#I still have trauma from my old Twitter account

[ren-is-real]

Sorry to everyone who followed me for stickmen here’s some doodles of roler coasters because the brainrot has consumed me

Phalanx was only saying no for PR reasons

[sharenadraculea]

If the primarchs had social media

Lion: There is nothing on his accounts. Not even a profile-picture. Someone is still logging into them every so often. Fulgrim: On all the plattforms. Primarely family-blogger: look at my perfect kids, my perfect spaceship, my perfect partner, my perfect healthy breakfest, my perfect make-up. OnlyFans-account on the side. Get‘s into controversies all the time. Perty: Angry rants. Has spent to much time on Twitter. Old man yells at cloud type of stuff. Jagh: And this is how we‘ll break the speed-limit today! Talks about bikes, how to mod them, drives them around very fast, ect. Occasional horse-pictures. Leman: Puppies! Just cute dog-pictures and -videos, of every canine he encounters in the galaxy Rogal: He isn‘t very good at social media. Sometimes posts bad selfies or pictures of his building projects. Completly ignores all of Pertys hate-comments Konrad: He writes fanfic. Edgy, dark, not very good fanfic. The protag is a clear self-insert and Mary Sue and brings justice to all the settings he puts them in. A ton of spelling errors. The plot barely holds together. He is very proud of it. Sang: He has official accounts with pretty pictures of him everywhere, but he has some private accounts that are just like his art and sometimes cute family pictures. Also why can I see Sang having a Vtuber-persona he livestreams with so people don‘t recognize him? Ferrus: Appears on Fulgrims accounts fairly often. Maybe does some gaming-content on the side Angron: Everything is very sporadic and when it‘s there it‘s pretty angry. Surprisingly talks a lot about issues with his disabilities and that he needs way more help than he get‘s and also all his trauma. Struggles a lot with typing and forming sentences, so it can be hard to understand at times. Roboute: A channel with tutorials for stuff like running a planet or putting on armour. If people ask him to explain something he can just send them a link. Morty: Not very active, sometimes pictures of some funky plants and little texts about them. Magnus: Video-essays. He dissappers for months and then returns with a four-hour-video (minimum) about the most random topic. Hugely popular. Horus: Look at my sexy abs! Look at my huge bicep! Soft-porn-pictures of him and his sons. Probally also had OnlyFans. Lorgar: Social media is great for preaching! So he does that! Deletes all his accounts after monarchia. Vulkan: Food! He loves trying out new recipes from diffrentc cultures! At the start of every recipe is a pagelong story, which people actually read Corvus: Also writes Fanfic. Very, very good fanfic if a bit edgy at times. Kind of has a rivalery with Konrad. Also runs a very active blog, about both writing and justice, with occasional bits about guerilla-warfare Alpharius Omegon: Just the worst trolls. Dozens if not hundreds of sockpuppet accounts. They are having a good time.

[findafight]

Okay I kept thinking about this post and Steve being a BNF of Corroded Coffin message board of the internet of yore.

Alright so way back in the nineties Suzie hooks everyone up with the internet, yes? Yes. Eddie and Steve got together in '92 after some mutual pining and a few disastrous relationships that couldn't handle 1) Steve and Robin's general QPR clinginess 2) Eddie's intensity 3) the secrecy required if having multiple years of monster fighting and subsequent NDAs and the trauma associated therein. They're older and more settled and ready for an Adult Relationship.

Corroded Coffin is gaining traction and doing really well and the internet is still a brave new frontier, so Steve says to Eddie something like "I'm going to see if there's some message boards about you 🥰" and find them he sure does. So he makes accounts and posts under the username EddiesOnlyGroupie because he's hilarious and also the mods banned him from using EddieMunsonsHusband (he figured it was fine on the internet because nobody actually knew who he was but APPARENTLY NOT homophobia lives on in the digital age). He gets pretty well known in the Corroded Coffin fandom, most assuming he's a woman because he will go off on how hot Eddie looked at a gig. Like. Saying unhinged internet shit because 1) true and 2) he and Eddie think it's so funny. Everyone kinda believes the groupie thing too because of all the performance pics he's able to post and how he'll sometimes offer tidbits if knowledge about the band.

When they transition from chatrooms to livejournal etc he follows, with the same username. He's kind of a legend by the mid aughts. EOG is the acronym people use when discussing theories on his identity, and he's like "guys I'm literally his only groupie it's self explanatory. Guys why don't you believe me Eddie hasn't slept with anyone but me since 1992. We're basically married". He goes "it's not a mystery we literally are in love and Jeff and I go to Cubs games and cry when they inevitably lose together. Gareth is Godfather to my cats" (Eddie is still offended that he was not named Sassafras and Moonshine's godfather when Steve and Robin adopted them in '89). No one believes him.

Possibly because he still thirsts after Eddie and whenever someone posts a new Eddie pic those in the know wait for him to pop up with comments like "I want to bite his neck omg" "he has no ass but nobody is perfect I'll settle between his thighs anyway" and "literally a crime I am not married to him right now what the fuck" As twitter grows he swoops in to grab his handle, and follows a bunch of other CC fan accounts (some of them old friends, some of them new to the scene)(EOG 100% has his own fanlore page, which also has speculation on who he is and how he gets all the bts pics. It also doesn't believe when he says what it says on the tin. He's Eddie's only groupie.)

tumblr and tiktok come round and Steve is like. Openly horny on main. He's seen some shit go down on the internet but he's still commenting on Eddie fan edits that are title shit like "why am I attracted to this middle-aged white man" and "retro cc fancam" with things like "I'd let him lick the inside of my ear and only bring it up to tease him on special occasions" "his FINGERS" "back in '89 Jeff and Howie and Claire staged a mutany over this song because they were 'sick of Eddie only writing about biting bats' lmao" and "Jeff is my favourite member of cc"(just to stir the pot)

Eddie comes out in the 2010's and he's like "yeah I've been in a long term relationship with someone who is usually mostly a man kinda (gender is fucky) for the past twenty years, lol. His name's Steve. I love him a lot even if he mocks me online." and of course EOG comments "the mods of that old message board should have let me keep my original handle of EddieMunsonsHusband. When're you gonna make it reality, Munson? smh" and everyone is like Huh?? EOG is a MAN? And he's like yeah? Sometimes?? Not always?

(He 100% thinks this is him telling people he's Eddie's Steve. They don't get the message)

Anyways life goes on Steve continues to thirst under pictures of Eddie, he has his pronouns and name in his bio on twitter (Steve, he/him, she/her, Eddie Munson's first and only groupie 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ ) and continues to post behind the scenes photos that shockingly few people question (she always says "because I'm his groupie" though. He and Eddie think this is VERY funny and also true. Robin groans. They've been making the same joke for two decades.) and people believe it because Eddie has interacted EOG sometimes, liking photos or videos, commenting sometimes. (Steve has a more professional realname account that he rarely uses but Eddie usually tags Steve there)

And THEN Internet user EddiesOnlyGroupie says he's taking a few weeks off for her honeymoon because "I'm finally marrying the man of my dreams!" And people are happy for him but also bummed because Eddie is also taking a two week hiatus but EOG promises wedding and honeymoon photos. (Face reveal! Sorta!)((he doesn't get why people are excited because he's pretty sure he's been in a lot of Eddie's recent pictures, but whatever)

Imagine the Internet's surprise when Eddie Munson posts a collection of pictures spanning '86 to his 2016 wedding of him and Steve, including one of Steve looking seriously at an old desktop computer, captioned "Steve starting his internet career" and tags EOG.

Steve qrt with "I told yall. I'm his only groupie, and they should've let me keep EddieMunsonsHusband even if they WERE homophobic. Because now it's TRUE"

Niche internet community drama chaos ensues.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling a school counselor about what my friend does online?

I (F minor) am in middle school. I have a group of friends, about 8 people, but this is about one girl in specific we can call Annie. All of us are mutuals on tumblr, twitter, etc. and we have a discord server too.

All of us are into a lot of the same things, like art, anime, video games, and have a lot of the same hobbies. Most of us also struggle with mental health stuff like anxiety and/or depression so we regularly talk to our school counselor (F, Idk how old she is).

Anyways, we're all really close and we get along really well for the most part, but lately Annie has been doing stuff that really bothers and worries us.

She's VERY into internet discourse. Has 10 paragraph long DNI page, is constantly starting fights with other people, etc. She usually argues about stuff like LGBT+ rights, womens rights, etc. but also a LOT of fandom discourse which is my biggest concern.

A lot of my other friends reblog/retweet stuff like anime gifs, fanart, memes, etc. but pretty much every post I see from Annie is her fighting with someone over shipping or something like that.

A lot of the posts are basically:

Her talking about how disgusting a certain ship or character is

How everyone who likes that specific thing is a degenerate, or freak, or pedo or groomer.

How if you like problematic ships you need to get a therapist, or you deserve to be hurt. Once I saw her arguing with someone who said they write certain stuff due to trauma and she said "You don't have trauma, you're either lying or you actually liked it and that's why you write such disgusting nasty shit"

Fighting with random people and accusing them of being a predator or a pedo

Breaking her own DNI (which says adults, proshitters, etc. DNI) and then getting mad at the other person for responding

It's really upsetting to see because she does this CONSTANTLY. She never seems to use tumblr/twitter to do things she actually likes. I never see her reblog gifs or memes or just silly lighthearted posts about stuff she enjoys.

It's especially upsetting because we're minors and she TELLS PEOPLE THAT. Like she's arguging with people that she thinks are pedos or child predators, while openly telling people her actual age. To me that's like covering yourself in bloody steaks and then jumping into water full of sharks.

I was really starting to get concerned because even in our private discord server she's always talking about how much she hates these people or whatever and how they should die, a lot of the time she says things like "they should get the wall" or "I hope their nasty fanfics happen to them irl that would teach them lol" and it really freaks me out.

She also talks about seeing the "child porn" that these people make which as far as I'm aware is drawings of characters but it still freaks me out how open and calm she is about looking at what she THINKS is child porn. I asked her if it's child porn why is it being linked in callout posts for other people (including minors!) to see and not being reported to the FBI but she just gets mad and changes the subject.

Me and our other friends have mentioned before that we don't like hearing about this kind of stuff but then she just gets mad and goes offline or gives us the silent treatment at school.

A month or so ago I got so fed up and upset, that I took a bunch of screenshots of her tumblr account and discord messages. One thing to note is that her username is VERY specific.

It's a combination of her first and last name and her birth year. Most people will not know that, but if you know her name and birthday, it's easy to tell it's her. She also goes by her real name online which I also screenshotted as proof it's her.

I brought all this to the school counselor, and I told her how worried I was about Annie, and how I think she's doing something really unsafe. Not only is she confronting people she thinks are child predators/groomers, she's telling people they deserve to get hurt in really awful ways, and looking at porn and I don't think this is good for her mental health.

The counselor at first was like "Idk are you SURE it's her? It could be anyone online!" But I insisted that it was and explained the username thing and that this was our private discord server so obviously I know it's her.

She thanked me for letting her know and told me I was being a good friend and then we talked about how I was doing, and then I left. I kind of forgot about it until a week later.

Annie wasn't online at all and I was kind of worried, but then I saw her on Monday at school. I was with our other friends and we called out her name so she would see us and come over and she LOST IT. She started screaming at us and telling us how awful we were, and how we ruined her life.

Idk what exactly happened, but apparently the counselor talked to her and her parents got involved? Her parents now monitor her internet usage, they have child safety stuff on the browsers, and she's only allowed on certain websites for doing research for school, or watching videos on youtube on their account so they can see what videos she's watching, or playing games on steam.

She said that her parents are also putting her in therapy once a week now (with an actual therapist, not the counselor) and she's only allowed to go out with an adult chaperone (either her older sister or one of her parents).

But... None of our friends know it was me who told the counselor. Annie has other friends besides us, so they're also "suspects" for being the snitch. It seems like half of our friends are relieved that Annie is kept away from that kind of stuff and the other half are mad at whoever the snitch is for ratting Annie out and resulting in her having less privacy/freedom.

At first I was happy that Annie was getting help and being kept away from this but now I feel really conflicted. I feel so disgusting talking to her and our other friends and pretending nothing happened, knowing that I was the one who told the counselor.

Annie still talks to us but she's a lot less open. We still have our discord server but apparently her parents will read through the messages to make sure she's not talking about anything bad and that she's only talking to us and not strangers.

What are these acronyms?

[scarrletmoon]

About Powder Blue

This is going to be long. There are going to be discussions of suicide and trauma. This is going to be a bit of a jumbled mess because I can't tell a linear story to save my life. Don't feel like you need to read this, now or ever.

If you're wondering what the issues with PB were, and looking for what's next, read the indented text and skip the rest if you want!

I've had a bit of a...tumultuous relationship with the OFMD fandom. I've made close friends and lost them, made even closer friends who've very patiently reminded me of my worth when I needed that. I'm at a point where I'm still struggling, but I'm getting better. I'm still working on not being afraid. It's a bit of an uphill battle, but I'm still pushing my little boulder. I'm not alone this time, which is nice.

I entered the fandom as a nobody. I had almost 50 fics on AO3 and two had mildly popped off while I wasn't looking, but I wasn't really known for anything. I was a fandom ghost, posting my little fanfics and sharing them with the world because I just enjoyed the characters so much. Like a lot of people, I dreamed of being known for something. I thought that'd be neat.

I'm still in a state of shock and confusion that I've written anything in the past 2 years that people remember and even love. It's weird to be in a place where I never imagined myself to be. I can't stress enough how much I did not write explicit fic before this fandom; in high school, I would've welcomed a porn ban. I was afraid of my own sexuality, convinced it was some sort of monster I had to control. Convinced I was dirty. To other people my age, I was a prude, naive and childish for not being comfortable with it. So I feel for people who lash out now, who insist that attraction is actually fetishization, that if we set enough rules, maybe if we resist temptation, we'll be saved. I see you, and I feel for you. I personally don't think that's a healthy way to live, but if you'd told me that 2 years ago, I would've cussed you out. It's really a realization you have to come to (or not) on your own terms.

Anyway.

I know it's tacky to talk about your own success but it doesn't feel real. I go back and forth, reading other people's work -- and my god, there's some unbelievable talent in this fandom -- and thinking "shit, why would anyone read anything I've written? My stories are kindergarten finger paintings next to museum masterpieces". I am learning, slowly -- very slowly -- that I can't bully myself into a shape I like better. I'll never abuse myself into the kind of writer I think I want to be.

The first chapter of Powder Blue was written on a random day of the week after work. I was in a server -- the first fandom server I'd properly joined and talked in, watching a convo about how funnyt it would be for Ed to be a middle aged sugar baby -- when I pulled out my laptop and wrote for an hour and then posted that chapter to the server. I hadn't written for five years before OFMD. I had never finished a multi chapter fic. I posted that chapter and went to make dinner, and assumed the Google Docs link would get lost in that channel after a few likes.

That's not what happened.

The next few months were...a lot. My 7 year old Twitter account blew up from about 200 followers to 1000 in a matter of months. I was misinterpreted half a dozen times. Suddenly, people knew who I was and had Opinions. Some of those Opinions were Not Nice. I was told to grow a thick skin and get over it. So I figured my extreme reactions -- physical shaking, intense fear, a spiking heart rate, like I was being chased -- were just me being weak. I thought if I just sucked it up and laughed it off, it'd stop affecting me.

Turns out RSD is real and not an excuse I was using to be a baby, and it literally didn't get better until I was medicated! Wild

(This -- "I'm just overreacting and everyone else is secretly handling it better" -- has been a pretty consistent pattern my entire life, so figuring out I'm actually AuDHD has been mindblowing. If you've been wondering why you're so weak your whole life, I've got some screening tests you might be interested in).

Anyway my point is, a few things happened over the course of 2023 that brought me to a level of emotional pain I've never experienced.

At the start of the year, I was taking a self imposed internet break, after being forced to apologize for a tweet thread about Izzy, where I'd made the mistake of suggesting that fans of his should consider thinking about why they enjoy his character, but to only do this if they wanted to and ignore me if they didn't. This was taken as me being a hypocrite, and accusing Izzy fans of being terrible people. I apologized, vowed to never mention him again, and left Twitter for a month. Around the same time, a few things in a very close friend group went very wrong. I assumed it was entirely my fault for misbehaving, picked myself up, and tried to punish myself into a shape that would be acceptable for other people.

It didn't work.

Since I was now marked as an anti-Izzy bully, I couldn't say anything -- either on Twitter or in private -- that wouldn't be interpreted as me trying to start fights, as me being passive aggressive, as me trying to send covert messages for others to decipher so they could come and grovel for my forgiveness. Some of this is my fault -- it took a long time to learn than my private locked Twitter account isn't a diary. it took even longer for me to learn that maybe the people I was hanging out with weren't my people.

During all of this, I was posting Powder Blue after months of tears, pain, heartbreak, frustration and stress. I still don't understand why people write books for work or FUN. It was the most horrific experience of my life. It was valuable and so rewarding but jesus christ did writing PB take a lot out of me.

So as I felt less connected to my friends, as I was trying to hide how I felt because I thought I didn't deserve to be upset about anything (everything is always my fault, you see, and if I just behaved better, these things wouldn't happen to me), someone came to me and said they'd noticed some issues with Powder Blue. I'll refer to this person as the reader.

I was more than happy to hear them out. And it's true that I made some mistakes. The environment that I published PB in was not the one that I wrote it in. I didn't read any other sugar daddy/sex work fics as I was working on PB. PB was never a reaction to those fics. But because of those stories, which had handled things is harmful ways, there was suddenly a responsibility I'd never expected to have. I've never done sex work, I've just spent a lot of time listening to sex workers and trying to understand the legislation and environment as much as I can as a lay person. And since I don't have a personal experience with sex work, I shared my finished but rough draft with the reader, who did.

The problem, ultimately, is not something I could ever have fixed to their satisfaction. The fic doesn't involve dubious consent on a level that I think warrants an archive warning tag -- I tried to make it explicitly clear that Ed never does anything he doesn't want to, and that he's never coerced. The issue is that the nature of Ed and Stede's relationship is inherently uneven -- Stede is rich, and although he gives Ed money that's his to keep, Ed still isn't as obscenely wealthy as Stede is. Ed is poor and has been for a while. He's good at whatever he chooses to do, but he's struggling. That's a very uncomfortable spot to put Ed in. I also put Ed through some things that I've personally been through, as a way to work through my feelings and to try and better understand myself. If I was acting like Ed in real life, the reader is right that it would be concerning. But, importantly, Ed's not real. Nothing in this story is happening to a real person. Nothing in this story is an endorsement of any of his behaviours or unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I still believe the reader had good intentions -- the amount of effort they put into coming to me would be utterly bizarre for someone who was just looking to be cruel for no reason. But that also doesn't change the fact that being told I was having a trauma response and needed to stop working on the fic immediately, pushed me into the most suicidal period I've ever experienced.

That's not their fault. I'm sure that wasn't their intention. I've chosen to not try and find out who they are, or try to contact them again to respect their privacy. Some of the things people said to me, publicly dismissing the reader's pain, were so harrowing to read that it made me feel worse for ever writing PB in the first place. They were right to stay anonymous.

I'm sure the reader never meant for me to have such a massive breakdown that I took down the entire fic and left Twitter (and a few friend groups). It's been difficult to understand that just because someone didn't mean to hurt me, doesn't change the fact that I was hurt.

One silver lining is that I did go and find a new therapist. She's great! And she also thinks that how the reader tried to bring things up to me was wrong. As the reader obviously saw, I have a lot of Trauma, so I'm still not entirely convinced that I didn't deserve what happened to me. I'm not angry at them. I appreciate their concern. I just can't do what they asked of me. In the end, Powder Blue was not a story that was right for them. And that's okay.

My point in detailing all of this, is that I stayed quiet for a long time because I didn't think I deserved to tell my part of the story. I was scared that when people said they respected my choice to take down the fic, that they agreed I'd some something impossibly harmful. People trusted my judgement but I didn't trust myself. But people didn't know that I didn't trust myself.

Additionally, reader can't speak on this without revealing themself in some way. I'm terrified that they might read this and say something anyway. My biggest fear is becoming the kind of writer who sees negative criticism and pushes on anyway, or even blocks people who disagree with me. I don't want to hurt anyone the way I've been hurt.

BUT I've been holding onto this for months. I cannot write a perfect fic that will never trigger anyone. I will never write a meaningful story that won't hurt someone, no matter my intentions. There IS a way to admit you fucked up, or a way to listen and disagree, without turning into a raging asshole. I'm struggling to find that line. I'm hoping I'm making the right choice here.

And honestly, I'm just soft. I am so fucking soft. I talk a big game but I am so soft that a single person poking at my trauma caused me to break down so severely that my partner was legitimately afraid for me. I am learning that this softness doesn't mean I should become a crueler person to cope. But it's hard. There are going to be people who see this post and think I'm being a whiny crybaby looking for attention and pity. And I just have to deal with that.

Anyway. All previous chapters of PB will be up soon. Read them or don't. I will do my best to add more detailed trigger warnings. And I would personally suggest that if you're worried about any of the content in the fic, to run these worries past a friend who's read the fic, because they'll know you better than I ever will. Please don't read Powder Blue if you think it'll harm you. I would rather have fewer readers than triggered ones.

If there's anything I've missed that you think I need to address, know that my inbox is open, that anon is on, and that I'm not in the business of retaliating against people who come to me with an issue, even if they're a dick to me while they're doing it. I'm not going to dismiss someone because they weren't nice to me while they were upset. I'm a bitch but I'm not that kind of bitch.

So. Thank you for waiting for this fic. Thank you for waiting for me. We've got something like 16 chapters to go, and I can't tell you when they'll be up, or if they'll be up soon. But thank you for loving this story. I can't tell you how much that means to me, especially now.

Love,

Scarr

[sysmedsaresexist]

As someone who remembers how vile syscourse was just a few years ago, when I heard this blog experienced character devrlopment, I was shocked at first. When I found some posts explaining it, I was even more intrigued.

If anyone is open to it, I wouldn't mind a link to any explanation of how you fell into sysmedicalism and how you started unlearning it. I'm genuinely proud of you for that development, because changing your entire outlook on a topic is difficult, especially when you have people who support that old view but not the new one behind you. This isn't meant to be condescending, in case it is read that way.

Syscourse has only gotten more vile, honestly.

This ask kind of comes at an interesting time. Last night, I made a post about the TPA and my extreme hatred for them (that'll never change), but I linked a post from my second Twitter account, which brought me WAY back to my first active move in syscourse.

First off, hi, it's not condescending. I found it's a lot easier to talk about than I thought it would be. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought to say, "I was wrong and being hard-headed." I was expecting ego death, but instead, everyone has been so kind.

I was asked what made me switch sides, but as for my humble beginning...

I spent a good couple years just lurking and watching. I was out in therapy and quietly taking all these questions to my therapist. "Are endos real? Is DID really trauma based? Could I be endo? Is that what you become when you heal from DID?"

Suffice to say, not the healthiest questions. There was a lot of misinformation out there. Through talking to my therapist, I believed I was in the right, and I debated for a long time getting involved to talk about some of the more prominent myths about DID.

But then.

Then.

I met Bethany.

Well, I didn't meet her. She blocked me immediately. She was a social worker, and a pro endo, DID system, but I really didn't like the way she talked down to CDD systems.

She was actually huge on Twitter, she had her own website and everything for sex positive therapy, she was doing interviews, she made wild claims about what kind of work she had done in the field, sob stories about clients that didn't make it. She had just started something called the Dissociative Society of Canada.

She was BIG.

And she was a liar.

I'm actually genuinely curious if anyone remembers this, it was seriously a huge, DESTRUCTIVE event to hit BOTH communities.

The Dissociative Society of Canada was real. She started it. But she was not a social worker. Her stories weren't real.

Having done all the same schooling myself, in the same province, with the same rules, I knew she was lying, and I called her out for it.

The pro endo AND CDD community attacked me HARD. I was told I was harassing and stalking, I remember reading the post that called for people to mass report me and I remember the emails starting to flood in from Twitter from countries that required the email be sent for reports. The only posts I had made on Twitter had been about Bethany, but people were talking about who I must be as a person and why I was so angry and jaded and terrible.

Eventually, Bethany admitted it. She never publicly apologized. She made her board of directors do it for her in a letter about shutting down the society (they hadn't known either). I was able to get her listed as an unlicensed therapist to avoid (she's still on there). The Dissociative Society of Canada was shut down after only a year.

And I felt terrible. I hated myself. The posts that came out afterwards about how much people had loved Bethany and how their trust had been destroyed, people that had done therapy with her and were permanently damaged by the lie. She had given a lot of people hope, but it was all a lie.

That was my fault. If I hadn't said anything, I don't think she would have been caught. She was still in school to get her education, she wanted to become licensed, she just wasn't yet.

But it was illegal for her to be providing therapy and telling everyone she was a social worker. She used this title to shut down anyone who disagreed with her, even when she was clearly wrong.

It was a clusterfuck. I came out of it DESPISING endogenic systems for the harassment and misinformation, and the lies about ME. I hated the desire to ignore her unlicensed, illegal actions simply because she had been a prominent voice for the pro endo community (seriously, people wished I hadn't done it, that she had never been called out and had continued her work).

This was my first real interaction with the pro endo community. A lying POS and a bunch of endos lying about me.

I started JAS around that time, and we all know what happened from there. My first post was about the myth of the 10% non-traumagenic in the DSM (it's a misquote).

I don't want to say I wanted to replace Bethany-- I wanted to show how someone who wasn't licensed could still advocate without lies, I wanted to provide that same level of educated discussion, I actually heavily considered putting together a licensed team to start another dissociative society. I debated getting licensed to do it myself.

Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out that way.

I did get her Twitter url out of it when she deleted, though. My trophy.

Ending on a sad note, I suppose.

I was distrusting of the endo community, I was angry. I didn't trust anyone for a long time after this. Who would just go online and lie like that?

It took a really long time to get over it and let go of that anger and hurt.

Remember, don't trust anyone or anything on the internet. Fact check everyone and everything, even if you think you already know the answer, or think you know who someone is.

If she hadn't been such an actual bitch to people, I wouldn't have noticed. Seriously. This was the tweet that caught her, no therapist should talk like this to anyone. The concerns raised in the first image mirrored my own exactly, and I would not have appreciated being spoken to that way. I thought, if she IS licensed, she should be reprimanded. But I couldn't find her license, and thus began the downfall of Bethany Killen.

TL;dr if you're lying on the internet, be nice to people :)

While I didn't always live up to my own standards of civility (I can admit that), I TRIED to speak to endogenic systems as respectfully as possible, and my only goal was to NOT be like Bethany. Sometimes I failed, but at least I never claimed to be licensed.

The point is that I'm trying to be better every day. Finally admitting that I was pro endo made it a lot easier to be nice. I wasn't trying to hold up this charade anymore.

And finally, I want to remind everyone that it's not just "the other side" that can do damage or spread misinformation. Our own community can do damage if we don't call each other out, too.

The most damaging thing I've ever seen in syscourse came from another CDD system.

I think I've rambled enough, thank you!

[fanfic-corner]

Tony Stark Has a Heart Fic Recs pt 2

Hello everyone!! I still have plenty of fics with this tag left in my bookmarks, so we're back for a part 2! I hope you enjoy reading them <3

You can find part one here.

xvii. drugged by tempestaurora (2.3k)

“Well,” the doctor said, “it seems you two can only tell the truth. I’ll call the team in to start working on a fix, but I do recommend you don’t leave the tower in case you say something you usually wouldn’t.”

“I’ll be fine,” Peter said.

The doctor raised an eyebrow but didn’t look at him. “Peter, are you Spiderman?”

“Yes.” Peter blinked. “I see your point.”

Peter Parker's Incorrect Quotes Page by EmilyWeaslette (2.5k)

Peter opens an 'incorrect quotes' account for the Avengers on Twitter, without telling them. When the team discovers the account, and Peter is too embarassed to come forward as it's creator, panic and hilarity ensue as the team try to figure out how private conversations are being eavesdropped on. Peter's just trying to avoid being caught.

Besides.

It was all Shuri's idea.

Candy from Strangers by peter_parkr (2.8k)

Peter heard footsteps approaching the bathroom. Tony pushed the door open and hesitantly poked his head in.

"Oh, shit." His eyes were met with the sight of Peter, whiter than a ghost, crumpled on the floor in fetal position. Peter tried to smile up at Tony, but it came out as more of a grimace.

"Hey, ms'r strk. Welcome to my h'me." Peter flopped his arm over on the floor in greeting. Tony sighed... this was going to be a long night.

Where my heart lies by Maicaly (3.5k)

Peter Stark is taken from his school's parking lot, and 46 hours later, Tony receives a message with a location. Steve, Rhodey and Sam follow him to an abandoned building with a unpleasant surprise inside - that will put Tony's nerves at test.

Repeat After Me by battybatzgirl (3.8k)

Tony’s face hardens as he says, “What kid.”

“I don’t know, some twelve year old—”

Below him, the kid coughs out, “Fifteen.”

“—Fifteen year old—”

Tony scrubs a hand across his face. “Don’t tell me he’s wearing a dorky shirt with a chemistry pun on it.”

Rhodey frowns. That was oddly specific. Glancing down, he looks at what little he can see of the kid’s shirt—which isn't much since there’s so much blood now, but what could be once called a cartoon joke is printed on it. “Um, yeah?”

“Son of a bitch.”

Love, hate on by madasthesea (3.9k)

She’d planned for this moment for two years, seven months, and eighteen days: As she’d stood above her daughter’s freshly dug grave, she’d decided that Tony Stark would die by her hand. And now was her moment.

She had only intended to grab Stark, tell him what he’d done that merited the punishment she was going to give, and kill him fast before anyone started looking. But here was this kid, an act of providence.

She didn’t have to tell Stark now, she could show him. She could make him suffer like she’d suffered, make him pay for his crimes. An eye for an eye, a child for a child.

kidnapping by killerqueenwrites (4.6k)

Steve wakes up cuffed to a chair, which is kind of annoying considering he has a meeting today. 

He’s just coming to the conclusion that he really might be in trouble when he notices the kid across from him.

or Steve and Peter get some bonding time, and Tony is freaking out.

Um, I'm Invoking Parental Rights by teaandtumblr (5.8k)

5 times Peter calls Tony "dad" to bail him out, and the 1 time he means it.

Perhaps He's Not Missing Out After All. by NotYoCheese (6.6k)

Peter is devastated after he is told that he is not allowed to go on the field trip with the rest of his class tomorrow. Tony steps in and tells him that he can stay at the tower on the day of the field trip. Only, Peter didn't realize that the field trip was to the tower, and guess who the lucky intern who gets to give them a tour is . . .

Featuring a shocked class that finds out that Peter isn't lying, a very angry Flash, and maybe even some IronDad Fluff

Planes, Trains, and the Trauma Response by imgoingtocrash and savvysass (6.9k)

The world around him is solid. It makes sense. Despite the existence of aliens and literal gods in their galaxy—the science of it all makes sense. They just have yet to figure it all out.

Then he’d been thrown into a spiral of falsehoods—one after another, all so fast, all so real—and suddenly he’s in

the Netherlands. It’s too nice compared to the horrors he became used to—a far cry from the real world: a world of dead parents, dead uncles, and half of a universe, dead with the snap of one creature’s fingers.

Where once there was certainty…now there’s fragility.

So, when he sees Tony step out of the plane instead of Happy…he falters.

Mr Stark Enough For You? (another field trip fic bcs we dont have enough) by Livinei (7k)

Peter isn’t worried because he thinks Tony won’t say yes, he’s worried because he’s sure Tony will. And he’s not sure how he feels about having his entire class waltzing around the place where he spends practically more time than in his own home, where he has his own room, and where he regularly eats Lucky Charms with one of the most influential men in the country, in his pajamas. Not that they’d ever know any of that. Tour groups don’t go to the living quarters of the Tower anyways, they hardly ever go past the 50th floor, Peter knows that. And it isn’t fair to his class if he doesn’t ask just because he…spends a lot of time there?

Yeah, Peter sighs, he has to ask. He promised, anyways.

you'll always get there first by crowkag (7k)

Home, home, home home home. It played on loop in Peter’s brain, loud and tumbling and distracting…

But not in a way that would have him miss the silver Audi speeding toward him in the opposite direction, a sight that made him do a double-take for two reasons.

One, because the fancy car was a foreign presence after nothing but rusty, dented Ford pickups for the past hour.

And two, he was pretty sure that was Tony in the driver’s seat.

Peter Parker's Super Secret Snack Stash by coconutknightshade (7k)

"It's D, Peter. We talked about this."

“No it’s not, Ned. Because if it were D then I would be wrong and that would put me at a 65% already on this practice exam and we haven’t even gotten through it all. I can’t fail another history exam, Ned! This last one is worth 60% of our grade! If I fail this final then I’ll fail the class and if I fail the class then I’ll be kicked out of school-”

“You’re top of our year, Peter.” You can almost hear Ned’s eye roll as he talks over Peter.

“- and if I’m kicked out of school then I’ll be forced to live on the streets exchanging sexual favors for money and I can’t do that, Ned! I wouldn’t even know what to charge- I mean, what’s the street value of a blow job, Ned? Do you know? Because I sure as shit don’t.” At this point Ned is outright giggling over Peter’s theatrics.

Pickle Starburst by Bergen (7.5k)

One mundane evening, an awkward, wide-eyed teenager with strange enhanced abilities tumbles into Tony’s office and claims he is from the year 2017, twelve years into the future.

Tony doesn’t really do kids. Or whack jobs. So a combination of the two is a challenge.

But when has Tony ever backed down from a challenge?

for the love of freefall by sagemb (7.9k)

Happy does not, in fact, pick Peter up on Wednesday. Instead, when he and Ned walk out of the school building, there’s a small crowd gathering next to a convertible orange Audi R8 idling in the fire lane. A man with a familiar goatee and rose-colored sunglasses is sitting in the driver’s seat.

Peter’s brain short-circuits for a second.

5 Times Peter Sleepwalked And The 1 Time He Pretended He Did by losingmymindtonight (8.7k)

Peter sleepwalks, Tony stresses.

Man in a Can by JinxQuickfoot (10k)

Peter could hear the voices floating down to him, muffled by the floorboards nailed into place above his head and cemented over with the industrial strength tiles that made up Tony’s workshop floor. The last thing he had remembered was a dark figure appearing over him in bed, then he had woken up here, groggy and exhausted and unable to move.

Unable to move because whoever had grabbed him had covered him in concrete from toes to mouth, repaired Tony’s floor, and left him there.

We Will Foresee Obstacles by blackwatchandromeda (11k)

The war is over. Thanos has been defeated, the population has been restored, and Peter has lost one of the most important people in his life.

After the funeral, Peter meets Harley and Morgan. They're all in the same position, all missing the same person, and it's not long before they come up with a scheme to save him.

That is, if they can pull it off.

When You Assume Wrong by TentativeTreason (14k)

Tony is hiding something.

The Avengers notice the little discrepancies in Tony’s behaviour, and they eventually come to the only conclusion they can think of: Tony is having an affair.

Five Times Peter Parker Pretended to Be Asleep by blondsak (16k)

...and the one time he actually was.

Or: sometimes, faking sleep can work to your advantage. When it comes to trying to fool a certain genius, overprotective, superhero mentor, Peter finds this to be doubly true.

Definitely Worth It by jennylarner (16k)

Peter doesn't want to go on a field trip to Stark Tower. It's a recipe for disaster. His class doesn't believe him, his teacher doesn't believe him. If he makes it through the entire day without being suspended, it'll be a miracle. Unfortunately for Peter, he's never much believed in miracles.

What I Really Need is You by happyaspie (18k)

Five Things Peter Needs From Tony and One Thing He Wants.

@ironman follows you by malyin_roza (27k)

“Eighteen detentions last month alone, disgraceful amount of absent hours – often odd classes mid-day or half a day. I won’t mention the after-class clubs, or nerd groups, or whatever it is you do for ‘fun’ that actually counts in to your records anyway.”

Peter sat frozen on the spot, his face growing hot and red after rapidly paling when Tony began talking.

“I – I – look, I, let me explain – “

“That’s,” Tony pointed at him, silencing with one look, “that’s where we might start.”

“Start?” the teen repeated uneasily.

Sweet Jesus, what did he have on him?

“I solved it all, you’re welcome.”

A beat of silence as Peter blinked at him.

Cloak and Dagger by Velnetta (34k)

After being kidnapped with some of earth’s greatest defenders, Peter is grateful that it appears that their captors aren’t aware that he’s Spider-man.

The problem? To the Avengers, he's just Tony Stark's teenage intern- and Peter intends to keep it that way.

turn back the clock (and I'll try again in the morning) by madasthesea (35k)

Peter gets stuck in a time loop. In it, he lives through some of his worst nightmares, only to wake up that morning and have no one remember. He needs Tony to help him get through.

And if that isn't bad enough, his identity is revealed over and over, every day.

Time to Pretend by Rowan_M (38k)

A villain attacking New York sends an injured Peter back in time to the year 2000. Not knowing how to get home, Peter asks Tony Stark for help and ends up finding out a lot about his and Tony's past.

Peter is given an opportunity to change the future, or leave things be.

In My Dreams by MaryaDmitrievnaLikesSundays (48k)

Red.

Red was quite the color.

The color of love, the color of hate.

The color of glowing cheeks under a streetlight, of smiling lips and sweet rose petals. The color of a sour lollipop in a child’s young hand.

The color of war, of blood, of pain. The color that plagued the nightmares of the bravest men.

Yes, red was quite a few things at once, but right now, it was the color that coated Peter Parker’s hands as he stumbled away from the warm corpses of his aunt and uncle, silhouetted cruelly by the neon store signs, and into the unknown of a quiet, star-dotted night in Queens.

A Hundred Feet Under by thisisnotourlasthunt (59k)

Months after the events in Civil War, a chemical outbreak causes the whole world to fall in a comatose state. The Avengers, who had to reunite when people began to fall, are forced to trap themselves inside a bunker until Bruce Banner and Helen Cho can figure out an antidote. This leads to new friendships to form, and others to heal. All of this a hundred feet underground.

Things go well, until they don't.

While Tony and Steve revisit their actions in Civil War and deal with being a team once again, one of their team members was silently compromised by the chemicals. None of them knew until the effects began to appear. Emotions are shared. The team becomes a family once again and some learn that despite their past actions, there will always be people that will love and care for you. Also, Tony is a stressed dad to a teenager with concerning lack of self preservation skills.

It's a Secret to Everybody by Snapdragon_in_the_Snow (97k)

Peter gets to spend all summer living in Avengers Tower with Tony. When the Rogue Avengers get pardoned and come back to live at the Tower too, they're confused as to who Peter is. However, once they see how Tony acts around Peter, that confusion goes away, as they know for certain who Peter must be - Tony's secret son.

Tony and Peter decide to make the most of the situation, and play along. They hope they can keep up the act all summer. But they soon learn that they barely have to act at all.

built from scraps by peterstank (138k)

“Everybody needs someone. That’s what you said, right?” Pepper meets his eyes and he’s struck by the way she’s almost pleading. “We both lost. We can help each other.”

Her hand, palm up and open, stretches into the space between them.

Peter hesitates.

Then he takes it.

or: the one where tony was dusted instead of peter, so he and pepper try to figure out the whole ‘family’ thing together.

(oh, and it turns out that the man who died in peter’s arms on an alien planet is his biological father. who knew, right?)

Brave as a Noun by edema_ruh (161k)

Some people think that Peter is Tony's son. Why shouldn't they? Peter seems to be orbiting Tony all the time, and it's not like the billionaire tells him off. They have a nice relationship - Peter is glad to have a father figure, and Tony cares for the kid as if he's actually his son.

The first problem regarding this arises when the people who think that Peter is Tony's son kidnap him for ransom.

The second problem regarding this arises when one of the people who kidnaps Peter turns out to be Mac Gargan, the Scorpion, and he's hungry for revenge.

Identity Theft by KitCat992 (267k)

It's been months since the events of Civil War, and the Avengers are doing their best to remain a team, having promised to forgive and forget. Unfortunately for them, Tony Stark's latest invention has been stolen and recovering it causes tension to reappear.

Meanwhile, in Queens, Peter Parker has two main priorities on his plate — complete his midterm finals, and track down a fishbowl wearing criminal that may or may not lead him right into the hands of the Avengers.

Somehow between all of this, Spider-Man's identity is revealed to the Avengers, Steve and Tony's friendship may permanently be damaged due to continued hidden secrets, and Happy struggles to buy a youth-sized casket for Peter's funeral.

Things were a lot easier when they were fighting over Bucky Barnes.

Stab Me in the Back (I'll Catch You From Behind) by Lansfics7 (296k)

"I am going to find Tony," the man hisses in Peter's ear, his gaze cold and cruel. "And when I do, I will kill him, slowly. What do you say to that-" The man stops short because Peter's shoulders are shaking, and before he can curl his lip in victory, he hears a snicker. When he lets go of Peter's hair, the teen's head slumps to his chest, but it's not out of exhaustion or defeat...it's to hide a smile.

The boy lets out a laugh, shaking his head before glancing to the sides admitting apologetically, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it's just- it is so fun to mess with you!" He looks around before snorting, "Tony Stark? That's your play? You're not screwing with me, right? You actually thought that would work? Sorry guys." Peter straightens in his chair with a sneer and a cocky wink, "Tony doesn't give a flying crap about me."

And that's it! Happy reading, and if you have any other fics to rec with this tag - whether they be yours or your friend's - please share them with me! And, as always, thank you to all the amazing writers who share their works with us.

[fishingnene]

Apps that might help you if your a system ! Or just plain fun !!

Simply Plural

This may not be a shocker, but this app has so many features and it was made for systems!! It has a chat room so alters can chat to eachother and a front history tracker as well!! It can store all of your alters and you can even connect to other system friends on there!! Though it's not offline, so beware of that

Twinote

Twinote is a fake Twitter, and I adore it. It has no friend connection so if you want friends on there, you can't have them. But this app is amazing, it's almost like the old Twitter !! You can make so many accounts on there and just let alters post what they feel at the moment, and this doesn't need wifi nor internet!! It may show an ad or 2 sometimes but it's almost barely so it's amazing!! You can also text different Alters!!

Gratitude

Gratitude is this journal type app, it has challenges and stuff so it keeps you motivated!! This app has certain topics to choose and it focuses mostly on positive so your alters have a low chance of being triggered, while also this app let's not have to choose a topic!! It's very cool and amazing, though if you delete it, you can't get it back unless you pay, but it's still amazing!!

Moodee

Moodee is a really soft app and has such a cute mascot!! But it also tracks your mood and gives you suggestions on what to do if your sad based on what your sad about!! What I find amazing is that these suggestions can also be by people who use the app and feel as though they help, so you aren't getting bot answers for it!! Some things are blocked for paying but the basics I just told you are all free !!

My true Value

My true value is a soft thing where it will help you heal from trauma, though I have such a major complaint, after level one you have to unlock everything with money, so I personally don't use it much but even the first level is amazing and such a good thing!! It has breathing breaks and let's you say "I don't know" or "I can't remember" for its textbox questions!!

Character.Ai

Why is it on this list? Well the reason is that it helps our fictives feel as though they are talking to source mates, and it helps some of our alters heal from trauma!! It also has a psychiatrist bot and therapist bot that are both so so amazing!! And you can make your own private bots so you can customize them to what you remember!! You can also unlist bots so you could give the link to your friend who might want to talk to them!!

Blacknote

Blacknote is this app that let's you take notes while also locking them with a passcode!! So you can vent in there or something else that you don't want other alters to see so you lock it!! It's a very cool app and it's offline and only has like 1 ad at the very top!!

Pinterest

Pinterest can help you find faceclaims for alters and also find aesthetics!! Pinterest can also help with finding source claims !! So I recommend it because of that !!

Ibis Paint X

Remember pinterest? Yea you might not always find a faceclaim, so you can alter certain fanarts thay are close in Ibis Paint!! Though there is a lot of ads and it also includes pay, but it's still very good!!

Photonote

Fake Twitter? What's next!? Fake Instagram!? Yes actually!! This is from the same people who made the fake Twitter too!! It's very simple and you can message other alters on there!! It's very free and cool so I recommend it!!

Anyways that's it!! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you at least found one useful app on here, and peace out!!

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Searching For Former Clarity (Against Me!)

And in the journal you kept by the side of your bed/You wrote nightly an aspiration of developing as an author/Confessing childhood secrets of dressing up in women's clothes/Compulsions you never knew the reasons to/Will everyone you ever meet or love/Be just a relationship based on a false presumption?/Despite everyone you ever meet or ever love/In the end, will you be all alone?

"Searching for a Former Clarity is about the process of dying. It's the closing track to the album, and it shares a theme with the opening track, but while Miami uses disease and dying as a way to talk about the city metaphorically, Searching for a Former Clarity is much more personal. It's also partly autobiographical. Laura Jane Grace wouldn't come out for another seven years, although if I'm remembering right she was convinced that this song would immediately out her to everyone. (I could be thinking of a different song from the same era. It's kind of a running theme in her music.) A while back I saw an old video of her performing this song, when it was still new and she still wasn't out. It felt wrong to see that version of her, honestly (I'm old enough that I should have been a fan in the 2000s but I'd never heard of Against Me until a couple years ago), but it also amazes me just how much *better* she looks now. She looked so much older then, and unbelievably more miserable, than she does now. I hate that she had to live like that for so long, but I think about that contrast every time I hear the song now. Honestly, with that in mind, I never want to hear anyone saying shit about how they are glad someone suffered so that they could Make Art(TM) about it. Fuck that. Don't get me wrong, I love this song and most of Against Me's discography, but I'd willingly give all of it up if it could somehow retroactively mean that Laura Jane Grace didn't have to have the shitty life experiences that led to it. Yes, a lot of art comes from suffering, but people shouldn't have to fucking suffer for art. I've had some experiences lately that forced me to think about my mortality a bit more seriously than usual. If I died today, there would be an extensive record of my gender, and my complex feelings about gender, on various mostly anonymous twitter and tumblr and reddit accounts. If I died today, nobody who knows me would know the name I chose for myself. Not that I'm a historical figure (I'd probably be entirely forgotten in a decade tbh) but speculation about my gender would be *at most* someone's conspiracy theory based on poorly-sourced and badly-interpreted speculation. I'd be buried as a man, I'd be remembered as a man, I'd be forgotten as a man. That was my choice. I have my reasons for making it. I don't know if it is right or wrong or even if the concepts of "right" and "wrong" are the right ones to use when thinking about it. I'm still going to have feelings about it every chance I get. Searching for a Former Clarity is a pretty good way to get them. Emma. That is the name that I chose."

Am I Awake (They Might Be Giants)

When I get through this part/Will the next one be the same/Will I be wondering/If I'm awake?/These are not the clothes I had on when I went to bed/And something else besides my hair is growing from my head/And when I close my eyes it looks the same as when I open them again/Am I awake?

"Man I don't know what exactly about this song gets me so hard but it just makes me wanna get up and stim and think about my blorbos and their trauma. it also just speaks to me as a person with memory and identity issues, it really outlines the dissociation and confusion i feel when i don't remember something and/or can't grasp what i'm feeling. it also has a sort of inception vibe to it? or maybe groundhog day? The strange vocal samples and frantic drums and fast bpm with the really slow vocals on top is just soooo good. really really good song"

[just-antithings]

If you want to know how vicious antis can be, let me tell you the story of a queer disabled trauma survivor who had their childhood dream of becoming a professional animator in the industry destroyed by antis

Their name is Ang Vondra (handsomehugs). Many of you probably heard the accusations that they’re a pedophile, probably because they were and still are targeted by blatant misinformation both online (mainly twitter, an artists beware post on Facebook and kiwi farms) AND in real life. I’ll try to summarize it as best as I can but it’s a long story

The reason Ang is called out is because they drew taboo art (invader Zim porn) on a different adults only platform under an Alias. They have always tried to keep their account on tumblr/twitter separate from the adult platform one but it was found and the images shared between their then boss Kyle Karozza (mighty magiswords) and their coworkers.

On top of that they made friends with people who have a very negative fixation on them and who are antis. The names are jeraspat, jay goldstein (truebuggy) and holly meadow disch. These people have stalked them and doxxed them for 2+ years because they made Ang a scapegoat of drama they have absolutely nothing to do with.

Because they wanted to move on from a toxic friend group, they made new accounts and started shipping two characters from the previously mentioned cartoon until their old friend group (mainly jera) recognized the art style and began calling them out for “manipulating everyone” both online and offline

At first Ang tried to ignore this but because the people I mentioned actually have some influence in the animation industry, their spread of misinformation was actually successful. They were isolated both online and offline, had multiple kiwi farms stalkers, moved across states just to get away from their stalkers, are in a huge financial debt and even though they cut all ties to the animation industry and people in it, they still hound Ang TO THIS DAY

I’ve watched drama unfold because Ang made a post and it reached a person who hasn’t blocked them. The post WASNT even about them but they still went and made false accusations about Ang harassing them. They are actually GLAD even that Ang was black listed from the industry because scummy people decided to spread misinformation

All over fictional nsfw. Stuff the animation industry is actually known for. But they saw Ang as an easy victim because unlike them Ang had no power and is a queer trauma survivor

So if this reaches anyone, I’d love if this could be spread for awareness. ANTIS DESTROY LIFE CAREERS. AND they get away with it without repercussion!

I Hope tumblr doesn’t eat this but here’s the full google doc that explains their situation

document/d/1XdfUJyVYhmaahTfbxLNU0W0yVz80hmptNrCQv7KSL6o/edit#heading=h.99egf9yzeyma

And here’s a link to their gofundme

/f/help-me-rebuild-my-life-after-careerending-abuse

I can’t get the links to work

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling a bunch of pricks to quit the fandom?

Most of you here hate Kpop and its fans but I'm still sending it because many of you are friends with people like them for other reasons, I know this for a fact. So ignore I suppose.

I'm Asian, I was mutuals with some Americans and one European fan from other fandoms, they all became very casual Kpop fans relatively recently and they do all this:

• Pick fights with fans of western artists for small things nobody really cares about, using fandom and the Faves as shield, which gets them to send hate to our faves who we know have dealt with a lot of cyberbullying for years.

Kpop fans all get conscious about mental health and cyberbullying for about an hour when something bad happens, but don't stop doing it and say that specifically our faves are "too sensitive and selling their trauma" which is another thing, I digress.

• Laugh at jokes made my antis cuz it's not serious, often these jokes are racist and dehumanizing but normal to them.

• Laugh with their mutuals from other fandoms when they make jokes based on rumours, like one time they thought it was funny that one of the Faves got called p*dophile by antis just bcs he's a man who likes kids and is playful with kids he meets, only women can like kids unproblematically apparently.

• Play "devil's advocate" when bigger accounts or inflencers talk shit about the Faves, most of the time it's biased hateful nonsense but to them supporting it is a sign of being mature fans who can take criticism.

They do this all the time, genuine love for an artist is beneath them, kpop is beneath them it's not Ackshually Art no since Koreans also don't take it seriously?! It's just that the bragging opportunities and clout is good around here!

• Act like SJWs most of the time but constantly make microaggressive comments about Korean people in their private chats, joke about mandatory military service, call themselves misandrists yet judge the women in Kpop like they're dolls, get into discourse they have no clue about and give their shitty takes, tell everyone else they don't know Anything about kpop but still partake in these fanwars and discourses, bring the worst takes from twitter to tumblr out of context for laughs, judge Every Single Thing thru American/ western lens and expect us all to know their double entendre and culture etc.

I got fed up, nobody else says anything to their face because they can spin it to make it like us Mainly Kpop fans are rabid obsessive weirdos who care too much about strangers and they're rational mature women of varying refined taste who merely observe kpop from a healthy distance. And I told them to stop being in the fandom if they're gonna be everything but fans. You tell me how all that is fan behavior? They call themselves fans but oh they're too busy adulting to even listen to a 5 year old album, not busy when it is about trashtalking their own faves and fandom, okay!

But apparently I was too rude, the audacity of me to call leftist wocs racist! I cannot tell them what they can or cannot do! So here we are.

What are these acronyms?

[thesickestfuckr]

wel-cum

hey! my name is sickfuckr. i'm a 20 year old dom top with a lot of extreme kinks who used to be on tumblr, left a bit after the porn ban (got bored), and has now come slinking back. this is basically just an nsfw/vent blog where i vomit up shit from the darkest recesses of my ocd-riddled brain. i use any pronouns because i am genderfluid. i present as very fem irl but i view myself as more masculine in gender due to my personality. i also have a penis and like using it lmao. i still call myself one of the girls though. my sexuality is a mess (but probably best described as bisexual? you'll see on my blog lmfao i basically like female bodies and male faces). also, no minors. i'll block you. and no paedo freaks (including the ageplay people who keep trying to find the most underage-looking people to harass. you make me sick) or raceplay/misogynist/bigoted freaks or actual incest/csa condoners either. i'll report you. (and zionists, begone.)

NOTE: sometimes i reblog donation links. originally i wasn't going to do it here because i thought that reblogging to a porn blog would be diminishing the issue, but this is basically the only social media i have. so, i hope that, at the very least, after you're done browsing, you'll donate to people in need if you have any extra cash.

also the dividers i use are by @cafekitsune

fetishes that you'll find here

feminization (i'm not really a fan of the word 'sissy' with all the racism and transphobia issues, even though a lot of the content i make overlaps with it, given the incorporation of pink frilly dresses or otherwise hyperfeminine and cute things)

male infantilism/abdl (i know it's controversial so i tag it under cw diapers. also if you're one of those closet paedos who want the youngest looking bitches in diapers, shoo. that literally defeates the whole point of Abdl, since the ab stands for ADULT baby)

rapeplay/dubcon (honestly i prefer dubious consent to noncon)

FAUXcest (i. do. not. want. it. to. be. realistic. at. all. the less related they look to me the better. it's a trauma thing that comes from my abandonment issues and hatred of my family so i yearn for that sort of close relationship. do not fuck your family members.)

drugging

abuse

petplay

corruption

and more!

shamefully, i am basically only attracted to middle aged men. so, i want to inflict all of this onto them!

also here are my bdsm test results

and my flist https://www.f-list.net/c/nastyshit

my main tags are:

dinspo (which stands for dom inspo, self explainatory)

sickfuckr's r34 stash (porn of fictional characters)

sickfuckr's dilf stash (pics of middle aged actors that i think are hot)

sickfuckr plays some games (answer games)

sickfuckr's stories (my own original writing)

sickfuckr talks (where i post things discussing bdsm as a community and writing erotica. meta shit, essentially, lmao)

sickfuckr's twitter reuploads (reposts of the original nsfw concepts and ideas that i posted on my now suspended twitter account)

sickfuckr shitposts (me being stupid)

/////////////////////////////////////////////////

about fanfics.

here is the list of characters that i write about! i write all types of fanfics, regular and reader-insert (i only do dom!top!reader, though). feel free to send me a request!

masterlist:

daryl dixon

daryl dixon's double d's (ramble about daryl dixon's tits lmfao)

the cow  (dom!(cis)male!reader x daryl dixon)

daryl dixon gets his balls cut off (a regular fic about daryl, nothing weird at all............)

random ass characters played by actors i want to fuck

to be posted.........

///////////////////////////////////////////////

also, if you're curious about more specific kinks.....

i like dominating men (especially dilfs). particular favourite fetishes of mine are gangbangs, degredation, feminization, infantilization/abdl, ddlb, grooming adult men, really just middle-aged men acting cute and sweet you know what i mean, somno, hypnosis, drug use, stuck in wall, bukkake, (extreme) intelligence loss, speech loss, social suicide, petplay, corruption, living onahole/living fleshlight, body writing, voyerism (with me as the voyer), ahegao, addiction, hentai logic, surrealism, extreme cum play, hair pulling, physical abuse, verbal abuse, rough sex, playing an ugly bastard (aka one hot one not), wrestling, struggling, lingerie, drugging, recording, sugar daddy, age gaps with a younger dominant, incest, photographing, wardrobe control, hidden camera, spitroasting, full nelson, body modification, breasts on guys, extreme anal insertion, prolapse, cockslapping, mindbreak, mind control, moral degeneration, personality excretion, nose hook, collars and leashes, large insertions, penis size comparison, nakadashi, unusual insertions, pole dancing, glory hole, tailplug, size difference, hucow, exhibitionism, gyaku ryona, torture, mute submissives, brain damage, aphrodisiacs, wearing condoms, flexibility, sexual exhaustion, stuckage, male bimbofication, french kissing, giving hickies, biting my partner, cock worship, excessive cum, dub-con and noncon, competition between submissives, bad ends, fighting, kidnapping, medical play, prostitution, titjobs, slutty clothes, coercion/blackmail, dirty talking, discipline, extreme humiliation, lima syndrome, mental torture, speech restrictions, crying, class differences (particularly a rich person dominating a poor person), testicle torture, swollen testicles, foreskin shaming, massaging, unusual semen, detailed descriptions of outfits, thigh highs, guys in oversized shirts, and, strangely enough, men in those oversized animal-themed onesies. obviously, we don't have to include all of the fetishes. these are just things i like, so if even one is included, i'll be happy!

with regards to my tastes in guys, i like middle aged men, dilfs, and silver foxes; bonus points if you use a celebrity as a face claim, since it's fun to imagine it playing out like a movie. i also like guys with scruffy facial hair, since i don’t like excessive facial or body hair but i like dilfs. i like all body types; skinny guys (pleek no twinks that look underage), muscular guys with big tits, and cute chubby guys with long hair. i also enjoy monster or inhuman men, especially zombies, satyrs, androids, ghosts, and angels. i enjoy trashy, lower class guys, like rednecks, prostitutes, homeless guys, and all of that sort of thing. scruffy guys are adorably pathetic to me. i love guys with longer, as in shoulder length, hair. small penises are very cute, and i love seeing it on the guys that i fuck. also, i love when grown men act cute or stereotypically feminine. i find it so fucking adorable. finally, i absolutely fucking ADORE ugly-hot, creepy, or intimidating looking guys with submissive personalities.

my favourite dynamics include: (submissive) father/father figure and (dominant) son or daughter figure, prison bitch, siblings, celebrity and fan, doctor and patient, adult baby and caretaker, sugar baby and sugar daddy/mommy, pet (especially rabbits and kittens for an underappreciated bonus) and owner, stalker and stalkee, monster and human, (male) maid and master, and doll/sexbot and owner.

[922rifle]

An English translation of this post on X/Twitter:

"Let me tell a few things clearly and in Arabic:

Regardless of October 7th incidents, Israel has constantly been bombing Gaza. I work at a school affiliated with the UNRWA near the borders. We're always asked to wear loose clothing to help us escape in the event of bombing.

More than half of the female students in the class, not only have martyr relatives, they also witnessed the death of martyrs before their eyes. Meaning, more than three-quarters of the students in my school have psychological trauma. More than once we fled from school under random bombing. More than once we hide in our classes and sit on the floor (like the CNN broadcaster), but this time I have 40 students in the class and I am charged with protecting them, and I cannot even protect myself. Many times we would go back to school when we were not in a state of war, and we would find a girl who had been martyred, or in the hospital seriously injured because a soldier on the border had targeted her while she was in her home.

The residents of Beit Hanoun, all of their agricultural land, which is their livelihood, is on the border. Go and ask them about the tragedies they experience day in and day out. How many times have their crops been burned? How many times have they been targeted while they were farming safely?

Before October 7th, Israel constantly assaulted women on their way to prayers in Jerusalem, preventing them from reaching Al-Aqsa Mosque for days. Celebrations are held in vain and repeatedly, and they chant racist slogans to provoke the Palestinian people of Jerusalem.

Gazans need a permit to enter the West Bank, which is often denied (for education, work, treatment, all the same, forbidden).

On a personal note, I am 32 years old and have never visited Jerusalem or the rest of the cities of Palestine.

Patients with serious medical conditions that require a transfer to the West Bank die while waiting for the approval of the transfer.

Checkpoints are widespread in the West Bank on every street, to the point that you take 2 hours to reach a place that you can normally reach in 15 mins because you have to stop and wait many times. Israel arrests men, women, and children, imprisons them without charge or trial, abuses them, and tortures them in prisons without supervision. If it releases them in deals - something that happens once in a lifetime - it exiles them to another city far from their family, that if it doesn't take them captive again! Settlers occupy houses in the West Bank, steal them and live in them (just like that, imagine!), and the Palestinian who yesterday was still sleeping in this house is expelled under the cover of the occupation government. Even the Palestinians inside Israel, who are supposed to have Israeli identity cards, were not spared. They are treated as second-class citizens and are considered a minority. They are prevented from many jobs. Armed Israeli gangs constantly assault them in the streets and in their homes. They are killed without any accountability. Rather, their killing is encouraged because they are causing a crisis for the occupying state.

In Gaza, if you order something online, it will take a year and we will be answered verbatim "it's up to the mood of the Israeli soldier working at the crossing". Three-quarters of the items Israel considers to be dual-use and refuses to enter the Gaza Strip, the most important of which is reinforced iron, which can be used in building shelters to protect civilians in wars. I once ordered diving goggles, and they were returned because they were classified as dual use. Everything entering the sector is subject to inspection. Israel rations the Gaza Strip's food supplies so that the food that enters is not enough for a single person. It updates its data after each war to account for the sector's decrease in population due to martyrdom (articles are widespread and numerous, for example how it rations the entry of chocolate into the sector according to its own specific calculation).

Fishermen are hunted at sea and they're falsely accused of getting close to the border. The fishing area keeps shrinking that they now have a tiny area from which they can make a living.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of the occupation's practices against the Palestinians in general and Gaza in particular.

Israel did not need October 7th except to inflame people's feelings, remind them of the Jewish tragedy, and wipe out the Gaza Strip, with the world giving it the green light. If October 7th hadn't happened, Israel would have bombed the Gaza Strip and said that a Gazan dog walked near the border and denied the Holocaust.

Resistance, tunnels, return marches, and demonstrations are all forms of oppressed people trying to defend themselves.

Whether they succeed or fail, they are all attempts to say that we died with dignity, and at least we tried not to let them kill us while they were happy.

As Naseer said, "If it were not for the resistance, your mother would've been washing an Israeli soldier's feet in a basin right now."

The occupation is not the enemy of the resistance itself. The occupation is my enemy, the enemy of my students, the enemy of my children, the enemy of my family members, and the enemy of my people. If God allowed us to live, I would like to let my children and students grow up cursing Israel. The battle is not over yet.

This is not a post of justification, I don't have to justify to the world why we resist. This is for some of my people who seem to believe the occupation's repeated narrative that its goal is to eliminate Hamas. And to remind them that in the past there was no Hamas, but your grandfather and grandmother were still killed. My son and your son are not Hamas, but my son and your son are still being killed."

[vampyresonata]

Violinist Day 2022 - Letter 2 Analysis

This was originally posted on my old twitter account, but since I've privated that account I realized there is no way to access it anymore! So, I've compiled my entire 5 Page analysis below for you to enjoy here! Like before, I'll start with the TLDR first and put a read more below! I'm someone who loves Antonio a whole lot, so whenever this letter hit twitter originally I was... disappointed at the responses some people gave, to say at the least. (And, another warning, this is very long.)

TLDR;; The devil is not at all metaphorical and is real. Even if the devil in general media can be used as a symbol for things such as addiction and indulgence, he is less an active metaphor when Antonio’s addictions were something that happened prior to his deal. Additionally for Antonio's case the devil does not serve as a proper metaphor for addiction when the two times in text (before this letter) he has been presented to us, the devil had been helpful to getting Antonio out of the situations at hand. Antonio does have his indulgences, but they have very little to do with the situation at hand beyond brief context. To blame him for the addictions (and blame him for even having them) is demonizing addictions as a whole. While this does not take away the fact that Andrea still suffered some sort of trauma, we as the viewer are aware that what had happened was not Antonio– and even then Antonio himself is aware that he has hurt her even if it was not him actually doing it. Additionally, neither of them could have expected any sort of outcome as Antonio has never physically harmed anyone before when the demon possessed him in the past, so we cannot say that he should have known better. We also cannot say he should have known better for making the deal in the first place, as the deal was made during a point of his life where that was the only place he can turn to.

Starting off with the fact it's written on the back of a piece of sheet music, which is later established to be because he had written a piece in her name for her on the front of it. From here, I will bring up each section of the text I specifically am referring to.

This is the first we hear about Andrea. As she is a new introduction, she is not mentioned in any prior lore-- the only other women we know that Antonio is involved with is any of the one night stands alluded to in Deduction 2 and the Princess to the royal family he was priorly imprisoned by. We assume one of two things of Andrea:

The deduction ‘Seductive Tune’ is not actually about him having one night stands with different women and instead is an early iteration of his time with Andrea. I find this to be unlikely of the two options because the description of Seductive Tune makes a mention of “joy that was missing,” which aligns with his history of being partial to indulgent behaviors in order to obtain immediate satisfaction in the way his talent could not.

Or, the more likely of the answers, he found Andrea after his time with the royal family. He makes a mention that she is different from the other people he’s met, both upper and lower classes. She understands him like nobody else we’ve seen within his story, which must mean an awful lot to him as we know Antonio’s story tends to play with Toys/Puppet + Caged Bird motifs with how the world around him perceives him. This one is more probable than the first option.

He starts off mentioning there’s been some time they've last seen one another, which we will touch upon later down the line. Carrying onwards, we also learn that Andrea does not hear things the same as other people-- very likely that she is some degree of hard of hearing, given “grateful that the aria managed to overcome the barrier in your ears” and “unlike those with normal hearing.”

Andrea means a whole lot to Antonio, this is clear. Not only by how he starts off with “My dearest” and how he asks how she’s been during their time apart, but additionally in the lyrics he relays back to her in this letter. These lyrics show how much he truly adores her, whether he wrote them himself for her or if these were lyrics she sang to him once that he remembers. This is very reminiscent of Crescent Knight to me, in the way there is someone dear to him in his life that is now unobtainable to him. But that’s neither here nor there!

It’s incredibly important to note that Antonio here is not excusing himself. He is explaining things, being honest about himself and his past. It’s additionally important to know that Antonio has spoken about this to Andrea before, as he notes twice “as you know.” Which leads me to point out that Andrea had begged and pleaded for him to play the song he repeatedly told her he feared (“No matter how much … I would never…”); and that the song itself had already left them somewhere rocky ( “... or even threatened to break up with me, …”). He makes it expressly clear that he does not want to play the song, no matter how she pushes him to do it, because he knows that he should never. 

We can assume that he has only played this song twice, as it’s instance is recorded twice in canon: once when he first made it in his desperate attempt to escape the royal family (to which it was the only thing he could turn to) and once more when he was forced to play it at the concert we see in his introduction video.  However… he eventually gives in and plays it for her, but not without her having to ask him after he makes it clear he feared it. This is by no means to blame Andrea for anything that may have happened beyond this point. However, to properly understand everything that has happened we need to be aware that she had been asking him to play a piece he had repeatedly refused. He brings up indulgence because he is expressing that he has indulged by indulging himself in her wishes because of his love for her– not because he has relapsed back to any of his prior habits.

Now, I go back to bringing back the mention of the prior times Antonio has played the piece. The first time (seen in Antonio’s Letter #1), we are aware that he goes into a puppet-like state-- where the violin plays before him and he is pulled against the wall like a puppet. Nothing happens to the servant in question, nothing happens to the Court Maestro writing the letter. We can see something similar happen in Antonio’s Introduction video, where he just plays before the crowd whilst becoming the puppet for the devil his soul is tied to. Those two instances are helpful for Antonio– one to get him out of the royal family (who had practically kidnapped him) and the other to push forward and continue playing in concert to save his pride. There’s no reason to believe that something would have happened between the two of them, there’s no way either of them could have guessed. 

While Andrea does not know, we as the viewers are very aware that Antonio is being truthful when he says that he was not himself. There are several canonical accounts in Antonio's lore that tells us that the devil in his backstory is real (and IDV did not write off all of it’s supernatural-- Luchino’s Professor to Reptilian’s existence is proof alone, alongside the other Eldritch Beings), and to refute it in order to “blame” him is absurd when there's nothing in canon that would even imply to us that the devil isn’t real. There is nothing in canon that would point to Antonio lying about the devil, and if you think so I recommend you read his deductions and first letter again to refresh yourself. The text is set in stone that he does have supernatural/demonic involvement.

This is not a matter of a relapse of addiction, this is a matter of possession by a supernatural being and the fact that Antonio is not himself. While he does bring up “seduced by the long-lost joy and pleasure of gambling in the Casino,” he does not mean this literally. As this letter takes place to recount one instance in time, I believe Antonio is speaking poetically and is comparing the way the possession feels to his prior experience gambling. He took the risk of playing the song for her, and that in itself is the gamble. There would be no reason for him to play the song and then just fuck off in the middle of it to go to a Casino, since this is recounting one set instance in time.

I previously brought up that in Antonio’s possession he has never really done anything directly to people, instead he just plays while the demon takes over him. As I have also (repeatedly) previously brought up, we as the viewer are aware that Antonio was Not Himself and anything happening under this moment was the devil. That being said, there’s two things that may have happened here:

In his possession, he frightens her-- it’s a horrifying thing to see someone you love become an almost entirely different person (because he, in this case, WAS an entirely different person) and she is too fear stricken to leave until he is out of possession. Antonio mentions “distant crying,” which implies that she was across the room from him rather than directly near him. He also describes the bow gradually swung down with inertia, rather than by his (or the devil using his) force. This would make sense as an option, given his prior behavior upon playing that song on the violin. When I first read the letter, I did genuinely think it was that he ended the song as he heard her cry and the slow fall (“gradually” , “inertia”) was him coming out of the possession and thus the bow hitting the ground in front of him. 

However I cannot deny another possibility that aligns with the described behavior, which is the one most people have chosen to believe, that while under possession the devil may have used Antonio to strike Andrea. If this is the case, I do not believe he had done anything more than one strike. I do not believe he beat her as some people may have claimed, as the word beat over hit has severely different connotations– and it would have been detailed in the text instead of a vague horror. There is nothing that would imply further than that. However, I am more inclined to believe the first option over the second-- but again I will not and cannot deny this possibility.

However, there is no way to tell exactly what has happened, as Antonio was not conscious enough during the event to tell us. We simply know that he played the song, wound up possessed, and in the process Andrea ends up crying in a mess on the floor and it takes him out of the possession. Looking at it, after rereading the letter, to me it seems that Antonio has no idea what actually happened and is in horror at himself at the possibility of different things that could have happened. This is a one off instance rather than an occurring instance given his prior possessions have never hurt anybody. Once again, he could not have known any better. We cannot say for sure what he did or did not do, and this will likely stay this way. Identity V likes to be incredibly vague, and when they want something to be obvious they will be obvious about it. It's why the media is so full of unreliable narration... because they want us to do the work and piece it together. We're the detectives after all!

Now, it is important to note that: even though his actions were not his own, this still has an effect on Andrea. It is equally important that I state, again, that I am not blaming Andrea for anything that has happened. We as the viewer know it is not him, but she does not– and Antonio is aware that she does not, which is why he takes the time to explain it. What happens between them is still understandably hurtful and terrifying, but through the lens of the viewer we need to be aware that Antonio shows remorse and regret. The second he recognizes what has happened, he is terrified in what his image had been used to do, whether if it was to strike her or if it was just him scaring her. This carries on in the next set of lines.

He calls back to “the sunlight, the moonlight, the starlight” as a way to prove how much he cares for her and how much she means to him. Additionally, he is aware that he cannot fix what has been done, and he is aware that in her mind it is him who had scared her off/hurt her. It is important to note: he is not asking for forgiveness, he is apologizing. He is acknowledging how this has affected her.

Calling back to the beginning of the document, it has been months since they have last spoken. He is looking for her, not just for closure and to apologize but because she has gone missing.

Given how we know he becomes a hunter, whoever speaks to him about getting rid of his possession was lying to him. <3 But it’s important to note that Antonio arrives at the manor in order to find Andrea again and he is aware he is taking a risk. He writes her this note, in the hopes that she will see it, as a way to prove to her that he is changing for the better and as a way to go out of his way to change for her likely so he cannot bring her, or anyone else, harm again.

Basically, the most we need to point out here is that he is still in love with her+ he feels remorse+ he’s going out of his way to risk everything just to change and reverse his errors + this will fail him.

If you read all of this, hope you enjoyed! :)

[nomstellations]

i'm tenuously assuming that the whole callout post against @/vampiribal wasn't done in bad faith but i would recommend in the case that you are genuine to at least read their response to it

while yes, my intentions with the warning doc aren't in bad faith, this ask definitely feels like it is!

i'm not sure...what you want me to do about that? rescind the "callout" ? the fact of the matter is that he's still perfectly fine with exposing minors to adult content and the fact that he'd rather delete than change that is telling. he's clearly got trauma with the vore community, he told us that- but pushing that trauma and your ideals onto other people (vore is a porn word and if you use it you're a fetishist, liking unwilling is the same as having a sexual assault fetish, etc) and making that into a misleading ass tag for people to follow is NOT it. his post you insisted on me reading just tell me that he still refuses to take responsibility for his actions and how he treated people (especially with just saying "it was years ago!" with no elaboration, and what triggered this document being made happened this year!), and he's playing the victim. again, like how he did with us. implying that we'd DOXX him is straight up foul- all of the information in the doc was taken from his blog, our confrontation with him, and his old twitter account. did you read it or did you come here straight from the post with no context?

yes, he should delete his blog! for his mental health, and for the safety of others. being in this community is only damaging him and putting minors at risk, especially given the incident of sexual harassment and intentional misgendering.

[hebezunet]

also, since i am... 100% certain that the chip twitters aren't coming back, i wanna take a few minutes to talk about my experience as a mod for one of the characters (since i doubt it's any surprise that I was one lol)

firstly, i'm not revealing anybodys identities here other than my own, because everyone has fully moved on from the project and don't wanna be assocciated in any way with it anymore. i'm making this post mostly for myself and maybe 2 other people so even if you have inklings of who the other mods are, don't look for them. they will not be happy

with that out of the way-

if it wasn't supremely god damn obvious by this point, i was the most recent mod for bert. from like... what, may 2020? that whole big arc where he got out of the bertputer, that's when i started. definitely a lot of weight on my shoulders with that one.

despite how much i had fun writing for bert though... this whole project was really a nightmare from beginning to end behind the scenes. before we (the new team) could even start actually posting and writing stuff, there was a whole kerfuffle getting the keys (account log in info) from the old team. had to even get david involved for a few things, which we really hated doing just cuz we didn't like bothering him. the old team was also... well, its own thing. i've kinda blocked out most of what happened regarding that but what i do know was that it was very mentally taxing trying to get rid of the old guys and get us logged into the new accounts.

people also certainly had... mixed feelings about the direction we tried to take things in. we were handed a story that was already extremely jacked up with its own weird baggage attached and had to make do with what we could. the story beats set up by the previous team were really hard to work with and we genuinely just did not agree with some of the characterization that was happening. namely bert and otto, they were... something. so, we tried our best to work with it and find justifications or explainations for certain behaviors and actions. i do know for a fact that there were people that did not like what we did with bert, especially. remember seeing stuff saying that we 'aged up' bert for the sole purpose of shipping him with rotten which... is not at all what happened. he was already a grown up character, in his late teens or early 20s, but the previous team had infantilized him to such a degree and for so long that that was just what people knew. we ended up justifying this by basically diagnosing bert with trauma induced age regression. it's a little complicated and a little fuzzy to recall, but that's the intention we were going with, at least.

we did originally have bigger plans for these characters and their arcs and everything, but the team was losing interest and everything surrounding it was genuinely sending some of us into mental crisis. it made us all distance ourselves really far from the project and not wanting to touch chipspeech as a whole with a 10 ft pole. a lot of this stemmed from the sovereign station server too, it was fine like 80% of the time, but shit got weird in there. if you weren't in there then like, good. you've saved yourself the headache. but overall, pretty much everyone has moved on and is doing their own thing now. there's been a few mods that I don't talk to anymore due to other circumstances, but I'm still good friends with a handful of them. they're doing much better now, too.

long story short, the characters just... aren't gonna be coming back, as far as I can tell. it's been pretty obvious due to the 2+ years of radio silence, but just to put the nail in the coffin. i still believe that the twitters are a great springboard for your own interpretations, and that's kind of another reason why we stopped. these characters can honestly be whatever the hell you want them to be. making a rigid sort of canon to apply to them is a little silly, especially when it's a bunch of young adults roleplaying that canon on twitter dot com. do whatever you want. it was a fun enough ride while it lasted.

that being said though, i personally still hold chip near and dear to me. strong interest has definitely faded, but i still like making covers occasionally and drawing the guys and silly stuff like that. i have a lot of myself to thank for chipspeech, and that's not changing, despite the horrors that we faced. thanks for reading all this if you did lol.

and bert is best boy im DYING ON THIS HILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!