#Interpersonal Communication Techniques

[jenny-osborne]

The Art of Effective Communication

Embarking on my journey to hone the art of effective communication, I discovered a transformative approach through the eyes of renowned communicators like Melina Leyva and M. A. Velasquez. The insights they offered reshaped my perspective, underscoring the need to deliver clear and concise messages. As I integrated their strategies into my own communication skills training, I found that a deep…

[worldisahouseonfire]

I think something has happened to me, from a lifetime of trying to communicate with people who seemed committed to misunderstand me. I say one thing, and the way they respond, it's like they were listening to another audio track, or radio frequency. I think something happens when nothing a person says gets understood, believed, acknowledged, for years on end.

It becomes impossible for me to understand what even the point is of language. The more I try to correct, the less I make sense, even to myself anymore. And I worry that all the reasons people gave for not understanding me only served to make me more anxious and difficult to understand, even for people who wanted to make an effort.

I read things that Mel Baggs and other disabled writers wrote, and they're things that make sense with what I'm going through now. On the one hand it's validating to know I'm not the only one experiencing these things. On the other hand, many of those disabled writers are now dead, and the people who should be reading their words never have and possibly never will. If I send posts to people and they refuse to read them, and refuse to listen to me and what I can now quote from memory, then what would be the point of me writing or speaking at all?

I think a lot of people lose their voices and words this way.

I think a lot of people die this way.

Not because they're not articulate, not because they lack insight into what's happening around them, but because the people crammed in thickly around them are determined to misunderstand them, until the frustration boils over, meltdowns and 'behaviors' are had, and this is used as justification for chemical restraint, institutionalization, coercive control, and brilliant minds are vanished to silence their voices.

I don't want this to happen to me.

I think this is something that's been happening throughout the history of language and oppression to a lot of people, and it's a dangerous razor's edge to walk sometimes. Every word. Every facial expression. Every tone. Every movement. Every variation in volume. Where it's not merely about the perception of people in the immediate vicinity, but what they can write into charts and notes. What they can report to doctors, paramedics, agencies, therapists, and the sort of kangaroo courts that preside over involuntary commitment, guardianship, conservatorship.

Where anything you do or say or write, and even how you do it, can and will be used against you in the court of public opinion, so easily manipulated by those who can benefit from shutting someone up and away.

No staff have to be smart to do this. All they have to do is be more credible than those in their care. And this credibility is a function of their position. It's built into disability support services and welfare agencies, places and systems where we wind up when there is nowhere else to turn.

I live in an adult residential facility. When I was placed here, it was supposed to be temporary, to get me out of a dangerous shelter, to keep me off the streets and out of some inpatient situation. Much was not disclosed to me until after I was shuffled in. I am still legally my own person, and I'm alone.

The facility is getting paid over $10k a month for my board and care.

This facility has the highest restriction possible for a facility of this type, in order to be able to charge the maximum legal amount.

I have been here over a year. In that time I have not been able to access actual medical care.

Even in this expensive area, that much money a month could have paid rent, paid for a car and a printer/scanner, and paid for a graduate student from a nearby prestigious university to come over for a couple of hours twice a week to help me unfuck my life and actually access care.

When a business provides care for profit, they keep whatever they don't spend on those in their care. They keep whatever they don't spend on the staff salaries or training. They can hire people who don't even speak English, can barely read or write, and staff will be motivated to do whatever they're told by those who sign their checks. They see just how easily they could wind up in much worse jobs, working for people who haven't been groomed into terrified passivity, under the watchful metal eyes of Ring cameras in almost every room, whose footage is only accessible to the people signing the checks.

It doesn't matter what I say, what I understand, what I write. It doesn't matter what I experience.

All that matters is I have disabilities and I am poor. That is what is heard, instead of me. Like a loud, insistent, ringing alarm that drowns out my attempts to communicate. Like something that, once you know it, you can't ever un-know it, that undermines any willingness to understand, to feel respect for what I'm going through. Pity feels degrading, demeaning to put up with. It places me beneath the person feeling it, expressing it, exuding it.

It doesn't matter that I feel like a veteran of some of the worst shit imaginable, like I was born into a war on my very self, and I have largely had to fight and survive it alone.

Mel Baggs wrote about something -- I think sie called it the 'rule of two.' Where when there is just one other person accompanying you into a situation with a care provider, a doctor, someone in a position of power, then we get listened to more, treated a little more fairly. And the person doing the accompaniment may be mystified, if the expected discrimination and interpersonal badness doesn't actually happen. They may think we were exaggerating for dramatic effect.

But people thought that about femmes' overwhelming experiences of sexual harassment and assault, and Black people's overwhelming experiences of cop violence and harassment violence. It's not an accident that it mostly only happens when someone with too much power is alone with someone who is not considered a credible reporter of their own reality.

As a trans human I experience this also. As I child I experienced this with my abusers. And many, many, many disabled and chronically ill people experience this with care providers and caregivers, compounded the more marginalized and disbelieved we are in other ways.

I think there's a strong, strong tendency to want to differentiate and distance from people sharing stories of interpersonal harm. I don't think it's necessarily conscious, which is part of what makes it so difficult to interrupt. I think there's an instinctive, socialized, acculturated response that happens, in the knee-jerk responses people have to being told that a human is hurting another human. Interrogating details, heaping pity and unsolicited advice, a listener trying to feel safe again in their own experiences, in their own skin, in their own humanity. Trying to find reasons the victim of misfortunate brought it on themself, choices and mistakes the listener will of course never make. Never to live like that, or lose their job, or wear that, at that time of night in that neighborhood, with a person who in hindsight is easily evaluated as dangerous and harmful.

I don't know what to do or say about this. I think the more we ignore the reality that people don't have to mean harm to do harm, the more harm can proliferate. Like ignoring that termites can eat wood will wind up ensuring the house gets chewed to pieces around you -- like ignoring that black mold can grow in damp poorly-cleaned places inevitably ensures an equally unhealthy home -- ignoring the ways we all fuck up and fail to course-correct ensures that it's going to keep going, and going to get a whole lot worse, and eventually it won't be people making choices you're careful not to make yourself.

Eventually we will all harm others, and be harmed by others.

Denial is something that goes around and comes around. It seems like a harmless habit at first. But eventually you wind up dependent on so much denial, and so many people cooperating in that denial, that when some really bad shit goes down, you're alone.

And you're stuck in a place you can't leave.

And there's nowhere else to go.

And things are happening that are so bad that they are unbelievable, because everyone seems so Nice™ and everything looks so Pleasant™ whenever anyone with any power is watching. And the people who are saying that this shit ain't kosher struggle to string words together in a way that makes sense, and seem constantly afraid that if they speak up, things will get worse for them.

They seem, on the surface, quite Mad and unreliable. Paranoid, even. In spite of the fact that there are literal cameras watching them, and people 24/7 monitoring them and writing little notes in files that are kept under lock and key, that the subjects themselves can't see and can't contribute to.

And one of those subjects is you.

And people who don't have to live like you do tell you to be patient. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month.

They ask, over and over, if anything bad has happened. But they don't seem to understand or even believe the things you do say, or if they do, then what they do about it makes things even worse for you.

If you're lucky -- very lucky -- you have held onto a laptop computer, and have managed to stay off the worst of the mind-scrambling drugs by staying quiet and keeping to a minimum interactions with the people in a position to panic and administer those drugs. If you're very lucky, you have a lifelong habit of responding to confusion and anxiety by reading and reaching out online to find other people writing about situations like yours.

Unfortunately a lot of the people in situations like yours are just as disbelieved and anxious and afraid and wound so tight you and they set each other off all the time. It will be like interacting with other burn victims while still trapped in the burning house. You will argue over whose burns are worse and how far away you have to stay from each other, and who should get priority for any ointments and bandages hurled in through the flames. (Metaphorically speaking.)

You will realize just how many of you there are. And you will find writing by people who are now just charred skeletons, who never made it out. You will wonder how many others didn't have the great good fortune to have words to put to paper, who died voiceless, stories untold.

You will try to help each other, but there will never be enough soothing or healing or supplies or support to go around. You will wind up hurting others. You may wind up feeling just as awful as the people who are calling platitudes on the outside, telling you to just be patient, asking who set the fire, and not believing you when you tell them that the arsonists, wearing flameproof suits, are still wandering through the house setting and feeding fires.

They will tell you that those people are firefighters.

The arsonists will tell you they are fighting fire with fire.

This will seem like absolute bullshit. No one who's not an arsonist is coming into the inferno anymore, so there's no one to tell except each other. But it feels horrible to keep harping on it, so doing almost anything else, anything distracting, is essential so as not to just lie down and feed your pain-wracked exhausted flesh to the flames.

You will get really, really pissed about the trollish people who ring the house and mock you and others like you for 'letting' this happen to you. You will yell back sometimes, and they will become absolutely unhinged and go round up their trollish friends to investigate your entire life and say horrible things about your personal private business, both to you and everyone in earshot.

You will, understandably, be feeling a bit misanthropic and apathetic.

You will probably hate people who tell you that the only fire is a bad attitude, and that if you wanted to get up and leave, you could.

You will probably hate people who think you need a therapist to fix your way of thinking about and responding to being in hell.

On the bright side, you will probably come around to appreciate the really dark humor of the people you're burning with. Laughs will be your only morphine, sometimes, and they may sound maniacal, because you all need them so bad.

You will probably wonder if this is actually what Madness is -- pain whose context is not understood and experienced by others.

And if you are lucky, and have the capacity for it, you may read and listen to things Mad people have written and said through history.

You might come to think that the real madness lies not in your perception of what's actually happening, but the yahoos outside calling syrupy-sweet reassurances and platitudes in to all of you, chasing the denial dragon like absolute fiends.

You may wonder if there was ever a time when your world was not a house on fire, or if it was just a dream you once had.

You might write. You might sing. You might cry. You might rock. You might roll. You might sleep. You might even come to enjoy your nightmares, because at least they go away when you wake up into the nightmare that never ends, and they're a change of fuckery.

You may develop more of a taste for swearing, especially really creative swears. They will be honest.

You may start writing and be unable to stop.

You may despair, knowing that no one has the patience and attention span and desire to read that much anymore. Especially if there aren't any cat pictures to go along with it.

You may post it anyway. And include a cat picture at the end as a reward or apology for anyone who read all the way through. Gods only know what someone who read all the way through this is going through (as long as they're not out trollin' & hatin').

And even though you don't know them, and may never compare burn scars with them, or trade cool rocks with them, you'll feel love for them, as I love you, right now. And you'll hope, as I do, that your love -- so painfully necessary to feel right now -- is received with understanding, and can be passed on, as it was to me, as I pass it on to you.

You matter. Your voice matters. Your words matter. What you have to communicate without words matters. It really fucking sucks that you're stuck where you are, wherever you are. I hope one day you get out, and laugh in the rain, and cry in the sun, and do all the things you love and want to do. You are human, and you matter.

Here it is, your moment of cat:

[justposting1]

How to Set Boundaries & Stop People Pleasing

Learn to set boundaries, stop people pleasing, and have healthier relationships with others and yourself 💞 Today, we’re diving into the important topic of boundaries—how to set healthier ones, foster better relationships, stop acting out of guilt or obligation, and break free from people-pleasing habits. If you find it hard to say “no,” then this is for you. Hi, loves! Welcome back. I’m excited…

[fastlane-freedom]

Mastering the Art of Conflict Resolution – Fastlane Freedom

Conflict is an inevitable part of human interaction, arising from differences in opinions, values, and goals. Whether it occurs in personal relationships, workplaces, or communities, conflict can disrupt harmony and hinder progress. However, conflict resolution, a skilful and strategic approach to addressing disputes, can transform confrontations into opportunities for growth, understanding, and…

[literaryvein-reblogs]

When your Character "Lacks Empathy"

A person who lacks empathy - has a difficult time taking on another person’s feelings as their own.

They may struggle with the cognitive and emotional skills to understand, relate, and mutually share in another person’s experience to better understand their emotional pain.

Types of Empathy

There are three common types of empathy that a person may lack:

Cognitive empathy: Also known as perspective-taking, cognitive empathy relies on the listener’s capacity to relate to another person’s perspective without imposing their own experience, point of view, or biases.

Compassionate empathy: A hybrid of cognitive and emotional empathy, compassionate empathy requires analyzing the underlying cause and effect of a situation. After someone explains their circumstances, you can demonstrate that you understand their situation on some level in an unbiased manner.

Emotional empathy: An emotionally empathetic person can mirror another’s struggles. This means they can care for another’s well-being through shared experience of emotional situations.

Signs of Lack of Empathy

While there are many different signs that a person lacks empathy, here are a few common traits that unempathetic people may display:

An inability to understand others: A person who lacks empathy may struggle to understand other people’s feelings, problems, or life situations.

Difficulty regulating emotions: Someone who lacks empathy often has a hard time understanding or regulating their own emotions.

Excessive criticism: Those who lack empathy may criticize others harshly and often. They rarely use validation to make others feel seen or heard.

Impatience: A person who lacks empathy may be extremely impatient with other people, their difficulties, and their emotions.

Minimal forgiveness: Those who lack empathy are often unwilling to forgive others for their mistakes or weaknesses or remember that other people are also human beings.

Poor listening skills: Many people who lack empathy have a hard time listening to other people, whether they’re sharing triumphs or struggles.

Self-centeredness: A person who lacks empathy is often self-centered or self-focused and has a difficult time considering other people.

Victim-blaming: Those who lack empathy are often quick to blame the victim in a situation, rather than considering the perpetrator or system.

Some Causes of a Lack of Empathy

There are many causes of an empathy deficit. They include but are not limited to:

A personality disorder: Some people who struggle to empathize with others may have a personality disorder that inhibits their ability to connect or communicate. Common personality disorders include narcissistic personality disorder (NPD or narcissism), antisocial personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder (or BPD).

Autism spectrum disorder: Individuals on the autism spectrum may experience different levels of empathy, interpersonal skills, and emotional intelligence.

Lack of awareness: Many people who lack empathy simply don’t realize it and therefore haven’t spent time and energy working to develop empathy. Self-awareness is a key step toward empathy.

Lack of role models: Many people who are unempathetic have not had strong role models for empathetic behavior in their lives—or have had many models of unempathetic behavior instead.

Impact of Lack of Empathy

Empathy is a foundational component to feeling compassion for others, building trust with others, and helping loved ones through hard times.

Without a sense of empathy, a person will struggle to care about anyone other than themselves, and may find it difficult to care about helping or listening to others.

This lack of empathy can severely affect their ability to maintain healthy relationships with others or effect positive change in their community.

Addressing a Lack of Empathy

If you find that someone you know—whether a family member or a coworker—is struggling to be an empathetic person, here are a few techniques you can use to help encourage their sense of empathy:

Address it directly. Many people who lack empathy are simply unaware of themselves or the struggles around them. While it may be hard, consider sitting down one-on-one with the people in your life who lack empathy and talk candidly about the situation. Be patient, kind, and empathetic in your conversation—even if they’re upset, the honest realization that they struggle to experience empathy is the first step toward actively developing the skill.

Model empathic behavior. One of the strongest ways for a person to develop empathy and emotional connections with others is to surround themselves with good role models of empathetic behavior. To help someone who struggles to be empathetic, display empathy in your conversations with them and in your interactions with others, being kind and generous to show them what it looks like.

Practice identifying emotions. Many people who lack empathy struggle to understand others’ emotions and where they come from. They may interpret someone who’s scared as being angry or someone who’s hurt as being aggressive. To help develop their ability to understand others’ emotions, practice identifying emotional reactions in others and discussing potential causes. For example, if a friend is having a hard time, talk through it with the person to identify how that friend might be feeling and why. You can also consider discussing ways in which you both could help.

Recommend professional help. Some people may lack empathy due to a mental health difficulty or major stressor in their life. Consider recommending a visit to a mental health professional or empathy coach to help them get their life back on track and make more room for empathy in their interactions with others.

Source ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

[borderlinereminders]

The DBT Cope Ahead skill is the one that I found most helpful at the beginning of my journey. Though this did involve some knowledge of others skills to do, it helped me be prepared for strong emotions and tough situations.

One of the things I recommend the most when giving advice is planning ahead. Planning out grounding techniques or coping skills that you can use to make it easier to recall and use those skills in stressful situations. This skill does that, but also makes plans for specific situations.

This skill is intended to help us plan for certain situations that invoke certain feelings. It can help us be prepared for stress. This goal of this skill is to formulate a plan so that we can effectively use our skills.

Step One - Think of a situation that may spark uncomfortable emotions.

This might be one that you know you've had before (like a struggle in a relationship, or something you struggle to cope with, or any number of things you think you could use help preparing for.) Then describe the situation. When describing the situation, try to identify feelings you think would be likely to come up. If relevant to you, what urges may come up as well? Perhaps you know that in the past you've felt angry. Maybe you know you've had a panic attack before. Maybe you know you've had urges to do something destructive.

Step Two - Decide what coping or skills you might use

For me, I sit down and I think about what the problems are, and then I look at how I can solve those problems.

If you know that you feel angry, how could you cope with that? For me, I know that walking away to collect my thoughts is the best way for me to handle my anger so I might write down that's what I'd do. I also may know I'd have urges to say something harmful, or lash out. In that case, I'd write down that I'd use my urge surfing skill.

If it's a relationship issue, what skills could you utilize to solve the problem? Skills like DEAR MAN can be effective for communicating effectively. Other interpersonal skills may also be useful here! FAST and GIVE are two others ones I like to use.

If I know I'll struggle to make a decision on what to do, I might also plan to use a skill like WISE MIND.

If it's something like I know I spiral anytime a friend cancels a plan, or something like that, I might familiarize myself with Check the Facts.

There are a lot of DBT skills, and coping methods outside of DBT that can be useful. Planning ahead can make it easier to recall what skills to use, and having practiced them beforehand can help make them easier to apply in a stressful situation.

Step Three - Imagine the scenario and rehearse how you'd handle it.

How do the skills you've picked fit into the possible situation? If it's a skill like WISE MIND, or DEAR MAN that have multiple steps to them, maybe write out how those steps may play out.

Practice this until you feel you could apply this skill. It's okay if this step isn't perfect. In fact, it's normal. It's okay to need to try and it a few times. It's okay for this skill to be a work in progress.

See below the read more for an example situation:

Step One - I know my friend has mentioned coming down with something. It's really possible that she cancels our plans this weekend. I know that if that happens, despite there being a valid reason, I start spiraling and thinking that she hates me. This spiraling can lead to me panicking, or lashing out.

Step Two - One way I can cope is to use my Urge Surfing skill to resist my urges to lash out at her. I can also use Check the Facts so that I can challenge the irrational thoughts. Another way I cope is by re-reading screenshots that affirm that she cares about me. If I still feel it's not resolved, I can ask my friend for reassurance in a healthy, non confrontational way.

Step Three - If my friend cancels my plans, I will tell her "Thank you for letting me know. I'm disappointed I won't get to see you, but I really hope that you feel better soon!"

Then I will step away to collect my thoughts, and take some deep breaths. I might use my 54321 method to ground myself. If I begin having urges to lash out and say "Okay, I get that you don't want to see me", I'll use my urge surfing skill and remind myself that I can ride this wave. Having an urge doesn't mean I need to act on it, and then I will remind myself it will pass.

I will open up the note on my phone that walks me through Check the Facts. Using this skill will help me challenge my thoughts. It will remind me that my spiraling thoughts that she always cancels and doesn't want to see me aren't true because she hung out with me recently. The fact that it feels she always cancels doesn't mean it's true. I might realize that while my emotions are valid, they don't "fit the facts". If I'm struggle to check the facts, I will reach out to my other friend to help me check the facts.

If after this, I am still feeling insecure or like spiraling, I might reach out to my friend and say 'Hey, I'm having a bad brain day. When you have some energy, could you please give me some reassurance?"

I might also ask if we can plan another hang out for when she's feeling better. Having a future plan might help my anxiety.

Knowing she is sick means she might not have the energy to answer me, and I will be prepared with other coping methods if that happens so I don't spiral. I will reach out to my other friend, put on a comfort show to distract myself, or use another self-soothing technique.

[theastrohub]

2024 Paris Olympics: the astrology of a gold medalist and star athlete.

disclaimer: I am not glorifying struggle or pain in any way shape or form. these are @astrobaeza's personal opinions and observations.

✦ mars in first house / mars dominant / capricorn mars : a first house mars or being mars dominant makes for someone who is openly energetic, driven, passionate, and physically vital. mars is exalted in capricorn, making for someone who naturally has a lot of drive and energy and physical strength.

✦ mars in fire sign + mars in fire house (1st, 5th, 9th) : (1st covered above) Mars in the 5th house gives someone a lot of energy and passion related to hobbies and fun, including something like sports. similar to mars in first or aries, it makes for someone who has a lot of energy. the fire houses give drive and energy, as they are good houses for your mars: mars in the 1st adds aries qualities, mars in the 5th adds Leo qualities, and mars in the 9th adds Sagittarius qualities.

✦ mutable placements, especially sun and rising (gemini, pisces, sagittarius) : makes for adaptability, agility, resilience, ease in things like training for improvement. can perform well in a variety of sports. there is an ease of embracing new techniques, training methods, and other strategies for performance enhancement. fast learning and integration of teachings. strong communication skills that builds interpersonal relationships prevalent in athletics like athlete to coach, athlete to athlete, referee to athlete and so forth. for example, both Suni Lee and Simone Biles are Pisces suns and gemini moons.

✦ 12h placements : 12th house placements makes for someone with ease in the foundational things of being an athlete like recovery and healing, mental resilience, strong intuition and decision-making skills and focus. this also makes for someone that has a spiritual drive to succeed, seeing athletics as their calling in life. for example, muhammad ali, the pro-boxer, was known for his spiritual teachings and dedication towards the islamic faith. this is why you will see a lot of very spiritual and religious athletes, athletes that openly renounce "their God" when they win.

✦ mars pluto positive aspects : almost like having a scorpio mars, this makes for someone with a powerful drive to compete and win. can translate to having stores of energy ready for use at any given moment, strong intuition for quick decision-making, and a strong desire for improvement and transformation. this also makes for an athlete that can positively impact others / be a role-model through their own hard work.

✦ personal planets in aquarius and the 11th house : makes for a good team-mate and someone with a strong understanding of how groups work. someone who's well-liked by the public, could make for a strong "team captain", pointguard, QB, etc. the 11th house also indicates long-term goals and gains, and being a professional athlete takes pretty much a lifetime of dedication and practice. this could also make for someone who can be ahead of trends in the athletics-adjacent matters like team image and bonding routines.

✦ positive 6th house placements : the sixth house pertains to daily routines, work and physical health. a well-placed and aspected personal planet(s) makes for someone who excels in activities that require discipline and routine like athletics.

✦ cardinal t-squares : the integration of "tension" or "difficulties" in the natal chart through planetary aspects can make for someone with a unique skill set appropriate for athleticism: determination, ability to overcome obstacles, diligence, endurance, mental fortitude, and emotional strength.

:჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻:჻჻:჻:჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻:჻჻:

[ credits @astrobaeza ₊ PAIDSERVICES ₊ masterlist ₊ tips ₊ gif by @buffyann23 ]

[brucewaynehater101]

https://www.tumblr.com/lectorel/40869693006/heartslogos-flash-of-thought?source=share

This seemed like something you and your other followers might like

Well, hot damn.

Tw: abuse, child abuse, touch starvation

As a summary of the thread, various users contrast Jason & Bruce, Tim & Bruce, Bruce & other batkids, and Tim & Elliot, specifically with physical affection. The consensus is that Jason and Bruce are tactile with each other, Tim and Bruce are touch adverse, and it would be hella fucked up if Elliot utilized Tim's touch starvation to manipulate Tim.

Thank you for sharing, anon. Now to explore!

I'll get to Tim in a sec, but let me add angst for Jason & Bruce:

"Bruce and Jason are more-or-less automatically tactile with each other," which is why they get into far more physical fights than Bruce does with the others [this could also apply to Dick]. Note that this doesn't excuse the behavior.

Jason and Bruce communicate their care, their worry, and their affection through touch (a hug, a shoulder pat, a hair ruffle). Therefore, with how unhealthy they are about emotions and interpersonal communication, they state their grief, their anger, and their fear through touch (a shove, a punch, a slap).

Alright! Now Tim :)

Touch-starved, parentified, placeholder Tim not receiving physical affection from Bruce like the others, internalizing that this is due to Tim's temporary role or an intrinsic part of himself, and not knowing how to/if he can ask for physical affection. This kid would be fucked up :(

As the thread theorizes, this could be displayed in three concerning behaviors/reactions:

He negatively views physical affection from Bruce - it's a threat or only granted if shit has hit the fan

He may manipulate situations to 'earn' himself more touch

He is more vulnerable to being manipulated using a tactile technique

With all of this in mind, there can be some really lovely and extremely toxic AUs with Tim and his relationships with others (either an evil father figure or the Bats). It just gnaws on your brain, don't it?

[oceangemstone]

therapy resources / schema therapy / dbt/dialectical behaviour therapy / internal family systems / meditation / c-ptsd etc. resources

this is a link to my personal google drive, it has lots of dbt stuff, some random other resources that either i or my friends have found helpful incl. DID/OSDD/dissociation resources, & some handouts from a personality disorder program i did (was aimed at pplwbpd officially but the staff all refer to it as the "personality disorder clinic", fwiw)

bunch of other stuff under the cut including video content if that's more your thing

DBT stuff

this subreddit is a wonderful community, usually helpful with questions & has some resources linked also:

https://www.reddit.com/r/dbtselfhelp/ https://dbtselfhelp.com/

TIPP skills (from dbt/distress tolerance unit but deserves distinction. biochemical benefit > psychological benefit. at least for me)

https://manhattancbt.com/dbt-tipp-skills/ https://in.nau.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/202/TIP-Skills.pdf

also emotional freedom tapping / eft (not a tipp skill iirc but it should be, one of the few things that kinda works for me)

https://www.health.com/emotional-freedom-technique-8399985

SCHEMA THERAPY

"client's guide to schema therapy"

https://disarmingthenarcissist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/clientsguideSchemaTherapy.pdf

(the website name is very questionable but i can't find the pdf for free anywhere else orz. this is a good starting point for schema therapy tho. sorry y'all. i will steal it for my google drive when i have time)

https://www.psychologytools.com/professional/therapies/schema-therapy

^THAT LINK stuff is not free!!! BUT you can find a lot of them with this google search:

[title of worksheet/handout] -site:psychologytools.*

ex. i search the following: "unhelpful thinking styles" -site:positivepsychology.* ...and this pops up, tadaaaa:

https://talkheart2heart.org/resources/unhelpful-thinking-styles/

(i'm just linking the paid site because i cant find them gathered like that anywhere else… dont have time to search each one individually rn lol. maybe another day)

free stuff:

https://positive.b-cdn.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Schemas-Needs-and-Modes-Reference-Sheet.pdf (overview) https://bmcpsychology.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40359-020-0392-y/tables/1 (more detailed info on each schema) http://www.schematherapy.com/id72.htm (more info on modes) https://positivepsychology.com/schema-therapy-worksheets/ (a few worksheets linked on that page)

if video content is more your thing:

DBT UNITS:

interpersonal effectiveness extras: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwPrhSDQ0V_tBg36U3wWZpLopxJBurSsq

"middle path" skills: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwPrhSDQ0V_uB2e7Y570ihYBEYd7dK9Sv

"radically open" skills: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwPrhSDQ0V_udTjVVHhz5e1wzOSDyVeN2

DBT expanded edition: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwPrhSDQ0V_vjlYkkflUDRmfhw_hM13M-

more DBT, videos by Dr. Thomas R. Lynch: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkKKzTWUSjRhnRr5Pe2GMA7VDg_E8wBcm

DBT skills animations:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL4Qw4-tlRJe-T2l5MtFOsLkTIkfZqjobY

--

FAMILY SYSTEMS + ATTACHMENT

Patrick Teahan channel:

(great channel run by a mental health practitioner who has experienced childhood trauma, he gets it. check out the playlists tab. he also has some free resources/worksheets on his website which is linked on his channel iirc)

attachment styles playlist by Jennifer May, Ph.D: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwPrhSDQ0V_smHuEjj2CxW4u7J_FozLlS

Crappy Childhood Fairy channel: https://www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/playlists

(cptsd content mostly, haven't watched much of her stuff but i liked what i did see. she isn't certified but she is someone who experienced childhood trauma as well).

healing cptsd (small channel, few videos but good info iirc): https://www.youtube.com/@healingfromcomplexptsd2767

MEDITATION

(i cannot recommend her channel enough… i don't watch her longer videos/seminar(?) stuff but her meditation videos are like. actually helpful lol? i find a lot of that stuff not helpful at all but something about her is very calming and open and grounding. love her)

--

MISC

Rachel Richards massage channel:

https://www.youtube.com/@rachelrichardsmassage9660/playlists

(she has some great videos for somatic symptoms... some playlists focus on anxiety relief, breathing/relaxation, posture/mobility, sleep, etc.)

-

Dr Daniel Fox channel:

https://www.youtube.com/@DrDanielFox/videos

(cw: ableism/ableist language toward cluster b's is present on this channel, he just has a LOT of videos so i include the link... like if youre looking for something specific to do with pd traits, there's a good chance you can find SOMETHING here. *i have mixed cluster b traits incl. the more demonized ones disclaimer*. but yeah steer clear if that bothers you)

-

Struthless channel:

(mostly adhd/exec dysfunction/motivational advice stuff but i find his videos like actually kinda inspiring/motivating so i'm including it here since not a lot of stuff... feels motivating to me at all ever. but i never regret clicking on his vids! good motivational speaker lol)

-

that's all i can think of rn please lmk if any of the links are broken or like... if you have a question u think i can help w ^-^

[adragonthatwrites]

Dr. Shen's Log, Pt. 4

Dr. Shen Jiu, Head of Research at Cang Qiong Facilities. Date, 3, 5, 2024. Mission 2 report.

Progress on Project Pisces is going smoothly, despite some… interpersonal complications.

Dr. Shang has insisted on making several modifications to Alpherg’s design that were previously rejected due to budgetary constraints. However our success during the first mission has allowed for more funding to be secured for the project, and the adjustments have been made.

While Alpherg is still only capable of very rudimentary signals, it’s vocabulary has increased and Dr. Shang has installed a pair of mechanical arms to the sides and affixed lights to them, which allows for questions to be conveyed.

Apparently questions and confusion are communicated through markings located on the shoulders.

Shortly afterwards we launched again, and were able to locate and open a second dialogue with ‘Yue Qingyuan’. Dr. Shang was able to introduce himself using a rough approximation of his own name, in addition to my own. I did not approve this course of action, as my involvement in the project is currently strictly observational, and will remain so until the subject can be directly observed near the surface. I therefor do not see why my introduction to the subject was necessary.

In addition to this irritation, Dr. Shang used the pod’s newfound ability to ask questions to request permission to swim alongside the mer for an extended period of time, and spent that period of time attempting absolutely no form of communication. He has gone on record stating it would be ‘rude to jump right into it. We should at least take him out before we start poking and prodding at him.’

I am once again being reminded of why I was originally hesitant to bring him onto this project.

End Log (Bonus Log: Date, 3, 5, 2024

No-one understands the complexity of mer culture and language, nor the delicate techniques required to establish any form of proper communication and comradery with them! It’s like people think I just fell in a tank and all the secrets to Leviathan class mers and the ability to instantly become best friends with one of them was just fucked up into me through the ass. Well I hate to break it to you, but it did in fact take a lot of time and research and effort to be able to understand them on this level, and the only reason I was a Snack~ and not a snack was the result of a lot of effort put in BEFORE I fell in the tank!!!

Dr. Shang Qinghua.)

Start - Prev - Next

[gatheringbones]

[“An unfortunate reality that still permeates many psychotherapy offices is the archaic belief that these trauma-bonded relationships can be remedied by teaching problem-solving strategies, communication skills, and conflict-management techniques. While these teachings are beneficial and certainly have their place when working within dysfunctional relationships, it is my personal and professional experience that these interventions do not access the core of what is disconnecting partners, nor do they get to the heart of the matter regarding the pathways that create meaningful change.

During my early years of counseling, helping couples and individuals on their relationship issues, I would also teach my clients how to apply these old techniques and strategies, but I felt a sense of insufficiency and guilt. I knew there was more underneath the surface of what they shared with me, which signaled the deeper issues that were so clear to me I could almost touch them. I knew that these painful tethers bonding my clients in fear and distress were the hidden patterns of unmet needs. I knew this. But how could I help my clients not just understand what was happening but deeply experience it and become conscious of it enough to reach out to their partner with vulnerability and clarity, to show up for their partner with openness and acceptance and make meaningful changes?

So I went on an exploration. I dove into clinical approaches like attachment theory and emotion-focused therapy. I studied somatic therapies and microexpressions and learned the language of the emotional body. I became a student of ancient philosophies, spirituality, and esoteric wisdom to acquaint myself with the meaning of life and become comfortable discussing existential truths that can sometimes paralyze us. I studied interpersonal neurobiology and various sciences to help me conceptualize the human brain and body in a state of connection or disconnection. I absorbed it all. One key takeaway I learned from my immersion into the human experience is this: Our relationships act as a mirror into the depths of our own selves. They show us what we accept, what we reject, and what we hide, sometimes even from ourselves. Our relationship dramas are the reenactments of unresolved traumas still locked within our mind and body, signaling our conscious mind where healing can take place. In this way, the journey to connection with another must be a simultaneous journey through reconnection with the self. This book is that journey.”]

laura copley, from loving you is hurting me: a new approach to healing trauma bonds and creating authentic connection, 2023

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I have a feeling I know at least the Vibes of your answer, but I'll ask anyway

Any advice on making friends in meat space, horny or otherwise? I'm restarting for the... I don't wanna think it-th time, and thinking this one may stick, finally, so I should probably start working the social muscles a bit more

This is gonna sound ridiculous, but I swear by it.

Pretend you're already friends with people, and all that's left is to learn what manner of care and affection they may need to return that/you may ned to sustain it. Sort of like a fake it til you make it situation.

Become a regular somewhere and pay people compliments/ask them questions and be genuinely curious in the answer.

Learn about the concept of "unconditional regard" and how to apply it in your comversations with others.

Go to therapy, ideally relationship therapy or a skill group/peer group, specifically to work on and practice communication skills, conflict resolution skills, and the process of creating and enforcing healthy interpersonal boundaries.

Start replacing the word "sorry" in your vocabulary with "thank you". Find ways to thank people for the ways they welcome and care for you rather than apologizing to them for needing it.

Learn to believe you are worth loving for no other reason than your existence, and to believe that others are worth trusting even when they fuck up.

Unlearn punative discipline and develop a praxis of challenging and rejecting shame in how you and others discuss ideas of accountability. Learn restorative justice TECHNIQUES not just the general concept of it.

And most importantly, learn how to tend to yourself when things go wrong so that you can keep putting yourself out there safely, even when it doesn't work out.

I have faith in you friend, best of luck!

[talonabraxas]

Odin - Ansuz Talon Abraxas Ansuz Rune Ansuz is the rune associated to the supreme god Odin. Its symbol represents Odin's mouth and the magic that comes from communication. The spoken word, linguistic expression and understanding with each other is its energy. Odin, discoverer of the runic alphabet, transmitted the information of the runes by speaking so that people could learn from it.

Ansuz is said to symbolize the mouth of the wise god Odin. Odin once discovered the first runes. Advice seekers, when they draw Ansuz, should pay attention, because they may soon be the recipient of an important message.

Ansuz further represents truth and clarification. It represents the divine and spiritual power of life as well as the exchange through language. It embodies the great mystery.

Inspiration and sensitivity and magical powers can also be enhanced and unfolded through Ansuz. This rune provides a defense against intrigue and protects against slander.

For the future, Ansuz predicts happiness in interpersonal relationships, and also that existing prejudices can vanish into thin air. Origin and Meaning of the Ansuz Rune

Ansuz is in the fourth position of the older runic alphabet Futhark. Alternative names are Ansus, Ansur, Ós, Áss. This rune governs people's abilities to name all things around them. Ansuz a rune of order.

Naming a thing correctly can give power over that thing. Therefore, in ancient traditions, incantations were often used to dispel malevolent spirits, break psychological bonds, or bind demons.

Ansuz is the rune of creative expression. It shows us the power of language, passing down the knowledge of the ancestors from generation to generation through the spoken word. This rune represents both spiritual and worldly power, clarification and truth.

For this reason, lessons in life must be learned thoroughly in order to attain wisdom. Ansuz announces a message to those seeking advice, which in our time may well correspond to correspondence by telephone call or a video chat.

In Norse mysticism, the rune Ansuz corresponds to the one-eyed wanderer Odin. His personality combines the qualities of shaman, chieftain, warrior and sage.

It is said that the wandering god often mingled with people to examine and observe them. When doing so, he wore a long gray cloak, walked slightly bent and lowered his face to the ground to learn about the life of the world unrecognized.

Ansuz symbolizes communication through the god of wind: sound waves spread through the air and become audible or visible signs are effectively used for non-verbal communication. The rune symbol resembles the Old English understanding after signal pennants, which served for communication over long distances.

This technique has survived to this day in the navy as the flag alphabet. But signals also have their place in everyday life. A red traffic light means "stop", turn arrows and speed signs guide our way. All signals are part of normality through daily contact.

The signals of the runes, however, are more profound. Recognize the signals that lead to the answer, even if you have to "think around the corner." Use intuition to understand the message.

The perception of small signals must first be sensitized in our hectic way of life, especially when it concerns emotions or the body. The heart rhythm disturbances are simply not heeded because there is no time to pay attention to them. On the contrary, more work is done until, in the worst case, serious consequences cause total failure.

This is not a functional signal, but a depressing feeling that manifests itself with heart problems. Ansuz advises you to listen to your body's signs and treat yourself respectfully. If you are willing to recognize the messages transmitted and learn lessons from them, your life will be more harmonious.

Signs are appearing everywhere in your environment. Learn to see them and respond to them. Ansuz knows that you have been blind to them until now. By sharpening all your senses, you will achieve complete clarity about what to do now. Respond properly to the signals, stop at the red light and step on the gas when it turns green.

Do not watch from a distant perspective, but meet things consciously, because it could be an indication of a new development. All occurrences have a special meaning. When you learn this truth, you will understand and pay attention to the messages around you. Fixed Ansuz Rune Meaning

The Ansuz rune can indicate the need to incorporate intuition or emotion to make the wisest decision. Listen to your inner self and then put your experiences into action. It is also open to you to learn from others who have more knowledge than you do.

Ansuz can represent an intelligent person in a reading. In conjunction with Berkana, your mother or another woman in the family can give you good advice; in conjunction with Othala, an older relative will help you. The connection to Jera suggests the advice of an official institution such as a lawyer or doctor.

Seeking advice means a release of stress and blockages. You may feel attached to a situation. When you seek resolution, the effect of the energy released by the Ansuz rune is physical, emotional, and intellectual freedom. Ansuz shows you the effect of your positive or negative action. Reversed Ansuz Rune Meaning

If a reading shows the rune Ansuz reversed, you should pay attention and listen carefully to what others say to you - manipulation, lies, rumors and deceit are flourishing around you.

Check any advice for hidden traps, false or double meanings, and read the fine print in a contract. Often, begrudging people will try to trap you in order to thwart your plans. In conjunction with Othala, there may be problems with older people.

The reversed rune indicates lack of clarity and misunderstanding. Regarding a problem, you do not take advice and refuse to learn this life lesson. This unpleasant situation may be accompanied by a sense of futility or wasted effort. Now is the time to purge the old to usher in the new.

Ansuz the other way around means you didn't find the answers you were looking for because you asked the wrong questions. You need to seek your results in a different way. Look within and everything will become clear.

[conceptionsofconciousness]

Individuals born with planets in Vishakha Nakshatra are exceptional in interpersonal communication, leveraging their natural charisma to captivate and engage others. They possess a remarkable ability to inspire and persuade through their eloquent speech and persuasive techniques. Renowned for their skills in sales, commerce, and marketing, Vishakha individuals excel in positions that demand strong relational skills.

More posts on Vishakha Nakshatra

Nakshatra Notes Masterpost (Link collection of all 27 Nakshatras)

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing a main character who’s a bartender… except I’m a minor with zero experience on alcohol or bars/bartending etc

Do you have any resources that could help me out?

Thanks so much, I love your blog !!!

Writing Notes: Bartender

Bartender - specializes in the art of mixing and serving alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages in bars, restaurants, hotels, or other establishments.

In addition to mixing drinks, bartenders also play an important role in providing excellent customer service.

They engage with customers,

take drink orders,

suggest beverage options, and

create a welcoming and enjoyable atmosphere.

Bartenders must have good communication and interpersonal skills to interact with customers of diverse backgrounds and handle various situations that may arise during their shift.

They may also be responsible for managing the bar area,

ensuring cleanliness,

organizing supplies, and

handling cash transactions.

Types of Bartenders

There are various types of bartenders, each specializing in different areas of the hospitality industry. Here are a few common types:

Mixologists: Highly skilled bartenders who focus on creating innovative and artfully crafted cocktails. They have an extensive knowledge of ingredients, flavor combinations, and mixology techniques to design unique and visually appealing drinks.

Flair Bartenders: Known for their entertaining and acrobatic style of bartending. They incorporate flair techniques such as juggling bottles, performing tricks with bar tools, and creating visually captivating presentations while preparing drinks.

Craft Beer Bartenders: Have a deep understanding of the craft beer industry. They are familiar with various beer styles, brewing processes, and flavor profiles. They assist customers in selecting beers, provide recommendations, and may curate a rotating selection of craft beers on tap.

Tiki Bartenders: Specialize in crafting tropical and exotic cocktails associated with tiki culture. They are skilled in using unique ingredients, tropical fruits, and elaborate garnishes to create visually striking and flavorful drinks.

Hotel/Resort Bartenders: Cater to guests' needs, providing a range of beverages and maintaining high standards of customer service. They may specialize in classic cocktails, signature drinks, or be responsible for managing bars in various areas of the hotel.

Common Personality Traits of Bartenders

Based on a survey of 19,176 bartenders:

They are enterprising and conventional (according to the Holland Codes)

Bartenders tend to be predominantly enterprising individuals, which means that they are usually quite natural leaders who thrive at influencing and persuading others.

They also tend to be conventional, meaning that they are usually detail-oriented and organized, and like working in a structured environment.

They have high levels of extraversion and openness (according to the Big Five)

Bartenders score highly on extraversion, meaning that they rely on external stimuli to be happy, such as people or exciting surroundings.

They also tend to be high on the measure of openness, which means they are usually curious, imaginative, and value variety.

The Workplace

The workplace of a bartender can vary depending on the establishment they work in. Bartenders can be found in a range of settings, including:

bars,

pubs,

nightclubs,

hotels,

restaurants,

resorts, and even

cruise ships.

A typical bar environment consists of a well-equipped bar counter with a variety of spirits, mixers, and bar tools.

The bar area is usually designed to be functional and efficient, with shelves or cabinets to store bottles, refrigeration units for chilling beverages, and sinks for washing glassware.

Bartenders have access to a wide array of ingredients, garnishes, and utensils needed to prepare drinks.

The atmosphere within a bar can vary significantly.

Some establishments may have a lively and bustling atmosphere, especially during peak hours or on weekends, with music playing and customers engaged in conversations.

In contrast, other bars may have a more relaxed and intimate setting, catering to a specific clientele or offering a more sophisticated ambiance.

Bartenders often work as part of a team, collaborating with barbacks, servers, and other staff members to ensure smooth operations. Communication and coordination are essential, as they need to relay orders, share responsibilities, and support each other as needed.

Some previous related posts:

Cocktails ⚜ Literary & Hollywood Cocktails ⚜ Liqueurs

Mixology Tools & Popular Cocktails ⚜ Wine Terminology

Whiskey ⚜ Describing Intoxicated Customers

Words related to Drinking

Sources: 1 2 ⚜ More: References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

Glad to hear, thank you! Sounds like a challenge, but could be quite fun. Choose which of these details you would like to incorporate in your story. For more on the actual drinks, tools, other terms used, and possible behaviour of customers when they become intoxicated, I included some links to older posts. And you can find further information in the sources. All the best with your writing!

[romanceyourdemons]

i really enjoyed women on the verge of a nervous breakdown (1988). a visually beautiful as well as narratively compelling and entertaining film, it borrows the gaudy, artificially colored 1960s aesthetics of the umbrellas of cherbourg (1964) and other such fluffy musical films in a whirl of bright costumes and sets. the story superimposes an easily dismissed, small-scale “women’s troubles” premise—an actress must wade through a sea of comedic understanding as she seeks out her ex-lover, dodges his former and current lovers, and helps her her best friend out of trouble with a weekend fling who came to stay—against the high-stakes and fast-paced narrative of a film noir. in a melodramatic dark comedy revisiting of the narrative technique of cleo from 5 to 7 (1962), this juxtaposition serves to elevate the emotional strain a woman can experience from interpersonal conflicts centered around the manipulation and exploitation of a man to the level of the emotional strain she can feel from possible terrorist activity she had seen on the news. in the end, despite its nominally man-centered premise and its typically violence-centered genre, the key force in the film is neither romantic love nor heroics, but rather community and friendship with and between women. women on the verge of a nervous breakdown (1988) is both silly and effective, both melodramatic and beautiful, and i found it to be a deeply enjoyable film that i would highly recommend