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#I don’t really know any other way to deal with it
miupow · 2 days
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UNDER THE MOON
★ pairing。lee felix x fem!reader genre。⧼ 📖 ⧽ smut , comedy , pwp warnings。minors do not interact! demon!felix , witch!reader , magic , breeding kink , unprotected sex , sub to dom , oral (f. rec) , vaginal fingering , cowgirl position , mating press , creampie , overstimulation , dacryphilia , squirting , breast play , marking , size kink , monster cock felix lol , dirty talk , praise kink , degredation kink , name calling , power play , bulge kink , orgasm control , strangers to ???
★ synopsis。you accidentally summoned the wrong demon , but you won't let that get in the way of getting what you want.
a/n ⸝⸝ not proofread lol. let me know if there are any mistakes! this is my second longest fic to date, wow... i hope you all enjoy ! [ 5. 5k words ] ⸝⸝ [ m. list ]
any respectable, well-to-do witch knows that the perfect time to summon a demon is during the full moon. that was when the boundary between the living and the otherworldly was at its most blurred, and a person's magical ability was especially potent– you could feel it thrumming through your body just under your skin, concentrating at your fingertips, just begging to be released. accompanied by your excitement and nerves, you felt simply alight with power.
even then, you still couldn’t believe you managed to summon a demon.
the force of the summoning makes him fall flat on his ass, thick black smoke filling up your bedroom and snuffing out your ritual candles– you can only get a good look at him once the smoke clears out of your open window, the moonlight illuminating his form in the darkness. the first thing you notice are his mismatched eyes, wide and wild as he takes in his new surroundings; one was a deep dark brown, the other an icy steel blue, his pupils slit like a feline’s. his otherworldly beauty takes your breath away, a smattering of freckles across his high cheekbones, heart shaped face framed by curled black horns and platinum hair that cascades down to his shoulders; his inquisitive gaze travels to the summoning circle he was laid out on, ancient runes etched into your hardwood floor, and then to you, peering down at him from the edge of your big pink bed.
“h-how did you do that?!” the demon finally asks, breaking the uncomfortable silence. his thick aussie accent surprised you— you didn’t think demons could have accents other than whatever one they have in hell. “where did you learn how to do that?” 
“hello to you too,” you retort, rolling your eyes. “i summoned you here with my family spell book.”
“spell book?” he echoes, taking another look around your frightfully girly bedroom— he’s quick to spot a rather old-looking tome left open on the floor near where he sat in the summoning circle, propped up with a beady-eyed stuffed animal. 
“it’s been in my family for generations.” you stand to pick the spell book up off the floor, dusting the smoke residue off the pages. 
the demon blinked up at you, odd eyes raking over the lacey little nightgown you were wearing. “you, um, don’t really look like that kind of girl...” 
“the kind to be a witch?” you laugh. “i just summoned you here, didn’t i? listen, i need your help.”
“my help? with what?” he moves to stand up as well, patting down his crumpled leather vest— he’s much, much taller than you expected him to be.
you hide your gulp with a dramatic scoff. “i want to make a deal with you, idiot; what else would i have summoned you for?! that’s what you do with demons, isn’t it? and, like, sign over your firstborn or whatever.” 
the demon stares at you in abject disbelief for a moment before dropping his head into his hands. “you humans are so stupid…” he mutters under his breath. “i’m not even that kind of demon. i can’t make any ‘deals’ with you.”
“bullshit! what do you mean you can’t make deals with me?!” you retort, crossing your arms. “the spell specifically said it would summon an entity that would make all my dreams come true!”
the demon blanches and stutters, his freckled cheeks turning pink. for some reason, you didn’t think that demons could blush. “um… well, about that…” he laughs nervously. “i’m an incubus. not the kind of demon you’re looking for, i think… i’m not even that good of an incubus, to be honest with you…”
you cock your head, watching as the demon shuffles his feet, his pointed black leather boots scuffing up your floor. “why do you say that?”
“i’ve never been summoned like this before, by a mortal…” he admits softly, his blush deepening. “i’ve never been in the human realm at all before; i’m supposed to be using you mortals to strengthen my powers, prey on you in your sleep… but i’m just too nervous! you humans frighten me… the other incubi make fun of me for it. i’m a terrible demon, you probably need to summon someone different…”
his sad pout was so cute for a demon from hell, and you can’t help but giggle a little meanly at the incubus’ plight. “you’re a virgin incubus? i never thought there was such a thing…”
the demon scowls, his pretty face screwed up in a way that wasn’t intimidating in the slightest. “don’t laugh at me.” he whines petulantly, “i could kill you right now if i wanted to.”
“sure you could, loser virgin incubus.”
the demon’s scowl deepens, trying very hard to keep his odd eyes from wandering their way down to your breasts, pushed up in your nightie by your crossed arms. “shut up. don’t call me that.”
“what should i call you then?” you snicker. you can’t help but revel in the way the demon’s eyes eat you alive— while he seems gentle and harmless, the way his mismatched eyes seem to glow with something dark and venomous when he looks over you leaves you shivering. something darker seemed to be hiding just under the surface of this seemingly innocent incubus… and you yearned to discover just what that was.
“felix. my name is felix.” the demon— felix-- mumbles to his shoes. he seemed to have noticed that you’ve caught on to his staring, anxiously avoiding eye contact. cute.
“that’s not a very demonic name.” you remark playfully. “i like it, though. it suits you, felix.”
felix huffs and rolls his eyes, but you can see the beginnings of a shy smile tug at the corner of his lips, his sharp, vampire-like teeth poking out in an oddly endearing way. you won’t let his cuteness distract you, though— you took all this time and effort to summon him, and you were determined to not let it get wasted.
“so… do you have any cool powers or anything?” you press, “like, could you maybe… make somebody fall in love with me?”
felix blinks owlishly down at you. “um… what?”
“listen, there’s this guy on campus i like, right? he’s my roommate’s best friend and he’s just so dreamy… but he’s in love with this girl i can’t stand. it’s like he’s obsessed with her, it’s disgusting.” you huff, curling your lip. “i just want him to forget about her and see what he’s missing! can you make him fall in love with me or something, like cupid? make him obsessed with me instead— you can do that, right?”
“er, well, kind of—”
“you can? perfect!” you clap your hands excitedly. “do i just need to tell you his name, or—”
“wait, wait—” felix interjects with a flustered stutter, “hold on a moment! w-what’s in it for me? i don’t go around doing favors for free, you know.”
you think for a moment, an ingenious and devilish idea quickly forming in your head as you slide your gaze down felix’s fit body. you never expected hell’s demons to be so drop-dead gorgeous, but you supposed it made sense with him being an incubus and all… slowly your lips pull into a devious grin. sure, you summoned the wrong demon, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t do your bidding anyway.
“you want to be a better incubus, right? want the other demons to stop making bullying you?”
“well, yes…”
“i can help you.” you offer, taking a step closer to the nervous demon in front of you. “i can teach you everything you need to know about pleasing a human… if, in return, you use your little demon powers to help me out.”
it takes felix a second to process just what you’re proposing, his eyes widening comically and his mouth dropping open in a gape. the blush on his freckled cheeks now burns crimson red, all the way to the tips of his pointed ears. “wh- wait, really, you— with me?!”
you nod with a sensual smile, taking another slow step forwards; just close enough to reach out and run a finger down his chest. “you help me and i’ll help you, okay?”
felix’s eyes flicker down to your lips, his adam’s apple bobbing with his gulp, and you can see it on his face when his flimsy resolve crumbles. “you’re lucky you summoned one of hell’s nicer demons, no other demon would ever agree to something like this— mmffh!”
you grab him by the lapels and pull him into a kiss in the middle of his sentence, his last words smothered on your soft and persuasive lips. he returned your kiss with reckless abandon, whimpering into your mouth. he was far too good of a kisser to be as inexperienced as he claimed, the tenderness leaving your knees weak and your thoughts spinning. a thin string of spit connects your wet lips when you pull away for air, snapping when felix darts a forked pink tongue out to lick his bottom lip in a daze.
“wow…” he whispers in awe, his sparkling eyes gazing at you through lowered lashes. “kissing humans is so much better than i thought it would be…”
his lips recapture yours, more demanding this time as that sinful forked tongue coaxed your lips open and explored the recesses of your mouth. the savage intensity of it sends a shock wave through your entire body, your senses short-circuiting— you tear your lips from his, quickly turn him around and push him onto your pink floral mattress. once again, you nearly succumbed to his distractions.
felix lets out a huff when his backside hits the bed, confusion paralyzing him just long enough for you to begin slowly undressing.
“woah, a little impatient, are you?” felix laughs, “you humans can never take anything slow…ly…”
he grows quiet as you slide the straps of your nightgown off your shoulders, the thin lace fabric pooling around your ankles. it left you completely bare except for a pair of tiny cotton panties, a little wet spot already visible in the white fabric. he ogles at your tits, round and perky with your nipples beginning to harden in the cool air.
his hungry gaze roamed over your figure, taking in your soft curves and tummy, dropping to follow your hands as you pull your panties down your thighs. they join your nightgown on the floor, and felix gets his first look at your pussy as you step out of them and kick them to the side.
“wow… you are so… beautiful.”
the sincerity in which he says it makes both your heart and your pussy flutter. you can’t hide your eagerness as you saunter forwards and begin to climb up on felix’s lap. “are you ready for your lesson?” you purr into his ear, your hand sliding up his thigh towards the growing bulge in his pants. just the size of the bulge alone makes your head spin— and he’s not even fully hard yet.
“h-hold on,” felix whimpers, grabbing your wrist, “you’re so small and, you know.. human sized… shouldn’t i, um, prep you? i don’t want to hurt you, i’m not one of those kinds of demons.”
you look back down at his bulge, just out of your reach with his fingers around your wrist. “that’s probably a good idea…”
you slide off his lap, positioning yourself in the middle of your bed; you rest your head among all your pillows and stuffed animals, all cute and cuddly and nothing at all like the dark energy that filled the room, the wicked smile on your face as felix crawls up the bed and in between your parted legs. he stares enthralled at your pussy, spread open all for him to admire— his hands come to grasp at the meat of your thighs, seemingly trying to ground himself as he takes everything in.
“oh, fuck,” he croaks, mismatched eyes glinting in the moonlight, “you’re already so wet, it’s dripping all over the sheets… it’s beautiful. have you been wanting me this whole time?”
your words get stuck in your throat, shuddering in arousal as you nod coyly down at him. he screws his eyes shut and lets out a deep, pathetic groan. 
“god, you’re so fucking sexy… i never thought i could get so aroused by a mortal.”
“i’m sorry, whose name was that?” you joke, still feeling mischievous even as your heart rattled in your chest. felix shoots you an irritated glare.
“oh, be quiet.”
he shuts you up with another searing hot kiss, demanding and passionate, and his stout fingers moved to tease at your wet, sticky folds. you gasp against his lips, squirming beneath him; the gentle stroking of his fingers sent jolts of pleasure through you, your pussy clenching around nothing but air.
“i’m not sure what to do…” felix mumbles, breaking your kiss to graze his lips across your jawline. “i’ve never done anything like this before… will you show me how to make you feel good?”
“just touch me,” you plead. “i want your fingers inside of me, please—”
felix starts with just one, short but deliciously thick as he slowly pushes it into your fluttering hole. “fuck, you’re so tight…” the stretch makes you cry out and claw at his shoulders, finally having something inside to ease the ache after being so needy for so long.
felix freezes with his finger buried inside to the knuckle, glancing down at you nervously. “did i hurt you?”
“no, no, feels so good—“ his hesitation would be cute if you weren’t so worked up, desperately grinding your cunt against his hand. “now move it in and out, nice and slow…”
he follows your directions dutifully, his movements slow and unsure, and despite his inexperience and anxiety, he quickly found a rhythm that flooded your shivering body with dizzying desire. waves of ecstasy crashed through you as you bucked your hips to meet his finger, whimpers and whines of delight falling from your open, panting mouth. his fingertip brushes your spongey sweet spot, electricity rippling under your skin and sending shockwaves through your core as you moaned in sweet agony.
“am i doing good, little human?” felix breathes shyly against your ear.
his eagerness to please made your pussy throb around him, sucking his finger in deeper—he was a quick learner, paying special attention to your sweet spot as you gushed slick all over his hand. “i think i am, you’re even wetter than before, it’s so noisy,” he accentuates his claim with a curl of his finger, the obscene wet squelches of your pussy ringing in your ears. “just look how well you’re taking it…is it okay if i add another finger?”
“yes! yes, fuck yes, please—”
he slides another fat finger in along with his first, his big eyes watching as he stretched your tight pussy out even wider for the cock you all but ached for. you sob in pleasure as he quickens his pace, curls his fingertips harder against your sweet spot. “wow, you can barely take two of my fingers..” the demon above you murmured in faux concern, “i don’t know if my cock will fit.”
you throw your head back with a lustful moan.
“tell me what you want from me.” he continues in a deep rasp, his accent only adding to the desire in his voice, “tell me what to do to make you cum.”
“t-touch my clit!” you hiccup, pretty manicured nails tearing at the fabric of his shirt.
you expect another finger, maybe his palm—what you don’t expect is for felix to trail soft kisses down your chest and belly, lower and lower until his plump lips were hovering over the curve of your pussy.
“wh-what are you doing?!” you squeal as felix kicks your legs over his shoulders, “do you even know what you’re doing down there?!”
“no.” felix shakes his head with a grin before diving his head between your thighs.
he attaches his lips to your swollen clit, his long tongue dragging up between your folds to circle the bud with shocking precision. he sucks gently on your clit while his fingers pump deep inside of you, his pretty moans and groans muffled with his face pressed against your squelching pussy. “you taste so good,” felix mumbles, his wide, mismatched eyes blinking up at you to take in every one of your reactions. “fuck, i love this pussy so much… think you can take another finger?”
he presses in a third finger before you can even respond, pussy stretched past your limits as you sob out in pleasure. it’s overwhelming in the best possible way, his fingers quickly pushing you closer and closer to the edge as he licks your clit and slurps up your juices. the flames of passion raged through your very being, and you abandon yourself to the knot tightening deep in your belly. you haven’t felt pleasure like this in ages, yelping as felix sucks particularly hard at your clit, and without thinking your arms dart down to grab ahold of his twisted black horns. the growl felix lets out against your heated skin is obscene, dark and beastly as he buries his face farther into your cunt, quickens the pace of his fingers against your sweet spot. “fuck yes, nasty girl, that’s it— grab my horns and just take it!”
you use your grip on his horns to buck wildly against his face, the knot in your belly threatening to snap as felix pulls his fingers out to grab your hips tightly. his clawed fingers dig painfully at your flesh, but it only heightens your sense of pleasure as he shoves his tongue deep into your wet hole. he tongue fucks your pussy with vigor, his groans and growls growing deeper and more demonic as he fucks you to your climax. “pussy’s so fucking good, can’t get enough…”
“felix!” you squeal when the forked tip of his tongue brushes against your sweet spot. “felix, i’m close, i’m gonna cum--!”
“say my name again, scream it!” felix crows with his face still buried in your cunt, the dark, powerful boom to his voice that hadn’t been there before making you finally hurtled you past the point of now return.
you scream his name as you squirt all over his face, nasty and wet as you ride out your high on his tongue— you’re quickly catapulted into overstimulation, tears pooling in your lashes as you whine and attempt to push him off you by his horns. if anything, that just seems to spur him on more.
“fuck no, i’m not done,” he growls, a dangerous edge to his voice frightening you and making your spent pussy throb all the same. “i need more, can’t stop— need to make you cum again, and again—”
he devours you like an animal, otherworldly strength keeping him flush against you even as you thrash and push roughly at his head. he doesn’t stop until you cum again, soaking his face and your sheets in sweet sticky slick— your pathetic cries seem to snap him out of it, hastily tearing himself away from your trembling little pussy to look up at you in worry and alarm.
“i-i’m so sorry, i don’t know what came over me! i just.. lost control— that was good though, right?”
his pretty pink lips and swollen and wet with your arousal, his freckled cheeks and chin smeared with it, even his nose; he gazes at you with big, watery doe eyes, the opposite of how he had been looking at you when he had his face between your legs. you babble incoherently, scrambled brain unable to string together a single sentence, your chest heaving with the aftershocks of two back-to-back orgasms.
felix smirks. “i’ll take that as a yes.”
his odd eyes snap back to your spent pussy, the primal hunger in his eyes making you throb despite of how spent you already were. “you look so pretty like this, all spent… can you take more? i need to be inside of you, now.”
your own hazy, unfocused gaze lowers to the straining bulge in his leather pants— the size of it makes you dizzy, a little frightened, but your overwhelming need for more outweighs any fear, and you slowly move to prop yourself up. “can i ride you? it’ll be easier for me to, um… take it.”
felix nods excitedly, as obedient as ever as he moves to take your place on the mattress. his platinum hair splays out around his head like a halo, his pretty face so angelic despite the fangs, tongue and horns… the imagery makes you snort.
“alright, you can get on whenever you’re ready— ooh!~”
you swing your leg over his waist without hesitation, straddling him as you begin to tug recklessly at his clothes. you pull his vest and shirt up to his chest, revealing twitching washboard abs that made your mouth water, and loosened his belt and fly. tugging his pants down to his thighs, his red swollen cock slaps wetly against his abs, rock hard and drooling pearly precum from the fat tip. you moan at just the sheer size of it, long and thick with the prettiest pulsing veins— you’re barely able to fit your hand around it when you reach down to take ahold of him, relishing in the low whimper felix lets out. you slowly slide your hand up and down his shaft, watching in rapture as more precum leaks from the head and slicks up your hand. it aids in the slide of your tight fist, felix groaning out pathetically as your other hand slides up your belly to pinch and roll your budding nipple.
you slide his cock between your pussy lips, your slick and his precum mixing together to make a sticky mess. you let his cockhead brush against your clit, the sudden shock of pleasure making the both of you moan— felix’s hands are shaking when they shoot up to take ahold of your waist. the lust on his face makes your tummy turn, the tenderness and sincerity in which he gazed up at you. “if it’s ever too much, tell me, please?” he breathes, his thumbs stroking the flushed skin. ”forget about the deal.”
you open your mouth to answer, but find yourself unable to speak; his tip catches your entrance, the sheer size of it pushing against your hole leaving you breathless and stuck in a silent scream. it feels so much bigger than three fingers, more than anything you think you’ve ever taken, and you freeze in a confusing mix of frightened and aroused.
“shh, don’t be scared, human,” felix coos, his steady hands keeping you firm against his cockhead. he squeezes your waist reassuringly. “i’m not going to hurt you, i promise.”
his tip slides inside with a pop, the gummy walls of your pussy gripping onto him like a vice as he steadies himself and slowly starts pushing in— the burning pain of the stretch is quickly overshadowed by a flood of pulsing red hot desire, drawing you to a height of passion you had never known before. never had any lover made you feel this way, trembling with ecstasy as your greedy pussy sucked in more and more of felix’s demon cock. “you feel so good, you’re so warm, so tight— such a good girl, taking all this cock!” felix keens, eyes rolling back into his head as you take him all the way to the base, his shiny mouth falling open in a desperate string of moans when his cockhead kisses snug against your cervix. “oh fuck, you took it all!”
you both take a moment to relax and adjust, catching your breaths as you pant into each other’s faces; felix waits patiently until you’re breathing goes steady and you unclench your pussy around him, begin to squirm needily in his grasp. “okay, you can start whenever you’re ready—"
like a woman possessed, you start bouncing on his cock before he can even finish his sentence, his fat tip hitting so dizzyingly deep inside of you with every movement of your hips. felix throws his head back with a broken cry, his hands flying down to grip harsh fistfuls of your ass as you ride him. “oh fuck, you should have warned me! fuck fuck fuck, slow down!”
you’re deaf to his cries, unable to focus on anything other than the explosive pleasure that coursed through your core; you plant your feet on the mattress to help strengthen your bouncing, so fast and rough nasty wet slaps echoed throughout the room every time your ass met his pelvis. “you’re so fucking big, so deep inside of me!” you whine.
“you’re just using me like a toy… are you feeling good, baby? yeah?” felix whimpers, voice weak and wavering, “n-naughty little girl likes being full of big, fat demon cock? o-oh god, you’re going to ruin me…”
you answer him with a wail, crying out his name once again as you claw red scratch marks down felix’s taut, muscular chest and abs. the sting just seems to make him harder, his cock twitching inside of you as he moans in pain and pleasure. his noises border on animalistic, deep snarls and growls that go right to your pussy. his mismatched eyes lock onto your chest, your perky tits bouncing obscenely in his face, and he licks his lips with that dastardly snake-like tongue.
“perfect girl, perfect pussy, perfect little tits— do you want me to play with them? suck on them? tell me what you want and i’ll do it.”
“please,” you sob, “please make me feel good!”
felix pulls you down so your body is flush with his, his hands leaving your ass to pinch and roll your nipples. his grip on your breast is bruising as he squeezes and fondles, pulling one into his wet hot mouth— the combined stimulation of his fingers and his mouth on your puffy nipples sending your senses into overdrive, the new angle making his cock feel even deeper inside of you than before, carving out space in your tummy as you moan in delight. he bites down gently on your nipple, pointy teeth teasing your bud, his plump lips and talented tongue caressing as they slowly move from sucking your swollen, peeking bud to trailing down the swell of your tit. he kisses a searing path up your sternum, leaving dusky purple marks in his wake as his hands continue their onslaught on your tits, massaging and groping with tantalizing ferocity. “why do you taste so fucking good? every single inch of you is delicious…” felix murmurs against your fiery skin, his canines ghosting over your collarbones, “you marked me up, pretty girl, now i have to return the favor… i could just eat you whole.”,
“fuck me!” you squeal, dripping pussy spasming around felix’s fat cock as you crash your hips down onto his. “fuck me, please, need it harder!”
“fuck, don’t say things like that— it’s taking everything i have to stay in control, baby, pussy’s so good! i-i’m being gentle for your sake, if i could have you how i want you i’m afraid i might break you—”
his words go straight to your cunt, lighting a fire of need inside of you; with an evil little smile you suddenly stop bouncing, your ass flush against his hips as you begin grinding tight little circles. felix tears himself away from your spit-soaked chest, utterly debauched as he gazes up at you with wide, desperate eyes. “n-no, wait, why are you stopping!?”
“i want you to break me, felix,” you purr with a sharp glint in your eye, teasing over his scratch marks with the tips of your fingers. “i want you to lose control and let me have it, please—”
in an instant you’re thrown across the bed, your back hitting your mattress knocking the wind out of you, and he’s on top of you before you can catch your breath. his claws snatch ahold of both your legs and tosses them over his shoulder, folds you over as he resheathes his throbbing cock back inside your gaping, drooling pussy. with inhuman strength he takes complete control over your body, trapping you beneath him and leaving you helpless, unable to do anything other than lay there and take it as he rams his cock inside of you. his bulbous cockhead knocks against your cervix so hard you fear he’ll push through, such a witty girl brainless and fucked stupid split open with his cock nestled deep in your tummy.
“you never wanted it slow and gentle, did you angel?” felix goads, his deep voice gaining an echoing, demonic edge. “you wanted me to treat you like a slut from the very beginning… such a nasty little witch.”
his mismatched eyes catch on the little bulge his cock makes in your tummy, disappearing and reappearing with every thrust; he presses down on your tummy with a devilish grin and a moan, able to feel his cockhead pounding up in your guts. “you feel me right here, don’t you baby?”
“s-so d-deep—!” is all you can manage to whimper, your teary eyes threatening to spill from the overwhelming pleasure.
felix coos at your fucked out face, his sharp nails digging into the meat of your thighs in a disorienting mix of pain and pleasure. “so cute, taking my cock so well… will you let me cum inside? i want to— i need to fill you up with my cum.”
“yes, yes— god, i’m gonna cum, please!” you beg, any last shred of dignity leaving in favor for your impending climax. your need for release clouded your mind, unable to think of anything except for creaming around felix’s cock as he shoots a hot load inside of you.
“who? god’s not here, baby.” felix crows, mirroring your own joke with a chuckle. you don’t have the energy to even get mad at him. “just us— now tell me how badly you want this demon to cum inside of you. be a good girl and beg for it… maybe i’ll give you that firstborn you want so badly?”
your tears finally fall as you surrender completely to uncontrollable ecstasy, sobbing for felix to breed you as his hips grow sloppy. he’s so close to the edge, just as much as you— you can feel it in the shuddering of his body, his broken whimpers, the tightness in his heavy balls as they slap against your ass. you grab fistfuls of the bed sheets to ground you, keep you from floating away entirely as you lose yourself in pleasure.
“cum together with me, angel,” felix pants above you, thrusting as deep as he could inside inside your pussy, “cum on my cock as i put a baby in you—!”
you cum all over his cock in a rush of exalted endorphins, your pussy spasming violently with your third and most powerful orgasm of the night. your gummy walls clamp down around his shaft, trying to push him out and suck him in deeper at the same time; you can see a foamy white ring formed around the base when he pulls out to thrust back in, a sticky and creamy mess down his balls and thighs. finally, with an animalistic grunt, felix stills inside of you to add to the mess, hot thick ropes of seed flooding your womb until you overflowed. you’ve never felt so full in your life, slick and cum oozing out around where felix’s cock stayed buried deep inside of you. you ride out the aftershocks in each other’s arms, falling into an intimate embrace as you both work to catch your breath.
“fuck, look at that…” felix whispers after a long moment of silence, his hips moving gently to thrust loosely. more cum leaks out from where you were joined, the both of you moaning at the sight. “there’s so much cum it’s leaking out… a-are you okay? was that good?”
“good?! that was the best sex i’ve ever had in my life—” you reply, moving to prop yourself up, but felix pushes you back down with urgency.
“no, no baby, don’t move, you gotta keep it all inside! stay still while i push it in deeper…”
before you can protest felix begins to wildly pound into your spent pussy again, his cock still rock hard and throbbing against your walls— you cry out in surprise and overstimulation, more exhausted and drained than you’ve ever felt before, yet your greedy pussy opens up for him with ease. he shushes your sobs and hiccups, his caresses gentle but his eyes wild and dangerous… he’s gotten drunk on the power of your love, lost all control to the beast that had been hiding inside of him for so long..
“i don’t think that’s going to be enough… i’m not stopping until i’ve bred you proper, just how you want it, right? we’re not done.”
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Mad Season 3
Warnings: non/dubcon, social anxiety, chronic illness, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.
My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.
Character: Bucky Barnes, Peter Parker
Summary: a class project gets messy. (short!reader)
Note: happy weekend.
As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️
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“Hey, how’d you get in?” Peter rushes in, a tray of drinks in hand. 
You pop up on the stool, broken from your trance. Uncertain what else to do, you spent much of your time trying to distract yourself with his schematics. You twist to face him. 
“Um, Bucky,” you answer and cringe at home dumb you sound. “He helped.” 
“Bucky? Helpful?” He nears and puts the cardboard tray on the table, “I guess he can be.” He picks at the edge of the tray, “I got you a blueberry matcha. The place I hit didn’t have strawberry in season anymore.” 
“Oh, sounds... interesting, but you--” 
“Didn’t have to. I know, you always say so but I felt bad for being so late. I told may to get an airtag for her wallet. She can be so--” he stops himself and chuckles. “It’s whatever. She’s got a lot going on.” 
“Mhm,” you accept the cup he offers. “I was just looking over the plans. I think we could probably just go with yours. Makes more sense.” 
“What? Oh, no way,” he takes his iced whatever. It just looks like layers of sugar and cream. “I think we could easily bring together both. Take some of your features and mine. I don’t want to take over.” 
“Yeah, but...” 
“But nothing. Really. It’s a team project, not my project,” he insists as he hops up on the stool next to you, “so,” he swipes his hand in the air and a holographic screen appears. You flinch. “Let’s compare and redraw.” 
You gape as another floating rectangle appears before him. No wonder his look so much better than your Paint hack job. You want to sink down and disappear. You always figured you’re not interesting enough to be his friend but now you’re certain you might be too stupid and poor for him too. 
“So, I’m going to get logged in...” he mutters. 
“Um, Peter?” You murmur, “are you sure you wanna be my partner?” 
“Why... wouldn’t I?” He hovers his hand before the screen as he looks at you. 
“I dunno. I don’t... I don’t have much to offer. Not a lab, not all these cool computers...” 
“Oh this? No, it’s not—it's not a big deal. Dude, I'm so lucky Mr. Stark is letting me use this. I’m not ignorant, you know? I just thought it would be easier. I don’t think your roommates like me much and mine are so loud.” he explains as he lowers his arm, crossing both over the table as he leans on it. “Do you not want to be my partner?” 
“Nnnooo,” you drag the word out. “No, I do, but I want to contribute to and I don’t know how to use any of this.” 
“That’s cool. I’ll show you.” 
“Um, okay,” you nibble your lip sheepishly. “I guess...” 
“Did you try the tea? Is it good?” He changes the subject. He does that a lot. Pivots around before you can finish your thoughts. 
“Not yet,” you look down at the bright pink lid, “where did you get this?” 
“Some place called Berry? I don’t know. Everything was bright. You’d hate it,” he laughs again. “Oh,” he snaps his fingers as you blow into the lid cautiously. “Before I forget, I’m having a party. I know it’s not really your thing but it’s ‘my turn’,” he makes quotations with his fingers, “and I don’t really wanna but I also thought I'd invite you in case you wanted to not be there with me, too.” 
Your blink in surprise, “a party?” 
“I know, too much. Well, I didn’t wanna leave you out.” 
“Mmm,” you drone nervously. It is really nice of him to think of you and after everything else, you hate to say no. “No one ever invited me to a party.” 
“No?” His brow furrows, “really?” 
You shake your head, “I’ll come. Yeah. I’ll try. You know, it’s college and ...” you take a sip and clear your throat, “should I bring a dessert?” 
He laughs and gives you a playful grudge, “wow, I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone ask me that except my aunt’s friends. Nope, you can just come as you are. You can always bring some drinks for yourself but I’ll have more than enough to share.” 
“Oh, okay,” you nod. 
“The tea good?” He asks again. 
“Yeah, sweet,” you put the cup down. 
“Awesome!” He grins. “I really didn’t think you’d come. I’m so excited.” 
“Really?” You ask. 
“Well, duh. You’re so fucking cool. Like all my other friends, they try so hard. It’s all ‘let’s go do shots’ or ‘watch me do this dumb shit’. You don’t even try, you’re just you. It’s like people don’t realize they can just be nice and be cool for just that.” 
“I... yeah,” you don’t know what to say.  
It’s like he’s calling you boring but not. You know you are and you don’t mind but you can’t ever remember when you just felt like everyone else. Where you weren’t the odd one out. Despite trying to include you, Peter still manages to push you to the edges. 
You wince as you notice how he stares at you. You fidget and pick at the button on the front of your corduroy skirt. His eyes flick down to the nervous movement. 
“I like that,” he reaches to touch the ridged fabric, “blue. Oh, thick.” 
Your leg twitches in surprise, “uh, yeah... found it at the student thrift shop.” 
“Really?” His fingers brush over the hem and touch your coloured tights. They linger for a moment before he pulls away. “Cute. I’ve never been there.” 
“It’s not bad...” you cross your legs as you knee tingles from his touch. That was strange. 
“Well, anyway,” he waggles his fingers as he turns back to the table, “uh, where was I?” He squints at the screens and taps in the air. He pauses and looks at you. “Here, I’ll show you how it work, alright?”  
He reaches over again and you brace yourself. He grabs the underside of the stool seat and drags you closer. He it so easily, you gasp. He’s a lot stronger than he looks. He slides his hand around so his arm is diagonal around your back. 
“Right, so...” his shoulder presses to you as he points with his other arm, “you can just use your finger. I’ll have to add your prints to the program. Put your hands up.” 
You obey as he stays close. You’re overly away of it. The way he’s pressed to you. He doesn’t seem to notice at all. You try not to think of it and focus on his instructions. The project. That’s why you’re here. 
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blackknight-kai · 2 days
Note
Let me start saying I love your blog, reblogs and headcanons, truly, all of the above🩷🩷
If you’re comfortable with the question, do you have any for the Destined One with a female virgin reader?
So I wanna say thank you 🫶🫶🫶🫶 I haven’t quite shared my own head canons much but I don’t have any issue sharing them 🫶 others do a much better job of it so I’ve left it to them. But! Your ask comes at a wonderful time as I needed a break from writing a fic 💀 (kill me im up to 20k)
Let’s get after it! Destined One & a female virgin head canons? I’ll give it a shot! There will be a nsfw section below sorry if that’s not your thing. I wasn’t super explicit on body parts etc but let me know if you guys want a Sun Wukong one? I’d try.
If you’re NOT in a relationship yet and he finds out? (Be it you told him outright or it comes out in passing conversation)
He’d would remain expressionless and quiet as usual. Not wanting to make a big deal out of it and remain respectful
But if you look closely you can see him swallowing thickly at the new information
Will NOT treat you differently
He has a LOT of feelings for you and knowing you haven’t shared yourself with someone else, while not a huge deal he’s never really cared one way or another, it’s something he finds himself thinking about often.
It makes him a little hot under the collar sometimes when he looks at you and remembers what you’d said.
NSFW - on the very rare occasions that he takes some time to himself or you’re not around, in the quiet he puts his goal to the side for just a moment and allows himself to think about his wishes and whims. Specially how he’d touch you and make it good for you because you deserve to be treated like you’re special and HE wants to be the one to do it.
If you’re in a relationship and it either came up naturally or during a more…heated moment.
Would absolutely freeze. Like body full on screenshot kinda freeze - only his tail would flick and twitch as he processes
Because honestly it hadn’t occurred to him before but it is NOW. He’s thought of you and making love with you but first or not first hadn’t been a topic of thought
He’d probably internally get flustered and his heart would race ridiculously but on the outside his expression would appear stoic or mildly surprised
Wouldn’t try to pressure you or make a big deal out of it, as though it doesn’t matter one way or another besides making extra sure you’re comfortable
His tail would eventually give him away though as it would be swishing behind him happy and interested as the information settles in his brain
Dude would be first and foremost HONORED If you shared that news with him and were giving him your first
Probably a first for him too ngl. I see him as someone who was so focused on his path that warming another’s bed wasn’t something he was willing to spare time on.
If it’s not a first for him too then it’s not something he’s done often and isn’t an expert
Would definitely thank you for trusting him with sweet reassuring kisses (if they are a little heated don’t blame him too much)
He is respectful! As I said no pressure. No rush. But would the information please him? Yes.
Definitely adds fire to his belly because HE will be your first
Sends a note of possession through him not because he’d “own” you but because regardless of being a first or not you’d be his and he yours.
NSFW:
Regardless of if you’re shy or ready to get the show on the road he’d be so gentle and would be careful, really careful.
Probably a bit unsure and might move a little too fast accidentally in his own lust but would immediately sooth you as soon as he realizes
Looks to your expressions and sounds to make sure you’re feeling good and safe
He wants to treat you WELL views it as HIS duty to make sure you’re happy
It’s a lot of pressure but he’d do his best and set his mind to it being nothing but perfect for you
I imagine at first his hands would be so feather light letting you get used to him and his touch as he undresses you piece by piece- he’d watch his claws unless he finds out you enjoy them grazing across your skin
He’d brush his lips across every piece of new skin revealed to his eyes unable to help himself
Finds out he really loves your chest, both feeling you & tasting you. as well as napping on you later
But over time as the act went on he’d be more confident, still tender but less unsure
He’d be enamored every time he got you to sigh or make a pleased sound
It’s his goal to hears those often
When he discovers how turned on he’s made you it would send waves of pride crashing over him, he had done THAT
Overall though he’d take his time
He probably won’t speak much if at all, but he’d make sure you’re ready every step of the way. If he does speak it’s not more than a few words here or there, low and only for you to hear as he nips your ear
Multiple check ins
He’s a giver, and while he isn’t practiced whatsoever he’d use his mouth and fingers to bring you pleasure, finding out exactly how you like it by listening to the way you moan or the way your body shivers and trembles with specific movements
He 100% will become VERY VERY good with his hands and mouth
His tail is sneaky, he’d use it as a way to hold on to your leg (holding you open while one of his hands is occupied) or would brush the the furry appendage across your skin just to see goosebumps rise in its wake
When you’re finally connected, after time spent letting you get used to him (and him you because let’s be real he’d be overwhelmed by the feel of tightly wrapped around him too) he’d roll his hips gently
He would make sounds, sighs and groans in your ear.
He’d love it if you cling on to him and tell him he’s doing something good
Full on shudders if you scratch his back or dig your nails into him - he loves it and he might accidentally thrust too hard when you do it
Wants to hear you 👏👏
Would keep control for as long as he could but would listen to your requests almost instantly if you asked him to move faster
Would love it if you moved his hand exactly where you wanted him to touch you
Would suck marks on your skin - thighs and neck, wherever he absentmindedly ran his lips. Would be shy about it later but would touch them possessively or when you’re dressed his eyes would stray to where his marks are on your skin.
Afterwards he’d silently but tenderly wipe you down and then pull you into his arms
Would nuzzle his face against you and breathe your scent as you both relax and come down from your high
Would massage any soreness you have that he could and feel pride at wearing you out, although his face wouldn’t show it
His tail would be like a vice around your thigh all night and trying to get out of his hold in the morning is a chore
He’d 100% take care of you especially for a first time is basically what I’m saying. After, he may be a bit rougher with his movements or may be impatient at times especially after a tough fight and adrenaline is still kicking but will always treat you tenderly as you guys build confidence together.
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trippinsorrows · 2 days
Text
without you + three
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authors note: welp. the ball is, gradually, rolling.
do not read this story if you haven’t read ’with me’. it won’t work as a standalone.
warnings: none
song inspo: be without you by mary j. blige
one + two
words: 4k
“I’ve been thinking.”
“That’s never a good thing.” Removing your eyes from the book in hand, you glare and flip your soon to be ex-fiance off if he keeps playing with you like this. 
Of course, he simply laughs as you shove on Joe’s shoulder.. “I’m serious.”
His hand moves to your stomach, rubbing a circle as he beckons, “tell me.”
Using the bookmark on the comforter, you stick it in the page you’re on and lay it against the side of you. “I think we should take Callie back so she can have her graduation.”
Joe looks over at you, brows furrowed. “I thought we were just going to do something here?”
“I know, and I think we still can, but I don’t want to take that from her. She was really excited about graduating.” It’s something you’ve been thinking about a lot, both as a teacher and a mom. It’s so important for children to feel and be able to celebrate their accomplishments. Sure, it’s only preschool, but it’s still a big deal for her.
You want her to be able to celebrate with her ‘classmates.’
And you express as such.
“She should be able to celebrate with the other kids. Plus, and I know right now, she’s still excited about them, but I don’t know, something tells me she’s going to struggle with some form of jealousy when the babies get here.”
Joe nods, not necessarily disagreeing with you. “But, that’s not entirely abnormal, right?”
“No, doesn’t mean it’ll be any easier to deal with though.” Frowning, it’s only now you also think about how that might be for you as well. For almost five years, you’ve been able to devote all of your time and attention onto one child. 
Now, it’s about to be four.
“Hey.” Joe, forever adept at reading you, brings his hand to your chin, forcing your gaze to land on him. “We’ll handle it together, alright?”
His words, as per usual, comfort you greatly. “You’re right.” His thumb flicks your chin, as you chuckle. “It’s probably good her little spoiled self is spending all this time with you now. Before she has to share you.”
His scowl makes you snort as he drops his hand back to your ever growing belly. “She’s not spoiled.”
“Joe, as the kids say, be so fucking for real.”
“What?”
Ignoring the fact that this man literally probably still has an AOL email with out of touch he is, you continue with your very valid point. “That little girl is spoiled rotten. You give her whatever she wants.”
“She doesn’t ask for much.”
“Not you being in straight up denial.” He’s so down bad for Callie Bear. It’s not even funny. “Need I remind you of her little tantrum two weeks ago? Baby, the way you folded so quickly should have been recorded. Tribal Chief, my ass. Got taken down by a four year old.”
Joe shoves you gently. “Shut up.”
Laughing, you continue, “just admit it, she has you wrapped around her lil’ finger, and she knows it. That’s why she tried you the way she did, but I mean it, next time it happens, and it will, set her little butt straight. She can take it.”
Joe’s frown doesn’t make it any easier for you to hold in your laughter. “I don’t like being mean to her.”
“It’s not being mean, baby. It’s being a parent. As much as she loves to play with you like you’re one of her little friends, you’re not. You’re her dad. She needs to respect you as such.”
“She does,” he defends, and you sigh, knowing this is probably just a battle you won’t win. Quieting down, you decide to switch topics to something you’ve been thinking more about as you prepare for the arrival of your children.
“I’m gonna tell her, you know. When she gets older, that I’m the reason you weren’t there the first few years of her life.”
Joe sits up in the bed, removing his hand from your stomach, concern evident all over his handsome face. “Y/N—”
You lift your hand to silence him. “No, she’s going to eventually ask, and I’m not going to lie to her. Whatever anger she feels would be justified, and I’ll handle it.” 
You’ve thought about this more and more as you progress with your pregnancy. The fact that these babies will get to experience Joe from day one when Callie didn’t. There’s undeniable unfairness, and should she ever want to know just why Joe was MIA at the beginning, you will be honest with her.
You’ll make sure she knows that it was you who decided to keep her a secret from her father. How specific you’ll get will depend on her age, but you’re not a fan of lying to and holding secrets from kids when it directly impacts them.
You know firsthand how thinking your dad didn’t want to be around can fuck with someone’s mental.
You won’t let that be the case with Callie.
Joe looks just as bothered, like he doesn’t want you doing anything that could impact how Callie sees you. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Oh, but I do and will, baby.” You place your hand to his cheek, his beard a little more outgrown and slightly unkempt as he truly relaxes in the embrace of vacation. “Because that’s one thing I never did and would never do. I never let anyone say any disrespectful shit about you not being in Callie’s life. Amir would try it a lot, and I shot him down every time.”
The mention of Amir brings a scowl to Joe’s handsome face. It’s a bit of a distraction technique you’re grateful worked. This will also be a revisited topic over the years, clearly. “I don’t know what the fuck you saw in him.”
Small smile on your face, you shrug, “he’s not ugly, and his dick was decent.” And before he can say anything smug and smart, “yours is better, duh. Why you think I’m giving you all these kids, huh?” He smiles and shakes his head. “You gotta have God tier dick for me to push out not one but gonna be four of your big headed ass children. Boy, I wish you would try to leave me. You gon be wrestling into your eighties with how much I’ll come for you in child support.”
He rolls his eyes and kisses your temple, “you know I’m not going anywhere and neither are you.”
“Of course not, who the hell is gonna want me with all these damn kids?” The topic at hand reminds you of the book on the side of your bed, the previous reason you two were taking a break from figuring out your approach for letting friends and family know about the courthouse wedding. “Now, we really need to start deciding on names. I’m almost five months.” Pretty soon you’ll be finding out the sexes of the babies. It’s crazy to you how quickly this pregnancy is passing by, most likely due to the happiness you feel. 
Time flies when life is good. 
“Did you get Callie’s list?” 
He curses. “Shit, I forgot.”
You wave him off. “No worries.” Sitting further up in bed, you shout out, “Callie Bear! Bring us your list for baby names!” 
She doesn’t say anything, and you start to try again when she comes running into the room, Disney notebook in one hand and her American Doll in the other. She doesn’t hesitate to climb onto the bed and sit on her knees at the end, “here you go, mommy!”
You accept her notebook that’s already opened to her list of potential baby names that she came up with. “Thank you, baby.” Callie switches to sitting with her legs crossed, her doll that looks just like her, courtesy of her rich ass daddy, smack dab in the middle. “Let’s see.”
A smile falls on your face as you share the notebook with Joe, pointing out the first name that he also smiles at. 
“Moana.” Predictable. So predictable. “Maui. Hei Hei. Tamatoa.” Joe coughs beside you to clearly hold in his laugh. “Baby….are these all names from Moana?”
Callie nods happily. “And Toy Story and Encanto and The Little Mermaid,” she essentially continues to sing-song list off damn near every Disney movie ever created. “The babies have to like Disney too, mommy! Like me, you, and Grandma.”
“You’re so right.” To be fair, you really shouldn’t have expected too much more. She is one Disney loving kid, through and through. “Well, thank you so much for the list, Callie Bear.”
“Daddy, did you make a list?” She asks, head tilted as she gently caresses the top of her doll’s head.
“Not yet, baby. Mommy and I are gonna make one together.” 
“I like baby Moana.” 
He chuckles. “But you’re our little Moana.”
She pouts and corrects, “no, I’m Callie.” Her sass makes you laugh. Joe wasn’t entirely wrong. She really is a lot like you sometimes. “I want a baby sister named Moana.”
“What if they’re all boys?”
You and Callie have similar reactions. It’s just that yours is one of horror and hers is more of shock.
“Noooo, I want a little sister.” 
Adding onto Callie’s vehement protest, you make your own strong thoughts and feelings known. “And I am not pushing out three boys at once, Joe. You done lost your god—”
“What do you want for your birthday, Callie Bear?” You’re partially thankful for the save but also irritated he’s asking this question he already knows is gonna generate a wild ass answer.
“A puppy!”
See.
You do your best to use the perfect combination of understanding yet assertiveness. “Baby, we done had this conversation before, we are not getting a puppy until you’re at least ten.”
“But, I’ll be old!”
“Exactly, old enough to take care of a puppy.” One look at Joe, and you can see he’s about to open his mouth and probably find some reason to ‘agree’ with or at least defend Callie’s request. “Absolutely not. No dog until she’s older, and that’s final.”
Callie, understandably, does not agree nor like this rule, and it’s evident in her deep pout and the way she crosses her arms over her little body. “Not fair.”
“Life ain’t fair, buttercup.” You retort, quickly reminding her as you take in her appearance. “Speaking of, it’s almost time for your wash day….”
The infamous, dreaded day of nonstop hair washing and styling is enough to wipe her smile away and award her a brand new reason to start whining, “I don’t want to.”
The feeling is mutual. “Neither does mommy, but we gotta do it eventually, Callie Bear.” Looking over at Joe, you inform him, “and you will be present for this ordeal, sir, so you can learn how to do her hair for me.”
He looks confused, nose turned up. A chuckle is withheld at how much he and his daughter mimic each other in this situation. “Baby, I don’t know how to do hair.”
Sucking your teeth, you smartly point out, “you do your own!”
“I barely do anything with my hair. You know this.” 
Damn. He’s right. Lucky ass. “Regardless, when I get too big to be bending over the sink like that, someone’s gonna have to do it.”
Of course, Joe’s smartass just decides to throw out something that should probably be discussed before saying around Callie, “I’ll take her to your mom.”
Callie’s eyes light up a bit. “Grandma!”
“Joe.” Lord, this man got too much money or something. “You seriously are going to fly our daughter out to my hometown so my mama can do her hair?”
He shrugs, clearly not seeing an issue with what’s being proposed. “Yeah.”
Rolling your eyes and shaking your head, you lean further back in the pillows of the bed. “You are too—” However, you’re cut short mid-sentence, face and chest dropping simultaneously, the change in your disposition enough to catch Joe’s attention. 
“What’s wrong?” He’s sitting up even more, expertly masking the concern that’s growing by the second. Recognizing this, you will that small smile to start forming on your face, shaking your head as you motion for him and Callie to move closer.
“Mommy?” Callie is just as confused as you reach for both her and Joe’s hands, placing them on your belly, trying to find the spot of origin. “What—”
This time, she’s the one to stop mid-sentence as she feels it, the sensation you last felt when you were pregnant with her. Callie’s face is still set with understandable confusion, but your gaze on Joe reveals minimal concern and an abundance of amazement. 
“What is that, mommy?” Callie finally asks. The emotion in your throat takes you back a bit. You’re not typically a super emotional person, but there’s something about this moment, about feeling your babies kick for the first time and being able to share it with your fiance and child that does something to you. Knocks at those pillars that hold up your resolve. 
“That’s the babies. They’re kicking.” You explain, smiling a bit as Callie looks at you in horror.
“Why are they hurting you?”
“They’re not, sweetie. That’s what babies do. As they get bigger and grow, they need to move around and sometimes kick. You did the same thing to me.” Adding some playfulness into your voice, there’s a level of relief to see she appears less concerned. 
Your attention, however, is brought back to Joe as he kisses your temple, hand still planted on your stomach, clearly soaking up every bit of this precious, cherished moment. 
“I love you,” he murmurs against your temple. It’s such a simple statement, a little three letter sentence that means more than anyone could ever understand. Moving your hand to the side of his face, you both laugh as Callie moves her face to your stomach. 
“Don’t kick mommy too much, okay, little babies?” The determination on her face should be captured and locked away for safekeeping for the rest of time. “She’s the bestest mommy ever and pretty and smart and—”
“—and still not getting you a puppy.” While your daughter is undoubtedly one of the sweetest kids you’ve ever come across, she’s also intelligent as hell. And you know her like the back of your hand. Enough to know where she’s headed with this. 
And, you’re proven correct when she rolls her eyes again, making a ‘hmmph’ sound that has Joe chuckling next to you. She then sets her little plotting sights on Joe as she takes her hand from your stomach and moves to crawl into his lap.
You have to keep yourself from rolling your own eyes as she pulls out that sickeningly sweet voice and holds onto his shirt. “Daddy?”
Joe doesn’t hesitate to answer right away. “Yes, baby?” One look at him, and you already know what the answer is going to be. This man is so weak for this little girl. It’s not even funny. 
“Hallie wants a friend…..” Joe’s eyebrows cave in confusion as he looks over at you. 
Gesturing to her American Girl doll on the edge of the bed, you fill him in, “that’s what she named the doll.” 
He chuckles, clearly amused by the name that rhymes with hers. “She does?”
Callie nods, that excitement building back up. “Two friends!”
Mouth dropping, you prepare to put this child in her place when Daddy Warbucks beats you to it, living up to his reputation.
“Well, then we need to get her two friends.”
“Yay!” Callie celebrates, hugging Joe who ignores your look of disapproval. “Can I make her friends too?” 
And once again, the first living, breathing bank to ever exist is quick to fold. “Of course, Callie Bear.”
“Yay!” She cheers yet again for another way too easy battle. It’s not even a battle at this point. Battle would mean that both parties have somewhat of a chance, and Joe is clearly putty for his little girl. “Thank you, daddy.” She seals the deal with a hug and kiss on his cheek before climbing off the bed, grabbing Hallie as she shares, “I’m gonna make them now!”
With her tablet, clearly. The tablet you’d bet any money Joe once again disabled the time limits on. 
Lord, you’re about to have five damn children to take care of at this point. 
It’s only when Callie is out of the room and on her way to celebrate yet another successful day of finessing her daddy that you punch this man in his big ass arm. 
“What?” It’s him having the audacity to sound and look confused that has you ready to kick him out of the room. 
“What do you mean what?” Angling your body more toward him, you explain, “Joe, why are you buying her more dolls? American Girl dolls, at that. I know you must have paid at least $300 for the first one you got her. I saw all them accessories.” He rolls his eyes but doesn’t deny it, because he can’t. Callie had always asked you for one, and while you could have scraped some money together to make it happen, you couldn’t come to grips with just how many other more useful things one could do with that money. “She doesn’t need them dolls, babe.”
“You gon’ let her get a puppy now?”
An easy ass answer. “Hell no.”
He has the nerve to catch a slight attitude with you as he affirms, “then she’s getting the dolls.”
Rubbing your temples, you realize this isn’t a ‘fight’ you’re not going to win. “You know what, whatever. You do what you want, but I’m telling you right now, these—” You bring his hand back to your belly. “—babies are not going to be spoiled like their big sister. They gon be like Oliver Twist and grateful for a bowl of soup.”
He moves his hand around, probably trying to see if he can feel any more movement. “Callie is grateful.”
“For now.” Not really wanting to have this circular dialogue with him, you grab your phone to see a couple missed texts but open the one from your mom first, instantly rolling your eyes. “Not this again.”
The shift in your voice catches Joe’s attention. “What?”
Shaking your head, you show him the thread, thumb right next to the link for an article on ‘melanin maternal mental health’. 
Talk about fucking alliteration. 
“I don’t know what’s been up with her lately, but she’s been sending me all these links for articles and like motivational photos about mental health and motherhood.” You explain to him, going to heart the message and send a quick response to at least show some appreciation. Because there is a little there. That your mom cares about you so much. But the concern isn’t necessarily valid or needed..
This is the happiest you’ve been in some time. A long time. If ever.
Nothing is going to change that.
Especially being a mother to three more children. 
Placing your phone back on the nightstand, a glance at Joe reveals he’s debating something. “What?”
He moves closer to you, hand pushing back some of your coils. “Been thinking about that movie thing…..”
The smile on your face grows as you move closer, eyes twinkling with all the curiosity in the world. “What did you decide?”
—------
Megan is having a wonderful day.
One of the best she’s had in a while.
Not only did she manage to wake up on time, but the coffee she ordered from this cute little cafe she found while on a business trip in Denver a couple months ago awaited her on the outside of her apartment door when she got back from her pilates class the night before.
And there’s few things she loves more than a delicious cup of morning Joe.
A smirk falls on her face as she hums “Here Comes the Bride” while engaging in her extensive shower routine, admiring the expert work of her wax lady. Body hair has always been an absolute no. But, it’s when she moves the loofah across the weight of her heavy breast that Megan imagines hands and not her loofah. Big hands that would cup her boobs roughly as he forces her to turn around, slams her up against the shower wall and fucks her hard from behind, her moans and shouts of pleasure dancing across the tile, alerting everyone of just who owns this pussy.
Hand gliding down her wet, nude body, she keeps the vision going, slender thighs clenching together at the thought of him forcing her on her knees, his dick down the back of her throat, eyes watering as he mouth fucks her.
“Joe….” Thin fingers slip past wet folds as she realizes she’s going to be a couple minutes late for work.
So worth it though. 
Because Megan hasn’t come like that in years. Her legs are practically wobbly as she finally exits the shower, bathroom mirror completely fogged to where she has to grab a towel to clear up a section so she can see herself.
The pink tinge of her cheek brings a sly smile to her face. 
“I can’t wait until we can be together, my love…” A sweep of sadness comes over her as she grabs her phone, admiring his handsome face on her lock screen and opens Apple Music to play his entrance music, selecting the repeat button before she continues with her routine. 
It takes her about the usual time.
And soon enough, Megan is out the door, having finished her delicious coffee and opted to just have a banana for breakfast. There’s no time for unnecessary caloric intake.
She has to start preparing for the wedding. 
Walking into the office, right away, she can detect the almost sullen atmosphere and does her best to match the vibe.
To play along. 
And before she can go to her office bestie, Paige, to “find out” why everything feels so off, the team is pulled in for a mandatory meeting.
Luke’s quiet demeanor does take her a bit back. He’s never quiet. She’s not complaining though. Not at all.
As soon as everyone is seated, he starts off with the general pleasantries that are weighed by the sadness in his voice. And then he gets into it. “I know some of you have heard, but for those who haven’t, I—uh—I got some bad news.” He takes a deep breath, shaking his head. “There’s uh—no way to say this, but Susan Jackson was found dead this morning.”
As an array of gasps and shocked countenances fill the room, Megan does her best to blend in, to play along with the genuine surprise of all of her coworkers.
Paige leans over to whisper to Megan, eyes also watery, “they say she killed herself. That she was found her on the sidewalk in front of her apartment building. Window was open and everything.”
Megan expertly fakes a horrified expression. “Oh my god, how heartbreaking.” She even manages to crank out some tears that don’t shed but get the job done. “I can’t believe she’s gone….”
“Megan.” She lifts her head, eyebrows also raising. “I know you worked close with Susan on a couple of clients, and you also know she was set to assist Roman Reigns on his debut film, but with Susan gone….”
Megan shakes her head, pulling out a few sniffles. “It’s okay. I’ll….I’ll do it. I’ll take Reigns as my client.”
And my husband.
Luke gives her a nod of appreciation, wiping at his eyes as he clears his throat and continues to address the room.
It takes almost everything in her not to roll her eyes. The woman was fucking fifty for crying out loud. 
She lived long enough. 
He says something about grief counseling, the suicide hotline, blah blah blah.
Megan does her best to listen but mostly tunes out the rest of the meeting. It’s irrelevant. She has what she wants. Now, it’s time to go after who she wants, the thought alone creating such an intense, euphoric feeling inside of her stomach as she casually traces the brand new tiny letter ‘J’ she now has tattooed on her ring finger.
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ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon
AU - Woozi x fem!reader
Nobody asked but! I wrote some imagines for my favorite doomsday prepper. The end is pretty vanilla smut because I couldn't help myself, that boy is fineeeeeee.
Word Count: 1k
CW: really vanilla smut some fingering, a little handjob, then p in v, cuddling. You know. The basics.
⫘⫘☣︎⫘⫘⫘⫘☣︎⫘⫘⫘⫘☣︎⫘⫘
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who is technically part of a larger group but operates like a lone wolf
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who doesn't socialize much which gives him the strong silent badass vibe
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who can competently wield any weapon whether it’s ranged or melee, but prefers to use his own arms and fists against the undead
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who you only meet briefly when it's time to make camp in some abandoned building
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who has a superficial relationship with everyone in the group
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who will disappear for days only to come back with loot for the whole community
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who makes sure everybody eats
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who takes care of all the undead that threaten you, making it look easy
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who saves you from wayyy too close a call when you almost get tackled and bitten
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who listens with a heavy heart to you tossing and turning still shaken by the attack
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who wordlessly joins you in your bed and wraps his strong arms around you making you feel safe and secure as long as you're with him
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who opens up to you slowly so you realize he has a soft heart
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who becomes a little more careful in his escapades because he has something worth returning to
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who always found it more difficult to deal with the living than the dead
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who begins to show the sides of himself he tucked away when the apocalypse demanded his “strength”
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who everyone meets in a completely different light when he begins to start conversations and talk about his interests
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who enjoys being more involved in the socializing aspects of the group, but still values his alone time
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who you find on the roof of the abandoned office building where the group is camping
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who stares into the night sky and remarks that he can finally see the stars clearly without all the light pollution
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who you spend the better part of the night talking to about everything scary and beautiful about the apocalypse
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who can’t take his mind off of you lately
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who sees your face illuminated in the moonlight and chances to lean forward to kiss you
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who melts you with his surprisingly soft lips
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Whose hands have the potential to grip you so tightly around your waist, but settle for a strong handle of your body that you don’t even try to resist
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who leads you with his strong grip to the secluded place he set up his sleeping area for the night, only detaching from your lips to breathe and then finding his way back quickly and efficiently
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Whose tongue makes its way into you to taste every inch of you
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who lays you down on an array of blankets and does all the work in stripping you down to just your panties
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who is still fully clothed
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who traces his calloused hands over all the sensitive parts of your body, stopping to play with you nipples before taking one into his mouth
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who has one hand on your other nipple while the other finds its way into your panties
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who teases the your most sensitive parts until you can’t contain your moans; if the area wasn’t so secure, there would be a hoard right outside of the door
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who takes his mouth off of your chest only to lick around his own fingers while maintaining eye contact with you
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who is slowly becoming obsessed with the way your lips are parted and your eyes are lidded and you chest rises and falls with deep breaths
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who slides one finger into you slowly, groaning at the tight feeling
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Whose pants get tighter and tighter as he hears you plead for more
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who kisses you when his second and third finger find their way inside you, stretching you enough to accommodate him
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who makes you cum hard on his fingers
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who finally begins to strip down while you slip off your panties leaving both of you completely naked
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who has scars around his hard body marking all of his time surviving the desolate landscape
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who lets you trace some of the sizable marks on his torso before pulling you close into a hungry kiss
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who presses his body against yours, so you can feel how hard his cock is for you
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who guides your hand to stroke him, groaning when your soft fingers grasp him gently then squeeze as you move up and down the long, thick shaft
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Whose cock drips with precum that you swipe with your thumb and spread over the sensitive head
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who watches as you spit in your hand and use it to coat him, hoping that it eases its entrance into you
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who can’t hold back anymore and moves you to your hands and knees finding a place on your hips to grab you
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who lines himself up with your wet entrance
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who makes your body shiver when he enters you slowly, growling as he feels himself begin to reach his peak
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who relishes in every sound you make as he slides inch by inch inside of you
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who stalls once he bottoms out, breathing in and out hard
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who you beg to move which causes him to set a steady pace fucking in and out of you
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who grabs you tighter and uses one hand to slap your ass, marking you as his
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who pulls out and flips you around so that he can see your face when you cum again
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who resumes his thrusting inside of your tight walls while placing his hands behind your knees to get a better angle
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who finds your sweet spot and digs into it until you come undone with a moan that borders on a scream
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who wipes the single tear from your cheek that trickled out due to overstimulation
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who chases his own release by desperately thrusting into your wet heat, listening intently to the sounds of skin slapping skin
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who finally pulls out to stroke himself to completion leaving ropes of cum on your chest and stomach
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who comes down from his high to the sight of you taking some of his cum onto his finger and placing it into your mouth
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who kisses you fervently tasting you and himself intertwined
ZombieApocolypse!Jihoon Who wipes you off with his previously discarded t-shirt then lays with you in his arms as the sun comes up and you drift to sleep feeling safe and secure even in the apocalypse
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tw1nkd3ath · 1 day
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i am bored and have had A Long Day so have some party poison headcanons:
•they/them (obviously). their gender is simultaneously every gender and no gender at the same time
•they have borderline personality disorder. this caused them to be extra medicated back in the city. now, they’re finally off of any and all pills, and they’re learning how to actually live with their disorder. loves reading books about mental health, and trying to figure out how to take care of themself.
•speaking of drugs, poison quit the city pills before they escaped the city. they quickly fell into other pills and drugs in the zones though. it was familiar, and it made their brain shut up for once. they have very bad PTSD, more than anyone in the zones. they don’t know just how bad it actually is, and they’ll never speak of it, but the other three know just by the way poison is. they got clean after moving into the diner. they felt safe for once, and the other three were so supportive in keeping them off of drugs. it’s hard to deal with flashbacks and all of that; every day has to be taken one step at a time with them, but they’re making it through.
•loves dancing. more than anything, really. get them drunk and on a dance floor, and their smile is wider than you’ll ever see it. they love parties and clubs, until they don’t and they’re ready to go home. they’ll dance for hours, and all of a sudden they’ll go over to one of the other three and poke them on the shoulder and that’s when they all know they’re getting overstimulated and want to go home and crash.
•yknow how i said they love dancing more than anything? well i lied. the one thing they love more than dancing is singing. they’ll take the AM and go on drives where they sing for miles and miles to whatever’s on the radio. ghoul and kobra make them tapes of their favorite songs, and sometimes the four of them will have carpool karaoke.
•goes for drives to clear their head. they’re normally not allowed to go alone, unless one of the others approves it (poison once wrecked an old car of theirs while angry driving, they don’t wanna talk about it). normally ghoul will go with them, riding shotgun with poison’s hand in theirs. poison drives until they can’t remember what was bothering them when they first turned the key.
•surprisingly a very good cook. them and jet love to cook for the others when they have the ingredients to. poison’s favorite is what they call ‘slutty pasta,’ it’s pasta with a shitload of cheese melted into the sauce. yes, it does make them sick. yes, they will eat it anyway.
•loves looking cute all of the time. even their pajamas are somehow cute and coordinated.
•cannot own un-modified clothes. they have to personalize everything, and they’ve got a whole booth in the diner reserved for whatever patches they’re painting or skirt they’re making or jacket they’re embroidering. dr. death gives the fab four almost all of the art supplies he gets; between poison and kobra they blow through paints and glues and threads and things.
•sketchbooks sketchbooks sketchbooks. they’ve got two right now that they’re working on. they’ll glue/tape little things to the pages, so it’s sort of like a scrapbook with art and writing in it. they will tape literal garbage in it, though. they’ve got the butt of their first cigarette out of the city, a list someone gave them of thrift shops out in the zones, a piece of paper bag ghoul used to scoop weed grounds one time, and so on. the others poke fun of them for this, but they really love how sentimental poison is. show pony has a polaroid camera, and loves to take pictures of their friends and give them the little prints. poison glues them all into their sketchbooks, and looks through them when they’re having a bad day.
•in eating disorder recovery, killjoy style. they hardly ate when jet and ghoul found them and kobra, and they’re trying so hard to help them recover. if poison is struggling to eat a meal in front of them, ghoul will go “hey poison. you’re a pussy if you don’t eat that mac and cheese.” or “you’re not a real killjoy if you don’t eat all those chicken nuggets,” all while sporting a shit-eating grin. poison and kobra have gotten themselves both to a healthy weights finally, and everyone couldn’t be happier.
•cigarettes are their one true love. they first started smoking when they were fourteen. they dislike vaping (even though it’s become quite the fad in the zones, ever since people started smuggling them out of the city), they vaped for around a year and it killed their lungs. cigarettes only for poison, and they’d have it no other way.
•yknow how i said they decorate their clothes? well they also decorate the diner. they’ll hang up art made by them or kobra all over the walls of the diner, and they let kobra paint straight onto the walls.
•loves science for some reason? dr. death gives them all sorts of books on biology and animals and ecosystems and such, and they absolutely love it. they wanna be a biologist in another life. they love teaching the others about shit they read, like animal facts and such. kobra will listen to poison infodump for hours.
that is all for now thank you
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maryfailstowrite · 3 days
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!! DRDT CH2 EP14 SPOILERS !!
Okay so, I think there are two possible routes the storyline could take regarding Teruko, and as much as I wish one of them was true, I have a bad feeling it’s going to be the other.
1. Eden is actually the culprit and Teruko shatters. We know Teruko actually cared (even if just a bit) about Eden even before the trial, so if she’s actually the culprit, it wouldn’t just be a “oh fuck I was wrong, I shouldn’t have repaid the favor” moment, it’s going to be a “oh fuck, one of the few people I decided to take a bet on backstabbed me AGAIN” moment. Not only her, but Eden killing Arei would mean Eden never intended to be friends with her, so that’s another trust betrayal for Teruko to overthink. Plus, if Eden is the culprit, it means all her tears and her sweet persona were fake, at the very least in the trial, if not for the whole killing game. The realization of that would devastate Teruko, and she’d regress to distrusting everyone even harder. We’d have to go through this whole process of learning how to trust people again, in an environment that is going to become more hostile, because Eden being the culprit would be a slap in the face to everyone, I feel. She’s the beacon of optimism in the group, and the one actively trying to keep people together and entertained, and knowing how much everyone else hates each other, it would be rough to get along with anyone like that. Disaster, basically. A heartbreaking disaster.
Oh, and also, David would be getting what he wants, which is to debilitate Teruko. A lose-lose situation no matter how you see it.
2. Someone else is the culprit and Teruko comes out of this stronger. She realizes that trusting people can actually lead her the right way, and so Teruko finishes her process of learning how to trust people again. She not only acknowledges that she can’t isolate herself from everyone without consequences, she learns that trusting people can lead to good things too, and that not everyone around her is out to get her. Also, Eden is still alive, so not only can her bond with Teruko grow stronger, but she’s still there to keep the group from pouncing at each other at any given time. Of course, there’d still be conflicts and shit (more murders need to happen, after all), but for a while, we could get a more trusting Teruko and a group (or at least a few people) that support her through dealing with everything that’s on her way.
And David wouldn’t get what he wants, which would just be really satisfying (can you tell I don’t like David from this post? Can you?)
Problem here is, as we all know, Teruko’s luck is shit. The world might as well be out to get her. I’m not sure if I would like to go through another chapter of Teruko not interacting with anyone (since she’s our POV, we wouldn’t get much insight on how Eden’s loss breaks the overall group), but the story could be leading to that. The parallels between Min and Eden are paralleling too strong on this one fam. She’s the one that has some connection with Arei and the case, and Ace really doesn’t have much to do with anything. He was bleeding out, and even if we assume he took the tape like that, was he really in a good enough condition to do all that took to kill Arei not so long after he got his throat slit? He’s powered by pure spite and we know it, sure, but I think it’s a bit too far of a stretch.
And the chapter’s theme “not all that glitters” would fit Eden being the culprit, whereas I don’t really think that’d be the case with Ace. Of course, one could argue that the theme was already there with J, Arei and David, so it’s not like you’d need the culprit to fit it too, but it would make the chapter more cohesive, I think. Setting up such a strong chapter theme, using various character’s arcs for it, and then have the culprit not be related to that theme in any way shape or form would be a bit weird, or at least that’s how I see it.
The culprit could be someone else, of course, and that said person could fit the theme… but it’s already episode fourteen. Are we really going back to “everyone could be a suspect” at this point of the trial? It feels like it’s too advanced to put in another plot twist that leaves us at square one again. These two might actually be the only two suspects, and I’m not having any fun with it 😭.
We might get a “Eden was not as sweet and nice as we thought” moment and I’m not here for it. If that’s actually what happens, tears are going to be shred. With all due respect to Ace fans, let him be the culprit PLEAAAAASE (he probably won’t be. I’m just in denial. Let me grieve).
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i-have-41-protons · 3 days
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My very own super self-indulgent AU! ✨ It’s called… Drumroll…
✨GRAVITY FURS✨
Where everyone is an anthropomorphic furry :3
Explanation for the au below the cut!
Basically everything is the same, except everybody — even Bill! — is a furry. Obviously I had to make Bill a cat — they act in all the very same ways: demanding attention, leaving for unknown reasons, scratching at lab doors, and overall being just petty little gremlins. He is incredibly floofy, and has retractable claws (which I am aware is not at all original, but I love that headcanon and it goes SO well in here). “Fiddlesticks” and “Stanfur” is a joke btw, they actually have their original names.
So, everyone is a furry little animal, living exactly the same in their own little furry universe, right? WRONG.
Our, canon Bill Cipher dies, and invokes the Axolotl… but instead of going to Theraprism, he gets another chance at life. Such is the Frilly deity — forgiving, with many, many chances to spare for every being. So, Bill Cipher is sent back to Earth, in a different form, at a different time… but it is not the right Earth. Not the Earth he’s used to, anyways — but rather, the fluffy universe. The Furry Falls, if you will.
The “different form” being exceptionally un-triangular, which he is obviously enraged by. What’s more, is that his new flesh-sack is also… fluffy. With whiskers, and cute little ears (which he does NOT consider cute in any way), and paw beans… WHAT THE FUCK AM I, screams Bill as he wakes up.
An even worse shock is the creature that finds him (alone, naked, in the woods — yk, the classics). It is strangely resembling of both a human and a dog, and most of all, of Sixer. But this can’t really be Sixer, can it? Nope, it can!!! Surprise, surprise, Billy. You now have to deal with all THAT! >:D
Furry!Bill is sent into Canon!Bill’s place. Either the Axolotl didn’t care, or they thought he also needed a change of scenery — I don’t know, and neither do the Bills. But the fact remains, that now, in place of the recently defeated dream demon, there is the very same dream demon… but now, corporeal, fluffy, incredibly confused, and horrified at everybody being so fleshy… and way cuter than the original Bill. Of course, shenanigans ensue — Mabel might even like his new appearance, when she gets back to Gravity Falls.
As Bill searches for answers and SOME sort of understanding of what happened, he reaches out to anyone he can get to (that being anyone who stayed in Gravity Falls — so, not Stan or Ford or Dipper or Mabel, but, I suppose, Soos and Melody and Wendy and all the other members of the zodiac). I think, he will do quite well with Soos and Melody! Anyways, I haven’t thought into it that far, just yet.
In the Furry Falls, however, Ford and Bill search for answers together. It is your classical “return to Gravity Falls in a human form” type of story, except no it’s not, because it’s happening in the 80s and Ford now has to explain Bill to Fiddleford — somehow. Billfiddlesford ensues……….
Anyways that’s about it for now! That’s my AU, and it’s gonna be tagged #gravityfursAU :3
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sarahreesbrennan · 4 hours
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Also also: is there any way, or will there be any way, for readers without whichever special edition (?) it’s in to read “Letters to My Lady from the Abyss…”? Reading your Reddit AMA in a desire to know more about this wonderful book and the idea of a tiny bit extra has me 👀
Thank you for wishing to know more! FairyLoot special edition is the special edition with bonus content. I will explain more. FairyLoot is a wonderful UK-based group who make fancy special editions for their monthly boxes. People sign up for FairyLoot and get books picked for them. You can get Young Adult, Adult Fantasy, or Romantasy, or a combination thereof - Long Live Evil was the August Adult Fantasy pick - and you can buy other special editions from their website. So the FairyLoot folks are Tastemakers as well as makers of beautiful objects. (ISN’T IT BEAUTIFUL? Pictures stolen. Interior art by Bon Orthwick who got Marius’s hair PERFECT.)
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But you can’t buy the monthly boxes, unless they have extras! If they do have extra Evils to buy, I will put up a link.
There are many boxes now, but FairyLoot and Illumicrate are the two biggest and have made a lot more people embrace reading and see books as a special treat. Waterstones and Barnes & Noble have started making special editions of books because of them. A while back I knew none of this, because I was staying away from publishing, working with IP books (very different branch of publishing) and training for a different job. But then I did a catch-up call with my frien. She talked about FairyLoot. I did not understand her and thought maybe the deadlines had got on top of her and she believed fairies had looted her manuscript.
Holly: So these FairyLoot editions have (She holds up a copy of… I think… the Coldest Girl In Coldtown?) been amazing for UK sales.
Sarah: Sorry but why are these books so beautiful?
Holly: Because I just explained to you why, girl. Sarah: Can I have this.
Holly: No they’re limited!
So then I knew FairyLoot was a Giant Deal and they were offered Long Live Evil but I was sure they wouldn’t pick me.
My lovely editor Jenni: great news, the FairyLoot people picked you! Sarah: are you. are you quite sure.
Jenni: … yes? Could you write them some bonus content? Sarah: YES! A thing I can do for them? Oh yes! Here’s three things I can do. Tell them they can pick which one they would like!
I wrote a letter for them as well, to be bound in with the book. But the bonus content is an extra adventure or point of view you didn’t get to see in the main book. FairyLoot picks what they think their readers might like most.
I really like epistolary novels, where the action is told though letters, such as Jane Austen’s Lady Susan and Amal El Mohtar and Max Gladstone’s This Is How You Lose The Time War. So I thought it would be fun to do a story through letters!
Obviously I then had a moment of dark self-doubt.
Sarah: O my god why did they pick this nobody’s going to like him what shall I do! Holly: When I was writing Cardan’s letters you said ‘epistolary is so fun, you said, this is a piece of cake, you said, get in loser we’re writing romantically sinister letters, you said…’
Sarah: my Vision is a romantic The Screwtape Letters. Holly: … oh dear. Okay. Get in loser we’re writing romantically sinister letters.
And so with a lil help from my kind frien, I wrote Letters to My Lady From the Abyss, which is an epistolary short story with a POV we don’t get in book 1 and an adventure we don’t get to see. But I did write it, as you see, for FairyLoot so it belongs to them and it’s up to them. I think I might get it back in a year and then I’ll put it up on my website. I will let you know!
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I am so sorry for this very long explanation, I just wanted to let you know what was up.
Should you read it, I hope you enjoy. And I will write more bonus content, I promise!
Also speaking of FairyLoot, they’re doing a readalong of Long Live Evil right now if anyone might like to chat about the book. Here’s a link to people talking about chapters 1-7 - they will do a different chunk every day! I like that people are choosing favourite characters, so far the Cobra, Key and Emer have the votes!
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(Ask ran past the word count, plus tablet is having issues)
I think my favourite variety of “Marinette finally tells Adrien” fic, is. Like. I don’t remember the name, but after everything has gone down, Marinette has some time for introspection, the chance to reevaluate some things. Ya know, now that she isn’t dealing with *gestures to all of that*. After a bit of time (and a lot of guilt) she finally decides “Actually, no. Lying to Adrien about all this shit is wrong, it’s immoral, if I want to have ANY kind of relationship with him, I need to come clean.” So she tries to do that … and can’t, cause Gabe was not trusting, and also excels at fucking things up without even being present, so his Wish means when Marinette agreed to not tell Adrien any of this stuff, she basically signed a magic contract that PHYSICALLY PREVENTS HER from telling him. It also prevents her from telling him anything that could explicitly lead to Adrien figuring it out on his own, which means that, because the “terms” were so broad, & so much of Marinette’s shit has gotten tangled up in the whole … Thing, that she can’t even tell him a lot of adjacent stuff, like “Hey, I think I might have issues with feeling in control”, or, “so, this one time, before we started dating, I stole your phone cause I left an embarrassing voice mail about how hot I thought you were, and I decided stealing your phone and deleting the message was appropriate”.
And, like, she tries some other stuff! But this thing really has a strangle hold on her, so it’s basically no going until she has a total breakdown, and confesses most of this to Chat Noir - not the whole, cause she can’t, but the outline of what happened, cause as long as she isn’t trying to tell Adrien, she can sort of talk around it. Cause they STILL don’t know each other’s identities. And because Magic is finicky and trollish, the fact that “Ladybug” is talking about it with “Chat Noir” apparently doesn’t set it off. And she says just enough that Chat goes “wait, this sounds familiar”, and asks some questions. And the more questions he asks, the weirdly easier it is for Marinette to talk about, until finally Chat bursts out “MY DAD WAS FUCKING HAWK MOTH!?” and the magic contract thing breaks down entirely, cause once Adrien knows, the contract is null and void. 
There was a bit more after that, but that’s the only bit I remember.
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See I really like that! Like
I’ve talked before on how I can initially see Marinette making that snap decision of ‘don’t tell him lie to protect him’.
But I don’t think she’d keep it going once she thinks about it too long and/or the guilt gets to her.
Having the Wish be an aspect to extend the drama is a fantastic way to do this in a way that doesn’t make Mari look like An Asshole™
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tater-tot-jr · 2 days
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Yapping time! Spoilers for DRDT C2E14
So the entire episode was great, but there’s one part I’d like to talk about most. David’s monologue towards the end. Specifically the second half, where he gets away from his logical stuff and into the more interpersonal stuff. I’ll break it down line by line.
“All I want is for Teruko to distrust others.”
Okay we are starting off interesting. Now, due to David’s nature we can’t trust him to be honest. We cannot take this as explicit confirmation of any sort of goal. With that said, his goal appears to be fucking up the class trial in some manner. We don’t know his motive, but that goal seems consistent enough to work with. So let’s work with it. Teruko is literally one half of this classes helpful trial participants. Her and Charles are the entire brain of this class. Charles can be killed, he has a glaring flaw in a debilitating fear of blood, he’s easy enough to deal with when the time comes. Teruko is stupidly resilient. To everything. The one thing she obviously struggles with is her trust issues/paranoia. If you’re looking to get under her skin that’s where you gotta go. Saying this is a clear demonstration he intends to poke at Teruko emotionally, which is an interesting thing to admit out loud. If I had to guess, it’s because he’s trying to kill two birds with one stone and make the class start to distrust Teruko as well.
“That’s why I’m doing this, telling such obvious lies.”
This is him saying he’s lying about seeing the body, I think. He’s doubling down on inciting paranoia, in both Teruko and the class. It’s interesting he would say this out loud. He’s hyper focused on fucking with Teruko and it shows. If you take out the brain, the body goes as well. It’s certainly a strategy of all time.
“There is no other proof of Eden’s innocence.”
As far as we know, this is a true statement right now. Unless I’m unaware of something that was the biggest piece of evidence meant to clear her name, and he brought it into question.
“As long as there’s a possibility that the evidence is false, as long as there’s even the slightest reason to distrust others, then Teruko cannot trust Eden.”
Oof, he’s got her dead to rights. I don’t think there’s a good faith argument for him being wrong. It’s cool to see how much he understands the cast. It’s an interesting way to show how Teruko’s thoughts process works without betraying her guarded nature. Having a character so ready to pick at her weakness is a good writing choice, and I hope they keep David around for a time. Teruko is the least trusting character I’ve ever seen in any fangan game, granted I haven’t played them all but still. There’s a chance the story doesn’t have any sort of lesson, and we’re just gonna watch Teruko suffer. The idea that she can’t bring herself to trust if there’s even a 0.001% chance of something being false is such a good character flaw. She’s clearly terrified of risk, and she doesn’t know how to get rid of her paranoia, even though I think she wants to.
“Isn’t that right, Teruko?”
Ohohoho you smug piece of shit. You fucking dick. This is more proof he’s not just saying these things in an objective way. He’s just trying to hurt her, as far as we can assume.
“…”
Yeah she’s fucking rocked. Teruko really doesn’t take things lying down. Befitting of her backstory, she’s the type to struggle and fight back against anything she can. But here she has nothing to say. David has read her for filth and they both know it. Now that I think about it, this probably also plays on her fear of being vulnerable. What could possibly be more vulnerable than someone telling you your own exact thought process?
“It’s in your nature to distrust people.”
This is a more interesting statement than it appears at first glance. Specifically because he says it’s in her nature. To him, this isn’t a choice she’s making because of the killing game. It’s not circumstance that has pushed her into this. No, this is who she is, and this is who she’ll always be. Which is a horribly insulting thing to say, because it’s within most humans nature to trust each other somewhat, and it’s life circumstances that push them away from collaboration. He’s saying that Teruko is so fucked in the head that she’s fundamentally different from the standard human baseline.
“Everyone you know has already betrayed you. There’s no one in this world who won’t hurt you. Even the people you love will turn their backs on you in the end. You know that well enough, don’t you?”
…Jesus Christ. He really is just the devil on her shoulder. These are her worst thoughts said out loud and back to her. Do you think she considers someone dying on her and leaving her alone a betrayal? Is that a part of this? Him saying “even the people you love” is interesting, does she really even have anyone she loves in the cast? Or does she just tolerate them. He’s making grand, sweeping statements about her life potentially before the killing game and hitting the nail on the head every time. An impressive feat of manipulation and perceptiveness.
“So distrust in others. Because that’s the only way you know how to live.”
Ow. Ouch. Owie. Not only is this a banger way to end the monologue but it’s just so telling. Teruko doesn’t even say anything in response she just waits for Charles to change to subject. Also, is he even really wrong? She tried to afford people trust and then she got stabbed and everyone else blamed her. She’s definitely swung too far the other way, but it’s not like she was good at knowing how much trust to afford people. This life is really the only way she knows how to live. How things are now, she’ll suffer any other way. It’s such juicy character writing. Damned if you do damned if you don’t. David has definitely been watching Teruko’s behavior, and quite frankly he has her figured out. He’s perceived her, and she hates it. I think we all know Teruko is lonely, she deeply wants people around her. But between being a danger to them and all her trust issues she shuts herself away. David is doing everything he can to keep her as far away from forming meaningful connections as possible. He’s clearly got some sort of plan.
There’s also a few things I want to talk about that I didn’t have the ability to put under a spoken line, so I’ll yap down here.
Firstly, Teruko extending some “trust” to Eden doesn’t prove David wrong. If anything, it strengthens his argument. Looking at the actual content of Teruko and Eden’s back and forth, it’s barely a scrap of trust and it’s completely conditional. Teruko basically said “because you helped me last trial I will trust you enough to investigate you second” which is still incredible progress for her, but it’s nothing close to genuine trust. This is not to diminish the progress Teruko made in that scene, but it’s nothing close to countering David’s claims.
Secondly, THAT VOICE ACTING HELLO?!?? David’s VA has always been great, but combined with DRDTdev’s wonderful writing and sprite design/choices he really brought this scene to life. He was perfectly smug and condescending. He had a voice that really portrayed that “I’m 100% right about you and you can’t do anything about it” vibe. Just a total piece of shit. 10/10 would listen again.
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epic-kotlc-crossover · 16 hours
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Polyphemus
Hey guys! The first chapter of the Cyclops saga is here!!!
Tags: @myfairkatiecat @ham-cheese-toastie @bookwormgirl123 @thesfromhms @justalunaticfangirl (let us know if you want to be tagged in the future!)
After Athena faded away, Fitz’s vision sharpened back to reality. They were approaching an island, and even from this far away, the whole fleet could hear the Bla-ah-ah-ah! Blah-ah-ah-ah! of the sheep. There must be hundreds, just grazing peacefully, unaware of the men docking below them. 
There was a bit of a climb to reach the fields, but it was so, so worth it. Fitz transmitted orders to the small crew he had taken up with him, not wanting to disturb the tranquil silence. They obeyed, silently killing enough sheep to feed the crew for at least a month.
Keefe whispered, “I have to hand it to you and Dex. This is quite the treat.”
Fitz leaned closer, “I don’t trust this. Why would the lotus-eaters pass up on all of this food?”
Suddenly the ground started to shake beneath the sailors’ feet. Thump! Thump! Thump! 
Were those…footsteps? 
“Who are you?” An impossibly deep rumbling voice asked. Dread crept into Fitz’s mind, but he pushed it aside. He had to show this monster that he wasn’t afraid of it. 
Stay calm! Fitz transmitted his group. They nodded, hands ready to grab their weapons. 
“Hey there!” Fitz shouted. “We come in peace. We’re just travelers looking for food.” The monster wasn’t in sight yet, so Fitz really hoped it wasn’t getting mad.
“You killed my sheep.” It was a statement, not a question. “These were my favorite sheep. What gives you the right to deal me this pain?
“Don’t you know that the pain you cause others will be reflected upon yourself? Your life is in MY hands now.”
The monster slowly lumbered into sight. It was a Cyclops. But not just any Cyclops….
This was Polyphemus, the biggest of the beasts to walk the earth. His giant– singular– eye glared down at the mortals. Fitz could imagine the sound of his army being crunched in his massive jaw. His teeth were pointed to a sharp edge, and–was that dried blood? He hoped not. 
“When I’m through with you, you’ll regret ever setting foot on my island. You came to my home to steal, and now you’ll become my meal. A trade, you see? I’ll take from you like you took from me.”
“There’s been a misunderstanding! We never came here to steal! Now that we know these sheep were yours, perhaps you and I can make a deal? I’ll give you our finest treasure, as long as you let us leave here alive!” He called. Polyphemus loomed over him, considering.
“What is this treasure?” He boomed. 
“The world’s best-tasting wine!” Fitz answered. Keefe glanced over, confusion in his ice-blue gaze. 
Fitz took a moment to say, Trust me. I know what I’m doing, before turning back to the Cyclops. 
“Wine?” the beast said suspiciously.
Fitz pulled the bottle from his satchel, handing it to the monster. The bottle was barely as big as Polyphemus’s finger, but he still looked delighted.
“Have a drink!” Fitz said, “Take one sip and you’ll understand how lucky you are to have this. It’s wine so fresh, you’ll never want to eat human flesh again!”
Polyphemus downed the bottle in one sip, hurling the glass into the sea when he was finished. 
“Now we’ll be on our way with no blood spilled here today,” Fitz said. Keefe looked like he couldn’t believe that had actually worked, and Fitz had a similar feeling.
“Wait! Before you go I must ask you: What is your name?”
Fitz panicked. He couldn’t tell the beast the truth. So he raised his head and calmly said, “My name is Nobody.”
“Nobody,” Polyphemus repeated slowly. “I must pay you back for this gift.”
“I’m so glad we see eye to eye,” Fitz said with a smile. 
“Yes, you shall be the final man to DIE.”
“What?” Fitz asked, shock quieting his voice. A moment later, Polyphemus stepped closer to the crew. Fitz got a sinking feeling in his gut. Keefe glanced at his captain, clearly trying to ask “What are we going to do?” without words.
Fitz only had one answer. As loud as he could, he screamed, “WATCH OUT!”
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ooc post abt some drama
So I’m pretty sure everyone has either interacted with @/demigod-jack-hearth or at least seen some of the posts that were made abt his Circe au. I’ve been trying to keep track of everyone’s thoughts on this (namely @unhinged-waterlilly and @if-chaos-was-a-boy who both have really helpful posts about it) and since I’m capable of producing coherent thoughts every once in a while, I thought I would share my thoughts on all of this.
So I should probably start with the AU, which really was the cause of a lot of this chaos. So first of all, making it in the first place was a very interesting choice. I’m not sure if Jack based it more off the odyssey or the epic musical, but either way it’s just a very weird decision. I understand people like to project on their character which makes sense, but Jack never mentioned being r@ped. (And I hope he never was) but it feels like if he was comfortable enough to make that part of an AU, he would’ve probably mentioned it one of the times he was trying to defend himself.
I understand that HE might’ve thought it was a fine change to make since he was comfortable with it, but I’ve seen a handful of people saying it made them uncomfortable. I’m aware it’s not his job to make sure everyone is happy, but the whole AU was really unnecessary knowing it could’ve made someone uncomfortable.
People even went to Jack saying they were v!ctims and they didn’t like his AU, and he basically told them to fuck off, without ANY condolences or apologies to the people for having to go through that. Those people shared their experiences and he just didn’t care.
And YES Odysseus is a fictional character, but his trauma is still basically being disrespected. I’ve seen a couple of people saying other are being dramatic since they are angry about him being invalidated, but it makes sense to me why they would be angry.
One anon (who was a sa victim of I remember right) came to Jack being rude, and SO many people have been rude to this anon, calling them either rude or dramatic, but honestly I think they were just really angry about what Jack had done (which is perfectly understandable) and they didn’t really think or bother to be polite when they sent that. They made a mistake too, but I don’t think jacks response was any better.
And once he realized that he was wrong (after having to be confronted by multiple people) he NEVER apologized. The words “I’m sorry” were not on a single one of his posts. He basically was just trying and failing to defend himself. This all could’ve been solved much quicker with a simple apology, but he’s more concerned with making sure everyone likes him and that he’s right so he doesn’t have to deal with any guilt.
And now he’s apparently disappeared and has been self harming and just struggling a lot. But you want to know what I find interesting? Jack never mentioned having a boyfriend, and now Fred has taken control of his account, responding to almost everyone and trying to defend Jack. I might be the only one, but I did NOT understand how to use tumblr at first, and it took me a while until I even learned how to reblog people and tag stuff. Even once I did learn how to tag people, I wasn’t tagging 20+ people on every post like Jack does. Another interesting thing is that the blog said something along the lines of “I didn’t mean to blah blah blah” and sounded like it was Jack defending himself, but then the message ended with -Freddy
If I was Fred, I would’ve made ONE post explaining why Jack disappeared, and not mentioning any of the sh or breakdowns. He could’ve made a post without mentioning all of that and disrespecting jacks privacy. Instead, he’s been responding to every person and mostly trying to defend Jack in every one of them. He also said he locked Jack out of his tumblr account, which you LITERALLY CANNOT DO unless he took away Jacks phone, which just seems really controlling, even if he did think it was best for Jack. So yes, this is me saying that I don’t think Fred is real. Especially since Jack is a ROLEPLAYER, and we are completely used to acting like different people.
Going back to the self-harm topic, I think that parts very weird as well. He’s made self harm jokes, and while I know perfectly well people can use humor as a coping mechanism, that’s just another really insensitive thing to do. It just doesn’t really make sense to me how you can make self harm jokes one week and then let your boyfriend tell a bunch of people on the internet you’ve been trying to hurt yourself.
Overall I think this spiraled into a lot more than it should’ve been, and this all wouldn’t have happened if he had just apologized, or just never have made that AU.
jacks tag list- @zariahthewitch @thegroovydaughterofhestia @if-chaos-was-a-boy @the-gods-strange-children @silena-daughterofaphrodite
@fabulousdaughterofhecate @weakest-son-of-sun @chaos-pers0nified @neoptolemus-achilles-son
@bast-the-best26 @goddess-of-bubblegum @gaygirldoodles @luck-is-crucial
@reyna4ever @vicious-daughter-of-zeus @feral-hermes-child @oopsies-i-did-a-thing @unfortunate-daughter-of-hestia
@that-girl-cupid @ariathemortal @love-lightning-forethought @emdabitchass
@kaiaalwayswins @champion-of-revenge @i-was-never-sane @clown-energy-skyrocketing @zoe-aura-of-d3ath
@itsyourboyezra @lunar-eklipso-r @pink-koi-lovejoy @that-daughter-of-athena
@sleepy-as-a-song @smileyalater @thedaughter-of-death @gellyhelio @daughter-ofthe-moontitan
@demeters-daughter-is-done @the-smart-and-the-dumb-one @trinket-snatcher @southerndaughterofeos
@creature-under-ur-bed @burnt-out-bitxhes
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m4sc4r4 · 2 years
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More on bad relationship habits in the tags
#I mean this didn’t turn up in a vacuum like I think it started when I was a kid and I was picking people#sometimes unconsciously sometimes deliberately#to act as a stand in for the parental love and validation and just like general guidance that I didn’t get#something I needed to do not only because sometimes it was the only way to address real practical problems sometimes I just needed#to fill the void#and so I have complicated feelings on it bc no one really wanted to be that for me so I understand that they were overwhelmed#not to mention sometimes my age or only a couple years older#but like at the same time sometimes I just wanna look back and scream for someone to just acknowledge me and the situation I’m in#I got the constant tired response of like ‘’go to ur dad about this’’ but if you take 2 seconds to think#why would I be spending all my time trying to keep strangers online happy and even sometimes enduring them being very mean to me#and spending all my time worrying if I was palatable enough to make them love me basically#which even meant dreading turning 18 bc I was worried they’d abandon me#why would I be doing all that if my dad was a reliable figure in my life?#and it’s so angering bc it’s like you could’ve discussed your own side of things without denying the gravity of the situation#but anyway that’s a tangent that’s not the point#I know it wasn’t great for the people around me#and now i really have no excuse but to change#but that’s so difficult especially since historically when people i viewed as standin caretakers got fed up with me#I’d just abandon them and cut them off entirely bc of good ol rsd#I don’t really know any other way to deal with it
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milo-is-rambling · 5 months
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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