#OR i gain an insane amount of power daily

[ectoplasmic-entity]

I think there’s potential chemistry between Dan and Fright Knight.

Remember this post?

We don’t know much about how they know each other or how they met. The most we get in TUE is Fright referring to Dan as “master”. In spite of the little info we get, I can reference to Fright giving his services to the most powerful ghost in the Ghost Zone. Previously it was Pariah Dark, but in the alternate timeline it’s Dan since Pariah at that point is still sealed in the Sarcophagus.

So that leaves how did they meet? And why does Fright Knight specifically only work with ghosts who have the most power?

They probably didn’t meet right away. Fright would’ve been sealed away in the crumbling ruins of Pariah’s Keep.

Considering just how powerful Dan is, chances are Fright probably sensed that power even from such a considerable distance. Even if not physically present, he still probably felt that immense power reverberating through the Zone.

Immense, overwhelming, hungry. It seeps deep into Fright, an addicting, acidic taste. He relished in it.

More under the cut because I spent far longer than I should have writing this _(-ω-`_)

As curious as he may be, he doesn’t know who or what this power is. Unless his sword is removed and he’s freed from his prison, all Fright can do is sit and bide his time. He does however, have a continuous feed of the power surges.

Dan probably didn’t consider Fright Knight at first. Maybe nearly forgot that the ghostly knight was sealed away. He doesn’t need another obstacle in his way. Oh, it’d be fun for sure, but Dan does tire quickly of the same enemies over and over again.

The frequency of his attacks has slowed down. Dan’s becoming aimless and restless. Both humans and ghosts fear him. He can’t possibly gain any more than that.

Dan is bored.

Admittedly, he occasionally wonders about having someone just…not fight him for a change. Or at least not try to destroy him on a daily basis, Dan didn’t want himself going slack.

The thought does eat at him. Who’d want someone like him? Not likely very many, Dan would bet.

He tried to ignore it but he couldn’t help feel a small pang of…loneliness. Dan had grown pretty used to it. It still didn’t erase the fact that he felt it.

It wasn’t like he needed someone. Just…someone to be there. 

Dan shook it off. He was going to drive himself insane going around in circles. He didn’t need anything, to be held back. Dan was very much capable on his own.

Since Dan was getting tired of the same faces showing up over and over again, even when he beat them and made sure they knew it. He goes out to seek out potential new opponents who could actually keep Dan on his toes.

There’s no one in specific. He wanders far and wide across the Ghost Zone. Ghosts of all kinds veer away from Dan, fearing retaliation if they came across him. Deeper and deeper in the never-ending depths. Ghostly doors and isles so lonely that they may as well be calling out.

Ancient, ruined rocky ruins of ghost lairs long past. Hardly interesting, but Dan does feel a pull. Something in his gut that says keep going. The haunting lull of an old isle he was aware of, though very few ghosts ever visited it. Not really a “call” per say, Dan just had that deep gut feeling that he’d find something waiting for him there.

Battle scarred and scorched rocks and ruins greet him. The remnants of a massive fortress sit atop a huge chunk of rock. Just barely large enough to hold it all up. An ominous sensation came over Dan as he approached it, he barely even blinks at it.

Dan gets excited, though he doesn’t understand why.

Past the blown apart gates and into the halls of Pariah’s Keep. It is undeniably empty, barely any amounts of ecto energy flowed through here. The creaks and groans of the old foundations spelled danger. Dan supposed he should be quick about it lest he gets interrupted by something inane.

The tall, foreboding walls loom over him as he approached the main room. Dan can feel the impressions of a time long past. An elaborate and ghostly throne room in disarray. Cracks, debris, craters and scorch marks told Dan all he needed to know.

Barely minding attention to the large sarcophagus that rested at the top of a winding stairway, an eerie purple aura lured Dan away. It was barely noticeable and a faint hum emitted from it. It seemed familiar, the way it reached out to him.

Far off to the side in the shadows. Innocuous and so close by yet out of sight, easily missed.

The purple aura unveiled itself in the form of an eerie Jack-o-Lantern. Its wide, demented expression stared right through Dan. A wariness came over him in the form of a tingle down his body, which Dan was admittedly impressed by.

Curiously, a large, sharp green sword is impaled through the fruit. Dan could barely stand looking at it. The blade seemed to sing out to him, whispered of secrets and fears untold. The metal rang dangerously in Dan’s ears.

Curious indeed as to why the blade was struck through the pumpkin.

What if Dan removed the sword?

After all the world had tried to throw at him, there couldn’t possibly be something any worse than that. Dan…wasn’t that young anymore, his very being was hardened and refined to a point it seemed inhuman.

Hands loosely held the hilt at first, then reflexively tighten. With very little effort, the sword is pulled free. A wave of ominous, overwhelming spectral energy surged out. Dan skidded back a bit, his boots dug into the ground. He retained balance and fought against the unnatural gust of wind.

As soon as it started up, it suddenly fettered out. Only a faint whoosh indicated it ever even happened. The sword felt heavy in his hands, his strength wavered ever so slightly. It seemed as though the blade didn’t want him holding it.

Too true when Dan sensed a presence behind him. He swiftly swung the sword and with a loud clang, he skidded back in the other direction. The sword vibrated in intensity in his hands.

Dan marvels at the sight before him.

True to the name, the dark and fiery visage of Fright Knight stood over Dan. If only because the sword was getting heavier the longer Dan held it. The two green voids that were Fright’s eyes glared down at him.

“The sword, give it to me.” Fright beckoned with a hand.

Dan shot a fanged grin at his newest, potential adversary.

“You want it so bad? Come and get it!”

They’d fight, play a game of cat and mouse. They barely noticed they were equal on the power scale. Hardly distracted by the commotion they stirred up around themselves, too focused on each other.

Even though Dan isn’t all that experienced with swords, he does notice that Fright Knight went out of his way to avoid touching the blade itself. Twisting, parrying, maneuvering. Yet so persistent on getting it back.

Dan gets an idea. He was known for many things, if it had to be just one, it was that he was mischievous. Not just mischievous, a specific, malignant brand of mischief.

I headcanon that ghosts have ecto energy ‘flares’, or a ghostly ‘aura’. It’s mostly passive, but flares out with strong emotions. To display dominance for example, to show that they’re strong and not to be messed with.

Dan most definitely uses this to his advantage. He is a domineering ghost, depending on the context.

He flares his powerful aura at one point, invisible and heavyset to anyone in the closest vicinity to it. Loose objects clattered around him, a breeze blew through Dan’s cape. His eyes became a deeper, glowing red.

Fright Knight felt it. He stalled, amazed at the burst of energy. Lively and addicting, perhaps inviting. He very clearly underestimated this ghost, he had not relished in such an energy surge since Pariah Dark’s brief reawakening long ago.

Unfortunately, Fright stalled long enough for his opponent to get the upper hand on him. Fright is momentarily startled by a blade that impaled itself into the wall, right next to his head. He craned his head to meet the deep, eerie red eyes of his adversary.

“You felt that, didn’t you?” Dan asked him with a smug grin.

Fright remained silent, deep in thought.

Now that the situation was quiet for the moment, Dan decided to study the ghostly knight. He was still undecided whether to continue treating him as a foe, or branch out to him as a potential ally. Though unrelated, Dan did see that Fright Knight was a similar physique to him. The knight’s mysterious features hidden within a helmet. Dan was intrigued, and he wanted to know more.

“Not bad at all,” Dan said, gesturing at Fright. “Looks like you were holding back though.”

He slowly pulled the sword away, the wall crumbled with age and damage. Scarred and never forgetful.

“What would happen if I were to drive the sword through you?” Dan’s grin upturns into a malicious smile. “Want to test it out?”

Rather than verbally respond, Fright gestures one hand.

The sword violently shook in Dan’s grip. It glowed faintly before it ripped itself out of his hand and back to its rightful place. At Fright Knight’s side.

Dan didn’t react. Instead, he was more interested than he was before. Oh, he was a bit irked that he lost the sword so easily. But it could be forgiven, if Fright gave him a good enough reason.

“We needn’t joust,” Fright stated neutrally, his eyes warily fixated on the Phantom before him. “You’re powerful.”

“Oh, liked that little display, huh?” Dan cocked his head playfully. He wondered if there could be more gained out of this. “You’d better believe it, I make sure those who get in my way never forget it.”

“I only serve those who have shown their power and might.” Fright continued, pretending he didn’t notice the playful advances. “I strike fear into those who dare stand in my way.”

Fright paused.

“You too were holding back.”

“…I suppose I was.” Dan rolled his eyes.

“I propose a…partnership,” Fright Knight said slowly. “You have someone watch your back, make certain that your seat of power is not threatened.”

Dan leaned in closer, listening intently. “Go on…”

“And I rejuvenate myself with the energy you expel.” Fright Knight finished, he stood stiffly. His hand twitched on the hilt of his sword.

“Sounds like you want more than just a ‘partnership’.” Dan approached Fright, amusement shone in his eyes.

“I did not say that,” Fright said stoically.

They were face to face.

“Mm…we’ll see about that.” Dan stepped away, his gaze never left. “Though I think this will be quite entertaining.”

He held a hand out, a branch of sorts.

Fright stared for several seconds before he too reached out. His and Dan’s hands firmly clasped around each other’s forearms. Sealing a pact, so to speak.

“Your name. I do not know what to call you,” Fright stated, his grip tightened.

Dan was quiet for a moment before he bared his fangs, his ghostly aura flared ever so gently. “Phantom.”

I’ll probably write a more coherent version of their meeting later. But, the big question at hand. Why does Fright Knight only work with powerful ghosts? My guess is because of what type of ghost he is.

You notice that he has very minimal features? His body seems to be a pure black, the most he wears is his armor, the rest uncovered. Probably because he doesn’t need to cover up fully. Another ghost I can think of that does something similar is Spectra.

What if Fright Knight is the same type of ghost as Spectra? A “parasitic” type of spirit that leeches off the emotions, energy, or a mix of both, from others. 

Spectra leeches off the depression and negative emotions of human children.

Fright Knight leeches off the fear he strikes into others, and perhaps the immense power of ghosts that are equal in strength, or far stronger than he is. To give him a boost when he needs it. Or would it be to maintain a solid form?

Fright and Dan’s “partnership” probably started off just like that, a business-like deal that benefits them both. Fright strikes fear wherever he goes, Dan made sure those who opposed them stayed down. That’s all it was really.

Dan didn’t find it very fun.

He was far too interested in knowing who and what Fright Knight was to just keep it business-like.

Fright was too stoic for Dan’s liking. While Dan had absolutely no qualms about entertaining both guys and ladies, it seemed like he had his work cut out for him. Fright was an interesting kind of guy, not too many like him around. Dan wanted Fright to stick around.

Dan knew there had to be more of Fright from under the hood. He’d bring it out, one way or another. Fortunately, wherever he went, Fright was usually close behind.

As for Fright Knight, he actually didn’t know what to think of Phantom at first. Powerful and volatile. Temperamental and yet eerily calm. It seemed as though as piece was missing. Whatever that was, it wasn’t Fright’s business. He was perfectly content as is. If only he could ignore Dan’s more playful persona. It wasn’t constant, but enough so that Fright did take notice.

Fright felt he should be annoyed by such behavior. For reasons indiscernible to him, he allowed it. In small doses. He supposed it was amusing, and so long as it didn’t interrupt their little deal.

It’s like a game of cat and mouse, though subtler. They both had thoughts about each other. Neither came forward, or said them out loud. It was more satisfying that way in trying to figure each other out.

What was more notable was that they respected each other’s power. They rarely depended on each other past watching the other’s back. It was oddly an inkling sense of trust, no matter how surface level and frail it was.

They’d have short conversations on occasion, when it was quiet. They didn’t say too much to each other, but they’d let bits and pieces of information slip out. Intentional or not was left up to interpretation.

Fright Knight, as Dan learned, was completely and utterly ruthless. Literally none could escape the terror that was the Soul Shredder. As for what happened to people and ghosts when the sword touched them, Dan could only imagine. A well-earned reputation as the feared ghost of Halloween.

And…Fright was strangely courtly. Of course, he would be, he’s the ghostly equivalent of a medieval knight. Cordial in a gruff manner. Fright was a warrior first and foremost.

It reminded Dan of himself a little, he was certain he had a chance. He just had to nudge it somehow. Fright clearly did notice how Dan would occasionally act playful, despite pretending not to. What if he pushed at Fright a little? Get him to react?

The reactions could be case by case. Dan was sure it would be worth it to see such a strong and stoic guy get his “feathers” ruffled. Dan could already imagine it; Fright Knight’s eyes were rather expressive.

Fright would most definitely be aware of Dan’s…affections? He refused to entertain the idea of flirting…courting with someone outside of his station. It wasn’t seemly for him. Admittedly, he was amused by it, but didn’t reciprocate them.

It did seem like Phantom was lonely. Fright understood that in a way. He was somewhat taken with Phantom’s advances, no matter how much or little attention he paid. Fright would remain at the forefront, no matter how much the thought of a powerful partner at his side niggled at the back of his mind.

He didn’t mind having Dan close by, that’s all there was to it. Surely…

[drabk-the-sharak-of-okbra]

i finally established enough of the story to write a synopsis, so:

My Planiverse x Gravity Falls crossover, All Seeing All Knowing Eyes (under the cut):

Yendred leaves on his journey to discover knowledge of the Beyond, having been in contact with the humans from the 'space beyond space' for a few days now. It is then that he is contacted by Bill. One of the ways Bill can enter into a person's Mindscape is if they continuously and deeply think about a higher being (like calling one for help, or philosophical thought on the existence of one.) This is how Yendred became of such interest to Bill-- his constant thoughts about 'space beyond space' and higher dimensions were basically a beacon of opportunity for Bill to take advantage of. Bill intends to use the Planiverse as a stepping stone to gain access to the 3rd dimension. Yendred is nothing but an expendable (and naive) pawn.

Bill promises him to provide him with infinite knowledge and experience about everything he's ever wanted to know. Bill uses his powers to prove that he's just as powerful as he claims to be, phasing in and out of his dimension, and tells Yendred all he must do in return in a little favor: building a portal to the 3D world so that Yendred may physically experience the higher dimensionality that could never be understood in just words. He accepts.

Bill starts out kind and reassuring, making sure his favorite puppet's morale is kept up. Because storing large amounts of information is almost impossible in their 2D world, apart from highly experimental and difficult to get computers, and complex structures are difficult to build, especially in secret, it takes much longer than Bill would like. It's also taking a toll on Yendred: he must continue his journey, and it's going to be impossible to hide his activities from the humans.

Bill has been unaware that Yendred has had contact with humans this entire time. When he finds out, he's furious that, one, they're going to impede his plans, and two, he's been sharing his precious pawn with some grubby meatsacks. He finds a way to infiltrate the computer that they're using to contact Yendred in order to shut it down and isolate them from Yendred. When he does so, one human in particular is extremely worried for Yendred: Alice.

She logs on day after day, attempting to contact Yendred even after their connection has been severed. In his pettiness, Bill starts to mess with this human who is trying her best to ruin his plan. He contacts her through ominous messages and symbols that do nothing but throw her for loops. He sabatoges all of her attempts to record any of their conversations, knowing that she can't tell anyone because she would be considered insane. She's slowly becomes more and more paranoid throughout her daily life, trying to find any trace of Bill's existence in the human world.

Meanwhile, Yendred is becoming uneasy about the plan. Though Bill tells him contact with the humans had to be cut off because they would have held him back from reaching three dimensions because of their sentimentality, he misses them every day, especially Alice, and his mental health is deteriorating. When he has spent many isolated years researching for and building the portal, he has a nightmare. The entire world has caught on fire, and he and Bill are floating above it all. Bill watches with a grin, and tells him how great of a team they made. It's the final breaking point for Yendred.

When he wakes, he tells Bill that he won't complete the portal if he won't let him speak to the humans. Bill is done treating him kindly-- he knows Yendred relies on him now too much to fight back in any way-- and flies into a rage. Yendred's world is a 2D plane which exists in a 3D void; Bill pulls him into it, showing him that it is completely empty and barren of all life. Yendred will never be able to see a true 3D world without the construction of the portal, which is only possible with Bill's instructions. This is all that awaits him if he shuns Bill. Yendred is terrified, and finishes the portal out of fear of both punishment from Bill and the prospect of that 'nothingness beyond nothingness.'

In these months, Alice has dug deep enough to find traces of Bill's interactions with the human world, obscure symbols and myths that all relate to him. She finds another person who believes in Bill's existence, a deeply passionate magician who wants to help Alice rid Yendred's world of Bill. They preform a 'binding spell' on a USB stick, telling her to use it the next time she tries to speak with Bill. She plans to transfer Bill into the USB stick, believing that part of him is tied to the computer because of his interactions with her on it. She is at her last resort of logic.

When Alice turns on the computer to contact Yendred, Bill allows her to, so that she can watch what Yendred's efforts have done. The portal has been turned on, and the entrance of the henchmaniacs has brought along with it fire. It spreads quickly in his dimension, burning and slowly killing him as he can't escape from the room. Alice puts the USB stick in the computer: Bill's guard is down, and the force of the spell binds him to the 2D world, preventing him from escaping from it. He is transferred into the USB stick. Yendred is as well.

Fire is deadly in Yendred's world, and such a steady supply of destruction quickly burns his dimension to the ground, leaving nothing but a wasteland that is falling apart at the seams and will eventually rot away. Alice doesn't watch to see the end of it. She can't bring herself to destroy the USB stick knowing Yendred is in there too. Instead, she opts to hide it somewhere. There is an obscure town in Oregon called Gravity Falls, one that nobody would know of unless they readily looked for it, and it has a cave that has a reputation for being haunted and nobody coming out alive. She buries the USB stick far underneath the ground in front of the cave, hoping that nobody will find it.

Yendred is stuck in his own mindscape, and the USB stick becomes its own little pocket dimension. Bill is stuck in a separate part from him, and has become static; the small spark of conciousness left in him isn't enough to bring him back to any sort of awareness, and he can only be awakened by somebody activating the USB stick and transfering him out. It will be a while before Ford Pines finds him.

[0lk0s]

sometimes i wonder what would happen if nesta didn't take from cauldron and just let it give her powers and now I also started pondering on what it would mean regarding the end of hofas

HOFAS SPOILERS later

like i highly doubt she would end up just a regular high fae. cauldron LOVES elain and gave her cunty powers, so i think it's sentience would recognize the love nesta has for elain and how she innately acts as her protector so she would still receive crazy powers.

but i believe her taking its power was essential for her to become future high lady of dusk court. cauldron is tied with the world of prythian itself so by taking from it she literally gained power from the world/land. what other faes are connected to the land of their courts? high motheyucking lords.

that's not all though. high lords possess significant more magic than other high faes, they can literally go insane if they don't use certain amount daily. so even if just getting starsword from bryce was all that was needed for her to become high lady of dusk, i don't think her body would be able to withstand it. but luckily cauldrons magic had already made indentation, now that majority of it is gone, theres hole ready to be filled with the magic of the dusk court land.

i think in the next acotar book we will see her slowly coming to the realization she's slowly becoming a high lady. it will probably start with her either killing all the beings in prison or recruiting them. after that she will probably notice that prison responds to her the same way as it did for bryce and she'll change it back to it's original glory as a palace. she might get a new power but I highly doubt that(death is probably the power of dusk court, since dawn has the healing). then what happened in avallen or whatever it's called happens to dusk court territory and all of her power manifests. and boom we have high lady of dusk court in her full glory.

[hotdogdynamitezzz]

Tough Placements that Indicate a Hard Life | 1

Disclaimer: having these placements does not automatically make your life hard, these are common placement patterns dedicated to each SPECIFIC area of life. The Financial and Identity sections are now available in PART 2!

MASTERLIST

These are split into two sections! In part two there will be more sections :) Enjoy.

1. Home life and Emotions.

2. Enemies.

Family Life & Emotionality:

Sun in 8th House: Usually these people have a strained relationship with their dad or the father figure in the family. Often times the dad is powerful and has gained mounts of success and respect, however, the dad usually has moments where he loses himself, can’t remain reliable, is mean towards the family, and is an indicator of a dad who wastes the families income yet they are seen as a hero or alpha by other males due to the sun’s glorious or even famous disposition. However, the 8th house hides the dad’s problems through a heroic image and gives the child trust issues because their dad is nothing like people claim to know. It’s also an indicator of health problems and the death of the father early on in the child's life.

Moon in the 6th House: This one I ignored before until I dug deeper. The effects of the moon here can grant a turbulent daily life full of emotional ups and downs, yet they are trained to hide it just as well as 8th house moons because their mother figures were insanely critical of them and didn’t accept any sign of emotions or expression. I feel bad for those who are neurodivergent and have this placement because the maternal figure probably expected perfection and conformity in how the child acts and thinks. Or else, I've seen these moms act like they don’t even know their kids unless they achieved an outstanding goal. Basically, a lot of internalized pain with this placement, and often you encounter emotionally unstable people in public or have faced a painful animal death in your family. Watch out for health problems and depression as Mercury rules over Virgo/6th house, and the moon combined with mercurial energy tends to suffer a lot with their mental health. 

Moon in Scorpio: A classic hard family life placement. I’ve never met a Scorpio moon who didn’t suffer from family problems, specifically the mother figure. Their mother tried to gaslight, compete, or even withhold these moon signs from their friends or hobbies simply because the mother never viewed these things of worth or would become suspicious of new people. Blackmail is common, and so are some financial issues within the family. You’re probably the detective in your family and have a natural talent to locate hidden items. These people just want to feel accepted by their mom or family no matter how much they rebel or fight it. They crave true family love and stability.

Moon opposite/conjunct Neptune: I’ve met some people and I hate to say this...but delusional rings a bell. They want to believe they are loved by others and that people have the best intentions for them because that answer was often unclear in their home life. So as a result of an incredible amount of manipulation from the family, this person really does think toxic love could be healthy, or that whatever someone labels them as they internalize it and see themselves as a reflection of what others want. There could’ve been an issue of substance abuse within the family, or just indulgence in anything. Toxic religious views or purity culture may have been forced onto you as Neptune is associated with the higher realm and religion. They do love to connect with others but usually miss the red flags. Don’t get caught up in gossip or labels because you have a tendency to agree with most irrational reasonings as moon - neptune people can empathize with all sides of a situation. Please take time to accept yourself first before seeking it out in groups.

Moon conjunct/square Pluto: Power struggles in the family are very common with this aspect, I’ve also met some people who are very explosive. I’d say they have such intense emotions overwhelming them to the point where they actually can’t even hide them. They also similar to a Scorpio moon spend a great deal of their time trying to be accepted by the mom or family but end up feeling resentment and jealousy. The difference is I repeatedly see the same pattern with this aspect and not even having a physical or emotional home. It’s destroyed literally or figuratively, they crave an actual home the most and are prone to always moving and never having a stable home life. They are paranoid about any intruder or loss in the home, and their birth was very intense that may have almost resulted in the mother dying too. To end this, I know most people think this aspect hides their emotions but I’ve seen the opposite with the conjunction and square as if they just explode and go ice cold periodically. 

Pluto in the 2nd/4th House: Pluto in the 2nd accounts for broken confidence and never feeling good enough, a fear of failure and loss overcomes them and usually they were withheld physical possessions they found important for their mental health as a child like a teddy bear to sleep. People try to target their valuables and money, often being the center of scandals because they want to ruin this individual’s worth on every level. Jealousy runs high as it’s associated with venus and gifted resources. Pluto in 4th could honestly manifest as literal homelessness or an extremely powerful yet deceitful family. It reminds me of the royal family where they have this image of being perfect and elegant but on the inside, there’s tremendous amounts of backstabbing, lies, and very strict training or parenting. Usually, it’s always held together or torn apart by money and public affairs too interestingly.

Saturn in the 4th House: Strict parents, a very pushy family who always tried to control what you do and never let you have much freedom to figure out what YOU really want to do with your life. Parents are overprotective and hover over the child nonstop. You’re sheltered but also harshly taught and expected to perform without fail. You really do crave that emotional freedom to just laugh, be stupid, and have fun in your childhood. But, that was usually restricted as Saturn is cold and restrictive in nature. There could’ve been the death of the dad within the family or a very karmic lesson centered around the dad they must learn for the family’s benefit. 

Lilith in 4th House: It’s giving evil stepmom vibes I’m sorry. The mother could’ve sought to make your family hate you and spread lies, or even separate you from the family entirely. There’s a big theme of jealousy, resentment, and rumours with this. Expect to be the center of family gossip and feel betrayed by mother figures. Good luck bbys...

Lilith in the 8th House: Similar to the 4th house alternatively, but also entirely different. Basically, Lilith here brings some sort of dark feminine trauma into your life. I’ve known people whose moms always humiliated them, were too open or restrictive about intimacy and sex, or even shamed the child for their family members’ death. it’s just so much dark energy present in the individual’s life that made them want to hide and feel ashamed of themselves when everything is out of their control and they’re usually innocent. It’s powerful but way too much to handle for the individual.

Enemies:

Pluto in the 6th House: This is extremely difficult as your health might fail you sometimes. You are prone to getting sick more than the rest and your daily life is filled with unfortunate events or random enemies popping up when you’re just minding your business sheesh. Sometimes you don’t trust healthcare or have negative experiences with hospitals because they could’ve messed up before. Sticking to a daily routine is hard because you are forced to constantly restructure yourself and your life as nothing can really manage or predict the things you go through. I have Pluto transiting my 6th house right now and lemme tell you it’s a bitch. Lowkey you witness random shady events that occur in public too, I call this the undercover cop placement.

Pluto in the 10th House: It holds a lot of power but you always face people trying to tear you down out of spite because of your success. This is a very influential placement that exposes you to the public and your reputation is polarizing due to rumours spread and power dynamics in your relationship with your public image and career. Usually, these rumours are wrong too, and people purposely target you because they see your influence and innovative ways as a threat. You want to hide from the public but you just can’t. You have a wide audience of people watching you and sometimes it feels like you never get a break. At the end of the day, no matter how much you’re torn down I always see this placement make it big with whatever they choose to do.

Uranus in the 8th House: Spiritual hauntings or predictive dreams are common here. You could have spirits in your home that are loud and like to cause a ruckus just to scare you. There’s also a sensitivity to energies and people can sense this. People seek to expose your secrets online or you randomly find yourself going viral for something horribly embarrassing lol. Either way, this placement gets their secrets, identity, and income leaked online at some point due to enemies that randomly dislike you out of the blue. Honestly, you may not feel safe talking to people about anything because you always feel judged and critiqued for your own inquisitive thoughts or creative ideas. People don’t want to see you sparkle and stand out so they try to make you seem weird.  

Neptune in the 10th House: People don’t really know who you are, they project their insecurities onto you and make it seem like you’re an awful or godsent person. Often time and time again your words are taken heavily out of context and twisted into phrases that don’t reflect who you are. It can feel impossible to connect with people or simply just speak up about anything due to this twisted nature that is present in your workspace dynamic. I see superiors trying to take advantage of your work and claiming it as their own so be careful and self-preserve your creations a bit. You don’t have to constantly help people to the point of your downfall.

Saturn in the 1st House: Lessons are taught in self-expression and structuring your identity. Through these lessons, people can treat you harsher than usual and look down on you. There’s often either an intimidated or condescending tone in people’s voices when they interact with you. Usually, these people are quite lonely for some time as others don’t readily accept them and view them as mean when they’re very nice people. Because the 1st house deals with how we perceive the world, you experience it through a lonely and hurt lens. It’s important to know once you prove your enemies wrong you cannot look down on others as Saturn brings karma here.

8th House ruler in the 6th House: the amount of crazy shit that goes on is undeniable. It’s a bit like Pluto in the 6th house except all the aspects of your 8th house are placed into your daily life. You could very well encounter dangerous people, face weird circumstances, or even work in the occult somehow. Look at the sign in your 8th house and that often encompasses your experiences.

Chiron/Pluto in the 11th House: friends and the internet become your wounded healer. You probably felt like the third wheel in a lot of friendships and most of them talked behind your back. I can definitely see this placement wanting to isolate themselves but hurting from the loneliness. Your ideas were never taken seriously no matter the work and originality you put in but once someone else does it, suddenly it’s accepted and normalized.

Lilith in the 7th House: Whenever you crush on someone or commit to a romantic relationship there’s ALWAYS a third party that is jealous of you and wants to destroy your relationship. Or, the person you’re involved with hides secrets from you and tears down your confidence. Usually, feminine individuals are your enemies as Lilith is in a venus-ruled house. Rumours are frequent here too as this is the house of rumours and open enemies. Lilith rules over what you are and not what you are seen as unless it is aspecting the ascendant, so this combination creates a persona of underlying mischief or intentions other people see in you as a threat even if you’re just a baddie going through their day.

[lesbianakaashi]

The Forgotten Shounen: Katekyo Hitman Reborn

This is not a “Why you should watch/read khr” or anything like that. This is just me going into the deep dive and throwing my findings at you. I’m making this because khr used to be my favourite series when I was 15 (I had plushees, posters, tradingcards, the art book etc) and now as an adult I constantly find myself baffled at how unknow it seems to be.

1. Okay first what is khr?

Katekyo Hitman Reborn! or just Reborn! is a series by Akira Amano which was published in Weekly Shounen Jump from 2004 to 2012 (with 42 volumes) and got an anime adaption which run from 2006 to 2010 on Tv Tokyo (with 202 episodes and one OVA).

2. What’s it about?

Khr is a parody of the italian mafia and plays in a world where the mafia is heavily influencial. The protagonist is the japanese middle schooler Sawada Tsunayoshi who is known as “No good Tsuna” because of his failing grades, general weak and cowardly personality and weak physics.

He becomes aware of the mafia world when a 2 year old baby called Reborn arrives at his house claiming to be the greatest hitman and declaring himself his home tutor. Reborn was send by the 9th head of the Vongola famiglia who is ready to retire and looking for a new heir. Which of course, is supposed to be Tsuna and now it's Reborns job to shape him into a worthy sucessor.

Tsuna rejects the violence of the mafia world and refuses the position as the 10th. Thanks to Reborn and his general craziness Tsuna meets different people and starts to make real friendships. Reborn wants 6 of those friends to be Tsuna's future guardians, basically a group of people which will be closest to him in the vongola famiglia. Tsuna might have no interest in those positions but the friendships he builds with them become really precious to him.

Reborns arrivial also brings in the enemies of the Vongola family which leads to Tsuna being forced to engage in battles. Generally Tsuna openly avoids fights and prefers to run away but will put himself in danger for his friends' sake or because of something Reborn did.

Through out the series Tsuna matures and gains strenght but he never becomes a power fantasy. He's just a guy with many flaws who grows through the human connections he makes.

Personally I think the relationship between Reborn and Tsuna is one of the best student teacher reltaionships in all of manga only topped by Mob and Reigen from Mob Psycho 100. Especially the last arc really underlines their unique relationship to me.

Furthermore, khr offers a new and unique battle system: The flames. I'm not gonna go into to too much detail but the general idea is that one fights with their dying will flame which basically turns off your the savety switch so you can fight with everything you have. The flames are seperated into different categories such as: sky, storm, mist, rain, sun, lightning and cloud and have different attributes asigned to each one. Tsuna's use of the sky flame and his transformation when using it is still one of my favourite shounen transformations to this day.

3. What happened?

The series did really well and then not so well over the course of its serialisation. After the manga got an anime adaption it increased in populairty and video games, light novels, and other products such as CDs were created based on the series. Reborn is one of the best selling series of Weekly Shōnen Jump and has sold around 30 Million volumes overall. It was and still is very popular in Japan but rather unknown in the west.

According to the article "The Rise and Fall of Weekly Shonen Jump: A Look at the Circulation of Weekly Jump" khr was the 10th bestselling series in Weekly Shōnen Jump, with a total of 7 million copies sold in 2007.

This number increasing to 15 milion in 2008. Which placed khr into the 4th best selling series of 2008 in Japan.

Between 2008 and 2010 those sales declined but still kept strong with khr as the 6th top selling manga in 2009, 8th best selling in 2010 and then 24th best selling in 2012.

In November 2014, readers of the Da Vinci magazine voted khr number 17 on a list of Weekly Shōnen Jump's greatest manga series of all time.

After the anime came to an apprupt stop in 2010 for unknown reasons the manga sells took a visible hit. (Apparently the studio wanted to put the anime on halt because they were busy with other projects and give Akira Amano time to develop her story but I couldn't find any source for this claim) Furthermore, the rushed last chapters of the manga in 2012 declined the popularity of the series even more. There's no offical statement as to why the manga was ended in such a way but it's reasonable to assume that Jump either cut it considering the decreasing sales or Akira Amano choose to end it for personal reasons.

Nontheless, Tsuna not being included in Jump Force (a fighting game where you can play as different characters from Jump) in 2019 even tho he made it in earlier Jump Stars games also underlines the decreased interest in the series.

Rumors on a reboot or anime adaption of the last two arcs surface from time to time but are genereally unlikely. Artland the studio which made khr has gone bankrupt around 2015-2016. It might be taken on by another studio but rather uncommen especially with such an old series.

4. Art style

The khr anime ended over 10 years ago and the old art style might not be appealing to newer audiences.

Especailly because the anime adaption follows Akira Amanos old art style which heavily developed within the years. Here a picture comparing characters in the new art style:

A modern anime adaption in the new art style would be aesthetically pleasing. It would probably look similiar to Psycho Pass since Akira Amano did the concept art for this series.

(My personal art student hot take is that both art styles are unique and fun. Up to this day Akira Amano still has my favourite art style and even if the amount folds in the characters clothing is a little extreme I love it dearly.)

5. Criticism

The show is not without flaws and even if I greatly enjoy it it wouldn't be right not to adress them.

Daily Life Arc:

A lot of people view the first 20 to 25 episodes as fillers and quickly lose intererst in the series. This is due to the fact that Akira Amano inteded the series to be a gag manga and focuses the first chapters on world building, character introduction and comical narratives. It's rumored that the decision to develop the story into a battle shounen was made because the sales weren't doing well enough at first. So the first chapters/episodes may seem titidious but are necessary for the story and the development of the characters. The tonal shift from a more gintama like gag manga to a darker battle focused story can also be offputting to some viewers.

Either way a lot of people blame this arc when discussing why khr never got an english dub or didn't end up on Toonami. I've also read that the manga never finished serializing in the north america. However, it finished in other western languages like german and spanish.

Censoring:

The anime censors A LOT. From Gokudera's smoking habit, Yamamoto's whole character arc which deals with heavy themes such as depression and suicidal thoughts. The general bloodiness of the manga was censored and sometimes whole chapters and characters were left out even if those were important to the devolopment of others.

Filler episodes:

Out of the 202 episodes the anime has around 29 filler episodes which makes roughly 14 %.

Sexism:

Even if Reborn was written by a woman most female characters are rather flat and their storylines often tied to a male character in one way or another.

Genereal things:

Khr, like many other long running series, is sometimes criticised for a lack of world building or unpopular narrative choices.

6. Hope?

Khr isn't exactly dead. As stated before the series is still very popular in Japan and still gets new merch pretty regulary. There are also petitions floating around for a reboot or a new anime season but those never get a lot of traction. Furthermore #Reborn2期アニメ化 (#Reborn2ndAnimation) used to get some traction on twitter not too long ago. Last year the Anime News Network did a poll on which anime the readers would like to see a rebooot of and khr placed second.

Either way here's a collection of recent khr things I could find.

- In 2018 a new bluray set was released in north america

- The khr stage play reached yet another new season

- A mobile game was released last year

- Currently ongoing anime cafe event called "Concerto di Vongola"

- Last month there was an event with the former VAs and stage play actors where they discussed their favourite khr episodes.

- There has been an increase in blind reacts to the openings on youtube which might bring in a new fan base. The biggest one I could find had around 90k views and was made in 2019. On this note check out the soundtrack. The first openeing Drawing Days by SPLAY still makes me go insane (but I'm biased of course)

There also renewed hope for a new season/reboot because Shaman King, Inuyasha and Bleach got anounced for new seasons after a long hiatus. It's important to keep in mind that the circumstances for those series are differnt tho. For example bleachs new anime is often tied to the immense success of the gatcha game.

7. Conclusion

Khr is a series which used to be a flagship for Weekly Shounen Jump and is deeply beloved by it's fans, especially in Japan. It influenced other shounen series like bnha. It would be nice to see it gaining a bigger fanbase in the west :)

[yayteaberry]

*SFW* Wildflowers (Bakugou)

He hadn’t shown it, but he was very angry with you. An inordinate amount, yet there wasn’t room to do much about it without looking insane.

Your quirk wasn’t something he didn’t notice, it was manipulative and sneaky. The quirk was certainly notable in that he’d never heard of it before that point, someone producing pheromones to influence the people around them accordingly was a powerful thing to have on your side.

But for someone who was trying to become a hero, you had a seriously sadistic sense of humor. He didn’t notice it at first but now it was becoming a problem.

Obviously, you were toying with him.

The reason? He couldn’t say, there wasn’t any discernible gain beyond embarrassing him. Maybe that was the end goal then - keep him from his top performance by distracting him. In the span of two months he’d gone from refusing to memorize any names, to knowing your schedule like the back of his hand, and that was a major problem. It was an unintentional side effect, he wanted to be sure of wherever you were so he could try to prepare himself for your fuckery.

He spent a lot of time trying to recall if he’d known you in the past, why you would torture him like this. Though he never dredged up anything meaningful, at no point before UA had you even attended the same school as him.

At first it was a light annoyance, something he could dismiss as initial nerves brought on by someone who could have power over him. 

But it was getting unmanageable, he was wasting his time thinking about your dumbass when he was supposed to be focusing on his studies or counting the number of pushups he was doing.

You can’t be worth all this stress and attention, he knows there has to be an outside source.  Why on earth would he feel this way otherwise?  Somehow you’ve managed to become his greatest annoyance but also the one person he never minds being around.

Somehow, pft, it was obvious that you’ve been using your quirk to keep him from being a threat, keep him away from being better than you by softening him up.

The worst part of it all was your own passiveness.  You acted like you didn’t even know him while doing this to him, rarely looking in his direction and never speaking to him unless spoken too.

He was losing control of his own thoughts, getting visibly upset whenever Kaminari said a single thing about you. For his own sake he just chalked that talk up to Kaminaris delusional teenage antics, as if you’d ever give that freak the time of day. Why did he care? Why should he care? He never felt anything in that degree when Kaminari picked anyone else, what makes you so radically different?

Things were getting messy for him, blurry and confusing, too many questions piling up that had only one answer. You were ruining his mind with your stupid quirk. It’s your own fault! You’ve infested his soul at this point, rewiring him to brainwash him into doing whatever you ask.

Today was the last straw, he can’t take this anymore!  Every day he just waits for you to ask him for whatever you’re building up too, knowing in his heart that you’re about to take advantage of what you’ve been planting within him.  He’ll be damned if you turn him into a cowering sidekick.

The moment he knew for sure you’d be in your dorm, he made a plan. 

Well, ‘plan’ being the surge of adrenaline that filled him at the prospect of tiptoeing around you for the rest of his time at UA, potentially even once he became a pro. 

He decided he’d confront you, make you stop, and everything would go back to normal. After this he could finally resume his climb to #1 without your claws pulling him down.

It’s that thought he repeats to himself like a mantra as he speed walks over and kicks the door of your room wide open.

You yelp and nearly jump off your bed, the combination of being scared like that and seeing the boy responsible nearly ejecting your soul out of your body.

“I’m sick and tired of your fuckin’ bullshit!” He stomps inside, kicking the door a second time to close it.

You stifle the urge to scream, scrambling away until your back hits the wall, hands up as you try to defuse the situation. “Wait, wait! Hey now w-whatever you think I did, I swear I didn’t, if you’ll let me-”

“Shut the fuck up! There’s no hypothetical here, you’re fucking with me for fun and if you don’t stop it right now I’m gonna kill you!”, he curls his lip up, sparks lighting up in his palms as he tries to force a confession out of you.

“... What?” You’re completely lost, letting your confusion show as your shoulders drop.

“Don’t you ‘what’ me! Keep playing ignorant and see where that gets you!”, he raises his voice up another notch, taking a step forward. “I’m not an idiot like the rest of those extras, I see what you’re doing! You really think someone as smart as me wouldn’t notice!?”

“I never said you were an idiot! But I swear to god I have no idea what you’re talking about!” You spout anxiously, pulling your knees into your chest, feeling fully cornered.

He just rolls his eyes, closing the gap between him and the edge of your bed. “Oh so now you act all pathetic when I call you out on it to try and get me to feel bad? It isn’t gonna work! I-!”

When he inhales he catches onto the smell in the air, eyebrows knitting together as he feels an instant calming effect from it. “... The fuck?”

“That’s my quirk, that’s what it smells like when I want someone to calm down,” you shakily explain, still holding your hands out like you’re going to have to push him away, sending out as much relaxation pheromones as physically possible.

His shoulders roll back and he stops making his standard ugly expression, face zeroed out in a way you’ve only seen once or twice when he gets invested in something enough to forget he’s around others.

It’s cute, but right now it's more of a sign he’s no longer about to throttle you. “Yeah this is familiar in a way, when we’re in training I think. Guess I never noticed it could be pretty. Usually I’m just pissed that you’re trying to beat me.” For once he’s using an inside voice, which feels oddly personal since you’ve only heard him screaming. It almost seems like whispering in comparison. “So you can choose to make it scented? Masking it so people don’t see it coming is smart. But it’s not so smart now since I know what you’re doing.”

“Mask it? I kinda can’t, the point is that people breathe it in, if they can’t smell it then it doesn’t really work. I really do mean it when I say I have no clue what you think I’m ‘up to’.” You begin to ease off the output, not wanting to knock him out, which you’ve accidentally done before.

“No you have to be, it doesn't make any sense otherwise. You’re doing something or I wouldn’t be feeling this way. Don’t bother lying to me, I’ve already caught you.” He’s still passive but he crosses his arms over his chest, tilting his head. 

You give an exasperated huff, “Feeling what way!”

“It’s so fuckin out there that I’m surprised you don’t use this tactic more in training. It’s totally obvious that you’re doing something to make it so I’m the only one who can smell your stink. You’re manipulating me, otherwise there’s no way in hell I’d be so dopey around you. Why the fuck else would I notice whenever you’re gone? Feel compelled to return your pens that you always drop since you’re such a klutz?”, he speaks as if it’s common fact, rolling his eyes as he continues, “You rope me in daily with these little details that you heighten by using your quirk, and then it’s like you have no idea who I am. Since you’re so comfortable living in my head, you should’ve seen this coming.” 

That's much more than you expected him to say, a light pink dusting across the bridge of your nose at the confession he has unintentionally given you.

“I-I can’t remember a single time you’ve done that,” is all you can think to say.

He clicks his tongue against his teeth, lolling his head from side to side as he formulates a response. “It’s just like when return all the shit you drop but you pretend to not notice, and you’re doing the same thing right now. It was confusing at first but now I’m just getting irritated that you keep playing dumb. Stop working your dumb stinky magic to turn me into your lackey, get someone else to do your dirty work if that’s what you’re looking for.”

“Bakugou I’ve never done that to you, I wouldn’t!”, you stammer for a half second, making a judgement call on how you should handle this, and deciding to come clean. “I actually… I really like you…. I-I respect your work ethic, how strong you are, confident as well, I wanted to gain your attention through the right ways!” You sit up on your knees and make eye contact with him, trying your best to convey how much you mean what you’re saying. “If I wanted you drooling on my shoes then you would be, but everyone around me would be doing the same, my quirk isn’t selective like that. But I wanted to get noticed by you more than I wanted to chance annoying you as a first impression… I really wanted to have a reason to approach someone like you first.”

“Well that’s a stupid way to go about it. I can’t afford to have these kinds of distractions so if anything you put a lot of effort into just, wasting my time.” He’s nearly hesitating on some words. But he pulls himself together, staring you down for a moment. “So I’m done with this. I’m not doing this anymore, I’m done playing games.”

You can’t understand the logic here.

He comes barging into your room, demanding you stop making him like you against his will, and when he finds out it’s organic plus you feel the same way, he somehow manages to reject you? It stings, a lot.

“Yes or no.”, he sternly interrupts your quickly spiraling thoughts.

“Yes or no..?” Flat out confused for the millionth time, you blink a few times, pulling back the tears that threatened to spill over at his initial rejection.

“I’m not asking again.”, he curtly spits out.

“But what are you asking yes or no for?” You squint at him, unsure and waiting for him to say something along the lines of ‘Yes to dying or no to living’.

“Are we dating or not! Yes or no goddamnit!” He’s blushing brighter than you at this point, eyes pointed to various places in your room where you aren’t, shifting in place uncomfortably.

Suddenly it dawns on you.

Even after hearing your returned confession he doesn’t think you’ll say yes.

“Yes, Bakugou, of course.”, you say with a warm smile, reaching forward to hold his hand. 

His sigh of relief as he relaxes his posture strikes you as intensely adorable, though your heart skips a beat when he shoots you a smirk. “That’s what I thought you’d say.” 

[burnedbyshoto]

aphrodite

“Aphrodite is just a stage name, but the persona is still you. You might be a total dork, but the person you think you present has always been apart of you.”

— Or, in which Pro Hero Shouto falls in love with a dominatrix cam girl, only to find out that she’s quite a weirdo in real life. — 

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pairing: todoroki shouto x fem!reader

warnings: 18+, smut, fluff, stalking fan, cursing, unexperienced shouto, camgirl!reader, dom!reader, marking, blowjobs, praise kink

word count: 8,834

a/n: honestly, I did love this fic but mind is BUZZING at the thought of finally getting to write my todoroki family gangbang because I have that shit fucking outlined and I never outline anYTHING!!! but this was fun!!! i did a lot of extensive research into camming to only realize that if I wrote it realistically I wouldn’t be able to write this the way I intended... so camgirl is sorta really inaccurate and im sorry ;-;

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Being a Pro Hero was one of the most rewarding things Todoroki Shouto had ever done. With his day consumed with being in an element where he saved and protected people, there was nothing he could ever hope to improve. Well, as long as you only considered things in a job aspect.

As a Pro Hero, his job was his life.

Day in and day out, he was working. 

From the first chime of his alarm at six in the morning until he was crashing on his bed at eleven at night, he wasn’t just anyone, he was Shouto, the Pro Hero.

But Heroes were overworked, with the recent downfall of the League of Villains and the aftershocks that came from defeating a group that changed the world, there was a lot to do. He was twenty years old, two years free from Yuuei, and was a Pro Hero, not a sidekick.

After graduating from school, most individuals had assumed that he was going to work with his father as a sidekick for a few number of years, but that wasn’t right. Bakugou and Midoriya had created an agency together, so with them, the creators, Shouto made up one of the many founding members of this new agency. An agency that was constructed of only graduates of Yuuei,  it was strong, promising, and already one that had him and his friends well within the publics’ favorite heroes.

As goes any new Hero Agency, they had to prove themselves, after all, their alma mater was not enough to carry them through everything. Experience was valued higher than name-value after all. So Shouto, along with the thirty members of the agency, worked hard every day to swallow the fear of the reemerging Japan, fulfilling every and all tedious and significant need.

But for all his hard work, Shouto had been neglecting his own needs.

Two years of hard work for a man without a sexual relationship translated to two years without any sort of lover — romantic and sexual.

At first, it was easy to ignore. He made do with sloppy jerk offs in the shower, the warm water soaking into his skin while he came in loads against his fingers, but eventually, it grew tiresome, lonesome, and tedious. 

That is until something happened one day.

A single link had been sent his way by Kaminari, the blond man unknowingly sending this to Shouto and not the intended Sero. Shouto had just gotten home, his tired eyes looking at the highlighted hyperlink on his phone. Sighing, he had thrown it up on his laptop, wanting to figure out just what he was sending him of all people, he hoped maybe it was an article on his major rescue today. Kaminari was much better at tracking those articles than he was.

But what he got was not an article on his heroic deed today. No, there was no cold day in hell that this was a news article.

His eyes widened, the texts furiously coming in on his phone, apologizing for the mistake, but Shouto wasn’t paying attention. No, he was transfixed on the video before him and fire, unlike any heat he had ever known burned through his veins. Simmering heat rolling from his skin while he watched on, and just like that, Shouto found a way to feel anew.

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“Thanks for all your hard work!” Midoriya yelled after Shouto, who was three strides out the door once they traded places. 

It was Tuesday night, one of three nights that Shouto ever really looked forward to. For the past year, he had always made sure that he was never scheduled on these nights, and well, no one had objected, so he was still taking them. The travel back home was a five-minute commute via train, but always, as Shouto sat there, he felt as if the train was barely inching along.

But as soon as the train docked, there was no time to waste. Shouto was out of the crowded train and practically racing to his house. 

The door was slammed and locked behind him, and while practically stripping in his hallway — he didn’t need to care about a trail of clothes as he lived alone — he made it into his bedroom.

7:59, his clock read, and he cursed, moving even faster to set himself up.

Shouto couldn’t help but feel the burning embers of shame igniting in his chest, his heart rate soaring to the sky, when he clicked the join button. This was utterly shameful… twenty-one years old and he was in love… he was infatuated with someone he couldn’t have.

The screen darkened for the room he was looking into was dark, nothing but fuzzy pixels where you sat on the bed, legs crossed, and a sly grin on your face.

“Hi, love,” you coo. Shouto couldn’t make you out exactly right now, but on god, he already knows your lips were painted a deep red that always captivated him, your eyes insanely large with the thick and long strand of eyelashes you wore.

He wants to say good, he wants nothing more than to respond to your greeting, but he’s speechless. Besides, he knows you wouldn’t be able to hear him anyway.

“Now, now, don’t be shy,” you pout, standing up and nearing the camera, your strides were slow, smooth, terribly seductive and Shouto was taking you all in.

However, Shouto’s heart stops when your figure becomes more distinct. Red leather lingerie and toys strapped to the iconic utility belt you don. Even in the alluring lighting of your room, Shouto can see that your eyes are dark with amusement, glee, and lust. He groans lightly, the fabric of his boxer briefs tightening when you lean in close.

“I want to hear you cry my name…”

Shouto splutters at the whisper, feeling submerged into your show despite his brain telling him you didn’t know him. Regardless, his finger trails the trackpad and clicks the blue ‘donation’ button, the amount put at the full maximum the site would allow.

“Aw, thank you for the donation icy-hot,” you purr, your eyes fluttering on the camera, almost as if you were looking right at him. And Shouto delights at the sound of his username dripping like honey from your tongue. “I knew your slutty needy cock wouldn’t disappoint me. I wonder if you’re already touching yourself at the thought of me…” he watches your pretty red lips stretch from a pout into a Cheshire grin, and a pleasurable wave encases his body, his cock twitching against his restraint. “I hope you’re not, after all, I haven’t given you permission yet, have I?”

Shouto exhales shakily, the sultry confidence in your face, tone, and stature overwhelming him.

He watches your eyes fall to where he knows the chat is located on your screen, and the bell-like giggle swims in his mind while you amuse the many different viewers on this chat.

Aphrodite, that’s what you went by. 

The goddess of love, beauty, procreation, and pleasure.

With the way your eyes pierced the camera, legs spread open to reveal your cunt for your viewers, Shouto hissed in need for him to grab his cock, he knew better by now.

“Don’t you wish you were here so I could ride your small cocks instead of my fingers,” you sigh, and Shouto wets his lips, fingers that ached to give attention to his pulsing cock digging into his thighs. “If you want me to let you touch yourself,” you sigh, tossing your head back, your eyes glinted with power and coercion in this position. “Throw in a little donation for your goddess, whores~!”

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It pained Shouto to admit it, but he had a sincere and deep attraction for the girl behind Aphrodite. He didn’t need to check his bank account to know that outside of his daily things, the thing that he was freely spending money on was your shows. The more people donate, the more you would do, the more dominating, demeaning, and almost sadistic you would get. Most nights, like last night, Shouto would collapse on his bed. His cock a flush red from the aggressive fisting he had done, a desperate attempt to make himself pretend it was your tight and sopping cunt around his cock and not his heated hands. The room was always foggy, steam pouring from his skin because his control still went up to smoke whenever he watched you on the screen.

There was nothing more to say except that he would do everything in his power to make sure you were gaining enough money from these shows, and that his screen name would drip past your lips every show. Even if you would never do private shows, he would make sure you knew who he was.

But this wasn’t the time to think about you.

“Todoroki!” Bakugou yelled from a distance, and Shouto looked up to see Bakugou staring at him, his face set in annoyance. “Ponytail has a job for you.”

Shouto had just walked in through the door to the agency, but his lips pulled into a slight smile. His head nodding, “Okay.”

In the agency Momo, Iida, and Midoriya were the ones who were best suited at handing out missions and assignments. With Iida on temporary leave as he was on vacation with his family and Midoriya, who was on a week assignment with Bakugou, there was only Momo to hand intensive things out right now. 

Saying his good mornings to the people he passed, he eventually made it into the back room with the door closing behind him. He made eye contact immediately with Momo, who seemed to be jabbering with the client, but he knew her well enough to see that under the cheerful personality, there was something worried in her gaze.

“You wanted to see me?” Shouto asked the second he stepped in.

“Ah, yes, Todoroki-san!” Momo nodded her head, the smile on her face remaining keen on her face while she gestured to the person before her. “This is y/l/n y/n!”

Nodding, he looked down at the client and stiffened only slightly when you turned around.

Y/l/n… y/n… you were Aphrodite.

Shouto’s mouth went dry but also began salivating at an extremely high rate the second your lips pulled into a greeting smile. Was this real?

Would you be dominating in public? Your dominatrix bleeding into your personality outside of the screen? Would you rise to his eye level when you finally stood? He always imagined you would. Were you wearing something flirty, cute, or alluring underneath that jacket you had on your body? Your make up was done in the same matter as the shows, but the red lipstick he loved was substituted with a natural lip color, brightening the shimmer in your eyes. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” you greeted, and Shouto nodded dumbly, words failing him entirely at this moment.

Was that what he expected you to say as a greeting? Well, he guessed you saying something along the lines of ‘welcome you dirty fucking slut’ was a bit out of the picture considering they were in public and you didn’t know him. But still, a part of him craved to have heard that utter from your lips, because there would have been no stopping the way that he would have sank to his knees for you.

“Y/l/n-san is here with us because she’s been a victim of a past B&E’s,” Momo’s voice pierces through Shouto’s thoughts, and he breaks his stare on your — sweetly? — smiling face to look at his friend. “We also have reason to believe that such offenses are because she also has a stalker.”

“A stalker?” Shouto repeated Momo’s words.

“That is correct, and said stalker seems to be in possession of a strong quirk,” Momo nodded her head, her face still kind for you, but her eyes calculating and sharp. “I’m assigning you on her case for a few reasons, firstly because you are capable of handling the perpetrator, and two, you live a block from her apartment, so defending her will be accessible to you.”

Shouto’s stomach jumped at those words, all this time you had been a mere block away from him?! 

“Isn’t that a bit too much?” you laugh, rubbing the back of your neck. Shouto blinks, that was a move most people made when they weren’t confident… you were always confident. “I mean, yeah, I don’t want to be like… hurt by this man, but there’s no way he’d do anything bad, right?”

“Are you serious?” Shouto asked, his voice leaking with his evident discontent to your answer.

Momo, however, redirected your attention back to her by grabbing your hands in hers, “There’s a possibility that there’s nothing bad that he’ll do, but that’s not something we wish to risk.”

“I have pepper spray, a stun gun, and a strong uppercut; I think I can handle this,” you say, pulling your keys up, showcasing the arrange of weapons you carried casually around you. 

“The pepper spray looks like you haven’t used it in ages,” Shouto immediately pointed out. “You need to use it about once a month to ensure it works.”

“Wait, really?!”

Momo giggled, watching in the way that Shouto looked down at you with a raised eyebrow, and how you looked up at him with wide eyes. “I can understand that you believe that you’re confident in your ability to take care of yourself! We aren’t trying to imply that you couldn’t, but your cousin brought you here or a reason! It’s easier to let us do our job, to make sure that you don’t ever have to put into a trying situation.”

Your bottom lip juts out into a small pout, but ultimately you sighed, nodding. “Okay… how long would this take, do you think? It’s just that I can’t have Shouto by my side at every instance of the day.”

Momo’s eyebrows quirked into a questioning stare, and Shouto could feel his body temperature rising at those words.

“Oh? How come?”

You still, as if you hadn’t expected Momo to further question why you didn’t want to be watched at all hours of the day. Loudly you splutter, unable to come up with an excuse through your panicked and while Shouto watched and listened with crumbling hope that your dominatrix personality was something that you held in every aspect in life. Your cries that you were an up and coming YouTuber — which explained the stalker — and needed to film your muckbang videos in peace made Shouto realize that you were not some sexy, confident woman at every instance of the day. No, you were awkward, weird, and dorky, but it still did nothing to calm his hammering heart when you stood up at the end of the meeting, clad in something that had to be pulled from the Lisa Frank collection and you hurried out.

“If I analyzed all of her police reports correctly, the stalker should be back by next week, falling on either Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday night,” Momo informed Shouto, passing the case folder his way. “Take care of y/l/n-san, and be safe.”

Shouto nodded; that was something he didn’t need to be told twice, “Of course.”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

You were a camgirl.

For most of your life, you had been someone who was overlooked by most. Being quirkless in a world where having a quirk, even the most useless quirks, was needed to gain success in your peer’s eyes truly sucked. It hadn’t stopped you from being successful, of course, you had worked hard in every aspect of your life, but it kept you from attaining your dream job because having a quirk was essential for it — even though you didn’t need one.

So with a minimum wage job to cover the costs of living and your long journey to prove your worth to get your dream job, you were quick to realize that you needed more money.

And one day, after a long day at failing to find a second job, you were in bed, reading over fanfics to distract yourself from a failed day when a particular story caught your eye. 

A story about a camgirl, and then it hit you.

You could be a camgirl!

It took a month of planning, nights spent on creating a persona, a person for you to become when the camera went on. 

You would turn into Aphrodite.

With such a stage name, you knew that you had to become the goddess of love herself. Your personality was quirky and dorky in real life when you only had to be you, but Aphrodite was all leather, lacy, skimpy hotness. She was daunting, commanding, dominating. It was almost as if the second you turned on your Livestream, the goddess herself possessed your body, turning you into someone that you could only dream to be.

You performed three times a week, precisely at nine and end sometimes even at two in the morning. Within a matter of ten streams, you had exploded in viewers and donors. You had been making around five hundred thousand yen a month, that is until your most special viewer icy-hot had made his first appearance. 

Icy-hot was someone who seemed to have a deep interest in you, and even deeper pockets because he alone doubled the price of your average income from camming. You were obsessed with him.

There was also another reason why you were obsessed, and it might have a little bit to do with the tall man walking behind you, just far away to make you comfortable, but close enough to keep you from harm’s way. Oh yes, in a world of celebrity crushes, you were in love with Pro Hero Shouto. 

It was stupid really, but as a fifteen-year-old girl watching Yuuei students who were your age beating the shit out of each other left an imprint of his then fifteen-year-old abs in your brain and you were hooked. Your crush was always shallow, of course it was, you didn’t know him, but he still provided you with a sense of comfort. The fact that he had lived so close to you for so long sent embarrassing flames to your face, how would he ever react to knowing that you needed time away from him so that you could control people into fucking themselves online? Or about how your stalker was a possessive man who watched your streams?

You had been fine with just informing the police, but apparently, the man had been apprehended before and had his quirk registered. He was dangerous, and with you being quirkless and the cops being unable to use their own quirks, your cousin dragged you to the local hero agency, proclaimed you needed help, and left.

Little did you remember that this was the hero agency that a lot of recent Yuuei alumni were at, and of course, the one that Shouto worked at. Heroes latched at your side, worried for you while taking you to the back to talk to the Everything Hero: Creati. With the police files on her computer, the two of you discussed everything that was happening with ease and sharp detail, and then Ground Zero barged through the door, yelling about something Deku was doing.

Creati talked with him, both of them coming to some understanding and a simple line from her mouth, effectively ending your entire life.

“Will you call in Todoroki-san when he gets here?”

It wasn’t that you were dressed ugly or wrong, but you were definitely dressed up in bright colors because you were trying a Lisa Frank aesthetic before your cousin dragged you off. Tugging at the ends of your hair, you looked back at Shouto, who was silent, his eyes looking at you.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his buttery voice soothes down your spine, and you threw a large thump up in his direction with a nod.

“Never been better!” you lie. This was bad this was so very bad, you wanted to push him into an alleyway and run away, why must the world curse you into looking like you were related to booboo the fool on the day you finally crossed paths with Shouto. Not to mention should he find out about your career? Would he think you deserved everything coming your way?

“It’s okay to be not okay,” he spoke up, his head tilting to the side, trying to figure out where your thoughts are. “You know that, right? You’re going through a lot right now.”

You blow a raspberry, your ears burning when you look back in front of you, your head shaking. “I’m perfectly fine, I wasn’t even in immediate danger! Besides, I have you here now, don’t I?”

They were familiar words heroes heard every day, maybe not those words exactly but similar enough that they weren’t unusual. But still, to Shouto, those words curled warmly in his chest, vibrating deep within his sternum while he nodded.

“You do.”

“See!”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

To say the least, Shouto was genuinely shocked to figure out who you were as a person. 

The biggest thing he could put together about you, the most essential detail he saw was the fact that you were stupidly a dork. You had just about one hundred colorful mugs with weirdly dumb inspirational quotes on them. Whenever he showed up at your apartment in the morning — the nights you insisted he couldn’t sleep on your couch because of your recordings, which worked out because he would just go home and watch your stream with only the slightest guilty conscious.

You had a colorful arrange of sweaters and shirts, none of which were anything that he would have assumed initially you would wear, to begin with. Leggings and sweaters, joggers and tank tops, that seemed to be your style in the warming days of spring, and he was all for it.

With nothing more to do with this assignment, then stay close to you because the police where in charge of trying to find the man, the two of you grew close. Shouto often amused himself by asking you about the videos you were making for ‘YouTube,’ each time you came out with a poorly failed excuse of a lie for him, and every time you believed that he believed you.

It was a month into the assignment, and nothing had happened so far, nothing but late-night conversations and late-night cam sessions. Still, Shouto was a devoted watcher, and with each passing day, his ears no longer blushed scarlet at the sight of you the following mornings. 

The two of you were proper fans, and the crushes you had for each other still held true, only now reenforced with the appropriate images of each other.

“You have to go now!” you complain, trying to shove the much larger man out of your apartment’s front door. It was Thursday evening, and with only an hour until you were to stream — an accident on both of your parts because you had been distracted with watching an anime with him — you needed to get ready quickly. “Shouto, oh my god, I swear if you don’t leave, I’m going to pepper spray you!”

Shouto was pretending to be lost in thought, his body stable and unshifting while you attempted your hardest to get him to move. “I don’t remember you ever cleaning your pepper spray… it’ll end up hurting you more than me in the end anyway.”

“You don’t know that!” you grunt, your hands pressing against his spine, your feet slipping against the wood while you push with all your strength. “Even if it hits me, it’ll hit you too!”

“I’ve been pepper-sprayed before, apart of hero training, I can handle it, y/n,” Shouto points, and he finally takes a step forward, your body stumbling into his side where he graciously steadied you. There’s a silence between the two of you when he realizes just how he caught you, and you feel the temperature fluctuate around you when he pushes you to your feet, throwing on his shoes and leaving with a stiff wave.

“See you t-tomorrow!” he rushes out, leaving you with a burning face in your doorway. 

But as you closed the door, rushing yourself to get ready for tonight, you didn’t get to see the way that Shouto stopped at the staircase, his eyebrows scrunching when an uneasy feeling filled his gut. Could it be that the perp was finally going to make their move tonight?

In thirty minutes you had managed to get your makeup done, the sharp black eyeliner paired with large full eyelashes, your skin perfect from foundation and contour, and of course, the painted red lip. With only ten minutes to spare, you threw your camera set together, connecting it at eight minutes to spare. You sweat in nerves while you hastily threw on your lingerie. Black lacy panties that sculpted your ass, and a bra that left your breasts looking delectable. Then the leather garter belt hung around your waist, attaching to your thigh high stockings with a cute red bow. 

With the countdown on the screen, you flopped on the bed, cameras rolling as soon as your clock read 9:00.

“Hi, love,” you began as you usually do, confidence flooding your person while you sat up from your mattress, your hands smoothly gliding against the soft fabric of the comforter. 

Your show went as it normally did, harmless flirting with your viewers who craved more, thanking donator after donator, your smile growing into a smirk with each passing minute. You noticed that icy-hot was on, his avatar always pinned to your screen when he joined, but he was silent. Not a single donation.

Normally this would scare you, drilling ice-cold anxiety through your veins, but you weren’t you right now; you were Aphrodite. 

“Icy-hot,” you drawled, your voice husky and low, a subtle show to your dominance while you leaned forward, your cleavage only accentuating between your pressing arms. “What are you doing?”

But before you could continue on, before you could utter more phrases to get some sort of response from your favorite viewer, there was a rustle in your apartment. You froze immediately, was Shouto in your place? No, that couldn’t make sense.

Then in an almost slow-motion horror, you watched your bedroom door slam open, and a man you didn’t recognize appeared before you. His transfixed on you as if you were a true goddess, his muscles taut, lips perked into a lusting smirk.

“I finally found you, Aphrodite,” he whispered like a prayer, his feet taking several fast strides in your direction, and as the chat exploded in their confusion, your jaw dropped in an ear-splitting scream.

>> ‘Is this for real?’

>> ‘Is aphrodite finally fucking a man for us? I’m jealous it’s not me!’

>> ‘Holy shit, I think this is real?!’

The facade of Aphrodite was gone on you, no longer possessing you, but instead the meek and weird you. There was no stopping his conquering pace when his hand outstretched for you until he was frozen in place.

“Shouto?!” you squeak, looking to see your hero standing at the door, his cheeks flushed from most likely rushing over, his eyes deadly and severe. His eyes glanced you over, and embarrassment shrouded you when he eyed over your lingerie, but he said nothing of your state of appearance thankfully.

“Go into your bathroom, and don’t come out until I tell you it’s over,” Shouto commanded, and breathlessly you nodded, stumbling over into the bathroom as the perpetrator broke free from the ice. One lustful eye turning sinister and dark, and with an animalistic bellow, he charged Shouto when you closed the door.

You weren’t sure how long you lasted in the bathroom; the only thing you knew is that for ten seconds, it was loud with the clear sounds of battle before quieting. There had been no crash, nothing to tell you that the action had been taken elsewhere, only that you had heard the familiar sound of Shoutos singing ice and then silence. You pulled on your fluffy white bathrobe that hung by the door on your bathroom, your pacing unstoppable in your inability to calm down.

Was Shouto alright? They didn’t both die out there, right? No, Shouto was more durable than that, you reasoned, your hands aching with your nerves.

The pulsing beat of your heart sat heavy in your throat, your fingers trembling with shot nerves and fearful thoughts until a soft knock on your door alerted you that someone was there.

“H-Hello?” you stammer, unable to keep yourself from speaking.

“It’s me,” you hear Shouto’s voice tiredly stated, and without so much as wondering if it really was him, you threw open the door.

Shouto stood there, a bruise on his jaw, a visible injury he had sustained from this fight. 

There was no stopping you throwing yourself into his arms, your own arms throwing around his neck in your dopamine surge. He had saved you, he had finished this.

“Sorry that took so long,” Shouto murmured into your ear, his head burying into the crook of your neck, sending intensive static down your spine. “Bastard took us seven blocks away; apparently, he has a pretty shitty teleportation quirk.”

“That’s okay, I’m just glad you’re okay,” you sigh, not wanting to let go of him anytime soon. “Was it just the bruise?”

“Mhm,” Shouto informs you, his fingers running against the thick fluffiness of the robe. “Quirk side effect is that it makes you stupidly dizzy after using it, and that includes everyone he takes with him. So I nearly was throwing up when he landed one on me. The police will take you in for questioning tomorrow morning if that’s alright? I figured it was too late, and you went through too much to be questioned tonight.”

“That’s perfect,” you agree, not at all caring when the interview would be, just as long as he was with you. 

Shouto eventually pulled away, his hands remaining on your waist while his eyes looked at you warmly, “Okay, well let’s get you on your bed, I want to make sure you’re okay.”

You nodded dumbly, following after Shouto when he guided you back into the room that was liberated from his ice but had obviously been fought in on account of your fallen books. You sighed when you sat up on your bed watching Shouto stand in front of you, observing you in your fluffy white robe.

“Shouto?” you asked while Shouto observed your face in the better lighting of your room, his finger soothing tear streaks you had long ago cried while he made sure you were okay.

“Mm?”

“How did you get here so quickly?”

“I thought something was going to happen tonight. I had this feeling when I was leaving and decided to stay until it happened.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like I had screamed until after he was in my room,” you accuse, your eyes narrowing. 

Honestly, you had no idea how he knew… unless…

“I’m icy-hot,” Shouto states simply, but you couldn’t ignore the way that your body literally rejected this claim, how it sizzled to life because he knew what you did on these nights, and how you sparked at the thought of how he’d been supporting you for a year.

“You’re — ?”

“Yeah,” Shouto smiled, pulling away from you with a soft sigh, his arms folding across his chest. “A friend of mine accidentally sent me a link to your cam sessions when you first started, and I was hooked.”

“You’re telling me all this time, you knew?!”

Shouto nodded, unsure as to what you weren’t quite understanding.

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” your voice raised dangerously, your spine shot straight while your world both crashed and built around you.

“I didn’t think it was appropriate to tell my client that I watched her strip and fuck herself on my leisure time,” Shouto sighs, his eyebrow-raising in amusement.

“You’re a dick!” you exclaim, but your words were one of wonder, your eyes brightening in this new knowledge. “I can’t believe you, honestly!”

“Well then, I guess I can tell you a string of truths, and you can do nothing about it,” he challenges, his face nearing yours, dangerously close. His warm and mint breath fanning across your face. “I have feelings for you — deep and honest feelings for you, I think this piece you’re wearing under the rob is by far one of the best pieces you’ve ever worn, and I’m hard right now.”

“You know that Aphrodite is a facade,” you disclosed, your eyelids feeling like weights while you stared up at him, unmoving, unchallenging.

“I don’t think it is,” Shouto challenged his hands, tugging at the fabric that held your robe closed. “Aphrodite is just a stage name, but the persona is still you. You might be a total dork, but the person you think you present has always been apart of you.”

Your tongue is dry, but still, you wet your lips, confidence, and fear meeting in the middle of your chest in an all-out war to see which would win. It was to no one’s surprise that you wanted Shouto, but for it to be reciprocated was a bit beyond you, and finally, you inhaled a bit sharply through your nose, “If you want me to fuck you, you better ask properly. Like a good boy.”

His eyes glint in an unreserved way that sends fire through your spine and a heat flashing in your core. It had been a while since you’ve fucked anyone, and here was Shouto implying that you fuck him. He also seemed to want to be dommed, and if there was something you weren’t expecting from him, was that.

Shouto licks his lips, his hands moving from your waist and pressing onto the mattress so that he’s forcing you to lean backward, trapped in his hold. 

“I want you to fuck me,” he breathes, and in a similar exhilarating thrill of Aphrodite possessing you before a show, that electrifying courage courses through your veins and grabbing onto the thick fabric of his costume and bring him into a simmering kiss.

Your fingers wound in his hair, the intensive heat and passion exchanging between your lips were insane. It was mind-boggling as it was breathtaking. Your head tilted, and you pressed in more, feeling the weight of the bed dipping as Shouto climbed onto the bed with you. Shouto was bigger than you, in just about every way of the word, but still, with your stocking covered leg, you wound it around his waist and spun in your place.

Straddling his torso, you pressed incessant kisses to his mouth, his desperate return sending confidence to your head, a warm pulse in your body. 

“I wouldn’t have pegged you as a bottom,” you murmur against Shouto’s throat, your hands pressing flat against his chest, moving to unravel the restraints holding it together. You get the top of his jumpsuit undone, watching has his pale and toned chest slowly peeking through the growing opening. Your fingers move against the plains of his abs, nails moving against his hardened nipples while you sigh against his throat. “Such a good boy.”

Shouto heaves, his breathing uneven, unsteady, and unsure. For someone so confident thirty seconds earlier, he seemed to be crashing from that stream of confidence quickly, almost dangerously. Skirting around this knowledge, you removed your robe, discarding it onto the dirty floor with a content smirk. 

“I, um,” Shouto swallowed hard, his eyes fluttering at the sight of the lacy black undergarments and, for the first time, genuinely getting to appreciate them in real life. His fingers grab onto your waist, his hot as fire hands tracing your smooth skin, tracing against the hem of your panties until he got to the cleavage of your ass, stopping where your body met his. “I’ve never done this.”

“That’s alright,” you say, hands pushing the blue fabric of his costume off his shoulder, making quick work of it, and finally, your get to press your hands against his broad and naked shoulders. Your lips move unhurriedly against his neck, moving down until you reach his collarbone, taking a long swipe of your tongue against the protruding bone.

“Fuuck.”

The words that had meant to come from Shouto’s lips drifted towards the ceiling, no longer viable with the way that he folded against your touch. With your lips back against his chin, your right hand stretched behind you and pressed firmly against Shouto’s hard buldge palming against the clothed erection. His eyes close immediately, the touch of another on his growing cock was foreign to him, but it was igniting something within him while you continued your ministrations. A strangled moan vibrating at the back of his throat, his hips rising to buck and grind against your cupping hand, only hindered by your teasing retreats and bell-like giggles.

“So desperate already, baby?” you whisper against his ear, your mouth coming back to his, meeting his trembling lips into a passionate kiss. When you pull away, he makes a noise similar to an animal in heat but is quickly silenced by your teeth biting gently against his lower lip. “Let’s get you out of this uniform.”

Shouto helps you make little work of removing his costume, the dark navy blue material joining your robe on the floor, and you straddle him one again. Only this time, it’s your cunt rolling against his clothed cock. 

“Do you want me to suck you off?” you ask, your lips pressing painted marks against his chest. The red of your lips shining like rubies against his pale skin, but it does nothing but stirs you on. It wasn’t a mark like a bite, but it was an acknowledgment that as of now, for this very moment, he was yours. The red lip print proof of this bond. “Do you want my mouth around your pretty cock?”

Shouto shudders at your words, his hips involuntarily bucking at your ask, and he nods his head. His cheeks dusted red, and his heart hammering in his throat, “Y-Yes, please suck me off.”

“Aww,” you coo, your fingers hooking around the waistband of his underwear, your cunt grinding against him. “You said, please!”

The underwear joins the rest of Shouto’s outfit on the floor, and you stare at Shouto’s cock in its full glory. The long thick length bouncing against his stomach, precum dripping slowly from its tip. The knowledge that he was already leaking from your gentlest attempts of domination sent power through you once again, and you smirked leaning down so that you were level with his cock.

“Such a pretty cock,” you sigh, wrapping your hand against his length, your mouth watering at the fact that you couldn’t encompass it in your hand. “So beautiful… now, I want you to stare at me the entire time I’m doing this icy-hot. I’m putting on a private show for you, and I expect my favorite viewer to watch the entire time.”

There was no need to wait because Shouto was ready for your mouth, and with one final roll of his pink head with your fingers, you began.

You brought your mouth to Shouto’s cock and licked a clean line from balls to crown, the back of your tongue swirling around the head.

Shouto’s moan was nothing short of pornographic, and near animalistic in the way that it sent shivers down your back. Most definitely caught in the feel of things, Shouto arched his ass from the bed to thrust right into your waiting mouth. With the confidence of who you tried to be as Aphrodite, you decided to be the best at what you were doing for Shouto, hopeful this would be something he would ever forget. Adjusting to his lifted hips, you gripped and pumped the lower half of Shouto’s cock while slathering and sucking attention at what you could fit into your mouth – he was a lot bigger than the dildos you used for your show.

Your mouth was heated sin to Shouto, unafraid to choke a little, gagging ever so often to send incredulous vibrations through his sensitive sex. You were also a bit sloppy, saliva and drool leaking with his precum down his length, dribbling from the corner of your mouth while he pressed further into you. You then pulled from his length, oxygen burning your lungs to take each of Shouto’s balls into your mouth and delicately roll them with your tongue as your fist capriciously switched between fast and slow over his throbbing cock.

Mouth hanging wide and silent, Shouto stared intensely at your slowly blinking form. You nuzzled your nose against the trimmed fuzz at the base of his hot dick, your lips creating a wet pop noise against his balls. The soft touches of your nose against the vein on his cock ignited a broken and almost needy rasp against Shouto’s chest. And when a thumb, wet with your spit and his precum, trailed a line down the backside of his cock, Shouto’s heavy tongue caught up.

“That feels so good!” Shouto moaned, his voice gruff and near unrecognizable by its tenor. “More, y/n, please, more.”

And who were you if you didn’t comply? 

You groaned at the lewd position you were in, his intense duel eyes focused on every move you made while his cock twitches in front of you, your tongue flicking out of your mouth licking the bead of pre-cum on his tip making your cunt throb in anticipation. 

“Look at you, so needy, so innocent,” you giggle, using the hands that had been sensually traveling up and down his cock to angle it better for your await mouth. Brushing his head against your tongue, his pre-cum gathered on the slick surface, you delighted when his stomach contorted with his tightened breathing. You wouldn’t close your mouth to taste him, so saliva dribbling down your tongue against his length. Your hands rubbed it against his cock, using it as natural lubrication as you continue, “desperate for my mouth, aren’t you?”

Shouto tried to nod his head, which made you giggle, grinning down at him as you once more push his cock inside your heated cavern. Pulling it out slowly when you notice that his eyelids close for a little longer than a soft moan. 

“Keep your hands on me, icy-hot,” you coax, tangling his fingers onto your scalp. Keeping your left hand against the back of his thigh to land a slap against his skin to keep him focused. It was something that he found to be shocking, but the hair tugging that followed the surprising hit sent a proper shiver down your spine. You pushed his cock forward again, pushing inside you deeper this time, so his length hit further than the back of your throat. 

The motion once more sending Shouto to some other dimension as he hissed your name. The tightness of your throat, the muscle contracting against his thick cock, and the cold drool the dribbled from your lips sent his mind spinning. He only wanted more, and he craved more. With ragged breathing and the sight of his contracting stomach, his hips began to thrust into your mouth, pressing his cock further into your throat. Each desperate thrust had him hitting the back of your throat, drool slipping out of your mouth as you tried to breathe through your nose, groaning against his length, sending vibrations along Shouto’s cock. 

Your eyes began to water at the slightly suffocating sensation. Still, you were excellent despite the tears slipped down your cheeks, his hips thrusting into you roughly, the sign of an inexperienced man. Moving your hands to his upper thighs, you tried to slow his forceful thrusts, trying to allocate for time to adjust to his size in your throat. Instead, Shouto’s thrusting hips only stammered more, the sinful noises in your throat, sending only better feeling through his body. His eyes can read your eyes that told him this was okay.

“Fuck, you’re so good,” Shouto babbles, his hands clutching your hair, fingers digging into your scalp using it as leverage to move you against his length. “I never thought, shit, I never thought it would feel like this, yes, yes do that!”

Your moans vibrated around his length as you let the larger man manipulate your wet cavern. Your tongue now rolling along his length, tracing the sensitive protruding veins on his cock, and with the speed in which he was thrusting into your mouth, it only heightened the desperate noises pouring from his mouth. So much so that he almost stopped shifting his powerful hips all together.

You felt Shouto’s thrusts stagger as he came closer to his release, his hips speeding up, your head bobbing with his final desperation as he gave a final hard push into your mouth. His tip hitting the far back in your throat, and he came inside you with a snarl. His hands held your head down on his length as you grunted, trying to take in all fast release in one swallow, but some spilled out of your mouth. His hot sticky seed dribbling down your chin. 

When you moved pulled to remove his length from your mouth, you immediately closed your mouth, tongue lapping at the cum that escaped your lips. 

Crawling back up to Shouto’s face, you gave a tight-lipped smile when his clammy hands rested against your waist, and with fluttering eyes, you connected your lips again. The minority of his cum still sits in your mouth and is pushed into his mouth with your tongue.

You sat up, your lips still connected to his with a string of entangled saliva and cum, his hands coming around to cup your ass, and with the sexiness, only one could achieve through countless times of stripping, you were finally free from your own lingerie.

“What’re you—”

A gust of air ricocheted from Shout’s lungs as his back slammed into the mattress once again, your hands planted against his shoulders, your head cocked to the side with a mischievous smirk. Shouto doesn’t know how to react, for someone who couldn’t shove him out of the doorway was suddenly handling him just fine in bed. But the thought of that stirred his cock back to life, something you noticed the second it rested against your ass. Shouto groaned in embarrassment, but it didn’t matter to you, who arched down to nuzzle his nose. Then you were licking searing stripes along his neck, teeth nibbling and pulling at his ear, digging at the joint of throat and shoulder, Shouto’s tilted chin and swollen wet lips.

Knees dug into the sides of Shouto’s chest, your nails cutting crescents into the slick shining mountains of his shoulders, Shouto hands grasped onto your naked form for dear life, coercing the storm of your shared desire. The impatient and growing unignorable weight of Shouto’s cock slotted between your slick and sopping cunt. Sloppy wet with your untouched arousal, a ticking timebomb of pleasure each time you thrust back against his rehardened cock.

“Y/n, please—” Shouto choked on his words, a lusting cry when he cracked his head back against the soft mattress at the moment you carted his hot cock against your dripping, aching cunt with one firm and delicate palm and your other pressing your weight against his chest. “Oh shit, yes, fuck – yes, more. Please, put it in, y/n. I want, shit, I want you to fuck me properly, y/n—”

“So fuckin’ needy,” your breathlessly giddy reply came, your words soaked the ear and filled Shouto’s head completely. Tightening his grip on your waist to accommodate a stronger hold on you in a desperate thought to sane himself, you began a more frantic rhythm of work-roughened humping. “Is this how you responded back to me when I stream? Do you listen to my instructions the entire time, Shou-to?”

The squelch and wet noises of your hips dragging staccato against Shouto’s throbbing skin was maddening, dumbing him down to strangled huffs and squeaks against your swollen lips. The pulse against Shouto’s own lips raged, a frantic desire for him that both weakened and empowered him to the bone.

Shouto’s finger dug into your skin, leaving imprinted bruises where he touched, his hips slamming up into yours. Wanting more, craving more, and with nothing more to hold from him, you complied and with a wet noise, sunk all the way down against him.

“Shit, shit, wait,” Shouto hoarsely whispered, his nails ripping moons into your skin while he panted against your skin. “You’re too tight, Imma cum, fuck, wait…”

You laughed against his mouth, but you didn’t move, allowing him the time to adjust his brow slick with sweat, eyes closed in concentration. Regardless, your walls fluttered around him while you adjusted, and he shivered with every involuntary move. “You good?” you murmur against his mouth, tongue lapping at his pressed white lips.

He nods once, and you grin, taking that as means to push as far up as you could, and with your entire weight and clench of your muscles, sunk back down against him.

A savage snarl ripped from Shouto’s throat, more animal than man as he tore at your lips, his mouth open with a hot tongue and teeth that tugged at your lips. You had no choice but to open up, letting his tongue meet yours while you felt his cock throbbing against your clenching walls. You met him in full innocent need, your kisses were uncoordinated attack from all angles, his hand working their way to your ass, once again gripping and pulling that the soft and warm flesh.

Your hips rolled against his, lifting up and falling with growing forces, 

The small of Shouto’s waist burned raw from how it kept curling into the mattress, his shoulders singing with sharp pain from your fingernails. Your breaths puff against Shouto’s lips as if you had never taken a single deep breath in your life like you’d flung yourself into the open flames just to fuck Shouto. The fill of his cock, the maddening way that his cock filled you out, it made your head spin and your knees tremble. With each twitch of his cock, his protruding veins pushing against your spongey walls, increasing the sensation, sending fire to your curling toes. Your weight pushing heavy on Shouto now, sandwiching him hard against the gentle mattress when he couldn’t meet you in an upwards thrust, too lost in the sensation of your smoldering cunt around his cock. 

Shouto’s thighs and stomach quivered in your conquest, his words an unclear babble in his prayer to you. The air was filled with the scent of sex, sweat, cum, and something else. Something you couldn’t put your tongue on, but it stirred you on more with the wet slapping noises of your meeting hips.

It was too much, too much, yet nowhere near enough.

“Y/n, I’m gonna—” Shouto searched for his words a short raspy cry, his cock swelling up and pulsing in your clenching walls, his fingers clenching around the nape of your neck. Bringing you in for another hot kiss. “Gonna—”

“Cum for me,” was the only thing you rasped in his mouth, your lips a deceivingly soft push against Shouto’s bruised lips.

Shouto shot off inside of you like an exploding fire, his eyes squeezed shut so tightly he could only see white and feel you. His grip tightened around your body, pressing you slick against him. But the increased angle is what sends you over the edge, your eyes rolling when your body tenses, pleasure, and relief swallowing you whole when your orgasm overcomes you.

“Shouto,” you mewl in a cracked croak of a voice, your face buried in Shouto’s shoulder as he feels your walls spasm against his cock in almost insane ways. 

“That… shit,” he breathes, unable to think.

“Yeah, same,” you mumble, moving to press a kiss onto his lips.

His body rolls off warmth from his skin, and together, the two of you fall asleep on the bed, entangled in sweat and cum and only elation in your blood.

bonus!

“TODOROKI-KUN!” Iida’s voice pierces through his phone when Shouto wakes up the next morning.

“Iida,” he greets, watching while you brush your teeth, studying the various marks on your body from the night before.

“WHY DID YOU RELEASE A SEX TAPE?!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Iida?”

“CHECK THE NEWS RIGHT AWAY!”

BREAKING NEWS: PRO HERO SHOUTO CAUGHT IN BED WITH CAMGIRL UNDER THE NAME APHRODITE

It was then that the two of you realized you had never turned off your session.

[thesleepy1]

Bundle Of Joy

A/N: A nine hour shift and five hours of sleep later, this fic is based off of a headcanon by @riddlersboyfriend Go blame him for the angst because it's not my fault this time! Hahaha, the power I hold and the lack of sleep behind my eyes makes a perfect combination for fic writing. Unbeta’d because of obvious reasons. :D

“i am currently thinking VERY hard about a post-reichenbach mormor au where,,, idk, sebastian finds a baby?? somewhere?? decides to raise them?? just sad heartbroken sebastian putting his all into caring for this tiny little scrap because he doesn't know what else to do (help me)”

Pairings: past Sebastian Moran x Jim Moriarty

Summary: Jim Moriarty is dead, Sebastian had people confirm it. With his handler gone, there isn’t much reason to go on. Picking up a gun is too difficult for Sebastian these days so he decides on a high bridge, but before he can go through with it the sound of a crying baby draws his attention from the railing.

Word count: 4,688

Warnings: post-reichenbach, suicide attempt, alcohol abuse, smoking abuse, mention of child death, foul lanague,

It was cold and foggy, that much Sebastian could recall from that night. Windy from his memories, because he had forgone a coat, he was planning on jumping off a bridge, a coat was useless in that situation. The cold was accepted. The sound of the river far underneath him could be heard because of the ungodly time or night. Or very early in the morning. Sebastian couldn’t tell before and he could hardly tell now.

There was frost on the railings, so cold underneath his hands that his fingers grew numb. Sebastian didn’t know why, but he had chosen to do this sober. Less chance of surviving the fall if he had to guess. A good beer would only loosen his body, he’s survived car crashes before from over drinking. Best if he did this quickly, no need to prolong his suffering anymore than he had.

Jim had granted him some extra years that he would not have originally given himself, and while they were not the happiest of memories, he had lived a life worth giving a damn about. Not enough to keep the great consulting criminal alive, but enough to look back upon and think, “I did this, I’ve lived this life.” Not anything to be proud of by any means, but it was a life worth considering.

Perhaps that was one of the reasons Sebastian hesitated then, on the other side of the railing. Or perhaps it had been the sound of a shrieking baby.

His head had whipped around, assuming that some mother on a late walk was trying to convince him not to take his own life. But he came up short. There was no one there, just the endless sound of tears and a scream that belonged to powerful lungs. It just won’t stop, the crying. The tears from this helpless thing that he could not see. He was going insane, that was the only explanation. The shrieks of the babe sounded too much like the ones in his own head, the sharp thrill of it that assaulted his ear drums.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!”

The crying didn’t stop, instead it was spurred on by his yelling. Sebastian didn’t know why but he swung his leg back over the railing to investigate where exactly the noise was coming from. Quite frankly he had nothing better to do and he could jump off the bridge at any given time. This mere intervention won’t take long to deal with.

He walked the concrete path besides the road, hand on the railing so when he was done looking around he could fling himself over with a jump. The rush of water against his ears would be a welcomed sound instead of the racket of some overgrown sperm. The relief of it would have him smiling.

“Mama!”

Sebastian followed the distinct word like a bloodhound, the babe’s voice becoming more and more clear as he neared a little wicker basket next to a rubbish bin. It was stereotypically really, something out of one of Jim’s dramatic French films. An abandoned baby in a basket.

But it wasn’t a baby. At least not anymore. Sebastian didn’t have much experience with kids, except with his younger brother. But they were twins with a smacking difference of twelve minutes. However, Sebastian knew enough to know that this was at the very least a toddler, a no less than a year old kid.

That someone had left to die next to a literal trash can.

The kid looked up at Sebastian when he approached. She had these big beady brown eyes filled with tears that made her look so small. They drew you in like quick sand and before Sebastian knew it, he was stuck. He stared at her as much as she stared at him. Her dark brown hair was ear length, matted and covered with dirt and grime. There were little puncture wounds on her earlobes like she had earrings once upon a time; but there was a slight tear at the edge as if they were so hastily removed that her ears were a little ripped. Someone must have been very desperate to be so rash with a little kid that could barely talk.

Sebastian’s fists curled at the state this kid was left in. Even her clothes looked like patchworked rags with poorly sewn seams. Tears made streaks through a dirty face. The night was so cold without a drink. It felt numbing with a jacket a size too large. The kid must be paralyzed. Anger radiated off of Sebastian before he knew what he was doing, a low frustration growl left his chest.

How dare they be abandoned.

The little girl sucked in a breath at the noise Sebastian made. He imagined what he must look like to her, a big, tall, scary blonde white man with enough scars on his face to be mistaken for a pin cushion. But instead of bursting into more tears like most people did, most grown adults did, her mouth curled up into a smile before the most heart wrenching sound had Sebastian on the ground.

Sebastian Moran picked up the little kid with as much care as a train assassin had. He cradled her close to his chest, tucking her head underneath his chin. She laughed again against the funny feeling of his months-old beard. It was contagious, her snuggling close and laughing as if she was not left for dead. This kid barely learned how to process words and she was already twice the man Sebastian will ever be. Sebastian joined her laughter, the sound was so foreign in his mouth that he surprised himself with the sound.

“Joy Moran isn’t that bad of a name, is it?”

-----

Sebastian’s flat was not equipped to handle a kid. It was hardly equipped to handle him on a good day and with how long he had been without Jim, his house was in a worse state than he was. Which was saying a lot because he had just adopted a kid from the dumpster.

Suffice to say, some changes had to be made.

Sebastian had brought the basket from the bridge. He’d made a note to burn it after he got a better carrier but for now that was where Joy was currently laying down for a nap. Her own clothes were dirtier than he was after missions so they had to go. For the time being Joy was wrapped up in his own clothes, the few clean ones still left hanging. He left her on his sofa after clearing away some of the beer bottles for room.

Then he turned up the radiator and began the most torturous thing known to man, cleaning after his own mess.

Joy softly cooed in her sleep and while it was the cutest thing, she was no help to Sebastian. “Traitor,” he muttered under his breath so as not to wake her.

Blaming a toddler wasn’t going to make himself feel any better, so for the first time in a long time, Sebastian did something for himself. He went around his small flat picking up trash; beer bottles to six different brands because the depressed man needed variety, too many empty cigarette boxes, the butts themselves, old take-out boxes to the three same places that had grown mold, dirty laundry, and the most important thing to pick up, his weapons.

By the time he had locked all of his equipment in the space between the walls the glaring sun was up. It was around noon if Sebastian had to guess. Never being the type of person inclined to cleaning, it had taken him much longer than most to go through the list of chores, cleaning the dishes, tidying the kitchen, making his bed, doing the laundry, and onwards. A truly endless list that Sebastian gained respect for the people who did this on a daily basis.

Fortunately, Joy had slept through it all, surprisingly soundless when she had made it very evident that she had a voice that demanded to be heard. She was just silent through it all. Sebastian didn’t vacuum because he was afraid to wake her, but he wasn’t being quiet either. Worry grew from the pit of his stomach like a lead beanstalk. He had never ran so quickly to the couch, to the too still wicker basket with Joy laying in the middle wrapped in his clothes.

Silence. He couldn’t hear a single coo or little baby gurgle. No movement. Sebastian reached out his trembling hands, pulling the bundle of clothes and the still body out of the basket. Sunshine came in through the open windows, but Sebastian felt as cold as the early morning. She was so small. And Sebastian could count the times he held her on one hand. They had only known each other for hours, perhaps half a day, but Sebastian had hoped for more.

He-

He thought he had more time. That he would watch this little bundle of goodness grow into her own person. Watched as she experienced the world and made it her own, watch the light in her big brown teddy bear eyes. Be her guide when he was without anyone to confide in, be the person he had needed when he was young. Make damn sure that she had the best life that he could provide because this kid deserved the world and more. When Sebastian needed her the most she was there. And the babe didn’t even realize it, couldn’t even comprehend how much she meant to him in such a short amount of time.

Sebastian was violently shaking. His little bundle of joy. Why wasn’t he allowed this one mercy? When so many before him had done what he did, had killed more than he could begin to imagine. Worse men who twisted and nurtured human greed and malice like animals; who’ve done so much worse. Why did they get to feel like they belong? Why did those monsters get to feel loved and remembered? All Sebastian wanted was to do one good thing. One selfish, greedy thing.

Tears fell from his eyes as he brushed the dark wisps of her hair from her face. Dirt still clung to her face, the tear streaks showing soft brown skin underneath. Sebastian brushed the grime from her chubby cheeks, his burning tears trickling down to her face. Once the tears had started, they couldn't stop. He was sobbing, sucking in air like he was drowning and in a way he was already dying.

“I’m- I’m so sorry,” he croaked to the babe in his arms, to the little bundle who shone like glass in the sunlight. “I didn’t mean for it to end this way. I’m so sorry, Joy. I couldn’t do more for you.”

The loudest sneeze Sebastian had ever heard made his heart fly out of his chest. Joy was so small but her lungs were too big for her little toddler body. She took one look at Sebastian’s hideous crying face and began shrieking herself. Sebastian had never been happier to hear her cry.

“It’s okay, Joy, it's okay,” he cooed in a soft voice he didn’t know he was capable of. The crying must have done someone to his voice box. “Papa’s got you.” He gently rocked her as he stood up. “No one can hurt you,” he soothed, walking over to his quaint kitchen. The kitchen sink was filled halfway with warm water and soapy, scented bubbles for sensitive skin. Sebastian had once liked to treat, had cared about how his skin smelt and felt.

“We’re going to get you cleaned up, okay?” Sebastian made sure the water wasn’t too hot and gently set Joy in the sink. He wiped his tears away with a dish rag and faced his little bundle of joy with a soft smile on his face. It contoured his scars in a funny way, he knew from pictures Jim had kept on his phone. Joy seemed to like it as well because she had stopped crying in favor of splashing bubbles onto Sebastian to keep the smile one his face. “Papa loves you so much, kiddo.”

-----

There used to be a time where Sebastian was hyper aware of time. The very passage of it he could feel under his feet, the turning of the world made known by the twisting sun and moon. Every second was accounted for, his way of coping then. A little stopwatch to see how long he could last before the thought of some good, strong rope became too tempting to pass up. But with Joy Moran in his life, time flew by in the blink of an eye. A year had passed since the day Joy had entered his life and he barely felt it.

He could see it though; could hear it every morning when he woke up, every afternoon when he ate, every night before he went to bed. In the blink of an eye Joy had grown a year older. She ran through their little flat any chance she got, she sang from the top of her lungs so everyone could hear, and she grabbed for anything she could get her little hands on. And for a two year old with a pair of lungs twice the size they needed to be, she was quite quiet when she wanted to be.

Especially, when a stranger with her papa’s face showed up at the door.

“What’s wrong, Bundle?” Sebastian asked from his hiding place behind the currents. He had yet to win a round of hide-and-seek ever, and while Joy liked to go easy on him in the fourth round or so just to make things fair, she was never this quiet when they played. “Joy?” Sebastian called out again, leaving his hiding place in favor of going down to his knees to be on Joy’s level. “Everything alright?”

Joy shook her head, the ribbons that Sebastian spent too long on flapping like bunny ears. “You’re at the door,” she whispered, which was an occurrence once in a leap year.

“I’m right here, Bundle,” Sebastian tried to reassure, pulling her in for a hug just to prove his point. He let go and patted her head teasingly. “Do you want me to hide in the doorway?” Sebastian joked, glancing at the door just as the handle turned.

In a heartbeat Sebastian had Joy in his arms and sprinted to the wall where his equipment was kept. He positioned himself against a corner with a vantage point over the door and the windows, a loaded handgun sliding into his waiting hand after he pounded the wall. Joy hid her face in the nook of his neck, her arms wrapped around his neck. How she had known there was someone at the door when even Sebastian hadn’t heard the tell tale signs was a topic for a different day. Right now, his focus was on the intruder that could pick his locks without making even the smallest of sounds.

“You should-”

Sebastian pulled the trigger before he realized who was in the doorway. Joy shook in his arms in fear but she held in her yell like a champ, not giving herself away to the enemy. He was so damn proud. And even more impressed that she wasn’t joking when she said he was at the door. Sebastian guessed a part of him was.

Severin Moran kneeled in their doorway, getting his blood all over their shiny purple rug. Joy had picked it out herself. “I love you too, fucking cockhole,” cursed Sebastian’s twin.

“Oh, dear, I heard a gunshot. Is everyone alright?” came Richard’s voice from down the hallway before the man came into view. “My god! Severin, what happened to you?”

“That fucker shot me!”

“Hey, watch your mouth. There’s a kid here,” Sebastian scolded, putting the safety on his gun and tucking it back from where it came. With his free hand, he rubbed soothing circles on Joy’s back. She didn’t make a peep, still wary of the pair in the doorway. “Shhh, it's okay, Bundle. They’re family.”

“Awww, Sebby,” Richard grinned like a puppy, ignoring the fact that Severin was still hissing on the floor. “You think of me like family?”

“You two are married, right? Or did I have to spend six months planning a wedding for nothing?”

“They’re married, Papa,” Joy piped up, her silent spell forgotten in exchange for pointing out the obvious. Though for someone who only had two years of experience in the world, it was quite impressive. Joy turned her head to face Sebastian head on, urging her papa to listen to her. “Look, look, they have rings!” She pointed at Richard’s left hand and the golden band around his finger. “Ten karat gold, I think, because the diamonds are placed all weird.”

Three sets of surprised eyes whipped to the little girl in Sebastian’s arms. She tugged at her ribbons to straighten them without a mirror. Richard’s dark beetle eyes widened in recognition, the two Moran twins had their mouths slightly ajar, confusion painted their faces as reflections. “Kind of cheap,” Joy stuck out her tongue in disgust. “Get a pretty blue diamond on a silver ring next time. Those are pretty.”

“Next time?” Severin asked in confusion, his hands clutching at his leg to stop the bleeding. “What do you mean next time?” The younger blonde shook his head, whipping away sweat using his sleeve. “Kid, it was a miracle I pulled him,” he pointed to Richard who closed the door shut behind them. “Do you really think anyone else would put up with me?”

“Everyday I’m surprised he hasn’t strangled you in your sleep,” Sebastian chuckled, tousling Joy’s hair. Her little hands smacked his hand away when they got too close to her ribbons.

“Believe me, I’ve been tempted,” Richard said in a mock serious tone, walking over to get the medkit from underneath the couch. Sebastian always had it fully stocked, just in cases like these. This was hardly the first time Severin had tried to break into his flat. The previous time Sebastian smashed half a dozen beer bottles over Severin’s head before the dumbass took the hint and left. Richard was more than qualified to patch his husband up at this point.

“Nuh-uh!” Joy shook her head, crossing her arms at the implication. “You’ve never been. You love him.”

“You’re not wrong, kid,” Severin said between huffs of pain as Richard ripped off a section of Severin’s pants with the swiss army knife Severin kept in his pocket. The ruined cloth came out with crude drippings of red. Richard positioned himself so his back was to Sebastian, using his body as a cover so Joy didn’t have to see his impromptu surgery. “But you don’t even know who I am. I didn’t even know Sebastian went out and got some b-”

“Don’t make me wash your mouth,” Sebastian warned, the teasing tone in his voice all gone. Severin knew damn well that Sebastian was a man of his word. They had grown up together after all.

His twin rolled his eyes, gladly taking the balled up rag into his mouth. Richard was quick and experienced with his hands. He had the bullet out in a matter of minutes, the stinking little thing landing on the destroyed rug. “First you don't tell us you have a kid. Second, you don’t tell us how much of a push over it made you? I thought we were friends, Sebastian.”

Joy nodded and hummed in agreement. “Papa can be a stick in the mud sometimes.”

“Who told you that?”

“The lady that takes your money. But she used words you don’t want me to use. She’s pretty mean, Papa. I bit her once.”

Richard finished up wrapping the wound on Severin’s leg, getting up to clean the mess they had made. “Haha, she’s definitely a Moran,” Severin laughed, letting Richard wipe me off without his usual complaint.

“Of course I am,” Joy stated proudly.

Richard smiled at that, wiping his hands clean with a rag and warm water. “I believe introductions are in order.” He raised an eyebrow at Sebastian to object. The older Moran twin merely sighed in resignation knowing when he was defeated. If only he was defeated with a knock at the door instead of his brother bleeding out in the doorway. “I’m Richard Moran, but you can call me Richie. It's nice to finally meet you.”

Richard held out his hand to shake. Joy took his hand in her small one and turned it over, tracing every line with her free hand. Richard allowed her to analyze his hand, curious to see what she could deduce.

“Was it your mama or auntie’s banoffee pie recipe?” Joy asked curiously, a knowing glint in her big brown eyes.

Richard had seen the look before. Oftentimes when he had looked in the mirror. And many more times when watching his twin. “It was my mother’s sister's recipe,” Richard answered, “But you already knew that.”

“Did you bring any for me?” Joy asked hopefully, eyes darting around Richard and Severin’s persons for the tooth rotting pie. Severin held out his hands to show her he had nothing. She slumped in disappointment at being overlooked. “Next time you cover over, please bring some for me. Oh! And you could draw my name with caramel. My name’s Joy, J-O-Y.”

“Joy, huh?” Severin tried the name out, “Well, I guess I’m Uncle Severin.” Severin shook his head lightly, “How old are you, kid?”

“Two!” Joy held out two fingers to show Severin who was still on the ground.

“You didn’t tell me about my own fucking niece for two whole years?” This was to a guilty Sebastian.

A dark look clouded Sebastian’s eyes. He let Joy back down on the ground. His whole body held in a breath like a prisoner, body as tense as rope pulled taunt. “Just a year,” he replied gruffly, taking the ruined rug to throw out. “I’ve only had her for a year. After-” he released the breath and sucked it back in. “After Jim was gone, I didn’t know where to go. Found her on a bridge.” The implication was clear enough, Sebastian didn’t need to explain further. He left the room to deal with the mess he had made.

“You made him upset,” Joy said clearly to the couple that remained. “You got to go and say sorry.”

“He made me upset too, Joy,” Severin told the girl, taking a swig of the bottle that Richard brought to clean his wound. “I kind of want to be a part of my brother’s life. Especially after what he went through with the boss,” Severin continued absentmindedly.

At that a thoughtful, yet unreadable look passed Joy. Richard couldn’t tell if it was curiosity or something else, perhaps something dangerous if she shared more similarities with him than he had originally speculated. Richard had never seen that expression before but there was a first time for everything and he was not one to underestimate an ally. “Do you know who the boss is?” Richard tested the waters before the shark returned.

Joy hummed out a non committal tune, considering whether or not to answer Richard. The two year old was more strategic than most historical generals alive decades before she was born. “I do, a little bit,” she said vaguely, eyeing the empty space where her chosen rug had sat. “But Papa doesn’t let me know more.” Her gaze returned to Richard’s, big brown eyes met beady black ones. “Papa doesn’t want to remember. But you know him, don’t you, uncle Richie?”

“Tell me more about the boss.”

-----

Sebastian had been warned that babies didn’t get much sleep, but he was never warned about three year olds with too much energy for their own good. He had never gotten much sleep in his years working as an assassin for hire, the process of sleeping for more than a several hours a night was too taxing on his heart. But nowadays he was lucky to get an hour or two before the little pitter patter of footsteps announced the present of the queen of the flat and her need for attention.

Sebastian loved Joy more than the world itself, but he sure did miss his sleep. “Good,” he looked at his bedside to see the time of night. Or more accurately day. What kind of three year old woke up at five in the god forsaken morning? “Morning, Bundle.”

“Papa! Papa,” Joy frantically greeted with a grin and shouts followed by leaps into the air. If Sebastian wasn’t so tired, he would be thoroughly amused.

“Joy, Joy!”

“Come, come! There’s someone like me!” With that she spirited out of the bedroom without a care for the people living downstairs.

It had been a little over a year since Joy’s first meeting with Severin and Richard and ever since then it had been harder to ignore that Joy was a little different from toddlers her age. For one she could speak in proper sentences with vocabulary that Sebastian needed a dictionary to understand when she wanted to, just to mess with him. For another, she could read and write things Sebastian didn’t even learn in his last year of school before deploying, much to her teachers' joy and dismay. She simply saw the world differently from he did and there was nothing wrong with that. It just meant that Sebastian got to have a slightly different fatherly experience.

Like waking up at five in the morning to his three year old toddler turning on the news of all things.

“Look, look!” Joy eagerly pointed at the telly, the flashing lights blinding in the near dark room. On the new channel the tagline had Sebastian grabbing at the walls to stable himself. “Famed Detective Returns From The Dead '' Footage of the damned man flashed onto the screen as if to rub in Sebastian’s face.

He looked the same. He looked healthy even. Alive.

Breathing.

Alive.

“Do you see him, Papa? He’s like me!” Joy’s excited tone brought Sebastian back to the world of the living. Her smile made his heart both freeze and burn out of his chest. “Oh, look at him! He’s like me! He’s looking and seeing. He’s watching the camera all funny but he’s really staring at the cameraman that fancies him. Like- like Uncle Richie and Uncle Severin. But he doesn't like the cameraman like that, of course. He likes his doctor.” Joy laughed hauntingly at her own joke and the familiarity of it made Sebastian want to reach for a gun at his hostler that hadn’t been there for a long time.

“He’s like me, but...he’s kind of slow,” Joy said mournfully, saddened by this realization. “I knew before I turned on the telly that the cameraman was obsessed with him. He carries the camera in a certain way. Have you noticed that too Papa?” Joy didn’t wait for a reply before continuing, “Like he was trying to impress someone, “Look at me! Look at how strong I am. Look at how I stupidly edge near danger, how daring!” Do you think his boss knows he kills so he has something to show on the camera?” Joy looked at Sebastian expectantly for an answer. She still saw him as an equal, as someone worth confiding in and that fact alone had Sebastian scooping her up in a bone aching hug.

“I’m sure the cameraman makes it very obvious. Most first timers do,” Sebastian explained, subtlety wiping the tears from his eyes.

“Oh, they do! They do, Papa! The cameraman makes it too obvious, but he’s still a cameraman. Someone’s letting him play. Someone wants him to keep playing.” Joy clapped her hands like she was watching Sunday morning cartoons. “Do you think it's the boss?”

Sebastian didn’t have to ask about which boss she was talking about. He merely shrugged because he didn’t know.

[entoman-created-by-the-tallgreys]

Evil is Stupid

i Know the Title, Isn't Very Catchy, But it’s to the Point ! 

Evil is, fucking Stupid. 

Every time you do a Bad deed it dose you. 

Every time you Hurt Some one you that shit will in one way or another Come back to Bite you in the Wave effect. as you Hurt Other's thay Hurt other’s and or you make some one a bit less nicer, and or Erode there trust for Stranger's 

Witch is a Domino Effect ! 

Every time you are Greedy, you aka away from other’s so thay can’t give to you more. Greed is a Self Suicide ! 

And Hate is a Poison, Anger is One thing but hate is Poison, you can hate a Thing but to be Hatful is ..... Insanity. you hate a thing becuz it is Bad. 

Or there is a Great error of that or Many error’s’ of that, AND HAT’S THE HATE ! 

Your Mad at the Shittyness of it. but to truly Hate is a Poison, for that Hatful, Are Already Sick to begin With ! 

. . . 

The Will to Want to Hurt other’s is a Power Thing, and the Love is Power is Come’s out of Fear ! 

A Type of fear but fear ! 

A Primeval Urge to beat the other’s, to Take over to Conquer to Slaughter the Enemy and to Gain Make Resource. 

Once you Get too Much power ... You’ll Not know what ever to do, You’re Head will Spin and you’ll Get Lose in your Own Confusion and Boredom. 

And you’ll Want to Give up the Power, N YET BE AFFRIAD OF IT ! 

becuz if you lose it you “Die” . . . 

. . .

A Shotgun is Raw Power and So is a Nuke. 

Shoot a Piece of Wood and Watch it Explode or Let the Tree just Grow and you’ll See a Wonder Tree ... With a Spirit ! 

Also, i’m Going to Just Slip thsi One in ⤵

i Just Want you to see thsi One as Well ⤴ 

My Point is this .... Evil Destroy’s and in the Cycle’s i Have Seen evil destroy it self and evil Being destroy each other ! 

then What is the Love of evil ? 

Wtf, Dose Being Evil Achieve ? 

. . . 

As far as i Can see it God dam Betrays it self. 

Darkness in Degree Amount is no So Bad but Pure Darkness, is Death and the Love of Doing Evil is Animal Urge. 

. . . fuck that, you May Bot Need to Love Each other but the Least u Can do is Be Peaceful, and Not be a dick i see so many evil people online and Troll’s and Cyber Bullies i Wonder where there all Coming from and why the fuck is there Such a Huge Population, of them !? 

thay do not Cooperate but Attack ! 

i see people Post Snuff Film’s By the Boat Load, Many many many many many Film’s of Real Horror and real Gore, i See thsi Bullshit almost on a Daily Basis. 

i Can’t Understand WHY ! ... thay God dam fucking Enjoy’d this shit .... Still i Say what thay where saying ... the Level of Enjoyment of it Was = to that of Wolf’s Enjoying a God dam Hunt 

... 

by the Way, i see demon’s as Sick Soul’s, not Bad Soul’s but defiantly Dangerous Soul’s. 

i Think, Maybe the demon’s are Ill and Need Help Going to the Light but have fallen so far from it it Hurt’s to Go Any where Near it ! 

As If Maybe Dark Energy Can be a Kinda, Soul Disease. and Thay Need to Be Slowly Risen to the Light ... little by Little. 

Idk, But i Can say, Nice Demon’s Exist, there Rare ... Super rare but thay Exist. 

Listen, i Just trying to Point out that Evil, Has alot of flaw’s. 

And Many thing’s that are “Evil” Are Based off of Life form’s Being fucking Stupid. and Not Understanding the full Ripple effect of there Action’s and there not caring part is Based off not Having To feel and Suffer the Stupid of there Own Action’s of enough or Painful Enough to really Care, Most of the time thay Use Anger to Be as a Buff to there own fail, not Knowing anger is Just Gasoline on the fire, Anger is Not a Cure All, it is Most of the fucking time a Suicide ! 

Getting Mad at thing’s that don’t Go your Way is .... Not Going to Help thing’s. 

Thou Need’s to Think n Not Rage ! 

Rage Can Be Useful but not all of the Fucking Time. 

. . . 

Another Large fuck up is, . . . Being Heartless or Not Giving a fuck about some one else Pain. 

And or the Man time people Cyber Bully a Person Expressing there Pain, only to get a fuck ton more becuz of Evil Asshole’s on the internet, What to enjoy tormenting some one just becuz there fucking Insane ! 

. . .  

. . . 

And it’s all over the Internet, 1 out of 3 People Get’s Got dam Cyber Bulled on any given day and i Could Say it’s 1 out of 2 ...

There is a fuck Ton of Harsh Word’s Going around, Evil retard’s Going no Where Wasting time and Slow Each other down with Pointless Pain ! 

https://www.cnn.com/2016/12/14/health/teen-suicide-cyberbullying-continues-trnd/index.html 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicides_that_have_been_attributed_to_bullying

https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/mesa/2020/08/06/mesa-family-seeks-answers-after-10-year-old-girl-dies-suicide/5564628002/

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/cyberbullying-pushed-texas-teen-commit-suicide-family/

https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=235570927

WTF ! DID THSI SOLVE ! 

NOTHING ! 

WHERE DID IT TAKE ANY WHERE ! 

NOTHING ! .... BACK TO THE GOD DAM STARTING POINT ! AKA DEATH ! 

YOU WHERE A GHOST N THEN YOU WHERE A BABY N NOW YOUR A GHOST ! 

WTF ! 

WHAT HE FUCKING FUCK ! 

. . . 

i Mean it the world is full of Insane, Deranged, Sick and Confused Soul’s that thing there fucking Supreme becuz there evil, thay think evil is a fucking power when it’s God dam Regression ! 

Cooperation, Kindness, Love, Generosity, Hope, ... Helping other’s ! 

God dam it THAT’S PROGRESS ! 

And Self Sacrifice ! 

OH ! And Not Being Selfish ! . . . This is Progress, This is how to Get Shit done, Also ... Have a Open Mind, . . . Accept Other’s for who thay are and Don’t Mind The Little thing’s about Each other so Much ! 

Worry About the real Problem’s in Life and TRY TO SOLVE Them ! 

. . .  

Stop Attacking people for being GOD ! DAM SMART ! Ad or for Thinking out of The Box, ... Quit attacking the Anti Retarded aka the Progressive, This is Insanity. 

[alinaaaa914]

My Approach in Mental Health With An Ounce of Self-Love - -

When you take a step into Mental Health you almost feel as trapped as having to quarantine for fourteen days, to almost months leading into years. Ever pictured this lifestyle, I didn’t actually, in my existence but I treated it as a learning motive into becoming the new woman I almost always dreamt of becoming. As the experience progresses, I can share a few of my very own steps that hit home in many shapes and forms leading me into the much happier and carefree soul that I have always been and how it has shaped my happiness. 

As I go on, I have to mention that during these times I thought it was impossible to accomplish the lifestyle I wanted and dreamt of for so long. I am still working towards it, but I am progressing toward the right path and direction I aspire to be in. 

For starters, I was working two part-time jobs that were insane to me. I was receiving minimum wage at fifteen dollars bi-weekly and bought outside food every day. In one of my positions, I worked at a sports club in which I was able to workout. That helped balance most things until I discovered a youth worker position that led me into a world that I thought I would never imagine. Gratitude and Growth are a few skills I have attained through working with all sorts of communities in the school district. Due to the pandemic, I later lost that position and it struck me personally and internally. I needed to keep thriving in other ways. It was not the end of the world, even though it felt so. 

During early March, I felt a bit light-headed and decided that it was best to take the next workday off. That canceled workday turned into unemployment benefits. I have been unemployed since and I have turned into the best version of myself I must say. The process is about flourishing into the woman I’ve become, and through this journey, there have been rough patches, but I knew within myself to better my wellbeing. I had suffered from anxiety, I went through moments where I wanted to end my life but thankfully I did no self-harm. My mental health was triggered tremendously. At that point in my life, I knew I needed to make internal, powerful changes to get through these times. I always felt alone, like no one was near me, I held everything in from those who I loved dearly and was always to myself. When in moments like this, I tried different ways to help but at that point, nothing was working for me. I slept a lot, I was questioning everything from love to even myself and how I looked in the mirror. That was something I almost always struggled with as a Latina woman and am progressing at loving myself more now. The lifestyle I pictured equals what I have attained through this pandemic. It was something I was missing entirely. I have learned so much and focused only on what is beneficial to me now and long term. 

Of course, I get concerned with finances but keeping a thorough strategy in savings is what works best. Out of this, a plus I gained is getting more in tune with myself, spiritually wise. Finding and reaching for that relationship with God helps guide me and become a lot more thankful for all that is before me and to come. With this, I was able to open up on matters I thought I could never open up. Sticking to my true self and what is true is what makes me the stronger individual. It is what grounds all the sorrows and opposite-minded thoughts that I have had built up since birth. The results are endless where there is so much in the world to have faith in and trust every step of the way. 

.

.

.

For those of you reading this, I would love to share an abundance amount of tips that may help you: 

1. Self Awareness 

2. Ideas

3.Consistency

4. Music

.

. 

Self- Awareness: Getting in tune with every ounce of yourself from your childhood past and understand yourself through literature, disabilities, qualities you love within yourself, and those you want a future with. This alone helps shape your true self and it is entirely important and essential to learn about and get accustomed to who you are inside and out. 

.

Ideas: Find those that you might think of that will help you, yourself. No-one but yourself. Some I recommend are Positive Affirmations, Journaling, Scrapbooking, fruitful activities, and Testing your IQ. Let it be something that makes you comfortable as if sleeping in your favorite sweatshirt or blanket. Keep in mind, you do not need any opinions from those who you care for or love, this is your moment and your time to flourish on your own, it is how you want it to be.  

.

.

.

Consistency: This factor is the most effective, but it does take time and work. It is the only way you can progress as a whole. My advice, do it without thinking about it. I am a strong thinker myself, but once you entertain your intended daily routines and do things effortlessly you will see what I mean. You must take whatever you decide for yourself. It is your time. Anything you lay your eyes on you need to keep it constant, it is what keeps your mind and train of thought forward. 

Music: Selecting various amounts of relaxing songs or even sounds. Some I recommend are white noise sounds, instrumental, nature-like sounds, waves. These kinds of sound effects may seem weird to the ear, but do come with a benefit, trust me. It is time to get out of your comfort zone. 

[princecharmingmendes]

Paris | Day One

When your parents decide to travel with your best friend’s family that you haven’t talked to in a while, who you have a massive secret crush on, what could go wrong, right? Right?! (best friends to lovers)

*It’s my first series, hope you love it!

*Word Count: 6.3k

*Warnings: cursing, slight angst and Shawnie boy being cute.

*Posted: December 7th, 2019

                                                          -*- 

Pants? Check! Gloves? Check! Fuzzy socks? Check! Charger? Check! Passport? Check! Phone? Shit! Where’s it again?! Oh, yeah, I’m holding it.

I rolled my eyes to my own stupidity finishing my mental packing checklist. I think I might have everything I needd with me. Well, I’ll only find out whenever I need something from across the ocean and notice that I probably forgot it on top of the sea of clothes that I decided not to pack laying on top of my bed.

I don’t even know why I’m so apprehensive about this whole family trip thing. We always travel together at least once a year, the only difference is that this time, the Mendes’ family would be joining us, which wasn’t the first time as well. I mean, maybe the first time in a few years, but still, nothing that I haven’t been through before. Shawn is not even going to be joining us! I mean, not that I care.

The buzz from my nightstand captured my attention from my thoughts and I stretched as best as I could to reach for my phone without getting up from the soft spot on my bed. I internally rolled my eyes at the photo of my younger sister lighting up the screen.

“Sup, kiddo?”

“I’m not a kid anymore, you know?” She said trying to contain the anger laced on her tone.

“Yeah, sure, whatever you say, kiddo”

“God, sometimes I really hate you”

“Awn, I love you too, Flo, so, why did call the most amazing human being on the whole wide world?”

“Y/N, seriously, you’re so annoying”

“Whatever, but, ‘seriously’” I said mocking her tone, earning a light chuckle from the other side of the line “what can I do for ya?”

“I’m just calling you to check if things are ready, mom’s been driving me crazy” Florence said and I swear to God that I could imagine her rolling her eyes in annoyance, but I could not blame her.

I mean, I love my mom, but she is a general when it comes to traveling, she needs to double check every little thing possible, finding mistakes where you could not even imagine. But after all that stress, you could be 100% sure that nothing would go wrong if she planned everything, because she had a plan “D” for everything. That’s right, a plan “D”.

“Everything’s in the right place, double checked and ready to go” I said between giggles.

“Great, she said you can leave in ten if you want, dad’s just finishing some stuff so that we can go to the airport”

“Kay, I think I’ll just go now, I’m pretty bored anyway”

“Fine, see you in ten”

“See you, kiddo” I said ending the call before she could kill me.

I took a deep breath and got up, closing my huge suitcase, but not before going through the whole mental checklist thing, and with all the strength I had, getting it on the floor. I grabbed my phone and tossed it on my backpack, put my sunglasses on the top of my head and got out of my small apartment. Took a deep breath again to lift my suitcase to put it on my car, and got it, starting it to go to my parents house.

It was weird saying their house, I mean, they bought it, so it’s theirs, but I sort of grew up there and I just recently moved out, so I guess I’m just getting over the fact that I don’t live with them anymore. It’s not like I live that far, it’s just that I decided to move closer to college to make my daily routine easier, so I moved to a small apartment that’s just a seven minute drive to campus, or a twenty minute walk. But it’s not like in a non insane traffic rush it would take me more than 10 minutes to get to their house. And since we moved almost five years ago to Toronto, we got much closer, since we had to readjust and make new social circles in the Big City, so I guess that’s why it’s so weird to me to not be around them the whole time.

After the whole nostalgic thoughts and a few jamming sessions on the car, I entered the building and parked on my spot, typing quickly on my phone saying that I was already there to my sister. She replied almost instantaneously, telling me to wait in the garage and that they were on their way down. So I just sat on the car, waiting for them, scrolling through social media and feeling my heart beat a little faster when I saw a picture Shawn posted on his stories, on a FUCKING airport. That had to be a coincidence. He wasn’t going to Paris with us, he simply couldn’t.

Let me get this story straight. My family and I used to live in a small town in Canada, called Pickering, and we used to be the Mendes’ neighbors. Our parents clicked almost automatically when they moved, because someone took French classes with someone when they were like seven and whatever, you know what I mean. So me and Shawn, Florence and Aaliyah kind of didn’t have an option on not becoming like best friends. Flo and Aaliyah had a similar age, my sister is 17 and Liyah is 16. Shawn is 21 and I’m 20, and since we’re literally at each other’s houses all the time, we automatically became best friends basically since the day we were born. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.

The problem is that Shawn Peter Raul Mendes is the definition of perfection. He’s not just the hottest person to live on earth and probably the whole galaxy, but also the funniest, kindest, most talented and caring human being I’ve ever met. And there’s a bonus, he knew me better than anyone. So it was impossible to not fall for him when I discovered what that is/was. Okay, maybe not fall for him, but I did have a major crush on him growing up, but I never said anything, cause, duh, who would?! I’d never do anything that could make our relationship weird. Even because he never showed any signs telling me he felt something as well.

So yeah, I had to swallow seeing him with other girls, having a heartbreak because of other girls and all that with a smile on my face, like it didn’t feel like having someone pinching my heart every damn time. But what made everything worse was the day I found out we were moving to Toronto when I was like 15. I ran into his house, straight into his room and cried the whole night, and when I told him the reason why, he couldn’t hold it in, so he cried with me. In the end, he helped me pack and promised me that we would still be best friends, no matter where I was moving to, that he would call and text all day, that he would be only a couple miles away, and I believed him. And I can’t say he didn’t keep his promise, at least for the first year.

We would se each other every holiday and text non-stop, but than he started dating some random girl and suddenly, he couldn’t come on the holidays or answer my phone calls. And to avoid another heartbreak, I decided to let it go. It’s not like we don’t talk anymore or don’t see each other in years, it’s just that, it’s not the same as before. But I don’t blame him, this is inevitable, our lives are so different. He’s one year older and he travels a lot, he took a whole year just to wander around the globe with his friends, he’s in music school somewhere and is dating a girl that looks like just got out of a runaway. I’m just someone who finished high school and went straight to college to become a doctor, so my life is quite boring, I study a lot, work an insane amount of hours for a student with my stepfather to gain experience (and that’s it, no money for me), I’m finishing a research and my last fling didn’t go as well as I expected, turned out I was not his only one. So yeah, completely different lives.

He cannot come to this trip and mess with my head that I took many years to get in the right place. He simply can’t.

“Darling?” The voice of my mom reverberated through the whole garage startling the shit out of me.

“Geez, mom, are you trying to kill me or something?” I said jokingly standing up from the seat and going to greet them.

“It’s just a little revenge for every time you scared me”

“Hi, Y/N, where’s your suitcase?” Dad asked me kissing my forehead.

“Hi, dad, it’s in my car”

“Okay, you girls get your stuff on the car and I’ll grab the suitcases, Okay? Karen said they’re already here, waiting for us to go to the boarding area”

“Kay” Flo said getting her backpack and jumping on the backseat of the car. Mom was already on the passenger seat.

“Do you need help, dad?” I said as I watched him get my bag from my car, putting it into his.

“No, sweetheart, I’m done, the rest is already here, thanks”

With that, I just nodded and climbed on the car, that a few moments later was already on the streets of Toronto heading to the airport.

                                                         -*-

“Oh my God, is that Shawn?!” Flo whisper yelled to me, getting my attention that was on my phone to her. We were close to the check-in desk where our parents where checking-in our luggage.

“Dunno, don’t care”

“Oh, come on, Y/N, he’s your best friend and there’s like ages since you last saw him, it was on summer!”

“Yeah, so? Six months it’s not that much”

“God, you’re so annoying”

“What are you two already arguing about? This is vacation you guys, try to chill a little bit and behave, please” Mom said as they approached “Now let’s find Karen and Manny”

“I think they’re there, love” Dad said pointing towards what Flo said Shawn was, but I just didn’t want to look just yet.

“Oh, yes, that’s them, let’s go!”

Shit.

“Karen!” Was the first greeting to be heard as we got closer to the them, obviously it came from my mom, cause she was born without the power of being embarrassed.

“Oh my god! You look amazing!”

And than everyone started talking and hugging and all that stuff. I was a little behind, too focused on the level I was on CandyCrush to look up, but when I bumped into a wall I immediately looked up and tried to stabilize myself, but that was just a stupid idea. It wasn’t a wall. His scent was the first thing to make me weak on my knees. But than my eyes met his honey colored ones and that beautiful grin that showed all his perfect aligned teeth. And before I could fall on my butt, his strong hands gripped my waist firmly, steadying my body and keeping me close.

“Sh-Shawn” I sighed practically a whisper “oh, shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you” and all I could hear was my heart beating wildly and his melodic chuckle.

“S’okay, honey, still playing CandyCrush?”

“Uh... yeah, yeah, it’s a nice game”

“Yes, it is, God, you look so...”

“Y/N, my dear!” Karen cut her son in the middle of the sentence, making my heart skip a beat. I don’t know if I should thank her or be mad at her “Shawn, can you please let her go, I didn’t see her in a while too”

“Sure” He said, cleaning his throat and letting go of me, scratching the back of his neck. Am I really missing his hands on me?!

“Hi, Karen, how are you?” I said smiling politely before being engulfed in a bear hug.

“I’m extremely happy to be here with you guys, and you? Oh, you must have so much to tell me! You look so good, you get prettier everyday! Are you dating someone new? How college?” She asked too many questions making me dizzy for a second.

“Sweetie, calm down, you’ll be with her for a long time, don’t make her regret coming just now, hey there, Y/N” Manny said giggling, making Karen smack his arm playfully.

“I’m good, college is amazing, too much in such a little time, but still amazing. And thank you?!” I said trying to answer everything.

“That’s really good, dear, but don’t worry, we’ll have time to catch on everything”

“I’m pretty sure we will”

“Y/N!”

“Liyah! Loved your hair” I said hugging her.

“Oh, thanks!”

As we walked down the aisles to the boarding area, everyone was talking cheerfully to each other, catching on everything they could. I was a little behind in the middle of Flo and Liyah, listening to her new crush when I felt something reaching for my wrist, making me look back, seeing Shawn with a shy smile on his face, so I went a little to the side to walk beside him instead.

“I never greeted you properly”

“I guess you didn’t”

“Hi, Y/N, how are you?” He said reaching his hand out, I grabbed it smiling and you shook them.

“Hi, Mendes, I’m fine, and you?”

“So much better now” he said winking in my direction, making me blush lightly “I can’t believe that I can still make you all flushed that easily”

“Oh, shut up, pink cheeks”

“Oh, drop it, you’re sister’s right, you’re annoying as heck, but I still missed you”

I froze as the words fell off his lips.

“Everything okay, honey?” Shawn asked turning around with concern written all over his face “did I say anything wrong?”

“Hm?”

“You stopped out of the blue”

“Oh, I just remembered that I have no idea who I’m sitting with on the flight, ya know?”

“Oh, didn’t know that was a issue, are you still afraid of turbulence? Is that why?”

“Hm, yeah”

“Oh, than you can chill, you’re with me, your parents and mine put us together to catch up”

Great. Just what I needed.

“Oh, that sounds nice”

“So, how’s life?”

“Same”

“Really? But what about that guy... Roger?”

“Rick? Oh, turned out you were right and he was a dick”

“What did he do?! Did he hurt you?!”

“Well, he did cheat on me, so he kind of hurt me, but not physically”

Shawn mumbled something I couldn’t hear.

“What was that?”

“Hm? Nothing”

“Shawn...”

“Nothing, honey, I swear” he said looking straight ahead. So I decided to just drop it. He’s just too stubborn.

“So... how’s your life?”

“Mine? Great, I’m moving back to Canada”

“Really? When?”

“Actually, just moved back to Toronto like two days ago”

“I can’t believe it!”

“Me neither” Shawn chuckled “I was supposed to surprise you, don’t know, just show up at your door or college”

“You thought about surprising me?”

“Of course, you’re my best friend, honey”

“Oh”

“‘Oh’? Why do you sound this surprised?

“I don’t know, we just aren’t that close anymore, and we didn’t see each other for like six months, and you didn’t call on my birthday and...” I couldn’t finish because someone was asking for my documents and stuff.

So we went through the whole process and going through the gate, sitting down close to each other on the plane without a word. After what felt like ages, I felt something brushing the sides of my thigh. I look down and it’s Shawn’s knee bouncing. And for now, I just ignored it, knowing he had a lot to say, just wasn’t comfortable enough to do it now. So we got in the plane and sat on our seats, I sat next to the window, and I let him take the aisle due to his gigantic legs.

My headphones were quite loud when I felt the plane starting to move, making my hands grip the seat tighter involuntarily. Before I could start feeling sick to my stomach, I felt a hand covering my knee, giving it a little squeeze. I just breathed in a little deeper and looked at his face, but he was already looking at me. He leaned in, kissing my forehead and letting go of my knee, turning his palm up, so I instantaneously held it, threading my fingers with his.

“It’s okay, princess, you’re fine and I’m here with you, okay?” He said in a calm and low tone near to my ear, making my whole body melt into the seat “do you want me to do anything to make it better?” I just shaked my head “no? Is this enough?” I nodded “okay, so just breath for me, eh? Can you do that for me, honey?”

I nodded starting deep breaths and felt my hand being lightly squeezed, in encouragement.

When the plane was finally stable, I slowly let go of his hand and snuggled into the wall. I could feel Shawn’s stare on me, but I couldn’t simply look at him, so I just closed my eyes and focused on whatever artist’s voice was playing through my earphones.

An hour or so later, when everyone seemed to be asleep, including mister “I miss you”, my bladder decided to work, so I really needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and started trying to jump the sleeping giant by my side, but something made him stir wake while I was literally in the middle of jumping him, with his legs between mine, and he just grabbed me by my hips.

“Hm, Sorry, did I wake you?” I practically whispered, trying to gain some balance I placed my hands each side of his head on his seat.

“No, baby, whatcha doing?”

“I need to go to the bathroom”

“Oh, sorry” he said with his eyes not completely open, in a zone between sleep and consciousness.

I just gave him a tight lip smile and ran to the bathroom. Okay, did he just called me “baby”? I shook my head and threw cold water on my face. Getting back there made my heart get a little warmer. Shawn was laying with half of his body on my seat, with his arms crossed and the softest look on his face.

“Shawnie?” I whispered laying my hand on his chest and he whined still asleep “handsome, I need to get back to my place”

Shawn slowly opened his eyes again, rubbing his whole face, mumbling a “sorry” and sitting straight. I jumped his legs back and sat down.

“Do you want to lay on me, big guy?”

“Can I?”

“Sure” and as I said, he quickly lifted that seat divider and placed his head on my chest, snuggling on my side and wrapping his arms around me.

“Thank you, honey” he said as I started running my hand through his hair, making him groan softly, and in a matter of seconds, drift off to sleep again. So I just chose a random movie to play and tried to fall asleep, since I didn’t have much to do other than stay quietly because of Shawn standing basically on top of me.

Fortunately, I ended up dozing off pretty quickly, but half and hour later, I felt something on my neck making me wake up, but I didn’t want to open my eyes just yet.

“What?” I groaned as lowly as I could.

“Shh, baby, you can go back to sleep” Shawn murmured against the skin of my neck.

There he goes again with the baby thing.

“Shawn? What are you doing?”

“Nothing” he said nuzzling his face even deeper in my neck.

“Shawn?!”

“Shh, baby, there’s people trying to sleep, and you should be doing the same” he said and I felt his lips brush against my skin, giving me goosebumps.

“Seriously, what the hell are you doing?”

“I just missed you, do you want me to back off?” He asked and I pondered for a while, than I shook my head  and he mumbled a simple “good”.

He peppered light feather kisses along the side of my neck, making me feel those damn butterflies on my stomach, and also making me feel like I’m 13 all over again.

“Go back to sleep, honey” he said running his nose through the extension of my neck.

“You woke me, I can’t”

“Sorry, you’re just so warm and cozy, I couldn’t resist”

“Resist...?”

“You” Shawn said like it’s obvious giving a longer kiss on a particular sensitive spot, pulling from me a little whine and making me thread my fingers between his curls. Shawn chuckled lightly against my skin “yes, honey, anything you want to say?”

“You”

“What about me?” He said leaning his head against my shoulder, turning my head by my chin to look at him.

“You’re just confusing”

“I’m confusing?”

“Yes! Why did you wake up?”

“The person behind me tripped on my feet on their way back to his seat”

“Oh, I see that, do you... hmm...”

“Do I...?”

“Do you want to go back to sleep?”

“I wouldn’t mind” he said straightening his back and getting back to his seat.

“Where are you going?” I asked pouting involuntarily and he just smiled. More of a cocky grin than anything else.

“Just adjusting so you can lay on me”

“Oh, okay”

“C’mere, honey” he said patting his chest and I just laid there, wrapping my arms around his middle, and having him do the same “now sleeps, I’ll be right here”.

“Kay” and with that, he kissed the top of my head and held me even tighter, starting to play with my hair. How can you not immediately go back to sleep with that?

                                                         -*-

I woke up a while later with the sound of the flight attendant offering dinner to another people a few seats ahead of us. I grabbed my phone and saw that we still had a four hour flight to Paris and sighed. Well, at least I had a giant warm pillow by my side. I tried sitting properly but Shawn wouldn’t let go of me, so I just gave up and relaxed against his chest, grabbing my sketchbook to look through it.

I got so lost in over analyzing my past few drawings that I didn’t notice that he was awake and looking through them with me. At least, not until I quickly went through one that I didn’t finish and he placed his hand over the page, stopping me from turning it. I looked up to meet his honey colored ones already looking at me.

“What?”

“What is this one?” He said extremely low due to the nap we took, making me warm inside.

“It’s nothing, I didn’t even finish sketching it”

“Is it us?” He said taking his hand from the page and looking at it.

“It was supposed to be, it’s a recreation of that picture we took at your place on Christmas, wrapped up in christmas’ lights”

“Why?”

“Dunno, guess I just missed you a little bit more than usual that day”

“No, why didn’t you finish it?”

“Oh, sorry, I... I guess it seemed odd to draw the both of us, especially because at that time we weren’t even talking because of...”

“Yeah, and I’m sorry about that”

“It’s okay, I guess, it’s over”

“She was wrong though”

“Your ex? Obviously, she was jealous for no reason, you’ve never seen me as more than friends”

“And neither have you”

“Yes, I know that, she didn’t”

“I made a lot of dumb choices, eh?”

“Yeah, you did, Shawn”

“And I wish I could just go back and fix them”

“Fix what’s not broken? You don’t need to fix anything, I’m right here, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, but you are hurt”

“Am I?”

“Honey... we need to talk about it, we’ll never go back to normal if we don’t���

“I don’t have anything to say, Shawnie”

“But I do, honey” he said taking a deep breath “I know I’ve been the shittiest friend in history, that you didn’t always come first in the past few months and I’m truly sorry for that. I’m also sorry for promising things to you that I didn’t keep, like always being there for you when you need me and stuff. And sorry for the ex girlfriends that made us go further apart, obviously for my mistake, but anyway, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that...”

“Shawn...”

“Please, Y/N, I really need to get that off my chest”

“And I will let you do that, is just that she’s...” I didn’t finish the sentence, just pointed to the flight attendant offering dinner.

“Oh, sorry” he said flashing her a smile that probably almost killed the poor woman. Yes, that’s Shawn Mendes effect.

We grabbed our trays, thanking her and placing them on the little table thing.

“Okay, keep going”

“Okay, and I’m sorry for everything I did you wrong, for example, not calling you on your birthday, just a quick text, but I just did that cause I was so ashamed of all of the things that I did to you, I almost didn’t come to this trip to not put any sort of pressure on you for forgiving me. But specially, the most important thing I should be apologizing for is for making you feel like you don’t mean the world to me and that you aren’t one of the most important women in my life, and I love you with my whole heart and I missed you like hell, and being away from you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my entire life. And I never want this to happen again. I’m sorry, Y/N, for everything”

I couldn’t breath. Really, all the air that was on my lungs simply disappeared. I just stared my shoes for what felt like a really long time.

“Honey? Y/N? Are you okay? Do you need me to leave?”

Oh, okay, it was a long time.

“Hm, Sorry, I’m just trying to, ya know, absorb everything”

“Okay” he said stating the back of the seat in front of him.

“Hey” I said placing my hand on his thigh squeezing it lightly “it’s okay, big guy, I’m not mad at you, I love you too, and it’s okay, I just figured we were going through different times in life and stuff... but it’s okay”

“It shouldn’t be, you should hate me”

“Not really, but I just can’t” I said and he placed his hand on top of mine.

“I love you so much, Y/N”

“You’re my best friend, dude, you kinda have to”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s it” he said sighing.

“Isn’t it?”

“Of course it is, honey”

“Good, now can we eat? I’m starving” I said and he giggled.

“Yes, we can, Y/N”

After that, we chose a movie and started watching it. His hand made a discreet way to my knee, and I just looked at it, but didn’t say a word. The movie was a random rom-com movie and I can say it was starting to get boring, but since people around us were falling back asleep, we didn’t have much to do. I felt his fingers starting to come higher on my leg, stopping in the middle of my thigh.

“Shawn?”

“Hmm?”

“What are you doing?”

“Watching the movie”

“Hm, yeah?”

“Yup” he said popping the ‘P’.

“What’s the name of the main character?”

“Susan?”

“Yeah, you’re such a bad liar, where are you, big guy?”

“M’here”

“No, you’re not”

“I’m just... enjoying you...r company” he said tracing random figures with the pad of his thumb “I really missed you”

“What do you mean?”

“I just feel the need to touch you”

“Well, you are”

“I know”

“Do you mind?”

“Not really”

“Okay” he said squeezing my thigh and than grabbing both of them and putting them over his lap, pulling me even closer.

“Dear?” Karen called making us both jump in our seats “oh, sorry, didn’t mean to scary you”

“It’s okay” I said chucking and trying to take my legs from Shawn’s lap, but he wouldn’t let me move “what happened?”

“Nothing, I was just going to the bathroom and wanted to check on you guys on the way back, do you need anything?”

“We’re fine, mom, I think we can handle this”

“I know you do, sweetheart, doesn’t mean I don’t get worried”

“Well, everything’s great, Karen, thank you” I said giving her a smile, which she gave back.

“Okay, I’ll just go back to my seat, we have another two hours” she said going away.

“Shit, she scared me” I said and Shawn laughed “shhh”

“Oh shit, sorry”

“It’s okay, dummy”

And that’s pretty much how we spent the rest of the flight, laughing, talking and watching that movie.

                                                         -*-

A few hours later, we were already at the hotel, checked in and heading to our floors. Both of our parents were at the same floor. Me, Shawn, Flo and Liyah were almost at the top, both of our sisters were in the same room at the left of the hall, and me and Shawn were to the right, but each one in one room.

Five minutes after I closed the door, someone knocked on it, so I turned around and opened it. Shawn was standing awkwardly in the middle of the hall scratching the back of his neck.

“Yes? Can I help you?”

“Hm, nope, I thought maybe you needed some, with the bag and stuff”

“Well, I didn’t even take a look at the view, so I guess maybe? Well, you can come in, I don’t think I’ll be sleeping any time soon, we slept a lot during the flight”

“Yeah, exactly... so, where do you want me to place your bag?” He asked stepping into my room.

“Hm, there?” I said pointing to a random corner of the room and going to the balcony, opening the doors and heading outside, just staring at the view of the Eiffel Tower.

“Holy shit” Shawn mumbled behind me.

“Yeah, it’s so... magical”

“Mhmm” he said standing by my side “we’re lucky we both got his view”

“Really?”

“My room is right next door”

“Is it?”

“Yeah, I think we even have a door between them”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like that, Mendes”

“What do you mean?” He said flushing hard under the moonlight, making those stupid butterflies appear again, making me remember everything I’ve ever felt for him “honey?” He called making ME flush for being caught staring at him.

“Oh, shit, sorry, well, you always like to scare me randomly and stuff, so that would make things a lot easier”

“Do you think I’m twelve?”

“No, of course not, big guy, I’m 100% sure”

“Oh, please” he said rolling his eyes at me playfully and chuckling “let me check that door thing again”

I just laughed as he walked back to the room. I just leaned on the balcony railing, enjoying the view and the light breeze from the cold night, that was giving me light goosebumps. And for a second, just a little moment, I allowed myself to imagine what would be like to have something with Shawn. I mean, I’ve done that a lot when I was younger and stuff, but nowadays I just don’t allow myself to do that, not anymore.

But being with him would probably be amazing. He always do this thing where he just puts his whole heart into everything he does, especially when he loves it. So just imagine being with someone so passionate, and caring, and kind, and sweet, and smart, and hot as him. I just can’t see any bad points in it.

“What’s going on on that pretty little head of yours, honey?” Shawn said lowly next to my ear, making my heart skip a beat and almost die.

You see, I wouldn’t mind the closeness and stuff, cause that guy has no idea of what personal space means. BUT, I would always see it coming and prepare myself to not freak out. But I did not see him coming, and did not expect him to be right behind me, close enough so that I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck, since I was with my hair in a messy bun. His hands grabbed the railing in front of me, standing beside mine. Shit, he’s close.

“Nothing”

“Mhmmm, I don’t believe you” he said pressing his lips gently on my skin, making me bite me bottom lip to hold back a whimper.

“I... it’s nothing”

“See, it is something” he said rubbing the tip of his nose against the extension of my neck “I know you, baby, just tell me”

“I was just thinking how this trip would be a perfect scenario for me to be with someone... you know... romantically involved with someone”

“Oh” he said and I could feel his arms tensioning around me “anyone in particular?”

“Hm?” I said playing with my fingers but I felt one of his hands on my waist, turning me around to face him, but I just couldn’t, so I stared at our feet.

“So...? Anyone?”

“Oh, shit, sorry, no... not a single soul in particular, no one, no”

“Sure?”

“Yeah, sure”

“Yeah, don’t believe you right now, but I think I’m going back to my room to let you rest, you seem really tired”

“Do I?”

“Yes, you can’t seem to concentrate on what I’m saying, and you were staring at nothing in particular when I got here, so I guess you’re just tired”

“Yeah, that’s probably it”

“So... let’s go back inside?”

“Mhmmm”

“Honey?”

“Hm?” I mumbled looking up for the first time since he turned me around, and I regretted it almost instantaneously, why did he have to look so fucking good? And than he smiled, making me feel like my legs were turning into jello, making me grab his arms for support.

“Do you want me to carry you to bed?”

“I need to take a shower first”

“Okay, let’s do it like this, I’ll take you to the bathroom and I’ll let you shower and I’ll leave the door between our bedrooms open, so I can shower and come back before you, than I’ll tuck you in bed and go back to my room, okay? Sounds nice?”

“You’re perfect” I said without thinking and than flushing, because I noticed what just left my mouth.

He just chuckled wrapping his arms around my middle, taking me off the ground and to the bathroom, placing me on top of the sink. He went back to the room and returned a few moments later with my PJs, my shower bag and my bag of underwear.

“I’ll leave you to shower and stuff, and whenever you’re ready, I’ll be waiting for you in your room, okay, honey?”

“Okay” I basically whispered and he smiled, placing a delicate kiss on my forehead before leaving.

I just hopped off the counter top and locked the door, stepping into the shower a few moments later. A nice steaming hot shower later, I had my hair in a messy ponytail, makeup free face, lotion on my body, fuzzy socks and sweats on, and with that, I stepped out of the bathroom only to die a little more.

The room was already dark, only with the tv on, my things were nicely organized on the nightstand or on top of the suitcase, and Shawn... He was laying in the middle of my bed, with his curls a little damp, wearing his flannel plants and hoodie, barefoot, scrolling through some social media, oh so casually. God, he’s going to kill me without even trying.

“Hi” I said in a really soft tone, softer than I intended.

“Oh, hi, honey, are you ready for bed?” He asked and I just nodded “c’mere” he said opening his arms for me and I just crawled into bed with him, getting lost in the warmth of his body and scent.

“You’re the most caring person I’ve ever met”

“Thank you, I truly try to be”

“I know, and you are, and I love you”

“I love you too, Y/N, you have no idea”

Oh, I do.

“Thank you, for everything”

“You don’t have to thank me... but I won’t turn this into a discussion, so... what time are we getting up tomorrow?”

“Dunno, what time is it?”

“A quarter past midnight”

“8:30? So we can be downstairs at 9 am for breakfast? They said they’re going to leave the hotel at ten o’clock sharp so if we do this, we’ll have time”

“Yeah, that’s nice, but since I’ve been to Paris before, if you wanna do something separate or something they don’t want to, just tell me, and I’ll take you anywhere”

“Okay, great to know I have my own tourist guide” I said between a yawn and he chuckled.

“Okay, I really need to let you sleep” he said letting go of me and getting up, straightening the duvet on top of me and kissing my forehead “goodnight, honey, knock if you need me, okay?”

I nodded and held his hand.

“What, baby?”

“Thank you, for apologizing and making up for it, I missed you too” I said and he gave me a half smile.

“I’m still on the process, I hope someday I’ll be able to make it up to you”

“You already have... I... goodnight, Shawn” I said nuzzling on my pillow and letting go of his hand, but not before squeezing it lightly.

“Goodnight, Y/N” he said almost like a whisper as he left the room and I let the slumber take over me.

                                                         -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I'll know if I'm supposed to keep posting this series thing.

*I'm sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo*

-🌙

[mixxbox]

My tics have evolved into self destructive behavior, but I’m afraid of seeking help.

TLDR: Been hiding my mental health problems from my friends and family all my life. Thought it’ll go away with age but instead it’s starting to affect my daily functioning and possibly health. Triggers are all around me now because I’m back home due to COVID, but I won’t be able to seek help for a while.

I bite off and swallow the skin inside of my cheek. I know that sounds gross. I know it’s not normal. But I do. I jump- well, I guess the better description would be that I jerk my legs and feet by pushing in on the ground. I don’t want to, but I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember. The childhood videos my parents have of me (~5years old) even shows little me standing among my peers on a stage during a Christmas recital, jumping. I also smash my laptop keys or my phone screen 7 times spontaneously with the side of my hand in a specific rhythm. And I repeat this until the impulses quiet down and I gain control of my body again. If I restrain and try to not do it, well... imagine that feeling that you get when you want to sneeze, or pick a scab, or cough... imagine that uncomfortable squirmy feeling at its maximum power persisting and not going away until you bite, jump, or tap. 7 times. In a rhythm your brain chemicals write for you.

And that’s only the tip of the iceberg. But nobody knows it. Surprising, right? You’d think if you were next to me you’d be able to spot the tics instantly. But over the years I’ve learned to master the art of biting my tongue, pinching my stomach... basically turning to high-stress behavior that won’t be noticed by anyone else in place of these “noticeable” abnormal activities. And I highly accredit that to my old-schooled, Asian-minded parents who thought the best way to deal with their “broken” daughter was by calling her mental and threatening to send her to the hospital with the “real sick-o’s”. Yes it discouraged her from jumping up like a wack-a-mole in a group of people. She didn’t go banging on the lockers as drums at school scaring all her peers away. But they don’t know about the scabs on her body from 22 long years of suppressing the demons inside. 

I know I should seek help. Please don’t just write “you should seek some professional help” in the comments because it’s n o t that simple. The reason I tell myself that I’m not ready to seek help is due to financial reasons. But truthfully, I know I’m afraid of seeking help. Trust me.. I’ve done more than my fair share of self diagnosing and I’m pretty confident I know what’s wrong. But hearing from the medical professional... that’ll only validate that there’s truly something wrong with me. And I’m scared. I’d rather believe that I’m the dumb idiot for struggling with things no one else struggles with than have it confirmed by a credible individual that I was born imperfect. I need to be perfect, or as close to it as I can be. First born of a first gen immigrant family, went to a prestigious school, with lots of people who look up at me and at me a certain way. Deep inside I know I’m not who they think I am, and the dichotomy drives me insane.

I’m not sure how to deal with this. I thought it’ll go away as I get older, and sure, my mom doesn’t call me broken anymore (she doesn’t know issues still exist) but it’s beginning to infiltrate my every day functioning. If I sit absolutely still without doing anything for more than a minute, my mind goes insane. It’s never quiet up there.. My mind alone could probably beat the record for talking about the most random things for the longest time. I get anxious for not doing anything but at the same time get fixated on some useless time wasting activity (anything task-focused such as specific games, hitting a certain amount of likes on social media, etc) and my brain absolutely refuses to do anything else until that task or goal is met. And after that goal is met I get stressed that I wasted all that time not doing the things I needed to get done. And with the stress the tics are triggered and I sit there biting. Jumping. Tapping. Procrastination is getting out of control. I’ve survived school until now by being trapped into this loop until around 2AM, and finishing my day’s homework and studying from 2-5AM. Sleep until 8AM. Have been doing that since middle school. Pretty sure the lack of sleep killed half my brain cells. But that won’t stop me because I have no idea how else to deal with this and be a functioning human being. 

I had a mentor/friend back in college who I confided in and he was going to introduce me to a specialist he knows. I’ll seek help eventually through him, but for now I’m stuck home far from college with my parents because of COVID. I don’t want to talk with my parents about it until I get a diagnosis or something. Please don’t bash on them though! They’re amazing people but mental health is pretty foreign to them granted I’m from an area where it isn’t spoken fondly about and they didn’t know what else to do than scold me for my “wrongdoings”.

If anyone knows any supportive communities online or other resources.. I would gladly take any. I’m not depressed nor suicidal. Quite a high functioning student at a great uni admittedly. But I really wanted to get this out of my system because I have nowhere else to confide and felt like a little part of me is beginning to rot because of it. Thanks for reading! 😊

-08.25.2020

[jreed3842]

Hello everyone! I did it again! I commissioned this amazing artist @cniska​ to bring to life another D&D Character of mine!  

This art, just like the one previously, was done by an amazing artist named Courtney. Her website for commissions is here: https://www.cniskala.com/commissions I highly recommend her! She is so easy to work with and her work is INCREDIBLE! Please consider commissioning her. You will not be disappointed! :D

Since I base all of my D&D Characters off of Disney Princesses, this one is based off of Rapunzel!

::Backstory below Keep Reading::

This is A’zen! He is an Elf Life Cleric. First of all. He is right around 1,800 years old. At a young age he was blessed by the Gods (you can see his holy symbol in this picture. He wears it as a necklace, it is a solidified ray of sunlight!) with incredible healing capabilities. The Gods took note of his intense urge to help and heal those around him just out of the kindness of his heart. A King in a nearby Kingdom took note of A’zen’s powerful healing and invited him to come live in the castle. The King owned these hot springs just behind the castle, and using A’zen’s healing powers, he infused the hot springs with healing magic. These springs could reverse aging, and cure wounds and diseases instantly. The Hot Springs were open to all who needed them, and A’zen loved knowing that he was helping others. Each Summer Solstice, when his powers were at his highest, the King would read from the ancient scrolls from the God’s and ignite A’zen’s power and would infuse the Hot Springs with magic for another year. Since A’zen and the King visited the Hot Springs almost daily, both of them ceased to age. Nearly a thousand years pass, and unbeknownst to A’zen, the King had been allowing those desperate for healing to use the Hot Spring, but then charge an insane amount of money. When the debt could not be repaid the King would seize their property and they would end up homeless, and often times died.

A’zen, completely unaware what has been happening, ventures out into the Kingdom and learns how the King has been abusing his power. Furious that the King is using his powers for personal gain, he sneaks in and grabs the scrolls of the God’s and his holy symbol and runs away from the castle. This is where the campaign would start for him. Venturing out on his own, trying to escape the pursuit of the King, while looking to help and heal people along the way.

I almost played a Life Cleric as my very first D&D Character, but went with Druid instead. So I am really, really excited to play a Life Cleric .... that is... whenever I get a chance to join another campaign. Lol.

[thesevenseraphs]

Bungie Weekly Update - 3/5/20

This Week at Bungie, we prepare for the worthy. We’re just five short sleeps from Season of the Worthy. Last week, you completed the Empyrean Foundation event, lighting a beacon for Guardians to follow back to the Lighthouse and Trials of Osiris. On Tuesday, we unveiled Season of the Worthy all up. If you haven’t seen the trailer, there is a new threat for you to confront.

Bungie.net also has a dedicated page for the new Season, jam-packed with information to get you up to speed before next Tuesday’s launch.

Before we get started with the rest of the TWAB, I wanted to take a quick moment to highlight another blog post that went live earlier today. In response to the COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak, our teams have been working hard to build out an infrastructure that would enable Bungie employees to support Destiny 2, and the impending Season 10 release, safely from remote locations. Season of the Worthy is still planned to release on March 10, followed by the return of Trials of Osiris on March 13. While there is a possibility that this change could affect our patching cadence in the short term, we will be sure to keep players informed about those schedules as much as possible. Stay tuned to @Bungie and @BungieHelp for any future updates.

Now, we have some housekeeping to do before we arm an ancient Warmind. Let’s get to it.

#TRIALSRETURNS

Moments after the announcement that Trials of Osiris would return with Season of the Worthy, we witnessed numerous Guardians sharing their favorite memories from this beloved corner of the PvP endgame. Moments of spectacle, joy, heartbreak, insanity, and everything in between. Trials of Osiris was the source of some awesome community highlights—a thing that some of our newer Guardians may have yet to experience. We’d love to see more of your stories and bring them into the scene.

Using the hashtag #TrialsReturns, share your favorite clips from Destiny 1’s Trials of Osiris. You can post them to Twitter, upload them to YouTube, and even post them to our Community Creations page. We’ll round up our favorites to be featured in next week’s TWAB.

If your video is selected, you and your fireteam will take home a Movie of the Week emblem. Make sure to include links to the Bungie.net profiles of every team member.

POWER GAINS

With each new Season, you’re faced with new challenges that require a bit of Power acquisition to take on. In Season of Worthy, you’ll be challenged in not only Trials of Osiris, but in Legendary Lost Sectors and Grandmaster Nightfalls. Here’s a quick update from the Dev team on what’s changing on day-one, and what our plans are for a mid-season update:

Dev team: We’re raising the ‘cap’ for gear drops 40 points—powerful gear will now drop up to 1000, with pinnacle drops going up to 1010. The soft cap has also been effectively raised 50 points. Gear drops from nearly all sources will continue to be upgrades until 950 Power, and powerful reward sources will not be required to progress to 950. We’re looking to present an element of gear progression available each Season, as well as prepare underlying systems for future updates like the forthcoming one for Legendary weapons mentioned by Luke Smith in the Director’s Cut ‘Weapons Forever’ section.

We’re also looking to make some quality of life updates in the pinnacle band. Starting in 2.8.1. (coming mid-Season), we’ll be upgrading some existing powerful rewards to pinnacle rewards. These are the weekly Crucible, Strike, and Gambit challenges, as well as the weekly clan engram. With this change, we want to increase the total number of pinnacle power sources in the game, broaden pinnacle drop access, as well as increase the pools of items that can drop in the pinnacle band.

Slot imbalances can also affect pinnacle progression. When we say slot imbalance, this could be explained as those times you have a chest piece drop from pinnacle sources a few times in a row. We’ve been looking at player feedback for some time, and are investigating a few approaches to the problem space. We’re looking to have an update on that at a later date. Until then, we hope the additional sources will help you on your climb.

While we have the Dev team here, they also wanted to give an update on Artifact Power for Trials of Osiris.

Dev team: With Trials just around the corner, we wanted to address the “Artifact Power problem” as quickly as we could. As Luke said last week, our short-term fix is to disable the Artifact's Power bonus while in Trials and Iron Banner. Unfortunately, Season of the Worthy has already been released for certification, so we won't be able to disable the Artifact's Power for the first Trials weekend. We have the fix in-house to disable it and are testing it this week, and hope to deploy it on Tuesday, March 17. We really wish we could have gotten it in for the launch weekend, but we also expect the first Trials weekend to be the one impacted by the Artifact the least. Players will have much less time to increase their Artifact Power, so the majority will be close to each other outside of Pinnacle drops. Our long-term plan is to enable a Power cap for Trials and Iron Banner and we're investigating the work required for this. This will roll out no earlier than midway through Season of the Worthy, but we don't have a firm date yet—we'll make sure to communicate it when we do! We also plan to look at the damage curves for Power-enabled PvP modes to determine what, if any, adjustments should be made. Assuming we discover it’s necessary, the timeline for a change is still TBD. With both changes, we plan to provide more detailed write-ups before they go live, explaining the details of the change and the design philosophy behind why we are making those decisions.

Just for clarity, I'll echo Luke's statement from last week: we're going to disable the Artifact Power bonus in Trials and Iron Banner until we can implement a new Power cap system for those playlists. I hope you all enjoy Season of the Worthy, and may your run to the Lighthouse be swift and merciless.

SEASON OF THE WORTHY: EVERVERSE UPDATE

With the turn of each Season, we hope to keep players up to date on how the Eververse Store is evolving. This Season, we have a few changes concerning Bright Engrams, and a new path to directly purchasing some previously featured Eververse items.

Bright Engrams

In Season of the Worthy, Bright Engrams will no longer be available for purchase from the Eververse Store. As said in the February 2020 Director’s Cut:

“We want players to know what something costs before they buy it. Bright Engrams don’t live up to that principle so we will no longer be selling them on the Eververse Store, though they will still appear on the Free Track of the Season Pass.”

This Season, we are continuing to focusing our efforts on direct purchasing through the Eververse Store.

Daily Rotation of Returning Items

In the place of Bright Engrams, a new module will become available on the Eververse Store starting in Season of the Worthy. This daily-rotating module will feature one item from a small selection of ships, Sparrows, Ghosts, and finishers that were offered in previous Seasons. These items will be available to purchase directly for Silver at a discount from the original price.

Aside from these changes, there aren’t any other major shifts coming for Eververse. We’ll be monitoring the conversation through launch and beyond, and will be sure to update you before any large changes come. Here’s a quick preview of some upcoming items coming with Season of the Worthy:

THE FINAL PREVIEW (OF PATCH NOTES)

Over the last few weeks, we’ve been giving some previews how your sandbox will be evolving in Season of the Worthy. Not just weapon tuning, but the ability to change the Elemental Affinity on your armor pieces. This week, we’ll be taking a wider look at Destiny 2 Update 2.8.0. Exotic armor tuning for PvE and PvP, UI updates, bug fixes, and more…

Exotic Armor

Hunter

Assassin's Cowl

The invisibility and healing effect now triggers on powered melee (both against combatants and Guardians) and finishers.

The duration of the invisibility granted by this Exotic increases based on the tier of the enemy defeated.

Arc Staff kills no longer activate this perk.

FROST-EE5

Changed the ability regeneration so that it no longer stacks multiplicatively with other class ability energy-generating perks.

Khepri's Sting

All smoke bombs deal 150% damage while wearing this Exotic.

Orpheus Rig

The maximum amount of Super you can regain from this Exotic with a single use of Shadowshot is 50%.

Young Ahamkara's Spine

Increases the explosion radius for Tripmines by 14%.

Titan

Ashen Wake

Killing an enemy with a Fusion Grenade while wearing this Exotic now refunds grenade energy. The amount of grenade energy refunded scales based on the tier of enemy killed.

Anteus Wards

The shield created during a slide no longer allows chip damage through.

Doomfang Pauldrons

Fixed a bug where Doomfang Pauldrons would sometimes grant Super energy from melee kills while in your Super.

Dunemarchers

Increase the radius of the static charge to 20 meters, up from 12.

Mk. 44 Stand Asides

Reduced the delay from the start of sprinting until the overshield comes in to 0.5 seconds, down from 1.25.

One-Eyed Mask

The target marking from this Exotic has been replaced with target highlighting, eliminating the ability to detect targets through walls.

No longer provides a damage bonus when defeating your marked target.

Restored the previous overshield granted by defeating your marked target, which now has a duration of 6 seconds, down from 8.

Severance Enclosure

The explosion now triggers on powered melee (both against combatants and Guardians) and finishers.

The radius and damage of the explosion created by this Exotic increases based on the tier of the enemy defeated.

Warlock

Apotheosis Veil

This Exotic is now guaranteed to drop with a minimum +16 to Intellect.

Contraverse Hold

Reduced the damage reduction granted by this Exotic to 20%, down from 40%.

Sanguine Alchemy

Sanguine Alchemy has received a complete redesign. Its new perk, Blood Magic, allows the wearer to pause the countdown timer of any Rift they are standing in by getting weapon kills, extending the Rift's duration.

Ophidian Aspects

Now increases the lunge range of all Warlock melee attacks, even if the ability is on cooldown.

Verity's Brow

The buff provided by this Exotic now increases your grenade damage by 10% per stack.

The buff to allies' grenade recharge rates now kicks in when you cast your grenade.

This Exotic now provides a buff text notification indicating how many allies are currently benefiting from your increased grenade recharge.

Investment

Legendary Engrams

Increased the number of armor sets available from world drops to 11 sets, up from 3.

This will include Faction Rally armor. Players who own previous Faction Rally Ornaments may apply them to these sets.

Several sets that were previously unavailable or extremely difficult to acquire are now available as world drops.

Armor Stats

Prime Engrams will now more reliably drop armor with higher overall stat rolls and spikier distributions.

Exotic armor will now more reliably drop with higher overall stat rolls.

Legendary armor now has an improved chance of receiving higher overall stat rolls, though low rolls will still be present.

User Interface

The Settings screen UI layout on consoles has changed to match the experience on PC, allowing for future updates.

Added the ability to change the color of the reticle on consoles.

Players can choose from seven different colors, matching PC.

Added hint text during loading screens.

Added comma separators to the Glimmer count in the loot stream.

No longer keeps me awake at night.

Added categories to the Quests screen.

Quest items will now be automatically filtered to any of the seven categories:

New Light

Note: This category will hide if there are no active New Light quests in the character's inventory.

All Quests

Shadowkeep

Seasonal

Playlists

Exotics

The Past

Performance

Fixed UI stuttering and framerate drops when loading or applying mods.

Improved framerate in Gambit and Gambit Prime.

Fixed framerate issues during the Sanctified Mind encounter of the Garden of Salvation raid.

Fixed framerate issues in the Pit of Heresy dungeon, specifically in tunnel encounters.

Fixed stutter at high framerate on PC.

General improvements to performance on PC when a lot of debris is on the ground.

While this list is pretty lengthy, we’ll have more patch notes to share with you next Tuesday around 9 AM PDT, an hour before Season of the Worthy begins.

Some of you may be asking, “Wait, 10 AM? Don’t patches usually ship at 9 AM?” Daylight Saving Time begins on Sunday, March 8. If your region takes part in jumping forward, your weekly reset time will be an hour later than you’re used to. More information from the Player Support team below.

Before we dive headfirst into Season of the Worthy, we have a patch to ship. Destiny Player Support has your itinerary in hand, and a quick list of some resolved issues.

A NEW SEASON

Next week, Season of Dawn ends and Season of the Worthy kicks off with the release of Destiny 2 Update 2.8.0. Please see below for the rollout timeline.

8 AM PDT (1500 UTC): Destiny service maintenance begins.

8:45 AM PDT (1545 UTC): Destiny 2 is taken offline on all platforms.

9 AM PDT (1600 UTC): Destiny 2 Update 2.8.0 begins rolling out across all platforms and regions. Players will be able to log back into Destiny 2 at 10:01 AM PDT.

10:01 AM PDT (1701 UTC): Destiny 2 is back online on all platforms; Season of The Worthy begins.

12 PM PDT (1900 UTC): Destiny service maintenance concludes

For future release timelines when they are available, players should visit our Destiny Server and Update Status help article. For live updates as this maintenance occurs, players should follow @BungieHelp on Twitter or monitor our support feed at help.bungie.net. UPCOMING RESOLVED ISSUES, PT. 2Below is a continuation of a list of issues that will be resolved when Season of the Worthy and Update 2.8.0 become available on March 10:

Hunter’s Tempest Strike melee ability can now be performed when using PC controls where Sprint is set to "Hold."

Character subclasses with ranged melee abilities will now count towards Melee Kill bounties and Triumphs. These include Titan Hammer Throw, Hunter Throwing Knives and Corrosive Smoke Bomb, and Warlock Celestial Fire and Ball Lightning.

The Fastidious Miser Triumph will now correctly progress and complete for players who've found all 30 Ascendant Chests across the three Curse Weeks in the Dreaming City, and have claimed those corresponding Triumphs.

Weekly Strike bounties for Hive and Vex boss kills will now award progress to players for killing Savathûn's Song, Xol, and Dendron the Root Mind.

While Update 2.8.0 is released to the world, Destiny Player Support will be on standby in the #Help forum, ready to assist anyone who is experiencing issues.

[fernrisulfr]

Digimon ReArise Review

I realize I don’t post a lot of my reviews on tumblr, usually just to steam, but this is about Digimon, and I have opinions on Digimon. Especially after how terrible Digimon Links was. I’ll break this review into parts, making comments on the various activities and mechanics in the game, as well of course comments on the Digimon themselves. 

STORY: First off there’s the fact that there is an actual story, a massive improvement over Links which honestly had nothing, or at least so little it may as well have BEEN nothing. While the story itself isn’t anything as complex or indepth as FGO or Gran Blue, it is still quite enjoyable. It has a straight forward episodic nature, mixing cutscenes with blurbs/text bubbles that show up in the middle of actual combat. While the story itself may be simplistic, it’s suits the Digimon Franchise, and is in a lot of ways much like playing through an Episode of the various Television Series. While in truth the story may actually have been better suited TO the Television Series, and keeps the aspect of Episode Titles giving away when Story Relevant Digimon are going to Digivolve, it’s still good.  VORTEX: The Vortex’s are the main sources for farming materials uses for Awakenings, as well as Food Items to raise your Digimon’s Bond. They’re reminiscent of Dailies, while being on a much shorter timer. Though it seems like recently they lengthened the timer from 4 hours to 7. In general they’re fairly easy and after a point you can simply autobattle your way through them, but it does remove the strain of farming materials, as it makes it easier to multitask.  CLASH: Essentially these are Raid Battles designed to be beaten by Multiple Players. They come in multiple levels so it’s possible for even the lowest level player to reasonably participate. Only the Top 3 Damage Dealers and the Spotter (person who found/started the Clash) gain additional rewards, so it’s easy for weaker players to farm things out enmasse even if they don’t deal much damage. Along with dropping materials necessary for Digivolution, Clash Battles also drop a currency called Clash Medals, which can be spent in a shop. Clash Medals can be spent on Rare Plugins (Equipment) or on additional Digivolution Materials.  BATTLE PARK: The Battle Park is ReArise’s version of PvP. A single “season” lasts for 1 week before resetting. Battle Park Stamina is separate from regular stamina, so it’s only possible to compete in about 5 battles in a row before needing to wait and recharge. The Battle Park itself rewards both BP Medals which can be used to buy DigiEggs (and later Rare Plugins I’ve heard) as well as DigiRubies (Paid Gacha and Shop Currency.).The Battle Park itself is honestly insanely broken. It divides players into Ranks, and once you gain enough points you’re able to participate in a “Promotion Battle” allowing you to rise to the next rank. However once you’ve advanced in Rank, you cannot drop to a lower rank. This is a problem because it means it’s very easy for a Player to pass the Promotion Battle, and then find themselves in a Rank they’re not yet ready for, causing them to constantly lose. In addition, the Promotion Battle becomes Mandatory once you’ve gained enough points. You HAVE to do it, and you can’t ignore it without ignoring the Battle Park entirely. Adding to the problem is that “Season Rewards/Rank” are determined by how many points you gain in battle over the course of the week, however as you climb to higher ranks and begin to win less and lose more, it becomes next to impossible to obtain higher rewards without going out of your way to pay for more stamina and heavily grind at the Battle Park. As well, and this will be mentioned again quite soon, Status Effects are tremendously broken in PvP. Particularly Stun, Shock, Paralysis, Sleep, and Skill Lock. Each Status Condition states that it lasts for “2 turns” or a similarly short duration. However a “Turn” is so long that in this time that your Digimon is Immobilized, your own Team is likely to be decimated unless you have a significant level advantage over your opponent. They’re incredibly unbalanced and overpowered.  UNDERWORLD: The Underworld is interesting in concept. It’s a series of “floors” separate from the Main Story and Vortexes. Each floor can only be played once, and will give a variety of great rewards such as High Tier Plugins, DigiEggs, Gacha Currency, and Store Items. They’re intended to be Post-Game/After-Story Challenge Quests intended for High Level Players. Which is great. However in reality they only showcase the problem I mentioned with Status Effects all the more clearly. With the encounter itself set to Max Level, enemy party combinations are often set to spam Status Effects, particularly those that hit the entire party and are capable of immobilizing multiple members. Unless you have a Digimon that is immune to or heals the status effect your utterly screwed, and even if you DO, there’s a good chance you’re screwed anyway because in the case of a healer there’s a 50% chance they’ll be immobilized, preventing them from healing anyone/removing the status effect, and even if they do succeed there’s a good chance it’s just going to happen again. If you have Digimon that are Immune, it better be over half the party worth, or you’re likely to lose purely based on numbers. 

Now then, let’s take a step back and lok at the DigiTown as well as various other in-game mechanics.  The main screen for Digimon ReArise is the DigiTown, a customize-able space that you can decorate, and watch your Digimon run around in. From this area you can reach the various menus (of which there are a lot.), as well as feed your Digimon to raise their Bond. Which brings me to the Four things you must do in order to make a Digimon strong. BOND: A numerical representation of your Digimon’s happiness, trust, and faith in you. You can raise it either by bringing a Digimon with you into battle, assigning them as your Partner Digimon, or by feeding them Food Items in the DigiTown. Required to perform Awakenings and Digivolution. Honestly I like it in concept, but not strictly execution. It doesn’t have a huge overarching effect (though feeding Digimon also improves their Mood and allows them to make Critical Hits more easily), and ultimately it ends up just being another number we need to raise and grind for.  LEVEL: Sort of self-explanatory for the average player. Level is a representation of their over all power. The higher their level, the higher their stats. Can be raised by spending “bits”, the in-game currency gained from battles. A certain level is required both for Awakenings and Digivolution, both of which also happen to raise the level cap. WORK-OUT & AWAKENING: It is possible to “train” your Digimon using various Work-Out Chips obtained from Story Quests and Vortexes. Letting a Digimon Work-Out raises individual stats, and once all Work-Outs have been completed, and the additiional requirements of Level & Bond have been met, it’s possible to Awaken a Digimon. Awakening a Digimon further raises their stats (more significantly than the individual workouts), and raises the level cap. I compare it in some regards to Ascension in FGO, however it happens much more frequently, requiring more time and materials, as well as sharing the role with Digivoltion. Speaking of. DIGIVOLUTION: Requires the Digimon to be at a certain amount of Level and Bond. Allows the Digimon to reach the next, more powerful, stage. Raises their stats significantly, as well as boosting the power of their Main and Sub Skill. Naturally this also changes their appearance. A noteable thing is that while all Digimon can reach the stage of Ultimate, only SOME Digimon can get all the way to Mega, usually requiring you to roll in a paid Gacha, or get really lucky with a Digi-Egg.  Alongside the above, other ways to make a Digimon Stronger are to raise their skill level (to a maximum of 10) or Equip Plugins. To raise a Skill Level you simply need to combine them with a Digimon with the same Digivolution Tree. This means that they have to have the same Rookie, Champion, and Ultimate Stage, and that Mega Digimon can only be combined with Digimon that can also reach Mega. Plugins are Equipment that can be sorted into Offensive, Defensive, and Status Effect. At max level you can equip 2 of each, for a total of 6 Plugins. Plugins, simply enough, raise various stats. They can be obtained as drops in Story Quests and the Underworld, bought in various currency shops, or obtained in the Gacha (More on this latter.). Plugins can also be combined together to increase their stat bonuses.   Next we have the game’s “Social” aspects and a shameless plug from myself.

GUILDS: DigiGuilds are in a lot of ways like a second Friends-list, giving you another list of people you can invite to raids, or call on for support in battle. Joining a Guild also gives you access to a second DigiEgg Incubator, allowing you to raise 2 DigiEggs at the same time, as well as request help from Guild Members to ease the burden of hatching and raising it. The Guild also provides additional rewards to reap. Once a day Players can enter their Guild Page, and by clicking “Support” (or Support All) will receive additional Stamina for each member of the guild, which can be great while farming. As well by “Checking In” the ENTIRE Guild will receive a Reward based on the number of Members who checked in during a 24 hour period. The more members, the better the Rewards.  Shameless Plug: Featured above is my own Guild “Menagerie” (Because “Phenomenal Menagerie Souffle” was too long.). If you play Digimon ReArise or this post convinces you to play Digimon ReArise, consider joining! If you do, please remember to Support and Check-in! FRIENDSLIST: The Friends-list like in most Mobile Games, is a list of other Players whom you’ve made (or accepted from) a friends request. Players on your Friendslist can be called for Support in regular battles, or send a help request for a Clash Battle. In addition they serve as a source of “Social Points” which can be earned by Greeting Players once a day (Button located in your Friendslist), by those players Greeting you, and by other players using your Digimon for Support in Battle. Social Points can be spent in a Shop to purchase new Decor items for the DigiTown, or Food. In addition they can be used in a Free Plugins Gacha.  Speaking of the Gacha!

That’s our next topic on this painfully long review.  GACHA: There are several types of Gacha in Digimon ReArise. The Limited Summon Gacha, the Step-up Summon Gacha, various Plugins Gacha, and the Social Points Plugins Gacha. Every Gacha besides the Social Points Plugins Gacha, costs DigiRubies, the Paid Gacha Currency of the game. There is no “free” Gacha for Digimon unfortunately, however I have found that DigiRubies (especially early on) are fairly easy to earn for free early on. So it’s not all bad. Additionally you can also gain new Digimon by hatching DigiEggs, which can be obtained in Shops, from Events, and from certain floors of the Underworld.  SUMMON GACHA: A pretty standard Gacha. Comes in x1 or x10 (+1). Put in DigiRubies and a Random Digimon pops out. The Summon Rate of higher-tier Digimon is better when you roll x10 as opposed to x1. STEP-UP SUMMON: A Step-Up Summon Gacha is a Gacha that comes in steps. Ones I’ve seen have been 3-5 steps. The Price of each step is set, so there’s no x1 or x10. You roll it or you don’t. The Price and number of summons increases with each Step of the Gacha, but so does the Summon Rate of the available Digimon (so the higher the step the better your odds.). Additionally with each step you gain a Reward. At the Final/Highest Step you’ll get 1 Guaranteed Mega-Capable (Can digivolve to Mega) Digimon. Usually a specific Digimon associated with the Step-Up Summon. The Summon Rate increase will cap at the final step, but it is possible to roll the Final Step multiple times (However the Guaranteed Mega will only occur the 1st time you roll the final step.). PAID PLUGINS GACHA: Kinda says what it is on the tin here. You pay DigiRubies to roll for Plugins more powerful than what is generally going to drop from quest nodes. Comes in various types associated with your Digimon’s Personality Type, a concept I still don’t understand.  SOCIAL POINTS PLUGINS GACHA: Again sort of what it says on the tin. A Plugins Gacha, only instead of DigiRubies you spend Social Points, so it’s essentially free. Again drops better Plugins than you’re likely to get from farming quest nodes. 

Next we’ll cover the all important aspects. The Digimon themselves and Combat. DIGIMON: Digimon’s stats are pretty straight forward, split into HP, an Offensive Stat (PWR or TEC depending on the Digimon.), DEF, and SPD. Each Digimon has 3 Skills. A Passive Skill, usually some sort of Buff or Immunity. A Main Skill, which is an offensive Skill Unique to the Digimon themself (such as WarGreymon’s “Terra Force” as seen above), and a Sub-Skill, another Offensive or sometimes Supportive Skill which can be found across several Digimon. As noted before, only some Digimon can Digivolve all the way to Mega, but all can reach Ultimate. I don’t strictly agree with that decision, but I at least understand the reasoning behind it.  BATTLE: Combat in Digimon ReRaise involves a Party of 1 to 5 Digimon Vs 1-3 Waves of Enemies (each Wave in a group of 1-5). Players can chose to activiate Skills Manually, or set Combat to Auto and let the AI decide when to use them. Fights in both Main and Vortex Quests is incredibly easy, and often better left to Auto. If a player is looking for a fight that involves some form of Strategy you’re better off going for a Clash Battle, the Battle Park, or the Underworld (despite my complaints about the latter two.). One glaring fault with the Combat is the inability to select your Target. Who get’s hit by your skills is randomized, which can be a problem both in high difficulty quests, or when special requirements require you to hit the “Boss” with a particular kind of attack. 

Lastly we have the DigiWalker, a magnificent callback to the olden days of the Digivice Toys we used to violently shake up and down instead of actually walking with. The DigiWalker requires a Phone with a Pedometer Function, and access to said Function, but otherwise doesn’t require the game to actually be on. After a certain number of steps your Digimon will find items. When you accept those items they’re gain Bond Points.  Digimon ReArise is not without flaws, the most glaring of which is an excessive number of loading screens, but over all it’s a game I greatly enjoy, and one you can play entirely for free. I’ve been playing a month and haven’t spent a single cent, but still have 6 different Mega Digimon. Thank you for reading this Review, and I hope it was informative. 

[mystixxspirit]

   The level of fear, uncertainty, and anger we are currently facing is worse than the majority of us have experienced in our lifetimes, we are facing a global crisis not only physically, but also mentally, emotionally & spiritually. COVID-19 is wreaking havoc on every aspect of our existence and with every life that is claims, another dangling thread of hope diminishes entirely.  The collective is rapidly descending into chaos, with an array of absurd behaviors that on first glance, would, of course, make us assume the world is ending. Stockpiling toilet rolls, blasting Sally from next door all over social media because she's been out 3 times this week and never comes back with any shopping, being zonked on a screen 20 hours a day because "there's nothing better to do", making sure there is always have a shopping bag in your pocket when you go out for your daily exercise in fear of being questioned. 

   FEAR, one of the largest psychological factors we face in these unprecedented times, something so powerful, that when faced and embraced for what it is, can contribute unfathomably towards a heavenly shift in our own inner world & the world surrounding us. Now, let's quickly clear up what is meant here by FEAR; False Evidence Appearing Real, so for example; amongst many reasons, some people are pushed to panic buy because in some minds projection of the future essentials are going to 'run out', the virus will be so lethal we won't be able to keep shops operating, or simply put, things will never get better. Let's be brutally realistic, the probability of those things actually happening is incredibly slim.               

The world is not ending, however, the threats we are facing are still very real, dangerous and well yes, they are extremely frightening. However, our downfall as a society will be our inability to distinguish against rational fright; a reaction to the chaos we are faced with and; an illusion presenting itself as a threat. I'm not saying this pandemic is an illusion and we do not need to take precaution to protect those at risk, neither am I trying to downplay the severity of the situation,  I'm merely trying to bring attention to the invisible FEAR machine that many of us so easily fall victim of and how it causes us unnessecary problems and keeps us enslaved in a repetitive cycle. 

     Humanity has a choice, we can paralyze ourselves in the endless stream of what ifs, or we can ground ourselves in the present moment and seize the moment for what it really is; a well needed global break. A period to put life on hold, to reflect, be still & look inwards, an opportunity to connect with ourselves and our own personal wisdom.   

     This is not as easily said than done for a lot of people who are suffering and truth be told, we have ALL lost something due to this disaster, been affected by it in some way, and we are allowed to grieve. We are allowed to feel confused, sad, isolated, lonely, broken, lost, angry, scared, worried. But we must not allow ourselves to be consumed by these emotions, let them run our state of being. Instead, we must acknowledge their root cause, the anxieties and underlying beliefs attached to them and know that this too, shall pass. After all, our lives are merely a fragment of time, experienced on a rock hurtling through space amidst vast nothingness.  

    Everything exists within a state of duality, negative can not exist without positive, even though there doesn't seem like a lot of positive going around currently, there is, so much potential for good to shine. The world is healing. The planet itself is breathing properly again for the first time in any of our lifetimes. Billions of usually very busy individuals globally are faced with a rare opportunity to actually rest and heal themselves, to reflect inwards and actually spend quality time with themselves.  

     Many of us have been blessed with a well-needed break. It's up to those who aren't the wonderful keyworkers keeping us all together, to honor the people who are under an insane amount of pressure right now, by making the most out of this in whatever way they can. Whether this is as simple as just taking the time to count your blessings, appreciate who you are or spend 5 minutes looking inwards, we have so much time on our hands right now to do us. Whatever that may be, whether you're creative and have some projects you've always wanted to start but never had the time to get round to it, or maybe you had a faint idea for a business or endeavor you'd like to start you could finally start making plans for, or even if you could really do with a total break from life and decide that this time is specifically for that. It's up to no one else but you how you spend this time, not your boss, not your TV or social media feed and most definitely not a parasitic illusion presenting itself as part of you.   

    When you think about it, would it really be so bad if things didn't go exactly back to how they were before? We weren't really living our best lives, we have been destroying the planet for material gain, slaving away at poorly paid, uninspired jobs, whilst corrupt governments justify yet another poor decision that has resulted in the death of thousands. Billions, of us galivant excessively around the planet, consume processed food & factory-farmed animals, purchase £50 products made by children in dangerous factories for pennies and partake in countless more environmentally damaging 'luxuries', entirely oblivious to the true extent of damage these activities are having on our own wellbeing and the giant rock we call home; Mother Gaia.   

    We as a species are being presented with an opportunity to go inwards, to explore our minds and the fabric of our very being, and inwards to society, uncovering and bringing light to the very problems that have contributed towards the crisis we are currently facing. Because let's face it, our planet needed this pause more than anything. We are in the midst of the Sixth Mass Extinction and it's undeniable that the damage we are continuously causing and making very little attempt to prevent, is irreversible. If we really care about all life on this planet, then something has got to change,  and it already has. Can't you feel the peace in the air as the crisp, clean air sends tiny shivers of hope through your nostrils? Howabout the beauty of a TRULY clear blue sky without the scattering of chemtrails? Or the view of the big cities without the overhang of thick, deathly smog?!?!   

   Our external world is shifting. We are the key to grounding and stabilizing the Earth and empowering her, and all those that want the best for her and ALL of her inhabitants, in unconditional love and integrity. We owe it to existence itself, to be our most honest, loving selves, to embrace our inner truths at all times. And right now, we all share a worldwide inner truth that is screaming in desperation for our honor, the need to rejuvenate and nourish our home, if we don't, when do overcome COVID_19, how long will it be until something else, potentially something even worse, plagues our planet? 

     In times of chaos, we are all forced to go through a big change in how we perceive the world and ourselves. When we're faced with an issue larger than ourselves, it's easy to crack open, but sometimes a beautiful thing can happen, we can blossom open and allow all the wonder and light from the depths of our core to flourish, thrive and grow using the uncertainty as a lever for spiritual healing & growth. We have no choice but to look within and what better time than now? Imagine how much of a better place the world would be if we all emerged from this with a firmer understanding of ourselves, the errors of our past and what we could do collectively to fix whatever is broken. A great awakening. We may not be able to change the tragedy of the past, but we sure as hell can visualize, spread the word of and fight for a better future. 

   Life as we've known it is over. But this doesn't have to be a bad thing. I, amongst so many others, do genuinely believe that with the power of love, empowerment of peace and devotion to individuality, we are capable of creating a shift in our collective consciousness, bringing light into the lives of those that need it most and uniting us in ways we could have never previously even imagined.

My heartfelt condolences and deepest sympathy is with everyone that has lost a loved one or has felt the effects of the virus. Love & Light to all,FAB xx