#I have no ambition. I just want to make enough money to be able to do the things I care about.

[rahabs]

Being in the law field vs. my absolute refusal to stay at the office later than one hour after five or work until midnight on a file.

[thecameronchronicles]

No Nut November

TW: Masturbation references. Smut. Semi-public sex. Language.

SUMMARY: Partaking in ‘No Nut November’ would prove difficult when you become a bit too needy for him to stay true to his ambition. 

WORD COUNT: 1500

REQUESTED:

Anonymous asked:

Reader x one of the obx guys and him and his friends (so either the other kooks or other pogues) are challenging each other who can go the longest for no nut November and it’s been a few days and you’re being needy so you do everything to tease him until he finally gives in and fucks you

*I WANTED TO CHANGE THIS A BIT TO MAKE IT A BIT MORE INTERESTING…

No Nut November

The odds were stacked against him from the second he agreed to this display of self control; one thing he already wasn’t known for possessing. But by the two week mark, having lasted longer than anyone thought he would, JJ was busting at the proverbial and literal seam of his pants as you only made this worse. Purposely wearing only his shirts and tracing him such ways that if you’d only move slightly north, he’d certainly stain his shorts after denying himself that release for so long. But if there was one thing JJ Maybank was above all else, it was stubborn. Especially when money was on the line. And this was the deal he made with the other pogues. Two hundred dollars for who could last. But you had an ambition all your own. 

“JJ?” You asked as he relaxed in the hammock, trying to think of anything but how his cock throbbed at even just the sound of your voice. He was desperate, but too stubborn to let anyone else have that two hundred dollars. 

“I’m bored…”

“I think Sarah and Kie are-”

“I want to play with you…” You watched his jaw clench and his chest rise in a deep breath. 

“Sweetheart-”

“Please J…I miss you…” He sat on the edge of the hammock, tapping his knee as you knew the invitation well as it was all you had for the last two weeks. But no matter how skilled he was with his fingers or his tongue, you wanted HIM. Because there was nothing like the sensation of his fullness-the closeness. And for that, you were willing to risk appearing desperate or even feral. 

“I want YOU, JJ…”

“Baby, I can’t-” For this, you dropped to your knees, running your hands up his thighs and to his belt as he contracted against you. 

“Is THIS worth more than two hundred dollars? Shit, J, I’ll pay you myself, just fuck me!” 

“Ahem!” John B cleared his voice at your back as you turned to find Pope and Kiara smirking at your desperation. 

“You’re so screwed, J…” Kie commented as he was able to distance himself from you long enough to ignore the temptation you forced on him. 

A few hours later, you were all set around the inner heart of The Chateau. Some conversation of a recent movie spoken between Kiara and John B with passionate standpoints on either end as you could only focus on the fringe of the blanket at the ends of your fingers, unable to meet anyone’s gaze as you were too embarrassed. All because of a stupid deal that made you completely unhinged. And in the attempts he made to warrant a response from you, you would only ignore him, until he tried to pull your legs over him, to which, you’d just pull yourself into his room, slamming the door closed without a care of how this could embarrass him or yourself. 

He waited only a short while before following behind you, finding you in one of his shirts yet again, only now, without a care to use it as a means of seduction. But the second that you would find him wrapping his arms around you, no matter how tempting his embrace had been, you pulled away from him. Or at least tried to before feeling him pull his grip to between your thighs. As you tried to fight him, but found the expert circles and perfect pressure to draw you into more of an agreeable state than what you would have preferred. 

“JJ-”

He silenced you by a hand around your mouth, “You’re gonna want to keep this there…I’m not stopping until you know how sorry I am…And I know how much of a screamer my girl is,especially when I make her squirt…” You groaned into his palm as he was quick to take you to that precipice of that orgasm, only to edge you. 

“JJ, Please…”

“I know what you need…And I know exactly how to give it to you…but you need to give it to me when I’m ready…”

“Please, J…Nobody has to know…Just the tip…Just let me see it-fuck…please…” 

“You really love it that much?” He smirked against your ear as his hand had lowered so you could talk. 

“I need it, J…Please…” You began to rock your ass against him, rubbing and circling him, before his hands stationed at your waist. 

“Then we’re gonna make it worth two hudnred dollars.” He turned you suddenly on your stomach, the excitement of this moment having only been compared to that of your first time together. His hands were quick to undress himself before he would then position your hips up to him. 

“You want it and you’re gonna take it, right sweetheart?”

“Yes, J-I swear to God…”

“Nuh uh…Me. Swear. To. Me.” He ordered as he bent you into such an arch that he could look into your eyes as you nodded. 

“I swear to you, JJ…Whatever you want to do to me, I’m yours…” He smirked.

“Then perk that perfect little ass up for me and bounce it against me exactly how I like it…you know how…And I want you to flick yourself…do it slowly because I want this to last…” You nodded. “And you don’t get to come until I say.”

“Yes, JJ…”

“Goooood girl…” He purred, his cock suddenly inside of you as you whimpered. 

“Yes…” You grunted. “YES-” You spoke again behind tear eyes and clenched teeth. 

“You gonna make it worth it for me?”

“Yes…”

“Then why the fuck aren’t you moving?” You began to move forward, allowing his cock to find the familiarity of your inner walls clenching around him. With a hand to the bend of your neck, he held you in guidance to slow your desperate thrusts before you were left solely to his motions and the white knuckled grip into your shoulder. 

“J Please…it’s-”

“Don’t you dare complain. I’ve waited two weeks without doing as much as stroking and you’ve been walking around making it worse…wearing my shirts with no panties-yeah I noticed…” He paused to set a smack to your ass, “Bending over and moaning…on your knees and looking up at me like you know drives me crazy…So YOU don’t get to complain.” But as he spoke these words, he would take pity on you as he had been relentless, minutes fading into an hour and beyond as he’d break long enough to prolong his own release. All the while, edging you and spouting those dirty words that kept you ready for him without aggression reaching to the forefront. 

“JJ…”

“Turn over.” He finally allowed you a reprieve before you obeyed, his hands quick to pull his shirt from your torso as he was quick to attack each breast. Your fingers ran through his hair but were quickly set over your head. 

“You’ve done enough…I know you’ve had to wait too…So you’re gonna come,” He was silenced by his own motions, wincing at the reinsertion of his cock to your welcoming sex, “With me…It’s only fair-”

“Please, JJ…”

“Fuck…I missed those whines…Ke-k-keep whining for me…shit…” He grunted, head folded into your shoulder as you dug your nails into his arms, his muscles contracting to each movement, before his paces grwe to that familiar speed of a near climax. 

“You can stop and still win, J-” You reminded him. 

“Not a fucking chance in hell. You wanted it…you’re gonna get it. All. OF. IT!” He clenched, battering into you, finger rushing across your clit as you would squirt,allowing him the perfect slick to pound his final desperate movements into you before then falling at your side, breathless, pullingyo in to him. 

“To be honest…I can’t believe I lasted THIS long…” He confessed as you nodded. 

“I’m sorry, JJ…For being desperate-”

“I’m not.” You looked up at him, his hand softly tracing your jaw. 

“Because it means that you have 200 reasons to make it up to me.”

“200-orgasms?!” He nodded. 

“Before the end of November-” Your eyes widened. 

“That’s like five a day, J!”

“And this was one…” He winked. “Now do whatever you have to, get some water-shower,although that’s redundant…because when I come back…I’m using that perfect…dirty…little mouth…” You were left in awe as he moved back into the crux of The Chateau, applause awaiting him. 

“Guess you missed out, JJ…” Pope teased. 

“You can gladly have it. Because after that last dollar is spent, I’ll still get to have sex…” He teased as you blushed when hearing him speak in regards to you. But you couldn’t help the fact he was right…

Taglist: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @obxxrxfes @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @rafesbae @pankhoeforlife @pankowperfection

[filynxs]

౨ৎ⋆˚｡⋆ You Don‘t Own Me.

Part 2

⚝ Satoru Gojo is a model agent who found you, a beautiful young lady who has nothing to loose. You accepted his irresistible offer to model for his agency, and you will do anything he wants to earn money. Part 1: here

⚝ Satoru Gojo x fem!reader

⚝ sexual content; 18+; tease

» [Searing - Imaginary Ambition] «

0:00 ─〇───── 0:00

⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

"This is where you are weak, right?" Gojo purrs into your ear as he slides his finger over your womanhood, hitting your sweetest spot with his fingertips.

You arch your back in reply, and a needy moan escapes you.

Little did you know that you would end up in Satoru Gojo‘s bed after your first photoshoot. But here you are, lying below him without any clothes on. Your legs are spread wide for him, and your pussy is dripping wetness.

He has been teasing you the entire time, making you come several times just by using his fingers on you. You are dripping wet, but he won‘t give you his cock just yet.

"Yeah," he breaths, pressing himself against you, "I have noticed that you like it when I touch you there."

Your clit is swollen, throbbing against his fingers as he gently caresses it. The way how he plays with that one spot makes you go crazy, and a searing heat forms in your core that flows through your body.

Shallowly breathing, you grind yourself against his hand, and he lets out a soft chuckle. He loves the sight of you trying to come, and he knows that only a few caresses are needed to make you do so.

But then, he pulls his hand away from your eager pussy, and you look at him in confusion. He simply grins at you before grabbing something out of his nightstand.

Your heart beats faster as you see that he has something big in his hand. However, you can‘t see what it is. Seconds pass in which you await something to happen. Seconds in which a heavy and steamy silence lies in the air.

Sliding his index finger over your slick folds, he makes you gasp in reply. His touch sends a pleasant shiver down your spine.

"Good girl," he whispers while his eyes stay focused on your pussy, making you feel even more aroused. The way how his hungry gaze eats you up lets a heat wash through your veins, "you‘re wet enough."

"Are you going to fuck me now?" you ask him, your voice being barely above a tiny whisper. Shakiness lies in your voice as you speak to him.

Without answering he thrusts something into your wet walls. So this is what he grabbed from his nightstand. You feel the cold silicone deep inside you, filling up every tiny inch of your hole. A little moan escapes your lips.

"Not yet." he says sensually, brushing his lips down your stomach while keeping that thing inside you. Kissing every spot his lips come across, he finally reaches your clit that throbs against his tongue.

Flicking his tongue over it, he chuckles against it after making you squirm. The feeling of his actions sends electricity through your whole body.

What shocks you most, though, is what he is doing next. He turns on the vibrator he has kept inside your walls, and you groan in pleasure as the vibrators caresses your inside. Burying your hand in his fluffy, white hair, you move your hips against his tongue and the vibrator that stays inside you.

"Feels good?" Gojo asks with a cheeky grin before beginning to suck on your clit. He holds you on your hips as he keeps his face between your trembling legs.

You eagerly nod in response, not being able to form any proper sentences anymore. The only thing you can think about is the pleasure you feel. Heavy breaths escape your mouth, and you can‘t help but let out noises of delight.

As you look down you see that he is keeping his shiny blue eyes on yours the entire time, watching you react to what he is doing to you. The way how he is looking at you seems like he is asking you "Do you feel what I‘m doing to you?" and this sight turns you on even more. It makes your thoughts go wilder.

The heat that is burning inside your core bursts into glowing flames and the urge to come is strong. And he can sense that only a few more caresses are needed to get you to come.

Thus he gently begins to move the vibrator in and out of you, while sucking on your clit with his skilled mouth. His thrusts become harder and faster, and your grip into his hair tightens.

You arch your back like a kitten, pressing your crotch against him as you lay your legs down onto his shoulders.

It‘s not clear to you if you have ever felt like this. The way how he plays with you drives you insane until it pushes you to the limit of delight, causing you to groan in ecstasy as you come. You come hard, squirting all over his mouth and coating the buzzing vibrator inside you.

A loud "Fuck!" escapes you the moment you reach the peak of pleasure, and you pant and gasp for air. You can feel your heart racing in your chest, pumping the arousal through your veins.

You look down at Gojo, who now easily pulls the vibrator out of you after turning it off. Because you are so wet, it slides out of your pussy with ease. Biting your lip, you study his amused as well as excited expression as he seductively licks your sweet nectar off his lips. He gazes right back at you while doing so, and a grin plays on his face.

"You taste so sweet." he exclaims with a dirty and soft chuckle, licking your cum off his fingers as well.

Blood rushes into your cheeks, causing them to dye in a cute pink. Sweat is apparent on your forehead, showing just how much you like this.

Sliding your finger over your wetness, you lick it off it, tasting yourself in your mouth. You nod in reply, and flash him a small smile. He looks at you with surprise in his eyes and an excited grin on his lips. The sight of you doing so causes his cock to twitch in arousal, if it didn‘t already.

He moves up to your face, his nose touching yours. His breath brushes your hot cheeks, and causes a shiver to run down your spine. You two are catching your breath, just looking into each other‘s eyes in lust.

His lips then catch yours in a searing and eager kiss, your tongue dancing together with his. You can taste yourself on his lips, which causes your heart to race even faster.

With his hand he gropes your soft breast tenderly, gently caressing it with his fingers that softly pull on your hard nipple. You can feel the tip of his cock poking your entrance, thus your legs tremble in excitement as you are eagerly awaiting his entire length deep inside you.

"Y/N," he moans against your lips during the intense kiss which grows even wilder and hotter, "I wanna take you from behind."

Your kiss is filled with lust and excitement, and it seems like you are both not able to contain yourself anymore. You want to devour each other, taste every single drop.

As you separate, not much time passes until you lie on your stomach, stretching your round butt out to him. You prop your arms on the mattress, but Gojo immediately guides your upper body down onto the mattress again.

"Face down, ass up." he simply says, letting his hands wander over your back until reaching your ass. Your skin feels so soft to his fingers, as if he is touching a cloud.

Your cum drips down from your pussy that is entirely exposed to his hungry gaze.

He slides his finger over your folds, gently spreading them apart to test just how ready you are. And you are damn ready. You were ready the whole time, and now that he is right behind you, you bite your lower lip in excitement.

Rubbing your nectar onto his whole length, he proceeds to press himself against you, letting his tip enter your walls. You both gasp at the feeling, thus Gojo continues to thrust himself further into your wet warmth.

The way how your pussy wraps around his cock drives him crazy, and you can hear him groaning softly as he starts to move inside you. His moans sound like music to your ears, pairing with yours and sounding like a melody together.

You grip into the bedsheets as he moves faster, thrusting in and out of you with an increasing pace. He slides into your pussy with such an ease because of your wetness that drips down onto his cock, hugging him.

His fingers dig into your skin, and his hips slam against your asscheeks, creating a wet sound that echoes in his large bedroom.

"Your pussy feels amazing." he grunts, caressing your back with one hand that slides up to the back of your neck, gently squeezing it, "What a good girl you are."

A heat takes over your core, and you rub your clit as you feel yourself coming closer to your climax. The vibrator or his fingers have been pleasing you already, but his cock is on another dimension. His thick shaft which he buries deep inside you brings you to higher levels of delight which you could never experience yet.

This feeling of delight is what you reach, and your entire body shudders as you come all over his cock, your warm liquid coating his shaft. The sight and the feeling of you coming onto his cock makes him groan in pleasure, and he reaches the peak of satisfaction after a few more thrusts into you. His warm seed fills every tiny inch of you up.

He moans in delight, his hips jerking against your ass as he rides out his intense orgasm. His hands stroke your soft butt, tenderly caressing it as he slows down his movements. Gently pulling out of your tightened walls, he muses how his cum is leaking out of you. He grins, his pant escaping his parted lips.

You look over your shoulder back at him, gasping for air. The sight of it makes him crazy, and his cock twitches in eagerness.

Turning around on the mattress and kneeling in front of him, you gaze up at him and bite your lip. Your hand wanders to his semi hard cock, caressing its wet and soft skin.

"Now it‘s my turn to make you come."

[elysiansparadise]

What aspects and planetary placements show someone working for themselves, like a freelancer or being their own boss? Thank you Elysian!

Being your own boss

🟫Taurus placements. It may be a bit underrated in my opinion, but those who have Taurus placements may have excellent business skills, which can lead to successful self-employment or entrepreneurship. They have tenacity, perseverance, some intuition for the proper management of money and an ability to invest wisely. They are not given enough credit for how independent and professional they can be.

🟫Capricorn and Aquarius Rising. Both risings ruled by Saturn, gives them that mixture of skill, ambitious mind and most importantly, the need to want to achieve something big on their own. From a young age, the importance of doing things on their own and not relying on anyone reaches them. They stand out for their ability to go far and make their ambition the partner that leads them to success. They may have difficulties with authorities from an early age, which further motivates them to achieve things for themselves.

🟫Uranus in the 6th house or 10th house. One of the most common descriptions for either of these two Uranus positions by both experienced astrologers and those just starting out is that the natives may prefer to start working on their own, making their ideas a project that they actively work on. In the case of having their own business, they can leave a mark on it or do something that stands out from other jobs.

🟫Aquarius in the 6th house or 10th house. Similar to the case of its modern ruler, Aquarius stands out for its independence. Its position in the houses of work gives the individual an entrepreneurial personality in the workplace, someone who is not afraid to experiment, who in some cases takes risks and who has a unique style when it comes to working. They seek your comfort, but that does not mean that they will work less, rather that they will do it in their own way.

🟫Aries in the 6th house or 10th house. They are not afraid of taking risks in their work, showing their faces is not a problem either, and they trust themselves a lot to make crucial decisions. I don't think people often mention how creative they can be in their work, but what we can all agree on is their drive and the enormous amount and dedication they put into their work. They like to do what they like and may dislike overly authoritarian or bossy figures. What better than showing that you can do something great on your own?

🟫Mars-Uranus-Saturn grand trine or aspecting each other. It can be very specific, but it makes sense. Saturn also rules work, Uranus independence and Mars is conviction and action. I believe that a person whose Mars, Uranus and Saturn all positively aspect each other can have this entrepreneurial spirit.

🟫Cardinal Mars [Aries, Cancer, Libra or Capricorn]. Without a doubt, a cardinal Mars stands out a lot for their ambition, their tenacity and their ability to succeed independently, which in turn leads them to be excellent leaders. They don't mind making important decisions and can be very attracted to high positions [it can vary if the person is Mutable dominant]. They are not afraid to undertake on their own.

🟫Mars in the 10th house. They were able to learn to achieve what they want on their own, not to depend on anyone and to test themselves based on the things they are capable of achieving. They are very ambitious people who want to go far, they trust in their abilities and if they have a project in mind, they are persevering enough to make it a reality, even if people do not agree or "they do not have the necessary support". They know that the only support they need is theirs and they know how to go far on their own.

🟫Mars-Saturn hard aspects. It is very likely that these natives have some difficulties or little understanding with authority figures and that leads them to think about not working for anyone or undertaking something on their own. Differences and arguments with authority figures can be quite high with these planets in tension.

🟫Sun-Uranus hard aspects. Similar to the previous one, this has been common in people I know who usually have problems or very marked differences with authority figures, this is because in some way they can easily feel limited by them [it can be creatively or in any area that involves expressing themselves]. or do things your way]. They are independent people who may prefer to take care of their own affairs.

🟫Air Suns + Taurus/2nd house placements. In this case, Taurus energy causes this restless energy to become grounded in some way. Good mind for business, because he mixes creativity with analysis. I have particularly noticed that Gemini + Taurus energy makes people who do not want to work for others and on their own can bring excellent businesses to life.

[gabessquishytum]

When Hob married Dream he allowed the Endless Family protocol machine to get in his head -- he's just a guy and he never ever wanted to be an embarrassment to Dream or be the reason that his various ambitions were thwarted. So he toned down his personality and stifled his need to always be with Dream. He buttoned up and quieted his light & individuality.

Hob is miserable and desperately missing Dream; Dream figures this is what always happens, once a person is with him for a while, they change and don't seem to want to be with him anymore. Dream had hoped Hob was different; he loves Hob so much, that he'll take what he can get.

Hob knows he needs to talk to Dream, tell him what's going on,,,,but he's turned so cold and his parents have all these expectations. Hob is so scared he's losing him.

Hob is somehow able to shakeoff his family minders and have a long meal/bitch/how are you session with his best friend Joanna. She metaphorically (literally, it's literally -- it's Joanna) kicks him in the ass for letting the Endless family mess with him and make him less the man that Dream married. She convinces him that he needs to talk to Dream and not let it wait any longer.

Dream had been dreading this, he thought he would have more time with Hob,,,,but Hob finally said they had to talk. Dream wanted to put it off for as long as possible,,,but he had to face Hob and the end.

When Hob tells him whats going on, after he absorbs Hob not wanting to divorce him, Dream is horrified. Dream never wants to lose Hob, so they start talking solutions to the mess Dream's (horrible) family put them in.

AHHH just imagine how angry and sad Dream would feel knowing that his husband has basically been made to feel small and diminished and not good enough by his family!!! Dream just loves Hob so much and he wants to sweep him up and hold him and protect him from all that. He's so mad at himself for not realising why Hob has seemed so different recently. And Hob is probably mad at himself for not communicating better.

I really like the idea of Dream sweeping Hob off his feet and just taking him away for a nice, long holiday where they can talk and reconnect. Hob can maybe express that all he really wants is more time with Dream. He knows he's clingy and maybe a bit much, and he knows that Dream has family and work commitments, but he just wants that special time with his husband. And Dream??? Oh he is thrilled!! That's all he wants too!! He wants to feel that connection he had with Hob from the very beginning.

Maybe Dream ends up going no contact with the family members who have contributed to the whole mess. Maybe they move away entirely, start a new life somewhere else with less money, but more love between them. Either way Dream is taking Hob by the shoulders, gently shaking him and saying "you do not and never could embarrass me, i chose YOU and i love YOU" and Hob is maybe crying a bit but it doesn't matter because his husband is kissing the tears away <3

[sindri42]

What is capitalism if private ownership and monopolization are out

This is about the insulin thing, right? Let me walk you through the steps.

The current situation is, there are three big corporations making insulin. They make it for super cheap, like $2 a dose or something including packaging and distribution and all that jazz, but they know that people need this stuff in order to not die, so there's no reason to restrain themselves as far as pricing goes. So they sell the stuff for like $500 a vial, earning a tidy 25,000% profit, because what are customers gonna do, not buy it?

In a capitalist system, this is a huge opportunity for anybody with a few thousand in seed money and a smidge of ambition. The process of making insulin is hardly a secret. I might not have the economy of scale going and I need a big up-front investment for equipment, but even if it costs me five times as much per dose to produce the stuff, that's still less than 2% of the current market price. So I start making and distributing the stuff for $10 a vial, and selling it for $400, and all the customers see that they can get the same product for $100 less so they stop buying from those three big companies and start buying from my startup. Then a month later, somebody else comes along with the same idea but undercuts me, and I lose all my customers to sombody willing to sell the stuff for $350, but that's fine I just change all my labels to sell for $300 and they come rushing back, and I'm still making $290 pure profit on every vial. Fast forward a couple years, and the market price of insulin is like, $12 a vial tops, because if you try to get profit margins any bigger than that you're the most expensive option and nobody buys from you. There was never any altruism involved in that process, no magic, no glorious savior who figured out a way to impose their will upon the world in order to save lives, just ordinary greedy humans fighting each other to make more money for themselves, but the end result is that the people who need this stuff to survive get it for a tiny fraction of what they used to be paying.

In the system that we're actually using, the three big corporations go to the government with three big suitcases full of cash, and the government passes a law that says anybody who tries to make insulin who isn't one of the three big corporations goes directly to prison forever. All the competition vanishes, and without the risk of somebody selling the same product for less they're able to keep raising the price as much as they want. I mean, if you get up to the point where the majority of your customers literally can't buy it anymore and they die then you have fewer customers, so going up into the millions per vial would be counterproductive, but as long as the majority of people who need insulin can just barely scrape together enough, you maximize your profits. And all it costs is widespread human suffering and a few surprisingly affordable bribes.

And then here's the really funny part: the corporations that benefit most from government interference in the market? They're the ones that fund all the media that convinces kids that the solution to all their problems is to give the government even more control over every aspect of life. They're the ones who pushed the narrative that 'libertarian' is synonymous with 'pedophile'. They're the ones who bury stories about corrupt politicians so you never question how a congressman can have a salary under $200,000 a year, go into the position with a net worth of a million dollars, and come out eight years later as a billionaire. Almost every "anti-capitalist" movement out there, if you follow the chain of evidence back, is funded directly by the corporations it claims to oppose, because shifting the balance of power further away from the individual and more toward the State means more profit for the people who are in a position to manipulate the state.

Now, this isn't to say that a free market is without problems. If there was zero regulation of the production of insulin, then a particularly unethical person could undercut the legitimate sources by making a loose approximation of the product people need for much cheaper by using dangerous or ineffective methods, and then sell it at prices that legitimate manufacturers can't compete with because the purchase price is lower than the manufacturing price. Which means that when you buy insulin, you would need to do your own research into who's got a reputation for quality, and there would be people who straight up die because they decided to go for the $4-6 "insulin" instead of the $12-15 insulin. But I'm pretty sure that would still be better than the only option being $500.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

one thing that's been percolating in my mind about mina and her relationship to women's history this time through is that like... it can be tempting (for me too!) from a contemporary perspective to kind of think as "traditional" and "progressive" as opposite sides of a spectrum upon which women can be linearly placed in terms of their beliefs. but it's a little more complicated than that, obviously. mina i think can be a little jarring to the modern reader because she is as a person obviously so independent, bright, curious, and hard-working, but her vocational ambitions as expressed in the text are limited to supporting her future husband, and i think there can be a tendency to sort of slot her as like, "ok, well, she's a little bit progressive, but not that far along," or whatever, and there's, again, a lot we can do to unpack that, but for me there are two things that have been coming up for me revisiting the topic on my second time through (disclaimer: i'm an idiot with a blog who doesn't know anything about anything & if any actual experts want to weigh in please do! also if anyone has any accessible readings on the new woman please do @ me because that phrase is it turns out fucking ungoogleable):

(1) i think it's important to remember that for all human beings on earth ever, there's not a simple unidirectional relationship between internal beliefs and external action/reality, nor do beliefs come out of nowhere or out of some ether from which we pluck ideas out of pure abstraction. a lot of looking at women's history is looking at how women chose to navigate the options available to them, which both inform ideology and also make it frankly sometimes just not that important. a book that really powerfully shaped the way i think about this stuff is kathy peiss's cheap amusements: working women and leisure in turn of the century new york. the way she explores her source material for that space and time really brought home to me that it's very difficult as a woman who came of age (for example) in the US after second wave feminism to really understand just how beside the point the question of "what do i as an individual believe about women's role in society" was for (as just one example) many women in that location, class, and period. it just doesn't matter compared to things like being able to pay your rent, or being able to afford a night out once in a while - which might mean letting a guy pay your way not because you think it's "the man's job" but because you don't make enough to go out with your own money ever - so maybe you do think it's the man's job but it's not because of some like disembodied attachment to traditional gender roles, it's because the men are the ones with the fucking money!

anyway. different place, different class position, slightly later period, but the general principles from that book have really stayed with me and have been echoing thinking about mina. like: how much does an assistant schoolmistress in 1890s london make? i'm not an expert but willing to bet it's not a lot? she's an orphan, actively aware that she and jonathan have only what they can cobble together. if she remains in the professional world after her marriage, who does the labor of running a two-person household - something we here on tumblr complain in 2023 is difficult if everyone has a full-time job, and which was much more difficult with more than a century's progress in domestic technology still to go (and this isn't getting into childrearing). would their combined incomes be enough to afford a domestic servant? idk shit about the economic position of late victorian women so these are not questions i am presenting as having ostensibly "obvious" answers - i really don't know. but i think these are things that are worth considering when we think about mina, her ambitions, & her relationship to shifting cultural currents (which were really shifting quite quickly - the "new woman" was such a recent coinage at the book's publication that if you assume, for example, that the epilogue is meant to take place in its publication year, the events of the novel precede its first appearance in print), and i think it's just never really quite as simple as "well this is what she Believed." our world makes our beliefs at least as much as the other way around.

(2) the other thing that's been in my head is that in a more contemporary framework of how gender operates, it is easy to assume the dichotomy of technology/science/jobs/boy stuff vs. domesticity/home/housewife/girl stuff extends backwards throughout time forever. but, first off, domestic labor is labor and mina is still very much looking ahead at a life of working full time - just not at getting paid. but secondly, homemaking was one of many things getting brought under the umbrella of "science" in the late 19th century (along with, to name examples from the book, psychology and criminology). like a lot of things in my brain the "scientific housewife" is something i vaguely remember hearing about in some college class or book but don't have any ready cites for, but while googling last night i found this very cool recent article [linked below because the app will not fucking let me make a text link] that looks at the evolution of instruction in science, housework, and domestic science at two english day schools for girls in the late victorian/early edwardian (the kind of school i think mina may have attended and taught at, as i don't believe we're ever given much detail about her place of work), and which provides some background info on the idea of the "scientific housewife":

Scholars have since recognised that the middle-class home was “the locus of back-breaking toil” Domestic servants were not as prevalent as once thought, and in some cases it was common for mistresses to work alongside them. The average middle-class woman would likely have been at least partially a housewife, or, in other words, she would have undertaken some domestic labour herself. In contemporary culture, a link was also being forged between housework and science; historians have charted the ideology of “scientific housewifery” or “scientific motherhood”, which encouraged women to embrace science, medicine, and technology in the nineteenth century, to enhance domestic life and make it more efficient, more enjoyable, easier, and healthier for the family. Work by Judy Giles and Joanne Hollows has suggested that ideals of a modern, scientific housewife emerged in the first half of the twentieth century with the decline of domestic service. Given that many middle-class women would have been undertaking housework themselves in the nineteenth century, this article asserts that the cultural construction of the scientific housewife existed before the decline of domestic service. This article builds on the work of Nakagomi by considering the place of domestic subjects and science in schools as a window into a broader societal conceptualisation of housework and the housewife.

one interesting thing in this article is that the two schools profiled actually had strong differences in how they conceptualized and approached their domestic programming, which reminds us that big-picture ideals are always being navigated, redefined, and contested in practice. it also emphasizes that for at least some teachers and schools for girls, the teaching of science was considered an important part of the intellectual development of the students - a position, fascinatingly, NOT taken by comparable boys' schools of the period, which tended to marginalized science education in favor of the classics, which was a wonderful little reminder for me about just how incredibly fake gender is. but also i think this article (which identifies some shifts happenings in the 1890s, like really this novel came out at The fulcrum point of the culture) helps us consider that the seriousness with which mina takes her future home-making as a vocation can be read as part and parcel of the novel's fascination with modernity, technology, science, and progress - and indeed given the moral panic about lazy mothering the article mentions as arising in the press a few years later it even lets us consider that mina's status as a female victorian ideal and her temperament of someone deeply pro-science may not have appeared to be in as much tension as we might assume.

[torao-chan]

So going back and forth about Leander I was wondering how quick you caught on to his scheming. Because I first I didn’t like him but I didn’t really have a reason why I just didn’t. But upon rereading his dialogue I was like hmmmmm

Oh man, I clicked like. maybe three lines in.

I have what my friend affectionately dubs an 'evil-dar'. I may not be able to tell you exactly why someone's fucked up, but if I see them and I immediately like them- they fucked up.

Probably, I think the earliest sign for me, was the emphasis on performing.

A pair of gilded boots stride across the tabletop. "Seriously, you dogs? Again?" Scattered laughter and cheers rise from the audience. I drag my eyes upwards... a well-dressed man stand on the table in front of me, his broad shoulder framed by the thick lapels of a trench coat. "This really is the last time, alright?" This time, when he speaks, the audience falls silent, as though bewitched by his magnetic presence or rich, low voice. But nothing is as captivating as his smile. He beams at the crowd around him, a performer on his makeshift stage. "Don't blink, or you'll miss it."

These were the bits the immediately drew me in, the bolded bits. And it's the bolded, italicized bits that immediately made me go 'he's hiding something, and it's horrific, and I want to know more.'

Gilded boots in a downtown pub; carefully designed, likely expensive in taste, and yet he's in the slums- the place where people pull a face when you mention going there. It doesn't say cheaply gilded, or with a fancy design- it's just gilded. It's intentionally not giving us much, but telling us something important- this is a man who is conscious of his appearance. Of how he looks, how he presents, right down to the design on his boot. And he cares enough to throw money at it. If it was just from his upbringing, he wouldn't maintain them, wouldn't still have them today. We don't have a word describing how put together the boots are, how well maintained, but we do immediately get told that he's a performer. It's highly likely that they are chosen and maintained intentionally.

"This really is the last time, alright?" is tasty tasty to me. How will this be inflected, when voiced properly? Is this an establishment of boundaries, from a man placating his pack of puppies? A certain firmness there, that indicates that his word is law here; he's not joking this time? Or is it a man caving to the pleads of his people, throwing them another bone to keep them satisfied in between working on other schemes? Either way, this is a man who has power and is prone to indulging people; and indulging them in a way that indicates he is above them. Whether intentionally or not, consciously or not, this is the stance it takes- to me, at least.

The audience is bewitched by him, the mage. His charisma is high, he's generally liked and adored, and that means he's a man who can get away with a lot of shit. He can work a crowd, appeal to masses and individuals as one, and makes them all feel special- whether they're all together or by themselves. This gets emphasized a lot later, too, and in a lot of his profiles and lil details, but this is when I knew that. He knows how to work a person, and that usually comes from trauma or social ambition, and either way- I'm interested and hungry.

The fact that they outright state he's "a performer on his makeshift stage" makes me so ravenous alksjgldsjgl. The table is his stage, the pub is his stage, heck! The whole town is his stage and he's performing nonstop the entire time we interact with him. Fake or real, undecided- but performing nonetheless. A performance doesn't have to be dishonest, but it is intentional. And intentional means that there's a goal to be achieved- grand or otherwise.

And then there's the warning.

Three lines in (damn, I was right- literally three lines of dialogue from him).

"Don't blink, or you'll miss it."

Such an enticing statement, always. It's so easy to miss, his flashes of soul under the performance. The moment in the pub, later, when he's content to leave the chaos to reign until the player turns to him for help (and then he sighs, like he didn't want to, wasn't planning to, but who was he to let down a new audience member?). The moment of flat on his face, when you refuse his hand, and he grabs you anyway, determined to pull you into his web, into his puppet show. You could be a valuable piece- a fresh pawn off the woodcarver's table, and unblemished, yet, by the rest of the city. The moment when he looses his composure slightly, unaware to what extent Kuras had seen you during your examination.

There's so much there that sold him to me immediately as a favourite, as a schemer, as someone to watch out for because they've always got a knife three inches from your back, and that is super attractive, but man.

Yea, three lines of dialogue in, and I knew.

As my friend said, I have an 'evil-dar'. asdlkjlgsjg if I like the character, she knows 9/10 times, they're definitely fucked up in some way aslkjdklgsdg

[igotanidea]

Date gone wrong : Jason Todd x plussize!fem!reader pt 1

@jasontoddsthickbabe - here you go :D

summary: being bigger girl is not always easy. Especially when it comes to the dating and relationships. However, they say that there are plenty fish in the sea, so maybe some people are just to stubborn to realise they are looking in all the wrong places,

This can be read as a story preceding to my other plussize!fem ff: Beneath and Snickers and Hoodies

Warning: mention of past trauma and eating disorder.

Clarification: I have nothing against make-up, dresses, woman's magazines and girls who are feminine. I'm just creating reader as more of a tomboy, because I seriously believe we need more representation of such.

***

„What are you doing?”

„Thinking.”

„You sure you are not worrying?”

“Yes, Dick, I am pretty sure I am not.”

“You got that face you know. “

“What face?”

“The face you do when you are worried” he grinned, making her roll her eyes

“You are unbelievable….”

“I know. Now come on, if there’s anything you want to share with your best friend….”

“On second thought there may be one thing.” She tapped her chin “and you may be right , I may want to share with my best friend.”

“Well then….”

“I’m gonna go find Tim. Have you seen him around?”

“That is so not fair!” Dick rushed right after her, not wanting to miss any of the gossip that she may tell Tim. After all, he was the oldest brother, and her oldest friend, it was his dutyto take care of Y/N.

***

Before Y/N started working in tech department of Gotham’s press and met Dick, she was a freelancer for a woman’s magazine. Now, thinking back it was the worst time of her life. She was never really interested in all those articles like  “12 make up tricks to make your eyes look bigger” or “10 ways to make a man fall for you” Ugh! This was just too objectifying – was it really the purpose of a girl to play pretend just to catch attention?  But she was newly graduated and needed money to keep herself afloat, so the best option to have any income was to adjust to the realities. And that meant accepting the open slot and cut down on her ambition. Just a bit and just for the time being.

“One year” she was telling herself “you have to stick here one year, get a name for yourself and then you will be able to choose any other newspaper to work for.”

Biting the bullet she was writing all those silly news and gossips, counting the days to the desired promotion and submitting to the wishes and whims of her boss. The editor was not the person to discuss with, she always knew better what would turn out to be popular, and when one day she called Y/N into her office, the girl knew there was a task for her. Arguably the one she would not like.

“I’m sorry, boss, you want me to do what?”  she raised an eyebrow involuntarily, but quickly realized it was not professional. She was the newbie, with no power to bargain, treated rather like a coffee delivery and courier than a real journalist. If she was to act even a bit too cocky with the boss that would end with her on the street.

“I’m pretty sure you heard me the first time, but I’ll repeat it for you. I need you to go to ten different dates with ten different boys found on dating app and write a reporting on it. “

“But….”

“No buts.” The boss cut her off “you got two weeks and I want to see it on my desk.”

“Two weeks?” that would mean she would be forced to go out almost every night “But…..”

“You can go now, Y/n. Good luck.”

This was like a nightmare coming alive. Y/N did not have good experiences with men or with dates or with that whole relationship stuff. Maybe it was partially because of her childhood issues. She never felt wanted or accepted for who she was. Her father practically did not care about her, only willing to acknowledge her presence when he was in need of help or feeling lonely enough to settle for her in the absence of someone better. Not exactly a role model. Y/N did not have any male friends in school as well, to focused on being an A grade student to please her strict mother. Burdened with pressures and expectations from everyone, herself included, she got dragged into eating disorder that left her a bit bigger than her friends. At some point it felt like food was her way to suppress all the emotions, good and bad. Instead of letting her feelings out she was drowning them by sticking food in her mouth and stomach. It was shameful and embarrassing and the more she tried to hide this sick self-defense mechanism the worse it got.  Finally, after a lot of hard work she dealt with it, but her weight and curves stayed in place. She was still bigger.   

On good days, the outlook and weight never bothered her, she was just doing her own things, not caring who thought what about her, but on the bad days – she didn’t even want to leave the house and show herself. On those days she watched comedies and sitcoms that would lift her spirits and help her regain some confidence. But not with men. Her sarcastic and a bit harsh attitude alongside with emotional unavailability was not helping either. There were countless times when she heard from her mother, grandmother, aunts and cousins that she should be sweeter, lighter, feminine ….. All those words made her laugh inside. To hell with those comments. She was not going to be the men pleaser, and if that meant being alone then so be it.

But now, the task to come was bringing back all her insecurities. Again. So instead of treating it like a cruel joke from the boss (since at first she believed it was assigned to her only to mock her) she started thinking about it more like a job.  Involuntarily she created a fake account on the app and started her work. Maybe this would turn out to be a good social experiment.

***

“Hey Tim, can I have a minute of your time….” Y/N asked noticing the middle Wayne seated on the couch with some newspaper in his hands  “what are you reading…..? Oh, shit……” she hissed realizing the article Tim was so engaged in.

“Y/N?” the boy raised head and his eyes landed straight on her face “You did work for this magazine in the past, right?”

“I…. um…. Yes” there was no point in lying. Knowing Tim, he already got everything figured out.

“And you had one very particular nick you used for your articles, right?”

“Yeah, I…..”

“I am sorry.” Tim put the paper down and stood up to hug his friend. Y/N just stood frozen for a second not sure what to do, but after a few seconds reciprocated his embrace “you did not deserve any of it.”

“It’s in the past, Tim. I haven’t really thought about it in a long time.”

“Still. You did not ….”

“Mhm, you said it” she cut him off “and thank you for that. But what interests me the most here is how the hell did you find this outdated magazine?”

“I…..” Tim hesitated  and scratched his head

“Oh, you were spying on me.” She smirked

“That’s not the word I would use, but…. Look, you have been sad lately and Steph suggested….”

“So she was involved in this as well, great. I guess I should have known it from the beginning.”

“Don’t be mad at me, Y/N.”

“I am not.” she assured “I just need you to keep it to yourself, all right? Can’t risk your brothers finding it and…..”

“Finding what?” Dick peeked through an open door with a shit eating grin on his face

“NOTHING!”

“Oh you two are hiding something.” He muttered coming closer to the sofa. Predicting his next moves, Y/N quickly reached for the magazine, grabbed it and started running the other way but before she was able to escape Jason stood in her way and she ended up crashing into his chest.

“Auch!” she yelled, the paper falling from her hands, while Jason’s arm grabbed her securing her before hitting the ground.  Too close, too damn close.

“What the hell is going on here?” he asked, eyes switching between Tim, who just shrugged, Dick who quickly throw himself to gather the magazine and Y/N who wriggled out of his embrace, being the first to grab the paper.

“Come on, Y/N. Don’t be like that. Show me what is it.” Dick hissed, while Y/N hid behind Jay using him as a shield. “Don’t be a kid.”

“I am not the only one who’s acting like one! This is mine!”

“And yet, you let Tim read it!”

“In her defense, she didn’t know about it.” Tim chimed in

“Irrelevant. If Tim knows, we all knows.”

“Is that how it works now?”

“Pretty sure it was always like that.”

“I wonder why the hell do I even came here in the first place” Jason sighed and without any effort grabbed Y/N from behind, snatching that damn paper off her hands. “And you claim I am the crazy one here.”

“Give it back!” she struggled against his arms, but he did not let go. Just one of them was enough to keep her in place.

“What even is it? 10 dates that went wrong? Wait, did you write it?”

“Please…..” she whispered “please, give it back to me…..” her eyes were so pleading that it almost, almost got Jason wavering. He wondered why. Y/N just seemed to have strange effect on him and he wasn’t sure whether he liked it or not.

“I…..”

“Hey, Y/N. Relax. It’s just some funny article of yours, right. Nothing to be ashamed of. Or worried. Or…..” Dick opened the article, clearly ready to read it out loud “Y/N? Are you all right?” she was sobbing now and that was an unexpected view.

“You know what. I’m done fighting with you. Read ahead, but it’s not a funny little article.”

“Y/n….” Jason looked at her carefully. He recognized that look in her eyes. It was the same as he had when after coming back from the dead and dealing with all the shit in Gotham he still felt not wanted. Like a piece of trash. Clearly, just the title from the past brought some bad memories in her.

“I’ll be fine.” she took a step back “like I said, read ahead. Just…. not with me here” turning on her heels she rushed out of the living room.

“Tim?” Dick glanced at his younger brother.

“I’ll check on her. And just a word of advice to you two – prepare for some additional trauma after this.”

***

Date number  1 – he showed up late using some lame excuses about having an important job and being a really big fish. For the whole night he was talking about himself, not asking a single thing about me. After an hour of his monologue I excused myself into the bathroom to catch a breath and when I came back found him flirting with the sexy looking girl on the other table. “What, can’t blame me for being attracted to a good looking girl, for a change.

Date number 3 – he seemed like a nice guy. Came right on time, focused on me (perhaps a bit too much, not caring about personal distance), saying that he enjoyed my company. He paid for the meal. But when I started thinking that maybe, maybe he was a good one, the situation turned around. Despite my clear “no”, his hands were all over me, definitely in the places they should not. “come on, honey, you know no one else would want you. You’re just not the kind of girl to be desirable.” I used my pepper spray on him and got away, chased by his yells that I was a bitch

Date number 5 – “You should have posted your profile picture on the side. I wouldn’t have to waste my time if I knew you looked like this”

Date number 8 – “I believe man are far superior to woman. We are just stronger, tougher, smarter. Oh, and you probably did not know this, but color red is believed to be attracting to you, girls. I had plenty of woman falling to my knees just because I was wearing it.”

“Jason?” despite the seriousness dripping from the article Dick could not help a laugh

“What? That’s not why I chose to be Red Hood and you know it!”

 “Maybe that is why you are just staring at me with those dumb, pretty eyes without a single word.” I was staring, but definitely not because I was enamored by his behavior.

Date number 10 –Honestly, I was planning to skip it, but much to my surprise my date found me. “You must be Y/N” he smiled approaching the table “I knew it from the second I saw you sitting here all alone.”

“Did you?” I raised an eyebrow, unimpressed, sipping on my drink.

“Mhm. You are smart girl. And those are rarely wanted. If you were pretty however….”

Ok, that was the end of that joke of a date.

So, to sum it all up, I am pretty sure finding yourself a good partner is a challenge I was not able to tackle. But if you follow all the rules and guidance we prepare for you in our magazine your chances for meeting your price charming are rising significantly. Go check our tips for weight loss and new trends in make up for the spring……

Dick voice broke at the ending, not capable of finishing.

“Poor Y/n” he sighed “she’s been though a lot.”

“She shouldn’t have searched on the Internet. “ Jason scoffed but clenched his fists. “She should have known better.”

“It was for a job.” Dick pointed out “she would never come up with something like this on her own and you know it.”

“How much time ago was it written?”

“Three years ago, why….? Jason! Jason! what the hell are you planning on doing?!”

“Making it right.” The younger brother muttered walking out of the room, grabbing his helmet on the way.

“Don’t you dare! Jason!” now Dick really felt like it was his responsibility to make sure his brother won't do anything stupid.

to be continued

@pinksirensong

[yandere-paramour]

How would Atalanta react to a darling that point blank refuses to have kids? Especially after the talk with her father. I mean, darling refuses to continue the cycle, and it will end with her and Atalanta. Like no amount of punishment changes, darlings mind on the matter. I can imagine Atalanta being so confused since she sees nothing wrong with her behavior.

On a separate note, I would have kids with Vivien he over here winning the best father award, lol. It probably doesn't matter, but I just imagine how indignant Atalanta would be like you will have his kids but not mine.

Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine how pissed and bewildered she would be. "You would rather have this rowdy boy give you children and not her? You are aware he does not have money nor education nor ambition. He cannot give the child a life like I can." She would absolutely insist she's not throwing a tantrum but her face is red and her fists are balled and she's two seconds from stomping her foot like a toddler.

Atalanta would be deeply, deeply hurt that you do not want to raise a child with her. She really, really needs an heir, and... she loves you, she wants to raise a family with you. She does not see anything wrong with her behavior, this has been her entire life. To her, it is perfectly acceptable to love obsessively, to cherish and adore your partner to the point that you are willing and able to kill for them, to love your spouse enough to correct their behavior so that they can be happy with you. According to her, her parents have a perfect relationship and she wants to be just like them (except gay).

But... this is something different. This is not something she can punish away, and she can see it in your eyes that you're not backing down. She cannot make you compromise if she wants you to be happy. And she does, she wants you two to live in marital bliss and for you not to resent her. So she won't force you on this.

It isn't too bad. She would not have done the bulk of the child-raising anyway, and she's certain she saved a lot of time, money, and effort by not raising someone. But she still needs an heir, even if you don't want to raise one. Her father had siblings; if one of them has a worthy daughter she can mold into a cutthroat mogul, then problem solved. If not, Atalanta will simply use her endless time and resources to find a worthy girl. She'll place the child with some trusted people and direct her raising from afar, thus fulfilling your request not to have a child yourselves. She'll pay for a top-notch education, provide instructions for proper business acumen and moral compass, and ensure the girl knows exactly who she is, who she will become, and what she's meant for.

[interlunium-opus]

Enhypen Hyung Line as Taylor Swift's Songs from the Midnights Album: Jay as Midnight Rain

⎡ Check out other members: Heeseung as Lavender Haze ||| Jake as Labyrinth ||| Sunghoon as Snow on the Beach ⎦

This guy, to me, is someone who takes dating and love very seriously: essentially someone who dates to marry. Pair that with his apparent proclivity to be selfless and his nature that tends towards being empathetic and nurturing, you get him as the other party in Midnight Rain, the one who got his heart broken, the one who wanted a bride.

"I broke his heart 'cus he was nice He was sunshine, I was midnight rain He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain He wanted a bride, I was chasing my own name Chasing that fame, He stayed the same All of me changed like midnight"

So so imagine you two have been best friends for so long and while deep down you two always felt that perhaps your feelings for one another exceeds that of friendship norms, you two always repress it.

While he was ready and eager to take it to a more serious level and settle down, he was far too considerate of your feelings. He knew you weren't ready for a relationship, not with anyone including him. More than fearing the possibility of being rejected however, what deterred him most was in not wanting to put you in such a difficult spot. He remembered how distraught you were whenever you received such confessions – how easily you paint yourself as the 'bad' person for having to reject them or ghost them. So he decided to repress them, satisfied enough with being able to be around you and spend an inordinate amount of time with you.

Jay was indeed correct. Dating has never between something of priority or interest to you. You didn't like being tied down and more importantly, you had great ambitions and were a workaholic essentially having no space nor time to spare. Not even for yourself, let alone for others.

That being said, feelings, no matter how repressed will usually seep through. For Jay in particular, whose language of love revolves around acts of service and gift giving, it was very evident as it was also amplified to great heights by his proclivity to be selfless.

Like he could be running on zero sleep, but he'd still be outside your door early in the morning with your coffee. He could have just arrived in Seoul after a long flight but he'd immediately shop for groceries and stop by your place to cook you a full-course meal as a surprise for when you come home. He could have been sick but would still run out of bed when you called him to go outside and play snowball fights with you. Heck, you could even tell him you crush on someone else and he'd still root for you all the way: helping you to win the guy over no matter how much it breaks him.

But the selflessness eventually grew too excessive for you.

Now, you had always told him off for being so selfless to a fault – that if he kept it up, he was bound to be taken advantage by others. Combined that with the fact that he's very softhearted – he is pretty much setting himself up for a heartbreak. But then you realised that his selflessness and affection towards you was treading that very dangerous waters.

He'd get food take-outs delivered to you since you hate going out during lunch; he'd bring you to dine at expensive restaurants but always beat you to the bill despite your insistence not to; he'd gift you branded items that costs an arm and a leg; when it's busy or stressful week for you he'd take you out to ease your mind but it's always to a resort, spa, etc – all the pricey destinations that somehow already get paid for. As if making your life as pain-free as possible was his life goal, he would strive hard towards it whether it is by spending more of his time or money.

You have consistently told him that you didn’t need any of it, that you cannot give him the same in return but each time, he would shrug it off, saying it was nothing, saying how he never wanted anything in return. This banter would often resurface, again and again, until you've had enough one day and decided to confront him about it. It turned into an argument to which you realised that as long as you're around him, he would willingly let himself razed to the ground for you.

"You deserve someone better," you finally said, "I don't think you'll even try to find one as long as I'm around." "You're my lifeline y/n," head buried on the crook of your neck, his arms tightened around you as he hugged you close, voice weak, "you don't have to love me the same way, you don't have to repay me in any kind, you don't have to do anything else – just be you and be in my life. That's all that matters for me." "I know you Jay, you won't change, ever," you sighed, letting yourself sink in his embrace possibly for the last time, "but I'm not selfish and I won't let you continue giving up what you deserve like this. Please, find someone else – you're meant for someone better."

Fast forward to 5 years later, all the grind pays off and you were more successful than you could ever imagine - reaching the pinnacle of your work.

One evening during a formal networking event, you found your eyes wandering around the bustling crowd, landing upon a familiar tall figure that. It was Jay, already staring back, gaze soft and lips curved into the sweet smile you've just only realised to greatly miss. Almost on auto-pilot, you smiled back, lost in the moment before suddenly getting wheeled back to reality by your director, who was eager to introduce you to yet another person of importance.

You soon discreetly slipped out to the balcony, overwhelmed by the amount of socializing you have done tonight – finding solace in the quiet and darkness of the night. You were soon interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. You put on your best customer-service smile as you spun around, ready to put on the extrovert facade and begrudgingly indulge in yet another tiresome round of small talk – only to see that it was Jay who looked amused at the way your smile drop.

"I don't know if I should be offended that you immediately dropped your customer service smile when you saw that it was me or be grateful and take it as a sign that I'm special enough that you're not putting the facade up for me too," he raised his brows before his expressions softened into that of resignation, "you haven't changed y/n. I mean, apart from looking more beautiful and getting more successful, that hermit is apparently still alive inside of you as evidenced by you escaping like this."

"Nor you. Apart from losing the baby fat and having a much sharper jawline, you still show up looking like old money," you quipped, shaking your head dismissively as you eyed him from top to bottom, “I bet what you're currently wearing have yet been released.”

"You know me well, it's for next season."

“Bet it costs a fortune too?”

“Well, without you – my voice of reason – I’m floundering my cash like a fool,” he shrugged, wiggling his brows.

“Oh wow, look at you. Gone for 5 years to the US and coming back as a full-fledged flirt huh?”

“Or maybe, turning more honest?" he smiled softly, taking a few steps closer towards you, "I've missed you."

You stared back at him in silence, revelling in those soft gazes, "I've missed you too."

"There is something else that is unchanged," he muttered softly and his gaze softened.

"Don't tell me you still buy those-"

"I still love you."

Suddenly, the whole world went quiet and you feel all choked up – remembering the self-sacrificing Jay that you hurt from years ago. Truth is, it was only after Jay left to the US years ago that you belatedly realise how your feelings for Jay all those while also went beyond friendship norms. It took you his absence to realise and confront but by then, it was far too late and you eventually accepted that letting him go was your biggest life regret.

But here he was, standing before you, professing how his feelings had never dimmed. How he still loved you. You knew the you from years ago would have immediately jumped into his arms, telling him how you were sorry for being so negligent and ignorant of his feelings and of depriving him of his too from your side. Unfortunately, as if the stars are never aligned for you both, it was too late this time too.

"There you are."

You two whipped your head towards the direction of the voice and you found your boyfriend, Sunghoon, standing by the door, "I was starting to get worried when I couldn't find you anywhere inside-" he muttered softly as he took his blazers off and wrapped it over your exposed shoulders, knowing how susceptible you are to the cold. He snaked his hand over your waist, pulling you close towards him possessively. You could see the surprise and confusion in Jay's eyes and it was starting to gnaw you from inside.

"Jay is it? I've heard a lot about you," Sunghoon smiled amicably as he turned his attention to Jay and offered his hand. Jay, always so amiable and diplomatic returned the gesture, smiling and shaking his hand firmly, "Yes. It's nice to meet you. I must have been gone for too long, I didn't know you two have become an item."

You swallowed thickly. To anyone, that voice and the gaze may have looked normal but as someone who knew him well, you could hear the sadness and dismay in his tone and gaze. "We've been together for two years now," Sunghoon gave you a slight squeeze, "actually, we should all go out together sometime. I am pretty sure there are a lot of things you could tell me about her since you two were best friends for a long time."

"yeah, we were indeed best friends for a long time," he beamed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he shot you his signature soft gaze, "I'm just happy that she is in good hands now."

Not long after, as Sunghoon ushered you back inside with him to catch the Executive Director's closing speech, you turned around briefly to bid Jay goodbye. He was still staring at you while leaning back against the bannister and as you met his eyes, his lips curved into the softest, most genuine smile though the glistening eyes told you otherwise. As if registering your guilt, he mouthed, "I'm happy for you," with a hand on his chest as if to emphasize it. 

That expression and gesture would forever haunt you – resurfacing during the midnights when you tossed and turned, serving like living reminder how you had hurt someone who has been nothing but kind, generous and loving to you, not once, but twice.

[suzuran777]

BLVN review: Paradise (PIL/SLASH)

Paradise is an 18+ BL visual novel developed by PIL/SLASH, who some might recognize for previous titles such as Shingakkou -noli me tangere-. The scenario writer is Kyuuyouzawa Lychee, who has previously worked on CAGE OPEN and CAGE CLOSE. The Japanese version of Paradise was originally released in 2017, but this month it's also getting an English release by JAST BLUE, which you can pre-order here! As usual the review will be mostly spoiler-free so I definitely recommend to buy the game yourself too!

Story Protagonist Azuma works at a local convenience store and his life is anything but eventful. He barely earns enough to pay his bills and also has no real ambitions. To his surprise, he suddenly receives a lottery ticket and wins a 6-day trip to Togajima Island. Hoping he would meet some cute girls during his trip, he's disappointed to find out the only other participants are also men. Soon Azuma realizes that this was not the luxurious trip he was hoping for...

Main characters

Azuma The protagonist of the game. His life is rather tedious and he doesn't really have any ambitions or dreams for the future, so he works at a convenience store and earns just enough money to survive. Voiced by Irakusa Netoru who's known for voicing Seiji in Room No.9 and of course Eiden in NU: carnival.

Mitsugi Architectural designer. Although he looks like the lone wolf type, he's a person with a lot of common sense. Despite that though, he gets angry surprisingly fast. Voiced by Ichijou Hikaru.

Matsuda Salesman. A responsible person who's good at taking care of others. If there's conflict, he takes a step back to analyze the situation and to choose the most logical solution. Looks older than he really is (he's 27). Voiced by Tetrapot Noboru.

Takara University student. He's very friendly and innocent looking. He's often teased by those around him because of his exaggerated reactions. Voiced by Yumachi Kakeru.

Hongo Tour guide. He's soft spoken and tries his best to be polite to everyone. Has a strong sense of responsibility. Voiced by Shinomori Hibiki.

Shimada Freelance photographer who joined the tour to take photos. Always carries his camera with him to take pictures whenever he feels like it. Voiced by Kishiri Tooru.

General info This game has three main routes (Mitsugi, Matsuda and Takara) but Hongo and Shimada do have their own endings as well and appear quite often in every route. There are also four other characters on the island (Kido, Uchimura and two unnamed guys). I actually wasn't sure if there was a recommended route order for this game, but I'd personally recommend Mitsugi > Matsuda > Takara. Though you can start with Matsuda's route too I don't think it affects the story much. I used a guide to get all the endings which you can find here, but you can also enable "easy mode" in the game which kind of guides you to the route you want to play. Usually, the bad ends were pretty easy to get too.

Just like some of PIL/SLASH's other games, this game does have horror themes and some of the CGs are a bit graphic, so be aware of that! If you're familiar with their other games I think you'll be fine, but I figured I'd give some kind of warning.

Let's start with a short summary of the common route! Azuma's dreams of travelling to a luxurious resort are already crushed when he's about to board the ship and realizes the island is uninhabited. Furthermore, he also learns that they will be staying in wooden cabins and have to cook their own food. Nevertheless, he tries to make the best out of the situation and actually ends up enjoying the first day together with his new friends. This positive mood doesn't last long however, as the ship that was supposed to deliver them fresh food every day stops showing up. Not only that, but they also lose communication with the outside world, as Hongo, who's the tour guide, is not able to contact anyone on the mainland.

At first the group tries to stay calm, hopeful that help might arrive soon. Aware that food shortages will be one of the first problems they will run into, they split up into different groups to look for ways to find food on the island. This proves to be quite difficult, as Matsuda comments that the currents around the island are unusual and the fish don't seem to be biting. The others don't have much luck either, as there aren't many edible plants or mushrooms on the island.

While exploring the island, they discover an abandoned village which most likely been abandoned since the Meiji period. Weirdly enough it doesn't seem like the former inhabitants took their belongings with them, almost as if they had to suddenly leave in a hurry. Another strange thing the group notices is that the storehouse has a jail cell in the basement, as if people had been imprisoned there in the past. Mitsugi mentions that this is not unusual for houses that were built during this time period, but it does make you wonder why people would need this on an island, and Azuma thinks the same.

Moving on to each route, I played Mitsugi's route first because I liked his character design. He's an architectural designer who came to the island for some work-related reasons, and at first he has no interest in talking to Azuma. This pisses Azuma off so he immediately tries to start a fight with Mitsugi. This kind of continues for at least a few days, but it was really funny to see their interactions. I was curious to see how their relationship would develop in this route. I think his route is a good one to start with because it doesn't really explain the full story about what's going on in the island, but I think it gives the player some interesting hints about what might happen in the other routes. I also recommend playing the bad ends, as you can also get Hongou's ending in Mitsugi's route.

The next route I played was Matsuda, who works as an salesman/office worker and traveled to the island for a well-deserved vacation. I wasn't sure what to think of him at first because he just seemed like a nice guy who liked fishing, so some parts of his route surprised me a little...! You can also get Shimada's ending in this route.

After finishing the first two routes, I played Takara's route. He's a student who similar to Azuma, also won the ticket for this trip. I think this route is locked (?) and for the right reasons because if you play it first it will spoil the entire game. In this route you finally learn more about the island. I can't really say more because it would spoil the ending, but definitely play the game until the very end so you can find out yourself!

Final impressions First of all, one thing I really liked is how the game really has no boring moments. I think my favorite character is still Mitsugi, but Azuma is such a funny protagonist and I always think it's fun how PIL/SLASH combines elements like horror and humor. I think I said something similar when I reviewed Dystopia no Ou, but these games always have such fun characters. I also liked the illustrations drawn by Kotomi Youji, the CGs are really nice and detailed.

Now I wouldn't say it's the most serious game ever, but honestly I think it doesn't need to be. This is one of these games in which I enjoyed the interactions between the characters the most. If you're a fan of BL games with dark themes I think it's definitely worth it to give this one a try! As usual, PIL/SLASH made sure to add some pretty dark and disturbing bad ends to this game, so I definitely recommend playing those too if you're into that. The dark themes are however also present in the routes that lead to the good endings, so if you're not comfortable with noncon scenes for example, this game might not be for you.

I played the trial version of the Japanese version years ago, but I had a good time playing the game in English this time and finishing all of the endings. Other than some minor typos and the game showing me hints when I wasn't using easy mode (I'm not sure if this also happens in the Japanese version) the English version was enjoyable to play. The game is also only 20 USD which is quite a good deal, since the Japanese versions tend to be more expensive.

Lastly, if you're looking for more content after finishing the game, Paradise actually also has two sequels, -MUSUBI- which is basically a fandisc that continues the story, and -KIWAME-, which is more of a re-telling of the first game's story. Apparently Takara's brother shows up in these games as a new character. Right now they are only available in Japanese though, so be aware of that!

[magic-belodie]

I finished MCLAL Kentin episode 6. It cost me 1.206 AP. I got the illustration. Here is the summary: (This summary is the sequel of the summary of the proposal route episode 5: https://www.tumblr.com/magic-belodie/708420728642486272/i-finished-the-proposal-route-of-mclal-kentin?source=share)

You start this episode in the van. The dogs get up from the place where they were sleeping and start wagging with their tails. That can only mean one thing. Kentin comes inside the van and asks if you had a good day. The dogs jump up on Kentin and Kentin hugs them back. Then you pull Kentin towards you to kiss him. Your day was not bad, you saw Rosa, Alexy and Thia and eat ice cream with them. Kentin's day was a little bit tiring, because the customers were tiring. But after work he went to his parents. His parents are doing good, they are still really excited about the wedding. They asked all kinds of questions about the wedding. The wedding is only weeks away, and you two haven't done much of the preparation. But you two have a place for the wedding. Kentin looks a bit tired. The last two months, Kentin worked multiply jobs. You try to cheer him up with some food. Kentin has the week for the wedding free. Like planned. Kentin can't wait. The food is ready. Kentin sets the table outside and you two go sit and eat. The day after tomorrow you two are going to choose the rings in the morning, then Kentin is free. You also arrange to go to the caterer this Friday. It was the only spot they had left. But Kentin can't, he has to work. If he works this Friday, you are able to choose every menu you want. But you want Kentin to go with you. You don't care about that. You just want Kentin to be with you, and do those things with you. Kentin will call his boss tomorrow and change his schedule. You thank him for it. It is the wedding for the both of you. It is much more fun to do those things together. Kentin smiles at you. You are right, Kentin is excited to do those things with you. But Kentin is very tired now. Kentin and you clear up the table and go to bed. You have problem falling a sleep. You are a bit worried that Kentin is working too much. Kentin has been working so hard because of the wedding. He really wants it to be the best. But you haven't seen him a lot since he is working so hard. You didn't imagine organizing, and the time before your wedding, would be like this. If things go on like this, you have to talk about it with Kentin. The next day started normal. You confirmed the caterer for Friday. You walk the dogs and work as a waitress at the Cozy bear café. But when you get back, Kentin is already at the van. Kentin asked to get free for Friday, and it didn't go well. His boss was not happy that Kentin wanted free, after he arranged everything that Kentin could work more hours. Kentin requested it. You ask Kentin why he did that. He is already working enough. Kentin did because of the wedding. You ask Kentin what is going on. You and him have enough money for a wedding. We are in the budget if we stick to what we said. But Kentin wants to be able to do the things big without any limit. It is a really important moment for most girls. For Kentin, of course also. But he wants you to have the wedding of your dreams. That you could just choose any ring or dress you want, and that you don't have to look at the price tag. You can't help but smile, Kentin is so cute. You feel like Kentin is the one with the greatest ambition of the two of you. And three weeks of work is not going to change the budget that much. Plus, the choosing is part of the fun. You want to choose things with Kentin. Kentin wants to choose two, but he wants those things to be covered in diamonds. He wishes he can give that to you. Kentin is so sweet. You are very touched to hear him say that. But the rings, cake, dress, it is all decoration. And it makes you happy to do it and choose it. But the most important is Kentin. If it puts this much pressure on him. It is not worth it. The only thing that matters to you is to share everything with Kentin. You would marry Kentin in secret in the back of the van, without hesitation. Kentin smiles at you. Would you really marry him anywhere? Yes, you would even do it in the cave where you found the dog on your last trip. But you have already booked a place. It is better if you take advantaged of that. Kentin cares your cheek. Let's make the wedding day the best day within you two means. Plus, Kentin is already going to give you the best gift, his last name. Kentin is surprised. He didn't know that you had already made up your mind. Kentin's name Lerhay fits you like a glove. Kentin takes you in his arms and spins you around. You would have told him sooner if you knew that it had this effect on him. Kentin is going to call his boss. He is going to participate in all the choosing stuff. His boss has to understand and otherwise who cares. You are both so happy. The wedding rings Hand in hand, Kentin and you walk to the jewelry store. You two first look outside at the window. You both see multiply things you like. But Kentin and you have to choose. Kentin kisses your forehead. He has been in a fantastic mood since yesterday. You both walk inside the store. The sales lady asks if she can help you two. You two would like to see wedding rings. She shows you where they are lying. Kentin and you are pointing out all the rings. It is hard to choose. And seeing them lay on a cushion reminds you that you haven't chosen the ring bearer. It would be logic to go with Cookie or Muffin. So definitely a dog. They both have an important place in your history. But normally a child would do that. You two could ask Thia. She would like it. Or a friend, Alexy is Kentin's best man. Maybe you two could ask Armin. Kentin says that you may choose. You choose to let Cookie and Muffin do it. Each of them would carry one ring. That way, no one is jealous. Maybe Joker and Siska would be. But Kentin is sure they would understand. It will be perfect. Then you two look back at the rings. You are sure. You want the crossed rings. Plus, the ring that fits with it was the first one that Kentin liked. They will look perfect. Kentin gets the sales woman. She takes your measurements and makes sure they are ready. Kentin and you walk out of the store. Kentin can't wait for all the other choices. You are both so happy. Kentin and you walk to the ceremony place. Both your parents are already there. You all hug each other. And then you tell them about the rings you two have chosen. But they don't get to see them, it will be a surprise. The place looks beautiful. It was a little climb to it. You are 1500 feet high. Kentin was the one who chose the place. Kentin knew the guy of the place. He worked for him a few seasons ago. At the altar you have a view of the whole valley. At the bench you have a view of the mountain. It will be safe, there are fences everywhere. Your parents point out that you both look so happy. And you do, who wouldn't be with a place like this. The meal is going to be served in the big building over there. There will also be dancing and you can park your car behind it. Kentin's parents ask if he still manages everything with work. Kentin took some free time for the wedding. Everything is going great. You discuss a lot of other things for the wedding, and the bachelor party will be organized by the maid of honer and the best man. They ask who you choose. Kentin chose Alexy. You asked Kim. The athletic girl who works at the gym. Your mom thinks it is a good choice. You want to ask them their opinion about activity between the ceremony and the meal. It is a good thing. You all come up with things to do. You like the musical chairs option. Kentin likes it a lot, two. Kentin and you walk back to the van. It was a nice moment with both of your parents. Kentin is also still really happy with the rings. And he can't wait to get his suit tomorrow. You also can't wait to see what Rosa has planned.

The Dress Kentin and you are at Leigh's shop with Rosalya and Leigh. They are both really happy to see you. Kentin points out that you should take the dress you want the most and don't care about the price. Rosa will make sure that happens.  Leigh and Kentin leave to get his suit. You stay behind with Rosa. Rosa shows you the dresses. They are all beautiful. There is one Rosa likes the most, but she doesn't want to influence you. You have to discover the one you love on your own. And no matter what you choose, she has a matching outfit for Kim. The same goes for Kentin with Alexy. Rosa tells you a bit about every dress. Then you get to try all the dresses on. As soon as you put on the breathtaking one, you know it is the right one. You get to pick the dress. There is only one option to choose. This dress was Rosa's favorite. Kentin and Leigh are back. He found the perfect suit. Kentin and you see them back at your bachelor parties. Kentin and you leave the shop. You are both really happy with the outfits. The wedding is coming together. The caterer Kentin and you have tasted all the appetizers. You don't know what to choose. You taste again and choose the forgotten vegetable verrine. It is very colorful and tastes so good. And it is light, a good way to start. That way, Kentin and you will still be able to dance in the evening. Then we can move on to the main course. Since the wedding is in the mountains, they made something special. Balsamic pork tenderloin with cured ham and a salt-crusted potato. You taste the food. It is really delicious. Kentin has no words for it. It is so good. They also have a vegetarian option, which is also perfect. Then you get to choose the dessert. It will be a decorated cake or a tired wedding cake. You get to taste all the options and choose to go with the decorated cake and chocolate taste. It is one of the classics they are selling a lot of them. It is not a surprise. Then everything is set.

The Bachelorette Party Kentin and you still haven't decided on the honeymoon yet. You two have some time left before your parties start. Kentin was already looking at a place for you two. A paradisiacal place. That you two have never been before; Cuba. During the dry season, it will look incredible. Kentin always has wanted to go. You two already have been to a few of the Caribbean islands, but not to this one. Kentin asked if you had already thought of a place. And you did. You thought of Canada. The adventure of the nature. The forest and the snow, it calls to you. Or you could go to a hotel spa and have a relaxing retreat. The opposite of the van. Kentin likes both the options. You choose to go with Canada. Cuddling up with Kentin in a cabin. Spending days in the forest and the snow. Kentin also likes the idea. It sounds like a great program. It would be a nice change. He can already picture it.

You have to leave for your party and walk to the park entrance. There you see Rosa. She asks if you are ready and lets you turn around. Then you see all your friends; Priya, Kim and Melody. You all hug each other and go into the limo. The limo takes you to the beach. There you have a treasure hunt. The puzzles were about your travels with Kentin. They also arranged a meal and a sleeping place. It was amazing.

The Big Day You are with Rosa in the van, and you are very nervous and not able to stand still. It also makes Rosa nervous. If she doesn't get your dress good, you have to marry in your underwear. So you keep standing still. But you are still nervous. You shouldn't think of everything that could go wrong. You should think of everything that could go right. Kim keeps you updated on how it is going at the location. Everyone has arrived, and the cake looks beautiful. Muffin and Cookie already have the rings. You start to relax. Everything is going to be okay. Your dress is ready. You look like a princess. Rosa and you go to the ceremony location. 

Your dad is waiting for you and walks you to Kentin. Kentin looks stunning. You get to read his mind. When he saw you, it felt like the whole mountain was rocking. Kentin was waiting for this moment, his whole life. It wasn't just a feeling. He dreamed of this moment for so long. And it is finally here. You are even prettier than you have ever been. He can't take his eyes off you. Kentin is afraid you will disappear if he does that. But you are really there. The moment he has dreamed of so many times. And now he is living it. It is even more beautiful than he could ever dream. He hopes that this moment also meets your expectations. The story switches back to you. You are at the altar and hold Kentin's hand. It is time for the vows. Kentin starts. He is necessarily not the most comfortable when it comes to words. And he already hopes that you know how much he loves you since always. But he wants to tell you again in front of family and friends. And above all, to tell you again here, it's the closest thing to the top of the world. In any case, it's the highest we can get without having to get married in an insulated jacket. Because that is where he wants to be with you. On top of the world. That is where you belong. You deserve nothing less. Kentin has known it since the first time he saw you. At that moment, he knew he liked to go to the end of the world with you. He wants to go everywhere, and that you feel like he feels now everywhere. Happy, loved and the world at your feet. You have tears in your eyes. But now you have to say your vow. You have always felt like that. Ever since you and Kentin found one another again. It took you some time to realize it. To realize that your idea of a lot of things was wrong. That you had the possibility of being happy, as you have never been before. You just had to agree to change your perspective. This place is perfect for the both of you. You never have made a better decision, then to leave and see the world with Kentin. And if Kentin is right that you deserve to be on the top of the world. It is all thanks to him. And you be rather anywhere else with him then here alone. And you want to thank him for that. That is always why you loved him. Kentin has tears in his eyes. Everyone is clapping. The rings are coming towards you two. Muffin and Cookie walk over the aisle. They both have a ring on their color. The dogs sit at your feet so you both could take a ring and put it on each other's fingers. You both say I do. Kentin and you may kiss. He takes you off the ground and into his arms. You kiss him passionate. You get the illustration. Then the episode ends.     

[good-wine-and-cheese]

Gambling Apocalypse Tenma AU

As I rewatch Kaiji I inevitably end up wanting to combine show I like with other show I like and stuffing fav characters into show. So here we are.

This was uh going to be a short summary type thing but I accidentally wrote a novella about it sorry

This AU starts off with a much more depressive Tenma. After Tobio's death, rather than immediately pour his grief into developing a robot version of his son, he recedes into himself, psychologically paralyzed, likely turning to alcohol to drown out his anguish.

His mental state is taken as an opportunity within the Ministry of Science to have him ejected from his position; Tenma was never the most well-liked director, and there were those with ambition to usurp him that would jump at the chance. Not that he especially cares in his state.

He's eventually dragged out of his stagnation by Ochanomizu - who, inadvertently, becomes the very catalyst pushing Tenma to develop a robot replacement to his child. This was not what he meant by encouraging Tenma to fill the void left by his son.

...But, well, he is no longer the director of the Ministry of Science. His access to limitless government funds and resources for "scientific research" has been cut off, and this is a project he cannot finance on his own. He can't ask Ochanomizu for help, but...interestingly...a representative of a certain shady organization known as the Teiai Corporation reaches out to him, offering to finance and support his project. A sane and well-minded Tenma might think better of it, but grieving and desperate, Tenma accepts their offer and is able to create a robot in the image of his beloved Tobio. For a while, there's joy in his life.

But the bill, as ever, comes due: Tenma must pay up, and the very resources that had been at his disposal will certainly ensure that he will, or else. Of course, he doesn't have the money; instead, he is given a choice. He can relinquish the robot Tobio in order to wipe out his debt - the child is a sophisticated and powerful robot, after all - or he can participate in a certain illicit event hosted by the Teiai Corporation.

It's nothing major...just a four-hour gambling cruise with a collection of desperate, damned souls that were also swept into debt with Teiai. The conditions are simple: Those who choose to participate are given a chance to clear their debts wholesale should they win. And should they lose...?

Well...no one really knows what happens to the losers seized by Teiai. It's said that they labour away their debts under Teiai's watchful eye and are freed once their work has covered their debts, though it's rumoured that most perish before they reclaim freedom.

There's only one answer Tenma can give, of course; he's not willing to lose Tobio again.

Thus is Tenma's debut into the Gambling Apocalypse, where he must become cutthroat in order to survive; if he wants to see his son again, he must make choices that will doom the hapless to miserable servitude, with a nonzero chance it ends in their death.

He survives the cruise, but of course, it was hardly enough to clear his debt; the cruise was never going to be the end of it. Teiai doesn't let go of its victims that easily. He will be called on again: this is a weight that hangs over him, all while he returns to his son Tobio. The same hands that have pushed innocents into hell must now be the hands that can embrace his child.

He wants to protect Tobio from the truth and enjoy what peaceful moments he's allowed with his son, but it's difficult. It's difficult to be the parent of a child who cannot understand the danger that looms ahead; this "happy" home is not to last. Tenma angers quickly and easily. He turns that anger onto Tobio.

As Teiai's games become more and more vicious and unrelenting, as his conscience holds onto the last vestiges of thread that remain, Tenma even threatens, once, to give the boy in: it would all end, then; the debt would be clear and no longer would he have to endure Tobio's childish annoyances, his ungratefulness.

The next time that Tenma is beckoned, Tobio takes matters into his own hands. He does understand, now; and he would have, if only Tenma had bothered to explain sooner. If it's a debt that needs clearing, he will work. He will help his father clear his debts however he can. Of course, it's difficult to find work as a child; but a circus troupe finds amusement in the idea of a child robot, and takes him in. He is whisked into a certainly unpleasant working situation, but he remembers his father, and what he must be enduring. Tobio, also, will endure.

When Tenma returns, Tobio is gone.

All that held Tenma back from becoming something monstrous has disappeared. All that kept him going has disappeared. When he is called upon by Teiai, there is no knowing what sort of person might come out the other end; whether a monster clawing his way to freedom regardless of what actions he must take, or a desolate husk surrendering defeat.

There is still a light, however dim: Found by Professor Ochanomizu and rescued from the circus, Tobio - now Atom - is able to shed light on the situation which Tenma took great pains to keep hidden from his old friend. With time running out, Ochanomizu and Atom must do what they can to save Tenma - from Teiai, and from himself.

-----

UHHH and that's a wrap!!!! I couldn't quite decide which way Tenma would go after hitting Rock Bottom in this AU, and tbh it would really depend on the kind of mental state he's in at the time. On the one hand I like the narrative of Ochanomizu and Tobio racing to prevent Tenma from crossing a line (actual outright murder probably) - or having to pull him back into humanity (and yknow, his ensuing penance)

But on the other hand having him get sent to Teiai Evil Hell Prison would be interesting because a) there's a lot of narrative potential having Tenma faced with what Teiai is doing with the people that lose the games and b) need him to decimate the foreman at chinchirorin Kaiji style

Tenma's whole character is definitely a much different guy in this AU, he starts off pretty sympathetic, the guy you wanna root for, he just ends up having an inverse character arc where he gets worse instead of better. His conflict with "Tobio" is also kind of reversed, less about being unsatisfied with Tobio as a son and more not being able to handle the fact that he probably has intense PTSD now and isnt capable of coping with it in a way conducive to being a parent (or like, coping at all)

Anyway that's gambling apocalypse tenma!!!

[freneticsir]

seriously? Closed species? Give me a break. They're nothing but a bunch of Avatar wannabes, lacking any originality whatsoever. It's infuriating to see talented artists wasting their skills on such a dumb and pointless concept. And DON'T even get me started on how they feed off people's consumption addictions and profit from the least original idea imaginable. Ugh, it's enough to make me want to create my own so-called ""illegal"" alien furry just to mock the whole ridiculous closed species trend

the TIMING and the irony of WHEN the notif from your post popped out on my screen while I was watching this video ~

wait when you discover that I also ‘waste my talent’ on drawing kinky NSFW furry commissions to make a living. and all commissioners I had so far - are all wonderful people who respect artist’s hard work.

if you want talented artists to not ‘waste their talent’ on ‘unworthy things’ - you’re absolutely welcomed to support them financially and help them to direct their talents towards their actual dreams and ambitions. for example: my TRUE dream since 2014 is to create an animatic series about my alien OC Isay. you can help me to direct my talent towards this dream by subscribing to my Patreon. if I ever achieve at least 500$ monthly income from Patreon - I will finally be able to focus on my original story releasing instead of frantically seeking one way after another to make a living.

just support your favorite artists financially if you want them to stop ‘wasting their talent’. otherwise, you don’t actually give a single shit about artists. you just want them to provide you a free entertainment medium YOU prefer.

P.S.: Sirises - are my alien original species and a crucial part of that exact story which I’ve been developing since 2014 but never had an opportunity to share a single piece of it due to being too busy while trying to survive. my main OC Isay - is a Siris, a main character of this animatic series in question, and my meaning of life. if I’m as autistic artist with depression, PTSD, ADHD and numerous health issues including one that requires surgery can somehow monetize Sirises in the moment of my life when I have NO OTHER WAY to make a living at all due to being a war refugee in a foreign country - I will monetize them to survive so I be able to move towards my dream.

P.S.S.: art - is a luxury item, not a necessity like food or meds. no one forces people to buy commissions, adopts, MYOs (Sirises by the way have a plenty of free options to obtain but of course you’d never bother to check), action figurines, games, physical music albums etc etc etc. it’s always person’s decision and person’s choice how to manage their earned money. and if this little purchase makes person happier and doesn’t harm anyone, and if I can provide this little piece of joy to someone while also making a living myself - why fucking not? it’s their choice, it’s their business. not yours. not mine either. it’s not my place to validate or invalidate the way other adult people manage their income. my place and my only responsibility - is to make sure that I myself have money to pay my rent and bills, to buy my meds, antidepressants included, and food, to visit a doctor, to prepare to my gallbladder removal surgery, to manage my iron deficiency anemia. to survive. and to fulfill my dream.

and it’s not your place to judge me and the ways I make a living,

Monsieur Privileged Anon the Cowardly.

[confessions-official]

i really resent my parents for having me in their 40's/50's sometimes. most people say "oh i want to have kids young so i can play with them/keep up with them as toddlers" but that's not the most difficult part. the hardest part is being 25 with my parents already retired and having severe health issues while my peers have able-bodied parents who still work full time and are not even near retirement age. the hardest part was taking care of my dad who was left almost immobile for months after a surgery at 21 while my friends were going out. the hardest part is not being financially stable yet, while inflation is making my parents' retirement less and less valuable and i can't help them out because i can barely sustain myself. the worst part is how neither of my siblings (10+ years older than me) went to university despite my parents being able to support them through it and now they still rely on welfare + shit jobs + my parents' money to make ends meet, so i feel triple the pressure to finish my degree and be successful at my job. the worst is how i never allowed myself to have a dream because i've been making plans for when my parents are too old to work since i was 17, i just picked whatever would give me the most money/financial independence at any given time which ironically ended up meaning i made terrible decisions that left me many years behind my peers in life, because i was a kid. and the hardest part will be when they eventually fall severely sick, and i will be the one expected to take care of them because i am the youngest, i am a woman, and i want to always be childless. I'm scared that i will never be able to have a life of my own because by the time things start looking better for me, my parents will be old and dying and i know my siblings will not take responsibility because they never have. i feel like i'm living in a race where i have to moce as far away as possible before they need me as their full-time caregiver. is that awful? yes, but god i just want a fucking life, and i'm so scared i never will because things are not taking off soon enough for me. i want to have ambitions and dreams and to be a young woman doing young woman stuff. i didn't ask to be born and i didn't ask for my mom to not get an abortion. she literally was bedridden when she was pregnant with me because the risk of miscarriage was so high and she says that it's a miracle i was even born. sometimes i wonder if her body was trying to keep her from doing something really fucking stupid. i love her, and my dad's okay ig but sometimes i think it's logical to see the act of wanting to have me as extremely selfish and greedy of them. they already had two healthy kids and 11 years later they had me. what the fuck were they thinking?