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freyayuki · 1 year

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Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia Aranea Highwind Banner

The Admiration (Intersecting Wills) event just started in the Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia (DFFOO) mobile game. This event came with 1 banner.

Admiration (Intersecting Wills) Banner

The Admiration (Intersecting Wills) banner features the following chars and their weapons:

Celes Chere from Final Fantasy VI - Burst or BT only

Aranea Highwind from Final Fantasy XV - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, LD, and Force or FR

Cait Sith from Final Fantasy VII - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD

Fran from Final Fantasy XII - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD

Have everything on this banner except for Cait Sith’s LD, Aranea’s LD, and Aranea’s FR.

Have a copy of Aranea’s 15cp that has been limit broken once. Have copies of Aranea’s 35cp and Ex that haven’t been limit broken at all.

Thoughts about Aranea Highwind from Final Fantasy XV

I remember that I used to dislike Aranea Highwind from Final Fantasy XV (#ad) in DFFOO. I talk more about that in another post.

That was a long time ago though. These days, I don’t really dislike Aranea anymore. Can’t say I like her all that much either though. I guess it’s best to say that nowadays, I feel neutral towards her. I neither like nor dislike her.

I never felt like I needed her for anything. Never purposely pulled for any of her weapons. Well, I think I might have tossed a few tickets on her debut banner.

But since I wasn’t able to get her Ex and LD, never bothered to do any of her Summon Boards. I did get her Bloom Stone though.

Aranea has triple ATK 108 Artifacts, one of which has Miss Mercenary Boost★★ (Raises INT BRV, MAX BRV, ATK, DEF by 5% while Overclock active) as a secondary.

Now Aranea’s back on a banner again, and I still don’t feel like I need her. Don’t really want her either.

Even if I get her FR, I doubt I’d bother to fully build her and max her out due to lack of resources. So my plan was to just skip this banner.

I was kinda interested in Cait Sith’s LD though. It’s pretty good as a Call ability. I tried to pull for it before but failed to get it.

While it sucks to have missed out on Cait Sith’s LD, it's also true that I never got locked out of being able to do any quest due to not having said weapon.

Sure, there are a few times (very few, actually) wherein I found myself thinking it would have been nice to have Cait Sith’s LD so I could have brought him as a Call, but I’ve always been able to get through a fight even without said LD.

As such, I’m pretty sure I can continue to get by just fine without Cait Sith’s LD. Nevertheless, the fact that his LD is back and available on a banner again has me feeling tempted.

It doesn’t help that I kinda, sorta feel like pulling. I should wait for a new banner but I kinda want to pull now.

And since I’m missing a number of weapons on the Admiration (Intersecting Wills) banner and I don’t have everything here fully MLB already, it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea to pull here even if it’s just for collection purposes.

I don’t know. I mean, I shouldn’t pull here. I should save for other upcoming banners but feeling very tempted anyway. Can’t seem to help myself.

Even if I have no intention of using Aranea for endgame content, even if I know I can get by just fine without Cait Sith’s LD, even if I know a different banner is coming really soon and I’m better off pulling on that banner instead, I still feel like pulling on the Admiration (Intersecting Wills) banner anyway.

Admiration (Intersecting Wills) Banner Daily Free Draws Results

So far, I’ve somehow been able to hold off on tossing tickets on the Admiration (Intersecting Wills) banner. Don’t know how long I’ll be able to manage though.

I've been using my daily free single draw on this banner. As can be expected, I always get either bronze or silver trash.

But one day I actually got a dupe of Aranea’s 35cp. Nice. I readily fused it to the copy I already have.

Didn’t bother to take a screenshot though because back then I thought I’d be able to hold off on pulling on this banner.

And anyway it was just a 35cp dupe. Nowadays, I don’t bother to take screenshots of 15cp and 35cp weapons, especially if they’re nothing more than dupes.

Admiration (Intersecting Wills) Banner Tickets Pulls Results

But much later, I actually ended up tossing tickets on the Admiration (Intersecting Wills) banner. Forgot to take note of how many tickets I had on hand before I started pulling but IIRC, it was around 300+ or so.

Aside from the usual bronze and silver trash, including 10-draws with not a single gold, and 15cp and 35cp gold dupes, also got the following:

Was able to get my first copy of Aranea’s LD after only a couple of crappy 10-draws. Said new LD came from a gold orb.

This 10-draw only gave me 1 gold - Aranea’s LD.

Was down to 327 tickets when Aranea’s LD showed up.

Continued pulling since I’m still missing some weapons from this banner. After a few more 10-draws, I got a gold orb that gave me a dupe of Aranea’s Ex.

This 10-draw only gave me 1 gold - Aranea’s Ex.

A bit later on, was surprised but super pleased to get a Force orb.

Yay! It’s always nice to get a new Force weapon.

Still don’t have any plans of fully building Aranea though. Just don’t have the resources to spare to max out her FR, especially not when I don’t even think I’ll be using said FR.

Once again, this 10-draw only gave me 1 gold - Aranea’s FR.

Was down to 277 tickets when I got Aranea’s FR.

Have a copy of all of Aranea’s weapons now. They’re not all fully MLB but it’s fine. Don’t need to pull on this banner for those weapons anymore. So I should stop pulling already.

But I’m still missing Cait Sith’s LD, and I do kinda want to have it. And since I still have tickets, decided to keep pulling some more.

Unfortunately, Cait Sith’s LD didn’t show up. Instead, just got a lot of crap and dupes.

And a lot of the dupes were useless like that time when I got Fran’s 15cp. At least I also got 1 more dupe of Aranea’s 35cp so I can fully MLB the copy I have without having to use a single Power Stone.

After a few more crappy 10-draws, I got another Force orb. Welp, totally wasn’t expecting that at all.

The dupe Aranea FR isn’t unwelcome since this would help in limit breaking the copy I already have. But since I don’t have any plans of using said FR anyway, and since I already have 1 copy, I can’t help but wish that I’d gotten Cait Sith’s LD instead.

To my surprise, this 10-draw gave me 5 golds. Nice! Too bad they were all dupes. Aside from the dupe of Aranea’s FR, also got dupes of Aranea’s LD, Aranea’s 15cp, Cait Sith’s 15cp, and Aranea’s 15cp.

Ahh, wish that Aranea LD dupe had been Caith Sith’s LD instead. At least I now have enough dupes of Aranea’s 15cp to be able to fully MLB my first copy without having to use a single Power Stone.

Was down to 210 tickets when I got the dupes of Aranea’s LD, FR, and 15cp. Thankfully, I was finally able to stop myself from pulling on the Admiration (Intersecting Wills) banner although it does suck that once again, Cait Sith’s LD eludes me.

Aranea Highwind from Final Fantasy XV

After fully max limit breaking Aranea’s 15cp and 35cp, opted to do the same for her Ex and LD. Also Purpled her Ex or upgraded it to Ex+ 3/3. Fused the dupes of her FR that I got then equipped her with said weapon.

Finished fully limit breaking Aranea’s first armor then bought her second armor and did the same to it.

Also spent the Book and Ingots needed to Purple said armor so I could get more CP in order to be able to equip all of her passives and extensions and such.

Completed all of her Summon Boards but didn’t bother to get any of her Character Enhancement Boards or Force Enhancements.

Normally, I’d at least unlock parts of her Char Boards, particularly the tiles that would give me her LD Call and LD extension passive.

But after taking a closer look at Aranea’s LD Call and LD extension passive, I wasn’t really impressed with the effects of both. Didn’t think I’d need either, especially since I still don’t have any plans of using Aranea for endgame content.

Decided to equip Aranea with the following RF Spheres: King’s (from Final Fantasy Type-0) RF A Sphere, Ardyn Izunia’s (Ardyn Lucis Caelum from Final Fantasy XV) RF A Sphere, and Irvine Kinneas’s (from Final Fantasy VIII) RF E Sphere.

Never really got to use Aranea before. Since mine wasn’t fully built at all and I didn’t even have all of her weapon back then, never bothered to use her. But IIRC, I’ve been able to borrow a few friend support Araneas and I’ve seen more than a few in co-op fights.

That was a long time ago though, so took Aranea to a battle just now. It was an easy quest so it was no surprise at all that Aranea did well.

She can deal pretty good damage, she can break and rebreak enemies, and she can even delay them. She can also debuff them.

I’d forgotten how long some of Aranea’s animations are. It’s kind of annoying, especially since some of the animations of her moves are also pretty similar to each other.

Also, I have to say that I don’t like how Aranea wears a helmet during battle. Not really fond of how you can’t see her face thanks to the helmet. When not in battle though (like in cut scenes), she doesn’t wear the helmet. I wish we had the option to remove her helmet even in battle.

Started farming for Aranea’s preferred Artifacts (ATK 108 with Miss Mercenary Boost★★) but have yet to get the last 2 I need.

Aside from getting crappy and useless Arts, I also somehow keep getting ATK 108 with MAX BRV 330. Too bad these aren’t the perfect Artifacts for Aranea.

It took a really long time before I was able to get the last 2 ATK 108 with Miss Mercenary Boost★★ Artifacts for Aranea.

Had to fuse hundreds of Eidojas before I saw these Arts. To make matters worse, the ones I got ended up costing 15 CP. Meh.

Since I still had some more Eidojas left, decided to fuse all of them to see if I could get another ATK 108 with Miss Mercenary Boost★★ Artifact with a lower CP cost.

Was only able to get one before I ran out of Eidojas. This one cost 12 CP so it was only slightly better than the ones that cost 15 CP.

Ah, well. At least I finally have triple of Aranea’s perfect Artifacts and at least she has enough CP to equip all 3 of them.

Conclusion

So, what about you? Did you pull on the Admiration (Intersecting Wills) banner? What do you think about Celes Chere, Aranea Highwind, and all the other chars featured on this banner? Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions by leaving a comment below or by reblogging or replying to this post.

Notes:

screenshots are from my Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia game account

#dissidia final fantasy opera omnia #pulls for these chars:#celes chere #aranea highwind #cait sith #fran #final fantasy 7 #final fantasy 15 #final fantasy 6 #final fantasy 12 #dffoo #dffoo banner pulls #dffoo free pulls #dffoo ticket pulls #games #gacha games

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abluescarfonwaston · 3 years

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I think Edgeworth did have some care about the truth, but only during the active investigation part of a case. Cos in AAI he's more open to poss during the investigation of Faraday & Rell's murders compared to 3-4's trial where he's just a bitch. I think Gumshoe & Edgeworth both say something about how he trusts the cops to carry out the investigations correctly as well, which would add to his warped 'all def are guilty, therefore I must sentence them' mindset by the time the trials on.

Oh you've done it now anon. You've flipped my switch. Prepare yourself.

Okay so my saying he doesn't care about the truth at all is unfair. He does. Now i don't think it's totally fair to compare our baby faced aai boy to the man from aa1 who by his own admission did bad things for the sake of his verdict. (How bad? What things? This largely depends on whether you believe the added in later 1-5 Edgeworth about how he never falsified evidence (which to be clear I don't think he'd have been Blatantly illegal. Gumshoe says if he did something bad he'd admit it and we have that proven as true in 1-4, getting off track - Edgeworth is an unreliable narrator especially about himself, but if you think he did do illegal and not just shady shit you're valid)) He had four years drowning in a corrupt system under Von Karma with little to no support. It's more than reasonable to think he may have lost sight of his ideals during that time.

But that's not what you're saying. Edgeworth cares about the truth during the investigation but not during the trial. Yes. Look. Look this is one of the things that makes Edgeworth a Good lawyer by their systems standards. That he trusts the evidence he's given and fights with all he has until the last. (He praises Franziska for being a good partner during 3-5 for this reason)

"I'm not like you and Franziska. You keep coming for me even when you know the truth isn't with you." (Roughly)

They're good prosecutors because they Keep fighting until any doubts are cleared! (Even if that makes them look like villains to the defense) It makes them Terrible to face in court cause if there's any weakness or doubt they'll jump on it. But that's what the defense is supposed to do as well! (Wright literally uses the same moves as them in 2-4, as he should!) Even if their court system has largely forgotten that by aa1. Diego and Maya both talk about pressing for weakness in testimony (even if it hurts your case). It makes Them good attorneys! (Even if it makes them look like villains to the prosecution. Mai- always poking holes in perfectly good testimony. Rude Edgeworth she Just died!)

This is the principal their system. That the sword and shield fight and reveal contradictions until the 'truth' is revealed. Because - and here's what I think is actually so interesting about turnabout sisters - if they hit a point where they don't have enough for the defense or prosecution to call a verdict then THEY INVESTIGATE AGAIN!!!

Why am I so excited by that?! Because in turnabout sisters we see the Prosecution Switch defendants!!! We go from Maya on day one to Wright!!! It's the only (i think?) Time this happens but they don't restart the trial completely like we would. They treat it like Day 2 of the same trial. Because the trial isnt Actually about the defendant! It's about the Incident.

What does this mean? It means that if Edgeworth had gotten that extra day to investigate the case then we get a Real showing of who he is. Because during the investigation Edgeworth is open to different versions of events and changing his stance as information is revealed! It is not his Duty to fight for a verdict, even if he doubts it's validity! It's his and Gumshoes job to bring the appropriate person to trial for the incident and convict them!

Which means if Wright Hadn't read those names and forced a confession we might have had a Very different day three depending on how you interpretate Edgeworth/how broken their system is.

Because there's a non zero chance that Edgeworth Couldn't get Redd White before that point even if he suspected. Edgeworth goes out of his way to Warn you it's a rigged game from the start. They couldn't investigate him! But now he's the star of the show and maybe they Can with that extra investigation time. Have Edgeworth walk up to the bars and release Wright himself. (If Redd White is guilty I'll prosecute him myself) Edgeworth the third day of the trial to get his (correct) verdict and his record stands. (Which is bad for him in the long run but whatever)

Or if the investigation fails, either due to corruption/incompetence be it on Edgeworth's end or Edgeworth's fault (the police) then we get a bad time for Wright where he fights for his life again and we just draw out the screen time by an unnecessary few hours. (Or he losses and everything sucks. Bad ending all around)

Honestly the 'fights for the defendants guilt' thing isn't even the main point. Edgeworth is Supposed to. Wright is Supposed to fight for their innocence until the bitter end. It's why Wright is honestly at his Best lawyer during Engardes case - bud you JOB is to defend and make sure they're given a fair trial regardless of innocence! Don't give up til the gavel sounds!

The real difference isn't that Edgeworth stops fighting for their guilt - he still puts them through the ringer - it's that he stops actively sabotaging the defense! He's a bitch in 3-4 because he's hiding shit! He's a bitch in 1-2 for that same reason! Diego says it, I'm pretty sure - press the lies even if it hurts your case. Edgeworth attacking Vasquez is him pressing for the lies! (Even though it hurts his case)

Because that's the real thing 1-2 established. They're not actually beholden to the Defendant. These trials are about the Incident. And their job is to clear up all the lies until only the truth remains.

That's just not what Von Karma taught. It's what Miles forgot.

"My father fought for the victim and the accused."

It's what their whole system forgot. Edgeworth only fought for the victim. Hammond only fought for the accused.

They have to do both. To find the truth.

#ace attorney #miles Edgeworth #Phoenix wright #this turned more into a rant about their system sorry #turnabout sisters just established something so interesting #ive literally written the 'Sweet third day and now i get to investigate White this time!'#wait what wright what are you doing stop it my RECORD OH MY GOD NO #even if white didnt have anything significant on Edgeworth hed have shit on Edgeworth's bosses #and apparently the judge #so like his hands may have been tied #or they may have been bloody #we just don't know #besides thatd make bad gameplay wouldn't it?#okay Wright your free gonna go prosecutor White like i said i would #huh????????#thanks for getting him directly involved great work dont talk to me again #the edgeworth trusts the police is so strange in game and yet we know its also true

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tobiosmilktea · 4 years

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can i get some GOOD headcanons on kageyama, kuroo, oikawa, and terushima drunkingly confessing time there best friend? similar to how tsukki did it in the number neighbors au 🥰🥰🥰

drunk confessions w/ kageyama, kuroo, oikawa, and terushima

— k. tobio

OK HEAR ME OUT

kags is the type to be hella emotional when he’s drunk, like full on sobbing or just being moody for no reason

it’s definitely not that bad at first, i would think he could handle his alcohol pretty well but once he get a couple shots in THAT’S when moody kags come in

with you being the designated sober for the group, you had to not drink ofc

out of everyone else in the group he’s one of the more difficult ones

near the end of the might where you had to take everyone home, you literally had to force a sobbing kageyama into the uber

“wHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO DAMN CUTE FOR?”

homie would be choking in between sobs as you literally apologize to the driver

ngl it’s kinda hilarious

drunk kags = simp kags

“y/n ur so pwetty 🥺👉🏻👈🏻”

like DEADASS HES AN ENTIRELY NEW PERSON

but if he isn’t showering you with compliments, he would be crying into your shoulder about how stressed he has been bc of volleyball

“coach said my sets are getting weird 😔😔”

and then you would sit there awkwardly laughing as you tried your best comforting him

you would run your hands through his hair and he’s literally about to self combust from the contact

by the time your uber arrives to his apartment, trying to pull him out of the car is harder than pushing him into it

his six foot one ass really be making it harder than it should be

once you do finally get him out of the car, he’s completely slumped over you and you try your best to lead him back to his place

his muscular arms strategically placed around and over your shoulders as his feet basically drag on the ground

“y/n~ where are we going?”

“back to your apartment, tobio.”

this is the part where he groans and immediately starts resisting

the thing is it doesnt last long considering he’s completely fucking drained, if anything the moment you past by the threshold into his apartment he was already halfway unconscious

your muscles strained guiding him to his bedroom to which your literally just plop him onto his bed

you sigh to yourself as you felt immediate relief on your body

after a beat or two passed to regain some strength and energy, you tug on kag’s body again to make him properly lay on the bed rather than being at the cusp of falling off

“you’re so fucking heavy, tobio.” you pull his bedsheets over him, “also don’t get out of bed or else i’ll kick you.”

honestly he looked so cute as he was in the process of passing out

“y/n?” he called out before you could leave his side

“hm?”

it was then his right hand would find yours and pull it close to him, mumbling: “you treat me so well, y/n... no wonder why i’ve been in love with you since high school.”

perhaps you ended up not leaving his side that night

— k. tetsurou

homie won’t leave you alone while you guys are out drinking

HES VERY PROTECTIVE

he literally refuses to leave your side as both of you were drinking

i would say kuroo has a pretty strong alcohol tolerance but ngl yours is stronger fr

this obviously led to kuroo getting completely shitfaced at a much quicker pace than you and when he’s drunk, it’s obvious

like REALLY obvious

he’s most definitely a giggly drunk

he probably laughs at every little thing with that obnoxious hyena laugh you love to hear so much

if there was ever a moment you two did split up, you would immediately know where he was the moment his loud ass laughs literally thundered throughout the entire bar

“excuse me, have you seen my friend? he’s tall, has black hair that look’s like a chicken’s—”

*CUE LOUDASS HYENA LAUGH FROM ACROSS THE BAR*

“oop- nevermind”

you were literally on your way to fetch him as it was getting super late and the both of you needed to go home when you saw him stumbling farther away from you

“kuroo! where the hell are you going?” you would shout over the loud conversating crowds and music

he ultimately didn’t hear you as he continued walking towards the bar

you grumbled as your eyes stay locked on his large figure to which he starts climbing a bar stool

“oh my fucking god—kuroo!!”

this dude literally CLIMBS ONTO THE BAR

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!” he yells over the large crowd, everyone’s attention is on him and you were immediately struck with second-hand embarrassment

“MAY I HAVE YOU ATTENTION PLEASE! I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I AM LITERALY HEAD OVER HEELS FOR MY FRIEND Y/N!!”

when i tell you were wanted to drop dead then and there

your eyes widened in shock, your mouth parted, and you stood there completely paralyzed as kuroo points you out in the crowd

everyone surounding you turn towards your figure and your cheeks immediately flushed a bright red and your heart suddenly beating a thousand beats per minute

“IVE LIKED YOU FOR AGES.” kuroo continues, “AND I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU FELT THE SAME”

silence filled the club like a wet blanket as you nervously chuckle

this was so awkward like it’s not even funny

“well?” a random guy from across the bar shouted

you purse your lips, “if i say yes, would you get off the bar and take me out on a real date?”

the biggest smile melted upon kuroo’s lips as he laughs

he jumps off the bar and practically cuts through the crowd just to pull you into the tightest hug you’ve ever received

“god, you’re so drunk.”

“it was my only way of getting myself to finally say it.”

— o. tooru

if you think this boy has attitude when he’s sober just wait until he’s drunk

like literally he’s so mfing sassy and for what reason ??

i dont even think this boy drinks that much let alone has a high tolerance of alcohol

oikawa’s a lightweight (i said what i said 😤)

literally if he downs anything more than three shots, he’s a literal goner

not to mention HES ABSOLUTELY WILD

drunk oikawa — the wild, sassy one

i’d say he’s pretty loud, but def not as loud or confident enough like kuroo to stand on a mfing bar and confess his love

nah, if anything, oikawa’s more rowdy when it’s a party at someone else’s house

he knows to keep himself in check if he’s drinking in public (like he knows from experience and almost got arrested one time for public indecency but it izz what it izz)

so he practically learned to control himself, but if it’s a house party ??

GIRL, YOU GOT A WHOLE STORM COMIN

knowing that it’s at a friend’s house, especially if it’s your house, he’s letting himself get completely loose

he knows you’ll take care of him anyway

throughout the night he’s literally messing around with friends, maybe a game of beer pong would usually get him drunk

put once the party’s over, he would usually be the last one to leave as he was left on your couch passed out

you didn’t even notice he was there until he started snoring

you couldn’t help but laugh at his adorable unconscious state, it was almost as if you wanted to leave him be, but you knew he had to get back home

so you stroll towards his slumped figure on the couch and kneeled on the ground

his cheek was pressed up again one of the cushions and he was dribbling a bit of saliva but you ultimately chose to ignore it

“oikawa,” you muttered as you rubbed his shoulder and shook it

he wouldn’t really respond for the first few times, but after repeating his name after a while, he would start to stir

he would groan and could barely open his eyes

half-lidded, a smile forms on his lips at the mere sight of you

“hey there gorgeous.” he slurrs through his teeth as he continued to stir

“c’mon, get up you gotta get up and go home. i called an uber for you.”

you tried helping him get up, but he just plops down again

“why can’t i stay wit you?”

“cause you don’t live here.”

“i would if we were together.”

your brows furrow in confusion, “what do you mean?”

“i always wanted to live with someone i really liked... and that’s you.” his words were almost incoherent how slurred they were through his drunkened state

“you like me?” you asked just to reassure what he mumbled was truly what you heard

he nods as you brush his tangled jungle of hair out of his face

there was a deep onset of crimson blush that appeared on your cheeks as he did so, your heart beat quickening it’s speed as you sighed in contrnt

“you act like i didn’t know this whole time. you’re quite obvious about your feelings, oikawa.”

— t. yuuji

you and terushima were club regulars

each weekend you were out with him club and bar hopping just for the fun of it

but lately, the more often you do things the more desensitized and bored you get of the same activities over and over again

you and terushima sat in both of your car ready to drive to downtown where all the clubs were when you both lazily sighed

“i’m not really in the mood for loud music and socializing.” you would confess, ready to perhaps hear terushima’s jests of you being a party pooper

but instead he sighs and agrees to your surprise as he’s typically the one dragging you to these places anyway

“same,” he mutters. “i think i’d just hangout with you tonight.”

there was a slight tone in his voice as he peaked at you that you couldnt exactly pinpoint as if you were waiting for the catch

“i still wanna drink though.” he added, there it was

“good call”

from then on you stopped by a convinient store where you and terushima buy the cheapest six pack of canned beer

in the end alcohol was alcohol and you both didnt care about the quality

this was the only case in which you had a lower tolerance than terushima as he could literally handle the strongest of liquors and still act sober

it’s kinda scary as sometimes you can never tell whether or not he’s actually drunk

but as he is a sober drunk, the only way you can tell that he’s absolutely blasted is that he becomes brutally honest with you

that brutal honesty sometimes comes with a childish offhanded joke that you would roll your eyes to

not to mention he sometimes becomes a bit of a perv too

“your ass looks better in the dress you wore last weekend” was one example

and because you both wanted some quiet for once on a late saturday night, you drove all the way to the park where it was quiet enough for you two to relax

terushima had held your hand to help you walk up the steep hill to the top of the park in which oversees a great view of tokyo

with it’s pretty city lights shining upon you two, you and terushima settle yourselves on a bench and crack open your beers

you and him cheers as you two silently sipped at the alcohol

by the time both of you were in your third can of beer, it was obvious terushima was completely wasted

“not gonna lie,” oh here it comes, “your driving sucks.”

you couldn’t help but laugh at his honesty

a laugh that he likes so much, it sounded like heaven to his ears and he wanted to make you laugh again and again

“i mean, you’re the one whose making me drive you everywhere all the time.”

he scoffs, humming in response as his half-lidded eyes flickered towards you, admiring how the moonlight reflected upon your face as you breathed in the sky

“you’re so beautiful,” he practically whispers.

“hmm?” you turn towars him with you eyes coated in honey

god he was in deep

“i like you.”

it honestly shocked you at first as your eyes widened into saucers

it was straight and brutally honest confession

just how you like it

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu headcanons #kageyama x reader #kageyama headcanons #kageyama tobio #kuroo tetsurō #kuroo x reader #kuroo headcanons #oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader #oikawa headcanons #terushima yuuji #terushima x reader #terushima headcanons

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enderspawn · 3 years

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It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?

Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this

i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.

to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore

so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).

in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)

so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.

NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"

techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.

in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)

one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.

but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.

for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)

the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.

to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.

thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.

now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.

techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.

when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.

however its more nuanced than that:

1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.

2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.

3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.

Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:

1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)

2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it

but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.

what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.

so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?

personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.

(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)

so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.

what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"

this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:

i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?

there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).

but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.

if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.

if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.

miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:

would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.

but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.

your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.

part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it

#dream smp #mcyt #techno #syndicate analysis #YEAH IM MAINTAGGING WHAT OF IT #also i-- idk if it should be crit tagged? i tried to be as fair and open as possible #lemme know what yall think #ANYWAY ANON IM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS THING ENDED UP 2.3K WORDS LONG #I JUST RLLY WNATED TO BE THOUROUGH AND AS FUCKING CENTRIST /HJ AS POSSIBLE FJDKSLFJ #its very nuanced and theres no right answer but you sure as hell know mine now #answered #anon #im at work rn im gonna get fucking fired for this FJDKSFJKL #/HJ HOPEFULLY IN THAT I AM AT WORK BUT I WONT GET FIRED #og post #(jeb bush voice) please clap

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breathings-of-the-heart · 5 years

Text

Imagine Levi Confessing his Love for You

A/N: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ THE TEXT BELOW BEFORE PROCEEDING THANK YOU :))

HERE IS A TIMELINE / EXPLANATION / BACKGROUND INFORMATION BECAUSE CASE THE TIME SKIPS OF THIS STORY ARE CONFUSING: I’m sorry for that everyone, I know the dates are sloppy and as a whole this fic doesn’t make too much sense; I tried to edit this piece as best I could to make the story as easy to follow as possible, but seeing as I can’t unpublish part 1 or 2, the cleanup still leaves things bit unclear. These imagines were originally chapters of a longer Levi x Reader fic that I decided to discontinue, which is why there are so many loose ends. Here was my original intention for this story, broken down for the few who choose to read the Author’s Notes lol.

We are going to do this in the order of the 3 part fic (I also put attached all the links to the titles)

Part 1: Imagine Relating to Mikasa About Loving Someone in the Military

The scene is set during the events of SEASON 1 of Attack on Titan, BEFORE the Female Titan Arc. (Y/N) was also hand selected by Levi to be part of the original Special Operation Squad; she bit her hand at the dinner table along with Petra, Gunther, Eld, and Oluo to show their dedication and understanding towards Eren wayyy back in the beginning of the series. The Survey Corps is making preparations for their first attempt to go to Shiganshina since the Fall of Wall Maria and not only uncover the mole who killed captive titans Sonny and Bean, but also to get to Eren’s basement.

Part 2: To Love Another

The flashback and opening scene in the beginning of this writing piece (where (Y/N) and Hange are talking to each other) occurs shortly after (Y/N) wakes up in the infirmary room, before anyone breaks the news that she, aside from an injured Levi, is the last surviving member of Squad Levi after Annie killed the others in the Forest of Giant Trees in her female titan form. Hange’s intentions were to bring the (Y/N) and Levi together so they would be able to support each other during this mutual loss. But alas, (Y/N) accepts his rejection and the two suffer the aftermath of this tragic news alone. To read this arc for context/bonus content to get a better understanding of this mini series, see my posts (as a sort of prequel, if you will) Imagine Levi Finding you Injured on an Expedition and Imagine Being the Last Member of Squad Levi To Survive to fill that time gap :)

In real-time, all of Season 2 and Season 3 Part 1 have gone by with limited interaction between (Y/N) and Levi. This part of the story is occurring during Season 3 PART 2, (spoilers) after the Coup D'etat, and after Historia becomes Queen. (Y/N) is no longer an active soldier, having sustained injuries too severe to be reliable in combat. She remains useful to the Corps as a battle strategist, however, which allows her to stay. The Scouting Regiment is currently preparing to go to Eren’s basement in their second attempt, knowing Reiner and Berthold will be waiting for them there.

Part 3: Imagine Levi Confessing his Love for You (YOU ARE HERE)

This part takes place pretty much a week or so after the events of “To Love Another.” It is revealed how much (Y/N) has isolated herself in the months between Parts 1 and 2 from not only Levi, but Hange, the only one besides Mikasa who knew about her feelings for Levi prior to their falling out. (Y/N) confesses her feelings for Levi before the mission to Shiganshina in Season one, and the fic parallels itself and comes full circle once their final interaction occurs before the second and final mission to Shiganshina, for which, (Y/N) is unable to go for her death would be almost certain. She seen to be more valuable inside the walls, where she can carry on the duties of the Survey Corps should the entire regiment collapse during the mission. This is the final part :)

I HOPE THAT CLEARS THINGS UP!

requested by @a-single-uwo @dracq and @little-diva-gurl and a lovely anon who def isn’t the happiest that this took so long. Deepest apologies! Hope this was worth the wait. I also hope this post finds everyone safe and in good health during these crazy times <3

~~~~~

Dread bottled up in the bottom of your stomach, which threatened to fall down to your knees. Even Hange’s eyes brimmed with concern when she informed you that Levi requested your presence in his office; all of which was out of the blue, uncharacteristic, after months of him being accustomed to giving you your space.

Feigning annoyance, you stared at the soldier dummy two paces ahead, dented heavily with the marks of your punches. The sun was beating down on the early autumn day, and heat waves rose from the ground. It illuminated the glistening perspiration sliding down your figure, torso rising and falling in short breaths of exhaustion.

Hange watched you carefully from a distance. She noticed your tense muscles, clad in a sports bra and boxing shorts; the lack of attire made it impossible to hide the sudden tension and stiffness embedded in your lean muscles, a tell tale sign of distress. As a creature of observation and analytics, the Squad Leader could sense your discomfort as if it was written across your forehead.

The brunette watched you wipe the sweat off your forehead and yell in frustration, turning towards her direction and moving to land a kick at her head.

Unfazed and in possession of sharp reflexes, Hange took a step back, only to watch as you twisted mid-air and landed a 360 Crescent kick to the dummy-shaped bag, which broke open on impact under the force of the blow. Sand poured out of its opening and spilled onto the ground in a steady stream that grew less heavy as the seconds passed.

“I’ll have to admit, you are getting better, but (Y/N), don’t get your hopes up,” Hange cautioned. “The problem does not reside in your muscles. No matter how well you learn to fight like you used to, Annie crushed your ribs and threw you to the ground: it's your lungs that will never recover. You can’t come with us to Shiganshina tomorrow like this.”

Hunched over with hands on your knees, you regained a regular breathing pattern and began to feel the explosive pain in your chest. Airways blocked, you began coughing, willing the oxygen to enter your body.

“Let me humor myself, Hange-san. If I don’t try, I might go insane.”

It was almost tragic that such a young soldier was out of commission; you were full of promise, rivalling Mikasa in skill. Hange knew you were itching to do what you trained for your whole life: Coming to Shiganshina and putting it all on the line had always been your number one goal. You didn’t want to be left behind again, to die bitter and alone without the only people you cared about.

“Regardless, (Y/N), you’re stalling,” Hange smoothly shifted the topic of conversation back to what brought her to you in the first place. “He still has that power over you, huh?”

"It'll pass eventually," you sighed, hoping the words were true.

You bowed towards the tall female. She smiled in return, shaking her head softly.

Whilst pacing away, said person stopped you once more.

“(Y/N). For what it’s worth, I stand by what I said before. Don’t look so nervous, okay?”

Her words replayed in your head, a haunting ghost of the not-so-long ago past. Time was strange, that way. It seemed like everything happened yesterday yet in another lifetime, all at once. “He loves you, more than he’s ever loved anyone. Surely you know that.”

Stupid, you thought, how I might have believed it once.

As you made your way down the hall, numbness crept into your body once again. You were too proud to admit you were afraid, especially with the Section Commander’s radiating sympathy, but everyone knew the once friendly dynamic between you and the Captain transformed into one more distant and cold. With each step towards the door, you felt the icy chill grow and that fact alone shook you to the core.

But it didn’t matter, seeing as Levi was of superior authority. There was no way around it.

Your hand shook as it raised to knock.

~~~~~~

“Name and business,” Levi spoke, voice muffled by the closed door.

“It’s (Y/N), sir. I was hoping to speak with you.”

There was a pause, and in that time you considered the option of fleeing back to your room and retreating back to a life of emotional safety, normality. It wasn’t too late to forget.

It had been a week since you spoke to Mikasa on the rooftop, after realizing the deep shit your heart decided to put you in. You didn’t think Levi would notice the distracted nature of your behavior-- tried to make it as subtle as possible whilst you figured out what you felt for him.

But before you could explore other options, Levi muttered a stern “enter.” You knew with the first expedition back to Shiganshina tomorrow, and the prospect of death closer than it has ever been on a mission, it was now or never.

The room was dim, small, warm, and thick with building tension. Shadows danced across the Captain’s face, sharp features lit by an orange flame. Only candlelight, sourced at his desk, assisted your adjusting eyes.

Your nose was hit with the smell of tea and cleaning products upon entry. This fact made you smile despite your bundling nervous energy. It was a familiar place, filled with memories of late night conversations (granted, of mostly you speaking and him listening), witnessed only by the large piles of paperwork. It started here and resulted in a natural, growing fondness kept secret to all except you two and the moon looking in from the window.

This man was your squad leader, your commander, your trusted comrade. There was no need to be afraid-- Not unless of course, you held the potential to shatter such damn a delicate relationship.

And you did.

Was it worth it?

Your gaze gravitated towards the center of the room where the Lance Corporal sat. And in that instant, your smile evaporated instantly. He placed his pen down, gracefully resting his cheek on his fist and lazily tossing the raven locks out of his eyes-- they landed on you, piercing yet drowsy and indifferent upon first glance. He was beautiful, as always. The allure was nearly sickening; unfair to the rest of the world.

Looking closer, however, he was anything but relaxed. The observant eye could see his countenance stirred something different. He seemed sharp and focused, ready to dart out and wrap himself around your heart, squeezing tighter with every breath you took. And you felt it-- the heart palpitations, which got worse at the sight of him.

He seemed… different. Dangerous, like a storm stirring in the distance, and the inevitable downpour that comes with it. The dark circles under his eyes told tales about the insomnia; a fresh cup of caffeinated black tea even rested on his left, steam rising out of it. And whilst attraction was undeniable, your concern always came first.

Levi was never quite good at getting proper rest before a mission.

“(Y/N),” The word was breathy, yet his voice was rough.

You shuffled in your spot, your name on his tongue making your stomach churn with desire.

Levi seemed to pick up on your affliction, getting out of his chair and gliding towards you. Everything happened fast and slow all at once, starting off with a momentaneous rush of air and the collision of your back with the office wall. A small shriek filled the air, out of place against the silence; was that your voice? The pain should’ve been there, but it wasn’t.

Then the seconds dragged out. Levi was a new person, setting your skin aflame as he gripped your wrists and pinned them against the wall. His lips brushed your eartips, which turned red the instant the raven’s breath fanned over them. This normally reserved, disciplined man unleashed something you had never seen before.

“Finally ready to talk to me about why you’ve been acting so strange, brat?” he whispered.

This wasn’t supposed to be so dirty. He was angry, but the mood was established in layers: something more sinister existed beneath.

The scent of fresh pine filled your nostrils until your brain went foggy. Levi was close--so close, and with the fact that you’ve been avoiding him mixed in with the fact that you missed him for it, all bets were off: there was no stopping the words that came out of your mouth next.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” you whispered back, looking him dead in the eyes, no fear this time.

His grip on your wrist slackened.

“Hm?”

You took in a deep breath, ready to leave it all on the line, and spoke.

“I like you a lot, sir. And not in a comradery type of way. I-I just thought I’d tell you before, you know, we leave tomorrow.” Your gaze found the floor again, too timid for your own good. But the statement was said, and it was finite; there was no turning away from it.

The Captain’s eyes went wide and gleamed brightly at you. His chest felt lighter and as he looked down at you in speechless awe, staring at anything but his face in your adorable embarrassment, he realized exactly why your absent look irked him those days ago. Why your lack of enthusiasm and lighthearted-ness gave him a strange sense of frustration.

Levi never felt more awake, more hyper aware of his surroundings.

The feeling of your chest pressed against him, the heat of those rosy cheeks, the pounding within his ribcage, the moon hitting your pretty face. With your figure in his arms, after the blissful seconds passed, everything felt, for once, okay.

Until it wasn’t.

Gaining the courage to look back up at him, you all but tore apart at the scowl on his face as demons flitted through his beautiful brain and polluted the image of happiness. Levi grew more indignant by the second, all but throwing your arms he held back at your sides like they were poison to the touch.

Tears pooled in your eyes as the soft expression you didn’t get to see turned sour, disgusted-- the Captain’s lips curling into a snarl as he imagined what he could lose if he opened up his heart for this girl in front of him to take. The risk and pain of falling for someone, in the world the two of you lived in. And all the stoic man could think was how he allowed this charade to come so far.

No, he wouldn't allow it.

“Get out, (L/N)” he commanded, harsh and unforgiving.

You were trembling, body feeling detached from reality as it moved, convincing itself that it was simply a nightmare. Levi’s cruel demeanor all but shattered you as you looked wide-eyed and his anger grew, the short man pacing behind his desk and bringing a hand over his face. His free one crumpled into a fist, knuckles turning white as he slammed it on the wood, the loud bang making you jump; the fear, grief, confusion coming all at once until it choked you and your vision spotted black.

“I said GET OUT!”

The room stilled and Levi looked up to face you cowering near the door, a single tear rolling down your cheek. He stilled at the sight, the weight of his words dawning upon him.

“I-I’m sorry,” you gasped before racing out of the room.

Had you looked back, you would’ve seen Levi’s outstretched hand betraying his body, desperately reaching out for you, gray eyes filled with pain.

But you knew now you’d never be dumb enough to spare him that second glance-- and maybe that was the right call, seeing as his feet moved in the direction you left, only to shut the door left askew in your wake.

~~~

The Captain’s gaze was on you more than necessary, but it was clear the two of you had the same thought: You focused everything into this discussion, melting into the emotionally-detached soldier your duty commanded, just like Levi did. His words had no ulterior motive, no deeper meaning. They were monotonous and empty.

Or so you thought.

Levi stood up the second you came in, but your gaze fell to the ground in submission.

“Hange said you needed to see me, Captain?” your voice was small and weak; you kicked yourself for it. How pathetic.

“Damn you...”

The man said nothing more, brushing his fingers along your cheekbones and you everything hit you like whiplash, the memories. Levi ran them along your face, down to your chin to lift it gently, so that for once you’d let your eyes meet instead of looking at the ground like a coward.

When they did the man’s breath hitched in his throat, because although your (eye color) orbs were no longer as vibrant, they were still beautiful and entrancing; why hadn’t he ever appreciated them before?

"I missed you, brat," he spoke firmly.

You felt a churn in your abdomen as you watched his eyes study the details of your face and take in every feature, committing it to memory painfully slow. You were paralyzed, his face inches away from yours and forcing buried emotions to resurface as months of restraint came undone. He didn’t speak, holding you delicately after not being this close for far too long and discerning what he’s been missing.

“Um, Captain? What are you...?"

You bit your lip, feeling puzzled and confused as you remembered the hate in Levi's orbs the last time you saw him like this.

All you could see now was how quickly his emotions shifted from serenity to fury that fateful night, and as you recollected the way Levi lashed out, all chaos and fury, he retracted his hand.

And you flinched away.

The Captain froze.

“Don’t-- don’t fucking do that,” he growled, his urgency startling. “I would never hurt you, (Y/N).”

Your eyebrows furrowed, all inhibition thrown out the window the second Levi’s countenance flashed with hurt at your response to his touch. You let your fear go and emotions free at the irony of the raven’s statement. Your mind went into overdrive, recounting every instance you wanted to give up and leave, drown in yourself, give up on finding purpose in the aftermath of rejection and Squad Levi’s death and your permanent injury changing your way of life. Things you faced alone, because instead of rekindling any semblance of a relationship, Levi tossed everything away and berated you for feeling.

The man who resided here cut your heart expertisely like the countless swords he wielded then disposed. He did not have the right to look at you so kindly; did not have to right to fan the flames of false hope. But here he was, procrastinating until the very last day to take initiative regarding those actions.

“Why are you doing this?” you whispered, forgetting your composure.

“I’d advise you not to speak in riddles,” Levi spoke in a low and even voice, no real malice as he addressed you and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

You took a deep breath and fought to remain calm, grabbing Levi's wrist to keep him from touching you.

“Please don’t toy with me, or mock my feelings like this. Why did you call me here? You made it plenty clear how you feel about me, Levi. What else is there to say?" you begged, the lack of closure driving you insane.

This was the first time you used his name, an unprecedented amount of spite and pain expressed through it, because you wanted Levi to remember this moment. It was over: that time of feeling sorry and ashamed of yourself for being nothing other than human. The remorse was gone, and the heartache was fleeting.

“Tell me, dammit!”

His was overflowing.

“You want to know how I really feel about you, (Y/N)!?” the Captain shouted, voice rising because for a man who relied on impulse and action on the battlefield it was fucking frustrating, watching the woman in front of him live this way for the simple reason that he was not good with words. "The thoughts that go through my head when you can't even bear to look at me?!"

"No, that's not what I asked. I already know that you don't--"

"--Fuck this."

Relying on instinct to guide him, Levi leaned forward and kissed you.

The second his lips met yours, you melted on the spot, knees giving out beneath you. Tongue sliding into your mouth, Levi simultaneously lifted you into the air, feeling lightheaded as you moaned into him, eagerly returning the kiss. His hands were everywhere, grasping at your waist, clutching the back of your head, running down your thighs. You were in such a state of euphoria that nothing else existed.

Your own digits threaded through Levi’s raven locks and pulled needily, emitting a growl from his throat as he bit down on your lower lip. He reveled in the feeling of your legs around his waist as your soft lips worked against his own, hungry and relentless. The kiss was passionate and you’d imagined it a million times over, but this-- Levi successfully ruined you for any other man.

The need for oxygen pulled you apart, Levi’s strong arms keeping you in the air as his eyes remained shut; he pecked your lips once, then twice, savoring the moment until it mournfully passed.

He was hesitant to break the silence, but you deserved it. You waited long enough to hear the truth, and he knew his time was running out; you weren’t going to wait for him forever.

“(Y/N)...” he began to speak, forehead resting on yours as he panted softly to catch his breath. “I dreamt of you last night. I have been for days.”

“Levi--”

“--Just listen,” he interrupted, unable to stop himself from kissing you softly once more. “Neither of us are running away this time.”

You fell silent as the man let you down, pulling you into his solid chest as you buried your face in his shirt, patiently listening. His calm heartbeat thrummed soothingly in your ears like a metronome.

“Isabel, Farlan, Oluo, Petra, Gunther, Eld. They all knew that what they meant to me. And I them."

One of the only things that made it easier to say goodbye, you thought with a bittersweet pang in your chest.

"With us, it's different. I died in every dream, (Y/N). Every one. And in every single one, you lived on believing I never loved you. Call me selfish, but I...”

You pulled away from the stoic man, searching his gaze as he trailed off. Shyly, you interlaced your fingers, his larger hand enveloping yours and you prayed to whoever was listening upstairs that all of this was real.

“I just can't leave until you understand...”

He clutched you impossibly tighter, eyes squeezing shut.

"...that you, are everything."

~~~ Extended Ending ~~~

A soft hum filled the air, the tune dreamy and sweet as you repeated the melody once again. You smiled warmly as hands wound around your waist, pulling you closer to a toned and shirtless Captain Levi, silken sheets tossed haphazardly on top of the two of you. His breath sent goosebumps on your neck as he kissed your shoulder gently, warmth deliciously intoxicating.

Giggling now, you turned around to face him, the man’s onyx hair ticking you softly. You captured your lips in his with one smooth movement and snuggled closer, taking in the small slice of heaven that was home in his arms, legs tangled together. Feeling unbelievably content, like your heart might burst, you leaned forward and rubbed your nose against Levi's.

Although he wasn't smiling, the look he was giving you revealed his own sensation of happiness.

“I never thought you’d be the cuddling type,” you remarked devilishly, scrunching up your nose as you teased him.

Though your tone was lighthearted, you were painfully aware that the moment was ending. You internally cursed the sun as it started to set, orange light peeking in through the window shades to signal the coming of night. Levi said nothing, looking deeply into your eyes, and like always, it felt as if he could read the contents of your soul.

But it wasn’t vulnerability you felt: on the contrary, you knew you would never find as safe a place as here. With him. Finally.

“Levi...” you swallowed, humor all but gone. “Now you have to come home.”

To emphasize your point you sat up on the bed, legs tucked neatly underneath you as you stared imperatively at your lover.

“Mhm. We’ve wasted enough time,” he agreed, taking you by the wrist to pull you back on top of him, to bask in this personal paradise if only for another minute.

#levi ackerman x reader #lance corporal levi #LEVI ACKERMAN #snk #shingeki no kyojin #AoT #attack on titan #attack on titan imagines #attack on titan x reader #snk imagines #Captain Levi #snk season 3 #aot x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman imagine

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 3 years

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sometime in this last week, or this week coming, my blog has turned/turns 10. god. a decade old. a whole ass chunk of my life i’ve spent on this hellsite. when i began on here, i was a kid. a lost, lonely, depressed and anxious 15/16 year old kid. a kid scared of her future. a kid confused about her future. what to do for uni. to change schools or not??? to do drama/acting at uni or english/philosophy or to move 8hrs away to another regional uni to “escape” her “washed up, dead end hometown” that was so typical of all the pop-punk music that she was listening to at the time.

she was a tad overdramatic, loud, “funny” (as described by her school friends) and terribly forgetful in regards to homework and school assignments. she was angry at the world, most especially the catholic school she was fucking sick and tired of attending. but she was convinced that since she was the so-called “funny girl”, that she simply couldn’t be depressed or anxious. she believed herself unloveable because she didn’t look like a weird mixture of hayley williams and emo-pop queen lights. but now, i no longer believe that i have to look like the women that i looked up to in the ~emo scene~. fuck beauty standards. i am loveable.

in the years since joining tumblr, i’ve managed to get through business college, my undergrad degree and, well, failed out of postgrad due to obvious burnout and health issues amongst other things. although i’ve lost many friends irl and many followers/mutuals online on here. for those who’ve stuck around to see me get through all of this, thank you. to all the friends/casual mutuals that have since deactivated or only followed me for a short time then unfollowed; thank you.

like obviously i was never/have never been a massive popular blog on here, like thebootydiaries or vampireapologist (who has since deactivated a couple of months ago) with tens of thousands of followers. my follower count is still close to the 8,000 range at 7,892. obviously that’s still a lot of people (and of course, porn bots lmao and many, many non-active blogs), enough like one super old post from like 2012 tumblr pointed out, enough for a small to medium sized city or town, or something like that. i don’t know how many people i’ve really reached. i really don’t know how i actually amassed this small army of people.

i am aware though, that on other platforms like snapchat (lmao does anyone even use it anymore in 2021???)/instagram/youtube/tiktok etc, i’d PROBABLY be considered as some type of ~micro influencer (🤮🤮)~. hell, i actually had a bot slide into my notes about being one on here on this hellsite back in 2019. i don’t know if i’ve ever actually ~influenced~ anyone on here with my shitposts (when i started making some) or my personal posts. i don’t know my reach. even though, now, i do occasionally get featured on buzzfeed listicles (although pay me buzzfeed along with the OPs of those original embedded posts), i still don’t know how many people i’ve reached… and even with my very occasional checks of google analytics lmao. on top of this, grappling with the loss of followers at times is much, much easier than it was when i began on here and the first few years following that. i know that my follower count doesn’t determine my worth and stuff.

but over these 10 years, i have grown. i turn 26 this year. back in 2011, 15/16yo me never thought she’d be here. she was partially down the suicidal thoughts hole, with things about ~picturing her funeral and wondering who’d bother to turn up. if only she could pretend to be dead for a day to see who’d give a fuck~ and 16-18yo me was defs down it with her HSC hellscape thoughts in 2012/2013. that 3rd floor tafe/tech women’s bathroom window drop and the thought of scarring her class for life (and that cool dude from catholic school that she crushed on who ended up at tafe with her) with jumping out of it onto the concrete below. instead, she just posted on fb about ~being a failure~ etc which ultimately did lose her a bunch of facebook friends lmao. it was practically the same thing. her mental breakdown after the end of her hsc, where she let her earrings go green and get infected in her ears because “fuck self care, bc what the fuck is it??? i’ll never get better! let me fucking wallow in my self loathing bc it’s the only thing that i’m fucking good at!!!” so i no longer have my ears pierced. oh! it was just all too fucking much!!

i am happier today. i no longer have those semi-suicidal thoughts. hell, i almost died in 2020 from a fucking bowel aneurysm, after my stomach tumour excision surgery. that forced me to put things into perspective. i appreciate the little things . i appreciate the very few friends that i actually have. yes. i’m still depressed and anxious. some days are still shitty and hard. but nowhere as hard and shitty as they were back when i began on here 10 years ago.

how the fuck last 10 years have gone past, with my ass on here; clearing out my blog and caring more about doing that than my uni work (lmao whoops); having made some lifelong friends both internationally (from the US) and long distance domestically in australia, it’s been a long ride; i honestly have no fucking idea. obviously over these past 10 years, i’ve debated with myself over and over and over again whether i should delete/deactivate this account or not. would it make me healthier??? more than likely. but then when i have meltdowns or just inner ramblings i have to get out somewhere, where else to post??? on fb?? obvs not. it’s “attention seeking” or the like on there. no one will read them. no one will resonate. but on here??? even if i got/get one “like” in the notes or one “yo i feel this” response in the tags or replies, it feels like i’ve reached someone??? okay yeah. i know this place IS NOT therapy and i’m not using my followers as amateur (or probs even actual professional) armchair psychologists…. which is a thing i think people need to stop doing internet-wide: but that’s a whole other post that i reblogged a few days ago lmao. i really need to get another therapist, actually lmao.

but it’s the community i’ve found hard to leave. i have what feel like friends, when i’ve never been employed (still as of yet); and when all of my irl friends/acquaintances are working and doing the whole ~adulting~ and ~grown up life~ thing right. it’s also the frenzied rabidness of spite with hating staff’s godawful ideas. the memes. oh the memes. and also the RaWrInG 20s XD emo scene reemergence on here that’s kept me here. the messy petty drama from time to time of big blogs fighting it out.

this place really is bizarre and fun sometimes. and also the fact that i can still hide behind the ridiculous “roaring pikachu” URL that i made all those years ago. i am anonymous. it’s freeing. but on fb it’s all like “WHY WONT YOU ADD A BANNER IMAGE AND TELL US 20 FUN FACTS ABOUT YOU!!!!!???? LET PEOPLE WHO HAVENT SPOKEN TO YOU IN 10 YEARS KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE!!!” and the same goes for Corporate Hellscape Facebook™️ (linkedin) but in the professional sense instead. y’all know fuck all about me really. besides my posts. and i love that and live for that. okay yeah. y’all know more about my mental health than my fb feed obvs… which is probably a terribly unfortunate thing. but still.

over the last 10 years then, my superiority complex for being ~so original and intelligent~ or whatever the fuck i had in high school, has all but ebbed away. i’m not that smart just because i went to uni. hell, i literally did NONE of my in-class work and none of my philosophy readings in uni….. so i have fuck all idea of how i got through undergrad like that lmao. i’m not original when so many people can articulate the same thoughts that i have, but like, sometimes better, on a post (even though sometimes/most of the time the Tumblr User Hot Takes Tuesday™️ takes on here are fucking awful lmao). but still. originality is not something i really have anymore. or really had in the first place lmao.

so will i deactivate after these 10 years, like i’ve been saying for so, so long??? i honestly have no idea. but just know. thanks guise. have a nice gpoy selfie day XD. grab your wands. your tardises. grab your war paint. grab your whatever the fuck other fandom specific stuff that was one that hella cringe post from 2011 til 2015 random tumblr. that relic is as old as time itself. just as this mysterious roaring pikachu is for someone whose too loyal to leave this W E B B E D H E L L S I T E that’s just as much of a train wreck as she is. lmao.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #tumblr is legit my fucking life now #motivate me to deactivate this blog to leave the hellsite forever 2021 #trigger warning: suicide mention #tw: suicide mention

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writingonesdreams · 3 years

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Have you ever had to suddenly and dramatically re-adjust your writing schedule/habits? What was it like? Any tips? I recently started a new full-time job and have had to massively overhaul every aspect of my life, and I haven't found my grove for writing yet. My general philosophy is "if it doesn't overall bring me joy, it doesn't work" and so I'm trying to find the balance between over-committing myself while still also getting to write :-)

Also, what order do you like to write in? Chronological? Favorite scenes first? Goalpost scenes? Other? I'm always deeply curious about other's writing process!

I have to readjust every semester according how uni works, but the biggest changes are after summer holidays :) it's a big lifestyle change from house to flat, from one country to another, from being at home and comfy deciding about my time to suddenly having a schedule of classes and commuting to worry about. Getting a puppy last month also brought on so many changes - suddenly I have to think about when I get up, when I go to sleep and how will I divide my time before he forces me out on a walk - which on one hand I def need on the other it's incredibly distracting after I get into a flow.

Honestly my tip would be just embrace the changes and remember you can totally do this. The more you do the more active you will get - activity breeds activity. I actually tend to write more when I'm busy with school than when I have free time in holidays. I read much more books, I study writing beside actual studies, I get the most ideas and I actually get the most writing done in the exam season. Human body just adjust to the new schedule and loading and you are totally fine and the pressure of deadlines and things to do fires me up to do the invest as much energy for my writing and myself.

About establishing new writing habits it really depends on you and how you feel. I often just go with the new schedule with classes all over the place and take up writing whenever I get the urge to, trying to effectively use time and energy available. When I find times with the mood, I can also start establishing a habit. During lockdown I used to write in the morning, cause I wanted to get things done before I had to commit to homework. Normally before uni I never wrote so early and preferred nighttime.

Some semesters I get the most ideas on trains and write then, some I use the free days or afternoons before weekends. It really depends on your schedule and experimenting with what you find comfortable practically. Without over-comitting, as you mentioned, that's an important point.

About writing order, I like writing chronologically according to time and outline. When I write prompts or get sudden idea I start with the most exciting part first or the one I can imagine that moment. Short stories are almost always written in one go chronologically, but bigger projects can have smaller scenes scattered around when I have the outline and just want to explore an idea. For me it really depends on finding the right format - if I feel like I found the right medium/app/way to organize and order things, it's much easier to continue and add on. I bought Scrivener for the hope it could help me organize snippet scenes out of order so I could write them more, because they stress me out too much if they aren't on tumblr - I most often post out of order on tumblr cause the posting format with the links pleases me, while writing out of order in word docs or in google docs doesn't work at all. I still haven't gotten to studying all the tutorials to Scrivener though so Idk, but I would like writing in order otherwise.

I love talking about writing processes too! Do you prefer to write in order? What helps you the most to adjust to a new schedule?

Nice hearing from you!^^ Feel free to drop in anytime

#writeblr #writeblr community #writing community #ask #on writing #writing discussion

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danideservedbetter · 3 years

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Alright so, here’s how things are gonna work.

First off, welcome to this side blog. Since it won’t be jolly fun fandom content and will be a little more personal I decided to separate my health and writing journey from my fandom stuff, although all my fandom content will still be linked on my main blog here.

(I write Izuocha/bnha content which isn’t super popular so if you’re not here for that then yeah, I don’t blame you. But if you are I have a link to our discord and community content pinned so def check it out if you’re interested.)

Secondly, you guys will hear details about stuff relating to my health like what kinds of things affect my disorder based on the tests some doctors are ordering, how I’m trying to improve my diet and activity, and routines and goals I’m attempting for myself. I am underweight, and that’s something I’m going to be talking a bit about, so if that’s triggering following this blog might not be the best thing for you. Details under the cut.

So, what kind of disorder do I have and why did I decide to make a health journey blog? My disorder is called idiopathic hypersomnia. Basically what that means is that when my disorder is acting up (based on factors like stress especially or my generalized anxiety rearing its ugly head) I have the capacity to sleep. And sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. My longest recorded uninterrupted “sleep-attack” was 26 hours long and ever since I caught Covid in January, my body had been slowly growing weaker to the point I was starting to develop atrophy. I’ve had this ten years and my neurologist suspects inactive cells from mononucleosis I caught at 14 was the cause, because other IH patients have linked their sleeping problems to a case of mono or have had it at some point in their lives.

This disease stole many years and many things I’ve looked forward to from me. I lost friends and experiences and failed so many college classes I had to drop out.

I’ve decided I’m taking them back.

It’s not going to be easy. Just as it took ten years to convince myself that my tiredness was something I chose to give into, it took several extra years and many fights with my family to convince them that I had a real actual neurological disorder and that I need help sometimes. My parents and grandmother finally understand that I have to finish college and find a very special boss willing to work around my erratic progress on projects, but the outsiders they married are not as convinced. My grandmother’s husband kicked me out of their house because he wants to be the center of attention and doesn’t like that some days I’m so weak that I needed my grandmother’s help, and my father’s wife thinks I’m a lazy and ungrateful leech who “gets anxiety just being around” me. Both told my father I’ll never be happy so why even bother with me, but my dad is actually striving to understand his own recently-diagnosed PTSD so while we still butt heads he’s understanding that I have to take things day by day because every tiny circumstance affects my disorder.

Now, why did I decide to air all this out? Well, being open about my disorder and how it affects me has helped at least two people that I know of find out that the tiredness they experience isn’t the typical “American work force exhaustion” they were trained to believe is normal. So if I can help even one more, I’ll gladly talk about what this entails and how I deal with it day to day. Another reason is that I’m also one of those big advocates who believes talking candidly about mental health destigmatizes it and sharing ideas can help us grow as people and maybe make it a little easier to deal with.

So now that you know a little bit about me and my disorder, here are my big goals for the next three months provided my university takes pity on me and actually lets me go back.

First up: create routines to train my body to get used to living a full day fully awake. This includes waking up at the same time and going to sleep at the same time. It means getting dressed and going out and doing things, even little things— which I’ll get to in a sec.

Second: I write. I have a novel in limbo and I write fanfics. Writing is a big part of who I am and I’ve written one thing this year, which for a whole six-month stretch is upsetting and disappointing. Today is my reset. In the next 569 days I want to to finish the six stories I have in limbo (except the larger one) and finally reach my goal of posting 200k words in a single year. I wont be hard on myself if I can’t accomplish this because honestly finishing anything in the chaos of my life is going to be a miracle but. There ya go.

Third: go back to freakin college. I don’t care what it takes. Sit down with every official, every lawyer, and every professor it takes to get me back enrolled in classes in the fall.

Fourth: I have several smaller things I have to do, short term goals, stuff like that. I’m gonna create a to do list each day of small tasks I want to get done and while some of these things will be part of my daily routine I am throwing in like one or two things a day that just need to be done. My writing goal will change daily and I’ll keep y’all updated on that with every post I make.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Dani! That’s so much!! Well, a few months ago I remembered hey!! I basically have a computer in my hand, why make it hard on myself. So I downloaded certain apps to help me out. This isn’t me saying “hey go subscribe to these apps because I said so” it’s just that through a lot of trial and error I’ve come to find that these certain apps work for me and I’ve yet to come across one that has the functionality of everything I need.

Tiimo — so this is an app I found developed by people with autism for people with autism to help them develop good habits and routines. It has preset daily schedules (things like morning routines or nightly routines or work routines) and an internal alarm to let you know when to move on to the next task. I myself have extremely low-level aspergers (to the point where my doctor won’t give me an official diagnosis because I didn’t want people think that *it’s* the reason I have issues with school), so moving from task to task can be difficult sometimes and I also deal with getting distracted. This widget also appears on my home screen so I know what I have to do at a glance. You can program in weekly and daily tasks to fully customize your schedule, which is fantastic for someone like me who wants to for example rotate chores. This is hopefully going to help me get my body in the habit of adjusting to routines and transitioning from one task to another, as well as getting important things done responsibly.

Promptly Journals — I’ve been told for a while that journaling is helpful mentally to kind of recenter yourself, so a bit ago I downloaded several journal apps to add to my morning routine. Now some will prefer more creatively free journals, but I prefer this one that gives me small prompts I can do in a short amount of time that just allows me to get my thoughts down. I can even add pictures at the bottom that go with the theme! I’m scared I’ll run out of prompts eventually lol but until then this app works very well for my needs.

Stretchingexercise — Now idk if it’s from lack of sleep from my disorder, the position I sleep in when I do sleep, all the physical labor I’ve had to do in the past couple weeks, my medicine, or w h a t but I suffer from body aches like no one would believe. I know stretching is supposed to help with that, so I downloaded this app to help me do non-demanding physical activity that wakes me up in the mornings and helps relieve pain so I don’t keep having to take pain relievers. This one has different plans for things like muscle tension, back pain, warm ups— and it also gives you rudimentary weight updates (I’m underweight lololol so we’re looking to fix that) or plan updates. It’s worked really well for me so far and gives you animations and descriptions of the workouts (some taken from yoga) as well as timed breaks and a narrated guide. It’s been pretty helpful in temporary relief and if nothing else gets my blood flowing in the mornings.

Widgetsmith Step counter — in addition to the stretching thing one thing my doctor and I discussed that helps with the sedentary lifestyle is simply walking. I’ve needed so bad to relieve my stamina and reverse the atrophy, and walks have been stellar for that. Now I live in the New Orleans area so humidity and heat force me to go at the crack of Dawn, but honestly my weenie dachshund Charlie really enjoys our time out so he goes with me! The CDC recommends 10,000 steps a day which seems like a lot and it is if you don’t get out much. But this gives me an excuse to get dressed and do the hygienic thing and help Charlie be healthy too, as well as give me time for brainstorming because we walk in a truly beautiful area. I’m sure everyone installed widgetsmith with the last iOS update (Apple users anyway) and while at first the step counter was just interesting I’ve since come to rely on it! We do our 5000 in the morning, which of course is half, and I find that other things I do throughout the day typically drive the counter higher. Anything leftover can easily be accomplished by an evening walk in our neighborhood. Now the caveat is that I have to remote have my phone in my pocket because I don’t own a watch or anything fancy lol, but honestly I need to keep it on me anyway so that serves as a good reminder.

Todoist — this one is my FAVORITE. Ever since I’ve decided that I have trouble keeping track of things I need to do and small stuff I need to keep in mind and appointments, etc, I decided to find a list app. This is the one I found that absolutely helps me for everything from my list of room supplies I need to buy, to my reading list, to general tasks I have coming up I need to complete. And its widget functionality keeps it right on my Home Screen! More organized individuals can just use tiimo, but I’m definitely not one of those individuals so this app is sorely needed and appreciated.

And of course, I know building habits the first few weeks is HARD. So for days my body doesn’t respond to my alarms, I have a checklist of the key things I have to do to keep my life as functional as possible.

So that’s that on that. I’m going to try to keep writing updates and my daily goals in a post in the morning, and reblog what I accomplished in the evening. It’s gonna be tough. But I’m thinking if I can start small I’ll be able to build my stamina enough to return to college and be successful when I do. I hope that anyone watching this journey draws some kind of meaning or inspiration from it. And you guys can even follow along if y’all want! Especially for writers or people trying to get healthier. I can’t promise what works for me will work for you (and honestly I expect things to change especially if I get accepted into college again) but hey, I figure it’s worth a shot.

I hope you guys enjoy watching this journey, if nothing else I hope it’s entertaining. And maybe it’ll be successful. I do know that I’m just gonna try for it, and hope it works out.

First daily update to follow

Xoxo

Dani

#idiopathic hypersomnia #health and wellness #writing challenge

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deathvsthemaiden · 4 years

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Tagged by the wonderful @sheherazade to make a 12 song long playlist (aka a good luck charm playlist!) that captures how I want 2021 to go! 💆🏽‍♀️

1. Hot Honey—Ari Chi. Reminds me of mornings where you’re up out of bed long before anyone else and feel super duper peaceful and careless and sunny in the chillest way as you drink tea and look out a window or read or something... I want even more mornings like that in ‘21 than I had in ‘20 god willing!! 🍯🐝

2. Green & Gold—Lianne La Havas. Lately i feel like her song Midnight (people think I'm crazy/lately I’m/living in midnight/just living in midnight~🎶 ) and it’s fun I’m having a grand isolated little time within the confines of my rich inner world but I hope to feel more like Green & Gold, the lyrics just feel way more... open and active/“ambitious” (for lack of a better word) than content. It’s witching hour I reserve the right to be vague and confusing 😔💕💕

3. Suspended in Gaffa—Kate Bush. God this song sounds like TRAVELING!! I want to do that! Not physically because of Current Events ofc but I want to feel the way this song makes me feel... energetic and like I’m going places in any sense of the word! I can’t explain it! 🧳👒 it reminds me of Tape Five’s Love Tonite and has lead girl of a musical in a bustling train station singing about the people around her and herself energy to me also it’s the one I’ve been looping most lately so GAISJAJJA

4. Everything’s Changin’—St. Arnaud. You know those cheesy montages of ppl slowly dancing in a funny way and mouthing along to the lyrics of a song together as it blasts out loud in sitcoms and such? Only this song would ever make me feel tempted to act that way.... only this one (not that I would but I would Feel A Pull) preferably on a boat in the middle of the ocean as the sun has almost totally set with string lights everywhere. also the lyrics are just so good please give it a try 🥺✌🏽

5. Making Love—Sir Woman. I know this is a smexy suggestive little song but it mostly reminds me of the beach and I just love the energy.... I know I said no traveling but like. To touch the sand of a beach with my own two feet again in the 21st year of the 21st century would not be abhorrent to me.... 🤕<\3 also idk part of the lyrics sound to me like they do indeed describe me at my best... almost-all-knowing and mischevious and fun loving @_@

6. Levitating—Dua Lipa. Even now, whilst on break, the phantom weights of my academic shackles pain and vex and haunt and taunt me (can’t chill out fully for some reason idk why. God help the mentally ill and academically incompetent such as I) not 2 mention the toll of all the extraneous family time I’ve been force fed lately so... I’d like to feel more weightless next year 👉🏽👈🏽 also this is just such a sparkly glitzy dazzling song it makes the child in me go: 🤩🌟💫

7. Hot Knife—Fiona Apple. Grievously, almost impressively late to the party in typical Hiba fashion, I only discovered Miss Apple and this song this year 😐🤭 but God! I miss myself I don’t want romance but I would like to find things that make my heart feel like a “CinemaScope screen showing a dancing bird of paradise” again 😔🔨!! And I love that the lyrics allow the singer to be the Hot Knife AND the Pat of Butter depending on where you are in the 4 minute long song... I love versatility I need to allow myself some more of it next year methinks 🤕✌🏽

8. Bambi—Hippo Campus. This feels way more like me right now than now I necessarily wish to be next year, down to the disobedient dysfunctional legs, but despite the sad state of affairs the lyrics describe the actual song is peppy and hopeful and jazz so like.. I hope to begin to undo the havoc I’ve wreaked on certain aspects of my life via neglect and/or as an unintended consequence of Being (Perpetually) (And More Than Usual) Out Of It. 🦌🪐👟

9. Mii Channel Theme. 1) it’s nostalgic 2) I added it to a recent playlist on a whim and every time shuffle spits it up it’s like I’m hearing the song for the first time... it’s so safe and fun and soothing and adventurous.... makes me want to act deranged in the most harmless way...... it’s an instrumental so when it comes on it empties my head in a comforting way....... I’d like 2021 to feel that balanced and pleasant if possible thank u in advance God<3 💓🎮

10. Slide—Calvin Harris ft. Frank Ocean. Potentially unrealistic 2020 goal # ???: make myself a snazzy little playlist of songs that make me wanna rollerblade/ice skate and actually. do that! This would be top of the list 🥺🛼⛸ as would this💓

11. Stuck in Your Head—Calista Garcia. Another beach like song and also very carefree, the lyrics feel all frank and unfazed... need that for me 🚗 ��

12. Experience—Victoria Monét. I really do hope this year’s experiences teach future Hiba to be sharper and more proactive but we’ll see :/ anyway even if she totally fails this song is SO catchy and will still be there for her to listen to 🥺💃🏽

Tagging: @pinkafropuffs @noblyphantasmic @fatallist @thebodykeepsscore @dionhysus @netherites @natalya-romanova @miraclegirl @hotsharkgirl2000 @hotgirlkaladin @stereolovers @the-knights-who-say-book @haldimilks @ijaaazat @2006barbie @thoroughbredsbian @kashilascorner @kai-teuthis-satou @bluyuki @holmesianhive @slowlikehoney1996 @serduszko @k-amui @lylelylepantsonfyle @adorakeys @tricketra @howaboutswords and I’m def forgetting some ppl, plz consider urself tagged in spirit and do this if you’d like to participate!! And tag meee I wanna see 👁👁

#tagged in #OK SO I made an actual playlist for my own convenience linked at the top and since Spotify adds their own songs if you have less than 15 in #a playlist I mentioned 3 extras in this post so I could add them too and ~justify~ it #to myself WHAJWJWJ #ty ilika this was a lot of fun! 💕💕

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adminjolene · 3 years

Text

trial claim form

Usually I don’t express a personal opinion when it comes to claims however I must say there was great excitement when this set of forms arrived on my desk. Reading it confirmed what I already knew, Mx Gilbert and Miss Cricket will make a wonderful pairing and we wish them nothing but the best on the journey they are about to embark on together. It is my great pleasure to say that this trial claim has been approved and the papers will be officially turned in this Friday.

Trial claim room 205 will be immediately prepared for LJ Gilbert and Nora Cricket, however due to it being spring break the administration understands that they may wish to take their time moving their things.

Name and Age of Dominant: Lisa Jane Gilbert; 27 Name and Age of Switch: Eleanor Lynn Toussaint Cricket; 22

Education Completed:

LJ: B.A. in Art from NYU

Nora: High School Graduate with honors, few college credits.

Length of Relationship: 5 months

Why would you like to enter into a trial claim?

LJ: Because I love her with everything and even more than that, I think we’re ready to take this next step. We’ve taken the time to get to know each other and this is the true test to see if we’re ready for forever. Which I def think we are.

Nora: Because they are the love of my life. We’ve been through a lot in the last 5 months together as partners, and my entire world has shaken and been thrown upside down in ways I never saw coming and they’ve stood by me through all of it. Even now as I realize I need to start focusing more on myself they are nothing but supportive of me through it all.

Do you feel you know your partner well enough on a personal level?

LJ: Absolutely. I feel like we’ve known each other a lot longer than 6 months. From the moment we met, we were connected and that connection only grew as we went through our individual and joined trials and tribulations. She knows things about me that no one else does and I feel like that’s the same for her. And I know there’s so much more for me to learn and I’m excited for that.

Nora: 100% I know them better than I’ve known anyone in my entire life, the connection was instantaneous, and for me it scared me more than anything which is why I had to grab it and not let it go. There’s so much left to learn about them, and about each other but.. That’s why I want forever so I can learn every single little thing about them and love them all the more for it.

Do you feel as though you have learned enough about you and your partner’s limits and expectations of the relationship as a whole?

LJ: I do feel like we’ve learned a lot about our limits and expectations. We’ve already had instances where we pushed each other out of our comfort zones and talked about what we expect from each other. We’ve been talking for months about taking this step and making sure that we’re ready for it. We’re ready for it.

Nora: I always figured TPE would be a hard limit for me but when LJ asked it was almost like something inside me said to give it one last shot. It was one of my favorite things to do, but I’d only ever do it with them. Having them control my every move was freeing in a way I didn’t think it could ever be living under someone’s constant eye. I trust LJ with everything in me because they’ve given me more than enough reason too. I’ve learned about their limits, and expectations through not only time but through experience and communication and I think that matters a lot.

Do you feel you both are well versed in what a claim will be outside of the trial period?

LJ: I think we’ve got a good idea from the examples around us and the things we’ve learned in our classes, but this will definitely be the ultimate test. We’re going to model our claim as we can to an actual claim to really push and test ourselves.

Nora: Oh yeah I fully think we know what to expect, but we also won’t really know until we try which is what I think this is for. This trial claim is to make sure when we move forward it’s smooth as can be, obviously not every bump and kink can be ironed out, but we can get rid of the big ones and handle the rest together.

Do you believe you are comfortable enough with each other and the fundamental levels of BDSM as a whole?

LJ: Yes. This was the part I needed to work on the most before we were ready for this step. I can be too relaxed and while I don’t think that makes me unfit I did need to think more like a Dominant instead of a romantic partner to Nora. But right now, I’m more than ready and I think she is too.

Nora: Yes, especially learning what they mean to me and how they relate to me. I was taught about D/s in a way that was unhealthy and so far in my time here I’ve learned submissives and switches are allowed to have a voice that can be heard. Beyond that I think, as I said above, the rest comes with time as we need to acclimate to what our dynamic as Dom and Sub will be not just girlfriends.

Lastly please provide the list of rules under which your claim will operate:

Nora will wear her collar at all times.

Nora will follow all school and society rules and address all higher marks with the proper titles.

Nora will go to all classes and club meetings unless otherwise specified by me.

Nora must go to all work shifts at the hospital unless otherwise specified by me.

Nora will do a scene with my at least twice a week and at least two full TPE weeks during the trial.

Nora will ask permission before doing scenes with other people.

Nora does not need to ask permission to hang out in her free time, but she does need to notify me.

Nora will be responsible for specific chores and meals during the week. For example (breakfast and the bathrooms)

Nora is encouraged to use her safeword any time she feels like she’s being pushed too far.

Nora will always be honest with me. And if she is not ready to tell me something, she should tell me that.

Nora must talk to me about all major life decisions before they are made.

Nora will keep a journal, writing down their reflections each week of the trial claim.

Nora will be punished for any broken rules or orders.

Including examples of punishments and rewards that may be used to reinforce them.

Rewards:

Choice of scenes

Choice of activities

Orgasms (given or received)

Gifts

Punishments:

Kneeling in stress positions

Grounding (No free time)

Corner Time

Loss of privacy (in extreme cases)

Kink/Limits:

LJ’s Kinks: TPE, roleplay, bondage, orgasm control/denial

LJ’s Limits: body fluids, humiliation. degradation, pain play (soft: impact)

Nora’s Kinks: bondage, impact play, forced orgasm, humiliation, edging, over stimulation, hair pulling

Nora’s Limits: scat, gore, vore, isolation, permanent marks, heavy degradation, yelling

Nora’s safeword: DIAMOND

#trial claim #approved

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thebladeblaster · 3 years

Text

Heart of the Vanguard Concept Chapter final part

(Concept chapters are basically just to test to see if people will like a fic idea I have. This fic crosses over Yugioh Duel Monsters and Cardfight Vanguard.)

Yugi

Hand: 0

“Now, I end my turn.”, Yugi said.

“I draw and I activate my own Pot of Greed allowing me to draw two cards!”, Aichi started.

Aichi

Hand: 4

“I summon Valkriyan Knight and I attack your Guard!”, Aichi declared.

Aichi

Hand: 3

“Because of its effect it can’t be destroyed by monsters with more than 1900 attack points.”, Yugi explained.

“But you still take damage.”, Aichi pointed out.

Yugi LP 1000->500

“I end my turn.”, Aichi said.

“Dang it! Where did all your equip cards go?!”, Kamui questioned as he grabbed Aichi’s arm and shook him, causing him to sweat drop.

“I’m really on the edge right now. This next card will decide everything.”, Yugi thought as he drew his next card.

“I set one card facedown. I end my turn.”, Yugi said.

“I draw and summon Noble Knight Borz.”, Aichi started.

Noble Knight Borz

ATK 1700/ DEF 909

Aichi

Hand:3

“I activate the effect of Wingal from my graveyard to equip myself to Borz. Due to Borz’s effect he becomes a dark type and gains 1 level more importantly I can reveal 3 Noble Arms from my deck and my opponent chooses one of the 3 to add to my hand the rest go to the graveyard.

Aichi held up the back to three cards for Yugi to pick. Yugi was unsure of which one to pick. Honestly any equip card he uses could be potentially bad for him. He chose the card on the far left. Aichi revealed the card Yugi picked it was Gwenhwyfar, Queen of Noble Arms. Aichi sent the other two to his graveyard. Aichi decided to not use Gwenhwyfar now.

Aichi

Hand:4

“I set Manju to defense mode and attack you with Borz.”, Aichi declared.

I activate my trap card Magical Hats. My Guard is sent face down and I set 3 traps from my deck face down and shuffle their positions.”, Yugi countered.

“That means I only have two chances.”, Aichi said.

“You were cautious. You probably thought my set trap was Mirror Force, that's why you set your monster to defense.”, Yugi replied, making Aichi sigh.

“You're right I am cautious. Well I can’t do anything about it now. I attack the two inner hats.”, Aichi replied.

Yugi revealed the cards to be Fake Trap and Trap Jammer. Neither of them were Yugi’s monster. Many of their spectators gawked in disbelief.

“That luck is unreal.”, Emi commented.

“It’s called the heart of the cards.”, Yugi replied.

“So, dumb luck.”, Misaki replied.

“I end my turn.”, Aichi said.

“I draw and I activate Monster Reborn to bring back Gaia.”, Yugi started.

“I attack your Borz with Gaia.”, Yugi declared.

Aichi LP 3700->2800

“That was smart.”, Kai commented.

“Uh why?”, Anzu questioned.

“If I attacked Valkriyan he would have brought back Majesty Lord Blaster. Not to mention I stopped him from adding more equip cards to his hand.”, Yugi explained.

“Right he could use an equip card to try to get over Gaia.”, Honda realized.

“With Gaia’s effect he gains 2600 attack. Now I end my turn.”, Yugi said.

Gaia ATK 2600->5200

“I draw.”, Aichi started.

Aichi

Hand:5

“I summon Noble Knight Gawayn and I activate Double Summon. I tribute Gawayn and Manju to summon Incandescent Lion, Blond Ezel!”, Aichi continued.

Incandescent Lion, Blond Ezel

( BEAST-WARRIOR / FIRE / EFFECT/ ATK : 3000 / DEF : 2500 / LV 8

Effect: Once per turn, you can reveal the top four cards of your deck; choose one warrior or beast-warrior monster among them and special summon it if you do this monster gains attack equal to half that monster’s original attack, then shuffle the rest of the cards you revealed back into your deck. The monster special summoned by this effect can cannot be used as material for special summoning except warrior or beast-warrior monsters.)

“That’s the card he won from Kourin in Battle City.”, Kamui commented.

“It’s all or nothing I activate the effect of Blond Ezel to evacuate the top 4 cards of my deck if one is a warrior or beast warrior monster I can special summon it and Ezel gains half its attack points.”, Aichi said.

“Come on! Draw something like Kuriboh!”, Honda said.

Aichi revealed the top 4 cards of his deck: Blaster Dark, Mirror Force, Noble Arms Gallatin, and Noble Knight Iyvanne.

Any semblance of a poker face Yugi had dropped when he saw the first card. Yugi’s expression looked completely pale as he saw Blaster Dark.

“I am so glad this wasn’t a shadow game.”, Yugi said as slumped.

“That doesn’t sound good, Yugi.”, Anzu commented, sweat dropping.

“C-crap! Blaster Dark seriously?! I thought you only had one like Blaster Blade?”, Honda questioned.

“Actually Ren gave me 3 when he gave me the Ignoble Knight deck.”, Aichi replied, causing Honda to gape.

“Ren probably owned all of the Blaster Darks in circulation considering he had his own 3.”, Miwa added.

“Now, just imagine if he had 3 Blaster Blades.” Shin said.

“I frankly don’t think I want to.”, Honda replied.

“I chose Blaster Dark which means Ezel gains 1050 attack. And Blaster Dark returns. How funny I was hoping for a Dark monster to equip Gwenhwyfar to.”, Aichi continued.

Incandescent Lion, Blond Ezel

ATK 3000->4050

“I activate Blaster Dark’s effect tributing Valkriyan Knight to destroy Gaia. Now, I attack you directly.”, Aichi declared.

“Yeah…Umm...I lost. Man, he should duel you Yami next time.”, Yugi said.

Yugi LP 500->0

“It seems our bonds with our cards are equal. Hmm. It was an entertaining duel.”, Yami said.

Aichi blinked for a few seconds looking completely stunned as if he was still trying to process his victory.

“Oh my god! I beat Yugi!”, Aichi gasped.

“You did it bro!”, Kamui cheered, pulling Aichi into a hug.

“Aichi!”, Emi called out, hugging her brother.

“Good job.”, Misaki said.

“That was the most wicked duel I’ve ever seen!”, the brown haired teen said.

“Man, your really getting strong bud.”, Miwa commented.

“Well of course he had me as his master after all.”, Morikawa proclaimed, making the others sweat drop.

“Congrats.”, Yugi said.

Aichi’s blushed at all the congratulations.

“Well, looks like I’m up next Aichi. If you’re up for it.”, Kai said.

“Of course!”, Aichi accepted, instantly practically bouncing with joy.

If he was a puppy they could imagine his tail would be wagging right now. They had plenty of more fun duels that day. They kinda lost track of time too not noticing it changing to night. Aichi and Yugi sat down next to each other the former seeming rather exhausted.

“Maybe next time you can duel me and Yami together.”, Yugi said.

“I don’t think I could beat you both working together even with Psyqualia.”, Aichi replied as he rubbed his eyes.

“Really? You seemed pretty strong using it?”, Yugi questioned.

“Well...I’m not so sure besides it’s not just something I can turn on and off whenever I want. It just kinda activates and deactivates its own. I’m not sure I would feel comfortable using it if I could. ”, Aichi replied.

“You can’t?”, Yugi replied, stunned.

“Well, I don’t even understand how it works. It just kinda does. I don’t even know why I have it and others don’t.”, Aichi replied.

“Maybe we’ll find out one of these days. Gods know I still hardly understand how this puzzle works. Though, I really liked the duel with just the two of us with no supernatural forces involved. Thinking about it has been awhile since I have just relied on my own strength and won. I think I have more to grow by myself then I won’t have to rely on Yami all the time.”, Yugi replied.

Aichi smiled at this a rather sleepy smile but a smile.

“Yeah, I still have a lot to grow too. I got lucky against you and Ren. I need to become strong enough to win without luck.”, Aichi replied.

“Hehe. I think I was luckier than you in that duel.”, Yugi replied.

Yugi sweat dropped as Aichi seemed to dip in and out of sleep.

“Come on, Aichi don’t fall asleep in the chair your back will hurt.”, Emi told her brother with motherly worry.

“I’mmmm alright Emmm...zzzz”, Aichi replied, before falling asleep.

“Aichi! Seriously I swear you could never get by without me or mom!”, Emi said angrily, shaking her brother.

“Ffive mooore minutes…”, Aichi replied groggily.

To be continued…

So, this isn’t actually how the fic would actually start its just to give you an idea of what it would be like. Since I added in some Vanguard cards I decided to give Yugi and co. some of their newer support cards to balance things out. Not sure when I’ll officially start on this fic maybe when Dark Circuit is done and I’m a bit further in Tamer ZERO. Who knows honestly my attention span sucks. I was supposed to be writing Dark Circuit and I ended up writing this instead. I’ll try to get to it after I’m finished with my rewatch of the Avatar series and my trip soon. Honestly, I just need to focus one at a time and I’d get stuff done. Hopefully, I can finish Dark Circuit before the end of the Summer. I have had a hard time writing it for the past few months for some reason.

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pastagolia · 4 years

Text

Songs that make me think of my boyfriend and why -

I don’t expect anyone to read this all the way through I just like making lists and wanna share a little bit of my heart

Caught Up In You by 38 Special - it’s one of those songs where the singer never expected to fall in love and then they met someone who changed their life and dragged them into the eternal bliss and obsession of love, and not to get too personal on main (she says at the beginning of a list of songs that remind her of her favourite person) but that is literally what happened with us. Both of us wanted to be single forever, but after meeting each other we changed our minds and immediately started planning for our future together

I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing by Aerosmith - I asked him what song reminded him of me, and he sent me this all casual like “yeah I was lowkey thinking of you while listening to this sooo” and then I listened to it and actively cried

Hey, Leonardo by Blessed Union of Souls - see this one is just an amazing song because it’s all about how, as the chorus says, “she likes me for me" - not because of anything like looks or money or anything, but because of personality and the love in the soul, which as an asexual person I relate to real hard

The Boys of Summer by Don Henley - this is technically one of those break up songs that sing about a summer fling and how he thinks about her all those years later, but I love it because 1. it’s a beautiful song and 2. the first time I heard it was in the car with him on the way back from the first thing we went to as a couple. I sat next to him in his car holding his hand shielding my eyes from the setting sun, heading back to his house to eat dinner and play Minecraft, and it was just so amazing

Summer of ‘69 by Bryan Adams - one time we were sitting in the car and he said “bruh this is my favourite song because he says 69 lol” and now I laugh every time I listen to it (I laughed beforehand too but now the humour has a bit of love in it)

Photograph by Def Leppard - he made me listen to it because he liked the guitar solo and it is already a banger, plus it’s kind of a love song (more like a lust song, but the lust is so easily disguised that I can sing it and still be all lovey without thinking about how this guy is basically wanking to a picture of a girl he likes)

Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen - I showed it to him because I thought he’d like it and apparently it’s one of his favourite songs so we sat in the car together scream singing about fat bottomed girls (and it’s kind of funny because he really did pick himself a fat bottomed girl so it’s funny to hear him singing about it lol)

Mr. Rainmaker by Warrant - this is just the sweetest song, here is the sweetest bit - “Mr. Rainmaker, don’t waste your time, cause I’ve found a girl who is permanent sunshine” - and that makes me smile so bad because he is my permanent sunshine

Share Your Address by Ben Platt - see this song is just a beautiful proclamation of love and the intention of spending the rest of your life with another person, which obviously has me thinking about the loml

Temporary Love by Ben Platt - while we’re on this Ben Platt album, temporary love is what I listen to whenever things get hard because it is about a couple pushing through the struggles of being intimate with each other and sharing their souls - “leaning on somebody’s never easy” - and that is so true, and a reminder that he loves me even when I feel scared to let him

I’m a Believer by Smash Mouth - this is good for a couple reasons 1. Shrek is a meme and half of our relationship is memes and humour 2. it’s another one where OP never thought he’d fall in love

Smooth (ft. Rob Thomas) by Santana - one of the songs that he recommended to me, so I think about him every time I listen

Hooked On a Feeling by Blue Swede - I am in fact hooked on the feeling that he’s in love with me. I was never appreciated by people I wasn’t related to whilst growing up, and the best friend I made in high school ended up just using me, so the idea that someone is actually in love with me and not pretending or using me is so beautiful

Walk This Way by Aerosmith - again, not a love song, but it’s a song that we both love and is a whole ass bop. Plus, when we were in high school, whenever we were trying to motivate our group to stop standing around and start walking we would start singing this, so not only is it a connection between us but it’s also a memory of a time when we were just friends and both secretly crushing on each other

Jack & Diane by John Mellencamp - a song that I got from his playlist that slapssss, and that kind of has some stuff that makes me think about him and about us

Hotel California by Eagles - this is a rock ballad. I am NOT a fan of rock ballads. But this is one of his favourite songs that he sings all the time, so back when I had a crush on him, I sat down and listened to it a billion times until it was stuck in my head and I was forced to like it so that we would have something in common, and now whenever I listen to it I think about him and what I would do for him

Mama I’m Coming Home by Ozzy Osbourne - this is another rock ballad but it’s one of his favourite songs so I conditioned myself to like it and now I love it and it makes me really happy, so particularly when the syncopated guitar comes in I think about him (no reason for the placement, I guess that’s just when I realised the song kind of went hard)

Dr. Feelgood by Motley Crue - my music taste is heavier metal and more exciting music (Black Veil Brides, Motley Crue, Metallica, Warrant, ACDC, etc) and his music taste is more chill classic rock (Queen, John Mellencamp, Aerosmith, Def Leppard, etc). I like a lot of his music - I’ll listen to pretty much anything as long as I can bop to it (that’s why I don’t like ballads) - but he doesn’t really like my harder stuff. This is one of the songs he recently admitted to liking, along with Enter Sandman by Metallica, so now I think about him when I hear them

then there’s a whole list of songs that I got from his playlist that are actual bops and I listen to mostly because I like them (but like a little bit of him still pops up when I listen), and LOTS of songs that I can picture us dancing to together in the car, screaming the lyrics and dancing and laughing together.

honestly I think what we’ve learned from this post is that I am in love with him and everything makes me think about him.

anywho, if you actually read all the way through this, hi I love you and I hope you will have/are having an amazing day. thanks for humouring me and letting me geek out about the one person in this world who chose to love me and has continued to choose to love me every single day

I literally cannot stop talking posting typing thinking about it and about him, I know it’s unhealthy to be obsessed, and honestly I don’t think I am obsessed, but you have no idea how crazy it is to me that there is someone in this world who picked me. out of everyone else in the world. he had a crush on the prettiest most talented girl in the whole school, and she liked him back, but he chose me. and he keeps picking me. every day he wakes up and sends me memes and tells me he loves me and takes as much time as possible out of his week to call me and thinks about me all day and tries his best for me. and that is crazy. I spent most of my life being told that the only reason I existed was to make other people happy and my worth was determined by how I let people use me and that people loved me not because of who I am but because of what I can do for them. so the fact that there is someone in this world who lets me be me in all my needy attention-whoring glory and loves me because of it shakes me to the core every single time I think about it.

and I can’t stop talking about it, I wanna tell everyone that stands still that someone is in love with me and chose me and doesn’t think that I’m annoying and thinks that I’m worth it just because I exist and not because of what I can do for him and I just wanna tell everyone everywhere that HE LOVES ME

okay that’s it, ya girl is gonna go to bed - if you couldn’t tell I sorely need it. sleep well, dear friends, and remember that life is beautiful, you are beautiful and worth it, and that no matter what kind of love you want - platonic, romantic, sexual - it is there for you and it will be more amazing than anything you can dream of

#the ramblings of a sleep deprived romantic piece of shit #don't mind me #i don't expect anyone to rb this #i just wanted to rant a little bit and share a tiny piece of my heart #cause if i hold it all in for too long i might explode #mine

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