#I’M the one who doesn’t get paid. I’M the one whose students leave because they can’t start classes until october & all the other colleges

[fingertipsmp3]

Gotta love how staff induction is in a week or less and I still haven’t heard if I’m supposed to be there or not 🙃

[1863-project]

I’m not so sure the younger players starting out with Scarlet and Violet will appreciate the nuance of a character like Larry, because they haven’t had to fight for their survival in a capitalist society yet - at that age, their guardians are still fighting the fight for them.

But as an adult in my 30s, that shit hits HARD. I remember my time in grad school, where at one point I was simultaneously a full-time student, had an internship, and was working a job on the weekends. I went literal months without seeing my friends that semester. I was lonely and miserable and kept getting sick. I was doing something I loved in grad school and at my internship - archiving - but the job (a gig as a tour guide at a historic site) was sucking the life out of me. When I finally got out of that job and started applying to archival positions, my parents actually commented on how the tour guide work had been slowly killing me.

Spoilers for Scarlet and Violet below the cut.

Larry has a job he absolutely despises, probably because he felt like he had to get one to survive, because being a Pokemon trainer often doesn’t pay the bills - in fact, we do frequently see Gym Leaders in this franchise (and even Champions, in the case of Cynthia - an archaeologist - and Steven - the scion to a business) working actual jobs. It’s not lucrative and it’s not necessarily something you can survive on doing alone. Even my favorite characters in the franchise, Ingo and Emmet, run a public transit system alongside a battle facility. It’s the former that’s likely keeping their rent paid.

Larry has distinct skill as a battler - indeed, he’s both a Gym Leader and a member of the Elite Four, specializing in a different type for each (though with a Staraptor on both teams) - and he also has a distinct Poke Ball throw reminiscent of a sidearm pitcher’s windup (see here and here for more on that). But he also talks about his actual job, which he distinctly hates, and how he hopes the player character doesn’t have to use Facade in real life. Larry’s passions lie elsewhere - perhaps in Pokemon battling, or perhaps even in a potential baseball career cut short, if his throw is anything to go by - but capitalism forced him to take an office job, and he is miserable. It’s a distinct misery you understand once you’ve had a job eat you alive and leave you next to no time for your passions - or if it does leave you that time, it exhausts you so much that you can’t do them anyway.

He hasn’t lost his kindness, though - he treats the player character to dinner, and when you battle Nemona on even footing once you’re both at Champion Rank and all the Gym Leaders come to watch, he’s in the back, but he still takes time out of his schedule to make it. He’s doing his best despite being broken down by his job. And so many of us have been there, especially now that those of us who have played since Red and Blue are now in our 30s and 40s.

The kids whose first game is Scarlet or Violet might not quite get it yet. But for those of us who wrangle with capitalism on a daily basis, Larry hits too close to home, and it makes him a great character.

(I also suspect he might be an allusion to Game Freak’s employees being overworked by TPCi, but that’s a post for another day.)

[prismaticpichu]

Since you're doing Zack headcanons, what's your take on his relationship with Genesis? Genesis is such a little stinker that I love seeing different perspectives on him. And I love the way you write Zack so it would be interesting to hear!

Ahhhhh Genesis! The guy everyone wants to kick right in the biblical shins. For all his stinkerness is worth, though, I think he’s definitely got some goodness in there- and all thanks to you and those beautiful fics of yours sparking my interest in him!!

Zack and Genesis’s first encounter was shortly after Zack was taken under Angeal’s wi—I mean, er, adopted by Angeal! We’re only shown Sephiroth as being an influential part of ShinRa, but I’ve always imagined that Angeal—and by extent, Genesis—had some serious spotlight too. They’re First Classes after all! The best of the best! (Sure, Zack may have saw Sephiroth on the papers and tv and cereal boxes, but he still had a bit of butterflies when Angeal first brought him to his apartment.)

One minute in, annnnnnnd butterflies gone! Boom. Caught in a net and burned away. Wow oh wow oh WOW!! It was COMMANDER RHAPSADOS AND GENERAL SEPHIROTH! Oh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Genesis, sitting there on Angeal’s couch, is mortified. Eyes twitching. Lips a thin line.

You gotta be SHIVING him, Angeal. Did you at least get him shot for rabies? And influenza? Did you at least wipe his feet?

Surprise, surprise, Genesis isn’t so keen on Zack joining his friendship circle. Angeal is absolutely mother-Chocobo for his little student and even Sephiroth seems to enjoy his presence. Has the world gone MAD?!

For all Genesis is though, he’s not a bully. His feelings towards Zack never extend beyond impatience and just… annoyance. Why is the new puppy getting all the attention? Why is Angeal, who’s been his bestest friend since they were 3yos, whose dreams they shared and whose path he followed, spending more time with Zack than him? It—it isn’t fair! (Genesis kicks himself for that pun.)

Halftime! Let’s switch sides of the court. Zack is a natural puppy and wants to be pals with everyone. But that doesn’t mean he necessarily gets along with all living matter on earth. Genesis and Zack’s personalities majorly clash—and I’m not even talking “opposites attract” kinda thing. I’m talking God has shut off the magnetic field. Genesis was stiff and smug and was always rolling his eyes at him :( Like seriously!! All he did was ask for seconds of ‘Geal’s mac and cheese and Genesis scoffed. What did he do???

They develop a very “grouchy siblings fighting over mom’s front seat” kind of relationship. Angeal is constantly tearing apart petty little grapples between the two, and then poor Sephiroth gets roped into the lecture too because he’s being a “bystander” and yadyaydya Angeal’s ted talk.

But, alas, leave two stubborn animals in the same room long enough and they’re bound to work things out (or tear each other to shreds, whatever comes first). Genesis begins to take notice of Zack’s impressive swordsmanship—of course it’s courtesy of Angeal’s guidance, but still. The whelp is… not bad. He finds himself watching training sessions between the two, admiring how he almost always managed to actually land a hit on Angeal. (Not that he is any match for Sephiroth—if he couldn’t beat him neither could the puppy. Now that would be unfair.)

Come the day when Zack is promoted to Second Class, Genesis volunteers his time to go to Angeal’s apartment and celebrate. He even took the time to get a little gift—how sweet is he?? :3c C’mon, really. Tell him!

More weeks go by, and Zack’s presence doesn’t feel so asphyxiating anymore. He would dare to call it natural, but Genesis knows that isn’t the full truth. Zack is merely fading into the background as other, more… potent emotions are stirring. Sephiroth’s fame is snowballing and his is falling behind. It’s as if the more effort he put into training, the less it paid off. The less it mattered.

He would show Sephiroth—and Angeal. Just ONE more spar to prove himself. He knew he could.

When Genesis vanishes, Zack feels it. Maybe a little less severe than Angeal’s lack of energy or Sephiroth’s lack of appetite, but he feels it. Seeing those Genesis clones on the ground, and then the real thing, all winged and twisted… No. No. It was all wrong.

“You’re not the Genesis I once knew!”

His words echo far into the sky, where Genesis had already been swallowed.

And so he proceeds to bond with Sephiroth instead <3 <3 It’s a very adorable, healthy friendship and they love each other very much. There is no amount of jealously or genetic revelation that can ever tear them apart <3

[keemera-art]

Template by Blaze-On-Fire on deviant art! Got the idea from Dunsparmy on Deviant too :)

Rogue Lenny

Lenny is on Kupa Keep’s side only because he doesn’t want to make Cartman an enemy. He would rather join the Drow elves but knowing how ruthless an enemy Eric could be he chose Kupa Keep to stay on Eric’s good side.

Class: Thief

Alignment: Chaotic neutral

Weapon(s) of choice: two daggers

Main attacks:

“Ruthless Attack”. He takes out his two daggers and runs up to the enemy, slashing them up to four times on a perfect hit.

“Cheater”. He takes marbles out from his pockets and throws them on the ground which causes the opponent to fall, giving the enemy the “defense down” condition.

Voice lines:

After attacking:

“Let’s play marbles!”

“Cheaters always prosper”

“That’s gonna leave a mark”

“Words still cut deeper”

When hit:

“Ack!”

“Ow, thanks a lot”

“That was totally unfair”

“You so missed”

—————————————————————————

Invisa-Boy:

Alias: Lenny Fischer

Class: Assassin and elemantalist

Invisa-Boy is a vigilante with the power to become ✨invisible✨. He is a Freedom Pal whose power’s origin is unknown, but he uses it both to slip by unnoticed, stealing cheat sheets from the teachers at South Park elementary that he can sell to students, and to fight crime in the streets after dark.

His closest allies in Freedom Pals are Mysterion, Super Craig and Toolshed, who happen to all be well paying customers.

Backstory:

he doesn’t remember his parents… his memories were stripped away from him… all he knows is that from a young age he could go by undetected. People would often ignore him at school or on the street… it was some kind of super power he possessed, to be so easily ignored and forgotten about. Once he realized the amazing power he possessed he started using it to his advantage, both for good and also business, as he realized kids liked cheating on tests… they really liked cheating. Kids didn’t want to do the work. So he learned he would get paid handsomely if he started selling cheat sheets to kids at his school.

By day, Invisa-Boy is Lenny, the keeper of the cheats. By night… he’s a crime fighting vigilante who seeks to stop evil in its path with his invisibility.

Attacks:

“Silent Onslaught”

Turning invisible, Invisa-Boy runs up and leaps onto the enemy, stabbing them with his dagger. Inflicts bleeding condition and defense down to enemy. Invisa-Boy’s invisible condition ends on his next turn or when he takes damage.

“Fucked From Behind” He runs up behind the enemy and in a similar manner to “backstab” from the Thief class, stabs them. Causing bleeding and extreme damage.

“Wind Turbine” he blasts a windy gust towards enemies (can hit up to 6 squares) causing damage and knockback.

Ultimate attack:

“Now you see me, now you don’t” Going invisible, Invisa-Boy harnesses the power of wind and weaves all farts in the surrounding area into one big cloud around enemies, causing gross-out and extreme damage.

Character sheet:

Race/ethnicity: Magic-infused human

Sex/gender: Bi-curious trans male

Alignment: Neutral

Religion: Oxygen

Power source: People’s obliviousness

Kryptonite: Hall monitors

Voice lines:

After attacking/during combat:

“Can’t hit what you can’t see!”

“I’m getting McDonald’s after this.”

“I could’ve made like four moves by now.”

“Pull your head out of your ass let’s GO.”

When hit:

“I guess you aren’t as ignorant as the others.”

“Bring it on.”

“Ack!”

“I could’ve totally blocked that.”

[gduncan969]

Gospel Grinches

Psalm 2:1-3 “Why do the nations rage, And the people plot a vain thing? The kings of the earth set themselves, And the rulers take counsel together, Against the Lord and against His Anointed, saying, “Let us break Their bonds in pieces And cast away Their cords from us.”

OK, that’s it!  I’ve had enough!  Now that the woke crowd has labeled me and all of my white friends as racists under their Critical Race Theory, they are well on their way to taking over the world and are now pushing for all kinds of retribution and cash compensation for the racist crimes committed by our forefathers—or in their terms, fore-parents or, even better, fore-birthing people, over the last several hundred years.  I’m done with it!  This past week I read that the governor of California is proposing that any person of African descent whose fore-birthing people were subject to slavery, be paid the sum of $30,000+ US dollars as compensation.  Of course, deciding who will get the money creates the same problem for Governor Newsom as it did for Adolf Hitler who had to decide who should be regarded as Jewish and thus marked for extermination. The woke crowd has been very busy all over the western world making sure that we, the masses, admit our guiltiness and prove our repentance by coughing up the funds to finance their new world utopia which will bring us happiness while we own nothing.  Their insanity knows no bounds.  A film-maker in Norway was recently charged with hate-speech for saying that trans-women (who are biological men) cannot be lesbians.  In nearby Finland a Lutheran Bishop and a Finnish MP were similarly charged with hate-speech for simply quoting the biblical texts on sexual sin.  The word “sin” was deemed to be a particularly hateful term.  A teacher in Idaho has been forced to resign for refusing to use her students’ gender-preferred pronouns and one recent media headline asked the question, “Do Unvaccinated People Need to Be Counseled to Drive Slower?”, a question undoubtedly worthy of top priority at the United Nations.  Here in Ontario, a high school teacher is showing up for work dressed as a woman and wearing gi-normous prosthetic breasts under a see-through slip while he teaches classes in workshop skills.  Complaining students and parents are being told by the school board that they fully support the teacher’s right to do so!  These and countless other examples like them leave me asking how long can this go on before our entire society collapses under the weight of all these new “individual rights”.  A modern translation of Ecclesiastes 1:1 would be: “Insanity, insanity, all is insanity”!  It amazes me how far we have fallen into this chaos of confusion but my amazement is not so much with the questions being asked as it is with the fact that such inane, insane and self-evident questions are not only being asked but worse still, willingly being discussed by normal, intelligent people who might as well spend their time debating if the earth flat or if the moon is really made of green cheese!   What possible discussion is needed to refute the statement that a man cannot be a lesbian and what degree of narcissism does it take to be offended by such a viewpoint?  Who among us, other than the mentally ill, is running around looking for someone to tell them how to define a woman or how men can become pregnant?

So, what can I do about all of this?   For a brief moment I thought of starting a legal action against the Scottish government to seek compensation for the vast amount of Scottish land seized from my ancestor, King Duncan who was killed by Macbeth only 800 years ago—a mere blip in the chronology of the earth—and maybe I could include compensation from William Shakespeare for stealing the rights to the story for his play, “Macbeth”.  Of course, I shouldn’t have to prove I’m King Duncan’s descendent  because, according to the current official viewpoint, it is sufficient that it is “my truth” even if it doesn’t match anyone else’s “truth”.  However, if you are in any doubt, I can offer clear proof of my claim: I was born in Scotland, so there!  What other proof would you possibly need? Based on all the lawsuits going on around us these days, I suspect I might just win my case and pocket a few million dollars to boot.  

How do we explain this madness?  Have governments lost their collective minds and are so far into this new woke culture they cannot find their way back to common sense?  Are they just too fearful of the woke crowd and its insidious hidden power to speak out against their hell-bent effort to destroy civil society and replace it with a one-world government having control of everything and everyone—except them?  On second thoughts, there’s a much deeper and more insidious motive at the heart of all of this and it has nothing to do with claiming rights, whether it be the pronouns or gender of our choosing , or compensation for whatever wrongs we think we have endured or whatever rights we might invent for ourselves.  The heart of this problem is plain and simple rebellion—rebellion against God and His authority as revealed in His book, the bible!  God has clearly shown us what He requires of humanity in Micah 6:8 “He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?”  However, the rulers of this woke world and their followers have rejected any notion that there is a God who should be recognized and glorified for who He is and they have replaced His authority with their own.  Tragically, many in the churches in the west have followed them. They have mistakenly believed that being a Christian in today’s world is all about obeying the rules whether they be of God or government  but they have failed to understand Jesus’ only command to us was not to obey the rules but to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37).  We will never succeed in obeying God’s rules until we first know Him and trust Him for who He is, our Father, our Friend and our Savior.  Trying to obey rules without first having a walking, talking relationship with the Ruler leads only to sterile religiosity which in turn leads to cold-hearted legalism that knows only how to criticize and accuse others.  Religious zeal for rules can never substitute for a living, breathing relationship with the Ruler, the Lord Jesus Christ, who alone is able to rescue us from ourselves through the new life He gives us as we surrender to Him.  So many people reject the Gospel message because they see it only as form of religious obedience to rules for good behavior rather than a vibrant relationship with a Person who loves them completely and who empowers them to love others as themselves.  As one wise man once told me, being a Christian is not about what you say you believe, it’s about WHO you know!  Many years ago I listened to a guest speaker at a Christian conference give a talk on Psalm 68:1 “Let God arise, Let His enemies be scattered; Let those also who hate Him flee before Him.” and then went on to ask us, “Who and where are God’s enemies?”.  The answer he provided to his own question was eye-opening: “God’s enemies sit in the front rows of many churches glaring at the pastor because they hate God”. The reason they hate Him is because life has not been kind to them and they blame God for their suffering, perhaps the loss of a loved one or a divorce or an illness or a financial difficulty.  The reasons are many but the result is the same: since joining the church they have tried their darndest to serve Him by obeying all His rules but never felt the warmth of His touch or saw the brilliance of His glory. God never seemingly came through for them so they continue to attend church knowing that He is God and must be obeyed but they hate Him for it! While remaining locked up in a spirit of bitterness, their sole purpose in church is to oppose any move of the Holy Spirit that seeks to destroy the traditions of men that they have become accustomed to.  They have become “Gospel Grinches”, stealing the enthusiasm of God’s people for worship, deliverance and fellowship. Jesus warns all of us who have believed in His name that He is the vine and we are the branches and that without Him we can do NOTHING (John 15:5). Countless lives have been lost by those who grabbed hold of the bible’s rules for living and ran with them but forgot the relationship that alone gives us the power to obey them.  The insanity we are witnessing is the result of rebellion “against the Lord, and against His Anointed” (Psalm 2:2) which has led to the decision to discard any notion that God’s rules are for our benefit, not our destruction. Verse 3 puts it this way: “Let us break Their bonds in pieces And cast away Their cords from us.” In other words, let’s unstrap ourselves from all these rules that are impossible to keep and let’s do our own thing.  This decision has led to the “Me Generation” where it’s all about me-my-and-mine but God in Isaiah 53:6 describes this generation this way: “All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.”  How sad it is to see whole denominations of the Church adopt the world’s standards of righteousness as they go about blessing same-sex marriages, homosexual behavior, mutilation of the body to change gender and medical assistance in dying even for those who are mentally ill.  That’s bad enough but they are also actively opposing those who disagree with these things who are making a stand for righteousness’ sake.  

Thankfully, the rest of Psalm 2 gives us reason to rejoice.  God is still in control:

4 He who sits in the heavens shall laugh; The Lord shall hold them in derision. 5 Then He shall speak to them in His wrath, And distress them in His deep displeasure: 6 “Yet I have set My King On My holy hill of Zion.”

7 “I will declare the decree: The Lord has said to Me, ‘You are My Son, Today I have begotten You. 8 Ask of Me, and I will give You The nations for Your inheritance, And the ends of the earth for Your possession. 9 You shall break them with a rod of iron; You shall dash them to pieces like a potter’s vessel.’ ”

10 Now therefore, be wise, O kings; Be instructed, you judges of the earth. 11 Serve the Lord with fear, And rejoice with trembling. 12 Kiss the Son, lest He be angry, And you perish in the way, When His wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him.

Are you ready to “kiss the Son”? Please know that you will not survive Christ’s return if all you have to offer is blind obedience to the rules of the faith.  You must enter into fellowship with the Ruler who will give you His Holy Spirit to lead you and comfort you and best of all to empower you to live the new life God has promised you.  You will also be able to pass on to others what you yourself have received just like Peter and John did at the temple gate when the crippled beggar  asked for alms: “Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk.” (Acts 3:6).  Ask yourself ,“What do I have to give?”  If your answer is “a bunch of rules for holy living”, then you really have nothing worth having.  If you haven’t entered into this vibrant relationship with the Lord Jesus, you can simply by asking Him to forgive your past failings and fill you with His Holy Spirit.  Believe that He will and He will!  This could be a whole new Christmas for you as you celebrate the birth of our Savior.  Have a Merry Christmas.

[jiminrings]

bestie what if jungkook finally finds out that jin’s friends with y/n 😭😭😭 he’d live in embarrassment for like eight business days

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

jungkook wants to crawl in a ditch for bADLY misjudging a situation he should’ve foreseen in the first place

yoongi has never been this dedicated to curing his hangover

well actually, nO ONE was really forcing him to pick you and taehyung up anyway

you didn't even ask!!! you could 10/10 just call for an uber to bring back taehyung to his place

maybe, just maybe, it's your fault that when yoongi asked you where you were when he's just woken up from a long night of partying, you mentioned "i'm with taehyung" and hospital and go home in the same sentence so that's why he went to overdrive

did he process what you said correctly?? probably not <3

that's the whole reason why yoongi had wasted sIX eggs this morning!!

he read somewhere in passing and watched song-hwa from hospital playlist enough to know that drinking eggs apparently helps you with your hangover and some other things

first, he wasted tHREE eggs because apparently, you're not supposed to drink the eggs !!! whisked !!! because it "defeats" the whole purpose

but it's still an egg whether you whisk it and no one's sane enough to drink raw eggs unprovoked

yoongi nailed it on the second try and he might have gagged a few times but the important thing is, his hangover is all-cured from the stress of digesting raw eggs :D so now he can safely drive at a borderline dangerous speed to pick you and tae up

"hey kiddo."

you peer your head up to see yoongi looking down at you, ruffling your hair in greeting

you've been held up here for less than five hours anyway, and it's not that yOU look tired,,, it's just that maybe you could use a little more sleep

lol you got yoongi thinking for a second that you're the injured on

"hey champ," yoongi acknowledges taehyung who's smiling from his bed, getting a forehead flick from his senior to which he rolls his eyes to

taehyung's... dressed up already in his normal clothes?

he already has his shoe on too so yoongi doesn't quite get why the two of you still aren't standing up

"you're lucky you just got a flick," you add helpfully, yawning in remembrance, "he punched my arm when i fell down the stairs at the dorm."

and wHY is this conversation all pointing to him now??

"because the both of you did stupid things that landed you in the ER!"

"i was just trying to see if i can go down the stairs three steps at a time!!"

"i just wanted to embrace y/n!!!"

very stoopid decisions if you ask him

yoongi shifts his weight from one foot to another, still a little lost because he's already here, and the two of you are all-ready to go, and he's not really a fan of the smell of the hospital —

oh wait

"has the bill already been settled?" he asks in curiosity, fishing out his wallet from his pocket

"mhmm. already did," tae answers instantly, nudging yoongi to put his wallet back where it came from

uhm wait maybe it's the eggs that are talking but uh

..... if the bill's already paid-

"then why are we all just sitting here?"

taehyung opens his mouth but he cLOSES it shut the moment it all clicks in his head, belatedly looking at you whose face screams conflict

yoongi's eyes turn to you on instinct, narrowing his eyes because you're choosing not to meet his eyes

"we're uh, we're waiting for jungkook to come back from the restroom."

...

.....

.......

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

yoongi's quiet, almost like he's calculating the variables in his mind

his mind's working harder rn that it did on his finals last week

"so jungkook is here?"

he gets war flashbacks every time he hears his name

he just shudders at the thought of him and he doesn't mean it positively lmao

"y-yeah! did i not tell you that at the call? he helped me get taehyung here," you scratch your nape in explanation, not accounting for the fact that yoongi still vERY much loathes jungkook when you called him

tae's not actually sure if he's helping you when he opens his mouth but he's trying his best <3

"yup! his shoulders were my crutch for like, three blocks. he also bought us food from the cafeteria while we were waiting to have my leg cast!!"

he glances at the fancy paper bags from the cafeteria downstairs, even some take-outs in there that makes it look all-stuffed

how in the living hELL is yoongi suppposed to feel about all of this :|

"i'm back! should i call an uber now? sorry, i bought these tiny hand sanitizers because they were having a sale at the pharmacy. y/n what scent do you-..."

jungkook happily chirps as he rummages through the bag he was given, preparing to scoop all the different scents to present them to you when he jUST had to look down at a familiar pair of shoes

as in the same black converse that he had the relief of looking at when someone was particularly asking him if he ever had a knuckle sandwich

"h-hi yoongi."

yoongi narrows his eyes at the kid who just squeaked, mouth puffed-up in disbelief that he looks like he's hiding a hamster in there

"bye jungkook."

yoongi uses tae as an excuse to shoo jungkook off as fast as possible but that kinda bites him in the ass

taehyung's going through a learning curve with his crutches and yoongi's making him wALK faster!!!! he still needs a little-

oh wait a minute :-)

"jungkook! help me walk to yoongi's car."

no

there is nO way that even taehyung's conspiring against him now

first jin and now taehyung????

tae solidifies his point by winking at yoongi, leaving you alone with him as you carry the paper bags of cafeteria take-outs

he's not exactly sure if he's helping you out at this situation, but once again, he's just trying his best and having fun alright!!! he likes to be included in these types of things hee-hee

yoongi has no choice now but to aLSO drive jungkook home, and the thought just makes him grumble from thinking about it

he'll have to disinfect his seats ://

"i haven't fully forgiven him if that's what you're thinking about," you chime in with his thoughts, looping your arm around his to help quell the visible stress in his mind

"it's your life," he puffs out because he doesn't want to meddle with you, consciously trying not to be overbearing when it comes to your choices

"i know. i just want you to know that your closest friend has the pride and the brains to not forgive an asshole, a goddamn junior, who said really mean things to her," you add thoughtfully and transparently, making yoongi break into a smile

ok that's got the heaviness in his chest a little lighter

"we should probably talk to each other one of these days."

you haven't had a heart-to-heart talk with yoongi for quite some time now because there weren't really any pressing issues of the sort to make the two of you talk face-to-face, but now it's probably needed

"we should."

:D

jungkook has never feared for his life in a car ride tHIS much before

and he's even wearing his seatbelt!!!!

you're sitting at the front seat and he's with taehyung at the back, the latter dozing off because yoongi indulged his request for sleep music with soft rain on the background (it doesn't make yoongi sleepy) in an attempt to make him feel better about his leg

the one-hour loop's working wonders because you're passed out on the front seat too

normally, this would also make jungkook sleepy

but how the fuck can he sLEEP when yoongi looks at him through the rear-view mirror like an apex predator??????

kook could take the easier route of pretending to sleep so he could get to avoid yoongi's gaze

but then if he pretends to sleep, yoongi would clearly see how his eyeballs are still very much trembling even when his eyes are shut and he's the furthest thing from being relaxed

don't get him started on stoplights too!!! that was just pure torture because jungkook was conflicted to whether or not he should look at him rIGHT back

taehyung and jungkook live in the same building anyway so that's more convenient because he actually wouldn't know how to act if he had to drop j-name (he honestly can't digest saying his name) separately

now that that's all over, jungkook feels oddly fulfilled in a way...?

fulfilled in a sense that even if partially, he managed to earn your forgiveness

he feels like he could sleep a little more peacefully knowing that he atleast did something right this time!!!

which is for the exact reason, he's gonna gUSH about this to mr. kim from student affairs!!!

it's uh the weekend and he walked to campus because he thinks that admin works even on weekends (mad respect)

it's noticeably a lot more empty compared to weekdays and it's just filled with freshmen with their hectic class schedules and some students who are just fulfilling units to graduate early

jungkook walks straight to student affairs and it instantly looks empty, the only familiar face in there being namjoon

as in mr. kim namjoon who's wearing a windbreaker rn and whose hair is dEFINITELY blonde than the last time (two days ago) that jungkook saw him

he's not here to work isn't he

wait is he here to rob the place ???!?#?!?

"and what are you doing here?"

namjoon is as confused as jungkook, his mouth opening and closing in dumbfoundedness

"o-oh! is mr. kim here? w-wait, you are here. i mean mr. kim seokjin, sorry. did he-"

"nope," namjoon shakes his head, putting his bucket hat back on to leave jungkook all by himself

namjoon from work and namjoon every other time besides work are TWO different entities

"we just came here to collect our paychecks. you missed jin by ten minutes."

oh well

his momentum's not entirely ruined!! jungkook just has to cram thinking of a recipe to put in your lunchbox by tomorrow and jin is his tried and tested saving grace

technically, jungkook already saw you this morning because of the whole taehyung in a cast thing, but he feels as if that the take-outs from the cafeteria aren't gonna cut it

he still needs to step up his game of course :D

so that's why jungkook forcibly enlisted jimin's help to make fish and chips for dinner and put them in two lunchboxes

one for you and one for yoongi!! he didn't skimp on the fish nor the chips and made sure they're still toasty and in peak-flavor when he delivers it to your dorm

is he intruding? is this a bad time? he didn't exactly know how to process when yoongi told him that he wouldn't stop him from making it up to you

he just iSN'T sure if delivering homemade lunchboxes at 7 in the evening to your dorm is optimal

oh good!! the door's opening :D

"good evening!! i uhm-"

... what

.......... WHAT

what the fuck is going on

seokjin is suprised to see that the guy at the door isn't from the delivery place he ordered from two minutes ago

... he may be disappointed

but what he is amused about is the way jungkook looks beyond confused and intimidated

jin's in a sleep shirt and some boxers and jungkook doesn't kNOW what to feel about all the variables present that he's trying to connect

"you look like you're hiding a goldfish in your mouth."

seokjin remarks and yawns when a fraction of a minute passes and jungkook's still frozen in his spot, his eyes darting to what the kid's holding

"oh c'mon! one for y/n and one for yoongi? you trying to make it up to him too? and none for me?" jin jives him further, leaning against the doorframe with a sleepy smirk on his lips, "i practically live here, and i gave you the tonkatsu recipe, and i'm the one who doesn't get a lunchbox?"

he eventually saw this coming lmao

jin knew that someway somehow, jungkook would come to know that hE's your close friend throughout the whole time

that he's been the sort of middleman all this time but nah he's on your team of course <3

that all this whining he's done to him has all been in the name of you and seokjin had to sit through ALLLL of that with his fists clenched underneath the table to calm himself down

"oh my god," jungkook's literally WEAK in the knees as it all connects in his mind, the gravity of this scenario kicking down on him

he really iS such a fucking asshole

how did he not hypothesize this????? how wasn't he able to connect you and yoongi and jin as each other's closest friends???

his legs are literally about to give out so that's why seokjin snatches the lunchboxes from his hands

"i am so, so, so sorry mr. kim. i-i really didn't-..."

jin pays him no mind, opening the lunchboxes slightly as he whistles at the sight of fish and chips

meanwhile jungkook is so sO close to crying both in realization and very very slight relief because he knows atleast one of your friends doesn't hate him that much

the door opens wider, the creaking getting both of his and jin's attention

"what's taking you so long? is the-..."

yoongi switches his gaze between the two lunchboxes on jin's hand and jungkook sitting on the floor looking like he's had the shock of his lifetime

wow this is really amusing

this is in fact so amusing that yoongi can't help but to snap a picture for him and jin to laugh at later

"bye, jeon."

yoongi grabs one of the lunchboxes from jin's hand and goes back into the dorm, leaving jungkook alone with mr. student affairs

seokjin chuckles as he outstretches his hand to make jungkook stand up and shoo him off sooner than later so he wouldn't look like a pebble in front of your dorm

he pats him on the back, only having to pull him slightly to get him closer to his ear

"we're still mad at you kid, don't get it twisted. you're lucky i didn't expel you."

jungkook pales at the realization overall, only weakly nodding his head as he attempts to take in everything while trying to look at the bright side

seokjin cheerily closes the door, waving at him who looks so close to passing out from hock

"bye jungkook!!!"

[robertreich]

Trump’s 40 Biggest Broken Promises

Trump voters. Nearly 4 years in, here’s an updated list of Trump’s 40 biggest broken promises.

1. He said coronavirus would “go away without a vaccine.”

You bought it. But it didn’t. While other countries got the pandemic under control and avoided large numbers of fatalities, the virus has killed more than 130,000 Americans*, and that number is still climbing.

2. He said he won’t have time to play golf if elected president.

But he has made more than 250 visits to his golf clubs since he took office – a record for any president – including more trips during the pandemic than meetings with Dr. Fauci. The total financial cost to America? More than $136 million.

3. He said he would repeal the Affordable Care Act, and replace it with something “beautiful.”

It didn’t happen. Instead, 7 million Americans have lost their health insurance since he took office. He has asked the Supreme Court to strike down the law in the middle of a global pandemic with no plan to replace it.

4. He said he’d cut your taxes, and that the super-rich like him would pay more.

He did the opposite. By 2027, the richest 1 percent will have received 83 percent of the Trump tax cut and the richest 0.1 percent, 60 percent of it. But more than half of all Americans will pay more in taxes.

5. He said corporations would use their tax cuts to invest in American workers.

They didn’t. Corporations spent more of their tax savings buying back shares of their own stock than increasing workers wages.

6. He said he would boost economic growth by 4 percent a year.

Nope. The economy stalled, and unemployment has soared to the highest levels since the Great Depression. Just over half of working-age Americans are employed – the worst ratio in 70 years.  

7. He said he wouldn’t “cut Social Security like every other Republican and I’m not going to cut Medicare or Medicaid.”

His latest budget includes billions in cuts to Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid.

8. He promised to be “the voice” of American workers.

He hasn’t. His administration has stripped workers of their rights, repealed overtime protections, rolled back workplace safety rules, and turned a blind eye to employers who steal their workers’ wages.

9. He promised that the average American family would see a $4,000 pay raise because of his tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations.

But nothing trickled down. Wages for most Americans have barely kept up with inflation.    

10. He promised that anyone who wants a test for Covid will get one.

But countless Americans still can’t get a test.

11. He said hydroxychloroquine protects against coronavirus.

No way. The FDA revoked its emergency authorization due to the drug’s potentially lethal side effects.

12. He promised to eliminate the federal deficit.

He has increased the federal deficit by more than 60 percent.

13. He said he would hire “only the best people.”

He has fired a record number of his own cabinet and White House picks, and then called them “whackos,” “dumb as a rock," and  "not mentally qualified.”  6 of them have been charged with crimes.

14. He promised to bring down the price of prescription drugs and said drug companies are “getting away with murder.”

They still are. Drug prices have soared, and a company that got federal funds to develop a drug to treat coronavirus is charging $3,000 a pop.=

15. He promised to revive the struggling coal industry and bring back lost coal mining jobs.

The coal industry has continued to lose jobs as clean energy becomes cheaper. 

16. He promised to help American workers during the pandemic.

But 80% of the tax benefits in the coronavirus stimulus package have gone to millionaires and billionaires. And at least 21 million Americans have lost extra unemployment benefits, with no new stimulus check to fall back on.

17. He said he’d drain the swamp.

Instead, he’s brought into his administration more billionaires, CEOs, and Wall Street moguls than in any administration in history, and he’s filled departments and agencies with former lobbyists, lawyers and consultants who are crafting new policies for the same industries they used to work for.

18. He promised to protect Americans with pre-existing conditions.

His Justice Department is trying to repeal the entire Affordable Care Act, including protections for people with preexisting conditions.

19. He said Mexico would pay for his border wall.

The wall is estimated to cost American taxpayers an estimated $11 billion.

20. He promised to bring peace to the Middle East.

Instead, tensions have increased and his so-called “peace plan” was dead on arrival.

21. He promised to lock up Hillary Clinton for using a private email server.

He didn’t. Funny enough, Trump uses his personal cell-phone for official business, and several members of his own administration, including Jared Kushner and Ivanka, have used private email in the White House.

22. He promised to use his business experience to whip the federal government into shape.

He hasn’t. His White House is in permanent chaos. He caused the longest government shutdown in our nation’s history when he didn’t get funding for his wall.

23. He promised to end DACA.

The Supreme Court ruled that his plan to deport 700,000 young immigrants was unconstitutional, and DACA still stands.  

24. He promised “six weeks of paid maternity leave to any mother with a newborn child whose employer does not provide the benefit.”

He hasn’t delivered.

25. He promised to bring an end to Kim Jong-Un’s nuclear program.

Kim is expanding North Korea’s nuclear program.

26. He said he would distance himself from his businesses while in office.

He continues to make money from his properties and maintain his grip on his real estate empire.

27. He said he’d force companies to keep jobs in America, and that there would be consequences for companies that shipped jobs abroad.

Since he took office, companies like GE, Carrier, Ford, and Harley Davidson have continued to outsource thousands of jobs while still receiving massive tax breaks. And offshoring by federal contractors has increased.

28. He promised to end the opioid crisis.

Americans are now more likely to die from an opioid overdose than a car accident.

29. He said he’d release his tax returns.

It’s been nearly 4 years. He hasn’t released his tax returns.

30. He promised to tear up the Iran nuclear deal and renegotiate a better deal.

Negotiations have gone nowhere, and he brought us to the brink of war.

31. He promised to enact term limits for all members of Congress.

He has not even tried to enact term limits.

32. He promised that China would pay for tariffs on imported goods.

His trade war has cost U.S. consumers $34 billion a year, eliminated 300,000 American jobs, and cost American taxpayers $22 billion in subsidies for farmers hurt by the tariffs.

33. He promised to “push colleges to cut the skyrocketing cost of tuition.”

Instead, he’s made it easier for for-profit colleges to defraud students, and tuition is still rising.

34. He promised to protect American steel jobs.

The steel industry continues to lose jobs.

35. He promised tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations would spur economic growth and pay for themselves.

His tax cuts will add $2 trillion to the federal deficit.

36. After pulling out of the Paris Climate Accord, he said he’d negotiate a better deal on the environment.

He hasn’t attempted to negotiate any deal.  

37. He promised that the many women who accused him of sexual misconduct “will be sued after the election is over.”

He hasn’t sued them, presumably because he doesn’t want the truth to come out.

38. He promised to bring back all troops from Afghanistan.

He now says: "We’ll always have somebody there.”

39. He pledged to put America first.

Instead, he’s deferred to dictators and authoritarians at America’s expense, and ostracized our allies — who now laugh at us behind our back.

40. He promised to be the voice of the common people.

He’s made his rich friends richer, increased the political power of big corporations and the wealthy, and harmed working Americans.Don’t let the liar-in-chief break any more promises. Vote him out in November.

[bimb0beee]

stay with me.

suna x y/n

in which youve liked suna for years, suna is a tsundere, and tsukishima is a little shit.

includes tsukiyama, best friends tsuki & yamaguchi, mentioned miya twins, tsukishima is a shit stirrer and we love him for it.

warnings: smut, public funking, big cock suna, stupid suna, a little spit, uhhhhh, also my fics are never beated all mistakes are my own 🥴

wc: 4.1k

The first time you saw Suna Rintaro was at nationals. He was easily one of the prettiest boys you have ever seen. All you wanted to do was introduce yourself to him, but seeing as how they lost to Karasuno… you didn't think he'd give the time of day to a student there.

You debated following him on his socials… but ultimately went against it.

There was no way he'd be interested in you anyway.

The second time you saw Suna Rintaro, you were eating lunch with Kei and Tadashi.

You were midchew listening intently to Tadashi's story when you looked up and saw him.

He was walking with his friends, the twins, and you started choking.

Kei glanced at you while Tadashi fussed to make sure you weren’t dying.

He also happened to glance in the direction you were looking and saw the reason for your sudden choking.

“Y/n, oh my god, are you okay??”

“Tadashi, she's fine. She just so happened to see her four year crush.”

You punched him in his stupid gut.

The third time you saw Suna he was in one of your classes. Along with one of the twins. The one with yellow hair… What was his name again?

You were seated near the back, always keen on avoiding human interaction if you could.

And, of course, they both decided to sit directly in front of you.

Not that they paid you any attention.

Which was fine.

Until your professor told the class they should get someone elses contact information.

Since you were alone, and no one was near you except for Suna and Miya, you had no choice but to give it to Miya when he asked.

“Yo, I’m Atsumu! This is Suna.”

You looked up at, ah his name is Atsumu, Atsumu and smiled shyly.

“Hey! I’m Y/n…”

You took a chance at Suna but he's looking at his phone, not even bothering to give you another glance.

Unknown to you, he was already looking at you, but decided to look away before he got caught by either you or Atsumu.

You offered up your email and number to Atsumu, looking over to see if Suna wanted to as well.

He didn't even look at you, which may or may not have bummed you a bit, but you decided it was better this way.

You and Atsumu exchanged at least which was better than nothing, you suppose.

From then on, you and Atsumu became fast friends. You would try to talk to Suna, but he would just grunt at you or not even bother answering. So you gave up on trying. Which kind of fucking sucked, but if he wanted to be a prick, then you wouldnt bother with that.

Has your crush dwindled? No, of course not.

Atsumu was always talking about Suna and the stuff they were up to and he seemed so wonderful, so it sucked that he wouldnt even look at you.

You're crying about Suna to Kei and Tadashi; you're so distracted you don't even notice them walking in.

But Kei does, and right before you say his name he decides to be nice and cut you off.

“Shut up. Look who’s here.”

You look to glare at Kei and then you look up and, oh my god, of course it's him.

Suna and the Miya twins.

Atsumu notices you and starts walking over to you excitedly like a little puppy.

As annoying as he is, it's so endearing, you can't help but love him.

“Hey, Y/n!”

“Oh, hey Atsumu. Whats up?” You crinkle your eyes at him and in the most subtle way a tick appears in Suna’s eyebrow.

No one notices, except Kei.

He mentally grins.

“Oh, this is my brother! Osamu! We’re twins!”

You laugh and Kei puts his arm around you.

“Wow, really? I would've never guessed.”

You slap your hand on Kei’s leg and tell him to be nice.

He turns to whisper in your ear, “Leave your hand there. I'm testing a theory.”

You look at him with a question in your eyes but decide to listen anyway. Let him have his fun.

“I didn't know you had a boyfriend,” someone who definitely isn't Atsumu says.

You look up, why is Suna talking to you?

“Hmm?” You're staring at him curiously and then he just stalks off.

Atsumu starts to cackle. “What the fuck. He doesn't talk to you at all and then says that shit?”

“Y-yeah. What the hell was that about?”

Osamu is looking at you with sparkles in his eyes and you're about to ask what that means when he's suddenly walking away, “Sorry, gotta go and make sure he doesn't accidentally hurt himself! It was nice meeting you, Y/n.”

“You too…?”

Atsumu catches up to them to see what the fuck that was about.

They're sitting on a bench outside and Atsumu walks up to them trying not to laugh.

“What the fuck was that, Suna? I thought you didn't like her!”

“I don't.” He rolls his eyes, but there's a faint blush to his cheeks.

“Oh my god. You fucking like her.”

“Shut the fuck up, Tsumu.”

“LMFAO.”

“Atsumu, why the fuck did you just say that out loud?”

“Suna, you’re such a fucking tsundere. Why don't you just talk to her, idiot?”

“Why would I do that, when she clearly has a boyfriend?”

“Well, Rin, you didn't even let her answer before you stormed off. Maybe if you actually talked to her, you might find out the truth.”

Suna blinks at Osamu and gives a gentle smile.

“This is why you're my favorite twin.”

“Fuck you, Suna. You can't even talk to the person you like.”

“What the fuck was that. Kei? What the fuck was that?”

You're kind of having a little breakdown. Why did Suna randomly ask that, out of absolutely nowhere. He doesn't give you the time of day, then all of a sudden asks if you have a boyfriend? In what universe is Suna Rintaro living?

Kei is smirking.

“Babe, I think Suna likes you.” Surprisingly, it's Tadashi who speaks.

“Suna doesn't like me, Tadashi. He's clearly an idiot who knows nothing.”

“No, yeah. He totally likes you. He looked like he wanted to kill me.”

“Kei! You can't go antagonizing people!”

“Yes. i can. Especially assholes who think they can say shit when they don't even bother to talk to you.”

You smile wide. Fuck. “Oh my god, Tadashi! Kei loves meeee!”

He blushes and pushes you. “Fuck off, no one even likes you.”

You wrap him in a hug and he's groaning the whole time, but Tsukishima Kei loves you. 

Thankfully, it's friday. Which means you're not going to think about school for the next two days.

Unfortunately, Tadashi is dragging you to a party. Originally, he was only taking you because Kei refused to go. But now there's a change in plans.

You're whining into the phone, “Tadashiiii, if Kei is going then why do I have to??”

A voice, who is most certainly not your sweet freckled baby, answers instead, “Because your stupid boyfriend,” “I dont have a boyfriend, Kei” “is going to be there, and my job is to piss him off.”

“Why do you live off of chaos? What do you get out of it?”

“Pissing people off is one of my favorite pastimes, midget. Get ready.”

And the mother fucker hangs up on you.

One of these days, you swear you're going to kick him right where it hurts the most. 

You walk into the party, Tadashi holding your hand and Kei's hand on your back. It's nice. It's comfortable. You feel like everyone thinks you’re fucking them both. You're not. They’re fucking each other, but that’s a whole other thing you’re not going to get into.

Tadashi goes to get some drinks and Kei takes you to a wall and cages you in.

You blink up at him so prettily, he thinks, if he wasn't in love with his boyfriend, you would've been his next one.

“Kei?” You say so softly and he smirks like the demon he is.

“Saw dumb, dumb and dumbest playing beerpong. I think one of them saw you, so I’m just doing my friendly duty and pissing him off.”

You roll your eyes good naturedly at him and see Tadashi making his way over to you guys.

“Yummy! Give me, give meee!”

Tadashi smiles at you so sweetly and leaves a soft kiss on your forehead.

“I love you, sweetheart!”

“Babe, I'm gonna blush, you womanizer!”

He blushes at that. Tadashi is much too sweet for your teasing but you love seeing how red he can be.

“Shut up, you little brat!”

Suna noticed. He always notices you. He saw the moment you walked in. He narrowed his eyes the moment Kei caged you next to the wall. He also saw when Tadashi kissed you.

The math aint mathin, he thinks to himself.

Atsumu notices his glaring and wants to see what has Suna so angry. At a party.

Then he sees you and who you're with and he laughs in Suna’s face.

“What are you angry about? You never talk to her, idiot. Why don't you change that? Actually, lets go.”

He grabs Suna by his wrist, dragging him across the room to where you three are.

“Y/n! Hey! I didn't know you came to parties!”

You blink your pretty eyes towards them and you smile wide.

“Tsumu! I don't usually, but they wanted me to come and I love them so… Here I am!”

“What, you're not gonna say hi to me, too?”

Now. normally, you would blush and brush it off. But unfortunately, you got some liquid courage in your system because of Tadashi.

“Oh? What's this? Suna is actually making an effort in talking to me?”

You smile so cutely at him and his eyes widen. Is that a blush?

Before he can respond, Atsumu is laughing his ass off.

“She’s got a fuckin point there, Suna!”

“Shut the fuck up, Tsumu. Whose side are you on anyway?”

“Obviously, Y/n’s side.”

You start laughing loudly at their interaction. Kei has a tight grip on your waist and Suna is glaring at the offensive hand.

“You got a staring problem, Suna?”

You glance up at Kei and see a mischievous fire in Kei’s eyes.

“Can you be nice for two seconds, Kei?”

“He's glaring at my hand. Am I supposed to say nothing?”

“Maybe you're just imagining it, hmm?” You say sweetly to him.

He’s about to tell you how stupid you are when someone speaks up, “Hey, Y/n. You wanna go outside? Me and Tsumu are gonna go get some fresh air.”

Kei raises a brow at that, “What, just Y/n? Not us?”

“Nope.” He says, popping the p extra loud.

“Yeah, sure. It's stuffy in here. I'll be back okay? Try not to murder anyone. Love you, bye!”

You make your way outside and find a nice little secluded spot.

It feels so much better than being inside a cramped party where everyone is breathing the same air.

“Wow, it feels so nice out here, huh?”

You have such a pretty little smile all Suna wants to do is kiss you until you're giggling just for him.

“You're really touchy with your friends, aren't you Y/n?”

To your utter surprise, it's not Atsumu who is talking to you.

Atsumu is trying to hold back his cackle; sometimes Suna is too blunt for his own good.

“Hmm, I guess so. I've also known them forever, so it's natural for me to be like that with them. Why, you jealous, Suna?”

You're sitting down squished between Suna and Atsumu and it's giving you butterflies.

Suddenly, Atsumu’s phone is ringing.

“Fuck, its Samu.”

“Yeah? What's up? What? Why did you leave, you stupid… Alright. Stop. Osamu, stop, I'll be right there. Jesus.”

“Sorry, guys. Osamu is drunk and is attempting to walk home alone for whatever reason. I'm gonna go get him. See you guys later?”

“Hopefully! Let me know when he's safe, okay, Tsumu?”

“Yeah, of course, sweetheart!”

You blush, Atsumu has never called you sweetheart before.

Suna knew he was a fucking liar and only doing it to get a reaction out of him. Fucker.

He clears his throat, “We’re friends, aren't we, Y/n?”

You hum, thinking over what he's asking. “Are we, Suna? How can we be friends when you never speak to me?”

You smile oh so sweetly at him and he wants to bite it off of your face.

“We’re talking now, aren't we?”

“I suppose we are, Suna…”

“Call me Rintaro.”

You stammer at his bluntness, “O-okay… Rintaro…” It feels like candy on your tongue.

You’re so fucking cute, he thinks.

“Are you shy? Like a cute little… bunny.”

You stare up at him, eyes wide, face red.

“B-bunny?! Do you go around calling all unsuspecting girls, bunny, Mister Rintaro?”

“Nah. Just the cute ones named Y/n.”

“You're very bold for someone who I just became friends with, aren't you, Rin?”

He puts an arm around you and pulls you closer.

“But, you're so cute, bunny. I can tell you like the nickname. Should I keep calling you bunny? Hmm?”

You're trying to fight the heat on your face, but he's so cute. His words make your insides jelly and you want to kiss him.

“Should I keep going, bunny? Or go back to Y/n?”

You whine at him, “Noooo, Rin…”

Suna can’t help but think how cute you are. He can't help but want to pull more reactions out of you. He manhandles you onto his lap and you're squirming around a little too much.

“Watch it, bunny. If you don't stop you're gonna make this hard for the both of us.”

You stop squirming and cover your face with your hands trying to fight off your blush and embarrassment.

“Rintaro! You can't just say shit like that!”

“Oh? So you want me to get hard? Bunny, you're nasty, aren't you?”

He wraps his hands around your back and snuggles you right next to him so he can whisper naughty things into your ear.

“Bunny, if you wanted me that's all you had to say. I'm all yours, yeah?”

He brings his mouth to plant sweet kisses onto your neck and you're so embarrassed and in shock this is happening to you, you don't react immediately.

Then you feel his teeth sinking into your skin and you let out a breathy moan.

“Oh? What's this? You like being bitten, little bunny?”

“S-shut up, Rin…”

He huffed a laugh against your skin and continues to kiss and nibble at you. He's determined to mark you up so everyone can see just who you belong to.

He moves his hands so they are under your clothes touching your soft skin and it feels so good to have him touching you like this.

“Rin, more, please…”

And who is he to say no to a pretty little bunny?

He gives you the sweetest kiss which is all the warning you get before he's thrusting his tongue into your mouth.

You moan into the kiss and he soaks it up. Your tongues are battling and you've never experienced such euphoria in your life. If you could die right now you would be happy.

He removes himself from your mouth and you whine out a protest.

“Hush, bunny. Open up, yeah?”

You look at him questioningly but do as he says anyway. You open your mouth wide and loll your tongue out just a little bit and he groans at his obedient little bunny.

He stares you dead in the eyes and slowly drops some of his spit into your mouth.

“Don’t swallow until I tell you to, bunny.”

He watches the way his spit runs down into your throat and his dick swells tremendously.

“Okay, sweet baby. Swallow for me, yeah?”

You start to grind down onto his clothed cock and, fuck, it feels so good.

He grabs your hips and helps you rub your tiny little cunt all over him.

“Feel good, bunny? Hmm?”

“Y-yes Rin, feels so good… More…”

“More? Here, bunny? Are you sure?” He laughs into your skin.

You're so delirious with lust it doesn't really occur to you where you are, just that you need to feel him inside you.

“Are you sure bunny? I don't know if your little cunt can take me like this…”

You pout at him, “I can do it, daddy…”

He stiffens at the name. That's new.

“Daddy, please…”

Suna is pretty sure you have no idea what you're saying to him but how can he deny you when you're begging him so sweetly?

“Alright, pretty bunny, let daddy take care of you, yeah?”

Your eyes sparkle in utter happiness and he's struck back for a second. You're going to be the death of him, he thinks.

He goes to move your panties to the side and scoffs. As if he could even call these panties. It's basically a piece of string covering your little cunt.

So, he rips them in two.

“Rintaro! You can’t just rip my fucking underwear!”

You’re pouting at him and, fuck, he wants to shove his cock down your sweet little mouth. Another time, perhaps.

“Hush, baby. I'll buy you more. Not that it was covering much anyway.”

You're about to give him an earful before he's shoving a finger into your sopping cunt.

“Wow, bunny. You're soaked. Is this all for little ol me?”

He's leisurely pumping a long, thick finger in and out of your cunt and it has your thighs quivering.

“Yes, Rin, all for you, always for you,” you cry into his neck.

And all too soon he's taking his finger out and you look into his eyes and watch as he sucks your arousal off of his finger.

“Alright, bunny. Take my cock out.”

You're reaching down to his jeans and just seeing his bulge makes your cunt throb. Fuck, you cannot wait to have it inside you.

You slowly take his cock out and of course it's big and pretty just like him. Can't really say you're surprised about it.

He watches you as your eyes widen in excitement and softly stroke his pretty cock.

“You like what you see, bunny?”

You don't even spare him a glance while you lick your lips and nod softly. You very much do like what you see.

“Alright, sweetheart. It's gonna be a tight fit. Are you sure you want this here?”

“Yes, yes. Rin, please, daddy, please if you don't shove your dick inside me soon I will explode!”

He laughs at your word vomit. You're just so unbearably cute and there is no way in hell he can ever deny you.

“Alright, sweet bunny. Get ready, okay?”

Even when hes about to fuck your brains out, you cant believe how sweet he actually is.

He spits on his dick and lifts you up ever so slightly so he can slip the head inside your quivering hole.

Not that he needed the extra lubrication, he just wanted to make sure it was extra sloppy.

The fat head of his cock makes its way past your folds and you close your eyes with a silent, open mouthed moan.

“Shh,” he coos at you, “look at my sweet little baby, taking my cock raw. Does it hurt, bunny?”

He thinks he hears you growl more at him and he chuckles into the night.

And then he’s sinking you lower and lower and lower, until he's inside you.

All of him is inside you and, fuck, he wants to live in your cunt.

“You take me so well, sweetheart. Were you made for me? Is this cunt made only for me?”

You're babbling a symphony of yes, more, all for you daddy and it's doing everything in his power to not pound you like an animal.

“Rin,” you whine into his ear, “if you dont start moving now im going to walk away and never look back you stupid-”

He grabs your hips and lifts you till he's barely inside you and slams you down onto him.

You're squeezing him so tight, your cunt fluttering around his cock and he's trying not to finish right then and there.

“You're on top bunny, come on, show me, help me out, yeah?”

You can't hear anything; you just have this raw, vicious need for his cock to split you in half.

You start moving up and down as hard as you can and it's the most beautiful feeling you've felt in months.

He's helping you so he reaches a little deeper, you are involuntarily squeezing his shaft, so lost in pleasure.

No one has ever fucked you like Suna Rintaro is currently fucking you.

You're pretty sure no one else will ever measure up to him.

He's sucking hickies all over your unblemished neck, a feral growl in him knowing he's the one who's gonna have his marks all over your precious body.

“S’at feel good, baby? You like when I bite your neck and slam you on my thick cock, bunny?”

“Yes, daddy, yes I love it so much, please more!”

And then he really puts you to work.

He's slamming you down onto him as hard as he can. Your heady arousal is absolutely soaking him. It's so filthy and nasty and perfect and you wouldn't have it any other way.

“God, fuck. You're perfect, bunny. Touch your sweet little clit for me?”

You're so lost in pleasure you don't hear him through the haze of your arousal.

He growls into your ear, “Touch your fucking clit and make yourself cum on my cock or you’re never getting this dick again, bunny.”

You whimper out into the night sky and sluggishly move your hand to your poor, throbbing clit.

You press your finger gently onto it before matching suna’s rough pace.

“God, how can you get any fucking tighter. Its like fucking a virgin, at this point.”

Which makes you rub your clit faster, “Daddy, daddy, please m so close, wanna cum all over your pretty cock!”

He wraps a pretty hand around your throat and demands, “Cum, bunny.”

You cum so hard you see white.

You're moaning and he shoves his tongue into your mouth.

Your cunt is fluttering around his so fucking deliciously he cant help but slam you down one last time and fill your guts with his semen.

You're still shaking in his arms from your orgasm and he just holds you and kisses you through it until you finally relax.

You blink up at him, trying to get some clarity in your eyes.

“Either you're an angel, or you're sent straight from hell. How can the best fuck of my life be at some shitty college party?” You ask him. And then it hits you.

“OH MY GOD, Suna! Why did you let us fuck at some shitty college party?!”

He laughs loudly at you.

“Bunny, you asked. I delivered. Shouldn't you be thanking me?”

“Oh, yes. Thank you so much, Suna-sama, for defiling me at a nasty frat party!”

“Baby,” he smiles mischievously, “anything for you.”

You're laughing into his skin when all of a sudden someone is throwing a towel? at your head.

“Hey, what the fuck-”

You turn to look at the offending fucker and you just see a blushy Tadashi and smirking Kei.

“Kei! Tadashi!” And then you remember Suna’s softening cock is still inside you.

“I cannot believe you nasty fucks couldn't wait until you were at someone’s house. Outside of a party. You're kidding.”

“Shut the fuck up, Kei. Mind your business!”

Suna pulls you protectively to his chest.

Kei laughs at him and rolls his eyes, “Relax lover boy, Tadashi is all the ass I need.”

Tadashi turns into an even blushier mess and hisses at him, “Kei! You don't have to be so lewd!”

They're turning to leave when Kei graces you with a parting gift.

“Good job, Y/n. It only took you 4 years to talk to your crush.”

Fuck. You're going to murder him in his sleep. You know where he lives. You have his key.

“What does that mean, bunny?”

You groan into his chest; you were hoping to avoid this topic forever if you could.

“Ughhhhh, I saw you when you played against Karasuno at nationals and I've just kind of had a crush on you since then,” you say really fast hoping he'll drop it.

Unfortunately, he does not drop it. 

“Well, I guess I have a lot of time to make up for then, don't I, sweet bunny?”

Your heart flutters and you place a heart stopping kiss to his soft lips.

“Can we go now?”

You laugh and yeah. You guess you’re kind of glad you came to this stupid frat party and had a class with Suna Rintaro.

[delicioussshame]

In the never ending series of “things that aren’t wips because I can’t, I have to finish something before starting something else”, have this thing I posted as a wip before, featuring a version of PIDW where LBH collected his harem... differently, with guest star NYY.

Luo Binghe immediately recognises the man dressed in cultivator garb as Yingying’s shizun.

Beautiful and serene, she said. The perfect image of an untouchable immortal, dressed in white and pale greens. Always holding a fan of exquisite manufacture.

But more than her vivid descriptions of her shizun’s loveliness, he remembers what she said next.

She’d been lying on her side, her long cascading hair not managing to hide her luscious curves.

Luo Binghe had known she wouldn’t be ready for another round just yet, and so had been pleased to listen to her lighthearted pillow talk.

Today’s topic had been her exasperation with her shizun’s lack of sex life.

“Sometimes I can’t believe how obtuse he is. Liu-shishu has been courting him for years, and I don’t think he ever noticed. And don’t get me started on the sect master! All Shizun would have to do is bat his eyelashes and the sect master would drop everything to worship him! But no, he never takes him on it. For a while I thought maybe Shizun just preferred women, but more than one female disciple has tried her hand at him, all to no avail.”

Luo Binghe could imagine the type. Cultivators could be lofty. They think they’re above the needs of the flesh.

He always enjoys teaching them how wrong they are.

If the demonic part of his heritage revels in desecrating those pompous righteous cultivators, no one else could tell. Luo Binghe was too good at his chosen hobby to let his personal feelings interfere.

“I love and respect Shizun more than anyone. Without him, I would never have become the kind of cultivator who can afford A-Luo’s company. So I am motivated by filial piety and nothing else when I say that I have never met anyone who needs to get laid more than Shen Qingqiu.”

Luo Binghe had laughed. “Oh? Is Yingying going to replace me with her old teacher?”

Her scandalised look had sent him into another bout of laughter. “A-Luo! I would never!”

“Then why is she telling me this? Does she want me to take care of him?”

Ning Yingying had stared at him, a glint in her eyes. Luo Binghe could see the plans form in her head as she spoke. “Actually, that wouldn’t be a bad idea. It would do wonders for Shizun, and I know A-Luo loves breaking people like him.”

Luo Binghe had blinked, inwardly caught off-guard. He wasn’t blind. He knew Ning Yingying was a lot more observant than she appeared. It wasn’t the first time she had made that kind of comment. “Yingying knows me so well. Should I be worried?”

She had swapped at him. He could have easily evaded the blow, but he didn’t bother. “A-Luo doesn’t have anything to fear from me. But honestly, if I sent Shizun your way, would you take care of him? I really think he could benefit from it. And Shizun is very beautiful! Many will definitely be jealous if they ever find out.”

Luo Binghe had nothing against the idea of taking a peak lord to bed. He bet Xin Mo would love to feed on such high-quality cultivation. “I would be honored to entertain your teacher.”

He could tell from the way she had brightened he was about to be thoroughly thanked.

She had paid him too, both for herself and for her shizun’s future visit. Generously enough that Luo Binghe had wondered if he should praise her filial piety to her shizun.

She didn’t lie either. Shen Qingqiu really is exquisite.

Not as handsome as Luo Binghe himself, but nobody is. “You must be Shen Qingqiu.”

“Luo Binghe, I presume.” Luo Binghe cannot quite decipher the look he’s being given, which is rare enough to catch his attention. He’s pretty certain there’s some attraction there, but the rest? Trepidation? Outright fear? Disdain? Excitement?

He’s sure he’s going to find out. He gestures for Shen Qingqiu to sit down as he moves to prepare tea. He could have one of his servants handle it, but Luo Binghe has always preferred taking care of things himself. That personal touch has seduced more than one client, if they didn’t visit him only for his food.

Shen Qingqiu drinks the offered tea in silence before he starts talking. “If you would please tell me your fee, I will be refunding Ning Yingying a corresponding amount. I am sorry for wasting your time, but I have no interest in procuring your services.”

Ooh, that’s cute. If Luo Binghe wasn’t an expert at perceiving the signs of physical attraction, he might even believe him. Shen Qingqiu is interested, he’s sure of it. He’s just a prude, like Yingying said. “Yingying won’t accept it. Why refuse her most thoughtful gift?”

“My disciple should put her money to better uses.”

“I assure you, employing me is money well spent. You could find that out yourself.”

Luo Binghe bites back his amusement as the man stumbles, obviously embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to imply you weren’t… a credit to your profession. Please don’t take it personally. As I said, I have no interest in finding out myself.”

“But how will it look if you were to leave without finding out? My reputation will be hurt.”

“How could something this insignificant hurt the reputation of such a famous courtesan?”

Luo Binghe grins. “So even renowned cultivators have heard of me? Nothing bad, I hope?” And where did an isolated scholar like him caught wind of such lowbrow rumours, huh?

The sigh he’s answered with does not cloak a hint of amusement. “How many of the sect’s disciples have you seduced? You even managed to steal away Liu-shidi’s little sister, whose beauty and virtu are known across the land. Of course I have heard of you. More than I would have liked, if I am allowed to be honest.”

Ah. He should probably have expected that. Cang Qiong is full of eager young men and women. Apparently, Shen Qingqiu isn’t such a recluse that gossip doesn’t reach him. “I see. Still, you must have heard good things, or you wouldn’t have come into my parlour.”

Red is a good look on the man. Luo Binghe feels the first stirrings of desire rise into him. He just knows Shen Qingqiu would be stunning, lying despoiled on those formerly pristine robes, trying to discover what he’s begging for more of.

Not to mention he can almost hear Xin Mo purr. What a feast Shen Qingqiu will be.

Time to press on.

Luo Binghe reaches for the now empty cup of tea he’s certain Shen Qingqiu drained without tasting, making sure to caress the fingers still holding it with a touch just light enough to possibly be accidental, if one were very dumb or very blind. “Let me serve you again,” he says as he pours more tea with deliberate grace.

Instead, Shen Qingqiu rises from the table. “Don’t bother! I am obviously wasting your valuable time. If you won’t share with me how much Ning Yingying paid you, I will compensate her otherwise.”

Like Luo Binghe is letting him leave like this. “Would you have me waste the tea already prepared?”

“Drink it yourself! Surely it’s nothing compared to your usual breaches of propriety.”

Damn it. Luo Binghe miscalculated. Shen Qingqiu is too spooked to be open to further advances. Really, what a prude, to be so destabilised by a simple brush of hands.

If he can take a step back and defuse the tension enough for him not to leave… “You seem in such a hurry. Do you think I force myself on my visitors? I’m hurt.” As if he ever needed to use force to have someone.

Well, never without their consent, at least.

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t seem like he’d be into that, but then again, people can surprise you.

“I’m not scared! I just have no reason to be here any longer. Thank you for your time. I’ll be leaving my student in your care.” For a moment, there’s a glower in his eyes that Luo Binghe wouldn’t mind seeing more of. “Be good to her, or my next visit will be far less pleasant.”

Aww. Shen Qingqiu cares! How cute. “So I have to get a bit rough if I want to see you again?”

His outraged face almost makes him laugh. “Don’t you dare!”

“Or are you looking for an excuse for our paths to cross again? I assure you it’s unnecessary. I’d welcome you anytime.”

“I will keep that in mind,” says Shen Qingqiu absentmindedly, already crossing the door.

Luo Binghe lets him leave. Obviously, this will be going nowhere today.

Really, he’s offended. He cannot remember someone rejecting him so blatantly, ever. Worse, Xin Mo will be cranky. A treat was dangled in its metaphorical face, and then was cruelly taken away before it could have a taste.

He can’t let this humiliation stand.

He won’t have to. The delicate fan Shen Qingqiu came with, red spider lilies on a stark white background, is still on the table, forgotten in his haste to leave.

Luo Binghe’s customer service is impeccable. He’ll be returning the abandoned item himself.

It’s not like finding the peak lord of Qing Jing will be a challenge.

[actlikeyoudidntdoit]

ASSASSIN’S MODERN DAY PROFESSIONS

—————————————————

ALTAÏR

College Professor

-We all know that Altaïr has spent most of his life teaching, so what better job does he have than a college professor?

-He knows what he’s talking about, that much is certain, but sometimes he gets a little too lost in his lesson to realize that his students are scratching their heads. So it’s normal to have students staying after class, but they leave understanding every word of what he said.

-He’s not the fun teacher, but he’ll be able to teach you what you need and still remember it at the end of the day.

-He’s pretty lenient, and even with the obnoxious students who cause a scene, he calmly gets them to at least do their work.

-Other teachers always use him as a reference when it comes to the perfect teacher.

EZIO AUDITORE

-I can see Ezio being a public speaker since he’s not all that scared of crowds and spends a lot of time giving advice, so I think he’d really enjoy being able to help a crowd of people whose lives are falling apart

-Ezio would be the single anchor in a sea of storms because he always seems to have an answer for everything. He’s a man whose words are turned into inspirational quotes that people hang on their walls.

-When he says that things will be okay, no one doubts him since they know that he lost his father and his brothers very early on and that it took years for Ezio to accept the loss the way he had. If he could soldier through it, why couldn’t they?

-He doesn’t involve himself in politics, finding them to be a waste of time and breath despite how many people ask for his input on the political status of the country he’s staying in.

-He speaks to a lot of people in private, letting them speak their minds and giving his advice if they want it. He’s a therapist without a license, and you always feel hopeful about life leaving his office.

Connor

Construction or Sports

-This boy was designed for heavy work, and I’ve heard some good points in saying that not only would he be amazing at sports, but he’d also really enjoy it too.

-In my personal headcanon, I think he’d be a good construction worker as well. Not the high end kind that build skyscrapers or anything, but I can see him building simple houses for small communities, taking the lower jobs that can’t afford much help like the sweetheart he is. He definitely volunteers to make houses for the homeless.

-Since most of the homeless he helps don’t have much money, he makes sure to offer them baked goods because he’s definitely a baker.

Edward Kenway

-As a young man, he joins the navy

-Once he’s on his own, he buys his own boat and treats it like royalty.

-He’s not a pirate himself, but he does let less legal people on board for a price. At the time, it was just an easy cash pay since people paid good money when they were desperate.

-When he’s older and gets a grip on some of the people he’s helping (like the REALLY bad criminals) he quickly lets it go.

-Yet after seeing some of the more decent people and the places they were running from, I can see him being a sort of smuggler, but instead of smuggling drugs or weapons, he sells medicines, canned foods, and clothes to the regions where they’re scarce or hard to pay for.

-When he’s older and found a fortune over time, he starts up his own official charity, hiring various sailers to sail supplies to more places than he himself could alone.

SHAY CORMAC

-Okay, I have to say it. Shay would DEFINITELY be an FBI spy. Maybe I haven’t thought of it as heavily as I could, but he just strikes me as a man who could kill someone in plain sight and still not be seen.

-He already knows everything he can about infiltrating and getting vital information

-He knows exactly how to manipulate people to get what he wants.

-He’s like Macgyver but as an agent.

-He does things that make sleeping at night impossible, but he tells himself that every long night for him is another person somewhere else having a peaceful night, and peaceful nights means he’s doing his job. Right?

-Constantly questions his morals, but he can’t bring himself to stop, not knowing that he’d do if he stopped, because at least here he’s doing something. He’s contributing.

-That and maybe I might or might not want to see Shay in a suit 🤷‍♀️

AVELINE

-Actress. And a damn good one. She’s one of the kind of people who get paid millions each job and gives most of her cash on people who really need it. Not only that, she’s a fan favorite everywhere.

-She takes extra jobs in smaller businesses barely staying afloat, and public morality boosts has nothing to do with it. In fact, she keeps her fame life out of everything, choosing to see it just as another job.

-I can see her sharing similarities of Zendaya or Zoe Zaldana

ARNO DORIAN

-High school teacher or actor, I can’t decide.

-Because let’s be honest, this guys brain is more wrinkled than a raisin. He knows his stuff.

-He’s good at simplifying what he’s saying, and that happens to be a very useful trait when it comes to teaching.

-If he was a teacher, he’d be a damn good one, that’s for sure. No one will fail his class because he’s so good at explaining things, and he’d be the one who actually cares for his students.

-When it comes to acting... just admit that Arno’s a theater boy through and through. If you need proof, he’s the only one with a crazy amount of fancy robes and colors. FOR GODS SAKE HE OWNS A THEATER! So on modern day, I could totally see him as an actor as well.

-He’d be the Ewan Mcgregor of the modern day, because everyone recognizes him from SOMEWHERE because he’s really tested his acting ability on multiple various roles. Well read, charming, and level headed, he’d totally rock being an actor. He’s good friends with Aveline, and when they both have time in their busy schedules, they stop by for coffee and fill each other in on their life.

JACOB

-Boxing

-I saw the photoshops of Jacob in boxer life, and I have not been the same because oh my god that is amazing.

-but absolutely he’d be a boxer. He’s the shortest guy in the entire match, but he doesn’t need a stool to knock you on your ass before you can laugh about it.

-His opponents are lucky shattering bones is against the rules because he knows how to make someone wish their dad wore a condom.

-A lot of people think that his rounds must be rigged, and his sister had to physically hold him back every time Jacob threatened to give him a close up of how ‘rigged’ his fights were.

-Jacobs a powder keg, so it doesn’t take much to make him explode, and a lot of the less respectful people he has to fight picks particularly sore spots to do just that.

-He might be pissed, but his punch isn’t the only thing that stings. He knows exactly what words to use, and when they’ve gone too far, he doesn’t hold back.

-Might have a temper, but he has a good heart despite it all. He visits schools and completely turns his personality around with kids. He signs autographs, takes pictures, and makes sure that every one of them have a fun day because he knows that there’s some kids in this school that don’t have those kinds of days. He pays the school for field days each time, making sure they all get out. They bring out the scooters, parachutes, capture the flag, and ‘wrestling’ matches for the kids who want to face him. He loses every time. He never has a bigger smile on his face than when he has children fans walk up to him.

EVIE

-She is totally a lawyer and you can’t change my mind.

-Logic and Facts are her strongest weapons, and so far she has yet to lose a debate.

-Every other lawyer knows that seeing Evie walk into court is an instant death sentence, because like her brother, her words are sharp as a knife and her mind is even sharper.

-If they didn’t look identical, no one would believe that she would be related with Jacob the hot headed boxer, because she was level as water and was near impossible to make angry, but god help the poor sod that presses her.

-Her clients almost always get the best case scenario with Evie by their side by how good she is.

-Also like her brother, children are her weak spot, and her hard composure melts whenever she needs to speak to a child in the witness post, making sure that the child feel comfortable unlike the others that drill the kid with questions when they’re too skittish to answer. She takes her time and gets the kid feeling safe, and gently asks their side.

-Evie might not do it as a profession, but Evie has beaten Jacob in the boxing ring in the gym. She knows damn well how to handle herself, knowing she’d need it since she’d be fighting corrupt politicians or gang members who have too often tried attempts at her life. Every time she emerged unscathed, using the attempt at even more evidence against them and insuring a spot in jail. No one dared try attacking her again after that.

BAYEK

-I’m thinking police officer or motivational speaker for trauma.

-Either way, he’s a guardian who takes care of the people he’s in charge of. He knows words well, and having been down the dark path himself, he knows exactly what people experience and what they want to hear.

-Be the change you want to see in the world, and that’s exactly what he’s doing.

-He’d be a well respected officer, and he’s not afraid of telling off a comrade if someone is wrongfully accused. He’s not very popular in the police station, but as long as he’s doing his job, he’s satisfied.

-He’s saved several people over the course in his life, and his word is well honored since he’s on no ones side. He sees things as what they are and doesn’t twist events he disagreed with to his point of view. Even if it hurts him personally, he doesn’t lie.

-He’s divorced, but they’re still best friends with each other and visit when they can.

AYA (ran out of gifs. Sorry)

-She is hands down a self defense teacher for women

-She sells hidden self defense tools for less than ten dollars, always sure to keep constantly supply of them since many have confessed that they’ve saved them from dangerous situations.

-Like her former husband, she’s a protector and makes sure she provides her students with the best.

-She teaches children what to do if they ever get grabbed, and she’s had many parents in years thanking her when that information ended up saving their child’s life.

ALEXIOS

-Hands down he is a stunt double

- Preferably Arno’s since he relies more on flexibility than brute strength. Then there’s the fact that they look similar enough in features

-He does the moves that would probably be safer if they were just CGI, but he hates those computers with a passion, preferring to do the real thing instead of giving out something fake. He’s broken more bones than he can count, and the companies he works with always have a medic on standby when something goes wrong.

-They tried convincing him that they only needed him for a few spots, but after realizing that he wanted this (and him assuring them that he doesn’t bother with suing), they let him do his thing. The results are fruitful since the most nitpicky movie fans are absolutely thrilled when there’s a particular move done right.

-He teaches Arno a good few things about how to do action scenes, and they’re definitely good friends.

KASSANDRA

-Roller Derby

-She lives for throwing people and smacking them without being judged for it, so the Derby’s her safe spot.

-Everyone on the opposing team is terrified of her, always scared when they see her devilish smile, knowing that they’re about to get their asses handed to them. Like her brother, she’s an adrenaline junky, and when she’s not doing the derby, she’s going off into car races in a water trench. She’s surprisingly very good with cars too, knowing the inside and out of a car like the back of her hand.

-She loves it when men try to catcall her. It gives her a perfect opportunity to punch them in the face.

-She loves the races themselves because no one expects it. Sometimes she pretends to act like a beginner and absolutely slaughter them, giving them a nice wink before driving out with her cash.

-Only has a soft spot for the girl who visits her on weekends. She’s practically her older sister, and there will be hell to pay if her favorite kid gets hurt in any way.

EIVOR

-BACA(Bikers Against Child Abuse)

-The moment I saw this, I instantly thought about them.

-they would absolutely be a part of this

-Looking all badass in leather while turning into a softie for children? That’s Eivors entire character right there.

-Eivors not afraid to get physical with an abuser. They’d beat the abuser to a pulp and right after take the child out for ice cream.

-No one messes with Eivor, knowing that their lenience was stretched only for children. Anyone else tried to pressure her? Your teeth would be shattered and they’d wear the bits for a necklace.

-Children are much more brave around them because they’re tougher than their parent and on their side, so they’re not afraid to give them to the police

[campyvillain]

ok i mentioned earlier that i wanted to make a fnaf au that sort of does it’s own thing and is it’s own beast entirely so I spent a few hours writing a few things down and here are the basic plot elements nd stuff!! fair warning tho it is REALLY long so that’s why the readmore is there

you play as a 2nd year college student whose on vacation with 6-7 of your friends who all go to different schools. ur all on vacation in ur small hometown around the midwest region of the us, none of the friends except for one is rlly worth noting (bc i’ve yet to rlly flesh them out)

it takes place in the modern era, around summertime, and right near the end of everyones vacation.

the one friend of note I mentioned is a guy called Lester Smith! He’s really into electronics and his dream job is to become something akin to an imagineer . you and him go way back but not in the good way. You used to bully him a lot in middle-high school for being the “weird kid” and ultimately fucked up his dreams. This is because at the end of senior year, there was a robotics competition you both partook in, both in different teams, and the reward for the winning team was a fully paid scholarship for the most prestigious stem school in the state. Lester would’ve won, but the only reason he didn’t is because YOU broke into his garage late at night and tampered w his robot so that it would fail and make him seem like he was inept at programming. That’s what happened, and YOU won the scholarship instead. This was a massive blow to Lesters hopes as his parents weren’t able to pay for a proper college for him and his grades in other areas weren’t that good so he just goes to a community college now. since then you and him have became friends as he mostly seems to be on good terms w it and doesn’t SEEM to be onto you for what you did to him. you two like to talk about animatronics a lot and it’s apparent that he’s probably way smarter than you and that he probably deserved that scholarship way more than you do.

also none of your friends are accquantinced with Lester, you only just introduced them to him over break, and they seem to be getting along well. For now

thankfully for Lester his luck has turned around, he’s been showcasing these new entertainment animatronics he’s worked years on to multiple restaurant chains but they’ve all wanted nothing to do with his project because of Lester’s lack of any sort of resume etc. it all seemed doomed to fail until this local restaurant called Freddy’s (which genuinely is not affiliated with the Freddy Fazbear company because....the Fazbear company does not exist in this universe!!! it ditches the canon ALTOGETHER. the place the plot takes place in is just called Freddy’s for continuity purposes and to keep the name of the franchise) humored his offer and took him up on it. probably because the company is losing money each day and is likely only doing this so it can bring customers in and not be bankrupt

OH YEAH ALSO Freddy’s is given the funding to go thru with the animatronics initiative from an anonymous angel investor which has also allowed them to expand it and be relatively financially well off and has allowed Lester to make more animatronics and expand the place! so that’s fun

the hypothetical game takes place thruout the week-long testing period for the animatronic prototypes and the restaurants renovations are nearly done and they also need extra night guards to make sure everything goes smoothly. so you and your friends all decide to pool in and help Lester with the testing week by all becoming night guards and working together at the same time since it’s your last week together and you have nothing else to really do plus you could use the extra money but YAY!!!! FRIEND MOMENCE

Throughout the hypothetical game Lester who is also a nightguard serves as your phone guy stand-in. He calls every night to chat with you and the others, telling you about tips and tricks to make sure the animatronics work as intended, goofing off with you, infodumping about his cool robots, being a pretty neat dude and having fun. it’s so cool.

as mentioned before it ditches the series standard 5 canonical night format and goes with a full week of 7 canonical nights instead. the first night is relatively tame but as it goes on the other nightguards (who are your friends) start disappearing one by one....aka they’re being KILLED by the animatronics. you can’t really know this is happening at first because all your friends have made it clear they have to go back home on different days, and your friends disappear on the days they’re set to leave home so nothing seems amiss at first because you, and everyone else who’s still left, just thinks they headed back home like they said they would, which Lester assures you is what’s going on. but eventually in the last 2 nights you and Lester are the only ones left and it becomes apparent that your friends, or rather what remains of them, never got out at all.

remember how i said that Lester serves as the phone guy stand in and how he helped you with the animatronics? turns out a lot of the advice he fed you through calls actually ended up aiding him in killing all your friends, and technically you’re sort of to blame for why they’re not around. 50% of the advice he’s given you ends up hurting your friends and making the animatronics go after them.

plot twist! Lester is fully aware that you ruined his life at that robotics competition and as soon as he got home from it he could tell that someone, specifically you, tampered with his robot, and has been planning to brutally get back at you for years and is incredibly jealous and spiteful toward you for obvious and... pretty justifiable reasons, all things considered

on the 7th night Lester locks both you and himself in Freddy’s with no way for either of you to escape. he’s then killed by one of the animatronics and that animatronic, now possessed with his soul and with his consciousness stored inside, chases after you and tries to kill you. this is along with the other animatronics, who are now all haunted by your dead besties who died on the previous nights, partially controlled by Lester and enraged that you let them die. you spend the rest of the night evading them, but in the last few hours they all combine together into a single animatronic who is entirely controlled by Lester and goes after you even MORE and the difficulty ofc ramps up to 100.

the only way to beat the night is by going into the secret storage room and grabbing all the fireworks that you and your friends were going to set off on your last night together as a group on break - which is like, a lot of fireworks - but had to cancel due to bad weather (which was the 2nd night of the game, right around when ppl were disappearing) and luring the Mega monster animatronic to it and setting it off, destroying Freddy’s and everything in it. wether ur player character also dies in this explosion is up to ur interpretation and their fate is left ambiguous as the Newspaper Article(tm) published after night 7 states that you simply “disappeared” and doesn’t elaborate on if ur alive or not.

so yeah!!! that’s the basic plot and backstory of my fnaf au. i’ve always thought it would be really cool if there was a fnaf game based off the slasher genre (w Lester being the slasher-type villain here), that concept has always worked rlly well in my mind nd i gotta say i’m having SO much fun workshopping it. i’ll get to designing the characters and the animatronics REAL soon and i’m definitely gonna have a ball w those aspects. i’ll also probably find a name for it other than “MY FUNNY FNAF AU” so that’s cool. ok i’m done rambling im so excited to flesh this out byeeee ^^

[writersmorgue]

I'm in a nightmare but I didn't fall asleep

TW: noncon, vague description of said noncon, kidnapping, non-consensual oral sex

17+ to interact

“That’s TWO out of three sports festivals you lost, Shouto. I’m beyond disappointed in you.” Endeavor’s booming voice leaves nothing to the imagination as it echoes across the barren stadium halls.

Well, almost barren.

Sero cringes from his hiding place behind the nearest wall, making eye contact with Bakugo next to him whose brows are furrowed in concentration.

“You know what, I’m fucking done. You’re going to give me one thing, and it’s going to be the future number one hero. A hero who will beat All Might, something you will NEVER do. My faith in you has been destroyed. I’ll tell them to retrieve you on Friday.”

Shouto makes a choked noise, and the two boys look at each other in confusion.

“Father please, you don’t mean-”

“I absolutely do. I gave you three chances Shouto! You’ve wasted my time and money, and now you’re going to be used like the useless bitch you are. Only serving me one purpose.”

“Please I can do better! Please don’t take me I promise I’ll make it worth your resources- AGH!” There’s a strangled shout as Endeavor grabs his daughter’s long ponytail in his flaming fist, charring the white hair

“You will do no such thing, and don’t even try escaping, I’ll hire more men if I have to. You will be useful.” There’s a scraping sound as Shouto drags her feet as she’s pulled away.

A shrill scream lets out, quickly cut off as Endeavor’s scorching palm slams over his daughter’s mouth with a sharp shut up.

Sero turns to Bakugo, gulping, as he raises a pointed thumb towards the exiting duo, “Uh, that didn’t sound good.”

Bakugo purses his lips, “No, it did not.”

-

Endeavor shoves Shouto into the van head first and she tumbles in, careful to mind the several men surrounding her as she skids to a stop.

“I don’t care how you go about this, you’re all suitable donors. Get her pregnant in a timely manner. Do what you want with her when the baby is born.”

Shouto whimpers as the door is slammed shut, locking her in complete darkness with a group of unfamiliar voices as they discuss who gets to fuck her first.

Her right ankle is grabbed as the van begins to move, the first man growls as she tries to pull away, and his grip tightens.

She screams, hoping someone will hear her. Her mouth burns from her father’s hand.

“NO!!! LET GO! I DON’T WANT IT!” The sound of zippers undoing around her head is what finally sets her off.

Her flame erupts, burning half of her competition shirt, save for her specially made sports bra, and singes the second-place medal strap around her neck. The disc clanks on the metal floor and the men around her shout with frustration.

“He said we could do what we want-” One of them grunts, patting some embers off of his shirt, “Someone subdue the bitch.”

Her head is slammed down onto the metal floor, and she fades away.

-

“Did-” Sero’s voice cracks, and he doesn’t continue.

“Yup.” Bakugo nods, explosions popping behind him as they sprint towards the speeding van, “He just facilitated the rape of a fucking minor.”

“A MINOR!?” Sero screeches, fumbling his tape as it catches on a tree branch, launching him forward “That’s not just a fucking minor, Katsuki, that’s our fucking FRIEND.”

“SHUT UP!!” Bakugo yells right back, “I’m sort of busy trying to save her ass. Obviously, since that van isn’t a puddle she can’t get out on her own. Probably quirk proof or some shit, knowing the asshole.”

“I’m calling Aizawa.” Sero reaches one hand back to his pocket to get his phone.

Bakugo grunts something that sounds like an affirmation.

A few moments later Aizawa’s gruff voice is asking who the hell is calling him at this hour.

“Aizawa-sensei!!”

“What, Sero.”

“So um, Todoroki! She, um, her dad!!-”

Bakugo growls and snatches the phone, blasting himself with just his left arm. Sero would be impressed if he wasn’t screaming internally as the van takes a sharp left, causing them to slow.

“IcyHot has been kidnapped by her dad.”

“Bakugo, I’m pretty sure that’s called having a child legally, give Sero his pho-”

“No you don’t fucking understand!!” Bakugo shouts, “We watched him drag her away and shove her in a fucking van with a bunch of assholes. He told them to rape her Aizawa. She’s been fucking kidnapped.”

“I- you’re joking.” Aizawa’s slight increase in background noise indicates he’s finally taking action, but the goddamn attitude sets Bakugo the fuck off.

“WHY WOULD I JOKE ABOUT THIS YOU OLD BASTARD!!”

“No, you’re right, sorry. I’m getting Nedzu and sending Midoriya your way.”

“NOT FUCKING DEKU”

“Bakugo Katsuki you will shut up and help your classmate with whoever I send to you or you will be expelled.”

“FUCKIN’- whatever old man. We’re just passing the corner store.”

He shuts the phone off before throwing it carelessly at Sero.

“Bakugo!!” Sero whines as he misses the catch and watches his phone shatter on the pavement.

“Not my fault you can’t catch.” Bakugo retorts, speeding up and launching himself at the van.

Sero follows close behind.

They hear a rhythmic thumping from the inside, Bakugo pales.

“Fuck I think they’re-”

“All the more reason we should blow this fucking van open!” Sero shouts into the wind, shooting tape onto the door handle and yanking the entire thing off.

He pulls the nearest guy out by his leg and throws him onto the median.

“C’mon dipshits!! Quit-”

All fight drains out of him, instead replaced with blinding fury, when he sees Shouto.

Practice uniform already torn to shreds, she’s bleeding profusely from somewhere on her head right onto the cold metal floor of the moving van. Surrounded by several other grown-ass men, all staring at Bakugo like deer in headlights, she’s knocked out cold at their feet.

“You bASTARDS!!” He screeches, storming into the van and grabbing Shouto’s limp body into his arms, thankfully her pants seem to be relatively unharmed, it’s the glistening by her slack mouth that has Katsuki concerned.

The men seem to be too shocked to retaliate, but one of them stands, seeming to prepare some sort of excuse. Sero is faster.

Hanta whips through the vehicle, grabbing both Katsuki and Shouto with his tape, flipping the van onto its side in the process, and carrying all three of them out the other door.

The human scum scatter onto the pavement as the students roll, relatively unharmed, into a parking lot. It’s somewhere in those few seconds when Aizawa arrives, followed by a somewhat feral Midoriya.

“Where’s Shouto,” He picks one of the men up by their collar, throwing him violently back onto the asphalt when he sees his three friends laying in a heap a couple dozen yards away.

“SHOUTO!” He calls, practically teleporting to their location and digging through Katsuki and Sero to reach her.

“Jeez we’re fine too, Deku, thanks for wondering.”

Izuku rolls his eyes, pulling Shouto’s limp body into his arms, “Is she- what happened?”

Sero starts nervously explaining, wringing his hands as he looks back and forth between Shouto’s unconscious form and Izuku’s increasingly rage-filled eyes.

He WHAT?!” Green lightning crackles over his skin, stopped abruptly with a firm hand from Aizawa on his shoulder.

Aizawa walks over and crouches, pulling a swab out of his scarf, “Had Momo make me one,” He grunts at Sero’s confused expression.

He sighs, reaching over to Shouto’s face and swiping it around her lips, “Unfortunately I figured we’d need it.” He tucks it into a plastic bag and stuffs both into his suit pocket.

Katsuki huffs, an unreadable expression fixed on his face as he stares down at the girl.

“They got her pretty good,” He reaches a hand out and tucks a strand of hair over, so Aizawa can get a look at her head injury, “probably tried to put up a fight.”

The teacher nods, “and you heard her father approve this- kidnapping?”

“Yes sir,” Sero speaks up, and Midoriya growls.

“I fuckin’ knew he was bad news,” Katsuki scoffs, “always draggin’ her around and shit. Probably paid for them to fuck her up too. Said he wanted her knocked up.”

“He,” Sero’s voice is strained, “he said she was a disappointment that he was giving up on her. She knows that’s not true- right?”

Aizawa hums, pulling out a bandage to wrap Shouto’s head, “well you’ll just have to show her.”

The boys make eye contact, and Izuku pulls her closer.

“Yeah,” Katsuki agrees, “we will.”

-

Shouto wakes up screaming, clawing at her face as blood begins to seep down her cheeks.

“Todoroki wait!!! Todoroki you’re okay! They’re gone!

Hands pry her bloodied nails away and her energy is sucked away as a kiss is pressed to her cheek.

“You kids I swear, never a dull moment.” Recovery girl tuts.

She passes out again.

-

The next time is much calmer, warm light pools around her eyelids and she cracks them open, reaching a hand up to rub the sleep out of them. But in doing so she jostles the hand that had been resting on her own.

“Todoroki?” Sero whispers, raising his head up slowly, eyes widening, “Todoroki!!”

He lunges forward, encasing Shouto in a bear hug.

“Oi, hands off, she’s in a hospital bed for fuck’s sake tape face.”

“Right,” Sero smiles sheepishly, pulling back, “right sorry.

“It’s okay,” Shouto admits, because she really has no idea why there’s any need to be careful, “I’m fine.”

“Oh?” Katsuki’s raised eyebrows suggest she said something wrong, “You call a nasty concussion and almost clawing your own eyes out fucking fine? Guess we have different definitions of the word.”

Shouto frowns, “I don’t remember that last bit.”

Her head hurts slightly, but she feels like she would remember something like that even through a concussion.

She tracks her memory back to before, but she can’t quite seem to remember-

The van, the men, the smell, the sound as he shoved his-

“Shouto?”

She snaps her head up, “Huh?”

“Sorry, you were quiet for a bit,” Midoriya rests a hand on her blanketed leg and rubs it back and forth, “god nervous. You alright?”

They’re all staring at her now.

“Does he know I’m here?”

All three sets of eyes darken, but it’s Midoriya who speaks up.

“He doesn’t matter. Aizawa has custody of you as of now. Your pitiful excuse for a sperm donor has been taken into police custody for aiding in the rape and kidnapping of a minor.”

Shouto gets a distant look in her eye, “Oh” is all she says.

“They didn’t get that far,” Sero gestures to her bandaged torso, where one of the men had tried to take off her uniform pants.

“But they still-” She begins, suddenly nauseous.

“Yeah, they did. And that bastard has been taken into custody just like the rest of em’, he’s not getting out for awhile, especially since the DNA samples matched.” Bakugo informs her.

“Oh,” Shouto hums absently, “there were samples.”

“Shouto, you with us?” Midroriya squeezes her ankle gently, but she doesn’t respond, “Everything’s gonna be alright now. You can rest.”

And she does.

[milkybonya]

Can you make a best friends to lovers with Jinhwan?

[a/n]: this is one of my favourite concepts and i ended up combining it with Swimmer!Jinhwan and this became a big 3.1k word mess but i hope you enjoy~ i’m sorry for the long wait :(

HOODIE - Swimmer!Jinhwan

Warnings: food mentions

Summary: Meeting Swimmer!Jinhwan in high school after he transfers and becoming his coach leads to a friendship that lasts even after the two of you go to different universities. But when he transfers once again, things continue to change for the better

It was a regular school day and you were rubbing the sleep out of your eyes when you noticed an unfamiliar figure standing at the front of the room. He had a gentle appearance and you couldn’t help but notice the mole under his eye. It was cute...

He was a new kid. A transfer from… some place that you didn’t quite catch because it was 8am and you were tired.

By some cliché, the only free seat was the one next to you. So the boy, whose name you then learned was Jinhwan, took the seat. 

Though it was awkward at first, you would soon be almost forced to know him. You, after all, spent every weekday evening working for the coach of the swim team. It was your job to time the athletes and give them warm-ups when the coach was busy.

And Jinhwan, after all, would soon become your school’s best swimmer.

A week after you first met him, he showed up at swimming practice for the first time. Confused, you still said hello before walking over to your usual spot by the pool. The coach called you over though, and you had to walk back.

“[y/n!] This is Jinhwan. He’ll be joining us from now on,” your coach said. You were in awe. Your coach, normally strict, was letting a new athlete join without trying out?

“His records are quite outstanding. Time him to make sure I haven’t been lied to and come show me the result.”

Jinhwan followed you to the lane furthest back in the pool and awkwardly eyed you, awaiting instructions. 

“There’s no diving blocks here, so you’ll have to dive without it. The time starts as soon as I say go. Are you ready?”

You didn’t care how good this transfer student was. You were getting paid for your job, so you weren’t about to mess around.

“Yes!” he said, with determination. His diving stance looked good despite there being no diving blocks.

“Go!”

He swiftly dove in. Smooth, no belly-flopping. Dolphin kick for a good amount before he surfaced and began his stroke. You were timing him for a 50m sprint and by the looks of how fast he was already swimming back, it really did seem as though he would be setting a record time.

“27 seconds!” you shouted as soon as his hand met the wall.

He lifted his head out of the water, his hair dripping the liquid onto his goggles. As he pushed his goggles off, his hair was swept back, revealing a smooth forehead.

Why was your heart-

“Pretty good, right?” he asked you, grinning. You sighed. This was not proper athlete attitude.

“Yeah. Now get out so we can go talk to the coach.”

Still smiling from ear to ear, he quickly hopped out and joined you in walking towards the coach who was watching the rest of the athletes warm up.

“Sir, he swam the 50m in 27 seconds!” you announced, passing him the timer.

“Well I wasn’t there to see it, but I know I can trust you,” the coach said, quickly checking the timer in yours hands.

“This is really something… How are you at long distance?” he asked Jinhwan.

“I can do it all,” Jinhwan said, spreading his arms and looking up to the ceiling.

When you scoffed, the coach glared at you. He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms.

“I think you’re gonna be really important for this team, Jinhwan. This is where [y/n] will be especially helpful! They do a great job at coaching the athletes when I’m not around, so how about they coach you one-on-one? There are some athletes who really need me to be there for them.”

Jinhwan was still smiling, though his smile grew smaller when he noticed your shocked expression.

“But coach, I-”

“If you’re going to tell me you’re not sure if you can do this, then I’m not having any of it. You’ve been helping me out long enough. I’ll make sure to pay you extra, okay?”

“It’s not that, I just don’t know if I can coach someone like him,” you said, eyeing Jinhwan. “He’s… too good. He needs a better coach.”

“I’m fine with [y/n],” Jinhwan said.

“There we go. See? All sorted! Now get going.”

Defeated, you walked back to the last lane of the pool, Jinhwan following behind. You sat down on the pool floor and got your pants wet, but you were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t notice.

“Do you have any pants to change into?” Jinhwan asked, still standing in front of you.

“Huh?”

“Cause you’ve completely ruined the ones you’re wearing now.”

You gasped as you realized that you just wettened your precious school uniform pants! Well, not precious, but definitely expensive.

Okay, [y/n], let’s focus. You can do this.

“Let’s worry about my pants later,” you said, standing up. “Jinhwan, get in the pool and give me 10 laps of front crawl. Take it easy.”

As he set off, you paid attention to when his strokes would get sloppy, but they just didn’t. Even after a long ten laps, his strokes were clean and smooth. He wasn’t taking too many breaths and finished with power.

“Feeling tired?” you asked him.

His cheeks were red and he was panting slightly, but he shook his head. You still grabbed his water bottle for him and passed it to him.

“Tired or not, you should still drink your water. After that, give me ten back stroke, then ten breast stroke. Do you have a stronger stroke?”

Putting his water bottle on the pool ledge, Jinhwan wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I’m good at them all, but I’d say my breast is pretty killer,” he says. You chuckle, understanding what he means but still finding the way he said it quite funny.

You do have quite a nice chest....

“Okay, I’ll pay attention to it, then. Off you go.”

You were surprised by his control over his energy. He didn’t seem to be getting tired, even on his last lap. And he was right about the breast stroke: though it’s a slower stroke, he seemed to have a uniquely fast speed.

You made note of this in a notebook where you stored important info on the athletes like their times, strengths and weaknesses.

“You know, the coach was right about you,” Jinhwan says, having finished his last lap. You didn’t notice he was already done, so you jumped up slightly in shock.

“You really are capable of coaching me. You’re even keeping track of the stuff I’m doing.”

Feeling a bit embarrassed because of his compliments, you fought back.

“How do you know I’m not writing in my diary?”

“Diary? While you’re working as a coach? No way,” Jinhwan said, dunking his goggles into the pool to clean them.

After watching his dives and turns, you ended practice for the day and packed your things to leave. Just as you were about to go, someone tapped you on the shoulder.

It was Jinhwan holding a pair of sweatpants.

“Your pants are still wet and it’s cold outside. Bring extras tomorrow, okay?” he said, handing the pants to you before walking off.

They look so warm… you’re thankful that he gave them to you.

Okay, Jinhwan. Maybe we can be friends.

-

Despite finding him attractive and quite frankly developing more of a crush on him over time, that’s how your friendship with Jinhwan began. Everyday, you’d sit next to him in class and every evening, you’d coach him in swimming practice. You practically saw him 24/7, minus the weekends, but even then, Jinhwan would ask you to help with extra practice as swim meets approached.

Of course, he just wanted to use it as an excuse to hang out with you more, but you didn’t know that.

The two of you were inseparable from that point on, always seen hanging out together. But when the time came to apply to university, the two of you had to head on different paths, moving to different cities.

But you didn’t let that stop you from being friends.

“Do you have your food with you?” you asked Jinhwan one Friday evening. He nodded through your phone screen and held up a bowl of food on his end.

Every other Friday, you would video call and share a meal. Jinhwan often joked about how you were acting like a long-distance couple, but every time it made your heart pound.

“So how are things for you? Got a lot of friends?” Jinhwan asked, starting to eat.

“I’ve been trying to make friends, but it’s a little hard. This is cheesy but I don’t think I can find any friends like you,” you said, looking down to hide from your own embarrassment. You could hear Jinhwan chuckling on the other end and when you looked up, his eyes were shut tightly from how wide his smile was, pushing his cheeks up.

“I feel kind of nice hearing that, though,” he said, tilting his head to one side.

When you asked him if he had made any friends, he told you that he had met a few people and they were living in a house together now.

“The residences here were just terrible. My roommate got so drunk, he punched a hole in the ceiling! It was funny, but I got in trouble for it just because I didn’t stop him. So anyway-”

There were some loud yelling noises that blocked out Jinhwan’s voice, and he turned around in his chair as the door to his room opened.

“Junhoe, leave! I told you I was going to video call [y/n] today,” Jinhwan said. This Junhoe person didn’t seem to care, though, and proudly walked into the room while only wearing his pyjama pants. He looked into the screen at you closely.

“Ah, so this is the [y/n] you’ve been telling us about? Hello, [y/n]! I’m Junhoe,” he said, grinning and waving. You waved back, glad that your friend had made some new friends of his own.

“You know, Jinhwan doesn’t ever stop talking about you. You probably know that, since he’s going to transfer to your school because of how much he-”

“SHUT UP!” Jinhwan yelled, kicking Junhoe’s leg. 

“I haven’t told them that yet!” Jinhwan whined, pushing Junhoe out of his room. Junhoe yelled goodbye and you started to process everything you had heard.

Jinhwan was transferring to your school in the middle of first term?

“Jinhwan, are you really transferring?”

He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a sigh while still smiling.

“Yeah, but that kid just ruined the whole surprise.”

“Wait, why? You’ve already made friends!”

“Actually, this might sound kind of hard to believe but I got accepted to attend your school on a swimmer’s scholarship. And my roommates are all swimmers too, who all got accepted. Your school’s swimming program is notorious!”

“Wait, what? You all got accepted?”

“Yes! There were 10 scholarships and all seven of us got one. My swimmer friends are really good, you’ll see when we get there.”

You suddenly sat upright, excited.

“Wait, when do you get here?”

“We’re coming next week! Are you a coach at the swim team there, too?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “College varsity teams are no joke. They wouldn’t want me.”

“You’re joking! If you told them that you worked for one of the best high school coaches…”

“Well, maybe if you and your friends come here, I might consider it.”

And when they all came, Jinhwan dragged you to the swimming pool to talk to the head coach who accepted you immediately because of her ties with your old coach.

“He and I were on the same team throughout high school and into college! Of course I’d accept someone who worked for him.”

Once again, your days were filled with classes and your evenings with studying. Jinhwan’s student house that he shared with his other six friends soon became your second home, and you spent more time in there than in your own dorm.

“No, NO, NO! I SWEAR YOU WERE CHEATING!” you yelled at the TV screen and then at Chanwoo, one of Jinhwan’s friends, who was next to you.

He pretended to brush off his shoulders and sent you a wink.

“No cheating, I’m just that good.”

“Can you guys stop yelling? I’m actually trying to study!” Hanbin yelled from his room upstairs.

You and Chanwoo both tried to hold in your laughter.

Jinhwan walked up to where you were sitting on the couch and sat in-between the two of you, handing you a glass of water.

“Remember to stay hydrated, [y/n]!” he told you.

“Where’s mine?” Chanwoo asked, pouting.

“Get it yourself!” Jinhwan said, taking the controller from his hands.

“Now let me play a round!” he said.

“You could literally have taken the extra controller…” Chanwoo mumbled, going to grab it himself.

“[y/n] can you tell Jinhwan to stop only acting nice to you? He only listens to you anyway!”

“Jinhwan, be nice,” you said, trying not to laugh.

“Okay,” Jinhwan sang. “Wait, [y/n] are you wearing my hoodie?”

You pressed your lips together, realizing that you were caught red-handed.

“No…”

“You’re not getting out of this easily!” Chanwoo laughed, leaving the couch and running upstairs.

“That’s definitely mine, though. I’m taking a photo as evidence,” Jinhwan said, pulling out his phone.

You wrestled to take the hoodie off, but Jinhwan managed to take a photo of you too quickly.

He giggled while staring at it.

“Delete it!” you shrieked, reaching for the phone.

“Make me,” Jinhwan said, sticking his tongue out at you and running away.

-

While you were doing land training in the gym with the swim team, you stood next to the coaches and kept an eye on everyone.

“Okay, how about we split up and go cheer them on individually? We have a few important races coming up, so let’s give them some encouragement!”

You grabbed a towel and water bottle and quickly raced your way to Jinhwan before anyone else could reach him. He was sat at a chest press machine, huffing as he struggled to do more sets.

When you held out the water and towel to him, he stopped and smiled at you gratefully, taking the towel and water from your hands.

“You always rush in at the right time,” he said, wiping his sweat before he drank some water.

“That’s what coaches are here for,” you said.

“You’re finally calling yourself a coach? Wow, I need to record this!” he said, pretending to reach for his phone which was on the ground by his foot.

As he began to do more sets, you continued to cheer him on until his phone lit up with a notification and you noticed a familiar picture on the lockscreen.

“Is that me wearing your hoodie in your lockscreen?” you asked in bewilderment.

“No,” Jinhwan said nervously, quickly picking up his phone.

“That was clearly me, let me see! Why am I on your lock screen?”

“It’s a photo of me! You’re confusing it because I’m wearing that hoodie you borrowed.”

There’s no way…

You shrugged it off since he was training, but you spent all night thinking about it. This wouldn’t do.

You got up from the couch of Jinhwan’s house and paced over to Junhoe’s room, who you thought would have some answers.

When he told you that you could come in after knocking, you found him sat at his desk.

“Junhoe, is Jinhwan’s lockscreen a photo of me wearing his hoodie?”

Junhoe turned around to face you, as if scanning your expression would give him the answer.

“There’s two ways I could answer this…” he said.

“Just give me an honest answer!”

“Jinhwan will kill me…”

“So it is me, right? Thanks, Junhoe!”

“Okay, but I never explicitly said anything so it’s your fault!” he yelled after you as you trudged towards Jinhwan’s room. Yes it was the middle of the night and he was probably sleeping, but you needed answers now.

Maybe you were jumping to conclusions but if you were his lockscreen… then that meant he liked you, right? Would friends really do this?

You stopped yourself in front of his door. Yes, of course friends could do this. You once set a photo of Jinhwan wearing this really tall hat as your lockscreen because it was funny - but you also liked him. You like him…

You took a deep breath and knocked on Jinhwan’s door. Hearing a groan, you entered and walked right up to his bed.

“Who is it?” he asked, still half asleep.

“Jinhwan I know that I’m your phone background.”

Seeing his phone beside him, you picked it up and checked: it was true. You turned the phone around to show it to him.

“No, it’s fake! Fake..” he rolled over, trying to go back to sleep.

“Jinhwan I’m not going to let you sleep until I have an answer about why I’m your lockscreen.”

His back towards you, he sighed and rubbed his eyes. Then he sat up and faced you with puffy eyes.

“[y/n], do you really need an answer?”

“Yes!” you said, sitting on the edge of his bed.

“I like you [y/n]. That’s your answer. I wanted to tell you later, not now when I’m half asleep and my face is a mess…”

You couldn’t hear anything he said after those first four words.

So it was true? So your love wasn’t one-sided? You thought you were just going to live in the friend-zone this whole time, but he really-

“[y/n]? Are you okay?” Jinhwan asked, waving his hands in front of you.

Your heart felt like it was swelling, bursting, in need of expressing its emotions. You stretched your arms out and wrapped them tightly around Jinhwan. Shocked at first, he also embraced you and rested his head in the crook of your shoulder.

“Jinhwan, I’m so relieved. Jinhwan I’ve liked you for all this time and I thought I would stay in the friend-zone for life-”

He pulled away from you, still holding onto your shoulders.

“The feeling is mutual?” He asked, grinning.

When you nodded, he got so excited that he gently brought your head down so he could kiss the top of it softly.

“[y/n] I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to move so fast I’m just-”

“No, it’s fine!”

Both of you were in such a strange, excited, heart-bursting, panicked state that you started to laugh.

[stiltonbasket]

How does Lan Wangji feel about Wei Wuxian's new title, Xinhua-jun?

The first time someone addresses him as something other than Honored Master Wei during an assembly, Wei Wuxian barely registers it.

But in his defense, he’s been up all night for a week straight, hurrying to get his irrigation talismans finished in time for the planting season, and the first batches have just been shipped off with a handful of Lan-trained shidao cultivators accompanying them to supervise.

All Wei Wuxian wanted to do was sleep, after that. It’s a wonder that he stayed awake long enough to  attend the conference at all, which is why he doesn’t realize what the petitioners from Moling called him until he takes a soak in his bathtub that night and asks Lan Zhan to rub his shoulders for a while.

“How was the assembly?” Lan Zhan asks, while Wei Wuxian raises the temperature of the bathwater until the washroom fills up with steam. The ability to take long, hot baths without harming his cultivation is the only good thing that came from losing his golden core, and Wei Wuxian made sure to bathe in heated tubs as often as he could after his resurrection; he used to envy the Jiang shimeis in his childhood, since heat only benefits cultivators with excess  yin energy, but now...

“Wei Ying?”

“Oh!” Wei Wuxian sighs and straightens his back before reaching up to pat his husband’s arm. “It was fine, I suppose. The Su cultivators presented their case, Uncle and I went through it, and then we agreed to all their demands except the one about Moling receiving a sixth of Gusu’s tax revenue.”

“A sixth?”

“They don’t have enough noble families living within their borders,” he says absently, making a small sleepy sound of approval as Lan Zhan pats the tension out of his neck. “The Lai and Xu clans relocated to Qinghe last year, and the Liao family—you remember that clan whose little mistress proposed marriage to Jingyi this spring?— they moved to Laoling the year before that, and they all paid enough taxes to keep the Su clan comfortable.”

Lan Zhan’s hands withdraw from his neck and reappear in his hair a moment later, covered in the sweet-smelling hair soap Wei Wuxian makes from the lotus pond in the back hills. “Did they—treat you well?”

It’s a sensible question, Wei Wuxian supposes, even if the worry in his husband’s voice makes his heart ache with love for him. “Better than most Moling cultivators usually do, Lan Zhan. It was all Xiandu this and Xinhua-jun that, until—”

“They called you Excellency?”

The conversation comes to a swift end at the realization, because Wei Wuxian accidentally swallows a mouthful of foamy water and chokes on it until Lan Zhan helps him cough it up. And then they have to get ready for dinner, and coax the children into finishing it before they fall asleep in their bowls, which is why Wei Wuxian doesn’t think about the conference again until after hai shi. 

When the truth of Su She’s association with Jin Guangyao came to light—as Wei Wuxian recalls when Lan Zhan and the little ones are safely asleep—most cultivators from Moling Su seemed to detest Wei Wuxian more than they did while he was dead, if Jiang Cheng’s spies were to be believed. As a matter of principle, none of them even attended Wei Wuxian’s wedding, and offered nothing but flimsy excuses when Lan Xichen traveled to Moling to deliver the invitations in person; and since then, they preferred to keep their distance from him, and would likely have continued to do so if Xichen hadn’t been in Baling for the month to see his new baby grandson.

But today’s petition had been urgent, so Wei Wuxian had to stand in as Lan-zongzhu by proxy while his husband and brother-in-law (not to mention A-Yuan and Jingyi, who accompanied Lan Xichen to Baling) were occupied elsewhere, and none of the Su cultivators were discourteous to him in the slightest.

Oh, no,” he groans, as Lan Zhan tries to hush him with a kiss. “This can’t be good, Lan Zhan. They ordered their city magistrates to send word if I crossed the Moling border, and they turned Xichen-ge down  again  when he invited them to Chun-bao’s hundred-day feast—you don’t think they’re planning something, do you?”

Lan Zhan only gives him a fond look and kisses him again. “Go to sleep, A-Ying,” he says gently. “We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

*    *    *

When Wei Wuxian married into the Cloud Recesses nine years ago, the question of his formal title remained unsettled until after the month before his and Lan Zhan’s first wedding anniversary. If he were a woman, the cultivation world would have known him as Lan-furen, and that would have been the end of it: but Wei Wuxian was a man with no title save that of the Yiling Patriarch, and even Lan Zhan was at a loss when his uncle asked what he should be called following the wedding.

“Third young master Lan?” Wei Wuxian suggested, absently petting Xiao-Yu’s fluffy hair. “Or Wei-gongzi? It doesn’t really matter, Shufu.”

“Third young master Lan is unsuitable,” Lan Qiren pointed out, plopping another baby rabbit into Xiao-Yu’s lap. “Xichen is the sect leader, and Wangji is the Chief Cultivator. Neither of them can rightly be called gongzi any longer, so the titles of first and second young master must pass to Sizhui and Jingyi.”

They settled on Lan-san-gongzi in the end, mostly because everyone already knew that Sizhui and Jingyi were the first and second heirs to the Lan sect, but then Lan Xichen (who remains the best brother-in-law Wei Wuxian could ever have hoped for) came to bring Wei Wuxian his lunch one afternoon while he was working in the produce field, and laughed himself silly at the sight of his difu  talking to a particularly stubborn lotus bloom in an effort to get it to grow.

“What a happy flower, to be so doted upon!” he chuckled, passing Wei Wuxian a wet cloth so he could clean his hands and sit down to eat. “Xinhua-jun, xiao-hua, be good for A-Xian and grow, won’t you?”

And then a strange excited grin spread across his face, right before he dropped the lunch boxes into Wei Wuxian’s arms and ran back towards the main compound as fast as his legs could carry him.

Wei Wuxian’s students have called him nothing but  Xinhua-jun  ever since, even though it was more of a pet name than a  title. But it never caught on outside the Cloud Recesses, since most of Nie Huaisang’s court is much older than he is, and Yunmeng still knows him as Wei-zongzhu from the year he spent leading Yunmeng Jiang before he and Lan Zhan were married; and the less said about Lanling Jin the better, even if Jin Ling and Mianmian have been ferreting out the last two sect leaders’ supporters ever since A-Ling succeeded Jin Guangyao.

The thought of his title becoming common knowledge in  Moling of all places gives Wei Wuxian a chill down the spine, and he says as much the next evening while going over the reports of young women’s education rates from Gusu’s subsidiary sects.

“Who could possibly have told them? It’s very suspicious,” he grumbles, answering a plaintive letter from a particularly pompous scholar who insisted it was far too much work for his colleagues to teach the boys in the morning and stay three hours longer to teach the girls in the afternoon. Teach them both in the same class, Wei Wuxian writes back, snorting at the man’s foolishness as his daughters climb into his lap to peer curiously at the scroll. If any of the young ladies’ parents prefer their daughters be taught separately from the boys, the Cloud Recesses will send a delegation of lady tutors to Xibei and have a second school built.  

“Suspicious?” Shuilan pipes up, before pointing to one of the characters on the scroll. “That’s part of my name! It says shui!”

“Very good!” Wei Wuxian smiles, kissing the top of A-Lan’s head. “Chun-bao, can you find any?”

Chunyang nods shyly against his neck. “A-Chun see cloud,” the baby says, happily smudging the  yun  in  yunshen buzhichu with her little hands before snuggling down into Wei Wuxian’s silky robes. “A-Die, eat? A-Chun is hungry.”

Wei Wuxian glances up at the sky and cries out in dismay as he notices that night has nearly fallen. “Come, come—but A-Lan, sweetheart, put your socks on first! It’s cold in the kitchen, and I don’t want to leave you here all alone.”

“I’m a big girl,” A-Lan complains, as Wei Wuxian laughs again and slides a pair of soft slippers onto her dimpled feet instead. “Can’t I stay with gege?”

“Gege’s taking a bath,” Xiao-Yu shouts—from the bathroom, naturally, since he spends his afternoons getting delightfully muddy in the produce field and moseys back home by sunset with grubs and leaves and rich black earth clinging to his clothes. “Be a good Lan-bao and go with A-Niang.”

At twelve years old, Xiaohui has finally settled on a course of cultivation study, surprising everyone but his parents by deciding he wanted to learn natural cultivation instead of following the martial dao, and he and Wei Wuxian have been working on agricultural talismans together for the past two years; Xiao-Yu even had a hand in the talismans Wei Wuxian just sent out for the border territories, since Wei Wuxian relies on his son’s spiritual energy to activate them. He is so very proud of Xiao-Yu, grubs and mud and all, and Wei Wuxian throws back his head and laughs when his tall son rolls into the kitchen half an hour later with his hair pinned up in a damp knot at the back of his neck.

“Is supper ready, A-Niang?” Xiao-Yu asks, while A-Lan sits at the table with one of her brother’s many, many cats purring in her lap. “Should I lay out the bowls?”

“Yes, please, A-Yu,” Wei Wuxian yawns, swaying back and forth with Chunyang on his hip as he stirs chili paste into his pot of soup. “And fetch a shawl for A-Lan, her clothes aren’t warm enough.”

“A-Niang stir more,” Chunyang tells him, pointing down at the pot. “Not done.”

Wei Wuxian does as she says, breaking up the last chunks of paste just as A-Yu comes rushing back in with a warm shawl to drape around A-Lan’s shoulders. After that, he puts a broad wooden lid over the pot and leaves it to boil, moving from cauldron to cauldron with one hand keeping Chun-bao in place and the other wielding his ladle: a weapon almost as effective as his sword, if A-Yuan’s condemnation of his cooking at the Burial Mounds is to be believed, though Wei Wuxian learned how to cook without covering everything with chili oil during his brief stint as Sect Leader Jiang ten years ago.

“I love A-Die’s food,” Shuilan declares, squeezing Heimao (named, quite literally, for his smooth black fur) in sheer delight when Wei Wuxian plops a bit of hot tofu into her mouth. “If Papa doesn’t come home in five minutes, can I eat everything?”

“A-Lan can eat as much as she wants,” Wei Wuxian promises, because A-Lan is only five years old and eats less than half of what Lan Zhan does. “Come help Yu-gege serve the rice, and then we can eat.”

Lan Zhan comes home late that night, after Lan Yu and Wei Shuilan have finished their dinners and gone to bed. He went to Lanling to help Jin Ling oversee a trial just after mao hour, and his early return is a pleasant surprise; Wei Wuxian nearly weeps with joy when his husband opens the door to the  jingshi and sweeps him and A-Chun up into his arms, carrying them to the long divan in the receiving room to kiss them to his heart’s content, and fussing over A-Chun until she toddles away and comes back again with the little bowl of hot soup that Wei Wuxian left on the table with a warming talisman.

“Papa eat,” she says adoringly, curling into a chubby pink ball against Wei Wuxian’s stomach and watching with big eyes as Lan Zhan raises the bowl to his lips. “A-Niang cooked!”

“Your A-Die always cooks dinner,” Wei Wuxian says, kissing the tip of her sweet pink nose. “Remember, Chun-bao?”

“Papa breakfast, and A-Niang dinner,” the little girl agrees, before drifting right off to sleep between her parents with one tiny fist curled around the end of Lan Zhan’s forehead ribbon.

Jiang Yanli used to fall asleep like that, Wei Wuxian remembers, safe in Jiang-shushu’s purple-draped bed with him and a toddling Jiang Cheng curled up next to her on either side, and she always stayed asleep no matter how often they squirmed and kicked and whispered over her head.

“Sweetheart?”

“I missed you,” Wei Wuxian sighs, without mentioning where his thoughts had gone—the pain of his shijie’s passing will never heal as long as he lives, but it has been easier to bear with Lan Zhan beside him, if only a little. “Will you have to go again next week, Lan Zhan?”

His husband shakes his head and gives him a lingering soup-tasting kiss on the soft dent over his mouth. “It is finished, my heart. Forgive me for coming home so late?”

Their faces draw together again, yearning towards one another like two mated butterflies forcefully parted as Lan Zhan shifts A-Chun to the crook of his arm and lays Wei Wuxian down on the divan to kiss his cheeks, and his forehead, and then caresses his hands with heart-breaking tenderness, as if he were holding a treasure beyond price. In turn, Wei Wuxian reaches up to touch his husband’s face, tracing the smooth lines of his brow and chin until Lan Zhan catches his fingertips with his lips and pulls him upright to keep Chunyang from getting squashed.

“Let’s put this little lotus to bed,” Wei Wuxian whispers, though it turns into another yawn before he gets to the end of the sentence. “Come with me, xingan?”

His husband—his beloved, precious, perfect husband—goes with him without a word, coaxing their daughter into her sleeping gown and laying her in the middle of the bed without waking her. “I heard some news in Lanling before I left,” he says, while Wei Wuxian helps him take off his Chief Cultivator’s headpiece and put away his waist-pendants. “I investigated the issue with Moling Su, since I feared that they might have a greater grudge against you than we thought, and Jin Ling informed me that the minor sects have begun to address you as xiandu of their own accord.”

Wei Wuxian feels his jaw drop. “What?”

“You have been taking over the portion of my work that cannot be solved by night-hunting,” Lan Zhan points out, as they slip under the covers and tuck A-Chun in between them to keep her warm. “The schools, the trade conferences, the farming failures in the south and the northwest. These matters are resolved by letters written in your hand, not mine, and petitions written to the Chief Cultivator are taken to court by the Chief Cultivator’s husband.”

He pauses to brush their noses together, and then:

“It has been so since you married me,” he says, with a smile that melts Wei Wuxian’s limbs into jelly. “Did you never notice, Wei Ying? It is well known that Hanguang-jun follows the jiandao, and goes wherever the chaos is, and that Xinhua-jun sees to the everyday matters that must be put right for a sect to thrive. Even the clans who would have dared speak against you know it now, and give credit and praises where they are due.”

“I can’t just  become the Chief Cultivator by sharing your work,” Wei Wuxian snorts, rolling his eyes fondly as Lan Zhan leans over to blow out the candle on the nightstand. “I’m your husband. What else would I do?”

“I have not yet heard your sister-in-law being called Jiang-zongzhu,” Lan Zhan returns, with a bright spark of mirth in his sweet voice. “Though I suspect your brother would not mind, if she was.”

“Yes, I suppose—but Lan Zhan, surely the minor sects can’t just  decide to call me Chief Cultivator? You were chosen for the position by vote.”

“They chose me for Chief Cultivator ten years ago, did they not? And now, since there is no law that two people cannot share the title, they have chosen you. Nie Huaisang will support it, since he lives in fear of me stepping down and making  him succeed me as Excellency, and so will Jin Ling. And Jiang Cheng.”

“...I’m never getting out of this, am I?”

“Do you wish to stop?” Lan Zhan inquires, with some concern. “You have done more good than I could ever have dreamed of, but if you do not want—”

“Let’s talk about it in the morning,” Wei Wuxian begs, thoroughly overwhelmed at the thought of it. “Come hold me, er-gege.”

And Lan Zhan does, hugging him so tightly that all he knows is the sharp scent of sandalwood on his husband’s clothes and the soft-smelling lotus of Chun-bao’s hair until he falls asleep.

*    *    *

  Nanhai Cheng, Baling Ouyang to the Cloud Recesses, Gusu Lan

  Senior Wei,

      When did you become the Chief Cultivator? Jingyi and A-Yuan want to know, but they can’t write at the moment because A-Qing put them on diaper duty. Is it true? Or was A-Ling just making fun of us?

      Best wishes,  

            Ouyang Zizhen.  

    P.S.—make sure to bring Lan-xiansheng for A-Chen’s full month party! You haven’t forgotten about it, have you?

*    *    *

  The Cloud Recesses, Gusu Lan to the Unclean Realm, Qinghe Nie

  Nie-xiong,  

      If I ever find out that this Excellency business was your fault, I’ll steal all your grandchildren and hide them in the jingshi. What in Heaven’s name were you thinking?

    Suspiciously yours,  

            Wei Wuxian.  

*    *    *

  The Unclean Realm, Qinghe Nie to the Cloud Recesses, Gusu Lan

  Brother Wei,  

      My, such accusations! I really can’t say. But have fun with all the paperwork, Wei-xiong—it’s the best part of the job!

      Your (best) friend,  

            Nie Huaisang.  

[scandeniall]

no limit to you

pairing: sakusa kiyoomi x reader

summary: “Knew right from the start there was no limit to you.” sakusa’s gonna go far and you know it. a look at your relationship throughout some months. (Started out based on Feels by Kehlani but yeah that went left)

warnings: profanity, starts as college students, manga spoilers about career. implied sex, little bit of angst but for like 10 seconds. 

wc: 5.4k holy shit this took me all week

Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Year 2, month 6 

“He is the Black Jackals big and promising rookie,” Your heart couldn’t help but swell with pride as the speaker's voice carried across the gym (?). Despite the less theatrical introductions awarded to MSBY you couldn’t help but cheer loudly even yelling out the stupid nickname given to Sakusa by his teammates. One that he insists that he hates. “Go, omi-omi!” To anyone else it’d just look like another stale glance at the speaker, but you didn’t miss the tiniest of smile that graces his face. 

It’s his time to shine and you’re by his side to witness it all. — Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Month 3 

The sound of rain pounding against the building mixed with the sound of landing volleyballs and squeaking shoes. The men’s volleyball practice is approaching hour 3 and despite Sakusa insisting that you could have just headed back to your apartment you were there anyways. One reason for it was because you knew with him living so close he didn’t drive to campus and despite his tendencies for cleanliness, that’d he’d swallow his pride enough to catch a ride with one of his teammates to avoid the torrential downpour. You figured he’d at least appreciate a ride from you, whose car he knew was relatively clean instead (clean mostly because he always made cleaning and disinfecting your car a “couple activity” every weekend). Another reason was simply because you missed him and was ready to propose getting dinner together. Waiting for him wasn’t a problem anyways, the row of tables overlooking the gym were quite spacious and you utilized the time to get some procrastinated work done. As your small break and time spent switching between the same 3 apps comes to an end you pull up your Snapchat one last time the camera zooming in on sakusa for a few seconds with the caption “a superstar”. You knew Sakusa would frown and scold you for it later (the guy hates being put on stupid Snapchat), but also knew he secretly like when you showed how proud you were. The man was truly destined for greatness and you knew there were no limits to how far he could go. Of course with the relative newness of your relationship, you’ve never told him that. After one last check to make sure the video posts, music flows back into your ears as you began the last hour stretch. “You could’ve gone home you know.” Was the first thing you heard the second the dark haired male sat in the chair in front of you. Plucking your earbuds out all you could do was shrug. “Now is that anyway to greet your cinnamon apple,” you laughed at the displeased look on his face, or more so in his eyes. He must've put his mask on before leaving the locker room. Sakusa was never really one for nicknames and whenever you’d call yourself something from a vine from a thousand years ago he couldn’t hide the scowl on his face. 

“All done for the day?” At his nod of assurance you start packing up your bag as Sakusa just watched. He cringed at how you chaotically just packed your papers and laptop into your bag. No folders, or even a ouch for writing utensils. He’d have to get you one. As you finished picking up and fished your keys out of your bag’s pocket you notice Sakusa pull his mask down as he crossed to step in front of you. Placing a quick kiss on your lips, “thank you for waiting.” — Tap. Tap. Tap. Click. Tap. The sounds of scribbling mixed alongside flipped pages and the soft conversations of fellow library goers. The words of the textbook in front of you were beginning to look like gibberish and with that cane even more unconscious fiddling of your pen, a fact not lost on your boyfriend. The sound being so close and frequent broke him out of his own focus bubble. When you insisted the two of you have a study date, you were unsurprisingly met with the excuse of neither of you having the same major. “It doesn’t matter, we can just sit in the library. It’s spending quality time together Kiyoomi,” you’d told him. And it was true, sort of. After you’d finally got into the groove of studying, time seemed to fly and just knowing he was there was comforting enough. “(Y/N). You’re distracting me.” Sakusa was too blunt for his own good sometimes. All you could offer was a mumbled half assed apology, watching as he attempted to focus on his work again. You however? Were done for the time being, deciding to preoccupy yourself with your phone and taking not so sneaky glances at the man sitting in front of you. 

“If you paid as much attention to your work as you did me, you’d be doing better in that class.” Maybe he had a point, but who cared. It's not like you were failing the course. Taking another glace up you manage to catch his eye before responding.

“But you're prettier.”

--

Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Month 7

You felt the dip in the bed first. A warm hand resting softly on your back next. Finally your favorite person’s voice. “You're coming to the game right.” You were so tired that you couldn't  even be bothered to turn and face the voice.

“Of course. First home game in a while,” you hum out, eyes still closed basking in the softness of the blanket. The weather had been terrible for the past week, completely draining any energy and remaining motivation you had to finish the rest of the semester. Sakusa, on the other hand, had seemingly been unaffected and you envied his tunnel vision like nature. “I can’t wait to see you win y’know.” Sakusa thanked his lucky stars, that your eyes were still closed, because if not you may have seen the red that dusted the tops of his ears. You could hear the sound of hangars knocking in the closet before inquiring about the noise.

“You don’t have a clean jersey for tomorrow’s game right.” He knew that you had a general school fan jersey, but he meant something more specific. One with his number on the back.  

“Nothing is guaranteed. The other team is pretty good too.”

“Yeah well, you're better.” --

Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Year 1 If you heard one last critiquing remark from your boyfriend you were going to scream. Or kill him, which currently sounded like the better option. It started with him telling you your kitchen smelled weird, the food cooked hours earlier obviously not Sakusa approved. Next came him cringing as he inquired when was the last time you or roommate had vacuumed the living room. Then came his annoyed look when he noticed your skincare products all over the bathroom counter because you had to rush out this morning. The last straw came as he said something about you getting germs all over your face as you dug the palms of your hands into your eyes. While that one had some validity you were fucking tired. School was sucking, your coworkers are annoying and your boyfriend is a fucking dick. “Can you not try to not be a germaphobe asshole for two seconds, Sakusa,” you exclaim, not even bothering to face him from your spot at your desk. “Do better with cleaning then.” 

“What are you, my dad.”

“If I were, you’d know how to clean up properly.”

It was official. Sakusa, Kiyoomi fucking sucks. The tension in the air had grown. Between your pissed stress related retorts and sakusa’s stupid passive aggressive insults the two of you had navigated far away from just arguing about germs. You’d both begun bringing up past situations and feelings that you’d both previously kept buried. 

“Half the time I don’t even know if you fucking like me.” That was a lie. He cared and you knew it. But former insecurities paired with his generally aloof nature whenever the two of you were in public caused you to mention it. Insecurties concerning how he was on his way to something great, and that he’d leave you behind with a stupid college degree that you didn’t even know how you were going to use. You’d long abandoned your desk chair, opting to pace around the room. If his eyes were knives, you’d be long dead with the way he was glaring. You hadn’t noticed, but Sakusa even pulled his mask down to engage in this argument. 

“Well thats just stupid. But since you're bringing it up, do you even like me,” Sakusa sneered causing you to stop in place.“You’re going out an awful lot these days. Partying more than you used to, aren’t you.” Your state of disbelief hadn’t been lost on him, in fact you looked as if you were going to start laughing at any moment. The way he condescendingly spoke your name sent chills down your spine. “Can’t help but wonder what you’re doing.”

“Oh so now I’m cheating-.” 

“I’m just pointing out what I’ve noticed.” He’d hit the realization that he messed up the second the insinuation left his lips. However, he was too far in and so were you. He’d have to make it up to you later, he began to think. Until your humourless laugh filled the air, striking a cord in him, bigger than you’d ever done. This entire night you’d been a ticking time bomb, and were ready to explode. 

“Now why the fuck, would I put up with you if I didn’t love you. A year of my life just wasted huh.” The revelation of your love causes Sakusa to pause. Of course the two of you loved one another. It was shown in the little actions. But, until now neither of you had ever uttered the three words to one another.

“(Y/N-)”

“Newsflash, Kiyoomi, you're not an easy person to love. You nag me about shit that only bothers you, and I put up with it. I can’t even come around you with mismatched socks”

“You never want to go out to any kind of party with me and I want you there, yet I’m always willing to go out when you have to with the team.”

“You barely even show that you like me in public. I’ve had friends ask me are we even really dating.”

The end of your rant was accompanied by silence on both of your ends. You were drained. Your throat hurt and your eyes stung. But more importantly your heart ached.  Despite the tears building at the back of your eyes you were not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. Sakusa on the other hand was deep in thought. The tug on his heartstrings at your admittance was foreign. He didn’t want to say anything to further upset you, and had gotten to know you enough to know you’d want to be alone after a time like this. 

The hand that grabbed yours almost felt foreign as Sakusa led you towards your bed. The already long day ending with a quick kiss against your temple, a promise to see you later, and an aching heart. 

--

“Did you and Sakusa- like break up or something,” your friend inquired. It's been 9 days since you’d last heard from Sakusa, and your mopey mood hadn’t gone unnoticed by your friends. On top of you being unusually downcast they noticed that you hadn’t attended the most recent match. You always went to home games. You already had to deal with the aftermath of your roommate being home and hearing your argument that night, you hadn’t exactly been that quiet during the ordeal. 

The next morning marked the start of the weekend, which you’d spent a large part of the day in bed. In the middle of you bothering to fix dinner, your roommate had come home interrupting your pity party. You liked your roommate, you did and the two of you were friendly. But the two of you definitely were not best friends and for them to come home and see you for the first time post argument- awkward. 

“Yo- (Y/N), did you hear me? You and Sakusa break up or something,” your friend repeated, breaking you out of your wandering thoughts. “Or something,” you muttered bitterly. The lunch in front of you suddenly looked unappealing. The melting ice cubes floating in your drink taking away your attention. 

Just as you began to take your mind off Sakusa in preparation to try and have a relatively normal weekend, your friend just had to bring him up. You loved her, but she was a dumbass for that one. Your entire car ride home you turned on your breakup playlist one you’d made during the demise of your last relationship back in highschool. Something about Miley Cyrus’ 7 Things felt more relatable than ever now that you were older. 

Entering your apartment, you waved a greeting to your roommate who looked strangely happy. “Oh (Y/N), you’ve got a gift.” Ok- why the hell was she so cheery about a gift to you. Eying her suspiciously, your roommate pointed past you and your eyes widened.

“Who-”

“Who do you think? Dropped them off a little over an hour ago. Looked disappointed when he realized you weren’t here.”

You half mumbled something kin of appreciation for telling you as you walked toward the kitchen table to see a bouquet of roses, and a card with neatly scribbled handwriting you recognized immediately. 

“One rose for every month of putting up with me being a germophobic asshole. Google also said roses meant love. Hope you like them.

P.s: i missed you at the game (and in general)”

14 roses. He even included the two months where you teetered the line between friends and partners. You couldn’t help but laugh at his use of your word choice to describe him. You hadn’t even noticed your roommate peering over your shoulder until she spoke. “He means well. You two should work it out.” If you weren’t planning to before you sure as hell were going to now. “Yeah,” you mused. “You're right.

The gears in your head were absolutely turning, thinking about how you’d reach back out to Sakusa. Obviously he’d been the bigger person and made the first contact, and yeah he was definitely being a jerk that night, but so were you. You were so caught in your own thoughts as you made your way down the short hallway to your room that you hadn’t even noticed the slight rustling. Opening your door you were met with an even bigger surprise. 

Sakusa. In your room, gloved up, vacuum out-He was cleaning? Your room?. Your brain short circuits as you were at a loss for words.

“Kiyoomi?” The sound of your roommate teasing telling you two to keep it down went beyond your span of comprehension as you just stood in the doorway. “You should close the door. 

---

After you got past the initial shock of seeing Sakusa, he’d taken his gloves off and sat on your bed wordlessly patting the spot next to him. After a brief moment of silence you were the first one to speak. Afterall, he did take the first step at mending your relationship. Now it's your turn. “I’m sorry Kiyoomi. For snapping at you, questioning how you felt when I knew better. I was a bitch for that one. 

“I’m sorry. I was wrong. I knew how stressed you were already and made it worse. I know how you get when you're upset, and came to straighten up for you.”

“Thanks for that one. I’ll admit, it was starting to bother me too.” A silence filled the air as you shifted closer. Enough so that you could rest your head on his shoulder. 

“I know you’re not cheating on me-“

“Wow, how did you figure that out. You are SO smart,” you faked gasped. The  teasing comment released any lingering tension between you and before you knew it Sakusa had his normal frowny face at you. The one he tended to get when you jokingly teased or annoyed him. One, never meant with any malice. A softer one reserved just for you. The moment passed quickly and as you removed your head from his shoulder you eyed him seriously. “I wouldn't do that Yoomi. You know that right?”

The thought of him even thinking you’d ever cheat on him didn’t sit right with you. In fact, it had been the main reason you were upset. You could work past anything else said. But that one? You needed to acknowledge it. Your question had been answered when you felt a hand gently rest on the side of your neck pulling you gently towards him. You were so close that you could feel the move of his lips as he reaffirmed what was already known. “I love you too (Y/N). The universe seemed to stop as Sakusa's lips moved softly against yours. you had moved your lingering hand to wrap around the wrist touching you, rubbing gentle circles on his inner wrist. A hold that unconsciously tightens as you felt his tongue languidly slip into your mouth and explore.This kiss was different than any you’d ever shared before. Different from the quick kisses shared when you’d two part ways at the end of dates. Different than the domineering good luck kisses given in quiet hallways outside the locker room before games. Than the tired kisses he’d reluctantly give because your tired whining grated his nerves. Hell, even different than the kisses shared the first time you two had sex. Those were just awkward. This kiss? Was loving. You two loved one another. Those feelings had been made more than clear to the other person. The universe always told you that falling in love too fast and too young would end in disaster. But you’d risk that if you could feel like this everyday. 

The need for air forced the two of you to pull away. In that time Sakusa had shifted the two of you so that he was resting against the headboard of your bed, your knees resting on the side of his knees. One hand on your thigh, other resting on your back. He looked so pretty like that. Puffy lips, heavily breathing, and with so much love for you. There was no doubt you looked the same. The rest of his forehead on your shoulder allowed you to gently play with his hair. 

“I’ll work on the other things too. But don’t expect me to take care of your drunk ass every weekend.”

--

Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Year 1, Month 10 

“How’s it going Mr MVP.” You pushed your body off the chilled brick, as you eyed your boyfriend up and down. He looked good, really good. He’d just finished the last game of his collegiate career, one that had been won. Not only that, but he had been named MVP and a rookie to look out for going into Division 1 post graduation. 

You shifted your hands towards his face but before you could even rest them near you he stopped you with a mini hand sanitizer dangling in your face. “I’m sure you touched that brick while waiting.” After your hands were as sanitized as they could be, you hovered your hands over the corner of his mask, silently asking for permission to lower it. Once you got the go ahead, and felt his hands resting on your hips you pulled him down for a sweet kiss. After pulling away you left your hands wrapped around his neck and began playing with the hairs at the back of his neck. 

“You’re a fucking superstar Yoomi. You’re gonna go so far.” You revealed the thoughts that had been in the back of your mind since you met him. And it was true. You knew he’d been looking at a few professional teams, and no matter where he’d go the sky was the limit. 

“Now c’mon. It’s party time babe. Last college win celebration,” you cheered pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, and pulling his mask back out. You followed up by reaching into the pocket of his track jacket to pull out his car key. He kept true with his promise of getting better. Still hated unnecessary crowds, but was willing to sacrifice it occasionally to accompany you to celebratory parties. Granted he tended to hang out on less populated hallways, even better when parties continued outside. More space to move. The mask also stayed on. College kids are gross. 

—-

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you noticed your boyfriend move from his spot on the couch. The two of you had decided on a lazy movie night before the official finals grind began. Dead week was nearly here, and you knew the two of you would have little time to actually hang out. With the end of volleyball season, you’d been spending more time at Sakusa’s place deciding to just head there after class because it was closer. “Yoomi where are you going,” the wording came out more needed than you intended. You didn’t receive an answer, instead met with him disappearing in his room. You decided to just pause the movie, pulling out your phone to reply to a few text messages. Just as you hit send a Manila envelope was placed in your peripheral and Sakusa settled back into his corner of the couch. 

“What’s this,” you questioned, shifting so that you were looking at Sakusa. The only thing you were gifted with was a shrug and a motion to open the envelope. You hesitated a moment before your eyes widened

“Wait. Kiyoomi is this…”. The confident smirk told you everything you needed to know. This was it. There was no secret that Sakusa was most likely going to go pro after graduation, but no one knew what team he’d end up playing for. He’d had many people; Professors, coaches,teammates, acquaintances, parents ask what he planned on doing now that graduation was essentially on your doorsteps. No one ever got an answer out of him, including you. He hadn’t even hinted at any team preference to you, brushing it off and changing the subject whenever you tried to see where his head was. 

“Are you gonna open it or just stare.” You noted the slight waver in his voice, one that would have gone unnoticed to any ear untrained in the study of Sakusa Kiyoomi. You didn’t even know why you were so nervous, it wasn’t even your career. Taking a deep breath you pulled out the stack of papers, eyes drifting to the first paragraph mumbling the words aloud. 

“We are excited to have you. We welcome your commitment to MSBY Black Jackals-“ you would have dropped the stack of papers had you not had them tugged out of your tight grip and placed on the table in front of you. “Holy shit,” you exclaimed, launching yourself at your boyfriend (uncomfortably knocking him against the corner of the couch, but he’d let you have this moment.)

Next you started babbling about how proud you were of him in between kisses all over his face. (Another thing he’d let you have for the moment despite the feel of your lip balm also sticking onto his face”). You were so happy for him, that you didn’t even notice the blush making its way on his face. His hand settling themselves on your waist, he basked in the attention from you. 

When the shock managed to wear off, you had settled yourself into his lap. Sitting sideways, you had one hand playing with his hair, the other picking up your phone to record a video. 

“And today, we have the greatest volleyball player in the world commuting to the greatest team in the world,” you beamed the front camera on you both. 

“Look at that future (Y/N), Yoomi isn’t even swatting the camera away tonight. Looks like he looooooves me for once-“

“I always love you. You’re just annoying sometimes.” The jest was meant with a light kiss on your clothed shoulder before you continued, this time facing Sakusa instead of the camera

“Y’know. I knew right from the start there was no limit to you,” you spoke softly, eyes beaming.

“Is that so.” A real smile graced his face, as you moved the hand previously playing with his hair to gently trace over the moles on his face. “Thank you for believing.” You felt Sakusa take your phone from you cutting the camera. What took place after, definitely didn’t need to be caught on camera. 

—

The sun is beaming. The weather is incredible . You were high on happiness, adrenaline, pride and maybe a little bit of caffeine as you currently posed for what felt like your millionth picture in the past 5 minutes. You hadn’t even found your family yet, surrounded by 100s of your peers all celebrating the same accomplishment. You did it. You were a college graduate. You had a degree. You felt another tap on your shoulder, as you happily screamed to your friend you’d made being in the same program. 

“Dude I can't believe it!”

“Dude me either!” As the two of you took a quick selfie, your mind wandered to where and how Sakusa was doing. You hadn't seen him at all yet considering you both spent the mornings with your families who came into town. You wondered how he was doing with this whole thing. There were a shit ton of people out here after all. Before you could dwell on it, you felt your phone vibrate with none other than the man himself. You chuckled, already sending his irritation through the message as he told you to come to walk west, at the very edge of the crowd that was growing by the minute in the center. You sent a quick text to your mom about where you’d be, knowing your family were going to want a ton of pictures even with Sakusa. 

Your excitement grew further if even possible as you finally found him, throwing your arms around his neck into a tight hug, swaying the both of you. “We did it, Sakusa,” you said, finally pulling away and eying him. He’d taken his cap off already, opting for holding it instead, and having unzipped his gown. 

“We have degrees now,” he confirmed using his free hand to grab yours. “It’s too many people here.” All you could do was laugh as you eyed the control chaos going on just across the courtyard from you. You felt an odd sense of peace, just watching. The flowers planted just for graduation season even looked beautiful. Something you may not have paid nearly as much attention to had you not been dating Sakusa. 

In fact, if you weren’t dating him you knew you’d be in the middle of the chaos right now. Still happy no doubt, but being able to get away from it even for a few minutes felt amazing. You’d both be thrown back into it in a matter of minutes, squeezing in the last set of pictures with best friends and holding conversations with people you’d have to get used to not seeing several times a week. You knew that Sakusa was almost guaranteed to be forced into a picture with the other graduating volleyball players. 

“My families heading over I’m sure,” you hummed bringing your eyes back to Sakusa's profile. The look on his face slightly confuses you. You couldn’t quite tell if it were nerves, irritation, or just a result of squinting from the bright sun. 

“We’re gonna have to head back in soon”

“Do you want to move in with me”

The two of you spoke simultaneously. It was official. This is one of the best days of your life. 

--

Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Year 2, Month 4 

“I’m gonna start dinner alright,” you called out as you pulled on one of Sakusa’s clean practice shirts and a pair of his old college sweats. Yes they were big,but they were more comfy than your own. Besides it was nothing a little, (read;a lot) of rolling and cuffing couldn’t fix. It was also his time of the month where you let him control the thermostat, and you’re cold! You’d just gotten out of the shower, him getting in shortly after coming home from a training day. The gym showers only do so much and he needed his own body wash is what he insisted the first time he came home and rushed immediately towards the bathroom. 

You pulled out the sheet of paper with a recipe printed on it, courtesy of your co-worker. Earlier in the week you mentioned how you were craving chicken but no other recipe in your arsenal seemed appealing. Lo and behold you were given a sheet of paper with a recipe that apparently his family loved after experimenting with a few online recipes. 

Before beginning you connect your phone to your speaker hitting shuffle. You manage to get all the ingredients out before a large knock sounds at your door. Confused, you yell out asking Sakusa if he was expecting anyone. You noticed the sounds of the shower ceased a few minutes ago, and that Sakusa would likely come to keep you company (more like sanitize the spice bottles the second you put one down.)

“Of course not,” with a shrug your wash your hands before gently opening the door. There’s a man. An attractive one- who looks oddly familiar. Wait, that guy is on Black Jackals, you note. Miya, Atsumu. 

“Um hi,” you greet sounding more like a question, opening the door a bit wider. 

“Shit! Did I come to the wrong apartment? I'm looking for Omi-Omi,” you noticed him trail off eyeing the shirt you were wearing. Omi-Omi? Sakusa must’ve heard him because the way he sprinted into the living room showed a scowl evident on his face. It even caused you to back up as Atsumu entered in. 

“Why are you here. And how did you find where I live,” sakusa for right to the point. 

“Aw c’mon Omi-Omi what if I missed ya. You left your earbuds in the locker room. Turned on you find my friends and matched the mailbox.” The glare on Sakusa’s face was one you recognized only when you genuinely irritated him. Not the one where he pretended to be annoyed but secretly wasn’t. 

“But enough about that. How come you didn’t tell me you were dating. I thought we were friends. Omi-Omi,” Atsumu whined out arms crossing over his chest. As you were looking at his arms/ respectfully/ you jumped in a teasing pout of your own. 

“Yeah Omi-Omi. Not telling your friends about me. A shame”

“Not you too.”

—

Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Year 2, Month 6 

“You excited,” your question causes another wave of conversation between the men in the pre waiting area. Warmups were set to start in about 20 minutes. Shortly after you met Atsumu, he’d insisted you be introduced to the entire team. Afterall, other significant others got to hang out sometimes. Today was the day. Sakusa’s biggest match of his professional career yet. MSBY Black Jackals V Schweiden Adlers.

Receiving a mix of enthusiastic expletives, you turn towards your boyfriend who has yet to answer, prompting you to tease asking if he were nervous. 

“No. We’re going to win,”

“That's the spirit Omi-Omi! Gonna beat Wakatoshi this time,” This time you bit back your laugh, smirking at the Miya twin’s jest. You loved getting able to take a break from being annoying.  Sakusa, as per usual, noticed it. Getting up he motioned, that you follow him outside, ignoring the teases of getting a good luck kiss. 

The minute you two rounded the corner of the hallway, a warm hand enveloped yours. Your confused look prompts your boyfriend to cage you against the corner of the wall. His unoccupied hand resting against the side of your head.”

“I am excited.” While his expression remained unchanged, The look in his eyes said it all. It was the same twinkle he showed that time you two made up after admitting your love. And the one present after revealing his commitment to MSBY to you. “And you are going to win,” your reiteration caused a soft smile to catch his face. 

“Here's to you and your first major game Kiyoomi. And to many more because you're a star. Now go win.” 

a/n: well this has been a roller coaster. I challenged myself to write 5k words, and 95% of this was written at like 3am bc thats when i go to sleep. I also did this to try and gain a feel for him so i can finish his part in good & the bad  series. I really do be hoping this aint too ooc, bc while im caught up on the happenings of the manga from spoilers and twitter, i haven't actually gotten around to reading that far myself. also sorry for shitty formatting, ive never actually written a single body with this many words in a singular part ??? also i didnt edit this past google doc feature sooooo

anyways i did work hard and on this for the past week in between finals as a college junior so any comments and feedback are appreciated 

[theotherjourney7]

“I was gonna leave The Week In Tory until Friday the 2nd October but at their current rate it'll be very long by then, and I'm worried about you, mate.

It's OK to get drunk on at 5pm on Monday the 28th of September, isn't it? Well, that's my recommendation anyway. Here goes...

1. In June UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson said to Black Lives Matter protestors: “I hear you”, and acknowledged the “incontrovertible, undeniable feeling of injustice” that “we simply cannot ignore”

So obviously, 40 Tory MPs refused to take part in unconscious bias training

2. The government shut pubs an hour early, seemingly under the impression coronavirus (an inert, sub-microscopic infectious entity with no brain or nervous system) can tell the time.

The government demanded we all follow the rules

The government exempted House Of Commons bars from the rules

3. Health Minister Helen Whately said “people who get drunk and leave the pub to keep on partying should remember their responsibility for the nation’s health”

Helen Whateley, who is *actually* responsible for the nation’s health, was sober when she said this. Presumably

4. After 6 months of world-leading “throwing apps in the bin but taking the cash anyway”, the government finally proudly released an NHS Testing App

It didn't work with NHS tests

Or on 18% of phones

Or in Scotland or Northern Ireland

And a report said only 10% of the us will use it, cos we don’t trust Dominic Cummings with our data

Nor should we: the Data Commissioner said Cummings' proposed changes to privacy law will see the UK barred from sharing global data, and cost the UK economy "up to £80bn"

5. Meanwhile the promise of 500,000 tests per day won’t be reached because, in news that should shock nobody, the government failed to order enough raw materials

So the government stopped releasing evidence of how many are being tested, cos if you don't look at it, it isn't real

6. The government, which only weeks ago was demanding we go back to work or all get sacked, now demands we all stay at home

7. Them the government said the reason the UK had the worst Covid response AND worst economy in Europe is because we are “freedom-loving”

8. And then government freedom-lovingly banned schools from using any materials that criticised capitalism

Not content with this, they also banned schools discussing “victim narratives”, which is going to make it tough to maintain their national anti-bullying strategy

9. And then a leaked report said the government was planning to freedom-lovingly deploy the military on the streets

10. Meanwhile, the government announced only 24% of businesses have done any preparation for Brexit, and only 30% of cross-channel HGVs have the correct paperwork

11. The government finally admitted what they’d been told repeatedly since 2016, and said Brexit would create 2-day queues of 7000 lorries at Channel ports

7000 lorries (at the average 16.5m each) is 1155km. That’s a queue over 70 miles long. Every day.

To solve this, the government announced a new internal border in Kent, helpfully relocating 70 miles of queues to London, Essex, Surrey and East Sussex instead

A month ago, Tory MP Sir Edward Leigh was demanding we “take back” Calais. Now we’re essentially abandoning Kent.

Because we only had 4 years to plan for this, our lovely new border will start on 1 January and be controlled by software that – and you should probably open a second bottle around now - won’t be ready until at least 4 months later

Oh, and border checks won’t be ready in Northern Ireland either

But we might not have a problem anyway: it was revealed there are just 2000 EU haulage permits for our 40,000 UK hauliers. That’s 5% of what we need, for any Govt Ministers struggling with the maths

12. And we don’t even have enough pallets for the goods we import, cos we currently rely on a supply we share with the EU, and have neither the wood nor the treatment plants, nor the required chemicals to make and treat our own

So now the government has to make a 200m border, a mechanism for policing it, an internal passport system, software, admin, buy 38,000 permits and grow enough trees for 700,000 pallets. In 3 months.

It had 5 months to add up some A-Level results, and that went swimmingly

13. I’m sure supply-and-demand won’t force prices sky high, cos it never does when you have 5% of the food the nation needs and a govt which boasts about breaking the law, but it was also announced tariffs will add £3.1bn to the nation’s food bill in Jan 2021

14. As a mark of confidence, Jim Ratcliffe, Britain’s richest man and a leading Brexiteer, buggered off to Monaco

15. And an unnamed minister was quoted: “We are stuck in a bind. If we try to cancel Brexit we destroy ourselves; if we go ahead with it we destroy the country”

16. The London School of Economics reported the long-term cost of Brexit will be 2-3 times the cost of Covid

So Rishi Sunak cancelled the budget, cos once again, if you don’t look at it, it doesn’t exist

17. JPMorgan shifted £200 billion out of the UK and into Germany calling it “a result of Brexit”.

At least 22% of our entire national economy depends on international banks based in the City of London, so when the largest one fucks off, it's a relaxing development

18. Former Prime Minister Theresa May said the government’s bill to break international law is “reckless” and “risks the integrity of the United Kingdom”

19. The Attorney General, who takes an oath to parliament, the Queen and The Bar to observe the law, said she was “very proud” to be breaking the law

The UK is a signatory and legal guarantor of the Good Friday Agreement, which brought peace to the island of Ireland after 3600 violent deaths. The Attorney General, who is sworn to maintain peace, says Brexit will break the GFA, and she is “extremely proud” of that too.

Turns out, the advisory Professor who told her she should go ahead and break the law and endanger peace in Ireland is the partner of Michael Gove’s special advisor. It’s amazing, these coincidences. Almost as if they don’t want to listen to anybody else

20. Speaking of which, UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s old friend and unfailingly irrumating backer (google it) Charles Moore, who has spent his life demanding the end of the BBC, and said the BBC causes "human misery worthy of Dickens" (does he mean Mrs Brown's Boys?) is in line to run the BBC

And it was reported ex Daily Mail Editor Paul Dacre, who shouts c*unt so much his meetings are called “the vagina monologues”, and whose paper is banned as a Wiki reference cos it lies so often, is going to be put in charge of Ofcom: ensuring decent and honest broadcasting

Oh yeah, and Boris Johnson tweeted “a free press is vital in holding the government to account”, which is probably why the people holding his govt to account are being replaced with his mates and cheerleaders

21. Tory MP and successful conscience-donor Andrea Jenkins got paid £25k from a thinktank that doesn’t exist

22. And because no list is complete without a disturbing nocturnal visitation from the smirking angel of death, Home Office Secretary Priti Patel was accused of incitement to racial hatred

23. Whilst Patel, Jenkyns and the Attorney General were busy redefining “the party of Law and Order” the rest of the govt took a wild swing at “the party of fiscal responsibility”, when it was revealed the government has wasted £3,895,556,000 since March.

This includes unsafe testing kits; face masks that don’t work; broken tracing systems; useless antibody tests; cancelled ventilator challenge; and inexplicable contracts to sweet manufacturers and dormant companies with no employees, to provide PPE that never arrived!

24. The government, which insisted schools and universities reopened, said it was now vital to lock down students and prevent them from mixing in large groups

And then the government said it was sanctioning class sizes of up to 60 which ... remind me, is that more or fewer than 6?

25. Health Secretary Matt Hancock said “we’re giving up to 11,000 iPads to care homes to enable residents to connect with loved ones”

“Up to” is a bit telling, but even if it’s 11,000, there are 21,700 care homes in the UK. I guess they’ll just have to share. Goodbye forever, nana!

26. And finally, if you feel all alone in despairing at this: you aren’t. Belief in Britain as a “global force for good” has fallen 10% since 2019. I, for one, am shocked to the core....”-Russ