#R. J. Lupin | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

slayingqueenchal · 2 years ago

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Beautiful moon | remus lupin x f!reader

Notes : sixth year, some headcannons ( not noticeable ), angst

monthly post (old wip that I just finished)

"The full moon is beautiful isnt it? " You said, reading a book, and looking at the moon. It wasnt a full moon yet, but you knew it was right around the corner.

"No, it sucks,its ugly and has scar like spots" Remus spat, receiving the attention of James, who you two were with, sitting at their own dorm.

"What? It's beautiful, really, I mean, look at the moon, and the spots, honestly if the moon was just gray and smooth I don't think it'll be pretty without the so called 'imperfections' I think it's pretty because of it! "

Remus raises his head, and sat on his bed silently, if only you knew what he has to endure every month.

The Painfulness, the humiliation when he walked through the halls and met Severus after the full moon.

But either way you said it in such, beautiful poetic way, in a way that Remus has only felt, because of you.

Even though he has alot of support, he has never felt something like that before, but what's worse is that you didn't know about his little problem.

But he wants to keep it this way, for you to see him as an equal, for you to not be scared of what beast he holds, every month.

Because, you are very dear to him. Not in a way were lily or Marlene or Mary is very dear to him, but it's in a very different way.

Sure they were nice but, you were different. You supported him through everything even though you knew nothing.

Remus is afraid that he'll hurt you, in any way, he is scared. He is scared that he'll be rude to you, or scream to you, or even worse : physically hurting you.

"It's okay to have feelings, moony, admit it" James said, after you left. "I don't want feelings like this, you know that, I'll hurt her, but she's everything to me and I can't bring myself to hate or leave her alone! " Remus said, in a grumpy, tired voice.

"I think she likes you, you know, I could see it, I just can" James reassured. "Thanks for trying to make me feel better, prongs, but honestly I don't even know anymore, I just want to keep y/n away"

"Don't say that! " James's voice trembled through the thick walls of hogwarts, as you stood in front of their door.

You gasped, half of you wanted to leave, but, you decided to stay.

"I just, need to brush her off you know I need some..getaway from her" Remus said. "Remus, y/n is not some parasite or a tick.. She..! "

Before James could finish the sentence, you left.

You didn't cry, you felt betrayed, and empty, and sad. You knew you felt something for Remus, but for him to just say something like that was unbelievable to you.

All those years Remus understood you the most. His words made you pick yourself up, and be who you are today.

But never in a million years would you expect Remus to say that.

You can't tell lily, nor literally anyone, you just have to keep it together.

The next day, Remus could tell that your behavior changed alot. You didn't say good morning, or hi, or anything. You sat next to Sirius instead of him.

"Remus, Remus! Are you alright? " Peter said, his face full of concern. "Yes, I'm alright Peter" He said.

Then somethings happened, suddenly you didn't talk to him for one day, then that changed and it turned to two days, then, three, then four, then a week.

Remus was never this pissed and grumpy until now. "Shut up! " Remus said, in the dorm, making the three boy's face drop.

"Remus, you should take your wolfsbane, it's close" Sirius suggested. "I don't care about that right now, you being so closey close with her"

"Who? Y/n? " Sirius asked, his eyes opened. "Yes, you daft! Can't you see that I like her! Right, you probably can't but you can see the fact that she's avoiding me, everyone in this room knows that, and if you don't then leave"

"Easy, Remus, easy, we know you like her, but, we also know that she's avoiding you, but we don't know why" James frowned. "James, do me a favor and ask lily about it"

"She won't tell me, ask lily yourself" James sighed.

And there he was, walking to the library to meet lily. "I wanted to talk about y/n" Remus said. "Well you've gotta be quick cause were both supposed to be here like, in fifteen minutes" Lily said, pointing at the chair for Remus to sit in.

"Why is she avoiding me? " Remus asked to the point. "She.. I can't answer this and be loyal to her, but, I'm going to give you a small hint. She has liked this boy.. For a few years now and, she's just not feeling well right now, and she's super sensitive right now, and just don't be rude to her, okay? " Lily sighed.

Remus's stomach dropped. A boy? Who?. "Who is it? " He asked. "I can't Remus, she's not even open about it, the only person who knows is me"

"But I thought she trusted me.. " Remus frowned. "She does, Remus, but it is girl problems, so, girls tend to tell other girls about it. "

"She hates me doesn't she?, but I love her" Remus's insecure side kicked in, just as the same time as yours.

She? Who? . You mood was even worse now, leaving the library without even telling lily.

You went to your dorm immediately, and you bawled your eyes to your pillow.

When you woke up, you felt sore, and you could sense someone looking at you. "Are you alright, you look like a mess, what's wrong"

"You know who it's about, but I can't keep thinking about him, just, hey, come on its Sunday, we can't be sad on a happy Sunday" You changed the topic, which lily caught on to.

Your eyes were red and puffy, and your hair weren't neat.

"Y/n, seriously what's wrong? " Remus asked you immediately after you got to the great Hall. His friends were sitting at the table, and, lily walked away to give you space.

"I need to talk to you" He said, not giving you time to speak up. You walked to a nearby storage room. "Colloportus! " Remus whispered at the door.

"You've been a mess, and you won't talk to me" Remus said. "So you're saying that if I don't talk to you that means I'm a mess? " You debated, but, you knew damn well that you are a mess if you don't talk to him.

"If you don't want to talk to me than fine, but you need to talk to someone else cause you don't look well nor you look healthy, and secondly.. This is s hard question but, who is the lucky guy? " Remus sped up. "The lucky guy? Who? "

"If youre willing to describe the girl you were talking about to lily, fine, ill tell you" You said confidently.

"You heard? Which part? " Remus tensed up. "About a girl that hates you, and the fact that you love her"

"Okay, I'm going to describe her, but I won't say her name. Shes pretty, she's nice, she loves to help people, she's dreamy, but she needs help"

"Oh.. Alright then, Remus" You said quickly, before you whispered "alohomora" To the door.

That night Remus were frowning at all times. "And she said? " Peter asked.

"She said 'Oh.. Alright then, remus' then she just, left" He said unbelievably. "Didn't you say something about you saying that you'll describe who you like and she will say the guy that she likes name" Sirius gasped.

Slowly, the two other marauders mouth dropped. "What? ", " It's you, you daft, she said Remus! " James smiled.

"I can't afford that James, no, plus she doesn't actually like me" Remus frowned. "Dumbass she does, and what do you mean you can't afford that? " Sirius asked

"I haven't told her about the whole.. Thing, so, I just don't want to be anything more then friends with her"

"You do want it, but you think you can't" Peter mumbled. "That's not true, you can" James said.

"I can't, just, I can't, I'll hurt her, I know it" Remus shouted. "You won't know till you try" Sirius said.

"I won't know till it's too late, so I wouldn't even bother to try" Remus scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Well, boys.. It's time already, come on" They all stood up, listening to James. The full moon was one hour away.

But little did they know, you were outside of the dorm, chilling while sitting beside a tree.

You saw movements of the whomping whillow, but it suddenly stopped. You saw a mouse going in, and a dog, then a deer like, well you can't tell what it was, and Remus.

You decided to follow him, you wanted to be sorry, but you'd be nuts to go into there, but you did anyway.

The place was rusty, and old, it was full of dust. You looked into the cracks, and all you felt was horror. Suddenly, you didn't see Remus, you saw something peculiar, and it saw you.

The dog barked, as the creature tries to scratch you and bite you. The dog barked, and the deer seemed to be telling you to come with it, you don't even know how you understood.

You panicked as you saw and open wound on your legs. "Holy shit! " Your mind started to raise. Is that a gazzele or a stag? I think it's a gazzele. Why does that dog reminds me of Sirius?

The next thing you see is the blinding light of the hospital wing. "What is that awful smell, James, hi Sirius, hi Peter" You yawned.

"She's awake! She's awake! " Peter gasped. "Quick, drink this! " James immediately shoved the glass of disgustingly flavored liquid, which your face scrunched up to.

"How did you find me? I was following a.. A.. A gazzele or some kind, and there was something I.. Don't know, I was following Remus, I wanted to talk to him, ouch! " You gasped. You felt a sting on your legs, consider the big wound.

"Shit! " Remus groaned. "Remus!" You sat up, which you received a few 'no!' 's to. "Are you alright? Oh my god, good Lord you're hurt again" You frowned.

"See shit like this has never happened before! " Remus spat out. "We'll leave.. " James said, taking the boys away.

"You can't just follow people, y/n that's not right! " Remus said, turning to look at you, looking worse than you are.

"I wanted to say sorry for being an asshole! " You said. "You're lucky James were there, you could've died! "

"James weren't there, Remus! " You said, not remember any other person other than Remus himself.

"Can't you see y/n, don't you get it? I'm a werewolf, I hurt you, and I obviously don't want that! " Remus shouted.

"So, who cares if you were a werewolf, Remus? Gosh, is this why you and your friends are always away every full moon? "

"Yes, y/n, just stop," Remus said. "A simple sorry wouldve solved it you know? " You said, but Remus didn't exactly understand.

"It's suddenly my fault now? " Remus scoffed, "Remus that's not what I meant! Why are you such an asshole Remus! I thought you know me! But after all these years I was so patient! You'd say rude things but I'd still cry to you, but what's worse is I cry about you and I'm doing it right now so, after this don't talk to me, please! I didn't blame this on you! I knew it was my fault for following you but I didn't know nor did you so just,let's just forget it,alright? Just, forget about us" You cried, willing the tears away, laying back on the bed.

You wanted to leave, but, neither of you could.

Remus heart broke everytime he heard your little sniffles. Remus knew how you cried, and he also knows that you are holding it in.

Days passed after that day in the hospital wing. You didn't say a word to him, nor did you tell anyone about it.

"Why would he say that? " Lily gasped, in the library, after making sure no one was there. "I don't know, lily, but I feel really bad for him, what if he's not okay? " You said, in a concerned tone.

"Y/n, it's time for you to actually take care of yourself" Lily suggested. "That'll be nice" You sighed.

"I heard from lils that.. Well she isn't doing the worst, but she's still.. Healing" James said, receiving protests from Peter and Sirius, "James why would you say that", " Prongs, Remus, I swear she's fine"

"No she's not, I wanna meet her, she's barely around nowadays" Remus said, still being in denial.

"Remus, if you do want to try then listen to me" James said, taking a deep breath, before continuing. "If you do love the girl, you can't scream at her, yes your feelings are valid, but for six years she has been holding her anger and sadness because of the words you say to her, you pointed out the things that she's insecure of, but then you decide to be nice to her? She's confused Remus, and it doesn't take a long time for her to realize that she could just find someone else so please take care of her! " James rambled.

"I am going to take care of her, James, now where would she be? " Remus asked, standing up. "Library".

Remus walked slowly to the library, as he saw you alone, packing your books in your bag.

"Remus, you're not supposed to be walking too fast" You said worriedly, flinching to help him, but you hold your self from helping him.

"Tell me what you want, alright? " You asked him.

"I love you"

"what? "

"I love you"

"No.. "

"I love you"

"Remus that's not fair" You kept yourself together. "Do you feel the same? " Remus asked. "Remus you can't ask that to me"

"Have you ever loved me" Remus asked. "I do love you"

"So why can't we be something? " Remus frowned. "We can't I'm sorry, I love you but we can't, I'm scared Remus, but I don't want you to feel like I'm scared of you, I'm scared of us! What If things goes wrong and we won't even be friends! That'll destroy me! " Your eyes was waterry and glassy.

"We won't go wrong, y/n, not anymore" Remus awkwardly hugged you, but he finally got comfortable.

"Remus we've got a lot to talk about" You sighed. "But before that, I'm not trying to make things go too fast, but, do you want to be my girlfriend, i-i swear I wont-"

Your lips clashed to his, your body felt relaxed and so was his, as if it took all the tension away.

When You both pulled away, Remus awkwardly said "thankyou?"

"I love you, Remus"

"Love you more"