#There is so many topics to discuss and consider and talking about!

[creepykuroneko]

A lot of people in the notes keep complaining that it's okay to have adult content that does not contain explicit sex scenes. I feel like they are 100% missing the whole point of this post.

Its true no piece of media NEEDS to have a sex scene in it, but if you know anything about conservative Puritan societies, you would be rooting for the sex scenes.

The LIE "we're protecting children" is the excuse used to beat down anyone and anything that doesn't fit into nice clean white, middle class, abled body, cishet, Christian values.

If you have not seen the documentary this film is not yet rated, I highly recommend doing so. It talks about Hollywood's double standards and hypocrisy when it comes to what type of violence and sex is considered acceptable in movies and what is not. Men masturbating on screen completely acceptable. Women masturbating on the screen unacceptable. Men having an orgasm on the camera a okay but a woman having an orgasm on the camera is a no no. Women being raped, beaten, tortured, and murdered is okay. Women having lesbian sex is not.

This horror movie is about a teenage girl who after being let down one too many times by society, starts to kill her rapists one by one? "Can't have that! It's too violent! How is that child appropriate?"

Don't even get me started on the fact that homophobes assume that being gay automatically makes you a sexual deviant. It doesn't matter if a movie/show has zero sex scenes in it, no "crude" or "offensive" humor, if there is a queer couple in it, that's basically an orgy in the eyes of conservatives. Andi Mack anyone? Bluey? I remember in a interview with Alex Hirsch, he talked about how in the Gravity Falls episode Love God, he originally wanted two elderly women to fall in love with each other, but the censors said absolutely not.

Movies that show black joy, black couples having a happy, intimate, romantic, sexual relationship are often put on the back burner. Keep in mind with how little representation Hollywood gives black voices, especially ones that are not harmful stereotypes, it's important for black people to see themselves represented in the media as being happy. Then you also have to acknowledge the fact that when black people make black movies for black audience, they get terrible funding, little to no advertising, and limited run in theaters. Regardless of if a black movie is meant to discuss social issues or it's just the campy movie that happens to star a all black cast, many non black people assume it's automatically political because its made by black people and feel that it would not be a all age is appropriate movie. Despite the fact that they know nothing about the movie and the reality that kids need to be taught about everything. We already know that children in elementary school already start to experience racism from their peers. So I assure you, watching racially diverse films it's the least of society's problem.

Horror is my absolute favorite genre. I'm not saying it's never problematic or you can't criticize it, there are movies that definitely deserve criticism. Sorry, stay with me here I'm about to break this down into two topics.

Horror is good for children. It helps give children a safe contained space to explore different issues, scenarios, and topics that can really help get the critical thinking going. A child reading a book about another child who gets kidnapped and is able to escape from their kidnapper because they figured out how to free themselves is actually good information. It's easy to laugh it off as it's not real life but let's be honest, we know that bad things happen in the real world all the time. Think about how many conservatives get angry when sex ed in schools is brought up because they think it's inappropriate for children to learn? They also don't like media that specifically gets into consent. It's because a lot of them turn out to be pedos themselves. They don't want the children they are abusing to catch on that they need to tell another adult about it.

Horror is the only genre I can think of that features the most physically and mentally diverse characters out there. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that the plots are usually ableist. Going back to some constructive criticism needs to be had. At the same time though I can think of over a dozen horror movies off the top of my head with real disabled actors in them. How many movies can you think off the top of your head that are not under the horror genre that feature disabled characters? The 1930 film freaks, features a cast of disabled characters. The film was banned for decades because it was considered "grotesque". When American Horror Story freak Show came out, it was very heavily influenced by Freaks. There's some really good interviews with the cast about how they don't find being called a freak offensive. They explained their disabilities, what their life is like, and what they want people to know about them. Despite the title, the cast is very open about sharing their voice and being open with their disabilities. You also have iconic horror actor like Javier Botet who is very open about the fact that he has Marfan syndrome. Botet does not necessarily do child friendly horror but a lot of kids do see his horror movies and love him. Oftentimes when I speak with families of a child with Marfan syndrome, Botet is the first real world example of a famous person with the same condition as the children. It absolutely makes children happy to see that their favorite monster on screen has the same disability as them. Granted this is not true for everyone with Marfan syndrome. I have met people with Marfan syndrome who hate the horror genre and that is okay. Have also met other people with marfan syndrome who love horror films and love seeing actors with the same disability as them.

Child media is so heavily censored as it is. Adult media does not need to be handled with kid gloves as well. Children should not be watching cocomelon because we already know it rots their brains, adults really don't need to be fed cocomelon-esque type of slop. Sorry/not sorry for going on a long rant there. We need diverse stories with diverse characters in them. Adults deserve to have good media that yeah touches on issues that make SOME people uncomfortable. To the person who experiences discomfort watching certain types of media, what exactly is it that makes you uncomfortable? If it's a burry your gays Trope or poc, disabled, and women's lives are disposable while the white man lives I can understand disappointment at seeing your life devalued time and again. If you are outrage though because we got to see the actresses nipple, the rapist priest got decapitated, a group of Native Americans are killing the group of white zombies who are trying to kill them, the white abled body cishet man is the only character to die, or God forbid we should see a black woman kissing an Asian woman, then you need to sit in the corner and unpack that.

hot take possibly? but i actually think it’s okay for things to be marketed for adults. it’s literally okay if things aren’t suitable for children. i feel like we are losing the plot

[ilikekidsshows]

Sorry please can I ask what are some instances in the show where you can point to the narrative trying to make her sympathetic for another case or when the show tries to make Marinette sympathetic with her oh my God I'm so horrible or by making her emotionally breakdown e.t.c.

---

Kuro Neko, Strikeback and Sublimation are the biggest offenders, but Crocoduel also has this baked into its very inciting incident.

Kuro Neko: The entire Ladynoir conflict arc of Ladybug constantly keeping more and more secrets from Cat Noir and Cat Noir being sidelined from battles leads to everyone claiming Cat Noir quit because she can’t return Cat Noir’s feelings for her. The situation is solved with Cat Walker saying Ladybug is always helping others and needs someone to help her in return and Cat Noir coming back and saying he overreacted, being the only party to apologise for the conflict.

Strikeback: Marinette put the Miraculous up in freaking cloud with direct access from her primary weapon she uses in the clear sight of everyone constantly, and misused the Rabbit Miraculous to teleport to Adrien to stop him from leaving Paris by recruiting him instead of traveling back in time to figure out what’s up with the Akuma infecting the entirety of Paris. She cries about being the worst Guardian ever because Félix then stole the yoyo and the Miraculous off her after she mistakenly recruited him.

Sublimation: Marinette, after causing possibly the worst day of Sublime’s life, corners her in her dressing room and cries crocodile tears about how she’s scared that Sublime won’t want to be her friend. And those were crocodile tears, we can see there were no tears under those hands when she peeked at Sublime to gauge her reaction to her woe-is-me routine.

Crocoduel: Marinette worries Luka won’t want to see her because he’s in love with her while she can’t return his feelings, instead of the fact that she was a terrible girlfriend who constantly ghosted him and called him by the wrong name while dating him.

Miraculous is, in general, very manipulative in the way it has the characters discuss Marinette’s many many many instances of bad conduct. This is too small in singular cases to make a full list of, but pay attention to how the characters in universe discuss anything Marinette does wrong. Do they actually use accurate words or minimize the events in some way?

A common thing is discussing something as something that happened, when it was actually something Marinette did. Aka, is Marinette’s culpability discussed and to what degree? Another thing is using lesser language to make it seem like less harm was done. Marinette gaslighting Adrien wasn’t even called “lying” in the London Special, they referred to it as “not telling the truth”. These two are the same thing, but the one they used holds considerably less weight. It’s subtle, but, considering it’s a part of a pattern, it’s another sign of the writing team being very shy of actually attributing culpability to Marinette for her actions.

---

Most of this originates from this post.

This being kinda derivative made me realize just how much I talk about specific topics, so, I’ve decided to start tagging the more recurring "salt" topics on this blog for easier post recovery. I’m not gonna go through my entire backlog, but I’ll try to tag the more relevant posts that I refer to a lot.

Most posts about Marinette are now going to be tagged with: Marinette Morality Olympics, to cover the various different ways Marinette is shielded from culpability by both the writers and fandom.

Other tags are: Adrien the Brand (for posts about how the show objectifies and mistreats Adrien) and Abuse Apologia the Show (self-explanatory). Are the Straights Okay? will also be making appearances.

[0r10n5be1t]

Debating is so fun when it’s over text because my tone of voice won’t alter the purpose of my words.

it’s amazing. I love it. Debating really allows you to see inside the person you are talking to. Their thoughts and feelings, the inner workings of how they perceive things. Then you get to debate about it and talk about and learn new perspectives!

my voice gets all dismissive and argumentative sounding when I’m debating. I don’t mean to do it but I do and it changes the way my input is perceived.

I love debating over text. It’s so fun

[luniviravosshipper]

I have drafted up too many posts about my feelings about being in this fandom lately and particularly about how that feeds into my views on the show. I don’t know.

Was even going to add more onto this but then I’ll probably not be able to even finish my line of thoughts for this post and also again end up saving this to my drafts.

[anistarrose]

The sentences "Asexuals can still have sex" and "Aromantics can still date" need to go up on the high shelf for everyone except aces and aros talking about their own experiences. From now on, everyone else has to use the revolutionary new phrase "Asexuals and aromantics can do whatever the fuck they want forever."

Edit: Critical Thinking Questions

Imagine as many different scenarios as you can where a person might tell someone "aros can still date" or "aces can still have sex." Pick two or more of these scenarios to compare. Does the meaning of these phrases change in different contexts? Do you think every speaker of these phrases has the same intent?

Do you think the topic of this post is an "aroace community" issue, or an "asexual community and aromantic community" issue? Do you understand which one of the above is a broader category?

Imagine a scenario in which an aromantic allosexual might be told that "aromantics can still date." In that context, would that phrase be affirming or delegitimizing? Repeat, but imagine a scenario in which an alloromantic asexual might be told that "asexuals can still have sex." In that context, would that phrase be affirming or delegitimizing? If you would like, you may now revisit your answer to Question 2.

Do you think "Asexuals and aromantics can do whatever they want forever" is contradictory to the statements "asexuals can have sex" or "aromantics can date"? If so, then why? If not, then why might OP prefer the phrasing of "do whatever they want forever"? What might "do whatever they want forever" encapsulate that the other statements do not?

Many users are relating this post to fandoms' treatment of asexual and/or aromantic fictional characters. Do you think people's views of real-life a-specs can influence their treatment of a-spec fictional characters? Conversely, do you think their views of a-spec characters can influence their treatment of real a-spec people?

Is the treatment of real a-spec people or of fictional a-spec characters more important? For the category that you considered less important, do you think the treatment of that category is ever relevant or related to how the more important category is treated? (You may reference your answer from Question 5.) Compared to the more important category, how much discussion do you think the less important category deserves? Do you think it may ever be relevant or important to discuss on posts about the category OP sees as more important?

[great-and-small]

When I was in vet school I went to this one lecture that I will never forget. Various clubs would have different guest lecturers come in to talk about relevant topics and since I was in the Wildlife Disease Association club I naturally attended all the wildlife and conservation discussions. Well on this particular occasion, the speakers started off telling us they had been working on a project involving the conservation of lemurs in Madagascar. Lemurs exist only in Madagascar, and they are in real trouble; they’re considered the most endangered group of mammals on Earth. This team of veterinarians was initially assembled to address threats to lemur health and work on conservation solutions to try and save as many lemur species from extinction as possible. As they explored the most present dangers to lemurs they found that although habitat loss was the primary problem for these vulnerable animals, predation by humans was a significant cause of losses as well. The vets realized it was crucial for the hunting of lemurs by native people to stop, but of course this is not so simple a problem.

The local Malagasy people are dealing with extreme poverty and food insecurity, with nearly half of children under five years old suffering from chronic malnutrition. The local people have always subsisted on hunting wildlife for food, and as Madagascar’s wildlife population declines, the people who rely on so-called bushmeat to survive are struggling more and more. People are literally starving.

Our conservation team thought about this a lot. They had initially intended to focus efforts on education but came to understand that this is not an issue arising from a lack of knowledge. For these people it is a question of survival. It doesn’t matter how many times a foreigner tells you not to eat an animal you’ve hunted your entire life, if your child is starving you are going to do everything in your power to keep your family alive.

So the vets changed course. Rather than focus efforts on simply teaching people about lemurs, they decided to try and use veterinary medicine to reduce the underlying issue of food insecurity. They supposed that if a reliable protein source could be introduced for the people who needed it, the dependence on meat from wildlife would greatly decrease. So they got to work establishing new flocks of chickens in the most at-risk communities, and also initiated an aggressive vaccination program for Newcastle disease (an infectious illness of poultry that is of particular concern in this area). They worked with over 600 households to ensure appropriate husbandry and vaccination for every flock, and soon found these communities were being transformed by the introduction of a steady protein source. Families with a healthy flock of chickens were far less likely to hunt wild animals like lemurs, and fewer kids went hungry. Thats what we call a win-win situation.

This chicken vaccine program became just one small part of an amazing conservation outreach initiative in Madagascar that puts local people at the center of everything they do. Helping these vulnerable communities of people helps similarly vulnerable wildlife, always. If we go into a country guns-blazing with that fire for conservation in our hearts and a plan to save native animals, we simply cannot ignore the humans who live around them. Doing so is counterintuitive to creating an effective plan because whether we recognize it or not, humans and animals are inextricably linked in many ways. A true conservation success story is one that doesn’t leave needy humans in its wake, and that is why I think this particular story has stuck with me for so long.

(Source 1)

(Source 2- cool video exploring this initiative from some folks involved)

(Source 3)

[doberbutts]

With this latest round of discourse being "trans men shouldn't complain about being kicked out of women's spaces", I felt the urge to write up a relatively long post regarding the topic, as I feel it is a long tangled mess and involves a significant amount of people simply talking past each other.

To begin, what is a woman's space? I ask this, because "women's spaces" often fall under one of three categories: medical services, social services, and social gatherings. Of the three, trans men need access to nearly everything if not everything included within "medical services" and "social services". These things often need to be considered co-ed anyway, but are still considered "for women" and often are labeled things like "women's health" or "women's defense". Social gatherings- things such as book clubs, concerts, festivals, and other similar outings- can have a nuanced and complicated history when it comes to the inclusion, or exclusion, of trans men.

As an example- I am a binary, gay trans man who has not yet been sterilized. If I become pregnant and need to seek out social services, I must do so via my provider's "Women and Babies" department. I am neither of those things, and yet regardless of whether I am completing or terminating the pregnancy, I must label myself a woman in order to receive care. If I wish to have a pap smear, receive birth control, or investigate my chances of ovarian and cervical cancer, I must do so via the "Women's Health Clinic". I am not a woman, but I must label myself as one in order to discuss sterilization options. Many trans men who have had their gender markers changed prior to sterilization have reported difficulty even booking an appointment, as well as difficulty convincing their insurance to pay for this appointment due to a discrepancy with gender markers vs gendered care. Many have discussed the realities of being a pregnant man, whether they remained pregnant until their child was born, or whether they terminated said pregnancy with an abortion.

It should come as no surprise that the statistics for trans men receiving quality gynecological care are abysmal. It should be equally unsurprising to hear how many trans men have died from botched abortions, untreated miscarriages, infections and cancers of the uterus and cervix and ovaries, and complications during pregnancy or birth. We belong in this space, despite it being labeled "for women", and the only thing pushing us out has done is quite literally what's been killing us.

This is, of course, not even taking into account the numbers of trans men who have been forced to become pregnant via their husbands or families as a means to detransition them, and those who have become pregnant as a result of corrective rape. There is a saying among trans men of my age- it isn't "we all know a guy this has happened to", it's "which of us haven't experienced this? who among us doesn't fear this? who will it happen to next?"

Which brings me to my next point: women's social services. As with women's medical care, nearly everything labeled "for women" as a social service must be inclusive to trans men. Shelters for domestic violence survivors, rape crisis centers, self defense classes, family planning, these are all things that honestly should already be co-ed. But, many times, they are exclusively targeted towards women. I understand why, I do. But with trans men being statistically more likely than cis women to experience the need for these services, it seems a cruelty to close their doors to a vulnerable demographic reaching out for help.

Where should trans men in crisis go? Shutting the door to us without addressing the reason we need to access these resources gives us a single ultimatum: detransition, or die. Go back to being a woman, or die knowing the likelihood that a woman's name will adorn your headstone, and "daughter, wife, mother" will be said in your obituary. Much like the medical services, this incomplete answer has lead many trans men to their deaths. Whether by their own hands, or by their attackers'.

But there are other social services out there that perhaps are not as dire. Women's scholarships, colleges, all girls schools. Girl Scouts, women's sport leagues, gym memberships. Trans men don't need access to these, right?

Well... is the trans man in question out? Has he been living as a man, or is he still closeted? Is it safe for him to come out? Does he pass, or has he just bought his first binder and given himself his first buzz cut? Is he living under the control of his parents, or is he able to freely decide for himself the type of person he'd like to be and the type of life he'd like to live?

You see, I was a Girl Scout once. And, if we are to believe to our core that trans men are men even before they know the words "transgender", this means I was a boy in a girl's space. I didn't know that being transgender was an option for me at the point where my troop disbanded, and another leader to replace the first within my local area was not found until after I had aged out.

But also... I was in 7th grade when my troop disbanded. Two years later, I would learn the word "transgender", and suddenly everything would make sense. Two years later, I would come out to my parents and my sisters. To put this into perspective, I graduated high school in 2010. The Boy Scouts officially allowed cisgender girls and transgender people of all genders to join all programs in 2019.

I was not expelled from my Girl Scout troop. My leader simply stopped showing up to meetings, and my troop disbanded to go our separate ways when leadership could not find someone quickly enough to replace her. But... if this had not happened, I would have been a recently out transgender boy in a girl's social service, still wearing push up bras and frilly shirts because that's all my parents would buy me until I became an adult and moved out and had a job with my own money to re-purchase myself a wardrobe. Indistinguishable from any of the others, outside of what went on inside my own mind.

I would not have been accepted into the Boy Scouts, if Girl Scouts had been taken from me as abruptly as it was from a different transgender boy in the same state I was born and raised. Which would have left me with... nothing. Neither. And the only reason I even joined the Girl Scouts was because I had wanted to join the Boy Scouts and the local troop had refused to allow me, because they had labeled me a girl.

I don't believe I'm the one that coined Schrodinger's Gender, but I do reference it often. In this situation, one is both a boy when it hurts, and a girl when it hurts. Even if that gender label changes by the second, the point is to use your gender and your assigned sex to hurt you.

But then, why do these services even have to be gendered to begin with? After all, Boy Scouts just updated to be The Scouts, and has removed (on paper) the insistence on gendering.

Well... I certainly agree that the majority of gendering these services is at this point a concept that needs to be reformed, but I'm unconvinced that we will be able to completely integrate without addressing the reason they were segregated by gender in the first place.

Women's gym memberships are gender segregated for two reasons. Women and girls- and anyone labeled as women and girls, regardless of true identity- are frequently not afforded the same access to resources as cisgender men and boys. Women and girls- and anyone labeled such- are frequently at high risk of predatory sexual behavior and physical violence. Both of these problems are symptoms of a larger system of misogyny at play, and both of these problems directly affect trans men especially those who have not transitioned in a way that makes them pass for cis men.

Regardless of the truth of my identity, the reality is that I was seen as and treated as a girl when it came to physical fitness, and thus barred from the same activities freely offered to the boys. Regardless of the truth of my identity, I have experienced predatory sexual behavior from cis men as young as 8 or 9 years old, continuing past when I came out and began to transition socially.

If the problem is not addressed, cis women cannot re-integrate with cis men. But, additionally, if the problem is not addressed, the choice still remains clear for trans men. Detransition, stay closeted, or go without.

A common complaint of trans men is the invisibility and erasure our demographic faces. It should be easy to see why this happens. The problem of a misogynistic society is one that continues to this day, and without addressing the problem we cannot hope for success in creating a more inclusive space. At the same time, trans men are being pushed out and isolated as they realize they must make a choice.

As for social gatherings, such as a woman's retreat or a woman's music festival? Of course, it may sound odd to say that a trans man should feel welcome there. But the truth of the matter is the majority of the trans men asking for the ability to stay are trans men who have been within that space for years already, prior to coming out, prior to realizing some things about their genders, prior to taking their first steps as men.

I'm pretty good friends with an older butch who told me that I am the first person they ever told that they were a nonbinary man. This person is in their 50s. They're married. But the wife doesn't like it, and they love their wife too much to cause friction in the relationship, so they keep it to themselves, and they keep quiet, and they don't say anything about being transgender, but in their head they aren't a woman. This person is not a woman, by their own insistence. Should this person be forcibly ejected from their local lesbian community, which they and the wife helped form decades ago? Should they divorce their wife, since that would make her not a lesbian anymore?

What harm is it, truly, to allow this person to stay? Social isolation kills people. The trans man suicide statistics are just as abysmal as any of the others I've mentioned here. Forcing someone to burn 20, 30, 40 years of their lives and their friends and their achievements because they are finally living as themselves is a deeply hurtful and isolating experience.

The majority of trans men asking to be included in these spaces are not trans men like me- who never really jived with the idea of womanhood and distanced ourselves as much as possible the moment we saw the opportunity. They are men like my friend, often existing outside of the binary, often with a deep love and appreciation for womanhood despite realizing that perhaps the label does not fit them as well as they once thought. They often have many years of connection, entire lives spent intwined in these spaces.

What good does it do to chase them out? What harm does it to do let them stay?

[cosmic-dust-poltergeist]

Pt 5 of the Danny is a clone/reincarnation in DC au. Tw: discussions of sa and child sa

[Part 4 here]

Danny is not sure how he got talked into this. Sure, he's been steadily getting better at "normal" interactions over the last 2 and a half years, and he's met or is family with everyone here, but it's still a lot. It's Dick, Wally, Kori, Raven, Jon, Damian, Kon, Bernard, Tim, Jason, Roy, and him all camped out in the second largest family room for a sleepover. Sort of. As overwhelmed as he feels, it's still rather fun.

They have movies playing in the background while they all play different games. At first, different groups split off to play board games or card games, but Dick decided they should play something all together. It was hard to find something that accommodated so many players, so they decided to play never have I ever.

Danny could even play honestly because everyone here knows about his "second set" of memories. So there's no questions if he puts a finger down to something he hasn't technically done from their perspective. But it does mean they hone in when he hesitates.

"Never have I ever lost my virginity." Damian said it because he knew Tim, Jason, and Dick would put their fingers down, but his eyes widen when Danny debates if he should. "Seriously?"

"I'm not sure it counts.." Danny shifts uncomfortably.

"Oh-ho! You lose it to someone Before?" Jason teases, "Who was it? A girlfriend? A boyfriend?"

"Jason.." Dick scolds while staring hard at Danny. He's clearly pieced it together. There's this look on his face that isn't sympathy, but empathy. Danny feels sick knowing his eldest brother knows exactly what he means because he's also been through something similar.

"I've actually never made it past kissing with a romantic interest." Danny can see the exact moment his very specific wording clicks. He starts trembling as a bunch of ugly emotions make themselves known.

"Shit."

"Danny-"

"I don't think it counts." Dick cuts everyone off, his sunshine smile nowhere to be seen. "No more than my assaults should be considered cheating."

The way Kori flinches leads Danny to believe that's exactly what she accused him of at some point. He knows they're exs, but didn't know the details. The guilt written all over her over this topic is reassuring, though.

"Sometimes things happen outside of our control." Dick gives a small sad smile. "Which means we can't blame ourselves. We just figure out how to live in the aftermath."

The fact Dick has been sexually assaulted seems to be news to everyone, but Wally and Kori. The anger on both of their behalves is heartwarming, but Danny just feels the need to scrub his skin raw. The images of the pedophiles pretending to be scientists flashing before his eye and their phantom touches making him feel dirty.

"I'm never going to escape what that lab did to me.."

"You already are." Kon pipes up. "Look around you, kid. Even just a year ago, you wouldn't have agreed to be part of this hangout. Sure, the scars will never go away, you'll have moments where you feel like nothing but an experiment or a tool, instead of the kind and bright person you are, but that's okay-"

"Whenever you forget. The people who care about you will just have to remind you!" Jon's bright grin has sadness mixed in it.

"Danny?" Tim shuffles closer. "Can I hug you?"

Danny doesn't verbally answer, just nods and crawls into Tim's lap. Danny curls up tightly and whispers. "I think I'm done playing for now."

"Alright.." Tim hugs him close, rubbing soothing circles on his back. A glance towards Dick reveals Wally and Kori have him sandwiched between them, giving him comfort.

"How..." Jason starts slowly, clearly still recovering from the information that his eldest and youngest brothers have both been assaulted. "How about we play Uno? We have 3 packs worth, so there should be enough."

Danny knows this won't be the last time the topic of their assaults are brought up, but it's a weird sort of painful healing to even just acknowledge it happened. It'll probably also stop them from trying to push him into relationships like they do with Damian. He can't stomach the thought of dating currently. He's happy just sticking to platonic affection for now.

[starcurtain]

A Closer Look at the Phaidei Memory

I've seen so many people talking about this scene with Phainon and Mydei and making fun of how blatantly obvious Phainon is about his... respect for Mydei's... conspicuous body, but one thing I feel like a lot of people missed (or at least I haven't seen anyone discussing) is that this memory seems to come from very early on in their acquaintance.

Looking at it closely, it's clear that the two aren't particularly familiar with each other yet in this memory sequence. For one, Phainon questions things that he should easily know if he was well-acquainted with Mydei already.

First, very comically: "Do you even bathe, bro?"

And second, Phainon questions why Mydei isn't immune to the black tide:

This suggests that, up to the point of this memory, Phainon had not been in enough battles with Mydei (or at least close enough to Mydei) to see him be affected by the black tide. Apparently, this memory-Phainon-and-Mydei don't have years of rushing into battle side-by-side to defend Okhema yet.

It's also hilariously clear that the Phainon in this memory has absolutely no idea how to talk to Mydei.

Breaking this scene down, it's literally Phainon just trying really hard to strike up conversation, doing his best to try to crack the tough exterior and get Mydei to actually interact with him. He jumps around through topics rapidly--the baths, the black tide, their personal sparring--looking for anything that will catch Mydei's attention.

Meanwhile, we can tell that Mydei is not particularly familiar or comfortable with Phainon yet because his dialogue is so different from any of his other scenes in the game. Although Mydei is obviously not the game's biggest yapper, he does always have full sentences to contribute to other conversations and banters readily with Phainon whenever he's baited into it.

In this memory, he instead starts off polite but also completely aloof:

This is the exact sort of response you'd have to a vague acquaintance coming up and trying to talk to you like you're best friends. Phainon skipped at least four steps of familiarity here, and Mydei is obviously at a loss for why the conversation is even happening.

He responds by blatantly stonewalling, answering Phainon's (slightly pathetic) attempts to start an actual conversation in nothing but single word answers:

You can even see Phainon recognize how bad he's failing half way through the conversation, which prompts him to vocally declare that he's going to make a complete topic switch:

And this time, it works!

When Phainon brings up their personal duel or spar, whichever it was, finally, finally Mydei caves and engages in the conversation with him:

Which prompts Phainon to laugh (in relief? lol) and flat out crow about how he's finally cracked the code and figured out how to get Mydei to notice him:

Poor Mydei, however, did not seem to realize his slight display of interest was going to lead him into a full conversation, and he responds to Phainon's blatant invitation to keep talking with a confused:

Witness Mydei accidentally turning down Phainon's request for a date in real time.

The only thing that complicates the situation is what Phainon says late in the memory: that they've battled "all this time." However, looking at his earlier comments, this last statement may just be in a general sense, as in "two Chrysos Heirs who have been fighting the titans for years," especially as the rest of the line "How do you train? Would you consider teaching me?" once again indicates a lack of close familiarity.

(It's also possible this line is just poorly translated in English, and was actually meant to refer to their legendary ten-day-long duel: "We battled all that time, yet I never saw you fatigued." Given the rest of the lines in the memory, I think "dodgy translation" honestly makes the most sense here, and would also just have really funny implications: Phainon and Mydei didn't fall in love at first sight; they fell in comically-long-duel at first sight. Okay, maybe for Phainon it was both.)

Phainon's earlier statements in the memory make it clear that he isn't very experienced with fighting Mydei specifically, with the overall implication of the dialogue being that they've just had their first duel against each other recently:

So anyway, where I am going with all this?

I know a lot of people got distracted by Phainon's (accidental?) pass at Mydei in the first line, but I think taking a step back and looking at the scene as a whole, in context, makes it even more hilarious and off-the-cuff:

Phainon and Mydei aren't well-acquainted in this scene.

Phainon literally walked up on a guy he barely knows and the first words that fell out of his mouth were "Dan Nicky your bobbies." "I would know that body anywhere."

Even Mydei was weirded out at first!

Like, Phainon has absolute foot-in-mouth syndrome around his new "friend." He spends the whole conversation narrating his own attempts to communicate ("Ah, I see I am unwanted. Instead of leaving, I shall try another tactic. Is it working yet?" and "Yes, yes, yes, it worked!") like this is a remotely normal thing to do around a person you're not even close with yet.

You can see his puppy tail wagging. He wants to be friends with Mydei so bad.

He is actively making up excuses to try to get Mydei to spend time with him here--first the comment about "Yay, you're here!" at the baths like he expects them to bathe together, then the whole "Why don't we go somewhere and have a long conversation about the insights we gained from rolling around in the dirt together?" to finally just flat out asking Mydei to train with him.

It's so charmingly earnest, straightforward, and even a bit awkward that I think this scene is really under-rated by the fans. It's not just another example of Phainon commenting on Mydei's muscles--it's a glimpse into what they were like before they were close and just how much Phainon wanted to connect to Mydei, how willing he was to explore to discover exactly what Mydei would be interested in so that he could seize that common ground between them.

Really a masterclass in showing us fans characterization right on the cusp of changing, and for showcasing both Phainon's charming audacity and Mydei's surprisingly-reserved-around-strangers behavior.

And, since we know the future that memory-Phainon-and-Mydei are headed toward... we also know it worked! Mydei is smiling by the end of the conversation! He and Phainon are going to become vitriolic best buds--er, rivals--and Phainon is going to get all the spars he wants.

Persistence pays off!

[patchwork-crow-writes]

I was discussing the new Deltarune chapters with a friend yesterday, and in the wake of Chapter 4 and some of the foreshadowing surrounding Asgore, something struck us about him.

Asgore comes across as a goof, a complete wreck of a man who gives away his flowers instead of selling them, to the point where the Mayor Carol is apparently threatening to kick him out. His constant attempts to woo his former wife Toriel are as doomed as they are cringeworthy. He comes across as an all-around loser who can't get his act together, neither for love nor for money, who has to resort to eating free pickles from Sans, the man who we now know is cavorting with Toriel.

...and yet.

Asgore was the chief of police, before he was apparently forced to step down in disgrace (the details of which are unclear to us due to Kris's avoidance of the topic) - this is a role that would require a great deal of competence and expertise, not to mention strength and dedication. It's mentioned that Undyne, his successor, struggles to fill his boots in the position, which suggests that he was respected in his role, and supposedly did a satisfactory job in it.

Now, in Chapter 4, we see Asgore emerge from the bushes after church to try and gift Toriel yet another bouquet. She, of course, beats a hasty retreat, whereupon he gives Kris a single rose (remember this - this will be important later).

Then, at the Holiday Residence, while clambering through the air vents as the SOUL, we can find Asgore in the bathroom, apparently employed by Carol as a housekeeper, at which point he'll talk about settling something "once and for all" and that he's "got to look again". We can find him again in Carol's bedroom, mentioning something about showing Toriel "what really happened" and that she'll "have to believe me" that he was "just trying to protect everyone."

It's clear that Asgore is using his access to the Holiday household in order to find some sort of evidence that will shed light on an unspecified event... which we would assume to be Dess's disappearance, the event that would have seemingly resulted in his dismissal from the force. All of this to say that Asgore is not quite the complete failure of a person he's made out to be in prior chapters - he's looking for something, and he has a plan to set some kind of record straight and make it so that his family can be happy again.

Right, and what does any of this have to do with Kris, exactly? Why is the giving of a single rose to his child significant? Well, the short answer is - I think that Asgore knows, or has figured out, that Kris is being manipulated and coerced by Carol. It's not much of a stretch to assume this - Kris is his child who he loves dearly, enough to bearhug them when we first meet him in Chapter 1, and he could have deduced that something was amiss with them through his skills as a former police chief. But he wouldn't be able to act directly to help them, seeing how Carol has such a tight leash on the both of them. So they'd have to communicate in secret.

In code.

Look again at the screenshot at the top of this post. Look at how Asgore is winking, and how he says "Our secret." We didn't think about it before, because we just assumed Asgore was being his usual hopelessly Divorced self... but stop now and consider how ridiculous this premise is. It's NO secret whatsoever that Asgore gives his flowers away, and many of them to Toriel. On top of that, there's a decent chance he KNOWS she won't even look at them, even if Kris DID give them to her. Because they were never meant for Toriel in the first place.

Asgore is giving flowers to Kris as a coded form of communication - something that I expect he'd have good knowledge of as, again, a former chief of police. And it's not unreasonable, again, to assume that perhaps Kris might have picked up on some of this, growing up with their adoptive father being in the force. And Carol would have great difficulty detecting the code in the first place, because that's just what bumbling old Asgore does - he gives flowers away to EVERYBODY. And even if she thought something was up, surely he's not sending coded messages to everyone in Hometown, right? Of course not - they're chaff, noise to obscure the fact that he is communicating with Kris right under her nose.

We can skip the bouquet in chapter 1, but we cannot skip the rose in chapter 4. Whatever message he meant to impart to Kris, they WILL have picked up on it, and it's something that may become significant in Chapter 5, which is heavily implied to take place in Asgore's flower shop.

Has Asgore had us all fooled this entire time?

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi Mx. GatewayDrug

I’m a proud mum of a 13yo trans boy who has only just started puberty blockers after starting menstruation 6 months ago. I never received great healthcare (which is probably how I ended up pregnant at 14) and didn’t see a gyno until I was 6 months pregnant and only sporadically since but I’m trying to be better with my son - I don’t know if or when he should see a gynaecologist. Is it more of a ‘uterus havers should see one every x years starting from this point’ or at his age more of a ‘only see if there’s a problem or he needs bc’ situation?

I’m still trying to navigate what parts of my own health were neglected and how to fix it/catch up, but I’m trying my best to stay on top of his to give him a better quality of life.

Thanks, and I really appreciate all you’ve done - it’s been so helpful for both myself and my son!

hi anon,

thank you so much for sending this ask! it's always great to see parents showing up to support their trans kids and making sure that they have the best care possible :)

unless there are any specific health concerns or pubescent development doesn't proceed as expected, most teens are good to hold off on visiting the gynecologist for an exam until they turn 21 or have partnered sex for the first time - whichever comes first. delayed puberty, in this case, obviously refers to a delay that isn't purposefully induced brought on by puberty blockers - for instance, if someone having an estrogen-based puberty, who was NOT using puberty blockers, had reached 17 without developing breasts or starting their period, that would be considered unusual. since it seems like your young dude was otherwise set to start his period at a pretty typical age, that's likely not something you need to worry about.

as I said, regular exams won't be necessary until he's a bit older, at which point he can consult with a healthcare provider about how frequently he should be receiving gynecological exams. many healthcare providers recommending exams that include pap smears take place either every 3 or 5 years, but annual wellness checkups are also an option, if not mandatory.

in the meantime, you can help prep your lad by discussing the importance of his future healthcare with him. gynecological care can be daunting for many trans men, given that it can often be severely dysphoria-inducing, but it is important care to receive for anyone who still has a vagina, cervix, uterus, and ovaries (or any combination thereof). you can help get him ready by talking about things like how to research gender-affirming and trans-informed care providers, the importance of getting pap smears to prevent cervical cancer (and getting him an HPV vaccine, if he hasn't already had it!), and what changes to his body he can expect if he ever decides to use testosterone (for example: a vagina that can dry out and atrophy if not remedied with topical estrogen, which WILL NOT counteract or cancel out any testosterone he might take).

I wish you both the best of luck navigating the fraught world of trans healthcare, and I'm glad he has an involved parent like you helping him figure it out :)

[chubsonthemoon]

It is done! This is The Death of Translation, originally written in English by @landwriter, translated into Mandarin by @thirrith. Binding is dos-à-dos, with English version on one side and Mandarin on the other. Bookcloth was handwoven by me, on my rigid heddle loom :3

More under the cut!

Typeset: Fanbinders are Liars

Full stop, this typeset would not have been possible without Eth and all their patience, enthusiasm, and willingness to do even more translating! I reached out to them *checks watch* nearly a year ago in July 2023 (lololol), asking if I could use their translation of TDOT in a surprise bind I wanted to send along with Gloam's author copy of Flower King. They were kind enough to say yes, and even kinder to answer my questions when I reached out six months later in January, when I was finally able to start work on the typeset.

We talked about the many delicious things that are bound to come up when discussing translating not just from English to Mandarin, but also from digital space to meatspace. Some topics I had anticipated, like font questions, translating the colophon, etc. But even with the topics I thought I'd prepared for, there were still things that came up that both surprised and delighted: for example, while AO3's website allows for italics in Mandarin--

--my publishing program doesn't (or at least, it doesn't without needing to manually tilt every character by about 10 degrees). So as a workaround, Eth suggested changing these cases of italics to the font 华文楷体:

Through no one's fault but my own, this ended up being only slightly less work than manually tilting every instance of italics--I wanted to be sure that I got all of them, so I ended up doing a lot of double-checking manually anyway, instead of relying solely on the Search function. There was a lot of cross-referencing with the Word document that Eth was kind enough to provide, as well as squinting and general swearing. I also did the same for the uses of Latin script, manually styling each instance as Garamond to keep it consistent with the English edition:

The only other time I've had to do font surgery this intensive is probably for my typeset for Tell Me About the Big Bang, which I had to port over from a PDF. Folks, hell on earth. Do not recommend XD I remember squinting at my monitor as I had to visually confirm every instance of italics, thinking I will never do this again. Welp, four years later, here were are: fanbinders are liars, LMAO. At the very least, using Eth's Word document at least allowed me to search by styles, so it was a little easier on my eyes. 🙏

Is there a script that I might've been able to use if I was more code-savvy? Probably. But I figured going at it sledgehammer style would be the least hair-pulling way to get the job done, weirdly enough. Still, despite my best efforts, there are a few instances of PMingLiU to Garamond and PMingLiU to 华文楷体 that I know I missed, and I know I missed them because I caught them after I'd printed/cut/folded/sewn/glued (cue more swearing), so Gloam and Eth, my apologies >.< please consider them artifacts of a uniquely handmade object ajslkdjfs

In addition to the fonts, there were also some other fun things Eth and I discussed, like how to translate the notes I usually provide on the colophons! In addition to information on fonts, I also usually include some variation of:

This private, limited edition published by chubsthehamster (Moonham Press, imprint of Renegade Publishing) in 2024. This is chubsthehamster's personal copy. Out of three existing copies, this is the first.

The thing that came up with this, which still tickles my brain to this day, was how Eth chose how to translate "Moonham Press, imprint of Renegade Publishing." To get a better sense of what word to use for "imprint," they asked what the relationship was between Moonham Press and Renegade Publishing, which got me thinking about the relationship between my lil imprint and the wonderful @renegadeguild:

What's all very funny about all of this is that we are now, in fact, going by the name "Renegade Bookbinding Guild," per our most recently updated Code of Conduct. While this renders the wording I asked for out of date (and thus, the wording that made it into the book out of date :'D), I think it's also a testament to how cool the work @renegadeguild is doing--like any artform, fanbinding is alive, with its own evolving language, communities, and ideas about the craft. And I love it, I love it so much. (Was this also a plug for our new-ish website? Perhaps).

There's more I could say here, but this post is already going to be long enough, so I'll move on for now! If you get anything from this section, it's that @thirrith is amazing and very patient and kind, and I'm so grateful that we got to talk shop together. Thank you so much for all your invaluable help with this, Eth! I hope the typeset, though undoubtedly flawed, does your hard work justice!

Binding: Or, SO Much Math. Like, So Much, Guys. (It was worth it, though!)

Whoo, boy! So math was never my strong suit in school, but when I set out to do this bind last year, that wasn't an issue. At first. The dos-à-dos binding, if anything, just requires a little bit of finagling on the usual case-bound format--a bit more math if you want to do an all-cloth cover, like I planned on doing, but nothing I couldn't work out with some trial and error. (My prototype below!)

Then came February, when I took a weaving class with my friend, and then everything kinda exploded.

My original idea was to use some green Duo bookcloth I had on hand (this color, actually)--for those of you not initiated into the Duo cult, Duo is a Rayon bookcloth with a very devoted fan following in Renegade. It's very pretty; the Rayon weave is one color, and the paper backing is usually complementary color, so it has this cool two-toned effect. Duo is in high demand in Renegade circles because sadly, the company that manufactures it went out of business last year. (Although I've heard rumors recently that there's another company making something similar, but the cloth has a really high purchase requirement and is, like, for businesses only I think).

Anyway, I also wanted to have a gold line around the whole book as a kind of bellyband/obi to further connect the two versions of the story (another reason why I chose the dos-à-dos format to begin with heh), as you can see from my scribbled notes here--

But alas! I knew going in that adhering things to Duo is often Problematic, thanks to one very painful experience trying to get some iron-on foil on another bind (the textured surface of Duo just makes it kinda hard to stick or paint stuff on it). So if I wanted a clean, continuous line, the remaining options were to either paint it on a strip of paper that I'd somehow...adhere to the cloth? Or maybe cut different slices of bookcloth and glue them on. I wasn't satisfied with either of those options, though.

Then--the weaving class. I made a scarf, and I love it and I loved making it. But the whole time, I'll not lie, my thoughts were elsewhere.

In short, my decision to weave my own bookcloth kinda came from a few different factors:

The desire to attempt to recreate Duo, that elusive beauty, the one that got away, etc. (I have several yards in my stash, but still). Others have also attempted to recreate it, and I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring.

My current spiral into the deep hole that is fiber arts (it started with crochet, then knitting, then sewing, then weaving, then spinning, and now I'm eyeing quilting! Please help me).

The gold line. It kept bugging me. And when I found weaving, I just thought there was something very neat about the process of actually making the cloth for a dos-à-dos binding from scratch, and especially for this binding. I wanted to bind a story about translation (or rather, the death of it, and yet still the necessity of it--how we must try to communicate, despite of, or perhaps precisely because of, everything that gets lost in the spaces between people, and the tragedy of that loss, and the beauty of what makes it through, and the love always present in the effort regardless), and also, the translation of that story. Weaving is a very meditative process, and with every pass of the shuttle, back and forth, building slowly but surely the fabric that would hold the story that Gloam had written and that Eth had translated, I thought a lot about translation, and the gaps between people, and how we choose our words not just when translating, but when we speak at all. From a design perspective, I used the same colors I would've used had I chosen the Duo bookcloth--green and gold--so the design wasn't too altered in terms of color scheme. But I think the choice to weave the bookcloth--the thing that bound it all together--made the project take on a completely new meaning for me, both in process and in scope, one that hadn't been there when I started. I saw the warp, perhaps, as the original story, laying the groundwork for the weft, the translation; or maybe it was the other way around, with the translation providing the scaffolding for its own, new meaning, choices that Eth had to make with this word or phrase or another building something new, something translated, and the original a live, moving thing that wove over and under each word turned phrase turned story; or maybe it was both. Maybe it didn't matter which was which, in the end. And as I wove, the thing that connected them, that gold line that had started all of this, slowly formed.

All that to say: Good God, was there a lot of math. So much math. That prototype pictured above was actually made specifically so I could calculate exactly how much I needed to weave, lol, because while I certainly had enough thread, I didn't want to have to warp more than once. I'd learned the basics in my class, but the training wheels came off here. I wanted to make my own custom fabric, which meant calculating things like ends per inch, picks per inch, loom waste, shrinkage after washing, the width of that damn gold line, how much I'd need for the hinge, the turn-ins, the boards--the whole nine yards (I didn't actually weave nine yards tho heh). It was all absolutely worth it in the end--so challenging and so, so rewarding!

(And my final reason for weaving the bookcloth? Not gonna lie, It was because I just wanted to see if I could do it LOL. I love trying at least one new thing with each of my binds, and this was it for this project. While I've been bookbinding for a few years now, I'm still very much a beginner weaver, and I'm so excited to continue to learn and experiment! Also, here's a video of me unwinding the cloth from the loom, heh. I used 10/2 Perle cotton in gold and green colors :3)

Also, turns out, you can back handmade cloth the same way you can any other cloth! I backed it using my usual heat-n-bond method, and with some Unryu Tissue in the color Forest. Since the cloth itself is a bit transparent, there are a bunch of really fun fibers you can see when it's held up to the light, but which aren't visible when the cloth is glued down to the boards. Still, knowing they're there still makes me happy :D

Finally, capping all this off, is one final, small detail I really liked: ginkgo leaf endpapers :3 this one's for me and Eth and Gloam specifically <3

Aaaand that's all from me for today, folks! Thus ends (several months late XD) my last Binderary project for the year. This was probably my most ambitious bind to date, and gosh it was so, so much fun.

And, of course, thank you so much to Gloam for sharing your story, and Eth for translating it. I can't wait for y'all to receive your copies soon!

All my love! <3

[cheeseceli]

When you struggle to eat

Pairing: Ot8!skz × Gn!reader (individually)

Genre: hurt/comfort, fluff, reactions

Request: reader thinking she eats "too much" and decides to eat way less for her body image, and how the skz boys would react to that.

Warnings: eating struggles will be discussed; reader has body image issues; mentions of food multiple times; use of petnames in Chan and Changbin's

Disclaimer: this was made with the purpose to comfort anyone who's going through a similar situation. If I made a mistake and made someone uncomfortable/aggravated the situation, please do tell me and I'll correct or delete this post immediately, whatever is preferred. Topics related to eating disorders will be discussed here, please don't read if that's something that triggers you.

Bang Chan - is ready to listen to all your worries

‌We all remember Chan's Room right?

‌He's ready to spend hours if needed just to understand what you're going through ‌and where your insecurities are coming from

‌At the same time, he will never judge you

‌So you know he's your safe place

Constantly checks up on you even if he's far away through texts and calls

And if there's someone who's aggravating the situation or making you insecure, you can bet he's gonna solve the situation himself

"Talk to me baby. What's going on in that mind of yours, hm?"

Lee Know - eats with you

Probably the first to realise something's off, considering food is almost his love language atp

Likes to have as many meals with you as possible

‌He usually makes a mountain of food in his plate, so you don't worry about the amount of food in yours

‌And he also runs errands with you

‌Especially those like buying food

‌You don't even gotta ask, he would be volunteering on the first opportunity

‌Also cooks for you, whatever you want

"Do you want to eat anything? I can cook"

Changbin - Hype man

‌Your personal hype man fr

‌Is ready to compliment you in absolutely everything

‌The best part is that you know that his compliments are always genuine

‌What do you mean you didn't like that trousers?? You looked fantastic in it! That shirt made you look even more gorgeous

‌He has known you for so long and still, he always finds something new to compliment you on

But even if after all the reassurance you want to change the way you look, he will be by your side to help you do it in a safe and healthy way

"You look perfect, baby. I promise. Actually, I still don't believe I managed to pull someone so beautiful like that"

Hyunjin - has all meals with you

‌And with that, I really mean all meals

‌Breakfast, lunch, dinner, you name it

‌Even if you can't really get out of your work place or your university, he's going there then

‌He just doesn't want you to be by yourself

‌He also always has something to say during those meals

‌News about their comeback, gossip at jyp, stories from his childhood...

He never fails to admire you a lot in those moments as well, never letting you forget how much he loves and appreciates you

‌He does that hoping it will distract you from the food, so you can be more at ease

"Have I ever told you about the time Kkami bit my ankle? I think I still have the scar."

Han - makes you feel beautiful

‌He truly doesn't understand how you don't think you're the most beautiful human being to ever set foot on this earth

‌In his eyes, you were born perfect

‌So, naturally, he makes it his mission to make you see yourself in his point of view

‌Compliments and adores you

‌Will make you feel beautiful, pretty, sexy, cute... Whatever you wanna be

‌Above all, he'll make you feel loved

"No matter what size, you'll always be my love. Don't forget that."

Felix - distracts you

‌With that, I mean that he tries to take your attention off food and body image related subjects

‌Before and after eating, he will always bring you along to activities where your mind can be turned off

‌So many fun dates!!

‌Even during the meals he'll have a similar idea to hyunjin and simply won't shut up

‌Most of his compliments don't involve around your body, so you really don't think about it

"I love this hairstyle of yours. It looks wonderful"

Seungmin - protects you

‌In a sense that no one even dares to comment on your looks/habits

Even if he isn't there with you

‌That because he made it very clear that everyone should watch their mouths around you

‌For as long as he's around you, he will do his best and more to protect you from harmful comment

Also tries to experiment a lot of different foods with you all the time, so you never feel like that's a burden or a bad thing

"Hey, have you heard about the new restaurant close to home? The food is peruvian. We could have dinner there tonight."

I.N - physically reassures you

‌He loves you and every single part of you, including your looks

I believe he was a bit lost in the beginning, not exactly sure on how to help you

‌But even if his words aren't exactly his biggest strength, he still wants to reassure you as much as he can

‌So he does that with his touch

‌Holding you on his lap, kissing all of your "imperfections" and tracing patterns in your skin

‌Anything that can ground, reassure and give you comfort at the same time

"Have I ever told you how perfect you are? I should tell you that more."

Masterlist | you'll probably like: when you're overworked (ateez comfort)

Thank you for reading<3 I hope this was able to help someone

» I won't put the taglist on this one as I don't want to tag anyone in something that can possibly trigger them «

Dividers by @/cafekitsune, images 1 2 3

Thank you so much for the beta readers: @duhgurl @beebee18 @applekiwi3202 @elqivxstxr @mrsunshine999 @msauthor

[sematarygirls]

🍼 ⊹ᡣ𐭩₊⋆ ─── rafe thinks academic!reader wants a baby

   Rafe was absolutely certain that you were trying to subtly hint at wanting to have a baby with him. At the first comment, he assumed you were ovulating because you always did get a little bit of baby fever when you were, but then, you just kept showering him with random facts about the development of infants and toddlers to the point that he started to believe you were dropping hints.

Rafe wasn't someone who liked to play games. He preferred to be told things straight up, no beating around the bush, but being with you, he'd noticed that you had a habit of trying to subtly slide what you wanted into conversation, so you didn't have to directly ask. Almost like you were trying to make him think it was his idea, not yours—apparently, those psychology classes were really paying off.

It had gotten to the point where he had confided in Topper and Kelce, asking them if that's how it sounded to them—bad idea, Topper and Kelce are the last people to go to for relationship advice—to which they both agreed that it definitely sounded as though you were trying to suggest Rafe should get you pregnant.

The idea was completely out of the blue. You both were still so young, and you were still in school trying to get your degree in psychology. You two had only been dating for a couple of months and had never discussed marriage or engagement because it all felt so new to both of you. After all, Rafe was still reforming from his playboy ways and party lifestyle, and you hadn't been in many relationships prior to being with him.

He had originally decided to try his best to ignore your little comments, hoping you would eventually drop the subject altogether. Rafe had never really thought about kids, and he definitely didn't think he was dad material, his fear of turning out like his own father overshadowing the desire deep down to have a child—one he often pushed aside and tried to ignore.

But, you hadn't given up. If anything, it seemed like your mentions of children became more and more frequent—whether that was true or he just believed it was because he was hard-core stressing about it remained unclear. Eventually, Rafe decided he had to address it and make sure you knew that he wasn't planning on having kids with you antime soon, even if it seemed a little harsh to say considering how enthusiastic you seemed.

"Did you know after about a year, the pace at which children learn words accelerates rapidly, and by eighteen months, the average child is learning a new word every day?" You tore your gaze away from your phone screen to look over at him, a bright, proud smile on your face. You were sat in the passenger seat of his truck after he picked you up from your classes, intending to bring you back to Tannyhill, so you two could hang out.

"Okay, you've really gotta cut that shit out," Rafe said, a lot harsher than he intended to. He had already had a bad day, and he just wanted to relax with his girlfriend, not try to decode you and your baby talk. He was tired of dancing around the issue, and his stress only brought that out, making him snap at you.

Your brows furrowed, smile faltering at his words. He had never spoken to you like that before, and you couldn't for the life of you figure out why a little fact of all things had elicited such a reaction. He usually loved hearing all about your little facts, constantly telling you how sexy your intellect was to him. "What?" You simply asked, too hurt and confused to vocalize why his outburst seemed so completely out of the blue.

"Listen I," he took a deep breath, his grip on the steering wheel tightening for a moment before he relaxed again. "I don't want to have a baby with you," he said bluntly. Noticing how cruel that may have sounded, he decided to add an: "Atleast... not right now, alright?"

Your face was a mask of pure confusion. You weren't so much hurt anymore as utterly lost. Where did the topic of you two having children come from? "Rafe, what are you talking about?" You asked, not understanding where he could have possibly got the idea that you wanted to have a baby with him.

He glanced over at you, his own features morphing into an expression that mirrored yours. "All the baby facts and shit. I thought," he paused, wondering if he had read the situation all wrong, but that didn't make sense. It had been pretty fucking apparent to him, Topper, and Kelce that you were dropping baby hints. "I thought you were... yknow trying to tell me something."

You processed the new information for a moment before bursting into laughter to which Rafe glanced rapidly between you and the road, his brows only furrowing farther as he watched you laugh as if he'd said the most hilarious thing conceivable. "Oh, baby," you said softly, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder when your fit of hysterics finally died down. "No, I definitely was not hinting at anything. I am so swamped with school and work that I barely have time for you, let alone a child."

"What?" Rafe asked, relief flooding through him at your confirmation that you weren't trying to subconsciously trick him into wanting a baby with you through your little psychology tricks. Simultaneously, he felt extremely dumbfounded as to your motivations. "Then why have you been talking about kids so much recently?" He quirked an eyebrow, pulling into the driveway of his family's estate.

"Because we're covering the development and learning unit in my psych course, which obviously focuses a lot on the earlier stages of life aka infancy and childhood," you explained, watching realization dawn on him like a light bulb turning on in a dark, empty room. "I didn't think I had to spell that out for you since i'm always hitting you with random facts from class."

Rafe parked the car and unbuckled his seatbelt so he could turn to face you. "Okay, so just to be crystal clear, you weren't trying to use fuckin'...i dont know- subliminal messaging and weird psychobabble voodoo to like, make me want to get you pregnant?"

You laughed, unbuckling your own seatbelt, so you could face him too. "No, you idiot. You're so ridiculous," you grinned, leaning over to give him a peck on the lips. "I promise you I don't want children right now, and if that ever changes, I will talk to you about it and not use subliminal messaging or weird psychobabble voodo."

"Okay, good," he nodded, opening his car door. "Topper and Kelce swore that you were trying to play some kind of mind game."

"Why would you listen to Topper and Kelce of all people?" You asked, following suit in getting out of the car, your brows furrowing as he mentioned the two people who have yet to hold a stable, healthy relationship for any period of time. "They're the world's biggest idiots."

"Yeah, you're right," he grinned, walking over to you and slinging his arm around your shoulder as you two walked to the front door. "I'm sorry for snapping at you," he murmured. pressing a kiss to your temple.

"It's okay," you reassured him, sliding your hand onto his back and rubbing soft, soothing circles. "Just promise you'll talk to me next time instead of letting it build up and fester until you get to the point where you feel like snapping."

"I promise," he vowed, ushering you into the house. "Now let me show you—my beautiful, intelligent, and amazing girlfriend—how sorry I really am," he gave your ass a little tap, making his intentions clear as he steered you toward the staircase, your giggles echoing through the empty house.

tags .ᐟ   @starkeysprincess / @cometmultiverse / @iheartjjmaybnk / @all4l0vee / @kissesfrmriri / @xoxohoneymoongirl / @bradshawed / @fallbhind

[skaetlett]

IT'S TRUE FOLKS! I'll be presenting at Dashcon 2 about cancer care, advocacy, and prevention for trans and neurodiverse people!! I'll be speaking at 4:30pm, and I'll be talking about a variety of topics including medical self-advocacy, unique issues trans and neurodiverse people face, my personal experience as a Lynch syndrome patient, exciting new research on accessible care and prevention, amongst many other topics!

Dashcon 2 is doing a fantastic fundraiser for the Canadian Cancer Society, and if you can’t come to Dashcon 2, please consider donating! If the OG Dashcon can raise $17,000, so can we :)

As you all know, I have Lynch syndrome, and cancer prevention, advocacy and care is a topic near and dear to me. My experiences as an autistic and trans patient revealed a lot of inequities that are important to discuss. I’m excited for this opportunity to discuss this important topic <3

[thankyoulovely]

squabble (arthurtv)

you dislike confrontation, and there is a misunderstanding with a certain minion

just trying out something new. inspired by chris' soccer saturday video. some sentences might be clunky, my bad! my fanfic writing is quite rusty. no use of y/n!

fluff, angst, happy ending :>, ~4.5k words

You really didn't like confrontation.

You had had your fair share of conflicts, but nothing too major. If you could avoid it, you did. You didn't understand getting in meaningless fights. Even if others managed to get into ugly disputes, it made your anxiety go through the roof. So, you would just ignore it.

Today, it felt like it was going to be unavoidable.

Chris invited you to join them in his Soccer Saturday video, to keep Becky some company and have fun with your mates. This wasn't your first time on camera, but it would be your first appearance on Chris's channel.

Befriending them was just a random coincidence. You had briefly met Liv, Bach's girlfriend, on a night out a year ago. You had lost your phone and she helped you find it. You talked for a bit until you had to leave with your own friend group in a hurry. When you got home, you realised you never asked for her name or socials. Four days later, you bumped into her on the tube and after talking with her a bit, you finally had the courage to ask for her Instagram so you could keep in contact with her. This was out of your comfort zone, but she seemed really cool - and you thought you needed to socialise more anyway. When getting off your stop and checking your phone, you saw the notification - she followed you on Instagram.

From there, you guys would talk to each other on socials ever so often. A month later, she invited you to the pub to meet her boyfriend and friends.

Honestly, you thought you were really awkward that night. There were suddenly so many new people - Isaac, Flo, George, Arthur Hill, Chris, ArthurTV, Becky - who all were interested in getting to know you. Liv convinced you that the night went great and you had nothing to worry about. Clearly she was correct, as you would consider them all your good friends now.

As time went on, the more comfortable you got on camera. Your first time was definitely awkward, as you and George reacted to X Factor. The next time you partook in playing Fortnite with George and both Arthurs, showing off your rusty skills you had developed during quarantine. You were meant to be in a ChrisMD video playing football earlier, but chickened out. Now, there was no escape. Chris insisted on you joining "the legends" for a fun night out somewhere in England.

You do admit the obvious - they are all good-looking. This tipsy confession is not the first time you have admitted this, but realised as soon as you met them. It felt like a ruse. How can they all be handsome and blessed with lovely personalities? In this day and age, it seemed impossible - but the five men in front of you proved otherwise.

Arthur especially had caught your eye. You could relate to his silences during night-outs, knowing the feeling of your social battery running out. Even if you weren't as knowledgeable on some topics as he was, you still listened to his rants and gave your own opinions as well. He really appreciated your opinion.

Your appearance on the Bach & Arthur Podcast is one of your recent favourite memories. You had been really nervous to just sit in front of multiple cameras for 90 minutes and.. talk about yourself. It felt unfamiliar. Arthur helped you alleviate your nerves.

"I promise it isn't as bad as it may seem. I know you're here for just one episode, but you get used to it. And, I have it all structured anyway. No awkward silences unless you make them."

You huffed with a smile, "Thanks, now I will accidentally shut up every time out of pressure."

He laughs and pushes your knee lightly, "I won't let that happen. You will do great."

And you did. You genuinely had such a great time fooling around with Isaac and discussing sea otters with Arthur. If you hadn't acknowledged your crush on Arthur before it, you definitely had after it.

You really liked him. And you thought he liked you too.

Helping him for dates definitely bummed you out a bit, but you didn't let it show. You thought this feeling would pass at one point. Months passed, and it just didn't. You had to navigate your feelings to ensure your friendship would remain unharmed. So far, it was successful.

As you were finally getting off the train, you couldn't help but sneak a peek at him. Looking at him, you realised he had done the same. You both smiled.

------------------

When the cameras weren't on you anymore, you dropped your head into your hands. You were incredibly tipsy, bordering on drunk. You felt Becky hold you from behind. She was drunkenly yelling gibberish to no one. When she stops, she starts swaying you from side to side, now opting to talk quieter into your ear.

"You alright, love?" she manages to squeeze a hiccup in-between her words.

You let your tipsy self sway along with her, smiling ear to ear, "I am quite alright, darling," you try to face her as you roll your r's. You notice the camera is on the both of you.

You turn around, Becky's hands now holding your upper arms, "Where is everyone?" you ask her.

Becky starts to point behind you when you hear Arthur yell "OH MY GOD" and walk towards an alley with Isaac and the cameraman. You both giggle as you lightly jog to see what the commotion is about.

As you approach, you hear barking and Arthur asking whether they can take a selfie with a local's dog for the bingo game the group were meant to play. He is so goddamn polite and cute. Arthur and Isaac are petting the dog as you both pose for the group photo.

You're crouching in-between Arthur and Isaac, trying to hold your peace sign and not fall over on the dog. Unexpectedly, Arthur puts his hand on your shoulder to stabilise you, which makes your heart skip a beat. After the crew takes the picture, Arthur tries to lightly push you to the ground. However, you didn't fall over and pushed him instead.

Becky and Isaac double over in laughter as Arthur makes a dramatic fall to the ground. In an unsuccessful attempt, you're holding back yours. 

Arthur covers his face with his hands in embarrassment. You give him a hand to pull him up from the ground. Again, he tries to pull you on the ground, but his hand slips and he thumps against the ground, letting out a laugh.

"Oi! Behave now!" Isaac jokingly yells, as him and Becky were already walking back towards the street. This time, Arthur thankfully pulls himself up with your help.

Walking out of the street, you slightly lean into Arthur.

"What were you even attempting to do?" you laugh out.

He starts laughing again, and you glance at his face. His laugh, his smile, his perfume - they're all making you weak in the knees.

"Was that not obvious? I-" he breaks into laughter again, "I wanted you to stumble! Are you stapled to the ground or something?"

The alcohol in you makes you brave enough to pull off a smirk at him, "I think you just suck," and you face Isaac as you guys decide to find the rest of the guys.

Arthur and Becky fell into conversation - you could hear him mentioning the dog - and you looked at Isaac, who was mumbling nonsense into the camera. He notices you standing next to him and stops whatever strange thought he had performed for the camera.

"Right, how are you? Is Arthur being too weird?" he asks in a playful manner.

You riff off of his banter, "When isn't he weird?", and he fake giggles for the camera.

"In all seriousness, the alcohol is hitting, but-", you hiccup, "I'm fine. And I love you all."

Isaac awws sarcastically, but you could tell that he kind of meant it.

In the midst of this, you walk past a couple dressed up as minions. You ignore them and keep walking down the street, immediately catching on that they're not as chill as they may seem. They had caused some sort of ruckus already with other people next to them. You look behind you to see Isaac looking at them and the others spotting them as well.

You recognise Arthur's voice from afar shouting "Oh my god, it's a minion- what the fuck!"

This makes you cringe. Why is he unnecessarily reacting to them like that? Did he have to say something? You were aware that this man liked to put people in uncomfortable social situations for his own amusement, but a random couple in a costume in Doncaster late into the night seemed to be the wrong crowd to entertain.

You catch Isaac suddenly talking to them, trying to calm the man down as Arthur adds irrelevant adlibs - "It's a grumpy minion!" - to the already out-of-control situation.

Barely seconds pass and the situation gets worse. You feel your anxiety rising in your lungs, all the way up your throat. You shut your eyes, trying to ignore the squabble.

You didn't need to see that something got more out of hand. You hear the crew get involved and Arthur's voice still shines through it all.

You really hated confrontations. Even if you weren't involved.

At this point, you are panicking way more than you probably should. You feel like you can't breathe, and you couldn't stay here. So you just sprinted down the street, hoping to catch the other guys and a peaceful setting. You don't hear the crew and Isaac shouting your name.

Through your very slightly teary eyes, you catch sight of cameras and bright lights, knowing that they must belong to the group. You quickly swipe your fingers under your eyes to wipe any tears and you approach George first.

He instantly knows something is off, but doesn't make a big thing out of it, just prompting to ask you, "Is everything okay?"

You just nod. You don't trust your voice to convince them of something they won't believe anyway. Arthur Hill and Chris keep insulting each other's heads off. George stays by your side, trying to make sure you're okay and taking pictures with fans.

Chris starts cackling, "why are they shouting your name?", as you also hear it now - mixed voices saying your name in the middle of a random street. You wave your hands in their direction and also a thumbs up.

Becky gets there first, holding your shoulders, "Was that necessary, love? We were worried!"

The crew share the same sentiments, somewhat telling you off but not in a rude way.

"I really am sorry. The confrontation just got really out of hand really quick and I know it's silly-"

"That was one grumpy minion!" Arthur buts in, pointing his finger up in the air. You just stare at him in disappointment. Isaac shushes him.

"It was a misunderstanding. I was telling the fella to calm down and he just did that!" Isaac expresses, still clearly annoyed at the situation.

Becky hugs you, reassuring you: "It's alright, love. I coulda ran with you!"

You could tell Chris, George and Arthur Hill were utterly confused, but all of them making a mental note of inquiring about this later.

You say this to no one exactly, just mostly every person there, "I still am very sorry. I just really can't stand confrontations."

They all indicate that you're forgiven. They knew you didn't like them. This wasn't the first time that something similar to this had happened. Around 8 months ago, you went to a pub with an even bigger group of UK Youtubers. At one point, some guy got angry over you bumping into him and he tried to instigate an argument with you. Thankfully, some guys nearby told the guy to fuck off and Arthur offered to spend time with you. He calmed you down and made sure you were alright, holding your hand underneath the table at the booth you were sitting. When the others were drunkenly bantering, he talked your ear off with random fun facts he had learned from a documentary he watched. You were both giggling together late into the night and right up until he walked you home.

You realised in bed that night that he kept you distracted from the uncomfortable situation you got into. He made sure you were alright and had someone to laugh with. Fuck.

This was the night you realised. Realised that what he did was so kind and lovely that you wanted more of it.

You really wished he could be doing the same now.

Maybe it was Doncaster, maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was the amount of fans they met, maybe it was the grumpy minion... but his carelessness? really put you off at that moment. Was it something you did?

As this thought kept burning, you took a sip of your water.

------------------

You had been subconsciously avoiding Arthur for the rest of the night. In the next pub, you sat next to Becky, keeping up conversations with everyone else. When you went to get food, you sat with Isaac and George, laughing your head off at their Scottish conversation. At the racecourse, you still stuck around Becky, goofing around with her as the effects of alcohol were slowly wearing off of you. At the stadium, you were exhausted and ever so ready to lay your head on a hotel pillow and fall asleep.

After posing for the end of the video, Chris called three different taxis - the group and the crew having to split themselves equally between them. You jumped in one of them, where Chris and Becky were already sitting with one of the crew members.

Before Chris could close the door, Arthur pops his head in. He looks around until his eyes fall on you. Your breath hitches in anticipation.

"Join me in the other taxi? We have plenty room for you."

You replied to him sarcastically, "Well, I'm already seated and too comfy. And I wanna sleep already!"

You catch his disappointed glance at you, and then Chris shoos him away from the door, shouting at him to get back into his taxi.

The car finally starts moving and you close your eyes.

You are aware that you're probably being quite silly about the whole situation. Thinking back on it, maybe he was just too socially awkward to show you some comfort over the heated exchange.

However weird it may be, the thought of the "grumpy" minions gives you goosebumps. You later heard Isaac telling the other guys that the guy grabbed him from his collar. You were kind of glad you hadn't noticed that.

Chris' question pulls you out of your thoughts.

"So, for your first ChrisMD video appearance, how do you think it went?" He smiles cheekily, waiting for your honest opinion.

You sigh, sharing the same sentiments you had been sharing all night to your friends, "Fucking amazing. Who knew Doncaster would be so fun?"

Becky cheers to that and Chris nods his head.

"What would you say was your favourite moment?"

You think about it for a second before blurting out, "The food we had. It was fucking heavenly."

This time, Becky asks you a question instead.

"What happened between you and Arthur? The poor fella looked so lost after we all met up again."

"What's with all the questions? Am I doing a post-game interview, straight off the pitch?" The sarcasm evident in your reply, they all laugh at your response.

"I just know you won't tell me tomorrow, so I'm asking you now, love." Becky says, leaning towards you.

You sigh again, knowing she's right. You think it through in your head before you answer her question.

"I-I don't know honestly. The minion encounter really put me off. I was actually, like, freaking out quite bad. I know he likes doing that kind of stuff but... the confrontation really got to me. And while you guys forgave me for running off like a twat, he just... didn't say a word to me. He didn't say anything about it. I just got a little upset, I guess - but I know it's really silly of me."

Your train of thought goes awry for a second.

"He's been there for me multiple times when this kind of stuff has happened. He knows how to calm me down. Ma-... Maybe I was just frustrated in the moment but I just wanted to chill with the other guys."

You look up to see Chris and Becky both nodding at you, invested in your confession.

"I'm not mad at him. I promise I won't let this get weird, I'm sorry-"

You can barely say it before Chris interrupts you.

"Don't be daft, and no need to apologise. I know you guys will talk it through."

You smile at him. You're really glad to have great friends.

------------------

You throw away your cotton pads into the bathroom trashcan as you exit to your bedroom.

Chris was kind enough to give you your own separate room as the others all paired up.

You hadn't felt stable enough for a shower, opting to take one in the morning. You did have to still brush your teeth and remove your makeup.

As you sit down on your bed, as if on cue, someone knocks softly on your door. You smooth out your oversized T-shirt and shorts as you walk to open the door.

Arthur.

You quickly took in his appearance. His hair was messy, his white shirt slightly stained and crumpled. His toned arms were crossed in front of him as he had left his overwear somewhere. His body was leaning on the doorframe. His eyes staring right at you.

"Were you sleeping?"

"No, I was just going to though."

He hums in response. A couple seconds of silence looms over you two.

"Can we talk?"

Your heart drops. It's one of those questions that will always scare the shit out of you. You knew it was bound to happen, but it still frightened you.

You stutter a bit over your words, "Uhm yeah sure, come in," and you move slightly behind the door so Arthur could step in. As he walks towards your bed, you close the door and follow him to your bed for the night. Before Arthur sits down, he looks around the room, and then at you.

"You really packed your pyjamas for this trip? We're leaving tomorrow," a smile etches his face, but it's hard to tell how sarcastic he really is.

"Don't judge. I'd prefer to sleep comfy than in sweaty night-out clothes," you reach to push his shoulder in a joking manner, but you quickly dart your hand to scratch your head, not really knowing how to handle the weird situation at hand. You hope he didn't notice, but he might've - he stares at your hand before taking a seat on your bed.

You sit next to him, putting a little bit of distance between you two. You twiddle your thumbs, hoping he starts off the conversation.

He looks down at his hands as well before speaking up.

"Are you alright?"

This question takes you aback.

"Am I alright?" You repeat back to him, a bit surprised.

This time, he looks at you, "Yes. Are you?"

You force yourself to look at him as well. It has never been difficult to look Arthur in the eyes - if anything, you found yourself staring at him more times than a friend probably would. You liked to admire his style, his outfit he had picked out for that day; his hair and the way it gets more curlier every time you see him. You just really wish it was the same during this moment.

You take a deep breath, "Yeah, I think. I'm doing quite okay right now."

He nods and you quickly ask him the same, "And you? Are you alright?"

A small smile appears on his face again, "I had way too much to drink. My back hurts from falling down the tree and I managed to stub my toe in my hotel room," he starts laughing quietly over his misfortune before continuing, "but I think I am very okay now. Thank you for asking."

You nod in his direction before fading your gaze to the door of your room.

He scooted closer to you, placing his hand on the bed behind your back so you could feel his arm against your back. He leans closer, and with a low voice, asks you:

"Why did you ignore me at the end of the night?"

Your breath gets stuck in your throat. You could feel his bare arm against your sheer shirt, the warmth radiating from his skin. You could feel his breath on your ear, and the smell of beer filled your senses.

You can only mutter out a barely unintelligible "What?"

"I tried to tease you at one of the bars and you... you just didn't do anything. I said a joke, and you didn't laugh; I wanted to talk to you but you just talked with Becky and Arthur; I-I tried to hold you and you just slipped out of my grasp."

Hearing him drunkenly pour his heart out made you feel bad. You really messed up and shouldn't have ignored him like that. At the moment though, you felt like you wanted to hang out with the others and not cling by his side the entire time. Chris pointed this out a couple of months ago, where you two arrived to the pub together, ordered drinks together, sat next to each other and kept falling into pointless rants together. When you were going to go to the bathroom together, Chris complained, "As if you're attached to each other at the hip, get a room!" were his exact words. Ever since then, you've made a conscious effort to spend more time with your other friends as well during night-outs. You still sat with Arthur.

"I just don't know why. I know we can both shut down socially, but you talked with George just fine! Can we please just talk shit out?"

He rambles on more, but you're in your head. You're trying to structure the perfect sentences to get your point across.

You grab his hand, which shuts him up. He looks at the hands, and then back at you.

You huff out a loud breath, "I'm sorry."

Arthur keeps looking intensely into your eyes, and you continue.

"I.. I know when I say it out loud, it's going to sound extremely silly. But I wanted to apologise before-.. uhm before I told you."

He tightens the grip in your hands.

You wipe your eyes with your free hand. You stutter slightly, hoping you stay on track for this.

"The fucking minion. A-and the stupid squabble that happened. It made me really anxious, and hearing you hollering at the man didn't help. I didn't want to get into any stupid fights, but I heard that it could've gone way worse."

You feel your heart thumping in your ears.

"You.. You know I hate confrontations. Even if any of you manage to get into one. It just makes me incredibly anxious. I don't want anyone to get hurt over something stupid- and that minion was stupid to start a fight with."

You giggle at your own words. You hardly believe that a goddamn minion is the reason you're pouring your heart out to your really good friend/crush. You clearly weren't as sober as you thought you were.

Arthur's face stays the same, urging you to finish your thoughts.

You could feel this part was going to be more rogue and straight from the heart.

"I just really wanted to hug you, and selfishly, I wanted you to comfort me like you always have. You just... kinda didn't. And at that moment. I was kinda upset- which is still incredibly silly but the emotions were so high and I was dumb, I sh-"

Arthur interrupts you, sliding his hand onto your shoulder and holding it, "You're not dumb, don't say that."

You don't know how to respond to that. You try to gather your thoughts, but Arthur speaks his mind instead.

"I did want to comfort you, I promise. I was just really drunk at that point, and the minion-" he laughs, "-just had my emotions high. When you ran off, I-I got scared."

This confession surprised you, and you look into his eyes.

"I really did. I was worried for you. I should've done something right away."

You shake your head, "No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have expected you to-"

"I'm sorry. I never want to see you unhappy."

Your eyes widen. Am I overthinking this?

"I mean it." Arthur grabs your cheek as you stare deeply into each others eyes.

The air was thick. Your heart was still pulsing, your breath shaky. You felt that it's now or never.

"You mean so much to me, Arthur."

You didn't know how to convey it any better without being extremely straightforward. Seems to you, he got the idea.

He leans forward, closing the space between you two. He tilts his head slightly, kissing you carefully but passionately. You kiss him back, sliding your hands down his sides.

You felt yourself melt under his touch. It seemed unbelievable that it finally happened. You're kissing Arthur, someone who you had liked for many months now. You didn't think he even would reciprocate this feeling. You smile into the kiss, feeling incredibly lucky.

You separate and lean your foreheads together. In a split second, feeling brave enough, you pull him at his side to lay next to you in your bed. On your sides, you kiss him again and he wastes no time kissing you back. This time, it's frantic, but passionate nonetheless. You slide your hands under his shirt, feeling around his toned abs and holding his side. He has his hand behind your head, pushing you even closer to him. You lose yourselves to kissing each other, never wanting this to stop.

You pull back for air, and Arthur tries to lean back in immediately. You laugh, pushing his shoulder, "I need some air, Arthur."

He laughs as well, staring into your eyes.

"Fuck."

"Fuck indeed."

He pulls you closer, resting his hand on your back.

"I really like you. If you couldn't tell," you bluntly confess to Arthur.

He smiles and kisses your cheek, "I really like you as well."

Nothing is said for a while. You both enjoy the feeling of the kissing session, holding each other close. Arthur breaks this silence,

"If I knew a grumpy minion would get us here, I would've done this so long ago."

------------------

does this even make sense? hopefully it does