HUGE GORE TW!!!!!!!
I feel the weight of my actions collapse on top of me. I feel my ribcage crack and the individual broken ribs digging into soft flesh, tearing tissue, filling my lungs with my own blood.
I feel the pressure of my guilt close around my head. I feel it squeeze slowly and tortuously, going from uncomfortable to agonizing steadily. I feel as my skull fractures and cracks, then breaks into separate pieces, cutting into my brain. I feel my eyes pop out from the pressure, now dangling from the nerve.
I feel the blood build up inside my stomach, overflowing and pushing it's way out of my esophagus with force. I taste the metallic copper of blood accompanied by the bitter, disgusting taste of stomach acid. I try to breathe but inhale my blood into my lungs, coughing violently, consequently making the blood in my lungs build up.
I dig my hand into my chest and wrap my fingers around my beating heart. I squeeze and pull, and with disgusting squelching sounds and blood splattering everywhere, I rip my heart separate from the aortas, and hold it in my hand in front of me. It's sickening.
I'm ugly from inside out, I'm ugly on my face, in my smile, on my hands, in my lungs, in my blood, in my soul, in all I am. I am ugly in every way possible.
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every passing day i find something new and fucked up about the world that rich people did and theres nothing i can do about it
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I just saw a limbless child basically hanging on a wall from Rafah, Palestine where the Isrealis are currently bombing this "safe space" (their words, not mine) so i mean.... fuck your superbowl?
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So, I’ve always had a lisp. I was in speech therapy for it, and I’ve been out of speech therapy for 6 years. It’s not really that noticeable, normally, but I got retainers today. And it’s back to where it was 6 or 7 years ago. I spent so much of my life trying to correct this lisp and now it’s back. I’ve been practicing all day to do the exercises I was taught and they do nothing. Like, my thing is talking, I act, I sing, and I make conversation. But, now I sound like a fucking child. Or a stereotypical nerd, take your pick. I just want to stop talking because of it. You don’t realize how many word have ‘s’ in them until you can’t pronounce them, and I have been intimately aware of that fact since I started school and noticed I couldn’t pronounce words correctly. My parents didn’t try to correct my lisp when I was younger because it was small to them, but my preschool teacher noticed that I would stop talking when I got frustrated with myself because I couldn’t talk like everyone else. That’s how I got into speech therapy, if she didn’t notice I’d be mute. And, by god, I’m so close to going mute. I know it’s dramatic, but could finally communicate easily with others and that’s been taken away from me. Barely anyone knew that talked like this, I’m only still friends with two people from that long ago. It’s humiliating.
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there is something so horrible about destroying churches, or any place of worship. im not even religious. it’s about the fact that people were so devoted, put so much effort into building and decorating and just experiencing this part of their life, that they hold so important. and all that effort is taken away by a fucking bomb
I find religion beautiful, and it’s harrowing to see these things happening in PaIestine and no one cares. suddenly now no one cares about religion or the importance of religious monuments
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🇵🇸 ZINE FOR PALESTINE GOING LIVE 🇵🇸
ZINE4PALESTINE.BIGCARTEL.COM
Z4P is a non-profit artistic initiative aimed at raising funds for Care For Gaza, an organization providing direct support to families of Palestine. The zine showcases exclusive creations from 10 French artists from diverse backgrounds, all contributing their talents to support Palestinian families.
with the participation of @heuffopla @towwypng @1bt1cem-blog and many others who don't use tumblr
Aware that many of you would like to contribute providing humanitarian aid in the face of the atrocities Palestinians are enduring, we've chosen to create art. This way, you can still be a part of it –essentially, you make a donation by purchasing, and in return, you receive cool art made with love while helping a great cause!
Individual prints of the artworks are also available on the website —reblogs and shares are deeply appreciated!
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so, watched ep 1 of the atla live action and uhm, imagine not wanting one of your main characters to depict sexism because you believe it doesn’t read well in Current Times, so instead you double down on the character’s obsession towards leadership in order to give him that extra edge. but in order to make that work u have to make his sister quietly obedient instead of an outspoken leading presence that has the potential to overshadow him. because silencing a female character in order to write out a male character’s story arc of unlearning sexism is obviously a better and less sexist outcome.
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the responses i’ve seen to shiv’s ending seem very quick to write her off as just another sad victim of the cycle, which isn’t without truth BUT!!! that is not even remotely the summation of shiv’s story.
i don’t think she votes yes to “save kendall” or to try to finally set her brothers free. and i don’t think her main concern was that ken was becoming their dad. she absolutely noticed and didn’t love it, but that was not her motivation in betraying him. she was thinking about herself.
it’s tempting to make a martyr out of her as she is the only female child and we see her suffer the onslaught of misogyny that comes with that. but to make her into a saintlike figure who got beat takes away the power and intelligence behind her decision.
at this point she’s stuck between two non ideal choices, but she recognizes that they have accidentally made her the single most important player in the game. because while she can’t have the outcome she’d prefer, she has the power to decide the fates of everyone else. the written off lone woman now holds in her hands the fate of every man in her life.
so she thinks about the long term benefits of both options and realizes that one side leaves her completely without any leverage.
her brothers have proven to her multiple times in the last few days alone that they will cut her out and walk all over her the first chance they get. siding with them leaves her nothing to bargain with. she would just have to hope that ken would actually take care of her. and that level of vulnerability is not only unacceptable to her, it’s stupid. and shiv fuckin roy is not stupid.
so she thinks about the other side and about what she actually wants for her life. and against her better judgment, it’s becomes unfortunately clear that she wants tom. the way she wants him is not altogether loving or even good but it is necessary to her. she sees relationships as having winners and losers and she chose this man specifically so that she could be confident in her ability to win. except now he’s grown some balls and made himself unavailable to her.
she may not like the way her husband is evolving but she already placed her bets on him, so she’s sure as hell not losing to him now. there’s also a part of her that feels intrigued by this new man she’s married to. it’s interesting to have a sparring partner in him instead of having to looking for excitement outside of their marriage.
so for maybe the first time ever, she processes what tom has said to her and thinks about what he actually wants.
he needs her to prove that she cares. he needs to know that she is capable of sacrifice. if she can’t find it within herself to do this for him, then she will lose him, and by extension, she will lose.
siding with tom gives her the opportunity to once and for all make a grand-stand gesture of love, but more importantly, it creates leverage for her. never again will he be able to hold the moral high ground over her head. never again can he say she doesn’t love him. never again can he call her selfish or uncaring. above all, he can never betray her again, because she just removed all of his moral justification for turning on her. he doesn’t realize it yet, but she’s just taken back all the power in their relationship. just in a more subtle way than she’s used to operating.
and just like that, she has the ceo of a multi billion dollar company in her pocket, while situating herself as the only descendant of logan roy to still be playing the game, having removed her brothers from the equation permanently. she may still be far from the top but she’s creating a path for herself to climb.
so yes, she’ll let tom play king for a day, and she’ll have his baby and say “congratulations,” and play the gracious wife, but tomorrow is a new day with lots of room to maneuver. and when her husband puts out his hand, she’ll place her own on top. but she won’t grasp it because she doesn’t need to.
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The thing I hate about being neurodivergent is that every single time I think I'm being appropriate, that I feel appreciated and welcomed, I end up getting talked to about "my bad attitude" when in my head I've just been open and talking about my work
I hate how I felt safe and appreciated when in reality I wasn't, not understanding social cues and feeling so powerless about it
It happens every single time.
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