#I'm going to keep reminding myself of all of this until it becomes as easy as breathing

[bettsfic]

Writing q: do you/did you ever feel like there's a dichotomy between writing something fun and light and tropey & writing something good/that you're proud of? I'm trying to write a romcom-esque multichap fic that ends happily but I keep running into this mental block that it's not Serious Work so it can't be what i would consider good (which is hilarious because a) its all fanfiction none of it is serious?? and b) i know that's not true!) lmao. Was jw if you have any thots on this

i've got an analogy for you.

before i started writing, i was really into baking. back then i was not only a perfectionist but an extremist. i believed that REAL baking meant using the rawest possible ingredients. the idea of store-bought puff pastry or pie crusts was appalling to me.

and every year i baked a pumpkin pie for thanksgiving. to bake the pumpkin pie, i had to go out at early o'clock in the morning on a saturday to my local farmer's market and pick out the most perfect pumpkins. and i don't know if you've ever baked pumpkin pie with real pumpkins but it takes a long damn time. and it's hard. and so i baked the pumpkins for hours and scraped out the innards and made a puree, and i roasted the seeds for a snack. and amid all that, i made the crust from scratch too.

the pie always turned out! so i kept making it that way. until one year i just wasn't up to the task, and instead swallowed my pride and bought canned pumpkin and a premade crust.

and it tasted exactly the same as the pie that took me an entire day to make. it was also much cheaper, because in our era of industry, the processed stuff has become more affordable than the raw stuff unless you grow it yourself. (and believe me, i wanted to.)

the only difference i could discern was in the texture, because canned pumpkin is pureed more than i could puree real pumpkin. canned pumpkin also has other kinds of gourds in it, but that doesn't really affect the taste. i also felt bad for not supporting my local farmers. but it was worth it to be able to bake a pie from start to finish in 90 minutes.

for so many years i had it in my head that if a process is harder, the result is better. it was that mentality that kept me in a job i hated for a long time. it's hard and i don't like it, therefore it's more serious and respectable. it was unconscionable to me to think that something fun and easy could result in something good.

when you're writing fanfiction or anything where you're relying on the audience's knowledge of something else (like tropes), you can get it in your head that it's inherently easier and therefore worse. and because it's a skill, in order to become better at it, you have to challenge yourself. to challenge yourself, you have to make it harder.

but you're making something. you're putting words on a page in formations that have never existed before. that's hard, period. you don't have to make it harder. your readers will value it regardless of the challenge you give yourself. every thanksgiving, my family just appreciated that i had baked a pie. they didn't care how i'd baked it or what ingredients i used. yes, the longer and more difficult process created a product i was more proud of than the shorter, easier process. but you can't taste pride.

this is something i have to remind myself of all the time, because my instinct is to make everything more difficult than it has to be. you're always going to be your own worst critic, in part because you're the only one who knows your own process and the blood, sweat, and tears you put into it. but ultimately, nobody cares about the pumpkins. all they want is the pie.

[cowboyjen68]

hi jen! i've know im a lesbian since I was 12, but because of my problems with socializing i've never actually had ANY romantic interactions(my lesbianism making things even harder, as you can imagine)

i'm almost out of high school and going to college, so i'm feeling very down about missing out on teen romance but dont want the same thing to happen again. do you have any tips on what i can do to avoid this problem in the future? i am genuinely clueless on what to do when looking for a partner, really

even if you dont actually have any advice to give i still really love your blog, it reminds me that lesbians can actually grow old and live happy lives💖💖thank you for hearing me out and i apologize for any grammar mistake!!

This is pretty easy because, while it was pretty outgoing and friendly, it was often not as my full self. I kept my horse girl, lesbian, butch and weird music and hobby side of myself under wraps from most of my friends. I had no word for lesbian or butch but my high school best friend knew I probably liked girls, we just never discussed it and it didn't bother her. It might have been harder on our friendship had I tried to come out in the 80's, not because it bothered her but the insinuations of all the others about our relationship would have been A LOT for a high schooler.

I waited until after college graduation and I used to sometimes look back and wonder how many times I missed out kissing a girl in high school or other women in college. How had twinges of regret for not having sex or even attempting intimacy with women.( I mostly avoided boys too because ew)

As I was sitting in a miserable passionless marriage to my wife of 17years, I pined for that passion and tingle that i had with my first girlfriend from ages 23 to 30. How many times did I miss that feeling with girls in my high school or college or at summer jobs because I was unsure of myself and not confident that any woman would find me attractive. I was even unsure if loving a woman was something I could do. Was it a real thing?

Looking back now I realize I just was not ready and most of my young friends in high school were not ready for me to be out and opening attracted to the same sex. I had fun in high school, made friends and had a small group of girls I was very close to. I enjoyed those friendships perhaps because I did not come out and cause those bonds to be strained.

In college I was concerned how my parents would react and I was in no way independent from their financial and emotional support. My friends were all around me experimenting with their sexuality and I was watching from outside, really wanting what they had but not willing to give up my security and college education to be open about being a lesbian. I knew I could just "do it and hide it" but I was not built for the stealthy life. I know if i was loving loving women it would be hard to be quiet.

Here is the point I am getting at with the sharing of all these experiences. If you were not ready to act on dating and attempting to date it is probably good that you listened to yourself. We are not on a time line and many young people feel pressured to date when their confidence, sexual maturity and social skills are not ready yet which can lead them to be vulnerable to abusive, controlling or unhealthy relationships. It is hard to listen to your own intuition and set and keep boundaries when you are trying to date just to not be the only one not dating.

What you more likely missed out on was not the thrill of dating but the hassle of pretending you want to date when it didn't feel right, at all.

You are heading to college. You are now becoming interested in the excitement of dating on your own and not because others think you need to date. You are craving the touch, the tingly feeling and the companionship of women. These are all good signs you are ready to date.

My advice:

1.Be honest with yourself and then her (your date) every time. Do not go on date number two if it does not feel right. If you are unsure go on another date but continue to listen to yourself.

2.You deserve passion and mutual excitement to be in the company of a woman. If one of you do not feel it, move on.

3.Do not stick to a relationship because it is "ok" or she is "nice" . You have the right to sexual, emotional and intellectual stimulation. Look for it and don't settle.

4.There will be other women so don't cling to the first one or the one willing to stick around just because she is there. If you don't feel all the afore mentioned excitement, be honest with yourself and her and move on.

5. Dating a woman with whom you share many wonderful moments and lots of joy does not mean you will be together forever or have that expectation. Short term love is a thing and neither of you are failures when that fades out.

6. Ask her. If you see a woman that interests you be clear that you would like to take her on a date and you have romantic interests. Don't be vague or try to use hints. This leads to miscommunications and false expectation every time.

7. Finally, use all the dating and flirting and breakups and heartbreaks and joy and fun and memories to form who and what you are looking for as a partner. All that experience is giving you a better idea on what makes you truly happy.

You missed out on nothing. The adventure is just beginning and it can start with a simple "Hi, I think you are cute. Would you be willing to go on a date with me?" She might say "no", but she MIGHT say "yes".

[ivyblossom]

Hi m'lovely, I hope you're doing well! It's so nice seeing you around here again <3

I've been meaning to ask you for a while if you'd be willing to talk more about the prompts (voice assistant and other) that you've mentioned setting up to help with your ADHD? I've tried to do similar things myself, like buying smart lightbulbs set to turn off at 11 and remind me to go to bed, but I still find I have a tendency to ignore them or for them to stop being helpful if my schedule changes at all. How do you make yourself stick to prompts that are easy to ignore?

@glitterarygetsit! Beloved! Most delightful of humans!

Yes, I hear you, I have this problem as well. Once routines become routine, they get easier to ignore or work around. I have not solved that yet, not completely, but I have a few suggestions.

The first thing is to think of future yourself as a beautiful puppy just here to have a good time. We don't want to hurt the puppy! The puppy is not being naughty on purpose, puppies are going to puppy, that's all! We embrace the puppy. But the puppy is stubborn and is really focused on having a good time, so we need to insert a variety of nudges leading to the key result.

When's bedtime? Are you switching the lights off at 11 beacuse you want to go to bed at 11? Your environmental nudges need to start quite a lot earlier, because the puppy is not paying attention and wants to keep playing puppy games. When the lights go off, the puppy can just switch them back on again.

Maybe it's better to think about the environmental controls as a way to indicating the passage of time more than just a message that means "go to bed". I need a variety of prompts to remind me that it's getting late, and I need them all. Your lights switching off, your audio signals, aren't just telling you to go to bed. They are interrupting what you're doing. One of the reasons we struggle to stop one activity and pick up a different one is because we are hyperfocused. Once you break the hyperfocus, you can make a different choice. Without it broken, you're stuck in a loop even if you want to get up and go to bed.

I also would like to be in bed at 11, so my nudges start at 9pm. I have the lights go off in succession: first one, then another, until there's just one left. When the first one goes off, I think, oh, it's getting towards time. Well, okay, but I want to do this other thing first. And then the second one goes. Oh boy, soon I'm going to be sitting in a dark room. Better finish this thing off. At 9am, I also have a bedtime playlist start to play. I almost never listen to it, but if I want to shut it off, I have to stop and do that.

I also follow that up with a series of other good ideas. Why not make yourself a night cap? (I make a lavender latte at bedtime.) What's for dinner tomorrow? What are you wearing tomorrow? lay out your clothes! Here's tomorrow's weather forecast! Have you washed your face? You know what would be nice right now? Wearing pajamas!

These prompts are things I would like it if I did, but they're also interruptions. I'm basically annoying myself out of whatever hyperfocus I'm in.

But also: let's not forget pleasure! The puppy likes things! That's why I introduced the night cap. When I remind myself that I could make myself one right now, sometimes it truly does tempt me, and then I'm in the routine loop. Add lovely things to your routine and treat yourself to them. Appealing things are easier to get yourself to do.

I create routines in strings, so I can adjust the timing on them pretty easily, I just adjust the start time. I do that more in the mornings than the evenings.

I think we probably need to schedule times to adjust the routine, or add fun new things to it. The best addition I've made to a routine recently is to start my morning one 10 minutes earlier and have the speaker tell me I can ignore it for 10 minutes. Strangely enough, that really helped.

Anyone else have suggestions?

I love you, @glitterarygetsit!

[our-transmasculine-experience]

I haven't legally changed my name, but I have been pushing my chosen name in my university - writing it down on quizes and tests, using a personal email instead of the assigned uni email that has my dead name, introducing myself with my actual name, just to name a few.

Also my native language requires a suffix at the end of the surname to indicate feminine gender so by removing the feminine suffix, leaving it bare and making it masc./neutur, it becomes pretty clear something is up, everyone in the country will either think you were born outside the country or you are trans if there's other factors (first name change, appearance) if you lack/add the suffix later in life.

Some professors have taken it well, very well actually. Some had a harder time because the name I go by can be seen as a nickname and not a full name - and I'm too scared to go by the full masc version of my name without legally changing it first - but they either got used to it or a simple change in pronunciation of the name made them more comfortable.

And then there's the ones that either cannot comprehend what's happening or are malicious about it. The first type is a professor to whom I literally wrote "prefered name: Name" in an attendance/topic sheet she gave us for one of the projects we needed to do. Ignored. I sent an email from my non-uni assigned email. She saw and replied to it. Ignored. But not only ignored, she used my government name. Which was extremely weird. She keeps forgetting my name, so I reintroduce myself and then she keeps ignoring me and uses my government name. But I still think she isn't too malicious about it.

Unlike the latter type - the straight up transphobic ones. I've had just two professors like that so far. The first one was easy to ignore, especially because we had the majority of our classes online with her. Again, she'd ask my name, I'd reply and she'd get grumpy about it. I know it was malicious because of comments shes made about trans people and neutral language.

And then we have the second one who also can't seem to remember my name, asks, I say my name and she makes a point to say the other name. I tried the different pronunciation trick and at first she accepted that... Until she figured out who I was and again made a point to say my legal name loud and clear for everyone to hear. In addition to that, she's been giving a little too many examples to definitions and the material we are studying that have been low-key transphobic.

Tbh if there were more people attending her seminars I'd straight up ignore her until she gets my name right, but because of how few we are, I don't want to start shit. Especially because we'll only have her for this one semester.

So yeah, academics can be a lot while being trans and not having access to medical transitioning. Still, I'm extremely glad my department is lefty and open minded and the majority of the people are chill. Yes, the negative experiences can sour the mood but I like to remind myself of all the good and understanding people around.

i’m really sorry to hear that some teachers have not been accepting, but the good part is that those teachers seem to be the minority of your college experience.

remember, there are always more good people than bad people.

[kbrick]

What do you think about the Draco haters? Personally I don't get them. I don't get how you can feel hatred for a child who was raised by fucked up people and then had to do awful things that he obviously hated to survive and keep his family safe too. All as a minor. Where has all the empathy gone? It's like they think they're talking about a hardened criminal lol. Why are people like this?

Okay, I'll be honest with you, nonny, I'm of two minds about this.

The thing that I feel in my gut when I see this sentiment out in the wild is irritation and maybe a little flare of anger. Because I love Draco. He's my favorite. I empathize with Draco, with what he went through in canon, and I also associate him with the thousand redemption character arcs I've read about him at this point. Have I argued with people on reddit over whether Draco should have been sentenced to life in Azkaban? Yes, I have. Am I proud of that? No, I am not. Looking back, it kinda makes me feel like an idiot.

I try to remind myself of two things when I feel this way. One, Draco is a character, not a real person, and we're talking about literature, not real life, and so it's really not that serious (please note - this is not usually effective in talking myself down off the ledge, but it ought to be mentioned).

And two, I used to hate (well, maybe strongly dislike) Draco.

I came to the fandom late (as a full-fledged adult!), but in my younger years, I was a big HP fan. I had all the books on a bookshelf in my room, I had a poster, I had pencils with big erasers on the end in the shape of the house mascots. I had my favorite Harry Potter mug (which just recently met an ignoble end on my kitchen floor, RIP favorite mug - and now I can't buy a replacement because I no longer buy HP merch because JKR is such a terrible human being and I refuse to support her...but I digress!).

And let's be honest: Draco Malfoy is a complete asshat in the books. He's the villain. He's petty, he's mean, he's arrogant with nothing at all to back it up. He says horrible things to Hermione, who was my very favorite character back when I read the series. And I was young enough to accept characters at face value back then, so yeah, I kind of hated Draco. I wasn't ranting about him online or anything, but if somebody would have asked me what I thought of him, I'd have probably blown a raspberry and given them a thumbs down.

It wasn't until the later books (Half-Blood Prince, specifically), that I began to neutralize on my view of Draco. Even back then, I felt bad for him in that bathroom scene. But it wasn't until I started reading Drarry (as an adult) that I looked back at Draco as a character and realized what a fucking delight he actually was (not in the sense that he was 'good' or whatever, but he was an excellent foil for Harry and was incredibly entertaining).

And part of this is maturity, I think. As a full-fledged adult, I no longer take characters at face value. I no longer think- oh, this character is being mean to the good guy, therefore they are a bad guy and I hate them. Instead, I think - wow, something is going on with this character, to make them act this way. They're so desperate for attention, or they're so insecure, or they were hurt so badly when xyz happened that they're lashing out. I look for the WHYS in characters. And Draco has a lot of whys, especially in fanon, and so it has become easy to empathize with him and like him.

Another part of it is that I have become a writer, and I appreciate complicated, compelling characters, and I'm no longer interested in Mary Sue good guys who are always noble and do everything right. Because let's be honest: people are not that way. We shouldn't write them that way. That's not truth, and I want to read and write truth.

But for readers who do not value characters beyond the hero, or who have chosen not to look more closely at character whys, Draco is a bad guy. He's not insecure; he's arrogant. It's not hurt feelings; it's a mean streak. And to be frank, I think JKR herself viewed Draco in this way (for the most part). Yes, she gave him some depth towards the end of the books, but I honestly think that was due to pressure from fans who wanted a redemption arc for Draco (and really, it's a half-assed redemption arc at best). I think JKR is a mostly black-and-white thinker, and I think she wrote a mostly black-and-white series. Harry and his friends are good, Draco and his friends are bad. Voldemort is evil. The end.

So I suppose what I'm saying is that I understand why people don't like Draco as a character. I think it suggests a bit of closed-mindedness on their parts, and maybe a lack of empathy, and that they're horribly boring irl (ha, had to get that dig in there). But the truth is that people are allowed to feel how they want to feel about characters. I'm not the interpretation police.

Does that mean I no longer get fired up when somebody on reddit says Draco should've been sentenced to life in Azkaban? Nope, I'm not that mature, come on. Will I continue arguing with them about it? I hope I'm beyond that, but we'll see. Do I still love Draco with all my heart? I do, and so you know what? I'm going to keep writing about him and enjoying him.

That's about all I have to say about that. Which was a LOT, actually. Who knew?

Thanks for the ask, nonny :) It was an interesting one.

[vanikolya]

Hi, you do x readers, right? Can i ask for some relationship Hc for spaceboy?

cw: none

reader info: they/them, no gendered terms used

notes: i love him so much ty for this request!! i call him halkenna / kenna in this sinceee it's his original name, you can google for more info if you want it since i'd like to keep this note short but it's not too hard to find if you just search "halkenna fairway" &lt;33 also to the person who requested something similar, i'll still probably be writing a oneshot for you! you'll have to bear with me though as i haven't written anything other than headcanons for a while

SPACE BOYFRIEND / HALKENNA FAIRWAY RELATIONSHIP HCS

his main love language is physical touch so he's very touchy if you're comfortable with it, lots of hugs and kisses and hand holding

the type of person to be like cuddling with you in a morning and get all whiney when you try to get up and he's still half asleep, until you get back into bed or have him begrudgingly accept that you have plans and things to do and you have to be up etc etc

expanding on the previous point a little, i feel like he's not really the type to have many lie ins? idk i feel like being a space pirate captain is kind of a busy, "get up early" kind of ordeal especially if he and his crew have something planned

but especially if you're not always one for adventures and you decide to stay home sometimes, kenna will probably end up being extremely clingy with you when he gets back and spends the time he can to relax with you and have lie ins where he can just cuddle with you since there's nothing exactly impending he has to sort out

probably second is quality time fr kenna will jump at the chance to spend time doing things with you, most often he will also invite you on his funny little space adventures unless he knows it's going to be something dangerous (although fair play if he knows you could handle yourself there)

although aside from adventures i seem to have convinced myself that kenna likes playing videogames despite the fact i'm not even sure if he'd 100% canonically have any lmao i forgot if they're ever mentioned to be a thing in the dream world but oh well

"YES I WON AGAIN OMG" and then kenna's there being all proud of you for winning as if he wasn't consistently being distracted by how excited you were whilst playing the game with him so technically it was an easy win but he's not going to tell you that so-

he will like bring you cool things from other planets he goes to, like especially if you're a "collects little trinkets" type of person (im guilty of this ;u;), like cool little crystal things and stuff, or just things that he can reasonably bring back that reminded him of you

i feel like he can't cook because he's like never really had to? like he has his dad who woulda looked after him as a kid and then he inherited his position from his dad so he'd probably have people in his crew who cook for him now, or he just exclusively eats out or eats pre-packaged foods (wow i went on a little tangent here) but like yeah if you cooked for him even like just once he'd adore it so much, even if it was just like the simplest meal you've made in your life

he doesn't leave you alone when you're sick, of course unless you want alone time, but otherwise he is just completely unfazed by "but you might get sick too if you're staying with me for so long" and more concerned with keeping you company and making sure you're okay and looking after you

this one's kind of a given but he writes you music!! he's probably a little shy at first about showing you because what if you don't like it or what if you think he's being too much and it weirds you out? that doubt is completely gone after the first time he shows you something he's written for you though

he has. he has a little notebook he just carries around with him and it's like one of his most treasured possessions fr because he writes little snippets of things that could become song lyrics or he writes little ideas for "oh this song could sound like this" except it's just like the most wholesome thing because ever since you two started dating it's mostly just been like cute romantic stuff and like "i like (name) i like them a lot and this song is about them brrrrr <333" sjdhsjdsjd

gives you his cape to like use as a blanket (wrap around yourself, drape on your shoulders etc) if you're like waiting somewhere for something and its cold, even though it's not exactly the best solution but at least it's some kind of solution i suppose and he's trying sjdjdjd

also btw just know he'd probably go to the ends of the universe for you or something if you ever needed anything so don't hesistate to communicate about anything you need (i say, having communication issues myself help sjdjfjdd) i don't think he actually has the capability to ever see you as a burden

also goes pretty much the same with how he'd defend you with his life if he ever needed to go that far

you probably had your first kiss after some particularly precarious space adventure, either when kenna came home or when you had a peaceful moment if you were there with him, idk the whole "i know we've been taking things slowly but we could have lost each other today" type thing

but now at this point he will literally just pepper you with kisses whenever he gets the chance like fr he's literally just- most affectionate man to ever have lived. has also probably like kissed the back of your hand all fancy like or swept you up into his arms and kissed you all dramatically at least twice

you've seen how he reacted to a breakup now imagine how wholesomely dramatic he can get when he's actually in a relationship

he's also a really good listener!! he loves hearing you talk about your interests as well as listening if you have a problem- your happiness is his happiness so as mentioned earlier with the "ends of the universe" thing he won't hesitate to try to help with anything

do the same for him tho okay :(( he needs holding gently both physically and emotionally after his whole ordeal with sweetheart

i have no idea why i left this until so far down but space related (ig) pet names for each other are a must, like starlight and moonbeam and i don't actually have any others to hand rn those two just live in my brain rent free. also expect a lot of likely cheesy compliments of the same nature like "i've been travelling this universe my entire life and you're still the brightest star i've ever seen"

[vakarians-babe]

9 Ship Songs

I got tagged again by @palipunk for this so I figured I would take the chance to do my two Baldur's Gate 3 ships so far hehe. Tagging @zevrn @ottobooty @ysali @isayashai @gracehtml @cairaleighexe

Shadowheart x Imvae

Howl - KAYE Aren't you tired of fighting? Aren't you tired of fighting yourself? What if I pleased only myself instead? When every night my teeth fall out of my head He's in my blood but not my soul Who you love's not in your conscious control

Chance with you - mehro You're so beautiful I don't want to turn away You've been here before Make me feel like you're a Wild animal, shaking, I am your prey I'm all you want

Apocalypse - Cigarettes After Sex Your lips, my lips Apocalypse. Your lips, my lips Apocalypse.

Stolen Roses - Karen Elson There once was a time when I was a girl That darkness hung in my sky I was old before I learned to be young Stone cold 'till I learned how to cry

Talk Too Much - COIN You know my type, tightrope across the table Mm-hmm, uh-huh, I can't keep holding my breath New wave, no time, red velvet, under pressure Blah blah, green eyes, I never leave it unsaid Why can't I leave it unsaid?

Wyll x Dearbhla

MY GOD! - Tessa Violet If you keep it up, I'ma see the light Open up the gates to my paradise like My God, my God! Oh! My God, my God! Taking me to heaven when I feel you breathe Singing like an angel got me on my knees like My God, my God! Oh! My God, my God!

Final Days - Ben Thornewill And I will be your best friend, that's the easy part You'll keep me honest, keep me laughing, keep that spark And when the midnight oil is burning in the dark You'll lift me up, you'll keep me going Until the end, keep me going

Rain Clouds - The Arcadian Wild I'm being shadowed by my past Reminding me of what I was and what I could become My sins should stay where they belong

Atlas Hands - Benjamin Francis Leftwich I will remember your face 'Cause I am still in love with that place When the stars are the only things we share Will you be there?

[saveourpinks]

So I came from tiktok and just HAD to say something about this show in a platform that I use more and without my face. I already Talked to a hulu agent to bring back the show so fingers crossed that works, and I'll say what this show means to me while I listen to the song "Take the Wheel" on loop which I will explain why this song in particular

So, I first saw this show as LGBT rep rec which clearly happened with Cynthia and Lydia which LET ME TELL YOU CRUSHING ME, MERELY PLAYERS, AND ALL IN BROKE ME! But I was always interested because I love Grease. But man when I watched this show I didn't think I would love it as much I did.

I related to main four specifically Cynthia, Nancy, and Jane on various levels that made me really happy. For example for the longest time I was Cynthia, I didn't want to be a "Pink Lady", I wanted to be one of the T-Birds (that now has changed thanks to Cynthia and I'm currently searching for a Pink Ladies jacket). I was too girl to hang out with boys but too boy to hang with girls to the point I didn't have a true until second grade (She's the Nancy and Olivia to my Cynthia and Jane). And Cynthia's story with Lydia made me so happy to see it ended happily AND I HOPE TO SEE MORE

But then there's Nancy. God so much of Nancy reminded me of friends and myself. Nancy's reasoning she wanted someone to love her for her and her weirdness really touched me. I'm obsessed with anime, cartoons, and musicals so I was never quite the person that was easy to like. I'm so glad I found my best friend. There's another part of Nancy I like that was more of a Headcanon so I'll wait to see if that becomes Canon. But I don't know how often listen to "Brutal Honesty"

Now Jane. God, I hate it when I say I like the main character cause it seems so basic usually but with Jane I did feel a connection. So the same best friend was happy to listen to me scream about the songs and i sent "Take the Wheel". And her first comment after was "this is your favorite song ain't it?". The reason? Because she immediately saw me within the lyrics. All my life was labeled as the "Good girl" that should know better than to cause trouble. But the Chorus of "A shameless nerd. An ambitious girl. A Rebel on the honor roll. A teacher's pet looking for good trouble. Italian, Puerto Rican. Let me be the voice of reason". I'm even Puerto Rican.... I'm not Italian tho. But the way she wants both kinda touched me because for the longest time I wanted to uphold this image, but I knew I wanted more with more a rebellious nature. So I'm excited to see how it keeps going for her.

This is long, but this what this show means to me.

[healingheartdogs]

People will really be like "ADHD and time blindness aren't an excuse to forget things or be late, just set alarms on your phone" as if my ADHD is not so good at ignoring things that it encounters often that I won't turn the alarm off without even processing mentally that an alarm went off and I stopped it to begin with after using that alarm for like a week.

Part of the inability to regulate my attention is also not paying attention to things that happen regularly because they become background noise to my ADHD. I've literally been in voice chat on discord with my bf, had an alarm go off and stopped it without even pausing my conversation, and had zero awareness of it going off or me stopping it until my bf interrupted me to ask me what that alarm was for. It was the alarm to tell me to take my ADHD meds and my beta blockers.

But after he asked me that and I realized what had happened and answered him I took my meds right, because he reminded me by asking? WRONG! My ADHD was still stuck on finishing the point I was making in the conversation we were having that he interrupted and I couldn't get myself to task switch until we finished the conversation and I had long forgotten about the alarm and my meds again by that point (I forgot pretty much instantly after answering him ngl, which is not unusual). I only remembered to take them after we finished that conversation because he was aware enough of my habits and ADHD to realize that me continuing talking meant I hadn't stopped to take them and had probably quickly forgotten, so he asked me if I had taken my meds yet after we finished the conversation to remind me.

Half the time I am reminded to take my beta blockers not by alarms or someone else reminding me, but because I develop awful headaches and my heart rate skyrockets when I stand and my Fitbit starts buzzing at me because it thinks I'm exercising and is like "keep it up, you're hitting a cardio peak!" I have to take those things three times a day, I have alarms for all my meds, and I still forget to take them more than once or twice every single day. I have a stockpile of meds because of how often I forget to take them even with alarms and other people sometimes asking me if I've taken them.

ALARMS. DO. NOT. WORK. FOR. ADHD. Please for the love of god stop suggesting them and acting like they're an easy solution that we're overlooking because we're just lazy or don't care enough about being on time or getting things done. I have 15 different daily alarms on my phone to remind me to do things and also just remind me of time passing because of how bad my time blindness is and I still forget to do half the things those alarms are for daily. When they do work it's usually because other people around me who know I have ADHD ask me what the alarm I just turned off without even looking at my phone was for. THEY ARE NOT A REAL SOLUTION FOR THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WITH ADHD.

[plushii-gutz]

Part 11 🌚 it's shorter than usual, but that's intentional I swear

🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴

Furnoss was amazed with the efficiency of the three monsters, having prepared lunch in half the time it usually took him. When he asked how, the answer was simply "together." It became apparent how easy the task would've been if he simply trusted them. A lot of things would have.

It's funny, really, how long it took for Furnoss to acknowledge just how tough he had been on everyone. How he expected them to do so much when they didn't have the ability to, whether he was at fault or not. It still poked at his mind a lot, despite the apology he had given and the forgiveness he received. It would take a while for everyone to adjust, but it was a welcome change. For most, at least.

"Excuse me," Furnoss stood from the table, "I need to bring Loodvigg something to eat. I don't want it to die any time soon. Not yet, at least."

Attmoz and Glaishur took over, Syncopite and Scaratar leaving to get the proper rest they needed. Furnoss was careful with every step, keeping himself aware of any noises he or the bone monster made while opening the door. Loodvigg sat inside, opening their eyes once the fire monster made himself present.

"Going well, I hear."

"It is. Much better. A lot can change with such little time."

"That is true," Loodvigg stood up, "Much can change visibly. But, I suppose you're fully aware of your situation?"

Furnoss sat down the meal he had brought for them, speaking as firm as he could.

"I am."

"They don't really believe you yet."

"Is that so?"

The dark monster stood up, scittering closer to its old friend. The red monster kept his eyes forward.

"It's been years," Loodvigg continued, "and I believe you fully that things seemed to have changed. But it's only that. Only 'seemed'. They don't fear you anymore. They won't respect you soon, either."

"They don't respect me because I scare them," Furnoss spat, "They respect me because I've learned to respect them. They aren't kids anymore, and they've shown it."

"It has only been one day. You'll need someone to remind them who's in charge. Who did so much for them for so long."

"It'll take more than that to convince me that any of your words are true. What you had done is still prominent."

Loodvigg moved back, lowering itself to the ground and tucking its spidery limbs underneath itself. They seemed to have lost their original intentions.

"Oh, Furnoss. Yes, I've had hours to think of my actions - and I'm remorseful. I let my past define my present, and it was entirely wrong."

The fire monster lifted an eyebrow.

"The Galvana I know isn't the one from before. That staff was merely a coincidence! It was foolish for me to act so quickly. And for so, so long I had shut myself out. Never until now had I become so aware of my wrongdoings."

Furnoss moved back, shaking his head. Loodvigg wouldn't have changed that quickly. Would it? If he himself had changed, maybe Loodvigg could have too?

"No."

"What?"

"You're staying here until I believe you. Until we all believe you."

And like that, the conversation had ended. The room was emptied of its voices. The door shut and locked. The monster held himself against the wall for a moment, focusing on his breathing. There was just something about Lood' that always threw him off so much. Their dull appearance, their cold voice. He just couldn't pinpoint what it was.

"Furnoss!" Attmoz called, "We're heading out back to the garden. You wanna tag along?"

"..coming!" Furnoss answered.

🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃🍃

A lot of the children's time was spent outside, as it provided plenty of activities for them to enjoy. A common place the group explored was the garden they all shared. Though it was seen primarily as Scaratar and Blasoom's garden, anyone was welcome. Unfortunately, the trip was still a difficult one for the smaller of the monsters. Glaishur carried Hornacle down the steep parts, almost slipping himself in the process. He was lucky Attmoz was aware of how clumsy the cold monster was, else they'd need more bandages.

The garden was small but held plenty of plants and colorful growth. Blasoom tended to the flowers, chirping happily at the new buds beginning to bloom. Scaratar picked a few freshly grown berries, offering some to Torrt and Plixie. Attmoz sat near the edge, enjoying the light winds and calm rustling of the grass. Hornacle encouraged Galvana to come with them to a small, soft patch of moss with overhanging vines to explore. The water monster knew they wouldn't be able to play much, so maybe something as simple as examining the lovely colors would be preferred. It was certainly appreciated, as some of the other little monsters came to understand that they needed to be a bit more careful around Galvana for a short while.

"This is quite impressive," Furnoss praised, "Did you do this all by yourself?"

"Mostly," Scaratar admitted, "We needed Attmoz and Hornacle to make a few rain clouds for us when we started, but we did the rest on our own!"

The poison monster stepped back to Furnoss's side, admiring her and Blasoom's hard work.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"It's amazing, Scaratar."

The afternoon is surprisingly calm. Plixie placed a crown of flowers over Glaishurs head, slanted enough so it hid the bandages that covered the cold monsters eye. Vhamp had given Galvana's bandages a bit of decoration, too, a green vine wrapped around with small yellow flowers. Furnoss felt a warmth in his heart that hadn't been lit in years. The kindness every monster here had shown to one another, the understanding and care. He hoped that he too could learn. Admitting that he wanted things to change and allowing to be guided was already a big step, and the others seemed to believe him enough for the monster to believe in himself.

Furnoss's mind went back to Loodvigg. Did they really want to change? He needed to be sure. The safety of the kids is more important than theirs. Would it be fair to keep it trapped if it truly meant what it said, even if he were just trying to be safe? Lost in thought, the fire elementalist stared off in the distance as time passed. He snapped from his trance as the sound of soft humming filled the air around him.

Galvana had run off to Attmoz's side, followed by Vhamp and Hornacle. Glaishur moved over as well, Torrt sitting on his shoulder and Plixie on his head. Syncopite had finally come along, too, standing next to Scaratar. The gentle song came from Attmoz, humming and strumming a new air guitar he had made while the breeze flew through his hair. Galvana tried their best to sing along while not knowing the rhythm, the air monster slowing his own music to allow them to catch up. That's what always brought them together. Music, singing; a precious gem they all held, one they were born with. Furnoss's eyes grew clouded as he recognized the rhythm.

"That song," he spoke, "you remember it?"

Each beat matched. It was a song the unknown spirit had taught Furnoss when he had been revived. It was the song he sang when Scaratar and Torrt were frightened infants that cried over the dark. Sang to every little monster at least once. Before he forgot the words himself.

"Yeah," Attmoz sighed, "I know it wasn't meant for me, but I heard it almost every night. Sometimes it helped. Sometimes it only hurt more. But hey, that's just music. Makes ya weird in the brain."

Glaishur chuckled.

"Maybe that's what happened to ya!"

"Oh hush up, snow-cone!"

Furnoss joined the group, listening as Attmoz continued. The group of kids grew calm, as did the environment. Everything seemed to line up like a perfect painting. If only moments like this could be experienced for the first time over and over again.

Loodvigg listened from afar. The wind carried their song to the castles room, as quiet as it was. Its claw-like nails scraped against the windows glass. They're starting to hurt. But from what?

[tristayranambrosio]

Expectation - Selfish (DWC Day 6)

I feel the tension every day… Sing the songs… I smile until the pull on my face makes it strained and painful to hold the mask on. Inside I feel my still shattered heart writhe and squeeze with the effort it takes to keep me alive, to keep me going. I am screaming silently and it makes my voice wobble, but I sing anyway… until my lungs rebel and my throat is raw. No one hears me… Tears stream down my face but I smile… I act… I have their expectations… I am their darling happy bard. I could not possibly feel alone when so many want to warm my bed, there is nothing I could want for, it would be selfish of me to have asked for more than what I already have… I weep in between the bars I’ve built for myself on music staff, but nothing sounds right… its all wrong, all I play the strings, the keys, the notes they’re all a discourse and tuneless broken melody that rips my throat like razors on their way out… it hurts… I play until my fingers blister, split then blister again… I want to break down, I want to scream but I remain this prisoner in their Expectations. Selfish… To want the burden lighter, to feel the loss and grieve the death of a home… a world where I did not live alone with the weight of it all. I hold them… I live as their fantasy, their joyful beaming ray of sunshine that has never known the barbs of heartache because his heart is so large it can host each of their sorrows for them, I can carry more still. My body is an escape, I’ve built it that way, made it into a play thing that can operate without my input, and be a well to fill with their pain and their regrets… a means to forget. Its easy for me… moreover it is what they expect. But I’m Selfish. I am a temporary visit, never someone’s destination, when I grow tiresome… when I dare to ask… to beg for understanding, plea for someone to comfort me… I become useless, worthless, my value vanishes like they do given enough time. I let them… I do not fight to keep them… That would be selfish. I’m broken strings… of key scores and shattered symphonies… I am torn up staff and untuned instruments, and yet I try… for them… they need me… don’t they? I ask in vain for a moment which is better, if they knew the torment it was to play their favorite songs and hear only the tattered vestiges of my once talented echoes… or that my efforts remain the selfless ones of a man doomed to face this yawning ache alone. I live each day with broken glass in my throat and golden lute strings cutting dangled lines into my insides. Sing… they expect it. Play… they expect it. Smile… they expect it. Perform… they expect it… Lie. Otherwise… you’re being selfish for wanting to feel. I’ve never blamed them… to expect their kindness and open hands is a foolish selfish thing, I don’t deserve it… The best I can offer is to be their smiling dancing bard… a fantasy that doesn’t hurt that doesn’t stop thinking… that doesn’t feel anything but grateful for their coming to him to idle their sorrows and their burdens away… to assure them they are beautiful, to promise them they are loved. Because it was Selfish of me to hope someone could love the boy behind the bard… selfish of me to need more than the reminder of their need to unburden their hurts by using me. I shake… the smile hurts my jaw I hold it so tightly on my features… and I play a song that sounds like the sleepless nights I live perpetually… and for a moment my guard must have slipped… because I hear him say, ”I prefer the sad songs… you are more honest with them…Real” My mask cracked… but his voice was music… and it carried no expectation.

(I'm not gonna lie. This one was the story I was dreading to write. I very rarely let him have a multifaceted existence, my Happy-go-lucky bard is made to make people feel good, to smile and to enjoy him, to feel BETTER for having interacted with the dope... but you don't come to yearn to bring that out in others without aching for it yourself. When ever he came close for years he was met with these feelings confronted with those who just made things hurt more and worse made him feel selfish for hoping there could be something more than shallow stolen moments for him. Luckily for me, there are those out there that taught him its not selfish to want someone to love him for who he is, at his lowest... and at his highest. After making mistakes... after saying something wrong and atoning or apologizing. Its. Not. Selfish. To want to be loved even when you aren't perfect.) @daily-writing-challenge

[queenie-jinny]

Drarry fic: Our Legacy by QueenieJinny

For @lumosatnight

@microficmay challenge complete! all 31+2 prompts (50 words each) now in order in one big angsty story + all weekly challenges done at least once.

Title: Our legacy

Word count: 1725

Rating: M for sexual themes

Warnings: No archive warnings, dub-con elements/dubious ethics

I absolutely LOVED participating in this challenge and I love how the story ended up knitting together.

All of the prompts were lovely and inspired—same with the challenges (except the E omission challenge-whoever suggested it is a sadist and I'm going to have words with them).

Thank you mods <3 and thank all of you guys for reading and sharing this whole month.

Read on AO3 or under the cut

Fate

First, we met by coincidence.

Robes too big, a scrawny child, the other drawn to him instantly.

We loved to hate.

Later, we met by design.

Falling into bed, it was easy, we were always meant to be.

Whether by coincidence or by design.

Some may even call it fate.

Stutter

You asked me out since I was too scared.

I said “Yes,” without thinking.

I stuttered like a fool through our first date.

I felt giddy and nervous like a silly teenager.

I couldn’t believe it was coming to pass.

You kissed me at the end of the night. Breathless.

Synergy

I remember our first time like it was our last.

My thigh muscles ripple in synergy with your abdominals, they swell and contract, all at the service of you.

To lift you up and bring you down on me, while your head tips back and the moon becomes your halo.

Climax

We bring each other closer to the edge.

You push me off—I go willingly.

Your hands laced with mine, I drag you over the cliff alongside me.

Your climax becomes mine; our racing hearts beat to the rhythm of war drums.

Except we are no longer sworn enemies. Inevitable.

Yearn (Sensory challenge, smell, touch, hearing, taste, sight)

Since you’ve been gone, there isn’t a day I don’t yearn for.

The smell of your hair on my pillow: sweet pie filling.

Touch: silky.

Seeing you wake up next to me. Expression: unguarded.

It lasts a second. You turn.

Stolen kisses before you go. Taste: bitter.

Except: sound: goodbye.

Brumal

On a brumal December day, a week before Christmas,

I woke up freezing, goosebumps on flesh.

Your side was cold. It had been for a while.

I scoured the frost-encrusted landscape, calling your name.

You had been gloomy, weeks three, I feared the worst.

When I came back, I noticed.

Here & There

I always thought, you were a neat person, and I was a slob.

Until I started finding your things scattered here and there, all over our apartment.

—My apartment, I have to keep reminding myself. You never considered it yours.

You gathered your things while I slept. Now it’s tidy.

Ambient (Sensory challenge, touch)

Three things you left behind.

One: a potion in the ice box.

Ruby red, unmarked, save for a half-torn label you clawed at.

The remaining half reads:

“To be stored at below ambient temperature.”

I trace your elegant handwriting with my fingers.

A tear traces a path down my cheek.

Sweet and Sour (Haiku challenge)

When gazing at you,

sweet expression, openness,

souring instantly

You were loving it.

Looking in his direction,

making me jealous.

Sweet lips yet sour taste.

Flooding my mouth, drowning, since

you left me behind.

Did you go to him?

Or are you coming back still?

To mend what you broke.

Shatter (Sensory challenge, touch)

Three things you left behind.

Two: a broken blown glass dragon

It fell onto the floor and shattered; I’m guessing.

While you were creeping around, preparing to leave me.

I repaired it easily, now it sleeps on your side.

I caress it, morning, afternoon, and the middle of the night.

Drift (E omission challenge)

My thoughts drift on that look you had, as I said it.

I put it all into words. You didn’t.

But I sang it always, two words, yours. Smiling, kissing, talking.

Loving you.

Words you couldn’t—wouldn’t say. Up until that day you quit. Us.

Was I truly so blind?

Schedule

Three things you left behind.

Three: Your agenda with your yearly schedule, plans penned neatly in your beautiful calligraphic lettering.

Then angry red ink crossing out months and months of planning.

Where did you go? What did I do?

There are no answers in your writing.

Red ink bleeding through.

Sharp

I was not the only secret you were keeping.

“What are you hiding?”

Our words were sharp, cutting.

I stayed wide-awake; the clock chimed times three.

You went once, came back.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“I’m sorry too, don’t leave me again please.”

You went twice, still waiting.

Wait

Into the darkness, I wait; At first light, I still wait.

You don’t come back. Sleep does. Eventually

“Where did you go,” I ask the dark.

“I’ll be late. I have to see Mother. Don’t wait up,” a voice echoes inside my head.

I trusted you. I should have waited.

Dishevel

Three things you took of mine when you went away.

1. Shirt. Size: Large. Color/Pattern: Obnoxious Orange (Cannons). Condition: Disheveled.

2. Photograph. Size: Regular. Color/Pattern: Black and white (Portrait of me). Condition: Well-loved, unframed.

3. Heart. Size: Too Big (your words). Color/Pattern: Red—now it’s blue (faded). Condition: In pieces.

Scintillating

At first I fell in love with your shapes, your scintillating wit.

And later you showed me how brightly you shined—even in the darkness.

My darkest nights, you were my light.

I pull one of the last happy memories, slowly turning blue.

When they run out, I shall repeat.

Silver and Gold (Haiku challenge)

Teasing “Golden boy,”

silver hair on my pillow.

You, my whole wide world.

Gold thread, red sweater

Silver thread on green sweater

Lion and the snake.

A ring of silver,

a ring of gold in a box,

never to be yours.

Golden light dawning,

silver memories floating.

Gone, not forgotten.

Moon and Stars

Now it’s getting harder to tell dream from reality,

memories past from memories manufactured.

Gone are the stags and the does.

Gone are the moon and the stars from the sky.

The only light in my darkness is the silver you shine.

Hello baby dragon. Will you be my family?

Blossom (Adverb challenge)

Two budding shrubs, a meadow.

You and me, we blossomed.

Spring, Holly and Hawthorn.

Spiky evergreen leaves, pastel white flowers.

My jokes, your laughter, my clothes, your scent.

Winter. The season of the red dress.

You left, I bled.

Seasons come; seasons go.

Holly won’t flower this or any spring.

Over & Under

The last time went a little bit differently.

I hovered over you. You shivered under me.

You invited me in, warm, open, and always willing. Too willing.

After that time you stopped wanting me. Just like that, it was over.

Then you left, under cover of darkness, like a thief.

Languid

I remember the day before.

You stayed in bed, languid and weak.

You’d been sick for a few days; your mood was even worse.

I stayed home from work, made you sure had everything you needed.

In return you took my heart and ran.

I guess you’re all better now.

Cycle (Mega challenge: ‘Say’ Challenge, 'The’ Challenge, Flash Poetry Challenge-kinda)

I pull out another memory strand, pour it in, fall in.

Hours tick away, and night is checking in.

A cycle that always repeats.

Again. I’m swimming in dark streams.

You’re back! If only in my dreams…

September dawns then one day I hear three beats.

Has death finally come?

Praise

Here you stand, barely two steps ahead of me. One threshold only separates us this time.

I take the step.

Into the earth I sink. Down, down on my knees.

A man without faith.

Yet all I can do is praise, praise whatever deity has brought you back to me.

Tangible

Eight months. And one day.

Eight months of sorrow and darkness.

Eight months without a word.

Yet here you stand, and I’m afraid this is another of my hallucinations.

I lift a hand to touch you, feel you, make sure you’re real.

Solid. Tangible. Real.

“You came back,” I exhale.

Same & Different

You are the same, in all the ways that matter.

Same hidden sadness behind stormy grey eyes, always ready to flash and thunderclap.

Yet you are different, in ways that matter more.

Storm brought into the surface, an endless rain, and the little light of your lighting is now gone.

Hoodwink

Are my senses lying to me?

“But—you’re—"

“Pregnant. It’s yours. In case you were wondering.”

“How?”

Realization dawns. “Your potion.”

“I had been taking it for a while. I was planning to hoodwink you. To trap you into this relationship, so that you would never leave. I’m sorry.”

Revelation

The revelation shocks me to my very core.

“Then why did you leave?”

His eyes are downcast, he doesn’t answer me.

“How could you do this to me?” I accuse him. “You knew how I felt about you.”

“I regretted what I did. I didn’t want to burden you with…us.”

Hubris

“Do you regret…it?”

“I only came to explain. You don’t own me—us anything. This is my hubris, my arrogance. I trapped myself with it, I am not going to trap you too.”

“That’s not what I asked. I asked if you regret it.”

“No. It’s yours. How could I?”

Oscillate

“I want you, and our baby. I’ve always wanted a family.”

I see the emotions in his eyes oscillate between fear and hope.

“But not with me. You were going to leave me. I saw the job offer.”

“I was never going to take it. Look where I am, Draco…”

Better & Worse

“I’ve been waiting for you all this time.”

“I don’t know how long it will last.”

“Forever. For better, for worse, till death do us part.”

A spark of hope flickers behind cloudy grey eyes.

“I’m already on my knees, let’s make it official. Draco Malfoy, will you marry me?”

Translucent

Doubt. He hesitates still.

“Accio rings. Look, I bought them months before you left. I have the receipts.”

“You’re doing this because it’s the right thing to do.”

“No. Expecto Patronum.”

The translucent silver baby dragon jumps out of my wand and flies over his head.

“Oh. You love me.”

Downpour

He arrives on an overcast September day along with a sudden downpour.

His loud cries fill the room, strong lungs like yours, fine silver hair, grey eyes opening for the very first time as we hold him between us.

“They will turn green,” you say.

I hope they stay grey.

Legacy

I swaddle him in expensive muslin.

“Careful,” you warn, “we shouldn’t spoil him too much with stuff—you know what happens if we do.”

I look at you, my husband, my family. “I know all too well.”

I look back at our bundle of joy.

This is it. Our legacy.

[celestiall0tus]

So now that we've seen chapters from all of your main aus, which one has been the most fun to work on?

Oh. Oh, that's a tough one. Let's start from the top.

Miraculous AU was a lot of fun to write at the time, but did lose momentum after I hit the gala chapters and am stumbling a little bit. I have made small steps to getting more of it done, but won't deny it's taken some dark turns that honestly worry me that I may have gone a touch too far and have to remind myself what type of content that I write. Aside from that hiccup, I have greatly enjoyed writing it as it was the first and where a lot of things were ironed out, saw what worked, and more. However, I have stumbled and it will be a long while before I come to turns to what it will become and will enjoy writing it again.

Absolution was technically second, but obviously others have been released since I decided to scrap the initial. The first draft was nice and all, but it didn't feel like what I wanted. It had the enemies to lovers, which was what was originally planned, but it didn't hit that itch that it was missing. Obviously after rewriting and hitting that dreadfully macabre itch do I see what was missing. So, on one hand, I do enjoy writing it, but I really have to be in a certain mood to write it given the absolutely horrific nature and genre it falls into. When I'm in that mood, it's great. When I'm not, eh.

Paradise has been through hell and high water, scrapped and redone, to just now getting some traction in the writing department. As of right now, I have no strong opinions of how I feel since I hadn't hit that hurdle of ten chapters. Once I get to that, maybe I'll have more to say.

Salvation is... something else entirely. I do enjoy writing it, but have issues shouldering the fear of it becoming another Miraculous AU, which, I know it will. And I mean this in the sense of how long it will be given the sheer number of characters that I am focusing on. Since, while Luka and Kagami were once the main focuses, more have joined into the focus. So, it's fun for just being so different from the others with its system, the characters themselves, and how they react to the environment.

All That Remained is something that exists on its own. I do enjoy writing it as it is quick and easy, but can be a little difficult to keep my head on straight with people occasionally popping up and calling me a basher or reenforcing the salt. I do manage to block them out when I remember that I make this with a purpose. However, we'll see how that changes with two specific works: Lady and the Scoundrel, and Into the Fire. Those will be what really helps me see if I enjoy writing this set of works.

So, in terms of which I enjoy to write, that falls to my mood. If I'm in a wild, crazy type mood, then I would go Salvation and Miraculous AU once I have the momentum for that again. If I'm feeling particularly dark or macabre, definitely Absolution. All That Remained and Paradise remain in the nebulous void until I pinpoint what mood sparks that enjoyment and muse.

[spirallingintothevoid71]

I'd been at the pub for quite awhile. Probably longer than I should have been. But I was away from home. I was tired. I was lonely. And it had been a very, very long week.

I was sitting at the end of the bar, slowly working my way through a bottle of Scotch that I probably couldn't afford. There was an empty barstool next to me. Likely because of the cigar I was also enjoying. I didn't mind. It meant I could occasionally jump into conversations further down the bar, without having to become invested.

She slid onto the empty barstool. I never saw her enter the bar. Never saw her walk up to the bar. It seemed as though one minute the space had been empty, and then she was just there.

I wanted to be annoyed that she was breaking my tranquility, but couldn't quite manage it. She smiled politely at me, then proceeded to order the same Scotch I was drinking. Neat, just like mine. I smiled, in spite of myself.

We started talking. The conversation flowed smoothly from one topic to another. It was almost easy to forget just how beautiful she was.

How her cleavage seemed to dip into her top when she moved.

How her exposed midriff seemed perfectly taut no matter how she sat.

How her legs seemed to go on forever, her calves perfectly molded.

How the glint of her sandal heels caught the eye, focusing attention on her beautiful feet.

And her eyes... they were... bright. And still had a depth to them that seemed to draw me in.

I had to remind myself more than once to look away occasionally.

Late into the evening, we had moved to a table in the corner, away from the dwindling patrons. She asked me if I wanted to play a game with her. When I agreed, she asked me to look into her eyes.

She told me if I could stare into her eyes without looking away for at least 5 full minutes without speaking, while she spoke to me, she would pay my bar tab. And there was no penalty for failing. Considering my tab, I took the bet.

She looked into my eyes and started speaking.

----------------

Focus. Focus on my voice.

Focus on my words while you look into my eyes.

Listen. Listen to my voice.

Let my voice fill your mind while you look into my eyes.

Your instinct is to look away.

But you won't

The longer you stare into my eyes, the harder it is to look away.

You feel my eyes on yours. Filling your vision.

You feel my words, wrapping around your mind, filling your thoughts.

Focus. Until nothing else exists.

Focus. Until all you see is me.

Focus. Until all you hear is me.

Focus. Until nothing else matters.

You can no longer look away.

You no longer want to look away.

You are falling into my eyes.

You are falling into me.

Focus. On my eyes.

Focus. On my voice

Focus. On my words.

It feels so good to focus on me.

To listen to me.

To let your thoughts drift away.

To let my thoughts replace yours.

You want to keep listening.

Need to keep listening.

My eyes control you.

My voice controls you.

My words control you.

Focus. On my eyes.

Focus. On my voice.

Focus. On my words.

You love that word now.

Focus.

It makes you feel good to hear it.

Focus.

It makes you feel weak to hear it.

Focus.

It makes you feel obedient to hear it.

Focus...

----------------

I'm not sure how long she went on, the words blurring into each other. I lost track of time, of thought.

When I realized she'd stopped speaking, the bartender was calling last call.

I realized I was aroused. Very aroused. Mildly embarrassed, hoping she hadn't noticed, I excused myself to use the restroom. She smiled and said she'd pay my tab since I'd done so well. I'm not sure why, but it made me feel immense pride to hear her say I had done well.

I had to use a stall in the men's room. I was much too aroused to be seen. When I finally stepped out, she was standing there. I didn't know what to say.

She smiled at me.

Her eyea were glowing.

They filled my vision.

I couldn't see anything else.

She smiled wider, and said one word...

"Focus"

I felt my arousal grow.

My mind grow blank, obedient.

She took my hand and led me from the bar.

"You're going to do so well for me," she said, as she guided me into her car. "You have such perfect..."

"Focus"

[icedteainawhiskeyglass]

Do You Miss the Sunrise?

A vampire love story. Or something.

"Do you miss the sunrise?" I whisper, solemn.

She seems to think for a moment. Looking into my eyes the whole time. Searching for something. 

"I do." She finally replies. Closing her eyes briefly then looking back up. 

The light from the moon outside reflects off of them. Turning them a brilliant yellow for only a moment. 

She takes a step closer, pushing me further against the wall. She takes a firm grasp on my chin and pushes my face to the side, giving her access to my pulse. 

With her other hand she brushes my hair away. 

She leans in and presses her lips against my throat reverently. She takes a deep inhale. Breathing me in. 

I surrender in her grip. Tight though it may be. It is still tender. 

Her mouth opens, as if she is contemplating words. She doesn't seem to find any and decides instead to press her open mouth to my throat once again. This time licking a strip from my collarbone up just behind my right ear. 

I can't help the small whimper that escapes my lips. She hums in response. 

She kisses me once more before she finally gives in and bites. Right at the junction of my shoulder, I moan from the sudden sting. I can feel the warm red dribbling down my chest. Caressing my breast and eventually finding itself stopping right above my navel. 

My hands. Which up until this point have been obediently at my sides. Twitch to grab at my assailant's waist. 

There they met bare skin, I had known she was naked. But feeling it was entirely different. 

More still. She doesn't stop me when I grow bolder and wrap around her middle. 

She lets go of my chin and her hand moves lower. Tracing the errant blood drop with a sharp nail. 

Just as the world begins to blur at the edges she stops. Pulling away with a small sound of approval. She licks away the excess blood and kisses the wound one last time. 

"Sometimes you make it easy to forget what the sunrise felt like." She says to me in a low voice. A rumble in her throat that sends shivers down my spine. 

My arms still wrapped around her in a loose embrace. I pull myself closer and my head lies to rest on her shoulder. She brushes my hair from my face once again and kisses the top of my head briefly. 

She picks me up easily. A small taste of the supernatural strength hidden beneath her soft curves. 

After laying me down in her grand king size bed, I start to drift off. 

"Ah ah ah…" She smiles "not yet darling. I'm just getting started."

I fight the temptation to sleep, slowly becoming more and more alert the lower her hands wander. 

Finally they settle on my hips. She straddles my thighs with hers. Her fingertips dancing over the most sensitive areas of my stomach. Then lower. 

She leans down to whisper in my ear. "Are you alright dearest?"

I nod weakly.

"I asked if you were alright." She reiterates.

"Yes Alleah." I come to my senses and respond. 

She smiles and continues. 

"Are you still interested in tonight's outcome?"

The outcome… We had discussed it before. Numerous times. An exhausting amount honestly. 

Still she continued to ask, to check in. 

"Of course." I say quietly. 

Tonight was only the natural culmination of this relationship. 

I turn the gilded ring on my finger. A constant physical reminder of the commitment we have made to each other. 

Soon to gain another reminder, I nod once again. 

"Please, Alleah. Keep going."

If we stop now she will lose her nerve. 

She continues caressing my thighs and hips, Growing increasingly impatient and anxious. I wiggle a little in encouragement. She drags a sharp nail along my inner thigh.

A shockwave of pleasure ripples up my spine. 

"A-Alleah." I scold. She is still teasing. 

She manages a laugh.

"I apologize. I am anxious."

By the time she finally reaches the point she was attempting, she has stopped. I wait, doing my best to be patient. 

Patience is a virtue, after all. One I rarely practice.

When she kisses my thigh, it has been just long enough that it is a surprise. 

My body jerks involuntarily, a moan of absolute pleasure rips its way out of my throat immediately after. 

“Now, darling” there is a bit of a wobble to her voice. “Are you certain?” she says now leaning over my chest, pushing her nose under my chin, pressing a soft kiss on my collar bone.

My hands move from where they had been gripping the sheets by my side to instead take hold of the backs of Alleahs thighs. 

“Of course. My love”

It isn't until she leans down to kiss me that I realize she's crying. 

She takes my mouth before I can ask her what the matter is. I resign myself to wiping the tears from her face and reciprocating the kiss. 

Closing my eyes, I realize, I know why she is crying. 

She pulls back to look in my eyes.

“My love.” I say, attempting to comfort her. “There is no need to cry. I will always be here for you.”

“I know.” she chokes out. 

“It's not a tragedy.” 

“I… I know.”

“I know you'll take care of me. I trust you.”

“I know.” her voice is growing near a whisper.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

She moves back down my body, scattering kisses across my abdomen and thighs. She slowly spreads my legs again. This time when she leans down. She presses a chaste kiss to my pulse point. 

Then she bites me again. This time pulling directly from my femoral artery. Pain shoots up my spine and it takes everything I have to keep from shouting. And kicking. And screaming. 

I can feel the wetness of more tears against my thigh. I try to call out to her, to comfort her,  but the room is already fading. 

The last thing I feel is sharp pin pricks of her nails against my knee. And then, nothing.

When I wake. Early morning sunlight is pouring in through the windows. Alleah is nowhere to be seen. 

It takes a few moments to adjust to the sights and sounds of the room. My eyes prickle at the light, and my ears twitch at the birds outside the window. 

“Alleah!” i call out. Struggling to sit up, I take notice of the great and abundant hunger pains that plague me. 

“Alleah!” I tumble out of bed and wrestle with a silk robe hanging on the bathroom door. Eventually getting it on and throwing the door open. 

“Alleah!” I do my best to quickly make my way downstairs. Though I have to stop once or twice to catch my balance. 

“Alleah!” i call out one more time. 

“Noel!” I hear from the distant observatory. Followed by hurried footsteps. A mixture of my own and hers.

We meet in one of the long corridors lining Alleahs house. 

“You're okay…” Alleah looks me up and down. Frantically searching for injury or blood or something.

“You didn't wake up.” she sobs. Pulling me in close and burying her head in my chest. 

“You didn't wake up when you were supposed to.” she continues to cry. “I thought it didn't work. I thought I killed you.”

“I'm here.” I say with confidence, despite my breaking voice. “I'm here.” just now feeling the fangs scraping against my tongue. 

“You're here.” she shakes her head.

I'm here…

[lone-rhapsodist]

When I was younger I used to write these weird dialogues in which I was just talking to myself. I found it very helpful to explore my thoughts and get things out. The other night I spent about an hour writing about how I don't feel like doing anything at the moment, even though there's work to do and little time to do it. It ended up becoming a dialogue with myself about my dad. I think I'm still distressed about it and it's affecting everything else. It's understandable, but my tendency not to be very kind to myself has made things more difficult. So I've tried to help myself to break it down in order to gain some perspective and feel a bit better. I didn't know whether to post the dialogue as it's a bit personal, but I thought it might be fine if I just put it under a 'Keep reading' and provided some context, like I've just done above. So, there you have it. I hope it's okay. Thank you for your support.

ME: Where am I?

EGO: I think you know where you are.

M: Who are you?

E: I think you know who I am too.

M: Wait… It can't be…

E: That's right. I'm you.

M: Oh, not this again.

E: So you DO know where you are.

M: I haven't been here in a long time. At least six years.

E: It's longer than that, you know it.

M: You're right. I can't even remember the last time.

E: Neither can I. But I'm sure that it was about as pitiable as this one is going to be.

M: Wow, you're a real jerk. …You haven't changed one bit.

E: What can I say… True to myself.

M: At least one of us has to be.

E: So, what's the news?

M: I'm depressed?

E: I said, what's the news?

M: Fuck you.

E: Now I recognise you too.

M: There's no reason to mince my words.

E: You tell me. Earlier you called me a jerk, when you fully meant asshole.

M: You're right.

E: Just be honest going forward, okay? You know it's the best policy.

M: Not always…

E: It is the best policy with me.

M: Alright.

E: So, let's be real. What's up?

M: Someone… Someone is dying.

E: We're all dying.

M: Mate.

E: Alright, alright. Who's dying?

M: My father.

E: Oh. Oh, that's really bad.

M: I know.

E: I'm sorry to hear it.

M: I'm sorry too.

E: …do you want to talk about it?

M: No. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to live with it.

E: Eh. It's not easy, is it?

M: It's really not. I don't want to do anything. I don't feel like doing anything. I don't understand.

E: What's there to understand? You've only just heard about this. You're shocked. It's pretty understandable.

M: I've been knowing for months.

E: And it's been sucking for months. It's normal. You can't expect to be normal about it.

M: I guess. It reminds of when M died, and for weeks I didn't feel right. Or when I went back to visit B, and for a couple of months everything felt off. There is something awful about death. Even when it's not there. It looms. It haunts. Like a scent in the air, it stays there, and it doesn't go.

E: It most certainly does not. That's why you're right to say it, that you want to live with it. But you can't 'just' live with it. You've got to let it sink in first.

M: Sink in?

E: Yeah. Your father's dying. Let that sink in. You don't know when it will happen, or where, or how. Let that sink in. You don't even know if you'll be there when it happens. Let that sink in. It's an awful feeling, I know. But you have to come to terms with it. The sooner, the better. It's the only way to keep on living.

M: I… I don't know if I can do it. Like, all that. Let it sink in. Accept it. Keep going.

E: You will. Give it time. Give yourself time. Again, you've only just realised properly. You have, without realising, already started accepting it. Because now you are taking it seriously. Now you are believing it's real. Now you're letting that into your life, and contemplating it, and wondering, how will I manage? Guess what, you already are managing it. Because you are able to talk about it. Just, not able to do anything about it. Not yet. Not until some time has passed. It's just how it works.

M: Does it stop sucking?

E: It doesn't. But you get used to the taste. Salty, like tears. Bitter, like lemons. Ephemeral, like life. You know, the usual.

M: The usual…

E: We all know it's going to happen, don't we? One day, we will die. It's hard to accept, but it's a fact, and facts are hard to accept when you don't want to hear them. Like when your father told you that you're too curved with your shoulders. You didn't want to hear it. And it was kind of a shitty thing to say. Especially as it was your birthday. But it's a fact. And sometimes, facts suck. Like life.

M: It was SUCH a shitty thing to say. I still don't get why he thought it was appropriate.

E: Because he's a doctor. It's what he does.

M: It's what he USED to do. He's retired. And he's fucking dying. Why does he care about my shoulders when he's FUCKING dying?

E: Because he's still a doctor, and he's still your father, and before he dies, he would care that his son is healthy enough to be able to stand up straight and not be a hunchback like fucking Quasimodo. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But it's not the best, especially when you can do something about it. I mean, he can't do anything about the fact he's dying. But you can do something about your shoulders. Besides, it's probably a good distraction from what he's going through, to think about his son rather than himself, to put your health first even before his own. Need I go on?

M: …I'm so fucking mad that you made so many fucking good points in such quick-fire fucking succession.

E: Hey, give yourself some credit too! Remember, I'm you.

M: The worst of me.

E: It's a matter of perspective, really.

M: I just… I can't be what he wants me to be. I can't do it.

E: Okay, first of all, it's not what HE wants you to be. It's what makes sense. Again, facts. You've got curved shoulders, just go and fix it. Secondly, you CAN do it. You just need to do it your own way. Remember, when people say things to you, those things don't tie you down. You listen, you take them in, then you decide what to do about them. In this case, the thing is a fact, and you can't argue with that. So you've got to take it seriously. However, how you go on about it is still up to you. He's recommended some exercises? Okay, you'll look into it. In the meantime, you already had some things you were doing. Don't throw them away just because he recommended something else. You can get to that later. Do what you already know that works now, and try the other thing later. You have time. Take your time.

M: But in the grand scheme of things…

E: Yes, curved shoulders don't really matter. But they kind of do. Especially into old age. So, do kind of care about it. Just, not as much as your father claims that you should. But still, do.

M: I… Alright. I kind of forgot why I was talking about that.

E: You tell me.

M: I guess… Perspective. He's got his. I've got mine.

E: He's got facts too.

M: Yes… Facts. There's perspective, and there's facts.

E: More like, facts and perspective. In that order.

M: Alright.

E: Sorry. Need to be precise.

M: And a pain in the ass, apparently.

E: It comes with being precise.

M: Anyway. Facts and perspective. Got it.

E: Yes. Like… facts: your father is dying. And… perspective: can you do anything about it? Perhaps not about it per se. Like, you can't change the fact he's dying. But you can decide how to go on about it? That's about it.

M: But in that 'it', there's a lot.

E: Yes, there is. But don't lose yourself in it. You've got to give it time. And give yourself some rest. It's 3AM. You have to sleep.

M: Yes, I do. Still, this helped. Thanks.

E: No worries. That'll be £49.

M: Asshole.

E: You're welcome.