#Life Changing Lessons

[idiomagic]

Things I Have Learned By Somehow Surviving To 55 Years Old -- It is actually ridiculously easy to say 'I'm sorry'. Doubling down in a panic, trying to prove you're 'right', loses you friends and makes everything worse, every time. -- Life goes by in the blink of an eye. Don't waste your time on stupid bullshit. Discourse, internet arguments, fighting over useless details... are just going to roil you up, make you miserable, and that time can be better spent doing anything else. -- There is no One True Way. If you're convinced that your 'praxis' or whatever is the only correct one, that your view is the only correct one, that your belief is the only correct one, only one thing is guaranteed: you are absolutely wrong. If you find yourself being smug and patting yourself on the back that you are the Only Smart and Correct Person on the internet, you are embarrassingly wrong...and everyone else knows it. -- It is never too late. It's never too late to change careers, go back to school, transition, change your beliefs, change yourself. You don't have to live like this, you don't have to think like this, you don't have to be like this. It's not too late to change. -- Life happens offline. The internet is for fucking around while you're in between real life stuff. The world of the internet is not real, it's not real life, and if your only life is online, you really need to log off, leave your phone behind, and go out into the world. Interact with real people, in real situations, without a keyboard.

-- You learn way more by listening than by talking, and people will respect you more when you do have something to say. -- You need to get out of your online bubbles and talk to people who do not share your beliefs. Tumblr gives you the impression that you are the majority, that everyone believes what you do, thinks like you do, has the same outlook on life that you do. And that is far from the truth. For example: 98% of the country is cis and heterosexual. The vast majority of people do not have fandoms. The majority of humanity cares more about what you do than whether or not you use the 'correct' terminology. -- There is always hope. No matter how bleak the world seems right now, we have made staggering amounts of progress just in my lifetime. But we've done it by showing up, by voting, by acting. Progress happens in meat space, not through discourse. Online activism isn't activism. It's the prelude to activism. If you want change, you have to put down your screens, get out in the world, and make it happen. -- The sexiest thing any human being can do is to learn, to grow, and to be able to say 'I was wrong. I've learned more now, and I'm going to do better.' -- Finding love, in any form, is the barest beginning of what a relationship is. If you want to keep that love, you have to work for it, every day. And every party to that love has to do the work. If your partner/partners/friends don't work to make the relationship strong, it's not love and it will never be healthy. -- The only limit to who you can be and what you can be is you. You can't change your physical limits, but you can always decide that you will learn, that you will change, that you will grow. You can always be more than you are right now, bigger than you are right now. No one and nothing can stop you from that, except you. https://ko-fi.com/idiomagic

[krumpkin]

Every word of this is accurate I think 🤔

[devonhale]

actually one of the most beautiful things about hacks is that we can be changed by anyone and at any period in our lives. deborah was in her forties when ava was born. she’d lived a life longer than ava’s before ava even existed yet they both have had a profound effect upon each other. it’s never too late. you haven’t met all of the people who are going to change you yet.

[reality-detective]

Earl Nightingale: We became what we think about all day long.

"If YOU Want to Change YOUR Life... Then Change YOUR Thoughts" 🤔

[haleyincarnate]

In every ending there is a beginning I am willing to chase. In every beginning there is the fear of it all coming to an end.

Give yourself the time to mourn what was and then allow yourself to feel the bliss of starting anew.

[thedeskofaltoclef]

Yo, @glassanomaly. The benevolent @raddagher (my favorite artist and creator of my Favorite MTF Agent Perry Baxter. Glory to Raddagher) has already made it.

Chowder Clef Rises.

Bonus Radd-based Clef Art. This image was created years before she met me. She summoned me to this community. I had already been cosplaying in that exact outfit for about a year before I saw this image which is 1:1. This is the most accurate Deskverse Clef on the internet. Down to the whole situation of teeth.

Speaking of Deskverse, in honor of Radd's greatness 166's appearance is 1:1 as well. Check out Radds Tiktok if you want to see more.

Also, If you mother fuckers are not following Radd you are missing out! Art, Life tips, TWO HIT PODCASTS (Find us Alive and Hymns from the Road)

Radd does not get the credit she deserves. Please go follow her. The wiki is also filled with her writing and art.

Please go appreciate Radd

[thepersonalwords]

Live your life without ever having to ask, 'What if?

Ken Poirot

[johnnyshrine]

★ 100 // “The Holy Bible”

[quotelr]

Change may not always bring growth, but there is no growth without change.

Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

[septemberkisses]

sometimes you are 22, staring at your newly colored hair, wondering if change ever stops aching. pursuing a degree you love but drowning in the fear of failure, of a path that feels uncertain. how you once tossed your heart into reckless hands before finding love, yet now feel unworthy of it—too stiff, too guarded, too much and never enough. how friendships faded, some to silence, some to distance, and the fear of losing more lingers. the weight of responsibility presses heavy, the worry of not being able to provide for those who’ve built their hopes on you. how you see old friends in faraway cities and swear to never let them become just memories. how 22 feels like standing at a shore, waves pulling you forward and back, never letting you settle. and how you wish someone had told you that growing up isn’t about having it figured out—it’s about learning to exist in the mess of it all.

[iirulancorrino]

The Green brothers are doing effective altruism better than maybe 95% of people who identify online as effective altruists.

[tobystuck]

[haleyincarnate]

Inspired by @thefemale

[erinwantstowrite]

Hi I know you mentioned you being aroace just a couple days ago and I was wondering if maybe you could explain more in depth about how you found out your sexuality and what not? If it’s not too personal…

I’ve always sorta struggled since I haven’t had any crushes as a kid except for maybe one and that’s just cause ppl kept asking me who mine was… so I don’t even think it was a legit crush?? So not only do I not know who (looks,gender, that sorta thing) I would like … am I ever gonna like someone to even find that out???

I know you said Superman on the new trailer was hot ahaha so do you still experience that sort of physical attraction? I’ve been told when people question which gender they like, to pick which one looks more attractive to them but I’ve never really experienced that sort of physical attraction so I can’t tell that way either…

I think any thought of a crush forming was more towards their personality as well. Looks I guess are more of a second thought I think..? Even then I can’t tell if this is “you’re such an awesome person I wanna be besties with you” really strong feeling or an actual “I wanna date this person” feeling.

The only person I’ve gotten really close to discerning it as officially crush was someone from work who was older by a good amount… which can be/is pretty weird.. Lots of people my age are just a little too crazy for me.. I guess??? Idk and even now I can’t tell if that was just “glad to have someone as a friend sorta thing. I’m really sorry if this is too personal and u don’t have to respond to the ask directly either I was just hoping on maybe some advice for some clarity if possible… as I get older and realize I’ve never dated/had that sorta infatuation it feels so excluding at times.

Also I am hoping for a feast AND desert with this “‘soon’ but still haven’t posted it two days later” chapter plz and thank you

I hope this made sense and wasn’t too invasive!! :(

when i was younger, i was reading about this kind of thing online and i didn't find anyone like me. i think it's about time that i come full circle and make my own post. i've got like half of my frontal lobe developed and i've been figuring out a lot of things about myself these past couple of years, and there might be someone out there who needs to hear this (´-`ʃ♡ƪ) so if anyone is interested, below the cut is a very long talk about how i figured some stuff out

when it came to my sexuality, i only started considering it when i was in middle school, going into high school. (which would be when i was 12-13). that's when a lot of my friends started having crushes on our classmates and i realized they were being serious when they said they had crushes on people. they had figured out their identities as being a lesbian or bisexual, and they had relationships. (or as close as you can get to that in middle school).

i started to panic and think that i was lagging behind. and i really started to repress my feelings about dating people and romance and what that would entail. i found out through the internet about being pansexual. at the time i thought "oh, they have the same attraction for everyone!" and i slapped it on myself because i thought it would fix everything. i even came out to my parents as pansexual and for a while i left it at that.

i had an idea of romance. i shipped characters in media and i knew that my parents really loved each other. there were a lot of examples for love in my life that weren't the best, but having two parents that actually did care about each other made me want that for myself in the future...

but that's in the future. i personally didn't think about it much because we were still kids. for a while i didn't think anyone else was being serious, that they were just trying it out quicker than i was ready for. it was a strange feeling. i guess i still believed we were playing make believe, or copying what we saw on TV or with our parents. often when my friends asked me who i had a crush on and i felt pressured, i would pick someone that i thought i wouldn't mind dating if i had to. someone would be "interested" in me and i would say "okay" because i felt like that was part of this game we all seemed to be playing. i've had a few "boyfriends" over the years that got people off my back when i had them. in elementary school it was this boy that didn't pick on me, another boy that was my parents' friend's kid. in middle school i had an online boyfriend and a couple of "crushes" on friends of friends, someone just a little far out of my circle that didn't shake anything up. my friends would help me get together with a person and they'd seem so excited for me, so i just went along with it.

then it hit me that they weren't doing it just to do it, or playing pretend. they actually felt something when they were interacting with their crushes. i started to reread books and rewatch media and really grasp what they were saying. the feeling of having butterflies inside them when they talked to each other, blushing when something was said? i thought that was about a general anxiety people get when talking to other people. but there was always something more to it that i just... didn't get. no matter how hard i tried, i didn't understand what that something was.

then started coming the pressure to do the same, to fit in. that's why i accepted a label of pansexual. it was "strange" but at least it didn't feel "broken." i could deal with people telling me that i was wrong for liking more than just boys. but to say that there was no one on the table gave me an anxiety i'd never felt before. like i would be letting down my family, that the entire course of my life would shift. i wouldn't walk down the aisle because there would be no wedding. my parents wouldn't have grandkids. my friends would go on to have lives completely separate from mine, we'd have nothing in common anymore. so i stuffed it all down and made myself believe that this wasn't who i was.

it really mixed me up because i did have a couple of "crushes" that felt real. there were a few girls i was friends with, there were boys in my classes (usually class clowns...) that i'd get excited to see every day. when i thought about dating them, it felt nice. any other time when i thought about dating someone, i'd get this awful feeling in my gut that i later realized was dread. i was fully convinced it was different from all the other times. that "different" that i didn't understand before.

it was different! but not for the reason i thought it was. those people made me laugh, they listened and remembered things about me (that i didn't get much of during that time of my life), and most of all: they didn't like me back.

there were literally no expectations in their eyes for things to go away from friendship. and i think that's what made me like them, but not as a crush. it was relief. there was always an expectation for other people (specifically boys) that if we were friends, things would stray from friendship at some point. not with these people. that relief, combined with all the other good feelings they gave me (class clowns...) made it so much easier to fall into a friendship that i didn't have with other people. and i was in denial for so long that i thought of those friendships as crushes because they were different from other friendships.

there were a couple of times that i got close to having to face my sexuality and it felt like a gut punch. there were a couple of people i was friends with (that i didn't have crushes on) that i had previously thought "if i had to pick someone" about. but when they actually told me their feelings, i would run away. in one case, i literally ran away. i changed my entire routine so that i wouldn't have to face them. and i'm a creature of habit, so of course i took that step back and asked myself why i was having such a strong reaction. my friends didn't understand why i was so panicked about these confessions. especially because before, i "liked" people and had no problem with it.

part of my feelings were that no one would actually like me (which only furthered me not wanting/not considering romance). some of the confessions that i got were fake/pranks, and it would really mess with my head. i wasn't skinny, i knew i was strange and awkward, and i could be very brash and stubborn. i had a weird sense of humor and i missed social ques. i got a lot of "you should be a lawyer" and complaints of being bossy when i was growing up and i always knew they really meant "you're a bitch." i wouldn't understand why i felt so othered from my peers like that until i learned i was possibly autistic, and i only found that out a couple years ago. combined with being plus sized and not conventionally attractive, i didn't get much breathing room. if i wasn't perfectly calm all the time, if i didn't force myself to be overly nice to people, and if i wasn't funny, i'd get told i was "draining" to be around.

i did a lot to try and fit in. i kept my hair long because people would compliment it, i tried to wear skirts instead of pants/shorts, i'd wear comfy clothes and the like so i didn't look like i was trying too hard. a lot of my personality was forced and i was the one who was being drained instead. i ended up having to get a radar for when people were just messing with me. and so when a real confession happened, there was a combination of anxiety about if they were faking or not, doubt that they could actually like me, and then a deep rooted fear about if they were being serious.

instead of the relief i should have felt when i learned it was a real confession, i still felt scared. it would be the same anxiety as if someone asked me to get on the world's tallest roller coaster in the world and i had just seen a chunk of the roller coaster fall in front of me.

that part made it even harder to come to grips with my sexuality. i thought if i gave up on being a hopeless romantic, i'd be giving in to all the times someone told me "I just don't see you dating anyone." being unlovable was a death sentence in my eyes. and it didn't help that i've lived in the south all my life. i was already strange and going to hell for a multitude of things. turning around and telling them that i was going against every expectation set of me to get married and have kids by 24????

(i should clarify that my parents had never been the ones to put this in my mind. when i came out as pansexual, they had only been confused about what the hell that was. the rest of their reaction was "i mean... we could already sort of tell." and while my parents had hopes for my future, i knew deep down that while they'd be a little sad not to have those expected memories with me, they wouldn't turn me away. and they would very likely be happy to create a whole different set of memories with me.)

i have my current friends to thank for me coming to terms with who i am. by the time i was in college i had started to question everything. my middle school friend group had been majority queer but we had gone to different schools or just faded apart. in high school, a majority of my time was spent in band. and while i was one of those people who had friends in a variety of friend groups, the closest friends i had were the people in my section that i sat next to every day. and in the present time, only a couple of them remained straight churchgoers. even though they've changed now just like i have, during high school i was a different story.

going to college opened me up to a far different experience. by this point i'd shifted from pansexual to bisexual. my college experience wasn't... ideal. or really healthy in any aspect. but meeting these people did dislodge the mindset i'd had for most of my life. and my current friends have changed my life. the fear that i had about being aromantic has now become the relief i needed my entire life. it doesn't feel broken, or wrong, or strange. sometimes i do feel sad about it, or question if this is really the case. maybe one day i'll meet someone who shows me that "different" feeling i'd been waiting to understand. but i grew past the societal expectation of needing a partner to be fulfilled in life and i'm so much happier.

life doesn't need to be about that partner. i have many, many friends and family to grow old with. i have a godchild!! one day i'll have my own house to celebrate holidays and achievements at, to host my friends and family. i'll have pets that i love and i'll have my own career, and i'll be happy because i never needed to fit expectations to be happy.

when it comes to anything sexual, it's sort of the same feeling as when i had "crushes" on people in real life. though also different? i don't look at real people and feel an attraction beyond knowing that they are attractive, objectively. i can feel attraction sometimes in a physical sense, but i have no interest in having anything personal happening between us. a fictional character has no interest in me, and so it feels safe to think that they're hot and to express it. like sure, yeah, i have a crush on them! i get giggly when Captain Smoker from One Piece shows up on the screen, and the new Superman makes me think "oh! okay!" but if they were real and in front of me? i'd probably... lose that attraction, like it was never there.

here's the kicker, though, and might sound weird at first: you don't have to put a label on yourself

yeah, i do consider myself aroace. but the world is ever changing and so is the human experience. it helps to have a basis, to understand your feelings and work through them. it's nice to be like "there is a name for this" and to find a community through that. i'm not saying there's anything wrong about figuring out your identity and saying "I'm this, this, and this!" nothing at all wrong with that. but we're all figuring ourselves out, all the time. it doesn't end when you put the label on. you have the entire rest of your life to continue learning things about yourself and the world around you. i wish i'd known in middle school that i didn't have to rush it, that i have every opportunity to take it one phase at a time. a human life seems fleeting, especially when you're looking back on your past and feeling like the time flew by. but that's just our perception of it as we look back.

what i mean to say it that it's okay to backtrack. it's okay to change your mind. it's okay to not put a label on it. it's okay to put a label on it. it's okay not to tell anyone, if you don't want to. it's okay to say "i'll figure it out." and it's okay if you don't. it's okay if you sit up in bed one day when you're 60 years old and go "that's what it is." as long as you live your life listening to yourself and not trying to meet an expectation you think you have to, then you're doing it right.

and it's okay if you lived your life like i did, and you didn't do any of that. being a human is messy and that's part of life. you're not gonna get it right the first time- but even then, sometimes you will! there's a nuance and a spectrum to everything you experience. take pride in who you are even if you don't have a clue yet. be kind to yourself. you're gonna be okay.