#I have some ideas.... it’s p much the same ones I’ve had since at least last year lol

[peapod20001]

GOD I really should start doing things for Halloween so it’s not October 31 by the time I remember it’s Halloween

[luvfy0dor]

Henlo

You know who it is, we all know, henlo

I feel like I’ve been here a lot recently

Just starting off with saying I loved the Dazai piece. It was really cute. Dad Dazai trying his best, made my heart melty

But I think you know why I’m here today

On this day

Honestly the day doesn’t entirely matter but I’m here on THIS one

With the dad Fyodor thought I promised

Cuz here I was thinking to myself. I feel like Fyodor definitely wants his child or children having some connection to Russian culture, since that’s a part of them too, regardless of their other parent’s nationality or background, he definitely wants his included. (Tho his partner could totally do the same)

So I was wondering, would you like a piece of him either teaching his children Russian or making Russian food for them? Or really sharing any Russian cultural thing with them at all. Honestly whatever one is easier for you to write or go into detail with, they’re all equally cute.

Cuz if his child or children develop a connection to that, I feel like that would make him a lot happier than maybe he would fully show.

I hope this ask sparks the creative brain juices in a fun way

Also considering sending a Halloween themed request at some point idk… oh but who knows!We’re here rn and having fun with this, that’s all we need at the moment

Also real glad you enjoy my messages lol. I will absolutely keep sending. Take as long as you need

-the person here attempting to give everyone baby fever because it’s funny

This blog’s Dad Fyodor anon

"da!" - Dad!Fyodor x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

Warnings; Google translate Russian, not much reader involvement, very minimal proofreading happened

Description; Dad!Fyodor teaching his child about Russian culture! It incorporates ideas from the first dad!Fyodor part.

A/n; YESYESYES I one hundred percent agree, I think about this on the regular OMG I hope I depicted this well bc my knowledge on Russia isn't all that extensive lol, if you have any corrections, do tell me!! : ) Also I'm gonna be so fr I had NO idea what to name this so we're rolling with da I guess.............

Headcannons !! ༊*·˚

★ He teaches his child/children classical Russian music when they're old enough to play more difficult pieces. Until then, he'll settle for twinkle twinkle little star.

★ Introduces his children to ballet.

★ His children have a variety of Russian-originating toys, such as Matryoshka/Russian nesting dolls, rocking horses etc.

★ Brings his children to Russia at least once, specifically to Moscow (irl Dostoevsky was raised in Moscow, so we're gonna assume BSD Dostoevsky was too) to experience the culture first hand.

★ Teaches his children the foundations of the Russian language. He would like them to fluently speak it one day, though.

★ Cooks Russian food for them like I mentioned and included in the first part.

★ They learn about Russian history from their father, anywhere from Peter the Great to fur trade and all that jazz

Scenario !! ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

(as always, p/t is parental title, d/n is daughters name)

Your head leaned against your fist while you watched your husband and daughter focus on their current activity. D/n carefully picked the colors and pigments she would use to color in the white spaces on her paper, and Fyodor just tried to keep things inside the lines. You could see the little girls tongue slightly sticking out from between her lips in concentration, making you smile.

Your daughter went to pick her next color, chosing a pink crayon to fill in the nose of the cat. "Papa, what'd you say your hat was called again? The one you always wear." She clarifies, even though there was really only one hat that Fyodor would wear at all. His eyes don't leave his thin paper as he replies, "A ushanka, and it's from Russia, malyshka." He answered, pushing some of his hair out of his face and behind his ear. "Russia." She says, the sound not unfamiliar, but not common to her either. "Where's that?" She tilts her head upwards, putting her crayon down to signify her attention on her papa. He puts his down too and rests his arms on top of one another.

"Quite far, but it is in both Asia and Europe. That's how big it is, it stretches over two continents." He says, a smile on his face. Her eyes widen a little. "That is really big. Have you been there before?" Her head tilts and she shifts a bit in her seat. "I grew up there, in the city of Moscow." He says, happy with her clear interest in his motherland.

"We should go there for a vacation one day!" She says, a grin on her face. He laughs a little bit and nods. "I agree, we definetly should." He agrees, fantasizing about it in his head. "Is that why you talk like that?" She questions her fathers accent, skittering around the table and climbing onto his lap. He smiles gently and nods. "Yes, it's called an accent, malyshka. I learned English, but Russian is my mother tongue. There are a lot of different pronunciations for certain sounds in Russian." He tells her, his hands fidgeting with the young girls hair. He parts it into three sections and starts to braid it.

"Is everything different there?" Fyodor hums, thinking as he weaves her hair into a gorgeous French braid. "Well, it definitely very different, but I don't think I would say everything." He says. "There are more historical differences than anything, if I do say so myself." She hums in understanding. "Papa, can you teach me some Russian?" She asks, turning her head to look at him with puppy dog eyes, even though she really didn't need them. He smiled and nodded.

"What should I teach you?" He softly questions, looking into the young girls eyes. She thinks for a moment, tapping her pointer finger on her chin. "I don't know! Whatever you want." She says, just excited to hear another language. He chuckles softly. "я не знаю, что тебе сказать" (I don't know what to tell you) he responds, a small grin on his face. Her eyes widen, almost as if she never believed he could speak a different language. You giggle a bit at her reaction.

"What does that mean?!" She excitedly asks, her mind seemingly blown over this. "It simply means I don't know what to tell you." He speaks. "But I can tell you the simple stuff. Like 'да' means yes and 'нет' means no. Hello is 'привет' and goodbye is 'до свидания'."

The young girl takes a mental note of these words. "привет, papa! I think I said that right." She says. You proudly watch the scene go down. Fyodor gives you a similarly prideful smile. "Yes, you did wonderful, malyshka." He praises her, patting her shoulder. "I'll have to teach you more one day." She nods vigorously, very obviously wanting him to. "Yes! And then we can have secret conversations, no one else will know what we're saying!" She snickers, making him smile.

A/n; I hope this is alright!! I loved this request a whole lot. Oh, also, feel free to send in that Halloween request even though it's November now lol

"Oh, ofcourse. That will probably be rather far in the future, though." He says, removing her from his lap and gently patting her back. "That's okay. If I learn more I'll know more words." She states the obvious. "And I'm gonna learn from the best russian ever." She beams, making Fyodor grin. "That's right, sweetheart."

[fandomsandassortedgoods]

i need your thoughts on ts5 STAT, i like your account and posts on prideyear so id love to here your opinions on the current info we have atm.

Oh well I’m flattered asghgdhj I had some thoughts saved I was gonna post sometime, so I’ll finish it off and put it here.

Guess I'm one of the few people that don't find toys vs electronics an inherently cringe premise, I trust Pixar enough not to have the message just be IPAD BAD (though given Wall-E maybe I shouldn’t lmao), there are legitimate issues concerning children and screen use that can be explored, and how that affects how kids play with actual toys is interesting to me.

My issue is more with the time period. Were "tablet kids” even a big thing by like 2007-2009 (giving a range here on the years TS3-4 seem to take place in)? Bonnie could be older (though she doesn't look it), but even then that seems early for kids with tablets to be a major thing yet. It just feels like too modern an issue for what should be just before the 2010s. But maybe that's just drawing from my experience and tablet kids were a problem by then?

Also a bunch of defective Buzzes is... potentially interesting in concept, but by now I feel the "delusional Buzz" schtick has gotten very, very tired. It's fine to repurpose ideas that got left on the cutting room floor, but again? Really? You can't even use the excuse of "well every movie has a delusional Buzz moment so this one must have too" because there was no delusional Buzz in 4. The concept worked in 1 because well that was the plot of the movie and wasn’t done before. In 2 it worked because it a) was a funny callback to the first movie that played on the humour of how Buzz used to be compared to how he was now and b) didn't interfere with the main story so much, as in, didn't bloat up the story with unnecessary detail or ruin the more emotional scenes. In 3, it worked because it was once again a subversion on the concept: while delusional Buzz was played for laughs before, here we are shown a darker side to it, with someone being able to turn your friend against you just like that and losing yourself with the flip of a switch (ofc it still had some laughs because it's Pixar, but ykwim).

In 5, what will the fresh twist be? I really can't tell. It feels like they've done what they can with the concept and they should just let it go now like they did in 4. How many times can the characters say “not again” before the audience is thinking the same thing?

As for showing Woody back with the gang and the lack of a Bo Peep mention of all, that’s probably the most interesting part for me personally. Bonnie doesn’t seem much older, if that’s who’s under the sheet in that picture—how much time has passed since the ending of 4? How long are Bonnie’s remaining toys separated from Woody before he returns? How do they meet up again? That was a travelling fair, it’s unlikely they would be seeing each other again any time soon. Did Woody/the toys deliberately seek each other out, or is this a happy coincidence? Are they working together towards a common goal and that’s it, or will Woody be returning to Bonnie’s room for good? I’ve got a lot of questions here.

If it isn’t Bonnie under the blanket, that drastically changes things. Is this set decades ahead with a grown-up Bonnie’s kid? Or perhaps in this future, Bonnie returned her toys to Andy, and this is Andy’s child instead? (Though the presence of Forky calls that into question, unless she just threw him in as a gift because she doesn’t gaf about this spork anymore lmao). If it’s Bonnie’s kid and we know for a fact that Andy will be in the movie again, what if Bonnie’s kid befriends Andy’s kid, and that’s how his old toys eventually find their way back to him (I feel Bonnie would at least offer Andy the toys back first, but who knows)? At any rate, I’m putting heavy money on the ending being the toys returning to Andy and being passed down to his children, maybe with this new kid imitating the opening of 1 as he plays with Woody just like Andy did.

I’ve joked before about 5 opening with 4 just being a dream and they retcon the whole movie away, but these new details make that reality seem a little less insane lmao

and okay but the REAL question is: what does the 6+ hour ts4 reviewer think about all this?

[narrators-journal]

YAY YOU’RE BACK!!! So Ik I asked for this a while ago as a mistake for halloween….but since your asks are re-open can I ask for Stanley Snyder x fem reader car sex? Thank you if yes but feel free to delete if it’s too much!! 😋

This is no offense to you, I wrote car sex for hxh, and I’ve written Stan a lot (obviously), but I HATED writing this scenario, man. Or, not WRITING it, the smut came pretty easily, but finding the set up was hell. But you've been waiting so nicely to resend this ask, so I had to push through to get SOMETHING out.

I had so many ideas for this one to really shake things up. I originally wanted to make this some flavor of yandere? But I couldn’t figure out a good way to do that with the whole car sex prompt that I liked. I originally wanted this to be monsterverse, but that came with even MORE trouble keeping the car sex prompt in there. Then I had trouble feeling like I captured Stan well, and all around I was just. Very indecisive. Then, y’know, I got sick. Sickness fucked everything up, man.

So! I tried, but I don’t know how I feel about this one. I feel I’ve been skimping a lot on these scenarios, but I just can’t cook up a big ol’ set up for them recently. Regardless! I hope you enjoy it at least a little bit, sorry I took soooo long to write this shit.

CW: car sex, that’s basically it this time. I kept it p simple.

The marines were probably the scariest branch of the military a person could try to get into. Yet, your boyfriend was determined to join. And, after years of research into the cost and cons of the choice, he was probably the most prepared anyone could be for the hardships and trauma of the american military. Which meant, all you could really do was give him a good, american send off to ensure he had enough strength to fight and come back to you.

So, you did your damnest to do just that.

With one hand on the car door, and Stan’s warm hands on your hips, you rocked your body against his. His strong chest pressed to your back, your breasts bouncing slightly, just like you were sure his car slightly bounced in the darkness of where ever you had him park, and his cock buried almost to the hilt within your cunt for you to grind down upon. Each movement aimed to draw out a new grunt or hum from your pale-haired partner, but also aimed to at least slightlystoke the embers sat in your belly.

Moans slipped from your lips freely as Stan’s rough hands squeezed your hips to encourage you while you rode his cock as best you could in the minimal space between your bodies and the steering wheel. “You sure do seem to be enjoying yourself,” Your boyfriend chuckled against your neck, his lipstick’d mouth pulled into a coy grin as you moved your hips to try and get as much friction as possible. Only able to breathe out, “Shut up, S-Stan.” as you moved.

With your back against his well-muscled chest, and such little room in your car, the air was thick with heat and sweat. Worsened with each quick breath either you, or the soon-to-be Marine let out. Yet, at the same time, the confines of the limited space made it hotter. The way the cloth of the car’s upholstery stuck to the back of your thighs, the steering wheel that forced you to keep your hips ground against Stan’s, which in turn forced you to keep his healthy-sized cock buried almost entirely within your drooling cunt. If he hadn’t been on the list to ship off to boot camp soon, you would have allowed yourself to indulge in the whoreish, needy voice in the back of your head that screamed God, ride him like a pony! Milk him dry! Have his god damned babies already!

But, he wason that short list for the military. So, instead of letting that torturous heat that simmered within your belly win, you forced yourself to savor each drag of his length against your walls. Each brush of the head of his cock against such sensitive parts of you, earned a new shudder or sigh from your lips.

However, when Stan gave your neck a nip, your willpower nearly melted like butter under the hellish heat that lapped at your skin while your stomach churned and tightened like a spring. The spark of measured pain almost had you giving in to that feral side of yourself. But, you held out. Instead, you let your hips stall in his lap, the break long enough to allow you to enjoy how his muscles twitched ever so slightly in time with his throbbing length. “Why are you drawing this out so much, darlin’? With how you’re squeezing around me, you’re already close.” Stan hummed, his voice far huskier than it had been before, the rumble of his words felt down to your core while you tried to gather back your restraint. “I don’t want this to just be a rushed highschool hook up, Stanley. I want to...enjoy you before you get shipped off out of reach.” You panted back, able to feel his laugh against your back before he continued with a more amused, but still gruff, tone, “I’m a bit offended you assume I can only go once in a night, darlin’~”

[matthewfuckinggraygubler]

The Art of Getting to Know · Pt 2

· Pairing: Spencer Reid/OC

· Category: Fluff

· Warning: None

· Words: 5098

· Parts: Pt 1 · Pt 3 · Pt 4

· Summary : Eli, a psychology expert and old friend of Luke's, joins the UAC as a consultant and quickly bonds with Spencer Reid. As they delve into a complex case, Eli and Spencer find themselves drawn to each other on a deeper level.

· Note about Eli: Her neurodivergence is implied but it's never really said.

· Spanish on Wattpad. English isn't my first language, be kind!

· Masterlist

The case we were working on kept progressing, and with it, the pace at the BAU was becoming increasingly hectic. They had been intense days, but the truth is, I was starting to feel more comfortable within the team. And amidst all the pressure and workload, Spencer and I had begun sharing small gestures that, though seemingly insignificant, were starting to mean a lot to me.

· P O V E L I ·

That morning, I arrived at the building earlier than usual. I hadn’t slept well, my mind restless from the case and how it was affecting my daily life. I walked into the office with a desperate need for caffeine. "Ugh… My God… I’m wiped out, I need like 18 coffees…"

When I entered the bullpen, I dropped my backpack and a couple of books I was carrying onto my desk with a bit of a sigh, but when I looked up, I noticed something: a black coffee waiting for me with a small note that read, "For a great start to your day – S."

I had to make an effort to contain my smile, knowing exactly who the thoughtful gesture was from. "Okay… Relax, it’s just a coffee." Spencer and I had been working late the night before, and at some point, we had started taking turns bringing coffee or snacks for each other. What began as a practical, casual gesture had become something more meaningful, at least for me, though maybe I was just imagining things…

As soon as I finished reading the note, Spencer appeared at the door, with his usual calm stride and a book in hand.

—Good morning —he said in a relaxed tone.

—Hey… thanks for the coffee. —I replied, raising the cup in a gesture of gratitude.

—It’s nothing —he shrugged casually. —I figured after the night we had, you’d need it as much as I do.

—You guessed right —I said, taking a sip and raising my eyebrows. —You remembered how I like it.

—Remembering things is kind of my thing. —he joked —You taught me how you like it, so I just remembered —as if he needed to clarify that, maybe it was a joke, I’m not sure.

—I guess… Yeah —I responded, acknowledging the obvious. —How are you? Looks like you’ve been here since before dawn.

—Actually… I never left, I couldn’t stop thinking about some inconsistencies we found yesterday —he explained, slightly shaking the cup in his hand.

—Really? I could’ve stayed… "I definitely would’ve stayed" Did you find anything interesting? —I asked, leaning in a bit to take a look at the documents spread out on the desk.

Spencer nodded, pointing to a couple of notes scribbled in the margins of one of the sheets.

—Look at this, I was reviewing the witness statements and noticed there are discrepancies in the timelines. Two of them, who claimed to have seen the suspect at the same time, described completely different things.

I leaned against the edge of the desk, taking a sip of my own coffee as I processed the information.

—Oh… Yeah, I see. It could mean we have more than one suspect, or that the main one is manipulating events in some way to confuse us.

—Exactly —Spencer said, and I could see that gleam in his eyes, the one that always appeared when a theory started to take shape in his mind. I hadn’t been at the BAU long, but I felt like I’d known him for ages. —Let’s not rule out the possibility of an accomplice.

—I think I’ll see if I can find any similarities in past crimes, I’ve got a few ideas swirling around in my head —I suggested, feeling the satisfaction that I might actually be onto something with this and could contribute. —Maybe there’s a connection we can follow.

Spencer nodded again, his attention returning to the documents, but not before giving me another one of those small smiles that I was starting to crave seeing and, dangerously, made me feel warm inside. "Damn it, Eli, enough, get it together."

—That would be great, Eli. Thanks for your help, I think I’m a bit overwhelmed lately… and you… well, just, thanks.

My blush was completely unavoidable.

—It’s… teamwork, right? —I replied, ignoring the fact that my face probably looked like a tomato in the sun. At least I didn’t stutter. I didn’t, did I…?

The next few hours passed in comfortable concentration. Every now and then, our eyes would meet from across the room, sharing small, knowing glances that no one else seemed to notice. Although we remained focused on the work, the atmosphere between us felt different. There was a pleasant undercurrent, something that was starting to grow within those small gestures that seemed insignificant but, in reality, were becoming more and more meaningful.

My phone started ringing; it was García, asking me to join her to review some notes I had made on the profiles. I assured her I’d be there in a moment, but before I could hang up, Spencer stood up and took a step forward. I felt my throat go dry, and I had to swallow when I sensed his gaze on me.

—"Would you… like to have lunch together today?" —he asked, with a slight hesitation in his voice. —"I'd like to talk to you about an article I read on the relationship between psychopathy and impulsivity; I think it could give us some clues for, for the case."

—"Sure, I'd love to." —I replied, trying not to sound too excited ”YES, I WANT” —"Shall we meet in a bit?"

After that last brief but intense interaction, "she's always so dramatic", I headed to García’s office. I was starting to realize that things were changing; I was no longer just interested in coming to work for the challenge of solving a criminal case… The small acts of kindness and the conversations we shared had begun to build a bridge between our seemingly different yet so complementary personalities.

I went to see García, not wanting to keep her waiting. She was, as always, surrounded by screens, with her mechanical keyboard producing a soft click as her fingers moved at lightning speed.

—"Ah, Eli!" —she exclaimed when she saw me walk in. —"Come here, little genius in the making. How’s everything going?"

—"Oh, well, I’m managing better, I’m getting the hang of it, thanks for asking ‘Penélope is so nice’." —I replied, placing some reports on her desk.

—"I’m so glad! You’re adjusting quickly, aren’t you?" —García looked at me with a mix of interest and a hint of mischief.

—"Yeah… I think so. Honestly, I’m more comfortable than I thought I’d be."

—"I see…" —she said, letting her comment hang in the air while her eyes sparkled with amusement. —"And how’s it going with Doctor Genius? Still all work and no play?"

—"With… Doctor Genius…?" —I wasn’t liking the direction this conversation was taking, to be honest. —"What’s that about? We work well together, that’s all. ‘Oh my god… Am I that obvious?’"

—"Uh-huh, sure, sure," —García replied, smiling like she knew something I didn’t. —"Well, whatever it is, I’m glad you’re fitting in well. Spencer isn’t easy to impress, unless you’re me, of course. I’m a genius too, maybe even more than him."

—"Oh… uh… Thanks, I guess, Penélope. But really, we’re just working together, although I have to admit, it’s a pleasure to work with him. He’s incredibly brilliant, well, you are too, but you know what I mean. ‘A pleasure? Damn it, don’t say that! Well, it is, actually… What’s wrong with that…?’"

—"It sure is a pleasure…" —García nodded with a little grin.

· P O V S P E N C E R ·

The day went on, and as lunchtime approached, I found myself thinking about how to start a conversation with Eli. I wanted to get to know her better, but I wasn’t sure under what pretext that didn’t involve work. When we finally met in the cafeteria, I felt a bit more relaxed.

—"I hope you’re hungry," —I said as we sat down at a table by the window. —"I brought some of my favorite books on the topic I mentioned earlier."

Eli smiled, taking one of the books I offered her.

—"I thought it was an article," —she replied with a soft smile as she flipped through the book. —"Not that I’m complaining, I actually like it, always prepared."

—"Well," —I said, feeling a bit awkward with the compliment. —"Yes, here’s the article, these books expand on the information, these are related, and these... Well, these just seemed interesting." —I couldn’t help but laugh, I think I can be a bit intense sometimes.

Eli looked at me with curiosity, as if she was evaluating me, then glanced at all the material. After a moment, she smiled like she genuinely appreciated that I had brought all of it, not in a way to make me feel better, but because she was truly interested.

—"You know?" —she said, looking up from the book. —"I never thought I’d get along so well with you. At first, I thought you’d be... I don’t know..."

—"Hard to deal with?" —I asked with a self-deprecating smile.

—"Something like that," —she admitted with a soft laugh. —"Well, we all have our prejudices."

I couldn’t help but laugh too, surprised at how easy it was to talk to her.

—"I’m not the best at socializing," —I confessed, fiddling with a napkin. —"I feel more comfortable with books and data than with people, but... I don’t know, with you it’s different. It’s easier."

I could swear my comment made her a little embarrassed, that half-smile she sometimes had, which I loved, appeared.

—"Data provides security, I get it, I also find refuge in it, but..." —she said, pausing as if reflecting on her own statement. —"They’re just collections of information made by people, and people make mistakes... sometimes data, statistics, books... can be wrong, or the information evolves with society, there are advancements... etc. Maybe I’m rambling, I don’t know where I was going with this, really. I meant to say that... Well, I don’t know, I don’t remember, sorry." —She let out a small laugh as if laughing at herself.

Her brief reflection made me smile. Every little interaction we had helped me get to know her a bit more in detail, to understand how she worked, and I liked that.

—"No, no, that makes sense," —I said, looking her directly in the eyes for the first time in what seemed like a while. —"I liked your reflection, it makes me feel uneasy, but I enjoyed hearing it."

We continued talking about the case, about books, and about our personal experiences. Before I knew it, it was time to head back to the office. Eli stayed behind, reviewing some data.

The day went on, and I had an unsettling feeling in my stomach or maybe in my throat, like a knot. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. There was something about the way she worked, her willingness to help without expecting anything in return, her kindness… But there was something more, something I couldn’t quite identify.

I decided to step out for a moment to clear my head. As I walked down the hallway, I ran into Luke, who was reviewing some reports near the coffee machine.

—"Hey, Reid," —Luke greeted me when he saw me. —"How’s it going?"

—"Uh… Fine, fine," —I responded, though I knew my tone wasn’t entirely convincing.

Luke raised an eyebrow, clearly noticing that something was bothering me.

—"Alright, Reid, something’s spinning at full speed in that head of yours, and it’s already smoking. Is it about the case? We’re making good progress, honestly I’m glad Emily thought it was a good idea for Eli to collaborate, she’s being helpful."

—"Yeah, well, it was definitely the right call, she... she’s incredible." —Maybe I was being too obvious.

Luke smiled, a gesture that indicated he already knew where this was going.

—"She is... pretty incredible," —he said, nodding with a satisfied smile.

I shrugged, feeling a mix of discomfort and relief at the same time.

—"I’m not sure what’s going on, it’s just that... I’ve noticed there’s something different about the way we work together. And I don’t just mean her professional skill, which is impressive. It’s more... personal."

Luke listened silently, letting the words flow as I tried to organize my thoughts.

—"Wow, you really needed to talk..." —He said in a teasing but friendly tone, leaning against the wall to show he was ready to listen. —"Don’t worry, whatever you say stays between us."

I took a deep breath before continuing, knowing it was time to confront what I had been feeling.

—"I guess… It’s hard to explain," —I began, choosing my words carefully. —"Eli is... different. I don’t know if it’s because of the way she sees things, or because she has a way of connecting with people that makes me feel more... " —I paused, searching for the right word. —"Comfortable. It’s like, for the first time in a long time, working with someone doesn’t feel like an obligation, but like something I actually enjoy. I’ve been so... I don’t know, but with her..."

Luke nodded, as if he understood perfectly what I was trying to say.

—"So, you like spending time with her," —he concluded, without judgment. —"And that... scares you?"

—"Yeah, maybe, I’m not used to feeling this way at work. Really, anywhere. I’ve always kept a certain distance, but with Eli... it’s like that barrier just doesn’t exist. And I’m not sure if it’s something I should be worried about, or if I should embrace it."

Luke crossed his arms, thinking for a moment before responding.

—"Man, connecting with someone like that is amazing, it’s not something that happens every day, it can be a bit scary, but on the other hand, if you push it away, you might miss out on something great. You don’t have to decide anything right now. Just let things take their course. If you enjoy her company, keep going and see what happens. Although..."

His words gave me a certain sense of calm. Maybe Luke was right, maybe I didn’t need to have all the answers right away. I could let things evolve naturally, without pressure.

—"Although..." —That made me nervous.

—"She’s like a sister to me, a pain in the ass sometimes, but like a sister, so I’m warning you, if you hurt her... She can take care of herself, she’s worryingly strong and sometimes scary, so run. Especially if she looks you directly in the eyes, intensely, like... seriously, you know?"

—"Thanks… For the… warning?" —I said, feeling a bit more... concerned. Though I think I was laughing at the way he explained the intense look —"Well, aside from the danger of death... I’ll try to just, I don’t know, not overthink things, I think, if I’m even capable of that. Thanks for listening."

—"Always, man," —Luke replied with a little laugh. —"We’re here to support you. Anything you need, you know where to find me, but never tell her I told you that, okay? Eli can be a bit... well, just don’t tell her."

After our chat, I went back to the office feeling more centered but also a little confused about whether Eli might actually end my life. I reminded myself that I didn’t have to analyze every detail, something I often struggled to accept. Sometimes, things just happen, and that’s okay. Although it’s really easy to say, making it happen…

When I returned to my desk, I found Eli still working, her focus entirely on the screen. I realized there was something calming about her presence, something that made the chaos that often surrounded our work seem more manageable. I approached and sat down next to her.

—"How’s the investigation going?"

Eli looked up and smiled at me, a smile that seemed to light up the entire room.

—"I think I’ve found some patterns that could be useful," —she responded, turning the screen to show me what she had been analyzing. —"I was going through old cases, and there’s a series of crimes where the suspects used disguises or altered their appearance to confuse witnesses. Nothing exactly the same, but there are similarities that could help us understand how our unsub thinks."

I leaned forward, examining the information she had gathered. Her analysis was detailed and precise, and I could see the effort she had put into it.

—"Oh… This is really helpful, Eli," —I said, admiring her work. —"This might be what helps us move to the next step."

She nodded, satisfied with my approval.

—"I’m happy to help. Working with you has been great; I’m learning so much in such a short time. It’s like an intensive internship or something," —she joked.

I felt a warm sense of pride hearing her words. Knowing that my presence and support were helping her grow professionally made me feel like we were building something important together.

—"It’s a pleasure working with you too," —I tried to be sincere.

Eli looked at me for a moment, and suddenly I remembered what Luke had said—maybe he was right. Maybe it wasn’t just professional admiration I was feeling, and maybe I didn’t have to resist it.

When the workday finally ended, I realized I didn’t want our interaction to stop there. We had spent so many hours focused on the case that we barely had time to talk about other things, to get to know each other better outside the office environment. I decided to take a risk. Now or never.

—"Hey, Eli," —I began, trying to sound casual. —"I was thinking… I’ve been wanting to go to an exhibition at the Contemporary Art Museum that ends this weekend. I was… thinking of going, and I wondered if… if you’d like to join me…" —I could feel my confidence waning as I spoke.

Eli seemed surprised by the invitation, but her smile let me know she didn’t dislike the idea at all. Yes, it was that smile I liked. And her reaction… Well, I didn’t expect it, to be honest.

· P O V E L I ·

At the end of the day, as we were getting ready to leave the office, Spencer approached my desk. He seemed a bit nervous, which made me want to smile. "He’s adorable when he makes that face…"

—"Hey, Eli," —I think he was trying to sound casual. —"I was thinking… I’ve been wanting to go to an exhibition at the Contemporary Art Museum that ends this weekend. I was… thinking of going, and I wondered if… if you’d like to join me…" —His nervousness was becoming more and more evident.

I stayed silent for a second, surprised by the invitation. It was such a spontaneous offer that it caught me off guard, but at the same time… The truth is, I was really excited.

"Sure, sounds great" —No, that’s not what I responded, although I would have loved to sound that calm and mature for my age, let’s not forget I’m 29. What actually happened was:

—"REALLY??" —I got way more excited than I thought when he asked if I wanted to go to the museum; I’d been wanting to go for weeks and hadn’t found the time. I wasn’t really aware of my excitement, it’s hard for me to control my intensity sometimes, and I found myself in front of him, touching his arm. —"Of course, I want to go! I didn’t realize it was the deadline already, I’ve been wanting to go for weeks!"

Spencer’s smile widened slightly, his eyebrows raised, and his expression was more like disbelief. "Way to go, Eli, he invites you out, and you act like a ten-year-old with a lollipop, ugh… stop, stop being yourself for a moment and act… act normal, damn it…"

—"I’ll pick you up on Saturday at… ten, maybe?" —He had one eyebrow raised and a slightly amused smile, as if my reaction entertained him.

—"Sounds perfect," —I replied, this time containing my absurd excitement.

We said our goodbyes, and as I walked to my car, I couldn’t help but smile. "AHHHHHHH" —I got into the car, and when I grabbed the steering wheel, I think I screamed a little, I probably looked like a teenager. Even after acting like an idiot, he kept the invitation, I couldn’t believe it.

Saturday took an eternity to arrive, but we both seemed eager for it. He sent me related articles, and we talked about the subject during meals. When Saturday finally came and Spencer arrived to pick me up, the initial awkwardness quickly disappeared. The museum was fascinating, full of pieces that sparked interesting debates between us. We talked about the meaning behind the works but also veered into more personal topics at times.

—"I’ve always found contemporary art hard to understand…" —Spencer admitted while we observed an abstract sculpture. —"It’s like it’s designed to confuse rather than communicate something concrete." —He said with a confused expression.

I smiled at his comment. “I love it when he makes that face… Aww” —"That’s what I like about it. It forces you to think outside the box, to question what you see and feel. Abstract art was born to oppose established norms. The birth of photography was a huge revolution; when it was no longer necessary to faithfully represent pompous society… Artists could be free to challenge social conventions."

He looked at me with an intensity that made me feel a little nervous. But since he didn’t interrupt me, I let myself go.

—"Sometimes art… the beauty of it, is letting yourself be carried away by its forms and colors, assuming that you can’t control it and that what it tells you might not be what you perceive because your sociocultural and emotional context isn’t the same as the artist’s. I mean… I’m talking too much, but y-you get my point, right? “You don’t even understand it yourself, how is someone else going to understand it…” I wasn’t sure if what I was saying was convincing him or boring him. I usually held back when I liked a topic; I always had the feeling that I bored people when I talked, so I got used to that, to being quiet more than talking. I don’t know why I felt so comfortable with him. “Of course you’re talking too much… shh”

—"You mean that maybe I need to learn to stop trying to find a concrete meaning in everything, a reason, and just enjoy it."

—"Yeah, I guess so, that sounds good." —I laughed. —"When I talk, it sounds much more… chaotic."

We continued exploring the museum, but as we went on, the atmosphere between us became increasingly relaxed and comfortable. There was something about the way our conversations flowed that made everything seem natural, as if we had always been friends.

When we finally left the museum, we decided to continue the afternoon in a small nearby bookstore. Spencer and I shared a fascination for books, and spending time in a bookstore was the perfect ending to an already special day.

· P O V S P E N C E R ·

The walk after leaving the museum was pleasant, full of conversations about topics that had nothing to do with work. In fact, work was the one thing we didn’t talk about all day. We discussed books, music, places we wanted to visit someday. I was surprised by how easy it was to talk with Eli, without any effort.

—"Do you have a favorite book?" —I asked as we walked leisurely, without any particular direction.

—"Yes, I do," —she responded quickly, smiling at the question. —"The End of Eternity by Asimov."

I don’t know why it surprised me that she liked Isaac Asimov.

—"It’s not one of his most highly regarded books."

—"Are you surprised, or is it just me? That book is amazing, it has everything, it’s… perfect."

I couldn’t help but be completely captivated, always so enthusiastic about everything she likes, you can’t help but feel infected by it. —"It’s a great book, that’s true."

The sun was starting to set, tinting the sky with shades of orange and pink as we continued walking peacefully.

—"Thank you for inviting me today, Spencer," —we were heading towards the subway station. —"I really needed this. Starting at the BAU has been intense, and this… I needed it."

—"I cleared my throat, looking away for a second, feeling a warmth in my chest that I hadn’t experienced in a long time. —"I needed it too. Sometimes it’s… easy to forget that there’s a world outside of work."

We stayed silent for a moment, walking side by side, and I couldn’t help but think that there was something more in this silence, something that didn’t need to be said but that we both felt. It was a connection that was beginning to take shape, but we didn’t dare express it in words.

When we reached the station, Eli and I stopped, realizing that our routes diverged here. However, neither of us seemed ready to say goodbye just yet.

—"Spencer," —Eli said, breaking the silence. —"Um… I wanted to tell you something…"

—"You can tell me anything," —I replied softly, leaning slightly toward her to show that I was ready to listen.

Eli seemed to hesitate for a moment, as if searching for the right words. Finally, she took a deep breath and spoke.

—"Well, it’s nothing special, just…" —she said, nervously —"Since I joined the team, I’ve felt a bit out of place, and I… sometimes feel like I have to prove something. But with you, it’s been different. I feel comfortable, like I don’t have to try so hard to be accepted."

The sincerity of her words touched me more than I expected. I knew how difficult it could be to fit into a team like ours, where the pressure was constant and the expectations high. I felt a wave of empathy for her and a need to let her know that she wasn’t alone.

—"I understand how you feel. But from day one, you’ve proven to be a valuable part of the team."

Eli smiled, but it was a shy smile, as if she wasn’t used to receiving that kind of praise.

—"Oh, okay, well… Thank you," —she said quietly. —"…For making it easy for me…"

—"I haven’t had to make it easy, it’s been easy." —I admitted, my voice barely a whisper. —"It’s not common for me to feel comfortable with someone. Usually, I’m pretty… reserved," —I added with a conspiratorial smile, scratching my neck. Eli laughed softly, nodding.

—"Yes, I’ve noticed," —she said in a playful tone. —"But I like that part of you. There’s something comforting in knowing that you don’t have to talk all the time for things to make sense. Silence with you never feels awkward."

We stood there, at the entrance of the station, while the flow of people came and went around us. It seemed like the whole world was in motion, but the two of us were in a bubble, a moment suspended in time.

Finally, I broke the silence, finding the courage to go further.

—"Maybe we could do this more often," —I suggested, hoping I didn’t sound too eager. —"Go out and talk about things that aren’t related to work, I mean… It doesn’t have to be anything formal, just… more of… well, this."

Eli looked at me, and I could have sworn there was a small smile on her lips.

—"I’d like that," —she replied, her voice soft, almost shy.

I nodded, and I think I held back a sigh of relief and joy. I had the feeling that in just a few hours, something had changed between us. Something that, though still subtle, was taking shape with every small gesture, with every word shared.

We said goodbye with a smile, knowing that what we had started today wouldn’t stop there. There was a mutual understanding.

As I headed home, I couldn’t stop thinking about Eli, about how easy it had been to open up to her, about how much I wanted to spend more time together. For the first time in a long while, I felt like I was on the right track, not just in my career but also in my personal life. Although it might be that I was getting ahead of myself, at that moment, that’s how I felt.

· P O V E L I ·

On Monday, when I arrived at the office, I found a small note on my desk next to a coffee. The handwriting was Spencer’s, and as I read it, I couldn’t help but smile, biting my lip. As if that would somehow contain the redness of my cheeks.

"Thank you for Saturday, it was amazing. Here’s a little gift, something I thought you’d like. - S"

Next to the note was a book, carefully wrapped. I unwrapped it with curiosity and found a beautiful edition of my favorite book, "The End of Eternity" by Isaac Asimov. I think my heart was beating so fast that I almost had a heart attack. “Oh my god… I’m dying…” Not only had he listened to what I said, but he had also made an effort to let me know that he was willing to share something that was important to me.

“…He’s adorable.”

· Requests via DM ·

[vargaslovinghours]

Requestober 2023: Vargas Edition

The playlist has returned for this year! There will be a few in between, but it should be updating at least once a week on either Wednesday or Friday or both - keep an eye out for your req(s)!

I considered a couple different lines for day 1 - there are just so many Narrator lines that could work for Scriabin! Any of the many times where the Narrator is being sadistic, it all just works. Plus, it’s fun to imagine Scriabin trapping Edgar in the same way, just shoops a wall right into his path haha

But in the end I went for one of the tags I left myself on the original TSP/Vargas crossover doodles, it does still live in my head rent-free after all. You can see in the background that those “invisible” tears were intended from the beginning as well :3c

There’s also something funny to me about Scriabin using the word “rubbish” haha ♪ How posh

Edgar, as usual, getting blame for something that was definitely his Narrator, I mean Scriabin’s fault lol

I really wasn’t sure what to do with day 2 at first - I’m too scared to watch any of the SAWs, or look them up on YouTube >~< I tried finding transcripts with stage direction or people describing them in text online but I couldn’t really find anything, I really do appreciate my friend for telling me about one haha. Even with that though, I still had to do a lot of guesswork! Something about wrists, fear, not doing well - Scriabin is very cute hiding behind Edgar but it’s still not very obvious what the theme is, huh?

I was able to find a very brief animation of I think? the trap that had been described to me but even that was a bit much for me :’D I was a very wimp that day! I didn’t even have it in me to draw the trap itself in the sketch! There’s something a bit ominous about not being able to see into the trap completely, only the blood pooling at the bottom ♪ But I’m still happy I went with what I did in the end, though I did have to change Scriabin’s dialogue from fear to accusation - though that tracks for him haha

Day 3 was silly and therefore easy to whip up haha ♪ The angst is done, the blood is done, this leaves only kisses! Any opportunity to use my pencils to make kiss-marks, I will take lol. Clearly this is what the prompt was pointing at! Obviously! Lol

If you look, Jake’s lips are painted pink and Scriabin’s red, and they have each other’s lipstick marks on their faces lol - I am attention to detail when it comes to kisses ♪

I did still end up making an alt even after pretty much decided on the first one, it’s still fun to think about Scriabin interacting with Jake before he gets his own body ♫ He’s so smug lol, at least they’re easy to cover! Ish! Mostly! Probably itch tho lol

Day 5, yaaay some Biblical Edgar <3 I have been out of practice drawing wings lately so they’re basically just Big Shapes here lol, it’s all about blocking out the space they’ll take for when it’s cleaned! I am quite happy with how he turned out digitally, his cute face ♥

Day 7 got a couple passes as well before settling! It’s a theme lol, though there were both kidverse! The prompt mentioned “brothers” but that doesn’t necessarily mean when they were kids - they can be silly and sibling-like even After, they have the range. Still, Edgar pushing him on the swing as a kid was a cute idea so I’m glad I at least scratched it down haha. Why’s he so heavy? He’s dense ♪

The alt was the winner tho! I love how much like a bug Scriabin looks here haha, how could he have possibly seen this coming??

Day 8′s sketch was done outside in the dark actually, stargazing very appropriate!  You can kinda see me go back and forth on their clothes in the moment lol, Edgar’s striped shirt visible on his upper arms underneath his long sleeves and I still ended up going with a scarf! I also planned to make their breath clouds but I forgot them in the end, that background took up a lot of my focus lol. Also how come Edgar’s feet turned out better here than in the final version >:P

Gaster! A warmup for Day 9 since it’s been a bit since I’ve drawn him, especially with the cracks in his face! Scriabin is annoying his offscreen so it still totally counts as being Vargas-themed lol

Their poses were a bit subdued initially so I knew I wanted to try again, but at the same time there are a lot of elements here that I liked! Especially their hands, Gaster holding his hands in fists at his sides rather than speaking to Scriabin through sign language, and Scriabin with his flourish-opened palm, inviting ♪

Actual pose skeletons lol, though Gaster’s was a bit top-heavy. It all worked out in the end at least :)

Day 11 was a very fun concept! Turning Scriabin into an Enderman was an especially fun idea if Edgar could figure/find out that he could hide from him using a pumpkin mask, though I’m sure that would make Scriabin mad as well once he found him haha. Just sneeaaak quietly behind him, he’ll never know! Also the pumpkin having Edgar’s glasses, goatee, and scars carved into it haha <3

All the same, I’m glad I went with what I did - Scriabin’s pose is so much more dynamic! Very fun! His hands and his legs, and the way his coat flares out! Plus putting his Ender teeth on display was a lot of fun haha ♪ Poor Edgar can’t catch a break no matter what world he’s in, at least I didn’t actually turn him into a sheep lol

Day 12, yaaaay I finally got to Uncle Jake! So nervous <3 Don’t break the baby, don’t hurt him don’t move too much ahhh! Haha, terribly cute ♥ I do still really love how confident Edgar is here - he’s usually so nervous around Jake, but oh how the tables! Dadgar with a support system <3 His FWB comes to say hi to his son, it’s very wholesome hehe ♪

Day 13 was actually drawn way of out of order, between several of the later days and even day 12 I think lol, it’s so hard to convince my brain to listen to new music haha. It was quite a lot of fun making the text not look like it’s “spoken,” outside of a text bubble hehe, I don’t do that too often! And of course still deeply inspired by his palette challenge, it is too pretty to not pull from every not and again <3

Honestly I initially had no ideas for day 14, and yet this was still the only sketch I ended up with! My earworm at the time came in clutch, honestly do listen to Everything In You it’s such pretty yearning starcrossed song ah <3 All these musical doodles haha ♪ Sweetness sweetness <3

And of course when they’re that close there has to be a kiss! Scriabin is surprised, but how much? :3c Edgar giving Scriabin kisses of his own accord 💖 That theme never really left me either hehe

Day 27, the last Vargas day! Had to get in one Snake Charmer before the end huh haha ♪ It’s too bad my Ladyverse!Naga idea was a bit too long or I would’ve done that, but I’ll never turn down the potential for pretty clothes! And spiders for that matter haha, I went with the Acanthoscurria Geniculata - Brazilian Whiteknee again :) As much as I love Scriabin as a Bold Jumper, tarantulas just have such gorgeous proportions! And of course, I always enjoy drawing Lady!Scriabin, so it was doubly fun to draw her as a spider :)

That’s all of this year’s Vargas sketches! A fun bunch! And it was fun to mix a few others in as well :D

[marta-bee]

Continuing on with book-Good Omens. Let me just start with two general observations.

Neil Gaiman, or possibly Terry Pratchett, or both, are just ridiculously funny. The humor shot throughout here is some of the cleverest things I’ve read in a long time. The parentheticals! Mister Dowling being so painfully British in a provincial way given the antichrist meant to be cosmopolitan and international, just.... all of it.

Those chapters are just so durned long. Any editor worth their salt would break this one into at least three or four, and boo on them, because I can’t imagine anything being quite so fun as the way the different sections weave together in such interesting ways. It just keeps going.

More substantively, let’s talk about Crowley again, and evil, and people being people. Because one of the aspects I’m finding most interesting in this opening chapter is how it’s not being good or evil that makes you good or bad. Or destructive. Or the characters I should root for or against at an intuitive moral level. I’m actually having a failure of language here, but speaking as a philosopher even so early it’s something that strikes me as a very interesting take on the concepts. True, and also real.

Take this description of one of the chattering nuns:

Sister Mary Loquacious has been a devout Satanist since birth. She went to Sabbat School as a child and won black stars for handwriting and liver. When she was told to join the Chattering Order she went obediently, having a natural talent in that direction and, in any case, knowing that she would be among friends. She would be quite bright, if she was ever put in a position to find out, but long ago found that being a scatterbrain, as she'd put it, gave you an easier journey through life. Currently she is being handed a golden-haired male baby we will call the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness.

And then later:

Most of the members of the convent were old-fashioned Satanists, like their parents and grandparents before them. They'd been brought up to it and weren't, when you got right down to it, particularly evil. Human beings mostly aren't. They just get carried away by new ideas, like dressing up in jackboots and shooting people, or dressing up in white sheets and lynching people, or dressing up in tie-dye jeans and playing guitars at people. Offer people a new creed with a costume and their hearts and minds will follow. Anyway, being brought up as a Satanist tended to take the edge off it. It was something you did on Saturday nights. And the rest of the time you simply got on with life as best you could, just like everyone else. Besides, Sister Mary was a nurse and nurses, whatever their creed, are primarily nurses, which had a lot to do with wearing your watch upside down, keeping calm in emergencies, and dying for a cup of tea. She hoped someone would come soon; she'd done the important bit, now she wanted her tea.

It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.

Usually when we talk about good and evil not being as starkly different, there’s an element of moral nihilism, or at least relativism, this feeling that that means everything is equally right or wrong. And again I’m struggling with language here because good/evil and right/wrong are usually thought to be, if not synonyms, at least strongly parallel concepts. So if you don’t have good and evil or they don’t function in the same way, then of course you affect right and wrong in much the same way. But this seems to be doing something quite different. Good and evil are more like warring tribes than moral distinctions, what we should root for and against. But there’s still something of morality shot through here. People may be people which means liking dressing up on a Saturday night apparently, and that may explain why they’re just as likely to dress up in white sheets or jackboots as tie-dye; but of course the result is nowhere near the same.

And Crowley gets that, probably better than anyone.

Crowley had always known that he would be around when the world ended, because he was immortal and wouldn't have any alternative. But he'd hoped it would be a long way off.

Because he rather liked people. It was a major failing in a demon.

Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves. They seemed to have a talent for it. It was built into the design, somehow. They were born into a world that was against them in a thousand little ways, and then devoted most of their energies to making it worse. Over the years Crowley had found it increasingly difficult to find anything demonic to do which showed up against the natural background of generalized nastiness. There had been times, over the past millennium, when he'd felt like sending a message back Below saying, Look, we may as well give up right now, we might as well shut down Dis and Pandemonium and everywhere and move up here, there's nothing we can do to them that they don't do themselves and they do things we've never even thought of, often involving electrodes. They've got what we lack. They've got imagination. And electricity, of course.

One of them had written it, hadn't he . . . "Hell is empty, and all the devils are here."

Crowley had got a commendation for the Spanish Inquisition. He had been in Spain then, mainly hanging around cantinas in the nicer parts, and hadn't even known about it until the commendation arrived. He'd gone to have a look, and had come back and got drunk for a week.

That Hieronymous Bosch. What a weirdo.

There’s an interpretation I read years ago, that Crowley’s brilliance as a demon comes down to project management, not hatred or bile or the like, and that that doesn’t make him less demonic. I like that and quite agree with it; it makes him much more modern, and much more influenced by humanity I think, than Hastur and Ligur; but it’s obviously not getting in the way of him doing a good job. What’s so interesting here is this isn’t a project that requires a lot of management at all. 

Is it the deep affect of sin? The world is corrupted and broken etc.? That seems completely wrong for this book, and, for the record, my personal moral and theological intuitions. Or is it that there’s something about the demonic that’s integral to the Great Plan that it’s sort of hard-coded into humanity? The asking of questions, the breaking of things so change is even possible? Or, more uncomfortably, is this need to hurt somehow more natural than we’d like it to be? The flipside of the urge to protect, perhaps, paired with the much less admirable tendency to divide groups too large for us to really bond with into us and them, our side and people our side needs to be protected from?

Maybe. I don’t have hard answers here for myself, let alone for Neil and Terry. But what I do see is Crowley is sd about that. He’d torture and hurt because that was his job, but I think he also wanted humanity to be better than that. Which they are, some of them and some of th time, but when they aren’t: hoo boy. It hurts him. It hurts me. But damned if it isn’t also compelling. I’m definitely looking forward to how this distinction (or lack of same) develops. 

.... And on that note, I just saw Aziraphale’s name mentioned for the first time since the Garden. This seems like a good place to stop and read other things so I can return refreshed, because as I said these chapters are long. 

[breakerwhiskey]

242 - TWO HUNDRED FORTY TWO

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Transcript under the cut. For more episodes, click here.

[click, static]

‘Keep going north’—very helpful. Not at all an answer to the question I was asking, but…okay. What the hell. Why not. It’s guidance of a sort, I’ve got nothing better to do and I actually haven’t been to—

[click, static]

I guess I shouldn’t say where it is I’ve been or haven’t been, given that that might give us away, the state we’re in now. Then again, if Fox can find us wherever we are and tell Junior…

[click, static]

But, okay, fine. We’ll go north.

You know, Harry’s got a lot of opinions about you, Birdie. If I didn’t know any better, I might say that she’s jeal—

[click, static]

She’s not very pleased with you. She’s…frustrated. Which I get. I’m pretty much always frustrated with you. But I still like you, for some reason. I still like talking to you. I’ll never forget the first time we spoke, really spoke, in dits and dashes. I don’t think I’d ever experienced that kind of joy before. Not until I found Donnie.

Harry…Harry did finally get an apology out for that. For her part in that. For the part I feel she played. She cornered me in the kitchen this morning—we’ve been staying in this little house for the last week, I think we’ve probably got to move soon but for now we’ve been getting by. Though it is weird to be in a new space with her. She’s always somewhere I don’t expect. But I guess I don’t really expect her anywhere anymore. I’m so used to not seeing her.

I keep trying to not see her, if I’m honest. I’ve spent a lot of time in my car, scanning all the open channels and looking at my atlas, trying to figure out where we should go next. Even when we’re in the same room, I try not to look at her for too long. Because I know that if I do, I’ll—I’ll let her talk to me. I’ll let her apologize.

Apparently she wasn’t keen on waiting for me to cave. She withheld the hot water and stood in the doorway and wouldn’t let me leave or get tea until she said her piece.

It was clear that she’d practiced it. Or, at the very least, come up with a plan of what she wanted to say.

She said she was sorry for Don. That she had never wanted anyone to get hurt, that she’s lived every day in terror since Junior showed up at the house. Terror that he would catch up to her or, worse, catch up to me. That’s what she said. That it would be worse.

And she said, straight out, that she does feel responsible, for all of it. She always has. Even when we thought it was nuclear war or some rampant disease, she thought it was just…the universe punishing her. She seemed…annoyed, that I’m the one the universe chose to punish for my decision. Almost like she’s offended that she’s not the main character of the world.

Maybe that’s unfair. Probably that’s unfair. Maybe she was annoyed because she doesn't want me to be punished. She did say—she said I didn’t deserve it. That I didn’t deserve any of it, that she would take on the burden by herself if she could.

She also did assure me that she had no idea about any of this—the timelines, Birdie and Fox, the direct consequences of my actions. She really was just scared that something terrible would find us if we left the safety of our house and I guess she was sort of right about that, even if she didn’t know it for certain.

She said she’d do anything to make it right. That all I had to do was tell her what I wanted and she’d do it.

I have no idea what I want. She can’t fix the things that are broken and I also…I wouldn’t know how to make demands of Harry. I’m too used to being the person who steps into line, I wouldn’t know where to begin making a new path.

Anyway, going north. We’ll do it. At least I’ll have someone in the passenger seat with me this time.

[click, static]

[married-2-the-music]

K-pop Discography Deep Dives: BTS (Part ONE)

A Disclaimer: I was planning, when I first started Tumblr, to be a lurker, but then I began an office job and needed something to listen to to keep myself occupied. And then, I started going through entire K-pop groups’ repertoires, album by album, and jotting down my thoughts. And then, I stumbled into K-pop tumblr and decided, you know what, there’s at least four people on this hell site who would read in depth rants about these discographies and at least five who wouldn’t read it and then get mad because it’s kind of our job as K-pop fans. My lukewarm takes should be taken with an entire silo of salt and the knowledge that this is completely for fun and occupying my very bored, very neurodivergent brain. All this to say, for the love of god, I’m a sleep-deprived student and I don’t have time for internet hate, so don’t kill me. With that being said, enjoy!

So, my credentials: I’ve got nothing this time, folks. I’m not an Army; I’m too casual to even be a casual fan. I like most of what I’ve heard, based on friend recommendations, but I have no idea how representative of their work the songs I’ve heard are. I know the group members’ names, but barely anything about them, although I’m always open to learning more. The reason I wanted to do this deep dive is because I’ve been a k-pop fan for almost five years now and I’ve heard every opinion between “BTS is the second coming of Christ” and “BTS is responsible for the collapse of society,” and I want to make up my own mind, free of influence.

Since BTS has over 200 songs, I’m also doing short supplementals each week, both to give myself and you guys a break and to look at groups / soloists with discographies too short to need a full week (because this is gonna be a dissertation and I’ll have to separate it into two parts). So, grab your lightstick, get some ice cream, steal a fluffy dog, and settle in folks. Let’s do this.

BTS, as you probably know, is short for Bangtan Sonyeondan, or Bulletproof Boy Scouts, and debuted in 2013 (they just had their tenth debut anniversary) and they have seven members: Jimin, Namjoon (RM), Taehyung (V), Jin, Yoongi (SUGA), Jungkook, and Hoseok (J-hope).

First things first, I love a good intro, and the loudspeaker is funny; 2 cool 4 skool is not what I was expecting. I’m not the biggest fan of “I’m too cool for you” hip-hop personally, but I can respect We Are Bulletproof (p.2) for the fact that the message doesn’t feel empty. I believe what they’re selling, even if I don’t want to buy it. To be honest, I’m a singer, and I listen to artists to hear their singing voices, because I know that they can sing beautifully.

On the album I’m much more a fan of Like, although I prefer the slow mix from their later work. The rest of the first album gave me a bit of whiplash to be honest, but I can appreciate how unique it is, both in k-pop and music as a whole. The skits are very odd, but they did make me feel like I know more about the members than I would about an average k-pop group from their album; I can see why so many people became fans early on.

On O! R U L8 2?, N.O. immediately caught my attention with the interesting instrumental and the sing-talk and singing combo. I did enjoy it more than We Are Bulletproof, because of the melody, but I liked it, didn’t love it. (I could’ve done without the growling). Most of the b-sides aren’t for me, but I do want to talk about Coffee and Paldongangsan.

I did like Coffee (especially the harmonizing on the Baby~~ part of the chorus) but I really didn’t like the rap verses. I don’t have anything against them being there in theory; raps can be done in a quiet, calm way (like in “Child” by Mark from NCT), but it’s not happening here and they feel very out of place. It’s all well and good to rap excellently, but you need to have some variety or else everything threatens to feel the same.

But, my hidden gem from this album is definitely Paldongangsan. Look, one of my majors is linguistics, so it’s no surprise I went wild at this song. It’s about the different dialects of Korean (which originate from different places there) and the stereotypes associated with each one, and it ends with Namjoon yelling at the rest of them to stop ragging on each other for their dialects and be accepting because it’s all the same language anyway. It was actually the first BTS song I heard, about two years ago (barring Dynamite, of course), because an Army friend of mine recommended it to me. I’ve never heard a song like it before (or since for that matter) and it’s remained on my Top 25 K-pop songs playlist ever since.

Anyway, digression over, and onto the next album, Skool Luv Affair. Boy In Luv is definitely a turning point in their discography, with its drive and rock elements. I wish it was more melodic, as I always do, but it grew on me after a couple more listens and it's my favorite of the title tracks so far. Hidden gems for this album are Just One Day and especially Outro: Propose (which I wish wasn’t so short, because I thought it was pretty good.)

With Dark & Wild we turn another corner. Danger intrigued me from the first part’s guitar riff and interesting instrumental. Although I was a bit wary, the set-up of the pre-chorus, pay-off of the chorus, and earworm of the post-chorus reassured me. It’s the first single from this deep dive that I’ve liked on 1st listen. (The “don’t get me confused” is stuck in my head now.)

War Of Hormone arrives with a record scratch and a bombast of horns. And arrives is the right word: it makes its presence known. I really enjoyed this one, and I even replayed it a few times. At its best moments, it mixes very different parts together without feeling like whiplash and becomes anthemic. I especially love the contrast between Namjoon’s scratchier, lower voice and Jungkook’s higher notes, and of course, harmonizing, my one true love. It’s a bit of a dumb song but they don’t take it too seriously and I appreciate that they aren’t afraid to laugh.

This album was also a turning point for me when it came to my enjoyment of their work; I didn’t really dislike any song on it and the better balance of rapping, sing-talk, and singing made me less reactionary towards the raps that were there. There’s more variety in the raps themselves too: sometimes they’re upbeat, sometimes they’re pensive, sometimes they’re angry, but they don’t all sound like they’re trying to kill me through my earbuds. Improvement! Also, showing some vulnerability helps balance the more boastful songs that are there, so I disliked those less too.

Yes, I’m fully aware that their rapping is technically very good, I just don’t always enjoy it. I appreciate songs like Hip Hop Phile and their meanings, but appreciation still can’t make you like something that you don’t like. As for what I did like, my hidden gems for this album were Let Me Know (which finally lets them sing and be open with their feelings), Could You Turn Off Your Cellphone (harmonizing again), and Look Here (very odd but I enjoy the horns).

I Need U is surprisingly calm in its intro and is very much poppier than the last few title tracks have been, with more of an anguished edge than a youthful “I’m cooler than you” edge, which I appreciated. I liked this one. It’s much better at balancing the harmonizing with rap and the instrumental (which is very interesting, by the way) than the previous songs, and I can see how it sets them on the path after that leads to their more melancholy and contemplative title tracks further down the line.

Run works as a good foil; it’s pretty upbeat, which does make sense given that it’s (somewhat) a love song. I love the way the chorus surges forward and even though it’s poppier than the others, it doesn’t feel like they’ve lost their identity. It still feels like a BTS song, basically. It’ll probably be making an appearance on my gym playlist, which is never a bad thing.

As a side note, I love that so many of their songs embrace the idea of full pre-choruses, choruses, and post-choruses, because it makes each track feel more intentional and lived in, not like they’re trying to fill space on an album or have empty space. In the k-pop songs that are on my top 25 (of which two are BTS), this holds true for the vast majority of them.

Dope is a song that, like War Of Hormone, feels like it arrives, not begins, with its “Ladies and gentlemen”, and I love the build-up that it has leading to the chorus. But…it just doesn’t have enough payoff to that build-up for me, with an empty, shouty chorus and more lyrics about how great they are. I know a lot of people love it, but it has too many of my pet peeves to get past. Sorry, guys.

In the same vein, I should like Fire. I love an explosion of a chorus and I adore a song about burning down the system as much as the next witch. I love the lyrics, and I think that pre-choruses are good and the bridge especially is great. But I don’t like this song. At all. It comes dangerously close to grating one too many times for me, and embraces all of the worst aspects of their early material with none of the charm that had me chuckling with, not at, the first few albums. I’ve mentioned many times how much I hate an anti-drop and this song does absolutely nothing to change my mind. I expect the cursing to the heavens to come in in about 3…2…1…

Save Me is the last single from the album, and the most similar to the BTS songs I’ve heard before: ethereal, wispy, ruminating, and with a soft electronic background. I do like this one, although I wish the last chorus had more of an end (like I was a bit confused when the next song started) and I wish the main rap was a bit calmer to fit with the rest of the song. It’s at its best when it allows their voices to just be and meld with each other.

I have one main hidden gem for this album, which is Butterfly. It’s no surprise that I love this one with how insane I am about harmonizing and vulnerability, but I really do love it. I feel like this should’ve been a single instead of Save Me, to be honest. All of the main gripes I have with it are remedied here: the chorus is fuller, the ending feels earned, and the raps are just calmer enough that they don’t stick out like a sore thumb. I also appreciated Taehyung’s voice more than I have in the past, and I’m glad for him in the chorus.

Also, speaking of vulnerability, I also, somewhat surprisingly, like the intro of the Most Beautiful Moment In Life, although I didn’t plan to on first listen. I appreciate that this song doesn’t try to paint them as above the world or better than anyone, but embraces the genuine emotion that they’re so good at conveying. It’s such a raw expression of exhaustion that I felt sympathy even before I looked up the words, which is pretty damn powerful.

And….breathe. Would it surprise you to learn that we’re only in mid 2016? Yeah, yeah, me too, kid. This is where Part 1 ends, I do my Supplemental for the week tomorrow (a boy group who I highly doubt you’ve heard of), and we all go touch some grass and eat some Doritos. K? K.

I’ll see you next week, for both Part 2 of this odyssey and a girl group supplemental!

[toast-tales]

In the World of Monsters, P17

Read on A03  |  Chapter masterlist can be found here

Nathan decides to face his fears. Contains g/t safe, soft vore, a reluctant predator/willing prey, language, and a good bit of angst.

Hard to Swallow

"...what?" Christopher asked, wide-eyed and blinking as if he hadn't heard Nathan right.

Nathan breathed in slowly, trying to hide the anxiety in his voice. "Just listen. If it's a bad idea you can shoot it down, but I think it's the best chance we have if I...can do this."

Nathan did not look down towards Danny as he began telling them his plan. He was barely keeping himself together at this point—seeing what was surely a horrified, disgusted expression on her face would make him lose his resolve. It made him feel sick to his stomach even thinking about it.

Once he had finished relaying the full extent of his idea, an uncomfortable silence fell between them all.

"I...won't deny that's the best plan we've come up with so far," said Christopher slowly. Nathan could almost see the cogs spinning in his brain as he stared distantly, before meeting Nathan's eyes with a concerned expression. "But...Nathan, I mean, there's a reason I didn't suggest you eating Danny earlier. Her size aside, I know how you feel about that. You don't have to force yourself, we can figure something else out—"

"No!" cried Nathan, his voice coming out a bit louder than intended. He could feel his pulse quickening, but tried to take another breath to calm down. "It's just...you're right, I really don't want to, I think it's horrible, but if it's what it takes to free the humans..."

A quiet voice next to him interrupted his train of thought. "Nate..." He looked down, slowly, feeling shame creep into his face as he finally met Danny's eyes. But there was no disgust, no hatred in her expression—only sympathy. "You really don't have to do this if you don't want to. We'll figure something else out."

It's not like YOU want to either, he thought bitterly. "Danny...you can't be the only one who makes sacrifices here. I've been too scared for too long, and because of that, I couldn't protect you when you needed it. The least I can do is try this, if it means we can free those humans and keep you safe. You've been...so brave through all of this. I can only try to be as brave as you."

He wanted to hold onto her tiny hand so badly, but felt like he'd crush it with all of the nerves building up in his body.

Danny just stood there as he spoke, giving him a pained look he couldn't quite figure out. She nodded as he finished, seeming to understand his position. He noticed that her jaw was clenched—seriously, she couldn't be okay with this, could she?

Christopher spoke up, breaking the tension. "Have you eaten anything recently, Nathan?"

Nathan thought back, not having considered that. He felt like an idiot—a woefully underprepared, careless idiot. "Not since about noon," he said, oddly thankful for the empty feeling in his stomach now.

Christopher nodded. "If you're serious about doing this, I think it would be best to start with something...smaller. To get you used to the process. Eating Danny at her current size isn't easy for experienced giants, much less one who's never eaten a human before."

"Um...like, a different human?" Danny asked skeptically. Nathan had to admit, as uncomfortable as he was with the idea of eating his friend, eating a stranger seemed...worse.

Christopher was already halfway to his room. "Oh, god no. I've got something to help practice."

Nathan felt both relieved that he could practice with something that wasn't living first, and a bit grossed out that something whose purpose was to practice eating humans even existed.

Just a few minutes later, Christopher emerged with something small in his hands—what looked to be some kind of featureless, vaguely human form made of red silicone. Danny was eyeing it strangely.

"It's obviously not the same, but it will be the best place to start for you." Christopher placed the limp, rubbery figure in Nathan's palm. He could feel a sinking weight in his gut, knowing that both Danny and Christopher were watching him expectantly now. It was like the worst stage fright.

He held the figure up by its torso, trying not to think about how the faceless doll-like thing looked like it was judging him too.

Slowly, he placed it into his mouth, easily closing his lips around the entire thing. He could feel his throat run dry as it rested heavily on his tongue. Just do it. Don't think about it, just do it.

He tilted his head back to swallow, but his tongue reflexively got in the way as soon as the first part of the doll touched his throat. He choked, sputtering, and coughed the doll back into his hands.

"Aaand that's why I figured you should try with that first."

"Geez," Nathan gasped, "What the heck? Isn't this supposed to be easy?"

"Well," said Christopher slowly, glancing toward Danny with a slightly uncomfortable expression. "You kind of have to...well, saliva helps it go down easier."

Oh good lord. Nathan breathed in, steeling himself for another round of humiliation. "Any other tips?"

"Relax," said Christopher simply.

Repressing the urge to roll his eyes, Nathan decided to close them this time. He placed the doll back into his mouth, turning it over with his tongue a few times to hopefully help it go down easier. He was not looking forward to when he'd have to do this with Danny.

Tilting his head back again, he swallowed, focusing on keeping his tongue out of the way. He felt the figure slip deeper into his throat.

"Swallow again," said Christopher, with the trained and level tone of a medical practitioner giving instructions for a physical exam. "You're almost there."

The figure in his throat was not as painful as Nathan had imagined it being. It felt like his body was built to transport something of that size into his stomach, which did not make him feel better about any of this. With a final swallow, he felt it disappear further as a weight sank into his middle. It was in his stomach.

"See? That wasn't so hard." Christopher smiled gently. It made Nathan feel like a kid, as if Christopher was about to offer him a bandage and a lollipop.

Nathan did not feel relieved. "But...how do I make sure I won't digest it accidentally? What if I get scared and something happens? How do I get it out?" It was just a doll inside of him, but he could feel hysteria creeping into his voice as he thought about all the ways he could hurt it. All the ways he could hurt Danny.

"Hey. Listen. I'm going to walk you through it, okay? You're fine." Christopher moved his chair closer to Nathan until he was right next to him. "Everything's fine." He looked Nathan squarely in the eyes, his dark irises intent and focused. Nathan couldn't look away, not even if he wanted to.

"You are not going to accidentally digest anything. Your body naturally does not want to digest humans. It's really hard to do without eating actual food along with the human, and even then, it has to be very intentional."

"Wait, so does that mean you threatening to digest me was a fucking bluff?" Danny crossed her arms and glared at Christopher.

Nathan narrowed his eyes, a bitter, icy resentment crawling into his throat. His mouth set into a thin line.

Christopher gave Danny a pleading look, as if to say shut up about that. "I said really hard, not impossible. And that was a long time ago."

"About a week, you dickhead," Danny retorted.

Nathan felt the anger bubble up inside of him and spill out of his mouth. "I'm sorry, Christopher, you what?"

Christopher averted his eyes. "Listen, that's not important right now—"

"I'd say it's pretty damn important," snapped Nathan.

Christopher sighed, rubbing his temples wearily. "The first night I took Danny, I threatened it because she was fighting me. I didn't actually plan on doing it, though. I just wanted her to settle down. Seriously, I wasn't going to hurt her."

Even if Christopher was being truthful, it made Nathan want to smack him. He might have done it, too, if he hadn't felt a tiny hand on his arm. Danny looked up at him with a half-baked grin. "Hey. It's okay. I can give him shit for that later, but just focus on this for now, alright?"

Nathan sighed, letting his tense muscles relax slowly as he focused on Danny's touch. "Alright. Fine. What do I do now, Christopher?" He took the opportunity to meet Christopher's eyes like a challenge again—something he seemed to only be able to do when he felt he was defending Danny.

Christopher was quick to adopt his clinical tone again. "You're going to push upwards, underneath where you can feel it in your stomach. Once you push enough, your body should help with the process and it will come back up your throat. Put a hand on your stomach, see if you can feel it."

Nathan did so, but apparently he hadn't placed it in the right spot, as Christopher reached out to correct him. Nathan tried not to flinch away from the touch, but his hand stiffened and recoiled a bit as Christopher very lightly moved it to the correct position.

Christopher averted his eyes hurriedly, his hand still on Nathan's. He had definitely noticed Nathan's aversion to his touch. "You're going to push right here," he said, pressing Nathan's fingers gently into a soft spot just underneath his stomach. He let go, and moved his chair back further, putting more distance between the two of them. "Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be," said Nathan wearily. He took in one long, deep breath and then pushed upwards where Christopher had indicated. He felt the doll's weight move upwards and then into his throat—it was the strangest sensation he'd ever felt, especially considering he wasn't choking.

"Once you feel it in your throat, you can move it up with your fingers from the outside to help, but it will mostly move up on its own." Christopher moved his fingers up and down along his throat and Nathan copied the movements, feeling relief as the doll finally entered his mouth. He reached in and pulled it out, breathing in deeply.

He'd done it. Not with a real human, but still. It was over.

He looked down at the silicone figure in his hands—covered in saliva, but no worse for wear otherwise. He gratefully accepted a small towel from Christopher to wipe off his hands with and place the doll in gingerly before setting it aside on the table.

There was another uncomfortable pause as the three of them sat in silence, not sure how to proceed.

"Well?" said Nathan finally. "Am I ready for the next size up?" He felt himself grimacing at his own words.

"Wait, you mean you're going to eat me...right now?" Danny's eyes widened as she looked between Nathan and Christopher. Christopher, for his part, looked just as surprised.

"If we go through with my plan, I'd rather my first time eating you not be in the Black Dragon," he said flatly.

"That's a fair point," muttered Danny. He saw her shake a bit, and his resolve nearly flew out the window.

"It would be a good idea to practice, yes," said Christopher, somewhat hesitantly. "But it's going to be a little bit harder this time." He gave a halfhearted grin. "I'm going to assume you don't want a demonstration first."

"No," replied Nathan and Danny in unison.

Christopher sighed. "Then I'm going to have to help guide you a little bit more. Are you okay with that?"

Nathan met Christopher's apologetic gaze. "Is it going to hurt Danny?"

"Danny is going to be fine. You have to go slow to focus on not choking, okay?" He seemed genuinely concerned for Nathan, and considering Nathan had almost choked on the normal-sized doll, maybe the concern wasn't unfounded.

Nathan nodded, feeling a bit shakier now that the moment of truth was upon him. He looked down at Danny, who had seemed to muster up a bit more courage.

"Are you ready, Nate?"

Nathan's heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest as it thudded loudly against his ribcage. He tried to grin. "I should be asking you that, Danny."

"I'll be fine," she said, laughing with a smirk. "It'll be better than dealing with him, anyways." She jabbed her thumb toward Christopher, who chuckled weakly at her retort.

Nathan nodded and held out his hand for Danny to climb into. He carefully lifted her up in front of his face. This feels wrong, he thought, looking into her big, trusting eyes. He tried not to focus on her shaking, but it was impossible to ignore. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Danny gave a very unconvincing nod.

"Hey. Remember what we talked about, okay, dollface?" Nathan raised an eyebrow at the nickname—and then realized that Christopher was talking to Danny. His eyebrows furrowed. "Just focus on your breathing. It's going to have to go a little slower than with me. If anything happens, I can get you out. You're going to be okay, Danny."

In lieu of a response, Danny gave a thumbs-up with her back to Christopher, though Nathan could see her smile falter.

"Now," Christopher said, meeting Nathan's eyes in a question. "Are you ready?"

I have to be brave for Danny. He nodded, finding that was easier than actually saying "yes." "Um...Danny...what way would be...easiest for you?"

She blinked, seeming to have to think about it. "Feet first, facing away from you."

She turned around in his palm to face Christopher instead, who was watching her intently. "Oh, and don't pick me up by my sides. It kind of hurts."

Nathan obeyed, somewhat awkwardly repositioning his fingers around her torso as he lifted her up. She stood up with the movement, though he hesitated and left her feet still touching his palm.

"Just go a little bit at a time, the same as before." Christopher moved his chair a little closer, ready to help.

Nathan wished he could vanish—he wished he was under the covers at home, in his room, without Christopher's dark eyes staring at him or Danny waiting to be devoured in the palm of his hand.

I have to be brave for Danny.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes—no way could he do this while looking at Danny—and as slowly and gently as possible, lifted Danny up and placed her feet in his mouth.

He didn't taste it until his tongue brushed against some exposed skin around her ankles, but he was still not ready for the intense flavor. It was something that was beyond description and unlike anything he'd ever had before—well, it was something he'd only tasted once, when Christopher had forced Danny into his mouth. He shuddered at the memory. He still couldn't see what all the fuss about the taste of humans was about—it felt like his senses were overloaded, although maybe that was just his anxiety talking.

Begrudgingly, he moved his tongue slowly around Danny's legs, preparing himself for what would come next. His mouth was full and he was only up to Danny's knees—how the heck would he be able to do this, anyways?

He tilted his head back and took a deep breath through his nose before swallowing. He felt his heart jump as Danny's feet entered his throat, taking up much more space than the tiny doll had before. His eyes flew open in fear and he saw Christopher instinctively reach out towards him—not touching him, but with hands near Nathan's throat.

"Just keep going. This is the easy part. Keep swallowing."

Nathan was not looking forward to whatever the hard part was. Once Danny had begun to enter his throat, it got much harder to use his tongue to coat her in saliva. He had to hold each new part of her in his mouth for a bit, sucking as gently as possible and feeling his face go red with shame as he did so. Just keep going. He closed his eyes, focusing only on swallowing and the motion of his throat, and tried to focus less on what he was swallowing. Though her taste was...fairly distracting, and made the corners of his mind fuzzy. A few swallows later, he had all but her head inside of his mouth.

Danny noticed him pause. "It's okay, Nate. Go for it."

He made the hardest swallow he'd had to make so far, and took Danny's head into his mouth with it.

Once his lips had closed behind her, it got easier to finish the process, and one last swallow took his friend all the way into his throat.

He could breathe, but not well. He still needed to swallow a few more times to get Danny all the way down. His eyes shot open as he felt Christopher touch his hand and move it up to his throat. Christopher guided his hand, massaging the bulge in his throat that was Danny to help her go further down.

"Keep swallowing," Christopher repeated gently. He could tell that Nathan had started to freeze up. Nathan obeyed, his previous worries replaced with the need to breathe properly again.

Finally, he felt Danny's full weight sink into his stomach. This was not like the doll at all. Just as he thought it was done, more of Danny filled his stomach until he felt more full than he'd ever felt before—but it wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, it was...nice. A wave of something close to relief flooded over him as he felt all of his muscles relax, slowly. For a moment he felt lightheaded, like he was on a cloud.

This...this is what the fuss is about, isn't it?

He felt his anxiety slip away as he took in a few more deep breaths. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so...calm.

"How are you feeling?"

Christopher's voice snapped Nathan back to reality. The growing realization of what he had done sunk back into him, and he looked slowly down at himself, lifting his shirt to see a small bulge under his skin. The sight of it made him queasy. "Oh my god," he breathed. "I...I did it. I...Danny? Can you hear me?"

"I'm okay, Nathan." He heard Danny's small, muffled voice come from his middle. A tiny handprint appeared as Danny pressed against the inside of his stomach—something that made his insides flutter in a strange way. He placed his own hand over hers, gently cradling the small distension of his stomach. Her voice—not frightened or angry—made him relax, but just a little.

"It feels good, doesn't it?" Christopher was looking at him expectantly, an uncharacteristically sincere expression on his face.

Only for a moment, thought Nathan. Until I remember that I ate my friend. The feeling of Danny inside of him felt much more normal than it should have, but neither Christopher nor Danny could convince him that he should be enjoying this. "I...I want to get her back out," he said. He felt his stomach clench, as if opposed to the idea. This only served to increase his fear.

"Okay, okay," said Christopher gently, moving closer to him. "But this is going to be the hard part. Luckily, if we go by your plan, you won't have to do this until we get away. But I'm going to have to help you right now, okay?"

Nathan nodded, trying to cling onto whatever sense of calm he'd felt earlier to ease the anxiety clawing away at his chest.

"We're going to do the same thing as before, but you have to go slow. If you feel yourself choking, stop and readjust. Try not to panic. Okay?"

There were few phrases that caused as much anxiety as "try not to panic." Nathan nodded, trying not to think about panicking. "Okay."

Christopher moved his attention to Nathan's stomach. "Danny, are you ready?"

"Y-yeah," came Danny's voice, sounding a little more hesitant than before.

"Remember what you did before," said Christopher, a slight smirk on his face. "You'll be fine."

Nathan tried to ignore the implication that Christopher had eaten Danny multiple times already. The way Christopher spoke to Danny was...unexpected, to say the least. He was acting so gentle and patient with her, and despite the obvious snark from Danny, they seemed to have...well, something at least friendship-adjacent going. But it was very different from the way Nathan interacted with Danny. There was something else, but Nathan couldn't put his finger on what.

"Alright." Christopher locked eyes with Nathan, instilling him with one last bout of confidence. "You can do this, Nathan."

Nathan breathed in and out a few times to mentally prepare himself for whatever was coming. He just wanted to see Danny again.

He pressed into his gut just as he had before, and when he didn't feel anything happen, Christopher moved his hand again to the right position. This time, Nathan didn't flinch away from the touch—he was too preoccupied with the feeling of Danny suddenly moving back up into his throat.

At first it was fine, though he had to push a little more than before. Danny didn't seem to be struggling at all. But as what he thought to be her shoulders pushed their way further up his throat, he felt his intake of air get cut off. The sudden asphyxiation sent a wave of panic coursing through him, and he temporarily forgot what he was supposed to be doing.

"Stop and readjust." Christopher's urgent voice was colored with a hint of worry.

Nathan got a handle on his fear, and used his other hand to move the slight bulge in his throat until he could feel air in his lungs again. He inhaled deeply through his nose before continuing, moving even slower than before now that he knew what he was trying to avoid. He only encountered a few more blockages before, mercifully, he could feel Danny emerge into his mouth. He reached in to pull her out, and felt relief as she grabbed his fingers. Slowly, he was able to remove her completely, and she fell into his palm in a soggy heap.

She inhaled deeply, taking in deep lungfuls of air as she hugged her knees and closed her eyes. Nathan had barely looked up before Christopher handed him another towel—how does he always seem to have a towel on hand like that—and he accepted it, carefully draping it over Danny and drying her off.

"You did it, Nathan." Christopher was smiling softly, looking...impressed? He looked toward Danny, who Nathan had placed carefully on the table. "And you too. That's the longest you've lasted without passing out, so congrats." His smirk returned.

Danny looked up at Nathan and...smiled. Covered in saliva, hair absolutely disheveled and stuck together with spit, clothes soaked...she still smiled at him warmly, the same way she always did. "I knew you could do it, Nate."

Nathan felt a blossom of warmth in his chest that helped to overshadow the horrible, creeping sensation of guilt. "I'm...I'm sorry, Danny..."

She shook her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. You were...really brave, to try this."

Nathan bent his head down and held Danny close to the side of his face in the best hug he could manage. "Thank you, Danny. I'm just glad you're safe."

She wrapped her tiny arms around his face in return. He noticed, out of the corner of his eye, that Christopher looked away.

"Ugh," Danny said finally, "I am absolutely starving. Christopher, when's dinner?"

The giant in question's head perked up at her words. "I can get started right now. I'm pretty hungry myself." He looked expectantly toward Nathan. "You'll stay for dinner, right?"

"Uh...well, my mom was going to make dinner, and she's probably expecting me back..."

"Oh, come on, Nathan, you're an adult," Christopher scoffed.

"Aw, Nate, please?" He couldn't say no to Danny's insistence—especially considering she was asking him as she was sitting there covered in his own saliva.

"Well, I suppose...it's the least I can do. But I'm going to have to leave after."

Christopher beamed before getting up and walking towards the kitchen. "Sounds like a plan. Oh, and you can use the bathroom down the hall to help Danny wash up a bit. I'm sure she'd appreciate it."

"Yes please," said Danny eagerly.

Nathan smiled to himself. The past few days had been crazy, and he still felt so unsure about...well, everything. But at the end of the day, even if eating her had felt wrong and weird, even if he still didn't like the fact that she had to stay with Christopher, Danny was okay—and that's all that mattered.

* * * * * * * * * * 

Part 18 ->

And with that, the gang is one step closer to the rescue plan coming together...but they’ll need the help of one more ally. Who? Well, better stay tuned for the next part!

Thanks for reading!

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

Lately I’ve been having really bad body dysphoria due to some medical stuff happening, and to cope, I’ve wanted to write something to project a little on a favorite character.

And seeing as how I binged a lot of DW this past weekend, I’m going with Ten.

Warning: scars, gender stuff, the author is projecting and deserves to with how the past few weeks have been 

On with the fic!

--

Sometimes he was rather happy he had asked the TARDIS to bring back and repair the mirrors since his previous regeneration removed them. For a while, he had avoided them, even with how vain he found himself to be.

The Doctor loved the new face, loved the sideburns and long legs, the nice, strong hands, the little mole on his back, heck, even the freckles were a fun touch!

But there had been... some things he found he didn’t like.

Granted, regeneration was a gamble, you never knew what you’d get when changed. The Doctor had no idea what would happen when he changed, he really thought he’d get older. Or blue skin, he was weirdly thinking about rainbow skin like this one species he had ran into, their colors changed depending on their mood.

But nope, he was a regular Time Lord! 

Or.

Well.

To most humans, he’d probably be a Time Lady.

He had no idea of the changes until well he had made it back to the TARDIS after his Christmas Day sword fight and change out of his jimjams. Rose had told him that she had helped to dress him when he was unconscious, her mother and Mickey having no idea. 

She had said that it was odd there was a chest to him, nothing serious, just... there, but thought it was a Time Lord thing. The Doctor explained to her the situation, that while he knew he was more male-leaning, the body... was not. At least by human standards, gender was a lot of nonsense to his people, though some had their preferences. He didn’t care, to be honest, pronouns were not really important, but he felt very, very uncomfortable with having a breasts. 

Felt wrong, he wanted them gone.

Course, he couldn’t just pop over to Gallifrey and get the work done that Time Lords and Ladies did to change things in a regeneration, so he was stuck with alternatives. 

Running was easy with a binder when you had a different breathing system from humans, he learned.

Rose was fine with all of this, which made things more comfortable for the Doctor. Still... would be nice to not have to wear a binder or deal with hating mirrors when he was shirtless.

Martha was understanding, having accidentally found out when the Doctor, during an adventure, had gotten hurt and she went right into doctor mode. She examined the wound, didn’t say a single thing while doing so, but afterwords he explained the situation.

Good ol’ Martha, she was good about helping him with some of his issues. Yeah, she wasn’t that kinda doctor that helped with the emotional stuff, but she was good at listening to his problems when it became too much.

Donna had been the one to suggest he just get surgery on an alien planet. To be honest, the Doctor hadn’t... really considered that. Hadn’t even crossed his mind! Too many other things going on all the time, and he had considered things on Earth, but that was a whole lot of nonsense that really was screwing people over.

But he took her advice, got into contact with Novice Haim, who was able to get him into the hospital on New Earth. 

Well.

Not the same hospital, that one was still being investigated, considering that it had to be on hold for a while due to the whole... city shutting down mess. But still, he had gotten the surgery done.

Now the Doctor found himself in the bathroom of his personal room on the TARDIS, the last of the bandages removed. He was finally able to see what he had been wanting for himself for years now.

The scars were still healing, clever cats were able to make sure it only took a week for everything to be patched up well. Scarring was still a thing, even so far into the future, but that was alright, can’t solve every problem.

Gingerly, the Doctor touched at the pink lines under his pecks, they tickled a little. He smiled as he looked at his reflection, turning from side to side. He felt better, a heavy weight was lifted from his shoulders. His smile grew into a grin, oh, he loved this, it was great! Plus, he couldn’t hate the scars, they looked pretty amazing! 

There was a knock on the door. “Oi, space man! How’s it in there? Everything shipshape?”

The Doctor opened the door, seeing Donna standing in his room. She looked at his chest, then at his still-grinning expression. “Love the upgrade?” She asked, smirking.

“Oh, you have no idea. Loved the new look already, this just made me love it even more.”

“Course it did, ya prissy thing. Come on, button up your shirt, I don’t need to see my best friend’s chest like this.”

“Aw, but what if I take us to a beach-based location! Lots of sand, sun, shore, cute boys.” He teased and that got her attention. “I’m not ready to button up just yet, I deserve to have a bit of freedom without being uncomfortable, yeah?” 

Donna hummed, but smiled, nodding. “Alright, we’ll hit up a beach, but make it a good one, with an open bar! You can run around all you want with your new tits on display for the universe to see, just remember to wear sunscreen, yeah?”

The Doctor nodded, feeling giddy. “Go back a beach bag, I’ll find us a good place.”

“I’ll hold you too it.” She winked, leaving the room. 

The Doctor turned back to the bathroom, looking at himself once more, nodding in approval. He knew that the negative feeling was still there, always would be, but he felt so much more comfortable as himself right now that he was not going to let this bother him.

He hoped he’d get to keep this for a while, he wasn’t quite ready for any more changes. Though maybe one day the Doctor might enjoy being what is considered more feminine in appearance? Nothing wrong with that! He just wasn’t ready for that with this body, that could wait!

--

She looked at herself in the mirror, all blonde hair and rainbows, then gently touched at her chest. “Well,” she said, smiling as if she realized a joke, “guess the wait is over.” 

--

Sorry if this seems all over the place, but this is how my mind works when considering myself. NB trans masc, that’s me, that’s how I picture the Doctor in this little au thingy or whatever this is. 

Well, until the end, then she’s non-binary, but more comfortable with her body. (Obviously, it’s Thirteen).

In my mind, when she changes to Fourteen, it’s Ten’s body again, scars and all. 

I’m not tagging anything for this except my fic tag. 

[veeloopz]

About Torches & Beyond, I was wondering how far do you have it planned out? I have plans for a comic myself and I'm afraid to only start working on it when I have everything perfectly planned out, was wondering how it is for you and if you plan to develop it as you go along or if you know where do you want it to head. May sound silly but you definitely serve as inspiration for me with how much you have done so far. Your art is incredible by the way.

My planning process is super wacky lol… I have the ending planned out and bits and pieces for the middle??? I know where I want it to end basically, and I have general scenes/character developments I know I want to get to… for writing out actual issues it’s kinda hard because I have to piece together those concepts and make it make sense to readers lol. So it’s kinda a big mix of “I have a specific plan but I also write along the way”!

Thats the way I write at least, I can’t have it totally perfect to a T because it’ll drive me up the wall if I have to follow a set of “rules” I made for myself. I like to have it open ended so if I randomly come up with a cool idea or a small scene I can just simply plop it in when the time is right!

Lots of things in my story has changed since I started writing it, also. When I was younger, it was actually going to be Sabrinia had gotten lost in the woods and sent into a magical world where she meets PK… it was very very different lol. Something’s have stayed the same, and something’s evolved over the time I really found what I wanted the overall vibe to be.

I have DOZENS of comic pages, sketches, concepts and ideas in a huge binder and a big folder from over the years, along with many google docs of timelines, scene ideas, and just ideas in general that I’ve either kept since the beginning/along the way! My process isn’t really perfect but it’s organized in a way that I can understand and remember things lol.

For goodness sakes Sabrinia was going to be a human for a while lol. She was a gardener who hated her job because everyone bullied her about it. Geffory was one of those people… she’d hit him with a broom when he’d get on her nerves lol. Lily was always going to be the way she is, and there’s a specific turn of events that has always stayed the same since I came up with it!

I have about 100-ish pages of the comic I wrote as I thumbnailed them… this was when I started to take the whole “I think I want to make a comic” very seriously! I was just like you with it, I was really afraid about just starting it. But doing these quick thumbnails and finding ideas for what I wanted to happen next/taking scenes and ideas I already had in my brain really helped me feel more comfortable with how I wanted it all to be! Granted, back then the story was different with how I paced everything, it was very quick and chaotic lol. The High Ruler had these weird snake things in his back it was a fun time haha.

All in all, what I have planned is where I want the characters to be in the long run. Then I fill in the bits and pieces! Of how they got to be there! It’s complicated but it can also be super fun :) I’ve noticed that I grew with my characters as well, funnily enough lol.

I hope this helped kinda!! Nothing I do is really perfectly written or planned, some of it is I suppose, but I’m not really the type to plan anything exact??? Because what if something happens and the plans just kinda crumble down into pieces?? Yknow?? :O

Thank you so so much for the ask, I’m glad I could maybe help you out even a teensy bit <3 It is such an honor to be an inspiration to anybody, it’s crazy to think I am at all! And thank you for the super kind words!! I hope all goes well with your comic! If someone as sporadic as me can keep up a series like this I know for sure anyone else can :) I’m totes looking forward to it, I bet it’ll be awesomesause >:P

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

Hehehe (¬‿¬)

Robb/Jeyne W

Ramsay/Theon/Jeyne P

Mel/Selyse

Beric/Thoros

And a single unproblematic one:

Grenn/Pyp

Hi Tânia...

R0ßß x Jeyne (W)

I really liked your interpretation of them + a few other authors, but what attracts me the most of it is the mystery in the relationship and since fandom has decided to hold a very (almost insultingly in my opinion) idealistic view of R0ßß it has lost some of it's appeal for me. Weirdly enough I still love them a lot, because they embody some aspects of Germanicus & Agrippina, a couple that I really love. And I overall really like Jeyne and how courageous she is. So yeah, my problem comes mostly from the R0ßß's characterisation always being that of a selfless saint who sacrifices himself for her honour (or worse, gets roofied).

Theon x Ramsay x Jeyne (P)

“oh my god, we have the same abusive boyfriend”

hellish polycule. I hate it. I genuinely hate Ramsay so much. People keep making Theon the whump protagonist in fanwork by having him suffer, but I want Ramsay to be my whump protagonist. I can't stand that motherfucker. I hope he has the least climactic death in the story because he is simply not worth it. I don't want neither Theon nor Jeyne to ever come near him again because him dying while thinking that they are gone and safe is my favourite fantasy. It would be a huge slight for him.

On the other hand, this is kind of canon and I enjoy all the canon. I love the canon ships for what they are which, in this case, is plain horror. I want to gorge my eyes out whenever I think of it. They make me want to scream. The dynamic in fanwork is less interesting to me because most of the time it just ends up being gratuitous smut or Theon being in love with Jeyne during their captivity which is a huge no for me. (No hate to anyone who enjoys either of those things, they are just boundaries) but if written as in canon (that is implicitly and as horror), then yeah, I'd read a fic.

But viewed through a less serious lens Ramsay CANONICALLY and simultaneously acts as the matchmaker, the third wheel, and the sicko lurking on the window I can't-

Melisandre x Selyse

I read it as one-sided canon. It's probably not intended by GRRM, but I do. I know for many people this is a mostly comedic ship not to be taken too seriously or the one they use to write $tav0s without having to fully disregard the women, but... Repressed sapphic who is head over heels for a religious extremist who wouldn't hesitate at burning her alive if her god demanded it...oh how relatable. + there is the entire topic of faith

Beric x Thoros

I really love the themes of reborn faith at the sight of someone who is a living miracle. I know it's not a healthy thing in real life, but I love exploring the idea of someone finding a purpose and a cause in the world because of one (1) single person who reignites long-forsaken hope in another. Especially if that person dies later on. + a bit of borderline necrophilia meets Robin Hood. @/mylestoye described them once as:

"this is my lover I’ve pulled him from the arms of death six times & though every time he’s a bit more faded & a bit more lost I feel I can’t let him go, he is a symbol of my religion he reawakened my belief & faith, I will follow him & care for him for as long as I can"

Grenn x Pypar

"If Pyp wanted to call me aurochs, though, he could. Or you, or Jon." - Sam II, ASOS

I know it's completely insignificant and GRRM didn't think anything while writing it, but I loved that division. Two sentences. Not one. He had to add it as an afterthought. I remember there was someone on AO3 who wrote exclusively for them in English and Spanish and I used to compare the translations trying to analyse the text. Need to revisit those. They just give me warm happy feelings

[mervardent]

Let me braid your hair. Chapter 1

Chapter 2 is here.

Nick on AO3: MervArdent

Ship: Albedo/Aether

Characters: Albedo, Aether, Paimon, Kaeya, Rosaria, Sucrose, mentioned Barbara

Tags: fluff, romantic fluff, emotional hurt/comfort, first love, friends to lovers, fluff and humour

Chapter 1

Dragonspine was cold and dangerous. An obviously obvious statement. And yet, Aether this one time underestimated it a little. A few snowflakes falling from the sky surprisingly fast transformed into a snowstorm which kept getting stronger and stronger.

"P-Paimon doesn’t want to become a flying icicle."

Even though she was right next to him, Aether could barely hear her through the storm.

"Well, technically speaking, at this moment, you’re not flying."

"An unremarkable detail," answered Paimon from under Aether’s coat. The wind would blow her away if she tried to go on her own. "Are we near?"

"I think so, it’s hard to notice anything."

To be honest, he had no idea where they were. All he could see was the whitest whiteness possible, with occasional spots of gray. Was he even walking in one direction, or just kept going round in circles?

Then he noticed something green. It was the weirdest possible color in a place like this, and the most beautiful one at the same time. A whole wall of green! He sped up.

Up close, Aether noticed that said green wall was in fact a densely growing ivy. He could think of only one reason why it was here: someone made it. And he knew someone incredibly good at alchemy who was his only hope in this situation.

"Albedo? Albedo, are you there?"

Silence.

One.

Two.

Three.

"Al-"

"Come in."

Aether carefully pushed the ivy aside and stepped in. The camp looked exactly like always, except the fact it was now cut off from the world. Even though he could still hear the wind, it was much calmer inside.

"It isn’t wise to stay in the mountains during such weather." Albedo stood with his back to Aether, looking at two bottles with  unidentified contents. Probably he was in the middle of some experiment, like always.

"I could say the same about you."

"But you would be in trouble if I wasn’t here, wouldn’t you?"

"I don’t deny that."

"Look, maybe that’s the reason I’m here – to save the lost wanderers?"

"Both of us know it’s pretty unlikely."

Aether couldn’t see his face, but he’s got the feeling Albedo smiled, at least a little.

"Sit down. I’ll be done with it soon. You’re freezing, I assume."

"And you’re right!" Paimon got out from under Aether’s coat and flew closer to the fire. „It’s a true nightmare outside, NIGHT-MARE."

Nothing was said since then for some time. Tired, Paimon fell asleep on Aether’s lap while he was silently watching precise, smooth movements of Albedo. Sometimes he muttered something under his breath. He was in his own world right now, and Aether definitely didn’t want to be the one who will get him out of it. It was weirdly relaxing to watch him like this. Finally, the alchemist turned around.

"Done. What are you doing on Dragonspine right now, again?"

"Just a commission."

"Just a commission isn’t worth your life."

"The weather was nice most of the time. It got worse after we started going back."

"I see." Albedo sat down next to Aether. „Why are you still wearing the hood?"

"Ah, I’ve completely forgotten!"

The moment Aether took off his hood, Albedo smirked.

"Your hair is a complete mess."

"Well, it was a hard day for them."

"Yes, indeed."

A bit of awkward silence. Crackling fire. Wind noise. Dim light.

"Let me braid your hair."

"Huh?"

"Just like you said: it was a hard day for them. They deserve some love."

"Y-yeah, sure."

Aether let his hair down and turned to Albedo. After a moment, he felt a delicate touch on his head. He shuddered slightly. It was this a little weird yet pleasant feeling when someone was brushing your hair. Kind of electrifying and relaxing. Suddenly a second felt like an hour.

"You have really long hair. I don’t notice it so much when you have them in a braid."

Aether didn’t know what to say, so he was just sitting still.

"It has to be kinda troubling to take care of them, isn’t it?"

"Well, yes, sometimes. To be honest, there was… someone who always was helping me with braiding my hair because it takes me so long to do it myself."

A few seconds of silence.

"Your sister, right?"

"…Yeah."

Thoughts of Aether gone very far away. Even he didn’t know exactly where. To the time when they were travelling together? To their first meeting in Teyvat? To the Abyss? What was she doing right now? Was Enjou with her? Was she safe? Why didn’t she want to be together with his brother, just like in good old times?

"Don’t slouch." Aether would probably have thought up a thousand more questions, but Albedo made him come back to the camp.

"Sorry."

"Don’t apologize."

Albedo was slowly finishing his hair. Aether didn’t know why, but he got the feeling the alchemist was deliberately taking his time with it.

"You know, my master gave me… a rather weird goal. But there must be a reason why, isn’t it? Sometimes we simply cannot develop when we stay forever with the same person. Just as flowers, we need time to grow."

Aether smiled.

"Kinda poetic."

"Maybe." Albedo moved away. Aether immediately felt emptiness. "I finished."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

"No, not for this! I mean… also for this! But for your words, too."

„No problem, I said."

They sat just as before, but now it was more awkward. Out of nowhere, the silence was broken by Paimon’s snoring. They both burst out laughing.

"W-well… Now… Let me braid your hair," said Aether without looking at Albedo.

"But they’re perfectly fine."

"As a thank you!"

"You already thanked me a moment ago."

Aether sighed in frustration.

"Why do need to make everything so complicated, Albedo?"

He smiled. He must have smiled!

"Okay, if you insist so much…"

"I insist."

The roles changed. Aether mentally pleaded his hands not to tremble so much. It was normal. Perfectly normal. Nice and normal. Something all friends do.

Albedo looked up at the ivy. The snowstorm continued. It should be midnight by now.

"It looks like you will have to stay here till the morning."

"Yes, sorry about that."

"No problem." Albedo turned to face Aether. He hesitated about something.

"Hey, I didn’t fini-"

He came closer. And closer. And then their faces were as close to each other as possible.

Snow. Wind. Dancing shadows. Perfect silence.

[aeoki]

Ghostic: Haunted - Chapter 6

p>Location: Medical Office Characters: Touri, Yuzuru, Eichi & Wataru

< A few minutes later at the ES medical office. >

Yuzuru: …No, it’s not that I feel unwell.

I cannot make my “unit” members worry so would I be able to use the bed for a short while?

…Thank you very much. Then, I will sleep for a while.

………

< At that time, in the ES dance room. >

Touri: ♪~♪~

♪~♪~♪

Eichi: ? What’s wrong, Touri? Your movements have been a little hesitant for a while now.

Are you perhaps worried about Yuzuru?

Touri: …Yeah. I can’t fool you, huh, Eichi-sama. I didn’t expect Yuzuru to be feeling under the weather, so I can’t really concentrate.

But it’s rare, right? Yuzuru has never taken a day off from his butler duties, so I can’t believe he’s resting right now.

It might be rude of me to say this, but I’m surprised to see that Yuzuru is human too.

Wataru: I’m sure Mr Butler must have his butler mask on when he’s with you, Himegimi. He must not have wanted to show his weak side to his beloved Himegimi.

One thing I have on my mind is what is it that has made Mr Butler suffer to the point of removing his butler mask? 

He said he was tired from student council work.

Eichi: Yuzuru said that? Hm, that’s difficult to imagine with someone of his administrative capabilities.

But I can understand why Touri would be worried. Yuzuru is the kind of person who would keep his stress bottled if we didn’t keep an eye out for him.

If you’re worried, shall I phone the medical office? I’ve used it quite often to take breaks, so I’m sure they’ll pick up right away.

Touri: Yeah. It’ll be bad if he’s actually sick. I want to check up on him.

Eichi: All right. Then, wait a moment. I think Sagami-sensei or an attendant will probably answer the call.

…Ah, hello? It’s me.

…Hmm. Yuzuru is there? I see, that’s unexpected… Thank you for telling me.

Touri: What did they say, Eichi-sama?

Eichi: It seems Yuzuru is sleeping soundly there.

It’s just… something intriguing is happening; Yuzuru appears to be having a nightmare.

Touri: What? A nightmare?

Eichi: Yeah. It seems he’s muttering things like, “There’s no such thing as ghosts.” The attendant is saying it must be due to stress.

Touri: Really!? Yuzuru was that stressed…?

I had no idea. We sleep in the same room but he goes to bed later than me and wakes up way earlier than I do, so I never noticed…

Wataru: Despite all that, Mr Butler is human, after all.

He has a strong sense of responsibility, so perhaps he is shouldering some kind of heavy burden.

The only thing that comes to mind is…

For instance, it may be a possibility that only having a small amount of time to spare for the Halloween preparations is stressing the meticulous Mr Butler.

One could speculate that is the reason, and that is why he is dreaming of being attacked by ghosts.

Touri: Ghosts, huh. I guess that could be true.

There was a blackout at Seisou Hall last night, right? I accidentally broke some glass because of it…

Unexpected stuff like that kept happening so Yuzuru must have been really on edge.

Eichi: I see. Your point might be true, Touri.

Generally, when he takes a break after working, there is a delay but it’s not “uncommon” for him to show that he is tired. It must be surprisingly quite difficult for people close to him to notice.

And as if to pour salt on the wound, he has a tight schedule full of preparations for “Halloween Party”, the “ES Haunted House” and personal troubles as well.

Yuzuru is strong so he might be able to handle it if it were only one of those issues, but with all of them at once, anyone would collapse under it all.

Wataru: Hmm. Things are quite difficult without knowing the specific reason~ It’s not like “Tempest Fest” where we must fix something.

At the very least, shall we pray for Mr Butler’s recovery?

Eichi: Praying… Hm, that might be a good idea.

Wataru: …Oh?

Eichi: Since Yuzuru is having nightmares surrounding ghosts, how about this?

Shall we have a purification ceremony done at the haunted house?

Touri: A-A purification ceremony…!?

← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[darkest-hour-stories]

Showcase - A Ballad in the sea of rust part 3

The third part to our epic story continues!

Next | Previous | Beginning

Chapter 3 - Rust 

“The best and worst part about the war, at least for me, was serving with my brother. Me and him enlisted at the same time in Iacon, not out of some blind loyalty to either major faction but out of a position of financial desperation. Money was practically nonexistent and we were surviving off job to job alone. We had stopped sending money home when we couldn’t even feed ourselves. Without any flow of money or energon to Cyberside it became a ghost town.

Most of the community left, heading to the big cities. Those who didn’t or couldn’t leave waited for their loved ones in the cities wouldn’t make it much farther. The southbounders began to break their sacred laws, claiming femmes, the sparklings, and the elderly all the same. Even my sweetheart wasn’t spared, the single worst day of my life. All I knew was Ruby was gone, that blue opticed, red framed femme I courted and fell in love with. All I had now was my brother and my rifle. With that final loss, Cyberside became a distant memory, instead replaced with Autobot Army Enlistment papers. 

My brother and I were separated, I was placed on a reconnaissance and scouting squad while he was sent to the front lines. While I charted maps and established supply lines, my brother fought against the Decepticons head on. My biggest fear was losing him, the only family I had left. I knew the day was coming where some bot with one of those clean never smudged logos would come to me and tell me my brother died. That he died in some stupid civil war that he didn’t even want to join. I spit on the very idea.

I was an excellent tracker for the group, sniffing out and finding my fair share of supplies. Though I missed my brother, the comradery of being a part of such a close knit unit helped me stay altogether. That hole left from the loss of my old family was replaced with the likes of a new one. We refueled together, went into stasis together, joked together, traveled together, offlined together and some became even closer than friends. On one of these curious scouting adventures I even found a Sparkling in the ruins of a city. A blue opticed, red femme, I found it fitting to name her after my lost love, Ruby.

I became a parent to Ruby, teaching her how to hunt and provide. The rest of the mechs in the squad became her uncles and for a minute I had it all again. Even while I worried about my brother, especially when we stopped being able to communicate with each other, the found family was therapeutic. Oh how I wish that it would have stayed that way, but Primus had other plans for me. My last night as an Autobot was spent camping out on the sea of rust.

It had been a long and hot campaign, usually temperature didn’t affect us but when even our afts were buckling under the heat well you know it’s bad. Supplies had started to fall under short supply, the result of a prolonged war on a dying planet. As supplies dried up there was some division bubbling in the ranks. Every mech began to only look out for himself and it became less common to have any military structure or even stay on task. Some mechs had even been reported to have been disappearing in the night, deserting to make their own way. I found something fishy about that, especially since many of them were some of the loyalist mechs I’ve ever met.

 My suspicions must have been noticed because through the night during a short power down the squad made their move. I had been exhausted from the work so decided to power down for a few cycles. My team took that team to strike, I powered on to the actual worst day of my life. To my horror I saw two cybertronians being clobbered and murdered by who I thought were my friends. Firstly was an older Autobot named Kuffer, he had been a veteran of the rebellion against the quintessons.  He was fortunate because he was quick. Though I wouldn’t exactly say it was a peaceful go. 

They had been very sparring with the ammo. Didn’t wanna waste any so they beat ‘em down first then shot him. Beat off his helm then fired on his processor, killing him instantly. They threw what was left in a pit and moved on to the next. It was a sickening sight seeing bots that I had served with for hundreds of cycles turn on us for as little as a scrap of energon. More sickening was seeking the very sparkling I raised next on the chopping block. I couldn’t watch as they took my Ruby away a second time. By the time the deed was done I wanted to just be dead. They had ripped out my spark and ate it too. 

I wish I could say it was quick like the others but well me sitting here telling this story meant it wasn’t. As a bigger bot they had no choice but to shoot me, the only way they were gonna pierce my armor. They started bleeding me out by cutting off my prized positions, they cut off my hands. Completely severing them from my body. I watched him horror as they threw them down the cliff they were throwing the bodies. They were my gift, the accessory to my natural ability but nothing was quite as painful as the next beat down I got.

They shot me in the chest several times with my own rifle. The shots echoing across the sea of rust as they did. As my chest was more and more blown apart my rifle ran out of ammo. Seeing as they hadn’t even got close to my spark chamber, they broke the rifle in half and moved to the next method. Pulling out a club and a pistol they started beating on my helm. Most of my faceplate was destroyed by the time they were done. I had stopped moving, just silently waiting to die. I guess they must have figured I passed because they ended it by throwing me off that cliff with the others. With Ruby & Kuffer, I expected to expire, not for something grand or important, but from a random act of violence. Oh but Primus had other plans for me…”

Inhaling in an empty room, a short sigh escaped Desperado.

“A stranger in the desert, a figure coming to me. Would he be my damnation or my salvation, that I didn’t know. What I did know was that I would have my answer soon.”

Next chapter coming soon