#Seriously want to do physical harm to myself sometimes and that's not a joke

[frostbite-the-bat]

i hgoupe I'm The roller guy to yall

[3v3ry0n3z-fav3-al13n-x3]

Addressing my (already deleted) posts from recent weeks. + Other stuff

I know I keep apologizing for one thing or another, but recently I've made multiple posts that have made lot of my followers and just people who have stumbled upon them in general extremely concerned for me and people around me, and that was for a good reason. And for that I want to apologize.

I've made multiple posts talking about my thoughts and desires to physically harm and even take away lives from my classmates and the students in my school in general. I want to say that I haven't done anything nor had the actual courage to do anything like that, neither to anyone around me or myself, and that those words only came from the bottling up rage and hate I've had for years.

I've been verbally and sometimes even physically bullied pretty much since I started 1st grade of school, and it only got worse and worse each year, especially after I came out as a trans guy and got into the whole scene, emo and alternative fashion in general at around 8-9th grade. It got so bad to the point where I changed schools.

After I transitioned to the new school, it actually felt much better and more pleasant there than my old school, that was so in the beginning at least. After some time I started getting bullied again, some kids even started insulting me as Satan which didn't even happen in my old school, and even when I tried dressing more "basic" the bullying didn't stop. Not only that but my class started bothering me too. They started asking me icky and uncomfortable questions about my identity, they kept making homophobic, sexist, racist etc "jokes", one of them turned out to be a literal neo-nazi, I couldn't say a word without one of the guys making a dumb comment towards me or mocking me, and no one seemed to take me actually seriously when I was upset.

I noticed that it was starting to get worse on my new school than in my old school, because at least I felt safe in my old class, which was no longer the case in my new one.

That's when I sort of snapped, and all that bottled up rage and hate spilled out into these posts. I've felt nothing but rage these last weeks

I deleted those posts out of shame. I'm now aware I shouldn't have made these posts public, or even had those violent thoughts in the first place. I am sorry to everyone I have alarmed and concerned. Like I said, I haven't acted upon these thoughts and I never will, no one was harmed in any way.

Thankfully I've had a chance to calm down and relax, since I've gotten a whole week off school after talking to a teacher about everything that's been happening. I can finally think straight and I'm so relieved.

I'm actually done with all of our final exams and I'll be finally graduating this Friday! I honestly can't wait. After 10 years of pure hell that's been only getting worse each year, I'll hopefully be finally able to catch a break I desperately need.

After the graduation party I'll most likely reblog this with an update post, saying how the party went and all that.. and I'll also talk about my exciting plans after graduation! :3

I definitely won't miss my school years after graduating.

[ventique18]

After that yandere Malleus joke comic, just wanted to put it out there that I don't think he's yandere at all. I used to, actually, because that was what the fandom liked portraying him as, but after reading the materials for myself it's actually highly unlikely that he is.

He's just an inexperienced boy who doesn't know what to do with his intense feelings. This is also the reason why I inserted a skit in that comic about Sebek suggesting that he eliminate any rival; I just believe he's an easily influenced person owing to the fact that he's not well informed on how to tackle certain social challenges.

If we take a closer look at how he genuinely feels in stories, we'd know that he highly treasures those who are close to him and would choose to sacrifice himself than let any harm come to them. This naturally means that in his heart, he would absolutely not approve of hurting you in any shape or form. Not physically, not emotionally, not psychologically. He would likely sooner distance himself from you than potentially hurt you.

But, that is, if he was in his right state of mind.

I just want to say that he's someone who forgives even those who attempt to kill him. He's someone who puts up with people openly isolating him. But he's just someone-- a person with limitations. He's been alone for centuries, and he's bound to snap from all the pent up longing and lack of affection. He might do something he's not supposed to. Things he doesn't know he's not supposed to do.

Again, he's just a boy who doesn't know what to do with his intense feelings. But that doesn't mean he's some kind of monster who'll willingly antagonize and discard your wellbeing just to fill that void in his life.

All of this doesn't mean I disapprove of yandere content though. I don't take them seriously and just think they're funny, actually! I may also sometimes draw crude things here and there, but know that almost none of those are serious and are made just for fun. I hope none of you start thinking I like the thought of my dear Malmal separating Yuu from their friends lol, he'd never do that given that he himself knows how important it is to have friends.

[homuratodorokirp]

Homura's backstory and character intro

This post is entirely OOC and there are trigger warnings for it, those being of physical abuse of a child, emotional abuse of a child, domestic abuse, child neglect, depression and a brief mention of suicidal ideation. of course all these issues will be treated seriously and respectfully by me, Homura may make the occasional joke about her trauma but that is not me making the subjects a joke myself. If any of this is triggering you don't have to read, it will all be under a read more section.

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Character ref sheet:

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As a young child Homura was raised in a house that was anything besides loving most of the time, with a cold and cruel person like Endeavor as her father she wasn't considered as anything "useful" once her quirk revealed that it could harm her, as while it was the quirk he was looking for Homura's body was not made for it, with her fire side having cold resistance and the ice side having heat resistance meaning she was tossed aside along with the rest of her siblings.

Before this however Homura was treated "well", with that mostly involving her not being ignored, her training was still hell, as even when she was young Endeavor wouldn't be gentle with her, pushing her to train harder without a quirk until it manifested.

Endeavor couldn't let another one of his children be a "failure", Touya already couldn't use his quirk without hurting himself, and Fuyumi's wasn't strong enough, so he spent 2 years just training Homura in any way he could, wondering if the girl was quirkless, but after consulting a quirk doctor it was determined that she wasn't, her quirk was just coming in late. and when it finally manifested when she was almost 5 that's when everything started to crumble as her quirk started to harm her once she tried to do anything with it.. just like Touya's had, so just like him, she was tossed aside.

Unlike Touya she didn't hold much bitterness over not being trained, she hated it anyways, but she was still upset at being ignored now. the next while was mostly uneventful for her, as she just grew closer to her siblings now that they were all in the same situation.. especially Touya, being the closest to him out of everyone due to their shared experience of being thrown away because of how there bodies were. often she'd spend nights just trying to talk with him, keep him from training by himself so he wouldn't hurt himself, and when he wouldn't listen Homura eventually started to come along sometimes, admiring how determined he was.

When Shoto was born she watched as things started to crumble even more, what little peace there had been fell apart as Endeavor started to focus all his attention on the new child, leaving even less for the rest of the children somehow. Homura couldn't do anything but watch as Touya started to get more and more desperate for their fathers love, or as Rei and Shoto went through hell as his mother tried to keep her child safe only to be pushed away and hit for it by the horrible man she called a father.. she felt helpless for so long, being able to do nothing but try to comfort her siblings, try to get close to Shoto to see if he was alright, and try to keep her mother safe from actions she didn't understand.

Then Touya died, an event that broke the family even further, and one Homura couldn't stand to just move on from as she started to lash out at Endeavor for the first time in her life, screaming at him and doing her best to force him to leave the rest of her family alone, even when he hurt her for it she didn't stop until she Rei starting to beg for her not to, that she couldn't lose another child.. After that Homura kept away from most of her family, it made her sick to look at her father and made her want to hurt the bastard every time she had to see Rei and Shoto suffer, seeing the fresh bruises on them became a nightmare she couldn't take.

The same year she started to escape the house on days when she could as it was the only way to get away from the sounds of her younger brother crying.. she didn't know how the other two of her siblings managed it, but she assumed they must just be stronger than her.

on one of her days out she found a young child on the streets, and she found herself unable to ignore them completely, even if she couldn't help at all.. as the two talked she found herself bonding with the kid, angry for their sake the same as if they were family.. Homura wanted to take the child home, to get them help.. but her home was no where for a child to be raised, and if she went to the police she knew her father would punish her for running off and causing him problems.. so all she could do was come back there when possible, try to let a hero know.. but they didn't exactly seem to care for some reason.. maybe all adults were like that then..

When Rei was put into a mental hospital Homura thought about just killing herself, what was one more member of the family gone? it would get her away from hell.. but she couldn't do that.. couldn't do that to her remaining siblings, they all just had each other, they weren't allowed to speak to Shoto anymore either, so they had no one, and Homura couldn't make it worse for them..

Instead she'd go back to fighting for them, screaming at Endeavor whenever he dared show his face to her until her throat was sore and she was in tears. Endeavor would always be the one to "win" these fights, calling Homura a worthless waste of space, telling her she was useless and would never amount to anything or anything along those lines until she was broken down for the day.

On the days where Endeavor wouldn't even bother "caring" for the children Homura wouldn't leave her room, wouldn't speak unless spoken to.. she sunk herself deep into the same obsession Touya had once held, practicing her quirk in secret and preparing to enroll herself into UA, she'd make something of herself, and once she could she'd get all her family away from Endeavor.

Even as her plan slowly started to work she just felt numb to things, how could the world still smile and look at Endeavor like a hero.. how could they love people properly when so many humans were so awful.. by her third year of UA people looked at her like she was amazing, after all she was top of the class and had won the sports festival the second year while coming in third the first year, but she still felt like this was nothing.. she wasn't anything, people would smile at her and she'd smile back out of habit but it was never genuine, it was like she was just moving her body as if it were a robot, going through the actions without any heart.

It was during her work study that year that something changed, as she was put on a case to help a child adjust back to being in a safe place after being put through hell for almost 2 years by her father.. the case reminded her of herself, and once again it lit a fire under her, she would show this child what a normal life was like, even if she had no idea herself.. and before the child left to the family who had adopted her she said that Homura had saved her.. that she wanted to be a hero just like her when she was grown up.. and that single comment made her realize what type of hero she would be, making her feel like a person after so many years of feeling like nothing.

After that people all said she changed, a statement that Homura would laugh off, so what if she had, she felt somewhat better now, enough that she could finally make friends, ones where she felt something towards them rather than just a dull empty feeling like she had before.

During her first months of being an actual hero she was contacted by the safety commission, and given an offer she couldn't refuse, with it granting her permission to kill villains should she need to, but more importantly she'd be given permission to speak with Rei after years of being unable to contact her. in a second Homura accepted, she didn't care what may come of it, she would show her mother that at least one of her children was doing well, and she'd send the message to every villain that she wouldn't let hurting innocent people stand.

.. Those morals didn't last long, as an old friend told her that he was a villain now she didn't do anything to stop him, giving him one rule to follow if he wanted her friendship still, to not hurt her siblings, no matter what happened.

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Alright other details time!! first quirk stuff!

Icey Flame: She's able to create fire from her right side, and ice from her left, however her body is built for it to be the other way around, meaning if she wants to use her quirk without damaging herself she needs to use support items. She has insanely good control of her quirk now, being able to use it in almost any way she can think of.

The support items she uses are made to regulate her body temperature, slightly digging into her skin to release hot or cold into her body when she uses her quirk, that way she doesn't burn herself.

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General Info about her and what to expect when interacting

Homura's info: She's 22/23 (22 during the start of the series and sometime before the final battle turns 23), meaning she's twin sisters with Fuyumi, she uses she/her, is bisexual however prefers women, is the number 11 hero, her hero name is FrostBurn and she tries very hard to be nice to all her fans.

When interacting

She's friendly with most people and will talk to just about anyone, even Endeavor, however she absolutely hates the man and it's one of the few times she isn't nice

She's terrible at emotions, while she will try to help anyone or show them kindness do not expect any romance, she barely understands if she truly loves her family much less anyone else

Her relationship with most of her family is good, she's aware Touya is alive and while they don't really talk she doesn't try to stop him from killing or hurting Endeavor, only stepping in when the rest of her family is in danger. As well her relationship with Shoto is incredibly strained, but she does still care about him quite a lot

She isn't against the league of villains, while she hates AFO and everything he stands for she cares too much about a couple members of the league, namely Touya for obvious reasons, and my other mha oc Kageno as they've been friends for a while.

She knows most of both class 1a and 1b as she will sometimes come to UA as a guest teacher, either when one of the teachers can't make it for some reason, or just when her life experience and teaching style would be good for the students

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That's everything!! have fun with this blog!!

[mentalisttraceur]

I do sometimes wonder though... when I was a kid, literally at most 10-11, I made an off-hand comment, maybe even just a joke, that if my parents mistreated me, here in America I could tattle and sic a government service that protects children from abuse on them.

I was probably just sharing this the same way I shared any other new/interesting/surprising thing I learned in school. But maybe I joked about it at some point too? Either way, I know I wasn't saying/implying/thinking anything actually serious. It's not like I knew to consider how my parents treated me as "abusive".

Like many, I figured I was getting approximately normal/typical parenting - abuse was always by definition something exceptionally bad, worse than the presumed-normal parenting I experienced. So my parents were always "safe" from this - I probably would've never thought to tattle, and even if I did, I wouldn't even have had enough of a clear perspective of what's toxic/abusive/harmful vs healthy/normal to report the right things.

But I know it hit my parents harder than I expected. I have this memory, a day or a week or sometime soonish after I mentioned it, my mom, either in the middle of chastising me about something else or just escalating to that tone and cadence out of the blue, starts telling me how that's for the really abusive parents, the ones who do awful shit. I think she even said something about how it would be messed up if I reported them as if they were that, and I replied that yeah, obviously, I know. Hah... Then one time they brought it up years later, I don't remember mom or dad, over a meal with another Russian family that would've been predictably sympathetic to how oh so absurdly wrong it was that a kid could blackmail their parents with threats of government intervention.

It stuck with them. It was noteworthy to them. Or at least my mom. Far more than it was me.

So I do wonder, sometimes... maybe that caused some restraint. Maybe they, as adults with more perspective, knew their position better than I did, or even had a skewed perspective of having more to worry about than they actually did, thanks to that one off-hand nothing comment. Maybe I got really lucky that I said at the right time.

It's hard to call what I experienced... "restraint". In the thick of it, I didn't see anything change much. I don't have enough precise memories to put together statistical trends, and the emotional damage was already sufficient. Changes in frequency or severity would've been hard to notice from within the unresolved emotions invoked by each reoccurance, each rememberance, each anticipation.

But perhaps it kept it from getting worse, in some key way, at some key juncture. For example, I don't think that's the likeliest or biggest reason why they never called the cops on me when I finally successfully defended myself physically - I kinda figure that's just them being genuinely better and more mature and kind people than the more seriously abusive parents who do exactly that, plus not wanting to cause even more of a scene since we had guests over at the time - but perhaps fear of child abuse charges was a factor?

Ultimately I don't think it really matters much, just some fine-tuning on my ability to model and predict minds, a little tighening of probabilities.

[drafthorsemath]

When is it okay to joke about cults

I am going to try my best to make this quick. Of course there aren't firm lines, but I wanted to point a few things out.

Are you a former cult member making fun of your former cult leader? About how awful they are? Go for it. Have at it. Drag them. The leaders in cults are narcissists and the only ones pulling the strings. Also, a lot of former cult members get to a point where they like joking about the cult they were in (about the beliefs or the leader) as a form of catharsis. Other fine things include calling cult leaders out on their bullshit. Cults take themselves very seriously. Cult leaders take themselves so very seriously. Poking fun at the leaders to knock them down a peg is usually just fine (whether or not you were a former member.)

Do you call your friend group or fan club a cult? Don't. Do you joke about starting their own cult? Don't do that. Let me put it another way. Would you joke about being the victim of domestic violence? Would you joke about being assaulted and abused in an lol kind of way (that isn't just you deflecting because trauma)? Would you joke about abusing people? No? Then why are you joking about starting your own cult? Cults are systems of abuse. Real cult members go through immense abuse. Always psychological and emotional, sometimes physical, and often sexual. Don't joke about cults like that.

(While yes, some definitions of cults include "benign" cults, no one joking about their "cult" is going off that definition.)

I'll also add, if you see the way someone dresses or a piece of art about a character and have the desire to say they look like they're in a cult or about to join one, just don't do that. While there are books, documentaries, and podcasts about the realities of cults - many very accurate and including former members - there are still many fictionalized TV shows and movies that present cults in a certain light and often people like they "mystery." It is very different from their life and so they are captivated.

I know that it is still considered acceptable to make fun of cult members. I know that people throw the word "cult" around like it doesn't matter. This is simply a reminder that it does actually matter. I'm not mad when I see people making these mistakes, but it leaves me feeling incredibly cautious around them because it shows me they either don't understand or don't care. I used to try to ignore it and distance myself, but I think most people don't realize that what they're doing is harmful.

Oh look, this wasn't short at all.

[high-functioning-lokipath]

SH - Sherlock x Depressed!Reader - With a Little Help from My Friends - Words: 2,793

IMPORTANT A/N - PLEASE READ: As stated in the title, this story contains discussions of depression. There is mention of suicidal thought and self-harm. I personally don't think it's too intense in it's descriptions HOWEVER!!! If this will trigger you, for your own health and safety please do not read. My messages are always open if you'd like to talk. I wrote this partially based on my own feelings so I can understand to at least a degree. You're amazing and I love you all. As far as this story goes, just remember: it has a happy, very fluffy ending but it doesn't start that way. I hope you enjoy it, feel free to leave a comment!

Brief Backstory: Reader is friends with John and Sherlock. She is a nurse who works with John. The three met shortly after Sherlock came back. Sherlock and Reader have crushes on each other but won't admit to it. I think the story explains everything else.

"Y/N, I'm going to be honest," John said, putting his hand on your shoulder comfortingly. "I may have PTSD but I cannot fully put myself in your shoes. My depression is different than yours." You had called your best friend, John Watson, in a mild panic. You had been feeling depressed for some time, as he knew, but that day had been especially bad. There was no particular reason but your depression had gotten so intense that you knew you needed help to get past this particular wave. John invited you over to 221B, assuring you that his flatmate would be out for the next couple of hours. "As a doctor, I am going to prescribe you some medication. Lowest dose possible and only because I want to help you get some immediate relief but I know you do not want them to become permanent. Let's work on finding another solution for you, ok?"

"I don't know, John," you replied. You'd asked John to be your Doctor since you didn't go to one regularly and he didn't mind your irregular checkups. "I've tried just about everything. The only outlet that seems to help is writing and even then," you trailed off, trying not to cry again. "This feeling just won't go away and I don't even know why it's there in the first place. I just want it to stop."

"I think you should talk to Sherlock."

"What?" You squeaked. "Why in the world would I talk to Sherlock?"

"I can't tell you why, Y/N. As both your Doctor and Sherlock's, I have to respect certain amounts of patient confidentiality. However, as your friend, I think you should talk to him."

"I don't know."

"Trust me," He replied. Smirking slightly, he added, "Doctor's orders."

"Ok, John," you chuckled. He smiled and hugged you. "Thanks."

"Now how about we go and fill this prescription and then maybe get some ice cream?"

"Well, honestly," you sighed. "The ice cream sounds great but I didn't sleep well last night. I was actually wondering if I could just take a nap here for a bit. I sleep better here sometimes." You blushed but John nodded understandingly.

"Of course," He replied. "I'll run down to the drugstore and fill this for you. Meanwhile you get some rest. I'll let Sherlock know you're here just in case he ends up getting back before I do. Will you be ok by yourself?"

"Yeah," You smiled. "This is a safe space for me. I'll go grab a blanket. Thanks again."

"Don't mention it. Just remember, talk to him."

"I'll try."

About 15 minutes later, Sherlock arrived back at the flat. He'd gotten John's texts.

John: If you get home in the next 45 minutes, be quiet. Y/N is over and she's taking a nap. I have to run out for something.

Sherlock: Is everything ok? - SH

John: She said she had a bad night.

Sherlock: She must have had a reason to come over in the first place though. - SH

John: She's going to need to tell you that herself. Don't ask. Do you understand me? Let her tell you. Be nice, ok?

Sherlock: When am I not nice to Y/N? - SH

John: Ok, that is true. You like her too much to be rude to her. If you could just hold back your deductions for one second I will say this: you two have more in common than you think.

He hurried home, not to wake you up of course, but because he wanted to see you. If there was something seriously wrong, he wanted to try and brace himself for it first. He couldn't help the smile playing at the corner of his lips when he thought of you. You two were good friends, that much was obvious to everyone. But Sherlock could see the potential for something more. He liked you a lot. You were just as smart, sassy, and sarcastic as he was. But you also could be extremely kind and caring to others and especially to him. He still didn't quite understand why you cared for him so but he was grateful. Before he could dwell on that too much longer, he arrived at 221B.

He quietly slipped inside and smiled at what he saw. You were curled up on the couch, sleeping like a baby. Apparently, though, you'd kicked off the blanket you had grabbed. Instead of picking up the blanket, he decided to take off his long coat and carefully lay that over you. You quickly cuddled into the warm fabric, unconsciously taking a deep breath, inhaling his unique signature left behind on the coat. Satisfied with what he'd done, he took off his suit jacket and went to the kitchen to prepare some tea for when you woke up. He knew you had a favorite tea and, unless John moved it or drank it all, there still would be some in the cupboard.

You woke to the smell of your favorite tea and a hushed exclamation from the kitchen. Opening your eyes slowly you saw Sherlock in at the counter trying to set up a tray with the teapot and cups. Recognizing your surroundings a bit more, you realized what was on top of you. Sherlock was just about to bring out the tray but you decided to pretend you were still asleep. The chances of fooling the Detective were low, but you wanted to try.

"There," He whispered to himself, setting the tray on the coffee table. You could hear him settling down on his chair, likely getting into his 'palace pose' as you called it. For a moment you were happy. You had actually gotten some quality sleep, you were currently cuddled up in Sherlock's famous coat and Sherlock had even made you tea. But that feeling quickly faded. Tears threatened to spill out of your still closed eyes as self-deprecating thoughts filled your mind.

'John probably told him to make me tea. He probably covered me with his coat so I wasn't as much of a distraction. He doesn't want me here. He never does. Why does he even tolerate my presence? He probably wishes we'd never met,' You thought. Your mind was going a million miles an hour and gaining. Without your notice, the tears began rolling down your cheeks and quiet sobs escaped your lips.

"Y/N?" Sherlock whispered. You're eyes shot open. You hadn't heard him get up. Now he was kneeling right next to you, one hand hovering over your arm. "Are you ok?"

"Oh, Sherlock!" You cried. "I-I wish I knew."

"C'mere," he said, motioning for you to sit up. Once you did so, he pulled you into a tight hug.

"What's this for?"

"You always give me and John a hug when you see us. You haven't done so for the past 5 days. I-" he paused briefly before lowering his voice and continuing. "I missed it."

"Oh." You weren't quite sure how to reply to that. You leaned into his embrace, letting yourself get lost in the moment.

"Y/N? Is there something I can do to help?"

"How much did John tell you?" You asked. You wouldn't have been mad exactly if John had told Sherlock to talk to you, but you wanted to think Sherlock was reaching out on his own.

"He told me you had a bad night."

"That's all?" You asked, surprised. You pulled away slightly and stared into his eyes. Sherlock nodded, frowning slightly as he tried to deduce you.

"Why are you afraid to talk to me?" You turned away, embarrassed and unsure what to say. "Be honest."

"I don't want you to make fun of me. I have-" You took a deep breath, steeling your nerves and preparing to just jump right in. "I have been extremely depressed lately and I didn't want to hear another speech about how all I need to do is exercise and eat right and stop thinking about sad things. Well you know what? I can't stop it! I can't help it if I feel like a useless pile of trash that should be thrown in the bin and burned." By the time you finished your little tirade, you'd gotten up and started pacing the floor. Then you turned and faced Sherlock. His expression was neutral but there was an obvious sadness in his eyes, one you didn't expect to see. It wasn't of pity. If you had seen that you also would have given up on the conversation. No, it was almost an understanding, an empathy. His eyes were actually glistening with tears.

"Have you ever felt like," he paused, voice unsteady. "Like giving up?" He whispered, unable to hold eye contact. You nodded silently. He got up slowly and walked towards you. At first, you thought he would hug you again but then he started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Uh, Sherlock?"

"Just wait a moment. I want to show you something." He carefully shrugged off the purple shirt that you, admittedly, loved so much and tossed it on the chair. "Only one person knows about this. You will be the second. You remember I told you about Moriarty's network?"

"Yes, the day we met. I asked you about your work, a simple question. And I got an answer that lasted 3 hours." Sherlock chuckled dryly.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Oh, no. Please don't apologise. I-" You sighed, rubbing your forehead. "I tend to make jokes when I'm nervous."

"I know." He smiled at you with, yet again, a completely unreadable expression. "You remember though." You nodded, opting to stay silent as he explained. "Well, those 2 years dismantling his network weren't easy. Not physically and certainly not emotionally. As a result of the different missions, I received many wounds on my body in various locations. I was," He paused, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. "I was depressed, guilt-stricken and suicidal. I figured I had hurt my friends enough. If they thought I was dead maybe I should just go on with it."

"What changed your mind?"

"I didn't want to do it on a mission. I wanted to see home again one more time. So to temporarily relieve the pain I," He sighed. Well, I wouldn't let my wounds heal. I'd pick at them. Mycroft finally convinced me to come back officially because he needed my help. I never told him about this. I think he knows but we don't discuss it." He looked down, obviously embarrassed and feeling more emotionally naked than physically. "You can look," he said. It was as if he'd read your mind. You were trying to be respectful and not stare but you realized that's what he wanted to show you. You had, on occasion, seen him shirtless before but you had never realized how bad some of the scars were.

"Sherlock, I-I don't know what to say. I-" You were completely shocked. Not offended. But actually comforted that he understood you. "Thank you," You finally said.

"Actually I wanted to thank you. I didn't just show you this to prove that I understand your feelings." You looked at him confused. "The day we met. You were leaving work, correct?" You nodded.

"It had been my first day there. John had been happy with my work and requested that I stay assigned to his office permanently. John had already finished up and headed home but there was some paperwork I had to finish so I was leaving about an hour late. Come to think of it, John said he had plans with you that evening. Why were you there?"

"That's what I wanted to tell you. I met you less than a month after I came back. I had still been quite depressed so I was still picking at my injuries. That day had been a bad day for me. So I cancelled my plans with John and I decided to go back to where I started this whole mess and finish it."

"Wait, are you telling me that-"

"You saved my life." Sherlock took one of your hands in his own and held it tightly. "I had memorized the work schedules of most everyone there and knew how to slip in unnoticed."

"But you didn't factor in me."

"Correct. When I ran into you, quite literally in fact, as I was entering the building, I was surprised. Not just by your presence but by what I deduced about you. You intrigued me. I had to find out more about you so I invited you to have a cup of coffee with me."

"Which turned into dinner." Sherlock nodded. "And since you were so intrigued by me, you forgot all about that."

"In a manner of speaking. You weren't a cure-all, mind you. You helped, though, by giving me a new mystery to investigate: you. That night, when I got home, I told John everything. He helped me too and when I mentioned you he couldn't stop singing your praises. He is very proud of you and your work you know."

"Yeah, I guess so," You replied, a little embarrassed. "Thank you, Sherlock. I'm sorry that you went through all that, but, I'm glad I have someone who understands. And I'm glad you're here to help me."

"Me too, Y/N. Me too," He replied.

"Can I, um, can I have another hug?" You asked, blushing and smiling. Sherlock rolled his eyes.

"If you must," He sighed, holding his arms out. Any other day, you would have thought he genuinely didn't want personal contact. But today you realized he was simply teasing. You wrapped your arms around his waist and leaned your head on his chest. You felt him relax as he leaned forward a little to cocoon you in his arms. "I care about you, Y/N. I don't care about many people but you mean so much to me. I-" You looked up at him and pressed a finger to his lips to quiet him.

"You don't have to say it, Sherlock. I know." He smiled and looked somewhat relieved. You knew he wasn't good with feelings and that was fine with you. "I love you too."

"I wanted to be the first one to say that," He pouted. You chuckled softly and booped his nose.

"You already have." He smiled and kissed your forehead lightly.

"I know this won't fix everything right away. I know you'll still have bad days. But I wanted you to know you could come to me too."

"I know. Thank you again, Sherlock." At that moment, John walked in with a bag from the store.

"Oh, hello!" He chirped, happy to see you hadn't gotten into a yelling match. Then he noticed Sherlock's shirt, or rather, lack thereof. "So, uh," He stuttered, unsure of what to say. "What should I do with this?"

"First of all, thank you, John, for giving me the guts to talk to him about this. And second, I think I'll give it a try. You know, to try and prevent a really bad day when you guys aren't available or if talking still isn't enough. But for today I think I'll be alright," You said, turning to John with a smile.

"Well, I'm glad. So did you just talk about that or did he finally tell you that he's had the biggest schoolboy crush on you from the moment he met you?"

"John!" Sherlock yelled. You laughed loudly.

"Not in those words exactly, John," You replied. "Don't worry," You added, turning to Sherlock and ruffling his curls. "Your secret's safe with me."

"Good. Now if you don't mind, I need your input on this case."

"Me?" You asked, quite surprised.

"Yes," He said as if it was obvious. "You're a woman after all!"

"And that is important because?"

"The killer was a woman obviously but I can't understand why she would do it!" The two of you went off into your own little world, completely ignoring John as he cooked dinner.

John: Ok, mates, get your tuxs out. Won't be long now.

Greg: He finally proposed? 😀

John: Not yet, give it a week.

Mycroft: John, you forget I monitor his spending habits.

John: And?

Mycroft: He's had a ring purchased for some time now.

Greg: 3 days tops.💍

Mycroft: I would estimate about 3 days as well, Detective Inspector.

Greg: We're in a Group Text. Talking about our friend like a bunch of teenage girls at a slumber party. I think you can call me Greg.

Mycroft: If I must.

John: So, girls, will you help me make the plans?

Mycroft: Of course. He is blood after all.

Greg: Count me in! Wouldn't miss it! 🕵️👰

Sherlock BBC Taglist

@lucywrites02

@delightfulheartdream

@bartv21

@another-crazy-fangirl

@ladylulu143

@gaitwae

@for-hearthand-home

[enchantedblackrose]

Like I Love You

Jay Halstead/Plus sized Reader

Summary: Jay arrives at your apartment to pick you up for a date, but you're filled with self doubt.

¡Warnings! This potentially could be triggering. Poor body image, possible body dysmorphia, specific mentions of feelings of not being enough because of physical appearance

<Please, please lmk if I need to add any warnings.>

Loosely inspired by One Direction's Little Things

Like I Love You 

Your head throbs as hot tears of frustration continue to fall from your eyes. 

It was absolutely ridiculous to be this upset trying to pick out a decent outfit. After all, you've been successfully dressing yourself since age three.

But you don't have the mindset of a toddler. You're a jaded young woman with society's disgusting definition of beauty constantly shoved in your face. 

Deep down you know better. You know that the numbers on the scale give no indication of your beauty nor do they dictate your worth.

Sighing and trying to remind yourself that you are pretty, you again glance in the full length mirror. Standing there in nothing more than a top and underwear, fresh tears immediately fill your eyes. You only see flaws. Resisting the urge to poke at the cellulite near your thighs, you focus on your shirt. But the sleeves are cutting into your arms making them look weird. No, not weird. Fat. The too tight sleeves cause your arms to bulge. And the material clings to your soft tummy. You pinch the excess belly fat between your thumbs and index fingers, wishing you could squeeze it away.

You feel so ugly and gross. Angrily you pull the shirt off and throw it clear across your bedroom, where it joins a pair of jeans you couldn't breathe in and numerous other offending articles of clothing. None of which you look good in either.

You find an oversize t-shirt and slip it on before you just collapse on that very spot of plush carpeting.

Tears still roll down your face. All you wanted was something cute to wear. To be pretty. And go out with your boyfriend for a date night. He's a detective for the Chicago police department. The hours are already long and sometimes abnormal, but this week he, and the rest of the special unit he's a part of,  were logging extra hours on a particular difficult case. You haven't seen much of each other recently so you were especially giddy when you received his text earlier in the day saying there had been a break in the case which meant he could swing by your place and take you out on a proper date. Your reply had been almost immediate, telling him how wonderful that sounded.

You were surprised to hear from him again, still promising to take you out, but proposing you both meet up with his coworkers after dinner for some drinks. He included "begging" and "puppy dog eyes" in the message. 

Though you wanted to, you couldn't exactly say no for several reasons. You had already agreed to the date, so he knew you were free. Part of you suspected that he had done it on purpose. You'd accuse your favorite detective of entrapment later. 

You also were fully aware how much Jay wanted to introduce you to the coworkers he considered friends, having been invited to go out with them several times before. You kept putting it off.

Not because you had no interest in meeting everyone. Rather, the idea fed your worst insecurities.

What if they don't think I'm good enough? They're going to wonder what he sees in me. Then Jay will start wondering too. 

Wanting to do this solely for Jay's benefit, believing he deserved this after the hellish week at work, you went to your bedroom to plan your outfit. That's how you ended up in this nightmare. You only want to look your best, like you belong with Jay.

Nothing in your closet said that though. The truth of the matter was no one like him should be with someone who looks like you.

Cries turn to sobs. You draw your knees to your chest, hugging them tightly.

You hear the door to your apartment unlock, Jay using his copy of your key to let himself in. Hastily, you wipe at your face, not wanting him to see you like this; yet you can't find the will to stand. A loud, nasally sniff escapes you.

"Babe?" His still unaware voice calls out from the hallway. "I got us reservations." You don't answer back right away and you hear his footsteps approach. 

Having found you, he stops in the doorway. "Whoa. What kind of nuclear clothing explosion happened here?" He indicates to the mounds of clothes which surround you and cover the better part of the carpet and bed. His laughter dies as soon as he sees your tear-streaked, puffy face. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" his worry evident in both his voice and light eyes. He looks you up and down, frantically searching for any sign of what has you like this.

You mumble incoherently.

"What?"

"I don't have anything to wear."

"The floor begs to differ," he teases. You glare back, in no mood for jokes no matter how well intended. He holds up his hands signaling he meant no harm before he pulls you to your feet. "What's going on?" You huff a heavy sigh in reply. His hand caresses your cheek and softly "hmms?" at you encouragingly.

"Nothing fits right," you confess. He hesitates unsure how to respond, so you continue. "I look extra fat in everything."

Jay frowns. "I doubt that very much. You always look good. I love how you look dolled up when we go out and I love when you're in an old tee and sweats."

"That's nice of you to say-"

"Well I didn't say it to be nice. I said it because it's true," he cuts you off.

You give a tiny, weak smile. "I hate how I look." Your voice cracks. New tears sting your eyes.

He brushes the few teardrops that manage to escape with his thumb. "Baby, what are you talking about? You're beautiful." His voice is soft with a hint of sadness hearing you talk this way.

"This is not beautiful." You pat your flabby stomach, then your thighs. 

Carefully stepping to avoid the clothes which litter the floor, Jay makes his way to your bed and sits on the edge, still mindful of the garments piled there as well. He opens his arms, indicating for you to sit on his lap.

"My huge ass will probably crush you," you mutter.

"Baby-"

 

Exasperated you throw your arms up, "I look nothing like you!"

"Well I'm a guy and you're not so…"

"Stop. I mean you look like a freaking model. That face and those abs for days." You catch him looking smug, no doubt a witty remark is at his lips, but one glance at you and he leaves it unsaid. You continue. Your voice hushed, "I'm afraid of what people might think or say when they see us together. It's why I've been so reluctant to meet your friends."

His eyes sadden. He reaches for you, gently pulling you to his lap. When he speaks, his voice is soft, but stern, almost begging you to believe his words. "I'm sorry you feel that way. I honestly had no idea, but listen to me, please. The only people who get a say about our relationship are in this room right now, okay? So our opinions are the only ones that matter. You. Are. Beautiful." He pauses only to shush you when he sees your mouth open. "The way your mind works fascinates me. Your sense of humor is amazing. You continuously show compassion for others, which in this world is not always easy. I swear your goodness is innate. Your laugh is intoxicating. When you smile...I wish you could see how your face lights up and your body turns me on exactly how it is. I have never been attracted to anyone as much as I am to you. I love you."

Jay's words move you, but they're not enough to silence your insecurities. "Even though I don't have a thigh gap?"

His brows furrow. "I...don't know what that means."

"It means my thighs touch each other. They're not supposed to."

"Says who?"

"...society."

"Society's ugly, not you or your thighs." His fingers trace nondescript patterns on the bare skin in question. "Besides, thick thighs save lives."

"Jay!" You laugh despite yourself. He smiles in return and presses his lips to your temple.

"I love you too. You know that, right?" You ask, realizing you hadn't said it back and he nods. A hand intertwines with his as you look in his eyes, "I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"You're not. We all have insecurities or things we don't like about ourselves. I just wish you weren't so hard on yourself. I'm sorry too if you felt I was putting pressure on you to meet everyone."

"Not at all," you shake your head. "That's just me being me."

"Still, if my friends have a problem with us being together for any reason, they're not the people I think they are. Truly though, they'd love you. Hell, if we didn't show up together I could see one of them hitting on you," Jay pauses if imagining it.  "But seriously. They'd adore you. First, because they're going to see firsthand how good you are for me. Then because you're you. Funny, smart-"

"But I want to be pretty, Jay. And look like we belong together."

Jay sighs, but not out of frustration with you. He's only concerned."You are. And we do. I know nothing I say is going to magically change how you see yourself...I get that. You have to be the one to work this out. I really wish you could see yourself through my eyes and love yourself like I love you. Maybe then you'd understand you're so worthy of self-love. I promise, I'm right here and I'm going to keep reminding you how beautiful you are in hopes you'll start to see it."

Your hand caresses his cheek as you fight the urge to cry again. He leans into your touch. "You do help," you tell him because it's true and to reassure him. "I'm so lucky to have you. I'm really going to try to not be so down on myself. Besides. I  really don't want to ruin any more of our nights."

He waves you off. "A night trying to get you to see your beauty is not ruined. And the night's still young. We'll do whatever you're up for. Go out for a bit. Stay in and order food. Whatever."

A small smile appears on your face. You quickly peck his lips with yours. "I just want to wash my face before we do anything." Jay nods. You slide off his lap and head to your bathroom across the hall.

The light flickers for a second as soon as you hit the switch. You go to the sink, turning the water on and letting it run to get to the perfect temperature. Standing there, you glance into the vanity mirror. Your face is still slightly puffy with a few soft pink splotches across your cheeks from all your crying. You splash the water on your face and repeat the action several more times before using a fluffy towel to pat dry your face. You stare back into the mirror. And smile. It reaches your eyes and illuminates your face. You reach a realization. However fleeting or permanent, you don't know. But right now in this moment, you feel it. 

You're pretty.

-

[thotsforvillainrights]

Hello so I had this random idea at 2am:

Everyone talks shit on Kai's anime hairline, right? What if he hears one of the bullets saying something and before he can take out his anger on them he sees his s/o drag them away (for example Kurono being an escort in public) and he just kinda goes to his office and sits there thinking over it and he gets insecure about it (and very confused why he's insecure about it.) And his s/o comes back and helps the man feel better about it.

Whatcha think? This possible to even happen?

(Is it possible to happen? Well it is now lol)

~Insecure Kai and His Hairline~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

4:00 p.m and the day was moving along swimmingly...well, as swimmingly as a day of business could go for the yakuza. Kai finished some morning paperwork, and set up a schedule to meet with another group that evening before his shift ended. He also scheduled a few shake downs for Setsuno, Hojo, and Tabe to handle. On top of that, he was busy moving a few things around to be pushed into other areas (he need not say). As he walked down the hallways feeling fairly proud of his achievements for the day, he caught wind of his name being thrown around from Deidoro’s mouth to Rappa. He usually didn’t care about small talk or gossip as long as the workers got their job done, but he was rather curious to see why he was apart of the conversation. Therefore, he paused and put his back against the wall just before the corner ended so he could listen to what his precepts might’ve been saying. 

“I’m just saying, if I were him that I wouldn’t try that slick back style anymore. That shit looked a little ridiculous.” Deidoro spoke in between sipping his alcohol.

“Hey watch it! If the grand and might OverHOLE catches you saying that shit, he’ll have your head on a platter.” Rappa said sarcastically.

“Ah fuck it, what are the chances of that right? Besides, he’s been killing a lot less with Y/N around. Anyway, just hear me out. The boss looking a little good in Y/N’s eyes right? I hear it from random female and male and non binary yakuza members from other groups as well. They always mention his looks and how handsome he is. But like...that recent big ass meeting we had? His haircut was NOT fucking suited for the slick back look. His hairline is like the American basketball player Lebron James.”

“Damn man, I don’t like him either but I’m not gonna roast him this bad.” 

“No serious! This aint a damn roast, it’s facts. I bet by the time boss hits 30, he’s gonna be balding.”

Both men laughed while Kai could feel his blood boiling. Was he some sort of fucking joke now?! Just because he had gone a little soft and started to show sympathy and appreciation for his men doesn’t mean he is to be taken lightly. He was slipping his gloves off at the very moment to go show Deidoro and Rappa a thing or two when suddenly your voice appeared.

“Deidoro! Get upstairs to the top level right now and clean that mess up you made, and I MEAN IT. Rappa, you’ve got to come with me today because we’re picking up some new furniture and Overhaul told me last week if we go through with it that I wasn’t allowed to lift it myself. Sorry bud.”

“Why apologize to me? I’m down for some heavy lifting any day!” And then silence as the three walked away. Kai could always wait until you leave with Rappa to handle Deidoro but there isn’t time to stalk and kill his employees. Plus this was confined talk so he’d fess up to eavesdropping and you’d probably get upset at him for it. He sighed in annoyance and stomped back to his office, silently hoping for someone to step out of line on his way so he could absolutely destroy them. Once back inside his office he buried himself in mindless busy-work to distract himself from the anger. It worked for a moment...but his anger had shifted from annoyance to some other feeling...in fact the feeling could best be known as insecurity. That couldn’t be right??? Could it? Throughout the day he found himself stopping to look at his hair in the small mirror inside his desk drawer. Eventually it became so constant that he shifted towards keeping the mirror propped up on his desk so he could work and keep peeking over and over. With each peek at his hair, his perception of himself shifted more and more until the voice in his head began nagging at him that this imperfection was real and it was very VERY obvious. At times it was the only thing he could see when he looked at himself. He couldn’t remember exactly what he looked like when the day began. He groaned and reached out to fling the mirror across the room. Just as you opened the door to greet him, it slammed against the wall next to you and shattered.

“Uhhhh...bad time?” You laughed nervously as he gripped the sides of his head and sighed. “Angel please leave...I’m not feeling very well and I think I’m sick.”

“Oh stop it, you know I can tell when you’re really sick. Anyway, I was just coming down here to tell you I was heading out to get furniture. I’m bringing Rappa with me like you asked, but I figured I could bring Deidoro instead of Nemoto since Shin has stuff to do back here and Rappa seemed attached at the hip with Deidoro today.”

“Do as you wish with them. I could care less if they died...”

“Okay now I know something is up. Chisaki please talk to me, I don’t like it when you feel like you have to hide stuff from me. I can see you’re bothered by something and I don’t think Pops or the other group’s leader will like the meeting coming up with you being so dismissive on things. Please talk to me?”

He sighed and looked up at you with dull eyes. “Angel...am I still attractive to you?” Kai silently begged you’d have the answer he wanted. “Kai if you ever ask me a question that stupid again, I will physically harm you.” He smirked and shook his head. “Well of course you’d think that. Just earlier I caught Deidoro and Rappa speaking about the current state of my hairline today and-”

“Ohhhh Oh my Gosh they were talking about it upstairs earlier and it was so funny I...” You paused when you saw his lip just barely jutting out in a pout from under his fabric mask. “Oh my God Kai, that was just locker room teasing. They were just making jokes is all. They sit around and roast everyone to keep from being bored. Y’know I didn’t think you were the type to take someone so seriously over this type of thing ESPECIALLY not Rappa and Deidoro of all people! Listen, you know as well as anyone else that not everyone is going to have a good opinion on you. I learned a long time ago that as along as I think I’m hot then no one else matter. Besides, it’s okay to get a little insecure sometimes since it’s human nature, but don’t you EVER forget how sexy you are. And anyway, I don’t know what they’re talking about hair for. Rappa’s shit is so matted up in the back, it looks like he’s starting dreads. And Deidoro...if he reached up and pulled his hair back, he would have a 12 head instead of a forehead.” You said nonchalantly while looking down at him sitting in silence. He slowly reached up to hug you with one arm before thanking you for your kindness. 

“Thank you Angel.”

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

Instagram: @pastelbattydraws & @pastelbattystore

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNMJH7vHL7APNobUykhK4w?view_as=subscriber

[samnyangie]

Since people liked rsl interview on dps, I’d like to share one of my favourite interview by him. I think it’s one of those rare interview where he wasn’t joking around that much but discuss acting quite seriously haha

So enjoy:DD

(Credit)

____________________________

1990 New York Times

Young Actor's Life Has the Makings of a Movie

by Lynn Mautner

New York Times

May 20, 1990

It would make a good movie. A 15-year-old sophomore at Ridgewood High School is playing the Artful Dodger in the musical ''Oliver'' with the school's theater group, New Players, when he is discovered by a casting agency secretary and whisked off to Broadway and the movies.

That's exactly what happened to Robert Sean Leonard, now 21, and a star of the 1989 film ''Dead Poets Society,'' which received an Oscar for best original screenplay.

''My mother took me to New Players' summer performances when I was 10,'' he said, ''and I loved the camaraderie of people, rehearsing and singing. I began spending more time there, painting signs and moving furniture, and soon became an element of the company, with small roles in 'The Miracle Worker,' 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat,' 'Barnum.' ''

Starting as an understudy for three roles at the New York Public Theater (he never got on stage), Mr. Leonard amassed credits that include ''The Beach House'' with George Grizzard for the Circle Repertory Theater, television movies, ''Brighton Beach Memoirs'' and ''Breaking the Code'' on Broadway, plays at the West Bank Cafe on 42d Street and the recent ''When She Danced'' at Playwrights Horizons.

He has just completed a part as Paul Newman's and Joanne Woodward's son in the movie ''Mr. and Mrs. Bridge,'' filmed in Kansas City, to be released in August. ''I age from a 15-year-old Eagle Scout to 22, coming home from World War II with a mustache,'' Mr. Leonard said.

Mr. Leonard, who received a general equivalency diploma when he was 17, lives in New York City and attends Fordham University between performances. Soon to return from the Cannes Film Festival with his fellow actors in ''Dead Poets,'' he is next scheduled to go into rehearsal for the film ''Married to It,'' a romantic comedy.

Q. Do you remember when you decided on an acting career?

A. I never decided to pursue an acting career. It just has happened. I still think it's going to stop and I'll have to get a real job soon, but I'm afraid to question it because if I do, it will disappear.

Q. How do you think your theater experience in high school has helped you?

A. It was a great teaching experience that prepared me in a lot of ways. We did 10 shows in 10 weeks, so there was no time to think about method. It was running for the stage, hoping you'll make it in time for your entrance. In Steven Soderbergh's new book of his diaries when directing the film ''Sex, Lies and Videotape,'' he said that on a film set there should always be a chain of command, but never a chain of respect.

At New Players, those three to four years, everyone was given the same respect. You had to, because you'd be the lead one week and painting sets the next. That's a luxury that is not available in New York, unfortunately, because of the unions. You're an actor and that's it.

Q. Have you taken any acting lessons? Do you recommend them for others?

A. I've taken two classes - a video acting class to help me get from stage to film, with Marty Winkler, currently my manager, and an acting class at H. B. Studios.

Acting classes are tricky. It's like asking someone in therapy if they'd recommend going to a psychiatrist. For some people it's great; for some it's not necessary; for some it's harmful. The best way to learn acting is just to do it.

There's a danger to the classroom, because it's safe, and you can get addicted to it. The clique of people are there, and you might tend to remain with them and never go out on your own. So it can give you the safety net which can eventually strip away your courage to go out and really try. On the other hand, you can get a wonderful teacher who brings out the best in you and gives you the courage to go out and dazzle everybody.

Q. You went from high school to Off Broadway. What were your feelings and fears during your first professional performance?

A. The first time I performed in New York - in ''Sally's Gone, She Left Her Name'' - I played Michael Learned's son. I think I was too young. I wasn't even aware of reasons to be afraid. I was just there for the fun of it. Fresh out of New Players, I knew it to be fun. I've never worried about lines. In ''Brighton Beach'' I should have been tense, because it was Broadway. I was nervous, but not racked - more excited.

Q. What do you enjoy most about acting?

A. The people, and opportunities to learn, to travel, both physically and emotionally. To look at people other than myself and try to figure out what makes them tick.

Olivier said you never play a villain; you play a man considered to be a villain; that you have to justify everything he does first; you have to know that what you are doing is right and find a way to make it right - even murder.

I just played a conceited piano player in ''When She Danced,'' and I had to figure out what would make a person be conceited and make that O.K. with me. I learned where conceit comes from - from confidence and talent.

Worst thing you can do is play someone and judge him at the same time, saying: ''Here I am. I am so conceited.'' First you have to understand why you're that way so that people interpret you as conceited.

Q. Do you consider acting an escape?

A. I don't look at performing as escaping, as really becoming another person and leaving my problems for two hours, so I don't have to deal with me, because I don't become another person. I work, so that when I am working, in a way it is me at my best. I'm not leaving myself; in fact, I'm more focused on myself than ever. I don't become that person, but I fully understand him, fully explore him, as to why he does what he does and justify it.

You can't play a fool to play Bottom, who's the opposite of fool in Shakespeare's ''Midsummer Night's Dream.'' What makes people fools is that they're completely confident in what they're doing. They don't think they're fools; they think they're right on track, which makes them so funny and makes them look like fools.

Q. Who influenced you the most?

A. I have not had one person or experience that stands out that's a turning point. Every step in acting relies heavily on the one before. Everything I've learned colors everything I have known before, and suddenly changes it.

I have learned a little bit from everyone I have known, whether about acting itself, or living and working as an actor. Like a good detective novel, for every clue that is solved, two more appear. Every time I learn something, it opens two other doors. In ''Dead Poets,'' the rooftop scene, where I throw the desk set off, was improvised. Are instincts then a part of acting?

Q. Are there desirable qualities to have as an actor?

A. Concentration, perseverence, lack of inhibitions. There's no room for self-consciousness on stage. Also, there is an element in acting that is not fair. Whatever talent is, part of it can be learned and part can't. There are people that audiences like to watch or don't. In Soderbergh's book, he says that talent plus perseverance will equal luck. But I don't know what talent is; it is beyond definition.

Q. Do you learn by watching other films and plays? Your own? Other people?

A. Sometimes I watch for directing; sometimes for performing. There are lines in ''Dead Poets'' I would do differently, if given the chance. For example, Todd said: ''You talk and people listen to you, Neil. I am not like that.'' I answer, ''Don't you think you could be?'' I think I could have made it clearer. I don't get much from observing strangers, because although I see what they do, I don't know where they're coming from.

Q. What are the main differences between stage and film work?

A. I feel that as an actor, you should start in theater, to learn the process of creating a character, in rehearsal. Film is an arena for people who already know that, because on the set they expect you to know the character inside out.

Film work is harder, because this tangible part has to happen in your head before filming takes place. And it's more solitary. You create your character alone, without the give-and-take of other actors.

Q. What tips would you give young, aspiring actors?

A. Read plays aloud with friends at home; do any work you can do in high school. Hang out with jocks, leatherheads, and see what makes them work. Don't be a theater rat and only talk to actors. Read a lot. You really have to feel it; really want it; then take it. Don't take no for an answer. Seize the day.

___________________________

There’s another one I really want to share as well, I’ll bring it with me at some point:))

[andraaste]

I am not your enemy - Lance fanfiction Part 4

I have a question for you guys. In French, we say "une oreille à qui parler" literally "an ear to talk to". Do you say that expression, too ? I really don't know, but that's the title of my chapter aha.

So, here's chapter 4 !

(Link for Chapter 5 here)

Chapter 4 : Someone to talk to

Lance walked in front of me with a sure and confident walk, while my stomach twitched slightly at the thought of what Huang Hua wanted to talk to us about. Why hadn't the leader of the Sparkling come to me in the first place, when it was clearly necessary ? Why leave it to Lance, supposedly the person I should have the least interaction with, to do it for her ? I didn't understand her intentions.

I observed the broad shoulders of my companion. He had changed a lot in seven years. His hair had grown and his body looked even better built. But beyond the physical, the dragon had a much calmer temperament. It was probably due to age or ... to everything he surely had to go through as a result of the battle. How did all this happen for him ? For my part, I couldn't yet think about all that. The battle, the death of Valkyon and many Eldaryans ... I couldn't. Something in my head seemed to be blocking these thoughts and maybe that was why I was able to tolerate the presence of this man by my side. Because I hated him, I couldn't deny that we had compatible characters.

How can we manage such a situation ? How do we accept the fact that we appreciate the presence of the person who has hurt us the most ?

My thoughts were halted as Lance branched off in the direction of the HQ's huge meeting room, which immediately intensified my burgeoning stress. Before opening the door, he gave me one last indecipherable look. I let him know I was ready and he let me in before stepping back. Puzzled, I questioned him.

- Aren't you coming in ?

- It seems to me that Huang Hua wishes to address us separately.

Upon hearing my arrival, Huang Hua stood up and offered me one of her bright smiles to which I could only respond weakly.

- Andraste, here you are at last ! I am glad to see you. How are you, my beautiful ? Eweleïn told me about your worrying wound yesterday.

I could already imagine Lance's disapproval of me keeping these facts to myself, but I wasn't going to give her that pleasure. I just wasn't ready to tell anyone what was happening in me.

- I'm better, thank you. More fear than harm, I guess.

- Good. This is precisely what prompted me to bring you both here. As Lance must have told you, I put him in charge of keeping you safe for a while. At least until your condition improves and you are at the peak of your senses.

I then cut it unceremoniously.

- Huang Hua, about this story, should you not have told me first, before handing this mission to Lance ? Why am I the last to know ? It's me that concerns, all the same !

- Because, whether you like it or not, he's the only one here who can take on this role. I didn't find it necessary to consult you beforehand because I knew that you would be against this idea, and I wanted to let you rest as long as possible.

- Obviously I was going to be against it ! Do I remind you that for me, this was all just a few days ago ?

- Andraste, my decision is made and as long as you do not prove to me that you are able to defend yourself, it will be so. We can't allow something to happen to you.

I ticked off that answer. Keeping me safe obviously didn't seem to be in my sole interest to her. What was she hiding from me ?

- I also have a question for you. Have you felt your aengel powers manifest since you woke up ?

Hesitantly, I tell her the truth all the same.

- No not right now.

- That is what I thought. I don't know if this has to do with your physical state of health or if something more psychological is blocking you, but it is still a point that we must emphasize.

- What are my powers of aengel doing in there?

Huang Hua looked at me for a long time.

- You do not realize the extent of your powers, my dear Andraste. Know that it is not trivial if it is you that the Oracle has chosen, and that your presence in this Crystal has most likely granted you new abilities. You are a very valuable asset of the Guard. But this power, as good as it is, is not necessarily viewed favorably by everyone. This is where the boys come in. In addition to your protection, I would like Lance and Leiftan to intervene in your training.

- My training ?

- Your powers seem to have fallen asleep for the moment, moreover, the leader of The Obsidian made me understand that your physical capacities in combat seemed much lower than at the time.

Lance, what a swelling.

- And what kind of training is it ? I inquired.

- Nothing too intense or complicated, don't worry. They will relegate only to help you train for combat and try to awaken your powers. As aengel too, Leiftan will surely be able to guide you for this last point and as for Lance, despite your completely understandable reluctance, he remains the most qualified to get you back in shape.

- And in that it's about my "security" ? I agree to train with him, but I don't need a bodyguard !

- It will be so as long as I deem it necessary, my orders will not change as to its subject.

Realizing that my word would have no weight in the balance, I capitulated bitterly.

- Alright, I guess if that's what you decided, it must probably be the best thing to do.

A thin smile appeared on the lips of the young Phoenix.

- I'm glad to see you accept my decision. If you have nothing more to add, I'll let you go.

Tired of this interview in which, I was not going to hide it from myself, I had not had my say, I crossed the door to leave the great room. I came across the dragon who looked at me silently for a moment. Seeming to want to say something to me, he opened his mouth when Huang Hua's voice sounded to tell him to come in too. No words finally crossed his lips before he left me alone in the hallway.

Hearing the door slam behind my back, I froze for a moment, staring into space.

Was it just me, or did Huang Hua not tell me everything ? Not understanding anything any more, I decided to go out for the air to put my ideas back in place.

HQ had changed dramatically since I remembered recently. It was clearly seen that prosperity had returned and that life had become easier here. Feeling my stomach growl, I finally visited Karuto in the hope that there was still something to eat despite the lunch hour well past. Fortunately for me, I was able to help myself abundantly and went to sit in a quiet corner of the room.

The room was still quite lively. Several groups of people chatted happily around their empty plates, which made me realize a fact that I had tried to ignore.

I didn't really have any entourage here anymore.

Certainly, Chrome, Karenn or even Jamon were still here, but when I was talking to them, I felt that many years had passed. Our relationships seemed different. I had missed too many things and that weight was crushing me a little more every time I interacted with them. But it was the right arm of Sparkling that hurt me the most. I didn't think I'd find a Nevra so distant and it broke my heart a little more each time.

I was also ashamed of this truth, but to be quite honest with myself, the only person I had felt with in the last few days was the one I should have despised the most. Lance was until now the only one who had not made me feel that I was a foreigner.

What was wrong with me...

Thinkingly nibbling on a piece of bread, thoughts light years away from what surrounded me, I was surprised to see a young man sitting in front of me. A smile to the ears overhanging with big brown eyes, his jovial air made me feel immediately.

- Hi !

I observed him, astonished. I was intrigued by something about him, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I answered him in the same tone.

- We haven't been introduced to you and me yet, but I've been dreaming of meeting you for a long time ! By the way, my name is Mathieu.

- Enchanted Mathieu, I'm Andraste.

I gave him a smile that was meant to be encouraging.

- You're cute. You introduce yourself when you are certainly the most famous person here, perhaps even as much as Huang Hua, that is to say.

I was scowling slightly.

- Oh, really ? You're exaggerating a little bit.

- No, no, really ! Finally, I wanted to meet you so I could finally talk with another human, I sometimes feel a little lost here.

I stared at him for several long seconds without saying anything. Did he really just say "another human", or had I dreamed ? My brain tilted so much that I wasn't surprised he heard himself.

- Wait, are you human ?!

Ok, maybe I said that sentence a little too loudly. And probably with a little too much gusto.

My interlocutor burst into a frank laugh at my reaction.

- We could not be more human !

- But how did you get here ? Has it been a while since you arrived in Eldarya ? Don't you miss Earth ?

- Oone question at a time please ! he asked me with a big smile. It's been about a year since I landed on Eldarya, probably the same way you did. So, there are some aspects of our world that I miss a bit, but to be quite frank, I've always dreamed of fantasy. At first it was complicated, but I don't leave much behind me. I always thought I wasn't cut out for such a bland life.

The more he spoke, the more my bewilderment widened. My god, it was a human !

- You can't imagine how amazing it is for me to talk to another human, I thought that would never happen again !

Mathieu's laugh and jovial jokes had finished relaxing me entirely. His presence totally invigorated me and I felt, for the first time in a long time, that I had found someone to talk to.

The days finally passed without being punctuated by a specific goal, which began to seriously hit me on the system. And to my surprise, Lance had shown so little after his interview with the young Phoenix that I thought he had changed his mind.

Until he showed up one fine morning in my room without any invitation.

With a sword I never knew in his hand, he casually threw it at my quilt as he opened my curtains energetically. Sitting on the end of my bed, he rested his arms on his knees while giving me a challenging look, his expression slightly cheerful.

- Come on, we have training ahead of us today.

(Chapter 5)

[andimlonely]

Your parents disapprove | Kokichi, Shuichi + Rantaro

Request: Hello! Hope you are doing well!! Could possibly request Kokichi, Shuichi, and Rantaro with a s/o who’s parents don’t like them(as in they don’t like the boys- because i feel like my wording is weird)

A/N: I wrote these as if the reader and the boys are college-aged, since it was harder to be creative with the scenarios with the characters being high school students. Also, requests are still open!

♡ Kokichi: 

- To be honest, you had dreaded bringing Kokichi to meet your parents. He’s a pretty boisterous person, and has a habit of stretching the truth. You can understand why people who don’t really know your boyfriend like you do would think differently of him, but the truth is, he never means any harm. It’s just.. difficult to prove that to people, including your parents.

- Normally, Kokichi isn’t very concerned with how others see him, at least not enough to change his behavior for them. But of course, because he cares about you, he tries his best to make a good impression on your parents. It’s just, he maybe takes it too far sometimes.

- He’s tried complimenting your dad on his cooking. “Woah, this steak is the best I’ve ever had, Mr. (l/n)! Much better than anything my folks make anyway, nehehe.”

- And asking your mom about her job.. “That’s super interesting, Mrs. (l/n)~ No wonder (y/n) looks up to you so much.”

- And even lying about his hobbies and interests just to impress them. “Yup, I read about psychology and physics all the time! I wouldn’t call myself an expert, but, y’know.”

- .. among other things. But it always ends the same; despite his best efforts, Kokichi rubs your parents the wrong way.

- Your parents find him disingenuous, and well, to be fair, they aren’t fully wrong. But his disingenuousness stems from a desire to get on their good side, not hide how awful they believe he must secretly be.

- “I just don’t trust Kokichi.” “I don’t like that he isn’t close to his family, that’s a bad sign.” “You could be doing so much better, (y/n). Kokichi needs to grow up some more before he ever deserves you.”

- You try to talk to your parents about how coldly they treat your boyfriend, and how they aren’t trying very hard, if at all, to get to know him. 

- You reassure Kokichi that he doesn’t need to lie or play up his charisma to make a good impression, but he isn’t so convinced, and moreover, he’s too stubborn to let up.

- So when you tell him he doesn’t need to come to your family functions if he’s uncomfortable, he waves your idea off and tags along anyway.

- You reach your breaking point when you catch your parents threatening Kokichi at the door when he drops by for a surprise visit to you, telling him he should leave and never see you again, that he doesn’t deserve you.

- You stop them and come to your boyfriend’s defense, and finally tell them this: “If you can’t accept Kokichi and my love for him, then fine. You don’t have to see him anymore, but you’re not going to see me anymore either.”

♡ Shuichi: 

- You and Shuichi were equally nervous the first time you planned to introduce him to your parents, but in an attempt to make it easier on yourselves, you convinced Shuichi that you were positive that they would love him.

- After all, why should you be worried? Shuichi is polite, kind, intelligent, and has a well-paying, steady job. There’s nothing more a rational parent could want.

- But you neglected to remember, your parents aren’t very rational.

- They find him too quiet, not expressive enough. They take his shyness for disdain, and make assumptions about why he’s so quiet.

- “It’s just strange. He doesn’t really say anything unless we talk to him first. How do we know he isn’t judging us?” “He seems off. He’s too serious, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking.” “Don’t you want a man that’s more confident and assertive?”

- They mostly save their comments to tell you behind his back, but they’ll be passively critical in his presence or try to play it off as if they’re only joking. “Shuichi, speak up! You’re so quiet I forget you’re there.” “Oh don’t be so serious, I’m only teasing.”

- Even when he offers to help with the dishes, or brings flowers or some other gift for no particular reason, your parents aren’t fond of him

- Despite your constant reassurance that your parents are wrong, and that Shuichi is the most wonderful person you could ever hope to be with, you can see that their hurtful criticisms and comments are really getting to him, so you stop bringing him to family functions.

- But this only prompts more criticism from your parents. “Why doesn’t he come anymore?” “Is he too good for us? He doesn’t like us?”

- This is where you finally put on a brave face and stand up to your parents. “I’m not going to bring him until you treat him with respect. I love Shuichi, and if that doesn’t matter to you, then you have no right to know anything about us.” 

♡ Rantaro: 

- You weren’t sure what to expect when introducing Rantaro to your parents. You didn’t think they would love him immediately, but you were fairly certain that he’d make a good impression. Rantaro is quite charismatic, after all.

- Then again, your parents have always been strict about dating. You weren’t allowed to date until you were 17, and even then you were only given the ‘privilege’ of dating after fighting to convince them.

- So you should have seen it coming when they were openly skeptical of his intentions with you.

- Most of their judgments stem from your boyfriend’s appearance and style. 

- “You can’t trust pretty boys, (y/n). They only want one thing from you.” “Isn’t he too girly? He paints his nails and wears makeup.”

- But there’s something they dislike even more. Before Rantaro, they could tell you anything - whether it be criticism for harmless things or comparisons to family members you should be more like - and you would rarely make any attempt to talk back about it.

- But now that Rantaro is around, when he hears the things they say, he always cuts in to defend you. So when your dad says, “(y/n), aren’t you eating too much? You don’t want to gain weight, do you?” 

- “You eat as much as you want, sweetie. The food’s good, don’t want it to go to waste, do we?,” he’ll remark encouragingly. 

- What’s worse is that even in his absence, you’ve started standing up for yourself more. It’s no doubt due to Rantaro’s boosting your self esteem  influence that you’ve become so ‘defiant’.

- “That’s it. We don’t want you seeing him anymore. Rantaro is a bad influence for you.”

- Because you live at home with your parents still, you have to take their complaint seriously, but it doesn’t stop you from sneaking out and shutting your parents out in the process.

- Eventually your boyfriend invites you to move in with him, and you secretly pack your things over a series of nights until you’re finished and move out while they’re out of the house. You only leave a note behind as your goodbye: “I’m moving in with Rantaro. I’m finally going to live with someone who treats me with respect, so don’t try to come looking for me. I love you, but I can’t live with people who make me feel so terrible anymore. - (y/n)”

[delusion-of-negation]

top 10 (ish) ridiculous or annoying FAQs:

(click at your own discretion)

1) "kids today rely on others to do everything"

ah yes, damn those participation trophies! if it wasn't for them my hands wouldn't be fucked, and I wouldn't need people to write for me. but seriously, stop reading boomer comics, and go outside to meet some actual young people.

2) "sus that a non-american says mom"

yeah, because it's clearly the superior version, and I'm not too patriotic to concede a defeat.

3) "sweaty, the victims of abuse by catholics are real people, stop appropriating their pain just because you want to hate catholics; plus teachers abuse people just as often anyway"

so firstly, I don't hate anybody. and secondly, regarding the fact that victims really do exist, [insert "of course I know him, he's me" meme here]; although I don't often talk much about the abuse I went through or what my religious beliefs are. but, more importantly, statements like "survivors are people" can be phrased like "some people are survivors", and when you're unable to act according to the latter (like when you don't even consider that somebody might be one) then you display a failure to recognise the former - you're projecting; a survivor can't be appropriating their own pain, but you can be appropriating it to silence one. and thirdly, teachers do abuse - the problem isn't and has never been purely religion, rather that abuse is often done by somebody in a position of trust, power, and familiarity; and that the lack of a global minimum enables totally legal abuse on top of the illegal stuff. people with access and respect have more opportunity to abuse than those without, and that goes for teachers too. but, once again, you can be appropriating the pain of survivors to deflect and silence people. please remember this before you say that shit.

4) "get help/therapy"

way ahead of you - years ahead of you. but it's not magic - people who say this often act as if you'll start behaving differently overnight. not only are some things simply beyond the ability of talking therapy to completely rectify, it also takes time and has to be selective. you've got to pick your priorities, and that's definitely not whatever ship or joke you're mad at me about today. therapy is a slow, arduous process that can't guarantee results - it isn't "anti-recovery" to recognise that, it's honesty. while I've been in therapy for a long time, it is not necessarily going to change whatever you don't like about me - whether that's because it can't, because my focus now is on more important or urgent things, or because I don't want to change that.

5a) "tell your family you ship incest, see how that goes; normal people find it disgusting"

actually, some know, and they're fine with it. in fact, one prefers sibling pairings in fiction to all other dynamics because, to paraphrase, "it's a deeper level of messed up co-dependence". so unfortunately for you, my remaining family (by which I mean those not dead or cut out of my life after abuse and so forth) actually are able to distinguish between fiction and reality. plus, my reasoning for caring if they find it gross or not pertains only to recommending books and such - their opinions do not dictate my tastes.

5b) "don't sexualise/appropriate incestuous abuse" and "I bet you enjoyed being raped" and other attempts to upset me over 5a

firstly, as I've already said here, survivors can't be appropriating ourselves. in addition, you're not owed people's history or trauma - it's not okay to require people's personal information, or else you'll send anon hate and accusations of appropriation. secondly, I'm not sexualising our abuse (not just because I write horror, and so a lot of my writing is intended to be creepy, not sexy); these stories aren't about us, they're not us at all. entire dynamics/people (fictional or otherwise) aren't all going to be applicable to us or identical to us, just because they have something in common with us; they're not us and they're not accountable to us. thirdly, the fact that people send this stuff (attempting to trigger people's trauma over ships) is so much more worrying to me than somebody making our communal imaginary friends kiss. you're trying to hurt people. and finally, to the "I bet you enjoyed it" crowd (if you're at all serious): do you think you'd enjoy being in a real zombie apocalypse, alone, afraid, and really at risk of being eaten alive? a fictional scenario does not feel remotely the same as a real one. this isn't rocket science - things that look like you aren't you; fiction isn't reality; don't send anon hate. (edit: comparable "just leave me alone, I'm not hurting anyone" sentiments for yandere stuff, and anything else you decide I'm naughty for.)

6) "you'll be sent off to do manual labour once your communist revolution happens"

while I don't know why people think that I'm a communist, a dictatorial regime probably isn't going to want me to do manual labour. they're more likely to just shoot me; I'm useless and a liability. call me crazy, but something tells me that "ah yes, we shall give ze deranged cripple ze power tools" isn't the communist position.

7a) "they/them can't be singular pronouns"

yes they can, and they're used as such in both shakespeare and the bible. but you don't have to say this - I'm also okay with he/him, so you could've just used those and chilled out. also, do I look like somebody who views the rules of grammar as fully immutable and imperative?

7b) "enbies/aros/pan/etc aren't valid"

do you really think that you're going to change any hearts or minds by putting that in my ask box or under my funny maymays? chill out, it's not worth the effort - you could be planning a party (in minecraft) and having fun instead. it isn't worth my time to rant at everybody who's saying something isn't valid, updating how I'm explaining it as my opinions grow and general discourse around it evolves; I'm just who I am, somebody else is who they are - why bicker in presumptuous ways about if that's enough? it ultimately is valid, in my opinion, but that isn't an invitation to keep demanding that I debate. (edit: old posts of mine probably don't phrase things incredibly, on this or anything... I tried.)

8) "what are your politics?"

my politics are informed first and foremost by the knowledge that I'm not cut out to be some kind of leader - I don't want to be the guy who tells everyone else what to do, I just offer what seem to me like valid criticisms of how we are doing things now, and general pointers on the values and ethics that I would prefer to move towards. things like individual freedom, taking the most pacifist route where possible, trying not to give excessive power to small groups of people (governments or corporations), helping those in need even when they're not palatable, and letting me suck loads of dicks. but please refrain from decreeing me something - there's not enough information in what I said, so you'll just be filling in the blanks with assumptions. (edit: workplace democracy seems cool to me; benefits are good; fair fines and taxes; and the "sperm makes you loopy" saga: 1, 2, 3, and 4.)

9) "you're a narcissist"

no, I don't meet the diagnostic criteria. joking on the internet that you're hot doesn't make a person a narcissist. the fact that I've chosen to keep my actual self-esteem issues to myself is not proof that they don't exist - you're just not entitled to that information about me. but it's also not narcissism to really like how you look. (edit: don't throw labels around carelessly too.)

10a) "kin list?"

the fabric of the universe, a zombie, dionysus, maned wolf/arctic fox hybrid, a comedian, big gay, big rock, ambiguously partial insincerity. (edit: kin list may or may not be incomplete.)

10b) "kin isn't valid/that's just being insane"

haven't we established that I'm deranged, and that sending stuff like this on anon is simply a waste of your precious time? besides, I do not care if it's invalid or insane - it's fun, I'm happy. (edit: see 7b for my opinion on sending me yet another ask with "that's invalid" in it; I'm not in the mood to discuss the nature of validity.)

bonus: "it gets better" and "trigger list?"

as I've said before, things just don't always get better for everyone - sometimes things can't be cured or even treated, sometimes they kill you; in some cases it could get better if not for a blockade or lack of time. the world is messy. it needs to be more normalised to reassure or comfort people without relying on saying that their issue will get better or be cured. it does suck to be this ill, but it also sucks to be made out to be a lazy pessimist, just because I have the audacity to not play along. and as for the trigger list, I don't like providing people with an easily accessed list of ways to hurt my feelings or harm me - upsetting me is supposed to be challenging, and thus rewarding. if you want a cheat sheet then you're out of luck, I'm afraid.

bonus #2: "FAQ stands for frequently asked questions, it doesn't need that s at the end!"

yeah, I know, I just enjoy chaos and disarray.

bonus #3 (edit): "what are your disabilities and how exactly are they incurable and/or deadly?"

again, I don't tell the internet everything about me, especially when it poses a risk, especially not as an easily accessible list for you to refer back to whenever you feel inclined to hurt my feelings. that is understandably a sore subject. (edit: that includes physical health issues btw.)

bonus #4 (edit): "so we shouldn't be critical?"

if it wasn't clear from my answer about politics or my post in general, you can have opinions about things, and you can voice that. it's just not realistic to exist at extremes: to think that you alone should dictate what exists in fiction, or to think that people shouldn't be expressing disdain or criticism of any calibur. say how you feel about things, that's fine, but it's also fine if people find that they don't value your input. plus we're all flawed, we can all be hypocritical from time to time, we all get bitchy, and we all make mistakes, or even knowingly fuck things up. that's important to keep in mind, whether we're talking about the one being criticised or the one doing the criticising - poor choices of words, imperfect tone, or contradictory ideas are inevitably going to happen occasionally.

congrats on reaching the end! if you have, at any point, said one of these to me, you owe a hug to your nearest loved one (once it's safe).

edit: might add more links/bonus points in the future when I think of things, but it's late now. (sorry for links where prior notes in the thread have my old url, that may get a tad confusing; also, not all links are my blog or my op, since it is to illustrate points/vibes, not to self-promo.)

[fairycosmos]

chloe what do you do when you feel really suicidal? but like not like before- but NOW that you are grieving such a painful loss? dont need to answer but i read your a. to the anon that felt trapped and like they couldnt leave now bc their sibling died too and like you and that anon i feel the same. im so so suicidal chloe. i cry every day and night and i feel despertate but my parents just lost their child so. how do you cope... as much as its possible. what do we do? fuck.

dude i am so sorry you're in the same position as me and you are going to hate me for saying it but there is no satisfactory answer 😔 it's a cruel joke. we're in the worst pain we've ever been in, and our instinct is to want to make that stop. but we can't because now we're obligated to stay alive, where all the hurt is, because we're one of the only ones left. and we dont want to cause more of this feeling by ending it all. it's like a contract you didn't agree to and are now trapped in for the foreseeable. grief is the absolute heaviest thing a person can carry, it's a fucking nightmare. it doesn't make any sense, it doesn't have a cure and it's disorienting as fuck. it's ok to be exhausted by it. reality has been irreparably  worsened and it's an absolute tragedy,  it's completely unfair. personally i'm more suicidal than i've ever been, but like you, i know i'm not going to do anything.  and in moments of great pain, where i want to act on those thoughts, i find myself coming back to that fact. i watch the idea of suicide run its course through my head and then i acknowledge the reality of things, that i can't leave. that it doesn't matter how sad i am and how tired i am, because i'm still here, and processing these emotions is a part of that. the urge to kill myself is there, but the actual act of suicide has never been less of an option than it is right now. so i can feel whatever i need to feel, but there's no point leaning into it or daydreaming about it. because it's not going to happen. sometimes i'm screaming and crying to myself in absolute agony while this is all going on, and sometimes i'm just sitting staring at my phone, numb. the desperation is very real, and i understand that. but it is not as urgent as it feels in the moment. no matter how many times i think i'm at my limit, i know that there's going to be tomorrow. and at the moment that sounds like a really bad thing. but i know that by waking up my parents aren't getting a call saying i'm dead, which for now is kind of the whole point. i am living to minimize their trauma, i am living for them, and an optimist would have hope that that could keep me alive long enough until i get to the point where i can eventually live for myself again. i could definitely see that for your future, even if you can't. the thing is you don't have to know what to do and you dont have to look for ways to fill the void that has been left behind by your sibling. you just have to learn to exist alongside it, and i do mean just exist. as awful as it is. waking up, putting one foot in front of the other, crying and crying and crying. that is good enough. i know it doesn't feel like much of a life, but. it's the short term answer, or so it seems to me. another thing i remind myself of is how it all comes in waves. waves are the nature of both grief, and strong suicidal urges. maybe they're always running in the background, but the moments of pure despair where you feel like you're bursting at the seams, they're so strong and harsh that they flare out faster than you realize. and they feel unbearable, and i know those moments are very frequent when you're in our position, but it's good to remember that the intensity of their nature makes them temporary.  especially if the grief is fresh, every little thing triggers an avalanche of hopelessness.  but some part of me believes these experiences will either a. become less persistent with time or b. become a part of us we learn how to navigate.  at the moment, the simple act of being completely broken by these episodes means you're surviving them. i think it's not a matter of knowing how to cope, but knowing that if you're here to ask these questions - what do i do, how do i go on, etc - then that is proof you have been coping. and it probably doesn't feel like you have been. i think there's a common misconception that coping is thriving, letting go, having positive memories. and sure that's a part of it. but there is a lot of darkness and absolute horror to work through before that. additionally,  there is no rule book on how exactly to work through it. theres just time, experience, learning what works for you and hanging on. i'm trying to hold my own hand through it, i'm trying to look at the present moment i'm in and just think about what i need at that very second.  not what i'm going to do tomorrow, not what i should've done yesterday, but what i have to do right now to make it through.  a lot of the time the answer is nothing, and i just sit and stare or cry, because like i said, ultimately nothing can fix it. theres no epiphany that can change what happened. 

as far as practical things you can to do combat suicidal thoughts goes, i have a few suggestions that i really hope you consider as viable choices: talk to your doctor/therapist - idk where you live or what your financial situation is like, but if it's at all an option i would really urge you to seek professional help. at least let your GP know what you're dealing with so maybe they can refer you to a therapist, or give you some mental health resources. grief counselling is also a step in the right direction. having someone to talk to and implementing positive coping mechanisms into your day to day life, even if it's the last thing on earth you want to do, can work wonders. understanding your own suicidal thoughts, why you react the way you do and what you can do about it, can really come in handy when you're breaking down. it's ok to reach out. it's ok to visit different counsellors until you find one that fits you. it's ok to treat your emotional turmoil as seriously as you'd treat any physical disease. there is always support and treatment options available in some form, and it is always worth looking into.

call a (grief or suicide) hotline - i've had the hotline number open in my browser for days. if you are in a moment of crisis, it can absolutely help to have someone talk you through your emotions, listen to your pain, and then give you some gentle recommendations as to what you should do next or where to go from here. you don't have to tell them your name, you don't have to say anything you don't want to say. you're in control of the call and they care about keeping you going. you're not alone. theres also online grief support groups - i'm in a sibling loss group on fb.  it's absolutely crazy how many people are in this position. 

talk to your parents/family/friends - i know saying 'this is a tough one' is a giant understatement.  idk if it's the same for you, but i've been isolating to cope and i don't want to tell anyone what i'm thinking because they're already having such a hard time grieving my sister. but if there's anyone you trust, i just want you to know it's alright to lean on them. it's up to you how much you open up, but the urge to keep to yourself leads nowhere. those around you can relate (to an extent) with your grief, and sharing it, talking about memories and crying together - it's fucking awful, god it's the worst thing ever, but it's necessary. and i don't want to say it helps, but a shared burden is always better than trying to shoulder it alone. you deserve to be listened to and supported. and if you think you're being an inconvenience to your loved ones, that's your inner self hatred talking. they would likely rather be there for you when you need it, than have you harm yourself because you kept it all pent up. it's a lot easier said than done, but it's important to keep in mind that it's an option.

try to create a safe space - try to remove things from your living space you could use to harm yourself with, and make the environment as comforting as possible. refer back to safe coping mechanisms/ distractions that have worked in the past - this can be as simple as going for a walk, watching stupid shit on your phone, meditation, having a crying session, writing to your sibling or just about how you feel in general. these are not suggestions that will solve anything or cure mental illness by any stretch of the imagination.  they just get you out of your head. that can really make a difference. 

create a crisis plan and learn what triggers you - this is a bit of a process but that's alright. being able to identify what sets you off, and being able to recognize your own toxic thinking patterns/behaviours, is the first step towards combatting them. another idea is, if you do end up talking to a loved one or a mental health professional, come up with a plan with them regarding what they should do when you're suicidal and your judgement is impaired. you can even start by just making one for yourself, like writing down a few suggestions as to what you should do when you're in a crisis, what your other options besides suicide are. 

i think that's all i've got right now. i'm sorry this got so long, especially when i know nothing truly helps. i just know what it's like having all this useless life in front of you that you're going to have to fight through without the one person who always should've been there. i keep thinking about what she'd say to me if she could see me, and i know she'd be livid if i threw my life away, but. that doesn't change the fact that she didn't get to live hers, and that i miss her so so much it aches. i keep coming back to the idea that our relationship will continue to grow beyond  death. i can still talk to her, reminisce  with her, understand her, love her. so much of this reality was shaped by her. it's not the same as when she was here, but it's not total absence  either.  anyway, i'm so so sorry for your loss and i hope you can just focus on taking care of yourself, love. because your life still has so much worth and you deserve to see your own future even if you cant stand the thought. moments of happiness and peace are still 100% possible. it's just never going to feel like it did before. and it's ok if you spend the rest of your life struggling to come to terms with that fact, because at least you got to live the rest of your life. i'm sending so much love to you and i'll be here if you need a friend. one day at a time.

*no pressure to read all this you can just refer back to it whenever you feel the need

[thejustmaiden]

Fiction and Real Life Go Hand In Hand

This blog goes out to all those pro-Sessrin fans out there who refuse to acknowledge the very real effects fiction can have on our world and vice versa. I highly encourage other Inuyasha fans who defend/enable these shippers to read this, as well. I assure you, by no means are my intentions here to stir up trouble. Honestly, I just want some good healthy discourse for once if that’s not too much to ask. If you do decide to engage, please be mindful of that and treat others with respect and I will do the same in return. All in all, the goal of this blog is to exercise my right to speak out and be critical about content I believe to have very potentially detrimental repercussions. I ask that you not attack me or insult me simply for stating an opinion. Thank you! 

It’s like the title says, meaning fiction does matter. Where do you think we get ideas for all the stories we tell? Where do we draw inspiration from in the first place?

Real life, that's where! And yes, always with a touch of imagination! Long story short: fiction matters because real life does.

Allow me to elaborate.

Shippers of the Sesshomaru x Rin (Sessrin) pairing say it's not fair of us to throw around serious accusations or use certain deragatory terms that suggest such awful acts like child grooming or pedophilia because of the harmful implications. One of their reasonings being that some people IRL have actually lived through these traumas, so we shouldn't dare to assume they're comparable since one is just fiction and the other is not. But this isn’t about which is worse than the other, because they’re both super problematic. All we’re literally doing is making a link between grooming in real life and grooming in fiction. They mirror each other. Same issue; different mediums. We’re not undermining any one’s past experiences with grooming or the like, nor are we prioritizing fiction to diminish real life abuse. They’re both awful in numerous ways and that’s all we’re trying to say. In fact, if anything we’re attempting to demonstrate just how crucial this correlation is between them. In order to protect past victims and prevent future ones, we must remain vigiliant of the content we consume, and yes, sometimes that means we have to challenge it too. Just because it’s widely-viewed does not make it widely-accepted or well-received. It is paramount that we educate ourselves on how to be more critical of some of the harmful tropes and images that are still way too prevalent in mainstream media. Sexualizing young and pre-pubescent girls is way more normalized than some of us even realize. It’s sad but true that Sessrin is just one of many examples. I know it feels like society has failed us in a lot of ways, but it’s never too late to re-evaluate and re-learn better and more improved ways of viewing and processing information presented to us.

Our mission: Let’s not show our kids that grooming or any other form of abuse are acceptable if they may ever come to experience or encounter it themselves. Be it the real world or on screen. Deal? 

There have been a number of occasions where real life victims do speak up against the Sessrin ship and express how extremely uncomfortable it makes them feel by what it represents. The problem is that it’s becoming more evident now that many of their fans will dismiss anything purely on the basis that we pose a threat to their ship and nothing more. What it comes down to is they have no real leg to stand on and cannot possibly top any of what we have to say so instead they simply disregard it. Our inconvenient truths don't fit into their ideal *cough* OOC *cough* narrative so they just choose to be willfully ignorant. It conflicts with their fantasy, so rather than present a sound argument of their own, they flat-out reject it and offer no plausible back-up behind their reasoning besides "I don't interpret it that way." GUYS, CHILD GROOMING IS NOT UP FOR INTERPRETATION.

Just because you so desperately want your ship to come true does not mean you can up and decide to redefine a word so that it caters to your stance. Remind yourself that these are complex AND objective terms that we have no right to fiddle with to serve our own selfish purposes. This is why we can conclude that there's no debate about Sesshomaru's actions towards Rin embodying child grooming.

I apologize if any of my words are triggering by the way, so please feel free to take a break and return later if that’s more suitable for you. it's just really important that everyone in this fandom comprehends the extent in which Sessrin going canon is catastrophic. And no, I'm not exaggerating; I'm simply speaking the truth. Shippers justifying these horrible acts- yes, even in fiction- is usually due to the stubborn refusal to hear us out. No offense to anyone (just stating facts), but more times than not antis like myself feel as if we’re talking to a brick wall when we interact with Sessrin peeps. They go in circles and never expand on their perspectives. 

Just a head’s up: THIS GETS LONG. Stick with me. :p

Just look at their take on the Inukag vs. Sessrin relationships for example. This isn't a question of age gaps, this is a question of physical/emotional compatibility. Inukag are the same age mentally wise regardless of one being demon and the other not, whereas Sessrin is not and never will be, and yes, even once she's an adult. The thing is we have debunked this time and time again, because they’re not the same and therefore not comparable, but for some reason these fans won’t drop it. Nothing has changed in their argument, yet they’re persistent in bringing it up. I choose to not go into more detail, since like I said, you can find it around everywhere. I just wanted to touch upon it briefly to prove a point. Maybe it will come up again later in my blog though! 

Where was I earlier? Right, child grooming! Haven't you guys realized that what you’re doing is precisely what child groomers do to make excuses or deny any grooming took place at all? (FYI: I’m not accusing you of being child groomers yourselves.) “They reciprocated so the feelings are mutual" is a typical groomer response, but of course it varies. More often than not, victims of grooming aren't even aware they've been groomed until much later. That's how manipulative groomers are that they can legitmately convince you that maybe you're wrong in questioning their motives. Perhaps in the victim’s mind that because one huge indicator of grooming never actually took place it technically cannot constitute as grooming. They start to doubt themselves even though their intuition is telling them something’s off. They should just ignore it then since it can’t possibly be grooming if that one particular thing never happened, right? Wrong, grooming isn’t strictly this or strictly that. It's much more complicated and multi-faceted. This is why the “but Sesshomaru left Rin in the village” point upsets me greatly. HE WAS STILL INVOLVED IN HER LIFE, Y’ALL.  

On top of that, are you aware that this is the exact same kind of predatory mindset pedophiles use to describe their infatuation with children? They'll say things like, "I don't see them as an adult and a child. I see them as two people with a soul connection." Okay no joke, I wish I was lying, but that is literally a point one pro-sessrin fan on here recently used to defend this ship. It both astounds me and terrifies me that they don't see the glaring similarities they share in common with actual pedos.

Alright, I want to quickly return to what I was saying earlier about fiction's impact on real life. (Sorry, I’m a bit of a scatterbrain!)

The characters and their worlds in our stories that we dream up and bring to life are nothing short of awe-inspiring and magnificent if we so choose them to be. If it wasn't for our imaginations, stories like Inuyasha would have never come to exist. Fiction provides us an amazing outlet where we are given the opportunity to express ourselves and explore its infinite creative possibilities.

But strip away all the demons and magical components of this show we all love so dearly and what are we left with?

At the very core, Inuyasha is a story that's very reminiscent of the human experience: love, camaraderie, a sense of purpose, and much more!

So perhaps we got a full-fledged dog demon like Sesshomaru, but does that necessarily mean we can't relate to him or understand him simply because dog demons don't exist in the real world? Well, I hope that's not how you view it or else you're missing the whole point of why humans create stories to begin with. We create them to make better sense of and thus connect with the world we live in. And when you really think about it, our stories are just a celebration of life- both our struggles and our triumphs. Now I'm no philosophy professor, but I'm pretty sure they'd say I hit that nail right smack on the head. ;)

All shitty jokes aside, the whole reason I’m mentioning this specific example in the first place is because this recently came up with another Sessrin supporter. That supporter tried to defend the ship by stating that we aren't allowed to use Sesshomaru as an example to judge by since his kind don't exist in the real world.

Now if it isn't evident already, this "it's just fiction" argument is a popular go-to stance many Sessrin fans will resort to once they've run out of ideas and are metaphorically backed into a corner. The funny/sad thing is that they seem to sincerely believe this is strong enough evidence to defend their ship with, but per usual, they fail to see how hypocritical that would be. I’ll clarify soon down below. 

Seriously, since when did we decide that fantasy- or any story genre for that matter- stopped reflecting the real world we live in? I mean, we humans are the ones writing these stories. Our human influence is bound to make an impact in some capacity. In fact, we want it to!

Obviously none of us have ever met a dog demon like Sesshomaru, because how could we? Let me tell ya, this is gaslighting at its finest! This is a fictional story with fantasy elements, so of course there will be beings and creatures in their world that don't exist in our own. Does that somehow translate to the fact that nothing from the story of Inuyasha can be applied to our own personal stories or that there aren't meaningful messages to be taught and learned?

So on the flipside, if they're not screaming at us "it's just fiction" for the hundred billionth time, then they are, believe it or not, doing the reverse and comparing it to real world history. One instance of this is how they tell us we're making a big deal about something that isn't real, but go right ahead and use the history of feudal Japan to support Sesshomaru's decision to court (aka GROOM) a young girl because that's how it was done back then. And so, your point being?? It wasn't right then just because it was legal, and it's most certainly not right now. This is how all of their arguments go by the way, where you'll constantly witness a cherry-picking approach. It's agonizing to endure contradiction after contradiction in their arguments filled with nothing but holes in their logic.

I'd just like to add that if we're overreacting to this fictional ship like they love to say we are then technically so are they. They tell us things like "grow up" or "nobody is telling you to keep watching," yet fail to realize they're reacting just as fervently as we are but just on the opposing side of the same damn argument. I find it interesting how they're as invested in this show but pretend they aren't then STILL have the audacity to say it's only us who care this much!? So thank you Sessrin shippers for further proving our point that fiction is more than capable of affecting reality and the people- YES, US- who reside in it.

It's insane that people act like pedophiles and other creeps don't enjoy entertainment too like the rest of us. Believe it or not, they look just like you and me most of the time. Yes, that means they can easily pass as a “regular guy” if they so wished to. My question to you is how do you think pedophiles will take it when they discover others- underage fans more specifically- who dig the same kinda media they get off to? Maybe not in the exact same way, mind you, but there's a thin line between them when you really think about it. I mean, what other explanation is there for why literal pedos on the internet have been known to sneak into pro-sessrin group chats here on Tumblr before? (Thankfully, they were later kicked.) I know that for a fact! It's almost as if the universe is trying to tell them something they refuse to listen to elsewhere. Hhmmm I wonder what that may be. 

I imagine it’s possibly one of the hardest things to admit out loud and to themselves, but I can almost guarantee you that most of these Sessrin shippers who are victims of CSA and who still see no issue with Sessrin must be living with some sort of unresolved trauma caused by the very abuse they claimed to have undergone. It's been proven that victims who do not seek or properly receive the help and treatment they need in order to address and live with a traumatic experience such as this are more likely to perpetuate that very same abuse themselves in some way, shape or form. What if in this case fiction is enough for them, but who's to say it won’t eventually manifest itself in other more dire and far-reaching ways? It's not like we haven't seen this vicious cycle before, and I can promise you that Sessrin won't be the last. LET'S STOP NORMALIZING & GLORIFYING THE ROMANTIZATION & SEXUALIZATION OF CHILDREN. Fictional example: Usagi Drop. Need I say more? Real world example: Woody Allen. Again, need I say more?

Bottom line is that Sessrin shippers don't want us to think too critically about this ship of theirs, because if we dig too deep then they're forced to face the very troubling implications this pairing really stands for. Of course they'll never admit to them, because instead they rather double down and grasp at the same old straws as long as it means their precious ship is protected at all costs. Screw everyone else if that's what it takes, because they'll threaten to burn down legit buildings in real life if that ensures Sessrin goes canon! (True story, this happened on Twitter.) They’ll taunt and bully anyone who disagrees. Even if all you literally say is that you don’t like the ship, they’ll gang up on you. Tell them about your past experience with being groomed? They’ll laugh in your face. I wish I was kidding, but I assure you I am not.  And they say we're ridiculous and taking this way too seriously? Yeah...

The typical behavior of a Sessrin shipper demonstrates an overly aggressive front since they're usually on defense mode anyway. They only want to ship their sick ship in peace in other words. But just because neo-nazis have a right to spew their bigoted ideology, doesn't mean we don't got the right to punch them! Freedom of speech doesn't equate to freedom from consequences. And Sessrin shippers wonder why they got so many haters. Just sayin'.

Their presence on other platforms like Twitter and Reddit are some examples of how delusional and unstable some Sessrin fans are capable of becoming. Even recently, an anon here on Tumblr sent Richard Ian Cox (English VA for Inuyasha) a totally uncalled for ask telling him that "sessrin is love and there's nothing he can do about it." (That's not verbatim, but if you're interested I'll link you to it.) It appears they discovered that he didn't like Sessrin based on how he had been replying to asks, and just for that reason alone they thought they had the right to harass him. For simply stating his opinion, y'all. They didn't even have the decency to show their face either. Talk about immature and cowardly! 

Just yesterday (or was it the day before?) a fanatic Sessrin user on Tumblr- who’s also been known for hateful remarks on Twitter but those tweets have of course been deleted since then- went out of their way to not only lurk in a group chat they don’t belong to on here but to then proceed to harass a few of us in there. They had the guts to take screenshots from that group chat, tag us in posts on their page regarding what they read in there, and without our knowledge or permission went ahead and actually blogged them?? I mean, who calls out people behind their backs while they're just minding their own business?? It worries me how unhinged and out of touch with reality some Sessriners are. Not all of them, but a whole lot of them. 

It seems all they are doing is looking for trouble, as they just can't stand how much we hate this ship. So it's more than okay if they love on their ship but it's not okay if we don't and we should just keep our mouths shut. But since when do Sessrin fans have authority over our opinions? Even if they were officially canon, nothing is ever gonna change our opinion. Now when they actually do decide to participate in discourse with antis, you'll see them fishing for excuses to bow out. How they normally go about this is by fabricating a way to blame us antis for their exiting a conversation as if we're being the irrational ones here.

There’s no denying that some antis can also be overly blunt or aggressive (nobody is saying we’re perfect here), but speaking for myself, I know I would never make such nasty comments about other fans and their personal lives. And honestly? It would make me feel like shit talking bad about someone I don't actually know. Nah, I won't stoop to that level or give haters that satisfaction. I may not attack them as people, but that doesn't mean I can't attack some of their messed up ideas that threaten to distort how we should or shouldn’t perceive certain dangerous situations and events. Seeing as how for me this is more than just a matter of opinion- it's a moral responsibility and even an obligation.

I know it's difficult to remain civil when things get heated and people start taking things personally- yet more proof that fiction impacts our lives- but that's the only way any of us will ever have constructive discussions about serious topics like this. Unfortunately, Sessrin shippers, from what I can tell, are incapable of engaging in real discourse for the most part. They may be vocal but that doesn't mean they can pack a punch. I’d really love to be proven wrong someday.

Okay, moving on! If they're not involved in some big-time gaslighting then they're using their infamous strawman argument approach.

Sessrin fans’ sole purpose isn't really to defend their ship, per se, but rather to deflect and antagonize. They like to mislead in order to shift the focus/blame onto their opponent or something else that's not related so that they can stray from the main point. 

Take the drama CD for example. It's officially NOT considered canon, right? But that hasn't stopped many fans from referencing it anyway so let’s too consider it for a moment. The point is that they use its "existence" whenever convenient then deny it or downplay it whenever it’s not. So on one hand, it's plain as day that they celebrate it as proof of a romantic future for Sessrin. But then later once we point out to them that Sesshomaru is essentially confessing to Rin that he will wait for her until she's of age, they'll brush it off and quickly add that they didn't interpret the scene that way and leave it at that. I mean how else would you interpret it? And if it's not a proposal of sorts then why exactly are you bouncing off the walls about it to begin with?? If that's all it means is nothing then why are we even talking about this?! You see what I mean here??! And somehow we're the crazy ones? 

Let me to be frank with you. If you haven’t listened to it already, this proposal he offered her sounded like a declaration of love in a multitude of ways, which is wildly inappropriate since Rin was only 12 at the time. Signifying that Sesshomaru was/is indeed grooming her. Well, that is if you choose to recognize the drama CD. Nevertheless, whether you do or not, I personally hate that this non-canon satire is even associated with the Inuyasha name to begin with. Ugh. 

Intentional or not, Sesshomaru made a deliberate decision in that moment to tell a little girl- and not just any little girl mind you but a girl he's taken in under his care for a good year- that he would wait for her if she so chooses once she's old enough. 

The issue is that it isn’t only age of consent we’re concerned about regarding this pairing. What Sessriners fail to see is that this grown male authority- her vassal, her guardian, her adoptive father, or whatever you wanna refer to him as- is basically making a move on this girl he had in his company for quite some time. There's no sugarcoating that. Us antis call it how it is, and I'm sure as fucking day other people who don't watch the show would most certainly agree that the Sesshomaru/Rin bond is filial. Set aside those rose-tinted glasses of yours, and going by everything we’ve been delivered in the manga and parts of the anime (and NOT the drama cd), there are literally no hints that indicate a blossoming romance between this adult male demon and this small human girl he’s taken under his wing. You can imagine them all you want if it pleases you, but that doesn’t mean they’re there. Adult!Rin is a figment of your imagination, nothing more. The idolization of this pairing is pretty disturbing seeing as all we have to go off of in canon is Child!Rin. There have only ever been sweet and innocent moments passed between the two, which is why I’m positive that an unbiased viewer or an outsider would state their dynamic resembled something akin to a father-daugther relationship. I would bet a shit ton of money on that, believe you me!

Rin's inhibitions are low because children are naturally naive and don't know any better. Remember, she adores and trust this man with all her heart, so why would she think any of this so-called grooming is not normal behavior. (I only say “so-called grooming” because I don’t think Sesshomaru bringing her gifts in the village has to be a romantic thing.) Or how would she ever be able to understand that she’s being taken advantage of if she has no previous experience with it? Maybe if she was present for that time Inuyasha and the gang scolded Miroku when they had learned that years previous he had supposedly proposed to this young girl in the village they were visiting, then Rin would. And he didn’t even assist in helping raise her but look at how they reacted! How is this any different than Sesshomaru hooking up with Rin later? It’s actually worse in Sessrin's case. Do you honestly believe that Inuyasha and the others would take kindly to this?

It's not uncommon and considered harmless for young children to have crushes on adults, after all, but the adults in these scenarios should never resort to using and abusing the position of power they held or continue to hold over this child for any reason whatsoever.

What I'm trying to get across here is that no matter how you spin it, Sessrin can NEVER be deemed a morally acceptable pairing. Like ship what you want, we're not saying you can't ship Sessrin. What we're saying is this:

STOP referring to their bond as "pure" and not expect backlash for your grossly inaccurate statements. Just admit it's toxic, because it's extremely harmful to many viewers- and not just victims- to pretend and suggest otherwise.

Please remind yourself of the very real canon fact that Rin traveled with Sesshomaru and they established a bond all while she was just a girl. Oh, and he saved her life too many times to count, not to mention brought her back from the dead TWICE. This is why I don't care much for your counter argument "that dynamics can change over time," because although that's true, like with everything in life there must be standards we adhere to. Exceptions to rules, if you will. Our own basic morals demand it.

For instance, it’s normal that some childhood friends begin to like each other as more than friends years down the road. Nothing wrong with that, because that's a natural and healthy occurrence. Now you cannot apply this to an adult and a child for obvious reasons, but what you also cannot do is apply this to an adult who met and knew another adult while they were still just a child. Why? Well, because it'd be like betraying and perverting that former child's view of you. They were never your equal because your established dynamic resembles that of one an adult posesses with a child even once they've grown up. Think about it this way: it's in the same bracket of family members or family friends who've watched you grow up and mature into an adult. Then later just because they're all grown up, does that mean that those children "are not off bounds" - that's quoting a Sessrin shipper by the way- to these certain family members and family friends? 

If you're still struggling to grasp this, I urge you to take a moment (or all the time you need!) to really put yourself in that child's shoes and self-reflect. Would you truly be alright with a family friend you haven't seen in years (but sorely missed because they used to occasionally babysit you) just someday coming back into your life and then very inappropriately flirting with you or even making sexual advances on you? (Sorry for the run-on!) Or even worse, can you picture this happening to one of your own children??! Seriously, ask yourself that and sit with that for a while and really take it all in. It’s not fun, I know, but if that’s what it takes to help you finally understand then please try and practice more ways to utilize your self-awareness in the future. It’s for everyone’s benefit, not only yours, I promise! You'll also find it makes it tremendously easier to empathize with others.

I got news for those fans who don’t view Sesshomaru as a father figure to Rin. The title we give him doesn’t hold as much weight as a lot of us are making it out to be. Let’s try to be neutral here and stick to the hard facts, shall we?

*Sesshomaru is an adult male authority whose protection Rin is under*

*It’s safe to assume that Rin has grown attached to him and maybe even looks up to him*

*They care about each other and the other's well-being*

*He has has played a crucial part in her supervision and care for a significant period of time (yes, even if it’s just passing a message along to Jaken)*

Not so random anecdote: In an Inuyasha episode I recently revisited, Sesshomaru had just rescued Rin from Kohaku who had been possessed by Naraku and was ordered to kill Rin. Anyway, at the end of their scene you can hear Jaken ask out loud, “what should we do for dinner, Lord Sesshomaru?” And that’s about the most domestic thing I’ve ever heard come out of his mouth. They’re such a family dammit and nothing will ever change that!! <3

This is precisely why I could never in a million years view those past students of mine in a romantic light. I don't care how many years have passed, it's just not possible for me. Just the idea of pursuing a romantic and/or sexual relationship absolutely repels me.

Speaking as a former teacher, you don't need to be a parental figure who's around all the time in order to have great love and affection for a child. I would've done absolutely anything in my power to protect them even though they weren't my own. Then again, I did consider them my children in a way even if wasn't in a familial sense. Does that make my love for them any less unique? No, it's just different but not inferior. When you stop to think about, it really doesn't take as long as you may think to establish rapport with a person, particularly children. Connecting with a child is almost instant (but of course some are more receptive than others), and once you do make that special connection one can only make with a child, a strong and overwhelming need to guide and protect them kicks in almost automatically. The unconditional love an adult feels for a child is powerful and constant, and nothing should ever change that. As much as some of you really want to believe otherwise, that feeling doesn’t just go away because they turned 18. In your eyes, they’ll always be that kid.

I get it, sometimes when we escape into these fictional worlds of ours, it's difficult not to project our own wishes and desires onto certain characters. I don't blame fans for picturing themselves with Sesshomaru- I know I did haha- but never once did I self-insert myself as Rin. I know she's one of the biggest catalysts for his character growth- if not THE biggest- but how and why does that need to turn romantic? There are other antis who I have spoken with on this. They informed me that they used to live vicariously through Rin and ship them together, as well. As they got older, they later learned how weird and twisted this ship actually was. That's what's supposed to happen, y'all, you're supposed to grow out of that fixation. 

Now take your mind out of the Inuyasha universe for a second and hypothetically (or not hypothetically if you have kids) answer me this: if and/or when you ever have a child, would you genuinely be comfortable with the idea of them dating and eventually marrying their father’s best friend who was also there to witness them grow up? Be honest please. 

I highly doubt you would want that- or at least I hope not. You see, that's another MAJOR point I've made a few times already and yet you Sessrin shippers continue to avoid the question. It's pretty obvious it hasn't been rhetorical either. Ignorance is bliss?

Finally, I’d like to address one more point. It seems there is a HUGE misconception and I'd like to clear it up real quick. That is Sessrin shippers misinterpret one of the issues we have with this ship. They chalk up our complaints of Sessrin being canon (which is a LIE, nothing has been confirmed yet) to us just being salty because that somehow means our ships aren't or won’t be. I assure you, readers, other antis and I will attest that this ain't about dumb shipping wars, this is so much bigger than that!!!

I noticed recently that some Sessrin fans have even begun calling us Karens lolol like if anybody is a Karen it's them! This ain't about some mere difference in taste, this is very likely to have LONG-LASTING NEGATIVE EFFECTS. Sessrin going canon is a very harmful message to send viewers and children/teens especially. So if anything, it’s these shippers who are being the entitled ones here thinking that the fact we don’t support their ship is the worst thing in the world. NO, THE REAL PROBLEM IS CHILD GROOMING. GET OVER YOURSELF.

Out of nowhere, some of them even started assuming all us antis were white, which in their books is also equivalent to Karens or even white supremacists somehow?? Those aren't one in the same, but it's easy to make it appear that way when the US is currently tackling major systems of oppression and racial injustice. Because to them, all antis must be from over here. (Yes, I'm American. But no, I'm not white.) How else can anyone explain not shipping Sessrin, right?! Somehow they have it in their heads that ALL of Japan and surrounding places are super approving of this ship, and that everyone else isn’t because of their upbringing and “Western way of thinking.”  

To give you an idea of what I mean, look back at what I talked about earlier with their incessant mention of Sessrin vs. Inukag. Because THIS is another popular example of how these shippers present their side and then ignore all the facts. Many fans have already proven how fucked up and inaccurate it is to label whole countries and cultures. It’s like they simply think mentioning it makes it count even though we’ve discredited their points over and over. Nah, you got to back it up with good reasons that support your side of the argument. That’s How To Have An Argument: 101. So at the end of the day, all they're actually achieving in doing is making dumb and entirely unrelated accusations based on nothing just to lead to deductions that are equally unfounded. Nothing at all is accomplished but more gaslighting and hurling of insults on their part = a complete waste of time for antis = an excuse for them to peace out early from the conversation & that’s what they wanted all along

We’ve reached the end (finally! sorry for all the rambling!), and I hope those of you who stayed till the end or read enough can take something positive out of this. As many Inuyasha fans are aware, there will be a livestream with the VAs for Sesshomaru and Rin coming out within the next few hours. We don’t have all the details yet, and afterwards we probably still won’t. I’m not just talking about Sessrin here but about the sequel in general. Whatever happens, please just remember to be kind to one another. If you don’t think you’re capable of doing that, then it’s best you vent and fume elsewhere. Easier said than done, I know, but just try. Throughout this blog, I admit there were moments where I got frustrated and took some jabs at Sessrin shippers. Please believe me when I say that I do not and would not ever wish any of you ill will. 

Inuyasha was such a huge part of my childhood, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m anxious as hell that Sunrise will ruin one of the best things I loved about this show. So pardon me if my reactions are too visceral for your liking. haha Also, like the movies and the drama cd, this sequel is not in fact canon. Therefore, for those of you who disagree or who still plan to enjoy this new series, respect the fact that some of us fans will definitely “cancel” it if we feel that’s what we have to do to come to terms with it and move on. Fans have that right, after all. Why should we get on board with something if it’s so uncharacteristic of and unrecognizable from the original source material? If all this is some sort of cash grab of Sunrise’s doing, then count me out. I truly hope that this sequel turn outs being a lot more promising than a lot of us are expecting. I’m begging you, Sunrise, I wanna believe you’re better than this. Please and thank you!   

By the way, if you’re interested, feel free to check out my two other blogs on this same subject. Click here and here. The last two screenshots do not come from something I’ve written myself. If you’d like to read more from where those came from, let me know and I’d be more than happy to send you the links. Okay, bye for now. Peace out and stay safe, everyone! 

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

How do you feel about us radfems? We have very opposing opinions and I want to know an MRA's thoughts. Also may I ask why you're against feminism, I mean feminism is about females, don't expect us to always talk about men's problems all the time, it's like asking asking an animal activist why they are more focused on animal problems then humans. Please be respectful and have a wonderful day 😊

A couple things:

- I am sincerely sorry that I'm just now responding. For some reason, I wasn't getting notifications for this blog and suddenly I am. So who knows what's up with that lol

- When I mention feminists in this response, I'm not meaning all feminists. Just some. I wanted to say this here instead of putting "(some)" each time

-sometimes I ramble unintentionally while trying to get my point across. If I do that, I apologize.

--

1st question:

So I actually had to Google that term, Radfem, because while I've seen it on here, I didn't really know what it stood for.

And after looking what you guys believe, I can't say I really agree with it. I mean, I'm sure you guys are lovely people; I just can't get myself to agree with things like we live in a patriarchy and such. Beyond that, I don't really have much of an opinion about y'all. I'll get into some of what you guys believe and what I disagree with when I get to answering why I'm anti feminism.

--

2nd:

I have many reasons why I'm against it. This is in no particular order.

- I don't believe we live in a patriarchal society and that women are some 2nd class. I live in the U.S. so I can only speak for here but I don't think that we are dealing with as much sexism as feminists like to say we do. Of course, it still happens somewhere, we'll never fully be rid of it, but I feel like we have it pretty good here.

We have rights. We can do the same things a man can, except for something that may be out of our physical capacity.

Part of the issue is that it seems controversial to say that men and women are different. It's a fact. We aren't built the same. We have different ways of doing things, on average. It doesn't mean that it's bad or some sort of derogatory thing.

Being equal doesn't mean we're going to be equal in the strictest sense. It's just not possible. And it's okay. It really is.

- I also feel like instead of trying to work on solutions or raising awareness about issues going on in other countries where girls dont have these same rights, there's just a lot of complaining about trivial things.

- Feminists say we should respect a womans choice but if we choose not to be a feminist, that isn't usually respected. They can get nasty with us and assume that we want male attention or we're brainwashed and we let the men in our lives decide for us or we hate other women. It's dumb. If you really respect someone's choice, that includes a choice you dont necessarily agree with.

There's this mold one has to fit into in order to be fo considered a "real" feminist. You have to think a certain way. For example, I'm pro life and that's not acceptable. Again, I'd be met with sexism and hostility simply because I'm not conforming to the standard in which they believe to be okay.

It pretty contradicts when feminists say that if you're for equality, then you're a feminist because that's not true. Because, again, there's a standard one must abide by.

- This is kind of hard to explain but I also feel like the feminism movement, in a way, is actually harmful to girls. They keep getting this idea thrown around constantly that they're oppressed and such and that kind of negativity isn't good. It puts false ideas in their head and they start to believe it and they go around, thinking that society sees them as inferior. Does that make sense?

- I understand what feminism is for. However, we get told that feminism is for everyone, feminism is for men, too. But it's hard to take that seriously when the amount of men bashing posts out there is unreal. Why would any guy want to be part of a movement that thinks the worst of them and thinks it's acceptable to do so because....reasons?

- The hypocrisy. This is another huge one for me. I see it too much. For example, being against body shaming but turning around and saying, "small dick energy" to a guy that disagreed with you and then trying to justify it by insisting it was just a joke.

I have important men in my life, like my dad, and I can't overlook those things. I wont overlook it. Even though the movement is more for females, it doesn't give someone a right to be dismissive toward issues that affect men and then say that, well women have it worse.

I've seen that and it's disgusting. And when you bring the behavior to light, then people will say that, "oh, well they're not a real feminist."

Okay. But why aren't people doing more to move away from those supposed fake feminists so the movement doesn't get looked at as every feminist being that way? Like I said, I'm referencing *some* feminists, not all. There are good feminists out there of course. But I just dont think that there's something being done enough that distances them from the very vocal ones that we see on social media and such.

- what's also pushed me away is the lack of respect when it comes to discussing stuff online. Granted, some of that could be people mouthing off because it's the internet and people do that. But it's frustrating when I'm genuinely interested in a discussion and because it's something someone disagrees with I get a response like this:

"He's not gonna notice you, girl."

"No❤"

"Kill yourself:)"

Or name calling

Or some other immaturity

It doesn't help. It makes it look like we're supposed to blindly go with whatever is being said and we cant question it. That's not right. It prevents good conversations from happening because they're so quick to judge and assume and scream at you. And that's sad, because we don't need yet another thing to divide us.

Anyway, I hope that answers your question! Thanks for asking!:)