#SHE WAS SO CLOSE TO BEING ABLE TO REUNITE WITH THEM BEFORE SHE WAS HELD HOSTAGE BY THE BWB AND THEN SANDOR I-

[fromtheseventhhell]

I am almost there, Arya thought. She knew she ought to be excited, but her belly was all knotted up tight. Maybe that was just the fever she’d been fighting, but maybe not. Last night she’d had a bad dream, a terrible dream. She couldn’t remember what she’d dreamed of now, but the feeling had lingered all day. If anything, it had only gotten stronger. Fear cuts deeper than swords. She had to be strong now, the way her father told her. There was nothing between her and her mother but a castle gate, a river, and an army … but it was Robb’s army, so there was no real danger there. Was there? (Arya X, ASOS)

I'm feeling very unwell

[waitimcomingtoo]

Bruised Like Violets

Pairing: Peeta Mellark x Reader

Synopsis: you and Peeta are reunited after he is rescued from the Capital (No hijacking)

Masterlist

You raced down the hallway the moment you were told where Peeta was being kept. It had been 8 long, painful weeks of waiting for him to he rescued and finally, you’d gotten word that he was back safely. You pushed past guards and burst into the room he was in, heart pounding when your eyes finally landed in him.

“Peeta?” Your voice came out as barely above a whisper. Peeta had his back to you but you could see just from his neck how skinny he had gotten. He slowly turned to you with a hardened grimace on his face. Once Peeta’s eyes met yours, his entire face softened. His eyes glazed over with tears and his bloodied lip tugged into a smile.

“Hi.” He said in a small voice. You didn’t know what came over you, but you threw your arms around him and kissed him for the first time in 8 weeks. Peeta immediately melted into you and kissed you back out of instinct. When you remembered that your love was just supposed to be an act and there were no cameras around for you to be performing for, you jumped back.

“Sorry.” You said and touched your lips, which were buzzing from kissing him.

“Dont be sorry. Come here.” Peeta shook his head and pulled you back towards him by tugging on your jumpsuit. He kissed you again and you felt your eyes well up with tears as you kissed him back. You wrapped your arms around his neck again and tangled them in his unkept hair to get him as close as possible.

“I missed you so much. I thought you were dead.” You whispered against his lips as your tears fell down your face.

“It’s okay. I’m here now.” He said as he wiped them with his thumbs. That’s when you caught sight of the bruises on his wrists, as if he had been tied down repeatedly against his will. You then took in the rest of him and realize he was half his weight and covered in bruises and welts all over his body.

“Oh, Peeta. What did they do to you?” You whispered and cupped his face to see his black eye better.

“It’s not as bad as it looks. Don’t worry about it.” He lied as you continued to inspect his arms.

“Don’t worry? All I’ve been able to do since they separated us was worry about you. The only reason I agreed to be the Mockingjay was because they said they’d rescue you. You’re the only thing that’s been on my mind since the arena.”

“I didn’t know I meant that much to you.” Peeta said through a cracked smile.

“You’re joking, right?” You cracked a smile back before leaning in to kiss him again. You weren’t used to kissing when there were no cameras around, but you missed him so much that you didn’t even think about it.

“I’m so glad they got you out of there. I would’ve never forgiven Haymitch if you died. Or Finnick. Or Joanna. If I lost you…” You trailed off as your eyes welled up again. Peeta shook his head and cupped your face to get you to look at him.

“You didn’t lose me. I’m right here.” He told you. You broke into a smile and pulled him into a tight hug.

“You’re real. You’re in my arms again.” You gushed as you squeezed him as tightly as you could. Your moment was interrupted by one of the nurses taping your shoulder.

“We need to bathe him and dress his wounds.” She let you know.

“Can she stay?” Peeta asked without letting go of you.

“You probably won’t want to see this.” The nurse told you as she held up some gauze and sutures. You looked over at Peeta whose big brown eyes looked scared at the thought of being left alone again. You just got him back, so there was no way you were leaving again.

“It’s okay. I’ll stay.” You said to him. The nurse gave you a look and went behind Peeta to unbutton his hospital gown. When the gown dropped, your jaw went with it. Almost every inch of his emaciated body was black and blue. You could tell he had been whipped and beaten over a long period of time. You started to cry without even realizing it but quickly wiped your tears it look brave for him.

“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt anymore.” He assured you while the nurse started to dress his wounds.

“There’s no way that doesn’t hurt.” You whispered.

“You’re right. Hold my hand, please? So I can squeeze it.” He asked innocently. You couldn’t help but smile and took his hand to give it a big squeeze.

“Still keeping up with the lover boy act I see.” One of the nurses mentioned as the stitched something up in Peeta’s arm.

“I’ve gotten really good at it. You’d almost think it was real.” Peeta chuckled without looking at you, but it made you blush nonetheless.

“Almost.” You nodded, making Peeta look at you.

“I heard you had quite the lover girl act going yourself.” The nurse continued.

“What do you mean?” Peeta asked curiously.

“Yeah, what?” You laughed in embarrassment.

“You’re the Mockingjay. People watch you and then talk. I heard you were screaming and crying and hugging the TV every time Peeta was on. And then screaming some more at anyone who made a comment about the things Peeta was saying.”

“I was forced-“ Peeta began.

“I know. I made sure everyone knew. That wasn’t the real you that I know.” You cut him off before he could apologize. Peeta smiled fondly at you now that he knew you had been fighting for him, even when you were separated.

“It’s hard to remember the real me.” He admitted.

“I remember him. I’ll remind you.” You shrugged. Peeta smiled again, but just for a second until he was flinching from his sutures.

“It’s okay. I got you.” You squeezed his hand before kissing his knuckles. Peeta forgot about his pain momentarily and felt himself blush. You were being a lot nicer to him than anyone had been to him in a while. But even if he had been treated with nothing but kindness, any affection coming from you was enough to send a blush across his face.

“You need a haircut.” You said, pulling Peeta out of his thoughts.

“Thanks.” He chuckled and shyly ran his fingers through his hair. You felt bad for poking fun when you remembered he didn’t have any basic luxury for weeks and a haircut was probably the last thing on his mind.

“Or maybe keep it. Your curls are coming out.” You noticed and tugged on one of his blond ringlets.

“I know. I usually try to avoid that. It makes me feel like one of those white dogs they have in the Capital.”

“Hey. That sounds like someone remembers the old you.” You smiled at his remark.

“Yeah. I guess I do.” Peeta smiled in return.

“We need to bathe him now.” The nurse told you. Peeta looked around at the room full of female nurses and felt embarrassed.

“I can do it.” You said when you saw his face.

“Are you sure?” He asked you.

“I don’t mind. It’s not like I haven’t done it before.” You shrugged and thought back to bathing him in the River during the first Games.

The nurses ran Peeta a bath while you helped him limp into the bathroom. Once his bath was ready, you helped him into it and got to work cleaning him off. You started with his hair, that looked like it hadn’t been washed since well before the second Games. Peeta was quiet as you poured water over his head until the water ran clear.

“You don’t have to do this.” He said quietly as you gently cleaned his skin.

“Yes I do. You’d do it for me, wouldn’t you?”

“I would.” Peeta admitted before a comfortable silence settled between you. You’d been on the brink of death together and forced to feign a romance in front of the whole world, but this moment felt far more intimate than anything you’d done so far.

“This reminds me of the cave.” Peeta said after a minute.

“You remember the cave?”

“I remember every second. You took care of me. Just like this.”

“It’s what we do.” You shrugged and kept cleaning.

“When have I ever taken care of you?” He laughed sadly and looked up at you.

“You’ve taken care of me plenty of times. I usually take care of your body. You take care of my mind.”

“I guess we make a good team that way.” Peeta smiled shyly.

“We do. And that’s why we’re never getting separated again.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“I know. But I can do my best to never let you out of my sight again.”

“I’ll do the same.” Peeta promised and looked up at you again. You cupped his chin and leaned down to kiss his nose, feeling his wet eyelashes brush against you as he closed his eye s

“Good. Now let’s get you dried off and I’ll show you to the dining hall.”

After helping Peeta get dressed, you linked your arm through his and guided him towards the dining hall. All eyes were on him as you got a tray and got on like. Some people thought he was dead while others thought he was a traitor for the things Snow had forced him to say on TV. But most people saw him as a hero and gave him warm smiles as they passed.

“Everyone is looking at me.” He whispered in your ear.

“They’re probably just excited to meet you after all the stories I told about you.” You shrugged and loaded up yours and Peeta’s plate with bread and soup.

“Yeah? Like what?” He smirked and looked at you.

“Like how loud you were in the woods when I was trying to quietly make it to the Cornucopia.” You teased him. Peeta rolled his eyes at you and wrapped an arm around your waist to keep himself balanced as you walked to a table.

“Hey Peeta. Nice to see you back.” Someone you didn’t recognize smiled at Peeta and patted his shoulder as he passed.

“See? They love you here. Because they know I love you and I’m basically a celebrity around here so they have to like what I like.” You whispered to him ad you sat down together across from Annie, and Finnick.

“Did you just say you love me?” Peeta pretended to gasp. You scrunched your nose and shoved a strawberry in his mouth to shut him up. You and Peeta noticed at the same time that Annie and Finnick were fully engaged in a makeout session now that they had been reunited. You gulped while Peter blushed and you made quick eye contact with each other. You didn’t really know the nature of your relationship at this point. There were no cameras to fake it for but being without him for 8 weeks made you realize you hadn’t faked a single thing.

“Of course I love you. You’re my husband, aren’t you?” You said after a minute to ease the tension. Peeta smile and took your hand to jokingly kiss your ring finger.

“That’s right. How could I forget we’re married.” Peeta humored you and squeezed your hand. Gale cleared his throat and the two of you finally realized he had sat down. Gale was eating his soup while staring daggers at Peeta, who looked uncomfortable.

“Aren’t you gonna say hello?” You calmly asked Gale.

“Hey, Peeta.” Gale grunted.

“Hi Gale. Thanks for helping to get me out of there.” Peeta said politely.

“No problem.” Gale muttered and looked away. Peeta’s hands had been bandaged after his bath so you got some of his soup on his spoon and held it up to his lips.

“Open.” You instructed. Peeta opened his mouth to accept the soup and swallowed it while you ripped up some bread for him. You put that in his mouth as well before giving him a glass of water. Peeta happily ate his food and smile at you in appreciation.

“Seriously?” Gale laughed meanly.

“What?” You wondered.

“You two. Do you really have to feed him?”

“I don’t have to. I want to. I missed him.” You shrugged and turned away from Gale to continue feeding Peeta.

“That doesn’t mean you have to feed him. He’s not a baby.” Gale said as if Peeta wasn’t right there.

“It’s okay. I can do it.” Peeta said and took the spoon from you. His hands shook as he dipped the spoon into his soup and it got worse as he tried to bring it to his mouth. By the time the spoon reached his lips, there was nothing left on it. You shot Gale an angry look for making Peeta feel like he had something to prove before taking the spoon again.

“I’ll do it. You fed me once.” You said and gave Peeta another bite.

“But this isn’t the first time you’ve fed me. I owe you one now.” Peeta said with a smile.

“Don’t worry about me. I have no problems stuffing my face.”

“It’s true. I’ve seen it.” Gale chimed in to remind Peeta that while he had been gone, Gale had been right there with you.

“It’s not very attractive.” You told Peeta.

“I’m sure anything you do is attractive.” Peeta replied, making you smile.

“Y/n, you left your shirt in my room last night.” Gale said, making everyone at the table look at him. Peeta frowned sadly and looked at you, expecting you to admit that you and Gale had been seeing in each other in a new way in Peeta’s absence.

“Oh. Thanks. I can grab it later.” You told Gale. Gale looked at Peeta and smirked, confirming Peeta’s worst fears.

“You were in his room last night?” Peeta asked quietly and looked at you.

“Gales been on the frontlines a lot and he’s been showing me some things he learned in training. One of them was how to make a tourniquet out of a shirt. I wanted to learn because if I had made yours properly during the first Games, you would’ve have lost your leg.” You said with a guilty look in your eyes.

“Hey, that tourniquet saved my life. I would’ve lost a lot more than my leg if you hadn’t made it. Don’t blame yourself.” Peeta said as he put his hand on top of yours. Gale looked between the two of you with jealousy brewing before speaking up again.

“I think I’m gonna skip training today. I’m still tired from how late we were up last night.” Gale added. You caught on to what Gale as trying it do and turned to a very jealous looking Peeta.

“We were up late discussing the menu for Haymitchs birthday dinner. It’s coming up soon and we wanted to hunt to have something special for him.” You explained.

“That’s nice. Maybe I can bake something for him.” Peeta offered.

“We have enough food planned.” Gale said, making Peeta’s smile fall.

“We can never have enough food.” You insisted. “I’m sure Haymitch would love it.”

“Do you think they’d let me in the kitchen?” Peeta chuckled and nodded towards the kitchen.

“If I ask them to, they would. I don’t mean to brag, but I get anything I ask for around here. It’s the perks of being the face of their revolution.”

“What have you asked for so far?” Peeta wondered.

“Just you. And now I have it so I need to think of some other things to ask for. Like getting you some baking time.” You smiled sweetly at him and touched his shoulder. You wanted Peeta to have some time to bake to remind himself of who he was. Peeta put his hand over yours and smiled in appreciation.

“You know there’s no cameras around here, right?” Gale said, taking your attention away from each other.

“We know.” You laughed in annoyance.

“So what’s with the act?” Gale asked, making Peeta gulp. He looked at you curiously, also wondering if your kindness towards him was part of the act.

“There is no act. You haven’t been through what we’ve been through. We missed each other. Let us reunite in peace.” You said simply as you kept your hand on Peeta. Peeta smiled in content and rested his head on your shoulder.

“So are you guys dating now? For real?” Finnick came up for air long enough to ask. You felt Peeta tense up on your shoulder and lifted his head to look at you. He was wondering the exact same thing, but didn’t know how to voice it. Things had been different between you before you were separated and the way you were acting Joe only made Peeta further believe that your feelings had shifted into something real.

“Can everyone leave us alone? What’s with all the questions?” You laughed awkwardly and took a bite of your bread. Finnick chuckled and held up his hands in defense while Gale gave Peeta the death glare. Peeta gave Gale a simple shrug before putting his head back down on your shoulder. You heard him yawn and looked down at him.

“Tired?”

“Exhausted.” He nodded with his eyes shut.

“Me too. Let’s get some sleep.”

You said goodbye to Finnick and Annie before taking Peeta’s arm to lead him out of the dinning hall. You brought him to the hallway where the bedrooms were and led him to the room you’d been staying it.

“My roommate is Prim but she has the night shift in the medical wing tonight.” You told him. You turned around and saw Peeta by your door, looking longingly at your bed. It had probably been a long time since he had somewhere soft to rest his head and a bed had never looked so inviting.

“They said they set up a room for me-“

You cut him off by rushing into his arms and holding him tight. Peeta stumbled back a little before hugging you back and resting his cheek against your head.

“Stay.” You whispered against his chest.

“Always.” Peeta said automatically. You hugged him for a few moments longer before climbing into bed. Peeta climbed in after you and lifted his arm so thta you could lay your head over his heart. Peeta wrapped an arm around you and you held his hand to he as close as possible.

“Can you believe how Gale was acting back there? He’s so different now. I feel like I don’t know him anymore.” You said to fill the silence that had settled.

“I think he’s mad that I was with you in the Games and he wasn’t.” Peeta replied.

“I don’t understand him. Why would anyone wish what we went though for themselves?”

“I don’t think he’s thinking about it like that. I think he’s just embarrassed that some other guy was kissing you on TV for everyone to see. And then winning the Games with you. And going on a victory tour with you. Twice. I mean, the whole entire world was rooting for us to be in love. He had to watch our fake engagement, wedding and pregnancy. I can’t imagine how that felt for him.”

“Why would he care? It’s not like I was his girlfriend.” You reminded Peeta.

“But he had feelings for you. Anyone can see it. That’s why he hates me.” Peeta said with a soft chuckle. You frowned in the darkness and tilted your chin to look up at Peeta.

“He has to get over that, then.” You shrugged. “It’s not my or your problem that he had feelings for me. He doesn’t get to be mean to you just because he wants my relationship with him to be like my relationship with you.”

Peeta was quiet for a while after that. The only sound in the room was coming from the sounds of your breathing.

“What are you thinking about?” You asked as you looked up at him again.

“Nothing.” He chuckled.

“Tell me.” You urged and shook him a little. Peeta let out another soft chuckle and looked down at you.

“If it were me, I would hate whatever guy was on TV kissing you too.” He admitted. A smile tugged at your lips as you propped yourself up on your elbow.

“We’re not on TV now, are we?” You asked him. Peeta sat up as well so that you were at the same level.

“I don’t think so.” He smiled shyly as he shook his head. Peeta looked into your eyes with his big brown ones before letting his gaze drop to your lips.

“And yet, you’re the only boy I want to kiss.” You said quietly. Peeta jutted his head back a little in surprise before leaning towards you. His eyes slowly shut and yours did the same as you met in a soft kiss. The kiss slowly became heated and you were soon in his lap with his hands up your shirt.

“We can take it slow. I know you’ve been through a lot.” You whispered against his lips.

“I don’t need slow. I just need you.” Peeta shook his head before kissing you again.

“I want to be with you. For real this time. Not pretend.” You said between kisses.

“Real?” Peeta smiled hopefully as he looked into your eyes. You nodded your head and replied before pulling him into a kiss again.

“Real.”

[jahayla-parker]

🎆 Requests: Please note these will be likely shorter than my longer requests (I say that but you all know me 😂). These cannot contain a lot of specifics or anything like that. Rather, it’s a simple concept and a character. Limit is 1 request per follower for this option given the time it’ll take to do these.

what about finnick odair x wife!reader where he has to go back to the games and she waits for him and they reunite back in 13 and she is glued to his side during their time there cause she's afraid to lose him and it's like hurt comfort and fluffy <333

Heartbreak’s Cure : Finnick Odair x Reader

Descr: 5k wc, Finnick and his wife reunite in District 13 after Finnick returns from his second Hunger Games and they help each other through the aftermath of him being reaped a second time. Hurt-comfort, flangst

Warnings: hunger game type content and applicable warnings, trauma, sadness, mentions of Mag’s death, mentions of Finnick’s background (including brief mention of Snow selling his body).

“Finnick!”

“Fin!”

“Y/n?”

“Honey?!”

“Fin!”

The couple’s screaming continued as they raced toward the sound of the other’s voice.

Y/n sprinted around the corner of the dull gray slabbed walls of the medical corridor when her eyes finally caught sight of who she’d been searching for; her husband. The air left her lungs and her body abruptly halted upon seeing him.

Finnick had been bolting down the hallway when y/n suddenly appeared as she turned the corner. He briefly paused in breathless relief before he once again began charging towards his wife.

Y/n copied Finnick’s needy rush and ran straight into his extended arms. She buried her head into the crook of his neck as he lifted her up. She hooked her legs around his waist as he held her to him so tight it was difficult to breathe. But she couldn’t care less. He was alive! He was home!

Finnick spun them around as he closed his eyes and admired the way it felt to be able to hold his loving wife once again. “Hi love,” he finally spoke, his voice a soft whisper.

“Hi Finny,” y/n whimpered. “Are you alright?” She asked, leaning back against the supportive hold he had on her tailbone so she could see him.

“I’m perfectly fine now y/n/n,” Finnick vowed, pulling her back to him and protectively holding her tight in his arms. He was so relieved his sweet wife was okay. That Snow hadn’t been able to harm her before she’d made it to District 13.

After a heartfelt kiss between them, y/n pulled away as her worry took over. “Let me take a look at you,” y/n pressed, not believing Finnick‘s well meaning reassurance. She again leaned back while staying in his arms, her legs still around his waist as he held her up. She frowned as her eyes noticed the multitude of scratches along his face. “Liar,” she whispered with a pout.

Finnick chuckled lightly. Damn he had missed her.

Y/n hopped down from Finnick’s arms and grabbed his bicep. “C’mere baby,” she cooed as she lead him to the nearest stretcher. “Here, sit down,” she instructed. When he complied, she kissed his forehead and gave him a warm smile. “Does it hurt? It looks like it hurts,” she commented as she quickly pulled over a tray of random medical supplies. “Are you sure you’re okay? Are there any injuries I can’t see?” Y/n continued to interrogate worryingly.

“Honey,” Finnick smiled. He gently grasped y/n’s wrist as she softly tried to clean his skin.

“I'm sorry, I know it hurts, but I gotta clean it,” y/n explained, giving her husband a sympathetic frown.

Finnick grinned admiringly and shook his head. “It’s okay, that’s not what I’m talking about,” he explained softly. “Breathe Honey, I’m okay”. Finnick lovingly rubbed his thumb against the inner side of her wrist to soothe her.

Y/n set the washcloth down with a sigh. She wanted to help her husband. She looked around to take a quick inventory of the room. It had been awhile since she was last in this wing. Seeing a stack of cases of water bottles, she hummed and hurriedly sprinted to it. She effortlessly pulled out an unopened bottle and brought it back to Finnick with a small smile. Surely he was dehydrated! “Here, drink this, it’ll help.”

Finnick replied with a sympathetic sigh. He understood why she was fussing over him, he’d have been much worse if the roles were reversed. But, it didn’t mean he wanted her worrying so much. As such, he sipped on the water she’d passed him; not mentioning to her that on the flight back here, the nurse had hooked up an IV to help his fluids. After taking a considerable drink, he twisted the cap back on and took ahold of y/n’s hand. “Honey,” Finnick softly scolded, tugging her hand away from the water bottle as he tried to get her to stop fretting over him. “You look really good in my sweater,” he commented, changing the topic as he took notice of what his wife was wearing.

Y/N’s cheeks heated up, prompting her to bashfully look down at the stretcher’s wheels. She let her eyes flicker briefly to the sweater in question before biting her lip and slowly lifting her gaze to Finnick’s. “I.., sorry, I needed something that smelled and felt like you,” she explained.

Finnick shook his head, a prideful smile now gracing his lips. “You don’t need to apologize,” he commented lovingly as he tenderly guided her closer by curling his thumb resting under her chin. “Were you okay honey?”

“It’s fine, you’re here now,” y/n smiled. “That’s all that matters,” she hummed, leaning closer as she moved her hands to cup her husband’s defined cheeks.

“No, no,” Finnick argued. “How were you while I was away?” He repeated, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed. “What all happened? What did I miss?”

“Me,” y/n giggled with a smug smile.

Finnick chuckled, his cheeks turning a soft red. “Well that goes without saying, my dear,” he winked. After a moment of silent bliss, he turned his expression to a look that communicated he wanted her to give him an actual answer.

Y/n shrugged. She’d struggled while he’d been gone. But he didn’t need to know the depths of that. At least not right now. She knew her husband well enough to know it was futile keeping a secret from him. Even if it was for his own sake. He’d know at some point. For now though she would keep it as vague as possible without hurting his feelings by keeping it inside. “Nothing other than just worrying about you,” she murmured quietly, eyes closed.

Finnick frowned in understanding. “Oh love,” he purred, his fingers reaching out to grip the material of his her their sweater.

“I .. I got your message though,” y/n elaborated, peering into Finnick’s loving eyes.

Finnick grinned and tugged y/n closer to him. “Good,” he murmured, fingers moving to trail her cheeks.

“You’re not allowed to talk about your death like that again though, Finnick Odair,” y/n scolded in a soft voice.

Finnick chuckled and nodded. “Yes, Mrs. Odair,” he grinned, pulling her in for a kiss.

Y/n was resting beside Finnick’s medical cot in the hospital corridor of District 13 when she felt him stir. She quickly set down her notebook and faced her husband. She frowned lightly as she noticed the confused look in his eyes. He had been sleeping when the medic came in to adjust the medication dosage coursing through his veins. It had been like this off and on for the last few hours, so y/n hadn’t paid much mind to it until she felt him stir beside her in response to it.

Finnick tried to keep the tears from building up in his eyes as he tried to scoot away from whoever the person was beside him. He had thought he made it back to y/n, to District 13. But he didn’t remember being put under and upon opening his eyes he saw a nurse-like figure standing before him in a medical room so clearly he’d been dreaming. Of course he had. He’d been dreaming of his precious wife and making it back to her ever since he’d been reaped for the second time. He didn’t recall anything after the arena collapsing in on him. He thought he had, but he had clearly been dreaming of those events. So he figured he must’ve been captured after their attempt to escape the games. As such, he presumed this nurse before him was from The Capitol. It was the only explanation for why his wife wasn’t by his side when he thought he’d reconnected with her earlier. Hence why he began resisting the medic’s attempts to adjust whatever they were pumping into his body through the IV in his right arm.

“No, no, no, no, no, hey,” y/n rushed out, turning to face Finnick more directly. “Finnick? Hi, I've got you,” she informed him as his frantic eyes darted to her face. “You're safe. Finnick, can you hear me?” She asked, noticing the distant look in his sea-green eyes. “They're here to help you, you need to let them help you,” she pleaded, squeezing his hand.

Finnick’s eyes snapped down to his hand as he felt a squeeze. He looked back up at y/n and gazed into her eyes as the pieces returned to him. He hadn’t been dreaming. He had escaped the games. He’d made it back to y/n. She’d been beside him the whole time. He just hadn’t looked to his left upon waking up.

“That’s it, babe,” y/n cooed encouragingly. “They are just helping your body heal,” she smiled softly, leaning over to kiss his forehead.

Finnick hummed in relief. His hands moved to wrap around his wife. He held onto her as he tried desperately to not cry against her shoulder. He was home. He was back with his girl.

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention,” Finnick pouted playfully. To emphasize his point, he stretch his right hand and the attached IV over his lap to poke y/n’s side.

Y/n raised her eyebrows at her husband in question. She’d been giving him plenty of attention. In fact, she was certain he had to be growing tired of her constant presence and fussing over him. “You need more attention?” She questioned knowingly.

Finnick nodded with a smug smile. “From you? Always,” he grinned.

Y/n rolled her eyes jokingly as her cheeks flushed. “You’re lucky I love you,” she teased, kissing his cheek.

Finnick resumed playing with y/n’s hand he was holding. “The luckiest,” he agreed proudly.

Y/n simply bashfully bit her lip and buried her head against Finnick’s bicep as it rested on his cot.

“I’m tired of laying here in this stupid bed though,” Finnick said to explain his earlier comment.

“Finnick,” y/n sighed. She lifted her head off his arm to look down at him.

“I want to go home,” Finnick said, almost whining.

Y/n frowned. “I know, I do too,” she acknowledged. “But, Finnick, we have to stay in District Thirteen until it’s safe to go back,” she reminded him cautiously.

Finnick shook his head. “I know, I didn’t mean home-home”.

“What?”

“Not as in District Four,” Finnick elaborated. “While that would be nice,” he hummed, “I meant wherever it is here that our home is now, wherever you spend your nights”.

Y/n smiled adoringly at her husband. “Let me go ask them again when you can leave, I doubt it’s changed, but if you promise me you’re feeling okay, I’ll try to persuade them,” she offered.

“I promise,” Finnick nodded with an appreciative smile. He tugged y/n’s hand back just as she went to head towards the hallway, “but be quick”. When her head whipped around quickly, her eyes full of concern, he blushed before hurriedly explaining his thoughts. “‘Cause I missed you,” he whispered shyly, grinning again when his wife kissed the top of his head lovingly.

Y/n closed the door to their bedroom behind her as she and Finnick entered the hall. She turned towards her husband with a timid smile. They were about to head out for a light stroll so she could show him around. “Can I hold your hand?” She requested quietly, needing to physically feel his presence to remind her he was here after so long.

Finnick smiled, “you never gotta ask, sugar”. He kissed his wife’s warm cheek. “But, I have a better idea”.

“Which is?”

“Piggy back ride?"

“Finnick,” y/n scolded, shaking her head. “You should be taking it easy,” she reminded him. When he playfully rolled his eyes, she glared protectively back at him.

Finnick hummed and took ahold of y/n’s hands. “I promise I’m fine, honey. I wouldn’t put you through dealing with the aftermath if I wasn’t,” he promised.

Despite Finnick having convinced y/n he was able to give her a piggy back ride, she wasn’t done being protective over him. She’d just gotten her husband back! She wasn’t about to let something happen to him! As such, she had been doing everything under the sun to protect him from even minor things like loud noises, bright lights, etc.

Finnick knew what y/n was doing and her reasoning behind it. So, he’d complied with her wishes and heeded her warnings, all while smiling bashfully. He was beyond appreciative of his wife’s considerate measures. And he found her actions insanely cute.

They couple had taken a quick break so y/n could help one of District 13’s other residents find the supplies closet. Luckily the room was nearby, so she was not away from her husband for more than a handful of minutes. However, when she returned, she was less than pleased. “What do you think you’re doing?!” Y/n hissed at Mike, one of District 13’s leaders. He was evidently having her husband help him move some boxes of equipment. Y/n knew the boxes with the particular symbol that was on the one Finnick had been about to pick up were often pretty heavy. It was certainly not something Finnick should be doing right now! “He just got back, have Gale help you with carrying that!” She critiqued with a harsh glare.

Finnick sucked in his bottom lip as he tried not to laugh lightly or smile at y/n’s behavior. He shrugged minimally at the man beside him before he made his way over to his wife. “I’m okay, angel,” he cooed in a hushed voice so only she could hear.

Y/n nodded silently in response to Finnick’s reassurance. She gave Mike another sharp glance and then took her husband’s hand and led him away from the room.

Finnick froze momentarily before he stiffly turned to face y/n. They’d been eating lunch alone in the corner of the cafeteria when he suddenly heard her sniffle. Why was she crying? “Are… are... are these good tears? Or bad tears?" He asked quietly. He only got a hum in response, making his brows furrow further. “Y/n?”

“Both”.

“Both?”

Y/n nodded. When she felt Finnick’s worried eyes on her, she shrugged. “Bad cause I missed you and I was so worried,” she explained. “But, good cause you’re home now”. She knew she was speaking in broken sentences, but it was the best she could do right now without breaking down from her emotions.

“Sugar,” Finnick whined sympathetically. “My sweet girl.. I’m so sorry-”.

Y/n rapidly shook her head. “Don’t apologize, Finny,” she whispered lovingly. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like you have to. I just, I don’t know I just…”

“Shhh...just let me hold you,” Finnick instructed warmly. He knew how to make his wife feel better. He grinned as she wasted no time sliding down the bench to him and snuggling up. “I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

“Promise?”

Finnick swore his heart both soared and broke over the sweet but scared tone of y/n’s voice. “I promise angel,” he vowed, smiling to himself as she buried herself in his hold even further.

“No, no, you need to lie still,” y/n instructed as Finnick yet again fidgeted. There were resting in their shared bed, almost about to fall asleep when he’d begun tossing and turning.

Finnick turned to face his patient wife’s beautiful face. He batted his long eyelashes at her. “Baby, could you play with my hair?” He requested in a gentle whisper. He closed Jo’s eyes as y/n instantly complied with his wish. “That feels so nice,” he murmured.

“Good,” y/n smiled, her fingers dancing through Finnick’s sun-dyed golden locks.

“I missed you,” Finnick whispered blissfully.

Y/n smirked playfully. “You missed my fingers in your hair,” she teased.

“No,” Finnick argued, holding y/n’s wrist to stop her playing with his hair for a moment. He turned his head to look up at her. “I’m serious, I missed you,” he replied with a frown.

“Hmmm, I know sweetheart,” y/n informed her husband, craning her neck to kiss his forehead. “I missed you too,” she whispered.

“I was so worried about you,” Finnick admitted as his mind went back to his worries over y/n’s wellbeing during his time in the arena.

“I’m never letting you go again,” y/n declared warmly. She tightened her grip around Finnick’s chest as he peered up at her at an angle from where he lay on her torso. “Snow will have to pry you from my dead arms. No one is going to hurt you anymore Finnick,” she spoke protectively.

“Hmm,” Finnick hummed as he inched his way up. He kissed her head lightly before lowering himself back down to use her as a pillow. “Don’t talk like that, honey,” he scolded lovingly. “I’m not losing you either.” He closed his eyes as he turned so his cheek was pressed up against her chest. “We’ll finish this out together, that’s the only option. Okay?”

“Okay,” y/n agreed quietly as she hugged Finnick tightly. “Now, sleep, my love. I'll keep you safe."

Y/n woke abruptly as she felt her husband tossing around beside her in bed. Her eyes snapped opened as she heard his whispered cries. A frown instantly formed on her face as she quickly sat up and turned to face Finnick. She softly shook him. “Finnick.. It’s me, it’s y/n. It's okay, it was just a dream." When his eyes finally opened, they were wide and watery as they analyzed their bedroom. “You're not there, Finnick. You're home, you're safe,” she promised, being able to read his worries without needing any verbal explanation as to what he’d been afraid of.

“Fuck, I …,” Finnick winced slightly, hating that he’d cursed in front of his dear wife. He was also so proper around her, declaring she was too precious to hear such profanities. But tonight he couldn’t help it. He felt horrible for having woken her. He knew how tired she’d been from sleepless nights as she waited for him to return. She should be asleep… not taking care of him and his nightmares. He knew she didn’t mind, she’d helped him through similar ones countless times before. But still, she should be resting. “I’m sorry.., I didn’t… I was back at the-,” he began rambling quietly.

Y/n nodded quickly and squeezed his clammy hand. “It’s okay, I know sweetheart,” she cut him off so he didn’t feel he needed to explain himself. “What do you need? What can I do for you right now Finny?”

Finnick’s shiny eyes lifted to meet his wife’s compassionate face and he gave her a timid smile. “I just want to be held for a little while. I’ve missed your touch,” he murmured.

Y/n smiled warmly and opened her arms. “Come here baby,” she instructed as she pulled Finnick to her chest.

Finnick shuffled down the bed so he could rest his head back on y/n’s chest. Like he’d done hours ago, before he’d moved to her side so they could sleep. “Like I expected, you're much comfier than my pillow,” he muttered softly as he nuzzled into her.

Y/n grinned and craned her neck in order to kiss Finnick’s scalp.

Finnick’s fingers played with the material of y/n’s sleep top. “D-do you mind if we stay like this for a little longer?” He questioned hesitantly. He wanted her to sleep, but he really needed this.

“We can stay like this as long as you want sweetheart.”

Finnick hummed in relief and snuggled against y/n further. His eyes began to become heavy again, but he kept blinking to stay awake.

“I'll protect you. They've never going to touch you again,” y/n promised, playing with Finnick’s hair the way he adored and always seemed to soothe him. As she noticed his eyes looking tired, she slowed her combing movements slightly. “Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You'll be all right, no one can hurt you now”.

Y/n futilely tried to pull her muscular husband away from the cracked door. They’d been on their daily walk when they passed by the mission center which happened to have it’s door slightly parted. However, it was what had been playing on the screen inside the room and the sounds it caused to float into the hallway that caught Finnick’s attention. The crew in the mission center had seemingly been reviewing various clips from the latest games. Unfortunately, it turned out they happened to be passing by just as Mag’s death began to play.

“No,” Finnick argued weakly against y/n’s attempts to pull him away. “I deserve to watch this,” he croaked. “I caused it, I need to live with the pain of that”.

Y/n gritted her jaw and furrowed her brows. She had to keep her anger in check. She wasn’t mad at Finnick, just at his statement. Her precious husband didn’t deserve any of the atrocities he’d had to endure. “You've suffered through enough,” y/n declared firmly but kindly, pulling her husband’s head to her shoulder. She whispered loving words to him as she lead them down the hall and back to their room.

As they reached the doorway to their bedroom, Finnick pulled back. His eyes were red and dripping, lips in a deep frown, and nose scrunched. “I also failed before the games, I didn’t make sure you had a safety plan in place,” he argued.

“Finnick, you had Haymitch make sure I was picked up and taken here, too District Thirteen before the games even began, for my safety,” y/n argued. “Besides, sweetheart, that’s not your job. And I’m fine, please don’t burden yourself with that”.

Finnick shook his head. “I should’ve found a way to tell Mags the plan,” he sighed. “I should’ve found a way out of letting Snow sell my body,” he added. “Katniss had me in her crosshairs early on, I didn’t train enough after the last games”. “I promised you that I’d never let you down but I did”.

”Finnick Odair,” y/n gasped. “Look at me.” Once he finally met her gaze, she presented him with a small smile and a tight hug. “I'm so proud of you”. She shook her head inside the crook of his neck. “Seriously, none of those things are true or your fault”. “You have always had so many things working against you, Finnick. I’ve always been so proud of you, even without taking that into account. But you need to. I’m so proud of you baby, you did what you had to do and came back to me! I know it wasn’t easy by any means,” she hummed, “but you did it. I didn’t lose you. And that’s because of you. I’m so proud. I’m infinitely sorry you had to go through all of that, but I’m so proud of you coming home to me”.

Finnick whimpered appreciatively and pulled y/n closer to him. He’d missed this. He’d needed her. He never wanted to be apart from her ever again. His sweet wife was his everything. If he had her, he’d be able to heal from his pain of the latest games.

"We don't have to talk about it right now, but I'm here if or when you want to,” y/n offered quietly as she and Finnick sat at the table for a late lunch. They’d been eating when someone who had passed by mentioned something to their friend about the latest games. Y/n had noticed the way Finnick tensed immediately. She figured he wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, but wanted him to know he could whenever he was.

Y/n had been correct. Finnick hadn’t been ready yesterday afternoon to talk about his experiences in the arena this past time. But, tonight he seemingly was. It was brought up unexpectedly, but she was pleased he felt comfortable and stable enough to begin talking about it.

Finnick had expressed several thoughts about his experiences in the arena when a question came to his tired mind. “Did… Did you watch?” He asked quietly as y/n helped him undress due to his fatigued state. He watched as she hesitated in her movements for a split-second.

“Yeah,” Y/n admitted quietly. She lifted Finnick’s shirt over his head and tossed it towards the bin. “I… didn’t really want to,” she admitted, “I hated that you had to go, to do that all again”. She sighed and her fingers trailed down to help him step out of his jeans. “But I needed to know you were okay,” she explained slowly, “and I wanted to be able to understand what you went through.,. As much as possible that is, of course…” She helped hold him steady as he removed his pants. “That way if you didn’t want to talk about it or needed someone to understand slightly more than I would’ve without watching it…,” she rambled.

Finnick turned to face y/n, a tender smile on his lips. “You..,” he shook his head, “sugar, you’re far too sweet, you didn’t need to put yourself through that. But I appreciate you doing so and being so considerate of my potential needs to begin with”. He kissed her forehead delicately.

As Finnick began to try to help y/n undress for the night, she shook her head lovingly and stopped him. He was so exhausted. He didn’t need to help her tonight. “I’ve got it baby, you’re tired,” she spoke softly.

“I want to,” Finnick argued quietly, “if you’re okay with that! I don’t-”.

Y/n nodded quickly to silence Finnick’s worries. “I am, Finny. Just don’t want you overdoing it,” she mused, kissing his cheek.

Finnick hummed and resumed his efforts to help y/n out of her day clothes. “Is there… was there anything you saw that you want to talk about?” He asked.

Y/n hesitated for a moment. But, upon meeting Finnick’s genuinely curious eyes, she sighed. “…l heard you crying my name,” she said, thinking back to the moment she’d watched her husband crumple to the floor of the arena in agony.

Finnick gave y/n a sympathetic smile, sensing her worry and needless guilt. “I just needed to hear your voice, to know you weren’t actually hurt,” he explained. “I know they were fake. But.. you were…? You’re alright?”

Y/n nodded and grabbed Finnick’s hands from her shoulder and squeezed them. “I was just upset I couldn’t be there to reassure you I was fine,” she informed him. “But, I wasn’t hurt. Do you want to tell me about what it was like, babe? Get it off your chest?"

Finnick looked away as he began to cry. “S-sorry,” he murmured quietly in apology. “I shouldn’t be... I shouldn’t be crying. I.. I’m stronger than that… I’m sorry honey… I…”

“Finn,” y/n cooed. She let go of his hands and moved hers to cup his face and guide it towards her. When his eyes met hers, she gave him n a sweet smile. “Sweetheart, you never need to apologize to me. Ever. And, certainly not for crying…”.

Finnick nodded and melted into his wife’s embrace. “I… I thought it was real,” he began. “I… they copy… and it was your voice. I know it! It was so accurate! I…,” he shook, prompting y/n to rub his back soothingly. “I thought they’d hurt you.. that The Capitol.,. Snow…,” He trailed off.

“I think.. I thought about that a bunch too,” y/n murmured. “I think those sounds were made using by mixing up and splicing recordings from my games years ago, Finny.”

“I should’ve known that,” Finnick scolded himself. “I’m,” he sniffled as more tears escaped his eyes. He knew she might be watching the games and hadn’t wanted y/n to see him break down the way he had in that moment. He’d promised her he’d be strong and make it back to her. Yet all it took was some old audio clips and he’d shattered. He couldn’t deny the heartbreak he’d felt hearing her screams and cries. But he should’ve held it together. “I’m sorry.. I should’ve been stronger than that, I-“.

“No, Finnick. No,” y/n argued protectively. She leaned up and kissed his nose. “I don’t need you being strong all the time. I just need you. Vulnerabilities and all. Because that’s the real you, that’s all of you. And I love the whole real you.” She grinned as a bashful smile formed on her husband’s lips. “It’s all over now, Finny. No more having to pretend to be someone else for the cameras. You can just be yourself from now on. Just my wonderful Finnick Odair,” she cooed. As he leaned into her, she paid attention to his tears. She continued to sweetly dry them as she whispered loving words. After a few minutes, he’d stopped crying and was just resting in her embrace. “Fin, it's so good to have you home,” she whispered.

“I missed this,” Finnick confessed quietly.

“So did I.”

“You’re my happy place.”

“Don’t get cheesy on me,” y/n teased as Finnick stepped back so they could resume getting into bed for the night.

“I was away from you too long,” Finnick defended simply. “I gotta make up for the missed chances to flirt with my beautiful wife,” he winked, smirking as y/n looked away flustered.

“What can I do for you right now Finnick?” Y/n questioned as she faced him and saw his tears had returned.

“All I want is your lips against mine right now,” Finnick informed y/n. His cheeks turned brighter and brighter red until they matched the color of his teary eyes. “It sounds stupid, but I want to also physically feel your love-” he attempted to explain, feeling he needed to justify his request.

However, y/n didn’t need any reason to kiss her sweet husband. She quickly slid her hands into his hair on the back of his head and pulled him in for a deep kiss.

Both y/n and Finnick cried quietly into the kiss as they moved impossibly closer to each other. It had been far too long since they felt this secure and untroubled over the other. When they pulled back, they instinctively rested their foreheads against each other’s, staring at one another. “I love you,” they whispered at the same time as they felt a small piece of their broken hearts begin to repair.

Finnick Odair Taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @heroinhchicblog222

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[daisyblog]

Jungle Love

Our Story Masterlist Summary: YN is on I’m A Celeb, and Harry is her special visitor.

Based on this request

YN had been in the jungle for almost three weeks. Although she had made it to the end, she was more than ready to go home. 

She took the opportunity to challenge herself and to try something new. She wanted to show the world that she was more than just Louis Tomlinsons sister, or Harry Styles’ girlfriend. 

As they were nearing the finale and very close to announcing the jungle winner, they decided to send in loved ones into the jungle to surprise the contestants. Harry jumped at the chance to wrap his arms around his girlfriend and to be able to speak to her after almost a month of not being able to.

Harry walked between the jungle trees, as he took one step closer to seeing YN again. He looked around at the campsite, not believing he was actually there. 

“I’m so excited to see YN now…but also nervous.” Harry spoke. “I feel like I’m going on our first date again.”.

“I’m so proud of her and everything she’s done so far…she’s really challenged herself.” The sound of leaves crunching brought Harry back to reality. When YN came around the corner, Harry’s smile only got bigger and wider.

YN gasped when she saw Harry sitting on one of the campsite chairs. “Oh my god!”. YN’s legs ran towards Harry who scooped her up and held her tight. 

“I’ve missed you so much!”. Harry spoke into her neck. “I’m so proud of you!”. 

Tears poured down both their cheeks as they continued to hold onto eachother tight. Scared that if they let go, they’d wake up and it would be a dream.

“I can’t believe you’re here!” YN took her head from Harry’s neck. She took this opportunity to press her lips to his multiple times, missing the feeling of them on hers.

“I’m ready for you to come home.” Harry mumbled in between kisses. 

Harry had his arm wrapped around YN’s shoulder keeping her close whilst she spoke to the camera. “I was so surprised…I didn’t expect to walk around the corner and see Harry sitting there…it was the best surprise.”. 

YN and Harry are sat as one on her hammock, making the most of the time they have together before Harry has to leave. “Everyone back home is so proud of you.” 

“I can’t wait to see everyone!” YN looked up as she spoke to him. “That’s the only thing that’s been hard is not seeing you and my family!.”

Talking to the camera again, YN explained how seeing Harry has given her the motivation and the last bit of strength she needs for the final few days in the jungle. 

Before Harry had to leave, they enjoy being in each others arms for a little longer. “I’m so grateful for everything in my life.” YN explained. “Including you, I definitely took for granted having you by my side everyday.”. 

“Aww baby!” He cuddled her tighter. “I love you.” Harry pecked YN’s lips. 

“I love you bubs!”.

“Get yourselves someone who looks at you like Harry Styles looks at YN!” Ant and Dec joked, after the clip of them reunited played. 

Tag List:

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @harrys-flower @platinumbarbie143 @frickin-bats @harrysbbyh0ney @chronicallybubbly @goldensunflowe-r  @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @kaverichauhan @peterholland04 @panicattheuc @or-was-it-just-a-dream @hittiesontour @bunnyharold @fanfictioncafe @lilfreakjez @iamahallucinationnn @theekyliepage @indierockgirrl @buckybarnessimpp @ashleighsss @jerseygirlinca @fake-coolbeans @itsmytimetoodream @treehouse-mouse

[lowkeyerror]

By Your Side

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Notes: Set right after Endgame, has aspects of Wandavision, sort of domestic, A lot of comfort from Wanda, I think it's a lil sweet

Summary: Y/n was the youngest member of the Avengers before the blip, she had to do a lot of growing in those 5 years. Through that experience she learned that no one deserves to be alone during hard times, which is why she offers to house Wanda.

An: 2 post... look at me go

Masterlist

It was impossible for Y/n not to fall for Wanda. It was never the girl's intention. In fact, it never crossed her mind, that was until the pair were reunited after Thanos was defeated.

Y/n was a young adult when the blip happened. A member of the Avengers, the youngest official member (sorry Peter). She was in her early twenties, to the team she was just a kid.

Before the blip, she had resented them for that rhetoric, but when half her team was wiped from existence, she felt so small. She felt like a child thrown into the deep end of a pool.

The reality of her situation forced her to grow up. The next 5 years were hard for her. She found herself isolated from the former members of the team. Mostly because Y/n did not give up being a hero.

Partially because it was the only thing she knew how to do. The other part of it was tied to the fact that the world needed heroes, more now than ever.

When Scott Lang came about and somehow was able to convince the team to get back together. It was interesting, they had all changed a lot. However, Y/n had definitely changed the most.

The experience that she had previously lacked was now present. She no longer had any question about her skill or ability. Y/n had a level of maturity that they would have never guessed lived inside of her.

Y/n was a key piece in bringing everyone back. The victory was more bitter than sweet. The losses that were suffered were tremendous.

Everyone had lost a lot, but amongst those who lost the most, Wanda's name popped into Y/n's mind.

Y/n hadn't got the chance to talk to her until Tony's funeral. Y/n stood between Wanda and Clint.

Throughout the whole thing she had stood strong with her head up; When her friends first disappeared, when she lost Nat, and when she lost Tony, but here at the funeral she felt like a child once again.

Y/n's fists were balled at her sides, and she chewed viciously on her bottom lip in hopes of not sobbing.

" You ok?" Wanda spares the girl a glance.

She doesn't speak, instead she closes her eyes and nods.

Wanda doesn't take her answer at face value, yet, she doesn't verbally challenge Y/n. Instead, she forces her hand into Y/n's balled up fists. The redhead interlocks their fingers and gently rubs Y/n's hand. The feeling makes the sob escape the girl's lips.

" Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm alright, it's just-"

Wanda shakes her head," You don't have to do that with me."

" Do what?"

Wanda turns her full attention towards Y/n," I know things haven't been easy the last 5 years, especially for you. You had to grow up before you were ready to. You've done an amazing job. But when you're with me, you don't have to be that invincible hero, you can just be Y/n."

Y/n had tears streaming down her face before Wanda finished speaking. She let her body shake as she began to let go of everything that happened to her. Wanda pulled her away to a more secluded area. She held the girl as she cried like a baby.

Y/n was taller than Wanda, so she stood awkwardly, burying her head in the red head's shoulder. Wanda's hand gently stroked the back of the girl's head.

She could sense that Y/n had been through a lot, but she wanted to know. Wanda knew pain, she was feeling it too, but the way Y/n cried made her put her hurt aside for a moment.

" I want to know what happened to you," Wanda whispers as she holds Y/n.

The hero nods against Wanda's shoulder, seemingly knowing what she's asking. When Wanda takes a peek into Y/n's mind, she feels everything the girl felt for the last 5 years.

The guilt, the uncertainty, the loneliness, the pressure, the sadness, and the pain. She felt it all, and it was astounding to her. Y/n had such a deep connection with her own feelings, it felt like the girl could drown in them.

" I've got you," she holds the girl a little tighter after digging through her memories.

Once Y/n doesn't feel like she can cry anymore, she stands up straight, and viciously wipes at her tears.

" What are- where are you going after this?"

" I'm not really sure, but-"

Y/n cuts her off," Come stay with me."

Wanda let out a sigh, "But I want to see Vision, is what I was saying."

Y/n nods," I think I can help with that."

Once the funeral was over, Y/n wasted no time driving Wanda to S.W.O.R.D headquarters. The hero was quite certain the man's body was in that building.

Wanda was anxious, it was easy to tell. Y/n understood to some extent for those who were blipped it was almost like no time passed. So to a certain extent, the last thing Wanda felt before her return was the heartbreaking loss of her other half.

When the pair arrived, Wanda basically charged in the building. She walked up to the front desk and demanded to see Vision. The man at the desk repeated something about her not having clearance, just a bunch of bullshit really.

" If you don't let her see him, I will start calling in favors from Pepper. Which is my way of saying I will forcibly make you return him, as he is technically an intellectual property that is patented by Tony Stark."

Before he could respond, his radio went off. The security looked uncertain, but gave them directions, and told them to go through the door.

Wanda didn't waste any time opening the sliding door with her powers and strutting down the hall. Y/n trailed behind her, not wishing to get in her way.

Wanda was annoyed to open the door and find the director of S.W.O.R.D, rather than Vision. He was talking, mostly to her, but she was hardly listening.

That was until he pulled back the curtain in the room. Y/n knew what it was as soon as she laid eyes on it. Her eyes widened in horror.

The horror was soon turned to anger, as he then accused Wanda of trying to bring Vision back to life.

" What the fuck is your problem?" Y/n could help herself.

" Hey, I'm just covering my bases here. It's my job and unfortunately, I cannot allow you to take $3 billion worth of vibranium just to put it in the ground. So the best I can do is to let you say goodbye to him here."

Y/n sees the sadness and desperation permeating off of Wanda, as her finger touch the glass that separate her from the parts of Vision," He's all I have."

" That's just it, Wanda. He isn't yours."

Y/n couldn't believe he would say something like that. It was taking everything in her power not to snatch him up and threaten him.

Wanda broke the glass and chaos ensued. The director stayed up in the office while Y/n jumped down to be next to Wanda. Her eyes moved around to the men with guns pointed solely on the red head.

" Tell them to put the guns down," Y/n made no room for bargaining in her tone.

The director complied, and the men lowered their weapons as Wanda approached Vision.

Her hand stretched out over his head. The sight broke Y/n's heart, but what completely shattered it was what Wanda said," I can't feel you."

Wanda walked away calmly after that. Y/n followed behind her. They left the building in silence.

Y/n got in the driver's seat with a heavy sigh. She wanted to find something to say to the redhead, but she knew didn't have the right words. No matter what said Vision wasn't coming back and Wanda wouldn't be hurting any less.

The woman in the passenger seat looked empty. The only thing Y/n could think to do was offer the woman her hand to hold.

Y/n kept her eyes on the road as Wanda stared at her hand. Eventually, Wanda's hand gently intertwined with Y/n's. The driver gave the hand a light squeeze as she took off in the direction of her home.

The drive was long and silent. Y/n didn't mind, she was drained not only from the day, but from the last 5 years of her life. It finally felt like that chapter had come to an end.

The ending wasn't perfect, it wasn't even necessarily happy, it was just over. Now she would have to somehow continue to move forward without really knowing what that means or what it looks like.

When the pair finally arrived at Y/n's, the driver was exhausted. Are slowly climbed out of the car with Wanda trailing behind her.

" I'll give you a proper tour tomorrow, if that's alright. For now all you really need to know is that, that's the bathroom, that's my room, and yours is right across. I'll get you some towels and pj's right now."

She mumbled a quiet 'thank you' and Y/n left her standing in the living room. Wanda noted that Y/n's house had a comfortable aura around it. It felt lived in and cozy.

She had pictures littering the wall, most of them featured the Avengers. It's sweet, and for a moment it made the woman sad. To think that every day Y/n would come home and see the pictures of the people she loved. Half of them wiped from existence and the other half wanting nothing to do with her.

It had to be lonely for the young hero. When Y/n re-emerged from her room with the stuff, Wanda took it graciously.

" Well I'm probably just going to go to bed, but um help yourself to literally anything you want. And don't hesitate to come get me if you need me, ok?"

" Thank you, for everything Y/n," Wanda gave the woman a sad smile.

Y/n shook her head," It's nothing really."

Wanda wanted to argue, but she didn't have the energy. She let the young woman retire to her bedroom, opting to shower and go get some rest as well.

As time moved forward, Y/n found herself struggling. Now that the missing people had returned from the blip, she found it hard to find a place to fit in.

While there was a lack of heroes in the last 5 years, a good chunk had returned to hero work the moment they were brought back. Meaning that Y/n wasn't needed as much as she was before.

This coupled with the reality that most of the people she worked with had opted to retire from crime fighting or had tragically passed on. The reality of it all was hard for her.

It seemed like 5 years ago she had to rapidly adapt to a situation she wasn't ready for, and now 5 years later the same thing was happening again.

The only thing that was different was that this time she wasn't alone. Wanda was in her corner.

At first, Y/n hated relying on Wanda. The woman had been through enough. Y/n thought that unloading her baggage onto the woman was unfair. So she tried to pretend that she was fine, that none of this bothered her in the slightest.

However, it didn't really work. Wanda had told Y/n, on a number of occasions, that her thoughts were loud. This made Y/n try to clear them before she would come home, but then Wanda counter with her mind was empty.

" Just talk to me, Y/n."

Y/n shook her head," It's nothing."

Wanda sighed," It's not nothing if it's bothering you this much."

" You have enough to think about without me dumping all my emotions on you," Y/n raised her voice.

" I would have one less thing to worry about if you would just tell me how you're feeling, so I didn't have to keep guessing."

Y/n couldn't control her outburst," Fine. I don't understand why I can't find any work. I feel so underappreciated by my peers and the citizens. For 5 years, I was one of the few ones coming to the rescue for any of these people. I was a key part in bringing these people back to their families. I pushed aside my feelings and my pain to be a hero, and as soon as I've done all of the fixing it seems like they don't need me anymore. Like I was just a substitute. I gave up so much, and I'm still willing to give more, but now that there's no Iron Man, no Black Widow, no Captain America, and no Avengers, I'm just an afterthought. And-"

Y/n could've kept going if she didn't just break down sobbing. She could've gone on forever. Wanda was quick to wrap her arms around the girl.

" Why do I still feel like I'm not good enough?"

The woman had cried for what seemed like an eternity. Wanda held her, stroking her back soothingly. Trying to provide Y/n all the comfort she could give.

The woman ended up crying herself to sleep in Wanda's arms. Wanda wiped at Y/n's tear stained cheeks with the pads of her thumbs.

She ended up laying the girl down in the bed. She stared at her former teammate for a long while.

Y/n had given up so much of herself to the hero world. She deserved better than this.

" You are good enough, detka," is the last thing Wanda says before leaving the bedroom.

While the woman sleeps, Wanda makes dinner for the two of them. As she cooked, every thought that crossed her mind revolved around Y/n. She didn't know which course of action to take to help the girl. She had to do something to get the girl out of this hole.

When dinner was nearly finished, she went to try to wake the hero up. She was surprised to see Y/n awake with her legs dangling over the edge of the bed.

She almost looked the same as when Wanda first met her. Except now there was more definition to her muscles, a straighter posture to her back, and a somber presence surrounding her.

Wanda took a seat next to her," A lot of people have this perception that being a hero is the one of the greatest things anyone can be. But I've always viewed it as the greatest sacrifice. There's so much of yourself that can be lost while trying to save others, especially when you're working alone. There's this weight on your shoulders, it's like you're carrying the world-"

" But you feel like you're the only one who knows that," Y/n's head rested in her hands.

" Something that nobody tells you until it's too late, is that you don't have to do this. You can give it up whenever you want, there's no one forcing you to pursue this."

Y/n looked at Wanda with glossy eyes," What else would I do, Wanda? This life is all I've known. I've never wanted to be anything, but this. I still want this, I just-"

" Can't do it on your own."

" I don't think I can anymore," Y/n began to tear up once more.

Wanda moved closer to Y/n. " No more tears, detka," Wanda wiped at the fallen streaks.

" Because you don't have to do it alone ever again. You have me, and I'm not going anywhere, alright. I can make some calls, and maybe we can get a team together."

Y/n looked at Wanda in disbelief," You'd do that for me?"

" Why are you always so surprised that there's someone looking out for you?" It was meant to be a joke on Wanda's part, but Y/n didn't see it that way.

" Because for a long time there wasn't."

Wanda was familiar with the look in Y/n's eyes. She'd seen it before somewhere. The way Y/n looked at her made her heart rate increase.

" Well, now and for the foreseeable future, you'll always have someone in your corner."

For a moment, there's no sound. The two just stare at each other. They both seem acutely aware of how close they are. Wanda's hand is a centimeter away from resting on top of Y/n's.

Unbeknownst to either of them, they are leaning into each other. They get closer and closer, and when they are too close, the oven goes off.

They jump apart and Wanda's hand moves to her lap, before she stands entirely," That would be dinner."

Y/n nods rapidly," I'm going to change into something more comfortable, and I'll be there in a minute."

Wanda hurriedly exited the room. Her eyebrows furrowed as she registered the pit at the bottom of her stomach. It was too soon for this in her head. She still wasn't completely over losing the love of her life. Yet she had these complicated feelings surfacing for Y/n.

The girl who had saved her life. Who brought her into her home with no questions asked or any favors needed. The girl who had been the strongest member of The Avengers. The one who never gave up on her cause.

Wanda wasn't ready, but her feelings didn't seem to care about that.

Y/n was in her room with similar thoughts swarming in her head. She had finally figured it out once she got a good look at the former hero. Y/n was falling in love, and she hadn't even noticed. Wanda brought comfort to her in situations that she never knew warranted such care.

There was nothing she could do about it. Though she wanted to stop herself from having romantic feelings towards Wanda, she was already in too deep.

" Fuck," she muttered, as she finally got out the bed and made her way to the kitchen.

Dinner between the two was uncharacteristically silent. Once they were done, they parted ways.

Y/n couldn't go back to sleep after dinner. She blamed it on the nap, but that wasn't it. She was thinking about Wanda; about how close they were to kissing.

She wondered what it would've felt like. If Wanda's lips were as soft as they looked. If they tasted sweet like her chapstick. Would things have escalated if they did kiss? Did wanting to kiss Wanda make her a bad friend?

It was pointless to stay in bed. Y/n decided she was going back to the kitchen for a drink. However, as she opened her bedroom door, Wanda was standing outside of it.

She stared at Y/n, an uncertain twinkle in her eyes. A nervous jitter about her body.

" Your thoughts are loud tonight."

The color drains from Y/n's face almost instantly, and she wishes that she could close the door more now than ever.

" Oh," was all the hero could muster up. Her eyes were trained on the floor, scared to look at Wanda

" I am so scared that if I kiss you, the universal will rip you away from me."

That causes Y/n to meet the redhead's eyes," Wanda-"

" Y/n, the things that I love- the people that I love, all end up being taken away from me. And I don't know if I can handle that happening again."

Y/n searches for the right words, but she doesn't know if she has them," I'm scared too. I'm scared that if I kiss you, it won't mean anything. I'm scared that I can't heal your broken heart. I'm scared that I wouldn't ever be enough for you because I'm not him."

The tone is somber as they stare at each other. Both having this aching want for each other. Both of them, scared of falling into their desires.

" You aren't Vision." She took a small pause. " But I would never ask you to be him. Y/n, you've already helped me heal so much and you don't even know it. You are more than for me. In fact, I think it might even be too good for me. If we kissed, it would mean everything to me."

Y/n wanted to say something. She wanted to speak from the heart, but she was coming up empty. The only thing she could think to do was press her lips to Wanda's.

The redhead's arms locked around Y/n's neck. While the hero's hands rested lightly on the dips of Wanda's hips.

For Y/n it was like she was breathing for the first time; effortless. For Wanda, it was like being brought back to life.

Wanda's lips were soft, and they were sweet like her chapstick, just like Y/n thought they would be.

" I could do that forever," Y/n chuckles against Wanda's lips.

The red shoves the hero's shoulder lightly," You're cheesy."

" I think you meant to say charming."

Wanda pecks Y/n's lips again," No, I definitely meant cheesy."

Y/n squeezes Wanda's hips," Lay with me?"

" I'd love nothing more."

The future for the pair looked dark and uncertain at one point. They each had lost so much that they were scared to claim anything as special ever again. Ultimately, they had nothing to worry about. As they had each other as constant beacons of light in their futures.

[daughterofcain-67]

𝙾𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝙾𝚞𝚛 𝚃𝚒𝚖𝚎 (𝚙𝚝 2)

(Soldier Boy x Female Reader)

(masterlist)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: after his release and escape from Russia, Ben finds himself back in the states but it’s not the same place he’s known before. nonetheless he is determined to get his revenge on Payback for setting him up, and perhaps he’ll finally reunite with you after all these years. He can’t help but wonder… did you wait for him the whole time he was gone?

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: minor spoilers to season three, Ben’s point of view when he saw The Legend when he returned to the states. no major spoilers.

Russia…

God what Ben would give to get the Hell out of this country.

Yes, he was conscious but barely because of the fumes that were held up to his face. He lost track of so much time and he didn’t even know what day it was anymore. Let alone what year.

Ben didn’t feel strong enough because of these blasted fumes, he couldn’t even break out of a stupid metal box. He felt the worst feeling a man could feel when he was tortured and experimented on. He felt helpless, humiliated, betrayed by his own teammates.

Did they really hate him that much? Sure he was a bit hard on them, gave them a few beatings here and there to knock some sense into them. But was it really enough to try and get him killed?

This whole time his hope was that Crimson Countess would come and find him. After all, he hadn’t broken up with her yet and he thought she still loved him. After all, with you being retired, there was no way Vought would ever tell you what part of Nicaragua he was stationed, or even what his own team did behind his back.

You were right though, and he wished now that he would have listened to you.

Outside of his prison, he swore he was able to hear some voices. Probably those damned Russians coming to pull him out for more experiments. Maybe that could be his chance if they didn’t sedate him this time.

The next thing he knew, he could hear some sort of alarm going off and he was still motionless. It was like he was in some sort of coma and he hated that he could hear a lot of what was happening, but he couldn’t do anything about it. It was his own personal Hell.

Then everything went quiet after the gunfire. He wondered what the hell must’ve happened, what went wrong?

Ben didn’t believe in miracles, but the next thing he knew he could here someone stepping up to this damned metal box. It had to be some supe because no human could take off the front of this damned thing so easily. Was it Vought?

If it was Vought, there was no way in Hell he would ever go back there. Not after the shit they did to him.

As the fumes inside of the vault finally seemed to dissipate, he felt like some kind of fog was finally being lifted. Ben slowly tilted his head to see if he could actually move and to his surprise… he could. He slowly opened his eyes, and at first his vision was a little blurry, even he had to admit that. Who knew how long they had been closed since he hadn’t used them after all.

Once the fog was lifted for him, however, he looked down at his restraints and all it took was a bit of a flex to tear them off. Must’ve been old material by now. Ben took the IV’s out of his arm and whatever sticker things were on his chest and he tossed them to the side. He took off the mask that was blowing the fumes into his system and he felt more alert after that.

He lifted his arms out and gripped onto the outside of the vault to steady himself as he prepared to use his legs again for the first time. One step forward, then another, then he was out of the vault.

He lifted his gaze, realizing that his vision was clearing up nicely, only to notice a group of people were standing in front of him looking stunned. One of them looked like he was about to shit himself.

As he walked further into the room, he realized he had this new sort of energy rushing through him. Something that was much more than just some kind of adrenaline rush. This was different, new, something that had to be the result of whatever radiation the Russians filled him up with to see what could kill him.

He looked down and closed his eyes, concentrating to see exactly what would happen if he focused. Then he started feeling something from within his chest. It felt like some sort of heartburn, but it wasn’t really painful like one.

Nonetheless, the feeling was intense and his chest began to glow and as he tried to release the power, this energy blast escaped from him and it destroyed the back wall that was blocking his way.

When he looked up and saw the damage he had done, he had to admit it was a little surprising that he could do this sort of thing now. Maybe that was the only thing he could thank the Russians for. Not that they’d get his thanks after the shit they put him through to get to this point.

Ben looked forward, not really giving much of a damn to get to know the people that released him, and he walked out of the room and into the hall.

Eventually, he found some guy and knocked him out so he could take his clothes. After all, there wasn’t much of a reason to have your junk out unless he was at herogasm. Once he was dressed, he felt something fall from the pocket of the pants he was putting on.

When he looked down, he saw some rectangular screen. Ben lifted a brow as he bent over and picked it up just to see that it lit up. He squinted a little before he blinked again and saw some picture on the screen. There was even the date and time on this thing.

“What the fuck?”

Well he didn’t exactly expect to live past the turn of the millennium. The 2000’s? Well, according to the lit up brick it was the 2020’s.

That was more time than he expected he lost while he was there. He wondered if you had still waited for him all this time or if you had forgotten about him after a few years of him being gone.

You…

He had to get back to you, Everything in Ben was screaming at him to make it back to the states to get back to you somehow. He wondered if you were even still alive or if you’d be alive and.. well a bit older now with how much time has flown by.

Then he remembered the one thing he promised himself that he would do. He never broke things off with Countess. Well, after what she and the rest of his team did, he was pretty sure it was already over but Ben? Well, Ben wanted to make sure things were more than official. Make her and the rest of his old team pay for the time he’s wasted being here when he could have spent the last several decades being with you.

1984…

After he shut the door behind your apartment, he looked at his team. All of them looked frustrated with him for taking so long. Well, with the exception of Black Noir since his mask was covered.

“Who the fuck do you think you’re looking at? Do you want me to tell you how many damn times I’ve had to wait on all of you when we have to go on a mission? Head out to the car before I crack your fucking skulls open.” He told them and they all started going out to the car so they could get to the headquarters.

Ben looked back at your door with a certain aching in his chest.

He knew you tended to have some sort of intuition about some missions. He wondered since you were clearly worried about him, if he would have anything to be genuinely worried about, or if you were just trying to find an excuse to make him stay.

He hoped that you knew that if he could stay with you, than he would have. But this was Ben’s job, and he didn’t have that much of a choice.

Once Ben made it to the car that took him into that plane so they could go out of the country, his mind started wandering off to you. He wondered if you liked the little gift he gave you. He wasn’t exactly huge on sentimental shit, but you meant something to him and he wanted you to have something to remember him by just in case your little intuition was right and he did have something to worry about.

Eventually, Ben made it to an airport and snuck his way into a cargo plane. It was an easy enough way to not get caught since it seemed entirely too complicated to sneak in the actual airport. Nobody would believe he was Soldier Boy, and he highly doubted people would believe it anyway since it’s been so long.

Anyway, once he got onto the cargo plane, he did what he could to make himself at least semi-comfortable since he had a feeling this would be a long flight.

The one thing he was looking forward to, though, was seeing your smiling face again after so many years.

He was finally coming home.

A few days had gone by and you knew Butcher and his little team must’ve made it to Russia by now. Well actually, they may have even arrived back in the states if they’ve successfully found what they were looking for. You just hoped they would find the answers so they could end Homelander. The world deserved to know the truth about their beloved heroes and their many imperfections.

On the other hand, you had a feeling that such a weapon couldn’t actually exist. It was just some kind of folklore at this point, a legend that you genuinely thought to be myth. If that were the case, though, you wondered how they would end up defeating Homelander.

Then again, if what you heard was correct and that group that came to visit you was really involved in the death of Translucent, you were sure they would find an alternative way of taking care of Homelander. They seemed like a smart enough group to improvise something if things weren’t going to go their way.

For the time being, you were at the store, just getting some groceries you needed at the house. It gave you an excuse to get out and about somehow without drawing much attention. Plus you needed food before you got hangry.

While you were grabbing some ingredients you were planning for some meals that week, you could hear a few other shoppers talking about the news and when you looked over at one of them, they were pointing at a television screen.

You glanced up at the tv at one of the corners in the store, your eyes widened when you saw the reports of a building that experienced some sort of explosion. It wasn’t released to the public how many people suffered or died because of what happened, but you knew the numbers would be released eventually.

“Do you think it’s another Super Terrorist?” One person asked their friend.

“They’re called Super Villains. Didn’t you hear Homelander? That’s the better term, obviously.”

You couldn’t help but to roll your eyes at the conversation. Just because some famous guy says one thing sounds better shouldn’t mean the whole world has to stand by it. People were allowed to have their own opinions and they should learn to think for themselves rather than look to supes for political accuracy.

Your eyes widened when you saw the footage released on the news. Some terrorist used some sort of energy blast to destroy that building. How many people did that person kill?

There were times you couldn’t believe the kind of monsters that were out there today. And you thought Hitler was bad, having lived through that. Why were people so insane? You couldn’t believe what this world was coming to and you couldn’t help but feel out of place sometimes.

Shaking your head, you went back to minding your own business as you tried to think of what you should eat for dinner that night and what ingredients you needed. Some Italian dish came to mind so you picked up some pasta, Alfredo sauce, and some seasonings you needed. Then you went to the meats, you grabbed some chicken and you picked up some shrimp and garlic bread from the frozen aisle.

After that, you went to the wine area and tried to think of what sort of wine you were in the mood for that evening.

Gosh, you could hear Ben’s voice in your head making fun of you for being a wine drinker after all the times you both would have some beers together, or maybe the harder stuff after a long mission he had. Although it’s not like either of you could get drunk unless you had a full bottle or two for the each of you.

You smiled to yourself as you remembered some of the drinking games you two would come up with when you would watch old voices. You knew Ben hated watching romance movies but one time your forced him to watch Gone with the Wind with you, and he made up the bright idea of making a drinking game out of it. Anytime Scarlett would flirt with, kiss, or even hug Ashley it was one drink. That was just an example of the nonsense he’d come up with in the movie.

In the end, you decided to pick up some Franciacorta, just some sparkling wine for your supper that evening. Maybe you would even watch Gone with the Wind again, without playing Ben’s little drinking game.

After finding everything you needed, you went to the register and bought everything. You walked out of the store you grabbed everything you needed before you started making your way home.

As you walked out with your bags in hand, you started walking to your car when something caught your attention through your peripheral vision. You glanced over and you saw a man in what looked like a grey runners outfit of sorts with a red stripe on his jacket. He had long hair, a very messy beard that was in desperate need of a trim. But he had these eyes that seemed so familiar, eyes that you hadn’t seen in decades.

“It couldn’t be…” You whispered and when you took a step forward, a large bus with some poster for The Seven drove by and once it passed, the mystery man disappeared.

“Ben…”

It couldn’t be true. He was dead. You hadn’t seen him in decades, everyone in Vought said he was dead. The whole world knew he was gone. How was he still alive. That had to be him right?

What if you were mistaken and it was just some kind of look alike? What if it was just some sort of freak coincidence? Surely you were just seeing things because of those people that swung by your house a few days ago.

You went to your car and popped open the trunk so you could set your groceries down. Afterwards, you went into the car and started to drive home, completely unable to get that man’s face out of your mind.

The man’s face, even if it was covered by the unruly facial hair, you knew deep down that was your Ben. But how did he get back into the states if he was out of the country for so many years?

“You’re imagining things. It couldn’t have been him.” You reminded yourself.

If it were really your Ben, he would have contacted you a long time ago if he were still alive. So you had to be reasonable about this. Maybe if you just go on about your business, you would be able to move on and forget you ever saw that stranger. What you saw couldn’t have been a reality.

After a while you had arrived home and you grabbed the groceries from the trunk of the car. The trip from the car to your front door was a short one but you noticed an envelope taped to your door.

You lifted a brow and you shifted the bags from one hand to the other, you were just glad you didn’t have that many bags after all. Taking the letter from your front door, you opening it to enter your home. You shut the door behind you with your heel before entering the kitchen so you could set everything down on the counter. Once your hands were finally free you opened up the envelope to see what was inside.

When you pulled out what was inside, your eyes widened.

It was a picture, a close up, of the man you used to know. He was in the last uniform he ever wore before his out of the country trip. He had his mask off and he was already there in Nicaragua with his team. It was a photo that was never released to the public.

You looked at the back of the photo to see if there was a name, note or anything on it but it was blank. What you found was simply a heart and the date the photo was taken. It was such an old photo and you could tell that Ben wrote the date with the heart a long time ago. So it couldn’t have been recent, unfortunately.

You wished you knew who had this photo for so long. Why did they keep it? Was it one of his teammates?

You wondered if Countess had something to do with it. She never did like you for whatever reason. You didn’t really care to know why though.

When you were about to set the envelope down somewhere, you noticed a little notecard fell out. Your tilted your head a little before you bent down and picked it up and read the notecard. The handwriting was clearly feminine but you proceeded to read.

Hi Miss Y/N,

My name is Annie and I’m friends with Hughie. I’ve found this picture of Soldier Boy somewhere in the files in Vought and thought you might like to have it.

Best regards,

Starlight.

That was oddly sweet of her to give you a picture of Ben. Hughie telling a member of The Seven where you lived felt a little unsettling though. You weren’t sure if you could necessarily trust it, but none of them have exactly given you a reason not to trust them just yet.

The best you could do at the moment was just set the note to the side and went to your little desk in your office. You realized you never put your chest back where it belonged that had all of your letters to Ben.

The events of today were definitely worth writing about. Maybe one quick little letter before dinner couldn’t hurt anything, could it?

When you grabbed your writing paper and a pen, you began your letter which was practically a run down of everything that’s happened within the last couple of hours.

Ben,

You wouldn’t believe what happened today. Supe Terrorists are active and I think I’m hallucinating…

Ben ended up visiting with The Legend after his little mishap with that building after his arrival.

Honestly he couldn’t explain what happened. He was still getting used to his new abilities, sure, but he wasn’t even trying to use them when he killed all of those people. The news released the numbers and he found out he killed 19 people.

“So how did you do it?” Ben’s old friend asked while Ben stood in the bathroom looking at himself in the mirror.

“Do what?” He questioned as he looked at his hair and beard. You’d have his head if you saw him walking around like this. You hated if he didn’t trim his beard, now he understood why.

“You got a razor or a trimmer anywhere?”

“Yeah, second drawer on your left. And you know what I meant. How the Hell did you fake your own death?”

Ben rolled his eyes as he pulled out the drawer to look for the razor. What he saw wasn’t a single blade like he was used to, but it looked like it had five blades.

“Who the fuck needs five blades to do the job of one blade?” Ben asked as he held up the razor and the old man just shrugged.

“Just keeping up with the times, Ben. Now are you gonna answer the question or not?”

“Let’s just boil it down to I got lucky, alright?” Ben finally answered before he looked at the man through the mirror.

“Although… I would like some info on Countess. She still suckin’ in air?”

“Yeah, as far as I know. Although, I’m getting the feeling your little reunion won’t blow over too well, will it?”

Ben just let out a hum, “We’ll see how it goes for her. Do you happen to know what went down in Nicaragua?”

“What do you mean? Everyone said you were killed and whatever supposedly killed you was in Russia.” Legend commented as he stood there, somewhat amused while watching Soldier Boy use a different razor than what he was used to.

“So you don’t know everything that went down?”

“Am I supposed to know what went down?”

Ben sighed. Honestly he wasn’t sure if Legend was telling the truth on this one or not but he did trust him enough to not kill him. No, he just wanted his revenge on his former teammates, “The team set me up. Countess, Noir, Gunpowder, all of them.”

“Shit, Man.”

“They tried to get me killed then they sent me to Russia. I’m just lucky I found my way back.” Ben said and he put the razor down before he picked up some scissors to start trimming his hair.

“So that’s why you’re off to see Countess, huh? Ask her who exactly was behind it and all?”

“Well duh. I just wonder if it was a Vought thing or if it was just the crew wanting me dead.”

“Good luck with all that. You’ve never really had that many problems getting what you wanted out of them, excluding the end of course.”

Then he remembered the woman he saw not long after he blew the building. At first he could have sworn it was you, but he wondered if it was just some sort of relative of yours that looked almost exactly like you. Ben just had to know for sure if it was you or not.

“Have you heard about Quake? Is she still around?” He questioned while he focused on his trim.

“Quake? Last I heard she was alive and kicking. No one’s heard from her in decades though since her retirement. You know how she was though. If she wasn’t really into the fame Payback brought you and your old team, she’s not going to want the public to know where she is or what she’s been up to.” Legend replied.

Ben couldn’t help but to smile a little to himself. You had your little quirks and he thought it was cute that you never cared much about the fame of everything. He thought it was sweet in your own little way that you wanted him all to yourself and wanted him to break up with Crimson Countess before you even slept with him.

“You know, a lot of people speculated after your death if you two had a thing for each other.” Legend said just as Ben finished up trimming his hair and he brushed the remnants off his shoulders.

“So is that why you’re asking about her? You planning on seeing her too?” Ben looked over when he heard the question.

“I need to know who my allies are is all. Clearly Payback doesn’t have my trust anymore.”

“You’re avoiding the question.”

“Come on, I’ve been gone decades and you’re wondering if I’ve got the hots for Quake? She’s probably moved on by now.” He rolled his eyes. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s lied to Legend, or withheld information.

“Uh huh. Right… well she never ‘moved on’ as you say. She doesn’t have any kids or grandchildren. There’s no record of her getting married either.”

Those words made Ben’s heart swell. You actually waited this whole time? He could hardly believe something like that. Most people would have moved on.

“Right… well… Do you know where Countess lives? I’d better be off before Vought IDs me in the video the news released this morning.” Ben cleared his throat

Legend sighed a little and he walked over to his desk where he had a sheet of paper. He wrote down the supe’s address before handing the sheet over to Ben.

“Watch your back out there, Soldier Boy. Things aren’t exactly the same as how they were when you were still presumed alive. Shit’s changed and they have a lot of security cameras. Vought’s gonna have access to those.” Legend warned.

“Yeah… you’re telling me. Never in my life have I felt out of place. It’s fucking weird.” He said and he took the paper from his friend, shoving it into a pocket.

“Wish me luck.”

Hi everyone!! Thank you all so much for your support and comments in the first part! I am so excited to see where this story will go and I hope all of you enjoy~

Tag List:

@deans-spinster-witch @roseblue373 @fanfic-n-tabulous @chriszgirl92 @hobby27 @nancymcl @globetrotter28 @jackles010378 @capricxnt @k-slla @angelbabyyy99 @david-tennant-obsessed-blog

[toh-rarepair-otd]

todays TOH rarepair is:

Luz x Hunter!

Ever since they met, Luz and Hunter's bond has been special. Luz had never been afraid of Hunter; she easily saw through the mask he put on as the Golden Guard and treated him like a regular person. At first it was confusing to Hunter, and he felt disrespected, but each time he interacted with Luz he couldn't help but feel some sort of energy between them— Luz's good attitude was infectious. She was relentlessly friendly, and he was secretly grateful for it. After learning that he was a Grimwalker, Hunter's whole world was turned upside down. His entire identity as a witch was shattered. Who else could he trust but Luz? And who else could Luz trust with her secret but Hunter? While in the human realm, the two of them became very close. They were both going through a very difficult time, but together they helped each other feel less alone, less guilty. They'd stay up at night with each other, sitting on the back porch so as to not wake anybody in the overcrowded house, talking about their fears and hopes for the future. It was during this time that Hunter realized that his feelings for Luz weren't just platonic, and they never really had been. He'd had a crush on her since the beginning. But Luz and Amity were still together, and even though Luz was unhappy in this relationship, he didn't want to ruin things for them. So he ignored it, and enjoyed his time in the Human Realm with Luz.

The events of Halloween night came and went, and Hunter's life got all mixed up again. He was back on the Isles, Flapjack was gone, he was imprisoned by The Collector, and all too soon Luz was gone. There was nothing he could have done, but still he felt guilty. Losing hope wasn't an option, though-- Camila talked him and the other witch kids into powering through and continuing to help the other witches The Collector had taken prisoner, and then before he even had time to process everything that had happened, things were going back to normal. Gus, Willow, and Amity reunited with their parents, Hunter saw Darius and Eber again, things were fine, he held it together- but the next time he saw Luz, he couldn't help but break down. He was forced to really confront it for the first time; what if Luz hadn't been saved by the Titan? He would have lost her forever. His first friend, his best friend, the person who'd saved him from Belos— he'd never even said thank you. So he told her all this, how he loved her with all his heart, how he was so sorry for not being honest about how he felt, how he didn't know what he'd do without her... it was a lot. And he regretted it immediately, with the way she looked at him. Like her heart was breaking. She told him she loved him too, how he was more important to her than he'd ever realize— he was her best friend.

And things went back to normal. Hunter and Luz didn't talk about it. They stayed best friends, if anything even closer than before-they'd hang out almost every day, text each other about everything, and even have frequent sleepovers at The Owl House or Darius's place. It was the best time of Hunter's life, but it was agonizing. For years, they continued like that, until Luz finally worked up the nerve to break up with Amity. She'd wanted to for ages, ever since their time in the human realm, but she hated confrontation. Hunter was the only person she could talk to about this, and he was good at keeping secrets. Amity took it pretty bad. She said some mean things to Luz and accused her of messing around with Hunter behind her back, even though that wasn't true in the slightest. That did put the idea back in Luz's mind, though. Of course she'd had a bit of a crush on Hunter that fluctuated in intensity over the years, but she never imagined that she'd be able to do anything about it. But now she was free of Amity, and Hunter was just right there like he always was, and suddenly she couldn't wait anymore.

So one evening as they were spending a night in together, Luz working on her homework, Hunter doing some casual reading, neither of them talking until Luz brought it up. "Have you had your first kiss?" Hunter's face flushed bright red, but he couldn't lie. "No." How could he have kissed anyone when he'd spent the past four years pining after Luz? He was even more embarrassed when Luz smiled, that same smirk she got when she was planning something. "Would you like to? Luz had expected Hunter to be more shy, but he surprised her by being the one to lean in and kiss her. It was quick and chaste; he was polite as ever. It was delightful. For the rest of the evening their tasks were abandoned in favor of making out and cuddling on the couch, talking and figuring things out, until Eda walked in on them and sent Hunter home. It was mortifying, but Eda wasn't mad, only a bit exasperated. Luz and Hunter were dating from then on; everyone at school knew it, with how publicly affectionate Luz always was. Camila was especially happy for them, she had always thought Hunter was a good kid.

[grapejuicestyless]

conrad and fem!reader were bestfriends growing up but they were always in love. (reader is a conklin) they were both in love but they were both so oblivious to each others love (Susannah always knew hehe) I was thinking this could be inspired by ‘back to you’ by selena gomez

basically when susannah dies conrad lashes out on yn and says like the worst thing you can think of but then tries to kiss her and yn is so freaked out that they don’t see each other for years. After yn finishes college everyone reunites at the summer house and Conrad and yn finally realize what’s been right in front of them.

i know this is a lot but your writing is so beautiful especially with Conrad. thank u <3 🙏🏻

Back To You

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

Angst to fluff

Summery: The request above^^^ I tried to stay as close to what was requested I hope this is okay! <3

The waves hit the wooden poles underneath our feet in a soft pattern. The thrashing of them shaking the dock just enough that you could feel it rocking. It was calming, breaking the silence that settled between my oldest son and I. Conrad had been off all spring, part of me connected it to his old ex girlfriend breaking it off with him, but that was just what I told myself because the thought that Conrad knew what was going on, something I swore I would keep hidden until it had to be know, made me sick with guilt. How my condition was weighing him down.

I took him out to the old dock just for one on one time. He used to love it out here at night. The way the stars illuminated the sky in their different patterns, the way even with them shifting, the constellations always found their way to stick together in the sky for a few weeks at a time. He loved the feeling of the damp wooden bench beneath his legs and how close we could cuddle up out here. He always loved it just being us.

“What’s going on, Connie?” My words were soft, in no way pushing him to open up any fresh wounds. He seemed wound up, his light dampened. I wanted to figure it out, I wanted to help him. The Conklin’s would be down here by morning and I worried that if left unresolved, it could bubble into a mess.

“Hm?” He acted confused, completely unaware to what I meant. I knew my son better than that though. He was always far too smart to play dumb.

“What’s got you down?” I put on my best smile, trying to squint my eyes to make them as welcoming as I could. My Conrad was never the most open with his feelings. He hated to be vulnerable. He told me once when he was younger that he felt if he was ever truly honest, the words would never be able to have been taken back. By saying things he didn’t say, by pushing people away, it gave him a good distance to build up the courage to make amends again. It gave him the time to choose when he was ready to open up his heart to whoever he wanted. He was always so conscious with things like that. Always thinking things through before doing them. It was funny how much a contrast he was with his feelings compared to Jeremiah. My spontaneous son who had no fears about regretting anything. Using his charm to get his way through life.

Laurel once joked that she believed Conrad’s eyes were so much darker because they held much more fear than Jeremiah’s. He was consumed by it. At the time we laughed, but now I was beginning to believe she was right. Here I was, preparing for a death nobody knew was coming and still, after nearly two decades of fighting and loving, I still was stuck at that distant arms length Conrad held me at.

He ignored the question, looking out to the sky. He knew he could’ve lied to me, could’ve made up something about his old heartbreak. How he was stressed with school. Anything to at least let me be able to give my support, even if it wasn’t in the areas he needed it. Conrad knew me like I knew him, though. Bound not only by blood but by love. There was no great excuse he could make that I wouldn’t pick up on. Mothers know everything, it’s our job.

My hands shook, partly from the cold and half from the disease working it’s way into my system. He shuttered sun my fingers wrapped around his, lips pressing to the back of his hand and my thumb smoothing over his skin to keep it stuck there.

“You don’t have to go through this alone, okay? When you feel like you need to say something, you don’t have to overthink it with me, okay? I’m your mom. I’ll love you no matter what’s going on in that mind of yours.” I saw the way his mouth twitched upward, a faltering smile so weak it was barely there. His eyes shinned in the moonlight, illuminated by the stars and the fireflies zipping by.

“Thank you, Mom.” He was honest then. I knew it by the way he said it. Like a weight was lifted off of his shoulders. He didn’t avoid my gaze, but held it firmly.

He crashed into me like one of the gentle waves into the dock. Arms wrapping around me in the biggest hug he’d given all year to me. His fingers dug into the back of my blouse, holding onto me for dead life in a way. He seemed desperate to be close to me.

A deep sigh left his nose, tickling the skin on my neck and down my back. I almost laughed at the feeling, but held it in to prolong the moment we were sharing. Soon, we would both be leaving whether we liked it or not, it was certain. I hoped that in the attempt to have one last perfect summer, Conrad and I could become closer. That we could all find a sense of happiness.

That sense came a few hours later. A wish being fulfilled without any extra begging. By now the moon was long gone, hiding beneath the horizon, the birds alive and singing. The children playing on nearby beaches and the whooshing of speeding cars passing the driveway.

Each part of the home was set up in the way I had hand picked it to be. My favorite flowers resting on the mantle and a bowl of the freshest fruits in the center of the kitchen countertops. The air was clean and crisp, blowing through the cracked window over the sink. It was cooling and refreshing, the outsides sounds seeping into the calm quiet of the house.

“They’re here!” My youngest shouted, heavy elephant feet stampeding down the stairs in pure excitement. I felt my own feet pick up from under me to jog outside. Summer was beginning.

The familiar silver car sat parked out by the bushes in the front, the engine still cooling and the sound of the car shutting off echoing through the area. The wheels moved from side to side, leaning closer to the ground to help give as the four missing pieces of Cousins announced their arrival.

Steven was the first to let his presence be known. His long, scrawny body stretching up after a long drive, an exaggerated groan becoming dragged out to truly emphasize how long their trip was. Jeremiah barely let him step away from the car before they were messing around, his arms wrapped around Steven in a welcoming hold. Their catching up was loud and joyful, jokes spewing off of their tongues without any extra effort.

Belly and Laurel came next, piling out of opposite sides of the car. Belly had occupied the passengers seat and Laurel the back right one. Both skipped the long stretch and made their way closer to their respected friends.

It was when Belly started making her way over to Jeremiah and Steven, giving an excited wave that I saw just how much she had changed. Her hair was longer, straighter. It fell just below her chest, shiny and thick. Her eyes seemed to sparkle brighter than last summer and her teeth had finally straightened enough to ditch the braces. It seemed like she was the center of attention for everyone because of these changes. Jeremiah swooning, hearts of eyes and Steven choosing to react in pure disgust, their playful teasing died down behind Laurels approaching voice.

“This has been a long time coming.” She sighed contently, arms already wrapping around me, feet in lifting from side to side to away smoothly. My hands rubbed along her back. She pulled away after a moment, observing the area, watching our kids. I saw her eyebrows furrow in confusion, almost like she was sad. I knew what it was.

Even in all this happiness, in all the reuniting and teasing, two very vital people remained missing. Y/n and Conrad.

While Belly and Jeremiah had an unbreakable bond that could carry any room, it never was really complete without Conrad and Y/n. To put it simply, even if Belly and Jeremiah were as great as they could be, Conrad and Y/n were the blueprint. They were the glue. No summer was truly starting until they were doing something irresponsible or stupid. One of them in a coughing fit, the other laughing themselves into one.

My lips drew themselves into a tight lipped smile, eyes finding the sky above. I swallowed. The words were in the tip of my tongue, the confession about what was happening with Conrad. What I believed was happening. I was getting ready to spill my guts about why Conrad wasn’t rushing out here. How he had been off all summer, and it was like he could hear me.

“Conrad!” The car door swung open so fast, I thought it might’ve snapped off with the force of it. It shook the car, slamming even harder than it had opened. The voice, still as sweet as I remember it being, belonged to Y/n.

She looked exasperated, hair a mess, cheeks flushed. Like she’d just woken up from a messy sleep. Her lips were bitten raw, and her shirt hung off her shoulder, unlike Belly’s that fit perfectly. But she was a ray of sunshine. She glowed like the brightest star in the sky. Her smile was infectious, spreading onto my best friend and I’s faces subconsciously. She truly captured the essence of pure happiness, the one I wanted so badly to feel this summer.

Heavy footsteps grew louder and louder behind me until a gust of wind was passed, the footsteps meeting their owner. Conrad, the moody, hurting boy who was completely shut away just hours ago was now running into the arms of his best friend. Of the girl he loved most.

They connected in the middle, the force of it making Y/n squeak. It didn’t stop them from tangling themselves up like they always seemed to do, Conrad’s back bent backwards and Y/n’s feet of the ground. They spun in circles, laughing the entire time. Even being limited to short glances at Conrad’s face while they spun, I could see the light in his face returning. The way his cheeks turned pinker and his eye bags seemed to get less heavy. He would never admit it, but it looked like he had gotten ready for her arrival. He no longer wore a plain grey zip up and old stained sweatpants. He wore Y/n’s favorite blue shirt he owned and matching shorts. She claimed he looked his best in that shirt because it fit him so well. Not too tight, but not too loose. He looked out together enough to go anywhere, but could remain comfortable. She’d even gone so far last summer to say it made him look handsome, something she confessed while drunk, clinging into her best friend and giggling under her breath.

I knew Conrad would never admit he chose the shirt just because he remembered that specific moment, but it was fairly obvious. At least to me. He always had the ability to pinpoint specific events, precise moments that involved something Y/n had done or said. He knew what she hated and what she loved. He put in more effort to make her see him than anyone else I’d ever known. It was endearing to see how much he cared for her.

More than that, it was like a storm had passed, Conrad’s grumpy attitude dissolving into one of pure sunshine and playfulness. He held no fear with her. Everything he did, everything he said, he knew it could be said with confidence. She was the one thing in this world he never felt ashamed to say what he needed to around. The only thing he never shared, his feelings. How he was so in love with her, his summers became dedicated solely to seeing her every second he could.

Secret sleepovers, long bonfire nights and early mornings on the beach. There was not more than a few hours that they weren’t together everyday. It was disappointing to see how he couldn’t share that, as Y/n so clearly felt the same for him.

Her eyes always looking for his face in a crowded room, her hands reaching out to feel he was there constantly. She needed him in more ways anyone could ever need a friend, she showed it, but they somehow always managed to shut down these feelings behind their insecurities of being wrong.

Jeremiah didn’t even get a chance to make his way over to talk with Y/n before she was being led away by his older brother, feet struggling to keep up behind him while he dragged her into the house. The thumping of their feet hitting the stairs sounded through the front door, their laughter and yelling echoing down the hall until his door slammed to a shut. I couldn’t help but laugh, Laurels own giggles stifled underneath mine. It was so obvious how much they cared for each other, yet so frustrating that they never acted on it.

The two of them always chased and chased, no aware that they were both aiming for the same thing. It was sweet to see puppy love like that. One so pure that they couldn’t even admit the feelings they so strongly felt for each other. Something they’d held since childhood, living in complete oblivion since.

The sun was high in the sky, a bright burning ball sizzling it’s mark into all of our skin. I could practically see Conrad’s shoulders peeling beneath its strong rays already. I had warned him to put on a rash guard, knowing he wouldn’t reapply. But he was so excited to catch up to Y/n, my words fell deaf on his ears. She was already out in the water with Belly and Steven, splashing around, laughter echoing as she grabbed what looked like mounds of wet sand from the bottom of the ocean to cover Belly with.

“Connie, you’re going to regret it later.” I had said, all to familiar with the distant sounds of his whining in the middle of the night. Conrad’s back sore and the aloe vera sticking to the warm sheets. But in that moment, the cringe worthy memory seemed to slip his mind as nothing was more important than getting to Y/n. He waved me off, promising to be careful but not really meaning it.

They were out there for hours that day. The waves were calm and the seaweed was relatively clear. The two of them, Y/n and Conrad, spent the perfect conditions submerged so deep into the water that when they reached land again, they complained how their legs felt like jelly. Conrads shoulders were bright red, torched by the beach day. I could see how they ached, just like I had said they would. Y/n’s cheeks and forehead were tinted a harsh red but she seemed completely unaware. Unbothered.

Conrad had pointed out how she had freckles on her face she didn’t have before. It was obvious how he thought she was beautiful, even then. I guess looking back on that memory, it was more clear that even at such a childish age, Conrad somehow always managed to pay the most attention to Y/n. Always the most observant of her tiniest details and mannerisms. Things he hadn’t even thought about in the others.

I didn’t let them sleep upstairs that night. I made sure to proclaim my love to them, but made it known I cherished my sleep more. Really, it was their own fault. Conrad had been warned to take precautions and those were blatantly ignored by the both of them.

I remember this day not because of how great the morning was, the summer breeze blowing in all its glory, but because of how the night had turned out to be.

The clocks hands were just passing the point that separated the late night and early morning. My blankets I had left for the kids spread across the large couch. The blankets were sticking to Conrads back and the aloe was rubbing off with each movement he made. I knew he was trying to muffle his whines, not wanting to be a bother, not wanting to wake his tired mother. I still heard it, and the rolling around became constant listening to the faint complaints from downstairs. It felt impossible to settle down at the time for Conrad, the soft melodic ticking of the kitchen clock only a reminder to how late the night was growing. Of how much time he had left before he was expected to be up and enjoying the day again. I remember feeling hopeless for him, he felt like crying.

It was the soft touch of fingers curling over his biceps carefully that pulled him from his descent into madness and silenced his cries. If it were anyone else, the sudden feeling of skin on skin would’ve scared him, sent him running upstairs into my arms like always. But the sensation was one he knew well. That and the shiny blue nail polish on her nails.

“Conrad, what’s wrong?” Her voice was soft, worrisome. It almost made him feel insecure, stupid in how he was getting ready to enter fourth grade and still couldn’t get over the ache of a stupid sunburn. Conrad should’ve felt pathetic, in his eyes. If it were Belly, or Steven or even Jere, he probably would’ve. But this was Y/n. His best friend! He knew he had nothing to be embarrassed about with her, she would never judge him.

“Is it your sunburn again?” She knew the answer, but always wanted to make sure. All it took was the slow nod of his head for her to lift herself off of the makeshift bed she’d made on the couch, the soft padding of her sock clad feet becoming more distant the farther she went into the house. In that moment, he felt confused, wondering if she was leaving him too. If his whining was even too much for her.

But, no. She came back with more aloe vera. A new bottle from the very back of the fridge. Conrad remembered how gentle she was when putting it on his back for him. It was feathery light, pressure changing depending on how severe the burn was. Even at such a young age, Y/n knew just what Conrad needed to make him feel better. It was like her sixth sense. Conrad had told me that morning, his heart couldn’t help but warm at that idea. That she had a special power just for him. He described it like waking up from a hazy dream.

A realization dawning on him after it had been forming for years. Y/n wasn’t just some girl Conrad enjoyed spending all my time with because she was simply just his best friend, but because deep down he loved her more than that. He knew he always felt something for her. Even when we were toddlers. The way she always shared with him, stuck by his side. At the time, Conrad acted annoyed by her presence, but he always secretly loved having her so close. He babbled about it in his sleep. He would slur how he felt safer, warmer, happier. Even his dumb little fourth grade self could see that those feelings weren’t ones someone had for a best friend. Those were feelings reserved for someone you loved. He knew then that he had always loved Y/n, now was just the first time he confronted those feelings.

When the sun rose, I was met with a goopy mess spilling all over the coffee table and a shiny back and Y/n’s wet hand. I could put the pieces together, but back then, Conrad made sure I didn’t have to.

That morning, while Y/n showered to get ready for the day, he went into depth about what had happened that led to the mess. How he felt, what was happening. At the time, I believed it was merely a small crush that he amounted to true love because he had never felt love before, but the longer I observed the pair, the more obvious it became that my little boy was in love with his best friend.

For Y/n, the day of realization came much later.

I remember the day clearly. Laurel and I had been insisting on a much needed a girls day, folding twenties into Conrad and Y/n’s palms and placing them in charge of the younger siblings of the bunch. Conrad being the oldest Fisher and Y/n the eldest Conklin, it wasn’t unusual that we would place our trust in them, tasking them with the job of keeping everyone in check for a day.

They’d decided to go to the boardwalk, the day too beautiful to not enjoy it. When arriving, the group had agreed to split up and conquer. Conrad would take Belly to the ring toss and Y/n would take Jeremiah and Steven to the go-karts. Everyone would meet back up in two hours for ice-cream and swap groups.

Y/n spent nearly all her money that day on those stupid go-karts. She’d only ridden them once, but Jeremiah and Steven kept begging to go again, again and again. Y/n was always such a softy, despite her confident exterior. Especially when it came to her younger friends. She couldn’t say no to them, they were just too convincing. When they met back up as a group, she complained, having a headache from the loud engines of the ride. She had eight dollars left in her pocket. Conrad had a large smile on his face and a polar bear named, Junior Mint, held loosely in his arms that he’d won after Belly begged him for it.

The looks on their faces made Y/n jealous, in a way. A feeling she knew shouldn’t be feeling when the situation involved her sister and her best friend. Two people she adored more than life itself. But Y/n, no matter how compassionate and understanding as she might be, like the rest of us, can’t control how we feel. We can only control how we reflect them.

“You have fun on the go-karts?” Conrad, who had somehow sensed her bad mood, had made race car sounds with his mouth, holding his arms out in front of him like he was turning a steering wheel in an attempt to lift it. Y/n’s hand hit his chest playfully, feet dragging along the wooden floor beneath their feet.

“The most.” She lied to him then, she wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because she didn’t want him to feel bad for leaving her alone. She wanted him to be able to enjoy his day without having to worry about someone else.

When the time came to pay for their ice cream, it became apparent that the left over eight dollars would not be enough for three of the ice creams. Jeremiah and Steven insisted on getting the largest sizes possible, resulting in a grand total of almost the entire budget. Even if Y/n got a kiddy cup, she wouldn’t have enough to spend for a third cup.

Holding the money in her hands and looking back at the excited boys behind her, Y/n felt responsible to keep them that way. Happy. After all, she was the oldest. It was her job to look after them. To put their happiness above her own. She spent all her money on what they wanted that day, walking over to the table they’d picked over in the shade empty handed, disappointed in the lack of a cold treat to snack on after a long day.

Everyone was sat across from her, the table full of everyone except Conrad, who was ordering for him and Belly. Y/n’s hands became the most interesting thing to her for a brief period of time. The peeling paint on the table a good distraction from her two friends stuffing their faces with something she so desperately wanted.

“One vanilla ice cream cone for Belly!” She heard Conrad’s voice before I saw him. Her younger sisters eyes practically formed into hearts when he placed the dessert in front of her. He continued to announce the order.

“One mint chip for me and…” Conrad slipped a cup of mint chip ice cream in front of her next, the spoon lime green to match the melting treat below her.

“One for Y/n/n!” He sat beside Y/n then, mixing around the green ice cream until it turned into mush. Y/n lifted her eyes from the table to his face. It was stuffed with his own treat, a satisfied smirk directed towards his best friend. Y/n’s mouth was parted open, stuck like that for the longest time. It was only when Conrad had motioned at the ice cream that she realized it was still under the very hot sun, and melting more now.

With a silent whisper of a thank you, Y/n let the gift cool her down. It tasted sweeter knowing it was from Conrad, Y/n had confessed to me that night. Knowing that he cared enough to know how sad she would be to have been the only one without ice cream to finish off a fun afternoon.

He was always so sweet to her, always going out of his way to make sure she was included in everything. He didn’t have to, but he liked too. That’s what made Y/n like him the most. It didn’t matter what was happening, or who was involved. If Y/n was there, Conrad would be stuck to her side like glue, just like she was to him. He had some magic spell over her that no one else could even come close to.

Conrad always had a way to cheer her up, make Y/n feel like the most special person in the world. She never felt ashamed to be my most vulnerable self around him. He made her heart beat faster, her cheeks flush pink. He made Y/n feel pretty, wanted. More than that, Conrad never failed to give her butterflies.

These were all things she could connect with things someone could have with a best friend, someone close to them. She could convince myself as well as herself it was nothing more than that. Conrad was only a friend to her, but she couldn’t lie to herself anymore than she could lie to me.

Deep down, Y/n always knew she loved Conrad differently than everyone else. She could recognize his laugh anywhere, Y/n knew he had a lucky pair of socks and a least favorite pair of underwear. She knew he liked to part his hair down the middle, but how it trailed off to the left the further back it grew because he used to have a side part when he was younger. Y/n knew his glasses gave him a headache and how he didn’t really mind the feeling of sand stuck in his skin after a beach day. These were all things Y/n would’ve never given a second thought about with anyone else, but things her heart held onto like a prayer because it was Conrad.

Slowly but surely, she came to terms with my feelings developed for Conrad, ones I’d known about vaguely for years as the pair grew closer and closer each passing second since Conrad’s own revelations. Only, before, Y/n used to downplay them as a small crush. One she was developing because he was a boy and she was a teenage girl. She believed was supposed to feel like this, it would pass. But it wasn’t, and sometimes it felt to her like it never would. It grew more and more painfully obvious that Y/n’s feelings were so much more than that, and being in that moment then only solidified that fact. Y/n was in love with Conrad Fisher, her best friend, her world.

We were cuddled up on the couch when she talked to me about the day, the way her senses seemed to point overwhelmingly towards Conrad. I could’ve told her then that my son loved her just the same back, and maybe then they would’ve pulled together like a strong magnet, but I wanted them to find each other. They deserved to realize that through their own actions, not mine. So for years after that final confession, I sat here beside my own best friend wondering along with her when they would finally find each other.

“It’s cat and mouse with them every summer.” I sighed, holding my cup of coffee close to my chest. The warmth of the steam coming off of it warmed my skin in the cool July evening.

Laurel laughed beside me, her own mug clutched in her hands as well, we mirrored each other in looking out towards the back yard where Y/n and Conrad ran around in the grass with a deflated football. The smiles on their faces were vibrant, bright. Ones that only came out when they were together. They had that power over each other, to lift each other up. To make the others heart beat fast.

It was as clear as day what our oldest children felt for each other. No amount of deflections or excuses could hide the blush on their cheeks and the way their touches lingered for just a moment longer than friends should. They knew more about each other than anyone else because they cared too much to not know. It was pure and refreshing to see young love like this, even if neither of them knew what they had yet.

“When do you think they’ll realize what they have?” Laurel asked sincerely, her face turning to watch how my expression changed throughout my answer. She usually never played into my ideas, always being the more logical of the two of us, but this was the one thing we could agree on.

“With our luck, never.” We laughed, Laurels head falling to rest on my shoulder affectionately. We let out a synchronized sigh, allowing a beat of silence to pass.

“I’m sure they’ll find their way, they always do.” My hand rubbed my best friends arm in reassurance, my head settling on top of hers. I rested my weight on her, feeling more tired now that the day was ending.

It was almost comical, how ironic the entire situation was. The two oldest, smartest, strongest of the bunch, the ones who, other than Steven, had been the only ones to successfully apply and get into some of the top schools in the country, even with their brains, couldn’t figure out just how badly they wanted each other. Not even when it was dangled right in front of them.

I partially blamed myself. It was me who had ingrained the title, best friends, into their heads. With each time they were spotted together, with everything they set off to do together, I’d always stuck their names together with those two words. Even when it became more and more obvious that they were falling into each other in a way that crossed the line that divided platonic and romantic, it was always the two of them. The younger Laurel and Susannah. The next generation of best friends.

Conrad never managed to catch Y/n’s longing glances, and Y/n always seemed to just miss the way his hands held onto her in ways he didn’t with anyone else. He held her in ways best friends weren’t supposed to.

Lingering touches that mirrored her stares, fingers twitching, begging to be interlocked. Conrad spoke his feelings to her in acts of service, winning her prizes, helping her with her homework, reading to her when she had headaches, even when she was insufferable because she kept groaning. It was also in physical touch. His cologne practically stuck to her clothes permanently with all the excuses he could find to just touch her in one way or another. Y/n seemed to constantly be trying to relay the same in her own acts of service and physical touch. Holding the door, cooking him his favorite desserts without Conrad even asking, resting her head in his lap during movie night. Both slotting together to mesh perfectly, but their ignorance keeping them apart. If I were any less mature, I would’ve yelled at them to hurry up, I wouldn’t be here forever and I’d like to see my special kids happy before I went.

“What are you thinking about, Beck?” My own best friend asked softly, her head still under mine. I squeezed her arm, feeling sure that one day they would get together.

“How happy they’ll be once they realize what they have.” It went silent, but I knew my best friend. I could sense her tight lipped smile, eyes squinting and nose scrunching. He lifted her head from my shoulder slowly, her hand resting on my lower back.

“Why don’t we settle down for the night?” I wanted to fight her, I wanted to enjoy the calmness of the summer evening. The way our children were just what they needed to be, kids. No matter their age, still able to enjoy the simplicity that the summer home had to offer. But Laurel was right, I was feeling sluggish and if I didn’t rest soon, the couch would be my bed for the night. So I nodded, leaving the image of Y/n pinned under Conrad, his hands wiggling by her sides in an attempt to make her squirm and their laughter to be the last thing I would remember before I fell asleep.

“Con.” My voice was soft, the grass wet under our backs, dirt on our skin. He turned his head to face me, a lazy smile on his face. His eyes were all hazy, clouded by both tiredness and something unreadable that consumed his facial expression.

“Hm.” He hummed, eyes searching my face, lighting up when they settled on my own. I could feel the hair on his arms brush against mine, hands curled up, an indication of how close we truly were. Always just out of reach. My fingers twitched against the back of his hand, aching to be intertwined with his. My eyes flicked to his lips out of habit, breath hitching.

When I looked back to meet his eyes, I found the once playful look replaced with serious stare, burning straight into my head. He seemed stiff, nervous in a way. My cheeks flamed up in embarrassment. He must’ve seen the way I couldn’t pull my gaze from his lips. I breathed out.

“It’ll always be like this, right?” It wasn’t what I wanted to say, what I meant to ask. But in that moment, it was all I could manage. A simply vague question that held so much depth. I hoped he’d say yes, that we’d always be this close, not that we’d always be best friends. Selfishly, I hoped he said we would be more. That we could be so much more.

“You and me, always.” I felt the way his arm shifted from beside me, linking his own hands together over his chest and breathing out. He pulled his attention back to the sky, where the clouds moved faster than they did in June. The summer was ending.

“I wish it could be summer forever.” Feeling awkward being the only one to still be looking at him, I too turned to face the sky. Biting my lip, my eyes shut to imagine it was the beginning of the three wonderful months we had together.

I wished that I could have Conrad forever. That it wasn’t just some summer love that I would have to sit idly on as the seasons changed to a colder, more lonely winter. That Conrad and I could do all the things we always talked about over the phone together. Our cheeks would be rosy with the nip of the frosty weather and not because the sun had burnt us into a delirious mess. Groaning on the couch as we wasted our days away.

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder, Y/n/n.” He joked. Only, the way he said he sounded completely honest. Like he wasn’t joking. He said things like that a lot now. Things that were awfully romantic for someone who swore that we were platonic to all of our friends. It pulled in my heartstrings a little each time one of the phrases would slip. A source of joy for my daydreams to run on for the next few hours. If I were any more delusional, I would’ve told him how I felt about his jokes out loud. But I wasn’t, so I held them in. I let my heart face and my breathing quicken in silence.

“I hope you’ll be just as fond of me when you see me next, then.” I rolled to my side, countering his joke. I heard him laugh. My hands tucked under my head like a pillow and my legs bent at the knee. I made myself smaller next to him.

As our giggles died out, so did his interest in the clouds. He mirrored my position, hands under his head, legs bent up. Our knees touched, radiating a warmth that bounced between our body heat. My eyes were focused on him, but I was spacey. Thinking of just how long we’d be apart. It hurt my heart, I didn’t care if I would grow fonder of him. I didn’t think that was even possible with how much I loved him now.

“What’s running through that head if yours, Y/n/n.” His hand came up, pointer finger delicately tapping the top of my nose. I scrunched it under his touch, so light it tickled. My reaction made him smile again, even after his hand had returned back under his head.

“Thinking about how fondly I’ll think of you next June.” There were some things you just cannot speak about, can not share. I would never share what I was truly thinking about that day. How I was so stuck in my own feelings for him that I couldn’t even bare the thought of not having him beside me. That my heart deflated at just the mere mention of the winter because the only person I ever wanted to be around would be taken away from me.

Conrad’s laugh was weaker this time, smile fading into a smaller one but it was just as happy.

“I hope you’re already pretty fond of me, then.” I returned his smile then, the crinkle by my eyes moving a strand of hair into my face. It tickled my nose again, but I didn’t scrunch it. Too focused on Conrad so close to care.

Before I could respond, I felt the softness of his hand brushing across my face and tucking the strand behind my ear. He did it so gently, like I would break if he wasn’t.

“I am.” It came out breathy now that his touch was on me. He didn’t remove his hand from my face then. Instead, it felt more like he was molding his palm to fit my jawline. He cupped my face in his hand and just admired me. Eyes flickering around until they met my now moony gaze.

It was like some force was pulling us closer, then. Conrad’s face getting closer and closer, little by little. I couldn’t tell who was leaning in. It could’ve been me, but I was almost sure it was him. My eyelashes fluttered, fighting the instinct to close them. I heard how his breath hitched, I felt my own do the same. This was something I had always dreamed of happening, it felt unreal that now out of all times it would happen. I always dreamed of kissing Conrad in the beach, or the old dock where we used to play. Maybe even in the pool where we’d hold our fake Olympic competitions. But here we sat, on the grass, his breath fanning my face.

His head turned little by little, getting ready to connect our lips finally. The squeaky glass door slid open, and by some bad luck, it was enough to scare us into a more distant position. We sat up, now more than just inches away, searching the backyard for who had opened it.

Steven had been the culprit, having forgotten something on the small table outside. Looking beyond the pool, he found Conrad and I, red as can be, eyes wandering around and waved.

“I’ve been looking for you two! Belly wants to have one last movie night. Jeremiah’s making popcorn. Y/n, you’re on blanket duty!” He was completely oblivious to the tension between us. Of how my cheek, right where Conrad had been touching me was burning. How in my mind, it felt like he had left a mark with how hot it felt. I cleared my mind, shaking it off and looking to Conrad almost disappointedly.

To my surprise, he seemed perfectly fine, like nothing had just happened. He sprung to his feet, in fact, completely able to move on and ignore it. Maybe I had read it wrong. Maybe he wasn’t trying to kiss me. Of course I was, it would be stupid to believe that my best friend could really possess some sort of feelings for me. I had simply made it up, tricked my mind into believing it was true because I longed for him too much.

When his hands met mine to held me up, it felt like fire. Flames burning into my hands at how badly I wanted him. If he didn’t care, than I shouldn’t either. My stupid feelings shouldn’t weight down the last hours we’d spend together. It shouldn’t dictate how the last night will go.

I put on a brave smile, sticking a bandaid over the wound over my heart. I bled out on the couch, all over anyone near me. My smile false, heart heavy. I forced myself to forget it and as the movie grew longer and longer, it left my mind completely. Eyebrows feeling lighter, the burning in my throat releasing itself into a soothing sensation. It would be my last memory of the summer that truly stuck. How close I had gotten to Conrad, and how quickly he had slipped away. How wrong I was about how he felt. How hurt I was for believing it could be different.

What I didn’t know then was how he felt the same. How his mind was swirling with the what if’s and the same disappointment I felt. How my fake smile had tricked him into believing it meant nothing to me, like I didn’t understand the weight of the situation at all. He didn’t know how I was breaking inside at how he didn’t seem to care, because he was feeling the same. My own act was tricking him, allowing Conrad to believe just what I thought of him. That I did not care for him like he did with me. That his feelings weren’t reciprocated. It was a dance between us. Chasing in a circle to get the other attention, to figure out what was happening between us. Completely unaware that if we would just turn around, we’d find what we do desperately longed for. The other chasing the same thing. We let the incident go by the morning, pretending that whatever happened was all a dream. And just like that, we were what we had always been. Best friends.

The news came early in the morning. The sun hadn’t fully crossed the horizon yet and there was still dew on the lawn. I was alone then, away at college. The constant calls from my mother waking me up. But it was the one from Conrad that I answered somehow.

“Hello?” My voice was full of sleep, confused as to why my mom was calling me so early. I had an eight am that morning, I had my alarms set. It was all so confusing, hazy.

“Y/n.” His voice was shaky, weak. It woke me up quickly. Conrad was never like this, at least not over the phone. Occasionally he would breakdown around me. The tears always stung. So full of emotion, so overwhelmed to the point he couldn’t keep it together. All it took was someone to ask if he was really okay to tip him over the edge. To open the flood gates. It only happened at the worst of times, it was alarming that it was happening now.

“Conrad, are you okay? What happened?” I knew something bad had to have happened. This wasn’t simply just him calling because of how much he missed me. Those calls came later at night on FaceTime, his voice light and playful each time. This was heavy, I couldn’t see him, he was hiding behind the phone call. I knew it had to be bad, already packing a bag as he spoke. The phone was pressed to my ear by my shoulder and head, I worked on stuffing as much of my clothes in as possible. I made sure to scribble a note down to let my roommate know I was leaving and would be back in a few days.

“It’s my mom.” The world stopped in that moment. I knew I had to get to him even quicker now, I knew he needed me to talk to him, to walk him through his grief but the news was so heavy, my hands stopped working. I froze, unable to do anything but pray that it was some sick prank.

“What?” It came quiet, I wasn’t sure if he even heard me. She wasn’t my mom by birth, I didn’t carry the same relationship to her as Conrad did. I didn’t see her everyday for hours, but in some way she was my second mother. She taught me to ride a bike, how to bake a cake. I learned how to read from her, her name was the first word out of my mouth. She was the grounding in my life. The one person I trusted to share everything because it was likely she’d already been through it. She understood like a mother, helped me grow as one. Her death would leave an empty hole in my heart for eternity, I was sure.

I heard Conrad take a shaky breath, holding it while he tried to piece together what he had to say. What I deserved to know.

“It happened this morning, just an hour ago. I wasn’t going to call so soon but, I thought you deserved to know. She was special to you, so…” He tried to keep it together, I could feel it. I could hear it. How his breaths caught in his throat, the quiet stutter beneath his words.

“Conrad, I…” In looking for all the words I wanted to say, to tell him it would be okay with, I came up short. Unable to make some sense as to what was happen.

“You don’t have to say anything. We all knew it was coming soon.” He dismissed my struggle, knowing that if it were hitting this hard on his end, he could imagine that I wouldn’t take it very week either.

“Yes but Con, that doesn’t make it any better.” I ran a hand through my hair, placing the phone tightly between my shoulder blade and my ear. I began to pack again.

“Do you need me to come down to Boston?” I would’ve come down on my own, would’ve held him like a brother, protected him from the world, the reality of it all. But it was a delicate situation. I had to walk on eggshells, unsure of what was best. I had never lost a relative before, never endured the pain of not having a mother. Never seeing her again like how the Fisher brothers just had. I didn’t know if it was best to stay or go.

“No, no.” Though it sounded like he was lying, like part of him wanted me to just be there, his words were firm, exhausted. If he wanted me there, I would come, but I would not intrude when times were so tough.

The line went quiet for a moment, I can still hear the static ringing through my head even now. How the line went just as quiet as the dorms when everyone was asleep. I could feel the hot liquid trailing down my cheeks, the tightening of my chest becoming more rapid the longer we both stayed quiet.

“Listen, I’ll call you later when I know more, okay?” I nodded my head, only realizing a moment later he couldn’t see me. I took in a deep breath.

“Okay, yeah.” He mumbled a quick goodbye, hanging up the phone and leaving me alone to grieve. The once cheerful morning turned grey with sadness, clouds looming as a reminder to the sunshine we had lost that morning. The dew turned into mud and the plants wilted. My bag was packed in minutes after the call ended, bag slung over my shoulder.

Conrad didn’t want me there, and that was fine. But my mother was at home, sitting with only two thirds of her family who were probably all unaware besides her. If Conrad didn’t need my shoulders to lean on, my mother did. She knew Susannah longer and truer than any of us had. The pain she must be carrying could only be indescribable to her. So if I wasn’t leaving for the Fishers, I was for her.

I never got that call from Conrad, not even a text. As I laid in my childhood bedroom, eyes glued to the ceiling and the silence of the household drowning me in my own self isolation, I didn’t even wonder why. For the first time, my life didn’t revolve around Conrad, on how he was doing, what he was doing. I didn’t miss him anymore. Not because the hurt of him not being here was any less, but because the pain of his mother never coming back being worse. It canceled out and an extreme numbness took over. I felt nothing. I had cried all my tears, screamed into my pillow until my voice gave away. My knuckles hurt from how hard I gripped the steering wheel on the way home. I had already lost it and now I had nothing else to give.

…

The funeral was a week later. Not much time to process such a heavy loss. Adam wanted me to speak at the funeral, he knew how much Susannah meant to me, but I couldn’t do it. Walking up to the podium, I couldn’t say her name. Even if it were just a practice run. My voice ran dry, eyes wet. Staring at her photo by the alter, all I could do was shake my head. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t do what her husband wanted for her. I felt embarrassed I couldn’t help the family who was going through so much still. They claimed they understood, but the guilt loomed.

We sat three rows behind them. Strangers separating us. It made me angry. If not us, the ones who spent hours on hours together, at least my mother deserved to be sitting in the front row with the Fishers. She was a sister to Susannah. She was just as much of a family as they were. I kept my mouth shut, my eyes down. The family took turns speaking, each sentence summarizing her in the most beautiful way possible. Some old friends spoke in her honor too. It felt wrong then, how people who barely knew her could stand up there and act like she was their greatest gift.

When it was Conrad’s turn, he sung a song. In his pain, his voice failed him. Wavering and breaking through the song. He apologized, looking out into the crowd he met my eyes. I wanted to look away, not wanting him to see me so broken when I should be the one supporting him. But by looking into my eyes, even as teary and red as they were, he grounded himself. By the time he finished, the venue was silent, soft cries echoing from the back rows. Nobody acknowledged them out of the fear that it would cause them to breakdown again.

The silence carried over to the Fishers Boston home. Other than the adults mingling and the quiet chatter of Jeremiah and Steven, the room felt empty. It felt like a depressing party, one that was about Susannah, yet excluded her from it.

It was tiring, the whole experience. Always trying to catch up with how quickly everyone else was getting over it. I felt like a dead weight compared to Steven and Belly, who had already started coming to terms with it. I was the only one left living in denial. The only one still dreaming of epiphany’s to make some sense of it. To make the heartache more bearable.

I wore the dark eye bags and my salt tears like a tattoo, ones that had been permanently stained on my face since the news broke. It was obvious I wasn’t doing well. I had planned to go back to school after the funeral, seeking a clean space to cope. To get away from the constant reminders of what could no longer be.

Jeremiah said I looked too weak to be driving myself to school tonight. He set up the guest room for me, decorating it just as his mother used to. Even in my protests he managed to convince me. He told me how it was more for him than it was for me. How having me close made him feel better because it was like gaining a piece of him family back. Like having an older sister come home from college.

After that, I kept mainly to myself. Finding the emptiest rooms and sticking to them. I hid my face in my knees, soft cries coming in waves until I had nothing left to cry for. Alone, I sat in the darkness until the soft chatter died out and all distractions became a heavy peace.

“You should get to bed soon, Conrad, it’s getting late.” I forgot all about him, I realized. Not once having checked on him. It was only Adams soft suggestion reminding me of the other brother, who was probably taking the funeral even harder than his younger brother. Wiping my cheeks with the backs of my hands, I waited until the choking breaths turned into quiet sniffles. Until everything felt calmer, more collected to see him. I wanted to be able to be there for Conrad, even when I wasn’t doing okay either. I wanted to—no. I needed to be strong for him.

I knew where he was, I could see the frame of his back hunched over on the couch. Head hung low and hands fidgeting around anxiously. It made me nervous.

I took the time to go downstairs then, only after I was sure everybody else had filed out of the house, leaving it looming with an eerie emptiness. There were leftovers on the table, one serving left, the rest already in the refrigerator. Adam had already cleaned away any evidence of Susannah’s death.

Taking what was left, I put it on a paper plate. My own stomach rumbled, being empty, but the starving feeling felt better than feeling nothing at all. I knew Conrad hadn’t eaten in hours, cemented to his place on the couch, he needed to eat. It could be considered a peace offering, a kind gesture. Something to maybe lift his spirits.

My hands were shaky, so I had to hold his plate with both hands. I leaned against the wall when I went back upstairs, I didn’t trust my footing anymore. I had to stop halfway up, take a deep breath and pull it together. Conrad needed me, I had to be there. I wanted to be there.

It was a soft knock that pulled me from my descent into a bottomless pit of sadness. My mind shook its self free, eyes fighting consciousness. I was ready to snap, irritated at my dads efforts of trying to move me from where I found some sort of comfort. Really, it wasn’t his fault. He was only a concerned father who wanted to help his son. But I wanted none of it. I wanted even more now than when my mom was alive to be as distant from him as possible. Unforgiving of his horrible mistakes that caused my mom so much pain.

The soft voice that spoke wasn’t one that belonged to my father, not even my brother who had a sweet voice saved specifically for moments like these. To ease the tension, calm everyone down. No, it was like honey. So sweet and gentle. So easy to listen to. I longed to hear more.

“Con?” It belonged to Y/n. My Y/n. The only person I hadn’t really seen all day. The only person I wanted to see all day. Instead, she had spent it making everyone happy with her. Tending to Jeremiah’s wish, staying with us overnight. Giving a loving hand to hold for Belly and Steven, calming down her younger sisters uneven cries and her brothers panicked breathing. She tried to get her mother to open up, but Laurel was like me. Stubborn. Even with her best efforts, she was locked out, leaving her to seek solace in the less crowded rooms upstairs. I wanted to come see her, but my feet no longer worked. My legs were jelly. I felt stuck to the couch. Too weak to keep moving.

I acknowledged her, mouth too dry to speak. She took it as a signal to sit down beside me. The plate in her lap was shaking like her. The food looked unappetizing, but I appreciated her effort. She pushed it towards me, a hand finding my back, she rubbed it like she had in the summer when I was drunk and clinging onto the toilet out of sickness.

Nodding my head, I accepted it only to place it on the table in front of me. I knew she knew I didn’t mean it as an insult, I just couldn’t eat right now. I just wanted her to hold me. I wanted to feel safe again.

So, I placed my head where I’d always wished I could. My ear pressed against her shoulder, hands glued to my lap, her arms wrapped around me out of instinct. It was so warm, so loving. It helped to heal the ache that was ripping through my heart slightly. My headache didn’t feel so severe with her close. She made everything better, just as she always did.

“Con, I’ve known you my whole life, you’re my best friend. You can talk to me. You can trust me, okay?” Her hands in my hair suddenly felt my poison. Little thorns poking into my scalp. The sour reminder that this hold, this closeness wasn’t reserved for me. I wasn’t hers, she wasn’t mine. It made me feel angrier than I should’ve. A mix of grief and disappointment mixing together into something she didn’t deserve. She was only trying to help.

Sighing heavily, I pulled myself away, standing up to create a distance that I knew she felt not only physically but mentally. A feeling of someone close to her becoming closed off to her, just as her mother had done earlier today. I couldn’t look at her. I’d spill everything.

“Conrad, no. Please don’t shut me out. Please, not now.” She was pleading with me, her voice shook slightly, it made my heart break a little, hearing how feeble she was feeling.

“Y/n, can you go please?” I didn’t mean what I said. I’d only done it out of my own petty desires. Hurting the girl I loved more than anything in this world out of my own selfishness. When we were both hurting the most. She didn’t say anything, but I imagined she must’ve shook her head. Her footsteps grew closer.

“No.” She choked out, “No, I’m not leaving you alone right now.” Y/n cared so much for me, she always did. She knew how to read me better than anyone else. She knew that even now when I was asking her to go, I didn’t mean it. I wanted her more than anything. Her knowing this overwhelmed me with a love that I misplaced, unable to cherish and welcome it due to my own selfish nature. Only ever knowing how to push away what was so graciously given to me. I decided to snap at her, make her leave.

“What do you get out of staying, Y/n?” My words were laced with venom, I turned around to speak to her now. Having already built up my walls to know I wouldn’t break. She was speechless, confused.

“I-I don’t…” She couldn’t find the words. Not expecting to be turned on so quickly when she was just trying to help, to be kind.

“God, you are so selfish. This is about you doing what makes you feel good, right? You don’t give a shit about me, Y/n.” I didn’t mean it. I knew Y/n was far from selfish. She was the most selfless person I knew. Always putting herself dead last to help everyone else thrive. She hated thinking she was one day going to be depicted as someone selfish, someone cruel. It was an insecurity I knew she had since childhood. So, in my own anger, I pointed my weapons at her deepest hurts.

“Con, no. That’s not true.” She was defeated now, lip quivering and face contorted into pure pain. I scoffed.

“You can’t even look me in the eyes when you say it. You don’t have to pity me just because my mom is dead.” I kept going, unable to stop now that I had started. I had already stabbed her, now I was only twisting the knife. I watched her eyes well up with tears, all glassy and red. Her lip quivered and her eyebrows pulled together.

“Fuck you Conrad!” It was unexpected. I hoped she would walk away, leave it be and blame it on my grieving, but I should’ve known better. Y/n was like me, stubborn. She was just as much of a fighter ad I was, kinder but full of anger just as I was.

“Susannah was as much of a mother to me as my own! You aren’t the only one grieving, asshole! I’m doing this because I care. I care Conrad, and I wish I didn’t because you don’t deserve it, but I do. And I’m afraid I always will. So…so don’t you disregard my sadness out of the spite of your own anger!” What started out so strong had faltered into a weak confession. She was looking at me in the eyes, finding it in herself to finally make eye contact, breaking the invisible barrier between us. We were chest to chest.

Even in her state, she was so beautiful. Like an Angel sent form heaven specifically for me. I couldn’t help the way my eyes searched her face. I felt confused, more overwhelmed now than ever.

A silence took over, heavy breathing turning into quiet huffs of air. Even, steady. We were so close, I could feel her body heat radiating onto me.

I opened my mouth to speak, I wanted to apologize but the words got stuck. I couldn’t convey what I wanted to tell her. How she meant the world to me, how she was the only person who I cared about more than anything. She was the only person I didn’t want to shut out, didn’t mean to shut out. I loved her more than anything I’ve ever loved and it hurt me to not be able to love her as more than a friend.

My fingers found her hand then, squeezing and pulling her fingers between my own. I held it there, by her side, trying to get her to understand. I heard her breath hitch, saw her eyes find my lips. They flickered back up to my face. I needed her badly then, I knew I couldn’t wait. She was right here, so willing to stay when I’d treated her so horribly. She saw right through me constantly, she stuck by me in my darkest storms.

I didn’t think about it when I did it. About how my leaning in, my effort to kiss her could’ve scared her away. I was blinded by want, by need. I forgot it takes two people to have something.

Y/n released a breath only to hitch it once again, moving back from where I leaned in, she lengthened the gap between us again. A soft whimper woke me up from my haze, her head shaking rapidly. She looked scared. But more than that, she looked guilty, hurt.

Susannah was dead, there was no way to avoid that fact. My mom was never coming back, and that alone broke everyone into tiny pieces. Knowing Y/n, I knew how complicated everything felt for her. She was grieving, hurting. Not even I could piece together what she was thinking.

“Connie.” Her second whimper of my name is the one that made me back away. It was then I saw what I had done. The girl I loved most was staring back at me with wide eyes, mouth open slightly and body shaking. More than that, she had tears streaming down her face rapidly. I had made Y/n cry. For the first time in my life, I had made my best friend cry.

My heart shattered at the realization. How I’d ripped her down, made her feel vulnerable and then went in to kiss her like it would cancel everything out. I moved back again, trying to find the right words to apologize with. A silence surrounded us, crickets and the late night breeze the only sounds filling the walls around us.

I watched her a step back, slightly faltering over the threshold of the doorframe. Her hand ripped away from mine quickly, leaving a burning feeling behind from where we were once connected. A pain that wasn’t real, but felt so. She began to walk backwards now, hands finding the hallways walls for support, her feet failing her.

“Y/n.” My voice was quiet, my feet cemented to the floor. She shook her head again, a sob racking through her body. It’s a sound I’d never heard before. One I hope to never hear again. I could see how panicked she was. How everything was just now catching up. Her feet move quicker now, seeing how I’m reaching out for her. She’s scared, how could she not be? We’d crossed a line that wasn’t meant to be crossed, one that was toed over during one of the most horrible moments of our lives.

She’s halfway down the stairs now, the thumping of her feet louder than the creaking of the stairs. Jeremiah sticks his head out at the sound, looking between her disappearing figure and my body stuck in the doorway. It’s then I realize she’s actually leaving. Not to find peace in the guest bedroom, but to go away for good. I’d pushed her away, why had I pushed her away?

I’m quick then, my feet finding the floor in front of me, I make a mad dash down the hall and around the old banister. It cried under my weight but I push through, desperate to reach her. I don’t care who I wake up, if my fathers mad. If he’d just finished crying himself to sleep. I’m shouting after Y/n, yelling her name like it’s the only word in my dictionary.

“Y/n!” My feet stopped at the beginning of the driveway. The space her car once occupied is gone, not even the distant sound of a car rushing down the street can be heard. She’s slipped away from me just as my mother had, leaving me completely alone.

I walked out to the street, trying to see if she had parked it elsewhere. She wouldn’t leave me, would she? Not after we’d promised we’d always be like this. So close, always together.

The street was empty, only the flickering street lights illuminating the dark streets. I felt defeated, broken. I had got what I intended for, but not what I wanted.

Y/n was gone like the wind, leaving me in the stillness of the night, overthinking everything that had led us to this tipping point. All the tension, all the build up just for the resolve to be our ending. I always dreamed of the day I could finally confess my feelings to her. Even if she didn’t reciprocate them, she would never be mean about it. We’d always be close, and that alone gave me comfort. Now, I wasn’t so sure. What should’ve brought us together in my head, the one thing I’d always dreamed about, had split us apart. It’s almost funny how it happened, when it happened. The two people I always saw myself standing next to for the rest of eternity gone within the same week. Unsure if seeing them again was even something that was possible.

In all the years I had ignored him, Conrad never stopped reaching out. Not until my Junior year. My phone was filled with unanswered messages that varied from topic to topic. He kept me updated even in my absence from his life, wanting to salvage the closeness we’d cherished when we were younger.

He told me how he was in therapy, a week later he told me how he’d stopped going. Not only because he felt like it was nearly impossible to open up to a complete stranger, but because going felt like another financial burden he was adding to his fathers long list of bills and soon to be debt. Conrad shared how day by day, the grief of losing his mother was getting easier to cope with. The happy memories of her having been around at some point fueling him each day. He felt grateful he even had the pleasure to know her so well. Call her his mother. He was going to school to become a doctor now, changing his major halfway through his freshman year because he wanted to help people going through what his mother was forced to endure. He wanted to save people, help them in ways he was never able to help Susannah. He had a good heart, an honest one. Yet, he never spoke of any new lovers in his life. He carried all these amazing qualities, but his heart still longed for me, the girl who had left and never looked back.

It had been just over three years since I’d walked away from Conrad. Three years since I’d seen him. I couldn’t even look at him through photos. I was grown now, but my heart still aches in the same childish way it did when the wound was fresh. He never brought up what happened after the funeral. It was like his attempt to kiss me didn’t exist, only adding to the hurt I felt. Only confirming what I believed from the beginning. Conrad Fisher hadn’t leaned in to kiss me because he loved me, he had done it because he was grieving and didn’t know how to feel. He didn’t love me like I loved him. He did it because I was always so easy. The lovesick fool who would do anything for him, even if it hurt me the most. Susannah had been so sure that he did love me the same, I almost believed her, but it was ignorant to buy into it when it was so obviously not there. Yet, I still felt a tingling sensation each time I looked back at his messages. I wondered if in the time he’d stopped talking to me, he’d found someone else to love and know like he did with me. I hoped that my replacement was beautiful, like a model on the cover of Vogue. I prayed she was smart and kind like Susannah. I hoped she was everything I wasn’t to him.

Deep down, I knew part of my attachment, my fixation on what he was up to was because of the messages. How no matter how wrong it felt, I continued to allow myself to be part of his life from a distance. Even if Conrad didn’t know it, I always cared. Always would. I told him that the day I left. It was fear that turned out to be true. A curse that kept me from finding that same love for anyone else. My heart belonged to Conrad Fisher, a boy who barely knew me anymore. A boy who I wasn’t even sure if I could consider a friend anymore. A boy I want to be able to call my friend again. I had been so resolute all these years in keeping to my word. That after that night, I would never come back. The last would stay just that, the past. It was never that easy.

Letting go of Conrad Fisher was more than only losing the love of my life. It was like throwing away the last pieces of a Susannah. Sure, I still talked to Jeremiah quite frequently. Our phone calls lasted for hours, he never failed to make me smile. But he didn’t have Susannah’s eyes. He didn’t have her blonde hair or her smile. He was a direct reflection of his father, other than his unwavering optimism. None of his features lined up in the same way Conrad’s did. He was her twin, in a way. Losing him felt like losing her all over again.

All I did was try, try, keep trying. I kept pushing until I had nothing left to give, a burnout who barely made it to graduation. No friends to stand with at the finish line. All in an effort to forget what was lost along the way. Losing Conrad made all my achievements feel unworthy. A deep depression looming deep in my stomach, waiting for the right moment to rise, swallow me whole. Not even seeing my family there, sitting excitedly in the folding chairs could lift my spirits. There were four empty seats beside them that shattered my heart. I could place a name to each one. Figure out who would sit where if they had shown. But that bridge was burned and it was my fault.

My fault for running away from the boy who adored me like no other. Who made me feel special. Who understood me like a lover. My heart felt empty, I couldn’t sleep at all that night. Not even when Belly had shared about her forming relationship with Jeremiah, not when Steven confessed he thought he might be marrying Taylor soon, he was ready to buy a ring.

Years ago, that would’ve been something that lifted my mood. Filled me with joy, excitement that my sister was finding her own soulmate in a close friend. How her heart finally beat for the one that was there for her the whole time. But like a train, it hit me that the connecting link between the Fisher family and the Conklin’s would no longer be Conrad and I like I always dreamed it to be. It would be Jeremiah and Belly. Steven’s upcoming engagement didn’t thrill me either. His healthy relationship only reminding me of the ones I lacked. Amplifying the loneliness I was already painfully aware of. All by my own doing.

I felt like I was crashing, listening to my family talk about how well they were doing. It was like they couldn’t see the downward spiral I was falling into. Becoming my worst self.

Going home to a house filled with tainted memories surely didn’t help. Nor did the bottle of alcohol placed in the middle of the kitchen table. Picking it up and drinking straight from the glass was bound to happen, I was hurting and it was my numbing solution. Years ago I had told myself I’d rather feel all the pain in the world than be numb when it came to Susannah’s passing, but now I wished I could take it back. Each drink hurt less and less. The tequila turned into water, my eyes hurt to keep open. I was a quiet mess on the couch. Unaware of anything really.

It was an issue how easily persuaded I was when drunk. In my sober state, I would have never agreed to Belly’s proposition. I would’ve protested, claiming I still wasn’t ready to face my issues. I wasn’t fully prepared to accept that Conrad never loved me, that it was his grief that made him want to kiss me. Something I loved with for years. But I wasn’t sober, and Belly’s argument that we’d be going down for the summer again because it would be what Susannah wanted had me packing a bag for the morning. Ready to go down to the one place I hadn’t been since Susannah still inhabited it.

I found myself hurting in the back of the car, aching, tired. The road underneath the wheels crunching and bouncing the car in a way that made my head pound. I laid my head in my moms lap, praying for it to all be over. Seeking the peace of stillness.

Susannah had once told my mother that she believed I was walking sunshine. A force that lit up the sky when I was around. Someone who’s smile was so contagious, even her brooding son couldn’t help but feel joyful around me. It felt like I was letting her down in a way. Now that everyone had moved on, had gotten better. I felt like an idiot being stuck on the past. What was worse is that I wasn’t sure if I was so stuck because of Susannah or because of Conrad. Both answers freaked me out.

“Y/n, honey.” Her voice was gentle, hands running through my hair. I felt a mess. Hair messy like a child’s, eyes wide yet so tired. My lips were wet with drool, cheeks rosy with the summer heat. My head pounded with a nasty hangover.

I knew what my mom was going to tell me. I felt the car come to a halt, the road turning sharply into a familiar driveway with even more familiar trees peaking through the window. I knew where we were. I wasn’t sure if I was ready, but I knew there was no turning back.

Belly and Steven got out of the car first, just like every year prior. Footsteps echoed from the crushed up shells and rocks that were considered a driveway. Laughter and chatter, I recognized the voice as Jeremiah’s. My mother shifted underneath my head in hearing this, ready to get up. Her eyes met mine, silently pleading for me to just, try.

Sitting up, my back aches from the odd position I forced myself in. What I thought was comfort was a hidden pain shooting through my back. All I wanted more than anything was to lay back down on my moms lap. To pretend we were still at home. Like I wouldn’t have to confront anything. I heard the excitement in Jeremiahs voice.

“So, where’s Y/n?” My moms heavy sigh was a signal of impatience, her understanding was wearing thin, she was ready to shove me out into the outside.

I opened the car door slowly, head peaking out. My eyes were wide and nervous. Hands shaking around the door frame. I felt like a shell of the person I was the last time I’d stepped foot on this very ground.

“Jere.” His eyes were just as bright blue as I remembered, his hair just as unruly and free. He hadn’t changed, that alone gave me some sort of comfort. I felt my lips twitch up into a smile, eyebrows furrowed. I should’ve had smile lines at this age, but I only had worry lines. To stressed to think about being happy. But here I was, body peaking beyond the car door, cowering like a young child meeting new faces at a party.

My feet dragged, my body curling into itself in such a pathetic way. The door close weakly behind me, it didn’t make a sound I was sure I hadn’t closed it properly in my nervousness.

His footsteps were quick on the driveway, long strides shortening the amount of time it took to reach me. His eyes were slightly closed, like he was holding back tears. His arms outstretched, fingers motioning for me to come to him.

I didn’t realize how much I had missed how tightly he held onto me until having been deprived of it for so long. I wished I had been around more. I think I would’ve been better off if I had been. I could’ve healed, talked everything through.

But I ran. Far away from the people who supported me greatly, from the people who I needed to be around the most. I was cowardly and childish. A fool so blinded by her own emotions, I let myself close off to the people who I’d never had to before. I smeared my tears on Jeremiah’s shirt, his shoulder firm under my cheeks.

“I didn’t think you’d actually come.” His hands held my cheeks when he pulled away, keeping a hold on me liked I’d slip away if he didn’t. I shook my head, eyes crinkling just like they used to when we were children. I let out a hurt laugh. It was the furthest thing from real, but it felt nice to make someone else believe it was. Placing my hands over his, he lost all ability to move his hands other than his thumbs. He swiped at my tears, fighting off his own.

“I missed you.” I pinched his cheek, wiggling his face around playfully and snapping it back into place. His hands fell from my face, pretending to not find amusement in my attempts of play in such a serious moment. He swatted my hands away. My hangover was still intense, and my heart still beat unevenly, there was still a sense of magic around the beach house. I could feel the sadness slipping away, a new relief filling my heart as I eased back into the old routines of summer. It was still there, it always would be, but being around half of the pair I grew up around was enough to clear the murky skies and paint them a beautiful shade of crystal blue.

“I didn’t think you’d ever come back.” His words made my hands freeze, pulling back away from him and my smile falling, hard to bring back up. How could I explain my absence was one that was caused not only by the passing of his own mother, but by the cruel joke his brother had played on me. How in the weakest times, he continued to play me, made me feel so easy.

A deep breath got stuck in my throat, blinking hard. The small lump in my throat expanded until it burned. I swallowed, and swallowed until the pain was soothed enough to speak without an intense rasp. Licking my lips, I prepared for the long explanation and heavy details I would shorten to help Jeremiah understand why I had left everyone behind. I opened my mouth, only to have my words cut off and my heart to leap into my throat.

“Y/n.” His voice was airy, like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Turning my head to the side, I saw the joy in his face, mixing with what I could read as pure shock and what I could pick up as a deep sadness. It was clear it wasn’t only the youngest who was shocked by me showing up this summer.

“Conrad.” My tone was the same. I didn’t chase after him like I did to Jeremiah, nor did I welcome him into my arms, letting him walk right up to me. I felt stuck in place, heart racing at the sudden confrontation. He looked thinner, more tired. But his skin was still sun kissed and his nose was burnt on the bridge into a pinkish red. He had freckles scattered on his face and the same middle part that still, even after almost a decade of the change, curved off to the side near the back.

It was his house, it was stupid to pretend to be shocked by him being there. Jeremiah and all the courage I’d gained to even begin the process of speaking up about what happened was gone. The smile, even as fake as it was was wiped from my face and replaced with pure terror, pain.

It was like ripping my heart out all over again. Resurrecting the feelings that I had sworn to have buried over the last years. The ones I promised would never come back. I never saw myself in this light. So pathetic, letting something so old kill me all over again. It was like I was watching myself out of my body, listening to the world around me as a ghost. Only half of who I was. It was like I convinced myself these past few months that what happened was merely just a flesh wound, nothing deeper. I couldn’t have anticipated how far the ache would reach. How intense it would feel.

Conrad had began to try and speak again, his hands raising, my heart beating. The closer he inched, the harder it became to breath. The more blurry my vision became, the more everything hurt in a way I was sure I would never feel again.

Like some saint, Jeremiah had seen it. The way my shoulders tensed, chest rising and falling erratically. My skin was becoming blotchy around my neck and my eyes were watering more. I looked just as panicked as I felt. He’d seen me crashing out, he knew just as Conrad once had to get me out of there.

His hand hooked in mine, fingers intertwined tightly and palms pressed together until there was no space between us. He looked to me with a fake face on, eyes searching mine, he prayed I would go along with it.

My ears tuned most of it out, the pounding on my ears to great to really listen to what he was saying. I could only nod my head and let him lead the way. My footing was unstable, the ground shifting and pebbles flying in front of my feet each time I lifted my shoes off the ground. The birds sung to each other, and my mother instructed everyone to help unload the last of the cars luggage. Jeremiah and I had slipped away, keeping distance away from Conrad while doing so and slipped through the back door to seek shelter in his room.

I knew I had to explain it to him then, I couldn’t leave Jeremiah in the dark. Not when he’d been so worried that he pulled me away from his own brother, my best friend. He’d saved me, in a way. I owed it to him to tell him everything. Even if he’d take Conrad side. Even if I lost my only other bridge to Susannah’s life. He deserved to know.

Sitting on his messy duvet cover, my shoes fell to the floor, creating a heavy sound when they connected with the carpet. My knees were pulled to my chest, as if to hide away in a way. He was patient with me, his hand warm on my leg. I felt calmer without Conrad so close, with walls to separate us. I told him everything. He stayed stone faced while processing my feelings, how my heartache had been so great I couldn’t take myself back here until now. How my heart still longed for Conrad Fisher, how it always would. He didn’t judge me, but I could see how he felt bad for me. An idiot who fell in love with his idiot brother.

She’d been ignoring me all week. Something I never saw myself becoming well aquatinted with when it came to her. She was always a ball of sunshine, so easy going, so open to change. I had no idea that by me expressing my feelings I could change it in a moment. I wouldn’t have done it if I knew she would have run like this.

My mom always believed that Y/n and I were meant to be, pulled together by some invisible force. It constantly worked in our favors to push and pull us into a tightly knitted circle. Just us. When she died, Y/n was persistent on being supportive. Being there, caring more than anyone had ever done for me in that dark time. I thought that it was smart to buy into my fantasies, that Y/n had developed the same feelings I held for her and we could finally be what I’d always dreamed of.

It was the worst thing I could’ve done, looking back. How naive I was to think that even if she did reciprocate what I held for her, she was grieving just like I was. She was weak. Maybe she thought of it as wrong, now that my mom was dead. I drove her away with my own selfishness. It was a regret I carried all of my college experience.

Phone dry, a never ending loop of unanswered texts. She became a dump in a way, a place for me to open up even in her not being there. Part of me liked to think she read the messages. She had turned off her alerts, I had no idea, but thinking she saw them made my heart hurt less.

I thought by her coming, even though I knew the chances were slim as the Conklin’s had packed up and spent the summer down at Cousins without her in the previous years, I knew that maybe by her just being close that we could mend things. I had to. It hurt me to not be able to reach out and touch her like I once had the privilege to.

To hold her fingers under mine, rubbing dirt out of her eyebrows and maybe pressing my palms to her temples just to feel her warmth. How her legs tangled between the lawn and my own. It was all a foreign memory, ones that kept me going. Her laugh was a distant memory, one that echoed each night before I went to bed. For years I covered my ears and held my breath, afraid to loose the sound of her voice and smell of her perfume. Some shirts stayed hung up idly in my closet because she lingered on them. I didn’t want to wash it away yet.

Jeremiah insisted she just needed time after the first day. After he’d taken her away from me. I went into his room that night to yell at him, ask him why he would do that to me when he knew just how badly I wanted to hold her. He shook his head and held his breath. She was still hurting, he explained. Still scarred by the injuries that should’ve healed months ago. She needed time.

Time, something that became limited in the summer. Something we had not much of. There was no more guarantee she would be back. No more sure telling that her smile would once again light up the summer home and her voice would ring throughout the beaches. This could be my last ever moments with her. My last real conversation being one that caused her to leave.

I wanted to make it right more than anything, wanted to show her I still cared more than anything. I wanted to tell her everything. Pretend that we were okay, really be okay. I wanted her back.

Around the twelve day mark, I had enough. Time and space was something she had plenty of. I understood her, better than anyone. I know she needed her space, continues to need to heal. But for the first time in my life it’s like I have no clue on how to even begin to help her do that. It made me feel stupid, helpless. Killing myself over a girl who was once only a little girl to me.

The old dock was a place I found myself at most peace. The way the waves gently brushed against the old wooden beams, rocking the platform above. How the moonlight peaked through the cracks of the wooden roof and glistened on the water. You could faintly make out the shape of fish if you really looked and the wind was chilling compared to the usual humid summer air that hung all morning.

My arms were situated right against my body, hands tucked under my armpits. I was cold, sure, but I would never admit it. I always loved when Conrad would take me out here when we were younger. He learned his own love for the spot form his mother, a love that was passed down from child to child like an everlasting passion.

It was quiet, the water and the air drowning out any background noise. Sometimes if you were lucky, young children would play in the background. Laughter would fill the area. Maybe an old couple would barbecue outside. You could people watch. It was all so serene. Not enough to block out the creaks of approaching footsteps. How the boards groaned under the heavy steps getting closer.

My nose was red, I scrunched it in the cold. I sighed heavily, releasing any tension.

“This has always kind of been our spot, huh.” His voice was much deeper than I recalled it. Much more gravely, raspy than before. He was referring to Susannah and how it started, the first discussions that made us realize we were closer than all the others. We were certainly best friends. It was funny how even though it was her funeral that ultimately led to our breakage that she was a reoccurring theme in our lives. I nodded.

Silence took over us, a gap left between our bodies. I felt the urge to stay in place fighting the one to leave. I swallowed hard, looking over my shoulder and backing away slowly. My feet found the floor behind me, and unlike I had when the incident occurred, I was steady and able to begin my escape.

“Y/n, wait.” Conrad spoke softly. His voice wasn’t demanding, almost like he was begging. His eyes begged more than his voice. He pleaded for me to stay. I turned my head to him, stopping short and turning to face him. I watched as his frame began to tower over mine the closer and closer we got. He left a sizable gap between us still, out of respect for me.

Looking up at him, my eyes reflected the stars, wide and expecting. I waited patiently while his tongue licked around his mouth, his breathing heavier and heavier by the minute. He looked like he might burst.

“Y/n, you’re my best friend.” The words stung to hear even now. Even when I should’ve been relieved to know that he still considered me to be at the top of his list. My own heartache held me back. I could only nod.

“I know.” I could feel the lump in my throat form. How it hurt to not cry. How my eyebrows felt heavy and my nose became sore, not from the cold anymore.

He breathed out harshly, watching as I tried to make my escape again. His hand was harsh on my hand, pulling me back to where I was. I hadn’t even gotten the chance to turn away yet but he knew my intentions just as well as I did.

“You’re my best friend and it kills me to not be able to have you in my life anymore. I miss what we had, what we were. Everything was going great and then…what happened to us, Y/n?” I wish I could’ve answered him, but we both knew what led us here.

“I don’t have to defend my feelings to you.” My lip quivered, feeling a fight rising between us. We never used to fight. Now looking back on it, our last two interactions had only been fights. How quickly things can change.

Ripping my hand from his grasp I turned and made my quick escape down the dock. Walking as quick as my feet would carry me until my feet felt the grass beneath the soles of my shoes. I heard Conrad’s own steps connecting with the flooring just as harshly as mine had. The yank on my wrist was no as gentle as the first time around. His grip was harsh, tight. He made sure there was no escape.

“What is wrong with you?” His voice was raised but he wasn’t shouting. He rarely shouted at me. He always said he loved me too much to be mad at me.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me?” My eyes rolled and my chest heaved, I felt myself getting hotter, cheeks redder.

“Susannah’s dead. She fucking died and everyone was hurting. You were hurting, I was hurting! You treated me like a last resort! Like, now that you lost someone important to you—you needed someone to fill the void! Made me feel easy, like an idiot! Trying to kiss me like it didn’t change anything—like it didn’t mean anything! It ruined everything Conrad! You decided that because you couldn’t have your ego bruised by being openly emotional, you just had to keep pushing people away! You used me! ” I threw my free hand up. I was crying. I felt stupid for crying, I shouldn’t be crying over him.

“I didn’t do that! No, Y/n you were never a last resort. I thought…I thought it would help! I didn’t think it would hurt you that badly. God, why did it have to hurt us so badly?” He shouted it at the sky. A fog now hugging the trees in the distance. A rainstorm coming in by morning. Clear sky’s would soon turn dark and murky. It felt fitting.

I felt rage. Pure rage. How blind he was to why I was hurting. I had pointed him in every direction, given him hints and yet he was always the one who even with their smart eyes and quick attention, could never truly figure out what I held for him. It all bubbles out like a sickness. A burning vomit that was nothing more than a dry heave. It hurt to get out, but the relief afterwards was worth it

“Because I love you, you idiot!” My voice was loud, deafening in the heavy silence that now hung between us, “I love you, okay?” I was more quiet the second time, seeing Conrad’s big eyes and shocked expression. How his hand loosened on my wrist, I prepared for the worst. The long awaited rejection that would forever break me, tear away the last pieces of the Fisher brothers from my life all together. Our past only to be held in old Polaroids and my moms photo book.

“And I’ve known it since that day in the pier. You bought me ice cream and I realized nobodies ever cared for me like that before. It felt so good to be know so well. It felt ducking amazing to have someone like that. I cared so much about you, I’m afraid I always will. Even now I can’t shake it.” I went on and on, confessing how I felt, when I realized what always been there. I felt his touch leave me completely. It felt cold to be so alone. My tears were salty when they landed on my lips, I wonder if Conrad could taste them.

His hands were warm on my cheeks, palms pressing into my jawline so hard that the simple touch felt that much more intense. His eyes were shut, I noticed. So I closed mine too, allowing myself to give into the boy in front of me. His chest pressed against mine, we were so close, air was almost impossible to find. I could only breathe in him, everything was Conrad. I could feel him everywhere. My nose, my eyes, my ears, my fingertips. His lips molded against my perfectly, slotting themselves into place and setting off jolts of electricity in my veins. It was slow and passionate, everything I had ever dreamed it to be. Wished for. He was gentle and rough, fearful to hurt me, as if I would shatter under his touch, but the pure desire to show me he felt the same was too great to dull down his actions.

We separated with a gasp. Heaving at the lack of air, both breathless form how long it lasted and how much build up had led us here. How badly we desired it. His forehead rested against mine softly, hands sliding down to settle on my waist. He was a lot softer now, more gentle, kinder. Like now that everything had been said wordlessly, he could finally relax by having me in his hold.

Our eyelashes fluttered against the others cheeks, a soft laughter passing between us. Our smiles were b, it felt more like a scar than a scab now. To have some reassurance that he didn’t go after me because I was easy in his eyes. But because he felt the same.

“It was the day at the beach. We got sunburnt badly and you took care of me all night.” I kissed his cheek while he spoke, holding onto him just a moment longer, “You said you realized your feelings the day at the boardwalk. I found mine while you were rubbing aloe on my back.” We laughter again at the almost stupid memory. How we had both realized what we felt at rehab seemed like the most insignificant parts of our relationship. Not when Conrad had taken me to my first party and danced with me all night, not when I stayed up all night with him and held him close just for the hell of it, but when we were children.

We had been so blind to it our whole lives it was almost a tragedy. How much wasted time we had in our lives. It was something we would never get back. Something so precious, something we all had so little of. It was too late to rewrite our history. We could only hope to fix what was broke. And in the silent of the night, Conrad began the mending with the soft whisper of three simple words. Ones that came out in almost a mumble, they only reached my ears.

“I love you.” I never truly believed Conrad when he would joke how distance makes the heart grow fonder, but after what felt like a lifetime apart, it felt like the most honest statement to be made.

Conrad Fisher was mine and I was his. After all of our damaged fights and flaws, we’d found each other again. Being pulled together again by that invisible string. Sticking like glue. My heart swelled knowing he would be mine in the morning.

I will forever cling onto everything I feared, but I will feel at peace with my own inquiries while now that we are half-awake, intimate in how we hold each other. Finally, the grief subsided and I am at peace. I am myself again, he is himself with me.

I know myself better than I have in years.

[hbowarbabes]

Living to See Another Day Pt. 4

John "Bucky" Egan x Reader

Summary: Bucky and Y/n are found unconscious in the middle of a forest. They are taken by two German officers, both getting separated upon arrival at the transit camp. Now being in front of an all-too-relaxed interrogator, Bucky is unsure of where he’ll go, or if he and Y/n will be reunited again.

Warnings: Violence, and overall disturbing topics based in episode 6 of mota

Words: 3.9k

Previous

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As Bucky and Y/n lay bruised and unconscious in the middle of the dense forest, the sounds of leaves rustling and wind blowing were the only things to break the silence. They remained there for what had to be longer than an hour since it was still daylight.

Suddenly, the tranquility of the forest was shattered by the aggressive shouts of two German officers.

Y/n's eyes snapped open, her heart pounding in her chest as she tried to make sense of what was happening. Her muscles ached badly, and she couldn’t find the strength within herself to stand up.

Before she could turn her head and see who was there, she felt the cold metal tip of a rifle poking her in the back, causing her whole body to tensen up.

With a jolt, Bucky was kicked over onto his back by one of the officers, his eyes fluttering open groggily. The other officer kept a pistol pointed directly at Y/n's head, the threat of violence looming heavily in the air. Y/n's heart raced as she tried to process the gravity of their situation. They were caught once again with no way out.

Bucky struggled to sit up, his head spinning from the impact of being beaten back in the town.

His eyes locked onto Y/n's, a silent fear lingering in them. Both of them knew that much worse things would be awaiting them.

The officers barked orders in German, their harsh tones sending a surge of panic within Y/n.

Left with no choice, Y/n and Bucky stood up, following the officers to wherever they would be taken.

• • •

Faces still covered in blood and bruises, Y/n and Bucky now sat in the backseat of a car. Next to Y/n, one of the guards sat, staring at her with a threatening glare.

The two of them sat in silence, their hands bound to their side’s as they were being escorted to an unknown destination by two German officers. 

The trees blurred past the windows of the car as it sped down the dirt road, the sound of the engine drowning out any chance of conversation between anyone in the vehicle.

Y/n's mind wandered to their close call with death in that city. She remembered the way Bucky had tried keeping her from getting harmed. The image of him getting beat and the other men being slaughtered wouldn’t leave her mind.

The last thing she remembered was rushing to Bucky’s side before she was knocked out.

In the forest, where they had never felt more vulnerable, they stuck together. Y/n was beginning to feel hopeful about the situation between her and Bucky.

Now, sitting side by side in the back of the car, Y/n couldn't help but feel a sense of regret. If only they had talked, she thought. If only they had put their feelings aside and just forgave each other.

But now it was too late. They were going to some place they didn’t know, with their fate still in question. The idea of ever getting back to England seemed so distant now. 

Bucky sat with his jaw clenched, his eyes fixed on the road ahead. He too had recalled that moment in the forest when he and Y/n had come so close to being together. And now, all it would become was a memory. One they might never have the opportunity to build on.

If he were able to speak, he would’ve said so much to Y/n. He would’ve held her and kissed her and told her that everything would be ok. But what good would lying do for them?

For now, it was best that they be realistic and not break any rules. From there and beyond, they had no rights. They had no freedom.

• • •

Dulag Luft Prisoner of War Transit Camp,

Frankfurt, Germany

Y/n sat alone in the cold, dark room. She could hear nothing but the sound of her own breathing, the silence weighing heavily on her. She missed Bucky desperately and wished she could see his face again. Even if he was only a room away, it still felt like he was too far for Y/n.

The room was small and cramped, with only a tiny window high up on the wall letting in a sliver of dim light. Y/n shivered, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. She could see her breath in the chill air, a stark reminder of just how isolated and helpless she felt.

She had been separated from Bucky when they were being led down the halls of the transit camp. Bucky shot her a subtle grin. It was a genuine one.

“I love you, Y/n!” He shouted as the two were being led into different parts of the dimly-lit hall.

“John-” The guard aggressively yanked Y/n’s arm away from Bucky as she tried to reach for him, causing her to be slammed against the wall.

It didn’t matter; woman or not, they were still going to treat her as a prisoner.

Bucky tried to help Y/n, but he too was held back, pushed against the ground by the guard.

“Macht schnell!” “Hurry up!” The guard shouted at Y/n, forcing her to continue as if Bucky wasn’t just thrown to the ground.

The last time she saw him, he was being dragged away to a room right across from hers by the aggressive guard. It helped ease Y/n nerves, knowing he wasn’t far. But not for long.

Now, all she could do was wait. Wait for the uncertainty of what would happen next, wait for any sign of hope that she would see Bucky again. But the minutes stretched on endlessly, each one blending into the next in a monotonous haze of despair.

Y/n tried to keep herself busy, pacing back and forth in the small room. She counted the seconds, the minutes, the hours, trying to stave off the gnawing feeling of fear and loneliness that threatened to consume her.

She felt like she was going crazy even though she had only stayed in that room for what would be longer than an hour. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that settled in the pit of her stomach.

She longed for Bucky's strong arms around her, for his reassuring presence to chase away the darkness that clung to her like a shroud.

Y/n eventually gave up trying to convince herself that she’d see him again, and fell back in the weak seat behind her, leaning her head against the cold wall. She still felt the pain in her head, but it had felt a little less sore as she started to get used to it. The feeling of pain.

• • •

“Major Egan, come in.” 

Bucky was pushed into the room where his interrogator sat, sounding extremely calm given the situation. It had to be an act. Bucky could feel that this man’s intentions were far from genuine.

Taking a quick glance behind him, Bucky watched as the officers who had dragged him into that room slammed the door shut.

“I am your interrogator, Lieutenant Hausmann. Please, sit.” The interrogator’s eyes motioned to the empty chair in front of his desk.

Just as Bucky got settled in the chair, Hausman stood up.

“Can I pour you a whiskey?”

His eyes went wide in confusion. “How could this man be acting so nice?” He wondered. Either way, Bucky went along with it. It wasn’t like he had an option.

“Thanks.” Bucky commented dryly, a feeling of unease settling within him.

As he looked up at the wall in front of him, he noticed the picture of Hitler sitting neatly on the wall. How one man could cause so much damage was beyond Bucky’s understanding.

Hausmann brought two glasses, both filled barely halfway. Handing the glass to Bucky, the interrogator held a grin that was almost intimidating. Something felt off, but Bucky just couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Here’s, uh, mud in your eye.” Bucky made the toast to himself before consuming the much needed drink.

The liquid burned his throat, but he welcomed the warmth spreading through his body. He didn’t know how much he missed it up until now.

Hausmann, still with his glass in his hand, watched as Bucky downed his drink.  Hausmann simply grinned, his mouth wrinkling at the corners. His other features remained still, almost as if he wasn’t even real.

“I don’t know that one.”

Breaking out of his motionless manner, he held his glass up.

“Here’s mud in your eye.”

After having a taste of the whiskey, Hausmann slowly set his glass down on the table, then bringing his attention to the pile of papers on his desk. He grabbed the thin file on top, centering it as he scanned the writing on the file.

“So . . .where shall we begin?”

“How about I was in a town and, um, someone shot four of the guys with me.” Bucky spoke in a gruff voice, his head hanging low as he avoided eye contact with the interrogator.

“Oh, my God. What town?” Hausmann put on the concerned act, still keeping his face stern and still.

“Rüssheim, something. I don’t know-”

“Rüsselsheim.” The interrogator cut in, already familiar with the city Bucky was referring to.

“That’s tragic. I will add it to the report.” There was no sincerity in Hausmann’s tone or his demeanor. He reached for a pen and some paper.

“Your colleagues, the ones who were killed, if you give me their names and rank, I can pass it on to-”

“I don’t know their names. We just happened to be put together.” Bucky was growing more suspicious of Hausmann’s tactics.

“Look, I appreciate the drink and, um, would really appreciate a thicker blanket, but as far as what you’re gonna get from me, it’s gonna be name, rank, and serial-”

“And serial number. Yours is O-399510. Yes, I already know that.” A smug grin was plastered across Hausmann’s face as Bucky’s head shot up.

“I also know you were born in Manitowoc, Wisconsin.”

Hausmann began flipping through the pages in the file and reading off whatever information was stated in Bucky’s file. That did not sit well with Bucky. 

“Married?”

Bucky remained silent, his jaw clenching at the fear that this man might try to do something to Y/n if he even thought to mention her. But there was no need to think about it.

“From what I hear, you’ve been accompanied by your partner, Y/n y/l/n, yes?”

The sound of her name nearly brought Bucky inches from grabbing the interrogator by the throat. He had to remain calm. Not just for himself, but for Y/n. He didn’t want them to hurt her, or worse- kill her.

“We spoke. She’s. . . different from the many pilots I have encountered. Not the most cooperative.”

On the inside, Bucky prayed that Y/n didn’t sign her death wish during her interrogation. But he also wanted to laugh at the thought of Y/n arguing with Hausmann. She always had a rebellious streak in her since Bucky had known her.

“Female pilots are not common these days. She must have a lot to bring to the table, even with an attitude like hers.” As the interrogator chuckled in a mocking manner, Bucky could feel his fists clenching up.

Hausmann continued to the next page of the file, repeating all information put down.

“Squadron, 418th. Group, the 100th Bomber Group. H for Heavy. Headquartered at Thorpe Abbotts.”

Bucky couldn’t stand Hausmann’s scheming approach. Not knowing what to hear next, he watched as the interrogator continuously flipped through pages, eventually coming to a pause.

Hausmann brought his eyes away from the file and on to Bucky, holding the same devious grin that he had been putting on the whole time they had talked.

“Are you a baseball fan, Major?”

Bucky kept his stoic expression, not allowing his eyes to meet Hausmann’s.

“Certainly that’s not a national secret.”

Hausmann reached for a carton of cigarettes laying next to his empty whiskey glass as he smirked deceitfully.

“Cigarette?”

He held the open carton out in front of Bucky, urging him to take one for himself. Unsuspecting, Bucky took a cigarette.

As he brought the cigarette to his lips, Hausmann stood up from his chair, taking out a lighter. Bucky leaned forward, allowing the interrogator to light his cigarette.

“Sorry they are not as good as your American brands. Lucky Strike is my personal preference.” Hausmann sat back down, still keeping his eyes glued on Bucky as he took a puff of his cigarette.

“Baseball is still a bit of a mystery to me,” The interrogator was quick to change the subject.

“With all the sticks and bases, running in circles. Hausmann’s eyebrows shot up as he shook his head.

“There was the big championship last week, wasn’t there?”

“Yeah, the World Series.” Bucky didn’t sound eager to discuss the topic of sports. This wasn’t something he would really consider an interrogation. There were just a plethora of topics, along with some pieces of personal information being brought up. Nothing more. But what was it that this man really wanted to know?

“Yes, the World Series,” Hausmann nodded to himself, laughing dryly. “The New York Yankees versus the St. Louis Cardinals. A rematch, yes?”

“We were up two games to one when I went down.”

“So you are a Yankees fan?” He watched Bucky with a wicked grin.

“Would you like to know the outcome of the World Series?”

Bucky's eyes narrowed slightly, a look of annoyance visible on his face. He knew that Hausmann was fishing for information, trying to break him down with small talk and false camaraderie.

“Was Buck Cleven a Yankees fan?”

Bucky’s breathing began to quicken as he grew more angered by the mention of his best friend. How did they know every little detail of his life? Was there anything they didn’t know?

“No? Yes?”

Silence.

“I hear he was quite a flyer.”

Extending his arm across the desk, Hausmann grabbed a newspaper, revealing the newspaper under it with the headline “Eighth air force smashed Bremen.” Bucky recognized it instantly. That was the last mission Buck had went on when he went missing.

“I read of his exploits in the Regensburg attack. He was your friend, wasn’t he?”

The interrogator’s eyes skimmed over the newspaper, and moved back to the pilot who had now had all the little aspects of his life exposed. Grinning strongly on one side of his mouth, Hausmann’s eyes burned into the front of Bucky’s head.

 Bucky met Hausmann's gaze, a sense of rage building up against him.

“It seems we’re shooting down all the good pilots.”

Not wanting to hear the interrogator’s comments, Bucky started fiddling with his cigarette.

“Did you know that on your Münster attack, only one of your planes returned?” Hausmann brought about the news with little sympathy in his voice.

He stuck his index finger up, subtly grinning.

“One.”

Bucky was in disbelief. Out of 17 aircrafts and one made it? He only wondered who the sole survivors were. They got lucky. Much luckier than him, at least.

“But back to you, Major Egan.” Scanning the page on his file, Hausmann’s grin quickly faded.

“I regret to inform you that you are, as you say, in a bit of a pickle.”

Bucky knew what he was here for. For news of going back to England or far from Germany would be near impossible. Whatever news he would get would be a punishment nonetheless.

“We know you were originally apprehended near Ostbevern . . .but we don’t have you in any record as a crew member on any of the planes from the Münster attack. The Gestapo would say that makes you a spy.”

“They would be mistaken.” Bucky denied everything. The words coming out of his mouth were nothing but the truth.

“One thing I can tell you, Major, the Gestapo is never mistaken.” Hausmann smirked proudly as Bucky looked him dead in the eyes, no longer wanting to hear him and his good-guy act.

“So, I need verification of your group, your squadron, and your plane so that I can confirm to them that you are indeed what you say you are.”

Bucky took a puff of his cigarette, inhaling deeply.

“John Egan. Major. O-399510.” He repeated the information once more. Hausmann inhaled sharply, his demeanor going from calm and contained all to irritated.

“Major. . . may I say that you’re not doing yourself any favors?”

Once again, silence.

“The Gestapo, they are different than me. Me. I’m like you: A flyer, a man of honor. And I can understand things in a way that perhaps my colleagues from the highly indoctrinated security forces might not.”

Bucky was having none of it.

“I’d like to talk to you about Buck Cleven, John. . . but I’d like you to talk to me as well. The number of replacement B-17s expected at Thorpe Abbotts next week, for example.”

“John Egan. Major. O-399510.” Bucky swallowed thickly as he had refused to give up any information that could be useful to them.

The room fell silent as the interrogator's mask of tranquility slipped away, revealing the cold, calculating man beneath. Hausmann's eyes narrowed as he realized that Bucky was not going to give in, and that no amount of threats or promises could force the information out of him.

“I see.”

• • •

Y/n quickly shot up from the cold bench of her room as officers burst in, shouting in an aggressive manner. An officer grabbed her by the shoulder and pushed her out into the hall, along with many other airmen.

As she walked down the hall, she watched as airmen were thrown out of their rooms, almost hitting the ground as they were shoved out.

Y/n felt someone stumble into her, almost knocking her to the ground. Turning her head, she saw the one face she thought she might never see again. It was Bucky.

Bucky grabbed Y/n’s hand without hesitation, pressing a kiss to her head as they continued to move out.

“Hey, careful- my head still hurts.” Y/n chuckled dryly, bringing her hand to her temple.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay, John,” Y/n wrapped her hand around Bucky’s wrist, her eyes glimmering as she looked into his. “It’s gonna be okay-”

She was cut off instantly as officers pushed and shouted at the two, forcing them to move out of the building.

• • •

At the rail yard, men jumped into the train one by one. All of them were kept in a tight formation, an unorganized line of people bumping into one another every second.

Y/n continued to hold onto Bucky’s hand, trying not to get lost among the many men who would be riding with them. The two had to stick together.

As Bucky was pushed up onto the train by an officer, he immediately extended his hand to Y/n, helping her up onto the train, where the floor was covered in filth and was slippery enough for one to fall.

Bucky continued to help the other men onto the train, helping to speed up the process as many had struggled to get on by themselves, many of those individuals being injured.

The officers kept pushing men closer to the train, shouting at their faces in words none of them could understand.

The loud echo of another train across the way caught everyone’s attention. As they all turned their heads, the desperate screams and cries began to fill the air.

Bucky and Y/n watched in horror as the people in the crammed boxcar seemed to be crying for help, all of them reaching their arms out through the slats.

Even as the boxcar passed, none of the men getting on the train could shake the image out of their heads. They had never seen anything like this before.

“In! Now! In! In!” An officer shouted at the remaining men on the ground to keep going. Bucky got back to helping the last of the men who hadn’t gotten on the train.

Just then, one man tried to make a run from the train, but was immediately shot by an officer before he could get far enough away. Many bullets were shot at the man, causing him to die instantly.

Everyone on the train watched in shock as they witnessed the killing of the innocent man, whose life ended within seconds.

The officer continued to shout as if nothing had happened.

As the last of the men were being helped onto the train, one officer started to shout at Bucky and point his finger in his face. Bucky shot the man a dirty look as he knew he had done nothing wrong.

An officer walked towards the train, the dead man who had been shot hanging over his back. He aggressively dropped the man onto the filthy train floor, leaving him with everyone else.

Y/n looked at the dead man on the ground as the officer slid the door of the train shut, leaving the inside of the train dark.

Now they would be going to their destination with a bunch of men and a dead body for god only knew how long.

• • •

The screeching sound of the train brakes filled the air as Bucky and Y/n arrived at their destination, which would most likely be their final.

After hours of being in the train with no light and no fresh air, the door slid open. Bright lights shone in their faces, almost blinding them.

They were immediately welcomed by the aggressive barking of two German shepherds, along with long lines of angry officers, all shouting at them.

One by one, they each jumped out of the train.

Bucky went before Y/n, and she jumped out after him, keeping a close distance to him as they couldn’t hold hands out in the open where their every move could be seen.

• • •

Luftwaffe-Controlled Stalag Luft III,

Sagan, Germany

October 17, 1943

Exhausted and weak, the POWS were reaching their destination. They had walked for hours. To Y/n, it all felt like a fever dream. She couldn’t imagine herself doing this. It was only months ago that she was living a carefree life in the states.

Two officers quickly opened the gates, revealing the many men already there. As they walked through the gates of the camp, the POWs who were already there began to line up against the wired fences to catch a glimpse of the new arrivals.

The camp was surrounded by high wired fences, with guard towers looming over them ominously.

Y/n caught up with Bucky, now standing next to him as they both searched for any familiar faces.

It was instant when Bucky had recognized one of the men.

“Johnny! John! Y/n!”

“Egan! Y/l/n!” They heard their names, but couldn’t see their faces.

“Hey, Johnny! Y/n!”

Y/n and Bucky continued to hear their names being shouted, still not knowing who was calling them. But knowing that someone recognized them left Y/n relieved. 

“Bucky! Y/n! Over here!”

Just then, they both caught sight of their old crew members, all shouting and waving at them, full of excitement. Y/n thought they had all disappeared. But she felt better knowing they were all alive, and together.

“Crank!” Bucky shouted, his face lighting up.

“You made it!”

“Murph! Glen!” 

Bucky happily shouted the names of his crew members, whom were standing together.

“Hey! Any of you know if Buck made it?” Bucky asked urgently, scanning the faces of his crew, hoping one of them had some information about his friend.

“What?” Crank shouted, unable to hear him.

“I said Buck-” 

Before he could ask again, a familiar voice called out to him.

 "John Egan! Your two o’clock."

Bucky's heart skipped a beat as he saw Buck standing on the other side of the wire fence. Relief flooded through him as he and Y/n passed by the person that had been presumed missing. He was alive.

“What took you two so long?” Buck grinned from ear to ear.

This had been the one of many times that Y/n saw Bucky smile. She missed seeing that smile so much.

“Welcome to Stalag Luft III, boys,” A man standing behind the fence shouted.

Being led by the officers into the camp, no one could speak to their friends and old crew. Everyone’s smiles faded instantly as the reality of their situation sunk in. They were officially prisoners of war.

[weepingstars07]

Death Watch Jango and Sith Concubine Obi Wan Au

Also known as another au i can’t be bothered writing but would love to read

So instead of Jango being found by Jaster, Death Watch manage to catch up to him while the True Mandalorians go in guns blazing and rescue Arla.

Jango and Arla are kind of role swapped with Jango as Tor’s adoptive son, favourite assassin and all round punching bag.

Arla on the other hand is adopted by Jaster and believes her little brother burnt to death in the fields of their own family farm. This and the murder of her parents leads to serious anger issues that lead on to a level of violence that puts her slightly at odds with the true Mandalorians. This isn’t to say they hate each other though, she still considers Jaster her father and jaster consider her his daughter. Arla does eventually end up splitting ways with them going off to find her own way in the galaxy.

This world’s Obi wan never escaped Bandomeer and ended up sold further into slavery until Darth Plagueis finds and buys him for Sheev ( i dont think the timeline works out but oh well, wibbly wobbly timey wimey).

Plagueis predicts that Palpatine and Obi wan will be the Chosen one’s parents. (The force actually meant parental figures but sith have never been very good listeners). Obi Wan as a stewjoni is able to get pregnant but has only had miscarriages and still births much to Palpatine’s endless frustration. Eventually he decides Plagueis must have been mocking him and this is only reinforced when he finds a small slave boy named Anakin with the force presence of twin suns. He decides this boy must be the true chosen one and makes him his apprentice. He does not realise how close his concubine and Apprentice become other the years until it’s too late. Anakin does still consider Palpatine a fatherly figure to him but in an an even more twisted way than canon while Obi wan is still his BrotherDad figure.

Obi Wan and Jango meet when they’re both about 18 or 19, after Tor teams up with Palpatine (or more accurately gets himself manipulated into becoming Palpatine’s puppet). Obi wan is used by Palpatine to keep any eye on his Mandalore project which is quite frustrating to him as it means being seperated from anakin.

The boys end up forming a strange sort of bond when realising how badly treated the other his. Its not until Jango is handed the prototype for a clone army made in his image under sith/mandalorian control that he decides enough is enough. In the dead of night he steals the prototype, who he names Boba, from the Kaminoan labs and knocks Obi Wan out and steals him too.

Jango decides that he’s going to stop the cloning project before he has an army of enslaved ade on his hands, maybe kill Tor and then run off into the sunset with Obi Wan and their new child.

Obi Wan’s reaction is along the lines of ‘wtf, your going to get us both killed’ but as the concept of freedom comes closer and closer he agrees on the condition they figure out how to steal Anakin too, difficult because Obi Wan doesn’t actually know what facility they are usually held in.

With a plan now prepared the two set out to conquer evil and live out their happy ever after on some tropical paradise far away from the mandalorians or Sith.

However they what they don’t realise is that be some will of the force the first planet they land on they accidentally bump into a Jedi shadow. Maybe its Tholme or Feemor or someone completely unknown but they are pretty quick to notice Obi Wan looks a lot like the Initiate that disappeared a few year ago become of Yoda’s (however well intended) meddling. This sparks a Jedi manhunt to find this lost soul who they believe has been enslaved by a Mandalorian.

Jaster and the True Mandalorians are running around the galaxy trying to get more info on this army that Tor is apparently building. Arla is reunited with them and agrees to help out.

And …. Thats all I’ve got for now.

[bwabys-scenarios]

Reunited

Part 34

Illumi x Reader x Feitan(+Kurapika)

part 33

part 35

warnings: suggestive content

A/N: Kurapika is getting lucky next chapter 🫶

taglist: @tsukilover11 @mercyboluthecrazychicken @sxyriii @shidoni-san @living4tomrua @lemonslut @honeylunalove @sugarrushdaydream @canthebest1 @whorermoviestar @fabitheraven @ashdownunderscorebeloved @astresoleil @ranzxki @smuttysammie22 @yandere-enthusiast @lostsomewhereinthegarden @sketchy-owl @bekahtaylorgriggs @zanzie

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(Name) stepped out of her shower feeling relieved in more ways than one. She’d orgasmed a few times before she was finally satisfied.

“Hmm…”

She sat with a towel wrapped around her on her bed, thinking about what to wear to her dinner date with Illumi. Her eyes landed on the lilac dress she’d bought when she’d gone shopping with Feitan.

“This should do…”

She stood up and placed the dress on her bed before stepping out into the living room to grab her purse. She’d retire her backpack for the night and take the small white purse for a more classy look.

Her towel slipped from her body, falling to the floor. Because she was alone, (Name) didn’t bother to cover herself, and just bent down to pick the towel up.

“With those heels, I might just have an outfit!”

He excitedly ran back to her room and pulled on a pair of her new lacy white panties. Feitan had picked them out for her, even if he’d had his face turned away while he did.

‘I wonder if they would like these…’

(Name) shook the thought from her head. She shouldn’t imagine the men in her life fawning over her underwear choice.

(Name) pulled her dress on, forgetting that it needed to be zipped up.

“Shit… maybe I can ask Illumi when he gets here?”

She continued getting ready. (Name) styled her hair, applied her makeup, and finished by spraying on her favorite perfume.

Knock knock knock!

(Name) set her bottle of perfume down and held her dress to her chest as she ran to the door.

She opened it to see Illumi standing on the other side, smiling down at her.

“Hello, (Name).”

His dark eyes took in her appearance hungrily, his hands twitching at his sides. He hadn’t seen her in so long, and he was aching to touch her.

“Illumi! Come in!”

She pulled the door open and gestured for him to walk in with a friendly smile. Illumi did as told, peeking at her from the corner of his eye to see her dress was unzipped in the back.

“Your dress?”

(Name) sighed. “I was actually just about to ask you to zip me up.”

He didn’t respond, instead grabbing her shoulders and turning her so her back was facing him.

Illumi looked down the expanse of her bare back, biting his lip. She was gorgeous, and this dress showed off all of her curves perfectly.

“Of course.”

He moved the zipper up her back, pausing only to give her one final look before pulling it the rest of the way.

“There.”

She turned around, looking up at him through her eyelashes. He hesitantly pushed a piece of hair out of her face, his touch gentle. “You look lovely.”

She looked away, flustered, warmth spreading through her cheeks.

“Thank you, Illumi.”

He stared down at her for a moment. Illumi had struggled to stay away from her these past past few months. Just being in her presence right now had his heart threatening to burst out of his chest.

“We should go. I’ve made reservations for dinner.”

Illumi took her hand and led her out the door, to a car parked outside. It was nice, nicer than any car she’d ever seen.

He opened the passenger door for her and closed it behind her before sliding into the drivers seat.

“Where’s the restaurant?”

Illumi pushed his hair back, glancing at her from his seat. “A few minutes away.”

She just nodded and stared out the window as he drove.

—————

Illumi pulled into the parking lot of a seemingly fancy restaurant, escorting (Name) to the door.

“After you, dear.”

(Name) walked through the door he held open with a smile, looking around with a gasp.

The restaurant wasn’t huge, only consisting of maybe 10 tables, but it was gorgeous. The walls almost seemed to glow red and yellow, creating enough light to see, but being dark enough for each table to have privacy.

A waiter appeared at their side, smiling. “Master Illumi, welcome. Your table is right this way.”

The man led them away from the front of the restaurant, opening a door to a private dining room. (Name) held onto Illumi’s arm as they walked.

“I’ll be right back with your drinks. Please, have seat and relax.”

The waiter left, closing the door behind them.

(Name) sat down, Illumi taking the seat across her. She played with her napkin.

“So… we should talk about… things.”

Illumi knew that she wanted to talk about what had happened, but he was still a little nervous. He had some things he wanted to tell her, and didn’t know how she’d react.

“Yes, we should. Let’s wait until our drinks arrive and we’ve ordered food.”

(Name) nodded. “Alright, that’s fair.”

The two chatted idly, (Name) doing most of the talking. Honestly, he was just happy to be near her again, and could listen to her talk for ages.

“I got to meet up with my friends too! Oh, I missed them so much and I even-“

She paused. It was probably for the best if she didn’t mention she’d been confessed to. And kissed. More than once.

“Hmm? You even what?”

Illumi tilted his head. “Oh, um… I even got to see Killua!”

This seemed to distract him from the fact she was holding back some other information. “Really? How is he?”

(Name) sighed. “He’s fine.”

The waiter walked in carrying their drinks, smiling. “Here you are! Are you ready to order?”

The two ordered their food, the waiter leaving shortly after.

Illumi looked like he wanted to say something, so (Name) stayed quiet.

“I…”

He took her hands in his, looking into her eyes. “I wanted to… apologize for what I said.”

She stayed quiet, but her eyes lit up.

“I… I never believed for one second that you only cared about money. You never have before.”

‘Never had before?’

“You’ve always been so kind and thoughtful, and never asked me for anything. Although sometimes I wish you would ask for a little…”

He trailed off, squeezing her hands lightly.

“What I’m trying to say is… I’m sorry. You did nothing to earn what I said to you, and even if you had it was still out of line. You’re important to me, and knowing I hurt your feelings…”

He grimaced, looking down at the table. (Name) squeezed his hands back.

“I see… I accept your apology Illumi. I’m really happy you didn’t actually believe in that… it’s a real weight off my shoulders.”

She sighed in relief and gave him that pretty smile of hers. “Is that all you wanted to say?”

Illumi hesitated on this. There were so many things he wanted to tell her. That she looked beautiful tonight, how he was her childhood friend and most importantly…

“I love you.”

He’d blurted this out without thinking, a mistake he didn’t make often. His cheeks turned a light pink when he realized he’d said they aloud.

Illumi searched her face for a reaction, desperate. She didn’t seem offended or upset, just… surprised, and… conflicted?

“You… love me?”

His words finally seemed to sink in, and the girl became visibly flustered. Her cheeks heated up in a blush.

“…”

Illumi leaned across the table and pulled her into a kiss. It was as gentle as he could manage, his hand on her face keeping her firmly in place.

When he pulled back, his eyes were half lidded, his tongue licking up the remnants of her strawberry flavored chapstick.

“Yes, I do. I…”

He sat back down and grabbed her hands. “I want to marry you, (Name).”

(Name) blinked and hurriedly let go of his hands. “M-marriage!? Illumi, I haven’t even been on a date with y-“

“Then let’s go on a date. I’ll take you anywhere you’d like to go.”

He pulled her hands back into his, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles gently. ‘So soft…’

“Illumi…”

She sighed and looked down. “Marriage is… a big thing. You can’t just confess your love for me and say you want to get married. I haven’t even said if I reciprocated yet.”

“You don’t have to reciprocate my feelings now. You can grow to love me after we’re married.”

He lifted her hand to kiss it, (Name) groaning. “Illumi. I haven’t even agreed to marriage yet. And yes, if I marry someone I have to love them.”

Illumi paused, his eyes boring into her. “You said you wouldn’t mind marrying me, before. Has… something changed?”

He felt something awful begin to well up in his stomach. Had she fallen for one of her friends?

“I said I wouldn’t mind, not that I would marry you or was ready for it.”

She lifted one of her hands to rub her temple. “Illumi, I’m not rejecting you, or saying I would never marry you. I just…”

Illumi’s grip tightened on her hand. “What?”

She decided not to acknowledge the tone of his voice.

“I’m not ready for that. For… any of this. I’m not even sure how I feel about you, about anyone yet.”

“Anyone?”

(Name) felt the air begin to change.

“Does that mean there is someone else?”

She looked away. “… kind of? I mean I’m not sure how I feel for them either.”

“Them? Plural?”

(Name) nodded hesitantly. Illumi would have never thought he’d have any competition for (Name)’s hand, considering he thought she was already HIS. The thought of any other man taking her from him made his skin crawl.

“…”

He bit the inside of his cheek so hard it bled, his eyes closing as he attempted to calm himself down.

‘She hasn’t rejected you, and obviously has to feel SOMETHING for you. Calm yourself before you scare her off.’

Before Illumi could think any further, (Name) stood up and approached him. “(Name)?”

She didn’t respond, only wrapping her arms around him. He quickly pulled her in closer, his nose burying itself into her hair. God, he missed having her in his arms.

“I do care for you, Illumi. A lot. Please don’t think you come second to anyone. This isn’t what this is about. I just need time to think things over, okay? Until then…”

She pulled away and pecked his lips before kissing him again, this time deepening it.

Illumi melted into her lips, his hands roaming her back. Before his fingers could reach her zipper to pull it down, there was a knock on the door.

(Name) pulled away and sat down, smiling at him.

“Be patient, okay?”

She gave him a wink before the waiter walked in with their food.

Illumi wasn’t a patient man by nature, but for her, he felt like he could wait for forever if it meant those lips would be on his again.

———————

After dinner, Illumi got a call from Hisoka and had to leave. She wasn’t sure why, but he seemed rather annoyed.

“I’m sorry, I planned on staying with you overnight, but it seems I’m needed.”

He cupped her cheek, the girl confused. “Overnight? Why?”

He tilted his head, leaning towards her from his seat in the car. “To make love to you, of course.”

(Name)’s jaw dropped. “Make- oh.”

(Name) wasn’t exactly opposed to having sex with Illumi, in fact she was quite hot and bothered after being kissed by two handsome men in one day, but she was a little surprised he’d said this out loud.

“My apologies, I’ll make it up to you later.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I have to go now. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to see you again, but it should be soon. How much longer are you staying in York New?”

(Name) sighed. “I haven’t bought my tickets home yet, so I don’t have any scheduled time to leave. I have to be out of my condo in a two days, though.”

Illumi nodded. “I see. I can pick you up and take you to the manor when you are ready. We’ll have more privacy there.”

(Name) was about to complain about not agreeing to leaving with him and the fact that they would not have any privacy in his home, but he was already parking and leaving the car to let her out.

“Goodnight, (Name).”

He gave her a final kiss. His kisses were a bit awkward and rough, but with a little guidance they were becoming softer, sweeter. His teeth nipped at her bottom lip, causing her mouth to open in a gasp and give his tongue access.

(Name) moaned into his mouth as his hands squeezed her ass. If Illumi didn’t have to leave, he would have kicked her door open and taken her on the floor if he had to.

Illumi pulled away, their tongues connected by a strand of saliva. (Name) blushed profusely at his expression. She could just feel the tension in the air, and in his hands.

“G-goodnight to you too.”

(Name) walked into her condo, pulling her dress over her head and throwing it into her closet. She was burning up, from the dress and from his kisses.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket to see Leorio had sent her a picture.

Silly<3: since you asked to see Kurapika’s disguise…

Silly<3 sent an image!

It was a picture of Kurapika dressed in his disguise, applying lipstick. It was surprisingly attractive, (Name) kicking her feet as she took on his appearance.

“He sure is pretty…”

She sighed. There were no other messages. Feitan must of been busy, and she knew the rest of her friends were as well.

She could feel her panties get wet as she remembered the past few days. Feitan calling her a good girl, Kurapika groping her, Illumi saying he was going to fuck her…

This much attention was making her head spin. She slipped her fingers into her core, whining against her pillow as she fingered herself to the thought of being fondled and touched by all these men.

It was too much, the girl whimpering and whining as she reached her high, cumming on her fingers.

‘This is so dirty…’

She stood and walked to the shower to clean the stickiness from her legs.

After her shower, (Name) lied back in her bed in just a pair of panties and her shirt, sighing softly into the plush material of her pillow.

———————

(Name) was awoken by her blanket being tugged off of her. “Wake u-“

She whimpered at the sudden coldness, pawing at where her blanket had been.

“Rest of you, out. Now.”

“But-“

“Out.”

(Name) slowly rubbed at her eyes before she opened them.

“Oh, Fei! What’s up?”

She smiled at him, arching her back as she stretched before collapsing on the bed again. He stared at her body, seemingly transfixed on her lower half…

‘Oh. I only wore panties and a shirt to bed…’

She squeaked and rushed past him to her bathroom to throw on a pair of pajama pants. Feitan watched her run, noticing the slight bounce her ass made when she did.

He didn’t even bother trying to calm his racing heart down, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from getting hard. Did she have to arch her back, making the imprint of her pussy in her strawberry panties completely visible to him?

She walked back out of her room wearing a pair of shorts that were a bit too short considering he wasn’t the only one in her condo, but Feitan wasn’t the type to tell her what she could and couldn’t wear.

She didn’t meet his eye, quickly shuffling past him and into the living room.

“Hey there, strawberries!” Shalnark waved to her, his cheeks a light pink.

(Name) gasped and her hands immediately went to her butt. “Did you…”

“Yep! We saw!”

“We!?”

She glanced around the room to see Phinks and Nobunaga sitting on her couch. They both seemed a little flustered, Phinks hiding it better than Nobunaga, who was a blushing mess.

Neither of them could look her in the eye.

“Didn’t think you’d be sleeping half naked.” Feitan said as he left her room, glad that he was wearing his cloak to hide himself.

“Well I didn’t think you’d be bursting into my room! You could have knocked or something!”

“I did. For five minutes.”

Her eyebrow twitched, and Shalnark wasn’t helping much with the way his eyes were following her ass as she walked.

“Jesus…” she walked to the kitchen and pulled out a juice box, which she sipped on while they began to talk.

“What’s the reason you’re all gathered here anyways? Didn’t know my condo was a hang out…” she’d said this jokingly, but the air grew cold all of a sudden.

“Wait, I wasn’t being serious, you’re all always welc-“

“Not that.”

Feitan looked down at the floor, clutching the fabric of his coat tightly.

She frowned. One look around the room told her that what they needed to say was serious.

“Last night…”

Feitan stepped forward, ready to bring her into his arms.

“Pakunoda died.”

(Name) stared at the short man, her eyes wide with shock. A small tremble entered her limbs, her hands slowly lifting to cover her mouth.

“No…”

Feitan pulled her close as she began to cry, openly sobbing into his shoulder. “No… not Pakunoda too…”

(Name) hadn’t known her long, but after she’d seen (Name)’s trauma, she bonded with her.

She’s promise to show Pakunoda her cats one day, even offering to let her adopt one of the kittens Tammy had.

But now she was gone. Forever.

Nobunaga stood up, walking towards the pair. He was tall and a little intimidating to the shorter girl, but she wiped away her tears and looked up to face him anyways.

“You… you cried for Uvogin and Pakunoda. And the flowers you gave us…”

He pulled one of the paper daisies from his kimono. “It’s a testament to your kindness. We wanted you to know Pakunoda had been thankful to you, for letting her see your past.”

He gave her a sad smile, something that must of been hard to do, considering two of his childhood friends had passed within the past two days.

“I… I’m so sorry. If I had been with you I could have-“

Feitan stopped her by covering her mouth with his hand. “Shh. Don’t be sorry. You there, would have gotten you killed.”

Shalnark was the next one to approach, patting her head. “We all know what comes with what we do. Every member of the group understands that death is inevitable, and that our work means it’ll come for us quicker than it would normal people. Pakunoda knew this, and accepted her fate.”

She couldn’t help the tears streaming down her face. “But… but…”

“Shh. You couldn’t have done anything to change what happened. She was killed instantly, no nen could have saved her.”

Shalnark gave her a hug if his own, rubbing soothing circles into her back. (Name) sniffled, finally drying up her tears enough to be let go and start making breakfast.

The four watched from the living room as she sniffled while mixing up scrambled eggs and flipping pancakes.

“She’s cooking breakfast?” Shalnark asked.

“Cooks when she’s stressed.” Feitan answered.

A few minutes into cooking she got a call.

‘It’s Leorio!’

“Hello?”

“(Name), we need you right now! Kurapika… he’s hurt.”

(Name) dropped her spatula to the floor, causing Feitan to look up from reading one of the books sitting on her table. “(Name)?”

“Where are you?”

Feitan walked over as (Name) wrote down an address on a piece of paper, before turning to Feitan.

“Can any of you cook?”

Shalnark poked his head up. “I can, at least breakfast foods.”

She handed him her apron and ran to her room, throwing off her shirt before she even closed the door all the way.

“Your girlfriend has so self preservation.” Phinks said, turning to Feitan with a raised eyebrow.

Feitan decided he wasn’t in the mood to correct him. “Not wrong.”

She walked out of her room wearing a pair of jogging pants and a sweater, hopping around as she attempted to pull on her other shoe and talk to someone over the the phone.

“Yes, yes I’ll be there in 15 minutes. Please tell him I’ll be there.”

She rummaged through the cabinets and grabbed a pop tart before walking towards her front door.

“(Name) what are you doing?”

She paused for a moment as Feitan grabbed her sleeve. “A friend of mine was hurt, and I need to go help him. Shalnark, sweetheart, can to finish up breakfast? You all can stay as long as you need, just-“

“I come with you.”

(Name) sighed, pulling at his hand. “Fei, that’s an awful idea. I know you all have been up to something, and it’s not a good idea to be out and about during the day.”

She leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “I’ll be back tonight. Maybe. See ya!”

She left while he was distracted by the kiss, closing the door behind her.

He couldn’t turn around and face his friends with his cheek as red as a tomato.

“Ooo, someone’s going to get lucky t-“

Feitan threw a shoe at Shalnark’s head.

—————

(Name) munched on her pop tart as she sat in the back of her cab, anxiously texting Leorio. He took a minute to respond.

Silly<3: he has a fever, everyone’s here right now.

(Name) held her backpack to her chest, hoping he’d be alright. Her heart thumped painfully against her ribs.

‘He promised he would be okay…’

The cab dropped her off in front of the small motel, (Name) jumping out and running to the entrance.

Killua and Gon were waiting for her outside. “(Name)!”

They led her to where Kurapika was resting, if you could call it that. The fever was causing him to thrash in bed and pant like an animal.

“Kurapika…”

She ignored everyone else in the room, Leorio shooing the others out of the way. She dropped down onto her knees next to him, pushing back his hair.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here sweetheart.”

Just her hand infused with nen was enough to make him relax a bit, but to save his life she’d have to go to a level two.

The entire room went quiet when she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips. Even in his sleep, it was like he knew she was there.

“(Name)..” he muttered against her lips, his body finally relaxing. She pulled away and placed a hand on his forehead, sighing in relief.

“He’ll be okay.”

A woman behind her let out a breath she’d been holding in. “Oh, thank goodness. We were terrified the fever might kill him.”

She glanced back at the woman and smiled. “Your voice… it’s so pretty…”

Her eyes fluttered closed and she fell backwards into the floor.

“(NAME)!”

She grunted, trying to pick herself up, but could barely move her limbs.

“(Name), what’s going on? Are y-“

She shook her head. “I’m fine. If I hadn’t been here… he would have died. My ability takes my stamina and gives it to whoever I kiss to help speed up their healing process. And he…”

Leorio helped her to a chair. “If he was able to zap away all your stamina…”

“Then he was near death.” Gon finished, watching over his friend with concerned eyes. The woman stepped forward with a smile.

“You care deeply for Kurapika. Differently than the others do.”

(Name) barely had the energy to be embarrassed, whimpering slightly. “Oh don’t expose me like that in front of everyone…”

‘Is it not obvious?’ Leorio thought, his eyebrow twitching.

The woman laughed. “My name is Melody, I’m a coworker of Kurapika.”

“I’m (Name), a friend.”

Killua watched this interaction with conflicted interests.

On one hand, he thought Kurapika could potentially be a much better match for (Name) than his brother. On the other, he knew that Illumi genuinely did love her, and despite their differences he did care for him.

(Name) stayed by Kurapika’s side the rest of the day, only stepping away to eat and use the bathroom. Leorio offered to watch over him when night fell, but she stayed by his side even then.

“I can’t leave him. If his fever spikes again, I want to be nearby.”

Leorio knew better than to argue, so he pulled the small couch over so she could at least rest comfortably against it as she watched over Kurapika.

He tossed and turned in his sleep, muttering something unintelligible. She took his hand and kissed each of his finger tips, sighing as his palm cupped her cheek. Even asleep, his touch was gentle and loving.

“Oh, Kurapika… my sweet boy…”

Tears welled up when she looked down at his exhausted expression. She wanted to make all of his pain go away, but her nen only worked on physical ailments, not emotional ones.

She hummed the Kurtan lullaby he’d sang to her months ago, running her hands through his blonde hair. This calmed him enough to keep him from thrashing.

(Name) woke up to the sound of her phone ringing in the middle of the night. She looked down at it groggily, rubbing her eyes.

‘Did I fall asleep?’

She answered it quickly and walked outside to talk to the person privately.

“Hello?”

“(Name), where are you? Said you’d come back tonight.”

It was Feitan, and he sounded both worried and irritated.

“I said maybe, Fei. His condition was worse than I thought, so I’ve been watching over him. I’ll need to give him more treatment when he wakes up.”

Feitan scoffed. “Can’t anyone else watch… him?”

(Name) raised an eyebrow. “Technically, yes, but I’m watching over him. He… he almost died.”

Feitan was quiet for a moment, the sound of people talking in the background making her sigh.

“Are you still at my condo?”

“Yes.”

“… is everyone else there too?”

“… yes…”

(Name) held back a giggle. “There’s a pull out couch and a few air mattresses in the storage closet. You can have my bed, the others can fight over who gets what.”

Feitan pushed his hand through his dark hair with a sigh. “You not coming, then?”

“I’m not. Sorry, Fei. I can be there tomorrow, though, promise.”

“Tomorrow… I get you dress in the morning. We have plans for tomorrow.”

“Dress? Do you even know my s-“

He only laughed, before hanging up. (Name) looked down at her phone with sleepy eyes before pocketing it and walking back inside. Killua was waiting for her by the door to Kurapika’s room.

“Who were you talking to?”

He didn’t look suspicious, just curious.

“Oh, just a friend. He seems to be jealous I’m spending so much time with Kurapika.”

She walked past Killua into Kurapika’s room, sitting beside him once more.

Killua sat down next to her and leaned his head against her shoulder. “It’s been a hard week for you, huh?” (Name) asked, wrapping her arm around him.

He didn’t answer. It felt nice to be comforted, for someone to recognize he was having a hard time. Not many people noticed when Killua was genuinely tired or upset.

“You should sleep. The auction is tomorrow, right? You’ll want to be fully rested.”

Killua nodded, but didn’t move. He was pretty tired, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up. She was warm, and safe. He just wanted to feel protected for a little bit longer.

(Name) chuckled, moving a bit. “Here, you can sleep next to me. There’s just enough room.”

She lied down and patted the bit of couch next to her. Usually, killua wouldn’t have taken her offer even if he wanted to, but tonight was different. He was anxious about the auction, about Kurapika’s condition. A little bit of comfort couldn’t hurt, right?

He crawled in next to her, the woman instantly wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close. She was warm and soft, like a mother should be. He felt his eyes get heavy. It ordinarily took Killua hours to fall asleep, but now, he was about to pass out after only a minute of being in (Name)’s arms.

“Goodnight, Killua.”

He had fallen asleep, not able to say it back. She kissed the top of his head and pulled their blanket up to his chin. (Name) worried deeply did the boy. He’d never been so clingy before, whatever had happened the past few days must of been stressful.

She continued to hum that Kurtan lullaby throughout the night, only stopping when she fell asleep herself.

——————

(Name) awoke to the smell of something delicious. She pushed herself up, realizing that Killua was gone. ‘He probably left before everyone else woke up…’

She rubbed her eyes as she felt someone sit on the couch next to her. “Good morning, (Name). Got you some breakfast.”

It was Leorio, who was handing her a box of takeout. She took it with a grateful smile.

“Thank you, my nen takes a lot out of me.”

She began eating as other people filed into the room. Melody was there, alone with a strange man she hadn’t met before.

“Did you sleep okay?” Melody asked, giving her a smile. (Name) nodded, smiling back.

“Yes, I did. Thank you for being here for Kurapika. I’m sure he appreciates you.”

The woman was taken aback by this. ‘This girl… her heart beats for the sake of other people… what a kind sound…’

(Name) turned her attention back to Kurapika, planting another kiss on his forehead. “He’s doing a lot… better.”

She nearly fell again, but Leorio was there to catch her this time. “Woah, easy there. Warn us before you start treatment, doll face.”

She giggled, pinching his cheek. “Doll face?”

“If Kurapika can call you angel, I can call you doll face!”

His cheeks turned slightly pink, a pout on his lips. She smiled pulling him in for a hug.

“That’s fine with me.”

For a moment Leorio stared down at her, his hands on her waist. If Kurapika hadn’t confessed his love for her just a day ago, maybe Leorio would allow himself to feel something more for her.

But he couldn’t. Kurapika was obviously IN love with her. It wasn’t some crush or just lust, it was love.

“Yeah, yeah.”

He pulled away and ruffled her hair. “You’re like a magnet, ya know? You’re always pulling people in.”

(Name) tilted her head, confused. “Magnet?”

He laughed. “Never mind. Go ahead and eat your breakfast. We’re going to go grocery shopping. You think you can make lunch?”

She nodded. “I’ll make some soup that Kurapika can eat when he wakes up.”

The group left, leaving (Name) with Gon, Killua, and the still asleep Kurapika.

“We’re going to get ready for the auction.”

Killua stayed quiet next to Gon, staring at her with his blue eyes. He seemed to be trying to tell her something.

“Gon, could you grab me a drink?”

“Yeah sure!”

The boy raced off, leaving the two alone. Killua stared at her for a moment more before sighing and slowly wrapping his arms around her.

‘He’s shy, that’s adorable.’

She didn’t say this out loud, only humming again while patting his back. “Thank you. For last night.”

He kept a grip on the back of her shirt, his chin resting atop her head.

“It’s nothing, really. I’ll always be here if you need me, Killua.”

He didn’t respond, his grip tightening on her shirt answer enough. Tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

They heard Gon’s footsteps coming down the hallway, causing Killua to let go and step back.

“Here you go (Name)!” He offered her a glass of lemonade, which she took.

“Thank you, ya cutie pie!”

(Name) pulled him into a hug and kissed the top of his head. “My sweet boys! I’m so proud of you both, ya know? You’ve been through so much recently yet you’re still going strong.”

The two became a bit flustered over her praise, sitting next to her while she watched over Kurapika.

They stayed by her side and chatted until they had to leave to get ready for the auction. By that time, Leorio was back with groceries.

“Hey, got what ya needed! I’ll take over watching Kurapika, so you can make lunch.”

She nodded and stood, stretching her limbs. It was around 11 am, giving her just enough time to have lunch ready by 1 pm.

(Name) began cutting up celery and onions as chicken boiled on the stove. Occasionally she’d leave the small kitchen to run up the stairs and check on Kurapika, who was still would asleep.

She dropped the noodles into the pot of chicken broth to let them boil, tearing apart the now cooled chicken into bite size pieces.

When she had finished, she placed the sautéed vegetables, chicken, and a can of cut carrots into the pot, creating chicken noodle soup.

She began making bowls for each of the people still there. One for her, one for Leorio, one for Melody, and one for Kurapika.

‘He should be waking up soon…’ she thought, carrying the bowls on a tray upstairs.

“Oh (Name), that smells delicious!”

Melody took the tray from her hands and offered (Name) her seat by Kurapika’s side. (Name) took it with a small thanks.

“Mmm, (Name)’s cooking! Haven’t had some of this since the Hunter Exam!”

Melody smiled. “Oh, you took the Hunter Exam together?”

The two nodded. “Yes! Leorio, Killua, Gon, Kurapika, and I all took the Hunter Exam together! Ahh, what simple times those were…”

She took a bite of her soup, Leorio following suit.

After a moment (Name) left to the convenience store to grab more coffee for Leorio and Melody.

——————

(Name) walked back into the motel, drinks in hand when she heard talking upstairs. She blinked, hurrying up the stairs.

‘Was that..?’

She burst into the room to see Kurapika turn his head slightly, a tired smile on his lips when he saw her.

“Angel… you’re here…”

Tears started to fall from her face as Melody grabbed the cups so (Name) could collapse next to him, crying into his chest.

“I was… I was so scared you weren’t gonna make it!”

She sniffed and cried, the blonde lifting his hand to pat her weakly.

“Shhh, I’m alright. I promised I would come back to you alive, right?”

She nodded slowly, looking up at him through her teary eyes. “Yeah… you did…”

He wiped away her tears. Kurapika stared at her lips before (Name) caught him and leaned forward, capturing his lips in a kiss.

Melody blushed and quickly turned to give them some privacy.

(Name) pulled away and smiled.

“I love you, angel. Thank you for being here… it’s more than I deserve.”

She shook her head. “You deserve the world, Kurapika. I…”

She kissed his forehead, causing the blonde to pout. “You missed.”

He pointed to his lips. (Name) rolled her eyes and gave him another kiss, making him sigh dreamily. “Is that better, sweetheart?”

His eyes started to drift closed. “Mhm… much…”

“Kurapika, would you like some-“

“He’s asleep.”

(Name) looked back at Kurapika to see he’d fallen asleep again, this time with a small smile on his lips. Leorio changed the rag on his forehead, sighing.

“You should get plenty of rest.”

(Name) clutched at the fabric of her sweater, contemplating giving Kurapika another nen infused kiss for treatment when her phone began to ring.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll be right back.”

She hurried out the door as to not wake her exhausted friend.

“Hello?”

“Got your dress. Meet me in front of auction in 15 minutes. Help you get ready.”

Click.

‘Feitan, again? How rude.’

She sighed and walked back up the Kurapika’s room.

“Hey, I’ll be leaving for a few hours at most. A friend of mine needs me for something.”

Leorio nodded. “Of course, you’ve done more than enough. You should try and rest, considering how much nen you’ve used within the past day.”

She gave a quick nod before grabbing her backpack and sitting beside Kurapika once more.

“I’ll be back, okay? And… I’ll be keeping my promise to you.”

She pressed a sweet, gentle kiss to his forehead before leaving once more.

“Promise? What do you think that means, Melody?”

The woman only shook her head, her face red. “Oh um…”

‘It means something… not very platonic.’

——————

(Name) walked into the auction hall feeling insecure in her day old jogging pants and sweater. She got some weird looks from multiple people before she felt someone grab her arm and pull her towards a private area.

“Fei!”

She smiled brightly at the man tugging her away, spotting Phinks to her left. “Shh. Draw attention to yourself, stupid girl.”

The two pulled her into an empty room, Phinks holding a black bag. “You know, when two men pull a woman into a room she can’t help but be a little frightened.”

Feitan rolled his eyes. “I never hurt you.”

‘Not on purpose, at least.’

As Phinks pulled out a long red dress, Feitan stared at the wrist he’d broken just days before. Guilt still consumed him when he thought about it for too long.

“Oh…”

(Name) held the dress in front of her, raising an eyebrow at the two. “Are you sure this will fit me?”

Feitan shrugged. “Should, Machi made it.”

“Machi?”

“Yeah, don’t tell her I told you but it’s a gift from her.”

‘Oh, she’s shy. That’s cute!’

(Name) stared at the two men, who were watching her. “Can you two… um… leave so I can change?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

The two walked out and stood guard at the door, sending glares at anyone that got too close.

A few minutes later it clicked open, (Name) stepping out in the heels that had been included.

Feitan only looked at her for a second before he shoved her back into the room and closed the door behind him.

The dress she was wearing fit, but the chest area was snug. It was a sleeveless, floor length gown with slit on the left side that went all the way up her thigh.

“…”

He stared down at her ample cleavage, causing the girl to blush. “Fei you’re… you’re staring.”

He glanced up at her through his dark eyelashes, humming. “What about it?”

She pouted and covered her chest. “Pervert.“

He grabbed her waist and pulled her in close, staring at her face. She gasped when she shoved his nose into her neck, sniffing at her.

“Smell different. Like another man.”

She pushed him back a little, flustered.. “Y-yeah, my friend is a man. I was treating him.”

Feitan did little to hide his jealousy. “Tch. Stinks, brought your perfume.”

He covered his nose and pulled away, his eyes narrowed. (Name) snickered.

“You’re acting like a jealous boyfriend, Fei. I don’t think he stinks at all, in fact he smells very nice, like warm vanilla.”

Feitan scoffed. “Like vanilla? What is he, girl?”

“No, he’s not! He’s very pretty though…”

He didn’t miss her faint smile as she thought of him. Feitan looked away, biting his lip.

‘Does she think I’m pretty..?’

It was easier for her to see all the subtle expressions on his face when he wasn’t wearing that coat.

“Oh.”

Because she’d been pulled away and shoved into a dark room to get dressed, she hadn’t had the time to take in Feitan’s appearance.

His hair was combed, and dressed in a nice suit. She hummed in appreciation. “Fei, you sure clean up nice.”

Feitan’s face reddened by her compliment, the man turning away quickly to hide it. “Shut up. Time to go.”

But he was happy she noticed the effort he put into looking a bit nicer.

He opened the door and (Name) stepped out, Phinks letting out a low whistle.

“You sure are pretty, (Name).”

The girl waved her hand and giggled. “Aww, you’re sweet Phinks.”

Feitan handed her the makeup bag Machi helped them pack and pointed her towards the women’s restroom.

‘Why did I have to change in a random room when the women’s room was right there??’

She huffed and left to do her makeup.

——————

Feitan’s breath hitched when she left. She always looked gorgeous too him, but today she was on a whole other level.

While he loved the soft pastels she usually wore, he couldn’t deny that seeing her in that deep red made him feral. Feitan offered her his arm, which she took without hesitation.

It almost felt… normal the way she held onto him. She wasn’t scared, wasn’t intimidated by his presence. It was still something he was getting used to, but it felt nice to be touched without fear.

“Fei, I didn’t know you were taking me out on a date.” she whispered into his ear. The dark haired man paused for a split second before he continued walking.

“… not a date. Job.”

Phinks rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah sure, Fei.’

(Name) only giggled and kissed his cheek, lingering for a bit before pulling away.

“Mhm.”

Feitan tried to keep his expression neutral, but it wasn’t easy. Her affectionate nature made him both nervous and incredibly happy. It was hard not to smile and give her a kiss back.

The three sat down, (Name) the closest to the stairs. She didn’t pay much attention to the auction, instead reading from a book Feitan swiped from her condo.

“(Name)!?”

(Name) didn’t even process her arm being grabbed until she was pulled into the hallway, being dragged behind someone so fast her feet didn’t touch the ground.

“Why are there here??”

“How would I know?!”

(Name) recognized those voices.

“Gon? Killua, wh-“

They stopped, (Name) having to hold her head from the whiplash. Her two young friends placed her in between them, eyeing her two… older friends that surrounded them.

“Hey, that was rude. No need to run away with our little lady.”

Killua’s grip on her arm tightened, they two boys staring at her.

“Don’t worry, you hand her over and we won’t kill you.”

(Name) blinked. “Kill? Why would you kill them, they’re my friends.”

Phinks and Feitan blinked, the four staring at each other.

The four were slowly starting to piece some things together, (Name) still holding her head. “Ugh… boys, what is going on?”

Feitan sent Killua and Gon a look, telling them they needed to stay quiet.

‘Does she not know these are the people we’ve been fighting against?’ Killua thought, pulling her a little closer. ‘Are they using her or something? No, Feitan’s aura is almost surrounding her, as if he’s protecting her…’

(Name) began to wobble away. “Listen, I gotta go throw up, don’t kill each other. That means you, Fei and Killua.”

Feitan watched as she left, barely able to keep himself from accompanying her so she didn’t fall and hurt herself.

————————

(Name) sat on the counter in the bathroom, sighing. She’d felt sick, but hadn’t thrown up. She didn’t want to think about the implications of all of her friends knowing each other and potentially being enemies. It made her head spin.

When she heard a knock on the door, she hopped off the counter and walked out. Feitan greeted her with a nod of his head.

“Your friends… lots of trouble.”

He didn’t want to know if she knew the chain user, knowing that she was still processing a lot of information from the last few days.

“… you didn’t hurt them, right?”

Feitan shook his head. “Didn’t, not worth it.”

She frowned. “Does that mean you would hurt children if it was worth it?”

He knew he messed up when he met her eyes. She was looking at him with a mix of disbelief and disgust.

“… didn’t say that. Not normal children, anyways.”

She seemed to accept his answer with a sigh. “You shouldn’t hurt any children, Fei. It’s not right.”

(Name) pulled het purse to her chest and walked towards the entrance of the Auction Hall.

“Where you going?”

“To check on a friend. I’ll be home later tonight.”

Although she accepted his answer, she still wanted to talk with Gon and Killua later to make sure they were alright. But before that, she needed to see Kurapika.

Feitan didn’t stop her, only watching her walk away with a sigh. Phinks patted his shoulder. “Smooth. You know, sweet women like her don’t take too kindly to people that hurt kids. You’ll need to be on your best behavior, Fei.”

The dark haired man pushed Phink’s hand off his shoulder. “Whatever…”

But Feitan couldn’t shake how his body shook when she looked at him like that. It terrified him to think she might see him as the monster he could be one day, instead of the Feitan she saw.

‘Her sweet Fei, is what she called me. I want to be that…’

He followed his friend back to the auction hall.

“Going to steal extra copy for her.”

“Of course you are.”

[florence-end]

Don’t touch

Lucien x fem!reader

Request: Can you please write a story where Lucien and the reader are on a mission and they are ambushed and the reader is injured, they have to hide and Lucien has to take care of her.

Warnings: Non-fatal injury to reader

Summary: You hear of Eris and his brothers’ plot to attack Lucien and Feyre as they flee the Spring Court, and know you can’t let them hurt your childhood best friend so you follow them. Reunited with Lucien and injured from the fight, you find yourselves huddled in a cave confronting new and unexpected feelings.

Was this your smartest idea? Absolutely not. You hadn’t seen Lucien in decades and even before he’d left the Autumn Court he’d been a skilled fighter so realistically your limited combat skills would not be much of an asset if it came to a fight. But you’d heard his brothers gloating about how they’d have the element of surprise when they attacked him and the Cursebreaker where they hid near the Winter Court border, and you couldn’t just do nothing. He’d been your best friend in the world until they drove him out.

So you snuck out of your parents’ house near Beron’s palace and followed the scent of the high lord’s favourite sons as they hunted for their estranged brother. It took longer than you had expected and you were woefully unprepared for the freezing weather conditions, so much so that you had lost all trace of the lordlings. You were about to give up all hope of being able to find Lucien and his friend when you heard shouting in the distance. Breaking out into a run, you arrived at the fight when it was already in full swing.

You raced across the frozen ground, throwing a shield in front of Lucien and Feyre as you went. The red head whipped his head towards you, shock written across his features.

“Run! Get to the border!” You shouted, as the Vanserras’ arrows attacked your shield from all angles, trying to find a gap.

“Y/N? What are you doing here? You can’t be here,” Lucien remained in place weapons drawn towards his brothers but his wide eyes fixed on you.

You were directly in front of him now and opted to ignore his warning. “Do you have somewhere you can go? Any other courts?” You direct your frantic questions to Feyre.

“Yes, once we get to Winter and the faebane wears off I’ll be able to send a message,” she responded warily, trying to get a read on your relationship to Lucien. His brothers continued to batter the shield you were struggling to maintain around the three of you.

“I can hold this long enough for you to cross but you need to run now,” you instructed through gritted teeth, straining with the effort.

“You have to come with us, they’ll kill you for this,” Lucien urged. Unable to speak with the effort of shielding, you shook your head and placed your hands on his chest to push him in the direction of the border. The moment your hands touched his body, three things happened simultaneously.

One: your shield failed and a faebane-coated arrow pierced your right shoulder.

Two: two winged fae with bright siphons strapped to their fighting leathers appeared from seemingly nowhere.

Three: a mating bond snapped into place, binding you to your childhood friend.

The awe in Lucien’s face quickly melted into pure panic as your legs gave way. He caught you immediately, lowering you to the frozen ground and twisting your bodies so he was shielding you from the fight that was now taking place between the winged males and the Autumn brothers.

“It’s going to be okay, just stay awake for me. I’m going to take the arrow out and everything is going to be fine,” Lucien rushed out, supporting your upper body with his right arm and grasping the arrow protruding from your shoulder with his left. You let out a piercing scream as he pulled the arrow from your skin “I know I know, I’m so sorry. It had to come out so you can heal. I’m so sorry,” he held you close to him as the pain made your vision fuzzy.

One of the winged warriors landed near you, causing Lucien to let out a threatening growl in warning. There was no sign of his brothers now but he leaned even further over you, almost entirely shielding you from the stranger’s sight.

“I’m not going to hurt her. Just let me take her back to the Night Court so someone can check her wound and we’ll send someone to come and get you too,” the warrior offered, holding his hands up to show he didn’t mean any harm and beginning to reach for you. His friend was already scooping Feyre into his arms and preparing to take to the skies.

In his logical brain, Lucien knew that was the sensible thing to do but his instincts were raging a war against logical thought. Here he was, a newly mated male with an injured mate stuck in enemy territory with no option to return to his home without putting you in more danger. He knew Feyre trusted the Illyrians but he couldn’t risk it, not when it came to you. You, who was quickly fading into unconsciousness in his arms.

“Don’t touch her. Leave us,” he snarled, pulling you into him and rallying as much power as the fading faebane in his own system would allow.

Letting out a sigh, the warrior nodded in understanding. “The faebane will fade overnight and her wound should be healed by the morning. We’ll come back for you both then,” he conceded, flying after his friend and Feyre.

Lucien relaxed slightly once you were alone, and managed to winnow you both into a cave on the Winter Court’s side of the border. He used his last remaining magic to glamour the entrance and lay you down on the hard floor before wrapping you in his cloak and fussing around you as he looked for materials to build a fire. Your eyes were closed and he assumed you were asleep until he heard a shaky whisper.

“I always hoped it would be you.”

He sat next to you, taking in every inch of your face as you struggled to keep your eyes open. “Me too. When we were children, I would pray to the Mother every night and beg her to give you to me. As time passed and no bond appeared, I comforted myself with the knowledge that at least I could be your best friend but after everything that happened with my father and brothers, I couldn’t knowingly put you in danger after I left by continuing to contact you. I only wish that our timing was better,” he confessed in return, guilt evident both on his face and in the remorse he was sending down the bond as he thought of the many years that had passed since he left you in the Autumn Court.

“I know. I always knew and never blamed you. Autumn was always more my home than yours,” you comforted him, moving carefully to rest your head in his lap, needing to feel closer to him. He accepted you gratefully.

“What are we going to do?” You asked as he brushed your hair back from your face and rested his warm hand on your cheek.

“I don’t know. Feyre tells me the Night Court isn’t what we were led to believe so maybe we’ll make a home there, or we’ll find a new court. Maybe even leave Prythian altogether. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. I’m completely yours,” he vowed.

“And I’m yours. You won’t have to be alone now,” you promised.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was super self indulgent bc I love Lucien and I just want him to have his person. Thank you for the request!

[anonymousewrites]

Logos and Pathos (AOS Edition) Chapter Twenty-Five

AOS! Spock x Empath! Reader

Chapter Twenty-Five: Executing the Plan

Summary: The Enterprise crew reunites and begins to battle against Krall.

            (Y/N) tensed as they sat contemplating what the Enterprise crew could consider next to escape or get a proper message to Starfleet. Uhura and Sulu, sitting beside them, looked at them in concern.

            “What is it?” asked Uhura.

            “Someone’s coming, and they seem very pleased,” said (Y/N), narrowing their eyes.

            “Does that mean Krall got what he wanted?” said Sulu, alarm rushing through him.

            “Him and his men seem to be getting what they want,” said (Y/N), furrowing their brow in frustration.

            “That’s not good…” said Uhura, worried.

            “No,” said (Y/N). They stood as a guard approached the cage. “And this can’t be good, either.”

            “Then what do we do?” said Sulu warily.

            “We have to not get killed and get as much information as we can,” said (Y/N), keeping their expression calm as the guard approached with three others. They had a terrible feeling their situation was about to get worse.

            And, as the guards grabbed Sulu, Uhura, Syl, and (Y/N), they knew they were right. They had angered Krall before, and, now, he was undoubtedly going to remind them who was in charge.

l

            Sulu, Uhura, (Y/N), and Syl were shoved into a small room with Krall. He held the artifact in his hands, now attached to a metal ring was well.

            “This is Abronanth,” he said, a grin on his face. He was pleased at being able to gloat about having won. “It was used by the Ancient Ones as a weapon. But when they could not control its deadly power, they split it into two and ejected the halves into space, hoping it would be lost forever.”

            I wish they’d destroyed it, thought (Y/N). No matter what the weapon did, they knew their feelings about it wouldn’t change.

            Wham!

            Hidden barriers slammed closed, locking Syl and (Y/N) into a smaller room with Krall while Sulu and Uhura were left outside. It was an elevator, and it began to speed upwards.

            “But I am grateful,” said Krall. “I have spent lifetimes searching for it, only to have you find it for me.” The elevator doors slid open, and Krall walked out. Unable to do anything else, (Y/N) and Syl followed. “The poetry of fate. The world I was born into is very different from yours, Lieutenant. We knew pain. We know terror. Struggle made us strong. Not peace. Not unity. These are myths the Federation would have you believe.” He sneered and walked away.

            (Y/N) followed him while Syl remained frozen in fear. (Y/N) refused to stand down. “You have strong words. You even believe them.” They cocked their head. “And yet every time you have any failing, you are afraid. You are not nearly as strong as you believe.”

            “(L/N)!” Syl ran forward as the doors slammed closed. She was trapped.

            (Y/N)’s eyes widened. “Syl!”

            A device in the middle of the floor lit up, and lights spiraled around the room.

            “What are you doing with her?!” cried (Y/N) angrily. “You got what you wanted, so let her go. Whatever you’re about to do, do it to me!”

            Krall ignored them and pushed the abronanth into a depression in the wall. It fit perfectly, and he twisted it. Within the room, a black mass came out of the abronanth. It sparked with energy and swirled around Syl.

            “Stop!” said (Y/N), but Krall wouldn’t move.

            The energy engulfed Syl, eating away at the very atoms of her until nothing was left. (Y/N) let out an anguished gasp as they felt Syl’s pain and were unable to do anything. Krall twisted the abronanth once more, and the black mass retreated. (Y/N) held their hand over their mouth in shock, and Krall turned away, satisfaction rolling off him in waves.

            “Manas, it’s time,” said Krall.

            He turned and grabbed (Y/N), pulling them with him and Manas. They exited the building and walked towards another. All of Krall and his men were pleased, excited, and angry. Whatever they were planning on doing with that weapon, it would involve death, and they were anticipating it eagerly. (Y/N) was disgusted.

            “The Federation has pushed the frontier for centuries,” said Krall. “But no longer.”

            So it’s the Federation specifically he dislikes, thought (Y/N). If they couldn’t stop him yet, then they could figure out what he was planning and what was truly going on.

            “This is where it beings, Lieutenant,” said Krall. “This is where the frontier pushes back.”

            Vroom!

            Manas, Krall, and (Y/N) whirled to see a motorcycle (what an antique) speeding towards them. (Y/N)’s eyes widened as a familiar aura radiating towards them. It was Kirk! He zoomed towards them, and Krall fired his gun even as (Y/N) let out a shout. It hit Kirk, but he disappeared. It was merely a hologram. From behind a rock, the real Kirk sped out and fired several shots at Manas and Krall. They ducked and covered their heads.

            (Y/N) took their chance and ran. They darted over the rocks and scrambled over shingle to get away from Krall and get to their friends. Around them, a dozen Kirks whipped up a storm, distracting all the guards. One—the real Kirk—released a strange smoke from the exhaust pipe that hardened into a crystal wall. It provided a shield from the phaser-fire of their enemies.

            (Y/N) dove to the side to hide as an opponent fired at them. They braced themself against the rocks and cursed their bad luck. They needed a chance to escape, but it was proving difficult to get back to their friends without being shot.

            The opponent drew nearer, tracking (Y/N) down, and they raised their hands. If a fight was what they wanted, a fight was what they would get—empathy and all. Instead, (Y/N)’s eyes widened as Spock rounded the corner, and the enemy raised his phaser to shoot him. (Y/N) ran forward and barreled into the opponent. They pushed their hands between the slats of armor and forced powerful emotions of fear through the man. He seized up and collapsed, unconscious.

            “T’hy’la,” said Spock, instantly pulling them to him in a tight hug. He was unable to avoid the display of affection, not when he had been so worried.

            “Spock!” said (Y/N), hugging him back. “You’re alright! I was so worried.” They couldn’t handle the thought of Spock gone, but there he was, alive, and he had come for them.

            “I was concerned about you,” said Spock softly.

            (Y/N) smiled before jumping. “The others! Uhura and Sulu are trapped with the officers, we need to get to—”

            “Dr. McCoy and a new ally are freeing them,” said Spock. “And Mr. Scott is beaming them to safety.” He touched their fingers. “We only need to worry about getting go the beaming sight as well.”

            (Y/N) nodded. Of course, Spock and Kirk had come up with a plan. They never doubted them for a second. “Let’s go. We need to get out of here and stop Krall. He wanted to attack Yorktown.”

            Spock nodded, and the pair ran off towards the Enterprise crew. While they wanted to speak more—Spock had thoughts of marriage swirling in his mind because all he wanted was to stay with (Y/N) and keep them safe forevermore—there was no time for a proper reunion at the moment. There was still danger to be faced.

            Above them, various swarm ships were lifting off and speeding into the sky. (Y/N) cursed but had to focus on avoiding phaser fire. Spock kept them close to his side until they spotted Bones with the last of the crew. Bones’s emotions turned to pure relief upon seeing them, and he urged everyone up onto a flat rock.

            “Come on, let’s move, now!” he said. “Let’s go, come on!”

            He and Spock fired at the enemies trying to approach. Kirk appeared from a jump—still with the motorcycle—above and landed. He sped around them and put a crystal wall. He nodded to Bones, Spock, and (Y/N), who nodded back, and watched them safely dematerialized. Now it was just him and Jaylah left.

            While Bones urged the Enterprise crew towards his makeshift Sickbay to check them over, (Y/N) and Sulu stayed with Spock to wait for Kirk’s return.

            “Captain, your beacon!” said Scotty, urging him to turn on his location so he could be beamed out.

            “There it is!” said Chekov as soon as it turned on.

            “Energize!” said Scotty.

            A moment later, Kirk’s body appeared, falling to the ground because he had literally leapt through the air to grab onto Jaylah. Fortunately, it worked out, and Jaylah materialized on the Franklin.

            “Okay,” groaned Kirk. “Let’s never do that again.

            “I agree, James T,” said Jaylah.

            “Are you alright?” said Sulu, running in to help Kirk up. He nodded.

            “Captain, we have urgent news,” said Spock.

            “Already?” said Kirk, groaning.

            “The artifact he has—he’s going to use it to destroy Yorktown,” said (Y/N) grimly.

            Fear threaded through everyone’s auras. Sulu’s heart ached for his husband and child. (Y/N) thought of Merope and Alekto. No one wanted to lose those they cared about or any of the other millions of lives in Yorktown.

            “You take my house, and you make it fly,” said Jaylah fiercely.

            Kirk almost smiled and nodded. “Scotty, can you get this thing started?”

            “Started, yes. Flying, sir, that’s a different thing,” said Scotty. “These old vessels, they were built in space. They were never supposed to take off from atmosphere.”

            “Make it happen,” was all Kirk could say. They had no other option.

            “They’re called starships for a reason, Captain,” said Scotty.

            “You’re telling me this now?” said Kirk.

            “Because I didn’t want to disappoint you, you know, in case you didn’t make it back,” said Scotty.

            “How thoughtful, Scotty,” sighed Kirk.

            “Captain,” said Spock from where he stood protectively by (Y/N)’s side. He refused to allow them out of his sight after they had been taken. He wouldn’t lose them again.

            Everyone looked out the window to see what Spock had noticed. Their eyes widened. The entire swarm of ships was flying up out of the atmosphere—towards Yorktown.

            “He’s launching,” breathed Kirk.

            “The attack on Yorktown may be just the beginning,” said Spock. “Armed with this bio-weapon—” (Y/N) had explained what they had seen it do to Syl “—he could rid it of all life and use the base’s advanced technology to attack an untold number of Federation planets.”

            “Then we have to get this ship flying,” said (Y/N) with pure determination.

            Kirk nodded. “One way or another, we have to get off this planet.”

            “We cannae just jumpstart it, sir,” said Scotty.

            Kirk grinned and faced them all. He had the familiar “I’m going to propose something crazy and we’re going to try it anyways” look in his eye.

            “Oh, dear,” sighed (Y/N), knowing everyone was about to have a heart attack no matter how this plan turned out.

l

            “Okay! All systems online,” announced Chekov once they were “prepared” (not mentally, though). “Dilithium chambers at seventy percent and climbing. Primary support engines standing by.”

            Every sat down at their stations and strapped themselves into their seats (though the seatbelts were old and not as secure as the Enterprise’s).

            “Mr. Sulu,” said Kirk. “You can, you know, fly this thing, right?”

            “You’re kidding me, right?” said Sulu, raising a brow.

            “Fantastic,” said Kirk.

            “Are you ready, T’hy’la?” said Spock. The affectionate was usually reserved for their private moments, but, after everything, Spock just wanted to keep reminding (Y/N) how much he cared about them.

            (Y/N) smiled and nodded at him. For the first time since their strange discussion before the mission, (Y/N) felt secure once more in their relationship. Were they still apprehensive of what was going to be discussed? Yes. But did they also want to treasure what they had right in that moment? Yes. If they were going into danger, they’d face it with love in their heart, not fear.

            “I am, dear,” said (Y/N).

            “Scotty, how we looking?” said Kirk over the comms.

            “Ready as she’ll ever be, sir,” said Scotty.

            “That’s what I like to hear. Alright,” said Kirk. “Bones, where are we with the crew?”

            “I could use a functioning Medbay,” huffed Bones over the comms. “But otherwise we’re secure down here.”

            “Mr. Sulu, we have to achieve terminal velocity in order for the stabilizers to provide lift,” said Chekov to Sulu. “Are you sure this drop is high enough to do that?”

            “We’ll find out,” said Sulu.

            Everyone looked out the viewscreen and took a deep breath. It was time.

            “Call it, Mr. Sulu,” said Kirk.

            “Aye-aye, Captain,” said Sulu. “Mr. Chekov, be ready to hit the forward stabilizers full on my mark. One quarter impulse.”

            “Aye,” said Chekov.

            The engines turned on, and the Franklin listed forward over the cliffs below.

            “One half impulse, Mr. Chekov,” said Sulu.

            “Aye,” said Chekov, swallowing as the ship shook. Nerves hung in the room.

            “Easy, Mr. Sulu, let’s not break her in half,” said Kirk.

            No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the Franklin pitched forward. It hung over the cliffs. It fell. Everyone fell forward and held onto their seatbelts as the canyon floor rushed up towards them. Spock reached out and grabbed (Y/N)’s arm to keep them secure.

            “Any time, Mr. Sulu!” said Kirk as they plummeted.

            Sulu was focused, intent on the line approaching terminal velocity. “Now, Mr. Chekov!” he shouted at nearly the last moment.

            Chekov slammed his hand forward on the lever, and the engines turned on. Spock, (Y/N), Kirk, Uhura, and everyone on the ship tensed as they continued to fall. They held their breath as the ground approached.

            And then the Franklin flew.

            It was clumsy, they hit cliffs, and they jerked back and forth, but they were flying. Sulu pulled them up, and the Franklin dove out of the cliffs and towards the sky above. Sulu grinned as adrenaline coursed through him. Chekov let out a breath, and Kirk let out a nervous chuckle. Uhura heaved a sigh of relief. (Y/N) and Spock looked at one another in acknowledgement that they were still alive.

            They had done it. They had escaped Altamid.

            They had a chance of saving Yorktown.

Taglist:

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@gingertimelord

[x-0ophelia0-x]

two separated souls, reunited.

Pairings: Ezra Bridger x F!Reader Warnings: Ahsoka S1 Spoiler!, it’s my first fic too, please have mercy, it’s also not proof read, supposed to wake up for school in 4h :D

word count: 1,4k

summary: you and Ezra were in a relationship. After his disappearance back in Lothals big fight, you promise to yourself to find him, no matter the cost.

authors note: as I mentioned before this is my first story, well in english at least. I’ll correct the mistakes tomorrow, just wanted to post this already due of the lack of Ezra content here :´D

I hope you like it! <3

„I couldn’t have wished for a better family…can’t wait to come home“

Those lines were stuck in her head.

10 years had already passed since that eventful day. 

10 long years of not knowing what to do.

Her nightmares where plagued by her memories.

The horrific sight of Thrawns flagship being held by purrgils, ready to jump into hyperspace. Knowing that he was still in there. 

Not being able to see him one last time before their ways parted for who knows how long. 

Only hearing his voice through her comm link.

And just like that he was gone. 

Gone somewhere far away from them.

y/n didn’t want to give up.

Ezra meant the world to her and that day just broke her. 

And as the years passed by she started to lose hope.

What if he didn’t survive the hyperjump? What if he lost his memories?

What if-

What if he died?

She didn’t want to think about that, she’d feel it if something would’ve happened to him, right? Their bond was strong, there’d be some sign trough the force if he really was dead. 

But just as she started to accept the fact that finding him would be impossible, Ahsoka had found a map that may have Ezra’s location on it. And with Ezra’s of corse Thrawn‘s too. Her discovery didn’t go unnoticed though. 

Morgan Elsbeth who was currently working on to get Thrawn back found out about Ahsoka finding the map, sending the ex Jedi Baylan Skoll and his apprentice Shin Hati after her.

That was kind of the start of how everything started to go downhill after that. 

Sabine managed to unlock the map but the joy didn’t last long. 

Droids attacked her, followed by Shin. They managed to steal the map, leaving Sabine wounded. 

Those days where filled with quite the action, leading them to this point. 

Ahsoka, Sabine and y/n tracked the hyperspace ring.

They then hid themselves somewhere on that planet.

Shin and the Inquisitor Marrok found them, attacking them to eliminate the threads to Thrawns return. 

A lot happened, leading to the situation of Ahsoka being thrown off a cliff, Sabine lying knocked out on the cold unforgiving ground and y/n having to make an decision. 

Whether to give them the map and follow them as their prisoner, having the chance to finally find Ezra. Or destroy the map and with that the last chance to find her lover.

It was a tough decision but deep down she knew what she had to do.

If there was a chance that Ezra was still alive, she’d have to try her best to find him, to bring him home.

And just like that she handed the map over to Baylan. 

And her journey began. 

-

She was now riding on a howler, recalling everything that had happened. 

Thrawn was alive. And he had an army. 

There were more Nightsisters, helping Thrawn.

But the strangest thing?

They just let her go, even gave her some Proviant and a Howler.

y/n already got attacked by some smugglers or hunters… 

honestly, whatever they where, they wouldn’t stop her from finding him.

Not when she was so close. 

The attack destroyed some kind of device though, showing her Ezra’s last known location. y/n Just hoped to find him by some miracle. 

At some point the howler seemed to have found something. 

It went to a dried out river she assumed, sniffling on some rocks. 

„damn.. I think you’ve lost it.. those are just rocks“

She chuckled, stroking the howlers back.

But it didn’t stop and just when it’s sniffling intensified, the rock moved.

„karabast..“

She whispered.

That rock just moved. 

The howler ran closer to that.. thing?

„Hey.. we’re not going to harm you.. and you don’t have to hide anymore

since we kind of already know about your camouflage“

It took some seconds but the creature in front of them revealed itself. 

It was some kind of an walking crab thing, looking innocent. 

„There you go.. so…“

y/n was at a loss of words. She didn’t even knew if that creature understood her, well most likely not considering that she was from another Galaxy. 

But then something caught her attention. 

That crab creature wore some kind of necklace, with a sign on it. 

It was Sabines firebird. 

Her eyes widened at the realization. 

„E-Ezra Bridger..“

She looked deep into it’s eyes, hoping that it’d understand her.

„Do you know Ezra Bridger?“

It seemed to be confused at first, but it also seemed to recognize the name.

„Ezra Bridger?“

It asked with a high voice. 

y/n nodded.

„Yes.. I’m his friend! Do you know where he is now?“

The creature seemed to think about something, it then called

for his friends, leading to some ‚rocks’ start to move and reveal themselves as crab creatures. 

They then gestured her to follow them, leading her to a small village. 

Their houses were small, looking like they would only be temporary there. 

Crab people where walking around, doing their daily chores or just relax, sitting, sleeping or playing while the others looked at their new guest. 

They then stopped, leaving her alone.

She looked around, capturing the sight in front of her. 

Never in her life would’ve she expected herself to be standing in the middle of a village, somewhere in another Galaxy on a planet called Perridea. 

Just as she was looking at some things of the village, she heard a voice.

„I knew I could count on you… y/n“

She felt like as if her heart skipped a beat. 

She’d recognize his voice everywhere.

The voice of the one person whose made the ultimate sacrifice to keep his new family, his planet and his Galaxy safe from Thrawns games.

Ezras voice

She slowly turned around, her eyes fixating on the man in front of her. 

He was leaning against the wall of one of those houses, his arms crossed. A smile, so warm, kind and loving placed on his face.

He had grown, which was to be expected after 10 years of corse.

His hair had grown longer, his curly waves being a stark contrast to the buzz cut he had when she last saw him. 

He even had a beard now.

Her eyes then shifted to his, locking gazes with him. 

They were still the same vibrant blue as the day she lost him. 

Still so beautiful that she got lost in them for some seconds.

„Ezra..?“

She then asked, giving her everything to hold back tears.

„It sure took you long enough to find me..“

He chuckled, but his voice gave away that he also was holding his tears back.

Her legs then started to move on their own, running to him, not wanting to waste any more second. 

Ezra still stood there, opening his arms to catch her, to pull her into a tight embrace. And so he did. 

She clung to him as if he was her lifeline, not daring to let go, scared that he’d disappear again if she’d loosened her grip on him.

„I missed you.. so much..!“

She couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. 

They now streamed freely down her face.

„I missed you too..“

He said, holding her as close as he could.

Both of them had so many questions that didn’t seem to matter right now.

Everything they needed was this one embrace, ensuring them that they found each other again. 

When they pulled apart, they were again looking into each others eyes.

Ezra then wiped away y/s‘s tears, placing his hand on her left cheek while trying to find the right words.

„Thank you… thank you for finding me“

She then placed her hand over his hand, holding it gently.

„Don’t thank me for that… I love you, I’d do anything for you, even if it means to fly into another Galaxy to find you“

She said, laughing at the last part. And he too chuckled while hearing it.

„I love you too.. and I can’t wait to come home“

[thekingofwinterblog]

Maka and Crona's Journey - Wasted Potential

So one of the things I have come to heavily critique the Soul Eater manga for is the way it handled Maka post the defeat of Archnophobia, where it feels like there was a whole host of interesting character moments, but because this was the point where the Manga began to spin it's wheels and had no idea how to connect it's various ideas together into a coherent whole, it ultimately leads her story to feel like a mess of wasted potential.

And after doing an analysis of Maka and Crona's relationship through the manga, i came to realise that the pieces are there to tell a very good character journey that came thiiiiisss close to being amazing, but fumbles the ball on the most important moments, of which the ending is just the final, coup the grace that ensures it's a truly terrible story at the end of the day, rather than just being wasted potential.

I have always been of the opinion that Maka and Cronas second fight was where Soul Eater as a story peaked, as it represented the highpoint of it's themes and the journey of it's characters that would never quite be matched in either the anime, nor manga... But one thing I only realised when looking at what the Manga was trying to do, and how it differed from the Anime, is that the intention behind Manga Maka's journey foreward, was how, while this moment was the defining moment for both Maka and Crona, unlike the Anime, the Manga wanted to explore the negative aspects of this idea.

Maka comes to deeply love and appreciate Chrona and the bond they shared together... But this deep affection also led to Maka's biggest moment of weakness in either take on Soul Eater.

Her learning that Medusa is still alive and Chrona is still under her strings.

This revelation paralyzes Maka. She, the girl who during her second fight with Crona finally was able to overcome fear and be truly brave, now finds herself held back by fear. Not fear of what could happen to herself, but fear of what might happen to Crona depending on her own choices.

If she turns Crona in, there is a very strong possibility that Shinigami-Sama's wrath upon Crona will be quite brutal and swift, but on the other hand, if she does nothing, Medusa's plan will continue unopposed and she might lose Crona anyway.

And so she does... Nothing.

She turns into a coward. She's unwilling to commit to any course out of fear of where it would go.

This is great. It's easily some of Maka's best moments, but the problem comes later.

Because in theory Manga Maka and Anime Maka aren't supposed to be different characters, it's just that they go different journey's to reach the same place.

Anime Maka does not learn about Medusa the same way, instead she only learns about everything after the fact, and so has to react to the revelations in a manner that forces her to make a choice then and there... And her choice is that she will support Crona all the way, consequences and the opinion of anyone else be damned.

Manga Maka however, because of her moment of Weakness loses Crona, and they don't reunite again before near the end of the series.

When Maka tries to reach out to Crona, and convince the Pinkette to come back with her home, it's a sign of both Maka's loyalty and devotion... But also an intentional backslide of her development.

Rather than confront the matter head on, Maka tries to essentially sweep EVERYTHING that has happened since they last saw each other under the rug.

Lets go home, and pretend this never happened.

It's not that Maka's words that she WILL protect Crona are empty, because they're not, but the Manga very much want's this entire scene to be a mirror to the basement scene where the two of them first bonded.

Back then, Maka left Soul behind because she understood Crona, and trusted that she didn't need him for what she had to do.

Here, while she's alone inside the church, she brought her entire team with her, that is outside just waiting to back her up if something goes wrong.

Back then she understood that to reach Crona she had to confront the problem head on, with both kindness, but also with a very firm hand.

Here she is wishy-washy and though she is kind, she has none of that firmness that was so essential in forging their bond back then.

When Crona confesses to murdering Medusa, Maka, better than anyone understands how much this destroyed Crona... But she doesn't have an answer.

The confidence she once had in being certain in how to help Crona is gone.

And of course...

The girl who once walked through deadly and painful spikes to embrace Crona, now flinches away in shock, pain and fear at those spikes.

It is a remarkably powerful contrast and symbolism.

The problem... Is how we got here.

The idea is that this is meant to be where Maka fails Crona a second time, once more due to a moment of weakness, only here it's because she hasn't truly come to terms with the consequences of her own choice back then, and having mustered the strength to truly accept Crona's actions, and then go from there.

She wants everything to go back to normal, the wqy it used to be, when Crona tells her very clearly that that is impossible.

What Maka NEEDED to do here(And what should have been the climax of the story when they meet again inside the black blood) was to help Crona deal with the trauma of Medusa's murder, to help Crona realize that whatever else has happened, Maka still loves them, and that Crona is not fundamentally unworthy of that love as Crona thinks they are.

And at this she fails. Spectacularily.

It's a great sequence of events... It's a real shame then, that her character arc post Archne hasn't been about building up to this moment AT ALL!

Maka's storyline COULD have been about her dealing with depression, sadness over losing Crona, and probably more importantly than anything else, a deep, deep longing to go back to the time they spent together, to return to "Simplier days".

It COULD have been about exploring Maka in a deeply unhealthy and yet incredibly human part of her life, when the backsliding from the person she had begun to become thanks to her and Crona's bond was both painfully obvious, and clearly intentional storywise.

Even after growing as a person, that doesn't mean the way to reaching your best self is a straight road upwards. Sometimes you fall off the track, sometimes you lose sight of the goal you were seeking, and sometimes you look back and what was and feel tempted to go back to an earlier point because you are deeply unhappy with where you are now.

It's a real shame then that Maka's storyline between these points tackles absolutely none of these points or ideas for her character.

And on the moon, we see this pattern of a clear idea for a coherent character story continue, both with Maka's incredibly vicious reaction when she and Crona begins fighting, and how the plot points set up between them really goes nowhere.

The idea here is that Maka is having another moment of weakness, only this time one fueled by anger and Hurt, as she beats the snot out of Crona while saying things she obviously doesn't really mean.

It is, again, an intentional backtracking on her entire character, and if you look at it from the concept stages for her and Crona's relationship it makes perfect sense.

Maka, despite her love for Crona was deeply, deeply hurt by Crona's actions both at the church, and at the moon... The problems with the execution here is:

1. Her mood between the church and here has not in ANY way been building up to this very viscious but human outburst of anger.

2. Other than rejecting Maka at the Church, Crona hasn't really done anything yet that varrants Maka being this viscious and agressive. It feels like there should have been a scene where Crona really wrecked the rest of the cast here, but it didnt happen in the final product, and so while the idea of frustration and anger reaching a boiling point on paper makes sense, in practice Maka's anger in this scene feels really overblown.

3. It doesn't really lead anywhere. This moment comes, and then it's gone, forgotten, rather than playing into Maka's final character arc. You would think Maka would have a moment where she snaps out of it and realises how bad an idea/reqction on her part this was, but no. Much like the rest of the moon fight, it's flash and no substance.

And finally Maka's assession here where she informs her dad(and Black star) that Crona killed Medusa was clearly meant to be some dramatic turning point originally. The point where she FINALLY gets her shit together and realizes what she has to do... Only for Asura to regain control, and so she instead of talking this out with a hug here and now she has to break into Crona'a soul and talk there directly.

And there, you would probably expect her to have to once more go through some scenario where she has to brave painful thorns despite the pain, before embracing Crona in a hug anew, thus showcasing that Maka has FINALLY gotten her shit back together again, and has both regained her courage, but also her determination, her self confidence, from when she was at her height, and is now, finally, after a long, long period of depression and loneliness, ready to take on Azura, with Crona at her side.

You know, the logical rule of 3(one success, one failure, and then a final success as the big redepmtion to make up for our Heroines previous moments of weakness) of storytelling used to showcase both Maka's growth, her hugging Crona leading into some development where Maka finally manages to get Crona to forgive themselves for Medusa's death, and embrace the courage to face the world anew.

The pieces are all here to tell a really, really good tale of a Character who went through ips and downs, who lost something very, very important to her along the way... Only to regain it anew thanks to the bond eith the person she treasures most in the world.

She isn't perfect... But that's okay. She has the people she loves besides her, her partner, her friends, even her dad who she dinally is able to let go off her resentment towards(Which should have been the entire point of her finally wielding him in battle), and her relationship with Crona, the single most important bond she ever made with anyone through the story. Ready to take on the world.

Thst sure would have been a way better story, while also continuing all of Soul Eater's themes into an actual, thematicly coherent climax.

[genshinfanboy]

His Enchantment

|Hello everyone who sees this. This will be a modern au. Where you've been long time friend's with the twins from Fontaine. I love Lyney since he came out and been waiting for some free time to write something for him. I have another thing planned for him as well as some other Fontaine characters. The reader will be taller then Lyney as well as super perceptive. I'm also no longer burnt out on genshin. Anyways as always feel free to change the pronouns to fit your own. Please enjoy and have a lovely day or night everyone.

Scenario: You've known the twins for a long time. Long before they were adopted by their "Father" and gained a younger brother. After being friends for so long they part ways for a bit. After you finish college you both reunite in an unexpected way.

Lyney x A Male Reader

Warnings: minor story, character spoilers, minor angst with comfort, mentions of being followed, mentions of a creep and long.|

Lyney:

Lyney was preparing a new trick. It was taking some time to prefect so his dear sister offered to go and get them some lunch. His only hope was it wasnt going to be something super oily or fatty. He pulled out his lucky charm that he was given by his best friend. He looked at it fondly it helped him calm down when he stressed about a new trick. His friend was able to see through most of his tricks but the taller male always acted surprised.

He was in the first orphanage with Lyney and Lynette. The three were a trio until (Name) was adopted. They managed to keep contact all that time. Most people have a distrust towards Lyney but he knew (Name) would trust him without hesitation. It warmed his heart. It always helped that the taller male had a good relationship with his younger siblings as well.

Lyney frowned a bit thinking about how long it's been since they talked. "I hope you haven't forgotten about me while you're away." He muttered to himself with a sigh. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of Freminet and quickly put on his happy face greeting his brother.

Meanwhile while Lynette was walking with her and Lyney's lunch she caught sight of someone following her. She was being careful but still felt unease in her stomach. She started figuring out a plan of action. As she was walking a taller male approached her. "Lynette! Long time no see." Was heard from the man. "Are you ok? You look a bit uneasy." The man leaned down and said quietly.

Lynette shook her head. She was surprised to see (Name) back. She didn't wish to worry him at all. (Name) observed her reaction which to most people would seem stoic or uninterested but he noticed the minor changes. He scanned the area and noticed someone hiding not that far from her. "Let me walk you home then" He said giving her a warm smile. He held out his hand as to offer to carry her items.

After he made his statement the person following his friend came out and over to them. He noticed his friend's tail tense and ears twitch. "Miss Lynette seems to be uncomfortable with you sir. You shouldn't be so familiar with her either. She maybe famous but you can't approach her so nonchalantly. Not to mention i was just ensuring she got to her home safely." The man stated. His high and might attitude ticked (Name) off a bit.

It also set off more unease in Lynette. (Name) made a face at the guy's comment. It seemed like more likely he wanted to know where Lynette lived than ensuring her safety. He knew Lyney would lose it if he ever met the creep. He knew Lynette could handle herself but didn't feel right leaving her alone. He guessed it was time to put his acting skills to the test.

(Name) rolled his eyes. He reacted quickly after accessing the situation. This person had his eyes on Lynette after one of the twin's shows. He wrapped an arm around her pulling her close. To ease her worries and making sure she was aware he wasn't going to let this creep near her. She tensed before relaxing into the touch. It felt almost as natural as having her brother's arm around her.

"You're very mistaken sir. Lynette and I are together romantically. We're high school sweethearts. I can back to town recently and was planning on surprising her and her brother." He quickly stated. He could tell his violet eyed friend was surprised for a moment before nodding in agreement. Hopefully this lie would get the guy to leave her alone.

This made the person's eyes widened. "Well how come I've never seen you in the audience of any of their shows? What a terrible boyfriend!" The dude shouted. (Name) held Lynette closer glaring at the dude. He didn't want to get into a fight but would if needed. "As I said I was away at college. Also who do you think their very first audience member was? So you no longer have to make sure she gets home safely after all I'm here and she actually knows me." He stated matter of factly.

The guy got upset huffed and left angrily. (Name) looked down and met with violet eyes. "Let's get you a small treat on me. That situation was stressful for me I can only imagine for you." He suggested giving her a smile. "Also I assume you don't want me telling your brother about this?" He got a nod as a response.

"Got it. Guess you don't want him being super overprotective. I'll walk you home. Also sorry about my excuse I used it was the quickest way to make that dude leave without getting into an argument or a fight for now." The tall male said. Lynette noticed he had grown since he left. He also seemed more mature.

It has been awhile and so she'd like to catch up with him later. "You still owe me a treat." She stated looking up at him as he released her. He gave laugh. "Well lead the way to what you want and I'll get you it. Nothing big and you have to be able to eat it on the way. I don't want Lyney yelling at me." His face turned a bit pink thinking of the other.

The two walked walked together in a comfortable silence. The male was relieved that Lynette didn't seem tense anymore. The two got her a small dessert. They then made their way to her house without any other issues.

"Do you think it'd be possible to see your twin or is he too busy for me?" He said with a smile. To Lynette it felt as if he never left to being with. His presence just felt normal to have around. She gave a nod. "Wait here for a second. I'll go get Lyney."

After a few minutes of waiting he heard someone shout in surprise. It was definitely Lyney's voice. There was then muffled banter heard between the twins. Then he noticed a small shy blond hiding behind a wall. "Hey Freminet. No need to be afraid. I won't make you come out and talk or anything." He greeted with a gentle smile

Freminet hid his face even more. "Hello (Name)." He quickly and quietly greeted before running off. Which made the taller male give a small shake of his head and a smile. He never knew why the blue eyed male always ran away. He was at least always willing to greet the taller male. He hoped one day him and Freminet would be able to talk comfortably with out the smaller male feeling too shy.

It seems nothing has changed at all. Though (Name) knew a lot had changed. He wasn't aware of much about their "Father" but while away he learned bits and pieces. Now the twins he grew up with will always hold secrets from him.

Soon Lyney came down. "Hey now's no time to be distracted. After all you have a great magician standing right in front of you!" Lyney stated with a pout. "After all I can't be captivated by those beautiful eyes of you're looking away distracted. He hands were placed on his hips.

The taller male turned his attention to his best friend. He held a fond smile on his face. His face became a bit red about the eyes comment. "Hey Lyney. You made a mistake with your signature phrase. You said a great magician instead of my favorite magician." He corrected.

Lyney felt his face go a bit red. "But of course. How could I make such a mistake. After all I've left a deep impression on you for so many years. I made sure you couldn't forget me even after choosing to leave me, poor Lynette and Freminet by ourselves." He stated holding a hand to his chest. He noticed a pink hue dusting the taller male's face.

The other looked away from him again. The action reminded him of his shy brother's actions. As if the taller male was embarrassed or something. Lyney found it the perfect opportunity to tease the other for a bit. It's been a few years. Not to mention somewhere along their relationship the young magician had fallen in love with the other.

"Oho what's this I see did you happened to have fallen for me and leaving made you realize it?" Lyney teased slightly. He noticed he got no response back and noticed his best friend become a dark red. He avoided Lyney's gaze more adamantly than before.

"It seemed Lynette was in energy saving mode when I ran into her. Do you have a show later?" (Name) asked ignoring Lyney's teasing. Trying to quickly changed the topic. His face was already on fire. What more could Lyney want? He was sure it didn't mean much after all this was just how Lyney was.

Lyney leaned forward startling the other a bit. He was standing close almost in the taller male's personal bubble. "We do. However I'll only give you a ticket if you answer my question." He said. His heart was racing but he couldn't help himself. The reactions he was given were too cute. He also found relief as if there's a bit of hope for the other to return his long time crush.

His dear sister would call him madly in love for the other but he always denied it. He thought it was just a small crush. If anything she was simply over reacting. He denied it more vigorously once Freminet started agreeing with her. There was no way he'd be madly in love.

Lyney noticed their now very obvious height differences. There was no way (Name) had grown so much. He ruined the shorter male's confession plans. He was supposed to be the one to grow taller than the other. They made a promise of it too. Lyney was supposed to grow taller than him and then (Name) promised to marry him when and if that ever happened.

Lyney gave a pout for a moment before returning his attention fully on the other. He was now fully aware he'd never grow taller. There goes that promise they made as kids. He patiently waited for a response yet got nothing. He wanted all of the other's attention but wasn't getting any of it.

He pouted slight and moved so the other couldn't avoid his eyes again. He moved into the other's personal space. "Did my dear (Name) come to hate me? So much you won't answer a simple question. Do my performances bore you so now? I know you've always been perceptive but to this point." He said looking down. He was overexaggerating a bit.

"No! Why would I be here if I hated you? Lyney don't joke about that! We promised to trust each other no matter what." Lyney was captivated by the taller male. He felt a flutter in his stomach. He noticed that he looked sad at the mention hating the smaller male. Lyney could see the truth in his eyes. He'll have to make tonight's show perfect.

"Fine fine I'll stop teasing. Show up early tonight and I'll have a seat ready for you. I'll see you then dont worry it's going to be perfect." Lyney grabbed the other's hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. "I'll see you later I still have much to prepare."

(Name) was given a wink before Lyney walked off back into the house. His face was on fire from the smaller males actions. Was he that obvious? He just got back. He covered his super flustered face. He did fall for Lyney and he did realize it while being away from the other. After all how could he not. He went from being around the blond all of the time.

He loved when they'd do homework together and he'd catch glimpses of lovely violet eyes. He had definitely become enchanted by the other. At the times he wished Lyney would rely on him rather than taking everything on himself. He gave a sigh as he reminisced. His blush had become darker. It was refusing to disappear.

His brain was still catching up with what just happened. He was sure it was just the other being his normal self. Which didn't help his racing heart. He uncovered his face. His blush darken as he looked at the had his best friend decided to kiss before leaving him there.

He quickly shook his head and was about to walk off but pulled out his phone. He didn't wish to forget to message the other. His wallpaper was a picture of Lyney with Lynette and Freminet on the day he left. He smiled at the picture. Then pulled up Lyney's contact.

'I have no idea where or the time you are performing tonight. Also it was good to see you. :)'

He smiled down as he saw the sign that Lyney was typing out a response. He was about to head off but saw Lynette come back out. "So you've fallen in love with Lyney." She stated as though she had been watching the entire thing.

"That obvious? Hopefully he didn't notice. I don't think my acting skills can save me if he did." The taller male asked rubbing the back of his neck. His face still covered in a dark blush. He hid his face with a hand looking away. Lynette gave him a blank look.

"Why don't you bring him a bouquet tonight and just confess?" Lynette stated. She was tired of her brother's pinning. She also thought the two would never confess if left on their own. At least not direct enough for the taller male to get a hint. He tends to be oblivious when it came to Lyney.

(Name) thought about it for a second. It would be a nice surprise to receive a bouquet but he was unsure about confessing. "I'll bring a bouquet for both of you tonight. See you later Lynette. Try not to waste anymore energy." He said with a wave and a smile.

The tall male walked away. He made his way to a flower shop. He got two small bouquets. He made sure to get Lyney some rainbow roses. He hoped the other still didn't know what certain flowers symbolize.

Lyney had gone to his room and fell onto the bed. His gloved fingers going to his lips. Why couldn't the other see how clear his feelings were. He sat up and quickly arranged to get his best friend his front roll ticket. He got a burst of new energy. He was determined to perfect the new trick with in the hour.

Time seemed to drag on for Lyney. He perfected his trick and still had a lot of energy. Perhaps it was nerves Lyney couldn't tell. What he did know his how much he wished to see (Name). He had to distract himself or he'll over think and things may become a disaster.

Eventually time passed but not soon enough for Lyney. Though (Name) arrived just like he told the other. His eyes enchanted the shorter male. Lynette looked at her brother. His staring was pretty obvious he was completely in love. "Looks like you arrived right on Time. Any later and we would have had to let Freminet give you the ticket and take you." He teased a bit.

(Name) held out the flowers. "I was going to give you both these after the show but I didn't want them to get crushed." He said quietly. He seem to have been avoiding Lyney's gaze again. His mind was still hung up on how the shorter male kissed his hand. The twins grabbed their bouquets.

Lyney intentionally made his hand graze the other to see his reaction. He saw the other jump and another blush appearing. Then he noticed the flowers. He knew the other loved flower languages. He recently learned himself because of the Reporter from the Steambird always pestering him.

The show went super quick. Now the grand finale was about to begin. Lyney was up on the opera's roof to perform it. Perhaps this trick would actually surprise (Name). He got into the box his anticipation rising. He did the quick switch with the dummy.

(Name) was in the audience watching nervously. When he saw Lyney falling his eyes widened in fear as if the trick had gone wrong. By instinct he called out Lyney's name in panic. Then his friend disappeared into a burst of flowers. He stared in awe at the flowers while his heart pounded in anxiety. He placed a hand on his chest realizing it was a dummy that switched places with his best friend.

He placed a hand on his chest. He ignored all the eyes staring at him for calling out. As if they weren't all worried too and gasped when the dummy had fallen. With the show being over he pulled out his phone to contact Lyney. He saw a message of where to meet the other. He made his way over to the area.

He felt his body relax fully when he saw those beautiful violet eyes. His body reacted on it's own. He rushed over and wrapped his arms around Lyney's shoulders. He held them tightly. "I don't like that trick at all. My heart stopped when I thought you fell. I'm so glad you're safe. The flowers were beautiful but my mind was too panicked at the thought of you falling." He muttered in Lyney's ear.

Lyney looked surprised. He hugged his best friend back. "I get it I won't perform it at shows you attend again. How about you allow me to take you out to make up for it?" He said ears had become red. "Just let me hold you for a bit and that will make up for it." Was his response. Lyney felt the hold tighten slightly. That trick must've really scared him a lot.

Lynette soon appeared and saw the two. "I told you he wouldn't like the trick Lyney. He shouted your name when the dummy fell out of the box." She stated. Lyney looked surprised. He really scared the other. He pulled away from the hug to see the other's face. He noticed some tears and went to wipe them.

"You twins are going to give me heart attack today." He saw looking away from both of them wiping his eyes. "What did Lynette do?" The violet eyed male asked. He noticed the taller male stiffen. He noticed his sister give a reaction too.

"Hey Lyney that trick made me realize something. Though you never grew taller than me I want to try a relationship with you if you'd give me the chance?" (Name) said. He grabbed Lyney's face so he was the shorter male's sole focus. He was trying change the topic quickly.

Lyney looked at him love struck until his brain realized the diversion. "Hey Hey we will come back to this topic later. What happened with Lynette earlier?!" He demanded to know. He was given a kiss on the cheek before the taller male grabbed his sister and quickly started running off. "Nothing bye Lyney. I owe her a dessert. Love you." He called off as he picked up Lynette so he wasn't dragging her along.

Lyney huffed running after the two. "You both better tell me now! Doesn't matter how much I love you both I won't give up on this. You both need to tell me keeping secrets isn't cool!" He called out quickly chasing them. They were working together against him with Lynette directing (Name) and his best friend/ now boyfriend was running away with his long legs.