#I just want him to be able to live and experience life without transphobia and ignorance is that so much to ask 🤧🤧🤧

[rachiller]

One thing I am NOT looking forward to about going home for Christmas is having to watch my little brother get misgendered and deadnamed and having to constantly correct my parents about it/not being able to do anything re: my grandparents bc I think he’s technically still not out to them. Anyway here’s to three straight days of referring to him as ‘the child’ and ‘munchkin’ around company like I did when he was only out to me and I didn’t want to deadname him lmaooo

[daughterofnoridoorman]

how does my uzi kintype affects a my identities, alterhuman and lgbt? the reason i love murder drones is because of the way the characters are portrayed. for example, n is more than just the dangerous-but-nice golden retriever. he is too nice for his own good, and by existing he goes against his designed purpose. being kind hurt him, and even though he seems fully aware of that he doesn't stop. this also applies to uzi- she's more than the angsty chosen one teenager. there are so many layers to her personality, which makes it pretty difficult to put a pin on the way that having her as a kintype affects me spoiler alert and mentions of su1cide+v1olence!

1- hooded crow theriotype in home, uzi "hacks" the mind of n (and also v's mind too. whatever) to prevent their memories from being wiped. during this, she takes the form of a hooded crow with the username 'darkxwolf17'. when i took this into consideration, i realized why my crow theriotype was so weird. i felt like a person in a crow's body, not a crow in a human's body, which is how i usually feel with my theriotypes. but being darkxwolf17, NOT a crow made so much more sense. it explained why i got bird shifts even though i didnt feel like a bird, why i felt that way, why i always wanted to make nests despite not wanting eggs. i am the body of a hooded crow, not the crow itself.

2- absolutesolver kin (violence warning) (note; when i refer to the solver, i am referring to the virus itself. not cyn, not yeva, not nori, not doll, not uzi. THE solver. not its hosts.) even though uzi neutralized the absolutesolver, it still 'lives' on in her programming. and it is a separate entity from uzi. in my mind, the absolutesolver represents intrusive, violent thoughts. that definition fits both the way i've come to see it and the canon. as someone who has struggled with intrusive thoughts for years, i've learned not to feel too much shame about them. in my experience, that only makes them worse. i know that it's not my fault i cannot control my thoughts, and i wont beat myself up about it anymore. this may sound like the thing your elementary school teacher would say if you got in a fight, but i may not be able to control my thoughts, but what i can control is whether i react to them or not. that's what uzi did. she learned how to block the absolutesolver from her mind. how to take control of what it gave her without it taking control of her. 3- monsterkin (suicide and violence warning) i am vampirekin and demonkin. for the sake of convinience, i will say 'monsterkin' and use it as a general term when i am talking about both of these identities. in cabin fever, uzi transforms into a 'monster' when she does not consume enough oil to keep herself from overheating. in my case, the consuming oil part is like seeking validation. i have always needed validation, but more than usual. i have tried too hard to be noticed and congratulated, but it never worked. and then, the overheating is like suicidal thoughts. without validation, i start to become suicidal. i need high amounts of validation to stay in a 'normal' mental state. uzi's classmates treated her as a monster, even before she transformed. just for being herself. as someone who is a queer alterhuman and has known that from a young age, this has really resonated with me. for just existing, i am a monster. a creature of sin. the subtle homophobia and transphobia i recieved from my closest friend, combined with the same hatred towards alterhumanity from even more people before i was even ten really messed me up. the way cabin fever is written just really connects to me. uzi's already so fucked up, she doesnt need another factor ruining up her life. but it does it anyways. she's proven to everyone how she's a monster. (im not elaborating for personal reasons) the fact that uzi's classmates at the end of absolute end didnt really care that much just really helps me feel better. they didnt care. why would my classmates care? 4- gender and sexuality before i even knew girls could kiss girls, i liked girls. in particular, i liked people i had a friendship with. however, my friendships were very messed up and i fell in love with anyone my age who could treat me with decent respect. i headcanon uzi as bi, and i didnt understand why (other than the doc martens) until i connected the dots that im uzi. i am bisexual. maybe? and theres also referring to v as hot at ep 8 so... angsty bi queen uzi but, although me, the almalgamation of kintypes and names that i am, the uzi part of me always feels bisexual. always. when i think of myself as uzi, i can only see myself as demisexual-bisexual and demiromantic-biromantic. this also applies to gender- i am an axenlector user. i collect xenogenders. i am cottoncandygender, i am gendersky, i am gummisharkgender, i am starricattic. i am more genders than i can count. and i dont care honestly. but once again, when i really connect to uzi, i can only see myself as feminine. this does vary from demigirl to rosegirl to just girl. 5- notes and stuff! well, thanks for reading all the way through! a like, reblog, or follow would be awesome! every time i referred to uzi as someone else it was like "why r u talking abt urself in third person! YOU ARE UZI DOORMAN!" but alas, i must differentiate between myself and my kintypes,,, maybe one day i will not have to,,, please tell me im not the only one kkkkkkkkk

[skarletterambles]

On today's episode of "I could reblog that and add my thoughts, but that might invite drama nobody (including me) asked for, so I'll just make a new post over here"...

The OP I decided not to bother said this:

(It has the same energy as "I'm not prejudiced, but...")

"Undeniable," huh? Hold my beer.

If your parents are abusive or toxic, I'm sure that statement is true. You can't heal from trauma that's ongoing any more than you can heal a scubbed knee if you keep dragging it across the sidewalk.

It sucks that anyone has to deal with living in a toxic environment, crappy parents, etc. I sincerely hope things get better soon for everyone in that situation.

But not everyone is in that situation.

I admit my kneejerk reaction was something along the lines of, "You don't know me and my situation so how dare you make assumptions and then judge me based on them." But of course I don't know OP or the commenters, either. I imagine the original was a quick vent post that wasn't meant to be a blanket statement, nor to spread and attract drama. The comments still turned into a shitshow that I didn't want to stir in; thus my own post.

In what shouldn't be news to anyone, everyone is a different person, living in a different situation with different family, with different history and culture, in a different socioeconomic stratum, and with different physical and mental health conditions, and therefore what is wonderful for one person is hell for another and vice versa. Or to shorten it to a meme: your experience is not universal.

Personally, I live with my parents because the choice is literally that or homelessness. Period. I'm fine with it, honestly, and consider myself lucky to have this option.

When I'm not at work or occasionally out with a friend, I want to just be quiet at home, which jives well with two 70-something retirees. I'm aro/ace so there's no awkward romance to work around. I'm an only child so there are no siblings to complicate the situation.

I have a great relationship with my mom. I used to with my dad, as well, but personality changes after his stroke have made it harder. I still love him, though. As they both age and deal with chronic health issues, I'm glad I'm here and able to help. It was the same when my grandmother lived the last twenty-odd years of her life with us, too.

I can only work part-time due to a medically documented disability, so I cannot afford to live on my own. (Hell, a lot of people with multiple jobs or full-time jobs can't afford that these days, either.) No one in my extended family is well off, and we try to help each other whenever possible. Any extra support my parents could give is already tied up keeping another family member from ending up on the street--which I'm glad they can do! We're all in this together. (For the record, I buy all my own stuff plus contribute to the grocery budget for the household, and I pay some of the household bills as well as my personal ones.)

I would absolutely love more alone time, but I wouldn't want to go days at the time without seeing family, either. Ideally I'd like to live next door, or in a detached guest house, so I could choose how much time I spend with my parents and still have a place that was all mine. I'd love to pick how to organize cupboards, how to decorate, etc. I get to do some of that already, but having a place be truly mine would be great. These are not huge issues that keep me awake at night, though.

I interact with a lot of unhoused persons at my job in a public library, and I'm frequently reminded of how much privilege I have. I have a reliable roof over my head with heating/air-conditioning, laundry, a kitchen, hot and cold running water that is safe to drink, a good winter coat, food to eat, etc. I live in an area that has a relatively low crime rate, and is nowhere near a war zone. I do not experience racism, transphobia, or homophobia. I have not been touched by a natural disaster.

Nobody's life is perfect. Some are better than mine. Lots are worse.

What is true for OP isn't true for me. What is true for me isn't true for OP. What is true for either of us isn't true for a hypothetical third person. I'm not trying to slam a gavel down and scream "YOU'RE WRONG!" at OP or those who agree with them. I just had thoughts to unload about the nuances. Which I did.

So now I'll shut up. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[dexadin]

hi! i saw your rb of the response to your strahdyana post where you mentioned in the tags that your strahd is trans masc, and i was wondering if you could talk a little more abt that? i'm a trans masc dm preparing to run cos for some friends and i've thought about idea before but it's so validating to hear it from someone else too! how did you decide on it, & how has it affected how you run/characterize him?

sometimes i sit on an ask for a month because i want to think of a good answer and then i come back to it like damn… their campaign's over fr…..but hopefully this will be of some help!!

so truthfully, I sat on this ask for so long because I was trying to put into words how my Strahd's transmasculinity affects him and could only think of concrete evidence of his transness coming up when the party gets a really good bit going. Not jokes about Strahd being a trans man, of course, but jokes that are only funny when A. Strahd is trans and B. almost all of the party is trans both ic and ooc (you may be familiar with our 'down with cis carriage' meme).

a lot of reflection with @runekept and reading of strahd metaanalysis from the CoS reddit has led me to believe that my idea of strahd actually is deeply affected by his (and my) transmasculinity. To start out, this interpretation does rely on at least some amount of passive transphobia and historically outdated gender roles. Obviously, games where trans people are immediately accepted and able to transition without any social barriers or difficulty are great, but I typically play games with a player-approved amount of social barriers because we find it cathartic, so that's where I'm coming from.

Below the cut is a lot of me playing 4D gender chess with Strahd von Zarovich, spoilers for Strahd's backstory below!

I've talked before about how I think that Strahd works best when his desire to possess Tatyana, and the metaphor for his vampirism, is a desperate attempt to cling to his bygone youth, something he was fiercely jealous of Sergei about. I think this is an interesting and humanizing angle to take any Strahd, but I think that this is particularly compelling with a trans Strahd. It shifts his desire away from vanity and entitlement, and highlights his struggle to live up to the standards of masculinity set by his neglectful father in wartime. Like, if you're trans and are in the community, you know or know of a trans guy just like that: a guy who does misogynistic, even homophobic and transphobic things in the name of being 'macho', things that he feels will earn him conditional respect in the eyes of cis male society. In doing so, he may or may not earn that conditional respect, but he does lose the respect and companionship of people who would have otherwise supported him and shared in his experiences. Strahd read so easily and so clearly to me as That Guy, and of 3/4 of my players being trans, I thought it'd be fun to interpret Strahd as trans.

In "I, Strahd," we learn that the oldest son of a family is destined for military greatness, and the youngest to be a healer. Of course, this is a lot of pressure to put on any young man, but imagine the pressure that put on baby transmasc Strahd! In transitioning, he is not just becoming a man, but the Oldest Son, a role that requires skill and violence and training. His parents are relying on him to protect their country and conquer new lands. The internalized message he learns is that for him, masculinity and respect is equal to conquest. He makes his entire identity being a war general for his parents' kingdom, and spends his entire young adult life battling for and conquering Barovia. He throws away any chance he had to make friends or find love in his formative years because it was too dangerous for a military man to let himself be swayed by emotion. By the time his young brother Sergei comes by, with all his youth and all the gentleness and charm of a cleric, Strahd is a battleworn man well into his 40s. When Tatyana chooses Sergei over Strahd, Strahd perceives it as being not necessarily because Sergei is cisgender, but specifically because of the youth, the gentleness, the humanity that Sergei posesses-- qualities that Strahd surrendered in lieu of earning respect and masculinity.

In Strahd's warped vision, everything is about conquest. He is incapable of valuing people beyond the concept of loss and victory. Having love, having a wife, is a marker of masculinity that he believes he "earned." He believes he should have "won" Tatyana because he worked so hard to be a man. This sense of conquest is also seen with his coterie of brides. They're a bunch of people he took on romantically to emulate his desire To Have a Wife without having any true attachment to them beyond being the trophies of masculinity that he believes he is entitled to. He continues to pursue Tatyana (regardless of whether you play Strahd as actually romantically interested in her) because to him, she is a prize that is always just beyond his grasp. If he had played the game a little bit better, if he had been a bit more the man his father wanted him to be, maybe he could have her. So he keeps playing the game, cursed to lose her forever, because the game was never real. His goal of being a 'real man' would never be attainable in his own eyes. Strahd cannot win.

I don't know if any of this is immediately apparent when I play him. But it gives him a bit of depth when you're considering his reactions to the party. In ATSBB, his pursuit of Vanya (an explicitly trans character) is made richer when you consider Strahd's own relationship to gender. In @runekept's word's. their relationship has "an agonizingly tragic edge of you're like me, you understand me, we understand each other in a way no one else can because we're both different and that means I cannot let you go." It is this desperate pursuit to cling onto something he feels only missed because of his dedication to Winning Masculinity. Strahd is the portrait of a man who led himself to ruin because of how badly he craved approval that he would never get where he sought it, but he could have gotten easily if he'd looked anywhere else. He lost his chance to be a human in his pursuit of being his father's son. This makes him no less evil, but makes him pitiful--a picture perfect gothic villain.

I hope that any of this was even mildly coherent. Unfortunately, the times I notice Strahd being trans most is when we say that Strahd could fix Vallaki if he outlawed being cisgender. Feel free to let me know if there's anything you think I missed and I will try to answer in a more timely manner LOL

[discluded]

have you seen that mae nathanee posted this pic of mile from vogue magazine with mile's quote about freedom? she must be so proud of her son 🥺💚

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cjel894LL34/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

OH ANON, thank you for giving me a chance to talk about another thing I didn't know how to bring up casually about the interview (sorry to everyone whose experience of my blog has just been me screaming AND ONE MORE THING into tungle.hellspace)

Also, if you have an Instagram, please go and give the Vogue post a like and comment!

First of all, it's soooo cute Mama Mae Nathanee is so supportive of her son. Their relationship is so so so so cute.

She should absolutely be proud of him! And proud of herself for how well she raised him.

Second of all, I want to talk about something what Mile said that either is lost in translation and/or the nuance might be missing to some people.

Here is the translation from MileApo Safe Place (alt: the one that @nattaphum consolidated. They're both very close.)

"I agree with Po, and I believe in the freedom to live life. No matter the preference, orientation, or love of a person of any gender, age, or status, everyone should have the freedom to decide to be their authentic self."

- Mile Phakphum in Vogue Thailand, Sept 2022

At first glance, this can read as a "treat everyone with respect" comment from Mile, which might feel a bit "all lives matter" in the context of a question about LGBTQ+ issues. But as bad as Mile's memory is, he obviously listened to what Apo said first and is adding on to it. He heard the question was about LGBTQ+ issues.

Apo's answer was very direct: It was a not-so-subtle comment about the lack of equal rights and protections for LGBTQ people in Thailand, including the 2021 Thailand Supreme Court ruling against marriage equality. This is a very good call out that isn't just "everyone should be able to love who they love."

But remember that Mile's personality is not as direct as Apo's. Even his comment about online bullying he received and plea for kindness was very soft and indirect compared to what Apo's said in the past on Twitter. There's nothing wrong with either, but it's who Mile is, so it's always important to take what he says with that context.

Apo talked about the lack of protections for LGBTQ couples, the lived mundanity of inequality and discrimination that most people don't think about. Mile is adding on to that to say there is a lived violence in the inequality that LGBTQ people experience outside of their relationships as well that he wanted to highlight.

Of course everyone should have the freedom to marry who they love and build a life with that person, but LGBTQ people deserve respect and protection for being just who they are. Trans people should have the right to live without fear and discrimination or being a novelty that talk show hosts can laugh at [insert link of Apo defending that trans beauty queen/actress at that talk show I can't find right now], bi / pan / 🤷🏻‍♀️ questioning? folks should be allowed to live their truth without people invalidating their identity because of their partner, and everyone should be protected from homophobia because censure/bullying of how people naturally choose to present themselves affects cisstraight and queer people. Homophobia (and transphobia) is not about the recipient, it's about the violence a bigot enacts on someone they identify as a target.

So yeah. Mile's comment about freedom to be your authentic self, as a queer person who is not in a relationship and might never be, was really moving to me.

In case you missed it: Mile and Apo had seven questions in Vogue, their most widely circulated publication interview op to date, and they really took the LGBTQ rights question head on.

[ensnapemysenses]

The Knight and The Prince

Part 1

Synopsis: Emery Knight, the newly appointed Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts, experiences some backlash due to him being trans-masc. It seems the only person willing to stand up for him and his rights is the snarky Professor Severus Snape. Will they become friends or perhaps something even more?

Pairing: Severus Snape x FTM Trans-Masc OC

Warnings: Transphobia, Dead Naming, Bit of Angst?, Bit of Sad? (It will get better trust me!), Some Slight Bullying, Probably Some Smut in Later Parts, If I Missed Anything Please Let Me Know!

A/N: This is my first time writing for an OC! I hope you enjoy it! :)

Word Count: 1,638

Masterlists

Emery Knight rolls over and groans as his alarm goes off; the constant beeping threatens to give him a headache as he shuts it off. It’s the day before the students return to Hogwarts for the term and he still has a lot of preparations to complete. The first-day teaching nerves are beginning to set in as this is Emery’s first teaching job ever, not to mention that Hogwarts was built like a labyrinth and after a month of living in the castle, he still can’t find his way around without getting lost in the process. Emery had taken Dumbledore’s offer to teach defense against the dark arts before he had heard that the position was jinxed, every former teacher only lasting one year in the position; now as the start of term was beginning, he was regretting his decision.

As he entered the Great Hall for breakfast, silently celebrating the fact he didn’t get lost on the way there, he took his usual seat in the corner away from all the other professors. Most of them hadn’t been too friendly towards him, he figured it was the fact that he was trans. Perhaps they just didn’t want to include him in the conversation in case they slipped up and messed up and referred to him with a pronoun he isn’t fond of. It didn’t bother them when anyone did such a thing, he was actually very understanding and non-confrontational. Most of the time he wouldn’t even bring it up unless it happened multiple times and he was starting to get uncomfortable.

To his surprise, as he nibbles on a piece of dry toast and stares off into the abyss lost in his own daydreams, a professor he hasn’t met yet sits down next to them. That professor is none other than Severus Snape. This is Severus’s first day back at the castle, he had spent his break, as usual, at his home in Cokeworth, purposefully waiting until the very last moment to return. 

As much as he hates being back at Hogwarts, he equally loathes spending time at his own home. He doesn’t really belong anywhere, not at Hogwarts, and not even at his own home. No, he only belongs in his own mind, there he is not pestered by the anxieties of his life as a spy and he is able to live his life at peace, if only for a short time. 

As he approaches the professor's table he is slightly annoyed at the sight of a new professor in his regular seat, being that he is a creature of routine his whole day now feels a bit - off. 

“I see you enjoy the seat away from everyone else also as that is where I usually sit. I suppose I should introduce myself, as it is the first time we are making our acquaintance, “ he says with a low chuckle and an eye roll. “Severus Snape, potions master, head of Slytherin house, you may refer to me as Severus if you wish,” he drawls.

“Nice to meet you, Severus. I’m Emery Knight, the new defense against the dark arts professor.” Emery pauses for a moment before adding, “Just so there are no misunderstandings, I think I should go ahead and say that I go by he/him pronouns.”

Severus doesn’t miss a beat as he continues the conversation. “Thank you for letting me know, I’ll be sure to remember and refer to you as such,” he says with a small understanding smile and a polite nod.

Delighted at how Severus took the news very well as compared to the other professors, Emery smiles to himself as he finishes up his breakfast. His day seems to be off to a good start, but that quickly changes.

After breakfast Emery finds himself wandering the corridors trying to find his classroom. The moving staircases and hidden passageways really messed with his sense of direction today and he soon finds himself in the dungeons. Facepalming at his poor sense of direction he attempts to retrace his steps but ends up even more lost as he finds himself in front of Snape’s office door. Sighing deeply as he recognizes he doesn’t have much choice, he lifts his hand and lightly knocks on the door; maybe Snape will be willing to help him find his way around.

“Come in,” Snape says in a low voice as the door opens and he steps aside for him to enter. “It’s so nice to see you again after such a short time away,” he drawls with a sarcastic chuckle. “What brings you here?”

“Actually, I got lost trying to find my classroom thanks to my horrible sense of direction,” Emery nervously responds. “I ended up here and I was just wondering if you could help me find my way there?”

“I suppose I can take some time and show you the best ways to get to your classroom since it seems none of my other coworkers have been up to the task,” he replies, a scowl just visible on his face due to the fact that it seems no one is treating Emery very well already.

Thanks to Severus, Emery feels more confident going into his first day as the defense against the dark arts professor at Hogwarts. Severus meticulously showed him the best ways to get to and from his classroom, his personal living quarters, and other common areas around the castle.

Emery’s first-week teaching goes as well as he expected it to. He finds his classroom with ease each day but stumbles over introducing himself in front of every class. He tries to spit it out as quickly as possible and it ends up going a little like this to all of his classes: 

“Hello everyone! Welcome to defense against the dark arts! I am your professor Emery Knight. You will refer to me using he/him pronouns and you will call me Professor Knight. Now that that is out of the way, let’s begin with a little warm-up.”

Once the cringy introductions are over Emery is able to make a quick comeback and recover to deliver a very well-put-together first week of lessons. He is proud of his lessons for the week and the students seem to have received him very well. 

Severus keeps an eye on Emery, he isn’t ready to admit it, but he is growing quite fond of him. He’s heard some students' sly remarks about him in the hallways as he passes by and he takes points away from these numbskulls every time he hears something slightly rude concerning Emery uttered. 

A month passes by without incident much to Snape’s delight but he still spends a lot of his spare time parading throughout the halls, his long dark cloak dramatically fluttering in the wind behind him, his shoes making a tapping sound on the cobblestone floor with every step, wand at the ready making sure no one is giving Emery a hard time. 

Today as he rounds a corner he comes across a peculiar flyer on one of the walls. Extremely annoyed at the student's lack of respect for the castle walls, he rips it down and balls it up before tossing it in a garbage can. He continues on his way, until he sees yet another flyer, ripping it down he notices a smiling moving picture of someone on it that looks a bit familiar, and under it is a name - Amara Knight with some short paragraphs of text.

Raising an eyebrow he begins to read the text on the paper but quickly stops as he realizes what he is reading. Someone has created these flyers with a photo of Emery revealing his old name and complaining about the types of professors Hogwarts is hiring. Snape’s face contorts in rage as he mutters ‘incendio’ and the flyer bursts into flames.

Snape spends the next few hours, scouring every nook and cranny of the castle grounds, setting fire to each and every flyer, leaving their ashes scattered on the ground as a warning to whoever placed them there. With every flyer he finds, he can feel his body raising in temperature, his blood boiling, his teeth barred, his eyes narrowed, and his mouth as dry as a dessert. He has never experienced anger to such a great degree as he is now.

Saving the last flyer as proof, he brings it with him to dinner that night in the Great Hall. Taking his seat he looks around for Emery and he is not surprised that he is not present. He knows he must have seen the flyers and dare not make an appearance tonight.

Dumbledore rises to give the announcements and just as he is about to dismiss everyone to enjoy the meal, Snape rises.

“If you don’t mind, I have a few words I would like to share with the students.”

Dumbledore is quite taken about back Snape’s sudden desire to address the students, but he simply nods his head and takes his seat. Knowing it better to just let Snape say his few words and get on with the evening.

“I am sure many of you viewed these horrendous monstrosities at some point today,” Snape begins, holding out the flyer in front of him. “I will do everything in my power to track down whoever placed these around the school and they will be severely punished. We do not stand for this sort of nonsense idiotic act here at Hogwarts. If any student has any information, please see me or your head of house and you will be rewarded for speaking up.” At the end of his remarks, Snape lights the flyer on fire and exits the Great Hall dramatically. He has to check on Emery now - he must know he is okay.

Part 2 (Final Part)

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Kit Walker dating someone who's transmasc

A/N: I know Pride month is over, but this idea came to me in the middle of the night and I absolutely had to write it out. I'm transmasc myself, so I wrote this based on my personal experiences. Obviously, I don't speak for every transmasc individual, so if there's something you feel needs to be changed please let me know. I also wrote two sections to it, one set in the 60s and the other set in the present time. I hope I did this idea justice, it being my first time writing and all. Enjoy ❤

Warnings: slight mention of sex, being trans in the 60s, slight mention of transphobia, I curse at one point, uhhh I think that's it??

60s

-When you first met, he didn't know you were trans (you were eager to keep it a secret, it being the 60s and all)

-"Hi, I'm Kit Walka, what's your name?"

-Over time however, you saw how passionate he was about people being able to be who they are and love who they love without discrimination

-You were really nervous about coming out to him, and you were worried he wouldn't want to be friends with you anymore

-"Hey Kit, can I tell you something?"

-"Yeah, of course! What's on your mind?"

-"...I'm trans."

-He immediately gave you a big hug and told you he'd support and accept you no matter what

-He probably also asked you out at the same time

-"So...wanna go on a date?"

-You would have to keep your relationship a secret, especially if you weren't out yet

-Kit would probably be upset by the fact he couldn't kiss you openly in public, but you would remind him it'd be better not to, for both of your safety

-Posing as "roommates" so people wouldn't get suspicious

-Which means you also have a job somewhere

-Maybe you even work together at the garage, stealing kisses in between refilling people's gas where they won't see

-(You've probably done it on the desk before, or maybe even one of the cars, I'm not gonna lie 👀)

-Going somewhere discreet, maybe even driving out of state, just so you two could get married when it finally got legalized

-Thomas being the ring bearer and Julia being the flower girl at your wedding

-Lana also attending, probably as Kit's best man (or woman)

-Always wearing your wedding rings when you're alone

-Helping him take care of the farm and raising the kids together

-History will say you two were "just friends", unmarried bachelors who lived together all your life...but you both knew that wasn't the case

Present time

-Things would be a bit different if you met in the present time

-Meaning you probably told him you were trans one of the first times you met because of how open he is about being an ally

-(I personally see him as pansexual like myself, so do with that what you will)

-It would also mean you guys wouldn't have to keep your relationship a secret from the outside world, and you could hold hands in public and kiss and such

-I feel like Kit definitely does his best to be a good ally, even if he's not trans himself

-He made sure to do his research as soon as you came out in order to make you feel as comfortable as possible with him

-He asks you questions when he doesn't understand something, and always makes sure to stress that he doesn't mean to be rude or offensive when asking

-I also feel like he'd just have a lot of gay stuff??

-I know that probably sounds really weird, but I feel like anytime the two of you go shopping and he sees something that has the colors of the trans flag he just automatically puts it in the cart

-And during Pride month, when practically everything in the stores are covered with rainbow? He's a menace

-"Kit, babe, we don't need anymore candles, okay? We already have, like, fifty of the exact same one at home"

-"I know, but I'm trying to be a good ally! Also, it smells like watermelon"

-So basically he's all 😋👍 and you're all 🤨😑🙄

-Always makes sure people use your correct pronouns

-"And so I said to her-"

-"They use they/them pronouns, actually"

-He would probably start using they/them pronouns as well as he/him because he understands the importance of normalizing people using them and even though he's not nonbinary he'll help in whatever way he can

-Just imagine he/they Kit though-I think I'm in love 😍

-I could totally imagine him getting super upset if you were somehow discriminated against at your workplace

-And if he was there to see it when it happened? Oh boy

-He'd probably get thrown out for decking somebody in the face, I'm not even gonna lie

-Just hope it isn't your boss, or you'll have to be finding a new job

-"Kit, you really shouldn't have done that. That guy was my boss, and I'll probably end up getting fired"

-"Hey, don't blame me suga. He was the one who started it. He should have been respectful towards you"

-"I know, but that's kind of not the point"

-You help him raise Thomas and Julia to be open minded and accepting of all people

-He does his best to help on days when your dysphoria hits you like a motherfucking train

-He'll wrap you in a blanket burrito and binge watch your favorite show with you

-If you own a binder, he'll randomly check up on you to make sure you haven't been wearing it for too long

-"Suga, how long have you been wearing your binder for?"

-"Only a couple of hours"

-"Really? Because I saw you put it on this morning and that was at least 7 hours ago"

-"..."

-"I'll go change"

-If you plan on getting top surgery, he'll start saving up, and even if you say he doesn't have to, he'll insist because he "wants his darlin' to feel the most comfortable with themself as possible"

-Above all though, he'd love you unconditionally and would do whatever it would take to make you happy

Um, where can I get me a Kit please? He's so sweet it makes me wanna cry

[nerdygaymormon]

Hi, uncle David! No pressure to answer this one if you don’t want to—I just think it might be helpful to me and others who are trying to feel comfortable in our identities as queer people and children of God.

Lately I’ve felt deeply ashamed of myself because I worry I’m not as accepting or open minded of a person as I thought I was. I’m genderfluid and queer in other ways, all my friends are queer, and I love other queer people; I feel a bond with them. We understand each other in many ways. I guess that’s why we’re called a community.

But lately, I’ve noticed I still have a lot of internalized homophobia and transphobia that I thought I had worked through. Much of this homophobia and transphobia is due to my upbringing in the church and the fact that I am a devoted believer in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

I catch myself thinking things I’m ashamed to think. Thinking that God really does disapprove of who I am. Thinking that maybe I’m willingly defying Him and just “convincing myself” that this is who I really am. I find myself worrying that I don’t truly believe that God loves or approves of queer people (or their actions) like I tell myself I do, despite the fact that I AM queer.

I guess what I’m saying is: factually, I believe that LGBTQ+ people are valid and that we should be able to live authentically. Science has shown us that being trans, gay, etc. is completely natural and that people all throughout history were also queer. I know for a fact that queer people are real and they deserve happiness and healthy lives. (i.e. I don’t think gay people should have to live a life without romance/marriage). But I have been raised with ideologies that have been drilled into me so deeply that now, despite all the facts I know (science-wise and from experience), I still have these internal biases. I still catch myself thinking that “acting on” being gay/trans is a sin even though I don’t think it should be considered one because we know that repressing queerness is very harmful to queer people’s mental health.

I was wondering: have you ever experienced something similar? And if so, how did you overcome it?

All my love <3

I grew up in an oppressive environment, US society was decidedly anti-gay, as was the church that I attended. I heard many messages that gay is bad and I took those messages in, over and over and over.

I grew up believing gay as a bad thing and wanting desperately to change my sexual orientation.

The first step is to understand what internalized homophobia is, that it's something you experience, and be willing to work on this.

Another step is to identify ways that internalized homophobia affects you. You already listed some things, but here's some other ways it may affect you. Such as wishing you didn't have these attractions, trying to make them go away, feeling like your attractions are a defect, trying to make yourself feel attracted to people of the opposite sex, avoiding other queer people.

One of the best ways to work on overcoming internalized homophobia is to spend time with other queer people. I've used Meetup.com to find groups of gay people going to the movie, to an artwalk, and different sorts of activities. I feel so normal after spending time with other queer people.

Do some things to build your self-esteem and that pushes away the shame. I made a list of my good qualities, I also got a new wardrobe, buying things I wouldn't have allowed myself to consider before. Some people leave themselves positive notes. Another idea is to get facials or massages to help you feel good in your body.

One thing my therapist kept suggesting is to eliminate sources of homophobia in my life. I have found that a hard thing to do. I got myself job at a university which is queer friendly. I can be as out as I want to be.

While I eliminated some people from my life, I didn't push away my parents, and church also is still source of anti-gay influence.

I try to limit the bad influence by drawing boundaries on some of the things I'm willing to discuss with my parents, and avoiding classes or talks at church if I know they'll be discussing queer topics. Also, there's supportive people at church, find them and hang out with them.

Another important thing I do is I replace negative messages with positive ones. If I'm brave enough to speak up in Sunday School, then that's one way. If I'm not brave enough, I at least will whisper a positive message to myself to replace the negative one I heard.

When someone makes a joke at the expense of gay people, I point out that I don't appreciate it. I'm happy with jokes, but not ones that demean gay people.

And finally, one of the most important things I did was meet with a therapist.

You already have made a great start, understanding that queer people have always existed, are entitled to rights, that being queer is a normal, natural thing. Your brain is in the right place and your heart needs to catch up.

I hope you'll find some of these suggestions useful as you move forward.

[all-chickens-are-trans]

CN: mentions of misgendering, transphobia, classism

so if we assume that both harry hart and eggsy unwin are trans men (which they are, i've decided), then the first thing that comes to mind for me is the question of transitioning, 'passing', and access to trans healthcare.

now, harry is born into all the wealth and privilege he needs to take whatever transition steps he wants and needs. I don't know the exact state of trans health care in the UK (other than that it's getting worse and worse), but I think it's safe to assume that, even if Harry came out years or even decades ago, he could have easily gotten access to all kinds of medical transition that were available at the time. now, i'm not usually one to center trans experience around medical transitioning - i think it's reductive, throws a lot of trans people under the bus who can't or don't want to transition medically for various reasons, etc. But in this case? I think it matters. Because none of the money and status harry has can free him of the burden of growing up and living in an inherently conservative, definitely sexist and most likely queerphobic environment. now, when you're wealthy and ~~different in any way, you probably mostly have two options: become eccentric (like dandies or similar rich people subcultures) or try to blend in. and because blending in is vital to Harry both for being a gentleman and a Kingsman, 'passing' and eventually going stealth is compulsory. which is why i assume not many people even know that Harry isn't a cis man. Any queerness observed from him by his fellow wealthy, aristocratic peers, is quietly assumed to be homosexuality (which is also true for Harry), and therefore not discussed.

for eggsy, it's quite a different matter. if trans healthcare in the UK is as bad as I think it is, it's very likely that Eggsy doesn't have proper access to any of it, maybe not even hrt. (uk folks, can anyone tell me if hrt is covered by insurance in the uk?) 'passing' is a privilege, and eggsy can't afford it. i think, compared to harry, eggsy had his trans awakening pretty early in life, but while harry was able to act on his as soon as he realized, eggsy probably didn't do much about it for quite some time. sure, he changed up his wardrobe, maybe his hair, maybe eventually he told a few people about his switch to he/him pronouns. but i think in general, he just lived with the fact that people in public would misgender him, and tried to shrug it off as best as he could. (I think he eventually left the military because he couldn't bear the misgendering and the inherent sexism and queerphobia of it anymore, but that's maybe for a different post.)

so, when Harry meets Eggsy, recognizes a fellow trans man in him and tries to sell to him the idea of becoming a Kingsman - do you think one of his selling points would be access to medical transition? It might be, especially because Harry probably assumes that that's what every trans person would naturally want - to blend in. but eggsy's becoming part of Kingsman is a lot about navigating his identity, and about questioning which parts to keep and which new things to take on, and it all comes down to, 'there are things from the past worth holding onto, even though others might see them as a flaw'. so, yeah. maybe Eggsy really has to consider that offer. he has lived for so long without any of that, that he hasn't even given it much thought what he would want if he could do anything. no matter what he ends up deciding, I don't think being stealth is ever completely a goal of his. he's better than all of those rich old guys BECAUSE he's working class and trans, not despite of it. he isn't ashamed of that.

and more than anything, I want harry to see that, and to learn something from it. i want him to see that he doesn't have to cover himself in shame, that he doesn't have to make up for anything. he's not a gentleman because others treat him as such, he is one because he strives to be a better man than he was yesterday, and that's all that matters.

[thatonerandomfan4]

Rockwell’s History [READ WARNINGS]

----------------------------------------------

Fandom: Madness Combat

Characters: Dr. Crackpot, Dr. Hofnarr, Dr. Jebediah Christoff, Phobos, Hank, Sanford, Deimos, 2BDamned, Jebus, Tricky, Rockwell (My OC), Rockwell’s Parents

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Death, Gore, Attacking, Detailed Gore Scenes, Cursing, Transphobia, Crying, Injuries, Very Sensitive Topics, Angst, Heavy Angst, Long Story

Summary: Talking About Rockwell’s Backstory And How He Became Part Of The Madcom Group.

Word Count: 2,681

Notes: Rockwell Is Trans. His Original Name Was Roxannie (Pronounced As Roxanne) Roxannie Will Be In The First Half Of The Fic Until She Makes The Transition.

If You Feel Very Uncomfortable/Dislike The Topics That Are Going To Be In This Fic, Please Leave The Fic Now So You Don’t Have To Experience It And Triggers You. 

Also, If You Dislike Fics That Involves Peoples Made Up Characters (OCs), Then You Are Welcome To Leave The Fic. 

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Roxannie Woke Up To Her Alarm Clock And Quickly Got Dressed, Heading Downstairs To Get Breakfast. Her Mother Greeted Her With A “Good Morning” And A Warm Smile. Roxannie Sat At The Table, Greeting Her Father. She Took One Bite Of Her Cereal Until The Table Was Knocked Over. With A Frightened Look, She Looked At Her Father And Screamed. His Head Was Chopped Clean Off With His Chest Wide Open, Revealing That His Internal Organs Were Tampered With. She Was About To Cry Until She Heard Her Mother Scream. 

Instead Of Staying At The Table, She Ran To The Room Her Mother Was In. As Soon As Roxannie Stepped Foot In The Living Room, She Was Met With A Horrifying Sight.Her Mother Was Brutally Cut In Half With Her Face Missing From Her Head. The Top Half Of Her Body Hung From The Ceiling By A Sword Which Impaled Her. The Bottom Half Of Her Body Was On The Floor, In A Pile With Her Internal Organs. Annie Almost Gagged At The Sight, Until She Saw The Man Who Had Caused Her Parent’s Deaths. A Tall Dark Figure With Red Eyes Approached Her With A Hammer. It Grabbed Her Firmly By The Neck And Bashed Her Head Twice, Revealing Her Brain. 

It Left Her On The Ground Struggling To Stay Alive, Leaving Only A Tablet Behind. Rox Used It To Contact For Help, But Could Barely Stay Conscious Due To Her Brain Being Exposed. Luckily, There Was A Fast Response. The Mysterious Person Was Immediately Able To Track Her Location And Tell Her To Stay Where She Is. She Agreed And Just Laid In Front Of The Tablet, Trying Not To Lose Consciousness. About 45 Minutes Had Passed So Far, And She Was Starting To Feel Her Eyelids Get Heavy.

A Man Rushed In And Immediately Injected Her With Some Type Of Medicine. She Immediately Struggled To Stand Up, Before Being Forced To Sit Down. Her Head Was Bandaged Properly Before She Was Helped Up. She Didn’t Even Get A Chance To Thank The Strange Man Because He Immediately Rushed Her Out Of The House And Into His Vehicle. The Whole Car Ride Was Quiet Except For Roxannie’s Cries, Mourning The Death Of Her Parents. 

She Couldn’t Even Form Sentences Or Explain To The Man That Saved Her What Happened Because Of How Upset She Was. He Felt Bad For Her, Trying To Give Her Anything She Could Keep Her Mind Busy With Until They Got To The Place. She Didn’t Really Want Anything Though, Other Than To Let Out What She Was Experiencing Now. Once They Arrived To Their Destination, She Was Immediately Brought Into A Lab Where A Bunch Of Scientists Were Working. The Man Led Her Into A Room Where A Small Chubby Man Chatted With A Tall, Stern Looking Guy.

Dr. ??: “Hofnarr, Christoff. I Uh….Got The Child.”

The Two Men Looked Over And Immediately Rushed To Roxannie. They Hugged Her And Did Their Best To Comfort Her In Any Way Possible In That Moment.

Dr. Christoff: “Thank You, Crackpot. We’ll Let You Know If We Need Anything Else.”

Crackpot Nodded And Left The Room, Leaving The 3 Alone As Christoff Shut The Door. Hofnarr Tried To Calm Her Down And Talk With Her. It Was Very Hard To Understand The Girl Through Her Crying And Incoherent Words, Even For Him. Hofnarr Just Held Her Close And Consulted Her, Doing His Best To Calm Her Down. Christoff Sat Down Next To The Two And Offered Rox With A Glass Of Water. She Took The Water And Drank Half Of The Glass, Keeping The Drink In Her Hand While The Two Older Men Did Their Best To Help Her Relax.

Once She Was Calm Enough, They Finally Got Her To Explain What Had Happened. She Told Them Every Detail From This Morning, Keeping It Short And Sweet At The End. Hofnarr And Christoff Frowned, Hugging And Comforting Her Again. It Was Very Hard For Someone To Go Through All That Trauma, Especially For Someone At Her Age. Hell, The Kid Was Only 14. She Barely Knew How To Even React Or See Something Like That. She Needed A Lot Of Therapy To Get Past That Traumatic Event.

Hofnarr: “Hey Christoff. Do You Think Phobos Will Let Us Keep Her Here With Us?”

Christoff: “Maybe, With A Lot Of Bribing.”

Roxannie: “F-Forgive Me For I-Interrputing Your C-Conversation...But Wh-Who’s Ph-Phobos?”

Hofnarr: “Oh! Don’t Worry, You Aren’t Interrupting Anything. And Phobos Is Our Boss. We Need All Permission From Him To Do Anything Around Here.”

Christoff: “Kinda Sucky, But We’re Even Lucky If He’s In A Good Enough Mood To Pay Us.”

They Chat For A Bit Before Heading To Phobos’ Office, Staying Together The Whole Trip. Once They Reached Their Destination, They All Greeted Phobos Before Saying Anything About Roxannie. Phobos Obviously Had To Ask First And The Two Scientists Explained The Whole Situation. Phobos Took A Minute To Think Before Accepting Their Request To Allow Her To Stay. Ending It With “I Don’t Care How, But As Long As She’s Not A Big Distraction To You Two And Works With What She Can.” Of Course They All Had To Agree To That.

They All Headed Out The Door And Back To The Breakroom. Hofnarr Figured She Was Still Hungry And Offered To Make Her A Snack And A Drink. Christoff Just Offered Her To Stay With Them So She Has A Place To Sleep And Stay Instead Of The Lab. Rox Agreed To Both And Walked With The Two Men. On The Way Back To The Lab, Hofnarr Was Smiling, Gently Gripping Onto Rox’s Hand. Christoff Took Notice Of This And Chuckled. He Watched His Husband For A While. It Was Only Now When He Asked About His Sudden Cheery Mood.

Christoff: “What’s Got You All Giddy, Hoffy?”

Hofnarr: “We Have A Child Of Our Own Christoff! Aren’t You Excited To Be A Parent?”

Christoff Just Smiled As Hofnarr Went On About The Wonders Of Raising A Child Of Their Own. He Goes On Fantasies About Vacation, Family Outings, Family Dinners And Other Things. Roxannie Gripped Her New Parent’s Hands Gently, Smiling Softly. She Was Going To Start A New Family And These Were Her New Parents. She Didn’t Mind That, She Loved Supporting People Who Were In Relationships With The Same Gender.

---------------------------------------------

A Few Years Later…

---------------------------------------------

Hofnarr: “Rox, You Ready?”

Roxannie: “Yeah I’m Coming!”

She Placed Her Bandana On And Adjusted It To Be Over Her Bandages, Flattening Out Her Lab Coat. She Turned The Light Off In The Bathroom And Headed Downstairs To The Door, Greeting Her Two Dads As They Hugged Her. They Headed Towards The Lab While Hofnarr Was Going On About How Lucky They Were To Be A Family. Christoff Occasionally Threw In A Few Things, Chuckling At Hofnarr’s Responses.

Once They Got To The Labs, Everything Seemed Normal Except For A Few Stressed Out Scientists. The Shaking Scientists Greeted The 3 And Gave Them Information To Keep Safe. Hofnarr Took Roxannie With Him As He Usually Does For The Morning. Christoff Set Out To His Office, Looking Around At The Messed Up Experiments. He Scoffed At The Thought Of Phobos Actually Trying To Be Successful With This….Project. Christoff And Hofnarr Agreed That This Whole “Project Nexus” Thingy Would Not Be On For Long. Someone Would Definitely Stop Him, Even If It Had To Be One Of Them. 

Not Even A Minute Later, Hofnarr Had A Worried Look On His Face As The Sound Of Gunshots Could Be Heard From The Other Lab. Rox Stayed Close To Hofnarr Just In Case Anything Happened. They Kept Hearing Gunshots From The Other Lab, Not Knowing What On Earth Was Going Down. Hofnarr Was Upset, What Was Happening To His Husband? Was He Ok? Was He Hurt? He Held Onto Rox As He Tried Not To Cry About The Thoughts That Were Running Through His Mind.

Hofnarr: “I Hope Christoff Is Ok. I Don’t Want To Lose Him Like We Almost Lost You.”

Roxannie: “I-I’m Sure He’ll Be Ok, Dad. And Hey, If I’m Still Here, He’ll Still Be Here.” *She Hugged Him Close. Hofnarr Gave Her A Soft Yet Sad Smile.*

Hofnarr: “I Sure Hope So.”

They Waited About 30 Minutes To Half An Hour Until Someone Entered The Room. As The Two Turned Around, Hofnarr Rushed To Hug The Man. It Was Christoff, And Thankfully He Wasn’t Injured That Badly As He Though. Christoff Went Over To Rox And Hugged Her, Handing Her A Gun As He Also Gave Hofnarr A Gun. He Wanted To Keep His Family Safe While This Whole Messed Up Thing Was Happening.

Hofnarr: “You’ve Made Quite A Mess Christoff.”

Christoff: “They’ve Gone Too Far. If We Don’t Stop This Now...”

A Few Agents Entered The Room, And Christoff Killed Them With The Help Of His Husband And Daughter. Hofnarr Sweated And Gulped, Keeping Roxannie Close To Him.

Hofnarr: “I See We Have No Other Choice…”

They Murdered The Agents Who Kept Coming And Headed Out. Hofnarr Unlocked All The Control Panels As The Continued Through The Lab, Killing Any Agents, Zombies Or Any Failed Experiments. It Took A While Until They Got The Whole Place Cleared But They Were Able To Do It Without Much Harm Going To Them. They Got To The Last Room With The Control Panel And Hofnarr Started Getting Worried. He Looked At Christoff While They Got Rid Of The Last Few Agents With Rox Guarding The Door.

Hofnarr: “Ya Know Phobos Will Finish Us For This.”

Christoff Looked At Hofnarr After Shooting The Last Agent, Ending The Life Of The Betrayer.

Christoff: “Phobos Better Watch His Back..”

Hofnarr Unlocked The Last Control Panel And Looked Around The Room. He Started Heading Out After Christoff And Roxannie, Staying Close To Them While They Walked. Eventually Hofnarr Took The Lead Of The Group To Make Sure That The Other Two Were Safe. He Opened The Door Outside For Them Both, And Closed It After They Were Far Ahead Of Hofnarr. He Followed Them And Took The Lead After A Few Minutes. He Then Looked At Christoff As They Approached Phobos’ Tower.

Hofnarr: “Everything Depends On You Now.” *He Used His Key Card To Unlock The Door And Let Christoff In, Keeping Roxannie Back* “Good Luck, Old Friend..”

They Watched Christoff Walk Into The Tower, And Headed Back To The Lab. Hofnarr Kept His Daughter Close To Him, Trying To Keep Her From Breaking Down Like How She Was When They First Met. They Knew Christoff Was Only Doing This For Their Own Good, And To Stop This Whole Thing From Ruining Nevada Even More. They Walked Into The Lab And Immediately Went To The Breakroom, Setting Their Weapons Down By The Table When They Got There.

They Got Some Food And Drinks While They Chatted, Sitting Down So They Wouldn’t Fall If One Was Upset Or Panicked. They Chatted About Christoff And How….Cold He Looked When He Walked Into Hofnarr’s Lab. Rox Was Scared By His Look, As It Was Her First Time Seeing Him Like That. Hofnarr Had Already Known This Look So He Was Pretty Used To It. 

They Kept The Conversation Going By Talking About Other Stuff Like Work, Family Life, Dinners, And Especially That One Dinner Night. That Was The First Time Rox Had Seen Hofnarr Angry, And Not A Playful Or Slightly Irritated Angry. It Wasn’t His Fault They Were Banned From That Restaurant Though. The Boy Walked Up To Rox And Went “Tsk. You Wanna Be Trans? That’s Gross. You’re A Girl And You Will Always Be A Girl.” Hofnarr Was Just Defending His Daughter...By Attacking The Boy With A Chair.

They Were At The Lab For About An Hour To An Hour And A Half Just Chatting And Wandering Around. After A Bit, They Headed Outside And Met Up With Christoff Again.The Only Difference About Him Was That He Was Wearing The Key Fragment On His Head. Jeb Greeted The Two And Lead Them Back Inside The Lab. This Was Going To Be A Strange Experience For All Of Them.

-------------------------------------------

A Few More Long Years Later…

-------------------------------------------

Sanford And Deimos Turn The Corner, Shooting The Agents That Tried Approaching Them. The Two Headed Into The Room And Killed All The Agents In Sight. Then They Saw Her….Roxannie On The Floor Unconscious. They Both Inspected Her Body And Picked Her Up, Keeping Her With Them. They Finished With Their Mission And Brought Her Back To Base. The Brought Her To Hank And 2B Where They Inspected Her Body. 

After She Woke Up, She Made A Request To The Doctor. She Wanted To Be A Man. The Doctor Hesitated Before Agreeing, Putting Her Under Anesthesia. He Waited A Few Minutes Before Finally Getting To Work. He Wrapped Him Up And Successfully Did Both Top And Bottom Surgery. Doc Finished With Replacing The Bandage On His Head, Cleaning The Wound Before Putting Anything On There. 

After That, Doc Gave Rockwell Medicine To Help With The Pain. He Helped Rocky Walk And Get Used To Using The Bathroom. After That, Doc Gave Rockwell Some Clothes To Wear: A White Shirt With Ripped Sleeves, A Black Vest. A Belt To Go Over His Chest, Black Pants And Another Belt To Keep Them Up, Black Boots, Goggles With One Side Red And The Other Black And A Gas Mask. He Also Put His Hair Into A PonyTail.

Rockwell Put Everything On And Headed Outside, Ordered By Hank, To Fight The Clown. Rocky Took A Look At The Clown And…….Wait….That Lab Coat Looks So Familiar…..Was It..No It Couldn’t Be….HOFNARR?! But..He Looked Way Different Than Before.

Tricky: “WHO ARE YOU?! NEVERMIND THAT- CLOWN KILLS YOU!!”

Rockwell: “No Wait-!”

Tricky Whacked Rocky Pretty Hard In The Face, His Gas Mask Had To Be Removed. After Rockwell Removed His Goggles, Tricky Gasped And Dropped His Stop Sign..He Looked Like He Wanted To Cry.

Tricky: “Ro-Roxannie…?”

Rockwell, Holding His Jaw In Place: “It’th Rockwell Now, D-Dad.”

Tricky Immediately Hugged His Child, Healing His Jaw And Forming A Metal Plate Over The Injury. Rockwell Hugged Tricky Back, Both Squeezing The Shit Out Of Each Other. Tricky Kept His Son Close, Until They Heard Footsteps Approach From Behind Rockwell. It Was Jeb….Well...Christoff But He Didn’t Look That Different. 

Jebus: “Tricky, What Are You Doing?! He’s On Hank’s Side!” *He Took Out His Binary Sword, And Swung It Up*

Tricky Backed Away And Ran To Jeb, Trying To Stop Him.

Tricky: “JEB NO HURT HIM!! GUY IS-”

It Was Too Late. Jeb Swung And Cut Rockwell Almost In Half.

Tricky: “Roxannie-”

Jeb Looked Frightened. Oh God, What Had He Done? He Removed His Sword And Watched Rockwell’s Limp Body Fall To The Ground. The Savior Broke Out In Tears. He Just Murdered His Own Child, Or He Thought He Did. He Was Relieved When He Heard Rockwell. He Was Still Alive! How? That Didn’t Matter, He Was Just Happy His Son Was Alive Still.

Jeb Rushed Over To Rockwell And Healed Him, Summoning Bandages And Wrapping Him Up. He Was Still Crying From What He Had Done. Tricky Joined Them Both, Starting A Group Hug With All Of Them As They Reunited. Sanford, Deimos, Hank And 2B Rushed Out As Tricky Helped Rockwell Up And Jeb Healed Him Again.

Sanford: “Oh Cool, So I Guess We Can Call A Truce.”

Deimos And 2B Agreed, Hank Didn’t. Wimbleton Didn’t Like The Idea Of Living With His Enemies, Especially If They Act Nice And Turn On Them In The End. Hank Disagreed And Left To Blow Off Some Steam, It Was Gonna Take A Long While To Convince Him. Sanford And Deimos Ended Up Adopting Rockwell While Tricky And Jeb Readopted Him. Rockwell Now Lives With The Crew, With Having 4 Parents Who Support And Care About Him, 2B Who Takes Care Of His Wounds And Trans Stuff, And Hank...

[jebazzled]

SOOO the Drama: Making it Work with Tragic Backstories

Hi everyone, how are we doing? It’s been a while since my last unsolicited tutorial. Is everyone eating well? Is everyone drinking water? Dressing warmly if it’s cold wherever you live? 

Today we’ll be talking about tragic backstories, and how to use them rather than abuse them. 

This tutorial will mention a number of triggers, though not with great detail - more in the interest of providing context. 

Specific triggers mentioned: abandonment, verbal abuse, child neglect, car accident, transphobia, animal death, cheating, bullying, parental death

In the rp community we often joke about loving to put our characters through hell - about really running them ragged - making ourselves weepy. For a lot of us, writing Heavy Emotional Content is a lot more fun than fluff, or characters who are happy, fulfilled, and well-adjusted. I’m literally planning to kill off one of my characters in the next couple of weeks. I get it. 

But there’s also a fair amount of discourse in the rp community about what is pejoratively called “trauma porn.” It’s discourse that is warranted! Because while we love fictional drama, the truth is that sometimes...

well, sometimes it can be too much, can’t it? 

Here’s the thing about trauma: a tragic backstory does not a well-developed character make. Too often, too many of us lean on these traumatic histories as a crutch towards building a character, without meaningfully exploring that trauma with any depth. The truth is, in fiction, tragedy only builds character when when you do. And tragedy is far from the only way to create a nuanced character. 

In this tutorial, we will examine common approaches to character backstories, alternatives to tragedy-as-a-default, and figure out how to have your cake (the feels) and eat it too (with purpose.)

BUILD-A-BACKSTORY

In my experience, the most common approach to writing a freestyle application is writing a chronological history (you can read my app guides, including thots on alternative styles of freestyle, here). Ain’t nothing wrong with that! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! 

It’s an approach that makes sense, as it forces you to fill in the blanks to answer the question: why is my character Like That? And often, as writers, our first instinct is to provide the saddest answer possible.

“Why is Susie so clingy?” 

Her parents abandoned her at a fire station when she was an infant, and rather than being raised in foster care, she grew up at the fire station. But the entire company that raised her died while fighting a wildfire, and she is certain that any time anyone walks away from her, they will never come back. 

“Why is Brent such a misogynist?” 

His mother never wanted him and told him so every day of his youth. When he hit puberty, she stopped speaking to him entirely, and the day he turned eighteen, she changed the locks while he was at school. 

“Why is Lichen such a high-achieving go-getter?” 

Lichen was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning they break their legs, and every afternoon they break their arms. At night, they lie awake in agony until their heart attacks put them to sleep.

Feels like a lot, doesn’t it? I may have done a little exaggeration, but - not a lot, frankly. 

Especially if other characters on a site are loaded with tragic histories, it can be hard not to equate a certificate from the school of hard knocks with a Pulitzer. You want something juicy to write about, yes? And this is all so juicy! 

But here’s the rub: often, these histories will never come up again outside of an application, or will not be practically dev’d out beyond shock value. Susie will never be reminded of Frank, the fireman who taught her to ride a bike. Brent will focus his sexist comments on objectifying women’s bodies rather than degrading their personalities and motives, which were the issues with his mother. Someone who didn’t read Lichen’s app would have no clue that they have had a total horror show of a life. 

If you are writing a tragic backstory that doesn’t have a continual impact on your character, you are writing trauma porn, and it is doing nothing for your character. 

This doesn’t mean that your characters should be fully and constantly occupied with memories of their trauma - in fact, constant introspection is an easy way to stall threads (per my “why aren’t people writing with me?” guide here) - but it does mean that if your answer to the question, “why is my character Like That” is a compelling one, it is one that a reader should be able to answer even if they haven’t read your app, if they’ve read a few of your threads or other writing. 

This is a careful balance, of course, but think of your characters the way you think of yourself! For example: probably the most Potentially Dramatic thing about my personal life is that my older sister is developmentally disabled, and I am one of her legal guardians. When my parents die, I will inherit my older sister, and will uproot my life from wherever I am living at the time to move back to my hometown and make sure she is taken care of and happy. This is not something that I constantly think about, but it is difficult to know me for any meaningful length of time and not be aware that I have a developmentally disabled sister, as I mention her in passing, think about her when her favorite music comes up on Spotify, and tell people to donate to her favorite charity, Special Olympics. 

If I were writing an app of myself as a character and spent a good portion of the app untangling my relationship with my sister, and then never mentioned her in any of my thread posts, then is she really important to my character? Or was I flexing her for depth?

Do you see what I am getting at here? If it matters, it will come up more than once. If it only comes up once, and it’s in your app, you should think of something to explain your character’s personality and motivations that is perhas a little less loaded. 

BUT WITHOUT THE SADS, HOW DO?

The good news is: you absolutely do not need a tragic backstory to write a nuanced character! Again - think of your characters the way you think of yourself, or of other real people. While everyone has gone through heavy things in their lives from time to time, chances are that your life does not resemble that of a soap opera protagonist. And aren’t you a multifaceted person, full of depth and life? Aren’t you someone whose story is worth telling, even if it feels like your life is pretty ordinary? 

After all, it’s not the past that makes a character - it’s the present, their current voice, actions, and missteps. That is where you want the real juice to be, because that is the shit you’re writing! 

Some potential “everyday histories” for our above cast of characters:

“Why is Susie so clingy?”

In elementary and middle school, Susie was bullied on and off - a few weeks spent hanging out with the in-crowd, followed by a month as a social pariah. She could never understand why. When she moved to a different state for high school, she attached herself like a barnacle to the clique the Tulips, and has made it her goal not to let herself get shaken back to the outskirts this time. 

This isn’t as dramatic as Susie’s earlier backstory - in fact, it could apply to any number of people, being passed between friend groups for years on end. But again: your character doesn’t need a one-of-a-kind daytime talk show-worthy backstory to have a unique and compelling history and voice! 

“Why is Brent such a misogynist?”

Brent’s mother never wanted children, and made it pretty clear to him throughout his youth. His father, though, as always there for him - including when his mother walked out and never came back, after cheating on Mr. Brent’s Dad for years. From then on, Brent and his dad only had each other - and their bitterness towards the woman who wronged them.

This still gives you some family drama - unloving mother, and some adultery - but having Brent be raised by someone who has their own beef with women eliminates the shock value of locking your son out merely for being a boy. Also, this take acknowledges misogyny as a learned behavior.

“Why is Lichen such a high-achieving go-getter?”

When their parents divorced, Lichen only came out to their mother as nonbinary, and presents a fully different persona when they are with their father. Being in the top 5% of their high school class and being a national champion Lincoln-Douglas debater is the only thing Lichen and (deadname) have in common. 

I acknowledge that Lichen’s previous story was a meme. The above story could be made much more intense (for example, if Lichen’s father were a member of the Westboro Baptist Church and then Lichen’s supportive mother dies in a freak accident and Lichen, unable to hide their true identity, is imprisoned in their father’s basement until they pretend to have seen the error of their ways and identify as cis again) but the above gives plenty to chew on! 

While drama and trauma can be satisfying to write, there is plenty of drama to be found in the everyday. Building a well-rounded character is much less about what happened to them and much more about what they are doing, thinking, and feeling now. 

That said, 

TIPS & TRICKS FOR WRITING TRAGIQUE CHARACTERS

Don’t go overboard. If it is not going to come up ever again after the app: leave it out. 

Impact is about the character, not the reader. If it was important enough to leave in the app, it should have an identifiable impact on your character. The main purpose cannot have been to shock the reader. 

It’s not meaningful JUST because it happened. If someone can follow your character’s story for any extended amount of time and not realize that, say, your character’s mother died in a boating accident, then it isn’t actually important that your character’s mother died in a boating accident, and you should let her live. 

If ALL of your characters have a heavily dramatic backstory, ALL of your heavily dramatic backstories lose their meaning. Dramatic backstories are fun but they should not be a constant: they will begin to feel cheap and lazy. 

Your character does not need to dwell on their tragic backstory! While a character should acknowledge their history, a character does not need to realize that their backstory is meant to be tragic. For example, Sally might have been raised by her Aunt Agatha after her parents disappeared in a hot air balloon when she was a baby. Rather than being sad about her missing parents, Sally might think of them as total strangers and of Agatha as her sole parental figure - and her sadness might be for Agatha, who does miss Mr. and Ms. Pumpernickel. 

And that’s literally all she wrote! I hope you find this helpful when you’re writing your characters - tragic or otherwise - and developing their plotlines. The world is not made of trauma and fluff alone, friends. Go forth and contain multitudes!

[religioused]

Church Flies First Class

PIE Day Sermon

by Gary Simpson

Hebrew Scriptures:

Numbers 21:4-9 (CEV)

The Israelites had to go around the territory of Edom, so when they left Mount Hor, they headed south toward the Red Sea. But along the way, the people became so impatient that they complained against God and said to Moses, "Did you bring us out of Egypt, just to let us die in the desert? There's no water out here, and we can't stand this awful food!"

6 Then the LORD sent poisonous snakes that bit and killed many of them. Some of the people went to Moses and admitted, "It was wrong of us to insult you and the LORD. Now please ask him to make these snakes go away." Moses prayed, and the LORD answered, "Make a snake out of bronze and place it on top of a pole. Anyone who gets bitten can look at the snake and won't die."

9 Moses obeyed the LORD. And all of those who looked at the bronze snake lived, even though they had been bitten by the poisonous snakes.

John 3:14-21 (CEV)

And the Son of Man must be lifted up, just as that metal snake was lifted up by Moses in the desert. Then everyone who has faith in the Son of Man will have eternal life.

For God So Loved the World God loved the people of this world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who has faith in him will have eternal life and never really die.

17 God did not send his Son into the world to condemn its people. He sent him to save them! No one who has faith in God's Son will be condemned. But everyone who doesn't have faith in him has already been condemned for not having faith in God's only Son.

19 The light has come into the world, and people who do evil things are judged guilty because they love the dark more than the light. People who do evil hate the light and won't come to the light, because it clearly shows what they have done. But everyone who lives by the truth will come to the light, because they want others to know that God is really the one doing what they do.

Reflection:

Our Lectionary readings include one of the best known and most quoted and loved passages of the Christian Scriptures, John 3:16. The King James Version resonates for me because I have heard it so often. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. I am not sure if John 3:16 is why the Gospel of St. John is loved so much. For "many people," John's Gospel is "the most precious book in the Bible." (1) Scholar William Barclay observes that John can be "read and loved without any commentary." (2)

John 10:17-18 needs to be considered as we reflect on John Chapter 3. "The Father loves me, because I give up my life, so that I might receive it back again. No one takes my life from me. I give it up willingly!" This means Jewish people are in no way responsible for Jesus' death, and you can tell that to people who dislike Jewish people because of Jesus' death.

To some people, John 3:16 is problematic because it sounds so bad - that Parent God would send the Son to die for humanity. Looking at this from a Trinitarian perspective might help. John O'Donnell sees the "death of Jesus as a Trinitarian event." (3) O'Donnell believes Jesus' death was "an event between God and God." (4) Both God, the Parent, and God, the Son suffer.(5) I think the idea of God and the Son suffering catches some people's attention. The cross "shatters our ideas about God." (6) We confront the theological problem that God suffers. "God literally takes suffering into" God's "own life." (7) Renowned Swiss Catholic theologian Hans Urs Von Balthasar notes that the division between God the Parent and God the Son at the cross "rends the heart of God." (8) The general sense from theologians who view salvation from a Trinitarian perspective is that God takes upon God the weight of human sin and mistakes. I think a takeaway from these Catholic theologians is this: "The Being of God cannot be separated from God's acts." (9) God's impressive acts of love are an integral part of God.

While I grew up with a sense that Jesus loved people, I was less certain if God loved people. This passage helps establish a very different sense of God. According to the passage, redemption and the saving of humanity started with God. "It was God who sent" the Son, because God loves humanity.(10) I believe that John 3:16 is a universalist text because it shows the breadth of God's love. According to the text, God's love is not limited to a nation, to good people, and to people who love God. God's love is so extensive that it includes the entire world.(11) God's love embraces people we like. People we either dislike or fear are surrounded by God's love, just as surrounded by love as we are. People from every class, occupation, ability, ethnicity, race, sexuality, and gender are included in God's love. John 3:16 includes people who do not think that they deserve to be treated with love and kindness.

John 3:16 might be the perfect passage for PIE Day. Whosoever is an inclusive term, so inclusive that one of the largest and most popular pioneering LGBT+ Christian website is named Whosoever. The website used to receive over 500 thousand visitors a year.(12) The commission Jesus gave the disciples in the Gospel of Matthew is to take the Gospel to the entire world.

In the Numbers narrative, people are bitten by poisonous snakes, and they become very sick. The people admit that they made a mistake, and they cry to Moses for help so Moses prays. God tells Moses to make a bronze snake and to put it on a pole. Anyone who is sick from a snake bite can look at the snake, and they are healed.

Sadly, in contemporary Canada, many people are bitten by the poisonous snake of internalized societal self-hate. Because of the hate, the violence, and discrimination they experience, they believe that they are deeply flawed, that something dreadful is wrong with them. And they come to believe that they do not deserve what other people have.

The Hebrew Scriptures reading contains a narrative that perplexes some Jewish people. God forbids graven images, and God turns around and commands Moses to make an image of a snake. All of the people are to look at the snake and they are healed.(13) There are times when the only way we can find healing and the ability to move on is to face our problems. PIE Day is a day when Affirming Ministries tell their stories about their Public, Intentional, and Explicit work for members of sexual and gender minority people. By telling our stories, we face the problems of homophobia and transphobia. As we face the problems, we are able to work to help reduce homophobia and transphobia so that queer and trans people feel more accepted and welcome in society and in our churches. When we name the groups of people churches and society marginalizes, we can address the problems and find healing.

Troy Perry founded the largely LGBT+ denomination, the Metropolitan Community Churches. Anita Bryant had a job promoting Florida orange juice. In 1977, Anita Bryant successfully campaigned for the repeal of legislation prohibiting discrimination against gay people. As a result of her public campaigns against gay rights, gay bars across North America replaced screwdrivers with an "Anita Bryant Cocktail" made from vodka and apple juice.(14)

Troy Perry was on a late-night plane flight. When they brought him breakfast, he noticed there was orange juice. Troy Perry asked what kind of orange juice it was. He asked if it was Florida orange juice. The Stewardess replied, "Well, it's Minute Maid." Troy said that he could not drink the orange juice because it contained Florida orange juice. He said, "I'm a homosexual," and "we are boycotting Florida orange juice because of what Anita Bryant is doing to us." He says people started eating about "90 miles an hour." (15) A few minutes later, a smiling male flight attendant approached Troy and said, "Reverend Perry would you come with us. We're going to move you up to first class." (16) Troy flew first class because he faced the problem.

How can we live out PIE Day? On PIE Day, we are reminded of our need to extend a Public, Intentional, and Explicit welcome to members of all gender and minority groups and to members of all other groups who historically face discrimination and exclusion. On PIE Day, I hear Troy Perry challenging our church to go first class.

Notes:

(1) William Barclay. The Daily Study Bible: The Gospel of John. Vol. 1. (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1956), ix.

(2) Barclay (1956), ix.

(3) John O'Donnell. The Mystery of the Triune God. (London: Sheed and Ward, 1988), 60.

(4) O'Donnell (1988), 62.

(5) O'Donnell (1988), 63.

(6) O'Donnell (1988), 63.-

(7) O'Donnell (1988), 63-64.

(8) O'Donnell (1988), 65.

(9) Dick Eugenio. Communion with God: the Trinitarian Soteriology of Thomas. F. Torrance. Ph.D. Thesis. (Manchester: Nazarene Theological College, 2001), 10.

(10) Barclay (1956), 128.

(11) Barclay (1956), 129.

(12) Candace Chellew-Hodge. “Rev. Candace Chellew-Hodge Profile.” LGBT Religious Archives. July, 2005, 21 February 2021. <https://lgbtqreligiousarchives.org/profiles/candace-chellew-hodge>.

(13) Barclay (1956), 124.

(14) "Anita Bryant." Wikipedia. 24 February 2021, 03 March 2021. <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anita_Bryant>.

(15)"Call Me Troy." Movie on Frameline YouTube. 2007, 03 March 2012. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RD0h7BNIJI>.

(16) "Call Me Troy." <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RD0h7BNIJI>.

[ladyautie]

get to know me more!

@funyasm​ tagged me and I’m bored after writing my chapter, so here it is!

✨ what do you prefer to be called name wise?

My name’s Sophie. My friends call me Spencou or Spence. We met on a Role-Playing game forum where I played a character named Spencer. We’re used to call each other by our characters’ names and nicknames, most of the time. My brother calls me Sis’.

✨ when is your birthday?

15th november 1993.

✨ where do you live?

Paris, France.

✨ three things you are doing right now?

I’m watching an episode of AT4W on youtube, scrolling on Tumblr and I’m drinking a coffee.

✨ four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

Definitely It and especially Eddie Kaspbrak and the ship Reddie. I’m kinda obsessed right now, writing fanfic, reading fanfic, daydreaming about it and all.

I just played the Last of Us 2 and I’m currently watching a let’s play from my favorite youtubers, Mari and Stacy from Geek Remix. I’ll probably read a few fics as well.

The tv show Barry (HBO) is a definite special interest for me. I’m probably going to watch it all once again real soon and I’m planning on writing a fanfic or two in the future. I’m dying for the third season to come.

Finally, I’m probably going to be super into The Umbrella Academy once again, when the second season will be released. I’m just really into Vanya, Klaus and Allison and I can’t wait to see more of them.

✨ how is the pandemic treating you?

None of the people I know have been contaminated, so I’m lucky about that. I’m not quarantined anymore, back to work, and the transition is not easy. 

I feel like I’m more openly autistic than I used to be and that I can’t stand the rest of the world for a long period of time. I’ve experienced multiple meltdowns and shutdowns and I have real difficulties to socialize with most people or to focus on my work.

I feel incredibly naked and vulnerable whenever I’m leaving my flat without my mask on, so I think that’s definitely something I’m gonna have to work on in the future.

Leaving Paris and meeting my folks for my mother’s wedding, I found myself surrounded by people who mostly didn’t care about the virus, kissing each other on the cheek in true french fashion to say hello, hugging, not wearing a mask, not respecting any kind of social distance. 

I was quickly overwhelmed by all of that, plus the noise, and I had to isolate myself in my parents’ car, sobbing hysterically and willing to suffer in a overheated car if it meant having a bit of peace.

There are definitely going to be long-term consequences. I can only hope that my physical health will remain okay, though.

✨ song you can’t stop listening right now?

Keep On by Sasha Sloan. I just really love the lyrics and the message.

✨ recommend a movie.

Whenever I have to think of a movie to recommend, Frank by Lenny Abrahamson is the first one that comes to my mind. This movie is an obsession for me since the first time I watched it and I often find myself watching it again and again. Despite its heavy subjects, it’s definitely a comfort movie for me.

Too often, movies featuring mentally ill characters will aim for the characters to “get better”, which doesn’t mean for them to find healthy ways to cope with their issues, but usually for them to look more “neurotypical-like”, if you know what I mean. Frank  doesn’t go that way at all. On the contrary, it pushes the viewer to empathize with the main characters and to understand their point of view, their way of being.

It’s so incredibly comforting to watch a movie featuring mental illness realistic and not romanticized and to have the movie say “you’re different and you have issues, but you’ll find your tribe someday and be able to find your own happiness, even if it’s unconventional by society’s standards”.

I don’t know, I just have so much feelings about this movie. Plus the music slaps, the humor is hilarious (kudos to the random French guy who can perfectly understand English but refuses to utter a single word if it’s not in French) and the actors are truly on point (I can only salute Domnhall Gleeson, among everyone else who is also worthy of praise, because he definitely managed to make me hate his character in a way I almost never hated a character before).

Watch it!

✨ how old are you?

I’m 26 years old.

✨ school, university, occupation, other?

I used to be a librarian, but I couldn’t find a stable job in this field, so I passed an entrance examination and I’m now working in the tax administration. Yeah, not really glamorous, but it pays the bills and I’m accommodated for my disability, so it helps. 

✨ do you prefer hot or cold?

Definitely cold. When I was a kid, I used to swim in mountain lakes, at temperatures close to 13° celsius, and I still take my showers mostly cold. I can’t stand heat, I get headaches very easily when it’s sunny and I’m getting confused easily whenever it’s too hot. I recently had a nosebleed at work so intense that I found myself spitting blood (it went better once I got a fan, making the temperature bearable).

✨ name one fact others may not know about you.

I used to be allergic to my own sweat when I was around 18, until my early twenties. Whenever I was doing a mild physical effort or getting stressed out, I would get hives and itchy skin rash all over my whole freaking body, which was so exhausting that I would fall asleep immediately as soon as the rash was gone. 

It disappeared as suddenly as it appeared, without me ever doing something about it. I still don’t know why I experienced that and if I’m going to experience that ever again. I hope not.

✨ are you shy?

My autism makes social interactions complicated, but I’d say I’m mostly impaired by my social anxiety and the various traumas I’m dealing with daily.

Traumas I got after having been bullied pretty badly by kids and teachers during my school years, my stepfather being borderline abusive and different traumatic experiences, including my childhood crush dying from a ski accident when I was 15 or so (and me never being able to tell him that I loved him) and people betraying me so many times that I can’t even recall every little thing.

As a result, I find myself doubting constantly that I’m worthy of love, affection and respect and I often wonder when I’ll do or say the “wrong” thing that will cause me to lose everyone I care about. I also have a hard time knowing who I am and, as a result, allowing everyone to know who I am as well. 

I often don’t know what to say and will find myself keeping my mouth shut, even on topics I’m knowledgeable about, because I’m scared of people shutting me down, among other things. My friends make it easier for me to talk about things I like and all, but I’m still heavily doubting myself.

I try to challenge myself regularly. I’ll force myself to take part in events that are taxing or that are forcing me to perform in front of people. That’s how I found myself taking part in the casting part of the french equivalent of “American Idol” (I merely met the pre-judges, but I did manage to sing my whole song in front of them). I needed to prove to myself that I could do it.

✨ do you have any preferred pronouns?

I’m using she/her, but I don’t mind people using they/them to talk about me if they don’t want to be gender-specific.

✨ any pet peeves?

I hate how people can freely and openly be homophobic, racist, ableist, transphobic, sexist and so on, but as soon as I open my mouth to let them know that what they said/did wasn’t appropriate, I’m labelled as one of those “hysterical feminists” or a “party pooper”. s/ Sorry if your antisemitic joke isn’t making me laugh, my “dear” colleague... /s I hate whenever people infantilize me, especially my mom. She’s still keeping an eye on my bank account, despite me telling her that I didn’t want her to do so again and again. I don’t dare to block her out, because I’m scared of her emotional reaction.  I hate the ugliest parts of fandom, notably the obsession with “who’s topping / who’s bottoming” whenever there’s a gay pairing or the racism / ableism / transphobia / homophobia I’ve witnessed again and again.

I don’t dare to engage in the Last of Us 2 fandom because of that and the way some people describe the character of Abby (a very muscular woman), focusing on her physical appearance and calling her awful names (being downright transphobic when they thought that she was the transgender character that Naughty Dog announced there would be in their game). 

✨ what’s your favorite “dere” type?

I had to google it, because aside from Yandere and Tsundere, I didn’t know a thing about it. I guess you could say I’m a Dandere (someone who is quiet and asocial. They are afraid to talk, fearing that what they say will get them in trouble.). 

My favorite type is Kuudere though, when it comes to anime in particular (someone who is calm and collected on the outside, and never panics. They show little emotion, and in extreme cases are completely emotionless, but may be hiding their true emotions. They tend to be leaders who are always in charge of a situation.). 

My favorite anime character, Kiyotaka Ayanokōji from the anime Classroom of the elite, is the most extreme case I can think about. He’s completely expressionless for most of the anime, talks with a very dull voice and it’s impossible to know what he’s thinking about at all times or what’s his overall plan. His hidden depth makes him all the more fascinating. He managed to keep me interested in a mostly meh anime.

✨ rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

It’s a bit hard, but somewhere around 5 or 6? I went through tons of crap in my life but I’m still here and able to live on my own, even if my quality of life isn’t all that good. I live with nearly daily suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager and have to compose with my meltdowns and anxiety attacks as well. I feel “other” most of the time and I can’t relate to most people I’m meeting and interacting with, which can sometimes feel very lonely.

On the other hand, I have wonderful friends who are willing to put up with my trauma crap and are overall amazing to talk to and be around. I have a cat I love dearly. They’re the reason why I’m still alive to this day, giving me a reason to say fuck off to my suicidal thoughts. 

✨ what’s your main blog?

My main blog is Ladyautie and is about autism. I have another blog, reddie-4-more, focusing on the It movies and Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier.

✨ is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

So, uh, don’t be weirded out by the kind of things I can tell you about my past. Even if it seems a lot, all of it is definitely true. 

For example, I was almost kidnapped when I was around 8 or 9 by a random guy, while I was camping with my father. 

My father and my paternal grandmother actually kidnapped me and my brother when I was around two and I stayed with him until the social workers determined that my mother had to raise us again because our well-being and overall life were threatened. 

Lots of events of my life seem far-fetched or out of a movie / a book or something and I had people telling me that I must be lying or that I’m over-exaggerating, something that always hurts deeply.

I’m terribly awkward and more or less openly autistic, so you’re definitely going to notice something different about me. I can’t change for you and I’m not willing to hide my traits only to make you feel more comfortable about frequenting me, so if you can’t handle my socially anxious and disabled ass, then just leave.

I need people to actually tell me what they think or feel. I’m very “first degree” and I’m pretty bad at guessing what people are thinking about. Don’t be afraid to be frank.

Finally, never, and I mean never, infantilize me. I’m a 26 years old woman. I’m not a kid.I’m fine with my friends offering to help or making sure that I’m okay or so, but never assume that I don’t understand something and don’t force your help on me if I say that I’m okay.

That’s it, those who want to take part in this exercise, don’t hesitate!

[driftingthruthecosmos]

Content warning: discussions of transphobia and dysphoria

I had a friend from work today who dealt with his car being totaled last night while it was parked by his home. It's awful that it happened to him. But then this sentimemt gets sprinkled by a mutual friend of his in the comments and it made me realize what I've forgotten after being on HRT for almost three months and going through the general high of gender euphoria: how so many people find my mere existence threatening, unnerving, or disgusting.

Because being trans is inherently deviant, whether we like it or not. Being trans is automatically implied to be a mannerism and symptom of suffering from some category of mental imbalance. That it deserves humiliation and shame.

Being trans, to many people, makes me an "it", a "he", just a man in a dress, or whatever anyone who detests my gender noncomfirmity decides I am without ever considering my needs, my desires, or overall emotional well-being.

Stuff like this never really "triggers" me. Does it annoy me? Yes. Does it sadden me? Absolutely. But I also know I happen to be more privileged than others in my community.

I am young. I am white. I am a transitioning MTF so I have grown up with male privilege, whether I like it or not. I am in overall good health. I have good insurance, I'm able to afford my spironolactone and estradiol. I do have a stressful job that sucks bits of my life away but at least I have a job in a time of great economic unrest.

At the end of the day, there are other trans people (Especially those who are of different ethnicities, live in different countries, and/or are differently-abled) who suffer greater atrocities than I do BUT that suffering and humiliation is only encouraged by the coded language of associating the transgender existence with being lesser and inhuman when compared to those who choose to identify with the genders forced upon them since birth.

So to end this little piece, what I'm pleading is this: if you are are an ally, I implore you to look out for your trans friends. Some of us feel unable to correct people due to anxiety or just not wanting to deal with coming across as "that obnoxious trans friend who always ruins the overall vibe". I was very happy to have had a good friend step in and correct this person. But this sort of thing can happen more often than you think.

What a lot of people can forget is that transphobia isn't always inherently villainous or malovent. It can be very casual and out of the blue because it is an outlet for people to project their frustrations onto because of their lack of knowledge on the topic or the refusal to acknowledge it as a systemic issue.

At the end of the day, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world. Transitioning has made me a happier person, a stronger one. I'm literally changing a little bit each day. And I hope day by day, in this shitty year of 2020, so will everything else. Things don't get better right away. Only one step at a time. And you just gotta keep walking.

[hungline]

I saw ur post abt taking prompts. Idk if you can do this but on @hybridfanfictions blog their most popular post was about a bee hybrid fic one and I though it was rlly cool....

honeycomb for a heart

pairing: yoonminjoonseok 

genre: fluff, light angst, hybrid au, rated pg13 

warnings: trans male character, mentioned misgendering and transphobia 

a/n: hi anon! so i saw the queen bee prompt by @hybridfanfiction and instantly fell in love with it. sorry this took so long to do, but i hope you like it regardless! title is taken from rupi kaur’s “the sun and her flowers” btw!

words: 1402 

summary: Yoongi never actually expected to build his own hive.

+ tag list: @jooneos​​ @kirtikagarg​ @disrespectfulkookies​ @roseyjongdae​ @reeneryu​​ @joonsvalentine​ @smoochkook​ ✨

Yoongi never actually expected to build his own hive.

Technically (legally, he means), he is a Queen Bee in name only. It didn’t matter if he petitioned to be listed as a King Bee instead, in the government’s eyes, Yoongi is and always will be Min Yoonji.

He doesn’t let that get to him though. Yoonji was a fine name and he liked it and all the special attention he garnered at first, but then his Queen Bee died. After that, he began wearing his late father’s clothes and went exclusively as Yoongi.

Bee hybrids aren’t rare, but they are uncommon. The only bee hybrids Yoongi has ever met were his mom and his uncle who soon passed after their Queen did. Knowing this, Yoongi was certain of the fact that even if he did meet another bee hybrid, they wouldn’t want to build a hive with him. Bees need their Queens. For bees, females are the ones with all the power while men are simply meant to worship and follow their stead.

Some days, that knowledge alone makes Yoongi want to crawl right out of his skin because he knows that his assigned gender at birth isn’t what he actually is, but it will be the reason he never gets to experience love and the special bond of a hive. Other days, it’s a burden he is able to carry without strain. And on every other day, Yoongi focuses on his garden, on the hives he keeps to produce honey with regular bees and the nursery business he inherited from his uncle.

He has decided to expand recently though, deadset on opening up a honey themed cafe he hopes will have more humans interested in bees. Maybe there will be a surge of requests for more bee hybrids to be made or maybe some will even walk right into his cafe and instantly want him to be their King. He’s heard of the stories on the internet after all. How all it takes for bees is one look to know who their true Queen is. It isn’t that far-fetched of an idea for him and a bee to exchange glances before the bee gives their loyalty to him.

(A bee could dream anyway.)

As a result, Yoongi had contacted an accountant that Seokjin, a panther hybrid he went to school with, highly recommended to him. His business card introduced him as Jung Hoseok, the sunnier half of the MonoHope partners and Yoongi hadn’t even bothered to do further research on him before reaching out. They had exchanged emails for the better part of the week and today was when Hoseok, along with his partner, would finally meet with Yoongi in person to hash out the main aspect of Yoongi’s desired business plan and expected profit. Yoongi was sitting at the table in his favorite nursery, checking the ledgers and running through the numbers once more while waiting for the two to arrive, pen tapping lightly against his lips.

Yoongi became so engrossed in his task that he was distracted enough to miss the texts Hoseok had sent him and regretted that as soon as the door creaks open and Yoongi shoots up out of his chair, eyes flickering towards the three figures suddenly entering the nursery.

It takes Yoongi a moment to realize that the men in front of him are bee hybrids who are incredibly attractive. Their antennae are long and the wings are thick, the fuzz on their heads closer to gold than yellow. Instincts that he hasn’t felt in a long time begin to build within him, running through his veins and make his heart pump with anticipation. His own wings start to flutter, antennae twitching as a mantra of hive, hive, hive starts up in his head.

He is able to ignore those instincts though when Yoongi realizes that more than a few minutes have passed with no one speaking a word. The three men standing before him just won’t stop staring at him and he’s beginning to feel nervous and self-conscious about himself when the tallest of the three drops his suitcase and bows down to him.

“My King,” he says, his voice rough.

Yoongi doesn’t even have the time to react before the other two men follow suit, bowing and murmuring a quiet, “My King.”

They stand back up slowly, eyes roaming all over him and before where Yoongi felt anxious under their gazes, he feels nothing but warmth now. They know that he is a Queen Bee, but they called him King anyway. No one except Seokjin has ever acknowledged that without being prompted. And yet, these three perfect strangers felt what only a bee could and paired it with what they saw before they gave their fealty to Yoongi properly.

Yoongi steps forward, steeling himself. He has a hive now, these three are his hive and he isn’t about to let them go.

“What are your names?” he croaks, wincing at the sound of his own voice.

The tallest smiles at him though, bowing again before he says, “Kim Namjoon, at your service, my King.”

Yoongi wants to tell him not to bow, to treat him like he would anybody else, but those instincts he ignored earlier are back at full force and will not allow that.

“Jung Hoseok, at your service, my King,” the man beside Namjoon introduces himself, smiling after he has straightened from his bow. “We exchanged emails, but it’s very nice to finally meet you, Your Majesty.”

Again, Yoongi wants to speak up and tell Hoseok that he need not bother with the official titles, but his instincts fight him and Yoongi decides to give in because he knows a losing battle when he sees one. He focuses on the last man to introduce himself instead, head tilted to the side in confusion. He’s pretty sure Hoseok didn’t mention bringing someone other than Namjoon with him for their appointment.

“And who might you be?” Yoongi asks, patting himself on the back for keeping his voice gentle when the short man startles slightly and flushes under his gaze.

“Park Jimin, at your service, my King,” Jimin replies, hesitant and obviously nervous, but his voice is steady and Yoongi finds himself smiling over the fact that he didn’t bow like the other two. “Hobi-hyung invited me along because he wanted a banker’s perspective on your plan. I hope that isn’t a problem.”

“I see,” Yoongi says with a nod. “It’s not a problem at all. Thank you for coming.”

Yoongi bites his lip, hands twisting together in front of him as he looks over these three men who know nothing about him but are now his anyway. “Are you certain this is what you want? All of you?”

“Of course,” Hoseok answers immediately. “You are our King.”

“But wouldn’t you prefer a Queen?” Yoongi cannot help but ask, wondering why he is questioning this so much. “You must know that I’m not… that. I will never be a Queen.”

Namjoon steps forward then and holds his arms out hesitantly. Yoongi stares at his hands for a moment before he takes them in his own, drawing closer. Out of the corner of his eye, Yoongi can see Hoseok and Jimin approaching as well but keeps his primary focus on Namjoon in front of him.

“We’ve gone our whole lives without a Queen,” Namjoon says this so matter of factly that Yoongi can only blink up at him in surprise and a bit of awe if he is going to be truthful. A worker bee growing up without a Queen? That’s traumatic, to say the least. “Now we have found a King and we do not intend to let you go, Your Majesty. Don’t you want to start a hive with us?”

And damn it, when Namjoon looks at him like that with his eyes huge and imploring, how is Yoongi even meant to say no?

So Yoongi nods and tilts his head up, accepting the chaste kiss Namjoon presses to his mouth before striding towards Hoseok and doing the same. Jimin surprises him by stepping forward when Yoongi has pulled away from Hoseok, sweeping him into his arms and giving him the filthiest kiss Yoongi has ever received in his life. It leaves him reeling, his wings fluttering and face warm as they separate.

Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

[fandom-star]

Transgender Pride Month Challenge

So, I'm an admin on a trans meme/info account on Instagram, and one of the guys on there sent this to our chat, so I thought I'd do it on here.

1. My name is Elliott or Ell. I am asexual and bi/panromantic (both fit me so I use both) and I am a transmasculine non-binary person.

2. The only proper coming out I've had was with my mum. I don't feel like putting it here, it's somewhere on my blog. Most of the time I've either given my friends my Tumblr knowing they'd figure it out or I've just dropped a thousand hints in group chats! I dunno, I just prefer coming out like that with people I know will be okay with it.

3. I've probably always had an idea, at least since I was about 8, but after the age of 10 I kind of went into a fair bit of denial and threw myself into being a fangirl. I eventually realised I should look into it in May 2018, when I first identified as a demigirl.

4. I am not on hormones. It's probably something I'll look into doing maybe in my mid twenties for half a year, maybe a year, to get the extent of the effects that I want, but I don't think I'd stay on for much more than a year.

5. My support system is mostly my friends. 

6. My chest, my deadname (mostly seeing it written), sometimes my voice, sometimes my height.

7. When I decided to change my name (July 2018 when I was exploring the possibility of being a trans guy) the one thing I knew was that I wanted to still be able to feasibly use the nickname Ell. So I basically looked around online for names with that sound in them. I ended up with about five or six and wrote down the pros and cons of them all. The only con on the name Elliott was that there was a guy in my form class with the same name (Elliot), whereas the others usually had about two. So I chose Elliott.

8. I haven't had much of a transition journey. I had my hair cut short in July 2018. Had my first irl coming out in September 2018 as non-binary to a friend who figured it out. July 2019 I changed my name. July and August 2019 I came out to my mum (if you followed me then you'll know what that story is and why it was over two months). November 2019 I went to a comic con with my friends which was my first time being openly non-binary in public, and I also bought my first pronoun badge there. Later in the month, my mum bought me a pronoun badge. December 2019 my best friend bought me my first binder. And some point before September 2020 I will have come out on my personal Instagram.

9. I don't think I have any regrets. I feel like I shouldn't have any, because everything I have done has brought me here, and I'm happy where I am. Maybe I regret backing out of coming out on Instagram last month, because I was gonna try coming out on 1st of July, but with everything happening I felt like it was a really inappropriate time.

10. My binder is a blue half tank from GC2B. His name is Robbie. I can't be bothered to take a photo!

11. My definite transition goals are to legally change my name and gender (but only when the UK legally recognises non-binary people, until then imma confuse people by having a masculine legal name but being legally recognised as female!) and have a chest reduction. As I said earlier, I'm definitely considering testosterone, but the two effects I definitely want from it are facial hair and a deeper voice, both of which I could probably achieve to an extent without the involvement of T. (I basically have the ability to grow a beard naturally, but I never have because mum's worried about me being bullied or whatever if it gets too much.)

14. I am single and have never been in a relationship. I know, I know, the shock and the horror of a 16 year old having never been in a relationship, but I'm permanently anxious about everything, and I don't develop crushes very often and the last two I've had have been on friends, one of which doesn't live near me and I've never met in person, so.... Yeah, and that means I can't really say whether people knowing I'm trans or not has had any difference in them being attracted to me.

15. Obviously, I'm not completely out right now, but when I do come out I will be quite open about it. There's no real way to be stealth as a non-binary person, so that's not really a possibility. Even on the trans masc side of things, I don't think I'd ever be able to be stealth nor do I really want to be. For one, my transition plans don't exactly allow for it particularly, but also, while being referred to as male is highly preferable to being referred to as female, if I can have control over it, I won't be seen as strictly either.

16. I think I stand with the majority when I say that the only concern I can think of around transitioning is transphobia. Especially with my classmates, because while some of them are amazing (hello the whole five of you here) there's a lot of casual transphobia and explicit mockery of non-binary people at my school. It's one of the reasons I really hope our pride group continues when I start back at Sixth Form in September, because I feel like we could do a lot to combat that.

17. I mean, I guess I basically went over fear of rejection in 16, but I guess I could extend on that by explaining why I don't really mention my dad in regards to all this. Basically, I haven't come out to him about anything regarding my queer identity. This isn't necessarily because of him being explicitly homophobic or transphobic (he's never said anything homophobic ever and seemingly supports my going to pride events), it's mostly because our relationship is somewhat distant. We don't have an awful lot to do with each other outside of sharing interests. And he tends to be averse to anything "new". So, yes, I fear that if I came out to my father about being non-binary he would react by either ignoring it or me or not believing me.

20. September 2016 vs Today, June 2020

21. Something I'm most proud of relating to being trans... ooh! Probably the time I went out for lunch with my mum and my granny (who is basically deaf) and being called "sir" and "young man" by two different waiters while mum went to the toilet. The reason that's such an amazing moment for me is because I was feeling extremely dysphoric about how long my hair was getting, so I wasn't even making any attempt to look at all masculine. 

22. Things that make me euphoric are binding, people saying my name, listening to recordings of my voice (a lot of the time it sounds a lot more androgynous than I expect) and seeing photos of myself in cosplay.

23. Music. Very generic! Um... I have a Spotify playlist of songs to listen to when I feel dysphoric. Speaking of Spotify playlists, most of them are based on ships or characters. My username is seltudoor. I have a rather large record collection and an old record player/radio/cassette player that used to be my dad's that I think is from the 80s. Everything else you know! Classic rock, Sinatra and all that.

24. Freddie Mercury is the love of my life (HA!) and my role model. I have put into words why somewhere on my music blog, but I can't exactly remember. It goes a bit deeper than that he wasn't afraid to be true to himself. I also have an entire post about my trans role model Lou Sullivan that I made last June. In short, he was the first trans man to medically transition as an openly gay man who was also a badass, though I mainly say that because towards the end of his life (he died from AIDS complications) he wrote that, although the medical system didn't recognise him as a gay man, it seemed as though he was going to die like one.

25. Weirdest fact about me. Hmm... not sure I have any weird facts. My bookshelf organisation has two aspects to it that I don't think I've seen anyone else have. I group them by genre and order them by publication date from earliest to latest.

26. Things that cross my mind a lot. The fact that I should really be doing some writing instead of reading another fanfiction or watching another YouTube video that spoils most of Merlin for me. I don't know really.

27. You can win my heart by having a presence that makes me feel like I can happy stim in front of you whilst we watch something together, by accepting the fact that you will probably come second to my fandoms/obsessions a lot of the time, by allowing me to be touchy and clingy at random moments for often a long period of time, by not judging that I can't do "normal everyday things" and helping me with them and by being weird. 

28. My mum, @maestrowave​, @in3ffable-husbands​, @fandom-0bsession​ and everyone else in my active group chats on Instagram, @britpop-bowie​, @esperata​ and some other people.

29. I don't know what I'm most scared of. 

30. I think I'm mostly happy. I have great friends, my education is probably headed in a direction that will allow me to progress into an industry I've wanted to work in since I was 9 and in two years' time I will hopefully be at uni and able to experiment with my transition without worrying about what my parents think.