#Stoker is making this too easy

[sailoreuterpe]

"Just so. Said he not that the transfusion of his blood to her veins had made her truly his bride?"

"Yes, and it was a sweet and comforting idea for him."

"Quite so. But there was a difficulty, friend John. If so that, then what about the others? Ho, ho! Then this so sweet maid is a polyandrist, and me, with my poor wife dead to me, but alive by Church's law, though no wits, all gone—even I, who am faithful husband to this now-no-wife, am bigamist."

*Goes to AO3 to look up the fanfictions--again*

[mxcottonsocks]

[ID: The "was anybody going to tell me" meme, edited to read, "Okay, was anybody going to tell me that Dracula's house was across from Queen Victoria's or was I just supposed to read a map of London myself?"]

So I'm sure this is obvious to anyone who knows London well, but for those of us who don't, it turns out that Piccadilly is not an area of London, but a single long street.

The blue line below shows Piccadilly.

The red line is the part of Piccadilly Dracula's Piccadilly house is on (Jonathan walks westward from Piccadilly Circus, and comes across the house "beyond the Junior Constitutional". The Junior Constitutional club was at 101-104 Piccadilly, so the house must be between that and the West end of the street.)

[ID: An extract of the Ordnance Survey six-inch map 'London Sheet VII.SW' revised 1893 to 1895, published: 1894 to 1896 showing the area of London around "Green Park". Blue, red and purple lines have been edited onto the map. The blue line marks out Piccadilly, a long street stretching from the junction Piccadilly Circus and running roughly South-West. Approximately the west-most half of Piccadilly has a park called 'Green Park' to the south of it. Approximately the last third of Piccadilly on the west end of the street is marked in red. Roughly opposite the red line across the Green Park is an area of land marked "Palace Gardens". Within the gardens, Buckingham Palace is shown, circled in purple.]

[dathen]

We’re so used to the sexual reading of the entire book of Dracula, which takes the sensuality of the early chapters and jams everything that follows it into the same metaphor no matter how poorly it fits, but I feel the segment we’re approaching works much better with a lens of chronic illness and disease.

Vampire legends are inextricably intertwined with disease. Many of them are said to have been birthed by burying victims of disease too soon, who later seem to rise from the dead. But what’s more is that Stoker and his family have deep-seated trauma over disease: his mother had to flee her hometown at the age of 14 because of a horrific cholera epidemic, and Stoker himself was bedridden as a child from an illness that no one could identify.

Found this quote from Irish Historian Mary McGarry:

Bram as an adult asked his mother to write down her memories of the epidemic for him, and he supplemented this using his own historic research of Sligo’s epidemic. Scratching beneath the surface (of this essay), I found parallels with Dracula. [For instance,] Charlotte says cholera enters port towns having traveled by ship, and can travel overland as a mist—just like Dracula, who infects people with his unknown contagion.

I bring this up because a lot of academic analysis insists that Lucy sleepwalking is proof of her being the Slutty Woman archetype that needs to be punished. This suggested symbolism is hilarious when put next to the text saying she inherited it from her father, but I’d like to suggest a different angle from the lens of disease suggested earlier:

Lucy’s sleepwalking is a condition that predates Dracula but makes her an easy target for him to prey on. Through the lens of disease symbolism, she now is someone with chronic illness or disability who is especially vulnerable to infectious disease. This becomes a cross-section of Stoker’s trauma regarding disease: his own mystery illness and his mother fleeing a plague.

To wind down my rambles with a bit of a soapbox, I feel this adds a very poignant layer to the struggle to keep Lucy alive. The COVID pandemic showed a horrifying level of casual ableism vs disabled and immunodeficient individuals, shrugging off their vulnerability and even their deaths with “well COVID only kills them.” There’s something deeply gratifying at seeing the way everyone around Lucy fights to the bitter end to protect her and refuses to just give her up to Dracula, whether it’s Mina physically chasing him away or the suitor squad pouring their blood into her veins or Van Helsing desperately searching for cures. The vulnerable deserve no less than this. They’re not acceptable casualties.

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Perfection

Self-Aware! Fyodor Dostoevsky x GN! Reader x Self-Aware! Nikolai Gogol

Description: A passing comment makes you feel terrible about yourself. Fyodor and Nikolai disagree.

Set between Surprise and Sick Day

Warning: OOC. Body Insecurity. Hateful thinking during eating. Rude comments. Reader have hateful thoughts about themselves. English is my second language.

_______

You were in one of the many fast food restaurants in your city. Today you have a movie night and need some snacks for that. You were waiting in line for your turn to make order. Meanwhile, you read the menu once again. Maybe, something new was added.

Movie night was time full of unhealthy food and different movies, starting with classic films and ending up with any trashy movie you could find.

Today you were going to watch a bunch of Halloween movies. "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" and "Ghostbusters" with everyone. And, after kids go to bed, you will watch "Bram Stoker's Dracula" just to hear Bram's comments about vampires and "Nightmare on Elm Street".

You knew, that tonight's going to be fun.

"Hello, how may I help you?" asked the cashier. They looked a little bit interested in everything, that happened around. You smile.

"Hello. I will have seven big buckets of fried wings and five big french fries. Thank you."

You took money from your pocket and put them on the counter. You knew, how much you need to pay, it wasn't the first time you made the order.

Cashier's eyes widen. He looked at you from head to toes. He mumbles.

"I-It will be ready in a few minutes..."

The cashier disappeared behind the kitchen's door. You start waiting. You decide to have a better look at some pictures, that were on the wall.

While you were looking at them, you heard hashed voices coming from the kitchen.

"What? Seven buckets of fried wings and five big french fries? Won't they burst?" said an unfamiliar voice.

"They immediately took the right amount of money from their pocket. It looks like this is not the first time they have made this order. It's quite obvious, really. Just look at their... cheeks... hands... stomach... Look at their everything!" The cashier from earlier answered.

You saw his reflection in the window. He was pointing at you and making some gestures in the air. Like he was trying to draw a sphere in the air.

You became still. You tried to tell yourself, that their opinion shouldn't matter, that they just bored and thought that you were an easy target.

"They looked like a balloon. A barrel with lard!"

You grit your teeth. Will you two stop and give me my order?

Finally, they became bored and returned to the kitchen. In a few moments, you finally got your order.

You glare at the cashier, but didn't say anything. Soon you will be home, having a good time with your friends.

You stomped away from the restaurant, holding bags with food in your hands. For one moment, you saw your reflection in the restaurant's window.

Your... cheeks do look chubbier.... And arms...

You hurry to the car. Kunikida was waiting for you.

You put bags on the back sit and sat on the front passenger seat.

You were silent on your way home.

You were staring at your reflection in the car window.

Were your cheeks always that chubby?

________

This evening was too cold for a summer evening.

So you decide to put on your jacket.

New jacket... That just month weeks ago was big to you.

New jacket, that now you could hardly put on you.

Small... It was small for you.

You decide, that you aren't that cold.

_________

The table in the living room were full of junk food.

Popcorn, nachos, tacos, chips, fried wings, french fries and soda drinks.

So tasty... So unhealthy...

...so much food, that will make you fatter...

The movie was on...

And each snack you ate felt like a rock in your stomach...

_________

After movie night was over, you locked yourself in your bedroom.

You take a better look at yourself in the mirror.

You have gained weight.

It was impossible, not to do it, while living with BSD Cast. Ivan was a good baker, Junchirou's cooking was amazing, Kenji could fry a steak better, than in any fancy restaurant, Kyouka's cooking make you want seconds, and it was impossible to say 'no' to food, that was cooked by Fyodor and Nikolai.

And how you can refuse to share snacks with Ranpo, or not have a tea party with Kirako and Naomi?

You decide to lose some weight... Do more exercises, then usual.

And ate less...

________

You manage to skip breakfast.

You just said that you were too tired and want to sleep some more.

They didn't ask you any questions.

You manage to skip lunch.

You pretend to be sleeping. Still.

You were forced to have dinner.

You couldn't sleep all day.

You are dinner with everyone. For dinner, you had mushed potatoes and pork.

You ate some mushed potatoes...

...your hips will be even wider...

You ate some pork..

... your stomach soon will look like you swallowed a globe...

You were smiling and talking with Atsushi, discussing last news...

And ate... Ate... Ate...

...they were right, you are a barrel with lard...

It takes your everything not to make yourself vomit after the dinner. If you didn't lose weight...

... soon they will leave a fat ball like you...

Everything is going to be okay... More exercises and less food... It will help...

________

For one week, you were trying to lose weight.

You train with Hunting Dogs even harder than before.

You didn't notice worried glances, that Teruko and Fukuchi cast at you. You didn't notice Jounou's attempts to make you rest. You didn't notice Tachihara's and Tetchou's hesitation, while they were exercising with you.

You didn't notice, that you looked less and less healthy.

_________

For one week, you skipped meals.

You find any excuse you could. Any reason you could find.

"I am not hungry" "Sorry, I need to finish something for my university" "I need to be somewhere right now, will have dinner in the city."

You choose to ignore worried glances.

You didn't manage to skip meals completely. You ate some fruits and vegetables every day. Not enough for a real meal.

You refused to have snacks with Ranpo. You choose to ignore, how hurt he looked, while hearing your 'no' for the third time in a week.

You refused to drink tea with Kirako and Naomi. You choose to ignore their questions, if they did something wrong.

You ignored, that you became more and more weaker.

______

You were banned from going to the training area. Something about you needing some rest and stop overworking yourself.

You could protest, but Gide and Verlaine, who were guiding the entrance to the training area, didn't look even slightly interested in hearing your arguments.

You couldn't do anything, so you return home.

And you immediately were greeted by Nikolai and Fyodor. Kolya grinned.

"Hey, [Y/N], let's have some lunch! I made pampushky¹ and Fedya made borscht! You will like it!"

Borscht and pampushky...

... even more fat...

... what if, back in May, Fyodor only asked to cuddle with you, because you were fat and warm, and he was cold?...

You lick your lips and mumbles.

"I can't... I must go to the library... In university library..."

Fyodor and Nikolai stared at each other.

Fyodor spoke. His voice was soft.

"Myshonok... Today is Sunday."

You close your eyes. What reason... Any reason...

You opened your mouth, trying to say something else, when a small bun was carefully shoved into your mouth.

"Here, Birdy, try it.... Please, just eat something..." Nikolai's voice sounded pleading.

You want to spit it out. But you had no other choice, but chew.

Fat pig... Hideous creature... You can't even hold yourself together...

You swallowed.

Before you can say something else, a spoon was put into your mouth.

Borscht... Warm soup... With meat and cabbage...

And sour cream...

"Myshonok, you need to eat. Stop starving yourself." Fyodor's voice was firm.

You will gain more weight... Even more clothes won't fit you...

You swallowed.

You looked at Nikolai and Fyodor. Both of them looked happy, that you ate at least one pampushka and one spoon of borscht.

And you despised yourself.

Nikolai took a step closer to you. He put his hands on your shoulders.

"Was it good? I sure, it was. I will bring another one... Oh, and a bowl of Fyodor's borscht! Just let me..."

You didn't know, what made you do this, but you were so close to screaming at Nikolai for giving you bread. You want to hurt Fyodor for forcing you to eat soup with sour cream.

hurt them hurt them them them make them pay say that you hate Them say that you hate them hurt them HURT YOURSELF

SAY THAT YOU HATE THEM

You open your mouth...

...hate them for what? For being your friends? For sticking around? For spending time with you? For worrying about you?...

...When was the last time you ate? Have a full meal and not a piece of apple? When was the last time you spent time with others? Were you even talking to Hunting Dogs while training? Did you say 'hello' to them...

You let out a quiet sob.

And immediately were pressed against Fyodor's chest. He draped his coat over you.

"Коля, я сейчас пойду и поговорю с Мышонком. Пора докопаться до правды. Сможешь сделать так, чтобы нас не побеспокоили?²" Fyodor's voice was calm. His grip was strong. You heard Nikolai's voice.

"Я це зроблю. Вас ніхто не потурбує.³" He sounds... worried. He stepped closer to Fyodor and lift the coat.

"Please... I miss you..."

He softly rubbed his cheek against yours and stepped away.

Fyodor's coat were once again draped over you.

You didn't resist, when Fyodor start leading you somewhere.

_____

The door closes behind you.

Fyodor removed his coat.

Both of you were in your room.

Your breathing was hard.

Fyodor was just standing here. Looking at you.

He spoke first.

"Myshonok, what's going on? You haven't eaten for one week, you hardly talk to anyone. We are worried about you."

You didn't answer. You were just swallowing tears, that were running down your cheeks.

You feel Fyodor's breath on your ear.

"[Y/N], please, talk to me."

You finally found your voice.

You told him about cashiers. About your sweater. About your insecurities. About hating yourself for eating food. About wanting to hurt Kolya and him just moments ago.

When you finish talking, only your sobs were heard.

Fyodor carefully squeezed your shoulders.

"[Y/N], everything about you is perfect. You are perfect, both inside and outside."

Your eyes met with Fyodor's purple eyes. They were so soft, so full of hidden affection. His hands cupped your cheeks.

"You aren't disgusting. You should not change because of some random person comments. And you only hurt yourself. You were almost starving all this week, you stopped talking to any of us. You try to make as many exercises as Tetchou normally do!"

Fyodor put his face closer to yours.

"Please, don't hurt yourself. If you feel down, just came to any of us. We all love you and want you to be happy. And for me..."

He kissed your cheek.

"For me, you are nothing less, than a perfection."

His eyes were so warm. You sobbed and hide your face in his chest.

He was warm. His embrace was everything you need right now.

"I... I..." you can't form a full sentence. Fyodor whispered, petting your head.

"Shhh... It's okay... It's okay... It will be okay..."

Fyodor took a step back, without breaking the embrace. He opened the door. You hear footsteps.

Now you were hugged by Fyodor and Nikolai at the same time.

Now you were sure, that everything is going to be fine.

_______

After you calm down, Fyodor, Nikolai and you had lunch together. It's not only was tasty, but very filling.

Then you three had a movie marathon. You were nested between Fyodor and Nikolai. A large bowl of popcorn with butter, salt and caramel was placed on your lap. It was tasty.

You had dinner with everyone. They were so happy, seeing you again. You felt, how the rest of your worries and sadness disappeared.

But, the last of bit of your sadness truly disappeared, when you were laying on your bed, in a middle of Fyodor and Nikolai cuddle sandwich. Your head were laying on Nikolai's chest. Fyodor's face were pressed against the back of your head.

Before drifting to sleep, you feel, how Fyodor kissed you on the back of your neck.

And whispered.

"Ты само совершенство, [Т/И].⁴"

______

1. Pampushky - a small savory or sweet yeast-raised bun or doughnut typical for Ukrainian cuisine.

2. Russian. "Kolya, I’ll go and talk to Baby mouse. It's time to get to the bottom of this. Can you make sure we won't be disturbed?

3. Ukrainian. "I will do it. No one will bother you."

4. Russian. "You are a true perfection, [Y/N]."

[serpentpatrol]

Astro Observation: Aries ♈️ Part 1

🔎Discretion: consider zodiac signs, aspects, and placements in a birth chart as a map of the soul, it gives you direction on how to recognize its influence or impact within you, as the saying goes: "the stars impels; they don't compel". These observations also depends on degrees, houses, aspects to planets and mostly the free will of the person. Your birth chart gives you information about the pattern of how your energy plays out in the universe but in the end it's your own free will which is the one that decides on how to manage the energy.

🔥 Well known fact about Aries or Aries placements being very independent individuals, they don't like when someone is being emotionally or literally clingy towards them, they will probably show some distance or remain objective if they have to engage in social activity with someone or some groups.

🔥There is a lighthearted cheerful expression in Aries suns (when they are in a good or balanced mood) which brings simplicity in connecting with them, there is no wishy washy, heavy atmosphere or uncertainty with them, they are direct when it comes to what they want to share or want to plan with others.

🔥 When it comes to reaching their goals, Aries suns are daredevils and they can be detailed-oriented about it too like Virgos but this comes from their passion to start something and being very cardinal about it. Whatever activities they pursue they thoroughly gather all of its information and able to execute those plans quickly though it might not last long or not in a slow steady progress like earth placements (Capricorn or Taurus) but they could manage to create and manifest those plans into actions and reality.

🔥 Martian planet which ruled both Scorpios and Aries could make these individuals especially the females to be mentally tomboys, there is a power or femme/homme fatale energy exudes from them which is not the submissive type, totally dominant. Take a look at Lisa (Aries Sun) from Blackpink danced to 'Tomboy' by Destiny Rogers 👇🏻 as an easy general example that you can see in her attitude ✨️

🔥 Those who have Aries placements expresses themselves in two different ways: book smart or artistic smart (be it through music, poems, diverse interests, etc). They have a creative mind or sagacious intellect to understand and engage in certain topics or activities.

🔥 These folks are protective like a warrior defending their own kingdom, being a fire element, this reminds me of Dracula from the movie Dracula Untold and Bram Stoker's Dracula. Both Draculas were being played by Aries men, Luke Evans (Aries Sun, Aries Mars) and Gary Oldman (Aries Sun, Aries Moon).

🔥 Aries Mars can be so quick in showing upsetness or being emotionally triggered. To a point of judging the person who they feel annoyed with, quick in making assumptions (which they need to learn to balance because not everything they think as logical or making sense are the ultimate truth). Based on the early zodiacal order besides Taurus, Cancer, Gemini, the Aries energy is centered to self, mostly capable in thinking or stating opinions or thoughts only from the personal perspective/point of view. And this could create heated ego debate or arguments with others, because they like to win.

©SerpentPatrol

[lonelyroommp3]

I remember the glory days of deh discourse around 2019, people were beginning to wise up to ben platt being a nepo baby. I was a profesh anon discourse stoker back then and it was painfully easy to shut them down by calling antisemitism. "Um, isnt kinda problematic how you assumed this (incredibly rich and influential) jewish theatre producer is doing a nepotism???" and then you could even engineer it the other way too. I loved trotting out the ableism/racism card too. "Hey, dude you're being hella racist by preferring a musical based on some old white dudes book than our important representation of a heckin anxious bean!" I was never even a deh fan, it was just the best musical to troll with cause it was so divisive and quintessentially tumblr activist like in quality. I was so pregnant with discourse back then it was so fun

hi mate i know it's a really easy mistake to make because i do work in a church but my inbox isn't actually a confessional, sorry!

[vickyvicarious]

Would you like to see all of Jonathan's speaking lines from the moment he joins the rest of the crew (September 30) till he witnesses the aftermath of Dracula's attack on Mina (October 3)? Well, here they are:

"I answer for Mina and myself," he said.

+

"May I come?" said Harker.

Both on his first day there, after spending most of his time working on documents with Mina. The former, when agreeing to the let's-hunt-Dracula pact, and the latter when asking to go along to visit Renfield. Your mileage may vary on whether he even did that, since Seward and Renfield and Stoker both forgot him entirely during said visit.

That's it. Oh, of course he talks more than that, but it's all described dialogue typically involved a larger group and even then is pretty brief. He suggests the importance of Renfield before the meeting. He leads the way through Carfax on Van Helsing's request, freezes up and has a minor panic attack when he thinks he sees Dracula, but is pretty silent throughout. The next day he has a brief chat with Van Helsing and hunts boxes. The next day, says hi and bye to Seward, then heads out to spend the whole day chasing leads again. When he gets back, the boys all have a music night and Jonathan reads his journal to them to keep them up on his efforts.

I'm not suggesting that Jonathan is totally silent or anything. But there's perhaps a reason Seward initially describes him as a "quiet, business-like gentleman." He's reserved for the most part and focused on the task at hand. Determined but not overzealous in any way that stands out; spends a lot of time off on his own or hanging back quietly.

All this to say... It must have been quite a shock to see quiet, paper-trail hunting Jonathan Harker abruptly start spitting out lines like:

"It cannot have gone too far yet. Guard her while I look for him!"

"May God judge me by my deserts, and punish me with more bitter suffering than even this hour, if by any act or will of mine anything ever come between us!"

"Then let us come at once, we are wasting the precious, precious time!" + "We shall break in if need be."

"I care for nothing now, except to wipe out this brute from the face of creation. I would sell my soul to do it!"

"May God give him into my hand just for long enough to destroy that earthly life of him which we are aiming at. If beyond it I could send his soul for ever and ever to burning hell I would do it!"

All of a sudden Jonathan is a big damn romantic hero. He is making huge declarations left and right, he is ready to hunt Dracula down and kill him in his pajamas, he is rushing and raging and swearing to God and cursing Dracula's soul to hell and offering to trade away his own. All this not to even mention attacking him with a knife and climbing out a window rather than waste any time with stairs.

Jonathan, who has always been pretty mild-mannered around this group to the point they almost find it hard to believe he could have been the same one to write about his experiences in the castle, is now in full on Addams family mode, public displays of affection and murder attempts included. And it's not like this situation isn't understandably dire as hell, an easy recipe for pushing someone past the limits of their composure. They all know that too.

But I just find it really fun to imagine the recalibration going on in their heads. Knowing intellectually the kind of stuff he did to stay alive all that time ago is a little different from watching him rampage around like he did today, and Seward definitely seemed to be experiencing a shift in his perception of Jonathan's manly fervor to say the least.

[ml-nolan]

Kick's 2023 Fic Roundup (YEEEHA!)

[Please use the Kayne Malevolent voice for that title]

SOOOOOO all domains included—fics, original fiction, nonfiction, and copywriting—I wrote over 300k words this year. Of that, fic was 132,449 words! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 I'm pretty proud of it, honestly, so I thought I'd hop on the rundown bandwagon.

Thanks to everyone who read my stuff, kudos-d it, commented on it, and yelled with me about it on Tumblr and Discord (Honk-Honk to all my honkos!!! 💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤). Y'all have made my life so much more fun this year.

The Sandman - Dreamling

Music When You Speak [Rated E | 72,075 words]

When incognito rock star Dream of the Endless drifts into Hob Gadling's record store, it's instant attraction. Neither of them expected things to get this serious.

This started out as an experiment in "taking time to enjoy the scenery," so naturally I had to [SPOILER ALERT] add a kidnapping subplot that ends with Dream naked and covered in blood.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Oops.

I'm so glad so many people loved it. I loved it too. Still do.

Playlist here

Aaaaand complimentary ficlet, Piece by Piece [Rated T | 610 words].

I'll Make You Sorry [Rated E | 12,035 words]

Things from Hob's past are making Hob's hookups run screaming into the night, and it's really freaking him out. Dream is very concerned (both that other people are dreaming Hob's dreams and that Hob takes so many lovers).

This is my only canon-adjacent fic (so far) that isn't ficlet or pure smut, and I enjoyed making both of them so deeply uncomfortable. Also I need to write more Corinthian because I found his voice disturbingly easy to emulate. 😂😂😂

On Sex Dreams and Anachronisms [Rated E | 1,818 words]: Two embarrassing times Dream dropped in on Hob's sexy dreams and one much nicer one. Second silliest thing I wrote this year.

(Not) Spellbound [Rated E | 1,192]: This is just bondage smut. You're welcome. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

How to Extract Your Boyfriend from Toxic Internet Culture [Rated G | 704 words]: By far the silliest thing I wrote this year. Features retired Dream's stint as a True Crime Wine Mom.

One Tall Dark Stranger [Rated G | 565 words]: From the prompt "Accidental Hand Touching."

You Will Not Be Bothered [Rated G | 420 words]: From the prompt "picking a leaf/flower petal out of their hair, or brushing dirt off of their face."

I'll Be a Better Man Than My Father Ever Was - Chapter 4 by @chaosclimber | for the Dreamling for Ukraine fundraiser.

[PODFIC] Inappropriate Uses of the Dewey Decimal System and Coworkers by Hob Gadling, no PhD (Chapter 2) by @chaosheadspace | for the Dreamling for Ukraine fundraiser.

Metaphysics by @quillingwords

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The Sandman - Femslash Weekend!

This was so fun, and I have at least one more femslash idea I really hope to have the spoons to finish in January. 💜🖤💜🖤

You're Gonna Catch Hell [Johanna/Mazikeen | Rated E | 2,116 Words]

Johanna Constantine, a gun for hire, is meeting a very dangerous new client at Club Hell. A mysterious woman who spots her right when she enters the club might pose some complications.

Pure smut, although I have an enormous hc around this AU that I'm not sure will ever see the light of day.

Obliterate All Prior Things [Lucienne/Gault | Rated E | Words 3,421]

Whatever horrible thing Lucienne says is happening to The Dreaming is certainly happening. But the other part—the bit where Lucienne thinks she is the reason for it—cannot be allowed to stand. Run away with me, Gault wants to say. We'll find our own way. Be whoever we want. And you can finally rest.

I have huge feelings about Gaulcienne, which will become extremely clear if you read this.

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The Magnus Archives — Goof Troop (aka., TimGerry)

Just an Animal Looking for a Home [Rated E | 33,349 words | Love and Nonsense AU - WIP]

When Tim Stoker came to Pinhole Books, it was like someone jammed a foot on the accelerator of Gerry's life. After a health scare, a wedding to his (let's be honest) soul mate, and the exponential growth of the shop, it's showing no signs of slowing down. Now, Pinhole is opening a second location, their beloved Fiona Law is retiring, and Tim and Gerry are bringing a new canine member into their family. But even good changes can be overwhelming, and Gerry finds himself dealing with old trauma he thought he'd left far behind him. Plus, Tim is unexpectedly forced to face old conflicts, which takes him places where Gerry can't follow. With all these stressors on top of the typical growing pains that come with a still-new marriage, Tim and Gerry have to learn to work through their issues together. It's either that or fall apart.

This is the sequel to Hiding in Plain Sight, which I actually started this in 2022 and took a hiatus while I was writing Music When You Speak (so the word count includes 2022 chapters, don't @ me 😂). It's pretty heavy but I think the break will make the story that much better for it, honestly.

Playlist here.

Also in this AU, a couple ficlets set before TimGerry got together.

What's His Deal? [Rated T | 608 words]: Gerry tries to find out what Tim's deal is. Jon is completely unhelpful. From "Blossoming Romance" Tumblr prompt: "Attempting to find out if they are single/available"

Scoop [Rated E | 682 words]: Gerry has just hired a new employee at Pinhole books, and it may just cost him his sanity. Involves ice cream.

Ad Libitum [Rated E | 1,861 words - WIP]

It's Tim Stoker's first week at The Magnus Conservatory, and his piano accompanist hasn't shown up for auditions. An imposing goth swoops out of the shadows to save him, but Tim worries his instant attraction to the man may make it hard to control himself.

I just started this one! Music conservatory AU where Tim is studying voice and Gerry is a pianist. Excited to see where it goes (honestly, your guess is as good as mine at the moment).

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And of course I've got a book and a Patreon with two serials in progress if you're interested.😉😉😉 But I hope to write a LOT more fic in 2024! Love y'all. 💜🖤💜🖤💜💜🖤💜🖤💜💜🖤💜🖤💜

[autumnmobile12]

In this scene when Hector is threatening Lenore, he says the following, "...or I will rip your fucking throat out and break your fucking neck and we'll see how fucking well you live then."

All right, let's pretend for a moment Lenore was in any kind of danger and this was a legitimate threat: Is Hector just bluffing (as if Lenore's not going to know her own weaknesses) or would breaking her neck actually result in some permanent damage if he succeeded?

In other words, can the Netflix's Castlevania vampires be crippled?

Modern vampire media plays fast and loose with Bram Stoker's rules, (I mean, the more powerful Hellsing vampires can even walk around in sunlight; it just annoys them,) but in every other vampire-themed series I can think of right now, short of the classic stake through the heart or the head being removed, vampires tend to come back from just about anything. Regrowing limbs, regenerating catastrophic blood less, etc. The series Shiki actually has a pretty disturbing rundown of what vampires can and can't survive, courtesy of a doctor capturing one and putting her through a series of inhumane experiments to see what will actually kill her. (This one also has a pretty similar explanation to Castlevania as to why vampires fear holy relics, and it's the only modern vampire series I've seen that actually has the 'sacred ground is off limits' factor.)

When the chips are down, Hector's probably just overreaching here. (Or possibly trying to intimidate Lenore on the mistaken assumption she's a 'helpless lady.')

But I do think it's an interesting notion to have vampirism not being the 'cure all, return to factory setting in case of emergency' trope we see everywhere because the 'factory setting' is different for everyone. Such as vampires experiencing permanent injuries or even terminal illnesses. The light of the moon is just reflected sunlight, so a vampire with a skin condition that makes them extra sensitive to even moonlight could be possible. Also, vampires developing illnesses like blood disorders, rabies, even the ones who have animal forms contracting mange, certain cancers, neurological or physiological conditions they were born with that a vampire's bite didn't 'cure.'

Or maybe they have a whole other range of afflictions specific only to their species.

Example: Aside from Carmilla and Godbrand, none of Dracula's Generals speak, not even Cho even though she has a flashback in Season 3. In a Hellsing/Castlevania crossover I was working on, I wrote a part where the Generals had an ongoing bet of whether or not Cho was too arrogant to bother speaking with the plebs or if she actually couldn't speak, implying she has a speech disorder that predated her being a vampire.

...

I've read books where humans with asthma, severe scoliosis, and even Alzheimer's Disease were cured after becoming a vampire, and I do think that's wonderful.

But there's also the part of me that thinks, "Nah, too easy." I want to see vampires who are blind or deaf or both, autistic vampires, 10th century Chinese vampire ladies who still have maimed feet from the foot-binding of their childhoods, vampires who suffer from dementia and are terrified of losing hundreds of years worth of memories, dyslexic vampires, paraplegic vampires, vampires with autoimmune disease, or allergies outside of being unable to enjoy the gift to humanity that is garlic bread.

[fandomregression]

uhhh tim as a regresser? i know hes usually a cg in your fics but i kinda relate to him so much

while i see him mainly as a cg, thats mostly bc i want him to be my cg, but i absolutely see how he could be a regressor so rAMBLING TIIIIIIIME

Regressor Tim Stoker Headcanons!

so tim starts regressing actually kinda young, in his early teens, because he's always lived in his brother's shadow. always been the second, despite being the older child, and its. hard. he pretends everything's okay and he isnt jealous, but he wants. needs. attention too

he learns what regression is exactly in university, and he kinda just shrugs and says 'yep that tracks' and pushes it to the side. let's bury that problem and deal with it later! that's a problem for Future Tim!

future tim is very mad and small, now. he spends a lot of time crying into his pillow and hugging his childhood stuffie, a little doggy named spot, until he falls asleep

he tries to basically never let dating partners find out abt his regression that doesn't seem like a good thing

a few of them do, and a couple try their hands at being cgs. they give up because tim is "too much" for them to handle

then danny dies, and tim spirals

hes just really, really not okay. he spends so much of his time trying to research what happened, trying to learn about the circus, trying to find anything that explains why his little brother is dead, and he can't figure it out. and he just tears himself apart over it. he's on the verge of regressing pretty much all the time, he's crying his eyes out all the time, and everything is bad. by the time he starts working at the magnus institute, he's a shell of a man whose head always feels like its swimming

then he meets jon, and he can tell there's something familiar in the ways he acts. tim's almost certain jon is a regressor, and well...he's nothing if not a good big brother. and he's a big brother who really, really welcomes this distraction from the fact that his little brother is dead

he does his best to keep jon out of trouble and take care of him, but he's well aware of his own headspace encroaching on all of this. its not easy. little things that tim does for jon are things that make tim regress, so its. not going too well!

until they meet sasha :)

sasha notices these two are a lil different pretty quickly. its become even more evident when they're researching a case, end up at a park, and jon and tim are playing on the playground like little kids

tim is very excited about this, and he absolutely climbs on top of the monkey bars and shouts for sasha

"sasha! sasha! look at me!!! :D!!!" "i see you! you're up so high!!"

she pushes them both on the swings, she pushes them both on the merry-go-round, and it feels just so natural to them

(tim picks her some dandelions and clovers, too, and sasha adores it)

after that day, when tim's big again, he realizes that sasha was able to actually play with both of them and pay attention to tim even though he was bigger than jon...sasha actually wanted to take care of *tim* and jon at the same time...and he didn't feel neglected...

(he cried himself to sleep again that night, but he wasn't sure why it felt so painful) (its the neglect trauma)

at work, tim basically just starts feeling a pull toward sasha a lot of the time, and he's terrified of being too much for her, but he...he needs this...

if he finds a cool bug, he takes a picture to show her. cool rock, he takes it inside and gives it to her. he likes to draw little doodles on his sticky notes and give them to her, and it absolutely makes his heart soar every single time she sticks them to her monitor. he's just. thriving off the affection

jon is the first one to explain regression, and he expects both tim and sasha to just push him away. he is absolutely not expecting tim to say he's a regressor too (how jon didn't notice? well...poor baby's not very observant...) and they're both not expecting sasha to just say "oh i know, who wants a juice box?"

both just. malfunctioning

tim does regress older than jon, usually around 6-8, and he takes his job as big bubby VERY seriously. he holds jon's hand when they do anything, he is always imparting his wisdom (which has been "red crayons taste bad" and variations of that multiple times), and he tries to let jon get more attention from sasha

sasha does not take too well to that last one. she notices pretty quickly that tim sacrifices himself for jon, and that just won't fly. so, extra hugs. extra kisses. lots of one-on-one playtime. tim cries a lot over this

then they move down to the archives and yay!! martin!!! now tim and jon have a mama and a papa and its even easier for them to both get the attention they need (especially tim, who doesn't feel as guilty when there's two cgs he can go to whichever one isn't handling jon)

tim has a lot of games he likes to play, and he has quite a few stuffies, but a lot of the time he likes playing nintendo with martin (and jon watches and tells him how cool he is)

sasha and martin both learn pretty quickly that anything circus/clown themed is very much a no-no with tim. if he's already regressed, its the quickest way to a panic attack he can get. if he isn't regressed, he will be very shortly, and then the panic attack happens

at that point its just...hugs and comfort until he can stop crying

when it comes down to it, he's just glad to finally have this sort of support system. to have multiple people who care about him and actually try

[msfcatlover]

@fandomwandererer

im still like mid s3 in tma but im practically spoiled all the way to somewhere else, tell me more about the archivist tim story. is the not them even relevant if tim is already marked by the stranger? if it is who end up a not!them? tim would need a spider mark right? wonder what that is

*vibrating in place* ARCHIVIST!TIM STOKER, MY BELOVED!

You have no idea how much I love this AU. You have no idea how long I could talk about it. No, really. It took so many edits to keep this response reasonable.

(This is from my notes document on this AU, and does not include the lengthy conversation that originally spawned it. My adoration of Archivist!Tim cannot be overstated.)

Okay, okay. A couple things to establish. First: I cannot take full credit for this AU. @daydreamingofdragons & I came up with it together while bouncing ideas off eachother, and it spiraled (ha) out of control. This is just as much their monster as it is mine.

Second: Tim Stoker’s trauma is not defined by being from the Stranger. His tie to the Stranger hugely shapes his character, but not the Stranger itself. Tim’s trauma is defined by the feeling that he had multiple chances to save his brother and didn’t; that Tim watched Danny die, too close not to feel like Tim should’ve done something, and even though Tim consciously tries to argue with himself that there was nothing he could’ve done, Tim can never silence the part of him which says Tim’s actions (or lack thereof) indirectly killed his little brother. You don’t need the Stranger for that.

(a few post-s3 spoilers below cut, as well as other answers.)

Third: The purpose of the Archivist is to collect “marks” (scars/traumas) from each of the Entities. The Archivist is chosen for their potential to collect those marks, and how easy they seem like they’ll make it (translation: how much work Elias has to put in himself.) To make a viable Archivist candidate, you need to ask what mark/s they already have when they first arrive at the Institute, how Elias might manipulate them, and how much manipulation it would take for them to start putting “finding answers” above “personal safety.” (So Jon Sims is an exceptionally good candidate because he’s driven by a desperate need to understand, he has trouble trusting others, his self-worth was already garbage by the time he got to the Magnus Institute, a consequence of both being a tendency to do absolutely everything himself, and he walked in already marked by arguably the hardest Entity to manipulate into doing anything.)

While the Web would be needed eventually, it's not needed as a foundation. Any mark will do, though if anyone at the Institute is still marked by the Web, you need to give your chosen Archivist a mark just as (if not more) rare & dangerous to make them the more tempting prospect.

.

So, Tim is not marked by the Stranger; we actually had him marked by the End (full statement outlined,) and to compensate for how not Eye-aligned Tim is (canon!Tim wants answers about what happened to Danny, but beyond that curiosity is very much not one of Tim's defining character traits; he's not driven for want of knowledge the way Jon & Sasha are, he's driven by love for those closest to him & a need to find a guilty party who can be blamed & punished for any suffering they endure) we had each one of his assistants be marked by a different Entity. After all, if Tim doesn't care about answers or mysteries that don't affect people he cares about, the answer is to tie those mysteries to the personal struggles of those people he cares about.

Jon kept his Web mark (still Mr. Spider, and Jon was definitely the backup in case anything happened to Tim, but the End was always going to be the biggest risk to get a mark from, which makes it just too tempting even with Tim's temper & disposition taken into account.)

Sasha was marked by the Dark (the first time Tim uses his powers is to protect her from it, eventually leading Tim to directly help Basira & co with the lowercase-r ritual the People's Church performed in s2.)

Martin was marked by the Stranger (and also is the only assistant Tim didn't choose; Martin was Gertrude's last assistant, while Jon & Sasha were on a list of "pre-approved" potential assistants Elias gave Tim.)

(and yes, we fully figured out how Sasha & Martin were both impacted, and how it would tie into the plot & their respective arcs. Especially Martin & Jon's tragic enemies-to-friends-to-lovers story in this version.)

That gives Tim 4 different rabbits to chase down. By the time he's started to clear up even one of them, chances are other avatars would start to poke their noses into the archives' business. And then Tim's temper, need to protect those he deems to be his own, and need for retribution on any who would harm them would keep Tim locked solidly into the Archivist's role. He's not going to try to leave as long as they're still at risk, and he's always going to jump in front of that bus rather than throw any of his people under it. And once Tim figures out what's happening, he's far more likely to try to get ahead of things by taking the fight to the other avatars rather than try to slide beneath their notice the way Jon mostly did.

.

The NotThem isn't actually that relevant, though we did play a bit with the idea of NotBasira. Instead, @daydreamingofdragons came up with a new creature who does the opposite: it steals identities by rendering people unrecognizable. Not like it replaces them or completely changes their appearance, but it's the cross-section of the fear of mistaking a stranger for someone you care about & the fear of being rejected by loved ones. This person claiming to be your brother is obviously not your brother---sure, at a distance you might mistake them for your brother, maybe they could even fool someone who doesn't know your brother that well, but you can very clearly see all the little differences that show this cannot possibly be your brother. Especially if you have a picture to compare. It's not your brother, you know it's not your brother, why is this complete stranger insisting that they're your brother? Why do they know so many things about your brother, why are they wearing his clothes, how did they get the lucky charm he never takes off? What did they DO to him?!?

(It is, in fact, your brother. He knows why you're acting like this, he can't recognize himself in the mirror, but it doesn't make your complete rejection of his identity hurt any less.)

I can't remember if we actually discussed this, but I've been calling it the "Innominate." Which is an adjective meaning "something anonymous or unnamed," but sounds like a word that could easily be a verb meaning "to un-name something, to render anonymous," and also works as a proper noun just fine.

It goes after Jon in mid-to-late s2. This leads to everyone needing to figure out whether or not they still trust Jon ("trust & love as an active choice," you're such a good theme and I love you so, so much,) Georgie joining the Institute to investigate Jon's "disappearance" (they reconnected after Jon did the follow-up on Melanie's statement in s1,) and Tim needing to save Jon from Daisy after they find Gertrude's body (s2 finale, rather than s1; but once the police are there, there is one person in this verse who is obviously skittish, out of place, and doesn't want to show identification to the cops, and it's not the Archivist. Tim's being nothing but coolly polite & helpful, because he's worried about his people and wants to get these cops out of his archives as soon as humanly possible.)

The antagonist for s1 is the Spiral rather than the Corruption, and after Michael (& co) invades the Archives, Tim ends up going to Hill Top Road for a guiding thread so he can rescue his friends. He hates it, but Tim recognizes the pattern, has no pre-existing hangups about the Web, and there's an original statement in there about a woman getting lost in the tunnels and following a thread of spider silk all the way to the trap door in the archives. With the help of the thread anchored in Tim's chest, he's able to trick a different Spiral ally into the heart of the Distortion and safely recover Sasha, Martin, & Jon from the chaotic, twisting halls. With the changed heart (and the loss of Michael's obsession) the Distortion retreats for a while.

[count-skribula]

i saw that you were welcoming infodumps that relate to dracula! i have a not so fun fact about bram stoker and oscar wilde to share :)

so. we know for a fact that wilde was invited to a bunch of dinners at the lyceum theatre. we know stoker wrote those invitations, and it's overwhelmingly probable that he was also responsible for making the guest list. we have tons of evidence showing that stoker was pretty close friends with wilde's parents. basically, we may not know the specifics of their relationship-- we have no solid evidence that justifies saying they were close-- but we do know they knew each other. they hung out in the same circles, their families were friends, stoker presumably chose to invite wilde to all his cool club dinners, and wilde certainly kept in touch with florence.

wilde also adored both henry irving and ellen terry, the leading players of the lyceum, so he found a lot of excuses to visit the theatre. he and stoker shared a passion for walt whitman's poetry. they went to the same university, where stoker recruited wilde to the philosophical & historical society-- though wilde was never a particularly active member. all this to say that wilde was definitely, inarguably, someone who had a presence in stoker's life.

in stoker's only work that can be even remotely considered autobiograpical, which is actually a biography of his boss + allegedly close friend henry irving (titled personal reminiscences of henry irving; wouldn't recommend it, it's not exciting reading), he never mentions wilde. not once. not even when he just straight up lists all the famous people who visited the lyceum theatre.

the book was published after wilde's conviction for gross indecency. there's no record of stoker voicing any opinion about the trials or the conviction-- no public outrage, no public mourning. nothing. wilde's brother wrote to him about the whole ordeal, but there's no evidence stoker ever replied. ellen terry was vocally supportive of wilde. author hall caine, to whom Dracula is dedicated (under the petname hommy-beg), expressed shock and grief and moral outrage. but as far as we can tell, stoker said nothing.

to me, that's one of the loudest silences in history. the only indication of an opinion we ever get is that some years later, he published some articles arguing for the moral benefits of censorship of plays and novels.

florence kept the letters wilde had written her till her dying day, though. apparently her family was convinced she could have prevented the tragedy if she had just married wilde instead of stoker, which is..... certainly some kind of take lmao

(most of this info is taken from Barbara Belford's biography on Stoker plus Talia Schaffer's article on the influence Wilde had on Dracula. they both end up... idk, sort of trying to psychoanalyze a guy who's been dead for a century in a pretty invasive way that kinda skeeved me out? but all the claims i'm repeating here are pretty well substantiated by historical sources, which both authors were very good at tracking down. i know i probably don't need to cite my fucking sources in a tumblr ask or explain why i'm choosing to rely on flawed sources but it's the grad school brainworms i can't help myself)

Don’t apologize for citing sources I love you for it ❤️

Also that’s SUPER interesting, there just seems like a lot of uncovered bts drama happening with stoker and wilde’s relationship but like you said so much of it is just speculation and it’s easy to slip into territory of disrespecting dead people by theorizing too much about their personal life. But it is a really fascinating subject to learn about

And I’m realizing asking for info dumps is an amazing way to get through the off season so YESSSS THANK YOU!!!

[chthonic-cassandra]

🦈, 🎬 (and also ❤️ if it's not too hard to answer!)

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

Ahhh. Several contenders here. Probably the toughest is Van Helsing - I really don't get him on a fundamental emotional level, have trouble liking him, and do not have fun trying to match Stoker's weird diction for him. This is a lot of why he so rarely shows up in my fic.

(I also have really struggled every time I try to write the Marquise de Merteuil, but that is more for emotional reasons and I think I am actually pretty decent at writing her voice when I do get it together.)

🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?

I never ever think about this! Probably because I don't think of my fic as very cinematic and in fact, with its focus on the interior experience of violence, I think it's sort of anti-cinematic? But let's say Compromise, because it at least has a plot and isn't just someone contemplating the existential implications of their trauma for 2.5k words.

Fancasting this feels totally weird because, again, I don't ever think about this question, and also the nature of the plot makes me feel weirdly uncomfortable picturing specific actors enacting it. (I have directed plays, so I don't know why I feel this way? I don't know, I'll ponder that reaction more.) But this is what comes to mind, based on sensibility rather than match between actor appearance and description of the character in the text -

Dracula - Christopher Lee. There are lot of other possibilities especially of actors who either did play Dracula or should have gotten the chance to (older Conrad Veidt, whose Dracula performance we have all been unfairly deprived of, Frank Langella, Christian Carmago, maybe Tony Todd who would do a great Dracula), but really I can't say anything other than Christopher Lee.

Ecaterina - someone who can do an edge of understated glamor? Like Anouk Aimeé or Claudia Cardinale.

Ileana - I am going to throw out a wildcard here and say Hudson Leick or Ruth Wilson.

Adriana - Isabelle Adjani. This one's easy.

Mina - Thandie Newton, maybe? Young Holly Hunter? But this is probably because I have seen both of them memorably play characters who had complex dynamics of resistance in response to interpersonal violence.

Jonathan is the hardest of all because his kind of quiet simmering arc is not something very common for male characters. I keep thinking about Jacob Anderson but that, even more than the Mina ideas, is typecasting based on previous roles because tv IWTV Louis' arc has some similarities to Jonathan's in Compromise.

But I really don't know! If other people have fancasting thoughts on this one I would be very, very interested to hear them.

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

So hard to choose a favorite! Let's go with one that I think about a lot but which I don't think anyone else has ever commented on: "You are in a picaresque and your map is dotted with minefields" (from Lightning-Struck).

[seemsablur]

i neeed to know ur favorite lesbian vampire novels. i need recs because there are few and like i need to expand my base from something other than carmilla and the confines of my imagination. i need lesbian romantic vampirism.

i am quite literally reaching through time and space to kiss your forehead for asking this question and allowing me to talk about my favorite things. prepare to get so much more than you asked for because i have no self control.

Lesbian Vampire Fiction

(other than Carmilla, which is so so dear to my heart and I return to it every single October)

A Long Time Dead by Samara Breger: Based in 19th century England; deliciously gothic, moody, and thrilling without being too highbrow or pretentious. The book also doesn’t waste much time on context, the book opens to our delightfully blunt and funny sunshine MC being cared for by a mysterious brooding vampire (also gets smutty by page 10 if you’re into that ✨) if you want entertainment without particularly demanding prose, found family, and the most entrancing sapphic love story i literally can’t recommend this enough.

La Petit Mort by Olivie Blake: Steeped in New Orleans romance and intrigue, MC is bequeathed a house that comes with bizarre terms and conditions attached. TECHNICALLY the MC is not a lesbian and there is a temporary male love interest, but the emotionally unavailable bloodthirsty vampire antagonist is so magnetic I barely even noticed him to be honest (for best experience, use any maladaptive daydreaming tendencies to make him into a butch as you read). I adore Olivie Blake’s writing style, very blunt and easy to put down in a single sitting. I inhaled this book

these are all the ones I have actually read and enjoyed, but my TBR is a mile long so if you’d like more please send me a message and i’m happy to send those over as well x

Honorable Mentions for other Vampire Lit

Woman, Eating by Claire Kohda: Young intersectional vampire trying to fit into society despite her bloodlust. heartwrenching depiction of the alienation and anxiety of being a girl in your twenties that is only magnified by the supernatural lens

The Vampyre by John Polidori / Dracula by Bram Stoker: cornerstones of the genre, required reading blah blah blah

Honorable Mentions for other Lesbian Lit

Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield: Just finished this and it absolutely destroyed me. Surreal body-horror about a woman’s wife going off on a research trip and coming back wrong. the portrayal of how love persists against all reason and logic was so devastating

This is How You Lose the Time War by Max Gladstone: dystopian time traveling sci-fi centering around two queer MCs on opposing sides of a war and also basic ideology. FASCINATING and short read that was made indescribable by the representation. i finished this book and then immediately started it again from the beginning.

Final Honorable Mention: A Certain Hunger by Chelsea Summers. not queer nor vampiric but romantic cannibalism done so well it had to be included. if you want “i support women’s wrongs” and to be inserted into the mind of a brilliant, vicious, sociopathic female misandrist you need to read this.

There’s a million others that fall into these categories but for the sake of keeping this -relatively- succinct i will stop there. thank you for such a lovely ask, this made my heart sing <3

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Vast!Jon Au - time for some REVEALS

Oh, oh, oh, there are some BIG CLUES as to what's going on in this scene.

Fair warning: We don't know no stinking timeline. I am back on my self-indulgent bullshit, y'all, and that means it's ALL going in the pot.

Martin/Jon Childhood Friends

Vast!Jon, professional photographer

Lonely!Martin, YouTube baker

A plane crash! Angst! Drama!

Old guys playing dice with the universe!

Stoker brothers! Archivist Sasha!

Agnes Montague?

Mike Crew???

Nothing is sacred here.

And now... phase two.

-----------------------

A week of nothing is good for them all, surely.

Jon and Martin text constantly, but Jon will not show his face, or say what he’s doing. So that’s fine.

Sasha swears she’s okay, and shows up for dinner with the Stokers. She won’t talk about Jon. So that’s fine.

Martin is sure none of this is fine.

But he’s in a holding pattern until Friday, which is when he must be at the top of his game. He spends some of his waning bank account on a haircut and a manicure, ensures his clothing and makeup are on point, and prepares for the show of his life.

Not one job application he's sent out has gotten a nibble.

This Lukas thing, whatever it is, has to work.

#

Tim calls it The Martin Effect.

Danny calls it a little bit spooky.

Martin calls it working the room, and considers it an easy performance. Even when performing for a bunch of weirdos.

The Lukas family is… more than a little bit weird, actually?

They’re all tall and freakishly pale, which has to be genetic. Eyes like ice, all of them. They stand in a cluster, watching their guests, like freaky gods made of stone and misanthropy.

Oh, their smiles are friendly, and their handshakes are good, but Martin is skilled at reading people and knows damn well not one of them is actually friendly at all.

But they sure do have a fancy as fuck house.

They'd invited him to their manor, in Kent - which is nearly eighty miles from London, and would have been an automatic no (Martin has seen horror movies) - except that they prefaced the invite by explaining it had to be on a certain date because others’ schedules weren’t very flexible.

Those others were several people like him (nobodies) and several of those YouTubers mentioned in the note (nobodies who’d made good).

The Lukases even sent a car to get him. With drinks.

Fancy. 

Also weirdly lonely, because there was a divider so he couldn’t even speak to the driver, and the car wasn’t a limo but it was too big, and Martin sat in the back and played on his phone and felt severely out of place.

He’s still doing this.

The Mooreland House came looming out of an unseasonable fog like something in a ghost story. Huge, all gray stone, somehow both absurdly posh and weirdly featureless, it does not feel welcoming.

Martin arrived at the same time as everyone else, coordinated. 

Then it was awkward-as-fuck meetup time, which is fine by him.

“No, that’s completely reasonable,” he says to his fellow nobody’s absolute rant about comment misbehavior. “It feels very personal, really.”

His fellow nobody beams like Martin gave them a prize.

Martin doesn’t mean a word because the rant is stupid. They’re internet comments. Yes, humans make them, but it’s humans on the other side of a screen, faceless, nameless, person-less.

Which is how they view you, even though they have your face and name, he thinks, but outwardly commiserates with BabyBrian (whose makeup isn’t very good, but Martin won’t tell them that), then moves on to meet the next nobody in line.

He’s spent time with nearly all the nobodies now. It’s horribly familiar; same as moving every few months and first trying to make friends, then moving every few months and just trying to make peace, same as not mattering and nobody mattering and sinking slowly into himself and his mum not caring, until they came to Bournemouth, when he was six, and his father walked away, and mum didn’t want to move again.

And Martin found Jon.

And for the first time in his life, felt seen.

He remembers that. Even though he was young, he remembers meeting Jon, more clearly than he recalls his father’s face.

But that doesn’t matter, because none of these people are Jon. 

It’s so damn fake. Martin’s good at fake. He knows how to stammer just so, when to drop his eyes, how to smile. 

Just keep it together, he tells himself, because he doubts very highly that the Lukas family (who is watching all of this with unreadable expressions) is going to give them all the golden ticket.

It’s obviously some kind of competition, though to what criteria, he doesn’t know. 

So. He’s himself.

The part of himself that doesn’t have Jon, that is.

There are two nobodies left to talk to in this group, and lucky him, they’re standing together, making it easy. “Hello!” says Martin brightly as he walks over.

So, two things immediately jump out at him.

One: they are absolutely nothing alike, but when they turn as one to look at him, he feels in his core that they are absolutely the same.

Two: that something same is whatever horror now lives in Jon.

It damn near throws him.

They’re connected. They’re serving evil gods. He’s certain.

Martin smiles more brightly to cover his spike of terror and offers his hand. “Martin. I bake muffins.”

The guy responds first, smiling just as brightly and shaking his hand. “Mike. I do optical illusions.”

“Oh, I’ve seen those!” says Martin brightly. “I recognize your voice. CrewsClues, right?” It is a hell of a channel. Obviously, it must be camera tricks, some kind of manipulation, but no one’s ever figured out how he does it.

For the first time, Martin is afraid that maybe it isn’t technical prowess behind those tricks.

This guy can livestream, and while livestreaming, twist a road into spirals, or make it seem like the building he’s walking by has just rusted itself to holes and timber, to mold and curling paint. Fascinating stuff.

Mike also does gross food stuff, but Martin loves food, and won't think about that.

However, he wonders why the hell this guy isn’t on camera.

Mike is fucking hot. Fit, toned, tanned; nearly white hair, shocking blue eyes - and, intriguingly, the branches of some kind of lightning-scar peeking above his shirt to kiss his throat.

Maybe he doesn’t go on camera because his smile is as fake as Martin’s.

Something in the eyes…

Mike Crew is not a friendly person, and Martin logs him away as dangerous.

“That’s me,” says Mike. “This is Agnes.”

Agnes is… Well. Intense is one way to put it. She is unblinking, still as a sheathed knife, and does not smile. Her hair is long and auburn, her eyes seem almost orange, and she’s nearly as tall as Martin.

She also doesn’t shake hands, apparently. “Hello.”

“She’s got that It All Burns channel,” says Mike.

“Oh! Oh, that’s… wow. Fascinating,” says Martin, looking fascinated, internally terrified.

It All Burns somehow combines an unnerving, visceral fear of the dark - of what’s in the dark, unseen - with sudden and violent flame, and there’s never any way to know just what she’s going to set on fire.

Martin hadn't even know the channel was run by a she. The host never speaks.

Of course, it isn’t real, say the comments, because it’s illegal, the things she burns - from as small as fancy men’s watches to entire derelict flats. Because someone would have caught her if she were actually doing arson, and besides - no matter what she’s burning, the flame she sets always looks the same.

It’s white. 

The last time Martin glanced at her comments, speculation was still rife as just what she was doing to make flame white, regardless of fuel.

He stopped checking after that. Agnes’s videos disturb him.

Agnes disturbs him more.

Now that he knows monsters are real… “It’s great to meet you,” he chirps, smiling brightly. “Hey, can I refill your drinks?”

“Naw, I’m about to bail,” says Mike with a shrug that stretches his half-buttoned shirt (white, to make his tanned skin more interesting). “I don’t think this is for me, anyway. I was curious, but I don’t really need the help.”

“Lucky you,” Martin laughs. “Well, I’m glad I got to meet you.”

“Yeah,” says Mike, with an unexpected and appreciative look. “You’re cuter than on your videos. Maybe we should collab, sometime.”

Martin laughs like that wasn’t absolutely audacious flirting. “I don’t really know what baking and illusions could do together.”

“Could do a test. See what happens to muffins over time.”

Mike had a couple of live feeds constantly monitoring food allowed to rot.

Martin pushes those out of his head, because they’re gross. There are maggots.

Why the fuck live feeds like that had an audience, he has no idea, but he’s not letting anything like that near his muffins. “Not a bad idea. Let’s chat about it sometime, okay?”

Mike knows.

He knows he just turned Martin’s stomach.

Mike's smile is cruel.

Martin’s is sweet and sunlight and fresh-found honey.

“See you,” says Mike, and leaves.

“So that was - ” Martin starts, but Agnes is leaving, too. Did they come together? “Not for you, either, huh?” says Martin.

“It’s a trap,” says Agnes.

Martin can’t quite hide this reaction. His eyes go wide, and he goes too still, just for a moment. “What?”

“I like you. I hope you lose,” says Agnes, coat donned, hair pulled free from her collar. She meets his eyes, pinning him again. “Good luck.” And she leaves.

“But what are you - ”

Nope. She’s not going to tell him what the trap is. She’s gone.

Oh, Ariana, we’re really in it now, he thinks hysterically, and sips his drink to cover it.

So does he leave?

He has no other options. He tried to get a job. He tried to get a loan. He has to do this.

He can’t take his mother into his closet-sized flat. Not only would her hospital equipment not fit, they would definitely kill each other within a week.

Jon…

He knows Jon would take him in.

He knows Jon would spend his own money to care for Martin’s mother.

Martin will not do that. He’s refused the offer before. He won’t.

He doesn’t even know why, but he won't.

“Excuse me, everyone,” says a cheerful voice, and Martin turns to find yet another Lukas has joined the fray.

This one’s different, though. He’s not so pale. His smile reaches his eyes. “Thank you all for coming! My name’s Evan. I guess you all know why you’re here, so I won’t drag it out. Leave the long speeches to the old guys, right?”

And it’s not really funny, but his delivery is so charming, and so personable, that Martin finds himself chuckling with the rest of them. 

“It’s time for your individual interviews. Now, I need to stress this: just be yourself. A front isn’t something anyone can maintain forever, and we’re looking for genuine above all else here. As I’m sure you’ve guessed, only one of you is going to get the sponsorship this quarter.”

Yeah, they’d all guessed. A few people sip drinks, nervously.

Martin is not one of them.

“We’re going in alphabetical order,” says Evan. “And hey - there isn’t anything to be afraid of, all right? In fact, we’re giving you all financial compensation for spending the day with us so nobody feels like we wasted their time. Right! Martin Blackwood?”

Oh good, I’m the guinea pig, he thinks, and raises his hand and smiles. “Present and accounted for!”

“Come on dooooown,” says Evan.

Martin snorts. Only one other person in the room seems to get the extremely dated Price is Right reference - the sea captain, Peter Lukas.

Everyone else's looks are just... stone.

“Follow my aunt Susie.” Evan shakes Martin’s hand. “Love your muffins, by the way. They’re great for parties.”

“Right? Thank you,” Martin says, feeling like this is the first time he’s smiled for real all day, and follows aunt Susie down the hall.

[sea-adhesiveness537]

Also gonna ramble a but about the pokemon themselves bc I love them (all these pokemon were caught in the first evolution and evolved to their final except for Missy and Trouble)

In order of capture:

Chandelure (Lavender) was Ingo's starter. She just kinda followed him home one day from a festival bc she thought his soul was pretty. Drayden was very concerned about letting Ingo keep a ghost type so young (like 9 years old) bc they have been known to feed of their trainer's souls but in the end he agreed mostly bc she refused to leave

Emmet's starter was Eelektross (Taser). Emmet actually was searching for a pokemon that day which is why the twins were in Chargestone Cave. Taser was having a casual battle with another wild pokemon and Emmet just kinda stepped in and started giving him directions. Taser was grumpy about it at first but then realised Emmet had good strategies and together they won the battle

When they became old enough to go on their pokemon journeys Drayden gifted them twin Klinks which were quickly named as Gear (Ingo's) and Station (Emmet's) (the train special interest was already strong in these boys). These would have been their starters had they not made friends with Lavender and Taser first. Emmet often introduces them the wrong way round as "Station and Gear" and Ingo hates it

Ingo's Crustle (the only one I haven't thought of a nickname for) was caught bc it was the only pokemon in the area that didn't scatter when Ingo yelled a little too loud in the middle of the forest and Emmet immediately demanded Ingo battle it for its bravery

Emmet's Galvantula (Goldie) was caught bc Emmet really really really wanted a Joltik (his favourite pokemon) and caught the first one he came across

Emmet caught his Durant (Stoker) after getting lost in Twist Mountain. He'd somehow lost sight of Ingo and Elesa and was panicking, crying and nonverbal. Stoker found him like this and sat with him until he was found. Stoker continued to follow them to make sure Emmet didn't get lost again. When Emmet noticed, he challenged it to a battle and caught it

After defeating Drayden's gym (and don't think he went easy on them bc they're family), Drayden gifted Ingo his own Haxorus' egg and gifted Emmet a Plume fossil which became their Haxorus (Freight) and Acheops (Piston)

After Freight hatched she immediately wandered off and got lost. They ended up finding her being mother henned by a Drillbur (Quake) who demanded she battle them to make sure they're good enough for Freight. She got emotionally attached and joined them

As young Depot Agents Ingo and Emmet were tasked with catching whoever was tipping over the trash cans around Gear Station. Ingo found a Trubbish (Daisy) and offered her a job cleaning up the trash around the station instead of making messes

As Subway Bosses the twins were widely known for being excellent trainers. This is why the local pokemon shelter reached out to them about a temporary placement for a Boldore (Missy) and Gurdurr (Trouble). They'd both been forced to evolve by their old trainers before they were ready and now weren't very well behaved around anyone that tried to take care of them, scared of the same thing happening again. They couldn't be released since they didn't have the survival skills they needed for the wild. Missy and Trouble were supposed to be placeholder names just for the short time theyvstayed with the twins but they stuck and they all got emotionally attached, so they took them in permanently

(This does leave Ingo with 7 pokemon, later 8 with his Alakazam, and Emmet with 6, tho Emmet's endless army of Joltik make up for that. The "6 is a team" thing is more of an etiquette thing and a league rules thing. Carrying more than 6 pokeballs at once is allowed, it's just customary to only use 6 if you enter a battle)

I have more to say about Ingo's Hisui pokemon too

🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿

Knowing all of their mons' origins is so interesting and very wholesome! Almost everything is fluffy and sweet, a nice change of pace from what I've been daydreaming about 😅.

Y'know, other than some occasional angst here and there, and the Hisui situation, the huge wholesome-ness percentage in your Poké paracosm reminds me of another friend's paracosm. While there might be some problems here and there and a hint of trauma a treat, her paracosm is mostly consist of wholesome slice of life stuff. Also, a lot of things in this info dump are so cute :>