#I want to help you. but that would require me to confront the impossibly big feelings I have abt it. and I can't. I just can't | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thechekhov · 4 years

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So glad you decided to play Undertale! I think it would really suit you so I’m so happy you got into it! Could I have your thoughts about the game? I would LOVE to hear them. I’m ALL for long essays and rants, that’s my jam, but even just a small review from you would make me ecstatic!

Alright alright alright alright.

I am ecstatic that someone asked because I have a lot to say AS ALWAYS.

I’m gonna try to keep this readable, I swear. Will add pictures in between to keep things interesting.

However, due to the length this will SURELY achieve, AND due to spoilers (and yes, laugh at me all you want, the game has been out for 5 years) I’ll put this under a cut. Read at your own (f)risk.

Metagaming - the game plays YOU

When I first started Undertale, I ‘knew’ these things:

there’s a stabby one with a knife, their name is chara

there’s a flower everyone hates

something something sans something something

and the last, and perhaps most important thing

you can spare your enemies to avoid killing them

The thing is. The THING IS.

I did not realize how pervasive this strategy was. My thought at first was ‘okay, so I don’t have to kill EVERYONE.’

I had no idea that the reality was that I didn’t have to kill anyone.

I’m sure many others have already said this, but Undertale kind of changes the way you think about other games. It forces to you examine simply fighting your way through the RPG by introducing completely non-murder-y ways to resolve issues. This conversation-based combat style is not the first of its kind, I’m sure, but it’s also incredibly well done. It ties into the story, it ties into your decisions.

It ties into your decisions SO MUCH that it changes everything else in the outcome.

Undertale is a game well known for breaking the 4th wall. However, it does so in a strangely eerie, heart-wrenchingly real way. It teaches us that there are other solutions to conflicts - and it really... it really TEACHES us, you know?

Which is funny because to be honest, it took me a while to get the lesson.

(You may already be fully aware of this but yes, my first True Neutral Route was extremely organic. I legitimately had no idea that there was even more than one ending. I was just stumbling about er... killing. Out of habit.)

The beauty of this is that the game drives home that point even more effectively because I was fully unaware of my own bias. I had assumed that some enemies would require killing - DESPITE TORIEL SPECIFICALLY TELLING ME TO TALK TO THEM, and the entire Ruins tutorial being about Mercy. I killed the Dummy on accident (granted, it was due to me pressing the key too fast a few times) and didn’t think much of Toriel’s disapproval. I killed a few monsters because I saw my level was low and decided to automatically grind a little bit.

By the time I got to Toriel, I was still not comfortable with the mechanic. I knew I could Spare her somehow - after all, she was a kind monster, and clearly an important character - but the Spare option didn’t yield promising results the first few times I chose it. I ran out of patience and decided that maybe... maybe it was like pokemon!

Maybe I had to get her health down to a certain level before she would allow me to pass through.

Funny thing though.... you know what happens if you attack Toriel one too many times? Even if she has most of her health left?

Yeah uh... it activates that one-hit-KO thing from No Mercy Route.

So of course, what happened? I hit her one too many times... and killed her! And of course, immediately panicked and reset.

I got back to my previous save, Spared Toriel PROPERLY this time, and walked out of the ruins only to be confronted with my own reliance on the magical ‘redo’ button which was... apparently... not that magical.

Because it WASN’T a clean redo. Flowey apparently remembered.

The idea that the game would KNOW about my previous attempts beyond the save file snapped me out of my casual Undertale playthrough. I realized that something was up - this game was not going to be like the others.

I think it was from this point on that I tried to be more careful, but again - I still hadn’t quite gotten the memo about not killing. I took down a few monsters around Snowdin. And when I got to Papyrus, I grew frustrated about not being able to beat him (I ended up losing several times and coming back to try again) and went off to grind SOME MORE because I figured that could raise my HP and increase my chances of holding off long enough to Spare him.

(The incredible thing about this game is that actually, raising your level gives you only a slight advantage. You can be level 1 and carrying no items, and as long as you’re relatively proficient at dodging the bullet hell style projectiles you will have no issues.)

Anyway, the point is that I realized I could spare the big monsters and did so readily - but I didn’t bother to spare many of the smaller ones.

I figured it didn’t matter.

And then I successfully evaded Undyne, gave her a cup of water, etc... and then went to her house to meet Papyrus, fully expecting her to befriend me anyway.

And you know what happened?

“She said she won’t hang out with a murderer.“

I think that probably hit me the hardest at that point in the game.

I had a bit ‘....oh’ moment at that point because I realized that the game would punish me for killing even the ‘not-important’ civilians of the Underground. It wasn’t about just sparing the ‘boss monsters’. My actions had consequences beyond just the ‘elite’ characters that we all tend to focus on.

Because yes, it made sense. It wasn’t about just Undyne - why WOULD she randomly be my friend after I killed tons of living beings?

From there on, I spared everyone, but didn’t reset. I decided to see how it would unravel.

The thing I want to talk about, which is a little difficult, is that...

It took me that long to learn that kindness was the answer. And that, in itself, ends up being a metaphor.

It’s difficult to be kind if you have not been show how to be.

It’s difficult to change the way you behave (in a game or out of it) if all you know is using other methods.

It was hard enough to spare Toriel before I realized I had to just be very patient and trust that her attacks wouldn’t hit - though at first I thought she would just kill me!

It was hard to avoid Papyrus’ attacks and I had to die several times before I successfully got through it.

It was near impossible to fight Undyne because I legitimately had no idea Fleeing was an option. I struggled for ages at her stage, and I had to ask for help to understand what I could do.

And that’s actually honestly very true to life as well.

Being kind takes risk. Being kind takes effort. And sometimes, being kind means asking others HOW to be kind.

When you choose to be kind, you risk being hurt, and you risk being trapped (Toriel). When you choose to be kind, you need to expand a lot more energy to succeed (Papyrus). When you choose to be kind, you need to sometimes reach out to others to show you how to properly do it (Undyne).

The rest of the playthrough probably went about as you expect. I completed the game, didn’t kill any Boss Monsters, fought to the end and... got that really unsatisfying Neutral Ending which felt strangely bittersweet.

And of course, after I was done, I was prompted to go back and do a proper Pacifist Run. Which I did. I learned about the background of Determination, about Chara and Asriel... and about how everything came to be the way it was.

The thing that gets me the most about this game is how it serves as a direct parallel to how we use videogames. In fact, Undertale is a videogame... about videogames.

Chara appears to be a direct metaphor for the people that use videogames to escape - to cope with whatever happened to them in The Overworld. Bad family life, or bad relationships or whatever we suffer - escapism through games is not, in itself, a new theme.

Chara arrived in Undertale by dropping themself down a hole in the mountain, perhaps even seeking to end their life. They dropped into a world which offered them comfort and companionship, a new family and a new life - but in the end, their nature was destructive because their means to finding a solution inadvertently used other people as fodder. Asgore, Asriel - they used everyone else to complete their plans. It wasn’t about forming connections - it was about Completing the Quest.

I wonder - did Chara even HAVE access to a MERCY option?

Was their world one without the option of sparing someone? Did they only have the choice of acting - and was Mercy in the hands of whoever attacked them? I wonder how difficult it might have been for them. I wonder how that, in itself, shaped their perception of the world.

I wonder if that’s why, during the No Mercy run, people recognize you as Chara? If they come back and attach themselves to your resonating DETERMINATION?

If this is true, was MERCY perhaps created later, brought into existence once Asriel himself made the choice to NOT fight, to turn back and flee, even after being attacked by humans in the Overworld?

(It would be a nice parallel to Asgore DESTROYING the Mercy option when you enter the fight with him...)

...

In the end, I think Undertale is about many things, including video games.

But it’s also hurting - and being hurt.

It’s about how trauma can shape us, how we deal with feeling grief, and loss, and depression - and not being able to feel anything.

It’s about how we focus on goals and use DETERMINATION to keep going - even when whatever it is that’s driving us no longer has any SOUL.

It’s about how our action have consequences, but they also carry the weight of a choice, and how powerful those choices are, and how powerless we feel when we aren’t given a choice - not to fight back, nor show mercy.

I think that’s probably the reason this game resonated with so many people. It really brings something we love about videogames to the forefront - that ability to fight back, to have full and total control of our own lives...

And it also shows us how having that endless loop of repetitive grinding and fighting with zero consequences can lead to an incredible hollowness and make us numb to how we interact with real-life people.

Anyway.

Good game.

#Anonymous #undertale #flowey #toriel #frisk #chekhov draws undertale #chekhov writes a text post

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creatorofchaos · 3 years

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Dream SMP’s Pandora’s Vault - the Prison

I think it is important we theorize who could end up in the prison. We, of course are at a disadvantage as we do not know, even vaguely anymore, how the story will progress.

Notes:

Dream has said the prison is for someone capable on December 27, 2020.

He also said that it is NOT for Tommy.

It has been built in such a way that the prisoner would lose all three canon lives, as once again mentioned by Dream.

The last one is important because there would be no point in adding it if Dream did not want to put emphasis on the whole ‘three lives’ thing. If it was someone with less than three lives, then there is no point to mentioning this fact. Checkov’s Gun and all that fun stuff.

This eliminates a large swath of people just on the last point alone. Such names include: Tommy, Philza, Tubbo, Fundy, Quackity, Sapnap, and Schlatt (see Wilbur reaction to game theory video and him realizing that Schlatt still technically has one canon life left).

Another group can be quickly eliminated: the Badlands. They helped build the prison, have wanted to be allies with the Dream SMP, and will more than likely be the prison guards.

One other honorable mention is Dream himself. Although there was a chance he could have been tricked into being locked up in the prison by the angry L’Manbergians, Dream has eliminated such a threat.

So, who does that leave on Dream’s actual threat radar? Techno, Wilbur, Ranboo, Eret, George, and someone else (see below for possible individual)

1. Technoblade - Likely, but Predictable

He has been a fan favorite to be locked up since the prison started. He also fits the two actual requirements above. He’s capable in many aspects of the game and has all three of his canon lives left.

However! Dream and Techno have a oddly positive relationship. There has not been one hint of animosity between the two that wasn’t brushed over with new friendship in a near instant. We all thought Techno would protect Tommy from Dream but when Dream confronted Techno about housing Tommy, Techno said he and Tommy were business partners and he wouldn’t be handing Tommy over to Dream unless Dream wanted that favor turned in. Dream brushed it off and didn’t take Techno’s words as a threat.

Furthermore, why would Dream throw away an ally that shows every reason to side with Dream. Although Techno may be an immovable wall for Dream, Techno is a wall. If Dream leaves him alone, he won’t do anything to Dream. So Techno is no threat to Dream.

It seems that if it is Techno, it would be too predictable. The writing that has gone into this has largely been good at hiding the obvious by using Techno as a scapegoat. It wouldn’t surprise me if they’d do the same here.

2. Wilbur - Unlikely, but Interesting

Why Wilbur? Isn’t he dead? Well, on Doomsday, Ghostbur wanted to be resurrected, which is apparently happening on the 10th of January. As shown by Jack Manifold breaking down death’s door, and regaining his three lives, Wilbur could do the same. (This last bit is based on various posts I saw about jack’s January 6th stream).

So what? Wilbur’s back alive. What’s the big deal? Well, he’d have all three lives back, he’s very capable (and can be quite manipulative), and all of a sudden, has figured out a way to escape death. The three canon deaths rule is something that separates Dream from the peasants of the server. He would feel threatened by someone figuring out how to overcome death, so it would be in his best interest to lock said person up.

Furthermore, Wilbur has always been a threat to Dream, being able to rally people to his side in a way that Tommy can’t, while having the morals Dream himself lacks. A threat to Dream Dominance, if I’ve ever heard of one.

3. Ranboo - Possible, but Pointless

Ranboo has a major drawback that he only shares with Ghostbur: his short term, emotion-driven, memory loss.

He seems like a likely candidate. He’s well liked and could rally the server behind him in a way that echoes of Wilbur’s L’Manberg. He’s highly capable in defeating Dream with those abilities, already allying Techno and Phil to a point where Techno wouldn’t even harm him during Doomsday.

However, Ranboo’s memory loss is his major drawback. If his memory book is altered, he won’t know, and will move on without having been the wiser. Dream knows this and has already proven he is willing to do it, having stolen Ranboo’s book to show his traitorship to L’Manberg. Dream can simply just manipulate Ranboo without ever needing to lock him up. It would be pointless for Dream to use the prison on Ranboo.

4. Eret - Unlikely, and also Pointless

Eret, like Ranboo has a drawback that Dream can easily manipulate: his kingship. Eret, time and time again has proven that he will sacrifice everything else to keep the crown, and thus remain subject to Dream. If he gets too rebellious, Dream can just put another puppet on the throne and wait for the steam to blow over before gifting it back to Eret, restoring their uneasy alliance. Dream doesn’t need to build another prison for Eret because Eret already willingly goes to his prison: the castle.

5. George - Extremely Unlikely, but Extremely Heartwrenching

George is Dream’s one and only weakness. George rarely logs on in the server, which makes Dream appear invincible. However, whenever George is active, he is a constant liability to Dream. He is constantly in danger solely because of Dream’s attachment to him. Any time George is active, Dream’s plans are hindered and have to normally be adjusted accordingly to keep George happy.

What better way to cover a liability than locking it up so it can’t be harmed. Not only is the prison in breakable to escape from, but it is also impenetrable to those who are not familiar with its intricacies.

No one can harm George - and thus, Dream - if they can’t get to him.

6. The Random - CaptainSparklez - Nearly Impossible, but the Most Story Driven and World Building Possibility

Sparklez is very much so a fan favorite for the next YouTuber to join the Dream SMP. He is also highly respected and connected to the current members. He has accepted the canon of Tubbo being his son and Tubbo accepting Sparklez as his dad. The only people who didn’t grow up watching Sparklez play Minecraft are BBH (25) and Philza (32). Wilbur, possibly, would not have been largely influenced by Sparklez as he is 24. However, many of the others have said they grew up watching Sparklez; they were born in Revenge.

More importantly, they all, more than likely, grew up watching Sparklez play Mianite, a role playing server that has many parallels with Dream SMP.

Furthermore, Mianitian Isles just ended before Christmas, right when the prison was finished.

There have been rumblings about the mysterious red egg being connected to the Darkness from Mianite (forgot the AU name) and what better way to actually pull it off.

Dream has a motive to locking up Sparklez for two different scenarios:

1. If Dream is actually evil because of the red egg - the Darkness - he would want to lock up a world hopping Sparklez so that the Captain couldn’t foil the plans of the Darkness.

2. If Dream is not evil because of the Darkness but some other reason, he still wouldn’t want someone with a just moral compass unconditionally allying Tubbo, and thus Tommy, against him. What better way than locking up the Captain the moment he joins the world, never able to even contact his son of his arrival.

Sparklez, even without his Mianitian demigod status, is more than a capable adversary. The mans was built around puzzle maps, parkour challenges, and escapes. He even has done adventure maps where he has escaped prisons, on many more than one occasion.

He also, you know, has three lives upon entering.

I’m not saying I have a clear favorite, but I have a clear favorite.

Melt me know what you think down below!

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karmelek-writes · 3 years

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comfort zone I part 3

Harrison Osterfield x fem!reader, Tom Holland x fem!reader

Synopsis: What do you do when you love them but want someone else?

Word count: 4,5k

Warnings: angst, swearing, suggestive comments, mentions of sex, smut, adult themes

A/N: Hey guys! This is part three of the "comfort zone". I wanted to thank you all again for supporting me and commenting, reblogging, and liking the series! Also, sorry for the delay. The next part will come out on Friday, as usual. Let me know what you think of this part! (sorry for any mistakes, English is not my native language plus this part wasn't proofreaded)

Love, W 🖤

When you entered Tom's bedroom you immediately felt your tensed body softening as the smell of Tom intoxicated your senses. There wasn't another place on this earth you felt more comfortable in than his room. It wasn't big but the cream-painted walls and huge mirror in the middle made it seem vaster. There wasn't much furniture, just all the necessities, but you had to admit that Tom had been keeping his room clean and fresh. It was typical, yet lego Death Star set and spiderman figures arranged neatly on a bedside table screamed Tom. You kept teasing him about this but in reality, you found it endearing. The souvenirs he brought home from the places he had visited were dusting on the shelf, reminding him of good old days having fun on set and hanging out with the cast after work. What always got your attention was his cartoon figure leaning on the wall next to his bed. He got it for his birthday after landing the role of spiderman as a joke from Harrison, his brothers, and you. Even when Tom was younger everyone knew he was born to act. His family and friends would tease him about it calling him a movie star which always made him fuss around. When he finally made it to Hollywood, you all knew what you had to do. You told him that you all had a surprise purposely hyping it up. Judging by his reaction you expected him to throw it out but he kept it. At times Tom was a nerd but it made you like him even more because despite becoming a literal movie star, he never stopped being this little cute boy who still slept in spiderman pj's he was gifted on his 19th birthday.

The cartoon figure was what you were looking at when Tom cleared his throat and locked the door. The action made you turn around to glance at him with confusion written all over your face. His focused gaze and sudden shift of behaviour confirmed your suspicion that it was going to be a serious conversation.

"So… Are we going to talk about what happened?" Tom's nervous voice rang in your ears making your heart rate speed up. You knew that was the moment you had to confront him about your feelings. “Because for the last couple of days I’ve been thinking about everything. I would hate to leave like that.”

“I know,” you sighed mentally preparing yourself to recite the speech you’ve created in your mind in advance. “Look, ever since I met you I feel like my life has gotten better. I never thought I would have such an amazing person in my life,” in the corner of your eye you saw Tom smiling excitedly at your compliment. His honey-brown eyes were sparkling and you had to stop yourself from hugging him and running your hand through his messy curls. “What happened between us was sudden and I’ve said it already, I don’t regret it. Actually, I’m quite happy with how things turned out,” you chucked at the end hoping it would relieve the stress and hesitation in your voice. Your words were all that brunette needed to confirm that you wanted him as much as he wanted you. In the room illuminated by the moonlight, Tom’s silhouette moved closer to you. Having approached you, he touched your exposed arm and traced his fingers up so gently as if he was scared he would break you if he pushed harder. His hand on your body caused shivers to appear and a slight flush crept into your cheeks. You hated and loved the contact silently hoping he would give you more. It seemed like your thoughts were heard as Tom slowly but confidently started to walk you backwards until you fell on his unmade bed. He leaned as close as he could, placing both arms on the sides of your head making it impossible for you to escape.

"I don't want to leave you here," he fussed, highly aware that the next few weeks were going to be hell without you lulling him to sleep, inquisitively going on and on about your day. Resisting the urge to pout you tried to overcome the feeling of sadness slowly accumulating in your chest.

"And I don't want you to leave," a deep sigh escaped your lips, pushing back the thought of him flying away the following day. "But we are here now, so what are you going to do about it?" you extended your arm to grasp Tom's messy curls, daring him to cross the boundary unconsciously set up the moment you've become friends to dive in the pleasure. Tom didn't give you a verbal answer, but knowing that actions speak louder than words, he lowered himself to place a soft kiss on the crook of your neck. The cracked lips caused a wave of shivers to run down your spine, your stomach dropping as you felt sudden wetness between your legs. Mixed with the wet marks left by Tom's tongue, the sensation made your eyes shut, spots emerging in front of them. All your senses were keen, escalating the intensity of the experience.

Tom was determined to work you up as he unhurriedly worshiped your body. A deep moan followed by a throaty “fuck” were the sounds at which you opened your eyes. Your longing stare met Tom’s one and you could swear right then, right there you had never seen a more mesmerising sight. Brunette’s once soft strands now had stuck to his forehead glistening from the sweat. His usually pale cheeks were now painted deep pink - a result of his unholy thoughts combined with the sight of your perfectly shaped body. Eyes dark with desire, hungry to capture every inch of your figure. You noticed beads of sweat dripping on your already wet chest, your shirt clinging to your torso enhancing curves you’d work so hard on at the gym. Lifting yourself on your elbows you signed to Tom to help you strip. You weren’t a self-conscious person, nor were you hesitant to show your figure, but you didn’t like to preen yourself on it. However, you felt the rush of confidence wash over as you caught Tom lustful ogling and wanted to take control of the situation. Shifting from underneath you poked Tom’s chest and pushed him to lay down. Foggy mind and the burn you’d felt on the skin still were dislimning your senses causing you to clumsily collapse at the top of Tom in your attempt to straddle him. Silent ouchs followed by a breathy laugh falling from the boy’s lips made your heart clunch in embarrassment. Much to your surprise, he kissed you as if he wanted to assure you that he didn’t find your awkwardness unnerving. In the few seconds of your make-out session, you recomposed yourself and broke the kiss wanting more as the throbbing between your legs became unbearable.

In the heat of a moment, you took off your bra leaving your breasts exposed for Tom to admire. You didn’t miss how his pupils dilated and his mouth went dry just by gaping at you. This fueled up your nerve leaving no place for doubt and hesitation in your mind. Shamelessly, you rocked your hips against his own at a slow pace. Grunts and scratchy moans could be heard, falling from Tom’s lips like prayers begging for your pleasure. With his eyes shut and fists clenched, he couldn’t look more beautiful, more vulnerable, falling into pieces for you. Finding pleasure in the position and the power you hold over him, you let yourself get lost in the bliss of his hard cock sliding through your folds, the tip teasing your sensitive clit in a steady motion. Wrapping his arm around your waist, Tom lifted himself until he was on an eye level with your chest, his mouth immediately clinging to your breasts, tongue swirling around your hardened nipple. Slowing down your pace, you cupped Tom's face and connected your lips in an aggressive kiss, teeth brushing and tongues intertwined. Fighting for dominance, Tom flipped you so that he was on top. Groaning, you brought him impossibly close leaving no space between your sweaty and hot bodies. Tom's little whimpers were more often now that he was thrusting into your hips, trying to bring himself closer to the limit. Knowing you couldn't last much longer you moved your hand to slip it into your undergarment only for Tom to stop you to do it himself. He licked his fingertips and shoved it into your panties, rubbing your clit in circles.

“That’s okay, cum for me baby,” Tom muttered, trying hard to catch his breath. Completely lost in the moment, you obeyed his command and let go of the tight knot that formed in your stomach. The sensation of Tom’s body pressing against you and his fingers playing with the heart of your femininity caused you to almost black out, starts appearing in front of your eyes. Letting out a pornographic moan, you tried to arch your back gripping the sheets so hard your skin turned white. You couldn’t tell for how long you were wiggling under your best friend’s body but it felt like hours until you were able to get back to reality.

Coming down from your high you took notice of a wet stain on Tom’s trousers. You opened your mouth to say something but he cut you off offering you some fresh clothes and a glass of water. Not thinking much, you accepted his little acts of care and walked past him to change in the bathroom.

Having closed the door, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and tried to calm your racing heart. While you were getting dressed Tom was silently freaking out. He could’t believe that you went this far. It still felt like a dream to him. At that moment he hated his lifestyle, he hated his profession that required him to fly away the following morning, splitting you up in the worst time. Maybe he could convince you to go with him? No, it was crazy. You had your life here, it wouldn’t be fair to take it away.

Tom’s running thoughts were cut off by the click of the door followed by your silhouette emerging from the room with a small smile. Tom returned the gesture and nodded at the bed, silently asking if you wanted to lay down with him. Getting back on the soft mattres, you let out a sigh contemplating if you should bring up your feelings. Truthfully speaking, you didn’t know how to act and it seemed like so did Tom. He sat down at the foot of the bed, facing away from you. He was scratching the nape of his neck - a habit that always betrayed his nervosity. He then suddenly stopped and it seemed like he came to terms with himself as he turned around to look at you with tears threatening to fall from his eyes and imperceptibly bleeding lip. He had to bite it to prevent it from trembling but the pressure was hard enough to rip the fragile skin of an organ. You couldn’t read anything from the look on his face and it scared you. Not thinking much you embraced him from behind placing your forehead against the side of his face. You wanted him to feel you, to detect that you were there for him.

“I-I don’t want to l-leave,” a broken stutter left his lips, repeating the words he had used before.

“I know, but people expect you to go,” you whispered to him, slowly rocking you two from side to side to the sound of the clock tickling and driving cars coming from outside the window.

“Tell me something that will make me stay,” his words echoed in the quiet room, so desperate and calling for help. Not thinking much you blurred out the first thing that came to your mind.

“I think I’m falling in love with you and that scares me but I don’t want you to go either,” before you got a chance to register your confession, Tom wrenched himself away from you to see if you were serious. He definitely wasn’t in the mood for jokes so when he identified your stoned expression he knew you meant every single word. Suddenly, a way of regret and pity washed over him, not being sure how to tell you the truth without breaking your heart.

“I… That’s… Um…” he tried to initiate the conversation but his mind was so fogged from regret and miscomprehension.

“You don’t feel the same?” you more of stated with so much heartbreak in your voice it took everything in Tom not to lie and tell you he’s always loved you to fix his mistakes. He stopped himself from it because you deserved something better than that. On the spur of the moment, he cupped your face hoping it would help him get to you easier.

“I love you, I really do but…” he couldn’t finish the sentence. It would kill him to watch your face fall with disappointment and sorrow, let down by the only guy who promised to cherish you forever.

“You don’t have to say anything more. I understand,” pushing Tom away from you, you got up making your way to the door wishing to get away from him as soon as possible. You were hurt beyond your expectations. All of the little moments you shared, the kiss, tonight, it meant nothing. You were livid at yourself, you didn’t know for what more - being so stupid to believe that he could ever love you or that he would ever want you for something more than just an easy fuck. Fueled by the sudden anger you turned to Tom with disgust painted all over your face. “Was I just a girl you wanted to try for a day and dump? Was I just good fun for you? Did you have fun playing with me?”

“God, no! I didn’t mean it to happen! I just did and I’m sorry, okay? Just please sit down and let me explain,” you were extremely angry but you needed answers so you stayed in your place, waiting for Tom to continue. “I tried so hard to love you. It just never felt right like there was something missing and I-I don’t k-know what it is but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you. I do love you, can’t you see that?” you didn’t reply for a few seconds and Tom started to get nervous. “Please, say something.”

“Can you try again?” you asked in a small voice. You kept your arms around yourself feeling uncomfortable out of the blue, your black socks suddenly becoming amusing sight to look at.

“Can I try what again?” confusion was evident in Tom’s tone. He knew he was losing you and he needed to do everything to keep you by his side.

“Try to love me.” silence filled the room as you asked the unfortunate question hoping for the answer you already knew you couldn’t get. But it was worth trying, wasn’t it?

“I’m sorry but I don’t think I can,” the words were hard for Tom to get out, a lump forming in his throat.

“Okay,” was all you muttered and at that moment Tom realised he fucked up. “I should go already, it’s late and you have to catch an early plane so…” you trailed hoping that he will get a hint.

“Please, wait!” he ran up to you as you were to exit his bedroom to wrap his arms around you in one last hug before he would leave. “I will keep calling every day, I don’t care if you don’t pick up or block my number. I will always try to get to you. You’re my oxygen, I need you,” if you were in a different situation Tom’s deep sobs would make your heart ache and feel sorry for him, rushing to lighten up his mood but now you didn’t have any of those thoughts. You just felt numb at his praying, a strange feeling settling in your stomach feeling his touch.

“Please, don’t become a stranger,” Was Tom selfish? Yes, but desperate situations require desperate attempts.

Freeing yourself from the brunette's tight embrace, you looked him in the eye for the last time and left the room wishing him good luck at his new job. He didn’t try and call for you, nor did he run after you. He stared at you silently tiptoeing downstairs avoiding contact with other people. You needed to talk about everything like adults but he knew you needed time and he was willing to give you that. He just wished he wasn’t leaving.

================================================

“Okay so… do you think we have all the stuff we need?” Harrison looked at you, having put your bag in the backseat.

“Yeah, granted that you didn’t forget to bring your big ego” you tried to joke and lift the mood but you knew it didn’t work when Harrison made a face at you. Since your not-so-nice exchange with Tom, you haven’t been in a pleasant mood. You knew that what he did wasn’t cool, but that didn’t stop you from missing him. You took off your phone, glancing at it for the twentieth time in the past thirty minutes only to see that you haven’t gotten any notifications. He said he would call. You felt stupid waiting for the guy who clearly didn’t want you and didn’t even bother to talk things out with you. You must have stared at your phone for a little too long because you heard Harrison clear his throat and saw him giving you a knowing look. You only rolled your eyes and put your phone back in your pocket.

“You can’t keep doing this, you know?” the blonde tried to take up a conversation with you. He knew something was up between you and Tom. He knew when you would stop smiling at him when he cracked jokes or when you stopped mentioning Tom in your conversations, or when he noticed Tom tensing at every mention of your name. He tried to get any pieces of information from his best friend but the brunette would always say that you were busy and that it wasn’t his business. Maybe it wasn’t Harrison’s place to be noisy but he had to admit that your careless aura was making him worry. Even when you were upset you acted more lively than now. He was aware that the matter was serious, he just didn’t know how to make it better… and he wanted to make it better for you.

During the last few weeks, your relationship progressed. Since Tom was constantly working, he didn’t have much time to call or text. And even if he did it seemed as if he wanted to spend it with other people. You couldn’t make out what went wrong in your relationship but you knew it was serious when Tom stopped making any effort. You’ve never seen him acting so indifferent towards you and it scared you. However, the lack of interaction between you two brought you closer to Harrison. You almost forgot how significant part of your life he was. Despite your sour mood, you enjoyed the time spent with him. He always made you laugh and feel needed. Your banter didn’t stop but it has changed into something softer and domestic. You found out that you didn’t mind it at all. Harrison still would do little things to drive you insane like casually tracing his fingers along your neck while putting a loose strain of your hair behind your ear or lowering his hand a bit too much than necessary while hugging you but it didn’t seem so unfamiliar and strange anymore. Talking to him almost daily, you learned to be more comfortable around him. To the point where you would hold his hand sometimes and stay over at his apartment after a long session of studying. That, however, didn’t mean that you couldn’t be playful. You knew that Harrison was as invested in your little game as you were. The rules may have changed a bit but it was still on. You had no idea what it meant for your friendship but it was too intoxicating to stop. Now that Tom was not there you could let yourself fully focus on it. You loved the feeling of uncertainty and on the other hand, you wanted to see how far you could push Harrison’s buttons. You were curious how much of it he could handle and if he would snap at some point. You couldn’t help yourself but subtly torture him with your slight touches during movie nights or walking around without a bra. You liked how worked up he always got. He would try to keep it together and act classy in front of you but eventually, you would catch him checking you out. In a way, it all felt wrong but all his attention was on you and you couldn’t help but feel good having this power over him.

When you got in the car you put on some music and looked outside the window. You didn’t want to talk to Harrison about your issues, especially not your issues with Tom so you tried to ignore his questions. Harrison, on the other hand, couldn’t find a way to make you open up to him. You two talked but he also wanted to support you when you weren’t feeling like you could handle things yourself. He remembered how Tom would complain about you being too secretive, even though you’ve known each other for years. That’s how he knew he would have to work hard for you to warm up to him. But that was the effort he wanted to put in. In the blonde’s eyes, you were the most intriguing person he has ever met. You two first came across in the cafe he worked at. You used to go there for some tea every day after classes during your first year. He’s been watching you for some time before trying to talk to you. One day his colleague dared him to get your number after he caught Harrison drooling over you during his break. So he gathered the courage and shot his shot. You two talked until the end of his break. He tried to get your number but you gave him your Instagram account instead. Soon you started to text each other and became really good friends. He would ask for your number a few more times but you always rejected him telling him to work for it. Harrison laughed to himself and shook his head. Even at the beginning of your friendship, you bossed him around.

“What’s so funny?” you asked, a bit confused by his sudden outburst.

“I just remembered how you used to reject me when we first met.” he turned to give you a small smile and started the engine.

“Oh yeah… You were desperate,” you smirked at him, knowing it would cause a good reaction and you weren’t wrong. Harrison gasped, abruptly turning to face you with fake hurt painted on his face.

“I wasn’t desperate! I just saw a pretty girl and wanted to take her out on a date but you were playing hard to get so you lost your chance,” he said it so casually you thought you didn’t hear him right.

“You evidently hadn’t worked hard enough,” you shrugged as if you didn’t care but in reality, your heart rate has sped up. You hoped that Harrison couldn’t hear your shallow breath. You never knew he wanted to take you out on a date and you didn’t know how you felt about it. The thought of him liking you more than just a friend brought butterflies in your stomach to life, making your whole body shiver. Maybe he wanted to take you on a date before. That doesn’t mean he’s still into you.

“So what should I do to get you to agree to go on a date with me?” the knot in your stomach tightened as his voice dropped down an octave. Was it possible he was still interested after all this time?

“I thought I lost my chance,” trying to keep it cool you exhaled softly hoping that the blonde didn’t notice how you squirmed lightly in your seat.

“Well… It depends,” he moved a little bit closer to you catching eye contact.

“On what?” you whispered gently trying not to raise your voice in fear that you would interrupt the moment.

Harrison’s voice matched yours as he whispered “How hard you can work after,” Noticing your disgusted look, he started to laugh deeply.

“Oh God, your jokes are so poor,” you shook your head at him, not finding his joke amusing.

“Oh come on, I know you’ve been dreaming about it,” he wiggled his eyebrows at you. Maybe, just maybe you have thought of it once or twice but you’d rather die than admit it to him. "Besides my jokes aren't half as bad as yours"

“Whatever, Osterfield,” you tried to turn around and fasten your seat belt not in the mood to argue but he stopped your actions again.

“Hey look... I want you to have fun today, okay?” his voice softened as he took your hand in his and started to caress your palm. “I know we joke a lot and stuff.. But I really want to give you something to remember, a memory you would always smile at when thinking of it… or when thinking of me,” he chuckled as if he thought he was never on your mind. Oh, how wrong was he. “Just forget about everything and enjoy the moment. Can you do that for me?” you thought you would melt under his gaze. He was looking at you so lovingly with a dazzling smile that couldn’t make you disagree with him. You felt like his ocean blue eyes were piercing your soul, taking your breath away. After a moment you realised that you could look into them for hours memorising the way his pupils dilated when he was looking at you.

“A-alright, I will.” you stuttered but still smiled at him and held eye contact. You didn’t know it was possible but his grin got even bigger causing you to do the same.

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise,” he smiled at you for the last time and turned around to start driving. Harrison said he planned something special for you. You didn’t know what the evening was about to bring but you knew you were screwed.

Taglist: @osterfieldshollandgirl, @tom-holland-is-spiderman-archive, @harryhollandsgirlfriend, @peachyafshawn

#tom holland story #tom holland series #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfeild imagine #harrison osterfield #harrison osterfeild x reader

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twisted-imagines · 4 years

Note

Hello! May I request some sfw and nsfw relationship headcanons for the Savanaclaw dorm students Jack, Ruggie, and Leona please?

I... genuinely didn't expect it would take so long😶 It's finished now and I really hope I did the boys justice in these headcanons😅 A lot of them already circulate in the fandom or in the discord(thank you guys!), but I still decided to flesh them out and include here.

Whew, that's my biggest work so far, whooping 6k words. Also the boys required adding female♀️and male♂️-specific bullets, hope it's fine with you. Still no read-more, I'm sorry for every passerby out there.

Please prepare yourself and enjoy💗

Savanaclaw relationship headcanons (SFW/NSFW)

Jack Howl 🐺

Sfw

• So that's the men they talk about, behind whose backs you feel like behind a stone wall? Not only is he big in stature, but Jack is also very reliable. Except for being your boyfriend, he's also your best friend and the biggest supporter; fan, if you may. There's nothing you can't discuss with Jack or ask for help with.

• Actually, the process of transition from friends to lovers was very hard for him, mainly because of how shy he was at first. One day you speak like always, discuss college and laugh together, and the next day he's a blushing mess, unable to say a coherent sentence to you. That day you asked him, whether he was ill, but the ones you actually had to ask about his state were his seniors who, as a gesture of goodwill, confronted their dear junior about his not so obvious crush on you the evening prior and ultimately turned his world upside down, when he finally realized that he liked you more than a friend.

• His bashfulness doesn't go entirely, no matter how long you date. Holding your hand in his still makes his cheeks red, hugging you makes his heart beat faster and kissing? Rest assured, you're the one initiating it most of the time.

• Which doesn't exactly make your kisses less pleasant. Jack can kiss, and he does it exceptionally well. Jack's kisses are the most loving and passionate, starting out very sweet and slow, and gradually becoming deeper and more intense, leaving you breathless. He's a type to cup your face and hold it there just gazing at you with lovesick puppy eyes.

• Jack is an open book. Whether he's happy, sad, angry, tired, or just thinking about something, it's pretty easy to spot and after some time into relationships you won't have problems gauging his mood.

• But even in instances when his expression doesn't betray him, he'll still talk with you, Jack is pretty earnest. His goal is for both of you to feel comfortable with each other. He wants to know about your hardships and vent about his own.

• Jack doesn't let just anybody close to his heart, and when he does he can be very vulnerable with them. That's also why your arguments always have such a heavy impact on him. In the middle of a fight he's not going to back down, and it'll continue as long as one of you doesn't storm out, but when he calms down he's going to regret so hard. Most of the time, he would want to go and find you, apologize and mend things as soon as possible, even if he was indeed right. With his fluffy ears sticking close to his head and bushy tail hanging down impossible low, he would ask you to just speak with him peacefully, saying he didn't want for this atmosphere between you to last any longer.

• By the way, you and only you have the unique privilege to pet his ears and tail. It both stresses him, because of how shy he is, and turns him into a puddle of affection when you gently caress him. He swears to himself, he could spend his whole life on your lap.

Did he actually say it out loud?...

• Your boyfriend is plainly adorkable and you treasure him so much.

• Also consider chilling with him in his wolf form! He doesn't get why you're always so eager to see him transform, but as long as you're happy he'll oblige. Cuddling, or lying above wolf Jack is the most serene feeling in the world, it's like lying on the fluffy, warm cloud.

• Jack is a walking heater, he emanates warmth, when you just stand next to him. What a hot man~ You'll probably be so thankful for it in winter, cuddling up to him is just the best, and he won't complain much about your freezing feet, he loves you after all. But in summer? Wolf boy got used to your hugs and is actually offended you don't embrace him as much. You can't fathom how he doesn't boil from the heat by just holding you in his arms. Power of love, truly.

• Bear hugs? Who needs them, when you have wolf hugs! Definitely, a type to completely engulf his partner into a hug, even his tail curls around you. The spoon, and no elaboration on that. No matter who embraces whom, in Jack's mind it's already perfect.

• Definitely not the PDA type, Jack is pretty reserved, and the best you can get out of him when people are watching is a light peck to the head and hand-holding.

• Sometimes he sticks into troubles because of his temper and distinctive sense of justice. It's for you to de-escalate the situation before it can turn into something serious. He may grunt because those guys definitely deserved to have somebody teach them a lesson, but you try to explain to him that it's for the best, he didn't stay aside, and that already counts.

• He wants you to delegate him all physically taxing tasks, whether by carrying your shopping bags, giving you something from the shelf, or anything else really. Chances are, you're still weaker than him and he wants to take care of you, the boy feels so proud when he can help you! "W-what? Me, a good boy?! ",- yes, Jack, the best. He sometimes hates it so much, how easily you fluster him.

• He would like to create a morning routine together with you. If you're not as keen on sports, muscle building, or can't endure heavy physical training he will just be glad to have you doing morning exercises near him, he genuinely thinks of it as some form of bonding. You noticed that while being in relationships with Jack your lifestyle changed into a much healthier one.

• Jack can be very playful with you, at times reminding of an actual wolf. When he's in an affectionate mood he may discreetly nuzzle your face, nibble on your ears or pet your hair. Most likely he doesn't mean anything sexual by it, just enjoying your presence, by other times his touches mean an entirely different thing.

Nsfw

• He definitely didn't have any experience before getting intimate with you. He blushes so hard, you think he'll pass out from excitement and his tail is just a flurry of colors, with how fast it wags.

• The first time is messy and chaotic, he is totally lost and doesn't know where to place his hands and what to do. Thankfully he's a fast learner, the rate with which he improves actually amazes you.

• The first time he goes down on you is a disaster too. But he's getting better quickly, and where he still lacks the skill, he makes up with determination. He's not leaving his place between your legs, until you cum at least once; if his jaw locks, he doesn't care. Jack gets addicted to your taste and he's the happiest when your tights are around his head, hands tugging on his white locks and the smell of your sweet arousal enveloping him.

• The first time you go down on him boy dies and ascends. Poor wolf cums in a minute and when he sees you struggling to swallow his cum? Jack swears he has never become hard so fast. Blowing him means freeing a good amount of time in your schedule, because, even if he gets embarrassed about it later, he'll hold you down there for a long time. He feels just pure bliss when you suck and lick him.

• Before you even try to initiate something in public, he's already looking at you with judging face. He despises the idea, that some other people may do such things in public places, so Jack himself is not going to engage in them.

• Pet the dog the boy! Do it, he'll be ecstatic. The base of his ears and tail are his most erogenous zones. He'll let out the neediest whines when you touch him, it's a sure way to get him in the mood. If you take back your hand he will growl softly and chase after it.

• While his growling may sound threatening Jack doesn't mean anything by that, he's just trying to release tension from being aroused. He's actually very tame, never exceptionally rough with you, unless it's your goal to rile him up. Jack doesn't fall entirely into sub/dom classification, he's vanilla, but he prefers to be on top and do the most of the work since it means he'll get to enjoy your whole body and he's all about expressing his love to you.

• The boy is pretty animated, but he always minds the volume. It's mostly grunts and growls, with occasional moans you adore so much. And feeling him growl when he's performing oral on you? Priceless.

• He has a knot. Even normally his cock's base is pretty thick, compared to the rest of the shaft, but when he's in you he rarely can withhold from forming a knot.

•♀️With female significant other Jack won't hesitate to beg her to let him put it in. The feeling of being connected like that with you makes him very emotional and appreciated even. It goes away after some time, and if you're worried about him actually knocking you up, Jack is actually very diligent about putting a condom every time you have sex.

• While he likes to see your face, the expressions you make, and that he can easily spot if you're not feeling good, Jack's all-time favorite pose is doggy style, how obvious. Having you on your four under him inevitably brings out his most carnal desires. Best believe, he's going to rock your world.

Ruggie Bucchi 🐆

Sfw

• This boy is husband material. Intelligent? Check. Good with money? Check. Knows how to cook, sew, clean, pay taxes? Check. Nobody will judge you if you propose to him after the first few months, Ruggie is good all-around if you've already learned to love him for who he is.

• The hyena boy is not very confident early into your relationships. He feels like if he starts to open up, you'll get to know him better and eventually... break up with him. He's on guard the entire time, trying to be a picture-perfect boyfriend, but it's so different from the way he behaved before, you can't help, but think something is wrong. At some point, all the stress from college, dorm management, and your relationships is going to get at him, resulting in you consoling him on your lap after he breaks down and cries from overworking himself constantly. After he's let it out if his system, venting to you about how anxious he actually is, and how he doesn't want to lose you, when you have just returned his feelings, you can finally soothe him and address what he's said. When he's in such vulnerable state, Ruggie really needs to hear that you want to see his other sides, even if he thinks they are not beautiful, that you are willing to accept him no matter what and he doesn't need to be perfect for you to love him and you're definitely not leaving him any time soon. This talk does make him feel more secure afterward and it's easier for him to rely on you a bit more.

• His love language is definitely acts of service! He loves to be helpful, to hear your praise when he's cooked lunch for you, took your clothes to the laundry for you, fixed your tie or shoelaces when you didn't notice it was loose. It makes him feel accomplished and you being grateful and repaying him for that, unlike a certain lion, is definitely a nice bonus. His preferred way is to receive your love in gifts, but you need to be careful with them! He won't appreciate you wasting your money on something stupid or of no use to him; it has to be practical, but not necessarily expensive. If you present him with a handmade gift though, he's going to treasure it, no question asked. The thought of you, spending time to create it with him in mind makes Ruggie feel warm all over.

• Quality time between you is very important for him too. A nice evening together, without the college, annoying seniors, and other distractions is perfect for him. If you can concentrate your attention solely on him, lavish only him with your touches, hugs, smooches, and words of praise, Ruggie is the happiest man alive.

• For your dates he prefers to stay inside, prepare dinner together, dance and fool around without the care in the world, watch some show popular in Twisted Wonderland right now or groom each other. Yes, Savanaclaw guys do like self-care evenings from time to time, Ruggie in particular likes when you trim his nails, you find out that they're much harder than human nails, or comb his hair and pet those fluffy ears.

• If it's a special occasion, he won't be against going to some nice restaurant or cafe, he does know that it's important for couples to go out together, even if your budget may not be that big. Reserving pricey dates for holidays and important dates leaves him some time to save up money and feel prepared.

• The type that claims that's he's the big spoon, but the moment you lie down together, he's already cuddling up to your chest like the smallest spoon that he is. Ruggie loves to be close to your heart, listen to it's heartbeat, feel your warmth around him, it's such a blissful feeling for him. Just sometimes or when you ask him to, he'll hug you from behind and whisper sweet nonsense into your ear, assuring you that he'll protect you and everything will be okay.

• He may seem this confident, self-assured, and quite bold young man, who isn't shy at all to show his love for you, freely kissing and flirting with you. The truth is, as soon he's out of your vicinity, he's blushing like mad, while his heart is hammering in his chest. He's not used, definitely not used to courting somebody, it makes him so nervous, but it's not like he'll ever admit this.

• He doesn't like to be called cute, at all. Ruggie doesn't associate it with a compliment and he would rather have you think he's handsome, pretty or sexy but not cute, might as well say that he's weak or you don't see him as a man. He's can be pretty stubborn when he wants to, so what's left for you is to choose other words of affirmation.

• In Ruggie's mind kisses and embraces are an intimate practice. He can tolerate casual touching, give a friendly pat on the back, or even put an arm around somebody's shoulder, but he has to draw the line at kissing and hugging. He feels very grossed out when someone he doesn't trust enough tries to breach his personal space like this and evades it like the plague. Most likely, you're the only one who he has ever had close enough relationships with to do these things.

• Ruggies kisses can vary. Sometimes it's just a quick peck when you're passing by in corridors. Other times it's loving french kiss that leaves you both breathless, and which the boy tries to save for when you two are alone. But when he's jealous or feels threatened as in seeing a particularly noisy suitor of yours making rather bold moves, he won't hesitate to show his tongue down your throat right before them to get his message across.

• This hyena is very possessive. He still remembers how it's like to not being able to eat your food on your own, to not have a constant safe place to sleep at night, to feel like the worst, least deserving flea ever, not being able to protect what is yours. He still struggles, but he's no longer the scrawny, weak kid he was before, and he finally has the power to preserve what he treasures. And you're one of his treasures: the most beautiful and kindest being he's ever met. When you are by his side he feels like he could take over the world and waking up at the morning has never been so easy for Ruggie, for he knows he'll meet you today once again, and will be able to hug, and kiss, and hear that you love him.

• You'll have to learn it the hard way, that his history made an impact on his morality. As long as his ways are beneficial to him, to you or to his friends, Ruggie has no qualms doing the dirty stuff. It's not always violent in nature, but he broke bones with his unique magic before, you even was the one to out him on that, but it doesn't mean he gave up that mindset completely. It anything, he has now learned to go with more complicated, round-about strategies. Leave justice and righteousness to the folks like Jack, Ruggie is not as naive to think that the world is fair and he knows he has to work hard for the things he knows he deserves. But you're with him for reasons, and not letting him loose all his compassion is one of them. Sometimes it's important that you work as his moral compass and stand up and firmly tell him out of doing something that you deem wrong.

• Your arguments are almost nonexistent since most of the time Ruggie is the first to back down and accept your point of view. He almost never loses his cool and If he thinks you are not right, he'll still agree with you just to pacify you enough so you would discuss it with him and reach a consensus. Ruggie doesn't like to fight with you, he would rather fix the problem right at the start, so it wouldn't escalate, than wait until one of you can't keep silent anymore. By considering each other's opinion and working around them, your relationships remain healthy and beneficial to both of you.

Nsfw

• You can't help but question, whether it's actually his first time as he's said or not, but you aren't going to complain, with how he masterly finds and stimulates all your sweet spots.

• ♀️He will fulfill his position on the top without a fault, but if you seek something else entirely, he won't disappoint you either. Ruggie wholeheartedly thinks that the best place for him is where you say him to be. He will attentively listen to your commands and fulfill them to his best ability, just for a chance that you'll praise or reward him in some way. Handle him the way you want, he's already on the seventh cloud to be able to mate- oh, he meant to make love to you. In short, Ruggie is the best hyena boy, who'll submit to you in a breath.

• ♂️ The brattiest bottom, and none other than you got him. Prepare to wrestle him, quite literally, for a chance to have him underneath you, or just around you. Unless you prove that you're deserving of it, he's not going to relent. But the gratification for it is immense: the blushing, whining, breathless mess that Ruggie is when you're done with him is truly the sight to behold.

• Ruggie has nice stamina and can handle a lot, and is even somewhat masochistic, but degradation and punishments don't sit well with him and make him very uncomfortable in the end. If you want to discipline him for teasing you on public or getting it on without you, the best way to make him realize his mistake is through orgasm control. Crying from over-stimulating or from broken orgasm makes him learn the lesson, but not feel disrespected deep down. Just edge him for hours on end and he'll be as good as gold the weeks afterward, until he starts thirsting for your treatment once again.

• It's either raspy dirty talk or loudest, most sinful moans possible, no in between. Poor residents still can't figure it out who keeps them awake at night, the pornstar worthy cries just don't tie in with the image of petite vice dorm leader, and even if some of them understood, one glance is everything it's going to take to silence them.

• ♀️ He loves the feeling of being in you, how warm and tight it is, but don't hide the strap-on too far, he loves it equally as much, the devilish glint in his eyes tells it all when you first suggest it. Ruggie receives it very eagerly and is very supportive of the idea of adding it when you have some "alone time" together.

• He's a putty in your hands when you blow him. The hyena feels very special when you pay such close attention to his dick and can't handle it for too long. Blow jobs are definitely the currency he accepts for being an amazing boyfriend and it's a treat he always looks forward to.

• Considering his stature, he's definitely not the biggest one out there, but does he know how to use it, and what positions make both of you feel good. A grower, you sometimes question yourself, if it's some kind of magic.

•♀️You on top of him makes him not under the collar at any time, but especially when you fuck. No matter if he's penetrating you, or eating you out, he's overjoyed and so head over heels for you. And does he love to go down on you. Ruggie adores your clit, and always pays it the utmost attention. Hyena boy loses the feeling of time when he is there, smothered by your tights and licking, tasting, sucking, drinking your juices, and enjoying your moans. You'll have to forcefully remove yourself from his mouth because he's not stopping on his own, even if you're already tearing up from overstimulation.

•♂️ He's going to demand to be on top, even if he's the one taking it, he wants to have an illusion that he's in charge, even if you ram his ass like there's tomorrow. If you're the one receiving his cock, hands down(ha!), he positions you into a doggy style, the penetration is amazing and his hip game is top-notch, you'll have a hard time declining him a top position afterward.

• He can be pretty stealthy, when he wants to, so if you're up for it he will gladly finger you/give you a handjob under the table. The feeling of his calloused fingers in your most intimate place can bring you to orgasm very fast, not to mention how skillfully be moves his hand. Oral in a hidden alley? Not entirely out of the plate too. And the way Ruggie deals with accidental witnesses or uncomfortable questions still hasn't made you face consequences, so it's definitely working.

Leona Kingscholar 🦁

Sfw

• Stupidly sexy lion. He knows the hots you have for him are immense and he's going to use it against you. If flashing the cockiest smirk you've ever seen and whispering in your ear is all it takes to convince you to sleep with him, ditch your homework, to laze around with him or just generally pay attention to him, he's going to abuse it as much as he can.

• You feel like you've become ten times lazier since you've started to date him, he thinks that you just spend quality time together as a normal, lovable couple.

• It's pretty much impossible to make him do anything, even if you're his significant other now. He's not helping you with your crappy homework, neither will he buy you anything from the store or cafeteria, even if he's walking by it. Get your own shit. Even better, bring him something too, since you're going anyway.

• ♀️ That's it unless you're a lady with a more or less firm grip. There's definitely more respect he pays to you, having grown up in the pride of Afterglow Savannah. Ladies first and foremost, he can't ignore it. Suddenly he's the one getting his own shit and bringing you whatever you want with a silver lining, probably not looking the most enthusiastic about it, but you're his woman and that's what you deserve.

•♀️The dream boyfriend when you're on your periods. He's getting you the right pads without a fault, knows just what snacks to bring you, heating packs are already there and an even hotter lion is embracing you and petting your hair.

• Still overall Leona is not your prince charming, and your relationships are full of compromises and until Leona finally understands that it takes two to tango, it's on you to support them. Which can be pretty hard, but the pay off is big unarguably.

• Your arguments start out calmly, up till the moment Leona gets sick of it and then the worst starts. It takes time for the situation to escalate to that point, Leona does have some patience and sense in him, but once you both are angry and don't hear each other prepare for this fight to leave no stone unturned.

♀️With a lady, Leona will be pretty tame, and rather than shouting he'll be growling lowly, which isn't less aggressive, but the chance of him scaring or snapping at you is pretty low. He'll be the first to storm off, not having the patience to stand it anymore and unable to let it out because of his innate respect for you.

♂️It's brutal, even if he's meters away from you. He hates to be bossed around or scolded like a guilty kitten and you remind him of all the arguments he had with his family at home, which makes his blood boil. The best course of action would be for you to leave him alone for the time being and patiently wait when he's up to talking again.

Sometimes you talk and the problem is solved and you don't return to and quarrel about it ever again, other times Leona just plainly drops the subject before it comes to bite him in the ass and you have a fight again. You have to be the smarter one with a hot-tempered and prideful boyfriend that you have, for arguments to not shake your relationships, and even straighten them.

• When he's not sleeping Leona can be quite cute and affectionate with you, corny when he's on a mission to make you blush. He doesn't care if anybody is round, you're the only one who he sees and right now he wants his wake-up kiss and nobody can stop him unless they want a couple of broken bones. You got into trouble because of his careless nature a lot of times, but when you look at his charming smirk and naughty eyes you can't resist him which allows him to peck you ten times more until you either drag him to a hidden from prying eyes place, or others shout at you to get a room.

• One kiss is never enough for Leona, especially since he doesn't acknowledge close-mouthed kisses and not the one to ever restrain himself. The make-out sessions are frequent and very heated, with his hands roaming everywhere, low groans sending pleasurable chills down your spine. What a relief he's usually in the places where no noises and people can disturb his sleep, or "bonding time" with his mate.

• The biggest spoon, he almost never gives up his place. If you catch him at his sleeping spot somewhere at the botanic garden or square and he's awake enough to spot or smell you, he'll trap you in his grasp and not let go until it's either time to eat or return to dorm. Crying that you have important matters and you can't just rest like that is futile. He's pretty warm too and even more cuddly than Jack, so prepare to suffer. But it's also very sweet how pissy he gets when you try to leave, clutching your form closer still, employing even his tail just not to part with your comfortable presence. The only time he's willing to be a little spoon is when he lays on your lap, happy to receive pats and scratches to his ears, at times like that he feels practically blessed to be with you.

• He may not show it openly, but he cares. He cares so much about you. He knows your likes and dislikes, maybe not precisely, but it's already outstanding for a guy who mostly gives no shit about people other than himself. He knows how to make you happy when you're sad or stressed, and how not to worsen your state. He'll talk with you about your problems to help you find a solution, and when you thank him for helping you, Leona will just brush it off and say that you were the one to come up with it. He's also just fine with lending you an ear, even if inside he wants to turn into sand whatever or whoever made upset. Yes, if it's alive, they will probably not be happy that they survived, because the following day will be a total nightmare for them. Nobody in their right mind would harm the lion's mate, and Leona makes sure everybody knows that.

• He's quick-witted and can come up with smartest, most efficient ideas in no time, but he's always too lazy or doesn't see a point. If you're needing his help, he may consider it, but you still receive a negative answer sometimes. Unless you have something you can offer, which for Leona you always do. The answer is straightforward - you.

• When you stay at their dorm, Ruggie always dumps his usual responsibilities on you. Leona has to wake up to his morning classes and how you manage to do it is on you. And bring his breakfast, or he'll forget and by the time he remembers nothing is left for him already. Also, braid his hair, and exclusively to you, try to not be taken to bed once again. It's quite rare you complete your quest. Other times Leona just takes advantage of it and skips the day entirely, lounging around and doing stuff with you.

• Ruggie and Jack admire you for how you can put up with Leona's lazy lion ass and how you get along and accept Leona-senpai even though his character is like that each respectively. Both agree that it's quite a feat you didn't bailout in the first weeks. They notice how much Leona mellowed down, in a good way, when he got together with you and are quite glad that the senior found such a person to love as yourself.

• Jealousy over the roof, but you won't ever catch the wind of it. He's good at pretending, and he can't let you know that he's about to chew this poor soul head off, together with their limbs and flesh. In his mind you literally belong to him, only he is allowed to flirt and tease you. He'll try and lead you away as nothing has happened, but his blood is boiling.

• Being Leona's lover means getting the privilege of being called "aunt/uncle" by small Cheka. He loves you so much, the lion cub looks forward to playing with you and his uncle when he visits NRC. It's the rare instances when Leona doesn't conceal his jealousy and demands your attention back openly. You think it's funny how he feels challenged by the kid, but choose to watch from the sidelines, how instead of being scared of fuming uncle Cheka just goes to give love to him instead. Leona thinks that you get along well with children, and just sometimes imagines how would you look caring for your own cub. If you ask him why he's spacing out like that, he'll just huff, but the small blush will remain on his cheeks for quite some time.

• "And what should I do with you?"

"Love me, feed me, and never leave me."

This big ass cat just needs your TLC to enter his cat heaven.

Nsfw

• The ultimate pillow prince. Love him and fondle him, kiss and bite him, he'll take everything and then ask for more. He'll agree to everything as long as you keep the good stuff coming. He even tries and acts like he's the one in charge, but you know that you're the one doing most of the work and his bravado is just for show.

• But when he needs to really show you who is alpha here he won't half-ass it. When he's especially angry or jealous Leona is not releasing you from his room all day long and goes to extreme, by his and probably your standards, lengths to prove that you don't need anybody else, and only he can satisfy your every need.

• He has had sex before and that's a fact, but was he ever so emotionally connected to somebody else? If his intense gaze and low roars tell you something, it's that he has never dedicated himself to somebody, neither in or out of bed.

• Unashamed nudist, Leona will fuck you just anywhere as long as you both want this. Charm to the max, when you say that you're worried somebody will walk in on you. "You're not thinking about anybody else when I'm right here, kitten".

• Blowjob is not just a way to motivate him, sometimes it's the only way you can make him do something. Prone to throat fuck you on occasions when he has the spare energy. More often than not just lets you take all matters into your hands and do whatever you want. If not for those quiet grunts you would think he fell asleep again. He did not, the man is living his best life.

• Animalistic growls, groans, and grunts are heard in Savanclaw hallways when you make love. While he may not be the most vocal lover, he doesn't hold himself back either. You make him feel good, and he lets you know about it.

• Leona Kingscholar is massive and he knows it. As if the big dick energy wasn't already radiating off of him, he actually has a lot to stress it. "Not the most human dick" squad, he has the penile spines, though not as painful as in actual mammals, they just add more excitement to already satisfying feeling. Best believe, he knows what to do with this package to make you see stars.

• As long as you're above him he's content, missionary, cowgirl, 69 you name it, he loves it. Do mind that his trust power is bruising, not taking into account his size, as a result, you won't be walking normally, if at all if was especially fired up, the following day.

•♀️While you're up there, might as well sit on his face and let him have a snack from his personal five-star restaurant. He loves every minute of it and can probably stay for days there, making you come over and over again because he's so damn good at it too. He knows just how to lick, where to apply pressure, what to do with his fingers, and that rough tongue is plainly amazing. Never heard of it before? Now you did and it has the most mind-blowing sensation against your labia and clitoris. So messy, Leona is; when you finish with him he'll have your slick and cum smeared all over his face, which he doesn't mind at all, licking off what he can, successfully making you turn even redder from the erotic sight beneath you.

• ♂️ The sloppiest suck you'll ever get, nobody can challenge Leona on that. It would be nice if he just repaid you a bit more often. You'll probably learn to treasure his blowjobs, because of how rare and memorable they are simultaneous. The king, oh this irony, of deepthroating, you wonder if this man even has a gag reflex. Apparently, he does not, or just holds himself together very well, because he'll remove himself only to breathe in some air before he goes to town on you once again.

• Does he have a nice imagination, this lion. It's not rare for him to just daydream about fucking you in any setting possible, pop a boner, never do something about it and just drift off again. The reason he always turns your cutesy cuddly times into marathon sex is because he's always horny, but rarely acts on it and just opts to let off the steam together with you.

• Prepare to be littered with bites and scratches, the sex with Leona can be very wild. No matter your position you'll receive lots of marks all over your body, and don't raise your hopes - you won't be able to conceal it, for he chose very specific areas that are always seen by others, Leona is a possessive man after all.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst imagines #twst x reader #savanaclaw #jack howl #ruggie bucchi #leona kingscholar #twst jack #twst ruggie #twst leona #lemonade #mel writes

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mbti-notes · 2 years

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(1) A 25-year-old INFJ here... and lately, with everything that happened with the pandemic, my anxious symptoms have only increased. I have been feeling so overwhelmed and tired of struggling with it. Before that I already had a hard time dealing with "the real world", but it seems to have returned with force. I can't even think about going back to my academic life, of dealing with people, of dealing with the routine and boring things of everyday life (...)

[con't: I know that this also requires seeking the help of some mental health professional, but I'd also like to know how you see some of these difficulties from the use of functions. As a Ni user, I feel without perspective, as if I'm adrift, watching the "real people" without being able to cross this veil that makes it impossible for me to be present in the outside world.]

Unresolved emotional problems lead people to misuse their functions. For example, unresolved anxiety primes Ni to envision mostly negative possibilities and enables circular Ti loop overthinking/rumination patterns. Unless you confront your underlying emotional issues directly, attempts at function development won't get very far. For what it’s worth, cognitive-behavioral therapy is effective at treating most forms of anxiety.

It is normal and reasonable to feel like the world is a dangerous place during a pandemic. I don't know where you live but most places are now accepting covid as a part of life because vaccines have been shown to protect well against serious illness and death in healthy individuals. In a perfect world, maybe we could've wiped out the virus. But that's not the world we live in. You have to adapt to the world you live in or else life will pass you by.

"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent; it is the one most adaptable to change." - Darwin

The best way to get out of yourself is simply to start doing and living. "Overthinking" things to the point of not wanting to do them is an unhealthy defense mechanism. You do it because it makes you feel safe by hiding away from the "real world" and how bad you feel whenever you meet a difficulty. However, it also makes you feel like utter crap because it keeps you stuck deep in a rut, never changing, never growing. Is that the outcome you really want? Would you rather be stuck in that rut in your head or would you rather be actually living a life? That's the choice you're always making. Which path will lead you toward something positive in the long run? Whatever choice you make, you bear the consequences, so choose your consequences wisely.

Generally speaking, the best way to address fear is to confront it. There is always going to be an adjustment period with any big change. You can choose to view it as “scary” or “exciting” - it's a matter of perspective. Gradually push yourself out into the world and give yourself the opportunity to adjust incrementally. Of course, you can continue with various safety precautions as you feel are necessary and effective for keeping yourself healthy.

#infj #anxiety #pandemic #change #adaptability #ask

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lostinthewiind · 3 years

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HAIKYUU BOYS WHEN YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY

Characters: Tsukishima, Sakusa, Ushijima

Rating: PG

Warnings: None

【TSUKISHIMA】

Because he is so quiet most of the time (except when he is being a little snark-master), he is very astute regarding the emotions of people around him, so he immediately knows when you’ve had a bad day

He can tell by the way you shuffle your feet or close your locker just a little bit more roughly than usual

Since Tsukki has more experience with putting people into bad moods rather than helping them get out of them, he is sort of at a loss for what to do, but he is slowly getting better

His go-to move is to offer to hang out with you after school since he knows you don’t like talking about your problems in front of people, so he’s hoping you will open up a little bit if it’s just the two of you

If that doesn’t work, he will plop his headphones over your ears, blast some of the music that he knows you like, and drape his volleyball jacket over your head and shoulders so you can be somewhere dark where you don’t have to feel like everyone has their eyes on you

It wasn’t really one single thing that had put you in a bad mood that day, but rather a series of small events that had piled up and eventually brought you to your breaking point. With feet that felt heavy like lead and your head hung low, you made your way to the designated meeting spot where Tsukki would meet you after his practice was over and plopped down to wait for him.

As soon as you felt the grass beneath you, the sun shining down on you, and the overwhelming sensation of finally being completely alone, you let out an exasperated sigh and began plucking at the blades of grass between your fingers, willing yourself to at least try to hold out on crying until you got home.

Before long, you had become so distracted by pulling out the blades of grass one at a time and tossing them into the breeze, you didn’t notice Tsukki had joined you until you felt a light, soft weight on your shoulders. You instantly knew that Tsukki had draped his volleyball jacket over you.

Looking up, you forced a small smile. “You’ll get cold.” You moved to shrug the jacket off and hand it back since Tsukki was in just a T-shirt. Before you could, however, he stopped you and sat down beside you.

“Bad day?” he asked even though he already knew the answer. You nodded slowly as he repositioned the jacket tighter around you. “Wanna talk about it?” You shook your head.

“It’s just one of those days,” you told him, trying more to convince yourself than him. “I’ll be okay. Just need to cool off a little.”

Instead of responding, Tsukki pulled his headphones out of his bag and placed them gently onto your head. Seconds later, a song that you had sent him just the other day started playing just loud enough that you could still hear Tsukki talking beside you.

“Let me know if I can do anything,” he said, wrapping a comforting arm around your shoulders.

You smiled again, this time not forced, and continued ripping out the grass around you. No matter how flustered he got when it came to taking care of others, your big, blonde middler blocker always tried his hardest, and that would always be good enough for you.

“Thanks, Tsukki,” you just barely whispered, and even though you couldn’t hear it over the music, Tsukki could hear it clear-as-day.

【SAKUSA】

Sakusa is the master of handling bad days

Unfortunately, he hasn’t quite caught on yet that the things that work for him don’t always work for everyone else

He is quick to jump into action when he learns that you’re having a bad day because he knows how much they suck, but sometimes he gets so wrapped up in trying to help you feel better that he completely misses the mark on what you need

Always says he will try to do better next time but always ends up forgetting again

You could never stay mad at him though because you know he means well

As soon as you had shown up on Sakusa’s doorstep with that characteristic combination of pout and grimace on your face that indicated you had had a bad day, he was quick to sweep you into the house and settle you onto the couch.

“Sakusa, I-” You chuckled lightly as he wrapped a large blanket around your shoulders and promptly took off toward the kitchen to make you a cup of tea, completely ignoring your attempt to talk to him.

Knowing this act all too well, you simply sat back and resigned yourself to your fate for the next hour or so of non-stop babying from your loving boyfriend. Besides, in the grand scheme of things, you could have had it a lot worse—you could have had a boyfriend that didn’t care about you or your emotions at all. While his actions were definitely extreme, at least they were the good type of extreme and not the bad type.

Having had closed your eyes in order to try to calm yourself down a bit, you jolted a little when the sound of a tea mug being placed on the table in front of you pulled you from your thoughts.

“Thank you.” You turned toward the boy with wide eyes and black curls hanging in his face beside you, patiently waiting for you to ask for whatever else you needed so he could jump up and get it for you. “You can relax now, I’m okay,” you told him.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything else you need?” He was so on-edge that you could practically see him vibrating before your very eyes.

Sighing softly, you placed a gentle hand on his shoulder to calm him down a little. “Actually, there is something else.” You leaned forward and wrapped your arms around him, tackling him into the couch before he could say another word. “I need you. Just hold me please.”

After getting over the initial shock of being pushed into the soft couch cushions, Sakusa reciprocated the hug and held you close. “Your tea will get cold,” he whispered into your ear.

You couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s okay. I’m sure you can make me another one if that happens.”

He smiled down at you, finally having realized he was being too-doting and forced himself to take it down a notch or five. “Anything you want.”

【USHIJIMA】

I’m sure this comes as no surprise, but this man is just GOD-AWFUL at picking up on other people’s emotions

It’s not his fault, and oh goodness the poor boy tries his hardest, but he is just so oblivious

You are well-aware that he requires you to physically tell him that you are in a bad mood, but sometimes all you want is to curl up into a ball and have him come to you on his own accord

This almost never happens, however, and you’re almost completely convinced that the few times it did was nothing more than a fluke

Even a broken clock is right twice a day

Once he KNOWS you’re in a bad mood, he is an excellent care-taker

Prefers to talk about problems rather than try to distract you from them, and even though sometimes you just want him to hug you and kiss you and tell you everything is okay, you prefer this method in the long-run

Ushijima is an amazing listener and gives great advice (helps you figure out how you want to solve a problem instead of telling you what to do, but does it so smoothly and effortlessly that you don’t even notice)

Shuffling your way over to where Ushijima was sitting on the couch, homework in front of him and attention completely focused on the work at hand, you felt bad about interrupting him but knew that if you didn’t tell him now, you never would and then the poor boy would wonder why you were sulking by yourself all night long.

Clearing your throat, you waited for him to look up at you before speaking. “Just letting you know that I had a bad day today and that I am now in a bad mood.”

Ushijima nodded, silently thanking you for telling him. “Was it something I did?” he asked.

You shook your head as you hugged your hoodie (well, Ushijima’s hoodie, but he hadn’t gotten a chance to wear it once since you had laid claim to it) tighter around your body. “No. Just a bad day.” You shrugged.

Closing the textbook he had been reading and placing it beside himself on the couch, he wordlessly reached out to you and pulled you into his lap. “What happened?”

You huffed and buried your head into the crook of his neck. “Don’t wanna talk about it.” You pressed a soft kiss to his neck, hoping it would distract him from forcing you to talk about what was going on. Of course, however, it didn’t. Once Ushijima had his mind set on something, it was impossible to get him off track.

“Hey.” He gently cupped your face with his large hand and forced you to look up at him. “You can’t solve a problem if you don’t confront it head-on.”

Squeezing your eyes shut, you groaned. “I know, but can’t you just hold me and tell me everything will be okay . . . just this once?”

Ushijima just rolled his eyes. “What happened?” he repeated.

Slumping your shoulders in defeat, you deflated. “I got a bad grade on a test that I studied really hard for.”

“Why?”

You shot him a dumbfounded look. “I have no idea! If I knew why I was so bad at studying, I probably wouldn’t be in this current predicament!”

Ushijima just ignored your outburst and cocked a thick eyebrow at you, still waiting for a response to his previous question.

Knowing that there was no way you were going to win this, you finally submitted and resigned yourself to his line of questioning. “I don’t know . . . maybe I was focusing on the wrong stuff? I think I have trouble picking out the important information from the less important stuff.”

“There you go. See? You’re smarter than you think you are.” He flashed a hint of a smile as encouragement. “And how could you solve this problem for the future?”

You thought for a moment. “Pay more attention to the stuff that the teacher repeats a lot and puts more emphasis on?” your voice wavered slightly, a little unsure of your answer.

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

“Telling you,” you replied with more confidence.

Ushijima nodded, an even bigger smile spreading across his face. “I think that’s a great plan!” He then squished you into his chest and pressed a big kiss onto the top of your head. “Now I can hold you and tell you that everything will be okay because it will. You’ve got a plan to make sure of that.”

Unable to deny that you did, in fact, feel a whole lot better about the situation now that you had a definitive plan to deal with it, you exhaled and let the tension fade away.

Thank goodness you had him to ground you when you needed it the most.

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kasienda · 3 years

Text

The Five Minute Adventures of Snake Noir: Ch 5 - Unwanted Revelations

Chapter 1: I Want It To Be You

Chapter 2: Best Friends

Chapter 3: Best Laid Plans

Chapter 4: A Thank You

Chapter 5: Unwanted Revelations

“You okay, dude?” Nino asked. They were sitting on his bed, watching an anime, but Adrien had no idea what was happening in the current episode.

Adrien’s head shot up from where his cheek had been pressed into his propped up knee.

“Yeah, of course,” Adrien said. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Nino frowned, and paused the show. “You’ve just been quiet tonight.

“I’m just tired,” Adrien said, which was mostly true. “The photo shoot this morning went seven ways to hell after it was disrupted by that akuma.”

“That akuma sucked!” Nino said.

Adrien nodded in agreement. It had taken Ladybug, Chat Noir, and five temp heroes (Carapace included) hours to deal with. “And once it was cleared up, father insisted the shoot continue even though we had already lost our lighting. Then afterwards he lectured me for an hour about not being professional enough because none of the shots came out to his satisfaction.”

Adrien trailed off, noticing that Nino had his lips pressed tightly closed.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Adrien said.

Which had been the wrong thing to say. Adrien knew it as soon as the words left his mouth.

“Not that big a deal?!” Nino repeated. “Dude, he runs you ragged, doesn’t let you have any fun, puts you in situations where it is literally impossible to succeed, and then he yells at you when you fail.”

“He doesn’t yell,” Adrien defended.

“I don’t know why you defend him!”

Adrien shrugged. “He’s my father.”

“Is he? Seems more like he’s your boss.”

Adrien sagged on the floor, and Nino wilted a second later.

“I’m sorry, dude. I don’t mean to make you feel worse. He just… makes me so angry!”

Adrien smiled then. “It feels good to have you on my side.”

“How would you feel about me borrowing the Snake?” Nino asked, casually.

Read on Ao3

Adrien started, sitting up straight. “What?!”

“I mean, I just want to punch him in the face. Just once, dude, I swear. But I’d prefer not to get thrown in jail with my future career destroyed because your old man is vengeful.”

Adrien burst out laughing. “I’d pay to see it actually.”

Nino smiled and bumped his shoulder into Adrien’s. Adrien’s laughter died down, but his smile remained.

But Nino looked solemn. Adrien frowned and leaned forward. “Are you okay?”

Nino smiled. “Yeah, I was just thinking. Have you ever thought about using the Snake to confront your father?”

“No,” Adrien admitted. “I am trying not to use it for selfish reasons.”

Nino rolled his eyes.

“What would I even say to him?” Adrien cleared his throat. “Hello Father! I bend over backwards to meet your expectations, but they’re impossible to reach. I want you to show me the same respect you expect me to show you.” Adrien shook his head. “What would be the point? He won’t remember, so nothing will change.”

Nino stared at a Jagged Stone poster across the room. “I just… wonder sometimes if he even knows how much he’s hurt you. Confronting him might tell you that.”

Adrien was silent for a long time.

“Dri?”

Adrien looked up at Nino’s concerned gaze, and then turned away again. “I just…” Adrien said. “What if the answer is he does know? And… doesn’t care?”

Nino wrapped him in a hug at that moment, and Adrien let his cheek fall onto Nino’s shoulder.

It had been easy to visit Nino and Marinette with the Snake Miraculous. Adrien knew that they cared about him. In fact, he had known they had cared about him on both sides of his mask. If anything, he had underestimated how much affection and love they held for him. So he hadn’t been afraid of anything that might come out in a conversation with them that they couldn’t remember. He knew he’d still hold them in the highest regard.

But with his father, if he learned something he didn’t like - that his father didn’t care about him, rather than was just abrasive and uncomfortable with feelings and affection - Adrien didn’t know if he would be able to keep up the song and dance routine required to keep his father happy. Adrien wanted to keep what little freedoms he had managed to squirrel away. He couldn’t stand it if they were taken away. He was terrified he wouldn’t survive it.

On some days, he knew he was too close to not almost wanting to survive it.

It was too easy to throw himself in front of an akuma’s blast, too easy to picture his own bubbling cataclysm floating towards his chest without concern.

But things had gotten better, were continuing to get better. Thanks to Nino mostly, and to Ladybug, too.

“Have you ever used the snake with anyone besides me?” Nino asked, interrupting Adrien’s thoughts.

Adrien didn’t want to mention Marinette. He knew Marinette wouldn’t have minded, and Nino would have listened without judgement. But it felt weird to tell Nino something about Marinette that she herself didn’t remember.

“Ladybug picked me to use the snake against Desperada,” he confided instead.

“You’re Viperion, too?!”

Adrien winced. “No, I was Aspik, but… it didn’t go well, and I eventually gave it up, and she selected someone else to be the snake. That person is Viperion.”

Nino looked at him suspiciously. “How long did you stay in the loop before you gave up?”

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck. “Umm… like three months?”

Nino bolted to his feet. “Months?! Dude! You need to stop torturing yourself!”

“I just… wanted to impress her as myself. She’s already said no to Chat Noir. I was hoping… that being Adrien was a…”

“Second chance?” Nino filled in sarcastically.

Adrien grinned. “Exactly! But… she needed a temp hero in the first place because the two of us weren’t enough. So… I had to give it back, and tell her to find someone else. I feared that Adrien was only a disappointment to her.”

“You tried for months! What more could she ask of you than that?” Nino pursed his lips. “Like how many loops is that?”

“25,912.”

Nino’s eyes widened, and he just stared at him until Adrien had to look away.

“Didn’t you lose count?”

Adrien shook his head. “The snake doesn’t let you forget the number. You know every time what loop you’re on.”

Nino was really solemn after that. “I think that power is the scariest of them all,” he said quietly.

“Scarier than the power of destruction?” Adrien teased, trying to lighten the mood again.

“Yes,” Nino said seriously, not taking the hint.

Adrien sighed. “What was the hardest akuma for you as Carapace?”

“As Carapace?! I was fighting Anansi as Nino while you were caught in some spider web! That was terrifying.”

“You were a natural with the baton,” Adrien said.

Nino ducked his head down - trying to hide a blush.

“I was really threatened by it at the time,” Adrien admitted.

Nino’s gaze snapped back up. “Threatened?! By me?”

“I… It felt like Ladybug was trying to replace me.”

Nino shook his head. “She was trying to save you, dude!”

“It kinda feels like she’s trying to replace me now, too.”

Nino frowned. “What do you mean?”

“She told someone else her identity. And yeah, she explained why she couldn’t tell me so it’s easier to accept now. But Nino, I’ve been sidelined so many times recently. Rena Rouge removed me from the battlefield when Style Queen attacked. I was so far away that by the time I got back…” he trailed off, his brain spiraling rapidly.

“Dude?”

“Rena Rouge told me not to interfere with SentiBubbler, too.”

“I’m sure she didn’t mean to push you aside like that. Alya loves you both as heroes. You should hear her fangirl about working with both of you.”

But Adrien wasn’t hearing Nino anymore. Rena Rouge knew a lot - more than any of the other temp heroes. She had made plans with Ladybug before Ladybug had even shown up.

Rena Rouge was the one that knew Ladybug’s identity.

But Rena Rouge was Alya.

Ladybug had said she told her best friend in her civilian life.

That meant…

Adrien couldn’t breathe.

“Adrien? What’s wrong?” Nino asked, urgently.

But Adrien couldn’t answer. All he felt was horror and dread writhing sickenly in his gut. This was knowledge he wasn’t supposed to know.

He was the one person that wasn’t supposed to know.

But it fit and he couldn’t unknow it. Marinette had… she had burst into tears upon learning his identity just like Ladybug. She had ranted and railed in anger that Ladybug hadn’t realized how hurt her partner had been by her actions. She hadn’t been angry with Ladybug - she had been angry with herself. And then, she had erased her own memory when he had hesitated because they weren’t supposed to know.

He was going to throw up.

“Dude! Talk to me!” Nino begged, tapping either one of Adrien’s cheeks.

Adrien turned toward his friend, but his eyes looked past him, remaining unfocused.

“Plagg! Sass! Help!” Nino called.

The kwamis flew into his line of sight, and conversed together briefly. Adrien heard none of it.

His body was trembling - shaking so hard it was amazing he hadn’t fallen off the edge of Nino’s bed. Though that might have had to do with the hand clamped painfully onto his shoulder bracing him from tipping over. Hot tears fell from his cheeks and his chest burned. He clawed for air that refused to come.

“Kid,” Plagg called. “Slow down. You’re okay. Nothing’s happened yet.”

“I-I’m n-n-not supposed t-t-to know,” Adrien managed to get out between the body quakes. He had always wanted to know. And Marinette, she was amazing! She always had been. He wanted to be ecstatic at the revelation. “I don’t w-w-w-want to destroy the world.”

Ladybug had said the moon was in pieces.

“And if you get akumatized right now over it, it will be a self fulfilling prophecy!” Plagg snapped. “Now breathe properly already!”

“Dude!” Nino chastised. “That’s not how you calm someone down during a panic attack.”

“I’d like to see you do better,” Plagg challenged.

But Nino was already ignoring the kwami. “Dri, breathe in with me.” And then he slowly and dramatically breathed in.

Adrien tried to follow suit. Really, he did. He took in a slow deep breath, but then his throat would lodge close again, and he’d start gasping again. His chest spasmed painfully.

“Can you reset the last five minutes?” Nino asked Sass.

The kwami shook his head. “It’s very dangerous for me to use my power without a holder to limit them. It's not worth the cost,” Sass informed. “He already knew everything needed to put it together. He just hadn’t thought about it. We can reset… maybe… without destroying the timeline completely, but he’ll just figure it out again probably within a few days. Plagg and I knew it was only a matter of time.”

“Some warning would have been nice!” Adrien shrieked, his anger cutting through the shaking, but only for a second.

“Look kid, we don’t know that this is the end of the world. And honestly, it probably isn’t!”

Adrien’s green eyes locked onto the floating kwami. “What do you mean?”

Plagg turned to Sass. “You explain it.”

“My power works differently than Fluff’sss, but from my understanding, the end of the world probably had very little to do with you knowing each other's identities. It was more like that it was an event that was easy to change to prevent a certain series of events. It wasn’t necessarily that you couldn’t know one another. Just that you couldn't know that day.”

“Why didn’t you say any of this before?” Adrien gasped out. He was still struggling to keep his breathing slow.

Sass shrugged. “Because we don’t know for certain what happened, and anything short of a guarantee wouldn’t have been enough for Ladybug.”

“Look!” Plagg interjected. “If things truly go to absolute hell and back, Fluff’s holder will most likely show up to fix things again, and since she’s not already here, we’re likely fine.”

The tension in Adrien’s chest broke, and the rest of his body slumped. Luckily, Nino was there to catch him. Adrien clung to his shoulder even as he tried to face the kwamis. As always, Nino was a rock. If he was phased at all, Nino wasn’t showing it.

Adrien was dripping with sweat, his blond hair was plastered to the sides of his face. He could breathe now, and breathe heavily he did, still leaning heavily on Nino.

“So, what do we do?” Adrien asked.

Plagg shrugged. “Use the snake to tell Ladybug you figured her out. Then come up with a plan together. She’s a crafty one. She’ll have ideas.”

Sass nodded. “Most likely, she will know more than she’s told you, Chat Noir. She may have a better idea of what needs to be avoided.”

Adrien nodded. “Okay, okay. We can do this.” He turned to Nino. “Help me stand?”

Nino held out his arms, and Adrien hauled himself to his feet with Nino’s support.

“I’m sorry to cut our illicit slumber party short,” Adrien said.

Nino shook his head. “No worries, dude. Fate of the world stuff obviously should come first. But… umm… are you going to be okay running over rooftops? No offense, but… you look like shit.”

“Plagg, claws out,” Adrien called. As the transformation washed over him, Adrien could stand up straight, breathe easier. He sighed in relief. “With the transformation, I’m okay.”

“Can you let me know when you get somewhere safe and outside a time loop, dude?”

Adrien smiled. “Yeah, sure.” Adrien pulled his baton from his back. “And Nino?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for being here. Thank you for not asking questions.”

Nino smiled. “Of course, dude. Anytime.”

…

Marinette wasn’t on her balcony, but her light was on. He couldn’t handle waiting so he sent Sass through the window. She was up on the roof less than a minute later.

“Chaton? What’s wrong?”

He transformed with the snake and activated second chance immediately, and then fell heavily onto the only chair on her balcony.

“You shouldn’t have let me keep the snake,” he began without preamble.

“What are you talking about?” she demanded, but her eyes were wide.

“We don’t have time for you to try to misdirect me. It’s too late, m’lady.”

She wilted. “How? Did you try to figure it out?”

He shook his head. “No. I just…” His fingers tried to tear through his hair, only to find the suit draped over his skull. “You told me to tell someone. So I did. I told my best friend. Only he turned out to be a temp hero. He slipped. He thought I knew who he was when Chat Noir showed up in his room. It’s not his fault.”

“Breathe, kitty.”

He took in a shuddering breath, but he was still shaky. The panic was starting to grip him again, and he was trying to keep it from exploding, but he knew he was slowly losing the battle.

She crouched down in front of him and held his hands.

And he barreled forward in the story. “Then because I knew his identity, I later realized who Rena Rouge was. And I know that you never told me that she was the one that you revealed your identity to, but… she just… knows too much. And I know who Alya’s best friend is. I swear I never meant to figure it out!”

And he couldn’t breathe. “I can’t… m’lady, please. I’m so scared.” He broke off as the sobs overtook him again.

She held him, stroked his head and neck with calming hands, and whispered nonsensical soothing sounds into his ears. He leaned into her comfort, into her warmth, fighting to collect himself. He needed to get enough out so she could tell him what to do. How to fix this. Because he didn’t want to be akumatized and he didn't want the world to end. Especially not by his hand.

“Tell me what to do,” he sobbed.

“Who’s your best friend?” she asked.

“Nino.”

He felt her sharp intake of breath.

“Please don’t start crying,” he begged. “You always cry when I tell you.”

“It’s too late, Adrien,” she whispered. And when he looked up her eyes were already filled with tears.

“Please tell me you have an idea,” he begged.

She took up his hands and squeezed them tight as she kneeled in front of him again. “You’re not going to like it.”

He snorted through his tears. “That’s a given.”

“You’re going to go back and you’re going to pretend you don’t know.”

He sucked in another breath and he closed his eyes against her words. “How do you expect me to do that?”

“You’re clearly a very good actor,” she said gently.

And he crumpled in on himself at her words. His head fell into their joined hands as his body shook in an emotional earthquake.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, continuing to stroke his head. “I wish it was different. I wish I wasn’t placing this burden solely on you. That I wasn’t asking you to put on mask after mask. You shouldn’t have to.”

“I just… why, do you need me to pretend? How does that help us?”

“Nothing can change between Ladybug and Chat Noir.”

He felt himself nod though he wasn’t sure if he could ever pull that off. He felt like his whole world had been thrown out of orbit.

“And nothing can change between Adrien and his very good friend, Marinette. You understand?”

And suddenly, he did.

“We can’t date,” he concluded.

She nodded. “We can’t date. Knowing who you are… it’s clear to me that it wasn’t the reveal that was the problem. It was that our reveal led to us dating.”

“Wh-What? What does that have to do with anything?” He asked.

“We can’t date. You have to pretend like you don’t know. Can you do that for me, kitty? Can you wait until Hawkmoth has been defeated?”

“I uh… wait?”

“I love you,” she confessed.

And he stared at her in shock. She loved him?

“And you love me. But our love… it destroys the world.”

Her words hit him like a never ending monsoon. He felt thrown about, twisted up, and torn into pieces all at once.

“What?” he hissed.

“That’s what Chat Blanc told me. I didn’t know you were Adrien. Adrien was the person who learned my identity that day, but it was Chat Noir who knew. And Chat Blanc… he said it was our love.”

He shook his head even as he cried. “No, no, Mari, I refuse to believe it.”

“I still have nightmares of the place. Of you alone, and half insane.” Her hands cradled either side of his face.

He kissed the palm of one of her hands.

“Mari, please,” he begged. “Don’t make me pretend with you.”

She kissed him. Hard. He felt dizzy.

She pulled away and smiled. “Figure I owe you a kiss that you will remember.”

Then the world blurred around him. God damn her! This was how she knew how the snake worked in the first place, knew how to activate it when she had him distracted. She was the fucking guardian.

He was standing again. He collapsed into the chair again and just continued to cry.

“Chaton? What the hell happened? Why are you always crying on the other side of one of your loops? How awful am I to you?”

His arms snaked around her midriff, and he pulled her against him. And just sobbed into her stomach.

“You’re not awful, Mari. You’re amazing.”

And he loved her.

Her fingers ran over his head and cat ears, causing them to flick back and forth.

He spent the whole loop crying, and the next one after that. But he recovered faster than he did with Nino that first night with the snake. It only took four loops before he got ahold of himself. Maybe he was getting better at coping with world-ending fear and grief. Or maybe it’s because his lady is just a little bit more soothing to him, as awesome as his best friend was.

Now, he just felt numb.

And exhausted.

“How many loops have you been through?” she asked softly.

“Five”

“What can I do?” she asked.

“M’lady, you’re already doing it.”

She stiffened at the endearment. He holds her to him harder. “I know have to pretend that nothing has changed. I have to wear a mask around you all the time. Every moment of every day as Chat Noir and every day as Adrien, and I know that I’ll get really good at it. It’s something I’ve done a million times before. But let me have an extra loop or two okay?”

He can feel her shaking as suddenly she’s crying too.

“I just… I’m scared,” he confessed. “I don’t know how long we’ll have to do this. I don’t know if I’ll remember how to take the walls down when it’s over. Will I even know who I am?” He squeezed her tighter. “And… I don’t know if you’ll wait for me without knowing,” he whispered.

She was caressing the sides of his face in gentle soothing strokes. Tears streamed from her eyes.

“You’re so amazing!” she told him. “So resilient, and so much stronger than me.”

He barked a broken laugh that held no humor. “You’re wrong. I’m so broken. I’ve been so tempted so many times to just break the loop and let you remember.”

“But you haven’t.”

“You’re usually the one that resets it once everything comes out.”

She kneels down at eye level with him. “You’re my strength, Chaton. My ability to reset the loop is to keep you safe. And no one else. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, m’lady.”

She moved forward to kiss him and he pulled back. She frowned.

“Please don’t,” he begged.

“Why not?”

“Because there’s already too many kisses that we can’t remember. I want us both to remember them.”

“Chaton, if you feel that way strongly, I can respect it. But if you’re afraid of forgetting what it feels like to be yourself, I want you to feel it, to remember it every single day. You should always know what it means to not have to wear masks. What it means to be loved.”

“Every single day?” he repeated.

She nodded firmly. “Every single day.”

“What about not abusing the miraculous?”

“Abuse it,” she said. “I don’t care. You’re more important.”

He was speechless.

So when she leaned in again, he let his eyes fall closed. Let her press her lips gently against his own. His whole body melted into the contact like butter. He kissed her like it was the first time and like it was the last time, because in a way… it was.

They stayed together - sharing their life’s breath, letting their mouths and tongues dance together in sync the way Ladybug and Chat Noir always were. They didn’t stop. Eventually, the world blurred, and he realized she had reset the time loop herself again.

But this time he was smiling when he found himself standing on her balcony once again peering into her concerned blue eyes.

This time he felt lighter and freer. She loved him. And he loved her.

And they would be together someday.

He had to believe that.

...

Chapter 6: Miraculous Abuse

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bamfdaddio · 3 years

Text

X-Men Unabridged: Proteus

The X-Men, those beautiful mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. We’ve been untangling that history for a while, but sometimes, you really want a more in-depth look. Interested? Then read the (un)Abridged X-Men!

(X-Men 125 - 128) - by Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Fun* fact: this particular issue is the oldest comic I physically own.

* for a given value of fun

Something sinister lurks on Muir Isle…

This arc is very much set up like a horror movie. It starts out as a regular X-Men narrative, where Claremont is weaving along several plot threads. We check in with the X-Men in Westchester, we check in with Magneto who has retreated to Asteroid M and we even check in with Xavier in space, who finally learns more about the true scope of the Phoenix and its nature. Finally, we’ve got Jean stationed at Muir Isle, where Moira is investigating the sheer scope of her powers. (She has realized how strong Jean truly is; akin to a god. Her theory is that Jean’s recent power dampening is the result of her human mind trying to cope with her massive power level.) It’s about as everyday as it gets for the X-Men, but, well…

I always thought Jean molecularly restructured her own outfit into the Phoenix-costume whenever she needed to change, but here, she just… wills it away? Also, why did you need an outfit change for this, anyway? Does the costume simply appear whenever she exerts too much of her powers, like an angry forehead vein? So many questions. (X-Men 126)

Other residents at Muir are Polaris, Havok and the Multiple Man, all of them blissfully unaware that something skulks about in the shadows: the remains of an unfortunate captain, whose body has been taken over by something… other.

But someone else is skulking around in the shadows, too. Jean isn’t aware of it, but a familiar stranger is manipulating her from the sidelines.

I’ve been gaslighting a cosmic force, ask me how! (X-Men 126)

1979 marks the first appearance of the Hellfire Club, though we only meet one member for now: Jason Wyngarde. (Maybe all of this could have been avoided if he’d had a Barbie doll to dress up in black lace as a child, but alas.) ‘Jason’ is a pseudonym and though most people these days know that he’s a familiar villain from the X-Men’s past, the reveal of his true identity will follow later.

Meanwhile, Beast finally gets off his ass to check on the Xavier mansion, even though the X-Men must have been tripping intruder alarms for months now. Still, we do get this sweet moment out of it:

Of course she’s going to be surprised at the sheer amount of plot contrivances that were thrown up to keep all y’all apart for a full year. (X-Men 126)

Beast knows that Jean went to Muir, so Scott immediately goes for the phone. Lorna picks up, but during the call she starts screaming, leaning heavily into the horror genre. She fends off the withering remains of the captain, so instead, ‘Mutant X’ jumps into a duplicate of Jamie Madrox and promptly flees to the mainland on a boat.

Guuurl, that body is snatched. (X-Men 126)

The X-Men (sans Beast) hit Muir Isle, where Moira debriefs them. Moira reveals who Mutant X is: his name is Kevin MacTaggart, her son, who has the terrifying power to warp reality. Because his power is so vast, he burns through bodies at an alarming rate. He can only be contained - or killed - by inorganic metal. In an effort to contain him (and, presumably, help him at some point), Moira locked him in a metal cell. He was kept there, alone, for god knows how long, until Magneto accidentally freed him. They know he escaped the island and, because of his parasitic need for fresh host bodies, Moira posits that he’ll be heading for a big city.

Kevin - who dubs himself Proteus - racks up an impressive body count in the country side, killing 7 people in total. (6 people and 1 dupe? Eh.) He’s a terrific villain, because he’s powerful, has a well-defined weakness and, even though it’s not impossible to emphasize with him -- isolation tends to drive people mad -- the way he discards his victims is truly chilling.

The X-Men chase after him, Wolverine picking up the scent. When Proteus tries to claim him, Logan’s adamantium skeleton repels him. In response, he unspools reality.

I’ve had this trip. I think they call this strain Dragon’s Dynamite. (X-Men 126)

Storm intervenes, but Proteus leaves Nightcrawler and especially Wolverine rattled. Logan’s heightened senses root him in reality more than most, and when Proteus uses his powers, everything is just screaming wrong at him. But nobody is safe: little Kevin MacTaggart turns gravity against Ororo, taking her out as well.

He tries to claim Storm, but Moira repels him, sniping at him from afar. Proteus fears (metal) bullets, knowing they can kill him. When Cyclops realizes Moira’s shooting to kill, he intervenes - X-Men don’t kill, after all. Moira knocks him out with her gun, but Kevin escapes in the confusion. Moira finally realizes where her son is headed, while the X-Men regroup.

In Edinburgh, Moira pays Joe MacTaggart a visit - her husband, Kevin’s father.

The MacTaggarts are definitely in the running for the Xavier/Marko-award for Fucked Up Family Dynamics. (X-Men 127)

There’s a calculating coldness to Moira’s character that I’ve never responded well to, but I like how Claremont fills in the blanks here. It’s part unhappiness, part a deep frustration with her inability to help her own son. I wonder how Kevin was a child, before his mutant gene activated: was he a sweet boy, or one with a cruel streak? Did she fear what he might become?

There’s a few gaps in Claremont’s narrative, but Hickman has drawn on this very well, I think: the Moira X in HoXPoX is equally calculating, equally cold. But how can she not be? How often has she raised Kevin? How often has she had to kill him? How many times has she watched these people, these X-Men, die?

Anyway, Moira’s warning is as effective as anger management therapy for Sabretooth, because Kevin comes by Joe’s office a little while later and snuffs out his dad. Phoenix hears Joe screaming telepathically across the moors, allowing the X-Men to pinpoint him. Claremont also makes sure to show that Jean’s power is steadily growing:

Polaris be like: “No, no, I’m carrying my own emotionally stunted Summers boy, thank you.” (X-Men 127)

Proteus takes Moira hostage as the X-Men confront him. They fight.

Ordinarily, I don’t pay a lot of attention to the fight scenes, because recapping those usually boils down to “Cyclops conks Magneto in the helmet” or “Wolverine snikts Pyro in the gas tank”, but this one is truly great. John Byrne delivers some excellent work, showcasing the scope of Proteus’ powers through his art, his panelling. Don’t just take my word for it:

I love how trippy all of this is. Pivoting gravity, changing an optic beam into flowers… Sure, Proteus might be a callous and cruel SoB, but he’s also one imaginative motherfucker. (X-Men 127)

One by one, Proteus manages to distract or take out the X-Men, either by endangering passers-by, encasing them in amber (Storm) or burying them alive (Banshee). One of my favorite details is how afraid they all are: especially Wolverine and Nightcrawler hesitate before jumping into the fray. For them, this villain is truly beyond their scope.

In the end, it’s Phoenix who manages to drive him back, outside of the center of Edinburg and up an old castle, where there are fewer civilians to threaten. There, on the ramparts, it’s Colossus who makes the final stand: he destroys Proteus’ physical body and realizes that right now, there’s only one thing they can do to stop him. All it will cost is Piotr’s innocence.

Showcasing an ancient Japanese truth: Psychic Pokémon are weak to Steel attacks. (X-Men 128)

Proteus scatters to the winds and the X-Men emerge victorious, though Moira has lost both her son and her husband after this ordeal. Moreover, I think this is the first villain that the X-Men explicitly kill, simply because they have no other options left. This marks the first time that their ideal of mutant rehabilitation fails. What’s worse is that Kevin MacTaggart was essentially nothing more than a supremely screwed up boy who got access to way too much power way too quickly.

I wonder if it would have turned out differently had Xavier been there. (I also wonder if it’s a coincidence that this takes place right before the Dark Phoenix saga.)

I think this might be Claremont’s best arc yet, heightened by John Byrne’s excellent art. Chris deftly mixes horror, action and his usual soap opera elements, serving one cohesive narrative that (for once) doesn’t leave much hanging. Proteus is an excellent villain whose powers work visually (pay attention, MCU) and whose entire being touches on one of the same aspects as Krakoa: can and should every mutant fit into any sort of normal society?

If you have someone who’s interested in vintage X-Men and you want to recommend something that doesn’t require a confusing explanation of all the necessary backstory (and perhaps a crude sketch of the Summers and/or Lensherr family tree), I would recommend this arc.

And the rest, as they say, is Hellfire. 1980 is gonna be a doozy.

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kuuderekweenfics · 3 years

Text

Only Temporary

I really wanted to make Keigo nasty. Like, a real debaucherous fiend who could hardly give a hoot about you (pun intended). Instead he came out of my head ever the gentlemen and oh, so soft.

Like a roll of double-ply toilet paper. (Kidding!)

But I’m not mad about it.

Also, reader, in this fic, you’re a bit cold at the beginning. So if you can’t imagine yourself being stand-offish, this mayyyy not be for you. For those of you who read my first piece, I added a lil Easter egg in there.

Hawks x Female Reader

Explicit Warning: Next stop, Orgasmville (18+)

1...

2...

1...

2...

1...

2...

1...

2...

1...

“baby, oh fuck...I’m gonna cum...”

An eye roll begins to form and you close your eyes to avoid confrontation. Not that he’s paying attention to anything other than his current orgasm anyway. Eyes clutched and nostrils flared. He looks constipated, you think. You choke down the impending laughter but can’t help the jerk your body makes, so you blanket it with a gaudy, dramatic moan to disguise your exposed apathy.

He’s busy peeling off the condom as you turn over and reach for your phone, dragging a finger under your eye to wipe away any mascara that may flaked during the two minutes of intercourse.

“Did I blow your mind?” He beckons for encouragement like a puppy beckons for attention.

You decide to throw him a bone. A lazy smile flickers in place. “Extraordinary.”

Puppy wags his tail.

You leave his apartment 20 minutes later, after a quick rinse off and against his wishes, feigning a prior engagement that requires the upmost promptness. As you walk along the bustling city sidewalk, neon lights and advertisements flashing cinematic beauty queens, you remind yourself that this, that he, is only temporary.

You met him at an overpriced cafe. You didn’t even remember his damn name. He was flustered, you could immediately tell by his stumbling speech. But you hadn’t been laid in over a year and needed to feel something other than your fingers or the purple silicone vibrator you kept tucked away in your nightstand drawer. Even if he was staler than the cup of coffee you purposely left behind.

But all you ended up doing was counting the seconds between thrusts until it was finally over.

“At least the cobwebs have been swept,” you settle. You thought someone who had a hardening quirk would have more gusto. Apparently the hardness of his boner does very little for the duration of intercourse. Good to know.

The chilled air nipped at you skin, leaving your cheeks and nose red with its kiss. In its wake was a residual sweetness, weak but more exigent the farther you walked. You made use of your quirk, a keen sense of smell, to locate where the comforting aroma came from. You face the bright patisserie, welcoming and quaint and almost entirely unoccupied.

As you walk inside, you’re greeted by a young woman, her swollen belly covered by an apron. She’s attempting to grab a tart from the middle shelf of the display case, squatted with her hand pressed into her lower back as if it were the only thing keeping her from toppling over.

“Do you need help?” You watch with pity.

She blinks at you and sighs, contemplating whether it was a good idea, or if it was even allowed, to ask for a customer’s assistance. Deciding it wouldn’t hurt, she nods and lets out a breathy laugh. “Please. This baby makes it impossible for me to do much nowadays.”

She hands you a glove and the box that had three cakes sitting neatly atop parchment. “How far along are you?”

It’s a weak attempt of small talk. And you don’t really care to know. But it would be awkward carry on in silence. So you manage to sound curious all the same.

“33 weeks.”

You hand her the box, tart acquired, and mumble out a congratulations. She thanks you kindly, although her smile doesn’t entirely reach her eyes. She gives you a slice of strawberry shortcake, perched on the top shelf, as reward for your task, as well as a coin.

“It’s for the gacha,” she points at the machine near the entrance. “I check each capsule to make sure there are no duds.”

You can’t possibly know what she means by that. You hold up the coin to her in thanks and grab your capsule before setting off.

It’s an All Might charm. Throwing it in your pocket, you work on your slice of cake, grabbing it with your hand and taking a bite like it was a slice of pizza. You never understood the logic behind idolizing heroes. While they did save the world from certain demise, and you were very thankful you were not a slave to a demon lord, heroes are simply doing their job. Were you to idolize the teen who whips up your order at McDonaz for feeding you as well? Mouthful of strawberry and cream, you chuckle at the mental image.

Your vision blurs as you’re abruptly yanked out of your reverie.

“What in the actual fuck?” You question angrily.

You turn to see a man, blue face partially covered for anonymity, holding the purse that is still slung to your shoulder. You stare through mirthless eyes as he growls in frustration, obviously intending to make an easier escape. Cake in hand, you slap him hard enough to leave a stinging pain in your palm. He struggles to get the cream from out of his eyes as he dashes away.

You hear a laugh behind you. “I had all intentions of rescuing you, although it doesn’t look like you need much help.”

His arms are crossed and his yellow visor does little to hide his obvious amusement.

“There are bigger evils to be thwarted. I can manage a failed pickpocket,” you respond, shifting your purse strap to sling across your body. “Shouldn’t you be, like, going after that guy?”

He blinks. “I already have.”

Your hair is pushed forward as the crimson feather zips past you and nestles neatly back into his plush wings. The weight of his stare is immobilizing. You’ve been gawked at by men countless times. But his slitted pupils gleams with lascivious intent.

You should look away.

You should tell Hawks goodnight.

You just let some rando fuck you only an hour ago.

Could you count that as a fuck?

That’s beside the point.

Only, you’re not sure what happened in the last ten minutes because now he’s pressed against you in your apartment hall, his lips latched onto yours as his stubble scrapes your chin. You want to put your hands on him anywhere and everywhere, feel the wiry muscles of his arm or test just how soft his wings are. But before you can so much as place a finger on him he seizes your wrists and holds them against the wall above your head, only to immediately trade them for your ass, hauling you up off the floor so that you can straddle him as your kiss deepens like the sea, your tongue sliding across his in waves.

You give him directions to the bedroom through the sloppy, firm kisses, shrugging off your top and hearing it hit the floor behind you. You jerk your hips forward to feel his hard-on, your jeans adding a touch of friction that makes you moan softly into his mouth.

He plops you on the bed, immediately tugging on the button of your pants.

But wait...

Perplexed, you ask, “When did you undress?”

Hawks grins at you and, instead of a response, answers by flapping his wings. The cold air it pushes towards you elicits a shiver. He rips off your jeans and panties in one go, staring at your pussy as if it were his last, god-damned meal. He winds his arms around your thighs and pulls you forward, his hot breath making your cunt twitch. He licks you with fervor, pressing his tongue against your soft, wet flesh. The moan he releases covers you in goosebumps. As he narrows in on your clit, circling it with his tongue before sucking down, your breasts jerks up. The pleasure is palpable as he eats away at your needy pussy vehemently. He releases one leg and inserts a finger into you to test the waters, followed by a second to fill you a bit more, curling his fingers upward in search of the spot that is sure to drive you wild. And it doesn’t take long, because in record timing you’re feeling hot, so very fucking hot, and the pressure that has been building in your head begs for release.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck...me,” you drag out, snapping the rubber band that was holding your sanity in place.

You come hard and loud. He chuckles as he lets you drift back down from your high, lapping away at your juices and then wiping what remains on his chin with his thumb. As he sits up he rubs his dick, hard and thick and begging for entry as precum drips from the tip. He strokes his cock against your lips, thick veins greeting your clit to reinvigorate your arousal.

“Please,” you breathe out. It’s so unlike you to beg. You’re stubborn and proud, but in this instant, you would give anything for him to fuck you into oblivion, destroying your soppy cunt like he might destroy a menace.

He grabs your waist and pulls you up, kissing you roughly before falling back, leaving you straddled on top of him. He runs his hands down your body, rubbing you clit haphazardly.

“Show me how much you want it,” he smirks.

You rub his arousal against your lips a few times to continue coating him with your overflowing juices. Then you lean forward, one hand behind you takes hold of his cock and guides him in.

He’s big. Like “bite down on your bottom lip and squeeze your eyes shut while you tremble” big. You’re wetness did little for this intrusion, his cock scraping your walls as it inches in deep. But imagining his dick impaling you in quick succession leaves you breathless and wanting. You begin to move. Bobbing up and down, slowly at first, to get used to his girth. Adding the occasional swirl of your hips to get your pussy to cooperate and suck him up entirely. His eyes are on your cute face, red and focused, before he slides them down to watch where your bodies are conjoined. After a few minutes of pumping, your legs are beginning to tire, and try your best to keep the pace but hope for some intervention or a small reprieve. He must notice this, because he places his hands on your hips and pulls down, sheathing himself completely in one hard thrust. You cry out in ecstasy, throwing your head back as his fat cock punches into your cervix.

You hear him grunt under you. “Shit. F-fuck. You’re clamping around me.”

He thrusts, grinding into your throbbing cunt mercilessly. You cant think, you can breathe, all you can focus is the swift piston that seem to send an electric shock into the pit of your chest. You rub your the bundle of nerves at the apex of your heat with abandon, sending another bolt through your body. He catches your eyes roll to the back of your head. Shit, shit, shit, right there, right there, right...

A scream that had been building up in your stomach explodes from your mouth as your entire body quakes above him, hands gripping onto the anchor that is his hard, muscular abdomen.

He gently places his arm on your lower back, maneuvering the both of you without pulling out. You’re not sure if it’s the residual effect of your last orgasm, but you feel almost weightless.

You wouldn’t find out until later that he had used his wings to reposition.

He lays you on the mattress, kissing your neck and trailing down until his mouth meets your breast. He begins moving again, sucking on your nipple and softly biting just enough to make you moan. His thrusts are calculated: deep and triggering, each one leaving you a drooling mess.

He places his forearms on either side of your head, pressing a kiss to your ear.

“I need to fuck you hard,” he whispers.

All you can do is frantically nod before he starts speeding up, skin slapping skin. Your nails dig into his shoulder blades, quick grunts echoing the creak of the springs in the bed beneath you. His dick pushes your organs up, up, up, as your body takes him in obediently, craving the taste. You mewl out quietly, biting your bottom lip and furrowing your brows.

“You’re so pretty, so fucking pretty.”

You cant respond, you just focus on each relentless thrust driving you closer to the breaking point. He sits up, raising your hips to find a better angle. He rams into you, quick and powerful. His cock reduces your mind to mush each time he bottoms out. He is close, you know. Not because his fingers are now digging into the skin of your hips, or the sweat that gleams on his brow. But because you feel his dick twitch repeatedly in your gewy cunt.

He plows into you erratically, filling you up so, very thoroughly. He grits his teeth with one final plunge, shooting his hot, sticky load into you. The feeling of his cum stuffing you to the brim feels almost comforting. You try, desperately, to hold in the sob threatening to escape you. You refuse to get emotional.

Oh lord. Get a grip. You just met the man. You need to keep your cool. Because, just like the one before, regardless of your small, nagging desire, you know the cold truth of the matter.

He’s only temporary.

Even if he has given you the best sex of your life.

Even as his shaky fingers detach from your hips as he releases a whistle.

Even as he asks, “you doing okay?” with an open tenderness that surprises you.

Even as he brings his hand to your face and wipes away the tear that manages to free itself despite your earnest resolve.

Even as you give him the most genuine smile you can offer.

“Extraordinary.”

#hawks x y/n #hawksbnha #hawks x reader #fan fiction #Smut #bnha smut #anime fic #why is it spicy #takami keigo x reader #keigo takami

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thegeneralguy · 3 years

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The Champion of Olympus - Prologue

This is the first series I´ve ever worked on. I remember I saw a post about the gift of the gods from @absqrst in the past, so I worked a bit around that general idea. It´s gonna be long, but I hope the patience makes it worth your while. I want to clarify all the characters in the stories are adults.

The flaming chariot sped over the clouds as thunder roared through the night sky. The vessel of the sun had its usual flames dimmed, but there was no doubt who was commanding it.

“He must be really mad to be throwing such a tantrum.”

Said Apollo to himself as he drove through the dark clouds. He was in the middle of a particularly erotic composing session with Terpsichore, muse of music, when the message from his father blasted through the roof of the mansion and engraved the urgent message on the floor. His presence was being requested for an extraordinary session of the twelve. Apollo couldn´t even remember the last time he saw his family together, but it usually meant bad news for everyone.

The last time his father and Poseidon argued, a massive tidal wave ravaged the land of the rising sun down on earth. The celestial plane wasn´t always indifferent towards mortal matters, and Apollo made sure to keep inspiring those beautiful human minds in order to create both beauty and a form of expression that eased up tension in difficult times. The fact that his family was meeting again could only mean disaster, both for mortals and for gods.

The sky grew increasingly stormy the more the chariot approached the thunder palace. Zeus´s residence was directly on top of Mytikas peak in Mount Olympus. The home of the gods was on an entirely different plane than earth, but vaster and richer. It existed both parallel to the terrestrial plane, but above it in hierarchy, and was ruled by the will of the deities that inhabited it. Each Olympian had its dominion, but Zeus ruled above all.

The chariot slowed down as the imposing marble columns of the palace became visible. It stopped on one of the gardens, and Apollo rushed to the nearest entrance heading to the meeting. The door to the throne room was guarded by celestial Sentinels, the latest invention from his brother Hephaestus. The automatons had the shape of the pinnacle of the masculine physique and were made of gold with a tiny bit of ichor, the blood of the gods. They served mainly as guardians, although he had made use of a couple of them for more personal matters, like an extra boost for the sexual soirees he usually hosted.

Apollo could hear the heated discussion from outside the room. The Sentinels opened the doors and suddenly twelve pairs of eyes were instantly focused on him.

“Apollo. So glad you decided to grace us with your presence. Take a seat.”

Said Zeus with a sour scowl. He was indeed the last one to arrive. Even Hades was there, so it must be serious. He took his seat next to his brother Dionysius, who gave him a knowing look.

“How many were there this time?”

Asked Dionysius with a cheeky smile. Apollo remained with his sight to the center of the room, trying his best to ignore the provocations of his brother.

“Come on I´m dying for a little excitement. Things have been rather grim around here, and I´m dying for a little spark of *hic* entertainment.”

Apollo gave his brother an irritated look. The God of wine was looking as disheveled as ever. His muscular body was partially covered by a glowing white cloak, with some grape vines hanging from his belt and decorating one side of his head. He was holding his everlasting wine cup with one hand, while his face rested on the other.

“I was with Terpsichore. We were looking for some inspiration.”

“Right, right. Maybe next time I can join you both. I could use some inspiration too you know. Remember the parties we used to throw with the muses and the nymphs? I´m pretty sure you got more inspiration than you bargained for back then…”

A lightning bolt stroke right before Dionysus, who sighed and diverted his attention to Zeus.

“I apologize father. Please do continue to illustrate us with your crucial monologue.”

He said disinterested as he took a big swig from his golden wine cup.

“This is no joke Dionysus. It is the first time since the Titanomachy that we´ve faced a situation like this.”

Apollo had heard legends about the epic war against the titans, an event that changed the course of the world. His aunts and uncles fought alongside Zeus for ten years in order to dethrone Cronus and other titans loyal to the Golden Age regime. He tried his best to focus on the near future, but he couldn´t get past the next few days. He felt like a thick fog over him interrupting his vision of the future. It was unusual for the god the sun to have his gift of prophecy clouded, specially in an event of such magnitude like his father was describing. His curiosity started to turn into genuine worry, and he focused his attention on Zeus once again.

“The Fates contacted me recently with news from the underworld. It seems that the king of the monsters found a way to break through the veil separating his prison in Tartarus from the rest of the infernal plane.”

“That’s impossible. The abyss in Tartarus is inescapable. Not even Typhon is capable of gathering enough power.”

Said Poseidon skeptically whilst stroking his magnificent beard.

“It is a different kind of problem brother. Typhon is trying to seep some of his energy into the terrestrial plane. We´ve grown disconnected from humanity in the last century, and Typhon is trying to take advantage so he can gain some adepts of his own in order to amass divine energy to break free. I already consulted with Hades, and it seems a breach in Tartarus´s security is not impossible.”

“But what would that mean for us father? We still have enough divine power to launch a counterattack if he does manage to escape, we will be ready for battle.”

Said the mighty Ares. The god of war was known for taking aggressive decisions that lead to confrontation. His mighty physique was a testament for his strength and his prowess in combat.

“Not if he gains some divinity himself. The monster already possesses enough strength on his own to blow up half of Olympus. If he acquires some power from human devotion, not even I will be able to stop him.”

It wasn´t fitting of Zeus to admit inadequacy of any kind, and Apollo knew it. He grew only increasingly uncomfortable imagining the possible outcomes of a monster invasion. In any scenario, Earth would face the biggest catastrophe.

“What do you suggest we do now father? Humanity isn´t what it used to be. The facilitated communication of humans has bred doubt and paranoia. It won´t be hard for Typhon to appeal to humanity´s loss of self in order to succeed.”

Said Athena who out of her siblings seemed the most invested in the problem at hand. Hades who had been cautiously quiet listening to the conversation raised from his seat to answer the wisdom goddesses’ question.

“It seems we got time on our side, my honorable niece. Infusing earth with energy direct from Tartarus will take time. And the first thing Typhon will try to gain are champions. Without some avatars directly on earth he is still powerless”

“Don´t be ridiculous Hades. There hasn´t been a champion on earth since ancient times. Let alone a hellish spawn from the original monster himself.”

Exclaimed Poseidon with a booming laugh whilst slamming his gigantic trident on the floor.

“Hades is right brother. A champion serving as a recruiter is the only way of gaining direct adoration. The negative energy coming from Typhon will take care of the rest. It´s only fair we do the same.”

Zeus´ stern face showed a glimpse of amusement, his muscular body almost twitching with excitement.

“It is time we choose a new Champion of Olympus.”

Everyone went completely quiet for a second. The incredulous eyes of the twelve Olympians were staring at the god of thunder. Then the room was immediately filled with chatter and discussion. Apollo looked around as his brothers and sisters talked aggressively between themselves. The idea of gifting divinity to a mortal hasn´t been touched in eons, so it was only natural for the godly unrest to take place. The ritual was long, complex and it required the cooperation of all the Olympians.

“But why father? What makes you think a new champion will do anything to stop the monster from breaking out? Last time we tried to make one divinity rejected him.”

Said Ares slamming his powerful fist on the armrest. The main reason the gods didn´t get celestial conduits on the terrestrial plane was because few humans were eligible for the gift. And even after getting one who was compatible with divinity, all Olympians had to agree on the candidate, and there was always someone who chose differently. If the will of one god was against the chosen one, the ritual backfired and the person would be consumed by the divine power.

“A champion will help us connect with humans again. Times have changed, and we won´t be able to amass enough power to retaliate against Typhon if we don´t gain adoration again. Besides, we are going to do things differently this time. Each of you will have the possibility of choosing one eligible candidate. Afterwards we will put the chosen ones through three heroic tests. The one that manages to complete the tasks will get our blessing, and so divinity will be achieved. If we all agree on these terms, we won´t kill the candidate during the sacred ritual. And we will be sure the best choice was taken.”

“It seems you already had this planned out brother.”

Said Poseidon in a slightly suspicious tone. It wasn´t unusual for his brother to come up with grandiose plans that required thorough cleaning afterwards. The god of the sea laid back his heavily muscled back on the chair and wondered about what Zeus was really planning.

“This is madness father. And even if the plan worked, we are not sure divinity won´t corrupt the champion. It has happened before. And I´m sure some of us won´t have Olympus´ best interest in mind when choosing a candidate.”

Said Athena whilst eying the god of wine, who was in-between drinking and undressing the Sentinels with his eyes.

“Of course, it would be you who started judgement sister. Perhaps if you sought interaction with other one than your precious little owl, you wouldn´t be practically embodying neurosis instead of wisdom.”

Said Aphrodite clearly in odds with her sister´s self-perceived moral high ground.

The room exploded in a cacophony of displeased voices. Apollo sighed as he looked at his family once again imploding on its own. He knew that deep inside everyone was excited with the idea of gifting a mortal with divine powers, it was a fascinating process. It allowed the gods to mold a person according to their needs, and of course desires. The trip down to the terrestrial plane could be a hassle, but nothing none of the twelve Olympians could handle. He was particularly keen on seeing what his normally silent brother Hephaestus and his hermit twin sister Artemis would come up with.

Suddenly Zeus slammed his hand on the giant round table on the center and thunder flashed all across the room and resonated with a deafening sound that completely drowned the gods´ anxious voices.

“The decision is made. According to Hades we got exactly until the next lunar cycle for Typhon´s energy to start leaking out of Tartarus. Until then the champion has to be chosen and ready with his task so we can avoid the most corruption possible. Each Olympian must have their candidate ready by the next full moon and present him before the celestial gateway on the base of Mount Olympus. That is an order.”

Zeus´s eyes flashed excitedly with the glow of golden lightning.

“Meeting adjourned.”

The king of the gods then disappeared with blinding thunder. Each god made their way out of the palace to get ready for the task at hand. Apollo got on his chariot and smiled. Apparently, a new form of inspiration was presenting itself to him, and he was going to enjoy every second of it. It was fitting for his father to turn a crisis situation into a competition, but this time Apollo was excited to participate. The chariot of the sun then departed hastily into the night sky as the thunder clouds dissipated and a dark moon adorned the firmament.

#olympic gods #transformation #musclegrowth

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faulty-writes · 4 years

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Headcanons for Fat Gum, Kirishima and Tamaki with a female SO that doesn't eat much, usually just one meal a day and it's not a big meal. It's not that their SO has a disorder or is trying to lose weight, though she does think that they might find her more attractive at a smaller size, but it really is just because it slips her mind that she hasn't eaten or that she doesn't feel hungry.

Taishiro Toyomitsu

A big fella like Taishiro aka Fat Gum enjoyed eating. Heck, it was a functioning part of his quirk. The first time you happened to run into the fat absorption hero was in Hosu City, apparently, some low life thug had tried to steal your purse. Fat Gum came to your rescue, though it was some spectacle to witness him absorb a whole human being into his well, fat. After this, he politely invited you to one of his favorite restaurants. You accepted, believing it was the least you could do. But, you’d never forget the strange look on Fat Gum’s face when you told him you simply weren’t hungry despite the table of food in front of you.

The first time Taishiro asked you out on a date, he took you to a buffet, something you should have expected. “Come on! Open up, promise it won’t bite you! Haha, though I might!” he cheerfully spoke as he held a piece of sushi to your lips. However, you were hesitant to eat it, “Something wrong?” he questioned and it almost killed you to see that concerned expression on his face. You shook your head, playing everything off as if you were fine and surrendered to eating the sushi. Despite the fact, you weren’t even hungry.

Even in his skinny form, which was a shock to see, Taishiro tended to eat...well whatever he could get his hands on. As your relationship grew, Taishiro made it a point to frequently visit your home, of course, he’d always make sure he had permission to drop by. You began to expect his arrival and usually greeted him with homemade food. Which, he always offered to share with you even though you made it for him. This is when he began to notice you didn’t eat much and taking into consideration you didn’t have much food in your home, to begin with, he began growing concerned with your eating habits. Were you eating enough, if at all?

Taishiro was as sweet as they came and if one saw past his looks, they’d be able to tell he was a loving and considerate boyfriend. On occasion when you came home from work, you’d see a bouquet of flowers that were often laid on top of a box of chocolate or some form of take-out food, which you appreciated. But, you knew it was Taishiro’s way of trying to get you to eat more and it was a little annoying that you had to somewhat lie to him about how much you enjoyed the food.

Eventually, a conversation had to take place. Though Taishiro’s concern about your eating was sweet. You had to make him understand that your eating habits were normal, you had little to no self-image issues, and that if you ate too much it would result in a stomach ache. This seemed to disappoint Taishiro, but he seemed to understand. Despite the fact, he continued to give you small hints to eat. You appreciated it, though part of you wished he’d leave you and your eating habits be.

Eijiro Kirishima

He first noticed your eating habits during a Class A and B get together, something that occasionally took place between dormitories and was more or less a way to maintain a civil relationship between the hero students. “Hm?!” he caught your attention as you sat on the couch next to him. “Is that all you’re going to eat?!” he exclaimed, and while you appreciated his concern. You claimed you didn’t eat much and pretended not to notice when Eijiro added extra food to your plate.

The first date Eijiro took you on was to the hero festival, complete with fun games of chance and rides. Plus plenty of junk food, which he continued to gobble down, of course, he offered you some. A bite of cotton candy or even half of his ice cream cone. “Come on, babe! It’s super good, yummy yum!” he urged with his pointy-toothed smile. But, you continued to decline his offers. Which finally caused some concern, “Babe...why don’t you want any? You hardly eat as is, come on. One bite?” you finally gave the excuse you weren’t hungry.

You thought his concern would be over with, but one day during lunch. Eijiro made yet another comment, “How come you eat so little, babe? You know I’ll love you no matter how big or small you are, right? Otherwise, well I wouldn’t have any right to call myself your man!” he said, and you only responded with a shrug. Though you were worried about your weight on occasion, it was nice to know that Eijiro would still be with you regardless.

Though Eijiro tried to make sense of your eating habits, he ended up going to Fat Gum about it. Asking for advice and such, this is what led to him giving you pounds of your favorite snacks and you noticed his odd change in behavior when he continuously suggested take out food for date nights. You wanted to confront him about it. But, you decided it wasn’t worth the fight and though you didn’t eat much of the takeout or snacks, you appreciated his efforts.

He still tried to get you to eat more, going to such silly lengths as to place your favorite snack between his lips and urge you to eat it. “Mm mmon!” he’d encourage, and though you found it strange. Honestly, quite weird. You leaned forward and took the snack, slowly chewing it. Eijiro noticed your concerned glace directed at him, but he assumed you had to know how worried he was about your eating by now. Was it a bad thing he was trying to help?

Maybe a nice homecooked meal would be more to your liking? Eijiro wasn’t a cook by any means and though he tried his hardest to make something for you. It ended up going to waste because he wound up burning it. “I...I was only trying to make something for you! I thought...you’d eat a homecooked meal or something babe...” the explanation melted your heart though you were beginning to get tired of his constant concern, so you grabbed him by the shoulders and reassured him for the final time that your eating habits were nothing to worry about.

Tamaki Amajiki

Tamaki remembers the first time he met you, in fact, he saw you in the crowd after he had stopped a villain and Fat Gum urged him to talk to you. Somehow, that ended up with Suneater, inviting you to a restaurant as some type of celebration. Though you declined his offer, which disappointed him. Disappointed was an understatement, the way he clenched his chest almost like he was having a heart attack made you worry and slightly scared you. “I g-guess t-that’s um, f-fair...I mean you d-don’t know me b-but...G-God...e-expectations...” he groaned and you almost felt like apologizing, though you weren’t hungry and it would have been rude to be invited to a restaurant only to not eat.

However, as things progressed with Tamaki. Fat Gum inviting you and his future sidekick to restaurants became somewhat of a daily occurrence. But, each and every time you happened to order. It was always something small, a cup of soup with bread. A small appetizer, nothing overly heavy. Which at times was a challenge since Fat Gum tended to order everything on the menu. Of course, Fat also grew to be concerned over your eating habits which effected Tamaki as well since his mentor would always make comments about it. “B-Bunny, you don’t...want to e-eat more? Is y-your stomach u-upset or s-something, um, I c-can rub it f-for you if t-that’s the case.” he offered and though you couldn’t help but chuckle at his antics, you claimed you were fine and finished your small meal.

Unlike Fat Gum, Tamaki was a little hesitant to continue to bring up the issue. But, he also began to notice a pattern that seemed to concern him all the more. On occasion, he would hear someone else ask if you ate and your response was almost always that you had forgotten. That sounded like an impossible thing to do, then again your quirk wasn’t one that required you to eat like his. But, he debated about setting a reminder of some kind so he could make sure you truly ate. It seemed silly, but it honestly worried him someone he treasured wasn’t eating or taking care of themselves.

Tamaki though he wasn’t known to be extreme, began to bring you food. Something you didn’t expect and whenever you were at school, he always seemed to want to pay for whatever food you were getting and he’d always buy extra. It was a little humiliating having your boyfriend try to feed you spoonful after spoonful of curry. Eventually, you asked him to stop and while you expected him to be hurt, you never expected to see his lip quiver and his eyes water over. “B-Bunny! Please e-eat more! I-It worries me you d-don’t e-eat enough and um, w-well I...” he never got to finish his sentence as tears began to stream down his face. You felt some guilt as Tamaki buried his face in the crook of your neck, were your eating habits that bad they were borderline concerning?

The more you thought about it, the more sense it made. Of course, others would think it was a concern that a person your age didn’t eat enough. You didn’t know why it was such a big deal, some people only ate once a day and that was more than enough for them. But, you decided to ease some of Tamaki’s worries and made somewhat of an effort to eat more. Which seemed to work for the most part, and it made you happy to know Tamaki was at ease. Still, sometimes you wished one’s eating habits weren’t such a concern.

#tamaki x reader #kirishima x reader #fat gum x reader #BNHA Headcanons #Anonymous

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thehaemanthus · 3 years

Text

Our Savaged Souls

Trying out a new thing of posting the full chapter on tumblr. You can read from chapter one one AO3 (unless it’s not your thing, and in that case you can send me an ask and I’ll be like! sure! I love to be accomodating! I’ll post full chapters on tumblr :) )

Feyre Archeron is born under the new Wall separating human lands from the Spring Court- her home. She hunts in her forest, forms a friendship with the High Lord's third son, and is introduced to his friend. Then it all goes wrong.

Chapter 6

Tamlin soon forgets his ire about the Suriel. Or at least, he pushes it down far enough and eventually bounces back, dragging her out on more adventures. He manages to swing by for a few hours of her birthday party, and then is required at home for much of the spring. By the time the summer rolls around, Feyre can tell he’s eager to be away from family and make up for lost time.

The latest outing is a jaunt to a pool of liquid starlight, one that Feyre has visited only a handful of times. It’s one of Tamlin’s favorite places, she knows, and she felt the honor in the first invitation.

Her linen dress brushes just past her knees, only half of her hair pulled back in anticipation of a relaxing afternoon spent lounging in the shade and wading in the water. No boots or tight braid needed today. Her contribution to the picnic is a batch of scones, some ruby-red cherries, raspberry preserves, and roasted almonds. With her bounty and dress, Feyre decides to winnow rather than pick through the forest.

Feyre expects it to be a small party, but she does not know how small it actually is until she arrives.

There are two people there. Tamlin and Rhysand.

Of course. Rhysand. Of course he is here.

“You managed to make it on time!” Tamlin greets her with an enthusiastic kiss on the cheek and takes her basket from her hands, retreating to add it to their pile of food and blankets. The space already looks inviting, dappled in shade. Sweating bottles of lemonade and ice water peak out from a wicker basket full of white porcelain plates with painted primrose borders and crystal glasses. A partially wrapped loaf of bread and hard cheese rests on top, along with a sharp knife and a bounty of fresh fruits.

Feyre scowls. “I was late one time, Tam, it’s not funny anymore.” She glances at Rhysand. It would be impossible to pretend he’s not there. It’s just the three of them. It would be rude to not say anything. It should not be difficult at all to just greet him. She wrangles her expression into something pleasant. “Hello, Rhysand.”

“Feyre darling,” he smirks. “I thought you were calling me Rhys now?”

She actually turns a bit red and fumbles. Thankfully, Tamlin’s big mouth saves her. “When did that happen?”

“A while ago.” Rhysand reclines on one of the picnic blankets, lounging like a cat. He waves a hand. “Won’t you join us, Feyre?”

There’s really no way to refuse. She takes a seat, folding her legs under her. “It’s hard to break a habit. I’ve been calling you Rhysand for a long time now.”

“I’ll have to keep reminding you, then,” he says as he roots through a picnic basket, plucking out a tin of cookies. “Want one?”

“Thank you, Rhys,” she stresses his name, plucking one of the cookies from his hand.

He smiles at her, and the tension seems to melt away.

Has she always looked at him like this, or did the Suriel trigger something in her soul that flipped the world upside down? Feyre wonders how long this feeling, this awareness of him has been growing in her heart, encroaching so slowly and naturally that she has not noticed until someone drew her attention to the blossoming.

For a child of the Night Court, Rhys looks good in the sun. She has always known he is beautiful, but something has changed. As they chat and nibble on the picnic, Feyre observes him. There is something fuller in his laughs, more playful in his smirks today. It would be impossible to forget that he is an Heir— powerful radiates from his body and he approaches every conversation and confrontation with arrogance. He is still guarded. But if his true soul is an impenetrable fortress, Feyre thinks they’ve passed through the gates of one or two battlements.

The sun beats down on them, stronger now that the world has moved and positioned itself in summer. The Day Court is absolutely sweltering, Rhys informs them, and there’s been some problems with heat sickness in Summer. In Spring, Feyre keeps an extra canteen of water and takes frequent breaks when romping about.

Sweat gathers at her brow and pools on her upper lip. Eventually, sipping cool drinks and relaxing in the shade is paltry comfort.

“I’m going for a dip,” she stands. “Anyone want to join?”

The males scramble up after her. It’s some work to unlace her stays, so they end up shucking their clothes and splashing into the pond before her. Feyre finds herself sighing in relief when they don’t look twice or offer to help. It would be well meaning from them, her friends, if not a little playful and flirty. But if Rhys offered…

Mother above. Surely it should take her longer to fall?

“Are you coming?” Tamlin calls from the water, flicking some water in her direction. It glitters like diamonds where it lands on the grass and dirt. It might not actually be water, but Feyre has never known what else to call it.

She scowls. “It takes a little longer for me.” She toes off her slippers, wiggling her feet in the cool grass. In the past, Feyre hasn’t had trouble with stripping down to almost nothing and jumping into lakes and rivers. Now, she keeps her chemise on and tries not to think too hard about it. After tossing her hair pins on the blanket, she wades in.

The pond is cool and refreshing. Sunlight almost blinds her as it bounces off the surface. Feyre glides through the water, slowly acclimating herself. When she dunks her head under and emerges, the liquid starlight clings to her lashes and makes the world look brighter and chaotic. She swipes a hand at her eyes and blinks to clear her vision.

Tamlin floats on his back, golden hair floating around his head like a halo. Rhys lazily swims a circuit around the pond, much like she was. Feyre treads in place for a moment before floating a bit closer to Rhys.

Sensing her presence, he surfaces. Feyre’s breath catches. She’s sure he reads something incriminating on her face, but before he can speak she opens her mouth. “This pond suits you.”

“Oh?” he questions. His feet must reach the bottom, because while Feyre is working to stay afloat at the edge, he is merely holding out his arms to keep himself steady.

“The starlight.” Her eyes roam over his face and dip down to his neck before shooting back up. If she looks too far down she won’t be able to return her gaze to his face. “Son of the Night Court. It all works.” She waves a hand in his face, and he laughs. The starlight clinging to his hair and shoulders and dripping from his chin bring out the constellations in his eyes.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, darling,” Rhys nods at her.

She wishes she had a mirror, if only to try and memorize her own look for a painting later. “Do I?” she asks, leaning back a bit in the water and pretending like his words do not send her heart racing.

Her eyes are on the sky, but when Rhys is silent for too long she propels herself upright. He’s frowning a bit, looking more unsure of himself than she’s ever known him to be. “Rhys?”

“I can show you,” he says, expression much too serious for an afternoon swim.

Feyre laughs softly. “You have a mirror? Where are you hiding that?”

Rhys’s smirk lacks some of its swagger. He brings up a hand and, from nowhere, conjures a hand mirror. “I do have some tricks up my sleeve. But that wasn’t what I was talking about.” As quick as it appeared, it's gone.

Feyre cocks her head. Rhys wants to show her what she looks like, but without a mirror or any reflective surface...and it’s not like he’s an artist…

She gapes a little, swimming closer. Tamlin is still floating on his back, hearing muffled from the water, but she lowers her voice anyway. “You’re daemati?”

It’s the only thing that makes sense. And she would expect no less from Rhys. In addition to being obscenely powerful, to have this as well...he won’t just be a powerful High Lord, he’ll be unquestionably dominant.

His brows lift a little in surprise before his expression settles. “Clever girl. I shouldn’t be surprised that you guessed.”

Feyre bites her lip, torn between being pleased and being concerned. She does not think that Rhys has ever used his power against her. But how would she know? She has heard plenty of stories, has been given plenty of reasons to be wary of the Night Court. Feyre is not so arrogant as to think that she is a worthy target, but just the thought of her thoughts being combed through or someone getting information from her mind is disconcerting.

Rhys— whether by looking at her mind or her face— knows where her thoughts lead her. He moves a little closer as well. “I have never looked in your mind, or Tamlin’s for that matter. I’m not that kind of male.”

“I know.” The words are said without thinking, but they ring true.

He does not look convinced. “If I wanted to use you, I would have hovered in your mind as you hunted the Suriel and asked them a question myself. I would have probed your mind to see what you asked.”

She nods. Part of her knows it to be true, but another part, an animal, instinctual part, shies away from him.

But the Suriel told her to trust Rhysand.

It’s not effortless, but she stays. “You keep it a secret?”

“We keep it quiet,” Rhys admits. “We” probably means his family, his Court.

What does it mean that there is a secret daemati ready to inherit one of the mightier Courts of Prythian?

If she was a good person, she thinks, she would tell someone. But being a good citizen and a good friend are directly opposed at the moment. It does not take Feyre very long to decide which title is more important to her.

“I won’t tell anyone.” She values her friendship with Rhys, trusts him more than she maybe should. Even considering what the Suriel said, she would be a fool to throw herself into his arms blindly.

“Thank you.” Under the water, he reaches out to squeeze her hand. “I know you still aren’t comfortable with this.”

It’s difficult to meet his eyes, so she looks down. Right at the curves of his shoulder, where brown skin and black ink peek from beneath the surface. Her mouth goes dry, but she manages to force words out. “It is...strange. To realize how vulnerable I’ve been.”

There are dangers in Feyre’s life, but she has always known them. She has rules, has trained and armed herself against threats. Don’t stay out too late after night falls in the forest, don’t stray too close to creatures who have young ones to protect. Keep your eyes averted when speaking with the High Lord and try to not attract too much attention, bite your tongue in front of certain people and laugh and gossip in secret circles only.

There is no such defense against Rhys. At least, she assumes so until he speaks. “I can train you to shield your mind.”

Feyre blinks, shocked. “You can?” It’s possible? And he would offer that to her?

A deluge of cool water drenches her. Feyre cries out in shock, whirling to scowl at a laughing Tamlin.

“You two are much too serious,” he says, slapping the surface of the water again to send another splash their way. “What were you talking about anyway?”

“We had a run-in with a daemati in the Night Court a while back,” Rhys says smoothly. In an instant, his cool confidence is back. He swims away from Feyre, closer to Tamlin. She is sure there is a good reason he turns his back and tells herself it does not sting. “I was telling Feyre that I wouldn’t mind offering some lessons on how to shield her mind.”

“Why would you need to shield your mind?” Tamlin asks her.

She scowls. “Why wouldn’t I? Don’t you want to keep your thoughts private?”

“Sure,” Tamlin shrugs. “But it’s not like any daemati would target you.” He is lackadaisical and inattentive, paddling around the pond like a slippery otter. The mere word “daemati” was enough to alter Feyre’s mood, but Tamlin is barely affected.

“She’s been spending time with two sons of High Lords,” Rhys points out, flicking some water into Tamlin’s face. “I’d say that makes her plenty vulnerable. You should learn to shield, too.”

Tamlin nods, finally starting to take it seriously. “You were taught?” He propels himself upright, staring intently at Rhys. It is not hard to see how Tamlin esteems their older friend. Anyone who spends five minutes with the two of them can see how Tamlin might look at Rhys for approval, how he weighs Rhys’s words and commits them to memory. Sometimes, Feyre worries about how reliant Tamlin is, how he has replaced his own older brothers with the Heir to the Night Court. But she hardly has room to talk.

“Almost as soon as I could grasp the concept,” Rhys says. “I’ll give both of you lessons. It’ll be hard to test without an actual daemati, but it’s worth trying.”

You’ll have a bit of an advantage over Tamlin. Feyre gasps as Rhys’s voice echoes in her head. Her limbs freeze. She sinks a little in the water before propelling herself back up, sputtering.

Tamlin glides closer. “Feyre?”

“I’m fine,” she assures him, pointedly not looking at Rhys. “I thought something brushed my leg. What lives in this water anyway?”

“Nothing natural,” Tamlin scowls at the opaque surface as if his ire can be translated to whatever dwells below. “Come on, let’s leave before we find out.”

Feyre wades out of the pond, chemise sticking to her skin and hair dripping down her back. She squeezes her hair to dry it as best she can, then moves to gather a fistful of her chemise and wring out the water.

It’s silent for a moment. When Feyre looks up, she sees two males looking at her instead of getting out of the pond.

Emboldened by their attention, Feyre raises an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Tamlin coughs, looking away and stepping out of the water. He passes her without a comment, even as Rhys continues to look. Her challenge is answered as his eyes rove over her body, from long bare legs to the wet material clinging to her hips and chest. She half expects something flirty to spill from his mouth, but he just keeps the smirk on, looks his fill, and emerges from the water.

It takes a lot of effort not to pay him back in kind, though Feyre does sneak a look at those tattoos and well-muscled chest.

The light breeze chills their damp skin, and the once sweltering heat becomes a comforting embrace. The trio sprawl out. Between bouts of dozing off, they have a contest to see which pair is best at tossing grapes into someone’s mouth. When Feyre’s hair is mostly dry and her fingers get caught in tangles, Rhys slips behind her and braids it back.

She is half awake as his fingers comb through her hair, catching every other word of his explanation that his little sister has now grown old enough to demand all sorts of hairstyles and pampering from her devoted older brother. Feyre hums with a smile, picturing the scene.

There’s a knock on the edge of her mind. One she is better prepared for this time. Rhys slips a memory into her mind, one that is not hers, but his. Through his eyes he sees a head of black hair, a young girl’s bedroom, a reflection of him and a little girl, the former wrestling with a hair brush and the latter rifling through a basket of ribbons. There is a love infused in that memory, a feeling so pure that it nearly brings a tear to Feyre’s eye.

I almost neglected my promise earlier. Rhys’s voice is low and smoky in her mind. A moment later, a different memory. Her grinning face, covered in droplets of starlight.

There is emotion in this memory too, though not the all-consuming devotion Rhys feels for his sister. But it is something, and it makes Feyre smile anyway.

It is the perfect day. Feyre is not naive enough to think that this dynamic, with her two dear friends, can last forever. Rhysand will one day become High Lord, and Tamlin’s own role will likely change when his father passes. But fae are immortal, and she is untouched by death, and the thought of painful change is so far away in that perfect summer afternoon.

She cannot be blamed for thinking peace will last for a good, long while.

Being the Lady of the Spring Court is good for little else besides ordering the servants around the house.

Alis can grumble and protest and toss every veiled hint that she can think of, but in the end she cannot prevent Feyre from leaving her bed. Sleep came and went in the night. When the discomfort impeded her peace, Feyre tossed back healing tonics and pain remedies and whatever cocktail of drugs that the healer left on her nightstand.

Her smaller cuts are healed, but her ribs are still tender. The worst bruises are black and blue and impossible to look at. Feyre chooses a boring corner of the room to stare at as Alis dresses her in light fabrics and a dress that laces loosely. Alis picks a gown in an opaque green with a yellow underskirt, as if that will lend color to her pale skin or brighten her gaunt face.

Feyre tells the staff that she and the High Lord will not be entertaining any guests and to send away anyone that might drop by. Not that anyone comes for Feyre unless she specifically invites them.

The only other person in her home besides the servants is Lucien. He clearly did not expect her to leave bed and nearly leaps from his seat when she slips into the dining room. “You should be resting.”

She probably should. There is an exhaustion that has settled in her, infused in her bones and powdered on her skin. Her tongue is weighed down. Feyre has no words for her friend, only enough energy to squeeze his shoulder as she walks past to take her seat. She sees the way his eyes scan her, the way his jaw clenches when he notes how she sits gingerly.

Tamlin’s chair at the head of the table is empty. The space feels like a chasm.

When Tamlin is home, the table usually is weighed down with food. Today, Lucien just has one plate sent up from the kitchen. Feyre gets the same toast, fried eggs, and sausage. No platters of sliced fruit or tureens of gravy or plates of sugary pastries. Lucien pours her a cup of tea wordlessly.

Feyre eats in peace, but Lucien has a stack of papers by him that he leafs through in between bites. With Tamlin gone, his work will be all the more difficult. Lucien cannot make certain decisions, cannot sign off on projects, cannot approve a budget. But there are some things that must get done and emergencies to deal with.

“Anything I can help with?” Feyre speaks her first words of the day.

Lucien’s eyes flick up briefly. “I’ll let you know.” He’s gone a few minutes later, only a squeeze of her shoulder as a goodbye.

There are things Feyre can do, even some things that Tamlin might expect her to accomplish. Ferye thinks of the piles of letters she can respond to and the parties she might plan. The next holiday is never more than a few months away, and Tamlin likes to take any opportunity to celebrate and fill their home with his friends.

She does not do any of that.

The servants push back on some of Feyre’s whims, but they can never outright refuse her. A few months ago, it was a battle to get them to relinquish their gardening tools. Another battle to ask one of the gardeners to teach her, show her, and not do anything beyond that.

But a few months ago she was also a bit more fragile, and so they followed her directions with less protesting than she usually was in for.

Now, Feyre knows where to find the tools she needs. She slips on the gardening gloves that Alis procured and forced on her. While it might be seemly for the Lady of Spring to prune a few roses, cuts and calluses were utterly unacceptable. Feyre can stroll in the gardens, can even kneel in the grass, as long as she has a wide-brimmed hat to shield the delicate skin on her face.

How she longs to rip off the hat, unpin her hair, and sprint through the fields once more.

No one disturbs her as Feyre weaves through the perfectly manicured gardens. She passes tall hedges, venturing deeper until she crosses into a little hidden nook. It is cordoned off by nothing more than a charming wooden gate, but symbolism is strong. No one has ever entered without the express permission of the Lady of Spring.

Feyre let the little space go unattended for years, not caring much for gardening or pretty flowers. Now, the hidden nook is ringed with blooming jasmine. She might add a stone bench in the middle, but for now she is happy to sit on the grass.

A proper gardener might prune and use sophisticated techniques to care for the jasmine, but Feyre likes to see it grow wild. She removes weeds and brushes away dead leaves. In Spring the bushes are almost always flowering, clogging the space with their intoxicating scent. She would have kept blooms in her room, if not for what they symbolized.

Jasmine is a Night Court flower.

Tamlin does not come to her jasmine garden. He either does not know or was informed and has not confronted her directly. Now that she is in the garden, Feyre wonders if this is, in part, what set him off.

The flowers are not for Rhys. Not really. True, they remind her of him, in a way. But she mostly likes the scent, likes that when she smells it she immediately feels at peace. Jasmine is not the most beautiful flower in the world, but it is still pretty. A flower alone cannot make her happy, but it settles something in her soul anyway.

White jasmine is crisp and clean. Pure.

For a while, Feyre had no closure after the loss of her child. These things happened, so the healer ensured she was physically healthy and then sent away. There was no goodbye, no body, no ceremony to send the child off. They were there one moment and gone the next, not having made any mark on the world besides a scar on Feyre’s heart. She does not know if they were male or female, if they had Tamlin’s blond hair or her own darker shade, if they would have had freckles or their father’s straight nose. After they were gone, the child seemed to exist for Feyre and no one else.

So she planted the jasmine.

Now, as she lays on her back in the grass, she can imagine it. A giggling toddler, running circles around her. But not here, not in Spring. The flowers perfume the air and make it all too easy to pretend she’s in another place.

Maybe the jasmine is selfish. Maybe Feyre did have another motive in creating this secret space.

While she is here, she can mourn her child. While she is here, she can pretend that she is someplace else.

#acotar #acotar fanfiction

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thessaliah · 3 years

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The reunion with someone you love, thanking someone who was unrewarded, saving of the pitiful who cry for help: universal themes in events and their connection to Roman and Olga

Benienma's charming New Year event ended and there were lots of good moments. Specially for Fionn fans who finally got their favorite to take the spotlight. Fionn is in Ireland, the equivalent of King Arthur, just like Cu Chulainn is the equivalent of Herakles, so the way FGO has handled him was horrible so far but he came around in this event and got impressive feats on his own. But I won't talk about Fionn, others have done before this. When this event dropped years ago, I and a lot of japanese players felt certain uncanny emotional parallel with Beni's old man and Mash's situation with Roman. A man who never knew happiness for themselves and always thought about the happiness of others, cloaking themselves in big lies, misunderstood alive but grieved in death. Who still died smiling because others were saved and happy, yet still they want to thank them and set things right, even if it's an impossible wish.

Mash is the one who speaks up, while she doesn’t overtly voice her parallel, we know it exists.

If I am to only fulfill my role between larger gears, There isn’t much to worry over, If “only” is good enough.

I’d like to try living, in the time I was granted. I don’t fight to suffer, Just like you said. Please, let the gentle rain fall upon me, upon our will. When I depart, I’d like for you to quietly see me off.

When I was done crying, I could no longer hear your voice. That’s how you urge me on, I see, telling me that there’s no road back.

I was born into this world to live. There is no other definite reason. I don’t need a mission or a meaning. I will live! I don’t want to Let my memories with you end in sorrow. Just like you said, The conclusion can be repainted, always.

Cut for length.

This is the song for her mental and emotional state after what she lost at the end of part 1 (Roman). It’s called Blank Space, it shows that, like Benienma, she’s continued her duty for the chance to see Roman again. This post isn’t about Roman, but also about Olga, since the prologue of Part 2 there are two heavy losses that weight Mash’s heart (also the player but Mash’s more vocal about it): first is her guilt of being unable to save Olgamarie (which was discussed and was the reason they went to save Goredolf) and the other is her sorrow with the separation with Roman whom she didn’t even properly thank for everything he did for her (was hinted how she is comforted by his room in Missions before being tore apart from it in the prologue where she had a breakdown and refused to leave). Events in FGO sometimes don’t exist in isolation, they connect to major plot arcs: Ooku continues CCC and is about the major plot of the Beasts, for example, Oniland and Christmas 2020 with Karna supply dragon lore which surely will be important in Britain Lostbelt or when Arthur confronts the Beast of Revelations. Plenty of events to build the Greek Pantheon and characters. As such, there are these small emotional catharses of events that are sometimes connected to the main characters (Mash and Guda) own desires and wishes. The desire of Guda meeting the one(s) he loved and lost again is ever-present, even in interludes:

(Abigail interlude)

The person singled out for this is always Roman. Aphrodite's song illusion in Guda's heart led toward Roman and is a mere possibility he was around (even without a blank without body, even without understanding what he's saying) what broke in Guda's defenses. It was always when they gave in about the doctor when the loop was allowed to continue. It was also the source of strength to break out of this. Because Guda can't face Roman unless they are proud of their answer and path, in death or life, they can't thematically meet again (exceptional events aside) until Guda is satisfied with their actions. Events sometimes feature this Roman-loss theme, or rather about being reunited with someone you separate from and lost what is the conclusion of one's journey: Sitonai reunites with that Berserker in Oniland, Beni with the old man, and there's that movie singularity that was all about a man who was misunderstood and made a villain by people who after his death realised their mistake and understood he loved his foster daughter's future and would protect it with his life. Mash was personally touched by that script (so was Roman, who was included by Nasu changing the original novel that was going to be published, to help the cast reshoot the movie for Mash's sake) and wanted to ensure to preserve it, the end of the movie is the daughter living well while the father is watching over, apparently alive, but with a different appearance who one day might meet his daughter again.

The other point of emotional struggle is to help or save those who pitifully want to be saved. While the reunion is nearly always involving a man (sometimes a father figure or someone who was a guardian), the saving part is almost always about a girl, usually, a girl who is doing evil actions and needs to be put down for the sake of others but Guda and Mash (if she’s around) refuse. Imaginary Scramble features two of them: "Gogh" (Clytie) and Yang Guifei. The Olga factor goes tacit in all but the male exception, Goredolf was a man, but the Olga connection was brought up explicitly in his case. This plot-line might have started with Ereshkigal Christmas event and Salem (on that note, Abigail's search and longing for her dead friend also connect and echos with Guda's losses). This started after part 1, because during Observer, those who were twisted or darkened or made villains were disposed of instead of saved (Ushiwakamaru in Babylonia for example, or all the Servants affected by madness in Orleans). Because it was not important during part 1, but it is for part 2.

(in a nonsubtle way).

IMO, the Greek Lostbelt was also a climax to voice what Mash’s (and Guda’s) wants. Mash finally breaks out and says she wants to meet Roman again and thank him for everything after the Person of Chaldea appears. They aren't speculating about his identity or his warnings, rather they are emotional about how he can't be the Doctor because his eyes are different and wish to meet him again in an emotional My Room scene. Olympus was for Olga, after U Olgamarie appears and they are left confused by her actions, that is Olga but she's their enemy, a Beast, but still they want to help her. Because that's always been one of their biggest regrets. Greek Lostbelt kicks the course of their personal emotional catharsis arc: Olga is there, but she's an enemy; an ally who resembles Roman appears but he's not their doctor. Man of Chaldea and U-Olga have the same function: to be different kinds of emotional hurdles Mash and Guda face, aside from their role in the plot (obviously they are more important than just angsty plot devices). So it begins their personal goal: meet Roman again, save Olga. Atlantis and Olympus also have a little of both. Olympus with that dream which had an emphasis Guda's feelings toward Roman, among all their losses, while Atlantis with the subplot of Corday and the nanomachines (which the priestess witnessed).

To wrap up, this is merely tangential, but this scene was translated at last, so I might give context to those who don't know it:

This weaver is "Miss Crane", who appears in Waltz in the Moonlight Lostroom, a special game released on anniversary with the plot by Nasu. Just to show how tied is Roman's story and Benienma's event narrative. The doctor created the Moonlight Room, that became a harmless singularity that exists linking past and future, similar to the Inn. Crane manages it by his request and one of Crane's goal is to reward him, even with the little she could do for him. Roman gets the broadcast of the Ball Crane arranged for him in the game’s ending. This foreshadowing that leads back to Roman was included in the same chapter Beni tells us her backstory and her wish to thank and meet that man again. And she did, in the very end, as a personal reward for her efforts, and his.

(Fate/Grand Order is a story of many meetings and departures, and meetings again).

Note that because I interpret that Mash’s and Guda’s emotional catharsis arc require: needing to help Olga (to exercise their regrets), and meeting Roman in the end (as reward), it doesn’t mean that Olga or Roman will be alive or playable in the end. Olga could sacrifice herself as Corday or Ophelia did after being saved (her choice is going to be important, because it seems build up for her to finally make a stand she wants), Roman can be met in a death-state or in the Lostroom/Moonlight room as connection of past and future. It’s just that those things needed to happen for the emotional closure and they have had a built up before the Greek Lostbelt.

#fate grand order #meta #olgamarie animusphere #romani archaman #lostbelt spoilers

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