alexiapug

[oifaaa]

I thought timmy was left home months on end without supervision and without proper food?? I mean he had the money but does a smol tiny skronkly child know how to cook proper meals?? Pls correct me if im wrong lol

Yeah no not what happened it's mentioned a few times that Tim was either in boarding school or had a nanny looking after him while his parents were gone it definitely wasn't a matilda situation were tim was just expected to look after himself he had adult supervision one way or the other

[barcaatthemoon]

too good to be true || barcelona x teen!reader ||

you learn not to meet your hero the hard way.

all that you had ever wanted since you were old enough to have ambitions was to play for barcelona. every single day and night that you could spend on a field was spent there getting better. that hard work didn't go unnoticed by those around you, and your community rallied around you to get you to la maisa. and from there, you kept your head down and worked hard to make it to barcelona's senior team with your idol, alexia putellas.

the video package and media done when you were announced to the senior squad played heavily on the fact that you were playing with your idol. pictures of you dressed as alexia for halloween or hero days at school were all over barcelona's social media pages. the country seemed to fall in love with you, and they all rooted for the mentorship and possible friendship they hoped would blossom between you and alexia.

the bubble of happiness and excitement was quickly burst when you met alexia. the few interactions you had with before signing with the team were wildly different than the first time you met her as an official culer. the alexia from before had been warm and friendly, even if she was a bit awkward. this alexia was mean, and didn't try to hide the distaste she had for you one bit.

"hi pequena, what are you doing out here?" mapi asked you. the nickname had been bestowed upon you early on, despite you being one of the tallest members of the team. whenever you were little, your parents had teased you about having to buy a skyscraper if you continued to grow the way you had. you stopped around 13 or so, but by that time, you felt like a giant.

"practicing. they told me that i could start in the game against levante if i bring my conversion rate up a bit more at practice," you said proudly. mapi knew the way that you played well, so she knew who you'd be replacing in that game. alexia didn't want to sit games out for rest, not when she felt like she had finally come back from such a devastating injury. still, this was great news for you, so mapi would celebrate with you even if alexia would hate you for it.

"that's great, pequena. i'm so proud of you. i can't wait to see you walk out as a starter." mapi grabbed your head and pulled you down to press a kiss to your forehead. "don't hurt yourself. no pressure, but i'm counting on you."

"i've got this. i know i do. playing with alexia has made me the best version of myself that i can be."

…

"what is this bullshit! this is an easy win, why aren't you playing me?" alexia was on a rampage. several of the girls looked around the locker room until irene and marta stood up.

"alexia, you said it yourself, it's an easy win. you don't need to be out there for a game like this, so just take the rest day and relax. look, it's pequena's first game, let her have this," marta said. it was reasonable, and that only seemed to aggrevate alexia even more. she didn't want to be reasonable about this, she wanted to be angry. it was like she was being replaced by you, which she absolutely hated.

"of course it's about her! it's always about your precious pequena. she'll never amount to anything if you all continue to baby her," alexia huffed. you watched her storm off, unsure of what to do. alexia was your hero, and for her to speak or think so poorly of you was absolutely devastating.

"don't listen to her. you know what, don't even think of her. come on, let's talk strategy," pina said as she pulled you to sit down. you didn't want to talk strategy or do anything. all you wanted to do was run away and never come back. maybe your legendary barcelona run would have to wait until alexia had retired and wouldn't be there to bring you down on yourself.

"i feed you and caro the balls when i can, and if you're tied up and i have room, i run in myself. it's not rocket science, the same play we've been running all week," you said shortly. pina looked taken aback by your tone, but she didn't mention it. she understood what alexia meant to you, and a part of her felt guilty that alexia hadn't ever snapped at her like she had with you. you had done absolutely nothing to deserve alexia's wrath, and yet, the older midfielder seemed to absolutely despise you.

it was hard, but you didn't let alexia's feelings towards you completely ruin your excitement about the game. you could see your family in the stands, everybody cheering loudly for you when they called your name. the hugs from ingrid and pina definitely helped to lift your spirits, both women whispering how proud they were of you before you all took your positions.

you had the support of the majority of your team, but it was easy to get hung up on what you didn't have when it was constantly dangled right in front of your face. alexia was there for the other girls, but not you, never you. it always loomed over you, threatening to make you cry without a moment's notice. and yet, you still worked hard for her approval. extra training sessions, extra workouts, and more effort than you had thought possible all for nothing to show. you decided as you looked at alexia chatting happily with some of the younger subs that you'd give her a reason to hate you if she was so set on it.

…

"what a goal! i can't wait to see you in a spain jersey," cata said as she pulled you in for a hug. you blushed at the compliments that poured in from your teammates. despite the fact that you had just scored on cata during the scrimmage, she had come up to you to congratulate you.

"you might just have the best left foot in the game." you shrunk back as ona put her arm around you.

"careful, she might get cocky," frido teased. she knew better than anybody how unlikely that was. frido swore that she could give you a million compliments, but you never acted like you deserved any of them. you thought that you were just doing your job, even if your teammates thought it was amazing. you wanted a compliment from one person who was very unwilling to give it to you.

"can we get back to the game now? how do you expect to win a champions' league final if we're all just standing around talking all training?" alexia asked. her tone was harsher than normal. you immediately put your head down and started to walk away when cata spoke up.

"we'll win because we're the best. we have the best players in the world here, and despite what you think (y/n) is one of them. she's part of the squad, and you should act like it," cata said. mapi moved in between the two women as they shifted towards each other. it was very obvious that a fight was on the verge of breaking out, which you didn't want at all.

"it's fine. alexia is right, we should get back to practice," you mumbled.

"no, no it's not fine. pequena, how does the way that alexia treats you make you feel?" mapi asked as she shifted to hold alexia in front of her. she forced the midfielder to look at you as you answered her question.

"i don't understand it. she's nice and friendly with everyone else, but she's cordial at best with me. i try to work hard for an ounce of what she gives everyone else. i don't like it, and i don't think i want to play here with her," you admitted.

alexia looked incredibly guilty as mapi let go of her. still, she didn't even try to apologize. she just walked away with her head hung as mapi and a few of the others yelled at her. a part of you wanted to feel good about your teammates standing up for you, but instead you felt like you had caused a lot of useless tension in the team.

that guilty feeling followed you along for weeks. you let it absolutely exhaust you before you realized that it wasn't really your fault. most of your teammates loved and accepted you, and running from alexia wouldn't garner you anything close to respect. she had just walked away from you whenever the team brought up her behavior, and that seemed to be the last straw for you. it wouldn't be easy, but you had to make yourself stop caring about what alexia thought.

[wosoamazing]

Qualifiers

Warnings: Knee Injury, IDK

A/N: Just a bit of a fluffy fic I guess, hope you like it, also I'm currently on mid semester break, so I hopefully will be getting more fics out.

“Steph, have you noticed they’re behaving? Like it’s so quiet” Caitlin remarked as she sat opposite Steph on the bus.

“No, they’re not behaving, they are just asleep.” She replied pointing to the seats where you, Kyra and Charli were all fast asleep, your head leaning on Charli’s shoulder. Everyone shifted their bodies so they could get a view of the three of you, all taking photos, finding the scene in front of them very cute.

“They’re so cute,” “Yeah when they aren't being menaces, Y/N is a really sweet kid though, she just has a lot of energy, I think that stems from….” “Yeah she is great, and such an amazing talent too,” Caitlin rescued Steph as she drifted off, hoping to cover the unfinished sentence, Steph was about to mention your ADHD to the team, all the girls at Arsenal knew about it but Steph hasn't asked you if you were okay with the Matildas knowing.

“How old is Y/N though?” Raso asked

“She turns 17 in June,” “Oh so she is like a baby” “Yeah,” Steph nodded, smiling at you.

“She lives with you and Dean right?” Alanna asked.

“Yeah. Her parents approached us when they found out she was singing for the club and asked if we could take her in, in a way, and we said of course. The club signed off on it and so she moved in with us”

“Wait, how do her parents know you? Or was it random?” “No, we knew them, well more specifically her Dad from our time at Melbourne City, most of you would know him too, he is like on the board or part of the leadership team or something for City as a whole, she explains it much better than I do, but basically he is between all the city clubs and so she couldn’t live with them because they didn’t want her to be alone for long period of time.” They all nodded

“How is she going at Arsenal? She’s been getting a decent amount of minutes hasn't she?”

“Yeah she has. I think she really enjoys it”

“But wait, why does she play for Arsenal if her Dad works for City. Like are they not City fans?”

“Well I don't actually think she is allowed to play for city, but she grew up supporting both Arsenal and City, so I don’t think it really mattered. But I think the main reason is she can't actually play for city.”

“I think she’ll be good for the team, and she is a diverse player, I think Jonas being indecisive has helped that but I mean, it wouldn't hurt to have an all rounder, she is good at everything. I’m just glad she has settled in well, like I know you are all nice and wouldn’t be mean but she is just so much younger, even compared to Kyra. But to be fair she did already know Kyra so that helped. But if anything I’m seeing her more with Charli than Kyra so that is interesting” Caitlin added some food for thought.

“Yeah and something we need to keep an eye on.” Steph said referring to you and Charli spending time together, worried Kyra was getting left out.

_____

You were doing mini drills in teams, so you had a brief break. You walked up to Steph and gave her a hug, 

“Hey little one,” she said as she wrapped her arms around you to hug you back “you okay?”

You looked up to her “Yeah, am I not allowed a hug from my Stephy?”

“No, you are, of course you are. I just wanted to check if you were okay. You just seem a little off today that's all. But you know you can always talk to me about anything right?” Tony called both your names out as Steph was finishing what she said, so you let go of the hug rolling your eyes at her, before she put her arm around your shoulders and you walked off to Tony.

“Go have showers and get changed into clean training gear, the media team wants you both. Good work today though, love the effort.”

_____

“Yes Y/N” Tony said as you had your hand up, “Dad is calling me, I’m really sorry but could I answer?”

“Yeah sure, go ahead that is all good, let him know I said hi,” you nodded and walked out, normally Tony wouldn't let such a thing happen, but as you were younger he agreed.

You had just gotten off the phone with your parents, unfortunately they couldn't come to the game tomorrow, City needed your Dad for something, he was very apologetic and he had tried everything he could but City wasn't budging. Steph was right when she said you had seemed off today, because you were, you were just a little overwhelmed by everything that was happening, it was just lots of little things building to form one larger thing. You headed back towards the room feeling nervous for some reason, maybe you just weren't sure, you didn't really know, you hesitated slightly before opening the door, as you took a step in Steph immediately caught your eyes, she nodded to you and you made your way over to her rather than returning to your seat with Mini, Haper, Charlie and Kyra. A few tears left your eyes and Steph sat you down on her lap instead of you sitting down on the empty chair, you dropped your head into your hands and your body shook slightly as you silently cried. Steph rubbed your back as she looked up to Tony, who nodded at her and mouthed ‘go’.

“Hey, I’m going to take you up to my room, do you want me to carry you or do you want to walk?” You didn’t say anything but started walking, she followed behind, once you were out of the room you stopped and turned around to her, she picked you up and started heading for her room again. You weren't actually rooming with Steph but she knew you would want to be with her tonight, for some familiarity, so she placed you down on her bed before quickly going to get what you needed.

“Oh sorry,” Hayley said as she walked into the room, seeing you and Steph, you were still crying, you were just overwhelmed. 

“It’s all good, we’ve both had showers so if you want you can have one.” “Thanks.” 

By the time Hayley had finished her shower you were no longer crying however you still let out a shaky breath every now and then and from how you were playing with Steph’s rings she could tell you were still nervous. “Hey, you know you’re going to do amazing tomorrow, and if you make a mistake that's okay we all make them, and if you miss, that's okay as well, it happens, we’re humans we can't be perfect. But no matter what we are all going to be proud of you and the way you perform isn't going to affect how we all view you. You know they asked me how I would classify our relationship today, and I told them you were like my little sister. You know I love you right?” you didn't reply but nodded your head, she was a big sister to you, really everyone at Arsenal was like your big sister too you. A yawn escaped your mouth, “Lets get some sleep hey,” you shuffled around to be in a more comfortable position before you softly spoke “I love you too Steph”.

“Is she okay?” Hayley asked now that you were asleep. “Yeah, her parents just can’t make it to the game tomorrow and I think she is kind of scared, but she will be okay,” “Yeah, she is a great player, like really, I might head off to sleep now if that is okay with you,” “Yeah, see you in the morning.”

___

In the 22nd minute you scored your first national team goal, you were ecstatic however 5 minutes later that feeling disappeared when you were pushed, causing your knee to lock before twisting, you heard a pop in your knee, as a pain of wave rolled over it, the world around you went fuzzy, this couldn’t be happening, it couldn’t be your ACL, you couldn’t handle that, this was your first cap and now you might be out for 9+ months. You were quickly pulled back to reality by Tony calling all the girls over, who were surrounding you,  they all dispersed except for one, who was wiping your tears away, as the medics assessed you. They gave you a green whistle before they stabilised your knee and moved you onto the stretcher, Steph wiped away the last few tears that appeared on your face, before placing a kiss on your forehead, you were then quickly taken down the tunnel, left in your own thoughts, you were so badly hoping it wasn’t your ACL.

There were about 25 minutes of the game left when there was a knock at the door, “come in” the door opened slightly to reveal Steph, whose eyes immediately melted when she saw you, your knee was heavily strapped and in a hinged brace, a pair of crutches leant against the bed.

“Oh, Y/N/N,” she said as she approached you, wrapping her arms around you.

The physio explained to her that you had dislocated your knee slightly, but they were able to put it back in place, she also explained that you had to keep the tape and brace on at all times, until you saw the specialist back in London, she explained they had booked in an appointment for you as well as an MRI.

“Is there any idea of when she can play again?” Steph said, now holding your hand in hers.

“We aren't able to say anything yet, there is no way of knowing what other damage was done, until she gets the MRI, the specialist will be able to tell you everything though when you see them.”

“Okay, thank you, are we able to head out to the pitch, or does she need to stay in here?”

“No, you’re all good to go out. I’ll give you two some space, just let me know if you need anything.” Steph nodded, you looked up to her, her gaze meeting yours.

“Do you want to go back out?” You nodded, “Okay, let's go.” Steph helped you get off the bed and she walked beside you as you slowly made your way back out.

The full time whistle was blown and the stadium erupted, the Matildas had just qualified for the olympics, Steph picked you up and spun you around, “We’re going to the olympics baby!”, you couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t we it was her, their last number 20 did her ACL, maybe the jersey just came with bad luck.

[nytb]

If you were mine

Click here first <3

A dinner party leads to a hot encounter with what seems to be a master of all trades, Alexia now filled with lust and desire for more.

“Want to explain why you left in a hurry last night?" Mapi questions her captain, leaving the woman no time to rest after practice ended.

"You know, I could have just wanted to leave"

"If that were the case, Y/N wouldn't have left running after you like there was something to fix" The defender's quick wit taking a hold on the situation "Want to tell me what actually happened?" she smirked.

It wouldn't be implausible that her childhood best friend had laid it on thick on Alexia and it might have somehow backfired. Unrealistic? Yes, but implausible? No.

The midfielder took a quick glance around her, making sure that nobody else would be able to hear her confession.

"God, what didn't happen - " flashbacks from the previous night in her head, smiling from ear to ear.

"Spill it"

"So..." Alexia started "Have you ever not have had to think? Like whatever was happening was meant to happen and it's not like you don't want it to happen so you're just there - happily participating?"

"Ale, I think that you lost me"

"How about you give me another excuse to be around her and I will give you all the details" she smirked, Mapi always loved to know all the gossip, especially when she wasn't involved in it.

"Wait - around wh- " she questioned, only to realize it before finishing her question "You and Y/N?"

"Mhmhm" Alexia nodded, clearly proud of herself.

"Wait so the whole 'you need to celebrate getting a new apartment' thing was a setup?"

"You catch on quick" The midfielder laughed "Sadly, I think that your girlfriend got there first"

Mapi's gossip game was lacking.

"Tell me everything" the defender ran behind Alexia as she made her way to the locker room. The latter turned on her hips, tapping at her friend's shoulder as she punctuated every word "One. More. Excuse." she reminded Mapi of the deal she had previously offered.

It didn't take long for the defender to concoct a plan to trap her childhood best friend in Alexia's reach.

A quick pop up, that her media team would gladly encourage, at a major concert in Barcelona.

"You do know that I hate these things right?" Y/N complained, getting dressed in Mapi's guest bedroom.

"Just think that right after we will go to your favorite sushi bar" the defender, who was sitting on Y/N's temporary bed, said "And if we get real crazy we pop by a tattoo parlor and get a new design on that arm" she smirked.

Clearly Mapi was the influence quiet homebodies begs for.

"I will even skip over the fact that you called Rosalia's concert a thing" she air-quoted the last word "And you should know that that's a serious offense in my book"

Y/N broke in laughter "Sure, because you now listen to the latest music and aren't still caught on the songs your parents still listen to" she mocked.

"Again, I will let that offense slide by" the defender stated "Aren't I an amazing friend" grinning from ear to ear, only to confess the real reason they were heading to a concert.

"Just be aware that this whole thing is a setup"

"Yeah I know, my agent has been grilling me to actually show up this time"

"Oh no cutie, she's not who I'm talking about"

Y/N turned on her feet "You're telling me that you got me to renounce training days just to hook up with one of your friends - again?" This time the boxer didn't sound as happy.

"Yeah because you had such a bad time with them" Mapi mocked "But don't worry, this time I'm not the one that planned who you're meeting"

"I'm not sleeping with your girlfriend's friends Mapi" Y/N crossed her arms, now staring at her childhood friend.

"Loosen up, this is all Alexia's doing."

Y/N's face turned blank, probably thinking about her previous encounter with the Barcelona midfielder.

"Stop daydreaming" the defender threw her friend a shirt "And cover up, you're making me feel frail."

"I have asked you if you wanted to come train with me in the past" she slipped into the tight fitted shirt.

"Yeah, you still need something over that" the defender groaned "Can't have you looking like that."

"Looking like what?" Y/N complained "I always wear this sort of stuff”

"That's the problem" the defender argued "You're always making the rest of us look like potatoes, even us athletes."

"Cheer up, in a couple of years, when all this fighting thing ends I will look just like you." Y/N joked.

"Maybe I should also teach you how to be funny" the defender threw her own dig "For when you can no longer rely on looks to get women"

"I have other traits" Y/N smirked.

"And somehow I think that that's why Alexia is so adamant on seeing you again" Ingrid joined, smiling as she greeted Y/N "What about we actually get going now? I have been keeping watch on that blonde all day - and it's tiring" she joked.

Damn - no wonder Y/N hates these things, people practically glued to one another, screams coming from every direction - this must be what introverts picture hell to be.

Getting greeting and her media press appearances over and done with, Y/N made her way to her VIP gifted tickets.

Being a star with a great agency backing her was a great asset, especially for Mapi as she managed to get a free concert and an easy setup with one single phone call.

"Remind me to thank your agent"

"So you're the one that made this happen" Y/N laughed "You had me thinking that my agent thought I liked this sort of music for a hot minute."

"And what's wrong with this sort of music?" Alexia questioned, shimmying past Ingrid, aiming her question at the boxer.

"Hi, I'm Y/N and I think that I messed up again" she extended her hand out, making a clear reference at their first encounter.

"Funny" Alexia said sarcastically "You should probably get more clothes" she stated "There is nothing wrong about having those peek through every shirt you wear" the midfielder pointed at Y/N's abs "But it's getting a bit repetitive"

"Weird, I was thinking the same thing" Y/N approached Alexia, bringing her into a hug and as she reached her ear she whispered "If you were mine you wouldn't be wearing that right now".

Alexia's excuse of a tank top that barely covered any of her skin wasn't to Y/N’s liking, let alone the short booty shorts she had on - if she was trying to cover the least amount of skin possible she successfully pulled it off.

"Maybe I'll invite you when I go shopping" Y/N disguised her previous statement, allowing herself a quick glance over Alexia's figure "Or send you along my assistant to pick outfits for me" she smirked.

"You have an assistant? Let me give you my assistant's number, maybe they want to be friends" she joked, taking the opportunity to place her hand on Y/N's shoulder.

"Maybe it's me who wants her number"

The midfielder's hand flew to her own abdomen, crossing her arms like a discontented child "I liked you more when you were more action and less maybes" Alexia stated, clearly annoyed at the boxer's previous statement.

Y/N snuck into the midfielder's personal space, slightly taking hold of her hips, moving past the group but not before taking the opportunity to whisper at Alexia's ear.

"Jealousy looks good on you"

And she was off, letting everyone knew that she was on the first drink run of the night.

"What was that?" Ingrid questioned, flustered at what just happened "What actually happened between you girls?"

"A lapse in judgement" the midfielder replied, seeing that Y/N was already being wrapped by someone else's body.

Mapi, followed her captain's line of sight, sympathizing with her situation "It's probably not what it looks like" she stuck up for her childhood best friend.

"Don't" Alexia's cold statement put the defender in her place "She's literally salivating at her for goodness sake"

Y/N's return to the group had the drinks she brought along with a couple of women overshadowed, especially by the Barcelona midfielder.

"Found these two in the pit" the boxer laughed, they were also Mapi's friends.

"OMG I haven't seen you girls in forever" pure enthusiasm in her voice, greeting them euphorically.

“See? Only friends" Ingrid spoke at a tune only Alexia would hear

That probably calmed the midfielder's jealousy for a minute, but she would be damned if it were only her that would be feeling that way tonight.

Dancing with strangers, her hands travelling through another person's body, her own fully leaned into it.

Y/N was fuming.

"You think that this is funny" the boxer approached, clearly pissed but hiding it underneath the coldness of her statement "Come with me" she grabbed Alexia's wrist, taking her away from the concert.

“What!?" the midfielder crossed her arms as soon as they got to a less crowded hallway, stopping Y/N dead in her tracks.

"Don't give me attitude" the boxer warned "I will teach you how to behave" and with that statement Alexia found herself up on Y/N's shoulder as she was carried out of there.

The midfielder fought it at first, but seeing Y/N's determination, and being highly attracted at the possibilities of whatever this was leading towards, she simply closed her grip around the boxer's abdomen. Grinning from ear to ear at her previous performance, clearly over the moon that it worked.

Setting Alexia back on her feet right next to Y/N's car, the midfielder made her way to her car's bonnet, leaning against it.

"No." Y/N groaned "I'm not rewarding whatever that was."

"Oh really?" Alexia leaned backwards, resting her weight on her arms firmly placed behind herself "So what will you do?" the midfielder continued, clearly provoking Y/N, being successful at every turn "Punish me?" she smirked.

The boxer's answer was simple. She made her way to Alexia, settling herself between her legs, she pulled the midfielder by her short's waistline, getting her to stand straight.

"I clearly have a lot of things to teach you"

"What if I don't want to be taught"

"Don't lie now" Y/N whispered at the midfielder's lips "There are better things we could be doing than having this" she pointed between the pair of them "conversation"

"This is a conversation to you?"

"I would rather it not be one"

Y/N placed space between them "Get in" she ordered opening the passenger door.

"And if I don't want to?" she argued.

"I would go over there and make you want to get in"

Alexia leaned back onto the bonnet, yet another provocation. Y/N groaned.

"Have it your way" the boxer closed the door roughly, a loud echo on the underground parking filled the air.

"Don't say that I didn't warn you" Y/N groaned at Alexia's ear "I will have you begging for me to let you enter my car"

A promise that would soon be fulfilled.

The boxer pulled Alexia into a rough kiss, exploring her mouth as the midfielder reached for Y/N's shirt, pulling her even closer.

"No." Y/N stated, grabbing the Catalonian's hands away from her shirt, placing them on the car's bonnet "They stay there" she ordered.

For a while they did but as Y/N nibbled at her ear, unbuttoning the midfielder's shorts, she had no other choice than to break the command given to her.

Alexia tried her best to grab onto Y/N's hair, she wished to pull the boxer’s lips back to her mouth, but Y/N reacted quicker.

Grabbing Alexia's neck, firmly choking her she whispered into the midfielder's mouth.

"So disobedient" she started, placing Alexia's hands back on the bonnet "Let's make it easier for you" she smirked

“You move, I stop."

"No" Alexia argued back.

"I told you not to give me attitude, it wasn't a suggestion."

"Or what?"

"You wouldn't want to find that out." she warned

"Actually, I do."

That ignited a flame in Y/N, Alexia was getting what she so eagerly requested.

The boxer rose her hand, placing two fingers on Alexia's lips "Suck" she ordered and the midfielder gladly obliged "So beautiful" Y/N whispered "What a shame that you're so disobedient" she took her fingers back, lowered them into the midfielder's pants "I will teach that out of you"

"It's more fun this way" she argued back

"I will show you how untrue that is"

Y/N roughly inserted both fingers at once, no warmup this time.

"You move, I stop" she reminded Alexia the simple command she had to follow.

As Y/N expertly curled her fingers inside Alexia, bringing the midfielder into a state of pure lust, the Catalonian learned that rolling her hips - as she looked for release - was getting her nowhere, so she fought against her body's urges, at times struggling with it.

The boxer made it her mission to edge Alexia for as long as possible, ignoring every request for release that slipped the midfielder's mouth.

"More" she begged as Y/N worked her clavicle, roughly sucking on it, leaving hickeys only a few people would see.

"Say you want to get into my car."

"I want to" she whispered as she arched her back, looking for release.

"Beg."

"Please" Alexia whispered into Y/N's mouth, making the boxer stop, placing space between the both of them she walked towards the car’s passenger door “Now wasn't that easy” she opened the passenger door again.

"You're just going to leave me here and stop cold turkey on me?" Alexia was raging.

"I don't reward disobedience" Y/N stated "Now, get in."

The midfielder did just that, buttoning her shorts as she gave Y/N a death stare.

"Did I allow you to do that?" the boxer pointed at the short's button.

Alexia's death stare remained, not granting Y/N an answer.

"So disobedient"

[harrysmimi]

Still Together, Still Going Strong

Synopsis: One where Harry and YN are getting a divorce but they can't seem stay away from one another

More of my work

YN has never been this mad and upset on Harry.

Why wouldn't she be? When he's ready to throw away a decade they spent together under the bus like that.

It was just five months ago Harry had said he wanted a divorce. Why, you may ask?

Is because he has been feeling he's lost himself. No doubt, that is a valid reason and she respects it. She has been there for him through all his lows she was willing to do so now too. She knows he needs a break, it is not easy to be a parent and have a job which asks so much of your time and energy.

He had his own reasons which by all means are very valid, he's never cheated, he's not cheating now. Nothing made sense to YN.

Every Monday evening when he'd drop off the twins at hers and they're off to bed, he's back to being her Harry. The same soft and living guy she fell in love at eighteen, the same guy who kissed her over and over again thanking her for giving the two most beautiful boys to love and care for.

YN had moved to the flat her parents bought her a year prior she moved in with Harry at his. It wasn't as big as the house which were their home, but it was big enough for her and the little toddlers and the cat Harry and her adopted just when they moved in together. They had been very good at co-parenting considering the twins are just two years old now. She had them for the whole weeks because the boys are just so used to her being around, though Harry came in to see them in between whenever he could.

Living apart felt like a norm, especially to YN as she's so used to her husband (now soon to-be-ex-husband) being on tour so much. She just didn't had her soft space to fall back to now.

He says it isn't her, or the kids. But he can't run away from the kids, unless he verbally says he doesn't want the responsibility of a father anymore— it wasn't him conveying the reasons to her but his legal representatives. He doesn't want to be away from the twins, he's been very firm about it. So it must be her.

YN still can't put a finger on what she has done to probably piss him off so much he wants a divorce now. Though she haven't got the time to think about it either with looking after the twins and working. She had a desk job and her dad's business to look after now thay he's retired, she doesn't get even the weekends to herself.

To make it all worse for her, he still says his I love yous to her, he still kisses like the first time he did, he still calls her by the little weird pet names. Hell, they even made love just last Monday and days he'd visit the twins mid week. This wasn't fair for her. And she didn't know how to process it all.

"Harper." YN ran after the little boy who was running away from eating his dinner whilst his twin was being nice, shirtless in just his little pink shorts. "Come back here."

"No!" Harper squealed but he fell down on his bum laughing.

"Gotcha!" YN announced scooping him up.

"Bum-bum!" He pointed out saying he fell down on his bum.

"Yeah, you did fell on your bum-bum." YN laughed giving him a kiss, she placed him on his highchair next to his brother. "Harlow, do you like it?" The other blond boy was already chomping away at little pieces of chicken and picking carrots from rice in front of him in the bowl.

"Yes!" He announced.

"You're giving your Mummy a hard time, aren't you?" Harry's spoke serving Harper his dinner, he dipped his head down to press a kiss on his boy's head.

"It's okay he's still little." YN spoke walking in kitchen. She knows he's just joking but she didn't like it for what she didn't know, nor she wanted to know. She is just mad. He'd just decided to stay over for dinner like he lives there with them, like they're not getting a divorce in two weeks. Like they're not having their assets divided equally in between. Like the media didn't already knew he's separating from his partner of ten years. It made her so furious just because she haven't gotten the time to sit by herself and process everything. Everything was happening so fast.

"Baby what's wrong?"

"I think you should leave now Harry," YN suggested, as she furious started cleaning around the kitchen, the mess he made in attempt of helping hera. She never mind him making a mess in the kitchen, until now. "I've got work tomorrow."

"I can help put the boys to bed," he offered.

"I don't need it, I just need you to leave my house now." She deadpanned, stopping dead in her actions to glance at him once. Harry was taken back, he glanced at the boys who were busy exchanging their food and eating before he walked back in the kitchen.

YN felt his hands on her hips as he pulled her back from scrubbing the counter like it's got some deadly disease on it, she watched as blood rush back to her finger tips on the release of her death grip on the wash clothe. She didn't liked the way his hands felt on her body for the first time, it felt so wrong.

"Look at me," he requested. For a moment there YN found herself leaning into the warmth of the palm of his hand cradling her face.

"Don't, don't touch me," she reluctantly pulled herself away, "I don't like it no more." He would kiss her there, she'd give in and they'd be huddling their way to the bathroom leaving the twins to eat their dinner.

And she proceeded to clean around. Cleaned up the twins and put them in their PJs and finally off to bed they went. Harry still lingered around, he cleaned up the highchairs and put them away, until YN came back out.

She sighed in defeat seeing him still sitting at the dining table, like he did whenever he managed to piss her off waiting for her to cool off before he could go talk to her. He did more than just piss her off now. She walked back to her bedroom and sbut the door behind her getting ready for bed. She pulled out her laptop to email her boss about wanting to take her yearly paid vacation, her leave was going to be accepted as she's that annoying employee who has to be forced to take days off. She even proceeded to call her parents to ask of she could go over and stay with them for a couple of weeks with the boys. Luckily for her, they lived just four hour drive away from her in Kingston. They didn't knew Harry and YN were getting a divorce until it became a public affair, of course they said she could go live with them for as long as she wish for.

Was she overreacting on this? Hasn't she been so understanding about the reasons Harry gave her for their separation? But was it inevitable not to be heartbroken? She had never grieved for anything or anyone before, is it really this overwhelming? This overwhelming that she has to cry?

She took in a deep breath and wiped off the tears which had managed to trickle down her eyes when she heard the door crack open. The boys liked to sleep in her bed, close to their Mummy. Something Harry isn't a fan of but she cherishes a lot. All it would take for him to give in was three pairs of doe eyes begging him and he'd be scooping up the little humans onto their bed and tucking the under the sheets. The boys are well aware that it is easy to butter their Mummy than it to their Papa, they only request to sleep in with her when with her. Smart little toddlers!

It was Harry, he still hasn't left yet. He just closed the door behind him carefully as the twins are light sleepers like their Mummy, he proceeded to take a seat in front of him on her bed. No words were shared as he just looked at her trying to figure where he should begin. He didn't know how to approach this. She is not going to say a word, he knows. They're both stubborn when it comes to confrontation.

"YN," Harry cooed trying to reach for her hand.

"You're a fucking hypocrite!" She snapped, swatting his hand away with a jerk. "You say one thing and do the complete opposite of it. Just stick to one thing! You want a divorce then set up some boundaries for fucks sake. What part of divorce do you not understand?"

"I'm trying to be there for the boys, what are you talking about?"

"I am not saying you are. I want you to stop being around me, okay? I want you to stop making it harder for me than it already is." She made it clear, "I don't want this. I don't want you touching me, I don't want you kissing me, sleeping with me, I don't want you to say you love me."

"But I do love you," he rushed, "doesn't mean we're getting a divorce that I don't love you anymore. I can never stop loving you, I don't think I can even do that. I gave you my reasons. We're separating mutually, aren't we?"

Answer to his question was, no. It's not mutual. She's agreeing just for his sake. She doesn't want a divorce, she wants to work through it.

He was coming home late after being out with his friends, drunk and high his ass off after long studio sessions now that he's been writing his new album, he never bothered anyone and went straight to bed. Whilst YN didn't liked that, she still let it slide for a month and a half. It started getting on her nerve when he'd be grumpy all day with a major hang over, she snapped when he yelled at the boys who were just wanting to play with him. It was the very next day he told her he wants a divorce and left for the studio.

"Be honest with me, do you not want it?" He asked when she said nothing. "YN?"

"No!" She exclaimed, "I don't want this. Why would I want to break a relationship that we spent a decade to make perfect? It's just not me and you anymore, we have two little ones now."

YN's trying hard not to break down in front him. Whatever it is he does not need to see her cry, and it usually made her feel weak. It usually is easy for her to cry bit deal with everything which comes her way calmly without a breakdown. She felt the sinking feeling in her stomach, physically.

"I am going to go stay with my parents for a couple of weeks." She shared, "you can come over to see the kids and I think you should leave now." She walked over to the door to open it for him. He's got no other option than to leave. It's better he did that and get his shit together for him to talk about this.

......................................................................

"YN, come help me." Her dad said, he carried the gardening tools. Twins were out with their grandma and Aunty for grocery shopping. She was lied on the sofa staring at the ceiling as some episode of Friends played in the background.

It's been a week and half and YN's fallen sick as she expected. It was meant to happen with how overworked she has been, she's had a fever and has been throwing up every morning. She has been sick and more lost especially today since morning.

Her parents haven't bought up the topic of her divorce yet, they can still see how it has been affecting. God, how they didn't liked him for their daughter at first. They had no idea how much she loved him, that for the first time she rebelled against them. It wasn't just her teen phase, they came to realise soon enough.

"Do you want me to take you to doctor again?" Her asked.

"No, I'm fine now." She shrugged and started with cleaning out dried out leaves from her dad's garden.

"How do you like these? Harper picked this." He showed her the new rose plant he'd got just yesterday when he took the boys out so she can rest.

"Good." She nodded. "I, I want to go sleep."

"Okay, did you take you medicines?" Her dad enquired.

"No, I, I'll take it." She assured him before she walked inside, just as she was about to go to her room she saw the mess that was her sister's room. Her kids were sleeping in her sister's room because she was sick. Toys everywhere. Not that her sister was rhe tidiest person she knew, she still picked up after her toddlers.

"Mumma!" Harlow came running to her followed by Harper, both of them tackled her with hugs. "Nani gave chocolate!" He showed a tiny packet of Reeses cups, his brother got one too.

"Yay!" She celebrated, "did you say thank you to Nani?"

"Yes!" Harper nodded, "open, pwease?"

They'd already had their lunch so YN opened the chocolate wrappers for both of them, had them sit down with their toys. There were so much to play with at their Grandparents' place, but the boys hardly fought over the same toy. When her sister got back to her room, YN went back to hers to get in a nap.

"YN?" She heard her mum calling her from the living room. Sighing she got out of bed to check what her mother had to say. "Harry's here to see the kids."

"No, I'm just here to talk to you for now." Harry rushed, "would you please?" He gestured her to go out with him. She walked him to her room. "Baba told me you're sick."

Yeah, he called her father Baba.

"I'm sorry." He started, "never asked you if you wanted this."

"Thank you." She nodded, now sat on her bed.

"I was just being stupid." He admitted crouching in front of her, "but I never lied when I said I feel like I've lost myself. You know we never talked about boys until recently to anyone. It felt like I was living two different lives. It is very hard, I feel so guilty that I can't be there for you and our babies but I also love to tour and be on stage." He voice cracked as his eyes brimmed with tears, "it looked easy to do this. Guess I was being selfish with choosing what I want, I don't know how I feel about it yet. I just needed a break to get my shit together. Can't stay away from you, I realised, or I can't stay away from our boys. It's just that I haven't been able to give the three of you much of my time, but also don't wanna stop touring."

"All this while you've been nothing but so supportive of me, I am so sorry I didn't realise you'd support me through this too. You respected the reasons I gave you which I now call bullshit. You don't want this yet agreed to it. You've been through all the highs with me, guess I didn't wanted you to be through the lows. Just want you to be happy and not worry about anything. I am sorry lovie, I don't want it anymore. Still want to be with you." He grabbed her hands in her lap, "you think you can forgive me, please?"

He looked just like the boys with his doe eyes looking up at her (or you can say the twins are xerox copy of him), he was crying. Tip of his nose turned pink, same shade as his lips.

"You need to take a break, from everything." She spoke, "it's not stupid or bullshit to feel overwhelmed, okay? You don't have to make a choise between what you love, it's not how it works. You're an amazing father to the boys. It hurt me so much that you didn't wanted to be with me anymore, did I do something? Do you not feel attracted to me anymore? Have you fallen out of love with me? Is there som—"

"No, no, no, no!" He rushed cutting her off mid sentence, "It's not that, I don't know why I said I want a divorce. God I love you and only you. It's just you. Please, please, please don't ever think about it!" He brought her hands to his mouth pressing little sloppy kisses on her knuckles as he sobbed quietly, he didn't even imagine it would come out this way to her. God he never even looks at anyone else other than her. It was a stab in his heart that she thought he's in love with someone else. Hell, he's on his knees for her now! "Let's take it back. I don't want to get a divorce. Don't want you to leave, please!"

He broke down sobbing even more when she pulled him in a warm embrace, he just cried with his face buried in her chest like a baby. His arms wrapped around her like he's falling off a cliff.

Harry honestly didn't know why he did that, why he let things go this far with the divorce. God he couldn't imagine his life without her. He loves her too much. He thought maybe he could have one less thing to feel guilty about if they separate. But he was proved very just this morning when he went to her flat to see the kids and also her just to realise she's at her parents, four hours away, he straight away drove to her.

It scared him. Even though she was still close by yet he felt like she's out of reach. He's never felt that way before, cal him overdramatic for acting on this as fast he could and go back to her. Her dad was probably mad at him as he texted him about how sick she's been, turned out he was just telling him how YN is doing. He also missed his little boys.

"We're never going to complain about you not being there for her," she started speaking for the kids as well, "they love you Harry, so do I. We'd nothing but for you to be happy with us. Don't want you to feel guilty, you're a dad now doesn't mean you have to feel pressured to leave what you love to do. I knew what I was signing up for when I said yes to be with you, never once I thought you were a bad partner. I don't know where it all came from, but I love you so much. We're going to work this out, I'm not going anywhere, our boys are not going anywhere, okay? I promised you, didn't I? Through highs and lows."

"We are!" He said, firmly as he pulled away enough to look at her sniffling. "I love you so much!" He peppered her face with more sloppy wet kisses before pulling her in a bear hug. It was her turn to cry her heart out, feeling the assuring weight of his hand on the back of her head, his finger flexing in gentle strokes on her scalp. "Hey, it's okay, we'll be okay." She wrapped her arms around his middle tightly.

YN's been a mess since Monday and it's only Thursday, especially since her last doctors visit with her mum. She has been going through same symptoms she went through when she was pregnant two hears ago, sore breasts, nood swings, nausea, morning sickness. God she was put into such a bad mental space when the doctor suggested she takes a pregnancy test. There were chances she was pregnant, her and Harry were still having sex being careless about using the right protection, she hasn't got her period in a month. But YN's also been a hormonal mess since giving birth, breastfeeding and then stopping to breastfeed, that messed up with her periods too.

On one hand she wanted the test to turn out to be positive so she can just have her husband call off the divorce thinking about another child, the selfish and cruel side of her spoke. On other hand she didn't wanted it to be positive because she just can't bear another pregnancy after such a short time, physically. Especially since her first one has taken such a huge toll of her. The first time she was pregnant, she had twins.

She was glad the test came out negative. She started with her period the very next day, explaining her nausea and sore breasts. That also explains her breakdown in the moment.

"Hey sweetheart, it's alright." He assured her trying to calm her down, "no, no you're gonna get more sick." The last time she cried like this was when she failed one of the most important entrance exam for the course she was wanting to take up and made herself sick. He worried.

Harry noticed it's started to get dark outside, they've been locked in her bedroom for so long talking it all out. He heard the twins screaming and squealing outside, probably playing with YN's brother and sister. "Baby did you fell asleep on me?" He checked on his wife who hasn't moved in a long moment. She was letting letting endorphins settle in her.

"No," she pulled away enough to look at him, "I didn't."

Should she tell him about the test?

"I, I had to take a test on Monday." She started nervously glancing at him before he fixed her gaze on her hands in her lap, "it came out negative."

"You wanted it to be positive?"

"I don't know," she sighed, finally looking up at him he was sat back on his heels now, still close enough to her. She flet bad for even thinking of guilt tripping him into staying there. But did she also had the heart to tell she doesn't want to separate in the first place? When he told her he's been overwhelmed with responsibilities.

"You want to take a nap?" He asked, "we can go out to get dinner, just us, later?"

"I don't want to go out." She shook her head, "don't feel well."

"That's okay, I want you to take a nap now, hmm?" He proceeded to pull back the blanket on the bed and slip off her house slippers off her feet, urging her to lie down. So she did. "They're having fun outside, don't worry about them just get in some rest, sweetheart." He cut her off before she could even utter a sound, he tucked her in softly.

"Harry, I—"

"We'll talk more later, baby, I promise." He interrupted her again, but watched her face turn into more of an angry one, "just want you to rest, look at you, sunken eyes, runny nose. Okay, what is it?" He rested his head on her pillow as he scooted closer to the bed still sitting on the floor.

"I wanted it to be positive, the test at first." YN shared. She just can't keep things which are bothering her to herself.

"I don't think we should have another baby. Did you wanted one?"

"No, I don't think I can do it again. Not this soon. Be pregnant I mean. I thought, this is so very wrong, I thought if it were to turn out to be positive you'd change your mind about this. Be—because I didn't know how to tell you I don't want to get a divorce." She stuttered, as new set of tears pooled in her reddened eyes. "Sorry."

"It's alright. Why didn't you wanted to tell me you don't want that?" He cooed, his hand running soothing strokes on her back.

"Because..." She sighed as she trailed off, "because you said you were overwhelmed by everything. I didn't wanted to hold you back when you wanted one less thing to worry about."

"Well, I was very wrong." He started of with a firm statement, "I felt like I was just a bad husband to you, the worse one to ever exist. I mean, I can see it clearly now. You've been overworking yourself..."

"You're not." She commented.

"Yes, I am. Cancelled my tour, I want to try this and put the boys and you first for now." He shared, "I don't want to hear anything about it, I want this and will not complain about it, I promise."

He knows her way too much, doesn't he? He can really tell what she's about to say just by looking in her eyes.

"You really want that?" She still asked.

"Went regularly to see my therapist last week, talked to her about this. I realised I really want this. She really helped me through when I was confused. Lemme do this for me, for us, yeah?" His voice was nothing but assuring. Now he rarely talks whereabouts of his therapy sessions, to anyone for the matter of fact, but when he does it's when he's made firm decisions which he plans to stick to. Though YN would have supported him if he still wanted to go on tour.

"Okay." She agreed.

"Can I get a kiss? Missed you so much!" Harry was already leaning in but she pulled back.

"Don't want you to get sick!"

"I don't care." He shrugged, dipped his head lower to press a gentle kiss on her mouth. "I love you."

"I love you." She leaned into his touch, little puppy kiss they shared.

"You want to come home?" He asked.

"I want to stay here for the rest of my days off." She shook her head. It was just going to clear her mind and give her some rest now, plus she doesn't feel like driving back to Hampstead when one of her organ is literally bleeding haywire.

"That's alright." He nodded, "are you going to come back home on Monday then?"

"Mhmm." She nodded. He gave her another firm kiss on her mouth.

"Rest now, okay? I'll go see our babies." He gave her yet another kiss, before he reluctantly walked to the bathroom to wash off his face first. He headed out to see Harper and Harlow.

"Yay, Papa!" Both of them went running to him as expected.

Harry was gonna be pulled y YN's dad to a side to give him a bug talk. He could sense it. Her dad is protective of her. Harry wouldn't blame him, he'd do the same if anyone to hurt his kiddos. So he braced himself.

To his surprise, he was forced to stay over for the weekend with the family. They never brought up the topic of divorce which was now being scrapped, though all of them were happy to hear they're planning to stay together.

YN knew people online are gonna hate her, if they didn't already that Harry cancelled his entire tour just because he wants to give his family the time and love they deserve from him. Also the pull back from divorce was gonna divid his fandom into two parts for sure, just like their wedding did.

YN and Harry both got married at just the age of 19 and 20, which was their own decision after dating of year and half and he was still in the band. Very young indeed but it was their decision. It wasn't taken very well by the media. But who cares?

They're still together and going strong!

N O T E :

1) I wrote this in like few sittings. Sorry if there are any typos or words missing. 🥺 I didn't proofread this.

2) Hope you liked this one.

3) Pls lemme know what you think, what Harry should have done in your opinion?

Tag list:

@vrittivsanghavi @buckymydarlingangel @sweetwritingfanficfriend @theroosterswife24 @sleutherclaw @melllinaa @michellekstyles @sunshinemoonsposts @marialikescherries Lemme know if you want to added to the tag list

[genshinconfessions]

Honest to god, the more I see people behaving like actual monsters or children throwing a temper tantrum over characters not having skin as black as the abyss the more I flat out just do not have the capacity to care. I get it sucks that the characters aren't being diverse enough, I get it, but throwing death threats, slurs and god knows what else at the devs while behaving like spoiled rotten brats just makes me not care to any degree. If people can't behave like ACTUAL ADULTS and genuinely have polite points to say other than "Time to attack the devs again/slander the VAs or whoever for agreeing to go with this" whenever a character isn't dark skinned, they have no one to blame but themselves if the devs elect to not listen to what basically amounts to spoiled two year olds not getting what they want. I genuinely feel bad for people who want more diversity but are less hateful and end up being lumped in with the assholes who think threatening the devs lives is a okay, and I also feel bad for anyone genuinely excited about the Natlan characters getting absolutely harassed and ripped to shreds for not "thinking they're ugly for not being dark enough". I feel like if the fan base were ALOT LESS VITRIOLIC about the issue of diversity the devs would likely listen more. But as it stands now I can't wait for the harassing and death threats being thrown around to die down again so I can actually browse genshin twit and tumblr again in peace without having to worry about running into anyone being genuine human trash towards the devs over the color of fucking pixels. I've got enough stressing me out like grieving the loss of a parent, I don't need people being assholes to add to it and it sickens me that they don't see anything wrong with how they're acting. I'm just. I'm tired and wish people could be less like bullies or arseholes for once over a silly little gacha game they claim to love yet act like this. Sorry for this being a long confession, I just needed to get this off my chest cause it's been bugging me and stressing me out so much since the Natlan teaser got released whenever I've gone to look at Genshin stuff practically everywhere lately.....

i'm very sorry for your loss :( and if it will help you feel less alone, i generally agree with your sentiments.

for me, i am a pretty staunch hoyo defender (evident in previous posts when we used to comment on asks more frequently), but i must admit, i was slightly disappointed in the natlan characters since i believed the fan edits with darker skin did look better, and i wished hoyo would have listened to the intl fandom regarding south american/african/indigenous poc things.

that said, it's never okay to send death threats to anyone for any reason. i'm sure the devs are a lot less willing to make changes if all they're getting is death threats and, like you said, vitriolic hate. constructive criticism helps ppl realize where they're wrong and how to fix it; unconstructive criticism is generally useless and tends to be ignored.

the societal issue of colorism runs very, very deep, both in asia and generally around the world. it's not something that hoyo can fix singlehandedly by changing some characters. granted, i'm sure it would set a very good example for future game devs, and it would be really great if they did listen to intl feedback! but if they choose not to, that's not smth we can change their minds about.

side note, regarding a lot of the 'natlan is colonized' comments, we don't know the story yet. it's possible that hoyo will address it as social commentary, or it might be something totally different. leaks and the search for instant gratification have really made it difficult for people to enjoy a drawn-out storyline, and that's really sad.

we've said this a lot on this page but i'll say it again: why spend so much energy hating fictional media? if it no longer brings you joy for whatever reason (i.e. you dislike the natlan characters), stop playing. if the fandom is the main source of negativity, stop engaging with the fandom, block users and tags, curate your own experience. if you claim to hate everything about it but continue to engage with it, that's quite hypocritical and unconvincing.

in any case, if you like the game well enough to keep playing, keep playing. you don't need to justify your reasoning to anyone, and you definitely don't need to fall into a trap of radicalized (and dare i say often performative) social justice.

[karrenseely]

Silver Linings

I just realized something. I learned about the existence of Trans people when I was 12 or 13 I think. I learned about us in a medical encyclopedia. It wasn't a lot to go on, but it definitely was enough. Two things happened when I saw that entry. First I wasn't alone, second I could do something about this.

I absolutely wasn't alone or the only one AMAB who was a girl. That lifted a huge weight off of me, I wasn't alone. People who've never experienced the feeling that you're the only one in the world that seems to not be the way everyone around you is, have no idea how hard that is, I sooo identified with the Last Unicorn as a child. Growing up, I had no positive examples of queer people. None. I can't recall a negative example either that was explicitly queer. There was nothing for me to reference what I was going through. I was taught like all young girls in our society that being a girl is inferior to being a boy (why? Why does our society do this? Even today? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! We're not inferior to men, we never were, but for some reason some narcissistic AH somewhere decided this and then a bunch of other narcissistic idiots with power liked it and here we are living in a patriarchal misogynistic society, which is absolute BS). But I was also taught that being a boy who "wanted" to be a girl (yes I'm aware I was girl all along, though it took me a long time to understand that, because... society) was doubly bad and horrible.

So I was completely ashamed and terrified of anyone learning my secret because I was the only one and I knew it was a bad secret. I'm sure there are other things that happened that taught me this, experiences with my parents, peers, teachers. But I don't remember most of them, and I don't really need to go into it here, as the sadly important point is that I learned very young to be ashamed of myself.

No one ever talked about people like us. Ever. There were the occasional movies involving cross dressing and drag, usually men pretending to be women (notice that key word that differentiates trans people from cis people. Cis people when they cross dress in performative ways are pretending to be the opposite sex or a gender outside the binary. Trans people aren't pretending, we are the gender we identify with.) like Tootsie. I liked the movie, it was nice to see a man who could pretend to be a woman and enjoy some of it. But I never identified with that character, not in any significant life changing way. Because he was a man, he identified as a man throughout the movie and I was a girl forced to be a boy. And most other instances of crossdressing in media were treated as a joke, including Tootsie. "Hello [shame] my old friend, I've come to talk with you again." (1)

So learning I wasn't the only person in the world that felt this way was life changing. It gave me comfort, which I sorely needed. But the second part was just as important. I could actually do something about my body and I could be me. And that gave me hope. Which was sorely needed as I was spiraling downward rapidly at the time. Months later as the horrors of my body changing became more apparent I came out to my parents in desperation, which instead of recognizing me and loving and supporting me, was met w/ dismissal, and attempts to erase me and increased the shaming tenfold. But the one thing that kept me going. The one bright star in that horrible darkness was the knowledge that I could transition someday, not as soon as I'd hoped, not as soon as I needed, but someday. It felt like an eternity away, but it was there, telling me to keep surviving to keep going because I could be me when I got there.

Had I not learned of trans people, I honestly don't think I would have survived my first adolescence. I would just be another dead kid with everyone wondering why I was so depressed and weren't there any signs? (I often wonder how many of the children that manage to kill themselves are queer. Based on proportions of homeless youth, I imagine queer kids are a very large chunk of that statistic.) Just learning about the existence of trans people kept me alive. Knowing I wasn't alone and there was something I could do about it. It was horrifyingly frustrating that I couldn't do anything until I turned 18, but I would be able to do something about it. So learning about trans people saved my life.

Just that one concept, that trans people living their authentic lives existed, was enough to keep me alive. And here is the silver lining that occured to me. Despite all the negative, bigoted, horrible publicity, laws, and hate. Our existence is being talked about a lot. Which means, kids who need to know they aren't alone, that they are not the only one's that feel this way. Are finding out that we exist. Yes they'll need to do research and understand that we and in turn them are not evil, not monsters, not perverts, But beautiful amazing wonderful and caring people. And because of that, maybe. Just maybe, a few more trans kids will survive and maybe even thrive one day, because they learn they aren't alone and there is something they can do about it.

I hope so. I really hope that is the case. I also wish we didn't suffer so much that way, too many of us die. Maybe someday, that will change for the better. (1) Simon and Garfunkel, "The Sound of Silence."

[woodlandscab1n]

I'm honestly so fucking tired of the sh/p discourse and this anti-pr/ship and pr/ship shit. It's all nonsense, both sides do nothing but harm people and have zero brain.

None of them can understand Basic Media Comprehension. None of them can genuinely understand nuance. None of them genuinely want what's the healthiest or the best for people.

Plus, what even is a pr/ship and an anti anymore? There's ten million versions for every corner of the internet and every fandom. For some, antis are the ones that show porn and sexually harass children and others who don't agree with them as a way of retribution, when for me it's been pr/ships who've done that.

It's insane and none of it really makes sense anymore. Here's my stance for those who want to know.

Sexualizing kids in media is bad. But awareness around how kids sexualize themselves and how adults sexualize them isn't bad, learn to differenciate them.

Inc/st is inherently abusive, esp between parents/kids and siblings.

Ag/ g/ps are about the experience and knowledge gap, not the numbers. Which is why saying "it's only 2 years!" is weird af. A 10 year old and a 12 year old are in completely different worlds. A 16 year old and a 18 year old are also in different worlds.

Representing dark topics, talking about them and putting them on your stories doesn't make you support them. Read the actual text and see what the author is trying to say about them.

Murder and rape aren't on the same level due to how society views them. Murder is not normalized outside of fiction on the world at large, there's only desensitization which is not the same as normalization.

Everything affects everything. Fiction is a reflection of reality, that doesn't mean it's a direct reflection of it. If you make an evil character it doesn't mean that you want to do those evil actions necessarily, and if the creators does, question why they put it into this character. What was the author saying about those actions in the subtext and/or in the text?

Always ask why, how, when, what and who. Esp why and how, everything else is secondary but equally as important.

Stop basing your morals on what makes you feel icky.

Stop harassin people period. Callout posts are only under dire circumstances, not some random guy on the internet liking a disgusting ship.

Is it really that hard not to ship children and adults? You will survive, believe it or not.

Shipping implies you want to enjoy romantic and platonic relationship between them for whatever reason.

Shipping abusive relationships between adults is nuanced and you Need to look at the text or the reasons behind it before you make your callout.

Censorship is bad. Wanting to censor everything you think is icky is bad, as this as been used for so long to oppress every minority you could think of, especially queer media.

Thats all. Good bye. This was mostly to put it on my pinned.

[jiminy-crickets]

faceoff episode one thoughts and opinions <3333

YESSSS right off the bat willy is walking around Toronto with his dogs, fuck YES!!

YES PUT THE TORONTO MEDIA CIRCUS ON BLAST!!!!!!

also fucking hell, when dear god WHEN will we as a society escape biz nasty. grow up!!!!!! YOUR NAME IS PAUL!!!!!

"This place is the only place that has been home for me. Like, ive never spent so much time in one place in my life"........... william........ i am holding you gently in my hands baby.

Willy absolutely stunting on those kids, also... It is almost pathetic just how romance-horny i get seeing people being nice to kids. like, i love kids, i hope to have a bunch one day, and it makes me so frustrated to see how angry so many young people get when children dare to exist in public (like, i get being annoyed at a crying baby on a plane, but when you are giving dirty looks at a parent and a kid who are just existing in public fuck off, fuck right off with that)

also i love the shot of the puppies looking at willy and the kids in the doorway onto the ice.

like once again, seeing pasta call his kid "boss" and taking her out to the aquarium... man i love that, like pasta if you want a second 'wife' lmk!!

augh!!!!! the shots of baby pasta and baby willy!!!! TINY BABIES!!!! widde iddy bitty boys!!!

oh fuck dead dad talk.... oh, i don't. i really hope this episode isnt sad for very long because uh.... i fucking buried my grandmother on Wednesday, i can't deal with sad shit rn.

oh okay, dead dad talk is over now, yippee. but also, yikes.

the dinner together is really sweet, it does you know... feel very performative since there are cameras, but its still nice.

okay the cut from willy being like all like 'i hate playing you because we loose' to boston winning 4-1, is MUAH chefs kiss

okay, time skip to the playoffs, i knew it had to happen, but wow. bit of a jolt to the system.

i am not a leafs FAN, i am a leafs appreciator, and so... i welcome any and all footage of them looking sad.

the montage of angry tweet and voice clips of people asking when willy was is very much giving the ready for it into from the reputation stadium tour.

i wouldn't wish a migraine on my worst enemy (my worst enemy being mycobacterium tuberculosis) and fuck i forgot how fucking idiotic people were yelling about how willy wasn't playing because of a 'headache' like, no. that IS NOT what a migraine is, fuck right off.

okay i get why they are showing the game highlights along with willy cheering them on, but it FEELS like im watching a fucking react video.

omg hiiiiii PK <3333333333 ive seen you before now, but you look so cute and you are so right they aren't playing hurt they are playing injured, and its fucked up.

<3 stop fucking crying bro <3

WAIT THE SHOT OF WILLY ON THE SUBWAY IN THE TRAILER WAS HIM ON HIS WAY TO GAME SIX????? fucking iconic, also FUCK THE TTC. i hate it more than OC Transpo, which is saying something because i live in Ottawa.

the shot of him walking up the steps in the station and smiling at the bruins fan in front of him... your honour i love him!!

okay i am ALL FOR the dramatic slow mo shots of them set to dramatic music, but have them be doing something cool, not just a lame celly.

...WHO'S CAR IS HE DRIVING HOME???? SIR YOU TOOK THE TRAIN!!!

the episode is called "the best of rivals" but it should be called the william nylander show, WHERE IS PASTA!!!

OMG HIIII PASTAAAAAAA <3333 also i fucking forgot that montgomery called pasta out, fucking hell. the shit you forget in a few months.

fucking hell, now dead son talk. i can't deal with this. i fucking can't. jesus christ. at least now im crying for a real reason, not liek when i watched the new sims trailer (its death themed) two days ago and had to pause it part way through and close the tab because i was crying looking at the sims coffin.

please can the leafs get eliminated now i need to cheer up.

wait omg i forgot it was pasta who got the ot win!!!! ough the nhl scriptwriter knocked that out of the park

its realllllly hard for me to be sad for willy wen he looks like THAT, like sir, if you want me to be sad for you you're gonna need to not be flushed and covered in sweat with your hairy tits out. like. you looks like sex on legs good sir.

awwwwww nice end.

i like seeing sad willy.

and happy pasta

this is FUN, i like this!!!! although, i am fond of a good docuseries, so... i was never NOT going to like this. its fun! its dramaaaaa, and they are swearing which i miss when i watch the other BTS series that teams put out.

[thedawningofthehour]

I just saw that post from four days ago about the threats you received, and I liked how you ended it because as a teenager I can say that teenagers are stupid.

I don't like going around saying that I'm better than most people my age, but genuinely, they're all so stupid and irresponsible. I don't understand. Of course, I'm still learning, but as I've gotten more mature I've started hating kids and teenagers because of how stupid they are. Most of them don't even care if they hurt someone else but when I do I feel like the worst person in the world. And then I hide from them for the rest of my life. And developed self-worth issues that may have already been present., but that's beside the point. Teenagers and kids just don't see the reason why people try to be kind. And that sucks, because in history kids grew up way faster than we do now. Something changed, and it could be any number of things. Social Media, Public School systems (by the way, who on earth thought it was a good idea to put a bunch of irresponsible, easily influenced children with a single adult. They're learning bad habits from each other, not good ones from the teacher. It should be the other way around. Kids are meant to grow up with lots of good adult influences). There's just so much wrong with today's society. I can't even write it all.

"It is important to draw wisdom from many different places." -Iroh (ATLA)

I'm very religious, so I don't swear, drink, smoke, stuff like that, and I think those standards and my parents childhoods definitely played a part in how I think today. Of course, everyone's lives are different and anything could cause anything, but I'm really sad how unhappy and careless people are nowadays. Kids should be taught to be kind to others, not just striving for their own joy. True happiness always comes from gratitude.

(If you haven't seen it already, check out Nothing Ever Changes by Nico Collins)

The world is stupid. A lot of people are cruel, and it shouldn't be this way but people don't care enough to change. It's sad, honestly. I've really enjoyed when you touch on stuff like that in Third from the Son because I feel like someone else sees the same things I do.

Good luck navigating the absolute monstrosity that is today's world, and thanks for providing us all with such an amazing story.

- A kind of sort of maybe mature teenager.

...Well. This is a lot to unpack.

So first of all! I do not think that today's children are any stupider or less mature than my generation or the generations before. Quite the contrary-I think you guys are doing great considering the 'gestures to everything in the world'. You guys are well educated and you want to make a difference. You want the world to be better. I think that's wonderful and I'm really proud of all my younger readers.

It's just that...teenagers are dumbasses. All of them. You guys have limited experience and your brains just aren't braining all the way. Even the smartest, most mature teenager is going to be fathoms wiser in ten years-if they aren't, something's gone wrong. That's just how wisdom works. Even if you're starting with a strong base, you still need time and experience to develop that. (this circles back to my thing about Donnie doing a bunch of dumb shit in the show-because yes, he's a genius, his brain is so big it literally alters the shape of his skull, and he's also a moron because he's fourteen) I know a lot of teenagers will really dislike hearing that, lord knows I hated hearing it when I was in high school. But five years from now you're going to be a greatly improved version of yourself and you're going to look back on your current self and roll your eyes. Maybe smile with fondness. But you will be different, and hopefully you will be better. I graduated in 2013 thinking I was super wise and mature. I'm wiser now, and in 2035 I hope I'll be wiser still. (if we're even still here by then)

And the idea that 'kids grew up faster' in the past is just false. Kids worked more, sure. They got sick more, died more, experienced loss more. But the whole idea that kids were considered full-grown adults the moment they hit puberty, married off and forced to start having babies and shit? Patently false. For one thing, people historically lived in multi-generational homes, so a lot of the things we associate with 'growing up' now-moving out, supporting yourself on your own income, blahblah-just really wasn't a thing. And apart from the nobility, people didn't marry and start families much younger than they do now. It was pretty common to wait until your twenties. Late teens sometimes, but those were often "shit I'm pregnant quick marry me so we can pass the baby off as an eight pound preemie" situations. (we really underestimate how many illegitimate babies were born before birth control, in many cultures it really wasn't a big deal) Teenagers of the past had more responsibilities, yes. They were still stupid about them. And often that stupidity had bigger consequences than their dumbassery immortalized on the internet.

I'm glad those responsibilities aren't on them now. That was messed up, kids shouldn't have been responsible for raising their siblings or making sure their families were fed. I love public school. I love education, it's actually very good for children developmentally to progress with peers rather than just trying to copy adults. I think social media is very much a double-edged sword, I think there are advantages to having it but I can't deny the negative effect it has, especially on kids and teenagers. It's a complicated issue and I haven't read every study there is about it, plus I want ice cream and don't feel like going into it right now.

And dude, I graduated from a Catholic high school. I knew a lot of kids who thought their godliness and purity made them more mature and put them above their peers. For one, most of them started partying like crazy the moment they got to college and got into tons of trouble that way, but they were all still idiots. There's nothing inherently immature about cursing or drinking a beer. It's absolutely fine if you're not into that scene, I wasn't either and I'm still not. But it doesn't make you better than the people who are.

I'm sorry if this comes off as dickish, that's not my intention. When I was eighteen I also thought I was better than my classmates. I was not.

[mdhwrites]

What Are the Titles Telling People They Must Leave the Fantasy Behind?

This is a genuine question. I've gotten multiple people talking about the idea of having to leave the fantasy behind... And then no examples besides Amphibia that are modern. Gravity Falls MAYBE. I finally came up with a trend of it happening... Fifteen years ago for the last one I can really remember. Here in America we DID have a run of kids media that was about needing to leave the fantasy behind with Arthur and the Invisibles, Bridge to Terabithia, Meet the Robinsons and I kind of remember the trend dying out around when the live action Where the Wild Things Roam happened in 2009.

But... Since then, what the fuck has been doing this trope so much that people are acting like it's some big trend? After all, in modern media, accepting the fantasy world 100% is WAAAAAY more common because the modern isekai genre started in 2012 with Sword Art Online and most of those stories, funny enough SAO not included, don't even allow the option to leave the fantasy. Those are WAY more prolific than your Amphibias that go the more traditional isekai route of returning home... But only kind of.

You know the BIGGEST anime when I was young? Twenty years ago? That tackled this sort of stuff? Inuyasha... Which ends with Kagome living in both worlds. How about a secret society that a put upon child enters entirely and only leaves when he absolutely is forced to but never permanently? Hi Harry Potter. Most of the genuinely popular things I can think of, that people still talk about from the past two decades, are on the side of keeping the fantasy around or abandoning your regular life. Even Steven Universe never tries to say you have to give up on the fantasy unless that's part of Steven Universe Future.

Someone tried to argue that hey, Alice in Wonderland, Narnia, Wizard of Oz and Peter Pan all are ones that have the children coming home as part of growing up... But those are old. They're classic so they're still in our lexicon, they are still known but they're not a modern trend. Arguably, more have responded to them than followed in their footsteps in recent times.

So... Where is this coming from? Well, if I don't want to be just a dick and say it's just being defensive, or trying to justify their power fantasies as some special lesson versus this inherently corrupt one... I think it's just life.

"Stop watching TV and go outside."

"Those cartoons are only for kids."

"Remember, video games aren't real."

And a dozen other extremely condescending statements from parents that don't recognize that we're not idiots. Because until I actually had to write about this trope... I agreed. I inherently thought they were right. That this was overwhelmingly what kid's media said and pushed because it's just the right vibe, something someone else posited that I immediately agreed with while none of could as readily pull examples for it that weren't ancient.

That or it's because those stories, with their powerful lessons and well done themes stick with us more. There's a reason why we can name four cornerstones of fantasy that have done this trope... But who considers SAO a cornerstone of fantasy? Who would consider most isekai even worth remembering a year after they aired? Maybe these stories stick out more for us because they leave more of an impression? Because they have something to actually say and challenge us in a way that saying "No, the fantasy must stay," doesn't. Not as well, not until we get something that actually says it well.

So I ask again: What is making people talk like this is some overwhelming lesson put upon kids? Because I don't see it. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[opinated-user]

LO defends Sophie Labelle

on her last video "maybe politics as fandom wasn't a good idea" LO used the image of Sophie Labelle, creator of Assigned Male, as an example of "were you pedojacketing trans women online" at around 0:18.

i assume most people know by now what Sophie Labelle did that earned her the label of being a dangerous person for minors, but for those who don't here's the shortest summary: it was find out that Sophie Labelle had an secret alternative account where she published furry diaper art, since that was her fetish, and deleted it as soon it was found out. before that, some people noticed that at least one of the pictures she draw used real life baby as reference, practically tracing over it. it's highly possible that there were many other examples of this happening but the account was gone before anyone could look any deeper, as surely it was Labelle's intention. it wasn't, as LO makes it seem, "radicalized people" the ones at the front of dennouncing this outside of KF. most of the loudest voices during this "controversy" were trans survivors on twitter who were rightfully concerned because Labelle was a influential voice in leftist/trans spaces, many of which included parents of vulnerable children or children themselves. this dennouncing did little else but stop Labelle from posting more frequently. she still has her business going, many people aren't aware of what fully happened or don't realize how serious it is that she purposefully witholds information about what she did. for even more information, this post could help since it contain screenshots of the original tweet with the two pictures side by side and the response of Labelle.

i can't stress this enough: this is not information tucked away on KF anymore. it was exposed on twitter, expanded to facebook and other platforms too. many people became disgusted and dissapointed when they found out because they were fans of Labelle, they have supported her work before, they probably even share it with their own children. by dismissing all these people as "radicalized alt righters" and putting them on the same level as people who would send bomb threats to children's hospital (0:15), LO send two messages to her audience: 1. what Sophie Labelle wasn't too bad and only bad people would care that much about it, so they shouldn't be listened to. 2. "i'm being slandered just as these other two trans women and we all three are equally innocent". someone might argue that maybe LO doesn't know about the reason of the controversy and that is why she can easily dismiss it, as she indeed did when people brought it up to her. the only issue she did had with Sophie is that she is queerpositive on her works and nothing else. i remember many post like the one below that happened the day after Labelle have been dennounced on social media.

https://archive.vn/ldTR6

https://archive.vn/VAzsK

this post have been deleted from her tumblr as far i could search on her blog, even the ones that talked positively about the comic itself.

considering that we recently discovered the sankaku accounts of LO, which we know includes instances of multiple artists using real minors as references, one can't help to wonder why LO feels the need to defend Labelle and, more than that, directly put herself on the same level as her.

[acourtofthought]

Hello! all good?

English is not my native language, so I apologize in advance.

I've been following the acotar fandom for the past two years. I had just finished reading acofas when acosf was announced (I didn't use social media).

I didn't think E/riel was a couple like Nessian, it was already clear to me, I always felt that something was missing from them.

I came to like the idea of ​​Elucien, when I read acofas all my hopes were gone until the arrival of acosf.

I've read all of SJM's books, and I've come to the conclusion that forbidden (hidden) romances aren't right and the author doesn't like to work, as well as a love triangle.

(SPOILER from SJM books)

I find it curious that as e/riel is so sure that Elucien won't happen because the bond will be refused. SJM has not placed any conversations between Elucien that are significant other than what they retain.

Ruhn and Hypaxia met and there was even a flirtation, they were promised, but we saw the side of the two (pov).

Celastina married an angel. SJM said on the page that they didn't work out, but they got married and had interactions.

Bryce and Cormac get along well, are in love with each other and were VERY CLEARLY uninterested in each other through their pov and interaction.

Now Elucien hasn't even had 1% of anything similar other than a conversation they actually saw each other for the first time and other quick interactions with others around.

Elucien NEVER had the space and their pov to know what actually happened. Lucien looked anxious for Elain. She took that step. She smiled and asked if he was okay.

What a surprise it would be if she turned down a bond she NEVER sat down and talked with Lucien. If she had had moments alone getting to know each other I would understand.

SJM keeps the two away, which to me is a good sign. And to you?

Hello there!!

I agree with you that it seems very purposeful that we have never had the chance to witness a conversation between Elain and Lucien happening.

If two characters are not meant to work out then we as the reader need to understand WHY they aren't meant to work out because a mating bond isn't something that's to be carelessly tossed aside for no real reason.

As a fated mates author, you don't make two of your main characters mates (the most sacred of all unions), have them never interact then deny their bond on the sole grounds that they didn't ask for their bond.

In all of SJMs books, we are shown why two characters are not meant to be together. We witnessed why Tamlin and Feyre weren't right for one another. In the TOG series, it's clear why her FMC did not end up with certain love interests. We are told that the reason Rhys's parents bond didn't work was because the father was cold and vicious, something Lucien is not, while the mother was soft and fiery). So if we're to believe that fate chose poorly by making Elain and Lucien mates, it's not enough to say, "she just doesn't want a bond". Rhys also tells us mated pairs TRY to make it work because they believe they were given a gift and it's not until later that they realize it's sometimes a poor match.

Elain and Lucien to date have not tried and Elain has not yet let her guard down.

She doesn't want a bond because she lost her fiance. She doesn't want a bond because she had never met Lucien before that. She doesn't want a bond because she's been through traumatic experiences and therefore can't even fathom dealing with what it means to have a life long attachment to another.

But those things can change once she heals. And the only way it's going to be believable that she and Lucien aren't meant to be together is if we see they are a poor match and to date, we have never been given that opportunity.

If SJM truly plans on Elucien being the rejected bond then why hasn't she had them interact to demonstrate how they are very different people and don't connect on the important levels? As an author, it would be extremely easy to do and she could have started building her case at any point since ACOWAR. It would make their rejection of their bond more believable if it were to happen in their book.

Instead, we have Elain refusing to actually get to know Lucien therefore she doesn't actually know who it is she's currently "rejecting". We have Lucien giving Elain time and space to explore her new world and new body though he has remained faithful to her. We have him being nothing but understanding and never lashing out even when she pushes him away. We have the author continually dropping hints as to their compatibility (same sense of humor, dislike of violence, neither is aggressive or argumentative, both love nature, she craves the sun and he's the heir to Day).

If Elucien's are supposed to believe that Elain and Lucien aren't absolutely perfect for one another than why exactly has the author done nothing to convince us of this other than having Elain avoid him (something that ever single Archeron has done with their mate before accepting their bonds)?

[giants-club]

In which Arilin says pointed things about open source, open data, and social media

N.B.: As I was writing this, an entirely different kerfluffle started about Meta, Facebook's parent company, working on their own ActivityPub-compatible microblogging service. While that may be a field of land mines topic worth writing about, it's a topic for a different day.

Cohost's recent financial update revealing they are running on fumes can't help but bring to my mind what I wrote back in December:

[Cohost is] still a centralized platform, and that represents a single point of failure. If Cohost takes off, it's going to require a lot more money to run than they have right now, and it's hard to know if "Cohost Plus" will be enough to offset those costs.

I have a few friends who are Cohost partisans. While its "cram posts into 40% of the browser window width" aesthetic is claws on a chalkboard to me, it's easy to see why people like the service. They have the nice things from Twitter and Tumblr, but without the ads and the NSFW policies and the right-wing trolls and the Elons. They don't have the annoying things from Mastodon---the nerdy fiddliness around "instances" endemic to any such service, and the prickly, change-resistant and mansplainy culture endemic to Mastodon in particular. They even have a manifesto! (Who doesn't like a good manifesto?) Unfortunately, what they don't have is a business model---and unlike the vast majority of Mastodon instances, they need one.

To the degree I've become a social media partisan, it's for Mastodon, despite its cultural and technical difficulties. I'm not going to beat the federation drum again, though---not directly. Instead, I'd like to discuss "silos": services whose purpose is to share user-generated content, from tweets to photos to furry porn, but that largely lock that data in.

Let's pick two extremes that aren't social media: the blogging engine WordPress, and the furry story/image archive site Fur Affinity.

WordPress itself is open source. You can put up your own WordPress site or use any number of existing commercial hosts if you like.

WordPress has export and import tools: when you change WordPress hosts, you can bring everything with you.

WordPress has open APIs: you can use a variety of other tools to make and manage your posts, not just WordPress's website.

Fur Affinity is not open source. If FA goes away, there won't be another FA, unless they transfer the assets to someone else.

You can't move from another archive site to FA or move from FA to another archive site without doing everything manually. You can't even export lists of your social graph to try to rebuild it on another site.

FA has no API, so there's no easy way for anyone else to build third-party tools to work with it.*

Cohost is, unfortunately, on the FA side of the equation. It has no official, complete API, no data export function, no nothing. If it implodes, it's taking your data down with it.

Mastodon, for all of its faults, is open-source software built on an open protocol. Anyone with sufficient know-how and resources can spin up a Mastodon (or Mastodon-compatible) server, and if you as a user need to move to a different instance for any reason, you can. And I know there are a lot of my readers who don't dig Mastodon ready to point out all the asterisks there, the sharp edges, the failures in practice. But if you as a user need to move to a different Cohost instance for any reason, there is only one asterisk there and the asterisk is "sorry, you're fucked".

I've often said that I'm more interested in open data than open source, and that's largely true: since I write nearly everything in plain text with Markdown, my writing won't be trapped in a proprietary format if the people who make my closed-source editors go under or otherwise stop supporting them. But, I'm not convinced that a server for a user-generated content site doesn't ultimately need both data and source to be open. A generation ago, folks abandoning LiveJournal who wanted to keep using an LJ-like system could migrate to Dreamwidth nearly effortlessly. Dreamwidth was a fork of LJ's open-source server, and LJ had a well-documented API for posting, reading, importing, and exporting.

To be clear, I hope Cohost pulls out of their current jam. They seem to have genuinely good motivations. But even the best of intentions can't guarantee…well, anything. Small community-driven sites have moderation faceplants all the damn time. And sites that get big enough that they can no longer be run as a hobby will need revenue. If they don't have a plan to get that revenue, they're going to be in trouble; if they do have a plan, they face the danger of enshittification. Declaring your for-profit company to be proudly anti-capitalist is not, in the final analysis, a solution to this dilemma.

And yet. I can't help but read that aspirational "against all things Silicon Valley" manifesto, look at the closed source, closed data, super-siloed service they actually built in practice, and wonder just how those two things can be reconciled. At the end of the day, there's little more authentically Silicon Valley than lock-in.

------

*I know you're thinking "what about PostyBirb"; as far as I know, PostyBirb is basically brute-forcing it by "web scraping". This works, but it's highly fragile; a relatively small change on FA's front end, even a purely aesthetic one, might break things until PostyBirb can figure out how to brute-force the new design.

[asherlockstudy]

I think it’s all rhett. He was trying to finger girls he didn’t even like just because he liked girls. Jessie said she was underwhelmed by her wedding night when she didn’t orgasm because she’d never had an orgasm. At 20 years old, She never masturbated? Then she tweets that Christians just get married in order to have sex, like girl you of all people would be knowing that’s a lie. Meanwhile rhett has probably wanted to make a sex tape, and tells everybody outdoor sex is the best. Lmfao.

I think that's just McLaughlin hate at this point.

What I surmised from your mails is that Rhett manipulates Jessie sexually, Jessie is just a nobody with no personality, they are bad parents, they are wannabes etc I will say that I am not interested in so direct and one-sided attacks against them and their personal lives. I do analyze a lot of aspects of their life but hopefully I do it with understanding or neutrality for the most part, unless it's about their job where I think judgement can perhaps work as useful feedback.

The fact that Jessie had not done much until she was 20 doesn't mean she could not become more adventurous once she started her sex life or that Rhett must necessarily be forcing her into anything. In her society, masturbation was viewed as a sin and she could have been aversed to it for this or other reasons as a young girl. Judging her for this is just not okay. And she's like 23 years older now so a lot might have changed.

Christy is indeed a strong minded and independent woman but I don't think just because Jessie appears to be more similar to Rhett, this necessarily means she is manipulated by him. Maybe...she is just more similar. Maybe she fancies being rich and having connections and social media presence on her own, without having to be manipulated by Rhett for it, you know?

The Neals raised their children more strictly than the McLaughlins, that's a fact. I have checked Lily's social media and she's okay but it's not like I am losing my mind over her and would use her as a child raising goals role model. I don't mean anything bad about her whatsoever, to be clear, I just don't see why I would consider her so chaotically better raised than the other kids or Locke in specfic. I also don't understand why the therapist thinking Jessie needed therapy after she described an incident with Locke is an indication of how well Lily is raised. Are you sure Christy does not see a therapist or she doesn't need one?

As for the image conscious thing, well Rhett lowkey introduces himself like "Hello I am Rhett McLaughlin and I am unfortunately image conscious". So it's not like they aren't aware of it. Rhett is an impressionable person and he feels less threatened when people around him are impressionable too but are we also gonna blame him for being happy that his music project got some decent reception? And I say this while I liked only one song lol

IDK those mails felt...too aggressive and that's not my vibe tbh

[starlight-shades]

tag gamerules: favorite: movie, hobby, animal, character, color, place, season, album, food

movie: I'm one of those people who doesn't have just one favorite anything. But I tend to rewatch Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron every now and then (it was def my fave for a bit when I was a kid). I used to make my dad watch it with me whenever he stayed home to watch me when I was sick.

hobby: Does drawing count when it's what I went to school for? If not, I'll go with reading. Love a good bit of escapism. I love storytelling more generally in all sorts of forms (i.e. movies, TV, games, etc), but reading was definitely what got me started. Recently I've been reading a lot of fanfiction. Last year I kept track of all the books I read and I ended up with the insane number of 534 books read.

animal: I'm a big fan of hyenas. This is another one where I don't have just one favorite, but hyenas are where I'm sitting right now. I think that they're really neat for a variety of reasons. They're matriarchal which is super cool, and they were used in medieval bestiaries as a sort of example of sexual deviance because they were believed to be hermaphroditic (they aren't, the females just have external vaginal canals that look like a penis- it makes giving birth as difficult as you think it does). I think they're a really cool example of how nature doesn't give a fuck about human ideas of how sexual dimorphism (and subsequently gender) should work. I tend to gravitate towards animals that media tends to use as shorthand for evil bc I think it's lazy and irresponsible (I also love sharks).

character: Ghost. I do too much projecting for it not to be him. I'm deep in my COD era (this is a COD blog after all). He's just this big beefy man who is deeply traumatized and has trouble trusting people and developing deep relationships. What's not to love?

color: It's maroon. It is maroon, it has been maroon, it will always be maroon. IDC that I surround myself with pastels. If it has to be one color and not a palette, it's maroon.

place: the aquarium <3. It's just so calming (when the children are not screaming, but we listen to the children scream because they're excited and it's good for them and we're an adult and can wait until they move on so we can watch the fish in the quiet). Every now and then I'll take a day in the middle of the week when school is in session to go to the aquarium or the zoo by myself. I like watching the animals, and I don't feel bad about sitting and drawing them for like 30+ minutes when there aren't any other people who's view I'm blocking.

season: spring. When it's easiest to spend time outside. It's not too hot, and if it's chilly I can throw on a sweater. I like sitting outside in the afternoon sun and reading poetry out loud. Makes me feel like a fairy.

album: star-crossed by Kacey Musgraves. That album came out around the time I had to put down my cat, and I would just listen to it on repeat and cry. It's got a very specific grief+nostalgia combo that really hits me. It's still one of my go-tos when I need a good cry. I have playlists for when I'm happy, but that album has a special place in my heart. 'if this was a movie..' and 'camera roll' are probably my favorite songs off of it.

food: this one is hardest I think. My family is Not Great at expressing feelings, so I ended up with food as a proxy for love and care. And both my parents draw from a pretty diverse set of culinary practices for various reasons, so I've inherited it. When I'm feeling homesick, I'll cook Italian. When I'm sad or missing my brothers, I'll cook Korean. When I miss my mom, I'll make Turkish. As I'm writing this, though, I'm thinking about dumplings.

TY to @soapsdish for the tag. Idk why the formatting did that.

I don't really have any other moots I know well enough to tag, but feel free to do this if you'd like!