#assertiveness

[hot-astrology]

Venus Retrograde

(The love i once had)

Venus! one of the most lovely planets that loves. But everyone doesn't get to enjoy it the same way or have its fairytale play out the same way in their lives. Around 8 % of people have Venus retrograde in their natal chart. When a planet goes retrograde, in a persons chart its a life lesson and a new cycle of events that makes the person get new perspective of life and how this energy plays out. The person will learn how to go within and depend on their own values, and have more of a self introspective with what life has for them. Maybe last life time or times the person didn't use these energies wisely or could have not used them at all. It can make a person not satisfied with what they see or what a person presents to them. Maybe you could of been a person who always pushed out love, money, attention, to others but always seem to come up short and left high and dry with your feelings, emotions and desires left unfullfilled. We all want to be loved, cared for as well give it to others who deserve it. This is where it gets tricky and the struggle for those with this retrograde placement.

This life you are here to give yourself everything you want to push out to others. Its never selfish loving yourself first, and doing things that brings you joy or make you happy. As well you need to understand who deserves your LOVE, ENERGY, GIFTS, TIME and beautiful HEART. Its time to go within and understand why you love who you love or why you keep attracting the same encounters. Maybe its a karmic lesson that mirrors your insecurities, wants, needs, lust, desires, and old habits. Now this will play out differently in each and every ones chart, due to sign, house, aspect, degrees and life path. For the most part its a beautiful experience to go through, we at times look at things that deal with change, uncomfortability, and what the mass says, once you go through it and experience it yourself, it hits different.

When having a retrograde its like having opposing energies, you will play out the opposite sign and house but on the negative traits of that sign and house. Once you understand this you can shift the energies to your favor and use them to evolve into the new you. Thats why you can learn so much from the opposite of yourself, kind of like the ying yang, sun and moon etc.

Also degrees can play a major role in this situation. It can point to what area of life or what energy you need to change or adapt into to help you focus on transforming this outdated image.

Now we will give you some examples or placements with Venus retrograde and you will see how plays out in your chart and give you a better insight on your lifes experience.

Cancer/ Venus retrograde

Here can bring an individual who can love so hard that it smothers their partner. Fear of rejection, being not good enough could make this person emotionally broken and insecure. So they tend to overcompensate with over loving a person and not loving their selves. These individuals can be extra sensitive with any situation dealing with love matters, care and the heart. Need to love yourself as you would your partner, only then you will develop growth and bring others into your warm heart and get it back 10 fold. Be your own mother and nuture your broken and confused heart.

Scorpio/Venus retrograde

Well Venus in scorpio would be in detriment, so this makes this placement a little more challenging. For a retrograde ( our opinion ) the person will be extra picky, secluded, and like things how they like it. Kind of like a Virgo thats why Scorpio and virgo kind of have simular traits, but thats a different topic. So this will make them want to know everything about you. As well hesitate in pursuing a relationship, their relationships can be hidden and secretive. You need to fully open your hidden heart and experience deep transformative experiences. Learn your deep subconscious traits and the love, trust and loyalty you expect from others. Once you meet that partner you will be with them through thick and thin and also the toxic side.

Aries/Venus retrograde

Usually venus in aries would be your warrior, quick to talk to that girl or dude but not with this retrograde. They will be more of a shy type and kind of not letting people know about certain rejections in their love life, could get extra defensive when it comes to anything in the losing realm. You can be very dependent on other, feel like you need others help to be assertive and to gain money. You need to be independent and rely on yourself and own abilities. You need to go within to find that part of you that wants more in life from money, love, confidence, personal achievements etc. Remember you are in aries energy its a fire sign, so go after what you want and desire.

[xxrainburbxx]

[astrabear]

The tough thing about boundaries is that it’s not enough to state them, you have to enforce them.

I think some folks see “setting boundaries” as a kind of magic talisman to influence other people’s behavior. “I’ll tell you what I need or can’t accept, and you will act accordingly.” And sometimes that’s what happens, and that’s great! But if the other person disregards your stated boundaries, it doesn’t mean setting boundaries didn’t work.

Because boundaries aren’t about others’ behavior, they’re about your own. If the other person’s behavior doesn’t change, then yours has to. “Please don’t discuss [x topic] with me” is a request. “If you continue to talk about [x topic] then I will end this conversation/hang up/leave” is a boundary, which you must then enact. The point is less about stopping the other person (although that’s ideal) and more about protecting yourself. And you have to be committed to protecting yourself, because no one else will be.

You have to be so committed that you’re willing to tolerate other people being hurt or angry or uncomfortable. You have to accept that some relationships might change. You have to hold onto the idea that it’s all right for them to change, because the way they were before was hurting you, and you deserve to not be hurt. You gave them a choice: maintain a relationship or keep doing the thing that hurts you, and they chose to keep hurting you, so if the situation is now awkward or unpleasant that was because of their choice. Enforcing boundaries means deciding that if someone is going to feel bad here, it need not be always and only you.

There is no magic formula that will make other people treat you kindly and respectfully. But you can learn to treat yourself with kindness and respect. That’s what enforcing a boundary is.

[safe-haven-safe-place]

[csuitebitches]

Book Review: Book 2: The Art of Everyday Assertiveness (a 9-part series by Patrick King, “Be Confident and Fearless.”)

Book one review here.

I found this book had 20% of the content from the first book so I’ve avoided putting the same things again and again in this review.

Forward identifies these overwhelming feelings as the three underlying components in emotional blackmail: fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG).

The four types of blackmail:

1. The punisher’s threat occurs when the victim receives this message from the perpetrator: “Do what I want, or you will suffer negative consequences.”

2. The self-punisher’s threat takes advantage of the victim’s sense of guilt by sending the message, “Do what I want, or I will make myself suffer negative consequences.” Often this scenario includes high drama.

3. Closely related to the self-punisher’s threat is the sufferer’s threat. Rather than the threat of self-harm, the manipulator in this situation says, “Do what I want, or I will suffer negative consequences from the outside.” Consequences are external and not self-inflicted.

4. The final form of emotional blackmail is identified as the tantalizer’s threat. Rather than threatening a negative consequence, the perpetrator sends the message, “Do what I want, and you might enjoy positive consequences.”

-

The key to avoiding victimization is by taking time and learning to recognize feelings of fear, obligation, and guilt. This can be achieved by asking a few very simple questions:

“Am I not asserting myself by my own free will? Is this truly what I want, or is there a reason related to fear, obligation, or guilt?”

“Am I acting out of anxiety or excitement?”

-

Asking for help:

1. Ask and then stop talking.

Don’t follow up your ask with things like “only if you want”, “its up to you” etc.

2. Create a win win.

When asking for something from the other person, ask yourself:

- Are their needs being considered?

- How can this request benefit them?

- Is this a good time to make such a request?

- If the tables were turned, how would I view this request?

3. Make it easy.

Do not expect people to go out of their way in order for you to request a favor. Instead of your natural inclination to hedge with “Can we meet? Only if you have time,” you can substitute it with “Can we meet? Lunch is on me at your favorite sandwich place.” The key here is to make your ask smaller than it needs to be so it will be better received, and easier to squeeze out.

4. Offer clear cut options

if you are asking for someone to watch your dog, offer to take him to their place or let them stay at your place and use your building’s gym facilities while you are out of town. Also, make sure they have a way to say no without feeling guilty in case they cannot or do not want to do what you have asked.

5. Be direct.

Don’t have any ulterior moves. Express the ask as it is in your mind.

6. Be specific

Don’t ask vague, open ended questions. Inform them where they can exactly help you.

7. If someone says no, don’t be disheartened.

-

Types of assertion:

1. Empathic: acknowledge their feelings, appreciate them but be firm with your stance.

2. Consequence: a last resort if someone has made you reach the end of your tolerance. State what they did; how it made you feel; and the consequence of them not apologising/ taking responsibility.

3. Negative feelings: describe their (unwanted/ unjust) behaviour objectively, directly and specifically. Tell them how it impacted your describe your feelings as exactly as you can. State your preferred behaviour. “When you didn’t show up at the date we had planned, I had to cancel our reservations and felt embarrassed and hurt. In the future, could you just call me if you can’t make it?”

4. Discrepancy: when something happens due to a misunderstanding, lack of follow ups or unclear inventions. “I thought we were meeting for coffee at noon. Was I mistaken?”

-

In a 2010 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers analyzed people’s reactions to selfish versus generous actions in a game about rewards. They found that instead of appreciating the generous players, these were actually as equally disliked as the selfish ones. You may have tried taking on the dirty jobs nobody else wants or paying a bar tab at a work party in the hope it would endear you to a group. This is actually likely to have the opposite effect; your extreme generosity makes people just as uncomfortable as the selfish people who make life more difficult or refuse to contribute.

-

University of Notre Dame Researchers in 2011 found that disagreeable employees earned more than their agreeable counterparts. Disagreeable men earned 18% more than agreeable men. Agreeableness is a more socially expected norm in women, but disagreeable women still earned 5% more than the agreeable women, and these agreeable women lagged far behind the disagreeable men.

-

Communication styles: figure out your pattern in order to break it:

1. Passive

- low self esteem

- Dont express opinions or desires

- Avoidant

- Anger can build up quietly over time and then erupt

- Weak eye contact

- Bad posture

- Dont understand their own needs

2. Aggressive

- verbal, physical violence

- Put their own needs before others

- Overbearing

- Intense eye contact

- Poor listeners

- Impulsive

- Criticises 24/7

3. Passive aggressive

- appear to be “fine” but are not fine inside

- Sarcastic often

- Alienate themselves

- Sabotage

4. Assertive

- speaking up for themselves

- Clear

- Direct

- Good listeners

- High self esteem

- Open, relaxed body language

- Can navigate any situation without resentment, anger or loss of control

The passive communicator says, “People walk all over me,” and “No one cares how I feel about this.”

The aggressive communicator says, “I always get what I want—whatever it takes,” and “You’re worthless; you owe me.”

The passive-aggressive communicator says, “That’s fine . . . (That’s what you think),” and “They’ll see what happens to people who cross me.”

The assertive communicator says, “We’re both entitled to respectfully express our opinion,” and “I’m responsible for myself and no one owes me anything.”

-

Before you start to apologize, stop and ask yourself two questions:

“Did I actually do something wrong?”

And if not, “Did I really want to communicate that I think I did?”

If you over apologise, ask yourself:

1. What’s the first reaction you have when someone tells you no?

2. Was advocating on your own behalf off-limits in your family? Was it encouraged?

3. When you were younger, was it acceptable to speak up and share your opinion?

4. What other major experiences shaped your outlook regarding asserting yourself and respecting authority, particularly at the workplace?

-

Confronting a dominant personality doesn’t have to be combative. Simply ask, “Are you open for feedback on this?” If they say yes, which most people will, you can start by saying, “I tend to think of these things from a different perspective.” It keeps the conversation neutral. You’re not attacking their point of view. Instead, you’re just sharing yours.

-

Dr. Beth Polin, an assistant professor of management at Eastern Kentucky University and coauthor of The Art of the Apology, defines an apology as a statement that includes one or more of six components:

1. An expression of regret: This is the actual “I’m sorry” statement.

2. An explanation: This is a clarification of what happened, not a justification.

3. An acknowledgment of responsibility: In other words, owning up to your mistakes.

4. A declaration of repentance: For example, “I truly regret what I did.”

5. An offer of repair: “Maybe I can turn this around.”

6. A request for forgiveness: “I know I messed up, but I’m truly sorry and I’m asking your forgiveness.”

-

Assertiveness action plan:

1. Write down the times in your life where you have not felt assertive (been laughed at, walked all over, taken advantage of, etc)

2. Write down how you reacted (can be good/ bad/ neutral)

3. Write down the healthy response you would’ve given in that situation

4. Write a list of what you should avoid using from your internal dialogue or with other people. Also write a list of phrases that you feel more comfortable with that are also assertive.

- the author has a full schedule/ plan for 26 days on the assertiveness action plan with exercises. I didnt include everything, but i included things that I feel I can do.

[couldbetee]

Lately I’ve been struggling to find a balance between being the kind person I am while still reinforcing my boundaries…

Some say to just speak up or be assertive but as a retired people pleaser ..it has been tough

When attempting to practice assertiveness it has often felt as though I was putting on a mask over who I was. I literally felt a pit in my stomach and my tongue instantly ties..

Recently I listened to @sheissobougie’s podcast episode on boundary setting & I loved it! Completely changed my perspective on the topic

In the episode she details how questioning disrespect is one of the best ways to reinforce boundaries. Basically acting dumbfounded when anyone tries to play you lmao

I love this approach because it allows me to remain true to myself without “stepping outside my comfort zone” … yelling or doing the most when people over step just isn’t my 1st reaction … nor do I ever want it to be

However… if I need to act like a bitch… bitchy Tee will most definitely make a cameo!

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

If you make me feel unwanted, I won't message you anymore.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, I'm a troubled INFJ asking on how to find an answer for a dilemma I'm having w my family members. I don't truly hate, but I lack affection for my father and sister; caring for them doesn't bring me comfort.

I grew up in a poor family. From a young age, I witnessed my father indulging in gambling and abusing my mother. Our conversations at home were often filled with yelling and swearing. My mother, despite her kindness and sacrifice, couldn't restrain my father's behavior (I believe my mom is ISFJ). We endured many nights of fear and tears as my father gambled away our livelihood. My father never cared about our education or well-being; his selfish pursuits always came first. He never provided for us financially, spending all his earnings on gambling and accumulating debt.

My sister dropped out of school early and never held a stable job. She is stubborn and refuses to listen to advice. Despite my mother's efforts to support her, my sister remains dependent and directionless. As for me, I finally completed university and secured a stable job despite tons of obstacles that could have made me give up halfway. I contribute financially to support my family, paying off debts and even purchasing land and building a house for my sister. However, the lack of love and warmth in my family has left me feeling lonely and disconnected.

I fear marrying someone like my father and becoming trapped in a cycle of misery. At home, I fulfill my responsibilities but keep my distance emotionally. I provide for my family's needs, but I find myself only caring for my mother, not my father or sister. I wonder if I'm selfish or afraid of responsibility for feeling this way. How do I find an answer to this question myself?

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Growing up in a poor family isn't the issue. The real issue is that you grew up in an abusive environment and thus haven't learned what healthy relationships should look like.

What exactly do you mean when you use the word "responsibility"? Okay, common sense dictates that you are responsible for yourself and the choices you make. But are you responsible for your father or sister and the choices they have made? Do you have a responsibility to fix their mistakes and compensate for their bad behavior? Are you solely responsible for keeping the family together when half of the members don't care?

Yes, it's important to be a responsible person if you want to feel like you have good moral character. However, taking on more responsibility than is reasonable for a single person to shoulder is a serious problem in several ways:

1) It is damaging to your well-being. Responsibility comes with stress, and stress has a deleterious effect on both physical and mental health. Taking on the responsibilities of others compounds stress dramatically. Your capacity to handle stress is finite, which means that you will eventually feel burn-out or experience a mental breakdown or lash out destructively (Se grip).

2) It makes you ripe for mistreatment. Lack of healthy boundaries is a common symptom of Fe overindulgence in INFJs, i.e., it is a problem that needs to be remedied as part of your type development. Taking responsibility for someone else's decisions means that their problems become your problems. If you allow this to happen again and again, you are broadcasting to the world that you are an easy target for manipulation and exploitation. All they have to do is activate your guilt and you'll take care of whatever they throw at you. You'll become a doormat at best and a victim at worst.

3) It rewards other people's bad behavior. Facing up to negative consequences is essential for human learning and improvement. When you take responsibility that should rightfully belong to someone else, you are essentially shielding them from the consequences of their behavior. When there is always someone else to clean up messes for them, what incentive do they have to clean it up themselves? If anything, they are incentivized to make even bigger messes. This makes you complicit in their bad behavior because you are enabling it. When you or your mother are excessively "supportive", you might actually be making this unhealthy family dynamic worse.

Your question implies that you have a duty to always be caring and loving to everyone in your family no matter what. Why do you hold this belief? Do you come from a culture that tells you family is everything and going against them is always a betrayal? There's nothing I can say to help if this is truly what you want to believe.

A healthy family should have a sense of equality and equity. Every member of the family should contribute a fair share. Every member of the family should care enough to only take what is needed (as opposed to take advantage of kindness). Every member of the family should get enough love and support.

When one member of the family behaves in a way that is harmful to the other members, they no longer deserve the privileges of membership. Social "responsibility" shouldn't be one-sided. A relationship is like a social contract where both parties agree to terms and conditions that aim to keep the relationship healthy and thriving. When one party intentionally breaks the contract over and over again, you no longer owe them the duty of carrying out your portion of the contract. Is it reasonable to force yourself to like/love someone who has repeatedly shown that they don't like/love you? Wouldn't this amount to torturing yourself?

Perhaps you think it makes you a bad person for turning on family. Nobody is saying that you have to do bad things to your father and sister or treat them cruelly. The point being made here is that you have a right to be treated with respect and you deserve care as well. And when people don't treat you with respect and care, you have a right to protect yourself from their harmful behavior by pulling away from them physically and emotionally. In other words, you have a right to your personal space, you have a right to set rules of social engagement, and you have a right to end any interaction/relationship that hurts you. Having healthy boundaries means being assertive in advocating for your own needs and well-being.

If you don't learn to set healthy boundaries in your family, this problem is very likely to carry over into your friendships and romantic relationships. Do you want this feeling of loneliness to come up again and again? If not, what you need to do is learn to seek love from the right sources. Family or not, do not hope or beg for a person to reciprocate your love when they have shown you that they are not capable of love. This is part of what it means to have self-respect.

[serenityquest]

[akindplace]

It might be hard to assert yourself after putting your head down for so long, and it might be harder for other people to accept it. It's not that you became an awful person for not putting up with people's shit, you have changed for the best, but some people will make you feel like prioritizing your health is unreasonable because they expected you to tolerate their behavior and never put up any boundaries. They might have learned what to expect from you, to have high expectations and to believe you would never really say "no" to them, and it comes as a shock to them. Yet, it doesn't mean you should keep up doing what they expect from you, and it doesn't mean you are being a bad person to them just because they never thought you would get tired of being pushed. It doesn't mean you should go back to the way you were. It doesn't mean you have to tolerate anything to avoid conflict. Boundaries assert to others how they can be in your life in a healthy way, and if they don't want you to change how much access they have to you, then maybe it's not time to put your boundaries down, but to make them clearer and to make sure you maintain them. And if they want to have so much control over you, then maybe it's time to walk away from someone who thinks they can do whatever they want to you.

[dinomang0]

Peculiar Drinks

Ayato offers Thoma another one of his odd drinks, making Thoma sick; however, what awaits Thoma outside the restroom door is another drink, one that Thoma, for his sanity and neediness, can't decline. Basically a smut fic.

(I posted this on AO3 but edited several parts[minimal edits, mainly word changes] I'll probably update AO3 with this version instead.)

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“These drinks are atrocious,” Thoma exclaims as he hovers over the toilet. “I don’t know how much more I can take.” 

Thoma hears Ayato sigh from the other side of the door. “Thoma, you shouldn't be so dainty with food.”

Thoma can only groan at this reply. He’s an avid food enthusiast, but this is pushing his limits. Having grown suspicious of every item his lord comes home to has Thoma cringing every second, knowing that consuming it will lead to him taking a dreaded trip to the restroom, hunched over the toilet, with his hands gripping onto the sides. It was a common occurrence that Thoma couldn’t avoid, and no matter how much his mind told him to object to the offer made by his lord, Thoma always found himself accepting it. 

However, dwelling on his misery won't excuse him from his duties of the day, so Thoma decides to clean himself up. He looks into the mirror, puts his hair back into a neat ponytail, and flattens his clothes. He’s embarrassed at having such a weak stomach and bolting out of the room after devouring the drink, but he has to come out of the restroom at some point because hiding here won’t do him any good. 

Checking himself in the mirror once more, he exits the restroom and meets a concerned Ayato, who has his finger on his chin sucked into some deep thought as he leans against the wall in the hallway. They immediately lock eyes, and Thoma can already sense the different demeanor in his lord's character. 

“I offer my sincere apologies, Thoma.” 

“Oh no, my lord. You shouldn’t be so concerned, ” Thoma waves his hands. Thoma didn’t want Ayato to mellow over a minor situation like this because this was purely for fun, and there were no ill intentions with Ayato’s actions. 

“I see, but I should have more caution with my source of… entertainment. My intentions do not fall within malicious ones, especially not having you regurgitate the items I offer .” 

“To be fair, I am the one who chooses to consume them,” Thoma chimes. “I’d say the fault is partially mine as well. This isn’t to say the drinks aren’t awful because, my lord, they are horrendous.” 

Ayato chuckles, and Thoma sighs in relief, glad his lord wasn’t wallowing in his culpability even though Thoma never held any grudge over any incident involving his lord handing him revolting drinks. Maybe he should, considering it was purely entertainment, but Thoma never did. Somehow, knowing it was for entertainment, made Thoma all the more willing to accept future offers. 

“Thoma, that reminds me, I have a question I’ve wanted to ask you regarding this topic.” Ayato suddenly breaks the silence that filled the air between them both, and he steps away from the wall, repositioning himself in front of Thoma, whose back is near the wall. “If the drinks I offer are as horrendous as you say, why not decline them?” 

The question catches Thoma off guard. Why does he always eat or drink everything Ayato gives him? It’s not like he’s terrified of saying no to Ayato; instead, he’s afraid of letting him down. But there’s no actual reason he does it apart from satisfying Ayato. 

Or perhaps it has something to do with the way Thoma marvels at the look Ayato has when he innocently hands him a suspicious item. Ayato’s eyes seem delicate and angelic when he’s talking to Thoma about a new drink he wants him to try. But most of all, Thoma likes how Ayato looks at him after suffering through the agony of drinking the odd beverage. Ayato’s expression changes to one of concern and satisfaction, a mixture of two opposite emotions that make Ayato appear so enchanting. That is the sight Thoma seeks and a sight that makes Thoma’s knees feel weak, but he can’t just say this to Ayato, not without ruining the relationship they have. 

“Well, you see, I—”

Ayato gets closer to Thoma, closing the space between them, and Thoma’s back meets the wall. “My lord?”

“You’re always rambling about these foods, yet your mouth still chews them,” Ayato looks into his eyes. “You argue about these distasteful drinks, yet your throat still swallows them whole.”

When Thoma doesn’t respond, Ayato quickly questions him. “Have you never wondered why I offer you such distasteful drinks?” 

“Isn’t it for your amusement?” Thoma asks, knowing his question carries some truth to Ayato’s actual reasoning for offering him such condiments. 

Ayato cunningly smiles, and it’s a smile that tells Thoma his assumptions aren’t far from the truth. “I offer them because, in return, I get a delectable reward,” Ayato smiles, caressing Thoma’s cheek. “I get to see you squirm in disgust, and let me tell you, Thoma, it’s almost like it’s an amorous sight to drink up.” 

Ayato gently caresses Thoma’s cheek as he continues to explain his twisted reasoning behind offering him such repulsive drinks. “I love seeing your body tremble as you struggle to swallow the drink, the way your eyes squeeze shut with tears threatening at the corners, and the low groan of disgust you let out… it makes me hot all over.” 

Thoma gulps, unsure how to respond because this was a predicament he hadn’t anticipated. He had just been in the bathroom, and now he stands here: his body in between Ayato’s arms, completely enveloping him whole as they cross the boundaries of their professional relationship, while Ayato confesses what he somewhat knew this whole time. 

Ayato is closer to him than usual, and Thoma feels his face flush with embarrassment. But when Thoma looks directly at Ayato, he sees that his lord's face is calm, and his lip is up in a soft smile, looking as innocent as ever. 

Trying to regain his relaxed composure, Thoma tries to sound as calm as possible and goes back to responding to Ayato’s first statement. “I swallow the drinks for you. That is why I never decline your offers.”

“Why is that? Why do you put yourself through so much agony for me?” Ayato puts a finger on Thoma’s chin and lifts Thoma’s face to meet his. Thoma remains quiet, not knowing what to say, but to his relief, Ayato covers the silence. 

“You haven’t answered my questions,” Ayato laughs, “then again, I’m not allowing you to answer my questions because, quite frankly, I don’t need one.” 

“All I need is you right now,” Ayato leans in and whispers into Thoma’s ear. “I’ve been needing you for so long, Thoma.”

The heat against his ear tightens his stomach and sends a shiver of desire through him. This action alone prompts him to grab Ayato by the collar and pull his face directly toward him. Thoma doesn’t let go of Ayato’s collar, and they maintain eye contact, both of their gazes conveying the immense lust they feel for the other. Ayato looks so full of intense sexual desire; his mouth is slightly open, making the mole below his lip appear so seductive, and the way his tongue licks his top teeth from the inside is enough to make Thoma’s desire reach an all-time high. Thoma gets the sudden craving to mess up his Lord, the man who always maintains his elegant composure no matter what situation he is in and walks with a great sense of dignity. Thoma wants that wall to break, and hell would it be beautiful if he were the one to break it. 

Thoma doesn’t contemplate the consequences of his actions or the possibility of rejection. Nor does he bother relocating them somewhere more private when he decides to press his lips against Ayato's because all he wants at this moment is for Ayato’s mischievous eyes to be swept away with vulnerability and pleasure. 

Ayato hums in surprise, caught off guard by the assertive move made by his retainer, but he immediately returns the kiss. They kiss each other, their lips gently capturing each other in a passionate kiss that shows how long they’ve desired each other. They take their time, savoring each moment, until Thoma slips his tongue into Ayato’s mouth, and Ayato complies with a low moan. 

Fuck. The noise Ayato makes is so vulnerable, something Thoma isn’t used to hearing, and it sends him into a spiral of sexual longing.

Thoma grinds his hips against Ayato’s body, and both can feel the other's erect cock through the thick layers of clothing separating the two from close contact. Ayato moves his hands toward Thoma’s waist, holding him in place, and he begins to grind his pelvis into Thoma’s body. Thoma finds the length of Ayato’s hair and aggressively pulls on it, wanting to hear his moans of pain. 

To his pleasure, Ayato gives off a low moan.

“So… aggressive,” Ayato groans as he keeps dry fucking into Thoma. 

Thoma’s body is hot all over, and he swears he can cum from just this: dry fucking with no intimate touch, but Thoma needs more. He needs to feel more than just Ayato’s lips against his own. 

“Ayato,” Thoma breaks apart from the kiss, tugging at his lord's collar, realizing that the saliva from kissing won’t do anything for his libido, so Thoma makes a suggestion, one he’s lustful for. “Let me…” Thoma moves his lips towards Ayato’s neck, placing gentle pecks against his skin. “... taste more of you.” 

Ayato’s body tenses, his eyes widening, before grabbing Thoma’s chin, “ The pleasure is all mine.” 

That is all Thoma needs to hear because the next thing he does is grab Ayato by the waist and turn them around, ignoring the quiet gasp that escapes Ayato’s lips and the noise made when Ayato's back meets the wall. Thoma slips his hand underneath Ayato’s shirt, longing to feel the pale skin beneath his clothing. He trails his finger along every inch of Ayato’s skin, making sure not to miss any spot. Thoma isn’t sure when he’ll ever be able to relish the sensation of Ayato’s skin, so he makes it his pivotal goal to touch every inch he has to offer. 

Thoma unties the cord around Ayato’s waist, granting him access to remove his pants. The cords fall to the floor, making a small thud, and they both know nothing is separating them from intimacy. Thoma gets down on his knees and looks up at Ayato, curious as to what expression lies on his lord's face. 

Ayato’s looking down at him with such admiration and want. It makes Thoma desperately want him even more. 

May I?” Thoma tugs at his pants, asking for permission to remove it. 

“Yes,” Ayato breathes out. 

Thoma lowers Ayato’s pants. He’s met with his undergarment, and before he can ask for permission to remove it again, Ayato quickly replies. “Yes, Thoma.” 

Thoma nods in approval and smiles up at the blue-haired man. His attention quickly diverts to the last layer of clothing separating his mouth and hands from Ayato’s length. 

Before removing it, Thoma slowly traces his fingers along the waistband of Ayato’s undergarment. He then slips a finger in, gently moving his finger in circles slightly above Ayato’s cock, and he feels Ayato shudder.

Thoma caresses his cock through the layer of clothing, letting his palm roam up and down the unfamiliar intimacy of his lord. Thoma places a kiss on Ayato's cock, his hand still exploring him. He opens his mouth as he kisses the head of his cock and sucks on it, damping his lord's undergarments with his saliva. He knows he’s provoking Ayato, a man known for his disappointment when plans don’t go his way. Thoma’s aware that the only thing on Ayato’s mind is having his cock inside of his mouth, but Thoma doesn’t want to give Ayato anything just yet. He wants his lord to suffer, to know what it feels like when someone other than you is in control. He wants to render Ayato powerless and entirely at his mercy.  

“Enough with the teasing,” Ayato groans, impatience coursing through his body. 

Thoma’s amused by the neediness in his lord and questioningly hums, “What’s the rush? Are you that eager to get sucked?” 

Thoma slips off Ayato’s garments, and he immediately stares at the cock in front of him. It was huge, full, and hard, and Ayato’s cock, which was everything Thoma had ever wanted in his mouth. 

Before taking all of Ayato’s length into his mouth, Thoma starts with slow licks. He licks the sides of Ayato’s cock, gradually working his tongue up and down, making sure he covers every inch. Thoma wants every inch to feel the wetness of his tongue. 

Thoma wants Ayato’s cock to have his print. 

He suddenly takes Ayato’s length into his mouth and feels Ayato’s legs shudder against him. He gags at first, the length far too big for the size of his mouth, but he still accepts it in him. Having his mouth full of his lord's cock makes him wallow in shame and pride, and it’s a sensation he’ll never be able to let go of. Tears prickle at the corner of his eyes as he tries to deepthroat it, his head coming up to free his throat and back down to fill him with Ayato’s cock. 

“Good boy, you’ve got it,” Ayato praises Thoma for taking him in so well while gently caressing Thoma’s cheeks. 

The praise makes Thoma release a soft hum in satisfaction, and he takes him in whole again. He bobs his head up and down, the sound of sucking and saliva being the only thing audible in his lord's hallway. Thoma places his left hand on Ayato’s cock, slicking it with the saliva on his cock, and he begins to move it in the same rhythm as his mouth. His hand and mouth work up Ayato, feeling everything, touching everything, and reeling in the sensation of his bare cock against his skin. 

Ayato stretches his arm out, and before Thoma is aware of it, Ayato aggressively pushes his head down, making Thoma choke. Thoma’s vision blurs, and he feels himself get full of Ayato’s cock, far more than he could handle. 

Without warning, Ayato grabs onto Thoma’s head, shoves it away from his cock, and leans down. He grabs Thoma’s chin, lifting it to meet his eyes, “Would you mind if I were to face fuck you?” 

Fuck. Thoma’s dick twitches at the vulgarness of Ayato’s question. To have Ayato have his way with his mouth would be shameful yet so rewarding for the lust he feels spreading throughout his whole body. 

“I wouldn’t mind,” Thoma looks up to meet Ayato, who looks down at him with a lubricious smile. 

Ayato lets go of his chin, and Thoma watches as he places his hands on either side of his head. With no warning, Ayato shoves Thoma’s head down, letting his throat meet the end of Ayato’s cock. He gags at the sudden assertive move, not having much time to process the sudden invasion in his throat. Thoma’s hands quickly reach out toward Ayato’s waist, gripping both sides for stability. Ayato starts thrusting into Thoma’s throat, his grip on Thoma’s head remaining harsh with every thrust. Tears swell at the corner of Thoma’s eyes, but he rapidly blinks, refusing to let any slip so soon. 

Thoma feels the way Ayato’s cock hits the back of his throat, not giving him any chance to breathe before the next thrust makes its way into his throat, filling him full of Ayato’s length over and over. He’s not given any breaks to take long breaths. It’s as though the only thing breathable right now is Ayato.

Before he knows it, he feels warm tears slowly trailing down his face, the warmth making the pit in his stomach grow deeper, and it makes Thoma imagine the sensation of a warm substance in his throat. The warm pool in his stomach only gets hotter the more he feels Ayato’s cock in his throat. 

For only being in his throat, Thoma feels like Ayato is in him whole. He feels Ayato in his stomach and in his hole that’s longing to be filled with his lord's cock. It’s unbearable. Thoma wants his lord to release in his mouth so all of him can be consumed by Ayato’s fluids. 

“Do you like getting your throat mercilessly fucked by your lord?” Ayato breathlessly asks, his body succumbing to the pleasure of having his cock slicked with Thoma’s saliva. 

Thoma hums, unable to respond to his lord's question because Ayato’s cock sits still in his mouth. “I asked you a question, didn’t I, Thoma?”

Thoma looks up at Ayato with teary eyes, rapidly blinking at him to show him that he’s unable to speak with such a thing in his mouth. 

“Ah, right, it’s nearly impossible to speak when your mouth’s full with your lord's cock isn't it?” Ayato caresses Thoma’s cheeks with his finger, slowly trailing upwards. Thoma feels Ayato wipe a tear away from his eye, and he watches as Ayato brings his finger up to his mouth and licks the tear off his gloved finger. “How shameful, look at you sucking off your lord in public, while everyone else works hard and you’re here.”

“Are you not concerned about any retainers walking in on us?” Ayato questions, and Thoma hums, gently shaking his head as he looks up to his lord.  “The fear of them walking in any moment makes me even hotter, Thoma, and I’m sure you can agree.”

Ayato then quickly gets back to throat fucking into Thoma. Thoma notices the increase in pace and the clumsiness in Ayato’s thrusts. Ayato is close to his orgasm, and Thoma is ashamed to imagine how he is too. How pitiful of him if he were to cum from throat-fucking his lord. 

“Fuck Thoma,” Ayato moans. “You feel so good.” 

Thoma feels saliva trail down his chin and onto his neck with every movement of Ayato’s thrusts that restrict him from having any control over his mouth. 

Thoma continues to deepthroat his cock, paying more attention to his movements as he brings Ayato closer and closer to his orgasm. “Please, please, just like that,” Ayato begs, desperation lacing his voice, making Thoma moan at the neediness in his lord. Ayato continues to give low moans, begging his retainer to continue to please him.  

 “Thoma,” Ayato moans, his body shaking as he releases into Thoma’s mouth. The warm fluid shoots into Thoma’s mouth, and he pridefully swallows it. It’s warm and salty and something Thoma has never had the pleasure of tasting before. The taste is impeccable and mouth-watering, and the warmness of his cum makes his body jerk forward, making him moan in pleasure. Thoma makes sure not a single drop escapes his mouth because it’s Ayato’s cum, his lord's cum, which makes this even more arousing. After all, an assistant swallowing his lord's cum while the others are outside the estate, innocently carrying out their duties demanded of the commissioner while one of them gets face fucked like a whore, is a vulgar act that makes Thoma feel filthy. 

Thoma feels so dirty having swallowed Ayato’s cum. Swallowing his lord's cum, is such a degrading and pleasurable experience, and something he would have never imagined would have him so excited. 

Thoma opens his mouth to let go of Ayato’s cock, allowing Ayato's cock to hang free. He pulls his face away, a string of saliva present that attaches his mouth and Ayato’s cock. Thoma looks up at Ayato and sees his body leaning against the wall with his eyes focused on the ceiling, the back of his hand against his forehead, sweat dripping down his red face. Thoma realizes that vulnerability looks so beautiful on Ayato, and he can’t help but admire the mess he’s put Ayato in. 

Thoma wipes his face, removing the saliva covering his lips and chin, and stands up. He knows he looks a mess, with his cheeks stained with tears and his hair a mess. Thoma silently stares as Ayato fixes his clothing and ties his cords, making sure he looks presentable after such a sexual scene before heading out to fulfill his duties as commissioner for the day. 

Ayato looks up at Thoma, moving closer to the man. “You were so good, Thoma.” 

“And you tasted far better than that odd drink you gave me earlier,” Thoma says, looking into Ayato’s eyes and back down to his pink-flushed lips.

“Then maybe from now on, I should offer you myself instead of odd drinks,” Ayato suggests, tracing his fingers against Thoma’s lips and letting his thumb drag down his bottom lip. 

Thoma grabs onto Ayato's thumb, stroking the top.“That sounds far more tolerable,” Thoma replies, doing his best to appear unfazed by the venereal suggestion offered by his lord, even though his stomach clenched at the suggestion

“Great,” Ayato replies, diverting his attention from the ceiling onto Thoma. “I’ll offer you another drink tomorrow.” 

Thoma catches Ayato’s sexually suggestive smirk and offers one of his own. “I’ll look forward to it.” 

[fiction-quotes]

...but a hint was to Esk what a mosquito bite was to the average rhino because she was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.

  —  Equal Rites (Terry Pratchett)

[safe-haven-safe-place]

@therapywithabby

[csuitebitches]

do you have any tips or book recommendations that can help me to become more assertive? to express my opinions, feelings and thoughts more openly...

Book review here!

Id recommend you go through these interview videos as well. When you see how other people actually practice assertiveness in real life, it’s easier to emulate it.

[sensible-tips]

Mindful Monday

9 examples of what honoring your personal boundaries can sound like.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

Don’t let someone get comfortable in disrespecting you.