#assertiveness

[serenityquest]

NeuroWild

[hauntedselves]

DEAR MAN: Making Yourself Heard

This interpersonal effectiveness skill helps you assert your boundaries, and get yourself heard and understood.

D: Describe

Describe the current situation (if necessary). Stick to the facts. Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to.

Example: “You told me you would be home by dinner but you didn’t get here until 11.”

E: Express

Express your feelings and opinions about the situation. Don’t assume that the other person knows how you feel.

Use phrases such as “I want” instead of “You should,” “I don’t want” instead of “You shouldn’t.”

Example: “When you come home so late, I start worrying about you.”

A: Assert

Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying no clearly. Do not assume that others will figure out what you want. Remember that others cannot read your mind.

Example: “I would really like it if you would call me when you are going to be late.”

R: Reinforce

Reinforce (reward) the person ahead of time (so to speak) by explaining positive effects of getting what you want or need. If necessary, also clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you want or need. Remember also to reward desired behavior after the fact.

Example: “I would be so relieved, and a lot easier to live with, if you do that.”

M: stay Mindful

Keep your focus on your goals. Maintain your position. Don’t be distracted. Don’t get off the topic.

“Broken record”: Keep asking, saying no, or expressing your opinion over and over and over. Just keep replaying the same thing again and again.

Ignore attacks: If another person attacks, threatens, or tries to change the subject, ignore the threats, comments, or attempts to divert you. Do not respond to attacks. Ignore distractions. Just keep making your point.

Example: “I would still like a call.”

A: Appear confident

Appear effective and competent. Use a confident voice tone and physical manner; make good eye contact. No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, retreating. No saying, “I’m not sure,” etc.

N: Negotiate

Be willing to give to get. Offer and ask for other solutions to the problem. Reduce your request. Say no, but offer to do something else or to solve the problem another way. Focus on what will work.

Turn the tables: Turn the problem over to the other person. Ask for other solutions.

Example: “How about if you text me when you think you might be late?” “What do you think we should do? . . . I can’t just stop worrying about you [or I’m not willing to].”

More tips

Describe the current interaction.

If the “broken record” and ignoring don’t work, make a statement about what is happening between you and the person now, but without imputing motives.

Example: “You keep asking me over and over, even though I have already said no several times,” or “It is hard to keep asking you to empty the dishwasher when it is your month to do it.”

Not: “You obviously don’t want to hear what I am saying,” “You obviously don’t care about me,” “Well, it’s obvious that what I have to say doesn’t matter to you,” “Obviously you think I’m stupid.”

Express feelings or opinions about the interaction.

For instance, in the middle of an interaction that is not going well, you can express your feelings of discomfort in the situation.

Example: “I am sorry I cannot do what you want, but I’m finding it hard to keep discussing it,” or “It’s becoming very uncomfortable for me to keep talking about this, since I can’t help it. I am starting to feel angry about it,” or “I’m not sure you think this is important for you to do.”

Not: “I hate you!”, “Every time we talk about this, you get defensive,” “Stop patronizing me!”

Assert wishes in the situation.

When another person is pestering you, you can ask them to stop it. When a person is refusing a request, you can suggest that you put the conversation off until another time. Give the other person a chance to think about it.

Example: “Please don’t ask me again. My answer won’t change,” or “OK, let’s stop discussing this now and pick it up again sometime tomorrow,” or “Let’s cool down for a while and then get together to figure out a solution.”

Not: “Would you shut up?” “You should do this!”, “You should really calm down and do what’s right here.”

Reinforce.

When you are saying no to someone who keeps asking, or when someone won’t take your opinion seriously, suggest ending the conversation, since you aren’t going to change your mind anyway. When trying to get someone to do something for you, you can suggest that you will come up with a better offer later.

Example: “Let’s stop talking about this now. I’m not going to change my mind, and I think this is just going to get frustrating for both of us,” or “OK, I can see you don’t want to do this, so let’s see if we can come up with something that will make you more willing to do it.”

Not: “If you don’t do this for me, I’ll never do anything for you ever again,” “If you keep asking me, I’ll get a restraining order against you,” “Gosh, you must be a terrible person for not doing this / for asking me to do this.”

- from DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets (2015) by Marsha M. Linehan, pp. 125-7.

[hot-astrology]

Venus Retrograde

(The love i once had)

Venus! one of the most lovely planets that loves. But everyone doesn't get to enjoy it the same way or have its fairytale play out the same way in their lives. Around 8 % of people have Venus retrograde in their natal chart. When a planet goes retrograde, in a persons chart its a life lesson and a new cycle of events that makes the person get new perspective of life and how this energy plays out. The person will learn how to go within and depend on their own values, and have more of a self introspective with what life has for them. Maybe last life time or times the person didn't use these energies wisely or could have not used them at all. It can make a person not satisfied with what they see or what a person presents to them. Maybe you could of been a person who always pushed out love, money, attention, to others but always seem to come up short and left high and dry with your feelings, emotions and desires left unfullfilled. We all want to be loved, cared for as well give it to others who deserve it. This is where it gets tricky and the struggle for those with this retrograde placement.

This life you are here to give yourself everything you want to push out to others. Its never selfish loving yourself first, and doing things that brings you joy or make you happy. As well you need to understand who deserves your LOVE, ENERGY, GIFTS, TIME and beautiful HEART. Its time to go within and understand why you love who you love or why you keep attracting the same encounters. Maybe its a karmic lesson that mirrors your insecurities, wants, needs, lust, desires, and old habits. Now this will play out differently in each and every ones chart, due to sign, house, aspect, degrees and life path. For the most part its a beautiful experience to go through, we at times look at things that deal with change, uncomfortability, and what the mass says, once you go through it and experience it yourself, it hits different.

When having a retrograde its like having opposing energies, you will play out the opposite sign and house but on the negative traits of that sign and house. Once you understand this you can shift the energies to your favor and use them to evolve into the new you. Thats why you can learn so much from the opposite of yourself, kind of like the ying yang, sun and moon etc.

Also degrees can play a major role in this situation. It can point to what area of life or what energy you need to change or adapt into to help you focus on transforming this outdated image.

Now we will give you some examples or placements with Venus retrograde and you will see how plays out in your chart and give you a better insight on your lifes experience.

Cancer/ Venus retrograde

Here can bring an individual who can love so hard that it smothers their partner. Fear of rejection, being not good enough could make this person emotionally broken and insecure. So they tend to overcompensate with over loving a person and not loving their selves. These individuals can be extra sensitive with any situation dealing with love matters, care and the heart. Need to love yourself as you would your partner, only then you will develop growth and bring others into your warm heart and get it back 10 fold. Be your own mother and nuture your broken and confused heart.

Scorpio/Venus retrograde

Well Venus in scorpio would be in detriment, so this makes this placement a little more challenging. For a retrograde ( our opinion ) the person will be extra picky, secluded, and like things how they like it. Kind of like a Virgo thats why Scorpio and virgo kind of have simular traits, but thats a different topic. So this will make them want to know everything about you. As well hesitate in pursuing a relationship, their relationships can be hidden and secretive. You need to fully open your hidden heart and experience deep transformative experiences. Learn your deep subconscious traits and the love, trust and loyalty you expect from others. Once you meet that partner you will be with them through thick and thin and also the toxic side.

Aries/Venus retrograde

Usually venus in aries would be your warrior, quick to talk to that girl or dude but not with this retrograde. They will be more of a shy type and kind of not letting people know about certain rejections in their love life, could get extra defensive when it comes to anything in the losing realm. You can be very dependent on other, feel like you need others help to be assertive and to gain money. You need to be independent and rely on yourself and own abilities. You need to go within to find that part of you that wants more in life from money, love, confidence, personal achievements etc. Remember you are in aries energy its a fire sign, so go after what you want and desire.

[ireton]

Skills every man should cultivate.

* WARNING - STRAIGHT TALK *

DISCLAIMER: Please do your own research and come to your own conclusions.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: ISTP 28, struggling with emotional balances in my personal relationships with high feeling types (ISFJ, INFP and INFJ). What starts out as myself taking an interest in their life and being openminded and listening carefully, it ends up where I become used as an emotional dumpster to vent at all the time. At that point, its too late and I cannot remove myself without hurting their feelings, as they consider me to be a confidant, I don't want to betray their trust or make them feel smaller for sharing their troubles. But it makes me depleted and frustrated to as our friendship becomes more and more one sided.

To make things equal, in the past, I tried to force myself to also share my feelings, but I don't actually have the amount of feelings they can have. Plus, it only made me feel worse to be dwelling on negativity, so I don't benefit from talking about it in the way it works for them. They feel bad and recognize it too, so they will ask about me to even things out. But even if I sincerely respond, they don't really ask further, as if they just wanted to ask the question for their turn to talk. Its a mismatch I cannot overcome, its starts from a good intention and a good frienship but degrades overtime. I feel frustrated and saddened by it, I don't know what to do, I don't want to hurt them, but this is hurting me.

-------------------

Indeed, being a good listener can sometimes be a curse, if the result is that you keep attracting people with lots of problems to unload. As you can imagine, I'm personally quite familiar with this problem. It is upsetting and hurtful when it feels like people aren't being considerate of your needs. At the end of the day, this is a practical problem with a practical solution.

There are two aspects to this problem: 1) lack of assertiveness or passivity, and 2) poor communication habits. These are learned behaviors. Most people learn how to be assertive and communicate well naturally throughout the course of their childhood socialization. However, some people have a harder time learning for a variety of possible reasons. But the key point is that you can choose to learn and improve at any time in life.

Assertiveness basically means being able to stand up and advocate for yourself whenever necessary. There are several points to consider:

(i) Cultivate better awareness of your needs, wants, desires, and goals. It's hard to make yourself seen in a relationship if you go through life thinking you don't need or want anything from people, which is a common Ti dom problem. Just because you are not as emotionally "full" as others, doesn't mean you don't have feelings, and doesn't mean you can't get hurt. Being more self-aware is necessary for proper self-care. You can't express yourself when you're not aware of yourself.

(ii) Learn to draw a clear and healthy boundary between self and other. There is a difference between what is "yours" and what is "theirs", right? Make sure you always know the difference. Their problems are their business and not your responsibility. Listening/helping is a favor you do for people - it's not your job. And you should only help people when you have the mental resources and emotional capacity to do so. Once you hit your limit, your ability to help is greatly diminished, so it's always in everyone's best interests for you to make your limits clear.

Setting boundaries is a way for you to express to people that you matter, too. You need to understand what you are owed. If you matter in a relationship, then you should be owed basic respect and consideration, right? When people disrespect you or behave inconsiderately, it is justifiable to speak up for yourself. You have every right to defend and protect your own well-being.

(iii) Enforce your boundaries. When you set boundaries, they might not always be honored. Therefore, you ought to have strategies in place for how to handle people who violate your boundaries. The strategy you choose depends on what your goal is. Do you think a warning is enough? Or is it necessary to spend some time apart? Or do you think the relationship should end?

These decisions are made based on your values and what you believe is acceptable or unacceptable behavior. For instance, I have zero tolerance for violent behavior, so I'll be quick to end a relationship over it. However, if you're more forgiving and you believe there's still hope for the person, maybe you'd be more willing to give them another chance. These are personal choices that you make by listening to your heart.

Communication skills are necessary for assertiveness to succeed. There are several points to consider:

(i) Timeliness: Interpersonal problems/conflicts are best addressed sooner rather than later. But being timely means you have to be self-aware enough to raise issues as they occur in real-time. When negative feelings/emotions are left to fester, there is always a risk that they will escalate to an uncontrollable degree, sparking unreasonable behavior that does irreparable damage. It's important to nip negative feelings/emotions in the bud. Of course, it's not a crime to bring things up long after the fact, but people do tend to learn better when the example is right in front of their face.

(ii) Responsibility: Communicate about relationship problems from the "I" perspective, speaking only to your own experience, and never cast blame or make accusations. You must also be able to keep your feelings/emotions under control enough to discuss things matter-of-factly and de-escalate tensions.

When you blame/accuse, you're making demands of people to be what you want them to be, which usually doesn't go over well. It makes people defensive and then they're more likely to go on the attack or cut off communication. But when you speak purely from your own perspective and take responsibility for what you feel, people are generally more willing to hear you out, even though it's a difficult conversation.

Of course, there are plenty of unreasonable people out there who will take offense regardless of how you communicate. In such cases, you have to reflect on the health of the relationship. Maybe you shouldn't get too close to them (draw a stricter boundary) or maybe the relationship isn't sustainable for you (as you're always getting hurt).

(iii) Empathy: Psychologists have done a lot of studies on what keeps relationships healthy over a long period of time. The key ingredient is kindness. As long as you can maintain a kind approach and encourage others to follow suit, the relationship will always have hope of improving.

Being empathetic doesn't mean being "soft" or being a pushover. It means taking the time to understand where others are coming from and responding to that directly (i.e. the heart of the matter) rather than getting distracted by irrelevant things. Even if you decide to keep distance from people or separate from them, doing it kindly allows everyone to walk away with as little animosity as possible.

(iv) Requests: When people are behaving in a way that you deem inappropriate or unacceptable, communicate your preferences to them in a way that 1) helps them understand where you're coming from, and 2) provides a suggestion or alternative for them to better suit your needs. Grant them the choice to oblige.

As an example, compare these two communications:

"I'm not a very emotional person, so maybe I don't always have many feelings to share with you and it's tiring for me to focus so much on them. But I would like it if we could talk about other subjects as well, such as ____. Would that be okay with you?"

"It's exhausting to listen to you go on and on and on about your feelings, can we talk about anything else, please?"

While the meaning of the two communications is roughly the same, the first will obviously get a better response than the second because of expressing empathy and care for everyone involved.

.

These two points can be combined into a concept called assertive communication. It's an important life skill. ISTPs often develop a habit of trying to "adapt" to people as a means to reduce conflict, which isn't a bad thing per se. But when taken too far, it can lead to unevenness in the relationship. Eventually, it starts to feel like you're always the one making concessions to placate others, as though you can't be your true self. Appeasement isn't healthy relationship behavior.

The takeaway point is that you should matter equally in a relationship, so people should honor your needs just as you honor theirs. If they don't, they're not a true friend. A true friend ought to be horrified at the idea of hurting you, which means you shouldn't feel shy to admit when you're feeling hurt so that they can adjust accordingly.

[ivygorgon]

[shoujo-dump]

Kurohyou to 16-sai

[dinomang0]

Peculiar Drinks

Ayato offers Thoma another one of his odd drinks, making Thoma sick; however, what awaits Thoma outside the restroom door is another drink, one that Thoma, for his sanity and neediness, can't decline. Basically a smut fic.

(I posted this on AO3 but edited several parts[minimal edits, mainly word changes] I'll probably update AO3 with this version instead.)

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“These drinks are atrocious,” Thoma exclaims as he hovers over the toilet. “I don’t know how much more I can take.” 

Thoma hears Ayato sigh from the other side of the door. “Thoma, you shouldn't be so dainty with food.”

Thoma can only groan at this reply. He’s an avid food enthusiast, but this is pushing his limits. Having grown suspicious of every item his lord comes home to has Thoma cringing every second, knowing that consuming it will lead to him taking a dreaded trip to the restroom, hunched over the toilet, with his hands gripping onto the sides. It was a common occurrence that Thoma couldn’t avoid, and no matter how much his mind told him to object to the offer made by his lord, Thoma always found himself accepting it. 

However, dwelling on his misery won't excuse him from his duties of the day, so Thoma decides to clean himself up. He looks into the mirror, puts his hair back into a neat ponytail, and flattens his clothes. He’s embarrassed at having such a weak stomach and bolting out of the room after devouring the drink, but he has to come out of the restroom at some point because hiding here won’t do him any good. 

Checking himself in the mirror once more, he exits the restroom and meets a concerned Ayato, who has his finger on his chin sucked into some deep thought as he leans against the wall in the hallway. They immediately lock eyes, and Thoma can already sense the different demeanor in his lord's character. 

“I offer my sincere apologies, Thoma.” 

“Oh no, my lord. You shouldn’t be so concerned, ” Thoma waves his hands. Thoma didn’t want Ayato to mellow over a minor situation like this because this was purely for fun, and there were no ill intentions with Ayato’s actions. 

“I see, but I should have more caution with my source of… entertainment. My intentions do not fall within malicious ones, especially not having you regurgitate the items I offer .” 

“To be fair, I am the one who chooses to consume them,” Thoma chimes. “I’d say the fault is partially mine as well. This isn’t to say the drinks aren’t awful because, my lord, they are horrendous.” 

Ayato chuckles, and Thoma sighs in relief, glad his lord wasn’t wallowing in his culpability even though Thoma never held any grudge over any incident involving his lord handing him revolting drinks. Maybe he should, considering it was purely entertainment, but Thoma never did. Somehow, knowing it was for entertainment, made Thoma all the more willing to accept future offers. 

“Thoma, that reminds me, I have a question I’ve wanted to ask you regarding this topic.” Ayato suddenly breaks the silence that filled the air between them both, and he steps away from the wall, repositioning himself in front of Thoma, whose back is near the wall. “If the drinks I offer are as horrendous as you say, why not decline them?” 

The question catches Thoma off guard. Why does he always eat or drink everything Ayato gives him? It’s not like he’s terrified of saying no to Ayato; instead, he’s afraid of letting him down. But there’s no actual reason he does it apart from satisfying Ayato. 

Or perhaps it has something to do with the way Thoma marvels at the look Ayato has when he innocently hands him a suspicious item. Ayato’s eyes seem delicate and angelic when he’s talking to Thoma about a new drink he wants him to try. But most of all, Thoma likes how Ayato looks at him after suffering through the agony of drinking the odd beverage. Ayato’s expression changes to one of concern and satisfaction, a mixture of two opposite emotions that make Ayato appear so enchanting. That is the sight Thoma seeks and a sight that makes Thoma’s knees feel weak, but he can’t just say this to Ayato, not without ruining the relationship they have. 

“Well, you see, I—”

Ayato gets closer to Thoma, closing the space between them, and Thoma’s back meets the wall. “My lord?”

“You’re always rambling about these foods, yet your mouth still chews them,” Ayato looks into his eyes. “You argue about these distasteful drinks, yet your throat still swallows them whole.”

When Thoma doesn’t respond, Ayato quickly questions him. “Have you never wondered why I offer you such distasteful drinks?” 

“Isn’t it for your amusement?” Thoma asks, knowing his question carries some truth to Ayato’s actual reasoning for offering him such condiments. 

Ayato cunningly smiles, and it’s a smile that tells Thoma his assumptions aren’t far from the truth. “I offer them because, in return, I get a delectable reward,” Ayato smiles, caressing Thoma’s cheek. “I get to see you squirm in disgust, and let me tell you, Thoma, it’s almost like it’s an amorous sight to drink up.” 

Ayato gently caresses Thoma’s cheek as he continues to explain his twisted reasoning behind offering him such repulsive drinks. “I love seeing your body tremble as you struggle to swallow the drink, the way your eyes squeeze shut with tears threatening at the corners, and the low groan of disgust you let out… it makes me hot all over.” 

Thoma gulps, unsure how to respond because this was a predicament he hadn’t anticipated. He had just been in the bathroom, and now he stands here: his body in between Ayato’s arms, completely enveloping him whole as they cross the boundaries of their professional relationship, while Ayato confesses what he somewhat knew this whole time. 

Ayato is closer to him than usual, and Thoma feels his face flush with embarrassment. But when Thoma looks directly at Ayato, he sees that his lord's face is calm, and his lip is up in a soft smile, looking as innocent as ever. 

Trying to regain his relaxed composure, Thoma tries to sound as calm as possible and goes back to responding to Ayato’s first statement. “I swallow the drinks for you. That is why I never decline your offers.”

“Why is that? Why do you put yourself through so much agony for me?” Ayato puts a finger on Thoma’s chin and lifts Thoma’s face to meet his. Thoma remains quiet, not knowing what to say, but to his relief, Ayato covers the silence. 

“You haven’t answered my questions,” Ayato laughs, “then again, I’m not allowing you to answer my questions because, quite frankly, I don’t need one.” 

“All I need is you right now,” Ayato leans in and whispers into Thoma’s ear. “I’ve been needing you for so long, Thoma.”

The heat against his ear tightens his stomach and sends a shiver of desire through him. This action alone prompts him to grab Ayato by the collar and pull his face directly toward him. Thoma doesn’t let go of Ayato’s collar, and they maintain eye contact, both of their gazes conveying the immense lust they feel for the other. Ayato looks so full of intense sexual desire; his mouth is slightly open, making the mole below his lip appear so seductive, and the way his tongue licks his top teeth from the inside is enough to make Thoma’s desire reach an all-time high. Thoma gets the sudden craving to mess up his Lord, the man who always maintains his elegant composure no matter what situation he is in and walks with a great sense of dignity. Thoma wants that wall to break, and hell would it be beautiful if he were the one to break it. 

Thoma doesn’t contemplate the consequences of his actions or the possibility of rejection. Nor does he bother relocating them somewhere more private when he decides to press his lips against Ayato's because all he wants at this moment is for Ayato’s mischievous eyes to be swept away with vulnerability and pleasure. 

Ayato hums in surprise, caught off guard by the assertive move made by his retainer, but he immediately returns the kiss. They kiss each other, their lips gently capturing each other in a passionate kiss that shows how long they’ve desired each other. They take their time, savoring each moment, until Thoma slips his tongue into Ayato’s mouth, and Ayato complies with a low moan. 

Fuck. The noise Ayato makes is so vulnerable, something Thoma isn’t used to hearing, and it sends him into a spiral of sexual longing.

Thoma grinds his hips against Ayato’s body, and both can feel the other's erect cock through the thick layers of clothing separating the two from close contact. Ayato moves his hands toward Thoma’s waist, holding him in place, and he begins to grind his pelvis into Thoma’s body. Thoma finds the length of Ayato’s hair and aggressively pulls on it, wanting to hear his moans of pain. 

To his pleasure, Ayato gives off a low moan.

“So… aggressive,” Ayato groans as he keeps dry fucking into Thoma. 

Thoma’s body is hot all over, and he swears he can cum from just this: dry fucking with no intimate touch, but Thoma needs more. He needs to feel more than just Ayato’s lips against his own. 

“Ayato,” Thoma breaks apart from the kiss, tugging at his lord's collar, realizing that the saliva from kissing won’t do anything for his libido, so Thoma makes a suggestion, one he’s lustful for. “Let me…” Thoma moves his lips towards Ayato’s neck, placing gentle pecks against his skin. “... taste more of you.” 

Ayato’s body tenses, his eyes widening, before grabbing Thoma’s chin, “ The pleasure is all mine.” 

That is all Thoma needs to hear because the next thing he does is grab Ayato by the waist and turn them around, ignoring the quiet gasp that escapes Ayato’s lips and the noise made when Ayato's back meets the wall. Thoma slips his hand underneath Ayato’s shirt, longing to feel the pale skin beneath his clothing. He trails his finger along every inch of Ayato’s skin, making sure not to miss any spot. Thoma isn’t sure when he’ll ever be able to relish the sensation of Ayato’s skin, so he makes it his pivotal goal to touch every inch he has to offer. 

Thoma unties the cord around Ayato’s waist, granting him access to remove his pants. The cords fall to the floor, making a small thud, and they both know nothing is separating them from intimacy. Thoma gets down on his knees and looks up at Ayato, curious as to what expression lies on his lord's face. 

Ayato’s looking down at him with such admiration and want. It makes Thoma desperately want him even more. 

May I?” Thoma tugs at his pants, asking for permission to remove it. 

“Yes,” Ayato breathes out. 

Thoma lowers Ayato’s pants. He’s met with his undergarment, and before he can ask for permission to remove it again, Ayato quickly replies. “Yes, Thoma.” 

Thoma nods in approval and smiles up at the blue-haired man. His attention quickly diverts to the last layer of clothing separating his mouth and hands from Ayato’s length. 

Before removing it, Thoma slowly traces his fingers along the waistband of Ayato’s undergarment. He then slips a finger in, gently moving his finger in circles slightly above Ayato’s cock, and he feels Ayato shudder.

Thoma caresses his cock through the layer of clothing, letting his palm roam up and down the unfamiliar intimacy of his lord. Thoma places a kiss on Ayato's cock, his hand still exploring him. He opens his mouth as he kisses the head of his cock and sucks on it, damping his lord's undergarments with his saliva. He knows he’s provoking Ayato, a man known for his disappointment when plans don’t go his way. Thoma’s aware that the only thing on Ayato’s mind is having his cock inside of his mouth, but Thoma doesn’t want to give Ayato anything just yet. He wants his lord to suffer, to know what it feels like when someone other than you is in control. He wants to render Ayato powerless and entirely at his mercy.  

“Enough with the teasing,” Ayato groans, impatience coursing through his body. 

Thoma’s amused by the neediness in his lord and questioningly hums, “What’s the rush? Are you that eager to get sucked?” 

Thoma slips off Ayato’s garments, and he immediately stares at the cock in front of him. It was huge, full, and hard, and Ayato’s cock, which was everything Thoma had ever wanted in his mouth. 

Before taking all of Ayato’s length into his mouth, Thoma starts with slow licks. He licks the sides of Ayato’s cock, gradually working his tongue up and down, making sure he covers every inch. Thoma wants every inch to feel the wetness of his tongue. 

Thoma wants Ayato’s cock to have his print. 

He suddenly takes Ayato’s length into his mouth and feels Ayato’s legs shudder against him. He gags at first, the length far too big for the size of his mouth, but he still accepts it in him. Having his mouth full of his lord's cock makes him wallow in shame and pride, and it’s a sensation he’ll never be able to let go of. Tears prickle at the corner of his eyes as he tries to deepthroat it, his head coming up to free his throat and back down to fill him with Ayato’s cock. 

“Good boy, you’ve got it,” Ayato praises Thoma for taking him in so well while gently caressing Thoma’s cheeks. 

The praise makes Thoma release a soft hum in satisfaction, and he takes him in whole again. He bobs his head up and down, the sound of sucking and saliva being the only thing audible in his lord's hallway. Thoma places his left hand on Ayato’s cock, slicking it with the saliva on his cock, and he begins to move it in the same rhythm as his mouth. His hand and mouth work up Ayato, feeling everything, touching everything, and reeling in the sensation of his bare cock against his skin. 

Ayato stretches his arm out, and before Thoma is aware of it, Ayato aggressively pushes his head down, making Thoma choke. Thoma’s vision blurs, and he feels himself get full of Ayato’s cock, far more than he could handle. 

Without warning, Ayato grabs onto Thoma’s head, shoves it away from his cock, and leans down. He grabs Thoma’s chin, lifting it to meet his eyes, “Would you mind if I were to face fuck you?” 

Fuck. Thoma’s dick twitches at the vulgarness of Ayato’s question. To have Ayato have his way with his mouth would be shameful yet so rewarding for the lust he feels spreading throughout his whole body. 

“I wouldn’t mind,” Thoma looks up to meet Ayato, who looks down at him with a lubricious smile. 

Ayato lets go of his chin, and Thoma watches as he places his hands on either side of his head. With no warning, Ayato shoves Thoma’s head down, letting his throat meet the end of Ayato’s cock. He gags at the sudden assertive move, not having much time to process the sudden invasion in his throat. Thoma’s hands quickly reach out toward Ayato’s waist, gripping both sides for stability. Ayato starts thrusting into Thoma’s throat, his grip on Thoma’s head remaining harsh with every thrust. Tears swell at the corner of Thoma’s eyes, but he rapidly blinks, refusing to let any slip so soon. 

Thoma feels the way Ayato’s cock hits the back of his throat, not giving him any chance to breathe before the next thrust makes its way into his throat, filling him full of Ayato’s length over and over. He’s not given any breaks to take long breaths. It’s as though the only thing breathable right now is Ayato.

Before he knows it, he feels warm tears slowly trailing down his face, the warmth making the pit in his stomach grow deeper, and it makes Thoma imagine the sensation of a warm substance in his throat. The warm pool in his stomach only gets hotter the more he feels Ayato’s cock in his throat. 

For only being in his throat, Thoma feels like Ayato is in him whole. He feels Ayato in his stomach and in his hole that’s longing to be filled with his lord's cock. It’s unbearable. Thoma wants his lord to release in his mouth so all of him can be consumed by Ayato’s fluids. 

“Do you like getting your throat mercilessly fucked by your lord?” Ayato breathlessly asks, his body succumbing to the pleasure of having his cock slicked with Thoma’s saliva. 

Thoma hums, unable to respond to his lord's question because Ayato’s cock sits still in his mouth. “I asked you a question, didn’t I, Thoma?”

Thoma looks up at Ayato with teary eyes, rapidly blinking at him to show him that he’s unable to speak with such a thing in his mouth. 

“Ah, right, it’s nearly impossible to speak when your mouth’s full with your lord's cock isn't it?” Ayato caresses Thoma’s cheeks with his finger, slowly trailing upwards. Thoma feels Ayato wipe a tear away from his eye, and he watches as Ayato brings his finger up to his mouth and licks the tear off his gloved finger. “How shameful, look at you sucking off your lord in public, while everyone else works hard and you’re here.”

“Are you not concerned about any retainers walking in on us?” Ayato questions, and Thoma hums, gently shaking his head as he looks up to his lord.  “The fear of them walking in any moment makes me even hotter, Thoma, and I’m sure you can agree.”

Ayato then quickly gets back to throat fucking into Thoma. Thoma notices the increase in pace and the clumsiness in Ayato’s thrusts. Ayato is close to his orgasm, and Thoma is ashamed to imagine how he is too. How pitiful of him if he were to cum from throat-fucking his lord. 

“Fuck Thoma,” Ayato moans. “You feel so good.” 

Thoma feels saliva trail down his chin and onto his neck with every movement of Ayato’s thrusts that restrict him from having any control over his mouth. 

Thoma continues to deepthroat his cock, paying more attention to his movements as he brings Ayato closer and closer to his orgasm. “Please, please, just like that,” Ayato begs, desperation lacing his voice, making Thoma moan at the neediness in his lord. Ayato continues to give low moans, begging his retainer to continue to please him.  

 “Thoma,” Ayato moans, his body shaking as he releases into Thoma’s mouth. The warm fluid shoots into Thoma’s mouth, and he pridefully swallows it. It’s warm and salty and something Thoma has never had the pleasure of tasting before. The taste is impeccable and mouth-watering, and the warmness of his cum makes his body jerk forward, making him moan in pleasure. Thoma makes sure not a single drop escapes his mouth because it’s Ayato’s cum, his lord's cum, which makes this even more arousing. After all, an assistant swallowing his lord's cum while the others are outside the estate, innocently carrying out their duties demanded of the commissioner while one of them gets face fucked like a whore, is a vulgar act that makes Thoma feel filthy. 

Thoma feels so dirty having swallowed Ayato’s cum. Swallowing his lord's cum, is such a degrading and pleasurable experience, and something he would have never imagined would have him so excited. 

Thoma opens his mouth to let go of Ayato’s cock, allowing Ayato's cock to hang free. He pulls his face away, a string of saliva present that attaches his mouth and Ayato’s cock. Thoma looks up at Ayato and sees his body leaning against the wall with his eyes focused on the ceiling, the back of his hand against his forehead, sweat dripping down his red face. Thoma realizes that vulnerability looks so beautiful on Ayato, and he can’t help but admire the mess he’s put Ayato in. 

Thoma wipes his face, removing the saliva covering his lips and chin, and stands up. He knows he looks a mess, with his cheeks stained with tears and his hair a mess. Thoma silently stares as Ayato fixes his clothing and ties his cords, making sure he looks presentable after such a sexual scene before heading out to fulfill his duties as commissioner for the day. 

Ayato looks up at Thoma, moving closer to the man. “You were so good, Thoma.” 

“And you tasted far better than that odd drink you gave me earlier,” Thoma says, looking into Ayato’s eyes and back down to his pink-flushed lips.

“Then maybe from now on, I should offer you myself instead of odd drinks,” Ayato suggests, tracing his fingers against Thoma’s lips and letting his thumb drag down his bottom lip. 

Thoma grabs onto Ayato's thumb, stroking the top.“That sounds far more tolerable,” Thoma replies, doing his best to appear unfazed by the venereal suggestion offered by his lord, even though his stomach clenched at the suggestion

“Great,” Ayato replies, diverting his attention from the ceiling onto Thoma. “I’ll offer you another drink tomorrow.” 

Thoma catches Ayato’s sexually suggestive smirk and offers one of his own. “I’ll look forward to it.” 

[intellectualgirlblogger]

I think Eminem could have been a great nurse. #thoughts

[feminiel]

Major big themes of my spiritual awakening process:

Emotional healing

Self-discovery

Journaling

Emotional freedom technique

Reading

Healing my ego

Finding who I am

Finding my place in the world

Finding my life's purpose

Working and healing my divine feminine energy: love, emotions, receptive nature, intuition, soul, healing mother wounds, self-nurturing, inner healer, sensitivity, values, creativity, abundance

Working and healing my divine masculine energy: ego, assertiveness, self-confidence, identity wounds, self-expression, healing father wounds

Balance

Transformation

Inner child healing

Shadow work

Light work

Energy

Self-beliefs

Spirituality and finding meanings

Astrology

Inner work

Manifestation

[tinebress]

Assertiveness

is not a personality trait. It comes from upbringing and being emotionally mature. Maturity is expressed by how we respond to criticism and demanding situations.

> "Innocence" <

"Emotions can be embodied and each has the right to life."

"Between two unstable people, emotions will be like a hot stone thrown from one hand to the other."

"Maturity and assertiveness allow us to cool this stone and separate what is ours from outside emotions."

[kalavathiraj]

There is a powerful word that should be used more often, and that word is- “No.”

if only women could, QUOTUS

[theamaturewriter]

I DARE TO DARE YOU!

It's so easy to fall into a routine and get comfortable with situations that may not be serving us well. We often find ourselves tolerating bullying from coworkers, dealing with narcissistic partners, or accepting disrespect from those around us. We even get used to rebellious behavior from our teenagers, convincing ourselves that this is just how things are. Phrases like "that's life," "you get used to it," or "the devil you know..." can start to feel like our only options.

But here's the thing: I’m here to encourage you to break free from that mindset. I dare you to challenge that comfort zone! Take a moment and think about the areas in your life that could use a change. It’s time to take action!

Would you be willing to have a tough but necessary conversation with that bully boss or coworker? How about reassessing your relationship with that narcissistic partner? Or reaching out to your teenager to understand what's really going on with them?

Most importantly, I dare you to recognize your own worth. Every person deserves love and respect, no matter who they are, and that absolutely includes you!

So, I dare you to prioritize your own needs. Protect your mental health. You have the strength to create the life you truly want. Remember, change can be challenging, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and empowerment. You’ve got this!

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: How can I appreciate sarcasm? Whenever my(INFJ)dad(ISTP) wants to show discontent, he gets sarcastic. Mom (ISFJ) hates It bc she finds it hostile. But I think that's better than his lash out to speakup(he does that too). Dad can get sassy abt anything, & his cynicism can be funny, helps me see life more dimensionally. But I'm confused If I should just laugh It off after being mocked for doing sth stupid or voice my disagreement w his inability to express frustration. He always sucks at up, he's not the type to NOT have trouble voicing his concerns. I really want to better appreciate his cynical humors at times bc tbh he's relaly cool & funny. Thank you.

---------------------

I used to be really close to an ISFJ x ISTP couple with the exact same dynamic. For a split second, I thought you were describing them. They eventually got divorced. I say this not to freak you out but, rather, to point out that the behavior you're talking about can be destructive when left unchecked. Not being able to express one's feelings/emotions constructively is a sign of emotional immaturity. Emotional maturity is a key ingredient to relationship success.

There's something confusing and not quite right about your question. When you truly "like" or "appreciate" something, you shouldn't have to convince yourself of anything, should you? I don't understand why you would want to force yourself into liking/appreciating something that, deep down, you don't really like/appreciate. Does this not constitute self-denial?

There is also potentially something not quite right with the family dynamic. Have you ever heard the phrases "momma's boy" or "daddy's girl"? It's not abnormal for a child to have a favorite parent. However, if the child has a favorite parent because one of the parents is exerting dominance and (unconsciously) soliciting the child's help to gang up on the other parent, that's a big problem. The child is likely to (unconsciously) emulate the destructive behavior of the unhealthy dominant parent, in order to avoid becoming a victim as well. I don't know if this dynamic applies to your family, so I'm just going to leave you with a generic warning to beware of learning things from Ti doms that would only lead you into Ti loop.

I'm not without a sense of humor. I too am guilty of sarcasm at times. I know that a bit of sarcasm or cynicism here and there can indeed be very funny. It can be a softer way of expressing a truth that people don't really want to say out loud. It can also be a clever way to punch UP at an extremely arrogant/aggressive person who deserves to be taken down a notch.

However, sarcasm and cynicism aren't funny when they are used as a habitual defense mechanism, especially when they involve punching DOWN, via minimizing, belittling, or dismissing important feelings and emotions that are important to psychological well-being. If your mom feels he is being "hostile", then ask yourself: does he have a habit of punching down at people and making them feel less than (because he believes he's better/smarter/etc)? Is there actually verbal/emotional abuse happening?

Can you tell the difference between healthy vs unhealthy uses of sarcasm and cynicism? The healthy kind shouldn't hurt or feel like an unfair/unwarranted attack. The unhealthy kind feels hurtful because it is intended to hurt, even when the speaker isn't conscious of their intention. "Taking out one's frustration" on another person is basically using a human being as an object, a punching bag. Is that ethical? Is the onus then on you to learn how to "like" getting punched?

When you make a mistake, do you like to feel "stupid" for it? Is it helpful for you to feel that way? Or is it actually an obstacle to improvement? If it's truly beneficial, then it shouldn't bother you. But do you believe that there's a better way for him to handle your mistakes? Is there a method that you would much rather prefer? Isn't it possible to help someone change their perspective without making them feel like shit?

If you believe there's a better way, you must learn to speak up for yourself and teach people to treat you in the way you prefer. If you don't learn this lesson at home, it's likely that your dynamic with people outside the home will be the same. You'll keep forcing yourself to swallow behavior you don't like, which means you open yourself up to being victimized by all manner of manipulators and bullies.

Going against your own values isn't honorable and it doesn't make you some kind of saintly creature "rising above" the fray. Going against your own values is really self-harm. I understand that the motivation behind your question is a desire to learn; you want to "lighten up" a bit, not sweat the small stuff, and take things in stride better. There is certainly virtue in being resilient. However, there is a fine line between being "accepting" and becoming a pushover.

Fs are lost without their values. You should never let people twist your moral senses and convince you that something wrong is right. Being loyal to the right values is the basis of proper self-care. Sure, there are "jokes" you can learn to brush off because they don't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things => healthy Ni, so you roll your eyes and move on. But don't then go to harmful extremes and tell yourself that you must "like" or "appreciate" them when you really just don't. You have a right to feel what you feel, don't you?

[ineedfairypee]

No more

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

If you make me feel unwanted, I won't message you anymore.