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fxirysforesight · 8 months

Text

Future Career Pick A Card

Directions: Take 3 Mindful Breaths and Pick The Work Set-Up That Attracts You The Most!

Disclaimer: This is a general reading. It may not resonate for everyone and that's okay! If you are having trouble choosing a pile, take a minute to relax and then try again.

Pile One:

What Career Path Is Pile One Looking To Go Into?

Judgment, 9 of Cups, 4 of Swords

I feel like this is my Legal Studies, Politics, and Healthcare Pile. A lot of you are looking to go into Law or careers where you feel as though you are doing the right thing. You may want to go into careers where you are representing people or being a voice of reason for someone. You all seem to be problem solvers or at least interested in conflict-resolution based careers. Those of you who chose this pile are probably all or nothing people. I don't think a lot of you have any Plan B's or C's. You probably decided very early on what you want to be or do and that's what your heart is set on. You are looking for a career that has everything that you want. A career that fits your wants and needs and is a source of fulfillment for you is ideal Pile One.

These Are Some Careers I See You All Looking To Go Into/Be: Lawyers, Judges, Administration, Healthcare (Doctor or Nurse, a Veterinarian as well), Legal Work, Therapist (Mental Health, Massage, Etc.), Yoga or Meditation Instructor? For some of you, I see jobs where you are the Middle Man like for example a Hiring Recruiter.

What Career Path Is Best For Pile One?

8 of Cups Rx, The High Priestess, Strength

Pile One, you need to go into a career path that you know you won't walk away from. A career path that is sustainable for YOU. Regardless of the pay or whatever other constraints there may be, you need to find a job that satisfies your soul and not just your financial or social needs. I said before how I think that you all may enjoy conflict-resolution careers. It would be best for you all to find a career from which you can learn from or solve problems within. You would likely excel in careers that involve caring for someone or something in some way, shape, or form.

These Are Some Careers I Think You Would Excel In: Healthcare (Doctor, Nurse, Vet, Psychiatrist, Psychologist) Detective Work, Professor or Teacher, Guru, Counselor, Medium, Psychic, Astrologer, Tarot Reader.

Significators: French, Frenchie, or French Tips, Aries, Spring Months (March, April, May), 20+, Dyed Hair, "Not Yet", 444, Libra, 7th House Placements (Specifically Mercury and Sun), Strong Pisces, 12th House Sun or Moon, Moon and Neptune Dominant, Leo or 5th House Placements.

Pile Two: (This Pile was very similar to Pile One. If you felt drawn to that Pile go and give it a read and see if it resonates!)

What Career Path Is Pile Two Looking To Go Into?

5 of Swords Rx, The Star, The Wheel Of Fortune

The first thing I saw and heard was "Giving Back". This is my Humanitarian pile. A lot of you are likely studying or wanting to study Humanitarian Studies. You likely find yourself leaning towards careers or social endeavors that benefit not only yourself but the rest of the world as well. Your ultimate goal in a career is overcoming challenges, compromising or ending a conflict of some sort. You all want to change the world and give the up and coming generations inspiration and hope for a better world to live in. You want renewal. A fresh start.

These Are Some Careers I See You All Looking To Go Into/Be: Public Service, Tech and IT Jobs, Motivational Speakers or Anything To Do With Public Speaking, Freelancers or Non Contract Workers, Nonprofit Organization Workers, Health and Safety Professionals, Human Rights Activists, Scientists, Researchers, Entrepreneurs, Advocates, Social Workers.

What Career Path Is Best For Pile Two?

The Emperor, 4 of Swords Rx, Ace of Wands

Pile Two, you need to go into a career path where you have the opportunity to lead. A career path that offers you stability and structure. A career path that is practical and logical according to your own needs. All jobs will make you feel stress, but I would advise you to enter a career that provides you with the sanctuary you need to rest and recuperate. I feel like those of you who chose this pile get tired or burnt out pretty quick? Extroverts with low social betteries? It would do you well to enter into careers that you see yourself building a future off of. Additionally, for some of you I think jobs that are more hands on and interactive would be better for you. Careers that provide you with passion, action, and excitement!

These Are Some Careers and Career Titles I Think You Would Excel At: Self Employment, CEO's or Bosses, Government Based Careers, Entrepreneurs, Engineers, Military, Managers, Administration, Manual Labor, Tech and IT Jobs, Freelancing, Careers That Allow You To Travel, Sports or Athletics. This Pile has a VERY strong Masculine Energy. A lot of you may find yourselves in Male Dominated Career Paths, and you may have a lot of Masculine Energy in your Natal Charts as well.

Significators: Aries, Leo, Aquarius, Libra, Spanish, 10th House Mercury, 10th House Uranus, Chart Ruler in 11th House, Air and Fire Dominants, Mars in 1st or 10th, Libra Mercury, Sun-Mars and Sun-Saturn Aspects, 555, Aquarius Midheaven and DSC, Uranus Dominant.

Pile Three:

What Career Path Is Pile Three Looking To Go Into?

Queen of Wands, Queen of Cups, Page of Cups Rx

Creative Workers. A lot of you who chose this pile may have struggles or are currently struggling with finding the career path that suits you. You WANT to do a certain career, but you may think that you NEED to do another career because the career you dream of is unrealistic or out of reach or maybe just doesn't fall into your life plans or budget. You are likely searching for a career that you have an emotional connection to. Although money is important to you, you're not really concerned too much about monetary matters, because you know that you can't be happy in a career that doesn't speak to you. You want a career that you get excited about being able to do, a career that allows you to feel as though you are in control of your own life. A lot of you want to work with kids and young people, I can tell.

These Are Some Careers I See You All Looking To Go Into/Be: Elementary School Teachers, Leaders of Some Kind, Child Counselors, Midwives, Nannies, Children's Book Authors, Music Teachers, Singers, Poets, Interior Design, Home Business (Maybe a Daycare), Family Therapist, Realtor or Real Estate. In contrast to Pile Two, there is a lot of Feminine Energy in this pile. You all may find yourselves in Female Dominated career paths and you may have an abundance of Feminine Energy in your chart.

What Career Path Is Best For Pile Three?

King of Swords, The Chariot, Justice

Pile Three, I would advise you all to go into career paths where you have structure and routine. A lot of you who chose this pile have very strong morals and values with all of this watery energy here. You are kind and empathetic but you are also logical and firm. You would do well in a position of authority, where you are allowed to demonstrate and enforce self-discipline and hardwork. You will likely be known for your candor and integrity in your careers pile three. You value honesty and fairness, and it will show regardless of what path you choose. You would thrive in careers that allow you to teach others about the wonders of the World, whatever that may mean to you.

These Are Some Careers and Career Titles I Think You Would Excel At: Counselors, Networking, Mediators, Influencers, Authors, Motivational Speakers, Auditors, Elementary School Teachers, Family Therapists, Behavior Technicians, Children's' Book Authors, Interior Design, Home Businesses, Real Estate.

Significators: "Soon", Cancer, Sagittarius, Gemini, 20+, Fire, Musician, 10th House Sun or Moon, 1st House Moon, Mercury in 9th House, 4th House Stellium, Water Dominant, Pisces Moon, Cancer Midheaven, Libra, Saturnians.

#🍓 fairytalks #astrology #tarot #pick a pile #pick a card

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smokesandsonatas · 1 year

Note

can i have some headcanons of what our twisted wonderland boys will do after they graduate? you can choose only 4 if there is a limit, thank you so much

Twisted Wonderland characters after their graduation at NRC

- This really tickled my brain so I'm going to write assumptions for everyone. I drafted this around last year then only got to post this right now, haha. -

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts

After his graduation from NRC, and bagging home the highest honor for an exceptional mage, I can see Riddle furthering his education. If there's such a thing as Ph.D. in Twisted Wonderland, Riddle will pursue that. I can also see him becoming a "Double Doctor," a medical doctor, and a doctor of Philosophy. Not only that but Riddle will also pursue law, along with magical medicine. A doctor and a lawyer, all in one. Riddle would go on to be an internationally recognized mage. He will also be an advocate of Mental Health education, fueled by his past and his mission to never let anyone experience what he went through.

Ace Trappola

I can honestly say I see him being recognized as a famous basketball player or entering the military enforcement of Queendom of Roses along with Deuce. Occasionally, Ace will perform magic tricks along with his brother, which is always a hit of course, someone even offered the Trappola brothers to appear in a reality show but Ace had other plans. In his 3rd year, he will become the Dorm leader of Heartslabyul, while Deuce will be his vice.

Deuce Spade

Will become a high-ranking magical enforcer, his salary will allow him and his family to live comfortably, especially his mom. Once the Queendom of Roses gave Deuce an award as the 'Hero of the Year,' he broke down into tears as he hugged his mom. Will be buddies forever with Ace.

Cater Diamond

Will be a famous vlogger. Be it traveling or fashion, Cater will be a famous influencer. He will also have a successful studio with workshops on how to run a magicam account successfully. If there's a fashion show, he would always be on the VIP list, as he is acquainted with Vil. If he feels burned out, he'll try to stay away from social media. If Cater can't form long relationships, he'll just leave his mark in the world with his vlogs. #LonelyButNotReally

Trey Clover

Owner of a famous bakeshop. His family's shop will prosper under his guidance. On every occasion, their sweets will sold out. One time a magazine listed Trey as the "sexiest pastry chef," and Cater and his other friends will never let him live with it. The Clover's Bakeshop occasionally partners with Mostro Lounge, and when they do, everything sells out within seconds.

Savanaclaw

Leona Kingscholar

He does not need to work, but he is a genius as Leona is still a prince of a noble family. Have you seen those alpha males ads? Leona will be all of that. A CEO of his own company and at the same time a diplomat of Sunset Savannah to other nations. His business started out as a mining corporation, gradually expanding into construction. A noble man who many people - beastmen and beastwomen - fawn over with. A millionaire. A bachelor. Once, Farena, the current king and his older brother, called to meet with him and Leona put harshly down the phone. Leona's reason for doing this? When he realized that Farena tried to marry him off to a noble from some rich kingdom 'for his future'. Leona's reply? Is a simple scoff and a very deep, "Fuck off."

Ruggie Bucchi

Will be an assistant to Leona. The next generation of Hyenas will not experience poverty as Ruggie did. His all-around skills will come in handy as a secretary. Ruggie will be a finance speaker. He will sometimes get his hands dirty. What? Hyenas are used to it. Fear not, he's still the same old Ruggie, just a little more rich.

Jack Howl

After graduation, Jack will get a lot of offers to be a professional magift player. Leona will offer to sponsor him tho, so he doesn't need to worry about financial things. Will be an advocate of physical health, his muscular physique is no joke. I can see Jack being a well-known magift player and a track and field competitor, with the help of Prof. Vargas as a head coach.

Octavinelle

Azul Ashengrotto

In every nation, there's a branch of Mostro Lounge. Azul will be listed as the "Top 100 most successful bachelors," along with Jade, possibly Floyd, Vil, and Leona. Azul would go on to accumulate a lot of awards for his splendid business skills. Will own a share in almost all known companies. He'll have to pull strings from Idia to let him invest or buy shares from Jupiter Enterprises. Azul will be compared to the Sea Witch due to how influential he is. Once his mother passed him their restaurant in the Coral Sea, Azul's work will quadruple, and so is his income. Because of him, the mermen's view of octomerpeople will change. But for a darker secret, Azul will be known as the Mediator, and every Mostro Lounge place will be known as a neutral territory for members of the 'other' world. Of course, the Leech twins will still stick with him.

Jade Leech

Jade will inherit their Father's mafia legacy, along with Floyd. The Leech family will prosper under the twins' rule. Jade will open a mushroom business, as to what kind of mushrooms he's selling Jade will smile in response and say it's a fresh mushroom from the mountain. Jade's favorite base of operation would be on land, it's just more fun and chaotic when he watches humans stutter and pass out once he interrogates them. Jade will work as Azul's concierge, working for both him and the Leech family. And in the morning, he'll be the vice manager of Mostro Lounge. But sometimes it does get a little boring. Once a company famous for being greedy with their demands easily relents when they realize it is The Jade Leech that will conduct business with them. Such a shame, Jade would've loved to see the look on their faces.

Floyd Leech

Floyd would be proud of his shoe collection! By now he would have a hundred pair of shoes. Of course, he's still with Jade and Azul, acting as the brawns of the trio. He will make it a point with them to only give him interesting jobs, if it's boring? Floyd would abandon that. One time he learned to drive, he brought his sports car to another country and accidentally got pulled over in the Queendom of Roses, to his surprise it is Mackerel (Deuce) who pulled him over! Floyd paid for the ticket and then went on to hang out with him. Floyd's favorite part of his job is squeezing everyone that owes them unpaid debts!

Though Floyd just doesn't understand why Momma Leech wants to introduce him to a mermaid. Jade is laughing at first, but not anymore once his twin realized that their Momma intends to introduce him to a mermaid too! Floyd will never forget the look on Jade's face - that's probably reflected on him - once their Momma gushes over about 'baby eels'. What? Mermaid eels have little populations. They have to do their part, don't they?

Scarabia

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim inherited his father's multi-million business. Through his easygoing personality, Kalim is well-loved by everyone. He established business trade routes with almost every nation, while still honoring his personal ones. An example is with the Felmier's, so that their apples will be enjoyed by everyone in Scarabia. The threats grew along with the Asim's already immense wealth. Don't worry, Kalim by now, will know how to defend himself using his unique magic. He just had to know how to reply with the various marriage proposals going his way, it pains Kalim to reject every single one, you know.

Jamil Viper

After his graduation at NRC, Jamil would take a year or two for himself. He will travel across Twisted Wonderland, and by this time Jamil's perception of the world would change. Finally prioritizing himself and is selfish for once. When he will come back, however, he will be met with a warm welcome from the citizens of Scalding Sands and the Asim and Viper family. Jamil would go on to become a successful businessman and bodyguard best friend of Kalim. But this time, they're on equal footing.

Pomefiore

Vil Schoenheit

There's no spotlight if there's no Vil Schoenheit. He will become the highest-paid actor for straight 5 years, until Neige just slightly beats him, running off a few hundred thousand madol. But in the same year, Neige surpassed him in pay, Vil went on to win the Best Actor award for his work in a movie as a misunderstood villain protagonist. His movie even screened in the coral sea! As if there's no stopping him, his successful cosmetics company took off Twisted Wonderland by storm, his eye palette alone is sold out within seconds.

Rook Hunt

Oh dear, Rook will also inherit the Hunt's family business. One moment someone can see Rook in Quendom of Roses then the next he would be spotted on Sage Island. Of course, Rook will not stop admiring beauty and arts! He will fund archaeological studies, theater, art museums, galleries, and even beauty pageants. Rook will be one of the art and beauty industry's most important benefactors.

Epel Felmier

Will be known as the "pretty boy of magift." Not in a bad way, but more like a compliment. His talent is honed thanks to his NRC club. Sometimes Epel would attend fashion shows that present him as a "manly man", you know wearing suits and all of that. Because of his new-found fame, the Felmier's apple business will bloom, in part thanks to Kalim.

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud

Will become the head of S.T.Y.X, but will also manage the Shroud's position in Jupiter Enterprises. On top of that, Idia will develop one of the best MMORPG and FPS games Twisted Wonderland had ever seen. Additionally, Idia won't just stop in developing games, he will also develop magic-infused medical devices that will drastically change the healthcare industry, crediting the Idia Shroud for its invention.

Once a magazine included Idia in their "Top 100 most successful bachelors," he almost sued them if not for Azul, Ortho and his parents convincing him it's a good thing. But Momma and Papa Shroud can't help but wonder when will they have grandkids, the Shroud's need an heir to continue their duties, you know.

Ortho Shroud

Ortho will stay at his brother's side! But his looks will drastically change, if the Ortho from before looks young, the Ortho from the future will have a much taller body, but he will still regain his childlike curiosity. Only the future Ortho is more mature and more open to take time for himself. He will ask Idia to send him off to faraway lands to gather information and to also satiate his curiosity about the real world. Ortho will become independent yet still close to his brother.

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia

Malleus' coronation is one of the most liveliest and solemn celebrations Briar Valley had seen for the last 5 centuries. Under King Malleus' rule, his kingdom will prosper. Faes and humans alike will come to a much more common understanding. Although the valley still heavily relies on magic, technology will become available, as a courtesy of the friendship acquaintanceship of Idia.

On some days, Malleus will truly get busy. Managing a country and it's affairs is no small feat. Through trades and partnership with every Kingdom, from Savanaclaw to the Coral Sea courtesy of his two alumni schoolmates from NRC, Briar Valley will prosper. It just gets annoying sometimes when the news reporters, the common folk, the fae senators, and even his own grandmother will ask him about an heir. Malleus still needs to find someone who will stay by his side, and it's not an easy thing to do.

Lilia Vanrouge

Sweet old man Lilia is on his way to retirement. In the chapter of Diasomnia, we learned that his magic is running out. Well, all good things must come to an end. Though his eventual retirement in the Land of the Red Dragon came true, he still returned. And Lilia had his fair share of adventures. Because Malleus is busy with the preparations for his coronation, Lilia is there to help him. On the occasion he's free to do anything, Crowley offered him a teaching position in NRC, which is the spot left open by Professor Trein. Lilia accepted, and for a semester he become a teacher, quitting right after to attend Malleus' coronation.

Lilia liked to think a had lived a full life. He was it all. A fearsome general, a caretaker of the young prince, an adoring father, and a good friend.

Sebek Zigvolt

No one dares to Disrespect the King under my watch! That is what he would occasionally say. If one of Briar Valleys' own Fae advisors disrespects Malleus, expect Sebek to speak, and even draw his sword. Yes, he's part human and half Fae but that doesn't mean he's not powerful enough to defend the king.

With this Sebek will grow in closer relationship with his grandfather and his mortal dad. His parents' dentistry business will expand, and for some time Sebek's face is the model of it, which made him embarrassed, yet he still loves his parents nonetheless.

Silver

I can see Silver honoring his promise to Lilia and staying by Malleus'side. However, that is considering if his feelings don't change. Silver will quickly become one of Briar Valley's most beloved humans, and for some reason, he always gets mistaken as an RSA graduate. Once Vil invited him to cover for a sick model in a fashion show and he declined but Vil already presented his picture to the photographers. For some reason, his picture was leaked to the public and Silver's name is trending for days. Some say he's a child of the king, and others compare him to Neige's beauty. His face was everywhere in magicam, with the hashtags "the most handsome sleepy prince," and the "dreamy prince of dreams."

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camsthisky · 2 months

Note

"You know I'd do anything for you." Batfam!!

ao3

remember i'm not an actual mental health professional.

----

“I need help,” Dick says, apropo of nothing as he barges into the study Bruce is using to read over some documents from WE.

Bruce doesn’t even hesitate to stand up and rush over to him. “What’s wrong?”

Dick knows he looks awful. Bags under his eyes, washed out, and trembling. The rain-led orchestra in his brain has crescendo’d with the thunder outside and Dick can barely think straight. The only thing that has stuck in his mind is that he needs his dad.

So, he’d gone and found his dad.

“Dick?” Bruce asks, frown deepening the longer Dick stays standing there, silent and trembling. “What is it? What happened?”

Dick can barely feel his lips. He’s snapping back and forth between extremely in his body and extremely out of it, and he needs help.

“Can—Can you call Lori? I can’t. I can’t, I’ve tried! But I need—help. I need help.”

“Okay.” Bruce leads him over to the couch. Dick sinks into the corner, shaking, arms wrapped around himself as he brings his knees to his chest. Bruce gently pries Dick’s phone from his grasp. “I’m calling her now.”

The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Lori picks up before the fourth.

“Hi Dick, is everything okay?”

Bruce hesitates, looking at Dick. Dick opens his mouth to speak, but his words get lost to his mess of a brain before he can get them out. He screws his eyes up and buries his forehead in his knees, shaking his head.

“Dick?”

“Lori,” Bruce says. “It’s Bruce. Dick asked me to call you.”

“Is he there with you now?”

“Yes, it’s on speaker. He’s…upset.”

Understatement.

The rain has been bothering him all day, and it’s only eleven in the morning. He barely slept, he feels like he can’t think, and his body won’t stop shaking. It’s the worst he’s felt in weeks.

“Okay,” Lori says, and Dick appreciates how calm she’s acting, even though she probably wasn’t expecting a literal distress call on a random Sunday morning from one of her patients. “Dick, I can’t see you right now, but would it be okay to shake your head yes or no and have your dad translate for you?”

Dick’s nod is miniscule and he hates that he can’t speak.

“He nodded,” Bruce says. He sounds completely out of his depth, and Dick hates that, too.

“First question, Dick,” Lori says. “Can you chew a piece of gum for me?”

Dick looks up sharply, eyeing the phone at the out of place question. Bruce looks equally as bewildered.

“Gum?” Bruce asks.

“Yep, do you have any? Or any chewy candy?”

“In my desk.” Bruce looks at Dick. Dick shakes his head in confusion, and Bruce fetches the piece of gum, back to kneeling in front of Dick within a few seconds. He holds out a piece. “Here.”

Dick unwraps an arm from around his chest and takes the piece of gum with trembling fingers. He trusts Lori, though, so the moment he unwraps it, he pops it into his mouth.

Dick chews mechanically.

“Are you chewing the gum?” Lori asks.

“Yes,” Dick manages to say.

“What flavor is it?”

“Bubblegum.”

Probably not for Bruce. Dick knows Bruce well, and he’s not the type to chew gum. He probably kept it in there for Cass, who is an absolute menace when it comes to gum and candy. Dick’s little sister likes to haunt this study often enough that Dick wouldn’t be surprised if Bruce did keep the gum in his desk stocked specifically for Cass.

“Do you like bubblegum?”

“It’s fine,” Dick croaks, his shoulders falling as he shares another confused glance with Bruce. Or well, Dick is still confused. Bruce's expression has fallen back into a soft concern, but he doesn’t interrupt.

“Do you have a favorite kind? I know I’m partial to wintermint, but that’s not everyone’s cup of tea.”

“Um, I only ever really chew bubblegum,” Dick says.

It’s mostly a nostalgia thing. Haly’s never had anything but bubblegum when it came to flavors, and Dick has never really seen the need to branch out.

“That’s perfectly fine,” Lori tells him. And after a second of quiet, she asks, “How are you feeling, scale of one to ten, one being a panic attack and ten being completely calm?”

“Oh!” Dick says, figuring out the trick. “Oh. That was a grounding technique.”

“A quick one, yes.” Lori hums. “I’d like to guide you through a few more in a minute, but first I want to see where you’re at. Are you okay giving me a number?”

“Uh, three, maybe?”

Dick is still trembling, but he’s looser. Less tense. He’s talking. He doesn’t feel as distant. All good things.

The rain is still ever-present, threatening to drown him in its noise, but with Lori on the phone, and Bruce right in front of him, one hand holding Dick’s phone and the other held out as an offering, Dick doesn’t feel so alone.

He takes Bruce’s hand and lets his dad and his therapist help him.

------

“Thank you,” Dick says later, wrung out and slumped sideways on the couch, arms clutched to his own chest.

“You know I’d do anything for you,” Bruce tells him softly, still kneeling in front of him. Dick’s phone is quiet a few feet away from them now.

“Can I have a hug?” Dick asks.

Bruce leans over and tugs Dick into his arms.

#cam answers #Anonymous #prompt #camryn writes #dick grayson #bruce wayne #dc

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good-beanswrites · 3 months

Note

I was thinking of Hallucination and LCSYS again. Would you like to write something about what Mahiru was doing instead of performing at Hallucination?

Ah, yes!! In my mind she was there and everything was perfect 😭 But it was super fun to think of what/who could be convincing to her... I know Miho Okasaki had another performance at the time, so I tried to keep things generally in line with that. Even if I wasn't writing for you specifically, I know there's only one character who could talk Mahiru into it... (I kept getting hung up on pov/little details/transitions but I think I just need to post this as is lol 😂)

“Mikoto-kun!” Mahiru cupped the phone close to her at the sound of his voice. “Mahiru has big news! You’re the first to know!”

“Ah, is it okay if he’s the second to know?”

“Oh! Hey, John-kun!”

As much as Mikoto was protective over Red’s name, he himself always encouraged the prisoners to call him John. It was something like an affectionate nickname at this point; an inside joke between him and the people who had experienced so much with him. Well, and also the hundreds of thousands of adoring fans that called him that…

“I can tell you! Oooh, Mahiru just got the call a minute ago!”

“What is it?”

“Do you remember that group holding the mental health talks from a few months ago? They were asking permission to use my videos at one of their events?”

“I remember.”

She felt her cheeks blush at the way he said it – of course he remembers, she hadn’t stopped talking about it for a month straight.

“Well, they’re holding a biiiiig presentation this time. Lots of smart professionals and famous influencers will be there!” She listed off some of the guest list. John wouldn’t know a lot of the beauty and health influencers, but maybe he’d recognize them from her many prior conversations. She’d said time and time again what an inspiration some of these people were during her life before, and turning it around now. “I mean, she’s Mahiru’s hero!!”

“That’s great! So, are they going to play your videos there, too? That’s –”

“– They want Mahiru to come and talk!” She squealed, unable to contain it anymore. Her feet danced a few steps around her kitchen. “They asked if I could be one of the speakers!”

“That’s amazing!”

“I’d get to talk about my life, and then answer some questions after. I’d get to talk to all the guests, and the other speakers! Can you believe it, John-kun? Me, meeting them in person!”

“I’m so proud of you!” She could hear the smile in his voice.

She took a deep inhale. “Mahiru is going to turn it down, of course.”

There was a pause as he processed the statement in her cheery tone.

“...Eh!?”

“It’s right when Jackalope’s big show is scheduled. They couldn’t have planned it any worse!” She laughed. It was, after all, amusing at how poorly the timing had worked out. “It took all of us to persuade Fuuta-kun to agree to come, there’s no way I can back out now.”

“That’s different – he had nothing better to do, and you have this awesome opportunity!”

“No, no,” she shook her head, even if he couldn’t see the gesture. She kept her smile up. She had to.

“What about rescheduling? Or maybe you can travel between both?”

“It’s impossible, they’ve already started selling tickets for both. But there’s no need to worry, I’m going to have so much fun with you all!”

“It was such an honor to be asked, and you deserve that moment in the spotlight – yourself.”

“Oh, Mahiru could never do something so selfish! My mind is made up!”

There was another pause. If there was one thing everyone had learned about Mahiru, it was that it took quite a lot to un-make her mind, once set on something.

“Alright. Can you do me one favor, though?”

“Of course! Anything for you, John-kun!”

“Don’t call the others yet. Take a few days to think about it. Really think about it. Actually… do tell Amane about it.”

“Amane-chan…?”

“But wait to tell everyone else.”

She pouted her lips. “But Mahiru was so excited to tell everybody…”

John gave a small laugh on the other end. “I know. Just try to wait a little bit.”

“I will, for your sake…”

“Trust me, it’s for yours.”

—

She told Amane that night, peering into her room. The girl was separating some clothes, laying out her marching band uniform for the big game coming up. Amane responded similarly to John, her excitement turning to complete shock, even when Mahiru added her rational explanation. She started going through possible solutions, all of which Mahiru had already ruled out.

Finally, she asked, “why don’t you go to that event instead? You’ve gotten so much attention through Milgram, but this is something brand new. It’s something that you feel very passionately about.”

“You’re as silly as John-kun! If it was something helpful I’d think about it, but it’s just selfish. Just an excuse for Mahiru to be the center of attention, and meet people I want to meet. It would be so shameful to choose that over performing with you all.”

“But…” Amane’s expression was conflicted.

“No buts!” Mahiru made a fluttery gesture to the uniform laid out on the bed. “You wouldn’t want to let down your band, would you? It’s like that! Now, dinner will be ready in just a minute, so hurry on down. I made your favorite tonight, and a special dessert in honor of your game~”

—

“Mahiru-san?”

Mahiru looked up from her phone. She hurriedly closed the social media app she’d been scrolling through, checking on who would be attending the presentation. She’d read her favorite blog’s post about it about a dozen times, so it didn’t matter that she closed out of the tab. “Oh, Amane-chan, you’re still up?”

Amane got right to it. She said the words as if she’d been choosing them carefully beforehand. Having helped her prepare for school speeches, Mahiru knew that was exactly what she’d done.

“I think you should go to the presentation. Sometimes it’s okay if you disappoint a big group, if you’re doing something kind for yourself. You yourself told me that wasn’t selfish. You told me that if the group really loves you, they’ll be happy for you. We know you’re not selfish, and that you do deserve to be the center of attention. When is the last time you did something completely for yourself – not also helping another?”

Mahiru gaped at her. She scrambled for an answer, knowing the girl would have a rebuttal for each thing that crossed her mind. Seeing her point was a success, Amane continued.

“I will miss you, of course. And Fuuta-san will definitely say something hot-headed. But I think… I know everyone will be very happy for you. No one will be upset, because they’ll see how much this means to you. Because we love you, Mahiru-san.”

Following some bursting into tears and lots of hugging, Mahiru stepped into the kitchen to make a phone call. “Jackalope-san! Mahiru has some good news and some bad news…”

#milgram #mahiru shiina #john milgram #amane momose #lights camera sing your sins #oughh i tried to include the honorifics and really went ham with mahirus third person way of speaking #i hope it worked well !!#i wanted the transitions to be a lot smoother but its been like two months of overthinking so im just posting #amanes in marching band and debate club btw :')👍#i think john could be very convincing on his own with the whole self-love thing but its amane who 100% sways her #especially because mahiru has given her a similar speech before #drabbles

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blink182-electricboogaloo · 1 month

Text

Suicide Clutch

Rating: Explicit, M/M

Ch 3/?

Suicide Clutch; The terms suicide clutch, and suicide shifter or jockey shifter, refer to some motorcycles' foot-operated clutch and hand shifter to change gears.

After one fateful, late-night meeting with a professional motorcyclist racer named Aventurine, Dr. Veritas Ratio now has to put his PHD in engineering to good use... As a mechanic for a borderline suicidal racer.

Surely there is no better way to spend someone's summer.

Ao3

“And that concludes week two of the Penacony Grant Tournament! As expected, the Galaxy Rangers will be moving on to next week’s race. Alongside them are independent riders Chase Archroy, Grant Alcazar, Marie Illi–”

Ratio only half-listens to the names being listed off one after the other. Of course, even if he was truly listening, he could barely hear the speaker over the loud buzzing of the welding tool in his hands anyway, so perhaps it would be for naught regardless.

Besides, his current work is far more important than who is participating in next week’s race– even if those are the people Aventurine will be facing off against– considering the health of the professional motorcycle and its rider is at stake at the moment. And Ratio’s mental health, of course.

Especially considering he has been working on this vehicle for nearly sixteen hours just to move that rotator clutch and he is finally reaching the last step to completing such a monumental task. Granted, he had expected this from the start. One does not simply ‘move’ such a key component, after all. Things around it must be shifted, the connectors that allow one to actually switch gears must be adjusted, not to mention actually moving the thing to its new spot.

But, it’s nearly done.

In fact, as the sparks arch and dance in front of his mask, the doctor remains steadfast in his task, ever mindful of where the welding tool touches.

He had been lucky to find a welding machine in this garage considering its abnormalities in what it keeps stocked. But perhaps even luckier was the impulse decision he had made in college to take a welding class for no other reason than to satisfy his curiosity. He never mastered the craft, and he’d even grown rusty in his years of neglect, but even so. As long as the part remained attached and unnoticable to the untrained eye then it would be fine.

Suddenly, a loud bang startles him from his thoughts. His hands jolt, the welding torch leaving an ugly line on the metal as his attention snaps to the source of that noise. His eyes– shielded by the dark screen of the welding helmet– only catch onto the halo of light above him and the vague form of a person standing atop the stairs. There’s only one person who’d have the gall to interrupt Ratio like this.

“Ohhhh doctor~” The blond’s singsong voice confirms.

“Damned racer.” He mutters to himself as he flicks off the switch of the welding machine. The podcast is the next to go, though he opts to simply turn the audio down entirely, and only then does he return his full attention to Aventurine. “What is my first rule?” He demands as he lifts his visor. His eyes are immediately assaulted by the sharp white lights of the garage around him– already he misses the comforting dark of the welding helmet– but he fixes the racer in question with a dirty look.

Aventurine doesn’t answer his prompt, only leaning forward on the baluster with a grin. “Oh? Is the good doctor not happy to see me?”

The glare he receives should be answer enough.

At the very least, as Ratio inspects the blond’s attire, he’d learned his lesson from the last time he’d been down here. Having forgone that jacket of his entirely in favor of a simple graphic tee and some jeans. His hair is a mess, more than usual even. As if he’d simply rolled out bed, changed, then immediately decided to make it his personal mission to distract Ratio from his job.

The lack of professionalism is as obnoxious as it is obvious.

“I would be happier if you respected the rules in my contract.” The doctor replies shortly.

“Mhm, your contract.”

Please, dear gods, let Aventurine have read that contract.

He didn’t, did he?

And after all of the time Ratio had spent negotiating with Topaz over adding three specific rules to spare himself from Aventurine’s unnecessary presence.

Once again, the Ratio wishes he had chalk on hand to reprimand such a decision. No wonder the idiot cannot keep a mechanic, if he pays no mind to the contracts put in place and, of course, interrupts them while they work .

Accepting that he won’t be getting anything else done while Aventurine is here, Ratio sighs and pulls off the welding mask entirely. His hair is a sweaty mess as he sets the helmet onto the floor, threatening to fall in his face more than usual until he swipes the purple locks back. Even with the garage door closed, air conditioning on full blast, and two additional fans, the humidity is relentless.

“To answer my own question, since you have clearly proven yourself incapable of doing so: The first rule is to not interrupt me while I am working. Which you would have known had you taken the time to read my contract .”

He doesn't move from his position in front of the motorcycle, a reminder to them both of what he should be working on at the moment. He is a mechanic , not an entertainer for pretty blonds that cannot entertain themselves.

The ‘pretty blond’ in question only hums while fiddling with something on his phone, that little grin on his lips even as his entire focus is engrossed on the device. “Hmmm, and how was I supposed to know you were working?”

The doctor stifles a huff, giving a longing look at the array of parts on the shelf against the back wall. Maybe he can’t weld, but perhaps he can check sprockets and the chain while Aventurine makes his presence known. But no, that presence is far too distracting. He’d much sooner make a mistake than do anything productive. “If I am down here, then that means I am working.”

“And what if you’re eating?”

“Can I help you with something?” Ratio snaps finally, returning his glare back to the racer atop the stairs. Still doing something on that phone of his and seeming to only be half paying attention, yet somehow he still looks just as amused. “Do you need something from me? Why are you down here?”

This earns the start of a laugh from Aventurine. “Is it not enough to see my amazing mechanic at work?” Ratio doesn’t even dignify this with an answer, his scowl hopefully doing the talking for him. Assuming the racer could take a damn hint. “Fine, fine. I was ordering food and figured you’d want something. Consider it a ‘peace offering’ for entering your sanctum or whatever.”

Naturally, the doctor is tempted to refuse the offer on principle. “You understand that this is for your benefit, yes?” He questions instead.

“Never said it wasn’t.” Aventurine purrs. “Catch!”

What?

One word. One word is all the warning Ratio gets before Aventurine’s phone is airborne and sailing straight towards him, the illuminated screen flipping and turning in the air while Ratio can only watch in mounting horror that it will be on him whether or not that screen hits the ground.

The utter fool–

The doctor dives for it, fumbling as the delicate device bounces in his palm. He wobbles, nearly falling from his place on his knees as he finally manages to swipe it against his chest and catch himself with his free arm.

“You careless idiot !” He calls back up to the stupid racer once he’d caught his breath from the momentary adrenaline rush. “Have you no consideration for your belongings? What if I had dropped it?”

“But you didn’t.” Aventurine responds easily, only descending the stairs after sending his phone on a treacherous journey across approximately twelve feet of open air. He could have waited and handed the phone to Ratio like a normal fucking person. But looking back on every interaction the doctor has had with Aventurine thus far, when has he ever been normal?

“And I didn’t toss it at you for you to yell at me, y’know~ Look what’s on the screen?”

As much as Ratio would like to simply hand the phone back and say no, he does make the unfortunate decision to glance down at the app that’s already open. An ordering app, no doubt.

Being a professor as he is, there have been countless students who have ordered food near him, some even offering to get him something as well as if that would sway his strict grading regime. He always refused, of course, but the exposure was enough to know that this is not one of the mainstream apps.

The app itself is a dark gray background with white text, a dark mode perhaps, but the accents are much more of a golden yellow color. Menu options are much wider as well, not signed with specific restaurants but seeming to be all places in the area, including a small cafe half an hour away that would have no reason to sign with a major ordering company. The name at the top of the app is ‘Stellar Delivery’.

Odd.

Frankly, the doctor has never understood the idea of ‘ordering in’, not when a place is only half an hour away at most, and much cheaper when ordering in person. An inconvenience, sure, but a minor one. Then there is, of course, the issues with eating out in general. Much harder to dictate what is ‘healthy’ when trusting others to prepare the food.

Ratio glances up at Aventurine with a quirked brow, but before he can say anything the racer takes interest in his phone sitting innocently atop the speaker. “So what are you listening to, doc?”

Ratio steals the phone off its stand before Aventurine can even touch it, only biting out another chide as he stuffs the device into his pocket. “Second rule, Racer. Do not touch anything in this garage without my express permission.”

The blond’s face morphs into a knowing smirk.

Ratio sighs and admits defeat before Aventurine can tear apart that rule next.

“It is a podcast called Redlight Roadways.” He answers with a huff. To avoid the racer’s curious eyes, he returns his gaze to the screen and begins actually browsing the options if only to have some reprieve. “They are currently focusing on the Penacony Grant Tournament, hence why I have shown interest, but discuss numerous motorsports competitions internationally.”

“Oh? Sounds nice. Didn’t take you for the podcasting type though.”

Ratio suppresses the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I prefer not to partake.”

Finally, he finds something appealing on this stellar app– the irony of the name is not lost on him of course– and steadily goes through the options. A simple cafe, with an even simpler salad. Perfect for a hot day.

“In fact, with the Redlight Roadways specifically, I believe them to be no more than vultures descending on whatever has the most attention at the moment. They mindlessly pick the victim clean of any content they can strip it of, then leave the husk to rot while they move on to the next carcass.”

Aventurine laughs softly, finally retreating from his spot next to Ratio. “Strong words for a podcast you listen to regularly.” He hums. When the doctor glances up to give him an odd look, he only smirks. “Episode 206?”

“That is the most recent,” Ratio defends. “I only listen for information on the Penacony Grant Tournament. Nothing else.”

He earns a non committal hum from the blond as he slinks back towards the stairs, only to hop onto the metal table he’d inhabited the last time he was down here instead of freeing Ratio, and the garage, of his attendance.

There is a chair right next to him .

The worst part, Ratio realizes upon meeting Aventurine’s gaze, is that the racer knows . Knows and is waiting for the doctor to call him on it to start another debate that he, too, can pick it clean.

And frankly, Ratio would rather not spring that trap if he doesnt have to.

So, with a twitching eye and a frustrated huff, he selects his final option, pushing himself to his feet as he does so, and continues speaking. “Just because one dislikes an author does not mean their book cannot be useful. The Redlights, as they call themselves, provide information that is newcomer friendly. Including rules, lineups, and notable teams and racers.”

Even if their comments are biased at best and entirely uninformed at worst, it was still enough for Ratio to do his own research should he feel the need.

Yet Aventurine’s interest seems to be piqued on something else as he leans forward with clear interest.. “Oh? Anything about me yet?”

The doctor fixes him with a look even as he hands back the phone. “Last year was your debut. Despite being new to the track, your penchant for risky plays and flashy moves quickly had you labeled as a crowd favorite and the underdog of the season. Ultimately, you took second place in the finals with the Xianzhou Luofu taking first.”

Aventurine hums,taking back the phone while pulling his legs into a criss-cross onto the table . It’s at this moment that Ratio realizes he’s only wearing socks.

Of course he would.

At least he isn’t getting dirty shoes all over Ratio’s near-pristine table.

“See, that just tells me you did your research,” The blond points lightly while clicking a few things on the app then dropping it into his lap.“What did they say about me?”

Ratio stifles a sigh. “Royale doubts you will make it to finals this year. Akashi believes you should have been disqualified from the start.”

The blond’s expression shifts into a frown for a moment, only to be hidden once again by his grin. He leans forward, elbows resting on his knees as he stares at Ratio intently. “And what do you think?”

Now that is a good question. One that takes some consideration. Admittedly, up until now the doctor hadn’t seen Aventurine race past perhaps a few minutes of a replay two weeks ago. He would have to change that if he intended to form a complete opinion of the racer in question.

For now, all he can do is regurgitate what he’s been told alongside whatever opinions he’d already formed in the last two days of working for the blond.

“You have potential.” He finally settles. “However, as I said previously, the state of your motorcycle is going to make things difficult for you.”

To prove his point, the doctor gestures to the half-finished superbike laying propped against a tire of all things. Due to the angle, he had to essentially lay it on its side with supports beneath it so it wouldn’t touch the ground. He would have to do a precautionary flush and replacement of the vehicle’s fluids anyway. Even if the motorcycle is significantly newer, Ratio can never be sure of when it was last checked, and of course he doesn’t entirely know how high speeds would affect any fluids in a superbike like this.

“If you could let me do my job,” He continues pointedly, “Then I could lessen those difficulties. Yet here we are.”

“Alright, alright. I get your point.” The blond finally concedes with a playful huff. “You have work to do and you don't want me around when you do it. Fine.”

Ratio gives a satisfied nod, grateful that Aventurine can finally see–

“But~”

Nevermind.

“You do have a week.”

Ratio stiffens as he hears those words, fixing Aventurine with a searching look as he tries to find some poorly placed joke in the racer's tone.

“A week.” He echoes with disbelief.

“Yes?”

The doctor doesn’t hold back his sigh this time, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose and even take a slow breath before he prompts with a forced steadiness “What is today?”

He pretends he doesn’t see the way Aventurine checks the phone in his lap before– without missing a beat– answering confidently. “Saturday. So. A little under a week. Same difference really.”

“You did not read the schedule Topaz sent out, did you?” Ratio finally questions. At the very least, he could diagnose the source of the issue quite easily.

“Schedule?” The racer questions, all but confirming Ratio’s suspicions.

It takes everything Ratio has not to start banging his head against the table. “Yes. Topaz put out a schedule to everyone– except you, apparently– for how this week will play out.” He holds out a hand of six, trying to lay things out in the simplest possible way for this fool of a racer. “Your race is Friday, yes? You need to be there Thursday for practice runs and testing the track. Meaning your bike must be on the road Wednesday night at the latest.”

Each time he lists a date, he folds the corresponding finger down, until he has only his pinky, ring, and middle finger raised in the air.

Aventurine smirks, clearly having some opinions on this form of education, but the doctor continues before he can allow the blond to speak it.

“I intend to reserve Tuesday for a test run on familiar ground, then to perform any last minute adjustments before the motorcycle is packed away. Leaving Monday and the remainder of the day. I can work Sunday if I must, but I consider that as my day off, and would not prefer the schedule to be interrupted.”

Though… he supposes he will have all of Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday off while Aventurine is out of town so perhaps he could push it.

Nonetheless, he holds out his pinky a moment longer to allow his point to sink in, then folds his arms once again while watching the blond expectantly. “So perhaps you now understand why an interruption such as this would cause distress.”

“Mhm, I got that,” Aventurine finally concedes with a little tilt of his head, then the grin returns all too quickly as he adds “But, if you’re so worried about progress then why don’t you work now, hm? It’s not like I’ll touch anything y’know. Second rule and all that.”

Now that is only a mockery of the second rule. “Because in order to work, I need to focus .”

The racer doesn’t miss a beat. “Oh? Is my presence too distracting for you, doctor?”

It is. And judging by the way he’s smirking, Aventurine already knows it.

So, doing what any human being with the self respect to not sink into yet another trap, Ratio does the only respectable option.

“Did you only come down here to offer food and a pointless conversation, or do you need me for something?” He prompts instead.

At the very least, he stands up and makes his way towards an open box on the shelf as he asks, completely missing Aventurine’s expression while he rifles through the container.

After removing a protective sheet at the bottom of the large box, he easily finds twin pairs of welding goggles staring back at him. The only reason he had remembered their exact location was because of his bafflement over why a garage with only one or two mechanics would need three sets of welding protective gear. Perhaps, with Aventurine insisting on hanging around, there had been reason after all.

“Hm? Oh. Topaz wanted to know if you were coming to the race or not. Entire trip’s paid for by the IPC, but she’s gotta know in advance.”

Any plans are partly halted by the racer’s words. Something as simple as that? Interrupting the doctor’s work for something that could have been an email?

“I will not be going,” he responds easily, words clipped as he wrestles his own frustration out of the forefront.

Could it have been an email? Yes. Absolutely. But Aventurine is only the messenger and– on this matter at least– doesn’t deserve Ratio’s anger. As such, he takes another deep breath, then brings the welding goggles over to the blond and drops them into his hands. “Put those on.”

He doesn’t wait for confirmation and Aventurine doesn’t give one, instead only asks with clear surprise “Wha- Why not? It’s a free vacation .”

“Because it is not a free vacation, it is a way to keep the mechanic within traveling distance should something go wrong.” Ratio answers in turn, sinking back onto his knees while pulling on his own welding mask and the gloves that go alongside it. “Besides, even if I wanted to attend, I could not due to prior engagements.”

He hears Aventurine say something but can barely hear it over the sound of the welding machine starting up. The next thing he does hear from Aventurine is a quiet hiss, followed by ‘Holy shit that’s bright’ once the doctor begins where he’d left off earlier.

“Did I not just tell you to put on those goggles?” He questions without turning back.

“I did.” The blond responds in turn, as if Ratio can’t hear the slow shhhhk of velcro being pulled and adjusted.

Ratio nearly rolls his eyes at the blatant lie, but he’s already nearly finished. “When I give an instruction, I expect it to be done immediately as there is always a reason.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” Aventurine responds dismissively behind him. “So this ‘prior engagement’, huh? Do you have a date or something?”

If the doctor could shoot the racer a dirty look past the welding shield, he certainly would have just then. Not only is a question like that unprofessional– though, he supposes this entire conversation has been anything but professional– but similarly it is distracting him once again .

This is precisely why he dislikes people being near him while he works.

“No. And frankly, I fail to see how that is of concern to you.” He replies sharply, pressing harder on the welding tool to get this done faster. Nearly there. It may look significantly messier but with this out of the way he can focus on much easier tasks. “But to answer your question: It is purely academic and mandatory .”

“So teacher shit then.” Ratio can practically hear the smile in Aventurine’s voice, and turns his head to the blond to at least simulate a glare. A tactic that apparently works when Aventurine corrects himself with the start of a laugh. “Professor shit. My bad, my bad.”

The doctor sighs, shaking his head to dispel the momentary annoyance and return to his task. He’s almost there . “I have a presentation on the same day as your race, a small college in a smaller city than this, but multiple hours away regardless. Even if I wanted to attend, I would not be able to.”

“Wait… where is this presentation, exactly?” The doctor doesn’t need to see to hear the quiet disbelief in Aventurine’s tone. Part of him is curious of course, though the second part greatly wishes to return to silence again.

“Swalen community college.”

A quiet ‘holy shit’ barely rises above the low buzz of the welding machine, followed by a much louder laugh. “Okay, so you’re not going to believe this…”

He probably wont. “Out with it, Racer.” He demands regardless.

“So fun fact about Swalen: The city funded the construction of a large race track a few years ago. And it’s being reserved in… I don’t know. Less than a week? For a race?”

What are the fucking odds?

Of course, the answer is incredibly unlikely. Hundreds of cities all across the country, most having at least some small community college. Only a select few would have the space, funds, or infrastructure to handle erecting and hosting a large-scale race such as the Penacony Grant Tournament. There are countless community colleges, yet Ratio just so happened to choose the one city on the perfect date for Aventurine’s plans. “Perhaps it is another Swalen.” He suggests haltingly, hoping that his suggestion is true. There has to be some other Swalen, much like there are over 30 springfields in the united states.

He’s left waiting and hoping for nearly a minute before Aventurine responds with a chuckle and a “Nope!” with an excited pop of the ‘P’ and everything. Well isn’t he just having the time of his life while Ratio realizes he may very well have to deal with the blond the entire weekend regardless.

Truly, the gods of this world must be playing a prank on him.

“Soooo~ If we’re going to be in the same city regardless, might as well take advantage of the IPC’s generous offer, right?” The blond suggests next. “Two birds with one stone and all that?”

And Ratio, playing the fool for once in his life, actually considers the offer for too long before sighing, turning the welding tool back on, and mumbles back a quiet “I will think about it.”

He thinks that’s the end of it. And for a few minutes it is. He hears some game fade into the background of white noise caused by the machine next to his ear, but thankfully Aventurine doesn’t speak again. Ratio takes the opportunity to attach the last bit of the rotator clutch to the bike itself, his thoughts looping over a trip spent with Aventurine of all people.

He’d much sooner tear his hair out, of course. Being stuck in close quarters with the blond between three and eight hours?

On one hand, it couldn’t be that bad. Aventurine– for all his reckless decisions and complete disregard for his own safety– is quite intelligent from what the doctor’s witnessed. At least enough to rope Ratio into two separate schemes thus far, and of course to find exactly which lines to prod at and weaponize those later.

That being said, who knows how Aventurine is when being told to sit still for too long? And will Ratio be able to withstand his endless chatter for however long it takes?

More debates are had as he finally eases the line of metal to the very start of the loop and, with a sigh of relief, turns the welding tool off for the final time.

He turns off the welding machine at the same time that he pulls off the mask and sets it aside. His hair is even sweatier now, and stays pulled back when he runs a hand through it. At the cost of his hand now being wet.

“You done?” A voice asks, drawing Ratio out of his blissful few minutes of silence. His gaze returns to Aventurine’s, the racer possessing a smile much more genuine than Ratio’s accustomed to. He can actually read the excitement from the blond’s eyes. The goggles have been pushed into his already-messy hair now, while a phone rests in his lap with bright colors and moving figures flashing over the device every few seconds.

Somehow, even with those ridiculous looking goggles, he still manages to look halfway decent.

How does he do it?

“With that, yes. With the entire motorcycle? Not even close.”

For his effort, he receives a dramatic whine and a certain blond draping himself across the table in protest.

Aventurine’s phone had dinged before they could dive too far into the debate over whether Ratio had ‘done enough for the day’ or not, sparking a different one over whether they should eat in the garage or the kitchen.

Seeing as Ratio had never seen the inside of Aventurine’s home, he had suggested garage. However there was, of course, the fact that Aventurine’s behind and socks had been all over the only reliable flat surface in the garage, and that it’s hot as all hell down there. So, unfortunately for the doctor, he had to concede to the agreement to eat in Aventurine’s home.

His first impression with the inside of the house is… well.

To put it simply whoever had decorated had no idea what interior design is past a few key phrases and words.

A black leather couch sits in the center of the greeting room, accompanied by white end tables and two brown recliners of different shades and notably not leather. The rug under the seating area is colored putrid yellow with probably the most uncomfortable looking fibers Ratio has ever seen. Why anyone would want to stand on that is beyond him, much less to keep the thing.

Plants, vases, and random ornaments decorate every possible surface but nearly each one has slivers of gold or some other feature that makes it overly expensive with no other theme. A glance up confirms a second floor complete with an indoor balcony. The railing is also decorated with overpriced knicknacks.

He's personally affronted when he sees a black, ceramic sculpture of an unsolved rubik's cube sitting in the center of the coffee table.

“Oh, when Caeleb knocks, can you get the door? He already knows the drill and all that.” Aventurine asks as he passes Ratio to get to the kitchen, noticing absolutely nothing wrong with the decor. Though, Ratio supposes he can always file away this, too, as another strange thing the racer does.

After all, he decorates his home with deliberately expensive items, but his chosen leisure ride is a moving safety code. Perhaps it’s a facade he’s pushing? Or a separation between work life and personal life. Even Ratio cannot fault him for that.

But the contrast is far too stark and–

Three loud knocks startle him from his thoughts, earning a jolt from the doctor before he steadies himself and yanks open the front door with a huff.

He isn’t sure what he was expecting on the other side, but the person waiting for him certainly isn’t it.

An older teen, nineteen at the most, bearing a baseball bat strapped to his back and a white bag held delicately in his arms. Messy grey hair falls around his face, barely revealing yellow eyes staring brightly back at Ratio. A name tag barely hangs onto his shirt, spelling Caeleb, except the name itself has been crossed out and rewritten so many times that there is no telling how many other names exist under the permanent black ink.

And yet the thing that catches Ratio’s attention the most when he sees it isn’t the name tag or the concerning question of why a teenager would need a bat in the first place, but instead a mustache. A thick, brown mustache sitting just under Caeleb’s nose. Noticeably crooked with one end quite literally hanging into the corner of the teen’s mouth from where the adhesive meant to hold it into place decided to give out.

And if that isn’t bad enough, suddenly the driver speaks . “I thought it would be Riney opening the door. But congrats on the plot development!”

… What?

“Excuse me?”

Already there is so much to unpack from two sentences, enough to give the doctor whiplash. Apparently when his students use the term ‘blue screening’ they truly mean they blue screen considering Ratio is certainly blanking here. What plot?

Caeleb laughs faintly, before thrusting the bag into Ratio’s arms with a shrug. “It’s nothing, just some trailblazer humor.”

He gets an odd look from the doctor, who only sighs and takes the burden of the bags off the driver’s hands, shaking his head all the while. “I see. Am I expected to tip you or is there a feature already on the app?”

A pause. He can practically see the hamster wheel spinning in that brain of Caeleb’s as he considers how to answer as if his silence isn’t answer enough.

“Well if you want to–”

“I will take that as a negative. Thank you for the delivery.” Ratio responds before Caeleb can finish, closing the door with one final swift nod. Only to turn around and see Aventurine poking his head out from around the corner of the open kitchen wearing a smug grin.

“Soooo what’d you think of Caeleb?” The blond asks with a playful purr to his voice, one that makes Ratio want to roll his eyes.

“Odd and eccentric,” Ratio answers as he pushes past the racer. “Though I suppose that is why you employ him regularly.”

“Hm? I never said that.”

“He called you ‘Riney’.” He explains, depositing the bag onto the table– deliberately ignoring the stripe of dust remaining from Aventurine’s attempt to hide its disuse– and beginning to free it of its contents. “Additionally, he was able to make it to the front door without calling you or having someone call you to verify his identity, meaning he already has gate access.”

Aventurine chuckles quietly. “Smart as always, doctor. But~ I don’t just keep him around for his ‘eccentricities’ y’know.”

Two to-go boxes are pulled out of the bag with ease, though neither are from the same place. One is smaller, black foam with the words ‘SALAD’ written in white paint pen, while the second is much larger and white with a familiar logo on the front.

“He’s also the fastest delivery driver I know. Able to make any delivery in under an hour.”

Either that is an overstatement, or Caeleb actively breaks the law to be here in time. And of course, there’s no telling why he would do anything with a baseball bat strapped to his back.

Though, he supposes as long as he doesn’t cause trouble for Aventurine then it should be no issue what he does on the side.

“I suppose.” The doctor concedes whilst finally putting his sights on the salad he has endured so much of Aventurine’s antics for. A caesar salad with the dressing on the side and a plastic fork already waiting for him. Perfect.

Aaand then he sees what Aventurine had ordered.

That logo suddenly makes all the more sense as the top is flipped up and sitting inside are six sizable triangular pastries covered in powdered sugar, the same pastries that he had seen the very first night they’d met.

Aventurine wastes no time reaching for one, and that familiar spike of concern Ratio has gotten far too familiar with comes back full force when the blond devours half of it in one bite.

Before, he’d simply let it go due to other concerns making themselves known shortly after. Alongside general self control of course. This time, however, there are no other concerns to note. And unfortunately for Ratio, self control is not there to take the wheel.

“Surely those cannot be healthy for you.” He points out whilst staring up at the racer. Three open chairs available and Aventurine decides to stand beside the table to enjoy his sugar-in-a-box. Sure, this is no meal so much as a light snack at best and an overindulgence at worst, but at the very least he could sit . Though, Ratio supposes it’s only fitting that Aventurine’s definition of when and where to sit is warped considering his insistence on using the metal table.

That is besides the point. The point is that he hopes Aventurine doesn’t intend to eat all of those beignets in one sitting.

Aventurine pauses with his mouth full, dual colored eyes blinking at Ratio with puzzlement before he chews, swallows, and gives the start of a laugh. “It’s just a little treat, not the end of the world. Or… Maybe you want one?”

His cheeks are white from where the powder transferred over, his shirt similarly sprinkled with white specks. Somehow one hand had taken the full brunt of the mess while his other was left free. It’s the one free of any powdered sugar that pushes the box towards Ratio in invitation.

“I am quite fine.” He bites out as he pulls his salad closer toward himself with a withering glare at the pastries. Perhaps in any other circumstance he would take one as a treat, but at the moment? Absolutely not.

“Mhm, your loss.” The racer shrugs as he pulls the box towards him once more.

Ratio can only watch with growing concern as Aventurine fishes out his next victim and takes a bite much slower this time. Watching Ratio all the while with an amused glint in his otherwise lightless eyes, as if taunting the doctor for not accepting the offer.

“At least tell me that is not the only thing you’ve eaten today.”

The blond freezes mid-bite. Though his eyes don��t immediately give away the truth, Ratio already knows. After all, his earlier assessment that Aventurine had just woken up still stands.

“Of course it is.” Ratio mutters as he stabs his fork into the salad.

“In my defense ,” Aventurine starts, mouth still full of fried pastry before he grimaces and swallows it down with no water or anything– additional note, he should be drinking water with those regardless– then continues speaking as if he hadn’t nearly choked on powdered sugar and bread. “The nutritionist has a shit idea of what good food tastes like.”

The fork stills entirely, Ratio’s attention once again stolen in full by Aventurine’s words and the mounting mix of horror and overwhelming concern that comes with them.

A nutritionist. Aventurine has a nutritionist.

Logically speaking, it would make sense. After all, racers need to keep a consistent weight to ensure proper traction on the track, and of course the IPC would not like any complications to rise in their dear showpony.

And yet here Aventurine stands, ignoring that nutritionist.

“You have a nutritionist ,” he reiterates, earning a nod “to which is paid to ensure your health . And you eat like this?”

He earns a nonchalant shrug for his effort. “Yeah? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

That’s it. The next time Ratio shows up to work he will be armed with a pocket full of chalk specifically for idiotic statements like that.

First, putting a bucket over one’s head does not save them from a snake they cannot see. He is and will always be a believer in the words ‘ignorance is blight’ for this exact reason.

Second, there is clearly no communication between Aventurine and his paid nutritionist despite a quick conversation likely being able to fix most of the issues. And by the sounds of it, Aventurine has no intention of telling him either.

Really, trying to give an explanation of either would be headache inducing.

“Yes, but it is hurting you,” He chooses instead. “Do you have any idea what eating only sugar and carbs does to one’s body? Even if it is for one day and this is not a common occurrence, it can still lead to digestive issues. For long-term, your risk of heart disease will greatly increase.”

Aventurine doesn’t falter, only abandoning the beignet he’d been working on back into its box and giving a dramatic, drawn out sigh. “And now you sound like my nutritionist.”

“Well forgive me then for caring about your health when you clearly do not.” Ratio snaps finally, only to freeze when Aventurine stiffens. Shoulders tightening considering, the dramatic frown falling to something much more hidden. Pink and blue eyes harden and void of any lingering amusement.

Frankly, Ratio doesn’t understand why the sudden change when he’d been telling the truth. Had he crossed a line? Perhaps, but why would there be a line over concerning oneself with the health of a colleague?

If he had crossed a line, he privately supplies, then perhaps this will be enough to discourage Aventurine’s meddling in his work. The idea doesn’t sound as appealing as he wishes it to be, unfortunately.

Finally, Aventurine’s momentary tension turns into an easy laugh once again– easy only in tone as the doctor recognizes the forced notes hiding just beneath the surface– and once more than confident, entirely unreadable smirk graces his lips.

“Well if you care so much then how about a deal.” His voice smoothes out the same way it had when offering Ratio their very first deal in the cafe, airy voice light and free of concern. At least on the surface. “For the next week I will do whatever you want me to. Drink water? Done. No more sweets? No problem. Only eat what I’m assigned by the nutritionist? … An unfortunate yes.”

Ratio’s brow raises in question and cursed curiosity at the sudden offer, crossing his arms expectantly. “And the trade off?”

Aventurine’s grin widens though it doesn’t reach his eyes. He offers a hand as he continues. “You and I ride together to Swalen. What you do after that is up to you.”

…

That’s a horrible deal on Aventurine’s part, and the racer clearly knows it even as he waits patiently for an answer. Very little gain, with a week of sacrifices to trade for it. For Ratio himself it becomes a question of how far he will go to ensure this idiot doesn’t accidentally kill himself with his own disregard for his personal health. For a week of course, but a week is enough time to establish healthier habits.

Assuming Aventurine will pick apart his own deal for loopholes, it also becomes a question of how much the doctor is willing to tolerate of the blond.

But why trade all of that for being stuck in a car with Ratio for sixteen hours? What gain is there in that?

“Well, doctor? Do we have a deal?”

#suicide clutch #hsr aventurine #hsr dr ratio #ratiorine #hsr fanfic

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peterdiaz · 2 years

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The Value of Having a Professional Business Speaker Address Your Employees

Regardless of what position you hold inside your organization, each position accompanies its own tensions and stress. This is valid whether you are a worker attempting to find lasting success, useful and push forward with the organization or somebody in a key positions attempting to show your capacity. Numerous representatives manage a wide range of weight consistently. An excess of stress can prompt diminished efficiency, a negative disposition, and in the long run medical conditions like gloom. As a business, it is an aspect of your responsibilities to keep all degrees of representatives persuaded and working in a positive climate. Workers need inspirational help to remain positive and keep the craving to serious areas of strength for succeed.

By giving representatives inspiration, workers remain on track and keep on pushing ahead in the correct bearing. They will be more useful and work better with others. Their psyche is clear of dread and stress and the objectives of your business are a main concern. Many individuals have sufficient pressure beyond work and keeping it there is hard. At the point when work adds its own tensions, representatives can be over-burden and lost. One of the most incredible ways of keeping workers from encountering these things is to give inspiration by employing an expert business speaker. The cash and time spent will be offset by the expansion in efficiency and make it worth while.

Workplace wellbeing speaker are regularly entirely learned with regards to supporting each sort of representative and talking on key business subjects. A worker can zero in additional on what they should do when they have constant inspiration. Inspiration isn't required in light of the fact that your representatives are deficient, but since an enormous responsibility and different tensions can cause them to feel depleted, baffled, and have a urgent requirement for change in their life.

Utilize the speaker as an administration instrument to assist with further developing the general workplace and keep work tension down. Representatives will work better together and partake in their undertakings more. Many organizations need their representatives to function collectively to achieve a bunch of objectives that will assist the organization with finding success. A representative who has low resolve, is over-burden, or disappointed with a circumstance at work can be negative, lose inventiveness and not cooperate with other people. Once more a decent speaker can turn this demeanor around and make them an important resource for the organization. On the off chance that deals are down or a major undertaking is excessively, the speaker can give your representatives methods to increment deals, have better using time productively, and foster little achievements to make projects less upsetting.

There are many justifications for why an expert business speaker can be important to your organization. They can transform practically any terrible circumstance into a positive one and assist any worker with finding lasting success. Many tips and procedures they offer can be utilized to push an uplifting outlook along among your workers. They can likewise rouse chiefs and give them ways to be an incredible director and taking care of different representative circumstances. Anything your workers are encountering, this is one of the most incredible ways of pushing them ahead and get the productivity and results you need.

For more details, visit us :

Employee productivity speaker

Interview with mental health professional

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#Professional mental health speaker #International speaker #Mental health keynote speakers #Resilience keynote speakers

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readersmagnet · 3 months

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Lynda Drake author, and educator, has experienced the peace and power that comes from letting go of the illusion of perfection. She also do life coaching for parents of kids with mental health issues, a professional speaker, and a group facilitator. She attributes this to raising her three powerfully imperfect children with labels including Down syndrome, autism, mood disorder, diabetes, attention deficit disorder, severe allergies, anxiety, and depression.

You are not alone in what you go through and that you can do this job called 'parenting', maybe not perfectly, but you can do it with love! Visit https://www.lyndadrake.com/ to learn more about tools in caring imperfect children.

#LyndaDrake #ThePowerofImperfectParents #ReadersMagnet #CaringImperfectChildren #MentalHealthIssues

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daskolas · 1 year

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Hello 💗 Could you please describe Lilith and Chiron sextile MC ? (Lilith conjunct Chiron)

Hey!Sorry for answering your ask late.

LILITH SEXTILE MC

At a public level, many people can try to tarnish your image due to jealousy.

In your workplace, you will try to express yourself. Doing things that make you feel like yourself like bringing creativity.

People with Lilith aspecting MC do not like working under people. They would rather be independent than getting orders from people.

They also do not take criticism nicely in the workplace. They might show that they're fine with it but at the end, you might start resenting that person.

As Lilith also represents sensuality, so people can see you as alluring or someone who is there to get work done instead of playing around.

Many people with this placement are also not afraid to speak up with the issues they are facing in the workplace. They will readily call out people on their favouritism.

They also tend to go for career path which has not been taken by any person in their family. It can be because of their rebellious nature or maybe they don't want to associate themselves with many of their family members.

You will also be interested in talking about topics which can make other people uncomfortable.

People with this placement also turn to careers like mental health professionals, medical field or occult. Things which have stigma surrounded by it or maybe even in legal field.

You can also have power struggle with authorities like your boss or your father.

CHIRON SEXTILE MC

You are inclined to career where you can find yourself. A career by which you can heal yourself.

You can be interested in fields like being a mental health professional. As by being in this career, you are giving a space which was not provided to you.

You can also be interested in being a speaker or being provided a space where you can share your personal experience and help other people who are going through the same thing.

You also can use your past wounds to move forward with your life.

People with this aspect are also interested in using their words to clear out stigma around the topics which are considered taboo

#astrology #astro community #astro notes #lilith sextile mc #chiron sextile mc #lilith #chiron #mc

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kruemel8 · 5 months

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i need to say sth which might be an unpopular opinion but this is about the last live omar did because I have seen some awful comments that his live was boring or similar.

I believe instinclty that if the live had been in swedish or spanish omar's positive energy would have come out even more but talking and doing a live for thousands of people in a language that is not your common language is so hard!!! I remember doing oral presentations when I was in school which were in english and I often wanted to say so much more about that topic and would try to convice the audience from my performance but it is not easy to do that if you are not a native speaker. I would often forget the vocabulary (which is totally normal I even forget the words sometimes in my own language). And that man is balancing between three (!!!) languages. Of course it is not perfect (although imo his english skills have so much improved and it feels like he is way more comfortable in speaking english now) but if you are not a native speaker then it will never be perfect.

So no I don't think it was boring, he was just so happy and overwhelmed and even said in the beginning that he's been playing with lyrics the whole day. Everyone who had to write a term paper one for example will totally understand that feeling when your brain is empty at the end of the day. I personally loved his live, his energy, the happiness, the sarcasm and his excitement. It totally came through and I think that should be acknowleged more. I know he is very busy but I love when he goes live and interacts with the fans. Also the way he was smiling and glowing, it made my day!!!

Really?! I have seen no such things. If people cannot acknowledge that he was tired (and he said so several times) that’s their problem. You could totally see that he went live because it was announced beforehand and that’s what I call professional. People have to ask better questions and not the same shit like they always do. I always watch his lives without seeing the questions, it’s better for my mental health 🤯. Kudos to him for being such a good sport answering the most ridiculous questions over and over again. Thank you for the ask. 💜

#omar deserves the world #omar rudberg

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mostremote · 9 months

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reflecting on 2023, thoughts for 2024, long personal post

How would I sum up 2023? Well, it's certainly been productive. Securing a permanent position at a university I adore is unreal, and I still subconsciously assume there's been a mistake and they'll fire me any day now. After what was essentially 7 years of precarity, having professional stability is absolutely wild. I love my job, I love my students, I love my colleagues, and it's insane to me that I seem to have actually "made it" professionally.

My second book is coming out with a Big Publisher and that's very nice too. I don't have much emotional attachment to that project, but it took a lot of work and I'm satisfied that it is reaching its appropriate conclusion. I will make, I am sure, zero money out of it, but that's academic publishing for you lol

I gave my first keynote paper at a (cute, small) conference, so that was also a milestone. I also organised a very successful conference in which like 1/4 of the speakers cited my work, which was absolutely surreal and made me want to disappear into the ground.

I made a huge amount of progress on my novel, it's pretty much finished, and my one real resolution for 2024 is to make a proper effort to get it published. I'll wait until my academic book is out to start that process, but that's the one resolution I'm setting for myself. I don't know if I'll have any luck (it's not exactly a book with mass appeal) but I want to at least give it a shot.

Healthwise, well. It's been a ride. A good ride, but a ride nonetheless. I switched medications for my chronic illness, coming off a really major one and getting onto a much milder one, as I've been basically asymptomatic. This is good news all round: I've adapted well to the new meds, and I don't have to deal with all the nasty side effects of the old meds (they fuck you up long term). The main problem I have now is that I can't drink much alcohol, but that's a small price to pay for good health.

But one side effect of the medication was weight gain. I gained around a stone after I'd been on it for a year but I figured that was just "not being in your early 20s anymore" weight gain. Turns out nope! I haven't weighed myself lately but I have visibly lost a lot of weight and it's a little disconcerting to be suddenly, well, very skinny again. I look much younger and smaller. It's not bad, it's just a stark difference to adjust to and not something I was expecting to happen in my 30s.

I've also adjusted my hormone regimen. I don't have any long term plans (i never do lol) but I've been enjoying playing more with feminine presentations. I'm just, comfortable with my body and happy with who I am. How about that!

Mental healthwise, hoo boy. Let's address my being cursed by an ancient amulet and becoming crushingly obsessed with the fictional villain of The Hunger Games. I haven't spoken about this on here but The Shivering Season is significantly informed by my own experiences with different forms of abuse and mental health problems, and I have been processing a lot while writing it. Sometimes I've had anxiety attacks while writing, which never happens to me! There was a point before Christmas I was having anxiety attacks at random everyday, just hanging out watching TV, because it seems I was bringing so much stuff to the surface. And I seem to have worked through some things, because the intrusive sexual abuse thoughts/fantasies I have experienced compulsively for, idk, 15+ years have gone. Completely gone. Really, really weird! I need to go back to therapy about this but I just don't know how to explain "I became obsessed with The Hunger Games and now I have 70% less trauma" in a normal way.

And I have been extremely manic these past 2 months. That is probably obvious from how I've been posting, but jesus christ. I wake up at 5am, I fall asleep at 11pm (and as someone who historically needs 8-9 hours every night, this is significant). I write thousands of words almost every day. I am generally inclined to periods of mania, but this is extremely intense and it has lasted since the start of November. I'm scared of crashing, both because this hyperproductivity is giving me a lot of positive brain chemicals and because I don't know what kind of person I'll be if it goes. Will the intrusive thoughts come back? I don't want them to! I've been very happy without them!!

And that's the conclusion, really: I've had a very happy year. I'm mistrustful of happiness, but I am still happy. I don't know what to expect of 2024, but I am optimistic, and content, and marvelling at in what a good place I'm in now compared to how I was.

Happy new year!

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syls-chaos · 8 months

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A PSA

It has come to my attention that some people consider their interactions with people who experience mental health issues as appropriate examples to illustrate points when they speak in church.

First of all, I encourage anyone considering sharing a story that fits into that category to consider your lowest moment, and think about how you would feel if a friend, family member, or acquaintance shared that with anywhere between fifty and several hundred strangers. What would you feel like if someone took things you shared in a vulnerable moment and shared them with others? That can be trust-shattering. If you truly think that a story can be helpful to a lesson or a talk, make sure that you are getting informed consent from the person whose story you would be sharing. Make sure that you are omitting any personal or private details that are not necessary.

Second, think about the message that you are sending with the way you talk about this issue. Pretend that you are speaking directly to someone who is in a similar situation or feeling similar pain. Are you sending them the message that the reason they are suffering is that they do not have enough faith? Are you prescribing Jesus, faith, or miraculous healing to something that can and should be treated with professional help? Mental illness is illness. There are researchers and medical practitioners, as well as other professionals, who have centered their career around helping those who struggle with mental illness in one way or another. While religion, faith, and miracles can be helpful to some, a focus on purely religious healing methods can hinder people from seeking actual help. If you would not suggest a religious solution for physical diseases, do not do so for mental illness.

Third, think about what else you could include in your talk. There are many, many ways to illustrate points, and a number of stories that highlight miracles. You do not have to use someone's mental illness and vulnerability to testify of God. Be thoughtful about what you choose to speak about. There are ways to make those with mental illness and similar struggles feel seen, heard, and welcome, without sharing very personal and private stories in a public forum. There are ways to encourage those who struggle to seek help, get help, and cling to hope for the future without stories like these.

In my personal experience, as someone who struggles with my mental health and has for years, I have seldom come across a story being shared like this that has made me feel seen, heard, welcome, or encouraged. In fact, it makes me wonder if and when my own story will be shared from a pulpit, preaching Jesus as the cure to something that I still struggle with. When stories like this are shared, I lose the ability to connect with the speaker's point and feel the spirit. My experience is not the only one that exists, and I am not trying to say that everyone is negatively impacted by these stories. I am simply sharing my personal experience to illustrate that some stories are not appropriate to share.

And some stories, whether or not they are appropriate for an environment, are not your story to tell.

#stake conference #lds #queerstake #mental health #boundaries #religious

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ramblings-of-a-fangirl-blog · 2 months

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Embracing Mental Health? Looking At The Companion’s Approach

I want to write about The Companion's focus on mental health and their related projects.

When The Companion first announced their book, several of my friends and I had mixed feelings. While the project had the potential to help many, it also had the capacity to cause harm, and we weren't sure which way it would go, since The Companion had not proven to be a safe space by then. By now, these initial concerns have not only been confirmed but have even surpassed our expectations in a negative way, sadly.

It’s clear that the people at The Companion never have experienced a certain... form of mental health struggle, because if they had, they would be well be aware of the issues and dangers that come with the way they are handling the project, and they would therefore be talking and acting differently. To some degree that’s a good thing, as I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy to have the experiences I had and am having, the experiences that part of my fandom friends have, the experiences that a lot of traumatised people go through. However, there are people who – as far as I’m aware – aren’t struggling with mental health themselves and still have voiced the same concerns, showing that it's possible to recognize the problems with The Companion's approach without having experienced severe mental health struggles firsthand.

The Companion is months into lauding themselves of promoting mental health awareness, yet they haven’t been consulting professionals. This is apparent in their lack of adherence to trauma-informed practices. I won't delve into the principles of trauma-informed practice, such as safety, trustworthiness, choice, collaboration, and empowerment, or the topic of trauma and its consequences as that would go beyond the scope of this text and you can look that up. These principles are however essential for handling sensitive topics like mental health.

When The Companion announced the book, our primary concern was the safety of the submission process. What would they do to ensure us that submitting stories would be safe, to show us they are trustworthy? How would they handle the story selection transparently? How would they support those, whose stories were not chosen, to minimize the risk of flashbacks, mental breakdowns, or re-traumatization due to rejection? The answer has become clear: they won’t. They have not made any effort to assure contributors that their stories will be handled safely and respectfully. Instead, they have set numerous guidelines for what “they’re looking for”, what constitutes a “good” story, turning it into a writing contest. If your story isn’t chosen, it seems it’s your fault for being a bad writer. They also disregard dyslexic individuals or non-native English speakers, as submissions with “typos and grammatical errors” might also be rejected. They aren’t just not providing information on how they will handle rejections in a trauma-informed manner but placing the burden of rejection squarely on the writer. Their message is essentially: “Be vulnerable, be open, be emotional, but if this process or the rejection leads to mental health issues and triggers you, that’s not our problem, it’s not even something we’ll address in any way because it doesn’t even cross our minds that it could be a problem.” Safety is among other things fostered through giving information and thereby the chance to mentally prepare oneself, to know what to expect – what’s going to happen, when and how. Give me as much control about the process as possible. However, the submission process lacks more information. When submitting, contributors agree that their stories can be used in “any other project and format,” which is such an unclear wording that it offers no reassurance at all that I will have control over how my story will be used once I submit it. There is no information on if and how a submitted story can be edited. And there’s the info that the submission can be withdrawn but not a clear deadline. The fact that they’re not publishing all questions at once, while to some degree understandable, goes again against the principle of providing control and safety. If I know what all the questions are that gives me the option to calmly decide for which question my story would fit best. Of course, an easy dismissal could be, “If you’re too unstable to submit stories, don’t participate,” but considering this is all about embracing mental health, such a stance would be cynical.

Beyond the submission process, there have been other red flags throughout the project. Starting with the price: $99. For that amount, I can buy three handmade quiet activity books for children, which literally take hours to make. It’s hard to believe the printing of one single book costs $99, and hard to believe one could set a price before having any content ready. Transparency about the cost would help, and no, vague descriptions like "little details," "holes in the cover," or "a thread" do not count as transparency. I can buy an awl for $4 and make my own holes, and a piece of thread costs less than $1. These titbits of information do not explain the cost. We are unable to imagine what could justify the cost but even if we assume the book actually costs $99 to print, this price makes it unaffordable for those most in need. If the price is not something that makes you think, you likely can afford therapy well. You are privileged. Still, how can you not see that the price is an issue for others and that a book about/for mental health should never cost that much? I can get books by actual professionals like Bessel van der Kolk or Bruce Perry for a fraction of that price. Also, what about the Kickstarter? A Kickstarter to pre-order books and to cover all additional expenses for design and whatnot would’ve made sense. Yet not only is it unclear what a Kickstarter is needed for now, it also was originally announced to be starting at Basingstoke and without any information it just got postponed. I repeat: Creating safety by giving information would be the trauma-informed approach but that’s not happening. “But it will be available for free online!” All the promotional focus has been on the physical book's aesthetics, how good it will feel in your hands, how shiny it will look, how many details it will have. Those struggling with mental health and financial instability won’t get that tactile experience. So... is it more important for the book to look as fancy as possible or to be affordable and accessible to those who truly need it? The Companion’s priorities seem clear: appearance over accessibility. After all, it’s all they’ve focused on during the promotion: “This is how good the book will look” instead of “Here’s how we will make the story collection process safe for you,” which – again – is what most actually traumatised people actually wanted to know. The priorities are... weird. Making the book less shiny to make it more affordable doesn’t seem to be an option and by that, they fail the goal of supporting people struggling with mental health, in my opinion.

In fact, throughout this whole process, there has been so much focus on the marketing part and hardly any on the ‘embracing mental health’ part, outside of the interviews. Most recent example from the pin campaign: The email I just received, “Pledge until midnight to get these freebies.” But also other examples from the book, like the fact that the pre-orders had a limited number. “Give a sense of urgency and scarcity to get people to buy quickly” is a marketing strategy that, in my opinion, has no place in a project that is about mental health, where people need time to make decisions, where people need time to save money, where people don’t need to be put under additional stress, and where people might take time-outs of social media and newsletters for mental health reasons. Another focus has been counting numbers. “Let’s get xxx subscribers! Let’s get xxx people to join the waiting list!” Again, a potentially fun way to promote a project or a company. Yet again, focusing so much on such a superficial thing instead of a trauma-informed approach and instead of, say, a discussion about how to support people struggling on social media, makes the priorities weird again. ...because throughout the months I’ve seen various people writing about being at a low point in terms of mental health, in reply to posts by The Companion, and the supposedly so supportive fandom didn’t react.

What even does “embracing mental health as a fandom” mean, outside of the interviews? The Social Hour chats? The Companion did a good job at showing right away that this was not a safe space for me, by starting with the question of “What smell reminds you of childhood?” and expecting nice, fluffy answers. My answer is “vomit” and it’s not memories I want to talk about, nor do I want to listen to other people’s nice, fluffy childhood memories. That question made it clear right away: Not well-suited for people with cPTSD. The 60 for 60 challenge to get people thinking about things? The first post I saw was the question “What if you were forced to do a do-over, how would you relive your life in 2024 as a 15-year-old?” and my first thought was, “if I had to relive my life as a 15-year-old in the situation that I was in as a 15-year-old but with the knowledge I have now, I wouldn’t. I’d off myself.” And that thought was immediately followed by anxiety and flashbacks. Only on a second look at the post did I see that it didn’t specifically state that it would have to be the same situation that the person was in as a 15-year-old, but then, that quickly also made me want to ignore that challenge. Positivity chitchat? Positivity is good. Looking for glimmers is good. Toxic positivity isn’t. The focus on post-traumatic growth, a concept that hasn’t actually been properly validated by research, isn’t. Yet this is what The Companion aimed at with their questions for the green room sessions not once but twice: “The last few years have been really tough for many of us and our lives have changed. What’s one way your life has changed for the better you’d like to share with the group?” “Reflecting on the challenges you've faced, what's one positive insight or lesson you've gained that you'd like to share with others?” A friend commented that they’d dare The Companion people to ask Amanda with a straight face what positive insight she gained from experiencing eight miscarriages. The questions can be answered if your mental health struggles aren’t related to trauma or if they don’t go beyond a certain depth of struggle. Together with the financial situation, the target group of this project seems to be people with good income who struggle with life challenges such as the death or sickness of loved ones, bullying at work, etc. All very serious issues and things that are bound to have a negative impact on mental health. That’s just one subgroup of people struggling with mental health, though. And I’m not saying that there aren’t people with PTSD and cPTSD who have benefited from what The Companion is doing, I’m sure there are. I'm also not expecting The Companion to be a trigger-free space – that's impossible given the different life experiences of people. However, having a professional supervising the process and adherence to trauma-informed principles is not too much to ask.

The middle-term consequences? While I'm speaking primarily from my own experience, some friends share similar concerns. The middle-term consequence is that what comes with these projects is an additional stress factor for conventions, it makes me feel additionally unsafe. I can unsubscribe from The Companion’s newsletter, avoid their social media and just not keep track of these projects anymore. I have however been going to Stargate conventions and conventions with Amanda regularly. I ended up struggling with additional anxiety after The Companion’s panel at Basingstoke. I’ve skipped the last two conventions in the USA despite having the time and money to attend. The heavy presence of people who are clearly not trauma-informed and the fact that I can identify them by their T-shirts and hoodies, makes me feel unsafe. If you actively support a company that's selling a book that’s aimed at mental health and costs $99, I don’t trust you. For the moment, I’m not sure what that means when it comes to Amanda. I owe her so much. I’m not sure if I would be here if it hadn’t been for her kindness and care. I appreciate and respect her deeply and am immensely grateful. Yet, I struggle to understand how she’d support a $99 book and that makes feel disconnected from her, too, even if I don't doubt the good intentions, and I know of others who are feeling similary. I don’t know what this will mean, moving forward. The thought of the potential loss of one safe person and one safe space is stressful. In addition to the impact on conventions, there’s the danger of people feeling once again (and by ‘once again’ I mean given their traumatic past experiences) excluded. The message seems to be: “You’re not alone. But no, not like that. If you’re not stable enough, here’s a list with professionals. You don’t get to be part of this clique because we’re not going to care about being trauma-informed and a safe space. You’re too broken for our group.” (On a side note, I find it interesting that none of us can connect to the whole hype around the enamel pins. If I were to wear a mood pin, I’d choose something simpler like the Mood Tracker by AtelierEumori. However I very probably wouldn’t tell strangers my mental health state to start with as it would feel unsafe and with safe friends I would talk directly if needed, so I wouldn’t use a pin to start with, but then different people have different preferences. If the pins by The Companion help even one person that’s good.) So, for me and some of my friends, The Companion’s approach not only fails to support a subgroup of people struggling with mental health but actively contributes to further distress.

“You’re just a hater, looking for something to complain about.” I don’t actively participate in social media; I primarily use it to stay up to date with news from the pages I follow. I have, however, seen some public criticism directed at The Companion. It’s notable that this criticism is often met with dismissal or even attacks from The Companion’s followers, while The Companion itself remains silent. Outside of a form after the initial interview with Amanda, there hasn’t been an option to provide anonymous feedback, nor has The Companion created a safe enough space for non-anonymous feedback to be feasible. I know of persons who have refrained from voicing the points, the critique I’m discussing here because they fear hateful responses. This is particularly problematic because a key feature of trauma is the experience of being silenced. Personally, I wasn’t allowed to voice or even have an opinion as a child and teen, as daring to voice any protest would immediately result in additional abuse. This situation presents again a risk for re-traumatization and further marginalizes those already struggling with their mental health. The silence that comes from people not daring to speak up leads to a sense of “I’m overreacting, I must be a bad person.” Déjà-vu. Only once I started speaking with others I noticed that I’m not at all alone with these concerns, that I’m not the only person who’s experiencing a negative impact on their mental health from what The Companion is doing. The aim of this post is not to get The Companion to change, the damage is done. The aim is to make others who might feel alone with these thoughts feel less alone.

Edit: It's 'you should forgive your abuser' now. I’m speechless… Just a quick reminder for all survivors out there: No, you don’t need to forgive to heal.

#amanda tapping

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nostalgebraist · 8 months

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@monadique replied to your post “Last weekend I read most of J. D. Salinger's Glass...”:

I love the Glass family! Been ages since I read them but would be interested to hear your thoughts on the collection if you had any more?

Sure.

Spoilers for the works listed here under the cut

Here's something that jumped out at me when reading "Raise High" and "Seymour."

(It jumped out so strongly that I want to say it's an obvious surface feature of the text, and barely worth mentioning. But I can never tell what is and isn't "obvious," so I'll mention it.)

In "Raise High," we hear that Seymour and his fiancé have been up late on the night before their wedding, engaged in a conversation about how Seymour is -- in his words (?) -- "too happy to get married":

But what man in his right mind, the night before he’s supposed to get married, keeps his fiancé up all night blabbing to her all about how he’s too happy to get married and that she’ll have to postpone the wedding till he feels steadier or he won’t be able to come to it? Then, when his fiancée explains to him like a child that everything’s been arranged and planned out for months [...] he says to her he’s terribly sorry but he can’t get married till he feels less happy or some crazy thing! Use your head, now, if you don’t mind. Does that sound like somebody normal?

Meanwhile, various characters (including the speaker here) voice the opinion that Seymour is mentally unwell, and in need of help.

They're not very likable witnesses, these characters. In terms of the surface logic of the story, we're clearly "meant" to view these characters as clueless busybodies, and we are meant to view their proposed course of action -- subjecting Seymour to 1950s-style psychoanalysis until he's "better" -- as amusingly useless at best.

And anyway, that course of action has already been tried. By this point, Seymour has already had a lengthy conversation to his mother-in-law's analyst -- as we learn later in "Raise High." And in "Zooey," we are told that all the Glass children were examined in childhood by a variety of specialists in "clinical, social, and newsstand psychology." In the latter story, Zooey says sarcastically:

"If you get any more ideas, like last night, of phoning Philly Byrnes' goddam psychoanalyst for Franny, just do one thing—that's all I ask. Just think of what analysis did for Seymour." He paused for emphasis. "Hear me? Will you do that?"

(Though it's unclear if this refers to some earlier episode, or just to the analyst conversation described in "Raise High.")

In sum, "Raise High" does not "want" us to worry over Seymour's mental health. Indeed, the narrative voice seems actively angry about the very idea of doing so.

But, of course, several years later -- Seymour Glass killed himself.

And, of course, "Raise High" is narrated by his brother Buddy, who's obviously feeling defensive of Seymour during the incident related in the story, and who has even more reason to be defensive (among other things) about Seymour at the (later, post-suicide) time of the story's composition.

Now, "Raise High" is paired in a single published volume with another, much stranger story, also written in-story by Buddy Glass: "Seymour, An Introduction."

Early on in "Seymour," Buddy tells us that he is "ecstatically happy." By this he seems to mean he is in some profoundly atypical mental/spiritual state, whose connection to the ordinary denotation of the word "happy" is somewhat mysterious:

Professionally speaking, which is the only way I’ve ever really enjoyed speaking up (and, just to ingratiate myself still less, I speak nine languages, incessantly, four of them stone-dead)—professionally speaking, I repeat I’m an ecstatically happy man. I’ve never been before. Oh, once, perhaps, when I was fourteen and wrote a story in which all the characters had Heidelberg dueling scars—the hero, the villain, the heroine, her old nanny, all the horses and dogs. I was reasonably happy then, you might say, but not ecstatically, not like this.

In "Raise High," Seymour's professed state of "happiness" coincided with staying up all night, and a sudden (?) urge to call off his wedding. Call it off, specifically, "until he feels more steady."

In one diary entry quoted later in "Raise High," Seymour writes:

I felt unbearably happy all evening.

In a later entry, "happiness" is again paired with insomnia:

Oppenheim is already in the sack. I should be, too, but I can’t. Someone must sit up with the happy man.

And then there is this:

Oh, God, if I’m anything by a clinical name, I’m a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.

This sentence causes Buddy, reading the diary, to have the following reaction (my emphasis):

I remember closing the diary—actually, slamming it shut—after the word “happy.” I then sat for several minutes with the diary under one arm, until I became conscious of a certain discomfort from having sat so long on the side of the bathtub. When I stood up, I found I was perspiring more profusely than I had all day, as though I had just got out of a tub, rather than just been sitting on the side of one.

What is this "happiness" of Seymour's?

It could all just be eccentric behavior. But -- especially given Seymour's later suicide -- it seems plausible that this bout of "happiness" is, in fact, a manic episode.

That interpretation jibes with the apparent effects of "happiness" in Buddy's case. Just after the part of "Seymour" quoted above ("Professionally speaking..."), Buddy goes on to explain what "happiness" does to a writer:

To the point: I happen to know, possibly none better, that an ecstatically happy writing person is often a totally draining type to have around. Of course, the poets in this state are by far the most “difficult,” but even the prose writer similarly seized hasn’t any real choice of behavior in decent company; divine or not, a seizure’s a seizure. And while I think an ecstatically happy prose writer can do many good things on the printed page—the best things, I’m frankly hoping—it’s also true, and infinitely more self-evident, I suspect, that he can’t be moderate or temperate or brief; he loses very nearly all his short paragraphs. He can’t be detached—or only very rarely and suspiciously, on down-waves. In the wake of anything as large and consuming as happiness, he necessarily forfeits the much smaller but, for a writer, always rather exquisite pleasure of appearing on the page serenely sitting on a fence. Worst of all, I think, he’s no longer in a position to look after the reader’s most immediate want; namely, to see the author get the hell on with his story.

As we read on, we discover that "Seymour" is a very, very strange document. And very much the sort of thing a person might produce under the influence of mania.

It buzzes with energy, yet is oddly directionless; it flies at immense speed, and yet goes nowhere. The implied writer seems unable to leave any thought uncommitted to paper, and equally unable to hold back the churning tide of thought-after-thought-after-thought inside his own mind.

The tone is ecstatic, but ecstatic in an odd, off way: giddy with mirth over some private joke, convinced that something marvelous is occurring (or has occurred) without being able to spell out what. Most of all, though "Seymour" treats its title character with hagiographic reverence, the ecstasy of the voice doesn't seem to be primarily about Seymour, or indeed about anything. We learn a lot of things about Seymour in the course of "Seymour" -- eventually, anyway -- but many of them are hilariously trivial in nature, and do not seem prepared or arranged to convey anything in particular about Seymour the man. (The title is amusingly ironic: whatever "Seymour, an Introduction" does, it certainly does not "introduce" Seymour in the comprehensive and quasi-scholarly fashion implied.)

----

So, that's the "obvious" thing that stood out to me.

"Happy," in these two stories, appears to mean "manic." Buddy Glass is bipolar, and so is his brother.

"Seymour" is "Raise High" inverted. In "Raise High" we see Seymour's mania through the clear glass of Buddy at the height of his writerly powers (but at a glancing angle, due to Buddy's partisanship on the subject) -- while in "Seymour," apparently ordinary incidents from Seymour's boyhood are fragmented and made dazzling by the shattered mirror of Buddy's own mania.

Is that "true"? I don't know.

Maybe this is too resistant a reading; maybe I'm meant to think that the "busybodies" were just-plain-wrong, that Seymour was a bodhisattva, and that "Seymour" is a straightforwardly beautiful piece of prose.

It is noteworthy, though, that everything (?) about the Glass narrative reaches us via Buddy Glass. Salinger makes a point of this, as though it matters. Most of the later stories are explicitly "written by" Buddy -- but earlier stories like "Bananafish" also get retconned to "always have been" Buddy Glass compositions, rather than just J. D. Salinger stories.

Indeed, in the case of "Bananafish," we're directly told to view Buddy as an unreliable narrator; apparently, whatever Seymour Glass' last day was like, it wasn't quite like that.

The final story, "Hapworth 16, 1924," is a long letter written by Seymour. And yet it too -- weirdly! -- is explicitly placed in Buddy-shaped quotation marks, with a preface written by Buddy presenting it as a old letter he's conveniently just happened to find sitting around.

I'm left uncertain about how to read "Hapworth," in light of this, and in light of the interpretation of "Seymour" above.

It's possible that Buddy himself fabricated it, as I saw one reviewer suggest. This would fit with the sheer weirdness of it (drawing a line between it and "Seymour"), and with the overall sense that the whole Glass saga is being unreliablely-narrated by Buddy and colored by his evolving mental/emotional state.

Except... I don't feel like that fits? "Hapworth" is weirdly written, but it's weirdly written in a very different way from "Seymour."

It lacks the out-of-control digressiveness we saw in "Seymour," and the nested, spiraling sentence structure. In their place is another very strange type of prose, with its own sense of unrelenting ecstasy that feels somehow off, not really about the surface subject matter, the product of some relentless inner engine running along the lines of a wholly inner logic. (For 7-yo Seymour, it seems that everything is "heartrending" and "amusing" and so on; the same terms of approbation are applied so uniformly that they lose all meaning.)

But the prose of "Hapworth" doesn't feel out-of-control, the way the prose of "Seymour" very obviously (and deliberately) did. The kid knows what he wants to say, and he says it, immediately and directly. One feels the content is driving the style, rather than being held back by it.

If "Hapworth" isn't a Buddy Glass fabrication, what is it?

If it's authentic Seymour, then Seymour really is a bodhisattva -- or at least, a true prophet, a clairvoyant who foresaw his own death and other things besides.

And yet he doesn't talk and act like we'd expect a bodhisattva to talk. He can be kind of a dick, for one thing; for another, he's just weird (to use that word once again) in a way that doesn't really seem derivable from sainthood, or even from child-prodigyhood.

Maybe he is a new kind of thing entirely. A god incarnated in 20th century New York, as imagined by a very innovative and very peculiar (real-world) author. Maybe mania, or at least "happiness," is part of the earthly package for such a god. If so, then we must pity poor Buddy, saddled with his brother's curse of "happiness" without, like his brother, receiving godhood in exchange for it.

(But even then -- what sort of line should we draw between the eerie, JEDD-Mason-like superintelligent alien of "Hapworth," and the only-mildly-eccentric adult of the diary entries in "Raise High"? It seems challenging to reconcile the two.)

#monadique #salinger tag?

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