#LEGIT HAD TO PAUSE IT AND REMIND MYSELF

[doueverwonder]

NML NBD M,M.

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[the-writerwoman]

So, this started as a joke, then I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Then I wrote this for a laugh, but now I think I’m trying to convince myself to actually write a Fifty shades of grey AU for Poolverine 👀 with Logan as Christian and Wade as Ana. No inner Goddesses though 😂

This is the scene from Fifty shades darker, when they go to Christians family’s benefit thing. With my own spin on it. Hope it’s ok. It was legit spur of the moment writing so there might be a couple mistakes.

Let me know if you like it! If people are interested, I might throw it on the pile of fics to write.

It is NSFW so minors DNI. 18+

The Xavier Gala was famous. Hosted once a year by Charles and Erik, it was a glittering, over-the-top masked affair where elegance was expected and rich people could bid on things and absolve themselves of guilt given it was for charity. Wade had heard whispers about it, but now he was attending, as Logan’s date.

Which would’ve been nerve-wracking enough without Logan handing him a sleek little toy from the playroom while Wade was pulling on his silver satin shirt.

Wade stared at it, then at Logan, cheeks pink.

“Seriously?”

Logan leaned against the doorway, already dressed in a crisp white shirt and black suit, which Wade thought was boring. “It’s discreet. Remote controlled. Live a little.” He flashed a grin.

Wade made a helpless little noise. “You want me to suffer.”

“I want you,” Logan said simply. “And as long as you keep your cool, no one has to know.”

Wade muttered something about cruel, rich men, but he bent over on the bed and let Logan slowly finger him open, gasping as Logan purposely bumped against his prostate, before he pulled his fingers out and slipped the toy in, stepping back to let Wade get into his dress pants. Logan helped him button his jacket, kissed his jaw, and stepped back again.

“How does it feel?”

Wade shuffled around a little, feeling the weight of the toy inside him, trying not to let it show how it’s rubbing in just the right spot. “Yep, great. Totally fine. Definitely not like I’m going to have a vibrating butt plug inside me while in a room full of people.”

Logan’s smirk turned devilish and Wade felt like he was in trouble.

~~

The ballroom was stunning.

Candlelight flickered from crystal chandeliers above, and strings of twinkling fairy lights hung along the walls. Men and women in suits, gowns, and intricately crafted masks drifted between champagne trays and velvet booths.

Wade felt eyes on him from the moment they walked in—silver against black, with the intricate silver mask Logan gave them before they left the car. Logan’s mask was plain black.

Logan went to check their coats in and Wade saw Charles and Erik first, both standing proudly near the front, wine glasses in hand so he headed over to them.

Charles beamed when he saw Wade. “There he is. We’re so glad you could come.” He patted Wade on the shoulder.

Wade smiled at him. “Wouldn’t miss it. I hear the wine’s good and the gossip’s better.”

Erik laughed before he got called away by someone. Charles looked at Wade warmly. “I’m so happy you two are back together. Logan was quite distraught without you, you know.”

Wade blinked. “Oh?”

Charles nodded. “Moped around. Could barely get a word out of him. He was lost without you.” Wade couldn’t believe it. Logan, who had always come across as unshakeable, lost without him?

Right on cue, Logan returned from coat check, pausing when he heard the end of the conversation. “Can I have my date back, please?” he grumbled, ears slightly red beneath the edge of his mask.

Charles smiled warmly. “But of course.”

Logan led Wade to their seats.. Dinner was a lavish affair, long tables with gilded runners, dishes that looked too expensive to touch, crystal glasses that sparkled under the light.

Wade sat beside Logan, trying very, very hard to forget the toy Logan definitely turned on twenty minutes ago.

He’d been keeping it low. Just enough to tease. Just enough to remind Wade it was there.

Then Logan’s hand slipped under the table, resting on his knee before he gave it a squeeze.

Wade turned his head slowly.

Logan didn’t look at him. Didn’t need to.

He turned it up a little more.

Wade gave a quiet squeak before swallowing hard and tried to pay attention to what was going on around him. Luckily nobody noticed the torture he was going through.

The charity auction started, giving Wade just enough distraction to pretend he was still functioning like a normal person while trying not to squirm in his chair.

Logan’s hand stroked up and down slowly, soothing. Warning.

“Next item up,” the announcer said, “a luxury ski retreat in Aspen. Five nights. Chalet included.”

“Ten thousand,” Logan called without hesitation, not moving his hand.

Wade squeezed his eyes shut. Of course.

“Do I hear eleven? Eleven thousand?”

A few more bids went around the room but Wade couldn’t hear them as he closed his eyes, trying not to rock his hips to get the faint buzzing where he wanted it to be.

“Going once—going twice—sold to Mr. Logan Howlett!”

There was polite applause.

And beneath the table, Logan’s fingers squeezed Wade’s thigh.

Wade turned his head, lips parted, eyes dark behind his mask.

Logan leaned in, murmured against his cheek—

“You okay there?”

Wade shivered.

God, he hated this man.

~~

Dessert was a blur.

Something with chocolate and gold flakes, probably expensive enough to warrant a museum display, but Wade couldn’t remember a single bite. Logan had given him a break from the toy for about half an hour, until literally when he went to put the fork up to his mouth.

Because Logan had turned the toy up to level three.

Which, apparently, was the “you’re going to forget how to hold a fork” setting.

Wade sat ramrod straight, one hand white-knuckled around his champagne flute, the other gripping the other, gripping Logan’s hand under the table. He gave up pretending to listen to the conversation around him about halfway through the soufflé.

He glanced at Logan, who looked, maddeningly, like nothing was happening.

Logan was sipping wine, nodding politely at something some socialite next to him said, and gently stroking his thumb along Wade’s inner thigh like he wasn’t also torturing him.

“You’re evil,” Wade muttered under his breath, teeth clenched.

Logan didn’t even look at him. Just smirked slightly, leaning back so only Wade could hear him and whispered back, “You love it.”

Wade was barely keeping it together. He turned his head and hissed, “If you don’t take me somewhere now, I swear I’ll climb into your lap and make this whole gala very uncomfortable for your family.”

That got Logan’s attention.

He stood slowly. “Excuse us.”

Wade followed quickly, too quickly, like a man possessed. He barely registered the polite nods and raised glasses as they made their way across the ballroom.

Logan took him upstairs, past velvet-lined halls, paintings, and and opened a door near the end of the hall.

Wade stumbled in after him, panting, desperate.

He didn’t even notice the neatly made twin bed, the dark wood furniture, or the framed sketches or posters on the wall.

He only had eyes for Logan, who had already tugged his mask off.

Logan turned off the toy.

Wade sagged forward with a gasp. “Why?”

“I want to hear you beg for it properly,” Logan murmured, locking the door.

Wade whined. “Fuck me, Logan. Please. I need it.”

Wade almost didn’t see him move.

He grabbed Wade and pressed him against the door, hands dragging his jacket off, teeth nipping at his neck, voice low and dark.

“You’re so worked up for me, baby. So good for me. Making those pretty little sounds while smiling through dinner like you’re not soaked under this suit.”

Wade whimpered, hands digging into Logan’s back, mouth open, eyes wild behind the mask he still hadn’t removed until Logan pulled it off.

He kissed him hard and messily, kissing him like he was desperate to taste Wade, to devour him.

He pulled back to pull Wade towards the bed, unbuckling Wade’s belt and tugging his trousers and boxers down before spinning him around and pushing gently until Wade was on his hands and knees on the bed.

Logan smoothed his hand along Wade’s thigh before smacking his ass. Wade laughed, a little breathless, before moaning when Logan did it again and the toy inside him moved a little.

“Logan, please,” Wade begged. He felt dizzy with how hard he was. Logan gently removed the toy with one hand while undoing his belt with the other. He pushed his trousers just enough to pull himself out and lined up with Wade's needy hole.

They both groaned in tandem as Logan pushed in slowly. He gave Wade a few seconds to adjust before he was snapping his hips like he couldn’t help himself.

Wade didn’t care where they were. All he cared about was Logan’s hands bruising into his hips, Logan’s mouth whispering how good he was, how tight, how fucking perfect.

That perfect, swirling heat built up faster than expected. When Wade came, it was with a cry into the bedsheets and Logan’s name leaving his lips in a broken moan. Logan followed behind him, before collapsing along his back, an arm wrapped around him.

As Logan held him close, still inside him, breath warm against Wade’s cheek, he murmured “I should bring you to more galas.”

“Only if I get to keep the mask,” Wade breathed.

Logan kissed his shoulder blade. “Keep everything. You’re mine.”

[fishfroggshasathermos]

(Inanimate Insanity ep 17 rant)(spoilers)what the hell was that episode what the hell was that episode oh my god oh my god ohm ygod SCREAMING

i clicked on it when it was 1 minute out and i SFDLGJBMNVKJFLDR'EJLDFKJG i had to pause like 10 times to just compose myself after everything this series is INSANE its making me INSANE NOW I KNOW WHY ITS CALLED INANIMATE INSANITY OH MYG OD OH MHY GOD WHAT THE HELL

like legit i was watching the new BURNER episode that came out just before i saw this one, and when i saw the crumbling of the show i was thinking to myself that 'geez i cant trust anything after ii' AND LOOK WHAT VID COMES OUT

im so grateful to the ii team for working on such an astounding show such as this, i truly cant believe its gotten this good and this deep. i became a fan when s2 was just starting out, and i have a lot of fond memories binging the series with my friend all throughout gradeschool. now im in highschool and i still love the show. i hope theres going to be more though !!! im really hoping to get a happy ending for all the characters, or at least some more closure if a happy ending is too much to ask for.

haaaaaaa... now that i got my primary freakout out of the way, maybe ill go ahead and talk about what i liked about this episode

such high quality production as always man like II has been really good when it comes to voice acting, animation, sound design, and im glad theyve been keeping it up

THE WRITING IS ACTUALLY SO GOOD NOW TOO LIKE WHEN FAN STARTED PIECING EVERYTHING TOGETHER I WAS LIKE THIS IS REALLY COMING FULL CIRCLE ??? THEY PLANNED THESE TWISTS IT OUT PRETTY WELL i really like that in a story, shows theyve got intention with their themes

and the themes of inanimate insanity oh man!! i really like the direction the object show community has been going on this sort of meta commentary on the show itself, like i saw when i watched ONE, so seeing inanimate insanity go so much deeper now is a treat

in a way animationepic is mephone?? we are mephone?? everyone watching and making this show is getting a kick out of these characters' drama for entertainment and thats what we found out mephone has done to make them in the first place.. of course we as real people dont hold that responsibiity over fake characters. (which is what cobs and mephone think and must have thought too).

its a show about what is real vs what is fake and ultimately seems to be showing us that the relationships you form with others, those friends that you care about, can never really be programmed or faked out. the contestants rebel against the game and cobs because they want to live freely and because they want to protect their friends. its this love for life and others that makes us all human (well might not be the right word in this case hehe).

I FEEL LIKE ALL THE CONTESTANTS' PERSONALITIES WERE SO WELLSHOWCASED IN THIS EPISODE like their reactions felt real and believable for this kind of news, and everyone got a moment even if small (box was in too!!) (i really wonder if that theory i saw about box being a 'killed' contestant is right-- it seems like there wont be enough time to fit that backstory in but if they make that confirmed that would be so hype)

finding out everyone's personalities were pre-written by mephone4 in the last episode was one thing, but actually seeing them scribbled down in writing was so SJDKLA shocking??? it really slapped me with the reminder that mephone was pretty much just a child who was lonely and made his own friends.. his backstory is something i think about a lot i feel pretty bad for him :((( also imagine being the contestants and finding out god is basically a traumatized four year old boy

for some of the contestants, their programmed personalities i expected: cheesy is unserious, goo is inconsistent, salt is a trend setter and pepper is a trend follower. but a bunch of them came as a really big shock to me!!!

i think candle's said 'must be needed'? actually that works for her arc in iii but its still dangg that was embedded into her..

baseball having 'always strikes out' made me sob cuz THATS why he always seemed to come up short, i always had a soft spot for baseball he seemed to try his best but never really got it right.. and now its cuz he was made that way?

AND SILVERSPOON'S????? 'thinks hes worthless' OH MY GOD this guy this one had a lil kick to it

and does anyone feel like suitcase isnt rlly a backstabber cuz i saw mephone4 put that on her paper, and knife calls her that too but when i was watching those episodes her actions felt less like back stabbing and more like standing up for herself, at least in my view. i could actually rant about suitcase for a lot longer because GOSH my girl does not deserve any of this! im a suitcase supporter for life shes genuinely so nice to people even if they arent well-liked if suitcase has 0 fans i am dead! and she did so well this episode, the dynamic and conflict between her and knife is always *chefs kiss*

the plot was plotting this episode, really felt well-paced and tense, it was really fun to watch the scenes keep bouncing between all these groups of characters and i think they balanced the moving parts really well!

the ending. that goddamn ending. mephone taking cobs' hand again. when cobs extended it i just knew in me phone's face that he was going to accept it. hes still pretty much a young child. only a few months (years now ?) old. hes going to follow his creator because thats the one thing hes been taught and commanded to do. he just watched his whole world crumble around him, everything and everyone he made to escape this man and his cruelty, and he's just going to come back. of course he is. what else could he do now? hes got nothing just like cobs said he would. hes just a child and cant do anything right, cant have any friends that stay and are real and are his own. (the themes of abuse are strong in this one OH MAN)

graaaaaahhh

im really only saying good things yall might think im js a glazer but honestly this show deserves to be glazed ON GOD i would rant more but im getting a bit tired maybe ill edit this when my thoughts plague me with more ii visions at night WATCH THE EPISODE (wait actually u probably did if ur at the end of this post) WATCH IT AGAIN

[geekyhistoriansunite]

Man Suang is a pretty good and solid movie!

Ok, putting out there. I got involved in Thai drama due to Kinnporsche the Series, no I have no shame about it. It was fun, it had good looking dudes, and even though it initially seemed over the top in acting effort, the actors started to flow into their characters better and it was a fun show. Kinnporsche had amazing behind the sceens stuff that actually got me interested in the actors, especially Apo and Mile, who are freaking cute together. But all good things must end and so did the series.

But then there was a ray of hope! A glorious teaser was released.

Please note: Absolutely none of this teaser was in the movie, which I find both exasperating because I love every bit of it and the music, but also hilarious, because they caught your attention.

Please note pt. : All the BL lovers from Kinnporsche were salivating hard and if they said they weren't they're lying liars who lie.

So attention was given. And it took a long while, but then they released on official trailer at the Cannes Film Festival! Oh shnap, we got some extreme legitimacy here. This was not going to be cheap film, this was going to be quality. And all the BL lovers are still crying in anticipation at seeing their boys back together again.

Please note pt. 3: We still have NO idea what this movie is about. Just have the visual, which are gorgeous and a couple written lines teasing, but still no actual plotline. That's ok, the interest is still strong.

And one thing Be On Cloud does VERY well, is know how to advertise and keep people's interests. And it finally releases almost a year later. And lots of people cry. Not because it's a bad movie, but because there's no blatant BL storyline. There are hints, teases, looks, but that is not the main storyline. People are crying online, they've been deceived, there's no BL!

Please note pt. 4 (I'm having way to many please notes): Be On Cloud NEVER said it was BL. It was inferred since both Apo and Mile were pared in a movie together and the fact that Bo On Cloud only had the one series with mega BL plotlines.

The only reviews I could read (In English, which is all I read. I know, I should try other languages but I legit have tried 4 languages and I just can't) mostly complained about the lack of BL storyline and that it was slow at times. No synopsis, no breakdowns. Full stop. I was sad. I kept checking on my tried and true Tumblr, which normally doesn't disappoint, but nada, bupkis. I was sad. Again. There was no release date I could find with English subtitles. Again, sadness ensued.

But finally, glory be, it was announced that Man Suang release on Netflix. Today. Yay! And after work I sat and watch it all, and here is my review...finally.

Man Suang is actually a pretty good movie. Most of my knowledge of Thai culture comes from BL shows, which helped a little but I did have to pause occasionally to look something up (the betal nuts for example) and I'm sure I missed a lot of things, but I got a pretty good understanding of everything. The pacing was a bit different from movies in the US, and that could be jarring, but I got used to it. Overall it was a good movie. I'd watch it again (which is a big deal for me, I watch once and then remind myself with fanfiction).

Thoughts (spoilers below):

Everyone was in a fucked up position. Except, Tiang, fuck him.

Khem: Sweetheart, just trying to take care of his friend. The finale probably fucked him up a bit. I like to consider Chatra comes back and gives him some comfort.

Please note (Please don't ask me what number this is): There's now going to be a BL series called Shine which is going to follow their relationship. See? Just had to be patient.

Chatra: Yeah, I'd be concerned if my father was a traitor and my whole family was going to pay for it. (On a side note: What is the Thai repercussions for that? Ancient China had death of the whole family for so many generations, but I'm not sure what they are in Siam.)

Wan: Baby...honey...that was fucked up. I get where you were coming from with your severe PTSD but trying to blow everyone up is not the answer. But I do hate that he felt betrayed by Khem.

Hong: Look at my sheltered little man turn into a Bossman! I see good things in his future.

All the aunties and women in the show: Couldn't have done it without you and I love seeing all of you. Especially auntie who put the mean boss in his place while trying to feed the two newcomers. (Boss: Don't flirt with my woman! Auntie: I flirt with who I want to, go sit in the corner until you're repentant! Boss: Yes, ma'am).

And finally: Absolutely gorgeous set design and costumes. Like, super wow. Loved it all! It was interesting to see the crossover of Thai and western design, like Chatra's suit and cravat top/traditional pants combo at the end. Jarring, but I imagine that time period was jarring with all the different influences happening as well. Much like the differences in hairstyles which helped you identify Chinese descent from Thai descent (using the Queue hairstyle instead of fully or partially grown out hair).

Overall, solid job on Man Suang, I recommend it to anyone who is interested in new cultures, pretty people, and just an interesting storyline.

[mental-mario]

My WONDERFUL Diagnoses

Hey friends! I hope you enjoyed reading about my experience in the mental hospital. Next time I will have to get myself thrown into solitary so I can recount what that's like as well! I went for a follow-up with psych the other day, and he threw a couple more diagnoses in my hat. I thought it would be fun, if you humor me for a moment, for me to list my ongoing disorders in alphabetical order!

Feel free to sing along and list yours in the comments!

Antisocial Personality Disorder (except for you fine folks!)

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

Binge Eating Disorder

Bipolar II ("can't rule out")

Borderline Personality Disorder

Cannabis Use Disorder (not a disorder!)

Major Depressive Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Substance Abuse Disorder

So looks like we're up to 10 and counting! I'm sorry if there's any of you I'm forgetting. I'll be sure to give you a shout out as well!

Now, onto my uber mega important review of SMB Wonder! It's late, but that is because it's far more prestigious than any of these so-called "professional" outfits!

I'm reminded of the phrase "an elephant never forgets," and Elephant Mario (or character of your choice) does indeed make for an unforgettable experience! Yes, this is another positive review, and if you happen to think the game sucks, you're wrong.

I don't think I have heard or seen a negative comment about this game, aside of some complaints about the frequency of the talking flower, but Nintendo did give the option to shut the voice off. For me, it isn't a big deal, and I actually enjoy it for the most part.

It really can't be said enough just how beautiful and vibrant this game is. The art is gorgeous, and the animation blows me away! I particularly love the different animations for entering/exiting the warp pipes, and I also love the attention to small details, such as the use of both hands alternating when throwing fireballs. The various facial expressions throughout the game also really help bring it to life.

If I had to provide any critiques, it would really be nitpicking. I guess maybe if Prince Florian could remind us about 100 more times that we can change badges by pressing R, maybe then I would remember...seriously though, I wouldn't mind having up to 6 players for co-op, some of the Wonder scenes are a bit repetitive, showing practically the same theme of effects in different courses. I might've liked more variety of power-ups, but again, nitpicking. I would also love to change the entire button mapping to suit playing with other controllers, but that's a complaint I have with many Switch games. I mean, why sell the retro controllers and make it so I can't use them?!

I love that the game moves so fluidly, even in multiplayer. I like that the game doesn't hiccup when a player dies, gets hit, or gets a power-up. I love that the game has accessibly easy courses for my kids to play along, but also some legit challenging 4 and 5 star courses for more experienced old grizzled vets like myself (not to mention the secret exits and courses). I also like the star rating system for each course's difficulty. It is also rather funny, and my family and I were hysterical plenty of times throughout the campaign. I think the piranha plant parade deserves its own spin-off!

Finally, I absolutely love the online mode. I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about it, but it really works. It can be toggled on/off with a quick pause of the game, and I think having shadows of other players only added to my experience. I would've liked to see some more emojis to communicate a bit more with others, but I am happy to see that I didn't experience any latency or slow-down with the online play. The heart point system for reviving players, sharing a saved power-up, and reaching the goal concurrently also makes for some nice feels, especially when playing solo late at night and feeling lonely while smashing a full family sized box of Pop Tarts. I regret nothing! I recall having one spot in particular where I was stumped and threw the question mark above my head, and someone else immediately ran over and mimed what I should do. It worked, and that was an awesome feeling! That and having someone else share a power-up with me made me feel like somebody cares and that I'm not alone, and I've actually been able to friend a lot of the players I've encountered!

In conclusion, you couldn't wipe the smile off my face while playing, especially in that first hour that I was playing it for the first time when it dropped at midnight, and putting that smile on faces is exactly what SMB is about. I've heard a lot of comparisons to Mario World. I don't know if I would go that far, but I do recommend playing the game with the SNES controller if you have it. That controller is still the best of all time, but that's for another post!

Please tip your blogger. My psychiatrist is worried about me, and I could use the help! Besides, I have to buy the family a new box of Pop Tarts! And be sure to friend me on Switch so we can play some online races and campaign together as well! I'd love to get a whole party going online. Then I can feel like I've got real friends while also being able to cater to my introverted ways and bounce if I need to! I'll try not to do that to you, though! It would be nice to play with each other for once, instead of the usual playing with myself...

Friend code is: SW - 4419 - 5159 - 3401

[benefits1986]

Venn Dee

When the Venn diagram goes beyond the usual pipeline, ano na?

I love Venn diagrams a lot, so let's try to operationalize it outside pipelines and timelines. EME. Hahahaha. Let's go!

John Venn, the man behind my staple, is surprisingly a very curious bard. Maybe, just maybe, he birthed this baby out of trauma and healing as an ex-Anglican clergyman. This babe is so packed as it visually represents the inclusions and exclusions of classes --very philosophical, very mathematical, very pakkkkk-q malala talaga siya. Huy. Ang aga pa, ayan ka na naman. LELS.

And so, what?

Let this be a super important and not urgent note to remind me that you are a walking Venn diagram I was not expecting. LUHHH.

You're like a Frankenstein and Lisa Frank (pero BnW and super basic) of the past encounters I had, so far. No matter how I try to water you down in the hopes of exterminating you, wala e. I've always been grappling with the thought of me being delulu na out of my character, but, you fit like a glove, love. Kimmmyyy.

Oks lang kasi 'di mo naman 'to mababasa unless I send you a link as a non-digital nomad lurker. Hahahaha. Che. We're not going there yet. Saka na. Sa tamang panahon at mood. 'Pag deserve mo na ma-serve. CHOZ.

I tried seeing your comparison chart with the past people and shemayyyy, you trigger me not because of the red flags, but, because you're exerting the effort to come through. Your past is crazy and napapailing ako at times because I did not sign up for this pero, the past does not matter. Not anymore. Hodor. Why so? Because you have this look, this vibe that is so calming. You feel like a sedative that soothes the hyper-independent, out-of-focus bitch that I am.

We've talked about a lot of my red flags as well, but all I see and feel is that you're okay with them, so far. Okay does not mean you're an enabler. Ikaw pa ba? Apaka boomer mindset mo e. Hahahaha. Okay means you can handle the shit stick that I have and those I do not have.

If there's one super stand-out moment in my book featuring you so far, that would have to be the way you told me: Baba mo kasi pride mo. Pride 'yan e. Syempre, as 'di papatalong Mulan na akala mo 'di pagod, I retorted with: Pride is my most favorite vice. Mamatay ako 'pag wala ako nun. You paused and you didn't attack me. I saw how you'd want to understand me, instead of easily judging me, which makes so much sense.

As a very logical and calculative person na chizmiz lover, I find it weird na you're still hanging by the moments. Yes, moments. Hahahaha. I told you so many times na baliw ka. I keep (and still at it) you at a very specific distance because I want to see how close you can get. Not because of pride alone, but because, as I told you, I am caring for you in the best and worst way that I can.

You're the first person who makes me feel seen without shame and guilt. Ako na rin 'to kasi dati ayoko talagang magkwento unless may sobrang lalang need to do so like a suicide attempt na legit ng kausap ko or a dying family member. Ganern. Lala ko talaga. Hahahaha. Guards up ba? Present!

My mental tally board is also up there, always, but this time around, I'm keeping notes of wins instead of losses. LUHHH. At times, I find myself berating my inner voices. Masyado na ba akong mabait or is it really just because you're simply a safe space through and through. And I am who I am today, because I knew you? Kimmmy.

Side Note: My two best friends tell me na need ko pa bumait pero slugging na me, for the first time in forever. Kadire.

Buti talaga, this shit space is nowhere near any search results. LELS. And I'd like to keep it that way. Eyyyy. Baka mamaya, maging amfeeee ka kahit alam ko naman, you're always "wala lang 'yun" na sentient being.

Still in that chapter na baka naawa ka lang sa akin or bored ka lang or challenged ka lang, atbp. Lalalalalala. So, baka naman nga ganun e.

I AM NOT EASY and SO ARE YOU.

As aging millennials, you and I are on the cusp. You and I have a lot of alignments and negotiations to down. Hahahahaha. Shet. Sana kayanin mo at kayanin ko. Sana mga ego natin e maoverride ng mga very basic yet complex life truths kasi sobrang hilig mo at ko sa fallacies at pabebe. Hahahahahaha. Pero, it is what it is. And I'm entertained. LOL.

No pressure. Just let things be. Just let things happen. However, I really have to learn patience and unlearn pride, my most deadly sin. And ikaw naman, 'wag mo masyadong seryosohin lahat-lahat. Mag-enjoy ka rin. It's gonna be a wild, wild ride ahead. Kapit lungs. LUH.

Question: Could you and I defy gravity, for realzzz? Abangan!

[landoflowrs]

I think I underestimated the consequences of a diagnosis. I was legit thinking that almost 3 decades (I'm aging ouch) fighting against myself because everyone around was telling me BOTH that I was "a normal kid", and also too-sensitive, too messy, too this and too that.. I thought everything would be just vanishing after the diagnosis and I would just be happy and ready for life just like when you flip a coin. I wasn't ready.

All of this made me feel I genuinely was just crazy and something was off with me, that I was broken and dumb.

But no. I'm not. I don't need to be fixed and I'm slowly but surely processing that info. It'a very hard to tear this pattern of my brain because it's been so deeply engraved in me for decades as I said earlier. It's hard to part from the limiting believes, from the toxic programs my mind has been polluted with.

I feel like a soldier who fought during all her life in the fog and had been hit by all sides without understanding anything.. Suddenly it's all clear sky and sunny. It's not dark anymore. And I'm lying on the ground, all exhausted from a lifetime battle I don't need to fight.

It's like a relief sigh of a warrior who needs well deserved rest. Like, my body is telling me to slow down, it needs to slow down and it's aching to feel more present and here, and now.

This is more like a self-note, a self-reminder, to force myself to note and release those feelings, and also force myself to pause and look at what I've survived to and done for myself.

Lando's been helping me a lot since years now. I'm not going to talk about how much I love how he advocates for mental health awareness, nor how much I love the kind and sweet human he is. Seeing him thriving to stay himself, be loving and kind in his sport. How he's struggling with the same things as I do, probably more and very differently but still, he shows how human he is, how a man should be, how we all want men to behave to other people and with themselves. He really is a source of warmth and motivation for my heart. (I did talked about how what I like about him.. I got carried away as always..)

I just got my adhd diagnosis, combined type ; right before Lando finished p1 in fp1. I know it's not the race but all these emotions.. it was like fireworks in my heart.

I cried so much because I've been struggling all my life with anxiety and symptoms I totally ignored it could be adhd. And now it all makes sense.

I'm not broken or crazy, or lazy, or "too sensitive", emotionally unstable. I'm just different. And it's okay.

Take care of yourself, spread love 🫶🧡

[livingoutloudstuff]

Scrolling till the end of time....

As of late, my life has become totally unmanageable to me. Maybe not to God, the force, HP, however you want to call it. But I find myself going to work and waking up scrolling for hours, I mean HOURS, because I just don't know how to do life right now. Right now, I have no answers to anything, and it's concerning me. For example, I have this student loan debt that I've had since I graduated college, and all these years later, it's still unmanageable. My health situation is unmanageable, I'm worrying about my rent going up in Oct when his mom comes back, like all these things....so I don't want to eat or get out of my bed in the morning. I'm training for a second restaurant job and I have no idea who my true friends are. I'm understanding that I need to bounce my ideas off of people and I need people in my life, but it's not working with the support system I have. Or maybe this is showing me that I can do this alone? Well, clearly not since this is bothering me so much I can't get out of bed and I can't really feed myself all that well. So, what do I do?

I can leave the city.

I can work 2 jobs, stack up my money, not think about my ex.

I can think about my ex, and be alone.

I can spend every waking moment staring into space.

Here's the thing, I'm trying to keep my nervous system in check and all I'm doing is back to eating stimulants and pastries, complex carbs, things that chill me out, cause I'm like at 100 internally all the time.

So the student loan, I want to explain what happened.

I graduated in 2008, with I guess an archaic version of student loans called FFELP, which is a type of loan that had a 3rd party lender (kinda reminds me of those scalpers or 3rd party people that buy tickets and then jacks up the price for music shows, but whatever), and in 2010 they created Direct Loans, that are directly from the government instead (which is why I always wondered why my sister had "better" loans than me). I say that because my loans didn't qualify for the pause during the pandemic and also has a variable interest rate (which the person helping me had never seen before). So yea I graduated with 7 different loans, 4 private and 3 federal. I have spent the last years paying off the private loans and in 2 years, I will be officially done with those. And now for the past couple of days, I've been dealing with how to handle these loans because: recently 2 of my loans jumped from @2-3% interest to 7.7% and that made me take a deep dive into how to fix this, which is how I found out about this whole mess anyway. Between paying student loans, rent and looking for work, I have been a little bit of a mess, also I can't seem to shake off my life that was, being in a relationship for almost 5 years. So lots of numbers and very little time for fun, it seems. Ok, back to these loans. Between 3 people, I was able to get so much clarity on my student loans: so what I had to do was consolidate my loans to Direct and re-apply for an IDR(F) repayment plan, because the IDR plan that I was on may or may not qualify for the forgiveness after 20 years, because maybe I was not on the right plan? That part is still unclear, though. I have to wait and see the number for next year. So this last person helped me get that in order and I legit cried when that was all done, because here was a person who actually was trying to help me and I am so grateful. It's not like I am not trying to pay my loans, I am an actor, an artist, I have always worked multiple jobs, I've lived with my family and now at my age, it would be nice to live alone - and I still have roommates. My friend says to me why am I not famous/successful like the other people my age are like yet, but I don't know, I'm literally trying to do all the right things in my life. I'm trying to keep a steady head in a chaotic af world, I'm trying to handle these loans that I had for decades at this point, I'm trying to stay healthy so that I can keep doing what I love and that is another thing I'm working on. And so, I have a lot on my plate and yet, someone will take one look at me and say I'm not doing much, sometimes that even comes from my own family. It hurts sometimes to not feel like people really get you. And I guess I'm understanding that maybe it's not for them to get. It's for me to get.

I hope that none of this makes sense. I hope that I have a ton of run-on sentences and all those things I was believed to be wrong from teachers. Because look at me, I'm here in NYC and working my life away it seems, I'm not eating well and I know I need to go to the grocery store, but I literally do not want to get out of bed. I don't want to push myself, I don't want to see the world, I just want to hide and I know that's not the right answer either, but I def feel stuck and I want to feel like I can work and still accomplish my health goals and artist goals and life goals and travel....but right now I'm not doing that. Right now, I've been catapulted to how life was before. And I do realize what I'm doing is not long-term the best for my health. I got all these books to read and maybe what I will do is take a shower, go to a cafe and read before my training shift.

It's really important for me to have people around, but maybe I'm just not really getting what to do. I'm going to put it in the God jar and maybe meditate for a minute.

[nonotnolan]

The Best of Both

Dedicated to my Valentine, the lovely @mergeman

--------------------------

The fact that I was still trying to work out at the gym a few days a week was a testament to my sheer stubborn force of will. Now that my college days were now several years behind me, it was becoming painfully obvious that I was growing more and more out of shape. So, I decided to join the massive throng of people who made a resolution to work out more in the New Year. Most of the New Year's Eve crowd had given up a few weeks ago, but I refused to let myself become part of a failure statistic.

Which, while that did feel something to be proud of... I really wasn't changing any other part of my lifestyle. I was still eating ramen for lunch and dinner almost every day, my daily food intake was completely devoid of any fruits or veggies, and... well, I wasn't sure if protein shakes were legit science or just overhyped consumerism, but I wasn't buying any of those, either. I showed up, played around on the equipment for a few hours without really breaking a sweat, and then called it a day. I was going through the motions without actually putting in any effort, so of course I wasn't going to see any results.

Honestly, at this point, I think the only reason I was still going to the gym was the amount of free eye candy. Now that the machines were less crowded, the gym rats were free to return to their natural habitat. The beefcakes were completely oblivious to my wandering eye, which allowed me to consume as much eye candy as I desired. Budget-Jason-Momoa was my favorite, but Almost-Tom-Holland-With-Wide-Shoulders was a close second.

And then there was Greg. Well, I have no idea what his real name is, but... I call him Greg, because he reminds me of a guy I knew back in college. He looks looks nothing like Greg. This guy has dark brown hair, a full beard, and massive pecs that were practically the size of my head while my Greg was a five foot nothing skater boy with long, blonde hair. And yet, this guy wears a headband that looks exactly like the one that my Greg used to wear all the time.

"Take a photo, it'll last longer," Greg said, flexing an arm in my direction. He smiled at me, clearly taking my attention as a compliment.

"I am so sorry!" I said, immediately dropping my gaze to the floor. He would be the first person to notice me staring at his amazing body. "I, uhh... it's just, that headband. You remind me of my friend Greg."

Whatever answer he was expecting, he clearly was not expecting that. He paused, fumbling with his water bottle for a few moments before seemingly making a decision. "Follow me," he said, gesturing with his massive hands. He sauntered off toward the back of the gym, where the employee's only cleaning closet was located. Where he was going, I had no idea. But I knew enough about myself to know that if I didn't follow him, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

Greg wedged himself into the closet, standing on top of the mop drain and ducking slightly so that his shoulders cleared the shelves of cleaning supplies. "I know it's a tight fit, but the door has to close behind you," he said. I obliged, standing on top of the vacuum cleaner to do so. Even if this was an elaborate prank, I was standing close enough to him to feel the heat of his body, and the pungent smell of his sweaty body brought all four and a half inches of my manhood to attention. Greg pressed against a portion of wall, there was an audible clicking sound, and then the entire closet started to move. "Yeah, it's an elevator," he said, correctly reading the look of confusion on my face. "Trust me, Bennett, it's only going to get weirder from here."

I had never told him my name. "You really are Greg," I whispered, staring up into his eyes.

He smiled back at me. "For the most part. The old Greg was merged into Keaton's body, and I am the result. I'm about 80% Greg's personality, with the 20% being habits and mannerisms from Keaton. Physically, it's probably closer to 90/10 in Keaton's favor. The perky nipples are all Greg, though," he added, winking at me as he lifted an arm to fondle himself through his muscle tank.

Once the movement stopped, the wall behind Greg slid away like an elevator door, revealing a dimly lit metal room. The center of the room was an elaborate tube contraption that looked like someone had tried to turn a tanning booth into a Science Fiction movie prop. There was some sort of control console off to the side that was displaying a gallery of men on its screen. "Go ahead, pick a body," Greg said, gesturing me over to the device.

"Every man you see listed there has been screened for compatibility with the program," Greg explained. "They're all single, muscular men in peak physical condition. They also think they're agreeing to try out an experimental intelligence boosting drug. Which... in a way, I guess they are. I may not have much of Keaton's personality, but I do have complete memories from both of my former selves."

"I choose him," I said, after scrolling through a few of the other men. There was something about him that felt right. He looked confident, but in a way that suggested a quiet smug behavior and not an in-your-face cocky attitude. I found myself instantly drawn to his wide shoulders, and his eyes were captivating.

Greg looked over my shoulder and smiled. "I see you've chosen Travis, that's an interesting pick. I can't guarantee what you will look like once the merging process is done, of course. You won't keep the same tattoos, I can tell you that right now. Still, I'm sure the new you will be just as charming as he is intelligent."

I could feel my cheeks turning red at that comment, but I decided to ignore it. "So... what happens now? I mean, he's not actually here, right?"

"That's right," Greg said. "So, we're going to run the machine on you first, and it's going to convert you into a... a liquid, basically. We'll also notify Travis that we're ready for the experiment to begin. When he enters the machine, he will be injected with the liquid we made out of you, and... at the end of that process, the new you will be finalized. I know it sounds like a lot, but I promise that it isn't painful in any way."

I nodded, feeling equal parts nervous and excited at the thought of becoming merged with a muscle hunk. "I'm ready," I said, looking over at Greg.

He just laughed at me. "No, you're not. Clothing interferes with the process. You gotta get naked first, then you'll be ready."

"Oh. Ummm... can I at least get some privacy?" I asked, suddenly painfully aware of my still-raging erection.

"You can't," he said, with a wide grin. He grabbed the waistband of my gym shorts, and pulled both my shorts and my boxers down to my ankles. "Besides, I already know that you're happy to see me," he said, reaching around to give my shaft a quick squeeze. "If the new you is also gay, maybe we can have some fun later."

I let out a brief, involuntary moan as a shiver of pleasure rushed up my spine. Well, at least things couldn't possibly get more awkward. I quickly shucked off the rest of my clothes, and stepped into the modified tanning booth. The lights flickered on, and soon all I could hear was the loud hum of the fluorescent lights. My skin started to feel unnaturally warm, and pretty soon I could feel my consciousness slipping away as a peaceful, calming sensation overtook me...

--------------------------

The first memory that I have is lying naked on a medical gurney with a massive headache. Moments ago, I had been standing in a tanning booth, except that moments ago I was also sitting on this medical bed thing getting an IV hooked up to my arm. I reached up to feel my hair, which was now trimmed to a short buzzcut. It wasn't different from my short blonde hair. It was a big change from my long brown man bun. My ink changed, but the designs were inspired by the trip to Japan I took after high school. I hated that trip, but it was a family vacation. I always wanted to go to Japan, but travelling just for anime would have been stupid. I glanced over to the mirror to check out my new body. The amount of muscle I grew was almost insane. Honestly, I think I lost a bit of definition, but I can probably get it back. I must have spent at least a half hour examining my new body.

You get the idea. Even now, I'm still occasionally seeing things that trigger conflicting memories from Bennett or Travis, but the first few weeks were the absolute worst. I'm glad that I had Greg at my side to help me through the worst of the merging sickness, as we called it. I've had migraines before, and this was definitely worse somehow.

Unlike Greg, I didn't really feel a loyalty to either of my former selves. I decided that my name would be Benjamin. Like if someone took Bennett's name and made it popular. No one expects a civil engineer to look this good, but it's made climbing the career ladder so much easier. Especially now that I actually want to go fishing with the boss when he invites me out to the lake.

I haven't been back to that gym in several months-- too many conflicting memories, so I just use a home gym setup instead. Greg still goes a few times a week, though. After all, he's still helping the owner find good candidates for merging. I find it weird that Greg still has to pay the monthly membership fee despite being an employee of sorts, but I don't complain. He's the only reason I exist, after all.

Besides, we're dating now. Greg had told me-- both of me, in fact-- that if the new me was gay, we would have sex. Travis thought it was a joke, Bennett decided it was an offer he wanted to redeem. Turns out I'm bisexual. It's a good thing I took after Travis in the manhood department-- Greg can no longer fit my entire shaft in his massive grip. My new 8.5 inch cock is bigger than either of my former selves had before. I'm not sure how that works, but I'm also not about to complain and neither is Greg.

[chokiipng]

Hay fever : Genshin various

a/n : suffering from seasonal allergies isn't fun . so instead of trying to do school work, i'm gonna write hcs to make myself feel better

character(s) : Xiao, Diluc, Kaeya, Albedo, Childe contents : fluff with a bit of crack (my specialty) + : reader has really bad seasonal allergies

Xiao :

he doesn't really understand tbh

he plays it off as a common cold at first and entrusts you with Verr, much to her annoyance. he didn't realize the true severity of the situation until a week had passed.

he's heard of seasonal allergies before, so it's not like he was entirely clueless, he just didn't know how to go about treating it.

because of this, he turned into a big ball of concern for the entirety of spring

he asked everyone he could for help, even that ginger haired harbinger (to which he had no clue since he basically lives on an iceberg)

this also happened to peek Zhongli's interest, who then took him to Bubu pharmacy to learn more. it took Xiao about 5 different interrogations to actually visit Bubu, he cursed himself internally for not checking there in the first place

of course, Baizhu laughed it off and informed the both of them on how allergies work, how they're triggered, and how to prevent/soothe them

if you sneezed/sniffled, he was immediately by your side with a tissue and some water. itchy eyes, he had a small bottle of eyedrops for you courtesy of Dr. Baizhu and Qiqi

it was amusing to say the least, watching a feared Yaksha running around frantically in order to soothe your allergies

of course, he soon picked up that it was because you went outside every goddamn day to complete commissions and to pick flowers for who knows who (Qiqi, you often found yourself picking herbs with her because who could say no to that face?)

he legit locked you in your room at Wangshuu Inn and did your commissions for you. he didn't want you in any pain, so he stayed with you when he finished all of his tasks

he didn't isolate you though, but if he takes you out he makes sure you take your allergy medicine (given by Qiqi, ty bby) and that you have a mask on

Diluc :

he never really experienced hay fever, but he knows the gist of it

he's heard stories of it from customers of the Angel's Share and was immensely grateful to the Archons for blessing him with immunity to seasonal allergies

but he wasn't prepared to catch you practically sneezing your guts out one morning

Diluc drops everything, much to Adelinde's horror, and orders for a box of tissues and water immediately. he whips out the blankets from under the couch that he knew you hid and props you on some pillows he fluffed in a panicked rush

the maids watch with a nervous chuckle as he runs around the mansion, completely forgetting about his shift at the Angel's Share and his nightly heroic duties

as soon as he calms down from the initial shock of how hard allergies hit you, he asks you how your feeling and if he can do anything

the next day he asks Donna (who stutters at his mere presence), who mind you is an employee at the Floral Whisper, since Flora isn't there herself about hay fever. he figured that people who worked at a flower shop would know about allergies caused by the pollen produced by flowers

he brings back medicine that you've been instructed to take daily as to lessen the affects of your allergies

despite his day duties, he offers to take up your daily commissions during the days you are physically unable to do them or just does them of his own volition

he trusts that the maids will take care of you in his stead

in the mean time, you're allowed to roam the city as you wish, but that's about it. he threatened Lawrence and Swan that they would feel the wrath of retribution if you stepped foot outside the city

Mondstadt was a land of eternal springtime, there was no way in hell he was letting you out of the city without his supervision

while all of this may be a bit much, he makes sure to let you know that this is just him caring for you. he doesn't want to seem overbearing and trusts that you know what's happening to your body and how to treat it

Kaeya :

he laughs at your demise

what did you expect ?

but he really is worrying on the inside

he makes sure to check in with Barbara just to make sure that you're not suffering from a lethal disease

once he knows that they're just seasonal allergies, (almost) all his worries subside and he sighs of relief

he notifies Jean beforehand (but sometimes forgets), he works considerably less during the time of your allergies since he doesn't really trust anyone else to take care of you

he also doesn't drink as much, surprising, he knows

he refrains from bringing you flowers as he usually does and instead spoils you with unnecessary affection

Kaeya doesn't worry as much since he puts faith in you that you know what's going on in your body. since they're seasonal allergies, he realizes that you must've gone through this before and know how to treat it

since you can't really cure it, you just act more cautious in the outdoors

he often accompanies you on your daily commissions and such, just to be sure that your okay. he takes over the moment you pause to sneeze or itch your nose even once

aside from this, he's the other reason why your allergies are unbearable

once they're all done and over, he teases you relentlessly about how reliant you were on him when in reality it was him doing your tasks of his own volition rather than you asking him. you told him several times that you could handle it, but he persisted nonetheless

he's more reasonable during your hay fever, and despite his unnecessary comments, you find it endearing

Albedo :

he is among the few men who are actually calm during the situation, but since when is he not?

he probably already has a remedy for you that greatly lessens the affect of your allergies

but even without it, he trusts that you know how to handle it

the only factor in here that would cause chaos-

is Klee

once Klee hears you sneeze all hell breaks loose in Albedo's workspace

she runs around everywhere looking for tissues and then ends up bringing Mondstadt's entire supply, which you and Albedo laugh nervously at

once Klee calms down, you explain the bare minimum of hay fever, which she manages to understand

while he has faith that you can treat it yourself, Albedo still recommends that you stay inside more rather than going out exploring and looking for chests, to which you sheepishly comply

Jean cannot thank you enough when it comes to Klee's behavior during this season, as Klee tends to spend more time at home with you and Albedo once you finish your commissions so that "you don't feel lonely!"

she even drew you a picture to show how much she cared!

if you can't sleep at night because of your allergies, Albedo (who is probably still up working) will gladly allow you to indulge in his studies or to just simply read with you until you fall asleep

he too is also happy that you managed to tame Klee

Childe :

this man has no idea what the fuck hay fever is

need I remind you that he grew up in the land of perpetual winter, hay fever doesn't even exist to him. unlike everyone else, he hasn't even heard of the concept

so when you hold a finger up during your weekly sparring, he pauses with a curious tilt of his head

he screams in horror as you sneeze out all of your bodily fluids not once, not twice, but three times

Childe calls off the spar and cradles you in your arms as if you're about to die

it's until he rushes you to Baizhu in a panicked frenzy that he realizes that its...a fever?

now Baizhu is a patient man, he had to raise a zombie child who basically loses her memory each time she wakes up and wields a sword/cryo abilities

but he was getting tired of Childe's endless questions quick.

Childe shrieks as the normally passive pharmacist slams his hands down on the counter with a sickeningly sweet smile

he ceases in his questions, apologizes for bothering him, and races back to the Northland Bank in a cold sweat

it takes you explaining it in a calm voice for him to finally understand it

and he takes this very seriously

while he knows that it's seasonal and that you've gone through it before, he can't help but worry for you

he coddles you, and he doesn't relent even if you tell him

he slaps a mask on you, takes away your fighting privileges, and even order his subordinates to keep an eye on you at all times

that is if he's not already

he clings

he's attached to you

he just wants you to feel better, and you appreciate it, but it can get a little too much sometimes

and while you do tell him this, the same situation happens every year when spring comes around and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Baizhu can't catch a break from the rowdy harbinger

[takamikeiigos]

Okay I know made an ask already like 2 days ago🙄 but what if hawks s/o had to fake their death on a mission for like a month or 2😮‍💨 and when they come back the first thing they do is look for hawks even though they’re tired, beaten and look like complete shit😩😩 I’m just such a sucker for these kind of tropes !!!

Also how’s ur day been :))

ayo i got you fam!!!

this was legit all i could think of for like 3 days so i hope it's okay!!

Title: "You Came Back to Me"

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences (for now)

Relationships: Hawks x Reader

Tags: temporary character death, violence, drinking as a coping mechanism (minor on hawk's part), emesis

Word Count: 2.8k

Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3

You look up at the villain who currently has you pinned to the floor, your ragged breaths leaving your mouth with every rise and fall of your chest.

His vibrant green eyes are piercing as they stare down at you, his expression wicked and merciless as he presses his foot harder against your throat as a warning.

"Here are your options, darlin'," he pulls his foot away, instead opting to sit back on his haunches. He brushes your hair from your face and rests his hand on your cheek. It makes you flinch and your breath hitch.

"You either find a way to dissappear, or I'll track down that precious little birdy of yours and take his wings for myself."

○ ○ ○

- three weeks prior -

"Let me come with you. Please."

"Kei.." you say softly as you back the rest of your necessities in your bag, finally turning to look at him.

He's on edge, you can tell by his posture. His wings are drawn tight to his back, but his feathers are puffed out. It reminds you of how hair stands on end and goosebumps make them selves known under fear and stress.

"You know I can't.."

"This is too much for one person to handle." His arms are folded across his chest now as he leans against the doorframe of your shared bedroom.

"You don't think I can handle myself?" The words leave your mouth sounding offended, and he instantly deflates.

"That's not what I meant. If you didn't know what you were doing, you wouldn't be working for one of the top agencies in Japan." Keigo steps forward, now in your space, and you can see a faint trace of fear flicker across his face. "I just.. this man is very dangerous, y/n. And if anything happens.."

"Hey. It'll be okay. It'll only be a month and I'll be home before you know it. I won't let anything happen, I promise." Your hand falls against his cheek and he nuzzles into it, both of his hands coming to rest against your own.

"You promise?" he asks quietly, needing one more confirmation that you'll be home and safe in a couple weeks.

"I promise."

○ ○ ○

"Have you made your mind up, sweetheart?" Kimura, the man who has had the utmost pleasure in beating you within an inch of your life, asks. He slams you against the brick wall of the alleyway one more time for good measure, his hand wrapped firmly around your throat.

"Please.." you gasp out, your hands coming to wrap around his wrist, trying to relieve the pressure against your larynx. "P-please promise me you won't hurt him, that you w-wont lay a hand on him.."

He chuckles darkly, tossing you aside onto the cold, dirty floor of the alleyway.

Your vision is blurring, slowly darkening at the edges, but you manage to see him move a few feet away, bending down to pick something up off the ground. You blink sluggishly and suddenly he's in your space once more, holding the object, which you soon realize is your phone, in your face.

"Go ahead, songbird. Give him one last goodbye."

You cringe at the abuse of the nickname that you hold so dear, but weakly reach out and take your phone from his hand, Hawks' number already dialed.

All you had to do was hit send and that would be it.

You close your eyes and rest your head against the brick wall, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. You can feel tears burning as they make themselves known, clinging to your eyelashes and not yet falling to your cheeks. You blame it on the amount of pain you're in, but you know the true reason is because you're absolutely terrified.

You press send.

As it rings you notice Kimura bringing out his own phone, holding it up and aiming it in your direction.

What a sick bastard.

"Baby bird!" Keigo's voice comes cheerfully from the other line. Though it warms and calms your senses, it still makes you sad knowing that he's completely oblivious to what's about to come.

"H-Hey, Kei.." you try your best to keep your voice steady, but the damage from excessive force to your throat is unforgiving and the words leave your mouth sounding raspy and distant.

"Y/n, where are you?" Keigo's voice drops an octave and you can tell his worry has set in, which was exactly what you wanted to avoid.

"I'm okay, just uh," you pause mid-sentence, your throat tightening around the words as tears threaten to spill again, "just got knocked around a lil bit."

Your laugh comes out bitter. You hate the sound of it.

"Y/n. Tell. Me. Where. You. A-"

"Kei, listen. I need you to know how much I.." your voice betrays you and cracks, and you suddenly find that you can't fight the overwhelming fear and sadness coming over you. You weakly bring a hand up to wipe at your battered cheeks, tears continuing to fall and mix with the grime and blood that covers your skin.

You try again to steel yourself, another deep breath falling from your lips shakily, making your lungs rattle. It's becoming harder each second to keep your eyes open and your mind focused, but if you make it through this one phone call, you know you'll be able to rest easy.

"I need you t'know how much I love you. 'N that everything's g'nna be fine. That you'll be okay. And to not c-"

Suddenly a gunshot rings out and your whole world stands still for a split second, before turning completely sideways.

You register warmth blossoming over your abdomen, spreading and soaking your hero uniform. You can hear Keigo frantically yelling from where your phone slipped from your hand and landed on the concrete next to your head. And the last thing you see is Kimura holstering his gun with one hand, tapping away on his phone with the other.

"What a shitty ending for a hero, don't you think?" Kimura grins down at you.

Yeah. What a shitty ending for a hero.

○ ○ ○

The quiet trickle of water finds its way to your ears, and the feeling of something cold and damp against your forehead is a soothing contrast to how hot your body feels.

Opening your eyes feels as though it takes half of whatever strength you have left, and your vision swims. Suddenly hit with a wave a nausea, you lean over and vomit over the edge of the bed you're laying on. Luckily there's a bucket on the floor, and you assume it was placed there for a reason.

That someone placed it there.

In a panic you sit up, your wounds pulling tight and your body protesting. Your vision swims again and it takes you a few moments to ground yourself.

"Ma'am, please don't move too fast. You'll re-open your wounds and you're already in bad shape," a quiet voice projects throughout the room. You look up and notice an older man, probably in his sixties, sitting in a chair next to the bed you're currently occupying.

"Who are you? Where's Kimura?" You grit out, grabbing the edge of the blankets and tossing them off of you. The man in front of you is ready for your attempt at escape and he places steady hands on your shoulders, pushing you back onto the bed.

"Please! My name is Daichi Tanaka, I am a doctor! I found you in an alleyway near Higashiosaka. I would have taken you to a hospital but you begged me not to," the man pleads, his hands persistent on your shoulders.

You glare at him momentarily, before relaxing back onto the bed, still weary of his intentions.

"Kimura? Is that the name of the person who did this to you?" The man - Tanaka - asks hesitantly.

You ignore his question in favor for asking your own, "How long have I been out?"

Tanaka stares at at you, seeming to contemplate answering, but you figure he finally realizes you aren't taking any shit because his answer comes out with a sigh.

"A little over a week. You've been in and out, your fever finally broke this morning."

Over a week. You've been out for over a week and you don't know where you are, where Kimura went, and where Keigo-

Keigo.

It all comes crashing back to you and you lie back, your hands resting over your eyes.

Tanaka seems to have been reading your mind, because he pulls your phone from the nightstand next to you and passes it over.

"I wiped as much blood from it as I could. You have many new notifications and quite a few missed calls. I wasn't able to unlock it to call anyone, but it seems there are many people worried about you." Tanaka stands then, making his way toward the bedroom door.

"I will give you some privacy for now, but expect me to be back in twenty minutes to check up on you."

With that, Tanaka leaves, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

You stare down at your phone, the screen cracked and a few specs of blood and dirt tucked into its crevices. You type your pin in and pull your notifications up, Keigo's name amongst others filling the screen.

You don't realize you're crying until a small hiccup forces its way from your mouth, your cheeks wet with tears.

You notice a voice-mail from him, and though you know it's only going to make you more upset, you force yourself to open it to make sure he's okay.

His voice floods the room and it immediately breaks your heart at how wrecked he sounds. You can tell he's been crying by how gravelly his voice sounds as the message plays out.

"You know," Keigo laughs bitterly over the phone, "I punched Ryosetsu in the face for letting you go on this mission alone. Gave 'im a real nice shiner on your behalf."

The message goes quiet and you can hear what sounds like a glass bottle being opened in the background, Keigo's quiet sniffles also making themselves known.

"Fuck, y/n. They didnt even.. they didnt even find your body. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that, huh?

"They wouldn't even let me anywhere near the scene, I had to sit back at the office while they kept me informed. He said there was uh.." you assume Keigo pauses to take a swig of whatever he's drinking based off the tink of the glass bottle, "heh, he said there's a low chance you're even alive because there was so much blood. Fuck."

You grimace at how blunt he is with the statement and how distant his voice sounds. You can only hope that he hasn't been drinking as often as your thoughts are telling you.

"Please come back to me," he whimpers over the message, and a new wave of tears fall down your cheeks. "Please.. I can't do this without you."

○ ○ ○

A few days pass.

Tanaka refuses to take any of your shit.

He most definitely refuses to let you leave until you had one more solid meal in you, and one more day of rest.

You're still a little weak, bruises and abrasions littering your skin ( not to mention the nasty bullet wound Tanaka managed to sew up for you ) but you finally have enough strength to stand and walk on your own.

He pleads with you to stay one more day, just to ensure you're strong enough to be by yourself, but you shake your head and bow before him.

"Thank you, Mr. Tanaka, but I have to keep moving. It might be unsafe for you if I stay."

So instead he writes down his phone number on a crumpled piece of paper and hands it to you, patting your hand briefly.

"You're a strong one, just be sure to take care of yourself." He smiles kindly at you, and you nod before taking your leave.

○ ○ ○

Days go by as you hop around from town to town, only stopping for food and rest.

It's been a little over two weeks since you made the decision to distance yourself to ensure the safety of your friends and Keigo, and nearly two months since you were assigned the mission. While you knew faking your death was the only way to keep people from asking too many questions about why you suddenly disappeared, you weren't expecting to actually get shot and almost die.

You keep up with the recent events as best as you can, continuously watching news coverage and especially keeping tabs on Keigo's agency.

Your breath catches in your throat one day while you're moving through a rural seaside town, large red wings and a familiar hero uniform immediately catching your attention.

A flood of emotions run through you and it takes everything in you to not run up to him and hold him. But the fear of Kimura's prying eyes hold you back, and you steadily remind yourself that you're doing this to protect him.

You keep your distance and watch his every move. He's staring down at his phone for a while and after a few moments it rings. He brings it to his ear and though you can't hear what he's saying, it must be something important.

Because soon enough his wings are spread out and he's taking flight into the afternoon sky.

○ ○ ○

'Pro-Hero Hawks makes appearance in. Tanabe - finds lead on hero killer'

'Hanamatsu hero case still under investigation'

'Top Hero Agency in Japan pursuing hero killer - Kimura'

The news headlines on your phone cause your blood to run cold. How foolish of you to think Keigo would let this go so easily.

To think he wouldn't trace every piece of evidence and go to the ends of the earth to take down someone who hurt you.

○ ○ ○

You keep tabs on him as best you can. It begins to feel like you're stalking him, in a weird way, but you'll be damned if you did all of this just to put his safety on the line.

Keigo stays in Tanabe for the time being, the week passing by in a blur as you track his movements.

You figure Kimura went into hiding since his criminal activity fell flat after your encounter with him, but Keigo is as persistent as he's ever been, nitpicking every lead that comes his way.

A few days later word gets out that Kimura has been spotted in the village of Hidakagawa, just thirty minutes northwest of Tanabe.

You only hope you can get there before Keigo does.

○ ○ ○

Hidakagawa is exactly what you pictured, a perfect little town for a low-life criminal to live under the radar.

Its quiet and rural, its occupants living their lives happily tucked away from the bustling life of the city.

A few squad cars rush past you as you look at the map you have pulled up on your phone. It seems a little out of character for such a small town, so you push yourself forward and follow them.

○ ○ ○

When you finally catch up to the squad cars, the scene before you makes your hair stand on end.

Keigo has Kimura pinned to the ground, battered and bruised, his fist closed around a one of his feathers that he's currently wielding as a blade. A few dozen officers surround the scene, guns drawn and on edge.

Kimura smirks up at him and whatever he says is out of earshot, but its enough to piss Keigo off and send him into a frenzy.

"Kei, stop!" You find yourself yelling shakily. You finally manage to push through the barricade of officers and it's then that Keigo makes eye contact with you, his closed fist halted in the air.

Kimura takes the split second of distraction to knock the blade from Keigo's hand, flipping their position so the winged hero is pinned to the floor of the temple. He pulls out his gun and cocks it, pressing it to Keigo's forehead.

All the while Keigo keeps his eyes on you.

"I thought I told you to stay away, little one," Kimura grits out, wiping a trail of blood from his mouth, "Now it looks like your little hawk is about to lose his wings, all because someone can't listen."

You move on impulse when Kimura turns his attention back to Keigo, and you grab the handgun from the officer closest to you.

You waste no time in firing a bullet, hitting Kimura right in the temple. But as it strikes he squeezes the trigger of his own gun on impulse, which is still trained on Keigo, a second round going off.

- to be continued -

tbh i was super nervous to post this bc im so new to the fandom but here we go!!

also i just made up random characters bc im not quite caught up with the manga, and also picked random spots in japan that i know absolutely nothing about

rip to my writing skills lmfao

♡ ky

[vishwaspur]

phir wohi kaanton ka safar     wohi p h o o l o n  ki gali.

[refinedbuffoonery]

Looking Through A Window (5)

macriley married undercover au

masterlist.

Admittedly, this is kind of a filler/transition chapter, but I have big plans for this story, and I’m really excited for y’all to read what happens next. Expect an update every weekend this month! 

*****

The nightmare sinks its claws deeper as Mac tries to dislodge it. He knows it’s a dream, and Mac tosses and turns as he grapples for control of his mind. 

The images in his mind persist. He's back in the Sandbox, but this time Bozer is with him, and Bozer's dying from a bullet wound before Mac can carry him to safety. Mac's had the dream a million times, and it always ends the same way. 

I know you won’t let me die, Bozer says. But seconds later, his eyes turn glassy when his soul leaves his body. 

Mac’s throat closes, cutting off his oxygen supply, and for a moment he thinks he’s going to follow Bozer into the afterlife. 

It’s just a dream. He’s just lucid enough to remind himself of that. Wake up, Mac commands his body. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. 

The nightmare won’t let him. 

Suddenly a different set of claws grip Mac’s shoulders, and the voice ordering him to wake up isn’t his own. He tries to jerk away, but the claws dig in. 

Not claws, Mac realizes. Hands. Slender ones, with long fingers. Nails biting into his skin through his worn t-shirt. 

He knows those hands. 

“Wake up,” Riley hisses, and it’s enough to finally yank Mac from his dream. Mac’s eyes snap open, automatically scanning his surroundings. The bedroom is pitch black, but Mac can just make out Riley kneeling above him, her tired face twisted in concern. Her hands are on Mac’s shoulders, but not pinning him to the bed like he first thought. Her touch is light, and her thumbs make gentle sweeps across his collarbones. Mac’s own hands find Riley’s forearms, but he doesn’t push her away, nor does she lay back down. “You okay?” she asks. 

Mac tries to play it off. “Yeah, bad dream. That’s all.” It’s a bit of an exaggeration, considering that he’s drenched in sweat and the final and most disturbing seconds of the dream are lingering longer than the rest. He knows it’s not real, but Mac can’t quite shake the sick feeling. 

Riley exhales, and Mac finds himself mirroring her breathing automatically. Sliding a hand down to her wrist, he presses two fingers into her skin, feeling the steady thrum of her pulse. It’s faster than he expects. 

Almost as if in explanation, Riley says, “You scared the shit out of the dog, not to mention me.” 

Mac winces, feeling guilty. “Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” Slowly, Riley releases him and lays back down, leaving plenty of space between them. Mac misses her touch the instant she lets go. “Want to talk about it?” 

That throat-closing feeling returns as Mac contemplates what to tell her. Part of him wants to share, but a bigger part hesitates when the explanation dies on his tongue. “Not really,” he finally says. 

“Okay.” Riley says, pausing. “You’re wide awake right now, aren’t you?” 

This, at least, he can admit easily. “Yep.” 

There’s another long pause, filled only with the soft sound of their exhales. Just when he’s about to tell Riley to stop worrying about him and go back to sleep, she says, “Come here.” 

Mac stills. That weird tension still lingers between him and Riley, causing awkward silences and stilted conversations. So this…this is unexpected. 

He shouldn't. He really shouldn't. But, her voice is soft and reassuring, and who is he to turn down a free opportunity to cuddle with the woman he loves? Even if it might be a mistake. 

As soon as Mac scoots across the bed, Riley pulls him into her side, guiding his head to rest on her non-injured shoulder. Riley’s side of the bed isn’t nearly as warm as his, but her body is soft and Mac likes how they fit together. Mac can’t help but sigh in contentment as Riley lightly scratches his scalp, and he lets an arm settle over her waist. They’ve fallen asleep together plenty of times over the years, but she’s never held him. Not like this. His heart pounds at the intimacy of it all. 

But as Mac slowly starts to relax, the pulse in his ear doesn’t slow like it should. Because it’s not his heartbeat he’s hearing. 

It’s hers.

Does that mean…?

“So,” Riley says, breaking the silence. “It’s later.” 

The realization feels like a slap to the face. That’s why her heart is beating so fast. Not because of their close proximity, but because it’s later and there’s still that unresolved thing hanging between them. Mac’s fleeting hope that Riley’s racing pulse meant something else is nothing more than a fantasy in his head. 

Swallowing his disappointment, Mac starts, “Riley, I really am sorry—” She cuts him off. 

“Stop. You don’t need to apologize again. I forgave you the first time.” Her fingers sweep behind his ear, making him shiver slightly. “It’s my turn.” Riley takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry for not listening to you. Like, really listening. Your concerns are legit, and I shouldn’t have brushed them aside and followed Matty blindly.” 

Oh. 

“I hate this situation just as much as you do, and I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise.” Her voice catches slightly. “Also, I lied to you this morning, in the car. I knew I needed to apologize. I just didn’t know how to say it yet.” 

Pointedly ignoring the intimacy of the gesture, Mac brushes his thumb over her ribs in a way he hopes is reassuring. “It’s okay.” 

Riley tenses beneath him, and Mac freezes instantly. “It’s not, but thanks for saying that anyway,” she murmurs, relaxing again. Her fingers resume their path through his hair, catching on the occasional tangle. 

Mac doesn’t know how to reassure her that it really is okay. So instead he confesses, “Sometimes I hate this job.” 

She’s quiet for a few long seconds before responding. “Me too.” 

It’s weird voicing it aloud. They’re all painfully aware of the downsides to the job, but rarely does anyone directly mention it. Maybe Riley is on a similar page as him after all. 

Mac questions, “Are we doing the right thing? Playing along and letting innocent people get hurt just so we can take down the whole organization at once?” He needs to know her answer…needs confirmation that this whole op isn’t just one massive wrong choice. 

“I think the good we do outweighs the bad,” Riley says after a few moments. “At least that’s what I tell myself so I can sleep at night.” She shifts, and for a brief, exhilarating moment, their hips press together before she pushes her knee uncomfortably into his thigh. Mac squirms, trying and failing to find a good position, ultimately taking a chance by slotting his leg between hers. Riley inhales sharply, but she doesn’t push him away. Mac tries not to read into it. Lying like this is intimate and intense and yet so easy. So right.

Mac pushes the heady feeling aside, ignoring the way it crackles in the background, threatening to consume him. They need to have this conversation, without distraction. Even welcome ones. 

“Riley, we helped them kill people,” he says, and Riley’s hand stills in his hair. 

“We can’t save everyone, Mac." 

The thrumming in his body stops so quickly Riley might as well have dumped a bucket of ice water on him. 

His heart cracks as she softly repeats, "We just can't." Like maybe she's breaking her own heart too by saying it. 

He wants to kiss her chest—to press his lips to her heart in an attempt to soothe the ache there. 

Mac understands all too well. It’s not the countless lives they have saved that stick with him, but the few they couldn’t. Zoe, the researcher who drowned in the Arctic to save her students. Jill, who fell victim to one of Murdoc’s murderous games. Charlie, who sacrificed himself so Mac wouldn’t have to choose between saving his friend and saving hundreds of innocent people. Lasky, the nuclear plant engineer who was just doing his job. Mac’s father. His aunt. Jack. 

Riley clears her throat. "So, yeah. I think we are doing the right thing. It just sucks.” 

Mac agrees, even though he can hardly admit it to himself. But there’s still one thing he doesn’t understand. “I don’t get how Matty seemed so okay with all of this,” he says. 

“Come on, Mac. You know Matty hates this just as much as we do. She wouldn’t ask us to play along if she didn’t think it was necessary.” Riley’s fingers resume their steady, sweeping path through his hair, and Mac takes comfort in the gesture. 

He sighs. “You sound like Jack.” 

“I learned from the best. Don’t tell him I said that,” Riley warns, but Mac can hear the smile in her voice. 

He tilts his face toward the ceiling, imagining Jack looking down at them from whatever afterlife he found himself in. “You hear that, old man? She admitted to learning something from you.” 

Riley snorts, giving Mac’s hair a sharp tug. “Oh shut up.” She means it to be playful, but it sends a bolt of desire through his body. 

It’s too much, with her hand in his hair and their bodies intertwined, and the intimacy may very well burn Mac alive. Every nerve in his body goes on high alert, and his grip on Riley’s rib cage tightens automatically. 

“Sleep,” she murmurs, clearly mistaking the tension in his body as coming from somewhere—anywhere—else. Riley is one of the smartest, most perceptive people Mac knows, and yet she has no idea how he feels about her. Maybe that’s a good thing, he reasons. It’s easier that way. Less complicated. 

Although full-on front-to-front cuddling isn’t not complicated. 

It doesn't take long for the gentle pressure of Riley's fingers to win out, and Mac melts into her touch, letting his body grow heavy. Sleep beckons, and his eyelids flutter shut of their own accord as Riley wraps her free arm around his back, pulling him closer. Again, he thinks she feels like safety. 

In his last moments of consciousness, Mac mumbles, “I like this,” before drifting back to sleep.

*****

For the first time, Riley is already out of bed when Mac wakes, and he’s positive it has something to do with the fact that he’s still on her side of the bed. 

Cuddling with her was a mistake. Even if it led to the best sleep he’s had in a long time. 

Burying his face in Riley’s pillow, Mac takes a deep breath. It smells like her. He hears the front door open and close, and then Riley’s muffled voice fills the apartment. Mac can’t quite pick up what she’s saying, but he thinks she’s on the phone rather than talking to Harley. 

Suddenly getting up seems like a daunting task. 

Not caring if it makes him a coward, Mac stays in bed, taking the opportunity to study the bedroom decor. This is day nine of the op, and before now Mac never bothered to appreciate the work someone put into setting up the safe house. It’s too modern and minimalist for his taste, but he has to admit it looks nice. The bedroom walls are a soft light gray, with a handful of paintings of different sizes and framed photos of him, Riley, and Harley scattered throughout. More of the photos Bozer took are in the hallway, but Mac’s never given those more than a cursory glance. 

Across from the bed sits the single, expensive-looking dresser, with overstuffed drawers that don’t quite shut all the way. One of Riley’s drawers is completely open, and the t-shirt she wore to bed last night hangs haphazardly over the edge. 

Mac’s eyes catch on the photo sitting on top of the dresser, beside the plant he keeps forgetting to water. It’s one of the wedding photos, and it’s the only photo Mac has really paid attention to, since he stares at it every day while getting dressed. The photo is of Riley and him slow dancing, and she’s looking at him like he hung the moon. And he’s looking at her the exact same way. 

More than anything, Mac wishes it was real. 

The bedroom door creaks open, and Mac cranes his neck to see Harley’s fluffy head peek through. She doesn’t enter. Instead, Harley watches him cautiously, almost like she wasn’t expecting him to be awake and is now unsure what to do. 

Mac pats the mattress. “It’s okay. Come on.” When she doesn’t move, he adds, “I’m sorry I scared you last night.” His apology must be enough, because Harley jumps on the bed with him. She stands between his outstretched legs as Mac rakes his hands through her fur, scratching her butt the way she likes. “How about I get you a new toy to make up for it?” he asks. Tail wagging, Harley licks his face in approval, and Mac laughs. “I’ll take that as a yes.” 

Riley raises her voice—she’s complaining about something, although Mac still can’t determine what—and both Mac and Harley turn their attention to the sound. 

Harley looks back at him, and Mac starts to think that he wasn’t far off the other day when he noticed Harley playing protector. He smiles softly. “Go check on her.” 

Harley jumps off the bed immediately, surprising Mac when she glances back at him on her way out the door. 

Still smiling, Mac gets up to start his day.

By the time he emerges from the bedroom, Riley is playing fetch with Harley in the living room while she’s on the phone. Surprised the call has lasted this long, Mac raises his brow, silently asking who she’s talking to, and Riley holds up a finger. One second. 

While he’s waiting, Mac wanders into the kitchen in search of breakfast. 

Riley’s next throw ricochets off the wall, and the tennis ball hits Mac’s thigh. “What do you mean he’s not in the database?” she shrieks. “Bozer, practically every criminal in the world is in that database.” 

Mac freezes midway through unwrapping a muffin. 

Riley pinches her nose. “Then run the sketch through the DMV database. The guy who tailed me has to exist somewhere.” 

He swallows. “Tailed?” 

“Hang on, Boze. Mac just walked in.” Exasperated, Riley moves her phone away from her face. “I took Harley for a walk while you were still asleep, and some guy tailed me. Don’t worry, I lost him long before returning to the apartment.” 

Mac bristles. Riley had been in danger, and he was asleep. Why didn’t she tell him where she was going? He tries not to think about all the bad things that could’ve happened. “You think this guy is part of the Patriots?” 

Shrugging, Riley says, “That makes the most sense. But it’s hard to know for sure when we don’t have personnel records.” 

That’s just one of many problems with this op—no official list of known members of the Patriots. Mac and Riley have no choice but to learn about people the old-fashioned way. 

Pinning her phone between her cheek and her shoulder, Riley retrieves the tennis ball from under the couch, her voice muffled as she asks, “Got anything, Boze?” A few seconds later, she groans, but Mac can’t tell whether it’s because of Bozer’s answer or the amount of hair now stuck to the visibly soggy tennis ball in her hands. He makes a mental note to vacuum again. “Thanks for trying,” she says before hanging up. 

Treading carefully, Mac asks, “Well?” He doesn’t need to be a genius to know that she’s still rattled, no matter how much she tries to downplay it. 

“His name is Peter Morrison, and he has three speeding tickets. That’s it.” Still holding the tennis ball, Riley’s shoulders slump as she sits on the arm of the couch. Confused why she stopped playing, Harley stands between Riley’s legs and whines, nosing Riley’s hand in an attempt to get her to throw the ball again. 

When Riley doesn’t oblige her, Mac asks, “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” Riley says, but her voice is tight and she bristles when he moves closer. He knows she’s lying—they’ve both been lying a lot recently—but what Mac doesn’t understand is why. He knows why he’s lying, but why does Riley still feel the need to hide how she’s feeling from him? 

It’s like the intimacy of last night never happened. 

Mac takes the wet, hairy tennis ball from her hands and throws it for Harley. “Do you want a hug or help kicking someone’s ass?” The question earns him a small smile, one that makes Mac’s heart flutter in his chest. 

“I was thinking more along the lines of punching someone in the face, but I suppose we can kick them too,” she quips. Mac laughs, and the corners of Riley’s eyes crinkle as her smile widens. 

“Sounds like a plan.” Harley brings the ball back and drops it at Mac’s feet. “Last throw,” he tells her, knowing full well it won’t be. Turning his attention back to Riley, he asks, “How’s your shoulder?”

Absent-mindedly, Riley’s fingers trace the outline of a bruise peeking out from beneath her tank top. “It hurts. You grabbed it in your sleep last night, and I almost screamed.” 

Mac grimaces. “Sorry.” He wants to ask about last night and make sure they’re okay, but the words refuse to form. “I’m going to call Conrad and make him explain, okay?” 

“Okay.” Riley nods. For a second, it seems like she wants to say something more, but she ultimately doesn’t. Honoring her implicit request for space, Mac briefly squeezes her arm as he walks away. The gesture is a promise: I’m here.

*****

“This is unacceptable,” Mac growls at Ethan, later that day. After giving Conrad an earful over the phone, apparently Mac made a big enough fuss to warrant a visit from the leader of the Patriots himself. They meet in public—neutral ground—at a park not unlike the one across the street from Mac and Riley’s apartment. It feels wrong to use the term safe house, since it’s not as safe as they thought. 

“I’m sorry you feel that way, James,” Ethan placates. “It’s simply standard business procedure. I’m sure you researched us before formally offering your services.” 

Mac barely stops himself from making a face. Oh they researched the Patriots, all right. “Of course we did.” He really should do a better job of holding his snark at bay, but Mac lets it tint his words anyway. “But we didn’t invade individual members’ privacy or threaten anyone’s personal safety.” 

“My employee did not and would not have hurt your wife. She was never in danger, I can assure you.” 

“And how was she supposed to know that?” He’s borderline yelling, but Mac is too pissed to care. The more Ethan tries to convince him the situation is okay, the more Mac wishes they were closer to the playground so he could strangle Ethan with the chain from the swings. He snarls, “Explain that to me.” 

Ethan, it seems, is at a rare loss for words. Mac waits, forcing the other man to fill the silence. “I suppose she wouldn’t have,” Ethan finally admits, although he shows no sign of backing down. 

Mac stands. “Don’t let this happen again.” He starts to walk away, content with having the last word, but Mac stops dead in his tracks when Ethan calls after him. 

“If you won’t comply with the way we do things, then I guess we’ll just have to find someone else.” 

Mac spins on his heel. “That’s bullshit,” he spits. “You need us. You won’t find anyone better, at least not that you can afford, and we both know it. Your organization is small potatoes right now, but with our support, the Patriots could join the big leagues. So it’s up to you to decide whether you’re content with throwing your money at a pipe dream or if you want to actually accomplish something.” Ethan is taller than him, but Mac manages to look down at him anyway—something he learned from Matty. “The choice is yours. Let me know when you’ve made it.” 

Without waiting for a response, Mac shoves his hands in his pockets and walks away, praying he didn’t just ruin the whole op.

.

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[calciferstims]

lmaoo got real clever with the emojis there!

no worries! take your time answering, not like im being any quicker myself lol.

the only pirate theme thing im sort of watching on and off that has me sort of interested is one piece. lmfao yep animooo! i legit dont really watch anything else but anime aha. go watch it you too! it only has over 1k+ episodes and counting lool.

LOL...3 TIMES as long? damn. what the hell was going on? give the masses the fucking deets or something. 😅 "I have no idea what con o’neill was doing but I know what he’s capable of" pff LMAO 😂 what if that was what he kept doing? just going awkwardly as long as he could ooooo daddyyyyy and he just couldnt help himself? OOOOO...PAAAAAAAADREEEEE. shiver ma timbers!

AHA WHAT??? was NOT what i had thought it was going to be, okay okay i legit thought it was going to be..uh...sexier? lmfao its just what i had in mind. when he was done he legit looked like he came to his senses loll.

israels whole wiki is a tad bit...weird. it's not really able to state time of death or location either, which may be understandable? its kinda funny how izzy is portrayed as a 55 year old when apparently israel was like....in his 20's or something. lol...

i wish there was a capybara emoji tbh! now that'd be litty titty.

honestly i was kind of waiting for you to maybe realise that "hol up...is this the same person?" and then boom, ye did haha.

hope ye having a good day too and have enjoyed your weekend!

sorry dumb as all hell but what do you mean with him holding back?

~🐨

ok I hi I took ten years again sorry 😔 imma start putting the rest under the cut bc I don’t wanna shove my long ass replies on everyone’s dash all the time 😅

ohhh one piece???? Ok but like. It feels funny to me that I have definitely heard that name many times and yet somehow still have ZERO clue what it’s actually about. Like actually none. Net zero information. You could literally give me any random, made-up plot of the show and I would be like ‘yeah sure that checks out’. I would have no way of knowing otherwise 😂

AND YEAH EXACTLY. I WANNA KNOW WHAT TF HE WAS DOING. PLEASE RELEASE THE FORBIDDEN TAKES LMAOODHF

ok so you saying ‘ooohh padre’ is SO cursed but it just reminded me of something even fucking worse I found recently 😔😔 I actually thought ‘oh I NEED to show 🐨 anon this IMMEDIATELY’ SHDGHHF. It’s a fucking. The f. The French dub. Of that scene. It’s so fucking bad. It makes the original scene feel like a pleasant dream with how embarrassing the French version is by comparison. I found it at like 3am at night and had a breakdown. please share my pain.

LIKE WHY DOES HE FUCKING SOUND LIKE THAT. WHY. I HATE IT SO MUCH PLEASE SHDHH IT TOOK ME SEVERAL TRIES TO MUSTER THE STRENGTH TO VIEW THE WHOLE THING I KEPT PAUSING IT LMAOO

and on that note DGDGH PLS. NO IT IS NOT SEXY. not one bit it is thee most embarrassing scene ever. he’s a humiliating little man. I love him. He’s so dumb.

and yeah that’s very much what I’m talking about when I say I wish we knew more about him!!! Like…. Israel Hands was rlly walkin around being a PIRATE at my age????? Like I’m pretty sure Blackbeard gave him his own ship when he was like, 17, which is just wild to me. Who was he…. I must know….

damn we do need a capybara emoji ur so right…. Somebody get on that 😤

and to answer your question!! I just… I know con o’neill and I feel like he could do something much worse than the daddy scene if he wanted to 😂😂 he has so much weird horny freak power contained within him…… you don’t even know…

Honestly I WANT him to do something worse in season 2. I want him to outdo himself. I think he’s capable of it 😌

[luxekook]

THE SEVEN || prologue

⇥ pairing: ot7 x reader

⇥ genre: supernatural au with action, angst, smut, and (trace amounts of) fluff

⇥ summary: a series in which the reader fights to survive, attracts a powerful group of demons, and causes general mayhem in a post-apocalyptic new world

⇥ word count: 1.5k

⇥ warnings: nc17, *this fic has scenes of graphic violence*, demons, bloodshed, anarchy, general apocalyptic things, cursing, eventual poly relationship, a made-up language, hints of desire to own, brief mention of abuse, an attempt at world-building

⇥ beta reader: heathy @shadowsremedy​​ - thank u so much!!! i was holding off on beginning this fic for so long, and you really helped me move forward! uwu<3

Prologue

The world has completely gone to shit, I think to myself as my blade slices right through my opponent’s eye. The responding roar of the crowd reinforces that thought as the lifeless body slumps to the ground.

Removing my bloodied knife from the man at my feet, I stand, exhaustion kicking in after yet another adrenaline-fueled fight. Gazing out at the surrounding crowd of humans and demons, I narrow my sights on tonight’s guests of honor – the seven demons who would decide if my performance was deemed worthy enough of payment.

Raising my chin in defiance, my eyes meet those of the pompous greed demon of the Ahgase Seven. Lim Jaebeom lounges on a provisional throne flanked by his six brothers. Their combined beauty is ethereal but leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. 

How is it that creatures so prone to evil can be so lovely to look at?

After glancing briefly at each brother, I finally make eye contact with Jackson Wang, the Ahgase’s pride demon. He inclines his head with a satisfied smirk, simultaneously permitting my payment and ordering my swift dismissal.

The callous disregard of my efforts never fails to ignite a familiar burn of fury within me. I fight to the death to earn a week’s worth of food and shelter, and all I get is a fucking nod in response? Complete and utter bullshit if you ask me.

My teeth grind together as I give the slightest and stiffest bow possible in the Ahgase Seven’s general vicinity and stalk out of the Pit. Reminding myself that I actively choose this fate never really helps, given that the alternatives are equally as shit – if not more-so.

Basically, since the planet lost three-fourths of its population in the Reaping, the old capitalistic way of the world is no longer. Now, the main ways to survive deal with what you have to offer as a resource – your body, your skill, your labor, your loyalty. I choose to fight because, for me, it’s the soundest option.

My prior life had been sketchy at best. I had taught Krav Maga, a form of aggressive self-defense and reflexive fighting, to teens and young adults. I also had used Krav Maga (and other more nefarious methods) on abusive parents or guardians, bullies, or romantic partners - the very reasons my students came to my classes.

My resulting ambiguously gray background probably had influenced heaven and hell’s decisions to leave me behind. Still, killing hadn’t come easy for me in the beginning, but now it seems like second nature. In this new era, there are no rules, no moral codes, no winners, no losers. There are only survivors.

And I’ll be damned if I am not one of them.

Last year, the Reaping left us all in chaos and confusion. The supernatural had become natural. Heaven took those deemed worthy and let Hell deal with the rest. But, as it turns out, Hell was just as picky.

For a few days, demons ruthlessly reaped millions of humans and dragged them below the earth. And then the reaping stopped. The humans that remained were left with burned cities, abandoned homes and a complete absence of law. They were a ruthless bunch with questionable backgrounds and ambiguous morals. It honestly made sense that they were left behind – myself included.

The short period after the Reaping brought with it a general mayhem which resulted in looting, fires, and general destruction. The remainder of society was bare-boned, with only the richest areas having luxuries like running water and electricity. I referred to this time period – the lull before the demon Sevens took over – as the pseudo-Hunger Games. I legit had to pull a full Katniss Everdeen in order to stay alive during those two weeks.

Then, finally, the demons rose again.

The demons that rose were power-hungry and desperate to prove themselves worthy to rule over the New Earth. They looked human until you got too close and felt the negative energy that emanated from them. It's almost a built-in warning for those lower on the metaphorical food-chain not to get close to a source of potential harm.

By possessing a demon of each sin category, Sevens were able to bond together and max out their powers. Often, Sevens took on courts and consorts to siphon additional power, but my intel on demons was mostly built on speculation and rumors. The general consensus seemed to be that humans joined demon factions because of the promise of protection, food, and other resources. However, no one usually survived leaving a faction led by a Seven once they had declared fealty.

I vowed to never willingly enter into a Seven’s territory. My freedom and independence were the only things I had left to hold onto. And that was how I ended up in my current situation as a fighter in the Pit, the rough, man-made arena where fighters battle to the death for winnings while the audience bets furiously on their selected victor. No one had bet on me at first, but they learned quickly.

The Pit’s existence sprung out of desperation for distraction. Humans and demons alike needed some form of entertainment away from the monotony and death embedded within everyday life. Located within the Neutral Zone, the Pit provided humans the ability to earn a living and to make a name for themselves. Those that fought in the Pit were only lower on the human totem pole to the Pit Master and to the merchants in the Neutral Zone. Below the fighters were the scavengers, the workers, the peasants, and the lost.

Marching towards the exit gate, I nod to the next competitor to enter the arena – it might be the last I’d see of them. Pit Master Agra greets me as I step through the gate’s threshold and finally out of the public eye.

“Good work,” she forces a smile that only looks like she’s in pain, “But, next time make sure there’s more blood.”

I say nothing.

Agra takes my silence as acceptance and jerks her head at the empty hallway, indicating my second dismissal of the day. “You have one week until your next fight,” she predictably calls as I make my way down the tunnel towards my makeshift room located in the fighters’ dorms.

I wave a hand carelessly behind me in a sign of recognition. Damn, what I wouldn’t give to challenge her in the Pit.

Pausing outside my room, I struggle to unhook my necklace that held my key. The blood on my fingers still has not fully dried, and I grow increasingly frustrated. I just want to bathe, goddamnit.

“Allow me,” a deep voice purrs from behind me. I shudder as two hands suddenly brush my own away from their hold on the necklace. Warm fingers brush the nape of my neck as the sound of a slight inhale meets my ears.

Fuck, I hope this person isn’t smelling me because I am almost certain the combination of sweat and dried blood is extremely unpleasant.

“There,” the voice rasps, “All done.”

My necklace is gone from my neck, and I turn to retrieve it from whoever just assisted me.

“Oh, fuck,” I hiss, taking in the demon before me. His teal hair is wild and reminiscent of a blue flame. His black eyes are large and slanted, fixed on me with a peculiar expression I just cannot place. His clothes are expensive. I peer closer, inspecting the intricate details on his patterned top. Was that Versace? 

In this economy?

His arm extends to mine. My necklace dangles from one finger carelessly. “Here, mì shaìà (my pet).”

“My name is (y/n),” I grab the necklace and shudder when our fingers brush for a split second, “Not Mishaeya.”

The demon smiles. It’s large and boxy and completely predatory. “(Y/n). Mì shaìà. It doesn’t make a difference.”

Am I missing something? 

“Listen, demon-dude, I just killed someone like five minutes ago. Can you stop being cryptic and just tell me why you’re lurking outside my room?”

“Ah, yes,” he stalks closer to me. My back hits the door to my room. He licks his lips, “I was watching you. You are quite the fighter, little one.”

“Little?” I glance down at my thick and well-muscled self, “Mhm, okay.”

“Are you not scared of me, mì shaìà?” His hand cups my chin, thumb darting out to wipe some blood from the shallow cut across my cheek.

“Should I be?” I front like my heart isn’t beating out of my chest.

“Yes,” he smiles before sucking the droplets of my blood from his thumb. “Surely someone as exquisite as you should need protecting. I’m surprised no one owns you yet, (y/n).”

My back straightens, “No one owns me. No one ever will.”

The demon’s head tilts as he silently studies me for a few moments. He looks like he almost wants to say something before he steps back and bows. “Sleep well, mì shaìà. I will be seeing you again.”

I gape as he walks away from me. A thought strikes me. “Hey!” I call after him, “What’s your name?”

He answers without looking back or breaking his stride, “V.”

a/n: i made up Deìthi, the language that the demons use in this story. i will keep a running list of translations at the bottom of each chapter as well as putting initial translations in parentheses following the first usage of the word.

Deìthi (The Language of Demons) Translation List:

Mì shaìà - My pet

© luxekook. please do not repost, modify, edit or translate.

[someoneintheshadow456]

I started playing Valkyria Chronicles and idk if this somehow means I’m bad at games that aren’t Fire Emblem or Pokemon, that I really need to get used to the gameplay, or if this game really is hard but...

I don’t think I should be struggling this badly on the first few chapters. Like in the Bhrul section where the tank comes I was like “WTF?! Where do I go????” and couldn’t read the map and was dying several times. I had several characters die during a skirmish on easy mode and had to restart. And during the bridge mission I made a mistake of putting an engineer on the river side (the captain lady told me to!!!) and then my lancer guy ran out of ammo when the tank came.

It’s strange because even when I was new to Fire Emblem I got into the swing of things very quickly. But here I found myself actually intently listening to the tutorials like a classroom lecture. I actually had to pause several times to grasp what I was being told. There were even times when I didn’t understand before and restarted just to hear it again.

I love how the continent is just Europe but with magic minerals and this whole conflict is just fantasy WW2. The strategy here is more intelligent than Fire Emblem also I think because it’s more modern and you have machines, etc instead of just swords and magic.

The dubbing is FANTASTIC. I think after being used to the current style of “just like the Japanese” or “let’s put 2010s american political references in for no reason” dubbing stuff like this is a breath of fresh air. I’ve noticed video game dubs are still awesome but anime dubs began going bad after 2016.

But there’s that one gay character in the game who hasn’t aged well AT ALL. Like he basically has that “what straight people think gay people sound like” voice - think the Office Homophobe skit by Key and Peele. It’s so jarring especially after Fire Emblem which has Leon who is more realistic.

But the story is where this game really shines. I expected a walking cliche storm but I was pleasantly surprised.

The main characters are in their 20s and 30s instead of dumbass teenagers. There are dumbass teenage characters but they’re all supporting cast and it’s lampshaded that they’re kids.

When I first saw Alicia think Welkin was a spy I was like “oh great another tsundere who is going to have an antagonistic relationship with the hero until the end.” But I was pleasantly surprised when she not only ISNT a tsundere she also *gasp* said sorry and had a friendly relationship after and immediately started working together. Now when they eventually become a couple it’s ACTUALLY going to feel good.

I thought the adopted sister was going to die in the beginning because that’s usually what happens in these stories, but she not only lives at the end, she also kicks ass in her own right.

I also love how the lancer guy and Rosie aren’t pure and wholesome even though they’re the good guys. They’re racist towards the adopted sister and get mad when the nosy journalist harassed Welkin for an interview which gives some complexity to the heroes side.

I noticed there was a character called Aisha and thinking “why does she look and talk like a kid” and checked her bio. *John Mulaney voice* There... is a 12 YEAR OLD in my army! No! No! Child please go to the bench and stay there forever I don’t care how high your stats are! I am NOT putting a child on the front lines!! There’s a reason why I never used Ricken in FE Awakening and it’s the same reason why I never will use you!

The captain lady is my favourite character hands down. She kind of reminds me of Professor Mcgonnagal but younger and less sarcastic. I think she’s the reason why I didn’t get bored to death when listening to the tutorial (She should get her own side game?? Screw Welkin I want to know more about her!). I genuinely felt sad for her when that army guy came in and started putting her down (and also wanted to kick his teeth in), and when she was upset about the mission. If some kind of twist happens and she turns out to be a bad guy or dies my heart will legit break.

Also why does her bio highlight that she’s 35 and unmarried? Considering her personality, looks, voice, and accomplishments I find it VERY hard to believe that nobody took an interest in her. I imagine after the war so many men and women will be tripping over themselves trying to get with her.