#I genuinely had to think on this one for a while before I was able to answer

[sqgeism]

love mail — some small little headcanons of the dynamic between the reader x anaxagoras 😽 this is for the people who fw stuff like this (* ´ ▽ ` *) if ppl like this i'd love to do phainon and mydei,, and if u wanna know other stuff feel free to ask!! also hi airi if u see this were u srs ab the hsr tag im too shy to clarify ( *´・ω)/(；д； )

more often than not, i tend to portray anaxagoras and the reader as married. that is intentional as i feel like anaxa would struggle to be affectionate with someone who he isn't sure is his forever, so him being married to them gives him great comfort and lets him feel more open to genuine romance.

this is random and it has always depended how you all insert yourselves into the story... how anaxagoras and reader fell inlove, but i always stood firm on the idea that they were professors who fell in love with each other and their respective fields <3 so cute..

the nickname anaxagoras gives them, "dove", is based off the idea that those very birds can represent new beginnings. when he met them, he genuinely thought that he had been given a second chance in life. that in the short time he had left, he was able to see a new perspective on the world just through looking at it through the readers eyes, hence the nickname.

i think in one of my veeery first works of anaxa, he was pretty closed off but still made efforts to be there for his dove, which was a very big jump to suddenly being married! so i want to emphasize that it likely took about 3 years before anaxa would propose to reader. you can take the stuff i've written as their sort of build up but i wanna write a genuinely like.. establishing up to their marriage fic soon! + if anaxa knew just how much reader would mean to him, he would've proposed earlier. since he dies and allat Σ(´□｀ )

i do want to explore more into the more complex and 'darker' themes of a relationship with anaxagoras (this section is for you ri, ily <3) and i do think that before marriage, he was relatively distant but oddly possessive. didn't spend too much time around (chrysos heir things.. research.. all of that took time) and yet he'd get moody when he wouldn't see you during the day. he wasn't as sweet as he is now, either. he was as sharp as his aim—precise and knew where to hit. so arguments, though rare, were still intense to some degree. while you were just trying to communicate, anaxagoras saw it as some sort of debate, a battle of intelligence. he would need to be alone and clear his mind to realize his mistakes.. but be too proud to admit to them until a week or so later, where he musters up the courage to apologize.

thank goodness it wasn't for too long, 8 months of that back and fourth.. anaxagoras is convinced that any sane person would've packed their bags and gone home. however you stayed, despite his indifferent attitude to life. broke down walls he but with bloodied hands from the hardships thrown at him, and loved every ugly part of him before ever seeing the good. he always reminds you that he's eternally grateful that you were tenacious, and avowed that he couldn't ever forgive himself, had you rightfully turned your back on him and found someone else.

porcelain!dove was a really interesting concept that i want to bring back, since i feel like their development tg would be really sweet,, them being parallels of each other and learning how to go through the complexities of human emotions with each other

if i had to describe the way i write anaxagoras, i think of a man who loves his partner dearly—a yearner, even. but there will be more times where he slips up than when he doesn't, as the fact of the matter is; anaxagoras would struggle to be a good husband. he's undoubtedly good to dove, but he fails in romance and especially vulnerability. he's open for you to be vulnerable and will (try) to comfort you.. but never himself, he doesn't feel ready for it even with reader.

reader and anaxagoras live seperately. though you could say that they practically live with him since they're probably at his place more than his own home. i like to think there's an established need for personal spaces, but don't mind sharing in healthy hours. if you did ask to move in with him he wouldn't mind but would make you a seperate lab/office/area for your own work or interests.

anaxa prefers holding readers waist/hip because it lets him be closer rather than holding hands. will do it if you ask though, but that's his default when you two are side by side

the reason he urges you on having you call him anaxa because i hc he sometimes struggles to recognize your voice from other people, or just generally having a hard time to differentiate voices. so letting you call him something special makes sure he knows that whose calling him is important.

if you made a joke about the whole him being tied up in chains thing, he'd say he's not against it. you want to think he's joking but it's in a deadpan voice and you don't know how to feel.

© sqgeism or wtv (^_^;)

[farfromharry]

Rejection

Summary: Your head over heels for your friend Lando but he doesn’t feel the same way about you, will that ruin your friendship?

lando norris x reader

w/c 1147

━━━━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━━━━

Y/N had been in love with Lando Norris for years. He didn’t know it, she kept it pretty hidden, but she was truly head over heels. She was waiting for the day she might be able to confess her feelings, but she had no idea if she’d ever have the guts.

Lando was everything she wasn’t. He was confident, cool, and outgoing. Admittedly he intimidated her, but was equally intoxicating. She couldn’t get enough of him. However, every moment spent with him was another moment she wished he was hers.

She was in her own dreamworld. Y/N never could have anticipated that he wouldn’t feel the same way about her.

They were at a party when it happened, she didn’t even know what for this time around. It felt like there was always some sort of party happening when you were friends with Lando Norris.

Y/N couldn’t tell you who’s apartment it was, but it was nice, big. Whoever it was had money and no problem with strangers in their home. She found herself sticking to her friend’s side most of the night. It was mainly Lando, following him around while he chatted to people she’d never seen before, people he apparently knew. She just stood there and smiled, laughed when she was supposed to. He didn’t mind, he even tried to actively include her in conversation where he could. She appreciated it.

There was only so much forced smiling she could take before she decided she’d had enough. She needed some fresh air and a break from the booming music.

She placed her hand on Lando’s arm, smiling softly at him. This one was a genuine smile. Her joy was always real when she was with him. “I’m gonna go get some air,” she whispered. She didn’t want anyone to think she had disappeared without saying goodbye.

His eyes fell on her and she could have sworn she saw them sparkle. “Want me to come with?”

He looked happy. She didn’t want to pull him away from having fun. She would be fine on her own.

“No, it’s okay. I won’t be long.”

Y/N made a beeline for the balcony she’d spotted earlier in the night, feeling grateful when the cool night air met her flushed skin. Even being around Lando made her flustered. She needed to calm down before she saw him again.

Speak of the devil. He must have known she was thinking about him.

The door to the balcony opened and he laughed loudly as he made his way over to her. He wasn’t tipsy exactly, but he had a little buzz from the alcohol, much like herself. A few more drinks and he’d probably be gone though.

“It’s crazy in there.”

She hummed. “Nice out here. Quiet.”

He stood beside her, mirroring her position of arms on the railing as they looked at the stars. They were so close their arms were touching. She wouldn’t admit how much it made her heart race; even such a simple touch.

He smiled. “It is.” Then his head turned to look her way and he nudged her slightly. “The company’s not bad either.”

She hadn’t meant to kiss him, it had just kind of happened. He had looked so handsome in the light and she had thought they were having a really sweet moment. She could never have anticipated how a simple mistake would ruin so much. If she had she wouldn’t have done it. Y/N thought it would be like in the movies. The two friends who had been secretly in love with one another the whole time, kissed and finally admitted their feelings. Movies like those always had a fairytale ending and she thought she was going to get one of her own.

Lando didn’t kiss her back. In fact, he gently pushed her away, grimacing for her to see. Her heart sank, deep into a pit in her stomach. She knew she’d fucked up. “Oh god.”

He felt like a monster. “No.” Y/N was an angel, one of the greatest people in his life. There was nothing wrong with her. She was kind, beautiful and he could only imagine that she would devote herself to him. But he just didn’t feel that way about her. Maybe he was broken. This was going to make her spiral. “Y/N, I’m sorry.”

Her eyes were already watering and her heart was aching. She couldn’t even look at him. Never in her life had she felt like such an idiot. “I’m sorry,” she muttered. Her bottom lip trembled and she quickly got to her feet. She couldn’t stay here, not when she knew he would be pitying her all night.

Carefully, he grabbed her wrist, hoping to stop her from leaving. “Y/N, please. Let me explain.” He would get on his knees and beg if he had to.

This was exactly why she had kept her feelings bottled up for so long. She had a gut feeling that he didn’t feel the same and it had been a lapse in judgement that led to her making a move. She regretted everything. She had lost it all. She looked like a kicked puppy standing there in front of him, her heart slowly breaking. How could he have been so cruel?

She looked… desperate, for something he couldn’t give her. Desperate for his approval, desperate for him to say this was a misunderstanding, desperate for him to love her.

“It has nothing to do with you. You’re amazing— perfect even.” The compliments were just to soften the blow, she could hear the but coming from a mile away. “But, I don’t feel that way about you. I do love you, but as my friend. I’m sorry.”

Whatever was left of her heart shattered. It was the pity that killed her in the end. She could see him drowning in it and she didn’t know that she could take it. Before he could even speak a word, she was tugging her arm out of his grasp and running out of the room. The humiliation was eating her alive.

This time he watched her go, knowing he had just contributed to fucking up one of the best friendships he had ever had.

It took a few minutes for his brain to catch up to what had just happened. He followed the path she’d taken, heading back into the party and trying to spot her face in the crowd. He wasn’t having much luck with it.

Max found him first, grabbing his arm and stopping him from going anywhere. “I just saw Y/N leave in tears. What the hell happened?”

He sighed. He was stone cold sober now. This was quickly turning into the worst night of his life. “Oh mate, I fucked up.” What the hell was he supposed to do?

━━━━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━━━━

[nicolesainz]

It's ok, I'm ok! (LN4)

Lando Norris x f!reader

Author's note: Tate McRae slowed versions of her songs are perfect for fanfic writing!

Summary: Sky Sports has hired a new and upcoming reporter, filling in for races that the big names will be absent. You seem to get the best out of the drivers, especially Lando Norris who has the most crooked PR image lately. Even if he behaves in front of the camera, it doesn't mean the cracks won't stop growing.

Warning: 18+, minors dni! smut, explicit content!

"TV pen, who is on the list this time?" I ask Natalie while I am trying to set up the microphone and my headset.

"Uh, Lance, uh, George and oh, Mr. Loverboy Norris." she playfully nudges me while reading out the names.

"Lando? Again? I have had to interview him for the past 4 races."

"You are the only one who can get full sentences out of him. He started off the season with 3-4 words per answer but now, things have improved."

"Please Natalie, tell him to maybe be a more decent. He keeps eyeing me up and down and I can barely make out the words I have written in my cards."

Lando is very charming, sweet and a bit annoying. Whenever we cut the cameras and there aren't many people around, he always tries to flirt with me. Compliments my looks, my manners and how I constantly blush whenever he shows up at the panel.

"Oh come on, that's the way he has always been since he started. He seems to be very fond of you, in comparison to the rest of us. Play along with his tricks."

It is true, Lando has had the playboy persona following him for quite some time and he truly is owning up to it without a care in the world. A playboy in the sense of being charismatic and innocently hitting on others, not the whole 'being with a different girl every race week'.

"Why hello beautiful ladies! Long time no see." His voice sends chills down my spine as it echoes in my ears sweetly. Both Natalie and I turn to face him with two huge grins formed on.

"You two look suspicious. What have you done? Are you not happy to see me, y/n?" Lando frowns the moment he ends his sentence and my heart instantly twitches. How can anyone not be happy to see Lando or be around him?

"Course not Lan. Simply was telling Natalie a few issues I had. Nothing important." I gather up my words and put out a fake cough to prepare for the start of the interview.

"Who hurt you? I will deal with them. Nobody messes with my favourite girl." Lando gets all tensed up, thinking I was being serious.

"Scratch that, he is obsessed with you and simply we all else don't exist. Good luck." Natalie whispers in my ear as she softly pats my back before leaving.

"It's ok Lando. I am okay. So, shall we start?" I look up to be met with his dazzling green eyes who hide nothing inside them, but genuine worry about my hypothetical problem.

Thankfully the interview rolls out very smoothly. No shocking statements, everything in words that the media won't be able to twist and simple happiness, which was something Lando hadn't been able to express in recent interviews.

"Say now, who is this person you have a few issues with? Can I help anyhow?" Lando asks for the third time today, since for the whole ride back to the hotel I was trying to avoid giving him an answer. I really don't wanna say anything to offend him.

"Really, everything is fine. You don't have to worry about me."

"You know I don't have the best of relationships with media people, but ever since you came around, I feel more relaxed and comfortable around the TV Pen. Please let me make your experience even more enjoyable."

Lando twisted the knife around my heart even tighter. It's not like his flirting makes me uncomfortable. I want to keep things professional but he makes it so difficult for me to resist him. I really don't want to neither make a fool of myself in front of him, if this turns out to be innocent flirting, nor have any issues with my co-workers at Sky and my employers.

"I will stay outside your room all night if you don't tell me what's going on."

"You're as stubborn off track, as you are on track as well?"

"You could test that if you want, darling."

My stomach dropped the moment he uttered those words.

"You clearly have been testing me all this time in other ways."

"How? I don't understand." Lando looked at me with a severely confused manner.

"Am I the only reporter you have been flirting with?"

"Where do you want me to swear?"

"A simple yes or no will do."

He sighed and took a step back to give me space to breathe. He seemed defeated and a bit hurt with my accusation.

"You are the only person I am feeling comfortable with, besides a few drivers. I see you more often than my own family. You never shame me in public, no matter a good or bad performance. Always try to defend my image after a few slips this season. Do you seriously believe that I would focus my attention on anyone else besides you? You are wonderful, y/n. I am sorry if I led you to believe the opposite."

I was left speechless. Maybe Natalie's words after all were true. Lando does feel more comfortable around me than many others in the paddock. I could feel my cheeks reddening and a wave of guilt washing me over.

"Lando, I am so sorry. I just didn't want our relationship to be ruined if all this was a simple innocent flirt. I didn't want it to get into my head and influence me negatively towards you."

"Trust me, this was more than simple flirting. I can keep evolving it if you allow me to."

"But now that I have told you my 'issue' you wont stay outside my room."

"Again, I hope you allow me to show you what I really feel. Which kind of requires you letting me inside your room."

Bells inside my brain were manically ringing to grand him access and test the water of what this could turn into. As if my attraction towards Lando wasn't already obvious, the last thing I needed was to reject his offer.

I take the card key outside of my back pocket and open the door, but before I could invite Lando in, his hand had been tangled around my waist and his lips crash into mine, sucking all the air from my lungs. With a swift move he picks me up and twirls me all the way to the king sized bed.

My fingers slip under his shirt, removing it in a matter of seconds and finally being met with his tanned chest and beautiful silver cross necklace. With no alert, I feel my bralette loosening up and being thrown on the floor.

"Fucking stunning." Lando murmurs before he traces my nipples with his index finger, earning a soft moan from me. I am so easily aroused by his actions that even the slightest movement can drive me crazy.

Above the bedpost, there is a beautiful painting of a couple, in which the man is kissing and admiring his lady's womanhood. Lando takes a quick look at it, with a huge grin being shaped on his lips.

"Let me get a taste of you baby." Both his arms grasp my thighs and place them around his neck, with Lando winking at me and in a few moments, placing his mouth on top my coursing wet world. Kissing, sucking and endless licking caused my knuckles to harden from the constant pulling of the sheets.

"Fuck me." I blurt out senselessly as Lando's tongue flicks up my soft spot and I harshly pull on his curls.

"Literally any time of the day." he responds as I feel his manhood closing up all the space inside me. Warmth fills my heart and brain and I am starting to feel delirious.

His middle finger is playing with my clit, while he is thrusting inside me tirelessly, slowly clenching around him, tracing the veins around his cock.

"A monaco race winner has never felt so good" I mutter in between my teeth.

"Thousand times better being with you than on top of the podium" he moans getting closer on edge.

[koenigami]

tags : slight angst to fluff, caleb's grave, he's alive i promise, mentions of grief wc : 848

Caleb has visited his own grave more often than you'd think. But only just so he could check whether you'd visit it yourself. He knows it was sick. Standing a few feet away, hiding in the shadows while this poisonous satisfaction filled his chest with a barely palpable warmth.

The first time, just a few days after his "death", it nearly broke his heart into pieces. Seeing you fall to your knees, and muffle your pain ridden sobs into your palms. How desperately he wanted to run over to you, embrace you, hold you, and caress your hair while telling you that he's right there. That you were not alone. But he couldn't. All he could do was swallow this growing lump in his throat, and retreat to the car where Liam was waiting for him.

That same grave makes his stomach churn right now. Not because of the fact that he narrowly escaped the fate of lying right there six feet beneath that tomb. No. That prospect has never scared him.

But rather because, in the heat of the moment after one of your first grave fights since he came back, the first place of comfort you instinctively sought out was this one.

Neither of you say a word as he slowly approaches your crouched form from behind. It must have been a while since someone visited the grave considering the withered flowers adorning it. Most of his old friends and colleagues must have moved on with their lives. He's now just another small fragment of their memory.

"You know." Your voice is steady while you stare ahead at the picture of him on the tomb. A bright genuine smile. You had taken it after one of the DAA's flight shows. DAA's golden boy. Your golden boy. "Coming here used to give me strength. I believed that no matter where you were, you were still with me. Watching over me. Maybe even laughing at me and judging some of my life choices."

You say the last sentence with a bitter laugh. One that makes Caleb nearly double over, and want to atone for all of his actions that have cause you sorrow.

"And now?" His voice nearly cracks. Does the memory of his old brighter self give you so much more sense of comfort than the real him does, despite being right there in flesh and blood?

"And now-" You pause once you hear his knees crack as he sits down cross legged beside you. A cold breeze sweeps by, although it does nothing to either of you. Instead you move closer, almost as if you were huddling for warmth. "Now you're here yet it feels as if you were even further away from me, Caleb."

The pregnant pause while he mulls over your words brings you a brief moment of peace. Because despite all the circumstances, he's right there beside you and you'd go through hell and back just so it could stay like this forever.

"I'm sorry. I-I just wanted to... I didn't mean to-" You hear him whisper as he lowers his head in what seems to be shame. The chain around his neck clinks as he nervously plays with the dog tag in his hand, his thumb rubbing over its surface over and over again. His own little tick that he'd developed over time the longer he was away from you. Yet the pendant's cold surface could never compare to the gentle warmth of your skin.

"I will try to be better. I promise."

He doesn't know how. He doesn't know to what degree, and at what speed. All he knows is that he will do it like the many things that he'd achieved before. For you. Everything just for you. But the unwavering determination is what makes you believe him instantly. No matter how many lies he feeds you with, or how many secrets he tries to hide from you, you won't always act on them but you surely will be able to detect them. The same way you also recognise his sincerity.

"I know, Caleb." Your temple finds his shoulder as you lean on him, like you've done countless times before. Letting your hand slide from your lap into his, you press your palm against his and smile when he tightens his hold on it. Your thumb moves over the back of his hand back and forth, and for once you both feel a sense of calmness wash over you.

Together, you watch a few more visitors come and go as the sun slowly but surely sets, tinting the sky in a soft orange.

"Are you cold?" He asks, his voice ridden with fatigue. Soon he will have to go back to Skyhaven while you will stay here in Linkon. Physically separated, while your hearts have yet again gotten closer. Step by step, you think to yourself.

"Mm, no. Not anymore." You sigh and hum when you feel his lips brush against the crown of your head.

After that day, none of you two visits his grave ever again.

[lettuceplus1]

Just be a femboy bruh not that hard

at first i was just going to ignore this because it's a blatantly invalidating statement, but i figured i could respond in hopes that i can enlighten someone on the subject. i was a femboy. that's where it starts for a lot of us trans girls - just being a feminine guy - and i really connected with the concept because i never really felt wrong living as a guy. my whole life i was never in touch with masculinity as a concept, but was perfectly fine with who i was as a guy as i started to express myself intentionally more fem. however, as time went on i learned a lot of things about myself. i learned that, even if i didn't mind being a guy, i managed to find some excitement in the times where i was referred to as a girl, whether it was unintentionally (wearing a mask during covid made me come across as a girl a lot) or even as a joke (i was dubbed the "mom" friend of my group as a guy). despite the lack of gender dysphoria i felt, i managed to experience gender euphoria instead, and as terrifying as it was to think i could be trans, i didn't want to suppress how i felt and decided to explore it more. it's been only about a year now since i've been able to fully say that i am trans. before that, it was years of questioning, thoughts lingering and not being sure what anything means. by all means, i was hesitant to call myself a girl. i wanted anything but to be trans. it genuinely feels like a horrible to say, but if it truly were a choice, then i would go back to being cis and make my life a million times less scary and difficult than it is. but one thing i cannot do is be dishonest with myself. ever since i worked up to courage to accept the label and dive into new waters, things have continued to change. and they will for as long as i live, because change is just human nature. i've slowly but surely dropped the remaining male/masculine parts of my identity, and have even had the misfortune of developing dysphoria about certain parts of myself along the way (believe it or not, the dreams from my comic have played quite a big part in that). but it's come with a sense of certainty, finally feeling confident in knowing who i am and what i want to be. all the years spent awkwardly living as a guy have turned into moments where i can be confident as a girl. there are things about myself i've always felt gross about, despite them being natural parts of who i was as a guy, and it's only now i'm realizing that a lot of them have to do with just. being a guy. so while i can't choose who i am inherently, i am making the choice to embrace it. there are plenty of femboys out there who have confidence in their identity as a boy, and i have nothing but respect for them. there are also plenty of femboys out there who will come to find that maybe there's more to the feeling than just the clothes, hair, or smooth skin. everyone has their own journey and i'm only here to tell you about mine. but regardless of how much easier it was to be cis, i've grown and learned that i'm not. i hope this helps you understand <3

[ladyloveandjustice]

I am getting extremely nostalgic and would like to collect all my favorite Steph and Cass friendship moments in a post.

I mean why not, that way I can look at them whenever I get nostalgic again.

This is pretty much the moment they became bffs. They'd been hanging out before then and having fun, but it's such a good moment. Cass was expecting that this was when Stephanie would throw in the towel. She knew this experience would be humiliating for Steph, maybe even scary, and just sort of depressing and short lived for Cass and it would lead to Steph not wanting to hang out anymore.

What Cass didn't realize is Stephanie Brown doesn't EVER give up. She literally vomits from fighting so hard and is like "cool let's do this again". She's outclassed, whatever, big deal, isn't she always. It doesn't intimidate her or get her down for a second. Cass realized she can be herself around Stephanie, and Stephanie would never be scared.

This page will always stick with me because it really is like that sometimes. Sometimes you need to laugh about this shit.

Cass was used to people reacting to what she'd been through with pity, discomfort, fear...but Steph just treats her exactly the same. She's not uncomfortable at all. They help each other laugh about the shitty things that have happened to them. This is definitely the first time Cass was able to laugh about her trauma, and it must have been so cathartic for both of them. Steph was seriously down about her Dad but now she's bonding with her friend.

Going back a little earlier just to say Cass is such a little shit and I love her. And she's able to fully unleash this side of herself around Stephanie.

Even before they bonded, Steph REALLY looked up to Cass, like she thought she was so cool and talented. And hallucinated her to motivate herself (it was more like a metaphor) which is very funny foreshadowing to Cass' future of hallucinating her.

(She's so sad that Cass doesn't talk to her :( it's ok you'll convert her)

(She's so sad that Cass doesn't talk to her :( it's ok you'll convert her)

She also just. really wants Cass to tell her she's good at superheroing. That she did a good job.

What's kind of tragic is Cass had trouble believing with Steph and telling her she did well when it came to her abilities, and we never got to see that fully resolved. It's something I would have loved to see explored more, if they hadn't exiled Cass after Steph became Batgirl and then fuckin' erased them both from continuity for a long while, but I'll get to that later.

BUT:

Cass is so clearly annoyed at Bruce here it's incredible, she doesnt get annoyed with him that often, especially compared to other members of the batfamily, but she really is like "fuck off Dad that's my bff" here.

Also "you have become...friendly" sounds like Bruce is implying something and having a homophobia moment but I think he actually just genuinely doesn't understand the concept of friends in this era of his characterization.

The last bit is the one of the most suggestive Steph Cass panels of all time. I fully understand why it launched a ship even if as I've said it's (surprisingly given my usual ever present lesbian/yuri goggles) (yuri goggles just sounds better ok) not something that matters to me! I just want them to live together and go on adventures forever I don't care about the rest. But I appreciate this panel still. Like wow Steph.

So Cass defies Batman's orders!!! And this issue is just so cute. First of all, Steph finally wins at rooftop tag using Cass's compassion against her.

Cass is having such a good time too. Never has a girl been so happy to be tackle kicked.

Steph being like "hell yeah I fucked first" is so funny of her. But another point where they're just able to be there for each other and comfort each other about their dads. And I will never forgive this era's version of Bruce for firing her shortly after her dad died, not replying when Steph asked if he didn't trust her because of her dad, and even rubbing his death in her fucking face saying "sorry about your dad" right after he fired her" fuck offfff

But friendship isn't about no drama. When Steph panics and get in trouble in her attempt to save Cass (like honestly she was distracted by being happy you were alive Cass!) Cass decides she agrees with Bruce. This makes sense from Cass' side of things, she has a VERY strict and high standard for competence and Steph is just so far from her in terms of skill and temperament I think she doesn't really get that 'made a mistake' doesn't equal 'helpless and hopeless and can't get better".

She's always been a prodigy, and surrounded by prodigies, so dealing with someone who does have to struggle so much isn't something she's used to. And she's always very honest and blunt about her feelings. Above all, she is genuinely worried for Steph. She doesn't want her to get hurt.

And Steph is of course heartbroken that even her best friend agrees. That someone she looks up to so much and whose support means so much to her doesn't believe in her as a superhero. She really lashes out here, Cass hurt her so she says what she know will hurt her back, denying that Bruce is Cass's dad. She knows how much this hurts because she knows Cass wishes she had a "good" dad much like she herself does.

I don't think Steph ever exactly wanted a father figure from Bruce is a simplistic sort of sense, and she was all too willing to not listen and to tell him to fuck off when he told her she wasn't good enough...but some part of her was very desperate for his approval deep down, because Batman was her hero when she was little, the one who put her dad in jail so he couldn't ruin her and her Mom's lives anymore. Getting Batman's approval, support, even affection means proof she's not like her dad, the ultimate victory over him.

But she is very aware Cass thinks of Bruce that way, and she also knows the desperation she feels for his pride and support because she feels it too. So she tries to make Cass feel as bad as Cass made her feel.

The next time they reunite after this is when Steph's Robin, and both basically forgive each other without discussing their fight, because Steph is finally starting to get that approval she craves, and Cass is so happy to see her get it.

Also, Steph saves Cass here, showing how far she's come as a hero!

Steph's so happy :( and once again implying Batman's seal of approval is something she craves because it proves to her she's not like her Dad. And importantly, Cass is super happy for her too. Look at that smile.

They make a good team who can cover for each other's weaknesses in this issue. Cass doesn't know how to calm down a scared little girl and is overwhelmed, but Stephanie calms her down.

And when Steph loses her temper, Cass is able to bring her out of it.

WE COULD HAVE HAD MORE OF THIS. WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL.

And then we get this heartbreaking moment:

Steph is SO protective of kids and so clearly doesn't want anyone to go through she did. My girl.

BUT WAIT. WE HAVE ANOTHER BATGIRL ROBIN TEAMUP. This one is less well known, it was written after Steph's death, it was from Solo #10 by Damion Scott.

Steph is meeting up with Cass for a training session when she's targeted by a shooter. Cass shows up to rescue her, but then she ends up needing rescuing herself.

WWBD? Like Cass is so obviously the hero Steph admires the most, probably more than Batman, which is so valid of her. It makes sense, like what do Bruce and Tim matter when you've got Cass.

(There's a misprint in the fouth panel where what is clearly meant to be Cass' speech bubble (the second one) comes from Steph instead)

Anyway. unlike last time this happened, Steph actually manages to save Cass! AND she gets much needed validation from her! Cass finally pretty much tells her she did a good job! But Cass also nails something about her--when it comes down to the wire and she's rescuing someone else, Steph tends to get the job done. It's the self preservation part she's less focused on/prone to forgetting, and that's the balance she needs.

But alas. DC decides to throw all of that good Stephrobin material they could have made aside, and we unfortunately get to the part where she gets fired as Robin and then is cruelly and brutally killed off.

When Steph gets fired this time, we don't really get to know how Cass feels about it. Steph runs away before she can respond to the news and Cass is just...sad.

But she is SUPER worried about Steph all through the shitty War Games stuff, like she knows in her bones something's wrong and Steph's in trouble. She's the only one who really searches for her, but when she finds her...

I hate most things to do with War Games, but this part is genuinely heartbreaking and you can see that Horrocks cared a lot about their relationship. And Cass searches for Steph even MORE frantically after this, showing her picture around, every other word out of her in these issues is "where's Steph".

After Steph died, DC seemed to want to mention her as little as possible. Tim was currently grieving ten million other people too, , so we didn't get much insight into what he felt about it at all. But in Batgirl, Cass was an exception, and her grief over Steph was explored consistently

It hurts my heart. And then of course, we have ghost Stephanie saving Cass.

Once they revealed Steph wasn't dead, most fans have decided it means this was a hallucination, but my headcanon was always that Steph was still in a coma when all this happened, on the boundary between life and death, and she really did astral project over to save Cass. What. That doesn't even make the top five weirdest things that have happened to Cass.

(Steph also like, victim-blames herself in this appearance, which I don't think Cass's subconscious would have her do, but is in character for Steph to do, sadly.)

Cass being one of the people Steph looks up to again, even saying she taught her to fight, ugh.

And then later on when Cass is hesitant about talking to Babs after their big fight, she imagines what Steph would say to motivate herself:

Makes me sick. And she'll get SO upset if anyone even mentions Steph.

And then we get to Steph's final ghost appearance in the last two issues of Cass' series.

This page reprogrammed my brain, honestly. My obsession with women carrying women may have started here.

And here's possibly the most heartbreaking Cass panel of all time, and such a good summary of her character and her endless compassion.

Steph understands Cass on such a deep level I can't stand it.

...and unfortunately that's pretty much the end of their significant preboot interactions. Steph's death is revealed to be fake and she comes back to Gotham... but we never see Steph and Cass'reunion and Cass' reaction to Steph not being dead. The only interaction we got was when Cass gave Steph the Batgirl mantle--they did have a cute little teamup, but then we had to deal with the clusterfuck of how OOC it was for Cass to claim she 'fought for [Bruce]" before walking away when she's literally stated the exact opposite.

(It was later contradicted by her activities as Black Bat, and it was revealed that Bruce asked Cass to do this and maybe she was just uh, saying stuff, but that's also OOC because what fucking say does Bruce have over Batgirl. BQM did actually tell me back in the day (I think it was a reddit question thing??? idk, I remember this clearly though) that Cass wouldn't have done it if she didn't agree and I chose to headcanon it was partly Cass' idea because of various other reasons in addition to compassion for Steph (maybe feeling she needed to let go of it after the brainwashing and all that, maybe just feeling she'd like another Bat-related identity) but. okay I'm rambling now)

There's also convergence but considering Cass was so ooc she sincerely threatened to eat Stephanie's hamster (I'm not kidding), it's hard to count that.

But you know. They have gotten to hang out a lot post reboot at least (and even lived together) and now all this history is canon again. So to end this on a less depressing note, and since I've reached tumblr's image limit, here's a cute interaction from Batman Urban Legends #5 and a cute little storyline with them from Wayne Family Adventures.

I didn't get to post all the images I wanted for some parts (mainly the Solo issue), so I might do some seperate posts I'll link here later. But yes, here is my Steph and Cass history to nostalgically look back on.

[taxideermied]

Before I knew I was chronically ill, I “wrote off” a lot of my symptoms and issues as a side effect of my nonhumanity, particularly my deer-ness since that part of myself has been around for as long as I can remember. I still took the issues seriously, or as seriously as I could at that age, and my being a deer was really a comforting shorthand for why I felt the way I did. Debilitating social anxiety? Deer brain in human society. Heart palpitations? General body dysfunction? Well I’m a deer that’s been crammed into a human-shaped body. Of course things are going to go wrong.

I think there’s a belief that because I later went to doctors and got proper diagnoses for these issues, I should have to acknowledge that my disabilities came from a scientifically verifiable source and that I should refer to them by their diagnostic markers. There’s concern, even, that in having held to my beliefs or in continuing to hold to them, I am potentially making my problems worse.

I know that this concern comes from a genuinely decent place, but I can’t help but feel as though it is deeply uninformed about the treatment one receives in medical spaces as soon as you’re chronically ill or fall under a more stigmatized diagnosis. If all you’ve experienced is “normative” doctors visits, the above perspective makes sense, but it quickly falls apart when you’ve lived anything else.

Compare the treatment I received for my generalized anxiety disorder to the Herculean task it was to even receive a diagnosis for my physical ailments:

For the former, I was given a diagnosis promptly, treated with very little—if any—stigma throughout the process and received medication as soon as I said I wanted to try it. When I had a negative reaction, I switched to a different SSRI with no issue, and then, years later, when I decided to try and taper off of my meds just to see if I could function to a level I was happy with without them, I received no push back. I even told my therapist I was getting off of them for “no particular reason” and no one batted an eye.

For my physical issues, I went years without anyone even taking my symptoms seriously. I had chronic heart palpitations, but because none ever showed up during the testing windows, I was told it was anxiety and that I should stop drinking caffeine. After I ended up in the ER, I was given a tentative diagnosis that took another year or more to officialize because of the complete lack of specialists. When my specialist moved, I had to find another one in a different state and go through the (literally painfully) rigorous process of being diagnosed again because the new doctors, for whatever reason, didn’t trust anyone but themselves to verify my conditions.

But now I have a diagnosis, there will be medications, a treatment plan, a verifiable cause for my symptoms, yes? Well, lol. Lmao. There were options, but I was dismissed and treated with suspicion when they didn’t work for me, or often times made me worse. And when the doctor’s short list of ideas ran out, I was basically given a shrug and told to get out, all while being chastised for utilizing things like mobility aids that actually made my life livable.

Never once was I offered an explanation or cause that had any more substantial grounding or had more of an impact on my life and treatment plan than “was supposed to be a deer.”

And even if that wasn’t true, even if any sort of divergence from the medically acceptable narrative was a “problem,” would I not still have the right to do it?

It’s not uncommon for those who do not experience any kind of disability to believe that the life of a disabled person should be spent infinitely in the pursuit of health. Any action taken that falters from this pursuit becomes both moral failing and incomprehensible to someone who is able bodied. If you were disabled, wouldn’t you do anything to get better?

This belief, of course, hinges on very particular ideas about “health” and “better.” Some of the treatments I was prescribed hurt me. They made my life more difficult. Is that “healthy”? Is that “better”? Is living your life without ever making an “unhealthy” choice really living?

The fact is that you are not on the side of disabled people if your advocacy turns to (patronizing) condemnation as soon as we do something you don’t like or that makes you uncomfortable. Could identifying so deeply as nonhuman make things “worse” for me? Sure, maybe. Maybe even it did at one point. But it should still be up to me. I should still be allowed the dignity of risk, and I certainly shouldn’t be told by strangers that what I’m doing isn’t good for me.

My autonomy doesn’t end where my disability begins and it never will.

[thatssofruity9]

johnny's best friend

Cw: implied but nondescriptive sex scene, mild misunderstanding. Authors Note: I spent a very unreasonable amount of time on this. F!reader X John price

John didn’t mean for it to happen, at least not like this.

Every deployment there is at least one story where Soap mentions her, his lifelong best friend from back home, The quick witted, smart mouthed woman he keeps so close. Everyone by this point had gotten used to this character in every tale from his high school days or childhood memories. She always sounded so funny, clever, clearly able to keep MacTavish on his toes. But it was just that, stories until it wasn’t. 

_______________

John was sitting alone drinking his tea, trying to get a few moments of quiet in the morning before the usual chaos of the day unfolded. Johnny sat next to him, typically chatty like a bird, he was calmer in the early hours of the morning.

“Mornin’ Sergeant” John grunted, not cold, not friendly, just John. The team was good enough mates at this point to understand the difference between John’s usual gruffness and genuine irritation.

“Aye, morning sir.” Soap says leaning his back against the chair, letting his shoulders relax before the day truly began. A beat of silence before he spoke again.

“Lass is comin up this weekend to see mine and Simon’s new house” he informed, John was a smart man, that was an invitation. In truth John had little interest in meeting the sergeant’s little friends, he didn’t think he could handle yet another 20 something year old kid making internet references he didn’t understand.

“Yeah?” John asks, trying to sound at least somewhat interested before he turns down the coming invitation flatly in favor of sitting in his armchair and watching the Telly over the weekend.

“Yeah, we’re going to cook, drink, Kyle’s comin'.” Soap added, Johnny had this special way of making everyone do exactly what he wanted at any given moment with just the right words. His best mates and alcohol? Well you can’t really turn that down even if you kind of want to.

John let out a defeated sigh

“What time?” 

________________

The days that followed were no different than any other day on base, John thought about his job, important and vital. He thought about his hobbies fishing and whisky collecting. And he thought about his desire to get out of going to the Riley/MacTavish house this weekend, he could just not go but then he’d have to endure Soap’s guilt tripping and Simon’s cold glares for bumming out his boyfriend, god they were easier to deal with separately than together. 

Nevertheless, John showed up Friday evening. He walked into the white house, case of beer in hand. His entrance was followed by a string of “hey captain” from Gaz, a “price!” From Soap who’s no doubt already been drinking and a grunt from Ghost. 

“Yeah, yeah.” John waved off the group while heading to the kitchen to set down the case of alcohol when he saw her. He looked up as she entered from the hallway, dear god. 

“Cap, this is the lil shit herself.” Soap announced, she smiled, pretty smile. Fuck.

“Nice to meet you.” The captain smiled at the woman, young, beautiful. The kind of pretty that knocks the wind out of you and leaves you wondering if maybe one kid wouldn’t hurt.

“Yeah, you too.” She smiled again, sat next to Johnny and he was left wondering how the actual hell soap somehow managed to convince that beautiful creature to not only be but to stay friends with him for so many years. 

Truly it wasn’t but half an hour before John had his answer to that burning question. 

“Lass, get daddy another beer.” 

“Ewww Johnathan! Go fuck yerself!” 

Giggling erupted from both of them, she’s him but if he were gorgeous and interesting. John sat with Gaz on the couch, drinking, while Simon cooked in the kitchen and Johnny annoyed the woman he seemed to share a brain link with. 

“Too bad she doesn’t work with us, people don’t tell you to shut up enough.” As soon as the words left his mouth he could see her amused stare. John didn't consider himself a man of wants; he lived alone, unmarried, without family, all by choice. But that didn't mean he never indulged on occasion. And Mary, mother of god if she looks at him like that again his thoughts are going to go sideways fast.

“You know I like you.” The little thing wags her finger towards him, teasing mostly to playfully irritate Johnny.

Throughout the night John watched her, the way she walked, the way she spoke, the way she smiled and laughed. John has a lot of self control, he’s spent years denying himself things he wants because he’s simply just too busy, gone too often, too old. But after the drinks had been flowing, he found himself crossing the living room and sitting next to her on one of the couches.

“Johnny talks about you a lot,” he said trying to make conversation, he does not get nervous easily working the job he does and living the life He’s led,  he has pretty much gotten rid of nerves altogether but the bird is fucking pretty.

“Yeah, talks about you too.” She hums, she’s not sober, none of them were, but out of the group the two of them had probably drank the least.

“How long you stayin for?” Making pleasant small talk has never been his strong suit, but all things considered. He figured he was doing Okay.

“A week or so.” Her sweet voice rang out. As they talked, the conversation got less formal, less awkward, John learned what she did for work, heard snippets from her and Johnny's childhood he'd already heard twice over from Soap. And listened as she spoke about music and art. But it was her recent breakup that really caught his attention.

“Hmm sounds like he didn’t deserve you.” John commented, a passing thought that just slipped past his lips. She looked at him, she smiled.

“Are you flirting with me, John?” he was, he wasn’t sure how Johnny would feel about that if he was well…sober but she didn’t seem like she was complaining.

“I am.”  He spoke calmly, truthfully. He looked at her through his alcohol fueled haze.

“Oh good I was worried I was imagining it” she giggled, he wondered just how mad he thought soap would be if he took the woman who was practically his sister upstairs.

As the conversation continued, he found himself actually unable to shake that thought, found himself considering it. He had ultimately decided that that was not the best idea, to fuck your sergeants, best friend in the guest bedroom of his new house. That was until she announced she was going to turn in, he was going to tell her a polite good night, he really was but then she looked at him the way she did, the pressed lips and eyes gesturing to the staircase, that “aren’t you going to come?” Kind of look. 

The next thing he knew he had her pressed up against the wall, his lips exploring wherever he could get them, doing his best to fiddle with the lock on the door given how poor his hand eye coordination was at the moment. 

He remembers the way her skin felt, the way she smelled, the noises she made. John was not a man who allowed himself much, but she was not a woman that you just get off to, not one who deserved to simply be pleased, she was the kind of woman that you worship like your life depends on it so he did. Soon the worry of what his brother in arms would feel about the situation faded. The only thought occupying his brain was the woman mewling and writhing beneath him.

_____________

When he woke in the morning John looked at the woman slowly blinking awake. To describe the night they shared as anything but fantastic would be a gross understatement, the kind of sex you have that turns into a relationship.

“Hi” 

“Hi” 

Soft, quiet, the calm before the storm that was Johnathan Ryan MacTavish. The walk of shame if you could call it that was simply just two people walking to the kitchen after spending a drunken night at a friend's. 

Of course, the unfortunate part was they couldn’t get away with that, not with Johnny present.

“Price, I didn’t realize you spent the night…I was so…” he looked from the girl to John, back to that pretty thing. Soap has always been a bit of a drama queen.

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKIN KIDDING ME!”  

John didn’t necessarily feel guilty per se, he’s a grown man, she’s a grown woman and none of them have ever exactly been known for their strong moral compasses. 

“Oh relax, Johnny!” 

The little bird barked at him, it would’ve been very amusing had it not been for the younger man’s face turning a particularly concerning shade of red.

“Relax! That’s muh fucking boss, Bonnie!” Once you get soap started he doesn’t stop. Ghost looked apologetic immediately, such a calm man to be dating such an immature reactionary kid.

Neither she nor John could get a word in before he began again. It felt like when he was a boy and his father used to yell for any small thing, a grown man of 38 years old being yelled at by his own subordinate.

“He’s at least a decade older than you! Are you insane!” This went on for a while, Johnny asking a question, no one answering simply because he would just start three seconds later with another one. 

“Johnny.” He tried, using his captain voice (or dad voice if we’re telling the truth) but Soap wasn’t stopping. If it were any other person, any other situation, John would not just sit there and take that, but it’s soap.

“Oh Haud yer weesht!” 

You know Johnny is upset when he starts yelling in Scottish slang no one but him even understands. 

“Okay, okay…let’s calm.”

Simon held his hands in the air, a silent look to his boyfriend, a cue that it was time to stop talking. Johnny to his credit did stop talking. 

“John, why don’t you go home.” it wasn’t a demand but rather a silent plea to let Simon deal with his partner, he knew that John would only take that for so long and the last thing they needed when everyone was hungover and running on high emotions was for a fist fight to happen.

“Yeah, yeah alright” 

_________________

The texting began that afternoon, John while not old is not a spring chicken and texting anything but “ok” and a thumbs up emoji embarrassingly takes a small bit of effort from him.

“Hey sorry I got you in trouble with the boss.” An attempt at a joke, though he understood to a point why Johnny was upset.

She is not a woman afraid to be straight up or genuine, this much has been obvious for even the small amount of time he’s known her but even still the immediate and multiple replies still made him feel like a high school age boy with the attention of a pretty girl.

“He’s fine.” 

“Don't worry about it, you did nothing wrong.” 

“I had fun :)” 

She’s technically correct, he did nothing wrong, he didn’t ask how the tension was on her end, felt it best to let her tell him if It was something to write home about. 

“Yeah me too, love.” 

The week drudged on, the weekend came and went and yet rather than spending it like usual, smoking while watching the Telly he instead found himself texting the little birdie. The work week however was not as peaceful, not quite as fun either. 

Johnny was obviously not over it in simply a matter of days, in order to function like a team they have to function like they are a goddamn team. This gets incredibly difficult when your sergeant hardly says more than two words to you the entire week that aren’t “yes, sir” and “no sir.” 

John honestly doesn’t understand how Ghost willingly puts up with him at home. 

“MacTavish.” John spoke Thursday afternoon, prepared to give an order to a man who is, yes, a friend, but also whom he is in charge of, the silence he could handle the attitude? Not so much.

“Yes sir?” Johnny’s words were phrased as a question, but the unmistakable irritation written on his expression was not only pissing John off but making working conditions feel unnecessarily hostile.

The orders were given, the interaction over. By the end of the day. The team all having had plenty to do that day were rightfully tired, John texting his bird, Johnny giving him a glare from across the room. Annoying but not unbearable, it makes sense really why “no fraternizing” rules exist though none of them have ever really listened to orders but it does in fact make sense.

______________

Friday morning John barely walked into the door of his office before Simon was there, mediation no doubt.

“What is it?” A tired sigh left the older man looking over to the masked giant shutting the door to his office.

“Talked to Johnny.” John knew it probably wasn’t work related when Simon shut the door but a guy can hope for some level of professionalism.

“Mmhm” he sat at his desk flipping through the paperwork that all but consumed his life at any given moment.

“I just think you need to talk to him.” He doesn’t say much more, he’s not the talker of the group by any stretch of the word.

John sighs as Ghost leaves. Bloody ridiculous.

Then for the first time that morning, he checked his phone. Birdie.

“Have a good day.” He wasn’t in love with the girl, he’d barely known her a week but dammit having a woman check on him for no other reason than a desire to speak to him. That does things to a guy.

Tea, he needed some caffeine, maybe a cigar. John Made his way through the base with his typical quickness. And of fucking course there was soap. As soon as he walked into the doorway.

“Cap” 

“Soap”

The quiet stare off, each waiting for the other to speak. 

“My office, ten minutes” wasn't up for debate, nor a question of whether he wanted to or not. Johnny would be in his office in ten minutes. And with that, he made his tea.

________________

As Johnny sat in his office the quiet tension between them filled the room. 

“Well?” John asked, a very real demand to let it out, Johnny had been allowed to effectively pout for the last week, John knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t make a scene at work.

“She’s basically my sister.” He muttered 

“I’m aware.” 

“You didn’t ask.”

“She’s grown, I don’t have to ask anyone but most definitely not you.”

They stare for a moment, the issue was neither one of them was entirely wrong. They both knew it but put two bulls in a room together and China is certainly going to be broken.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen…at least not like this.” 

“You were out of line messing with someone so close to me like she doesn’t matter.” Now that comment from soap wasn’t going to stand, John may have had his fair share of little bar flings, soap being used to this fact but they are like brothers, a team. John would never intentionally hurt a woman Johnny loves so much.

“I’m not messing with her, I’d like to take her out but I don’t want to keep getting lip from you about it.” 

Silence, Johnny' s face went from one of quiet rage to one of silent understanding.

“You don’t do that.”

“Not usually, No.” 

________________

Soap’s blessing, as reluctant as it was, gave the two space to explore what they chose without fear of a Scottish crash out. At first John and his little lady saw each other sparingly, she went home after a few weeks and it was simply late night phone calls and “I miss you” texts. But the woman being who she was with the determination she had, moved to England, to “be closer to Johnny.” A blatant lie to cover up the fact that she moved a very considerable distance for a man. 

Johnny was still fussy about the two at first but he grew used to it, going over to the hen's house and there was John, answering the door, calling his best friend to complain about work and there his boss was; coughing like someone’s father in her bathroom.

He may have not loved it but John treated her well, clearly made her happy. The bird likes to recount the tale of the day they got engaged as if it were a horror movie told from Johnny's perspective “and without warning Johnny was blindsided by the evil old man stealing away his bestie! The horror!” The reason for the joke was the pure look of panic on Johnny's face when John asked her to marry him. 

The seasons changed, the years passed, and the second deployment passed with her heavily pregnant. 

Johnny while he tried pulling the “I can’t believe you left your wife to fend for herself.” 

Was immediately met with 

“Your best friend's husband is deployed and you’re not even there to help her through it, a terrible friend really.” 

The hostility turned to jokes, new stories about John’s wife started popping into conversations, the same crazy little thing she had always been.

_____________

The group sat peacefully in the Price family living room, watching footy and each taking turns holding the new baby, Gaz making considerable effort to hold the little girl more than everyone else, food had been ate, the Telly had been yelled at, now the quiet conversation of five of the best friends filled the room. Well, it was peaceful until Johnny.

“Do you guys remember when you defiled my brand new guest bedroom?” 

“Shut up, Johnny.”

[the-wine-bottle]

As a huge transformers fan I get this BUT let's talk about Binghe for a second.

There are 2 Binghe's that are relevant for this conversation. The Binghe from Svsss and the Binghe from PIDW. If you don't know, Pidw is a book within the series that Binghe is from (Shen Yuan the main character basically gets isekai'd in this novel). Both Binghe's have the same back story, they don't know why but their birth parents left them. And they lived very hard lives, got abused, and got practically sent into hell. The main difference is the abuse stopped for the svsss one (Bingmei) since Yuan transmigrated, but Yuan transmigratinf made it hurt even more when he had to push Bingmei into hell. After getting pushed both of them resided in hell for a couple of years before being able to escape. They both, are terrible people. Like genuinely terrible, even if Bingmei seems better it's just because Yuan has a leash on him. The PIDW one, Bingge immediately got out of hell collected a harem of women, brutally tortured his teacher (who was his abuser) by cutting of each of his limbs, killed the person who is canonically his soulmate and showed him the broken pieces of his sword (that signifies his death since this takes place in a cultivation setting and that was his spiritual weapon) and explained how it was all his teachers fault he died since he came to save him, cut off his teachers tongue, gouged out his eyeballs, and put him in a pickle pot. He then went on to merge the 3 realms which caused the death and destruction of many. Became the demon lord, amassed a harem of women that was past the triple digits and was able to do anything he liked as he was the strongest person in the world. He committed war crimes, has major trust issues, manipulated everyone around him, and is in fact aggressive (if you couldn't tell). Bingmei on the other hand is obsessed with his teacher, while he may seem better then the other Binghe, he is not. He is, in simple terms, a yandere. Who will do anything for his teacher and is not above literally anything for that. He has repeatedly time and time again proven this and is actively manipulating his teacher in order to stay by his side. He is someone who is aggressive at best with most people, and literally kept his teachers corps for 5 years. In a creepy way not in a snow white way. HE FOUGHT FOR IT INSTEAD OF LETTING IT BE BURIED BC HE REFUSED TO LET HIM DIE! (He was already dead... kinda). But the most important part of all of this is that Binghe has trust issues. Very VERY intense trust issues. Binghe getting pregnant would be a testament to how much Yuan (teacher) loved him. It would finally provide him some stress relief at realizing that his SHIZUN'S (teacher) BABY WAS INSIDE OF HIM. THINK ABOUT THE PIDW BINGHE! He was meant to be impregnated.

(Also imagine him with Yuan wandering the palace being pregnant)

(Also this is a very vague summary of Binghe being crazy and his tauma)

literally the ssvss guy could never compare to megatron's amounts of "aggressive and breedable" tbh. in the poll asking who bottoms, megatron won an overwhelming amount of votes compares to optimus prime. AND megatron killed half his planet soooooooooooo

.

[lucabyte]

i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.

i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.

anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.

[astradyke]

warning this might be a nothing post i'm just a little emotional & rambling but like... i think a lot about hometown showdown and gay and not proud a lot. and i understand this was in the peak of YouTube's fuckery with Dan and disrupting his plans for DINOK so i understand there's like a tension behind a lot of what was ongoing. i also realize that YouTube-- more obviously with hometown showdown-- but generally had strong business rationale for wanting Phil to feature in these videos, with Dan & Phil being the duo of HS and Phil being there in gay and not proud (sorry the acronym for this looks ugly).

but man... i think a lot about how hometown showdown was just kind of a lot of dates. i've not seen the other ones but i hear a lot that they were way more competitive versus Dan and Phil were just casually exploring their hometowns together, showing pieces of themselves to the other. i think about all the dialogue that was cut (that I think was alluded to in WDAPTEO 2?)

and i think about like. the seismic Importance of Phil being in gay and not proud as like... Dan's safe space. the same way he's remote crisis manager, the same way he was part of WAD's pre & post show, the same way he filmed that haircut video basically to promo YWGTTN and Dan is leaving me to talk about WAD. the same way that Dan got a taxi to his place after his nightmare experience at the laundromat to do laundry because "for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe."

and after the latest mukbang it's like... it's really insane to me how their personal relationship has continued despite the pressures they've faced as being a comedic influencer duo. the fact that they work as business partners but still have this relationship. the fact that even in these YouTube originals that Dan was resentful of at the time anyway you can still glowingly see how much they love each other. like Phil being in gay and not proud wasn't a cameo, it was a fucking love confession.

i dunno. this is something that's been talked about a Lot but i do think about it frequently. i don't tend to rewatch these specials a lot because Jesus Christ the editing really gets me, but like... idk. "you're next to me in my life," or whatever. 15 years have passed and Phil's still cheerleading for Dan, from his first YouTube video to his first solo tour. i dunno.

[amethystina]

hello dear, hope you're doing well physically & mentally. lots of hugs for you!

i've been wondering about the physical touch in Gahan's dynamic especially. we all know how much physical abuse Yohan has gone through in his childhood, the kidnapping by Sunah, him willingly explode a whole ass room with bombs with him inside it too but pushing away his loved one out.

now compare to Gaon. this Bambi has better experience with physical touch in his life seeing as how he's comfortable leaning to Soohyun seeking comfort while grieving for the loss of his parents. reaching out to Yohan so easily when he sees Yohan woke up from a nightmare. how he reaches for Kkomi and put her on his lap, the lovely and respectful interaction with Elijah.

I always have this thought in my head that it would be tricky for them to have this physical touch without one misunderstood the meaning of one's action. personally i bounced back and forth of the idea Yohan can manipulate and charm ppl with his sex prowess. just because he knows being seduction and sex goes hand in hand with manipulation. It does seem like Yohan can be the type to do especially that the way he gazes at Gaon & Sunah. But we all know he has brother complex lol, while with Sunah he can get the rush of feeling powerful having someone around his level to play with. Either that idea or I think Yohan never has the chance to explore sex bcs it's too much physical touches and too much emotional investment in such a short period of time. Perhaps he can have sex while his sex partner is tied up, not touching Yohan but he's the one who has control to touch them, hence why the kinky dom Yohan exist. So i think domestic touches will be like taming stray or feral creatures. It would take a long time and patience on both sides to be in the safe space and trust.

now.. wdyt Gahan would be in if they were already in a romantic relationship. How would they interact? Who would initiate what? What difference would it be for them in domestic/ innocent interactions and in bed? I would like to know your thoughts on this one. I wish I can pour my detailed thoughts for this but i'm afraid to scare you off with my long-ass paragraphs hahaha it's been a while since I have conversations analyzing character's personality and their depths, just geeking out about them and it can be intense and intimidating for people if I pour all my thoughts out for these shit lol

I wish you well! Take your time on your recovery & in writing, we'll always be here for you!

I'm currently in pain from shoveling too much snow but, other than that, I'm pretty okay. Thank you for asking 💜

Physical touch is a very fascinating subject when it comes to these two, isn't it? Probably because there's so much tension between them.

Anyhow! I actually think that Yo Han has had a lot of sex but, like, only with the right people? He may have been abused as a child (and definitely has trauma and trust issues because of it) but he's also a very clever and intuitive man. And he'd know how to find partners he can have casual, enthusiastic, and fun sex with. Like, some random woman or man he meets at a bar who thinks he's hot? Definitely. Some random woman or man he meets in a professional setting who is clearly trying to gain something from having sex with him? Absolutely not.

Having sex is a very intimate act in some ways, but exactly how intimate depends a lot on the partner, the setting, and the circumstances. Yo Han would only go for people he's not feeling threatened by or knows he can control without exerting too much effort. But I also think he'd enjoy the challenge of wooing people. Like, how fast can he make this woman shed her clothes? What should he say to make this man swoon? Flirting would be a game for him, too, but "winning" just means he and the other person get to have sex so it's actually pretty harmless.

And I think he'd be fine doing it with strangers and letting them touch him. Because he doesn't actually seem averse to touch in the drama? Unused to it, yes — especially the tender kind — but not scared of or uncomfortable with it. He puts himself and his body through a lot, yes, but never in a reckless or self-destructive way. More often than not, he knows exactly what the risks are and deems them worth whatever payoff comes at the end (unlike Ga On who just... throws himself into danger without much thought).

One of the few (if not the only time) Yo Han seems genuinely scared of physical touch is when Ga On tries to comfort him after his nightmare. Which says a lot, I think. He's more scared of a touch meant to soothe than one meant to hurt, since he doesn't want to show weakness. He doesn't know how he will react to a touch like that and would therefore rather push it away.

But he doesn't even flinch when Sun Ah raises a hand to slap him, which is definitely a situation where some (but not all) who have been abused in the past would react. So, clearly, he's not as traumatised as he could have been, or has learned to control it enough for it not to show too much. To me, Yo Han doesn't seem averse to casual touching and does it quite a lot himself, like towing Ga On around at the gala, lightly patting Lawyer Ko's arm, offering his arm to Jin Joo at the other gala etc.

And I personally don't think there will be all that many misunderstandings between him and Ga On as to what a certain touch means? They both seem way too smart for that? There might still be general misunderstandings, of course, but not when it comes to that. If nothing else, the intent behind touches is something Yo Han had to learn long ago because you can't manipulate people only using sexual prowess. He needs more than one method and that means recognising what different touches mean, when to give them etc.

My personal headcanon for Yo Han is that he has no trouble using his sex appeal to manipulate when appropriate, but his strength lies in how he adapts to the situation, sometimes being kind and understanding, sometimes being firm and commanding, and, sometimes, being flirty and sensual.

The way he prefers to have sex is for fun, though, and he enjoys it a lot with the right people. But he'd never do it if he felt uncomfortable or threatened by his partner, and he's good enough at reading people that he'd know the other person's intentions long before the actual sex happens. So, for example, I don't think he'd ever want to have sex with Sun Ah even if he could tie her up. He'd be too suspicious to actually enjoy it xD

To me, Yo Han is the kind of man who has a lot of trauma, but has also worked a lot on overcoming said trauma. If he did so in a healthy way I will leave unsaid, but I don't think he'd allow himself to be wary of other people's touch. I think Yo Han would be frustrated by his own limitations if he could only have sex with people while they're tied up, simply because he's uncomfortable with them touching him. That's too big of a weakness — something someone could exploit. And he'd train that out of himself as soon as possible. His whole thing is that he's unshakeable and impenetrable and that's a choice — something he's putting effort into being. And so I, personally, can't see him allowing himself to have that kind of "flaw."

As a friend of mine said: "He's a man even more in control of himself than he is others."

That said, I think he enjoys tying people up because it gives him added control and makes it more fun to play with his victims partners. So I'm all for Dom!Yo Han — he is one in every fic I've written so far — I just think he does that because he likes it, not because it's the only way he can have sex.

And, to be entirely honest with you? I don't think Yo Han needs to tie people up in order to control them in the bedroom. I'm pretty sure that man can make his partners do pretty much anything he wants them to, without using a single tool or restraint. Because that is the kind of Dom he is.

ANYHOW. To your questions! (boy did I get derailed there for a while)

Ga On is definitely the cuddly one. Like, once he gets comfortable, he's the one who gives and asks for hugs, will walk up behind Yo Han and wrap his arms around him, snuggle up on the couch, put his head in Yo Han's lap etc. Because I definitely agree with you that the casual, domestic touches will be more difficult for Yo Han. He's used to giving some of them, like pats on the shoulder, a supportive hand, fixing Ga On's clothes — practical things. But the ones that are just because? Clearly, that's out of his wheelhouse and he's too prideful to ask for them.

Again, not because he's broken, scared, or doesn't understand them, but simply because he's not used to them. And he doesn't like feeling insecure or appearing weak, so he wouldn't risk asking and making a mistake.

So it'll fall upon Ga On to offer them, which he of course does. He's a pretty physical person with the people he trusts, provided that politeness and such allows it. Like, clearly, one of the reasons why Ga On doesn't touch Yo Han much in the drama is due to the workplace hierarchy, the fact that Yo Han is older (and it's considered rude to touch someone older without their permission), and just Yo Han's overall... Yo Han-ness. But once Ga On gets free rein?

Yo Han won't know what hit him.

But it'll take time for them to get used to it, yes. Like, just teaching Yo Han how to return casual hugs that aren't in a life-or-death situation is going to take a while. But he'll get used to it eventually and while I don't think he'll ever be the one to initiate certain things — like the more cuddly hugs that might make him look clingy — he'd always reciprocate when Ga On does.

Yo Han is a little too prideful to ask for cuddles, but he'll graciously agree to them when Ga On asks him to give them.

(He and Komi have that in common, I guess)

As for sex, that depends? I think they can both initiate it, but Yo Han enjoys it more when Ga On does so, just because he likes seeing Ga On horny and desperate xD Yo Han is definitely the one in charge, though. That's not to say that Ga On can't snatch control from him or throw him off-balance from time to time, but probably only during brief moments when he's being particularly cheeky and bratty. I think they both enjoy the push-and-pull — the fact that Ga On challenges Yo Han is a part of the thrill — but are more comfortable when Yo Han is in control.

Especially since Yo Han is very good at it.

All that said, I do think — and this might be an unpopular and scandalous opinion — that Yo Han could, eventually, let Ga On top him. But we're talking years down the line, when they're so comfortable with each other that there are no secrets or doubts. Because, yes, Yo Han is a man who prides himself on having control but, eventually, he's also going to realise that having control and having power isn't necessarily the same thing. And being in charge and having control isn't necessarily the same thing, either. Ga On has a tremendous amount of power over Yo Han despite not being in charge or in control the majority of the time.

I mean, there's a reason why they say that the sub is the one with the real power since they're the ones willingly handing it over to someone else. And if they can give it, they can also revoke that privilege — and there is absolutely nothing the Dom can do about that. In that situation, the Dom is, quite literally, powerless.

And I think, especially as he gets older and softer, Yo Han would realize that trusting Ga On to top him is, in fact, a sign of his own strength. And I don't mean that in a "real men know how to bottom" kind of way. But in a "I love this man and I trust him and myself enough to let him have this power over me because that, in itself, means I have power."

But, again, that's several years into their relationship and 99,9% of the time, Yo Han is the one topping. But, every once in a while, Ga On can be the one in charge. As a treat.

... I may have gotten off track again.

But I'd say that's about the gist of it? There are, of course, more specific examples and details, too.

Yo Han is definitely the one doing most of the dirty talk, but Ga On will not hesitate to use his doe-eyes to his advantage and say the most kinky, outrageous things sometimes, just for the pleasure of watching Yo Han bluescreen. I also think that Yo Han will develop a habit of burrowing his nose in Ga On's hair when they're hugging/cuddling. And, as I've mentioned in a previous post, Yo Han is the little spoon 90% of the time. I also think that Ga On is going to be pretty shy and prudish when it comes to talking about sex and anything relating to it (at least at the beginning), but kinky as fuck when it comes to the actual acts. Like, he can't say "cock" without wincing, but he'll gladly let Yo Han tie him up and fuck him so roughly and thoroughly he's covered in bruises afterwards.

I really could go on but then we'd be here forever and I have work tomorrow x'D

So I'm hoping you got something out of this long rant! Thank you so much for the ask! I admit that I don't often spend time thinking about fictional characters' sex lives, but I apparently have a lot of opinions regardless. Though, to be honest, I think Yo Han and Ga On is the couple where I've had to think about it the most, since physical closeness (of both the sexual and more innocent kind) is extremely important for their dynamic. So yeah.

Take care, darling! 💜

[vypridae]

dude ough im so jealous of trans kids that can actually come out of the closet to their families and even extended families, i think i'd rather actually fly into the sun than tell my dad i'm trans

[pepprs]

genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim

[arolesbianism]

Did some abno fights in ruina today which means more nugget slots which means I got to write more dialogue for them let's gooooo 🎉🎉🎉

[mcmansionhell]

we've found it folks: mcmansion heaven

Hello everyone. It is my pleasure to bring you the greatest house I have ever seen. The house of a true visionary. A real ad-hocist. A genuine pioneer of fenestration. This house is in Alabama. It was built in 1980 and costs around $5 million. It is worth every penny. Perhaps more.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Come on, Kate, that's a little kooky, but certainly it's not McMansion Heaven. This is very much a house in the earthly realm. Purgatory. McMansion Purgatory." Well, let me now play Beatrice to your Dante, young Pilgrim. Welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

It is rare to find a house that has everything. A house that wills itself into Postmodernism yet remains unable to let go of the kookiest moments of the prior zeitgeist, the Bruce Goffs and Earthships, the commune houses built from car windshields, the seventies moments of psychedelic hippie fracture. It is everything. It has everything. It is theme park, it is High Tech. It is Renaissance (in the San Antonio Riverwalk sense of the word.) It is medieval. It is maybe the greatest pastiche to sucker itself to the side of a mountain, perilously overlooking a large body of water. Look at it. Just look.

The inside is white. This makes it dreamlike, almost benevolent. It is bright because this is McMansion Heaven and Gray is for McMansion Hell. There is an overbearing sheen of 80s optimism. In this house, the credit default swap has not yet been invented, but could be.

It takes a lot for me to drop the cocaine word because I think it's a cheap joke. But there's something about this example that makes it plausible, not in a derogatory way, but in a liberatory one, a sensuous one. Someone created this house to have a particular experience, a particular feeling. It possesses an element of true fantasy, the thematic. Its rooms are not meant to be one cohesive composition, but rather a series of scenes, of vastly different spatial moments, compressed, expanded, bright, close.

And then there's this kitchen for some reason. Or so you think. Everything the interior design tries to hide, namely how unceasingly peculiar the house is, it is not entirely able to because the choices made here remain decadent, indulgent, albeit in a more familiar way.

Rare is it to discover an interior wherein one truly must wear sunglasses. The environment created in service to transparency has to somewhat prevent the elements from penetrating too deep while retaining their desirable qualities. I don't think an architect designed this house. An architect would have had access to specifically engineered products for this purpose. Whoever built this house had certain access to architectural catalogues but not those used in the highest end or most structurally complex projects. The customization here lies in the assemblage of materials and in doing so stretches them to the height of their imaginative capacity. To borrow from Charles Jencks, ad-hoc is a perfect description. It is an architecture of availability and of adventure.

A small interlude. We are outside. There is no rear exterior view of this house because it would be impossible to get one from the scrawny lawn that lies at its depths. This space is intended to serve the same purpose, which is to look upon the house itself as much as gaze from the house to the world beyond.

Living in a city, I often think about exhibitionism. Living in a city is inherently exhibitionist. A house is a permeable visible surface; it is entirely possible that someone will catch a glimpse of me they're not supposed to when I rush to the living room in only a t-shirt to turn out the light before bed. But this is a space that is only exhibitionist in the sense that it is an architecture of exposure, and yet this exposure would not be possible without the protection of the site, of the distance from every other pair of eyes. In this respect, a double freedom is secured. The window intimates the potential of seeing. But no one sees.

At the heart of this house lies a strange mix of concepts. Postmodern classicist columns of the Disney World set. The unpolished edge of the vernacular. There is also an organicist bent to the whole thing, something more Goff than Gaudí, and here we see some of the house's most organic forms, the monolith- or shell-like vanity mixed with the luminous artifice of mirrors and white. A backlit cave, primitive and performative at the same time, which is, in essence, the dialectic of the luxury bathroom.

And yet our McMansion Heaven is still a McMansion. It is still an accumulation of deliberate signifiers of wealth, very much a construction with the secondary purpose of invoking envy, a palatial residence designed without much cohesion. The presence of golf, of wood, of masculine and patriarchal symbolism with an undercurrent of luxury drives that point home. The McMansion can aspire to an art form, but there are still many levels to ascend before one gets to where God's sitting.

If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including a discord server, extra posts, and livestreams.

Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar! Student loans just started back up!