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whovianshifts · 21 days

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thoughts on: the gateway tapes

As some of you may know, I *thought* that I shifted yesterday. Long story short, I was so deep in the void that, when my aunt came into my room and turned the big light in, i didn't realise until a flash of light woke me.

My heart jolted awake; I felt all my limbs alive at once and I genuinely, in that moment, thought that I had shifted. Like honestly, for a shifting simulation, I think it was pretty accurate haha.

But anyway, what I found more interesting was how effective the gateway tapes were.

The other day, I came across a tumblr post with a google doc attached explaining the tapes in great detail. Whilst I had heard about and tried it last year, this explanation was action-oriented and grounded shifting as a skill i could gradually acquire on my own, rather than an abstract sort of end goal based on luck (if you scroll like one post down you will find it, i HIGHLY recommend reading).

To summarise quickly, the tapes take you through 3 main stages of (in shifttok/blr terms) the void - Focus 3, Focus 10 and Focus 10-advanced. Its basically a guided meditation with some insanely effective frequencies that allows you to access and get comfortable with powerful states of mind that can aid in many spiritual practices, including shifting, LOA, and astral projection.

So, basics aside, let me tell you all about my first time experience:

Following the google doc, I began with basic Focus 3. Due to it's long introduction, I honestly just took time to get relaxed and close my eyes when I truly felt like it - already making it a comfortable experience. As I listened to the recording, the frequencies and especially the waves eased my body into a state of sleep. The way it allowed me to gradually enter this state without much effort really solidified to me that this meditation definitely does what it says on the tin - it isnt something you have to 'trust' or 'believe in' (terms that i find admittedly too vague to sometimes grasp onto), but instead just works effectively on its own. Of course, your own concentration is required - for me, as I have been in and out of the void in previous meditations, this was sort of easy - but if you try a few times to really focus, it works quickly.

For me, what I found most difficult was trying not to bring my attention back to my body when I reached Focus 3. At points, the 'void' state was stable and I could sort of chill in it, but other times, it oscillated between the former and just a numb feeling in my body. To clarify, it was a very fuzzy sort of numbness - my physical body was sort of imperceptible, but it always snapped me out of that pure void state and into a semi lucid reality. However, the google docs I am following through at the moment sort of described Focus 3 as an intermediate state, rather than a complete detachment from the body. I also think that honestly, with practice, I can see myself getting a lot better at recognising and accepting these feelings anyway, so I am sure it will become easier.

Overall, I give this technique/meditation a 10/10 because it gives you the tools to be self-reliant and informed in your shifting journey rather than just throwing you into the deep end right away. Especially when terms like the void state, pure consciousness etc can be ambiguous and unclear, shifting can be really daunting - and lets *normalise* this feeling. Its so much better to work with this and ease yourself into shifting, rather than struggle against your instincts. In my experience, it's so difficult and counterintuitive to force yourself to feel confident; I much rather prefer taking things slow and working on my skills, developing this sense of confidence naturally. With the gateway tapes, they really do ease you in to this; Focus-10 is similar to Focus-3, but it encourages you to be more independent - and at this point, you've already started to develop a solid understanding of the void so you dont feel lost.

For me, this practice is so important; going into shifting, already finding a large part of it natural and easy, will undoubtedly make it a lot more feasible. Breaking it into small, manageable chunks like this helps with that feeling of intimidation too - I feel like yeah, I can achieve this, realistically.

Anyway, future resolutions

-STARFISH POSE: I never thought I would be saying this after the trauma of 2020 shifttok, but I finally understand why the starfish pose is so helpful. At points in this meditation, I did lose sensation in many parts of my body but my hands, clasped together, were always sort of there. Though a full starfish is soo uncomfortable, I will resolve to try and keep my limbs apart as I can tell this will help, as long as it's in a semi-comfortable manner too.

Anyway, happy shifting everyone :)

-tish

#reality shifting #shifting #anti shifters dni #shiftblr #quantum jumping #shifting community #reality shifter

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natalyabby · 1 month

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~ 𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝓈𝓉𝒾𝒸 𝒾𝓃𝓈𝓅𝒾𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 // 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑜𝓁𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝓈𝓉𝓈 🌹💕🎶🫶🏼

Recently, an odd and somewhat unexpected source of artistic inspiration for me has been reading up on news and local events. Being observant of the social & political landscape around me in my day to day. I'm not the kind to create overtly political music, so I don't mean it in that way exactly...

It's more that, being attuned to the current climate is opening my eyes as to how immensely needed passionate, inspiring, beautiful, hopeful, or just generally expressive music/art is right now. Just how necessary myself and every artist out there truly is. How there is not only a vague desire, but a genuine NEED for artists & their art.

I forget that outside of my own personal echo-chamber of media (as you can imagine, I consume a lot of aesthetic, artistic, philosophical and spiritual media/content) the world can seem very grey, pessimistic and incredibly in need of music, art & colour.

Scrolling through accounts that I follow, it's easy for me to feel like 'eh, everything has already been done; there's so many people doing better than me, it's oversaturated, etc', but in reality when I step outside of that bubble, dedicated artists & musicians are a shining few and play a profound role in adding vibrancy & beauty in all forms to our world.

I feel like throughout my life I've always known my instinctive role (whether I manage to get paid for it or not) is that of an artist. That's it. Doesn't matter if I make art every day or every few months- whether any given piece I create ends up technically good or bad- it's just that being an artist is inherent to my nature.

Whilst I've known this about myself, I've often felt a little apathetic about how much other people will really care; questioning how important my art truly is when there's soo many great artists out there already doing amazing things. Why my art when there's so much greatness already out there?

I guess it's also that a lot of artists sort of (whether inadvertently or directly), get the message that art is just some fiddly diddly, frivolous hobby they do in some rando shed in their free time and while is admirable, doesn't have impact in 'the real world', which couldn't be further from the truth.

We are taught that to be an artist and to consume art is some almost hedonistic 'side quest' in the game of life, rather than a deeply meaningful and 'legitimate' thing.

I'm beginning to see how while indeed, there are many artists around; every single artist really does have a unique message they're called to deliver to people, and art/music isn't just something pretty to look at or play in the background. It deeply influences people in ways that simple words cannot. Art is beyond necessary and influential in our world even if for many, its influence operates on an unconscious level. I'm so grateful that as an artist, I have this opportunity to not only communicate, but bring people into my world- or a world 🌏🥀🌙

#musicians on tumblr #artists on tumblr #indie music #artists #music #art #inspiration #art community #rant #artistic inspiration #small artists #aesthetic #underground artists

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krawlernyannyan · 7 months

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The fun part about theorycrafting is that every one in a while you get an absurd thought in your head that you know, instinctively, isn't correct, but you start connecting dots anyway because bad theories can still lead to greater truths, and once you start connecting dots you have the moment of "Wait this might actually explain a lot?"

My crack theory for the night is this: Something Unto Death didn't actually kill Robin. Robin's killer...was herself.

Points of analysis to explain myself:

If we assume Firefly and Robin were both killed by SUD, there's a key difference between how we see Firefly die and how we see Robin's body - that is, we see Robin's body. She left a corpse. Firefly exploded into dream bubble paste instantly before she even had time to hit the ground, yet Robin's body was evidently lying around long enough for Aventurine to find it and show it to two other people at different times before it finally evaporated. This theory provides a pretty straightforward answer to this question - the bodies are in different conditions because there were two different causes of death.

The location of the body is also suspect. Both times we see SUD, it's in wide open spaces, which is intuitive because it's a massive monster and it needs room to maneuver. Why, then, is Robin's body lying in the middle of a hotel room? Would SUD really cram itself into that small of a space just to kill someone? Now, there are some possible mundane answers here - SUD could've possibly just teleported a part of itself in, or Aventurine could've just moved the body from somewhere else, but neither of those really cleanly answer this question. By this theory's line of thought, where Robin died wouldn't matter, even if SUD has to find you and kill you itself, because she could theoretically take her own life in any location she saw fit.

What exactly was Robin - interastral pop superstar Robin, pride of The Family - doing alone in the middle of the primal dreamscape? Given how important she is to the optics to the Charmony Festival, you'd think she'd have a 24/7 security detail or, barring that, someone with authority like Sunday keeping an eye on her, yet she managed to sneak off into an area that is largely outside of The Family's control? What if the reason she was there was because she was deliberately trying to get out of The Family's sight so they couldn't stop her?

It's stated multiple times that death shouldn't be possible in Penacony; in the game's own terms, "It's the promise of The Family and the blessing of The Harmony." Even a Memokeeper can't circumvent that...but what about a member of The Family? What about a tuner who can channel The Harmony, and demonstrated that ability earlier in the story?

While Sunday's lines in the epilogue would point to "death" being the culprit in both cases, I'd like to raise the following counterarguments: [A] It's possible he just got bad information and naturally came to the same conclusion we did about how Robin died; [B] Likewise taking the information he's been given and mentally blocking out the possibility his own sister chose death for herself because who would ever choose to believe that if they didn't have to; [C] He knows for a fact he's talking to Sparkle from the start of that scene since he already knows Robin is dead, and could be deliberately skewing his words to keep the truth of the situation from getting out into the public.

This isn't a complete theory - I'll admit as much. If you're looking for an idea of what she did to inflict spiritual death on herself, or why she would want to do something drastic like this: I'm sorry, I don't have them. Maybe the combined stressors of celebrity life and the threat of The Family re-establishing control over her after she'd left them drove her over the edge. We are only a third of the way into the Penacony story and there is very little we can dig into about Robin, before or after her death.

However, if you think this idea is "too dark", that it's "too depressing" and they'd never actually do it: I get it. I came up with this idea and, frankly, I still don't think it's what the real answers are going to amount to. But I think it's a possibility worth some consideration, and I'd like to present one more piece of evidence to my case. This is the one that got me on this train of thought in the first place:

On Penacony, the theme of suicide and self-annihilation are pervasive and constant. You can't go two sidequests without seeing it in some shape or form: Lew Archer, throwing herself off buildings; IV, threatening to do the same; Leslie Dean, an imaginary being, ending his own existence for the betterment of the people who created him; Sparkle, symbolically killing herself over and over by making herself the victim in murder mysteries she creates; even Tizocic II, who erased her life once by wiping her own memories, then, when she got them back, chose to return to her homeworld for what could only be her own execution. There's even more examples I could list, but you get the gist. An entire planet of people, destroying themselves and the lives they've built up, all in the hopes there's something better on the other side.

I would be incredibly surprised if that theme doesn't translate itself into the main story sometime in the next two updates. Maybe it's not via Robin specifically, and there's something much worse lying under the surface in Penacony. Right now, though? We've been given a murder mystery, and murder mysteries are never straightforward when it comes to their victims. It would be very on-genre to make us think a certain Memory Zone Meme did it, right after we saw it kill someone else, only for them to pull the rug out under us.

#HSR Specposting #HSR #Honkai Star Rail #HSR Robin #tw suicide #just throwing that one in there for safety #HSR Spoilers

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aurumacadicus · 2 years

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Fictober 26/31 -- “I’m doing it, shut up.”

Lottie is wonderfully at ease with her body most of the time, but even she has her insecurities. Luckily she’s got healthy coping mechanisms, one of which is creating chaos as only the youngest, unhinged sibling can.

Clint chewed on his cheek thoughtfully, watching as Lottie obediently followed Bruce’s instruction through various yoga poses. She was the only one besides Natasha who could really do the poses without some form of modification, but he wondered how much of it was practice and how much of it was because she was a cat sometimes. She was more flexible than anyone on the team, and she had such fine control over her mutation that she could simply partially shift for the strength she needed.

Not that she needed to for yoga. She’d appeared in the gym to join the rest of the team in a sports bra and shorts, showing off the fact that she was basically pure muscle. Tony had dropped his water bottle. Clint wished he could make fun of him, but he’d spewed his Gatorade all over Thor. She’d always looked so… soft, under her comfy sweaters and swooshy skirts. ‘Even domestic cats have a low body fat percentage, so no matter what I do I just look like this,’ she’d said, clearly embarrassed, and covered her exposed stomach with her arms. They’d all privately decided it wasn’t a topic for discussion based on that.

Natasha had tapped out to go spar with Thor and Steve, but Clint noticed them all glancing over when they took breaks. Tony had tapped out after getting a call from R&D that was just screaming, and he’d sighed and muttered colorfully under his breath about running a company and stalked off. Clint was going to make a highlight reel for him. Steve had made a really interesting noise when Natasha had used her thighs to fling him across the mats.

“So, can you do difficult poses?” Clint asked as Lottie, upside-down, rested her knees on her elbows.

“Crane pose is difficult, Clint,” Bruce admonished, scowling at him.

Clint stuck his tongue out at him, then rolled his eyes. “I mean, sure, it’s advanced, but it’s not like… top hardest yoga pose, is it?”

“Yoga is a spiritual exercise,” Bruce began.

“Yeah, I can do what some people call the top five,” Lottie said, apparently oblivious to the fact that Clint was just teasing her. She tipped her head back to look up at them, blinking slowly. “I’ve talked about Maryam before. Her mom ran her own yoga studio in town. She let all of Maryam’s friends shadow classes so long as we were respectful and helped clean up around the studio.”

Clint couldn’t help a wry smile. “Let me guess. You were especially helpful.”

“I couldn’t say. Apoorva was never really fast and loose with her praise,” Lottie answered, and somehow managed to shrug even with her knees on her elbows. “Probably wouldn’t have felt right, anyway. Cat,” she offered, pupils going feline in demonstration before going round again. “She leaned more into the meditation teachings of it than the Americanized version.”

Bruce perked up. “Oh, do you think you could ask her to suggest some reading materials for me?”

Lottie blinked up at him in surprise. “Uh, yeah? Probably? Can I relax now?”

“Oh my god, yes,” Bruce spluttered, checking his watch. “Lottie, I’m so sorry.”

Clint watched Lottie stretch her legs back up, then back, until her toes touched the floor. Then she simply stood the fuck up, as if her weight hadn’t just been entirely on her arms. “My spine would simply snap in half,” he murmured to himself.

“We could start with an easier position for you,” Bruce offered.

Clint turned to give him a bitch face. “I meant because I’m old.”

“You are pretty old,” Lottie said sympathetically.

Clint stood more on instinct than actual anger, fists coming up. “Old enough to throw you out the window.”

“I’ll snap you like a twig,” Lottie replied, scowling at him, before she giggled and covered her mouth. “I’m sorry. I can’t keep a straight face that long. You know I don’t mean it, right?”

Clint had never for a moment assumed she would. Still, he wasn’t one not to milk a situation in his favor. “You can make it up to me by doing the top five hardest poses.”

Bruce swiveled to glare at him again. “Clint. Behave.”

“I dunno how,” Clint said, and was probably only saved from being punched by Lottie shrugging.

“Yeah, sure,” she agreed.

Bruce turned to look at her and sighed, put upon. “You’re rewarding his bad behavior.”

“I don’t think he knows what good behavior is,” Lottie reasoned.

Clint nodded along, because that sounded about right. Then she grinned, and he realized she’d meant it as an insult. “Hey!”

“I’m doing it,” Lottie cut in before he could say anything else, throwing herself into a handstand. “Shut up.”

“…This is a hard pose?” Clint asked, dubious, as she began spreading her legs.

Bruce crossed his arms and scowled at him. “It takes a lot of core strength and balance, Clint.”

As he watched, Lottie shifted her weight onto her right arm, lifting her left hand up to rest on her hip. Her arm didn’t even tremble. “Holy shit.”

“This isn’t even the hardest one,” Lottie told him smugly.

“I wanna see you do the hardest one,” Clint said.

Bruce rolled his eyes, groaning quietly. “You’re such a child.”

Clint glanced at him, raising his eyebrows in challenge. “Can you do it?”

“No, because I’m older than you. I’d fucking disintegrate,” Bruce scoffed.

Lottie put her hand back on the ground, bringing her legs back together as well. “I don’t find the scorpion pose as difficult as most people,” she said, legs coming forward, forward, forward, until she could tap her toes to her forehead. “I find Sirsasana li Padmasana more difficult, but that’s because I hate putting my head on the floor.”

“ARE YOU DOING THE SCORPION,” Natasha bellowed from the mats.

Clint watched Lottie casually turn on her hands to face her. “Hmm I don’t like this actually.”

“She’s a backwards C,” Bruce agreed, looking faintly green in a sickly way and not a hulkly way.

“You asked,” Lottie scoffed.

“Okay but you’re kind of freaking me out,” Steve said, hiding behind Thor. “Please stop.”

“No, I want to see how long she can hold it,” Natasha argued.

Lottie grinned, wide and sinister, and—for lack of a better term—started sprinting toward the mats on her hands.

“NOOO OH MY GOD,” Steve shouted, terrified, and Thor flinched.

Clint watched her chase the two of them around, cackling, then sighed and looked up at Bruce. “Tony is going to be so upset he missed this.”

Bruce sighed and crossed his arms. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

“Huh?” Clint said, but then Steve was grabbing him, picking him up, throwing him in Lottie’s direction. “STEVE WHAT THE FUCK?!”

It didn’t even help, because Lottie expertly swerved around him to continue chasing Steve. Clint decided he deserved it.

.-.

“Oh,” Clint said, as both Lottie and Tony, scorpion posing, cornered a screaming Steve in the common room. He almost felt bad for him.

Luckily Thor eventually came and scooped the two of them up, scolding them about knowing when to end a joke as he carried them away.

#aurumacadicus writes #original character #marvel #fictober

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desertsquiet · 2 years

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31 Days Music Challenge

Day 27 - A song that makes you vibrate your soul:

One of the very first posts I made about Gram, if not the first that wasn’t simply reblogging something, was about this song. I guess it was doing something to my soul that I sensed right away and it was so powerful I needed to get it out. I realize now that that’s always been a uniquely common theme when it comes to my relationship with his music, because it has so frequently inspired me to action in ways that may seem small to some, but have actually been a pretty big deal for me in terms of the way I express myself and relate myself to other people. It feels like he’s simultaneously (and almost single-handedly) lead me on a different path compared to what I’d known and loved before and allowed me to find my own voice and understand it in the process. I’m not exaggerating when I say that he’s been my point of reference for just about anything I’ve developed an interest for- or often gained a whole new appreciation - in the last year and a half (almost). Sometimes it happened without really being aware of it, sometimes I intentionally chose to follow my instinct and go wherever I felt his presence even in the smallest of ways. All this to say that I’ve come to think of him, as corny as it may sound, as kind of a “spiritual guide”. Like he’s the one who has the keys to my soul for some reason and that’s why he seems to know exactly where I should be heading next. Wild Horses is an early but fulgid example of this. The way a song I already very much knew and loved (my favorite Rolling Stones song, actually) took on a completely new life and resonated with me in a way the original never did. And yet I can also say that I did not discover Gram Parsons through his connection to the Rolling Stones, but that in many ways I discovered (as in “finally got”) the Rolling Stones through their connection to Gram Parsons. So they can’t be too mad at him even though he stole my favorite of their songs from them forever. It simply was the more perfect fit for my soul.

#❤️#31 days music challenge #gram parsons #the flying burrito brothers

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lionheartslowstart · 2 months

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Phone Call

In my thirty years on this earth, I have never, not once, drunk dialed an ex. I've drunk dialed ex-friends, I've drunk dialed my parents, but never, and I mean NEVER, an ex.

Until about 3 weeks ago.

I don't want to get into too much detail regarding the events of that evening, because it's not the important part of the story. Suffice it to say that I had a VERY bad night. And the events of that horrible night led me to be in what I refer to as a spiritual crisis.

I also happened to be pretty intoxicated. I don't drink often, but when I do, I sometimes will go overboard. Especially if I get depressed. Again, I don't necessarily think the details of why I was so drunk are relevant, but it's important to know that I was drunker than I'd been in a good while. Drunk and depressed do not mix well, especially if you are in crisis - spiritual or otherwise.

I cannot tell you why, but I suddenly had the urge to call my ex, "Kevin." I know, crazy. I was actually in the middle of a conversation with my boyfriend, "Thomas," when I announced, "I'm going to call Kevin." Thomas got very concerned and said, "I don't think that's a good idea, Sophie." But I quickly replied, "Oh well, I'm doing it. I'll call you back. Bye!" And I hung up. (And yes, of course I told him all about it later.)

I knew instinctively that Kevin would answer the phone. Initially, I would have said he answered it simply because he's a narcissist, but after our conversation, I'm not so sure that's the only reason, or even the main reason. The fact is, if the roles were reversed, I would probably answer the phone, too. Does that mean I'm a narcissist? I sure hope not. I would have answered the phone not only because we had a very intense and deep relationship, as well as a lot of history, but we also had absolutely zero contact for 3 years and our mutual hatred for each other was never a secret, so I'd wonder why the fuck he was calling me. I'm willing to bet he felt the same.

What followed was by far the absolute weirdest interaction in my entire life, and it only lasted 4 minutes.

The first part of the conversation was just small talk. And even though I knew he would answer, I was still caught off guard when I heard his voice.

I was originally planning on transcribing the entire conversation (I remember more than one might imagine), but in retrospect, I've decided against it. The majority of the conversation itself isn't important, and I'd like to keep some things private. It was almost completely small talk, though I was still able to glean a decent amount of information about Kevin's mindset. (I also managed to slip in a small dig at him towards the end of the conversation, but whether or not he was aware it was meant to be an insult, I don't know.)

But there is one part of the conversation I do want to write about.

You see, I didn't know why I called Kevin at first. All I knew was that I had this sudden, random, intense urge to speak with him. And it wasn't until about halfway through this bizarre exchange that I suddenly understood what the reason was. I had something to ask him.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Did you ever really love me?"

I'm sure for him, the question came out of nowhere. But for me, this question had been bubbling up over the past three years, pressing against my skin, prickling and burning from the inside, with absolutely no relief.

With my first abuser, I knew in my heart he never loved me. It hurt, but I knew that it was true. I truly don't think he's capable of loving anyone. But Kevin...he may be a narcissist, and I do believe that wholeheartedly, but he's not a sociopath. And while his love is the love of a narcissist, he does still love people, in his own, broken way.

For years, even before we broke up, I was tormented by this idea that Kevin had, in fact, NEVER actually loved me at all, at least romantically. That he had only pursued me romantically because he knew it would hurt the woman he dated before me, the person he was really in love with.

I think, though I can't be sure, I called him in this moment of indescribable, inconsolable despair simply because I had nothing to lose. What was the worst thing that could happen? I couldn't possibly feel any lower. So I figured, fuck it, I might as well get an answer one way or the other, and then I can finally stop wondering.

He answered the question immediately, and with no hesitation whatsoever.

"Yeah dude, I loved the shit out of you."

And there it was. No scoff or sneer in his voice. Actually, it was the most genuine I had heard him be in a VERY long time. You see, for the whole conversation, both before and after this moment, Kevin was putting on what I call his "tough guy voice." Kevin has this voice he does when he wants to project an air of "I don't give a fuck about you." It's this big wall he puts up and pushes towards you to protect himself. I don't know if he's aware of how performative it comes across. The funny thing is that I do exactly the same thing, and I'm sure it comes across as just as performative when I do it.

But in that one moment, the tough guy voice fell away. I heard the tonal shift. A one, singular moment of vulnerability.

I was a bit taken aback, both by the momentary shift and by the answer, but I thanked him for answering my question, we wrapped up the conversation, said goodnight, and hung up.

I remember hanging up the phone at 3:26 in the morning and saying out loud and to no one in particular, "What the fuck just happened?"

The crazy thing is, I believe him. He has no reason to lie. If anything, telling me he never loved me would hurt me more, so he would have more reason to say that instead, whether it was true or not. Plus, there was something so sincere in his voice, and I can't look past that.

Is it possible he now feels like he has some sense of power over me? Probably. But I don't care. If anything, that phone call made me feel freer. Not just because I finally have an answer to that question, but because of what I discovered about myself during that short exchange.

While Kevin was putting emotional distance between us, I didn't have to. I wasn't particularly warm or friendly, but I wasn't cold either. I was nothing. I was distant and detached. Even the way I asked my question was matter-of-fact. I could have been asking him what the forecast was for the following day. Crazier still, I had literally just been sobbing uncontrollably and clutching myself. Yet, as soon as I made the choice to call him, it was as if all the emotion just drained out of my body. I was totally neutral. And not because I found the idea of speaking with him comforting or safe, but because he just doesn't have that kind of hold on my emotions anymore.

Maybe that's part of the reason he answered the phone. Maybe he expected me to be distraught and weepy, or that I would scream at him and demand he take accountability. But I didn't do either of those things. I didn't feel the need to, and I still don't. It feels like I shucked off some of the control he has had over me. If that's not growth I don't know what is.

Obviously, I'm still reflecting on the entire interaction, as well as my feelings about it, and I'm sure I have lots more to discover. Perhaps I will write about it some more. Perhaps not.

I don't know if Kevin will read into my call. He did know I was drunk, I told him that pretty early on, so probably not. Regardless, I am certain I'll never hear from him again, which is what I want. And I don't plan on reaching out to him ever again either. There would be no point. My feelings towards him haven't changed. I will never be able to forgive him or think positively of him after everything he did to both me and his other ex-girlfriend. He will never ever take any accountability for anything he did to either of us. He will never apologize or acknowledge how abusive he was. And that's fine. I don't think he'll ever change, and even if he does one day, it's none of my business.

Obviously I am not suddenly cured from the PTSD. I still have the flashbacks and nightmares. I still have so much anger and pain inside of me waiting to be processed. But I feel so much more grounded. Who knew that one answer to one question could bring me so much peace? Especially coming from the person who damaged me so completely? I never expected that.

I don't regret the call. Even if Kevin thinks he's "won" now, if he brags to his friends, if he thinks I'm weak, or whatever else, I don't care. I made that call for me, and I'm so glad I did. Even though I wasn't aware of it until that very moment, I needed the answer to that question. And not only did Kevin answer it, but he answered genuinely, vulnerably, and with no malice or anger in his voice.

While I do not forgive Kevin for it all, I don't like him, nor respect him, and I want absolutely nothing to do with him,

I am grateful that his last act towards me was a kind one. Who could have seen that coming?

#personal #trauma #ex #ex boyfriend #ptsd #cptsd #post traumatic stress disorder #complex post traumatic stress disorder #complex ptsd #reflection

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darfeld · 6 months

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Ok so cringe is dead so here is my theory of the Force (tm). (No title because damn, it would be a bit much) Anyway, and first, I want to say that the following assume nobody in the Star Wars univers has any definitive answer as to what the Force is, what it wants, if it want something at all, and what it can actually do, etc... And neither does any author, myself included. Even when it was only George's Story it was a way to inject cool magic mixed with philosophy and spirituality, but nothing fixed in stone.

From the movie, I'll just use some basic stuff : - "You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship." -- Yoda, ESB The Force isn't just Life, it's everything, or existence. That's how the Force users can move rocks or spaceships. - The Force seems to favor life, peace, generally positive outcome for lifeforms in general.

I don't have a specific quote for that, but everybody who knows of the Force seems to think so, apart from darksiders.

- There is no "Light side", there is just "the Force"

The movies (at least OT and PT... I would have to check the ST) never mention a "light side". I know "light side" has been mentioned elsewhere, but I like the idea the Dark Side is a corruption of the Force and not really a part of it. Because it fit nicely with the fact that: - The Dark Side corrupts and destroy.

That's what it is actually good at. It corrupt the minds of its users and is whenever it is used it causes pain, suffering and destruction. And not "constructive destruction" like what you would do when you cut a tree to make fournitures, the kind that leaves radioactive waste in its pass. That's the entire point of Anakin's story, and of most darksider known to canon. Also, I don't think we know of any power which would be "light side" only. Vader can use any trick a Jedi can, and even the healing at the end of RoS can probably be done by any darksider who would want to consider it for whatever reason. So there you have it. Those are pretty consistent stuff through the canon, except maybe the light side stuff, but this seems to be more a thing people say to mark the opposition to the dark side than anything actually different from just "the Force", and people don't go "may the light side be with you" or something. The "light side" is the default, normal state of the Force. Does the Force have a will? Well the Jedi seems to believe so, and so does the gardians of the whills. If they're right, the Force point them at problem to resolve and count on them to so the actual stuff. It can apparently "see" possible futures and show them to people who are perceptive to it. It could also be that the Force is vaste power without sentience, only vague instinct of avoiding death and suffering because it is in all living thing and so it feels all living things. But then, there is the Mortis arc... I don't really like it's implication, but I can find a place for it in my theory. Imagine, if you will, that the Force IS sentient and intelligent. But it's the mind of all living thing present and past mixed together in a way that makes it impossible to understand, and also make it unable to understand more or less humanoid creatures. It needs proxys. And before it can make one universal proxy, people made there own mind about gods governing the supernatural stuffs they witness. The Mortis Gods are that : three manifestation of what people in the past though was the Force. So when they die in the Mortis arc, obviously the Force doesn't disappear, only those manifestations, that were long forgotten anyway. This also fit with the Force Ghosts : Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Yoda found a way to keep their persona in the Force, acting as proxy for the Force. That's why Obi-Wan tells Vador he will become more powerful than he ever imagine : He basically tells Vador "I will become the Force". Somehow the Force can't just Force choke Vader and the Emperor to death on its own, so that's too bad... The same thing kinda happen with Bogan and Ashla : At the start, they are just two part of the Force, theorized by some old Force users, possibly old Jedi. Bogan being associated with passions, strong emotion good and bad, and Ashla with peace, ease of mind, logic, etc... Turns out strong emotion can be manipulated and corrupted, so later Bogan is associated with the Dark Side, and Jedi focus more on Ashla or rather the value it is more associated with and become wary of Bogan. But Bogan is NOT the dark side, it's an important part of the Force. (like half of it)

The Jedi then became gardian of peace in the Galaxy. Taking only the least actions to achieve it, by fear of escalating conflicts and creating suffering. The trouble with that way of thinking is you can find yourself on the side of oppression in the name of peace. Seeing how the Galactic Republic is doing by the time Anakin flew off of Tatooine, this is a problem the Jedi haven't been good at dealing with. Anakin could have been the one to bring balance to the Force, not by ending the Sith and/or the Jedi, but because he is passionate, and he could have helped the Jedi see the injustices in the galaxy or maybe just force them to do something about them. (That is, if he got some basic sentimental and political education at any point in his life by anyone else that Sheev Fucking Palpatine)

So in conclusion the Force (tm) is an eldritch god that is literally the essence of the whole universe, it want most of all to not hurt and he tries clumsily to communicate with the beings inside him to try to not hurt. And the dark side is a part of itself trying to exist at the expense of the whole.

#Star Wars #The Force #It's just a Theory #A Force theory!!#sorry #long post

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sirthisisa-wendys · 3 years

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The Sacrifice Part 5.5: Geto Suguru x Fem!Reader

synopsis: You have the opportunity to do something new with the Dragon God as your guide.

wc: 1.4k

tw: NSFW

masterlist

The rising of the sun brings you out of your dreamless sleep, and the pinks, oranges, and light yellows of the sky greet you from the floor to ceiling windows in Geto’s bedroom. As usual, heavy arms are laced around you and pin you to a broad chest you instinctively know belongs to Geto.

In the early morning light, you take the time to think. Pondering upon your life became a common thing to do upon awakening, and you lay in the embrace of the Dragon God for a while before daring to move a muscle. Now you’re used to the heavy sleeper behind you not being disturbed by your movements, but when you attempt to move today, his arms pull you in closer.

“Another hour,” he murmurs into your ear, and you consider giving in for a second before moving again. “Thirty more minutes,” he offers, but you chuckle and attempt to free yourself by prying his arms off of you. Geto presses himself fully against you this time. And you feel the hardness between his legs rub against your thigh like a reminder of your effect on him. “Give me ten minutes.” A kiss is pressed into the crook of your neck, and your resolve dwindles into nothingness.

You admit you did want Geto to do this very thing the night before, but he had thrown you off, stating that he would rather have you sober at the moment.

Well, now you’re sober.

Fingers dance on the edges of your night slip, and you wonder if he’s really going to allow himself the pleasure, despite being a disciplined, rigid, Dragon God. But when his lips touch your earlobe and his teeth graze it after, you know you’re in for something much different than before. You turn in his arms to face him head-on, then whisper,

“Please.” That one word seems to take its time sinking in, but when it does, Geto’s face changes from sleep-riddled to purposeful. The sheets fly off the bed, and he presses his lips to yours eagerly. While he kisses you, his hands dip below your slip and between your thighs. You part your legs on instinct, and he tests your arousal by swiping a finger across your folds.

It appears to be to his liking, because Suguru dips a finger into you, the digit probing back and forth. A moan escapes your lips, much to your dismay, and you pull back, covering your mouth with your hand.

“Sorry,” you exhale. Geto smiles, pulling your fingers away from your face.

“I want to hear you. Sing for me, little songbird,” he replies, adding another finger into your core. Another gasp is evoked from you as he uses both fingers to draw more sounds out, playing you like a fine-tuned instrument. “Beautiful…” he coos, watching your face change from surprise to arousal.

You can’t help yourself, you reason. You want to feel all of these things. Tension builds in the pit of your stomach as he presses his thumb against your sensitive bud, rubbing smooth circles around it and collecting the slick from the fingers deep inside of you.

“Geto.” You grip the arm of the fingers that are inside of you, praying that he would move faster if only a fraction. He seems to understand your unspoken plea and moves his fingers rapidly, still intently watching your face with his black eyes. You moan as the tension begins to crest, and something in you screams for some type of release. The scream gets louder and louder, and sensations begin to build one on top of the other before… before… before…

The world explodes around you, and you close your eyes, deafening yourself to the sounds of your own feral groan as Geto whispers,

“That’s it… Cum for me, my love. That’s it… you’re doing amazing.” His soft words of praise make you shake even more, and your hips drive deeper onto his fingers in response. The sensation of things unraveling around you ends, and you open your eyes, stars dancing in your vision as you come back down from nirvana.

Geto slides his fingers out of you and places them into his mouth one by one, starting with his index finger. You’re confused but aroused still, so you watch in silence as he finishes then shucks his pants off onto the ground. When he rolls back over, his length is hard - which was anticipated - and he rubs his fingers across his shaft slowly, letting you observe before grabbing your top leg.

“Don’t worry,” he breathes, his face close to yours. “I’ll go slow.” His cockhead finds your entrance easily, then slides between your tender folds. You hiss when his cock presses into you, the slowness of the movement much more uncomfortable than you thought it would be. Your hand flies to his chest and he notices when your nails dig into his skin, then stops his movements. “Does it hurt?”

“A little,” you reply, gritting your teeth.

“Hey, relax your core for me,” he encourages you, pressing a hand on your tense stomach. You do as he asks, and he starts again, pushing into you with much less resistance than before. He goes halfway, then pulls out, beginning his stroke upward again. After a few strokes, there’s no resistance left in your bones, and Geto fully sheaths himself inside of you, holding your hips close to him. The movement is seamless, and you lose yourself in the rocking of your hips against his, clutching his broad arms for support.

“Oh my gods,” you moan, and Suguru pulls your leg up by your knee, suddenly reaching a spot you didn’t know even existed. You’d heard of the women in your city calling it “mind-blowing” but this… this feels deep and spiritual, especially since you’re making love to a god. A kiss to your forehead brings you back to the present and Geto murmurs,

“Get out of that pretty little head of yours. Stay right here with me, y/n,” before going back to hitting that sensitive spot within you just right. You’re sure the entire Temple can hear you two moaning and grunting, but you don’t care. All you want is to feel bliss, all provided by Geto Suguru, the Dragon God. And it isn’t long before you do just that, eyes rolling back into your head as he continues to rut into you.

“Oh,” you gasp, and Geto grunts, his nose pressing into your neck as his eyes screwed shut.

“I’m going to cum,” he pants, and you nod, wanting him to tip over the edge with you. And as you both fall into oblivion together, there isn’t much you can say or do except feel the universe expand together, the shudders and sighs of ecstasy bringing you both pleasure. You come down from your high first, then Geto follows you, resting his face on your chest. Your mind drifts off into the abyss, sleep making the edges around your lover’s face fade into the black, inky darkness once more.

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The second time you wake up, Geto is gone. A quick survey of the room proves that he’s nowhere within arm’s length, and you wonder what he’s gone off to do. Seconds after you place your feet on the floor, however, Clymenestra comes into the room, holding a blue and white bundle.

“Good morning, Cly,” you whisper, rubbing your eyes. When her eyes flick to the bed then back to you, you blink, praying she wouldn’t ask the obvious question about the sheets, the clothes, the… wet spot. But Cly’s eyes brighten, and her lips turn up into a smile.

“I see you had a good night.” You look away, hoping she wouldn’t catch the look on your face that would give everything away. “Geto told me to come and fetch you. It appears that the God of Rain is coming within the hour to speak with you about your situation.” Your heart speeds up, eyes widening at the sound of this news.

“Within the hour?”

“You’d better hurry, too. Yuta isn’t a patient god.” You scramble out of bed and into the bathroom, realizing you would have only one chance to bring the rain back to your city and save your people. One chance to change the fate of a thousand starving citizens who gave you up to the Dragon God to be murdered.

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TAGLIST: @nostaren @sunfloweroranges @jibe-gajima @jotazinha @brownskinnedgirll @leanne-tamashi @vabybizzle @amaris9 @fuegy-fuegy @ambiguous-something @kontentious @missbonekitty @fyotituti @honouredsatoru @sandyscastle @flare-on @sasahime @ggotgame @just4readingfics

#getou #getou suguru #geto suguru #geto x reader #jjk geto #jujutsu kaisen #geto smut #jjk smut #jjk x reader

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jimin-is-so · 3 years

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This is the end, everyone. Thank you so much for following, liking, reblogging... but most of all, for making me feel understood and not alone in my 'strong feelings' (errr, let's put it that way, lol) towards this beautiful creature.

This edit is super special to me. I truly left the best for last, and I will tell you a little tale about the time I stumbled upon it.

I love to study astrology, and lately have dabbled with vedic (i.e. ancient Indian astrology). They have this concept that our lifetime is divided into great periods called Mahadashas that can last from 6 to 20 years; each of these 9 periods is influenced by a certain planet or position in our chart (such as Sun, Moon, Mars and so on).

Anyway, after studying my own chart I decided to take a look at the BTS boys'. I was surprised to see that, according to his chart, Jimin has just shifted from Rahu (north lunar node) period to Jupiter. He spent the last 18 years in Rahu dasha!

So I studied about this period and it's generally considered a difficult one, during which we are very driven, determined and even greedy to reach our goals and ambitions but are constantly stumbling upon hardships, sudden changes, enemies, mental confusion, gains and losses, etc. They say it's easy to get corrupted and driven insane during this time, letting our baser instincts take over us.

And I thought: 'Is this right? because even if Jiminie has always been pretty ambitious and driven, and even if his life has indeed been very challenging, I don't see a speck of corruption on him'.

But then I found out that actually all of these periods have specific challenges and all of them have a 'remedy', which is the energy/attitude necessary to go through the challenges and come out victorious at the end. And you know which is the remedy for the Rahu dasha?

Gratitude and generosity.

And I was like: wow, now this make sense! Because this boy has been through A LOT in past years, had many ups and downs, many challenges, a lot of mental hardships dealing with pressure, fame and criticism, also many conquests and victories... but he never forgot to give back - to his family, his teachers, his members and his fans. And the gratitude thing goes without saying. All the BTS boys express gratitude often, but Jimin really goes the extra mile, I think. Things like "our ARMY has won an award", that deep bow he posted a few months ago... he even thanked ARMY's parents for giving birth to them on his last vlive!

While I was learning all this, I stumbled across this edit and it was just... the perfect representation of Jimin's best qualities for me: generous, loving, genuine, bright, uplifiting... in fact, for all his fans, he is the remedy for their sadness and loneliness. Is it even possible to watch it and not be smiling all the time?

Because of these beautiful qualities, he inspires me every day and, in the end, I'm the one left feeling so grateful for his existence.

(btw, according to vedic astrology, he has just moved to his Jupiter mahadasha of 16 years, which is mostly expected to be a very auspicious period of honor, respect, wisdom and spirituality... i look forward to it!).

Anyways.... it might be the end of this blog, but let's save our tears for another day. As long as Jiminie is out there, shining bright... we all have a great reason to smile :)

Day 365 - Jimin is so giving.

#park jimin #jimin #bts

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softykooky · 4 years

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Sanctuary : One

A/N: This is my first ever fic! I’m a new writer and I’m just starting so please go easy on me :) Also, I edited this way too quickly so forgive me if there are any grammar mistakes. Please let me know what you think and if you would like more parts! Request anything you like!

Summary: Seoul's drug ring is sovereign of a small group fo 7 men, who have just gotten their hands on the ambassador's daughter.

Warnings: physical/emotional abuse, guns, violence, kidnapping...

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There was always something so surreal and soft about a cup of black coffee in a cafe that you have never been to, sitting across from a ghost in a booth that you have never sat in. You cradled a cup of lukewarm coffee between the palm of your hands, periodically sighing into the cold air of the room. The barista had given you a few side glances. A normal behavior though, you’ve been sitting here for a good couple hours now. There was nowhere else to go, and the cafe would give you a couple hours to think of a place to sleep for the night before inevitably walking around a park and finding a nice cozy bench. You looked outside the window.

Rain. At least it wasn’t hail. Better to go to bed drenched than in pain.

From the corner of your eye, you could see the barista approaching you, apprehensively and like she was there out of obligation.

“Is there anything you need at all? You want me to freshen up that coffee for you?” Her name tag read Kim.

Yes, there are a lot of things I need. No, you can’t help me with any of them.

“No, that’s alright. I’m so sorry, am I taking too long here?”, you began to pack up your bag full of nothing and made way to move out of the booth.

“No, no, I was just checking up. Take as much time as you need.” She left you alone after, walking away with no intent to wait for your answer. People always do that. You looked outside the window again, and the rain had worsened, now slamming against the glass so intensely you felt it vibrating against the table. It was so loud. Almost loud enough so that you couldn’t hear when gunshots erupted through the door of the cafe.

No. No. Not more of this.

Out of instinct and past reflex, you ducked down under the booth table, making yourself as small as you could. You didn’t dare to let out another breath. The other patrons of the cafe had scattered immediately, some making it out the door in a sonic sprint. Your eyes shot to the barista, who was standing there shaking uncontrollably with a strawberry smoothie nestled in her hands, eyes wide staring at the group of men who had just open fired.

“Ah boys. I was wondering when you would arrive. It’s rude to leave your guests waiting, you know.” The voice came from a man sitting in the corner of the room, still sipping on a cappuccino with his face tucked under a hat.

“Cut the shit, Mino. What happened to our shipment at the port in Gwangju?” His voice was sharp. Seething and filled with an intense hatred that could be heard from the tone alone. You would hate to be Mino right now. You looked around again, and the cafe had already been cleared out. The barista was nowhere in sight. What luck.

“I know what happened.” A different voice from the same group of men.

“You stopped it before it got on the boat. Tipped off Hyun’s crew that our goods were in transit and you, spineless as you are, gave up our protection and loyalty for a couple million that they offered you.” The man’s words seemed to silence the room. You held your breath, only watching the scene unfold before you.

The man named Mino coughed into his cup. He set it down, then idiotically tried to sprint out of the cafe and away from the grasps of a group of heavily armed men. Even you wanted to laugh. They cornered him, backs turned to where your booth was. This was your chance. You can run and they’ll never know you were here. The barista popped into your mind again. You couldn’t leave her alone.

You crawled out of your hiding space under the booth, making your way to the counter and trying to ignore the sound of Mino being beaten to a pulp that made a familiar anxiety bubble in your chest. You had to focus and not blow into a panic attack. Your advance was almost completely soundless, and the mystery men were far too preoccupied to notice you behind them. You peeked through to the counter, finding a shivering barista who still clutched a strawberry milkshake like her life depended on it. Her eyes held your gaze, tears streaming down her cheek. You mouthed for her to follow you as you turned around once again, preparing for the treacherous trek to the door.

“Mino, we could have been such good allies. Is that your price of betrayal? A million and a half?” A punch to the stomach. Uppercut to the jaw. “I would like to think we are more expensive than that, don’t you boys?” You winced, spiritually sending condolences to Mino. Sounds like he messed up real bad.

You held onto the barista’s hands behind you, slowly standing up and walking gingerly out the door with her in tow.

Okay Y/N you’re halfway there. Just a little bit more. Quietly, you’ve done this before.

The men turned around.

Oh fuck.

The only thing you could think of was flinging the barista in front of you and running full speed to the door, now busted in its frame with pieces of shattered glass on the ground. “Shit. Run, Kim! Go!” You yelled in your haste, still pushing her in front of you. If it hadn’t been for the hand that had suddenly encased itself around your upper arm, you would have made it too. You were pulled back into a hard chest, sighing in relief as Kim sprinted out to the other end of the street, not looking back once. Watching her, you wished you could have done the same for your sister. Now you were going to die. But it was okay because you saved someone from the same fate,

“What the fuck is wrong with you? The gunshots didn’t scare you away?” You turned to his face. If this were a normal day, you would’ve been in awe at how handsome this stranger was. Had it not been for his increasingly tight grip on your hand and a gun in the other. You couldn’t speak. Couldn’t even breathe. You thought you had already escaped this part of your life.

“What? Are you mute?” He squeezed your arm more, eyebrows furrowing as steam seemed to shoot out of his ears. You whimpered in pain, which seemed to soften his demeanor and loosen his grip.

“I-I’m sorry. I couldn’t get out in time.” Tears had involuntarily made their way down your cheeks. He sighed, turning his gaze to the other men in the room who had been tensely watching. Wow. Leave it to you to get yourself tangled in a shootout with the most beautiful criminals you had ever seen in your life.

“Whatever. Mino’s taken care of. Just take her with, she’s already heard everything. No loose ends.” The man in the middle said nonchalantly. Your face paled.

“No. No you can’t. Please, I promise I won’t say a thing. I’ll pretend it never happened.” Now it was your turn to hold onto the man, shaking in his grasp as you pleaded. You couldn’t go back to this violence. He stared at you in disinterest.

“Please, don’t take me.” You had begun to cry more intensely, feeling an impending doom over your head. It never matters what you want. What you need. The world just kept going on. The men exchanged knowing glances, restraining and dragging you to the black SUV that had been parked outside. You didn’t fight then. It was useless. This life will always drag you back.

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When you woke up from a sleep of exhaustion, you were still in the car. Both your hands and legs had been tied with scratchy rope that dug into your bleeding skin. You looked around at the men, who were all occupied with something and chatting with each other as if they hadn’t just shot up a cafe and beaten a man to an inch of his life. You coughed to clear your throat, but were too scared to say anything else. A man with wavy black hair looked your way, almost sneering at your presence.

“Princess is awake.” He spit out the words, making you confused. Were you so terrible even from such a short encounter? You looked down at your hands instead, staying silent. The car drove for god knows how long before it stopped in front of a house that you assumed costs more than your life. Before you could gawk anymore, the same man gripped onto your bruised forearm and dragged you out of the car. You bit your tongue at the pain, cooperating with everything.

They seemed to fling you around like you were a ragdoll. Next thing you knew, you were being shoved down ungracefully on a chair in a white room, staring at your own reflection in the mirror you faced. For making it through a gun ambush, you looked pretty okay. The door opened to a man, a gentle smile on his face.

“Hello Y/N.” You froze, wide eyes coming up to meet his gaze.

“How do you know my name?” Your voice shook as you spoke, fear seeping into every word. He held up an ID card that you had left in your bag.

“What a coincidence, huh? That when we took someone captive it would be the daughter of the Japanese ambassador.” The same anxiety from before bubbled up again, threatening to spill out of you.

“I...I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He chuckled humorlessly, taking a seat across from you and tossing a file onto the table with your face plastered on the front.

“Says here you ran away a couple months ago right? I wonder why though...was Daddy not giving you enough weekly allowances? Didn’t get you the latest season of Saint Laurent that you wanted?” He spit the words at you as if they were poison, making you recoil back into your seat. You wouldn’t tell him the reason you ran away, but you wished it was because of something measly like Saint Laurent.

“Ah, silent treatment. Well, Ms. Y/N. I’m sure your father would reward us handsomely for the return of his beloved daughter, don’t you think?” His words made a chill shoot up your spine and tears welled in your eyes.

“No!” You screamed in his face, catching him off guard.

“Please….please don’t do that. Please don’t send me back. I’ll do anything. Anything but that.”

Your desperation seemed to confuse him further as his frown deepened and he looked at you curiously. He seemed to be deep in thought before his expression flattened once again, cold eyes staring back into your teary ones.

“Do you know how many people would kill to be in your privileged position? The money that your family has? Do you know how fortunate you are?” He judged you, tutting as he flipped open the file to read more. You shook your head, staring down at your tied hands and trying to soothe the sharp ache in your chest.

“Yeah….so fortunate.” You laughed, refusing to meet his gaze once again. If your old life had been considered fortunate, you wouldn’t even want to know what was considered unlucky. He stayed silent, only reading up on the details of your life more. 22 years old. Black hair. Brown eyes. Daughter of the Japanese ambassador and distinguished family. Your father is a business tycoon and your mother his arm candy. One sibling; a sister. Allergic to shellfish.

“Well, Ms. Y/N, if you are so desperate to not return to your cushy life with a silver spoon, you’ll stay here until we figure out what we should do with you.” He pulled you up from your seat and signaled you to follow him. The house you were in was almost as grand as your own, hallways spanning for what seemed to be miles. You guessed that the chandelier above you was Swarovski; you had the same one in your dining room. You felt annoyance gnawing at the back of your head. Who was he to judge you when your lifestyles were so aligned.

“You’ll be staying in here.” The man opened a door to a large room with a queen size bed in the middle. It looked like your room back home, and you wanted to throw up. Your expression didn’t go unnoticed as the man rolled his eyes.

“My sincerest apologies if the room is not up to her highnesses’ standards.” He shoved you roughly through the doorway, making you stumble over your own shaky feet. The man turned to leave but was stopped by your meek and quivering voice.

“W-What’s your name?” You muttered, ignoring the fear you could hear in your own words.

“Not that I owe it to you or anything,” he said coldly.

“It’s Namjoon.”

Namjoon. The name suited him. Suited his confident gait and his cold but calculating stare. You wanted to yell in his face. Tell him that you weren’t the spoiled brat princess he had made you out to be. Scream the reason why you ran away. But you couldn’t. After all your father and family have put you through, you knew how important his job was and what a high government figure he was. You couldn’t threaten that position. Your father was still your father once, and not the monster he has become.

You collapsed on the soft bed after washing up as best you could, with no intention of sleeping. Sleeping risks having a nightmare, and your state was already fragile as it was. You turned on the bedside lamp and tucked yourself into the goose-feathered blanket, finally processing everything that had happened today. It seemed to crash like a ton of bricks, and you let out the pain on a poor, ill-fated pillow that had the unfortunate fate of being near.

A knock sounded from the other side of the door and swung open immediately afterwards. You bolted up to a sitting position.

“Could you keep it down? I’m in the room next to you.” His words felt like a slap in the face, and you could feel another bout of tears surfacing but swallowed down to avoid being pummeled by your captor.

“Oh”, you hiccuped, “sorry.”

“What? Do the sheets not have high enough thread count? I’ll get someone on that”. His words were mocking and rude, and try as you did, you couldn’t stop the dry sob that forced its way out of your throat. His lips curled up into a smirk. You hated that they assumed everything about who you were. You hated being taken. You hated whoever this is that told you to be quiet.

“Taehyung! What are you doing in there?” A silver voice cut through the hallway and you halted your hysterical sobbing in anticipation and fear. Another man. One of the ones in the cafe. There had been seven of them, you weren’t sure. He looked at you and softened at your red and blotchy face.

“Did you make her cry, you brat?” He slapped Taehyung across the shoulder, making him roll his eyes.

“I told you to go easy and look at what you did.” He seemed to be lecturing the other man like a parent figure. It would’ve made you giggle had you not been sobbing.

“H-He didn’t make me cry. I was crying before...I was being t-too loud. I’m sorry.” Wiping away the tears that had clouded over helped you see the new man. Of course, dangerously handsome and aura dripping in elegance.

“Yeah, Jin-hyung, I was just trying to hack the cameras in the embassy but I couldn’t do it while it sounded like a funeral next door.” Taehyung huffed, rubbing the spot where he got hit. So this new guy’s name was Jin. You made a mental list in your head. So far you have figured out Namjoon, Taehyung, and Jin.

Jin approached you and gently wiped away the steady stream of tears on your face. You nearly gasped in surprise. Ever since the cafe, everyone has been so rough with you. Come to think of, it’s been so long since anyone has ever touched you with care and no intent to hurt. You flinched at the unfamiliarity, which made Jin frown before moving away.

“Come on Tae, let’s let Y/N get some sleep.” He ushered Taehyung towards the door and closed it gently. You were alone, again. With nothing but your thoughts.

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“Y/N, you’re fucking useless. We had you to make our family look better, and you can’t even serve that simple purpose.” Your father spit the words at you, accompanied with a stinging slap across the cheek. Some days were worse than others. At least he wasn’t hitting your sister.

“God, why the fuck did the universe give me this pathetic excuse of a fucking daughter?” He kicked you in the stomach.

“All I asked was to not go out and let the press see you.”

Punch to the jaw.

“And you can’t even do one fucking thing right.”

Another kick.

He always said the words eerily calm. That’s how you’d know he was angry. He would never yell, just said it simply and without waver as he beat you into the floor and your mother pretended not to hear from the other room.

“I should just get rid of you now. You’d make a good whore.” His fists rained down on you. By the end of it, you laid still and let him finish taking his anger out on you. It was never worth fighting back, anyway. He would just hit you twice as hard.

You woke up with a gasp, hands clutching onto the blanket that was held to your chest and gulping in air desperately. You had started crying in your sleep, leaving a wet stain on the pillow and your body felt sticky from sweat. This was why you avoided sleeping in the first place, but it seems you cried yourself exhausted last night and drifted away. A cough came from the open doorway, as a man peered in with a tray of food. His shocked eyes told you that he had been here before you woke up.

“Food.” He uttered. He walked closer to your bedside table and paused, taking in the scene before him. You were having a nightmare when he came in, and all he knew to do was stare at you until you woke up. He swiftly placed the tray onto the nightstand, and you flinched in response, which confused Jungkook even more. He shook it off, turning to make his way out the door. Before he could leave, though, you yelled out and asked for his name.

“It’s Jungkook.” His eyes avoided your’s.

“Jungkook...thank you for bringing that for me.” His hands froze on the doorknob. He never expected someone like you to have manners at all, much less for the same group of people that kidnapped you off the streets. Jungkook left with no more words exchanged.

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“Hyung...did you notice something weird about Y/N?” Jungkook fiddled with his fork as they all sat around a dining table eating breakfast. He had been feeling off all morning after Y/N, like something was gnawing at the back of his mind.

“Who? The girl we kidnapped?” Taehyung questioned, mouth full of scrambled eggs as he insisted on shoving more in. He looked at Jungkook confusedly.

“Yeah..she’s just jumpy. More than most. And when I went to give her food, she was having a nightmare and pleading for someone to stop.” Jungkook knew the signs. He knew what that looked like. He’s experienced it.

Jin looked up from his newspaper and sipped a cup of black coffee. “Come to think of it, yes actually. She flinched away from me yesterday and I barely moved.” Jin didn’t give it another thought, though, returning to his newspaper crossword puzzle.

“I dunno Kook, it’s probably nothing. Probably dreaming about someone stealing her Birkin.” The group chuckled at Yoongi’s jab lightheartedly.

“Yeah, you’re probably right”, Jungkook pushed down his suspicions. He was probably reading too much into things. Those are miniscule signs and he was in no way a profiler.

Taehyung chugged a glass of orange juice after his mouthful of eggs. “Besides, she just got snatched off the street by a bunch of strangers.” He looked at Jungkook, trying to assuage whatever he’s got his head roped up in.

The group spent the rest of the morning laughing over breakfast and briefing over the duties they were each responsible for. More like a group of old friends rather than business partners of an underground mafia that dominated the entire Seoul drug ring. You really had no idea what you had gotten yourself into, and what being the ambassador’s daughter means for you. Namjoon would have to decide by the end of the day what the course of action is regarding your situation. Giving you back to your father would put them in his favor. They would have an in to high-level government officials. However, keeping you would give them leverage to hold over the ambassador’s head. What Namjoon didn’t know, though, was why you were so insistant on not going back. He was going to make it his goal to find out.

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curlsofsagesmoke · 3 years

Text

More Analysis of Leadership in TMNT because I Cannot Be Stopped

(really at this point these are just notes for myself as I work on my really long really ambitious tmnt fic, but this is also kind of a follow up to that first analysis I did of the Leo/donnie leadership plot line.)

I've already discussed Leo and donnie as leaders, but I was thinking about season 3, and there are some really interesting moves that the writers make in terms of Raph maturing as a leader in Northampton (and donnie kind of getting the short end of the stick, but what else is new).

so aside from how poorly the writers handled the Leo/donnie plot, which I discussed in the post I linked above, it seems like the season two finale was meant to be the writers' way of saying "hey look we gave donnie a chance to lead and he fucked up, so now we're gonna pass the mantle onto raph." because raph does slip into the leader role in Northampton.

on the one hand, it's annoying to see donnie's leadership potential get shunted aside yet again. I do think all four of them have the potential to be great leaders if they have the chance to mature and develop their skills, so I'm not mad at raph getting the chance to be a good leader. however, the writer's spent two seasons building up donnie's potential as leader, and, as I've mentioned before, we get no closure from them abandoning this plot line. in the farmhouse arc, donnie (and Mikey!) gets forced into that goofy, slightly less competent younger brother role that we saw most often in season one (regarding the a-team/b-team thing).

on the other hand, I love to see any kind of character development for these characters, because it's so rare for anyone in TMNT (2012) to go through lasting change. like seriously, there is not one single stable character arc in the entire show. and raph does make a pretty good leader! his problem with leading (seen in New Girl in Town) is that he panics under pressure. out at the farmhouse, where the threats aren't as serious as the ones they faced in the city, raph becomes a pretty good leader. he's the one watching over and encouraging Leo, training with April and casey, and attempting to continue donnie and Mikey's training in the forest. he's calmer, seems less angry, and is more mature. we do love to see it.

admittedly, this could've fit in really well with the "donnie as leader" plot started in seasons one and two. the invasion was a huge blow to donnie's pride and it probably did shake his confidence in himself a lot. if the plot line had continued into season three, the farmhouse arc could've been a good way for donnie to kind of recover from the failure that was the invasion. we could've seen him struggle to accept his mistakes and learn to overcome his self doubt, the way that Leo did in season one (many times).

raph becoming the de facto leader could've fit in, too! not only would it have been an obstacle for donnie to overcome (aka accepting that just because raph is a good leader on the farm doesn't mean donnie is a bad one in the city) but it probably would've been a good character move for raph, too. raph would've gained a deeper understanding of Leo's burdens and responsibilities, and it's a good way to show how he's matured over the course of two and a half seasons.

and the vision quest episode (kind of the only episode in the whole farmhouse arc where anyone undergoes any kind of serious character development) would've been sick as hell if this plot was continued. because as it stands, vision quest doesn't make a whole lot of sense. they all have challenges to overcome, but the writers tried to force the characters back into the roles they occupied in season one. donnie needed to learn to use his strength as well as his mind, raph needed to learn to control his temper, mikey needed to learn to focus, and Leo needed to overcome his injury (which the splinter-ghost implies is a mental/spiritual block that Leo put in his own path).

but that doesn't make any sense! it's been two and a half seasons at this point, and there should've been more nuanced challenges. Raph's temper in season three isn't nearly as bad as in season one, and it doesn't make sense for him to have to go through that whole learning moment again. same with mikey and his focus; yes he's still immature and easily distracted, but not nearly as much as in season one. donnie's strength challenge is dumb, too, because it's not strength that allows him to defeat tiger claw---it's leverage, which is more of a mental victory than a physical one. and don't even get me started on Leo. "pain is all in your head" is quite possibly the worst lesson in the history of fiction. Leo went through serious trauma and almost died, and splinter-ghost expected him to simply ignore it, as if it was like doubt holding him back? he need physical therapy, not to have to fight a giant shredder in some kind of weird spirit world.

imagine this instead. Mikey's challenge is stillness. he doesn't have a problem focusing when he needs to, but he's a very physical person, and he needs to learn to use his head: to calm himself down, to be still, etc. etc. Raph's challenge is similar. he needs to learn to control his emotions; not just anger, but also his panic and anxiety. he needs to pull himself back into the moment when he gets overwhelmed and prevent himself from panicking when things go wrong. donnie's challenge is confidence. after the invasion, understandably he's shaken and he's probably having trouble trusting himself as a leader, so he needs to learn to accept failure and trust his skills and his instincts. and Leo's challenge is patience. at the farmhouse he gets frustrated really easily by how slowly he's healing, and in the invasion he lost his patience really fast when he and donnie fought. during the vision quest he needs to learn to have patience with himself and not push his limits too far.

I don't even have a conclusion for this little rant. at this point I'm just salty about the writing in the show---not that the writing is straight up bad. it just seems like the writers didn't care about the characters enough to include character depth, character arcs, or meaningful relationships between the characters when they were writing the show. but I guess that's why I'm writing that fic; if you can see the problem, you can fix it, and boy do I see a lot of problems.

#wow another rant #tmnt 2012 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #leonardo #donatello #raphael #michelangelo #Leo 2012 #donnie 2012 #raph 2012 #mikey 2012 #casey jones #April o'neil #fic #actually this is a shameless plug for my fic as well #rant

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teeztheflag · 4 years

Text

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I n n e r e r D ä m o n (inner demon)

⋆ pairing: demon!seong hwa x reader (poly!ateez)

⋆ genre: demon au, suggestive, crack, smut

⋆ warnings: strong language, smut, dom, scary

⋆ words: 3,100

⋆ „It is cold and already dark outside. You should have dinner with us and then sleep here.“

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„Guys? Are you there?“ You stood in the door step of the grand mansion tingling the keys in your hands.

„(y/n)?“ Seong Hwa came out of the kitchen eying you friendly with a tea in his hand.

„Oh, you’re here. Where are the others?“

Closing the door behind you and getting rid of your shoes the latter gave you a peck on your cheek with a slight grin.

„Library.“

You nodded at him and followed into the kitchen.

Days were getting colder now and your nose immediately picked up the smell of the dish the demon was cooking.

You crouched down in front of the oven to take a peak at what was cooking deliciously inside it.

„Tea?“

You glanced up seeing Seong Hwa already prepared a cup for you. You took it from him with a smile thanking the boy.

„You don’t even want to ask why I am here?“

„No, I am always happy when you come. Don’t need to know the reason.“

You roll your eyes at his cheeky comment and sip from the hot cup.

„Mh, well, I will tell you nonetheless. I originally wanted to ask if some of you wanted to join me pick out a dress for the fall ball.“

„Oh, I would like to help you but I promised the guys that dinner would be ready when they arrive...“

„No problem. I am just too lazy to go by myself. Mind if I join you a little bit?“

„Absolutely not! But for now we have to wait about half an hour so I was really just going to chill on the couch.“

„Okay.“

Soon you found yourself cuddled on the couch and you just couldn’t warm up so Seong Hwa decided to take you into his arms.

You didn’t complain because he was really warm and it was hard to not fall asleep in his arms. From behind you could feel his breath tingling the small hairs of your neck and additionally he just started to massage your shoulders.

It was all too good if there wouldn’t be this bulge pressing into your back that would make you go crazy.

Seong Hwa leans down and kisses your ear which earns him a slight whine from you.

„Why aren’t you sleeping?“

„I-isn’t it obvious?“

You can hear a low chuckle coming from him realizing what you mean. Oops, he couldn’t hold that back.

„I am sorry. We could make something about it by the way...“

You were glad the demon couldn’t see your face because it turned red like a strawberry. Of course Seong Hwa listened to your heart beat that just seemed to increase in speed.

„I don’t think that would be a good idea...“

Seong Hwa sits up and turns your face to him so you’re eye to eye.

„Why not?“

„I don’t k-know...“ Why are you stuttering?

„You don’t find me attractive?“

Was he dumb? Did he look into a mirror from time to time? Right now his hair looked softer than ever and his eyes were as dark as the night. Only you knew if you looked deeper into the dark orbs you could see a galaxy hiding inside it that entrapped you entirely if you looked too long.

His lips looked very inviting while he tried to read your mind.

„(y/n)?“

„What?“

„You just zoned out.“

„Oh, yes. Maybe I should go.“

You took Seong Hwa‘s hands from your face and tried to stand up. The demon stopped you and pulled you down with him again.

„It is cold and already dark outside. You should have dinner with us and then sleep here.“

„No.“

He frowned at you tightening his grip around your wrists that layed above you.

„Or yes?“ A smile emerged on his face and he stood up.

„Dinner should be ready. Will you help me?“

„Of course...“

Well, that wasn’t scary at all.

You help to decorate the table with Seong Hwa and run to the door when you hear the others finally arriving back home.

First boy you see is Hong Joong and you couldn’t hold yourself back to run into his arms and kiss his neck. The boy himself is a little bit confused to find you waiting at their home but quickly engulfs you in his arms, too.

San whistles while taking off his shoes eyeing the scene. „If this isn’t a nice surprise I don’t know.“

Hong Joong takes in your scent humming peacefully into your ear. „What are you doing here, baby?“

You lean back and smile at him lovingly.

„Seong Hwa didn’t let me go.“

Woo Young turns suspicious at this and screams at the older one. „Hyung!“

„What?“

„Mh, Hwa seems to be a little bit out of it.“

Yun Ho takes his brother and inspects him.

„What is it?“

„You seem off, hyung. Thirsty... Well, only a few weeks until the ghosts are coming back to earth. You should calm down and don’t have too much contact with (y/n).“

Jong Ho erupts into laughter. „I would’ve never expected Seong Hwa to be affected!“

„Stop laughing, Jong Ho. This could happen to all of us.“ Hong Joong says while he guides you into the dining part of the living room.

„I am totally fine.“ Seong Hwa blinks a few times and sits down.

„Of course you are.“ Min Gi rolls with his eyes leaving you totally confused. What was going on with Seong Hwa?

„What is with him?“

„When the night of Halloween is around we - “

„Stop! She doesn’t need to know that.“

You eyed them suspiciously. Hong Joong could be such a noob.

You decided to ask one of them later again.

After a hot bath you tiptoed over to the boy’s room you know who couldn’t resist your charm. You slowly opened the door and peaked inside to see where he was. A gasp left you seeing San‘s... bottom. You clasped your palm over your mouth to not let any further sounds leave you.

Of course San could sense someone standing at his door. What he didn’t guess that it would be you who was watching him without a second thought.

He turned around to see who was intruding him after his shower and he nearly doubled over to see you there.

„Perverted kitten.“ His shocked gaze quickly changed into a mischievous one and while fastening the towel around his torso entirely he emerged your form.

You closed the door behind you and turned around to see the demon standing directly in front you noses touching slightly. You take a step back only to hit the door with your back.

„You don’t even know how long I‘ve been waiting for this day. The (y/l/n) (y/n) finally in my room, only the two of us. I am so glad you finally realized how you cannot live without m - “

„San, no, just stop! I am not here for that!“

San pouts at that. To be honest he also thought this could only be too good to be true. Nevertheless he was a little bit sad.

„You’re missing a lot, dear.“

„I am sure of that.“

„So what do you want?“ The boy turns around to get some perfume continuing with his night routine.

„I wanted to ask you something.“

San put away the perfume turning around to face you again and starts to smile.

„Little minx. I won’t tell you anything. Hong Joong can be scary when he’s angry.“

„But San, I need to know. Seong Hwa never behaved this way before and I am just worried about him.“

The boy crouches down in front of you and takes your hands into his own.

„(y/n), you don’t need to worry. Everything’s under control. The only thing you can do is tell us immediately when he behaves strange again.“

„Please, San. What do I do when all of you are behaving this because of Halloween? Then no one can help me so I should be able to safe myself!“

San thinks a few seconds before standing up again and taking a seat next to you on his bed.

„Maybe you’re right... but don’t tell anyone that you know.“

You nod eagerly at the black haired.

„Ehm, so, for us demons the 31st of October is always a very special day. Not only that, the whole month is spiritual. We have something that you could call our inner... demons? They’re more animalistic and especially with the one we adore they can get pretty out of hand.“

„So you’re telling me that the things Seong Hwa did earlier wasn’t really him?“

„No, no! It was him but more like his deepest desires came to the surface. He wasn’t really in control. Sometimes when our inner demon takes control we cannot clearly remember what happened in during that time.“

„Oh, but, he wouldn’t hurt me, right?“

„Of course not! We would never hurt you. I mean our demons are all very different but U don’t think anyone of them would harm you in any way.“

„If you say so I believe you. Then thanks San!“ You giggle and kiss him on his cheek as a reward before leaving his room to get into bed on your own.

San watches you leaving him with a frown on his face. He really hopes none of their demons would accidentally hurt you.

After your night routine you snuggle into your bed and start to watch a few videos on your phone before turning off the light. Sleep doesn’t come easily to you because of the thoughts about their ‚inner demons‘ keeping you awake.

Luckily Hong Joong’s room was next to you and if something happened he would hopefully awake by it. Turning around you faced the moon that lightened the room a little bit and after a few minutes watching it your eyes closed.

You felt something touching your bare legs and in between thinking it was still a dream you became fully aware of that you should open your eyes immediately.

You shrieked up and could’ve peed yourself at the dark silhouette over your body. You wanted to scream and trash around but instead nothing came out of your mouth and like an instinct your tried to punch the intruder who easily caught your fist in the air.

Leaning forward you also realized still dizzy from the sleep that it was Seong Hwa who smirked at you mischievously.

„Tsk, not bad.“

Oh god. His tone sounded way darker than usual and you could also see his orbs colored in a crimson you’ve never seen before. You gulped and tried to get your hand back from him but he moved it down so it was placed up above your head into the cushions.

This also caused you to lay down in the process and the demon to linger above you.

„S-Seong Hwa?“ Your voice sounded hoarse and barely louder than a whisper but the demon could understand you perfectly.

And he frowned.

With a swift move he grabbed for your other wirst and pinned it above you, too. He leaned down and went for your neck to take a good smell of your scent.

„I am not Seong Hwa, my love. My name is... Hwa Seong and we weren’t introduced yet.“

He gave you a big gummy smile and you shuddered at the strong grip he had on your wrists that slowly turned numb.

„You, you you are Seong Hwa‘s inner demon!“

„I am. The whole day I fought to finally meet you officially. Seong Hwa‘s always such a drag for not letting me out to fulfill his desires.“

„His d-desires?“

Seong Hwa‘s or wait? Hwa Seong‘s eyes turned into crescents and you could see little fangs adorning his teeth at how happily he smiled at you.

Suddenly he starts to place an opened mouthed kiss on your collarbone to which you cannot hold yourself back to shamelessly react with a whine and a move of your hips upwards.

Hwa Seong looks at you again with pride and let’s go of your wrist to place his hand under your chin.

„Tell me, my love. Secretly you want us, right? You always act so innocent but I know what you want.“

E-excuse me? You don’t like how this develops right now.

„Pff, I want nothing.“

His grip on your chin tightens which turns into a slight pleasant pain and your body feels like you just rode a roller coaster.

„I will ask you again and if you lie to me one more time it will have consequences.“ Hwa Seong says through gritted teeth and you really don’t know how far the demon would go so you calm yourself down and slowly nod at him.

„Do you find me hot?“

You nod again.

He smirks arrogantly and leans back so he’s in a sitting position on your body. You wonder what he is about to do and immediately look away when he takes off his shirt to reveal his upper body.

He tosses the shirt away and watches you with a smug look.

„No need to be shy. Look at me.“

There was no doubt he was utterly nice looking but still you were just too shy to check someone’s body out when he was right in front you. More like on you...

He takes your trembling hands and guides them up to his stomach. His skin feels hot and you wonder it it’s because of his demon form right now.

„You like that?“

You just cannot hold yourself back and snap at him. „Are we done here? I want to get back to sleep!“

Hwa Seong looks at you confused and starts to laugh out really loud at your reaction.

After a few seconds he calms down and looks at you without saying a word. You slowly become restless and want to get out of the situation.

Of course you were also a girl with needs and stuff and he was so hot and practically screamed jump on me and ride me the whole night but - and that’s really important for you - Hwa Seong intimidated you like shit and you wouldn’t want to do something Seong Hwa wouldn’t want because in the end it was still his body, too.

„You’re funny, (y/n). I can see why we have chosen you.“

Suddenly his aura turns darker and he seems to become more angry.

„But you have to behave my love. I have to teach you a lesson naughty girl. You know what I will do to you now?“

„What?“ You are scared as hell because you still didn’t know how to function with Hwa Seong and maybe your words weren’t very wise to begin with.

He leans down so your noses are touching and he breathes out before catching his breath. He seems - excited?

„I will fuck you into the mattress so hard you won’t be able to walk for a week.“

Dafuq this guy. He really just said that, right?

„But - “

„No buts! Apparently I will have to make you shut up, too... But before that how many orgasms are you able to take? Because I will give you way more for punishment.“

„H-hwa Seong, please don’t - “

Ok, your body definitely says yes and also your mind but you know you should stop him. You really should... but his hands are everywhere and your eyes are already closed when you feel his hand grabbing one of your boobs with a tight grip which earns him a moan and arch of your back for him.

The demon groans out very happy with your reaction but the pleasure stops instantly when he’s pulled back from you by Jong Ho and Min Gi.

„You idiots! Let go of me!“ Hwa Seong is struggling with the boys holding him down and Hong Joong and Yeo Sang run to you looking up your body for any marks or signs of mistreatment.

„Are you ok?“ Hong Joong holds your face with his hands looking very concerned.

„I - I am...“ Yeo Sang takes one of your hands and sees the marks on your wrists his eyes turning into a dangerous color.

„You’re not.“

„It is okay, I swear! He just pinned me down but it’s nothing.“

„It’s not nothing, baby. I am sorry I didn’t hear you sooner...“ Hong Joong‘s face is filled with regret and you still in a bliss move to take him into your arms seeking for his warmth and safety.

„How cute.“

„Shut up, Hwa Seong! Let Seong Hwa come back...“

„Why are you angry with me? She’s also in need of some satisfaction and you all cannot see it because you’re treating her like a porcelain stature.“

„You talk some shit. Just fuck off!“

Woo Young crouches down in front of the demon and grins. „I know it’s not really healthy but I will give Seong Hwa the serum to hold you back for a long time if you don’t go away this instant.“

Hwa Seong rolls with his eyes and if looks could kill Woo Young would be dead.

„Okay, okay. My love, I will come back and make my words come true - just so you know...“ He winks at you and suddenly collapses into Min Gi‘s lap.

Yeo Sang turns to you with a confused gaze. „What does he mean with that?“

Thankfully it was still quite dark in the room so they couldn’t see your blush.

Don’t think about. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about or he will read your mind anyways.

„It’s okay, you don’t have to answer and I won’t read it.“ Yeo Sang smiles at you leaving - of course - the others confused like always because Yeo Sang‘s voice was only in your head.

„It would be better you would sleep with someone for the rest of the night. Preferred not Seong Hwa of course.“

„Me!“ Yun Ho walks over to your bed and lifts you up like you weighed nothing. Before the others could protest he already was out of the door and on his way to his own bedroom.

„Don’t worry, (y/n). I will take care of you.“

He smiles at you lovingly and you grin back at him.

„I know. Good night Yun Ho!“

After a few seconds Yun Ho snuggles up from behind and puts his arm around your waist.

„You’re lucky I am not like Hwa Seong. Ho Yun would never hurt our precious baby.“

Your eyes open wide and you gulp.

Please no!

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↺ back to navi

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#ateez poly #ateez demon #ateez x reader #ateez smut #ateez fanfiction #ateez au #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez poly au #ateez demons #ateez demon au #ateez writing

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horrorslashergirl · 4 years

Text

Slasher OC: Decebal Avram Chirilă

Full Name: Decebal Avram Chirilă

Nickname(s): Dacia, Dece, The Impaler, Vladislav, Tiger, Lynx, Dracula, Casanova

Age: 38

Gender: Male

Nationality: Romanian

Place of Birth: Bucharest, Romania

Current Location: Travels from country to country

Occupation: Former Romanian Soldier; Now Hitman

Languages: Romanian, English, German, French, Italian, Hungarian, Russian, Turkish

Appearance:

Height: 6'8

Weight: 240lbs

Body Type: Middle Bulky and Atheltic

Skin Color: Warm Beige

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Hair Style: Short on the sides and longer on top, wavy

Eye Color: Pale Grey, almost white, giving the impression he is blind

Face Claim: Stephen James

Clothing: He opts for comfortable clothing mostly because of his job as a hitman and because he is always on the run. He mostly goes with black T-shirts or shirts, a khaki army coat with many pockets, along with camo army pants again with many pockets and black combat boots. He has a long black scarf with the colors of the Romanian flag trimmed along that belonged to his father.

Other features: He has many scars on his broad back and down his arms; his back's scars are covered by tattoos of an eagle and a grim reaper with two swords in an X shape. His has full sleeve tattoos down his arms, picturing all kind of nature scenarios from his country, mountains and wild animals and AK-47's on each forearm. His neck, chest and legs are also covered by tattoos along with his hands. This guy is all inked up. He also has a silver earing on his right ear. He also wears an eyepatch that is covering his scarred eye that he got from a fight with his brother Alexander, the scar mimiking the ones Alexander has, coming from his eyebrow down his eye and over his cheek.

Weapons: Twin Swords, Twin Guns, and throwing knives.

Power/Skills:

Murderous expertise

Brute strength

Skilled usage of weaponry

Skill in hand-to-hand combat

Knifesmanship

Swordsmanship

Multilingual

Cunning Nature

Charisma

Driving expertise

Ruthlessness

Fearlessness

Manipulation

Marksmanship

Master tactician and strategist

Stealth mastery

Symbols: Here is the link to Decebal's symbols

History/Bio:

Decebal was named after a Romanian king by his parents, father Apostol Chirilă, and his mother, Maria Stratulat of Moldovic heritage. They were a poor family that lived in Bucharest during the communist times, a hard period for them. Decebal's father, Apostol was one of the rebels that were against this form of a system of social organization in which all property is owned by the community and each person contributes and receives according to their ability and needs.

Because of this Apostol and Maria, along with their three years old son, Decebal, were dragged into the communistic jails where they were tortured in all kinds of ways from whipping to starvation to being chained into coldness.

Decebal tried to protect his parents even though he was a small child and the army warden that took care of the horrific jails was surprised by the child's braveness and he took him away from his parents, not before forcing him to watch how his parents were killed brutally.

During the rest of his childhood and teenage years, Decebal spent most of his life in the dark underground jail, training with the soldiers, doing hard work. Despite that, the warden thought Decebal about all kinds of languages, cultures, and history.

'Just because you're a stray dog that doesn't mean you cannot learn to bark and bite.'

In his late teenage years as he grew into an adult man, he got more to the light outside, following the warden wherever he went and did was his so-called 'father' figure did; smoke, drink and got laid with all the ladies.

The warden's words during a drunken late-night:

'You know boy, you will do something big, much bigger than you can imagine. I saw how all these sluts looked at you... You make them fall into your arms like they are desperate whores.'

'Use everything you got; charms, brains, muscles. In this world, there are the ones that walk every inch of the ground as they own it and the ones that follow, all chained. Tell me, boy... Which one you are?'

One of the greatest abilities that Decebal earned during years in the darkness was that he got so used to it that now as an adult, he sees perfectly into the darkness, just like cats do.

Some people called Decebal 'Lynx'; the moniker originates from the fact that Lynx has exceptional night vision, remarkable hearing, and incredible instincts. The spiritual lesson Lynx carries to you is a reminder to partake of quiet observance, remembering there’s more to the world than what’s accessible through the physical eyes and ears alone.

After communism fell down in Romania, Decebal still maintained the attitude he grew up around; being sadistic, cold, and cruel. People weren't too fond of his attitude; his habits including fighting and torturing people that opposed him, getting laid with other men's wives, strolling down the streets like he owned everything.

He disappeared from Romania when there was a reward on his head to be finally executed. The Romanian army was hot on his trail, turning against him, but he simply vanished.

He strolls from country to country, not having a definitive home and working as a rogue hitman to earn money and to survive.

After a brutal fight between him and his twin little brother, Alexander; the two brothers which resulted in both of them almost dead, they get on an agreement of peace between them, with the help of their third part, their little sister Nadia.

Family: His little brother Alexander Chirilă and his little sister Nadia Nikolina Chirilă

His favorite killing style:

He prefers a kill that will put on a good show, he will shot his victims in both their knees, then he will dismember them with his sharp twin swords.

Personality:

Decebal has two paths of personality; the civilian one and the hitman one, that sometimes cross path depending on the situation at hand. In hi day to day life, he is a charming, handsome man, confident and sure of himself, but also having a modesty edge, just to draw people in closer, because he loves the attention, having a God-like complex.

Despite his childhood, he is a very educated man that speaks many languages, sometimes taking people by surprise, he can even put on fake accents. He also has vast knowledge about other countries history, mostly because that's what his 'father-figure' talked a lot about.

He is a flirt, he simply adores to make women swon by his charming looks and mysterious persona wherever he goes, people always wondering from where he comes. He knows how to sweet-talk people, being extremly manipulative. His looks; big and strong, in his eyes a flaming white glow.

You will rarely see Decebal without his charming smile or dark smirk that makes the ladies sigh and faint. He always puts on a winning attitude, knowing for creating many divorces along his travelings.

Here goes his saying: 'If the female raised her tail, who I am to deny.'

He has a romantic side, after all he does speaks the romance languages, but it's highly influenced his his Casanova attitude.

He is blunt; this man will tell if you're damn gorgeous or if you're down-right ugly or stupid. He has no problem putting his opinions straight on the table.

His favorite drink: Țuică- is a traditional Romanian spirit that contains ~ 24–65% alcohol by volume (usually 40–55%), prepared only from plums.

His favorite food: Sarma is a dish of vine, cabbage, monk's rhubarb, kale or chard leaves rolled around a filling of grains, like bulgur or rice, minced meat, or both. It is found in the cuisines of the former Ottoman Empire from the Middle East to Southeastern Europe.

His scent: Decebal's scent could be described as a 'game of seduction' with an "exciting rush" of citrus and cool spice top notes. Pungent bergamot "bites" with freshness, revived by cardamom and lavender. Caviar gives a provocative and erotic touch “like a trickle of sweat on a man’s chiseled body.” Masculine and rough notes of tobacco and orris root facilitate the heat of the composition. He has that scent that could be described as smoky confidence irresistible to women.

Other Characteristics:

He is a very good dancer, especially traditional ones and he also knows singing. Attending important parties with his 'father-figure' he learned from the women how to dance and sing. The women basically made him such a charismatic man.

He is a heavy drinker and holds his alcohol like it's water; his moldovic genes showing off.

He is more of a night person that a day one, mostly because of his very good nocturnal sight.

He is pretty much an Outlaw.

His accent sounds like italian, latin, but with a little bit of russian or another slavic accent. (That's how a Austrian woman described his accent one night)

He is a master at Poker. Another way he earns a lot of money is through poker and plus, he is a master cheater. FUN FACT HERE: He won a man's wife through poker for one night.

He is a sword swallower, bonus he has no gag reflex.

He also loves to smoke from his pipe.

============================================

There lived a certain man in Romania long ago

He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow

Most people look at him with terror and with fear

But to Bucharest chicks he was such a lovely dear

He could preach the Bible like a preacher

Full of ecstasy and fire

But he also was the kind of teacher

Women would desire

DE DE DECEBAL

Lover of the ROMANIAN queen

There was a cat that really was gone

DE DE DECEBAL

Romania's greatest love machine

It was a shame how he carried on

He ruled the Romanian land and never mind the Tsar

But the kazachok he danced really wunderbar

In all affairs of state he was the man to please

But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze

For the queen he was no wheeler dealer

Though she'd heard the things he'd done

She believed he was a holy healer

Who would heal her son

DE DE DECEBAL

Lover of the Romanian queen

There was a cat that really was gone

DE DE DECEBAL

Romania's greatest love machine

It was a shame how he carried on

(This is an interpretation of the song ‘Rasputin’ by Boney M, mostly because the song inspired me into creating him)

For power became known to more and more people

The demands to do something about this outrageous

Man became louder and louder

"This man's just got to go!" declared his enemies

But the ladies begged "Don't you try to do it, please"

No doubt this Decebal had lots of hidden charms

Though he was a brute they just fell into his arms

Then one night some men of higher standing

Set a trap, they're not to blame

"Come to visit us" they kept demanding

And he really came

DE DE DECEBAL

Lover of the Romanian queen

They put some poison into his țuică

DE DE DECEBAL

Romania's greatest love machine

He drank it all and said "I feel fine"

DE DE DECEBAL

Lover of the Romanian queen

They didn't quit, they wanted his head

DE DE DECEBAL

Romania's greatest love machine

[Spoken:] Oh, those Romanians...

=======================================================

But when his drinking and lusting and his hunger

#Decebal Avram Chirila #Slasher OC #Romanian OC #Original characters #Hitman #Outlaw

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solarscholarsofmagick · 4 years

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10 Things that EVERYONE Needs to Know Before Starting the Craft

1. Wicca and Witchcraft are Not the Same Thing

This is a pet-peeve of mine when people use those words interchangeably. So, what’s the difference? To put it simply, Wicca is a religion, while witchcraft is a practice. It’s like saying that prayer and Christianity are the same thing. Wicca is a relatively new invention, being created in the late 1950’s by Gerald Gardner after he spent a lot of time in Asia and became enthralled with their spirituality, which he merged with various occult practices that he came across in his travels. Witchcraft, on the other hand, is defined, at least by this author, as the act of manipulating the energy around you to achieve a goal. You can be either or you can be both, but they are not mutually exclusive.

2. Witchcraft Does Not Need to Kill Your Bank Account

If you follow many big-name witch influencers, more than likely, you will get caught up in the aesthetic of hundreds of beautiful crystals, perfect altars, sculpted candles, and much more elaborate and expensive things. Now, I want to make it clear, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but it is not always feasible to have (or afford) everything required to fit that aesthetic. Rough, unpolished crystals will work just as good as the one you saw that was professionally polished and carved into the shape of a skull. You can get candles at thrift shops, not just at the website that sells specifically anointed candles for every specific intention. Remember, it is not the tool that makes the witch, but the witch that makes the tool!

3. Know the Difference Between a Coven and A Cult

While it is not necessary, there are definitely some benefits that come with finding a coven that welcomes you with open arems. So, first off, what is a coven?

A coven is a group of like-minded witches that help each other out magickally and hold a special bond or connection. They will often perform rituals together. Please keep in mind that there is a difference between a coven and a cult.

A coven is rewarding, full of (usually) great people and potential friends, while a cult is dangerous, toxic, and filled with people who often prey on the vulnerable or unaware.

Here are some potential warning signs of a cult:

They encourage you to cut off ties with your friends and family.

They try their best to make you dependent on them.

They pressure you into engaging in sexual/criminal/drug activities.

You feel as if it is dangerous to leave.

The “leader” equates themselves to a deity or is a “my word is law” type.

You feel as if you are walking on eggshells around them.

There is some “divine” goal that you must behave a very specific way in order to reach.

Those who manage to escape are demonized and/or are made into examples.

If you suspect that you or a loved one are in a dangerous situation, please contact the appropriate authorities.

4. Witchcraft Can Become Mundane

Pop culture has a bad habit of sensationalizing witchcraft. As cool as it looks, witchcraft isn’t all lightning fingers and demon-slaying. You most likely won’t become a soldier of a magickal war, facing down an ancient evil that was recently released. Sorry, I didn’t mean to burst your bubble!

That being said, witchcraft is extremely rewarding and can be as fun as you make it!

Just like with any other art, it requires discipline! It requires study, practice, and essential tasks (or as they are often fondly called, witchy chores). Some of these “chores” include cleansing, charging, decorating, meditation, and more. Unfortunately, as we all know, these tasks may feel tedious, but they are often very necessary. Again, it is as fun as you make it, and you will be less likely to burn out/hate performing the tasks if you view them as the essential tasks they are rather than unnecessary chores.

5. Learn As Much of the Basics That You Can

As much as we want to immediately jump into more flashy things such as astral projection and elaborate spells or hexes, you must learn the basics first. Why? Because, without a strong grasp of the basics, your magickal work can be unstable and reap results that you may not have intended, including ones that cause harm to you or those around you. To quote a cliche, you must learn to crawl before you can walk.

Here are some basics that I recommend you begin with:

Visualization

Meditation

The history of witchcraft

The elements of a spell

Color/stone/common herb correspondences

Grounding

Different types of the craft

6. Elitism Exists and it’s Bullsh*t

Unfortunately, no matter what community you are in, there will always be a few bad apples, but I will be referring specifically to elitists. Elitists in the witchcraft community tend to preach that their way is the only true way to be a witch, that you must have the most expensive of tools, or that witches who come from a family of witches are better than those who do not. If there is one thing that I want you to take from this article, it’s that, no matter what anyone says, you will NEVER be any less of a witch because of your bloodline, ethnicity, skin color, religion, spiritual practice, or socio-economic status!

7. You Don’t Need to Choose Between Religion and the Craft

One of the most common reasons of being apprehensive towards starting your journey through the craft that I see is a fear of retaliation within your own religion. For example, a lot of Christian witches will initially be afraid of going to hell for their practices. As someone who grew up in the Bible Belt of the Southern United States (poor Awen still lives there), I can definitely relate to this feeling. However, I, as well as several other religious witches, can say that you can have both. You do not need to drop one to have the other. In my eyes, your relationship with your god(s) is between them and you and is nobody else’s business.

To make things a little easier, however, I recommend sliding into the craft slowly. Dip your toe in the proverbial water. Try starting by engaging in activities that aren’t necessarily tied to witchcraft such as meditating, grounding, growing plants, or even just collecting pretty rocks. I also recommend reaching out to practicing witches within your faith for advice. It also may be a good idea to truly research religions of interest and make sure that your religion is a good match for you. It is okay to realize that the religion you were raised to be in, like being raised to be in a particular political party, does not have to be your religion. If it is and it causes you and others around you no harm, then I am truly happy for you and support you.

8. Learn to Listen to Your Intuition/”Gut”

We tend to have a 6th sense for danger or the presence of another being. You may recognize this feeling when you can feel that someone is watching you. Our instincts are built into us to keep us alive. Personally, following my gut has saved my life more than once. In one particular incident, my gut told me to stop at a crosswalk despite not seeing any nearby cars and the sign telling me to walk. Seconds later, a truck sped by, running the red light at full speed.

If you feel that a spell has taken a turn towards the unwanted, find a stopping point and seal it away. Feel as if a deity is calling you? Take the time to research them and their calling cards. However, please take the time to learn the difference between a negative gut feeling and general nervousness, as it does feel different.

9. Learn the Difference Between Good and Bad Resources

Misinformaion and toxic ideologies can be dangerous when it comes to witchcraft. You can read extensively about the difference between the two in my previous post about it here.

10. It’s Okay If the Craft is Not for You

If you decide to try out the craft and later feel as if it isn’t clicking… that’s okay. The initial decision to explore is not one for life. Just like how certain sports, hobbies, music, et cetera are not for everybody, witchcraft is not for everybody. Anyone who decides to judge you for that is wrong and not worth your time.

Please consider supporting us by viewing the original post on our website, here!

#witchblr #witch #witchcraft #witches of color #witches of tumblr #wiccablr #wicca #wiccan #wiccans of color #wiccans of tumblr #pagan #paganism #pagans of color #pagans of tumblr #occult #spiritual #spirituality #spiritualism

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