#Imagine a game where these two survive till the very end

[xshinina]

A melody of your memory

[notallangelsaregood]

My thoughts on Spy x Family Chapter 82

Needless to say, (some real serious) manga spoilers alert

Oh, boy, I'm gasping for air. I'm panicking, and I've not panicked this much about Spy x Family since Anya's last hijack incident (which my heart has not recovered yet). Mr. Endo, may you, please, pay my cardiologist bill? I'm not joking, I'm hyperventilating, and my chest is TU DUM, TU DUM.

The mole was discovered! Poor guy (or not, who knows?). I wonder what SSS will do to him. How far will the organization go? I believe we won't even know.

I'm seriously nervous for him. Twillight is used to things getting on his way, with minimum complications and this situation is definitely not it. Of course, he could figure things could go bad, since It's a really risky operation, however, I feel his frustration in not getting much time to secure the real wheeler.

Damn, my heart is not surviving till the end of this chapter.

Our man got ✨ The Skills ✨ Still, all this shooting is getting me pretty nervous. I'm immediately getting my anxiety meds. Endo, what the actual f-

Yeah, Twilight is The Man! Still, my hands are trembling and so is my apprehensive cardiac organ. This is sure to be qualified as torture.

He is quite wise disguising as Yuri. Haha, got it? I'm not okay, Christ.

Damn, Yuri is very intelligent, as well. The brains had to go to one of the Briar's, am I right? (Poor Yor, I love you, It's not personal. Bad comedy is my coping mechanism when I'm nervous. I'm so sorry!)

He is right about that. Twilight is nervous. And I wonder why. Maybe because there's more on this game than before? He is a father. A husband. He worries. He is not the same he was before, as much as he tries to convince himself that he is not attached to his fake family dynamics.

I can clearly imagine his thoughts racing. He's thinking about Anya, about Yor, about WISE, while trying to run and get these thoughts away from him in order to not commit mistakes, like leaving a footprint behind. Just saying.

Oh Yuri, you are so sweet, in a way. And you know absolutely nothing.

The panic™  on his face. Poor Yuri, I'm truly divided right here. See? I'm calmer, not panicking at all, this is certainly my clonazepam working.

Quick (but important) writer's note here, I'm actually diagnosed with intense anxiety and use prescribed medication, I joke about it, cause It's better to laugh than cry on the reality of my condition, however, never use anxiolytic/benzodiazepines drugs without valid prescription and conscience, it might cause long-term dependency and tolerance. My Pharmacy academic self felt the need to point this out. Moving on!

By the way, have you noticed the "waver"? Twilight is hesitating, deeply, which makes him more prone to aiming wrong. Haha, ha… I'm okay, I swear 😰

...

HOW THE FLOOF AM I SUPPOSED TO BE CHILL AFTER THIS, HUH?

Okay, two theories. I'm okay, I swear, my blood pressure is just fine.

Theory number 1. Twilight gets Yuri shot on some of his limbs, probably one of his legs, so our spy can buy time, run to encounter the others Wise's agents and hide. Gladly, he can aim just on the spot when no much damage is made to Yuri, even though the spy is extremely nervous. Twillight was totally not expecting to find him on that corner, and he knows that doing something so serious like UNALIVING HER WIFE'S BROTHER will tear her apart. Why else he would waver? He is the best spy of Westalis. He doesn't hesitate, but this is different.

Theory number 2. Which I believe is less likely, but still possible, Yuri gets our incredible Spy shot on some area of his body where the disguise falls off, and he realizes Twillight and Loid are the same person, but he does nothing about it, at least not for a while. Making him and the spy share this major secret for a while, due to numerous reasons, but mainly to protect Yor and take her out of her position as Loid's wife safely. But as I said, I find unlikely to Yuri shoot TwiTwi, even though the latter is quite nervous and might not dodge the shot. Besides the fact Loid has his arm aimed at Yuri first, while Yuri has his arm sideways, which gives Twilight an advantage in time.

Be sure to talk to me in the comments, I would love to hear what you guys think. Moving on to the last past of the chapter.

Lady Yor! Our grownup baby! She is still with the same outfit and hair down, so I assume it's late at night or afternoon, maybe Anya is already home or at a sleepover with Becky? Not sure.

Our poor girl is nervous due to Yuri filling her thoughts with the possibility of Loid cheating (which is dumb as floof, because he is a loyal boy) but still, even sober, Yor is worried. She cares about this family so much it probably hurts and confuses her. Her face on the left gave me chills, so much is going through her mind, almost if she senses something is wrong.

So. Much. Blood. I'm. Nervous. I. Can't. Breath. Properly. What. Was. This? Whose blood is this? (Not Yor's, I assume). I always count the days till the next chapter, but for this one, I'll be in severe mental pain until its release date. My mind racing like Yor's, wondering if Loid will come home late or come home at all.

I keep imagining scenarios where one of the boys gets shoot and the aftermath of that, Loid or Yuri at the hospital or being held by their organizations in order to get intel from them, Yor drying with worry, there are so many possibilities. This arc has been the most intense so far, for me, at least. I don't know how I will cope till June 26th.

What do you guys thinking? If my heart survived until now, yours will! Make sure to like, reblog and support my work here on Tumblr, I really appreciate it. Now I will rest, cause that chapter was (hell) difficult 🌹 (this post will be reviewed soon, so if you encounter any grammar or spelling mistakes, forgive my bilingual mess self)

[kemendin]

Epilogue

Or, I finished my first playthrough of BG3 and had many emotions (still processing) and many thoughts (also still processing), so here are some Kem ramblings on chosen endings and what happens post-game in Dhamari canon. Under cut because major spoilers of course!

So, for anyone curious, here's how things turned out, and these are fairly unsurprising I'd imagine:

Astarion did not ascend. I tried it for kicks, and I hated his ascended self lol. And Dhamari wouldn't have gone for the 'replace one tyrant with another' idea.

Gale did not claim godhood, BUT nor did he actually give the crown to Mystra - it was left in the sea. As Dhamari said, "If Mystra wants it, she can damn well fish it out herself."

Wyll became the Blade of Avernus, and went romping back to the Hells with Karlach. Go be badasses, guys!!

Lae'zel became the new Comet, and went sailing off to be the saviour of her people.

Shadowheart turned her back on Shar and went off to explore Faerûn and her new faith in Selûne (and got custody of the owlbear).

As for Dhamari and Gale... I had to do a lot of pondering on their ending, both in terms of in-game choices and how things ACTUALLY play out in my brain. While I’m very entertained by the idea of ‘Professor Dekarios’ I don’t think Dhamari is cut out for city life. So the short answer is, I went with the ‘I’ll marry you but I won’t live in Waterdeep’ option and they go off adventuring again instead.

The long version is, of course, more complicated:

Initially Dhamari is all 'yes of course I'll marry you and go back to Waterdeep with you' because frankly he's got no idea what to do with himself post-Netherbrain destruction. But that goes kinda not too well overall, for several reasons:

a) He really has no idea what he's getting into with the whole wedding business, because drow don't DO that. So while Gale's making all these plans and sending out multitudes of invitations, Dhamari's list consists of Wyll, who can't come, and Jaheira, who probably could, and he's just very overwhelmed by all the grand ceremony notions.

b) He's jealous of now having to share Gale with Tara and Mrs Dekarios and probably half of Waterdeep, because Gale's of course rather well known, and even more so after saving Baldur's Gate. Gale knows everyone and Dhamari knows no one, and he feels like he's being perceived as this odd little drow blemish on the local wizard celebrity (whether or not this is actually true is up for debate).

c) After the relief of no longer having a brain death sentence and the pressure of saving the world wears off, and he's had a little chill time, he starts feeling incredibly restless again. He's never had a point in his life till now where he wasn't scared or in danger or both - he has no idea how to live a life that doesn't involve fighting to survive. Unfortunately, in absence of obvious threats, he ends up on some mental level fighting Gale instead - lashing out with confusions and uncertainties he doesn't know how to cope with.

So within a month or so things get very tense between them, because Dhamari is rather terrible at communicating his problems to other people, but eventually they're forced to hash all this out. The end results are: a much smaller wedding than originally planned, Gale declining the offer to take a teaching post at Blackstaff Academy, and soon after the wedding they pack up and go adventuring again for a while so they can spend some time together that's ACTUALLY just the two of them.

At some point - dunno yet if it's pre- or post-epilogue reunion get-together - Dhamari visits with Jaheira, and she invites him to join the Harpers. Dhamari's felt a sort of half-conscious connection with the Harpers for a WHILE now, since finding the executed patrol of them in Grymforge (that's a whole other ramble/fic in process lol) and so when Jaheira makes this offer he's like '...huh yeah I could do that'. It gives him a much needed sense of purpose in life, gets him out and about and not quite so latched onto Gale every hour of the day. So when he and Gale take breaks from adventures and chill in Waterdeep for a bit, Gale can be doing his wizardy stuff with his wizardy friends, and Dhamari does whatever Harper business needs doing around the city.

So things aren't always perfect between them, and frankly these two will always find something to argue about because they ARE such different people. But they love each other, and they learn from each other, and as far as they're concerned - it's a happy ending.

Random tidbit - I really like that in the route I chose, Gale retains the mark of the orb. I think that despite what it was - a death sentence - Dhamari's actually rather fond of it aesthetically, and even sees it as a reminder - to both of them - that Gale survived. That Gale chose Dhamari, chose life, and it was the right choice.

[inexplicablymine]

2023 Writing Roundup

Thank you to @welcometololaland @cha-melodius @kiwiana-writes @three-drink-amy and @rmd-writes @orchidscript for the tags, it was a fruitful year for my first toe dip into fanfic ~ and it will end with quite the bang as well (hence why I’m putting off my 2023 fic wrapped until at least January 1st).

July

No Sense or Sensibility (RWRB, T, 5K)

How to win the newlywed game with your best friend with whom you are not even dating (yet)

Uncut Not Uncultured (RWRB, E, 6K)

Alex never thought about if Henry was uncut down there… but now it’s all he can think about

August

The month in which I disappeared from all internet for three weeks to enjoy one of my other loves in this life with no service!

September

- Mr BodyPillow (RWRB, T, 21K)

The adventures of Ace Alex finding love, cuddles, and assurance from Henry

October

- They Were Tentmates! (RWRB, M, 4K)

What happens when you are forced to share a tent (and a sleeping bag) with your nemesis

- Because I’m a Scoundrel (RWRB, E, 8K)

Olympic athletes! TIME Gala at the White House! Mistaken couples costumes!

November

- Mr Party Hardy (RWRB, T, 7K)

A Mr. BodyPillow follow up exploring Alex’s relationships with parties pre and post Henry

- Minty Fresh (RWRB, G, 2K)

An illustrated story of their relationship to proposal one gum wrapper at a time

- No Nut November (RWRB, E, 10K)

Can the boys survive No Nut November? Not without a lot of innuendos that’s for sure.

December

- No Laughing Matter (RWRB, T, 3K)

Alex is the dental hygienist who helps with Henry’s Wisdom Teeth removal. It’s just as funny as you imagine.

To be posted before the end of the year :)

Super Six and the Sirens Call (RWRB, T, 111K, 20th)

Camp Halfblood meet the Super Six, a quest of the likes you have never seen before

Not So Silent Night (RWRB, E, TBD, 21st)

Alex is sick and tired of his piano playing neighbor, but what happens when they get stuck in an apartment together on the longest night of the year?

Messiah (RWRB, M, TBD, 25th)

Two boys, two instruments, two churches. Midnight mass and a very religious experience between the two of them

Fifteen Hours Till Forever (RWRB, M, TBD, 25th)

A firstprince canon compliant wedding weekend

Balls to the Wall (RWRB, T, TBD, 26th)

The story of how Alex spent a night in college in the drunk tank… even though he was never drunk

Glitter Bomb (RWRB, E, TBD, 27th)

Alex comes wrapped in a bow for Henry… and in some glitter

Where Is My SuperSuit (RWRB, M, TBD, 28th)

A four way love square between two super powered idiots

3/4th Cup of Love (RWRB, E, TBD, 29th)

What really happened in the kitchen when Alex taught Henry how to make those quiches

Sleeping Beauties (RWRB, M, TBD, 30th)

Alex and Henry attend the 2024 Met Gala as the muses of world class designer Pez Okonjo

Halfway There (RWRB, T, TBD, 31st)

Canon compliant demiromantic Alex realization contemplation and conversation

So much still happening!!! Will end the year with a whopping 19 fics and over 100K words shared. Spectacular.

An open tag but also tagging some lovely people to share what a year they have had!!

@adinarj @affectionatelyrs @anincompletelist @alasse9 @clottedcreamfudge @celaestis1 @cheesecurdsgravyandfries @celeritas2997 @cultofsappho @dumbpeachjuice @daisymae-12 @everwitch-magiks @firenati0n @happiness-of-the-pursuit @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @hillerskas @heybuddy-drabbles @iboatedhere @indestructibleheart @indomitable-love @jackwolfes @kill8a @lem0nademouth @littlemisskittentoes @nontoxic-writes @pirates-against-heterosexuality @roseapothecary @rockyroadkylers @read-and-write- @smc-27 @saintlynomenclature @three-drink-amy @tintagel-or-cockleshells @thinkof-england @vonpeepsisback @wordsofhoneydew @xthelastknownsurvivorx @zwiazdziarka

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Okay so. I’ve been playing OB! And I just got to the part where they discover Mc is the descendant of Human Lilith

Now my question is, does this counts as (The Mc and 7 bros) if they are relatives? Like a long line of lost nephews? Is this a Zeus situation where all that logic goes out the window?

After that, I don’t see them as datable anymore.

I see them at the end of the story visiting Mc’s house and relatives in a family gathering or something. Like their son/daughter just went to Hell and came back with 7 more uncles, the parents since then just invites the guys over for celebrations and dinners!

I went with the idea of a datable sim, came out with found family. Fuck! I love it?

Boom! So I'm actually officially??? qualified to answer this question! I was raised Buddhist & was actually good enough at the whole theory/concept behind it that I got the batch prize for religion multiple times/years (weird thing to brag about but my list of things I can brag about is v small so lemme have this one damnit). And reincarnation is a big thing in Buddhism so *jazz hands* yknow

I'm gonna answer this in 2 parts & add a bonus part for a "what if" AU;

1. Is MC Actually Related to Lilith the Angel aka The Brothers' Sister Lilith?

The Answer: No.

• Lilith died after the war. It's very specifically said that Diavolo reincarnated her as a human.

• Reincarnation, simplified, means that after a sentient being dies their soul is born again in the body of a whole new sentient being.

• Reincarnation allows a soul to live again as a whole new person with 0 ties to their previous life (unless the soul is born again within the same family). They may retain a couple memories from their previous life for their first 3-4 years of life* but that fades away eventually. They may hold on to a few characteristics but lots of unrelated people have the same characteristics so it's not a Big Deal.

* not sure how much I believe in reincarnation because it seems fantastical & a lot of this could just be childrens' brains being weird, imaginative and half formed but here's a few fun anecdotes of kids I knew talking about their "past lives"

01. My brother at age 3? would constantly tell us he was just staying with us till his real mother came to pick him up.

02. My cousin, an only child, would constantly tell his mother his older sister wanted him to change the lightbulb

03. There's one about my school friend (who currently may or may not hate me)'s little sister that I can't say because I'm lowkey scared she's got a tumblr account and on the 0.01% chance she sees this I might actually die so :D

04. I, till 4, apparently had a whole series of things I'd say about London of all places (I also constantly told one of my aunts not to sit in certain places cos there were ghosts already sitting there so I had a weird imagination so this should be taken with a boatload of salt); 1. Used to point at a very specific building and insist there was a similar one in London. 2. Talked about my dog Hiskie & how my parents? hid the both of us in the basement? when the police? were banging at our door - obviously we didn't have a dog or basement

• Lots of people see it as and call it "Rebirth" but I personally don't see it as that. You, the person you are & all that makes you up, dies. There's no second chance.* It's a way for your soul to live on but not you the person. Your soul gets to live on as a whole new person. You couldn't point at two strangers on the road and say "they're the same person" the same way you can't point at the person you were and the person your soul will become and say "they're the same person"

* In game, the brothers also see it as "rebirth" and as a second chance. They see it as Lilith surviving and living past the war. Which makes sense because;

• Rebirth/Reincarnation is not a phenomenon than occurs naturally in OM!. In OM!, canonically as seen in S2, peoples' souls are represented as candles that burn out. Once the candle burns out that's the end. Their soul is gone for good. Diavolo specifically uses his powers to stop this from happening to Lilith and to give her soul a second chance even if Lilith the person doesn't really get one. In a world where it's a known fact that once a person dies their soul is gone for good, finding out that your loved one, who died tragically and at a young age, 's soul got to live another life that was long and happy would be amazing. It would seem like that person got a second chance for real.

• A dog could die and the soul could be reincarnated as a human, who lives their life and gets married etc etc. This person is a human, not a dog in a human's body. (Though according to Buddhism you need to collect a lot of good karma to be born as a human & if you're a shithead your bad karma gets you demoted to an animal when you die* <- personally don't believe in this at all for a lot of reasons but mainly I know for a fact that there are animals living better & more luxurious lives than me so what is this bs?)

* 01. My grandma constantly told 5 yr old me that if I continued to blow spit bubbles I'd be reincarnated as a slug (this only made me blow more out of spite)

02. There's a saying? that you can tell someone who's pissing you off, which translated, basically means " I hope you get born as a dog in a shitty family" which I think is the funniest way you can tell someone to fuck off

TLDR;

* "human Lilith" probably looked nothing like Angel! Lilith, probably had a different name, canonically only remembered her life as Angel! Lilith when she died & her soul returned to its original state (she did have the soul of an angel though which probably affected her human body and which lead to MC's latent magic powers/why MC canonically doesn't seem to be 100% human/why MC's own soul is so shiny even though they're kind of an ass)

*MC is not related to the brothers' sister Lilith, so it ain't incest, if it were that means according to Buddhism everyone is always at a constant risk of accidentally participating in incest and beastiality which yeah....I'm not religious but good god would I fight someone who sees it as this

2. Are the Brothers & MC a Family - More Specifically A Found Family?

Answer: Yes.

• MC and the brothers are very much a family- more specifically a found family - something which is explicitly stated in OM! near the end of S2.

• Found families are as important as biological families. Their bonds are as strong, if not more so because they get the option to choose each other.

• But found families are gonna be messy because no one's gonna be actually related to each other & romantic and/or sexual chemistry can crop up. And that's normal.

• Depending on the found family, no one may take on more stereotypical family roles or certain people may rise up to take on those roles (eg: parental roles). With either of these types it's still pretty normal to date each other because they're not your real parents. Hell even normal friend groups have the "Mom Friend", that doesn't mean said friend can't date within their friend group.

• Most found families are friend groups who got closer and started seeing each other as family (it's also a very queer concept because lots of found families are queer people who came together because they couldn't get the love, acceptance & connection, all humans need, from their biological families).

• They're not "family" in the biological-related sense but rather in the "we care about each other above all else. we'll always have each others' backs. we'll call each other when we need help. we may fight but at the end of the day we love each other and will come together again". Again it doesn't mean they can't date within the group.

• In OM! however it gets Extra Messy because it mixes an adopted family and a found family. The brothers are a found family (the oddballs of the Celestial Realm who came together), but they're also an adopted family (adopted by Lucifer who saw them all as his brothers/kids) - the second part of this means they're actually brothers - they grew up together and are no different from biological brothers. None of them are gonna see romantic or sexual prospects in each other (with the exception of Asmo but that's just cause he's the personification of Lust + he always gets shut down by the rest).

• MC on the other hand is NOT part of their adopted family but IS part of their found family. MC's a stranger they met when they were all adults who became friends with them and who came to see the brothers as their (found) family and vice versa. This means MC dating the brothers would be completely normal and again not incestuous which I think is a lot of peoples' worry.

• The best example of a found family, with certain members taking on parental roles, that still has them dating/sleeping with each other within said found family is Community (the tv show which is getting a movie HELLO!!?!?). And this is an issue that community actually addresses in more or less detail;

Fucking watch this clip it's hilarious thank you

BONUS ROUND;

+ 1. What If MC Was Actually Related to Lilith the Angel; Would They Also Be Related to the Brothers?

The Answer: No.

• I've written a handful of human au! fics for the brothers and because of how short the time span in them must be, the whole descendent of a reincarnation thing doesn't work. Meaning I make MC a far off relation to OG! Lilith.

• For the answer to this question to be "No" you need to consider the background of two main points;

01. The Brothers & Lilith being an adopted family

-> Lilith & the brothers are canonically an adopted family. All the angels were created by God? presumably but they're not family/don't see themselves as family - the angels don't seem to practice family in the same way humans & demons do - I'm pretty sure the brothers are the odd ones out. Lucifer is the only one who refers to God as "Father" and Mammon canonically sees Lucifer as his dad. The brothers + Lilith are a family because Lucifer took them in one by one & referred to them as his family.

-> Am I saying being an adopted family makes their connections any less real or familial? No, calm down lemme get to my point.

02. MC's relationship with Lilith in this AU

-> MC (if MC was actually related to og Lilith) is a far off relation by thousands of years (my timeline between The Rebellion & S1 puts it at 5000+ years). Do you know who your blood relatives were 5000 years ago? Would you know who your blood relatives are 5000 years later?

-> To make up for the 5000 year time, in a human au MC would be a relative that's so far removed from your family that no one knows they or their own family branch even exists. It's doing a 23 and Me test & seeing you have some unheard of family line on the other side of the world. You're not gonna call them up and pretend to have some familial relationship with these complete strangers because not only will that be lowkey creepy, there's a high chance you won't even speak the same language.

• To make it easier to understand in our human lifetime perspective: Lilith and the brothers are part of a family where everyone was adopted by Lucifer (with only Satan being his biological son & only Lucifer being "God's" biological son). Lilith passes away and eventually the brothers meet MC who they befriend. Almost a year after they meet MC they accidentally discover that MC is a "so far off there's basically a 5000 year gap between us" relation of Lilith's. There'll be a lot of feelings involved, because Lilith's yknow dead, but after that's all dealt with in the grand scheme of things nothing's really changed. Lilith & the brothers' not being blood related didn't make them any less of a real family BUT Lilith & the brothers' not being blood related combined with how removed of a relative MC & Lilith are from each other means that there's no actual familial connection between MC & the brothers - they're not gonna look at each other and see their new sibling or something similar

Overall;

☆ Yes, MC & the brothers are a found family. It's one of my favourite things about OM! and one of the biggest reasons I stuck with this game for 2 1/2 years now (when a couple months is my usual attention span for games). OM!'s also the only dating sim ik of that pushed off the romance for one whole year (in game time) just so they can establish the found family aspect of it (ik there are lots of really good queer dating sims now - shoutout to The Arcana my love - but OM! is the queer dating sim for me)

☆ No, MC & the brothers aren't actually related and they don't see themselves as being related either

☆ Yes, MC can have romantic/sexual relationships with the brothers, it's nowhere near incest

☆ If you don't see the relationship between MC & the brothers as romantic then that's completely okay! While the events push the romantic aspect the main story lets you reject them and be only friends/family AND there are 7 more LIs available (though they are side characters & only get more screentime starting from S3)

☆ Here's more posts I made about Lilith that are related;

* I had about 3 more answered asks about Lilith's Reincarnation but I can't find them because the tagging system on tumblr is shit and I really need to make a masterlist of all my posts before I lose my mind trying to find a relevant post. Anyway this ask goes the most in depth about all of it so*

Lilith, Her Lover & Reincarnation

Lilith & MC's Story Relevance to One Another

Lilith and Her Other Descendents

☆ Here's me being shameless, in my self promotion, with a Lilith centered fic;

Speaking to Myself

7 brothers seek comfort from the grave of their long lost sister, a human lives and breathes just floors above them

[sleepdeprivedandoverthinking]

Random headcanons of my twst ocs.

Most are very random.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Jazmi used to watch those eating challenge videos when she was 9-13, and would watch them while eating. Besides watching Rollercoaster death videos or Rollercoaster accident videos, she wouldn't watch anything else.

2. Sapphire was prone to eating a LOT of weird things as a child, and was not limited to throwing up on poor Estella when they didn't agree with his stomach.

3. Mouse has eaten roadkill before.

4. Amor tried to take selfies of himself in the bathroom before, and accidentally tripped and smashed his head against the mirror and broke it. He refuses to acknowledge it happened or that he did it, even though Ivy was in the bathroom when it happened and constantly brings it up when he sees Amor posting on social media.

5. No alarm in the fucking WORLD will wake Kaba up, not even an earthquake, not even those ear piercingly loud ones that could wake up satan himself. An explosion could go off, and she wouldn't move a muscle.

6. Mouse ate Neige's makeup a lot when they were little. They also ate pretty much anything they could fit in their mouth.

7. After a basketball game, Lux tried to slap Azira's back, and Azira quickly dodged it, and they ended up smacking themself in the face full force.

8. Sapphire constantly tries to give/feed Faira cat nip to see what'll happen.

9. Poison drinks copious amounts of coffee and will even eat handfuls of straight up coffee beans. They drank so much one time, they physically started to shake and vibrate for three hours, then when it wore off he passed out and didn't move from his position for a solid 14 hours.

10. Sting likes to trap bugs in cups and containers, and spray them with bug spray till they die. She also enjoys burning them with magnifying glasses, or using lighter and hair spray to light them on fire.

11. Lux was dropped on accident as a baby once. Ace did it, and has never told anyone, and often thinks to himself that it's the reason Lux acts the way he is now.

12. Faira has owned over ten birds, and they keep dying in the weirdest ways imaginable. The last one died because Che'nya went to feed it, it got scared and had a heart attack, and died. Faira now brings his bird to school and keeps it in his room.

13. Virsk has a huge social media platform.

14. The only time Crystal has ever gone on a roller coaster was when she was eleven, and her harness broke and she almost fell out of the cart when it made a loop. She now cries at any mention of going on a roller coaster.

15. Lilith got a coat hanger stuck in Aba's eye when they were 8 and 7.

16. Toxic will shock Kaba with electricity out of no where, and she can't do shit because she knows he won't stop.

17. Azira has peppersprayed Ivy before because he wouldn't go away. Ivy wasn't even asking him out or trying to flirt, he was just being annoying.

18. Glitch is not allowed on Twitter.

19. Sometimes the shadows will just tease Spider, liking to annoy them whether than threaten their life because it amuses them more. They've jumpscared them in the shower, flipped over their bed at night, hid and stolen their shit in the most obscure places, whispered in their ear that they're gay nonstop, and made their food vanish.

20. Lux stole one of Amor's scarfs, and put it on a teddy bear he would practice flirting with. Amor only found out about this when MC posted a video on snapchat (Or whatever the magic equivalent is) of Lux flirting with the bear, and had the caption "Rizz" on it. Note, MC had no idea what this word meant at the time but had heard it before. Lux proceeded to throw away the scarf when he found out, and now none of them talk about it.

21. Quin ate many strange things as a child, and has miraculously survived. These items include three buttons, 28 sewing needles Crewel owned, a patch of fabric, three sticks, the ink in an ink pen, two double A batteries, multiple hair pins, the liquid inside Crewel's eyeliner, Multiple cigarette buds, and multiple coins.

22. Ivy caught Dove kissing a mop before to practice kissing when they were younger, and he laughed so hard he nearly peed himself.

23. Harvest refuses to do Kahoots because Lux, Mouse, and a few other students have used the most obscure fucking names on the planet, to the point she couldn't take it anymore one day and had to physically stop herself from throwing a chair at Lux when he put "Jack Goff" as his username. She instead told the whole class the game was off the limits for the rest of the year.

24. Quin and Jewel have caught each other smoking behind the school more times than either can count on both hands. They just have a silent agreement on not reporting each other to Celeste.

25. Celeste will hire anybody. As long as you're not a bigot, abuser, or anything else of that nature she will hire you.

26. Emerald is wanted in multiple districts, and is banned from the Queendom of Roses.

27. Mouse knows how to speak to rats.

28. For the love of God, do not email Quin after 5pm. You will NOT get an answer from this man at all, and don't expect to get one unless you send it during school hours. This man is barely functioning as is. He sure as hell is not gonna give his personal energy to you unless he absolutely has to.

29. Virsk was changed from testosterone patches to pills after Idia caught him cracking open them after he used them and eating the insides after thinking it would give him more T.

30. Sapphire was an absolute LEASH kid. From as soon as he could walk, to the age of eleven, he had to kept on a leash if he wasn't being held. He's had four leashes throughout this time, and Vil has had to replace two of them because he chewed through them, the other one got lost when Rook let go of him by accident for two seconds and he ran off, and when Rook found him the leash was no where to be found.

[thecompletebookworm]

My two sisters and I watch Stranger Things together and unfortunately they both have work today. We squeezed in the S4E8 before their shift, but will have to wait to watch the finale till 11 PM tonight. In the meantime, I will be ranking how likely I think a character is going to die out of 10. There was a tweet a while back from the Duffer Brothers about this season having consequences and this two major character deaths. (I don’t have the exact wording and I sure as hell am not going on twitter to check). But point was we know someone’s going to die so in this torturous wait, I’m guessing whom. Please no spoilers in the replies or reblogs.

The Kiddos

El: 8 She’s always going to be at the thick of things. She’s seen as the only hope since she forced Henry into the Upside Down the first time. Pretty sure she’s going to just go into a coma but death is a possibility.

Mike Wheeler: 7 The love confession from Will was very emotional. Lots of feelings all around if “the heart of the group” dies. Also Nancy’s vision which was meant to frighten her specifically included her mom and Mike’s deaths. I don’t like him so probably higher rating than it strictly needs to be, but still solid odds.

Will Byers: 5 I think possession by Vecna is far more likely than death and that he would be a more symbolic death in the final season. (Unclear if Season 5 is the last one but point is the show starts with his disappearance and should end with his death.)

Dustin Henderson: 9.5 I am pretty certain Dustin is either going to die or almost die and be saved last minute by Erica based on the Hellfire D&D game. Also the moment when Eddie told him to always stay like this made my brain go he can stay like that if he’s dead. Plus he’s the guy who puts things together for them; imagine the consequences of not having that next season. Points in favor of his survival: he’s such a fan favorite I feel like I already would have been spoiled if it happened, he was the first kid cast and really helps with the unity of the group.

Lucas Sinclair: 8 This ranking largely inspired by my middle sister who feels pretty certain Lucas is going to die. And I sort of see where she’s coming from since he’s less a centerpiece of the group and his relationship with Max/all the emotional conversations he’s been a part of because of that make him a good candidate for the sacrifice play. (Plus I’ve gotten 2 spoilers from Twitter accidentally one of them being Max and Lucas trended. But I’m just really counting on that being from shipping moments because they’ve been so gosh darn cute this season.) I also firmly believe next season will play up the satanic ritual/witch hunt side of things now that the ideas in the town’s head at large. His place as someone who tried to play the middle ground with Jason and the rest of the basketball team makes that plotline especially interesting.

Max Mayfield: 8 Easily the most foreseeable death. She’s acting as bait in a situation likely to kill her. But I don’t think they’ll do it. It feels a little too obvious and I want May to grow and be forced to recon with Billy’s death and the overall trauma she’s been through.

Erica Sinclair: 2 Is my love for her clouding my ranking? Undoubtedly yes. However I stand by my theory that would happens in their D&D games is a reflection of real life. Erica threw the saving throw that defeated Vecna. She isn’t dying. Plus as much as I love her not sure if she would still qualify as a “major” character with this large of an ensemble.

The Scooby Doo Gang

Steve Harrington: 1 I think I read somewhere the writers love him too much to kill him. I could have dreamed it but I don’t care, my boy lives.

Nancy Wheeler: 7 I feel like it’s telling Vecna showed her his backstory. But there hasn’t been anything specific that makes me go that’s foreshadowing she isn’t going to make it.

Robin Buckley: 6 Her line about having a bad feeling about this is pretty much solely responsible for her bump in this rating. We also really haven’t seen her in fighting circumstances the way we’ve seen some of the others. Definitely think either she or Will can die but the other is relatively safe due to writers being conscious of the Bury your Gays trope and Will’s death packs the larger punch.

Jonathon Byers: 4 I can’t really justify this one. He’s driving to the action, pursued by the military so he’s not safe but in comparison he certainly feels like it. Also besides getting his life together to go to a different college than Nancy, no real foreshadowing or emotional conversations that would make me consider the authors were trying to build up his death as this extreme moment of sadness.

Eddie Munson: 8 He’s new so it feels like this is a toss up. His declaration that he’s going to be brave makes me think he’ll be in the thick of the action. He’s had emotional moments with Dustin that could be foreshadowing. Kinda think he’s going to be murdered by Jason and his crew though instead of Vecna. (He has lots of bad memories that could be used against him though.) Still waiting for him to sing while trying to safe someone from Vecna because of the mention of his MS band to Chrissy.

Argyle: 2 This man is the comedy, the automatic mood lightener. Yes his death would show that things had gotten serious but we already know they’re serious. On the flip side, minor enough that he could be killed with impunity.

The Russian Crew:

Joyce Byers: 3 She’s not in any real danger right now (besides you know potentially crashing in a helicopter.) Plus Winona Ryder has enough star power she could stick around for that reason alone.

Hopper: 2 If they really wanted to, he would have just died last season.

Murray: 2 Another gut feeling one. His death doesn’t really further the plot in any way. Already done impossible things this season that make it seem odd for him to die now.

Dimitri/Enzo/Traitor Guard guy: 9 From the moment he mentioned wanting to see his son again to Hopper I knew he was going to die. It felt like foreshadowing. Don’t know how but am convinced it’s happening.

Yuri: 4 This man is crazy and should not be given control of a helicopter and yet pretty sure he’s going to live.

Others:

Vecna/1/Henry: 7 If he dies he’s not really dead. We need him for next season.

Mrs. Wheeler: 8 Another one where I’m unable to articulate beyond this character doesn’t really serve a purpose and they had a major enough foreshadowing/threat that I think it’s valid.

Officer Powell: 7 He’s a man in deep over his head.

Jason: 10 Accidental Spoiler on my sister’s part. Apparently his death is brutal

[consultinglong]

Frostpunk endings

#FROSTPUNK ENDINGS GENERATOR#

#FROSTPUNK ENDINGS SIMULATOR#

The game's story scenarios cover different settlements that have been created in the wake of people leaving New London for various reasons. And with common temperatures much lower than you'd expect people to be able to survive in, you can make that happen. Unlike most city builders, the goal here is to keep your people alive rather than building an interesting city. While limited in scope, it does an excellent job with what it has. FrostPunk is all about surviving hellish winters around giant heat generators. While Great strategic and atmospheric survival city builder. Great strategic and atmospheric survival city builder. It is a fantastic game, i give it a 9/10. There are many different ways and strategies to tackle each scenario, and it plays on your own ethics as to how you want to achieve survival. I've been thoroughly enjoying this game, as it is properly brutal and challenging till the final day. When zooming upclose to the individual people the details are very low, but Automatons are much more detailed. If you look at the city from medium height the steam, fires and lights look so warm in contrast to the cold ice, enveloped by icy winds. Graphics: For an indie game, the graphics are quite impressive on a Playstation 4. You will have to make a viable economy to build and keep the city alive, but also make political decisions that can lead to creating a fanatic church, a totalitarian regime or even a city build on child labor.

#FROSTPUNK ENDINGS GENERATOR#

The player needs to keep supplying the city with coal, or the generator turns off. Every building is built on ground that surrounds the generator, thus relying on the heat to keep its occupants alive. A giant generator stands in the middle of a ice crater, heating the surroundings where a city will be build.

#FROSTPUNK ENDINGS SIMULATOR#

Gameplay: The game plays as a RTS management simulator with a steampunk style. As the story walks and steps on ethical lines with these choices, the game becomes increasingly immersive and exciting the further you get. Doing nothing is not an option in the long run, but choosing between two evils is not easy either. What's impressive is that the choices that are presented feel like realistic options that can happen when humanity is faced with its worst enemy: itself. Story: Frostpunk has 4 story scenario's, with the main story revolving around building and maintaining a city that faces loss of hope, committing to a strategy to keep people from leaving, and preparing for the coldest storm on Earth. A global ice age erupts, forcing humans to fight for survival by keeping the warmth of a generator going. Steam and coal are the pillar stones of civilization. The world is enveloped in industrialisation, with technological advances that we haven't even managed to attain in the 21st century. The world is enveloped in industrialisation, with technological advances that we haven't even Imagine our world back in the 19th century. Imagine our world back in the 19th century.

[pornaddictioncounseling]

10 REASONS WHY YOU NEED A RECOVERY COACH AND MENTOR

WHY DO YOU NEED A RECOVERY COACH?

Do you remember when you were a kid and your imagination allowed you to visualize an amazing life?

I remember watching movies with my friends as a kid and pointing out the fast cars that the heroes and villains in the movies were driving and claiming their cars as mine when I grew up. I remember the beautiful actresses that I would marry one day and the physiques of those on-screen action heroes that I would one day possess.

The funny thing was that I really believed everything I said!

Have you ever wondered why none of the wonderful things you imagined as a kid ever happened to you?

Like, as kids it wasn’t as if all our dreams were impossible. In fact, for the majority of people living in a first world or developed country, things like creating wealth, dating or getting married to a certain type of person, driving a specific car, living in a certain type of neighborhood aren’t goals which are out of our reach.

Yet, for many men, as they go into their twenties, thirties, and forties, these things just completely slip off of their grasp. When you add porn, masturbation or sex addiction to the mix, you find yourself stuck in a hole of mediocrity with no way out.

Let’s talk about that.

Do you feel sick and tired of the endless monotony of your life? Are you frustrated and unsatisfied with the direction things are headed, but still believe you could live a more satisfying life if you had a chance? Is there an area of your life that you struggle with that you can’t seem to shake no matter how hard you try? Seriously, how many of you ride in your cars, and when a high energy song comes on you begin to daydream about the awesome life you could have had then wondered why the fuck your life is so shitty right now?

You wanted to:

Find a purpose in life and follow it till the very end, but now you are stuck in a 9-5 job which you are not satisfied with, and trying to figure out if your 401k will be enough for you to survive on when you are an old man full of regrets.

You thought you’d have it all figured out by your mid-twenties, but now you are not on track to be where you hoped you’d be and you have NO IDEA if you’re even on the right path.

Maybe you’re one of those highly motivated success minded hustler types.

You read books like the 4 Hour Work Week, or Rich Dad Poor Dad, or Think and Grow Rich, decided to become wealthy, but ended up in debt up to your eyeballs, payment plans till infinity, and becoming wealthy is only a dream because you are always in survival mode…always.

You dreamed of seeing the world with the gorgeous woman of your dreams by your side, but now all you get in life is two weeks vacation and an average girl whom you don’t have the balls to leave because you’re afraid you can’t do better.

You spend more time watching porn than having sex with her.

So what went wrong?

You did the reasonable thing. You followed the right path, but how come your life sucks?

This is not a YOU problem. It’s a MAN’s problem.

Men today are no longer striving for greatness- even though we live in the best time in history to achieve all our dreams.

We’re numbing our minds with porn, video games, TV and whatever else technology has to offer us.

In the meantime, did you know that Men are and 9x more likely than women to be addicted to sex or pornography?

Women initiate 70% of all divorces, leaving us devastated, broke, and at the mercy of a court system which prioritizes women.

Men are 4x more likely to commit suicide

Men are more likely to be sexually abused as children and adults ( thanks to the prison system)

Heres the interesting thing. With all these stats against men, you’d think they would reach out for help- but no.

Men are far less likely to reach out for help and support than women. Women have numerous support communities online which help them overcome addictions, abusive relationships and help them start businesses which is one reason why women start businesses at a much higher rate than men.

Let me make one thing clear:

Having a recovery coach or a mentor does not imply that you are a weakling, or that you are not capable of doing something for yourself. Instead, recovery coaching and mentorship allows you to grow faster by taking advantage of the experience and point of view of a person who is already where you want to be.

A person with training and a background in addiction recovery who will hold you accountable, call you out on your bullshit and give you the straight truth without sugar coating it.

Someone who is not afraid to offend you and cares more about your success than your feelings.

If you think you can make it not just past porn, but on to greater things in your life without a coach, you’re fighting a losing battle. No one does this on their own.

Show me a man who has successfully recovered from his addiction and I will show you a mentor hiding somewhere within his self-made story.

If you aspire to a great life, you’re going to need help getting there.  More than anytime in history, men need mentors to guide them towards achieving greatness in life, relationships, and business.

Here’s why a recovery coach is so useful and necessary to you today.

1) SERIOUS ACCOUNTABILITY

Anyone can tell a therapist they will do something, then not do it. It’s an entirely different story with a strong, masculine mentor and recovery coach.

It’s about being a man. You develop a bond based on mutual respect with a mentor.

Men keep their word- especially to other men whom they respect. The greatest shame you will feel is when you have let another man down.

Many men have formed a habit of casually not keeping their word. They have no idea what masculine accountability is. Being around strong men who demand accountability is a requirement to grow as a man.

When you have a masculine mentor keeping you accountable, you’re not a weak person. You are a smart man for investing in yourself with a man who will help you become your greatest self.

Weakness is shying away from help because you think it makes you look silly or like a pussy. True strength is asking for help where it is needed.

2) YOU NEED A PERSON WHO DOESN’T JUST LISTEN BUT CHALLENGES YOU TO STEP UP

A good recovery coach will call you on your bullshit before your story even begins.

A counselor, therapist or psychiatrist will do three things:

a) Listen to you, which is great b) Give you a prescription for a drug c) Work with you in a group with other men and encourage you to share your feelings.

These are all fine, BUT a lot of men have therapists even though deep down they KNOW they aren’t accomplishing anything. All they have is an allotted time to unload their guilt to someone who will listen, then go right back to the behavior that’s destroying their life.

Come on!

You know you can bullshit your therapist and the reality is that you actually like doing that because it takes away responsibility from you and you feel like you are doing something.

With a recovery coach, with a mentor, you have to step up.

With a counselor, therapist or psychologist, you can keep acting like a little child and manipulating them and they’ll let you get away with it.

A recover Recovery Coach/Mentor will tell you:

“I see your challenge. Instead of dwelling on the past, let’s move forward and grow with this challenge. I’ve been where you are and I feel your pain. I overcame that very issue without sitting on a therapists couch for years, taking medication, or spending a fortune.”

A recovery coach listens to you- but deeply, beyond your words. He only speaks the truth and is only concerned with actions that get you specific results. Results that lead to growth.

During the process, you will discover that overcoming all the challenges you faced in the past are the very things that make you a strong, complete man.

A recovery coach will not allow you to run or hide from your challenges. He will guide you towards battling them face to face and in the process, you will grow in strength and resilience.

It certainly won’t be easy. But it will be worth it.

3) DISCUSSING DATING, RELATIONSHIPS, AND WOMEN WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY IS ALWAYS A FAILING MOVE

If you are aiming to overcome your porn addiction and create great relationships with women – relationships bursting with deep intimacy and connection, your friend who has been in a relationship and is now engaged to marry his high school sweetheart is not your best go to.

Your friend who has been a “natural” with women from day 1 has no idea what he is doing- he just does it and women love it. Your female friends can only tell you to just be yourself and the right woman will show up. But you know that your relationships with women are nowhere close to where you wish it to be.

Some of the best men’s recovery coaches have a background in dating, pickup and some sort of formalized dating training. Over time, that approached usually evolves into a healthier method of working with men.

A good mentor will start from the inside. He will teach you that being accepted by women, being attracted to the women you deserve begins with loving yourself. It begins with developing healthy self-esteem.

After that, you’ll know for the first time, the exact sort of woman that you desire. He’ll coach you into finding out where this woman hangs out, what she enjoys, and the specific aspects of your personality and lifestyle that she finds attractive. Many men can picture their ideal woman, but they are simply searching for her in the wrong places.

4) DIDN’T HAVE STRONG MASCULINE ROLE MODELS WHILE GROWING UP

Perhaps you grew up without a father or, more likely you grew up with a father who wasn?t emotionally present for you. Maybe your father was a great man and did his very best, giving all he knew how to give.

Maybe your struggle with dealing with conflicts and you always try to avoid them, because you don’t want any problems. Maybe you have no idea what to do with attractive women.

Maybe you’re a submissive nice guy who always finds himself seeking men and women’s approval.

Maybe you’re the driven alpha male- always hustling, always struggling to validate yourself through hard work, financial and career achievement, nice cars, brand name item, and sexy women to mask your deep-seated pain.

Maybe you’ve even been described as feminine. There is nothing wrong with that. The masculine must eventually balance it out.

A masculine mentor will take your masculinity to the next level or several levels. He has demonstrated (not tell you) the healthy way to be authentic, respected and have all your physical, emotional and spiritual needs met without compromising your values.

5) WOMEN SUBDUE YOUR MASCULINITY

Everywhere today, women are wondering: “Where are all the real men??”

The real men are out there they just don’t know how to bring forth their masculinity.

To you, Women have become mere objects to be conquered sexually. Every time you are in the presence of an attractive woman, you are sexualizing her, wondering what she looks like naked or what it would be like to have sex with her.

The more attractive she is, the higher on a pedestal you place her. Women know this, and as result, they emasculate you and treat you like a kid.

You have only yourself to blame for this behavior as a result.

A recovery coach will not only show you how to maintain your masculinity with women, but how to magnify it so that there is no doubt in her mind that she is in the presence of a real man.

6) YOU ARE STUMBLING THROUGH THE WILDERNESS WITH NO PURPOSE

When was the last time you ask yourself:

Who the fuck am I?? What do I truly want for my life??

You work for someone else whom you don’t like and who dictates your hours and even your finances.

You keep your opinions to yourself even when your boundaries are crossed.

You drink, watch porn, smoke weed, browse facebook and watch sports to numb the pain of having no idea who the fuck you are.

You buy houses, cars, clothes, and electronics to make you feel good. Two weeks later, that new device isn’t making you as happy as it did initially- it’s just another object.

You are a fucking MAN. Men need a mission. Men need something to conquer, something greater than them.

A recovery coach reignites the fire that died within you. He guides you towards your unique mission – One that you are willing to give your heart and soul to.

7) EMOTIONAL FREEDOM

Men are conditioned to keep their emotions bottled up. Crying is for little bitches. Showing emotion is seen as weakness.

The reality is that true strength in a man comes from vulnerability. Keeping your emotions deep inside you only cause pain and eventually leads to you releasing them in unhealthy ways.

Men process emotions differently from women. A mentor does not fear emotions- neither his nor yours and he will teach you how to handle emotions in a masculine way.

8) GOING THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT CLOSE MALE FRIENDS.

Close male friends are not your boys that you grab drinks with, but real men who are supportive of you.

Men are afraid to approach other men and tell them they have a fear or problem because they are afraid that they will be told to shut up and Man up.

I GUARANTEE you that ANY man who cannot connect with other men is a sad, sometimes depressed and most definitely lonely man.

As a human being, you have a need for connection- without it, you are incomplete and you will wither. Men are literally killing themselves because they have no outlet. No one talks about it because society does not care to broadcast the statistics of men who take their lives.

That’s why you are sitting alone in your room with your escalating porn addiction, your loneliness, your shame, guilt and lack of self-confidence. That’s why the male suicide, domestic violence, and sexual assault rates are at an all-time high and you will never hear of it.

No One Is Coming and men die because of that.

Where are other men you can share your truth with? Do you have men who will listen and not judge you?

Your close male friends are often the only people you can count on. Yes, even after your family, spouse and even children have deserted you, you close masculine male friends will be the only ones standing by your side in brotherhood.

This is such a powerful fact, yet many men neglect this all-important part of their life.

9) YOU BELIEVE THAT STRENGTH MEANS BEING A LONE WOLF

What makes you a man is NOT your ability to figure life out on your own, but instead seeking the help and companionship of others on your journey. So many men stay hooked on porn because of the feel that they can figure it out on their own.

You can’t!!

Our egos will cause us to spend time, money and incredible amounts of energy trying to make it on our own because we are afraid of looking weak in the eyes of other men.

Issues that could be solved in moments by seeking the help of someone more experienced go on for years unsolved as you scour the internet, credit card in hand, searching of the magic pill that will solve your problem.

There is nothing in the world that another masculine, experienced man somewhere doesn’t already know.

This is why in ancient times, there were Masters and Disciples. There were craftsmen and apprentices. When men were men, they knew that they had to learn from one who had gone before them. These days, Google is most men?s recovery coach and mentor.

When you seek help from a mentor, you are not weak. Your mentor will not judge you or make fun of you. Instead, you gain another man who is serving out HIS purpose, which is- getting you back in touch with your true masculinity – your true power.

10) YOU ARE NO LONGER GOING ALL OUT

All we have is this one life and all we do is look at what others are doing and try to keep up.

At one point, maybe you did go all in. Now you’re comfortable. You’re playing small. Maybe you’re waiting for the benefits of not masturbating to kick in…maybe you’re waiting to quit porn.

When you are going all out and playing the game of life for real, life PLAYS BACK.

Life charges up the masculinity in you. You find yourself getting respect from other men, becoming less tolerant of your addictions, you get more attraction from women and most importantly, you respect yourself.

FINALLY:

You may not know it, but there are recovery coaches- mentors out there who live to support other men.

Porn Addiction Counseling lead men to their authentic selves and empower them to experience freedom, love, and fulfillment in their relationships businesses and in their lives

Recovery Coaches keep you in integrity. They make you a man who loves women vulnerably, and shamelessly. They help you regain and maintain that fighting spirit that is every mans genetic right. They unleash the true masculine man within you.

You have two options.

This can be just another blog post to you. You can lie to yourself and tell yourself that this is just more motivational, rah-rah feel-good bullshit. Or you can take the difficult path. You can put your ego aside and ask for the support you need to become the Man you know you really are.

Yes, it’s scary.

It’s scary to go all out, to decide to make something of our lives. It’s not a journey you have to take alone, though. There are men out in the world who will help you achieve your greatness.

Are you ready to become the greatest man you are capable of becoming?

It isn’t too late to late gain control of your out of control sexual behavior and bad habits to become the hero, the movie star of your own life.

Personally, There is nothing you have experienced when it comes to porn addiction that I haven’t, so don’t feel any shame or hesitation about finding out if you need a mentor.

To get on a free confidential recovery coaching call with me, visit www.elevatedrecovery.org/apply

Do NOT put in an application if you are not 100% ready to change your life.

I’m J.K, your brother in this struggle and I wish you the best in your recovery from your porn addiction. If you found this helpful share it a few other men, and don’t forget to subscribe. I release two every week.

Have an awesome day.

[shurisneakers]

shut in [3]

Summary: When your high profile mission goes terribly wrong, you’re forced to hide in a safehouse with a man you’ve never met before. With seemingly nowhere else to go, you’re forced to work together to figure out who is trying to have you assassinated before it’s too late. (Sam Wilson x Reader, Hitman AU)

Warnings: cursing, implied abuse, ptsd, fighting over beds

Word count: 2.2k

A/N: every part i introduce more anonymous characters smh. i also appreciate feedback so if you would like to, please consider dropping me an ask or comment ly guys!! also if you want to be on the taglist, it’s mentioned at the bottom of the chapter.

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Shut In Masterlist

“Don’t make me shoot you, Wilson.”

“It doesn’t have to end this way, agent.”

“How’s it looking out there?”

“There’s been some talk. Apparently Serpentine isn’t very happy that their intel is dead. They’ve got people looking out for you everywhere.”

A frown adorned your face. Sam was leaning forward on his arms, head turned down as he listened to Ransone.

“How dangerous is it?”

“I would say that everyone’s a little wound up. Best not to go anywhere even a little populated.”

“Noted.” It would blow over in a while. The media coverage of Pierce’s assassination would die down with the changing news cycle soon.

“I can have someone pick you up wherever you are. Just tell me where.” 

“Don’t bother. We won’t be here for too long,” you responded, Sam nodding in agreement. Once it quietened down you could leave, go back to Ransone without blowing your cover.

“Whatever makes you happy. Just let me know when you’re out.”

The click of the call ending took with it the only noise in the room.

Sam picked up the phone to remove the battery, discarding it to maintain your security. Burner phones were useful, but you didn’t want to take any chances.

“Wait,” you cut in, holding your hand out for it, “I need to make another call.”

The both of you were seated at the dining table. A piece of paper lay in front of you, playing the dangerous role of being the mediator. 

You were trying to ration out your supplies and create a schedule as a way of finding middle ground. Things were more or less calm for the last two days, but the fight over the bedroom was wading into territory that could only be solved by a good old middle school fistfight.

Currently you were figuring out a meal plan so that you could establish some kind of routine. With bread as the only uniting factor, the other three components were going on a rotation. You had reached all the way till Saturday before running out of possible combinations.

“I’m just saying-”

“Don’t.”

“We’ve exhausted all edible options, it’s the only combination left-”

“I will not hesitate to fatally wound you.” You were only half kidding. The ridiculousness of the ideas he was proposing was entertaining, and you knew he wasn’t being serious. It was hard to catch a moment where he was. 

“Fine. But in case we get to the point where peanut butter and jelly is the only thing that’s left, don’t say I didn’t tell you so.”

“I would rather die than shovel spoonfuls of plain jelly and peanut butter into my mouth.”

“Your survival game is weak,” he chided, tsk-tsking at you.

You only rolled your eyes at him, moving on to the next subject.

Bed.

“Easy, we just alternate days. You got the last two days, so I get the next two and then we just switch everyday.” Sam eased back in his chair, arms crossed behind his head leisurely.

“How long do you think we’ll be here?” you asked, writing down the plan he had just presented. The bed wasn’t queen sized with memory foam or any kind of privilege like that, but it definitely beat the couch with its odd lumps and depressions.

“A week tops. Anything more is just excessive.”

“Hello,” you said, voice low, even though you were well out of earshot of Sam. He was eying you from the living room window. If he was as good as he claimed he was, he’d know how to read lips and you couldn’t afford to have him do that.

“Code?”

You turned your back to the window, facing the large trees that loomed before you. “1993. It’s me.”

“Y/N?” He sounded suspicious, a little shocked, and you understood why he would be.

“Living and breathing.” You toed at a rock that lay ahead of you.

“Word on the street is that you’re dead,” he pointed out dryly.

“Not me; Pierce. I escaped. It was a trap.” When the rock you were playing around with escaped after a particularly hard kick, you started pacing up and down instead, “Ransone put a hit out on him because he thought he was leaking information.”

“How on earth did he come to that conclusion?”

“Don’t know. He was dead before we got there.”

“Who is ‘we’? You got someone there with you?” You didn’t realise it had slipped out during your conversation. 

“Another one of our guys. Apparently I was a backup in case he didn’t show up, but he did, so now we’re stuck together.” You averted your gaze to Sam who was still observing you from the window brazenly, intently. 

“Where are you?”

“We’re safe.” 

“Alright.” He sounded like he understood, albeit not entirely convinced. “Stay low.”

“Will do.”

With that you hung up the call, dropped the phone to the ground and crushed it under your boot heel. When you were convinced that it was sufficiently useless, you turned on your heel, making your way back.

You walked back into the house, beelining to the kitchen to make up for your missed lunch, only to be greeted with Sam sitting on the couch looking at you inquisitively.

“Who was that?”

“Nobody,” you answered straightforwardly, opening the cabinet to get two slices of bread.

“If it has somethin’ to do with this situation we’re in then I need to know who you’re talking to.”

“Just drop it. It has nothing to do with you.” You found the jar of peanut butter he had already opened, using a butter knife to spread it along the bread.

“Somehow I’m finding that hard to believe.”

“Believe what you must. I’m going to take a nap,” you answered evasively, chewing absentmindedly on the sandwich you had just made. You didn’t bother to look at him as you headed towards the bedroom.

“Hey now, hold on a minute. Who said you had bedroom privileges? You’ve been using it for two days.” You stopped in your tracks, face scrunching in annoyance. “If you’re keeping vital information about my life from me, then I think I deserve to not have a fuckin’ backache when I wake up in the morning.”

You quickly weighed the pros and cons in your head, imagining how the next few minutes would pan out if you just said ‘no’ and left. But in every imaginary argument you proposed, the bottom line ended with him prodding at you until he either got the information that he wanted or the bed.

Frankly, the bed was something you were willing to sacrifice to get him to stop meddling in your business. It seemed like the only reasonable way to get him off your ass.

“Fine.” You spun around to face him. “We’re making an arrangement.”

“Whoever has the bed has to forfeit TV privileges for that day.”

“Sounds reasonable. None of those three movies can be played more than twice in a row.”

That was more to preserve your sanity than anything. You had already seen each of them once, bordering on thrice for Die Hard. Sam’s fault, not yours.

“We should have a codeword. In case there's danger or something. Or maybe if you just want to be left alone,” Sam suggested, finger pointing to the blank space left at the end of the paper. “But it’ll be like solitary confinement since it’s so fuckin’ quiet here.”

Almost on instinct your mind flashed to images of dark cells. Quiet sobs. Blood stains on the wall, originating from clawing at it. Sunlight through one small window at the top. Utter loneliness except for yourself.

You could remember the soreness in your legs from curling up into a ball for hours, rocking back and forth. The smell of drain water collecting in the basement where the cell was.

Isolation.

“You got any suggestions?”

“Huh?” You forced yourself back to the present. Your knuckles had a dull ache in them from holding the pencil too hard.

“Do you have any ideas for a codeword?” Sam repeated, looking at you intently.

“No, nothing off the top of my head.” You shook your head, trying to regain focus. You loosened your grip on the pencil, letting it fall to the table.

“We’ll just leave it at ‘Brooklyn’ for the time being.”

“Yeah, okay,” you agreed to whatever he was saying. It was just a precaution in case something major happened. It was rather unlikely that you were going to use it anyway. 

Codewords weren’t uncommon in your business, but it was mostly used for missions or other professional standings. Regardless of being less adventurous than what you tended to work on, this was work at the end of the day. 

“Is that all?”

“Yeah, I think we’re done.” His chair scraped loudly against the ground as he got up. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going out for a while. Need to shake off the possible osteoporosis.”

You didn’t bother asking where he was going, ears following his footsteps as he walked down the hall to the bedroom, probably to get his jacket that he hung up in the drawer.

You left the paper on top of the mini fridge, alongside the car keys and a few dollars you had nabbed in the hurry from Pierce’s house.

Staring around you at the silent room, you realised that there really wasn’t much to do. It wasn’t like you to have so much time on your hands. You could always go for a run or test out some of the weapons hidden here. 

You had the rest of the house to explore, plans to draw up, a post mortem to assess what went wrong on the mission, even though the last option wasn’t possible without Sam’s cooperation.

Fuck it, you decided. Couch it is.

Kicking your feet up, you grabbed the TV remote to flip to the news station. The town rarely had anything to report on but it would be worthwhile to know what exactly was available around. Possibly assimilate in the crowd in case you wanted to be hidden.

It took you a few minutes of mindless surfing through static channels till you found it. It seemed like a scene right out of a Hallmark movie; the reporter was holding a microphone to a child who looked like he understood nothing of what was going on.

You were barely paying attention as it flipped from segment to segment, other things taking precedence in your mind even though you willed yourself to relax. There really wasn’t much to make a note of other than a few good samaritans and how utterly boring the lack of content was. A few occasional glimpses of stores and other resources available in the background were the only interesting part.

You were starting to drift off by the time it reached the breaking news of the evening. Sam had already come back when the sky slipped into twilight. He barely acknowledged your form lazing on the couch, only offering you a greeting and a goodbye as he made himself his dinner to take to the room.

Your eyes were just about closing when the breaking news of that evening came in. It was all politics. People you knew from old missions waving and smiling their way to lead their country as if the dubious acts they committed behind the scenes to get there was erased.

Until you suddenly jolted awake, eyes wide open.

“Wilson. Wilson!” You hit the cushion furiously to get his attention when he didn’t respond the first time around.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

“What?” he yelled in response, mild irritation in his voice. You knew it sounded like you were shouting bloody murder even though no one was around other than you two, but you didn’t care.

“Look at this!” You couldn’t stop gawking at the screen. “Fuckin’ unbelievable.”

“What? What do you wa-” He stalked into the room, ready to tell you to stop yelling but stopped mid sentence when he finally saw what you were so concerned about.

“Reports claim that the victim was attacked early in the afternoon at his villa. Officers say they found multiple signs of a forced entry, following which he was shot dead. So far no arrests have been made but the police have since released photos of two suspects of whom, they claim, have reason to believe orchestrated the attack.”

On the right side of the screen flashed yours and Sam’s picture side by side. Old mugshots from a petty offence you committed years ago for which Ransone bailed you out.

“The pair are said to be on the run after escaping before law enforcement arrived. If you have any tips on the whereabouts of-”

You turned to look at Sam. His stare didn’t budge from the TV as they once again reminded the public what you both looked like.

Years of anonymity, working in the shadows and creeping around to avoid being recognised only to have the entire country know what you looked like.

“Well, shit,” he finally exhaled. “Somehow I think our stay here just got extended.”

Part 4

[blu-joons]

Familiar Face ~ Kim Namjoon

“Why did you never tell me who you were?” You snapped across at him as he pulled you to one side of the corridor. “Has all this time really been a lie?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say.” 

“I’m so sorry,” a voice yelled, a pair of hands grabbing at your arms to pull you up as you stumbled into the shelf of books. “Are you alright?”

You quickly pulled yourself together, straightening your dress out, looking up at the owner of the arms who had saved you from a fall. “I’m alright, are you? I really should pay more attention to where I’m going.”

He chuckled gently, passing you the book that you’d spilt as you toppled, pushing you carefully to one side as a few people tried to pass you both. Your cheeks were red as you smiled apologetically at the passers by before looking back up at your saviour.

Their eyes rolled as you silently apologised for causing a bit of scene, scoffing at the two of you as his hand continued to hold onto you as he made sure you were steady. “I’m Namjoon,” he finally spoke, introducing himself.

“Y/N.”

His brows knitted together as he heard your name, tilting his head as he tried to figure you out. “That’s not a Korean name?”

Your head nodded, although that was a pretty obvious statement about yourself. In just a short time in Seoul, you’d noticed a lot of attention from the locals as they noticed you walking around in different places.

“I’m foreign, but I’m here on a bit of gap year,” you informed him, quickly finding yourself feeling quite comfortable around him, “essentially, I’m a student who has no direction or plan of what they want to do with their life.”

A light giggle came from him as he finally dropped his arm back to his side, “I know plenty of students who have no idea what to do. Seoul’s a pretty cool place to come though to travel, how are you finding it?”

“Well,” you began, brushing a nervous hand through your hair, “it’s fair to say I have not mastered Korean at all, to be honest most of my days are a bit of a mess. I’m getting by, but it’s a struggle.”

Before you knew it, Namjoon had invited you for coffee in the café of the bookstore to try and get to know each other better. He’d convinced you he had plenty of tips on surviving life in Korea which seemed far too good to turn down, and after nearly crashing into him earlier, buying him a coffee was the least you could do. On a spare piece of paper, he wrote down several phrases that would help you in day-to-day life, answering the questions that you had about the culture and the way of life.

“What about you?” You suddenly asked once he’d finished lecturing on you on what you’d need to know. “Seeing as you know so much about me, can I get to find out about you? There must be something interesting about you with such a proficiency of English.”

His shoulders calmly shrugged, but on the inside his heart pounded. He looked around the room, spotting a group of students rushing in to grab a drink during their lunch break, pushing past each other to reach the front of the queue.

“I teach English,” he informed you, gulping as your eyes lit up. “I guess you need to have pretty good proficiency to be able to teach the language. It’s probably where my love of a good book comes from too.”

You nodded, listening intently as he began to tell you all about his day as a teacher and the students that he taught. You were very intrigued as you learnt more and more about him, as soon as you looked at him you definitely had an impression that he could be a teacher, he dressed himself well, and had a very approachable look about him.

The two of you sat and talked for a little while longer before being interrupted by the vibrations of his phone. He quickly placed his hand over it before you had the chance to look down at him, hanging up on the call and sliding his phone into the pocket of his jacket.

“Do you not need to get that?” You quizzed.

His head shook, finishing off the mug of coffee in front of him. “It’s a friend, he’s been having a bit of a crisis recently, rings me constantly. We have five other friends but for some reason he just seems a bit dependent on me.”

“I imagine as a teacher you tend to do a good job leading and guiding people,” you spoke, watching as his eyes darted to look across at you.

As soon as he realised how he’d reacted, he relaxed back in his seat, grabbing his jacket that was wrapped around the chair and slipping it on. You took that as a sign that he was heading off, finishing your drink too, picking up your pile of books.

“I should probably go and check on him, but maybe I could give you my number and we could meet up again some time,” he suggested, holding his hand out to take your phone so he could put his number into it.

You took your phone from your pocket and passed it across to him, offering your hand out for his once he’d put his number into your phone. A heavy breath came from him as he scrambled his brain quickly, knowing his phone and all the contacts he had would give his game away.

“I’ll text you from my phone, save my number that way.”

“Alright,” you chimed, unassuming of the wave of panic that rushed over him, as you led the way down to the tills so you could buy your books and head out of the store.

“Start talking,” you snapped, without a care for how loud your voice had gotten. “I can’t believe that you’d do something like this to me,” you stuttered, quickly wiping underneath your eyes as tears streamed down your cheeks.

Your body pressed against the wall, sinking to the floor as Namjoon lowered himself to your height, trying to take a hold of your hands, which you quickly pulled away.

For months, the two of you had spoken since you met at the bookstore, most days you texted and called each other, telling each other about your days. For months you’d sat and listened to him tell you about his days in the classroom and the troubles he was having with coming up with work when all along he was a global superstar travelling the world.

When your friend offered you the spare ticket, she had for a band performing that night, you jumped at the chance to head to a concert and enjoy some live music. You were clueless to who the band she loved was, deciding not to do any research beforehand and enjoy them at face value at the concert. You knew they must have been something special having sold out the biggest arena in your city, as soon as you got within a couple of miles of the stadium, every street was full of fans piling towards the arena.

Even when you’d told him that night that you were heading to a concert, he remained quiet. Instead, he chose to tell you all about a school trip him and his students had been on to a local museum to look at the history of the Korean War. Whilst you told him how excited you were to try out a new band, you were clueless to the fact that he was actually just a matter of minutes away from you, and worst of all, a member of that band.

He thought he could get away with it, the arena was huge, and the chances of you being able to recognise his face from far away were slim. Having already asked the cameramen to not focus on him for the night, lying through his teeth that his face was bloated and breaking out, he thought he’d be able to win. Little was he to know that your friend had purchased tickets in the fourth row, a spot where every single face on the stage was clear as day.

As soon as his eyes landed on you, his stomach dropped. The lyrics he was supposed to sing were abandoned, his hand came down, his whole heart turned numb to your eyes staring back at him. You were conscious of your friend beside you, simply shaking your head whilst trying to stop your tears from falling.

Namjoon persevered with the concert as best as he could, aware of your quizzical eyes watching his every move as you tried to figure out what was going on. You hoped and prayed there was a mix up somewhere, maybe he had a doppelganger or a twin that coincidentally shared the same name, every possible idea that tried to make sense of the situation came to mind.

Once the concert ended, you saw a text from him on your phone asking you to head into one of the wings. You told your friend to go, making up an excuse that you had spotted another friend in the crowd that you were going to meet up, but instead you were heading backstage to confront the man that had stolen your heart, and lied his way to it.

“I was scared to tell you the truth,” he whispered, allowing you to move your hands away from him, “I know this probably makes no sense right now, but you have to understand Y/N.”

You scoffed as he tried to reason with you, struggling still to process exactly what was going on. “Why would you be scared to tell me who you were? How did you even manage to keep up this lie for so many months?”

“I don’t know.”

“When,” you stated, taking him by surprise. “When did you plan on telling me the truth, when you proposed, when we got married? You told me that you were falling in love with me Namjoon, I told you I was falling in love with you too.”

“None of this changes the way I feel about you,” he sighed, brushing his hand against the top of your head, “you’re right, I am falling in love with you.”

“But you’re falling in love with the person I said I was,” you challenged, looking across at him for the first time. “In reality, I don’t know the first thing about you right now. The man I fell in love with was a lie.”

His head quickly shook, the person he’d shown you really was him. The kind, caring, considerate guy was never a lie, he was still Namjoon, just a little bit more of a fabricated version that he hoped you’d fall in love with. The second he didn’t tell you who he was at the bookstore he regretted, there had been several times where he wanted to give up the lie and tell you who he was, but he just couldn’t.

He was in too deep.

He hated lying to you, especially when he really caught feelings for you, the more the lie tangled, the harder it was going to be to eventually untie it again. He thought he had time to piece together a way out of it, to try and soften the shock and not frighten you away.

“Don’t say that,” he whispered, moving his hand down the side of your face so that it rested against your shoulder.

You were too exhausted and emotional to fight him away, moving your hands to cover your face yet again when you felt more tears spill. “Why did you do it Namjoon?”

“Because too many people have judged me for being Namjoon the singer rather than Namjoon the man. The moment I introduced myself to you, I knew I found myself liking you, it was a moment of panic. Do you remember the students that walked in?” He asked, as your head slowly nodded. “I took one look at them and then the next thing I knew, you were under the impression I was an English teacher. It felt nice that you valued me as a person, not for my name or my career, or even my money. I liked the feeling of being appreciated for being me, it meant the world to me that you fell in love with my personality rather than the materialistic things I own.”

“Now it makes sense,” you whispered with a shaky breath, “you never wanted to show me around your house, but that’s because there’s no teacher in the world that would be able to afford your house. Or every time when I told you to send me some work to see if I could help, you didn’t, because what you actually were working on was song lyrics.”

Several people passed you both by as Namjoon tried to calm you down, shielding your body as best as he could with yours. Each time he touched you, your body tensed up, refusing to let him in fully as you slowly began to learn about who he really was.

“Sorry will never be enough to make this right,” Namjoon whispered, squeezing your shoulder gently, “I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling right now or how this looks to you. If you want to cut everything off tonight, I’d understand. But you have to believe me Y/N when I tell you the Namjoon you fell in love with, really is me. Nothing about who I am as a person in your eyes is different in real life.”

Your head slowly shook, with your head and your heart telling you two different things, you didn’t know where to look or where to go. It was safe to say you’d fallen for Namjoon, you’d spent months with him, even from afar, he’d supported you in getting yourself sorted at the end of your travelling, he’d encouraged you as you searched for a job, even helping you write your application to get into somewhere.

“Where do we go from here?” He questioned, feeling a hot tear roll down his cheek. “I don’t want to lose you Y/N.”

You moved your hands away from your face, shuffling along the wall to make room for him to sit beside you. You didn’t even need to invite him before he filled the space, resting a cautious hand against your leg as finally your tears began to settle. You couldn’t bring yourself to hold onto him or lean into him, instead you sat motionlessly, staring against the wall of the corridor.

“Is there anything else you need to admit to, other than the fact you’re not a teacher?”

“No, that’s everything.”

“I don’t want to be lied to anymore Namjoon, if there’s something more to you, either you tell me now, or I’m gone,” you warned him.

He nodded, puffing his cheeks out, “that’s it, I promise. And I mean that promise this time, I’m not saying it just to protect you.”

You sat and listened as he vowed to be honest with you, about every single detail about his life. You were overwhelmed by the situation you found yourself in, never had you imagined seeing yourself falling in love with a global superstar, a man adored by millions of fans around the world.

“Why don’t you tell me about what you really do? Seeing as I’ve never actually heard of your group before,” you suggested. You slowly turned your body inwards so that you were facing him, choosing to keep your eyes away from his, staring down at the marbled floor as he spoke.

“I don’t even know where to begin,” he giggled, “for years now we’ve been as a group, obviously we started off in Korea, and then our music travelled, the group grew, and now we’re selling out arenas around the world. That’s the simplest way to put it.”

“And why did you actually learn English?”

“Because my family and I thought it would be a good skill to have in the future,” he informed you, “you’ll probably think it’s stupid, but I learnt it by watching Friends?”

“Really?” You exclaimed.

He nodded back at you, “I used to sit and listen to everything they said, and then eventually I could recite a few lines. It’s been useful for my job too, I can communicate with so many of our international fans, it’s probably helped us grow as we’re not just seen as another Korean music group, we’re seen as a band who can also hold an English conversation too.”

Your eyes began to search for his as he continued to give you a bit of background on him and his group. You could see the passion in his eyes and the love he had for what he did. But you could also see how difficult and terrifying his world was too, appreciating why he made the decision to keep you safe from it all. The more he spoke and opened up to you, the more you could see how hurt he was to have lied to you. It didn’t matter what he said, Namjoon was aware that nothing could justify the situation that he’d put you in, it was a place he never wanted you to be.

“If you’d have told me all of this from the start, it wouldn’t have changed things,” you pointed out to him when he finally finished talking. “I don’t judge someone on what they do or how many noughts are in their bank account.”

“I’ve heard that before,” he sighed.

“But you wouldn’t have heard it from me,” you quickly reiterated. “I’m not going to lie to you Namjoon, I’m better than that.”

It was a low blow, but one he knew he fully deserved. He’d treated you terribly, betrayed the trust that you’d put in him, and yet somehow, you were still sat and willing to listen to him talk. He began to wonder if maybe there really was a way of salvaging the mess he’d made, if perhaps you were willing to take on the real Namjoon he’d tried so hard to save you from.

“What do you want to happen to us?” He asked as his own thoughts began to run away from him. “Do you want me to go?”

Your head shook, dabbing gently underneath your cheeks. “Right now, I don’t know what I want really, but when I’ve spent six months falling for you, I can’t just see you walk away. I trust that your feelings for me were real, and I trust that now you’re starting to be honest with me.”

“I made a mistake, an enormous mistake that you’ll probably never forgive me for, but that won’t ever change the way I feel about you. I don’t want to live a lie to you anymore, and whilst I’m scared to really introduce you to my life, I promise that I’ll still love and protect you always.”

“You think I’m going to stay with you?”

“Well…I’d hoped.”

You sighed gently, “you broke me tonight Namjoon when I saw you stood on the stage. You knew I was going to be here, and I can guarantee you tried to find every way possible to make sure I didn’t find out. What hurts the most is when I needed you over the past few days, you were just down the road, within walking distance to be able to comfort and support me.”

“I couldn’t risk it, I didn’t want to break your heart by doing this, but instead that’s exactly what I’ve done.”

“I need time,” you sighed, smiling softly across at him, “I don’t want to give up on us, and I want to be able to trust in you, but that can’t happen overnight. I’ve gone from thinking I’m dating an English teacher in a Korean cram school to finding out I’m dating a Billboard winner with millions of screaming fans who chant his name night after night.”

His hand slowly reached out, intertwining his fingers in with yours. He brought your hand up to press a kiss against the back of it, wiping away the droplets of tears that had landed from your cheeks throughout the night. Your hand slowly squeezed against his as you rested your head down onto his shoulders, snuffling gently as you fought back the tears once again.

“I’ll never hurt you again,” he whispered down to you, “I promise I won’t be the guy you think I might be.”

“You’ve got one chance Namjoon, I want to learn to love the real you, no secrets, no lies, just honesty. That’s all I ever want from you.”

“There’s no more secrets, and definitely no more lies. You’ve stolen my heart and I can’t let that go, not now, not ever. I just hope you know what a crazy ride you’re in for dating me, the real me.”

“If it means being with you, I’ll ride the craziness. Just don’t break my heart, ever again, please.”

“Never again, I promise I’ll make you happy, forever.”

---

Masterlist

[xomarauders]

posted this on ao3 awhile back and had a hard time getting tumblr to upload it, but it finally worked so here you go

content warning for referenced child abuse

~

The warmth of summer filtered through the window, casting rays of sunshine across the floor of James Potter’s bedroom carpet where Remus was splayed out, tracing patterns into the ridiculously soft material. He was sure that James charmed it to keep it so fluffy, otherwise it would not have survived the footfalls of four, rowdy boys that found refuge here during the summer. It used to be only the three of them—James, Remus, and Peter, that is—until Sirius was able to join permanently halfway through the summer season. His parents had never allowed for him to visit the Potter’s while he was still living under their roof, but now that the raven-haired boy had run away and was officially disowned, well, Remus was sure the carpet would have wilted under Padfoot’s grubby paws by now.

Either way, Remus was sure that there was nothing better than laying on James’ charmed carpet with his three best friends, listening to music from the record player—that had also been charmed to work without electricity—and chatting about whatever came to their minds. They were all sat on the floor aside from Sirius, who was perched in the window, smoking, and watching as the birds flew around outside. Remus smirked—the boy really was such a dog.

“It’s our last years at Hogwarts, boys,” James announced as he pushed his glasses further up his nose, “what are we going to do once it’s all over?”

It was a question that held a lot of weight, depending on how you looked at it. What were they going to do as far as it came to pranks and leaving their legacy at Hogwarts or what were they going to do as soon as they graduated. Maybe get jobs, possibly go to university, more likely join the Order to fight a war they didn’t start. Remus didn’t care to think about any of these things. His future had been something he considered to be doomed since he was four years old and suddenly had to share his mind with a beast that tore apart his body every month. He had never even planned on having the life he had gotten—the chance to go to Hogwarts, to make friends…to fall in love.

He cast glance toward Sirius, whose own gray eyes were already looking to Remus, a thoughtful expression on his face. Remus grinned at him, tilting his head so that his curls fell into his eyes. Sirius smiled back, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He’d been smiling like that a lot, lately. Remus made a mental note to ask him about it later that night.

“I don’t know about you lot, but I have no idea what I’m going to do without all of you around,” Peter said.

“Don’t worry, mate,” James said, patting Peter on the shoulder, “you can’t get rid of us that easy! Marauders till the end, right?”

There was a certain admiration that Remus held for James Potter, the savior of the cursed and the damned. He had banded them all together; the timid boy, the broken werewolf, and the wayward heir to make a family. Remus would never be able to repay James for the unconditional love he’d shown him, but he was willing to try everyday for the rest of his life.

“Marauders till the end,’ Sirius repeated, extracting himself from the window as he put out his cigarette. He joined them on the floor, laying down next to Remus and pressing himself tightly against the other boy. Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius, partially out of habit and partially because it was what Sirius needed, something he was starved of. Touch had been something of a guessing game between the two of them ever since they started their relationship. Neither of them were quite used to being touched in such casual ways until they became friends with James—who was constantly giving out hugs like they were candy—and starting a relationship had made the concept even more confusing. Not only did they have to think about what sort of casual touching was okay for each of them, but now they had to factor in intimate contact. Kissing was okay, just as long as they were alone in the safety of Remus’ four poster bed or hidden in one of the various alcoves they had discovered while creating the Marauders Map. Remus thought it might even be okay here, in James’ bedroom, to sweetly kiss his boyfriend without fear of judgment or ridicule. Still, he let Sirius make those decisions, allowed him to initiate any sort of contact between them because while Remus’ aversion to touch stemmed from not being able to trust himself, Sirius’ came from not being able to trust others. He was easily spooked by any sort of sudden movement that came his way, a side effect of Walburga Black’s outstanding parenting skills, and no amount of James’ casual hugs or Remus’ gentle caresses have seemed to break him of this habit.

“What are you thinking about, Moons?” Sirius whispered. James and Peter were too busy arguing over which record to play next to notice their other two friends.

“You,” Remus said easily. Sirius blushed—an image Remus would never tire of seeing—and reached up with his slender fingers to brush away the curls that had fallen in Remus’ eyes.

“Me,” Sirius said, a hint of astonishment in his voice.

Remus wished Sirius wouldn’t sound so surprised at the idea of someone thinking of him. It hurt to know that Sirius did not quite value himself the same way Remus, James and Peter did and it was times like these where Remus wanted to meet Walburga and Orion Black in person just so he could give them a piece of his mind.

“Lads,” James said, throwing himself on top of them unceremoniously, “let’s head on downstairs. I think mum’s made dinner.”

The four of them trailed down the stairs, Sirius holding Remus’ hand while James raced ahead to slide down the railing. Fleamont was in the parlor, reading the newspaper and looking up as the boys made their presence known. He greeted them all, and asked James in a calm tone to perhaps not ride the staircase like a broomstick. James at least had the decency to turn red before assuring his dad it would never happen again (everyone knew it would). Euphemia was in the kitchen, apron tied around her waist and her gray hair up in a knot on her head. Sirius leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, and she gently reached out to him, not quite taking his face in her hands until she saw the smallest nod of permission.

“My darling,” she said, her eyes welling up with tears, “you look well.”

Remus knew what Euphemia was thinking about as she took in Sirius’ appearance. It was the same thing he had thought of over and over again as he laid in bed at night, his arms wrapped tightly around his boyfriend in attempt to keep him safe from the nightmares that occupied his mind. The frail and beaten Sirius that had collapsed on the Potter’s doorstep those few weeks ago had been nursed back to health by the healing powers and carefulness of Euphemia Potter. Still, it was hard to get that image of Sirius lying half dead out of Remus’ mind. He could hardly imagine what it was like for Euphemia who had seen the worst of his injuries after shoving everyone else out of the room in order to heal him. James, Remus, and Peter had stayed up all night, waiting outside the spare bedroom door where they could hear Euphemia sobbing over Sirius’ sleeping form. Remus would rather have faced the full moon a hundred times instead of waiting those long three days for Sirius to wake up.

“Thanks, mum,” Sirius said. The four boys crowded around the kitchen table, eagerly reaching toward the various dishes Euphemia had spread about. Fleamont had joined them, sitting between his wife and Sirius. James immediately went for his mother’s main dish, filling his plate full before passing it to Peter, who was already nibbling on some naan. Remus loved Euphemia’s cooking. It was different than that of his mother’s—not that he would ever pass up his mam’s wonderful Sunday dinners—and he was happy to able to enjoy the different flavors offered whenever he visited. Euphemia always made far too much, making sure that everyone got their fill as well as some leftovers. She was an angel, truly.

Sirius did not fill his plate as full as the others. He was still very thin, with his jaw looking more pronounced and Remus knew his hipbones were a bit more jutted out. Punishments at Grimmauld Place were harsh and Sirius had been starved well into the first few months of summer. It was still a process, trying to get him to eat without getting sick, but they were managing best they could. Remus watched as Sirius poked at his food, looking a bit scared of it before setting his fork down and letting out a frustrated sigh. James looked up from his own plate, regarding Sirius with a look of concern from across the table.

“You okay there, Padfoot?” He asked, keeping his tone light but Remus could see the worry in his dark eyes. Sirius nodded, picking up his utensils once more.

“Yeah. I’m fine, just…” He trailed off, looking down at the table and not daring to meet anyone’s eye. Remus felt a sudden need to shield Sirius away from everyone else’s intense gaze, the wolf within him becoming quite territorial. He pushed those feeling away, not permitting the wolf access to its most basic instincts in the fear that the wolf might be visible on the surface. Still, even his human mind seemed to want to take Sirius away from the scrutiny.

“Darling,” Euphemia said, “you don’t have to eat it all. Just a few bites of naan if you can bear it. Just to keep up your strength.”

Sirius smiled tightly at her but did not move to eat. The rest of them reluctantly picked at their own food, trying to keep things as normal as possible. Fleamont engaged his son in conversation about Quidditch, asking after the Gryffindor team and what he thought their chances were this upcoming school year. Peter politely asked after the herbs Euphemia was growing in her kitchen—he had a thing for herbology—and she answered each question with detail. Remus turned his attention to Sirius, his hand coming to rest on the older boy’s knee. Sirius flinched slightly and then blinked as he realized it was only Remus.

“Do you want to go on a walk?” Remus asked quietly, rubbing circles with his thumb into Sirius’ thigh. The other boy nodded, standing quickly, and exiting the kitchen. The conversations happening came to an abrupt halt and Remus could feel James’ gaze turn towards him. He looked to his friend, a silent conversation passing between them.

Is he okay?

No, but he will be.

Remus walked out, trailing through the living room and out the back door which lead to the Potter’s spacious garden. When Remus had first visited the Potter’s home when he was thirteen, he had the startling realization that James Potter was very well off. It was a bit daunting, especially since Remus’ whole house could probably fit within one room of the mansion and he had been a bit nervous to even touch anything in fear of breaking it. Of course, Fleamont and Euphemia were no stranger to rough-housing, having known exactly what they were getting into with their own son, and Remus’ worries were quickly put to ease when Euphemia simply waved her wand at a vase that had tragically fallen to the floor amidst their game of dog-pile on Peter. Young Remus had almost forgotten that magic existed outside of Hogwarts, and he was in awe at seeing performed in such a domestic setting.

His favorite part of James’ home though was the garden. It was so big! There were wonderful trees that provided much needed shade on hot summer days, and pools of water run by magic to keep the vegetation alive. There were many times the boys pretended to be magizoologists searching for creatures in a jungle, or highly trained aurors on the hunt for evil wizards and—Remus’ personal favorite—pirates looking for treasure. It was a place filled with joy and adventure and even as the boys got older, it remained their sanctuary. Sirius had spent a lot of time in the garden since he arrived, sitting by himself beneath the starlit sky, crying out for his brother and the family that had hurt him. Remus had watched in privately, not daring to intrude on such moments, but wanting to be within reach just in case.

Sirius sat there now, next to a bed of deep red roses, softly running his fingers across the petals. Remus walked up, careful not spook him, and sat down beside him. He flickered his eyes in Sirius’ direction and noticed the other boy had started crying, but he did not pry. Now was not the time for that. Instead, he let his fingers trail through the grass beneath him and let his words fall lazily off his tongue.

“I read a new book at the beginning of summer,” Remus began, his tone light. “Mrs. Dalloway. It was a quick read. The entire novel takes place over the course of one day, how interesting is that? It’s become one of my favorites I think. Woolf is a great author—Virginia Woolf, she’s the one who wrote it.”

Sirius seemed to perk up at this. “Woolf? Could you be anymore ironic, Moony?”

A light laugh escaped Remus. “Believe me, I know. Mum was worried about that when she got it for me.”

The tension snapped back into Sirius as quickly as Remus realized his mistake. Hope Lupin was a generous woman, young and vibrant with a taste for progressive ideologies and love for everyone she met. She adored her son and kept him safe, never shying away from him despite his affliction with lycanthropy and Remus sometimes forgot how lucky he was to have her in his life until he was sat next to Sirius and realized that the Hope Lupin’s and Euphemia Potter’s of the world were unfortunately not the norm for everyone.

“They hate me,” Sirius says abruptly. “They hate that I don’t agree with them. That I don’t want to fucking pledge my allegiance to some dark lord who wants to kill all my friends and I—” he chokes off, a sob escaping him, “I don’t want to care, Remus. I don’t want to be bothered by the fact that my mother would rather curse me instead of hug me and that my father would rather have me dead instead of tarnishing his precious family name. But I do. I do care because they should care. I’m their son, I am their fucking flesh and blood and if blood is all that matters to them then why don’t they care about me?”

There were tears in his eyes as he looked at Remus, tears that Sirius had been holding back ever since he was eleven years old and discovered that parents were not supposed to punish their children for wanting to be loved, the pain and anguish of that realization that had built up over time finally reaching a breaking point. Remus’ own heart was breaking as he stared helplessly, not knowing what to do. These were not problems children were supposed to have. They were supposed to be young, careless, and dreaming up pranks to pull once they got back to school. Instead, they had to contend with a looming war and parents who were cruel and a curse that transformed you into a monster. This was their life, and it would never be easy, Remus thought, not for them.

“Sirius,” Remus whispered, “there are no words I can say to express to you how sorry I am that you’ve had to deal with any of this. Your parents…they’re wrong. They are so fucking wrong and they are so fucking blind for not being able to love you. You are the most loveable human being. You’re generous and caring and you…you take notes for me. When I miss class. And you always make sure my pillows are nice and fluffy after the moon and you rub those soothing salves on my skin at night. And you make me that special tea whenever I’m sick and you read to me when I can’t sleep. You kiss me like it’s the first time every time and you love me like it’s the only thing you’re meant to do. You clean James’ glasses for him and you make sure his Quidditch gear is ready to go on game day. You help Peter study and you let him go on and on about divination with you despite it being your least favorite subject. You’re the first one up to dance with Marlene at the parties and you braid Lily’s hair whenever she’s feeling upset over her sister. You are one of a kind, Sirius Black. You are a good friend and a good brother and you are the love of my life. Believe me when I tell you that you are loved.”

Sirius stared at him, the tears falling from his eyes leaving trails across his cheeks. He reached out for Remus, pulling the taller boy closer to close the distance between them. Sirius’ lips met Remus’, a tender kiss filled with gratitude and love and the promise of forever. When Sirius pulled away, his eyes were still shining, but there was new fervor there, a look of life that Remus had not seen reflected in those silver orbs for a long time.

“I love you so much,” Sirius said. And he smiled genuinely for the first time in months.

Remus smiled back. “I love you, too.”

“Come on,” Sirius said, standing up and offering his hand. “Let’s head back in.”

[redwinterroses]

So I know how likely it is for the Southland s to splinter especially since Martyn seems to sympathetic towards the boogeymen and also still attached to Ren, but imagine if in the next session Mumbo having lost two lives last session is like "wait, a good chunk of us are yellow, meaning that at any moment one of us could go red an we could no longer associate with them weakening us as a team" and then they come to an agreement that once they're all red that they'll regroup since that isn't against the rules and technically they have to go back to each other since they're soul bond now ever since they passed around that life

Imagine the possibilities, just one of them turning red having to leave and just itching to regroup feeling part of their soul still left there with the others, even tempted to kill the others to get on red faster. What if a couple go red and they're just waiting for the final southlander to go red and one of them perma dies.

Talking about Martyn possibly turning traitor in favour of Ren what if the rest of the southlanders turn red and it's just Martyn left on yellow. And you know he kinda doesn't mind it even if a part of him feels stuck with the others, and this Ren fella is pretty swell and also still on yellow and Martyn slowly starts to build an alliance with Ren maybe even starting to talk about surviving the game while still on yellow.

I want Joel's comment on them staying in a pack to come true, I want to see them turn into one vicious entity.

Needless to say the rest of the southlanders aren't happy about this and decide to hunt him down telling him "it's for your own good :)", perhaps even decapitating him as a homage for Martyn's show of loyalty last season. And then once he's on red they remind him that Ren is still on yellow so he's stuck with them, with the implications that if he leaves them once Ren turns red they'll hunt him till the ends of the earth.

Also (unlikely) if they all survive till the end I like to imagine they'll hunt each other down murder club from tma style.

The idea of a pack that turns on one of its members when they don't align with pack mentality... that's very visceral and ripe for a lot of stories.

And I am really hoping for a scenario where the reds band together as a hunting pack, almost more z-poc style. Hmmmm. Yes. Good potential there.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

For the “everyone who died is able to wake up” sdra2 au, could you do headcanons of the characters who died reuniting with their s/o who made it to the end? If all the dead characters is too much, you can choose who to do, but if you decide to do Shinji, since he has teenage children, maybe you could include them being there too?

I can do all of them! I think the Void members are the same age outside the simulation so I’ll just leave them at that.

Obvious major spoilers! This took forever to write whew

.........

Yuri

Realizing that you saw each other as high schoolers was quite strange. But now you remembered why Yuri became so attached to you the moment you met on the island.

Everyone who woke up was shook upon seeing how tall and muscular he actually was. But you were just happy to see your boyfriend alive and well.

You tell him everything that’s happened, and he’s understandably bitter about Hajime killing him (you had to distract him with a kiss so he didn’t actually punch him).

In time he decides to forgive the boxer...but only because you asked him to.

He feels guilty about letting Monocrow be used for the killing game. So to ensure his work didn’t hurt anyone else, he destroyed all the data and blueprints associated with the bird.

The simulation reminded you of how short he was back then--and you’d tease him about it often (much to his embarrassment).

Hajime

Wakes up disoriented and confused, until he realizes he’s alive and back in the real world. Though he’s got a bit of a headache.

Then he sees you and smiles. “Were you waiting long?”

“Almost too long, you dumbass.” You just hug him tightly, grateful that his brain wasn’t fried to mush like you feared.

He has genuine regrets about siding with Mikado and offers to let you punch him if you wanted to. But you only give him a kiss and reassure him that’s all in the past.

Despite everything, he manages to joke about being turned into a doll, claiming it could be good merchandise to sell in the future. Though for now you both just wanna go home and recuperate from what happened.

Yep, he’s still got his healthy habits so he’ll be sure to take care of himself (and you, of course, since your mental health is just as important as your physical health).

Kokoro

Has the most nonchalant reaction. 

She feels unusually cold, but quickly claims it’s just an “after-effect” of the death she experienced in the program.

If anyone else was her s/o, they would’ve been angry and confused at her neutral reaction. But you’ve known her long enough to know she’s like this all the time. 

So you just smile and welcome her back, telling her you survived--like her younger self anticipated.

With both versions of Mikado gone, she isn’t exactly sure where to go with her research from here. But you convinced her to take a long break from her work.

She thought you’d be angry or at least disappointed that she contributed to the simulation’s creation, but you aren’t.

You didn’t have the heart to hate her, even though before that you resented her for using her daughter for human experiments.

Emma

Surprisingly calm...at first. She just acts like she woke up from a nap, relieved “this bad dream” was finally over.

But then she sees her hands--realizing she’s whole again and not some disgusting mess of flesh trapped in limbo--as you hold them and smile softly at her. “Welcome back to the land of the living, darling.”

Everything hits her all at once, and before you knew it, she was hugging you tightly and sobbing into your chest as she apologized for everything she did. 

She was scared she’d never see you again, worrying if you’d survive to the end (imagine her relief when you did).

You spend a bit of time comforting her, rubbing her back and reassuring her she was finally free of Mikado’s influence.

You’re close to tears yourself--seeing her slaughtered by horror movie monsters was a grim execution you wouldn’t forget easily. 

And after coming home that’s one movie genre you both avoid for a while.

Setsuka

She wakes up feeling disappointed and some back/joint pain that she didn’t see through her mission till the end, but she’s happy to be back with you.

You practically throw yourself into her arms, relieved she was whole again and not just limbs scattered across a haunted house attraction.

If you decide to tell her about the circumstances regarding her death, she might be quite unnerved, at first, though she doesn’t resent Hibiki once you mention how she was basically a puppet during that time.

Her quick forgiveness would’ve been surprising, but you only expected that from her and just smile, giving her a kiss.

“You’re taking a few days off of work. I don’t care what Tsurugi says--you need it.”

“Alright, alright..fair enough...by the way, I’m still as cute as I was back then, right?” She chuckles.

Yep, that’s your sweetheart of a former billiards player alright.

Hibiki/Kanade

(I hc that Kanade’s serial killer backstory was all fabricated, and her obsession over Hibiki isn’t as extreme irl, but she still has some overprotectiveness).

When the twins wake up at the same time, they...honestly aren’t sure what to say to you--or each other for that matter.

Kanade was staring off into space, fully aware of the horrible things she said and did. Meanwhile Hibiki looked ready to yell at her as soon as she spoke. And you were just watching them nervously.

But then you’re surprised when the younger sister reaches over to hug you, starting to cry and apologize for everything. She could never see herself doing any of those things in real life...but she doesn’t expect any forgiveness right away.

To her shock, you forgave her--knowing that the Kanade in that simulation wasn’t your sweet and shy sweetheart. The real one you’ve known since forever was right here, feeling truly remorseful for things she never did.

It’s not long before Hibiki burst into tears too and oops now both of them are crying into your arms. 

But you didn’t care. What mattered was that the nightmare was finally over.

Shinji

Your teenage kids were brought to the location of the pods by the KF (as other living relatives of the kidnapped participants were), and they anxiously waited for you and Shinji to awaken.

The relief and joy you felt upon seeing their smiling, tearful faces was immensurable as they practically tackle-hugged you. But when they ask about their father, you decide they’re mature enough to know what happened--and so you explain that he made a sacrifice to protect everyone, including you.

They promise to wait for him, as they did for you...and man is that wait worth it when he awakens to see his beloved family.

It’s a very, very tearful reunion, but it was especially overwhelming for you, considering you still have the image of your husband’s burnt corpse fresh in your mind.

Shinji’s optimism never wavers, even after everything. He points out that the way you two have interacted in the simulation was similar to how you both met in real life during high school (minus the killings, of course).

You regrettably tell him what became of Yuki, but he just hopes the kid’s doing alright, wherever he may be.

Nikei

The moment he wakes up, he takes a few seconds to register three things: he’s alive, you’re alive, and his right hand is back. 

But before you can ask him how he’s feeling, a billion and one questions fly out of his mouth.

“Is it all over?? Is Mikado gone?!! What about Utsuro--??"

You do your best to calm him down and catch him up to speed, reassuring him Mikado is gone and won’t hurt him ever again.

Though now that he sees everyone alive and well--including Shinji and Void--he feels tense and awkward, wondering what the future holds now. But you take his right hand to divert his attention back to you.

He gets pretty choked up, realizing that he’s finally free and isn’t doomed forever and can actually go home with you. You just smile and hug him, repeating those reassurances.

Considering his breakdown in the trial where he got executed, you decide you’ll have a long chat about his insecurities when you two get home--with him being the interviewee.

Teruya

Rei and Tsurugi are with you when Teruya finally awakens. Though before he can even properly get out of the pod, you throw your arms around him and he doesn’t hesitate to embrace you back.

He’s already in tears himself, relieved when you tell him you survived.

“That’s good..I’m..I-I’m glad you made it out.”

“I would’ve liked to make it out with you, too, idiot.” You huff, remembering how he refused the antidote you tried giving him for the poison. 

He told you why he needed to die so you could escape with everyone. And it hurt him a lot to do that, but you forgive him..though only if he promises to never make a stupid sacrifice like that again.

You decide to leave out how you almost got executed by an incorrect vote. For a while you thought you could never avenge your boyfriend, but with Mikado finally gone..you were now satisfied.

He’ll need a few days off of work after what he’s been through. You already chewed out Tsurugi for calling Teruya a “diversion”, so he begrudgingly allows it.

[victoria-daydreams]

Till Kingdom Come

Chapter Thirteen: A Simple Lover’s Quarrel

AN: Can’t believe I abandoned this story for two, three months. Then again, I only got three notes on the last chapter so that was a little disheartening which made me want to take a break. But I’m back now and slightly reinvigorated to write again.

Word Count: 4.0k

Trigger Warnings: offensive language, racial slurs, racism

Taglist: @nerds4life246, @leahnicole1219​

Chapter Fourteen: Welcome Home, Sabine Freemen

"Really Miss Jones, you didn't have to go out of your way to check on Mama," Emile stated.

In all her years, Sabine had carried out worse plans before than the one she hastily concocted last night in bed.

Sabine smiled a little, "I was concerned, your mother seemed so wound up yesterday and I felt obligated to check on her well being," she explained.

"How did you find our home?" Emile asked, tilting her head slightly.

"Well, your mother had said your first name and then your surname. I put two and two together and... " Sabine answered, before trailing off as Emile raised her eyebrows in anticipation. "Let's just say I'm an extremely determined young woman," she finished, with a nod and smiling slightly.

Just then, a maid entered the parlor room holding a silver tray in her hands. Another maid followed behind her, with saucers for milk and sugar. Emile had them place the trays on the table and dismissed them with a gracious smile.

"Miss Jones, would you care for tea?" she asked, taking the teapot in her hands.

"Yes, please," Sabine responded.

She looked around the sitting room, the home seemed quite similar to their hideout in some aspects. And in others, well, it was quite clear the immortals didn't have a decorator come in and acquire furniture in some expensive European store in Philadelphia.

"You have a lovely home Miss Freemen," Sabine commented, bringing her attention back to her older sister.

"Actually, it's Mrs. Freemen," she corrected, a soft chuckle escaping her. "You wouldn't believe how many other Freemen's you'll meet in New York," she added, as she finished pouring the amber liquid into their cups. "Thank you though, this home is big enough for Mama, Papa, and my family," Emile stated.

"Your father?" Sabine questioned, trying to keep her best poker face at the revelation.

"Mhmm," Emile hummed, stirring her sugar and milk into the tea. "It is quite an improvement from a raggedy slave shack, wouldn't you say?" she asked, lifting her cup to her lips and Sabine could only nod. "Papa didn't think he would live to see the day that colored folks would be able to live as dignified citizens of this country, and hold a dignified job being dressmakers," Emile explained, bringing her cup down.

"And here you are,"

"And here we are,"

"Do you have any more family?" Sabine asked curiously, as if Emile wasn't literally talking to her sister.

"I have a husband named Lee, he's out of state on a business trip. I have two sons, Jimmy and Phillip. My oldest, Phillip, lives in Chicago and practices medicine. Jimmy, he's about your age. He's down in D.C. studying at Howard University, he'll be home soon. Lastly, I have...had a..." Emile said, her voice lowering.

"A younger sister?" Sabine supplied quietly.

"Yes," she whispered, placing her teacup and saucer down onto the table with a soft clack. "Sabine, she was only five when she was taken from us, Mama never forgave herself," Emile stated.

"But why? Your mother can't possibly blame herself for her child being ripped away from her," Sabine said.

"You see, the day that Sabine was taken, we were supposed to runaway at night and go up North," Emile explained. "Mama has agonized over the question of 'what if we left the night before?' ever since," she finished, her mouth drawn into a thin line.

"I'm sorry about your sister," Sabine said softly. "Do you think she's alive still?" she questioned, trying to gauge Emile's reaction.

"In my heart, I want to believe that's she still here, that she escaped. But, my mind is also telling me to be logical, and that is no, little Sabine didn't survive enslavement," she replied. "She could be a feisty five year old, you know?" Emile said, a watery smile on her face. "And feisty slaves don't last long on plantations," she reminded grimly.

It was quiet after Emile's haunting statement, Sabine felt as though she lost her appetite. A feisty slave she was, and Emile was right, they don't last long. Sabine knew from firsthand experience. Suddenly, the door opened and Emile and Sabine both jumped back from the table slightly.

"Mrs. Freemen—"

"Goodness gracious," Emile breathed, placing her hand on her chest. "You scared the living daylights out of us," she laughed, and shook head.

"A'm sorry ma'am, but there's an ofay-I mean, white man at the door," the maid announced. "He said he's here to collect Miss Jones and return her home," she continued, glancing over at Sabine.

"Thank you, I'll see my guest to the door," Emile responded, the girl bowed her head and left the room again.

"I presume that this is the same ofay from yesterday?" Emile questioned, a knowing smirk on her lips.

Sabine laughed softly, "Yes, it is," she admitted. "But in his defense, Mr. Greene is alright for an ofay," she joked, standing up from her seat.

"Is he your husband?" Emile inquired, lifting her brow as stood as well.

"No," Sabine answered quickly, a nervous chuckle coming from her. "Thank you for hosting me Mrs. Freeman-"

"Pfft," Emile said, waving her hand. "Please, call me Emile,"

She smiled, "I know I showed up to your home uninvited and completely unexpected," Sabine stated, offering her hand for Emile to take.

Sabine waited for the woman to take her hand, but instead Emile softly grabbed her by the shoulders and kept her at an arms length.

"You know, I can see why Mama could mistake for you for our Sabine," Emile commented, tilting her head to the side. "You do have my sister's eyes," she mused, sighing wistfully. "Do come back and visit us again Miss Jones. I would love for you to meet the rest of my family and reintroduce to Mama when she's less hysterical," Emile joked, removing her hands from Sabine.

"I would like that, very much!" Sabine stated, vigorously nodding her head. "And please, you can call me Edith,"

~~~x~~~

Josef and Sabine strolled through Central Park arm in arm, passing a duck pond as they went. The park was fluttering with life: little girls playing hopscotch, children rolling hoops, nannies pushing baby carriages, couples walking together, and a policeman patrolling the area. Silently, he sent Josef and Sabine a pointed looked as if to wordlessly say, he's watching them.

"How did it go yesterday?" Josef asked, directing his attention towards Sabine. "Was it bad? You practically locked yourself in your room once you got back," he pointed out.

Sabine twirled her parasol, "No, actually it all went really splendid," she answered, smiling wistfully. "It was just a little overwhelming, as one could imagine. I needed some time to myself, that's all,"

"And did you tell Booker about your plan before you took off yesterday morning?"

Sabine shook her head, "Look, I came back in the afternoon and he wasn't there-" she started.

"Yes, because he was searching like a madman to find where you gone," Josef cut in, lightly chuckling.

The sound of a crack of the bat could be heard far off in the distance, a game of baseball was being played as spectators cheered in encouragement.

"I wrote down my sister's address and handed it to Nicky for when Bastien inevitably came back home," Sabine continued, tilting the parasol to shield her eyes more. "And he did," she finished.

"That must of been an interesting walk back home," he commented, with a grin.

"I told him, if he had nothing nice to say then I rather not hear him say anything," she replied. "I suggested he air his grievances elsewhere," she said.

"Oh, he did," Josef smiled, nodding his head.

"What did he say about me?"

"In short, he said what you did was rash, irresponsible, and above all else," he listed, lifting a finger in the air. "He was afraid that your expectations were set too high and that you would be heavily disappointed with what you found,"

"Aww," Sabine smiled. "Even when Bastien is angry with me, he still looks out for my best interests. It warms the heart," she said, giving her parasol another twirl.

"Of course he would, he does love you, you know," Josef replied.

"Yes, I know," she laughed softly.

"Now, I'm going to go that ice vendor to see if I can convince him to let me buy two lemon ices," Josef stated.

Sabine followed his stare to a plump, middle-aged man that had a straw boater on top of his dark hair. A handlebar mustache adorned his face and was waxed to perfection.

She looked back at Josef, "I bid thee good luck then," Sabine joked, as she unlinked her arm for his.

Shooting her a grin, he tilted his brown hat towards her before walking off to the vendor leaving her to her own devices. Sabine subtly rocked and forth on her feet, watching people moseying about on the promenade. She made the unfortunate mistake of making eye contact with an older woman who scowled at her almost instantly. Sabine averted hers eyes away and in the direction of little boys playing marbles, the last thing she needed was some old, white woman making a scene over a supposed slight against her.

Suddenly, a grimy hand gripped Sabine by the wrist and she whipped her head around.

It was a haggard man dressed in a tattered Union army uniform, his hair matted and she could see a wild look in his eyes.

"Spare a penny for a vet ma'am?" he asked, his gray irises boring into her.

Sabine glanced around in a futile effort for help, even if "help" did come, she would not be on the receiving end of it. She returned her stare towards the vet, her eyes widening when she realized the left sleeve to his soiled jacket did not house an arm in it, he was an amputee.

"I-I uh, don't have anything to spare, I'm sorry sir," Sabine said, trying to wrestle her wrist from his grip.

His grip tightened, "What do you mean you don't have change to spare?" he questioned, growing angry. "I fought for your people to be free and this is how you repay me!" he snapped.

"I'm sorry sir but I don't have anything to give," Sabine repeated, successfully snatching her wrist away.

The vet sneered, "Uppity negro bitch!" he spat, before hobbling away to beg elsewhere.

Sabine placed her hand on her chest to still her pounding heart, briefly closing her eyes and exhaling deeply.

"Look at what I got!" Josef cheered happily, his voice approaching her. "Two lemon ices, I think my Italian impressed the vendor, he's probably never seen a colored man that spoke the language fluently," he chuckled, as Sabine reopened her eyes. "It's not Delmonico's, the lucky bastards," Josef continued, referring to Nicky, Andy, and Bastien who were meeting someone that had work for them. "Sabine, are you alright?"

"Better now, I was accosted by a man-"

"Where is he?" Josef cut in, his expression turning serious.

Sabine closed her parasol and hanged it from her wrist, "Don't," she warned, taking the frozen treat from him and linking arms. "He's a homeless war vet and white, you're not going to win this fight," Sabine stated, patting his bicep.

"I was just goin-"

"No, what we're going to do is imagine all the meals we would be eating right now if we were allowed into Delmonico's," Sabine corrected, looking up at him expectantly. "I'll start, I want lamb chops, whole plates of them,"

Josef turned away from her and looked down the path in hopes of finding the assailant, but he was long gone, lost within the crowd of people.

Sabine tugged on his arm, "Indulge me, please," she said softly.

He sighed heavily and began leading her away, "I want a steak," he stated, making Sabine giggle. "A big, juicy steak,"

"And what would you have with that steak of yours?" she asked curiously.

"Oh, the creamiest mashed potatoes one could dream of,"

~~~x~~~

Within the time frame of less than a week, this evening marked the night that Sabine was going to meet the rest of her family. During her afternoon tea with her sister yesterday, Emile had told Sabine that her husband and son were both coming home today and she wanted her to meet them. Not to mention, Emile had also believed that enough time had passed that Mama had recovered from the shock of seeing Sabine, and they could be properly introduced now.

"Can you tie this?" Sabine asked, looking over her shoulder.

Her bedroom was illuminated by the few kerosene lamps that sat on top of her dressers. Sabine heard movement behind her before feeling fingers slowly trail down her back and began to lace up her corset.

"You never dress this way for me," Bastien complained.

She chuckled softly, "We don't go anywhere that I'd have to," Sabine pointed out, feeling him tug on her from behind. "Plus, you're dressed to the nines yourself," she reminded, glancing over her shoulder. "You never dress this way for me either," she added, wincing a bit when Bastien pulled the laces tight around her torso.

"Sorry," he apologized immediately, noticing her body tense. "I wish we could dress up more like this," Bastien stated, finishing his work.

"Technically, we could," Sabine responded, affixing a bustle to herself.

Bastien made his way towards her bed where her evening gown was laid out. The dress was green and made of silk taffeta, the neckline was round and the sleeves short. Making his way back towards her, Sabine raised her hands in the air as Bastien lifted it over her head, careful not to mess up her elegant updo. The dress slid on easily and a vast of silk fell onto the floor, covering her feet and trailing behind her.

"Yes, but I want to actually take you somewhere," Bastien said, buttoning the back of her dress. "I want to take you somewhere special, to show you off to the world, without all the stares and scowls," he finished, kissing Sabine's neck.

Sabine turned around and faced Bastien, "Like the two of us being able to sit together in box seats at the opera?" she hinted, with a slight chuckle as she smoothed the dress down around her undergarments.

"Sabine if I could, you know I would," he insisted, grasping her waist.

"I know, I know," Sabine replied, nodding her head understandingly. "This job is a 'whites only' type of a job, meaning Josef and I are out commission. While you three get to infiltrate high society and all the luxuries that come with it," she continued, lightly gripping onto the lapels of his tailcoat. "Have fun with all those stuffy, rich ofays," she wished, a smile peeking from her lips. "Josef and I will enjoy dinner with my family," she finished.

"About this dinner..."

Sabine looked downward, "You don't agree, I know," she said, finishing his sentence with a sigh.

"It's not that," Bastien corrected, lifting her chin to look at him. "I'm worried you're moving too fast, that you're losing yourself in the moment," he explained, enclosing his fingers around her biceps.

"Well of course I am," she agreed. "This is a second chance at being a family-"

"Sabine you're immortal," he interrupted softly, Sabine's mouth opened to argue. "Please let me finish," he requested. "You cannot recreate or rebuild the relationship you once had with your family," Bastien stated firmly, shaking his head.

She looked away from him, biting down her lip. Sabine felt her nose burn with the tears she was holding back from Bastien's bluntness.

"I can try," she countered, her voice cracking.

Bastien took her chin in his hand again and turned her face to him, "I'm sorry, Sabine. I'm so, so sorry, but you can't," he said, cupping her cheeks in both his palms.

"It's not fair," she choked, tears threatening to fall.

Bastien wrapped his arms around her, holding her head to his chest while he stroked her back.

"I know you want this reunion to be like a fairy tale, where you get your happily ever after," he began. "But we don't get those, and I'm sorry fate has chosen this path for you, because you don't deserve it Sabine. You don't," he finished, looking at her sadly.

Tears that she promised herself wouldn't show start to flow down her cheeks and he wiped them away with his thumbs. Sabine let her forehead rest against Bastien as he held her. She was sure Bastien could feel her crying. They stood in silence for several minutes, save for the occasional sniffle from her. When she shed her last tears, she removed her head from his chest slightly.

"I just want this so badly, Bastien," Sabine said, her voice above a whisper. "It's a bittersweet dream come true,"

"I know," he murmured, kissing her forehead.

Sabine sighed, resting her head on Bastien's heart, her grip tightening a little around him.

"I know I don't express my love verbally," she began, slowly bringing her gaze upwards to Bastien. "But I do love you, Bastien," Sabine stated. "And I'm grateful that you're being supportive towards me, even if you disagree," she finished.

Bastien let out a soft exhale, his eyes shining in such a way that Sabine never seen before. Cupping the back of her neck with his other hand, Bastien leaned down and placed a light kiss on Sabine's lips, so tender. The kiss was not deep, they only moved their lips against each other’s slowly. After a few more sweet kisses he pulled back once again to rest his forehead against hers.

He smiled warmly, "Say it again," Bastien said.

"I love you Bastien," Sabine repeated, softly grinning. She kissed him again on the lips. "I love you," she kissed him on his right cheek. "I love you," she kissed him on his left cheek. "I love you," Sabine stood on her tiptoes, kissing his nose and forehead. "I love you..." she whispered, capturing Bastien's lips once more.

Tilting her head, Sabine deepened the kiss and Bastien returned the gesture in equal vigor. His hand traveled from her neck and down to her waist, lightly wrapping around it. Slowly, they parted from one another and she stared into his blue orbs, seeing them gleam. Sabine wondered what it was about Bastien that made her feel this way, was it his loyalty, his compassion, or his devotion. Whatever it was, Sabine hoped that it would last forever for she had never been so happy, content, and in love than ever before.

"I will never get enough of you," Sabine said, nudging her nose against his with a contented hum.

"Neither will I," Bastien whispered, almost non-audible. "Now, go enjoy your dinner,"

~~~x~~~

Hearty laughter echoed in the dining room along with the clinking of utensils on dinner plates.

The first course, a soup of creamed mushroom, had been served and conversation at the Freemen table had flowed pleasantly, giving controversial topics a wide berth. Thankfully, Sabine and Josef were seated next to each other, putting her at ease that she was close to a familiar face. On her left, sat Jimmy, a charming young man. Sabine could tell he was a bit of a rake due to his constant double entendres that were just enough to remain both humorous and respectful. Despite all of that, she found herself feeling refreshed at his conversation. He talked of his various travels and the people he met with great excitement.

"Miss Jones," a booming voice called, causing Sabine to look up from the rim of her wine glass.

She met the eyes of her father, who sat at the head of the table. Fine, gray hair haloed his head, instead of the thick curls he had passed down to her. His face was lined with heavy wrinkles, an indicator of the hard life he had been through, but there was one thing about him that hadn't changed. It was his eyes. Those same kind eyes sparkled with spirit even though forty-four years had passed since she last seen them.

"Emile has been telling me that you're a ward to a white woman," he stated, just as the second course was being served.

A hush fell across the room, everyone's attention turned towards her awaiting her response.

Sabine briefly glanced at Josef, "Please, call me Edith, Mr. Freemen," Sabine said, placing her glass down onto the table. "And yes, it's true, I'm Mrs. Scott's charge," she answered.

Emile's husband, Lee, raised his eyebrows. "I'm curious as to why she would take a colored girl into her care," he said.

"Maybe she wants to relive the glory days," Jimmy suggested, before sipping from his wine.

"Jimmy!" Emile admonished, glaring at her son.

Sabine shook her head, "It's fine Emile, I wasn't offended," she reassured. "My parents died when I was very young, I believe sickness took them both," Sabine said.

"You poor child," Mama commented softly.

"I was in a orphanage when she found me," Sabine informed. "She was a lonely, childless, war widow and wanted a companion. I don't know what made her go to a colored orphanage, but I suppose it was just luck of the draw for me," she recounted. "She has treated me as if I were one of her own ever since, and for that I am grateful," Sabine finished, telling her "life story" to everyone.

"Quite the life you have lived," Papa said, Sabine only nodded in agreement. "What about you, Mr. Campbell?" He asked, turning his attention to Josef. "How did you come to meet Edith here?" he questioned.

"I'm the family doctor," Josef replied, sitting up in his chair. "Mrs. Scott knew how white doctors would treat Edith, or should I say, wouldn't treat her. So, Mrs. Scott employed me for my services," he explained.

"An excellent profession Mr. Campbell!" Jimmy cheered, sending a smile his way. "We need more colored doctors in America," he added.

"I've been meaning to ask Mr. Campbell," Emile began. "Are you from this country? I've seen hundreds of colored men and none look quite like you," she pointed out.

"No," Josef responded, shaking his head. "I'm from Africa,"

"The Motherland," Mama hummed, her lips curving upwards.

"What about that man you left with Edith? One of the maids noted he had a slight accent," Emile recalled.

"Oh, that's Mr. Greene," Sabine named. "He's French,"

"You have a white butler?" Jimmy asked, chuckling in amusement.

"Now that, would be a sight to see, but no, Mr. Greene is not our butler," Sabine clarified, laughing herself. "He's my guardian, a second pair of eyes for Mrs. Scott, if you will. He makes sure that I don't get myself into trouble," she explained, which wasn't a complete lie.

"You keep quite the company, don't you?" Lee asked, with a smile. "Anyone else noteworthy?"

"Well there's an Italian," Josef chimed in.

A slight laugh escaped Lee, "My god, all you need is a Chinaman and you all would make quite the colorful party," he said.

"We would, wouldn't we?" Sabine responded, joining in with his laughter. "That's actually why we moved from our previous home to New York," she stated. "Less stares here and easier to get lost in the crowd,"

"How long do you all plan on staying here?" Mama asked curiously.

"Just until the beginning of next year," Sabine answered. "Mrs. Scott wants to go Europe,"

"It seems we have no choice but to treasure every second we spend with you, Edith," Mama declared, smiling warmly at her.

Sabine grinned back, "I wouldn't have it any other way," she agreed.

"Plus, it would do you some good wouldn't it Edith?" Jimmy began. "Spending time with folks who look like you,"

"We'll be your home, away from home," Emile said. "A second family," she finished.

"Oh, if they only knew," Sabine thought.

Sabine picked up her wine glass, "Emile, words cannot describe how happy that would make me," she grinned, before raising her glass. "To the Freemen's!" she cheered.

"To the Freemen's!"

Chapter Fifteen: A Journey’s End

[mc-critical]

Hello, I just found your blog and I like it very much, it’s very interesting to read!!!. My question is : what is your opinion on Ahmed and Kosem’s relationship? Do you think he truly loves her? What do you think about him seeing other women? And what do you think about his relationship with these women (Mahfiruz, Katerina, Gulbahar and Yasemin).

Thank you for liking my stuff!

I think that, just like Süleiman, Ahmet loves Kösem in his own way. It's not as toxic or problematic or often questionable writing-wise as Süleiman's love for Hürrem, but it still has both its ups and downs that make it interesting to explore.

Ahmet and Kösem is perhaps the love story where the writers made the most effort to mask the possible worse aspects of. It could even be considered actually romantic at points, with their amazing first scenes in the gardens and the amazing chemistry of Ekin Koç and Anastasia Tsilimpou, the beginning sense of wonder and "mystery" it started out with.... when she first met him, Anastasia didn't know he was the sultan and put all her trust in him - a certainly good first impression. Ahmet himself is also very far from Süleiman's direct endeavors and tests of loyalty, he tries his best to be respectful in his own way, despite that he fails to do that a bunch of times. That's why it's easy to miss the darker aspects of the relationship at first and it could be perceived as probably the only thing in the franchise that is remotely close to a "fairytale" of sorts.

However, when the curtains start to fall slowly, but surely, we come to realize that while, say, Hürrem learns to want what Süleiman wants, to be fully loyal to him and to cave to his demands just like he often caves to her own, Ahmet and Kösem as characters have entirely different values and needs throughout their whole relationship. The fact that Ahmet wanted Anastasia because of a picture, without him having ever met her, is incredibly telling: he has created an ideal of her in his own head from the start and he wants to consistently maintain it. When he's with her, it's as if he's living his own dream, his own perfect world that has place only for him and that young girl. (that's why the garden is so symbolic: Ahmet calls it a place of solitude, only for himself almost immediately after the audience is introduced to it; also that line from him: "The world is on one side, Kösem - on the other." - quoting by memory again, but the meaning is the same) Their world views gained from their past and present environments begin to clash from the moment she finds out he's a Sultan - she wants to desperately go back to her family, both because all of them are still alive and her free spirit that cannot bear to live in this golden cage. Ahmet doesn't let her go also because he lacks the understanding of this desire: he has grown in the strict Ottoman system and having people like Anastasia stay in the harem forever is something he finds perfectly natural; for him it's unthinkable to stand against it. But despite of that "minor offense", Ahmet's idea of Anastasia's "purity" and "perfection" was working for awhile, with her seeming to meet his expectations and slowly warm up to him. But the real truth is way stronger than your own made-up lies. Anastasia's pleas to let her go only get stronger until they reach their climax with her attempt to escape. And you know what? If it weren't for her contrived, yet convenient excuse to come back to him, he would've lost her. Helplessly, in a blink of an eye, he would've lost her, due to what she sees as sheer ignorance from his part. And when she gains her own bit of agency later in the season and becomes Kösem, when she develops and realizes the actual stakes of the game, beginning to play it herself due to survival by default and the will for revenge, Ahmet's "perfect picture" breaks apart and that apparently hurt him so much, he stayed mad at her for quite some time. This wasn't the person he knew and loved anymore, this was an entirely new, reborn woman. He didn't seem to love and respect her for the virtues she actually possessed, but for those that he had imagined her to always have in his head. That is another, more "subtle" level of toxicity than with Hürrem and Süleiman, but it's still toxicity, that's why this relationship is far from healthy and the "beautiful, but quirky" dynamic it sets the impression of.

Kösem's view of Ahmet is very interesting and complex, writing-wise. I actually don't think she grew to love him as much. The place she forcibly got in made her feel very limited by him mostly, since he was the reason she was here in the first place and he was calling the shots in terms of her future (whether she would visit her family or not?). What made her become a bit affectionate wasn't fully him himself, but rather the oh-so-prominent theme of adaption in the harem. She wanted to escape so desperately, but there were so many happenings and situations during the time she was in the harem that just demanded for her to get used to everything. So when Iskender gave her the chance to escape, she as become used to the harem's environment so much, she felt unsure of herself outside of it. Her return was out of necessity rather than love and even her standing up to the people when Ahmet was sick was done out of necessity, too (like I elaborated in another ask about Kösem). I'm not saying that she didn't feel any affection whatsoever, but the affection she felt for him was easy to let go of (E25: "Today I didn't marry only Sultan Ahmet, I married the country!"), because I don't think Ahmet did his best efforts to understand her and I don't think Kösem felt completely comfortable around him, all that contrasted with Kemankeş in S02, who according to her, understands her better than anyone ever could.

Ahmet loves Kösem, because even after his perfect picture with her was broken and his anger and denial and refusal to accept it passed, he did try to make things better. What I loved most about his dynamic with Kösem, is his open honesty with her that continued till the end. There have been scenes where they seemed like true companions, especially their beginning one in E21 with all the kids gathered around them. I loved that despite of his mistakes, he did try to set things right. There was this sudden protectiveness that activated in him when Kösem told him the truth about the death of his father and why she acted the way she did and that could mean she now became something of a "cinnamon roll he just protect" and that is certainly a flawed mindset to have in many aspects, but that showed he could actually care for her beyond his idealistic perspective of her.

Am I okay with Ahmet having other women? Honestly, I'm glad that MCK lowered the concubine arcs to a minimum and with the way they did it, it doesn't offend me as much. I would even love some of them to be more developed for a change, because they did turn out to be solely drama tools, thanks to their lesser episodes and MCK's different themes as a whole, that basically did their purpose and left, instead of stretch out and outstay their welcome and that is just the other extreme in a bad disguise.

I won't talk about the relationship he had with his other women as much, because they just aren't fleshed out. I would've liked to see more of Ahmet and Mahfiruze: I believe he was way more decent with her than say, Süleiman was with Mahidevran, and their scenes weren't half bad. Too bad that would've demanded Mahfiruze herself to be fleshed out more as a character and the writers to give her more of a place in the narrative. Katerina was present only for an episode (or was it two episodes?) and we don't have as much conclusions to drive here. We only have his mild infatuation with her and... that's it? We have no idea what Katerina actually felt or how their dynamic would play out in the long run. We can only speculate. Gülbahar, by contrast, also had the least screentime of all his women who have comparatively minimal screentime, but her exploration in S02 helps us gain a better idea of how it went between them. I have the impression that she was the least favourite concubine of Ahmet's, ever. She did succeed to get pregnant and have a child, but it probably was a one and done thing and she didn't seem to get any other grasp of manly affection since then. Which is why, along with them taking away Bayezid from her by exiling her, she was so focused on scheming for one particular goal and this became what defined her. But then again, that is still a speculation in my part. Now, with Yasemin we have much more on-screen chemistry and interaction: that relationship felt very similar with what Süleiman thought of Firuze - infatuation, massive infatuation, but still not love, because just like Firuze, Yasemin also gave him poison and we don't know how much the poison affected his psyche, along with the sickness it brought upon him. These relationships have the opposite problem MC's concubine arcs had: these women were all unfavored or favored very temporarily in the span of an episode or two, which made them very stale and lacking in material.

Lastly, while MCK in its entirety, isn't very big on love stories, Kösem and Ahmet's relationship still had an evolution throughout S01, even if that evolution was more "condensed" than the others similar to it. It still remains the most fleshed out love story in the show, along with Kösem and Kemankeş's, and it was a very important part of the story that helped shape much of the narrative that succeeds it.