#I must... embrace cringe be free

[nuclearanomaly]

Sugar is Sweet

Is it a date if you both agree to go out and it just so happens to be Valentione’s Day and you both happen to really like each other but neither of you do anything to acknowledge that? [Modern | Bookshop AU. | wc 7046 ]

Estinien checked his coat pocket again, for the millionth time since leaving his apartment earlier that afternoon. He didn’t need to check. The box that was tucked into his coat was still there. As it had been the time before, and the time before that. His breath clouded his view momentarily as he exhaled, nervously. 

He stood just outside the entrance to Page 64, shifting slightly in the cold, eyeing the warm light that spilled out of the cluttered windows and poster plastered door. He checked his pocket again. Still there. 

Maybe he should text first, a casual message about being in the neighbourhood before stopping in. Or maybe—he jumped as the door abruptly opened and a rare customer started to exit the store. They gave Estinien a perplexed look as he shuffled out of the way before stepping aside and holding the door for him. 

Shit.

“Thanks.” He mumbled as he slipped past and into the store. 

The comforting smell of old paper greeted him, accompanied by the overfilled shelves and stacks of books and as he made his way further into the store, Ninira. She sat at her usual spot at the counter, busy at her computer after the departure of her customer. He smiled, she hadn’t noticed him yet. The light from the laptop screen reflected in her glasses, her brow furrowed slightly in concentration. As he drew closer she must have sensed his presence as she started to look up a greeting halfway formed before she realized who she was talking to.

“Hel–oh! Estinien! What are you doing here?” She blinked, shocked. “It’s Tuesday, don’t you have band practice?”

“Cancelled.” He fished the stool tucked under the side of the counter out and took a seat. His stool. Going through the motions of taking it out and sitting on it was second nature by this point. “Some of the others have plans tonight.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. I’m sorry.”

He shrugged, “it’s no big deal. Our next show isn’t until the end of the month. Besides, I was able to get some work shit done instead. Thought I’d stop in since I was dropping stuff off at the store.” A small lie. She didn’t need to know that all he had done in the back room of his own store was kill time, pacing nervously while watching the clock tick closer to Page 64’s closing time.

Ninira smiled in a way that made Estinien’s gut flutter stupidly. “You know that you’re always welcome to.” She lifted a couple books stacked beside her laptop before sliding off her stool. “Make yourself comfortable, I’m just going to put these back.”

It was a bold statement considering it felt like a majority of the store had little to no organization to begin with. Ninira did claim that some parts had more order than others, and perhaps these books were from one such section as it wasn’t too long before she returned empty handed. 

“You’re closing soon right?” 

“Yep.” Ninira hopped back up onto her seat, turning her head to glance at the time as she did so. “In about twenty minutes.”

Estinien nodded, but under the counter his leg trembled anxiously. “Want to grab something to eat when you’re done?”

Ninira’s expression fell. “I’m sorry. I can’t…”

It was as if his heart had plummeted. “Oh… you have plans?” He fought to keep his face neutral. 

“W–what? No!” She laughed in disbelief, “not at all. It’s just…”

Estinien watched, frowning, as her shoulders sagged. “Money’s tight this month. Foot traffic is already slow being winter, but with how cold it’s been recently it’s just been… hard.”

“How hard?” The fact that Ninira didn’t have it easy balancing the cost of her store wasn’t news to him, but the thought of her skimping on essential things to do so…

She blinked, as if surprised he cared. “I’m fine!” His furrowed brow obviously didn’t convince her as she tried to give him what was probably supposed to be a reassuring smile. “I promise! I just have to watch what I’m spending… so I can’t really splurge on dinner. I’m sorry. Maybe when things pick back up again?”

“Or, how about, I buy you dinner?”

“Estinien… I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not. I’m offering.” He was aware that his leg had begun to shake nervously under the counter once more. “Nothing fancy, we can get Hingan, or there’s that new Hannish place that opened that we talked about trying.”

Still Ninira squirmed, noncommittal. 

“Well, think about it, at least.” This wasn’t exactly going as planned. “Do you need help with anything before closing?”

She jumped at the change of subject, “yes! If you don’t mind…” 

Estinein shook his head as he rose from his stool, shrugging out of his jacket as he did so. “I offered.” He draped his jacket over the stool, careful to make it seem nonchalant but while also taking care not to jostle it too much less he disturb the contents tucked away inside. “What do you need?”

Ninira sheepishly tapped a large cardboard box that he had failed to notice sitting on the counter. “Can you take that to the back office? I’ll need to go through it later.”

Walking around and peeking into the top, Estinien was unsurprised to find it full of books. “Are these new?” 

“Mmm… they were brought in this afternoon by a very nice old man.”

He sighed before rapping Ninira, lightly, on the top of her head with his knuckle. “You have to stop accepting this shit.” 

“I–I know!” She rubbed her head. “But he was so passionate about them and I couldn’t say no!”

“If he was passionate about them, he would have kept them.” Estinien grunted as he lifted the box into his arms, it was heavier than it looked. “The fuck is in here? Weighs a ton.”

“I think he said something about encyclopedias. I haven’t had a chance to really look.” 

Of course it was. Some old geezer’s dusty out of date encyclopedias that no one in their right mind would want. He hefted the box higher in his arms as he started through the shelves towards the back of the store. She better not have paid for them. On top of all her other expenses the last thing she needed was to be made to feel sympathetic towards buying some old trash books. Perhaps he should have come over sooner, at last he could have been an intimidating presence. 

Between helping to move items and cleaning around the store it wasn’t long before Ninira was switching over the open sign and locking the door. Estinien watched as she sighed, stretching her arms above her head as she made her way back towards where he was leaning against the counter. 

“Thanks again for helping.”

He shrugged. “It’s no problem.” 

She continued past him, as she worked through the motions of closing up for the night. 

“Don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” Out of the corner of his eye he watched as she froze in place while he continued. “I could go for a big plate of biryani, maybe some samosas, fresh naan.”

He was sure he heard Ninira whine faintly. 

“Papadums and tikka masala, or perhaps vindaloo.”

Ninira snorted. “You can’t handle vindaloo.”

Estinien turned, “that’s what you think.”

“Last time we went for ramen you got one labeled mild and almost died.”

Almost died was definitely an exaggeration. Yes, the broth had been much hotter than he had expected. Yes, the server had warned him. Yes, he’d destroyed napkin after napkin trying to mop up the endless tears and snot streaming down his face while Ninira had wheezed into her far spicier bowl of soup. It had been agony, but also—he thought fondly of Ninira sitting across the table from him, her own tears in her eyes from laughing—a very good night. “I’ve improved my tolerance since then.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it.”

He raised his eyebrows at her, “well…” and watched as her expression fell and she started to retreat back into the version of herself that worried about stupid things like, bothering him.

“Come on, Nini. At the very least it will be better than whatever the fuck you have waiting upstairs.”

That earned him a sheepish grin, “I don’t know… half a can of tinned soup is hard to beat.”

Estinien frowned. She was skimping on necessities. “Don’t make me physically carry you to the restaurant, because I will. You deserve a good meal.” As if on queue Ninira’s stomach let out a growl loud enough that even he could hear. “Sounds like your stomach agrees.”

She sighed, before raising her hands in defeat. “Fine, I’ll go.”

Estinien grinned. Success. 

“Just give me a minute and I’ll go get my stuff.”

Estinien snatched his jacket off his stool, pulling it back on as he followed her through the shelves to the back of the store. Here he waited at the base of the stairs that led up to Ninira’s apartment for her return, his fingers drumming against his leg as his nerves returned in full force. It wasn’t long until Ninira reappeared bundled in her winter gear. Cute. Estinien caught himself thinking at the sight of her; though, he pretty much always thought of her as cute in anything she wore. “Ready?” He asked, and Ninira nodded. 

The restaurant Estinien had in mind was further into the city. A short ride on the subway got them most of the way there and despite the cold and now falling snow, they opted to walk the rest of the way. Also despite the fact that they were now arriving past what Estinien would have considered dinner time there was a line of people, mostly couples, waiting on the sidewalk outside of the restaurant doors. 

“It’s busy,” Ninira observed. 

“That must mean the food is good, at least.” He glanced down at her. “If you’re cold and don’t want to wait we can try somewhere else though.”

“It’s okay,” they shuffled forward as the line moved. “The line is moving. Besides, it seems like everywhere has been busy tonight.” 

Estinien watched as Ninira eyed the waiting couples and passing crowds. Watched as she pieced together the thing he was hoping she wouldn’t have noticed. 

“Wait,” She looked up at him, “isn’t today Valentione’s Day?”

It was. There was a reason band practice had been cancelled, as the majority of the other’s plans had involved their desire to spend time with their significant others. Understandable, though he could have done without their bonus desire to bother him about doing something himself. Despite knowing this, Estinien shrugged before making a show of fishing his phone out of his pocket to check the date. “Huh, so it is…”

Ninira chuckled, “No wonder everywhere is packed. I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that the line isn’t longer.”

“Well isn’t it supposed to be all stuffy candle lit dinners? Going for Hannish probably isn’t considered very romantic.”

“People who think that are missing out then. This is way better, in my opinion.”

Estinien smiled, pleased. “You’re just biased because you like the food.”

“Maybe so.”

“What if the candle lit dinner was exclusively dessert?”

She gasped. “Well that would be completely different!”

With their conversation helping to pass the time they eventually made their way off the street and into the restaurant. Inside was a bustling din of noise. The bright array of colours and textures that covered both the walls and the furniture made for an authentic Hannish atmosphere. And then there was the mouth-watering smell. Estinien was glad that they were getting seated next as he was definitely starting to get hungry. It wasn’t long before a server led them to a small table tucked away near the back of the room, positioned under a large graphic mural on the wall and lit by a glass lamp hanging from the ceiling above them. Estinien shrugged out of his coat, draping it over the back of his chair and taking a seat as Ninira did the same. 

“Can I grab you drinks to start?” Their server asked, to which Estinien nodded, flipping over his menu to check out the selection of beers as Ninira replied.

“Just water, thank you.”

Estinien furrowed his brow.

“Of course! And for you.”

“I’ll have a Cedarwood,” Estinien replied. “And a cream soda.”

The server’s mouth twitched with the hint of an amused grin at this combination, but nodded before leaving their table. As they did, Estinien levelled his gaze on Ninira. “Thirsty?” She asked, though she was unable to keep the waiver out of her voice.

“I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to order inexpensive things because I’m covering the bill.” 

She slumped her shoulders. 

“Well too bad, because you’re having a soda. And,” he reached across the table and plucked her menu away from her. “I already know what we’re ordering.”

“But we’ve never been here before!”

It pleased him that she didn’t seem to consider the possibility of him having come without her. “They have a menu online. I’ve done my research.”

Ninira pulled a face but resigned to her defeat. “Fine, you win… again.”

Estinien smirked, “I’m sure you’ll find some way to enact revenge.”

This made her smile. “When you least expect it.”

Their server returned shortly with their drinks, placing the water down in front of Nini and the beer and soda in front of Estinien. Tucking the serving tray under their arm they then asked “are you both ready to order?”

Estinien nodded at this. “We’re going to share,” He explained before beginning to list off items. Papadums and chutney to start, then a chicken tikka, lamb vindaloo, and paneer. An order of rice—of course—as well as a side of naan and raita. With each item he added Ninira’s brows rose further. It was for her own good, not only was she going to have a good meal but hopefully also some leftovers to take home as well. If she got at least one additional meal from tonight’s order Estinien would be happy. 

As the server left their table Ninira stared at him wide eyed. “That’s a lot…”

“I’m starving.” Estinien replied, matter-of-fact, as he pushed the cream soda across the table towards her.

Carefully she took the drink in both her hands, the glass too big for her to hold it in just one. She studied the soda, an expression of sad longing on her face. “You really didn’t have to order this for me.”

He sighed, “well you weren’t going to, so someone had to.” He gave her chair a nudge under the table with his foot. “Enjoy it.”

She hesitated briefly before taking a sip, unable to keep the pure bliss off her face as the sweet drink hit her tongue. Estinien masked his own pleased smile by raising his glass to his lips. 

“You mentioned practice being cancelled because the others had plans.” Ninira commented, having recovered from the ecstasy that was her drink. “I suppose that’s because it’s Valentione’s Day, huh?”

Estinien shrugged. The thought of their conversation returning to the holiday was less than ideal. After all the more they talked about it the more there was a chance that Ninira might begin to worry that he was implying that this was more than just friends just so happening to hang out on Valentione’s Day. Because, regardless of how he felt, that was all they were. Friends. “I guess that would make sense.” He tried to sound as non committal to the idea as possible. “Hilda’s been out of town since Friday. She and Lucia went to some ski resort in Coerthas, extended weekend.”

“Oh, that sounds really nice!” Estinien had never put Ninira down as a skier before but with the way she lit up at the mention of it… “The perfect opportunity for cozy evenings curled up by the fire with hot cocoa.” She sighed.

Ah, that made much more sense. Of course she would focus on the possibility of hot chocolate over anything else. Though perhaps she had the right idea. The thought of a rustic cabin in the mountains, surrounded by snow, lit and warmed by a roaring fire didn’t sound too bad at all. His stomach fluttered stupidly, helplessly, as the scene he was now forming in his mind came with the very vivid addition of Ninira in his arms. If he kissed her he would taste the cocoa.

“Estinien?”

He came crashing back to reality, the restaurant with its ambient din and smells of Hannish food, and Ninira across the table.

Shit. “Sorry, what was that?” He tried, as smoothly as possible, to take a sip of his drink. Hoping beyond hope that he was not visibly blushing.

“I asked if you knew if the others were busy as well.”

He shrugged, “no idea.” It was true enough. He was sure Ysayle had plans of some kind but also knew she was more likely to run him over with her car than share the details. As for Fray he genuinely did not know, and honestly wasn’t about to ask. His business was his own, and Estinien appreciated the fact that the respect for privacy was mutual. Hilda and Ysayle could do with learning a thing or two in that regard.

“I know you said your next show wasn’t until the end of the month, but that’s not that far away really.” Ninira continued. If she’d been bothered at all by his sudden lapse in attention she didn’t show it. “Will you need to do another make-up practice before then, since you’re missing today?”

She was at the very least doing better than him at keeping up the small talk. 

“Maybe, we still have practice next week. If we feel like we need another one before the show I’m sure we can squeeze one in.” Estinien wasn’t worried about it. The band knew what they were doing, were comfortable with the planned setlist, and it was a venue they’d played at before. If he was worried about anything it was… “Speaking of, you’re coming to the show, right?”

She fidgeted with her glass, “I’m… not sure. I mean, I would like to, just…”

Right. Money was tight, and concert tickets sure didn’t fall into essential items. 

“I’ll see how things look closer to the date.”

“You know, if you do want to go. Me, or anyone else in the band, can get you in no problem.” She opened her mouth to protest but he continued. “We know you support us. Hell, you sell some of our merch at your place now.” At what could only be the slowest turnover rate ever. He couldn’t imagine that old men that came in to drop off dusty encyclopedias cared much for the local punk scene “We can cover you for a show or two sometimes, you don’t always have to buy a ticket.” 

“But I want too.”

“I know, we all know. That’s why it’s no big deal.”

Any further objections from Ninira were put on hold, and ultimately forgotten, by the arrival of their Papadums. Thank the gods. While he’d mostly said it to save face earlier, he really was starving. Still, he nudged the basket towards Ninira allowing her to take the top most Papadum before helping himself.

“So,” he watched amused as Ninira snapped off a piece of the fried lentil chip and ladened it with mango chutney. “What’s the book club reading these days?”

The book club in question was less of an actual organized club and more just whatever novel she and Aymeric had decided to read at any given time. Though recently Lucia had also joined their ranks and, from what Estinien could gather, they had started to all read the same book simultaneously.

Ninira looked at him, shocked, as she worked around her mouthful of food before responding. “You don’t really want to hear about that… Do you?”

He shrugged. “I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t interested.” He popped his own bite of Papadum and chutney into his mouth. Unlike Ninira he had not drowned his in the mango sauce, not that he was opposed to the flavour; it was sweet and contrasted well with the salt of the papadum. He simply knew how much Ninira liked it and wanted her to have as much of it as possible. Swallowing, he continued, “besides, you can spoil things you might not be able to with the others yet. It’s not like I’m going to mind.”

“Well…” 

He sat back, listening while Ninira started to describe the novel they were reading. Hesitantly at first, but with more vigour after it became apparent that he was still listening. He did his best to follow the plot she was describing. After all, he wanted to be able to contribute back, to prompt her to describe something further, or explain how something was connected. The more she talked the more he got to listen and watch; because when she did talk about her passions and the things that made her happy she was captivating… radiant. Since walking into her store that evening very few people had existed outside of his bubble of attention that was Ninira, now it was as if the restaurant had ceased to exist around him. His focus belonged to her, and her alone. 

Even the arrival of their order did little to distract either of them. The array of food was presented on a large platter, the dishes of curries framing the larger bowl of rice and the basket of naan. Between all the food, their drinks, and their individual plates their little table had become quite cramped. 

“So, Aymeric is convinced that the main character is going to end up with the childhood friend, but Lucia is sure she’s ending up with the glamorous famous guy that’s taken notice of her.” Ninira explained as she dished herself out a portion of rice.

“And who do you think she will end up with?” Estinien asked as he tore off a piece of naan, the still warm bread practically flaking apart.

“As much as I’d like to say I support Aymeric’s choice, Lucia has the whole story nailed down. She’s one hundred percent ending up with the famous guy. They’re both about as compelling as wet cardboard, though.” 

“Do the others agree with that statement at least?”

“Oh yeah! I don’t think Aymeric’s trying to advocate that the childhood friend guy is actually attractive but he’s at least a little nicer than the other option.” Ninira scooped curry and rice up onto her fork. “The thing is, the main character is also terribly dull and way too drawn to the glamorous lifestyle the other guy offers.” She paused. “I’m sorry. I’ve been talking about this for way too long, you've got to be bored out of your mind.”

He wasn’t. He’d listen to her talk about the stupid love triangle romance novel for hours if she wanted to tell him about it. “It’s fine.” He smiled. “But if you’re not careful, I will eat your naan.”

She gasped and quickly snatched her own piece of bread out of the basket, tearing off a piece and adding it to her mouthful of food with a defiant look. 

Estinien chuckled and lifted his own forkful of food about to take a bite–

“Wait, Estinien!”

He paused.

“Is that the vindaloo?”

He glanced at his fork, “yeah.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Ninira hurried to stab her own piece of lamb and pop it into her mouth. Her eyebrows shot up and she looked at him in earnest, lifting a hand to cover her mouth so she could speak around her food. “Estinien it’s hot. Like really hot. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I told you, my tolerance is way better.” Her eyes widened as he continued to lift his fork to his mouth. “I’ll be fine.”

He was not fine. 

He had expected to feel the heat slowly build as he took the mouthful of vindaloo. Instead the spice of sauce seemed to erupt as soon as it hit his tongue. It was so potent that it was as if his throat and nose were full of it. He erupted into a fit of coughing, while desperately trying to keep his mouth shut. He could barely breathe, barely see, his eyes were already watering. He should have listened, this shit was hot. 

Vaguely he was aware of Ninira loading up some naan with raita and holding it out across the table towards him. He forced his way through the rest of the vindaloo, his mouth screaming in protest, before taking the offered naan and shoving it into his mouth. The relief from the cool yogurt sauce was unparalleled, gods, he even moaned. 

“I warned you.” Ninira chided him. 

Despite the fact that he was clearly still suffering he tried to counter that he was fine but the spice still had a hold of his throat resulting in a second fit of coughing.

“Here,” Ninira pushed her untouched water towards him. “Drink.”

He chugged the entire glass which made her chuckle. Slowly he started to feel like he was no longer in the grips of hell, though he still had to wipe undignified tears from his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “Fuck,” he wheezed, finally able to speak again. 

“What was all that about built up tolerance?” Ninira wasn’t even trying to hide her smirk now that it was clear he was no longer dying. 

Estinien scowled in return. “I’m suffering, and you’re laughing.” She raised an eyebrow at this and he continued. “I obviously just got the sauce stuck in my throat, it had nothing to do with how spicy it was.”

“Oh? So you’re going to have more, then?” 

“No.”

“That’s too bad!” She made a show of popping more vindaloo into her own mouth. “It’s delicious!”

Vindaloo aside—in Estinien’s case—the rest of the food was delicious. And, despite the fact that between them they had made quite the dent in all the food he had ordered, Estinien was relieved to see that there were still some left over for Ninira to take home. 

With the end of their meal came the arrival of their bill and the return of Ninira’s guilt. The price of the dinner didn’t phase him. Estinien had decided—long before his arrival at Ninira’s store—that he didn’t care how much the events of this evening cost. Unfortunately there was no way to translate this to her without making it evident that he’d been planning the possibility of this entire night for a while. Instead he simply went through the process of paying and leaving the restaurant as quick but nonchalant as possible, giving Ninira very few opportunities to fuss. 

Now, standing outside on the still snowy sidewalk Estinien exhaled, his breath hanging in the air momentarily before him. Aware that they were now barreling towards the end of their outing he found himself grasping at ideas to extend their time together. He did have a few, it was just a case of executing them…

“The snow’s almost stopped.” He noted. Ninira was preoccupied beside him, adjusting her scarf so it came up near her ears. “Want to take the long way back? We can cut through the park and catch the train from there instead of going back the way we came.”

“Oh!” She looked up at him. “That’s a good idea! I heard they put up a light display there this week. It’s supposed to be really well done.”

So she had heard about that, at least it would give them a reason to take their time. 

“Well we can check it out on our way through, then.” He started down the sidewalk, Ninira hurrying to fall into step beside him. 

They were a block or so from the park, waiting at a crosswalk, when the coffee shop across the road caught Estinien’s eye. He nudged Ninira lightly, getting her attention before nodding with his head across the road. “Want a drink?”

She followed his gaze, her mouth twisting with uncertainty. “Ummm.”

“To have while we walk through the park.” He added, in case she found the idea of another sit down situation unappealing.

“I shouldn’t… so it’s okay, I don’t need one.” The light changed and they started across the road. “But if you would like one, then by all means.”

Of course, he should have known better. Asking her was pointless. In that case… “Yeah, I think I’m going to grab one.”

“Alright!” She eyed the line visible through the coffee shop window. “I think I’ll wait outside.” 

“Okay. I won’t be long.” That suited him fine, after all she couldn’t stop him from buying her a drink if she wasn't there. 

Entering the shop any frets he’d had over what exactly to order Ninira left him as soon as he looked at the menu board. Right in the middle was a large display advertising their Sweetheart drink. A special Valentione’s Day exclusive; white hot chocolate, coloured pink for gods only knew what reason, topped with whipped cream, as well as an obscene amount of marshmallows and sprinkles. It had Ninira’s name written all over it (the implication of her being his sweetheart aside). 

He tried not to feel foolish while he ordered it—having to ask for one Sweetheart made him extra grateful Ninira had not followed him into the store after all—and tried not to fidget too much while waiting for it to be brought to him. The impact of the drink was lost a little by the fact that it needed to be in a take-out cup, but the barista did put a domed lid on it so that the cream, sprinkles and marshmallows were on display. 

His coffee in one hand, hot chocolate in the other, he made his way back out onto the street. Ninira was waiting where he had left her, near the door, pressed up close to the wall so that she was out of the way of the passers by. As he approached her she looked up at him, the faintest hint of uneasy surprise on her face as she quickly took in the two drinks in his hands. 

“Thirsty?” She asked, again, the waiver in her voice, again. 

He answered by simply holding the hot chocolate out towards her, while taking a sip from his own drink at the same time. When she didn’t take it he added, “that one is yours.” 

She started to reach for it but stopped herself. “I can’t pay you back…”

“You don’t have to.” He pushed the drink into her hands. “It’s part of the dinner… dessert.” He added. “It probably has enough sugar in it to kill a man so that basically makes it a dessert.” 

Ninira didn’t laugh. She did take the cup but rather than take a sip just gazed forlornly down at it. “I appreciate it but… I would have been okay not having one. You’ve already spent so much on me tonight, I can’t imagine why you would want to spend more.”

To Estinien the answer was simple, obvious. Because I like you. Because I really like you. Because I would buy you anything. Because you deserve it. Because I want to see the way your face lights up when you taste something you enjoy. Because I want you to be happy. Because I want to give you things, anything. Because I like you.

He, of course, said none of those things. “We’re friends, Nini. Do I need a reason besides that?”

She exhaled, her breath shaking as she did so. “No… you’re right. I’m sorry. I promise I am thankful, really! I just… feel like I’ve been a burden, making you pay for all this.”

“You’re not a burden.” He reassured her quietly. 

She nodded, “right.” He didn’t miss the way her voice cracked, or how she turned to try and discreetly wipe at her eyes under her glasses. Shit. He was pretty sure making your crush cry on Valentione’s Day was the last thing you were supposed to do. 

He started to reach for her but stopped himself. What comfort could he truly offer her?

She let out another long breath, “sorry. I didn’t mean to bring down the mood. Like I said back at my place, it’s been a hard month.” 

“I know. I’m also sorry, I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.” He stepped up beside her and she looked up at him. Blessedly her eyes were free of further tears. 

“No. No, you haven't.” She sighed, “ I just need to remind myself I am allowed to, you know, get given things by my friends. Like this.” She held up her drink a little and Estinien smiled. “What is it?”

“Ah,” he couldn’t bring him to tell her the name of the drink. “Some kind of hot chocolate. It was their special today, apparently.”

“Oh! Well that explains all the toppings.” 

“I have no idea how you can drink that. Just looking at it is enough to make me feel like I’m going to go into a coma.” Estinien admitted as they started down the sidewalk once more. 

This did make her laugh, “but it’s so good!” she insisted after taking a sip.

Warmth flooded through his chest, the origin of which had nothing to do with his own drink.

The city park was not far from the coffee shop. It was decent sized, and functioned as a popular gathering place and often hosted events year round. As Ninira has said the trees along the main thoroughfare had been done up with lights. Whether this had been done intentionally for Valentione’s Day or not Estinien didn’t know. It didn’t matter either as it was clearly a popular destination for those celebrating the holiday regardless.

They fell in with the crowd, following the stream of people as they made their way along the path of lights. Ninira was content to look up at them with wonder, Estinien however found his attention drawn by other things. The way the couple in front of them walked with their hands entwined. People with arms around waists, arms linked. He even went as far as to turn his head to watch as another lalafell rode past on their partner’s shoulders. Would Ninira like that? He glanced down at her, she was still looking at the lights, absently sipping her drink as she did so. It would have at least offered her a better view. 

Lost in his thoughts the walk through the park ended far quicker than Estinien would have liked. At least Ninira seemed pleased, her mood having lightened considerably as they walked. 

“That was really pretty!” She commented as they walked back out onto the city street. “I’m glad we did that. I didn’t think I’d have a chance to come see it before they took it down.”

“Oh?” From his knowledge, and text message history, Ninira spent most of her uneventful evenings in her apartment.

“It’s been too cold!” She made a face. 

Perhaps it had been, though he personally didn’t think it was that bad. And as much as he longed to find some way to drag their last remaining moments together even further, Ninira did look cold. Her ears and nose were visibly red and she shook, ever so subtly. “Let's get you home then,” he offered. “Less you freeze here and now, on the night you decided to actually brave the weather.”

A subway ride, a short walk, and Estinein found himself standing in the small alley that led to Ninira’s back door while she flipped through her keys; their evening officially over. At least the light above her door worked now. 

Her key clicked in the lock but she turned to look at him before opening the door. “Thank you, Estinien, for everything. I know I was a bit of a downer at times, but I really appreciate everything that you did for me tonight.”

He shrugged, “it’s no problem. If you need anything, ever, just let me know.” 

She gave him a weak smile. “I’ll try.”

It was all he could ask for. “Here.” He held out the bag containing the leftover Hannish food that he had been carrying since leaving the restaurant. “You should have this.” He added.

Ninira blinked, “but you bought that, it’s yours. Are you sure you don’t want it?”

“Well, most of it is the Vindaloo. And anything that isn’t has probably been contaminated by it so…”

She laughed. “Okay, maybe it is best I take it then.” 

Relief, Estinien hadn’t really wanted to work around another instance of her trying to refuse his generosity. She took the bag from his outstretched hand peeking in as she did so. 

“I don’t remember it looking like there was this much left back at the restaurant. This will last me a while… thank you.”

“Again, it’s no problem”

“Well,” she turned a little back towards her door. “Goodnight, then.”

“Night,” He smiled, and tucked his now free hands into his pockets. Or at least, attempted to. One pocket was full, as it had been all night, and before his arrival so many hours ago. 

Fucking shit! God damnit!!

He’d forgotten all about the stupid thing! His plan initially had been to leave the box on Ninira’s front counter when she wasn’t looking, after she was finished wrapping up for the night. That way she would have found it the next day and, despite the fact that it would have been painfully obvious he’d been the one to leave it there, he could act none the wiser. So wrapped up in trying to get Ninira to agree to dinner, and then the euphoria of his success he’d neglected to ever take the box out of his pocket. 

Now he was faced with a dilemma, he could hold onto it, try and sneak it into her shop on another day. Attempt to do what he had planned to initially, or he could just… give it to her now. A terrifying idea, but he was running out of time to debate the possibilities, Ninira was already opening her door, already starting to step inside.

Just do it you idiot!!

“Hey, Nini, hang on.” 

She froze.

“I forgot something.”

Slowly she turned, her eyes wide behind her glasses. “O–oh?”

He stepped closer, Ninira’s eyes widening even further as he did so. He didn’t know why she looked so startled, he was the one who felt like his heart was about to beat out of his chest with how nervous he was. Producing the box from his pocket he thrust it out in her direction. “Here.”

She stared at him and at the box before slowly piecing together that he wanted her to take it. “O–oh! Um…”

“I was at the store earlier and, I don’t know, they gave it to me for free. I guess I spent enough to get it or something. I don’t want it though, so you can have it.” Considering he hadn’t planned on any of this he was pleased with his story. It must have sounded convincing enough because she took the box with no extra prompting. “I uh, meant to give it to you earlier, but like I said… I forgot.”

“T–thank you.”

“Yeah, well,” He tucked his hands properly into his pockets now that he was able. “Goodnight.”

“G–Goodnight!” For some reason, Ninira still looked stunned. 

“Talk to you later?”

She nodded, “y–yeah.” 

Estinien watched as she turned, fumbling her way inside with her now full hands. She gave him one last glance over her shoulder before the door shut and he was left alone. He scuffed his boot in the snow, watching her door for a moment longer before tuning away to start making his own way home.

—

Ninira leaned back against her door, heart pounding in her chest, trying to catch her breath and still her nerves. The Hannish leftovers settled lightly on the ground beside her as she slowly released the death like grip she had on the bag’s handle. She was such an idiot. She couldn’t believe she’d actually thought he was going to kiss her. 

Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid!!

Of course he hadn’t! Why would he?

So caught off guard by the entire moment she hadn’t even looked at what it was he’d given her. She did so now, turning the box in her hand so she could read its lid. Chocolates. Not only was it a decently sized box but they looked like they would be good quality too. Estinien had clearly gotten a really good deal to get them for free. Intrigued, she turned the box over, hoping for a list of the types of chocolates on the rear. There was none. There was, however, a patch in the corner, the remnants of a torn off sticker, one that would have contained the barcode… and price. She ran a thumb over the spot. Give-away items were not normally priced… 

She straightened, still staring down at the box in her hands. The implications of being gifted chocolates on Valentione’s Day of all days… But she would have sworn that Estinien, of all people, would not have cared or given a damn about the holiday to begin with. Even if he for some reason did like her, surely he would be opposed to doing something so… stereotypically cheesy.

Perhaps it was all just a fluke. The store was just getting rid of old stock and had dumped it in Estinien’s lap as he had said.

Her head swam. This was all too much and she was definitely overthinking it. 

Picking up the leftovers she started up the stairs to her apartment. Despite the hot chocolate she had had earlier that evening she longed for a cup of tea. It would help clear her head and warm her up. She supposed she could also indulge in one, or maybe two, of the stupidly confusing chcolates. Regardless of the implication she wasn’t about to let the gift go to waste.

[doki-doki-imagines]

Fluff alphabet feat Tomas Vrbada

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them? Tomas likes to watch films together with his partner. Usually, he enjoys action movies that aren't too heavy on the gore side, but he will watch sappy movies too; the more cliché there are, the better it is. His kid self would cringe at the film he watches now, but Tomas grew up and embraced that side better. If you sneak a kiss in between the film, he'll gladly accept it (even if he is often the one doing the first step)

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them? Tomas is down bad. When he is in love, he can't find anything bad in his partner. Probably, he admires how you always have the right words to lift his spirit or how supportive you are. Also, Tomas appreciates your hands, for sure softer and smaller than his ones. He often finds himself kissing the palm of your hand.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.? Tomas has a steady mind. He isn't born with it, but he had to develop if you wanted to survive the Lin Kuei harsh rules. He isn't really good at supporting you during those times, but he wants you to learn the same tricks that helped him survive, so next time something bad happens, you won't feel that bad.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o? Tomas would love to retire and have a happy family. He doesn't desire fame and glory, but a quiet life with people he cherishes, possibly not too far away from Shirai Ryu tho.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive? Tomas is rather passive because he doesn't want to have arguments with his special one, but he can get stubborn on certain points and won't back down easily. In those cases, you can try to show him your view on the matter, but he often doesn't change his mind.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting? To get Tomas angry, his partner must have done something that hurt him deep. He may forgive, but for sure, he won't forget.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them? He is! Tomas reaction may be a bit over the top, so there are times when you think he is joking, but he isn't! He is just overjoyed that someone used their time to do something for him.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything? Yeah, Tomas tries to keep his job as secret as he can. Yeah, you know he is a ninja and all of that, but you'll never know anything about his missions in particular, at maximum where he is going.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems? Not change. Tomas is just more relaxed and overall happy. His partner probably learnt how to deal with dangerous situations and emotions better.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it? Tomas has extreme trust in his partner. It's all the other people that worry him! He won't say a word to you, but when the green monster eats him inside and fog his brain, one of his hand always find its place on your lower back, squeezing your hips enough to keep you close to him.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like? Good...let's say he has the right spirit! Tomas will gladly improve and mould his skill to his partner preference. That doesn't mean he always has the mind to kiss at his best. The first kiss was unexpected, a mission thay went well and a flurry of little pecks all over your face till his lips found yours; that for sure didn't turn out to be just a little peck.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o? It's all of a sudden, like when you rip the band-aid off in a single movement, plus it is at an unexpected moment, not romantic at all. Probably he brang something you both like and Tomas go "You know what else I like? You." and then just go on with his day. He is dying inside, tho, so pls tell him about your feelings; as cute as he is when blushing, it's best to avoid an aneurism.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like? Oh, Tomas would love to marry his special one. He'll totally be soft, proposing in the intimacy of your shared room. The marriage wouldn't be too extravagant, but he'd like to invite as many friends as possible.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o? Honey, darling, baby.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings? Tomas has a smile plastered on his face every time his crush gets close to him; and with close to him, I mean on the other side of the camp. He always tries to lean towards your body, just feeling the heath of your body makes his heart do triple jumps. Tomas would like to be more sneaky, but honestly, everyone knows about his crush on you; yourselves included. Better to tell him immediately how you feel about him, so he won't embarrass himself too much with his colleagues.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching? Tomas doesn't like kissing in public, but will for sure brag about his partner with others, even more if he is tipsy; Tomas just won't stop babbling about you. For sure, your relationship isn't a secret.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship. He can tell your feelings just by looking into your eyes. For sure, Tomas will understand you easier, but it also means that it's hard to keep secrets with him.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative? He likes cliché, exactly the same kinds that appear in the film you watch together. Don't expect Tomas to be creative, tho! That isn't his strong suit.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them? Absolutely yes! Not only Tomas will be really supportive, but he'll gladly give you a hand if you need more than encouraging words to reach your goal.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine? Tomas prefers routine, it is more comfortable and makes you both overall happy. Doesn't mind if you want to spice up the relationship, but you'll have to make the first step.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic? Extremely good, maybe too good, as I said before. Not too much empathetic, tho. He understands how his partner feels, but doesn't mean he will feel the same way you do.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life? Really important, but not more than Shirai Ryu. Tomas has a mission, a goal that won't let go no matter how much he loves his partner

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon. He likes to kiss your fingers, delicate butterfly ones, maybe while you're in bed together cuddling.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle? Yes, but just behind closed doors. Tomas' hands never leave your body, and his lips always find peace on your skin. Not all cuddles end up in sex, but...he wouldn't be opposed to that.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner? He likes to watch photos of you two together or just yours. It's not unusual for his head to wander in dangerous places.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of? It depends, does it hurt you or him? Then he won't do it. Will it be a danger for Shirai Ryu? Absolutely won't do it. Is it something that doesn't do any damage to his "safe paradise"? Tomas will gladly do that.

[angel-of-the-moons]

Smut Request for Marc…

Marc Spector doesn’t want you to leave the flat, and convinces you to stay by “special” means.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Convincing Argument

Marc Spector x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: NSFW, Smut, Oral (Fem receiving), hair pulling, fingering Marc being clingy

MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME

🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒🌒

He was being unusually clingy today. He would get like this sometimes, when Steven or Jake would leave him alone in control of the body.

Normally when he got like this, he'd lay across your lap, or if you were laying on your belly scrolling through your phone, he would lay across your back, his hands clasped over his belly as he napped. Sometimes he would simply wrap himself around you like you were a beloved teddy bear.

Other times... He would simply shadow you.

You could tell poor Marc didn't like to be alone, especially not when he was left to his own devices when Steven and Jake would melt away into their headspace.

But right now, you needed to go to the store to restock the groceries, and take a trip to the bank to pull out money to cover your share of the electric. And Marc... well.

He was hanging off of you, arms wrapped around your midsection from behind, locking you in a tight embrace you couldn't escape from.

"I need to go. If you want dinner tonight, Marc Spector, you will let me go." You huff, rolling your eyes at his theatrics.

"Please, baby." He groaned, exasperated as he kissed your neck.

"You're being a drama queen. If you don't want me to go, you can come with..." You offer.

"No."

Of course. Stubborn shit.

"Marc..."

"I don't want to be around other people right now, I want to be with you." He mumbled against your neck again.

"Why don't you spend time with Steven or Jake? Shoot some trivia or something?" You sigh.

"They won't answer. They said it was an "alone" day."

You pouted, brows furrowing. "So your solution is to be a human koala bear?"

"If it gets you to stay with me, yes." He says, 100% unashamed.

"Marc..."

"C'mon, babe. Hey, how about I try to convince you?"

Your turn around and crossed your arms as he lets you free, your eyebrow quirked high in skepticism.

"Plead your case..." You say, your tone dripping with irritation.

Marc grinned and crashed his lips into yours, pinning you to the front door of your flat as he delved his tongue past your lips, running along your teeth and your tongue before parting, almost too soon for your liking.

You frown at him, a cute little scrunch in your nose as you do. "Okay that might have worked, but I'm still mad."

Marc smirked and dropped to his knees in front of you, almost making you wince at how fast he went down, cringing at how his knees must be hurting thanks to the hardwood floors.

You gasped when his hands flicked your button open and unzipped the fly to your jeans, hooking his thumbs through the belt loops and curling his fingers through the waistband of your panties, yanking both articles of clothing down your thighs, placing a wet kiss to your mound, his nose tickling the short-trimmed hairs there.

You squeaked when he moved again, a man on a mission; slipping his head between your thighs, your knees now over his shoulders, still linked together by your pants and panties that couldn't have been pulled down past your boots.

You bit back a low whine when his tongue wasted no further time in curling around your clit, rolling it around as you sucked in a shaky breath, looking down at him as he used his thumb to pull back the hood of your clit just to greedily suck the little nub into his mouth.

Carefully balancing you on his shoulders, his fingers tease your hole as his tongue and thumb pushed and pulled, coaxing out some sweet nectar from the flower that is you.

Like a greedy little hummingbird so desperately trying to drink from a flower in a garden, Marc was on his knees, tongue lashing at your cunt with determined fervor as he used the pads of his fingers to spread your slick over your labia, making sure you were nice and wet.

"Oh fuck..." You whimpered, your thighs squeezing around his head as he continued to use his thumb to roll the hood of your clit back as he rutted his nose against it, his tongue joining his fingers in an attempt to spread some wetness over your core.

Marc, once he deemed your poor, puffy cunt slick enough, slipped his thick fingers inside, quickly rolling, scissoring and curling them in a way that was bringing your orgasm on fast, pressing up into your walls in tune with every stroke of his tongue on your sensitive little nub.

"Oh my gh--Marc!" You mewl loudly, your fingers shooting down to grip at his hair and tug, earning a deep and heavy groan from him, sending vibrations straight through to your clit.

He curled and thrust his fingers deeper, more feverishly as he felt your walls flutter and tighten around his fingers.

When he pushed up from inside, it added extra stimulation to your clit from within, and you simply couldn't take the sinfully fast coaxing Marc was doing to you. It was as if he knew your body better than even you did.

When you cum, you tug his hair again as you soak his mouth and chin, head thumping back against the door as you cry out his name in ecstasy.

He gave you a few teasing licks, each flick of his tongue sending bolts of lightning spreading through your body as he disentangled from you, carefully putting you back on your feet as he wiped his face clean, a nice, smug grin on his face as he looked up at you.

"Convincing enough?" He purred.

You tugged him to his feet by his hair, and hissed.

"You. Me. Bed. Now."

Ah, well, you could always order out for dinner and go to the bank tomorrow...

[madame-fear]

mmkayyyy now time for angsts 🤝

you and enzo know each other best. even after your next break-up with your most recent partner, he is the first person you call.

𐙚 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄, 𝐈𝐅 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔.ᐣ

ೀ amira speaks.ᐟ : on god,, author is self cringing at this, circus music pleaseeee 🤹‍♀️ its been months since I last wrote for Enzo, BUT i hope it was what you expected my darling babe, and that you enjoy it !! 🥺♡ ˗ˏˋ ꒰ summary : request above. ♡ ˗ˏˋ ꒰ word count : 811

˗ˏˋ ꒰ genre : hurt/comfort, slight angst, fluff, drabble. ˗ˏˋ ꒰ pairing : Enzo Vogrincic x (fem!)Reader.

All that time spent on your relationship. And what for?

All that endless love given, all the devotion you constantly offered blindly, almost tossing aside your own self merely to focus on your boyfriend— just for all of that to be thrown into a trash can so carelessly. The sweetness bought in your relationship turned into dust, slipping away from your life. It rapidly slipped away from your fingers, with each passing second.

Desperation could only linger in the present moment of your life. Desperation to get that harrowing, stinging pain in your chest to fade away. But it was easier for you to reminiscence on what it had been… On what it could have been, rather than letting go, as your now ex-partner had done. You were at the brink of losing your sanity, which currently hung from a thin, fragile thread.

Withdrawing yourself was the very first impulsive instinct overwhelming you. You were as if on a labyrinth— stuck in a constant limbo of pity, outrage, and self-loathing. Had you done something wrong to deserve this? No, you must have done something. How could those thoughts not gnaw your own head so dreadfully? It consumed you on the inside slowly.

Along the feelings of withdrawing yourself, in order to properly and fully process the event, came along the need to vent out all those built-up emotions. And who else could be better to attentively hear and comfort you, other than Enzo? The one and only who knew you best, as you knew him better than anyone else did.

And that was exactly what you had done as soon as you could free yourself from the brief shock of the situation— call for him. Whenever you called, he went to wherever you went, for whatever you needed.

“Ay, chiquita.” his voice softly muttered, noticing the state you were in. Good thing he always managed to visit you at home as quickly as possible. You could barely tolerate another second being alone, slowly drowned by sorrow. His mere presence already brought comfort, and all you could do at the moment, was lift your sight to stare at him with an almost pleading look in your eyes. “Come here,”

It only a took a second for Enzo to widely open his arms invitingly, and wrap them around your body rather tightly— allowing you to unconsciously throw yourself at him, embracing him back as firmly as you could. Your head rested against his chest gently, feeling as if all the emotions that had grown inside of you were beginning to be spilled out. It didn’t matter anymore if you allowed your tears to escape in front of him, not in such a disappointing moment.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled weakly, faintly beginning to sob. You couldn’t help but think at the moment, just how silly your reason to cry was— but it really wasn’t, much less for him, who was willing to be your emotional support whenever you needed it. The warmth of his arms engulfed you tightly, pressing you against him.

The embrace was accompanied by a small little peck being placed on top of your head, his lips lingering on the spot for a few seconds before pulling apart slowly. “Why are you apologising?” you heard him asking, being very gently rocked to the sides with a soft movement. “You weren’t properly appreciated by someone you genuinely loved.” he continued, “You have all the rights in the world to feel sad, even upset.”

A weak smile quivered on the corner of your lips helplessly, a wave of comfort washed over the angsty emotions overwhelming you. This man knew exactly what to say to make you feel better. You even dared to say that not words weren’t always needed for him to be able to comfort you, but simply his mere presence.

“He didn’t deserve you, forget about him. You only bring the purest sweetness and love— a little piece of light amidst darkness.” a small scoff spurred from you, sniffing all the escaping tears away. “Thank you, but you only say that because you do love and care for me.” you joked, being answered back with another scoff. The sadness that had been lingering in the atmosphere managed to fade away leisurely.

“You’re right, but I also mean it. You don’t deserve any less of what you give.” the Uruguayan man retorted softly, placing his chin on top of your head. There was no denying that you were a special sweet little person in his life— how could he not constantly show it to you? It never mattered if you had to be reminded a thousand times of how much you were appreciated by him, he would still do it.

“I promise, I will always reciprocate all the affection you give. And I’ll show you, just how loved you are by me.”

◞ ꙳ ๋࣭ ⭑ ` taglist .ᐟ

@luceracastro @castawaycherry @creative-heart @cyliarys-starlight @deepinsideyourbeing @chiquititamia @koiibiito @lastflowrr

[matchibee]

Say My Name

short but I intend on adding more. this is more of an intro, if anything. an idea that's been stuck in my head and refusing to leave.

"Hey! Wait up!"

Gojo's voice pierced your eardrums, invading every sense of reason permeating through your mind. It was meant to be a simple day, spending time training with your students, teaching them feats you'd wished you'd learned in your youth -- Gojo unfortunately one of your previous classmates, the pair of you attached to the hip following such trying times.

Well, he was attached to your hip. You simply carried forward, doing your best to break free of his infatuation, to push unprofessional thoughts aside in the pursuit of your career.

"Gojo." You spoke his surname with a huff of breath, closing your book shut, looking up at him with an impassive expression. "I didn't realize you'd be back so soon."

In truth you felt relief was over you, the impossible thoughts that plagued your mind in the dead of the night leaving you awake with anxiety. He had a tendency to forego contact when on a mission, entirely MIA despite any effort of reaching out. Eventually, you'd had to come to terms with the fact he wouldn't return your texts and calls until he'd concluded his task.

It only made your anxiety worse.

He embraced you around your shoulders, squeezing tightly. "You know it's impossible for me to stay away from you for long. How can I leave my darling friend to lie awake in our bed? I can only imagine the torment you must feel when I'm away!"

You roll your eyes at his words, pressing the hardcover of your book against his chest, creating a distance between the two of you. "Our rooms are separate."

"I can change that."

You pushed him away with an immense amount of force, his body fumbling beneath your touch.

He always allowed his infinity to falter around you, craving your touch. To feel you in your entirety, nothing to disrupt your warmth. It didn't matter how fleeting the touch; how long it remained was not a matter for him.

What mattered was that it was you.

"Gojo, I really can't talk right now." You huffed, looking down at your watch, cringing at the time. As it was you were already on track to be late, and with your friend's most recent interruption, it wouldn't be long until that was set in stone. "I promised the First-Years I'd train them, you know how Itadori gets when--"

"Why do you call me that?"

Gojo's lips were a pouty mess, shimmering with that gloss you knew for a fact he'd slather on his lips when nobody was looking.

"Call you what?"

"Gojo. Why do you call me Gojo?"

"That's your name."

By now he'd given you infinite permissions to forego his surname, to call him by that which was given. Satoru. Forever and always your Satoru, a fact he knew in his heart, even if memories previous to you would flood his mind in the dead of the night.

"Not to you." Gojo tutted, snatching your book from between your fingers, holding it high above his head. "You know what you have to say if you want this back."

You crossed your arms over your chest. "I don't have time for this."

"That's not what you said last night." He lifted his bandana, iceberg eye closing into a wink.

"Last night you weren't even here!"

There were moments where you couldn't help if Gojo's words made your heart skip a beat, if you imagined him with his arms wrapped around you in the late hours of the night, praying the mornings wouldn't strip him away from you for yet another mission. In such little time you'd lost so much, forced to grieve friends you believed would persist alongside you to this day.

Geto was supposed to be a teacher alongside you, but he'd lost his way, and in the process you lost everything you'd ever loved -- a friendship forged in admiration, undying love flowing from each and every one of you. Shoko had become distant, and you couldn't blame her, though you did your best to remind her through thick and thin you'd still remain.

Gojo was more complicated, more vocal in his efforts. For all he was worth you could only see what he lacked. What he lacked was the spark he had in Geto's presence, that affinity for life lost alongside his best friend.

It wasn't fair.

You couldn't lose him too, couldn't stand to watch another person you love lost to their mind, lost to death. You'd buried too many friends for one lifetime, that which remained would stay as it was in an effort to conserve its integrity.

"Y'know," Gojo's voice dipped into a whisper, book slowly faltering from its position above his head. "Everything I've ever said, all the things I've done..."

You snapped your fingers, clicking your tongue. "Gojo, stop."

"Satoru."

"There can't be anything between us, not the way you want it to be."

"You always say this," You could tell Gojo was approaching a breaking point. Soon the force you pushed up against him, that impossible wall you built, would have to crumble or risk crumbling him. "But you've never given me a proper explanation as to why."

"You know why." In the midst of his vulnerability you'd taken the opportunity to snatch your book from between his fingers, holding it close to you as you tried to push the sensation of fingers brushing out of your mind.

You pushed away how badly you yearned for more.

"I know you're scared," Gojo's voice cracked as though his mind and body had fought for the right to speak, lost in his delusion. "You've made that much clear. But you don't have to be, not with me! I'm the strongest, you have nothing to fear."

You shook your head, brushing stray hairs from in front of your face, entirely exhausted from just a moment's interaction. "It's inappropriate for us to even dance the line of the idea that we could..." Your voice trailed off, Gojo quick to finish your sentence, to appear in front of you in his majesty, palms clasped around your wrists.

"That we could be together?"

You pulled away, shaking your head, the thoughts that ran rampant within them. Your heart was beating a million miles a second, threatening to burst within your chest, and your stomach burned with butterflies fluttering to their own beat.

"You're just a friend, Gojo. You've always been a friend, the best friend."

"That's not enough for me."

"There's nothing I can do to change that."

[eris-snow]

𝐍𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟑: 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

Tags:7 reasons why I love you, shoto x fem!reader, angst, fluff

You’re a snowflake to him. It’s a personality that has entranced him the moment the both of you met

Shoto met often with you that month. One week soon turned into two, and by the end of November, it became common practice for you to meet him for a meal at least once a day. People talked, that’s for sure. Shoto had been very careful not to let anyone near him, so to see you with your picnic basket greeting him after one of his lessons or duties concocted rumours that spread like wildfire.

“Look at you.”

Shoto glanced up, resisting the urge to let his arms down as the maids continued to take his measurements. “Princess Y/n.”

You cringed a little at being referred to so formally, but you bowed your head a little as you replied to his greeting. “Prince Shoto.”

You were standing there in a flowy long-sleeved dress, picnic basket in hand as you looked at him with a soft smile.

Your eyes said a different story.

Shoto could tell that you were holding back your laughter, as the both of you had an audience.

“Should we lead her out, Your Highness?” A guard by his doorway said stiffly, already moving to guide you outside.

“There’s no need,” He said quickly as his servants attached his epaulettes to his shoulders, holding him fast in place. “I don’t mind a visitor.”

You paid the guard no mind, still studying him with judging eyes that made Shoto feel just the slightest bit embarrassed.

“It’s for my coronation,” He explained. “The seamstress has a couple of adjustments she wants to make, to give me time to grow into it.”

“Blue is your colour.” you noticed, eyes wandering until they met his own. “You look good.”

The maids finally pulled away from him, taking away a small level of discomfort as he was free to put his hands down and step down from the platform.

Even in the cold winter, he could feel the heat building up under the thick layers he was wearing.

Shoto walked towards you, reaching out a hand for the picnic basket. You swiped it back, cheekily, shaking your head. “We will eat after your fitting,” You promised. “You’re almost done, aren’t you?”

Shoto’s eyes turned pleading. No one might have detected it, but he had been feeling rather hungry ever since he skipped lunch due to his tight schedule. “Just one peek?” Shoto asked, hope blossoming in his voice. You must have picked up on his desperation because you relented after a short exchange of glances.

“You’ve been everywhere as of late,” You sighed, opening up the basket. “And I didn’t see you at lunch, so I brought something a little more substantial.” You brought out a wooden box, removing the lid to reveal soba noodles packed in it. “The broth is here as well, so I suggest you bring water on your way to our usual meeting spot.”

Elation, Shoto realised, is the feeling of your heart soaring at the speed of sound. It’s weightless and effortless, with a rush of excitement all tied up neatly into one word.

“Your Highness?” His servants called. He has to go back now, to complete his fitting so he can go eat with you, but…

All he wanted to do at that moment was take you into his embrace for thinking about him and his preferences.

“Wait for me?” He invited, still feeling stiff in his formal wear but dazed at the sudden flurry of emotion.

You looked up at him, giving him another breathtaking smile.

“However long it takes.”

—

“Food. Now.” Shoto demanded the moment you reached the pavilion.

It was getting colder as you descended into the winter, but with the lavish coats and long-sleeved shirts he was meant to wear, the discomfort was barely felt as you took your seat across from him.

You looked rather comfy with your silk gloves and your novella shawl. Your head barely peeked out the hood as you sat down at the table, giving him the basket so that he could dig up his hard-earned meal.

“Give it a second, Your Highness, or you’ll spill the broth.” You huffed.

“If you refuse to lay off with that nickname, Princess, then I’ll continue to call you as such,” He grumbled, prying the lid off as he dug into his meal. Man, he was starving.

You shivered at the nickname. “Point taken. How’s your soba?”

“Heavenly.”

“You deserve it. I’m horrified they left you famished.” You scoffed, before taking out your own set of cutlery.

Shoto paid no mind, devouring his meal as fast as he could like it was his last supper before he died.

Suddenly, he heard a giggle escape from you. Curiously, he looked up, and it only caused your giggle to spiral into fits of uncontrollable laughter. He frowned, laying his chopsticks down as he looked at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“What is it?”

You soothed your hearty snickering, wiping a tear away. “It’s just,” You inhaled, a smile stretching impossibly wide on your face. “Your coronation outfit…you appeared so awkward in it! And your expression, oh, Sho…!” You break off, still sniggering away.

It was shameful that the only emotion he felt to your comment was petty denial.

“I did not.” He protested. “It was stiff.”

“You were stiff.” You corrected, staring at him in the eyes seriously. “I’ve seen pigeons more gutsy than you.”

“Only you would compare me to a bird,” Shoto grumbled, stabbing his noodles with his chopsticks. “I should wonder why we grew close when you fire insults at me left and right—”

“Try relaxing your shoulders a little.” You ignored promptly. “Look forward, and be aware of your surroundings. You look like a sheep that lost its herd. Everything about your stance is perfect apart from your aura. Fix that, and you’ll be able to command attention better.”

Shoto paused his refute, blinking owlishly at your advice. That…was actually useful.

You ploughed on, completely sincere. “Exude confidence. I’ve seen you do it before, countless of times with me.” You ranted. “If you could bring out that same—” You stop short, realising your words. “Wait, no-forget I said that—”

“Refresh my memory as to when,” Shoto raised an eyebrow, a small smile tugging at his lips. To see you flustered is a rare sight, so any chance he got, he’d derail the conversation just to make you blush.

You, however, never made it easy.

“Numerous of occasions.” You replied smoothly. “Like that time you introduced me to that frozen lake you used to skate on when you were little. You made sure I never fell the entire time we were on the ice.”

Shoto leaned in closer, smile growing wider now. “So the time when the wild—”

“We have mutually agreed to never speak of the snow monkeys incident, Sho.” You shuddered. “They scared the living daylights out of me.”

Shoto quirked an eyebrow. “Sho?”

“As you have banned me from using your royal titles, my options are pretty limited, so excuse me if I have to work with what I have.” You bit back. “But I was grateful. That you were there, I mean. If you hadn’t drawn your sword and stalled for time, I think I would have had more than my fruit basket stolen from me.”

“I take back what I said. I fully appreciate our friendship.” Shoto sighed, pleased with himself.

“You’re insufferable.”

“And you’re as unique as they come…” He paused, watching a small snowflake flutter down on your hair. His lips formed the word almost immediately.

“…Snowflake.”

You blinked at him. “Snowflake?”

“Doesn’t it fit you?” He said, watching the snow from outside the pavilion shelter fall. “Your striking personality is a refreshing breath of fresh air, complicated and intricate just like one, don’t you think?”

Your eyes dart away, just like they always do when you’re nervous or embarrassed.

“You really are crazy about metaphors. I thought I was a tulip?” You demanded. “I’ve been taking care of the one you gave me weeks ago. I’m surprised it’s still alive.”

Shoto laughed, feeling the lightest he’d felt in years as he replied with a genuine, contented smile.

“Why can’t you be both?”

[blood-bound]

VtM Fangfest 2024 Prompt 2: The Magician

Hello! Here is my second fic for Fangfest 2024 :)

All my fics will be about characters that are previously established, so you might not have context for everything mentioned or hinted at within :( Feel free to reach out to ask I love explaining!

I've never really posted my writing before so be kind!

my previous fic is here

This fic is about a Tremere from Mark's game named Gaius. This time I'll let the fic speak for itself.

Gaius forced his smile to come out as a scowl. Julius was getting a new childe? His arrogance never surprised him. Did he really think a fledgling would help him now? Whichever poor fool he selected would only be another weak point to exploit. 

The ghoul, whatever his name was, cringed at Gaius’s expression, but to his credit continued his message without hesitation. “As both primogen and regent of Detroit, in which this new fledgling is to be embraced, this is your official notice. As Julius’s statio-” 

Gaius cut him off. “Yes, yes, my permission is unneeded and not sought, he supersedes me, if I have concerns bring them up next I report, I know, I know.” He waved his hand, shooing the ghoul out. “I saw the email come through with the details as you were speaking. You are no longer needed. Begone.” 

“Yes, Regent.” Giving a salute, the ghoul was off, back to Elysium. 

Leaning back in his desk chair, Gaius scrolled through the email. The soon-to-be-fledgling was named Mark. This was one of the ones that Gaius already had been monitoring, as he knew Julius was considering him for the embrace, but he was still surprised. Based on his own intel, this one certainly wouldn’t have been his first choice for a new childe - he was likely chosen to be underestimated. Mark had a basic education - a PhD in Roman History, and was certainly prolific in his field, but no prodigy. He had studied the occult from a historical lens only, and had no strong connections in any mortal institutions. No martial skill to speak of. 

Gaius, alone now, truly smiled. There was no need to be concerned with over or under-estimating this one, for he would become his tool, in the end. 

The email indicated that Mark was to be temporarily placed under his care, along with some other new fledglings, in 5 nights time, as Julius was busy. Julius had also emailed him directly, ordering him to prepare Mark’s apartment for his return. 

Now he did scowl. This was a direct insult, showing off the power he had over Gaius. 

But such a petty request was not worth his energy to fight. Arrangements must be made. Besides, even cleaning an apartment could present opportunities.  

~

Directly outside the bars of Mark’s cell, Gaius sets his feet on a table, getting comfortable. Tonight, he’s not wearing Tremere robes, but tan clothes, with long black boots, somewhat reminiscent of a prison warden from decades ago. 

Other new kindred were to be shipped off to Elysium tonight after being held in the chantry. He figured Mark would fit right in with them - no reason to give him a warmer welcome than the others. If Julius wanted him to personally bring him in… fine. A prison suited him well. 

Gaius, a chronic user of rituals to give him more hours of consciousness, waited for Mark to leave daysleep. Finally seeing him stir, he leers at Mark. “Finally up? Have a nice nap?” Mark looked at him, surprised, and reached for glasses he surely didn’t need any longer. “You sure screwed that one up.” Gaius couldn’t believe this idiot had already broken the masquerade, in such a spectacular way that Julius hadn’t been able to hide it from him.

He couldn’t even consider Mark’s screwup a good thing; he needed Mark to stick around and do well. If Mark became too easy of a target, Gaius would be forced to take advantage, perhaps even punishing him with final death, to avoid making Julius suspicious. Or, Julius himself would tire of Mark and replace him. It wouldn’t do for him to be discarded for something as simple as a masquerade breach. 

Perhaps Mark thought himself untouchable. Gaius smirked to himself - he should be able to cure him of that tonight. 

Mark looked miserable already, and hesitated before replying. “Look, I, I don’t remember much of what happened. Do you know why I’m here?” 

Gaius continues staring at him, stroking his lower lip with his thumb, holding his beard. “You tell me!” he says, grinning. He knows damn well Mark remembers almost killing that college kid - this wasn’t his first frenzy. 

“I’m serious, I think I’m having a psychotic episode or something.” Mark holds his hand against his forehead, truly making a show of trying to remember.  

Oh please. Gaius leans his chair back as he replies “You’re either lying to me, or yourself, or both. Either way, you’re full of shit.”

Mark fidgets with his glasses. “Look, what happened to me wasn’t normal. But I… I get a phone call right? Can I please have my phone call?” 

Gaius laughs for a good five seconds, bitterly and caustic. “A phone call. Right. You’re definitely lying to yourself here. See, the thing with you new fledglings is, usually if you break the masquerade, you die. But you get to be special.” As he speaks, he slits his arm, down the vein. Blood drips onto the floor, and Mark can’t help but stare at it.

He continues. “Yes, it's blood. You can keep staring, that’s fine. So, the thing is, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to spend time on you tonight. Or any night. But you know how it is – I owe a guy, who owes a guy. So I’m going to…. help you out.” He lowers his gaze and smirks. 

Mark is hardly paying attention. The blood dripping down Gaius's arm is clearly occupying his focus. Gaius knows Mark must be hungry; to him, the blood should be hypnotic.

Gaius rolls his eyes and stares at the ceiling as he continues, knowing Mark is only half listening. “But the masquerade, it’s fundamental. If you wanna last at all, you better learn it. Doesn’t matter how hungry you get, don’t pull that again.”

Looking directly at Mark, staring with unblinking eyes, he speaks simply. “I don’t like you.” A pause. “See, if it was up to me, you’d be on a dinner plate.”

At that, Mark looks back at him instead of the pool of blood and shuffles uncomfortably. That did the trick. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. H-how long have I been here?”

Too long.

Gaius decides it's time to stop taunting the fledgling. He contorts and lengthens his nail, dipping it in the blood he spilled. “Doesn’t matter, you won’t be here much longer.” Using the bloody nail, he signs a paper sitting on his desk; official release of Mark to the Keeper of Elysium tomorrow evening, passing responsibility along to him. Damn Camarilla paperwork.

“What was that?” 

“Your requisition order. Now, like I said, I have to help you out, but not for much longer, thank god. So… If you need anything, like… hmm, food, water, toilet paper…” He pauses after each item, enjoying his joke. “Go ahead and press that button in your cell. On the back wall there. I’ll have to come back; and if I do, it’d better be for a good reason. See you around.”

Before Mark can reply, he dissolves into shadow.

~

Back to his lab; time to finish his notes. 

Gaius, being not only an elder but one of the first mages of house Tremere to be embraced, had developed many thaumaturgical rituals and was privy to many secrets. Video Nefas was only one example; this now archaic and forbidden path of sorcery could rip memories from a victim's mind and peer into souls. 

However, Gaius mostly used it to keep track of his own progress and plans. 

Speaking aloud in his personal haven, he summarized what was left to do. 

 “December 30, 1999. There are approximately 9 lunar cycles remaining until the cosmos are in their proper alignments for the ritual. 

Lucius continues to grow in occult knowledge and takes well to his studies. Smart kiddo. Divination of his fate continues to be uncertain, but the timing of disturbances in the readings align with when the ritual should occur, which I take as a promising sign. I… I must continue to push him to be a suitable, erm, to be suitable, for Alexander.”

Gaius frowned in silence for a moment before continuing. 

“The text I arranged for him to read next should be available to me next week. He will have to learn Latin to read it, thus serving a dual purpose. 

Moving on. The collection of quintessence from Sparky continues at its slow rate. Current predictions indicate we will reach our goal with a month's time to spare. Bobbie, needy as ever, has said she needs more ghouls to assist in its protection, which I have assured her I will help provide. 

Julius has acquired a new childe that he clearly intends on being a spy. Based on previous intel, this selection is slightly ahead of schedule, I am unsure of why but it will likely play to my advantage. 

No idea why he picked this guy, but anyway. Personal effects of the fledgling were acquired for future scrying and rituals from his apartment. He will soon become directly under my influence once Kyle makes contact with him. Lucius may also meet him. Memory spheres have been arranged in my laboratory intended to make the fledgling open to allying with me against Julius, for when he inevitably attempts a break-in. In my assessment he is not a crucial asset, easily handled should he prove incompetent or overly loyal to Julius, but could regardless be useful.  

Moving on to more important matters, the coup is tomorrow.  I’ll finally be free of the fool Hookman. Soon-to-be-Prince Akikaos has committed to requiring half as many resources from me as Hookman did, allowing me to finish experiments and preparations in time for the ritual with plenty of time to spare. Assuming the coup is successful, I now should also be able to maintain my responsibilities as Regent until the time comes. If it is not, I shall submit my notice of resignation as soon as possible. 

Next week, again assuming the coup succeeds, I will be expected at the crowning of this new Prince, and I have also promised Lucius I would go to some sort of amusement park with him. A welcome break. For him and for me.”  

As he spoke, Gaius sketched out a complicated sigil outline on parchment. He paused his writing, reaching for a metallic sphere. 

There were hundreds of them in his haven, on shelves embedded into the walls. Gaius had even more in storage. Some glowed gently, others were dim like the one he had just selected. 

Doing nothing but focusing his vitae in the proper ways, Gaius replayed what he had just said in his mind, wrenching it forward, and outward, copying it into the sphere. 

It was automatic; a reflex. He had done it thousands of times before. 

Now, should he wish to remember, he merely had to retrieve this sphere. He placed it in its proper place on the shelf, joining hundreds of others. 

The records of the final stages of his plot, over a millennia in the making. 

Julius would die.

His son Alexander would return to the world of the living.

He could leave kindred society behind. 

Everything he had worked for would reach its conclusion. 

[nonhumanhottie]

And, lover, be good to me

Finnpoe one shot. 700 words. Kisses and fluff. AO3 link ~~~ Poe is up late and Finn needs to wrangle him to bed

There’s always work to do, and Poe doesn’t know how to do things in moderation.

It’s well into the night cycle, and the command centre is near-empty. Poe is at a terminal, reading reconnaissance reports on First Order-controlled systems in the Outer Rim. Despite the crushed leadership, the remaining officers hold on tight. Poe pours over the data, examining strategies to free these systems (and then also prevent them from falling into the hands of Outer Rim crime syndicates).

It’s never-ending. Poe’s eyes burn and he stops every few minutes to roughly rub his face. He could delegate this role to someone else; he trusts the command team. But if he wasn’t working on this, he’d be throwing himself into something else. He can’t sleep. There are ghosts in his room and echoes in the hallways. Victory was a fleeting sensation, and the adrenaline has long since worn off.

He keeps reading, bouncing one leg to keep himself awake. He considers stims, but that’s a habit he was proud to break; he can’t get caught up in that again.

Someone approaches the terminal. Poe’s stomach curls. At this hour, it must be someone presenting bad news. It’s always bad news.

He turns and Finn is standing there, holding a mug. ‘Oh, man, it’s worse than I thought,’ he says. ‘You look terrible.’

Poe wants to laugh, but it catches in his throat. He coughs. ‘I’m fine.’ He rubs his face again. ‘I mean, I’m not. But, you know.’

‘I have caf,’ Finn says, offering the mug. ‘I still don’t know how you like it, and unsweetened, too.’

Poe waves his hand vaguely. ‘Yeah, thanks, uh, just put it on the desk.’

Finn does so. ‘The caf is only for if I fail to convince you to go to bed.’

‘How’re you gonna do that?’ Poe asks, swallowing a yawn. He can’t prove Finn’s point for him.

‘For starters, sleep is important. Especially for a pilot.’

Poe snorts and returns to the screen. ‘You kidding? I’d kill to be in my ship right now.’

‘No one is stopping you.’

‘I’m stopping me.’ Poe holds up his hand. ‘Which isn’t a good reason, I know. Sleeping comes hard, though. I just. I just gotta keep going.’

‘I thought the point of making me your co-general was so you didn’t have to do this alone.’

Poe’s head jerks up. Finn isn’t upset; in fact, he’s smiling, patient and knowing. Still, Poe cringes and drags his hands down his cheeks. ‘I’m not. I wasn’t trying to—’

Finn leans down and kisses him. It’s very abrupt and more forward than Poe expected. It’s a little awkward but warm and comforting. Poe falls into it, and sighs, weary, wanting. He’s glad Finn initiates kisses now, a sign that the constraint of the First Order had forever washed away. A sign that Finn belongs right here with Poe, with the Resistance.

It’s exhausting work to clean up a galaxy so fractured and Poe doesn’t think he’s going to get a good night’s sleep for a long, long time. But Finn is beside him, his co-general. Finn grew into a leader, selfless and level-headed, the traits Leia was trying to guide out of Poe. Hell, Finn is probably a better leader than him, and he understands moderation.

With some exceptions. When Poe responds to the kiss by opening his mouth and touching Finn’s arm, Finn doubles his efforts. His tongue prods, pushes past Poe’s lips and he cups Poe’s cheeks. The worry melts away, for now, and Poe touches Finn’s waist. He chases Finn’s mouth until they’re both standing, pressed together, panting. For a brief moment, the galaxy is very small and very warm.

They pull apart, but not too far. Finn noses at his cheek, embraces him gently. ‘How do you feel?’

‘Like I just kissed a beautiful guy.’

Finn chuckles quietly. ‘The feeling is mutual, pal.’ He gestures his chin at the desk. ‘You gonna drink the caf I graciously made you?’

‘Unless you’re gonna offer me something better?’

‘Right this way,’ Finn says, nudging Poe’s lower back.

Poe follows, arm around Finn, and allows himself to enjoy this small, warm part of the galaxy.

[d4vynn]

Hi, I couldn't find whether u take requests or not so I'm gonna go ahead and ask for kazuha x insecure reader where she's flat and doesn't feel beautiful and good enough for him. I really need comfort but feel free to ignore this. Hope ur having a good day night.

I’m really sorry anon for being late, I’ve been doing college stuff and whatnot so I haven’t really had the chance to work on anything. You’re my first ask and I hope this is to your liking, hope you have an even better day/night

In the mirror, your face stares back- distorted and unfamiliar. The mirror only blinks back in tandem with your movements, and your heart sinks as you catch onto every flaw- every imperfection that mars your appearance.

“Dove?” 

Strong arms wrap around your waist from behind, followed by a warmth pressed against your back. The sweet scent of maple and the sea follows. “The sky is clear, but it seems like there’s a storm cloud in your heart-” he peers over your shoulder with concern swirling in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

He meets your gaze in the mirror, temporarily distracting you from your pondering with his adoration-filled stare. His white hair tickles your neck’s bare skin as he nuzzle into your warmth. A moment of silence passes until you realize he asked you a question.  

The hesitation on your face must have been obvious, for Kazuha sighs and loosens his embrace ever-so-slightly. “If you’re not comfortable sharing, that’s fine too.” The ever-considerate nature of his only causes the claws of inferiority to sink into your heart. 

“No, that’s not...” You cringe at your voice, avoiding his gaze. Gently, he directs you away to the mirror and back to the bed. The bedframe creaks as you both sit. His hand rests over yours, rubbing slow circles into your skin.

“Kazuha,” you whisper, a wobbly voice betraying your inner emotions. “Are you happy with me?”

The silence is gut-wrenching, and suddenly you want to run away and never look back. But your mouth runs faster than your brain can catch up. “It’s just- why do you stay with someone like me? I’m not that special, and I’m sure you can find someone better-”

“Stop right there.” His hands squish your cheeks, and you stiffen when he meets your eyes. His distress is evident, and the twitch of his brow nearly breaks the rest of your fragile composure. “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you say such preposterous things.”

Delicately he swipes the pad of his finger beneath your eye. It comes back wet, and you finally realize you’re crying. “No words can describe how beautiful you are. If someone told you otherwise, they are a fool that cannot see past their egos.”

“You’re just saying that.” A frown tugs at your lips, but he leans in to kiss the corners. Again and again, he kisses your tear-soaked face. 

From the corners of your lips to your cheeks, Kazuha’s light kisses travel across your skin. In his hands, he holds your heart. Gently, he cradles you like the most fragile of glasses. 

“Do you doubt me?” He hums absentmindedly, too absorbed in his affections to notice that the tears have stopped- leaving only your tickled laughter in its place. “I love you; I love you so much.”

[hoes4lino]

• you tell skz that you like all of them •

[I was scrolling through tiktok and saw this so I wanted to say my thoughts on it]

⇝ Channie ⇜

I feel that his answer to your confession would be something like “Babe, are you sure about your feelings, you should reconsider them and think whether is a platonic crush or a non platonic” I feel like he would try to make y/n rethink her feelings so things don’t end up messy and ruins y/n friendship with skz, I think he would also be the jealous type that would like you all for himself, but won’t show it cause he is afraid your feelings are platonic.

⇝ Minho ⇜

he would deadass corner you and force you to make eye contact. “so you got feelings for all of us?” he tilts his head and gets even closer “does that mean you feel something when Im this close to you” he would chuckle as he breathes on your neck “sorry honey but the kids are already mine, I have seen it all” he would set you free and walk off laughing, I believe that he is the type to tease you, trying to force your feelings to grow harder on him and make himself the center of your attention.

⇝ Changbin ⇜

I believe changbin is a pretty straightforward guy, anything he wants he gets it, he wants you, he will get you. “So you like ALL of us?” he would emphasize the word “am I not enough for you? Im pretty sure Im an all rounder, forget the rest try out something real with me” he would say as he lets you touch his build up body, making you chuckle at his attempt of getting you.

⇝ Hyunjin ⇜

He would straight up judge you. “YOU LIKE ALL OF US?! LIKE ALL?! EVEN LEEKNOW HYUNG? you got a degrading kink or something?” he would say in his dramatic voice as his eyes grow wide “girl you got some issues but maybe I can fix you” his dramatic tone would change into a flirty tone and his eyes would darken “if you ever need someone good at moving remember Im one of the best dancers out there” he would wink at you as he leaves the room cringing over everything he said and wishing he could bang his head on a wall.

⇝ Jisung ⇜

Jisung would be the shy type of person when someone confesses to them. “wait so basically you like me? I- um do you want to hangout while I compose this new lyrics?” he would sutil offer you hangout so he would have more time with you, making your relationship with him more comfortable and easy going, he would believe this way he would win you against the other members cause after all whats a relationship if you ain’t comfortable.

⇝ Felix ⇜

Felix would def have a mental breakdown as soon as he hears your big confession, the man always put others first, so he would think about his members feelings towards you instead of his own feelings “so you like all of us? wow I- I dont know what to say, would you eventually pick one to date?” he would say in a frustrated voice as he wants you to pick him “I mean the members have all nice different personalities, so you def must like one more” he would say as you hug him feeling his overwhelmed feelings take over him “don’t worry lix, I would never pick between you guys, I love you so much to do that” your words would bring him peace and he would eventually hug you back.

⇝ Seungmin ⇜

Same as Hyunjin Im 100% he would straight up judge you but unlike Hyunjin he wouldn’t try to make moves on you, instead he would keep his cool persona and pretend like he doesn’t care at all. “Lmfao imagine having a crush on 8 person’s at once” he would laugh “y/n are you ok? Who hurted you that you developed so many issues” he would pat your back and you embrace him into a hug his heart skipping a beat “shit” he would mumble under his breathe.

⇝ Jeongin ⇜

Finally we got the maknae Yang mf Jeongin, many people might think that he is the innocent type of guy just cause he is the youngest in skz but ma’am let me tell you that you are wrong, this mf would straight up tease the hell out of you “all of us huh?” a smirk would form on his face “so do like fantasize with all of us at once?” “I dont think u could handle a whole ass 8 squadron, remember we got all rounders in this group” he would keep spilling nothing but nonsense lustful stuff, loving the way your cheeks go red and redder “If I shut up would you take me to the ice cream shop, I want to take a glimpse at you eating a popsicle” you would eventually lose it and scold the living shit out of him “is it a good time to tell you I have a degrading kink?”

⇝ All Together ⇜

Its been a week since you confessed your feelings to skz and even though they say they won’t fight each other to get you they do it secretly, Chan often sending you thirst traps and supporting texts, leeknow sending you teasing texts and photos (he knows damn well what he is doing), changbin often flexing his muscles knowing damn well you wont resist, Hyunjin lustful / romantic paintings sending you over the edge, jisung love songs making your heart feel warm, felix constantly cuddling you every time he gets the chance, seungmin always roasting you but spoiling you with food and gifts, Jeongin sending teasing pictures and openly talking about you… at this rate you cant pick they are all just too perfect for you.

[sickfires]

How do you maintain the delusion of being in 2012? Asking because I really need- I mean, "want" it myself.

buckle up, i'm about to break down the secret internal rules of 2012 for you, real smooth style. so smooth a little baby can swallow it down. here's some browsing music. or some more browsing music. yes they have to be the music videos.

BE UNAPOLOGETIC. do you really think anyone in 2012 on this website felt shame. this was years before internet drama culture started to really pick up (around 2014-2015) and before shipping drama apart from fandom infighting was even a twinkle in your mother's beautiful green eyes. go back to your roots. embrace the weird, embrace the ugly, embrace the cringe. yes, even that cringe. yep, that too. detach yourself from the concept of cringe entirely. e

BE KIND OF INSANE. the other side of the be unapologetic coin. to be unapologetic you have to stare into the eyes of the wild mustang that lives in your soul and come to terms with it's fighting passionate spirit. if that means going somewhere in public in full homestuck cosplay and LARPing with best buy employees, then that is what you must do. society's idea of what's right and wrong isn't real. you make the rules now. you're free.

CURATE YOUR ONLINE EXPERIENCE. this one is pretty self-explanatory, but blocking anyone you just don't want to see isn't a crime and should be done liberally and with great pleasure and gusto. you are your own web-ring. manage it with tender loving care.

i'm sure there's more but you get the gist. i have some stuff for you though, in a little goodie bag. here.

you're a homestuck fan. download pesterchum, it still works just like it did back in the day. hell, make some sprite edits, or read the comic from the very beginning, just like it was yesterday, the way it was meant to be read. there's even a working replica of the mspa forums.

if you want to take it even further, code your own website on neocities. maybe a little earlier than 2012, but there were and still are plenty floating around- and it's fun to flex those creative muscles. here's a more indepth guide. miss flash games? flashpoint has got your back. there are a ton more cool things to find- you just have to look! also delete tiktok. and twitter, if you can. you deserve better.

TL;DR: sparkle on, it's 2012! don't forget to be yourself!

[daydreamingwithcomfortcharacters]

Dandelions

Stephanie Brown x Fem Reader

Summary: Exiting you’re favourite shop you bump into the woman of you’re dreams unfortunately you don’t get the chance to ask for her number. Will you ever see her again?

Word count: 3142

Warnings: Reader is purposely awkward and cringe other than that It’s just pure fluff.

Inspiration: This story was inspired by a game/Story called There’s this girl if you haven’t check it out you should I think it’s really cute.

A/N: While I’m working on Someone To Stay P.2 I thought I’d post an old Wattpad story of mine I still plan to continue but I lost a bit of inspiration of it. Hope you like it I have a soft spot for this story ☺️

Sorry for any grammatical or writing errors I hope to edit again some time in the future!

It was a Autumn Afternoon. leaves of orange, brown and yellow dancing and twirling in the sky if in celebration of the new season, You’d had just exited you’re favourite shop with a smile that went from ear to ear on your face.

“Thank you!” You wave goodbye to the shop owner with a quick spring in your step to make it home. You had just bought a new CD of you’re favourite Artist, though you have the songs already on your phone you couldn’t help but also have a solid version with the bonus of you get a free pin of said artist with purchase, so in your eyes it was a good buy.

You rummage though you’re already full of random pins satchel in search for you’re headphones, once finding them and untangling them you press play on your phone listening to whatever song that came up.

And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime

And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine

'Cause I'm in a field of dandelions

Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine

And I see forever in your eyes

I feel okay when I see you smile, smile

You close your eyes sinking into your own little world. though, that must not be the smartest thing while walking on a very public sidewalk. You inevitably bump into a solid figure, your eyes jerk open, instinctively grabbing hold to steady yourself. You find yourself holding onto two strong arms that hold onto you protectively around your waist, it was firm to not let you slip but somehow also gentle that felt surprisingly safe, you almost didn’t want to leave their embrace.

Almost.

“I am so sorry!” They exclaim the concern that filled their voice made your heart melt, it was such a genuine care for a complete stranger. A small laugh escapes you startled by your own thoughts, we’re you that socially isolated that you’ve already got a crush on someone you didn’t know? You step out of the stranger’s comforting embrace, running a quick hand through your hair.

“It’s Fine, it was-“ you stop mid sentence caught off guard by the woman in front of you, her eyes made you stop thinking all together. She was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen in your life.

“Hi” You mentally kick yourself on how breathless your voice sounded like you had just finish a running marathon.

The woman laughs, it was joyous and free, making you wish you could bottle the sound. “Hi” she smiles, you let yourself be taken in by her, her blonde hair was flowing down her shoulders like a golden river with her purple clothing it made it stand out to you. You also make note with how she’s wearing a purple scarf, jacket, shirt, pants and boots this girl really liked purple. When Looking her up and down you find her doing the same her eyes stop at the CD in your hands an amuse smile crosses her lips.

“Huh, didn’t think people bought CDs anymore” you felt your checks burns, quickly looking down at your hands hoping she didn’t notice.

“Oh well it’s always be a thing of mine to collect CDs” you shrug trying to play it cool. Stephanie nods in understanding. “Rad” you look up at her with a raise eyebrow unable to stop the smile on your face.

“I didn’t think people said Rad anymore” you remake she responds with another laugh making your heart flutter, you didn’t realise how much you wanted no needed to hear that laugh again. “I’m trying to bring it back” she smiles playfully. “I’m Stephanie By the way” Stephanie offers her hand to you. “Stephanie Brown”

“Y/N” you take her hand hoping not coming off too eager, though you couldn’t help but think how soft her hands were. “Y/N L/N”

“Well, y/n it was great bumping into you” she teases, your face must of been hotter than that sun at this point.

“Likewise” You’ve never shake hands with anyone for this long, neither of you wanting to break the simple contact, you stare into each other’s eyes in a comfortable silence.

Until your phone begins blaring the most ridiculous ring tone you had found thinking at the time it would be funny. Instead embarrassment washes over you in a tsunami.

“Um-Sorry about this” you fretted dropping Stephanie hand, yours suddenly feeling very cold without hers, you can hear Stephanie tell you not to worry though it drowns out when you see who’s calling you, your boss.

“Hey, You okay?” Stephanie ask she must of notice the dread in your expression, you try to brush her off. “I’m fine I just need to quickly answer” you try to reassure her but your voice came out so shaky that you doubt she’d believe it.

“Dr.Isley Hello” you greet thankful you could pull yourself together so quickly. You had only been working for Dr.Isley for a short time as an intern while you study little did you know too late Dr. Isley was also the infamous Poison Ivy back in Gotham. At the time you thought she was going to kill you, instead ivy had told you she found your work to be useful and demanded you help her on a plan of hers, it was that or she’d have your family killed, you weren’t entirely sure if she actually plan to make her threats real and frankly you didn’t want to find out.

“Darling I need you back at the lab now.” She didn’t explain further and she didn’t need to. Hanging up the phone you look to Stephanie her smile had disappeared from her face like you had imagine it all together, instead a expression you couldn’t quite read.

“I’m so sorry about that it was my boss she can be a bit demanding” you say lightheartedly in hopes to break the tension you felt, seeming to shake out of her funk Stephanie gives you a warm and understanding smile.

“Yeah I know how those can be” she says putting her hands in her pocket. Something had suddenly shift between the two of you leaving you uncomfortable.

She’s probably just being polite standing here and you’re being rude holding her up, must be why she feels so uncomfortable

Another tide of embarrassment overwhelms you at the thought.

“I’m really sorry, I should uh go, it was wonderful to meet you!” You bid farewell practically running away from her not wanting to disturb her any longer.

“Wait y/n-“ but you were already gone.

Two Weeks later

You were sitting in Burnside’s library reading on your studies you sigh feeling the stress weighing down on you, with both school and Dr.Isley you barley had time to yourself. Wanting to think on nicer things your thoughts drift to Stephanie, though it was a small encounter you couldn’t seem to get her out of your head, you start wonder about her What did she do for a living? What’s her family like? Did she have similar interests to you? For a bit you find yourself daydreaming of her an all the fun activities you would do together, even if there was no point thinking about her she was long gone.

“y/n?” You lift your head up from your book to see the girl of your dreams smiling at you.

“Stephanie! Um Hi!” You cheer jolting up to your feet to greet her, before Stephanie could reply someone shushes you, you blush forgetting you were in a library. Though when you back look at Stephanie she trying her best not to laugh and you felt yourself having to do the same.

“What are you doing here?” You whisper once the giggles had died in your throat, Stephanie gives you a shrug bringing the books up to her chest. “Oh you know I was planning I would start my rock band here” she jokes. You want to mentally kick yourself again.

Of course that was a stupid question your in a library!

“So what about you?” She asks with a slight tilt of her head.

“Oh nothing, really just learning the fundamentals on how to becoming a Space Cowboy, Surprisingly there’s a lot of Pineapple involved” Stephanie couldn’t suppress her surprise giggle that warm you to your very core.

“is that right?” She asks with an amuse smile on her lips.

You nod not trusting your voice at the moment to not come out a flustered mess.

“Who would of thought, hey maybe we combine our ideas” Stephanie suggests

“Start a rock band with Space Cowboys?”

“Don’t forget the pineapples” she added you laugh at that.

“How could I forget them”

“SHHH!” Someone angrily shushes behind you, you wave at them mouthing to them sorry, turning back to Stephanie you find her biting back a smile. “Mind if I seat here?” She asks pointing to the seat next to yours.

“Yes! I mean No! I mean please sit here and thank you” you blurt out just wishing you could jump out the nearest window, Stephanie just smiles saving you from the embarrassment she sits in her seat and you follow after her.

“So why are you actually here?” She inquires glances at the stack of books on the desk.

“Just studying for school good grades equals good job” though that wasn’t a lie it strangely felt like one, it wasn’t like you could tell her the truth anyway that you were here learning about a plant that was extinct millions of years ago and if brought back could kill all humans, she’d probably think you were a psychopath.

“I suppose” she shrugs leaning back in her chair stretching her arms out giving you a good view of her strong muscles under her shirt and you have try your hardest to not to just stare.

“What about you?” You mange to get out, your throat suddenly feeling very dry.

“I’m here helping a friend, his out on vacation and gave me some instructions to water his plants, there as rare as they can get, so they have very specific instructions but unfortunately I lost his note and I’m hoping if I research them I can learn how to take care of them” she explains “I’m sure your phone has the information you need probably be a lot easier too” you advise her but she just shakes her head.

“I try that, but these plants seemed to only be documented in books” that surprised you, why would someone have rare undocumented plants, you already knew one person who did and they weren’t doing it by the law would it really be a coincidence that there’s another?

“Wow they must be rare” is all that comes out, you didn’t want to accuse Stephanie of anything especially being these weren’t her plants, she didn’t know what he was doing. You worry without getting the proper needs these plants (depending what they were) could be deadly.

“Well, I can help you if you like, I know my fair share of plants” you put on a small smile, Stephanie brighten ups at your help. “Really! That be great!”

The two of you get to work. Stephanie wasn’t kidding to say these plants were rare some of them had to be the last of their species.

“So who is this guy? I’d say you’d have to be a millionaire to get these plants” you question looking over at Stephanie she glances up at you then back to the book seeming hesitant. “Well he sort of is, well he was adopted by one” she shrugs, flipping a page barley interested in the topic but you push a little further.

“Really? Why would he want the plants at all, seems a bit strange to have a collection on and not I don’t know cars”

Stephanie snorts at that like you’ve told her a joke.

“His a strange guy” she smiles fondly your own smile falters at her smile was he possibly more than a friend to her? Did Stephanie even like girls? Did you even have a shot?

Before you could go down a panic spiral Stephanie continues “His name is Tim, you’ll have to meet him sometime” your heart jump at the thought of a next time. But you couldn’t stop thinking about their relationship.

“So is Tim just a friend? Or… a Boyfriend?” You ask hesitantly. Stephanie looks at you what feels like forever with another unreadable expression. you felt your ears getting hotter until she laughs. “No! God No never again”

“Oh” you say trying not to sound too relief.

“Besides, I have someone else who’s been on my mind for awhile” she places her hand over yours and you felt the shiver that course though your body like being zap by electricity. After a moment you break away clearly your throat. “Um I have to get some of my work done I hope I help a bit”

“You help heaps thank you I’m sure I can figure out the rest” she reassured you.

“Alright just let me know, I am happy to help more”

“I know thanks y/n”

After looking down at a book for hours you hadn’t realised it was dark out as you went to sit up, you felt your neck cry in pain.

“Ugh and they say technology back for your back” you groan rubbing your neck you turn to see Stephanie was still next to you, fast asleep with a little drool escaping her lips you smile to yourself at the sight, not baring to wake her up an idea sparks in your head you rip a small piece of paper from your notebook writing down your number then putting it in your jacket before putting it over her shoulder’s as a blanket.

The Next Day

You didn’t have to wait long to hear from her.

You were exiting your apartment building when you get a phone call. “Hello?” You say unaware who’s on the other line.

“Hey! It’s me Stephanie” you had to sallow down the squeals that threaten to escape you.

“Stephanie..... hey” you say trying to sound cool and in doing so go to lean on something though to your quick realisation nothing was there you managed to balance yourself before falling face first.

“I’m glad it’s You, I was worried someone else gave me there jacket and put their phone number in it” she jokes

“I’m glad it was me too” you mumble shyly, it took you a moment to realise what you said and starting rethinking all your life choices. “I was just calling if you wanted to hang out sometime?” Stephanie asks

“Yes! I mean-I would like that very much” you babble our thankful she couldn’t see your face.

“Awesome!” She exclaims matching your enthusiasm, realising she clears her throat “Um... Dose Saturday work for you?” If you didn’t know any better you’d think she was blushing the thought made you smile “Saturday sounds perfect”

“Then I will see you then Beautiful- Y/N I meant to say Y/N but that’s not to say I don’t think you’re beautiful-” she sighs “I think I’m just going to stop talking now”

“Oh don’t stop on my account Gorgeous” you tease attempting your best seductive tone for a moment Stephanie doesn’t respond a feeling of dread drops in your stomach. Had you said something wrong?

“Well, Beautiful I will see you Saturday at 8.pm?” She purrs her voice sending a shiver down your spine.

“looking forward to it.”

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough you had texted Stephanie you’re address and Stephanie made it clear to you to dress casual. You sigh looking at yourself in the mirror. Wearing your denim jacket and rip jeans you felt anxiety bubble inside you, you had always be nervous on first dates but being with Stephanie felt different you wanted to impress her more than anything, before you second guess your outfit a knock is at your door. You jump at the sound glancing back at the mirror.

“You can do this you’re just two people getting to know each other, no big deal” you reassure yourself looking back at your reflection you didn’t look very convinced. You made your way over to the door brushing down imaginative wrinkles in your outfit, you open the door revealing Stephanie you had to take a double check, Stephanie hair was in a braided crown that made her look like a goddess she wore a White sparkle dress that was cut at her waist, the skirt flow to her ankles.

“Hi.” You breathe out unable to put a whole sentence together. Stephanie smiles tucking a string of hair behind her ear. “Hi”

“I- Uh I thought you said to wear casual?” You stammer out feeling very underdressed. Stephanie rubs the back of her neck bashful. “Right, But something came up last minute and I would like you to be my date to Gotham’s annual Gala at Wayne Manor”

“What?!” You exclaim “Gotham is miles away!”

Stephanie gives you a little smirk “Don’t you worry about that” you cross your arms unconvinced Stephanie notices your doubt and offers her hand to you with a gentle smile

“I know this is unexpected, trust me I planned something way better than being in a room with rich snobs” she takes a step closer the heat of her body made your heart race, you were sure she could hear.

“I really like you Y/N I want to get to know you better”

If she couldn’t hear before she definitely was now.

“So, What do you say?”

You stare at the hand for a moment doubt filled your mind, you knew nothing about Stephanie who was she? What she did for work? as fun as a Gala sounded you couldn’t help but think this wouldn’t a one time occasion with her, one minute you’d agree on one thing and the next she’d be off running to who knows where.

Maybe you we’re reading to much into it, you might go to this Gala and realise it wasn’t meant to be and go you’re separate ways. When you look back at Stephanie you knew that wasn’t the case. Looking into her blue eyes all the doubts vanish from your mind. Her eyes spoke to you in a language you’ve never herd before, they told you she wasn’t anyone you’ve ever met before someone who will make you feel like you were only person in world. Stephanie was the one. The thought was crazy and too soon to know but you felt it like a electricities coursing through you and somehow you knew Stephanie felt it too.

Hope you like the story if you want a part 2 please interact! 💜and thank you so much reading this regardless means the world to me that someone would take the time out of their day to read something I wrote it’s surreal 😊

[blueguydraws]

Russia, Israel and sharks

During history classes i think we all were thinking just how could have people been so cruel and dumb back in the day, salting the land, burning towns on the enemies land, targetting people based on the association of ethnicity. And everyone in the classroom was relieved how lucky it is that we are not that backwards anymore in the civilised world and age. We were also shocked how could everyone have gone mad and how the world turned upisde down during the 40 all over europe and asia. It must have been the genious manipulation of propaganda.

But no, we have to admit sadly that they didnt had to do much if anything, most people simply are just like that, they barely need a push to sucumb to that way of thinking, it doesnt take years of propaganda, but about 5 minutes of news.

A few months ago a man in egypt was eaten by a shark, the video is quiet disturbing, but then it came out that he was russian, living in egypt for about 4 years. And twitter immediately become full with such tweets:

And hundreds of extremely distastefull and sadistic comments celebrating this. If someone questioned them, they just wrote how many ukrainian died in the war if they even responded something coherent. When questioned what did he had to do with any of that, the best they could say is that well russians are evil annyway and he propably supported putin too. Its good that there is one less of them.

War footages were also all over social media, i saw a few where they put loony toons sound effects over deaths, of course bright text made it clear that those were russian soldiers (othervise no one could even tell) and you can have the luxury of laughing at it guilt free instead of virtously clutching your pearls. The ones where someone got bombed while taking a piss or sleeping got particularly many likes and retweets.

Acthual unga bunga bronze age mindset.

Collective punishment and gladiator games, things we tought we abandoned centuries ago, but it didnt even took anything for peole to immediately re embrace it with open arms.

At this point we have to admit that the reason for this is that its just simply part of human nature (not that) deep down. Wich makes sense after all. Humans have been existing for about 300 000 years, but we had our current socially acceptable moral system for about a hundred. Playing civilisation for a few centuries arent gonna be enough to weed out the instinctual cavemen out of us. Wich reminded me to this song by MARINA, "savages", it hit the nail on the head perfectly:

And while maybe war footage is not being shared here, this kind of behavior is definitely not absent from tumblr either.

By the way, talking about ukrain and russia, what do you even know about them? What is the diference between the two? The average internet activist couldnt have been able to point it out on a map before the war. Arent all the news regarding ukrain were talking about how the far right is on the rise in there? But suddenly it become my little UwU ukrain once the war started. My point is that for the avegare person around the world the only diference between the two nation is that one happened to attack the other not the other way around. If history would have went a bit diferently, now you all were laughing at the death of those same poor ukrainian soldiers.

I saw once a tweet made by a guy who just found out that many ukrainians, especially in the army, are deeply religious, and the country is very conservative, and said that he isnt sure he can fully support them anymore lmao.

It was also very cringe how everyone who didnt even heard about Zelensky before started to simp for a random middle eastern politican and made heroic edits about him for the sole virtue of getting attacked, its embarrassing at best.

Did you knew that he was in the panama papers by the way?

And now again with the conflict between israel, palestine and hamas. People just cant behave civilised.

I dont know what is so hard about simply having multiple opinions at the same time, you can easily agree that Palestine should be freed from Israel's influence while also condemning HAMAS.

Many people have been taking off their masks and it often comes from the most suprising groups.

I couldnt have belived that the time comes when people here will support a far right religious fundamentalist terror group.

"but yoU CAnT TelL tHE oprEsSed How REbeLL" I heard many times by now

Yes i can, for example rape, mowing down civilians and parading their bodies like trophies are simply just not part of any military operation and you shouldnt do it, idk why it is a controverial opinion currently.

Also do you think all the extremist groups in the middle east wouldnt want to kill all the jews annyway even if Israel would have been nice? Or you for that matter since i assume the average person reading this isnt a beliver.

The average liberal person with "they/them, ACAB, UwU" in their bio the second there is an armed conflict:

[asphaltvalkyrie]

nottudisushittoagen.jpg

My FFXIV blog seems to be having problems and won't load. The link currently leads to some dead, broken code and I don't know why.  But its making me think about how I use that blog, and how, in a way, losing it would be sort of a relief.

I really do need to use it to just cut loose and talk to myself about my character and all of my personal writing and headcanon ideas and opinions. 

But for some reason, the idea of openly posting without trying to be at least somewhat entertaining to someone other than myself feels like a war crime. I hate the idea of wasting someone's time and dashboard real estate with pure unfiltered me. The attention economy is real and I don't want to exhaust or annoy. Fuck knows we're already bombarded with enough inconsequential shit without me adding to it.

Annnnd I just realized that I think of that blog almost like another person I have to impress and/or not completely weird out. But why? I only have 96 followers, most of which are dead accounts, and I average about 0.75 notes per post unless its a silly names screenshot compilation. Truly, I am cringe but I am free, and I must embrace that. Hell, the title of this entry is a meme from 15 fucking years ago.

So why can't I think of my own damn blog as being for ME? Obviously it doesn't matter if I just write whatever the fuck I feel like, so why can't I just cut loose? Every time I see one of those “reblog if you’re an FFXIV blog so I can find you!” posts I think “lolno you don’t want to follow me.” and skip it.

Anyway this if my FFXIV character and I’ve had him for almost 9 years and he is My Son and this is my favorite screenshot of him and I am posting it to make myself smile just a little bit because I love him.

[nebulouscoffee]

🛒✨💖❌🤗

All great questions, thank you!

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

I've noticed a lot of my fics play around with time/perception/reality, whether it's interconnecting flashbacks with the present or having nonlinear and/or unreal shenanigans going on. I think this is because I mostly write ds9 fic, and one of the main fascinations I have with that show is how almost every main character has a somewhat distorted or extraordinary perception of reality!

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Aww thank you <3 uhhhh well more than one person has commented that I'm good at capturing character voices and sometimes I read my writing and think "hey they're right actually" :)

💖 What made you start writing?

The childhood urge to Make People Up and then Put Them In Situations! Fanfic specifically, it went like: pandemic -> ds9 rewatch -> unexpected obsession with the doctor lizard ship I somehow never cared about before -> getting into fanfic for the first time (I'd only occasionally read gen fics before, or b/7 lol) -> wanting to process complicated feelings I was sitting with & feeling inspired by some incredibly good fics I'd read -> voila we got 'Home'

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

Haha I've learnt to never say never, I mean if you'd asked my early 2021 self if I'd ever attempt writing romance or ship fic you'd've gotten a resounding "lmao no???" and we all know how that went

... I guess, demonising and/or killing off a character just to get OTP together? (Not a "trope" but definitely a trope y'know😂)

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

KILL 👏 THE 👏 CRINGE!! 👏 (or embrace it, whatever works :D)

Never forget you're doing this for fun! And for FREE! You don't owe anybody anything! Not so much writing advice as outlook-towards-your-writing advice, but (as long as your fics aren't like. racist or otherwise harmful lol) be proud of yourself and all your babies!

As time passes, you will inevitably come to look at your first works differently. This is where you must be vigilant against the cringe😂

Instead of "my older work is bad", think "I hadn't written much fanfic yet so I wasn't as good as I am now, and it's so cool that there's actually visible improvement"

Instead of "this fic is sooo out of character I hate it now", think "I wrote this back when I read the characters differently"

Instead of "I can't post this thing until it's perfect", think "I've gotten so used to improvement my standards are just unattainably high now, but the people reading liked what I wrote back then because something about it was good, and they'll probably like this too"

Instead of "I hate that my cringey old fics are still being read by people", think "This thing I created out of love and shared to connect with fellow fans brought them joy, and is still bringing people joy even after I've moved on, which is really cool of me actually"

Always remember your target audience is fellow obsessives with brainrot, NOT snarky people on the internet who don't care about the stories you're telling (esp if they don't even write fic! They'd never understand how hard it is to put your work out there.) Like 90% of the time when something's called "cringe", it's really just... sincere? Well, fanfic is literally a medium where people care about a show so much they voluntarily write tens of thousands of words for zero profit. It doesn't have to be good; there's published literature for that. People come to fanfic for the passion!

Don't write your blorbo with the main goal being distancing yourself from the basic girlies who like them wrong. Don't water down your favourite dynamics to cater to the people who "don't get" your ship. Fully unhinged fan content made out of love and Too Many Emotions will ALWAYS be better than painfully self-conscious works that are too afraid to be sincere imo (I don't read much smut but I'm sure this applies here too- just commit to it fully and people will find it hot! Nothing kills the vibe like being able to tell the fic writer was embarrassed they were writing this lol.)

Doesn't matter if you're writing for a rare pair that most people just go ??? at, or a popular character/pairing that's slowly starting to get hate because it's everywhere- don't be afraid to be sincere. Be fully and unapologetically insane about your obsessions and never ever get baited into being cynical about your work. Be true to yourself and have fun with your weirdo friends, and your fics will reflect that <3

[oseike]

Well I wrote my own fanfic like a 13 yo girl and uploaded it to ao3. I made an account just so I could do this. Honestly I may be cringe but I am free to embrace it so here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49287325

That's the bitch

Summary: A canon-close edit of the main story: when Mordegon steals the powers of the Luminary, it shatters the Luminary's soul. Now Rab must find the fragments from the space between life and death and put them back together, lest his grandson be lost forever. Yet doing so may prove to be an unexpected boon...

No warnings, not a romance (....hopefully that's obvious to everyone here). I rated teen+ on ao3 just cos there is mention of blood...I guess...

Some more thoughts under the cut

My other thoughts don't have anything to do with the fic itself; more game play and story adjustments I would have liked:

1) In the cutscene when Mordegon kills the World Tree, we see him destroy the Luminary powers, which originally has basically zero effect on the protagonist, since he’s freely able to use his powers after waking up again. I found that kind of stupid. I would change it so that upon getting back on land, the Luminary would no longer have free access to his Luminary powers. For the first section of the story, with Hendrik, the Luminary skills would be simply grayed out and unavailable. To make it easier, all enemies in that section would be weak to physical damage, and regular attacks are simply the extent of what the protagonist can do - though Hendrik, of course, can do more.

2) BUT, upon defeating the first general boss, the protagonist would gain a little bit of the Luminary powers back. My reasoning is this: Mordegon stole the powers of the Luminary. Instead of completely destroying them, it’d make it more fun to break it up into pieces and give those pieces to his generals. Mordegon wouldn’t need them anymore, having already stolen the heart of Yggdrasil, so shards of the Luminary’s powers could prove to be a nice boon for his favorite underlings. Thus, defeating certain regional bosses also returns the Luminary powers to him.

3) To have a twist: after getting the first sliver back, the player could technically access any of the Luminary spells and skills - but only a few are actually unlocked with each certain story beat/regional boss defeated. This means you could attempt to use a skill that hasn’t been unlocked in battle - but doing so would drop the protag’s HP to half the first time. It would trigger a cutscene after the battle where the party (whoever you had) would express concern and warn the player not to try that again, because he’s not recovered properly. If you did it again, it would auto-KO him. There’d be another triggered cutscene, where the protagonist would collapse and the party would rush to the last campsite or town you passed. He would wake up but be scolded again for over-exerting himself and then be told he’s not allowed to battle again since he clearly can’t control himself - at least, not until he can prove he’s more healed, which can happen at an inn. Resting at the campsite wouldn’t be enough, and the player wouldn’t be able to put him into the party for the time being.

4) I realize this does clash with the events of Rab later, because in meeting him, the protagonist originally learned Quadraslash (“an ultimate Luminary skill”) and his first combo with Rab. I think this could just be adjusted: Master Pang can just teach them how to combo. It also elevates how cool the characters are if their weakest combo skill still defeats Mordegon’s invasion of the afterlife realm, and would make the player more excited to see the stronger combinations. Then Master Pang can tell them to return to Angri'La and read a scroll/talk to her successor to gain one of the Luminary’s greatest skills after he’s healed - paving the way for him to return and gain the Quadraslash and actually make it a strong, cool skill for the final battle..

5) I think that it is important for the protagonist to have a moment where others look after him and he gets to go on a healing journey. He was he terribly injured (which should be kind of traumatic!); he shouldn’t just be jumping up and running off without any issues.

6) Thus, this journey lets the protagonist know he can depend on the others, and the journey would let those party members come into their own and take responsibility for seizing fate with their own hands. This becomes extra poignant if you remember Yggdrasil is gone; Yggdrasil’s favorite still exists but the tree can’t help him, and it’s truly up to the remaining living people to save themselves. This IS a theme the game tries to sell you, too, but it kind of falls flat when they also keep driving home how necessary the Luminary is.

7) It also makes the various instances when the protagonist collapses (such as meeting the Seer) all the more harrowing for the party members, because they know he’s not entirely whole and they can’t know exactly what might break him in his current state.

(I’ll be honest, I kind of want Hendrik to suffer a lot more than he did. I love his character, he should wallow in guilt and misery.)

8) One more thing: this setup would nullify much of what the Seer says to him. Thus, I think that moment would be better off spent helping him get over the trauma of near-death, and the worry of whether or not he’d be enough to battle Mordegon when the time came. The Seer can use that moment as a chance to reinforce the idea of relying on his companions instead of trying to take everything on himself, thus cycling back to the ‘you’re not alone/you don’t need to shoulder everything’ message. Poignant, knowing who the Seer is.