#I'm not happy with it but I'm throwing it up so I can get roadtrip done and then get back to Winter Shenanigans

[iamthecomet]

Hi Comet! Here's another headcanon question. The whole band share one tourbus because I say so.

Who is the main person responsible for the roadtrip playlists? Which ghoul is banned from adding songs to the queue and why is it Rain for adding "What's New Pussycat?" 25 times in a row? Is there a song that everyone sings along to? Any songs added ironically to a playlist that the band members end up liking un-ironically by the end of the tour?

-Ghoulette Anon

HI! Road trip music headcanons under the cut because I'm insane and I had thoughts.

Cirrus is the head playlist maker. She is almost too organized, and this leads to being very good at putting together very curated playlists. They tend to be a little predictable sometimes, but there are certain days when that's exactly what they all need. Her playlists are best for quiet off days when everyone is tired, or long night drives. Swiss is the other trusted playlist maker. He is less curated, a little more random. But is good at picking songs that everyone likes. His goal with all of his playlists is to keep the mood up. He wants to hype everyone up, keep everyone happy. His playlists are great for sing-a-longs on long travel days. Sunshine was banned from having her playlists played on the bus when it became clear that 60% of them were comedy bands, or weird mixes of songs together (think Neil Cicierega) and while sometimes that's a great vibe at the Abbey, it's a little grating on tour. Rain is absolutely banned from adding songs to the queue. He is not allowed to be in control of the music at all. He's too unhinged, and known for, yes, playing the same song on repeat. He also has no sense of what songs should come after what. He thinks it's perfectly acceptable to put Cattle Decapitation on directly after The Spice Girls. He doesn't understand what everyone's problem is. Mountain is only allowed to play music late at night. He has a penchant for classical and folk songs and singer-songwriter stuff. everyone else is fine with that, but not when they're trying to get hyped up for a show. There are only so many sea shanties they can all take before someone is throwing something at Mountain and physically wrestling control of the music away from him. Aether's the classic rock guy. Loves his 70s and 80s rock. Especially punk. He is allowed to have control of the music during long days, but only until he starts playing the obscure stuff. Everyone is on board when he's playing The Clash and Black Sabbath and Van Halen, but as soon as he starts breaking out some punk band from London that only ever played one show he's cut off. Cumulus plays a lot of shoegaze. indie. early emo (Cursive is one of her favorites). She likes her music a little dreamy a little moody. Also a great choice for when they're driving through the night. But like Aether, when things start to get too obscure and weird someone has to cut her off. Dew is, weirdly, the best at manning the queue. When they've gotten sick of the playlists and everyone else has exhausted their permissions Dew is really good at finding the vibe and working with it. He knows a lot of music. And, while, if you caught him listening to k-pop back at the Abbey he would deny it until his last breath, he doesn't have shame about playing his guilty pleasure music for the rest of the band as long as it helps keep the peace. If asked about it, he'll say he knows it for this specific reason. No no, he's not mouthing the words, you're insane. Copia is really into early rock. Buddy Holly. The Beach Boys. The Monkees, all of that kind of stuff. He is also, inexplicably VERY into disco. If they don't listen to Abba's entire discography at least once during the tour he gets sad. Guaranteed full party sing-a-long songs? - I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys - Take On Me - A Ha -Dancing Queen - Abba -Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen -Literally anything by Lady Gaga. I think there are A LOT of songs that get played while they're queuing music that get a lot of eye rolls at first or are played for the laugh, that they end up falling in love with by the end of the tour. Something about singing a song with people you love can make even the most cringe songs loveable. I also think that some of Sunshine's "weird joke" songs start to grow on them (turns out everyone loves Ninja Sex Party by the end of the tour).

[allylikethecat]

More on the carsickness haha bc it’s such a sweet and like niche hc but also like makes so much sense ?? Also because I’m obsessed w atkh at the moment just like probably everyone else who ever stepped foot into ur tumblr page lol. How do you reckon fictional George ends up finding out about it? Bc obviously this fictional Matty is less of a complainer and more likely to like pretend everything is fine ig? I guess it’s just one of those things that he’d notice when they spend more time together?

ALSO. Since I’m here, and you said send asks so you can’t stop me ;)

I have been slacking on my atkh chapter comments and I realised I was sooo taking them for granted SO

Starting from the chapter where he breaks down at fictional! George’s, OH MY GOD ????? Written to perfection and I cried. I feel like it’s just such a good way for it to all happen but also so devastating?! And they fact that he’s finally realising that he was soo wrong about everything So then I’m super glad that they got some time to like- be happy- even if you’re going to crush that for a bit..

And then the chapter w charli and everything was so sweet. Fictional Carly is really just another mini protector

The SLEEPOVER ???? Was definitely NOT too self indulgent from you I ate it up oh my god.

And then the date oml. I love anything w the horses in tbh it all seems so personal and real. And the blushing oml so sweet.

Hope your team win the hockey game ? If that’s still going?

I am going to start off by apologizing for how long this response is I got very excited about your WONDERFUL ask...

IDK maybe I'm just projecting but like Matty, fictional and IRL just gives me "gets carsick vibes" so like he will be getting carsick in all of my fics lol Also thank you SO MUCH for being obsessed with ATKH because I am also very obsessed with ATKH and I am just so excited and so grateful that people are enjoying it and will to chat with me about it because that is what I want to be doing at all times lol I don't know if Fictional!George is ever explicitly going to find out - but if he does its probably going to be in the sense that they're going somewhere that's further away, Fictional!George is driving as always, and it starts out fine, but maybe they hit some stop and go traffic, and it's just taking forever and Fictional!Matty has gotten quieter and quieter, and he's got his forehead pressed against the window and his eyes squeezed shut and he is breathing really heavily and Fictional!George is like what's wrong you're really pale and Fictional!Matty is just like "I need you to pull over as soon as you can because I am going to throw up" and Fictional!George is like 😮 what shit and is scrambling to try and pull over and is just like in awe of how calm Fictional!Matty is about the entire thing and is like why didn't you say anything! But Fictional!Matty is just like I get carsick it's fine and Fictional!George is like THIS iS NOT FINE HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS and next time they go on a roadtrip he's got like water and ginger ale for him and like anti-nausea lollipops and is READY.

No part of me wants to stop you keep the asks coming this is absolute AMAZING and thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read All the King's Horses I'm just so extremely grateful for everyone who has given it a chance and who has taken the time to chat with me!!

AHHH I'm so happy that you liked the chapter where they really ~talked~ about Fictional!Matty's history, that was one of the very first chapters I saw like fully formed in my mind when I started outlining this fic! It had moments where it was hard to write, but looking back I am happy with how it came out! Fictional!George is very obsessed with Fictional!Matty and that line between love and hate when it comes to obsession is very thin... but yes! They are going to be happy for a little bit 👀

I LOVE Fictional!Charli SO MUCH she is the MVP and the voice of reason in this fic and Fictional!Carly is a compilation of all the fabulous wealthy women who ride at my barn and have adopted me as their like bonus adult child I love them all so much and am so grateful to them and have had so much fun turning them into Fictional!Carly

HEHE I was so excited about the only one bed thing, that is like one of my FAVORITE things and I was so happy and excited to like full send it lol

YAY! I'm so happy that you enjoyed the date chapter! That was another one that was very self indulgent because I NEEDED to get Pop in there - I had to make some major edits to that chapter because I had accidentally made Pop the main character haha he might be the main character in my life but I was like this fic is about Fictional!Matty and Fictional!George not you Pop lol He retaliated IRL today by getting his third eyelid stuck over his eyeball and absolutely freaking me out because he can never NOT be the center of attention lol I was also really amused by how much Fictional!Matty was blushing - part of me worried it was too much but I was also like this fictional man has hardly had anyone do anything truly nice for him just because, ever, in his life, so he is going to be so anxious and embarrassed about it the entire time.

LITERALLY AS I WAS ABOUT TO START TYPING THAT IT WAS IN OVER TIME AND I WAS HORRIBLY STRESSED MY BOYS DID IT MY FAVORITE PLAYER DAVID PASTRNAK FUCKING SCORED IN OVER TIME HE WON THE GAME FOR US WE ARE GOING TO ROUND TWO OF THE STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS I CANNOT RIGHT NOW OMG LETS GO MY FAVORITE LIL NOODLE!!!!!

❤️❤️❤️ALLY

[incandescent-creativity]

ELIZABETH I have to ask you something for shits n giggles!!

Okay okay okay... okay.

If you were to take any 2-3 characters from across ALL of your WIPs and turn them all into partners, who would you pick?

If you were to take any 3-5 characters and make them into one big happy found family - they don't have to be from the same WIP - who would you pick and why?

Who do you think would be rivals?

Who do you think would be enemies?

Who do you think would pretend to hate each other but would secretly meet up and be besties when no one's watching?

Who do you think would rip each other to pieces if they were stuck together in a roadtrip?

Who do you think would be super flirty with each other but have literally ZERO interest in each other?

And finally, who do you think would have that hero/villain complex?

Thanks ahead of time! Ciao

If you were to take any 2-3 characters from across ALL of your WIPs and turn them all into partners, who would you pick?

Well, Ashlyn is one of our resident bisexuals, and I think she deserves a girlfriend AND a boyfriend. She would keep her relationship with Willow, but I think Hans would fit well with them, too.

If you were to take any 3-5 characters and make them into one big happy found family - they don't have to be from the same WIP - who would you pick and why?

Somehow I've never considered the concept of every OC I have living in one place, like a college dorm room where everybody can be in the same space. That's wildly entertaining, so I'll be going with that for the rest of the questions.

I don't think it would be one big happy found family, but it would have a bunch of interesting dynamics!

Who do you think would be rivals?

I want Dr. Agau and the head of the Auxiliaries, Director Rush, would go head to head. Two powerful women, with their own organizational systems, and ways of dealing with people? It would go nuclear within a week.

Who do you think would be enemies?

Okay I'm a little fuzzy on the distinction between rivals and enemies. I suppose the two women would find a way to get along eventually, for the sake of the household or whatever.

But Maluka has a real problem with authority, and I think the only thing stopping her from getting into swearing matches with Agau would be Olufemi.

Who do you think would pretend to hate each other but would secretly meet up and be besties when no one's watching?

I think Maluka and Ash would both want to maintain their brooding confident "nothing affects me" cool-girl image, but then would bond over leather jackets and how fucked the world is.

Who do you think would rip each other to pieces if they were stuck together in a roadtrip?

This reminded me of an old ask about how the SOLE Gang would function on a road trip.

Beth's control issues would get her snapping pretty quickly.

Who do you think would be super flirty with each other but have literally ZERO interest in each other?

Maluka is my number one flirting character, and she'd probably just aim it at everybody else. The only one who really throws it back at her is Zach.

And finally, who do you think would have that hero/villain complex?

Ash is halfway to a hero complex already, and Dr. Agau definitely already has a "succeeding by any method" mentality that I understand is the general definition of a villain complex.

[borathae]

Right. Ma'am. How dare you mess with my heart like this!

Everything felt so real. Such a natural pick-up from where SA left off that it was easy to fall into the flow of the story.

OC and Yoongles are so cute that I simultaneously uwu and throw up in my mouth at the same time because I'm a bitter singleton and I want what they have.

I love that you seem to be expressing grief for what really it is and it's refreshing to go on that journey with the characters rather than have them miraculously bounce back. I'm curious to see just how much Taehyung and OC's relationship will have changed in the aftermath of SA.

Considering at the start of SA it seemed that Taehyung would be the "lead romantic interest" (for lack of better phrasing) it's been really interesting to see just how head over heels OC is for Yoongi and following their journey has been amazing. I do hope, however, that in MV we will get to see more of Taehyung and OC's dynamics again, they perhaps have had the biggest shift in their whole relationship and I look forward to seeing how they tackle the challenges that have undoubtedly arisen from the trauma they have both endured.

On a separate note: road trip! But also, roadtrip... you know shits gonna go down and I can't wait to see how it all unfolds... Well, I'll be peeking from behind my hands.

-🌸

This makes me so happy to hear!! I was a little worried about how I started it as I didn't want it to feel forced, so to hear that I managed to make it flow naturally makes me very happy to hear hehe 💜

OC and Yoongles are so cute that I simultaneously uwu and throw up in my mouth at the same time because I'm a bitter singleton and I want what they have.

bro me HFAHDFHAH I always get so giddy writing for them until I realise that I won't ever have what they have and then I get sad JFADJFJ

I'm curious to see just how much Taehyung and OC's relationship will have changed in the aftermath of SA. [...] I do hope, however, that in MV we will get to see more of Taehyung and OC's dynamics again, they perhaps have had the biggest shift in their whole relationship and I look forward to seeing how they tackle the challenges that have undoubtedly arisen from the trauma they have both endured.

I'm really excited for this as well!! I can also promise you that you will get to see lots of scenes between them again! Truly, writing how all of their dynamics go together and also work individually was so much fun to write and work on 🥺

Thank you so much for your review!! Seriously you are so a treasure 💜

[fractalkiss]

could you do a director's commentary on 'who's gonna hold you down'? and/or ⭐ for your deaging fic!

i'm gonna do director's commentary for one of the parts that had me shaking crying throwing up when i was writing 'who's gonna hold you down' AND one from jwds deaging fic because that's fresh in my mind...rip. hope this isn't too much lol thanks for dropping by to ask these!

who's gonna hold you down commentary:

Lucas doesn't like to admit it but he's supposedly (claimed by Dustin) the worst driver out of them. Erica could parallel park better than he can, and she'd just gotten her licence. Even Will—who for some reason, swore he'd suck at driving, could back it out into a busy street with enough calm: whose wasted ass did you steal Jonathan's car for to go pick up? And still? Dustin had asked just a couple months ago in their chatroom, and Will flipped him the bird via text. That's what Lucas told Max anyway. What El tells her on timed phone calls under the phone bill's watchful numbers, was the abridged version but funnier versions, in El's flat unhurried tone. [i just love the idea of erica being able to parallel park better than her older brother and the idea of will taking jonathan's car in the middle of the night to pick up the guy he's been sort of maybe seeing on and off when he's drunk to help bring him home (shoutout to male oc lionel). will deserves so many good things and i want him to be HAPPY. @ duffer bros please dn't kill him off the next season. TERRIFIED for this guy, i want him to live. i'd also like to think that it's maxine and will who doesn't let el pull away from the group too much after her breakup with mike. i almost forgot his name as i was answering this, i was about to say finn wolfhard. my thoughts on el and mike is that there are no thoughts besides el needing to grow as her own person eventually away and separate from mike. me @ el: he's just some guy!!]

The thing is, she's never been impressed by sunsets. Not here, nor the ones that sprawled out over the beaches in California like something alive and hungry. Max imagines instead, a sliced apricot in place of the sun, glowing over the horizon. A side effect of Lucas always reading her to sleep when she was recovering from her broken body, before she got bored with the books she'd chosen herself and couldn't get past the reedy voice he put on for parental figures and asked him to talk about their friends.[max's whiplash in between wanting to die about lucas' impersonations and having to adjust seeing the world by extension via someone else while she's lost some of her vision in this fic, which i think can be pretty debilitating during the recovery phase for someone like her, whose natural inclination is to put up a wall up around herself and hold her own]

It was fine. Lucas didn't have rich or creative descriptions for them sometimes, but she listened. She listened, smiled, jabbed, and choked out laughter at all the good parts, until Lucas didn't have anything to tell her one day.[it's his loneliness upon max's loneliness!! secondhand! he does all this for max but what if it might never be good enough and max knows, so she reacts the way she does--she smiles and laughs and rolls her eyes as long as she listens. one chapter a day and they'll get through it one day at a time!! if she listens and lets him go on then maybe there'd be no need for to give any more of herself back]

"They ask about you," he said.[trying to get through to her via the power of friendship over long distance]

Max is too tired to shrug. "Same old."

"Yeah but, you know," Lucas said, in that voice Max simultaneously hated and loved.[i'd like to think they were 2 years going on strong here and then right after she was released, they took a break lucas knew she needed and then continued on strong again up to the present roadtrip scene] If she hadn't been jacked up on morphine, feeling vaguely disgusting in scrubs she sweat into a lot, she wouldn't have said anything. How unbearable, to still have gotten your feelings hurt by being told you were withdrawing into yourself, again. She thought her shame cortex for displaying basic human vulnerability should have dimmed down after dying once.[this is basically me questioning and navelgazing as i was writing: the power of friends and friendship might have saved someone, but what happens after that? what's life after that when things have to change and people naturally grow apart. in a sense, i meant for it to be max thinking she was gonna live her life every day to the fullest after escaping death, but she's still coming to terms with the life she's left with]

Now, she can smell the ocean, salt and brine after they've found a spot to sit. 

They'd brought Lucas' bike, strapped to the top of his dad's car and wheeled it atop a road that stretched on and on, easy to pedal through with speed, almost as fast as being on a skateboard. Lucas mounts it, and Max gets on behind him. 

"You wanna tell the others about today?" Lucas asks. Not what he'll think of today, but what Max thinks of, the things she wants to remember.[she remembers that there are people who's stuck with the life they're left with too, and that she can't fault them for wanting to share it with her.]

She can smell his clean shampoo, the dense thick pine along the road, and the taste and ringing of something close to happiness in her teeth.[needed sensory descriptions here especially with scent, i was not going to leave that out to describe familiarity and love] "Of course."

They start moving and set off, the wind rushing past their ears like a song[the kids biking + max going along on her skateboard really has become a staple in ST. i thought of kate bush's love and anger for lumax specifically, i think the lyrics encapsulates the kind of dread and hope for a future]

--------

hold your lost causes commentary:

i'll pick one scene that isn't too depressing (to me)

Dongsik nudges Juwon's leg with his knee hard enough that Juwon bristles and says "Don't," but he's smiling a little. Smiling just enough that Dongsik can push himself closer and crowd him in. Juwon tries to elbow Dongsik away, even though he's got his hands fisted in Dongsik's hoodie, shuddering at the warm contact when Dongsik tries to mouth at his neck, and looking pissed off anyway when he manages to straddle Juwon that way on the floor. It's not exactly roughhousing, with the quick kissing in between; Dongsik wonders very briefly if Juwon had anyone to play rough with, in boarding school maybe, or if that was too much for him.[i think i just loved the idea of dongsik trying to lightly roughhouse with juwon and playing unfair by kissing. i personally don't think juwon liked roughhousing at all growing up lmao, but it's dongsik unconsciously filing this thought away in his head to learn something about juwon for later]

"Ah fuck," Dongsik groans, slightly out of breath when Juwon shifts his weight in an actual clean semi-throw to get Dongsik off of him, and pins his leg. "Easy, my back is killing me, actually—"[i love the size difference. and age difference lol so many opportunities for the push and pull between them]

"Sure," Juwon says, but he lets Dongsik's leg out beneath him, one hand on his stomach tentatively, "I did ask you."

"You have all the advantage in the world. You just liked me doing that," Dongsik says as he runs his fingers through Juwon's hair now, tugs gently. He notes how dark Juwon's eyes seem to go. "Why judo?" he asks.

"Why not?"

"Didn't take you for a close contact kind of guy."[lol judo is a martial art that's about grappling, cornering into place/locking, and taking control over your opponent so like BESIDES the close contact, i think judo really does track for juwon. this is me basically taking advantage of the character outline in the translated parts of the script]

Juwon drops his gaze, pushes himself off and sits cross-legged. "Why taekwondo?"

"Jihwa's father had a dojang and held classes. He taught us." 

"Oh Jihwa's father taught you?" Juwon repeats, as if to himself.

"My father encouraged it." Dongsik's father had simply told him when he was a kid that he had to learn how to fight. His brawl streak in middle school and high school became history. "He was always teaching me to fight for yourself as a man. Maybe you wouldn't have liked us at all if we'd known each other then."[i wanted to make sure it was clear in the phrasing that dongsik and his dad were evidently really close back then, besides canon knowledge of it from the drama. it's a reminder every time that dongsik actually had a decent positive relationship with his father in childhood up and juwon is like. acutely aware of this so he listens and tries to push aside his own experiences and understanding of fathers/family as he knows it. at this point after the deaging, it's where he's inclined to want to do this since he thinks dongsik has had a happier childhood--before the tragedy at least--and is thus by far the better person between them just for not lacking this in is early childhood--except dongsik doesn't think this and would never think this of himself.]

"Maybe," Juwon says, subdued. "I suppose it's what fathers do."

"Are you saying that for my sake?" Dongsik asks. There's truth in Juwon's words. The familiar hardness in Juwon's eyes now might have something to do with his father, with whatever Juwon had been doing in Seoul today earlier, but most of the fight inside him had been taught somewhere.

There's a rough, sharp-edged stone that seems to throw itself over in Dongsik's chest each time. He knows what that is, a reminder that's ugly and vindictive, a kind of animal in him that licked at its own wounds when Juwon stood by him years ago against his father.[the kind of animal i envisioned here was meant to be selfish with self-preservation instincts at an all time high ie. not thinking about whether or not juwon gets hurt protecting him, but thinking that it's only right that he can get hurt protecting him because i think, grief and anger is something that people want others to feel with and share and empathize with BUT at the same time, they'll cradle their own grief and anger to themselves and think "no, this is mine to bear and nurse. let me sit with it alone because you would never, and could NEVER understand." like. it's SO conflicting, jwds' relationship is like the ultimate conflict upon conflict LAYERED.] The same brutish, killing animal that imagines the look on Han Kihwan's face if Dongsik visits him just to tell him that his son's a keeper, uses his mouth for something pretty well.[dongsik imagines this, but would never do it because to see any sort of outrage from han kihwan as a father is complicated. would he rather have han kihwan show disinterest and disdain for his own son that he doesn't react? or would being able to hurt him this way actually feel good when that would just mean that he is, still a father most of all? tough choice! conflict upon conflict] But the other curious part of it now, is that maybe Dongsik's feelings are just hurt because Juwon is so careful about putting up a fort around himself. It's terribly ironic; Dongsik is supposed to be the expert here at that.

"Juwon-ah, you don't have to pretend for my sake. Not for me," Dongsik says, barely a whisper. With the rain outside, he's not even sure if Juwon heard it.

But Juwon is close enough that he looks up at him. Just stares at him from the other end of the couch, for what feels like a while, both of them silent like their heads are underwater. "Right. It's just a fighting sport," he says. He says this slowly, like he's really talking about something else.[he's talking about every toxic bad quality that was nurtured and grown in him because of his father]

"It's still you," Dongsik finally says. He'd gotten to know Juwon as a kid and he was always who he was: good. "Maybe I'd want to know. Maybe I don't. And then maybe I'd talk your ear off, would I have that?"[literally the closest to a confession i could write. "will you bear yourself open just a little more for me and listen to me talk your ear off in return??? hmu if yes". essentially, to let someone glimpse you for who you were before and still have them want to stick by you in the present and LEARN about you--that's trust and love baby!!!]

The non-committal phrasing only makes it so much easier to say. That's another thing Juwon learned to understand about Dongsik a long time ago, that he understands now.

"Troublesome," Juwon says, but it's soft. He doesn't make a move to leave. "You have that. You had me long enough."["that was all i've been trying to do with you!!!" (post-canon) "why else would i want to drink an insane amount of tea with u". lord i think i added this line like. a day after posting just because i read it again and thought a more proactive conversation seemed to have better impact, thus adding a line of response from juwon]

[mlobsters]

supernatural s15e15 gimme shelter (w. davy perez)

DEAN Well, right now, weak is all we have, okay, 'cause nobody's found anything. And without Amara, we're screwed. So, Atlantic City? All-you-can-eat prime rib, and possibly one all-powerful cosmic being. Come on, man, sounds like a roadtrip to me.

it sounds good to me but i've been striking out with this season in the fun department :p

cracking up at cas trying to get sam to back him up that taking jack on a murder investigation is a bad idea, but sam backs dean instead and dean is so pleased. and jack is just happy to be involved. reminds me of that scene in hannibal 2x10

(rocktheholygrail)

all right so we get cas and jack being awkward with local law enforcement, that's a combo.

JACK Like Sam always says, when in doubt, try social media. CASTIEL Oh, yeah. I did that once. There were so many cat photos, it was just... There were too many cats.

gasp

JACK It says I need a parent or guardian's permission to join. CASTIEL You have my permission. JACK Ah. I have his permission.

cheap but i'll take it, it was cute

ZACK No one's making deals. Like, at all. Uh, Rowena has a hard "people will end up where they belong" philosophy. It can be nice, less quotas. But, like, look at me, uh, a crossroads demon who can't bring in a deal? Like, what even am I? CASTIEL You're a deviant soul corrupted by Hell. ZACK Well, yeah, yes, but II mean more in, like, a work-life-balance sense.

look at this, throwing the bog standard demon a bone and having some personality, and the potential changes rowena would make

SAM That's not what I meant. We've been on the road for almost two days, and I get not wanting to talk about it, I do, but, you know, what we're planning on doing, killing Amara. DEAN Well, we're not pulling the trigger. SAM Sure, but we still have to find her. And then, if we find her, we have to lie to her. We got to set her up for her own death. DEAN Hey, man, Billie called us "Messengers of God's Destruction," okay? Did you think that was, what, gonna be easy? Bloodless? Mhmh. We knew there was gonna be a catch. Least this time it's not you or me.

okay. i'm not sure i'm following here. it's like they have some good feelings about amara and they're bummed about having to kill her. but aside from the whammy on dean, do they? like, she decided to not wipe out existence and no one had to kill themselves to take her out, and she brought mary back so maybe there's some feelings from that? anyway, don't really get this but ok. i'm also not convinced she actually has to die, but whatevs

JACK Well, I have more dads than most, and I always just feel like I'm letting all of them down.

a) cute cute b) oh, jack

spn s5e8 steve bacic as dr. sexy / s15e15 as pastor joe

thought this pastor joe guy looked familiar, apparently he was dr sexy in changing channels 5x08. and 3 episodes (as different characters) of the xfiles! oh okay i looked him up before lol, he was in the episode pusher as someone who was compelled to kill themselves by the baddie. didn't apparently deem it worth an hiky though

PASTOR You have kids? CASTIEL I, uh... It's complicated.

find it kind of interesting how jack talks about his dads straight up but when other people talk to said dads, they deflect to avoid saying they have a kid specifically. or maybe i just selectively remember the times they worm around the question

PASTOR It's kind of part of the job. My wife, she grew up in this church and loved it. They were a bit more hardcore back then. Chalked everything that happened up to God's will. Never seemed to realize that– CASTIEL God just doesn't care.

getting some laughs out of me. look at you, davy

sitting on the cold, wet car 😩

appreciate their commitment to filming in whatever weather, and at least in some shots showing them with the rained on/snowed in hair

so, based on that dun dun DUN type music, are they wary about the amara business just because she's you know, a juiced up god and presumably hard to kill? and not because they don't want to kill her?

SAM How'd you find us? AMARA I smelled you from two states over. You have a very distinctive musk. DEAN Thank you.

okayyy. that's something. he's pleased, for whatever reason

CASTIEL My name is, um well, my name's not important. I do know what blind faith is. I used to just follow orders without question, and I did some pretty terrible things. I would never look beyond the plan. And then, of course, when it all came crashing down, I found myself lost. I didn't know what my purpose was anymore. And then one day, something changed, something amazing. I… I guess I found a family, and I became a father. And in that, I rediscovered my faith. I rediscovered who I am.

ha. after i just said they never tell outsiders that they do have a kid. here's cas, stepping up. i have no clue what the timeline would be on the, found a family thing. i have a terrible time keeping his plotlines straight

SAM The former Death, he told us you were the firstborn. AMARA Or he told you what you needed to hear.

they seem a little rattled about that, but they know billie hasn't always been right about everything in the past so it seems reasonable to not talk everything she says at face value? and presumably same for death 1.0

AMARA Chuck and I, we're twins. Creation and destruction, light and dark, balance. And when we split apart, all this was created. SAM The Big Bang? AMARA Eh.

huh. ok. how does that work with the alternate universes then? i feel like this is a very loosely thought out idea :p

this is very se7en :p if dude wakes up to thrash around....

DEAN No, no. No. Why did you bring her back? You said that you wanted to show me something, that you wanted to, uh to teach me something. I don't know if you were following along, but your little experiment, it came to a not-so-happy ending. My mom is dead. So what exactly did you want to show me? What was the point?

AMARA I wanted two things for you, Dean. I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person, that the myth you'd held onto for so long of a better life, a life where she lived, was just that, a myth. I wanted you to see that the real, complicated Mary was better than your childhood dream because she was real. That now is always better than then. That you could finally start to accept your life.

kind of shocked we're having this meaningful character moment and not plowing along with the plot. i... well. i'll be generous and attempt to believe that this was actually thought about when they brought mary back

DEAN And the second thing? AMARA I thought having her back would release you, put that fire out. Your anger. But I guess we both know I failed at that. DEAN You're damn right. Look at you. Just another cosmic dick rigging the game. You're just like your brother.

can't really argue with that, but they're making her out to be very nice this time around

AMARA It was a gift, Dean, not a trial. DEAN I'm not angry, Amara. I'm furious. To know that all my life, I've been nothing but a hamster in a wheel, stuck in a story. And you know whose fault that is? Chuck's. And it ain't just me. We're all trapped. Sam and Cas and Jack and even you. And you want to talk about the people that he's killing right now AMARA Stop. DEAN Why? He's not stopping. And you're doing nothing to stop it. Think he gives a rat's ass about you? Well, now who's living in a dreamworld?

this is all very convincing manipulation if he's just trying to maneuver her into a situation where she can be killed

PASTOR Whatever she needs, whatever it takes, I'll find a place where she can get help. I spent my life taking care of all these other people. Should've been taking care of her.

the subplot of the murdering pastor's daughter, all the meaningful looks between cas and jack. cas getting to come in and save the day, fingers, gut stab wounds

now cas and jack get to have a nighttime car chat about their feelings

JACK When we – When I kill Chuck and Amara, I'll die, too. CASTIEL What? JACK Billie's spells have been turning me into some kind of bomb, and when I go off, God and Amara will cease to exist. And... I won't survive. JACK Don't tell Sam and Dean. CASTIEL Oh, yeah? Why not? JACK They won't understand. But I know... This is the only way they'll ever forgive me.

of course! well, i can't say i'm surprised

CASTIEL No. I watched you die once, and I will not do it again. JACK It's not your choice.

true that

DEAN Wait. What's happening? Where are you going? CASTIEL Going to look for another way. I have to. DEAN What the hell are you talking about? CASTIEL Dean, in case something goes wrong and I don't make it back, there's something you and Sam need to know…

distressing way to leave the episode but ok. so that mean he's not keeping jack's secret? that's good

(wiki)

Alex Calvert posted a photo of the volunteer registration form Jack filled out at the Community Center

lol ok. that's a lot of exclamation points. and the marital statue made me laugh

didn't bitch my way through this ep, i'll take it

[anachronistic-falsehood]

👀👀👀👀!!!!!!!!!!!!

OUGHORTHUIFGUH HIIIII!!!! :3 ok splitting this evenly between u and mac bc u both sent me MULTIPLE EYE EMOJIS!!! wonderful :3 thank u for giving me the opportunity 2 talk about my abandoned fics maybe it will give me inspiration 2 keep writing them??? perhaps??? unsure ANYWAY

OUGHHHHH ok ok gonna scroll thru my folders real quick. lets see hmmmm HOLY SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT MY MIDVALLEY THE HORNFREAK ORIGIN STORY FIC. forgot about that one. idk if i'll ever finish it because tb-fucking-h i fell out of trigun like super fast (the fandom's treatment of vash and ww has. really put me off. stop infantilizing vash and turning ww into a hot dangerous daddy dom i'm soooo fucking serious rn) my midvalley backstory it is still. sitting there. in my drafts. even if i never finish it perhaps i can put it in a google doc and send it 2 u and mac and the other hornfreakers!! but for now. here it sits. in the fic graveyard

in the same vein as that: trigun modern au roadtrip fic. i was so fucking excited about it i had a fucking blast writing the first few chapters, but again, Fandom Issues put me off (I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS URGHSGHHG I WANNA ENJOY MEDIA BUT SOME PEOPLE JUST MAKE ME AUTOMATICALLY ASSOCIATE THE MEDIA WITH THEIR SHIT TAKES AND PERCEPTIONS I'M GOING TO EAT A BRICK WALL) but also maybe i can throw it in a google doc and write out the plot points that were going to happen and toss it to the masses at some point??? it's just sitting there. looking at me. MENACINGLY

hmmmmm oh i had another trigun one i wanted 2 write. where after the events of trimax vash ends up going back to lena and staying with her and eventually meets livio again and then knives is still alive and then milly and meryl show up and they all get to live happily and everything. wonderful times <3 there was also ANOTHER one that was meant to be post canon trigun 98 where knives is being forcibly rehabilitated into society by vash and he is being such a little shit about it but he slowly but surely learns to love and be happy, and one day he's smiling and laughing with meryl as the two of them make soup in the kitchen while vash and milly play cards and eat donuts at the dinner table and he realizes huh. maybe it's a good thing i didn't destroy all of this. and i will never finish writing it but man it is always going to be a concept that i will hold dear to my heart

man this entire thing ended up being trigun huh. did not intend that but i got rambling <3 let's finish with a homestuck one!! i was going to write a post meat epilogue fic with ult!rose as the narrator bc we all know ult!dirk is a lying little bitch and does not talk about his feelings ever but ROSE sure as hell will talk about his feelings. not her own not EVER but she will put her father on blast at any opportunity she gets. i wanted to like. explore ult!dirk more thru her eyes bc he's so interesting to me but i never finished it. maybe i'll get back 2 it someday but for now it sits in the notes of my phone. half a chapter done. probably all it will ever be </3

[inairbinad]

summer challenge fic in the wip titles? am I allowed to ask about that one? 👀

it only exists because of you babe, you can ask whatever you want!! 💜💜

Admittedly my dialogue prompt ("That look in your eye terrifies me") didn't inspire a plot as quickly as I wanted beyond what Eddie would say in response ("There’s a fine line between terrified and turned on, Stevie”). But I've finally got one going!

I wanted to really lean into the summer vibe so we've got a roadtrip, stargazing, and an amusement park all smushed into one fic. And since it's the Spicy Six Summer Challenge, I couldn't help myself and I had to throw in some Ronance and Jargyle on the way to setting up the Steddie.

Longer snippet under the cut!

ask me about my wips

“Hold the phone…” Eddie said, placing a gentle hand on Steve’s forearm and pulling him back. Reluctantly, Steve lifted his chin and faced Eddie. “Are you jealous?”

“Well—” Steve tried, but Eddie was too busy getting worked up to even let him answer.

“Oh my god,” he practically hooted. “I knew you had a thing for Byers!”

“What? No, I—”

“Unless you don’t, and you’re actually into—oh my god,” Eddie was apparently not only interrupting Steve, but himself now too. “Are you crushing on Argyle?”

“No,” Steve said more forcefully, but Eddie was already talking. Again.

“Because I’d totally get it, man. He’s very pretty. Got those flowing locks you could just—” Eddie mimed grabbing onto something with both hands, “get your fingers in.”

“Jesus Christ, do you ever shut up?” Steve sighed, completely exasperated. If he didn't shut this down, he was pretty sure Eddie would accuse him of being in love with everyone but the person Steve actually had feelings for. The idiot sitting next to him.

“My name’s Eddie, actually, but I don’t mind the comparison. He also had good hair, that Jesus guy—”

“I’m not into Jonathan or Argyle!” Steve did the interrupting this time, raising his voice probably a little too loudly for the thin walls to contain. He didn’t care much if the occupants of the other rooms heard him over their other activities, it wasn’t like he was trying to keep who he didn't like a secret.

It had the added bonus of shutting Eddie up, anyway.

“I'm happy for them, really, but I guess I am a little jealous,” Steve admitted, quietly now. “But not because I want them. I just want…someone.”

Eddie’s posture softened again, and Steve braved looking him in the eye. They seemed warmer now, somehow, like the summer heat had melted their striking brown shade like chocolate. Eddie squeezed where he still had a grip on Steve’s arm and smiled a little sadly.

“Yeah, I get that, Stevie.”

eta: I also posted this snippet last week that probably got eaten in the Great Tumblr Imprisonment of 2023.

[dabbledrabbleprose]

21. Stars

Part One / Part Two / Part Three

Despite Jesse’s assurances, Hanzo was genuinely surprised at how quickly McCree set up camp. The sun was still setting behind them when McCree shouted that he was done. Hanzo turned away from the spectacular landscape to look back at their little camp, which now consisted of the truck, two chairs, and a little portable solar stove, all set up in a flat rocky area clear of sagebrush.

“…That’s it?”

“Told you there weren’t much to it.”

“Where’s the tent?”

“No need for a tent. It ain’t gonna rain, and there ain’t much in the way of bugs this time of year.”

“So we are sleeping on the ground?”

“Hell no,” Jesse snorted and started fiddling with the stove, setting a small pot over it and cracking open two cans of what appeared to be some kind of store-bought stew. “Just ‘cause there ain’t bugs don’t mean there ain’t snakes. Also the ground has rocks, and I’ve got a mattress in the back of the truck, along with solar thermal blankets that have been charging the whole drive here.”

The red light of sunset was rapidly fading into purples and blues, and Hanzo headed back toward McCree and away from the plateau edge. “Why no campfire? I thought that was an essential part of camping.”

“Too dry. One poorly-timed spark could set off a grass fire, and I wasn’t planning on ending this evening with setting half of Arizona on fire. The stove’s fine. I’ve got dinner cooking now and we can even make some proper s’mores over it.”

“Ah,” Hanzo took a seat in the folding camping chair. “You have told me of these.”

“Your sweet tooth will love ‘em. Guaranteed.”

He tended to the pot, stirring slowly, and only stopping to turn on two battery-powered lanterns as the last of the light faded. Dinner was ready quickly, they were only reheating canned stew after all, and Hanzo was smart enough to eat without complaint. The evening darkened into true night, and Jesse got them started on s’mores.

“It’s better over an actual fire,” Jesse reluctantly admitted. “You get the marshmallow right down by the coals and let it roast slow and even… Some people like to just light theirs on fire and get a hard, crunchy outer layer on it. I think those people are out of their damn minds. The burnt flavor ruins everything.”

“You have put a lot of thought into this,” Hanzo said. McCree was right. Hanzo’s sweet tooth had betrayed him once again and he’d loved the marshmallow and chocolate treat. He wasn’t nearly as fond of the melted marshmallow he was currently trying to pull out of his beard.

“Every kid in the U.S. has an opinion on lightly toasted verses burnt marshmallow. It’s a fact of life. I count myself on Team Lightly Toasted.”

“Hm,” Hanzo frowned, all his attention on trying to get the last of the sticky white sugar out his beard. He was having moderate success between licking his fingers and using thumbnail to scrape through the coarse hair. “I suppose I’ll have to try both to see how I like it.”

“Honey, if you tell me you like crispy burnt marshmallows, I’m afraid I’m going to have to never talk to you again.”

“A shame,” he ran his fingers through his beard a few more times, finally satisfied that he’d gotten it all out. “I will miss hearing your…”

Hanzo’s voice trailed off as he turned his attention away from what he was doing and finally looked upward.

With the last purple light from the sunset finally gone, the cloudless sky had been unfurled in full glory. The moon was a thin sliver of a crescent, leaving nothing to hide the fathomless multitude of stars that filled the sky, highlighted by the line of the Milky Way, slashing horizon to horizon.

Hanzo stared in silence for several long minutes before McCree finally interrupted him with a soft laugh.

“Enjoying the view?”

Hanzo looked quickly over at Jesse and was grateful that the darkness hid his blush.

“Forgive me. I’ve just…I’ve never seen so many stars.”

“I was wondering when you’d notice. That’s why I picked this spot, actually. It’s one of last places in the U.S. unaffected by light pollution.”

“It’s incredible,” Hanzo turned his attention back to the stars. He heard McCree get up beside him and start cleaning up, not seeming to mind that Hanzo was distracted. “I had no idea there was so much color…I always thought the night sky was just black, but this…”

“Tell me what you see, darlin’,” McCree put everything away in the truck, then moved his chair closer to Hanzo’s and took his hand. “I wanna hear it through your eyes.”

Hanzo made a snort of laughter. “That does not make sense, but I will tell you anyway,” he leaned back in his chair, letting his head fall back and the sky take up his entire vision. “The colors…not just black. Purple and blue. But not just navy, there are so many different blues. There’s even green closer to the horizon. And the Milky Way…I’ve never seen it so clearly before. And if you let your eyes relax and unfocus, you can see the movement of all the satellites. I had no idea there were so many.”

A flash of white streaked across the sky and Hanzo gasped.

“Did you see that?”

“Sure did, sweetheart,” Jesse said, but he only had eyes for Hanzo, watching him with the same wonder that Hanzo was giving to the Arizona sky.

They sat beneath the stars, talking long into the night until a sharp, high yowl split the night. Hanzo sat up stiffly, dropping McCree’s hand to reach for a bow that wasn’t there.

“What was that?”

“Coyotes,” McCree said easily, unconcerned. “Wanna turn in for the night?”

“Hm. That might not be a bad idea,” he replied, looking in the direction the sound had come from with unease.

“Don’t worry about the coyotes,” Jesse reassured him. “They’ll leave us alone. Most they might do is sniff around the campsite and move on when they don’t find any free food.”

He led Hanzo to the truck and dropped the tailgate, then paused, thinking.

“Huh. Might not be a bad idea to put our shoes inside the truck, though. Just in case.”

“Hm. A wise idea,” Hanzo said. “Especially if your boots smell like something long dead.”

“Aw, Han. You’re killin’ me, here.”

“Not as much as your foot odor.”

McCree put a hand to his heart as if shot, but kicked his boots off and threw them in the truck anyway, followed by his belt and gloves, though he kept the hat on. Hanzo followed suit, tossing his own boots in the truck, then followed McCree to the bed of the truck, stepping gingerly over the rocky ground in his socked feet.

It was surprisingly cozy in the bed of the truck. The mattress was soft and the nanofibers in the solar blankets stayed comfortably warm, and Hanzo was even warmer when he settled down beside Jesse, curling beside him to look up once again at the star strewn sky.

“Thank you, Jesse,” he said softly. “This is incredible.”

McCree smiled and slid an arm around him. “Thank you kindly, darlin’. I appreciate it.”

“I am sorry I gave you such grief over this.”

“Nah. I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it up to me.”

Unable to resist the bait, Hanzo leaned over to kiss him long and deep, both a little breathless by the time their lips finally parted.

“How was that?” He asked, allowing himself to sound a little smug as he leaned over McCree.

“It’s a start,” Jesse grinned, eyes sparkling in the starlight.

“Then let me finish it,” he dove in for another kiss, sliding into Jesse’s embrace, happy to be alone with the man he loved and the stars above.

[danny-chase]

Reasons I know the Batgirls writers didn't do research warnings for salt I'm freaking annoyed as hell

Cass throwing a fight because Babs asked her to keep a low profile is absolutely laughable. In Batgirls (2000) - which mind you, isn't a hard read, it's less than 100 issues and all available on DC's own app, she gives 0 fucks about her secret identity and it takes her realizing she wouldn't be able to live with Babs to actually care about it being a secret (she literally broke into the CIA without her mask on). That she went back for her stuff makes sense, but she would have just clocked the guys in the first place.

Cass being "the gloomy one" - they literally looked at her aesthetic and assigned her one personality trait. Like oh come on. Read 3 comics with her character and you'd know that's not what she's like. She's stilted and awkward in this, whereas in her solo she's fluid and does what she thinks makes sense in the moment.

Similarly Steph being the "happy" one. Look, Dixon be damned, at least he gave her some amount of depth in Robin. Steph is not just cheery all the time, she's had legitimately traumatic things happen to her. She had to give up a child for adoption. Her father abused her. She had a close call with being sexually assaulted by her piano teacher as a child. She has a temper. This Steph has no mode other than happy. Even in her Batgirl series where she was noticeably more cheery, she still had moments of disappointment, worried about things, and felt more human than this

"We barely slept" skejendb in what world is Cass waking up early like come on.

Steph just being there to be Cass's hype man and constantly being cheery feels so wrong. Like yes is the old stuff she was always impressed by Cass's abilities, but there was always the underlying comparison of skill level between the two. It wasn't just "Oh wowwie cass, you're so cool!!!" It was "Cass can do this. And I can't" because Cass was testing her, making her try too, and it genuinely came from a place of her loving Steph and not wanting to see her getting hurt (once the two got to know each other).

Fundamental misunderstanding that the Batgirl mantle means "girl", as in "not an adult". Like... really? Barbara in Batgirl: Year One had graduated college, and iirc was serving in Congress when she was Batgirl before. It says in the first issue of Cass run that she's 17. Steph is in college when she's Batgirl. I would let the 13-14 comment slide because it's not actually a part of the comic but it's so blatantly obvious they're supposed to be children in this run. And Cass and Steph are not children. In fact even in Rebirth Detective Comics, Steph at the end along with Tim went on a roadtrip where they had implied (lied) to Bruce they were going to go start their freshman year. Iirc they slept together. And now Tim's like 20 and Steph is 14? Holy age gap Batman editorial!

Steph worrying so much about Babs approval. Like since when? The girl who got stone walled and cut off from the Batfamily because she didn't meet Bruce's ridiculous standards, and started patrolling during the day without backup because she wanted to be a hero cares about doing things Barbara's way? Someone who they haven't even established a relationship with? Like no offense DC, but Steph's interacted with Babs not all that frequently, I for a second don't think she's going to give too many shits about Babs approval

Steph comes off as a complete amateur who's never done any of this stuff before. Way to erase character development DC and repeat her shitty writing that was eventually used as an excuse to kill her off! Can you hear me clapping! Wonderful job! And while I'm here this is about batgirls, but fuck you seeley for calling Steph the failure as robin, because if you'd actually read those comics you'd notice how BRUCE NEVER GAVE HER A REAL SHOT. Because you're pretty much hit over the head with the "he's only using her to get Tim back subtext"

Going to Babs instead of doing something themselves is very ooc for both Steph and Cass as established in prev points. In what case would Barbara workaholic Gordon dismiss them like that either. "Go to bed you're delirious?" From the character that used to have surveillance cameras on the joker she constantly used to watch? Yeah laughable.

Barbara used a cane on (1) page and they put her bed atop a flight of stairs and the apartment is four stories up (implied in the beginning they had to walk up them sooo no elevator). It doesn't feel like they put much thought into how that would work out, or care about returning her to a wheel chair anytime soon with all those stairs everywhere. She treats Steph and Cass like her children when we've had 0 build up for a relationship with either of them. She fell asleep at her desk (Barbara sleeping is laughable).

I've seen comics treat Babs worse but I've never seen Cass or Steph this infantized. Congrats Batgirls writers, I hope selling out to fandom 1-D characters gets you good sales, and you had to do no work researching the characters so it's a double win! Thanks for ruining characters I like. It's literally not even hard to read either of there Batgirl series, congrats on tripping over the bar that was below the ground.

Edit: @fancyfade pointed out it was one of Steph's dad friends that assaulted her, which then led into being upset with her piano teacher latter (if i was writing batgirls, you better bet I'd have reread that issue)

Edit 2: I know invisible disabilities exist. This is better rep than none at all. But imo, she's not Oracle again until she's paraplegic again.

[enviedear]

oliviaaaaa i hope u feel better soon :((( ur one of my fav accounts on this godforsaken app <3333

for ur self care day ! :::

green tea hair mask — give me a month and day + a character and i'll write a lil blurb abt it !

june 17th + mr. james potter ? (im v predictable LOL)

big luv <3

omg you're so sweet, thank you <3 i'm feeling better ! also enjoy this, it's roadtrip!james and it's my new favorite obsession.

indulge in my self care sleepover !

[ june seventeenth ]

"we've found ourselves in quite the predicament, haven't we." james huffs, staring at you.

you give him a glare, "i told you we needed a map."

he rests his head on the steering wheel, groaning aloud.

the two of you were ages away from home, and completely lost. it was entirely james' fault as well. you told him two hours ago to ask the waitress for directions.

"alright, we have hours until the sun starts setting— just turn around and we can get back into civilization." you ease.

james shakes his head, "no, no. if we keep straight we'll eventually find something."

"oh come on! james, we're in the middle of nowhere." you argue.

he starts the car against your protests, continuing down the empty road. you slip into silence for an hour, totally against speaking to your boyfriend.

james has passed nothing but farmland the entire time, and you've yet to see another human being.

"admit it," you finally speak. "we're lost."

"we're not— we just don't know where we're going." james smirks, happy to annoy you further.

you roll your eyes, and turn the radio on. a cheesy muggle slow song fills the air, saxophone blaring and lyrics sultry.

james smiles brighter, eyes holding a mischievous gleam. he's starts to sing, quiet a first, but as the chorus builds— so does his volume.

"—and i'm never dance again. guilty feet have got no rhythm, though it's easy to pretend, i know you're not a fool!" he sings, voice cracking.

you groan, annoyed with him. completely beyond annoyed.

"james. you're starting to swerve, focus."

he continues to dance in the driver's seat, attempting to make you smile and join his dancing. as the beat begins to drop he turns the volume up.

he throws his head back and yells the lyrics, "tonight the music seems so loud, i wish that we could lose this crowd!" he points a faux microphone to you, requesting you join his song.

you roll your eyes before smiling, "we'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say—"

"we could have been so good together!" he's lost focus on the road, only staring at you, eyes playful.

you laugh as he continues with the song, forgetting all about how lost you are. when james finishes you clap, leaning over to kiss his cheek, "encore, darling!"

he smirks at you, "for the song, or for the fact i found civilization?"

you look out the window and see a bustling town around you.

"godric—when?" you ask.

james shakes his head, "a magician never reveals his secrets."

you look at him deadpan, "it was an accident wasn't it."

"possibly— c'mon, much to explore!" he winks.

[monsterrae1]

Five Fave Fics

Tagged by @eddiediazisascorpio and @queerbitchdiaz thank you so much!

Here's five of my favorite things I've written: (it was actually very hard to pick 5, but today I'm really feeling these 5)

You're Not My Homeland Anymore (So, who am I defending now?)

5.5k | One shot

Buck thought that he and Eddie were in the same page, when Eddie starts dating Ana its very clear that they werent, so whos gonna mend Buck's broken heart?

Don't Let Go Now (Somebody is lying)

44k | 8/8 chapters

One missundertanding let Buck's mother to belive that Eddie was his boyfriend, and Buck foolishly didn't correct her, thinking it wasn't hurting any one. When the buckleys announce they're coming for a visit Buck has to ask Eddie to pretend to date him while they're there, if Buck is hiding the fact that he's in love with his best friend that's his business. It's only for two weeks, right?

Be Still My Foolish Heart

14k | 8/8 chapters | Part 1 of my Cordolia Verse (Bakery AU)

Eddie Diaz moves into his Abuela's small town, Cordolia, after she breaks her hip and needs help running the family bakery, it something he always wanted to do and now he finally has the chance to go back into the path the thought he'd follow when he was a kid. He just wasn't counting on falling in love with Evan Buck Buckley, the cute barista at the 118 café, given his track record with relationships he tries to court Buck with the one thing he's sure he can't screw up: baked goods

You weren't mine to lose

4k | One shot

There's a Gallery in New York with objects from failed relationships and people that've left, it's called the "Broken Hearts Gallery" and when they open an exhibition Buck runs into a very familiar item that brings on a lot of realizations and new light on his relationship with Eddie, who he hasn't spoken to in weeks. Eddie on the other hand is trying very hard to accept that Buck's happy with someone else and move on, when he goes back to the gallery and find and item that changes it all. Could their broken hearts be mended?

Till Now I Always Got By On My Own ( I never really cared until I met you)

90k | 16/23 chapters

After Abby packed her bags and left, Buck felt suffocated by LA and the reminders of her, so he throws himself into his work until Bobby makes him take some vacation time, Buck ends up taking a small roadtrip from Texas to LA, until his jeep breaks down in El Paso and he finds himself pulled to his mechanic and his adorable son, and somehow finds himself staying in Texas trying to help them get a surgery for Chris, when other options don´t work, Buck decides to ask Eddie to marry him so he can use his insurance. Sure things can´t get too complicated right?

Tagging if they wanna do it: @loveyourownsmiilee @bitchfacediaz @katries @jacksadventuresinwriting @adventuresofprettyboyandthekid @fearlessdiaz @jobairdxx @elvensorceress and any one who wants to celebrate their own writing! Make sure to tag me if you do it <3

[laurenairay]

Freddie and dating someone who is very into the arts (music, theater, painting)

I love that you requested this anon because these are all the things that I love to do, so this is very self indulgent! It's also the last one I'm writing and posting for Sunday because i've literally been sitting here for five hours lol, but here we go!

I feel like Freddie is the kind of guy who would consider himself a pretty cultured guy. At the very least, he's European, so compared to some of the people he shares a locker room with he's got one hell of a headstart.

But then he starts dating someone who is super into the arts and but the time they're his SO officially, he realises just how out of his depth he is.

But Frederik Andersen is no quitter, and he's self-aware enough to actually enjoy trying to 'better' his knowledge on things, so I feel like he's the kind of guy who would 100% throw himself into learning about all the things his SO loves.

And Raleigh has more than enough to get him start, to dip his toes into the arts world as such, so he tries his hardest. Galleries, theatre shows, museums, dance venues, everything.

Okay, yes, Carolina Ballet becomes a personal favourite, he's not too proud to admit that.

He'll even attempt the pottery workshops that his SO drags him too, although I feel like he's the kind of guy who would rather watch the arts, instead of actually getting involved himself.

There are definitely times where he'd feel out of his depth, that's not in doubt. There are things that just go over his head or he can't quite understand what people even like about it or even there are things he's just bored to tears by. but he tries. he damn well tries.

He's all in, whatever his SO wants, he'll try it. He seems like the kind of guy who would actually look things up while he's on roadtrips and make suggestions for places him and his SO can visit (which his SO would definitely appreciate) and he'd definitely love being able to make his SO happy with these little things. And it definitely impresses his mom, at least, when she visits and he can actually take her places and know what he's talking about.

And the guys on the team definitely appreciate the recommendations for date nights, so there's that too.

So yeah, maybe this stoic ginger fridge doesn't look like much of an arts guy on the outside, but damn if he isn't now thanks to his SO. and he loves it.

[webofstories]

A Fool Like Me - Arvin Russell *Smut*

Summary: It's your first time since you wanted to save it for marriage and Arvin is ready to make it special for you.

~

Note: who next?

~

Warnings: fluff smut, praise, touching, oral (fem receiving), just vanilla

~

Everyone who knew Arvin Russell knew he was rough around the edges. He was like a prickly rose, only to others, the rose blossom didn't exist. Arvin was extremely misunderstood and you hated it, but in this car, wearing white as you observed him driving in his suit, you knew you had the blossom.

"Well," Arvin chuckled, cheeks pink as his tongue grazed over his drying lips, "Guess yer' a Russell now."

You smiled.

"Yes sir, I am," you giggled, "Yer' wife, to be exact."

Arvin rolled his eyes, but he smiled. He smiled cause he knew he had you forever and you weren't going anywhere. That thought alone made him the happiest man alive.

"Our honeymoon is gon' be in that cabin we found during that roadtrip." Arvin spoke, "It's a rental now."

Your heart jumped and your eyes widened, happy as can be. You were overjoyed, you loved that cabin, you told Arvin countless times about how you wished to go there for your honeymoon but you didn't expect it.

Arvin looked over at you and smiled, seeing how happily his newly wed wife was. It sent a shiver to his heart.

"Thank you, Arvin!" You squealed, throwing your arms around his torso as he smiler, "Oh, thank you!"

His scent wrapped around you like a blanket, keeping you warm as your body pressed against his. Arvin put an arm around you and back on the wheel. He loved your body on his.

You knew what I meant to be married now. You were each other's forever- no leaving. No giving up and quiting, things were all together now. That means becoming even more.

You and Arvin have only had intimate make outs and a little bit of undressing, but when it got serious, Arvin always stopped it because he knew you wanted to wait until marriage. 3 years later and it's finally here, you just didn't know how Arvin felt.

It wasn't long until you pulled into the driveway of the cabin. It was beautiful, red rose petals surrounding your feet as Arvin gently swooped you off the ground and into his arms. You squealed and fell into giggles, hearing Arvin chuckle at your reaction. You love this man.

Once you two were through the threshold, your eyes went wide. Arvin was studying your face closely as you took in everything around you, rose petals as red as Arvin's cheeks scattered in a trail leading down the hall with candles lit everywhere. Fire hazard? Maybe... but you were stunned.

"Oh, Arv..." you whispered under your breath, looking around in awe. Arvin awaited your next words anxiously.

"It's absolutely beautiful," Is all you could manage saying, so starstruck from the surprise.

Arvin let out a sigh of relief, knowing the time he put into making this happen in hopes you'd like it. He smiled softly and placed a hand on your back, gently guiding you down the path of petals as you admired the twinkling candle lights.

As you rounded the hallway, you stepped into a bedroom, a gasp escaping your lips as you looked around.

There was a giant bed with rose petals and roses scattered all over it, candles on the bed side table illuminating the room. Your heart felt full as you blushed deeply, facing Arvin.

"It's alrigh' if yer not ready, sweetheart." He spoke softly, caressing your cheekbone, "I just-"

"I'm ready."

Arvin's eyes went wide, positioning his hands on your hips as he stood infront of you.

"Ya are?"

"Yes, for a while now, actually..." you whispered, pushing Arvin's hand towards the back of your dress.

Arvin took the hint and gently tugged the zipper, pulling it all the way down before the straps were loose on your shoulders. Arvin eyed you before pushing them off, watching as your dress pooled around your feet.

Arvin was lost in lust but mostly love. Admiring your body, he pulled you into him, kissing you softly.

"Yer so beautiful," he mumbles, "Damn angel is what ya are."

You felt your cheeks heat up from the compliments. You watched him unbutton his shirt and toss it on the floor, eyes never leaving yours. You were in nothing but your undergarments, Arvin too.

"Darlin'?"

"Yes?"

Arvin grabbed your bare hips and pulled you into his hard chest. You smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck.

"I love you," he whispers, "More than anythin'."

Your smile beamed up at him, shiney and bright. There was so much love in the room that it couldn't go unnoticed.

Arvin had two protective arms wrapped around you before gently pressing his lips to yours, kissing you passionately.

You made a soft quiet noise against his lips out of delight, telling Arvin he could continue. He suddenly pick you up, wrapping your legs around his waist at you giggled. He walked over to the bed and gently laid you down on it before crawling over you, more laughter coming from you.

"Well ain't you just a giddy lil thing," Arvin chuckles, a smile on his face. You blushed, hiding your face in his neck.

Arvin's hands roamed your body a little, silently asking for permission everytime he touched a more daring spot. He knew you were subconscious and insecure but he made sure to put those thoughts to ease.

"Damn stunnin'."

"My pretty girl."

"My my... all mine?"

He had already slipped off the rest of your clothes, leaving him in only boxers too. You were beyond nervous and it showed, which made Arvin cautious.

"We ain't gotta do nothin'," he coos, pulling you into his lap, palming your thighs with locked eyes, "Ya know I'll never pressure ya-"

You cut him off with a bit of force as you smash your lips together. Arvin grunted, squeezing your thighs as he let out a soft moan against your lips. You wanted to show him you love him, not just to "fuck". You wanted to make love to Arvin.

"Please, Arvin, I want to." You spoke with a small smile, "I want you to make love to me."

Arvin searched your eyes for what felt like minutes. He was looking for something... hesitation, uncertainty, maybe even doubt. He found none, just as you expected.

You slowly slid your hands down his chest, lingering lower and lower, hoping to get something started. Arvin's eyes widened when he realized as he quickly grabbed your arms, flipping you over in a blink so he could hover over your naked body.

"Nah, hun," Arvin chuckled, kissing your neck lightly, making you let out a breath, "Tonight is about you,"

"Arv-"

"Hush now, let me focus on pleasin' my pretty lady." He smirked, making your down area tingle a bit. You bit your lip as you felt his lips kiss down your body.

Starting at your jaw, he made a line of soft, wet kisses to your neck, where he sucked on your sweet spot hard enough to leave a work of art there. He pulled back and observed the darkening hickey with a smile, glad to mark you.

"You're so beautiful," he mumbles before trailing kisses down to your breasts where he gently takes one in his hand and other softly in his mouth, slowly grazing his tongue over your sensitive bud.

"Ah," you moaned out, loving the way it felt.

"So good." he grunted, repeating his actions, "Love yer noise,"

You moaned again which only made him more eager. Gently trailing down your body with his lips, Arvin pushed your legs up and apart, leaving you to feel his hot breath on your core. You gasped, shocked at how good just his breath felt.

You looked down at his beautiful features and was surprised at how sexy the southern boy looked between your thighs, looking up at you for permission. All you could muster was a nod before closing your eyes and looking up.

The feeling of Arvin's wet tongue gliding between your soaked slit caused a high pitched moan to escape your lips. Your body felt estatic, breathing heavy already. You felt him lick you up again, making you moan once more.

Arvin grabbed your hips and pushed his face further into you, causing his tongue to graze your entrance.

"Ah- Arvin!" You moaned out, hands flying to grip his hair.

"Yer doin' so good, darlin'." Arvin spoke encouragingly before he continued to eat you out.

It was fantastic. Your heart was beating out of your chest as you struggled to catch your breath. You arched yourself against him, making him go deeper, erupting a soft moan to come out of you once more.

Right before you were about to cum, Arvin pulled away. Your core felt colder than ever as you frowned.

He positioned himself between you, face an inch from yours. His lips pressed against yours to create a soft, tender, loving kiss that had your body at ease. This love was only getting stronger.

"I'd do anythin' for you." Arvin whispers, staring into your eyes, "You know that."

You nodded, smiling at him as you cup his face in your hands.

"So, if ya wanna stop, that's fine," he whispered, "I'll wait."

"I'm ready now, Arv." You laughed to him, his worry in his face, "It's okay."

Arvin rolled his eyes but smiled, looking between your bodies before looking back at you. You were so close together, closer than ever before, and you loved it.

"I'm gonna go, alright?" Arvin mumbled, his southern accent seeping into his words, "It might hurt, but I opened ya up a little. Just tell me to stop and I will, always."

You nodded, smiling up at him and his support. In a slow, painful movement, Arvin pushed himself inside you.

You hissed loudly, face screwed in pain. Arvin bottomed out before stopping, eyes wide as he grew concerned.

"Are you alright?" He questioned frantically, almost pulling out but you stopped him.

"N-No, don't stop." You spoke, "Keep going."

Arvin looked hesitant, but did as you said. Slowly and hesitantly, he started thrusting gently, holding your hands in his. The pain you were feeling was hurtful in such a sensitive area, but you felt it fading away everytime Arvin pushed back into you.

"Keep going," you moaned out softly, urging Arvin to continue. His heart fluttered when he heard your moan, being less cautious and more loving with you.

His thrusts were slow and lingering, pulling out all the way before slowly pushing back in until he bottomed out inside you. Your moans and soft calls of Arvin's name filled the room as Arvin showed you how much he loved you.

"Ah- fuck." Arvin groaned into your neck, pausing for a moment. Even though he wasn't a virgin, he was feeling overwhelming pleasure from how tight you were.

"Are you okay?" Sweet Y/N asked, looking at her husband. He pulled his head away and smiled down at her,  kissing her softly.

"Yea," he spoke, "Just happy I found the love of my life."

You blushed and he continued his thrusts, making your stomach erupt into butterflies. You moaned out softly, breathing heavy despite the slow pace. But you loved it, you loved the love, the warmth, the feeling of home, all of it.

"I'm close, Arvin." You moaned out, gripping his hands tight.

"Me too, darlin'," he panted, "Just let it go."

And you did. Your vision blurred as your climax rolled over you, head to toe. Arvin pulled out of you and followed suit, a spew of soft curses leaving hid lips. You smiled at him, panting slightly.

Arvin fell down next to you on the bed, immediately hooking his arm around your waist and pulling you into him. You winced, feeling tender from what you and Arvin just did.

"Thank you," you said with a smile, turning to face him.

"No, thank you." Arvin said with love in his eyes as he caresses your cheekbone with his thumb.

You looked at him in confusion.

"For what?"

Arvin sighs before pulling you to lay on top of him, both arms wrapped around your bare body as he covers you both with the white sheets.

"For marrying a fool like me."

~

@mathletemadison

[devinescribe]

Stay High

Karube Daikichi × Reader

Based off this song

No, because It's a three am sad thought that should have been kept in my head. This is totally not based off of my deepest darkest feeling and fears. Anyways, ignore that. Um... yeah.

Warnings: Episode 3 spoilers, Manga spoilers, weed, smoking, suicide (this went darker than I intended, ok?), and another terrible attempt at angst :)

"Karu! For the last time, we're not getting a freaking parrot!" You scolded. "Aww, why not babe? They're cute," he said, pouting. You smiled kissing him quickly. "... I'll think about it," you said, before heading out. "I think that means we will have a-" "Don't push your luck babe. I'll see you after work."

_______________________________________

"And here is my attempt at trying to be nice. Happy anniversary!" You chirped, sliding a rather large gift his way. It had a draped cover over it, so he couldn't see inside. He looked at you suspiciously, slowly taking it in his hands. You had a camera in your hands, and we're smirking. He didn't trust that smirk. "Why do you have that camera?" He asked, nodding to it. "Just filming. It's a special day babe," you said, hiding your smile. "Can i-" "Don't you dare shake it-" He raised his hands in mock surrender, before slowly lifting the sheet.

You saw the smile that spread across his face. "I said I'd think about it," you said. He stood up, pulling your waist into him. He kissed you softly, making you smile in your head. "I'm guessing this means you like your gift?" You asked, a smirk on your face. "It's a fucking parrot, hell yeah I like it," he said. You laughed, pressing a kiss to his temple.

Tears blurred your vision, falling onto the screen of the camera. Had it really been a year since then?

"Ok, now I get to film you! Welcome to day 1 of our roadtrip, I don't know where we're going, but we'll find out soon enough," Karube said, turning the camera to face him. He then turned it to face you. You were putting your luggage into the trunk of your car, and looked up with a smile, giving the camera a peace sign. The parrot, who you two decided to name Nijiko after much deliberation due to its coloring, squawked on your shoulder. You smiled. "Yes, you'll be going to day care  for a while Nijiko," you spoke to the bird, petting it's beak softly. The bird shivered. "Day care? Nijiko day care?" It squawked, tilting it's head to the side. You nodded. "Yes, smart bird. Nijiko is going to daycare," you praised. "I sometimes wonder if she loves the bird more than me. The answer is yes. Yes she does," Karube said, laughing as you spoke to the bird.

"Update, it's been 4 hours, and we are in the middle of no where. The child(the bird) has been dropped off at day care... well boarding? For the week. The music's pretty good though, and this angel next to me is still here, so we're all good," he said. He was really serious about filming this. "Babe, why are you filming this again?" You asked, reaching to grab his hand on the center console. "Because memories baby girl," he responded, kissing the back of your hand as it was intertwined with his. You laughed, blowing him a kiss, turning your attention back to the road.

"Day 3 of our roadtrip, (Y/N) is deciding on what to wear, but as I've told her, she looks great in everything," he stated. You flipped him off, picking out something to wear finally. "Wowwwww, I can really feel the love," he said sarcastically, holding a hand to his chest dramatically. "Shut up, you know I love you," you said, rolling your eyes. "I know you do. Who wouldn't love me?" he joked. "I don't know babe. Watch it though, 'cause you're mine~!"

"Ok, it's a few hours later, (Y/N) is getting snacks, and I'm super nervous, because of this," he said, talking to camera. He pulled out a small box, showing the ring to the camera. "I've been documenting this whole thing like a maniac, because I didn't want her to be suspicious. But anyways, yeah... I've been thinking about it for a while, seeing as we've been together since high school. I am terrified, in all honesty," he rambled, running a hand through his hair. He put the small box back to where you wouldn't find it, but he wouldn't lose it. He saw you walking back to the car, and smiled. You opened the door, giving him a weird look. "You're filming again?" You questioned. He nodded. "You love the sound of your voice don't you?" You asked with a smile. He laughed, "Not as much as I love yours."

_______________________________________

He placed the camera was on a nearby fence post, facing you two, close enough to see and hear both of you. He started recording, and gave a thumbs up to the camera. You looked out to the water, admiring the hues of blue. The water crashed into the shore, spraying you with water. "You know when we get married, I'm definitely going to take you here again," he said. You kept looking out at the water, not noticing him. "When we get married? You already have this planed?" You laughed. You turned to face him, not seeing him at eye level. You looked down, and your eyes widened. "As I was saying, when we get married-" he started, getting interrupted when you jumped onto him, throwing your arms around his neck. You both fell to the sand, and you two couldn't help but laugh. "Are you serious? Like, really?" You asked, tears in your eyes. "Yeah, I'm serious. (Y/N), you've been with me for what seems like forever. I love you so much, and I want to be yours forever. Just as much as you'll be mine. So... would you do me the honor, and marry me?" He asked. He might have sounded confident, but he was shaking on the inside. The tears in your eyes fell, and you laughed nodding. "Yes, a million times yes," you said. He laughed, letting out a sigh of relief. You hugged him tightly, your head in the crook of his neck. "Forever and ever?" You whispered. "Forever and ever."

You looked down at the ring on your finger, crying even harder. His side of the bed stayed empty, no one would ever be able to sleep there. Not even you. His side of the room stayed untouched. The same way it had been left that morning. Before the accident.

"(Y/N)... I know you're sad, but this isn't healthy for you... just... call me back once you get this," Arisu sighed. "No answer again?" Usagi asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He shook his head. "She's been with our group as long as I can remember. And she's been... she had been... with Karube even longer. If it's hard on me, I can't believe how hard it must be on her," Arisu explained. Usagi pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm sure she's fine. All people cope with things differently. Just give her space."

You were most definitely not fine. The grief that filled you everytime you saw Arisu's name on your phone, when you looked at anything that once belonged to Karube.  For the first time in the past few weeks, you wandered into the kitchen, and saw the binder filled with the ideas you two had for the wedding. You looked away, tears filling your eyes once more. You couldn't escape the sorrow that had filled your life. It seemed like he was everywhere. Even when you turned on the damn TV the news was talking about the incident. The names of the victims would pop up with pictures, and you would quickly turn it off. You grabbed the folder, ripping up all the papers in there, shredding them to bits in a fit of sadness. You dropped to your knees, holding the final piece of paper. You sniffled, wiping your eyes, looking down. It was in Karube's hand writing, and you took a deep breath. Eventually, you would have to read these things. Eventually, you would have to clean up his side of the room. You decided to start off small. By reading whatever this was.

'I may not be good at expressing my feelings, and this is not going to be the first time you've all heard me tell you how wonderful this woman is, and how much I love her. It certainly won't be the last, if I have any say in it. To which I do. If I could go back to the day we met, and you told me I would be marrying her, I would believe it. Because I've loved you from day one (Y/N). And now, I'll have you. Forever and ever.'

- Karube (rough draft, don't let (Y/N) find this)

You whimpered, holding the piece of paper to your chest. This was too much for you. You needed a distraction.

"Eh, just give me the money, no one will ever know," the woman said. You gave her the money, and she passed you a bag. "I promise it gets better dear. And be careful with that," she said sweetly. You nodded, your face so devoid of any emotion, it was hard to tell if you were still alive. Your world felt so numb to any emotion but hurt.

The burn of the smoke in your throat was satisfying. For the first time since his death, you felt something. Your eyes lazily looked up, staring at the ceiling.  The smell of the weed filled up the room and you rolled your eyes. For once the pain was gone. You couldn't think of anything in the moment other than being hungry. The first time in weeks that had happened.

That was your new routine. Wake up, lounge around, look through the videos and pictures of both of you, get high of your mind. It was the only way you'd forget. Was it healthy? No. Did you care? Also no. You started ignoring Arisu's calls, messages, and voice mails. Leaving them unseen, and unheard. He was worried, and Usagi had gotten worried as well, even though she'd only met you once at the hospital. You seemed like a pleasant person, and according to Arisu, you never left someone in the dark that long. You would usually respond quickly if you weren't at work. But, do to the incident, there wasn't work for a few weeks. That made him worry.

When he found out why you weren't answering, he was shocked. Your apartment wasn't exactly a mess. There were a few papers scattered in the kitchen, and uncollected mail, but other than that, your apartment was clean. He was so confused, hearing you giggling and talking to yourself in your room.

He knocked on the door, opening it slowly. "(Y-y/N)?" He asked hesitantly. You looked up, your eyes lazy and red. The smell of weed in your room was strong, the smoke going out of the window. How long had you been doing this? Had it become self destructive? These were questions he asked himself before seeing you doze off to sleep.

"What the hell were you thinking (Y/N)! You can't- you can't destroy your life over it! I- I was so worried! I've already lost two friends, I can't lose you too!" He scolded. It was a few hours later, and your high had passed. "Why do you care?" You snapped, the conversation being boring to you. The hurt you hadn't felt in weeks came back. He was back in your mind, not as your wonderful fiancé, but as the man you had lost. The man who you had to bury in the ground. It was horrible. Your mind hated the images of his body, lifeless and devoid of his usual smile. You hated it. Absolutely despised it.

"Because you're my friend! You've been my friend since high school! I know it hurts (Y/N), believe me I know, but you can't destroy your fucking life and mental health!" He scolded. It was so unfair to you, in your head. That he was saying something like that. "You want to know what's really destroying my mental health?! Not having him anymore! The fact that he's dead, and I can't- I can't-" you couldn't finish your sentence. Arisu felt bad, but this was an intervention. He had to be a bit forceful for you to stop. "Karube wouldn't want you to do this," he said softly. You felt more tears fall. But you didn't know how to deal with this. "How do you know what he wants?! He's dead!" You screamed. "H-hes dead," you whispered, your voice breaking. Arisu hugged you tightly as you cried. "Can I just know why?" He asked. "He's gone, and I have to stay high all the time to keep him off my mind. Gotta stay high... all my life to forget I'm missing him," you whispered. It was true. It was the only way you could feel something other than pain. The smoke made your mind hazy, and your sadness drifted away. But it wasn't healthy. And it would never be. "It gets better (Y/N)... please, just... stay with me for a week. So I can have peace of mind?"

2 years later

You sat on the sand of the beach, the waves crashed onto the rocks nearby, and a breeze blew the salt water into your face. You looked down at the ring on your finger, sighing at the sight of the shiny gem. You smiled sadly, pressing a kiss to it. "Soon my darling... soon we'll be together again. Forever and ever."

Because the high kept him off your mind, you didn't learn how to cope any other way. The only way was to feel any other pain. You had tried to meet other people, but no one was ever as good. You couldn't even talk to other guys without feeling guilt. It felt wrong. It was like whatever you did, you couldn't get over it. At all. In fact, it had gotten worse over the years. Especially on the yearly anniversary of the incident. Reporters would go to your home and ask you questions, seeing as people had asked you while you were in the hospital. How we're you supposed to get over it when you were reminded constantly?

So there was no thoughts in your head as you walked into the water. It was cold, shocking you. If you didn't drown, you'd die of hypothermia. And that was fine with you.

Forever and ever, no?

Ok, ok, ok.... wow, wowowowowow, this was a three am sad thought that did not have to be written, ok, um wow... that was darker than I intended, holy shit-

I promise I'm done with the terrible attempts at angst, and I promise I'm working on the my other oneshots/books. It's just that when I have an idea, I need to write it before I forget.

Remember that people love you, even if you think no one does, I promise you they do. If you really need help, please find it, and if you would like, I'm always glad to talk to people if they need my help.

[demiemdi]

Blog #02

January 13, 2020

I've always wondered why does night seem so peaceful to me. Maybe it's the cold breeze that made it perfect, the noise of the busy streets, or the city lights that turns into a glimpse of the universe everytime I had the chance to stare at them. I'd always see them beautiful, despite the darkness it holds.

I don't know why does walking at the seaside, having the long drive or just walking down the silent street is such a dream. Is it because I never got to go outside oftenly that's why even the smallest things became so valuable to me? Maybe. All I know is that I consider these things at the top list of my dreams!

There are some times in my life (everyday) that I think it's the most precious thing I can do while I'm young, walking or watching the peaceful scenery of the shore, throwing all my worries and whatever I feel in that sea and thanking them afterwards for making me feel better. I can't even do that, so the skies do it for me. They are holding more than just my secrets and what makes me happier is that they never judge, they watch me cry to them and comfort me by listening. What a friend I got.

On the other hand, I just wanna tell you that I really had a hard time thinking on what I should tell you this time, what point of my life should I include here that is worthy to share, but I end up sharing about how beautiful night is, for me. Hmp, it's part of me too! I love how it made me look at life after my tiring days, weeks and months! Anyway, let me share some photo I've took during some of our long night drives.

This was took when we went home from Bataan, it doesn't look good that much in this photo but personally it looked dreamy, I felt the need to be a Doctor out of nowhere, maybe because I'm sad that time and currently thinking of my future😂 I don't know, but this photo means something to me, I'll never took if it's nothing so meaningful. But sure thing I can say, I was listening to Munimuni's Bawat Piyesa that moment. You should check them out, these beautiful people creates beautiful masterpiece and I can't tell you how many times they made it into my heart, there are uncountable times already. A must hear music!

Anyway, this one was taken at BGC last weekend. My family haven't met their sleeping mood yet so we decided to go on a roadtrip and we end up here. We got hungry eventhough we just sat there and watched how the cars passed by so we were up for a drive thru at McDonald's and went home afterwards. At some moments like this I feel happy enough, my tummy is full and I was engaged into another night driving and I felt like I'm free even for an hour inside the car, I wish I can learn my driving lessons soon, so I can run out of the house when I want to, lol. I'm so afraid my father will find out if ever I did, haha!

You know you shall never forget having that stereo on! Set it in the max volume and pull the windows down and sing your heart out on Love Radio, YES FM or by your playlist, anything will surely do!! I wish I have my own car and drive it all the way to mars, lol. This is also one of my dreams, to drive my very own car, sing to my favorite songs, windows down, and cry while singing. Yes, I must cry. Because if I finally had the chance to do that, it means I'm at my most legal age!!! What a dream😂.

Lastly, I took this photo around Makati because it felt nice. I don't know, it just felt like taking it as a chance while it's on a red light, can't tell anymore what I feel this time. Truly, every picture has a story just like how my phone is full of picture perfect memories I hardly can't let go of. It's just so nice taking pictures and making ideas afterwards, very life.

These are some of the photos I can share during the long drives I've been talking about a lot, I look forward to share some more during my driving lessons. I don't know if you gain something from this but that's alright, I just feel like sharing it.

To conclude whatever is stated above, I can only say that there is just really something about long long long night night night drives drives drives and whatever it is, I love it. I just want to take this opportunity to thank the skies, the rides, noise, freedom, peace and everything for being beside me throughout that journey, I know they get to be with me everytime, I just feel like mentioning them here because they mean so much to me. Thank you, without these things in the world, I could never see the small things that seem to matter the most.

Good night!