ddejavvu · 3 months ago
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Spring Fling - Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Reader (Part Two) (18+) / Part One
Summary: You should have known the ‘no refunds’ detail on the website for Spring Fling was a red flag. But you paid no mind to it, eager to be assigned a quick fuck for spring break. When the man that walks through your cabin door is none other than Jake 'Hangman' Seresin, your wildly infuriating fellow pilot, you have two choices: bicker the entire time and have a miserable spring break, or fuck.
Contents/Warnings: smut, minors dni. fem!reader, pilot!reader, enemies/rivals to lovers, lots and lots of arguing, could these two people be any less cooperative, sex seven ways to sunday and then some, seriously like so much smut it'll make your eyes bleed, makeouts, rough sex, oral (m+f receiving), penetrative sex, will add as i post
WC: 5.3K / navigation / inbox
A/N: if you've been on my blog anytime since last year and you've heard me mention 'my big hangman fic', this is it! I've been working on Spring Fling for almost a year now, and I'm so excited to share it with you. I hope you enjoy this, and I'm glad so many new people are making their way into our top gun fandom because of twisters and Glen's role in it. Welcome, and enjoy!
feedback is greatly appreciated! comment, reblog, talk in the tags, send me a message, tell me what you think!
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An uncomfortable nap taken out of sheer spite does nothing to improve your mood. Your neck is stiff now, as is your spine, and it pops when you stretch from your place on the tiny loveseat.
“Well, Sleeping Beauty has risen,” Jake grins, the cocky expression boiling your blood, “Ready for dinner, sunshine?”
“I’m going to push you off of this boat.” You grumble, and Jake blinks, toning his smile down into a grimace.
“Well, maybe some food’ll improve your mood.” Jake rises from where he’d been presumably sleeping as well, though you’re surprised he fell asleep after you and woke up before you. His bedhead gives him away, and he runs his fingers through it, “We’ve got a table reserved in the restaurant for 6, darlin’. We should get there a little early, though, wanna head out now?”
Your nose wrinkles involuntarily, though you wouldn’t have stopped it, “You reserved us a table? I’m not eating with you.”
“We eat together all the time,” He scoffs, “Come on, Y/L/N, this is no different from eating in the mess hall.”
“It’s different because everyone who sees us is either going to think we just had sex, or that we’re about to,” You protest, but he’s out of sympathy to feign.
“Or both,” He grins, running a hand once more through his slightly less messy hair. He’s still barely dressed, and it takes effort for your eyes not to naturally drift away from his face. 
“You’re usually wearing a uniform when we eat in the mess hall, Hangman,” You narrow your eyes at him, glancing pointedly below his neck to his bare chest, but straying no further, “Unless they’ve hired you to be a stripper on board, and I’m just now finding out?”
“Nah, I auditioned but they said I was too good,” He crosses his bulging biceps over his chest, a haughty smirk on his face, “I didn’t wanna steal any tips from the ladies.”
“Right,” You drawl, aiming to move past him to reach your suitcase that’s been mysteriously moved from beside your head to the side of the bed opposite from where Jake had been sleeping. Except, the man blocking your path doesn’t move, and you’re stuck in the small hallway-like space that the loveseat is squished into.
“Hangman,” Your teeth are gritted, and they warp your words slightly, “Move. I need my suitcase, I’m going to change for dinner.”
“I don’t see anything wrong with your dress,” He eyes the fabric with feigned consideration, “Except of course that it’s a little long. It only needs to go up to about here,” He snakes a hand towards your waist, laying two hefty smacks against the skin on your hip that lines up just beneath the curve of your ass. He moves faster than you can back away, but you land a valiant smack against his hand when he withdraws it, “Then you could join my stripping act.”
“Hangman, if you touch me again, I’ll rip off your balls,” You swear, but there’s still a glint of mischief far too bright in his eyes for your liking, so you shove past him, making sure to tap your knuckles gently between his legs for good measure.
He groans, hunching over and breathing heavily, “Shit, Y/L/N, you trying to take out the Seresin line?”
“It’s not that bad,” You drawl, setting your suitcase on the bed and delving into its contents, “But a world where you can’t reproduce sounds like one I want to live in.”
You’re already halfway to the bathroom, your evening dress in hand when he calls back, “You act all high and mighty now,” You can hear the grin that Jake’s voice indicates, even if he’s rummaging through his own suitcase for something to wear, “But later tonight I’m gonna have you beggin’ for me to knock you up, darlin’.”
Jake’s efforts to break into the bathroom you’re changing in are certainly impressive, if nothing else. He tries the knob at first, like you’d have forgotten to turn the lock before stripping naked. When you demand a reason he claims he’d forgotten his deodorant, which is a perfect excuse seeing as you miss no chances to point out his sweat-stench after training.
You spot the stick on the counter and give yourself the satisfaction of rolling your eyes, even if he’s not present to see it.
The second time he knocks, having learned his lesson, “Y/N, I need to pee.”
“I’m changing!” You cry, the straps on your dress proving impossible to untangle. Apparently being jostled in a suitcase wasn’t ideal for the dress’s shape.
“Changing what, seasons? By the time you get dressed our leave will be over, and you’re gonna have to get back into uniform.”
“If you’re so anxious to get to dinner, go by yourself!” You insist, frustration laced tight to your tone, “I’ll figure this fucking dress out, enjoy a leisurely meal, and then I’ll meet up with Daniel afterwards!”
You’re so used to Jake’s rapidfire quips that the silence ensuing after your declaration feels awkward. But it’s a victory, one that you don’t often win against the man outside the bathroom door, and you let it ease the sharp sting of annoyance that your dress is needling into you.
A fist lands heavy against the door, and Jake’s voice is unusually devoid of mirth, “Open up.”
“Jake, no!” You spit out his first name like a hex, “I fucking told you-”
“I’m going to help you,” He calls through the door, knocking incessantly, “Come on, you said you can’t figure out your dress, I’ll help you.”
“Nice try!” You scoff, finally pulling at the correct string and watching as the others fall into precarious place around them. You jab your arm into the hole it’s created and slip the rest of them into formation, standing triumphant in front of the mirror and realizing you look quite like you’ve had sex after all.
You smooth down a few flyaway hairs, grab Jake’s deodorant, and fling the door open, just as Jake flattens his hand to slam his palm into the wood, no doubt trying to make more noise than a simple knock.
You’re looking at his face, and he’s looking at yours, but both of you can feel his hand pressed firmly into your tit. You don’t doubt that he’d intended to hit the door instead of you, but he’s not moving away, either. You both stand paralyzed until his brain catches up with his body and he jerks his hand away, lashes fluttering as he blinks bewilderedly despite the wry grin purposefully etched into his features in an attempt to remain nonchalant.
“Didn’t mean to do that,” He simpers, and you’re certain that’s the closest to ‘I’m sorry’ he’s ever given you. You know him well enough to know he’s adequately flustered, but outsiders might not catch the barely-there pink tinge to his tan cheeks, too distracted by his charming smile.
You overlook the accident if only to save yourself the awkward confrontation, ducking your head and shoving the deodorant stick against his chest. His hands come up to catch it and you make a break for the heels you’d set out by the closet, intent on strapping them on instead of talking to him.
He mumbles a distracted, ‘Thanks,’ when you hand him his deodorant, but the stick remains firmly capped in his hands as his gaze trails after you.
“Your dress looks nice.” He concludes, voice a tone softer than it normally is. It’s- nice. You’re too used to the bite of his southern drawl, the way he pairs a cocky quip with an eye-roll more vicious than even the most belligerent teenager. Now they’re soft and gooey-brown as he stares at the straps on your shoulders. This isn’t the first kind thing he’s ever said to you, but it’s certainly the first in a long time, and you swallow the urge to use it against him.
“Thank you.” You grumble, then, to steer away from the thick silence you’ve been enveloped in, “Not sure it’s worth it, though, those straps were fucking confusing.”
You swear you hear a mumbled, ‘It was,’, but Jake’s back is turned to you as he sets his still-capped deodorant on the bathroom counter, so you can’t be sure.
You’re surprised to find that the elevator is just as empty as you’d left it when you and Jake board to head to the 9th floor. The restaurant Jake had reserved your table at is upscale, and you presume everyone else is too busy boning to manage a sit-down meal. You settle against the back wall of the elevator in silence, looking but not watching as Jake presses the 9 button with a thick finger.
The last time you were in this elevator, Daniel was backing you up against the railing and kissing you.
Just the thought brings heat to your cheeks, and you’re thankful for the support that the wall behind you offers. If it wasn’t there, you’re not sure your weak knees would withstand the crushing weight of your weighty crush.
“Was that where he sucked your face?” Jake’s voice shatters your reverie into a million tiny, unsalvageable pieces, and you forget any momentary truce that you might have had with him only moments ago.
“Excuse me?” You level a glare at the man across from you, unimpressed with his accusation even though it was accurate, “He did not suck my face. He kissed me like a gentleman.”
Jake lets out a bark of laughter, “Right. Because gentlemen smear a woman’s lipstick halfway over her chin.”
Despite knowing you’d have seen any makeup smudges when you’d been in the bathroom earlier, your hand darts to your chin.
Jake takes it as an admission of guilt, and his sharp grin only grows, “Exactly. I’ve sucked faces before, I know what the result is.”
A rather unsavory memory assaults you of Jake crowding a vacationing New Yorker up against a wall of the Hard Deck. You push away the nauseating burning in your chest at the image, intent on never seeing Jake Seresin’s tongue inside of anyone’s mouth but his own again.
“You suck faces,” You conclude, still slightly bothered by what you’d recalled, “Daniel kisses.”
“Daniel,” Jake snorts, grasping for something to tease, “That’s not a very moan-able name, is it?”
“Neither is Jake,” You retort, “Jake sounds like a toddler running loose at the mall.”
“That’s why the ladies call me Hangman,” Jake grins, his eyes narrowed in an attempt at a smirk, “Well, some of ‘em call me Hungman by the end of the night.”
“Oh,” Your face twists into a grimace, and you’re thankful for the dinging of the elevator, “You’re not allowed to talk at dinner.”
“Only way you’ll get me to shut up is if you gag me, darlin’.” Jake laughs, stepping out of the elevator and following behind you even as you storm ahead towards the entrance to the dining room.
It’s an opulent room, chandeliers and crystal adorning every surface. You slow your pace before you reach the reception desk, so that the poor employee doesn’t think you’re going to vault over the counter and attack him, but you’re fairly certain there’s still a scowl on your face when you attempt to speak with him.
“We have a table reserved,” You inform the man, conscious of Jake’s impressive build lingering behind you, present and firm, “Room 838?”
With a quick few buttons pressed on the screen before him, the host nods, customer service smile on full force as he gestures to his left, “Of course, right this way.”
You let him lead, and you try not to get distracted by the grandiose decor. Whether it’s authentic material, or just plastic spray-painted gold, it’s beautiful, and you’re so absent-minded that you don’t acknowledge your table until you’re stopped in front of it.
“Here you are; have a lovely meal.” The man politely excuses himself, heading back to the front to greet whoever else is waiting to be checked in for their tables.
You’d been too overwhelmed by finding out that your hot sexy mystery man was actually your brutally combative fellow pilot to think about what dinner would entail beyond heated bickering. He’d drawn a comparison to the mess hall and your brain had run with it, but this is decidedly different from the drab benches you’re used to.
This is a small, delicate, round table, a white tablecloth draped elegantly overtop. It’s two candles, giving off a small aura of warm light around the dim restaurant, crystalline dishes framed with polished silverware. It’s an enclosed space, it’s knees brushing and eyes twinkling with candlelight, it’s electric shocks when skin meets skin. It’s romantic by design, and you refuse to share it with Hangman.
But you can’t refuse.
The waitstaff is limited and overworked, evidenced by the mountain of covered trays you see them rushing to different tables. It would be rude to storm out, and while you’re not worried about offending Jake, you don’t want to inconvenience the staff.
Jake sniffs out your internal conflict by only a glance at your stiff stance, a skill he’s acquired after years of working out the perfect way to get under your skin. He can read you like a book, and he knows fury and guilt are waging war in your head right now.
You’d like to think he thought fury would win, but it’s guilt in the end. You step towards your chair, reaching out with two fingers to pinch the candle on your side of the table. The flame snuffs out beneath your touch, and the mild burning sensation is worth it to hear Jake scoff.
“Nicely done, killer,” He drawls, sounding offensively unperturbed by your obvious dislike of him. To your complete and utter indignance he reaches behind your back to pull the chair out from it’s seat, offering it to you as a peace treaty.
You are not a peaceful person, not when it comes to Hangman.
You take the opposite seat, maintaining sharp eye contact with Jake as you sit down. He inhales, and you take satisfaction in the puff of his chest, a telltale sign that he’s beginning to get aggravated. He lowers himself into his own seat, but notices the way your hand darts for the one candle that’s still lit, and he snatches it out of your way before you can snuff it out. It causes the silverware on the table to rattle, and you and Jake are required to send placatingly charming smiles to the people at nearby tables who turned at the commotion.
He turns that once-dazzling grin on you like a weapon as he relights the blackened wick of the candle you’d pinched, letting it burn once more to illuminate his features.
You don’t waste a second in snuffing it out again, “The point was so that I didn’t have to see your ugly face.”
“You are the most charming dinner guest I’ve ever had the pleasure of dining with,” Jake croons, unflappable as ever, “Put your napkin on your lap, Y/N, it’ll keep your dress dry when you’re drooling over me.”
You take ash-stained fingers and leave streaky, dark prints on the white cloth napkin, draping it over your lap and folding your hands neatly over it.
“Careful, Hangman,” You warn, your voice low and your face deceptively cheery as you nod kindly at a passing waiter, “They gave me two different knives to stab you with.”
“God, why are you so pissy?” He asks, and for a moment, you don’t know the answer. It catches you off guard, and that’s never supposed to happen, not around Hangman. He speaks again before you have the chance to respond- typical.
“So, we ended up on the same sex boat. Whatever, Y/L/N, shit happens.” His jaw is tense, fraught with annoyance while his eyes blaze like the jet engines he’s so used to gunning, “I’m just teasing, y’know. You know me, I’m not a monster, I’m not going to force you to have sex with me. If you don’t want to, then we won’t, and that’s that. You don’t have to keep snapping at me, I won’t bite you.”
It’s possibly the most heartfelt, sincere thing that Hangman has ever said to you, albeit in exasperation, and you’re not sure you’re comfortable with that. Your rapport with the man has always been full of quips and jabs, nothing like what he’s just unleashed. You’d known he must have had a soft side, but you thought perhaps he’d left it back in Texas, because this is something new. You see a waiter approaching from behind Jake and smile politely at them, clueing your dinner date in to their appearance.
“Unless you want me to,” Jake adds with an insufferable wink, using the last few seconds that you’re able to speak freely to tease you. 
“Welcome,” The waiter smiles, once more with that impeccably tuned customer service politeness as he hands a wine list to Jake, “What can I get started for you this evening?”
As much as you hate to admit it, Jake’s teasing quip is familiar, a well-worn blanket you find comfort shrouding yourself in, and it breaks the awkward tension that had arisen when Hangman had spoken so sincerely towards you.
You don’t dare let a smile grace your features, but one tries; instead you settle for a kick to his shin beneath the elegant white tablecloth.
“We’ll have- mm! The- uh, the…” Jake trails off, eyes roving down the selection and realizing too late that he’s more attuned to cheap liquor in a beachside bar than he is to elegant pairings of food and wine. He recovers quickly, that special brand of Seresin charm, grinning across the table at you, “Actually, we’d like it if you surprised us. Money’s no object,” He throws in a grotesquely over-the-top wink, “Just make it special for my roommate here.”
Your teeth ache as you grind them together in a smile, and you swear you can feel your right eye begging to twitch, “How considerate of you, Jake.”
“Anything for you, dear,” He replies easily, accepting two dinner menus from the waiter and thanking him. You maintain the common courtesy of waiting until the poor man is out of earshot before tearing into Jake, and he’s lucky he’s got both of the menus still in his hands, or you’d smack him upside the head with one.
“I’m not paying out of my ass to get drunk at a candlelight dinner with you.” You hiss, courteous of the other patrons, but barely able to contain yourself.
“No, you’re not.” He agrees, blinking like he’s not sure why you’re close to shouting, “I am.”
“That’s- ooh!” You fume, eyes clamped shut and jaw so tight it hurts. You take a second to breathe, “Hangman, you know damn well I don’t like owing you money.”
You have a very strict no-loans policy, though it only applies to yourself. You have no problem spotting Natasha for a few drinks, or treating Javy to animal fries at In-N-Out, but you’d rather die than let someone use their dollar for your snack at a vending machine. Feeling like you owe something makes your skin crawl, and it’s something your friends have all had to accept. All, of course, except for Hangman, who seems to delight in making your skin crawl.
“You don’t owe me money,” He laughs, taking a sip of the glass of ice water that had been waiting at his place on the table, “And you don’t owe me anything else either, darlin’. I’m paying for the wine.”
“Then I’m not drinking it,” You decide, still caught in your blustering fury, “I’m too tired to deal with your bullshit - you can mill around the ship and beg some poor woman to drink with you, and I’ll go back to our cabin and sleep.”
You wish that the man across from you wasn’t so adept at setting your nerves on fire. You chalk it up to years and years of flying together, at each other’s throats despite being on the same team, but Jake really is able to infuriate you with something as simple as a grin. The way that hollow manipulation glazes over his eyes each time he doles out a charming smile makes your chest burn, and you wish you could get a handle on your frustration. It’s embarrassing, really, that he knows how to pick you apart and induce insanity; you wish you improved at resisting him through practice, but that’s not how it works. It only gets worse, worse and worse and worse until you’re sitting across from him at a candlelit table, yearning to whack him over the head with a black-foldered menu.
“Fine,” Jake snorts, setting the glass down in the wet indent it had made on the tablecloth before, condensation beading at its base, “You don’t have to have any. But you have to take me back to our room - if I get wine drunk, you’ll have to stop me from kissing everyone.”
The startling admission does exactly what Jake intended it to, and you’re caught off guard, the rapidly ticking bomb of frustration inside your chest temporarily disarmed. 
“You’re a drunk kisser?”
“A winedrunk kisser, yes ma’am,” Jake nods, the ammunition he supplies you with a far cry from his typically competitive nature, “First and only time I’ve ever had wine was at my sister’s wedding a few years back.” He reminisces, still holding tight to both menus as candlelight flickers on his tanned face, “She wasn’t necessarily thrilled that I started kissin’ on the groom, but I looked good in the veil when the photographer came around.”
He’s good-natured about the snort you let out in response, and finally he offers the menu to you like an olive branch, “You gonna whack me with this thing?”
“How’d you know I wanted to?” You arch an eyebrow, taking the menu from him. Prices aren’t listed - the cost of your meals was included with the boarding pass, but extras like drinks are something you’ll need to pay a tab on later. Nevertheless, the food looks to be worth your money.
“You get this look in your eye when you’re feelin’ feisty,” Jake notes, taking a look at his own menu, “Your jaw gets all tight, and I start gettin’ the urge to cover my crotch.”
Today was not the first time you’ve ever whacked him in the balls; evidently he does learn, even if he chooses not to apply that knowledge.
You neglect to respond, no longer irritated enough to tell Jake that he’s deserved every hit he’s taken from you, but never vulnerable enough to apologize. Instead you bury yourself in the menu, appreciating the array of cuisine that you’re not often treated to on a naval base. 
Jake lets you remain silent until the waiter comes back with the wine that he’d ordered, and you nod in thanks with a poorly-concealed clenched jaw to the man when he pours you a glass.
“That looks wonderful, thank you,” Jake gushes, eyes slightly narrowed as he raises his glass to his nose, inhaling the aroma wafting from the wine that he swirls gently, “Smell that, darlin’, ain’t it good?”
You reach for your portion with tense fingers that nearly shatter the stem of the glass as they wrap around it. The scent of the wine is oh-so-tempting; surely Jake’s objective for getting you to smell it was to wear you down into tasting it.
You won’t give in.
“Smells fantastic,” You concede, and if the waiter’s realized he’s in the lion’s den, pinned between two aggressors ready to rip into each other’s throats once more, he doesn’t show it. He merely bows, stepping away again and leaving the bottle on your table.
“That’s good,” Jake muses nonchalantly after a sip, glancing down at the menu in his lap as if you’ll believe he’s perusing it instead of plotting a way to make you explode at the table. 
“Well I’m glad you like it, because you’ve got a whole bottle to finish,” You snipe, “I’m not a toddler, Jake, you can’t trick me into eating my broccoli by pretending it’s the best thing you’ve ever tasted.”
“Who said anything about tricking you?” He leans back in his chair, wine set back on the table, “Y/N, I can enjoy a nice glass of wine without it being about you, thank you very much. Believe it or not, the world doesn’t revolve around you, and you’re not the only thing I think about.”
You’re more than used to Jake’s accusations of your egocentrism, not because it’s true, but because it’s what he defaults to whenever he can’t think of a response, but is too stubborn to let the issue go. They don’t worry you anymore like they used to, but they do irritate you, and you’re glad for the deep, smooth voice that calls your name from your left to distract you from Jake’s insults.
You know it before you turn; Daniel is there with his roommate. She’s gorgeous, her dark hair intricately braided and styled, a compliment to her skin that’s only a shade lighter, and you’re only slightly jealous of the way his arm is draped around her middle. You quell it by reminding yourself that you’d frenched him in an elevator only hours after meeting him, and this is a cruise meant for casual sex.
Perhaps your voice is a notch too sincere when you greet him, “Daniel.”
You miss it, your attention fixed on the couple approaching your table, but a muscle jumps in Jake’s jaw as it tightens. 
“Well, I guess you’re all some people think about,” Jake drawls, his grin now wolfish and lethal, and while your voice was slightly too kind, his voice is slightly the opposite, scathing in a way, “So you’re- uh, Elevator Boy?”
Daniel’s slight smirk is bashful where he bites the inside of his cheek and nods, “I guess that’s accurate. I- uh, I hope you don’t mind.”
“He doesn’t,” You reply before Jake can conjure up any more misplaced snark, “We’re not hooking up.”
Daniel’s brows furrow for only a split second, a confused reaction he hadn’t been able to politely mask in time. His roommate glances back at Jake, and the knit of her brow is less fleeting; clearly she’s thinking you’re out of your mind for not fucking him.
“Random roommates don’t always work out, I guess,” Daniel smooths over the awkward silence that’s befallen your table, and you want to kiss him for it. Well, you want to kiss him regardless, but now you’re positively fiending for a repeat of earlier.
“He’s my coworker,” You explain, “We really can’t.”
“Oh!” He laughs, and his roommate seems equally amused by your poor fortune, “That’s crazy, and- there’s no changing roommates, is there?”
“She’s stuck with me,” Jake continues aiming that deadly grin towards Daniel, and you’re surprised he hasn’t caught on fire yet. 
“Well, if you ever want to switch for a night,” Daniel squeezes his roommate’s side, his fingers ghosting over her exposed skin in the cutout dress she’s sporting, “I’m not an idiot; Danica’s ogling you.”
You marvel at the friendly banter they share after only a few hours of knowing each other, but Daniel seems fantastic to get along with. Danica laughs at his teasing and manages to look barely bashful when she nods at you, “I wasn’t gonna say anything when I thought you two were enjoying yourselves, but I’d be happy to step in if you wanna get lucky for a night.” 
“That sounds great,” You jump at the offer, but Jake speaks at the same time, voice a hair louder than your own.
“We’re not interested.” He dismisses Danica’s offer but he looks at Daniel to do it, something dangerous gleaming in his eyes that you’re only used to seeing on the tarmac.
A laugh escapes your throat, horridly disguised as something casual and not your breaking point, “Oh, we aren’t interested? I am.”
Jake blinks, shifting his sharp gaze towards you, “No switching rooms, Y/N.”
“That’s for official placements,” You sit up straighter in your chair, turned fully towards Jake now instead of angled towards Daniel, “But they’re not gonna come check on us at two in the morning to make sure we’re all in our bunks. We can swap for a night.”
“I don’t know why you’re fighting so hard for a night in his bed, the elevator seemed to work just fine. Maybe Danica and I can have a few drinks tonight, and you can slip off and defile floors 1-4.”
“That’s not-” You’re hot on Jake’s trail, intent on defending Daniel and pointing out the hypocrisy in Jake’s scathing statements, but a firm hand falls on your shoulder that silences you. Daniel’s grip is firm, but not painful, more grounding as his touch practically sucks the fire out of your veins and replaces it with calm.
“I think drinks after dinner are a great idea.” Daniel speaks coolly, with all the perfect composure you wish you had around Jake, instead of the barrel of gunfire perpetually smoldering inside of you.
“Me too,” You add, and one of Jake’s eyebrows ticks up.
“Really? I thought you said you were going to bed after this. Something about being too tired to deal with-”
“Your bullshit, Hangman.”
What you engage in next would preferably be described as a battle of wills, but to the outside eye, might look like a staring contest. It’s your vicious glare against Jake’s lazy grin, eyes alight with mischief as he does what he does best - piss you off.
“We’ll plan on drinks, then,” Danica breaks the ice, and you’re grateful for the tones of her sweet voice, “There’s a bar on the ninth deck, do you want to meet there?”
“That sounds great,” You hope she takes your kind smile for what it is; gratitude, “We’ll head there when we’re finished with our food.”
“Right,” Daniel nods, squeezing your shoulder and letting go, taking Danica by the waist once more to lead her to the table their water had pointed at, “See you then.”
Whatever farewell you murmur is lost in the general hubbub of the restaurant, something that you wish would happen to the grating tone of Jake’s drawl.
“So,” He muses, playing coy, but you won’t have it, “You’re not tired anymore?”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with you,” You steel yourself, inhaling and letting your chest puff with the breath, “But whatever you’re doing here; trying to ruin this for me just for shits and giggles - it’s gotta stop. I’ll leave you alone, and you can fuck as many people as you want on this ship, okay? You can have what you came here for, a week-long hookup, and all I’m asking in return is for one chance. I just want one. fucking. chance. to enjoy myself. Okay?”
His eyes cloud over throughout the duration of your speech, and it’s a look you’ve never seen on him before. It’s unsettling, like something’s dimming his spirit, though you can’t tell what. You’ve quipped back at him before, practically every time he’s ever teased you. But perhaps he’s just as unsettled with your newfound sincerity as you were with his, because his face settles into a hesitant expression. You press on.
“You told me earlier that you’re just teasing me, and that you’re not a monster. If that’s true, then leave me alone.”
He looks wounded only by a slight twitch of his eye; perhaps the prospect of being around you and not lunging teeth-bared at your throat is too much to bear. But he nods, slow and rickety like the joints in his neck protest the movement, “Fine. If that’s what you want, I’ll leave you alone.”
“Thank you.” You respond stiffly, glad for the menu in your lap as it provides an easy out for you; you’re not sure if you can stand looking him in the eyes. You’re afraid you’ll see disappointment there, perhaps real dislike, and you don’t want to find out that the only reason he speaks to you is to mess around with you. You’re content in feeling like you’re friends as well, and if he gives himself away now that you’ve asked him to ease up on the teasing, you’re not sure you’ll enjoy yourself at all on this vacation, no matter how much cheap, distracting sex you have. The truth of the matter is that you value the blossom of his friendship no matter how thorny it can be, and you’re not sure if he’s capable of playing nice without an occasional bite. 
You’re sure things will go back to normal on the weathered tarmac, but until then, bobbing along on ocean waves, you want Jake Seresin to be your friend, not your frenemy. If he’s incapable, you want no part of him.
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feedback is greatly appreciated! comment, reblog, talk in the tags, send me a message, tell me what you think!
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dfortrafalgar · 7 months ago
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Special Delivery
(Sanji x Fem!Reader- Offscreen)
Sanji reaches out to Zeff for the first time in years.
I wrote this many, many months ago now, and it was the first fic i posted anonymously on AO3. I got a few requests after it was originally posted to write a second part, which I eventually did!
You can read Part 2 here! Original AO3 link
(I figured I should let my blog breathe a little in between the really heavy and emotional Law fic im writing, and what better way to cool down than some sanji fluff <3)
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A sharp squawk awoke Red-Leg Zeff from his daze. With a grumpy expression and a low grunt, he peered towards the direction of the sound.
A messenger coo was seated on the railing of the Baratie's upper deck next to where Zeff stood slouched over with his forearms leaning against the wooden support. It cocked its head to the side as if it was deconstructing Zeff's appearance before reaching into its pouch and procuring a parchment envelope. Zeff found it strange. Messenger coos only usually delivered the newspapers or the latest bounty reports, very rarely were they put in charge of personalized letters. It must have been paid off by whoever wanted this delivered.
The gruff man took the parchment from the beak of the bird and watched as it took back off into the air, leaving a few molted white feathers behind in its wake. He looked at the envelope.
All it said on the front, in very elegant handwriting, was "Captain Zeff." He flipped the paper around, revealing a wax stamp holding the opening down, which he peeled off with a calloused thumb.
Tucked neatly inside the envelope was a white piece of paper, tri-folded over itself. Zeff slipped the paper out, unfolding it to reveal the written contents of the letter. The penmanship was impeccable, and the ink was very sleek. He knew immediately it was from Sanji, not many other pirates had handwriting as good as his. He had completely lost track of how many years it had been since the curly-browed boy left with that ragtag group of pirates to sail to the Grand Line, but Zeff had every single one of his bounty posters. He'd never admit it, but they were tacked up on the wall of his sleeping quarters. Every time Sanji's bounty increased, Zeff felt pride swell in his heart.
"How are you doing, you old geezer. It's been a little too long since we've had any contact, so I thought I'd write to you just to see how you've been. You're no slouch, I'm sure you've been keeping up with the world's events over the past however-many years. Do the Marines even bother to keep sending our bounty posters to the Baratie anymore? Well, regardless, I'm sure you can read right through me. I can't deny it, I miss you, old man. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life, and such a huge part of that is thanks to you and the guys back on that old cruiser. Every recipe I try to make, I imagine you screaming in my ear and telling me that it tastes like shit. Some days I really wish I could be back there, but most of the time I'm joyful. Life has been really, really good. A few years ago, I met someone. Last year, we got married, and soon after our lives changed so drastically. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, and she's as sweet as an angel. I mean it, too. I know you'd probably think something along the lines of me playing up my affections again just because she's a pretty woman, but I mean it. You'd love her, Zeff. Living as a pirate is the most stressful thing anyone could ever do, but she makes every day worth it. The crew was discussing the possibility of returning to the East Blue a bit ago, and when we do, I'm going to introduce you to her. I've spent the last years talking all about you, how you taught me everything I know about cooking, and I can tell she's just as excited as I am to finally see you. This letter's gone on long enough and I don't want to use up all of Nami's paper.
-- Sanji"
Zeff felt a lump in the back of his throat. Sanji had grown into such a fine young man, eloquent with his words and his feelings. He knew how big of a deal it was for the boy to be so honest and open. But one thing in the letter caught him off guard. What did he mean by, "Soon after our lives changed drastically."?
Zeff peered into the envelope, where another, smaller envelope was tucked inside. He almost didn't see it. Pulling it out, he held the letter and original envelope in between his fingers while he opened the second. Sanji was thorough with his packaging, that's for sure.
Inside, there were three photographs printed on thin, matted paper. The first was of Sanji and you, the wife he wrote about in his letter, taken by someone else holding the camera. Sanji had his arm around you, holding you against him, and you had your face nuzzled into his neck. His other hand held a cigarette away from the two of you, like he was in the middle of telling a story. The two of you were smiling brighter than the sun, Sanji's eyes completely closed with the motion of laughter, and yours creased, your irises looking up towards him.
The second photo made Zeff's eyes water. A photo of you and Sanji on the deck of the Sunny, exchanging rings. Sanji was wearing a sleek navy blue tuxedo, while you were wearing a gorgeous white ballgown. For pirates, you cleaned up phenomenally. He could just make out tears in Sanji's eyes as the photo displayed you sliding a band onto his finger. A skeleton with poofy hair stood between the two of you, which Zeff found a little odd, but he chuckled at the absurdity of it all.
Zeff flipped to the last photo.
The tears that were welling in his eyes from the previous image finally slid down his cheeks in heavy, salty droplets. His lip quivered.
Sanji sat in a chair, beaming down at a bundle of cloth held gently in his arm. He was crying in this photo as well, and was reaching a finger over the top of the bundle, where a smaller hand was reaching outwards to grab onto it. A small glimpse of blonde hair could be made out from under the cloth securing the baby tightly. On the back of the film, Sanji wrote the birth date and the name of the baby.
Zeff used a sleeve to wipe his blubbering eyes. His lips quivered, but he couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face.
Was he allowed to call himself a grandfather now? He figured it was only appropriate.
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novantinuum · 4 months ago
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[Updated 10/22/24]
I've written a kinda ridiculous amount of content for this fandom at this point, so this post is intended as a fun way to organize all that content on this blog. I'll update this post periodically as I share more works.
Most of my works are gen fic- with a heavy focus on character study and "bridging the gaps" of canon with lil bonus scenes of what I feel certain characters might've been up to in between episodes. However, I do on occasion enjoy exploring the Connverse relationship dynamic... and actual ratings for my stories vary.
Ratings and pairings will be listed on this masterpost, as well as any particularly vital content warnings. For more thorough content warnings, please reference the tags on the linked AO3 listings.
~~~
Multichapter AUs:
Crack The Paragon Series
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Series Summary:
In the wake of an ill-fated discovery, Steven vies to pick up all the pieces. The Gems are in turmoil: Pearl can’t speak the truth, Garnet chose to separate, and Amethyst's confidence has hit rock bottom. Somehow, his mom is Pink Diamond. But what exactly does that mean for him? Why did his mom really choose to fake-shatter herself and obscure her identity? With the very foundation of his home life shifting around him, can Steven ever hope to find answers on his own? Or will his growing obsession with seeking this truth ultimately crack his world all over again? Canon divergent as of season 3 episode 20, Bismuth.
Stories:
Crack the Paragon- 70,705 words, 14/41 chapters. Rated T. Light Steven/Connie.
In another world, he doesn't have his mother's sword or shield to hide behind when Bismuth lands her strike. The bubble pops. Steven falls apart.
Content warning: Major character injury.
Everything Is Different Now- 1,014 words. Rated G.
After her unfortunate exile, Bismuth returns to her forge to work, and to reflect on her mistakes.
Seeing Pink- 2,475 words. Rated G.
Following a video call with Connie, Steven reacts to the discovery that... his eyes aren’t always human anymore.
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Misalignment- 16,680 words, 20/? chapters. Rated T.
His family’s not present the third time he runs away... They never see the creature he becomes. Early corruption AU.
Content warning: Minor body horror.
Hollowed Moon- 8,046 words, 14/? chapters. Rated T.
Stevonnie doesn't crash the Star Skipper onto that jungle moon. Instead, they crash on a craggy fragment of rock suspended thousands of miles away from its associated colony, long forgotten. On that lonely hunk of rock is a domed garden. And standing in that garden, just as lifeless seeming as the rest of it, is a pink Gem.
~~~
Other AU/Non-Canon Works:
For the purpose of organization, this section contains two fics that have since had elements of it debunked by Steven Universe: Future. However, said fics were written to be "canon compliant" at the time of posting... thus, on AO3, they still are listed within my "canon compliant" series.
Shattering Atlas- 4,274 words. Rated T.
A boy can only carry an entire galaxy upon his back for so long before the weight of it all finally becomes too much. (Written about the Corrupted Steven Theory, long before SUF's airing.)
Content warning: Depression, body horror.
The Price of Freedom- 791 words. Rated T.
Even while sightless, even when she only exists as thin fingers of light rapidly spreading outwards from her gem, Rose can sense that something is deeply, dreadfully wrong. Written for Whumptober 2020, Day 1: Waking up restrained.
Bi the Way...- 2,886 words. Rated T. Steven/Connie.
Connie has a question, and also something to say.
(Originally written to be canon compliant after the movie, debunked by Steven and Connie not officially getting together until the end of Steven Universe: Future.)
Errands- 3,034 words. Rated T.
Steven has an endless stream of items on his to-do list, so many that he often forgets to properly take care of himself in between. Sneaking off into the woods on the daily to vent out his repressed emotions is merely one of them.
(Originally written to fit between Snow Day and Little Graduation, but the back half of Steven Universe: Future strongly suggested that Steven did not visit Jasper in between the events of Little Homeschool and Fragments, thus I consider it debunked.)
~~~
Canon Compliant Works:
This part of the list contains almost everything within my "Brandishing the Star: A Crystal Gem's Guide to the Universe" fic series on AO3. Fics are listed chronologically.
Tipping Point- 1,104 words. Rated G.
Garnet helps remind Rose of what she's fighting for.
New Star- 1,321 words. Rated G.
Organic life is a fragile, fickle thing. This much is true. What's also true is how the death and resurrection of a humble lion was enough to make Rose Quartz re-conceptualize everything.
On the Origin of Hybrids- 1,684 words. Rated G.
The question— incomplete, and yet bursting with long-held curiosity— emerges from thin air while he’s about to tuck Steven into bed in the back of the van one night. In retrospect, no parenting book could’ve ever prepared him for this one.
His Shield- 334 words. Rated G.
Greg attempts to comfort his son during a thunderstorm.
Donut Debrief- 1,578 words. Rated G.
And like a burst of sunshine emerging from between the murky grey clouds, the young boy swings the door open wide, face alight with a level of enthusiasm that before, she didn’t even think was humanly possible on an overcast Monday morning. Two days after their disastrous island adventure, Sadie and Steven talk about regrets, making amends, and discover something they have in common with each other.
Autumn Bliss- 546 words. Rated G. Light Steven/Connie.
Is there any better way to spend a crisp autumn day than playing around in piles of leaves? Written for Connvember, day 1.
Alienation- 1,151 words. Rated G.
“But... I’m human,” he whispers to himself, the words tasting more like a desperate plea for belief on his tongue. “Or at least, part human. Right?” - An awkward interaction with his dad and Connie leads Steven to realize that he's now too Gem to all the humans in his life.
Ramen Soup For the Soul- 263 words. Rated G.
Steven and Connie noisily slurp some soup at the dinner table.
Creative Outlet- 837 words. Rated G.
“Log date, 7 14 9. “Today, the hybrid creature Steven attempted to further secure my loyalty by introducing me to a concept he calls... ‘music.’
Taste of Ordinary- 12,756 words. 2/3 chapters. Rated G. Light Steven/Connie.
"Connie, can we talk?" When a much needed moonlight conversation with his best friend turns into an attempted (and failed) "spring break" from all his responsibilities as a half-Gem, Steven must finally come to terms with the full truth of his heritage and all six thousand years of its consequences. Takes place between The Question and Made of Honor.
Outer Strife- 4,282 words. Rated T.
Connie clenches her fists at her sides, envisioning a world where she still feels the safe, comforting weight of Rose’s sword strapped upon her back. But instead, it’s the Crystal Gems’ darkest, most forlorn hour... and she’s absolutely useless to them. Is there anything she can do to aid them in this struggle, anything at all? (Or: the beach fight in Reunited, but from Connie's POV.)
Content warning: Panic attacks
Ballroom Etiquette- 2,809 words. Rated G.
As much as it pains him to admit it amidst all the boring protocol, Pearl is absolutely right. There’s no room for imperfection at a Homeworld Ball. In which Steven is publicly introduced to the Gems of Homeworld as Pink Diamond, and he experiences the first true stage fright of his life.
Finally Free- 1,653 words. Rated G.
Lapis genuinely doesn’t know how many hours (Days? Months? Years?) have passed when light finally graces her eyes once again.
Vulnerable- 730 words. Rated G.
Three words. Three little words, and the intergalactic conflict he‘d been training his whole childhood to defend against was over. But the hurt... he's not sure the hurt will ever go away.
Fifteen- 1,607 words. Rated G.
Every year, on the fifteenth day of the eighth month, Pearl runs away.
Cycles- 1,216 words. Rated G.
Amidst their danger-fraught mission to retrieve Pyrope and Demantoid's prisms, Pearl and Steven take a much needed break.
Freedom to Dance- 382 words. Rated G.
Stevonnie celebrates the first anniversary of Era 3 with their friends and reflects on how Homeworld has already changed.
Stardust- 618 words. Rated G.
White Diamond is testing out new terms of endearment. But no matter White’s intention with this little nickname, Steven doesn’t want it.
Contact- 16,002 words. 4/4 chapters. Rated T.
The first (and with any luck, only) time it happens, he’s almost 16.
Content warning: Major character injury.
Disconnected- 993 words. Rated T.
“What’s going on—?” he croaks to absolutely no one (weakened, vulnerable, alone, pathetic—), a jolt of fresh panic surging through his entire system. He’s never seen a gem flicker before. He has no idea what this means.
The Shatter Wish- 1,045 words. Rated T.
You’re 16 years and 2 months old (give or take a few days) when you finally realize you want to die. - (Steven's POV, second person)
Content warning: Depression, suicidal ideation.
Second Skin- 9,272 words. 12/12 chapters. Rated T.
Steven can’t help but dread the undefined cocktail of emotions that trigger this newest power... 12 shorts, each delving into Steven’s developing opinions and feelings about his “pink mode” in SUF.
Content warning: Light self harm, panic attacks
The Brother on the Other Side- 2,978 words. Rated T.
Lars has no idea what he was expecting the moment Steven texted him in the middle of the night to ask if he could come over, but being immediately tackled in an intense vice-grip of a hug the second he opened the door probably wasn’t it.
White Noise- 1,766 words. Rated T.
In which Steven opens up to Peridot a little about his anxieties surrounding his recent “pink episodes.” Peridot thinks she can help him determine the root cause of this problem, but Steven— marooned amidst age-old insecurities and his fears of hurting those he loves— still isn’t convinced he wants anyone’s help.
Content warning: Panic attacks
Like Clockwork- 509 words. Rated T.
Connie's got mountains of studying to do. (It's not just an excuse to avoid reminders of old traumas, of course it's not! Everything's fine.)
Fight the Future- 3,604 words. Rated T.
She’s poofed, he repeats to himself like a dying man’s mantra. She’s poofed. She’s stuck in the rubble, but she’s only poofed. She’s fine, and I’m fine, a-and— Above the scars of Steven's wreckage, thunder claps like mighty titans colliding in the heavens. (Or: what happens in the moments after Steven and Jasper's rematch.)
Oceans- 5,358 words. 6/6 chapters. Rated T.
Her fingers clutch onto the folds of his blanket with a protective fervor, but they’re still trembling. Stars, they’re trembling. Wordlessly, he understands. His are too. - A series of shorts detailing what might've happened in the moments after I Am My Monster, told from six different points of view.
Memoir of the Marks Unseen- 6,786 words. Rated T. Light Steven/Connie.
Steven’s messy self-corruption has scarred him in a manner that transcends the mere physical. Battling through suffocating waves of self-loathing and relapse, the path towards healing and acceptance is set to be his most challenging venture yet… but in a unexpected twist of fate, he eventually comes to find a cathartic solace in the tangible marks left behind.
Content warning: Depression, light body horror.
Intake- 6,427 words. 2/2 chapters. Rated T.
Steven fills out an important form.
Content warning: Depression, suicidal ideation.
Fear of Falling Apart- 1,961 words. Rated T.
Maybe it’s a bit selfish to wish for conflict in a time of relative peace, but right now Connie would give anything to face an opponent she could physically fight. A battle she could win. Because the fact of the matter is, no matter how stubbornly she might try, there’s no way she can fight off Steven’s inner demons for him. - In which Connie receives a panicked midnight phone call, and rushes to Beach City with Lion to try and help.
Content warning: Light body horror.
Ticklish- 2,675 words. Rated T. Steven/Connie.
In which Connie’s subconscious, innocent touch helps Steven realize just how nice the sensation of gentle fingertips gliding across the surface of one’s gem can be.
No Escape From the Weather- 5,756 words. Rated T.
Amidst an unusually stormy late summer’s day, Steven finally amasses the courage to confide in his dad about one of his greatest traumas.
Content warning: Panic attacks
Just a Little Something- 1,486 words. Rated T. Steven/Connie.
Steven surprises Connie with a handmade gift. Written for Glow Week 2024, for the prompt "Casual or Surprise."
(Our) Shadows Before the Dawn- 957 words. Rated T. Steven/Connie.
It's their nights that are the most difficult.
Content warning: Panic attacks
Advocate- 5,472 words. Rated T.
There’s more to this story, Lars can feel it brimming in his very bones. He can feel it squirming around in the tangled coils of his guts, a primal, virulent rot that threatens to consume him from the inside out. Something is off with Steven, something is distinctly wrong. And oh, does he hate being right. - When an unexpected visitor tumbles through the magic portal in his hair long after hours, breathless and bright pink, Lars must amass the courage to weather one of the most difficult conversations of his life.
Content warning: Depression, mentioned suicide attempt, panic attacks.
Tides of Renewal- 2,559 words. Rated T.
Now twenty years old and living on the other side of the country, Steven spends his morning relaxing on the beach, musing about his past, and having a chat with his dad.
Nightlight- 1,364 words. Rated T. Steven/Connie.
“So, wait— what you’re saying is that you want me… to glow for you—?” - In which a drowsy, throwaway comment inspires Steven to— fueled by Connie’s implicit trust and encouragement— test the very limits of his self-restraint.
~~~
OC Works:
This subsection is the home for any fics I post in my post-canon OC-centric series, "Echoes of Chalcedony." It follows the story of a young half-Gem named Jean Maverick and their journey towards learning about the Gem side of their heritage.
First Impressions- 11,026 words. 3/4 chapters. Rated T.
A young human-Gem hybrid- a soul yet unknown to the rest of the Crystal Gems- takes their first brave steps towards greeting their heritage firsthand.
~~~
NSFW Works:
Fics in this section will be posted on my NSFW AO3 alt, Astraliies. I personally consider some of them "canon" to my own extended fic universe, but they will not be sorted as official entries in my "Brandishing the Star" series due to rating.
It Takes Two- 2,865 words. Rated M. Steven/Connie.
It’s possible. The timing lines up. What Connie fears is one hundred percent possible. The problem is, a potential pregnancy this early into their relationship was absolutely not in their plans.
Content warning: Contains frank discussion of underage sex. Connie is 17.
knowing, loving, being- 15,098 words. 2/4 chapters. Rated E. Stevencest, Steven/Connie.
A uniquely charged encounter in Rose’s Room forces Steven to contend with matters of attraction and desire he never could have predicted for himself. To what extreme is he willing to journey in fulfilling these burgeoning fantasies? And in what ways will such an experience forever transform him? (One thing’s for sure, though… once Connie’s brought into the loop, the most intimate dynamics of their marriage will never be the same.)
Content warning: Selfcest, explicit sexual content
Love Handles- 7,178 words. Rated E. Steven/Connie.
In which a stray, innocuous comment from Connie pushes Steven to dedicate the bulk of his free time to ‘getting into shape.’ But when new stressors rise to challenge him, he begins to struggle to maintain this leaner, more muscular form for her. Not only that, but is this even the kind of body he desires for himself in the first place?
Content warning: Explicit sexual content, feeding kink
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russellsppttemplates · 11 months ago
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Promise (Lewis Hamilton)
The season has kept Lewis so busy he hasn't been paying attention to you in the way you needed
Note: english is not my first language. After a long time on hold (since april), I'm finally posting this one. The timeline is a bit bent to fit what I already had written for what was requested, so I hope you don't mind it too much! Hopefully the person who requested this is still around and reading this ✨️
Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!
my masterlist
Tw: mentions loss of friendships, curse words
Tag list: @myloverjk-blog
"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be able to make it. Lew already asked me to go see him race that weekend, I have booked the flights and managed to clear my work schedule too", you said to your friend after she practically ambushed you into have a coffee with her after work, "c'mon, I don't even feel like we've seen eachother recently. You're either at work or with Lewis. It's like you don't have time for me, or rather don't make it", she groaned and you frowned. You met up with her not even 10 days ago, and while you couldn't see her everyday, you managed to text her back with reasonable timing everytime she had any issues or needed some comfort, so hearing those words and accusations for what you recalled the third time over the last few weeks threw you off. Was it really something you deserved? You wondered, maybe you really weren't being the best of friends given everything happening in your life.
"It's been hard, my schedule has been all over the place. I've been quite tired and I honestly just want to relax at home when I get back from work, we've had a lot of clients, which has been good for the business, but there's also been a lot more effort in making everything work smoothly", you tried to offer her your point of view, knowing yourself that there were days you could barely answer your boyfriend back simple questions, both of happy and content to either just cuddle when he was home or have a quick videocall whenever he was away, letting you get your deserved rest.
.
"Do you have everything, darling?", Lewis said over the phone as you fastened the zip on your suitcase, "yes. Angela said that she could come and meet me with my passes. Apparently there was an issue with printing them, my name or something, I'm not sure, but she said they were good now", you recalled, looking back at your boyfriend on the screen while he smiled, "I can't wait to have you here with me", he admitted, making your heart soft, "it's been really difficult, the car and all, and I know having you here will be good".
The next day, like you had arranged, you met up with Angela at the entrance of the GP, greeting her with a smile before she noticed it, "was your flight that bad?", she wondered, "you look a bit off, dear", she explained herself better, "it was okay, just had trouble sleeping because of this crazy schedule", you tried your best to brush it off. You had looked at yourself in the mirror, and had noticed the eye bags, the veins around your eyes much stronger and, truly, you knew no one would believe you were okay, but you guessed trying wouldn't be hard, and despite feeling like Angela caught on, she decided to drop the subject, handing you your pass and grabbing your suitcase once you reached the hospitality so she could store it in a safe place.
"Hey, Y/N", George smiled, greeting you as you both walked down to the garage, "Lewis mentioned you'd be joining us today", he said, opening the door for you before following you by your side, "the flight was delayed a little, and there was traffic here, or at least my driver said it isn't usually that busy, so I got here to the sound of the engines already", you pouted, grabbing a headset for yourself from the wall.
"I'll be in there with Toto and Mick, we'll speak later, okay? Carmen is also travelling tomorrow night", George said as he walked up to sit with the rest of the team, sitting this session out as they had chosen to have Frederik drive this session on his place.
The free practice sessions did not go all that well, especially considering how you knew Lewis and the whole team would have wanted them to go, so when Lewis came out of the last session, the team allowed them a few hours so they could rest up a little and get re-energised before debriefing.
"Hey, gorgeous", Lewis said as he walked up to you, "I'm so happy you're here", he mumbled against the thin skin on your neck, taking in your scent and presence as your arms wrapped around his torso.
"Do you want to talk about it?", you asked, running your fingers on his back as the slight scratch from your nails soothed him as you walked to sit on the sofa, "I can't bring the car to the front, it's like I can't do it. We've worked so hard on it, the team has come up with so many improvements and yet it still isn't reaching the front, there's no comparison", he let it put, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, "and I can't do it either, it's my fault too, I just want to make us a competitive team again, having fights every weekend for the P1, and yet, here we are".
Kissing his knuckles, you looked up at him through your lashes, "it will all add up, my love", you caressed his skin, "there's no way your efforts won't be rewarded, you just have to keep going, keep fighting, keep rising", you smiled, seeing the corner of his lips move upwards, "one day at a time, all will be well, you just have to keep going, we just have to keep going with those we love most", you muttered, joining your foreheads so they could touch.
.
Silverstone always had a big buzz around it, so you always took the week off, "remember last year? Your friends also joined us for the party", Lewis recalled as you sat in the hospitality. Media duties had long been taken care of and Lewis wanted to hang out in the meal area in case anyone needed him before you retired to his room.
"Yeah, it was a good time", you mumbled, reliving the memories in your head. You had had dinner and partied until early hours of the night with some of your friends, who were that at the time.
The previous week, your friend had been very assertive when she called you to show her displeasure of your lack of effort to meet up with her, telling you how much you had changed and how it wasn't fair that you could only meet up once or twice a month, "it's not fair to us or to our friendship, so unless this changes, I don't see how we can carry on". The accusations were not false, you recognised that you couldn't be as present as much as before, but the premise she was holding it on seemed wrong to you. And as much as it bothered you and pained you, calling it quits was the best decision in the long run. You had enough things on your plate, and having to reassure her that you were still there for her despite all the mean comments and accusations she would throw at you, wether they were about how much time you spent working or how Lewis wasn't the right person for you, was not something you wanted to endure for your own well-being.
"How is she, by the way?", Lewis questioned as he drank his water.
"We are not friends anymore, things just didn't work out", you offered quietly, not wanting to dwell much on the topic or have your boyfriend worry about one more thing.
"Y/N!", Lewis heard Carmen call, seeing his teammate's girlfriend approach you, warmly greeting him as well before he left you two alone for some catching up, "call me if you need anything", your boyfriend said, kissing the top of your head sweetly before leaving you two to speak and moving to the table where Angela was sitting.
"Is she feeling better?", Angela asked him, nodding over to you with her eyes and smiling as you spoke to the spanish women, the genuine easiness radiating from you.
"Y/N? She's been well, I think...", he said, unsure of his own answer. You hadn't talked much about how you were feeling, and he definitely wanted to follow up on what you had just been talking about when you were comfortable, but other than that, he had no clue. Work had been busier as you received more clients and you needed a little more time to rest that usual, and you had been tagging out of plans family and friends tried to make with you. Maybe Angela was right and there was something going on.
"You should talk to her, see how everything is, Lewis. I know she has a habit of bottling everything, and while I figured she'd talk to you and bring it up, and that it would help, I'm not sure it's enough", she patted his back as she allowed him to process the situation.
Later that night, back in your hotel bedroom, you had just come out of the shower, grabbing your toiletries' bag so you could moisturise your skin, propping your leg on the bed so you could rub the product into the skin as you heard Lewis walk around the room.
As you moved to adjust your towell while you put on your underwear, you felt Lewis' hands on your shoulders before his lips pressed kisses to your clean skin, his touch so soft and tender that it melted you inside.
"Can we talk about something, darling?", he asked, moving to sit in front of you, taking his place on the bed as Roscoe joined him.
"Sure, love. Are you okay? Is something wrong?", you promptly offered, ready to be all ears to his worries as Roscoe found his perfect spot on the comforter.
"It's about you, actually", he said as you pulled your top on, leaving the towell on the bathroom before coming back to sit on the bed, "what about me?", you asked, unsure of the topic was.
"How have you been? And I don't want to hear 'I'm okay' or 'just tired from work', because that's most definitely not the truth", Lewis began, holding your hand in his, "I've been so blind to all of this, and I only noticed now just how much you're being affected, and I want to know what it is and how I can help you", he gulped, "I've been so caught up in my own things and I've missed this, I'm so sorry, Y/N", he looked into your eyes.
You knew you had been unable to hide it. And now, you couldn't escape it.
Taking a deep breath, you traced the tattoos on his hand, the seamless way the ink flowed mesmerising as you allowed yourself to become vulnerable to him, opening up about your friendships and how everything at work was both the thing that has been keeping you sane and afloat, but also buried in doubt.
"Fuck, I'm so sorry I didn't notice this", Lewis apoligised, "I've been so absorbed in getting the results we need for the team, and-", you interrupted him, knowing the wasn't the one to blame.
"Lew, I didn't want to burden you with this, it's my own doing, too", you admitted, wanting to stop the whole blame spiral going on between both of you.
"Still, I should've noticed", he tsked at himself, holding you in his arms as you cuddled into his chest, "you shouldn't have to go through that alone, no one should. I want you to tell me anything that bothers you. My career is not above us, it will never be", he said as he looked into your eyes, "and, for all that matters, the decision to end the friendship was for the better. And I know you know this, and it still hurts, and that's okay. Roscoe, buddy", he called, "come give mummy a big, big cuddle", he smiled as the dog attended to his request.
"I'm sorry, too", you said as you petted Roscoe, his snores showing you he was enjoying them, "just wanted to be a happy and cheerful partner, and support you", you reiterated.
"From now on, promise you'll tell me anything that bothers you?", he assured as you smiled, kissing his lips as a seal of your promise, "I promise".
"I love you, Y/N, and it's me, you and Roscoe against the world", Lewis said.
"Agains the world and the rest of the paddock?", you joked, "just about, yes".
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feralbeeast · 7 months ago
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I've been on here for WAY too long to not have a proper pinned post and my blog over the years has become the chaotic hell that is my brain so hi, read my bio!!
Pre 2024 handle was @ badasswitchbitch
Prev pinned was " My gender is not boy or girl my gender is Slut. "
Interactions and reblogs are always encouraged 🖤
Dms and asks always open !
18+ minors dni ⚠️
I'M NOT A WOMAN! I'M NONBINARY!
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Keep reading!!!
Intro / about me :
You can call me Bee, my bio gives a good basic description of my interests/blog but there's so much more feel free to ask !
I'm a shy flirt by nature so if we chat keep that in mind 🖤
Feel free to spam/dm/ask literally anything on here! I love attention and talking to people
𖹭 Pansexual Sub-leaning switch 𖹭
I'm 5'3, in my 20s and currently reside in the US [pls don't ask specific age/location]
I have a few tattoos and piercings but crave more, my style can only be described as an alternative mess
Always looking for more homies to sesh and hang with
As stated in my bio I am poly! I'm currently in an open relationship with 1 partner. I'm not actively looking for another but I'm also not opposed to it :)
If you want to see what I look like check the featured search tags, i post selfies and lewds
I try to tag all my personal posts and reblogs that I add to / relate a lot to with #feralbeeast ramble !
You can tip me and buy personal spicy content on cashapp $acutewitchb ✨️
You can also add me on snap but pls dm on here first before expecting an add back @beecatcult
I unfortunately have many mental illnesses and disorders, as well as physical disorders and chronic pain so you'll probably see some stuff about it
Kinks ;
𖹭 includes but not limited to ; exhibition, praise, pet play, weed intox, cnc, somno, bdsm, marking, shibari/bondage, monster fucker, degradation, knife play, breath play, corruption, pred/prey, obsession, masochism, sadism, inspection/attention, blood, objectification ect. I'm open to trying anything at least once 𖹭
What to expect :
This blog is run by an extremely mentally ill, didabled, autistic, hypersexual queer with very diverse tastes. The main themes and aesthetics I like to reblog are horror, gore, blood, goth, grunge, fantasy, nature, animals, stoner, nerdy, anime/video games, dark humor, sex ect. [There's plenty more but I'd be typing forever]
I'm a traumatized freak with dark kinks and will show that side sometimes! Be prepared for unhinged postings when I'm stoned (which is basically all the time)
Since this blog has been up for a long time it is filled with shit I don't even remember, I used to post a lot of depressing stuff and personal vents that I've been trying to move over to my side blog so if you get triggered by self harm or suicidal themes turn away now or properly block those tags.
if you want to see the darker and more personal vent stuff dm me for the side blog
Limits -
I use They/Them pronouns ONLY
I am Nonbinary. Not a woman. Not a man.
Do NOT call me a girl in any form.
I don't tolerate ANY kind of homophobia, transphobia, fatphobia, sexism, racism, terfs, ableism, nazis ect on my page, and you can fuck right off if you do🖕
If you can't respect me don't interact
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notmyprey · 3 months ago
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Hi! Uhm I’m new, I love your blog! But I’m just nervous I’ll be judged by others that I like this stuff
Hey I am so so sorry about how long it took me to get to this. I have been thinking this over quite a bit, since this is in fact a very serious thing. (I also have been really busy, which hasn't helped in the speed at which I answer asks)
Firstly, thank you! I am always so happy when people find my art/content as entertaining as I do!
Secondly, in regards to the judgment.
Unfortunately, no matter what you do, someone will judge you. But when you want something enough, when you care about something enough, you will find places and groups where that judgment lessens. I have found my place here, a place where, although no one knows my irl name, they know me by a name I answer to. Although no one knows my face, they do know a truer face of myself than many do in real life. People here know me and often know a more freeing part of me.
I think being here, on Tumbler, has been so freeing and overall rewarding. I know you may be scared of the judgment, but there are ways to lessen it. (I will give tips on how to do this later on)
Although our community has its faults, it is kind at heart and truely is trying to do what they think is best to keep others safe. Although many disagree with the methods, it always comes back to the fact that we want to have a safe place to express ourselves. This, our community, in reality, is a decently safe place.
That being said, I know the fear of harassment is very real. So if you guys want my tips on how to avoid harassment, here are some things I've found:
Dont post political views (outside of DNI lists) on your sfw vore blog. This often can lead to people who dont agree with your view on said matter to seek you out for hate. I have seen this time and time again, I whole heartedly recommend a dedicated blog to that stuff, or even creating a new/separate account for it.
Dont spam tags. This is basic, but often overlooked. Make sure you tag your posts right, or people may block you because you did post something triggering and they saw it.
Dont reblog Willy nilly. This can lead to mishaps, such as accidentally rebloging a post from an nsfw blog. Try to make sure you are rebloging from people you know are safe.
Dont threaten, even jokingly, anyone unless you make it 100% clear it is a joke. This goes for your friend, others, and even people who are mean to you. This is often overlooked, but can easily come to bite you in the ass when your words are used to make you look violent and sporadic.
If people criticize you, even unjustly, try to at least think about where those words may be coming from. I have someone call me a pedo in the past, and although I am very ace, I understand it was probably coming from a place of hurt. Whether it was their hurt or someone they knew, it was probably a subject that was important, and if they see any of the same trends as when they/another was hurt, they will point it out. Dont get angry and aggressive, no matter how much you want to. If you need to, step away.
If troll annons start invading your ask box, either turn off annon or stop answering. Answering annons like that too often only fuels the fire, trolls, not haters, but trolls specifically feed off of your reaction. There is nothing for you to often grasp onto in those moments since the face you are talking to is faceless. So, either scarcely answer trolls, or dont answer them at all.
Dont get involved in community discourse when possible. Unless your hand is forced or it is an unavoidable matter, it is best to stay out of discourse. If you still want to know what others thing/help in a muxg safer way, often, I will message others I trust about their views on the matter (or if they are involved asking if they are doing ok), but rarely anything beyond that. Its difficult, seeing people you know be in the rough situations, but often stepping in when not necessary leads to more problems than it does help.
Please note that these are just some of the things I do that help me. Other people may have their own way of keeping harassment away from their blog, but this is mine.
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yawnderu · 9 months ago
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TW: Mentions of suicidal thoughts and mental health, depression.
Hi! I'm sorry I haven't been active here, I've been struggling for a few months now and everything was building up to a breaking point so these past 2 weeks have been just awful.
Thank you so much to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! I really really appreciate it, and I'm very thankful for every single person who has interacted with me and my blog. ^^
I don't know if I'll keep writing or if I'll use this blog/Tumblr much, quite honestly I got into writing when I was pretty motivated and had a serotonin surge after getting out of an abusive relationship and I was pretty much the happiest I've ever been despite struggling with my mental health since middle school.
Sadly, that didn't last long and it came crashing down harder than ever. Don't worry, I'm not going to kill or harm myself, I simply wanted to apologize for not being active, not replying to dms and comments much, and generally just being way less active than what I used to be.
Thank you to all of you, I made really awesome friends here and just know that if you ever interacted with my content, I see you, and I appreciate you more than you could ever think. This blog is what kept me going for a very long time, so thank you a lot for that as well!<3
Now this isn't a farewell, just an explanation. It's likely I'll come here to leave posts every once in a while once I'm doing a bit better, and I'm active daily on Discord in case any of my mutuals want to add me there.
I play MW3 quite a lot too, so if any of my followers would like to play, we can do that as well!<3
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princelylove · 4 months ago
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Dearest Prince,
Your La Squadra post is one of my favorites and it got me curious about some of the guys.
Ghiaccio is a name we barely see on your blog and I would love to know more about your interpretation of him. Whatever it is you got; from the regular facts to the complete degeneracy, I am interested in knowing.
Thank you for your time and interest, as well as your patience, I've been lacking in the "sending asks" department.
Heart heart xoxo
Oh, Ciocio. My favorite 4chan user. Sure.
Ghiaccio is one of those characters that, to me, are so established in my head that I feel as if I'm doing nothing by elaborating. It's very clear cut. Incel that actually goes to the gym and has a job, so he's automatically better than other forum users, yet he's not because he's always on there and is the first to make fun of 'the losers.'
Ghiaccio has a certain sense of superiority because he's not in that sort of Hazamada-ish porn addict incel category- yeah, he's a virgin in his middle-to-late twenties, and has basically no eye are el friends, but he's not a fucking degenerate. He's better. Yeah, he doesn't inherently see women as objects- it's just, uh, factual that they're only after... certain things.
Ghiaccio has a very complex relationship with women. They trigger his abandonment issues worse than any man could, even if all they're doing is acting indifferently. No matter what you do, you can't win. Play into it without trying? Tease. Don't play into it without trying? Prude. Bitch. Play into it on purpose? Whore. Don't play into it on purpose? You're playing hard to get. It's not like Ghiaccio actively thinks of women as lesser, or just less intelligent- obviously he doesn't think like that, intelligence has nothing to do with sex, jackass- it's just that those are the first words that pop into his head when he's angry and it seems like the one he has eyes for is leaving.
Always leaving. It's always something. He did something wrong again, and your stupid woman brain thought he'd just get it and would understand entirely when you didn't tell him what it was, and- He'll calm down eventually.
His relationship issues with women could stem from a lot of things. It could be his mother, the fact that he never had a long term relationship with a girl his age, the fact that he mainly consumes media (porn, or fetish content.) that objectifies them- any number of things could be it. His sexism actually isn't in the classic 'women are in their prime when they're younger' way, it's more of a 'women prefer older men because older men are real men' way. Which can get confusing at times, because he's the type to project heavily onto the women in his life, and he's not very good at explaining himself.
It's easier to ramble about a set topic with clear facts. It's objectively correct that Venesia- yeah, Venesia, say it in their fuckin' dialect you God damn [REDACTED. Reason for redaction: contains slur.]- is the actual name. Feelings aren't something you can fact check on a different tab.
It affects him more when a woman doesn't show interest in him. When a guy does it, it's like yeah, of course, fuckin' low value male would be jealous of him. Ghiaccio struggles with his self worth and meeting his own expectations. It's a lot of internalized loathing that presents itself as "Of course you're using me for dinner and want me to pay. You're trying to cuck me." Since Ghiaccio never really learned proper coping mechanisms, he usually just beats the shit out of whatever piece of furniture is closest to him. Goodbye, end table. It was nice knowing you.
Ghiaccio knows nothing of gentle love, but he knows he has to act right or his darling is going to freak out on him and give him a massive headache. He thinks he's above the guys that hit their bitch their partner, but he always manages to bruise them in some way, shape, or form. He has a bit of a problem with grabbing his darling too tightly and not easing up.
It's both a possessive thing and a complete accident. He just doesn't know what to do when you panic in front of him- holding you down works, usually? Yeah? Going for your throat should be fine, you can feel like you're secure in one spot, why the fuck are you hitting him now???? He's not going to seriously hit you, stop freaking out, holy shit. He's not a bad man that's planning on raping you or some shit, jesus christ, can you just calm down and think rationally?
When you actually calm down, likely after he gets pissed and fucks off for a while, he'll come back to check on you. He likes you. You should eat. He cut up some shit things for you. He just doesn't like when you're sobbing and assuming shit and acting hysterical.
He's really trying. He's really, really trying. It's hard to calm down and be the man his darling needs, but you keep saying such moronic shit- it's fine. It's fine. You're just a little stupid, he can work with that, if you start to listen to him.
Ghiaccio's good for hugs and that's about it. He won't let anything harm you. It's stupid to think that he'd just allow some other guy to touch you or speak to you enough to harm you. Come on, stop crying, he's right here, he can give you what you need to survive and be happy, he can be good to you if you don't piss him off intentionally. He can, and will. He's just frustrated right now.
The next day, when the bruises form. . . it's hard to hide how pleased he is. God, that's hot. Should give you more. What's a better way to get frustration out of his system?
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chwedout · 2 months ago
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chwedout has finally reached 1k followers! thank you to everyone who decided to press the follow button, from those who followed me way back in the spiderstingle days to those who only followed me recently, i really appreciate it! to celebrate this milestone, i've decided to do a few things.
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first of all, i've finally started a tracking tag — #chwedoutbox. you can find more about it in this post. i can't wait for you all to use it so i can see and share all the cool things you create.
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secondly, i've decided to open up my ask box to requests! all you need to do is choose one of the following prompts and send a request through my ask box.
seventeen member + music video (e.g. vernon in rock with you)
seventeen member + going seventeen episode (e.g. mingyu in svt's kitchen for two)
this or that (e.g. left & right era wonwoo or 24h era wonwoo/ long haired jeonghan or short haired jeonghan)
there's no limit to how many requests you can send, go wild if you want to. i just ask that you be patient with me as sometimes i do like to go outside to breathe in fresh air and touch some grass. sending requests on anon is okay too! however, i won't be able to tag you when i do eventually post your request.
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now i just want to say a massive thank you to all of my mutuals! being sappy lowkey makes me cringe but i couldn't have reached this milestone without any of you. to my og mutuals (i won't tag you dw) who were here way before i turned into a kpop blog, to my newest mutuals who i probably haven't spoken to, thank you! i hope you all know how much i appreciate you and that you all mean so much to me ♡
first of all my ride or dies- the hhu wives- sarah @vertiny, bec @storyoflight, and alex (idk if you deactivated </3) i literally would not be here without all of you. we've been through so much together and i just want to say that i love all of you so so much! let's all hope that we can one day go to that svt concert together.
j @vcrnons - my dolly in crime and my first ever caratual on tumblr! if i remember correctly, you followed me way back when i hadn't fully committed to being an svt blog yet. thank you so much for being so kind and supportive to me when i first started. i mean it when i say i don't think i'd be here if we didn't become mutuals since your work always inspired me to start creating myself.
ophelia @lee-sanghyeok - another one of my fave vernon stans! thank you for always being a joy to see on the dash! you're so incredibly sweet and i know i can always count on you to send me vernon content when i ask for it.
kashi @jeonsupershy - one of my fave wonwoo stans fr! seeing all of your wonwoo gifs always puts a smile on my face. every time he does something i just know that i'm going to be reblogging one of your stunning gifs later in the day. thank you for always being such an awesome presence on the dash. i'm so grateful to be mutuals with you!
max @scouped - you are so incredibly talented and i really hope you know that! i'm always in awe whenever i see one of your creations on my dash. you definitely inspire me to push the boundaries of my creativity when it comes to making content. i do miss your presence on tumblr but i'm always happy when i see you on the dash from time to time.
tiff @uservernon - my beloved dolly moot! thank you for always being so sweet. you always bring such a fun and bright presence to caratblr and i love seeing you on the dash or in my notifs especially when you're screaming about vernon. the url is still a powermove in my opinion!
maddie @jeonwon-wonwoo - you are genuinely one of the kindest and friendliest people i've met on tumblr. i've had so much fun talking to you about the most random things. i'll never forget our chats about the walking dead and teen wolf. i hope you're doing well!
yena @fairyhaos - my fave joshua stan! i hope you know that every time i see the couch shua pic i think of you lmao. i always love seeing you lose your mind over shua and you never fail to make me laugh with all the tags you leave on posts. thank you for bringing such a positive energy to caratblr! i'm so glad to have you as a mutual.
zaynab @galatariel - another one of my insanely talented mutuals! your gifs are always so gorgeous and always inspire me to go out of my comfort zone and create something new. i always enjoy seeing you make content for the things you love. thank you for being so kind and helpful.
nuri @jjunhui - again, another mutual who is extremely talented! everything you make is just stunning and your svt as text posts gifsets never fail to make me laugh. thank you for being so supportive and kind. i am so grateful to have you as a mutual.
nana @kyeomies - so glad to see that you're back! i've always enjoyed seeing your pretty gifs on my dash and can't wait to see more of your content. i hope you're doing well!
yo @redrcbin - literally one of my most beloved mutuals! i'm still not 100% sure when we became mutuals but i think it's pretty funny if it was because of the c-word game. i always love seeing you on the dash and in my notifs, especially when i see you losing your mind over wonwoo or mingyu. i'm so happy i get to call you a friend.
and to all the mutuals that i haven't talked to or interacted with that much - @jeongtokkie, @kimsmingyu, @wonboos, @leedonghun, and @soonhoonsol - thank you so much for being awesome! i really hope we do get to talk more in the future.
now i'm going to kick myself because tumblr won't let me tag anymore people and i'm pretty sure i've missed out on so many beloved mutuals of mine. i'm extremely sorry if i did, but please know that i appreciate every single one of you so much!
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solangelo · 10 months ago
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I was wondering, do you have any recomendations on some long fics? Like, not just one chapter? Sorry if you had already posted something abou that. Anyway, thanks!!! (Really like your blog <<3333)
Absolutely!! I pretty much only read on Ao3 anymore so all of my recommendations are going to be there, but if others want to tack on their own recommendations in the comments they're always welcome to do so :)
A few things,
I tried to put content warnings on the bodies of work as I see fit, but some of these I read over a year ago and haven't looked at since so I apologize if I've missed something!
Additionally speaking, I've marked anything in which contains characters having sex with a red heart emoji ❤️ as it should be viewable on light and dark mode, across multiple forms of devices (ios vs android, etc) and should be readable to screen readers as well; As per previous notes on this blogs, any explicit depictions of characters having sex will also have them being explicitly over 18. Now without further ado-
I'm a huge fan of rabbit_soup's "Healing Takes Two" series, it's 13 pieces in total some of them are oneshots and others are multichapter but they all fit together making it a large body of text. The plot extends from Nico's three days in the infirmary to the early stages of their relationship and still seems to be ongoing with the author taking on rewriting some of their older pieces.
arum scarce by GalwayGirlo [16/20] AU ❤️:
Nico wakes up paralyzed following a motorcycle accident. Maybe Will Solace can help him get some feeling back?
(cw: suicidal ideation, a suicide attempt, adult having a relationship with a minor, "mafia stuff")
When I Get Home to You by 2nd2ndalto [10/10] Canon Compliant, Time Travel ❤️:
Will’s brow furrows."N - Nico?"
It’s impossible, this boy can’t be Nico, but the name falls from his lips without real conscious thought. Nico is 38 years old and probably sitting at home in their living room, hopefully having figured out how to fix the clogged dishwasher line, which is what he’d been planning on doing when Will left early this morning.
(cw: conversations about suicidal ideation and related topics, and young nico is involved so canon compliant trauma of his comes up as well)
talk your talk and go viral (i just need this love spiral) by wrongcaitlyn [34/34] and a part 2 currently at [2/?] chapters, Celebrity AU ft. Trans Nico:
“Keep telling yourself that,” Will says quietly, because even though the door is closed, speaking any louder would seem wrong. “You’re too harsh on yourself. If you wrote songs or something, you’d easily get on the Billboard Hot 100. Dad would help you. I would, too.”
“Promote it to your seven followers?”
“Yes!”
Nico laughs, and then Will is joining him, and they’re closer than before, but it’s nothing unusual. It’s been this way since before stupid feelings and stupid crushes, and Nico would be damned if he let it change just because of that.
(cw: alcoholism, childhood abuse and neglect, character death, car accidents, transphobia/homophobia/generalized queerphobia, gender dysphoria, suicidal ideation and related topics)
peach tea by ghosttotheparty [5/5] AU ft. Latino Will:
Will brushes his thumb over the side of Nico’s hand gently. His skin is soft. Nico’s fingers tighten on Will’s. It kind of feels like neither of them wants to move. Will doesn’t mind.
He sits up after a moment, but Nico doesn’t let go of his fingers, so he lifts the arm that’s awkward between them and sets it behind Nico, leaning back to rest on it. Nico just looks at the tapestry.
or; Will falls in love with the new kid.
(cw: mental health struggles, ptsd, anxiety/panic attacks, depression, grief, and character death)
What Could've Been Lights by athaleablaire [18/18], AU - I can’t remember if they have sex in this, rating is teen and up and all characters are over 18 but enter at your own risk:
In Will's eyes, he really has it all. A job as a surgeon at an amazing hospital, great friends-- what more could he ask for? Everything is going great until a man walks into his emergency room half-dead. In the mission to save his life, Will gets a little more than he bargained for.
(cw: injury and recovery, accusations of substance use)
a shadow in the rising sun by demigodbeautiies [9/13], AU Royalty, Arranged Marriage:
This is a story about the Ghost King.
Will Solace (crown prince in the Seventh Kingdom, politically useless as it may be) does not particularly want to be married to a thing of nightmares. He doesn't really have a choice, though. When does he ever? He allows his father to push him led into this politically advantageous, beauracratically necessary arrangement without too many complaints, and resigns himself to the fact he will be marrying a tyrant out of the tall tales his mother used to tell him when he was a boy.
Except then he meets his husband - a boy, and one younger than he is at that! - and realises that he has absolutely no idea what to expect. All he can hope for is that no one tries to kill him.
(cw: character death, character injury?)
NICO Centric:
Lethe by Eridans [8/8] Canon Compliant with a part 2 at [16/16]:
He's ten and ninety simultaneously, his mother was murdered and his sister is a stranger. He's got a deck of cards that he holds onto like a lifeline and an Italian-English dictionary that's old as hell and crumbling, but it's not as old as he is, and that makes him laugh.
The River Lethe was supposed to take away their memories, but Nico remembers his past, his days at home, the times he spent with his sister and mother at parades Mussolini hosted, where Maria sang the national anthem. The river tried to take away everything Nico cherished, and it could have been pure desperation or grief that made him remember his past.
Nico didn't know.
(cw: I started reading this fic over 8 years ago and haven't read it since it's last update 3 years ago, expect canon compliant events and themes to occur but otherwise proceed at your own risk, exercising caution and compassion for yourself where necessary <3)
WILL Centric:
Solace by solisaureus [11/11], Canon Compliant:
solace (n.) comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness.
solis (n.) the Latin word for "sun."
(cw: author includes their own content warnings at the start of each chapter!)
sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes by whimsicalMedley [13/26] Canon Compliant ft. Trans Will Solace:
Contrary to his general disposition, William Andrew Solace was born in the middle of an October hurricane.
Or, Growing up is hard. It’s even harder when you’re the son of the sun god.
(cw: author includes their own content warnings at the start of each chapter!)
Hopefully this is a good place to get you started, nonnie!
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lorelune · 2 years ago
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good soup
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|| childe x reader || M || yandere tartaglia + force feeding || wc: 2.9k  || ao3 ||
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Tartaglia brings you a meal and you must choose if you'll yield.
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minors, antis, and ageless blogs dni
a/n: sometimes. sometimes you title a google doc ‘good soup’ and the rest comes after <3 💕 i don't think i've ever posted a fic quite this dark so tread carefully and enjoy!!
CW: dark content, yandere tartaglia, force feeding, force drinking, restraints, threats of suffocation, violence, kidnapping, references to non-con
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Tartaglia stares at you like he wants to eat you whole. Swallow you down, grinding bones with his molars and clawing you until you’re nothing but a bloody heap. It’s in his stare, the lack of light that reflects in his eyes. There are pools of something worse than human behind his irises, and around you, he has no reason to mask it.
He’s something awful, incarnate in flesh and all yours.
“Eat,” He urges, crouched down in front of you. He nods to a steaming bowl between you on the floor. A deep, wooden spoon rests on the edge. “I can practically hear your stomach growling.”
He gives you a smile that’s all teeth. You curb the urge to flinch forward and knock a few of them out. 
You are hungry. Famished and parched, you can see a flask of water tucked into Tartaglia’s waistband. The thought of a proper, hot meal and a full mouthful of water feels too indulgent, despite the reality that’s laid before you on the dirt.
You adjust, trying to prop yourself up higher against the wall you rest on. Your hands and forearms are bound in leather and chain, held against your lower back. It forces you to keep your spine straight, and rag-covered chest bared but doesn’t restrict your blood flow and you still have ample room to squirm. You hate him for it, Tartaglia’s uncanny ability to keep you on the edge of discomfort and pure suffering. You know he revels in it.
You swallow your dry tongue, refusing to look at him, and instead fix your gaze on the thick soup. You can see chunks of carrot and fowl, topped with Snezhnayan snow pepper. You know it's his mother’s recipe and will warm you up from the inside out.
It’s horribly tempting, and you jerk against your binds without thinking.
“Careful there,” You can hear the smirk in his voice. Tartaglia snatches up the bowl and stirs. “I’m sure you don’t want to get any more bruised up, do you?”
You bite your lip, holding back a quip that you’re sure will end any chance at a peaceful mealtime. He’s not wrong— there are abrasions and deep, dark wounds on your wrists. They’ve been there since Tartaglia first took you, though the chill tends to help with the ache of it.
You’re aware of your circumstances— not even the cold can chase that away.
You know there are two options in your situation. Go hungry, or ask Tartaglia for help eating. He relishes the opportunity, and you hate giving it to him, but it’s been far too long since you’ve last eaten. At least a day or two. Despite that, the idea of debasing yourself further, even in your bound (and kept, and stolen) state makes your skin crawl.
You can feel Tartaglia’s stare. He plays with the soup idly, humming under his breath. 
“You know how this works, sweetheart,” He finally says.”There’s an easy way or a hard way.”
“I’m aware,” You reply through clenched teeth. “I’d prefer if you’d, I don’t know, untie me and allow me to feed myself.”
He laughs and shakes his head, and you want to punch him. Knock him to the ground and bust his skull on the pavement. 
“Maybe one day! That’s a privilege you gotta earn,” He laughs, scooting even closer; your knees touch. “And you’ve done absolutely nothing to warrant any favors, my dear.”
You mean to curse at him, but you don’t get a chance to. Tartaglia’s gloved hand grabs your jaw, rough and hard, and holds you steady. You jerk against your binds, and strain your neck. Anything to get away from his touch. 
“Tartaglia—”
He cuts you off, swiftly and easily, “You had your chance. Now eat, and enjoy, I made this, especially for you.”
His thumb hooks on your lower teeth, and pulls. You know better than to bite him, or snarl, or do anything other than shoot him the most venomous glare you can muster. 
There had been a learning curve when Tartaglia had first stolen you away. You’d only known him as a charming patron of the tea house you had been employed at. He’d always leave a generous tip and good words with you. In retrospect, far too much flattery, but you’d always justified it. ‘He was like that with all of the servers,’ you had told yourself. His easy smiles and lingering chats were just unfamiliar Snezhnayan niceties and nothing more. 
You were so fucking stupid. 
You have too much time to think about it, really. You’re rotting in some tiny cabin in the bitter tundra and your only company is your captor. You’ve had an obscene amount of stew. Lamenting with your regret. Guilt, even. 
Maybe, if you listened to your coworkers when they said Child was getting too friendly.
Maybe, if you declined his advances more firmly—.
Maybe, if you never got into the habit of letting him walk you home.
Maybe, if you never went out for those drinks. 
Maybe, if you knew that the sedatives he slipped into your drink had the slightest, salty taste, you would’ve been able to do something—
Tears begin to bead at your water line, and your squeeze them shut and try to force yourself to relax as Tartaglia heaps the spoon with soup.
A moment later, he presses it past your lips, hard against your tongue and brushing the back of your throat. You gag for just a moment, before he lets you close your mouth around the spoon and swallow down the soup. 
It’s delicious. It’s warm and spiced. Creamy and thick with small chunks of meat and veg, you can tell it’s been simmered for some time. It heats you from the inside out and it’ll keep you full for hours. 
You lick your lips as Tartaglia pulls away. He beams you a smitten smile, scooting closer and stirring the steaming contents of the bowl.
“See? That’s not too hard.” His tone curls against you, raising the hairs on the back of your neck. It is hard to give in to him, it’s as uncomfortable as the binds on your arms do, but you find yourself crumbling. 
Cold and hunger will do things to anyone, you suppose.
He taps your chin with the spoon, and you open up with only brief hesitation. 
How many times have you shared this song and dance? How many meals have you had in this little cabin, cold and near-starving, fighting so hard, and breaking regardless? You feel haunted by the questions. 
You’re tired. Maybe. 
Tartaglia feeds you another mouthful, just as intrusive as the last. You only swallow once he’s pulled away, horribly aware of the tears beginning to spill over your waterline. Despite all of the times Tartaglia has fed you in such a way, your body refuses to become accustomed to his methods. The prodding at your throat always yields tears and a broken voice for a few hours. Sometimes, Tartaglia brings you ginger tea and honey to soothe it, but only if you’re good.
You hate smiling for him and pretending that what you’re going through is anything other than torture. But to act like what you’re experiencing is torture, you only suffer more. Tartaglia likes seeing you put on a show. You’re sure he knows you’re lying when you speak sweetly to him and show any softness to him. But, that doesn’t seem to matter. The sentiment is hollow, what he really enjoys is when you squirm in your own skin, rife with discomfort. 
Thinking about it, all of it, too lucidly makes your head spin. Wires crossing, eyes burning. 
So, you quiet your thoughts. You focus on the action of opening your mouth, swallowing, and fixating on the dusty, wooden floorboards of the cabin. Tartaglia speaks, now and then, as he finishes feeding you your meal. Perhaps it’s praise, with the saccharine smile he still wears. With such an expression, it’s just as likely he’s being cruel. He loves his thinly veiled insults, crafted specifically to get under your skin and make you writhe. 
Regardless, you don’t listen to him. Can’t, even. His words sound like static and aether. Everything other than the thick soup in your mouth feels fuzzy. 
You fixate on the food. It’s a meal. A communion. Something you used to enjoy sharing with others. It’s one of the reasons you enjoyed your work at the teahouse. You didn’t mind the service aspect of it; seeing patrons enjoy tea and cakes while indulging with loved ones, companions, and acquaintances alike had made you so happy. 
(It had been so nice to be invited to tea yourself, back then. ‘Childe’s invitation had been a welcomed surprise, and your first meeting over sweet breads and black tea on the docks of Liyue harbor had been nothing but pleasant.)
(It’s a bitter, poisonous memory.)
“All done!” Tartaglia exclaims as he shoves the last bite into your mouth. You feel warm and full, and you try to sit with the feeling as he fiddles with a clasp on his belt. The sound makes you freeze, going taut in your shoulders and drawing back against the wall. 
Tartaglia raises an eyebrow. 
“Sweetheart, settle down,” He pulls the flask from his belt and settles on his knees in front of you. Without any distractions, you feel forced to fully regard him, disgust swirling in your gut. He gives you a toothy, sly smile. “You don’t have to get anywhere near my cock if you can indulge me a bit.”
“... Indulge you how?” You ask, voice cracking, rough from its earlier treatment. Your cheeks heat. 
Tartaglia tilts his head, “Well, Dottore was going on about something he tried with one of his little lab rats and it sounded like fun. Nothing painful, nothing that will bruise your knees... well, any worse than they already are.”
Tartaglia uncaps the flask of water and swishes the liquid, side to side.
You glare at him, still back against the wall.
“You’re thirsty,” Tartaglia muses. “And I’ll be giving you some water. Don’t bite me or I’ll ‘forget’ to bring firewood for the next week, ‘kay?”
You want to question him, but don’t get a chance to. He grabs your jaw in a calloused palm and holds you steady. You bare your teeth, flinching, but there’s no room for you to back up farther. Your knees press against Tartaglia, who widens his own position to cage you with his thighs. You’re trapped. And you don’t know what the fuck is spinning around in this fucker’s head.
“Don’t look so scared,” Tartaglia pokes your ribs. You wince. “Maybe, you’ll even like this.”
Tartaglia takes a swig of water, going fat in the cheeks. You open your mouth to question him, but what his ‘fun idea’ is dawns on you at that moment. Your thrash against your binds fruitlessly.
Tartaglia slams his mouth into yours, rough and with enough force to pin your skull to the brick behind you. He tugs at your jaw, forcing your jaw to unlock and lips to part just barely. He takes the opportunity and hooks a few fingers over your bottom teeth, holding your mouth wide.
And he spits the mouthful of water into your own.
Oh, the fucker. 
Though Tartaglia’s forced you to eat every meal he’s brought you in the same way, he’s never tried this shit. Water was something he tipped into your mouth from his flagon or made you lap out of a bowl if he was in a particularly vile mood. Fucking demoralizing, sure, but this? This—
You gag, choke on the liquid and try to spit. 
Tartaglia doesn’t give you the chance, he’s fast and predicts your reaction perfectly. He shuts your mouth with a snap of your teeth that rattles in your skull. He slaps his hand over your mouth, wrapping his grip around the lower half of your face.
“Swallow, dearest.”
Archons, you hate him. 
Bile builds in the back of your throat. You don’t swallow. Rather, you meet Tartaglia’s gaze, level with him, and refuse to look away. It’s a stupid decision, you know, it’s fucking fruitless to go toe-to-toe with him. But you can’t swallow either. Your pride has been in shambles for as long as you’ve been in this cabin since Tartaglia dragged you from Liyue by your scruff, but all the same, you can’t let him have this—
(You have to try, don’t you? Just to say that you did. Even if you know how much easier it would be to give in.)
It’s uncomfortable to be this close to him and see him. More than uncomfortable, even. Revolting, maybe. Like this, you can’t avoid examining your captor. You hate sinking into the color of him. A blue so deep and vast that it feels almost void. 
(You noticed it back at the tea house too. The first time you really looked at him as he walked you back to your apartment. You stood on your stoop to thank him and your words died in your throat.)
(You saw something so hollow about him. Like he’d been carved out and replaced with something eerie and wrong. He hid such a condition with a charming smile, glowing personality, and more mora than you thought an individual person could conceivably have.)
(At the time, you dismissed the feeling. It was too uncanny to indulge. An error in your intuition, perhaps. You were just paranoid, right?)
Tartaglia pinches your nose shut and his smile goes dull and his words grow sharper, “You’re not breathing until you swallow.”
(Your move.)
When you’re unbound, you’re going to maim him. You’re going to shove Tartaglia into a snow bank and give his broken body to the Snezhnayan tundra. You’re going to ruin him, and then you’ll back to Liyue, see your family, friends—
(You feel light-headed, fuzzy around your edges. Your body aches from strain. A sob cracks from your throat and you choke on it.) 
And you fucking break. 
You swallow, gasping as Tartaglia removes his hands from your face. Tears bubble over your water line and you cough around lungfuls of air. Tartaglia croons something sweet to you — “deep breaths now, go slow”—
Every time this happens, that you yield to him, you feel something in you shatter. Over and over again you squirm and thrash under Tartaglia’s thumb but the outcome is always the same. It’s humiliating and inescapable. 
You wilt over Tartaglia’s lap. 
You fall into your captive and can’t bring yourself to fight the gentle hand that begins to stroke along the back of your neck and shoulders. You don’t resist your restraints. You fall into them, and let them hold you up despite the pain that tears up your arms and back. A cry rips from your throat and tears dribble down your cheeks to your jaw. Snot bubbles at your nose, but Tartaglia doesn’t seem to mind. 
Tartaglia is patient as you fight your own cracks and wounds, letting you cry and half-wretch in his lap. He remains silent, only petting you like a house cat. 
You have half a mind to bite his thigh and tear out a chunk.
(You don’t.)
(You’re so tired.)
Your chest aches with each sob. Your back is painfully arched so you can smother your face into Tartaglia’s pants. You’re uncomfortably close to his half-chub bulge and you swear it twitches when your breath hitches with sobs. You should move or at least try to, but you can’t make yourself. 
You wallow. 
Eventually, Tartaglia loosens one or two of your restraints to give you more slack. He pulls you to rest against his chest, tucked under his chin and with your cheek nestled against his collarbone. He runs his nails along your jaw, squeezing the nape of your neck between your hitched breaths. It’s comforting, it’s comforting— and recognizing that only makes you feel dirty. He radiates heat that sinks into you, and god, you despise how much you relish it. 
(Even more, you hate how you need it.)
The familiarity of your thoughts almost physically hurts, and you muffle another wail into his skin. If you could use your hands, you’d be clutching at his shirt and trying to drag him closer despite it all. 
(How many times must you shatter? When will he be satisfied? When will you give up?)
Tartaglia hushes you. He whispers another sweet nothing like the sentiment is real. 
He lets you rest against him until your breathing evens out. With enough petting and placating, you’re nothing but a tear-dampened lump against his lap. He doesn’t seem to mind. He coos and keeps you close, lets you settle and you know that if you dared to look at him, you’d see nothing but adoration in his eyes. 
(This is the moment he covets.)
He eventually disturbs your brief ‘peace’, as he always does. 
“Dear,” He says gently, like a lover. He kisses your forehead. “You have to drink the rest of the bottle just like that. Then you can sleep, and I’ll hold you. How does that sound?”
(Awful. Revolting. You don’t want any more of him near you, let alone in you. You can’t—)
You fight back something between a scream and another round of wailing. You give him a misty nod.
You suppose, the warmth of him and the soup in your belly will make the experience tolerable. Biting the hand that feeds you when there’s not another meal on the way seems like a poor decision. 
You give in, and let yourself sink into the depths with Tartaglia. And, ever dutifully, he catches you.
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benjineedssleep · 26 days ago
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a very long intro to a very long sambastian fic
before anyone gets baited and upset with me, i have to get this out of the way and say this fic is not out yet. i'm still writing it! but it does currently stand at **93k** words and has plenty of life left in it. with that said, if you wanna join the ride and see this fic come together (now that i'm finally ready to talk about it...) this post is for you!!!
BUT BEFORE WE DO THAT, while the fic itself not heavy on the 18+ content (most of it merely suggestive) it still has it. as a result, i'm kindly reiterating that this is an 18+ blog and for minors to not interact!!! this place is not safe for you!!! thank you...
NOW ONTO THE POST *KISS* *KISS* *KISS*
so benji, what's the fic about?
amazing question. come 'ere. closer... closer... okay! right there is good! let's not good too personal. *clears throat* IT'S ABOUT SAM AND SEBASTIAN STARDEW VALLEY!!! but more importantly, the fic is a slow burn and goes through almost every single part of their relationship until the final payoff. here's a quick summary:
sam spent summers in stardew valley when he was a kid and sebastian was his best friend. sebastian doesn't remember any of this. frankly, sebastian doesn't remember most of his childhood, not even the stupid shit he and abigail did that solidified their friendship. he just remembers the pain, the isolation, and the way everyone in town looked at him when he passed them by. he's grown content with the idea no one likes him, and ever would, until sam shows up at his door on his first day back in nearly a decade, and wants to be friends again.
or, alternatively, sam makes sebastian realize why exactly people move to stardew valley in the first place.
well, is it just sambastian? that's kinda boring.
tch, no. what do i look like? this fic is going to have a number of other pairings, platonic and romantic. even if your pairing isn't explicitly romantic in the fic, or not endgame, you will be fed well. trust me.
i'm talking platonic soulmates sebastian and abby, catty besties sebastian and haley, gay and confused sebastian and alex, haley/abby, seb + robin, seb + emily, seb + maru and more. Don't forget about all the trios. ass trio? gotchu. haley + seb + abby? gotchu. robin + maru + seb? i gotchu!!!
The characters in this fic are treated like human beings, more than just plot devices that push along the development of the main pairing. (and that's the way it should be, if you ask me.)
you said this fic is 18+ does that mean it's really nsfw?
no. that's the short answer. there are a couple of sexually explicit scenes but they are a) what i would consider "light smut" and b) solely there for the plot. if i expand on anything, which i have, it will not be in the main fic. it'll be posted elsewhere in a collection of fic-canon one shots and such. those things will not be prioritized though.
when will the fic be posted?
the fic will not be posted until i'm completely done with it. i've been in fandom spaces since i was 12-years-old and the stress that updating brings stunts my creativity. i've since learned from my mistakes and as this all started off as a passion project of mine, it's going to continue to be that way until i see it through.
with that said, i've been working on this fic since august and have more than half of it completed. the fic is set to end in fall year two and i'm currently at the end of winter year one. winter is also the bulkiest season in the entire fic, and currently makes up half of the word count. so we're in the home stretch at this point.
i still cannot give you a solid timeline but at the rate i'm working, and taking into consideration i'm a full-time college student with a part-time job and well, a life, i'm gonna say drafting will be done by the end of the year. from that point on i'll be writing additional chapters for the beginning of the fic (and where needed), revising, editing, and getting in secondary beta reads from my friends. that seems like a lot of work but the hardest part is getting words on the page. and i'm already more than halfway done with that!!!
so are we just... getting nothing?
lies! lies and untruths! i wouldn't be making this post if you weren't getting anything. for a matter of fact, there's already a post out! it's about writing a character's style into a story! (and since drafting this, there's another!)
now, the deal here is that while i'm working on the fic, we get to talk about it and hype it up. i really do work on excitement and hype and my friends Robyn, @itslc123, and @bitterpoison have really been here for me since the beginning, before this fic meant anything at all. So yeah, shout out to y'all. I love you so much =((( /pos
anyways!!! whether this gains traction or not, i'll be periodically posting my favorite bits of the fic, ideas, frustrations, and overall just bringing anyone who cares along on my train of thought.
i'm also trying my fuckin' hardest to be more involved in fandom spaces as i've been on the sidelines for much much much too long. so please, babble to me. share your ideas, headcanons for the fic, anything really. i don't bite! i'm just scared of... social interaction LOL
where will this be posted?
ao3! and it won't be posted anywhere else so don't ask.
do we get any extra goodies with the fic?
yes you do!!! because i can't do anything normally!!! if you know nothing about me, music is my special interest and pretty much everything i do revolves around it. as a result, you will be getting tons of playlists to go along with this fic. a general fic playlist, a playlist for certain scenes, a playlist for certain characters... YOU GET THEM ALL!!! I might sneak some other things in there as well. what it'll be? i dunno, but we shall absolutely see how far my brain goes and how committed i am to this fic + fandom.
once it's done, how will things go?
you're thinking real far ahead here, like, 2025 far, but it's okay. you're just a little excited AND SO AM I!!!
but in all seriousness, once the fic is completely finished, i'll be uploading it chapter by chapter to ao3. since it'll be complete, you can expect frequent and consistent updates. and the chapters will be thick for the most part. the average chapter length once it gets into the meat of the plot (about 20k words in) is 2.5-6k words long. but right now there's a super long, super important chapter that's 13k words long! trust and believe that you guys will be fed so very well.
is there anything else you have to say?
not that i can think of but-- OHHH THE FIC TITLE!!!
it's called "baby seasons change, but people don't" and is pulled directly from the take over, the breaks over, a fantastic song by my FAVORITE BAND EVER fall out boy. wanna know something cool about the title? a little silly? i picked it because i noticed a pattern in fob song lyrics/titles/related things being used for the titles of sambastian fics. and i wanted to keep the theme goin', so i had to do it too.
the title is subject to change, as the fic has come a long way since i first chose it, but i'm kinda sentimental about it right now so... we'll see.
but that's all! i said a whole lot just now. so take a break after all that reading.
i hope to see you around friend!
xoxo benji <3
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infernothechaosgod · 11 days ago
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Hey guys so the ask box's getting closed for a while probably like a week or so and so is the whole blog
explanation under
ever since that last ask telling me oswalds married to ortensia and its weird of me to use fanny i've had to deal with stuff like this sometimes popping up in my ask box
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its been infersting my ask box at very random mostly bc I think its one person or few people since these asks are diffrently spelled and worded sometimes remembering im here and feeling this need to send me this sometimes, Despite me not posting that much (at least i think its not much) oswald x fanny content in the first place
I haven't been responding to these asks because i think one of the goals of theirs might be making me try to "slip up" by saying something like idk "ortensia sucks" in the fit of #internetRage and making my mutuals who like ortensia upset with me...but that obviously hasn't been working too well lol because
1 this stuff doesnt make me feel the need to respond and doesnt anger me more so sometimes saddnes me but not that much you know?
and 2 i dont think ortensia sucks or anything, shes there, i really like some versions of her i dont use her bc like i said already i dont know how to write her too well and i dont wanna force myself to add a whole character in because like...if idk how to write her how do you expect me to use her? Do you want me to just make her stand next to oswald and thats it? if thats it then I could argue thats far worse than not having her in like from writers perspective way worse
these asks have been attempting to more and more justify their rudness towards me like how above you can see they say its disrespectful to disney (thats a bonus for me mate), that me not using ortensia means im a bad writer and that fanny's been toxic to oswald in the old shorts, all these things make my head turn tbh I think there all very easy to debunk
Also fanny hasn't been used in over 90 years i think the point they were trying to make with that is im not creative/oryginal bc of not wanting to write ortensia bc "i could not think of anything to expand her" but like fanny's got way less screentime than ortensia and has never had a speaking role and I did or at least im attempring to do exactly that with her but they talk about her like i took an already existing freshed out character and used her bc its easier witch really confuses me more than upsets me in any way
Since I dont wanna start drama of any kind but also since these asks have been really getting on my nerves now i've decided to close the ask box and after making this post i'll probably log out for a while probably about a week, i'll return with tcc comic pages and hopefuly will get to open the ask box soon after, im sorry to everyone who wanted to aks me stuff ik there are still some asks in my box I haven't answeared yet that arent this stuff you'll get your answears when I comeback and clean my aks box thecause it looks atrocious right now
So yea see ya in a week yall im sorry for shutting the blog down for so long but I think focusing on my stuff and moving away from all this will do good for me
Please take care - flame ❤️
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wordsnstuff · 2 years ago
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Hiya! Just wondering, what unusual and unique ways have helped you get out of a writer's creative block?
Let's talk *briefly* about writer's block.
Yes, this will be long, but I think it will help you.
It's been a long time since I was in a regular posting schedule for this blog, and that is upsetting to me (and many of you, I'm aware). For a significant chunk of that time, I considered writer's block to be the primary reason for this, but looking back on the nearly three years I've spent attempting over and over to return to the schedule and routine I once maintained, I have accepted that writer's block was never the problem. Not the way I thought.
I have, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, always thought of writer's block as if it's a tangible condition or something that happens to you, like a cold. That conclusion always prompted me to seek a solution (for instance, motivational content or exterior inspiration or anything that would enhance my capacity for self discipline). Because I thought of it as something that just developed naturally, I focused very little on the root of the issue and consequently it never seemed to improve.
For most of us, the past three years have ranged from severely abnormal to deeply traumatic, and though a lot of mythology around the process of art and inspiration tells us that conflict and pain inform a good portion of creativity, I have to admit that none of what the world has been through recently has made me want to write. When you and everyone you know have been in a survival mindset for several years, the seemingly trivial pleasure of creating fiction or sharing content about the process feels overwhelming. Every time I've returned to this space that I created long before experiencing any of this turmoil, especially because this turmoil occurred during the dawn of my adulthood, it has felt like a silly attempt at denial.
My writer's block, and I'm sure many others', was not simply a case of burnout or lack of inspiration. It's not that I had been pushing myself too hard without allowing for reasonable time for rest and recharging my mind, or that I simply ran out of ideas or reasons to want to continue. Even when you have the deepest of passion for a craft, you will always be human and therefore always affected by your environment and the events in your life. When you find yourself unable to put the pen to the paper, instead of asking what you can do to change that, ask why you're struggling in the first place. Focus on the cause, not the effect.
For me, a lot of my difficulty with writing has come from my environment and the mindset it has put me in. I am currently in university, so whether I like it or not, I have to write here and there and pull myself together to be able to do that. Every time I do so, I wonder why I can't enforce that same authority on myself for my personal projects, and it's because, for a long while, my environment has not been conducive to that effort. I haven't had the control over my schedule and responsibilities that I used to have, and finding a balance between these responsibilities and my personal goals has has a learning curve. All of these circumstances, for better or worse, have affected my mental state and my ability to write.
I did not have the freedom or even the energy to put in practice the exercises that helped me before, and as a result I haven't been writing. Coming out of that struggle hasn't been a matter of waiting for things to change or get better, it's been putting my energy toward a new process of trial and error. Since accepting that my new reality is here to stay, the priority has been finding new ways to work around it and specifically, work with it. This acceptance can require a lot of difficult reflection, and this can reach beyond your desire to write and into your desire to live a good life in general. It can feel silly or humiliating or patronizing to approach this reflection from the very bottom of things, and this includes the basics.
It may seem silly to consider the basics when the problem feels so extreme, but when you're consistently forgetting the casual maintenance of your mind and body, you will consistently find yourself failing to accomplish much beyond the bare minimum. If you struggle with mental health, this will be even more evident. Basic things like hydration, diet, sleep, movement, interaction, and joy will always be the most effective place to start when addressing why you cannot write. Once you have verified that these needs are met, then the presence of a deeper problem will reveal itself, but you'll never know if that's the case unless you check the other boxes.
So, you've checked the basics and they're all fine but you're still experiencing writer's block. Have you made time in your daily schedule for intentional rest? Are you coming home at the end of a long day and jumping straight into writing or keeping up with your duties at home or simply falling in front of a screen for a few hours? None of these things are rest. Distracting yourself with noise or housekeeping is not rest, and when it's all you do after a full day of other responsibilities, you haven't truly spent a moment with yourself finding fulfilling joy or relaxation. Yes, they can be compelling and very difficult habits within your routine to let go of, especially if you struggle to function without something occupying the back of your mind, but rest is extremely important to the creative process. If you like to scroll online a little bit or watch an episode of your comfort show after you get home to unwind, that's great. But in order to truly take advantage of your free time, try to optimize it by being intentional about the way you're experiencing it. Try not to fall into a routine of distraction because that isn't rest and it won't satisfy any of your needs.
Have you incorporated things into your routine that will contribute to your motivation to write? I don't mean you should put Stephen King quotes as your desktop screensaver or watch videos of people writing to make you want to participate. Those things help some people and that's great, but consuming things that make you think or bring you pleasure like books and well written movies or shows or music or podcasts can be just as impactful as anything else you do for your creative process. It's not just about what you do, it's about how others inspire you, and it's one thing to say you love books and reading and learning, and it's another to actually do them every day like you would wash your face or brush your teeth.
Whether you write as a hobby or an aspiration or a job, the creative process remains the same. It's important to remain consistent with the things you do to maintain your ability to write as much as it is to remain consistent with your actual writing routine. As a general rule of thumb, writer's block doesn't come from nowhere. If you want to alleviate it, you have to target the root of the problem or it will continue appearing on the surface. There is no one-size-fits-all cure to it and there are no "top ten wacky ways I solved years of executive dysfunction with the right chrome extension or tea flavor or candle scent or by typing upside down". This is internal work you will need to do, but it starts with trusting yourself. It is never too late to return to your passion. You will build it back up like a muscle, but you have to heal first.
I sincerely hope this helps,
Kate
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rookthorne · 5 months ago
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...why hello there, my chaos kittens.
I’m about to post one of the most personal things I have ever posted beneath this cut, but I kind of feel like I need the closure and saying this may help me. there are talks of disability, negative headspace, and overall a sombre tone.
I know it’s not my normal content, but it just is what I’ve been feeling.
TLDR: I’m coming back after a long, unannounced and unplanned hiatus.
I've had quite a long time to stop and collect my thoughts about the future of my blog, and if I am honest with you all, I came very close to deleting. a lot of things went wrong in my life with my health, etc. and due to that, I was in a really dark spiral.
the past few months have been hell, to say the least.
thankfully I've had the best people to pull me out and hold me steady and keep me afloat until I got my feet underneath me. the days aren't always easy and my new diagnoses don't make it exactly a cake walk, but if it wasn't for my circle I wouldn't be here typing this. if I could give them the world I would, but they are my world.
a lot of things have changed for me in all aspects, and due to that I have decided that while it will be very different, I am coming back to writing and tumblr as a whole.
I miss the hobby that opened me up, and while it has been close to 3 months since I have been able to write, and I likely will not be posting any new fics for some time, I still miss where I made my home.
I honestly think a huge part of what went wrong and what sent me down that spiral was creative burnout. writing has been my escape consistently for the past 2 years, and while that is not a long time at all, with my disability (god, it's hard acknowledging that now) I can become extremely and extensively exhausted beyond what should be possible. I know I only have myself to blame in a way, but I learnt my lesson and from this point on I'm going to take it a lot easier on myself.
please be patient with me while I reacquaint myself with this and the fandom, I'm so far behind and in my isolation, I have lost a lot of confidence. the love for writing was torn away but I am slowly, slowly patching it back up and holding it close. to those that have reached out and to those that have and I haven't managed to get back to just yet, please know that your love and support has been what's carried me through this. I know I have neglected a lot, and I have possibly lost a lot too, but I will forever say that I am beyond grateful to those that have stuck with my dumbass. I am making every effort I can to reach out to those that I haven't replied to, but it is taking a lot of time to build the confidence to talk.
but for now, I look forward to catching up on what I have missed, and let's see what mischief we can get up to. 🩷
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marty-parties · 2 months ago
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Happy September 15th! Which, if you didn't know, is 'leave a comment day.' I could be wrong though, since my source is a poll i took on my other blog - either way, i've come up with a fun idea.
In honour of ‘leave a comment day’ i’ve made a list of all of my favourite fanfics/authors that I can think of atm, and I wanna leave a nice little note about them and their work! This isn’t in any particular order, tbh it’s mostly me going through my AO3 bookmarks and re-reading all of my fav fanfic, haha. 
I honestly had no idea 'leave a comment day’ was a thing, and if you didn’t either, show your favourite authors that you appreciate them! Anything from a heart emoji, or a key smash, or an insightful/heartfelt comment will do wonders in terms of showing/being appreciated.
A lot of these fics below have influenced me in some way, big or small, into how/what I write today. I guess I wanted to give thanks where I could. (It’s also just really sick to make a doc full of your favourite things,and I highly implore you to do it too, even if you don’t wanna post it. (That's totally fair, no pressure.) I keep going over in my mind what I like about each fic and ‘oh, this fic is different from that, but it’s still fantastic, oh and this fic, too,’ etc. it’s such a fun little snowball effect of positivity, i definitely recommend you do this if you have time and need a pick me up, haha.)
Little note, here, If you’ve seen that I’ve read your fic, but found you’re not on the list - it’s not that I don’t like you/or work! I probably very well did enjoy it! I found as I was making this list it was taking a lot of my free time. (Free time that i’d rather like to use writing or reading more, haha.) And, I feel like this list is already so wickedly long ‘cause I can't shut my mouth to save my life, to add more might be a little bit much to read all in one go. 😅
So, please don’t be upset if that’s the case! ily *mwah* 
Also, there’s a few nsfw fics mention at the end, so if you’re a minor, pls buzz off,  that content isn’t for you! I also recommend you check the links on some of these fics. I think I’ve included warnings where I think they’re due, but you know yourself better than i do. And, who knows, I might’ve accidentally missed a tag or two - So, please take care of yourself out there! 
You’ll notice i’ve either included a source for either the authors tumbr, or AO3. I originally was going to try and do both, but i lost steam. Each story is linked to their author, on some site, promise. 
Last thing, most of these fics are in the undertale fandom, tbh. It’s been my ride or die since highschool, so i’ve got a lot of love and things to say. You won’t find any frans or foncest here, i’m a reader insert girlie, simply put, and I don't care much for those tags on the fics i read. 
Quick legend here:
Complete = complete work
Ongoing = still updating / i think they’re still update
Incomplete = either hiatus, or just incomplete
So, without further ado- 
 Road Side Attraction (Ongoing, teen+ rating) and Dirty Laundry (Complete, teen+ rating)
By Popatochisp  (AO3) / popattochisp (Tumbr)
I’m going to be grouping together fics by author. Usually when I find one I really like, i really lurk around their tumblr/AO3 for others, haha.
–AND because I can’t think of one fic without the other. I find myself going back to read them both quite frequently, usually on rotation,  they’re my little bedtime stories i keep on repeat in my mind, lol. 
I mean, if you’re in the undertale fandom how can you not know about pop? For me, them (and luluwrites, among a few others i can’t remember rn,) –were really impactful to me growing up, as I think it was to a lot of people. (Tbh they’re still impactful, actually. I find myself going back even pretty often to read the same fics I read in high school.) They’re like the one piece of media you read in English class in high school that sticks with you throughout your adult life. (Looking at you, monkey’s paw.)
Pop has like 1,000 different au’s to choose from, all with fantastic and deep characterizations and lore.( I don’t know how they do it, i’m only writing a/b ONE skeleton rn, and i feel like a hamster on a wheel trying to get his characterization right.  I couldn’t imagine doing that for every single au they have. God damn.) 
I especially love Roadside Attraction, because of how easily i can relate to it? I’m deep in the sticks, a town more populated by livestock and people. When I read this, I can really put myself i MC’s shoes - b/c i’ve been there! (Hah, maybe not the dating skeletons part, granted, lol.) But it’s such a fantastic read, I love any and all media that has a vibe that it could take place in like a   rural Montana. (think scenes in Twilight. Tall spruce/pine trees, misty morning, the possibility of seeing bigfoot, that sorta thing.) 
And Dirty Laundry? Come on, dude. What a love letter to the swapfell universe, truly. If you haven't read it, you gotta. The world building, and the changing POV’s are so damn good, that every chapter feels crisp, and like you’ve got a really good inside scoop of each character. You can’t knock the characterization in this one, fellas. All the dynamics are so dead on - how Sans and Papyrus interact, how Sans and Alphys – dude, even how Sans and Toriel interact read so deeply in character. Everyone’s motives and ideas make sense to each character and the conflict that it  brings. Big fan. 10/10, will definitely read again and again. (There’s also a ‘Menswear addition, where the reader has he/him pronouns if that’s your cup of tea!) 
Bones Picked Clean (Incomplete, teen+ rating) and) Apéritifs (Ongoing, Mature rating)
By Skelezbian (tumblr) / luluwrites (on AO3)
Woof, where do I start?? I think Bones Picked Clean is another one of the first fics I remember being a really impactful piece of undertale fanwork that stuck with me. I know they’re not the one who created the whole ‘lodge’ scenario, (if you know, you know. Thank you @Tyrant_Tortoise, we’ll be seeing you next,) but they put a spin on it that is so interesting to see. The problems feel very realistic, like something that can easily happen in a house full of busy bodies with not enough communication. And, ohmygod the MC. My first love, truly. You get to see each set of skeleton brother’s, and watch how MC’s befriends them all. Granted, they have a track record of putting themselves in dangerous situations, for reasons revealed in the fic, but they’ve got a heart of gold, and a PHD in being a sweetheart.
The horrortale boys really shine here. I haven’t read much horrortale centric fanfics, but I really like the soft horrorale’ spin. The healing after the damage, the sunshine after the storm, watching the fauna overgrow, etc. I love watching characters grow when love is shown, and here, you can really see it here. I love domesticity, and using food as a love language– which is something this fic has in spades!
(I also love love swapfell characterization in this fic, chapter 13 does a REALLY good job of walking you through the mindspace of sf pap. But in terms of favourties, i’d have to say that would be Chapter 18. You get to see sf pap’s relationship with his brother!  You really see/understand their dynamic, and how they really act as brothers behind closed doors. The other reason it’s a favourite is the inherit domesticity! Maybe I’m a sucker for the normie, slice of life, but how MC and sans chit chat at the start of the chapter is so cute! )
Warning: mention of past cannibalism, past murder, past abuse? I think that’s it, maybe check the tags to be sure. They sound scary, but I promise it’s a very sweet story. 
Ohh, Apéritifs. First of all, what a clever name! I’m a sucker for word play, and this title alone really did it for me, haha. (if you don’t get it, please google ‘define Apéritifs’, and you’ll be just as jazzed as me.)  They’re three stand alone one-shots featuring a  different skeleton each chapter. I will say, I think chapter 3 is my fav. It’s actually heavily inspired me to make one of my one shots - it’s that good! I love the world building in it, as well. Really, you can’t go wrong. (Lulu really knows how to nail flirty dialogue, in very funny ways. ‘“so, you a fan of spare ribs, or just mine?”’ (ch. 3 – Apéritifs) KILLS ME, oh my god, what a funny flirty little one-liner. 
Skeleton Squatters and The LandLady (Incomplete, teen+ rating)
By Tyrant_Tortoise (AO3) tyranttortoise (Tumblr)
Man– SSLL walked so we all could run. The amount of ‘lodge’ type fanfic dynamic i’ve seen, BECAUSE of this fic is wild. I might be wrong in saying this, but I think they were the one who came up with the whole ‘lodge’ type scenario, like all the reverse harems with all the au’s. 
I haven’t read anything of theirs in a long time, but I wanna pay my respects where respects are due. Tyrant made one hell of an influential fanfic, enough so, that I’m pretty sure if I had a timeline of fandom evolution on undertale alone– I think there would be a noticeable difference in the before and after SSLL.  Which, is so sick!! To have influenced a whole fandom with a concept that we’re still seeing it years later? (I get that trends sorta tend to last longer in fandoms than they do irl, but isn’t that such a neat thing to think about?) 
I’m going to age myself (and maybe you, reading this a bit, but–) the first chapter was posted in 2017. 2017! Isn’t that nuts to think about? I was literally 17 at the time. No WONDER it stuck with me, my teenage brain was looking for all the  serotonin it could get from fandoms.  (wow. Things haven't changed all that much for me, haha. 
Skeleton Ex Machina (Incomplete, teen+ rating)
By Cryptid_jack (AO3)
Ohh, okay, for all the SSLL fans out there, you probably already know who cryptid_jack is. And if not, I'll gladly tell you!
They’ve made this cool ass AI AU (it’s a LOT cooler than it sounds, I promise!) in their words, ‘a fanfic of a fanfic’ that’s actually in Skeleton Squatters and The LandLady (see above.) I’d recommend reading SSLL to fully understand this - although, if you’re good at picking up context clues, or maybe don’t mind missing some context, I don’t necessarily think you’d have to, since jack does a really good job of showing the reader everything that’s going on. (although, i really  recommend you do.)
I think this au is so cool, it’s literally tagged as ‘Quarantine Sans’ (which, i’ll be the first to say, that maybe that name didn’t hold up too well, with recent 2020 events, an’ all that. Pandemic aside, it’s a cool name for an AU!) 
It’s also really fun to see two friends in the fandom interact with each other's works like this. Even reading the note at the start of the fic, you can just feel the camaraderie and care that went into paying each other's proper respects. 
Big big ups, hats off to proper manners and friendship!
All’s Fair In Love and (Prank) War (Incomplete, teen+ rating)
By torrikor (AO3)
Ohh, this is a short and sweet 2 chapter read. I don’t the author is going to circle back to it, but i suggest you read it anyways! the idea is so so good! In essence, MC and sf sans are roommates, and MC starts a prank war. I love love love their dynamic, their bickering is a real treat to read, that, coupled with their size difference? Sign me up!
My Favorite Thing (Complete, teen+ rating) and A Conversation Starter ( Complete, teen+ rating) 
By peachwhimzy (AO3) peachwhimzy-things (Tumblr)
I’m a slut for their characterization of sf pap here, oh my god. Both are so so good, and i know  i must sound like a broken record by saying I love how this author interpreted his character - but i can’t help it! So many people have good ideas and ways to showcase a character! Sue me.  
A Conversation Starter is another one that’s inspired me to write a little one-shot. It’s so fantastically written, sf Papyrus and MC are at a bus station, both the first human and monster either have met. The world building is subtle, but wonderfully done. MC is so damn cute in this, and so is Papyrus, who’s really just trying to keep the conversation going, lol. There’s a delightful slice of life aspect to this. 
Honestly, a lot of of Peach’s work feel very domestic, and sweet, and romantic. Sorta like i’m reading a studio Ghibli movie. Do yourself a favour and go check em out!
Late Night Shift Romance (Complete, teen+ rating)
By Inumaru12 (AO3)
The one fic on here that’s not a romance,how about that. (I guess that’s not technically true. There's possibly something budding, if you squint. I always read it as platonic friendship- it’s fanfic! Read it with whatever context you’d like!)
Burgerpants and MC are at the same convenient store late at night, and there’s a robbery. Friendship ensues. I love seeing the background character of undertale, and honestly, who doesn't relate to Burgerpants? Perpetually working shitty minimum wage jobs, trying to chase his dreams - that’s rough. I appreciate a character who can give a nod to class solidarity.. I think Inmuaru12 did so well writing his character, it feels like he was plucked out of the game himself, haha. 
My Dearly Detested Delivery Man, (Complete, teen+ rating) and Black Coffee (Complete, general audiences rating) 
By Little_old_lady (AO3)
Lol yet another set of swap fics, haha. (Yet another great example of different interpretations of the swapfell au!)
My Dearly Detested Delivery man is so  fun, I love an ‘enemies to friends to lovers’ type of fic. I love the dialogue, it’s so funny! Like almost sitcom-esk with how good the one liners are. I think my favourite thing about writing fanfic is the dialogue- but reading what other authors have cooked up is such a treat, too. I love seeing authors with a certain brand of wit/cleverness they think the character would have, and seeing their own comedy bleed through, too sometimes. Little_old_lady does a good job showing the reader what you can gleam from the characters with how they talk to each other, in a way that sets the tone for their relationship. (whether it’s platonic, romantic, etc.)  There’s so many ways you can show friendship, but I think the “passion” (lmao I don’t know what else to call it!)  that’s at the heart of any argument is what can create the difference between friends arguing, vs two people who could be more. (Better put, I think what I like about two characters arguing is the sorta obvious chemistry it can create.) 
Black Coffee does a good job about that too! I’ll be the first and last to say that I love any characters whose love language is ‘argue’ (lol even though irl I wouldn’t last long in any relationship like that, haha. ) I can be hit or miss with a soulmate au, but there’s another layer that I think undertale adds another level to in a soulmate au-since the game established that monsters and magic are real— that it almost feels a little more plausible of an au, than say, a soulmate AU of parks and rec? (no hate on the au or parks and rec, haha. I guess it just feels more “realistic” being that undertale is already a world made of magic, that magical soulmates, is one more step into weird that also makes sense?) I also love the bro-ship mc has with pap, in this one. Coming from someone who’s constantly worked retail/with customers one-on-one, somedays you want to go ape shit, so it’s nice to see an MC who can.
Half Your Age Plus Seven (Complete, teen+ rating) 
By KassyKins
Ohhh, what a little treat this was to read. Tragedy! Romance! Love-rivalry! (NOT a love triangle!) People just Trying to do their best, they’ve got it all! This is another MC i’m in love with. They know what they love, and what they’re passionate about, but when push comes to shove, they’ll choose their family over themselves every single time. I think it’s a very admirable trait to have, integrity, and the ability to self-sacrifice.  I think those two tropes/characteristics can really lead a story in so many interesting directions - weather it be an MC who’s too self-sacrificing, giving parts of themselves to everyone, leaving nothing for themselves, or an MC who’s pushing themselves through the ringer trying to do what they think is right according to their integrity, burning them up in the process.  In this particular case, it’s maybe a little bit of both, coupled with (sad) a slice of life meet cute, with a healthy dose of growing pains. 
There’s something about it that always hits extra hard to me, the ‘thrust into the lime light, or power, or a position they have no business being in. But, they’ve got people on the line, their people to take care of, so by god they’ll try.’ There’s something so tragic and poetic about it – but who knows, maybe I'm waxing poetic about the eldest daughter trope. 
This fic really nicely written, and there’s so many fun hijinks and shenanigans in there to make you chuckle. Featuring another MC who’s able to shout at their boss and get away with it- big ups from me, lets goooooo working class!
Fair warning, this is a notable age gap from MC and swapfell gold sans. It is talked about in the story as well. I personally don’t mind it too much, but if that’s a no-go from you, you’ve been warned. (Maybe just check the tags on this one, (spoilers!) I know someone gets pregnant later. But, I know that can freak some folks out, so, heads up.) 
There’s some smut mentioned, but it doesn’t go into detail about it, so i’ll leave it above the NSFW section. Just fair warning! (Maybe not a story for minors? I don’t know, read at your own discretion if you are?) 
For the smut mention, be warned that I couldn’t find any age in their bio, do with that what you will. 
And Now It’s Crystal Clear(Complete, teen+ rating)
By nighttimelights (AO3)
Oh, man. What another banger read. 
Fun fact- i read this in . . . highschool? But i forgot the name of the fic,and it took me FOREVER, im talking YEARS before I found it again. I actually gave up the hunt, and just found it again one day– what an utter joy that was for me to rediscover it. I felt like I ran into my highschool sweetheart at the grocery store after not thinking about them in years. 
It’s really cool concept on the whole ‘machine gaster’ situation. I respect someone so damn much who incorporates a bit of sci-sfi in their fics, I have no idea how to write it, but I love to read it/see it in media. So to see it, and understand it, and how it’s relevant to the plot is a real treat!
I also love the ending.  :)
Wish Bone (Ongoing, Explicit rating)
By timeofjuly
I could not, in good conscience make this list without including my bestie, the OG and probably the reason why I'm actually posting what I'm writing today. I really can’t sing their praises high enough – but for the sake of comment day, I sure can try, haha.
July really does a good job of creating a wicked atmosphere in her works. The stark difference between Wish Bone (a political romance drama) and Resisting the Currents (reverse harem, but the gf likes you too. It's linked in the nsfw section, please check it out if you can.) is so incredible – they’re really an author that can do both, haha. Even though both fics are so different, what they have in common is their ability to get you right in your feelings, in whichever way the story calls for. 
In Wishbone  – Flint (the MC) has a bad case of being a massive asshole, that’s verging on becoming chronic. Their paranoia has caused their head to permanently be a swivel, and they’ve developed a taste for their own brand of Justice (however malicious as it is.)  That sounds like the start of a vigilante story, but in all truth, Flint is a dick. Which, is another thing July is great at! Writing MC’s who are assholes! You love to hate them, you hate that you love them! 
This is a MC x sf Pap, and later X sf Sans as well, If you’re hoping for a sappy romance, you’ve come to the wrong place. This is a reluctant soulmate AU fic, a fantastic spin on the traditionally very romantic au, a meet ugly, sort of vibe. If you love arguing, political drama, fantastic world building, and a very, sad, broken MC – you’re going to love this. Hell, even if how I described it doesn’t sound appealing to you – I implore you to check it out anyways. July will absolutely knock you on your ass with her writing. By god, there’s themes, motifs and symbolism that I'm not smart enough to analyse, let alone talk about. Whether July intentionally put them there or not, I have no idea, but they’re there and it adds another layer of depth in a delightfully, painful soul crushing way. 
Go, see what I mean for yourself! 
Tbh, i feel like I could go on forever about what I love about their fics, and my little personal theories on them – but I feel like I already look pretty unhinged. For the sake of my ego, i’ve gotta move on. 
In terms of warnings, I think I sorta covered them? There's Plenty of anger, and hatred, ummm monster phobia? There might be some sorta nsfw stuff down the line, thus the rating, but as it stands now it’s smut free! Just a heads up, I suppose. 
 In Two weeks time and Red is my favorite color
By who_wants_a_muffin (AO3) 
My other current ongoing fav, in two weeks time! Another swapfell sans one, to the surprise of absolute of no one, haha. 
This MC is a dude! A man! Which is a refreshing change up, I don’t think there’s many many fics out there with a male leaning/male dominant MC’s. The characterization of MC is very good, 
is so so good, it’s and X sf sans, and he’s got the exact right amount of snark and sass to keep you coming back, haha. (Or, I guess in this case, he keeps coming back. MC works at the pool he frequents.) Their banter is really fun to read, bordering on bickering, really. They’re almost like a little old married couple, haha. Which is to say, you can really feel the chemistry they have even though they’re basically strangers. 
sf Papyrus is such a little shit in this one, i love it. He’s perpetually the youngest brother, and how Muffin writes him is so snarky and funny, and very endearing. 
The chapters are short and sweet, enough so that you can read it a few times in the same day and still enjoy it, even though his updating schedule is crazy fast! I don’t know how he does it, but they’re just motoring along, haha. I get excited whenever I get an email saying Muffin updated. It’s like a little treat to brighten your week.
I’ve been reading a bit of his other stuff, and he just gets it! Like the dynamic between MC and fell sans in Red in my favorite color, is just perfect. I love the soft!underfell au, and he does a really good job of capturing how underfell sans straddles the line between being a bad boy, and a boy that's not all that bad.
I also love the notes he writes, ‘Hello gays and other assorted sillies!’ (from Chapter 2 in Red in my favorite color,) Like COME ON, that’s so funny! 
– Undertale related 
Bonley Hearts Club (Demo available, Ongoing, teen+ rating) 
Bonely Hearts Club (tumblr) 
owl-bones (tumblr) is the Developer and Director and (self proclaimed! I’m not being mean!) Lead Nerd.  Here is a link to their cast, although it might not be fully updated. (It’s  \a big one, so I'm going to leave it as a link.) 
I don’t even know how to begin to explain my love for Bonely Hearts Club. It’s a fanmade game, made entirely of love, which you can tell, even before you play it. The sprites are so cute, and fantastic, and the writing is so in character and on point, do not get me started on the voice acting - which is also incredible. I’m not kidding, when I first played the demo, I immediately followed the voice actors on tumblr after, haha. 
This is the kinda piece of art that you just stand back and look at it, and just go ‘wow’. It’s such a big undertaking! I know very little about game development, but from what i vault remember from my comp sci class - is that is’s hard. Mad respect from me to Owl, and everyone a part of the team/process. 
This is off topic, but I wonder if Toby Fox has read any of these fics, or played the demo of this dating sim, like in the same way Alex Hursh has played a bit of Swooning Over Stans: A Grunkle Dating Sim. I’d pay serious money to have Toby play the dating sim demo. God, could you imagine the energy in that livestream? It would be goddamn electric.
[ Soul Redacted ] (Completed, teen rating) and The Great Noodle Jape (Completed, teen rating) 
By nighttimepixels (game jolt) nighttimepixels (tumblr) 
// active twitter lethalhoopla  
//active tumblr lethalhoopla
Good god, talk about a . . .what, triple, quadruple threat? There’s nothing nighttimepixels can’t do. They write, they make art, they’ve made two complete games, (and the beginning of another,) and they animate!! Like oh my god! Another love letter to the fandom, everything they do is so so good. 
[Soul Redacted] is a very cool rpg sidescroller explorer/mystery, and i’d say a touche of sci-fi in there, too. It has fantastic writing, and features Q! (from Cryptid_jack au, in Skeleton Squatters and The LandLady fromTyrant_Tortoise  fic! see above for all!) Truth be told, I got a little scared playing this. Granted, I played it at like 2 am in the dark - and I am a coward lol. I don’t think the average person will get scared, but fair warning anyways, haha. 
They’re not into the undertale fandom anymore, I don't think. Which is sad to hear, but also understandable. It’s not fun making art and other creations if you’ve lost that spark there. However, if you’re a mass effect fan, they’re making a bunch of art on their other bog. I personally really love their art style, so i’ll gladly keep checking back. Also, there’s so much undertale content on their blog that you’ll be good for a long while. And if not, you can always go back and look again! If you can’t experience it for the first time, the next best thing is to experience it again. 
Warning: I think there’s some flashing lights at some point? Maybe double check the tags on that one if that’s a concern for you. 
The Great Noodle Jape is so damn cute. As night put it, ‘a visnov style silly whodunit’, which I think it captures it perfectly. The writing is so fun, all the characters feel very well written/in character, and i love how they all interact with each other. As well, the sprites are so fantastic! Night has that kind of art style where you just know it's theirs without needing to confirm. 
No warnings that I could think of, other than you’ll be wishing for the experience of playing it for the first time once you’re done.
– non-Undertale related fics - 
Cult of the Lamb—
The Rehabilitation of Death 
By bamsara (AO3) / bamsara (Tumblr)
WOOF. I am an ‘happy ending angst’ lover, and a ‘energies to lovers slow burn,’ and this fic takes the cake on both regards. Truly, who could pine better than a god, who’s named literally ‘The One Who Waits’? What an aptly named character for one of the major troupes in the fic, haha.
But for all you freaks out there (lol me) who don’t mind horror some of the time, I recommend reading it! Even if you’re not into CoTL, the pining is so goddamn good! (Considering it’s about gods, they’ve been pining for hundreds of years without even knowing it–  the slowest of burns, like oh my GOD.) Bam also is known to post longer chapters- so if you like a read that lasts a couple days, PLEASE do yourself a favour and check it out. I don’t wanna spoil anything, but they’re getting to the part where the main couple is starting to be nice to each other, plus, the subplot B couple is starting to sorta shack up too. There are so many good, funny dynamics that are in this fic, that I don’t have enough words to properly explain them. 
They also make fantastic artwork and sketches for just about each scene in their fics - which for all you visual girlies out there (myself, haha.) I think you’d appreciate it! I wish I was that type of triple threat, but I think i’d burn out too quickly if I was also drawing scenes of my fics – which is why I think it’s so impressive when other authors/artists do it! 
 They do art streams pretty frequently, too, and they make stickers too! A true triple threat, 
Just, fair warning-  like Cult of the Lamb (the game the fic is based off,)  this fic mentions a lot about gore, and death, and mention of cults and religion. So if any of that is a turn off, or something you don’t like to read about, this might not be your cup of tea. 
Non-fanfic Undertale fandom related material– 
FNAF—
Solar Lunacy (Incomplete, Mature)
By BamSara
(I kept these two separate on the account they’re different fandoms, lol) 
I was very briefly into the FNAF fandom, I only read a handful of fics— but Solar Lunacy really stuck with me!
Robots with trauma! An overly curious MC! I think what I like most about this, is how driven mc is? Usually it gets them into trouble, haha, but I love that troupe where the MC really puts themselves through the wringer looking for answers. (I.e like ford and bill from gravity falls.)  
What’s not to love? For all you robot fans out there, it’s pretty sick! I’m sure if you dig deep enough on Bam’s tumblr you’ll find all their old DCA fanart, and draw parts from this fic. 
Fair warning! Scary robots, the regular tags of the fnaf fandom (past child abuse/past child murder), robots don’t understand boundaries, maybe check the tags on this one, just in case. 
Sleuth Jesters (Series!) (Complete, teen+ and mature ratings, depending on which fic in the series you’re reading.)
By naffeclipse (AO3)
This was the other FNAF fanfic that really stuck with me when I had the robot bug. (lol)  I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m not overly into the whole ‘mafia boss’ side of self-ships, but if I had to choose one to read for the rest of time –  it would definitely be this one. It’s like a detective noir, where mc is the vigilante who’s only law they follow is their grey moral code - but usually it’s for the good! So you can’t really feel to bad about that, haha. 
Tbh it’s almost hard to verbalise what I like about it, it’s one of those fics that give you a feeling you can’t name, and it’s so frustrating to have this unnamed feeling you can’t quite pinpoint! (PLEASE tell me some of ya’ll know what i’m talking about!)
I feel so tragically for the MC, if that makes sense? They’re constantly putting themselves in harm's way for answers, and for others.  They’re selfless, yet selfish, and they never let anyone too close, except for when they do. There’s some heavy themes and very toxic relationships, but there’s a happy ending! 
Ahh warning for a very possessive, toxic robot, and kidnapping in later fics - i suggest you read the tags just in case! Bam is really good at tagging triggers accordingly, 
Fair warning: blood and injury, very possessive character, toxic relationships (one sided), mention of injury, violence, kidnapping, guns, gunshot  wounds, shootouts, broken bone- probably some more. I recommend checking the tags on this one as well, just to be on the safe side. 
NSFW Below – Minors get out of here pls!
A quick mention, before I get into this–
I tried to check and make sure all the authors below are all well over 18, i’ve indicated which link has their age posted in their bio’s if you’d like to check for yourself. If I couldn’t find it, I made sure to be clear that I don't know. 
Just doing some light housekeeping, here. You should also check the tags on each fic for what kinda . . . stuff it has, lol. 
Play With Me (Incomplete, explicit rating) 
By grimrester (AO3) / grimrester  (tumblr/ age in bio here.) 
Oh my god. Oh my god! For all you queers on the ace/aromatic spectrum just like me, this is the fic for you!
I could easily go back and read this again and again - tbh I already do. It’s plot with porn, and then it turns into porn with plot, but emotional!  love the relationship between MC and Sans. There's something about their intimacy that’s so casual (maybe not the right word for what I mean,) but vulnerable, and realistic, but very enthusiastic and personal? I don’t think I even have the right words to properly and fully describe what all I like about this fic, but what I do know is that I like it a lot, haha. 
I like that it shows sex and intimacy in a different way. I know it’s pretty common for undertale smut to have some kind of ecto junk involved - this one doesn’t. I personally, like the creativity involved in thinking different ways a person can get off that isn’t just penetration. (Don’t get me wrong, that’s in here too, but that comes a little bit later.) 
I’m also s Big Fan of the sf sans interpretation here. It’s like a soft swapfell, one of my favourite version of him. I said it already, but there’s so many ways a person can go with his character, and I really really like the worldbuilding. It’s a nice subtle nod told through the characters. I love his relationship he has with Alphys, it all feels so incredibly in line with the character, even though he’s a swapfell version, he still does have some sort of friendship with her – even if to him it’s under a guise. To me, it’s one of those things that you can see the core traits that make him a sans, and that’s a hard needle to thread! Just an all around great character study. 
ALSO, I think I have a particular penchant for MC’s with oddly specific niche jobs?? In my heart of hearts, Pixy’s (the name of the arcade MC owns in Play with Me) is like right next door to Faunas (the name of the pot store my MC owns in Into The Weeds.) 
Warnings: i’m pretty sure this one is tagged accordingly on AO3, so i’m not going to tag it all here, just know there’s smut. 
Something Good (Ongoing, Mature) 
By skeletonlvr22 (AO3)
WARNING: No age in bio that I could find. This fic isn’t at the smut yet - but becuase of the 'eventual smut' tag, and for the sake of transparency, i’m letting you know. (I’m like 90% sure this person is an adult though, since there’s a tag thanking their husband for their help.) Do what you will with this info, you’ve been warned. 
This is another one of my current reading obsessions lately! 
I think i’m realizing I have a particular penchant for some of the lesser known au’s? (niche, I suppose?) Fellswap Gold Pap sets out on his own in only his trusty bus, to explore the surface above, away from the (over-) protective eyes of his brother. 
This is the escape fantasy of my dreams. A stray skeleton on the adventure of his lifetime, seeing the sights and the city lights. The romance portion in the later chapters is so damn cute too, it’s very much the ‘first love’, type of romance that’s very sweet and charming. (also, c’mon, who doesn't love a coming of age story?) Love love seeing a Fellswap Gold fic, and a Papyrus based one, too! People are so damn creative, I never would've ever thought of this plot for a fic, but now that I know it’s real, I love it!I I’m really not kidding when I say it’s prime escape fantasy material -  I think it would be the cats ass to have a van and travel across north america, thanks skeletonlv22 for letting me vicariously live through Pap in your fic. :) 
Warning: Only the ones i’ve given at the top! It’s a very cute story. I put it in the NSFW section b/c of the eventual smut, there’s none in it now – although, they certainly are starting to get flirty. 
Resisting the Currents (Ongoing, Explicit) 
By timeofjuly (AO3) timeofjuly (Tumblr) 
WARNING: No age in bio that I could find, but I’ve been chit-chatting with July for months now and i’m 99.99% sure they’re well above 18. It’s not my info to give out, and i’m trying to be transparent on my end, do with this info what you will! 
Edit: age confirmed in the tags!
This is easily another fav of mine for sure. 
Resisting the Currents is a reverse harem fic (with all the au’s!) but with a twist - the gf likes you too! It’s a refreshing take on the ‘reverse harem’ tag you see often in the undertale fandom - and holy shit, truly ‘only love can hurt like this.’ The relationship they have with the MC is so painful, verging on devastating. There’s love there! There is! But there’s also hurt, and a lot of it, the kind that doesn’t just go away, not on its own, anyway. I’m trying not to spoil too much, because I truly think you should read it for yourself. 
But, Oh My God, their MC? Holyshit- I have a(n aforementioned) weakness for impressionable MC’s, oftentimes, I end up loving them more than the love interest in the fics.  I can’t help it! The electrician is personable, relatable, and funny! They’re a lovable goofball with a rough past, with a history of doing the wrong things.They're recovering/recovered? (I’m not too sure which is the correct term, here,) drug addict, and they’ve come a long way! They’ve changed a lot, and I love love love to see that kind of realism in an MC. 
If you’re reading RtC (which you should be,) you can 100% see me going apeshit in the comments trying to figure out what the elections and Quinn’s deal is. (ESPECIALLY chapter 11!
(Sorry if they’re not coherent, at one point, those theories made sense in my head, but looking back on them, I think they’re more so like the crazed ramblings of a conspiracy theorist, haha.) 
This fic is in the NSFW section b/c it does have a chapter where two characters get it on, but i can’t say that’s what the whole story is about. I put it down here to be safe rather than sorry, haha. 
Ahh, fair warning, there is past drug mention, and past abuse child abuse I think? Plus, a bit of mention of religion and the negative effects that can have on a person. Read the tags just to be safe!
Shark Teeth (Complete, Mature rating)
By luluwrites (AO3) skelezbian (Tumblr)
Warning: No age in bio that I could find. If it makes you feel any better, they joined AO3 in 2012, while I joined in 2016 and i’m 24 currently. I’m not good at math, but I think we’re all in the clear here. But like always, do with this info what you will! 
I will say, this isn’t full on smut - it’s saucy, but I’m trying to keep anything suggestive, kinda together? 
Not to divulge myself too furiously here, but uh–There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about Shark teeth. C’mon. Y'all get it, right? It’s just a funny, saucy little number! A funny moment that happens between couples that we get to see. There’s so many different interpretations on the fellswaps, (I know i’ve said it a lot,) but Lulu’s just happens to be one of my favourites interpretations!! Sf Sans is a very precarious character, and I think Lulu does a good job showing that the swaps can be written in a multitude of ways, he doesn’t just have to be the dickhead all the time, lmao. They really do a good job showing how he shines, y’know?
Warning: teeth and/or biting? Not full on smut, or anything, but it is saucy. So, take that into consideration. 
The Fulfilling Ordeal of Being Known (Complete, explicit) 
By nighttimepixels (tumblr) / // active on twitter lethalhoopla (age mention in bio here) 
Ohhh, for all my sapphics out there – you’re going to love this. 
Blade (fem  horrortale sans, who’s apart of her ‘Lillytale’ au, a sapphic take on all the au’s,) and MC settling down for a nice night in, MC playing breath of the wild (BIG UPPS, great game, lol) while Blade plays some games of their own - hopefully you get the picture. 
Just some great lady-lovin’ smut! Size difference! If you love the pillow princess treatment, this is the fic for you.
Warnings: (Lesbians? Queers?) really going to town on each other, def NSFW. Check the tags before reading, it’s nothing Dead Dove, or anything - just want you to be aware. 
mothiepixie (tumblr / age in bio here)
mothiepixie (twitter, age in bio here too) 
No fic to tag, but their art? AHHHHH. They’re more active on twitter than tumblr since The Ban, but ohhh their art is very, very good. Very great if you like fictional hunky men, and beautiful shapely ladies. 
Warnings: tasteful (shameless) smut, you’ve been warned, lol
Woof. That was a lot of typing. If you made it this far, circle back to one of the recommendations above and get to reading!
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