#WE'RE ALSO BOTH NONBINARY

[soaked-ghost]

the three genders: butch dyke, man fag, and grandpa

[grumpytrans]

happy pride month to all of my he/they queers specifically i love you 🌈❤️

[shojoboy]

Being Bisexual is sooo cool we can be any gender and be attracted to any gender any amount, we lovvvvve women and nonbinary people and men and even if we only ever date or fuck one of those we are still Bisexual. We aren't "half straight, half gay", because that's not how sexuality works. Sometimes it feels like we don't have our own community but tbh that's because, the Gay community? We in there. The Lesbian community? We in there. Trans community??? We in there!!!!!!!!!!!! Yippee!!!!!

[j-hawthorn]

Time to over share:

For some reason this morning I was thinking about my 9 month DS relationship with a polyam dom I found on tinder (bad idea) and we were hanging out with their girlfriend who was 1) much more lifestyle sub than me (I'm just here for fun, try and tell me what to do outside of kink and I'll scalp you), and 2) just way more obedient than me because I am a HUGE BRAT

Anyway, the dom did something and I turned to their girlfriend and tried SO HARD to get us to unionize but she wouldn't join me ;_;

Made up a song and everything

[putrefactive-boy]

im thinking about undertale so i dont have to think about my feelings again

[dashiellqvverty]

so evil that i can't find a single gifset of them in this episode at least not from searching the episode number like i usually do

[catgirlcrisis]

i hate to be chronically online but please dni if you are a space for bi lesbians or whatever they call themselves

[dracolizardlars]

The more I think about it the less I have even the slightest desire or need to get married or think that there's any chance that I ever will. I just don't get it at all. Completely not for me. If I ever end up technically getting legally married for financial reasons there'll be no ceremony.

[feralparsnip]

.

[worlds-smallest-epsilon]

My face when these horny transfems talking about being robots and having robot sex has gotten me going "what if I'm a robot"? 😳

[dragonstailbutch]

yo real quick, what does it mean when someone apparently dms you with "x" and then blocks you???

[themintycupcake]

My partner had no interest whatsoever in Splatoon 3 initially. They hadn't played a multi-player shooter since Halo. But then they watched me play it and saw Shiver. That sassy little octopus hit all the right buttons to turn my partner into an instant simp. They haven't simped this hard for a fictional character in a LOOOONG time. They did pick up the game and found it very fun and loves all of these funky little cephalopods but Shiver is their queen.

[fleetsparrow]

Inre: the reblog of kink teaching books, did y'all know...

My first partner gifted me The Ethical Slut on... either my first birthday or first Christmas together, an occasion, as we were a distance queer newly open relationship? It was very good and exciting and we are still friends to this day and I'm pretty sure I'm still chasing the high of that relationship omfg

[faggy--butch]

is it just me or is the "trans guys are just some boring guys and they make lame music and trans women are cool and interesting and make loud music" jokes almost like. an excuse for why theres not that many trans guys who are popular content creators or musicians or actors or authors or what have you. like blaming the invisibility of trans men on being "boring" and therefore not doing anything rather than oppression.

not to mention the example of music being that people have heard of one singular trans guy who works in a genre they dont like [people really love to act like cavetown is like specifically bad or cringe but thats just what most indie pop/rock/folk sounds like] and theyve heard of a handful of trans women who make hyperpop that they already like [and laura jane grace of course] and its really telling on themselves. theres trans guys making hyperpop and trans women making ""lame ukulele music"" and both of them and nonbinary people making music of tons of other genres. like. cmon. it reminds me of xkcd 385.

also i dont think these jokes are intentionally malicious or anything [most of the time] but it also feels sort of weird to be joking about how boring a group of marginalized people are. im not going to act like its the biggest deal in the world but its sort of low level bullying, innit? and i imagine having this weird expectation to be "cool and interesting" isnt fun for trans women either. its nice to get to be lame sometimes.

Yeah it's super weird, especially because it's repeated over and over, that part is the suspicious part. I even saw it on reddit a few days ago in one of the ftm subs. I do think it's like blaming the lack of trans men artists on trans men being "boring" instead of, you know the bigotry, the erasure, the inequality I think it's also a weird expectation that we all HAVE to live up to what other people think of as "cool" like if we're all not making hardcore metal and being as "SICK" as humanly possible, we are failing at transgender music and therefore are the reason trans men aren't represented as artists enough, which is ummm. okay.

why can't we make soft love songs about being bugs, or whatever. What happens to trans women who don't live up to the metal hardcore aesthetic? Look at Dylan Mulvaney. She made a dumb cutsie girlypop song and everyone acted like she is the founder of misogyny herself. So not only are we ridiculed for the music we make, we're trapped in transphobic expectations of what music we can or should make.

If you expect all trans women to make metal, you'll only see trans women who make metal, if you expect all trans men to make soft music, that's all you'll find! because that's all you looked for! Another thing is like, Oh all trans women music is cool and hardcore rock and roll, but trans men music is dumb and cutsie ukulele music? I wonder what gender those genres are normally associate with? Uhoh we're doing a sexism maybe the person making the joke doesn't have malicious intent, but the joke itself sure does.

[this-is-exorsexism]

when people tell me that because im bigender that i cannot be a lesbian because i am also a man

when i tell people i use all pronouns interchangeably and they only use one set (usually she/her)

when i tell people im taking testosterone to feel more bigender, they congratulate me and then mere seconds later start saying men are not allowed in the space we're in

i am both a boy and a girl. i cant feel safe expressing parts of my identity because people will excuse away their hatred with "well you're technically nonbinary/trans and therefore not an icky man :)" no. wrong. fuck you.

this is exorsexism.

[nothorses]

This is a genuine ask and I hope it doesn't come off as rude, obviously people can do whatever they want forever, but what is the logic behind a lesbian dating a transgender man? (By lesbian I mean someone who is only attracted to women), wouldn't that exclude binary trans men then since trans men are men? Or is it like "Trans men can be lesbians because they have vaginas" which just feels like bioessentialism with progressive wording...

I think the core misunderstanding here might be in your use of the word "logic". And there's a super high chance I'm extrapolating more intention than you put into that word choice, but hear me out.

On a super basic level, I think it's important to understand the reasons people use words like "lesbian" and "trans man" in the first place. In certain contexts, it makes sense to assign these terms more rigid definitions: a study would likely have a single, clear definition for those words in order to talk about some research results. An academic essay might need a shared definition if they're talking about broad trends and systemic issues.

But when we're talking about an individual's choice of identity labels- the words they use to describe their own personal experiences and relationship to gender and orientation- it doesn't make as much sense to apply someone else's definition of those words to that individual's use of them. They're trying to describe their own internal world to you; what matters in that conversation is how they understand the words they use, and why they chose them.

Don't get me wrong: common understandings of a word can play a part in that conversation! My understanding of what "gay trans man" means has been shaped almost entirely by other people. I chose those words for myself because of what I think most people will understand them to mean. In twenty years, it's possible that the common understandings of those words could change, and I might use different words to better communicate the same internal experience.

But I also might not. I might decide that my personal connection to those words is more important to me, or even that saying I'm a "gay trans man", as a person 20 years older than I am now, better reflects my internal experience as one that was shaped by the time I came to understand myself in. Maybe it'll be important to me to communicate that I understand myself as a "gay trans man" because of what those words meant 20 years ago. Maybe it'll be important to me to ask tomorrow's queer people to learn about my context, and my story, in order to really understand me.

And maybe, when I fill out a survey for a queer study in 20 years, I'll read the definitions they use for all of these identity labels and categorize myself accordingly, even though I don't personally identify with those definitions or words.

So yeah, I could talk about all the reasons someone might identify as a "lesbian" and still be attracted to trans men. I could talk about trans men who still call themselves "lesbians" because of what the words meant 20 or 40 years ago, or some unique definition they heard in one place and decided they liked enough to keep, even though nobody else has even heard it. I could talk about lesbians whose partners turn out to be trans men, and who still feel attracted to them afterwards; whose partners are okay with, or even feel validated by, their lesbian partners still calling themselves "lesbians". I could talk about nonbinary trans men, and bigender or multigender trans men, who are women and/or lesbians as much as they are trans men. I could talk about bi and pan lesbians, who may find themselves attracted to one trans man or a handful of men- trans and cis both- but otherwise mostly experience attraction to women.

But like, the point shouldn't be to find a good enough reason to justify it. The point isn't the "logic". The point is to understand that everyone's internal experience is fundamentally different from yours, and to be curious about each individual.

It's great that you asked this question in sincerity, but I'm the wrong person to be asking.

When someone says they're a lesbian who's attracted to trans men, they're trying to share something about themselves with you! That is a precious, unique thing you are being entrusted with. Get curious! Ask them what those words mean to them, and take the opportunity to get to know them better. Learn their story! Connect!

I can't tell you that person's story any more than you can guess it on your own, no matter how much you try to logic it out. That's exciting! The world is big, and it's full of unique stories and perspectives you couldn't even dream of inventing! That's so much better than a logic puzzle, don't you think?