#Weird choice of words courtesy of me

[jinx-blackout-84]

Just got an entire tub of cool whip and I'm eating it raw

[mrsdesade]

Hey!! i love your writing, feel free to ignore, but i just wanted to request homelander x reader where he introduces the reader to ryan or how the three of them spend time together, something like that

thank you!!

OF COURSE, I love the idea! Maybe I'll do a part.2 with all the headcanons about how they spent time together! Thanks for the request dear anon! :)

Pretty golden cage;

Pairing: Homelander x fem!super (Ophera as usual) TW: no one, just bit of tension/angst and Homie being an asshole Timeline: season 4 Words count: 3,6k

You always knew who Ryan was. Homelander's beloved son. Rumors about him were whispered by everyone at Vought Tower, and you had been paying attention over the years. You knew about his powers, about the unfortunate way he came into the world, and how attached Homelander was to him.

You already had your problems, you didn't mean to get close to that too. You never judged Ryan for his choices or his actions, quite the opposite. You felt quite sorry for him.

Trapped in a golden cage, with the suffocating attentions of his father, who continued to demand only perfection from and for him. It happened to you too, at the beginning of your relationship with Homelander. In which you are still trapped with no way out.

You had wondered why he still hadn't insisted on you being Ryan's mother. But that was okay, you didn't want it. Until the day arrived, the day of your official introduction to each others.

"Ryan, theres someone I want you to meet. This is Ophera.''

Ryan glances at you with a mixture of curiosity and uncertainty, his eyes tracing the features of your incredibly beautiful face. Made for the spotlight. He's clearly intrigued by your appearance, but also a little intimidated by it.

"H-hi, Ophera."

You can feel the weight of Ryan's gaze on you, and you can sense his nervousness at finally meeting you. The situation definitely feels a bit bizarre, considering your complicated relationship with his father. You glance briefly at Homelander, unsure of how to approach this interaction.

He stands aside, watching you and his son, with a hint of trepidation. He seems just as uncertain about how you two will interact. He silently observes your reaction and lets you respond to him.

You can't deny it to yourself, one misstep with the little boy and everything is over for you. But you've never been good with children, and you know her father's expectations are very high. He will not admit any mistakes or flaws.

Trying to break the ice, Ryan smiles at you, even though is a slightly wobbly smile, and asks a question.

"So, you're... the singer, right? I saw you on tv. And my dad speak a lot about you and your music."

His words surprise you a little. You're not used to hearing Homelander talking about you, at least positively. You try to find the right words to respond to his comment with a gentle smile.

"Yes, It's me. And I am surprised that your father talks about me to you. Did he say something nice?" you can't help but wonder what else he's told him.

"Yeah. He said your singing voice is really beautiful and that you have a lot of fans. He also said you can control some kinds of metal and you're really strong. He's lucky to have a woman like you to his side."

''Oh, uhm, yeah-- yes...he's right.''

The situation becomes more and more weird for you, you don't know what the point of the situation is, or because Homelander wanted you to meet Ryan. Out of courtesy or for some other strange reason?

As the conversation continues, you can't shake off the feeling that there's a deeper meaning behind this meeting. Homelander's intentions are unclear and there's definitely something else behind this introduction. He seems to be carefully watching your every interaction with his son, analyzing your reactions and responses.

Ryan seems to be more at ease now, and his nervousness begins to fade away while he walk with you around the room and making you sit beside him on the sofa. But there is still silence between you, you don't know what to talk about.

You take a deep breath and decide that you have to improvise, you lean towards the boy and pretend to whisper something to him, in an gentle and funny way.

''I know it's hard for you too, I understand, it's embarrassing to have to interact like this...but let's say something, anything, so your dad will be happy and he let's us go back to our business.''

Ryan looks at you with a mixture of curiosity and relief. He seems a bit surprised by your casual and friendly approach, but he clearly appreciates it. He lowers his voice too and responds in a whisper.

"Yeah, it's a bit weird. My dad's been talking about you a lot, but I didn't know what to say or what to ask you…"

Homelander, noticing Ryan's relaxed expression and your attempt to break the ice, finally decides to join the conversation. His voice is light, friendly sarcastic.

"I can't believe you're talking about me behind my back.'' he says with a hint of faux-offended tone in his voice. He walks over to where you and his son are sitting, takes a seat on the armchair opposite the sofa.

''Come on, you can ask her whatever you want, she don't bite.''

"Okay, then...um..."

He takes a moment, clearly thinking of a question to ask. He glances at you, then back at his father. It's evident that he's not sure what kind of question will please his dad.

Seeing how Ryan is in difficulty, you decide to take the reins of the situation.

''Listen, Homelander. I really appreciate you wanting me to meet your son...it's really cute from you. And he seems a good little boy. But I don't understand what's happening and why I am here today.''

"Ah, always to the point, aren't you?" he replies, a note of sarcasm in his voice.

"I just want to introduce my son to the woman I care about."

You don't believe his sweet words, you know he only does it to appear like a good person in front of his son. But you can't expose him, you don't want to, you're just trying to understand what's your role is in this show.

Homelander notices the skepticism on your face, but he remains cool and composed.

"Oh, come on! Can't I be a loving father who wants his son to meet the woman he's dating?"

The word "dating" stings you as soon as it crosses his lips. It's not true, you're not actually dating, not in the traditional understanding of the term. Ryan looks between you and his father, a bit perplexed by the interaction. The boy's clearly not used to this dynamic.

Any other woman would have acted differently, she would have thrown herself into cuddling and giving affecction to the boy without hesitation. Even just for fear of not pleasing his father. But you don't have this instinct. The maternal instinct has never belonged to you. And now you feel the weight of it, you really want to help Ryan get out from this situation, but you are in difficult too. And all your stage audacity seems to vanish in front of a child.

''Sure, sure you can...I wonder why you didn't introduce us sooner.''

Homelander gives a little laugh, enjoying your sarcastic response.

"Who knows..." he replies nonchalant. "I guess I just wanted to wait for the right moment. But now, here we are. And I think Ryan already likes you."

Ryan, who has been quietly following the conversation, nods in agreement. He doesn't seem entirely convinced or comfortable in the situation, his eyes are searching for yours. Subconsciously hoping that you can show more humanity than all the other supers he's met so far.

"Yeah, you're... cool. I listened to your song, I like them."

''Oh, and what's your favourite?---'' you are about to answer to him, finally with a normal kind of conversation, but you are interrupted.

"See? Looks like you've got a new fan!" Homelander gets up from the armchair, walking over to stand behind you on the sofa. His hand rests possessively on your shoulder.

"Isn't she great?" he asks, looking down at you with a hint of malice in his eyes. "She's smart, talented, and beautiful. The perfect woman."

Ryan nods again, trying to look enthusiastic, but something in his expression seems forced.

You can't tolerate this, you sense Ryan's anxiety constantly. You and him are trapped in the same cage. Then you then turn to Homelander and give him a seemingly kind smile, trying to you try to change the subject. You're going to put up with it for the little boy's sake.

''Seems pretty clear that I've been approved.''

Homelander grins, satisfied with your response. He gives your shoulder a light, almost condescending little pat.

"Oh, definitely approved." he says, the possessive hint in his tone still there. "He's a smart kid, he knows a good person when he sees one."

Ryan looks at you from across the room, trying to gauge your reaction. He can sense that you're trying to make things better, but the atmosphere in the room is still a bit awkward.

"Buddy, why don't you ask her to sing a little something for us?" Homelander ask, clearly intending not to let the moment end.

The little one looks surprised by the imprompt request. He glances briefly at you, clearly hesitant about the idea. Seeing his discomfort, you give him a reassuring look, as if to tell that you can handle it. At least that would have been a good moment.

''I don't know dad, maybe she doesn't want to, maybe she's tired...''

''Nah. It's just a little song, it won't hurt her, will it?" Homelander's expression hardens slightly, his tone becoming sarcastic.

"Um…can you sing something for us…please?"

''What's your favourite song of mine Ryan? I'd love to sing for you.'' you gently said to Ryan, leaning in his direction. Trying your best to create a serene moment out of this tense situation. He seems grateful for your attempt to divert the situation from his father's command to sing.

"I like your cover of I Can't Help Falling in Love. Could you sing that?''

You nod slightly, smiling gently at Ryan. ''Great choice.''

You take a moment to gather your thoughts, and then start to hum to warm up a little. Then, taking a deep breath, you begin to sing the opening notes, your eyes closing for a moment as you surrender to the music.

''Wise men say only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?''

As you begin to sing, both find themselves mesmerized by your voice. Even Homelander, who has heard you countless times before, is once again taken aback by the power and emotion you infuse in your voice. Ryan, seems to forget the situation he's in and the tension in the air. He leans slightly forward, his eyes wide open, listening to your voice filling the room.

''Darling, so it goes. Some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life, too. For I can't help falling in love with you.''

The lyrics of the song seem to echo even more in that room. You're not just singing, you're communicating in the best way you know.

The last few notes of your singing trail off in the air, as the room falls into a moment of reverent silence. Your eyes open, and you look at Ryan, who seems completely enraptured by your voice.

''Wo-hoow! Your voice live is a thousand times more beautiful than on TV.'' the boy lets out a spontaneous and sincere comment, and you find yourself laughing softly, sincerely, this time.

''You're too cute little one, I'm happy you appreciate my version of this song.''

''It's awesome, you're awesome! I'd like to see you live one day, the whole show!''

''Whenever you want kid, I'll get you a VIP pass to have the best seat in the whole stadium.''

''Really?? You're not joking right?''

''Dinner with the celebrity and Meet and Greet included.'' you can't help but gently indulge him, his spontaneity and his desire to escape from routine.

Ryan's eyes light up at the proposition and he felt comfortable continuing the conversation with a genuinely happy expression on his face. It's obvious that this little exchange between you two has lifted his spirits.

Homelander, on the other hand, seems a little taken aback by the interaction. He's not used to see you so... genuine and soft with someone. He claps his hands, disrupting the moment of calm. As if needing to regain some control.

''What a lovely bonding time we had here. You are making me really happy.''

You feel slightly irritated by his sudden interruption. You are still smiling, but now it's a little forced. Your eyes dart towards him, and your expression seems to say "Really? Just when something good was happening, you have to ruin it?"

Nevertheless, your years of experience with the Vought Company and your work as a celebrity have taught you the art of masking your true feelings. So, you don't let your annoyance shine through too much, at least not in front of Ryan.

Homelander, noticing the change in your expression, seems to realize that he might have intervened at the wrong time. He didn't really mean to interrupt the bonding moment between you and Ryan, but rather, he felt a little left out.

As if he wanted to say: "Hey, look at me. I want to be part of this, too."

His sudden intervention seems to be driven more by a need to be acknowledged and included than by a desire to intentionally ruin the situation. Despite the fact that you've been with him for years, and you know he's a narcissistic asshole, the current moment seems to reveal a slightly different aspect of him.

As you notice the hint of vulnerability in Homelander's eyes, your irritation slightly lessens. You know him too well, and you can tell when he's faking his usual arrogant confidence and when he genuinely feels left out.

It's almost comical how someone as powerful and imposing as him can feel left out.

You're trying to maintain your composure, to keep your guard up, but a part of you can't help but find him a bit... cute, in this moment of uncharacteristic vulnerability.

''Don't worry big boy, I have a VIP pass for you too.'' you say laughing, looking at Ryan, as If you're seeking his support after making a little joke at his father.

Ryan can't help but chuckle at your little comment. He looks up at his father, clearly amused to see him taken aback by your joke. Homelander glares at you for a moment, pretending to be annoyed, but there's a twinkle in his eye, as if he secretly enjoys the little banter.

"Yeah, right, very funny... I guess I'll need that front row seat. Like I need your permission to have one.''

''Ooh, someone's getting defensive now, are we?'' you tease.

Ryan laughs even more, enjoying this whole situation. You can tell that the boy has been craving for some lighthearted moments, considering what he's gone through.

"Well, to be fair, it's good to have options, right dad? You can't always rely on your superpowers to grab the best seat."

You and Ryan share a knowing glance, a silent alliance between you.

"Oh, shut it, you two. I'm the one taking care of the both of you, you should be grateful." he says, his tone carrying no real threat.

Slowly the atmosphere becomes pleasant for all three, and so you spend an hour together. The conversation gradually shifts from teasing banter to more casual topics. Homelander eventually starts to relax a bit, his typical guard lowering. Ryan seems to genuinely enjoy the time spent with both of you, and the boy's innocent and endearing presence helps to ease the tension that sometimes exists between you and Homelander.

As the sun begins to set and the shadows grow longer, the day starts to wind down. The room is bathed in the soft, golden light of the evening, creating a cozy atmosphere.

As the evening progresses, you slowly start to realize that you're actually enjoying yourself. Spending time with Ryan, feels strangely...comfortable. Your initial plan of tolerating a child just for Homelander's sake is slowly replaced by the realization that this kid is not so bad after all. You find yourself smiling easily, genuinely enjoying the little exchanges.

The realization is a bit unsettling to you. It's not that you're used to seeing yourself as a particularly warm and compassionate person. You can't help but question your own prejudices and assumptions about yourself. Perhaps, beneath the hardened persona that you've built up over the years, there's a softer side to you that you forgot.

As the last rays of sunlight disappear and the night sky takes over.

''Ryan, you should get some rest. It's late."

''What? Why now? I was showing Ophera my movie collections!'' the boy protests, making you laugh.

''No arguing. Come on, bedtime." Homelander's tone is firm but gentle, and you see Ryan clearly not happy to have to end the fun.

''I'm not a child dad, I mean, I can stay awake more...''

You approach him and put a hand on his back with kindness, then you try to convince him with a more delicate but still original approach.

''Hey Ryan, listen to me, I suppose we're way past your bedtime. And pretty boy need rest to stay pretty. You don't want to wake up tomorrow with dark circles under your eyes, do you?''

"I guess you're right... I don't want to look like a zombie tomorrow." he end the argument with a little joke.

You chuckle with a hint of satisfaction at Ryan's response. Seeing how the boy accepted your words, makes you glad that you didn't have to rely on Homelander's authoritative approach to get him to comply.

''Very well. Now, go and get some beauty sleep.''

He took all of his stuff and then he wave a cute goodbye to you and Homelander before heading off to his room. As the sound of his footsteps slowly fades away, there's a moment of silence between you two.

Time for the showdown.

"Well, isn't this touching. My two favorite people… getting along so well."

You turn to face Homelander, raising an eyebrow at his comment and becoming serious again, like everytimes he try and succeed to manipulate you.

"I'm not doing this for you.''

"Is that so? Funny, I thought you hated children. Yet here you are… playing the role of a loving mother.” he teases.

The moment the word mother leaves his mouth, you can't help but visibly tense up. Your eyes narrow and your jaw clenches, a mix of anger and discomfort showing on your face. Being referred to as a “mother” triggers a deep-seated anxiety within you, stirring up memories and fears that you've worked hard to suppress. The word carries a weight that you don’t want to associate with yourself.

You take a deep breath, trying your best to conceal the inner turmoil that his words have stirred up. It's ironic that he should use that word, given the fact that you, in your mind, you’ve never seen yourself as a motherly type. It feels like a cruel mockery, a reminder of something that you have never been taught and that sadly you will never be able to understand.

''Don't you dare. I know your plan, and no, I'm not going to play the role of a mother for him. Being your partner causes me enough stress.''

He sees the reaction that the word mother elicits from you and he smirks, realizing that he has found a vulnerable spot.

"Don't be so tensed, sweetheart..." he steps closer to you, a hint of mischief in his eyes, enjoying the fact that he's managed to get under your skin.

"You know, Ryan needs a mother figure in his life. Someone who can guide him, care for him. You could be that person. I know you're capable of it, deep down.”

"Oh, spare me the sentimental crap." you snap, your voice filled with irritation and defiance. You know he's trying to manipulate you, to make you feel guilty for not wanting to be what the little boy needs.

"Don't you dare assume you know what I'm capable of. I have my own duties and responsibilities. Being a motherly figure for your kid wasn't part of the deal..."

"You may deny it, but I can see the way you interacted with the boy. You connected with him, in your own unique way. And it would be really cruel from you to deprive him of a mother's love right now that he's bonding with you.''

He's trying to make you feel guilty, and oh God, he's succeeding.

His words touch a nerve, making you inwardly squirm, of anger and guilt inside you. You know he's trying to play on your emotions and make you feel responsible for depriving Ryan of something he needs.

"Besides, think about it as an opportunity," Homelander continues his manipulation, moving even closer to you, his voice becoming softer, his eyes meeting yours.

"The perfect family picture, you and me and Ryan.''

The thought of having a "perfect family picture'' with Homelander and Ryan both disgusts you and scares you, yet a small part of you secretly yearns for the sense of belonging and family that's been missing in your life.

''No, I can't...absolutely not.''

''I know you can be that for him. I saw it with my own eyes. And you're going to be. Or else..." there's a sinister undertone in his chuckle.

''Or else what?'' you answer, facing him, feeling trapped again, without any free will.

''Oh, sweetheart, you don't wanna find out.'' he concluded, slowly crawling with his hand gripping lightly your throat, forcing you to look up at him.

Reminding you once again, that you're the celebrity, but he's the one who directs every show, every chapter of your life.

-------

Thanks again for the request, it was really good to write, hope you like it! Kisses <3

[dstryvampres]

Smoke Signals

Jonathan Crane x Reader

Summary: Dr Crane is tired of you talking back.

Warnings: smut, fingering, age gap(reader is early 20s, crane is mid 40s), power imbalance, brat taming(I think??), reader is a smoker, dub con, p in v, unprotected, praise, degradation, spanking, creampie

Word count: 2.2k

The trek to Dr Crane office on the fifth floor was quick and easy, seeing as there was no one else using the elevator because it was so late at night. When you push open the door to Dr Crane’s office it creaks, alerting him immediately to your presence.

“I thought I told you to quit smoking before you come to my office,” is what Dr Crane decides on greeting you with. His face is stern, pen in hand as he writes out a statement on a student’s quiz.

“Yeah, well I was fiending all day and they don’t let you have a smoke within 15 meters of the psychology testing centre. Hard to get a smoke break in,” You quip back, hanging your tote bag over the back of a chair before sliding between it and Dr Crane’s desk to sit.

“Well, if you won’t quit all together, you could at least have the common courtesy to not reek of it near me,” He scoffs, clicking his pen and setting it down on his desk.

You toy with the fabric of your sheer black tights as Dr Crane sets aside whatever he was working on before and brings out two sheets of paper. Two rubrics, one for him, which he settles in front of him, and one for you, which he flips towards you.

“Do you want anything to drink?” Dr Crane asks, standing up from his desk and heading towards the table near the window. He clicks on the kettle, staring at it for a couple seconds before he starts to hear it bubble up before he turns to you again.

“Just any tea is fine, except ginger, I want something herbal tonight,” you reply, rummaging through your tote bag looking for a pen to use for tonight.

“So herbal tea?” Jonathan asks, shaking his head at you in the corner of your eye.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I said,” you sit up straight once again when you find your pencil case, plopping it down on Dr Crane’s darkwood desk.

You hear a sigh from the professor as he turns around to look out the window at the rain, his fingers toying around with the packaging of a tea bag. No matter if Dr Crane happens to be your boss, you can’t deny that he’s insanely attractive. Young looking face with high cheekbones, blue eyes that stare holes into your being, dark brown hair that he somehow styles perfectly without trying that hard, all packaged in suits that do him far too many favours. Sure he has a slightly bitter attitude, but you’re no better. With all the times you snap back and push his buttons he’s far too patient with you, and seems to genuinely care about your well being. Whether that care is actually genuine or is just to avoid having to find another TA, you’re not one hundred percent sure.

A click comes from the kettle, and soon enough Dr Crane sets down a steaming mug in front of you before sliding into his own chair with a mug in his hand.

“Thank you,” you say, blowing on the steaming liquid in hopes to cool it down quicker.

“Don’t burn yourself.”

Dr Crane grabs his pen before directing both of your attention to the rubric and assignment guide. He drones on about the basics, word count, percentage to dock based off of just principle things, before delving into more important specifics to the assignment. For a supposed research essay, the need to include the students own fears into the mix was a weird choice to be a necessity. There’s no need to ask about it, the conditions for the assignment have already been set in stone, the due date is in about a week.

“Everything making sense?” Dr Crane asks, looking at you, eyebrows furrowed together.

You nod in response, reaching over to grab a highlighter from Dr Crane’s collection across the table. Maybe you should bring up the weird conditions of the assignment…

“Actually, just one thing confuses me about this assignment,” You start, looking for any signs of anger from Dr Crane, knowing just how often you seem to push his buttons before continuing, “why do the students need to disclose their own fears in this assignment, it’s supposed to be a research essay on different ways the brain copes with fear.”

Dr Crane clenches his jaw, looking away from you annoyed. Acting like you were questioning the fundamentals of grammar and not some strange one off point he decided to add to this assignment. He shakes his head, taking off his glasses and laying them down on the table.

“You’re not the one running the class, are you?” Dr Crane asks, voice showing just thin his patience has become in a matter of seconds.

“Well, obviously not, but I’m just-”

You’re cut off with the screeching of Dr Crane’s chair as he stands up, walking towards the door. Fuck, is he going to leave? Is he going to ask you to leave? Are you being fired out of one of the best looking jobs on your resume? When you hear the click of the lock on the door, you’re not sure if your fate is better or worse than any of the options thought of before. Nevertheless, your body tenses up and your head starts to fog up, whatever is going to happen you don’t think it will be too pleasant.

“You know what? I’m so sick of you always thinking you know better than me,” He slowly walks over to you as he speaks, shoes clicking on the linoleum floor of his office.

“I don’t think that,” you respond, voice strained. Now he’s standing over where you’re seated, forcing you to look upwards at him. You feel so small and powerless in this moment. Maybe, it’s only now and here, in this position, that you finally remember that this man holds your entire future as a psychologist in his hands.

“I want you to remember who has more leverage here, who can get you into the best jobs in the state,” it’s like he can read your mind.

You gulp and close your eyes. You’ve spent the last year and three months of your masters degree and time as a TA under Dr Crane pushing back against him, challenging the man. You’re sure that it’s here, in his locked office that he will give you a piece of his mind before dropping you completely. Leaving you and your master’s thesis to flounder in the last half of it, beg for anyone to aid you in the specific thesis everyone knew only Crane was suitable to supervise at this university. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Please, don’t drop me and my thesis. I won’t challenge you ever again, I’ll do anything you want, please,” you beg, opening your eyes to stare at Crane’s. Hoping the eye contact would connect with some deeper part of him, but his blue eyes stared back, cold and emotionless.

“Anything?” Crane asks, quirking an eyebrow at your begging.

“Yes, anything. I’ll get on my knees and beg you, I’ll mark every assignment myself-”

“Face the table and put your hands on top of it,” Crane demands.

“What?” Your mind short circuits at his request, not expecting something like that.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to challenge me ever again?” Dr Crane sighs, crossing his arms, waiting for you to obey.

You follow his request, placing both your hands on the table, looking down at the dark oak wood. It’s cold underneath your palms, but that doesn’t help with the sweat accumulating onto your palms. Dr Crane hums behind you, seemingly happy with your compliance to his request. He kicks your feet away from the desk, making your butt stick out more.

“Now, I want you to spread your legs for me,” Dr Crane puts a hand on your ass, squeezing the flesh. Your eyebrows furrow, taking a second too long for his liking and earning a slap to the ass, you quickly move to spread your legs.

“Good girl,” Dr Crane hums, massaging the spot where he hit you previously. You whine in response, feeling a heat start to grow in your cunt.

Dr Crane smacks your ass again, a little lighter than before, almost teasing. His other hand is placed on your ass, both hands move down to your thighs, then back up to your ass, this time sliding under your skirt and flipping it up. Your pink panties are visible through the sheer black tights causing Dr Crane to sigh out.

“You feel how hard I am, slut?” Dr Crane asks, you hear the smirk in his voice as he presses his hard-on into your ass. You moan, feeling the weight of it press into your wet cunt and soiled panties.

Quickly Dr Crane rips open the thin fabric of your tights, allowing for direct access to your panties and cunt. He feels your wet heat through your panties, quickly moving them to the side to expose your cunt. You moan as the cold air of his office hits your cunt.

“You’re so wet. Do you let all your professors fuck you? Or am I a sort of desprate case?” Dr Crane cooes, ghosting his fingers over your exposed cunt.

He runs his fingers up and down your cunt, collecting your wetness over them before pushing them inside of you. The intrusion is so unexpected it makes you gasp, pull away from it briefly. He fucks you with his fingers shallowly, at a bored pace. You push back onto his fingers, begging for more. Dr Crane removes his finger from your cunt, and you whine in response.

“Fuck, you’re a desperate whore huh?” Dr Crane laughs, giving your ass another harsh slap.

Behind you Dr Crane unzips his pants, freeing his cock. He lines it up with your hole and just stays there. No matter how much you try to push back and whine for him to put it in he isn’t moving.

“You’ve been such a bitch, I don’t think you deserve my cock. Why don’t you beg for it?” you can hear the cocky look on Dr Crane’s face just from his voice. Though it doesn’t seem to matter much as you open your mouth to beg.

“Please Dr Crane, I’ll be such a good girl. You can use me anytime and I’ll never be a bitch again, as long as I have your cock, please doctor please,” you plead, wiggling your hips.

“Good girl.”

Dr Crane pushes inside of you. His cock is average length, but stretches you out in a way no other man ever has. It makes your head spin as he spears you on his cock.

“Fuck, I didn’t expect a whore like you to be so tight,” Dr Crane pants out, putting both of his hands on your waist.

He pulls out of you slowly, before slamming back into your cunt. Setting a brutal pace as soon as he slams back into you a second time. Only faltering when he smacks your ass. You yelp out each time, before pushing back onto his cock. Dr Crane continually stretched you out and hit the most sensitive spots inside of you. Your legs start to shake half way through, the only thing stopping you from crumbling being Dr Crane’s cock and hands. He pushes you back on him each time, almost demanding you take him in further.

“You fuck me so good doctor,” you moan out, “Can I cum doctor?”

“Yeah, cum all over my cock dumb slut,” Dr Crane says, speeding up the pace.

One of his hands reaches down from your hips to your clit, rubbing fast and hard on it. A touch so hard and borderline painful on the sensitive bundle of nerves tips you over the edge in mere seconds. Your knees buckle. Stars flood your vision. Your boss fucking you through the whole thing.

You start to weep from overstimulation, tears welling in your eyes when you come back from your high. Dr Crane is still fucking you in the same brutal pace.

“Sluts like you don’t get breaks until I come too,” Dr Crane snarls out at you and your weeping, earning another sharp smack to your ass.

The tears spill out over your eyes as you cum again all over his cock. Your walls clenching and seizing around Dr Crane so hard his cock becomes painful as it pumps in and out of you.

He speeds up and his pace starts to become more aggressive, until Dr Crane stills inside of you. His cum rushes into your cunt, holding himself inside you after both of you have finally come down from your high. Once Dr Crane pulls out of you, you feel as his cum comes spilling out of your cunt.

“I’ll give you your share of the papers to mark next monday,” Dr Crane says, tucking his cock away and zipping up his pants. “I expect to not hear any confusion about the grading from you, I feel like I explained myself pretty well.

taglist: @paradiseprincesss @xanaxiii @luluartpop

[llxferim]

a/n: STOP WHOLE 15 ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS LIKED MY POST AND 1 EVEN REBLOGGED IT GDHSG THANK YOUU!?? umm alsoo I meant to post this yesterday but I debated on it cuz it's so small😭 I do have my requests open, I write for anyone as long as I have watched the show so just send in the requests and I’ll tell you if I write for them! (gonna have to do this before I have the time to write down every single character that I write for 😭)

pairings: Klaus Hargreeves x reader

Summary: you have to meet up with Five and Diego but Klaus won’t let you go without a kiss (or a few).

genre: fluff

Warnings: explicit language, idk its fluff man

Word Count: 553 (ik ik its small)

You and the Umbrellas just got your ass handed to you by the sparrows, so you were in some random park rethinking your life choices. Your head rested on Klaus’s shoulder while Five walked back and forth, lost in thought.

“I can’t believe Dad replaced us in this timeline,” Luther said, slumping on the bench.“is it that hard to believe it, Luther?” Five shot back with his usual sarcastic tone. “What are we going to do now?” you asked softly, tracing your finger along Klaus’s hand.

Allison let out a sigh, crossing her arms “Well we definitely can’t sit in the middle of this park, bleeding out”

“I don’t know, but we’d better gear up fast before they come for round two,” Diego began, but you interrupted before he could spiral into his usual rant. “Calm down, Batman. We need to find a place to stay first.”

“Let’s think of someplace off the radar,” Five suggested, stepping forward. “Yeah? What kind of weird place are we not going to draw attention to?” Diego challenged.

“Well,” Klaus suddenly sprang up, startling you. “Actually, I might know a place.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Five sighed and then turned to you as Klaus plopped back down. “You, Diego, and I are going to go gear up while Klaus takes the rest of them to this ‘place.’ Sound good?” The group agreed without much debate, exhaustion rendering them too tired to argue.

***

As Five and Diego went off to grab some food—courtesy of Diego’s relentless nagging—Allison headed out to find a phone to call Claire, with Viktor. That left you, Klaus, and Luther behind in the park.

You stood up from the bench. “Five will murder me if I don’t catch up with them. I’m off,” you groaned.

You leaned in and gave Klaus a quick kiss. Just as you were about to pull away, he gently tugged you back. “One more?” he asked, his face sporting a smug grin. You giggled and leaned in for another kiss, expecting to break away, but Klaus kept you close. “Again?” he said, still with that mischievous smile.

You rolled your eyes but found yourself unable to resist his charm. He began planting a series of quick, playful kisses on you. “I” kiss “have” kiss “to” kiss “go” kiss.

Finally, Klaus pulled back, and Luther made a dramatic gagging noise, turning away. “I think I’m going to puke,” he said, clearly unimpressed. “One more and I’ll leave you alone,” Klaus insisted, his eyes now large and pleading.

“Seriously, Klaus—” you started, but he cut you off “Just one more,” he begged, giving you his best puppy eyes.

You sighed, feeling a mix of exasperation and affection. “Fine, but make it quick. I don’t want to hear Five's nonsense anymore than I have to.” As you gave in, Klaus kissed you again, but this time it was longer and deeper, a more heartfelt connection that lingered far beyond the playful exchanges before.

When he finally pulled away, you were breathless, the intensity of the kiss leaving you slightly disoriented. Klaus looked at you with a satisfied grin, and Luther cleared his throat, visibly uncomfortable.

“Alright, enough of this,” he protested, “any more and i will actually throw up on you both”

Klaus reluctantly lets you go, and you hurry off.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 成化十四年/The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty

(The) Sleuth of (the) Ming Dynasty (it's hard to get an agreement on how many definite articles should go where) is a beautiful, high-budget 2020 drama about a weenie genius detective, his long-suffering and deeply traumatized sugar daddy, and the eunuch with the most difficult job in the Great Ming: keeping these two dumbasses from getting their fool selves imperially executed.

Depending on how you like it, it's either an OT3 or an OTP with an intense, underage third wheel, and either way, it's delightful. I wouldn't call it a comedy, but it has very many funny elements that keep the drama fun and engaging. The first half is full of shorter mysteries that are clever and thoughtfully plotted, and the second half goes in on the longer mystery that ties them all together.

I've already done my quick guide to the early-episode characters, if you want a taste of just how many people are running around and how wonderful they all are. But in case you want to know a little bit more before you commit yourself to a 48-episode series, here's five reasons I think you should watch it!

1. The whole thing smacks of gender

Yeah, this was originally going to be selling point #2, but I know what the people want.

This is not a show about gender. But boy it is a show that has a lot to say about gender, and not just by way of critiquing premodern Chinese gender roles (though it does do that!). Many of the cis characters are either a) somewhat gender nonconforming, b) canny enough to weaponize binary gender expectations, or c) both. Sui Zhou's entire third-act storyline is about how expectations of masculinity exacerbate PTSD in veterans. Three different AFAB characters either dress or live as men. The part where one of the male characters goes undercover in drag is played for laughs, but the joke isn't 'ha ha, a boy in a dress,' it's 'ha ha, this particular boy in a particular dress, and also he's terrible at it.'

And that's even before we get to the eunuchs.

There are several professionally dickless, permanently unmanned characters running around. One-third of the OT3 canonically had his external genitalia nonconsensually removed when he was five years old, and because of this, he has been given unimaginable authority. He's basically the second most powerful man in the entire empire, and he only gets that way by being unquestionably, ostentatiously, and genuinely submissive to the first most powerful man.

I have seen other Chinese media where eunuchs are treated like sinister clowns, good only to be the bad guys and the butts of jokes. Sleuth's main eunuchs are real and complex characters, and because of this, the show gets to explore what it is to live in this weird third-gender category of incredible power and powerlessness.

Now, don't go into this expecting woke gender treatises. Wang Zhi's never going to sit down and go, "You know, my friend and fellow eunuch Ding Rong, because of my lack of a penis, I understand my relationship to masculinity differently than other men do." But the show understands that even if he doesn't say it, it's true. And that makes a lot of the characters and their relationships just so much more interesting.

2. Uncle Jackie Money

Sleuth was the was the fourth c-drama I dove into, following the Untamed, Word of Honor, and Guardian -- or, Some Money BL, Less Money BL, and No Money BL. So imagine my absolute wall-eyed shock to find this was All The Money BL, courtesy of its executive producer, Jackie Chan (seen here with some of his handsome boys):

Sleuth looks good. The costumes are amazing. The sets are stunning. The cinematography is beautiful. Everything is so detailed, and while I can't speak to the absolute historical accuracy of all those details (see point 3), they're still gorgeous. In fact, you know what? I'm going to shut up and show you some of the promotional images.

(For actual screenshots, I'm just going to point you at @rongzhi's tsomd photoset tag, as they have done a tremendous service to the fan community -- though do beware of spoilers.)

Uncle Jackie's influence doesn't end with the money, though. Even though things get a bit goofy and wirework-y near the end, most of the drama's fights are shows of real martial arts skill. You can see his fingerprints on a lot of the choreography -- I'm thinking particularly of the time Tang Fan tries (and fails!) to stab Sui Zhou three times, which is pure Jackie Chan high-speed dexterity.

Add this one to the category of shows your Average American Television Enjoyer Who Can Handle Subtitles would like. In fact, I have shown the first episode to my normie father-in-law, who was impressed. Show it to your dad! See if he picks up on the gay!

3. I am from ... HISTORY!

The Chinese title translates to "The 14th Year of Chenghua," which works out to the year 1478. There are some clear anachronisms, but they tend to be played for comedy, so it's hard to hold that against them. On the whole, though, the show is trying real hard to evoke a very specific moment, and I feel it does so beautifully.

This does, however, mean that several of the characters are real people. I don't even have a good sense of how many of them are based on historical figures, that's how many. Hilariously, Wang Zhi's tag on AO3 used to read "Wang Zhi (?-1487 CE)."

Moreover, these are characters I've seen pop up in other media, played very differently! In particular, Noble Consort (up there in blue) tends to be written as an uncomplicated villain elsewhere, whereas Sleuth gives her a chance to add some goodness to her badness, until, damn, you can't but root for the bitch. (It also downplays the cradle-robbing, which, honestly, is for the best.)

You may have guessed from the eunuch section earlier, but it bears repeating: Wang Zhi is straight-up the best character in the show. He's smart as hell, and he has to be, because the second he's stupid, he's dead. I actually consider it helpful to know ahead of time that he's never going to do a heel turn -- I feel like on my first watchthrough, I was holding my breath for the first two-thirds of the show, waiting for his sudden but inevitable betrayal. It does not come. Wang Zhi is one of the heroes.

He's also, like, evil. He orders people flogged, tortured, and executed. The very first thing you see him doing is sinister as hell. And the show clearly doesn't think this is good, but it also doesn't judge him for it. He's a traumatized seventeen-year-old who has not had a normal moment of his entire life. He's working thanklessly for a boss who could kill him on a whim -- and he's doing it because he literally, physically was made for his job. He's mildly freaking out because he has no emotional grounding to help him understand that these weirdos want to be his friends.

Was the real Wang Zhi like this? That's beside the point. The point is, you get to see how someone in that position could wind up as the war-crimes-committing platonic ideal of a little meow meow.

4. oh my god the food

Warning: This show will make you hungry.

Again, beware of spoilers, but @peppersandcreamsicle and @qinzai have put together an entire cook-along Google Doc so you don't just have to drool -- you can do something about it! Or you can just read it and learn about Chinese cuisine, which is a little more my speed.

But it's not just about how good the food looks. Food is a vital emotional part of the series. People bond over it. They make and share it as a sign of love and care. It indicates status, ethnicity, interest, personality. The show's message about the healing power of cooking for the people you love will bring you to tears.

And yes, Sui Zhou is the main one doing the cooking, so get ready to drool over both the dishes and the handsome man preparing them.

Oh, and as though that weren't enough, Fu Meng Po can actually cook in real life. He's so dreamy. Absolute unreal handsome man with a devastatingly sexy voice. (I know my opinion might be different if I could hear his Taiwanese accent, but I can't so it's not!)

5. An Unsunk Ship

So like I said, my intros to c-drama couples had been WangXian, WenZhou, and WeiLan. That meant I'd basically come to terms with the idea that you can't have a main couple in a BL-but-not-really drama without splitting them up at least a little in the end, for no-homo plausible deniability reasons.

Tang Fan and Sui Zhou are still definitvely, unequivocally together when the story ends, as the iconic pentultimate scene of the series confirms with beauty and simplicity. I refuse to give any more details than that, but that ship's afloat.

(These shirtless pictures aren't from the end, but I wanted to include them, and I didn't have a better place to do it. ...Also, you know, ships and water? Yeah?)

And I think their winding up together reflects Sleuth's entire attitude. Tang Fan is made of sunshine, and the series loves him for it. There is tragedy aplenty in this show, but there's no misery. It is ultimately a hopeful show that believes in the power of second chances, if you're willing to take them. Time and again, the moral of the story is that you are only ever as good as the people who have your back -- but you have to be willing to let them have your back. Let people help you. Let people cook for you. Let people give you a reason to keep living. And then keep living.

Also, Sui Zhou gets two good kabedons off on that little twink, which means they're legally married now. I don't make the rules.

Bonus: Banger opening theme

This is one you will watch all 48 times.

Bonus #2: The Halo Video

This is the video that made me go, huh, these Sleuth boys seem like other boys I've enjoyed! Perhaps I shall enjoy them as well! And then I did. So if that might be convincing to you too, well, have at it. Even if it isn't, it's a fascinating three-minute study of shared those-boys-are-in-love visual language across these shows.

Fair warning that it contains shots from right up to the end, so if you'd rather go in completely blank, give this one a pass until later. (Excuse me while I now go watch it for the 10000th time.)

Have I convinced you to watch it yet?

It originally ran on iQiyi, though Viki's got it as well, and Viki's is free if you're willing to put up with some ads about it.

...I just noticed iQiyi's description of the series reads, "When the two handsome leading actors Darren Wang and Fu Meng-Po work together, what will happen? A lovely prefectural judge and an arrogant embroiered [sic] uniform guard join hands to crack unusual cases! Are you going to choose a new idol?" And you know what? Yes. The details are a little off, but that is the correct spirit. Thank you, thirsty blurb.

[avelera]

Gif courtesy of @apaethy

I just finished re-watching the first season of Interview with the Vampire because in light of what's going on as of 2.6 of S2, I felt I needed to, because this moment above is driving me crazy.

Why is Armand staring straight at Daniel during Louis' declaration? And why is it that, to me, he almost seems to plead with his eyes for Daniel to get him away from Louis?

My thoughts on the matter:

Doylist reasons (aka, out of universe, production, practical reasons): this is a big reveal that "Rashid" is actually Armand. It makes sense, from that angle, as an acting choice that Armand-no-longer-Rashid would look straight at the camera so we could get a good look at him.

Thing is, it's certainly a choice.

Because I would argue the more logical choice when having one character declare the other is the love of their life is for those characters to look at each other. Even a passing glance, a faint smile, a little bit of heart eyes.

Louis just gave a pretty romantic declaration. Actually, even more haunting as of 2.6, Louis just said out loud that he loves Armand in this straightforward, unambiguous, but frighteningly passive way that he refused to do back in Paris, what Madeleine had to cajole him into saying. Now Louis drops the L word all casual, almost as a challenge, right in Daniel's face??

Daniel Molloy voice: Nuh uh, I don't buy it, not for a second.

Ok, let's get into a meta reason this is a really freakin' weird moment and scene that they chose to use as the final note of Season 1, and therefore I think it's meant to be important and, as of Season 2, I think we're seeing the crux of why it's the end of one season and the set up of the next.

Metatextual reason: Armand is not the fucking love of Louis's life in the books. He's barely a footnote, unless that footnote is labeled, "THE VAMPIRE WHO KILLED CLAUDIA". Louis and Armand's relationship, such as it was, soured immediately after her death. They didn't stick together for decades, from the text they barely stuck together a few years after that. Armand wasn't at the Interview with Daniel (but he did pick up Daniel later, when kidnapping him when Daniel went to investigate Lestat's house and look for evidence to corroborate Louis' story).

So as a book fan, I sat up in my chair and audibly shouted, "What the fuck?" at that line. Because as I'm sure anyone who has read this far knows by now, in the books Louis is not the love of Armand's life.

Daniel is the love of Armand's life.

Daniel is Armand's only fledgling, ever.

So not only is there a weird declarative quality to the almost nonsensical (to book readers) statement that Armand is the love of Louis's life-- I don't know how else to explain it except it's like having a revival of Romeo and Juliet where they didn't die and Romeo's early girlfriend Rosaline show up to say that Romeo is the love of her life in Juliet's face. Do you see what I mean? Daniel/Armand is Romeo and Juliet, Louis the temporary fling. Having Rosaline tell Juliet that Romeo is her love would give a similar level of dissonance as I got hearing Louis/Armand was a thing over and above Daniel/Armand.

So to go back to Armand's creepy eye contact here (as if he has any other kind).

Watsonian Reason (aka, in-universe, what the story is going for): We are setting up the plot that becomes much more apparent in S2: Daniel was invited to Dubai to be the wrecking ball in Louis/Armand's relationship.

Which means the big canon divergence moments from the book are:

1. Louis and Armand didn't break up right after Paris, but stayed a couple for several decades longer.

2. Regardless of whether or not the Devil's Minion happened already (or if it's going to happen later in this story), Armand didn't turn Daniel into a vampire soon after meeting him a few years post-Interview with the Vampire. That event got pushed back.

My money is on Armand and Daniel had their fling but Armand refused to turn him. It's a fairly logical canon divergence beat because Armand didn't want to turn Daniel in the books either so in this universe, he just actually followed through and did the responsible thing.

But, I think Armand pined. And pined. And pined.

Whether or not Armand is Alice turning down Daniel's proposal (I at this point disagree with the theory) or if he was just stalking Daniel closely enough to read Alice's thoughts in that moment, he clearly has been keeping tabs on Daniel.

In my opinion, Armand is finally done with the relationship with Louis.

The interview is meant to passively accomplish these things:

Remind Louis how much he loves Lestat.

Remind Louis how much he loves Claudia and by extension if/when it "slips out" just how culpable Armand actually was (as the mastermind, not a bystander) for her death, it will give Louis the impetus to finally leave.

Bring Daniel back into their life. Because whether or not he'll admit it to himself, Armand has been pining for him over Louis for a while now.

I've kind of already explored this in another post but the more I watch of S2 and re-watch of S1, the more certain I am that this is Armand's actual goal. The pining looks he keeps shooting Daniel's way, the way Daniel seems to lose his train of thought whenever he looks at Armand, the palpable tension between them...

Basically, Romeo and Juliet are getting back together soon. We just need to get Rosaline out of the picture first, and that's why Romeo is having an interview that digs up what a shitty boyfriend he was to Rosaline so that Rosaline will break up with him first so he can get back with Juliet.

[xxstraymoonchildxx]

This Couple is Unusual

Prev. / Next

Chapter 2 This Couple, investigating

cw: bad humor, graphic description of a corpse in the second half

You didn’t know who looked more perplexed. Satan or the, admittedly handsome stranger with the pitch-back hair.  They still stared at each other, both bent down to touch the felines, it was almost comical. Slowly they stood up, both with a kitten in hand. Satan cleared his throat. The other person did the same. They eyed each other for a long moment, the felines meowing and tugging at their dress pants begging for attention. It reminded you of Mammon and Asmo.

“I did not expect to run into another person with a love for cats,” the stranger said while bowling politely with a practiced smile on his lips.

“Likewise. Well, there is much to appreciate about them obviously.”

You weren't sure but it looked like they were bonding telepathically. 

/Is this the beginning of a new romance?/

Whatever it was that was happening in this non-verbal dialogue, it was cut short quickly.

"Sebastian, what are you doing?!”

A small person a few feet away appeared out of nowhere, a scowl on his young face. He couldn't be much older than twelve or thirteen. It was obvious that he tried to appear more mature from his fashion choice - a top hat and high-heeled shoes and in his hand a walking cane like the other gentlemen walking around the area. 

He clicked his tongue, watching the cats with disdain. The blue shade and style of his hair reminded you of Belphegor’s and he had the youngest sibling-energy around him to match; now you couldn't unsee it (It would be funny if he had a twin). 

“Please excuse me, it was my pleasure, Sir. Farewell.”

“I apologize for the wait, young master.”

“Tch, let's hurry already.”

“That was weird. But they kinda remind me of some people I know,” you deadpanned, watching the duo with the interesting dynamic leave until they vanished between buildings. 

Satan checked into the hotel. Not that you weren’t capable of doing it yourself but you had to follow the customs in this era whether you liked it or not.

It did come with a bonus. Satan was in uncharacteristically high spirits from the moment you stepped into the hotel room together. Unbeknownst to you he was happy that he could spend this and the coming nights with you, in the same bed, without having to worry that one of his brothers would barge in, demanding time with you - and way too kind you, usually folding. 

You readied yourself for bed, longing to sink into the mattress from this exciting day but first you had to shower -  technically you’d have to do with a sponge bath but luckily you were a sorceress and had the right spells on hand to do the trick, courtesy of Asmodeus. Satan helped you with your dress, opening the back for you. The outer material pooled at your feet. “This dress sure has many layers,” you couldn't help but complain as you stepped over the striped dress, untying the padded bustle from around your hip, shaking off the thin petticoat and the corset cover. Satan watched you twiddling with the lacing of your corset while walking into the bathroom. He respectfully looked away, pulling out his nightwear, a dark blue pajama.

In the modest bathroom, you dropped the rest of your undergarments “Spirit of water and wind, I, the sorcerer y/n command thou to clean and dry my earthly vessel.” 

After everything was done, you changed into a simple tank top and a pair of satin shorts and handed the bathroom over to Satan, who joined you in bed fifteen minutes later. 

There the two of you lay, snuggled up together with you tucked under his arm and him with a book in hand for you to read.

Wasn't all this wonderfully domestic?

The next day 

Bold letters hung above the entrance door, spelling the word “Undertaker” and a skull on top of the sign.

You decided to visit him after getting an approval letter from Scotland Yard. The wine did wonders! Anyway, the funeral parlor looked very interesting from the outside! On the right two anthracite coffins and three sotoba - you had to ask Satan what those even were - were leaning against the brick wall. On the left were two tombstones and a flag leaning against one of them. The cobwebs were a nice detail, too. /Guess you need to stand out from the competition/

A little bell jingled when you stepped inside. It was dark and it took a moment for your eyes to adjust. The candle chandelier didn't do much to illuminate the place. Satan didn't have this problem, his bluish-green eyes observing the unfamiliar room.

Coffins were standing around, even the counter was a massive exemplar. Large shelves with various bottles and jars containing questionable items crosses on the wall, skulls, and a human skeleton in the back. The place had cobwebs inside and out and needed a good dusting. 

Not that he was any better with his room back in the House of Lamentation but at least it was squeaky clean.

“Hehehe”

The coffin on your left suddenly squeaked open. A set of dark long nails tapped the wood, pushing the lid to the side. 

“What a nice surprise, customers in the making!” the man said in a squeaky voice, giggling like a madman. An interesting entrance for sure. As unique as the person itself. A crooked top hat sat on top of long silver hair, the bangs hid his eyes, leaving only the lower part visible which displayed a wide, crazed smile and a prominent scar running from his cheeks up and over his nose. 

With swift steps he glided over the floor, stopping himself just right in front of Satan, leaning in. “What brings you to me, care for a test lay in one of my first-rate coffins? We have a pair, brand new~ Care for a fitting?” Irritation oozed from the blond, so you decided to step in. “Excuse us, Mister...eh” His head snapped towards you, still grinning “Undertaker~”

“Yeah, I can see that?”

“Hehe, no, that's my name,” he slyly boobed your nose with his long index finger or rather his nail. Asmo would love to paint them. 

“Oh, like a pseudonym for an artist. Noted.”

Undertaker twirled around, the long black coat fluttered along with his movement and the mourning lockets around his waist clicked together. “Artist! Oh my, how flattering! It sure is, preparing my guests for their most important day.”

“So?” the funeral director drawled out, propping himself up against the counter and crossing his legs. (You noticed the slight shift in his demeanor, planting the thought inside your head that he looked kind of cool when he didn’t act like a weirdo). Satan cleared his throat “My name is Holmes and this is my wife. We are journalists from America and have permission to write about the Whitechapel murders in all their detail. We were informed you are in charge to autopsied the victims”

His wife. You blushed. 

You did talk about playing a married couple while undercover but hearing the term from his mouth and addressing you made your head all fuzzy while Satan felt pride swelling in his chest that rivaled Lucifer's. 

Undertaker hummed like he already knew about you. “It will cost you,” he grinned.

“How much?” Satan was ready to pick out his wallet but Undertaker beat him to it. In the blink of an eye, he dashed forward, halting close to Satan’s face. “I don’t desire the queen’s coins. What I want is…” 

A dramatic pause.

“...a Joke. Make me laugh~”

/This human is unreal-/ Satan’s left eye twitched. 

“Well, they do say ‘A kingdom for a joke’” you chirped in while Satan gave you a side eye. Undertaker giggled excitedly, plopping down on one of the coffins. You raised your hand as if in class. “Let me try!”

You took a moment to ponder over your options, searching for a joke that wasn’t too modern. 

“A man and his son are driving past a graveyard. Suddenly the son leans forward asking “Do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”

Surprised the father said “Of course not! Why ask such a question?” His son replied “Well, I read a gravestone that said “Here lies a lawyer and an honest man”

Silence. Satan sweatdropped. 

You were worried for a moment, thinking /Maybe I should have told the orphan/ graveyard joke/

“BWAHAHAHA”

To your surprise, the silver-haired director threw his body back, maniacal laughter blasting through the building. He held his belly, kicking his feet like a child. He laughed for two minutes straight, without taking a breather until he finally calmed down, sitting himself up properly and rubbing his eyes with the long sleeves of his coat. 

“Wonderful,” he quaked “Consider the payment done. My newest guest just arrived today and I was about to start the autopsy before you came in” 

Undertaker hopped down from his coffin and with the movement of his finger, he ordered you silently to follow him down the stairs.  

A disgusting smell of blood, disinfectants, and death hung in the cold air and instantly hit your nose. It smelled disgusting and you were glad you skipped breakfast this morning. Satan was less affected, the lucky demon! The reason for the stink was lying on two metal tables each, partly covered by an old linen cloth. Elizabeth Stride and Catherine Eddowes were the recent victims of Jack the Ripper as the silver-haired man informed the two of you. 

“I must warn you, this is not for the faint heart” Undertaker warned but nevertheless guided you towards Eddowes, carefully petting her hair peaking out from under the fabric “This one was not as lucky as her friend over there” 

“How so?” Satan asked, confused as both women were dead after all. 

With a knowing smile, Undertaker pulled away the cloth over Catherine's body, showing you all the gruesome work of her murderer. Thank whatever deity that you skipped the breakfast. The intestines had been stuffed back messily into her body, perhaps for the transportation of the corpse, and her throat had been slashed open. Her eyes were wide open from horror, having faced the killer just upon her death and mutilated nearly into unrecognition. 

“The killer slashed both victim's throats first, but this one was mangled much worse,” Undertaker explained, amused by your ever-changing facial reactions to the unsightly sight. “The killer was perhaps disturbed and searched for the next victim, finishing their work on dear Catherine here~ She was found with her intestines hanged over her shoulder, so they could reach for something else” He pointed towards her uterus, or rather where it should have been “My guest isn’t a whole woman anymore to add to the insult of dying in their own puddle of blood. The left kidney is missing as well, a minor detail but might be important as well.”     

/This is disgusting af/ you tried to stop breathing the foul odor in, holding a tissue to your nose. How Satan, who was deep in thought, was able to handle it was beyond you. “The kidney taken could mean the killer was involved with organ trafficking but the uterus? Very unusual…” He said it more to himself than anyone. “But the unsub very likely has experience in the medical field. They must be right-handed judging by their slashing movement”

“You refer to the killer as ‘they’, Mr. Undertaker,” you chimed in “The Yard and the public usually address Jack the Ripper with a male pronoun. Do you think the culprit could be a woman?”

The mortician hummed “That is a possibility yes, although they prefer poison, well, judging by my usual patronage.” 

“Nevertheless, the unsub most likely has personal feelings towards prostitutes in general. The victims have done something to anger the killer, the uterus and kidney are most likely some sort of trophy, usual for serial killers. As you said, the uterus is exclusively female and the kidney has significance in several cultures. In Egypt, for example, they were left in mummies because they connected the kidney with judgment and moral decisions. In Hebrew, it was understood as the seat of emotion together with the heart and bowl. And during medieval times they were regarded as the seat of our conscience. Fascinating.”

/Satan - Google, who?/

Undertaker regarded the blond with a cheeky smile “You sure are a smart one, Mr. Holmes. Interesting deduction.” 

You beamed, proud of your husband. If Undertaker looked closely, he could see the hearts floating above your head. 

“We thank you for your time, Mr. Undertaker” You curtsied politely, glad you finally left the mortuary, which bad smell hopefully didn’t stick onto your clothes and hair. “It was my pleasure. I hope you’ll tell me another joke one day.”

Satan deadpanned (He loved you, but those dad jokes…)

“Oh, I have one for free. Wanna hear?”

“What do you call it when an orphan visits a graveyard?” 

“Oh, please tell me~”

“A family reunion” 

Silence. 

/Too offensive?/

A chime of a little bell forced all of your attention to the entrance door. The young boy from the day before stepped inside forcefully, the man dressed in black from head to toe by his side. “Are you here, Undertaker!?”

You were not sure that the funeral director started to roar with laughter just because of your joke.

What an unusual man, that Undertaker.

Sorry for the long wait. Hope you like it.

[delopsia]

tell us about your new rare pair pls 👁️👁️ also how are you??? I’ve been away a lot lately (life ya know 🙄) but things are finally getting less busy!

I'm glad things are calming down for you! ^w^ I was heavily debating on whether or not I'd share them because I don't have any plans to write a proper fic for it, but 👁️👁️you have me convinced to share.

It's Miles x Reader x Harrison 💐

They've been in my head for days now 💕 it doesn't make any sense at first glance, but they balance each other out in a weird sort of way. The introvert and the extrovert, Harrison brings Miles out of his shell, but he isn't pushy about it.

Your first meeting is...less than graceful. The booking system failed at the hotel you were staying at, and double booked several rooms, including your room. By the time you'd stumbled through the front doors, half awake and achy from sitting still for so long, every single room in the hotel was occupied.

"That's okay, I'll..." Your eyes dart to the corner of the room, away from the doe-eyed man behind the counter. "I'll find another place to stay."

"Good luck with that," the unnamed man sitting in a lounge chair waves his phone in the air, "the whole city is booked. Something 'bout a football game."

You sit on a white couch for over an hour, scrolling through sold-out hotels, before the receptionist finds it in him to speak up, meekly offering a temporary solution.

It takes even longer for you to learn that his name is Miles.

There was a room in the back corner of the building that was closed due to a non-functional air conditioning unit and a shredded carpet, courtesy of a guest Miles didn't seem too eager to talk about. What he did explain was how he had been living out of the room for a few weeks now and that he'd be more than content to share it until more rooms opened up.

Not ideal, but there were two beds, Harrison seemed harmless enough, and Miles was small enough to fit onto the frail couch. Between this and sleeping in the back of a tiny rental car, you didn't have much of a choice.

Nobody really spoke until after Harrison rounded the corner and accidentally nailed Miles with a surfboard, hadn't seen him standing there until it was too late. Something about the rush to make sure he was okay got you three to start talking. Migrating from if Miles felt okay, to where the surfboard came from, to everything under the sun.

You got your rooms two nights later, but it hardly mattered. You were in Harrison's room; he and Miles were in yours. There was always something to talk about, and right when you thought it got too quiet, someone's mouth would open with another thing.

Your schedules were booked, but you had a cancellation on the same day that Miles had the day off, and Harrison was just so good at convincing you two to visit the beach with him.

Nobody could stray too far from shore because Miles couldn't swim to save his life, but it was a fun way to spend the afternoon. Harrison and his gently worded guidance, sitting you two up on the boards and doing exactly what he promised to. Miles found a way to make up for his shortcomings by challenging you two to finding the biggest seashell, and right when you thought the fun was over, Miles had another idea.

Harrison's hair was still damp when he hit the ice that first time, falling on his ass and nearly taking Miles with him in the process. But where Harrison dominates in the water, Miles does on ice. You'd thought he was joking when he said he played hockey in high school, but there's an underlying competitiveness glinting in his eyes that suggests he was entirely serious.

Even when your trips come to an end, and you're forced to go on your separate ways, it's hard to lose contact with them. They both live a few hours away from you, even further from each other, but it makes you and your home a nice middle ground. The place where they come to spend the occasional weekend with you, where almost all of your early memories together are located.

Miles is, strangely, the one who pushes the relationship from just friends to something exclusive, very nearly combusting from the effort to keep his feelings to himself. He's bold in the most unlikely of spaces, and Harrison does nothing but intensify that.

It's what you've taken to calling the Harrison effect. He just kind of...does that, whether it be intentionally or unintentionally, nudging you out of your shells in a gentle sort of fashion. Never pushy or demanding. Doesn't fault you if you choose to remain closed up.

He's so sweet with you two. Speaks for Miles when he's too shy to do it himself, takes over when you and Miles start bickering about who has to talk to the delivery guy. He teaches you how to rely on someone, teaches Miles to swim, and makes the best damn mixtapes for every little occasion. Birthdays, date nights, anniversaries, milestones, just because.

Miles is something a little more subtle. He's not good with his words, but he's fiercely protective in a way that makes Harrison look like a big teddy bear. He can make a day of cleaning feel like a date night. Always seems to find a way to make you enjoy yourself, even if that's when you're stuck in rush-hour traffic on your way to Harrisons. And if that doesn't work, there are very few things that kisses and snuggles can't soothe or fix altogether.

They're such an odd little pairing, two pieces of the puzzle who, when paired with you, fit together without flaw. Or maybe that's just me 🤷‍♀️

[ryuichirou]

Replies

More replies! Related to our posts from yesterday + a couple of JadeSil ones from a while ago.

Anonymous asked:

I guess Sebek will be annoyed on waking up in the morning with Silver only to realized animals are around.

lol yeah, imagine falling asleep with Silver and waking up to that one scene from Bambi where all the animals greet the new prince. Things Sebek has to get used to….

hipsterteller asked:

Welp at least they didn’t find a skeleton

You mean… under the birdies?! Spooky..!

Anonymous asked:

Poor Jamil can't catch a break even at clubs.. (he secretly loves it, don't tell anyone lol he's shy)

- basketball poly asker

(this is related to a reply from yesterday)

Yeeeah, it’s probably better for Jamil when he gets pestered by these boys: this way he gets to have some action but also don’t proactively seek it out lol But of course the thought itself would never occur to Jamil! It’s all his subconscious mind.

Anonymous asked:

Hehe...imagine Azul seeing Jamil and Ace together. Another jealously alert. Even better, Jamil, Ace, and Floyd together.

Azul would get jealous with anyone who gets close to Jamil probably lol So with Ace it would be the same scenario as it is with Ruggie: he’s confused about Jamil’s choice and tries to win him over.

And with Floyd, well, Azul would just have to shut up and be patient and hope that Floyd gets bored of Jamil… because if he tells Floyd to stop, Floyd is just going to cling to Jamil even more :(

Anonymous asked:

Hi! I’m that JadeSil shipper from that one ask, is it okay if you can give some hcs on how would Silver’s first time would go if it was with Jade?

+

Anonymous asked:

I have Jade/Sil brainrot after seeing some other people talk about it…(and totally not because I am dirty minded)

What if one day Silver was eating Mushroom Risotto but it had a “special” mushroom (courtesy of Jade)  which had an aphrodisiac-like effect. Silver eventually asks Jade for help on why he feels so weird…and you can imagine how the rest goes

Sorry it took me so long to reply, Anon! Or are you two different Anons..? In any case, I’m sorry for taking so much time and for not giving a satisfying answer: since these two aren’t a ship we’re very invested in, even though we like it in theory, I won’t come up with any headcanons, but I’ll share my thoughts…. Because when I started to think about their first time, the setup I came up with was pretty much the same as what was mentioned in this second ask lol

Since the main theme/motif of their relationship that I always think about is mushrooms, I think the whole thing will start with Jade’s fascination with Silver’s appetite for mushrooms and his appreciation of them. And for a very long time, he would simply feed him without adding anything suspicious to it, but then he’ll notice just how good Silver is at describing the differences between different kinds of mushrooms Jade uses for the risotto. So of course he’s going to be tempted to feed him a “special mushroom”…

Poor Silver would be so conflicted. He never expected to get poisoned, and Jade seems deeply concerned as well… but is he really?  And would Jade really make such a mistake?

So yeah, long story short, Silver’s instinct would probably be to try to get back to his room and hide there until he gets better, but the poison is too strong, and with all his actions and words being just a big blur, he’ll end up having sex with Jade.

Jade is going to be surprised y Silver though, because while he knows that a lot of what’s going on is due to aphrodisiac (that was the whole idea), some of the things just seemed way too “natural”: Silver’s body is clearly used to having intense and lengthy sex, his movements are very intentional and he even has some noticeable preferences. Silver wouldn’t say a word during their first time (he just couldn’t articulate – he was too aroused), but his body language spoke volumes. Jade would probably be quite intrigued by him…

(whoops I guess I wrote it in a way that it isn't Silver's first time, I just noticed that...sorry!!)

[iamthecomet]

Merry Christmas! Perhaps consider this little blurb to be an impromptu Christmas present? (I really hope you like it 😭) (heed this warning, there is slight mentions to BDSM, but nothing explicitly described as well as the word mommy used to describe Cumulus and baby boy to describe dewdrop)

But I was thinking about Cumulus and Dewdrop, right? Dominatrix Cumulus taking Dewdrop under her wing so he has a healthy outlet to let things go and to hopefully teach him to take care of himself better and to instill healthy habits. Naturally before the relationship began the two of them sat down to talk about some ground rules that would be established

The main ones that Cumulus wanted Dew to acknowledge and understand first are : no excessive drinking, no more then five cigarettes a day (this is one I feel like Dew would struggle with the most giving he likes to chain smoke to deal with his feelings), drink at least three glasses of water a day, keep up with his meals or at least eat snacks throughout the day to accommodate and to check in whenever the thoughts got to be too much. "There was no sneaking around", Cumulus told Dewdrop when they had finished the conversation "because Mommy always knows". Cumulus chuckled and pressed a kiss to Dews head when she didn't get nothing in reply except for a flushed Dewdrop in reply

Everything was going good for Dew since their arrangement had started, and the other ghouls could tell what a positive impact it had on the fire ghoul. His mood had improved and he didn't look as sickly any more. Nobody had no clue why the sudden 360 had happened, but multiple ghouls and even Papa told him to keep it up and that whatever he was doing was working for him. It wasn't until the ghouls were celebrating a good show well done at a local pub did someone find out

Dew had decided to slip out for a breather only to notice that Swiss was outside doing the same, but he was smoking on his vape instead. A small smile and a tilt of his head let Dew know that he was welcome, and with an awkward smile of his own Dewdrop had stood next to him, eyeing the vape curiously in Swiss' hand. Thinking that the fire ghoul wanted to hit it, he extended the hand holding it out to him. Immediately Dewdrop looked away, as if even looking at it would earn him a punishment. "Ah- no, I'm good", Dew meekly replied. Cumulus never said nothing about vapes considering that cigarettes were his poison of choice, but he already had his five for the day courtesy to a case of the pre-show jitters. The fire ghoul knew he could argue of a loophole but he didn't want to get the lexan paddle to his bare ass anyway if, and most likely when, Cumulus didn't find his argument sustainable. Dew could still feel a very slight sting from when he accidentally skipped a meal a week and a half ago

Swiss raised a brow and tilted his head at that, retracting his hand. It was as if his suspicions had been confirmed. It started when Dew had begun to refuse a hit every time Swiss offered during a show. Alright, whatever. Swiss figured that it was because he suddenly gathered up a slight sense of professionalism, which was still weird for Dewdrop if Swiss was to be honest but it is what it is he supposed. But for him to out right refuse when they're in nobodies company but their own had Swiss a little concerned. "Ok? What the fuck is up with you? Usually you're begging me to let you hit and now you just quit? That's pretty weird dude"

Dewdrop blushes just like any other time somebody mentioned his change in habits "it's..Cumulus.." He mumbled abashedly, looking away with a lovesick smile on his face as a blush crept up on his cheeks "we had a talk and she doesn't like when I smoke so much..so we came to an agreement on how much I can smoke a day and I've reached my limit.." Dew explained with as little details as possible with a shrug, hoping that would satisfy the multi's need to be nosy. It would soon come back to bite Dew in the ass though when Swiss snorted, making the smile on the fire ghouls face fall and be replaced with a defensive expression with his brows furrowed and a snarl on his lips

"Look- don't get me wrong- I don't care in the slightest but just because she's the one doing the fucking- yeah don't sit there and act surprised, I've seen how hard it is for you to sit down sometimes-" Swiss says in reply to Dews startled squeak "-but it doesn't mean you gotta let her rule your life. If you really want a hit, just take one, man". Ohhhh Swiss would not be saying that if he was the one at the mercy of the paddle. Absolutely not

But he stared at Swiss for a second, and when he got that itch in his fingers to take the vape he snapped, storming back inside to hopefully find Cumulus. He found her at the bar, chatting with Mountain about God knows what. Wordlessly Dewdrop tugged on her sleeve from behind, trying to tell her without words that he needed to leave. Luckily the air ghoul got the message before turning around and excusing herself, telling Mountain to tell anyone in the pack who asked that she was tired and that she was going to hail a cab back to the hotel with dewdrop to turn in for the night

Cumulus decided it would be best for them to wait outside to give Dew a chance to tell her what was wrong, considering the blonde was so close to breaking down outside of the bar. "Swiss..", the fire ghoul keened as he buried his face into the air ghouls shoulder "he..he tried to get me to hit his vape..". Cumulus nodded as she raked her manicured nails gently along Dews scalp "Mhm..you didn't though, right? You were already at your smoking limit for today, firelily"

"No!", Dewdrop shouted, forgetting himself for a moment before apologizing and explaining "no..but- but I thought about it..I wanted to do it! I'm a bad boy, I deserved to be punished..". Cumulus' heart broke for his baby boy, believing he deserved to be punished for a simple thought. What's most important is that Dew didn't give in and came to find her. In her eyes her baby didn't break not a single rule which meant a punishment wasn't needed, and she voiced as such. " But- I-" Dewdrop got cut off by a quiet shush from Cumulus, who had noticed a cab had pulled up and was waiting for them "not now Hun. We'll talk more when we get back to the hotel, ok?" She asked, her hand running down his back and resting on the fire ghouls ass. Dew gasped, a blush dusting across his cheeks for certainly not the first time that night as he understood what Cumulus meant by 'talking'. "Hm..I'm gonna have to talk to a certain ghoul about what happens to those who tempt my baby, huh?", the air ghoul whispered in his ear before taking him by the elbow and leading him to the cab. Oh shit, Dewdrop thinks with a hint of giddyness, Swiss is sure in for it now

(Brought to you by a person currently running on four hours of sleep 🙃)

Oh. Oh I ADORE THIS. I adore them. And poor Dew, trying so hard, such a good good boy. So worried that just a thought is going to make Lus mad at him. All he wants to do is make her happy, be her good boy. God this is WONDERFUL. Thank you for sharing with me, I'm going to be thinking about this one, turning it around in my brain, chewing on it.

[tobiasdrake]

Yuki Spinoff, Episode 2: Joy to the World

Episode 3 is titled "Haruhi Suzumiya!!" so Yuki better enjoy her Christmas Party 'cause her life's about to go dramatically downhill.

Gonna have to make this one two posts 'cause I have a lot to say about this episode.

I noticed this in the first episode but I love the decision to change Yuki from a strict book-reader to also being a gamer. It does demonstrate the change in times, as Melancholy was released in 2006 while Disappearance of Yuki Nagato is from 2015, and gaming has become more proliferated over time.

But, more importantly, it also demonstrates the change in Yuki. Yuki Prime's never gone into detail about why she reads, but it's a fair assumption that she does it for the same reason most of us consume media: A desire to absorb information, experiences, and emotions through characters and situations.

Media exists in conversation with culture. By consuming media, Yuki is participating in culture. You could assume that she's only doing it to gather information, being a robot, but Yuki specifically reads fiction. She's looking for the same things everybody else is.

However, her media of choice is strictly text. She doesn't have a TV or video games or anything. She consumes experiences and emotions through text. Because Yuki herself is text. She can't watch a neutral expression on a screen slowly grow into a smile and immediately relate and understand what that means. She's more comfortable with a narrative structure that explains outright in words what the characters are feeling and going through. That's what Yuki can understand.

But this new Yuki, her ideal escapist form of Yuki with a full three-dimensional range of emotions, isn't limited in the same way. She shares Yuki Prime's love of media, shares her fascination with living vicariously through characters. But she can indulge her interests in ways the original could not, because she knows what it feels like to smile and enjoy things, to get excited by a rare drop, or to grieve a beloved character.

She is Yuki Unchained.

Ryoko has the perfect pre-"I hope you got your affairs in order because CHILD NOBODY IS GOING TO SEE YOU ALIVE AGAIN" Pleasant Mom Smile.

I wonder if Ryoko has parents? Yuki lives alone because Yuki Prime lives alone, because she's a space robot. But Escapist Yuki isn't a space robot, so the fact that she has no parents is simply a consequence of living situation transference she can't comprehend.

By the same logic, Ryoko should be a space robot. But Ryoko did have parents on paper. They weren't real and nobody ever saw them, but they did legally exist. "Her dad" even called the school when she "moved to Canada".

So I wonder what her living situation is here? Does she live alone like Yuki? Did this reality manifest real parents for her? Did it manifest real parents but they're out-of-country? Is she knowingly deceiving people into thinking she has parents?

What is your parental situation, Ryoko?

Ignoring the Skip Intro button from the shady piracy website providing my screenshots, can we all take a moment to acknowledge how great my character looks in this show that's not about her?

Black monochrome is a fantastic look for Haruhi because it's a color-scheme that matches her personality. Haruhi's always exuded Mean Girl Energy, pretty much from the moment we met her. She's a weird Mean Girl but she's a violent, self-absorbed misanthrope.

In a lot of other shows, she would be the protagonist's bully.

In her own show... that's still fairly accurate, yeah. It gets weirdly romanticized but it's still more or less her and Kyon's dynamic. She's like if Hey, Arnold! actually had its title character fall in love with Helga Pataki.

And just like that, I have dated myself to a billion years old. Okay. But it's true! That's what Haruhi and Kyon remind me of.

Haruhi most commonly sports the same outfit that everyone else is wearing due to Japanese school uniformity. But, courtesy of the decision Disappearance made to put her in a different school in Yuki World, this is the first time she's had her own unique aesthetic among the main cast. Well, apart from Itsuki, but he's a devout follower anyway.

This contrast against the uniformity of the rest of the cast makes Haruhi pop. She's eye-catchingly unique among a sea of brown blazers, as befits the center of the universe (in persona, even if no longer in power or character role). And the near-all-black color scheme gives her a wicked edge to her appearance, perfectly conveying her Mean Girl status.

Basically what I'm getting at is that I don't know how Haruhi's going to be used in this show but I wish she looked like this back in the original because holy hell is that the perfect Haruhi aesthetic.

I could watch Yuki and Kyon have a fun snowball fight for twenty straight minutes. That could be all this episode is and I would be satisfied.

Look at her. Look at how happy she is. This is all she wanted when she reshaped the universe. Haruhi twisted time and space to make time travelers and space aliens and espers and sliders, but Yuki did it to make this.

Meanwhile Ryoko remains MVP of this show. This subversion of the typical "surprised character hit in the face by thing as they walk into the room" gag is beautiful and conveys the composed and professional persona of Class President Ryoko Asakura.

I love how coy the show is playing about... like... how Ryoko she is. She vaporized the cotton snowball in her hand and then releases her battle aura. It's a funny gag. But. Also. There is a deep tension inherent to this incredibly likable character, to the point that it's not clear how literally we're meant to take this.

She did not actually blast Yuki and Kyon out the window with a Kamehameha beam of pure disapproval. But maybe she could? I don't know.

And then straight to the turkey! Like that didn't happen. XD

I'm so glad Yuki got her turkey. She wanted a turkey so bad. This is her first Christmas with full emotional range and all of it was invested in getting this turkey. She put her whole psyche into it every single time she exclaimed the English word "TURKEY!" last episode.

I became very invested in Yuki getting a turkey. Now she has one. I am very satisfied right now.

Oh, Yuki. This is Melancholy tone. A little bit of selfishness is what makes the universe go 'round.

Maybe my mind's bent from too much reality-warping but this conversation feels subtextually linked to Yuki's decision to eat Haruhi, remake the universe, and resurrect Ryoko in the first place.

Like. They're literally talking about the fate of Yuki Yuki Literature Club but the vibe feels much grander. That Yuki begins the conversation speaking in her emotionless Space Robot voice gives it this... between-the-worlds tone.

Like. Remember the last episode of PMMM when Madoka, Sayaka, and Mami were eating cake in a heavenly extradimensional Mami's Apartment Reality while they discuss Madoka's wish? That's what this feels like, to me.

Literally, this scene is an actual conversation that occurred between them in Yuki's World. But symbolically, subtextually, they're talking about the decision to manifest their reality in the first place. Saving the Literature Club here is, for the characters, exactly what it sounds like; But for the audience, it stands in for creating this world.

Look at her.

Only a monster wouldn't want her to have this turkey. This is the greatest moment of her... six days of life.

[obae-me]

Upside Down- CH 6

Author’s Notes: As much as I wanted to jump straight into the action, I felt like the next part of the story I had planned would be best if there was a little bit more bonding happening. After all, Levi needs to spend some time with his Henry! 

Word Count: 6946

Previous Chapter                                Next Chapter

Can I Call You Henry? 

Mammon continued to pace back and forth in the room by the bedroom door, ensuring no one would peek inside. Meanwhile, you were trying to keep Envy’s human hands off of you. He was extra clingy now…trying to keep his arms constantly around you. The blue-haired human had his headphones on, an action courtesy of Mammon to keep him from listening. The magic– sorry, technology– was apparently noise-canceling. “Well…this is just great,” Mammon groaned, speech slowed a little as alcohol still pumped through his body. 

“Calm down,” you sighed, annoyed with yourself. You should’ve known better than to fiddle with humans. You’d have to have a stern word with that shopkeep later for selling you such a faulty potion. 

“I thought…it was supposed to work on whatever he saw! He’s not supposed to see you? Does he see you? The prince isn’t going to have to come talk to you again, is he?” 

You squinted at Levi’s face, moving your head to see if he was tracking your movements. He was not. However, anytime you moved away from him, he managed to stumble in your general direction. It was odd…Perhaps this human had a hint of some sixth sense. Or maybe the term sight in the potion’s explanation was broader than mere vision. Who knew? Whatever the reason, the potion’s magicks were attached to you right now. “I think my secret is still safe. Your brother doesn’t seem to know it’s me. He said it himself, didn’t he?” Pulling Levi over to his chair, you sat him down with a push to his head. “He just believes I’m some sort of…apparition or…” Even just saying it left a strange tingle on your tongue. “An angel.” 

Confused, Mammon looked at where your voice was coming from with some confidence, like he was trying to outdo his brother on knowing where you were. He was still comically far off from your location. “An appa-what-a?” 

“A ghost,” you emphasized, which immediately made him look terrified. 

“You are kinda ghost-like, huh…Wait! If-if-if demons…are real…does that mean ghosts are…” 

Since he seemed about two seconds away from a breakdown, you went back to your original subject. “As I was saying, sure, this plan’s…development might’ve gone wrong. Happens sometimes with magic. Like I said though, this is fine.” Weird and inconvenient, sure, but not the worst thing that could’ve happened. “Either way, he’s so focused on something else he won’t need to go meet that other demon. The deed is done.” 

Mammon ran a hand through his hair, too much information running through his head, almost losing his balance as his head swam. He resigned himself to sitting on Levi’s bed. “So you’re just going to stay invisible for…how long? Hours? A day? You’ll just stay with him the entire time?” 

You went silent for a bit. Being cloaked that long after already using up plenty of magic all day spying on Lucifer…it would drain you. With the Prince’s and Mammon’s pact, it’s possible you would make it through, but you would be weak after. Possibly even vulnerable. “I don’t really have much of a choice, do I?” 

Mammon groaned, but there was a little bit of a look in his eyes that seemed like…jealousy? Was he upset that he didn’t get to boss his brother around, or miffed that Levi was the focus of your attention? You were probably seeing things. “Next time you do more magic stuff, can it be something cool?” 

“Do you want to be cursed? Because you’re asking to get cursed.” Even though Mammon couldn’t see you, he felt the glare you sent him. He attempted to look as innocent as possible. 

Levi, finally tired of remaining quiet, spoke up. “Mammon, can you sense them too? Are you talking to them?” He reached up and pulled the headphones off his ears. You quickly shut your mouth, not wanting the human to recognize your voice. Envy pulled at Levi’s features. “Why aren’t they talking to me? They saved me.” His voice, while sounding out of it, wasn’t as jittery as it had been the last few times you’d heard him. 

Put on the spot, Mammon squirmed in his seat uncomfortably. “Uhhh, yeah, bud, they’re talking to me. They’re friendly! Not a ghost, promise!” Well…being a ghost would’ve probably been an easier explanation…now you would have to find some other excuse. Guess you were some guardian angel now. He got up, coming over to put his hands on his brother’s shoulders. “They gave your older brother some warning to give ya!” 

“They did?” Levi tilted his head a little, moving his hand around the open air to try to feel for you. He managed to fish around for your wrist, holding onto it tightly. Tears started to fill his eyes, and it wasn’t long before silent drops rolled down his cheeks. “Did…Did Lilith send you?” 

Even though you were cloaked, you had to look away from him. At least he didn’t think you were Lilith. That would’ve been a whole other bumpy road to cross. 

Mammon lowered his head a bit before shaking it. “Nah, bud, nothin’ like that, but listen, that’s not the important part. They told me to tell you to block that de–I mean, person you were gonna meet up with!” You had to keep yourself from sighing out loud. Too many close calls here already. How were you possibly supposed to keep yourself a secret in these conditions? 

“Huh? But why? The figure…” Levi seemed confused, and for a valid reason. It’s not everyday you imbibe a potion and become obsessed with the idea of a guardian just for them to tell you to block a stranger on the internet…yeah, it even sounded crazy to yourself just thinking about it, but who were you to question how magic worked? Anyways, it seemed taking a message from a middle-man wasn’t causing any effect. So, reaching over, you placed your free hand on Levi’s keyboard, slowly typing out a message in a random chat room. 

Mammon is right. Do not go out. They are dangerous. 

Levi’s eyes went wide as he saw the letters seemingly typing themselves out. As soon as you told him not to, he immediately agreed. “Okay! I’ll stay here with you instead! I don’t really need that figure anyway!” He let go of you, turning in his chair to mess with his computer, doing the work of cutting off all communication with the demon. 

“Wow…he agreed I was right…it really works,” you heard Mammon whisper behind you. “Guess we really don’t have to worry now.” 

Levi moved the mouse, clicking a few times before he pulled up the messages from the demon that had sent the picture. Without any hesitation, he hovered over a word in all red that simply said block. As soon as he selected the option, the computer screen flickered, different pop-ups and browser windows opening and closing, the colors shifting and changing. The background of Levi’s computer that consisted of smiling anime characters began to disappear one-by-one till there was nothing but a black void. Then all the lights in Levi’s room began to do the same thing, fluttering on and off with random sequences. A noise coming from the speakers rang through your ears, a garbled, staticky scream of rage. 

Then every light shut off at once. 

“Ahhhh!” Mammon shrieked, fumbling around in the dark. Without any natural light in Levi’s room, it was pitch black in here. 

Then you all heard the cries and shouts of the other people occupying the house. Apparently this had spread further than just the room. Amongst the screams, you heard doors swinging open. “Hey! Is the power out?” It was from a voice you hadn’t had the opportunity to connect to a face yet. 

Cursing, panicked, trying to find his phone, Mammon clicked a button that shot a ray of light from the back of it, able to finally see. At the new visibility, he seemed a little more at ease, but he was obviously on edge. He swung Levi’s room open, shouting back into the hall. “Y-yeah! Must be busted!” 

Levi managed to find your body again, grasping your hand, his own shaking. “W-what was that?...You’ll protect me right?...You’ll protect me…” His words started to ramble, muttering under his own breath. “...won’t be like Lilith…I’m sorry, Lilith…” Oh dear, they’re all traumatized, aren’t they? While you hated the idea of holding hands with a human so casually, you didn’t want him to bring more attention to himself than he already would. So, if this was keeping him calm…you’d do what you must. Mammon however, was making you nervous. Trying to keep both humans controlled and quiet was bound to be a nightmare…but you’d have to try. With Levi in tow, you followed Mammon out into the hallway. 

Other lights began to flash in the darkness, the other brothers who were at home congregating in the hall. These two you hadn’t met yet. One of them had bright blonde hair, a green sweater pulled over his body. Yet, despite the cozier appearance, he looked downright furious. “What did you two do?! I was in the middle of watching a documentary!” 

“Why do you assume it was something to do with us, huh?!” Mammon spat back. Apparently his fear was quick to lead into anger. 

“Because when the two of you are together, nothing good ever happens!” Ah…this was Satan, wasn’t it? You could feel the raw fury coming forth from him. Lesser demons back at home gave off this same feeling. It was all-consuming. Infecting even those who weren’t associated with the sin. Wrath burns and spreads like an uncontrolled wildfire. 

Mammon was obviously the easiest to be affected. “We were just playing games!” 

“Since when do you two play games anymore? Don’t lie to me!” 

“I wasn’t!” They were starting to approach each other with snarls over their faces and hatred in their eyes. 

That was when the other brother finally stepped in. “Don’t! All this stress is going to be bad for my skin!” He stepped in-between the two, pressing the back of his hand to his cheek. Asmo. Lust. It wasn’t too hard to figure it out…seeing as how this human appeared to be in nothing but a pink robe. Aside from what that sin obviously entails, demons back at home were also riddled with unchecked narcissism and vanity, not to mention absolutely head-over-heels for the human. If he thought he had a popular fan base in the human realm, he would absolutely have an over-inflated ego knowing he had just as much, if not more, down there. 

Luckily, Asmo’s intervention seemed to get Satan and Mammon off of each other. Unluckily, Satan looked directly at Levi. “Have too many devices turned on again? You know Lucifer said no more than three at a time.” 

Levi, suffering from both the odd effects of magic and now getting the absolute soul scared out of him, started to ramble. “My f-friend told me to block someone, and when I did, the computer glitched out, and we heard a scream, and then-” 

Mammon thankfully cut his brother off. “We were drinkin’ a bit before the power went out! He’s a little out of it!” 

“Aww,” Asmo giggled, his tone bubbly but with a surprisingly hurtful bite. “Levi thinks he has a friend!” 

Envy huffed a little angrily, blushing a bit. “I do! They-” With a firm hand over his mouth, you kept him from speaking, hoping the others wouldn’t be able to tell how strange it looked in the dim lighting. 

Ignoring his brother, like this weirdness was a common occurrence, Satan rolled his eyes. “We should probably try to get the power back on,” he announced, already sounding much calmer. If this is how you first met him, you would’ve probably had a hard time realizing who he was. “Let's try to reset the breaker.” Without waiting for anyone else, the human turned and headed down the hallway. 

“Oo, Satan, that sounded so cool! I’d come with you but…I hate the basement, and that sounds like dirty work. Best of luck!” Waving to no one in particular, Asmo hummed and returned to his room. 

With the two other humans out of ear-shot, you lowered your hand from Levi’s mouth. The human nodded, gripping your hand tighter. “You want to be a secret? O-okay. I get it. Maybe I-I like that idea better. It’s nice to have a friend only I know about.”

“What about me?” Mammon turned his head with a frown. 

“I’m the one they saved. Not you. You don’t count.” 

You could tell Mammon was ever so close to spilling it all, just to prove to his brother that he got to be your ‘friend’ first. Ugh, friend. Why did these two humans think you were their friend? Mammon was…a good acquaintance at best. Just two hardly-close people bound by blood and soul for the rest of time. Just something casual. Your pact-mate seemed to keep the secret to himself though, growling a little bit with his hand on his hip. “W-whatever! Let’s go make sure Satan gets the power fixed. The faster we get light in here again, the better!”  

Levi seemed pleased to have won, the two humans leading you around the house till you reached a set of stairs descending from the first floor. If you thought the house itself was already dark, down there it was even gloomier. Mammon suddenly seemed hesitant…again…like he was scared...again. If you were able to speak at this moment, you would’ve told him that there was no need to fear the dark or ghosts when he had a pact with a demon. A demon. Did that fact carry little weight up here in this modern time? The last time you had come here, people were more than happy to pick up the torches at the mere mention of your kind. But…you didn’t want to think about that now…“S-Satan,” Mammon called down. “Ya gettin’ it fixed?” 

There was no reply. 

You don’t know why, but you felt a bit worried. Maybe bringing up the thought of old memories had you also a bit on edge. The circumstances of this sudden darkness were more than likely from that demon…You shook free of Levi’s hand and rushed down the stairs, descending into the inky-black depths of the basement. “H-hey, don’t leave me behind!” Levi rushed after you. 

You could hear Mammon panic from atop the stairs. “Don’t leave me alone either!” He squeaked.

You tried to get a sense of the basement layout. Luckily, you had more of an advantage as a demon when it came to living in darker spaces. You could see enough on your own without needing a light. Plus, you had been down here earlier to clean it as much as you were able, so you had a general idea of where things were. They didn’t keep much down here. Boxes, old equipment, tools, that sort of thing. Turning your head, you saw shadows being cast on a far wall from another light. From Satan’s phone, you imagined. As Levi and Mammon clamored down the stairs, nearly tripping over one another, the light suddenly shut off. 

“Oi! Where are ya?” Mammon whispered, already looking a bit shaken up. As you rolled your eyes, you grabbed his arm, making him jump. You lifted up his hand and pointed it in the direction you saw Satan’s light. Mammon’s lip quivered. “L-lead the way, Levi.” 

“Why me?!” 

These humans were useless. You took them both by the wrist and dragged them forward, almost chuckling when Mammon caught his foot against a box, the sound causing these humans to flinch. You pulled them around a set of filing cabinets and stopped when you heard rustling. 

A shadow rushed out, grabbing Mammon by the shoulders. “Boo!” 

Levi jolted, clinging to you while Mammon screamed, falling backwards, giving the shadow a good kick before he hit the ground. The figure cussed, but started laughing so loud afterwards, he sent himself into a coughing fit. “Oh my god, I got you so good this time.” Satan rubbed at his eyes as he caught his breath. He looked much different with a smile on his face. You brushed Levi’s arms off of you before the other human noticed. 

“Shuddup!” Mammon shouted, getting to his feet as quickly as he could. “That wasn’t funny!” 

“You’re right. It was only hilarious.” Satan brought up the light on his phone, getting a good look at his brother’s faces. “I still can’t believe you’re afraid of ghosts. They’re not real, Mammon.” 

Oh please. Could you? Would you? Oh you know you would. How could you not? Another human to be humbled? Yes, please. With your tail unfurled, you wrapped it around a small box stacked on top of one of the filing cabinets. It was made with metal and was a decent weight. A perfect instrument for your mischief. As it fell, it rattled loudly, crashing into the ground, the top opening and sending small metal tools rolling across the floor. All three humans jumped this time, Satan even gasping a bit. Mammon swirled around in fear, but then a look crossed over his face as he realized it was probably your doing. He was obviously conflicted. Mad that you would do that to him, but pleased that his younger brother had been taken down a peg. 

Satan, shaking off the fact that he’d been startled, cleared his throat. “That must’ve been your fault, Mammon. You falling down earlier probably shook it loose,” he excused away. “Let’s work on the power, the breaker is right here.” Satan shined his light on the wall, illuminating a large metal panel. “Can one of you shine the flashlight on this for me while I work on it?” 

“Yeah, yeah…I suppose.” With a few steps, Mammon was over to Satan’s side, holding the light cast from his phone down on the panel. 

Satan opened it, revealing a bunch of switches inside. Each switch had a label next to it, the tabs marked down with the different rooms of the house. Was this the source of the house’s power? “Well…that’s…weird,” Satan observed, pushing the panel door away from him, his thumb brushing up against an image in the lower left corner. As the humans leaned in to look at it, casting it under their glow, your chest tightened. Satan seemed to know what it was as well, only not to the extent the danger held. “What is it, like a sigil? Levi, did you do this? Is this from an anime or something?” 

Levi shook his head. “I didn’t draw that! And-and why would I put it there anyway?” 

“It was just a question,” Satan sighed, trying to rub away the demonic sigil with his thumb. It wouldn’t go away that easily. “Whatever.” The human went back to trying to fix the power, but you had a feeling now that it would be a waste of effort. This was that demon’s doing. They must’ve magically sealed away the power for a reason…and it more than likely wouldn’t turn back on unless that demon was either dead…or successful in capturing Levi. 

"I called Lucifer. He's talking with someone now on how to fix it," Satan sighed, lighting another candle to settle on the living room coffee table. A little row of flickering flames dimly illuminated the room you were all in. The sun was setting. It would be night soon. Whatever natural light was letting itself into the house through the open windows would soon be gone. 

"This is awful!" Asmo flopped down onto one of the couches with a dramatic huff. "How are we supposed to get anything done like this?" 

"It's only temporary. Knowing Lucifer, he'll do anything in his power to get everything back online as soon as possible." Despite that being a positive thing, Satan managed to still mention his older brother with disdain. "So we'll just have to rough it for the night. Just imagine it like a camping trip." Asmo was not convinced, but he stayed quiet at least. Satan put a hand on one of his hips. "Where's Beel?" 

"Tryin' to save the fridge," Mammon spoke up, arms crossed tightly. "And by that I mean eatin' everything he possibly can out of it before it goes bad." 

Satan nodded, figuring he should've assumed as much. "Alright. I'll go try to find some flashlights so we can conserve the battery life on our phones. Asmo, can you go find extra blankets for everyone? The weather suggests it'll get quite cold tonight." 

The brother of Lust groaned. "Let's just stay in a hotel or something for the night." 

No. Absolutely not. Dangerously bad idea. You gave Mammon a nudge with your foot as you were sandwiched between Greed and Envy on the couch. Surprisingly, he figured out what you meant. Although, he was less than happy about it. "I-I think we should just stay here! I mean, this could be fun–yeah, fun! Right Levi?" Mammon then attempted to give his brother a knowing look, both eyebrows raised. 

Levi seemed to be waiting for you to give him a sign of sorts. This back and forth was beginning to exhaust you already…You squeezed his hand–which he was still holding onto–and then he nodded. "Y-yes!” He sounded much too ecstatic about it. “I don't want to leave! I'm staying here!" There was that positive at least. 

"You two are acting odd. You did do something to cause this, didn't you?" Satan knew too much. Not that it was difficult to figure out. They both weren't exactly any good at acting casual. Both of them nearly reeked of deceit.

Asmo chimed in, his smile falling for the first time to express his annoyance. "When don't they act weird?” He sat further up, stretching a bit. “You all can do whatever you want, I'm not going to sit here in the cold dark for the rest of the night. I know a lovely little hotel to go to! Oo, maybe I could call some friends!" Your heart pounded a bit, already feeling exhausted at the thought of having to corral the brothers, or being forced to keep an eye on all of them from different locations. Demons worked best at night. Maybe the humans were fine when they were all out and about during the day, but when the moon was high…

Luckily, someone figured that out for you. "No one is going anywhere." Who would've thought Lucifer swooping in would leave you with relief? He shut the door behind him, tucking his phone against his shoulder as a repetitive melody rang out faintly from the speakers. He’d come home early to sort this all out apparently. For once, nearly everyone was in the same room. It had been almost a month now, and a little outage had the power to have more than two of them in the same place at the same time

“Awwww, why not?” Asmo wined, a pout to his lips, perhaps doing his best to convince his older brother otherwise. 

“Do I need a reason other than because I said so?” He sounded frustrated. Somehow more so than normal. His eyes narrowed, trying to give Asmo a chance to speak back, but the younger brother flopped back over once more, a wistful sob leaving his chest. Satisfied enough, Lucifer moved on from that. He looked around the room. “Where’s Beel?” 

Every brother seemed to speak in unison. “In the kitchen.” 

Lucifer checked the screen of his phone, his eye almost twitching when the song on the other end repeated for the umpteenth time. “Well, someone tell him to come in here please. We’re having a meeting.” A look of recollection crossed over his face. “Someone should probably grab our house guest as well.” 

…Well, that wasn’t good. 

Mammon, as a good pact-mate should, tried to cover for you. “I don’t -uh- think that’s needed. They said they weren’t feelin’ well! They’re asleep right now!” It would have been a decent excuse if he didn’t sound so suspicious about it. 

Lucifer easily picked up on Mammon’s nervousness. “Go wake them up anyway…unless there’s a reason why they can’t join us.” He was trying to imply that you’d broken his house arrest. To be fair, you had broken it, but it frustrated you that he was only saying that now while you were sitting in the same room as him. Cloaked, sure, but still. Principle. Mammon could only stutter now, stumbling over his own lie he had made. Lucifer tilted his head, eyebrows furrowed. “Then I’ll go check on them myself, shall I? They’re staying in the downstairs guest room, correct?” Without waiting for Mammon’s answer, he left the living room. 

Now was not the time for thinking, it was the time for moving. As spryly as you could, you stood, a brisk sweep of your tail snuffing out every little flame in the room, causing it to go dark. With a shove, you placed Levi in Mammon’s arms, hoping that the brother of Greed would do his job and keep his brother in place. With a hop over the back of the couch, you also left the room, ignoring the many concerned shouts coming from behind you. At the very least, those shouts forced Lucifer to turn around in the hall, probably thinking to himself if it was best to check on them. With a stroke of luck, he did, peeking his head back into the living room to make sure his brothers hadn’t gotten themselves into worse trouble. Now you could easily sneak past him and rush to the guest room. You’d have to figure out how to get back to Levi without having your secret be broken later. 

Nearly sliding on the tile floors, you quietly rushed into the guest room, uncloaking yourself, hiding your demon form, and jumping right into bed. You’d have to try to make Mammon look like he wasn’t completely lying at least. If you could get out of this meeting, that would be for the best, then you could head back to Levi in your invisible state and continue on with this ‘guardian’ role you’d been assigned. It was…interesting how what he so badly seemed to want was just a friend. Maybe that was the reason he seemed to see you. He felt the presence of something else –even as miniscule as it was– and attached that feeling to the concept of a friend. 

You didn’t have too long to think this over, as soon as your head hit the pillow and you turned your back towards the door, you heard the hinges ever-so-slightly squeak open. “MC.” Your name was called in a less than friendly fashion. 

You huffed a bit, feeling it was warranted. “What is it?” 

“Your presence is wanted in the living room.” 

“Oh?” You sat up, not sure that he could even see you, but doing it regardless. “Finally giving me a welcoming party?” 

You could hear him tisk in irritation, apparently not enjoying your sarcasm as much as you were. “That’s not really the tone I expect from someone who was so graciously given a place to stay under our roof.” 

“I’m not feeling well.” It was just to hold up Mammon’s story…but now that you had said it, your head was swimming a little. Apparently all that magic usage was catching up to you. The end results of this whole scenario was going to be a lose-lose situation no matter what it came down to, apparently. You’d have to try to solve this issue fast before you ended up putting yourself out of commission for a few days. Last time you’d used up this much magical energy, you were asleep for a week. If you really wanted Lucifer off your back…perhaps you’d have to swallow some pride of your own. “Can whatever it is wait, or can you just tell it to me here? Please?” 

You got a moment of hesitation. Perhaps he wasn’t used to being asked for something so nicely. All of the sudden…there was a weird shift in him. “Of all the nights to be feeling under the weather…Are you getting sick?” 

“I’m not…sure I’d go quite that far.” And you weren’t quite sure how to react to this genuine question of his. 

Maybe it was to verify your statement, maybe he just felt the need to control the situation at all times, or maybe it was the older brother in him coming out. He stepped through the darkness, kicking aside one of your shoes that you’d had in the middle of the floor. Despite you leaning back, he put the back of his hand against your forehead. He hummed. “You are a bit warm, but no fever. It would’ve been helpful to know of this beforehand. I could’ve stopped at the store to get you medicine.” 

Human remedies wouldn’t have helped your ‘condition’ anyway. “If you recall, you put me on house arrest and I don’t have your number.” No lies to be had there. Simeon, Solomon, and now Mammon were the only ones you had connected to your device. “Besides, why would I need to tell you? It’s my problem to take care of. That’s what you prefer, don’t you? People taking care of themselves?” You weren’t quite sure what had gotten into you. Maybe you felt it was high time to let the human have it. 

“Simeon and I are in good standing. I would hate to-” 

“Oh please, don’t start with that.” You couldn’t help but let the bitter words leave your tongue, your distaste for humans coming back full force. Lucifer leaned away from you, stiffing at your interruption. “I know he bribed you to let me stay. Please, don’t act like you’re some good Samaritan, keeping me out of the cold, off the street, taking care of me, when in reality you and I both know that you’re either doing it to resolve yourself of some of the guilt, or doing a good job in hopes you’ll get another reward.” You took a shuddering breath at the end of that long-winded, rambling sentence. “Don’t act like you care about me.” 

The room was silent save for that infernal sound still seeping from Lucifer’s phone. Seriously, what was that? And why was it going for so long? 

Then the human finally spoke up. You were a bit annoyed at how similar you two sounded, both distant, cold towards others. Deep inside, it seemed the human you hated most shared some of the same colors of your own soul. “You’re right. I don’t,” he admitted. The little piece of himself he had showed you when he checked your temperature was now long gone, the Lucifer you had come to know thus far back in full swing. “Just don’t suddenly complain if you fall ill and have nothing and no one to help you. I was going to run through a plan and basic safety precautions with all the others in the living room, but if you’re going to stay in here all night, I don’t see a reason why you would need to join us.” He stepped away from you, moving back to your door. He paused for just a moment as his hand rested on the doorknob. Maybe he was going to change his mind and force you to come with him…or maybe he was processing the strange moment you two had shared. Then he left. 

By all accounts, this should’ve been a success…so why did it not fully feel like it? 

"S-so, I was thinking we could do something f-fun together!" Levi happily sat in his chair, pretty giddy despite having nothing but a flashlight to illuminate his room. Mammon worked on spreading out the extra blankets Asmo had gone and distributed to everyone. Even though Levi was the one under the potions spell, Mammon couldn't seem to leave you alone either. 

"And do what with the power out?" Mammon wondered. 

"Card games! Or board games! Or, like, a get to know you game! I want to learn more about my friend!" You wished he would go to bed instead. Night was upon you all now. A terrible feeling rested in your gut. Something would happen tonight, and you needed to be prepared. 

“Maybe just a card game. I have the feeling our friend,” you noted the obvious emphasis, “wants to be secret, ‘member?” 

“But, what do I call them? Can’t we try to figure out their name or something? Anything?” He waited for a response. Since Mammon was suddenly unsure of what to say, you went the quick route, taking Levi by the chin and shaking his own head. His cheeks turned pink and suddenly he seemed fine without needing any answers. 

So, all of you settled down. You played card games with them, listening to them argue about the proper rules since Mammon seemed to want to play things a bit more extreme. It reminded you of how they acted when they were playing the racing game. Much different than when they were arguing about money. This was how they should be. Acting like brothers. Although, as time ticked by, you became more anxious…and more exhausted. With the power out, the cold started to seep through the house, inching ever further into each room. Before long, Mammon and Levi were shivering. 

Putting down your cards, you stood, finding Levi’s headphones and tucking them over his head again. He seemed to want to protest, but he went silent as soon as your hand rested on his head. “Mammon, I need you to stay with Levi tonight,” you finally spoke, bending down to hoist Levi to his feet by grabbing his shoulders, making a startled whimper leave his lips. You dragged the human over near his bed, throwing the blankets aside, and making him sit on the mattress. 

“Huh, why?” Mammon, bummed that you’d ended the game before it was over, especially because he was winning, gathered up the cards to put them away. 

“Because I have to patrol tonight.” 

“Patrol?” He got to his feet and stretched, rubbing the back of his head sleepily. He fished around for his D.D.D. but cursed when nothing displayed on the screen. It was dead. “Whadda mean?” 

“That sigil we saw today, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it. I’m almost certain it was from that demon Levi blocked. They aren’t happy. I have a feeling they’re going to try to come for him.” 

Mammon’s eyes went wide, speaking louder than he probably should've. “For real?” 

You shushed him, telling him to keep his voice down. “Yes. I have to go outside and make sure the House stays safe. Or possibly hunt down the demon if I must. So,” you paused as you gave Levi a gentle shove, pushing him back into the bed and forcing the blankets over him. “Have a sleepover with your brother tonight. And keep. Him. Inside.” 

His face fell, looking between his brother and the door. “You’re goin’ out? All by yourself? Weren’t you the one that said it was dangerous to try to fight ‘em alone? We did this whole thing in the first place ‘cus it was the safest option!” 

“I won’t leave the grounds unless I need to.” You left Levi to take Mammon by the hand and drag him to the other side of the bed. “Trust me, I don’t want to find more trouble for myself. I’ll just make sure nothing happens tonight, and we can come up with a new plan by tomorrow if we need to.” He did not seem convinced, so against your better nature, you settled your hand over his head, your fingers slipping through his hair. “I’m not doing this alone, I need you to make sure your brother stays safe. We’re working on this together, right?” 

All the sudden, he felt a little more important, although a bit embarrassed at being pet. He nodded, grinning a bit. “You can count on me for this, promise! Just…be careful, yeah? If something looks fishy, come get me right away!” Dragging a human between a fight of demons would only weigh you down, but sure, you agreed, flicking the middle of his forehead just so things didn’t get too cushy. Then you came back over to Levi, pulling his headphones off. 

“Is it really that late?” He asked. “I can stay up super late, just so you know! I’m a master all-nighter!” He didn’t seem to want to comply with going to bed. 

“Listen up!” Mammon spoke for you, grabbing Levi’s attention. “Our friend wants you to get some sleep! They can tell you haven’t been sleeping properly, and demand you get some rest!” Good job, Mammon. 

You confirmed this statement by finding Levi’s hand and giving it a squeeze, something he was learning to take as a yes. With that, Levi nodded. “O-okay, I suppose. If that’s what you want,” he addressed that to you. “You know, there’s this book I love, and in it, there’s a hero named Henry. He goes and saves the realm while becoming friends with these grand Lords.” Suddenly, Levi yawned, but kept going on with his explanation. “If I don’t know your name, do you think it’s okay if I call you Henry?” Really? The great Demon…Henry? It didn’t seem to fit you, but hey, once this potion wore off, Levi would more than likely forget about all this anyway. So you gave his hand another squeeze. He smiled, a light behind his eyes you hadn’t seen before. “Okay, Henry! Thanks for protecting me…and being my friend. Stay with me while I sleep.” It wasn’t necessarily a question, but a beg. 

Mammon shrugged, leaning back against Levi’s bed with a scoff. “You and this Henry stuff.” 

But you stayed, sure, just to make sure Levi wouldn’t follow you. You stood there holding his hand, curiously observing the way he fell asleep. The exhaustion that had built up in him finally took over, the ends of his bangs covering his closed eyes. It might’ve been…almost charming in a way…if only he wasn’t human. You slowly pulled your hand from his, tucking his arm back under the blanket before you sighed. “I hope that potion wears off in the morning,” you whispered. 

“Hey, just consider yourself lucky, yeah? Usually, when he obsesses over something, he goes nuts. Won’t shut up about it, makes himself crazy over it. At least with you it seemed…normal. Like a healthy amount, ya know?” Mammon checked his phone again, forgetting it was dead. He cursed once more and settled it on a nightstand rather harshly. 

“Before I leave, let me tell you something.” You came over to him, pulling at his sleeve to reveal his pact-mark. “You and I are…connected through this. So, if something happens, you can summon me to you.” A fascinated glimmer shone through him, but before he could say anything about it, you continued. “Use it only for emergencies, you hear me? We don’t need my cover to be blown over anything stupid.” 

His glee deflated, but he still seemed interested. “Yeah, yeah. How do I do it though? I don’t need some fancy summoning circle or anything, do I?” 

“Nothing quite like that. It’s more of a spell really. It’s usually quite difficult for normal humans to master, but you and your brothers…there’s something different about all of you. I have a feeling you should be able to cast it just fine.” You gripped his wrist. “Repeat after me, okay? I need you to try to remember this.” 

He nodded, his face suddenly scrunched up in focus. “I got it, I got it, just tell me already!” 

You took a breath, trying to recall such a spell that you had hardly ever heard used in your lifetime. “Hear me, denizens of darkness,” you started, listening to Mammon mutter the words after you, careful not to wake up his brother. “You who are born of shadow and you who give birth to it. Hear me and do as I command! I–and then you would say your name, so Mammon– I Mammon, call upon you to send forth one of your number! I summon the Avatar of Isolation, MC!” After you both had recited the spell together, you both felt a little tug, like both of your souls were pulling at each other. You were shocked, but then relieved. It would work just fine for him. 

“That’s so freakin’ cool! And you’ll just pop up near me whenever I call ya? Or maybe come through a circle of magic?” 

“Something like that. But remember–” 

“Only for emergencies, yadda yadda, I know.” You both let go of each other, Mammon settling himself under the covers as he shivered a bit again. It was a bit nippy in here. Luckily human temperatures didn’t bother you all too much. Mammon raised his head, almost able to look directly at you now. Maybe after the spell, he could sense you a little better. “See you in the morning?” 

You stared at the both of them, tilting your head. There was this…odd feeling that had started to seed itself into your soul. You weren’t quite sure what it was. It was almost as if…a bit of pain had gone away. You were probably overthinking things. You gave an affirming hum, taking a few steps back from the bed. “Yeah. See you two soon.”

@rayanicaraynbow​

@designatedbreadbox​

@qrowsofafeather​

@crystal-freak24

[the-one-where-casey-watches-tv]

Ted Lasso episode 3.09 "La Locker Room Aux Folles"

Still from "La Locker Room Aux Folles". Image courtesy of AppleTV+.

I was trying to wait for the series to end before I covered Ted, but this episode really stood out to me. There was so much in it that I found perfect and meticulously executed, and those parts are all the more impressive to me given the problems I have with its central premise.

There are multiple ways to read this episode, and ways that I can make it make sense for myself, but I still just have to say: what the fuck, Isaac? I give the episode some credit because literally everyone immediately said the same thing, and if this is what they were going to do with the episode they handled it as best they could, but something about it just didn’t quite sit right with me.

The episode picks up where the last one left off, with Isaac icing Colin out after grabbing his phone and seeing some gay stuff on there. Just like Trent earlier this season, I never came close to suspecting the worst in Isaac, so I don’t really appreciate this show continuing to play the “is he a homophobe” game with Colin and me. And without really entertaining the question they want me to be asking, it’s just a little weird. What’s his deal?

It all comes to a head at halftime when Isaac’s inexplicable pent up anger leaves Richmond down 0-1 at the half. As they shuffle into the locker room, a belligerent fan shouts down that the team is playing like f**s, and that’s the straw that breaks the mysterious camel’s back. Colin and Sam both hear it too and avoid engaging, but Isaac leaps into the stands and starts pummeling the guy, with Roy of all people being the one to break it up.

Again, the thing that makes a character’s bizarre behavior work is when the show acknowledges that it is indeed bizarre. Isaac is rightfully red carded and Richmond is down a player for the rest of the game, and the dude comes in shaking. Everyone just looks at him, and finally Ted breaks the silence with “okay, no one’s gonna say anything? I’ll say somethin’. What just happened?” This just sends Isaac hurling his captain band across the room and storming off into a closet with an aggressive shout of “what if one of us was gay?!” But when Ted tries to go after him, Roy says he’s got it.

Kola Bokinni in "La Locker Room Aux Folles". Image courtesy of AppleTV+.

While Roy ambiguously talks him down, with little Will’s help, we’re not given much more insight into what’s really bothering him. Roy’s utter respect for people and willingness to mind his own business is a really great perspective to add to this episode’s conversation, and I really appreciate him here. Later, at the post-game press conference, I’ll appreciate him even more.

While he tells Isaac to handle whatever he’s “really mad about”, the rest of the team speculates on what in the world has gotten into him. Colin stays quiet, but Sam mentions that he heard what the fan said that got that reaction. The pacing in this locker room sequence is perfect. The comedic beats keep this from getting more serious than it needs to be (coming out is a big deal, but this isn’t a melodrama, nor does it need to be when it’s all love, as we know it will be). So Sam tells the team that the fan said the F-word, which is met with choruses of:

“Fuck?”

“No, the other F-word”

“ohh fuck…”

The team reaches the inevitable conclusion that Isaac must be gay. Finally, Colin admits that Isaac isn’t gay. He is. We don’t actually see him come out, though, which is an interesting choice that I actually think is really classy. I know Colin isn’t a real guy, but a big theme in this episode is giving people their privacy, and I like that the episode itself found a way to let him have this moment with the team in private without us feeling like we’re missing any plot points.

There’s a really nice moment after this that we do get to see, that adds to the impressive, thoughtful storytelling here. The team of course is quick to douse Colin in love, with Jamie saying, “you got us, we got you”, among some other choruses of “yeah bruv, we don’t care”. But something about that last part doesn’t sit right with Ted. He tells a little story about a friend of his who was a Denver Broncos’ fan in a place where that was not a popular team. He didn’t write off his friend the way everyone else in his town did, because he ‘didn’t care’, but he found out later that his friend spent two consecutive super bowls alone because Ted ‘didn’t care’, which also meant that he didn’t think that friend might need some special attention.

Jason Sudeikis in "La Locker Room Aux Folles". Image courtesy of AppleTV+.

During this really sweet monologue, Sam and Jamie have a silent conversation over who should wear Isaac’s captain band for the rest of the game. Sam caught it when Isaac flung it off, and Jamie is gesturing for Sam to give it to him. Sam instead flips him off and puts it on. It breaks up the moment without detracting from it, and it was perfectly on brand for the two of them.

When Ted’s story ends, Colin asks if he just compared being gay to being a Denver Broncos’ fan, and Jamie asks what the fuck a Denver Bronco is. Ted’s anecdote here is such a great choice for this episode in a few ways. First, as a viewer, I found that to be a powerful comparison, and the point Ted is trying to make is well taken. But that story is for us, the viewers, not the team. It reached us, but not his intended audience right in front of him, and his tripping over himself within the story continues to serve the scene. It’s another comedic break, and I appreciate the show’s acknowledgement that straight people don’t always nail it when people come out, despite their best intentions. But Ted sums it up for everyone: “the point is, Colin, we don’t ‘not care’. We care very much. We care about who you are and what you must’ve been going through”.

So ultimately, Ted did nail it. Colin flies back onto the field, weightless, telling Trent jokingly that the only way it could’ve gone better is if the entire team came out too. This was all so sweet, but there was nothing like Colin’s guttural, euphoric “YEESS!!!” on the field after carrying the team to victory. I’m tearing up a little just thinking about it.

Billy Harris in "La Locker Room Aux Folles". Image courtesy of AppleTV+.

That night, Isaac knocks on Colin’s door, wanting to know what about him made Colin feel like he needed to keep his sexuality a secret from him. To be honest, I’m getting a little tired of this being normalized as an ‘acceptable’ reason to react badly to people coming out. Isaac apologized, and Colin made the good point that he kept the secret his whole life and only lasted a month after Isaac knew. But the show had the option to have not made this a plot point at all. Everything else in this episode was so perfect, that I feel like I can tell that Isaac’s reaction was an unfortunately necessary vehicle to bring the story to this point.

Nonetheless, the two make up and play video games together and it’s all very nice, so I’m willing to let it go, especially with the rest of the episode’s events and themes in mind. I couldn’t help but think throughout this episode that Keeley’s coming out was not at all this belabored and serious, which I thought was normal and great. But now Jack is moving to Argentina for several months because Keeley was hacked and had her nudes leaked…? That revelation was a footnote of this episode at best, but combined with Isaac’s behavior, perhaps the takeaway to all this is just that sometimes people don’t always do the right thing.

I guess we’ll find out what to make of Jack later, but the culmination of everything this episode is trying to say has me leaving my heart open for her to redeem herself. Roy tells a great anecdote of his own at a press conference after the game that really sums up this takeaway- Rebecca had asked him to attend a press conference in Ted’s place earlier in the episode and he had sent Beard instead. Rebecca then laid into Roy, telling him to stop “ordering shit sandwiches and complaining about the portions”. This was a perfectly timed criticism because, especially with Brett Goldstein’s recent appearances on Sesame Street, Roy was starting to become a bit of a caricature of himself. It was very appropriate and self-aware of the show to show him being challenged and in the vulnerable position of having a boss.

So, Roy heeded her advice (or orders, depending on how you look at it) and went to the post-match press conference, despite Ted being available to do it himself. His commanding presence was the right choice, given that the press room was frothing at the mouth to ask what the hell had gotten into Isaac. The first question Roy takes is if Richmond condones Isaac’s behavior, to which Roy grunts “what a stupid fucking question. Course we don’t. What Isaac did was awful. He was lucky he only got a red card.” The natural follow up question is “then why’d he do it?”

Instead of answering, Roy tells an uncharacteristically vulnerable story from his past. When he was a young player, he had a teammate whose wife was expecting their first baby. One day at training, Roy made a joke that statistically, he was just as likely to be the father as his teammate. Not a great joke, but it didn’t warrant the guy breaking three of his ribs. The teammate was expelled from the team, and no other team wanted him after that. Roy ran into him at a pub months later, and took the opportunity to apologize for his joke. The teammate then told him that his wife had lost the baby a month before the incident, and never told anyone. “So for Isaac to do what he did today, even though it was wrong, I give him love. And as for why he did what he did, that’s none of my fucking business. Next question.”

Brett Goldstein in "La Locker Room Aux Folles". Image courtesy of AppleTV+.

If Isaac’s poor behavior was just a plot device to bring out the best in both Roy and Ted- and have them convince me to forgive Isaac in the process- I’ll allow it. Ted Lasso is love, and acceptance, and respect, even in moments that we don’t relate to or understand. I could watch Sam’s hands-in chant of “I love you guys so very much!” every day.

Finally, I would be remiss not to mention Nate. I hate to see him on the dark side, but I think he’s doing something uniquely challenging by choosing goodness in a space where it’s met with so much opposition. The last few episodes have convinced me that he really is cute and charming and I want so bad for him to reach his own potential. He said himself that he owes a lot to Rupert, so taking the initiative to leave the “guy’s night” that turned out to involve Rupert setting him up with hookers took courage (a guy’s night that Rupert never tried to initiate before finding out that Nate had a girlfriend). His showing up at Jade’s door and wrapping her in a big hug made me so proud. I know Richmond will be waiting for him with open arms when he’s ready to come back, and even though we all know it’s coming, I will love seeing it happen.

How do you guys think Ted Lasso is going to wrap up its final episodes? What’s going on with the now promiscuous and mysteriously absent Doc Shannon? Is Rebecca going to have babies or what (with Sam…?)? Do you really want to eat at Ola’s or is that just me? What do you make of this being a British show built for an American audience?

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

how to do an outline? example please? its too hard to plan and i dont understand how to do.

Well, this may come out looking like gibberish, but I'll try.

We'll do "For the Love of a Woman" by me and @therealvinelle as if I try a new outline either it'll be hot garbage that would never actually turn into a fic or else a fic I'd be tempted into writing and we can't have that.

To make this more organic, we'll pretend we're going back in time, and working just from the prompt, not from the actual finished story.

So, expect this outline not to line up with what actually happened in the fic.

The Prompt

We're going to write a Jacob/Edward story today, children. The prompt is that, in a despearte bid to convince Bella to remain human (and not crush her in intercourse), Edward convinces Jacob to have sex with her in his stead. Bella cries.

The Outline Process

Outlines don't even really need to be written down, I find it useful if I want to come back later and remember what the fuck I was doing when I'm juggling five things, but it's not strictly necessary.

To me what works best is writing things down in the vague order that they happen and working towards some kind of sensible conclusion.

X happens, then Y happens, and finally Z happens.

I can then turn these smaller blurbs into actual chapters and I know exactly what I'm writing and what I should be building towards.

The Outline

First, we decide how our story starts. This is going to sound weird, but it's best to start at the beginning.

So, we're not going to have a prelude in New Moon where Jacob shows us how much he loves Bella, or Jacob in a city trying to forget Bella, or even Jacob talking to Bella.

We'll start right when Edward gets the idea talking to Jacob.

Now that we know our start, we can start bullet pointing what will happen in what order:

Jacob speaks with Bella off-screen and learns that she plans to sleep with her vampire husband on her wedding night. Jacob, in a rage, goes to confront Edward and possibly murder him.

Edward confesses that he feels he has no choice in this and sees in Jacob an opportunity: Jacob can fuck his bride in his stead! Bella loves Jacob!

Jacob doesn't like it but figures he can sabotage Edward and Bella's relationship (and have sex) so despite himself agrees.

Edward and Jacob go to confront Bella and convince her, despite Edward's bold words, this doesn't seem to go well.

Edward invites Jacob over the next morning to get a firmer answer from Bella when she's trapped at the Cullen house (courtesy of Edward stealing her car battery). Bella still isn't impressed and the Cullens find out

The Cullens confront Edward (they really don't care about Jacob). Edward is not dissuaded and worse, Carlisle is misunderstanding what's happening entirely! Gasp!

Edward and Jacob decide to get super serial: they'll have to convince Bella that Jacob's super super sexy. How will they do this? Edward will show how sexy he is.

Edward and Jacob slowly devolve into a sexual relationship that neither admits is sexual. Bella breaks off the wedding having had a peptalk from the Cullens and having Jacob and Edward make out in her room or something.

News spreads around town and Jacob gets confronted by his father/the wolves. Jacob doesn't relent and pulls his super alpha power move.

Leah still leaves because gay Jacob's still better than Sam.

Edward and Jacob don't realize the wedding's off and continue to harass Bella, she has to have Jasper protect her and this makes her look like she's cheating. This is terrible.

Edward insists on a vote on whether or not he should continue to harass Bella. He's shocked! Shocked! When the family votes that no, he should stop, almost entirely unanimously.

In Edward's despair, he seeks sexy comfort with Jacob.

Bella has to jump off a cliff and fake her suicide to become a vampire before the Volturi show up. Carlisle has to distract Edward during this time so he and Jacob will have an alibi. Edward and Jacob make out in a very public diner and don't notice Bella kills herself until it's too late.

Edward and Jacob have a spiritual wedding to Bella and each other. A lot of sex is had. They think Bella's very dead.

A funeral is had in Forks, it's terrible.

Edward and Jacob return to learn that Bella was a vampire the whole time! Edward insists the family's not falling apart but it clearly is.

Carlisle and Bella vamoose to Volterra and Jacob and Edward end up hanging out with Esme.

Some Notes

Note that not everything is here, this is really the bare bones of what we're expecting here. Some of it also didn't make it in, like the funeral which was cut.

We also got a lot more Esme in the fic and a lot more Carlisle, that part was allowed to be filled in later along with things like the shopping trip to Seattle to make Jacob look ah more appealing.

The point is to be able to map out from the beginning to the end in a way that should work. It can change as needed (probably will often) but you know where you're going and the basic idea of how to get there.

[swampstew]

A Bloody Nightmare

A compilation of short stories and character building for my OC fic "What's the Magic Word?" Basically, bonus stories to build up my fic. They include stories within the time-skip period, leading up to the current manga timeline, and even in the distant distant distant future.

Summary: Kid didn't have a clue what being a Witch meant but he's about to find out. Also, discovers he does not like Ayahuasca.

Word count: 3.7K CW: Mostly SFW, Witch lore and practice/drinking/psychedelic drug use, blood imagery and usage, OC background tied to main book. Minors do not interact with my posts or blog.

Eustass Kid was no stranger to blood or gore, he was quite familiar with it, comfortable even. Seeing Rowena covered head to toe in it as she was now, was a little…unsettling.

If it was in the heat of battle Kid would find it hot; had found it erotic enough in the past to initiate intimacy while still disheveled from said battle. Hell, he’s even found it kind of sexy when she was experiencing her period. Not even that could frighten him away from seeking her out to quell the lustful need he had for her; loved seeing it on them both during those moments.

Rowena’s hair was soaked in a slain buck’s blood, dripping thick red liquid to the dusty ground by her bare feet. Her tube top and short tulle skirt were coated in it too, her limbs and body marked with bloody streaks and rune symbols she had drawn on herself from the collection bucket. The smell of burning fur and flesh filled the air as the sacrificial pyre was lit, courtesy of Heat. With a final swipe of her thumb coating her lips in blood, she laid the digit on her tongue and sucked the iron taste off her flesh.

Kid still wasn’t entirely sure he got what was going to happen, but he begrudgingly followed Rowena’s plea to not interfere. Said fuck no to her request to have him and the crew stay on the ship while she conducted the ceremony. The others had already begun eating and drinking the mead she speed made with the help of her magic. A separate brew in a black boiling pot had begun to bubble and emit smoke that curled over the pot lip and spilled to the ground, creating a thick mist.

Rowena ladled a cup for herself and turned to the crew, “Thank you all – sincerely, for allowing me the opportunity to do this. It’s been…a long ass time since I’ve been able to freely practice my rituals. My uh emotions might run high, my magic might also get a little weird, don’t worry nothing will harm any of you. It’s like a soft rite of magic task. To show I’m worthy of possessing my natural gifts and show my faith to the natural order of the world, that balance I’m always talking about.”

She took a long sip of her drink, taking a long-suffering sigh from the taste. “Never liked this brew. Anyways, please enjoy the food, the music, and the drinks. Don’t drink this stuff though, it can be compared to Ayahuasca and if you’re familiar with that, you’ll know it’s not something that should be taken lightly.”

“We’re not pussies, Witch!” Wire yelled from the food table.

Rowena cracked a smirk at that, “That’s fair. You’re all the scariest motherfuckers I know. Ok take at your own risk. Whatever your drink of choice is, no matter how little or much you indulge, please be aware of your surroundings. If you find yourself in any kind of…state where you think something sounds too good to be true, or you find yourself unknowingly wanting to commit to something, politely decline.”

Everyone stared at her in confusion.

She let out another long-suffering sigh, “It’s not been known to happen often. In fact, I’d never seen this happen even when my coven was intact. But these rituals are intended as worship to the Master of Nature – the very essence of Chaos. Different people call Him different things, I believe some of you call Him the Sea Devil.”

EVERYONE stared at her in disbelief.

“Yeah, He’s allegedly real. I’ve never seen Him though. It was said that He used to visit these ceremonies in abundance. Approving blessings, giving them out Himself. Engaging with Witches…who He considers His daughters on the Earthly plane.”

She winced when they all kept staring at her incredulously. No matter how comfortable she felt with the Straw Hats, the Kid Pirates, Killer, Kid even – she always felt so fucking…freakish. So different.

“He hasn’t been seen in ages so there is no reason to think this time will be any different. For a single, insignificant Witch,” she dug her nails into her hand. Rowena’s ears pricked up at the sound of Kid getting upset, making his way towards her. No confidence at all, she drained her mug.

“Nevertheless, don’t make any promises or agreements of any kind tonight, or with each other either. Got it?!”

The crew and Killer nodded respectfully before resuming their activities, more warily than before. Rowena turned and grabbed another cup of her brew before Kid’s hand grabbed her wrist and forced her to drop the mug.

“Does the same apply to you?” he asked gruffly.

“I should take my own advice, yes,” she bit her tongue.

“Will you?”

She was almost afraid to meet his glare. She did and it was intense, his eyes shimmering in the reflection of the fire, making them almost look like they were fire.

Rowena gulped, “I’m just supposed to accept His grace if He gives it.”

“Why?”

“To show I’m devoted to my own power and survival. The survival of His line.”

“What would happen if you didn’t?”

Rowena scoffed at him, “I don’t know! No ones done it before and I don’t think it’d be wise to start NOW, Kid.” His grip on her wrist tightened. “Whatever you think is going to happen during this, get it out of your head right now. You told me to not hold myself back and that you’d help me be my best self.”

Kid regarded her coolly before sharply nodding, releasing his grip, and taking a step back.

“I did. Fine. Do your ritual and I swear on everything that—”

“No! Don’t make any swears, promises, nothing tonight! I just said that!”

“BUT!”

“NO!”

“FINE!” He angrily swore. “Then tomorrow morning then. And don’t you interrupt me then or I’ll kick your ass.”

Rowena tiredly nodded. So jealous.

Kid ducked his head and kissed her, licking her lips and nipping her flesh before kneeling to grab her fallen rose gold cup. He ladled himself a cup of brew and finished it in one sitting.

“Tastes terrible.”

“Oh I know it.”

Rowena pulled back from the music transponder snail as it began to play her requested songs. The electro pop tune and synth overtones was a popular song heard across the seas, a song the Kid Pirates were familiar with. Rowena walked towards the raging bonfire as the enchanting melody flowed, and she began dancing. She nodded her head and swung her hips to the beat, her eyes closed as she let go of her inhibitions in front of the others. She didn’t see the crew sprinkle in to join and dance alongside her at first. Feeling their energy buzzing with her own, hearing them sing along to the song, she cracked a smile before opening her eyes in delight. Joining them in singing the chorus as they drunkenly laughed and partied.

Kid sat on a bench, watching everyone else dance as he drank mead with a smirk on his face with his eyes transfixed on Rowena as she transitioned from anxiously awkward to freely happy. Seeing her hair whip in the air as she danced, bopping her head with a smile on her face. It made his own wretched heart feel lighter.

He figured the potion brew had finally taken effect during the next song. Rowena was tapping her heel to the drum as the lyrics queued up and he swore her entire being was enshrouded with a glowing aura that trailed after her as she swayed. As the chorus peaked she began to skip and twirl, the glowing aura raced after her, moving both in slow motion and much too fast, creating rainbow-like streaks that chased her. His neck twisted as he continued observing her and he couldn’t help but feel that she seemed so right that way. She’d never looked so magical before.

Kid wondered if the others could see what he was seeing.

He briefly hoped they couldn’t, feeling the scene was only right for his viewing.

The outro started playing and she was buzzing, light refracting off her like a firecracker as the thrum of the rock guitar sped up and she kicked her feet keeping up with the music. She looked so perfect.

‘Hmmm. Keeping thinking like that Boy, and you may yet be worthy of her,’ a low, sibilant voice rasped in Kid’s ear.

A chill fell down Kid’s spine as he turned his head and came to face to face…with himself.

Only it wasn’t quite him. This version of him had creepy eyes. An extra halo around the blood red irises. It’s posture and demeanor held a certain madness that Kid only wished he possessed. And he was already a psychotic fucking bastard!

Kid’s eyes sought out Killer to see if he noticed the mysterious figure, and saw that Killer was dancing between Rowena and Quincy, very much not paying him any attention. Kid was on his own.

‘Yes but it wouldn’t be the first time, would it? Orphan…’

Kid glared at the mirrored version of himself, “What is this?”

‘You mean you don’t recognize yourself? I am you. Your chaotic nature.’

Kid’s shaved brow raised as a weird and intense pulsing agitated his stomach. “I am chaotic, so who the fuck are you?”

The mirrored version laughed, grabbing a glass of mead for itself but not drinking it.

‘You ate one of my fruits. Always claiming things for yourself that you’re not worthy of hmm?’

“I paid a price for the fucking fruit.”

‘And what price did you pay for my Witch?’ it hissed.

“None, I don’t claim her. I chose her and she chose me back. Loophole – in your face.”

The mirrored Eustass Kid blinked, not expecting that response. Then it gave a sharp tooth filled grin.

‘You are an interesting one Eustass Kid, Son of Captain John. His soul is in hell if you cared to know.’

“I don’t.”

‘Not even if I told you he’s apologetic?’

“He’s dead yeah? His words and feelings should stay dead too.”

‘Your spirit is very much your mother’s,’ mirrored Kid let out a hoarse whisper. Kid felt his heart drop to his ass. ‘She’s in the other place, the nicer one…’

“…Thanks,” Kid wanted an antacid so fucking badly.

‘As I was saying. Your entire existence was enveloped in violence, poverty, and anger. You turned it to power and ambition. And your rage!! It’s delicious. And yet, not one demon can permeate you. It’s really such a miracle. A perfect vessel like you would do wonders but you’re simply put…unbreakable. Your sheer will is a force. A joy. I want it,’ mirrored Kid growled.

‘If you were to…bend the knee to me…I could provide you with a clear channel of raw power that you could ever hope to obtain. It would guarantee your crews’ survival with the…trials you’ll be facing. I could extend that security to her as well,’ it hissed almost sweetly.

Kid eyed the mirrored devil in shock, considering the words spoken to his mind while he sat alone on the bench while the party went on.

Another electro pop rock song played through the snail and Rowena threw her hands in the air, lazily waving them as she let her mind float as the lyrics rolled as easily as the wind in her hair. Her glassy eyes watched through half closed lids at the scene before her. The Kid Pirates celebrating her culture, dancing with her.

She could see Kid hunched over himself in worry. She could see a dark aura hovering near him.

Rowena straightened up and began to run. Her arms swung as she tried to reach him but she felt like she was running in place as the air around her whipped quickly, flushing her face with harsh snaps.

‘Leaving your own party so soon little Witch?’ a hand gripped her shoulder, digging sharp claws into her skin drawing fresh blood. ‘Best not to interrupt a private conversation.’

Rowena’s head swiveled as she realized a few pirates had dark auras trailing after them.

“No! They’re not offerings!”

‘I know that.’

“Then why??!”

‘It’s my nature.’

Rowena’s head snapped behind her and her sun-tanned face drained of color. She was looking at herself but a much more unsettling version of herself. Her stomach clenched. She knew this face, knew those double halo eyes. She knew this feeling.

‘I just can’t help it. I’m chaos, sue me.’

Alter-Rowena forcefully guided Rowena away from the fire and everyone else. ‘It’s been so long since you’ve reached out to me Rowena. You really hurt my feelings. Don’t you have any love for me anymore? You used to adore me when you were a child. You wanted to marry me, it was so cute.’

Rowena flushed at the memory that flashed through her mind. She was six, wearing a crown of thorns as the others prepared her for the signing. Where she would bloody her thumb to memorialize her vow in the Book of Names. Her devotion to Him. Rowena’s childish mind took the ceremony to be more romanticized like the fairytale stories her sisters would tell her. She thought this would be a marriage ceremony, and she remembered the faces of adoration her Coven made at her when she declared it so.

“I-I couldn’t. There was a massacre and I was enslaved for years. I couldn’t do anything like this! It is by the miracle of pirates that I have been freed and able to use my magic once more. To honor You again.”

It tsked at her. ‘I’m aware. You didn’t have to wait until the Yule to reach out. You could have done a rebirth ritual. A cleansing ritual. Either of those would have reached Me. Guess I’m feeling so starved of worship. What will you do to rebuild the Coven?’

“I was…afraid. That if I only found silence I would have felt abandoned by You too and been truly alone. I do not know. I am only just relearning my craft and pushing myself to be at the appropriate level of a Witch my age.”

Alter-Rowena gave her an irritated look, ‘I will never understand why your Coven decided to stop The Rite once you began your first menstrual cycle. It was a year of experimentation and training, and it ALWAYS yielded excellent results. You have pathetic influence over Fire and you don’t have a familiar! Do you even fly?’

“I suspect it had to do with our dwindling numbers and low mortality rate outside our island. I do not,” Rowena answered through grit teeth. The idea of forming a pact of servitude with a demon hidden in the flesh of an animal did not fill her with any comfort. It made her feel gross even before experiencing enslavement herself.

‘Tch. Ever since the War of the Witches you silly girls were scared beyond any common sense. Diluted your line by isolating yourselves from the world. Disallowing the participation of males even!’

Rowena tilted her head at that, “What War of the Witches? I’ve not been told this history.”

Alter-Rowena matched her tilt with a bewildered look. ‘The war that happened 870 years ago, of course.’

The longest awkward pause settled over them before Rowena keeled over and threw up.

Fucking brew.

Alter-Rowena pulled Rowena back by the hair and Rowena flipped backwards, falling to the ground. Her back did not meet the Earth, instead her body began to levitate in the air. Sharp claws dragged along her back tattoo as Alter-Rowena began to walk with Rowena hovering over her like a balloon.

‘I think a family meeting is in order. Use the Cornu Ignus and follow the Amaru to the Spirit World. Do not forget your first duty before your…career…in piracy is to Me. To the Natural Chaos that makes this stupid little world spin. I made you and every Witch before you to lay out My influence in the world. For every tip in the scale, Witches have been there to righten it and advance My agency. Do not fail Me, child.’

Alter-Rowena threw Rowena across the sky to the edge of the bonfire. Rowena landed and stumbled, squealing as she jumped back from the flames licking at her face.

‘You are a Witch, you should not fear Fire you should merge with it! Stick your hand in the flames and pull out a wisp.’

Rowena hesitated.

‘Do. Not. Fear. It. It is life just as much as it is death.’

Rowena shakily reached for the fire, took a deep breath, and put all her faith in the Sea Devil’s words. You are me and I am you, we are one and the same, she chanted to herself and at the fire for confidence.

With a steely gaze, Rowena thrust her hand into the blazing heat and was shocked when she didn’t feel her hand burn to a crisp. The temperature surrounding her hand climbed significantly but it did not harm her any worse than a bright sunny day on the deck of the Victoria Punk did. Just as quickly Rowena yanked her hand out and there in her hand sat a sizable flame, pulsing excitedly, matching Rowena’s own excitement.

‘Gooooooooooooood,’ Alter-Rowena purred. ‘Now. Eat it.’

“HUUHHH?!”

‘You rely on outside sources too much instead of mastering the elements. You need to imbed them into your being if you ever hope to use them more efficiently. Think of how easy it is to master air once you begin using the air in your own lungs. Did you know when you’re channeling your water magic you’re working the blood and water stored in your own body first?’

Rowena nodded her head.

‘Then eat it. All Fire born Witches are exempt from doing this because the sparks are born inside them. All other Witches must earn Fire’s respect to reside in their hearts to use.’

Rowena condensed the flame into a small ball of fire, the size of a gumball. She popped it in her mouth and swallowed. It was like swallowing a spoonful of Killer’s soup right off the stove. She felt an intense wave hit her body that settled over her chest. Like a terrible bout of heartburn. After several minutes it petered out.

‘Now blow a stream.’

Rowena turned to the bonfire and gathered as much air in her lungs as she could. She felt it heat up inside her lungs. She let out a long and flush roar of fire above the bonfire.

The crew began cheering at her with Heat following up with his own stream of fire.

‘Ahhhh look at that. He has a spark of magic, naturally gifted. What an anomaly.’

“He said he ate a pepper.”

‘False, the pepper was a catalyst. The power within him all along. He’s not one of Mine but that’s magic.’

Alter-Rowena began to fade out, coming into focus one last time, ‘I approve of your choice in husband, by the way. You have my blessing for union. Create a new generation of Witches.’ Then He was gone.

Rowena glanced around her and could see the dark aura had disappeared from everyone except Heat and Kid. She started towards the redhead. The dark aura vanished before she reached him.

“Thanks, but I don’t need Your help. I got this far without You.”

‘Tsk, foolish Boy. If you won’t accept My offer than I’ll leave you with My blessing over your coupling. Your children will be endowed with great power and abilities, and that’s even before My Grace comes into play.’

“What do you mean?”

‘You’re committing yourself to a Witch. You will bear Witch offspring. That’s how it works. You’ve not seen the last of Me. I can already feel it, they’ll be the strongest in a new era of Magic.’

Kid had not thought that far ahead when he proposed to Rowena. He knew children were on the table in the distant future but somehow he just forgot that they’d likely have some type of power from their mother passed down. Kid shrugged.

“That may be so but they’ll be mine and hers. Not Yours – not ever.”

His mirrored version glared at Kid before it faded and vanished. Rowena took the seat his mirrored version had occupied.

“Hey how are you doing?”

“Got a bit of heartburn. You too I gather from that flame you shot out! My little dragon,” he pulled Rowena into his lap.

She giggled before turning serious, “I thought I sensed something over here with you.”

“Nope, just me and my addled thoughts. This brew is fucking me up though.”

“I’m sorry! Let’s eat to soak it up and sleep it off.”

The rest of the night faded into obscurity as exhaustion took hold of the couple.

When they woke in the morning, curled on the ground and only covered by Kid’s fur coat, they took note that not one pirate made it back to the ship. Everyone was passed out on the ground. Some were even cuddling together. Killer’s hair was tangled up in Heat’s blue locs as the two spooned each other. Wire only a few feet from them and holding himself tightly as he snored. His signature cape was gone, found a few feet away where a few of the women crew members used it as a blanket.

Kid tightened his hold on Rowena, turning his tired amber eyes to her lavender ones.

“Like I was saying last night. I swear on everything I hold dear, that if that Fuck tries to make you do anything that makes you uncomfortable, I’ll rip His damn tail off and shove it down His throat.”

Rowena smiled at Kid and nuzzled into his embrace. “We’re good on that front.” She stilled for a moment before daring to ask, “Were you…visited by anything last night?”

Kid regarded her calmly before sighing, “Nope, pretty boring on my end. The brew fucked me up though, never drinking that shit again.”

They laughed quietly together while the crew lightly stirred as the sunrise began to break through the cloudy, overcast sky.

“Told you it wasn’t meant to be taken lightly.”

“I ain’t a bitch!”

“Hmm, no you’re not. You’re anything but, Eustass Kid.”

Kid leaned down to kiss her, nosing her cheek before softly whispering, “That’s fucking right, honey.”

[eddiegettingshot]

i have so many thoughts on ryan and where he stands on buddie. his interview answers are def sketch sometimes, but i do think he gets a lot of blame for things he can't control and for answers that i feel like a lot of actors tend to give. like a few things he's said have felt a little ick bc he always seems to come back to not being labeled That Way (that way being gay, you can say it ryan) when hes vulnerable. and how being vulnerable doesnt have to mean you're less of a man. but like being gay ALSO doesn't make you less of a man so. lol. anyways i think hes got some eh viewpoints on it, but i don't think they're bad enough that he'd actively block the storyline if thats where they're wanting to go? like? he literally played a gay hookup in a movie, so??

and even if he is super opposed to it, surely he doesn't have that kind of power. i dunno. this is mostly just me processing. his answers do sometimes get me overthinking, but how much of it is just PR lines or word salad trying to not give false hope or at least just be ambiguous and noncommittal?

a lot of this fandom has decided he's irredeemable trash because of the stuff he did a few years ago, and it def wasn't great, but he's apologized and people can change. at the end of the day we don't KNOW any of these people actually. they could all be the actual worst but really good at hiding it. that's why i don't put too much stock in feeling any kind of way about actors in general. but yeah, the honing in on ryan is weird to me ig bc, at this point, his vibes seem SO good when he's on set with everyone sooo...

yup lol like some of those interview answers ARE super annoying i totally see it but it's like everyone talks out of both sides of their mouth and exaggerates all the time and sometimes i get the sense that he's literally just saying the things he wants people to hear because it's like an Important Message or whatever so frankly at this point the interviews are just like a big whatever to me. because like. they're working! when they were pushing buddie hard it was like omg buddie! and now they've pulled back on buddie and it's like no buddie :( and functionally nothing on the show really changed lol. maybe he has that power or maybe not although i maintain that if he did have a choice it would be a courtesy more than anything. 🤷🏾‍♀️

but anyway my clowning has never been about whether i actually think they're going to do it and more about whether i want/expect them to do it and why and what ryan wants makes pretty much zero difference to me on that front.