#Well I haven't seen him in almost 5 years. He doesn't care about me. I would want to fucking kill him if I saw him

[suburbanlegnd]

I feel like I deserve a gold star every time I manage to get through the simplest conversation with my family members without splitting on them

[mono-dot-jpeg]

tiny exception [pt. 2] - stellaron hunter crew

summary; there's one little exception to the rules of the stellaron hunters...

genre/extra tags; one shot, fluff, a lot of fluff, comedy, children are menaces but it's okay, blade will be punting a kid (/j), rich aunt kafka, silver wolf doesn't know how to handle kids

[platonic] [5-7 year old reader] [gender neutral reader]

[buy me a kofi to support!]

word count; 615

a/n; finally i have finished the part two of this iconic work bc someone requested it. hope you enjoy!

[rule 1; don't bother blade]

this rule really should be obvious. it really should, but kids don't listen to obvious rules.

"why are you so grumpy?"

"because of you."

"that's mean. you're really mean." you sit right on his lap because you felt stubborn today. "and you're stupid." silver wolf stifles a laugh at the sight before her. you and blade glare at each other as you poke at his face like a cat. "and ugly."

"i think you're talking about yourself." anyone who didn't know blade would think, man, he doesn't like this kid. but from the way he holds you gently and the tiny glint of playfulness in his eyes as he talks to you.

"you're so rude! i'm gonna tell kafka!"

you push yourself against him in a weak attempt to tackle him. he only carries you, hands under your armpits as you struggle in his hold.

"you're a little snitch, you know that?" he holds you like a baby this time as you're still kicking your legs and trying to squirm out of his grip to get a chance to get to kafka.

"because you're a big meanie! a big butthead!"

"yeah, yeah."

[rule 2; don't go in kafka's room]

there wasn't really anything incriminating in there. she just didn't like people invading her space and it was normal. but there's always those little exceptions.

"auntie!" you knock on her door, almost a little too loudly. she does open the door, not really fazed since she knows your loud knocks from anywhere.

"what is it, dear?" she's tiredly picking you up, it's clear that she's had a long day but by aeons, she wasn't gonna let that stop her from caring for you.

"can i sleep with you tonight.." you're a little bit embarrassed. you usually stay with silver wolf as her late night working sessions usually help you fall asleep but you haven't seen kafka in the past few days.

"of course you can. i would never say no." her hand pats against your back, comforting you and starting to lull you into a sleep. she lets you rest your head on her shoulder, humming, "i'll be doing a little bit before we lay down. just sleep, baby."

"i like your room, auntie.. i like being with you." you mumbled tiredly. you rest against her as she sits down at her desk, still holding you.

"i like being with you too."

[rule 3; let silverwolf focus when she's playing her games]

something about children and always wondering what games you got on your phone always has silverwolf reeling away from you when she goes to play her games. it took her longest to get used to your bright presence. honestly, children were not really any of their forte. you were an unexpected (yet expected) part of the crew even if you didn't do much (yet).

she usually kept herself away but today was different. she offered to play with you. as it was almost out of character of her, you immediately accepted. and you played a two player co-op game. she was more focused than you were but you didn't mind.

you weren't doing well in the game as your character died multiple times during this boss battle (that was set to medium for you but co-op gave it more health and different battle patterns). you watched as silverwolf tried her best to pull through.

"you can do it!" you had said in the heat of the moment, but her finger slipped and you both lost. "i'm sorry!"

she's a little bit frustrated being so close to the end but she lets out a tired sigh. "it's okay."

[assassinnumber9]

TwiYor's Love Languages

So as you guys may or may not know, a little over a year ago I published a fanfic on Archive of Our Own called Loid Forger is NOT A Cuddler, which is basically just 5 chapters (so far) of Loid cuddling and denying it.

It's practically an essay for how his love language is physical touch.

And while I do like to joke about how Loid Forger is a cuddler and whatnot because of my fanfic and headcanon, this most recent manga chapter of Spy x Family gives me a perfect opportunity to talk about this headcanon and why it's in line with Twilight's character as well as Yor's own love language and how they relate.

We'll look at the obvious and pretty much explicitly stated first.

Yor's Love Language: Acts of Service

As previously mentioned, she basically says it outright. Her growing feelings toward Loid are much more obvious than his, and so it's easy to point out that her wanting to help him and have him rely on her is both a way for her to care/love him outwardly and a way for her to know he's accepting of that love.

I think Loid being the one to rely on her also makes her feel even more loved/trusted/confident, because Loid Forger is just so perfect at anything and everything he tries. From the outside, he really doesn't need any sort of help from anyone.

And, Twilight would likely agree. He's confident in his abilities and doesn't seem to want help from anyone as far as we've seen. The only missions he shares are the ones where more than one person is really needed.

Fiona could be potentially seen as someone he accepts help from, except that her help is more of an employee to an employer (or inferior to superior in their case.

And Franky... acts almost like a brother to Twilight? So like, they just force each other to help. Neither of them are accepting any kind of help, just going, "You're doing this."

All this to say that Yor is the only one that Twilight accepts and asks for help from. In the latest chapter, we see Twilight is comfortable enough to ask her.

And, she's ecstatic at hearing him ask for it.

She gets to finally show her love the way she knows how - the way she showed Yuri during her childhood.

Now for Loid Forger, rather Twilight.

Twilight's Love Language: Physical Touch

So far in the story, we have not seen much in terms of love when it comes to Twilight.

Emotions, and love especially, are weaknesses for spies unlike assassins, where emotions and attachments can be seen as strengths. Both fight for their respective loved ones, but the former has to do so hidden under a mask without being caught and the other is able to outwardly express these protective instincts through their actions (assassinations).

So, Twilight, like the great spy he is, hides his love.

You could possibly argue his love language is the same as Yor's (acts of service), but his acts are to keep her happy to ensure she stays with him (ie actually for the mission).

He also seems to give words of affirmation as well, but he only does so when he needs to provide them.

Gifts and Quality time can also be crossed out, because we don't really see him giving Yor gifts and we haven't seen him really go "I need to be with Yor more" yet. The only time we ever saw him think of her when they weren't together was during the cruise arc. But that’s not enough solid evidence for that specific one yet.

Also keep in mind that we haven't seen him express any of these languages to anyone else either.

There is one language we do have solid proof for, and of course that's physical touch.

While no, it's not proof that features Yor or even Anya.

We both hear and see it when it comes to his mother.

He explicitly states that he loved being held by her.

While this story was meant to show his mother's strength as a person, it confirms that loving physical touch was a large part of his childhood

Because he remembers it

Twilight remembers loving being held by her.

He can't remember her face, or his father's face, and is even flustered and confused after his PTSD flashback when he was unconscious. His memories are covered in trauma, and I believe one of the only reasons why he can remember what his friends looked like are because he saw them later in life.

It's hinted that he remembers very little of his childhood - likely due to the trauma.

But his mother holding him stayed with him.

Physical touch was an influential thing during his childhood.

Like Yor's love language during hers.

I would really like to believe that we'll see him learn to love touch again when he finally learns to accept his emotions, and in turn, his "weaknesses" (which will likely be turned to strengths).

And Yor being strong, a trait he remembers of his mother, only strengthens my theory that he'll learn to love physical touch again.

Because, he'll once again be able to know that everything is fine when he's holding her - just as he felt with his mother.

[red-hot-kick]

Theory: Ryuji was popular, before.

I'm not entirely sure if anyone has really talked about this but I maintain my interpretation that, in the canon of Persona 5, Ryuji used to be very (or at least moderately) popular prior to the events of the story.

This is something I've gotten into before when talking to friends who like the game and the character, but I haven't really considered writing it down until now. The main argument I have is based on three things:

Things Ryuji alluded to in canon (but no one believed him on)

The deliberate choice of making him a track athlete

Typecasting for voice actors

1: "There were girls all over me!"

I don't really have the time to go on a deep dive through all the instances in which he hints at his reputation before the Kamoshida incident, but I think the most clear-cut representation of this was during the scene where he and Ann spend the day with Futaba during her post-palace social rehabilitation:

So here's the thing...I don't think he's lying about this. Nobody in the room would be that impressed to find out whether Ryuji was popular since they are already friends (or in Mona's case, he really just doesn't care), so it wouldn't make sense for him to lie.

Regarding everyone's reactions though, here's my impression: Ann was simply not aware of what was going on with the track team, being predominantly focused on dealing with rumors, her friendship with Shiho, and her modeling career (and eventually Kamoshida's advances once he started doing that shit) and she mentions a few times that she and Ryuji weren't actually close before joining the PT; they were just in the same class in middle school. Futaba hasn't interacted with anyone her age in years and isn't the most reliable source when it comes to what people generally find attractive; just because she doesn't have any interest in Ryuji doesn't mean that nobody her age would. And Morgana is a cat that brags constantly about how cool he is, so he shouldn't be throwing rocks.

There are many other times in the game when you get little glimpses of his social savvy, and from my understanding of Royal (I'm an OG vanilla P5 player and haven't done 3rd-semester yet, so don't kill me) when the track team returns to "how it was", he is getting along extremely well with everyone. Not only was he the team's ace: this kid was also expected to become the captain by his senior year (as briefly mentioned when he bumps into his former senpai at the gym, iirc). That's huge! If his team held him in such high regard, then the general student body of Shujin surely had a similar opinion. This brings me to my next point:

2: Girls like boys that run fast(???)

This is honestly something that baffles me. It's also really difficult for me to substantiate; any source material on this is obviously in Japanese and if I could find any of it, I sure as hell can't read it. The only English-language source I know of I cannot find anymore; I think it was an old Tofugu article? However. If you've watched any romance anime set in a high school during the last 20 years, you might have seen this trope at some point: the school sports festival is happening, and the relay race is kind of a huge deal (it's the final event! a make-or-break moment for the class!). The boy thinks to himself "If I win this race, I'll be able to win her heart/ask her out/etc." Low-stakes drama ensues. Maybe a confession happens.

This is (from what I've been told) based on a long-standing trend of girls and women self-reporting in surveys about how, oftentimes, their crushes in junior or senior high school were simply "the boy who ran the fastest in the races". I have no idea what this means in a broader cultural context. It makes no goddamn sense to me at all. Do not cite me on this. But I think it's worth keeping in mind, even if it's almost entirely speculative (and possibly outdated) information. And even if it's just based on rumors, don't you think it's pretty in-character for Ryuji to go for a track scholarship—despite being adept at other sports like baseball and football/soccer, as mentioned in P5 and P5D—because he was aware of the potential of being more popular with girls? Of course, his priority would be getting the scholarship and paying his way through school to lighten his mother's burden, but hey, getting a girlfriend on the way up wouldn't be half bad!

I think this could also inform us as to why Kamoshida (as a predator who wanted attention from high school girls) felt so threatened by the track team in particular, and why he felt a need to specifically knock Ryuji down a peg and sought out a weakness to do so (as opposed to targeting any of the probably just-as-popular boys on the many other athletic teams and clubs in the school). Just some food for thought on this one! Also, if anyone can find a source or has any insight on the relay race thing, please share. I am so confused about it.

3: Typecasting

So this is something that you really only notice if you are very into keeping up with seiyuu in Japan. I am not one of those people. But I do have some favorite voice actors! One of these being Mamoru Miyano.

So I freakin' love this dude. He's voiced a lot of my favorite characters, sings incredibly well, and has an unreal sense of comedy. He's stated in interviews that his acting inspiration is Jim Carrey, and let me tell you: it shows. He is also quite consistently typecast into certain roles, predominantly as princely pretty-boy types, Coolguys, or complete fucking nutcases. Sometimes all three at the same time (shoutout to my boy Ling FMA!)

ATLUS definitely cast him for P5 because of his comedic chops. But I think they also cast him because having him voice someone like Ryuji is a great way to subvert expectations for the player. I think it's supposed to give you whiplash—"what do you mean the voice of LIGHT FUCKING YAGAMI is coming out of this guy's mouth?" "why does the delinquent character sound like king of the host club Tamaki Suou?" "isn't that Rin Matsuoka's voice?" etc. etc. etc.

(here's a quick list, just to really get the idea across. maybe you recognize a few.)

This is obviously a non-comprehensive list, but something that a lot of the characters he's voiced over the years have in common is that they were considered cool, handsome, or popular. Not just for fans, but within the canon of their stories! So...what does that mean? What does that say about how we should see Ryuji?

I think players are supposed to expect that he will fall into one of those categories too, and then be surprised to find that it's not the case—that he's been isolated and made bitter and resigned by what happened to him the year before.

Speaking of his tone, I think it's very telling that Ryuji actually forgets to keep up the delinquent act a lot in the original JP audio, which unfortunately doesn't really carry over in the ENG translation. The delivery of his JP lines sounds a bit more subdued in comparison too—yeah he's got a lot of energy and is very hotheaded, but when he gets to talking about serious shit, he sounds a lot more regretful and melancholy as opposed to the EN delivery which depicts him as more resentful and outwardly angry. I think before Shit Went Down, he probably had the Coolguy vibe. Still a bit of a rowdy idiot and a showoff, but I think he probably came across to most people as a very friendly, sincere, and popular guy.

So yeah, the girls probably were all over him, at least for a short while.

[phantom-of-the-501st]

Thoughts on TBB 3x15

Here we go... one last time

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

Honestly thought I was going to be late to the episode but I actually work up at 8:01 am today so I am just a couple mins behind everyone else.

Am I prepared? Absolutely not.

Well that's an ominous noise. Always a good way to start 😰

The Kiner soundtrack is popping off as usual

I just need Hemlock to die

Indispensable? I'm not sure about that, mate. A lot of people have realised the Empire don't need them and I'm fairly certain you are on the list of people who can be ditched

Hahahahahaha the way the droid just starts looming behind her is kinda hilarious

OMEGA'S THEME 😭

Wrecker, bud, be careful...

Look at Omega sneaking around. She's so grown up! 🥲

ZILLOBEAST TIME

"Because that's exactly what I'd do" He's such a proud mum

THE WAY THE TROOPERS COME FLYING OUT OF THE FOG

"Clone Force 99 died with Tech`' well there goes my heart. I think this also explains why we haven't really heard the Batch theme since season 2. That theme was for CF 99 and if that doesn't truly exist anymore...

"It's what I deserve" CROSSHAIR DON'T DO THIS TO ME

"Echo's handiwork or Omega's?" "Omega's." I'M DYING

Omega's theme in this soundtrack is just 🤌

Oh great. We have a whole group of Clone Xs to contend with.

I just need all of the Batch together so that we can get the theme. I know I said earlier that we probably never got it because of a lack of Tech but I still stand by the fact that we deserve to hear it one last time.

These CX soldiers almost feel like a parallel to the Batch. One slightly larger, more hand-to-hand combat oriented soldier, one who fights with blades, a sniper, ONE WHO IS VERY TECH SAVVY 👀

WRECKER AAAAAAHHHH THIS IS NOT GOOD

NOT THE HAND

WTF?!

HELP

NO

THIS IS NOT GOOD 😰

Fuuuuuccckkk Echo's seen them down

"Causing chaos, Havoc 5?" HE'S STILL MAKING QUIPS IN THIS SITUATION I LOVE HIM

"Hey, kid. And... other kids." PLEASE 😭

"We'll meet you there" YOU BETTER DO

Echo and Omega teaming up is everything I ever needed ❤️‍🩹

Hemlock needs to die a slow, painful death

ECHO'S SPEECH FEELS LIKE THE SPEECH HE AND FIVES GAVE DURING THE ATTCK ON KAMINO I FEEL SICK

Rampart looking sus...

This feels like this isn't going as terribly as it could be and that scares me

Aw ☹️ bye, Nala Se. I never really loved you but it's sad to see you go

HAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU, RAMPART

AAAAAAAHHHH ECHO GOT STABBED

You know what I said 2 seconds ago about it not being terrible? I think I spoke too soon...

YES WRECKER

I'm not liking the position Echo is stuck in rn. That stresses me out 😥

We're not exactly in top form but hey, an attempt is being made

ECHO BE CAREFUL

Soooo... I get the feeling CX-2 isn't Tech...

AW NO SCORCH

FUCK YES!!! Bye Hemlock 👋

THE LOOK ON CROSSHAIR'S FACE WHEN SHE HUGS HIM AAAAAHHHH

Tarkin is not going to be a happy bunny

Oop we got a Project Stardust mention

THE SHOW ENDING WITH THEM ON PABU??? LIKE AN ACTUAL SOMEWHAT HAPPY ENDING???

I'm crying

Actually sobbing

That shot of them all sat by the tree 😭😭😭

A FUCKING EPILOGUE KMN

I can't breath

SHE REMINDS ME OF PHEE AAAAHHH

GONKY!!! 🥹

OLD HUNTER?!

Omega is joining the Rebellion? 🥺

Crosshair, Hunter and Wrecker all got to live to an old age in relative peace I'm in so many tears rn

Okay but if Echo isn't with the others at this point then where is he??? PLEASE TELL ME HE'S STILL AROUND

TECH'S GOGGLES?!

I'm not okay on any level

Okay, so overall, I'm relatively satisfied with the ending. I also cried about as much as I would have done if they all died so my emotions are still all over the place. Do I think every question we had came to a satisfying conclusion? Not quite. But I think we tied up enough loose ends for me to be content.

And I'm happy they got a somewhat happy ending. Knowing that they get to live a life in relative peace makes me happy, and we know that Hunter, Wrecker and Crosshair at least make it another few years. Omega joining the Rebellion also seems apt. As an Echo girly I unfortunately don't feel quite as secure with where we left off. I don't have the same level of closure that I do with the others because we know that around this point in time, he isn't with Rex. But he also isn't with the Batch either. I hope we get to see more of him in future projects because I don't quite feel satisfied with this being the end of his story. He's doing too much for it to stop there.

Also... we were wrong about Tech. The level of delusion we carried throughout this season, my god. 😭 But it means I'm confused by some of their choices. The way they focused on being savvy with technology, the way he moves being similar to Tech, FUCKING DOMICILE??? Like, they have to have known that we would all go that way with our theories so why??? If it wasn't him they why was he written the way he was? I refuse to believe everything we thought was purely out of delusion. Does this mean I have issues with the way Tech's story ended? Yes. But overall I think the show wrapped up fairly well.

I'll try and drop some more thoughts later down the line once I've pulled myself together a bit, but for now I can say that I am content. Completely satisfied? Not really, but definitely content.

[mono-blogs-art]

incredible chaser game w moments (part 2) up to & incl. episode 4

the most homophobic breakup you've ever seen. just, unholy behavior. on fucking god itsuki i know you had good intentions but you're the worst for doing it like that !!!!!!!!! at least let her down easy !!!!! if i was 22 and my gf of 4 years did that to me i'd fucking go insane as well

the elevator stopped working ➡️ you are trapped in with the person you hate ➡️ you are forced to sit it out and face your fears together, ultimately bringing you closer both emotionally & physically. i love this trope and i didn't know i needed it here, but it was great. step 1 to the meowmeow-ification of fuyu complete

my prediction of itsuki running into & taking care of little tsuki and the two of them then being found by fuyu, resulting in an awkward and heartbreaking scene, came true exactly like that. i think this scene was genuinely so well done and well acted, it broke my heart. i think this was the scene that really got me to say Damn, I'm invested in this now...

^ I'm still waiting for Itsuki to bring up the similar names in conversation though. like you need to talk about that

"ohhh harumoto-san, so you're part of that team?" - itsuki (sweating in closeted lesbian): "huh? what? n-no, of course not- I'm--" - "Don't worry, it's all good, we're all into BL too!!!" ➡️falsely coming out as a yaoi fangirl to your coworkers to avoid having to talk about your own sexuality. LMAO

^ this scene only being a setup so fuyu can be homophobic on main is what makes it even funnier

why. in every gods name. would you go to your boss' home address. why on earth would you do that. at least itsuki was self-aware about it too. girl you are SO unwell

every time fuyu has kissed itsuki of her own initiative, it has been when she was drunk... can we remedy that for future episodes, please? not that consent has been an issue, their mutual feelings are obvious, but i think she should be making a move when she doesn't have any liquid courage in her. step up your fucking game, fuyu

"she's a classic tsundere, after all" - fuyu, who has been severly harassing her subordinates at work (again, there seems to be no HR department at this company) being written off as a "tsundere" by the rest of the team - I mean, you're not wrong, but you should still file a complaint against her.

fuyu's husband Kouu is the nicest man on earth. my man doesn't deserve ANY of this. he even calls her dongyu. he even calls his wife by her real fucking name like the bar is so low

fuyu treats him so badly too, man, i genuinely felt bad watching it. were the 5 years of marriage all like this? was he always just a means to you getting your revenge? i'm sick. i hope they can make up by the end of the show and have a real conversation about their feelings and relationship.

that aside, i do have some theories on kouu, his disappearance, and his own feelings as well, but i'm keeping that to myself atm...

fuyu & itsuki keep having insanely homoerotic moments in front of god and everyone on earth, I'm starting to believe the only person with a gaydar in this company is the photographer from the other office. the fact that you two haven't been found out yet is honestly a massive plot hole (lmao)

has itsuki eaten anything else but sweets (cake, in particular?) on screen yet? apart from the homemade meal at the hayashi's, whenever there's a scene of her alone or with her grandma, she's always eating cake. i wonder if it will come up at some point, but it's just something i noticed. no shade though girl i'm also (almost) 27 and if you wanna eat cake for dinner alone at home I'm your nr1 supporter

i'm never a fan of the trope of a bilingual character breaking out into their native tongue for swearing or just randomly, but it is fun that only fuyu does it and that all the other chinese characters just don't speak mandarin at all. and i'm happy they actually cast a bilingual actress for fuyu!

episode 4 was the mid-series finale, and it definitely showed. this was the best episode so far by a pretty significant margin imo.

the. silent pleading fuyu puts on to make itsuki stay at the hayashi house. the most fucking 🥺*twirling my hair cutely* AND IT WORKS TOO BECAUSE ITSUKI IS JUST AS INSANE AS YOU ARE

i would like to talk about the best scene of this show yet. i really wished it was longer and was given even more weight. in episode 4, fuyu & itsuki are sitting in the living room together at night, so far apart that they're completely out of each other's camera shots even. i found this to be the most interesting scene so far. there was genuine tension in the shot composition, the acting, the complete absence of music. just silence and their voices. "after all, it was all my fault, wasn't it? that we ended up like this?" fuyu still deep down believes that she was the reason their relationship failed. she wasn't enough, because she's fuyu, because she's a woman. she still thinks that. my heart fucking broke in two

their fight after fuyu came back home drunk was so funny. especially with their height difference... hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby

after finally learning the truth about their break-up, fuyu is absolutely devastated. "you valued your promise to my mother more than the one you made to me?" just completely broken. after all this time sitting with these unresolved emotions, feelings of guilt and deep shame, only for that to be the reason? I feel so bad for her

the mutual love confession!!!!! i'm honestly a bit surprised it came so early, i thought they were just going to sleep together and not talk emotions first. but i'm not gonna complain (i just love mess) i'm also devastated that itsuki used suki while fuyu used the word aishiteru. my friends it's so bad for me right now (and them)

did. they. fuck. on. the. floor. in. the. living room.

i hope so because 1) hot and 2) although i'm still unsure as to the exact room situation of the hayashi household, don't they all have one shared bedroom??? isn't the bedroom that they're in after they've had sex (hopefully in the living room) the same one we've previously seen, where the kid also sleeps????? WHERE WAS THE KID ITSUKI. WHERE. WAS. THE. KID. WE KNOW SHE'S WITH YOU BECAUSE THAT WAS THE WHOLE REASON YOU STARTED FIGHTING!!!!!

if you had sex while your kid was sleeping soundly in the same room i'm sending both of you to superhell. i'm praying you guys just have a totally identical bed in another room. please.

if it wasn't the same bed we've previously seen from tsuki's room, that means you guys fucked in the marriage bed, which is only slightly less gonna get you sent to superhell.

in any case, happy lesbian sex to them. i know neither of you have known the touch of a woman in the past 5 years so it was probably intense. drink a lot of water in episode 5, alright? jesus.

it was also quite funny that the scriptwriter for the show tweeted out a few hours before this episode aired that "itsuki has always taken the leader position in their relationship" and that "you should watch episode 4 with this in mind" and we were all like. oh so you're telling me that fuyu is a bottom? you're telling me water is wet? fork found in kitchen??????

their lil afterglow convo in bed was just perfectly sweet. 1 point to fuyu, now presumably much more sobered up, for having the courage to ask if itsuki's gonna stay the night after all. girl you don't have to ask. i think she's ready for another 12 rounds. she's not going anywhere.

the line delivery of the "alright" (i'm gonna stay) oh my god. oh my god... oh. oh.

the meowmeow-ification babygirl-ification of fuyu is now complete

in the preview for ep5, fuyu is wearing a mixture of white and black clothes. girl... it was that good, huh?????

in conclusion:

i had a lot of thoughts on this one and i've found great joy in going deep into the twt tags for it as well. and i'm glad to see many japanese sapphics also being super vocal about the show. it's really interesting to read and interact with that side of the fandom i haven't really seen in this capacity for a (lesbian) live action show yet. i see people slowing down & brightening up footage to analyse who's taking each other's clothes off first, people just posting close-ups of Yuuka's hands, people going into Yurika's past filmography to dig up ancient clips of other sapphic roles she's played (of which there seem to be actually quite a lot?). i love to see it lmao. on a more serious note, it makes me happy to see sapphics from so far away expressing themselves similarily to myself or my other lesbian friends. it's cute!! as for cgw, part b of the series is gonna be intense, and i'm especially curious to see how they're gonna do the inevitable breakdown of fuyu again. my girl is so deep in the trenches, her temporary being on cloud 9 right now is gonna be short-lived and i want to see it happen. i hope she can really stand up for herself and make things right after all!

[cosmic--dandelion]

I've seen people call Stolas everything from a weepy damsel in distress to straight up lobotomized in season 2, but overall, I like his character arc in the most recent episodes.

It takes a lot of courage and conviction to stand up to someone who's abused you for almost twenty years. Stolas knows full well he'll be punished by the rest of the Goetia for this, but he's done being trapped in this miserable, loveless marriage.

It's genuinely disturbing to see so many people try to pretend that Stell isn't abusive. Even before the affair, we see her start insulting him the second he walks into the room. She throws a huge party with all the Goetia royalty and spends the whole time LOUDLY mocking him for not being able to perform in bed. Keep in mind that he was literally FORCED to produce an heir. The man is either gay or so physically and mentally repulsed by his wife that he has to dissociate while she's "doing everything herself". It's non-consentual for both of them, and she's laughing at him for being supremely unenthusiastic and probably traumatized over it.

Yeah, he cheated on her. She has a right to be pissed at that. But the reasonable thing to do would be to divorce HIM, not threaten him when he tries to get to leave.

If it wasn't completely obvious by her yeeting this poor bastard at mach 5, she's more embarssed that Stolas was having an affair with an IMP, a lower lifeform as far as she's concerned, than genuinely hurt at his unfaithfulness.

Based on what we've seen so far, she's been shoving all the parenting duties onto Stolas for Octavia's entire life.

("But it was probably just Stolas's turn!" I hear you say. "I'm sure Stella's a GREAT mom off screen, we just haven't seen any hint of it for a season and a half!" That is NOT how visual storytelling works. This scene was written and drawn the way that it is for a reason. It's trying to tell us something about the characters and their relationships. And the fact remains that Stolas hugged and comforted Octavia and sang her a lullaby while Stella, who refers to her daughter as "that egg that dropped out of me" just rolled over and went back to sleep.

Stella is by default a bad mother for hiring an assassin to kill Stolas. Losing her father is Octavia's very worst fear, and Stella doesn't even care what kind of effect it would have on the girl. Stolas getting distracted arguing with his ex-wife and forgetting to take Octavia to see a meteor shower kind of pales in comparison.

Stolas isn't perfect, and he's still kind of a shitty person, but he's making at least some effort to fix his past mistakes. He tried to get an Asmodean crystal for Blitzø so he wouldn't have to sleep with him to keep his business afloat. He stopped calling Blitzø humiliating pet names like "my little imp". He took the hint after "Loo Loo Land" and "Seeing Stars" and stopped flirting with Blitzø and fighting with Stella in front of Octavia. He helped Asmodeus stay calm during Fizzarolli's hostage negotiation and prevented him from getting taken advantage of by Crimson's sleazy lawyer, even after Asmodeus refused to help him.

That's character development, baby.

[spider-jaysart]

Young age au:

9 year old Tim: Drawing in his notebook at his bedroom desk

5 year old Damian, peeking at what his older brother is doing: What are you doing?

Tim, immediately slamming his notebook closed in surprise: Nothing!

Tim, seeing that it's just his little brother behind him: Hey, what are you doing spying on me in my room? Didn't you read the sign on my door? (Points at bedroom door)

Damian, looking up at Tim: I did, and it said "Damien is not allowed in my room at all" but you spelled my name "Damian" with an e, and I'm not Damien, so that rule doesn't apply to me

Tim, faceplaming at his accidental spelling mistake on the sign and for his brother creating reasons for why he can indeed walk into his room without permission: Ugh! You're still not allowed in here!

Damian, crossing his arms: You took my art pencil and still haven't given it back to me!

Tim, pointing at his bedroom door once again: Well I don't know where it is, so just go away!

Damian, becoming upset with this, as he begins to ball his hands into little fists: No! Mother gave me that pencil as a gift for me to draw with and you took it from me! Give it back!

Tim, now seeing that his little brother isn't gonna just leave the room without a fight, since this pencil of his wasn't just a random pencil and actually meant something to his little bro: (Sigh) Fine! If I give it back, will you leave me alone and leave my room?

Damian nods in response with his arms crossed

Tim, getting up from his chair: Alright, I'll go get it for you

After looking through some of his pencil holders, he finally finds the pencil and turns back to go give it to him

Tim, walking back to Damian with the pencil in his hand: Here, I found it, now you can go- Hey! What are you doing??!!

Damian, who was looking through Tim's notebook while he was busy searching for the pencil: Just observing

Tim, quickly closing his notebook back and rudely handing Damian back his pencil, almost shoving him away as he hurriedly did so: Not in my notebook!! That's private! Just leave and go back to whatever it was that you were doing over there!

Damian, still standing behind his brother, ignoring his request to leave the room: Were you drawing anime and the Justice League members?

Tim, glancing at his brother as he's grumpily laying his face on his notebook: ....Yeah, so? Why do you care?

Damian: I also saw that you drew Alfred the cat

Tim, after a moment of silence and some thought, begins to open up his notebook once again, revealing to Damian the page of his pet cat for him to completely see, along with some of the other drawings in the page that he had recently seen

Tim, as he let's Damian look at the drawings once again: .... They're all just little random doodles really, I just.... don't really like anyone looking at them cause I'm not really that good at making them, so it's kinda embarrassing for me when someone sees it

Damian, looking at them: I'd say it's not so bad but there are some improvements that could be made. For example, Hal's arms should be shorter, they're going too far past down his legs and knees and Sailor Moon's head should be smaller instead of how big you drew it and you shouldn't be giving everyone such big jaws, it doesn't help, you should also start looking at anatomy or references for drawing muscles, cause it looks you just drew circles on everyone's arms and stomachs, which doesn't make it look a lot like actual muscles

Tim, looking at his drawings, thinking about how it would look with Damian's advice: .... That...That might actually help me

Damian then walks away to leave the room

Tim, in his desk chair, turning around to his brother before he can leave: Hey, maybe.... you could help me learn how to make the rest of my drawings look better

Damian, after giving Tim a short glance, leaves the room anyways, leaving his older brother alone with a confused and a bit of a sad expression on his face, since he had hoped that this could've been something that they both could have bonded over together but before he can turn back to his desk to sulk, Damian comes back running into the room with a sketchbook in his hands and with Alfred the cat behind him

Damian, holding his big sketchbook in front of him, with his art pencil in hand too: I need a chair, I can't reach the desk

Later, Bruce goes upstairs to check up on them both

He peeks into Tim's bedroom and sees the unexpected sight of him and Damian both drawing together at the desk there in the room, talking to eachother without yelling or fighting for once as they are also both showing eachother their drawings, while Alfred the cat is resting on the bed

Bruce, looking through the bedroom doorway: Alfred, do you see this?

Alfred, next to Bruce: Yes, it seems the boy's are getting along quite well, Sir

Bruce: Huh, you can see it too, so I guess i'm not just imagining things after all. Well, this is good then, I like seeing them get along instead of the usual fights between them

A happy smile then begins to grow on his face as he continues to watch the warm sight between his two son's. He then happily walks away, not wanting to interrupt their rare bonding moment, he decides that he'll just come back later to remind them about dinner

[claire-elvisgirl]

A Growing Lily - pt. 2

Hope you like part 2...let me know what you think! And part 3. Is almost ready!

Word count: 3435

Summary: You’re divorced. Elvis takes you and you little daughter to live with him. 13 years after he acts like a perfect possessive and jealous father.

Warnings: +18, mention of booze, authoritarian fathership, rebellion, relationship step-father/daughter

-‐-----------------

13 years after...

In the first years your life was exactly as you expected. Lily was growing and you and Elvis were united as ever. But thirteen years could change even the most perfect couple. He was always caring and loving with you and Lily, but you seemed to have lost the joy of loving him, even if you would never leave him. You were so grateful to him for saving you, for giving you the new life you deserved and now you simply couldn’t tell him that things have changed a little for you.

Lily had turned into a beautiful 18 year-old girl and she was Elvis’ real joy. He spent most of his time with her, spoiling her and cuddling her as his little princess.

One day he got back home and find Lily on the couch, reading a book. He leaned down behind her and kissed her head: “How's my favorite little girl doing tonight?”

“She gasped surprised: “Elvis...you scared me! I’m good... you alright?”. After she turned 15 she wouldn’t be able to call him daddy again. She was growing and he was getting older too. He was 35.

Lily grabbed his hand as he seated next to her on the couch: “Where's mama? I haven't seen her all day...is she ok?”

He looked at her seriously: “She's upstairs in bed and do me a favour, darlin', don't bother her, alright?”. You asked him to let you sleep. You hadn’t felt well all the night and you were so sleepy that you had to recover. Lily looked at him worried: “Is she sick?”

Elvis looked up annoyed. “Not exactly, sweetheart. She been cryin'...ya mama got a lot on her mind, but it was my fault this time, so she needs her sleep now.”

“What happened?” she asked worried.

He smiled: “Don't you be worryin' your little pretty head about your mama, sweetheart, she’s fine. Just let her sleep, don't you bother her tonight, ok?”

Lily got up from the couch. “Well...ok...I was about to tell her that I'm going out tonight...”

He looked at Lily: “You are, sweetheart? Where you goin'?”

She headed to her room: “Hanging out with my friends, we would probably go to that beach party I told you about!”

He pointed his hands on the couch and followed her. “Seriously Lily? I thought we talked about that…I don’t want you to go that party...who knows how many people, drugs, booze... just ain't safe, ya hear? I think I maybe have to talk to your mother...”

Lily smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek: “Oh please...I'm not 5 years old anymore...and mama agreed to let me go! Didn’t she tell you?”

He ignored her kiss and kept on talking: “Well, sweetheart, just cause you aren't five anymore doesn't mean a thing, darlin'!” He was in rage. But suddenly he calmed down “Just promise me...no booze, no drugs, no messin' around! Okay?”

“Alright... no booze, no drugs, blah blah blah...ok...same things...” she answered.

“That's a good girl, you know how I love you and I get so worried when you ain't around, sweetheart.”

“I know! But you dunt have to worry! Now I have to get ready. Danny is gonna pick me up in 15 minutes!” She headed for the bathroom but he stopped her. “Oh…and another thing Lily: no make up this time, ya hear?”

She passed over him: “Oh Elvis please...no make up? Seriously?”

He looked at her seriously grabbing her cheek. “I think you need to be natural, Lily, you are more beautiful that way. Ya don’t need to cover that natural beauty. No make up Lily, that’s it! Ya hear me?”

She rolled her eyes back, taking his hand away: “Alright, but it's not fair!” she answerd hiding some make up stuff in her purse.

“Fair or not, darlin', when I say something, that's what I mean and you know that. So ya better behave and stay out of trouble!” he yelled going back to the living room.

She got angry and turned to him: “You know... you're not my real father Elvis! you can't keep on treating me like I was a child. As you can see, I'm not a child anymore!!!!

He stopped and got back. He got very close to her and he stares from up to down: “Hey!! don't ya raise your voice at me, young lady!! You are still too young, so you better listen to what I say. Understand?”

“Too young?? Oh God, Elvis, I'm 18 and technically I'm adult...”

He was getting angrier: “Well, you may be an adult technically, but mentally you still got a long way to go til you're a grown woman. Furthermore, you're legally my step-daughter, and the rule is no make up, no booze, no drugs and that's the end. Ya understand?”. He threw a punch on the wall.

She stepped back scared. Then he kept on talking: “Don’t look at me like that...I'm only tryin' to protect you and keep you out of trouble. Now go. Your boy is comin' in a few minutes.”

She came to your room to tell you she was going out and that she loves you. You kissed her and wished her a good evening. Then she came back with a short pink dress on. As she passed beside Elvis he grabbed her arm. “I think you didn’t heard what I told you!!! Where do you think you’re going with this thing? Don’t you think it’s a little too short?”

“Oh please Elvis, not again, mom said this was alright! I bought it with her!”

“I don't care what your momma said! I’m in charge now! I'm your step-father and I said no. This dress is too short, and you’re not going to wear it! Understand?”

She laughed at him: “Are you serious? Is this some kind of joke?”

He looked at you: “This ain't a joke, I'm dead serious right now. So, you’re not gonna wear this dress. That’s it!”

In that moment the door bell rang. “Too late!” She went to open the door to find her boyfriend Danny.

Elvis stopped the two lovers: “So…where ya going?”

Lily snorted: “Elvis please I told you... we're going to the beach!”

He was standing in front of the door: “Yeah, beach party, right..”

Danny felt the heavy situation and promised to take care of Lily. “You better son, otherwise ya gonna make me have to follow you and keep an eye on ya!?”

Lily pointed her finger at him: “Oh don't you dare....”

Elvis towered her: “’Don't you dare’ what? Ya got a little attitude there?!”

An annoyed voice came from upstairs. It was you who stopped all the circus: "Elvis please stop it...let them go!”

He looked up: “Oh for the love of Christ, alright...just go on, and do me a favorite, behave yourself. And don't be callin' your momma and tellin' her I told ya to behave, ya hear me?”

“Oh thank youuu... you're the greatest!” she kissed him on his cheek then she went out with Danny. Elvis remains alone and he sat on the couch.

“God, that damn girl's gonna be the death of me. She's gonna do what she wants...and if she ever gets herself in trouble, I don’t know what I’m gonna do...” He said to himself with annoyance and with a pinch of sadness in his voice.

Lily spent a wonderful night with her friends. As she promised there were no drugs or other bad things...except a little bit of alcohol.

The day after Elvis woke up early, his thoughts were already on his stepdaughter. He went to check her in the bedroom, but the bed was tied up and nobody was in the room. He went to the bathroom, he looked at his reflection in the mirror and splashed cool water on his face to wake himself up. He couldn’t help but think about Lily and he was worried about her.

He was about to wake you up, when he heard the doorbell. Elvis rushed up to answer it. To his surprise, he found Lily and Danny at his doorstep.

“Well...isn’t it a bit late to come back!?” he was furious. “You were supposed to take it easy and come back by midnight. Are ya two alright?”

She entered the house: “Don’t worry Elvis, I'm feeling very good!”

“And Danny here? Is he treating you well? Please tell me he is behaving. I'm trusting him to take care of you...

“Oh don't you worry, he took greeeat care of me!” she answered looking at Danny with a mischievous face.

Elvis's tone changes and he became harsh and authoritarian. He saw a big smile in her expression, and knew she was hiding something. “You...you two...haven't done nothing stupid, Lily?”

“Come on Elvis... you worry too much....” then he kissed Danny and she sent him away: "You better go!".

She sat on the couch and Elvis went straight to her. “I'm pretty sure you broke your promise! What happened last night?”

“Dunt get mad, it's alright!”

“C’mon, you know me better than that! I just want to know how you spent your night, 'cause I couldn't stop thinking about you, I was worried!” He got closer to Lily, to the point that he was sitting right next to her. Their eyes met when he looked at her with a kind and worried look. Elvis smiled as he spoke: “Oh, this is killin' me, Lily...just tell me what happened, please. You know, I care about ya…”. His tone was sincere and honest. He looked at her with genuine worry and he put his hand on her thigh in a protective gesture.

She pushed him back: “What are you doing?”

“Don't worry about it, Lily...don't worry at all! Now, just tell me what happened, and everything’s gonna be alright, ya hear me? You broke your promise, you know that? But I want ya to be honest with me now!” He then slowly moved his hand to caress her thigh. He wasn't thinking straight anymore, his desire just took over at that point.

“Elvis please...what are you...?”

He couldn’t hold back his feelings anymore: “Darlin', now listen to me...ya know I love ya, like any other father, but hey, every man has needs and you just don't know how hard it is to resist you, and...” his hand had already traveled up to the edge of her dress, his eyes were now fixed on her lips like a hungry predator. The thought of kissing her was overwhelming him.

As she realised what was happening she got up from the couch: “Dunt you dare…I'm gonna tell mama!”

His desires overpowered him, and he was now ready to go much further to have his way. His thoughts were only focused on her, everything else had disappeared in that exact moment. Elvis got close to her and kissed her hard, while his tongue tried to find its way into her lips. He was now desperate to possess his stepdaughter. He pulls her on the couch so her body was now on top of him. His hand grabbed her hair and pressed the back of her head down, bringing Claire face closer to his.

She struggled to push him away... "It can't be happening!” she thought. His hand moved to lift the edge of her dress higher and higher up her thighs. He was trying with all his might to resist the urge to take her right there and then, but he was into it. In that moment, as she was trying to escape, she felt her body shiver and a strange pressure grew in her lower belly. “Oh my God..”

She grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away standing up and leaving him on the couch: “What are you trying to do?? Are you mad?”

“Honeybee, ya know what I'm trying to do! I want you in every possible way, and ya know that. I love the way you look, the way you move, the way you smell. You are mine, ya hear me? You are mine!” He stood up and grabbed her again. This time he pressed her against the couch with his whole body on her and pinned her against the couch as his hands were under her skirt and tried to undo her bra.

She cried “No, please...mooom!”

In that moment your voice came from upstairs: “Lily, what's going on sweetheart?” You asked while getting downstairs. Lily jumped from the couch. Elvis looked at her in a frustrated way, as he fixed his clothes to look good again. “Ah shit Lily! Why you had to go get your momma?” As Elvis heard footsteps getting closer to the living room, he tried his best to hide his arousal.

Lily ran upstairs and locked her in her bedroom. Elvis hears her crying and his face was filled with sadness. As you came down, he found himself with you in the living room and he tried to lie, but he seemed to be a bit nervous. You looked at him with a skeptical look.

“Oh y/n, sweetie, Lily was just scared because I yelled at her for breaking her promise and going out with his boyfriend. I just yelled at her 'cause I'm worried she'd break her promise again, she's not in trouble, ya hear me?” You looked at him worried. “Believe me y/n, Lily is ok, she’s in her room now, I sent her to rest!” You were so tired that in the end you believed him and went to get lunch ready. Elvis, in a desperate gesture, decided to knock on Lily’s door. He knocked very hard, as if it was a threat.

“Honeybee, I need to talk to ya. Please open the door!”. He was knocking on the door over and over and over again. He seemed nervous, frustrated, and sad all at once. He needed her to open that door so he could convince her. “Lily please...I didn't mean to scare you, sweetheart...and I won't yell at you again, I promise! But I really need to talk ya, darlin'. Please, sweetheart...I promise it will not take long!” He sounded desperate at this point. She felt him crying and she opened the door a little bit. He saw the little slit of the door open and his heart beat fast. He took all his strength to keep his composure and not look at her with lusty look.

“Lily please...I'm gonna fix this, I promise...just listen to me and don't tell on me, ya hear me?” His words were sincere, but he couldn't help looking at her and wishing he could hold her.

“What did you got on your mind?” she asked shocked. Elvis looked up and tried to fix his eyes on her eyes. “Listen to me Lily, don't say anything to your momma, ok? I couldn’t bare to lose both of you!”.

Lily is very angry and she felt betrayed by him. All of her life she looked at him like the hero of the fairytales, her prince charming and now she was seeing him as a monster. “How can you ask me that? Do you realise what you were about to do?”

“Lily, please... I wasn’t about to do anything, you hear me? I just wanted to hug you and...I'm sorry...just please, don't tell your momma. Please!” He started to sound needy, pleading, and desperate. He sounded as if his life depended on her not telling on him. Lily looked at him and in that moment something changed inside of her. She saw him vulnerable and almost lost. Elvis, who just wanted to kiss her, saw Lily getting closer to him. She got closer and Elvis' heartbeat increased even more. The temptation was bigger than ever for him.

“I won't tell her...daddy!”

Elvis saw her smiling. She was a lot more beautiful and cute when she smiled. Then he smiled back at her and put his arms around her waist, ready to hug her. She suddenly leaned towards him, expecting a kiss. Elvis was confused. He kissed her passionately, in a way he never expected to. He couldn't resist her anymore. His desire for her was too big to resist. Finally, his tongue was in her mouth and their lips were dancing free. She pulls back shocked at what she did: “I'm...I'm sorry daddy...I..”

Elvis was still holding her, and didn't let her go. His eyes were on her lips and he couldn't resist her anymore. This was just a kiss to her, but for him, it was like a dream becoming true. He kissed her again, but even more passionately than before. As their lips danced, he was the happiest man in the world, knowing it was a mistake that would cost him everything he had. He couldn't resist his stepdaughter and he was enjoying her lips and her body now more than ever.

He pushed her against the wall and kept kissing her passionately. Her legs moved a bit, but Elvis felt that she was into it. So he kept going, pushing her body against the wall. His desire for her was as big as his love, if not bigger. He couldn't get enough from her. Elvis didn't want this moment to end, but the thought of letting himself go any further also crossed his mind. He knew this would cost him a lot if anyone came to this room. As he kissed her on her neck, Elvis made sure to whisper: “Be quite baby...” then he locked the door.

He put his hand on the back of her neck, as his other hand moved slowly down to her butt and thighs. He loved to touch her body and he couldn't resist her anymore. He wanted to take her right there and then. He wanted to get her out of that dress and make her his own. He kissed her slowly and passionately, taking his time with her, giving her as much pleasure as he could. Elvis stopped his hands slowly from touching Lily’s body, as he took his eyes off her body and he started to look in her eyes. He looked at her with desire, but at the same time with deep feelings of love and tenderness.

Suddenly Lily pushed him away. “Please Elvis, stop... this is not the right way!”

Elvis was confused. He had never felt this way for a woman before, but at the same time he was just a man who couldn't resist his desire. Elvis knew he was in trouble, and he had a big decision to make.

“Lily, ya know I want to hold ya, ya know I want to kiss ya...and I want to give ya everything you... deserve, ya hear me?” he said while he kept on caressing here gently.

She looked down: “What I'm trying to say is...I want it too, but not this way!”

Elvis wasn't expecting that. He looked at her in shock. She was telling him that she also felt what he felt, but she was too scared to fully admit it.

“You mean...ya want this too? Oh God, ya can't imagine how much I want to be with you and make you mine, but you know I can't Lily...you know I can't...”

She held him and looked him in his eyes: “I loved you since I was little...when you took us with you I was just a child and you were my big hero. I remember I called you daddy back then but now...I just can't. That's why I never called you that way anymore...”

“Lily, you mean you love me? You...you fell in love with me a long time ago? I never knew that! I...I can’t believe it. But...you are too young for me Lily. We could never be…” Elvis was torn apart. He would have taken her right then, but still he saw her as the little girl he raised and he couldn’t do anything but feel guilty.

“I don't care if I'm too young!” said Lily “I want you to teach me how to love you. You know, I have to confess you a thing: Danny tried to do something last night, but I stopped him! I didn't want him to be the first, I wanted to be you!” At that words he took courage and chose the path of his new life. He could have the opportunity to be with her. So he didn't want to waste anytime and he had the perfect place for spending some quality time with her. “Lily, come with me! We'll need to be careful, but once we get there, there's no one that we have to hide from. It's just you and me, alone and free!"

*

[markkiforsure]

Coming Home (Part 2) (Poly!BillyxReaderxStu)

(Holly shit! You people actually like the crap I write! Thanks so much! Anyways, here's what you guys have been waiting for.)

Warning: Transphobia, Drugs, Alcohol, Gore/Blood, Murder, Mentions of Sexual stuff

The sun was shaded by falling leaves as the fall of their senior year began to creep in slowly. Halloween just a few days around the corner. A fountain bubbled behind a group of 5 teenagers, all to busy sharing the latest gossip to care about school work.

"Why would they ask you if you liked to hunt?" Tatum asks with slight confusion as she pulls away from Stu to look at him.

"I don't know. They just did." Randy rolls his eyes at Stu's response and steps in to explain why.

"Because their bodies were gutted." Sidney flinches and Tatum grimaces at Randy's words. Billy gives him a half-hearted glare before pulling Sidney closer to him.

"Jee, thanks for the image Randy." Randy shrugs as Tatum picks up the conversation.

"They didn't ask me if I like to hunt" Stu chuckles forcefully and gives his signature wild smile.

"Because there's no way a girl could have killed them." Sidney scowls and slaps the back of Stu's head before huffing indignantly.

"That is so sexist. The killer could easily be female-BASIC INSTINCT." Randy rolls his eyes as he makes a reference to one of the horror movies with a female killer.

"That was an ice pick-not exactly the same." He says leaning back against the nearby tree as Stu speaks up with an almost crazed voice.

"Yeah, Casey and Steve were completely hollowed out. It takes a real man to do something like that." Tatum huffs with a deep scowl.

"Or a man's mindset." Sidney glances between Stu and Tatum as they speak before quietly whispering.

"How do you gut someone?" Everyone turns to Sidney with pity in their eyes before Stu steps in with a crazed chuckle.

"You take a knife and slit them groin to sternum." Sidney shudders weakly as the rest of the table rolls their eyes. Stu raises his hands and shrugs.

"What? She asked." Billy glares at Stu as he wraps his arms around Sidney protectively.

"It's called having, you fuckrag." Stu looks down and almost pouts.

"Sorry." Billy rolled his eyes. He knew Stu wasn't sorry and, if he was being honest with himself, he didn't feel sorry about it either but someone had to play the good guy. The conversation continued until Tatum turned it back around to the recent murders.

"Hey, Stu? Didn't you used to date Casey?"Stu's taken off guard and chuckles nervously but quickly brushes it off with a scoff.

"For about two seconds." Randy chuckles at Stu's uncomfortableness.

"Yeah, right before she dumped him for Steve." Tatum turns sharply to Stu and frowns.

"I thought you dumped her for me!?" Stu growls at Randy.

"I did. He's just full of shit." Tatum rolls her eyes before turning back to face the group, Stu begins to nibble on her ear.

"Speaking of ex's. Did you guys hear?" Everyone perks up.

"You guys remember the girl/guy who dated both Stu and Billy at the same time?" Billy and Stu froze, their eyes sharpening. Sidney nods.

"Yeah, she/he was a real weirdo. I don't know how she/he was able to pull two guys at once." Billy gritted his teeth while Stu's hands began to clench.

"Yeah, she/he was super ugly to but I mean, Billy and Stu didn't enter their hot boy faze until Junior year."

"They." Billy snaps at Randy. Everyone looks at him with raised eyebrows.

"What?" Tatum asks finally.

"They. Their pronouns are they/them." Tatum, Randy, and Sidney exchange confused looks before Tatum brushes it off and continues.

"Well, she/he is back! Apparently, her/his dad cheated of her/his mom and so her/his mom gained custody over her/him. They're moving back into town." Billy and Stu exchange a look before excusing themselves from the group and walking towards Stu's car.

"Do you think it's true?" Billy doesn't answer Stu. Instead he hops in the back seat of Stu's car with a deep frown on his forehead.

"I mean, we haven't seen them in like 2 years." Billy sighs as Stu gets into the drivers seat.

"If they're really back then their dad sure has some shitty timing." Billy finally says as Stu starts up the car and drives off recklessly towards a house they used to consider home.

(I'll post some more later. See yea! Thanks for the likes!)

[lassiekitsune]

Peter Parker x Reader "Under the starry sky"

GIF isn't mine

Description: You need help with your math test and you ask your best friend for help. But Peter needs to tell you something important, after which your relationship will never be the same.

Warnings: fluff, a little agnst.

Y/N - Your name

(H/C) - Hair color

"- On Monday, I'll be waiting for you all to write a very important math test. You all will have enough time to prepare" - your teacher said then the school bell rang. Mathematics wasn't your favourite school subject, but your family demanded perfect grades from you. "It's just not realistic" you thought. The problem was that you missed the last topic due to illness and no one could help you... Almost no one. A few minutes later you spotted your best friend Peter Parker with Ned in the school hallway. Peter was known at school as one of the smartest students in the school, who knew the entire school curriculum at "A+". It was because of his knowledge that Peter was often mocked by his classmate Eugene Thompson ("Flash"), but you didn't care about him. You and Parker have been friends for many years, and it was he who you decided to ask for help with math.

"- Hello, Peter! Hello, Ned!" - you smiled.

"- Hey Y/N! We haven't seen each other for a long time" - Peter smiled at you as well, and so did Ned - "Did you want to ask something?"

"- Um, yeah, but..." - You looked at Ned. Peter's friend taking your hint and leaving the two of you alone. You sighed and continued - "So, I think I need your help" - Peter adjusted his backpack and looked at you curiously

"- Did something happen to you?"

"- No, I'm fine, don't worry" - knowing Peter's caring side, you rushed to comfort him - "Do you know that I have been absent from school for several weeks?" - Parker nodded - "And I missed the last subject in mathematics, and on Monday I have a test for which I am not ready at all... This is exactly what I need your help with"

"- Wait, do you want me to explain the topic to you?" - Peter's eyes lit up with joy

"- I do not insist, if you are busy…"

"- No!" - your friend interrupted you - I'm completely free today! If it's convenient for you, you can come over to my house today around 6:00 p.m., okay?"

"- Okay, sorry, I must go. Goodbye"

"- See you later, Y/N" - if you had turned back at that moment, you would have noticed how Peter guided you with his gaze.

~5:58 p.m.~

You are standing in front of the door of the Parker house. Peter told you a LOT about his Aunt May, and he was sure that you would become friends. You took a deep breath and tapped ligtly. Contrary to your expectations, a woman opened the door and smiled at you.

"- Hello! Are you Aunt May?"

"- Hello, yes, it's me. And you are Y/N? Peter said you would come today".

"- Yep, I'm Y/N. Can I come in?"

"- Of course, but Peter isn't at home now"

"- Oh, then I think I should go. Peter will call me when he gets back"

"- No, no! You can stay here, I don't care. After all," - May gave you a strange look - "I wanted to get to know you better"

~8:30 p.m.~

You were sitting next to Aunt May who offered you tea and you were talking to each other. Peter was still not at home.

"- Aunt May?"

"- Please call me just May"

"- Okay, May, where do you think Peter could be at this late hour?"

"- Honestly, I don't know" - May sipped her tea from her cup - "This is not the first time he has come home late. I tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't tell me anything" - May sighed. The conversation continued untill your mother called you and reminded you that it was time for you to go home.

"- Don't worry, Y/N, I will have a SERIOUS talk with Peter tonight" - May said with a special emphasis on the world "serious".

"- No, you don't have to" - you didn't want your best friend to get in trouble. When you got home, you changed and went to your room. You can't to sleep, probably you were worried about Peter. You've had a crush on Peter for a long time, but you've always had to hide those feelings from him. Of course, you, like many girls, dreamed that one day he would confess his love to you. So, after spending several hours in bed, you went out to the balcony to look at the stars. The night wind blew your (H/C) as you gazed up at the twinkling stars, and you closed your eyes to hear the sounds of night nature. Silence. Peace. Stop, something is wrong. You opened your eyes and heard footsteps on the roof. "- Are they thieves?" you thought and hid behind old boxes. A footsteps got closer and you tried to sit as quietly as possible. One moment, and familiar shadow is standing on your balcony. You did not think that HE would appear here, but you believe your eyes, before you stood the famous Spider-Man. Judging by his rapid breathing, he had just been running away from someone. You could endlessly watch this Superhero until he would have disappeared in his direction if not for his spider-sense. Spider-Man turned to face you

"- Y/N? What are you doing here?" - said a familiar voice

"- How do you know my name?" - You were in shock, but managed to find the strength to come out of your hiding place.

"- It's not important now, we have to get out of here" - Spider-Man held out his arms to you - "Don't be afraid of me, I won't hurt you. But now you are in danger if you do not go with me"

"- But, I..." - your voice was interrupted by the roar of some black scary creature that was slowly approaching you.

"- We must go RIGHT NOW!" - Spider-Man said as he grabbed you with one hand and held you close while the other released a web that gave you the opportunity to escape from this creature.

"- Thank you for saving me, but who was that?" - you asked fearfully

"- Venom and you're welcome"

"- What did he want?" - you asked, Spider-Man didn't turned to you

"- I'm sorry, it's my fault. You shouldn't have seen it..."

"- What? It's not your fault!" - you moved closer to him. You wanted to continue but the words got stuck somewhere in your throat. You realized where you could hear this voice, without thinking long, you defiantly pulled off his mask.

"- Hey! What are you doing?" - Spider-Man was outraged and tried to take his mask from you

"- Peter? Is that you?" - you asked in surprise. Parker looked at you and turned away sharply.

"- No! Don't look at me!" - Peter tried to hide his face with his hands -"I'm not Peter!

"- You are Spider-Man! I can't believe it"

"- Don't talk so loud" - Peter came closer - "Someone might hear it"

"- Hey, don't worry, I promise no one will find out about your secret"

"- T-thank you..." - Parker whispered "- Why are you awake at such a late hour?"

"- I couldn't sleep because I was worried about you. You promised to come, but you didn't"

"- Oh, I'm so sorry about it"

"- Don't worry, I had a great time with your Aunt May, I think she liked me"

"- That's good" - Peter smiled. There was an awkward pause between you as you just stared down. Parker was the first to break the silence between you

"- Y/N can I tell you s-something?"

"- Sure" - after your words, Peter nervously took your hand and looked into your eyes

"- Y/N, I know now is not the right time, but we have been friends for a long time and I... I... No! I can't to say that!" - Peter turned around

"- Peter" - you came closer to him and touched his shoulder with your hand -"You know you can tell me everything and I'll keep it in secret if you ask me. We are best friends, do you remember?"

"- That's what I tried to say, Y/N!" - Peter turned to you sharply -"I don't want to be your friend anymore!" - You felt your heart break into a million pieces.

"- Well, if that's what you really want..." - you could barely hold back your tears - "I won't bother you anymore..."

"- No, no, no, wait, that's not what I meant!" - Peter sighed and whispered - "Oh, my God, Peter, why are you so stupid?" - You didn't understand anything. Peter, as if thinking something, took your hand againe

"- Peter, what are you do..." - you were interrupted by an unexpected kiss on the lips. Peter kissed you and it was completely real! Realizing what he was doing, Parker pulled away from you.

"- No, what have I done? Y/N, I'm sorry, I didn't ask you before..." - you kissed him again to shut him up. This moment could last forever if you didn't need oxygen, you pulled away from each other, gasping for air

"- Wow! I did not expect this" - Peter smiled nervous and looked at you -"But, now I'm sure, I love you, Y/N and... Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

"- Yes..."- you answered, Peter smiled and kissed you again.

[jyndor]

My guess is that “this is a first for me” now refers to the fact that Cassian’s never been in prison while awaiting execution. He’s been sent to prison for crimes not punishable by death (not that prison wasn’t its own death sentence, at least on Narkina 5) but he’s never been locked in a cell knowing he could get a blaster bolt between the eyes within hours of being locked up. The Partisans were almost certainly planning to execute him, Chirrut and Baze; they just had to clear it with Saw first. As a secondary qualifier, it could also refer to the type of prison; it’s probably the smallest cell he’s ever been in, and it’s in a cave instead of an incarceration facility.

lol okay so i really went in on this as is my mo, not because anything you said is wrong or whatever lol it's your opinion. but it's sparked Discourse in my head rip

i feel like since the show aired i just haven't been explaining myself clearly with this but i'll try: i don't care what headcanon someone uses to handwave a thing that doesn't track 100%. i do it when something just doesn't track to ME or when i feel like telling canon to fuck off lol askdhasjdh but people will use their headcanon explanations to tell folks canon is still consistent. it's NOT lol it's a retconnnnnn

this is why i don't like retcons generally speaking. it just isn't that hard to stick to what canon already says, and while this one isn't really important at all (like it's a comment cassian makes offhandedly and can easily be handwaved like this) i think writers should try to avoid retcons (not always, sometimes things should be retconned because they're trash? but usually yeah retcons are meh). and then when you've got like a relatively small fandom like rogue one's that has been going along with what we all thought was canon until the show aired, it's extremely aggravating to be told that oh actually what we thought was true (even though until a few months ago it was) is not true anymore and aren't we crazy for not seeing that??? not that you have said any of that btw im not talking about you lol.

like i shouldn't have to qualify things to make them make sense with the main piece of media - which rogue one is. andor is a prequel to rogue one. rogue one is not a sequel to andor. andor has the responsibility to track with rogue one because it's supplementary material for rogue one. plus rogue one came out first. i shouldn't have to do mental gymnastics to make little moments in rogue one still make sense. and luckily i can divorce andor from rogue one pretty well and handwave shit and come up with my interpretations like yours and other fans' but we shouldn't HAVE to. it isn't a high bar to meet to be consistent.

when i analyze media, i always start with an out-of-universe (doylist) approach. i look for preconceived notions that might have influenced the writing, i look for motivations and at the history of the writers, etc. and then i can more easily take an in-universe (watsonian) approach. it's just hard for me to ignore inconsistencies, writer biases, real world context etc. probably because i have ocd and i am very literal. that's a personal problem lmfao.

so i can't even get there with things like this because it's obvious to me that tony gilroy, who did not write the film, wanted to tell a great story. he wanted to write what he wanted to write and wasn't super concerned with it lining up 100% with the film in a literal way. and he did. i mean all gripes aside andor is a fabulous show. easily the best thing i've seen all year. but i've still got my gripes lmfao.

in this case i think it's understandable that he'd do that because it actually doesn't make a whole lot of sense that cassian wouldn't have gotten caught by someone at some point. it is more reasonable that he would have. and for someone like the cassian in the show who is certainly anti-imperial, has politics despite what other people in the show say, but is not necessarily radicalized, yeah it makes sense that being sent to prison based on some bullshit xenophobic profiling would radicalize him. that is me doing some in-universe analysis btw.

but let's not kid ourselves. it doesn't fit with that line. before the show aired, not a single viewer thought he was lying or on some obi-wan bullshit with the "certain point of view" thing at that moment. yes, he's a liar. yes, he's a spy.

chirrut, who knows cassian is a captain not because cassian tells him he is but because of the force lol (this is why cassian gives him a weird look like 'how the fuck do you know that???'), takes him at his word and then says 'there is more than one sort of prison' meaning that just because cassian hasn't been literally locked up, it doesn't mean he doesn't have things that hold him back or imprison him metaphorically. that's the whole point of that moment - and lol it's actually kind of a more insulting retcon than I initially thought because chirrut reads cassian extremely well throughout the film with the force. but apparently he doesn't because he takes cassian at his word on jedha.

when cassian is about to go assassinate galen and he's avoiding jyn's eyes and being all shady lol, the camera keeps panning to chirrut looking away from the rest of the group but with a very disgusted expression on his face. he tells jyn that 'the force moves darkly around a creature that is about to kill' when she is like ??? the fuck do you mean by does cassian look like a killer?????

my point is that chirrut has a very good understanding of cassian's vibes in the force. chirrut takes him at his word on jedha but he is visibly disgusted by cassian on eadu. cassian actually being in prison before jedha changes chirrut's connection to the force for me. hmm now i'm mad LOL.

we were not intended to think cassian was lying on jedha. we were however intended to catch how shifty cassian was being on eadu - not making eye contact with jyn in a very overt way, not making a whole lot of sense to anyone, chirrut's callout, baze's deliberate use of "he has the face of a friend" but not that he IS a friend (although he is <333) because again. spy. mask. lying. that's what baze and chirrut call out on eadu, and what makes jyn realize that she fell for cassian's deception. it's really important that chirrut's connection to the force is credible because otherwise lol okay he's just some guy who fights well. he's not that - he's a guardian of the whills and his connection to the force is undeniable if not defined.

cassian's lying on eadu until he has his moment of truth. it's a different feel than his interactions with everyone else on jedha (although when he's talking to jyn about meeting tivik's sister he deliberately doesn't make eye contact).

cassian makes eye contact when he's being honest - the hangar scene, the eadu fight with jyn (which... lol im not even going there right now), definitely on scarif a number of times and most notably in the elevator. when he's lying, he gets avoidant.

that's a deliberate choice by the writers, director and diego ofc. in 2015/2016.

cut to 2020/2021 or whatever and tony gilroy, who did an immense amount of work on rogue one with the reshoots (allegedly mostly in the 3rd act of the film although that first scene with cassian is all him lol - also side note why couldn't he have cut the bor gullet smdh) to the point that he got a screenwriter's credit because of SWG(? the union idk) rules (totally fair of course, but i think a lot of people don't know that he didn't literally write the film or create cassian lol), is writing the best story he can and isn't really worrying about how much it tracks with minutiae from the film or like idk what pablo hidalgo wrote in guidebooks lol (pretty sure that's where the fest thing came from as well as him being 26 and jyn being 22? but also i mean im not sure if that hadn't been decided by the writers of the film).

i mean you'd have to ask him but im sure he'd say as much - that he wanted to tell a great story and as long as it was mostly consistent or could be considered consistent with who cassian will be in rogue one, it's easily handwaved or explained. and yeah that's true for most people but unfortunately for me i'm neurodivergent as hell with a hyperfixation on this dumb film and plus i have severe ocd so i notice discrepancies. and they annoy me.

i wanna be clear: i don't think this is the most egregious retcon of the show. not at all. but i'd like people to acknowledge that it is a retcon and that no, gareth edwards and chris weitz and gary whitta did not intend for cassian to be like "well actually what i meant is that technically, i have been imprisoned but i wasn't sentenced to death" or whatever reason we may now individually use to make it make sense. and i don't see a problem with doing that - i literally make headcanon all the time because canon ends in a way im sad about LOL. but this is headcanon. because canon doesn't track with itself.

also just a note: personally i think it's pretty clear cassian knows that narkina COULD be a death sentence. cassian understands narkina is dangerous as hell from the moment he steps his bare foot onto that metal floor. they fry people. he's smart, to me he knows it's a potential death sentence. but that's just my interpretation of the show.

i think the best way to handwave this retcon is to say cassian hasn't been imprisoned by rebels before or by alleged allies. or maybe in service of the rebellion.

*and cassian recognizes chirrut's force-ishness immediately, which is why he asks if he's a jedi. (it's why im like lol everyone just shut up about cassian not knowing what jedi are, i don't need an explanation for how he learns about them. i don't need them to make a big thing of whether or not cassian knows what jedi are because of course he does, jedi are in fact extremely well known in the galaxy and this is an area where im like tony gilroy stay on your lane XD)

[luckywolfsbane]

"theoretical human i might never know about" hihi i keep missing all the tic posts and life has been hectic as fuck so i keep forgetting ANYWAY uhhhhh roman lore? mayhaps??? it's ok if not ofc was just wondering :D

Of course! I haven't dropped any lore recently, but I'm making slow progress on chapter 2. I'm almost done with it, actually. Or I hope. But things have been hectic over here, too. I just started my first trucking job, so I'm fighting my circadian rhythm to get there for training every weekday. 😅

Let me go grab Roman's character file real quick and give you some character facts. Here's some random details I can give you:

Roman is a traveling artist who enjoys painting beautifully terrible phenomena. He prefers acrylics to carry due to their drying rate. At any given point, there's a high chance he'll have paint on his hands, face, and even clothing. Despite this, catching him painting is no easy feat.

Despite carrying and being formidable with a khopesh, Roman does not consider himself much of a swordsman. That doesn't mean he underestimates himself in this regard; rather, he knows he's fully capable but believes he'd only be a swordsman if he were passionate about it.

Roman is a well-rounded individual. Not only is he artistically and athletically inclined, but he's also a talented mage. While his birthright has to remain unsaid for the time being, it should be noted that he has a dual alignment(e.i. he was born with two types of magic.)

Roman's hair is his crowning glory. Being type 4c--easily damaged and as coily as it comes--maintaining his locs matters to him. As a matter of fact, Roman, in particular, has been growing his locs for the last decade, and the length shows.

Roman is 21 and has not seen his only living family in 5 years. Despite his lack of contact, he has continued to keep tabs on them to be sure they're cared for and safe.

Roman grew up in a small town on an isolated island between Keltae and Eldridge. His family still resides there.

He has mild asthma! In certain climates(particularly dry and cold), he gets a persistent dry cough.

Roman is bisexual and a cis-man.

If he can't control a situation, it makes him nervous even when there's nothing to fear. His nervous energy comes out as irritation and snapped words. He's fully aware of this but struggles to mitigate it in the moment.

Roman enjoys chess and other strategic board games. He also enjoys horseback riding, though he rarely has the chance to experience it casually.

What you'll find if you open his pack:

Several smaller sizes of canvases

Two full sets of brushes(in cases)

A pair of small paint pallets.

Foldable easel

Acrylic paints

An old photograph of his entire family

Small wallet

Outdated phone with a lightly cracked screen

Undyed, natural hair wax

Grapeseed oil

Honey and coconut leave-in conditioner

Small spray bottle full of an unlabled astringent

Tangle of hair ties

A pencil

3 pens

A half-used miniature noteapd

And a few other small objects, like a dry oil, a wide tooth comb, etc.

I adore Roman. I wish I could give you story relevant specifics, but I don’t want to spoil too much. He's very interesting and I don’t want to give too much away.

[vikings-til-valhalla]

I'm sorry I haven't updated this blog on the situation with my mom in almost 2 weeks.

Long story short, it's gotten worse. In every way.

I think I said last time that mom was sent home New Year's Eve, and that was where I'd left off. Well... the next day, New Year's Day, everyone woke up and we gathered together to open presents from Christmas. As we did, mom couldn't lift anything beyond a glass of water. And even then, it was a struggle. She could barely breathe, and kept complaining about her shoulder hurting. She kept using her inhaler. Too much. 3x in a day and you're supposed to go to the hospital. And she'd used it 3x in an hour.

I tried to convince her, and my father, to go to the hospital. But my father doesn't believe in any doctors ever, and argued there was nothing anyone at the hospital could do except tell mom to set up a cardiologist appointment, and that cardiologist will take care of this. I was absolutely livid, seeing as my father always refuses to admit he's wrong or even hear he's wrong. I told him the hospital could inject painkillers, and do X-rays, and give her the IV she clearly needed. And still, father wouldn't listen. I, angry, went to my room and fell asleep for many hours.

At 9pm I was woken up to a knock at my door. Father said he was taking mom back to the hospital. Finally. I said ok, and fell back asleep.

I woke back up again at 2:30am. I checked my phone, and realized a mass text had been sent to everyone, extended family and immediate. It said everything. All of it. The cardiologist who'd done the first surgeries, he drove in immediately. He ordered painkiller injections, and X-rays. Just like I'd said the hospital would do. Minutes later, Mom had stopped breathing, and couldn't talk. She was in a panic. Doctors sedated her, and instantly airlifted her by helicopter to the original hospital where she'd gotten her first surgeries. Examining the X-rays, they learned mom had fluid all around her heart, and multiple blood clots in her lungs. Immediately, the surgeons got her into a room and began yet another surgery.

9 clots were removed from her lungs. Mesh had been placed inside her lungs to prevent any other clots from reaching them again, which would kill her if they did. The fluid was removed from around her heart. But she remained under sedation, and to be honest, from the sound and urgency of the texts, I thought I'd surely lost my mom. I don't remember if I slept anymore after that, I don't remember anything else except for the next text I received at around 9:30pm the next night. Father was on his way home. Mom was still sedated, I think, maybe she wasn't, I don't remember. But after over 24 hours waiting, I'd seen a message saying she was at least stable.

The next days were a blur. Mom woke up at some point, and had lost all recollection of being brought home for 2 days, and had no idea where she was or how she got there. Whereas I'd been doing video calls with Mom every day since her first admittance to when she got home, I hadn't heard her voice or seen her face in days. All I had was the word of my father, who kept me updated on how she was doing.

I worked 1 day that week. And when I got in and checked the schedules for the upcoming weeks, I saw I had been cut back to just Saturday work. Despite the fact that I gave full time availability, and dropped out of college to work more, I'd gotten a kick in the ass. And that exact same day, a giant bill went through, overdrafting my only bank account by $140. I was worse than broke, and with no way to pay off the debt with working one job that utterly betrayed me.

The next day, I saw my mom at the hospital. For the first time in... a while, I'd seen her face. And she was doing alright. She said she was better than she'd been feeling. She had another giant blood clot that formed in her leg, and so she couldn't walk. Additionally, she was on oxygen, and given Albuterol treatments 5-7 times a day every day. We cracked tons of jokes to the point even the nurse was laughing, and we talked a lot. Then, when she was tired, my siblings, father, and I, all drove home. I was starving. I realized I hadn't been eating much. One meal a day. Every day. For... I'm not sure how long.

Father ordered pizza, and I scarfed down two slices like my life depended on it. I was about to go for more, but everything that was ordered was eaten between the 4 of us. And I went to my room, hungry. After father went to bed, I checked the fridge for something. Anything. I found nothing beyond some molded cheeses, and a partially stale roll. No slices of bread. So, hungry and tired, I found shredded cheese in a bag, slapped it on the roll, and threw it in the microwave a few seconds. I scarfed it down. Then, I went to bed.

I woke up shaking and weary the next day. I looked for something, anything to cook, but all I had was breakfast foods, and some vegetables. None of the basics. No proteins. I think I made a grilled cheese with what remained, but that was all I ate that day. Everyone else in the house had money, and plenty of it, and they were buying meals daily, or groceries that only they were allowed to eat and wouldn't share with anyone. They went out with friends all day, or ordered in, and father spent all his time at the hospital with Mom. So, I was alone. Broker than broke. With no food. And no way to get food. If I asked anyone in my house, I'd have to pay them back. And I'll be damn lucky to pay off the $140 I owe the bank with this paycheck that's coming.

I considered going to my friend's parents for the night, and asking if they'd feed me by some miracle. But, ashamed, I didn't go. I cried myself to sleep, hungry, weak, and made an executive decision for myself: I'd, for the first time in my life, go to the food pantry, and see what I could get my hands on. Bring that to my room when nobody was looking so I wouldn't be judged or asked questions, and keep it hidden. I fell back asleep until the pantry opened, and, checking my phone as always, found that some kind stranger sent me money for food. I cried again.

That moment, desperate for anything protein to eat, I ordered chicken and cheese to be delivered to the house. I ate it all in one sitting, starving up until that moment. Then, for dinner, I got a pizza and giant cookie, which I split across two days.

Today, I got a call from my mom for the first time since I saw her in the hospital. She was on and off with health. Her legs are probably going to be bound tomorrow. She's still on oxygen, and there's a chance, when she comes home, she'll remain on it via a tank. Nobody is sure yet... And I'm scared.

She, at the latest, was supposed to come home today. But, like every day, the doctors extended her stay for another 3-4 more days at least. But in my heart, I know it'll be far more than that. 3 weeks overall since the first surgery. And things have just kept going to shit.

Today, I ate 2 bowls of pasta, which was at least 1lb of pasta. I also ate the last of my cookie. The remaining pasta will sustain me another day or two. But after that, seeing as I didn't go to the pantry, I don't know what I'm going to do. All I can do is hope that mom is back by then, and then I can ask for her money to go shopping for groceries with.

My friend returns tomorrow, after weeks away. 3 weeks I believe. I've lost track of time and how much has passed. I just know that I work again on Saturday, and that today, I'm meeting with my friend to talk after weeks apart. And, maybe, if I get the courage, I'll ask if she can buy me a bag of chips or something to help me out. If not, I understand, no big deal. But I'm scared shitless.

Things look bleak for me. When I gave everything to my job, it took everything from me without notice, at the worst possible time. I'm alone, on my own, until further notice. Until mom returns. Until I can land a new job that, maybe, just possibly, gives me more time. I'm not sure, though. I'm not sure about anything... I'm truly at my lowest. But I keep going, anyway, for the simple hope that it'll be better tomorrow than it was today. And someday that'll become reality. Like everything else, I'm not sure when that'll be. But I'll keep going, anyway. Through debt, hunger, and worse.

[honoringthehorrific]

I watched saw X so you really should!...

This review gets a little touchy feely but as always friends spoilers are under the cut...💉

So Saw X, our first prequel sequel (I think...I haven't seen spiral yet or jigsaw, sue me) takes place between saw 1 and 2. Our friend John Kramer, being told he only has months at best a year to live, gets the idea to go to Mexico for miracle surgery and medicine to cure his cancer! The only issue is the miracle is...well a lie. This movie does phenomenal with it's over the top effects. The blood, the bone, the only effect I thought was sort of meh was when we see a person's severed head later.

Over all the traps this go around are pretty good. I think they could have been a bit more over the top but they honestly didn't need to be. Jigsaw isn't playing in his home turf. The fact he is making something out of nearly nothing is really phenomenal to me.

This movie spares almost no time making you sympathize with John. He is dying and we are reminded of that this whole movie. He is not content to die easily. We are also put in a unique situation where we see John endure one of his own traps, given one of the less pain inducing ones. And we get to see how John reacts to an innocent being put into his traps. And we see a lot of really heartfelt moments between John and Amanda (my favorite relationship of the franchise) we see more of that father daughter like connection between them that really pulled my heart the first go around.

I think this movie really played to my heart because of the moments where Amanda tells John she cannot continue his work without him. She isn't ready for him to die. And not to get too personal but when you have family with cancer or really any illness, or even family that is just...old. when you care about them and they do get to that stage it is really hard to deal with. There honestly are moments where, at least in my experience, they ask you what you're going to do without them. And that's a very painful conversation to have and I think Amanda and John do it well.

Honestly I couldn't have rooted harder for a group of people to die. The only exception MAYBE being Gabriela. However I really just couldn't garner sympathy for these people who had manipulated a dying man and multiple dying people...not even the most innocent among them felt redeemable to me but maybe that's just a symptom of my personal life with sick relatives.

I hated how annoyingly cartoonishly evil Cecilia got towards the end. Teasing John, telling him to do the scary voice. Putting a child in the trap. And mirroring all of those people who love to criticize the franchise. "He's such a hypocrite for putting them in the traps and saying he doesn't kill people" Just....everything about her was sort of infuriating to me. I hated how open ended they left her death. I hated that they even gave the chance for someone like her to return in the future. Maybe we need infuriating characters like her. Maybe sometimes media is supposed to piss us off a little. But I really truly and deeply could not stand Cecilia. Not just for her actions but her nasty fucking attitude along side it.

Overall? A solid 5/5 in my book! 10/10 maybe since this is the 10th movie. Classic saw editing still, along with that fun yellowed "we're in Mexico" filter to tie the whole thing together.

[delirious-robot]

It's really hard to get myself out of this mental mind fuck... this loop... I go through these feelings of anger, hurt, WTF, and just depressed loss... it's like an everlasting never ending ache or stab in the heart, which can never be fixed, in the chest, and if I don't do something I feel like I'll explode... and then I do something (or substitute or get busy) and think "everything's gonna be great" again... and then either minutes or hours or the next day, another tidal wave of pain and frustration and just complete rage... you realize, I haven't said jealousy? No. It's not that. Its the fact of being betrayed and lied to. I could have dealt with it if it had been given to me as a disclosure. Like, right after he told me how much he wanted me, oh by the way, I've scheduled a dinner date this Sunday night. Just letting you know. That way - I could go, ok, cool. We don't need to talk anymore. And no drama, no calling him out, no nothing. Just, ok. Sure, I'd quietly go off by myself and suck my thumb for a bit, but it wouldn't be like being led on and being given the FULL impression that he was really still into me and wanted to come out here and see me, and then finding out he's scheduling meeting with other ladies behind my back. (We were broken up for a bit but kept talking, and then he let me know he was still interested in me, reaching for me) It would not be as bad. At least I would have known. It just makes me wonder, how much else was going on if he thought he could deceive me so easily?

Don't get super close to me, convince me you love me and I'm the only one for you and your special person, and talk to me almost every day for 5+ years (and about 15 visits months at a time sometimes) and then get on my bad side by lying to me and basically cheating and deceiving me. Not a good idea.

I just can't get out of this loop of ruminating, but I'm trying. Really trying. Each time it comes up, I have to do something to let it out.

And yes, that includes expressing it in writing somewhere or recording myself talking about it or something... I'm still just so shocked. I never thought I would be deceived like this by THAT guy.

It is really ineffective for me to just write it to myself in a written journal. Gives me no satisfaction at all.

But I know I will never get any apology, closure, explanation, admittance of responsibility. He can't face the shame, and he's devalued me so much from his own transgressions and secrets and lies that he thinks it doesn't matter any way.

He's never been on my bad side until now. Until I caught him lying and hiding, and I am sure that it's not the first time because I've seen this type of behavior before. But before, it's always been me trying to say, oh we can work it out, I'll take responsibility, I'll fix it, everything will be okay, I'll help, I'll be there for you when you need me...

Man, I really just hate being lied to and led on...

I just really feel like I can never be close to anyone ever again, never can trust again. Most people just leave or betray. I have to just go... oh well... I am still alive and dying doesn't feel good so I have to live so... I will survive to my best... maybe make something of my life now huh!

I wrote this below earlier. Just to get it out of my head. How I hate it and wish it would end. All of the pain. Endless sleepless nights. The crying every day in quiet alone moments. I am trying my best to just go after the things I love and things that make me happy. Tomorrow I'm going to the zoo with the kids.

***

my heart is broken beyond repair... shattered into a million pieces. And yet, he just doesn't care, and I'm to blame for "asking too many questions" (even though before that we were talking in "normal" condition and he was telling me how he was still trying to figure out solutions to getting out here - on March 8 2023) when he admitted seeing someone else for a dinner date, and then told me he'd never speak to me again if I didn't stop asking any questions about it. right after sending me lewd messages days earlier, along with giving me the impression it was safe to talk with him because he had deleted dating apps and "would be nice if we could have worked" because he couldn't find better... I'm not your back up plan.

and won't be your "side chick" or be downgraded like you think I will hang around while you go test the waters elsewhere. fuck you weak ass man, liar, how dare you play around with my heart and intimacy like that and use me for your "supply". You could have just told me BEFORE it.

I will walk alone through this life, and be the strongest fucking warrior woman to ever have as an ally if I am yours.

I'll try not to post anything anymore about it.

Wondering if he has any "flying monkeys" spying on me lol. Whatever. Probably going out to see more lady friends or friend this weekend too. It just torments me. I thought what we had really was special, and that I was the one and only like he told me. It's just really hurts to know that he's sharing himself with other women "friends" giving them the impression he's on the market, after only days of sending me intimate messages and telling me he wanted to work out a solution.