#I've been up for 24 hours as I had work yesterday but I managed to do my art marathon so I'm pleased as punch

[asrielpearl]

Happy New Year everyone.

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Note: part 5 of the Mechanic fic. this is just a little short chapter, but hopefully it will please you all the same ;)

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4

Warnings: very suggestive! 18+.

pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

summary: You have been in France for one month already. Your job kept you busy 24/7 and you desperately missed that hot mechanic you had managed to make your boyfriend before you left.

wordcount: 1,8k

Masterlist

'I don't care where we are or what time it is, I'm taking what's mine, whenever I fucking want it.'

*****************

Sihtric: can I see you? Sihtric: I really need to see you… Sihtric: I miss you Sihtric: PLEASEEEEE call me Sihtric: now??? Sihtric: I'm going to video call you now okay???

'There she is,' Sihtric smiled as you appeared on his phone, 'hey, pretty lady.'

'Hey,' you chuckled, feeling yourself blush at the sight of his mismatched eyes, 'I'm so sorry I haven't been able to call or video chat much, babe. It's been crazy here.'

'I know, don't worry,' he said and laid back on his bed, 'everything going okay?'

'Yeah, it's fine, but how are you? Your hair's getting longer,' you chuckled, 'I like it.'

'Thanks, thinking of shaving it all off,' he teased, 'but things are not bad here, except that I've been in a lot of pain actually,' he grimaced.

'What?' you jumped up, 'why? What's wrong, honey?'

'It's this… aching, you know?' Sihtric said, 'I called the hospital already, but they can't do anything'

'What? What do you mean?'

'It's like… this pain,' he continued, 'I mean… damn, lady, you took a piece of my heart when you left.'

'Sihtric!' you yelled, angry but relieved, 'stop scaring me like that!'

'Sorry, baby,' Sihtric laughed, 'missing you, sweet stuff, that's all. Is your flight back booked already?'

'Yes, I took care of it yesterday. I'll be back in exactly twenty eight days!'

'Can't wait to have you in my arms again,' Sihtric smiled weakly.

'Me neither, love. I hope time goes fast. How's therapy going?'

'It's going,' Sihtric said, 'still got one crutch. I can walk small distances, slowly. It's not much but it's something.'

'Really?' you smiled, 'that's so good. Proud of you, babe! So you'll come running when I arrive at the airport?' you joked.

'I wish,' Sihtric chuckled, 'I would if I could. But, hey, about that… the doctors advise me to pick up work again, and Finan is drowning in work, so I'll start next week. Just a few hours a day, you know? But I probably won't be able to pick you up from the airport. I don't have a car and Finan can't take any more hours off. I'm really sorry, baby.'

'Oh, no, that's okay,' you said, 'don't worry. It was really sweet that Finan dropped me off at the airport, but I can get back on my own.'

'Promise it's fine?' Sihtric asked.

'I promise,' you smiled, 'what other news have you got?'

'Hmm,' Sihtric hummed, 'oh! They found the prick who hit me and drove off.'

'What?! Are you serious?'

'I am, my love. And he's facing some time too. Apparently he was drunk behind the wheel that night.'

'Oh my god, Sihtric…'

'I know, baby,' he said, 'just don't think about it, okay? I survived.'

You nodded with a soft smile, 'I know. I'm happy to hear they found him.'

'I'm going to take all that bastard's money,' Sihtric huffed, 'you know, for physical and emotional damage.'

'What about the motorcycle, I never asked, was it insured?'

'Of course it was insured, lady,' he smiled, 'everything's fully covered.'

'Good,' you smiled.

'Yeah, can't wait to buy a new one.'

'What?!'

'What?' Sihtric frowned.

'You want to get a new bike?'

'Of course,' Sihtric shrugged, 'why wouldn't I?'

'Well… you… I mean…'

'No, no,' he said, 'look, I've been riding bikes before I was even allowed to. I'm not scared and this wasn't my first crash. Yeah, it was my first bad fucking accident, but it's not going to stop me.'

You looked at your screen, not knowing what to say, but Sihtric knew you were upset.

'I know you're worried, I get it,' he said, 'but you can't change my mind about this, I'm sorry, baby.'

'I know…' you sighed, 'when do you think you'll get a new one?'

'Soon. Hey,' Sihtric said and licked his lips, 'I love you, lady.'

'I love you too,' you smiled shyly.

'Come back home soon, okay?'

'I will.'

'Promise?'

'I promise.'

'No French mechanics I need to be worried about?' he teased.

'Absolutely not,' you laughed, 'but maybe that guy at the bakery…'

'Hey!' Sihtric chuckled, 'watch it, lady.'

'Or what?' you taunted.

'Or I might be facing some jail time too,' he laughed.

'Oh, please,' you rolled your eyes.

'I've been working out again, lady,' Sihtric winked, 'you don't know what I'm capable of.'

'Oh, really?' you smirked, 'show me.'

'You want me to show you?'

'Well, I haven't seen your body in weeks,' you hinted.

Sihtric grinned, tilting his phone slightly so you could see his covered torso. And he slowly snuck his hand under his shirt, shoving it up, exposing his abs.

'Oh,' your face flustered, 'looking good, handsome.'

'Yeah?' he smirked, 'want to see more?'

'A little more,' you dared him.

But there was no daring Sihtric. The mechanic was a flirt, and a confident one at that. Always had been. He knew he was good looking and he knew you liked it. So he had no trouble setting his phone back against a pillow, so you could fully see how he took off his shirt and then seductively ran his hands down over his muscular body as he bit down on his lip with a smirk.

'Sihtric, stop,' you giggled.

'Are you sure?' he smiled, one hand sliding down into his sweatpants, 'hm?'

Your eyes grew big, 'Sihtric!' you yelled, almost dropping your phone.

'Come on, baby,' he licked his lips, 'don't tell me you don't want some of this?' he winked and lowered his sweatpants.

Your breath hitched upon seeing Sihtric move his hands over his hard cock, still trapped in his boxers, and you couldn't keep your eyes off your screen.

'Are you really,' you swallowed hard, 'I mean... do you really want to have v-video … sex?'

'Yeah, why not?' he smiled, 'only thing we can do now, right?'

'I- I guess,' you instantly became nervous, but you were so aroused upon seeing his almost naked body, you couldn't deny the feeling in your core.

You quickly ran to your bed and got comfortable, and so did Sihtric, as you both stuffed a few pillows against the headboards of your own bed and sat back.

'Uh… now what?' you chuckled nervously.

'It's my first time doing this too, lady,' Sihtric smiled softly, 'I guess… hm, take your shirt off for me?'

You set your phone on your nightstand and wasted no time lifting your shirt up, but Sihtric interrupted you fast.

'Hey, wait,' he chuckled, 'take it off slowly for me, baby?'

You did as he asked, slowly revealing you wore nothing underneath your shirt, and when you looked back at your phone again, you saw Sihtric's sly smile was wider than before.

'Hm,' he hummed, smiling, slowly working his length just out of view for you, 'what I'd give to massage those right now,' he chuckled as he looked at your breasts.

'You mean like this?' you teased, cupping one breast and massaging your own flesh slowly for him.

'Oh, babe,' Sihtric moaned, his eyes intensely focused on his screen, 'yeah, just like that…'

'Hey, you can't just hide all the fun for me,' you frowned.

'Oh, you want to watch?' he laughed while raising an eyebrow, 'you're cheekier than you let me believe, lady.'

You shrugged with a grin, and Sihtric tilted his phone slightly, and you immediately tensed up when seeing his tattooed fingers work his hard cock as he watched you.

'Oh my god,' you sighed, a little lightheaded, 'you're so hot.'

'So are you, lady,' he purred with a wink. 

You were so desperate for his man, and you slid your fingers inside your body. Ever since the first time you set foot in that repairstore, you were ready to drop your panties for him. And you've had a few moments together, but you still hadn't had sex with him, and it was torture.

'I wish I could suck you off right now,' you moaned, remembering how nice that was for both of you.

'Mhm, me too,' Sihtric sighed, 'I can't wait to fuck you when you get back home again, lady.'

'Yeah?' you teased, working yourself as you watched him, 'you think you can handle me?'

'Oh, lady,' Sihtric smiled as he hummed, 'you don't know what I was like before we met.'

'Tell me,' you breathed, 'tell me what you are like.'

'I don't know if you can keep up with my sex drive,' he smiled and exhaled sharply upon seeing your eyes darken on his screen, 'if I'm in the mood, lady,' he husked, 'I'll find a way to get you right there and then. I don't care where we are or what time it is, I'm taking what's mine, whenever I fucking want it.'

'Oh my god,' you whispered, your walls clenching around your own fingers.

'Will you allow me to do that with you?' his voice became more hoarse with every word he spoke.

'Y-yes,' you moaned, 'fuck, I'm close, Sihtric.'

'Me too,' he let out a low groan, 'tell me how you want me to take you, lady. When you're back home, when I'm ready for it.'

'Fuck,' you hissed, 'I don't care baby, anywhere. At work, at home, on the fucking street, I don't care! I just want you so bad,' you cried as your climax approached, 'I wanted you to fuck me in the garage the first time you brought me home.'

'Yeah?' he growled, 'I wanted to, believe me,' his own pace quickened, 'I wanted to bend you over my bike so bad that day, baby. I would've fucked you so good, hm,' he breathed hard.

'Fuck!' you yelled, your climax abruptly taking over when you heard his soft humming along with his heavy breathing, and the thought of being fucked, bend over his motorcycle was too much, and you almost dropped your phone, 'jesus fucking christ,' you laughed.

'I can't believe you finished before I did,' Sihtric complained, teasingly, 'come on, give me some dirty talk,' he laughed, 'finish me off, lady.'

'You know I'd like to finish you off right now,' you purred.

'Yeah?' he bit down on his lip.

'Yeah, I'd suck you good. Taking you all in my mouth,' your voice deliberately more raspy than usual, 'I'd suck your cock real slow, handsome.'

'Ah, please,' he groaned.

'And maybe,' you grinned as you moved one hand up to your breasts, 'I'd let you fuck my tits, babe, would you like that?'

'Fuck!' Sihtric growled, 'yeah, I'd like that, baby. Oh, fuck!' he moaned loudly, struggling to keep his phone steady as he came with a heavy grunt.

You chuckled as Sihtric was trying to catch his breath, and he quickly brought his phone back up so you could see his face and half of his torso. You both couldn't help but laugh when you looked at each other again.

'I miss you,' Sihtric said when you both finally stopped laughing.

'I miss you too, so much, you have no idea.'

'Come back home, baby, I'm waiting for you.'

'I'm counting down the days, Sihtric, I really am.'

'So am I,' he smiled softly.

*******************

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[glassedplanets]

a chef and a swordsman

(yesterday i was complaining about not knowing what to draw and bacoose hit me with "haha zosan roleswap" and now i've been rotating this at high velocity for about 24 hours)

shimotsuki kozaburo fled wano and settled on what would become shimotsuki island, changing his craft from sword-smithing to knife-smithing

wado ichimonji is both the last "sword" and first "knife" he smithed, and would of course find its way into zoro's hands as a tool that finds use both as a kitchen knife and a weapon

sanji flees germa as a child and vows to never use his body as a weapon because that's what judge had wanted it to be, and after surviving being stranded for months with zeff, he takes up sword-fighting

i was thinking about a rapier but i think sanji would use a cutting weapon rather than a thrusting weapon so szabla it is + parrying knife

(szable were as decorative and elaborate as katanas and other japanese swords and were also used as a status symbol by nobility so it Works for the fantasy japan -> fantasy europe swap)

sanji's the one that luffy finds in the yard; they all find zoro when they end up on shimotsuki island, and that's where sanji fights mihawk and gets The Scar

zoro doesn't want to leave shimotsuki because he considers it his duty to keep helping run the island's restaurants even though he and kuina had sworn to find the all blue together, but watching sanji chase his dream rattles that loose and he leaves with the straw hats

have not quite managed to Rotate thriller bark yet. i think it would somehow end up happening in the same way.

[megumi-fm]

16th - 20th October || 86 to 90 days of 100 150dop

hi besties! it's been a while since i updated on here properly. there was kind of an infestation issue but now it's all flushed out and I'm back! i've decided to upgrade my days of productivity challenge to 150 total days because i have 40 days of uni remaining (as well as additional exam days) and I wanted to note all of them down and wrap it up in this challenge itself. I'm also gonna start adding memes and random non-productivity updates, just so I feel more motivated to actually post stuff, instead of procrastinating and clubbing too many days at once.

🎶: Hayloft II by Mother Mother 🔉: MAG053 The Crusader

💌: today I am grateful for music! i've been in a funk recently, but my playlists has really been helping me through it <3

my main focus for the past few days and especially today (20th Oct) has been to complete an assignment on 3D bioprinting and it's relevance in drug testing. I've done a lot of research and learnt a lot of interesting things, but my interest has also led me to getting too distracted and not actually wrapping up the project. I really hope I finish it by tonight, I like how it's looking so far.

i spent yesterday (19th Oct) with my cousins and my sister, I took them to this gaming arcade and babysat them for the day. they seemed to have a good time, I enjoyed a day out of the house as well. we spent so much time there, I managed to upgrade the game card to a gold tier :P we also had taco bell for lunch <3

the day before that (18th Oct) I spent a couple hours on my week3 neuroscience lectures. the concepts are comparatively challenging to understand, so i sat through them many times, I'm yet to make notes for them

on Tuesday (17th Oct) I had extra classes (booo it was the most boring time ever) and a dentist appointment after, so I couldn't really get much done. the dental clinic was just a kilometer or two away from home, so I just walked back, taking pictures of the greenery on the way

i didn't have uni on Monday (16th Oct) so I ended up waking up late but i did clean my room and chart out a work plan the weeks until this semester ends. I've been trying to follow it best I can but oh well, things keep popping up from time to time

in the midst of this I'm in the midst of massive nationwide cricket fever (the world cup is going on and we're doing really well! we've won every match we played so far!) It's also festival time here so I have holidays this week (we don't celebrate at home but my friends call me home and I get to partake with them so it's really nice). And this is coupled with my insane levels of consumption of The Magnus Archives Podcast 24/7 xD. Additionally, I have quite a chunk of AI-ML work to get done by this week (SGD and XBoost model development) and I don't know the first thing about it or where to even start so I'm kind of avoiding it for the moment. Hoping to start that once I'm done with this 3d bioprinting presentation. Fingers crossed!

[twstfournights]

A Very Important Update

Sorry for the radio silence folks, it's been what, two months now?

I am so so so sorry.

Development for the game has not been entirely halted, it's had to take its pauses. I personally have gotten a few sprites worked on that will be needed for the prologue, and was even working on the extra special cg that will hopefully set the tone for the game.

There's just been one teensy problem... my health.

For those who just want a quick summary, I've had a string of unfortunate health issues, that while manageable at first, has now led to a very severe wrench into development plans for now. If you don't want any details, skip the cut. Especially if you're sensitive to the topics of cancer and heart problems.

With that in mind, development has NOT stopped entirely. It's just made me more glad I said not to expect the game anytime soon. I still want it finished, God himself can not tear this game out of my hands. I just have to be a little careful with how I go about it for a while.

I see we've gotten so many more followers, and there are plenty of messages for me to parse through, and I'll be getting through those! I hope to be more active now that I'm on what we could call the road to recovery, and I hope to deliver more content to you soon. For those who want more in-depth answers and insight into what's going on. The cut below has it all. I felt awful keeping you all in the dark, and Salt has suggested I finally tell y'all. So here it is.

To start with. I have Thyroid cancer, have had it for a little while, and I'm set to begin the real meat of treatment and chemo and all its fun stuff within the year. With that, it doesn't actually impact my life too much. I'm more tired yes, and I can only really do things in my free-time on days I don't work, since I work 10 hour days and those take up nearly ALL of my energy, so far it's been a good cycle.

I've found my rhythm, and I was working on the game through it! ....So, what changed? About almost 3 weeks ago now, I had a heart attack at work. It went untreated since I was unaware of the signs of a heart attack at the time, and due to that, I merely just finished my shift and went home. Yes, that's right. I had a heart attack and kept working.

I know. It was so so so stupid at the time, but I was so worried about inconveniencing my coworkers that I stayed. Thankfully it was not a severe one, more on the light to moderate side. I passed out for a few seconds, but mostly just felt like my heart had been kicked by a horse, starry vision, numb left arm, the works.

The next day I felt so awful I skipped work, but the day after I went back in, still feeling bad, but due to how my dad raised me... If I'm gonna suffer, might as well make money while doing it. Turns out, I was nowhere near better! I passed out at work, several times, and finally decided oh shit.. I should go to the hospital. They were able to diagnose that yes, I had a heart attack, and that I probably had caused some damage to my heart, damage they at the time couldn't see, and basically sent me home with a doctor's note to avoid work.

That's fine! Just a few days off, and I'll be better right?

Hahahaha, no.

I kept continuing to pass out, and as the days passed, it was happening more frequently. I'll save you some time, I was in and out of ER's, and finally two days ago, I was in-patient in a hospital for over 24 hours.

They found out that my heart is seemingly fine, but for no reason they can tell at the time, my BPM drops below 50, and sometimes even below 40 when I pass out. Walking, standing, heck, even sitting, can cause me to pass out. And even just laying down (I was marked as a high fall risk patient so I was basically locked to my bed the entire time watching Bluey ((I may be someone who writes awful things but even I love Bluey))) I still continued to pass out.

Literally just yesterday I was cleared to go home, with a little machine patch on my heart, that will record my heart rate for the next week, and if i pass out, I'm to hit the button on it, and record in their journal what happened, when, and why. Seems easy stuff, and for now I'm totally home-bound. I can't even walk out to my shed without having a severe fainting episode.

There's just one problem, besides moving around, and I feel like such a weak Victorian maiden saying this. But if I get too wound up or excited, I also grow faint. I literally. Faint at the sight of ankles now. I am so weak and dying.

What this means for the game is a little rough, since the game itself makes me so happy, heck, just talking ideas with Salt has me bouncing off the walls, and I have to take breaks from doing so to go lay down cause I'm gonna pass out from happiness.

For a... spicy game. With spicy elements. It means I have to pace myself so so so much cause my ass swooning harder than the girls over Gaston just cause I drew Malleus shirtless.

Good news is with this patch on me, recovery should be coming soon, they'll HAVE to find something. It can't last forever. I initially had an awful arrhythmia, and that went away, so the future is open! They've already determined it's not fatal, so I won't perish, but if I do go...

I hope I go out because I saw a spicy fanart of Malleus and got so excited I passed out and cracked my head open.

It's the only way to go.

Thanks for listening, and I hope to be able to give more updates soon, on the game, not me, please do not worry for me. I am literally immortal until proven otherwise.

[lantur]

tw cancer, tw death, tw grief / life update

I was having a nice day on Saturday. I woke up, made a tea latte, did some yoga, went for a run, went to get groceries.

Around 3 PM I got a call from my mom and aunt, letting me know that the hospice nurse said that they expected my dad to have 24 hours or less to live. This was a huge change from previous estimates of a week-two weeks. Derek and I booked airline tickets same-day from Minneapolis to CA. Our flight wasn't until 9:30 PM.

We were at the airport, past security, waiting for our flight to board, when I got the call from my mom saying that my dad had passed.

I had prepared for this since he was diagnosed 10 months ago - I had prepared for this since he started hospice - I had prepared for this since the last time I saw him in April - but I still wasn't ready. I thought I was ready, I thought I would be ready, but I wasn't.

Derek held me when I broke down weeping in the middle of the airport. We flew 3.5 hours to CA, were on the road for another 1 hour, and got to my parents' house at past 1 AM. It was hell. It was a hell day.

The hell got worse the next day when we saw his body at the funeral home. I walked to him and automatically said "Daddy? Daddy?" like I always used to, and he didn't respond. He didn't say anything. It was hell. The worst thing I've ever been through.

My aunt and Derek had to go back to home (Pennsylvania and Minneapolis respectively) yesterday. My mom and I attended my dad's funeral today. Seeing the hearse, driving behind the hearse, was really hard. My dad taught me how to drive, and I used to sit in the backseat when he and my mom drove me around when I was a kid, and now I was driving behind the funeral hearse.

My mom and I were so nervous about the funeral, but it was beautiful. It was at a veterans cemetery, peaceful and quiet and beautifully maintained. The ceremony was beautiful. It gave us peace and closure.

My dad was 70 years old. He grew up in Chennai, India, in abject poverty, the youngest of seven kids, raised by a single mom. He grew up to become a pharmacist, and moved from a couple of decades of retail pharmacy work in India and Dubai and the United States, to moving to outpatient and inpatient clinic pharmacy management after he enlisted in the Air Force. He loved pharmacy so, so much. He was so passionate about it. His last job before he retired was an oncology pharmacist, at the same chemotherapy infusion clinic where he ended up receiving his chemotherapy after a diagnosis of small cell lung cancer.

My dad grew up in poverty, and his own dad was never around. He worked hard and provided for my mom and I.

I have had a lot of pain and grief ever since my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I could write for pages about it. All I can say is that I hope nobody has to see a loved one suffer and lose their life due to cancer, because it's hell to witness. I have the greatest empathy and love for others who have witnessed this painful process in their family.

All I can say is my only consolation is that my dad lived a long life. I know there are so many people who tragically die younger. My only other consolation is knowing that we are all united in grief, because this pain of losing a loved one comes to all of us someday.

This past few days, this past month, this past 10 months, has changed me irrevocably. I have new fears, new anxieties, new understanding (and fear) of death and mortality.

I also have more understanding and appreciation of life, how temporary it is, how important it is to live life to the fullest while we can, and how important it is to appreciate the people we love. My husband, my friends, and my aunt and cousins have been so supportive, carrying me through something so devastating. Even work, even my boss, who has been so understanding.

And to everyone on tumblr who has been so supportive during this journey. People who read my posts, who liked them to show solidarity with my feelings, who commented, who sent me messages of support and kindness. Thank you.

[bleachbleachbleach]

2/24 - 3/2/2024

For the last couple months, I've been working my way through Pravesh Bhardwaj's favorite short stories of 2023, and not enjoying a lot of them. Maybe Bhardwaj and I just have different taste, but I kept thinking to myself, "so what? why did we just spend this time with these characters?" or, alternately, grating at the "reveals," because I kept receiving them as weirdly trite. Trite in ways that I guess I don't associate with contemporary fiction. Like, ohhh he killed the friend for drugs! or She was in a mental hospital! Like, what is this, an episode of Law and Order?

But there is also a voice inside me that's like, I think you're reading these uncharitably, because these writers aren't stupid and don't seem like the type to condescend to the sensational and probably aren't actually doing that. Maybe it's YOUR brain failing to read for nuance. And in the case of "spending time with these characters," I was like, what am I wanting, exactly? A plot? A thesis? The former doesn't sound like me; I almost never read anything for the plot. As for theses, maybe?? But it's not like I wanted some heavy-handed symbol or Meaning-Laden Scene to come bursting through the door like the Kool-Aid Man. I like reading things that are just studies of a character's life. "People sitting around" is my favorite genre. I still felt like I kept coming up short after reading them, though, like, is that it? Is there no meaning to this? (Am I blind to the meaning? Am I blinding myself because I'm imposing some rigid set of expectations or "shoulds" onto things instead of reading openly and with some semblance of intelligence?)

I thought maybe I just don't want a short story right now, and need something longer. I really enjoyed the novella Make it Black by Andre Dubus III, which really is just a lady sitting with people and driving around. But even then, toward the end I felt like the meaning got a little too pointed, even though I've been grumbling this whole time about the ~meaning of it all not being pointed enough.

But then I was like, oh, lmao, you know what all of this actually sounds like? I'M PROBABLY JUST DEPRESSED AND BURNT OUT. (Cue realization hitting as though these things haven't been true for years, albeit manifested in ways other than these very specific ruminations on short stories.)

Writing-wise, I can only hope that what I am writing is also secretly good, like those short stories probably are. I didn't write very much this week, though I read the aforementioned Make it Black, and Chapters 86-88 of Bleach. I did write for a couple hours yesterday, which was a decent enough time. I found myself wanting to write a lot this week, and then not doing it. In addition to my generally just being a wet husk of a person, this week has been acutely sad. My sister had to put her dog to sleep on Sunday, so this week I've spent most of my free time energy being sporadically weepy about that and trying to send my sister long-distance love. It's one of those things where I was like, god, I really want to write, because I want to process this grief through fanfic. But after going to job-work and doing the laborious work of Being Sad, I was just like, I am too exhausted to do anything else, I barely did THOSE things.

I was struggling to remember what, exactly, I wrote yesterday--because it continues to be drop-in scenes in the Hisagi chapter--but it looks like it was some overwrought Hisagi thoughts about Matsumoto I'll probably delete, some Hitsugaya paragraphs that took 19 years to write apiece, some jinzen lore, and this exchange between Hisagi and Rukia:

“We’re not going anywhere. No one’s going anywhere. Just rest,” Hisagi says. How he manages to make the truth sound so unconvincing is beyond him. There’s an unbridled terror in her eyes that Hisagi does not know how to handle. The 4th makes it look so easy.

Kuchiki locks onto Hisagi. Maybe she can see his terror, too. He watches as hers closes itself behind an impassive mask, eyes hardening into dark stones. She, too, makes it look easy, though the green tinge to her cheeks and the new beads of sweat at her brow, already weeping down her temples, betray her.

“The thing I did with the hell butterfly. That’s what you’re feeling. It should help. It will help.” Hisagi tries to sound as reassuring as possible.

Kuchiki looks less than reassured, though more put out by the notion than terrified by it. So there’s that.

"In the Living World, Kurosaki Isshin is a human doctor. But I also saw him successfully operate on a dog once," Kuchiki informs him. “He was very good at it. Even so, I don’t know that I would expect a dog doctor to operate on a human.”

It’s unclear whether the statement is encouragement or insult, but Hisagi has published enough Kuchiki poetry to know that it is likely intended as both.

“Akon handled the actual surgery,” Hisagi offers.

This Kuchiki cannot be won over. “Perhaps it would suffice if it were Ichigo. If Ichigo needed the operation, I mean. He’s very good at that.”

“At... being a dog?”

“At enduring what he’s given.”

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in - July 24, 2023 🎀

Day 2 was a little different than yesterday, mainly because I had to work an 8 hour shift today, and it wore me out 😭 I still managed to do my morning routine and part of my night routine, so I am really happy with how today turned out regardless!

🩷 What I Ate Today:

Breakfast - A two good vanilla Greek yogurt bowl with cacao and cashew butter granola, a sliced up banana, chia seeds, and some peanut butter! And of course, a cup of coffee and water

Lunch - Salad, topped with Tuna (mixed withavocado oil mayo), small pieces of sharp cheddar cheese, and shredded carrots, and a bowl of watermelon

Dinner - Low carb quesadilla, three air fried Tyson chicken strips, more watermelon, and another coffee

Other - I tried these new electrolyte tablets that were recommended to me, and while I did not like the taste, I noticed a difference in my energy and how I overall felt going back to work after lunch

Water - currently 72oz, but I have another bottle of water on my desk that I plan on finishing by the time I go to sleep

🩷 Workout - Pilates Abs + Nighttime Stretches

This was the first one I *attempted*, and I found it a bit difficult to keep up with mainly because it was my first day back to exercising after a three week break. I did enjoy the format and the exercises were pretty beginner friendly! 8.2/10

This is the next one I did and I really enjoyed it! I loved the movements themselves and while I do wish it had actually been 10 minutes, it was super easy on the body! 9.7/10, I recommend

I had to stop halfway through this one because I am not fit enough to keep up with a chloe ting ab video just yet, although I loved the exercises included and I absolutely love her vibe in all her videos! 8/10

I ended the night with the same stretch video as I like the hip stretching, and it's currently a bit of a challenge since I'm not very flexible right now. 9.3/10

Tomorrow - Lower Body Pilates!

🩷 Habits I Accomplished Today

Made my bed this morning

Did morning and night skincare

Guided journal morning and night

Stretch 5+ min before bed

Read 10+ pages of a book

Workout for 30+ min

Still need to work on morning meditation and doing my daily journaling, but I'm proud of what I've kept up with so far!

🩷 Song of the Day: Up! - Kep1er

🩷 Current Read: Atomic Habits by James Clear

Overall, Day 2 is considered a success! I can't wait for tomorrow, I genuinely look forward to the things I get to do each day, especially now that I'm on this journey and documenting it. I look forward to being able to look back one day and be proud of how far I've come!

Til tomorrow!!

[1980s-jean-ralphio]

I've been trying to clean my bathtub since I woke up yesterday morning but I instantly forget about it each time I leave the bathroom. even when i left the bathroom specifically to get the cleaning supplies from the closet, i forgot.

Every time I went into my bathroom yesterday and looked at the tub it was "SHIT, the tub!" but then I would leave the room and that was it.

I wasn’t even procrastinating or trying to put it off. If i was not physically looking at that tub it wasn’t a even a registered thought in my brain.

I even set a reminder on my phone! I have to do that with most things. But my husband (who's out of town) facetimed me right after it went off and when we hung up I couldn't remember what I had been feeling motivated about before he called me.

Now it's 6:15 the next morning. I'm getting ready for work, walked into the bathroom, and saw my dirty tub again. I have still not managed to start this stupid 15 minute task after 24 fucking hours and feel like the biggest fucking failure.

anyway lmao have a good day everyone

[hexfloog]

Re: 2024 Dental Fundraiser (closed on 02/10/24)

Update below the break!

First and foremost... thank you all so very, very much for your generosity ;^; <3 Between ko.fi, commissions, and selling collectibles I managed to get pretty close to my overall funding goal!! There are simply not enough words in the world to describe how deeply grateful I am for your kindness and support.  It helped so much.  It stung to hand over so much money at once but it would have stung even more if more of it was borrowed.

So the big appointment was yesterday. I really don't remember much, lol, which is what was promised. Around 8 AM they gave me three pills, put a blanket on and told me to relax, let me know a few minutes later they were going to start the work, and then... it was 1 PM, five hours later.  There was still about another hour's worth of work after that for a different procedure, for which I was awake and aware. I guess the sedation meds were starting to wear off, but they were still pretty potent; as I write this I still feel a bit off and will probably spend the rest of the day coming down from them. 

I have a follow-up appointment scheduled for tomorrow. It shouldn't cost me anything.  And even if it did, you really couldn't make me worry about it; I'm sore today, but only on account of the cuts on the corners of my mouth and my jaws having been open for upwards of six hours - this morning I had pancakes for breakfast and they went down painlessly!!  It feels like forever since I've been able to eat anything (let alone something sweet) without having to worry about pain!!!  I'm so glad...

I suppose my only hope is that I don't get ambushed by surprise bad news at the follow-up.  If there's anything to tell me, they probably wouldn't have told me yesterday while I was still in a drug-induced stupor, right?  I am admittedly still a little worried I will be told I need additional work, but at least from a financial perspective, I will know what to do.  (It won't be another fundraiser-- that's not fair to you and we all--including myself--only have so much to offer)

Speaking of the fundraiser, a small update there:

My shops (Etsy/Mercari/eBay) are temporarily closed, but will re-open sometime next week. I will not be retracting anything that wasn't sold before the end of the fundraiser, any funds received goin forward will go towards rebuilding my emergency health fund

My ko.fi is generally used as a tip jar year-round and so will remain open - any donations received going forward will also go towards rebuilding my emergency health fund (the goal has been updated to reflect this)

Commissions received before the end of the fundraiser will be posted as they are completed. Even if I get a little slow I will always try to communicate progress (no matter how minimal) and the delay, if I get quiet please feel free to reach out to me!!

??? I didn't actually receive any print orders during the fundraising period so uhhh I'm thinking about how to approach this lol. I did say extras would be posted for sale after the fact, but I can't have extras if I don't have regular stock?

Anyway thanks so much again for your kindness <3 I really am so lucky to be supported by so many compassionate people.  I still have to be careful with what I eat but being able to do something as simple as drink water without having to microwave it first is such a weight off my mind. 

Take care of yourself and be well!!

[thessalian]

Thess vs Overtime, Day 3

Well. Not really Day 3, because I got through about five minutes before body and brain both rebelled and I just went, "No, fuck this".

On the plus side, I did get us to the queue being only 24 hours. The negative side? For ... I'm going to say about an hour and a half or so, I was doing it alone, or at least so it seemed.

First thing I noticed was at about half-past three, a half-dozen reports from Wednesday afternoon got tossed into the queue. Possibly more; I was working too hard to check timestamps for awhile. That's a Goblin trick - take some typing out of the queue to show willing, do something else (actual work or not) until she can more or less say, "Oh, I won't get these done; it's too late now", and then toss them back into the queue for some other poor shmuck (usually me) to deal with. Of course, these ones were relatively short, so she would have had plenty of time with a 4pm departure time (that's when her workday ends), but ... that's Goblin for you, especially when Scruffman's away.

(I should note that there were still ones from late Wednesday afternoon when I logged in this morning, but those were long and complicated ones, or ones from the new guy who is really bad at these, and in some cases both. Temp avoided those and got started in on the stuff that she likes better. She did that most of the day, as far as I can recall, picking and choosing so specifically that there were little gaps in the typing queue but the whole timeline of the queue went further back than it should have. I know why she doesn't take things in chronological order, but I am fed up with her entitled attitude about it.)

Anyway, when I finally got those done, I started noticing that the number of reports was going up with no corresponding down-tick of "someone else taking stuff out of the queue". That was around 4pm. Which makes zero sense, because Temp works until at minimum 5pm. I mean, it's possible that one or two got taken out while I wasn't looking, from somewhere in today's typing (not urgents, though - I was the only one who touched those, too), but I somehow doubt it. So I had to work basically on my own for about an hour and a half, with the only bright side being that we seemed to only have one person reporting towards the end of the afternoon. But despite only having today's typing left in the queue, we have more bits of typing now than we did when I logged off yesterday - somewhere to the tune of 260 reports.

I thought about clearing some of it; I really did. I just could not make myself do it. I got through about five minutes getting to the point of "Okay, it's only today's typing; we're only 24 hours behind now, at least" and ... well, I've been working at a pace that I shouldn't be working for days, I've been working hours that I shouldn't be working, also for days, and I am already suffering for this. But I also know that there will be people reporting over the weekend and it'll get stupid and my colleagues will still lounge around doing the bare minimum on Monday and I'll come back on Tuesday to a horror show because none of them fucking care. I have to pull a double-duty that physically cripples me because they won't work to any reasonable standard unless the manager is breathing down their necks.

I swear, people like them give those of us who work from home a bad name. They're the ones people point at and say, "Look what happens when employees are away from managerial supervision! This is why we need them in the office being monitored at all times!" And then there's me, who does work from home and doesn't need to be hovered over to do my damn job.

Part of me wants to do something fun, just because I've had so few spoons to do anything fun lately. The rest of me just wants to be a duvet burrito until Tuesday morning because I am exhausted, in no small amount of pain, and fed the fuck up. Well, not literally, because once again I was too busy working to actually get any food into me and this time I didn't even have cookies to shove into my face so I'm running on coffee and am honestly not in good enough shape to even contemplate food right now.

On one hand, it's the weekend, so at least maybe I can get some rest. On the other hand, I have a whole other week of this. Still, at least after that I have a week off. I'm going to fucking need it.

[myfearoffalling]

the way work has gone for me this week has been fucking miserable

if asked to think up the most frustrating, inefficient way to do my job, i would describe it exactly like how this week has gone

i had to hand type 2 sets of 40 slides worth of text off a draft (rather than copy/pasting) that later changed (had to redo sections) in the finalized copy (usually given to me by wednesday at the absolute latest, received it yesterday after noon), and now i've been told i have to change the background on these ~80 slides (by clicking and dragging the new one into each slide, rather than making the change once, at the beginning of the process, and duplicating it like a template, and there's no 'change all' option) and reformatting all the text based on that

and it needs to be done by tomorrow morning at 10 am, over a day earlier than usual

and that's not to mention the hour's worth of newsletter progress that got undone twice by the website being down and by a coworker accessing the draft before i gave the go-ahead

basically everyone's been so horribly disorganized this week that my week's worth of work, usually done monday-thursday, has to be condensed into yesterday and today, and i'm still being yanked around with changes and requests i can't possibly accomplish in less than 24 hours on top of all the other smaller tasks i have to manage, i'm fucking fuming

[wickedhawtwexler]

lmaoooo the medication drama continues and i have progressed past "hopelessly depressed" and have transcended to "uncharacteristically angry"

i'm ranting here because i've vented to my grandmother about this too much and feel guilty

ok SOOO yesterday. i got to my pharmacy 15 minutes after it opened to try to fill my new concerta prescription. they were out. but the pharmacist told me they had ritalin (instant release concerta essentially) in stock and to contact my doctor to see if they're willing to switch my prescription.

i got home. called my grandma and cried for like 15 ish minutes. THEN immediately contacted my doctor's office. 24 hours later i don't even think my doctor has been informed of this lmaoooo. i have followed up twice (nicely and politely because i'm not an asshole) and have gotten "i'll let you know what she says" kind of responses which makes me think she has no idea i asked for a med switch lmaooo.

and like, i am 100% not expecting immediate responses with this. i get everyone is really busy, probably even more now with the adhd medication shortage!!! but!!! i also know there are tons of other ppl like me who will spend time tracking down a pharmacy that has their meds and will be able to get their doctor to call in a prescription to the new pharmacy within a few hours. which is important because like, these meds are selling out really quickly!!! my pharmacist told me that in the 15 minutes since they opened he'd already gotten 3 people calling about adderall (which i have given up on finding anywhere for the foreseeable future lmao)

soooo i'm like. debating whether i'm gonna have to look around for a different doctor to help me manage my meds??? idk. i feel like i'm being unreasonable but i don't think i am, i think that's just my Guilt As A Default Emotion™. especially considering this is the second time i've had trouble getting a hold of my doctor for medication stuff. within the last month actually. sooooo that's cool

anyway. this all just sucks because 1) there's a good chance that once this prescription gets in my pharmacy will be out lmao 2) i've never even TAKEN anything with methylphenidate as the active ingredient (the active ingredient in adderall is amphetamine) so i don't even know if these meds will WORK for me 3) all the anxiety and hopelessness is destroying my mental health and i'm fucking up at work and it's gonna be even WORSE if i run out of my medication so!!!! that's lovely. everything is so great i'm doing so great :')

[creepygoth666]

Chronic pain sucks. The constant inflammation, the throbbing or the stiffness or the stabbing or burning or ripping or a mix of any of those feelings.. it just sucks. And having to rely on both Rx and OTC pain meds for management that barely do anything sucks, too.

Klippel-feil deformity comes with fused vertebrae, butterflied vertebrae, scoliosis, misaligned ribs, floating ribs nerve pain and pinched nerves and chronically tight muscles and tension headaches. Hyper joint mobility syndrome means at any given time, with or without movement, any normal act like reaching, standing, turning, laying down, walking, etc - causes my limbs, patellas, or ribs to partially dislocate which runs the risk of pinching or trapping muscle and nerves and veins, which causes tingling, weakness and numbness. PCOS causes the hormone fluctuations that contribute to weight gain and the inability to lose said weight. Endometriosis causes inflammation throughout your abdominal cavity, and sometimes higher. And adding menopause to the mix, with already out of control hormones, makes the inflammation and joint pain worse.

There is no day that I can remember that I have ever been without pain.

I'm on serious pain pills, too. Tramadol mixed with 800mg ibuprofen, or fioricet, or Valium. I do my absolute best never to take any of these together outside of the ibuprofen/tram mix, which was approved by my doctor. And I'm lucky to have one that will prescribe me these. Just not all at the same time, and never any refills, which means I have to ration and make them last.

None of it works, though. Heat and ice packs, epsom soaks, jetted tubs and deep tissue massages.. all of it. The meds and any of the other remedies only give a fraction of relief. But never completely.

I've had ringing in my ears from muscle tension and high blood pressure for as long as I can remember. The hack of putting your palms over your ears and drumming the the back of your neck at the base of the skull to get rid of it has never worked for me.

But if you actually look at me, outside of the slightly off gait (my left leg is nearly an inch shorter than the right) and the slightly off center angle of my neck (it is angled to the right, and my right shoulder is slightly raised so it looks like I'm constantly giving attitude), you'd never know I had any of this going on. I've lived with all of this since childhood, and I barely register some of the pain anymore (like the partial dislocations) unless it's pinching something. I gross everyone out by popping my arms back into their sockets without flinching or the crackle sounds of my knees or the pop sound my femur makes when it pops out of the socket, when I bounce my leg while sitting cross legged.

Chronic pain sucks, and so does the lack of understanding and empathy for silent disabilities and chronic pain sufferers.

All this to say I worked 11 hours yesterday and my body is still in extreme pain from it, 24 hours later, pain that exceeds my norms and had me crying on break and wishing Kevorkian back from the dead. And not because my job is physically demanding - I do medical billing, so it's a desk job - but sitting for long periods of time hurts. Even with ergonomic chairs and devices, and getting up and walking around or the plexus/chirp wheels, and the stretching straps.

Chronic pain sucks.

[kylie]

Hi folks! It's time for a slightly redundant introduction on a blog I've had for more than a decade.

My name is Kylie Robison, I'm a technology reporter for Fortune Magazine. Before that, I was working at Business Insider. Many of you on here know me as "preteenager," a URL I've had since the word was applicable to my age.

Many of you have followed me for more than a decade, and when Yahoo decimated this website, some of you followed me to Twitter. If you've forgotten about me since 2015, you might only know me as the person who asked how popcorn does that thing.

I've missed Tumblr a lot, I spent most of my youth reblogging late into the night until I hit my limit for the day. One of my most sacred memories was staying up all night on Tumblr just before my 14th birthday fiddling with my theme's HTML. That month, Frank Ocean released Channel Orange, along with a text post about his sexuality. This website was so fuckin good back then.

I don't really remember when I stopped being so active here. It was a slow trickle of declining usage through the end of high school, and everyone in my school started using Twitter. Over on that platform, I went through a few usernames (based babe, myspace mami, fijibongwater, molly mom, and of course, preteenager). By college, all Tumblr activity ceased and I started getting more involved in "tech twitter." I was studying business management information systems, and I wanted to get a job in developer relations. My audience became people in their mid-30s and on who wanted to support my professional endeavors.

Then, in my junior year of college, I joined a student publication called The State Hornet. I wanted to write about technology, and flex those blogging muscles I hadn't used since my heyday on this platform. I had an op-ed column called "kyliebytes," which ended up being my final username on Twitter.

Those articles got shared by those same nice people who wanted to support my professional endeavors. I also reached out to a reporter I idolized named Taylor Lorenz for advice on how to get into the field, and because she's so kind and I'm so lucky, she started sharing my articles with her thousands of followers.

Because of that newfound reach, an editor at Business Insider happened to come across these articles and a few of my dorky try-hard tweets about wanting to become a tech reporter. He reached out, I interviewed for an internship, got the job, and here I am today.

At Fortune Magazine, I write about the not-at-all-controversial Twitter. As a result of some slightly chaotic business decisions by its new CEO Elon Musk, I've been pretty busy writing about it every day while simultaneously growing a sizeable audience on the platform (mostly composed of people who just want to see what crazy shit is going to happen next).

The infrastructure there under Musk has been notably more fragile, and people (including myself) are looking for a place to move their audiences before things get too dire. Some have moved to Mastodon, which is annoyingly technical. I found myself really missing Tumblr, but couldn't imagine using a blog dubbed "preteenager" at the ripe old age of 24. I hoarded @kyliebytes and @kylierobison, but didn't really consider it further.

Much to my luck, the CEO of this site tweeted "if you have a ton of followers on Twitter and want to switch over and there's a held-but-unavailable username you want, reply here and I'll see what we can do." I messaged him a few weeks ago for @kylie but never heard back.

Yesterday, Twitter rolled out a controversial new policy that banned users from linking to other social media platforms. "Follow me on Mastodon/Instagram/etc at @kyliebytes" would get you suspended. Also, linktree's were banned, which is what I used to direct my audience to my articles and other social media platforms. It was a hot mess, and Twitter reversed the policy a few hours later.

In those few hours though, I was like uhh... fuck this? Let me just set up a Tumblr really quickly that serves the same purpose. I logged in, and saw that the CEO gave me the new username but forgot to respond, I suppose. A caveat to giving me the username: I have to be active or they'll take it back (or if Kylie Jenner wants it, probably). Fair play!

So here I am, a decade later, using my favorite platform again. I'm going to still use @preteenager to reblog shitposts and pretty pictures, you're welcome to follow me there. I'm going to use my cool new URL for whatever I want, I guess. Mostly going to be news, blogging, probably a lot of shitposts, etc.

I've missed you guys and this place dearly. I'm happy to be back with a very traditional and slightly cringe blog post that probably could have been less than 200 words.

You can also follow me at:

IG: @kylie.robison Twitter: @kyliebytes Mastodon: kylierobison@mastodon.social

[coolasakuhncumber]

Honestly, what a 24 hours to be me.

Work has agreed to take me off a merit pool I've been on since January so I'm getting a substantive promotion!

I've ordered a fun summer dress from Magpie Goose, an indigenous owned organisation that ethically supports independent First Nations artists, to celebrate and I've had my eye on it for months so yay!

In the promotion I'm going to get staff and be able to manage people and develop a graduate which is one of my favourite things to do because I so so believe in the development of staff, especially newbies

I've won a pair of NUGGIES (maccas nuggets x ugg boots)

My manager told me she's been giving me some harsh feedback lately and commended me for taking it with a good attitude and rising to the challenge and our higher up bosses have noticed and are pleased with development - looks like I'll be able to progress up pay scales fairly quickly

I did a job interview that felt really good yesterday

The play I went to last night about university student politics was super fun