#Lowkey made myself cry for this one my gods

[blkgirl-writing]

Everything you written for Gale is so good 😭 I love your head cannon that he would be super needy and desperate for Tav. If requests are still open, I’d love to read about their first kiss. I’m sure there would be some major grinding involved too, considering he even does it in his sleep haha. I’m desperate to see how Gale manages to confess his romantic feelings to Tav with how nervous and cute he is.

First kisses- Gale x reader + Astarion x reader

This seemed just too perfect to not also do for Astarion, I hope you don't mind, anon!

Gale:

Gale had a bad habit of licking and biting his lips when he was nervous. Tara usually was there to swipe at him when he started, but she wasn't here to regulate him this time, instead, his lips started to peel, which only made him self-conscious. This never-ending loop is what made him want to put off anything more than longing glances, midnight cuddles by the fire as an excuse to keep warm, and occasionally connecting your pink fingers together as a reminder, that you're both alive.

But he really, really wanted to feel your lips on his, feel your soft touch on his jaw, cradle your waist. So that night by the fire, when all others were asleep, and it was just you and him staring up at the stars, he looked at you, with such brightness and care, you nearly melted away, but he held you together, with words of beauty coming from his lips. How wonderful you looked under the starlight, how he wished to suspend time so you could live in these peaceful, unharming moments forever. How he wished to kiss you.

A silence fell between you for a second, before you reached out and kissed his cheek, a small blush appearing on his face. It didn't take but a few seconds for him to lean in closer to you, only a small gap between your lips, waiting, for you to let him in fully.

Sparks flew when your lips touched, he swore it, every time he retold the tale of your first kiss. He said he knew in that moment you were his forever.

Astarion:

Looking back, the first kiss you shared wasn't when you first had sex, that was an exchange for safety, no, it was when he opened his heart to you, ready for judgment, but you had shown him love, instead. It was unfamiliar. Astarion was taken aback by your embrace, tight and long, and he realized he had never felt such kindness in this world, when he was alive or after he had died and been reborn, no one had shown him true acceptance, until right then.

His fingers played with your hair, his other hand at the very bottom of your back, when he leaned away he pressed his index finger below your chin, lifting your head off of his shoulder, and asked to kiss you. Your lips felt like serenity, finally peace in his world, where there were no intentions from either person, just love.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

@shyminnie07 @makers-breath @claryvoyantfray @black-sapphic @fapqueen

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

(Consider supporting me on Ko-fi)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

[that-was-anticlimactic]

there’s something so sacred about sharing what you love with others: whether it be a song or food or clothes, a show or a movie or pictures. it's just... such a deep and personal thing, you know? having someone carve out a little part of their heart and gift it to you with an abundance of joy and excitement and passion... yeah.

[chiistarri]

imsoo normal about guys byw

[achromaticegoist]

THE BOOK OF BILL TINY RANT (SPOILERS)

STOP. I CAN'T DO THIS TUMBLR. okay okay, I GOT IT DELIVERED LIKE 3 HOURS AGO AND I COMPLETELY FINISHED IT 😭😭😭🙏

I ACTUALLY CAN'T DO THIS ANYYYMOREEE. I SWEAR TO GOD I WAS GIGGLING, KICKING, SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF THE ENTIRE TIME READING THIS STUPID THING.

Did ALEX LIKE, *SCROLL* through FANDOM while making this entire thing BECAUSE WHY DID SO MANY PEOPLE LOWKEY EAT WITH THEIR OLD HEADCANONS? SUPPOSED TO BE THE DEATH OF ALL OUR HEADCANONS RIGHT??? EVERYONE PREDICTED AT LEADT SOMETHING LMFAOOOOO.

AND IF ANY OF YALL FOLLOW GRAVITY FALLS : AMBER SKIES BY JOZLYN MOON, THE POST WEIRDMAGGEDON SCAR THING BEING A PREDICTION IS FUCKING *CRAAAZY*

AND THE FACT THAT THEY KEPT COMPATING HIM TO THE DEVIL AND SHIT, LUCIFER REFERENCES AND "FALLEN ANGLE?" MY GUYYYYY the actual BALLS it takes to write this because I GASPED SO LOUDLY AT SO MUCH SHIT.

AND I WAS SUPER DAMN EXCITED ABOUT THE HENCHMANIACS ONE

GUYS THEYRE SO FUCKING STUPID 😭😭😭😭😭😭🙏 WHY ARE THEY ALL SO STUPID 😭😭😭😭 IM DYING OF LAUGHTER

SO MANY PEOPLE LOWKEY GOT SOME KIND OF BEEF WITH PYRONICA?? WHY ARE THEY SO INVOLVED WITH HER??? THEY HAVE A GROUPCHAT OH MY GOD THEYRE SO BESTIE CODED

Again I'm STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT JHESELBRAUM THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I WILL SURVIVE ON THESE CRUMBS SO DAMN MUCH

TIME BABY IS A FUCKING COCOMELON ENJOYER 😭 HELPPPPPPPPP

GGGGGUYYYYS? WHAT? OH MY GOD?? WHAT THE FUCK?? IM SCREAMIGN. NO NONONO YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME THE ANGST.

AND NO. THE WAY BILL AND FORD HERE WERE FUCKKKK THATS SOME GOOD FUCKING TOXIC BILLFORD. DUDE NAH IM LIKE GASPING FOR AIR RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HOLY SHIT SOME OF THE STUFF HERE IS SICK BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT LIKE

AND THE

IM FREAKING

AAAA

FORD DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER THOSE PAGES MADE ME TEAR UP A LITTLE 😭😭😭🙏 NOOOOO

AND THOSE *SCRAPS* OF BILL'S BACKSTORY. GUYS CHAT NO I AM SCREAMING. SILLY STRAW CHILDHOOD TRAUMA LOWKEY WENT HARD AND HIS FAMILY AND THE *FUCKING SPECK OF HIS HOME DIMENSION*.

THAT ONE LITTLE TV SCREEN WITH THE EDWIN A ABBOT FLATLAND DIAGRAM IN THE BOOK THOUGH NAH CUZ FANDOM ATE WITH THAT ONE.

AA. AAAAAAAA. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AND WHAT THE FUCK 😭🙏🙏 DIPPERS HISTORY WAS SO FUNNY I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING BRO ALSO WENT THROUGH THE GREEN MNM STAGE

AND IM NOT EVEN GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE COLLEEN BALLINGER***** APOLOGY REFERENCE THAT SHIT WAS SO DAMN FUNNY.

ALSO THE ENDING??? WHAT THE--THERAPY? NO BRCUASE THIS IS ACTUALLY SOME MESSED UP THERAPY SHIT. That is NOT how you try and heal someone holy fucking hell. Guy is getting more and more broken

CHAT I AM SOBBING AND SHAKING AND CRYING AND READY TO IMMERSE MYSELF FULLY IN THE GRAVITY FALLS FANDOM RN, STILL VERY MUCH ACTIVE IN HAZBIN HOTEL BUT GOD MOTHERFUCKIN DAMMMMMMMMNNNN THIS IS SOMETHING TO UNPACK.

[strniohoeee]

reader breaks up with her bf bc she finds him cheating on her so she goes to the triplets house crying and chris comforts her

What Did I Do?

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader (friendship)

Synopsis: Receiving a DM that your boyfriend of two years has been cheating on you practically the whole relationship is something nobody ever wants. But sadly it was Y/N’s reality 🥀

Warnings⚠️: None, I lowkey went off script? Mannn idkkkkk. I wish time travel was real…(side note LMFAO)🤭

Song for imagine: Black Cab- Lola Young

Did I say something to make you fall

Out of love?

Makes me want to throw up

And I did

Isn't it funny how life can change in an instant? You could have everything you’ve ever wanted swiped from right under you. I prayed many nights that that wouldn’t be my fate. Begging the universe? God? Anyone really to finally let me have peace in my life.

So as I sat here with my stomach in a pit of anger and hurt, I sat cursing the Gods. What did I ever do to deserve an outcome like this? Love is truly a losing game. My blinking back tears as the messages just kept coming. One ping after another. Never thought I would get a ‘hey girly’ text, but hey there's a first for everything.

Betrayal, hurt and sadness lingered in my chest as my breathing began to shallow out. Videos, pictures and text messages of my boyfriend (soon to be ex) had in fact been cheating on me for the past year and a half of our two year relationship. Watching the videos and reading the messages made me physically sick. My tears fell instantly, but soon the disgust settled in. And shortly after was the extreme anger.

My leg bounced anxiously as I bit my nails, waiting for Lee to get home. Rarely ever did he see me truly angry, but lord did I want to key his car and spit in his face…. Hey maybe even smash his phone and then his car windows.

Too deep into my thoughts as my nails tapped the dining room table I hadn’t noticed Lee got home. Dropping his keys into the bowl left by the front door. I blinked back to reality and my leg began bouncing again as my nostrils flared.

“Hey baby” Lee smiled as he caressed my head and kissed my forehead before heading behind me to the fridge.

My silence clearly bothered him as I heard a small scoff. Seems ironic for him to be annoyed…. Not like hes been fucking another girl behind my back for most of our relationship.

“No hello? What's your issue?” He asks as he cracks his drink open, I was immediately annoyed

And now it was my turn to sigh

“A year and a half? Really Lee?” I asked slowly standing up

“What are you talking about?” He asks laughing

“PLEASE! Please don’t act fucking stupid” I replied shutting my eyes to calm myself down

“I really don’t know what's going on. Did I forget our anniversary?” He states again laughing once more

“Let me jog your memory sweetheart” I state opening my phone and offering him a smile

“Hey Y/N, I know you don’t know me, but I wanted to let you know Lee and I have been dating for a year and a half. I found out the other day you guys have been together for two years” I read to him

“ I mean poor girl you played us both you sick bastard” I replied looking up at his smug face

“Y/N… baby you have actually lost your mind. I can’t believe you’d believe some random jealous girl on the internet” He states shaking his head and chuckling

“You will not gaslight me baby” I said mocking his attitude

“Because I have plenty of proof, would you like to see it” I asked him opening my phone again

“Please enlighten me’’ he states crossing his arms over his chest

Oh man was this information going to have his head spinning faster than he can respond to me.

“Oh look what we have here, your phone number in her phone, oh and look at this “I miss you baby” “Can’t wait to take you to Vegas for our one year” “You looked so hot last night at dinner” “When can I see you?” “ I stated as I began to sniffle and tears began to fall from my eyes.

“And there’s more, let's keep reading some more shall we. You left me stranded alone with my sick aunt because you went to stay with her. You’re a fucking dog man! When I needed you the most because my aunt was dying you were in Tulum with this girl. I can not believe you.” I stated scrolling through the DM

“ I think you need some time alone” he stated looking at me wide eyed

“ That’s all you have to say?” I asked him

“This information is easily false” He replied

“Are you fucking kidding me? You know what isn’t false? These fucking pictures” I replied storming over to him

Showing him the pictures of him and that girl naked in bed.

“That's fake Lee? Huh? That’s fucking fake?” I asked him as I jabbed him in his chest with the corner of my phone

“Yeah you can fake messages, but you can not fake those photos. I know what your naked body looks like and so does that girl for a year and a half” I state backing away from him

I sat there basically begging for a why and all he could do was stare at me like I was crazy. I have never seen this side of him and it was making me physically sick

“Why aren’t you talking? WHY AREN’T YOU TALKING? WHY AREN’T YOU REACTING” I screamed at him

His lack of emotions sent me over the edge in to a fit of rage.

“You are a sick fucking man. How could you be with both of us? You can’t have your cake and eat it too” I stated glaring at him

“Looks like I did” He replied smuggly

My face dropped and all I could do was stare at him with no emotions. My heart was shattering even more than it already had. My eye twitched in anger. His face became very punchable.

“Get the fuck out” I replied as I stared at him blankly

Rolling his eyes he grabbed his stuff and headed to the door. Running up behind him I snatched his keys and slid the key to MY house off.

Throwing the keys back at him, they hit the floor and as he picked them up from the floor he looked up at me.

“All your shit will be outside by tomorrow, pick it up and stay the fuck out of my life” I state blankly as I held the door open for him

Before he could fully get out the door I slammed it against him. Hitting him hard as he stumbled down the first step. A grunt of pain left a smile on my face.

Shortly after I got in my car, allowing the silence to overtake me. Tears falling down my face as I screamed. The silence rattled as I banged my fist against the steering wheel. I was so angry and hurt. Yet I found myself driving to the one place I knew I’d find comfort.

Putting my car in park, I made my way to their front door. Ringing the doorbell I sat on their front step. Mascara ran down my face as I trembled from the cold. The tears never ending leaving a blurry view of the front door.

Thirty seconds later the front door opened.

“Hey Y- Woah! What happened, are you okay?” Chris asks me as he yanks me inside, locking the door behind us

“He cheated” I replied crying and falling to my knees at the end of their stairs

“What?” He asked getting nervous

“Chris he’s been cheating for a year and a half, Lee threw our two year relationship down the drain. I can’t believe this” I replied hyperventilating

Stooping down to my level Chris began to rub my back. Cooing me as he listened to my sobs

“Take your time, you don’t have to talk about it” He replied as he helped me up to walk up the stairs

“I saw the messages and the videos and the pictures. I feel so gross he was two timing me basically our whole relationship. I’m so dirty I can’t believe this” I choked out as we made it down to his room.

“No do not say that! You are not dirty or gross. Lee is the scum of this earth for cheating on you” He says as he held me in his arms

“Anybody who cheats on their significant other is a piece of shit, but especially if they cheat on someone like you. Y/N you are an amazing person and you deserve way better than Lee” He states as he rubs my back

“No I don’t” I replied muffled by the fabric of his hoodie

“Yes you fucking do. Do not let that piece of shit define your love life from now on. You will find a better man who will respect you and love you for you. A man who won’t cheat on someone like a dumb ass coward” he stated as he pulled me away

“I just can’t believe he would do such a thing” I replied looking up at Chris and wiping my nose

“His name is Lee and he has to take liquid medicine because he’s too pussy to swallow a pill. You my friend will be just fine” Chris replied laughing, his statement made me laugh because it was indeed true. And that made me realize how pathetic Lee truly is.

“There’s that radiant smile of yours” He says winking at me

“So keep your head up because he is not worth a drop of your tears or a waste of your breath” He says to me as he hugs me once more

“Thank you Chris for always being there for me” I replied offering him a warm smile

“Always Y/N, you are my bestfriend and seeing you hurt kills me” He replied wiping my tears from my eye.

“Now how are you planning to get him back?” Chris asks smirking evilly

“Noo I won’t do that” I replied shaking my head

“Oh come on! The queen of getting people back since we were kids?” He replied cocking an eyebrow at me

Glancing up at him I smirked at him, Racking my brain for an idea

“On second thought there is one thing we can do” I replied getting Chris in on the revenge scheme

The next morning before Lee came back to pick his stuff up from my house. Chris and I threw his belongings on the side of the street. Pouring syrup and glitter all over everything. Laughing as we did it because we knew everything was virtually ruined.

Tossing his expensive items from the second floor balcony. Saying “whoops” every time we chucked something over the railing.

Keeping everything I purchased him, so I could resell everything. Let’s just say Lee wasn’t very happy about his destroyed items and especially when he found out I was keeping the items I purchased him.

Chris made me feel better and ultimately forget all about Lee and his cheating bitch ass.

What would I do without an amazing friend like Chris……

The End

Thank you all sooo much for the support and sticking by me🥺🖤🖤. I really love yall 😭💕💕💕

-J💅🏽

[snowyquokka]

MISSED YOU

written based off of the pictures above and my chronic need to be choked

seungmin x afab!reader

cw: smut w an attempted plot MDNI, established relationship, choking, reader is touch starved kinda robbed yall (lowkey lost motivation to write this one), unprotected piv (stay safe out there) dry humping for like two sentences, crying over being aforementioned touch starved + over writing an essay, shitty grammar (as per usual), no aftercare but it’s implied.

wc: 1k words

A.N- the longest one i’ve written on this account !! feel free to give feedback. muah <3

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

“Fuck,” you groan and drop your head onto the table. You’ve been trying (and failing) to write an essay for 3 days now and the deadline is 2 days away. You’ve made zero progress due to just being stressed. Part of the stress is from not being able to even touch your boyfriend, Seungmin. He’s been on tour and it’s quite literal torture to you since your love language is physical contact.

Yes you’re able to have to an occasional Facetime where you both pleasure yourselves in front of the other but of course it’s not the same. You miss waking up on top of his chest as it rises slowly. You miss the way he smells.

And god do you miss his dick. The thought makes you feel so shitty but it’s the truth. You miss his deep groans and the way he sounds when he’s pushing you towards your orgasm.

You miss his tongue and the amount of skill he has when he’s going down on you.

And his long, slender fingers curling up in your pussy to hit your sweet spot.

Instinctively you rub your thighs together, arousal beginning to soak your panties. You swallow audibly and close your eyes.

“Fuck this,” you mumble as you shut your laptop and softly pad into your bedroom before slipping into one of Seungmin’s hoodies and crawling into bed.

You lay there for a few moments just staring at the ceiling as tears trickle down your cheeks. You feel pathetic for crying over something as miniscule as this. Though it doesn’t feel very minuscule to you.

~

You wake up to the feeling of someone stroking your hair, startling you a bit. You look up to see Seungmin beaming down at you.

“Hi, sleeping beauty. Did you mi-“ you cut him off by throwing your arms around him and immediately reveling in his scent. You inhale deeply as you relax into his arms.

“You’re actually here. I- I thought you still had another week.” you mumble into the crook of his neck. He chuckles and wraps his arms around your waist.

“Yeah that was my fault, I got the dates wrong.” you pull back slowly as you’re suddenly very aware of the wetness that is still sticking to your bare thighs. Seungmin’s eyes flicker from your lips to your chest as he pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth. You clear your throat awkwardly and pull away from him completely.

“I’m gonna go get some water,” you move to stand up but are immediately dragged back down into Seungmin’s lap.

“I’m not stupid, bubs,” he mumbles into your ear as he trails his fingers over your slick thighs. “My precious baby, ready for me as soon as I get home.” Seungmin chuckles and presses a kiss in your hair.

You cringe and rest your forehead on his shoulder in an attempt to cover your scarlet face. “I-I’m sorry. I’ve been thinking about you and I’m stressed about college. But I followed the rules and didn’t touch myself without your permission.” you rush through your words, leaving you out of breath.

Seungmin’s hand creeps up your back underneath his hoodie. “Let me help you.” you whimper softly in return.

He smiles down at you as he removes his hand from your back and gently grinds your hips against his. You let out a surprised groan and throw your head back on his shoulder.

“Relax, let me take care of you baby.” he rolls your hips over his bulge again. He inhales deeply and tilts your head up to kiss him. He lets out a groan as he tastes you on his tongue.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t dream about the feeling of your curves under his palms the entire time he was away. He couldn’t look at a picture of you without getting hard. So as he pushes you back on the bed and removes your top, he plays out everything he fantasized about for a month.

Seungmin dipped down to kiss you once he undressed you and himself. While you were distracted he pushed two fingers grinning as you moan into his mouth.

“You make the most lovely sounds bubs, wonder how long it’ll take for me to make you lose your voice.”

“Why don’t you try and find out?” you say through broken gasps. Seungmin retracts his fingers from your core and swirls his tongue around them.

“You think I should? Can you handle it?” he asks seriously. No matter how dominant he gets he always makes sure that you are comfortable with whatever he’s going to do. The last thing he wants is to hurt you.

“Please, baby,” you grab his right hand and kiss his palm before looking up at him. “I want this-“ you guide his hand slowly towards your neck “-here.”

“You’re absolutely positive?” you nod in agreement and watch as your boyfriends eyes darken and fill with pure, unadulterated lust. He tightens his grip slightly and kisses you sloppily. It’s so chaotic and has absolutely no rhythm whatsoever, but that only makes it better.

At this point Seungmin’s dick is so hard that it hurts. He hasn’t been able to get off well in an ungodly amount of time.

You notice the distressed expression on his face as he pulls away and grab his cock, his hand still wrapped around your neck.

You stroke him a few times before he grabs your wrist with his free hand and pushes it away. Lining his tip up with your entrance, he lets out a small breath before sliding into you gently, the large amount of arousal dripping down your thighs producing lewd noises that echo through the room.

“Ah, fuck,” you stumble. Seungmin pushes into you completely. You bite your lip to stifle the loud moans you know are trying to escape.

“Do you like to have the ability to walk? Open that pretty little mouth and let me hear you.”

You continue to stay silent, overwhelmed by the sheer volume of pleasure that you’re experiencing. This only eggs Seungmin on. He applies more pressure against your neck and thrusts into you harder, trying to get any and every sound out of you.

“I can do this all night, y/n. Judging by the way you already looked fucked out, I’m guessing you can’t, so I suggest you start listening to me.”

[whosavaidkher]

All I Wanted Was You

Lucifer Morningstar X fem reader

song to listen to while reading:

warning: death, mentions of bl00d, angst, mentions of insecurity and self hate, reader being a people pleaser.

A/N: This is lowkey a self reflection but ignore that 😭 if you feel anyway similar like this fic, pls know that u can vent 2 me <3, also I forgot abt the poll I made😭, Hope u enjoy!!

It was 2am and you had just gotten into a argument with one of your friends about how your too selfless and a "people pleaser". Currently, you're trying to desperately call Lucifer to come and pick you up as you sob in the pouring rain in Hell. Lucifer finally answers.

"Sweetie? What's wrong, my dear?" Lucifer says nervously as he hears you sob on the phone. "Please just come pick me up.. I'll explain later.. Just please.." You say in tears as he immediately hangs up and rushes to pick you up. As soon as he finds you, he rushes to you and flies you home. When you guys arrive home. He sets you down to talk. "Sweetie, what happened? Please, I'm not forcing you to tell me, only if you want to, my dear.." Lucifer mumbles as he holds you in his arms, like you were the most precious and delicate person in all of heaven and hell. You didn't wanna tell him cause you knew he would be disappointed and sad, and you hated to see anyone feeling that way. You always let people vent or talk to you, letting their feelings out. If anyone wanted to be mean, you'd let them be mean to you, you could take it. You could take all the judgement and pain that they give you and not care. You were stronger than people gave you credit for. That's what everyone thought. You finally opened your mouth and started to talk to Lucifer.

"Sometimes I just feel like.. My whole life is about making the people I love happy and not about me.. Like I couldn't care less about myself, just what others think of me.. Always trying to change myself for society to like me, but they never do.." You say with tears and your voice breaking, shattering into pieces. Lucifer looked into your eyes and immediately his heart sank, not a feeling of disappointment or dissatisfaction in his mind. Only shocked. He would do anything for you, his darling, his sweetheart. And the way he didn't know about this made him feel terrible. Shockingly, he wasn't angry when he spoke. "My dove, please don't ever think that way.. You don't have to please anyone or make anyone happy, don't break bones or damage yourself for a few compliments or smiles from people." Lucifer says as he gently hugged you and let you cry it out in his arms. "Really..?" You mumbled as he caressed your lovely hair and admired your true, non fake self.

"Yes.. I will love you no matter what, angel or sinner, in heaven or hell, dead or living, angel or god. I would rip every crevice of earth, Venus, Saturn, even hell for you. I love you more than any species ever created." Lucifer says proudly and gently, cupping your cheeks as he kissed and wiped away your tears. He held you in his arms as you two slept peaceful st night.

Days later, you would find yourself surrounded by angels, Lucifer standing by your side. He was fighting an angel until he suddenly saw you stabbed right in your filled with love heart. He ran towards you as you dropped to the ground, a loud thud as the demons glanced from afar as they fought. You placed his hand on your chest to feel your heartbeat go from speeding to slowing down. His face dropped and felt every bone in his body tense up. Tears ran down his face as you slowly opened your lips. "Just lean on my arms and break my heart.. Maybe in another universe, I can make every one satisfied.." You whispered as you took your final breath and your eyes shut.

"You already did.. In every universe, I love you and will be in every single universe with you.." Lucifer whispered to you as his tears flooded on your bloody body, holding you close like he always did.

[internetaddict104]

My live thoughts on Deadpool and Wolverine

* I’m torn between wanting to fangirl over the fight scene and wanting to sing and dance to *NSYNC

* Also I’m crying at the shots of DP doing the Bye Bye Bye choreo cut into the fight 😂

* The Iron Man helmet covering Tom in the photo with RDJ 😂

* Hearing Matthew Macfayden’s natural British accent is so jarring after watching Succession

* Wait I’m so confused on how Wade was interviewing for an Avengers position with Happy on Earth 616 and then it cuts to 6 years later on Earth 10005

* Wambsgans being the villain is insane

* This movie takes place within 3 days?

* DID THEY JUST REFERENCE THE OSCAR SLAP

* The little cgi Logan is so jarring

* *turns around* “I’m Marvel Jesus you dull creature and I-“ *gets bitch slapped by the Hulk and dies*

* HENRY CAVILL WOLVERINE VARIANT HOLY SHIT

* CHRIS EVANS?!?!?!?!?!

* IT IS CHRIS I’M FUCKING CRYING I LEGIT JUST STARTED SMILING

* JOHNNY STORM CHRIS EVEN FUCKING BETTER

* Did he just die

* I knew Wolverine was gonna just slice Sabretooth’s head off but I’m still sad there wasn’t any real fight

* Oh thank God Johnny is still alive

* Wait where’s the rest of the og FF? Where is my Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, and Michael Chiklis???

* Fuck she killed Chris 😭 I knew it was coming but it still hurts

* Why do I lowkey feel like whatever this Logan did to fuck up his world is gonna be something jokey and/or stupid

* Lady in Red playing during Dogpool’s intro 😂

* Also I did not know Dogpool was a girl

* The intro to The Greatest Show on the radio 😂

* There’s a lot of random music in this movie and idk if I’m really feeling it

* I saw a Scarlet Witch statue… 👀

* Oh shit Garner Elektra

* WESLEY SNIPES?!?!?!?! IS HE REAL OR CGI

* CHANNING TATUM GAMBIT ❤️❤️❤️

* My jaw literally dropped for these 3 I’m dead serious

* Oh this is where X23 comes in

* Wait is this Laura the same one from Logan or is she a variant

* So he’s the worst Logan because he went to a bar and the rest of the XMen got killed by humans? That’s so stupid he wasn’t even there like he didn’t lead the humans to them or run away

* Should I know who the purple girl with Cassandra is bc I feel like I should they keep focusing on her

* Should I know the bearded guy in the striped tank top bc they keep focusing on him too and I don’t recognize him

* Wait so Logan did run away when the XMen were attacked?

* Wait Logan betrayed the XMen?

* Huh so the portal was just white anyway it wasn’t an editing trick to hide anything in the trailer

* I know I should know who Pyro is but I don’t 😭

* Did they digitally elongate Emma Corrin’s fingers bc they look way too long

* Cassandra without the coat looks so sickly idk why the coat made her look fuller

* Logan’s disgusted look when Wade and Dogpool reunite 😂

* Oh I was wondering when Ladypool would show up

* I need to know if any famous actor is in the Deadpool Corps

* Logan holding Dogpool as far away from him as possible like a dirty dishrag 😂 he’s so disgusted by this dog

* WAIT LADYPOOL SOUNDS LIKE BLAKE

* Why is Kidpool a girl

* Cowboy Deadpool sounds familiar too who is he

* THE COWL 😭❤️

* I can’t make out what Blind Al says during the Deadpool fight and I really wanna know what she says 😭

* PETERPOOL

* So Logan is gonna sacrifice himself isn’t he

* Yeah I knew Wade would go in Logan’s place over the heartfelt speeches began

* And Wade isn’t gonna die he can’t he’s too popular

* Oh they both went

* Logan’s top disintegrating 😂

* “You look damn good in that suit” “I’m so sorry” I love Peter

* Wait that’s so cute they’re all in the main universe now (or Wade’s universe idk if they’re the same yet or not)

* I need to find the post credits scenes apparently they were leaked online but I can’t find them anywhere please I wanna watch them I read what they are but I still wanna see them myself

[senpiecakes]

A Love Not Meant to Be: Childe

Notes: I saw this in my drafts, and I haven't posted anything in this series for a while so I was like 'fuck it, I'm gonna finish it.' (lowkey this made me cry while I listened to the song)

Summary: Hated by everyone, loved by you.

Theme/s: GN!Reader, Angst No Comfort, the world hates you both

Warning/s: Some very mean words from the world. That's about it.

Once More to See You by Mitski

5.5k Words

“I’ll protect you.”

Childe is known to be protective of those he loves. He goes out of his way to spin elaborate lies for his youngest brother to protect his innocence, he makes sure to keep his whole family out of harm's way because of his job, and he will strike down any enemy that dares to threaten his loved ones. In all of that, there was you. You loved Childe dearly, and it was clear he had the same feelings for you. Childe shows you off to his subordinates, pampers you with his wealth and makes sure you’re top priority always. That included your safety. Everywhere you went, bodyguards kept a close distance, if you were out with Childe, he’d keep a secure arm around you, even at home he’d make sure you’re safe- especially when you’re alone. All that you could trust him in. Childe only sees threats in the form of enemies, never in the common folk that walk with you in the streets day to day. 

‘There goes that Fatui’s hound.’

‘Can you believe they’re actually WITH a Harbinger?’

‘I bet you they’re kidnapped or blackmailed.’

Everyday, hushed voices would throw scorn at you and Childe as you passed. You knew of the world’s disdain for the Fatui but you also knew Childe. He was sweet, caring, protective and you knew in your heart he would never hurt you. But you were also aware of his reputation; his strength in battle, his ability to harm warranted or not, his sworn duty to an Archon planning to rid the world of Gods. It was only fair of people to have their opinions about Childe. But you knew deep down how much the man can love- if the rest of the world saw him through your eyes, maybe their opinions of him would change. People feared him, but they had the gall to throw their cowardly vices towards you.

Some days, you tell your bodyguards to lay back for a while, that you can handle yourself while you grocery shop. Despite your commands, they follow you. On those days when you appear to be alone, people made it clear how much they truly hated the man you loved. They would be more vocal about their jeers, going as far as to tell you directly that you should be ashamed for being with him. You’d defend Childe with all that you can and that usually results in many unsavory exchanges.

People refusing to sell you things in fear that Childe may target them, some barring you from their business with the most ridiculous reasons, others even outright mocking you. That’s when your bodyguards step in and you fear that it only escalates things further- that you had to be kept within a wall.

‘I knew you’re a coward, hiding behind that Fatui freak.’

You don’t really think much about these encounters, never speaking a word about it to Childe until your bodyguards inform him of all that’s happened.

“Do you want me to deal with them?” He asks you one night.

“What? No! I can handle myself.” You say.

“Well, alright. Just tell me if anything else happens, okay?”

In truth, you knew if Childe stepped in it would make things worse. You didn’t want him to shoulder all the weight and responsibility of keeping those he loved safe. He already has so many stresses happening at once, one more problem could send him over the edge. And so, you bore through it because you loved him. It was all that you needed.

It was until strange things started happening around your home- the place where you felt the most secure. Rocks thrown at your windows, strangers standing only a few feet away from your doorstep, light acts of vandalism appearing on your property. Only then did you start fearing for your life. You brought the issue up to Childe who kept guard throughout the night, but miraculously, nothing ever happens when he’s at home. It’s only when you’re by yourself that people seem to go out of their way to take out their frustrations of Childe onto you. You didn’t think that people could be so cruel. Then again, they had a reason to hate Childe- but they had no excuse to show their hatred through you. 

Childe always noticed your fears. As much as he tried to relieve it, the world always seemed to push his efforts away. Even as he volunteers to deal with the problem himself, you hold him back. As much as it angers him to see you look so vulnerable, he knows it’ll only make things worse. 

Things came to a boiling point when Childe suggested you two take a walk together around town to take your mind off of things. You were reluctant to be seen with him, which was silly but reasonable. In the end, you agreed and Childe was more observant in his surroundings more than ever. His head was held up high, scanning the crowd who turned away as they met his cold gaze. You on the other hand kept your eyes low on the ground, fearing that someone would be brave enough to cross Childe’s wrath. He noticed this, noticed your shying away as if you were embarrassed to be seen with him, and he could do nothing to ease you of your worries.

It’ll only make things worse.

As you walked, Childe led you away to a place with little to no people- a place where you can breathe. He savors this moment with you. He never really has time to be at home so Childe always makes sure to spend as much time with you as he can, pouring out his heart when he’s absent during the night when you sleep.

“You know, you’re the realest thing I’ve had in a while.” Childe says, taking your fingers in his hands. “Thank you.” He looked at you and was surprised to see your face. Quick was your change of expression- a look of fear as you glanced down at his hand, then back up at Childe. Your eyes, wide and worried, wandering around the near-empty streets as you took your fingers away by impulse and smiled awkwardly.

“Ah… well, let’s get going before it gets too dark.”

It was clear how much of a toll the fear had on you. You barely went out to shop anymore, spending your days and nights locked up in your house, counting down the days for Childe’s return from a mission. He worries about you, even more so when you start acting differently towards him. You’re silent, shrinking away from his touch, never wanting to go out for dinners and always afraid of seeing him off- even if it was just at your front door. You worried about your long term future with him. You wanted life with Childe to be normal- that one day if would just be the two of you living a mundane but peaceful life. Childe was angry and heartbroken; angry at the fact that he is powerless to change the minds of people, to stop them from seeing his infamy through you. Heartbroken at the fact that you drift away because of the very same people that convince you that loving him was a sin. Childe needed to take you out of there.

And so, you move. He takes you to his missions and you find temporary housing in whatever nation his job lands him in. You thought you could handle it, that starting fresh would be what’s best, but it seemed that this lifestyle was far more exhausting than the one you had before. You never had a home; whenever you felt comfortable in your new living space, Childe always finishes up his mission before you even get the chance to look around the place. You don’t get to stay for long anyways; the longer you stay, the more people recognize Childe and soon you are back in the cycle of hate. As much as Childe tried to keep you from harm's way, it never felt safe. It was draining, but you held on for Childe’s sake. He just wanted to keep you safe.

“Let’s go back home to Snezhnaya.” Childe suggested one night. “I think it’ll be good for both of us.” You knew why Childe wanted to go back home. He needed peace away from the dangers of his duty and you were more than happy to be there with him. Still, you can’t really shake off the paranoia you’ve acquired after running away for so long.

“What about your work?” You ask.

“I’ve requested a time off. I’ve been doing great anyways.”

“We can’t stay with your family.” You say silently, looking down at your hands. “We can’t risk it. After all the places we’ve been, people are bound to recognize me now.” 

“I know.” Childe responds. “I rented us a cabin in the forest. Just the two of us.”

Soon enough, you found yourself in the winters of Snezhnaya, in a little wooden cabin surrounded by tall trees, blanketed by snow under the dome of endless sky. It really was just the two of you. Childe watches in adoration as you feel yourself feeling free for the first time in a while. He smiles as you do back at him, bounding through the snow and into his open arms. 

Childe hasn’t felt you this close in so long. He’s gone on nights and on days you’re withdrawn. He wants to get carried away with you. Your comforting embrace was almost enough to send him over the edge.

“I missed you.” He whispers in your ear, tone mirroring that of a desperate man waiting to be satisfied.

He wants to devour you like a wolf; caught between your teeth and tongue like a ravaged, hungry animal waiting for the warmth that comes with death as soon as he takes the first bite. And all that Childe has ever known was hunger; to hunt and to take what was never given to him. He will kiss till you are breathless, till your skin burns with desire and lips shed the blood he once ravaged others to get- to release the tension built up in his bones when he failed to protect you from the world. But he is in your hands. He’d let you tame him if it meant he’d get to feel your love like the way he used to.

Tonight, as you spare him a fluttering kiss, sweet like candy and warm like the blood he craves- Childe falters. You barely have your lips on his, but as soon as he feels the delicate brush of your skin, the slight exhale through your nose on his cheek as if to say you feel secure, Childe is at the mercy of the prey that was once in his control. He will not bite the hand that feeds him, and so, he simply closes his eyes and sinks into the innocence of your willingness to be in his grasp. His mind races with all the things that had happened to the both of you. You endured so much for him and the thought of that makes Childe feel guilt like never before.

The world slows to let Childe’s heart thrum madly in his chest. He feels you inch in closer, fingers interlocking with him as he feels the tension leave your shoulders, the weight of fear from the past now gone. You’re with him. You’re both alone. You’re safe. 

Childe will not be the monster the world portrays him to be- not especially around you. But even if you see him in his prime- blue waves crashing into violent lighting- how could you kiss him like he’s a man fit to hold the beauty of the world? He’s shown you how childish, immature, selfish and brash he could be, all the while he stubbornly wants to keep you at his side for his sake. Even then, you chose to stay. You didn’t want to push him away. Childe feels as though he doesn’t deserve this.

Tell me, he thinks. How could you love me for who I am?

“How could you still be with me for all the things I’ve done?” Childe mumbles, voice breaking as he pulls you in. “The blood on my hands, the lives it took-“ You stop him. Childe falls silent and your response nearly makes him lose his composure.

“You were just a kid.” You whisper, taking his face in your steady hands. “You were never given a choice.” Childe breathes hard as he studies your hardened eyes, scolding him almost. He wasn’t the type to show weakness, not with you, not with gentle scolding. But this- you’re giving him a choice- a choice of freedom. To be unshackled by the consequences of his past and allow him to be vulnerable, even for just a second. 

The snowfall was quiet, and so were you. You knew what you had to say and Childe knows what it was. He just didn’t want to accept it.

“You know we can’t keep running away, Childe.”

Childe doesn’t answer and instead looks away, his eyes darting back and forth, refusing to look at you. His jaw was tight and his hands were clenched into a fist. You soften at the sight. You know that looks all too well. It was Childe’s way of showing fear. He wasn’t really afraid- only frustrated and fearful of the consequence of his actions. He knows deep down that he can’t keep running. He can’t take you with him and he refuses to let you go. You’re tired, he knows that, he just doesn’t ever want to lose you.

“Ajax,” you say, your hand landing on Childe’s cheek. He nearly flinches away from your touch, but instead he relents and allows himself to melt into you- his kiss finding home in the warmth of your palms. “What are you so afraid of?” Truth be told, Childe wasn’t as brave as he presents himself to be. He was just a person like everyone else; he had his own fears, worries, doubts and regrets. Many of those he did on his own, but now they’ve caught up to him, and he is more afraid of consequences now than he has ever been. All because of you. Childe ran away from all those problems before, but if those consequences catch up to him, they’d cost him you. You who fought with him so bravely- never afraid of him and his tainted past. You who stuck by him even when the world seemed to treat you like an outcast for even associating yourself with him. You who had sacrificed everything for him, defended him when he refused to do the same for himself. He was given a glimpse of the risks that came with his dangerous job. Soon, people would find the courage to test his strength. By all means, it would always cost you your freedom.

“Of you.” Childe says finally. “I’m scared of everything because of you.” It was hypocritical of him to think this way, especially since he was the one who put your life at risk and your reputation hanging on by a string. But you were braver than him in a way that was sane- and you still had the courage to look at him as if he were just any other person in the world. His dream of normalcy, you never took it away.

“Then why don’t you leave me?” Childe scoffs

“It’s not that easy for me to do that, you know?” He says with a weak laugh. He can’t leave you alone. He doesn’t want to, he would never want to.

“Then I’ll do it for you.” You say. “I’ll go far away and things will go back to normal.”

Childe looks at you surprised. He knows you’re doing this for his own sake and yours, that you’re doing what’s best even if it hurts. But why does he feel so betrayed? Why would you of all people leave him that quickly with all those promises and hopes and dreams for the future? Why would you be the one to crush them? Did any of it mean nothing? Why was it so easy for you to abandon what you had with him? Childe wanted to fight, argue and win you over again and again even if it meant you both had to go through heartbreak together. He needed you. He wanted to battle- but instead you calmed him with a look. A look he knew so well, so pleasant, that Childe’s sea of emotions ebbed and he gave you space to talk.

“You’re joking, right? Tell me you’re joking.” He says incredulously. You don’t answer. “Y/N, come on-”

“I love you, Childe, but this isn’t healthy for either of us.” You say. Childe shakes his head in protest but stays silent, allowing your words to penetrate him painfully as he lets the gravity of your situations sink in. You were right, he can’t keep running.

“You can protect me all you want, but we can’t live like this. You have jobs to do, places to go where I can’t, and I can’t keep fearing for my life when I’m with you. I love you, but I can’t… we can’t escape this, we can’t run away.” You say. “The best thing we can do is to get away from each other.”

“No, don’t do this to me!” He begs, almost angry. Childe doesn’t look at you and instead looks down at his feet, his teeth gritting and jaw tight as you hold his face and will for him to look.

“If you love me, then you wouldn’t do this, you wouldn’t leave me.” He argues. You shake your head but he continues. “You’ll just be like everyone else if you do. You’ll betray me by leaving because you’re just like everyone else!” Childe was guilting you into staying. He knows how wrong it was, how selfish he was being, but he thought it would be the only way to keep you by his side. It was the only way he knew how. 

“You and I both know that isn’t true.” You say. Childe balls his fists a shadow looms over his already darkened eyes. 

“If you really loved me, you would stay.” His voice was a silent, forceful anger that made you pity him. But this, whatever you two had, was destructive; it hurt you both and you knew well that Childe would destroy himself and a million more just to get what he wants- just to keep you with him.

“I do love you, Childe,” You say and a hopeful shine appears in his eyes. “But not enough to make me want to stay.” And in a flash, it’s gone. Despair washes over Childe’s expression, soon replaced by anger and desperation. He towers over you, a dark aura emanating from his gaze. 

“You’re a liar.” Childe spits out, venom lacing his tone. You stand your ground- you knew well Childe would never hurt you. He never had space to deal with his emotions in a healthy manner, and you knew this tantrum was to mask the true feelings of hurt he had inside. He didn’t want to be seen as weak and vulnerable, even if it were you. 

You were lying. You loved Childe so much it hurt- but this relationship between you two had terrorized you far worse. As much as you loved him, as much as he meant to you, you needed to save yourself. You sacrificed so much and risked everything in your life to be with him. You knew him better than anyone and saw him in a light that nobody else was willing to. You loved him as Ajax- the loving caring brother and family man that would do anything to protect those he loved so they would never have to go through the same thing he did. At the same time you loved Childe- the powerful, cocky and reckless Harbinger loyal to the Tsaritsa and even more loyal to you. But even that wasn’t enough. The world saw how much you truly loved Childe and decided to take advantage of that by pitting itself against you. It really was just the two of you against the world- but you had your limits, and Childe couldn’t be the person to fight alongside you if he tried. He tried, you tried, but nothing was enough.

“Please, Childe, look at me.” You say. “It might be the last time I’ll see you.”

“No!” He yells. “It’s not the last time! There won’t be a last time! You’re not leaving, I’ll see you again tomorrow and I can look at you all I want because you’re not leaving me! You would never do that to me!” Childe hugs you tight, his body trembling against you and choking sobs escape his throat. “Please, Y/N, I don’t want to be alone.” 

You never thought you would ever see a Harbinger in this state- walls crumbling and image shattered from fear of all things. You thought the Harbingers were never afraid, that Childe would be the last person you’ll see look so distraught after all he went through. Then he looked at you dark blue eyes filled with tears, his brows furrowed and suppressed sobs making their way past his lips. You envision the young boy within him; robbed of this childhood, his innocence, still carrying the fear and trauma of the days he was taken away from his safety. Childe found his new safeplace in you, and the fear of losing it, losing you, the hope and dreams he so precariously planned with you, coupled with the loneliness and isolation that would come after you leave- of course he was going to be afraid. But you feared for your life- you didn’t want to risk Childe’s to save yours. And so, you turn away to leave but Childe grabs you.

“Childe, let me go.” You assert, tugging your wrist away from his tightening grip. He stares you down, wishing that it wouldn’t have to come to this.

“No, you can’t leave me.” He says. “You need me.” His tone was menacing, the same he uses against his subordinates to make them submit. This annoys you for some reason- to think that Childe had the nerve to see you as someone as lowly as those men and women under him- you thought you were both way past that. You angrily take your wrist away from him and start yelling- a version of you that Childe has never seen before. You didn’t know why you yelled, you didn’t understand why a red hot anger surged through your chest. You released every form of frustration you had on him; your fears, your regrets, the way you hated how he was so stubborn, the way you hated how he never admits he was wrong, how every bit of your life was stripped away the moment you told him you loved him. Everything. Tears well in your eyes with each word you say, and even more so when Childe decides to fight back. You thought that you trying to push him away like this would prompt him to let you go, not spiral into this form of chaos. You knew well that Childe would never give up an opportunity to fight; there’s no turning back now.

This was like any battle Childe would have trained to fight. It wasn’t like anything he had ever experienced from those before- the thrill, the excitement, his heart racing for more, more, more. Not tonight, not with you. You two were in war- fighting each other with the harshest words, sharp tongues, insults and arguments thrown so carelessly at the others deepest fears and insecurities. You were someone that knew Childe better than anybody, so this, the ache in Childe’s heart almost felt agonizing. He’s never seen you look so defeated. It’s as if it hurts you to even say these things to him out of anger. He hated the way your voice echoed the words his own mind would tell him; he hated the way your hands restrained themselves into fists by your side; he hated how tense your shoulders were, how your eyes looked so sad. He hated the way you mirrored those who tried so hard to break you in a pitiful attempt to make him feel what you felt.

Even from before as strangers berated you for even being with him, your life turned upside down for even being associated with him, you always put up such a strong front. Childe admired that, even more so now as he felt that he could shrink at the sheer magnitude of emotions that flooded out of you all because of him. Childe listened to you rant, your words becoming warbled as his head pounded with the strength of his own voice. He didn’t even know what he was saying at this point- only watching you cry and shout- wishing for nothing but to pull you in his arms and comfort you even while you’re still furious at him. Even if you beat, kick and punch your way out of his arms, just stay, he thinks. 

Stay with me.

If it meant he’d lose everything else, Childe was willing to let this be the first battle he’ll lose. And what greater reward was it to lose against someone he loves?

“I can’t do this anymore, Childe,” you cry silently, your voice barely making it past your strained throat. He hears you, loud and clear. “I love you, but I can’t.”

Childe is silent.

The fallout was devastating, comparable to the collapse of a dying star. It was explosive and angry and destructive beyond what you could have anticipated. It was dangerous on both ends- the freefall of the damage reaching far beyond the ground zero of everything that surrounded the two of you. The echo of the forests that surrounded you two in the silence of winter felt the weight of you and Childe’s booming voices yelling louder above one anothers- shouting words you both would have never expected to hear the other say. It was painful, to you, to Childe and to the universe that knew of the relationship you had in secret- how the world watched your love bloom and beautify like a flower- and like a flower it wilted into the cold. It was ugly and it shouldn’t have been in the first place.

But at the same time, it was colorful and beautiful and bright. Twin flames bursting with far more hues than the searing red you saw in fury, the gentle blue of his tearful, empty eyes- a kaleidoscope of colors springing to life once the initial flames died down to a spark from where they’d started. The whispering, hushed voices, exhausted and only realizing the gravity of your situations. The once harmful words full of spite and venom now replaced by half-hearted apologies that carry the weight of your entire hearts, the words Childe cannot say. Like a star flickering out of its last few breaths, it explodes, furious and catastrophic, but it’s wonderful all the same. The rebirth of a new galaxy, the start of life anew. But for the both of you, it was still in the in-between; the slow, gradual explosion of a supernova, not yet ready to start over. That would be far, far into the future; right now, Childe stares into your tired, reddened eyes, seeing nothing but sadness and pity, and a glimpse into what could have been your future with him. That was the moment he calmed down, the star finally settling within itself to wait another million years of stasis until it could start over. The way Childe loved you was sincerely heartfelt, but the world was not ready to allow him to be happy.

Childe needed to make a choice. His hands tremble and fall to his sides, steeling himself for the moment you would look at him, finally seeing him for who he really is. Childe looks down, refusing to even glance at you, unable to confront the fact that his delusional want of hopes and dreams would just be that; a hope and a dream. He’ll just bear through the pain in silence, only listen when you would eventually turn your heels and walk away. Instead, Childe feels the lightness of your grip around him, your arms wrapped around his frame so surely, and the delicate plush of your kiss on his lips. In that moment, when he feels your shaking body against his beginning to hesitantly pull away, Childe breaks. His composure weakens as he sobs against your lips, shaking fingers not knowing where to touch you- wanting to reach for you so badly- but he doesn’t know how. He felt like he couldn’t, it would hurt too much, but if he didn’t, he would regret not wanting to when he had the chance. And so, he pulls you in, so close, so tight, that he feels he can never ever let you go. Childe hears your muffled sobs against his lips, your hands placed on his chest not knowing if you should push him away or pull him even closer. If he could live in this moment, he would for a million years; he would freeze time and let it be so that the two of you could live on happily. 

When you break away, still feeling the need to gravitate towards each other, Childe smiles dumbly despite the situation. You follow suit.

“Gods…” You mumble, wiping away your own tears. “Will it always be like this if we fight? We kiss and make up?” Childe chuckles weakly.

“I wouldn’t really mind that.” 

Silence again, and the snow begins to fall. Your gaze wanders ‘round the now still forest that cushioned your arguments and your eyes fixate on the sun beginning to set.

“It’s getting dark.” You say, and Childe nods in agreement. Tentatively, he takes your hand and leads you both back into the cabin, the fire now long gone, but the heat never leaving your skin. 

You two went about that night in complete silence- never once uttering a single word to each other until it was finally time to sleep on your shared bed. Only then, when you decide to sleep on your side and fully expected Childe to stay in his, did you feel the relief of comfort when he wrapped you in his arms and pull you close. You nestled yourself in his warmth and breathed in the frost of the night. Silence was broken by Childe once more.

“You’re free to make a choice, Y/N,” he mumbles. “If you choose to leave, just know I’ll never be mad at you for it.” You feel Childe’s embrace tighten as he says it. You nod and hold his roughened hand, kissing his knuckles and burying yourself under the covers.

“Goodnight, Ajax.”

Childe didn’t sleep that night. He listened to the whistling breeze from outside and the occasional movements you’d make. He thinks about all the events that led up till now; how life snowballed into this catastrophe of a situation you both were in. He thinks about how different life for him would be if he hadn’t met you. He won’t be happier then; Childe loves you too much to imagine a life wherein your absence would be his downfall. At the same time, your life would ultimately be better without him in it. He pictures your smiling face amongst the crowd, everyone happy to see you’ve arrived because he isn’t there to taint your reputation. How different things would be for you both if you hadn’t met.

Childe had a choice, you’ve given him one. As much as it pains him to do this to you, to do it to himself, he knew in his heart he had to do it. 

Silently, before the sun breaks out into dawn, Childe prepares himself for the inevitability of loneliness once he steps out the door. He watches you for a moment and ultimately decides that staying for a second longer would be far more painful. And so, he left silently in the sunrise, in the snow where he’ll be in the far, far future. When you woke that morning, you braced yourself of the dread that came with Childe’s absence. You knew deep down he’ll leave. He never wanted to be the selfish one, but tonight, he needed to be- for your sake. You breathed in the cold winter air and willed yourself to look at the note he left on the side that was once his. So little words, yet it had been enough to have you shatter.

‘Please forget me.’

[stardustlixie]

Apology-L.Mh

(warning: light breakdown, yelling, mention of past trauma and past toxic situations, crying, glass falling and breaking, Minho is lowkey mean in the starting, this has no plot, it's just a braindump please don't take this seriously)

You heard him close the door to your apartment, his footsteps sounding heavier than they did usually. He had a bad day.

You'd been together for less than an year but you could tell how he was feeling just on the basis of the tempo of his feet on the floor.

His bag dropped on the floor with a 'thud'. He never announced his arrival, but he had a habit of greeting the cats. He didn't do that either. Today must've been really rough.

You got up from your bed a found him out in the living room. Practice clothes drenched in sweat, he was home late, you knew what had happened. He was frustrated with himself. You could see it in the way his brows scrunched and his body slumped.

"Hey. You good?" He just nodded in response.

"Let me get you some water-"

"No need." He cut you off. "I'm gonna shower first." He said as he walked in, shoes out of the rack, bag thrown in the middle of the room, very unlike him.

You put his stuff in place, shoes where they should be, bag in the little space in your bedroom it was always kept in. You decided to make him him a milkshake, he loved those after practice.

___

You could hear him coming out of the bedroom, his footsteps still a little heavy.

"I made a milkshake for you. It's on the table!" You told him from your place on the couch. He ignored it.

"Where is my bag?" He inquired.

"At it's spot, why?"

"I would have kept it myself. There was stuff in it that I needed to get out. Couldn't you just let it be?"

Ouch. Okay maybe you shouldn't have touched his things without telling him. He walked to the kitchen, you walked in a little, to find him quickly finishing up the shake, expression still grumpy.

You took the glass from his hands and stopped him as he was walking away, to which he let out a little sound of annoyance. You checked his temperature, he was sweating.

"I'm fine." He grumbled, swatting your hand away.

"No wait-" He didn't stop protesting, even after you insisted. He was eager to get away from you. But you didn't let him.

"Minho let me see-" He hastily stepped away from you.

"OH FOR GOD'S SAKE Y/N! I'M FINE!" He yelled in annoyance. The glass in your hand dropped to the floor and shattered.

You didn't even realise when you flinched or when your arms were up in front of your body like a badly made shield, expecting more lashing out or probably worse.

He didn't mean to snap, but he realised how much damage it had truly done when he saw you, your scared stature making you look so much smaller than you were, like a child trying to get away from a monster.

"What- Hey, hey y/n, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-" He reached out to comfort you and apologize but his heart shattered when you took an unconscious step backward, trying to bundle up and fold further into yourself, as if to escape him.

He stepped back to give you some space, as much as he wanted to hug you close and to apologise profusely, he knew you needed space.

"I'm sorry." The apology that escaped you was barely audible. Why were you apologizing? He'd been the one to snap stupidly over some little things like an immature dumbass.

"I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry I invaded your space when you were clearly drained from your day. I'll clean this up and I won't bother you anymore." You said as you cautiously sat down to pick up the shards of glass.

He didn't know what to say. He'd been so hurtful to you, yelled at you for something small and irrelevant. Been an insensitive jerk. And you apologized to him. Why? You should have hit him, been mad at him or refused to talk to him for the rest of the week and he'd have been better than he was now, knowing that you were apologizing for something that was far from your fault. But he made you believe it was. He knew how sensitive you were, yet he behaved like that.

He bent down in a squat to help you pick the pieces of glass. He didn't even know how to apologise to you and that made his guilt worsen.

The glass hadn't broken into small pieces so you finished quickly and threw them away.

"You didn't't have to help. I'd have managed it-" You paused abruptly and stood up and rushed to the cabinet, and then across the other side of the kitchen to where he was.

You grabbed his hand and began to tend to the cut he hadn't even realised he'd made in his hand. You cleaned the blood and checked for any small pieces of glass before you dabbed alcohol onto it. You sniffled lightly and he looked at your face. Your eyes were glossy and there were traces of messily wiped tears on your face. He made you cry.

You didn't cry easily.

"Fuck. I'm so, so sorry. y/n, I-" He tried to apologise but was met with a neutral tone, not a shaky one like his.

"It's fine. It wasn't your fault." You were retreating back into yourself. Self-isolating into your thoughts. He could see the signs. Whenever you needed to cope, you retreated into your mind, and it wasn't the best place to be. He could see your expression going from concerned to blank as you wrapped a bandage around his careless cut.

He needed to stop you from going into that headspace. Quickly.

You picked up the first aid kit and walked back to the cabinet. Minho stood up in a rush and followed you.

You turned away from him, you couldn't look at him right now. Or he'd be an angel again and make you forget how stupid you had acted. How you'd pestered him when he probably needed space-

Your thoughts are invaded the warmth of his body enveloping yours into a backhug. You were too tired to protest so you didn't. Even if you did, you'd probably have failed to escape the desperate iron grip he had on you. But you didn't reciprocate it. Part of you was still stirred because of his earlier outburst. You still believed he was mad at you. And he should be. Even if you were deeply hurt. Your brain told you it was your fault. That you deserved this.

"I'm so, so, so fucking sorry. I didn't mean to do that. You were just trying to take care of me, and I was being an asshole to you. I'm so sorry I snapped, I know my apology won't make it better or fix the damage, but I want to you to know that I regret it. A lot. I don't know how to make it up to you, I don't think anything would be enough. I never wanted to hurt you. Just...I guess I was pent up and released it in the wrong place. I'm so sorry, baby. Don't shut me out, please. Do anything. Be angry, call me an ungrateful piece of shit, cuss me out, hit me, yell at me, but don't isolate yourself. Please. I beg you- I'll do anythin-"

He cut off his rambling when you leaned your head back on his shoulder. You were back. You were out of your spiral of thoughts.

Slowly, you arms covered his, wrapped around your waist. Your face turned slightly towards him and he felt a hot tear touch his skin as it glided down, accompanied by a tiny, heartbreaking sniffle.

You let him turn you around and let his body warmth engulf you.

That was apparently all your brain needed to activate this pathetic cascade of tears. Fuck. Why couldn't you stop crying? Was it because he had reminded you of the people that had hurt you before? Or was it because this warmth had never been offered to you when you were hurt? Was it because you didn't have to pick yourself up anymore? To not deal with the crash because he'd pick you up before you had to.

Right then your mind reminded you of the people that would yell at you when you were younger, how you'd grown up always feeling like you were doing something wrong to anger them while all they ever did was to take their unreasonable hatred out on you. How you'd be surrounded by a constant guilt of never being able to fulfill their "little expectations". And an ugly, gut-wrenching sob tore out of somewhere deep within you.

Had it always hurt this much?

You were surprised, because you didn't feel guilty anymore. The usual guilt that accompanied whenever someone yelled at you wasn't here now. But you were hurt. Or maybe, you finally allowed yourself to feel the hurt instead of blaming it on yourself. You let yourself feel hurt without feeling guilty, and that was a big weight off your shoulders, one you never realized you'd had. But the tears didn't seem to stop. They were flowing out of you like they were carrying every pent up feeling and every buried frustration from over the years.

Did it hurt more than the others because it was him who yelled at you? You didn't know. All you knew was that you liked when he held you like this. So warm. So soft. So careful. His fingers threaded through your hair and his arm found it's way to rub your back. He rocked you in place, calming your racing mind and letting you cry your worries out.

You weren't the best at expressing yourself with words or at dealing with your trauma, so this was a welcome feeling, because most days, you didn't even know how to cry. But crying felt better than you expected.

You both stood there for a what felt like a second but was much more, before he slowly let go of your figure, still holding you hands.

"Please never yell at me again. Just tell me if I'm being a bother or doing something wrong. I'll fix it. But please don't yell?" Your voice was timid because of your little crying session.

"I would never. It wasn't your fault. At all. You were just trying to take care of me while all I did was be an ignorant asshole. I'm so sorry. You can take it out on me. I won't mind." He sniffled and you noticed the tears that had gathered in his pretty eyes.

"It's okay. I forgive you." You said, whispering, not wanting to break the little spell you both were in. You connected your forehead to his and closed your eyes. His presence was comforting.

"My reaction wasn't your fault. It's a reflex. I don't want to talk about the reason right now. All I want you to know is that it wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself. You were mentally overwhelmed. It's alright." You assured him.

"Ok. I want to insist it was my fault but I won't. Nonetheless, that was bad of me. How can make it up?" He asked you, lifting his head to look at your face. Red from all the crying with your eyes slightly swollen. You smiled, a little evil glint returning to your eyes.

"Clean the house and make me jjajangmyeon and maybe I'll think about it."

"Come onnn!" He whined at you.

"You asked for it!" You giggle and free your hands from him, aiming to walk out of the kitchen, but he pulled you back and buried his face in your neck.

"Fine", he sounded a little muffled, "but only if you keep me company while I cook." He sounds like a grumpy baby.

"Of course. But clean the house first. I'll go shower. Bye." This time you actually ran out of the kitchen. He giggled at your escaping figure.

He never wrapped his mind around how forgiving you were. He was pretty sure what he did today wasn't behaviour worth forgiveness but here you were, always so generous to him.

He sighed. His guilt still tugged at his heartstrings but he told himself that he'll be better. He'll be more thoughtful, more careful, more observant of his behaviour and of your triggers. He wasn't about to let impulsive reaction take him away from a person like you. He'll work on himself so that he can be worthy of you.

But he didn't know that how he'd handled the entire situation and how genuinely he had apologized was something no one had ever done for you. He'd secured himself a place in your life which probably wasn't getting out of anytime soon.

[sunthyme]

Sorry for this being a day late, I last second decided I hated how the og designs turned out so I redid them lmaooo. Whoops! Tyty sm for the support though, I love y'all! 🩷🩷🩷

💐Ignihyde💐

I cleared the tail end of Book 4 and all of Book 5 two days ago so fair warning, I'm still not completely aware of all the ins and outs of Ortho and Idia. And I might have to redo some of my Pomefiore headcanons with Book 5 in mind, namely Rook??? Whose apparently from Sunset Savanna??? Anyways, onto the designs...

🎮Idia Shroud🎮

(he/it) Unlabelled Gender - Achillic Asexual

Ah, the most relatable character in Twisted Wonderland...

- I don't think I really changed a whole lot about him physically, tbh. Gave him slightly bluer skin and dark makeup. I figured he's kinda one of the closest characters to like alt fashion and stuff so I slapped some piercings on him.

- You can't see them with his GIANT MESS OF HAIR but I gave him some piercings. I'll just grab a pic of them rq.

No bald Idia today guys.

- He's autistic. Is that even up for debate at this point? Either way, I feel like he'd actually hate having hair against his neck and typically put it into a ponytail or something. That shit would be hella warm otherwise, fire or no.

- He plays dating sims religiously but god forbid someone ACTUALLY flirts with him. In the unlikely scenario that he actually realises they're hitting on it, he just freaks out and runs, physically if possible. I think he's unintentionally shut people down hard because he cannot fathom why anyone would like it.

- He has to fight his demons whenever he see any of the people with cat ears which me too me too. Ignihyde actually has a bit of a stray cats issue, namely because Idia sets out food and water for them and refuses to let anyone take them away. They never get into the workshops or anywhere dangerous and Idia has named all of them.

- He has unique names not only for the stray cats of Ignihyde but also for all of the ones in his games, in specific his Minecraft cats.

- It's actually in the process of making a robotic cat as a sort of emotional support animal since a live cat isn't allowed in classes due to allergies (which Grim is exempt from due to him not technically being a cat and not producing allergens, fun fact).

- Oh! And I headcanon him as Greek and Japanese. Forgot that oops. Nationality-wise he'd be Australian though.

I was struggling to think of things that were just canon facts of his character already, which, to be fair, some of this could be but moving onto...

🦾Ortho Shroud🦾

(they/it/he) Nonbinary???

I actually adore how they came out omg. I have no really experience with robot/cyborg character design so I gave myself some liberties.

- First and for most, I made a lot of its robot features more obvious with panelling that would make it easy for Idia to access any brain or vocal mechanics. You cannot convince me that Idia, known for liking video games and anime, would pass up an opportunity to make Ortho look cool asf. Or maybe Book 6 can but for now, panels.

- I don't know if it's ever brought up in detail Ortho's like material components and stuff but I think they're made with the anti-magic stuff Charon's ferrymen have, further enhanced and durable. His freckles help with sensing particularly smell and temperature.

- His eyes took a bit of inspiration from Genoa, I just though a black sclera would look super cool tbh.

- It's hair is a bit crazier and I wanted to lowkey emulate Medusa vibes with it and the soulless eyes lol.

Not much else right now but I know damn well Book 6 will make me cry... Time for the ocs!

🪻Fuji Izanami🪻

Third Year - (she/he) Bigender - Bisexual

- So, a bit of a disclaimer, I've never actually seen Hercules because I was a Greek mythology nerd and was offended by the inaccuracies lol so keep that in mind with the ocs for this dorm. Fuji is my Cerberus character!

- He's the vice-housewarden of Ignihyde and tends to help out with Ortho's upgrades by moving the heavier parts that Idia can't lift.

- Since I believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, Cerberus means 'spots', I wanted her to have a ton of freckles as an omage.

- She's fully Japanese and has been a childhood friend of the Shrouds, with both families going way back. He was kind of Idia's emotional support before Ortho was allowed as well as a bit of a bodyguard. She and Ortho were the reason Idia didn't have to attend with a mass guard force.

- Quiet and seems quite menacing at first but is a huge softie and loves to be around other people. She and Jack are workout buddies and bond over common music tastes in the J-Pop and K-Pop genres.

- When she's talking to Idia or Ortho, it tends to be in Japanese (neglecting that the game is set to Japanese, imagine the default is like a common tongue or something lol).

- He specialises in heavier mech tech, developing protective wear and other durable things to work with. She hopes to intern with Charon eventually and work to study the containment of blot.

Now for another set of triplets, these ones all in Ignihyde...

🕰️Ye-Jin Ryu🕰️

Second Year - (she/her) - Sapphic

So these next three characters are representative of the Fates, they're Korean.

- Ye-Jin is my 'past' character. I styled her hair is an older-fashioned wavy cut and gave her some classy pearl earrings to give that 🌸vintage aesthetic🌸.

- Her primary skill set and interest is in re-purposing older things and upgrading them i.e. keeping the older aesthetic but making the mechanisms modern and remove the fear that it'll break down from overuse and whatnot.

- As such, she's a sucker for antiques and older fashion trends, mostly consisting of long skirts and formal wear. That being said, she still wears properly protective gear w an working on one of her projects.

- A hobby of hers is photography and she loves both actually taking photos as well as experimenting with different kinds of old cameras. She's a part of a photography club and also has a photo wall in her room.

- Never one to slack, she enjoys journalling and writing letters in her pass time as well. A hopeless romantic, she and Chanda share a class and Ye-Jin writes little posty notes for her.

Now for the present..

🛰️Ji-Ho Ryu🛰️

Second Year - (she/they) - Heteroromantic Bisexual

- Ji-Ho is the present and reflects a more modern Korean makeup style and haircut. I think she'd have reading glasses but only wear them when necessary.

- She has an interest in modern technology and pushing its limits. Adding more storage to a computer than typically offered, making a car even more gas efficient, that kind of stuff.

- They like a combination of things but are actually a part of the Spelldrive Club. She wanted to try something new and expand their bases. It gave her some insight for a recent interest in prosthetics she's developed.

For the final Fate,

👾Dae Ryu👾

Second Year - (she/they/it) Agender - Pansexual

- Dae is the future! I gave her more sci-fi-y makeup and a bit more flare in its hairstyle. Some piercings and ta dah!

- They specialise in bio-tech. Looking at nature to modify scientific approaches and being more environmentally friendly. Sustainability is a top priority for Dae.

- She wants to eventually make basic resources easily accessible to all and is doing its best to work out a solution. They're connecting the dots lol.

- Dae is a part of the hiking club and loves being around nature as much if not more than being in her lab. They often go hiking with Chunying on weekends.

For the last Ignihyde student and the final Benoit...

💀Cooper Benoit💀

First Year - (they/he) Nonbinary - Queer

- Cooper is twisted from Barrel and is the last of the Benoit family to be introduced. They are a very booksmart person and a math nerd.

- He's also disabled and typically uses a wheelchair. As such, they have been working on trying to improve the school's general accessibility as even with magic, NRC's campus can be difficult to navigate in a wheelchair.

- Similarly to Idia, Cooper is a total cat person and he and Idia take care of the strays together. Cooper's slowly memorising the names lmao.

That's all for Ignihyde! Diasomnia will be out tomorrow, promise! Tyty 🩷🩷🩷

[emerald-truth]

Yesterday I watched Data's Day and it made me cry and I need to talk about it.

First of all I love that it was lowkey a slice of life episode? Like Data is just describing his normal day and some crazy stuff happens as usual on the Enterprise but it's also just like. The crew hanging out. I especially love his conversation with Worf about what wedding present to buy because it's just so normal? Everyday? And just seeing his casual friendships with everyone? And they all love each other? I love the whole tng crew so much.

Anyway, what made me really emotional was how much I related to Data as an autistic person and I know people talk about this all the time but I'M GONNA TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN FOR MYSELF.

Right in the beginning of the episode he talks about how he used to have trouble maintaining friendships but now that he's become better at predicting other people's emotions he's become able to form friendships. And just. The whole ordeal of having to take years and years to LEARN TO MAKE FRIENDS when it seems to come so naturally to everyone else, when it seems like something that should just be easy. Yeah. But then also the absolute joy when you succeed! When you think ah yes I've finally learned to understand others enough, to do the correct analyses, to make the correct predictions, I can finally make friends! And Data is so pleased with himself just like I have been the past couple years. And the thing is! He makes mistakes still in predicting emotions! But his friends forgive him and help him understand! And it's just so??? Oh my god the happiness that comes with being accepted despite your flaws, despite who you are and what you can't change about yourself. With being reminded that you still deserve friendship and a special place in people's lives even when you make mistakes. Because even though he upsets Keiko by trying to change her mind about the wedding she forgives him and still lets him act as "the father of the bride" because she still loves him! Everyone does! Because he's so sincere! Oh my god I love Data so much-

But the thing that made me cry was one little moment when they suddenly redirect their course towards the neutral zone and Data says it's a good thing his duties can't be interrupted by emotions such as the uneasiness he might feel about such a change to the course. While clearly exhibiting signs of being nervous like tapping his fingers and glancing behind himself at the drivers. And this is something about my experience of autism that I hardly ever see in fiction. Not only do I have trouble understanding the feelings of others, I have trouble identifying MY OWN FEELINGS. I have low body awareness so instead of feeling emotions in my body I have to engage with them intellectually which means I often can't tell that I'm experiencing an emotion even when people around me can. I saw another post a month or so ago talking about how Data probably has similar troubles because his emotions don't manifest physically the way they do for humans. And just. I've spent so long feeling like and being accused of being an unemotional person because I don't feel my emotions the way other people do, so to see this implication that Data DOES have emotions even when he himself doesn't always notice them is so lovely. Just because he or I don't always feel emotions physically, and must understand them intellectually, doesn't mean we are uncaring. It just means so much to see a character who thinks of himself as emotionless be portrayed as so gentle, kind, and loved.

And then the end of the episode- Data says he believes humanity is not an inherent quality but a way of thinking and something he can achieve. And that's so reassuring. Even if I'm not human now, maybe someday I will be. And even if I'm not human, even if I'm never human, I can still be good, I can still feel, I can still make friends, I can still be like Data.

[dettiqueen]

SCHOOL SERIES DAY 8? (bad day AUGHH)

im gonna kill myself /silly

first was okay? i didnt do the work cus i don’t understand math 😢 so i sat there doing GOD KNOWS WHAT. second period was Hell, anxiety denier teacher and i am all alone in that God forsaken class. third was BOOTY bc they moved me from the only friend i have made 😖😖😖 now i sit with strangers again

lunch was wtv, hung out w my brother and his friends again and he let me talk like once

4th was wtv. not fun super quier but its probably the only class i do work in.

5th was so freaking lame, i am so lost in that class idek the basics 🤦‍♀️ i had an old friend from The Academy in that class so we sit together

the only cool part abt today was that he got switched to my 6th so we have PE together now 🤷‍♀️ it was wtv and ngl i js stood there bc i dont dress out.

but the hard part was when we had to go to the locker rooms, we have to go ALLLLL the way around the school on the outside in this BLARING SUN OH MY GOD IYS SO HOT IN THIS OVEN!!!

and the girl i was with is rushing me shes kinda rude..:( she was in a rush to leave bc one of the guys shes talking to is walking her to class? so we were running and when she found him she js left me :( i called my nana to see if she could get me (my parents work) and i asked my brother and he said no ?? so iwas like, ok freak you then 😠!! so i got to class all freakinf sweaty and stupid from PE and i start crying bc im so freaking crybaby AND I START TEXTING MY MOM TO PLS TELL MY NANA TO GET ME BUT SHE DIDNT SAY ANHYHINT GRRRRRR i better get a diet coke after this 😣😣.

horrible day

No diet coke

headache

bell is about to ring. ill update when i get home (if i get diet coke)

update. no diet coke :( just a water which is fine i guesssss . going to my nanas and she has diet coke at her house. i js hope she doesnt make me eat smth cus i do NOT want anything rn 😪😪 and im lowkey mad at my broyher for not coming to pick me up when i asked my nana ?? HELLOO?? like i KNOW you got your phone taken and your car but that doesnt mean you have to be all stupid 🙄 he was like “you ditch to much” and i wasblike “IMGONNA KILL NSYEFL”

[herboretum]

big ol text abt me being aroace so🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅ow oka🍅🍅🍅🍅y i get it i know 🍅🍅🍅🍅ow I Talk so much abt being aroace🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 i prmise this is the last🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 time 🍅🍅🍅🍅DAMN okay CHILL🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅read if u wanna 🍅🍅🍅ow OW!!!!!!🍅

ough man sometimes i wish i wasnt aroacespec for the sake of my own wellbeing yanno,,,,,,

its been physically paining me (since the start of the year realistically) knowing im incapable of loving another person romantically, of being unable to feel that passion for someone the way devoted partners would for their other half

it makes (and has made) me cry knowing i wont have that connection probably ever! that i just. cant love on that level! it kills me, genuinely, just not being able to have those moments where i can lean all my trust to one person, to have moments of vulnerability with someone. to be able to have lovesick days or gaze into their eyes or be able to simply reciprocate an "i love you" that they know is more than that simple statement. it fucking kills me man it makes me sick to my stomach

i dont know why. i never chose to be like this!!!! why couldnt i just be normal man!!! theres nothing wrong with me yet theres everything that could have been better! sometimes i get so jealous of people i know who are in really loving relationships. how they can just ramble on about how they love their partner to their core, that every imperfection they see is a beauty to behold. why cant i experience that? like genuinely what the fuck happened with me??

i feel like nobody ever talks about how alienating being aroace can sometimes feel. i feel like what im experiencing should not exist. im aroace not because i chose to be, but because i simply am, and i really hate that about me. theres so many people celebrating and while i can relate sometimes, i also feel like a sack of hopeless shit too!! im like a paradox man idk its wild how actually unfathomable this situation i am in. it doesnt feel real i feel like im contradicting myself 24/7

this is what i mean when i say i live vicariously through other people and my projections onto fiction. i am just that unable to not contradict myself in real fucking life. its so stupid man i fucking hate being here

anyways i digresss:3 not really. ive just been in this weird middle state for over half a year and today just kinda felt like a snapping point for literally no reason ?!?!:; i love being aroace. i really do. but god sometimes it just hurts me knowing theres a version of me enjoying a better life than i am

and lowkey if im gonna theorize, i genuinely think my issue stems from my inability to properly socialize with other people: i am just that fucking pathetic. me being scared of interactions has led me to become avoidant of others, which in turn has probably caused me to act like this im gonna aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaago fishing

[skaruresonic]

what were your favorite things about starline before he was ruined

Oh, God, Starline. ;A; How I miss the poor bastard.

Beyond his design, my favorite things about him included his foppishness, his showmanship, his meticulousness, his (relative) calm demeanor, his "comedic intern" angle, and his devotion to licking egg-shaped boot.

Oh, and the most prominent aspect of his character, the linchpin on which all else rests: the simpery.

I will give credit where credit is due, his simpery of Eggman coupled with his more cautious and lowkey nature (at least, compared to Eggman) offered a genuinely new and refreshing dynamic at the time. It didn't seem to come with strings attached as it usually does.

I also used to like his penchant for unintentional comedy. It seemed to be the same flavor of comedy with which they tinge some of Eggman's character.

Granted, Starline was probably always meant to be something of a buttmonkey, but later issues had him ping-pong between being Better Than Eggman(tm) and a buffoon. The constant switch made it difficult to fully invest in him in either case, because one minute we were meant to consider him a srs bsns mastermind and laugh at his failures the next. And not in the balanced way Eggman's humor generates; there were times I genuinely couldn't tell whether we were supposed to root for him or not.

And then, of course, he got crushed under rocks. Big oofed.

Starline used to be funny. Watching him rant and rave? Cry tears of joy? Make an uwu face as Rough and Tumble embarrass him in front of his idol? Funny, because it subverted his otherwise suave Bond villain image, and because you knew that eventually Eggman would crush his windpipe like a squeaky toy. Selling your soul to the devil can only end in tragedy. It filled you with a morbid sort of joy and a dark anticipation as you waited to see how bright this dumpster fire would blaze.

This was one pathetic meow-meow of a man, strange yet oddly compelling. Shame his delusions of grandeur stole away the entertaining aspects of his personality for a more boring, straight-laced character. Even bigger shame that we were supposed to pretend he never meant anything to begin with.

That's not to say Starline could never have had character development, nor that he should have remained a static character. Just as Sonic exerts a positive influence on others, show us how Eggman exerts a twisted influence. Make Starline's devotion to Eggman even unhealthier and fucked-up than it already was. Not in a "I can fix you" kind of way, but in an "I will light myself on fire to keep you warm" kind of way. To the point of self-destruction. That seemed to be the logical direction for such a character, anyway.

But nah, they had to drag us along Starline's unimpressive journey to strike out on his own. Which, like... He stole 90% of Eggman's shit anyway, so how effective was he really? And even if the whole point was that Eggman made him and he's nothing without his idol, then why did the book give him two mini-series? Has he been mentioned even once in the book since his death? Somehow, I very much doubt it.

I don't want to get into it with his creation of Surge and Kit because I'd rather pretend they don't exist, thanks. Yes, I'm aware Starline was originally conceived as their creator, but I think Flynn should have caught on that his character had changed. Realized that trying to cram him back into the original mold would only break him.

And you know what. Even after having suffered 30 issues where Starline was fucking insufferable with his whole "I'll surpass Eggman" schtick, I still felt sad for his passing.

To make matters worse, I felt foolish for my emotional investment, because dammit, I guess I was hoping his story would have culminated in something more substantial than "his favorite flowers are forget-me-nots (snicker)."

Now that I've learned that IDW can drop even their most popular characters in a heartbeat, I'm never making the mistake of even accidentally becoming invested in them again. They're not going to bother developing them or even give them a proper sendoff, so why should I continue reading?

Fs in the chat for my boy. They did him so dirty.

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

playboyy ep 12 stray thoughts

- “damn i hate myself” real

- first soong being cute 🥹🥹

- you know shits about to get emotional when the soundtrack switches to yoiyami

- “you called me a friend when you weren’t pretending to be nant” AND WHAT IF I LOSE MY MIND

- zouey and nont besties agenda

- OH GOD ZOUEY BACKSTORY wait noooooo

- i guess the evidence is staying hidden then like boy are they in their failvestigator era oh nvm they found something (that they already knew but still that’s more than they usually get

- promnont !!!

- hold on they finally showing zoueyteena. they can never just give a quick handy either always gotta be invoking the religious implications of a renaissance painting… good for them (yes i include the popcorn scene in this) also top zouey truthers this one was for you!!!

- what are you hiding under that tarp zouey 🤨🤨 i think it’s of nant

- hold on teena’s necklace lmao. is the t for troy no it’s for *too sleepy to finish the bit*

- NO GET A JOB!! STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!

- finna beat the shit out of jason lee give me 10 seconds i could take him out

- what does he mean by keep an eye on…

- oop that scarf zouey in his horse girl era

- THEY DOING WHAT TO WHO?!?!?

- she is not scared of them at all like two absolute kitty cats of toruturers MEKEKFKKRKRJFJFJF NOT THE DUSTERS I CANT

- the drop of sweat deserves an award for perfect timing and i’m being so serious about this

- AHH PROMNONT i can’t handle them being affectionate like it makes me lose my oh not the fuckass product placemntsjdjjdjdjrjrjjejdjr you know what i got me some promnont crumbs i’ll take it

- so i’m gonna see this scene expanded in fic later right 👀 i’ll give a million kisses to anyone who decides to do it

- they can never argue using simple sentences it’s always “i feel bad that you feel bad that i felt bad” and “im mad that you got mad that i got mad” and “if you have a problem that we have a problem than the problem is you’re invalidating my feelings” “i didn’t think you would think about me thinking” like besties….

- see but zouey was kinda right… why is he being made the bad guy, first and captain kinda pissin me off

- girl YOU got him expelled. captain needs to be fr

- NONT WITH THE BIG PANT CROPPED SHORT COMBO THATS MY MAN

- these college athletes are plain evil

- puen lowkey the only one in this show consistently talking sense. i hope he gets his licks back on these bum bitches cause i’ve had it with them

- the coloring the coloring the coloring the coloring the coloring the projection the projection the projection

- THE. HESS BOARD BEING PROJECTED PLAYBOYY SURREALISM FOR THE WON ONCE AGAIN

- captain talking big game for someone who took sneaky clips. hoping this shows growth on his part cause deep down im still rooting for him

- captain sweaty blow up the whole establishment i support you

- NO CAPTAIN THATS NOT WHAT I TOLD YOU TO DO THATS VERY MUCH MOT WHAT I JUST SAID YOU LITTLE BASTARD

- ooo the outro track finally making sense!! kejrjejdnjdj

- i love the when soong carries first

- oh more food, user @jeffsatyr i’m so sorry

- firstsoong enthusiasts we are so back oh there goes firsts fuckass dad

- captain needs to stop picking fights AND CAPTAINS A YANKEES fan i can’t defend him anymore

- puen fight back!!! he was going easy on captain cause he’s a nice little boy oh shit now aobs gonna kill captain isn’t he…

- captainkeenpuen enthusiasts don’t lose hope!!! we can still win!!

- aobpuen enthusiasts were so back

- THE COLORING THE COLORING THE COLORING

- the characters and 'accurately assessing the media their in' saga continues

- porsche looks like such a baby here. jump listen to porsche pls do not see him again

- cry by johannes bornlof is playing they fr pulling out the nuthphop ballads for the other couples today

- puen is my boy and i will lay down my life for him actually

- NONT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT IM GONNA WALHAT WHAT WYHAHW ok sorry yall him with the gun did sumn to me

- nont once again will not be caught slacking holding someone at gun point be damned AND ITS CAPTAIN WITB THE STEAL POLL?!?!?!?

- nont… i need to know how he picks outfits like did he want the color to match the gun????

- nont chuckling in the corner... i fear he’s lost it

- playboyy once again with the themes of tech and privacy

- captain is lucky puen is lowkey a pacifist

- nont and captain: torturing aob and puen for info about the murder, zoueyteena: painting time !!

- oh my god yall im getting chills like fr speechless i am so…

NUTH MY BABY BOY

- nuth coming through with his amateur directorial visions let’s gooooo

- nont being like “please do a little bit of torture, just for me, please 🥺”

- he playing the funeral violin oh it’s not ending well oh god

- jason lee you will crumble i am so serious about this count your mother fucking days

- nuth scurrying away in the back… also nont where is your marksmanship now

- puen keeps suffering tremendously and he doesn’t deserve a single second of it. free my boy he fr has never done anything wrong

- i think i was right and nuths screenplay is autobiographical

- THEYRE PLAYING AMBIVRLANT THOGUHTS AGAIN NUTHPHOP PIANO BALLAD ENTHUSAISTS WE STAY WELL FED

- nuthphop my beloveds i love them so fucking much you don’t get it no wait why he deleting them oh shit ! phop play shitty games win shitty prizes dawg

- welp

yall this might be one of the strongest eps in a hot minute i loved this one had me at the edge of my seat the whole time