#WHAT IF THEY (i) HAVE A DISABILITY MAKING IT SO THEY CAN'T TYPE AS FAST

[cemeterym]

i'm begging my uni to stop making every fucking student social activity something where you have to walk around a bunch if you are a slow walker who cannot help it they literally want you dead

[saltedsolenoid]

i will never forgive my english teacher for making two timed writings essential to pass the class

[pomefioredove]

hi!! could you pls do headcanons for the housewardens (+jamil) with a reader that stims? like if they get nervous or excited they do flappy hands! Gn reader, and the characters are crushing on reader but they’re not dating yet please! Thank you :>

:) of course! I stim so I get it LOL

summary: reader who stims! type of post: headcanons characters: riddle, leona, azul, jamil, kalim, vil, idia, malleus additional info: romantic or platonic for most, reader is gender neutral, reader is not specified to be yuu

Riddle already has a high "nonsense tolerance" when it comes to you

if you were anyone else, he would get overstimulated so fast

but, it's you

and he likes you

and he puts a lot more effort into making you comfortable around him than he would ever admit

so, by all means! fidget, stim, hum, he likes all of you

and if anyone else has a problem with it, they can go through him, first

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

if you can live with a little teasing, Leona can live with your stims

kidding

...kind of

he would never admit it to himself, but the way you get excited is kinda endearing to him

(major cuteness aggression)

so he just can't help teasing you a tiny bit for it

lovingly, of course

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Azul has an eye for detail and a love of figuring people out

and admiring observing you is one of his favorite pastimes!

he might need the information later

for... reasons.

he finds your mannerisms... interesting. your nervous ticks are so different from the other student's

then Floyd suggests you're obviously stimming; it just looks different "'cause you're on land and stuff,"

it makes sense (though he doesn't have to be so smug about it)

mystery solved

but Azul keeps staring at you, anyway. for... reasons.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

unsurprisingly, Kalim loves it

if he doesn't stim already, he might just start

it's a good way to let off some energy when he's overexcited, or calm him when he's nervous

(which happens more often than you'd think)

he would be baffled by the idea that people find it annoying

or weird, or childish

if he felt like someone was staring, or about to say something to you, he'd start stimming with you

power in numbers, right?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

surprisingly (or unsurprisingly?) Jamil doesn't really... care

at this point, he's dealt with everything

a nuclear bomb could go off and he probably wouldn't even react

that's a slow tuesday for him

it's only during the metaphorical nuclear fallout

(when he has that migraine he always gets)

that he'll ask you for quiet and space

and that's the very most he'll say about it

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Vil isn't ignorant

he's not going to punish you for something that you find helpful

...and Rook has his little quirks, too

besides, there's nothing you could do that he wouldn't find endearing

what he will do, however, is help you manage

to your comfort, of course

there's a drawer full of stim toys in the Pomefiore lounge probably

and if not, Rook probably has a doohickey or two that can keep your hands occupied during quiet/important/etc occasions

otherwise, you're free to do whatever

I'm gonna be so real tbh I see Pomefiore as a very disability-friendly dorm and I'll die on that hill

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Idia! the freak himself

(affectionate)

nah, he doesn't care

he probably has a ton of his own stims he's already super embarrassed about

so he's definitely not going to say anything to you

if anything, it makes him feel better about himself

it's cute when you do it

he starts 3D printing you toys he think you'll like, most that he designed himself

so, he does care, but... in a good way!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

LMAO okay. wait

between Lilia, Silver, and Sebek, there's no way Malleus would see stimming as anything but normal

Lilia probably starts crawling on the walls like a spider when he's excited

so hand-flapping is like aw... cute! :) to Malleus

he would, will, and has stared down anyone who makes a face or a nasty comment about it

so you can be sure that no one will ever say anything mean to you about it!

like, ever again

[evilminji]

God you know what I want to do? So very, very, badly?

My my Oc? Just let her... whip out a gun.

In the 1v1's of the sports festival. Against some Bakugo type asshole who won't stop running his Quirkist mouth. Is it against the rules? Absolutely. Is the gun REAL? Not even remotely, it's a paintball gun. Still very painful though. Still nearly as fast.

One to the forehead, one to the heart, maybe a few to disable whatever his Quirk is.

Stunned. Fucking. Silence.

They are on NATIONAL FUCKING TV.

This is LIVE.

She decided to bring along a voice amplifier, to make DAMN sure everyone heard her. Since if she's gonna commit the crime, do the time, she might as well get what she CAME FOR.

"You are NOT immortal. That Quirk? ANY Quirk? It does not make you a god. Brute strength and the ability to destroy robots won't save you from a bullet. You're not special, not matter WHAT party trick you do or don't get born with. You're still just human and it can still just end, at the point of the right weapon"

"Learn to wear armor and grow some fucking humility, before some else? Puts you in the ground. Being a hero is DANGEROUS and your 'Quirks are everything' bullshit is gonna get people killed. If it hasn't already. Now, enjoy your shiny trinket on a string. I forfeit."

*drops the paintball gun and turns of the amplifier, walks away*

*fuckin? Mic drop.*

Like? MA'AM. You are a FIRST YEAR STUDENT. Where did you get that? WHY would think that was acceptable? You realize half the schools in Japan would expell you for the PR nightmare you just unleashed? That rightfully, MOST of the audience? Probably should have arrested you?

Detention. Detention until you're DEAD OF OLD AGE. Then we are holding a tasteful funeral, and LAYING YOUR REMAINS TO REST in that room! 1000 years, kid! What the ACTUAL FUCK.

The principal is just... :D in the background.

His face might be frozen like that.

He's just... just So Happy. He loves it when his collection of Interesting Little Nightmares decides to Cause Problems On Purpose. Everything goes to shit! In such INTERESTING ways! It's like the combination of a challenging puzzle and a riveting social drama on tv!

Is this NOT the point of teaching and guiding young Heros? That they might challenge our understandings of Right and Wrong? What is and isn't acceptable? Push the world closer and closer to the grand and elusive "Better Tomorrow"?

Can't do THAT by stagnating in the status quo!

*delighted Nedzu Cackling*

[walrus150915]

Happy pride, Nimona fandom :3

I gotcha some sketches! Gotta place them in different parts of the post so that you read everything

It's not just drawings I got HEADCANONS for you too!

Off topic but I love Nimona's design SO MUCH it's so AMAZING TO DRAW AGHHH

So

⚧Nimona LGBTQ+ specific headcanons of mine🏳‍🌈

• I've made a conclusion that if queer flags exist in Nimona universe, as well as gay drag bars (so was confirmed in the artbook), then labels DO exist. As well as good old homophobia??? I suppose????

• Nimona doesn't have a specific label because she thinks they are sorta restrictive. Also she just doesn't need one lol, if somebody asked her about her gender she'd say "Nimona"

• She'd wear the heck out of a "protect trans kids" shirt she bought no she ain't feeding into the capitalist machine she stole it

• There was something between Nimona and Gloreth but Nimona can't exactly say what for sure. Not exactly romantic but not strictly platonic. Homegirl had that toxic doomed kindergarten yuri going on😭

• Nimona doesn't look for romantic relationships. She explains it as "romance is for sappy dumb-dumbs" but in reality she just doesn't want to date and romantically love somebody who'll. Eventually die and leave her all by herself again yk (oh this got angsty real fast)

• Maybe one day Ballister tried to help her find her label (because he still tries to put things in boxes) and she just waved it off

Speaking of Ballister

• My man is transgender. Do I even have to explain. Read one of those posts that explain his transness better LMAO

• He started his medical transition as a teenager and had to fit right in not to disrupt the Institute's function. If he's a man then he has to transition QUICKLY so that others don't notice

• Because of that he's a transmedicalist and probably an enbyphobe at the start of the movie, thinking only one type of valid transness exists, and it's the one that is very binary and restrictive

• At the end he realizes the wrong of his ways and works on the internalized transphobia

• He came to terms with his homosexuality a bit easier. "It's always been boys" yk the drill

A couple of words about his boy lol

• Ambrosius is a painfully cisgender gay man. I genuinely apologize to all Transbrosius believers but he gives off STRONG cis vibes can't have a character with this surname dickless

• He's a trans ally but his opinions on trans issues were like. Very closed-minded. He supported but didn't entirely understand. Of course it changed as he went through ✨character development✨

• He was fully supportive of Ballister on his trans journey. Reassured him when Ballister felt like he wasn't enough, tried to make his boyfriend as secure as possible, loving every part of him

There should be a bunch of rather suggestive headcanons but this isn't that type of post LOL

No but think about Ambrosius kissing down Ballister's body and across his chest scars. This is my ultimate dream as a trans man

• Ambrosius also rocks a "protect trans kids" shirt that's for SURE

• He came to terms with his queerness as a teenager and had a whole crisis about it. As a Goldenloin he had the expectations of ✨continuing Gloreth's bloodline✨ thrown at him back in childhood so he sorta internalized that. Then boom, my boy is g a y and oh how gay he is!

• Click here to read about my headcanons on goldenheart when they had only started falling in love :D

• Ambrosius made inoffensive jokes about Ballister's transness. Like yk those goofy puns like "baby you put men in MENstruation", "omg does this make your parents transparent". Ballister smiled at them and rolled his eyes but also silently appreciated his bf's support, although expressed so stupidly

• He also made sure Ballister took proper care of his body because you know Ballister would not bind safely, being a dumb teen

Anyway yeah gay people

Unpopular opinion but we as a fandom should start drawing Bal with a disability queer pride flag

Side characters headcanons, anyone? XD

• Diego came out as nonbinary after the events of the movie. He got that he/they swag going on

• Also Ballister was his queer awakening FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. He had the stupidest, most childish celebrity crush on Bal. Maybe Bal formed Diego's type in men fjfhhx I like to think Diego got a boyfriend whose attitude is similar to Bal's

• Remember those news anchors? (they are so underrated omg) Well Nate Knight has a husband and Alanzapam Davis is a bi queen🙏

• Speaking of queens. Valerin is a straight ally💪💪 I imagine her being quite iconic on the Kingdom's queer side of the internet. They call her "mother" and stuff aajjaj

• the Director is homophobic, need I say more? So is Todd but I actually imagine him being a type of guy to reject his queerness

Haha mailman *winks at yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt*

• Todd had NO idea Ballister was trans. NONE

• The Kingdom has pride events!! Ambrosius and Ballister were very happy and excited to attend those as an official couple once they were out :}

• Nimona attended them every year, ofc she had to hide her true nature but it was fun for her to march along! And it was even more fun when everyone accepted her!!

Anyway yeah this was very fun to make!! Happy pride y'all, lmk what you think ;D

[deathbypixelz]

Alright. I'm making this post because I was unpleasantly surprised to find Microsoft had forcibly downloaded an """"ai assistant"""" onto my computer (called Copilot), and because finding a site that actually told me how to kill it for good -- in clear, truly step-by-step terms -- was way harder than it needed to be.

Preface: this is only relevant if you're running Windows 11.

Here is your target:

If you see this logo on your taskbar -- or... have Edge installed on Windows 11 -- you've got Copilot. You can't delete it on its own, Microsoft has integrated it into the OS as best they can. The most you can do is disable it (instructions for which are at the very end of this post).

So... to REALLY get rid of it you need to uninstall Microsoft Edge, because it's a part of/reliant on Edge. A lot of bells and whistles of Windows are also reliant on Edge, like widgets, but I never use those. I use my PC almost exclusively for gaming, and I don't want this slimy "ai" shit on my computer. I use Firefox anyway. Edge can go die as far as I'm concerned.

Here's the actual steps, copy-pasted from a website that took me way too long to find. It also really makes my browser chug for some reason, which is why I'm copy-pasting the whole thing. If you still want to look at the site itself, put it in reader view as fast as you can (link to site).

1.) Open Microsoft Edge, type "edge://settings/help" in the address bar, and then press Enter.

2.) Click "About Microsoft Edge" at the bottom of the left-hand pane. Copy the version number at the top of the screen, under Microsoft Edge.

3.) Press Windows Key + S to open Windows Search.

4.) Type "Command Prompt", right-click the result, and then select "Run as Administrator".

5.) The User Account Control (UAC) prompt will appear. Click "Yes".

6.) Navigate to Edge’s “Installer” directory by using the cd command. Depending on which directory your Command Prompt opens in by default, you may need to use the "cd .." command to go back a level or two.

Once ready, run this command:

cd “Program Files (x86)\Microsoft\Edge\Application\Version Number\Installer”

Replace "Version Number" with your actual version number copied earlier.

7.) Next, run this command to uninstall Microsoft Edge:

setup –uninstall –force-uninstall –system-level

((It will look like nothing happened! Don't worry!))

8.) Restart your PC for the changes to take place.

((HOWEVER, Windows will try to reinstall it the next time your PC updates (or whenever it feels like it lol) so there's a second half to this))

1.) Press Windows Key + R to open Run.

2.) Type "regedit" in the text box and click OK to open the Registry Editor.

3.) The User Account Control (UAC) prompt will appear. Click "Yes".

4.) In the Registry Editor, navigate to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINES\SOFTWARE\Microsoft.

5.) Right-click the "Microsoft" folder, hover your cursor over "New", and then select "Key".

6.) Rename the new Key to "EdgeUpdate".

7.) Right-click EdgeUpdate, hover your cursor over "New", and then select "DWORD (32-bit) Value".

8.) Right-click the new value, which is currently named "New Value #1".

9.) Select "Rename" from the context menu.

10.) Rename the value to "DoNotUpdateToEdgeWithChromium".

11.) Right-click the newly-named DoNotUpdateToEdgeWithChromium value and select "Modify" from the context menu.

12.) The Edit DWORD (32-bit) Value window will appear. Change the Value data to "1" and then click OK.

((You are now free. If you ever run into a really serious, unavoidable issue with your OS that's clearly a result of Edge being gone, you can redownload it like a regular app. But you should be fine.))

((And, if for some reason you want still want Edge around but just want the copilot thing gone, here's what you do:

The command, for ease of copy-pasting: reg add HKCU\Software\Policies\Microsoft\Windows\WindowsCopilot /v TurnOffWindowsCopilot /t REG_DWORD /d 1 /f

You can't actually truly delete Copilot (without deleting Edge), only disable it. And as the reply says, you do have to do this every time you turn the computer on. I haven't tested that myself, but I believe it. I assume/hope that excludes just waking the computer up after it goes to sleep, but I don't know for sure.))

[letomills]

The "requests are paused until I'm done with the current ones" thing was wishful thinking (a bit like the closing statements in my last yt video 🤓) and I am once again thoroughly overwhelmed with everything.

Requests are firmly closed until further notice. I said yes to the FtM hairs for anon and the Tiggerypum tunics & iamliz13 alpha dresses for children & toddlers for the other anon (I did get the links you sent to the meshes), so I still intend to complete both.

A novel's worth of life updates under the cut (content warning for struggle with bipolar type 2, including questionable choices which should not be taken as advice).

Well over a year ago I shared that my mother was going through a really bad bipolar type 2 depression episode (looking back, mention of it in that post was very euphemistic, I must have been hopeful). The reason why I didn't give any updates after a while is that there is no satisfactory narrative that I could easily spin into words. She's not all better, she hasn't died or lost her mind for good, things have just been evolving at a snail's pace through a whole spectrum of very bleak colors. She's not fully hospitalized anymore, she lives at home with my brother and me, with day hospitalisation activities several times a week. The myriad psychiatrists that she's seen have not been able to find the "right" treatment for her, but hey, after lithium sent her into such a state of confusion that we thought she might stay mentally disabled for the rest of her life, at least now we know that's not an option. A couple days ago her psychiatrist prescribed a new antipsychotic to replace the one she'd been taking. She started the transition, and today confusion started showing its terrifying face again so she's not taking that pill tonight, or to be honest ever again unless her psychiatrist somehow manages to convince us otherwise (she'll report her symptoms and get counsel at the hospital tomorrow). Her cognition is already impaired, her short-term memory and ability to focus especially. She can't live alone, I keep and manage her pillboxes, make sure she's eating right and the stove is off, that sort of stuff. But at least, until the introduction of this new drug, she'd made considerable gains compared to when she was at her worst last winter. No way we're going back to that again.

On a more positive note, about a month and a half ago I started work at a grocery delivery place just up the street (yes that's what I'm doing with my degree in Mandarin and my master's in English-French translation studies). It's intense physically, kinda stressful, and not very well paid, but I think I like it and the people are very nice. What scares me is that my trial period ends in about 2 weeks and I'm not entirely sure that they'll want to keep me, considering I've made several mistakes and they don't seem to think that I work quite fast enough (I know I said the people were very nice, they are, that's just the job). They keep saying the work load is gonna get crazier starting in September. The way they're saying it may suggest that they do envision me as still working there in September, but maybe they're trying to push me to work faster now and if I can't prove that I'm able to they won't keep me? Well I'm already doing my best, even if sometimes I end up finding myself crying over clients' items because my brain isn't able to focus anymore and I'm messing up and wasting time.

Emotional control has been harder because I unilaterally made the decision to taper off my antidepressant. Now before you facepalm, let me flood you with all of my best questionable arguments: • I do have an appointment with my psychiatrist, the earliest date I could get was October 1st (and I may have to postpone, depending on my work hours that day which I don't know yet). • I was already on the lowest dose that you can be on. • I tapered off very slowly. • I recently talked about it with the nurse that I saw for the mandatory medical visit I had to go to because I got the new job (idk if you have that outside of France). Naturally she was alarmed that I'd been weaning myself off on my own and she convinced me to see my GP asap and not change my medication without at least his input (which yes, I know). • the reasons I did it despite knowing that it's inadvisable are: 1) obviously I haven't been feeling depressed for a while or I wouldn't have done it, 2) the amount of endorphin-producing physical exercise I get from the new job felt like it could maybe do the trick so it was worth a try, 3) seeing how much my mom's medication has messed up her cognition over the years is scary. She's been taking way higher doses of antidepressants than me, along with other stuff, over a way longer period of time, but still. I don't want to be on it if it's not strictly necessary, so I wanted to try off. • I'm still taking my antipsychotic religiously and have no intention to stop that (I can't anyway or I won't be able to sleep and I'll definitely lose the job).

My plan with the antidepressant was to space out the doses and eventually get off it entirely for several weeks before reassessing, but after seeing that nurse, I started upping again to one dose every other day. I will admit, I was having suicidal thoughts after several days off, and now it's gone. Maybe I should find having suicidal thoughts more alarming than I do, the nurse's phrasing when she asked if I did - something that could translate to "no suicidals thoughts, riiight?" - was a good reminder that suicidal thoughts are really bad to have oh no. Of course I said no, why would I want her to interfere (leave me to make decisions for my own self thank you). Anyway, the appointment with my GP is in two days. He's gonna be useless on psych stuff but I guess getting his unqualified, predictable input is the responsible thing to do in polite society. More relevantly, the nurse also told me to go see him because my blood pressure is a bit low, or at least it was at 9/6 when she saw me, so I need to have it retaken and see what's up with that if anything.

And so yes, I have a ton of CC plans as always, I am positively drowning. Beside the two requests I mentioned above the cut, one of which I need to do a lot of learning for, I picked up work on Celestialspritz's beta Vincent skins and started converting afbodykimono for the usual roaster of breasted body shapes, like I did with afbodyqipao here and would like to do with more Happy Holiday Stuff outfits in the future. Although I told myself that I would stick to the body shapes that I've already done stuff for, I now also want to make a set of clothes for Lady Apple. I also have an idea about a set of scrawny body shapes for TU-EU inspired by Mrs Crumplebottom's body shape. I know Melodie9's slim family exists but to be honest those shapes creep me out and I want to see if I can do something less uncanny (it may end up looking too similar to the Androgyny body shapes, or to Faerie Gal, or it may not pan out at all, so don't hold your breath). I also want to do a ton of hairs in FakeBlood's palette + Naberius (tbh I'm still not 100% sure if I like Timebomb or Naberius more for my aliens, I need to figure that out once and for all). And of course I want to do more FtM & MtF hair conversions once I know how to do it well enough. There's a billion smaller projects I'd like to insert in between those, outfit conversions for one or a couple body shapes, repurposing of older meshes, a set of nude "outfits" for all the body shapes I do, etc.

[thebibliosphere]

Hey Joy, this isn't a question so much as a way for me to convince myself I'm not a hypochondriac, lol. Lately, I've been experiencing symptoms of fatigue, brain fog or memory issues, light-headedness, etc, that are uncommon for my age (30). I have related disorders such as anemia, anxiety, & ADHD that may be contributing to these symptoms, although they seem to have gotten worse or appear more frequently now than when I was initially diagnosed with those disorders. My work allows me to read & interact with disabled people with rare diseases, so I often find similarities with their medical issues. At first, I thought this was all just burnout or something related to the lockdown during COVID. I just saw my doctor and had blood work done to check my levels, and I may have a heart condition (tachycardia, mitral valve prolapse). I've fallen asleep at work before because I can't keep my eyes open, even after a full 8 hours of sleep. I can get dizzy from standing up too fast & can't seem to be on my feet for very long without discomfort & pain (I used to work retail, how did I ever do it?). I've researched some of my symptoms and found ME/CFS and POTS as possible conditions. Do you think it's a possibility I have these, or is it just my anxiety? Thank you! (P.s. Hunger Pangs is on my tbr!)

I obviously cannot tell you with any certainty what is wrong--and I am glad you are seeing doctors about it already and may have possible answers wrt tachycardia and the mitral valve.

What I will say is that there are many types of dysautonomia, of which POTS is one, and that what you are describing sounds very familiar to me as someone with two known types of dysautonomia.

The fact that this is hampering your quality of life to the point where you fall asleep at work, are unable to stand without getting dizzy, and are experiencing chronic pain, is enough of a reason to pursue further testing for things like dysautonomia and, yes, possibly even ME/CFS though given your history of anemia, I'm inclined more toward dysautonomia because the two often go hand in hand.

Also, it is normal to feel anxiety experiencing these types of symptoms. Even if it turns out to be a symptom of your anxiety, doesn't make the experiences any less real and debilitating, and you deserve treatment that will help improve your quality and comfort of life. And there is treatment and things you can do that will make you feel better. Getting your anemia under control should be a top priority if it isn't already. Mines was allowed to go untreated for years until we found out my iron anemia was being caused by pernicious anemia (b12 deficiency), and the iron anemia I'd been plagued with since birth suddenly cleared up.

Years and years of blood transfusions and infusion treatments, and the whole time I needed b12. Who knew? Certainly not my old doctors.

Anyway. If your symptoms are at the point where you are recognizing yourself in things like POTS? It's time to pursue that with your doctor. Don't put it off because you think it's not that bad or others have it worse. Everyone deserves to feel well.

Good luck.

[thelunarsystemwrites]

Alsoo!!

(Tic trigger warning!!)

I myself would like to be a bit more open about my own disabilities! For me, I'm neurodiverse, have chronic exhaustion and pains, and an unfortunate amount of mental illnesses, and some tasks that are difficult for me are:

Reading books:

The way books are held, cause severe discomfort in neck, shoulders, and back due to the way i must read and hold a book.

Information being processed is delayed for me, this causes me to have to reread the same pages again and again to register the information. (Often co-exists with lack of focus.)

Bad memory and dissociation makes retaining and remembering information nearly impossible.

Executive disfunction causes me to stop reading, be unable to pick the book back up—and I forget what previously happened due to bad memory. Also makes me lose motivation to read.

Words do like, this weird mixing thing in my head. Where I'll read the order of words backwards, read them as the wrong words, read letters in the wrong place like a typo, etc. And like it's annoying.

Anxiety makes 'suspense' stressful and not enjoyable, I tend to always look up the endings way before I'm done. If I don't, I get anxious /neg

Lack of focus can cause me to lose my place in the book, read without registering it (similar to my information processing issues)

aphantasia (basically I can't visualize stuff in my head) means I cannot visualize what's happening in the book, so it's just... words, which is cool i guess but not super fun

Exhausting. It's exhausting to read a lot, it's why I don't read fanfics longer than 2k words often. It takes a lot of mental energy to read.

Bad motion skills! My hands give out sometimes and I drop the book! And if I'm already exhausted/in pain, I don't wanna pick it up!

Tics! Same story, but my tics get painful, and are anxiety prone/triggered. So suspense, gives me anxiety, tics—Suddenly I can't focus on the book.

Sensory issues!! Some sounds/feelings book make, make me feel sick/make me shiver, icky!

Okay, so... I was gonna list off other disabilities I have, but... I didn't realize just how much that is by itself. I actually had to take a break writing this, because again, it takes a lot of mental energy.

It starts hurting my wrist to hold up my phone to type. I get bored, i have to fix all the typos and proof read, etc etc.

I didn't realize how much energy I put into reading. How it's not always enjoyable for me.

And yet I'm a fast reader, minus all that?

Looking at all these, I feel silly. It's a pretty basic task and yet I see it as a chore.

Itshxoxohxoipfjfpfupfjp sorry I'm being pathetic.

(Also depth perspective makes Mr hold thr book way too closely, which starts hurting my eyes. Reading too long gives me headachesss)

[birdofmay]

Why do autistic people sometimes are nonverbal?

Great question anon, experts try to find an answer to that for decades now! ☝🏼

There are many reasons and sometimes the person themself doesn't know it either.

One example could be more or less severe intellectual disability, so that they don't know how speaking works in general.

Or maybe language is confusing. I didn't understand spoken language until I was 3 years old, I think. Until then, speech was only noise to me. And even now my brain struggles to process what people say/that they are speaking if they're talking too fast or too complex, I feel like I have to turn on language comprehension myself, it's like a separate channel. This goes for written language as well btw. But in my case written language is easier to understand.

I don't think in words, but in pictures, so I have to translate every thought into words before I can tell others what I think. I can type without AAC now, but that was a lot of work and practice. It's like I had to learn a difficult foreign language, even though it's my native language. Because language is a strange concept and not how my brain operates. And if I try to speak, my brain goes completely blank, this is comparable to fully verbal people who forgot what they were going to say and don't know how to respond to something.

Some autistics have aphasia. This often is due to traumatic brain injury, but not necessarily.

Another reason could be childhood apraxia of speech (CAS). Those people often have normal language comprehension and processing, but their mouth won't cooperate. They try to say something, but they're only mumbling or can't make a sound at all, depending on the severity. This can be improved by therapy to a degree, but some people have it in such a severe way that speech never can be reached, only sounds if at all. These are the kind of nonverbal/nonspeaking autistics where people sometimes say "They normally would have the ability to speak, but they decided not to speak" - which is terribly incorrect, but it's because CAS people often have normal language comprehension, so some people assume that this automatically makes you able to speak 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm sure there are many other reasons, like regression for example or fatigue or traumatic injuries, but these are the main reasons I can think of for people who never learned how to speak from the very beginning.

Edit: it would be nice if people who learned to speak as a child and now normally can speak (even though it's hard for them) could stop adding on why they struggle with speech.

This post is about those who never learned to speak from the very beginning, or those who now can't speak at all anymore due to regression, etc. It's not about selective/situational mutism either. It's about autistics who can't speak at all and often never learned it from the very beginning.

[thetreestumptherapist]

Why the flood is so terrifying

Here is the flood terror post I promised yall.

I was going to include a star wars - halo mashup post in this one, but I feel that would make it too long.

Also, this is the post that I made the "accidental deletions" post about. I am still in pain...

The Flood is a zombie. But, it's a different type of zombie and in my opinion the best and most terrifying zombie to this day. If you have any suggestions for a more terrifying zombie after reading this post, please do let me know.

Lets start with it's infection style. It has 4 main forms, the infection forms, the combat forms, the growth pod forms (idk what those ones are officially called), and the Gravemind. The infections forms literally eat their way into the chest cavity and corrupt from the inside out, growing mass so fast that the unfortunate victim's head pops off and sticks out the side, and the infection form takes its place. That alone is terrifying. Canonically marines have killed themselves so they didn't have to deal with this thing. The flood corrupts you like a cancer, and it corrupts at ungodly speeds. If you are infected, there is no cure. You are gone in seconds, turned into a hive-minded killing machine. In some cases the flood won't immediately take its host's mind, but will instead slowly infect their mind while digging through it for information, essentially absorbing the victim's mind into it's own. Also, Graveminds are able to store information at an external source, so if it gets destroyed, and another one gets made, it will have all the information from the previous Graveminds. This thing has decades to centuries of information on humans and the other species.

Now let's move to its attack patterns:

On little battlegrounds, it overwhelms you. The flood is a numbers game. It throws hordes of infection forms at you, and uses combat forms to disable/occupy you so the infection forms can take over your body. On the larger scale though, the flood is terrifyingly smart. It goes for utilities, governments, etc. It takes out the electricity and moves around in the dark. It takes out figures of power, causing disorder and mass chaos, leaving the people confused, scared, and easier to attack.

(This is the point I had to retype from because I accidentally highlighted and deleted like 2 paragraphs (-_-) also I'm not gonna get the same wording I had before which annoys me immensely)

I once saw a youtube short where a person said the flood could take over the earth in just 7 days. 7. Days. one week. over 8 billion people. With each infection adding to the Flood's army, spreading faster and faster. Eventually forming a Gravemind, and corrupting the Earth itself. Probably forming a super flood capable of slip-space travel on it's own. (I had to look this up on the flood wiki to make sure I had some facts right, and found out that there are sub-forms as well. And I couldn't find much on the super flood form, other than the fact that this form is actually only theoretical) (Also, having read some of the wiki, that's some super fascinating and morbid information on that page. If I'm not careful I'll end up in a wiki deep dive and forget to finish this post. Highly recommend reading it) It is insanely lucky that Chief and Thel were there when the flood attacked because earth wouldn't have stood a chance without them there at the moment of infection. In the words of Rtas 'Vadum "One single flood spore can wipe out an entire species."

(This is where I had written to, before the deletion. From this point its all new stuff) (I can't remember what I was going to say after this point either and I'm really mad)

Rtas was ready to glass the entire earth to make sure the flood didn't spread. Honestly, i can't blame him and fully understand why he would do that. The flood took over High Charity in a matter of hours. And took only a few days to make a hive out of the city. The flood took over an entire Covenant city in HOURS.

I think it's important to mention that the Flood is one of the only things to ever make Chief feel truly scared. I don't remember where I read/saw it. It may have been in a skimming of the flood book (I want to read it but haven't had time), but I read that the Chief wasn't scared of much at all, but the flood, it scared him. Like, he was genuinely afraid of it.

Flood Fun fact: the flood is actually caused by corrupted Precursor dust which caused madness and mutations in those that came into contact with it. I thought it infected a fungus first and then spread to animals and humans, but I guess not because I can't find anything about that. I did find that the humans actually experimented on animals with the dust, and then went mad themselves. I guess I have a lot of reading to do.

Speed summary on the background of the precursors and the dust: they got in a war with the forerunners and almost got wiped out so they became dust that was supposed to reincarnate them later but it got corrupted and started infecting people and eventually became the flood we know today

The articles I have done my best to research and fact check with for this post:

Look at how similar the flood looks to the precursors.

I have exhausted my words for this post. I can't think of anything else to say without giving the ENTIRE history of the flood and while I'm sure most of you wouldn't mind that, I feel that would be too much so I included the links to the wiki pages in this post. The flood is the most terrifying enemy I can think of from a realistic point of view. Like, if we had to fight this thing irl, we're all screwed. We could handle possessed animatronics, we could handle jedi and sith, we could even handle the covenant, (barely, but I think we could do it). But, the flood? We're toast.

[blazehedgehog]

You said that you didn't like watching Scorpy for "reasons"... are you able to elaborate on that? I get it if not.

He just went through a phase of being weirdly aggressive about wanting to make loud noises. Like yelling into the mic so loud it creates static, that kind of stuff. Which I've heard from other RTVS people "that's just how Scorpy is" and that's fine, I guess. Let him live his truth. I'm not here to control anyone.

There's a whole generation of people 10 years younger than me that are like him and think "loud noise = funny" and I've never vibed with that. Never ever.

For one, when people do that stuff, it actually causes me pain. For two, if it stops hurting, then that's permanent hearing damage. My mother had hearing damage that as she got older rapidly went from "mild" to "severe" over the course of about ten years, and being with her for that was incredibly difficult for both of us.

She'd put the TV up to 70% because it was the only way she could hear anything, and one time I asked her to turn it down and she practically burst into tears because she knew it was a burden, she worried about it constantly, and she was even afraid the neighbors were going to start complaining. But there was nothing she could do.

In her own words, "What am I supposed to do? Just sit here in silence until I keel over dead?"

That kind of hearing damage compounds on itself. That's why it got so much worse, so fast. You damage your hearing once and now you're creeping up the volume dial just to hear normally, damaging your hearing more, and more, and more, like a multiplier.

Living with her, I bought construction site grade earplugs and wore them to bed every night. And I could still hear the TV from all the way across the apartment.

For three, I've actually had people who had to buy new phones because some kid blasted them with an extremely loud sound in a "funny" Youtube video and it actually blew out their speaker and ruined the phone.

So you're costing me money, you're costing me my health, and you're costing me my well-being.

Y'all are gonna need hearing aids before you're 50. And, for four: hearing aids are not a good fix for hearing damage. My mom actually tried multiple different types of hearing aids in the hopes they would help and she did not like a single one of them. And she's not the only one; I've read posts from at least one other person (with a listening disability, not just hearing damage) who said they went through years, decades even, of trying many many many different hearing aids, and all it did was make them tired of having to deal with it. Ultimately they decided they would rather embrace deafness than having to try yet another hearing aid, because none of them were a comfortable substitute for what normal hearing is like.

So if Scorpy is going to buy another awful Rock Band microphone, and use it to get weird and indignant and "ON THIS STREAM WE JUST MAKE LOUD SOUNDS!!! THAT'S JUST WHO I AM!!!! DEAL WITH IT OR LEAVE GRANDPA!!!!" then, yeah, I don't have to watch. So I haven't. I've cut back on just about all of my RTVS viewing as a similar result, too.

And I can all but guarantee that I will have better hearing at age 75 than Scorpy will have at age 45

Which is a bummer. I like Scorpy. He's a good entertainer. We're on very similar wavelengths sometimes. And I like RTVS as a whole. But there's always this worry I could be stepping on a landmine where somebody tries to eat their mic and the rest of the chat goes "yes they jingled the keys for me, do it again."

You only get five senses, folks. Don't willingly cripple any one of them, because once they're gone, they aren't coming back. Don't live to regret something you can't reverse.

Sorry to be the bummer, but I gotta look out for my own health.

[autisticlee]

can there be a service for autistic people (maybe even other disabilities too) that's kind of like an aide or helper or assistant, but more of a casual friendly type thing? basically people volunteer to be paired with autistic people who don't have friends and struggle to make them and their job is to be our friend as in go places with us, play games, chat, etc. whatever friends do. but they are contractually obligated to stick with it and not hurt or abandon us, but work with us. maybe invite us to hang out with their friends. we can try different people to see who we best fit with. then maybe that person sticks with one of us and not multiple so they dont play favorites and neglect us or get overwhelmed or something.

it's a volunteer job and they don't get paid because all they're doing is being a friend and doing normal things that doesn't deserve pay lol. why should you get paid to pretend to be someone's friend? do it because you want to support someone who needs you, nit because you think it will be an easy job to make money. and friendship isn't a job. that weeds out people only doing it for money and not trying very hard or quitting when they think it's too hard and abandoning the person they were paired with. and that way it's a free service for us since most of us are poor. but they probably need to get some education as well, and we go over our own specific needs and expectations so they know what we need and expect from them, how to work with us, and what they should expect from us. they could work with counselors so if there are any problems they can't handle and are worried about us, we can get a check in or something. but generally, this would be good for very social and friendly people who like to help others and are open minded, accepting, and kindhearted. (which is getting increasingly hard to find in my experience...)

it would be hard to find the right people, but that's why it's good to have meetups and try to find the right match. because sometimes I think that, even if I dont relate to the neurotypical/allistic/abled people, it might be helpful to have someone who can navigate the social situations for me and let me just follow along and be included in things. someone I can ask to go to a convention with me and they can be my voice and keep me company and lead me, while having fun themselves. or someone who invites me to a party with their friends and let's me mostly ait in their room with their cat, but occasionally step out to listen to their conversation and laugh with them. I can absorb their fun energy and have more fun, feel included, but have the space i need, because they are willing to work with me, support me, and acccept me, my needs, and my boundaries.

other autistic or in general ND and disabled people are cool and all, but when they also struggle like I do, we end up not talking to each other becasue we don't know how or cant. we often don't get along because differences that get in the way ("im autistic and I can do that why don't you just do it too" -a real life example that I experienced) or we cant meet each other's needs or struggle with boundary issues. maybe we both need help and can't help each other. or if the other does help it burns them out so fast they are miserable (like my one friend who always has to speak for me and then shes burnt out for months after and cant even talk to me over text....we used to be so close. now we barely talk 🥲). or they don't want to do the things I want to do, like going out somewhere, and rather watch TV all day when I hate doing that.

it would be nice to have someone to consistently rely on to help me out with doing "normal" things no one else will do with me because i'm too autistic for them, or they are too disabled to deal with me. I know people aren't obligated to be my friend or do things with me. so that's why a "job" for this would be great, so someone IS more obligated to do it. because i'm so incredibly lonely and exhausted and losing my mind over having not a single person to turn to or rely on 🥲

does that make sense?????

[mayakern]

Adding my two cents here, hope you don't mind... The entire synthetic vs natural fiber argument is really reminding me of the plastic straw debate.... And I feel like the arguments are ignoring the nuance of the situations. Would I love if everything everywhere could be natural and biodegradable etc etc? Sure! Ofc! Except when degrading is what you DON'T want. I need to drink with a straw sometimes due to a bunch of personal health and sensory reasons. You know what sucks? Finding the fancy paper straw the cafe gave you has started to degrade part way through your drink. Or going somewhere that doesn't have straws at all. And personal stainless steel straws are a sensory nightmare!

Regarding clothing, I'd rather have a high quality polyester skirt that I can where over and over for years than a cotton skirt that will, given the material, eventually wear down regardless of how you care for it. I have synthetic blend shirts in my closet that I've had a literal decade and that I still wear! And I've had plenty of natural fiber clothes become sensory hell that I maybe got 3 or 4 wears out of. Polyester and other moisture wicking blends are also the best options for exercising and camping, especially if you have a tendency (like me) to overheat and oversweat. Cotton takes ages to dry out and doesn't breathe nearly as well.

And none of the natural fiber arguments ever seem to take the environmental costs to produce those natural fibers into account. A lot of the time they require a lot of water to grow and maintain on land they're likely not native to, planted in ways that push native plants and animals from their own environments. How is that necessarily better?

There are pros and cons of both fabric types. And ignoring that in favor of purely natural fibers can have negative impacts on people who may not have other choices. Like disabled people. Fat people. Poor people. People running small businesses. I promise, those of us that fall into any or all of those categories who are also environmentally conscious have looked into alternative options. And if we've gone back to synthetics? It's because we don't have one or we've weighed our options and came to the conclusion that actually, synthetic IS the more viable option.

When it comes right down to it, I think it's how we treat the garments and how long we continue wearing them that makes a difference, not what the materials are. Fast fashion is the problem. Not synthetic material itself.

I'm GLAD you provide high quality, durable, ethically sourced synthetic material skirts made in sizes and patterns we can't get anywhere else, all at a relatively affordable price point. Thank you!

And I apologize this is so long I just think, in this instance, the arguments can be a bit ridiculous sometimes. 😅

this is another facet and honestly part of it i just haven't had the energy to address. there's a lot of nuance to a situation that is often treated without nuance. you mentioned straws, which i think is a good comparison, but to me it really reminds me of the big push towards veganism a few years ago that completely overlooked labor concerns and that these "superfood" or alternative grain fads were incredibly destructive to the communities that relied on those foods as staples.

anyway that's a whole other issue with its own host of difficulties that i'm really not equipped to dig into haha

but yeah the quality in the construction of a garment and how it's treated (i.e. if it's worn for years or discarded after one use) bare way more impact on the environment than people realize.

the problem is, it is a lot easier and more profitable to sell people on changing WHAT they consume (natural vs synthetic) rather than HOW they consume.

[serial-serializednovelreader]

okay for the character ask game I couldn’t decide on characters or numbers, so I just threw some random characters and numbers together, and you can decide which apply the most to what character. Whatever you like!

SQ, Jeffers, Garrison, Nicholas, Kate, and Rhonda

1, 2, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 15, 16, 18, 20

What do you like or dislike about this character?

SQ - in the show, I like his introspection and that they fleshed him out to not just be Curtain's adopted son who loves art and is under his control (in both a good and bad way). My only issue is that he's not in season 2, we were robbed!! As for the books, I like that what starts out as comic relief ends up being a horrifying realization that this poor teenager is brainswept so much that he can't remember what he's saying. What I dislike is that we never get to see him grow beyond that. Yes, we see him choose kindness (which is great btw) over Curtain, but I wish we had actually gotten to see him in Riddle of Ages besides a quick mention.

Jeffers - I love that he gets to be goofy. Sure the Ten Men in the books were scary, but they let him just be whacky! And why not? I love characters that get to goof around and be silly, especially if they're not supposed to. Plus, you can tell the actor playing him is having a blast and that's how you know a character is well-done. I just wish he had been in season 1, but I'm glad you put him in S.O.S. so I can enjoy him there, Bods!

Garrison - I like that this character exists, first of all. I know book Curtain is the type to want to keep the science secrets to himself, but show Curtain needs a science person to delegate Whisperer stuff to. After all, when would he have time to do this?

(did I want an excuse to put this GIF in again? Yes, yes I did. It was too funny to resist.)

But seriously, I also love that while she does bend to Curtain, she does try to stand up to him in her own way. There's a complicated dynamic there (made more complicated by reading @nobodysdaydreams S.O.S. AU fanfic, which you should read if you haven't yet because OH BOY does it change things about Garrison for you) and it's so interesting to analyze. Also, she's just a little bit quirky and I love her for that.

Nicholas - in the show, I love that they gave him issues!!!! They made him anxious and the way Tony Hale makes his posture more stooped is *chef's kiss* lovely. His "excuse me - *cut to loud screaming montage*" is TOO RELATABLE. I think they were so right for that. Also, making him more directly responsible for Curtain's downfall was a great choice (though I don't actually blame him because he was a literal child it wasn't his fault; if anything, I blame the adoptive parents for separating twins and just not coming back for the other that's so messed up??? Who does that?????). The only thing I dislike was that they basically cut down his narcoleptic attacks to nearly nothing by the second season, almost like they didn't exist. Like, y'all, come on, don't do that!

As for the books, I love his wisdom, compassion and how he always makes time for the children. He always seems to know what they're thinking and is able to encourage them in their darkest hour. Although, I have a love/hate relationship with how they cured his narcolepsy in TPD because on one hand, I hate the "curing disability narrative", but on the other he actively hated it and wanted it gone (plus he had to suppress his emotions so much because of it) that I can't really blame him for wanting it gone...hard to know how to feel on that one!

Kate - KATE MY BELOVED!!! Again, I love everything about her. For show Kate, I love how fast-paced she is. It always makes me laugh when she says something like, "Tower. Scale it. Now!!!" It's so funny to me. Emmy did an amazing job bringing that aspect to life. Show Kate is also rougher around the edges -- I don't hate it because it's more realistic...it's just sad. :(

As for book Kate, I like that she brute forces her way to solutions. Oh she doesn't understand this maze? Guess she's running through the vents. I always admired her agility (and wished I could be that cool!!). I also like that she had to grapple with the dark urge of violence because it makes sense, she's the muscle of the team, why shouldn't she end the bad guys once and for all? A dark theme, sure, but I'm glad TLS didn't hold back on it.

Rhonda - Show Rhonda is so cool because she's so good at mediating within the group and I love that she also tries to fight in her own way against Curtain outside of their work with the society. We love to see some small acts of activism!!! No notes, amazing character.

For book Rhonda, I love how caring she is. She just always finds a way to show the group in big and small ways that she cares about them. I feel like if anyone is neurotypical in that group, it's her, and for once I mean that in a good way (let's be real, someone probably needs to be to remember things and help with social cues) /j. I wish we got to see more of her!

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Nicholas - in the books, that he learned ASL for Violet in his prequel book! I took 3 ASL classes and while it shouldn't be a big deal for a hearing person to learn sign language for a Deaf person, many times they won't. I love that he automatically accommodated her needs, rather than trying to make her accommodate him. As for the show, the screaming scene comes to mind, but I like that he reads aloud to his friends, I think it's sweet :)

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Garrison - Giants by Imagine Dragons

Soooo again I had to manually pick this song since I don't really think of MBS characters + music together (which is weird of my brain to do, but whatever!). The reason I picked this song is because it's about addiction and someone reflecting on what they've become because of it. I think it especially applies to your S.O.S headcanon of Garrison and how she is in season 2. Wish I had a happier answer. :(

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Jeffers - that y'all gaslit me into thinking his name was Jeepers (s/o to @mvshortcut for reassuring me I was right) and that we have Secure the Perimeter Saturday. I think it's beautiful. 😍 ❤️

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Rhonda - I haven't seen anything I truly despise, but it definitely irks me when she gets forgotten (or whitewashed, I was worried the show was going to do that). She's such an interesting character and deserves to be included as much as possible!!!!!! Again, it's nothing I've actually seen, but if I had to pick.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Rhonda - yes, I think so! She'd get the worst end of the bargain dealing with my eccentricities, but I honestly think we could make it work. I'd do my best to try to make things easier for her living with me lol.

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

Kate - 🪣 ...sorry, I had to!

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

Kate x Reynie - Sorry not sorry, I've always been a Kaynie girlie!!!! I enjoy that TMBS didn't dive into romance at all because it's good to get a break from that. Unfortunately, I'm a hopeless romantic and, at least in the books, I saw potential for something to grow when they got older (like when Reynie gets electrocuted by Curtain in TPD and Kate holds his hand while crying...that scene BROKE ME 😭 😭 😭 ).

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

Garrison x Curtain - idk if anyone actually ships this (I haven't seen it, I'm just adding it to the mix for consideration), but the thought of this makes me want to barf. Just....nah.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

Nicholas - I've always admired his relationship with Milligan. If you're able to gain the loyalty and friendship of someone who's lost all of their memories, you're doing something right. :) I know Nicholas is always going to feel responsible for Curtain's misdeeds, and by extension, Milligan's memory loss (in both the books and show since Curtain is his brother and Nicholas is too much of an empath to not feel some kind of guilt), but I truly admire how he treats Milligan as someone to be taken seriously and who he wants to help.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Jeffers - I don't know if this crossover is allowed, but can you imagine if Moocho Brazos and Jeffers became friends outside of Curtain's influence? I don't know, I just feel like they would be besties and potentially great together in a fight. Moocho would totally break out some cool helicopter fighting moves and Jeffers would do...something?

I hope you enjoy these answers. This was super fun, Bods!!

[happypoppyhaha]

Self-made hellhole

"Sir, I'm leaving soon...I don't need anybody to support me if I'm going to live alone again. I'm not that disabled or unhinged..."

*Sitting on a paper sheet bed, looking tried and annoyed at yourself and at the situation, you put yourself in. This isn't the first time you pulled yourself into something like this. Making it regrettable all over again.*

"I understand but your records show how much you called the hotlines for help every time your PTSD is triggered, I can't trust your words this time. I'll send a caretaker for you. This is going to be repetitive enough for you to be sent to the Asylum, I don't want that for you. You came back four times, they're keeping notes on you and will take action if this happens again."

*You signed and put your head down, knowing your doctor is right. So you didn't argue and nod your head, accepting a caretaker will have contact and access to you.*

"Fine...what's their name and when will they be coming? Are they safe to be trusted alone with?"

*Your doctor looks at his computer to see any person is available, his eyes widen and smiles before looking at you.*

"His name is Ymir Floras. He will be coming tomorrow morning. At 10 o'clock. Don't worry, he's a good caretaker, you'll get along with him just fine like everybody else who said positive things about him, okay? He's a friend of mine."

*You didn't know this person but he informed you he's not bad and a friend. Since your doctor is saying he's good then he's good...No need to worry that a man will be your caretaker... right?*

"Okay, can I get my stuff now? Sorry, if I'm being impatient but I really want to get out of here and enjoy being outside with unlimited freedom."

*He laughs and shrugged, not being offended by it.*

"Okay, I'll make it fast."

*He returns the stuff in a bag that the people took from you before entering the mental hospital. You got all your jewelry back, f/c earrings, f/c bracelets, f/c necklaces, f/c shoes, f/c socks that suit your taste with matching your f/c clothes you wore before you need to take off the clothes that the people making you have on right now.*

"Before you go ahead and change. I want you to sign this paper, saying you're agreeing with the terms of having a caretaker and sign here saying you understand if you come back you will be sent into a different program, Asylum."

*He said it twice just to remind you how serious it is, you're feeling gullible as you watch him handing you a pen to sign, you took it and started writing your initials on it in cursive you gave the pen back and grab your stuff that was in a bag ahead to the bathroom to change.*

"Fuck...why don't I ever learn? God...this gotta be one of my habits... Thinking it will be a one time thing just to fuck myself all over again because I can't get myself to reach proper help, convincing myself I don't need it...."

*You talk to yourself while undressing in front of the mirror where the sink is placed. Taking off the clothes and folding them up before placing them in a bag. Now, wearing your shoes and clothes while putting all your jewelry on making sure you're looking cute in the mirror before leaving.*

"Here's the clothes and thank you."

*You closed the bathroom door behind  you and put the bagged clothes on the sheet bed while he was typing something on his computer.*

"Thank you for returning it and have a good day, remember don't come back here, y/n."

"Got it."

*His last words make your skin crawl, "Asylum" Oh God, you don't even want to hear it anymore. So you quickly walked out of his office and let the people who were waiting to escort you out of the building to the exit. They waved goodbye with a smile on their face as you walked to your car and drove off.*

"I need to get my life together, I can't keep breaking like this...I don't know if having a caretaker will help my problems out...but I'll take it. It's better than nothing..."