#I’m tired and I’m deleting all of the hate mail

[baby-girl-aaron-dessner]

Every time I make a Pro-Palestine post, I get sent death threats and hate mail by alt-right Zionists. As does anyone brave enough to speak out on the genocide that’s currently unfolding. Yet y’all want me to have sympathy for Taylor Swift because she would be risking her “safety” if she spoke out on “political” matters??? Y’all are so out of touch with reality it’s sickening.

Take a minute out of your insular lives to check out the college students risking their education and their safety to protest genocide. Or the long list of celebrities such as SZA, Hozier and The Weeknd who have shown solidarity with the Palestinian cause. Or the millions of people all across the world who show solidarity through protesting, donating or posting.

Please, stop telling me you’re worried for a billionaire’s safety. Specifically a billionaire who used to speak out on issues because she wanted to be “on the right side of history” but abandoned that rhetoric once she rose to the top of the charts again.

[sarcastic-salem]

So before I say anything else I want to specify that

I am transgender but I have decided to stop taking hormones.

I don’t know right now if this decision is permanent or not. What I do know is that I thought I would be happier being on HRT. And I’m not. I’m not happier and I’m disappointed with the results, which for me have been minuscule.

I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells in the transmasculine community. At least with the people I’ve encountered. Because my definition of masculinity has evolved a lot, but it seems like a lot of trans men are very eager to conform to the heteronormative societal norms that define “traditional” masculinity. Whether its toxic or not, and just never speak of it again.

I can’t do that — I can’t make myself be someone I’m not. And, for me, its resulted in a lot of bullying and misogyny. I mean, I know there are other reasons but I feel like me being more feminine than other guys constitutes a lot of it.

Feminine men are treated like scapegoats in the transgender and queer community. “Masculine” men see us as the root of all evil — we’re the cause of all the homophobia and infantilizing. And TERFs see us as easy targets either for bullying or to be converted into their cults.

On top of that, I no longer believe in gender roles and I just can’t do it anymore. It feels like even mens’ clothing is designed to make a statement and to portray machismo.

I do not want to make a statement. I don’t want to be told that I’m brave for wearing floral prints or the color pink. I don’t want to have to justify my every move down to the clothes in my closet.

I am always going to spread awareness about Civil Rights, and I am always going to remind people that Loki is a queer, transgender God.

But I’m tired, I’m stressed out — I’m losing my fucking hair.

I just want to exist.

Right now, I identify as nonbinary specifically agender or pangender. I don’t think I am particularly masculine or feminine. I’m just me.

I am still transgender, but being a transgender bisexual Heathen does not mean that I have answers to every queer Heathens’ problems or that I know the solution to every Civil Rights issue or whatever.

One of the reasons the @lokisbookworm account got shut down is because, aside from getting hate mail and death threats for nearly 4 years, I was starting to feel like an unpaid therapist. I want you guys, my followers, to feel like you can come to me for anything because I love helping people and making people happy. I really do.

But I cannot tell you if you are transgender or not. That is not up to me to decide — that is for you to decide.

And I cannot tell you if the crow in your front yard or the joker card you found in a library book is a sign from Loki or Odin or whoever. I don’t speak for them, okay, and whether or not I think something is a sign is not a valid reason to just skip discernment. And assume the best or the worst.

Never skip discernment.

This account was created by accident. Technically. I had another one and because I have no idea how to navigate this app aside from the simplest shit like reblogging and making a post, that other account got shut down when I was trying to delete a side blog. But the reason this blog exists is because I am trying to be a genuinely better person and I want to try to have a positive impact.

I’m not perfect and I have fucked up a lot. You guys have no idea how much of a piece of shit I feel like every day. For being narrow minded and argumentative and accusatory. Its embarrassing but its also disappointing because like…….I try to explain and people don’t want to hear it. To an extent, I don’t blame them — actions speak louder than words, right?

But this is the fucking internet and I’m not the kind of person who documents every single second of my life with a live post or a selfie. So what do I do? I try not to argue with people. If there’s a post I disagree with, I usually back the fuck off. Unless I’m triggered and being stupid because I don’t think rationally when I’m triggered. And if someone posts things regularly that I disagree with or that upset me, I unfollow them to avoid getting into arguments.

I do fuck up, I know. Part of the reason why that is because I cannot comprehend why people are acting like Tumblr is not a social media platform. When that’s exactly what it is. I cannot understand why people are so offended when you comment or reply to their posts. Especially when they’re able to turn off the replies and the reblogs.

Like the entire concept of Tumblr etiquette is expecting people to censor themselves in a public forum.

Jfc, this post has gone off-topic but um……Yeah, I’m nonbinary and transgender. Still queer. But right now, I am going off of my hormones and I don’t know what comes next.

I am still Milo.

I don’t give a shit about pronouns. People have misgendered me so much irl, I don’t even care anymore.

Happy Yule

&

Blessed Holidays

[corditeheart]

honestly i’m really not sure where to put this but i’m tired of sitting on it, so like. 

seriously, the number of people who have just straight up ghosted me in verses/threads/on discord, etc, after expressing significant interest in writing (plotting, actual multiple threads, regularly sent asks), without a single word of reasoning (despite being the kind of people who are like “talk to me! we can be adults about this!”) is very fucking exhausting, and is the primary reason i disappeared for like three months. 

especially after i have gone out of my way to defend certain people and basically draw down a bunch of criticism on myself because of it. i ended up having to turn off non-mutual messaging on all of my blogs because of it, because i got REPEATEDLY harassed about people i chose to write with, and ended up with a period of anon-off because of some vitriolic hate mail i got. 

there were a lot of points during my break that i actually thought very seriously about deleting all of my 8 blogs and not coming back at all because of it. 

so, honestly, it would be super nice to know why the fuck people treat me like i’m straight up disposable and do not need to be acknowledged except as a last resort when they have nothing else to do and then just fuck off into the sunset without so much as a see you later!

[clovercoin]

Anti Social Ferret

Just some sad AJ ferret. Sadly I still get a lot of random hate comments/messages. I do my best to filter it all out, delete it right away, just don't read the long ones. So on and so forth. But... still when it's the majority of your mail it takes it's toll. I keep to myself. I don't advertise myself even though I should. I don't join artist's servers. I don't comment on public submissions anymore. I'm just.... so tired of the dogpiling. AJD . ART

[tiwuwu]

Orchid for my valentine's

This story is non-canon (not yet).

It takes place in the world of Remora’s Full.

It was February the 14th, 11AM. Cybele was leaning in her bed, looking frantically at her phone for an hour, waiting for a message, a call, whatever. Another hour passed. *ding!* Her phone made a notification sound. She hurried to check it and… it was just a newsletter from her favorite donut place. “Don’t know what to offer for Valentine’s ? Be sure to come to our store today ! 2 free donuts for any couple that comes check by !” She started to say out loud “Yikes, if only I had someone to take to that store… Ugh ! I hate Valentine’s !”. She deleted the mail she received and went back to her bed. Her stomach started to growl. “Ugh, I guess I’ll have to order some food… I don’t wanna get outside alone on that day, and I don’t have the energy to cook anything…”. Her phone ran out of battery. “Shit ! This day really is cursed… I think I’ll just try to sleep and wait for a better day…”

It didn’t take long for her to start sleeping, and she wished to dream of her. That girl that she was waiting for that day. A girl with a name starting with a N. N… Ne… “Nihil ! Nihil ! Nihil !” Cybele jolted while hearing knocks on her door ! “Goddamn nightmare ! That Mohg fight really traumatized me !” Heavier knocks pounded against her door. She answered : “Yeah, yeah ! I’m not deaf you know ?!” and went to open the door. “What is it for ? Flowers ? I don’t need some ! Chocolates ? Not for me !...” She stopped her rumbling when she noticed who was knocking at her door. It was her. Nemesis. With a bouquet of Miltonia orchids. After hearing about the “no flowers” thing, she quickly threw them on the side and said “He-hello ? Am I bothering ?”. Cybele didn’t answer and just glomped Nem. 

“Oi oi ! I guess I’m not bothering you.”

“You aren’t at all ! I’m just so happy to see you !” “You looked pretty angry before that, what happened to you ?”

“Oh nothing… That day just started really badly, but didn’t you bring flowers ?! Why did you throw them out ?!” “Oh ! Well, I was passing by and so I thought of saying hello to you. On the road, a woman gave me those flowers while telling me to give them to the man of my love. But since I love no man, I thought about giving them to you instead. But since you said you didn’t need them I threw them out before angering you even more…”

“You dummy !” Cybele ran outside to grab the flowers on the ground. Hopefully they weren’t damaged. “They’re so pretty ! Thank you so much ! Now I gotta find a vase for them…” 

Cybele never was given any flowers, so she never felt the need to buy a flower vase or pot. She grabbed her taller glass, filled it with water and put the bouquet into it. “Where do you think I should put it ?”

“I don’t know, the kitchen table is closer to you so that seems like a good place.” “Tch ! You really aren’t the romantic type !” “That word you said is out of my dictionary, sorry.” “What word ?” “Romantic.”

“You just said it ! Anyway, I’ll put it on my sleeping desk. It’ll make me a nice memory before going to sleep~”

The chit-chat between those two was interrupted by Cybele’s gargantuan stomach growl.

“You heard nothing !” She said out of panic.

“Didn’t you eat yet ? It’s past 1PM. You shouldn’t slack in bed and skip lunch.”

“I just had no energy to eat food today…”

“Do you want me to accompany you ? So if you feel too tired I can get you back home with no worries.”

After hearing those words, Cybele suddenly felt a spike of energy ! It was exactly what she was waiting for… a DATE. Not any type of date, a Valentine’s date with the girl she loved…

[eternize-i]

9th letter to death g. reaper

Sometimes I think about some words you told me. You told me that what I ever wanted was to have the same guy you were ten years ago. You confessed that wrote about me (or about what I felt about you, I dind’t understand this part). But... you practically expressed how unhappy you are. You see how misunderstood you seems? How can you teach me how to move on if you look sad too, death? I’m not saying that because of me, ‘cause cleary isn’t the case, but I see that you’re not happy, dear. 

You told me that you needed to leave the past behind to finally be happy. You told me that you don’t talk to anybody from your past. Ok. But you replied me??? What are you doing?? What you were you trying to say, death?? I don’t know why you kept that e-mail adress, and worst: you kept it and replied me. I know there was only one time, but you had so many options. You could delete the account, you could ignore me forever and all this stuff in the very first time you receive my e-mails. 

I’m tired to look for answers alone, but this is my fight. Not yours, not from anybody else but mine. I regret to not ask you what I were to you, if you thought about me, about us all this time and specially if you missed me. 

When you read the stuff I sent you, you never ever deny yours feelings for me. You never ever take back a single word that you’ve tell me years ago. Death, you never ever made me feel like I was worthless to you. I’m not saying that you love me and oh my God, I believe that you are crying right now for me. Isn’t it. I’m not that stupid or dumbess. I’m saying that all this years you were nothing but honestly with me when we talked about our feelings. I don’t care if you are guy, if you are girl, if you are whatever you can be. But our feelings. 

On the other hand, you wished me happiness. You wished me a beautiful life. You wished me healing. You said me something about to us getting free of this feelings. I swear to God that if I could ever hate you, this last sentence would be the reason. Tell me... How... Death, how... you can prefer to throw our feelings in the trash than to be happy with me? I... can’t understood. Death, nothing makes sense. Nothing is feair in our history. Nothing. Nothing. NOTHING. 

I already said a milion times that I forgave you. And still you ask for forgiven. Oh, baby, if you had just a clue how much I love you. How much I think about you. How you mark my life, you would understand that my heart doesn’t have space from anything but love for you. I don’t feel anger, sadness, nothing for you than love. So much love. I feel sad for you to think that because I love you that much, this means that I feel different about me. 

How can I not love myself if one of the reasons you've been so important to me is because you build who I am. You taught me everything that is part of my personality. I am strong because you taught me, even in hard times. You taught me everything I consider important in life. I love you my baby because I love who I was by your side. I love you, honey, because I love how much I grow when we talk. Like I said, even in bad times. You always teach me. Being with you brings me knowledge and you had no idea how much I love this adrenaline... I am my better version. I love my inteligence, how I face the world, my intensivite but also my coldness. I trully love. 

Do you know who taught me to be strong? Do you know who taught me the importance of english and other languages? Alessandro, do you have a fucking clue who taught me to defense myself and to be self sufficient? You taught me all this, you idiot! No matter how I try to say, how I try to show you, I can’t explain to you what I feel. I tought that you knew, baby. But no. I’m so thankful for everything you’ve done for me (I know that was unintentionally, but still. you’ve done). From the very first time you entered my life, you’ve changed her. You brought light, you made her better like none could ever do and never will. 

I told you that I dreamed with you almost every night. Unfortunately the dreams barely happens now, but when I wrote to you I said that the dreams were so real and was like if we were actually kissing. I felt you hug me, you talk to me, but never something unreal, impossible, was like if we met someday. I’m sure you knew what I was saying. I remember to pray every single night for almost an year. Every single night. I never failed. And I know that God helped me when you replied me, I know that Him was trying to bring me relief. I confess that I tought that too. I tought that what I needed were a kind of “goodbye” from you. I was wrong. 

Now, I want some space to talk to God. I’m constantly praying, I’m constantly asking for the exactly same thing in the past fourteen years. I admit that sometimes I get tired and I rest. Lord, I know that I have some defeats and probably I don’t deserve be with “death”, this is probably the reason why I’m far from him trough all these years. I know that I never met him, I never saw his face, I never felt his smell, I never taste him. I know it all. I know that than more I push in, more the situation scape from me. Again, I know it all. But again, I’m stubborn, I’m insistent and I’m not the kind of person that give up. At least, from him. I let You down so many times, I’m the perfect... black sheep. 

But with all of this, one thing I know I’m right. I know that I never lied for You, my Lord. And it’s about him. I’ve cried a lot because of “death”, and only we know this. This love broke me, this love made me go crazy, made me sadness, made me forget about everything and stay focus in one person. Only you, God, knows perfectly how I’ve tried to forgot him and my love for him. Only you, God, knows the storm that this love put me trought. BUT ONLY YOU, LORD, ONLY YOU knows how loving death grim reaper saved my life. How loving death grim reaper built my personality and who I am. So, again, I’m begging you to help me to get back this man to my life. No, I don’t need him in my life, I don’t need him to breathe and I will not die without him. However, been without him makes me wish to be dead. Makes me hate to be here. When I was with him, I enjoy the life. I loved to live and I had more reasons to keep here. I am extremaly passionate for him and I can’t, God, I can’t move on without him. He were my best friend, my best influence, the person that I knew that I could tell anything that would be here. 

So I ask for you, Lord... That take care of him for me, make sure that he will be VERY happy. He deserves the world, God. I would do anything for his happiness. Part of me, wants that he be happy but... with me. At least, with me on his life. I keep wondering why You made me live without him, WHY I can’t be part of his life? :( I change everything to make sure of his happiness. I feel that three years has past and his still not happy. Like I’m not happy. So... please, God, help me, please? Bring him back to my life? I want so much his happiness, I want that he can be loved and love too, ‘cause I trust in his heal. I know he were depressed, I know he has his own demons to fight to, and I swear: I wish ALL the good stuff for him. I love this man, God. And I know it’s clear for You. Don’t let me die without him, I do anything to deserve this. 

Hi again, dear. I promise that I’m finishing this letter. Well, this is the ninth letter I write to you. And in all these letters, I could say in different ways how I love you. How you’ve changed my life. How you are important to me. I know you never will read anything but I write. I write to make you live, to thank you for all those things you’ve done to me and I can’t tell you how I appreciate. I write because I love you.

I write

for you not die inside of me. 

I write

to take the pression of my chest

I write

because I can’t say

I write

because I can’t show

I write

because I can’t have you.

I write for you, about you. I love and I live you. 

I write to kept you alive and then kept me alive.

eu te amo, alessandro. eu-te-amo. eu/te/amo. e-u-t-e-a-m-o. eu te amo.

[neon-junkie]

i’m so tired of ‘new age fandoms.’

when i first joined tumblr YEARS ago, fandoms were the true definition of a safe space. you could post whatever ships, tropes, and characters you fancy. if people didnt like that, they would simply block you, block the post, or keep scrolling. there was rarely any hate mail, and when there was, people would show their support, even if you weren’t mutuals.

now, if you don’t post very specific ‘approved’ things, then a witch hunt will be sent after you. oh, you like villains? heres 15 death threats per hour, and they’re not going to stop until you delete all your blogs.

blocking no longer exists. if somebody doesn’t like your content, they will make call out posts, ensure that you feel unwelcome here, and won’t stop until you probably harm yourself.

fandoms are no longer a safe space, and dont get me started on the high demand for content.

‘fans’ demand fresh content multiple times per day. they work artists, writers, gif creators, etc to the bone, and if you ask for a simple reblog, you will be called ‘demanding’ and ‘needy’ for it. it doesnt matter how many hours, days, weeks, months you’ve spent on that piece, you’re getting no exposure or compliments for it.

if you don’t post something new multiple times a week, then the fandom will forget about you. you MUST be active in order to receive constant support and praise. and if you suddenly dip off the radar? you have probably given up, moved onto another fandom, or simply dont give a shit about your ‘supporters.’

i feel this constant pressure 24/7 to post post post. i feel the urge to write whatever bullshit my mind musters up, and post it, just so i can feel relevant and supported. i am tired of my content only being consumed, never praised or appreciated.

fandoms are tiring. creating content is tiring. and ‘fans’ only have themselves to blame for the thick hostility.

be nice. support each other. because if you don’t, there may one day never be any fandoms left.

[christinesficrecs]

Hey Christine! :D Hope you're having a good day, but I was wondering if you'll be able to recommend your favourite mpreg fics? Thank you so much for your time! :)

I’m so glad you asked! It was on my list but not everyone likes them 🤷🏻‍♀️ Anyways, I love the first one so much!! Also, Grimm’s fic has been deleted so the wayback version is linked or check the dropbox. Lastly, Dexterous_Sinistrous writes all the mpreg fics and they are ALL amazing! Find them here. 

The Second Coming (of Werewolf Jesus) by lupinus, uraneia | 40.1K | Explicit

Stiles was enjoying his senior year until his crazy English teacher decided he made the best candidate to gestate Derek's kid. Now Stiles is a seventeen-year-old pregnant dude and he and Derek have to figure their shit out, because in nine months they are going to be tied together for the rest of their lives.

a mountain to climb by grimm | 126.4K | Explicit

"Don’t do it,” he mutters. “Don’t do it, please, don’t do it.”

But there it is, a soft pink line appearing right next to the control. Stiles’ legs give out from under him; he sinks to the bathroom floor, hands shaking, his entire body shaking. It’s hard to breathe, his vision blurring around the edges. There’s a knock on the door behind him and then it opens and Scott sits down next to him.

“I’m fucked,” Stiles gasps, tears prickling at his eyes. “I’m fucked!"

The Well of Living Waters by kalpurna | 30.3K | Explicit

King Derek takes a consort.

Ukochany by VincentMeoblinn | 34.1K | Explicit

Derek comes home to find a mail order husband and two amused betas waiting for him. When he realizes their prank was far from harmless he ends up saddled with a husband who barely speaks English but insists Derek is the love of his life. He's also determined to win him over.

Survival of the Species by Lissadiane | 19.3K | Explicit

In which Derek's pack is apparently stable enough to begin planning for the future, and somehow, the universe has decided Stiles is the perfect candidate to bear his alpha's children.

Settle Down by wearing_tearing, whatthehale | 153.1K | Explicit

Stiles is a struggling author barely making ends meet.

Derek is a successful architect whose biological clock is ticking.

Enter a surrogacy agency, two packs, and a particularly sticky and toe curling heat week and you get a match made in heaven.

No Vacancy by KaliopeshipsIt | 34.9K | Mature

"29-Year Old Omega (muscular/scruffy/perpetual sourface) Seeking for Alpha-Baby-Daddy. Might or might not be named Stiles"

Derek is an unusually muscular Omega with irregular heats and dumb luck.

Stiles is an unusually polite Alpha who forgets to leave his number.

Laura is a furious Alpha who wants to wear Stiles' balls on a golden chain.

Cora is a pragmatic Alpha who composes Craigslist ads.

From This Moment by SylviaW | 16.7K | Mature

After discovering Derek is pregnant, Stiles offers to be his “Pregnancy Buddy.” On top of the usual difficulties of carrying a child, Stiles has to navigate Derek’s emotional turmoil from the traumatic event that conceived the baby, and his own feelings that he’s developing for Derek.

Your Baby and Me by tearsandholdme | 134.4K | Mature

“Him, you recommended, and he seems fit for the job,” Derek said, handing the application to her flashing a charming smile. “Stiles Stilinski, he's going to carry my pup.”

Lunches, Knitting and Definitely Not Dating by attackofthezee (noxlunate)

So, I uh, managed to get myself pregnant.”

“You what?!”

“Got myself pregnant. Y’know, up the duff, knocked up, a bun in the oven, in a family way, eating for two, with child. I could go on Dad, really, stop me before I exhaust the list of pregnancy euphemisms. There’s still caught an 18 year STD, my eggo is preggo, building a person-“

“Stiles.”

I Still Believe by IAmAVeronica | 111.4K | Explicit

War is hell. Falling in love with enemy solider Derek Hale, secretly mating him, and then accidentally being left behind by him when the war suddenly and violently ends is a special kind of hell apparently reserved for one human omega Stiles Stilinski. But Stiles is determined to find his mate again, because Derek left more than just Stiles in a war-ravaged and werewolf-hating country - and with danger at every turn and nothing but Derek's gun and his own wits for protection, hell hath no fury like Stiles now.

Things We Lost by Dexterous_Sinistrous | 20K | Explicit

Who … who am I to wed?”

A small flash of guilt covered the king’s features before he was able to recover. “Your union will join the royal families—joining our family to the Hales.”

Dread and sorrow sunk in Stiles’ stomach as he closed his eyes.

There was only one Hale left unharmed by the great fire that nearly wiped out the entire royal family—the Dread Wolf of Triskelia, Crowned King Derek Hale.

monday i can fall apart but by friday i'm in love by tryslora | 5.6K | Mature

It's just past five in the morning and Stiles is barely awake, wearing only sleep pants that hang low below his pregnant belly, and he can't get the damned brand new jar of decaf coffee open. But he has a neighbor, and he's too tired to think that waking someone else up at this hour might not be the best (or politest) of ideas.

[jamiethetrans]

Women of SVU - Day 4 - Under the influence of strong medicine, alcohol or edibles

Alexandra Cabot x Reader

AN: Hey everyone!

Sorry about the long wait. Got a lot going on at the moment, and needed some time away to clear everything out.

I’m currently on waiting list to get testosterone/hormones for my transitioning and I’ve waited for almost six months now, so it’s taking quite a toll on me at the moment.

Plus I’m changing location of my job because I hate the current managers and everything is just going very slowly when you have a whole month ahead of you with those people still.

But I am back and I’m planning on writing more than ever!

Sorry about the spam of all the stories and chapters but needed everything transferred before deleting the account.

Hope you like this one!

- Jamie

•

"Would you say you're a charming man, mr. Brown?", Alex asked as she began her cross examination, looking down in her files. Both you and Olivia scoffed at the way the man's face instantly turned into a smirk. Not to mention the biggest one yet in the four hours the trial had taken so far.

"I would say I'm rather charming yes", he answered and Alex looked up from her papers meeting the man's eyes.

"So you don't have trouble finding women?"

The man shook his head. "No. It has never been an issue"

"Then why rape Bridget Harper?"

"Objection!", the defense called and the judge nodded.

"Withdrawn", Alex quickly said though before the judge could say anything and conitued. "Mr. Brown is it true that miss Harper worked at your firm for almost ten years before you fired her?"

"I didn't fire her, she decided to leave the company herself", he countered and Alex gave a weird smile towards him.

"It's funny you should say that”, she said walking back to her desk. “Because in this e-mail, people's exhibit fourteen, you're using the exact line 'You're fired'. And from her respones, it doesn't give any clue nor indication that she herself put down her resignation", she countered back and mr Broan immedietly froze looking down. He looked down at his fingers and you smirked as you sat next to Olivia.

"I-I didn't mean-"

"She also writes, and I qoute 'You're only firing me because I told you no. And then you raped me" You turned and wathced as Bridget let a tear fall down her cheek. "She's accusing you of raping her"

"I didn't-"

"She told you no. You couldn't take no for an answer so you raped her and fired her for it", Alex said and mr. Brown sighed and looked down. "Nothing further", she said and walked back to her seat.

Right in that moment, mr. Brown turned to one of his people from behind the defense table and one of them suddenly stood from his seat. You immediately noticed the gun in his hand, pointing it at Alex and you stood from your seat and held up your own gun.

“Drop the gun!”, you yelled and the man turned, redirecting his gun towards you. You quickly shot him in his shoulder and everyone screamed and got down on their knees.

Before you could react you heard another gunshot and felt a heavy amount of pain in your own shoulder, falling to the ground. “Y/n!”, Olivia yelled and the shooter was quickly shot down as well. She brought her hand to your shoulder and held the wound tightly.

“Stay with me y/n. Stay with me”

You felt yourself slowly getting tired as you saw the blood floating from your body and onto the wooden floor. You turned your head and saw a wave of blonde. “Y/n? Y/n stay with us”

The last thing you saw was blue eyes and a wave of blonde getting closer to your face.

•

When you opened your eyes again you saw a small hand in yours and immediately squeezed it as hard as you could but for the small hand it only came as a soft squeeze. “Mom! Mom she’s awake”, a voice yelled and you feel your head already banging.

“Ssshh, easy Noah”, a soft voice said and you turned your head slightly to see your Captain walking towards you from her seat on the couch. “Hey champ, how you feeling?”

You chuckled giving her a nod. “I’m good thanks. What happened?”

“I drove with you to the hospital while Fin drove Alex over here. They’re in the cafeteria getting some coffee”, she said and you sighed turning to Noah who stood next to his mother. You had always adored the boy and you would do anything for him.

“Hey kid”

“Hey auntie y/n”

You chuckled and right there the door opened and you all turned to see Fin and Alex walk in, Kat and Rollins following up. “Hey kid, how are you feeling?”, Fin asked and you chuckled. He always called you kid. No matter where it was.

“I’m fine Fin. My shoulder hurts like hell though”

They all gave you sad smiles and you rolled your eyes. “Don’t give me those pity looks. I’m fine”

They all let out small laughs and your eyes met Alex’s. Oh how you loved her eyes. Sea blue with a hint of choral green.

“Alright miss y/l/n”, a voice suddenly said and you all turned to see the doctor coming in. “You’re awake. How’s the shoulder? Any pain?”

You wanted to be strong. Show your strength to your colleagues, to Alex. You wanted to show it to Noah, showing him you were his strong aunt that could survive anything. But the pain was just too unbearable. So you nodded and moved your neck away from him.

Olivia walked over to Fin and squeezed his shoulder. “We should let her be”, she whispered and Fin nodded. She turned to Kat and Rollins and they both understood the gesture.

They all left the room after goodbyes to you and that left Alex standing alone by the end of the bed. “I will give you some pain relievers, it should hold the pain down for a while”, the doctor said and you nodded. He walked out of the room and you turned meeting Alex’ eyes.

“Hey you”, she whispered and you smiled softly, trying to hold back the tears. She walked over to you and let her hand softly squeeze yours. “God you scared the crap out of me”, she said and you chuckled.

“Sorry. But I’m fine. I’m getting painkillers and I will get better, okay?”

She nodded and gave you a weak smile, your hands tangled together.

•

When you opened your eyes you immediately noticed you were alone. You turned your head and saw the bright light shine through the curtains. You felt yourself getting light headed, not able to control your own brain. It felt like that anyway.

The door opened and you Olivia walked in, Fin right behind her. “Eeey, my cap and my serg”, you said with a lousy smile. The two shared a look and you held out your hand for Olivia to take.

“How is my beautiful Captain today, mmh?”, you asked and the woman couldn’t stop herself from chuckling.

“I’m fine y/n, how are you?”

“Oh pft! I’m fine!”, you said with a pitched voice and Fin frowned at your behavior. Olivia simply chuckled, happy to see you in a better mood than yesterday.

The door opened again and you widened your eyes at the sight your partner. “Katty. Katty! Oh my god I have missed you so much!”, you said with a wide smile and Kat frowned with a smile at the nickname, turning to Olivia who simply shook her head.

“I’ve missed you too girl”, she said and you smiled wide.

“Oh of course you do. You and I? We are the best partners in New York!”, you said and extended a turned fist towards her. She smiled at the action and extended her own turned fist towards yours, doing your handshake. Up and down, meet in the middle for a fist bump before making a finger gun, firing it off.

The door opened again and Alex walked in, a file in her hands. Your eyes widened and smiled wide. “Alex!”

The blonde turned to you and smiled. “Y/n. How are you feeling?”

“Oh I am so good! I feel like I’m on fire! And that’s not just because of the meds”, you said giving her a wink and Alex’ cheeks reddened at a blush. Kat raised her eyebrows turning to Amanda who looked just as shocked.

“You guys wanna know a secret?”, you asked chuckling, feeling yourself getting higher. “I’m secretly in love with Alex”, you half whispered, holding your hand to the side of your mouth, meeting Kat’s eyes.

Kat widened her eyes, Amanda slamming her palm to her mouth while Fin turned to the others. Olivia turned to Alex who stood frozen in place looking at you.

It had only been a week since the blonde had come to her apartment and confessed her feelings for you. They had talked about it for hours, Alex practically exploding her heart into the apartment.

“But don’t tell her!”, you said obviously to the tension filling up between the others. “She doesn’t feel the same so please don’t”

Kat found herself nodded with a smile. “Of course partner”

You smiled nodding and soon you fell asleep, the meds taking all of your energy out.

•

The day you went back to work, you had your arm in a sling, your shoulder completely covered in bandages. Kat was the first to notice you as you stepped into the squad room and she stood from her seat faster than ever before.

You groaned at the tightness of her hug, feeling your shoulder complaining at the amount of pressure. “Sorry”, she whispered and you shook your head.

“S’okay”

You made your handshake before you turned and saw Amanda standing ready. You let her hug you as well, though a little softer. “How you feeling?”

“Better. The painkillers are definitely doing their job”, you said and the two women shared a look making you frowned at them. “What?”

“Nothing”, they both said in unison and you raised a perfect eyebrow at them as Amanda walked back to her seat. You shook it off and sat down by your desk, feeling relief wash over your body as you were finally back to work. God how you’ve missed it.

You sat and worked on a few reports for the next hour and you were almost done when you heard the familiar heels sounding through the entire squad room. You turned and met Alex’s eyes and the woman gave you a linear smile.

“Detective. Good to see you back on your feet”, she said and you sat completely tranced in her beauty. And completely unaware of what had happened at the hospital.

“It’s good to be back”, you said in a haste, blinking your eyes and she smiled at you. “I’ve missed working”, you continued.

“Of course you have. You’re a workaholic. Working is what you’re best at”, she said and you froze for a moment looking at her.

“Are you o–“

“Alex. Good you could make it”, Olivia came and interrupted and you watched as the blonde followed the brunette inside.

“You okay?”, a voice sounded through your ears and you turned to Tamin who gave you a soft smile.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m good. Wha... what was that about?”

“You don’t remember?”

You frowned at her quizzed expression and you shook your head gently. You had absolutely no idea what had happened. “What?”

Tamin turned to Rollins who sighed with a nod, telling her you deserved to know. Taming turned back to you who still sat with a frown.

“You were high on meds. You…”, she trailed off.

“I what?”

“You… you confessed your feelings for Alex to me”, she said and you blushed hard.

“Uhm… okay. Well, that’s not that ba–“

“While everyone else was there too”, she continued and this time you froze.

“You… you mean…”, you were unable to finish and both Tamin and Rollins nodded their heads.

All the color suddenly drained from your face and you turned towards Liv’s office and instantly met Alex’s eyes.

Shit

•

“Another?”

You turned to the sound and noticed the bartender standing in front of you, looking down at your now empty glass of scotch.

“Yeah sure”

The bartender took the bottle and poured, you watching the liquid fall into the glass.

“You sure that’s healthy for you?”, a voice suddenly asked and you turned to see Olivia standing next to you.

“Well, it’s too late now”, you said and Olivia rolled her eyes with a smile and sat down next to you, the bartender immediately noticing.

“Captain?”

Olivia shook her head with a smile at the question before turning to you. “You should talk to Alex. She’s been absolutely out her mind since you got shot”, she said and you chuckled.

“Really? She’s not scared since I basically confessed my heart out in front of everyone?”, you said and Olivia chuckled.

“Well you’re not the only one who’s confessed their heart out”

You frowned at her and Olivia smiled. “She adores you y/n. She absolutely adores you. Go talk to her”

You sat and stared at your drink for a moment debating your thoughts before standing from your seat. “Thanks Liv”

Olivia smiled at the kiss she received on her cheek before watching you leave the bar faster than ever before. She smiled and looked down at your still full glass and turned to the bartender. “Give me her tab”

•

It was just past ten when Alex heard a knocking on her door, frowning at the sudden guest at this time. She stood from the coach, turning the tv down before walking over to the front door.

When she opened she met your eyes and froze. “Y/n?”

You stood still staring into her eyes and Alex felt herself blush under your gaze. You stood for a solid minute staring into each other’s eyes, her blue ones the most beautiful ones you ever laid your eyes on.

“You want to come in?”, Alex suddenly asked and you nodded walking in. You noticed the tv and smiled.

“Say yes to the bride”, you read and turned to the prosecutor who blushed.

“What? I like the program”, she said and you smiled.

“It’s okay, I’m not judging. I like it too”, you said, trying to make her feel better about her little guilty pleasure. You caught yourself staring into her eyes again and blushed hard clearing your throat.

“May I… May I watch it… with you?”

Alex smiled at the small voice you used to ask and nodded. “I’d love that”

You smiled wide and sat down in the couch, Alex sitting next to you. You were about five minutes in when Alex began commenting on the dresses, and you laughed every time. Either they were too ugly or too big or just didn’t suit the woman who was wearing it.

“Wow Alex, if I knew you would be so savage with this program, I would have watched it with you sooner”

“Shut up”, she said hitting your arm and you laughed making her smile as well.

“This is nice”, you said after a while and she smiled. She laid her head on your shoulder, her hand squeezing your arm and you felt yourself blush.

“You know, don’t you?”, you asked into the silence and Alex turned to you, her eyes meeting yours. Your faces were so close now and you felt your heart beat faster.

“Know what?”

You knew she was challenging you. You could see it in her eyes. She wanted you to say it.

“That I have feelings for you”, you whispered and Alex stared into your eyes for a while, her hand coming to softly stroke your cheek.

“You should know too then”, she said and you furrowed your eyebrows.

“Know what?”

“That I have feelings for you too”

Before you could get a word out, she brought your face closer and brought your lips together in a chaste kiss.

[justcourttee]

Call It What You Want-One Shot Song Prompt

So, I recently saw @marimacaron​ post this song prompt fic for daminette and I absolutely loved it and knew I had to try and write it! I hope it’s close to what you imagined :)

Marinette’s eyes fell to the glittering rock on her left hand, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips as she hit post on her computer. Within seconds, hundreds of comments and likes flooded her Instagram from fans and friends alike, most wishing her well for her engagement, a few earning a chuckle at their distress that she was now ‘off the market’.

She reached forward to shut her laptop when one comment in particular caught her eye.

@alyabloglyfe: Why are you still vying for attention? We all know @queenlyla is engaged to Damian Wayne, I mean, why would he be interested in a liar and bully like you?

Already, twenty fans were fighting the girl’s comment, dissing Alya and defending Marinette’s honor, but it didn’t seem to help the punch to the gut she was experiencing. Her fingers lingered over the keyboard, the room seeming to blur around her.

All of a sudden, she felt fifteen again, trapped in her bedroom only being able to scroll through the hate mail that flooded her inbox from all of her former friends. She thought that begging her parents to allow her to pull out of school and switch to an online platform would deter them from attacking her so often, but it only made things worse as they became more confident and vile in their bullying as they could hide behind a screen.

Every night, Marinette would cry herself to sleep wondering what she did so wrong to deserve all of this until one day she decided it would be enough. She deleted all of her social media, even taking down her MDC commissions page, asking her clients to meet her in person or via phone call to schedule fittings and commissions. And it worked, at least for a little while, until they started to vandalize her parent’s bakery, breaking windows and spray painting signs, the cops never seeming to catch them.

Her fingers tapped out the first sentence of her response, her eyes absentmindedly glazed over as she wrote a paragraph, then two, all directed to Alya. She was about to hit send when she felt a pair of arms snake around her shoulders, warm breath tickling the back of her ears.

“How’d your fans take the news?” his deep voice felt like a lifeline as she slammed her laptop shut, blinking away the empty feeling Alya had brought.

He let out a low whistle as he unwinded himself, allowing her to stand up from the desk and fall into his outstretched arms.

“That good, huh?”

She forced out a dry laugh as she buried her face into his chest.

“Just a few people upset that I’m officially a taken woman.”

It was his turn to laugh as she pulled back, taking in the sight of his carefree face. It was always so beautiful, so much peace that he held, all reserved for her.

“Do you have any plans tonight? You know Richard will want to host an exaggerant engagement feast.” He rolled his eyes, but his smile gave him away. She knew he secretly loved being the center of attention, especially when it came to his family.

“I’ll make sure to have everything done by 5 today, promise.”

Ducking under his arms, she slung her purse over her head, making a beeline for the door.

“Do you need Alfred to escort you?” he called after her retreating figure but it was too late, she was gone.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Exiting the fabric store, Marinette made her way down Gotham’s winding streets, her head in another place as she tried to recall anything she could’ve missed.

“This is why you should’ve brought your list with you Marinette!” Tikki popped their head out of her purse, their arms crossed in a scolding manner.

“I would have Tikki, but you know how overprotective he is. He would’ve insisted I waited for Alfred to come down to the apartment to drive me and no offense to Alfred, but sometimes a girl just wants to be alone.”

Her pace slowed as a familiar landscape came into her sight.

“Oh wow Tikki, I haven’t been here in almost three years.” her voice trailed off as she scanned over the construction crew working on the new gymnasium.

“Gotham Academy! This is where you transferred to right?”

She didn’t answer the small God as she took a step forward, placing a hand on the elegant banisters leading up the school stairs. The fresh scent of cleaning supplies filled her nostrils as she closed her eyes, her mind falling back to the comment from earlier.

She was only sixteen when her parents allowed her to transfer. It was in both of their best interests as they couldn’t afford to keep repairing the bakery her former friends destroyed. She was a mere shell of a person when she entered those doors for the first time. She had already decided that she wasn’t going to make any friends this time around, after all, no friends meant no one to stab her in the back, as they all do eventually.

But then something strange happened. The student who was assigned to show her around for the first week was just as cold and calculated. His thorns were just as sharp as hers, neither opening up much to the other. She had planned for warm and inviting, the fake friends trying to pry her open, but she hadn’t planned for someone to hold her attention, someone as cold as her.

One week turned into two, and then a month passed and she dared to consider him her friend.

“Marinette? Marinette? Are you still in there?”

She slowly opened her eyes to a concerned kwami, Tikki’s small hands shaking her nose to the best of their ability.

“I’m fine Tikki, just a bit of reminiscing I suppose.”

Continuing again, Marinette soon found herself in front of her studio. The little bell rang through the place as ten heads popped up, all wearing bright smiles. Unique almost tackled her in a hug before the door had even closed.

“Marinette! We were so excited when you posted this morning! It was sooo hard keeping your relationship a secret when customers asked!”

Hannah and Brooke nodded in agreement as the girls all left their work stations to admire her ring.

“Can we help you design your wedding dress?” Hannah clasped her hands together, earning a chorus of please’s throughout the room.

Marinette chuckled as she brought the women into a big group hug.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now, enough small talk, let’s get down to business, anything new?”

It was as if someone switched a flip in the room, the girls jumping from excited to serious as they all handed in folders, giving her a brief of each new commission. It was going to be a long day of work, certainly. . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . Her keys jiggled in the apartment lock as she practically fell in, all of her energy drained.

“Damian? Do we have any coffee?”

She didn’t hear an answer as she reached for the cupboard, bringing down her favorite mug. Damian had given it to her a month into them dating. Her fingers absentmindedly reached to her neck where a small D sat on an elegant gold chain.

“I don’t understand Mari-san. You wearing his initial is a statement that he owns you. How is that romantic?”

She adjusted her phone to give Kagami a better look at the necklace, smiling softly as she held the D between two fingers.

“Because Kagami it’s not like that, I don’t wear it cause he ‘owns me’. I wear it because for the first time in a while, I really feel like someone really knows me, ya feel?”

“I do not ‘feel’ but if you are happy, then it is an acceptable gift, as is the coffee mug with the picture of you two.”

The whistle from the coffee machine drew her attention back to the present as Tikki flashed her a smile from where they sat on the Keurig.

“Thank you Tikki. I’m going to need this,” she held up her steaming mug, a tired smile flashing gratefully at the God.

Downing the cup, she placed it in the sink before pulling out her phone seeing three missed texts from Damian stating he would be home soon.

“Well Tikki, at least I’m not the one running late for once.” The two shared a small laugh before they headed towards her bedroom to get dressed for the night. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Damian squeezed her hand tightly as they made their way through Wayne Manner’s garden.

“There could be a small thousand here tonight, are you ready for that Mrs Wayne?”

His smile was blinding as her heart beat rapidly at the sound of him calling her by his last name.

“I most certainly am Mr. Wayne.”

As they rounded the corner to the back of the gardens, Marinette couldn’t help but laugh at the number of people Dick had invited. Loud cheers erupted from every inch of the yard causing her entire face to flash red.

“I might’ve underestimated, I’d say at least three thousand.”

He squeezed her hand once more before he was pulled off into the crowd. She smiled at the genuine fear crossing his face as people began berating him about children so soon.

“Well, well, well, a beautiful woman in distress. Please allow me to be your stand in to ward off the power hungry tonight.”

Jason slung his arm over her shoulders earning a laugh from the smaller girl.

“I am eternally grateful for your services Monsieur Todd.”

They chatted lightly as he led her back to where her future family all stood, all practically vibrating from excitement, even Bruce.

“Mari! I’m so excited! I really thought he was going to force me to hold this a secret for forever.”

Dick pulled her into a bone crushing hug, only pulling back when Barbara and Stephanie forced him to. They each took their turns expressing their excitement for the wedding, Tim even going as far as to say he never thought it would happen.

“What? We were all thinking it! Demon spawn? Happy and smiling all the time? It’s scary!” he shuddered sending another round of laughter throughout the group.

Marinette brought up her phone, snapping a picture, posting it immediately to her Insta.

@mdcdesigns: So excited to officially be a part of this family. (not that I haven’t considered them family for years now :))

She was about to slide her phone back into her purse when something caught her attention. Almost instantly, a private message from Alya sat in her inbox. She wanted to ignore it, but the curiosity was eating her up.

@alyabloglyfe: Soo what?You don’t post for months and all of a sudden you show up with a double post about a supposed engagement to Damian Wayne?

What is this?

A publicity stunt?

A desperate cry to try and hurt Lyla even after all these years?

I demand an answer ‘bestie’

Her heart beat clenched at the last message as she felt the tears trying to pool in her eyes. So many years had passed and Alya still believed her to be the liar and failure that Lila painted her out to be.

She wanted to respond to the messages, but she wasn’t even sure what to say. Her fingers lingered over her keyboard as she looked up, trying to collect her thoughts. Then she saw him. His calm smile, his shining green eyes, the love radiating from him all directed to her. His eyes met hers as he excused himself from the person he was talking to.

“Are you alright habibti?”

His arm snaked around her waist, pulling her into his side. It was as if everything faded away, the only thing she could see was him. Standing on her tiptoes, she gently placed a kiss on his cheek.

“I’m doing better than I ever was.”

He smiled, seemingly satisfied with her answer as she unlocked her phone once more, her fingers moving quickly across the keyboard.

@mdcdesigns: Alya, I don’t need this from you or Lila anymore. I have a world famous business, 1.3 million followers and fans, a loving new family and a fiance who loves me like I’m brand new despite the damage you put me through.

You don’t really want to know what I call this, because you’ll only distort it to fit your fantasy that Lila painted for you so you know what?

Call it what you want :)

She moved to the top of the screen, blocking her old friend without a second thought. After all, she had her new life and it had no room for the past to ruin that. Raising her glass, she leaned forward to clink it with the rest, a new sense of relief flowing through her.

“To Damian, for finally proposing before I had to.”

They all cheered to his mock protests as they brought their flutes to their lips, celebrating the next chapter in their lives, not a single worry filling the space, only love.

Permanent Tag List:

@damianette-is-life @ash-amg @rebecarojas07

[thealexchen]

im really sorry that you're getting spammed with all the ask boxes while some people make good points or speaking facts or spoke something you/we may or may not agree with, you don't have to post ALL of them, you could pick the ones you like and agree with. don't overstress yourself and keep posting what you like.

Hey thank you, I think I needed to hear this. I’m happy to be a place where people feel comfortable enough to start a discussion, respond to each other, etc., but I have opinions and feelings too, and I don't just want to be a neutral blank slate for people to talk to. Also, as my critique has shown, I’m so over LiS2. I've been over LiS2 for awhile. I haven't really been in the mood to talk about it in over a year. There are a lot of other blogs who would love to talk about LiS2 much more than me (and by extension, Rachel Amber and David and Finn and other controversial characters).

What's tough about anon asks is I can try my best to get my points across, but I have no idea who's reading them and if my response gets seen by the OP. And then there are just plain bizarre asks like the anon who thought I was "too old" for LiS even though I stopped publicly sharing my age on tumblr three years ago. And I've already had to delete some flat-out hate mail. Don't get me wrong, a good 90% of the asks I get are engaging and fun, but it can get tiring to rehash the same topics. I miss writing headcanons. I miss talking about TC. I’d rather talk about lighter subjects than dive into the trickiest, most controversial parts of the franchise all the time.

Thanks for sending this ask and checking in. I think I might need a break.

[nattikay]

casual followers u should probably go ahead and scroll past and just ignore this post. people who know me better/are close friends, you can keep going I guess

ngl I don’t feel entirely safe posting this and it might be a huge mistake but,,,idk

continue at your own risk

will probably delete,,,

.

.

anyways,,,

.

sometimes I get very frustrated because I feel like I’m the odd one out in practically every group I’m involved in. Like, almost no matter what community I involve myself with, there’s almost always a slew of members who don’t like me based on some other community I’m in.

this is actually the one i’m most afraid to say here due to past experience, but I feel it’s where the list needs to start. Furries don’t like me because I’m conservative (uh oh, I said the c word. hateful “clearly they only dislike u cuz ur obviously a BIGOT!!!1!!1″messages will be ignored and deleted I don’t have the energy to deal with these kinds of arguments right now so don’t even bother. I have never advocated for harassment of anyone for any reason, I have never called anyone slurs, I have never treated anyone differently for their identity, nor would I as I think those are all pretty crappy things. the “worst” I did was try to explain some tumblr-unpopular opinions several years ago after being explicitly asked (if not kinda attacked in some cases) and I deleted those posts so please if you’re coming in with that kind of message just don’t I’m so tired). 

On the flip side, conservatives don’t like me because I’m a furry (usually because they’re sorely misinformed about what furries actually are but I digress (actually I’m pretty sure furries etc. are also pretty misinformed about conservatives and are under the impression that we’re all just Backwards Seething Redneck Bigots Intent On Hurting Everyone™ or w/e which is not true but I double digress)).

Other fandom folks here on tumblr (and other places but this is where I hang the most), as well as really the internet “art” community in general, also don’t like me for being more conservative. There’s a reason I keep my ask box off 99% of the time: I’ve gotten some really nasty hate mail in the past and it got to the point that just seeing that notification on that little letter icon caused a spike of anxiety every time, even if the message ultimately turned out to be friendly.

Fandom/art folks also tend to not like me for being Christian. Meanwhile, other Christians dislike me for being LDS specifically. I’ve had multiple instances where I’d follow a Christian blog only to have to unfollow later because they started reblogging anti-LDS posts.

LDS folks don’t really dislike me for anything in my experience, but it is hard to find fellow members who happen to share my nerdy interests (furries, fandoms, etc.)

I don’t know why I find myself attracted to interests that seem to predominantly attract liberals or despite being not that 

and while I am perfectly happy to be friends with people with different worldviews than myself and very much believe in treating everyone with basic decency regardless...well, it would still be nice to find likeminded folks in both interest and worldview rather than always one-or-the-other y’know?

...

...i don’t know why people are so desperate to be unique and “different”

being the odd one out isn’t fun or quirky

it’s lonely

.

.

.

i could say more/go into more specifics but I feel like a lot of people are already mad and/or making poor assumptions as-is so I’ll stop here

again will probably delete soon

just had to vent i guess 

this post might be a mistake

i’m tired

[ohsnapcracklepopfriends]

To be named GGMU fic: Part three - Drunk Mancs and Karaoke Don't Mix

After way too long, I'm back with another instalment of my GGMU fic (three parts down, four to go). Sorry, it took so long, life has been insanely hectic. I just wrote this in an hour of power writing, I hope you like it. Part one and part two if you haven't read them <3

Christmas parties at Sky were generally a disaster. Not only did they usually involve a room full of people all too competitive for their own good, there was usually the presence of both alcohol and cell phones which were a dangerous combination. All of this was worse to witness sober. Jamie had made the terrible decision of being the designated driver. Gary had one rule that he’d made clear to Jamie when they first started going out together: do not put drunk Gary in a cab. Gary’s a handsy drunk with zero self-control. They both know sitting in the back of a cab with drunk Gary was a recipe for a traumatized cabbie and a couple of disastrous news articles in the morning. So Jamie had agreed to drive, and that was fine. He was fine with it, truly. Jamie watched as Gary danced around in the bar they had rented out, jumping around freely while Graeme looked on with his disapproving grimace. Jamie wished he could be dancing with him, blaming it on the alcohol.

Jamie took a sip of his apple juice--which was fucking good, okay? Back off. He swished it around in his mouth, pretending it was something stronger. He swallowed and looked up. Gary was still jumping around without a care in the world. Jamie could tell he was really drunk. Gary was a total lightweight and he’d probably had about four beers to get to this point. Jamie chuckled to himself, thinking back to the nights they’d shared together when they first started dating. They’d spent quite a few nights on the floor of Gary’s living room with a bottle of wine and a bag of crisps. Jamie treasured those nights. He treasured the moments where Gary was buzzing and less scared of his emotions, letting them just enjoy their time together without Gary’s mind spinning.

Gary looked in Jamie’s direction. His face lit up when he saw Jamie leaning against the counter. He scrambled over until he stood right up against Jamie’s shoes.

“Did you see Redders?” Gary asked in a rush. Jamie laughed at the big goofy smile on his lips. He did, in fact, see Redders. Redders had taken to the small stage in the corner after his third pint. He’d been singing away at the top of his lungs--very poorly, Jamie might add--for the past hour or so.

“I want to sing, James. Come sing with me.” He tugged at Jamie’s arm. Jamie had fallen for this trap before. Last year he’d made the mistake of joining Gary for some drunk karaoke and ended up trending on Twitter. Jamie was not a singer for a reason.

“I’m sure Redders will sing with you” Jamie offered. Gary pouted. Gary was one of those people who were easy to imagine as a child. He could see a younger Gary in the way he acted when he was tired, grumpy, stubborn, and bleary-eyed. He could see a younger Gary in the way he giggled at Jamie’s jokes. He could see a younger Gary in the way he pouted during times like this, trying to sway Jamie to agree with him. It worked more than Jamie liked to admit.

“I’ll come and watch you?” Jamie tried to bargain again. Gary nodded this time and dragged Jamie towards the stage. Jamie happily let himself be pulled along. Gary’s hand was warm and sweaty where it was clutching at Jamie’s, but Jamie didn’t mind. After playing football for that long, he couldn’t be bothered by sweat anymore. After one testimonial match, Jamie found he actually liked Gary sweaty: he liked to lick beads of sweat off of Gary’s furrowed brows and watch him shutter--but that’s a story for another time.

Jamie wished they could stay like this, Gary holding his hand tightly, tugging insistently on it every few seconds, but all too soon, they found themselves at the stage. Gary dropped his hand and hopped up onto the small, wooden platform. Redders was still on the stage, red-faced and (poorly) belting the ending to Tainted Love. The stage was so small that the two men took up most of the space. Gary reached behind Redders to grab the second microphone. He grabbed Redders by the shoulder and whispered in his ear. Redders’ amused smile made Jamie nervous: what the hell did this drunk idiot have in mind?

Redders jumped off the stage with far too much grace for someone as injury prone and drunk as Jamie knew he was. He ran over to the karaoke machine and picked their song before scurrying back onto the stage to join Gary. Jamie was confused when the guitar started and he couldn’t place it.

“I got chills--” Redders started to sing and realization set into Jamie’s mind. Oh dear god, he thought, they’re doing Grease. “--It’s electrifying!” Jamie groaned. He couldn’t help himself. There was no way this wouldn’t somehow end up on Twitter. He knew sober Gary would not find this nearly as funny if it made headlines. Jamie started scanning the crowd for people with their phones out. Thankfully, most people had either gone home or were drowning themselves at the bar, after all, what was free booze for? Jamie noticed Geoff filming out of the corner of his eye. He practically ran over to him.

“You better shape up!” Gary starting singing now. He was by no means an angel, if Jamie was honest he was pretty fucking terrible. But like everything Gary did, he sang with a fiery passion and excitement that just made it utterly endearing. Jamie loved it when Gary sang.

“Give me that,” Jamie grabbed Geoff’s phone from his hands, which was pretty easy considering how sloshed he was. He barely even protested as Jamie deleted the videos and shut off his phone because Jamie was smart and knew Geoff was too far gone to figure out how to turn it back on.

“--tooooooo my heart I must be trueeeeeeee,” Gary was dancing around on the stage and Jamie couldn’t help but take a moment to stop worrying and just admire the carefree smile of his boyfriend, so blissfully happy as he made a fool out of himself in front of all of their colleagues. Jamie noticed that Gary was staring at him. Gary then brought his hand up to point directly at him.

“You’re the one that I want! Oh! Oh! Oh! Jamie!” Oh no. Oh no. This was a complete disaster. Jamie couldn’t stop himself, he jumped up on the stage. The limited space meant he had to stand pressed against Gary. Gary just smiled up at him and shoved his microphone up to Jamie’s lips. And as much as he hated it, Jamie could never deny him anything.

“Oh yes indeed,” Jamie half-sang, half spoke. It was awkward and hard to listen to even to his own ears, but Gary beamed at him and Jamie felt a smile tugging at the edge of his lips.

And then he remembered why he got up here in the first place: not to sing, not to smile at Gary like a big, lovesick dork--no, he was here to put an end to this. He was here to take Gary home safely before any further disaster could strike just like he’d promised.

“If you’re filled with affection--” Redders started to sing again. Jamie used this opportunity to make their escape. He pried the microphone from Gary’s hands before placing it gently on the stage. He put his arm around Gary’s middle and firmly led him off the stage.

“Where are we going?” Gary asked. He was looking up at Jamie from where he was tucked against Jamie’s side. Jamie knew it was probably too intimate a position for them to hold in public but he found he was too exhausted to care.

“We’re going home, love,” Jamie said softly against Gary’s ear. Gary gave him a wicked grin and started to worm his fingers under Jamie’s jacket. Jamie pushed his arm away holding it against Gary’s side. This was not the time or place.

“You’re going to make me wait for it?” Gary asked. “That’s okay. It’ll be better when you fuck me later. I’ll be so ready. I’ll be begging for you.” Jamie let out a long breath. Fuck. Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you looked at it, they were out of the bar, walking down the street towards Jamie’s car. On the bright side, no one was close enough to hear Gary being far too drunk to care that he’s being far too loud. However, anyone could be on the street: reporters, idiots with cameras, though now Jamie is realizing that those are kind of the same thing. Jamie’s kidding, of course. He guessed he was kind of a journalist himself now. He generally thought of journalists as no-life drama vultures for the Daily Mail or worse The S*n.

Jamie was pretty used to wrangling drunk Gary into vehicles against his will, but this time was different. Gary was usually uncooperative just for the sake of being uncooperative. This trait just worsened after a few pints. That night Gary was shockingly content, though. He wasn’t argumentative or difficult, he was sweet and happy. He leaned into Jamie’s side on their walk and looked up at him like he just signed Messi for Man United (which Jamie couldn’t do obviously, and even if he could, he wouldn’t). When it came time to get into Jamie’s car, Gary went without complaint, let alone their usual wrestling match. Jamie was honestly getting kind of worried.

“Are you high?” He asked as he put the car in reverse. Jamie had never known Gary to smoke but he figured it was a possible explanation for his strange behaviour. Gary hummed in confusion.

“What?” He asked. Gary’s face was smushed against the passenger window, fogging up the glass with every breath.

“Are you okay?” Jamie rephrased his question for Gary’s scrambled brain, “you seem weird.”

“I’m not weird, James,” he said, his words even more drawn out than usual, “I’m happy.” He started humming something under his breath but it was so quiet that Jamie could not make it out over the engine. “Singing makes me happy, Jamie,” Gary said and Jamie knew. Gary was generally not as public of a singer as he had been that night, but he always loved singing. He sang in the shower, something that Jamie found entirely endearing. Jamie loved waking up in the morning to the sound of water and Gary’s slow voice. Jamie remembered Gary doing karaoke all the way back in their England days. He and Crouchy were always the most enthusiastic, though Jamie would never have guessed that until he saw it with his own eyes.

“I know,” Jamie said, “it makes me happy, too.” It was probably a little too honest but Jamie knew Gary wouldn’t notice. Even if he did notice, he wouldn’t remember it in the morning.

“Do you want me to sing to you?” And yet again, Jamie just couldn’t say no to Gary. Jamie expected more of what he’d heard at the pub: some eighties songs, maybe an NSYNC song or two (Redders loved NSYNC). He didn’t expect Gary to start happily singing Glory Glory Man United in his fucking car.

“Gary, what the hell?” Jamie protested but Gary just shushed him and kept singing. Jamie could hear his feet tapping against the mat of the car. And right when Jamie was about to smack Gary in the head, he realized something: Gary was drunk. Now obviously it didn’t take a genius to figure that out: he’d been steadily drinking since the party began and you could see the drunkenness in his red, flushed ears. But Jamie realized that Gary’s drunk brain was prone to forgetting basic, fundamental information. Like, for example, that Jamie was a Scouser.

Jamie figured that in Gary’s drunk brain, he wanted to sing a song to make Jamie happy. But like he’d forgotten that Tracey played netball on New Year the year before or that he was a right-back on one especially wild Wednesday night, he had forgotten that the song that brought his manc heart so much joy, did not spark the same happy memories for his boyfriend. He wasn’t trying to get on Jamie’s nerves and that knowledge comforted Jamie enough not to reach over and strangle him. So Jamie just let him sing and quietly suffered as he drove along. He tried to tamp down the simmering irritation the song automatically sparked in the pit of his stomach.

Mercifully for Jamie, Gary drifted off in the passenger’s seat less than ten minutes into their drive. Jamie instead drove the rest of the way to the sound of Gary’s loud snores.

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep6: Joey Wheeler is on Fire, Yet Again

Came down with a little sickness-not the biggie, just a little sly guy. But I took some meds, I’m a little floaty, I’ve only been listening to baroque music all morning for some reason? And I hate baroque music usually? But I’ll leave it to bro to tell me if this is fluid enough.

Just so you know, these caps were kind of a hot mess for a while and some of them read like that Garfield in of hot eat the food comic until...today. So pls don’t judge me, Judge my damn DMV where no one was following Covid regulations because I’m pretty sure that’s where I got this damn cold.

We start off with Roland getting more attention than he ever has in his entire life. Like honestly, I don’t know what Roland’s job really is...but he’s got a very diverse set of very useless skills. One of which, is knowing how to announce sports games that aren’t really a sport, while those games he’s announcing slowly fall into chaos.

Anyway, Roland’s taking so long cherishing his sweet time before everything goes to hell, that he’s boring Joey, who’s kinda turned into a ball of stress in the waiting room.

A lot of this episode is us watching them watching Joey having a break down moment by moment, TBH.

(read more under the cut)

Yugi telling Joey to study his cards and straight up--what?

Like at this point they know what’s on the cards, right? Like there comes a point where even Yugioh cards have a finite amount of words and I’m just going to assume that like...Joey probably knows them all in his own deck, right?

(bro note: they have no limit on what they will put on a card)

Then again, maybe Yugi doesn’t know what “study” means?

Also, appreciate how some artist crosshatched the hell on Joey’s nose there and I zoomed out and ruined it.

Now for some reason every duelist is hanging out in the duel lodge, including our current arch-villain guy who’s brought a book. I want to know what book this guy even reads so no one could suspect he’s actually a hacker who uses computers. He’s reading romance, right? And I don’t think he’d even be into Twilight, I think he’s straight up into hard core Mom romance like a lame ass Nicholas Sparks over there reading “Dear John” for the millionth time because he is completely un-phased by anything else happening in this room.

Joey, our hero, just out there being an asshole for no reason.

After Tea is pushed into a locker or something screaming about her need for female friends (which she screamed in earshot of Rebecca again, who I figured was on friends terms with her after last episode...but I guess not) Leon hops up to remind us that we should be caring about the fact that his character exists.

And like, I love Leon’s hair color--that’s a good choice, and legit that is the color I tried to dye my hair at the beginning of the epidemic (it didn’t work PS, my hair cannot take dye for the life of it) but also like...he just kinda feels like a weak Rebecca as far as characters go. He’s young, he’s good at cards...I think he goes to a private school? That’s all I can think of about Leon.

He mostly just reminds us that the big prize of this tourney is to duel Yugi, who anyone could have dueled at any point even without the tournament.

On the way out of the...duel room? lounge? Area? Joey decides to like...make peace with Zigfried, and I gotta tell you, I kinda have to side with Zigfried, because Joey spent the last ten minutes being a freak in the dressing room/lounge/bathroom and at one point looked like he was going to hold the entire locker room in a stranglehold.

I would also want some space from Joey Wheeler, is what I’m saying.

After insulting Joey’s style (which honestly, Joey...has a style? He pops his collar, that’s his entire style.) Zigfried assures us that Joey’s gonna lose and like...

...probably, right? Just looking at the plausible direction this season will go.

Anyway, Joey is such a mess (which is the theme of the episode, that Joey needs to learn to chill in order to win at card games) that Rebecca is like “I understand if all of you leave me to go help our poor baby Joey.” And no one felt bad for her.

Mokuba comes over to tell everyone all of the Kaiba family secrets because Mokuba has no filter.

Seto has devoted himself to staring at a computer screen for the rest of this episode. I guess he’ll put their names into Google, realize that social media hasn’t been invented yet, and then just lie his head down on the desk and take a power nap until the tournament is over. Much like I did after taking Dayquil this afternoon.

I like how Seto dressed for success and then locked himself in the server room for most of this arc so far. Maybe he’s just...really tired, I dunno. I don’t really blame the guy, he’s had a hard time.

And then Yugi was like “DAMN IT MOKUBA, JUST ONCE CAN YOU NOT INVITE THE ILLUMINATI???”

And we had a weird scene where Yugi just started talking to the ghost and it was while he was talking to everyone else, and the show didn’t treat it like that’s a weird thing to do...but it was a weird thing to do.

This show does that sometimes, where I guess they imply that Yugi’s Pharaoh conversations are split second conversations but...they’re not, right?

Also this chick ain’t gone yet, and Mokuba is just failing at his entire job for not zeroing in on vibes coming off this chick like stinky cheeseman.

So listen.

Did the Kaibas make like 3 types of Blue Eyes Caboose to one up Noah? Because Noah made one choo choo dragon, and then Mokuba and Seto were like “how dare” and then made sure that everyone ride every single version of the blue eyes caboose just to see how proud of them they were.

How many months of troubleshooting was the train? Like how long in development did Seto and Mokuba spend on these? A lot right? Like most of the time?

I did not check the subs to see if Roland said Jumping or Champion but I like to believe that Roland thought it was a cool new name he gave him.

Then these guys all showed up.

Hey so...can we talk seating arrangements?

Tea decided not to sit next to Yugi after complaining about not spending time with him for like how many episodes? Or was it too awkward to sit on top of what was probably Pharaoh?

Or did Mokuba go like “please, Tea, I cannot sit next to the others because I’m pretty sure one is a mole that is about to go cray” and was Tea like “Good, I need female friends, these ones are driving me crazy!” and then was Mokuba like peering desperately over the edge of his self made dragon train prison realizing he has to listen to Tea complain about boys for the rest of his ride across molten lava?

Headcanons abound about this weird seating arrangement that the animators drew for the reasons they did...but reasons I cannot fully understand. That and the Dayquil is making me overfixate on random stuff.

And also, Tea is kind of the Kaiba’s security’s understudy. Just there to always protect Mokuba with her ass because she’s the strongest woman alive.

PS I missed the tumblr wars because at the time I was trying to like...run a proper business on blogger. When Blogger died and I jumped over here it was like a weird ruin where everyone was like “tumblr is the most toxic place alive” and...I’ve had a really nice time here, actually. Completely missed that civil war period and I have no regrets.

Now I was there for the Petz wars (warz, I guess) where people were very militant about Petz abuse (abuze?) where apparently people were using the spray bottle on their catz too much and people were very, very upset about it to the point that they were like campaigning about it on their angelfire websites with the most bizarre grassroots campaigns that I still recall, to this day because they were like...well they looked like this:

PLAPA. Not only am I 100% positive that only this one guy ever called this movement PLAPA, but I’m 100% positive that not only are Catz not real people, but also this wasn’t actually happening and we never had any proof that it was. Either way, if people knew or suspected that you hadn’t deleted the spray bottle from your game (which at the time I had no idea how to do because I was a wee child) they would basically assume you were on a one way road to being a mass murderer in real life.

In real life we were 7 years old so like...thanks?

But that’s the closest I got to toxicity and at the time I was too young to make an email account and actually converse with these people. I was just there to download their Petz hexes, and I already made a post about how wonderful and incredible Petz Hexing was.

And y’all, I heard, just now after a little deep dive into the Petz Abuse debacle (which yes, is on the wiki), that apparently, like gardening, Petz Hexing came back in a big way during the epidemic--and I have found an active Petz forum in this the year 2021. The only problem is that I no longer remember how to use old timey forums...and I think I’m locked out of seeing most of these threads (and like this forum is so old I think I have to send them a letter in the physical mail to apply). But, I’m pretty sure they’re hosting a picture contest for who’s dogz poses the best. And I’m pretty sure someone created a hexxed Pickle Rick. Or it’s a photoshop that was made to look like a hexxed Pickle Rick.

Dammit why did it have to be Pickle Rick? That’s not worth re-installing Petz and getting it to run on Windows 10...

Guys is this the Dayquil? Is this really happening? I feel like I’m losing my mind for so many reasons...

Anyway, speaking about useless hexing it’s about time that our villain did something that was actually dangerous, so Zigfried decided to install a new virus that does more than turn off the lights. (it still turns off lights)

the Spreadsheet Virus!

Confounded by the spreadsheet software, it...um...it does this:

Straight up how does Excel make a volcano erupt? Is that why I have to pay for Microsoft office now?

All this because Joey made fun of Zigfried’s naturally pink hair? Which is the most normal hair on this series outside of like...Tristan?

Hey guys...Joey’s fine, right? Like how many times has Joey been on fire? And once in an iron cage next to like...a Fire Golem?

Joey’s fine.

MAN I miss Fire Golem. He had a good mug.

And then we just kinda watch chaos go across the park, chaos that includes: Too many ghosts in the haunted mansion (which honestly--you’ll get your money’s worth, sounds great!), the Ferris wheel goes kinda fast and thus might accidentally be fun, the lights turn off at some concert stage that only had 2 people on it (so it might just be motion detector lights and not even a virus), and um...literal fire and magma are going to set Joey Wheeler on fire.

Just...one of these events does not seem like the others. In fact most of these things sound like good improvements to the park and they should just hire Zigfried at this point.

Roland puts down his microphone and jogs across the stage, about a mile through the audience bleachers, and into the staff lounge, to go and bother Seto Kaiba, who is in a room that has a hi-def classical painting copy-pasted on the wall and I can’t look away from it.

I almost did a Google search on this painting but then thought better about it. There’s like...a billion classical paintings that look exactly like this, and they wouldn’t use like a Monet, they would have to do something that’s harder to catch to avoid copyright issues (because yes, even old ass paintings have copyright issues, but no one tell NFT’s which are going to be so freakin screwed and was such a bad idea, that I can’t even start).

Anyway, I have no idea who it is and it is legitimately driving me up a wall, but I’m on too much meds to do the effort of putting it in a reverse google image search.

Plus, a reverse google image search would only pull up Seto Kaiba.

So Kaiba takes us on a little flashback to his weird ass past, a weird ass past that just...doesn’t follow any of the established timelines, but I assume was shortly after adoption but before Seto got into a phase where he wore his school outfit everywhere and tried to shove his MMO off onto his Dad as a business model.

Seto is like 8 for some reason. I don’t know why, they kinda drew him younger this season anyway, like maybe they got a lot of fan mail and realized “Hey I think we made the 16 yo boy too sexy?” And they just toned Seto the hell down. That, and it’s a different animation team, and maybe they looked at Seto’s character design and were like “we don’t get paid enough to draw this well.” So...since Seto actually looks like a teen again, I guess his 12 year old self has to look like he’s in Elementary school.

Also, I only recognized this, because at some point in S3 as I was roasting Noah Kaiba’s weird fashion:

I remember distinctly roasting that little bow tie. I don’t remember when I wrote it, I think there was a version of this outfit that was in color...but I don’t remember where.

Anyway, it’s not the same jacket...but man that’s kind of awkward, ya? Like the maid who dressed Mokuba deffo got fired?

He um.

Turned the lights off a little bit.

Guys this villain is like...

...why does he think lights are scary? Like look at little Seto here. The boy is already bored. Seto duels on the edges of cliffs...he doesn’t care about the freakin dark.

We had a guy who killed everyone on the planet last season, and this season we have a little fashion gremlin standing in the corner and flicking the light switch going  “wooooo you never catch me!” and it’s like...

...I’m starting to think this guy isn’t a witch.

Like we’re at Episode 6, there’s still time for this guy to be a witch...but I really am starting to think this guy is just...straight up not a witch. It’s everything Seto wanted, a rival who isn’t a freakin magic person...and sets Joey only fake on fire instead literally on fire like last time...

and Seto is just completely unhinged by it.

Anyway, I’m off to go drink a bowl of soup and pass out. If you’re new here, this is a link to read these in chrono order.

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[wastelandcth]

voicemail - cth

summary: calum’s tired of hearing his calls go straight to voicemail. 

author’s notes: this is based off of ahora te puedes marchar - luis miguel. i grew up listening to this song and its been stuck in my head ever since tiktok brought it back. i hope you enjoy! 

warnings: mentions of breakup ups, sad calum, mentions of alcohol. 

masterlist

Calum was sick of hearing her voicemail message. It's all he had heard when he tried calling her for the past three weeks. At first, he had blamed it on the distance, he'd been away on tour for the past three months and time zones were difficult to navigate at times, but at least he had tried to call and talk with her. She'd simply said goodbye to him at their airport and had proceeded to act as if she'd never met Calum before. 

It had been three months of Calum sending her pictures of his travels and sending updates about where they were, what they were doing, and that he missed her. It had also been three months of silence, of not knowing where she was or what she was going. For all Calum knew, she had disappeared off the face of the Earth and was never coming back. They'd been in Paris when Ashton finally convinced him to call her and put an end to whatever game she was playing. That was two months and one week ago, now Calum was sick of hearing the voice mail message he'd almost memorized from hearing it for the past week. 

"Hi! Sorry I couldn't get to the phone in time! I'm probably super busy but I'll give you a call back as soon as I can! Bye! I love you!" 

Calum's jaw clenched as he heard the all familiar beep of her answering machine, a sigh leaving him before he hung up and set his phone down on the couch of the green room in whatever country he was in that day. He was out the door before even Ash could come and get him this time, his daily ritual of calling her with the hopes that she would answer and tell him that she'd been far too busy and something else that would make everything okay. But with every voicemail message he left, Calum felt his love slipping farther and farther away from her. 

Calum remembers when he first fell in love with her. They'd been seeing each other for around eight months, dates filled with sweet kisses, and looking up at the stars. It had been the best eight months of Calum's life, he had never felt so free and so happy than in those eight months of being with her. 

They'd been at the beach cafe he had first met her at, she'd been telling him a story about her family vacation where she had ended up on the beach alone and too drunk to remember where her hotel room was. She was halfway through her story when Calum's mouth opened and the words escaped him before his brain could even stop him. 

She was the woman of Calum's dreams and he wasn't going to let his fear of love stop him from having something he could cherish with her. He would walk through hell and back for her and he was willing to throw caution to the wind ready for whatever love had planned for him. 

Tour buses were a safe haven for Calum. He was away from the screaming crowds and the fans that always seemed to want to pry into his life. He was alone in his bunk, the darkness that enveloped him, and his mind helped him shut off the memories of her and how his heart felt like it was breaking one day at a time. After much begging and giving Ashton a promise that he was okay, he was alone on a tour bus his mind empty as he closed his eyes and tried to let the hum of the engine lull him back to sleep. 

Lately, Calum's dreams had consisted of a voicemail message, and the last time he had seen her, wrapped in one of his hoodies with tear-stained cheeks. He kept hearing her voice, echoing in his mind, telling him to be back soon and to bring her snacks. When he woke up, Calum felt like his eyeballs were going to explode, the pounding headache he'd gotten before he was on the bus still present. He was sick of having those stupid dreams of her voice and her smile and he was sick of thinking about her every day. So the only thing he could think of was to call her one last time. 

"It's me again, I know you're probably sick of hearing me. You're probably sick of me telling you that I'm sorry for doing something wrong that I don't even know what it is. I just, I called to say goodbye. I'm guessing that's what you meant when we talked last, that goodbye meant you didn't want to hear me anymore. I loved you when I left, I loved you when you didn't answer my phone calls, I loved you when you started posting on Twitter about your family vacation again. I loved you when I saw that picture of both of you at the beach, kissing. I loved you, I pushed through my fears and let go of myself for you. And now I lost everything because of something that you won't explain to me. I gave you my heart, I gave you my soul and you threw it away like it was nothing. Shut me out and pretended that I never cared about you and...But I know I'm done now, I know that you didn't know how to love me so now you can leave and I can leave and we don't have anything else to talk about. So I guess this is goodbye, have a nice life, I hope he makes you happier than I ever could." 

Three years ago Calum would've never imagined he'd be sitting at the same beachside cafe where he'd given his heart away. Three years ago Calum was on a tour bus numb to the world as the voicemail message hurt his ear and his brain. But things were different now, he was no longer crying himself to sleep. His heart didn't feel like it would break in half whenever he drove past the cafe. Especially today, when he had walked in holding her hand and sighed in relief when the entire place didn't explode. It wasn’t until he heard the basita call out a familiar name and his entire body tensed up.

Calum was in a bad place when he met her. He'd been locked in Ashton's guest room for six months before he even decided that going out to the grocery store would be a nice chance for fresh air. Being on the road for almost a year and then coming home to LA where all the memories of her were still in his house was not something he had prepared himself to handle. Two days into being back home, Calum found himself with a packed bag and Duke in his arms at Ashton's front door. He had laid down in the guest bedroom that day and had never gotten back up. 

"Do you think vanilla or regular oat milk would be better for banana bread?" she asked him while holding up to cartons of oat milk. 

Calum was in love with her smile since that first time he saw it. He doesn't even remember what answer he gave her, just remembers that he looked at her for way too long and probably freaked her out. But he somehow ended up with her phone number and before he knew it he was kissing her during the middle of a crappy superhero movie he really regretted suggesting they watch. 

When Calum saw her for the first time in three years, he felt like he was going to explode with anger. She looked like she had the day Calum her saw her last. She still had the same long hair she always complained about, still wore the gold hoop earrings that he had gotten her for her birthday, and she was still wearing that damn hoodie. 

His fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles were white and it took everything in Calum's power to not walk over to her and tell her everything he'd been through since she'd left him. He watched as she paid for her drink and walked out of the coffee shop without noticing him. But with a deep breath and his coffee in his hand, Calum walked out to his car and drove off. She might've changed overnight, but it had taken Calum years to change and now that he had, he wasn't going to let his past ruin a good day. 

The text message notification had been on his home screen for three hours. He'd been staring at it every five minutes for the past three hours. He hated seeing it on his screen, hated that she thought she could just text him after three years of radio silence, and expect him to answer. His hands had stopped shaking an hour after he'd gotten the text message but every time he read it over, the anger built in his chest and he had to pace around his living room and groan out loud before he managed to sit back down and start the cycle all over again. 

"You look good. I like the blonde curls. We should meet up, talk about us? I miss you." 

He couldn't help but roll his eyes, three years of radio silence and all he got was a compliment and a proposition to meet up again. His fingers moved faster than ever before as he typed out his reply, all the anger, and resentment of the past three years falling off his shoulders in a matter of seconds. He hadn't even noticed when his fingers had stopped moving, his heart was racing and his breathing was uneven. His eyes scanned over the paragraph that he'd seemingly been holding in his chest for the last couple of years and with a simple tap, it was gone.  

Calum really loved his girlfriend. He loved the fact that after he deleted and blocked the phone number he had hoped to get a notification from for so long, his girlfriend showed up with his favorite Italian food and a bottle of wine. He loved that she held him close while they watched reruns of The Simpsons and she ran her hands through his curls. He loved that she was willing to cancel their date night and just hold him close because it meant that he found someone who loved him just the same. 

[jalapeno-princess]

Write Me a Letter

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: THE CHEESIEST OF FLUFF (Featuring the best friend BamBam that everyone deserves)

Word Count: 10.6K

Summary: Being a full-time college student with a full-time job is a hard thing to do. One day when you’re scrolling on your explore page, you stumble on a post with a link to a pen pal website. You’ve always been curious about how pen pals worked and you’ve been interested in making a new friend and writing mail back and forth to one another. After exploring a couple of profiles to make sure you choose the person you feel you’d enjoy writing to, you find Mark’s profile and you end up choosing him from his profile picture of his adorable puppy Milo, his personal interests and the way he seemed passionate about the entire pen pal experience. Over the course of writing to and receiving letters from Mark, you come to the realization that he means much more to you than someone you write letters to that you’ve never met before. When the opportunity comes for the two of you to finally meet, you and BamBam plan out a vacation to California where you finally get to meet the man behind the heartfelt letters.

A/N: Hey guys; so this has to be one of the cheesiest (if not the most fluffy ball of cheese story that I’ve written) and if I’m being honest I don’t know how I feel about this story but I’d like to think it’s cute and I’ve always wanted a pen pal (I love writing letters and I prefer writing letters and receiving mail over getting text messages sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong era but hey GOT7 and I exist at the same time so that’s all that matters) please enjoy! (Oh yeah, by the way, I was 1/4 in to writing this I write all my stories on my phone and I meant to highlight a word in order to delete it but I accidentally highlighted the whole story and ended up deleting it i was so mad at myself and I actually considered not writing it again because I was already so deep in to writing the story but I was very determined to finish it)

“Hey y/n, boss man wants you finished with that proposal by Wednesday.” The groan that fell from your lips was unintentional and as much as you hated showing disdain for your manager in front of your fellow colleagues because of how much pressure and stress he put you through, BamBam was used to seeing you get so worked up over things like this. But he couldn’t blame you; you had a lot on your plate as it was and your manager had a tendency to expect the world from you. 

Working as a paralegal in one of the most prestigious law firms in your state on top of being a full-time student wasn’t the easiest thing to do and some days you found yourself wanting to give it all up entirely. However, you had a goal and you were going to do everything in your power to achieve it; no matter how frustrating juggling both your education and your job could be. 

Your boss would always assign you different projects, expect you to come up with proposals, write essays and find as many clients as possible and what upset you the most, was that he expected you to do it in a few days time. He told you time and time again that he knew you were capable of such amazing things and you weren’t the lead paralegal in your company for no reason. 

There were so many nights where you stayed up working on both your school work and the tasks assigned to you just so you could impress your boss with the amazing quality of your work that you just so happened to finish the same day you were given it. If only your boss knew how much blood, sweat and tears you put in to perfecting all your work before turning it in. 

A tear of frustration fell from your face and you hated showing that you were weak in such a cutthroat business, but BamBam was one of the only coworkers you could trust. Especially because he just so happened to be your best friend. As soon as he heard you sniffle, he made his way over to your desk and gently ran his fingers through your hair before motioning for you to stand up so that he could pull you in to his embrace. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you brought yours up around his back and placed your head against his chest. 

“Hey, don’t cry. I know it can get frustrating sometimes, and I know you’re tired but it will all be worth it in the end. Okay? Hang in there. You’re the most hardworking and dedicated person I know y/n and I admire you so much for it. He wouldn’t give you all this work load if he didn’t think you couldn’t handle it, but if it does get too much for you to manage, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Better yet, remind him of just how much you have on your plate. You’re a student as much as you are an employee y/n. And more importantly, you’re a human. Don’t give me that look, I know what you’re going to say. “But BamBam, I want to be the best. If I don’t do everything I’m supposed to, then I won’t be able to handle opening up my own law firm.” I hate how you belittle yourself all the time. You are the best y/n. Once you graduate and finally open up your own law firm, all the hard work and dedication will be worth it. Your law firm will shit on this law firm, I can already see it.” 

You couldn’t help but giggle at his words. BamBam always knew the right things to say and you were extremely grateful that he applied to the law firm you were working at because he was the only reason you weren’t going insane with everything you had to deal with. He was a breath of fresh air in an office where you felt like you couldn’t breathe at all. You didn’t know what you would do without him there. 

As much as you knew he should’ve been getting experience in his own field, he explained to you that he wanted nothing to do with the fashion industry until he graduated and had to go in to it. Some days you wish you could be like him, you wish you didn’t have to worry about the real world until it was time but you were such a perfectionist and you wanted to experience was the world of law had to offer. 

“He’s going to kill me one day Bam, I swear to God. That man is overworking me to the bone and at this point I don’t even think it’s because he trusts me or because he thinks I’m great at what I do. I think it’s because his lazy ass doesn’t want to do the dirty work. I’m sick and tired of having to do everything for him only for him to get the credit, it’s bullshit.” 

BamBam began to run his hands along the side of your arms and released a frustrated sigh. Everyone in your company knew how much time and energy you put in to your job. They knew how much you wanted to be a lawyer, and that you were one of the most talented and extremely intelligent paralegals in the field. Your boss was very lucky to have you; but at the same time he took advantage of your kindness and generosity and made you work until he was satisfied with the end product. 

“I got an idea, why don’t you and I go on a vacation? You deserve a break y/n. Hey, don’t you have vacation days saved up? You should seeing as how much overtime you’ve been working. Plus winter break is just around the corner. Why don’t we go to California so you can finally meet that lover boy of yours—ow! What? I’m being serious y/n and you of all people should know that violence is not the answer. I can’t wait for you to become a lawyer so I can sue you for emotional and physical abuse—I’m kidding—well not really but the two of you have been at this for months and didn’t he imply that he wanted to finally meet you in his last letter? I should get going, I have to finish that contract with the bank. But think about my suggestion okay? I’ll wait for you to finish so that I can take you home, or if you’re up for it we can go eat somewhere. My treat. Good luck y/n! And don’t stress too much. You wouldn’t want Mark to see those wrinkles and dark circles—I’m out!” 

He playfully squeezed at your cheek before leaving your office and once he was gone, you let out an exhausted groan while bringing your thumb and index finger up to the bridge of your nose and pinched it out of frustration. The idea of writing a five-paged proposal in less than two days made your head hurt. 

Sometimes you wish you had the guts to confront your boss of expecting so much out of you but you were afraid of the aftermath that came with it. Plus, BamBam’s words stuck with you and it was all you could seem to think about. Around six months ago, you were scrolling on the Instagram explore page when you came across a very interesting post about pen pals. From a young age, you were always curious about how pen pals worked and you would get excited at the thought of writing letters to a stranger. 

You were always a hopeless romantic. Everyone in your generation were all about technology and social media, but you still believed in sending postcards, taking pictures with polaroids and writing notes instead of having to use your phone or computer. You were constantly writing out emails and text messages for work and you’ve grown tired of technology and your devices, so you found yourself clicking on the link that led you to a website that gave you a list of people who were interested in finding a pen pal. Once you made your account, uploaded a photo and some information, you began exploring the website and seeing what they had to offer. 

After going through a few profiles, you grew interested in one in particular that just so happened to belong to the boy BamBam was referring to. You were quick to reach out to Mark and to your delight, he responded back in less than five minutes telling you that he just so happened to take a liking to your page also. What you had thought would just be a one time thing, turned out to be letters he would send once every two weeks. 

The longer the two of you wrote to each other, the more constant he would write to you. One letter every two weeks became three letters in one week and you’d find yourself waiting patiently for him to write to you. His letters seemed to be the only thing you looked forward to. Each and every letter you received from him never failed to bring a smile to your face and it wasn’t up until a month ago that you realized you were developing feelings for him. 

Although you had yet to meet him, he already found his way in to your heart and when BamBam mentioned finally getting to meet him, you couldn’t help but grin like a little school girl. Mark had a way with words. He told you he couldn’t even write essays as long as his letters and it was because he just had so much to tell you. If you were being honest, you were a great listener but at the same time, you’d find yourself getting bored of a conversation if someone were to talk about a topic you weren’t interested in for so long. 

There were even situations when BamBam would go in to depth about fashion and you tried your best not to seem like you weren’t interested, you just had no idea what he would talk about but you would always give him your undying attention nonetheless. However, you would read each and every single letter Mark had written to you over and over and you’d never get tired. He would tell you about his life, his job, his dreams and aspirations, memories from his childhood, the new puppy he just adopted name Milo, how living with his best friend Jackson was like and so much more. 

The two of you talked about exchanging numbers in order to text, call and FaceTime each other, but you both agreed that the whole point of the pen pal situation was because you both enjoyed waiting for each other to write back. It was unique, it was fun and writing back and forth with Mark was your little escape from reality. He did mention wanting to meet you, and finally getting to put a face to the letters and you too were curious of what Mark looked like. 

His avatar on his account was a picture of what you assumed to be Milo whereas yours was a picture of GusGus from Cinderella that you got off of the internet. You wanted to keep your identity somewhat of a secret from Mark because it added to the mystery and eccentricity of this whole experience. You were afraid of things changing between the two of you if and when you were to meet and you didn’t want things to stop between the two of you if he were to come to the realization that maybe you weren’t who he thought you were. 

It’s been almost two weeks since you’ve last heard from him and he informed you in his last letter that he was going to be busy for the next few weeks and that he was going to miss writing to you but that you could continue writing to him in the mean time. You’ve sent him at least three letters since he’s last written to you and it was in the moment that you found yourself missing him that you realized you saw him as more than just a pen pal. BamBam wouldn’t let you hear the end of it when you told him of your entire situation and he kept teasing you the minute he found out about your crush on Mark. 

“You haven’t even met the guy y/n. For all you know, he could be a 65-year-old divorced man with two kids living on a farm in Arkansas or even worse, he could be a serial killer trying to lure you in with his sweet and charming words. You do know we have social media for a reason, why don’t you search him up and see exactly who he is before continuing this weird ass relationship.” 

There were times that curiosity got the best of you and you wanted to go and search his name up on Facebook or Instagram, but you told yourself you would wait. BamBam however, was the definition of nosy and would meddle in everybody’s business even if he knew it was wrong to do so. For the business aspect, your boss loved the idea that BamBam would dig up dirt and search for any information that could throw competitors and ex-clients under the bus. What you could care less for, was when it came to your personal life. 

He hardly had anything to be nosy about when it came to you. You haven’t been in a relationship in years and all you had going for you was your job and your schooling. Unlike BamBam, you hated clubbing and going out to bars; you didn’t see the point in wasting your money on overpriced alcohol and pressing your body up against a random stranger. 

Staying in and watching reruns of Cake Boss while eating a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream was how you spent your days off. In BamBam’s words, you were practically a grandma. Even more so when he found out about your pen pal, but he was never once to force you in to anything you didn’t want to do and if you were happy, so was he. When BamBam suggested searching him up, you didn’t think he’d actually go along with it but then again, it was BamBam. What did you expect? Usually whenever he put his mind to something, he’d go along with it. 

“Wow y/n, if this is the guy, you’ve lucked out big time. Damn, if I were a girl, I’d go for him. Not to sound weird or anything, but he’s hot. You didn’t hear it from me though. But who knows, I could be looking at the wrong guy. I’m sure there are hundreds of Mark Tuans in the world.” 

A huge part of you felt like he was bluffing and only saying things like that to make fun of you. But another part of you wanted to yank his phone and see for yourself what he was talking about. 

“Come on y/n, I know you wanna see what he looks like. There’s no harm in taking a peek. Why are you so adamant on not knowing what he looks like? God, the two of you are honestly meant for each other, you’re both elderly people in young people’s bodies.” 

Once you reached the third page of your proposal, you decided to call it a day. As much as you wanted to hang out with BamBam, especially because he offered to treat you which was a very rare thing knowing how much of a cheapskate he was, you were tired beyond belief and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. Although he was disappointed when he heard of your plans, he couldn’t blame you for wanting to go right to bed and he wanted you to get some rest. 

He was also pretty happy he didn’t have to spend money, but he wasn’t going to tell you that. Like the gentleman he was, he took your things for you and led the way to his car. The car ride was quiet, which was unlike most of the rides he gave you considering how outspoken and talkative he could be. At a stop light, he reached for your hand and gently squeezed it as a nonverbal way to let you know that everything was going to be okay. 

There were moments where he’d open his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but after seeing your breakdown earlier, he probably decided that he’d give you some space and not aggravate you more than you already were. Around twenty minutes after the two of you left the office, he pulled up to your guest parking and gave you a gentle pat on the head. 

“Get some rest please? I’m tired of having to correct people when they assume you’re my mom—I swear you get more and more abusive the longer we’re friends for.” You let out a scoff as he rubbed the spot that you hit him at. 

“Nobody thinks I’m your mother asshole. Thank you for the ride home and for comforting me earlier. I really appreciate it Bam. I don’t know if I say it enough but I’m very thankful for all that you do for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He gave you a knowing smirk and cupped your cheek in his palm. There were times where people assumed that the two of you were dating by how much time you both spent together and because of the skin-ship you shared. 

The lingering touches and gentle kisses on your cheek and forehead every now and then weren’t those normally shared between best friends, but you’ve never questioned it. You and BamBam have been friends for almost 20 years, he never showed any romantic interest in you nor did you feel anything for him and you felt it was better off that way. 

The older boy was extremely supportive in each and every one of your endeavors and although you were slowly getting tired of how silly he was acting towards the entire Mark situation, deep down you knew he was just messing around with you and even if you didn’t admit it to him out loud, he had a hunch that you were falling for Mark. All BamBam wanted was for you to be happy and if Mark was the reason for your happiness, then he supported whatever it was going on between you both. 

“Ew, don’t get all sentimental on me. GROSS! Since you’re off tomorrow, if you’re feeling up for it maybe we can go try out that new sushi place. It’s kind of pricey so I’m not offering to treat, I’ll tell you that right now. I’m only a phone call away if you need me. Have a nice rest of your evening.” 

When he drove away, you released a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. Honestly BamBam and Mark were the only people keeping you sane as of right now. If it wasn’t for BamBam’s endless amounts of support and Mark’s kind and motivating words, you’d be an alcoholic. You trudged up the stairs and debated on whether or not you should check the mail because you knew there was no way Mark could have written to you since he was still quite busy and you hardly ever ordered anything, so there wasn’t anything for you to look forward to. Yet you still found yourself making your way to the mailbox and lazily opened the box, not being expectant of anything. 

The minute your eyes landed on the single envelope, your heart felt as if it was about to jump out of your chest. You didn’t have to read who it was from, you could tell by the envelope alone that it was from Mark. He had a unique choice in cards and he would even draw cute little characters and they never failed to bring a smile to your face. Even if you were exhausted and wanted nothing more than to flop right on to your bed, you were now wide awake and had every intention on reading his letter. 

You made a beeline up to your apartment and didn’t give yourself time to do anything before you rushed in to the door and practically jumped on the couch. For a guy, you felt that he had such neat hand writing and if you were being honest, his penmanship was adorable. You’ve mentioned it to him a few times in your letters and he was always quick to disagree. Something about the way he wrote a tiny heart next to your name always made your cheeks warm up. You found it hard to believe that he was turning twenty-seven in just a few months by the way he seemed so childish not only in his writing, but in the little doodles and the way he would write your address in bubble letters. After giving yourself a few seconds to calm your racing heart, you took the note out of the envelope and began reading.

“Dear y/n,                            July 12, 2019

Hey stranger, it’s been a while and I’d like to apologize for that. I’d say work was driving me insane, but I know you have it just as hard juggling your career and your education so there’s really no excuse. How have you been? I’ve missed writing to you and hell, I’ve missed you even more. Thank you for continuing to write to me over the last few weeks even if I failed to do so for you. I promise you I’ll send you so many letters this week the mailman will probably start hiding them out of irritation. Maybe I should pull a Harry Potter and have an owl deliver them to you so they can get to you faster. Just a little update, I got the promotion I told you about earlier which I’m pretty excited for and I know what you’re about to say; I’m sorry for not believing you when you told me that if anyone deserved the lead position, it was me. You know how I can get sometimes, especially when it comes to my job, but I’m very thankful that you see the best in me and you never fail to support me in each and every thing that I do.

I finally went out and tried the strawberry cheesecake ice cream from Baskin Robbins that you recommended and I’m so mad at myself for not trying it earlier. It’s sooooooo good. Oh, Jackson and I went to the bookstore the other day and I saw the fifth installment of the “Series of Unfortunate Events” books and I thought of you and how you finished the entire series in less than a week. You’re insane you know that? But you’re also pretty amazing. Jackson keeps bothering me about meeting you and I keep telling him when it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen. I want you to know though that I can’t wait to finally meet you. Sometimes I forget how old I’m getting when I find myself bouncing off the walls the minute Jackson brings in the mail and I see your letters. I’m not rushing you, but I do have a break coming up here in a couple of weeks (hint, hint) so if you’d like to come up here to California for the holidays, I’d love to show you around ;).

Well, I’d better get going, I have more letters to write. By the way, I have a surprise coming your way in the next few days so be ready for it. Don’t forget to eat all your meals and try not to work so hard. Maybe I should come visit you instead and give your asshole boss a piece of my mind. Anyways, I hope you’re doing well and I don’t care how busy I am, I will make time for you. So if you’re ever feeling sad, upset, tired or lonely, just remember that I’m always going to be here for you. I may not be there for you physically, but just know you’re always on my mind every single day. I’m sure your workload is overwhelming right now, so feel free to take as long as you want to get back to me(but don’t take too long your letters are the only thing I look forward to) Take care and hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely, Mark.”

The tears were hot against your cheeks and you didn’t even realize you were crying until the words started to smear and you were quick to pull the letter away to prevent it from getting ruined. Sometimes you had a hard time believing this was all real and not a figment of your imagination. Pen pals were considered taboo; writing back and forth to a stranger about your life and things that went on in it wasn’t something you’d thought you’d be doing but here you were. Mark wasn’t even considered just your pen pal at this point, he was a friend, a confidant; your safe haven. 

His words never failed to move you each and every time he wrote to you, but something about this letter in particular was making you feel things in your heart that you’ve never felt before. For someone you’ve never met before, you felt as if you’ve known him forever. He seemed extremely sincere and always checked up on your mental health and physical being. 

Did things like this actually happen in people’s lives? Were there other people out there who had a unique relationship like you and Mark? The more the two of you would write back and forth to one another, the more you were afraid in actually meeting him. You didn’t want things to change. What if unlike in your letters, he wasn’t as invested in you and what if interacting with him was awkward and uncomfortable? 

You didn’t want to lose his friendship if he came to the realization that he preferred the postal version of you and not the actual you. You reread the letter at least five times and his words had a stronger effect on you each and every time you read it over again. He missed you? It wasn’t the first time he was cheeky in his writing, but this was the first time he admitted that he’s constantly thinking about you and waiting for your letters. But what did it mean? Was it possible for someone you’ve never met to develop feelings for you? 

Surely there was no way Mark could harbor any romantic feelings for you. He didn’t even know what you looked like; so what else other than your letters made him think about you constantly? You came to the decision that you weren’t going to overthink this entire situation and allow yourself to go to bed. All your worries were just going to have to wait until the morning. Unfortunately, your mind was running a mile a minute and there was no way you could find it in yourself to fall asleep. 

As much as you hated bothering him, you knew the only way you’d get to get your well deserved slumber was if you talked to BamBam and told him what happened. You crossed your fingers and hoped he wasn’t asleep and when you heard his raspy voice through the phone, a soft sigh of relief fell from your lips. 

“I’m so sorry to bother you and even more sorry if I woke you, I just—I couldn’t sleep.” He let out a soft giggle, nonverbally letting you know that it was fine. It wasn’t the first time you’ve woken him up in the middle of the night, and he was aware that he was the only one who you could trust in listening to you and getting you to calm down. BamBam felt honored that you could confide in him and he was even more appreciative knowing that you would do the exact same for him if he needed it. 

“You’re fine. You know you can reach out to me whenever you need to. I know I don’t expect anything from you, but just remember; I really like taro bubble tea with boba. 100% sweetness. But that’s besides the point. What’s up?” You nibbled on your bottom lip out of nervousness at the thought of his response to your dilemma, but everything just came flowing out of you. 

“I—I got another letter from Mark today.”

“That’s good! Isn’t that what you wanted? You’ve been acting so gloomy these days and I am completely aware it’s partially because of work, but you and I both know that Mr.Pen Pal has a lot to do with your melancholic mood. So why do you sound so upset?”

“He told me he misses me, that he has a vacation coming up and wants to finally get to meet me and that he can’t stop thinking about me. Isn’t that—doesn’t that sound weird? Like, we’ve never met each other in the flesh. All we do is write letters back and forth to one another. He’s never heard my voice, he has no clue what I look like and other than the information I write in my letters, he doesn’t know much about me but at the same time, he knows everything. Isn’t that strange? And what’s worse, is that I’ve been feeling something, something in my chest that I’ve never felt before and it scares me. He’s practically a stranger Bam! And like you’ve joked around about countless times, he could be hiding his actual identity. He might be writing me from jail, or in divorce court—“ 

Although you couldn’t see him, you’ve been friends long enough with BamBam to know that there was a huge chance he was frowning at your words. You were infamous for rambling on and on about the most unnecessary things sometimes. However, he knew you were genuinely confused and had no clue what to do about this entire situation. But BamBam, considering the joker he was who lived with the “you only live once” lifestyle had a gut feeling that your relationship with Mark was no longer just letters to a stranger. 

He witnessed how distressed you were over the last few weeks not receiving anything from Mark. He’s seen how happy you’d get when you finally did get a letter. He’s heard you squeal and giggle at Mark’s sweet words and he would observe the way you would bite your lip and scrunch your nose in excitement. You’d always go in to great detail about how intelligent, kind-hearted and charismatic Mark was and your eyes, there was always this particular glint in them whenever Mark came up in a conversation. 

BamBam has never been in love before. Hell, he’s never experienced being in an actual relationship, so he never knew what it felt like to love and to be in love with someone. Even if you weren’t in love with Mark, he knew you must’ve had some kind of feelings for him and if he was being honest, if it wasn’t love; he didn’t know what it was. 

“I don’t mean to interrupt you, but can I be honest? I think you’re in love with Mark. And before you can call me crazy and try to disagree, think about it. You don’t need to say it out loud, he’s constantly on your mind the way he claims you are on his. You practically live in front of your mailbox, waiting to get anything from him and don’t you think I didn’t see the small note he wrote for you in your wallet. You spend hours writing notes to him, not knowing exactly what to say because I’m sure you’re afraid of boring him or scaring him away and you’re worried at the thought of no longer having him in your life. If you didn’t love him y/n, you wouldn’t give two shits whether or not he were to stop writing to you nor would you be calling me up to vent about your concerns. I know it’s a lot to take in and it might seem weird because he’s a stranger, but is he really a stranger to you y/n? I feel like you know more about him and talk with him more than you do some of your family members. He makes you happy y/n, in ways that not even I can and I like the effect he has on you. Consider finally getting to meet him won’t you? If it doesn’t work out the way you want it to, then you can end this entire thing completely but I’m sure he will love the physical you as much as he does the person he writes to. Like I said, I’ll come to California with you! I wouldn’t mind going to Disneyland, but I come with a fee—so feel free to pay for my ticket. We can continue this conversation over breakfast tomorrow okay? I hope I helped, goodnight y/n.” 

The following week came and gone in the snap of a finger. You finished the proposal the day after your day off and turned it in just a few hours before your boss was expecting it. Since work was so hectic which you both hated and loved for obvious reasons, it took your mind off of the many worries going on in your head. A few days later, you received another letter from Mark and a box you assumed to be the surprise he wrote about in his last letter. When you opened the box and saw the snow globe that had a couple inside going around an ice skating rink, a huge smile rose on your face followed by a stray tear. 

“This snow globe can be your reality if you come to see me. I remember you saying you have yet to experience snow, so let me be the first one you share that experience with. It’s getting pretty cold up here, so pack wisely; but just know that I’m practically a human furnace and I’d love to warm you up ;). Sincerely, Mark.”

After getting breakfast with BamBam the morning after your little breakdown, you came to the decision that you were going to fly up to California and finally meet the man who owned your heart. You also came to the conclusion that BamBam was right. 

You were in love with Mark. 

You didn’t have to see him or interact with him physically to know that he was where your heart now resides. All those late nights you stayed up thinking about his passionate and heartfelt words, the feeling in your chest that’s been going on for the last few weeks, always looking forward to the mailman coming to see if he’s written to you, reading his letters over and over again to the point where you memorized each and every word. It all made sense. 

You didn’t care what would happen once you got there, your heart was stronger than your mind and it craved to finally meet him. In your recent letter, you told Mark about your plans, and you could only hope he was serious about wanting to meet you and not just messing around. Poor BamBam had to hear you go on and on about rethinking your decision and that it was going to be a mistake, but he did his best to reassure you that everything was going to be okay and that you were overreacting. 

Two weeks after you received a letter from Mark saying that he was over the moon at your decision to fly up to California, you and BamBam started to plan out your trip and put in your vacation time at work. Since you needed a quicker way to interact with him, the two of you ended up exchanging numbers to let him know when you landed so that he could pick you up at the airport. The idea of meeting him as soon as you landed both worried you and excited you. However, you couldn’t stop thinking that the car ride to your hotel was going to be awkward. Luckily BamBam was an amazing conversationalist and if you ended up not being able to converse with Mark, he could do it for you. 

You were extremely grateful that BamBam offered to go on vacation with you. Sure, he kept telling you that he’s been dying to take a vacation and that there were so many places in California that he wanted to visit,  but nonetheless you were glad that you had someone to go with you not only for safety reasons, but to keep you company and to console you if meeting Mark didn’t end up the way you expected it to. The entire months of November seemed to pass you by so quickly and before you knew it, you and BamBam were on a plane to California. 

“How are you feeling? You finally get to meet your Prince Charming, aren’t you excited? Oh don’t give me that look—what do I keep telling you? I swear to God I can’t wait to tell your kids one day about how their mom was so nervous to meet their dad—the first thing I’m going to warn mark about is how abusive you are. There’s really nothing for you to worry about, if things end up going to shit then what can you do? That’s life. But they’ll only end up that way because you made them that way. If you’re worried about what he looks like, like I told you before he’s hot—if I were a girl I’d go for him, if it is the same guy who’s Instagram I’ve been stalking for the last month. If he turns out to be some old dude let’s just hope he has money—ENOUGH WITH THE HITTING. Mark will love you for you, no matter what and if he doesn’t, he’s missing out on such a wonderful human being. I’ve already searched up bars in the area that we’re staying in just in case you need to get drunk. You’re welcome. Now try to sleep, we have a 7 hour flight and those eye bags aren’t cute y/n.” 

You gently squeezed his hand and rested your head on his shoulder. You wanted to retaliate against his playful comments, but you were too tired to even think of anything to fire back with. BamBam smiled softly at your now sleeping figure and playfully ran his fingers through your hair before falling asleep himself. After sleeping for what felt like hours, BamBam woke you up to let you know that the plane was landing soon. The nerves started to kick in again and you found yourself releasing a couple of deep breaths which BamBam got a kick out of. 

“How do I look? Is my outfit okay? Should I go change? How’s my hair? Do I have any dried up drool on my chin?” He gave you a look of disgust and brought his hands up to your face and pinched your cheek. 

“You look beautiful y/n. Especially for someone whose been on a plane for quite some time. Stop worrying, you’re giving me anxiety. No drool, you’re good. Now let’s do this.” Once the plane landed, you sent Mark a quick text saying that you and BamBam finally arrived in Los Angeles and gave him your gate number to which he responded immediately with a smiley face and a thumbs up. From the time you gave him your number up until now, he’d only send you emojis, funny videos or memes. The sweet, heartfelt messages were saved specifically for his letters and you liked it that way. BamBam stood up as soon as the plane landed but you yanked his arm and had him sit back down. 

“Come on y/n, why does it seem like I’m more excited to meet Mark than you are.” You rolled your eyes and motioned toward the line of people that was building up. 

“We’ve traveled together many more times than I can count and you still never learn. Everyone knows not to stand up to try and leave once the plane lands dumbass. I want to meet him, but three extra minutes won’t kill me. Don’t use him as an excuse, you just want to get off the plane.” 

After everyone practically cleared the plane, BamBam reached for both of your carry-ons in the storage bins and led you towards baggage claim. Your heart began racing, time was ticking down extremely fast and your anxiety was building up. You couldn’t help but wonder how Mark was feeling at the idea of meeting you. Was he just as nervous? Or was he excited to finally meet the person he’s been writing to for the last six months? 

When BamBam picked up both your luggage’s, the two of you made your way to the gate and when you saw the person holding a sign with your name on it, your breath hitched. You were so focused on the devastatingly handsome man who you assumed to be Mark that you failed to notice the huge grin on BamBam’s face. His smile was practically cheek to cheek at this point.

“You know, I should quit fashion and become an investigator of some sorts. I fucking knew it was him. I’m fucking amazing.” You let out a small snicker when you remembered the first time BamBam searched up his profile to make sure you weren’t interacting with some freak on the Internet. When he said Mark was good looking, you felt like BamBam was just playing around with you but now that you’re looking directly at him, BamBam’s words were an understatement. He had yet to notice you walking towards him and you were right about to wave him down until the most embarrassing thing possible happened. As much as you were thankful BamBam was there with you, you should’ve known the possibility of him embarrassing you was quite high. 

“Ayo Mark! Over here man!” You shoved the older boy and shamefully tried to hide behind him, but he dodged your movement and continued to wave at him. In your peripheral vision, you could see Mark walking towards you and you allowed yourself to take a look at him so you didn’t look stupid. God, he was beautiful and his smile was indescribable. He began jogging towards the two of you and before your mind could process anything, you were being pulled in to his embrace and he swung you around as if you were light as a feather. He was right, he was practically a furnace and you could feel your cheeks warming up at the feeling of his arms around your waist. 

“Wow, I—you are—wow—hi. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I just—hi. It’s nice to finally meet you. You are so beautiful. Jackson’s description of you doesn’t do you justice. Oh, hello! BamBam right? Nice to meet you too man. Y/n always raves about you in her letters. Thanks for always taking such good care of her. How was your guy’s flight?” 

You remembered Mark mentioning his roommate in a few of his letters and you couldn’t help but smile with the way he was interacting with your best friend. They had only just met, but during the walk to his car they talked as if they were good friends. You were shocked at how natural this all was and you felt so stupid for overreacting at the idea of meeting him. With the way he was acting so friendly and bubbly towards you, you regretted not meeting him sooner. 

Once the three of you made it to his car, he took the luggage’s from the both of you and told you to get settled in. When you took a seat in the front, you turned around and looked at BamBam with a content look on your face. 

“See, I told you. I fucking told you. This guy is perfect. Are you sure you need me here? You’re doing fine on your own. Maybe I’ll have him drop me off to the hotel and you can go with him and get to know each other if you know what I’m saying.” 

You knew exactly what the cheeky boy meant and you rolled your eyes at his words but your chest tightened up at the idea of being alone with Mark. When he made his way back in to the car, he handed you the beautiful bouquet of flowers and buckled up before starting the engine. 

“You’re giving these flowers a run for their money with how beautiful you are, you know that? Sunflowers are your favorite if I remember correctly right? It makes sense. You’re bright, you stand out and you light up an entire room. So, which hotel are the two of you staying at? I’ll drop you both off and then we can go get some lunch or something. I have a few things planned for us but if you guys have other things in mind then that’s fine too.” 

He wasn’t real, he couldn’t be. There was no way. Were you dreaming? Were you and BamBam still on the plane waiting to land? He was charming, gorgeous and quite the gentleman. This had to be a set up. Out of all the people in the world that you could’ve chose to be your pen pal, how did you end up with an actual Greek God who was driving you to the brink of insanity the longer you stayed in his presence? 

“We’re staying at the Grand Californian in Disneyland. We both got the 5 day park hopper pass, so feel free to join us. I’m sure y/n would enjoy it if you came. In more ways than one.” 

The last part came out as a whisper but you were sure Mark heard it and if looks could kill, BamBam would be six-feet-under. Hearing him giggle made your heart flutter; for someone who was just a few years away from thirty, he had the most adorable high pitched laugh and you knew you’d never get tired of hearing it. How could someone at his age be so damn cute? It wasn’t fair. 

“That sounds cool. I’m always up for Disneyland. Wintertime is the best time to go, so you both made a great decision in visiting right now. What do you think about snowboarding? My friends and I are planning to head up to big bear mountain this weekend and it’d be awesome if the two of you came. It’s actually where I planned on taking you to see the snow y/n. It’s one of the only places that actually snows around here, but if you’re not in to snowboarding or sledding, we can go somewhere that requires less physical activity and more sight seeing.” 

You could only pray that BamBam didn’t make his last comment seem dirty and secretly thanked God when all you heard was a soft snicker. The rest of the car ride seemed to go off without a hitch and conversation was mainly between Mark and BamBam, but you weren’t complaining. Since the airport was almost two hours away from your hotel, BamBam fell asleep around 45 minutes in to the drive and a part of you wanted to pretend you were sleeping so that things wouldn’t be awkward, but Mark had other plans. You were playing with your fingers out of nervousness when you saw Mark reach over the console to intertwine your fingers together. His laughter filled the car when he saw you practically freeze at the skin ship. 

“Is this okay? I’m sorry if it seems like I’m rushing things and if I’m being quite honest with you, I’m not normally like this. I’m very shy and extroverted around strangers but we’re not exactly strangers. You know more about me than most of my friends do. Hell, even more than some of my family members. I don’t know what it is, I just feel so comfortable around you. I’m sorry if I’m making it uncomfortable for you, but I’m very excited to spend these next three weeks with you.” 

His words, just like the ones in his letters were pulling at your heartstrings and you gently squeezed his hand to let him know that it was fine; and that you too were just as excited. To both your surprised, you brought his hand up to your lips and kissed the back of it. 

“I’m totally fine with it, really. It’s shocking to hear you’re a shy person when your letters say otherwise. If anything, I’m normally such the extrovert but you’re making me flustered. I’m excited too by the way. We can always ditch BamBam and hang out together, just the two of us.” 

Seeing his cheeks redden at your words made you feel at ease. Thankfully you weren’t the only one who was whipped. The two of you continued the conversation; he updated you on so many different things going on in his life and told you about all the different places he wanted to take you. 

“You have really small hands, but it’s cute. Honestly I think they fit perfectly in mine. You’re so cute you know that? If I wasn’t driving right now, I’d take all the time in the world to admire your beauty. Not to sound rude, but I’m glad BamBam is sleeping. He’d probably laugh at how cheesy I‘m acting right now. That’s why I didn’t want to bring Jackson. Jackson Wang is my version of BamBam and if you think BamBam is embarrassing, just wait until you meet him. I’m actually reconsidering having you meet him, he might just be the one that drives you away. But he’s been wanting to meet you from the moment I accidentally told him about you. I hope you know I’ve never been this way around anyone before. It’s just you. Only you have this effect on me and I like it.” He let out a soft sigh and began to graze your wrist with his thumb before continuing. 

“I um—I—fuck. You know what? I’ll just say it, I like you—no scratch that. I love you. I’m sorry if it’s weird to say considering we just met for the first time less than two hours ago, but I do. I fell in love with you y/n. Honestly right now is not the best time to admit it, but I’ve been bottling it up inside of me for the last few months and now that you’re finally here, I just needed to say it. This whole pen pal situation was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You—you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and if we weren’t on the freeway, I’d show you just how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You were my sweet escape—my getaway from how shitty life could be and every single time you wrote to me, I had to prepare my heart from practically beating out of my chest. I always thought the idea of butterflies flying around in someone’s stomach was so childish and if I’m being honest, I didn’t think it was possible but shit—you cause actually elephants to run around in my tummy. I promise, I really don’t mean to rush things and feel free to stop me at any moment—“

Since the freeway was not as busy in your opinion considering the fact that Los Angeles had some of the worst traffic in the entire world, or so Mark has told you about many times, you took this chance to reach over and place a soft kiss on his lips. 

“I love you too. You can thank the loud mouth in the back for helping me come to the realization and I too thought it wasn’t normal to be in love with someone I’ve never met or knew what you looked like, but your words—they never failed to put a smile on my face. Whenever I was sad, or if work stressed me out too much, I’d go back to one of your letters where you included a terrible pun or a dad joke and I found myself smiling like an idiot. When I read your letter from a few weeks ago where you said you missed me and that you were constantly thinking about me, I knew that most pen pals and even friends don’t feel that way towards each other. I was afraid of meeting you—I felt like things wouldn’t work out between us but I really don’t know why I was so worried. Being around you is such an indescribable feeling; I can’t find it in myself to stop smiling. And you’re right, you are really hot—temperature wise. But I guess physically too. I just want to thank you, for always supporting me and being there for me even if we still had yet to meet one another. You make my life so much easier and I’m a lot more happier now that you’re in it.” 

You leaned over one more time to place a chaste kiss on his cheek and Mark let out a soft groan causing you to look at him in curiosity. “The next rest stop is in 15 miles, I really want to kiss you right now. You’re a dream come true y/n. I don’t think three weeks is going to be enough time for us to spend together I might need to follow you back home.” 

You softly bit your lip out of excitement before facing the other direction so that he couldn’t see the blush on your cheeks at the thought of him wanting to spend more time with you. 

“I have my own room at the hotel if you wanna come and stay with me during the duration of our trip. Maybe then you can show me exactly how much I mean to you?” Right as he was about to respond to your cheeky remark, the groan from the back seat caused you both to laugh. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy for the both of you and I’ve been so supportive of your relationship from the start, but I swear to God if I hear y’all fucking through the walls I’m dropping you as a friend y/n. Lord, what did I sign myself up for. The two of you really are perfect for each other. And stop kissing him y/n. I don’t want him crashing before I can go to Disneyland. No more pda in front of me you freaks! Keep your eyes on the road lover boy. I’m going back to sleep, no more funny business you two!” 

Finally Mark took a cut off and ended up on a highway, bringing the three of you to a red light and Mark was able to steal a chaste kiss from your lips. When you felt him smile in to the kiss, you found yourself returning the ministration. 

“You think BamBam would hate us if I dropped him off at an in and out? I don’t think I can wait to relinquish in our love much longer and I don’t want to continue risking our lives having to kiss you especially since your lips are extremely addictive.”

“He’d be pissed! Don’t y’all dare even think about dropping me off—you horny little bastards can’t even wait half an hour more—you’re getting toilet paper as your wedding gift.” Even if he continued to embarrass you in front of Mark, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself at the idea of marrying Mark. It was still too early to think about your relationship together, but if things were to go in your favor, you wouldn’t mind getting to be the lucky girl who got to marry him.

A little more than half an hour later, you arrived to your hotel to both BamBam and Mark’s delight. After checking in and making your way to your rooms, BamBam gave you both knowing looks since you’re rooms were right next to each other. 

“It was nice meeting you Mark. You make y/n very happy. This is the happiest I’ve ever seen her. You guys are cute together. I’m going to get my well deserved rest. Let me know if you guys are actually going out for dinner. However, after hearing your conversation, you’ll probably eat each other instead—prepare yourself Mark, y/n is extremely aggressive but maybe you’ll be in to that. I’ll tell you both this right now if y’all get loud, I’m switching hotels. THIS IS A FAMILY HOTEL YOU FREAKS. You know, for someone who was so worried to meet this man, you’re taking things extremely well y/n. Okay, with the look on your face I’m going to take this as my leave. Have fun—but not too much fun—you know what? Don’t have fun at all. Suffer.” 

BamBam ran in to his room and left you outside of yours with Mark standing right behind you. You cursed BamBam under your breath for always saying the wrong things. “I know you said earlier that you were worried to meet me, but can I ask you why? like, can you go a little more in to detail? I mean, I was pretty nervous to meet you too, but much more excited.” 

You released a soft sigh before turning around to face him. Since you wanted to have Mark all to yourself before explaining your worries, you entered the room and sat down on the bed; quietly thanking him for bringing in your luggage before patting the spot next to you for him to sit down. 

“I don’t know, I just—I think it’s because I had a hard time believing this was happening. Our friendship—even right now. It’s too good to be true. But I didn’t worry about you, I know you were genuine and I know that the feelings I have for you are the product of how you’ve been treating me and taking care of me in the last few months. Every time I wrote to you, it didn’t feel like I was writing to a stranger. I felt like I was writing a letter to my best friend; someone who I can trust with my entire being. Someone who means a lot to me. But you’ve never gave me a reason to even question whatever it was going on between us. When I came to the realization that I was in love with you, I couldn’t stop thinking that it was wrong and that you’d want to stop things between us if you didn’t feel the same. I was actually afraid that you’d see me in person and think I was some horrendous looking creature and come up with some lame excuse to end our pen pal ship, if that’s even a thing—“ he lifted up your chin so that you were making eye contact with him before stealing a soft kiss from the corner of your mouth. This man was honestly going to be the death of you. 

“Jackson—he did the unthinkable the minute I told him about you but I can’t say it was unexpected. He always meddles in to my business so I should’ve known our situation would be no different. He searched you up on every social media platform and he wouldn’t stop raving about your beauty. I almost caved in and took a look for myself but you had a point in wanting to keep up the mystery. You want to know my real opinion of you y/n? I think you’re gorgeous. I can’t even fathom your beauty in to words. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met and actually it goes beyond just your beauty. It’s how kind and gentle you are. Your words, although they were short, sweet and to the point, I couldn’t stop smiling at the way you would add in nonsense words to describe your boss with and your little drawings were always so cute. I could tell that you were an optimistic and passionate person with the way you’d talk about your goals in life and your plans for the future. I found myself wanting to be apart of it and although I’d find that weird in any other situation, with you it just felt right. Would you like to be my girlfriend y/n? The distance will be rough, but we’ll make it work. You’d make me the happiest man in the world if you said yes.” 

You internally screamed at the idea of dating the beautiful boy in front of you but you nodded quickly before connecting your lips together in a passionate and heated kiss. Your lips melded together so naturally; as if you’ve kissed one another many times and it was a feeling you knew you’d never get enough of. 

“I love you Mark. So much.”

“I love you too baby. Normally I’d be able to explain in to detail just how much, but you have me at a loss for words. Now, I think it’s time to wake BamBam up from his nap shall we?”