#OR for gender dysphoria by taking hrt for a full year first

[theygender]

I was able to refill my BC prescription again but I missed one day of it bc I have ADHD and now I'm dying again 🙃 I wanna get a hysterectomy so bad it's just a matter of finding out which hoops I need to jump through

[coldresolve]

Hi, I'm Elias, I'm a 26yo trans guy from Denmark. I write shit, I draw shit, and I get into unneccesarily tedious arguments with anons about torture apologia in fiction. I think that sums up my vibe

I've made a few posts about this already, but tl;dr: the Danish NHS has been refusing to treat me for gender dysphoria for the better part of a year now because they've deemed me "unstable." Unstable how, you ask?

I have depression.

No, that is quite literally it. Full context under the readmore.

Fighting to be heard and having the door repeatedly slammed in your face sucks peak ass, and I'm done now. The NHS is so lackluster when it comes to trans people, all of a sudden, it makes perfect sense to me why 31% of transgender Danes get HRT outside of the NHS.

And I'd rather not have to turn to the black market, so rn I'm hoping to get a prescription with GenderGP. The issue is, I'm poor as fuck and can't afford the start-up fees for the forseeable future - unless I do something like this. I hate asking others for money, and I hate it even more if I'm not in a place where I can give anything in return. But I also recognize I'm in over my head with this, so. If you've got a cent or two to spare, I'd be grateful as hell.

I've mathed it out, and my best estimate is that I need around 3500,- DKK / $500 USD. Again, this is just to cover the initial subscription as well as mandatory consultations/blood tests. I should be able to cover the prescriptions on my own, as well as further tests/consultations down the line, so I'm hoping this is a one-and-done sort of thing.

paypal: elimunpau@gmail.com

Also, important note. We're in a global cost of living/housing crisis and this isn't a strict life-or-death situation. If you're in a tough spot right now, don't send me anything, that'd just make me feel worse about asking. I appreciate the thought but you gotta take care of your own needs first. Peace and take care ✌️

So I've been dealing with major depressive disorder since I was 11. It runs in my family, and as you might imagine, after 15 years of living with this thing, I've learned how to manage it pretty well by now. I know what it's like to genuinely be unstable - and if I were in a place like that, no problem, I'd be open about that. I wouldn't be making decisions like this. I know myself. You kind of have to when you're dealing with a chronic mental illness.

Here's where I am right now: I've got no suicidal ideation, been clean from self harm for four years, no psychosis, no inpatient admissions for the last five years. I live on my own, take my meds, and I'm keeping my life in order. Depressed, yes, but about as stable as someone with my history can get, and ask anyone who knows me, me wanting to get on HRT isn't some spur of the moment decision. I've done a fucking decade of soul searching, and a few years ago, I finally (duh) reached the conclusion that living as a woman isn't something I can even fake being content with - believe me, I've tried. I'm well aware of the scope of medical transition, but I'm settled in who I am. And I just want to live like me now. That's the only thing I want.

If it counts for anything, my partner and family have supported me through this, which has been priceless obviously, but it also goes to show that me saying "I'm capable of making medical decisions" isn't purely a personal assessment. I'm pretty sure they'd speak up if they thought I was being unstable about it or whatever

But the CPH clinic for sexology, who have consistently refused to listen to me telling them all this, have somehow magically aquired divine knowledge on my capacity to make adult decisions about my own body, and on the basis that I have MDD, they're refusing to even set me up for a preliminary interview - one that would preceed a 6 month full-team psych evaluation before the prospect of HRT would even come up. They said in their latest refusal that they wont accept another referral from me until a year after my last in-clinic conversation with them, which happened on October 24th, 2023 - meaning that with the NHS, if they accepted my referral come October (which I don't have much faith they will), the earliest I could possibly get on HRT is April 2025. Arguing for my own sanity would've sucked enough as is, but it's made harder by the fact that they won't even talk to me. You're a trans guy who would like healthcare, but you have a mental illness? Good luck, you're on your own. Long live the Danish bureaucracy.

Dysphoria makes me fucking miserable. I'd rather not have to write a sob story here, and tumblr is like 80% trans people so I guess a good portion of you can imagine why waiting another year for the possibility of maybe-perhaps-if-all-goes-well getting on HRT would not actually make me less miserable about it.

So. I'm sitting down next week along with my mom to file a formal complaint with the patient's rights committee. I don't know what to call this other than some form of discrimination on the basis of mental illness, because nothing in my current situation would prohibit me from making medical decisions for myself. And I honestly don't think that a complaint is going to do much, but I intend to make it obnoxiously long, because by law, a specialized doctor and an attorney have to read through the whole thing. If you can't beat 'em, make 'em read 50 pages of you going into detail about why you think they suck, right

And yeah, like I said, in the meantime, I'm trying to go via GenderGP. It'd be nice if my poor ass could get HRT via the NHS instead of having to pay out of pocket, but apparently the bar for entry requires that you 1) have gender dysphoria to the point where it impedes normal function and 2) somehow aren't mentally ill. Who wrote these rules? Some 60yo cis guy in a suit in Christiansborg, I imagine.

Feel free ask about anything relating to this whole situation, I'll be as open as I can about it, cause I understand that if you're going to give money to someone, you want to know what it's going to. Though I hope you understand I'm not going to doxx myself more than I already have now, or give you my entire medical history - only what's relevant to my current situation.

I know Denmark is a welfare state and on a global scale we're doing alright, but I hope you don't mind if I say this: This shouldn't be happening as often as it does. Fuck the Danish NHS.

[certainty2witch]

For Crocodad theory, imagine if the way everyone finds out isn't either of them admitting it. It's Sengoku being mad after the events of Marineford and deciding to hand over declassified info on the revolutionary army, collected by Cypher Pole, which proves that Crocodile is Luffy's birth parent, to Big News Morgan. Imagine everyone has just started their two years of training when they pick up the daily newspaper and right on the cover is confirmation that Crocodile is Luffy's parent.

Since you mentioned the revolutionary army, I suppose you’re talking about my revolutionary crocodile au, even if you talked about Marineford.

And i take some time for adding a bit of lore for my au because is important:

(Answer for anon’s ask after the ‼️‼️‼️)

Crocodile was never evil and with so he never did something wrong in Alabasta. But, he’s still a warlord, and a fake pirate, because he’s a revolutionary undercover.

But let’s say that the marines discovered Crocodile is a revolutionary and that’s a way for putting him in impel down?

Iva obliviously, since is there too, save him and bring him at level 5.5, they both wait for the right moment for escaping (imagine Croc being uncomfortable around all that extravagant people, he doesn’t like loud people, and Iva likes to torment him because they think Croc miss Dragon and Croc says he doesn’t.

Is the truth btw he just wanna run into Dragon’s arms and kissing him).

And with so, Impel down arc happens, but Croc is always with Iva instead of being locked at level 6. His reaction to his son almost dead is pretty devastating, just imagine that… I mentioned in a recent post that they have a deep and special bond when Luffy was little. With older Luffy this keep existing!

So Marineford is pretty the same with Doflamingo bothering him (lmao, sorry babe your love is busy with the world’s worst criminal, he’s not a single man), with him protecting Ace (this time for Luffy and only for him💕) and other canon stuff.

And he suffers seeing his son losing his sense after his brother’s death. He obliviously protect him and Jinbe from Akainu (in every au he always saves him in that scene *sigh* good daddy).

So after Marineford he and Luffy separate, and he finally reunite with Dragon.

‼️‼️‼️

And now about the ask.

But first i add little warning.

Cw //mention of gender dysphoria!

Somehow Sengoku knows and decides to reveal everything (my god you should just close that trap sometimes, stupid marine) I honestly can’t imagine why he would know something like that, maybe due to Garp? (Close that trap too!!) because yep Garp knows Croc is trans and Luffy’s other dad.

Crocodile never liked the idea of people knowing his secret: him being Luffy’s other parent. He knows in that world people like him are seeing in a bad way and if others will discover he isn’t cis, my god I’m sure people will keep misgendering him… and he would hate that. I imagine his past full of transphobic people, keep using wrong pronouns with him and forcing him to just be like “Mother Nature made him”… you know useless things like this. So well he grow up frustrated and angry, Iva was his light, the revolutionary army were his light. Even after hrt, Crocodile felt the oppression of not being cis (mostly when he got pregnant of Luffy). But in this Au, he with the support of others started to feeling more and more comfortable just being himself. He’s not cis? Who cares!

But if people will discover he is Luffy’s dad too and with so, the father that gave birth to him, i like to imagine him asking his friends (and love) some support. He is more comfortable being trans, but something like that is hard to handle anyway, because nobody asked for his consent! If that was his secret, and he wanted to keep that hidden, well there’s a reason.

I hope I explained everything at least in a decent way, feel free to ask for some more if you are curious or to ask something else in the ask box.

And correct me or tell me to change something, if you think is inappropriate please.

For a dear anon that i still didn’t answer, if you are seeing this, just know that your idea inspired me. I will draw what you said, because I know what to draw hehe but i need time because i have other art first 🙏🏻

[missmastectomy]

So I need some advice, and since you've detransitioned I feel like you definitely have the experiences I'm looking to hear about most, if you're up for answering this, I would be most appreciative.

To start, I am a gay, gender nonconforming (masculine) woman who is over the age of 21 (I know your opinion on transitioning for minors, which I agree with 100%) and has identified as trans male in the past but never medically transitioned.

I identified as male for about five years as a teenager and I was "out" socially but living and constantly comparing myself to cis men made my already low self esteem plummet. Like a lot of trans teenagers I have a host of mental health issues at play and was very depressed. Had two hospital stays for suicide attempts.

Thankfully I've mostly recovered from the lowest points of my clinical depression and gender dysphoria, but I find myself constantly asking whether I would enjoy my life more as a male. Its just this nagging question in the back of my head, that being regarded socially as male would alleviate my discomfort in a world that is often hostile in regards to women, especially masculine ones.

I work in a department full of males where I am in the only female and sometimes its very alienating. Sometimes I think of transitioning as a way to better fit in. However I would hate for anyone to know I'm trans, because that's still "different". I want to be cis male and it pains me that I can never be that.

My girlfriend recently brought up the whole subject of transitioning to me, and she means well. I think she wants what's best for me and was there the entire time I came out and then subsequently desisted. She has seen me struggle and thinks the best option for me might be transitioning, she says she'll love me no matter what I decide though.

But I decided to come to you and ask because I feel like you'll be more honest with me about the actual medical side effects than other trans people might be reluctant to share. Is this sustainable? At all? I want to be able to live in comfort. What made you decide to transition? Also, why did you decide to detransition? I don't mean to interrogate you I just think hearing about someone else's lived experience would be very helpful to me right now. Did you pass well after you medically transitioned? That is one of the biggest things I care about. I guess I would want to "stealth" as much as possible. Be as close to the male experience as possible. Is this a case of thinking the grass is greener on the other side?

Again, many thanks if you decide to answer this I know its a long and personal ask

So the first thing I want to say is that I do not recommend transition for anyone, in a similar way that I don't recommend using alcohol to deal with social anxiety issues or depression. I'll get into why later, but also transition is a personal choice, and since you're an adult I believe you have the right to make that choice. I consider transition to be a maladaptive coping mechanism.

Thanks for reaching out - my blog is always a resource for people who want to learn more from the detrans perspective, and I actively encourage y'all to get in touch if you have questions.

So, I'll try to cover as much ground as possible. I want to address medical issues first. Taking T comes with a LOT of medical sacrifices and no, most endos will not be honest with you about that. Testosterone is an anabolic steroid and is highly controlled, especially for non-trans identified females. Taking a male dosage of T as a female means a very high likelihood of vaginal and uterine atrophy, and there is a high likelihood it will happen to you if you're on a high enough dosage for long enough. Atrophy is no joke. It can cause cracking and bleeding in the vaginal canal, can make it uncomortable/painful to walk, etc. There is more research coming out that HRT is linked with cancer development, and transmen are at a high likelihood of developing cardiac diseases. I know one detrans woman who developed cysts all over her ovaries post-T. It's why many transmen get hysterectomies - because T literally degrades your reproductive system. Our bodies require a certain amount of estrogen to function properly, and removing that will cause issues. Is it worth sacrificing your long-term health to cope with dysphoria? I personally think for most people the answer is no. People don't understand how important health really is until it is taken away.

Aesthetically, your hairline will probably take on a male-pattern. So many transmen and detrans women have balding issues after a few years because again, our bodies are not built for this level of male hormones.

I passed fully as male because I already have a strong face and I started hormones very young, but passing as male is not guaranteed if you take T. Especially because more people are recognizing the "tells" for transmen, there's still a likelihood you'll get clocked. I personally transitioned because I felt unsafe being female and wanted to escape that, also internalized homophobia. I detransitioned because top surgery made me comfortable in my body short-term, because the trigger for my self-hatred was removed. I deeply regret this now. It was a permanent "solution" to a temporary problem.

You mention that you want to transition to be seen as a man, that it would be more comfortable. I know you said you can't be seen as male unconditionally, but I really want to hammer home that if you pass as a man, you will live life as a transman, not a man. It is so common for masculine women to transition to escape the stigma of being a woman, but let me tell you firsthand that transition will just give you more problems to deal with. Health problems, anxiety - am I passing? Do they know I'm trans? The doubt - am I doing this for the right reasons? And I hear doubt in this ask. If you are not 110% sure you cannot function without transition, do not do it. Even then, I was completely sure and I still detransitioned.

And if you do decide to detransition, you may want to be seen as a woman unconditionally again, which is hard. I am at that point now, but I had to gruel through years before I got there. I wish I had saved myself the trouble and someone had gotten me the help I needed, instead of affirming me.

That you had a lot of mental health issues is a huge red flag. Personally, I read this ask and this comes across as a woman struggling with her identity and coming to grips with being masculine. I see a lot of the traits that caused my transition. I'd step away from trans spaces and look at accounts from butch women who recovered from dysphoria, finding beauty in being masculine. It helps a lot to retrain your brain. It doesn't matter what people's misconceptions of you are. How much respect do you have for your coworkers? Are they neutral parties, or are they men with their own prejudices against women, coloring the way that treat and perceive you? Are the judgements of strangers worth altering yourself so much? My answer, personally, is always no. Being true to your real self will always get you farther than trying to escape the problems. Deal with the feelings that brought you here, and your mental health will be so much better for it.

I do not find transition to be sustainable. It IS a grass is greener on the other side situation. Your GF is trying to be supportive, but she doesn't understand the reality of a medical transition. People will often affirm this desire because they mistakenly believe it will deal with the surface-level issues, but it will not. At the end of the day, you are still there. The problems will persist, but they will just take another form.

Anyway, I hope this was helpful! Feel free to ask or DM me if you have more questions. Again, from reading your ask I do not think transition would be a good choice. But that is my opinion as a stranger. At the end of the day, only you can decide.

[arttuff]

Okay, so I've wanted to get top surgery for years, but I have no idea how to get it started? Do you just like, call up your doctor and be like "hey can you cut off my tits thx?" How did you get started? (And how much did it cost...) Hope this isn't too personal, thanks.

this is gonna be real informal cuz im just some dude im not a professional

here’s a super basic overview of how I went about it :) let me know if you have any questions anon! I’ll be happy to take a stab at answering

disclaimer is i live in australia so this is probably very specific to australia but if it helps, medicare (our public healthcare) didnt cover much except a couple hundred off the anaesthetist’s fee (but i wont include that in my estimate ily americans)

also this is just how i did it im sure everyone goes about it differently

but my first step was hrt (you dont need to go on hrt for top surgery but if you do it's recommended 6 months on testosterone before you get the surgery so you can get pecs goin beforehand and have more natural looking results. my pecs were juicy as hell by the time i got top surgery, so much so that my mum was surprised lol truly living up to my artstyle)

to do that i had to get a letter from my psychiatrist (this was covered by medicare) saying that i have a documented history of gender dysphoria and am mentally sane enough to seek treatment for it (this is just because of my medical history im pretty sure that not everyone has to do that plus you can look into informed consent)

with that letter of gender confirmation in your hot little hand you can then google around to find who it is you want to be doing your top surgery! i am so insanely lucky that i live in the biggest city in my country, meaning i had some good options. i settled on an award winning plastic/cosmetic surgeon that specialises in gender reassignment-- i love his results, and im so glad i went with him everything looks better than i expected it's so worth it!!!!

anyway once you choose a doctor you ring up and ask for a consultation-- this is not bulk billed but medicare can rebate a bit i think

thanks to covid all of the openings for consultations were full so i rang back once a week for 6 months (oh my god that's obsessive as fuck now that i put it together) until they had an opening

at the consultation you pretty much talk to your doc to let them know what you want, your identity, etc. im a nonbinary butch lesbian and i wanted some pecs but no nipple reconstruction (no nips no worries mate xx) and he made sure i was certain that's what i wanted and that i know the risks associated

the doc gives you an estimation and you decide whether you want to go through the public system (i think this is australia specific) and get put on a waiting list for 3+ years depending on demand, or do it privately (medicare, which everyone has, plust any private healthcare-- i have none)

i decided to go private because i do not think i could handle that wait, and ended up just being able to make it through with overtime at work heehee :) but good lord my wallet is starving

the cost is split up 3 ways between the doctor’s fees, the anaesthetist’s fees, and the hospital fees. there’s more expenses if you stay overnight at the hospital, so it’s better if you have someone to take you home and look after you

so all up i saved money in 2 places: the surgery itself was shorter because there was no nipple reconstruction, and i didn’t stay overnight so i didn’t have to pay that massive amount

all up my cost of surgery was around $11 000 aud (which is around usd $7 600) and the estimate he gave me was $14 000 aud ($9 600 usd) 

that’s a vague and rambly overview! let me know if there’s anything you’re confused about anon! or if there’s any questions you have about top surgery recovery etc :) remember i can only give my perspective from how it’s done in australia I’m sure it’s way different elsewhere in the world

[junebugwriter]

Transition I

I had my first consult for HRT yesterday, and it went super well. I really like this doc; she knows exactly what she's doing, she has helped tons of trans folks like me before, and is able to talk through all the stuff that I simply don't know about. I'm going in for blood tests this morning, which I'm actually REALLY excited to find out the results of, because that's just the kind of person I am. I'm doing my PhD in disability ethics, I've written about bioethics before, and my mom has nurse training, so all the medical stuff is actually quite fascinating for me, even though I am NOT cut out to be a medical doctor or nurse in any way. Because of how my body is built, I'm curious to see how my hormones actually are, if I have high or low T or E, and what it all means.

Doc recommended finasteride alongside estrogen, to help with hair regrowth for the bald spot on the back of my head (one of the biggest focuses of my dysphoria) and the limiting of body hair growth. I honestly thought that it took several years to see the full effects of HRT, but she said that I'd most likely see all the bodily effects within a year, which blew my mind a bit. Part of me is like, "That's it?" But another part of me is also reeling at the fact that "Oh. I'm going to go through a STUPID amount of puberty in like, the span of a couple months. I already did that once, with the wrong equipment--what the hell is the new hormone stuff going to actually DO to me?"

Part of all this makes me nostalgic for how I got here. I only really had my gender epiphany recently, but when she asked "when was the first time I felt like I identified with a different gender," I had to answer... like, all my life. I've operated at varying levels of gender dysphoria since, well, forever. Everything kind of makes sense knowing that I was simply assigned the wrong gender at birth.

It makes sense that I wasn't any good at performing the "masculine" gender, but then again I'd argue, who is? The goalposts of gender are CONSTANTLY SHIFTING. Gender isn't a physical object, it's a role, a performance, a persona. My mom is probably more "butch" than any other straight woman I've met--short hair, wears more non-gendered clothing (polos and jeans, all day every day)--but also, does the feminine-coded stuff that she likes. She loves cooking, knitting, gardening, and generally tending to the home. She is literally a hobbit, a platonic ideal of a Tolkien-esque halfling. She loves things that grow, she loves teaching, she loves reading, learning, and making things. She rarely did anything more than the most basic makeup and jewelry, and seldom wore a dress or a skirt except for on special occasions.

In all honesty, I'm probably going to be more femme than her. I like my hair longer, and want to grow it out. I don't know how to do makeup yet, but I have a feeling once I get good at it I'll never want to take it off. I got my ears pierce, and absolutely LOVE how it makes me look, just a bit of personal sparkle to shine outwards. These are all such small things, in the end. Mentally, I'm still the same. I've always been this way. But I'm so much happier when I'm seen as a woman. My partner says I'm a completely different person, one who's happy, exuberant and vibrant. And she likes seeing me happy.

I'm not looking forward to the more turbulent aspects of puberty, but I think it will be worth it, in the end. I'm excited to transition. Now, I gotta think about changing my legal name, coming out at work... but that can wait for now. Right now, I'm excited about the future.

[genderqueerdykes]

Hello! (Sorry for my English, I'm using a translator to write this XP) I really love your posts and they really helped me sort out my feelings in a lot of ways (including as a trans man), but I still have a lot of doubts. I like to think and talk about myself as a man, but at the same time I do not have severe gender dysphoria, and when I think about starting my transition, I am tormented by huge doubts, as if I am afraid to regret my decision, but at the same time I like to imagine myself as a man and I very often regret that I was not born a man (like I would like to have a penis and get rid of this annoying breast). I seem to have a special idea of ​​what kind of man I should be, and if I don’t be exactly that, then my life will be destroyed. I have read a lot about how male hormones affect the body of trans guys and I am afraid to face the negative consequences of the transition (for example, baldness, I am very attached to my long hair and I am afraid of losing it), I am afraid that I will become ugly and only cripple my body . I'm scared that I'll never be a full-fledged man. Can you please tell more about how you felt when you first started to accept yourself as a trans man, it would help me a lot :)

hello!

dysphoria is not required to be any type of trans person.

it is normal to have doubts at first when questioning one's gender, i think it's good that you've figured out that you definitely perceive yourself as male and enjoy doing so, that is honestly the most important part of the experience. fear and anxiety creep in and make us second guess ourselves but the truth is honestly more simple than we feel

fortunately testosterone doesn't make anyone "ugly" or "crippled" and many of the effects of testosterone in the body "revert" back to how it was before if the person is not taking testosterone for a substantial amount of time (1.5 years+). please be careful when sending other people asks like this, this belief is radfem/terf rhetoric, and it's best to undo that thinking and understand that testosterone is a hormone that exists in all of our endocrine systems regardless of agab- every person has both estrogen and testosterone in their bodies at all times, and not one hormone or the other makes someone ugly or bad- there is nothing inherently bad about testosterone, or high testosterone bodies.

please remember when sending me asks like this that i was born in a high testosterone body and HRT helped and affected my body secondarily, not primarily- it is taken to augment my body's naturally high T levels. this line of thinking makes me feel super alienated from the transmasculine community and awkward, which is partially why i primarily identify as a trans woman and struggle to identify as a trans man anymore.

it's normal to fear balding, every transmasc and trans man i've ever met has feared baldness, myself included, but baldness isn't a guarantee, it's just 1 possible side effect amongst many. you are not guaranteed to go bald and you are able to do testing to see if you are genetically more likely to. also, if you do begin to bald, it is not the end of the world, as there are lots of medications that treat balding and your endocrinologist will be aware of these risks when starting you on testosterone HRT, so you will have advanced access to this type of care

if you don't want to go on T, you don't have to, that is not a requirement for being a trans man or transmasculine person. it is up to you to decide if that's appropriate for you. if you don't go on hormones and decide to socially transition and decide you don't like being seen as a man after all, then you didn't do any harm to anyone or anything, you didn't irreparably change anything, or anything like that. there's no harm in doing a trial run of an identity without hormones if you want to test the waters and see how it feels

if you like the positives of T and are only really concerned about baldness, i would say that it sounds like testosterone could be a good choice for you. i think it's best to weigh the pros and cons and if balding is the only real con you are concerned about, it may be worthwhile to talk to a doctor in your area

it's very normal to have these types of fears and to question yourself, it's healthy to do so, and most people go through a very long questioning period before trying out the identity they feel they are. it works best for some to go by that identity online for some time, then come out to irl friends, then progress from there, dressing how you want to in public, etc. it's up to you to decide, but overall, you sound like you have a very normal trans man experience. it's okay to not want to go on T and to not have dysphoria. that is one of the most common expressions of trans manhood i come across, actually

i hope this helps, take care, good luck in your journey, hope you are able to figure things out and do what's right for you. you deserve the time to figure yourself out above all else

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

pls share ur omori headcanons

uhhh i dont have much written down but:

kel is nonbinary in the "dont give a shit about gender" way like i mentioned. he has adhd and his family is latino with like one filipino relative somewhere on his mom's side

hero and mari are the supportive straight allies (hero even managed to help aubrey with hrt)

basil is bisexual and homoromantic and still in the closet

aubrey's father is chinese-american and is supportive, but has to live far away because aubrey's excuse of a mother is a colossal asshole and threatened to take legal action of some kind (really it was a bluff but nobody knew that). he has a job and sends aubrey money and finishes paperwork to help her with transitioning and life in general.

aubrey socially transitioned very young but had to hide it from her mother a lot, she and basil bonded over gender questioning (basil is cis however he was questioning at one point and aubrey helped him)

aubrey's mother is an abusive piece of shit who used to be a LOT worse than a neglectful alcoholic and she'd deadname or misgender aubrey a lot. she backed off at some point after aubrey went on hrt and now just pretends she doesn't exist.

sunny and kel are both ace and sunny is aromantic while kel is panromantic. kel is going to SERIOUSLY regret all his "stinky girls" type comments when he has to ask some of his old classmates for advice on dating boys.

hero has intrusive thoughts that get worse under stress and trauma, that's partially why he snapped at kel

basil's family were european immigrants but due to economic and citizenship issues had to head back to europe while basil had to stay behind. he hasn't seen them since he was five. they try to send birthday cards to him every year but most of the time they get lost in the post office. eventually they'll reunite when facetime first debuts.

kim is a lesbian and vance's reaction when she came out was something like "hell yeah i like women too"

the hooligans aren't the ruthless town bullies, they're mostly former losers or bullying victims. generational trauma :/

charlie is a trans girl and has voice dysphoria

sunny is semi-verbal and prefers to draw or write his thoughts out. he struggles with sign language. he will absolutely treasure emojis/emoticons and text messaging.

if kel got transported to modern times with full knowledge of memes and technology he would have a saul goodman pfp on discord

[genderqueerpositivity]

(TW: gender dysphoria, mental illness, HRT, medication, transphobia, ableism, possibly internalized ableism and transphobia.

This is a lot so read at your own risk.)

Being on testosterone has been such a major thing for my mental health. I'm what, a year and four months on testosterone now? I only really started to understand the full impact of the dysphoria once it began to ease. I am incredibly grateful that HRT has done so much to improve my life and I'm grateful to have access to it, while I can.

I can't even fully express the difference that being on testosterone has made for me.

At the same time, it's also become (even more) obvious over the past year that a lot of my mental health issues are...not dysphoria. HRT wasn't a "magic pill", so to speak. My issues were also not "just depression and anxiety", but have been incorrectly diagnosed as such for a long time, including by myself.

The first time that I really attempted to address this last year, it went badly. I was struggling and desperate for someone to understand, and having that pain dismissed put me off the idea of asking for help again, for months.

But I finally did again this week. I have a possible name for what I've been going through. And I'll be starting a new medication shortly.

I'm mentally ill.

I'm mentally ill and I'm trans.

My neurodivergence has already been used against me in the past to invalidate my transness. What will happen if I am potentially being given an even more stigmatized label?

This will absolutely be information that I'm not sharing with my HRT provider (even though I've been with their practice long enough that I legitimately don't believe it would change anything)...but is this going to stand in the way of me having gender affirming surgery later?

On some level I'm also afraid. I know my gender. I know that I'm trans. But there is also this quiet fear I can get rid of that I'm going to start this medication and somehow discover that my transness was some kind of 12+ year long delusion. Which is terrifying in a way I can really explain. It's like the very first time that I started antidepressants and was afraid that my entire personality would change and I would be someone else entirely. It's unlikely and frightening at the same time.

I have been desperately trying to get my shit together for months now and I know that this is a necessary first step. The amount of stress I've been under since last fall has definitely played a role in things getting as rough as they have. I'm trying to figure out where to go from here. I have other appointments to make and such, prescriptions to fill and somehow make myself take on time everyday.

Overall I'm not really surprised by anything that's happened. I am a little embarrassed of having to share the worst of what happens in my head with a total stranger. I'm a little afraid of what the new medication will do to me, I'm a little bit scared.

I'm also hopeful that it might work. And relieved to finally have done something about this.

[the-ace-with-spades]

This is a personal rant just so I can get it out of me before I talk to my manager so feel free to ignore if I do post it

Working in healthcare and being a trans guy that doesn't completely pass sucks. And not because of the patients, the patients are sweethearts about it 9 out of 10 times -- I had a 100 yo lady who asked me if I'm a boy or a girl more politely than most of my co-workers and then who tried to respect it harder than most of them too, and a gent that was absolutely the rudest 60 yo guy ever but still asked me what my pronouns were so he could cuss me out using correct insults.

My real name is stereotypically masc. I didn't really pass at all when I started working where I work but now I pass about 60% and then the number keeps on going up because what always throws people off is either my hips or my voice --- which, both are changing now. Before I told everyone to go by a gender neutral nickname to not confuse patients or their family and let them think what they want (because I don't care what they think my gender is, I care about helping them to the best of my ability and arguing with them is not going to help anyone) -- which was talked about with my very supportive manager when I started working where I work -- everyone knew me only by my full masc name for like a month.

I don't like to assume malice from people so if someone kept on misgendering me despite that, I'd first assume they misheard my name and took away two letters from it and shuffled one (as unlikely as it was) or that they thought my parents were doing the new age thing and named their 'daughter' with a masc name because they could. So I take the person who misgenders me to the side and clarify 'hey, I'm transgender, so a guy who uses he/him, please try to use the correct pronouns. It's okay if patients misgender me, just go with the flow, but try to not misgender me first if you can help it. Thank you'. Always add that if they have questions, just ask me, I'll be your transgender encyclopedia because I don't mind educating people on the basics.

Currently, out of team of 70, I get gendered correctly by maybe 10 despite everyone knowing. One lady is absolutely brilliant about it and no wonder because she has a enby kid herself. There's a gay guy who likes to ask millions of questions and some of them are TMI but he always takes a 'I'm not replying to that' as a solid answer and apologizes for overstepping -- he even now understands the concept of deadnames and dysphoria and how HRT is helping. There's another guy who was thrown aback a bit but went along with everything fine after like two more explanations because it was new to him. There are some coworkers who will use the wrong pronouns and correct themselves and it isn't ideal but those are mostly people who don't have English as their first language and misgender everyone because their first language isn't gendered, patients and other co-workers included. Senior personnel are mostly okay, too, with the exception of one guy - aside from him, all band 6s and band 7s use proper pronouns and nouns when talking about me.

But our team's LGBT champion, another gay guy who has worked in healthcare for over 10 years, decided to tell me a story about Jamie, who worked with the team for a short while and was also a trans guy and he decided to tell me about him by saying, "His name used to be deadname tho and he was a she for a chunk of time he worked with us." The LGBT champion, the liaison who is supposed to be the hearing ear, the whistleblower for homophobia and transphobia on our team. Then he proceeded to talk about Jamie using he and she interchangeably. The LGBT champion.

I don't like to assume malice from people so I explained, once again, that calling someone by their past name they no longer use, telling it to someone who is virtually a stranger, is a no-no, like to a child. Then I got asked if I'm planning to do The Surgery. And what the fuck that means? There's so many different surgeries you can have as transmasc and even the bottom surgery isn't even a surgery -- it's more like 5 surgeries stacked on itself. So I explained again. And then a few days later you know what I heard when he talked to a pt's doctor mentioning me? 'She saw the xxx not me." I feel like a broken record.

And you know what happened? We got a transgender lady as our patient. Transitioned in her thirties, passing a bit better than me -- I was able to tell but most people probably wouldn't. She was getting gendered correctly until someone looked at her records where she admitted she is transgender for the sake of transparency --- our records have trans women as male but identifying female, which to me just sounds awful too but apparently was chosen by a group of LGBT champions from our region's trusts. And then boom, everyone changed their fucking tale -- he needs a different catheter, he is on bed rest, you don't have to bring him a bedpan, he can use bottles, etc. The poor woman was not only in distress because of her health but close to crying when the personnel that was supposed to be helping her, kept on misgendering her in front of other people. When I tried to calm her down, she said she hadn't felt so humiliated in years and that she wishes she never sought out help. I could only apologise to her and tell her I'm trans too and I'm sorry this is happening when she should only be focusing on her health.

By the time she was leaving our care, she told me I and one of the mentioned supportive guys are the only reason she's not making a formal complaint. I told her to make a formal complaint. I told her to mention me in it and I'll confirm it all.

The majority of those people worked in healthcare for over 10+ years. The majority of them have healthcare-related degrees that took 2-4 years to get.

I'm fed up with it. Doctors have training about transgender people in med school now and you can see that with the juniors and the younger ones. But the rest of the personnel just don't care or don't think it's real or whatever else. There's this kind of numbness in those healthcare professions, which are supposed to be caring, toward treating transgender people with respect and it seems like it's pushed away to the sidelines because transgender patients are so rare.

And the worst thing is, I don't know what can be done about it. If they don't care to educate themselves when they've got a living, breathing examples working with them, explaining stuff and willing to answer question, proving that trans people are real people with lives and stories and families, then how do you make them care?

[helmarok]

team rocket headcanons … sock em to me

yeas okay 🥰

ive said this like 50 million bajillion times but james is full of tgirl swag as a nonbinary/genderfluid woman

she's amab, and went on hrt for a little over a year between late OS and early hoenn. she decided to stop cuz at that point she was comfortable with her changes, especially her voice. though still her voice is fairly low and she doesnt exactly conform to the norm of what a woman looks like, her relationship with her gender is something only she can really understand and she loves who she is

the first person she came out to was jessie- while when she was a little LITTLE kid before she knew about identity technically it was nanny and popop cuz she would constantly ask to wear dresses and "pretend to be a girl" (🥚) BUT during the bike gang days (runaway daze) jessie was who she first told about how she felt. later in OS then theyre in gay love james comes out again which at this point in time james has had nearly all of themself beat out of them by you know who. kidnapped from sunnytown a year later they were basically converted back to "normal". though knowing this was wrong, it still stuck with james that those years of questioning when they were a teen was just a phase, and repressed as much dysphoria as possible. anyways on with the point i made a comic about this that is kinda ugly at this point but its about how james comes to terms with the fact that theyre not male

WHY DID I WRITE ACTUAL LORE I MEANT TO WRITE QUICK LITTLE HEADCANONS

anyways um. back in runaway daze jessie dated tyra and james was with chopper, who are the two cool bike guy and girl from that episode... tell me they werent in gay love i dare you

jessie and cassidy are exes (DUH) and cassidy was the most serious relationship shes ever been in. cassidy picked her up from the worst month of jessie's life when she failed nursing school and practically lived in alleyways

jessie's first pokemon was a starmie that she found washed up injured on the beach and nursed back to health as a child. its kinda and unexpected first pokemon for jess but its just a nod towards her weird bizarre "i was a ninja girl" bullshit story where she had one

james' last name is morgante, her parents' names being giorgio and eliza. her stupid italian dad owns a billionaire tech company called morgantech, he is basically pokemon bill gates

meowth is jewish

in journeys meowth ends up adopting a galarian meowth born in a wet cardboard box all alone. it tells him its name is scrimblo, and he takes it in as his own son with every disease. scrimblo has stunted growth and is stuck kitten sized for eternity, with a tail completely unaffected by the stunted growth so its just a giant bushy tail on a little rat creature

in sun and moon jessie and james got married, and mareanie got to be included in her own little veil and getting to stand at the altar too and give james a poison kissy

more sun and moon things, they have a pickup truck jessie named "the milf mobile" that is kinda run down. james found it overgrown in the woods and took it to the treehouse, then repaired it with their magical engineering skills. they regularly drove ash where he needed to be or straight up just took him on drives where he sat in the bed of it

after journeys the trio quit and go back home to alola, where they work on opening a place called "mama ki's malasada cafe" instead of just a food truck. the trio and twerps also work on expanding their treehouse for jaime, as well as expanding it for the pokemon they brought with them from HQ

over time their little treehouse area becomes a bit of a wild pokemon center- injured wild pokemon would come over to receive help, and word would get around in wild pokemon communities that its the place to be. a few pokemon jessie bandaged later and the whole place is a zoo

meowth always wanted to be a dad, but cant have eggs of his own despite being afab. he quickly grows attached to baby pokemon and pokemon eggs, and even has a soft spot for human babies. THATS WHY IM A MEOWTH GETS TO BE A DAD TRUTHER AND HE GETS SCRIMBLO

ive seen some headcanons around this and while realistically it makes sense the trio would all be like... i guess normal people drinking? but here here here i. how do i explain that theres this certain bit of lore in my canon where human people have the blood type of pokemon types rather than A or B or whatever... what im saying here is james is a poison type. this means they can digest and take in an absurd amount of toxins with no effect to their body. now what does this have to do with anything you ask... one way the trio would get quick cash was make insanely high bets at bars for drinking contests, and bets on james winning, completely unfair because james can drink an amount of alcohol that would kill a man and her body just thinks its yummy juice. so theyd pit james against some tough guy and have them drink, only for james' opponent to lose cuz of the unfair advantage. so, jessie and meowth grab their unfair bet money and go blow it on a mecha

on the blood types thing also, jessie is fire. she is very warm to cuddle like fever level warm. she has fangs duh and also claws cuz im a monsterfucker but im just gonna excuse my behavior with worldbuilding

growlie has severe trauma due to obvious reasons having seen the things done to his best friend, so when meeting jessie he sees a similar face and cant clearly enough tell the very visible difference between her and jessebelle. it took him a while to get used to her- if she so much as layed a hand on james to get their attention, growlie would start barking and push himself between the two

sorry for this sentence but harley is jessie and james' twinkish sugar daddy

james grew up in the south and has a southern accent that theyve managed to for the most part get out of their system. but its not that easy and when theh get angry or yell at all everyone can hear it. they get made fun of a lot for that

jessie uses honey shampoo, which is part of why stufful clung to her hair besides the scent of mama ki.

jess is also the malasada queen and thats one of her favorite treats. she loves snacking and chewing is a huge stim for her. her favorite food is anything with either honey or soy sauce. shes also obsessed with fried rice

meowth is the team's adult i guess i should say, even though jessie and james are adults meowth is the one whos maturity is that of an adult. he helps them through most problems and helps them with things like driving. it was actually meowth (a cat) who taught james (a human) to drive

I KNOW THATS A LOT I HAVE SO MUCH MORE BUT HERE YOU GO

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

Hi, I just found ur blog and I really love it but I was wondering if I could get some advice on like, everything

I've had a really complicated relationship with gender for a while, when I was younger I thought I was a trans girl then went into denial for a few years but now I'm like 99% sure I really am a trans girl, but some things don't quite add up. When people I know call me by my given name or he/him pronouns it feels like, ok, but when I have to introduce myself with masculine terms or by my name it feels gross and dysphoric

I have lots of dysphoria in other areas too but specifically in the topic of names and pronouns I've been really confused. I'm used to being called he/him but when I really think about it, it makes me feel really wrong. But with she/her pronouns, it also feels wrong. i don't know of it's just because I'm not used to them or something but he, she, and they pronouns don't really feel right. Same thing with names

Sorry this was so long I jusy really felt confused and didn't know where to ask about stuff like this!! Have a great day :)

“if I could get some advice on like, everything” anon i LOVE that

Thing is, there’s this like, Ideal version of what trans people have to be, created by like cis people and tr*nsmed bootlickers. Like Hello my name is I Am A Passing Binary Trans Person and I feel so much dysphoria im depressed and am on HRT a and physically transitioned, and I hate being trans but like. That doesn’t apply to everyone. Not every trans person feels dysphoria in everything, not every trans person is name and pronoun conforming, not every trans person is 100% Sure All The Time.

If being called by your given name and he/him doesn’t make you dysphoric that doesn’t mean you’re not trans. Like, I’m a trans guy, I don’t have a lot of physical dysphoria, doesn’t mean I’m not a guy

If u say u are a girl, and u are honest about it, u are a girl, full stop.

Ahh yea that’s a weird feeling, isn’t it? Bc it’s like, this determines identity, this determines *who u are* so u get stressed and our significance into it but u don’t have to bc like. It’s a name. It’s pronouns. They are Sounds We Made Up. U are u, regardless of name and pronouns. Take a deep breath my friend. You’ll find smth eventually or maybe u won’t, what matters is are you happy? Are you forgetting about finding yourself and starting to create yourself?

So, I’ve found there’s two types of weird when finding new names/pronouns.

One, just dysphoria. You try and it feels Wrong, it’s gross, it’s like your hands are covered in something slimey. It feels like too-tight shoes or clothes the wrong size or looking in the mirror and seeing someone else. No matter how long you try on new names/pronouns, it feels Wrong, and you can’t get used to it.

Two, good-weird. It’s like…new shoes. Strange, at first, because they’re *new* and *different* and you’re not used to them, but different doesn’t always mean bad. As you keep wearing in the shoes you realise they’re much more comfy than your old ones, fit better, feel better. But you don’t realise this immediately, you gotta like, try it out for a week or so. Vibe with it, see how it feels.

So like, what I recommend is, don’t drop new names immediately just bc they feel wrong. Try it out for at least a few days or a week, then if it still feels wrong, drop it. A lot of names will stick, and you’ll find that the weirdness was just not being used to them.

Just…don’t try to fit into other peoples boxes. Don’t search for an identifier, an anchor to the world of gender. Just like…float in a gender sea for a while. Drifting and exploring. Just be happy, be free, be yourself, and if you find a piece of driftwood or a cool island (labels/names/pronouns in this metaphor) stick to it. Be happy first, find labels second.

I hope I could help you out!! You are loved. Drink some water <3

[uniasus]

in make me your bomb verse, how does viktor deal w bouts of dysphoria? is there anything his family does or can do that helps w his dysphoria?

MMM, complicated question because my Viktor HCs wander from fic to fic and I'm writing dysphoria scenes for (pre-transition) him in Grocery List Goals.

I imagine his dysphoria hasn't been on the super extreme end and mostly has to do with body shape, but also has a few crossovers feels with more feminine experiences - namely being uncomfortable with (sexual-coded) attention to the point where some women make clothing choices to try to downplay that. I imagine that in his 20s, he was an occasional target and so those long shirts he used to wear? Hard to say if that desire to hide his shape was dysphoria or body shyness. Especially when on the meds.

By the time 'Bomb happens, Viktor's been him for roughly a year (and pushing 18 months no meds) so he's able to pick that feeling apart and go "yup, dysphoria" but it continues to be based on how he wants to look/be socially accepted as vs how his body functions. Which is great, because he can't take HRT. (This is also a narrative decision I'm making to, you know, ease down in the suffering I pile on the guy.)

So clothing is a big way he deals with dysphoria as well as making sure his hair doesn't get too long. Sissy can tell when he starts picking at his hair, and so makes sure to sit him down and give it a trim. There's tighter clothing in his wardrobe he won't wear on bad days at first, but those concerns start to fade as he bulks up from farm work (Sissy likes the biceps, which is enough for him to not mind the tighter sleeves because being seen as an attractive man helps counteract the dysphoria) and get's top surgery down the road.

Still not a fan of full-body reflections, but if what he sees in the bathroom mirror screams "guy!", most days he's good. And while he knows masculinity is a range (see: Klaus) he likes to lean into traditionally male roles to affirm his gender and may double down on dysphoria days. Around the farm, it's doing a bulk of the mechanic work. If Sissy sees him replacing the oil in the truck when it's not due, she knows it's a day to amp up the comments about how handsome and strong he is. Maybe note she likes grease-covered hands.

Obviously, Sissy is the one that helps the most. They're partners so she picks up on the little things the rest of the family doesn't and they've made adjustments in their relationship to make Viktor feel better. His nicknames are always shortened versions of his name ('babe' was a hard no, and 'honey' also made him itch). He's usually the big spoon (despite Sissy being taller). Sissy makes sure he gets Father's Day cards from Harlan.

Luther is a spiritual helper. I imagine watching Viktor breakdown in the elevator carries over into Bomb so he's always trying to do things to improve Viktor's mental health. Constant conversations about how he's doing can get annoying to Viktor, and Luther's not sure how to have them, so he defaults to gift giving. So random things around the farm, like Viktor's fav coffee cup that says "Man of the House", are gifts from him. Viktor likes the reminder that others see and accept him as a guy, even if it's a hokey novelty item from a brother.

[kobalent]

so,,,, today i confronted my doctor about my estradiol dosage.

in late january i talked to her to swap over from patches (my sensitive skin didn't like them :c ) to tablets, but since my doctor couldn't find a direct conversion chart from patches to tablets, she put me on the lowest dose (0.5mg twice a day) to err in the side of caution...

[cw: gender dysphoria]

over the last few months i started noticing some changes, mostly facial hair growing faster, body odor returning to what it was pre-transition, breasts stopped growing, and other symptoms in line with what my body was doing before starting HRT.

i knew i had an appointment schefuled for today, so i mostly just stuck it out. it was clear to me that my estrogen levels were lower than with the patches —i was wearing 3 patches a week by the time i stopped; a bit of a high dosage— and i knew that was to be expected from going into the smallest dosage for tablets, which i used sublingually for better absorption since many transfem friends had recommended that beforehand.

what i was not ready for was the result of some blood tests i took a little over a week ago in preparation for this appointment.

my testosterone was higher than the first blood test i took when starting on patches two and a half years ago, and my estrogen was lower at 45.6pg/mL, which is absurdly low for the purpose of HRT. basically, i had been off of HRT for the last three months. all the symptoms that were causing me dysphoria were in fact caused by being prescribed what is a negligible amount of estradiol. the moment i saw the results i doubled up on my doses.

i asked a bunch of transfem friends what their dosage is for estradiol tablets, and most of them responded 8mg a day, and a few with 6. i was on 1/8th of a dosage. for three months.

so, today that i had my appointment with the doctor, i asked her to put me on 8mg. she was hesitant at first; her intention was to slowly crawl up the dosage starting with 2mg for the next month. i kept insisting, pulling up receipts after receipts that taking this slow right now would just be a waste of time, especially since i already was on a decent dose with the patches beforehand. after some back and forth from her being hesitant to make much of a jump and me insisting on 8mg, we landed on 6mg for the next month, getting lab tests near the end of may, and then considering a jump to the full 8.

i am happy i could successfully advocate for myself in this occasion, but also endlessly frustrated that even in what is considered a very trans-friendly part of the u.s. i have to do all the research for my doctor and pay her so i get the ~privilege~ to teach her what appropriate trans care looks like.

i don't know how to end this post. just,,,, kinda venting my annoyance at the current state of medical care in the u.s. and the consequences of treating trans care specifically as this mystical "new" science that "no body knows how to deal with". the information IS out there. there is a LONG history of HRT for the purpose of transitioning, but the fearmongering from bigots blocking access to this branch of medicine cause ripples even in places that label themselves as "safe". ripples that cause harm from negligence and incompetence paired with the unwillingness to listen from medical staff that admit to being inexperienced in this particular field.

HRT is not some dangerous experimental science. it has been done for decades. it is reliable. and it sucks that the only reliable resources available on the matter are community anecdotes.

[michaels-office-hours]

So… I recently found a streamer called F1nnster? And that guy is making me think way too much about things.

(I wouldn’t be tying him into this post if it weren’t for the fact he’s funny and I think needs more recognition.)

Gonna put under the cut cause man alive this is a long rant and I’m gonna be rambling.

Keep scrolling! Enjoy your day! Go get some hot coco! Hope you know you’re loved.🫰🏻

Ok. Now onto my existential crisis.

So… he started by cross dressing as a joke. Small at first. Then it became “girl month”. Then it be a,e people paying him donos to meet the goal to keep girlmonth going. Then it became all the time. Then it became him quietly taking HRT. And now he’s out as Gender-fluid (I’m still using he/him cause he said he still feels like majority “boy” which I feel that man)

How does this tie into me? Well……

Jewels in the latter half of 2022 started wearing more button up shirts, and jeans and belts. Kinda business casual… but also really masc. and a lot of hoodies. I’ll admit? That was me XD. She didn’t know about us at that point, so Olivia and I were getting a bit desperate to get her attention. She’d literally go from full on dress and cutesie, to hoodie and looking masc one second later. It was hilarious.

Me and Olivia still do that between ourselves.

I’ve been host for a while now… and the way I dress really shows it. I have short hair, Jewels used to have it down to her waste. Haven’t had that for nearly two years. I legit have MatPat hair most of the time! lol.

People will walk up and say sir if I keep my mouth shut. My voice is pretty much the only thing that gives it away.

Which is why F1nnster and all makes me think too much.

Since I’ve been online, I see the trans community, and it itches my brain. I’m not a man. I’m just a guy. I got over the manly man thing before I joined the system XD. But… I do get body dysphoria. I freak out at the sound of my own voice, because it really is a woman’s, no mistaking that no matter what I try.

But… this body also isn’t mine. Or… if you wanna get specific? It’s not only mine.

I share it. With both Olivia and Jewels. Both of which are fem presenting, or VERY feminine.

Jewels has issues with her voice because of bullying… but doesn’t want to change it that much, or her body.

Olivia’s voice is Jewels’ but pitched up even higher, and with a more feminine flair. And she sometimes gets a bit of dysphoria the other direction, because we aren’t the most curvy or conventionally pretty girl… (I beg to differ. And in fact most people rave about how we’re gorgeous if Olivia picks the outfit… soooo. With the long hair people thought we were a celebrity or something.)

In both cases? I’d rather die than take something from either of them.

Because of messed up alter stuff? I know what it’s like to have someone else running you like a puppet, and you have no control over your own body. I hate that I’m even host sometimes, robbing Jewels of her own body, I couldn’t imagine trying to make it more comfortable just because I’m a little uncomfortable.

And I’ve heard voices on T? They aren’t really what I want. I want the extra deep, smooth, voice. … I doubt I could get that from the starting point I have. And I would hate to never hear Olivia’s voice again… that’s some of the reason I’m still here… cause she said one thing. I couldn’t do that.

Btw. This isn’t an anti trans post in the slightest.

It’s more of a … “y’all make it look so nice, I wish I could. But it’d mean giving up things that means so much to people really close to me so I can’t. I’m so interested in it. But man it makes brain itch in weird ways I don’t need to think about”

I hope y’all can live your dreams. I- can’t. Heh.

Am I screaming into the void in a vague attempt that someone will tell me I can have my cake and eat it too? No nooooo not at all/sarcasm drools on the floor in a desperate attempt to sound normal

I love my fellow headmates too much to make them give something up for my two second, three years, or even life of glory. Cause either won’t be host all the time. Things change. And I know how much this hurts. I’d rather take that pain forever than ever give it to my girls.

Ok so I’ve been rambling a while. Gonna shut up and actually get something to eat and stop beating myself up and daydreaming about the impossible now XD

[prettygurlthings]

Who am I?

Since I started my blog there have been a lot of inquiries via DM's about who I am, what am, why I post what I post. However, I also get a lot of unwanted sexual advances.

So to clear up a bunch of things, I thought I would start answering some questions publicly, since I find myself responding with the same answer to the same questions everyday.

1 - I am a CIS gender female. I am not a crossdresser, nor am I transgendered myself. I am however an unabashed lesbian, no questions asked. I don't like men sexually full stop.

2 - I am woman in my 40s, living a fantastic life. Yes, I dated boys when I was younger while trying to find and define my sexuality; However, I also dated girls and women before coming to a point where I understood that I was a lesbian.

3 - Fortunately I grew up as an upper middle class girl who admittedly had a lot of advantages while growing up. I lived in a city that was large enough to have an alternate lifestyle scene where you could be somewhat anonymous.

4 - My first lesbian experience was when I was 14. I attended a private boarding school for girls in the Northeast. Although I had attended boarding school since I was in grade 6, it wasn't until grade 9 when the girls dorm went from 4 girls to a room to a dorm room with just you and another girl. My world changed that year. Giulia my roommate was from Turin Italy; tall, dark with hair to die for. She still holds a special place in my memories and is still one of my very close friends.

5 - I consider any person, regardless of pronouns, who's life takes them on a journey where they are battling gender dysphoria and chooses to embark on achieving their chosen gender identity, to be their chosen gender identity. Therefor, I consider women who have transitioned (i.e. live full time as a woman, are on HRT or who have have undergone gender re-assignment surgery) to be women. This is a basic human right that I fully support. I find femininity to not be bound by birth. I date transgendered women as equally as I do CIS gender females.

6 - I do not date crossdressers. I do not offer, nor do I engage in "sexting". If you are a crossdresser and find yourself on the pathway to choosing a gender identity I will be more than happy to chat, but I will no way engage in any sexual banter.

I will engage with anyone however, who is polite, respectful and well meaning.

7 - I created this blog a couple of weeks after I was in a car accident where I broke my right leg & hip. I was bed ridden with nothing else todo but read, watch crappy TV and surf the web. I was actually looking for fashion options I could get that would accommodate my cast, when I hit upon fashion photos on Tumblr. I started collecting stuff I liked and suddenly my daily web surfing became about what I missed, female beauty and companionship at all its different levels.

8 - What you see is what I like - nothing other than that. BTW, as I mentioned earlier, that includes transgendered women.

9 - My typical preferences are really very simple. I love the female form in all its shapes and sizes. I'm a lesbian because I'm attracted to girls/ladies/women and really feminine things. I am NOT butch, but actually very feminine. I guess the term used in most blogs is "Femme".

While I have many male friends I am NOT sexually attracted to them.

10 - I get a lot of questions asking if I will post/share pictures of myself. Not really; However, there are several photos in my blog of myself that I feel are anonymous enough to share. Look hard and you may pick up on the hints.

NOTE: I look forward to your chat requests, questions or inquiries.