#I don't talk about how I perceive myself or my gender

[pewcat2]

there is something so gender affirming about writing about yourself in a professional sense and feeling comfortable about switching pronouns throughout the entire blurb

[gay-gothic-ghoul]

Been dwelling on the fact that all the things I keep hidden from my family is a wishlist of what I dream my mother would understand. Y'know how it is ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

[cardentist]

"yes trans mascs experience transphobia, but there's no such thing as trans mascs experiencing bigotry Specifically Related to them being men/from being related to men"

my mom, after some time sorting her feelings and sifting through trans resources, was accepting of my being a trans person. it took work, but it happened. she sought out trans media from trans people, she took initiative to inform other family members and put herself between me and them.

and she completely refused to even start the process of Maybe getting me on testosterone for 10 years, until I aged out of being covered by her health insurance and couldn't afford to do it myself.

Specifically And Entirely because she was terrified that testosterone was going to make me an angry, violent person. that it was going to, in her own word, "give me roid rage."

for years she made vague pantomimes about eventually seeing about transitioning, but That reasoning would still come up no matter how I tried to explain it to her otherwise.

I am not a particularly violent person, if maybe stubborn. but that didn't matter. what Mattered is that my mother had a preconceived notion of what testosterone does, what Masculinity Does, and that notion was an inherently negative, scary one.

and Because Of That I was denied access to resources That I Need for Years. something that has carried over into the rest of my adult life.

and I see sentiments like hers online, even and sometimes Especially in trans spaces, all the time.

this vision of men as inherently violent, of masculinity as inherently dangerous, and the onus placed in the laps of Trans Men (and often, on Trans Boys) to diminish and shrink themselves to Prove that they're non-threatening enough to be tolerated.

and it bares pointing out that this Isn't just something that affects trans men. trans Women are just as affected by this association with maleness as an inherently corrupting factor. and so to are butch women and nonbinary people presented as violent and scary.

likewise, I see Similar sentiments pushed at butches and trans mascs that it's their job to Protect other people within the queer community, that image of violence and anger filtered through a softer light designating their Use. you're Allowed to be a Scary Masculine Creature as long as you dedicate yourself to protecting the weaker frailer other (which is, you know. Sexist And Weird).

but it's like. people don't Want to think about different kinds of trans and gnc people having overlapping experiences, so instead people like to decide which Kind of people are allowed to have this experience and cut other sorts of people out of those conversations.

it's not about what a particular person's gender or presentation Is, it's how that person Is Perceived and the way that they're treated Because Of that perception. sometimes this transphobia that fears masculinity looks like a perception of scary men trying to pretend to be women, sometimes it looks like a perception of women Becoming scary men, and everything that lies in between (with combinations therein).

finding a term that is used to describe this is Useful not just for giving trans mascs a way to talk about their experiences without encroaching on other conversations about transness. but Also in giving us words to describe a specific phenomenon that Can affect All trans people (and gnc people, and genderqueer people, etc), but that is difficult for us to recognize as a shared experience because people seem to think that sharing experiences is either impossible or a bad thing.

[strangertheories]

It is my biggest pet peeve when (mostly) straight people try to make queer people feel guilty for shipping two same gender characters together or say it's problematic to ship them, so I've made a little list debunking their ideas. I'll be talking a lot about Byler but this also applies to Elmax, Ronance, Steddie and queer ships in general.

"Why can't people be friends anymore?" Why can't a guy and a girl be friends either? Why aren't you saying this about Chrissy and Eddie shippers? Unless the issue is that they're gay.

"You're assuming Will is gay based on stereotypes!" Of course, the horrible stereotype that gay guys like men but not women, how problematic of me.

"You're fetishizing children!" No one says this about M*leven shippers. The fact that you view a queer relationship as inherently sexual and adult is sexualising young people much more than shipping Will and Mike does.

"Men will be scared to be affectionate to their friends in real life in case people think that they're gay!" First of all, I doubt some straight guy is going to stop hanging out with his friend because some random person on the internet drew Steddie fanart. And second of all, why are we treating straight men's fear of being perceived as gay as a perfectly valid and normal fear? (I elaborate a bit on this point in the reblogs)

"Why is it okay to say Mike Wheeler is gay but not say Robin is straight? You're erasing his sexuality!" First of all, when did Mike say he's straight? Sure he said he loves Eleven (which I doubt he does anyways) but bi people exist. Plus, there are so many straight characters and ships out there. Straight people don't look up lists of shows with canonical queer representation or watch a show because it has a straight girl in it. Lesbians like myself look up to characters like Robin and they are meaningful to them. No straight person feels seen in their heterosexuality because of Mike Wheeler. The only exception in my opinion is when people headcanon straight characters who are dating trans people as bi like Tao from Heartstopper because that comes off as transphobic.

"They're too young to know that they're gay and you're forcing a sexuality on them." I've known I'm gay since I was eleven or twelve which is the age they are in S1. And yet again, why aren't you saying this about straight people! Everyone accepted that Dustin and Lucas liked Max in S2. Yet Will is too young to know who he likes... Interesting.

"Grown adults wanting two young boys to kiss each other is pretty weird." The issue with this is again the hypocrisy. Adult M*leven shippers don't get told this. Mike kissed Eleven in S1 and it was completely cute and non-sexual because they are children so of course it isn't sexual. Hell they even made out when they were 13 and no one complained. Why would that be any different if he kissed Mike instead of Will? Yet again, people view queer people as being inherently sexual but queer people get cute little crushes or want to kiss people sometimes too. It's not a sexual thing. It's the exact same as a straight person doing it.

Anyways that's my rant done. It just annoys me when half of their arguements saying why it's wrong to ship these characters are just masked homophobia, even if the person saying it doesn't realize. Feel free to add more to this in the reblogs, this is just what I've seen.

[spiderfreedom]

my suffering is profound and legitimate, yours is frivolous nonsense

Just reading a blogger I like but I had to laugh because she was talking about how beauty practices are bad for women's mental health, and she left a note saying "unlike gender affirming care! gender affirming care improves people's mental health and it's nothing at all like cosmetic practices."

TIL, when an older woman gets botox to remove her wrinkles and avoid facing the inevitability of decline and death, her problem is spiritual/structural and she needs to Do The Work to deprogram her ageism, unlike people with dysphoria, who of course have legitimate claims to cosmetic alteration.

And it is cosmetic - no part of the body that is altered by HRT or SRS or any of the feminization/masculinization surgeries is failing to function or functioning poorly. The problem is with the brain, which perceives the body parts as foreign or undesirable. We may sympathize with someone struggling with such a condition, but that does not change that the body parts being altered were already healthy and the alterations are cosmetic, and the relief being brought about is mental.

But plenty of trans people openly admit that separating body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria is a losing game. Contrapoints's video on "Beauty" (transcript) has the observation that she feels least dysphoric when she is meeting feminine beauty norms:

But I also think that trans people often talk like gender dysphoria is this intrinsic, personal experience that's always 100% valid and never has anything at all to do with the external pressure of beauty standards. But in fact, gender dysphoria is not sealed away in a vacuum away from the influence of societal ideals and norms.  [...] When I try to psychoanalyze myself, I find that my desires to look female, to look feminine, and to look beautiful are not exactly the same, but they're woven together so tightly that it's kind of difficult to untangle them. And the opposite is also true, that for me feeling mannish or dysphoric usually goes along with feeling ugly. I don't have a lot of days where I walk out the house thinking "well, I'm giving femme queen realness, but apart from that I look like absolute shit". 

Max Robinson's book "Detransition," from an FTM perspective, points out how the prospective trans man views his suffering as unique from and distinct from women's, even as the surgeries they seek are not especially different:

The stereotypical cosmetic surgery patient is seeking to become closer to being perfectly feminine - she wants to be beautiful. Transitional cosmetic surgery, on the other hand, is widely understood to mark the patient as ex-female and therefore unfemale; this is part of the meaning FTMs seek to create through surgery. FTM desire for cosmetic surgery is positioned as something totally different than the stereotype of a woman who 'merely' seeks beauty at her frivolous leisure. FTMs are deemed to have a rare affliction that needs urgent, life-saving treatment. Conversely, there is nothing more common than for a woman to become obsessed with her socially-deemed 'unsatisfactory' looks and desperately seek to change them, believing that such a change is the only thing that can restore her quality of life. This comparison will feel like an insult to the FTM. It will feel that way because we believe other women's suffering doesn't matter, and recognize how much ours does. Women's suffering is ordinary but ours is extraordinary. For us to matter, we must be differentiated from the silly little woman who wants to be pretty so badly she'll pay thousands of dollars (now billable to credit cards and loan programs designed to pay for elective surgeries!) to risk her life and health. These women don't need to be fixed; we do. FTMs know that we don't deserve a woman's fate but have not yet realized that no woman does.

I have more to write on the topic of the relationship between gender identity and beauty culture, but I'll end this one here. It makes sense that somebody who is identified with the opposite sex would also be affected by the standards of beauty expected of that sex. (Non-binary identification is more complicated and requires separate treatment.)

[littelestvic]

About the Damon Baker x Kris Gustin photo session and what it means to me as a queer artist obsessed with Joker Out

Note, this is not me trying to look smart and trying to talk about someone else's art pieces, although my dearest Daria made a small analysis on the Kris-Bojan set that I found very interesting, and it is interesting that these are a somewhat subjective views of Bojan and Kris's souls, or at least a visual representation of themselves as people. In any case, this is, if anything, an overview of what these art pieces make me feel and their significance to me.

First I must admit, as an artist, that these photos are beautiful and actually hold a lot of artistic value from my perspective. I think these should be seen as pieces of art and must be perceived in a different way than other Joker Out photos. However it is still very interesting how much these photos actually talk about the subject: these pieces are an exploration of Kris Gustin, the person portrayed, and I've honestly never have seen portraits that explore the nature of the subject in such a personal manner. Kris is displayed in a subjective, intimate way, whether how Damon sees him or how Kris himself sees himself deep down. I'm sure more elaborate and accurate explanations of Damon's art can be found online, as I actually didn't know of his work until now, but as I was able to read he focus a lot on the intimacy of the subject.

Anyways, there's a clear theme this session follows: femeninity and vulnerability. The usage of visible makeup (a first time for Kris on camera if I'm aware), the flowers, the exposed skin, the cloth (a typical femenine piece of clothing on Balkan/Slavic cultures), I think they were all choices to purposefully provide a more femenine vision of Kris. But he still allows himself to do poses similar to those I've seen him do before, there's still a hint of the Kris I know, his posing flows naturally and doesn't feel forced because this is just a natural extension of what he is, this is a natural exploration of his most femenine side, he is simply letting himself flow.

I think we all know Kris seems to be a man with a complex relationship with normative gender roles. Even as a cishet man he has this appearance and mannerisms that can be more related to a more "femenine" convention of gender and I have always wondered if he has ever struggled with this, and that if he has ever felt forced to keep the normative conventions of what a man should be. Things like asking to have his hair cut shorter after being called a girl when he was a child, or denying to be put makeup on by fans, he sometimes tried to run away from things that could be perceived as "feminine", maybe out of insecurity, maybe out of fear.

But there he is,

Glitter on his eyes,

Flower in his head,

Embracing himself.

I am a person with a complex relationship with gender roles. I was born a woman. I am short and tiny and have feminine features that simply cannot be ignored. I will forever be perceived as a woman by the people around me. I look like a girl, I have long hair because I am not allowed to have it short and I wear women's clothes. And while I don't want to be a girl, my relationship with femininity is actually very strong. I like pretty things, I like sparkles and pink, I like everything girly, I like girls. I've been told it's stupid to perceive myself as a guy since I look so girly, since I like so many girly things, and in times I don't feel I have deserved the masculine pronouns I use and my neutral name I've given myself (the ones I can only use online out of fear).

So I try to put some sense into it. I draw girly things because I like girly things. I draw men because I want to be like men. I draw men in pretty soft pinks and sparkles and sequins because that's what I am.

And I've found a safe place in Kris, with his non conforming masculinity that more often than not becomes femininity. As many other people like me, I like him because he helps me put sense to my feelings. I draw him in soft pastels and pretty clothes and delicate features because in my mind, if a man like him can be allowed to be femenine, then I can allow myself to feel the way I feel too. I can allow myself to simply not fit any binary gender convention, and I can allow myself to be myself. I like Kris because I find a part of me in himself, I relate to him and I see myself in his eyes. It is a complex relationship where I don't necessarily like him because I find him attractive, I am not actually sexually attracted to him; I see myself in him, in my own little weird way. I have distorted my own reality to make my own perception of him fit my needs. This is why I draw him the way I draw him. And perhaps that's why so many praise how I draw Kris. It is unique because it's personal. And I know he doesn't necessarily see himself this way, at least not in the degree I do. My Kris talks much more about how I see myself than how I see him. The way I draw Kris represents myself. My Kris is myself.

So when I saw him in this session, with the glimpse and the passion and the attitude I draw him like, it felt special.

"He looks like my art" I told myself. "He's seen himself the way I see him."

This is Kris,

This is my Kris,

This is me.

So I'm very thankful for Kris trying to open himself, and embracing this vulnerable side of him I purposefully push into the narrative of my art. He called these "therapy sessions", so I can't help but wonder if these have been helpful to him, if he has found something about him, if he has learnt to accept himself the way he is. He has helped me cope with complicated subjects of my life, and I cling to him to keep with life. He is my special little obsession that keeps me alive. So I can't help but sometimes wonder if he's happy, If he's loved, if he's content with himself.

And I think this exploration of himself will be very helpful to his soul. I am very proud of him, I am hopeful for his future, and I wish him the best.

I love you, my muse, and thank you for allowing yourself to see you with my own eyes.

[schtrawberry]

personal astrology observations

[!] this is mostly an introspective view into my chart; in no way, shape, or form am i saying that any of this is fact or set in stone, nor am i saying that i am a professional astrologer. these are just presences that exist within my chart that i've felt manifest themselves in real life. simply put, take what resonates and leave what doesn't :)

— sun in hard aspect to neptune can indicate having an (extremely) clouded view of oneself to the point of there being a huge gap in the way they think they're presenting themselves to the world to how they're actually perceived and viewed by other people.

[i have this aspect in square and i've noticed that people perceive me as more than i truly am (more financially-abundant, skilled, smarter than i actually am, etc.) and just make incorrect assumptions about my personality and who i am, in general. i feel that this might be due to the clouded nature of neptune versus the outward nature of the sun which has led to a social manifestation of the unclearness of my inner self and the way i display myself to the world, if that makes sense.]

═ another thing, i don't think people talk enough about how strongly neptune manifests itself in this placement, even among individuals with very little neptunian energy in their charts. daydreaming and just being not fully there plays a large part in who i am, and not even in a cute dumb blonde kinda way, more in an absentminded, head-in-the-clouds kinda way.

☰ sun in the tenth house 🤝🏽 being/wanting to be on a reality tv show!

[i swear as someone w this placement, i often find myself genuinely feeling like yes, if given the chance to do love island/too hot to handle/twenty-somethings/the bachelor— i 100% would.]

☱ mercury in hard aspect to neptune can indicate having a beautiful way w words but also not being able to explain things clearly?? can also manifest itself in just literally being difficult to understand at times, either due to the volume of their voice, way of speaking, or choice of words.

☲ moon opposition mars can exhibit deep emotional turmoil and not being able to handle one's emotions in a calm manner. i find that this manifests itself in the occasional emotional outburst (whether it's more crying or anger or both probably depends on both the moon and mars sign) but yeah— turmoil.

[i have personally experienced multiple events throughout my life where i've gone through public (embarassing, ik) emotional outbursts during stressful situations. luckily, my moon is in cancer so i'm more just a ball of tears, but this has been something that i'm still struggling to control, even as a twenty-one yr old]

☴ having a heavily-aspected chiron (multiple major aspects to personal planets, asc, and mc) and feeling rejected by your family and peers. chiron is the asteroid of wounds, hence a heavy presence in one's chart can indicate multiple emotional wounds involving one's parents, the same/opposite gender, along with inner and outer turmoil.

[tw: mention of suicidal thoughts i have chiron aspecting my sun, moon, venus, mars, and mc (most of them being hard aspects), and have felt suicidal for most of my life. i've never really fit in anywhere and have always been at odds with both the masculine and feminine energies in my life. if you have this placement as well, i genuinely hope you're doing well bc this energy is hard to cope w sometimes.]

[`] film: 千禧曼波 millenium mambo (2001) dir. hou hsiao hsien

next

[genderkoolaid]

Kind of related to the 't makes you a mansplainer' thing I'm always amazed by thr difference in the way people perceive my music now. Pre t people thought it was cool that I played guitar but the second my voice started dropping and my beard started coming in people started getting annoyed by it. I started getting "no one wants to hear wonderwall" (I've never played that song) and "we don't need another man with an acoustic guitar". I don't even pass yet. That shift was instantaneous. And it's from the exact same people who thought it was cool before at a queer drop in center i go to, they used to turn down the music playing in the center because people were listening to me, going through my songbook and making requests. Now I'm lucky if I can play 1 song before someone tells me to stop because "no one wants to hear another man with an acoustic guitar"

It really hurts makes me want to quit playing.

Like I know t ruined my singing voice but damn, I just want to play my guitar I worked hard to teach myself to play.

Its so aggravating to me how cis, binary feminism has people treating trans men like we aren't an oppressed group. Erasing all of our unique experiences and struggles and perspectives to make us seem like Cis Men But Short And Weird. Your experience reminds me of people talking about how they went from being praised for being a woman in a male-dominated field to being ashamed of transitioning because they "failed" to "be a role model". In both cases, there's this assumption that trans men don't need support, that our accomplishments aren't hard-won, that we never struggle to make a place for ourselves in society. I mentioned in the notes of a post how we need a good word to describe being unfairly cast as an oppressor to cover up/ignore oppression (not just for transandrophobia but also antisemitism) because its so fucking concerning!! Its like people are specifically blinding themselves to trans men's transness and doing everything in their power to act like we're cis men. And its because thats basically what cis feminism does- there are only two roles, Woman (oppressed) and Man (oppressor), and by and large it only has two ways of reacting to trans men: either we're oppressed (by misogyny and nothing else) Women, or we're oppressors and Men. There isn't any way for us to place ourselves in this binary without harming ourselves. And so much of the time, this ideology ends up with us being punching bags for other people to take out their anger and trauma from cis men at an target they can have power over, while justifying it by saying that we're privileged men who need to suck it up and stop being so sensitive.

I'm going on a tangent but the point is: I'm mad as fuck that you are getting treated like this. I absolutely do want to hear more trans men playing acoustic guitar, because I never get to see trans men doing fucking anything! Being recognized as men and as equally male as cis men should not have to come at the cost of being recognized and supported like other marginalized genders. I'm so sorry you've had to go through that and I hope you are able to find people & a community that celebrates you and your talents like you deserve.

[beanghostprincess]

Sanji has helped me in so many ways. I will forever be grateful for the creation of this character. He quite literally means the world to me right now.

(TW: ED/Depression/Suicide attempt mention)

I've always struggled with food. Well, not always. But at the end of middle school (more or less. Give or take. Age 12/13) I became obsessed with what I ate. I still don't know exactly how it started, but I think it has always been a mix of my need to control my life when it's crumbling down and the necessity to look skinny (both things are my mother's fault, mostly. And also lots of things going on at the moment). So I started skipping meals constantly and throwing away food and throwing up. Not gonna get into details, but it ruined my life without anybody knowing until a huge depressive episode came and then I tried to off myself, yadda yadda yadda. Then I just stopped eating food and my meals every day were basically a monster and gum and maybe a piece of fruit. I couldn't even drink milk without crying. Then it got a bit better. Then a bit worse. It wasn't very consistent. And then I started doing exercise but that only made me even more obsessed with calorie intake and healthy food and I still can't drink milk or bread without at least feeling awful about it.

And then I watched One Piece.

I know it sounds extremely silly and dumb, but it has helped me in so many ways. I'm not gonna get into all the things it has done for me, because then I'd have to talk about Robin, Nami, Luffy, Pudding and Buggy which are, like, the characters that have helped me the most next to Sanji, and I would not finish this post.

But Sanji is just so, so important to me.

He speaks about food with such passion. His whole thing about not wasting food literally comes from an experience of starvation and because of the sacrifice his father made for him. He keeps saying he refuses to let people go hungry, no matter what. That we all deserve to eat. He relates food to love and cooking is his whole life. It kind of started as a joke when my brother said "nooo, now you can't waste food because Sanji would be sad" and I- That day I literally ate wayyy more than usual with that thought in mind. And I didn't feel bad afterward for once. And he's just- He just makes me feel so comfortable around food. Which is the normal amount of comfort somebody should have and sometimes it's not even that, but it helps. It helps so much.

Then his whole thing with Germa and the Vinsmokes. It killed me. My relationship with my mother is, uh, you can call it complicated but I fucking hate her so. Yeah. And Sanji's story about rejecting his blood relatives and finding better people who will love him hit so close to home. Him being different. Weak. More emotional. A good person. Sanji refusing to use the name Vinsmoke. It's my whole life. Sanji self-sabotaging himself all the time and constantly sacrificing himself, too? I just can't do it, man, he means the world to me. And then Wano happens and he turns out to have the same body as his siblings but he's still himself. He's still Sanji no matter how much in common he has with the Vinsmokes. And as somebody who's constantly dealing with people telling them that they look like their mom? I fucking love it. I know I look like her and I even act like her sometimes but that doesn't mean I am her. And it doesn't mean she deserves to be part of my family, because she isn't and I can't wait to get rid of her in my life.

It's not only food and family, though. Sanji has helped me accept myself in so many ways too. In the way I perceive others and in the way I act. He has helped me eat. He has helped me realize you don't have to consider your blood relatives family if you don't love them. He has helped me see that my kindness is a strength and not a weak spot.

Not to mention that his whole thing with gender and sexuality, how the fandom portrays him, and how I personally write him has been of so much help in understanding myself. I recently discovered I was a lesbian, and also being genderfluid I just- I just love Sanji so much I be projecting my gender issues and internalized stuff with comphet on him. And let me tell you, it helps.

This whole thing is just something short and sweet I wanted to say because media affects people. In the best of ways. One Piece in general has saved my life in many ways, but Sanji in particular is still helping me every day.

[gay-otlc]

Transmasc Lesbianism

I'm a lesbian. I'm also a straight trans man. This might confuse you, but you may want to consider looking at perspectives of gender and sexuality that differ from your own and don't fit into neat little boxes.

A definition of lesbian that has been gaining popularity in queer spaces is "non men loving non men." This was meant to be inclusive for nonbinary lesbians, as an alternative to "women loving women." However, the phrase is very flawed. I've spoken about this elsewhere, but the main points are

It categorizes all nonbinary people alongside women. In this context, "non-men" comes off as "women or nonbinary people who are basically women." Not all nonbinary people, even if they're non-men will feel comfortable being labeled as a lesbian, since the term has feminine connotations and can cause dysphoria. It's unfair to put them in this box just because they're not a man.

Attraction is complex and cannot be divided into "attracted to men" and "not attracted to men." This disregards people who use the split attraction model (different romantic and sexual orientations), people who experience alterous attraction, people with fluid sexualities, and more.

Gender is complex and cannot be divided into "male" and "all genders that are not male." The identity most blatantly erased by this is multigender identities- people with multiple genders can be both male and a gender that is not male. There are also genderfluid people who are sometimes male, demigender people who are partially male, or nonbinary people who don't identify as male but may refer to themselves with masculine terms such as boy or man anyway.

The focus of lesbianism should not be excluding men. Mindsets like this are echoing TERF rhetoric that seeks to exclude transfeminine lesbians because TERFs wrongly consider them to be men. And it's annoying to make our identity about men or lack thereof, when we don't need to be talking about men at all- our community is about our shared attraction for women, because women are great!

Awesome, we've got that out of the way. If you're still reading this and going "but you can't be a trans man and a lesbian, lesbian means non men loving non men!!!!!", then I don't know what to tell you. Read the list again? Go through the other posts linked? Maybe log off tumblr?

If you read all that and you're willing to accept that not all lesbians will fit into "non men loving non men," and you don't understand but you're open to learn, read on! By the end you might still not understand, but you don't need to understand me to respect me.

For some context, here is a description of my gender and sexuality.

Gender: I'm a bigender trans man. To put it as simply as I can, my gender is primarily male, but I also have some of the female gender. I'm comfortable being seen as solely a man or both a man and a woman, but not solely a woman.

Sexuality: I'm sexually attracted to women almost exclusively. As mentioned at the beginning of the post, I describe myself as a lesbian (or gay, sapphic, etc). I also describe myself as a straight man (or straight transmasc, transhet, etc).

How can I be both?

That's where my multigender identity comes into play. I'm a man and a woman. I'm attracted to women. This makes me both a man attracted to women and a woman attracted to women; a straight man and a lesbian.

Like I said earlier, male is my primary gender and being female is more secondary. So, I'm primarily a man attracted to women, and to a lesser extent a woman attracted to women. Internally, I perceive myself as more of a straight man than a lesbian. I get a lot of gender euphoria from calling myself a straight man, and the feminine connotations of lesbian can sometimes make me uncomfortable.

So, why do I still identify as a lesbian?

Although I consider myself and my attraction to be mostly transhet, that's not really how I interact with the world around me. I'm out as bigender to some people, but I'm also closeted in many contexts, and I don't pass very well even where I am out. This means I navigate my life as someone generally perceived as a woman, who is attracted to women. Even if I don't always consider myself to fit fully with lesbianism, a majority of people will interpret me that way when they find out I'm attracted to women.

Lesbianism is a label I found my home in, for many years, and it still means a lot to me. I spent a long time defining myself as a lesbian and existing in our community, and it's a significant part of my identity.

The way I experienced my attraction growing up was a lesbian experience, not a straight experience. I consider myself a straight man now, but I didn't grow up interacting with the world as a heterosexual child. I was expected to have crushes on boys and was mocked for not fitting into that. I was called a lesbian in a derogatory way when I was ten, and I found power in reclaiming that. When I realized I was attracted to women, I spent years feeling like a freak for it until lesbians communities helped me to be proud. Lesbian is the label that most accurately describes my history and my experience as a young queer.

Also, although the label lesbian sometimes causes dysphoria, I sometimes get euphoria from referring to myself or being referred to as a lesbian. I especially get euphoria from being a butch lesbian. I take so much joy from my butch identity. And while referring to myself as lesbian in a joking manner, with phrases like "I'm so gay for her" or "not to be a lesbian but oh my god," might not count as gender euphoria, saying them makes me happy, and that's enough for me.

So, why do I identify as a man? Because I am one.

Why do I identify as a lesbian? Because it describes my past experience and the way I interact with the world as someone perceived as a woman. Because it's important to me. Because I want to.

Why do I use these labels that contradict each other? Because these are the labels that are right for me, and I have every right to have a confusing identity.

Thank you for your time.

[c0l0re]

To this day I have so many Feelings about Yume Nikki, and especially its main character, Madotsuki. She is such a fascinating character despite the fact that she never says a single word or even directly shares her thoughts on anything. Just from exploring this girl's dreams, you can piece together so much about her life, her fears, people she knew and may have been close with or were afraid of, the list goes on

One particular interpretation I find very interesting and actually have myself is that Madotsuki is transgender, specifically a trans woman. The amount of imagery in Yume Nikki that can be easily viewed through a trans lens is astounding, honestly

Monsters in the shape of genitalia that feels like a visual metaphor for gender dysphoria and discomfort or even fear of her own body, the insane about of imagery that has to do with feeling watched and/or scrutinized, the very clear themes of isolation and feeling disconnected from people, themes of being excluded by others and being treated as a threat or generally something "wrong", there's a lot here to support this. One thing that especially jumps out to me is that one area where you can find a version of Madotsuki herself literally hiding in a closet

Also effects that change her appearance are very interesting here, especially ones like the "long hair" and "blonde hair" effects, as that seems like it shows Madotsuki having some level of dissatisfaction with her appearance, maybe that she's not living up to certain beauty standards, or that she isn't "feminine enough" in her usual presentation. Also the "fat" effect make me wonder about this, whether that be because she sees herself as too fat, and that effect is like the way she sees herself even if it's not the case, which would suggest some form of body dysmorphia and possibly even an eating disorder; or maybe on the other side, that she sees herself as too skinny, not curvy enough, thinks she's too small in general, etc. Effects like these seem to imply that Madotsuki has some pretty severe body image issues and doesn't like how she looks for one reason or another, and does very much read like a trans person being upset that they don't "look like" their true gender, or are generally dealing with dysphoria

The fact that Madotsuki also cannot actually talk to or otherwise meaningfully interact with anyone in her dream world also seems to show that Madotsuki feels very isolated and possibly unwelcome around others, or even that she's had a history of being excluded, pushed away, and ignored. Again, this reads like a trans person being perceived as "wrong" and being othered by the people around them, especially when they actually begin their transition. Even in her own mind, Madotsuki feels alone, unwanted, and excluded

Madotsuki is a heavily trans-coded character, and I think that all of what I've mentioned here shows that. I'm sure there's even more that you could read into even deeper, or other things I just forgot to mention that could support this even further, and I think that's just interesting. She's easily one of my favorite fictional characters ever, and a large reason for that is how she manages to have so much character, personality, and depth to her without there ever being a single line of dialogue, or any sort of conventional story or narrative structure at all

(Also thanks to @checkadii for inspiring this post with her response to a post I reblogged you're cool thanks for hyping me up lmao)

[kitsune-pop]

how do I talk about furry rights without people rolling their eyes and ignoring me? how do I bring up issues like online bullying and exclusion from communities without people calling me "one of the annoying ones?"

furries, in many ways represent transhumanism. now, I don't personally believe every single furry is a transhuman, or even give the concept much thought. however, the very existence of furries reflect the tenets of transhumanism. the idea to reject one's very species, to find comfort and camaraderie with others who share your feelings, to make changes to your everyday life in order to pursue that comfort. you can replace "furry" with "trans" and nothing would change

both furries and trans people have communities that overlap almost completely. I myself am a furry, and I have many fursonas. I am also a therian, otherkin, otherwise known as transhuman. I feel a level of discomfort not just in the perceived gender of my birth but in my human body. I very much wish I was a fox, and often fantasize about being one, or being turned into one in an entirely non sexual way. (if it was sexual, there still wouldn't be anything wrong with it because pursuing personal happiness can only be a good thing)

regardless, concepts like transhumanism have been a part of the furry community for as long as there was a furry community. some of the earliest records show in the summer of 1990 people online who identified more as elves than humans call themselves "elfkin," and as this new vocabulary spread, there were people who identified as animals, both fictional and factual, and they were initially labeled as "otherkin" by elfkin to differentiate from their specific community, and otherkin has more recently been described as "therian" in modern conversations. and we as a people can also acknowledge that the idea of humans turning into something nonhuman is a concept that has existed for as long as man has an understanding of the difference between man and beast. and even further, we know people who have sympathized with the nonhumans, or identified with their plight, in some way, shape or form. this is most often seen in queer communities

now, with this understanding of the idea of furries out of the way, is it any surprise that a huge amount of the trans community, as well as the lgbtqia+ community as a whole, also identify as furries? the modern interpretation of nonhumans existing as themselves happily? the idea that even though you are different, you are still loved and supported by like-minded individuals? is it such a surprise that so many of us had fursonas when we were younger? that as we matured and our understanding of our identities grew and became more complex over time we began questioning fundamental parts of our identities? I, for one, did it backwards. I transitioned, came out as a lesbian, and only then did I become a furry. and since I had all the hard parts of my identity out of the way, that meant I got to scrutinize my concept of what being a furry meant to me. and it allowed me to see the parallels between the trans community and the furry community

telling your family and being mocked. telling your friends and them treating you like an outsider. being outed by others in public spaces and facing public ridicule and shaming. feeling uncomfortable in your body. performing affirmative actions to alleviate the feeling of physical and mental discomfort. finding community online. talking to others and realizing you are not alone, you are not wrong, there are so many others like you. learning new ways to express yourself. still having a feeling of discomfort in how other people, outsiders to your community, will react if they find out what you are. relationships not working because of this part of your identity. only feeling comfortable in spaces exclusive to your community for fear of being gawked at and made unsafe. physical abuse directly because of how others interpret you as a threat, or something that needs to be "fixed." the words "trans" and "furry" are interchangeable here. and in many cases for furries, all of this is applied to them if they simply are furries and don't necessarily identify as therians or otherkin. then it can be seen as a direct one-for-one experience, unfortunate as it is

if more evidence is needed, think about how furries are treated online. the word "furry" itself is treated almost like a slur, calling someone a furry as a derogatory joke, or discrediting them because they are a furry. not to mention the proliferation of aggressive misinformation to further slander the furry community as a whole, such as them being sex crazed freaks, pedophiles and rapists (sound familiar?) the idea that there are "good" and "bad" members of the communities, ones you should listen to (the ones who are palatable, who keep it private, who aren't therian) and the ones you shouldn't listen to (the weirdos, the ones with weird pronouns, the ones who wear weird things out)

trans panic has gotten so ridiculous that there has even been an attack on the furry community by legislation. senate bill 3084 in Oklahoma banned the use of litter boxes in schools based on the rumors of furry children "demanding" this be allowed. this not only shows just how ludicrous the anti trans legislation that's been swallowing up the country has gotten, but how easily furries gets swept up with lgbtqia+ in cishet spaces. I would expect more sympathy for the furry community by the trans community at least, if not the larger lgbtqia+ community. and yet furries are still allowed to be made out to be jokes and insults.

now, I'm not saying that furries have been the target for systemic oppression in the same way the lgbtqia+ community has. but what I am trying to say is that we should step up and defend those who have been by our side every step of the way, cheering us on at parades and helping us figure out our identities. there are a lot of problems with how people both on and offline treat furries, and how it is just allowed to happen. because if you speak up against violence towards a community, you are labeled as "one of the bad ones"

[thebutchtheory]

on a note related to my last post talking about theory vs. the real life experiences of trans people, i disagree with the idea that talking about my experiences as a transmasc butch, my experiences with transphobia, anti-GNC rhetoric and misogyny, and how i am perceived by society as a woman who is not "womaning" the way society wants me to means that i am masculinizing transfems or feminizing myself to make myself look like a victim.

i agree that concepts of male and female socialization are bullshit and meaningless, and that transfems by and large do not have male privilege of any kind. at best they're seen as women, at worst they're seen as deranged predatory men to abuse and take privilege away from, and are degendered and dehumanized in every other context such that transfems as a class do not have any meaningful amounts of male privilege. any true male privilege a transfem has is erased the second she comes out and adopts the transfem/trans woman label and a target is placed where the privilege used to be.

that said, i as a transmasc butch am susceptible to experiencing misogyny and will be for as long as misogyny exists. i would experience it even if these weren't the case, but it is exacerbated by the fact that i will never pass and i don't want to. the transphobia that transmascs experience is not able to be meaningfully separated from misogyny.

whether they're telling us that we're victims of a cult, or they're sending us to mental hospitals, or they're beating and raping us for not being women, the experiences of transmascs cannot be separated form misogyny. they're either telling us that we're too stupid to know what we want, too hysterical to know what we want, or that we have to be shown by 'real' men what our place is to them, all because we are perceived as women who are stepping out of line.

that fact is not in conflict with the fact that the transphobia trans women experience is completely inseparable from misogyny. both of these things are true, because misogyny is what's at the heart of most, if not all, anti-queer movements.

it's bad for men to be feminine because being feminine is the worst thing a man can be because women are subordinate to men. it's bad for a (perceived) man to be a woman because a woman is the worst thing a man can be because women are subordinate to men. it's bad for a woman to be masculine because women should be subordinate to men. it's bad for a (perceived) woman to be a man because women should be subordinate to men.

conservatives and transphobes will change their concepts of the genders of any trans people they feel like to suit their narrative, but i think an interesting and relatively consistent worldview that conservatives and transphobes have about transgender people are that transmascs are often women who are stepping out of line and thus deserving of vicious and violent misogyny to punish them, and to warn other (perceived) women who are thinking of stepping out of line, while transfems are often seen as their own distinct class of woman, separate from the kind of woman they perceive transmascs as, a kind of woman who can exist specifically to be abused for not being 'woman enough', but there's no goalpost they could possibly reach to ever be 'woman enough'. not because they keep moving it, but because they're arguing for a goalpost that doesn't exist and they know it.

this isn't to say that transmascs can't experience male privilege, can't benefit from misogyny or punch down, but rather that the experiences of transmascs and the oppression they receive is much, much more complicated than "just" transphobia, but actually it's fine because male privilege, in the theoretical ways that a lot of people, many of whom aren't transmasc, like to talk about the transphobia a transmasc can experience on here.

you don't decide you're transmasc and suddenly pass as male or gain male privilege like magic. if you believe that dressing androgynously magically gives you male privilege, you are not hanging around transmascs and you have not listened to their experiences with transphobia. please pick up a book.

male privilege itself is a trap, but it's not a trap afforded to just anyone who claims to be male, and the often situational male privilege a transmasc has doesn't somehow magically cancel out the misogyny-based oppression or the plain misogyny that transmascs experience as a whole.

forgive the annoying comparison, but as a disabled person i feel comfortable making it: the ableism an invisibly/not as visibly disabled person experiences is not somehow canceled out when they benefit from ableism against a more visibly disabled person.

talking about the misogyny that a trans man experiences is not "feminizing" trans men or "masculinizing" trans women. talking about the misogyny a transmasc experiences is not saying that trans women do not experience misogyny. it's not transphobic to point out the root causes of the oppression that all trans people face, even when it manifests in very different ways.

but that's just my thoughts on the intersections of transphobia and misogyny that trans people experience. if you have a differing perspective, i'd love to discuss it with you.

[gideonisms]

Playing gender chess with myself like I think people shouldn't feel forced into a gender by the expectations of others but I think people of my assigned gender should have room to act exactly the way I act but I think society does affect the way we perceive our genders but I think we have to challenge societal rules but I think you probably can't base an identity solely on what you don't want but I think it can be hard to discover what you do want when constrained by the negative ways you have been treated because of your gender but I think having to pick one simple option is another societal constraint but I think there is a practical element to letting others know how you wish to be perceived and talked about. anyway none of that has helped me discover what a gender is and how to get one

[edonee]

You asked yesterday for someone to explain what trans people mean when we say we do or don't feel like a gender or sex. My comment is too long to put in the replies to I'm answering here instead. I don't really think this will change your mind at all, but this is the best way I can explain what it feels like to be trans masculine.

Seeing myself and having others see me as a girl was painful. I felt a deep sense of wrongness when people called me "she" and when people described me as a girl. It sometimes made me throw up, it made me cry, it made me dissociate. When I transitioned and people called me "he" or "they", I felt an overwhelming amount of joy. I felt like they were seeing who I was, I felt right. I felt this deep sense of wrongness in relation to my body as well - I couldn't stand seeing my breasts, I couldn't stand having a period, I hated the way my face was shaped. I also often felt uncomfortable when doing things or wearing things considered traditionally feminine, but I think that was because I hated that people used those to associate me with being a girl. Now, I often enjoy wearing clothing or activities that fit feminine gender roles. My point is, my dysphoria and my experience of gender is almost entirely based on how I feel most aligned with the gender designation of man, and not at all aligned with the gender designation of woman - rather than what aspects of those gender roles I wanted to participate in.

I don't think there's one simple explanation as to what it means to feel like a woman or a man or any form of gender that does not fit within the binary. I personally believe that we all have unique experiences of gender, and most people's match up with how they are perceived by society, but others make them feel dysphoric. I honestly agree with the idea of gender abolition - as long as we don't divide people by sex either. It would be great if we could all just exist as people without these arbitrary categories acting as defining characteristics of who we are.

I can't answer if, in that hypothetical society where we don't have genders, I would still experience the dysphoria I've felt about my body. I don't know - I'm sorry. I get that there are a lot of confusing things in play when it comes to gender and trans people, and I think it's great that people like you want to understand, and I get that it can seem suspicious when there are some things that we can't answer.

But I don't think that those areas where there's a lack of clarity need to push you away from supporting trans people. We are not claiming to be trans for some manipulative agenda, or just very swept up in internalized misogyny. Most of us are people who suffered a lot trying to exist as the gender that society ascribed to our sex, and now that we've found another way to exist, we feel freer. I feel like a man because I don't feel wrong when I exist as a man. I don't feel like a woman because I felt wrong when I existed as a woman. I don't see what in that is a threat.

Thank you if you bothered to read all of this! Have a lovely evening.

Hi ^^ good morning, I just read this and I'm going to try to make my point as linear as possible. I want to start off by giving you a definition of sex and gender (just so that there's no confusion over what I'm talking about) I've simply taken the definitions from The World Health Organisation as I find those exhausting and agreeable enough:

Sex is defined as the different biological and physiological characteristics of males and females, such as reproductive organs, chromosomes, hormones, etc

Gender is defined as the (of course variable based on place, culture, and historical period) socially constructed characteristics of women and men – such as norms, roles and relationships of and between groups of women and men.

I want to start by addressing what you said at the very beginning of your argument: you said that people perceiving you as a girl distressed you even to the point of physical sickness, whereas getting gendered as a man made you feel seen as your true self. First, I want to say that your "true self" can't be the social classification of characteristics attributed to either sex. Gender is, by definition, purely constructed, therefore any identification with either gender comes from a personal sympathization with its elements and not from an innate connection to a system that is man-made and cannot therefore borne any biological bond. Secondly, I don't want to make a diagnosis out of your experience, but that simply sounds like an extreme result of growing up as a female. With the way girls are treated in every society it's no wonder that the passage from childhood to girlhood is burdensome. When a male child grows up he becomes a person, whereas a female grows to be a woman. Very trivially, the reason why I used to identify as non-binary when I was around 13-14 was that I felt too complex to fit into something as shallow and one-dimensional as womanhood. Of course I'm not saying that's why you specifically feel this way, as there could very well be another reason personal to you that has shaped your mind and put you in a psychological condition where you feel alienated from your body. But even in that case, the argument of transgenderism still doesn't hold up. Gender is not biological, so of course anyone can identify themselves in and out of it as they please, but that doesn't change two things:

1) the structure of it remains the same

2) a female who identifies as a man is still female and vice versa

You also go on and say that your experience with gender comes from feeling aligned to the “gender designation of men – rather than what aspects of those gender roles (you) want to participate in„

I find this definition quite feeble, as the "gender designation of men" is exactly equivalent to the gender roles linked to it, and nothing more. Again, I can't help but get the idea that the motive of your discomfort with femaleness stems from an underlying uneasiness with the poor way women are treated in a misogynistic society rather than an abstract and impractical affinity with the male sex.

Now, toward the end of your argument you hypothesized a world where gender has been erased, leaving sex as the only undeniable distinction between people, and you said:

"I can't answer if, in that hypothetical

society where we don't have

genders, I would still experience the

dysphoria l've felt about my body"

And, although I don't know you personally, I'm quite confident that the answer would be no. Feeling discontent over your body is not innate, it's learned (subconsciously or otherwise) through socialization. If you feel envy towards the male body and hatred towards your female body it is not because there's something inherently wrong with it, but rather because you aspire to the male gender class. Without sex discrimination & gender existing in the first place, there would be nothing that would make you resent your female body.

However, we clearly don't live in a word free of gender, so does that mean that we should endorse transgenderism for the sake of those people who suffer from dysphoria? The answer is no. Dysphoria is a direct result of gender, therefore the solution is to question the very construct of gender, and not to go through medical procedures to change one's sexual characteristics in order to "be your true self". Just like anorexia can't be cured by starving, but only by deconstructing the underlying fixation with thinness and body image. Not to mention the idea that gender is actually real is harmful to feminism. It does not only solidify gender stereotypes, and promote the definition of certain behaviors as either masculine or feminine, it also strips words away of their meaning, making the fight for female liberation a nebulous movement that stands up for the rights of – who exactly? Females? Anyone who identifies as female? Men who say they are women?

I'm genuinely sorry that there are people who suffer to the point that they want to be the opposite sex, but I refuse to advocate for the idea that you can be born into the wrong body. Believing that your body is wrong is a fucking miserable way to live, and it's also simply not true.

Let me know if you want to ask me anything else, have a good day

[void-thegod]

I've experienced many forms of oppression.

Being treated differently by white folks.

Being treated differently by brown folks.

Being treated differently by men, by women, by queer people.

Being treated differently by abled and neurotypical folks.

I'm treated differently for being male.

That's not 100% my fault.

I'm treated differently for being a trans male.

That's not 100% my fault.

People will literally side eye me or not get into a relationship with me bc I'm trans.

We've all experienced that, if we were unfortunate.

I've heard cis and queer women of color talk Hella shit about cisgender men.

Real bad. Almost as bad as the shit I've heard from men about women.

These perceptions -- both of them -- affect how I'm perceived. By those I want to be friends or romantic partners with.

Stack on the fact I'm brown, neurodivergent af, and conventionally attractive.. I've had A TIME.

SO: Imagine how I feel ... this aspect of my oppression and experiences being denied by my own community?

By others, period?

People who would easily accept that I face all the other forms of oppression and fucked up experiences bc of something I can't help..

Denying that I experience fucked up stuff for being a man and a trans man, at that?

I am one of those trans guys that "always knew"

I grew up as a butch/stud lesbian. Basically as soon as I could say what I wanted to wear. So.. elementary school.

And I SAW.

I saw how everyone was treated differently. Based on skin color. Perceived attractiveness or intelligence. Based on body type. Based on sex and gender. Based on whether they were normal or not.

And I experienced all that shit.

Am still experiencing it.

What do I get?

What do I get for knowing myself and staring into the fucking Abyss?

Ignored. Hassled. Called a narcissist.

Because I've seen what I've seen and I'm speaking on it.

It's not right.

Trans men experience so much shit.

You don't see us. You don't hear us.

And when we disappear you don't give a fuck.

PS: if you read this far and still have the gall to say some stupid monkey shit to me I will just block you. I'm done.