#I have a list and a spreadsheet for the year so I can write my onions on them and refer to it at the end of this year

[nozoroomie]

I've challenged myself to try and read 100 novels this year and I'm already two down. I'm prioritizing sapphic stories, and I'm doing my best to try and get them from my local library. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know! I've read a lot of the really popular ones, but my library also only has a slightly generous handful of some of the best novels out there, so any that are recommended to me that the library doesn't have I'll try to buy from a small bookstore or secondhand and then donate them to my library :)

[maniculum]

200 13th-Century Names

I've made a thing and thought others might be able to get some use out of it. If you just want the d100 tables, scroll down to the cut and skip my rambling as to what this list is. Short version, it's a d100 table of male names and a d100 table of female names, taken from 13th-century English records and trimmed to minimize names that were used within the last 140-odd years.

While working on my Dungeon23 project (updates collected here, by the way), I was looking for names for my NPCs, and stumbled upon the Henry III Fine Rolls as a source. This is a digitization and indexing of records from 13th-century England that include a lot of personal names. It contains references to a database they made that sorts these names by popularity and other factors, but the database apparently hasn't been maintained, because it's gone. For a while, I was just picking names from articles about that database, but I started to worry I was going to run out (due to my tendency to name any corpses of dead adventurers in the dungeon just in case someone likes to cast speak with dead). So I went to their index of names, which is great if you're looking for a specific person, but not useful if you just want a list of personal names, and decided to use their data to make a couple d100 tables for myself.

I went through the index and typed all the names into a spreadsheet. Then, to give the list a more medieval feel, I sorted them by how often they appeared in the Social Security Administration's data on baby names. (I know that's a bit US-centric, but to my knowledge there is no global database to use for this purpose.) Then I removed all the ones that appeared most often on the baby names list -- I figured if you were rolling on a table of medieval names, you'd be a bit disappointed if you got "John" or "Mary". (Incidentally, the following names appear both in the Fine Rolls and on the SSA's list of the top 10 (male and female, so 20 actually) baby names for 2021: Emma, Oliver, James, Ava, William, Isabella, and Henry.) I used the data going back to 1880 for thoroughness.

In the case of male names, this meant I was able to remove all the names that appeared in the SSA records. So the names in that table were (probably) not used at all in the U.S. between 1880 and 2021. (The SSA apparently doesn't keep records on names that appear less than five times in a given year, so it's possible there were a few of these guys around, but not many.) This is because, as you may expect from medieval records, there were more than twice as many male names in the records as female names, so there were more left over after cutting the ones that appeared in the SSA data. So twenty of the female names on the table were also used in the US since 1880, but not often.

I did not make any effort to sort names by etymology, so the list includes French, Welsh, Scandinavian, &c. names, not just names that have an English origin. Multicultural, for "pretty much just one quadrant of Europe" values of "multicultural". I don't think that should break anyone's immersion or anything; medieval people traveled around more than people tend to think.

Speaking of breaking immersion, I also cut the following names off of the list because I thought they might be distracting to your players if you randomly assigned them to an NPC -- or to your audience if you use this to name characters for a writing project. I'm not going to say there's something wrong with these names, just that they're the sort of thing you would want to only deploy on purpose:

From the male names:

Cok

Flourecoc

Hammecok

Marmaduke

Odo

Vivian

From the female names:

Cuntessa

Cuntus

Licorice

Also, to note, I've kept them separated into 100 male names and 100 female names because the source data was pretty firmly entrenched in the gender binary. Obviously you can do what you want with your characters' genders, though, and if you want to completely ignore the division, feel free to combine them into a single list and roll a d20+d10 for a d200 table.

Anyway, without further ado, the tables (or, well, lists numbered 1-100) are below the cut.

d100 Medieval Female Names

Acilia

Albrea

Alcis

Aleys

Alveva

Alvona

Amabilia

Amice

Amphelisa

Angaretta

Annora

Antigonia

Anura

Argia

Arniun

Ascelina

Aude

Avegaya

Avice

Barbata

Basilia

Belasez

Belina

Bertrada

Blitha

Bruncosta

Burgia

Celecestra

Claremunda

Clemencia

Comitessa

Constantina

Cundya

Custantia

Dervorguilla

Desiderata

Duva

Edelina

Egelina

Egidia

Emicina

Ermengard

Ermintrude

Escilia

Esterota

Eustachia

Fluoria

Frethesenta

Genta

Goda

Godelina

Godina

Goditha

Goldcorna

Goldina

Guinda

Gundreda

Gunilda

Gunnora

Hawise

Huwelina

Idonea

Imayne

Imenia

Isolda

Ivetta

Kamilia

Langusa

Laurencia

Lesianda

Letewaria

Liveva

Maciana

Mariota

Maszelina

Meisenta

Melcana

Nesta

Nichith

Olencia

Olenta

Oriolda

Osamunda

Pavia

Pelaga

Petronilla

Phillipa

Quenilda

Sanchia

Sapientia

Sarotha

Scolastica

Sigerida

Sinolda

Slima

Theophania

Wulveva

Wymarca

Ymanea

Yselia

d100 Medieval Male Names

Alard

Albric

Alfwyn

Algrym

Alnothus

Amauvin

Amfrid

Anessans

Arnewic

Arnulph

Ascelin

Asketillus

Astun

Avenel

Azus

Baldekin

Bonefey

Chernon

Costericus

Cradoc

Deodatus

Deulecresse

Deulobene

Eglinus

Ellemus

Elvered

Engelard

Engeram

Ernisius

Ernulf

Everwin

Ferrand

Fraricus

Fulk

Galerand

Gemmion

Gernegan

Godebrich

Godescallus

Gruffydd

Gundwin

Hagin

Halengrattus

Hasculph

Heinfrid

Heltonus

Herlewin

Hermer

Ilger

Imbert

Innorus

Isenbard

Joldwin

Jollan

Jukell

Jurninus

Ketelbert

Lefrich

Lefwin

Manasser

Mauger

Meredudd

Meuric

Mosse

Odard

Odinell

Orm

Ranulf

Ratiken

Reinfrid

Rochulf

Roscelin

Ruellus

Runcinus

Salekin

Samariellus

Savaric

Selvius

Serlo

Terricus

Thoreword

Tollanus

Turgot

Turkill

Ulf

Ulfketell

Urricus

Vivard

Waldethus

Walding

Waleran

Walkelin

Wandregisilius

Wicmannus

Wigan

Wischard

Wurmund

Wybert

Wymarc

Wynan

So yeah. There you go. For your TTRPG or writing project. Knock yourself out, let me know if you do anything cool with this.

[palestaticexchange]

PALE STATIC EXCHANGE... 2!

i said i'd do this again~

Welcome to the Pale Static Exchange... Two!

A few people lamented they weren't able to make sign up for last year, since it was such a short timeframe. I have ~listened~, I have ~learned~ from the first exchange, and ~*HOPEFULLY*~ I have streamlined the experience for you all!

FAQ

ASKS

SIGN UP!

CALENDER

LORE

KOFI

So without further adieu, this is how it's going to work:

Fill in this form to be included in the draw.

The form will be active until the 8th of June 2024, at which point I'll post a link to an incognito draw website (unless results in THIS POLL indicate otherwise!)

Me and @koreplus will message half of you each, letting you know WHO your recipient is as well as their likes/ dislikes

As long as you provide me with a valid Tumblr URL that allows me to tag you then everyone will be tagged on the post when it goes live :)

Access to the likes/ dislikes form will then be distributed..:

The likes/ dislikes form:

When the draw went live last year, a participant - rightly - pointed out that posting a link to a spreadsheet listing everyone's likes/ dislikes may not have been the best idea; since the dislikes section allows participants to list potential triggers.

Since the draw was already live, I rectified this by deleting the post and making the document accessible ONLY through being sent a link. This worked perfectly well last year, however (if somebody wanted to be a grade-A prick) they could have taken that link and posted it anywhere.

I've put a lot of thought into it and come to the conclusion that the only *perfect* solution would be to do the entire draw process myself, then individually message everyone who their recipient is, as well as their likes/ dislikes.

Now.

I'd really rather not have to do that, as it's going to make the entire process a lot more involved on my end; there were 56 participants last year (including myself) and I expect that number to be higher this time around since people have been following this blog in the off-season. I am very depressed and very lazy disabled and work so hard and have no monies.

But for the love of god, frotting, AND communism: I WILL pull my thumb out my ass and do that if people prefer it: Answer a poll!

ANYWAY:

You have until August 1st 2024 to create something; be that art, writing, music, ect. You then post your work and @ tag @ your partner in it! You can also submit it to this blog, however I will try to share everyone's works regardless.

Due to time zones and life in general I'll give a day's grace period, but the cut-off will be August 5th (If you fill in the form then PLEASE do try to create something for your partner, even if it's something small) Obviously things come up, so if it's looking like you won't be able to create something then please get in contact ASAP so that I can sort something out.

[projecttreehouse]

write EVERY DAY. here's how.

where inspiration fails, habit will always have your back. this is why it's important to build writing into your life as a habit, if you ever want to finish a project or improve your skills.

back in 2018, i (nat) was a college student without much going for me. i was feeling creatively stifled and insecure and like i didn't have TIME to write good. and i was right. i didn't have time to write GOOD. but i did have time to write SOMETHING. so that january, i built the habit. i wrote every single day in 2018, and almost every single day since.

because once you establish the habit, it becomes safer to skip a day (or three days) here and there. you will at least THINK about writing every day, even if you go straight from work to social plans to bed, or you're on vacation, or you're too sick to write. and that thinking is part of the habit!

here are the tips i followed to make this happen.

-pick a reasonable goal. starting off, mine was 300 words. now, i don't follow a goal, because the habit is so solid i don't need to. but 300 words is easy and quick. and if you give a pig a pancake, they'll probably have days where they write 500, 1000, even 3k words.

-log your word count. this is interesting to look back on every new year's eve, and it provides accountability. do this however you like; a spreadsheet, a physical notebook, a note in your phone, each day's section in your planner, whatever works for you. i have a channel in my personal discord server where i log mine.

-do NOT edit as you go. just write write write. if you feel like something you wrote needs work, yeah, it probably does-- everything needs to be edited, but that's a problem for later. highlight sentences you can't get right or make note of them to edit LATER. but do not edit as you go!

-write self-indulgent crap. fanfiction, shitty poetry, manifestos, rants, self insert fantasy romance, whatever floats your boat. having a shitty self-indulgent backup story to work on when i didn't feel like writing for the projects i cared about really helped get me in the habit. write for an audience of one!

-journal if you can't write. this may not necessarily build your skill as much as writing regular prose would, but it does help you maintain the habit and it can be useful in lots of other ways.

-think outside the box. write trivia questions. write a list of your favorite childhood toys. write a review of the book you're reading. i'm writing this post, that's going toward my word count for the day. again, this is still writing, and it helps maintain the habit.

-get comfortable writing on your phone. this took me a long time, but making it over this hurdle has saved my habit so many times.

you'll be surprised at the cool shit you end up writing on those days when you swore you weren't inspired enough. and you'll be delighted with how much progress you will make honing your craft!

happy writing! if you have any questions about how to implement any of these tips, our ask box is always open.

[strangebiology]

Free Resources I Made for Nonfiction Book Writers - $$$

If you're writing a nonfiction, non-memoir book, you're welcome to join my free monthly video chat group Authors of Nonfiction Books in Progress (ANBIP.) If you join you'll get the recap emails and the invites to meetings, but if you don't like meetings, then just enjoy the emails. Note that it's sort of a professional group so we talk about book writing as more of a job than some universal higher calling or whatever.

Through that, I've had a few people ask me for some of the following documents in this journey, so I decided, why not just make a copy for sharing so that anyone can find them, instead of just people who email me? Feel free to use these as samples, share them, whatever. But first:

What I wish I had known before the book: While I'm here, before you start your book proposal, I learned too late that you can get paid $80,000 to write one at a journalism fellowship! People do that at the Knight Science Journalism Fellowship, The Scripps Fellowship at the Center for Environmental Journalism, and probably the other Knight Journalism fellowships that I haven't looked into. So, keep your ears open for fellowships if you're thinking of starting a nonfiction book proposal.

To the resources...

Results from my agent search Note: most people suggest Publisher's Marketplace, so, even though I didn't like my results from looking there, there is surely a reason everyone else does.

My Book Proposal & how I contacted the agent Result: contract with MIT Press to write a book about dead animals and $50,000 advance.

My Proposal for the Sloan Grant Result: I got $56,053 for the book Carcass. Also, at least two other people in my group got the grant, and one mentioned that she never would have known about it if it weren't for ANBIP, nor would she have applied!

List of suggested grants to apply to Note: most of these book grants--and most legit ones in the world--require a traditional contract. I find a lot of "prizes" for people without trad contracts are not grants at all, but an effort to get you to think you "won" what is, in effect, a contract. That's fine if the contract is fine, but don't let them stroke your ego with the words "you won" if you think you could get a better contract elsewhere. A grant is more like free money.

I also got $500 and some free resources--and miiiiight get some more money in the future?--from a program called Investing in Wyoming's Creative Economy, so, maybe your state has something similar. IWCE is brand new (started in 2023) so we'll see if it even continues on. MANY funding opportunities only exist for a few years before they run out.

My contract with my fact-checker

How I found Science Advisors & how I described their task Note: I really just made this up, as with the contract with the fact-checker. I'm just some person and I'm only giving these to you because I couldn't find anyone else's that may have been done better! Make a copy, read through it carefully, and make all the changes you need to yours. Or if you already have a better one to look to, send it to me and LMK if I can send it to my colleagues at ANBIP!

Spreadsheet National Park Artists in Residences Applications Note: I have never got any of these, and most don't pay or work well for writers, TBH. But I know a science writer who did get one. Also, I only included the ones I liked in this spreadsheet and left out the historic parks. Here's a map of more and the National Park Arts Foundation. I only apply to free ones because I noticed that one residency said they got 800 applications and the fee was $120, which, mathematically, is like paying $96,000 to do it (and that one paid $4,000 to the winner.) Also: state parks and BLM land have Artist in Residence programs!

Copy of #PublishingPaidMe spreadsheet (I didn't make this, and I don't recommend making graphics or pivot tables from this as some of the numbers are def wrong)

Book Progress thermometer

That's all for now! If you found this helpful, just pay it forward by being open with your experience for the next people who ask you.

PS. My next task is finding events to hire me to do talks about the topic of my book, which is dead animals. I know some authors make plenty of money on speaker fees after their book is launched! But I'm struggling to find events/places to speak because I mostly only want to go places where I am paid, but I also worry about a conflict of interest if I'm paid by organizations I've covered--or even, orgs that promote or protest anything that I've covered in general! I don't want to be a PETA-funded journalist or a Safari Club International-funded journalist either. If you have experience with setting up a book tour where you profited financially and were journalistically clear, I'd love to hear your story!

[notfinancialadvice]

It's been awhile, but I have a new thought for folks starting out investing

This blog is called "not financial advice" so this is not financial advice. Nothing on this blog is.

And.

I am working on a large-scale D&D-style banking system for a private client (my job is weird). This is putting me in touch with a lot of people in very expensive suits and it I keep pinging them:

"Let's say someone has $100 to start investing, what should they do. Like, literally $100. With $0.00 added after."

I've cobbled together some thoughts (not advice don't sue me) and cut out the bullshit and sales pitches.

Start a high-yield savings account in an FDIC insured bank. As of this writing (April 27, 2023, United States-based), it'll be somewhere between 3.5 - 4.25% APY (annual percent yield -- i.e. interest)

Go with a bank that is FDIC insured. Banks pay for this, you do not. Here are smart people talking about what FDIC is.

The percentage difference listed above is 0.75%. Moving money is a bitch, is it worth chasing 0.75%? That depends on your situation, time, etc. Here are smart people who built a calculator to help you figure it out if it's worth it to you.

Touch it as little as possible.

Start a spreadsheet that tracks your finances.

In the cell that lists the amount of this balance, give it a name. Something fun, something that speaks to you. I did this as an experiment + to participate, mine is "Slime Research Adventurer Destruction Fund".

Write a prospectus (fancy word for "this is what the goal for this cash is to do").

Slime Research Adventurer Destruction Fund prospectus: Follow the path of high-yield savings rates at {bank}. Review quarterly if other banks have a substantially better rate (+1.5%).

The entire point is to break the idea of "them not me" and "today vs. someday" and "I cannot begin to build wealth vs. someone else can."

A $100 savings INVESTMENT IN A SAVINGS ACCOUNT with a rate of 3.5-4.25% will give you interest of $3.50-4.25 at the end of the first year, then continue on growing onwards.

That is your return.

Is it as high as investing in the market? No.

Is it safer? Holy fuck yes.

When you invest in stocks, bonds, etc. you are looking for a return. This is your return.

This is not a grindset mindset work 24/7 chunk of advice. This is not a reality-disillusionment "I am struggling I need to work harder."

You need to be knowledgable about how things can work for you so you can leverage what you have, where you are, when you have it, as you can.

A high-yield savings account is not going to make you rich.

It probably won't make a difference in an emergency.

It will absolutely make a difference in non-emergency times, over a period of time.

Slime Research Adventurer Destruction Fund Destroying Adventurers.

That last point is where I'm coming to.

If you don't have enough cash to invest and/or you're not comfortable investing, that's fine.

Give your savings account a name that speaks to you. This is your investment. Your savings account = your investment account.

There is no moral or ethical difference between "I have cash shoved into a savings account" and "I have cash shoved into the stock market."

The only difference is potential risk, growth, and fees (never pay for a savings account), liquidity ("how quickly can I convert this thing into cash to buy an apple at the grocery store, pay a bill, etc.").

Make money less scary via weird names and fun graphics.

Go to a piccrew site and make a catgirl with pink and blue hair.

Name your fund "Catgirlsnax Fundsies".

Make. Money. Management. Less. Scary. By. Taking. Control. Via your own. Desires. Goals. Weird quirks.

Here is to hoping these gifs are not from horrible shows I don't know anime I know money and business and monsters.

If they are then I apologize for it.

I've read the notes on my blog and a lot of you like anime. I'm hoping these resonate.

[nocompromise-noregrets]

five good things, really quickly

before I head off to work, because I have a small handful of them right now...

Big one first: I am GOING TO FINLAND IN OCTOBER DAMMIT! Going for eleven days because...

PRIVATE LINE HAVE REFORMED AND ARE PLAYING A SHOW FOR THE FIRST TIME IN I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY YEARS! and although Japa is no longer in the band...

HIS NEW BAND IS ALSO PLAYING A SHOW THE PREVIOUS WEEKEND! so...

I am going to be in Helsinki between 18 and 28 October :D :D :D Been planning stuff to do (I have an Excel spreadsheet with all the museums and stuff and their entrance costs filterable by location oh god, spent yesterday evening doing that, now all I have to do is put opening days/times in cos I was too frazzled to do it last night) and if I buy a Museum Card which is currently reduced by €11 I can get into everywhere freeeeeee! Thus saving, if I actually go to everywhere on the list (it's a long list) several hundred euros. XD

Also one of the other bands I used to go and see at Trashfest lo these many years ago are finally playing this end of the country (they're from the east midlands and never play down this way) at the beginning of October SUPPORTING A BAND I LOVED IN THE 90S WHO I DIDN'T REALISE WERE BACK!!!

And and AND our local cinema is showing all three EXTENDED EDITIONS OF LOTR this coming weekend and I AM GOING. I cannot WAIT I am going to be sitting on my own in the cinema being an absolute ball of squee it's been OVER TWENTY YEARS since I saw those darlings on the big screen!

AND, just for the hell of it, the 20th anniversary event I'm hosting on here for King Arthur (2004) at the beginning of July is all kicking off! Prompt post and everything else at @ka20th for my beloved little fandom that could (and if anyone wants to prompt me for any of the themes do let me know!)

And my TRSB fic is coming on very nicely indeed. Can't talk about it but it's giving me the opportunity to develop someone I don't usually write as a main character AND throw in a lot of my favourite other characters to write, and the lovely @erathene's art is GLORIOUS. :D :D :D

Right then. Better go to work. Spending the day in the strongroom sorting out some minute books today, which is in fact a further Good Thing. XD

[wannab-urs]

Gin's 2023 sappy post

It's hard for me to believe that at the beginning of this year, I didn't know a single one of my best friends in the world existed. But it's true!

How we got here

I'm not quite sure exactly when I started looking up Pedro Pascal on Tumblr, but it was sometime after February. I'd watched Game of Thrones and Oberyn was my favorite character, but I was in one of my periods of not being on Tumblr (I've had this account for about 10 years, but it's seen many fandoms and I haven't always been active).

I watched the first few episodes of The Last of Us that had come out - I was 3 episodes behind I think - and immediately looked up Joel Miller on Tumblr. How could I not? Anyway, give me ten minutes on this hellsite and a middle aged man with a huge imdb and watch me develop a hyperfixation.

So then I looked up interviews. I watched basically every interview this man ever did, but I remember that the Lie Detector interview and his appearance on the Talk Easy podcast are really what did me in. I went from admiring this man as an actor and thinking he's pretty to basically being in love with him.

Anyways....

I didn't mean to start reading fanfic? I come from the world of Destiel on AO3. I never wrote it, I just read copious amounts of it. I'd never read reader insert, much less straight reader insert, and I'd never written a word of anything even resembling a fanfiction.

But I found @prolix-yuy, @frannyzooey, @joelscruff, @fuckyeahdindjarin, and @ezrasbirdie (check the spreadsheet, y'all are at the very top!) and I was hooked.

Then I read Psychomanteum by @whatsnewalycat and Celestial Navigation by @write-and-buried and was inspired to parade my trauma around in a Dieter shaped trench coat: AGOY was born.

@beskarandblasters is the first person I really talked to on here. In fact, Kel is the one who introduced me to most of my friends on here. And we've been harassing each other on the daily since. I hope to 🦵 her in real life someday soon ❤️. I love you, bitch. You mean the world to me.

I could never ever ever list all of my dear friends I've made on here. Seriously, there are so many of you that mean the world to me. But I'm gonna list a few.

My cannibal crew @pr0ximamidnight and @atinylittlepain, without whom Love as Violence Dave (starving season), Head up his Ass Javi (in the a.m.), and the later editions of loser druggie Dieter (AGOY) would not exist - or at least they wouldn't be as good as they are.

My darling soup snake, the loml, my spider twin, my forever partner in making bitches cry (it's us, we're bitches, making each other cry in an endless loop) @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin. #1 AGOY stan forever, you may love my own magnum opus more than I love it. Thanks for listening to me scream about every pedro boy on the planet and thanks for screaming right back at me. I love you.

The random college student I found by accident, decided to take under my wing, and then was subsequently taken under their wing bc it turns out they have more fandom experience and life advice than I can ever hope to have @idolatrybarbie. Bea, my darling, thanks for always letting me bitch, for showing me fics I never thought I'd be into (The Santa Claus AU Frankie Morales Free Use Kink, anyone) but that I often was into, for encouraging my writing, and for being fucking real with me.

The pedrostories crew, but especially @pedrorascal - I love screaming about Pedro with you at... 2:30 in the morning my time (we love time zones!). Thanks for letting me be a terrible mod for your fic archive blog and never getting mad at me for not doing my job. And for being a wonderful, kind, amazing person all the fucking time.

I'm being so serious when I say I could list at least 20 more people. People who brightened my day with a reblog or a message. Or who wrote a fic I still think about at least once a week. Or who made a gifset that is permanently etched into my brain. People I talked to in discords and most likely trauma dumped on and they listened and they cared and they let me hold their trauma in return. I love you guys so fucking much.

Conclusion

I never could have imagined I'd be a writer and run a fic rec blog at 24. Especially not for Pedro Pascal Characters. But here we are -- and I can honestly say it has been the highlight of my year. And I bought a house this year.

I have so many new friends and a new hobby (I never wrote at all before this) just because I wanted to Fuck That Old Man. Incredible.

[bloopitynoot]

Shadowgast Corporate/Office-Au Rec List!

Hello I'm back again with more disaster wizard (well and in this case working professional but more office-like setting) recommendations!

This list is a little bit more bawdy than normal (I love a good smut fic, but I also try to vary the ratings on these lists for those who may not share my enthusiasm).

If you want to see my other shadowgast rec lists- they are linked at the end of this post. ANYWAYS- let's get into it!

______________________

1 As per my last email

As per my last email (11651 words) by LivThael (I don't think they are on Tumblr- if they do please comment so I can tag- but they have a twitter listed in the notes of the fic) Chapters: 11/11 Rating: Explicit Summary: Essek Thelyss is an asshole with a questionable taste in spreadsheets. Caleb Widogast has more important and certainly more interesting things to do than filing travel expense claims. A series of mails turns into a escalating meeting. Or: Please stop writing me emails, I genuinely hate you. - Explicit content only in chapter 10.

What I loved: Anyone who has worked in an office knows a passive aggressive email when they get one. Plus we have the added bonus of having to deal with accounting to get expenses covered- ugh, so good. The energy of these passive aggressive- yet flirty workplace emails between new hire Caleb and kind-of-an-asshole Essek in accounting is *chefs kiss*. The build up to their meeting was written so well! I also really love the way the fic is formatted- the email style gives it an immersive feel.

_____

2 Paradigm Shift

Paradigm Shift (114,291 words) by full_time_dreamer_behold (I don't know their tumblr, please totally feel free to tag if they have one- i'll add it). Chapters: 28/28 Rating: Teen and up Audiences Summary: Recently moved to Rosohna, Caleb accepts a job at a prestigious law firm, but the work turns out to be menial and dull. Thankfully, his life takes a turn when he makes new friends and starts taking a curious interest in the IT Manager- the handsome and intriguing Essek Thelyss. Could he be reason enough for Caleb to stay in this place? He certainly intends to find out.

A friends-to-idiots-to-lovers slow burn with a sweet ending.

What I loved: This was such a lovely slow burn. It covers hard topics in a corporate kind of setting including racism, nepotism, and power dynamics that really suck but it handled with care and well written. I also really love the disability representation here! This slow burn is so so good, I super recommend! Also bonus it's the length of a beefy novel!

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3 the golden thread around your neck whispered visions of my undoing

the golden thread around your neck whispered visions of my undoing (172812 words) by MarsBar2019 (If you know Mars' tumblr please comment and I will tag- I couldn' find it in the notes). Chapters: 38/? Rating: Explicit Summary: Caleb Widogast does not belong here. The world of sharp suits, board meetings, and billion dollar budgets is a far cry from Caleb’s preferred domain: the research lab. Where nobody cares about his faded T-shirts and raggedy jeans. But a year of industry experience will look good on his CV, and the hefty pay bump wouldn’t hurt either. How hard could a secretary gig be? What he finds behind the glittering edifice of Auriga, Wildemount’s leading name in arcane technology, is CEO Essek Thelyss, who maintains his domain with an acid tongue and an iron fist. It’s difficult not to find him intriguing, this handsome, guarded, brilliant man. It’s even more difficult not to want to please him. Caleb knows to keep it professional, though. Working late nights together at the office and lingering glances here and there don’t cross the boundaries of propriety. That is, until they do.

Or: the one where Essek Thelyss loses focus and has a consensual workplace relationship.

Updates weekly on Mondays.

E-rated chapters: Ch. 4, 9, 13, 14, 17, 18, 22-23, 26, 32, 38

Why I love it: Out of all the recs this one is the SPICIEST (and I love that). Head the warnings - there may be stuff that isn't for you, but if you, like me, enjoy a 6/5 spicy level fic- congrats this one will not disappoint. This story is in progress but updates weekly which is fantastic. We have big time and hot mess CEO Essek and his personal assistant disaster bisexual Caleb- of course it's an HR scandal waiting to happen, but also, Essek might come out a better person for it. I cannot recommend this enough, this fic is so so good. In addition to the smut, it's also just a really fantastic story.

_____

4 sleep, with benefits

sleep, with benefits (62272 words) by KmacKatie @kmackatie Chapters: 12/12 Rating: Explicit Summary: Caleb Widogast wakes up from the first good night of sleep in far too long. It takes him a moment to realise it's because he's not in his bed. Is it the better mattress (lump-free and like a cloud), or the fact he drunkenly slept with Essek Thelyss, the colleague he's been secretly crushing on for the last six months?

Why I loved it: Let me just start off by saying kmackatie is brilliant and everything shadowgast that katie writes makes my heart sing. In this fic Essek and Caleb are captured so well- they are both big idiots who act like scared cats around one another (even though they both want the same thing) but honestly- can there be any other dynamic? This hot mess of them not using their words eventually leads to the best of endings and you should all read it because it is so lovely.

_____

BONUS FIC: (high school teachers, less corporate feel, but not what I would throw on a professor or academia list so its a bonus for this one).

5 all this science i don't understand

all this science i don't understand (8858 words) by mllekurtz @mllekurtz Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Mature Summary: Caleb knew how he was with crushes, he was aware that historically they’ve brought him nothing but trouble, and vowed that he wasn’t going to develop one on his new colleague. This resolution lasted a remarkable twenty-four hours. * Small-town high school science teacher Caleb Widogast has his life more or less figured out, or so he thinks. Then an unexpected variable gets thrown into the equation in the form of the new addition to the teaching staff: the handsome and clever Essek Thelyss.

Why I loved it: This fic was so sweet. I have a soft spot for fics that play with chronology in their story telling and this one does a bit of that. It is a shorter read but honestly that works really well for this love story. Caleb of course falls hard and fast and Essek does not mind at all. Some angst, but they are written so well and so soft, Brilliant <;3

_____________________________

My Other Shadowgast Rec lists:

Shadowgast fics that made me ugly cry

Shadowgast Space Opera-AU list

Shadowgast Bakery/Coffee/Tea Shop-AUs

As usual I devour all fics shadowgast so if there is a rec list you want to read that is tried and true- dm me or leave a comment. I always prefer to use my librarian degree for chaotic neutral purposes so hmu.

[I am totally thinking about doing a Professor/Researcher OR College-AU OR Time is a Weird Soup list next but we shall see!]

[bettsfic]

Hi Betts, what was it like querying your novel? Do you have any advice on finding an agent?

querying agents...is not fun. it's the worst part of the publishing experience because you're on the precipice between "i've finished a manuscript" and "what if there's no one who sees the same merit in it that i do?" it's a very lonely time, and for me anyway, after a while it started to get kind of humiliating.

i initially queried with a novel that needed serious developmental revision that was beyond my capabilities at the time. there were several agents kind enough to give me feedback in that regard but i didn't really know how to implement their suggestions and ended up giving up on the project. i queried with my short story collection instead.

i found my agent through a twitter pitch event called DVpit. by that point i'd queried i think 60 agents and received 10 full MS requests on the novel. i'd queried 15 with the short story collection and didn't receive any response from anyone. i got one like on my DVpit tweet, followed up with that agent, and she read the MS and offered to sign me. i've been very happy with her. although we were unable to sell the short story collection, so we're working on first run revisions of a different novel right now.

i think getting started can be rough, because there's no cohesive database of agents yet, only pieces of databases. from my understanding, a lot of agencies are starting to use QueryTracker, so that might be a good place to start. there's also the #MSWL tag (manuscript wish list). what worked for me was finding one agent on twitter, then clicking through the recommended accounts, checking out agency websites, and finding which agent would be the best fit for my work at that agency. it was kind of a chaotic process and i didn't really know what i was doing.

my biggest tip is that somewhere on the spreadsheet or database where you track your queries, indicate whether a rejection is a rejection from the agent or the agency. for small agencies, they tell you a rejection from one of them is a rejection from all of them, because if you're a good fit for someone else, they'll send over your MS. however with bigger agencies where there are dozens of agents, a rejection from one means that you can query other agents at that agency.

another big tip is to make sure you're ready. i went in half-baked and i really regret that. make sure your manuscript is as far as you can get it, and you're confident enough to send it straight to print if you had to.

i can talk about query letters in a different post but the main things in your query are:

personalize the query to the agent

find good comp titles and use those titles to indicate a gap in the current market that your book fills

don't take risks

that last one may be controversial because i've heard people have had success with gimmicky queries, like writing the letter in the voice of the book's narrator. but unless you're a gimmicky writer, you're not going to sign the right agent with that method. it's important to show you understand the genre of the query letter and you've done your research. the agent you sign will have a huge stake in your work for years or maybe decades; they want to sign someone who is kind, patient, and professional.

once you get an offer, find a way to tactfully figure out the agent's likelihood they'll remain an agent for a long time. i know a lot of good writers who have lost representation because their agent retired, or became an editor, or just straight-up quit. ideally you want to find someone who is really passionate about putting good books in the world.

also, you'll want to find someone who loves the same things about your work that you do, and has the same vision for it. if you write what you feel is literary fiction but they want to market it as YA, that's not a good fit. if their critical feedback is hurtful and insulting instead of solution-oriented, that's also not a good fit.

and lastly, if you're young, say under 30, there are a lot of people who will try to exploit your youth and potential. they will try to overpower you and take your work in directions you don't want it to go. they'll make you feel powerless and bad about yourself. it may be hard, but if you get a big name agent who wants to sign you but they make you feel like shit (manipulation, backhanded compliments, judgments, etc.), it's better to walk away. from my experience this is a rarity, but it's still possible. look for someone who makes you feel understood and proud of your own work, who is excited to work with you, and whose critical feedback inspires your revision and doesn't hurt your feelings.

[aheathen-conceivably]

Hello darlings! 🍂

So a while back someone asked if I’d ever be willing to share my planning document for the story. As I’m currently in the process of extending my in-game year to 6 days I took a moment to redo my template. While it is still blank and spoiler-free, I thought this would be a good time to show you all what it looks like. Of course this includes a long rambling explanation so I’ll leave everything for anyone interested under the cut…

So first and foremost this is just the template that helps me, and may not work for others. I also know some simmers keep a calendar oriented around in-game events like birthdays, weddings, etc.; however, mine is designed to help me translate my writing into orderly in-game shoots as well to see if there’s an imbalance in posts.

To break it down, I use a system where 6 in-game days=one real life year (although this template could be used for any formula). Each of these days is listed under the year and corresponds to a color for easy visual delineation. The pattern then repeats itself each year. Under each day, I have five slots categorized by times of day. This is because I usually have more than one post to shoot on the same day, so I can list them out neatly to the right rather than all in one line. It also gives me a better idea of what time of day/lighting to shoot each scene in.

Moving to the right, you can see that scenes fall into different categories. I mostly use “story posts” which is just the scenes as written in order. “Other events” and “Etc. Posts” are for things like letters (when I will need to load into another household to take photos there) or portraits, lookbooks, etc. All the way to the right is where I tally up the total number of story posts for that year, which helps me identify gaps in the narrative.

When I am ready for a particular arc (as I’m currently in the 1930-1933 arc this already has a completed spreadsheet), I read through the writing that I have and plug each scene into the corresponding year. I can then move some scenes up or down if need be as well as see where I can add scenes. When it’s completed, I can go in game and know exactly what needs to be shot next or if I missed anything. It does take a bit of time to translate my writing into this spreadsheet, but I find it saves me a lot of time and headache in the overall process.

I hope that this wasn’t overly complicated as I know systems/organization techniques often make sense to those who use them but not to others. Feel free to leave any questions in the comments 🥰

[justanotherbirdbrain-blog]

Writing a Geologist/Someone who studies rocks: From a Geologist

Maybe a bit of a personality analysis on myself and everyone I have studied/worked with thus far, but I figured it would be helpful to provide the more common types of geologists, what they might find interesting specifically, and how they are conducting their research. I also wanted to show different sides of geology, because most depictions are of this rugged field geologist who always wants to go outside, when that is only like... 1/3 at most of the geology community.

Anyway! Let's get into it! *Also let me preface that this will be about geologists that have stayed in academia and not a geologist working a 9-5.

*I put bullet points at the bottom for people who don't want to read all of this*

There are probably three MAJOR types of geologists, but of course we are human and our interests lie somewhere on a spectrum. I just wanted to give the 'generic' versions to make it easier for you to write a character.

The first kind of geologist is the field geologist!

I am once again really just yoinking someone's face again, sorry stranger. I feel like this is a great image of someone doing fieldwork. So, what they are using in this image is a 'Brunton Compass'. So what is different and important about this compass compared to others is that it can be used to measure the angle the rocks are sloping, used to measure elevation and a lot of things honestly, but what the man in this image is doing is measuring the angle of these rocks for geologic mapping purposes. A lot of these geologists ask questions like: What did this landscape used to be? How old is this? What lived here during that time? What was the climate/temperature at that time? How has this changed since it was *insert what it used to be* and what changed it?

Some things I have noticed a lot over the years when dealing with field geologists is they can hike... endlessly. They never seem winded going uphill and those boulders that seem dangerous? They are in them. Heights do not seem to scare them at all, in fact nothing scares them. Camping for extended periods of time is one of their favorite things, and ending the day with a beer is kinda their thing. They are some of the friendliest people I have ever met also. Super, golden retriever energy. (of course every once and awhile you will find a mean one though)

Next on this list is the classic lab rat geochemist/petrologist. (I am a geochemist/petrologist in practice so I can say this, though this is less a description of me and more so some of my lab mates, yes I am outing them).

Thank you for your service random strangers! These are a type of person that really care more about the rocks after they are dissolved and run through a machine to give results. Things they love: strong acids (How else will you dissolve a rock), machines that will explode if you turn them on wrong, excel spreadsheets (we actually hate them though). All joking aside, Typically what these people really like about geology is being able to understand the 'life' the rock had. What did this rock used to be? What does this represent? How has this rock changed and evolved through time? With these elemental changes, what does that imply of the process this rock experienced?

You might be thinking to yourself now "how are these different from the questions listed for a field geologist?" and to that I think I would say scale. I think in general a geochemist looks at things that are smaller but can have bigger implications and a field geologist looks at the big picture. Its important to note that most research is always best when these two are working together. And when you think of it that way you can create some fun interactions with these two characters.

Personality wise, I feel like its all over the place, I have met several nice geochemists and bunch of not so nice geochemists. A geochemist will more than likely have a rock collection, but likely it will be of rocks they do not study. They will pull long nights at the lab and I feel like they will always be reading about something they 'just don't quite grasp' while critiquing or complementing the paper. Most geochemists still like to get out of the lab every once and get some fresh air, (they chose to study nature for a reason), but they don't do it enough.

The last kind of geologist is a modeler/geophysicist, these guys! These guys... I don't know a lot of them, I know a couple. So my understanding might be skewed incorrectly. Let me know!

Anyway! Geophysicists can be interested in earthquakes sure, it is important to know what is causing these major disasters, but most of the time (not every geophysicist uses earthquakes, this is just an example) they are interested in what they can learn using earthquakes! which is really so crazy! So, what a geophysicist will do is study how the waves more through the earth, because waves travel at different speeds through different solids and liquids (some waves don't even travel through liquids). Soooo, what are they curious about? The mantle and most importantly, the CORE. Yup, cool stuff. Anyway why did I include modeling in this also? Because using these observations typically you would make a working model to better understand how the system works. Models can also be made for fluid movement in the earth, volcanics, and a ton of other things, but the work is similar to that of a geophysicist. This is very big picture stuff, trying to figure out how the earth works in general. Also the key here is, from my understanding, it is a lot of math and a lot of coding. Which actually means a lot of people from those backgrounds find geology later in life.

Geochemists and geophysicists often work together and could potentially have a very good or very bad relationship.

Personality wise, these guys are always on a computer honestly, sometimes they will be stuck waiting for their model to finish running for days at a time. Just like a geochemist, you will find them outside occasionally, maybe to put in a new system, but more than any other geologist I feel like modelers are exceptionally good at not making their job their hobby. They may do martial arts, art, baking/cooking, owning plants, etc., on the side much more than the other geologists. These people are super smart, but these folks are probably the ones who know the least about like 'generic' geology, as in mineral ID and stuff, but they seem very nice and are typically pretty introverted.

There are many other kinds of geologists, like the geologist who kinda wanted to do marine biology but there were no jobs in marine biology so they study the ocean floor OR they studied paleontology of oceanic critters, so they could backdoor get into marine biology somehow and many others, or geologists who study the surface as it is today, but now lets talk about how all this can be helpful with writing.

I am making a bullet list of things that will apply to your character A=All F=field geologist P=petrologist and geochemist and M=Modeler and Geophysicist

A: It is important to know that one person cannot fill all of these roles as a character, and it is okay for your character to say "that's not my thing, but I have a buddy".

A: Feel free to make your science character have a very specific interest, not only will it probably make it easier for you in terms of research, but it is also more realistic.

F,P: Your character is likely to point out things that your other characters might not notice while walking, especially if they are a geochemist and field geologist. It will just be small comments here and there, like "Oh! Is this basalt?" before they might amuse themselves examining the rocks (It is a good way to get rid of the character)

F,P: There pack will be full of rocks, you will try to pick up their bag, and it will be exceedingly heavy

P,M: You are likely to find them crashing in their lab/office because they worked too late

F: They will drop everything for an excuse to go outside for 'vacation' but they will inevitably do geology the entire trip.

P,M: Probably behind on reading, and probably have a migraine from staring at too many screens.

P: Unsure if their hand is itchy because of dry skin or if they accidentally got acid on their hands (Some acids [HF] don't immediately burn your skin).

M: Always harassed by the scared general public because of a small earthquake that happened where is 'shouldn't have'.

Anyway! If you have anything geology related that you would like me to write about please feel free to ask! I am running out of ideas for my writing guides and am probably going to switch to different content soon!

[literaticat]

Hi Jenn. Some time ago you had a post where you - and I'm paraphrasing - advised people to buy/read 10 or 20 (I think?) current books and really "rip them apart" - i.e. analyze them, study them - to help assist with their own writing/publishing goals, get to know the market, learn from the books what worked to get them published. These weren't the exact words. I've tried using the search function but can't find the post. Could you link to it or maybe give similar advice again please? Thank you.

Sure - I know I gave this advice *someplace* on here, and for sure on twitter, but since that website has gone to the dogs I'll just paste the thread below and save it in the FAQ.

The best advice I have if you want to write for kids is, GO TO THE LIBRARY AND READ 100 BOOKS PUBLISHED IN YOUR CATEGORY IN THE PAST FIVE YEARS. Put your favorites in a special pile and buy your own copies of those so you can write in them. Tear them apart. Why and HOW do they work?

If you do this: CONGRATULATIONS, you just did much of the work for a masters degree without having to pay for it. While you're at it - make a spreadsheet of those 100 books, noting WHO PUBLISHED THEM, and agent/editor if they are listed in the acknowledgements. Note patterns!

If you do THIS step: CONGRATULATIONS, you just got a crash course in publishing and are armed with the knowledge of "who publishes what" that you will need as you begin your querying/publishing journey.

Whenever I give this advice, some folks push back and complain about "having to" read lots of kids books (which, it's the best homework I can IMAGINE doing, and if you don't like reading them, maybe don't WRITE them!), or they think it is a waste of time or I'm being MEAN... I think it can actually SAVE you time flailing in the darkness, and I'm being nice.

But hey, if you don't like it: Ignore me! You don't need to fight me about it. Like... it's free advice and this is a free country. I promise that I don't care what you do or don't do. :-)

PS: I specify "published in the last five years" bc publishing trends change; if you are relying on knowledge of the kids books that were published when YOU were a kid as your main source, you limit yourself. What flew in the 1980s would not fly today, and vice-versa.

PPS: For everyone saying this is advice applicable to any genre or category: I know! But since I’m an expert about children’s books, I’ll speak on children’s books. If I said “all books” I promise there’d be adult book writers hollering at me in the comments and I’m not into it!

PPPS: (And before anyone comes for me: I can call myself an expert about children’s books because I literally AM ONE, after 30+ years in the field. That doesn’t mean I’m better than anyone else or that you have to take my advice. You do you!)

PPPPS: ("But Jennifer how can you have been in children’s books for 30+ years when you can’t be more than 29 years old?!” I hear you say. Haha well, first of all, I started quite young, as a bookseller. And also, there may be a damnéd portrait somewhere, I can say no more!)

/fin

(Somebody followed up after I posted this and asked me to expand on the "tearing books apart" piece - so I did. That's here, clickety click!)

[xx-k4nd1-1n-cyb3rsp4c3-xx]

Hey guys, I know we're all broke but I just found a Palestinian evacuation gofundme created in late April with no donations, so I gave what I could and I want to encourage anyone who can to donate to it too:

I just can't imagine what it must be like to reach out for help like this and get nothing back. So just... even if you can only give very little, give it anyway, because together we can make a difference in this genocide.

I also want to give a list of other gofundmes with very few donations. Lots of people have been able to evacuate thanks to these fund raisers, it really makes a difference. I'll reblog with a few more.

There are also about 800 gofundmes more listed on this Project Olive Branch spreadsheet:

If you can't donate, share. It feels hopeless sometimes but there are many of these from the list that have reached their goals and are safe in Egypt now and we can help even more people. Together we have more power than we know.

[thehomebodydiaries]

homebody diaries .001.

(ft. salem's hand)

i need a fucking car.

i am so tired of paying for and using someone else’s car. i’m grateful that they’re letting me use it. but if i’m gonna keep paying for repairs and gas, i’d like it to be going to my car. i can’t tell you how hard it is to save for a car when i am taking care of someone else’s too.

i did have one, for ten years. drove a firebird as old as me. it sat in the driveway for a year before i finally agreed to sell it. $600. i would’ve demanded more for all the work i’d had done on it, but i mean… who am i kidding? it didn’t run anymore

there’s a “shift bid” at work right now. basically what that means is each person picks three potential shifts out of a list of, like, fifteen possible choices. whoever has the best scores for the month (customer surveys, break adherence, boring call center corporate nonsense, etc.) gets their first, second, or third pick. it’s kind of annoying, because the office is already pretty toxic, and it feels like everyone is looking to see who fucks up first. plus, i’m content with my schedule, i would like to work 10am-7pm (instead of my current 1pm-10pm) but as long as i keep my friday/saturdays off, i’ll be fine.

(note: i would like it to be documented that i here have some unkind things written about some people i know and have opted to leave it out of this online post on the off chance that i become the main protagonist in an alice oseman novel.)

i think my anxiety is getting worse. i think people at work are like… fucking with me. but, like… why would they? i don’t know, i just can’t shake the feeling that everybody wants to see me fail. it’s also getting hard for me to leave the house. i keep thinking about all the horrible things that could happen: the car crashes, the choking hazards, skin cancer, being stalked, etc. my eating is getting pretty bad again too. weed helps more than i thought, but i’m on a bit of a break right now. today is the first day and i’m already buggin’, thinking everyone hates me and my therapist thinks i’m a joke and i’m not worthy of any of my friends and i can’t even finish a cup of noodles or keep up with my own fucking book club.

i’m trying to just focus on my scores at work to think about something else. i write my book in the notepad when  i can. it’s good to have a project. i just wish i didn‘t second guess everyone’s intentions between bouts of inspiration.

anyway. i’m checking shit off of my list as fast as i can, but i’m only one little guy, and i don’t exactly have a lot of help - izzy is such a life saver when he can spare his time to run errands for me though. i’m trying to keep a rewards system going too. i got my second mystery box from the dreamland elf series, and it was the same one i already have. such a bummer, but i’m sure it’ll make someone pretty happy at a thrift store or something.

not much else to say. i’m drinking disaronno and trying to make a budget but i don’t know how spreadsheets work and i’m high and i’m gonna make a link.tree and a sorting quiz for my discord server.

[kenzan-kiwami]

i ought to get better at writing down my thoughts so i actually remember them. anyway, it's kashiwagi time again. strap yourselves in cause this is going to be very long & punctuated with discord screenshots

i've discovered recently that people seem to like it when i lay my thoughts out on him, which is honestly wild to me but here we are. like i say, i'd like to put my ideas somewhere i can actually access them somewhat easily instead of peppered randomly through two or three discord threads and my own tumblr tags, so this post will probably function as my own personal meta archive for him, because i'm allergic to tables and spreadsheets and i don't really want to rely on google drive any more than i am already.

(speaking of google drive, i have a repository here of most of kashiwagi's audio files. refer to the readme document for the reasons it's not all of them for now)

>the basics?

i'll start with his age because that's at the forefront of my mind at the moment. i like to think he's in the ballpark of 10 years older than kiryu and nishiki, which would put him around six years older than majima, two years older than adachi, and 13 years younger than kazama. thusly, with a calculated birth date of around 1958, discounting birth month, he is (approximately):

30 in yakuza 0 (1988)

37 at the start of yakuza 1 (1995)

47 through the rest of yakuza 1, after kiryu gets out on parole (2005)

48 in yakuza 2 (2006)

51 in yakuza 3/when he "dies" (2009) (also goes grey around this time, maybe the year before)

61 in yakuza: like a dragon & gaiden (2019)

66-ish in rgg8 (2024).

(this list has been incredibly helpful to me actually because my original thought was that he was eight years older than the boys... that would put him at the same age as adachi, which i'm not a huge fan of)

next up, sexuality - i think he's (almost) exclusively attracted to other men, with yayoi being an exception that proves the rule.

however, my idealised "ship" "timeline" for him is that he's with kazama until kazama gets naded, then does some FWB shit with majima until he himself "dies", then somewhere down the line after opening the bar ends up in a slow-burning "friend"ship with adachi, because who better to take out for dinner than the strapping old geezer in the glasses who serves you drinks and keeps a watchful eye on your extensive tab?

next, i think he's definitely nd. which is something you can say for most characters in this series in some way, but he has an interesting relationship with food (not just limited to what he eats, but how), is shown infodumping on several occasions, hardly if ever switches up what he wears (at most, colours), flat affect/resting bitch face/autism stare, hires extra staff at his hobby bar so that he doesn't have to speak to his customers as much, and behind his intimidating mask he has this awkward kind of energy that reminds me a lot of my own experiences with being a bit not-normal. he probably has an oral fixation.

also, sort of crack but also not, i enjoy the idea that he's light sensitive (or at least moreso than kiryu is):

>the meat

he is very highly strung - we see this on multiple occasions. he seems visibly less so after "dying" in 2009, so i'm chalking it up to the stress of having to run things as someone who has the right mentality for leadership (the other patriarchs call him "soft" in y3 for trying to resolve conflicts rather than fostering them) but just doesn't enjoy doing it. he does exceptionally well as kazama's number two, but in yakuza 0 while kazama is in jail, and in yakuza 2 after kazama dies and he inherits the family (and clan captainship), he seems very stressed out. i absolutely think that his reputation for lashing out and his "violent" disciplinary methods are due in part to stress shortening his fuse (with the latter also being learned behaviours from kazama - an old school yakuza & assassin). age and the experience of staring death and a CIA attack helicopter in the face also definitely play a part in mellowing him out.

on kazama, i'm shamelessly stealing inoue's reasons for joining the shinsengumi and applying that to kashiwagi, because, while i don't really think of them as the same guy, there is absolutely a reason they chose him specifically as inoue's bakumatsu face claim. i don't have many ideas as to what kashiwagi did before swearing up, but he's a man of debts and undying loyalty, so i believe kazama must have saved him or turned his life around in such a way that he felt he could do nothing but pledge himself to him. i also really enjoy the idea of kazama having given him his scar, but i'm not 100% on how that might have come around either.

to extrapolate even more bullshit headcanon from insignificant canon details, i think in the 80s he was a beginner hobbyist keyboard player. mostly looking at the judgement cinematic where he's not plugged in and playing a little out of sync BUT still doing whatever fucked up fruity little dance he's doing. the presence of the piano at survive makes me think he got a hell of a lot more into it in his newfound free time, as something else to keep his hands mobile as he ages and recovers from getting shot up by a heli. also, still love the little anecdote we get from iroha when she says he's good with his hands.

(related: i think he taught himself to blend traditional medicine for residual chronic pain relief)

>weirdguy momence

in a one-to-one phone conversation with kiryu, his younger brother figure, he calls daigo (with whom he is on a given name basis) 六代目

that moment near the start of y0 where he stares down at kiryu on the street from the family office window

i don't think any of his suits were fitted correctly until kiwami 2 because his jackets ENGLULF him on PS2 & PS3 and he's straight up rectangular in kiwami

fills an empty bottle of high-end whisky with pish to make his bar look more expensive and comes up with an elaborate cover story to stop people from buying it

the way he acts towards his direct authority figures

>i'm ill

using up the last of my image real estate to post some moments where i kind of maybe lost it just a little bit. by my own standards, of course.