#This made me dig up so many old videos

[gffa]

Over the last week, I decided to go ahead with bookmarking all the fics I've recommended over the years on AO3 since I abide by tumblr poll results always (and man pour one out for all the fic that never made it to AO3 or has since been deleted, sooooo many gems lost to time!) and it was a bit more than the ~3,000 I was expecting:

Hopefully, this will be easier than browsing the hundreds of recs posts I've made, since you can filter for any of the author's tags now! These are mostly focused on Star Wars and DC fandom, but I did my time in the anime mines and occasional tours through some TV fandoms or movies. You can dig into everything unfiltered and start your own filtering, or the bigger fandoms you'll find:

MAJOR FANDOMS: Each of these should have 100+ at minimum and, in the case of Star Wars, literally almost half of them are in that fandom. Look, Star Wars fandom might be a trash fire in a lot of ways, but it is ON FIRE with some good fic. (Older bookmarks not guaranteed to match my current sentiments, especially re: the Jedi, but they did catch my fancy at that point in time!)

STAR WARS: - All Star Wars -OR- All Star Wars minus the Obi-Wan/Anakin ship - OR- Nothing BUT Obi-Wan/Anakin

BATMAN/DC: - DC can sometimes be tricky, but you can do a Batman* search and get most of them (though, sometimes Nightwing* or Young Justice* or Superman* will catch some of the others). Honestly, though, you might want to just do a search for what character or dynamic you like and have fun from there, because otherwise you're getting a face full of my Dick Grayson Is The Center Of The Universe And I'm Making That Everyone Else's Problem agenda. ;)

MARVEL/MCU: - Marvel* will probably get most of the various properties, though you may want to filter for Defenders* or Guardians of the Galaxy* if you're interested -OR- Marvel* without the Thor/Loki - These focus a lot on the Thor* fandom if you want to witness the results of like 8 years of constant voracious reading in that fandom (Minus the ship), because, seriously, I read a LOT of Odinson family fic. - Bonus, just do a search for Maximoff* to find some really good X-Men: First Class-verse because, listen, I have been ALL ABOUT the Maximoff twins since long before the movies or MCU brought them over and I will DIE ON THE HILL of "Marvel, make Magneto their bio-dad again or I'm never reading another comic of yours ever".

TOLKIEN/LORD OF THE RINGS/SILMARILLION/HOBBIT: - Tolkien* -OR- Hobbit* -OR- Lord of the Rings* searches will turn up most of my Elf-hunting, I primarily focus on the Sindar Elves, but look I can't resist my problematic Feanorian faves or that I will die on the hill that Fingolfin is the best ever. (You have NO IDEA how sad I am that so much fic on Stories of Arda or FFNET is not easily bookmarked on AO3, sob. I externally bookmarked a few of the bigger ones, but sooo many shorter faves are missing from my recs tag.)

CLAMP: - X/Tokyo Babylon legitimately bums me out because it's not a huge fandom and yet so much of what was written was pre-AO3 and lost when CLAMPesque went down or was never brought over from Livejournal, yet this fandom (well, the Seishirou/Subaru pairing) still burns brightly in my heart.

MINOR FANDOMS: Ones that probably only have under 100 bookmarks (often around the 20-30 bookmarks range), but will at least give you a place to start! ANIME/MANGA: Bleach | Cardcaptor Sakura | Dragonball | Finder no Hyouteki/Viewfinder | Katekyou Hitman Reborn! | Kuroko no Basuke | One Piece | Sailor Moon | Madoka Magica | Naruto | Princess Tutu | Trigun | Weiss Kreuz | Yuri!!! on Ice

BOOKS: Chrestomanci | Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint

DRAMAS: Nirvana in Fire | The Untamed -OR- Modao Zu Shi

TV SHOWS/MOVIES: Community | Game of Thrones -OR- ASOIAF | Good Omens | Hannibal | Highlander | The Old Guard | Our Flag Means Death | Stranger Things

VIDEO GAMES: Dragon Age: Inquisition | Final Fantasy 8 | Genshin Impact | Okami

BANDS: Arashi

All right, whew, that was actually a fun project, despite how much work it was to hunt down a lot of older faves to see if they were on AO3, hopefully you'll find this useful!

[nataliasquote]

Double the trouble | a day out | n romanoff

Part of the ‘Double the trouble AU’

Summary: a day trip with 2 3-year-olds is a lot to handle…

Age: 3 years old

Warnings: none

Pairings: WandaNat

wc: 2.9k

note: this was a request from anon (my first request!) so I hope I did it justice

- ⧗ -

Isla was always the loudest twin. She had all her firsts before her sister; word, steps, you name it, she beat Y/n to it. Which often left the younger girl feeling behind and unworthy, born to only follow in the shadows of her twin sister.

Natasha and Wanda tried their hardest to treat their girls equally, but with Y/n’s reluctance to try anything new and Isla’s strong temperament, they had a difficult situation on their hands.

Being three years old meant days were filled with trips to the park and fun days out for the whole family. Isla had been begging to go to the zoo, the colourful picture books she begged Wanda to read every night cementing her love for animals. Y/n nodded when asked if she wanted to go too. But what was she supposed to say? She did everything Isla did.

But the zoo wasn’t her thing. Whilst her older sister toddled around and pointed animatedly at all the different animals, Y/n stayed beside the stroller, her tiny hands fiddling with the fabric seat as she stared at the concrete pavement. Natasha tried her hardest to involve her, often picking her up so she could see over the fences and pointing to the monkeys who were chasing each other around the enclosure. But the little girl was having none of it, her fist wrapped around the strap of her mama’s tank top.

“What’s the matter maylshka?” Natasha asked, holding Y/n tight to her body as she lead them both over to a nearby bench. “I thought you loved the zoo?”

The small girl shook her head, flaming hair falling loose from its braids. “Isla like zoo. Not me.”

Natasha’s brow furrowed as she looked at her daughter. “But you said you wanted to go?”

Y/n gave her mother a glare. A very familiar one at that. “No. Isla said go. Not me.”

Natasha shifted so her daughter was now sat on her knee. She gently moved a stray piece of hair from her forehead and kissed it gently, rubbing the soft cotton of her t-shirt. “I’m sorry malyshka. I thought you wanted to go too.”

“It’s ok Mama,” Y/n said, placing her cool palms on her mother’s warm cheeks. Natasha smiled softly at the gesture and booped her on the nose, making the young girl giggle. “Can we get ice cream?”

Natasha pretended to think for a moment. “Ice cream? Hmmm, I don’t know.”

“I think yes!”

“Do you? And does Y/n make the rules now?”

The young girl nodded happily, her whole body moving with the force. “Ice cream!”

“Ok, big girl. Let’s get ice cream.” Natasha stood up from her seat and began to set Y/n down on the ground, but the three year old clung to her front like the monkeys behind her, tiny heels digging into Natasha’s waist. There were many things Nat loved about her youngest, but Y/n’s clingy nature was by far her favourite. It made her feel wanted, important.

With a stroller handle in one hand and a child balanced carefully in the other, Nat set off towards the jungle themed cafe she’d spotted on the map by the gate. Wanda had taken Isla off to god knows where, the young girl unable to sit still with so much happening around her.

The cafe itself was rather busy so Natasha expertly manoeuvred the stroller into a corner booth table and kicked the brake down so it wouldn’t roll into anyone’s way. She sank down onto the cushioned blue seat and allowed Y/n to straddle her lap, soft red hair tickling her nostrils as the young girl lay against her mother’s chest.

Natasha quickly scanned her surroundings before pulling out her phone and punching a quick update text to Wanda, who replied back with a video of Isla at the penguin enclosure.

“Look Y/n,” she turned her phone so the young girl could see but Y/n didn’t pay much attention. She watched for two seconds before her head went straight back to Natasha’s collarbone, finding more comfort there than anywhere else. “You’re really not bothered by the zoo, huh?”

Y/n shook her head lazily, her thumb coming up to brush against her lips, a telltale sign for Natasha who was well trained in motherhood.

“I think someone’s tired?” Another sleepy nod. “You wanna go for a nap, detka?” Talking was clearly too much for Y/n, who only replied with yet another nod. Natasha took her response and pulled the stroller close. However, she was met with some resistance as she tried to transfer a now squirmy three year old into her seat. “What’s wrong?”

“-na stay with you,” Y/n mumbled around her thumb before Nat gently prised it out of her mouth. Y/n’s big green eyes blinked up at her tiredly and Natasha couldn’t help but coo at the sight. Her girls were the most adorable things in her life and when they were tired they were so precious.

Nat moved her body back into the corner of the booth and allowed Y/n to swivel around so she was flat against her chest, cheek resting comfortably on the softness of Natasha’s chest. They may not be fed like that anymore, but the twins still found great comfort from their mamas’ chests.

It didn’t take long for Y/n’s breaths to even out and Natasha couldn’t help but take a quick selfie with her daughter, the moment too precious to capture. She stared at her screen with a blissful expression before posting it to her close friends’ instagram story. Only family and the occasional friend was allowed on there, and Yelena of course was the first to send a reply.

@ yelenabelova7

you better be bringing those munchkins to me soon. I want baby Y/n hugs too

Natasha rolled her eyes and laughed as she replied, flawlessly typing even with one hand.

@ natromanoff

i’m impressed you got the twin right. and i’m not putting them on a plane so you’ll have to come here. I know isla would love that.

@ yelenabelova7

I can’t believe you doubt me Natasha. I know my Y/n when I see her. Besides, she’s always clinging to you. You got the quiet one. Wanda has her hands full with the other monkey

@ natromanoff

They’re both our children, Lena. Wands is just happy to be dragged around a zoo. I’d rather sit

@ yelenabelova7

HA! You’re getting old sestra. You’re a mother, not a grandma. Not yet anyway.

Yelena’s comment made Natasha roll her eyes and place her phone down on the table. She cradled Y/n’s head to her chest and rocked her gently back and forth. A smile broke out across her face as she spotted her wife push through the large glass doors, Isla tugging on her arm impatiently.

Natasha held a finger up to her lips as her favourite girls approached, trying not to disturb her youngest. But her efforts were in vain as Y/n recognised the approaching voices and lifted her head to peer around. Wanda bent down and kissed her head softly, brushing her hair back as she pulled away.

“Hello sleepy head,” she cooed, taking a seat on the opposite bench and pulling Isla onto her lap. “Did the ice cream make you sleepy?”

“We didn’t even get that far, did we?” Natasha laughed, watching as Y/n’s head perked up at the mention of the sweet dessert.

“Can we get it now?”

Wanda looked down at Isla. “You wanna get some with me and we can bring it back for Y/n and Mama?”

“Sure!”

“Me go too!” Y/n squirmed off Natasha’s lap and ran over to Wanda, taking the hand on her other side. “Mama stay?” She asked, looking back at Natasha.

The redhead nodded. “I’ll hold down the fort.”

Wanda led the twins away like a mother duck and her ducklings, holding their hands tight until they reached the large glass cabinet. The young woman behind the counter smiled at the precious sight in front of her as the twins stretched up on their toes to peer in.

“Pink!” Y/n exclaimed, pointing to the candy floss ice cream that sounded disgusting in Wanda’s eyes. “Can I get pink?”

“Mommy I want chocolate!”

“What do we say when we want something?” Wanda asked, putting on her best ‘mom’ voice.

“Pleeeeeese?” The girls chorused, tiny toothy smiles dazzling up at their mommy. The worker chuckled and caught Y/n’s eye so she smiled widely at her too.

“That’s better. And yes, you can get whatever you would like. But you have to ask the nice lady politely.”

Isla being Isla spoke up first, puffing out her chest as she took a deep breath. “Please can I have chocolate please?” She pointed into the cabinet, just in case the server wasn’t sure which one was chocolate.

“Of course you can sweetheart. Is that in a cone or a cup?” Isla looked at her blankly and turned to Wanda, a clear cry for help.

“The smallest cone you do please. And just one scoop.” The girl nodded and began preparing her order. “They don’t need too much sugar.”

Once Isla’s order was complete the server turned to Y/n who was staring intently at all the colourful flavours. “Which one would you like sweetheart?”

“Pink?”

“Strawberry?” Y/n looked up at Wanda, tugging her sleeve for help. The mother shook her head and watched to see which one her daughter pointed too. Granted, Y/n could barely point in the right direction but her intention was enough to go off.

“I think she means the candyfloss. The one with the glitter on it.”

Y/n’s was scooped into a similar cone to Isla and then placed on the stand. Wanda quickly sorted herself and Natasha out; two scoops of honeycomb crunch in a cup for herself, and a double scoop of caramel coffee for Nat. Wanda always teased her wife for crunching on the coffee beans that topped her scoop. Natasha sure was a strange one when it came to her flavour preferences.

Ice creams clutched tightly in hands, Wanda ushered her little ducklings back to the safety of the booth where Natasha was waiting, a large grin plastered onto her face that mirrored that of her ice cream laden babies.

Sweet treats were consumed from the safety of the jungle themed cafe and Isla and Y/n swung their feet happily as they nibbled on their cones. Sticky hands and faces were just inevitable and Wanda was soon ready to attack both with baby wipes the second they were done.

“Did you two see everything you wanted to?” Natasha asked, scrolling through the pictures on Wanda’s phone of Isla at various exhibits.

“I saw lions!” Isla bared her teeth and roared, shaking her head like she’d seen the majestic creature do hours earlier. “And the ‘raffes!”

“Giraffes?”

“Yeah!”

Y/n tugged on Natasha’s sleeve and pointed to part of the mural covering the wall to her right. “They have those here?”

The colourful sea creatures were definitely oversaturated; pink sharks didn’t sit comfortably with Natasha. But she followed Y/n finger to a sparkly blue turtle and smiled, noticing how Isla and Wanda also did the same.

“I saw a sign for an aquarium around the corner,” Wanda said. “There could be turtles in there.”

“We go!”

“Now hold on a minute-“ Wanda started, but telling two sugared-up three years olds on a mission to slow down was a fruitless effort. Natasha grabbed both of their tiny wrists and gently tugged them back to the table, earning little angry glares from both girls.

“What did we say about running off?”

“But-“

“Not buts, Y/n. What did we say?”

“Don’t run off,” they said in unison, the floor now much more interesting than Natasha who wasn’t smiling. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok munchkin, just wait 2 minutes and we’ll be ready.”

Wanda and Natasha packed up quickly and headed towards the aquarium side of the zoo, eyes glued to the two little girls in front of them whose hands were tightly clasped together. They may have their favourite parent and stay glued to their side, but Y/n and Isla’s bond truly was unbreakable. Starkly different, yet inseparable.

[renthony]

Mickey Mouse is Gay

I'm working on research notes for my Hays Code video essay, and I'm reading The Celluloid Closet by Vito Russo. While reading, I came across this image:

[Image description: A screenshot from the ebook of The Celluloid Closet. It shows an old poster of Mickey Mouse playing a harp, with text that reads "always gay!" in large capital letters. Smaller text at the bottom reads "(C) Walt Disney Enterprises." The image is captioned with, "When the word gay meant happy and nothing else." End description.]

There was no immediate information about when or in what context this poster was produced, but since I live in Florida, where Disney was involved in the recent "Don't Say Gay" chaos, I felt compelled to go dig up more info.

That digging led me to a copy of Tinker Belles and Evil Queens, by Sean Griffin, which opens chapter 2 ("Mickey Mouse--Always Gay!") with the following:

In the midst of The Celluloid Closet, Vito Russo’s groundbreaking work on representations of homosexuals in American film, there appears a poster advertising Mickey Mouse cartoons. As a joyous Mickey plucks out a tune on a harp, the poster proclaims, “Always Gay!” Underneath this picture, Russo writes the caption “When the word ‘gay’ meant happy and nothing else.” Although Russo separates Mickey’s personality from the modern connotations of the word “gay,” linking the word “gay” with “homosexual” had begun in various homosexual communities during the 1930s. The word “gay” was used in these circles as a method of code to let others know that someone was “a member of the community” without declaring it to those who would physically or legally threaten them. Furthermore, although Walt and most (if not all) of his employees probably would not have known this new meaning to the word when they created the aforementioned poster in the 1930s, it seems that certain audience members were watching and enjoying Mickey’s “gaiety” in all its connotations.

This dynamic becomes more apparent when certain historical evidence suggests that the phrase “Mickey Mouse” itself was bandied about by some homosexuals as a code phrase. Gay and lesbian historian Allan Berube found a photograph of a gay bar in Berlin during the 1930s called “Mickey Mouse.” A lesbian hobo of the 1930s who went by the name Box-Car Bertha related to Dr. Ben L. Reitman in 1937 that a group of wealthy Chicago lesbians threw soirees called “Mickey Mouse’s party.” Bertha maintained contact with these women in order to borrow money, introducing herself by saying “I met you at Mickey Mouse’s party.”

With this evidence of the use of “Mickey Mouse” as a code phrase for homosexuality, seemingly benign uses of the name by homosexual figure take on heightened meaning. When openly gay songwriter Cole Porter wrote the lyrics for “You’re the Top” in the early 1930s, he included the line “You’re Mickey Mouse.” In The Gay Divorcee (1934), Betty Grable approaches Edward Everett Horton, who made a career out of playing the bumbling sissy in Hollywood films during the ’30s, and sings to him “You make me feel so Mickey Mousey.” Although what Grable’s character means by this is left open to interpretation, in context she seems to mean that Horton stirs some emotion within her. Yet, “Mickey Mousey” might have had a sly double meaning—especially when a flustered Horton responds to Grable’s assertion, “Well, no wonder!”

I've said before that completely writing off Disney media is a bad take, because Disney media has been very important in queer history. The corporation is evil, but the art has the talent and soul of countless skilled artists, many of whom are/were queer. Painting Disney media as across-the-board soulless and terrible erases the contributions of countless artists who were themselves exploited by the company.

There is such a long tradition of queer people slipping queerness under Disney's radar and into their classic films. I typically use Howard Ashman's work on The Little Mermaid as my go-to example of this, because The Little Mermaid is a very queer movie based on a very queer story by a very queer author.

So it's pretty wild to learn Mickey Mouse himself has been used as queer flagging!

For more info about Disney Queerness, I recommend the video essay "What Makes Disney Villains So Gay?" by Matt Baume, as well as the YouTube channel Dreamsounds.

(Also, if you want to support the production of my video essay about the Hays Code, you can pledge to my Patreon. I still have some texts to track down for research and might have to shell out to buy them.)

[lyralit]

4.1.24 - the importance of learning new things

As much as I think academic & work focus is incredibly important going into the new year, one of my other goals is to practice doing more: to learn all of the things I want to do, in addition to work, in addition to writing. I want to know how to do thousands of little things, and I think the longer we wait, the less likely we are to do them.

Picking up a new hobby doesn't have to be buying a dozen textbooks and spending hundreds of dollars on lessons because you might have the slightest interest: it can be from whatever you have here, now, and you'll never learn if you don't get started.

Some of the things I've been getting into (as I've mentioned before) are baking & crocheting. it just feels so cozy and nice & I love the idea of comfort.

here is a list of things I want to / you should try that's new!

learning a new language. fifteen minutes a day, I kid you not. I'm learning latin on duolingo and I don't ever think about it, but when I do it (25 day streak 💪🏻), I'm starting to notice my improvements

consuming good media. and that's not scrolling for half an hour on tumblr. it's books—deep ones and silly ones and ones about romance and dragons and apocalypses. it's movies! I watched keira knightley's pride and prejudice twice in the last few months, and also three men and a baby which is something I never thought I would watch, but it was quite funny I think. and I learn from it: I cannot write humour or romance for the life of me, so it's basically studying to write (is the self-gaslighting too evident?)

learning to crochet. I made a silly little headband today, after scrolling through pinterest and desperately wanting one. I started crocheting in december to give as gifts (I completed none of my wips, much like when I write) and used the tools I had around me: an old rainbow loom hook and whatever string I could find. now I'm proud to say I can read somewhat fluently crochet acronyms.

baking. I keep saying this. I know. but when I tell you a two years ago I was exploding cupcakes in the oven and last month I made bakery-style cookies...I made bread! a loaf of bread! (in a bread machine, but it's so good and I instantly made another. there is one in the bread machine right now). honestly it just made me feel that much better about improvement, and trying new things, and that is the mindset I want for the new year.

learning to code. in all honesty, I never thought I was a compsci - engineer kind of person. then this year, out of sudden (masterminded) urges, I joined a bunch of tech and robotics initiatives, and maybe it's the sense of community (I can rejoice in finding another nerdy group) but now I am happily chauffeuring myself to these meetings 4h a week. I'm looking into pursuing more into the fields of eng and science. and I'm learning some code from one of the friends I've made!

starting a blog. ...I know most of the people who linger around my blog stay for the writing content (the last posts have turned this writerblr into a digital diary, and I'm only half sorry for that). but since I've joined tumblr (almost three years ago now!) I've got to meet so many wonderful people (including you!) and want to try so many things.

and I get it. it's overwhelming. so here are some starting goals that maybe I'll try also.

start doing art. -> make a card for someone as a gift.

learn a new sport & start exercising. (I'm trying out track & field in the spring, so stay tuned to figure out how that goes) -> see if someone will come play ball with you. do 1 or 2 youtube workout videos a week.

film videos of your daily life. it doesn't need to be for posting! -> edit together clips you've taken for a last year recape.

start a scrapbook. -> print out photos and dig up construction paper. decorate a page.

make a poetry journal. -> go on pinterest to read poetry! pin styles you like and set fifteen minutes to writing.

make a regular journal! -> write once a day. just try: goals for the day in the morning, or a recap at night.

try your hand at gardening. -> research plants that grow well in your region. see if any of the seeds you may have at home are useful. water your lawn. buy a plant and try to keep it alive (set reminders, leave it in front of your sink)

learn to make candles. -> watch a youtube tutorial. see if you can play around with candles you already have.

play chess. -> see if someone will play chess with you. no? chess.com is right there. go make an account. go find a stranger.

learn to play an instrument off youtube. -> maybe you have a piano sitting around, or a guitar you've never touched. you don't even need to master it. pick a song you like and google that. no instrument? maybe there's a way to play drums with home items.

go for a run. -> once a week. a set time. just shoes and the outdoors. too cold? go to a gym and use a treadmill. maybe that's not possible? skip rope.

start / join a book club. -> just you, or some close friends, or people online. a book a month. talk about it.

** on that note, would anyone like to join a tumblr book club? slide into my asks and maybe we can get a blog list!

thank you for reading again <3 until next time.

k.

[got-ticket-to-ride]

Wanted to know your thoughts on this, but for what I've reading on John it really looks to me he really got worse post Paul and post Beatles, like his saddest songs match the moment he started to have issues with Paul, he wasn't really having much contact with anyone outside Yoko, he wasn't doing much music, he wasn't being that funny either, he even died without being able to fully overcome his heroine addiction (addiction that started in the Beatles fall out right?), and idk i believe his involvement in the whole peace/art movement looked more like an escape (like some people do with religion) than actual interest.

So what you think, was John at his worst after he got out the band and cut his relationship with Paul or was it was always like that?

Hello @lord-pain

thank you for this ask! I hope I'll make sense. I think the White Album was definitely the start of John's "sad songs". Happiness is a Warm Gun, Yer Blues. Subsequently, Dig a Pony sounded so desperate to me and Because which is yeah, post India, post breakup?

There's so many different accounts during that period. Some narrators might be unreliable because you never know who these "historians/journalist/"acquaintances" have their allegiance to.

During the 70s it was said that John was miserable, became a violent drunk (who believed in astrology). He was quite unhappy with how things turned out in his life due to his choices but he was too proud to admit it.

About drugs, Fred Seaman said John stopped with heroin in the last half of the 70s in this video.

Due to differing accounts that are out there, I just concentrate on John, what he wrote lyrically and how clearheaded he was during his last interview. He was trying to be better. I think that is the most important detail despite everything that went down. Also the part where he was going to work with Ringo and had booked a studio with Paul for January 1981.

His activism was partly a distraction for him. Beatle John dabbled in it, but he became very aggressive about politics after the break up. He was anti-religion when he released Imagine (1971). But went back to believing in god when he wrote "Grow Old With Me" (1979?), which I have so much thoughts about but I haven't even had the courage to voice out.

While there are glimpses of John's mental anxiety visible in his song "Help!" (1965)

"Help me if you can, I'm feeling down, and I do appreciate you being 'round",

he was trying to be positive about it as seen in "Strawberry Fields Forever" (1966):

"It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out, It doesn't matter much to me".

And was still holding on during the conception of "Across the Universe" (in February 1968) with his mantra:

"Nothing's gonna change my world",

which I think might've been a result of Paul's engagement in December 1967 to Jane.

Across the Universe (February 1968) > believer God (1970) > anti-religion Imagine (1971) > anti-religion (he made a satire song which I did not include here) Grow Old With Me (1979) > believer

During his alleged break from music from 1975, he was still making home demos and was writing Skywriting by Word of Mouth.

I think John and Paul being apart was just not good for them. The general opinion was that Paul left John and had moved on. (I don't believe that's true). It was John who made the decision to leave, it was this push and pull thing, and Paul continued to reach out to him (and we don't know what happened during all those times they've met up). Some accounts say that John was practically begging for a reunion but then again Paul never stopped reaching out to John (see 1976) so I personally think, regardless of all these details that are out in the open, there is still a missing piece we have not considered yet and that can only be told by Paul himself.

To summarize it, John probably had depression (since his teenage years) but Paul was a constant positive thing in his life that he needed and that had helped him through it, "the girl who came to stay" until something happened...

John Lennon was definitely at his worst without his buddies by his side in the 70s.

[fellthemarvelous]

The Giggle is a true work of art

It's a love letter to humanity, but everyone has to be willing to listen for it to work.

I love this gif. Think about it. The MCU has a LARGE audience base and Tony Stark is the face of the MCU and is one of the richest men alive. It is no accident that UNIT looks like a tower that was erected by a a white male American narcissist who sacrificed his life to save the entire universe. Love him or hate him, Tony Stark gets your attention. And so does Iron Man. And so do the other Avengers. You know who else has a tower? Batman. (Right?). He's DC. Some people like both. I don't know enough about the DC characters.

And think about RDJ who is trying to step away from the Tony Stark image. It's a character he loved, a character that changed his life after he got out of prison, and he will always love Tony Stark, but he and Tony Stark are not the same person.

https://www.thestreet.com/media/vintage-video-of-robert-downey-jr-visiting-wall-street-resurfaces-goes-viral

Robert Downey Jr told us what was up in the 1990s.

This is meant to connect to the people who love superheroes and superhero movies. To see that Robert Downey Jr is the way he is because he's seen the ugly side of humanity and he has always told us what he really thinks. People look up to him.

This is meant to catch their eye, to say THIS IS WHAT WE ARE DOING. Please listen to our message.

Nerd culture is beautiful art.

And if you don't spend your time asking yourself how often Neil Patrick Harris is bullshitting us because I refuse to believe that he had never heard of Doctor Who before joining the cast. I think he just threw 100% of his "please" attitude into Barney Stinson.

Remember when Neil Patrick Harris played Doogie Howser, MD? The 14 year old Doctor?

Oh, he was a Doctor too! So let's not forget this other cult classic Doctor character he played. If you haven't seen Doctor Horrible and His Sing-along Blog you are missing out.

He was once listed as one of Times' 100 Most Influential People in 2010.

He's charismatic and is openly affectionate with his husband and their children.

Love him or hate him, he has a large fanbase. And he is an AMAZING actor. And a really good magician too.

And they used his skills as a magician on Doctor Who, took us to Soho in 1925, and the Good Omens fandom arose from our slumber severe hyperfixation and meticulous meta analysis to dig into a fandom where David Tennant is the most popular incarnation of a particular character, so we are already doing nonstop detective work.

The Good Omens fandom LOVES David Tennant. He is our favorite rebellious demon.

He played the MCU's most terrifying villain (there is not one single MCU villain that has ever terrified me as much as Kilgrave because that fucker uses his powers of mind control to force Jessica Jones into being in a relationship with him...among other things). As a character though, he was fucking fascinating despite the fact we have met so many men who act just like him, and we hate all of them.

Side note: When I typed "Doogie Howzer" into the gif search, this is the most popular image that came up. I consistently get Howser and Howzer confused.

Now I've got the attention of the Star Wars fandom! Howzer rocks.

You know who else appeared on a Star Wars show (again) this year?

This entire episode was crafted in a way that it formed as many connections as it could with other fandoms.

And not just that. It made sure to include as much representation as possible. Was it perfect? No, but the point is that Doctor Who is telling the world that it is moving on. It is ready to grow and it is ready to be a mainstream voice for everyone whose existence is being threatened by unjust laws.

The new Doctor defied expectations. This Doctor is a breath of fresh air, and a reminder that we will all be okay, but change is inevitable and this sci-fi show about an alien who is either 2,000 or 4,000,000,005 years old. I can't keep up anymore. It doesn't matter because he's a Doctor free from the confines of societal expectations.

Nerd culture is vast, and I know I've left out fandoms because I don't really have all day nor do I know all the fandoms, so I'm just giving you a taste of what I do love.

This episode is meant to be for everyone who needs a place to call home.

And the old Doctor finally gets to retire to make way for the new Doctor.

And as a reward for longtime fans, the retired Doctor has found a place to call home on Earth with his best friend. David Tennant will always be Doctor Who because the old Doctor was allowed to live.

And for the Staged fandom, you know what that means, Michael?

[romanreignseater]

Press Play Pt. 2

Roman Reigns x Black Female! OC (Xena)

Rating: 18+

Warning: No warning really, just sad times 😔.

“Being the girlfriend to a famous divorced father of 5 wasn’t your plan at 26 years old. You trusted him with your life, so you agreed to film a little something, but now you regret ever meeting him when your whole life is exposed.”

A/N: Last part on next Sunday and it’s gonna be something special. I hope you all enjoy this part and I may or may not have given another cliffhanger.

GIF: @jeysuso

It’s been a week since the video leak and since you last saw Roman. And let’s just say the media has YET to let up.

“Roman Reigns, Rated R?! Take A Sneak Peak Into The Spicy Life Of The Hot and Heavy Heavyweight.”

“Roman Reigns Purposely Post His Sex Tape In Spite Of Ex-Wife’s New Beau?!”

“Roman’s Slut, Gold Digging Girlfriend EXPOSED For The Clout Chaser She Is.”

“Roman Reigns Losing Fans?! Did He Release His Tape In Order To Suffice His Absence On SmackDown?!”

Yeah it was a lot…

But, nonetheless you had a huge support system around you and they made you feel better.

The video wasn’t that bad as no one saw anything other than the curve of your ass. But you shouting how much of a little cock slut you were. That one part stretched across social media and your Instagram comments was filled with “I’m a little slut” and “Fuck me harder daddy.”

The day of the incident swirled in your head back and forth. The tears in Roman’s eyes was unlike anything you’ve seen before. His deep and uncontrollable breaths broke your heart.

As much as you loved him, he hurt you bad. Nearly 300 missed calls in only a week. 440 text notifications and 50 attempted FaceTime calls. Through your Ring Doorbell, you could see his many attempts to reach you in person.

You were hiding out at your best friend’s house knowing he would try to see you, but you’d have to go home soon since your best friend was going to see her family.

“You’re gonna have to go eventually sis.” You sat on her couch, wig barely on, nails chipped, tissues all around you, and a tub of ice cream as your new best friend. “Do I have to?!” You put on your best puppy dog eyes.

“Sweetie that’s not gonna work on me. I’m gonna see my family and I don’t want to come back to police tape surrounding my front yard.”

Rolling your eyes you sat up and began to clean up. “Look sis, I want to be better. You’ve always been tough and I know you’ve gotten over this. The real problem is, you’re missing Ro.” The mention of his name made you tense.

“Can we not Taylor?!”

“Xena… we have to. I know you miss him, but he didn’t mean to.” “HE HURT ME TAY.” The tears began to form in your eyes at the thought of your fall out.

Hands on hips, Taylor wasn’t feeling your reaction.

“That man has made you the happiest I’ve ever seen. It’s been THREE YEARS, you can’t just ditch out on him for something you don’t even talk about anymore. Every night it’s, ‘why did he hurt me?!’ ‘I thought he loved me.’ ‘He was supposed to be the one, we talked about marriage and kids’, and you just want to throw that away over a mistake. If I recall you agreed to a sex tape, and of course you didn’t want it out there, but it is and the best thing you could is hear him out.”

You sat down, absorbing everything Taylor just said and she was right.

Roman made a mistake, a really, stupid mistake. But, you knew his heart and knew he didn’t mean what he did. You weren’t the only suffering in this situation. His kids were suffering, his family, his business, and he himself was suffering.

“You know what you need to do Xe.”

“I do.”

“You guys still have that baecation booked and I’m pretty sure you can’t cancel.”

Your eyes jumped out of its socket in realization. You and Roman planned a little trip to Bora Bora to spend more time together.

And now… you had to come face to face with him.

Roman’s POV

I’ve called and called and called, but to no avail. Even though the clips that circulated are no longer visible, nothing can ever be erased from the internet.

My ex-wife’s barking finally stopped. My kids last four kids are pretty young, and don’t understand. My oldest daughter definitely knew what was going on. Luckily, she didn’t disown me as her father, but she definitely was disappointed. I didn’t teach her to do that, so I shouldn’t have done that.

But, the only thing on my mind was Xena.

Her smile, her eyes, her hair, her stunning body, the way she laughed, the way she hugged me, the way she kissed me, the way she looked at me , and just the overall way she loved me.

I never felt so loved by someone in my life.

I stared at the diamond ring resting on my bedside table. I came up with the idea to plan a getaway to Bora Bora, which Xena thought was just to spend more time together. But, in reality it was plan to propose.

I’ve been with this… well I guess was in a relationship with this woman for three years. My parents loved her, my kids, and even my ex-wife had a relationship with her. Lying in bed alone at night was something I haven’t felt in a long time.

The tears began to well just at the mere thought of her gorgeous smile and beautiful chemistry between us. I began to sob, missing her badly.

The trip still fluttering in my mind, as we had to leave tonight and I was afraid I’d be leaving by myself. As my tears began to dry, I heard my phone ding. Strengthening my self back up, I pick up my phone and my mouth dropped.

“La’u Tausala 🤩😈.”

iMessage

I quickly open up my phone wondering what she had to say after ignoring me for so long.

“Don’t forget about the trip, you’re supposed to pick me up at 6 tonight.”

My heart couldn’t stop beating. I could tell she wasn’t really mad at me, cause she’d totally would block me.

“Of course, I’ll be there at 6. Also, I’m really sorry angel. It was never my intent to release that tape, it was private and I invaded your privacy. I hope you could have it in your heart to understand how remorseful I am. I love you baby with every fiber in my being, and I can’t see myself without you. I’ll see you tonight ❤️.”

Seen

Xena’s POV

It was 5:54 and I was currently wrestling my luggage, trying to get it to close.

It was a trip to Bora Bora, so of course I wasn’t bailing. But, I really didn’t want to see Roman right now. Yet, Taylor was right, I missed him badly and I was totally over the comments and headlines.

The hurt in my heart still yearned and longed. Then, the doorbell rang. I ran downstairs and looked out the window. Roman’s black Escalade stood tall in my driveway. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

There he was…

Tall, dark, and handsome.

His tan and lean body clad in an all black sweatsuit, all black Jordan’s enclosing his feet.

His hair kept well in a tight ponytail. Not a strand out of place.

“Hey.”

You draw from your thoughts and spoke up.

“Hey, umm I’m still trying to get my suitcase to close so I’ll out in a second.”

“I can help out if you want.”

I contemplated whether or not I should let him in, but I just couldn’t.

“No, I-I got it. Just wait in the car for me please.” He smiled lightly and headed back to the car. I close the door and held my back against it.

“I don’t even know what’s gonna happen on this trip and honestly I don’t wanna know.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What’s gonna happen on the baecation?! Find out next week on the final part to “Press Play”

THE END.

MY TAG SQUAD: @cyberdejos2 @thesamoanqueen @nayys-world @mzv11 @babybatlover @vogueyonce @harmshake @harlem11680 @seeingstarks @thewarlordsworld @alyyaanna @southerngirl41 @christinabae @pitlissa22 @thealliasylum @fame-ass-ers @iluvthebloodline

[thatlovinfeelin]

Where Do You Go? | four | Bradley Rooster Bradshaw

Your husband died in a training accident, unexpectedly. So what happens when you find yourself leaning on his best friend and wingman, Rooster Bradshaw?

Part One Part Two Part Three

You’re alone in bed one night when your phone rings. You fumble, trying to get around the mountain of pillows you put around you. It’s Rooster, calling you close to midnight. 

“Roos, are you okay?” You question. 

“Can I come over?” He asks quietly, almost heartbreakingly. 

“I-” You look down at yourself, no bra, wearing one of Kurtis’ old shirts and worn out gym shorts. But you couldn’t say no to him even if you tried. Because he sounded like he needed someone, “Yeah…Yeah you can come over.”

You push your sheets and blankets away and make your way into the dark living room. The pictures that used to hang in the hallway were now safely put in a photo album. The walls still remained bare, with nail holes everywhere. Part of you was surprised you hadn’t punched a hole in the wall. Some days that’s all you wanted to do. 

Day by day you were starting to learn to live with the pain though. Day by day it hurt a little less and a little less. The ache was still there, but not as pronounced. Though, part of you felt guilty for even trying to move on. Surely Kurtis would want you to move on with your life, but how could you find yourself starting to forget the little moments?

Sometimes you couldn’t even hear the sound of his voice anymore. You’d have to go digging in your camera roll to find a video of him just so you could hear his laugh again, which would cause you to burst straight into tears. 

The knock on your front door pulls you away from the bare walls. You don’t want to leave Bradley out in the dark cold. He looked rough, bags under his eyes, hair all a mess. You wondered when the last time he slept was. The sight of him made your heart ache.

“Oh, Roos,” You mumble, wrapping your arms around him. 

“I keep seeing it,” He whispers, voice cracking, “Every time I try to go to sleep, I just see it happen over and over again. It won’t stop.” 

Your heart then breaks as you lead him inside. His hand is clammy in yours, but he holds onto you so tightly. You squeeze his hand, trying to silently reassure him that he isn’t alone in this. He has been there day in and day out to support you throughout all of this, now it’s your turn to be there for him. 

“Come sit,” You said softly, dragging him into the living room and pushing him gently so he sits on the couch, “I’ll go make some tea. That always helps me.”

He does nothing but nod, gulping as he does. You aren’t sure how much good you can do for him, but you’re sure as hell going to try. He’s done too much for you not to try. You care too much for the man to not do anything to help him. Even if you have to hold him for a while until he can finally calm his mind, like he’s done for you so many times already. 

You heat up the water on the stove and grab the box of camomile tea out of the cupboard. You’ve gone through more boxes of this than you’d care to admit. But it always puts your mind at ease when you need it, or calms you enough to make you go to sleep. Right now, you hope it does both for Rooster. 

“Here,” You whisper, holding him the steaming mug, “Drink some of this. Should help.”

You settle in next to him, grabbing the blanket from the back of the couch and throwing it across your lap, snuggling into the cushions. He takes a slow sip of the tea and nearly hisses, not realizing how hot it was. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You swallow the lump in your throat. 

The last thing you want to do is hear about how your husband died. You feel like you know enough, more than you should probably. You know that his engines somehow failed and the canopy didn’t open properly upon ejection and the blunt force trauma killed him on impact. He didn’t feel anything as his body fell to the ground and his jet crashed somewhere behind him. But you weren’t sure if you could handle hearing about it from Rooster’s point of view, but you would try for him. If he needed to talk, you would do your best to be an ear for him, and a shoulder too if he needed it. 

“No,” he said quickly, “That’s the last thing I want to do.”

You nod and silence falls over the two of you once more. Your brain seems to be spinning, going around and around in circles. The silence almost hurts you. 

“I’ve been thinking about getting a dog,” You announce quietly, “It’s hard being here alone. We talked about getting one before… I think I want a big fat English Bulldog.”

“You always did like them,” He nods, “A dog would be good. Someone to keep you company.”

You smile sadly. The house is too quiet without another person here. The bed is too cold and empty, which is why you pile almost every pillow you own on it at night now. Just so you can feel like there’s someone, or at least something, else in the bed with you. You feel like it’s pathetic in a way. 

Sighing, you reach over and brush some of his hair from his forehead, “You know it’s not your fault, don’t you?”

You’ve never asked him. Nor have you ever insinuated that the accident was his fault. How could it be? The jet engine failed, no one could have expected it. Pre-flight check was normal, even the investigation showed that no one was at fault. Nothing could have prevented it. 

“I know,” his voice is hoarse as he speaks, still looking down at his mug, “I just-”

He stops, taking a deep breath before a long drink of the tea. He licks his lips, and shakes his head. Almost like he can’t finish the sentence, or maybe doesn’t want to. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells, and you wonder if he feels the same way. 

“You what, Roos? Talk to me,” You start rubbing his back, trying to coax him into saying something, or anything really. 

You can feel that he’s bottling it all up, and you know how that ends. In your case it’s always messy and sometimes bloody, it’s horrible and frightening. Nothing good comes from bottling something like this up, just waiting for it to burst. 

“I feel like I should’ve been able to stop it,” He sighs, finally finishing his thought, “I know there’s nothing I could have done….but I feel like there should have been something…anything.”

You wrap your arms around him. Your heart breaks open again when he makes a sort of wounded sound, “Roos, there’s nothing you could have done. No one could have stopped it.”

“You lost your husband that day,” he mumbled, “And no one could have done a damned thing to keep him safe. I’m his wingman, I was supposed to have his back up there. My job was to bring him back down to you.”

Tears well in your eyes, “You did do that, Rooster, you did that so many times. I know there are missions that he wouldn’t have made it home from without you. Please, god, please don’t blame yourself for any of this.”

“Aren’t you mad?”

“Of course I am,” you reply almost instantly, “But being angry isn’t going to help anyone. He wouldn’t want us to stay like that.”

“He’d be cracking jokes about it,” Rooster laughs dryly, “So many fucking jokes.”

“You’re right,” You have the same kind of dry, breathless laugh, “He was good at jokes.”

“He always had us laughing up in the air,” He told you, “Always kept things light, even when we were getting ready to do something dangerous. He’d crack some kind of joke as we were loading up and have me nearly pissing myself because I’d be laughing so hard.”

“Sounds like Kurt.”

Tears prick your eyes. Rooster’s eyes are closed, his head hung low. You can feel the pain radiating off of him in waves. You want nothing more than to take away all of his pain. You’d take it on as your own if you could, for him you would endure it, just so he wouldn’t have to.

Something comes over you, so strange in nature. All you want to do is comfort him and make him forget. You want to forget too. Forget about missing your husband, forget about the emptiness and the ache you constantly feel. You want to forget about all of it. 

“Roos?”

“Yeah?” He picks his head up, finally opening his eyes to look at you. 

There’s something in his eyes, deep and hazel and shimmering. You swallow, feeling something twist in your gut. If you didn’t know any better, you would swear it was attraction and want swirling around. But it was too soon for something like that, right? Surely this was some sort of trauma reaction. 

You shake your head, trying to clear it of those thoughts. You couldn’t have feelings towards Rooster. Out of anyone, he had to be off limits. He was your husband’s best man. Surely you’d go to hell just for thinking of him in that way. 

Yet, something about the way he was looking at you made you want to lean in and kiss him. Would he taste like the tea or something else? Would his lips be as soft as they looked? Or would they be rough under yours? 

“Stop looking at me like that,” He quietly pleads.

“Like what?” You question, furrowing your brows. 

“Like you want to do something you’d regret,” He replies, eyes dropping to your lips for a moment, “Something we’d both regret.”

“Roos-”

“I can’t,” He whispers, setting down his mug on the coffee table.

Your hand is still in his hair. For some reason you can’t bring yourself to remove it. His hair is soft and fluffy, the curls all messed up from his attempt at sleep earlier in the night. You want to tell him that you don’t care, that you just want to know what it’s like with him. You never looked at him this way before, but that’s because you always had someone else to focus on. But it feels like you’re seeing him, really seeing him, for the first time. 

“I don’t want to be alone,” You whisper, fingers running through his hair.

His hand comes up to gently cup your cheek, thumb stroking your cheekbone, “I don’t want to be someone you’ll regret in the morning.”

You shake your head, “I don’t think you could ever be someone I’d regret. If nothing else, just sleep next to me, please?”

He takes a deep breath before speaking, “Sweetheart-”

“Please,” You beg, “Just for tonight. I can’t sleep in an empty bed. Please Bradley.”

The sound of his first name makes him break. Any resolve he has is suddenly gone. You look like you’re close to tears again and he can’t be the one to make you cry. He’s the one that’s supposed to stop you from crying, not cause you to. So he stands, holding out his hand for you to take. 

“C’mon then,” His voice is so soft it fills you with a strange sense of warmth, “Let’s get you in bed. It’s late.”

You nod and let him pull you up. He leads the way to the bedroom this time, now knowing the way a little too well. He doesn’t say anything about your mountain of pillows taking up the other side of the bed. You feel as if he somehow understands why they’re there, and won’t mention it at all. 

Instead, he slowly pulls each of them off of the bed and peels back the covers before pointing to your side, “Get in.”

“What, are you going to tuck me in?” You half joke.

“Yes,” He replied, “Always made me feel better as a kid. Now get in.”

Your chest feels warm as you climb into the bed and settle in. He smiled softly at you, watching as you wiggle around for a moment before finally getting comfortable. He brings the covers up to your chin, tucking you in a little before climbing into the bed next to you. 

“Can you hold me?” You ask him, “Just for a little while?”

He nods before his arms pull you close to him. You have to fight the urge to sigh contently. Being held feels so good after all of these months. You didn’t know you could miss such a simple action so much. But you did. You missed being held and being kissed. You missed the lazy mornings with someone next to you. You missed Kurtis, more than you could ever explain, but you missed the little moments that you shared with another human being just as much. 

“Try to sleep,” He whispered to you, “I’ll be right here.”

“Thank you.”

He hums, tucking your head under his chin. The warmth is still prevalent in your chest, begging for you to do something to let it out. But all you can do is just lay there as he holds you and makes you feel more like a human being than you have in four months.

[limelocked]

having thoughts about the ancient city on this day

because like troy, this thing has layers

i got done with my observations in the flatworld and went to look at how it actually generates and ive learned this:

1 there is no wool from the original inhabitants (gray) outside of the heavily fortified walls and the hidden redstone room, that means no wool in the sauna, ice box, barracks, tall ruins etc

2 the creature in the statues is different from the warden, it looks like warden concept art but for our purposes thats not the warden, thats something else, if it was the warden then it wouldve been changed

3 the warden doesnt live here. let me rephrase that; in the deep dark dev diary video there was talk about how the sculk was like an organism and i think that tracks what with the catalyst eating the souls of the dead but that also means the following: sculk shriekers, not the ancient city, is what calls the warden, the warden defends the sculk not the city

oh lime, you say, why then be the ancient city covered in this fleshy moss

lemmi lay out the timeline

1 the ancient city people live in unwalled cities, or at least the walls dont look like they do now, the city centers as we see them today have three paths up to the.. dias? but only one is accessible due to the walls, they have some way to access the nether to get soul sand and they are very peculiar about refrigerating their items and keeping themselves clean.

there may have been a guardian mob like the iron golem for these people, one that had rounded ears

2 the sculk comes. how it arrives is unknown but it feeds on the dead and dying, it envelops blocks it likes and covers the rest in veins outside the flesh. the ancient people build walls that are insulated in wool, the walls are imposing and threatening in nature and divides the city into quarters, it cannot contain the spread, people still die. they start tinkering with redstone hoping to find something that stops the advance.

there may have been a construct like the iron golem that had its blocks enveloped by the sculk, its ears changed to antena

3

Death.

sculk by its nature is a sign that an area is no such place of honour. sculk by its very nature denotes the ancient city not as a historical landmark but as a graveyard covered with the corpses of its people.

eventually the people who lived there either die or relocate the cities are abandoned we mourn

there may have been a guardian of a city that is now a guardian of the flesh, a warden to a self made jail full of people that will die at the will of a hungry being so large and unknowable yet also so quietly peaceful

4 much later, the people who made the mineshafts (probably not following the age old proverb of never digging too deep) discover the ancient city and start exploring it with none of the caution that the late ancient people had. many die. they set up many camps and fortifications, it takes them a while to even learn that wool will save them. many die. soon they abandon whatever ideas they had about the city and either die or leave this cursed place full of death.

[spicywhenspeaking]

If I'm There: Chapter Twenty-One

when you realize the significance of the monkey (∩˃о˂∩)♡

read from part one here!

summary: Noah and Natalie met in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

this is a complete work of fiction, some characters while based on real people are totally made up. :)

word count: 3.6k , edited by me ....soooo if you see something spelt wrong no you didn't.

taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @laurpartyprogram @concretenoah @thebadchic @jessitpwk @madomens @samanthasgone @myownthoughts12

I picked up Erin from Ashely’s house at around 10 am the following morning. I don’t think anything will ever compare to her seeing me and running with excitement into my arms for a big hug. I just hope she still feels that way later today when I tell her about Noah.

“I missed you Mom!” she calls out and I pick her up and swing us around in a circle. “Oh my sweet girl, I missed you so much!” I tell her and kiss all over her cheeks and the top of her head. We finish gathering her things and thank Ashely and her mom again before we eventually get into the car and head off to begin our girls’ day. “So nails first or food? How are you feeling?” I ask as I turn on the radio and begin backing out of the driveway. 

“FOOD! Please! We only had cereal for breakfast and you know I need more than that.” I laugh because I know exactly that. My girl can eat! “Okay, so first food and then nails!” I say, then reach over to turn up the radio when I hear “Dancing Queen” by ABBA come on. We sing our hearts out on the drive to our favorite breakfast spot near our house. We sit in our regular corner booth by the back window. I order a coffee and a full stack of pancakes with eggs and bacon. Erin orders an orange juice and the same amount of food and I know she’ll finish it all. She recaps me on the last two days and all the fun she had with her friend, “but I missed you and Hales a lot. I’m happy to be back home now.” she says stuffing a huge piece of pancake into her mouth. “I’m happy you’re home too little bug, but why don't you take smaller bites? I don’t need you choking thirty minutes after getting you back.” She smiles with her mouth full of food, “okay” her muffled voice comes out and I can’t help but laugh. 

With breakfast finished the two of us head to the nail salon and I decide we should really pamper ourselves and we get the deluxe mani/pedi package. The salon I like plays old MTV music videos on big TVs all around the room. The sound of Paramore while my feet soak in the soothing heat and the massage chair digs into my back puts me into a state of complete relaxation and I find my mind wandering. Stuck on a moment from the night before, Noah and I sitting together on the couch and our almost kiss. If things were different, if we lived in an alternate universe and it wasn’t ten years later I would have closed the distance and would have let myself be sucked into his gravity. He has everything he wants now, his music, his band, it’s what he left to find ten years ago.

I look over at Eric who’s set the chair to the back-patting setting that has her voice bouncing “Ah, ah, ah, m-o-o-m, d-o-o-o I s-o-u-n-d w-e-i-r-d.” the smile that breaks across my face is full of love as I take in the beautiful girl in front of me. “You sound perfect baby,” I say and ruffle her hair softly. The rest of our appointment goes by in a relaxing daze. We laugh while Erin tells me about her last two days. We finish up and I mentally prepare myself for the conversation we are about to have. I am going to tell her about Noah. I just hope she doesn’t hate me afterward. 

We get back to the house and she rushes into her room to unload her dirty clothes and reunite with the stuffed animals she had to leave behind. “Fluffy! I never want to be separated again!” I hear her exclaim from outside of her room. Before talking to her I head into my room and open my closet door, I’m looking for a certain shoe box. “Where the hell is it?” I ask myself, “Ah ha!” It’s nestled deep into the corner hiding under the Carhart hoodie I borrowed from Haylie who stole it from who knows. I take a deep breath and lift the lid of the box. On top are several photos of me and Noah, some of the two of us, and Nicholas as well. Wadded up in a tight ball is the Bring Me The Horizon shift Noah gave me all those years ago. There’s also a CD, some random ticket stubs, drawings, and more pictures at the bottom. I decide to just take the whole box and head towards Erin’s room.

Knocking on the door I hear a soft, “Come in!” I walk into her room and see that she’s decided today is the day she’s going to reorganize her bookshelf. 

“Hey sweety, can I talk to you about something?” I ask and try to hide the nervousness in my voice. “Umm yeah, is everything okay? You sound weird.” So I didn’t do a great job at hiding it. “Yes, everything is okay. There’s just something that I need to talk to you about. Something important.”

Two lines appear between her eyebrows and her face contorts in confusion. “Is this an I can keep working and listening important or do I need to sit next to you on the bed?” she asks and I pat a spot next to me on the bed to wordlessly answer her question. “Oof, okay,” she whispers out and climbs next to me on her bed.

“You remember how I told you that I got pregnant when I was still in high school but my boyfriend and I had already broken up?” she continues looking at me with confusion all over her face but nods slightly, “Yeah, I remember. You said you two never saw each other again.” I take her hand and smile, trying to fight the tears in my eyes.

I open the box and hand her a picture of Noah and I. “His name is Noah. This is your father.” She takes the photo and looks back and forth between me and and younger version in the photo. “You look so different,” she says and I huff a laugh. “Yeah, that’s what growing up will do to you.” 

“Where is he?” she asks quietly looking up at me. “Well, he’s actually in town for a few days if you would like to meet him.”

“Where has he been?” she asks and that takes me off guard. I struggle with what to say, not wanting to keep anything from her but also not wanting to upset her. “He’s been in Los Angeles. That’s where he works.”

“What does he do?”

“He’s in a band, playing music, and sings all around the world.”

“Hm,” she says and I’m not sure what she’s thinking. 

“So he didn’t want me?” and there it is. The knife in my heart makes it hard to keep the food down from earlier but I push through, remaining strong.

“Oh no sweety, that’s not true at all. He didn’t know for so long. It’s very complicated adult stuff. Things that took me a long time to understand myself” I try to explain to her. 

“Will you tell me when I’m older the complicated stuff?”

“Of course baby, I’ll tell you anything you’d like to know about him.”

“Is he nice?” Erin asks in a quiet shy voice, “Do you think he would like me?”

I wrap her up in my arms and squeeze her tightly, “he is very nice and he will like you very much I promise.” I run my hand down her head, soothing her soft brown hair.”Does that mean you’d like to meet him?”

The air is still in the room as Erin takes time to think. Her small face scrunched in concentration. “I think I would like to meet him, yes. But are things going to change? My friend Brody’s parents don’t live together and he goes to his dad’s house every other weekend. Do I have to do that now?” I pull her closer until my head is resting on top of hers. “Nothing will change without you making that decision. Right now, we take things one step at a time.” she nods her head and wraps her arms as tight as she can around me.

“Would you be interested in meeting him tomorrow? He will be leaving again soon with his band so we won’t see him again for a few weeks. I can tell him we can wait if you’d be more comfortable.” I’m also definitely scheduling an earlier therapy appointment for her this week. Her head remains buried in my side while she takes everything in. I am giving her all the time she needs to process, so if she wants to wait until he’s more available I don’t blame her. 

“I think I would like to meet him. But what if you just invited him over here? So I can show him my stuff and maybe he will like me even more?” 

I move back so I can take her small face into my hands. “I can do that but I need to to listen to me now, there is no one on this planet that could possibly not like you Erin Howlston and I know for a fact that he will love you so much because you are you and you are perfect,” I emphasize my point my giving her cheeks a little squeeze. “But you have to think that because you’re my mom.” she quips through pursed lips. “And he’s your father, so by your logic, he must also think that,” I argue back and I see her eyes turned down slightly in the corner.

“But he made you sad right? That’s why you broke up when you were in high school. I don’t want him to make you sad again.” My heart swells. While I drop an atomic bomb of information about her life she’s worried about my feelings. I must be doing something right with this whole parenting thing.

“Sweetie, that was a long time ago. My heart is all better now and I’m not sad anymore. I am so so so unbelievably happy with our life. With you and Aunt Haliey, Uncle Kyle and Aunt Mags, and little Natasha. I think Noah is a very good person and he wants to be in your life because he cares about you. Even without having met you.” She gives me a small smile and hugs me again.” okay, I want to meet him. You said tomorrow right?” she looks up at me with her deep brown eyes that have always been just like his. “Tomorrow it is. I will give him a call later today, but what do you want to do now? Play? We could watch a movie? Or draw together?”

Quickly detangling from my arms she races to pick up her paper and stretching pencils, “Drawing please! I need help with the cat I’m drawing.” 

We spend the next few hours drawing together on her bedroom floor laughing and listening to music. For Christmas last year she asked for a Google Mini so she could ask it to play music whenever she wanted. Now we are listening to “The Very Best Of Otis Redding”. When she was a baby I listened to it all the time. I used to sing “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long” while rocking her to sleep. Sometimes I walk by her room and she is listening to it while reading or playing with her toys and it reminds me of holding her when she was so little and how she would hold my finger so tightly.

I feel the tug of guilt in my gut about Noah having missed those moments but force it down, there’s nothing that can be done about the past but we can create new memories with the three of us together. Even if Noah and I aren’t together we can be the two parents that Erin needs. Maybe we can even be friends.

Later, once Erin wanted time alone to play with her toys I went into my room to call Noah. I haven’t been able to talk to Haylie about any of this yet, she woke up late with a hangover and had to run out of the house for the day to meet with her editor to talk about her next book release.

I close my door most of the way, only keeping a small sliver open in case Erin calls out for me. I sit on the edge of my bed and hit the green call button on my new Noah contact page, It rings a few times before I hear the sound of him picking up on the other end.

Hey! Natty, how are you doing? How’s it going?

Hi Noah, things are good. How are you? 

There’s rustling in the background of his call, “oohh is that Natalie??” I hear who I think is Folio.

Yes, shush…not you Nat! You don’t have to shush. Sorry, Folio is being an idiot.

I’m good, just working on some new remixes for our deluxe album.

I just finished talking with Erin and she suggested I invite you over tomorrow to meet. Is that okay?

Tomorrow sounds great! What time is good for you two?

How does 12:30 work? I can order us sandwiches from the sub shop in town, Erin’s favorite.

Perfect, 12:30 is perfect. Thank you so much, Natty. I won’t let you down again. I promise.

I try not to blush like a preteen at the way his voice goes almost breathless as he makes his promise to me. 

Um. so I’ll see you tomorrow then, bye!

I try to rush off the phone as fast as possible before I let myself word-vomit anything stupid.

Bye Natty, I’ll see you tomorrow, looking forward to seeing you and meeting Erin. 

A few minutes I hear Haylie unlock the door and head into the house and she calls out like she did the night before. “Honeys!! I’m home!” she calls from the front room. “Hey Hales!” Erin and I both call out.

Before I have the chance to call down to her to come up so I can relay everything that’s happened since we separated after the concert, she is racing up the stairs taking two at a time. She swings my door open, stepping into my room with a huge face-splitting smile on her face. “Sooo?? How did it go?” she asks moving closer into my room and creating the same small gap in the door before sitting down next to me on the bed. “Well, before I drunkenly barged in. sorry about that. That Folio knows how to throw them back, he’s pretty hot don’t you think?”

She has this twinkle in her eye when she says it and I laugh and roll my eyes at her. “It went well, he was a little upset at first which I wasn’t surprised by. He cried I cried, it was very emotional. He wants to meet her and then stay in Austin during their break in between tour dates.” As I recant my mind whirls and everything hits me more than I expected. “He said that he wanted this life with me, wanted the family and the happiness and the love that he should have fought harder for me, should have never let me go.” I try to keep my voice steady but I can feel my throat getting thick with emotion. Haylie wraps her arm around me and remains quiet while I continue telling her all about what happened. “And then when I was showing him pictures in her baby book there was this moment..” I slowly trail off and she pops forward and her eyes widen in surprise.

“What kind of moment?” she asks in a voice that goes all jelly-like and I manage to look slightly shameful before I tell her. That I so easily folded in his presence is borderline embarrassing, just shows how powerful his hold is still over my heart. But right now I can’t think with my heart, now is the time to think with my brain. While also considering Erin’s heart. 

“We might have almost kissed,” I tell her while I bury my face in my hands. “OH MY GOD! NATALIE !” she shrieks and I quickly throw my hands over her mouth. “Shush! Haliey oh my god, Erin will hear you!” and just like that I hear her little voice calling from down the hall, “everything okay in there?” she asks. “Yes!” “Everthing is fine!” we answer in unison and I think she retreats back into her room.

“You almost kissed him! How? What did he say? Did he lean in? How did he act after the almost kiss,” she shoots out the questions in a rapid-fire succession and I rub the sides of my temples before answering her. “Um. I guess he was kind of leaning in, he was doing that thing you know. When a guy looks between your eyes and your lips. I felt so weak. Oh my god, I almost kissed him, and then the book fell and I remembered what we were doing and why he was there and I felt so stupid.”

“You are NOT stupid! There were a lot of emotions flowing, you hadn’t had a moment alone with him in years and it’s not like when you broke up you two weren’t completely and totally in love with each other. It’s not like those feelings just go away.” she says while rubbing up and down along my back. 

“I just can’t do that with him, It’s not a good idea for the two of us to do anything that could jepordize Erin’s happiness.” I nod to myself, wiping one of my hands down my face and then raking them through my hair. Haliey and I flop backwards onto the pillows while I finish catching her up on everything that happened, including my conversation with Erin and then my phone call with Noah right before she got home. 

“You want me to clear out tomorrow so y’all have some privacy?” she asks and I balk at the thought. “No way! I would never ask you to leave your own house. Plus, you’re such an important person in Erin’s life, I’m sure she would also want you here.” 

The three of us spend the rest of our evening lounging in the living room watching TV in our pajamas. We make homemade pizzas and cookies for dinner together in the kitchen while singing along to Disney’s greatest hits. We end the night all cuddled together on the couch watching Erin’s favorite movie “The Secret Life of Arrietty” and when she falls asleep I carry her up the stairs into her room and deposit her into her bed. I gently kiss her forehead and turn on her glowing nightlight before closing the door and heading back to help Haylie finish cleaning the kitchen. 

The next day is quickly upon us and I nervously watch the clock ticking away as we get closer and closer to 12:30. I picked up the subs a few minutes ago so hopefully Noah isn’t late. No one likes a soggy sub.

Just seconds before the second-hand crosses over the 12 on the clock there is a knock on the door that causes me to jump straight out of my seat. Haylie laughs at me as she rubs my shoulders walking past and into her room. She told Erin that if she needed her at any time to just barge in and get her. I walk towards the door and Erin suddenly looks very nervous and gets up to hide behind my back. “Are you okay baby?” I ask her quietly before answering the door. She nods her head against my back and whispers, “Yes, I’m fine.” she gripping the back of my jeans but I think if she didn’t want to do this anymore she would say something, she’s just nervous. Hell, I’m nervous. 

I open the door and Noah is standing there with a bouquet of wildflowers in one hand and a stuffed monkey in the other. “Hi,” he says in a soft and nervous voice. I return his greeting with a warm smile. “Come on in” I open the door wider so he can come in and Erin scoots along with me not quite ready to reveal herself. “How are you doing?” he asks and hands the flowers over to me, “these are for you.” He gestures to the monkey, “And this is for Erin.” she peaks her head out from behind me and looks up towards Noah and the monkey. “That’s for me?” she asks quietly. Noah crouches down to be at her eye level and hands out the toy to her. “Yes, this is for you. Do you like monkeys?” He asks and I see a small smile appear on her face. “I do like monkeys. I saw some at the zoo a few days ago with my friend Ashely.” She holds out her hand to accept the offering. “Hi Erin.” he says with a warm smile, “I’m Noah, it’s very nice to meet you?” She slowly eases out from behind me and is now standing beside me and at eye level with Noah, still crouched. “It’s nice to meet you too. Even though you made my mom sad.” 

Oh, Jesus, this is going to be an interesting afternoon.

Next chapter

[shadowwolfmemes]

DaFuq!?Boom! rant

You know, as much as I love DaFuq!?Boom!'s work, I can't help but feel bad for the guy. The fact that so many people are hating Skibidi Toilet for the wrong reasons is just sadly pathetic. I mean, don't get me wrong, people are allowed to have opinions. Negative or positive, it doesn't matter.

But I'm talking about the ones who are trying to make DaFuq look like a horrible person. Say what you want about Skibidi Toilet, but to go as far as getting angry to the point of attacking the creator and his fans is a step too far.

Don't know what I'm talking about? If you search up DaFuq!?Boom drama on YouTube, you can see how people are making videos about him copyright striking people for using his assets. And as you know, the assets DaFuq used are from Half Life, which was made by Valve.

He even striked GameToons for using his characters in a NSFW ElsaGate type of way. But then, they resolved the issue afterwards. If anything, we should be mad at the content farms who will not hesitate to milk the fuck out of popular characters like Spiderman or Elsa and direct it towards kids in a creepy way.

If you don't like Skibidi Toilet, then that's fine. I truly don't care, you can always find something else to watch. But to dig up lies to make someone look bad just because you don't like something is unacceptable and actually cringy. You are no better than the 9 year olds trying to live in a world who believe Skibidi Toilet is "real."

And before you say "This generation is doomed!", just know that the previous generations weren't any better. Past generations were guilty of doing cringy things as well, this dramatic phrase actually makes me cringe a little bit.

Thank you for reading this random rant. I just needed to get something off my chest before I implode. Have a nice night...

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

So what was the thought process you and @twinanimatronics had for Moon and DJMM being besties?

Like I know that's a huge fanon thing (though i think y'all were one of the early ones) but is it something yall based on game data or character analysis?

Ohhh!!!

A pretty good question.

I think part of it had to do with @factual-fantasy's wonderful au and comics of the DJ being very close buds with Sun and Moon.

But I think there was a bit more to it then that.

I think I just wanted a fanfiction mostly centered around Moon and the DJ's friendship because they're both Security bots and are the only two animatronics in the Pizzaplex that go back to being "mainly chill" after their initial segment. (Moon showing up at every hourly recharge being super easy to avoid outside his initial Daycare Segment and Sun just stays in the slide all other times)

I also remember seeing the headcanon in @paper-lilypie's old comics that Moon had a music box, which was a popular hc, that Ceph and I have actually proved to be canon with our rabid exploring of the Pizzaplex map like its an archeological dig site.

Made me get to thinking if Moon used his music box often, what songs would he use?

Also got me thinking about how the DJ makes up his own songs on rotation to avoid copyright. He's essentially an AI generated song prompt, but far more endearing and self-aware. DJMM makes his own bouncer chase music to capture Gregory and that's pretty endearing to me.

Thought about Moon stealing DJ's songs to use in his music box. (and yes, I know real life music boxes are made with a set song in mind and he can't rotate them unless there are discs in there. But idk. lol don't think about the mechanics of this too hard of how a music box actually works)

Made me think that Moon would like relaxing Lofi beats that the DJ would make for him.

Lofi Beats to Capture Children to was initially planned to be five chapters. Just showing glimpses into the lives of DJMM and Moon interacting, from a more DJ-themed perspective, with the pov changing between Moon and the DJ...

But I kept adding more things into there.

Once I realized Sun had to be a character in this, the perspective strictly stayed with Sun and Moon.

Like an OC that was meant to just be a foil, and die for character development for the Daycare Attendant turned out to be more complex then I thought as he just became a worse version of myself and I wanted to see him get better so I made a spin-off entirely about him.

I realized I wanted to have Vanny in this, because I love Vanessa. I wanted to show the toxic but completely codependent relationship the DCA has with Vanessa. Because... Well, let's face it, Vanessa is a non-character in her own game. Many fans don't love her in the way I do. Even the most hard wired DCA fans don't really have anything to say about Vanny/Vanessa.... and either ignore she exists... or she's a meangirl background character not important to the plot. Despite the fact that Vanny and Moon's relationship is the driving force for so many things that happen in Security Breach. To the point where the Daycare Attendant is literally a thematic parallel to the Vanny/Vannessa relationship... Something I've been screaming about since Security Breach came out and no one listened.... But I was right. To the Point it's explicitly confirmed in Help Wanted 2.

And I also realized that if Sun was going to be a character, I had to establish life for them for a good chunk of it and how fast things go down. I had to determine whether I wanted them to be their separate things, or one person with DID. And ... While I do think that DID is actually canon..... it's something I don't have experience with writing, and I feel that I would end up saying or portraying it offensively. Especially since the DCA already kinda has the "bad alter" archetype in canon. Plus, to coexist with Twins where they get seperated and they're learning to be their own people... It just makes more sense to have a level of miscommunication between the two. So we understand Sun's fear and need for control. (like in canon Sun has no reason to string up fairylights in his dark room... other then just to never have moon switch over and make him uncomfortable. There's no kids in their room to capture. The generators can stay on in the pizzaplex and their room could be dark and the children would be safe. Sun is making it so Moon can't switch at all... and while that is horrible for Moon, it's important to see where that level of distrust and anger and controlling behavior stems from, and why Moon might be afraid of him in twins)

And If I wanted the DJMM to be friends with Moon, I also needed excuses for Moon to go there. I also needed to consider his relationship with the other Glamrocks and animatronics in the pizzaplex. I had to show how isolated Sun was and how much Sun cared for the kids, genuinely.

So the whole thing snowballed and it sometimes becomes intimidating to work on.

I guess long story short... The DJ is cool. And Moon is cool. I love them both and they make a really great non-verbal pair.

I absolutely love Lofi. So thanks for sending this ask. I know I haven't updated in awhile. But you think being unemployed would give me more freetime... lol but I'm mostly depressed and stressed.

[kinnsporsche]

✨ a comprehensive guide on why daemi is literally the worst ✨

if y’all missed whats currently happening with daemi on twitter here we go.

context: daemi are the writers of the kp novels made up of two people. poi (a cishet female) and yok (a cis gay man)

1. barcode

poi admitted to essentially grooming barcode whilst they filmed the series. she claimed she “taught barcode how to be a good actor” by teaching him how to give her and yok massages. barcode was 16 at the time of kp filming. jeff calls them out for abusing and misusing their privileges as authors. jeff also emphasises that they’re not joking, he’s the second actor with mile to confrm that the harassment from the actors isn’t something they joke around with. (source x)

a couple people started digging through their old interactions with barcode and found him looking super uncomfortable around them to the point that jeff comes and intervenes, even perth looks uncomfortable with their interaction in the background. barcode also, whether jokingly or not, says that he’s scared of yok. (sources x and x)

2. apo

a video from what i assume is a live came out recently where yok and poi basically get apo to do some fanservice which he does pretty playfully in his usual apo style. poi seemed to think it wasn’t enough and got up and started trying to unbutton his shirt to make him take it off whilst he’s literally trying to fight her off and saying “don't do this to me, enough poi, please bring back the old poi.” she then slaps him on the arm and apo playfully starts pretending to hit her back for it but you can clearly see how uncomfortable and distressed he is when he leaves the room (sources x and x)

a few months back daemi decided to republish the novel with a picture of the cast as the book cover. they only booked bible, build, and mile, because they said apo was busy on a retreat and didn’t bother rescheduling the shoot despite the fact that he’s one of the, if not the, mains. fans started a campaign on twitter in support of apo and apo liked some of the tweets and yok started arguing with him on twitter. the conversations and screenshots are all buried and deleted so i dont have many sources for this but (source: x)

someone associated with the two of them (wannggjinn852 on twitter) accused apo of sexually harassing mile because he was teasing and joke-flirting with him the way he does in a live. a few days later daemi did a twitter space and invited the person who accused him into their audio call with them (sources x and x)

basically daemi really dislike apo and bully him a lot because of it. my guess is that they’re jealous of the friendship he has with mile because they both have a creepy obsession and infatuation with him which brings me onto

3. mile

he has openly come out and said that they sexually harass him, and he’s made it clear that it’s not a joke, that when he talks about what they do to him he’s not messing around, and they just laugh it off because they think they can get away with it all. (source x)

he’s also genuinley uncomfortable around them and they just don’t care and keep touching him and harassing him. when mile sees yok recording his exist post episode 7 underwater kiss he literally tries to hide himself and looks so uncomfortable. (source x and x)

yok is, by his own words, a digital content creator for be on cloud. today a pretty sensitive and jarring picture was posted on be on cloud’s instagram story that doesn’t fit with the rest of the content that they’ve posted over the last few days. it’s from an awkward and weird angle, has nothing to do with the tour, so there’s been speculation that yok was the one who took and posted it because of his obsession with mile. tw, the source includes the picture. (source: x)

4. bible

more harassment towards bible from yok. he asks bible to call him ‘mom’ or ‘mommy’ or something and bible refuses and says he already has a mom and keeps touching him and holding him when he tries to get up and leave. (source x and x)

5. pond

a video has surfaced that poi seems to have taken of her at a gathering with some other people. she pans the camera to pond (the screenwriter and director of kinnporsche the series) who smiles at it and then she leans in and kisses him without his consent. the discomfort is pretty clear in his eyes (source: x)

6. misc

made, and fully intended to sell, merch of vegas’ don’t worry i’m not gonna hurt you line before he assaults porsche in the show and only got rid of it when they faced backlash for proffiting off of sa (source x)

be on cloud had to tell them to stop hosting events around content for kinnporsche the series because they kept giving things away and people were getting mad at pond, mile, and apo, when it didn’t happen or when things were spoiled. (source x)

they’ve always been super disrespectful and rude to fans when they’re criticised and recently yok told international fans to fuck off in an instagram live (source: x and x)

tldr: everybody listen to bas

[jackiebrackettt]

hi everyone i watched all the (minecraft) tazercraft shorts at once at 4am and i decided to make graphs about it

they have a recurring theme? i suppose? that i'm calling the "always save your-" series because that's along the lines of what a lot of them are titled (also note that none of them have any speaking it's just various songs playing)

these were like. very surreal to me in my sleep deprived state but basically the concept is: they are both digging down and then one of them finds diamonds and either one of them makes the other move so They can get the diamonds (thus dying/almost dying to the lava) or someone else shows up (for eg: cat in below images) that they have to save which means they doom the other to the lava. or. idk there's so many variations hence the graphs

graphs and stuff below the cut:

graphs 1 and 2 are fairly self-explanatory i think. usually everyone lives, and it's interesting to me that pac is the one saving mike more often than mike saves pac. counting the time both of them saved someone, mike has saved other people the same amount that he's saved pac whereas pac is mostly only shown to save mike. no one else apart from them (unless it's everyone in the scene that one time) dies

offscreen death vs onscreen death (graph 3) is interesting to me because a lot of the times when they're saving someone else the other person just fucking dies. they don't even show it. sometimes you see a bit of their dead body float into screen the way minecraft bodies fall to the side when they die but sometimes they're just gone. i know it's only 3 times but i can't remember the exact numbers for that and can't be bothered to check

NOW post-death (4) is interesting to me because jesus christ. why did they do that. not good for my sleep-deprived mind. two of the times mike dies they show a post-death scene where pac is mourning him. both times it seems like he's very unable to move on from the death because they give him grey hair nd stuff implying he's grown old. the second time he actually builds a house + grave around where mike died in the cavern and just. stays there forever i guess

MIKE however in the one post-death scene he gets builds a grave + laboratory around where pac died and invents time travel to save him. interesting! i feel like you could tie this into their qsmp characterisation somehow but that's a diff post

and just some sillier ones. (graph 5) they often have like… i don't know what the games are but those horror kids games or whatever. poppy's playtime you know. show up in these videos as well as like… things to be saved from? so it's not all lava that's killing/almost killing them. also (graph 6) herobrine shows up a little bit which i mostly categorised because of their whole past series with herobrine and whatnot. most of the time he is just there in the background some times he does stuff

this is just one of their series and maybe i'll make more graphs categorising the others. i mostly just made these for funsies for myself because i like graphs but eh sharing because who knows maybe other people will be interested. their shorts mostly all seem like tiktok trends btw and types of videos repeat a lot ^ like the one here with a little variation each time

[bonesandthebees]

I just rounded off my period so a massive L to all of you I suppose /lhj

I'm in so much pain about the Wilbur situation in general and have so many mixed feelings. Like I've only just got a chance to sit down and read his 'apology' and all of the replies from content creators and (ex)fans alike. I was so close to throwing up that I had to close the tab /gen.

I've never really watched Shubble content, nor have I had a chance to watch her full vod on the issue, so my first instinct was to be a good little media sieve and try to be open-minded before making an opinion. I won't lie, I was trying very hard to convince myself that it wasn't Wilbur and everyone was jumping to conclusions (though the more I read made that less and less likely).

I was worried for Wilbur's group (tommy, phil, charlie etc) because there was no way they could stream without being harassed by it, and worried partially for Wilbur as well because of various mental health problems that he's admitted to in the past.

Now that he's responded, though, everything's so much worse. As someone who struggled with being on the victim side of abuse for a while, I feel awful for Shelby and everything that happened to her.

Charlie, Ranboo, Tubbo etc have all responded (most very passionately so I have no doubt where they stand), so that's good for them, but tommy and phil have yet to. I can't help but wonder if Techno knew, if it had even started by then or if Wilbur didn't tell him.

I've seen people making reasonable assumptions about signs in past content that may have pointed to Wilbur's abuse, but there are some people making reaches that don't even make sense and now I can barely consume content or even remember videos that i used to be fond of without worrying that it was just Wilbur manipulating people.

Also, as far as I'm aware, none of lovejoy have replied to the situation (apart from the ex trumpeter), so ash, mark and joe are getting hate when they haven't done anything (though I may have just not seen it yet).

Some part of my brain is convinced this is all some horrible nightmare and I'll wake up able to laugh and joke about SBI content with my friends, even if I know that'll likely never happen again.

If there's one thing for certain, it's that his response was not an apology. I do believe that he thought long and hard about it (even if it was just for superficial PR reasons) and maybe ran it by people he trusted, but it was not what he should have said in response to Shelby coming forward about his abuse. All he's done is dig a bigger hole and now thousands of his (ex)supporters have to live with the consequences of his actions.

Honestly, I just feel sad. Sad that it happened, sad that Wilbur isn't who I thought he was and sad that my life will be drastically different from here on out.

Sorry that that was so heavy. I just feel really confused and there's a pit in my stomach that's churning horribly.

-🌺 <3

oh of course SOMEONE just had to finish their period right when the rest of us get it smh /lh

yeah, this is such a horrible situation overall. for me at least his response made the situation somewhat more tolerable because it felt like a closure moment. it made me realize, oh, he was really awful the entire time and this shit apology proves it. however, I'm sure in a few days the reality will hit me and I'll feel awful again. it's not fun realizing someone you admired and were a fan of for so long was a completely different kind of person than the guy he presented himself as.

I don't know where you heard that charlie responded, because as far as I'm aware he has not said anything anywhere about this situation yet.

I also don't think it's very worthwhile for people to be combing through old vods and videos for 'questionable moments' they can point at and be like "look he was abusive the whole time!" because we don't know what's going on in cc's personal lives. more than anything that should be the take away here. we don't know these people, we don't know their personal relationships, we shouldn't be trying to pinpoint every questionable moment and prove something with it because we're not in these personal relationships with wilbur. the other cc's are. basically, don't overthink what you see in old vods or old videos. it's not going to help whatsoever and it's none of our business.

I've also had the thought that this feels like a nightmare I could wake up from. I've had that thought every day since shelby's stream first happened. but unfortunately that's not the case, and we need to focus instead on supporting the victims here

I'm sorry there's not much I can say to help. just try to take care of yourself. give yourself time. it'll get a bit easier with each passing day.

[yuseirra]

Hello~ I have something to say because there's been something that's been on my mind, leaving me very depressed and concerned for the past couple months. I've been trying my best to be cheerful and uplifting but it's hurting me so much I just can't stand it...I have to be true to myself and let it all out, I feel like a stone's being pushed onto my chest, and I won't feel better without addressing it somewhere, so please pardon me, okay?

I'd been drawing a lot of project moon's fanworks earlier, remember how there's been an incident regarding limbus company and the artist being fired and whatnot? and then there's this stuff going about how fingers are drawn in maplestory, I have no idea about the details but something happened in arknights?? too? I don't play that game but still, well I'd been seeing a lot of these stuff happen for the past couple of months and since I come from a country where that's directly being taken place, I saw a lot of it happen firsthand except for some recent ones, it made me to go terminate my twitter which I had for a decade (I think I had it since 2013 or 2014. not that it matters now anyway, but I miss my friends I had there so much.)

I'm really hurt. It pains me so much to see people dig up a tweet someone's made several years ago using some kind of data crawler or archive and decide to get the mass to bring down a person over it, a person has many sides, how can you determine how exactly someone's feeling about something? and how can it lead to things like death threats, how can people be so eager to make someone "pay", I understand that people can be frustrated over some things, but where's the limit of these things? I felt so threatened and scared and upset, nothing bad's happened to me in person. All I've experienced is kindness and I am very grateful about it, but I can't say I'm not affected. Seeing a lot of things going around secondhand's been enough to put me through a lot of stress.

Some of my videos regarding projmoon's works had been very popular, you may have seen them if you're in the fandom! I used to be very proud of it. Now I'm upset and scared and I am pained, why can't I be as proud of them as I used to be, I put all my love into it back then. It's a terrible feeling. I have mixed feelings about having it up on my channel.. there's a part of me who love my works a lot.. and is happy about it having been able to give a lot of people joy. People have been enjoying it, and they've all been so kind about it. And then there's another part of me wishing I never made it in the first place because it really hurts and I'm reminded of these incidents whenever I see them. Which is such a pity, since I did a really great job with those. I'm still getting new comments with people telling me they are so impressed and all I could think about now is the.. all the, I don't know what to call all that..,

I'm scared that people might come after me and accuse of me being someone I am not, try to dig up my old tweets and find me problematic for doing something unfavorable for the fandom(not that I've said or done anything harmful in the past, I'm sure of that..I've ALWAYS tried my best to spread love when I could. I am confident about that.) maybe I'm being full of myself. Maybe people don't care about me or my works as much and I'll be okay but I have no idea how things will play out. I've been holding out till now, no one can say I didn't try..the fact that I've been keeping my works up there, I've been trying very hard to be strong in my own way (but at the same time I also felt like a coward for remaining in the status quo)

earlier I saw yt recommending me that library of ruina is getting a switch edition and I get reminded of all these stuff, I can't bear it. It hurts me so much. I've been holding this all in by myself since last july, maybe I'll have to take the videos down to make me feel better, but I'm not sure if I'll be safe that way. I deleted my twitter and now it comes to this, I won't delete my tumblr though. I love my experience as yuseirra and I'm happy for all I've received. I wish I could continue feeling that way, I want to believe in people, I want to care for them, and I don't want to think people will try to come after me and hurt me over the choices I make. So let me be strong, whatever I do, I'll do my best to be that way.

Thank you very much!! Lots of love!!