#YOUVE NEVER SEEN A MAN MORE DOWN BAD. HE REALIZES HE LIKES HER LIKE BEFORE CHAP 10 AND THEN HAS 70 MORE

[loverofallthingssmart]

omg what book….. :0

okay technically i kind of lied abt it being a book its a manhwa (which is like. the korean version of manga IMSORRY IF THATS A WRONG DEF. but itskind of like a graphic novel/visual novel which still counts . TO ME. ) its called observing elena evoy/my observational diary of elena evoy depending on where u read it from it is so cute literally nothing bad happens ever i cannot stop smiling and giggling im obsessed <3

[yesimwriting]

hiii, this might seem weird but do u have any head cannons for when the reader is pregnant and how the Darkling would react?

a/n love this concept,, it's not weird at all!! i feel like there's so much here!! also i leave for college this month and im lowkey starting to freak out so ive been watching star wars movies for comfort 😭and now i have half a mind to write for them, especially the prequels (cough, cough,, anakin) 😭 😭 that should tell you where i am mentally

anyways lets get into the headcanons:))

--

- okay so like most of my headcanons, this is probably going to be all over the place bc i feel like so many different things could change how he would react. Like if the darkling x reader have been trying to get pregnant, or an unplanned pregnancy with someone he really likes, i also think whether or not the reader is a grisha affects his reaction too

- in general though, i think he'd lowkey have a breeding kink he'd def find something about the thought of you having his child really attractive bc for one thing, he wouldn't have to worry about being left alone and now he has an excuse to be a real 'protector'.

- also if youve read my other headcanons i am 100000% convinced that he has this thing where if he really likes someone he needs them to need him (let's all remember the whole 'i will strip you of everything you know and love speech until I'm your only shelter' speech he gave to Alina)

- also i kinda want to write a fic or blurb series or something that's just the darkling being super toxic in super thoughtful ways LMAO if that makes sense, like he's being super sweet but it's to make sure the reader is dependent on him

- and he def wants to be the protector to give himself some sense of assurance bc he's so desperate to not be alone anymore and bc the reader is the only person he has/loves, he wants to feel in control and like he's the less attached one

- okay,, let's get back to the pregnancy thing, anyways, your pregnancy is most definitely activating all of those senses and this was meant to be a sub plot but it kind of became it's own thing lol

- so lets get to the actual pregnancy reaction

if you two have been trying to get pregnant:

- when you tell him, he kind of like, pauses bc it's not every day that he gets surprised so it takes him a moment to register that he's experiencing shock lol, so he tenses and goes islent

- and then after he realizes that he's surprised and that it's bc of a good thing, he manages to relax

- meanwhile you're kind of freaking out bc he got so quiet?? you start to wonder if he's regretting ever wanting a child with you? and you're like two seconds away from a downspiral and then he...

- he touches your cheek and looks at you in a way you've never seen him look at anyone,, not even you

- the look is so warm and strong and full of fierce admiration that you feel foolish for ever thinking he didn't want this. And then he says something about how you're carrying his child and how he didn't realize he could adore you more and then he kisses you and it's all :)) warm:)

- he doesn't want anyone to know that he's expecting a child as long as possible bc of how many enemies he has and how he has to worry about you enough when people just know that you're his 'lover' (a title you never really liked, but one he tells you is necessary to make sure no one realizes the extent of his attachment)

- if you really want to tell your mother or someone of that relation, he won't be mad about it, but he just needs to know

- Genya is the only exception bc the darkling basically instructs her to look out for you,, but when you tell her she's like oh?? you guys just found out?

- miss girl most definitely noticed like a day and a half ago after you cried bc she couldn't find you ice cream the other night 😭and she just assumed you knew but weren't ready to tell anyone

- okay so this what i think is his most problematic expecting father trait would be. So i just ranted about how important secrecy would be to him but he's also the most overprotective person in the entire world,, like he was bad before but once he knows your with child?? yeah, if a man asks you about the weather, he's done for

- he's next to you in a second, ordering either you or the man to do some asinine task

- if you get mad about this (rightfully so) or even just point out how nothing is wrong and you having a casual conversation with a man who isn't even looking at you sexually won't hurt you or the baby, he'll lose rationality

- it depends on how much you push, but it'd be super easy to make him super possessive bc like i said, being bonded by a child has made him so much more intense (and he was pretty intense before)

- and if you push too much he'll lowkey forget about how cautious he's trying to be with you and pin you against the nearest wall and say something along the lines of 'are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it.' (AH--i want to write a whole fic based on this line)

- also if the reader is grisha, especially if she's a sun summoner/special grisha like him, he def talks about the power that they've created and how proud he already is and how he can't wait to train together and be the most powerful family in the world

- not everything is perfectly happy though, bc now he feels more pressure to complete his plan and establish the world he wants his child to be born into

- so sometimes when he's working extra hard or is extra aggressive for no reason, you have to work at calming him down and reminding him that the best thing he can do for his child is be there for them (and the child's mother,, lol)

- sometimes he'll respond by actually listening to you and trying to make up for his absence or his aggression by being extra soft until you finally forgive him

- you never last that long, it's hard to be mad at him when he's coddling you and whispering such sweet things about he's so happy to have you and your future child

- overall, his first reaction is to swell with emotion, which he isn't used to, and so he becomes super protective but also extra lovey and you know that his overreactions are just him trying to show that he cares about you and your future child more than anything

If the pregnancy was unplanned:

- the initial reaction is pretty similar, only his state of shock lasts longer

- like i said at the beginning, he's not used to being surprised and an accidental pregnancy is so much more surprising than a planned pregnancy

- this really sucks for you bc he's not exactly known for his patience so you just kinda sit there and genuinely wonder if you're going to be a single mom or if you're going to want to deletus the fetus or something

- but then he takes a step towards you and you see how he's looking at you and you just know that that fierceness has to mean something good

- and at this point you're scared and nervous and feel so alone so tears are pricking at your eyes,, so he wipes his thumb across your cheek to wipe away tears you won't let spill

- he then whispers something really sweet about how you two are now together forever, as you should be

- it's really relieving bc you felt so alone and uncertain and he's such a smooth speaker that by the end of the night, you feel like this is a good thing

- if youre still hesitant/weighing your options, he's not above trying to (gently) manipulate you into thinking that what he wants may be the only way

- by that,, i don't mean outright tricking you bc he means everything he says, but he def is pushing the keeping the baby agenda,, especially if you're a grisha,, and even more so if you're a grisha with similar power levels to him

- he won't get angry at first bc he's not so out of touch that he's unaware of how shocking a pregnancy is to a woman who wasn't planning one,, but his patience is limited and if you fight it too much he will get mad and yell

- but unless you really don't want to have a child, it won't get to that bc he makes the idea of having a baby with him sound so perfect?? like you genuinely don't understand how he did that

- he chases away all of your worries and assures you that youre not alone and that even though it isn't planned he wouldn't rather anyone else carry his child

- the initial conversation would probably end in you two sleeping together again bc he finds the fact that you're carrying his child so attractive and bc being aware of the pregnancy makes him more possessive

- it's also a good way to fight any of your doubts

- speaking of being possessive though,, i feel like he could be a little more possessive/protective of a reader who didn't plan on getting pregnant bc your relationship has been less established

- no one sees you as anything to him and he doesn't want to start rumors now bc it's important to him that his enemies don't find out about you or his future child so he doesn't want that to change

- but he almost forgets about all of those reasons each time he sees a man get a little too close,, especially if that guy is flirty

- it takes all of his will power to not just go 'she's mine and if i wasn't worried about the stress that witnessing something violent would cause our unborn child, you'd be dead already, but if you're not gone by the time i turn around, i'll forget about caution'

- lots of close calls ngl!! at one point youre like 'if it bothers you so much, maybe you should tell someone??' and he's like 'no,, maybe,, shut up' and then you raise one eyebrow and he just closes his mouth and is like 'i mean,, i'll kiss you to shut you up, haha--dont be mad'

- youre the one that's pregnant but sometimes you think he might be the one experiencing the mood swings i swear 😭

- so your little theory gets tested,, he's not the type to gossip with his besties and be like 'guess who's officially my girlfriend, i knocked her up but it's not like it sounds--'

- so he's like ig you can tell genya

- once again genya is like ?? yall thought you were keeping that secret? couldn't be me

- but having it a little out in the open helps ease him just enough that youre actually capable of consoling him when he becomes jealous

- still though,, he's quick to go into possessive/pregnancy kink sex

- youre most def not mad about it,, unless pregnancy has you particularly sore

- he's normally pretty understanding about that and def doesn't mind pulling his weight in the bedroom when he needs

- honestly he'd be really good at being a source of calmness at the beginning, but as time goes on he becomes more and more worried about finishing his plans bc he didn't expect to have a child right now

- so he'd be more adamant about working/becoming more tense and would be more difficult to console if it was an accidental pregnancy

- when you call him out on it--or on anything while your pregnant--it's frustrating for you both bc the number one thing everyone knows is stress is bad for baby, so he's trying to keep you calm without backing down

- these argument always end with one of you clinging to the other,, and then the more angrier of the two just like shuts up, rolls their eyes, and lets go of the argument...at least for now

- the main difference between an accidental and intentional pregnancy would probably be how you perceive him,, bc an intentional pregnancy means youve talked about things but since you havent talked about anything your shocked about how soft he becomes ??

[daddynegandesires]

My little runaway pt. 3

(Summary: after returning back to the sacutuary negan leaves on one of his runs only to come back to an unexpected turn of events.)

⚠Warning: strong language, angst, physical fighting, smut⚠

Mature content

3 days later

Its been days since negan has been out on his run youve been helping out around the sanctuary cleaning and cooking for everyone. You have been letting people slide without using their points for food and other activities. The point system always seemed like a dumb idea to you never seemed fair to have people earn points just for things they desperately needed. Finishing up the dishes in the kitchen you heard everyone in the dining hall go silent. You walked around the corner to see everyone on their knees..negan must have arrived you kept yourself hidden in the kitchen knowing you havent been exactly following by his rules since he has been gone. Quietly finishing putting up the dishes you sneak outside around back moments before negan suddenly bursts outside.

"(Y/n)....where are you!!" Negan began pacing around looking for you when he turned the corner to see you leaning up against the wall

"You!..."

Negan charged up to you grabbing you by the throat slamming you against the wall.

"What is with you!?" You said clearly before getting all of the air stuck from entering into you

Negan began to drag you back inside infront of all saviors throwing you on the floor with a loud thump as your body hit the ground.

" i want everyone to see whos in charge here and its me!! Not her..me...im sorry you guys have to witness this the hard way....but you leave me no other choice..rules are rules!" negan gripped lucille tightly raising her above his head

You were sitting on the concrete floor still trying to comprehend everything that is going on and, in a sudden flash you were struck across the arm. A sharp shooting pain bursted throughout my whole body causing me to scream in agony. Blood was rushing down your arm you covered it with your hand feeling it seep between your fingers. You were now laying on the floor crying infront of everyone feeling humiliated while negan stood there with a nasty grin. He began to get ready to strike you again. The bat slashed across your arm again this time harder and more painful feeling of the barbwire sinking into your flesh ripping it off. You tried to protect your face with your hands before he could get another swing in. Blood now splattered all over negan your screams now filled the building of the sanctuary

"Negan stop!" Dwight stepped infront of negan blocking you

Negans eyes grew black as he realized what dwight was doing. He knew he was getting his fair share of punishment too for stepping up.

"She cant take it.....negan she is your bestfriend she is bleeding out you are going to kill her!" Dwight yelled

Realizing what he had just done negan dropped lucille to the ground everything began to feel like it was in slow-motion and, my head was pounding. Negan pushed Dwight out of the way and scooped you up dripping blood all over his white shirt he rushed you to the doctor they had there. Busting in through the door he placed you down on the operating table the last thing you seen was negan staring back at you before everything went black.

*Nightmare*

"Fuck me harder..." You could feel yourself slowly buckling under him.

With every thrust negan was grunting louder his cock filled you up perfectly. The wetness of your pussy making that sexy sound he loved so much. You had almost forgotten that you were fucking in his and lucilles bed...which made you feel like a peice of shit. Lucille was in the hospital dying from cancer and negan said this was a way to help him "cope". I thought otherwise....

"Fuck you are so tight.....your pussy feels so fucking good" negan moaned biting at your neck slamming into your pussy faster.

You began to drag your nails down his back causing him to grunt out in pain he then grabbed you by the throat squeezing untill you let out small moans. He began fucking you faster you couls feel his cock swelling up inside of you getting him closer to the edge of blowing his load. He took his free hand gently rubbing it over your clit. Your moaning grew louder and louder the faster his fingers went.

"Negan.....how could you!" A faint voice called out.....

*end of Nightmare*

You suddenly woke up in a sweaty panic to only realize you were hooked up to IV monitor's. You began to raise yourself up when a sharp pain beamed through your arm causing you to cry out in pain you looked around the room and spotted negan in the chair beside you slumped over fast asleep. Everything that happended slwoly started coming back to you negan humiliating you infront of everyone and, almost killing you with lucille.

"Your up..." Neagn said in a raspy tired tone

You couldn't bring yourself to say anything to him not after what he just did to you he could have killed you!. All you could do was stare at him you didnt even know who you were staring at anymore all you knew is that you had to get out of here nothing will ever change with him. Ever.

Negan rose up from his seat moving over to the bed sitting down by you he raised up his hand to caress your face which caused you to flinch. His face looked full of guilt and sadness he was struggling to keep eye contact with you. You pushed his hand off of you shooting him a dirty look.

"I need you to leave....now" you spoke through gritted teeth turning your face away from him.

"I dont want anything to do with you ever again!!..im done with you..now get out!" A fire grew inside of you, your voice full of rage there was no other choice but to distance yourself from this moster. Negans face twitched at the words that had just came out of your mouth he looked at you one last time before stading up to grab Lucille. It felt like there was a knot in your throat it was hard for you to do this but it had to end this way.

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Its been weeks since me and negan have spoke let alone make eye contact with eachother. Ive been getting along with everyone nicely in the sanctuary even have been going on a few supply runs, not with negan course. My arm was almost fully healed but im left with an eye sore of a scar i have to deal with for the rest of my life. I cant forgive negan for what he did to me he went to far this time i can no longer put my trust in him. My night terrors have been increasingly bad lately i always end up tossing and turning all night. Dwight and i have actually been getting along with eachother and working as a team he has been keeping in touch with rick for me. Dwight isnt so fond of negan anymore either hes been sneaking around behind negans back giving information to Daryl.

I was in my room getting dressed when there was a sudden knock on my door it was dwight.

"Hey...how you doing?" He walked in leaving the door open behind him

"Im okay. Whats up?" I questioned, while sliding a knife into my belt loop

"Im not sure how to say this but we have to go on a run today wit-"

"Okay? Thats fine with me" i cut him off mid scentence while sliding on my leather jacket

"With negan..." He finished.

You took a deep breath in and ruffled your hair with your fingers annoyingly before letting your hands fall on your thighs causing it to make a slapping sound. Dwight stood there staring at the ground nervously waiting for you to respond.

"Okay then..." Letting out a deep sigh as much as you didnt want to be around negan you really didnt have any other choice right now. You and dwight left your room only to bump yourself into negan causing you both to grunt you just pushed right past him not saying anything making your way out to the truck ready to leave. Negan walks outside up to the truck you can hear him faintly whispering to someone. The door flings open and with one swift motion negan plops down in his seat slamming the door shut. You could feel negans eyes on you from the rearview mirror. Dwight hopped in the driver seat and drove off causing for an awkward silence untill we reached our destination.

"I gotcha.." Dwight said holding out his hand to help you out of the truck

All you could do was keep quiet and take the offer dwight was giving, negan as usual was standing there with a cocked smile ready at any moment to say some smartass bullshit. The three of us began to walk off when we came up on a pharmacy the windows were untouched, no broken glass all of the shelves look fully stocked Negan walked in tapping lucille on the counter giving warning to any walkers that could be inside. I followed behind him heading straight over to the medicine filling my bag up. All negan could do was walk around while watching me and dwight stock up on everything we needed.

"This place is a gold mine....untouched" negan said pacing back and forth

You were watching Negan gaze out of the front window of the building when we heard a yell come from the backroom we all quickly ran back there it was a man getting eaten by a walker, ripping his flesh off of his bones peice by peice.

"Put him out of his misery what are you waiting for!!?" You panicked yelling at negan

"Dwight ..." Negan said in a low tone

"You fucking coward!" You quickly pulled your gun out of your pocket pulling the trigger putting a bullet in the poor mans skull

"Wow....fiesty..." Negan said licking his bottom lip

"You fucking disgust me!...you are pathetic!!" You shoved your gun back into your pocket marching up to negan

"Dont excite me now darlin.." He let out a dirty grin slicking his hair back with his free hand

"Im so fucking tired of you...you act like you are the greatest man alive. You are a cheater! And a liar! Thats all you ever will be lucille would of never wanted this!" you screamed in his face before marching back to the truck. Negan and dwight came out to the truck shortly while gathering up the rest of the supplies. All you could do was sit with your arms crossed and a bitchy look on your face. Negan kept glacing at you out of the corner of his eye as if he had to keep watch over you.

When you arrived back at the sanctuary you rushed out of the truck storming off to your room slamming the door shut behind you. You were rumaging through the cabnets hoping to find a bottle of alcohol to calm yourself down with. The thoughts just kept floading through your head the night lucille died...you couldnt get negan cheating on her out of your mind you felt so guily so, disgusted with yourself...you were her bestfriend and you were fucking her husband. Grabbing ahold of the glass filled with dark brown alcohol you popped the lid off bringing it up to your lips. The smell of it almost stinging your nose, swallowing the alcohol it burned your throat a feeling you havent felt inawhile. Tears were streaming down your face as you slide down the wall behind you chugging down your drink. I just want to forget everything...

[sero-sphere]

Writing Prompt : Serial Killer Tomura Shigaraki

listen so i know its been awhile. alot of things happened. i got a new job, my computer broke, my computer got fixed....bnha season 4 ended. Tiger King was a thing, and obviously quarantine.

also sorry this is what i decided to post first. youve all been warned!

Prompt: a serial killer who finds their victims through dating apps has finally chosen their next target. they've been texting for a while and had planned what would've been a fatal first date, but then the country went on lockdown. the killer keeps in touch figuring they might as well keep around another potential victim except...they’re kinda starting to like this one.

(Serial killer Tomura x f reader)

Warnings: murder, non-con everything? , mention of rape? idk its bad he kills people. maybe a little hybristophilia if you look real close.  (pls just remember none of this is real and proceed with caution....thnks)

1 week before quarantine:

It had only been three days since you re-downloaded tinder off of a whim. There had been some pretty interesting matches up until this point, but you were flip flopping between two guys mainly. One was tall with dark hair. He was covered in burns that only seemed to add to his allure. He was hot, figuratively and literally. The other was another kind of mystery all together. He had denied all your requests for any more pictures of himself. He obviously had the standard few shown in his bio, but those were mostly all body pics. It’s not like he was even that big, his muscles were no doubt toned as anything, but, like the first boy, he was littered in scars that intrigued you. The chemistry the two of you shared seemed stronger in your opinion than with the first. You were dying to see him in person, after all you had only been able to see so much during your facetime calls.

After some time, you finally narrowed it down. You decided to take a risk and go with what was behind door number 2. Tomura Shigaraki.

 1 day before quarantine:

After a few days of chatting, the two of you had teased each other so much you couldn’t stand it anymore. You were just dying for him to ask to see you in person. You and your friends had stopped going to the clubs recently, and you just hoped your now empty schedule would line up with his at some point this week. Everyone around you was getting sicker and sicker so the club was definitely a no go for now. Plus, with the way you looked, it might be a bit dangerous. Still, you hoped to play your cards just right, and finally get him to give in. You decided a little impromptu face time session was the next step. Removing your sweatshirt, leaving you in only a tank top, you grabbed your phone.

-----------------------------------------    ≧◠‿◠≦✌    -----------------------------------------

Halfway through the call you were starting to tune him out when you heard him snap at you. “What are you paying attention to? Those eyes should be on me.”

Bashfully, you turned back to your phone. “Sorry, I mean, have you seen the news? Not only do they talk about the virus 24/7, they also talk about those murders all the time.”

“Oh…yeah?” He hardened slightly at the unintended mention of him.

“Yeah, I mean if the virus doesn’t take me out…I’m pretty sure this guy might. All the victims look almost exactly like me.”

He really was a sucker for your innocence. “Oh, I guess he must have a type...”

“Yeah it’s quite interesting.” Your eyes flicked up to your screen, then back to the T.V

“Interesting?” Shigaraki was genuinely confused.

Returning your gaze to your phone, you finally answered him. “Yeah I think so, why you don’t?”

Interesting was the last thing people called him. Freak, psycho, yeah, but interesting? “I’m not sure…why, are you interested in him?”

“Well, you just said he has a type…I just wonder what it is about girls like me that make him go crazy….I bet you he has mommy issues!” You said with a giggle.

“Hah, mommy issues…”

“Either that or he’s got one of those weird brother sister relationships…maybe if I pretend he’d let me live.” You moaned slightly into the speaker. “Oh, oniichan~”

He coughed to stop himself from moaning. “Maybe it’s a bit of both.” Admittedly you did look like his mom and sister. More similar to which, was the real question.

“Oh, you think?… Who doesn’t have family issues these days….”

He was silent as you continued to theorize about him unknowingly.  He couldn’t stop himself from asking “What would you say to him, ya know? You said you look like his victims…haven’t you thought about if it was to happen to you?”

“Hmm….. I guess I’d ask him why?”

“Why what?”

“Why kill them? Like I wonder what happened in his life for him to be able to do something like that?”

“That’s what you would say? Not scream for help?” All of his past victims screamed, God he hated that. That’s why he ended up shoving his cock down their throats half the time. Anything to get them to shut up.

“If I’m going to die anyway why not take the opportunity to get to know him a little. Might sound morbid, but he doesn’t let people get away.”

“Seems like you know a lot about this guy?” He asked probingly.

“I’ve been curious, nothing really going on in the world other than this virus...”

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1 week into quarantine:

After that conversation Tomura became intrigued as to what you would think when you finally realized who he was. If you would really be brave enough to ask him ‘why’, right before he decided to take your life.  He was looking forward to the day you would finally agree to leave your house again. You were in the middle of a global pandemic after all. Until then, he had his ways of continuing his mission.

He started by hacking into the local hospital records. Truth be told he wasn’t ready to die, or be caught yet, so every week he would hack away for the names of the women who had recently been tested, and were found to be negative for the virus. He then sifted through their social media for girls that fit his profile. There weren’t too many, and he had to settle for a few that were a bit out of his age range.

A few weeks went by, the two of you keeping in touch every night. Tomura still finding suitable replacements until you were finally in his grasps. He didn’t want to give himself away by dragging you out, there were no excuses he could even think of at this point. It was better to wait, at least that’s what he kept telling himself.

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3 weeks into quarantine:

“Victim? Victim, honey you’re my fifth one….”

After the deed was done, and he was just about to head out of there, Shigarakis phone started to ring. He was going to ignore it at first until he saw it was you.  It was rather unusual for you to call this early. You both kept to a strictly late night schedule. Curiosity got the better of him.

“Hey…” He answered, huffing into the phone. He was ashamedly out of breath after everything that just transpired.

“Oh hey, I didn’t think you were going to answer.”

“Well. I did…so what’s up?”

“Why do you sound so out of breath? What were you jerking off…” You said teasingly.

“No, I was about to though…” He wasn’t lying, he usually goes home to finish himself. Maybe now was the chance to take a little risk.

“Wanna help me get there?” Yup, he was doing this.

“Yeah, of course I do.” You replied, unaware of what the person on the other end of the phone was really about to do.

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3 weeks and 2 days into quarantine:

“Hey Tomu, you hear about what the killer left behind this time?” You all but nearly shouted, as soon as Shigaraki accepted your facetime call.

“Hmm, what was it?” If he had to take a guess, he bet he could figure out what it was.

“He came all over her face, he’s never done that before!…do you think he killed her before or after?”

“Probably before…” Probably? Yeah right, he knew for a fact he killed her before your little call to him.

“Yeah you’re probably right. They said this one was a bit older, I wonder if that helped him out more…ya’ know cause his supposed mommy issues.”

“Somehow I don’t think that’s the case…”

He couldn’t really tell you it was you, who indeed got him there. Staring at that body that somewhat resembled you, while you were saying all those things to him. He really couldn’t wait to have you. He usually wasn’t a man of patience, so he couldn’t figure out why he hasn’t actually killed you yet. He kept making up excuses but deep down, he knew he was growing quite fond of you. He couldn’t help that you were stroking his ego every time he did something riskier and you would comment on it.  

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4 weeks into quarantine:

 The last girl was different. They no longer felt right to him. He knew he had to have you. He wondered if he would miss you after it was done. Was he going to fuck you before or after? You weren’t going to be alive to theorize with him afterwards, that made him a little sad. He picked up his phone and shot you a text.

[mysteryofren]

Im Sorry

part 13 of So Happy Together

12: https://mysteryofren.tumblr.com/post/616079953974444032/nice-to-see-youve-made-a-friend

  “My love, trust me had i known they were here, i wouldn't have brought you.” you felt like passing out. 

“Why would she not want to see her own mother and father?” you heard your mother's voice. It sickened you. 

 All you saw was your grandfather yelling as he fought with your parents. You couldn't move. You couldn't speak. You felt as if you weren't even really there. 

“Stop.” it only came out as a whisper as they kept yelling.

“Stop.” it was a bit louder. You watched as Ben got up from the table and walked towards you and Matt. they were still fighting. 

“STOP.” you screamed out. Just then everyone turned to you. The tears poured down your face as you looked at your grandfather. Ben stood on the other side of you. He put an arm around your shoulder to try and calm you down. 

“NO dont FUCKING touch me.” you yelled in his face. You were crying so hard Matt proceeded to hold your hand again. He said nothing knowing you needed to let it out. 

“I’m so sick and tired of you trying to be nice in front of everyone so they think you're nice.” you turned to the room. “Newsflash he's an asshole, and a giant one too. He acts like we're friends, but we're not. Me and Matt are friends.” 

They all stared at you like you were crazy, but you didn't care. You were sick of everything. 

“Y/N you're embarrassing us stop it right now.” you're mother said from her seat. You turned to her. 

“No. You don't get to step in and parent when it benefits you. BOTH of you. It's not fair that you ignore me and act like you hate me, but when we're in front of your friends you act like I'm everything to you two. This isn't even embarrassing. you wanna see embarrassing? I'll show it to you!”

 You let go of Matt and walked further into the dining area. “These two assholes haven't seen me in three years. They ignored every call, every text, and every single fucking attempt i made to have a connection with them. We’re not a family we’re a fucking joke. The only person who cares is pop pop! He raised me, but they won't tell you that. You know why?”

Everyone was silent. Now they were looking at your parents who looked nervous. 

“They won't tell you that he raised me, because they want you to think they did. They want you to think I turned out great with them as parents. If I were being honest though they didn't have shit to do with me. I work my ass off to get the grades I get. I work my ass off to help with charities, and fundraisers at school and in my personal life.” 

You turned to your father who made his way over to your mother. 

“The worst part is I can't even hate you. I want you both to love me so bad, but i know it will never happen. It's okay though. I don't need you guys. I have pop pop and my friends. It's you guys who are losing out on something great, not me.” there was nothing but silence. Deep down you were screaming at yourself for what you had just done, but you needed this. You walked over to your grandfather and hugged him. You whispered an apology before running off. You heard your name being called by everyone, but you didn't care. You wanted to get away. You ran right out the door and just kept running. It was cold, but you couldn't feel it. It was about 5 minutes before you realized you didn't know where you were going. In your weird anxious haze you left your phone back at the Skywalker house. That's when it all hit you. What were they saying about you? Were they laughing at you? You kept running, you stayed running for a while. 

About 30 minutes out you got tired and decided to just walk. At this point you had no clue where you were. You didn't want to go back so you kept following the road you were one. It was getting cold. Too cold. You needed to get inside somehow. You recognized nothing around you. Eventually you just walked up to a random door, and knocked hoping whoever was inside would open. After about a minute the door opened, and you saw a woman on the other side. She was Tall, and had a small frame. She had kind looking eyes, and hair that looked like it had some purple fading out of it.

“Excuse, “ you said in the gentlest voice you could. “Im very lost and have no clue where i am. I left my phone at someones house, and was wondering if i could use yours to call someone.”

“Of course you can come in.” she opened the door wider and moved so you could come in. 

“I'm so sorry about this, i've been walking for a while, and had no idea where i was going.” 

“Its absolutely no problem. Do you know the number of the person you need to call?” 

“Yes ma’am.” she handed you her phone, and you dialed the only number you knew by heart.

‘Elaine? Its Y/N.’

‘Stars Y/N where are you? Matt said you ran off and left all your stuff at his house’

‘I don't want to talk about it. Do you think you can come get me? I can't go back there.’

‘Of course, can you send me the address?’

‘Yeah. thank you El’

‘I'll be leaving as soon as you send it. I love you. Be safe.’

 She hung up and you turned to the woman and asked if she could send the address to Elaine. She took the phone and typed it out quick before handing it back. 

“Thank you so much ma’am i really appreciate it. I'm going to go ahead and wait outside for my friend.” 

“In that cold? Over my dead body you're staying in here where it's warm.” for the first time in the night you smiled. She led you into her living room and motioned for you to sit on the couch.

“Im Y/N.” you held your hand out to her. 

“Hello Y/N, im Amilyn. Amilyn Holdo.” she took your hand and shook it.

“Amilyn. That's a beautiful name.”

“Thank you dear, can i get you anything? A drink maybe? Something warm to get your body temp up?” 

“Some teas would be wonderful.” she stood up and walked out of the room. You looked around and took in your surroundings. The living room was beautifully decorated. It had a modern look to it, everything was black or white. She had a few photos on the wall. One of her and a man, another of the man, and one of her in a military uniform. You stood up and went over to study it more. She was younger in the photo. Much younger. Maybe her 20’s. You through the other photos, and saw in some she was older. You looked and saw her getting the tea ready and you called out to her. 

“You were in the military?”

“Yes, right out of high school. It's all I had ever wanted to do.”

“How long?” 

“About 20 years. I was an admiral when I was medically discharged.”

“That's amazing. Do you mind if i ask what you do now?”

“Let me get your tea ready, and i'll tell you a story.” 

You sat on the couch once more and a couple of seconds later she walked in and handed you a mug. She sat next to you and told you everything. She had met her husband when she had first started in the military. They both knew it was love at first sight and got married almost as soon as they started dating. They had saved up all their money so that once they retired they could open a small bakery together. She told you about how they had made so many plans for it. They had the name, logo, and decor set up for the whole thing. Then one day they were both stationed out somewhere. She didn't want to talk about exactly what happened, but she got hurt. He died. She was discharged and she moved here. She used the life insurance to buy a small space to open the bakery up, and made their dream come true. It was heartbreaking. the way she talked about him. You could tell she still loved him. A lot. 

“How long has the bakery been around now?” 

“About 3 years. It's not much, but I have a lot of loyal customers, and I love what I do.”

“What's the name?”

“The Huts. It was an inside joke between me and my husband so naming it that felt right.”

 You two stayed talking for an hour before there was a knock at her door. She stood and opened it. 

“I'm sorry. Is my friend here, her name is Y/N.”

“Yes, come in dear.” she moved 

 You watched as Elaine scooted past Amilyn and rushed over to you. 

“Thank god you're okay! C’mon Matt is meeting us at the dorms to give your things back.” you got up and Amilyn walked over to take the mug from your hands. 

“Amilyn, i can't tell you how much i appreciate what you did.”

“Listen darling, i know what it's like to be scared and alone. I'm glad you knocked on my door. Some other people in the neighborhood may not have been as kind.” She put the mug down and grabbed a pen and paper and scribbled something on it. 

“If you ever need anything feel free to call, or stop by the bakery. I'm always happy to help.”  she handed the paper over, and on it was 2 numbers and 2 addresses. You figured one was the bakeries address and number with the other being her personal ones. You hugged her and she hugged back. She gave good hugs too. It was a warm, and comforting hug. You walked out with El as you thanked her again. You got in her car and you two drove in silence. You didn't want to talk, and she knew. It was about an hour later you saw the lights of the campus in the distance. 

“You almost gave us a heart attack. When Matt called he was in a panic he didn't know where you were.” you could hear she was about to cry. “I got scared. When you never went back I thought something had happened to you.”

“Hey,” you put your hand on her shoulder as she drove. “I'm ok. I'll tell you everything when we get there.” she nodded her head and you both stayed silent as she pulled into the school parking lot. You saw Matt, Hux, and Phasma standing near your dorm. As they saw the Car pull in they ran over. You took a deep breath and stepped out as they got closer. Phas was the first to get to you. She hugged you tight as everyone else stood around. When she let go they all looked up and down your body as if examining it for anything wrong. Finally Matt broke the silence. 

“I grabbed your things from my room.” he held out your bag. 

“Thanks. I'm sorry about everything that happened. I have no clue what got into me. I just. Lost it”

“Hey you have every right to.” he assured you. “My parents didn't know about them, all they knew was that you and Obi-Wan hadn't seen them in a while. They thought it would be a nice surprise. My mom wants you to know that had she known she would have never done it.” 

“It's not their fault. Nobody really knows about us. I'm just sorry I ruined their dinner and embarrassed myself.”

“If it helps, my dad said he's proud of you for doing it.” you laughed. It helped a little. You all decided to head inside the dorm. Elaine unlocked the door and let you in. Apparently when they heard what happened Hux and Phasma had ordered a pizza for you guys and took it in the room. You all sat around as you and Matt told them about what happened that night. You told them about the rage you felt inside you. How you couldn't handle everything happening around you at the time. Matt told you about how after you stormed off your grandfather continued to scold them, and yell at them. He told you about how they thought you would be back after you cooled off, and about the panic that happened when 30 minutes passed and you still had not returned. That's when Leia sent Ben and Matt to look for you. Once you left Matt had texted Elaine about it. When you didnt come back he immediately called her and found out she was already on her way to you.

“He wanted to come too. I know seeing him is the last thing you want to do right now though.”

“Thanks. Was my grandfather okay when I left?”

“He was worried, but when i told him you were safe, and Elaine was getting you he eased up. He also continued yelling at your parents.” that sounded like him. They all stayed with you for a bit before deciding to go. Everyone hugged you and told you how happy they were that you were safe. Elaine went to bed almost as soon as they were gone. You sent a text to your grandfather letting him know you were safe, and that you were sorry. You put your phone on its charger and laid out. You were exhausted. You were just about to drift away when you heard your phone vibrate. You looked at the text you had gotten.

‘I'm glad you're safe. Im sorry.’

 It was from Ben.

[mrsjokerphoenix]

CH. 1 Primed for Sin

Notes: This is my first fanfic so it’s probably not so good LOL its a bit personal and inspired by my own story of losing the love of my life. I was also listening to Slow dancing in a burning room by John Meyer to set the mood. Im open to constructive criticism so I can improve and make chpt 2 better. Enjoy

Ch. 1 primed for sin

This was your final walk down this hallway in Arkham hospital. The same hospital you came to a year ago looking for adventure and to escape the rut of all the daunting paperwork. When you were first hired by the CIA 6 years ago you naively thought it would be like a oo7 movie or spies you see in Hollywood movies. You couldn’t be more mistaken. A chuckle escaped your mouth as you signed in the sign in sheet. You could start to feel your legs getting heavier and heavier with every daunting step you took.

“Is Dr. Quinn in there? You asked the guard. Taking a drink of your black coffee. Bad idea your anxiety was already Moments away from becoming a panic attack.

“Yes, she’s waiting for you.” He answered in his usual bored monotone voice.

“Thank you, once she leaves bring in Arthur please and then you’re free to go as well until our session is over.” Quinn was Arthur’s state psychiatrist. You had paid her off so you could meet with Arthur privately. It had been a year and half since Meeting with Gary about a possible operation. Get his “lad” as he like to call Arthur, out of Arkham. Your specialty was arms deals but something in you wouldn’t let you turn it down.

You were able to pull some strings and be assigned as Arthurs new Doctor with the help of his current one. As a rogue agent you naturally distrusted her. Luckily she didn’t want the case and You were able to pay her off so she would leave during our sessions. Today would be the last one and by tomorrow Arthur or rather Joker would be a free man. You could feel your throat closing up. That lump in your throat threatening to suffocate you. No matter how much water you drank or coughing you did it persisted, reminding you just how much you had helplessly fallen in love. There was a chance you will never see each other again. It took every ounce in you to keep it together and not breakdown crying. You broke your most important rule “never fall in love” and now there was no going back. The realization of this left you breathless.

“ good job y/n” you mumbled sarcastically while setting everything down on the old warn down table. Arkham desperately needed to refurnish.

“How do you manage to get more beautiful every time I see you?” You had been so deep in thought, organizing your paperwork, and fighting back tears you didn’t notice Arthur walk in.

“Good morning to you too Arthur.” You grinned from ear to ear as he made his way to give you a hug. “are you ready for tomorrow?” You asked looking up and admiring how beautiful this man was. His salt/pepper hair slicked back leaving his features highlighted. The way his full brows made his green eyes so intense you could get lost in them forever. You had to look away. Never before had you seen eyes that held so much beauty and danger.

“Lets not talk about that kitten, I want this hour to be special. It is our last time meeting you know.” He said shooting you a half smile that made you weak in the knees. But you could see the sadness that decorated his face. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Arthur was so worried about you. Sweet Arthur if only others could see the real you. They would love you as much as I do.

“Look at me please” he ordered. “Youve been crying haven’t you?” Shaking his head

You wanted to lie, deny the whole ordeal, brush it all under the rug but you couldn’t lie to him and you fell into his arms. “Im going to miss you so much. I love you and I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I know we cant be together right now but it hurts. It hurts so much I cant breath.” Body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears.

He pulled you into his arms. His warmth would seep into your being and he comforted you without ever opening his mouth. You felt one of his tears cascade down your shoulder.He was intoxicating and every cell in your body craved him like an addict craves his fix. “Im sorry doll” his voice was heavy with pain, the same way guilt weighed down upon his shoulders.

“I know and i will be ok as long as you are safe, that’s all that matters to me Arthur” you replied forcing your voice to sound as normal and not break in the same way your heart was shattering with every second that passed.

He held you tightly. Hands on the small of your back while you wrapped your hands around his neck and face resting on his chest. The two of you danced with grief in the tiny white room in Arkham. Where it all begin. Unforeseen by you meeting him for the first time was like coming out of a hibernation you didn’t know you were in. His eyes green like spring breaking through winters snow. The same room where you had laughed, cried, and talked about the future together. You felt so complete in his arms. He took away the emptiness that like an abusive partner threatened to never leave and you a patient with Stockholm syndrome Obeyed finding comfort in it. You wanted to melt into him and become one so that nothing could ever tear you apart from him.

“We will see each other again I promise.” trying to not only convince him but convince yourself as well.

Arthur started humming the tune of one our favorite songs we slowly danced in a burning room. He whispered those dark silly jokes he was so proud of and knew would get a chuckle out of you. Oh how you prayed time would stop this instant and you could keep experiencing his velvet soft touch. Arthur was your home and soon you’d find yourself homeless once more.

A knock on the door jerked us back into reality. “Its time to take Mr.Fleck back to his room” you heard from across the door.

“Yes gives us a minute please!” You shouted resentfully. It wasn’t the guards fault but you had to take it out on someone. Grasping at any sense left of control.

“Time flies when you’re having fun” he said taking a seat across from your desk. It would be the last time he would sit in that chair. The chair that was a witness to our love story. Once comfortable he gracefully put a cigarette in between his lips and lit it. You found yourself Getting lost in his graceful confident movements. The opening of the box. The click of the lighter. The slight tilt of his head. Crisp burning of a cigarette. First small inhale. Exhale not letting it reach his lungs. The lift of his neck. Long drag. Exhale. It was as if time had slowed down. almost as if the universe was gifting you this so you could take it all in only for it to be preyed away from hands. Only leaving with you those haunting memories of what no longer is. Grieving for what will never be. Oh bittersweet universe. You cruel bastard.

“Yes, sorry” you said. You could feel your cheeks turn cherry red.

“You can stare at me all you want doll.” He insisted.

“Cocky arent we now.” We both broke into laughter. It seemed to lighten the air in the room. Thank God, those sinister white walls felt like they could collapse on you at any second.

still standing leaning on the desk. you turned to pick up the folder on the desk. You had gone over the plan several times and you were confident things would run smoothly. “Gary did a great job putting a team together for you” You advised.

Arthur reached to grab the folder not saying a word. “All the documents to your new properties, weapons bought. Also the names of politicians, law enforcements and agents that will be working for you are also included. Just incase they want to cause problems.”

“I love you y/n always remember that” he finally said.

“I love you too Arthur, Good luck tomorrow everything will work out as planned.” Arthur leaned in for one last tender passionate kiss. His honey sweet tongue dancing with yours to a tune only you two were privy to. Suddenly the guard barged in to take him.

“Im sorry to interrupt but its time” walking towards Arthur. If looks could kill you would have killed him a thousand times over.

You watched as he was handcuffed again and lead out of the room. Arthur never taking his eyes off of you. As soon as the door closed your legs betrayed you as you feel to your knees. The pain flooded every inch of your body like a dam unable of being contained any longer. Tears stinging as they made their way down your cheeks. “Comeback please!” You tried to yell in vain. Unable to find the strength to let it out. “Why do you always take from me God, everything I love gets taken” you cursed at the sky. You had not felt such intense pain since the passing of your mother. Finally finding the strength to pick your shaking limbs off the floor, you noticed a folded note on the desk.

“I was never really insane, except on occasions where my heart was touched.” Go with me doll, i cant do this alone. meet me at the warehouse. We leave at 9. Joker

[albapuella]

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter One)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday.

I also tried to be fancy with the html, but it didn't come out right (you will see what I mean). However, I'm leaving it as is for now.

Chapter 1: Inciting Incidents 

Day 0:

“I'm smooth as peanut butter,” Dave protested, his coffee sloshing in its cup as he swung his arm out. “Choosy moms might choose Jiff, but I ain't in the market for an older woman at the moment. Just call me Skippy, because that's how smooth I am.”

Rose looked both unimpressed and unconvinced. “Really?” She took a small, dignified sip of her tea.

“Yes!” Dave frowned. “I'm like super suave. Fucking James Bond over here.”

She squinted at him for a moment. “You do realize that James Bond is characterized by his inability to keep any woman with him longer than the length of one of his movies.”

“That's only because he's too much man to be tied down,” Dave said. “And that's not even the point: the point is that the fucker's suave. He can have any girl he wants.”

“And I suppose you can get any boy you want?” It sounded dismissive. “It would be wonderful if you managed that feat before my wedding. You know how mother worries about you, and I would rather not spend the first day wedded to my wife listening to mother wailing about how her poor little Davey's going to be all alone in the world.”

Dave felt the flush creeping up his cheeks, and he wasn't sure if he was experiencing his future humiliation already or if he was getting mad. Just because he couldn't keep a relationship going for long, that didn't mean he wasn't smooth. It wasn't his fault that up until very recently he'd only pursued girls because he hadn't wanted to admit he was gay... Okay, yes, that actually was his fault. The point was of course those relationships had failed. His relationship prowess had never been given a fighting chance. “Yeah, I could. In fact, I could make any of the guys here fall for me.”

“Very well, brother of mine,” Rose said, smiling that particular smile which tended to portend bad things for the person it was directed at, “how about that one?” She pointed to a man sitting alone at a table on the other end of the cafe.

Dave looked over at him without making it obvious he was doing so. Damn, Rose. The guy was a snack, obviously, but his expression indicated that the whole world had pissed in his cornflakes one at a time and had made him miss the bus to his job at the blow job factory. Still, it was too late to back out now. “Fine,” he said, setting down his cup just a little too hard. “I'll see you in two weeks, Rose, and I'll have him on my arm in a matching tux. We're going to be the hottest, gayest penguins you've ever fucking seen.”

She laughed at him. Which was fine: he was going to have the last laugh here. And there was no time like the present. He stood and strode over to the other table, curving his mouth in his smoothest, suavest fucking smile.

The man had noticed Dave's approach and looked up from his coffee, the ire on his face now joined by confusion. “Can I help you?” His voice was rough but not unpleasant. His tone was less pleasant, but Dave had expected that from his expression.

“I sure hope so,” Dave said. He put one hand on his hip and held the other out to the man. “I've just lost my name: can I have yours?”

The man blinked. Then he laughed—less amused and more disbelieving. “Seriously? You're seriously going to open up with that? That has to be the cheesiest fucking pick up line I've heard in my life. And I've heard a lot of them.”

Dave only grinned. Breaking the ice was just one of Dave's many talents. “What can I say, dude, I'm a connoisseur of fine cheese. Premium, aged in wooden crocks or whatever.” He waggled his hand. “Don't leave me hanging.”

The man looked from Dave's hand to his face and back again before heaving a sigh. He shook Dave's hand, his grip solid but not crushing. “Karkat.” Then he frowned. “What do you want?”

“Thought that was obvious, Karkat,” Dave said, trying the name out. He liked it. “I want to ask you out. On a date. I'm Dave, by the way,” he added quickly. It probably would have been smarter to open up with that. It also occurred to Dave that there were a lot of other variables he hadn't considered until this moment. “If you're single. God, I hope you're single. And into guys. Otherwise, I'm going to feel pretty stupid.”

Karkat opened his mouth but didn't speak as something too quick for Dave to pick up flashed across his face. Then he grinned, perhaps a little too widely. “You're in luck,” he said. “I am in the market for a date.”

Oh. “Cool. Cool, that's—” Dave broke off with a fake cough into his fist. “Yeah, uh. So, are you free tomorrow? Night?”

A slow nod. “Yeah. Sure. Sounds great.” He dug through his bag and took out a small notepad. “Do you use Pesterchum?” he asked as he scribbled something down.

“I think everyone and their grandmother uses Pesterchum,” Dave said, still kind of surprised that this was going as well as it was. “Not my grandmother, I don't have one, but you know, grandmothers. Or the tech savvy ones anyway. I think your average grandmother might have some trouble—the text is kind of tiny, isn't it?”

Karkat looked up from his writing. “Right.” He ripped the page out and held it out to Dave. “Message me, and we can set up that date.”

Dave took the paper. “Thanks, I'll, uh, message you soon!” Without waiting for a response, he turned on his heel and made his way back to Rose. He knew his face was burning, but he decided to believe it was the flush of victory rather than anything else. She was still smiling at him, and he held the paper out in front of her face. “See? I've already got his chumhandle. You're going to eat your words, Rose. I hope you like the taste of humble pie.”

Rose laughed behind her hand. “Nice work, Dave,” she said once she'd recovered. “Try not to break his heart, won’t you?”

“What?” Dave shook his head. “His heart is going to be wrapped in three layers of bubble wrap and under ten pounds of packing peanuts.” He shoved the paper into his pocket. “I got this thing on lock.”

---

Karkat tore his eyes away from the retreating Dave to jot down some notes on his notepad. Looked like he'd be able to write this article sooner rather than later. Unless Dave had been dared to come over and get his phone number. That had happened before. He scowled into his coffee. Well, if Dave never got in touch with him, then he'd just use his last disaster of a relationship to base his article on. That was what he'd planned to do originally anyway.

It wasn't a secret around the office that Karkat Vantas, despite being a font of romance wisdom, was dead in the water when it came to dating and keeping a boyfriend. He attributed this mostly to his abhorrent personality and lack of self-control. Whenever the opportunity came up for him to stick his foot in his mouth, you could find him there, furiously chewing on his toes. He'd lost count of how many times a date had ended because he'd said something he shouldn't have. Or rather, screamed something he shouldn't have at the top of his lungs with more profanity than was warranted in retrospect.

So, of course, the boss knew about Karkat's lackluster love life, too. The assignment had been one of her little jokes. One of her little mind games. “Oh, Mr. Vantas, please write an article about how to fuck up a relationship in less than two weeks—it should be easy for you seeing as you're such an expert at being so noxious that no one but your handful of friends can even stand to be anywhere around you, never mind a stranger who doesn't know your history or has any reason to want to stick around and deal with your bullshit.” Paraphrased, of course. Her version had been much less honest.

He re-read his notes.

* Dave, no last name given. Terrible pick up line. Rambles. Idiot or awkward. Or both. Dresses like a color-blind douche bag. Obnoxious sunglasses. Vision impaired? Hot. Attractive. Moderately attractive.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he set down his notepad to fish it out. He frowned down at the screen. A notification from Pesterchum? His heart rose a little despite himself until he saw the name. Kanaya. He sighed. While he was happy she was happy, he couldn't handle being gushed at right now. He put the phone on the table and finished his coffee.

---

Dave dithered for hours before he finally decided on the perfect message to open communications with.

TG: this is dave from the cafe TG: wanted to say hey TG: and ask what you want to do Saturday

Okay, so it wasn't the best rap ever, but he was stretched for material here. Also, it probably wasn't a good idea to blow up this guy's phone before Dave got some confirmation that this was even Karkat's chumhandle. It wouldn't be the first time someone had given him a dud. At least the messages were going through: that was a good sign.

CG: ARE YOU RHYMING ON PURPOSE? TG: hell yea dog TG: mc strider here by popular demand to lay down the jams TG: ive got all my adoring fans just waiting for me to shower them with stanz- TG: -as like youve never seen its a dream come true straight to you

That was enough; he had to give Karkat some time to respond. Assuming this was Karkat.

TG: this is karkat right? CG: OH I CAN TALK NOW? CG: YES THIS IS KARKAT. CG: AS CHARMING AS THIS IS (AND I AM SO UTTERLY CHARMED RIGHT NOW), DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME? TG: totally i totally do i knew as soon as i saw you yea im taking this total snack on a date

Which was not a lie, technically. Yes, Dave liked how Karkat looked, but he probably wouldn't have gone over to his table without Rose egging him on.

TG: where do you want to go skys the limit TG: but not really TG: cause no offense but i just met you TG: and i dont think were at the stage where id be willing to sell one my kidneys TG: to make your dreams of jumping out of an airplane onto the back of a narwhal or some shit like that come true TG: thats like after at least date number 5 and id expect some kind of thanks TG: at least a tongue kiss or something TG: not that i think you need to pay for dates physically TG: thats all kinds of gross TG: forget i said any of that please CG: … CG: HOW ABOUT DINNER AND A MOVIE. LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. CAN WE DO THAT?

Dave grinned with relief. He'd thought for sure he'd just blown this.

TG: sounds great nothing beats the classics

With that sorted out, the rest had been easy. Dave closed his phone, feeling accomplished. He was really doing this. He was really making this happen. But first, he had some clothes to throw in the shower!

---

Karkat slid his phone back into his pocket with a sigh. Well, now he had a date for tomorrow. He looked down at the new set of notes he'd written during that 'conversation'.

* Last name Strider? Raps without provocation. Definitely visually impaired. Goes off on wild tangents. I'm going to be murdered. What the hell am I doing?

It had been difficult not to react in his normal way to the frankly bizarre things Dave had said, and he knew that was only going to be more difficult to manage in person. Still, he had to 'hook' this man as best as he was able before he could fuck it up like always. After all, he couldn't 'lose' a guy he never 'had', right? He idly entertained the thought of what 'having' Dave might be like. He was clearly crazy, but there was something endearing in his total inability to communicate like a regular person. The way he'd been so obviously nervous and out of his depth when he'd come over to ask Karkat out. The way his cheeks had flushed when Karkat had accepted. The way his body had moved when he'd walked away.

Shaking his head, Karkat tucked the notepad into his bag. No point in even thinking about it. Even if he weren't getting into this just to ruin the relationship for his article, the end would have been the same anyway. Honestly, he was doing Dave a favor: at least this way, Dave would only be wasting ten days worth of his time rather than torturous months of dealing with Karkat's bullshit before finding an excuse to cut him loose.

[wildtorres-a]

surprise, surprise.

WHAT? —  when drew finds lia outside of the torres household at an odd hour, he invites her in, and in turn receives some news that is sure to change both of their lives.

WHEN? —   saturday night, april 11th.

TRIGGERS? —  pregnancy, mention of drugs, mention of death.

FEATURING —  lia rosenburg ( @rosenburg-lia ), brief appearance of mike dallas ( @dallas-micheal )

i cant be pregnant, theres not a possibly way this shit is correct That was all that was going through Lias mind since the night prior. A very restless night of tossing and turning with dreams and nightmares of what was to come. One second dreaming about the perfect white picket fence life, Drew playing catch with their son in the yard. Amelia cooking in the kitchen with their daughter as the animals roamed around. The next her and Drew at each others throats, no ounce of happiness shining on either of their faces. Waking up and staring at the ceiling while she thought of every scenario her little brain could.

Thats how she found herself outside of the Torres residence, creeping down the side of the house. She knew better than to knock on the front door, it was almost midnight and the last thing she needed was Audra on her case for coming to her house so late. She cautiously knocked on the sliding glass door, hoping either Drew or Dallas heard her. Her body shaking, maybe from the frigid Canadian nights and her thin tracksuit. Or maybe it was the anxiety flowing through every ounce of her body as she continued to knock.

drew had alot on his mind, to say the least. he had just gotten back from edmonton a few hours prior, and all he wanted to do was take a shower and go to sleep. he didn’t have any more emotions to give for the night, was both physically and emotionally exhausted. he figured he’d talk to both omar and audra about alex the following day, and see if there was anything they could do to reunite the siblings. figuring that he could at least eat a bowl of cereal, being that he hadn't eaten anything all day, he started making his way down the steps and towards the kitchen.

it's only a few seconds later, that he hears the gentle knocks against the glass, and he raises his eyebrows in confusion at who it could be, especially at this time at night. he makes his way over, moving the curtain to see the girl he’d been thinking about since he got home, amongst all the chaos. quickly, he unlocks the door, opens it, and pulls her in. “lia, what are you doing here?” he questions, not unhappy to see her. “you’re freezing,” he comments, pulling his nike jacket off and draping it around her petite shoulders. “come on,” he grabs her hand, and leads her up to his room, forgetting about what he'd initially went downstairs for. thankful that everyone else is asleep, he closes the door before making his way over to her and connecting their lips.

she saw his figure as he came downstairs, even in the barely there lighting she could tell it was him. she wasnt sure what to expect, the last time she had laid eyes on him she slapped him. but she didnt know what else to do at this stage, she had already spoken to Vanessa, put it out into the universe. drew was her best friend once, she should be able to just talk to him about it, she hoped anyway.

Her face lit up, not that she was aware, or if drew had even noticed. But the second her eyes landed on his face, you could see something in her perk up. even with the hostility she held towards the boy at the moment, he always held a special place in her heart and it felt nice to see him again. "I needed to talk to you," She spoke softly, her eyes meeting his for a second, "thank you," sliding her arms through the jacket and tugging it around her petite frame. her eyes trail to their hands, a soft smile on her lips as she followed him to his room. Taking the brief second to look around before his lips were on hers. Almost forgetting the reason she came as she melted into it. A few minutes into the heated makeout session, it was like a spark in Lia as she pushed Drew away, "No, we need to talk," She spoke sharply, as if realizing she had made a mistake or something. She hadnt meant to come and hook up with Drew, that had been the furthest thing from her mind. "Plus someone said he wasnt good for me," She spoke with a pointed tone as she sat on his bed, tucking her legs into a pretzel shape.

the brunette had been trying to make sense of his thoughts about the girl he’d been trying to avoid for the past week. trying to decide if they had done the right thing that memorable night, if they ruined their friendship, in the right way or wrong. it was clear that the thought of her hadn’t left his mind, the feel of her lip gloss against his lips, how something as simple as her touch made him fill with warmth, the way her eyes shined when he made her laugh or smile. he’s not sure exactly what this entails, but there’s some part of him that’s kicking himself for not having seen this before. how was it possible that amelia rosenburg had been there all this time, and he was only now noticing how great she really was.

and suddenly he's so glad that she’s here. not even just for sex, now having noticed just how hard it was to stay away from her. wanting to text her every time he heard a funny joke, or came up with an idea for their next scheme, or just wanting to hear about her day. — and still, he liked her enough to keep his distance, she deserved far more than he could give her, everyone did. “i’m all ears,” he says once they're in the room. lips moving along with hers in sync, tongue slipping into her mouth, until suddenly she pulls away. still wanting to be near to her, he sits down beside her, and pulls her soft hand back into his, bringing her closer. “i think we’ve established that i’m an idiot,” he grins, before letting out a sigh, “but i’m not, good for you. still i have something to tell you,” he gazes into her eyes, “i wasn’t at a motel fucking some girl, i was… looking for my birth mom. she-” still has great difficulty uttering the words, and yet he swallows and tries again. “she overdosed about three months ago, and she left because she never wanted me,” hold backs the pain that washes over him, but can’t stop his jaw from clenching. “i thought about her for years, and she just didn't want me” the words fall from his lips slowly, taking it all in.

while lias feelings hadnt stayed the same about drew the whole friendship, she knew for certain he was a staple in her life. sophomore year lia wouldve been more than ecstatic to find out what had transpired between the teens. her feelings for the male at an all time high, something had been telling her that he had felt the same back then. only to find out he was with her cousin, and she was happy for them. but there was something about how easily he made things feel okay. made her feel happy with a simple text, if something happened in her day her first instinct was to send him a long snapchat about it.  spamming him with memes on hastygram, the little things they did for eachother. but now, things had changed, and all the feelings she pushed down, pushed away because she knew their happiness was important. they came bubbling up, the only thing circling her mind being drew torres, and what a lovely thought it was.

finding herself in his room, the air thick with several emotions, each more unknown than the last. but it felt okay, felt right to be there with him. suddenly realizing how much she needed him, he made the little things important. he knew her little quirks and habits, if there was a dog he had to point it out if she hadnt seen it already, so she could go pet it, and he became her photographer for it. he knew her coffee order like it was nothing, if they went out to eat he knew her order, knowing to get the tomatos out of all burgers or salads. he paid attention to the details, and it made lia feel cared for. by someone in her life, for something other than her body or connections. Shifting closer to the male, her hand wrapping around his,"Youve always been an idiot," she joked, shaking her head lightly, before resting it on his shoulder, "Youre great for me Drew, why cant you understand that?" She spoke softly, lifting her head as she turned to face him. Meeting his gaze, her thumb softly rubbing circles on the back of his hand as he spoke.

She listened as he spoke, letting him get out what he needed to. But she also didnt know what to say, she hadnt expected the words that had fallen from his lips. "Im sorry you had to find out the way you did, I cant even begin to imagine how that feels. Nor will I pretend to know how youre feeling right now," She spoke, knowing that would never be enough for him to hear. shuffling herself closer, wrapping herself around him in a hug. "But with that being said," She began, taking a deep breath, "Im sorry that she choose drugs over an amazing man with a heart of gold. Someone who looks for the best in people, and just wants to grow and become better. I know you dont see it, you see the bad. But god Drew, there is so much good," She spoke, glancing up to meet his gaze as she spoke. "Its her fault for choosing not to be a part of your life, her fault for choosing the substances over you. You can not put any blame on yourself baby, none of it is your fault," She spoke, not sure if he had even felt that way, but it felt right to say.

drew knew that this situation wasn’t the best, him having dated her cousin only a year earlier. had fallen in love quickly amongst the many late nights staying up on the phone, the many days spent either hanging with their larger group of friends or interesting dates, and getting to know each other’s each and every detail. it was unbelievable to think that just a few months ago, drew was venting to lia about tori’s all but expected disappearing act. they quickly become closer than they had when tori was present, drew often hanging out with lia when his thoughts became too much. and in those moments, although he hadn’t really noticed it, he stared to pick up on her details. not really giving it a second thought, he placed her on the same shelf that vanessa and becky were on, chalking her up as another best friend. now that things had drastically changed between them, he indeed knew it was messy to be romantically involved with both cousins, even more so them being as close as they are, and degrassi would have a field day when they catch wind of what’s been going on behind closed doors. but he can’t find himself to care, at least not enough to fully walk away. to put an end to whatever it is that they have going on, and tell her it couldn’t go any further, hoping things could go back to how they were. she’d been his rock all along. loyal and sweet and always there for him, wanting nothing in return but his company.

he grins at her remark, knowing that in a sense, she’s never really viewed him as an idiot, at least not the way he’s been labeled his whole life. finds solace under her touch. he shakes her head at her words, although some part of him wants to believe her. to believe that he’d do anybody good. but god, he ruins everything he touches. “because i’m not, lia,” he remarks, “i'm not as smart as the other guys. i mess up. i always say or do the wrong thing. you’re better off”

he finishes, holds his emotions in as well as he can, has already told himself that he wouldn’t drop another tear. and he draws a breath, and allows her to comfort him. doesn’t shy away or tell her that she’s wrong, just leans into her embrace, and lets her words sink in, having already shown her his vulnerability. can’t help the pull at his heart strings as she talks further, silently wondering what it was he'd done to get someone like her in his life. many girls have talked drew up, seeing only his features — sharp cheekbones, electric blue eyes, handsome face, and the rebellious personality to match. nothing any of them have ever said has effected him in the way she had right now, only speaking with raw emotion, her eyes telling it all. he cups her right cheek, slowly leaning in and giving her a kiss full of passion, not even attempting to slip his tongue in, more concerned with her getting a feel for the emotions he has stored for her. pulling away, he removes his hand. “thank you,” he smiles, weakly, but still there. “for everything. you’re seriously amazing,” he compliments. his mind going back to her initial statement, recalling the faint urgency in her voice as she pulled away from the first kiss he brought upon her lips. knows when something’s bothering her and is intrigued on what it is she has to tell him. “now, what did you need to tell me?” curiosity shining in blue hues.

it seemed like the world had been moving in fast forward the past couple of months, between the closest females in her life both leaving and coming back, her connection to both luke and drew growing over the course of them. while Luke would always hold a part of Lias heart, since they spent day in and day out with one another, drew captivated her. she just wanted to know if he was ok, that he felt cared for and wanted, chalking it up to being a good friend. But she also found herself wanting to just spend time with Drew, even if they were sat in silence, his presence was enough to make the dark seem light in her insane life. And maybe she knew there was always a thought in the back of her mind, the idea of something more. And if you were to tell her this time last year, that she'd find herself wrapped around Drew Torres  going to tell him she was pregnant, she'd label you as crazy.

She rolled her eyes at his words, "Im not as smart as the other girls, i tend to become a bitch if I dont get my way, i use money as a means of happiness when its not. My list could go on and on drew," She spoke, "We all have our issues, our flaws that we look in the mirror and point out. Or say to ourselves with that little voice. And I will be here to show you how amazing you are when it gets to loud," A smile sent his way, "I couldnt begin to imagine life without you Torres, so please dont try and leave it,"

his touch felt gentle on her skin, different than the other moments between them. this was something different, there was something laced in the kiss between both parties. but she still found herself sinking into it, feeling on top of the world at the feeling she got. something telling her everything would be ok. "I wouldnt say amazing, but ill always be here," A small shrug, before her eyes trained to a spot on the floor. Slowly unraveling herself from Drew, as she thought of what to say. Partially because through Drew unloading his story, she had semi forgotten why she had came there in the first place. How do you tell someone youre pregnant? Let alone the last person you ever thought would be in the position with you, and had just informed you of his own family problems, that he didnt need added to. Her fingers pulling and spinning the ring sat on her hand, her gaze unwavering from the pile of clothes sat on his floor. "Um," she began lightly, "I wasnt feeling all that well, and I had realized I missed my period," her fidgeting becoming faster as her mind worked over the words. Admitting them to Vanessa was different, vastly different than telling Drew. She glanced up briefly meeting his eyes before her gaze fell back to the floor, "So I headed to the little corner store from my place," A deep breath as she quietly, almost silently spoke, "The test came back positive drew,"

it was no secret that ever since he stepped foot, or wheel rather, back in toronto, his mind couldn’t find anything good to focus on. in the span of one night, he’d uncovered the reason his mother had left, uncovered that she had given up both her children, that he had a sister he’s never known about that was fifteen years old, adopted, and didn’t have a clue about her dysfunctional family, and the fact that he’d never receive the closure he’d been needing for so long. only having the words of her former boyfriend to go by. he hadn’t really expected to talk about it with anyone, forcing it down, and having the mindset of just going numb, avoiding the thoughts at all costs. and yet, found himself venting to lia the first chance he gets. something about her had always been so comforting, so understanding, and drew doesn’t think he could have felt better about opening up to anyone else. another part of him wanting her to know that she’s the only girl he’s been with sexually for weeks, hell, he hasn’t even been entertaining other girls, unread messages from his usual conquests building up in his phone.

as he hears her start to list her flaws, he frowns a bit, knowing that she’s only doing it because he had, to prove a point. but he can't help but hope she gives herself a little more credit than that. “i happen to think you’re perfect,” he comments, letting her continue, until there’s a bright smile on his face. realizing that in all of this mess, all of the bad thoughts, and words he hadn’t meant, and just attempting to dodge her in general had hurt her. the expression of pure sadness that flashed across her face when he pushed her away at the party, the smack she’d given him at school, he’d been stupid to think that it would last long, stupid to have ever started it. “i’m sorry,” he gets out, “for acting like an ass and pushing you away, you deserve better than that, and i want you in my life too” he gives her a charming smile, although his eyes shine with honesty.

this would be the fifth time he had been rendered speechless. the anticipation of what would end up leaving her lips, what happened to be so important that she’d made her way here in the middle of the night, a quarter to midnight. with it being so late, he feels she should just stay the night. audra had the day off tomorrow, and with his luck, she slept in till the afternoon, giving the two enough time to come up with the story that she’d come over earlier in the morning if she was still here by then. as lia moves away, drew can’t help the furrow of his eyebrows, and the assumption that whatever it was she’d say wouldn’t be something small. takes note of her timid actions, the way she doesn’t meet his eyes as she talks. and then the words ‘missed period’ sets an alarm off in his head. his eyes widening, along with the beat of his heart, as she continues. stops himself from asking ‘and?’ allowing her to go at his own pace. and his mind flashes back to that night, the rush of it all, the sensual touches, heavy breathing, and the lack of condom, as he spread her legs and lined himself up. too eager to feel all of her, he hadn’t even given it a second thought. and suddenly she’s saying the words he anticipated, and even though he had a feeling where this was going, it still catches him completely off guard. “i–” he starts, doesn’t finish, runs a hand through his hair, as he processes all of the information. “woah,” he breathes out, the words repeating in his mind over and over on a loop. meeting her eyes, he glances over her, can’t stop his eyes from trailing over her stomach. “it–it’s okay, are you okay? do you need some water, or some ice cream? cause i can run to the store,” he's rambling a mile a minute, still in partial shock.

Everything was easier with Drew around, she didnt have to act a certain way or put up any defensive barriers. she had never been one to open up to a lot of people and tell them her thoughts and feelings. let alone on a consistent basis if she did, choosing to pretend that everything was find and that she didnt have any. but with drew she would just talk about things, whatever came to mind she would share with him. knowing he would listen, maybe make a stupid comment, but hed listen. that was what she needed for so long, just someone to listen to her and show her she was cared for. that was part of what Drew did for her, made the dark seem a little lighter. she had felt herself pulling from the other guys in her life, even Luke who she had finally got where she thought she wanted him. but she found herself wanting drew, in more ways than one. but she didnt know how to articulate that to him, to explain what she wanted from whatever it was they had been doing.

"Perfect may be a bit of a stretch," she chuckled, "But go on," She teased, a matching smile coming to her face. she hated admitting her weaknesses, and when she couldnt hide her emotions from Drew at the party it was like a part of her exterior cracked. the walls she had formed between the two had been broken, and she realized she was back in love with him, or the idea of him for now. she didnt like the idea of a life without him in it, and hated feeling like she was disposable from his life. She didnt enjoy slapping him at school, but the petty bitch in her had taken over, and she was putting the walls back up piece by piece. hoping it wouldve helped her feel better, to work through what was happening, but it didnt. "I dont know why you did it, but Im sure you had your reasons," She shrugged, "But dont think Im gonna let it fly again. You are stuck with me Torres, learn to deal with it," She spoke, a smile spreading across her features as she sent a wink his way.

She didnt know how he would react, expecting anger, or confusion. maybe some accusations or denial. she wasnt positive if they had used a condom or not, she didnt remember seeing a single wrapper around the hotel room. and she sure hadnt brought any on their spontaneous trip, and she didnt think drew had either. when she saw the word pregnant on the stick, her world shifted. but she could remember the night clear as day, every touch, every breath, every word, and even the moment she felt him skin to skin in the most intimate way. she was nervous for his reaction, glancing at him with watchful eyes as he processed it. her hand running through her hair with a sigh, waiting for him to say something, put her at ease somehow. but she didnt expect him to ask her about food, her brows scrunching together as she looked up at him,"I...why would I want food? its damn near midnight?" She spoke, shaking her head, "Im like a couple weeks at best, there is no way im out here craving ice cream already dumbass," She spoke with an eye roll, a teasing tone on her voice however, as a smile played at her lips. "But thank you, the effort is appreciated and not unnoticed,"

it wasn’t difficult to see that drew had a lot on his plate, his eyes didn’t have that same spark it always had, he hadn’t been able to focus in his classes despite the fact that clare was definitely a huge help and he’d been showing improvement the week before. every time he closed his eyes, he seen rocky’s face, his cheeks upwards in glee, his heartwarming giggle, the way his face lit up when he would bring him some toys or pizza. and now, it had only gotten worse, and he would see his mother’s grave as well. the white roses he’d laid before her tombstone, as he said both hello and goodbye the only chance he was given. it also wasn’t hard to see that being around lia in their small moments had managed to do him some good. finding himself forming a warm smile, or chuckling at one of her jokes, taking him out of the dark he’d lately gotten used to. it wasn’t unusual, them being friends for years, and drew finding it very easy to unwind around her. but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't been thinking about them in a romantic dynamic, and he'd be lying even more if he said he didn’t consider it, taking their friendship to the next level, giving them a try to see where it leads, despite the backlash he knows he’ll receive for dating both cousins who consider the other as a best friend, the same cousin he assumes is soundly asleep in the guest room four doors down. but they’ve gone too far in to stop now, the way he sees it, it makes more sense to go for it, even if right now isn’t exactly the best time. perhaps he’ll wait, doesn’t want to have to hide around the beginning of their relationship if they do decide to make something out of it, wait until all of the chaos simmers down, before he makes any big decisions. and yet, he can't stop the part of him that yearns to kiss her whenever she’s nearby and the scent of her perfume clouds his thoughts.

“it definitely isn’t,” he counters, can’t help how easy it is to play along with her words. and he’s only now noticing that she doesn’t have to try too hard when the roles are reversed either. he accepts her request, eyes locked on hers. “you're gorgeous, and you're smart whether it’s street or book wise, you always go out of your way to help your friends, you’re fun as hell, and i haven't been able to get you out of my mind the past few days.” the surprise on his face is evident, not meaning to actually voice the last part, but it’s too late to take it back now. he had always found lia attractive, and now that he thought back, he never considered her a sister figure like he had with maya or vanessa. finds it ironic that a year ago, he was lifting her chin up to remind her how great she was, and to not forget it, had a boy she was interested in not felt the same way back. now he was lifting her chin to place his lips on hers. oh, how the times have changed. bites his lower lip, doesn’t want to repeat his reasons, knows that it’s no good now, since he can’t seem to let go. “what, are you gonna smack me again? cause that was kind of hot” he smirks, sending her the wink right back.

he's not certain if there’s a set reaction for this, a right or wrong. he does however know that his lack of words isn’t exactly comforting, and when he does manage to find words, he’s not exactly proud of them either.  but god, he’s trying his best. hadn’t really expected to have this conversation, but isn't at all making it out to be negative, despite their mess of a situation. he’s not even thinking of it long term, his mind trying to grasp it fully, but he's got too many thoughts, making it difficult to focus on one. he mentally face palms, as his right hand goes to scratch the back of his neck nervously. “yeah, that was pretty dumb, wasn’t it?” he asks, evidently embarrassed. he lets out a breath, taking her hand in his, and making sure he has her full attention. “but it’s gonna be okay, i’m here for you…always.” he reassures, “i’ll take care of you and the baby, whatever you decide.” he kisses her cheek, bringing her onto his lap. “stay with me here tonight?” he pleads, as his hand hesitantly hovers over her stomach, his mind trying to imagine a human growing inside. “and we can set up a doctor’s appointment one of these upcoming days. it’s going to be alright, baby. it’s all going to be okay.” he repeats, kissing against her hair. he's not sure if he believes it himself, but he can only imagine how she feels and he'd be damned if he wasn’t going to try his best to make her feel at ease.

For as long as she could remember, Lia had problems expressing her feelings to others, even if they were good ones. Her parents would always brush her off or give her a, that’s wonderful sweetie, even when she was a toddler, crying in the doorway, her stuffed dolphin held firmly in her grasp. If she went to her siblings, they werent accepting of her feelings, her being the youngest she didnt have nearly as much to deal with. That she was a kid and they wouldnt last, over within ten minutes. But that all stuck with Lia as she got older, forming her connections in the world. Tori being the main person she could find herself getting lost in conversation with, going over all the details on certain topics. And then Drew came into her life, and she had another person to talk to, someone that made it easy to talk to. But anyone with two eyes could see how easily the two souls fit together, how simple it was for the two to just exist. Lia had known from a young age she thought of Drew as more of a friend. She remembered distinctly the day she realized she saw him differently, as someone she could see herself with romantically. It had been a rough day for her at her house, a fight with her parents having broken out once again, and Lia needed out. A text to Drew was sent, and within seconds he replied and they agreed to meet at the park. It was midnight. She had never experienced someone caring enough to risk their own ass just to make sure she was ok, and they were barely friends then. But it solidified Drew into her heart, and the feelings she once held were back in full force. But she wasnt gonna ruin what they had, she wasnt gonna let herself ruin the one good thing going for her, even if it wasnt entirely what she wanted. But the part of her that wanted nothing more than to be held and kissed by Drew was thriving, and loved every second of their life. She was scared for the future, with her feelings, but she was prepared to let Drew have them if he wanted them.

A shy smile broke across her face, his eyes filled with such honesty she couldnt help the blush that was rising to her face at his words. Her eyes widening slightly at the end of his statement, taking in the look of shock on his face, but his eyes still held with honestly, and a little something else that she couldnt place. “That makes two of us,” She spoke softly, biting her lip. “You remember that guy I was complaining about breaking my heart last year?” She questioned, her heart skipping a beat as she spoke. A surge of confidence flowing through her, even if for a brief moment she let herself believe that he felt the same. Smiling into the soft kiss he gave her, her hand resting on his leg. Simply needing to just touch him. “Well if someone didnt try and do stupid shit maybe I wouldnt have to,” She chuckled, “Glad to know Im hot when im angry,” a small shrug with a smirk on her lips.

She let him go at his own pace, contemplating just laying down while she waited, but decided against that. She knew he was trying, and that was all she could ask. The thoughts going through her head were impossible to process, she couldnt imagine being the one to have gotten the girl pregnant. “It wasnt dumb,” she spoke with a small head shake, “Its cute,” A small smile on her face, her eyes glancing at their hands before looking at him. Her eyes tearing up at his words, never having heard them with such sincerity before. Allowing herself to be brought into Drews lap, breathing in his scent, her body instantly relaxing into his. Realizing just how tired she was, having barely slept for the past week. Between worrying about Drew and her fight with Tori, and now this pregnancy. She needed a good nights rest. “I know you will baby,” A whisper as she kissed the base of his neck softly, “I want nothing more than to wake up in your arms tomorrow,” her sleep deprived brain not even processing her words. Her eyes glancing down to his hand. Softly pressing it against her stomach, her hand resting against his as her eyes futtered shut. Listening to him speak, and nodding along softly with his words, “Youre here,” She spoke, “You didnt push me away, or yell at me. Or accuse me of anything. Thats more than enough for me,”

he recalls his first time seeing her, the memory still being so vivid, despite the years that have passed by. she was degrassi’s new student and from what he heard, she was turning heads and had most of the student body doing double takes. he'd seen her in the midst of meeting the coach to talk about his slip up in grades, knowing that he would be able to persuade him easily since his latest grade point average weren’t too much lower than the required minimum. and when he finally spotted her in the hallways, he’d understood what all the fuss was about. he hadn’t been the type to stare, at least not too noticeably, but he just couldn’t look away. she was pretty, gorgeous even, and the outfit she was wearing only made her all the more alluring. the skirt she had on wasn't too short, but he remembers trailing up and down her legs. remembers that he had to turn himself away, had to remind himself what he even was walking this way for, having lost all train of thought. and by lunch time, he’d spotted her out of the crowd with a quickness. dallas settling down, tray in hand, following his gaze. remembers his eyes scrunching up in confusion when dallas tells him to not waste his time. and minutes later, it all makes sense when tori and vanessa come to the table, new girl following behind, and tori introduces everyone to her cousin who’d just transferred. he recalls the visible shock that seeps past his face, before he smiles, greets her, invites her to their table for the long run, and pulls tori into his lap, pecking her on the cheek. by the end of the week, they'd all made friends with the girl, and it was as if she’d been apart of the group all along. no signs of awkwardness or hesitation among the group. drew pushing the two second interest and attraction he'd developed for her to the back of his mind, until it was completely gone. and now he wonders, if it ever really left, or if he knew to just not act on them.

that makes two of us. doesn’t stop the smile that stretches across his face, the breath that emits out in relief. he’d only had a half theory that she reciprocated the feelings, but now that he knows he hadn’t been in the wrong whenever the thought of her passed his mind, he’s not so doubtful anymore about asking her to be his girlfriend. yet, he still doesn’t think tonight's the best time, not when there’s so much to process. his eyebrows furrow a bit, “yeah? the idiot who couldn’t see what was right in front of him? what about him?” he questions, eyes looking intently into hers, before he smirks along with her. “oh, hot doesn’t even begin to describe it. you’re sexy when you’re angry” he chuckles softly, not wanting any of the household’s other occupants to hear him.

he knows that everything has changed tonight, just like it had the night they’d let themselves act on their feelings, cross faded no doubt, but cross faded on each other. every touch from the other, feeling like another shot or another hit of the blunt. he smiles at her, reveling in the fact that she didn’t think he was the idiot he was convinced he was. she’d never thought he was dumb, in fact, or at least she never mentioned it. it was the small things like that he appreciated the most about her. the reason he’d always come running whenever she needed. “you’re cute,” he counters, as she settles in his lap, and he feels at ease. resting his head on hers, something about the way they just fit, making him fill with warmth. everything between them right now felt so gentle, filled with emotions instead of their usual sensual touches, hot and needy, and still he feels the fire, albeit a different kind, under his skin as she kisses him softly on the neck. and when she grabs his hand, and leads it to her stomach, laying hers atop, he knows they can get through this together. knows that he wants to try. “of course i’m here, you’re,” he corrects himself, “the both of you are all i need right now” and maybe he’s tired, exhausted even, but he can’t help the smile that spreads at the thought of a little family. he stands, holding her up, and gently laying her down on the bed. “let me get you something to wear so you can be comfortable, and i can put on netflix,” he says, as he makes his way to one of the drawers, getting one of his long t-shirts he knows will cover most of her body, and smiles at the thought. he doesn’t really plan on watching the movie or show, more-so planning on it being background sound while they cuddle. he turns the light off, before making his way back to the bed, and handing her the remote, letting her choose.

she remembers all the distinct moments in their relationship. The first look, their first time talking, the first time she called him because she just wanted to talk, and the list goes on. he made an impression on her, the first time she walked the halls of degrassi. She had just transferred to the school, asking her parents after her assault, begging to be closer to her cousin. she needed to get away from the places and people she had surrounded herself with. finally making the move, she was excited, ready to meet new people and create a new name for herself. walking in, her heels clicking on the tiles as she walked, a small smirk on her face as she saw the looks she received. always relishing in the attention she received, even if it wasnt good attention. she spotted drew before he had spotted her, spotting him as she came around the corner. standing by his locker with who she'd later learn were Dallas, Luke, and Dave. A wide smile on his face as he threw his head back in laughter. she remembered finding his smile beautiful, one of the ones you just always wanted to seen plastered on their face. but she didnt learn his name, didnt approach the group. instead continued watching from afar as she went to her locker, a smirk on her face when she saw drew watching her, the way he had to pause to think about his actions. and she certainly remembered the small twinge of jealousy she felt when she watched him pull her cousin on his lap when she had finally learned his name. but they clicked, she meshed with the whole group, creating a close bond with all of them. Drew being a stronger one than the others, and her feelings growing as the days went on. until she was informed he had asked Tori out, and she felt her heart break, but had no right. neither party knew of her feelings for the boy, and she had to watch as they fell in love, a part of her kicking herself for never saying anything.

A matching smile spreads across her face, a sense of relaxation washing over her. He felt the same, she knew that by the smile. Where it was gonna go from there she wasnt sure, she knew what she wanted. She wanted to be his, to be able to call him hers, and she hoped that was what he wanted at the end of this. Even if not right now, at least when they were both ready, or felt ready to go public given the backlash they were already facing. But her head couldnt stop swarming with the idea of being with Drew, in all aspects of life, and the smile kept growing. Before chuckling lightly, raising a brow at the raven haired boy across from her, “The idiot had fallen for my cousin,” She spoke, biting her lip softly, “But he was a sweetheart about the situation, not knowing who I was upset about, just being there for me anyway,” She shrugged, “Pretty cool guy,” Rolling her eyes playfully at his words, “Youd love to see me jealous then,”

in that moment, she knew that everything was okay. While everything changed, even more than they're cross faded escapade. it felt different, something washed over the both of them that night, and it wasnt going away anytime soon. while they're usual antics were rushed, and sexual. a fire in them both, just from a look. and her body still felt on fire, but it was different. she felt loved, safe, and secure. something she had never felt before, it was new for her, scary even. but Drew made it all seem okay, made every little thing better.  it gave her a sense of comfort, knowing that at a single text or call Drew would be there. in whatever shape or form he could fathom, she knew he would be. "we're both cute," she spoke with a small giggle, almost like she was a little kid with her crush again. a soft smile at his words, "the both of us," she repeated, feeling them fall off her tongue. the words still felt foreign. but it felt right in a way, being there with Drew, and talking about it. about a family, even if its not right now, she knew a family with Drew was in her future, somehow someway, she just felt it. she allows herself to be placed on the bed, a smile as she watches him before she slips from her track suit. immediately slipping the shirt over her head, slipping under the blanket, curling up into it. taking the remote and putting on shameless, more so for background noise, and if she did want to pay attention she wouldn't be lost. turning back towards Drew, a small smile on her face as she curled into him. her head on his chest, one of her legs stretching over his own. "thank you for being so great. I dont know what I did to deserve you, but I'm forever grateful."

there were evident bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep he’d gotten the past few nights. too much tossing and turning and contemplating the new information he’d gotten out of the tragic loss. was he even able to cry? to miss a touch that he couldn’t place. was it selfish? to mourn someone you didn’t really know. to mourn a loss you didn’t really take. at least, not in the way others had. he’d spent many a night turning on netflix, hoping to get some type of distraction, only for the appeal to fade, and the gears in his head would be at work again. he turned to weed, opening the window and spraying a huge amount of cologne, hoping the smell hadn’t left his room, and even then, it only made him think of it more. the thoughts never leaving, and he knows if he knew now would he hadn’t then, he would of stayed home and saved himself the heartache. he even thought to reach out to the other teenagers in the house, but decided against it, talking about it, made it real and he couldn’t relive it. couldn’t get through all of the details, scared that once he started, he’d never stop. there's a part of him that knows him telling her what he had, wasn’t enough to ease the pain, and he was still very much holding it all in, the pain will eventually build up, and drew will have no choice but to let it consume him. it’s inevitable. but she was here, and he was laughing and smiling, and that was as much as a fix he could ask for tonight.

he recalls the upset look on her face, having come to pick her up from her parent’s house, at an hour that audra would definitely not have been happy with, but he’d heard the tone of her voice, and it took all of three minutes to slip on a jacket, grab his car keys, and head out to the car. he remembers taking her to the park, him finding any way he could to make her laugh, as they sat on the swings, him giving her a push every now and again. and as the wind picked up, and it got later, he finally asked her what was bothering her, despite it being on his mind the whole time. remembers holding her hands in his face, telling her to never cry over a boy, especially not one who was dumb enough to let her pass by, his voice comforting and friendly, as he tells her all of her good qualities and that anyone who didn't see that wasn’t worth it. now that he was back in the room, and she'd said what she had, he was slowly connecting the dots. ”it was me?” his eyes widen only a little, as he thinks back to all of the times it'd just been the three of them hanging out, the others having something to do. and suddenly, he feels like the world’s biggest idiot. feels bad about all of the times they’ve kissed or hugged or any form of affection in front of her. but there’s a hint of happiness there too, and he knows it’s wrong, but their situation isn’t exactly the most innocent anyways. “it was me,” he repeats, more of a statement this time, before he surges forward and pulls her into a passionate kiss, pulling back breathless. “aw damn, guess i’ll never get to see it, since you’re the only girl i’ve got my eyes on” lips curling into a smile.

“damn right,” drew smirks, “just imagine how cute our kid will be,” he jokes. it's all still new to him, but he's processing it, albeit only being told mere minutes ago. he knows they’ll be eighteen around the corner, and even though legally they were to be adults, everyone would still deem it irresponsible. and audra, he didn’t even want to imagine her reaction. but things weren’t all bad, perhaps he’s looking through rose colored glasses, but despite the bad timing, he could see the upsides. the football that was supposed to be rocky's sitting atop his dresser, and he feels hope, hope that if he has a son, or a daughter, he’s not picky, that they can share a bond just as strong. that he won’t be a failure of a parent. perhaps this baby will turn his whole life around, motivate him to become a better man. and as they lay against the sheets, him having slipped in beside her, so that he was on the outside, her closer to the wall, his arm drapes around her, as he chuckles at the intro of the show, only having seen a couple episodes, because she'd wanted to watch it. he slips his fingers through her locks, hoping that it’s relaxing her. “shh, there’s no one else i’d rather be with” he answers simply, “now get some sleep baby”

"it was you," she confirmed with a small nod, a soft smile playing her lips as she watched Drews face. The look of shock, then confusion, the brief flash of guilt that made her brows scrunch for a moment before a small giggle as she kissed him back. holding both sides of his face, a wide grin on her face and her eyes shining with nothing but love for the man sat before her. "our kid will be the cutest," she spoke, pushing all the negative thoughts out of her mind. her families reaction, the doctors appointments, the perception people would have on them as teen parents, all of it being shoved away as she found herself enamored with Drew. her body melting into his as her eyes closed, a soft kiss placed to his chest before she fell asleep, nothing but joy sitting on her mind for once.

the next morning

Dallas stood in the kitchen, waiting for the cheese to melt over the egg before moving it to the toast he had ready. Laughing along with what Adam was saying, both having already devoured two sandwiches before the third brother even awoke. "Im telling you his bitch ass has a hangover. Ill bet money on that shit," He spoke with a chuckle, placing the egg on the bread. "Imma go wake his ass up, and he better be grateful for this shit," Shaking his head, making sure to turn the stove off before leaving the kitchen. Plate in hand as he roamed the halls of the Torres' home humming softly to himself before he found himself in front of Drews door. Laying a small knock on the door before twisting the knob, his eyes widening at the sight of limbs wrapped around one another. Not getting a glance at the females face before he grabbed the football off the dresser, making sure to only hit Drew as he sent it towards the pair. "Yo Torres," He hissed out.

it wasn’t long before the brunette too fell asleep, albeit it was only after she had. wanting to make sure that she was fully at ease, her mind not swirling with thoughts, keeping her awake as he lay beside her, hands still at play in her hair. and when he finally relaxes, turns the tv off with the remote, the room now completely dark, he closes his eyes and lets slumber overtake him. 

and just like he expected, it’s one of the best rests he’s managed this past week. can’t recall when exactly it was that he'd fallen asleep, but he smiles when he wakes up, the sight of lia on his chest, her still asleep, and him still half asleep. he pulls her closer, before closing his eyes once more and easily drifting back to sleep. eyes shoot open quickly when he feels the sudden contact, mind not registering until he’s already sitting up in bed. and when he looks over to see a confused dallas with a plate of food in his hand, he sighs in relief. knows he has to explain, but finds this to be a breeze, rather than if omar or audra had walked in and seen them. ”long story, but i’ll definitely explain later” he breathes out, as he stands, only to walk towards dallas and take the plate that’s evidently for him. “thanks,” he looks over to lia, who stirred a bit in her sleep, and then back to dallas, “now, how fucked am i?

[zepdeans]

there’s not a lot I can say about s3 that hasn’t already been said (and articulated 200x better) but! here are some of my (albeit dumb) thoughts :~)

ep1 -isak leaning against the bathroom wall gets me EVERY time its such a powerful scene esp introducing you to s3 and tarjei..... spare some talent for the rest of us please -LiTeN gUtTeN fRa StRaNgEr tHiNgS -isak rly ties his pants w a shoelace...... -isak noticing even for the first time bc of his laugh.. whew.... also. i love this intro SOOO much bc its so non-monumental? theres no dramatic music or whatever but its not subtle.... like you know right away o shit love interest!! hello sir!! bc isak’s expression watching him :’) i could go on -isak is a bad liar HOWEVER this only applies to stupid nontrivial things e.g. the black sweatshirt. but when you look at him lying about like, his sexuality, he hides that shit well -”c00l” isak. i hate u so much -honestly all u have to do is look at even for .2 seconds and u can tell this boy has had a crush for a solid month bc he just looks awestruck (HOWEVER henrik’s acting is *chef’s kiss* bc its subtle enough to go undetected b4 you actually know eVEN SAW HIM ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) -even isak and emma all sitting on the bench together is funny enough on its on but then a song called threeway comes on and like. julie sdshjsfdjfkjskd ep2 -there’s something so endearing about even’s handwriting idek what -i LOVE even’s video w mikael it reveals so much about him to us- how weird (ok we saw how weird he was w the paper towel thing but) and dorky he is? and his love of film! his view on love stories and how he sees the world :( but it also shows a lot abt isak because he saw even making stupid jokes about vladimir putin and was like yeah we about to fall in LOVE love -isak not using headphones to watch even’s video or r+j?? bde or general incompetence what’s the verdict guys -the isak watching r+j scene hits so hard like yall ever think about isak lying in bed at 3am staring at the ceiling probably thinking about how he’s never gonna get a beautiful world-shattering romance like that like ..... also him changing positions skam get out of my life go away ur too realistic -not to make this even more self-projection-y but isak simultaneously being the least emotionally vulnerable person ever but crying during r+j > -i made a post abt this already but even’s INTENSE staring vs isak’s “i have never looked anyone in the eye in my life” gets me it says so much about their characters -even said i see your bde move (asking me to buy you beer) and i raise u with my own (inviting you to my house after faking not having my id) -”if you listen to music” even is such a dick fsdjhsdff -when the message comes on...... i rlly do owe julie my life huh -”have you heard about my rapping?” “I have actually” have we talked about this enough????? 1. isak finally feels comfortable enough w even to flirt and his first move is to RAP for him jesus christ. keep in mind this is the same man who pulled that smooth af ibuprofen line w emma like...... 2. even has heard about isak’s rapping. either this means im-not-on-social-media even went out of his way to go thru homeboy’s instagram OR isak’s rapping is actually talked about. i- -the group chat messages. cant believe i forgot about the 2016 clown epidemic

ep3  -mahdi is a good friend and i love him. thank u -even wearing isak’s cap until he chucks it at him sjksfjsdjsd -how much yall wanna bet isak’s been listening to illmatic on repeat since last friday thinking abt even (even tho meeting sonja shattered his heart a lil) [also kinda an aside but i think a lot about how isak n even bonded over rap and how some homophobic lyrics in 90s etc rap might have impacted them? or how that little detail ties into julie’s story? e.g. halftime by nas, which is on illmatic] -whats worse. even staring into isaks soul wearing a size xs see-through white t shirt or isak staring at even for five (5) seconds before chugging his beer and immediately making out w emma. OR even crashing that party before it can start “i think you guys are bonding too much” cheesy ass shjhfsdhskdf -yall act like evak didnt invent hands. did even shaking isak’s shoulder telling him his apartment is nice mean nothing to u -im convinced robyn wrote call your girlfriend for this scene specifically bc how could anything fit so perfectly by coincidence -is anything better than egging isak on- even bech naesheim (2016) -idk if yall have read the scripts but i love the sock thing so much bc its soo true to how isak thinks and it makes everything so much more interesting and !!!

ep4  -i will never get over even sending isak bad seinfeld memes -even smacking open isak’s locker. first of all whew second of all u think as soon as he got into the stairwell he lowkey cried bc ow -parallel of isak saying “it’s 2016, why are you religious?” to sana vs. emma’s “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” to isak anyone :( -”takk sanasol!!!!” thank u isak for my life -I wanted to be with you aloneeeee -even’s face when he sees the pool like we get it youre a director -how many times do i need to say even is such a dick sjkfsd “does it look like i care about my hair?” “usually but not right now” like this would only work on isak i love soulmates!! -even just.. fully choking isak out ssdhgfd got em -when the first notes of im kissing you start ooh boy -even going in for the kill kiss and isak going from huh to oooo shit and pushing his lips out at the last minute. phenomenal 

ep5 -ngl as soon as im not in love comes on my heart goes uwu bc like!!!! that song the meaNING.... them......... i jus love this scene sm like theyre in their own little bubble and they both feel so comfortable and at peace :((  -even leaving isak comics about an inside joke of theirs like yall mind if i scream -isak feeling left out from the conversation and his friends whew i felt that... and having them talk about how gross it is to makeout with a girl w facial hair?? blease :( -taking stock of isak’s nicknames: issy k, isabell, izzy, baby jesus, -im not even gonna bother trying to articulate thoughts on Pause bc it’s a literal masterpiece. thank u tarjei henrik and julie for inventing television with this one  -MAGNUS SDFKJSDFJKDSHK "oooh my name is Jonas and I love idealism and reading klassekampen and I don’t like plastic and I skate on a skateboard made of sustainable wood and wear old clothes because new clothes are bad for the environment and I only drink recycled water” screAMMM -what i said abt pause also applies to pride ugh its such a powerful scene and!! the beginning of kicks to isaks stomach. honestly what i fucking love about this episode is how it goes from hell yea best day w even ever to crying in the street within one week (s3 had the best balance of angst and payoff thanks) -even’s Soft Party Flannel... forever tainted by this scene rip -not knowing why even kissed sonja keeps me up at night -speaking of. how used and stupid isak must’ve felt when he saw even completely unbothered, hooking up w his ex at this party?? whew :( -bros is one of my all time favourite clips solely bc of the music?? lift me up gives me chills and when hold my liquor starts i LOSE it -ep5 and 6 remind me of that quote “to see what your characters are really made of you have to break them” because julie rlly goes all in and god it hurts so good

ep6 -never have i ever seen insomnia portrayed as accurately as tarjei did here and i remember when i first watched the cantina scene i was like. winded bc its SO true to sleep deprivation whew -i really like that isak wasnt together with even when he reached out for help and came out to jonas. bc it was him, on his own, being strong enough to talk to his friends and then eventually he was confident and secure enough in himself to be in a good place when even started reaching back out!! -i have no idea what its like to come out to someone, to be afraid of your friends rejecting you, everything isak went through. but tarjei’s acting of when, like, you have something you KNOW you have to tell someone, and youve put yourself in the position where youre going to have to tell them, but youre terrified and eventually just force yourself SAY the words??  -and isak’s smile when he realizes jonas is gonna be his bro no matter what :’)))

ep7 -weirdly one of my favourite isak looks (black t-shirt grey snapback c-c-c-combo) -”what’s your name again?” have i mentioned i love sana and isak bc i love sana and isak -jonas truly is the best friend oh man. perceptive, thoughtful, loving, laidback, a friggen BRO. tbh i was wary of him in s1 and thought he didn’t treat eva well (tho I recognized he loved her a lot, he was just bad at being a boyfriend) but jonas in s3?? just goes to show how powerful your perspective of someone can change viewing them in a different role!! because while jonas was a crappy bf, he literally is SUCH an incredible friend and his actions and words and just! him! in s3 completely redeemed any illwill I had towards him :’) -maybe im a little gay (up there with other s3 comedy classics such as “thats a boys name”) -mahdi season WHEN ugh a legend -’when someone asks isak if hes going to a family party’ literally what other reason for living do i have if not to read the boy squad text convos -isaks locker finally opening and his smile at evens drawing whewwwwwww!! also even rlly is that guy who wont text you back but will leave hand written love letters in ur locker -also. another stellar look from valtersen -slutt a meld meg is a whole masterpiece like what other piece of media has the RANGE -eskild: play hard to get. jonas: no smiley!!! isak: nah fam im good B)

ep8 -this episode is BEAUTIFUL bc you feel practically euphoric?? like hell yeah theyre finally together!! isak is out and accepted and even is done with sonja! but theres also this unsettling undercurrent of worry bc you know deep down something isnt right? why is sonja calling isak? why is even acting kinda strange? whats going on? yknow?? -literally never going to get over 5 fine frokner :~) even is such a goddamn nerd and he’s the man of isak’s dreams can u believe!!  -sana’s little speech is SO important in so many ways ooo i love her so much -also have we discussed eskild making evak do a photoshoot for him. highkey those are my favourite pictures of ALL time u can tell even was like hm strange but im down while isak was more omg guys stop🙄 omg haha eskild i cant believe youre making me cuddle with even for a photo🙄 i cant believe ur making me snuggle this dude for a pic!!!! definitely would not have done this otherwise!!! -magnus only realizing it’s THAT even after seeing how isak looks at him. whew -isak is so brave i rlly love that kid! his text to his mamma <3 -no r*make will EVER nail text conversations like mari/julie did w evak’s this week thanks for coming to my ted talk. i'd quote the best ones but it would literally double the length of this post (ok ill cave. “hahaha shut up❤️” GETS me) -you dont know whats in store but you know what youre here for. hallo -isak running around oslo with even’s clothes looking for him :( his heart is so big he cares about even so so much -when Part II (on the run) comes on in the credits its like a kick in the teeth honestly

ep9 -ive already screamed enough about cherry wine but god it fucks me up -cannot put into words how much I love eskild and how good of a person he is, he just has so much love in his heart  -”wait they have waffles here? see ya” -this convo is why i love skam so much!!!! magnus giving insight and good thoughtful advice to isak was such a brilliant move by julie (also truLy heartwarming) bc like. magnus is a flawed layered character! he’s dumb and ignorant and not very careful with his words BUT hes also such a sweet guy. i genuinely dont think he would hurt a fly and him talking about vilde (in ep10) is ;-; bc he really likes her and respects her and wants to be a gentleman! hes so loving and just. yeah. also i wonder if isak and magnus (and vilde) ever talked about having mentally ill parents and lent on each other for support bc like....<3 [sidenote- this is why i HATE b***** like they absolutely massacred magnus’s character and magnus did not deserve that!] -det er bare slutt........ very cool of tarjei to invent acting here. also the character development makes me WEEP like at first isak lied and told his pappa it was over bc its easier to brush stuff off and say you were joking than be vulnerable especially about 1. having a boyfriend and 2. saying youve already broken up?? but then isak was like hey im done with lying about who i am bc i want my life to be REAL and he told his dad the truth even if it was hard and even if he was trying rlly hard not to cry  -isak reaching out to even<3 standing up for even<3 -o helga natt. another scene i genuinely cannot comment on bc u cant really put into any written language how magical and breathtaking and heartbreaking and powerful and brilliant this scene is. so. -jk. obvs i cant say anything intelligent enough to give this scene justice but probably the most stunning piece of television i have ever had the privilege of watching. even’s text breaks my heart every gd time (esp since we never really see this side of him before finding out he’s bipolar? his guilt, insecurity, feeling like a burden, being scared of losing everyone in his life because he thinks he’ll hurt them). the music is SO beautiful i cry real tears as soon as the strings start. also the brilliance of JUST o helga natt playing and no dialogue except for isaks one line? isak’s realization when he sees the cross. him RUNNING across oslo to go to even. the FLASHBACKS all going backwards in chronological order until them smoking on the bench. isak looking at the bench and not seeing even and u can feel his heart breaking and urs breaks too! but then he remembers the bathroom and he turns and theres even and whewwww. du er ikke alene<3

ep10 -minutt for minutt is THE most healing clip im telling u. and like.. seeing even depressed really is hard and as someone who was very very depressed for 4-ish yrs of their life it rlly hits me? like when youre in an especially bad funk and you cant get out of bed and youre just numb and exhausted and feel so shitty and u want to be alone but you really dont???? could go on but literally i owe henrik holm my life for his portrayal of even  -not to be a soft bitch on main but when isak tucks the blanket over even and it keeps getting pulled off his back so isak just. covers that spot with himself? -i do love that call between sonja and isak bc once again! a flawed (realistic) human being -and isak thinking its his fault even is depressed? it means a lot that sonja told him its no ones fault, even is just bipolar. and i wonder if isak felt that way about his mamma as well, guilty for her being ill, and if what sonja said made him feel better about that situation too :( -lowkey random but when isak is rambling really fast and he goes “maybe we’ll get bombed tomorrow and talking about all this is a waste of time” it continually punches me in the throat bc that is /exactly/ how i ramble and think like tarjei........ pls -like eskild said. there really is so much love in isak’s little grumpy teenage body<3 -isak no longer just passively accepting life as its given to him, now he fights for him and even!!!!!  -isak is such a forgiving person and seeing him able to just accept things and move on? incredible -i remember when i first watched ep1 i was like oooo even and isak are gonna be kosegruppa partners and thats when theyll first get together, cooking food or smth!! but lmfao after episode 3? kosegruppa whomst???? also hilarious vilde thought isak of all people would willingly sign up for kosegruppa just to go to revue parties -even and linn friendship!!!! -cannot articulate how mf heartwarming it is to see even smiling and being more himself after being depressed (also thank u julie for having ups and downs coming out of his depression- its so true to life having one day when youre feeling awesome and then the next you feel awful again for no reason and its SO frustrating) -I had to stop watching passe pa meg cause it made me toooooo crazy! it would just be like: “I like seeing you laugh” and I was like: *SCREAMS* -im the fucking master of lying 😤 -literally don’t know why isak and even ragging on kosegruppa is so funny but “did you think I joined to have fun” gets me every time -I SAW YOU THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL -also even literally radiating love @ isak watching get snarky w vilde on the phone bc it reminded him of the first time he saw him! even rly is that boyfriend who thinks isak being pissy is the Best Thing he has Ever seen -halla boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz -literally the glo up of isak telling his friends the order in which he’d bang them -No filter! wow I love symbolism -so nice to see the girls together for a lil bit :) -the boys hyping up mags while also telling him to be respectful awwwwww -take desperate to a whole new level- Confucius  -who’s going to show isak how to properly hold a beer can -literally evak banter gets me thru the day. thank u tarjei and henrik for having phenomenal chemistry + improvisation skills + making isak and even the dumbest nerdiest boys i have ever seen -biology partner. and friend. ;-; -even literally is the biggest stoner blease -isak’s talk with eva is just sooooo<3 and not to be emo on main but every single word of the last few sentences he says hit me so gd hard because i feel the exact same way in my BONES -livet er nå 💛

final thoughts :( <3 -this season is so special. it feels like one really long oscar-worthy movie or smth?? i cant even exblain, its just magical. ALSO very dear to my heart. -julie really said you guys have seen isak sad and alone and repressed for the past two seasons so heres him falling in love with the best person in the world and coming to terms with who he is and being brave and opening up and finally being happy and living a real life -this season definitely feels different from s1/2/4 to me editing or production or music smth wise? as in, its got a lot fewer aesthetic shots and the cinematography seems a bit different if that makes any sense???? I also think this is the season most focused just on the main (i.e. not many- if any? sideplots going on) -literally will never get over the thought, love, and detail put into this season. when i say there is literally nothing i would change about it, i mean it and coming from my nitpicky ass??? means a lot lmfao. the acting, directing, music choices, symbolism...... sublime -s3′s cold rainy autumn aesthetic makes me ACHE for fall and also nostalgic for a highschool experience I never had lmao?? also. all the nighttime clips >>> -don’t know what else to say except thank u skam for my life

[negasonicimagines]

TEAM (Part Two)

I forgot to mention that this fic is partially inspired by Lorde’s “Team,” hence the title. Kind of about how no matter how much you and the other characters here bicker, you’re all on each others’ team.

This is the second part to TEAM (Part One) [but I hope that’d be obvious] and therefore is inspired by the same request and has essentially the same trigger warnings.

“So, you and Ellie, huh? About time,” Logan remarks, and you feel yourself blush.

“No! It’s not like that! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d be the luckiest girl in the world, but, uh… No, it’s not like that.”

“Are you sure about that? I’ve seen the way you two are together. When she’s not looking at you or her phone, she’s watching everyone else like a hawk, like they’re threats. Honestly, Piotr’s worried about her.”

At the mention of Wade’s friend, you’re reminded of what Logan said before, about the thing that he knew that he shouldn’t tell her, the thing Wade also knew.

“What was that, anyway? The thing you knew that you didn’t know before that you would’ve told me if you had but couldn’t tell me?”

“I’m afraid that’s Wade’s business.”

“Great,” you remark. “So, I’ll never know.”

“Listen, kid, I know the stuff he said-”

“Screamed.”

“The stuff he screamed at you was pretty fucking awful. But… He had his reasons, okay? Being around him, being as close to him as you were was dangerous. It made you a target,” Logan explains.

“When will you people realize that I can’t die forever?! I’ve died plenty of times, and I always come back! Let me make my own decisions!”

“How many times have you died, Y/N?” Logan asks.

“It’s just… Hard not to starve when my mom kicks me out over school breaks, especially with the metabolism that comes with a healing factor. I can’t stay with Wade all the time, he has himself and Al to worry about. Muggers don’t like when you don’t have money. Mom doesn’t like me when I don’t have money. I don’t know, probably like eight or nine times.”

“You should’ve come here!” Logan scolds, and you want to curl in on yourself, just like before. “I’m sorry. He and I both know just how much dying can fuck you up, so, to hear you say that you’ve died.... And that you don’t care if you do? It’s concerning, to say the least.”

“Boo-hoo, Y/N’s crazy. Who isn’t?” you remark, annoyed at his concern. Men, they always think they know better.

He sighs. “Listen. You should just talk to him, I’m sure-”

“No,” you say, and it comes out as a whimper. The wound was still fresh. “I don’t want to.”

“Hey, he’s not gonna hurt you,” Logan reassures you. “He probably feels bad for what he said, and-”

“I said no,” you cut him off, but the sad tone in your voice doesn’t make you sound very convincing.

“And he’s not gonna apologize unless he thinks you wanna hear it. You know how Wade gets when he feels guilty, he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”

“Well, I don’t wanna hear an apology. I just want him to be my friend again, like before. That’s it. I don’t care to know why, or how, or whatever. I just miss my friend,” you admit, and Logan sighs.

“Okay...”

“Is it alright if I go? I wanna get started on my Chemistry homework.”

“Yeah,” Logan says. “Go ahead. See you next Wednesday. Or, sooner, if you need anything.”

You leave the gym, making your way to your dorm  with your head down, when you bump into a familiar red-suited man.

“Sorry,” you squeak, not even able to meet the eyes of the mask, before attempting to go past him. He stops you, grabbing at your shoulder, but you flinch away. “Please d-don’t…”

“Y/N…” Wade murmurs, filled with remorse at his rampage. He’d made you scared of him, which means it worked, but he regrets how much it hurt you. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“You’re not, huh?” Ellie, swiftly approaching, asks. “Pretty sure you already did, Deadpool.”

“I just wanted-” he starts, but Ellie, your avenging angel, cuts him off.

“You just wanted what, huh? To terrorize them more, is that it?

“Terrorize? I-”

“You what? Didn’t? Because as someone who sleeps in the same room as Y/N, I can confirm that you did. They cry in their sleep like they did the day it happened. Did you know that, that you made them cry? I guess you do now. So, leave, before I decide I’m going to follow you out the door and blow you to Hell.”

“E-Ellie, I said not to hurt him,” you quietly tell her, and she clenches her fists, grumbling.

“You did?” Wade asks.

“Of course,” you respond meekly, tapping the tips of your fingers together and avoiding the gaze of everyone around you. and Ellie places an arm around you, glaring at Wade without mercy.

“I’m- I’m so sorry, Y/N. I- I just didn’t know what to do, so much was happening. I was so angry at the situation, so scared for your safety, and I took all that aggression out on you, the one person I should’ve been channeling those feelings into protecting, and I- I know I already said it, but I’m a blabbermouth with nothing else to say, so… I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, kid. I know you probably don’t care, you just wanna start over and stay the hell away from me, but I’m sorry. And my door’s always open.”

“Thank you. I forgive you,” you nod, smiling a little, You’re already starting to feel better, more like yourself.

“You what?” Ellie questions, shaking with anger. “He hurt you. He shouldn’t ever be forgiven.”

“She’s right,” Wade agrees, head down.

“Well, it’s my forgiveness, and I can do whatever the hell I want with it,” you remind them, shrugging.

“There she is,” Wade says quietly, and you can somehow tell that he’s smiling. You don’t know if it’s body language, tone of voice, or what, but he’s smiling.

“I’m sorry for making you worry. I’m gonna keep living here, and I’m gonna keep taking better care of myself, so no one has to worry about me again,” you inform him.

“Wrong goal, but I appreciate the method. I don’t mind worrying about you, kid, but I’d rather worry about you not doing your homework than about the next time you’re gonna collapse on my porch, dead.”

“What?” Ellie wonders, and you groan. “Wait, have you died?”

“Goddammit, Wade,” you grumble. “She didn’t know that.”

“H-how?”

“Not important,” you tell her.

“No, it is, Y/N. You want all of us to get over the fact that you can die, but the truth is that you need to get over the fact that we care if you die,” Wade corrects you. There’s no malice in his tone, but the words themselves cause anxiety to slither out of the pit of your stomach like a snake and curl around your lungs and heart, maintining a tight grip.

“It’s because of you not eating or sleeping enough, isn’t it?” Ellie asks. “That’s what you guys were in that fight about the other morning, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you admit, and Ellie closes her eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath and trying to remain calm for your sake, for her own sake.

“Right,” she responds, sighing. “Well, I’m not letting that happen again.”

“Challenge accepted,” you chuckle, and she rolls her eyes.

“I was just on my way back to Photography. Forgot my camera. See you later.”

She makes her way in the direction of the classroom, disappearing around a corner.

“Man, if she didn’t hate me before, she sure does now,” Wade says, and you smile, shaking your head. “Really?” he asks.

“Photography is Mondays and Thursdays… And she didn’t even have her camera.”

Wade scoffs. “Well, she’s definitely taking good care of you. I always knew she would, one day. When did you two finally make it official?  I’m sorry that I missed it.”

“We haven’t made anything official, Wade, she doesn’t like me like that. We’re just close friends.”

He rolls his eyes, going to playfully shove your shoulder, but you flinch away. He sighs.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. “I- I was so cruel, I just wanted to say whatever i could to get you away, to protect you, from m-”

“From what? The thing Logan keeps talking about?”

“What thing?” he asks, sounding a bit panicked.

“He keeps saying that there’s this thing he knows that he would’ve told me if he’d known before but he shouldn’t tell me now. It’s super weird, but he said you were going to tell me before you- You-” You stop yourself from continuing, still, shaking a little bit at the memory. It was only the day before yesterday.

“Yeah,” he responds quietly. “It was part of the reason I did that. I just- Us being friends was already dangerous, and you being- You- You’re- I- I’m so sorry I left you with her, if I’d known, if I’d known she was pregnant...I would’ve done the right thing! I’m not that kind of dirtbag, you’ve gotta believe me, and I’m just so, so sorry. Everything that’s wrong with your life, maybe it wouldn’t have happened if I’d just thought- If I’d just thought, but I was young, and stupid, and there’s nothing I can do now except own up to it, own up to the fact that I- I am- I’m- Oh, please…” He practically falls into you, wrapping his arms around your neck. You feel him shake with sobs, and you cry, too, but with a different emotion. Not regret, but happiness.

“You? You’re him?” you ask, and he readjusts himself, backing away from you.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked before hugging, I just didn’t think it was gonna be so hard, and you’re my best friend, and I- I don’t know, I don’t know. I’m so sorry that I’m your father.”

“You are? You’re sorry?” you ask, knowing that he’s apologizing because he regrets it, regrets you and your entire existence.

“Not in the way you’re thinking! You- You deserve so much better, I wanted so much better for you,” he reassures you, or, at least, attempts to.

“How do you even know?”

“I just… I talked to Xavier to see if he had any connections that could help me find your father, and he said he did, but he insisted that I give him a sample of my DNA to see if they match before he used his connections. I laughed it off, but then… it was a match.”

“How’d you get my DNA?” You wonder.

“Oh, I stuck a cotton swab in your mouth while you were sleeping. Wasn’t hard, you’re a really heavy sleeper,” he says, and you have a faint memory of the dream you had about a week ago where you were abducted by aliens that wanted to harvest your DNA to create genetically modified pet humans for their home planet. You laugh.

“So, you found out it was a match, and then… You were angry about it? Hated that the Wilson family legacy wasn’t going to end with you?”

“No. I was angry, yeah, but at myself. I was irresponsible, and my best friend in the whole world sufferred because of it. I never recognized your mom the times I’d seen her, and we had sex!”

“You had sex with my mom? Bro code violation alert!” you joke, and he chuckles bitterly.

“Right?” he responds. “But… I don’t even know where to go from here. Things can’t go back to normal, that’s not okay. I need to step up. And, even if it was the right thing to do, going back to normal… I get the feeling that you’re not gonna be that comfortable around me for a while. I was… I was just like my dad. My worst fucking fear.”

“You’re not him, okay? I promise.”

“I should be comforting you,” he says, stepping towards you. Out of renewed instinct, you step back. He’s heartbroken.

“Try- Try not to take it personally, I’m like this with just about everybody,” you attempt to make him feel better, but he shakes his head.

“You haven’t been like this with me, not before- Before I did what I did. Said those things, those awful, untrue things. Why did I say those things? They weren’t the truth, they were the opposite of it. I love hearing from you, it makes every day better. Finding you on my couch is a great feeling, knowing that someone as great as you trusts me, sees me as someone who can keep them safe.”

“And my memes?” You ask in a sarcastically accusatory tone.

“The funniest,” he replies. “Can I- Can I give you a hug?”

You nod, and he surges forward, wrapping you up in his arms and spinning you around.

“I always hoped it’d be like that,” you quietly admit, and he beams.

“Listen, we can talk later at dinner. I think you’ve got a certain girl you need to talk to, and she and her metal accomplice are approaching.”

“I think she’s his accomplice,” you correct with a laugh.

“Gotta bounce before the hardest guy on Earth ropes me into another mission. I’ll be back, though, kid.”

“Yeah. See you soon…”

“Wade’s fine for now, unless you wanna call me something else. We can negotiate later, ‘kay? Love you, bye.” Wade scurries down the hall, not realizing that he’s going towards the dorms, not the exit.

“Wade Wilson!” calls Piotr from behind you, and you turn around to see that Ellie is far closer to you than she is to Piotr, having gone faster on her smaller, lighter legs.

“Uh, hello…” you say dumbly.

“Based on your expression, I’d say that discussion went well.”

“Very well. Thank you for giving him the opportunity to talk to me alone, I’m sure you didn’t wanna do that.”

“I didn’t, but I figured it was the best option. Tell me more on the way to the dorm.”

“Well, uh… He apologized, a lot. Not just for the fights.”

“For letting you die?”

“No. Worse.”

“Holy shit, what’d he do, and why haven’t I heard about it?” She asks, tense.

“Because I didn’t know,” you reply defensively. “He’s- He’s my biological father, Ellie.”

“Whoa… Seriously? How long has he known?”

“I don’t know, but not long, the DNA tests were recently. He just wanted to help me find my dad and when he asked Xavier if he had any way of helping, the Professor said that he had to submit a sample to be tested. Turn’s out the old man’s hunch was right. You… You still wanna be friends, right?”

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I?” Ellie wonders.

“I just- I know you don’t like Wade very much, and I’m technically his daughter, so…”

“So? That doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore,” Ellie argues, and then covers her mouth.

“You love me?”

“Yeah, but just, like, in a friend way,” she plays it off rather smoothly, in her opinion, but you sigh in disappointment before you can stop yourself. “Wait, do you love me in a not-friend way?”

“Not really sure what you wanna hear,” you respond, feeling the recently-sealed cracks in your heart refracturing.

“Do you?” she asks.

You’re silent as the two of you walk to your shared dorm.

“Y/N, I asked you a question. Do you love me as a friend, or as more?”

You feel overheated and nauseous, that’s how nervous you are. You attempt to take some steadying breaths before answering: “More.”

“Oh, thank god…” she sighs. “I- I told you on Monday, when you fell asleep with me. But you were asleep, so, you didn’t hear me… Duh… I sound so stupid right now, don’t I?”

“No, not at all! Jeez, today just keeps getting better and better, I mean it!” You exclaim.

“Can- Can I kiss you?” Ellie asks nervously, and your eyes widen, but you nod. She takes your face in her hands and just goes for it, pressing her lips to yours. You respond immediately, wrapping your arms around her neck while her hands slip past your face and into your hair, tugging gently. You let out a small, quiet moan at that, and you can feel her smirk a little. She kisses you faster, pushing her body closer to yours, and your knees give out. She catches you in the nick of time, laughing a bit at how easily flustered you are as she nudges you toward the bed, sitting there with you. “Your knees are right, we probably shouldn’t rush into things.”

“Yeah…” you admit, resting your head on her shoulder.

“I love you…” She mumbles. “I’ve loved you for a long time, actually.”

“Same here. When did you know?”

Ellie replies: “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“I can tell you first, if you want,” you offer.

“Yeah, do that…” She says.

“I just realized that every time I was upset, you were there, making me feel better. Even if you didn’t know it. Every time my mom hit me, or I got stabbed by an asshole mugger, or I was about to faint from hunger… You were right there. Making my life better just by existing.”

“I wish I could’ve been right there in person, to help you,” Ellie says, and you shake your head.

“That’s not the point. The point is that you did, without even trying. You always make me happy, without even trying.You just have to be there and everything is better.”

“That’s really nice… I feel dumb now,” Ellie confesses.

“It’s not dumb! Probably not, I mean…” you reply, nuzzling her chest a bit as you try to get a bit cozier.

“Um...You probably don’t know this, but I used to get in fights a lot before we met. And Piotr would always lecture me, telling me it wasn’t heroic to fight out of anger. That I should fight for something, not because of something. That I should be aware of the consequences that come with fighting, and truly think about them before I did. I never understood what he meant, and then we met and became friends… Then best friends…

“I didn’t even realize that before every fight, even the ones I was assigned, I’d think about how I was going to make the world a better place for you. I’d think about what you would think if you heard what I was doing. I- I made a mistake at one point, got angry over nothing and got into another stupid, pointless fight. It was the first time in awhile I’d heard Colossus’s spiel, and I realized my thinking process with every world he spoke. It all just made me think of how I feel about you. You’d made me a better person, more mindful of the consequences of my actions, my thoughtless, immature violence. That’s when I knew.”

“Oh, shut up! That’s way better than mine and not embarrassing at all! Show-off,” you remark, and she chuckles.

“That was fucking beautiful!” Wade wails from behind the door.

“I think I liked it better when you two weren’t friends,” Ellie comments, and you smile at her, shaking your head. She takes your hand in hers and squeezes gently.

“Oh, come on. You can’t hate him. I mean, I wouldn’t exist without him, for a few reasons. I mean, he’s the one who passed me the gene for a healing factor, even if his was recessive before. And, I mean, he’s the sperm donor either way.”

“I heard that!” he shouts, and Ellie smiles at you, planting another kiss on your lips.

You could get used to this.

[coffeecrusadeclub]

Too late? -a tyrus fic pt 1/2

*this is super loosely inspired by that scene from Love, Simon* *note its like time jumped so there no underage stuff going on* *TW tho theres a lot of drinking*

TJs POV

It took about 2 hours of debate but I decided to go to Cyrus's party. I've also decided that I was finally going to tell him how Ive felt, Ive waited just about 5 years to tell him and I think its time. I picked out my nicest tshirt and matched it with black jeans and made my way over.

I got there and was greeted at the door by a bubbly and excited Cyrus

"Hey TJ glad u could make it. Come on"

He ushered me in and I smiled at him, i contemplated telling him in that moment but decided I needed to work up the nerve since there was way more people here than i expectdd. I walked over to the kitchen and grabbed myself a beer from the cooler.

About 2 hours and 6 beers later i finally decided to tell Cyrus. I looked around and couldn't find him so I decided to ask buffy

"Hey have you seen Cyrus?"

"Uh yeah I think he went upstairs Why?"

"I need to talk to him"

"Finally telling him about your crush?"

"I-i dont know what youre talking about"

"Its okay TJ its cute, go talk to ya mans"

I shoved her playfully laughing. And turned to go upstairs I made my way to Cyrus's room rather quickly i wasn't looking up and opened the door slowly stepping in

"Hey Cyrus I really need to talk to-"

I looked up and see Cyrus sitting in the lap of some guy without a shirt making out, I felt my heart sink

"I-Im so sorry I d-didnt know"

I ran out the room not stopping even though i heard Cyrus call out for me I ran past Buffy who stopped me by grabbing hold of my arm

"What happened?"

"He was up there with some half naked guy"

"He what!? Why would he do that hes like in love with you

"Obviously not." I turned back to see a messy haired Cyrus running toward me

"I got to go" i grumbled to Buffy before quickly making an exit. As unathletic as he says he is, Cyrus can run fast when he wants he caught me outside as I was getting off the porch

"TJ please wait its not what you think"

"It looked pretty clear"

"Its not like that I swear"

"What am I supposed to think, if I didnt walk in you werent going to get in bed with that guy" I felt jealousy run through me my tone a lot more harsh than I meant.

"TJ whats this about why are you so mad?"

"It doesnt matter anymore its too late I know the truth"

"TJ please I swear-"

"Whatever Cyrus I have to go"

"TJ-"

I ignored his call and kept walking home. When I went home I realized nobody was home and just screamed into the darkness of the house I punched the wall

"IM SO STUPID" I yelled into the darkness as I slid down the wall crying. I pulled my phone out and stared at pictures of me and Cyrus. My phone was blowing up. Cyrus wanted to explain himself, Buffy wanted to know if Im okay, and Amber wanted to know where I was. I texted back Amber to let her know I walked home, and told Buffy I was fine but ignored Cyrus. I drank a few more beers that I had in the fridge before I went to bed and cried myself to sleep. I was woke up by Amber who sat at the edge of my bed with water and an asprin.

"I dont know how much you drank last night but I thought youd want this" she handed it to me and I groaned in response to sitting up and smiled at her thankfully as i took the aspirin.

"TJ what happened last night"

My heart sunk as I remembered the sequence of events last night. I looked down at my hand which was bruised and cut up from hitting the wall. I never cleaned it so there was still some dried blood on my knuckles.

"Is this what happened to the wall?"

I looked down at the glass of water I held in my lap a tear rolling down my eyes

"TJ come on talk to me what happened?"

"I was too late I missed my chance"

"What do you mean"

"I finally decided to tell Cyrus the truth. Buffy told me he was up in his room so I went to find him.."

"Oh no what was he doing?"

"He was sitting in the lap of some half naked guy who was probably more attractive that me"

"Did you see who it was?"

"No Cyrus's head was blocking the guys face."

"TJ im so sorry. Did Cyrus say anything?"

"He followed me outside and tried to say it wasn't what it looked like. I snapped at him I just- I couldnt even look at him. Hes been texting me all night I think i have a load of missed calls and texts from him"

"Whatd he say?"

"He wants to talk about what happened"

"TJ you should really talk to him tell him the truth"

"Theres no point I was too late if he was ever into me, hes not now"

"You dont know that. Come on tell me you havent hooked up with at least one guy because you were drunk off your high horse"

I looked down at my hands to avoid her gaze.

"Thats what I thought. Text him back"

She walked out of my room and closed the door softly. I looked down at my phone and read Cyrus's texts.

TJ im so sorry you saw that

TJ I swear its not what you think

TJ! Answer my texts what are you doing stop ignoring me!

I stared at my phone and contemplated just erasing his number entirely. But I couldnt bring myself to hit erase. I stared at the picture Id chosen as his icon and smiled. I felt tears rolling down my cheek. And texted him back

It sure looked like what I thought Cyrus. Whats there to talk about

He replied almost immediately, as if he was staring at his phone waiting for me to respond

Tj please I swear its not like that. I didn't even know that guys last name

Oh because that makes it so much better. I think Im better off just not texting you. See you around

TJ stop please text me back

TJ call me

Dammit TJ if you dont respond Im going to just show up at your house

I read his last text and sighed

Theres nothing to talk about

Fine then Whatever I'll see you in about half an hour then

Don't come over Cyrus I dont want to see you.

He didn't respond and I wondered if he was really coming over. I made my way downstairs to the kitchen and opened the fridge. I didnt pay any attention to Amber who was sitting at the counter, who I knew was staring at me. I reached toward the back of the fridge and grabbed a beer. Before i could even pick it up I heard Amber's voice behind me

"You dont need that"

"Mind your own damn buisness"

"TJ idk how much you drank at the party but you drank an entire six pack here."

I sighed did I really drink that much last night? I looked at Amber, who mustve sensed my disbelief,as she motioned towards the counter. 6 empty beer bottles sat there

"Those were all you TJ. Youre worrying me, youve never drink this much. You never day drink either"

I didnt respond and put the beer on the counter. I walked over to the empty bottles and grabbed them shoving them into the recycling box before grabbing my full one and walking away.

"TJ.."

"Im fine Amber" I snapped at her and instantly felt kind of bad, I sighed.

"Its just one beer"

"Yeah right now but how do I know its not going to turn to 3 then 5 and so on."

"I just need to not remember Amber I need to forget" I replied harshly

"Thats not the right way" Amber sounded like she was going to cry and I sighed, opening the beer anyway. Defeated, Amber sighed and went upstairs to her room. I opened the fridge and grabbed a full six pack and took it up to my room. About 25 minutes later I heard Amber open the door. I assumed she was going out. I heard it click shut and heard her talking to someone. I sighed and looked around I already finished off the one beer and then three more from the six pack. The empty bottles sprawled across my bed, I was half way through my 5th beer two more in the six pack. I wiped tears away from my face, I didnt realize I was crying. I heard a knock on my door and sighed

"Im not in the mood Amber"

My door creaked open and I looked up to see Cyrus poking his head in the room. He looked at my surroundings and sighed. I guess Amber told him her worries. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him.

"You showed up" I said taking a drink

"TJ youre drinking too much you need to slow down"

Cyrus motioned towards the beer bottles on my bed and I scoffed.

"Look I dont know what Amber told you but shes delusional"

"Show me your hand"

"Why"

"Just show me"

I put my hand out, I still havent cleaned it so it looked a lot worse than it felt. Cyrus sighed and walked into the bathroom, he came out with a washcloth and some bandages.

"Youre going to get an infection if you leave it like this"

I watched as he cleaned and bandaged my hand "I dont know why you care so much dont you have Mr. No-Name to catch up with?"

"TJ why are you acting like this? I told you Im not into him. Either way you have no right to be all jealous"

"Im not jealous"

[masterxsquare-blog]

You know what really doesn't help motivate me to write Eraqus? Going into his tag, or the bbs tag and finding Eraqus hate, or rants about how Eraqus was the real villain of bbs, or how Eraqus was abusive to his students.

Before you ask, I'm not going to follow this post up with a '#eraqusdidnothingwrong' tag, because Eraqus made his share of mistakes in BBS. He's not entirely blameless.

Do I think he was abusive to the wayfinder trio? No. People are quick to say Eraqus is responsible for Terra going down the path he took, because he held Terra back during the mark of mastery exam. Because Terra had darkness in his heart. Because Terra couldn't keep his darkness in check.

Eraqus relationship with Terra isn't abusive, I would however go so far as to say it was more neglectful. Now, some people tend to consider Neglect a form of abuse. Abuse is something you intentionally do. Neglect is unintentional.

There are three points people often bring up against Eraqus. His treatment of Terra, his opinions of light and darkness, and, of course, the major elephant in the room, him trying to kill Ventus.

Going back to his neglecting of Terra, and how people, apparently, call Eraqus' treatment of Terra 'abuse', here's where I feel this is not Abuse, but that Eraqus was neglectful of the big problem surrounding Terra. Eraqus has likely been training Aqua and Terra from a very young age, he's not just their teacher, but their parental figure as well, and he has raised the two of them to be fine keyblade masters. With Terra viewing Eraqus as the father he never had, what boy wouldn't want to make his daddy proud? But with that desire to make Eraqus proud, also comes the doubt that he won't be good enough to make Eraqus proud. Not only does doubt come into play, but maybe also a hint of jealousy towards his fellow student? After all, Aqua excelled in magic while Terra seemed more focused on improving his physical strength. Of course, Eraqus had always been proud of his students, why wouldn't he be? Eraqus either knew about this and chose to do nothing in hopes that Terra would correct it on his own, or Terra was really good at hiding his insecurities to the point that no one noticed, and it allowed the darkness in him to manifest.

Then comes the day you've been waiting for, the mark of mastery exam. The day Terra and Aqua have spent their whole lives preparing for. Eraqus even stated before the sparring match that this wasn't about winning or losing, but it's a sparring match, and Terra is determined to win. Aqua gets a momentary upper hand, and suddenly all those doubts come back and manifest in a little burst of darkness. That right there is an automatic red flag for Eraqus. The mark of mastery is about demonstrating a mastery of one's own heart, and that momentary slip up shows that Terra has not mastered himself yet.

Imagine, if you will, that you are in driver's ed., youve spent your entire course working towards getting your license. Your teacher tells you that if you keep at it, you're guaranteed to pass the final exam. Then, after all that build up, you blow a red light on the driving test and your teacher fails you on the spot. The instructor tells you that you did everything else right, but that mistake at the red light is an automatic fail, because that mistake could cost you your life, the lives of the people in your vehicle, and the lives of those around you.

Terra's momentary manifesting of the darkness made from his doubts is the same as you blowing that red light. He didnt keep his heart in check and allowed his doubts to get the better of him. Eraqus even states, after the exam that he would have made Terra a master in a heartbeat, if it were up to him, but he can't so long as Terra can't keep his heart in check. What if Terra gives in again? What if the next time his darkness manifests, someone gets hurt? What if the darkness in his heart proves too strong for Terra to control?

Eraqus gives Terra a second chance, which is sending him off to protect the worlds from the Unversed. However, Eraqus neglects to address the problem of where Terra's darkness came from, and how to overcome it. More than likely, like before, Eraqus trusts that Terra will be able to sort it out himself. As a precaution, he sends Aqua to keep an eye on him, in case his fears are realized and Terra loses control.

He neglects the obvious problem, a problem he may have had a hand in unintentionally making. It's not as though Eraqus began berating Terra and calling him a failure, he gave him another chance, he offered Terra assurance, not harsh remarks.

The one who twisted Eraqus' words and intentions around was Xehanort. He is the one who stoked the dark flames in Terra's heart, told him what he wanted to hear, and also fed him lies to fill in the gaps.

What Eraqus should have done was call an end to the mark of mastery exam, and speak with Terra directly about him manifesting the darkness, find the root of the problem and nip it in the bud. What he did was negligence, he turned a blind eye to a serious problem, but he never abused or berated Terra over it.

What also didn't earn Eraqus any points was sending Aqua off go spy on Terra. What Eraqus did was out of parental concern for one of his students, his child. However, because of Xehanort twisting the truth, Terra saw it as a lack of trust.

Next, let's talk about one of the other strikes against Eraqus that people love to bring up. His feelings about the darkness.

Eraqus is a keyblade master, he has been trained to be one from a young age, just like Terra and Aqua. And one of the duties of a keyblade master is to protect the worlds from the darkness. Now, some claim the Eraqus' bias borders on bigotry (don't ask me how this applies to a metaphysical concept like light and darkness in everyone's hearts, I'm not having this argument today.). Maybe his opinions were made that way by the order of the keyblade wielders, or maybe Eraqus has seen what the darkness can do to a man, considering the path Xehanort went down when he became obsessed with the keyblade war. It's possible that Eraqus took his duty to preserve the light so seriously that it altered perception, that light = good and darkness = bad. We don't know the full story regarding Eraqus' feelings and resentment of the darkness.

We don't know what caused the rift that grew between him and Xehanort. Considering Xehanort's journals have him say he once considered Eraqus a brother. We don't know what pushed Eraqus to go from protecting the worlds to 'let the darkness die!'

We know what happened as a result of the rift. Xehanort left the land of departure, gave Eraqus his scars, and then went to experiment on Ventus. We don't know the root cause. What made Eraqus take the stance he did against the darkness? An overzealous sense of duty? Maybe. He saw what the obsession turned Xehanort into? Possibly. We won't know for sure. It could be answered in KH3.

Eraqus bias towards the darkness and that light is right is a skewed viewpoint. But while Xehanort talks about true balance, let's also remember that this is the same guy who drowned the worlds in darkness, twice. Somewhere along the way, these two friends lost sight of the path.

He is biased though, there's no denying that. Does that really make Eraqus a bad person though? Zealous, yes. Villainous, not really, we all have our personal bias

Finally, we get to the 'killing Ventus' portion of the argument. (I've spent most of the day writing this on my phone while I should be working.)

Let's imagine the scenario. First, your fellow apprentice who you once considered a brother has turned down the dark path and left after you two had a fight. Years later, you find out that friend has been experimenting on a boy and nearly destroyed him and left him a vegetable. You would hope that this mistake would turn Xehanort from the dark path. You agree to take the boy in to help him recover.

Time goes by, Ventus recovers, forms a bond with Terra and Aqua. Much like Aqua and Terra, you come to think of Ventus as one of the family.

Okay, so the mark of mastery exam didn't go as planned. Aqua was the only one who ascended to the rank of master, Terra is showing signs of darkness, and now Ventus has run off for reasons unknown.

It's possible Eraqus had Aqua sending back reports regarding Terra's current state, and her reports haven't been very good. Citing the number of worlds Terra visited where he reportedly helped cause chaos. Things aren't looking good for Terra, and Ven still hasn't come home.

Suddenly, Ventus comes home, and he's not happy. He's learned the truth of his origins, and what Xehanort did to him. He knows he's a component to forge the x-blade, and you realize Xehanort never abandoned his ambitions, merely put them on hold.

What do you do? Track down Xehanort and try to stop him directly? No one knows where he is. Find the boy in the mask who is made of Ventus' darkness? Finding him is as hard as finding Xehanort. You have only one option to prevent the creation of the x-blade... and that's to kill your student.

To your surprise, Ventus seems willing to go along with it. He doesn't want to be used as a tool to hurt Terra and Aqua. You can even hear the regret in Eraqus' voice when he says 'you must exist no more.'

It's possible, that if Terra hadn't intervened, things might have gone differently, Eraqus might have stopped himself. Much as he wants to prevent another keyblade war, can he really bring himself to kill one of his students? One of his children? He probably would have stopped himself, and tried to find another way.

The problem is that an already tense situation is thrown into chaos by the arrival of Terra, who has grown stronger with the darkness. One of your students is key to a madman's plan to cause a universe ending catastrophe, and another has given into a chaotic force that brings only corruption. You are now enraged, and blinded by your own grief and inability to see the writing on the wall.

He neglected Terra and he caused this, he didn't stop the spread of Terra's darkness and allowed him to fall into Xehanort's hands, and now he's trying to fight Eraqus with that dark power.

The situation has spun out of control, Ventus has been blown away to who knows where, and Terra and Eraqus are at each others throats. It's exactly how Xehanort wants it to go.

And of course, we all know how it ends for Eraqus.

From the dialogue, and the fact that Eraqus and Terra quickly lost control of the situation, and the dialogue from Eraqus, you can tell he doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want to hurt Ventus, he doesn't want to fight Terra. He is torn. Torn between his duty as a keyblade master and his duty as a teacher and caregiver. No matter how the situation plays out, no one benefits from it... except one guy, Xehanort.

Eraqus is by no means a perfect character, he's made mistakes, so have a number of the other characters. He is neglectful, he is biased, but he is not abusive, and he is not the villain here.

As I said before, I'm not going to tag this with a '#eraqusdidnothingwrong' tag. I will however, tag this with a #stoptheEraqushate tag. I'm sick of seeing posts showing up in the various KH tags talking about how Eraqus is the real villain, and dragging him through the mud. Especially posts that claim they aren't Eraqus hate, but they don't like the character and still tag their posts as Eraqus hate.

Eraqus is human, he makes mistakes, he has his imperfections.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone... hey! Put that rock down!

[cloudbattrolls]

Coward Mont Blanc

Maidel Juzuxt | Present Night | Derevnya | Octavian Musical Arts Studios

Everyone calls it OMAS, or Oh, Masterfully Aimed, Shithead if they’re not fond of Treble. Even if they’re on the list of people who won’t kick him out of a room after ten minutes, they might still toss it off, teasing, but with an edge of bile.

It’s one of the reasons you get along with him, despite how different the two of you are. 

“So!” He says, plucking at his suspenders. “What’s got you in such a sulk, Maidel-girl? Or is it boy today.”

You’re in one of the studio’s dance rooms, one that’s empty at the moment since the next class won’t be for hours. Mirrors cover its walls, and overhead glowworm lamps dot the ceiling, giving off light even as they’re in stasis. Treble can feed, wake, and rearrange them at his will if needed for a choreography practice, as well as brighten them with the right formula. 

Right now they’re giving off a low yellowish glow as they sleep, clinging to the gray ceiling. It bathes your face in a sickly cast, or maybe that’s just your mood as you stare into one of the mirrors, clad in a suit that you look absolutely horrible in.

“Boy.” You say, but there’s not much spirit in it. Gender isn’t very important right now; it’s part of your bigger problem, but only in a small way. 

Sometimes you think it’d be easier if you just had no chest to worry about, and certainly sometimes you hate having to leave off your binder or worry about damage, the kind your psi can’t really repair fully. 

Other times you think rumblespheres at least give people something other to look at than your face or stomach. Not that they’re impressive, but at least it’s something. 

“What’s got you so down in the dumps, Maidel-boy? You nervous? Don’t be nervous, my cool cat! This joint will love you.”

That gets a small snort out of you, mostly because of Treble’s ridiculous speaking manner. It’s been perigees and you still don’t believe he can naturally talk that way, no matter how much he swears up and down he was hatched with it.

You turn a little, looking at yourself from another angle in the mirror, your hair pulled back into a ponytail so everyone can see your face. Great. You put a finger to one cheek, but lightly, to not ruin the makeup covering your freckles.

Treble leans in slightly, his eyebrows raised and ears flicking slightly. His aren’t nearly as mobile as yours, but you know what he’s thinking.

“I look better this way.” You say. “A little. Don’t try to tell me freckles are cute again, I’m not buying it.”

Not much you can do about your face in general. Your hair is okay. then there’s your body.

You’ve always been on the heavier side, and maybe that wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t look so stupid on you.

Highbloods being big fits them like a shell on a scuttlebeast. They have the tusks, the intimidation, the big sharp horns to go with it. Their fat doesn’t look like weakness; it only makes them look stronger, heartier, able to dominate.

You’ve been mistaken for blue twice, when you were wearing heavy clothing and goggles against the steam and snow. You were alarmed, then flattered, then a little depressed. 

Treble just clicks his tongue and shakes his head like you’re a silly, mildly disobedient lusus. “Maidel, Maidel, Maidel. Even if you don’t like them, doesn’t mean not a single troll in that joint won’t! You got to be honest about who you are! That’s the only way to make your brand.”

It takes a force of effort to not remind Treble that just because he keeps showing off who he is to the whole world, (despite getting laughed at and kicked out of multiple places) it doesn’t mean you want to go through the same.

That’d be cruel; Treble’s odd, but he’s been kind to you, and it’s hard to hate a troll who isn’t any more good looking than you but so much braver.

Even if sometimes you wish you could. 

“I don’t need a brand.” You mutter. “I just want to sing.”

When you’re finally on the stage, finally manage to forget where you and who you are and what you look like, that makes it all worth it. When you sing, you’re somewhere else, someone else. People have actually clapped for you before, and it wasn’t all just polite applause.

Treble loves to babble about how you could be the next big thing. All you want is to keep feeling that way for the rest of your life, even for little bits at a time. It’s enough.

He pauses, perhaps aware of the usual argument and realizing you don’t want to hear it. He almost chews on his claws, raising two to his mouth but he’s been trying to stop lately and drops them. 

“Maidel.” He says, gentle, which makes the hairs on the back of your neck prick up. “Singing aside, you really want to have this sort of bad juju brewing in you the rest of your natural life, my man?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” You say, trying to be dismissive, but dismissive from you sounds about as believable as a honk from a limeblood and Treble’s face is understandably if irritatingly skeptical. 

“‘Course it matters! You telling me you’re okay just going ‘aw, nuts, I hate how I look’ for all your sweeps? You gotta change yourself, or - ”

“ - change your bulbs, yes.” You sound a bit more testy than you’d like, but he’s told you this about ten times before.

“I tried to diet and exercise for a whole perigee, Treble. Aside from making me miserable, it barely did anything. I lost three pounds. Three pounds in that whole time! I don’t know what’s wrong with my stupid, garbage, messed up - ”

“Whoa! You really want to hate yourself that bad, man?”

You realize you’re breathing hard, eyes wide and - in the mirror - you see a hint of orange in them. 

Groaning, you cover your face with a soft palm, dragging your fingers through your curls.

“Olives are supposed to be lithe and muscular. Or else average looking, since everybody likes to say we’re the most boring caste.” You say, bitter. “Even being average like you would be better. Nobody thinks you’re ugly. They just think you’re normal.”

Maybe that’s rude, but you don’t care right now.

Treble plucks at his tie thoughtfully, but you can see a trace of pain in his eyes that wrenches your digestion sac. You’ll apologize to him later.

“Do people really tell you you’re ugly, Maidel-boy?” He says, curious. 

You snort. In a way, that’d almost be better.

“Hardly ever.” You admit, and he opens his mouth but you wave a finger and press on. “They don’t have to! They don’t even notice me, good or bad, compared to everyone else I know. They’re all pretty. None of them would ever consider a troll like me to be an option in any quadrant.”

You sound pathetic, even to yourself. It’s not like you expect the trolls you know to date you, or that you’d particularly want to date them in the first place. 

It’s how you’ve seen Riccin flirt, seen Pheres flirt, seen them have quadrants. Have people interested in them. Seen them know they’re beautiful, that they can get trolls just by being themselves.

Must be nice.

“So...what brought all this up from its deep dark spot, huh?”

You look at him blankly.

“Usually you’re a little down in the dumps, but not fit to yowl about it.”

You flush slightly. You guess you did raise your voice more than you meant to. 

“I’m sorry.” You say, throat tight. You shouldn’t even be talking to Treble about this. He has a moirail, a teal who works at one of the universities. You have no idea why he takes so much time with you to start with.

Especially if this is how you treat him.

You’d rather dive out the window than answer, but you owe him that much.

“I have an ash crush.” You admit, and it feels like a dirty word, a curse. Maybe it is. You have to be cursed if you’re stupid enough to have feelings for Riccin, who’s practically a clown, and who’s never cared about you.

Maybe it’s some messed up form of self-harm.

Treble looks puzzled, and for good reason.

“So why’re you all torn up about how you look?” 

Ash isn’t about that, is the clear implication. You almost laugh. If only he knew.

“Riccin wants pretty trolls in every quadrant.” You say, staring into the mirror at the disappointing image with a suit on a too-round figure. “Their kismesis and their ex ash are both little, skinny trolls, with pretty faces. And they’re close with Pheres, and he’s the same.”

Then there’s you, who’s as heavy as any two of them, not to mention that they think you’re dull as ditchwater. Even if you wanted to pursue this - if you were so blindingly stupid - how could you prove them wrong? You’d wear yourself out trying.

Not to mention that Vide would probably cull you. She seems like she’s still interested in them, and for all you know they might still be interested in her too. Riccin doesn’t give up easily.

“I think you’re feeling a bit too sorry for yourself, Maidel-boy.”

You glare at him, then sigh. He chuckles.

“So you got a hopeless crush. Happens to us all. Why let it mess your groove up so much, man? If there’s no worth wondering if you can, put your bulbs into what you are good at! Which is: belting out the tunes and making us both a little cash, hm?”

You snort. With Treble it all comes back to money or fame. Given how hard he works for it, you can’t blame him too much. The chances of an olive making it big - or even being an agent for anyone who does - are minimal. Somehow he still tries, still teaches and manages and performs, no matter who mocks him, no matter how many times he gets chased off.

“Okay.” You say. “Let’s go.”

[carmineclock]

Dead Man Blues

Doc Scratch 4:28 PM

Its been an hour or so since your big meeting with the others, hopefully things have cooled down somewhat since then. You'd like to think you kept it quite calm and tasteful, despite your overall annoyance. Most of this time you spent updating your journal. You really have to do something about all these journals, its not safe to keep so many. And yet... With a sigh you set your pen aside. Time to do yet more damage control. You still think theres a chance you can get through to Trace, though perhaps you might be as bad as Clover in taht regard. Hoping is one thing, some men just dont change. Still, you make your way down to the holding cells. Perhaps your chat with Trace just needed a more dire backdrop. A broken arm and a cold concrete room with metal bars could be just what the Doctor ordered. Hoo hoo.

Trace 9:01 PM

Dire backdrop is an understatement. Your arm is long swollen, wrapped carefully in your shirt to give it some stability. You know a bit of first aid, but that is surprisingly difficult when it's your own arm and the only means you got available are what you have on your person. The new wound on your chest is just as aching, red and bloody with a hint of gold. You may have managed to pass out for a few hours, but you could hardly call that sleep, especially with that nightmare. Her body, stabbed and strung up - not Aradia's, but Nepeta's. A message to the one closest to her - Fin, angryy setting fire to your very self. The images linger, even long after you finally come to. And then the nightmare after you wake up - Snowman and how she dragged Fin in for your mutual punishment. How she used your wedding rings to violently erase the tattoo on your chest marking your love and relationships. When Scratch enters, you're wide awake, as much as you loathe it. Your mind still feels foggy and worlds away, definitely not prepared for a talk with him.

Doc Scratch 2:28 AM

You study him as you walk in, taking note of the remnants of Snowmans lesson. As graceful as she is deadly, as always. The gold makes a nice addition in your opinion. You take a chair from the nearby table and move it to in front of the bars in silence. After you moment you sit backwards with your arms resting over the back of the chair sit down normally, like a gentleman. This isnt an interrogation, or a call for confession, its just a conversation. "So, lets have it out, Trace. Whats this Droog business really all about. Dont you realize what youve cost yourself?"

Trace 9:51 AM

It never not feels like an interrogation with Scratch. You look up and watch him as he gets comfortable, then stare off to the side when he speaks. The muscles in your jaw tense, and when you reply, your hoarse and cracking voice clearly shows your exhaustion and pain. "Sir.. Do we really need to do this now? I'm not exactly the best for a talk right now and I'm really not too keen on netting me another scar for mouthing off..." Of course, you're aware he wouldn't have it any other time then when you're broken and at your wit's end.

Doc Scratch 11:27 AM

"If you're worried about your mouth, then I suggest you keep a civil tongue. I'm not concerned, though. Theres a kind of freeing honesty that cement walls and metal bars bring that can be found nowhere else. At this point, I would rather you speak freely, its just us now." Just the two of you. Man to man, or whatever Trace can be considered. Its an interesting thought, his classification may change as his DNA did. You'll have to look into that later. For now, your eyes are solely on him. His broken body, his pain. "Tell me true, Trace. I want to hear it. All of it. I wont punish you for speaking truthfully when asked. Its lies I hate the most."

Trace 3:03 PM

You give him a sour smile. You'll believe it when you see it. "What this is about, you really gotta ask?" Feels like you already talked plenty enough about this, and you doubt you got anything else to say that could placate him. Only plenty of frustration that has built up over everything, and you're way too tired to filter your words. Lets see who of the two of you is going to regret that more. "I.. am sorry that any of this ever reflected back on you, Nepeta or any of the Felt. It should never have been anything but personal. Which, I realize...  there's not really a personal in this outfit, is there?" you begin, actually honestly. "This... it was nothing more than a brawl between two guys heated up on a little too much emotion. But then this bastard.. abducted Nepeta, tortured and abused her, and then me. Cause he was pissed he got decked in the face. And he kept going, provoking us again and again, paralyzing her, seducing another, hurting us, as a whole, again and again. How could you expect me to do just nothing? You've been sending a signal, to them and to us, that they can just pick members of this very house off the street and do with us what they want." You try to sit up properly to face him better, wincing from the pain shooting through your arm again. "How has this not been a war yet for fuck's sake? How come Snowman can take the god damn white queen hostage, but we sit idle when the Crew come to pick us apart bit by bit? How come Snowman can take the god damn white queen hostage, but we sit idle when the Crew come to pick us apart, bit by bit?"

Doc Scratch 6:17 PM

You sit in silence, letting him say what hes going to say. You dont blame him for his views, and if anything, this lashing out may prove beneficial to you. No matter what happens from now on, Droog will have the reminder in the back of his mind. Certainly he wont forget it. Idly, you pull at the edge of your gloves, nodding every so often through his heated speech. Well, hes partially right on certain fronts. It really should have been war by now, whether you wanted it to be or not. The crew have gotten bolder and bolder, could it be your fault? Through inaction, have you allowed the crew more purchase on this slippery slope than you'd intended? "To start off, I'll answer your question. The reason it has not been war yet is because we did not have the numbers to win a war." You let out a silent sigh. "In truth, I'd hoped to collect our full set before provoking the Crew into an all out battle. I dont know how many wars you've seen, Trace, but I've seen enough to know that as much as you and all the others may want to go to war, young men that you are, we are not in a favored position for it. The Crew will always have the love of the common people, they built this city, and those that reside here are their kin. They have the better defenses, and most importantly, they have magic. True magic, the likes of which I cant begin to match." You pause to stand, arms folded behind your back as you pace, speaking more to the open air than to Trace now.

"Snowman is an army in her own right, its folly to compare anything or anyone to her. This little brawl you've had with Diamonds, its beyond reason and a waste of resources besides. If you were provoked into action, then you're a fool, because thats what Diamonds wanted from you. But more than that, you've allowed him to take the higher ground. The city is going to bleed now, I'll see to that, but you've allowed Diamonds to make it personal. And a man on a revenge mission doesnt care for the ruin he causes. I did not take what I've taken of this city for the last fourty years just to see it burned by some self righteous bastard in an Armani tuxedo." Another sigh, louder this time. You rub your temple, pausing in your pacing to look back at him. "Provoking. Abusing. Hurting us. All of us. You're right on that front. What one of us suffers, we all suffer. It was my mistake. I took this for play, the usual violence between men at odds, petty revenge for the sake of sleeping better." “But no, this has gotten well and truly out of hand. And its too late to go back. You’ve signed us up for a a war we were not prepared for, against an enemy whose eyes you’ve spit in, and now you say it should have been sooner. Hmph. Maybe you’re right. I dont hear the heckling of those underneath me, but it would only make sense that you do. So, then, its to be war. Do you have any plans for this war you’ve longed for, Trace? Any soldiers for the army? Connections to supplies and trades? Or did you expect that all you had to do was start it, and that I would finish it?”

Trace 8:05 PM

Well, obviously, you don't have any of these. You didn't plan for a war, let alone prepare for it. This was a selfish and careless act of revenge and he knows that. You're slowly starting to realize that you feel more bewildered about Nepeta's reaction than the prospect of war. This life has already been hell and you're tired of playing along. How little you care about Scratch's achievements and goals. Still, that is not an answer to give your boss and, unfortunately, owner. You close your eyes and think. The least you owe the others is to try  And if you've doomed all of you to die and burn, maybe you can at least rip a big hole into the crew. "..How much longer is he gonna have the favor of the common people if he's burning them? If he lashes out without remose and care, use it against them. With fires burning purple, it's not hard to besmirch their name. You have sucked the people dry under threat of violence and torture if they don't pay up. If you lack manpower, offer then alternatives. The crew is torching Felt warehouses. If it's supplies we lack, take theirs. We may be lacking time to prepare, but so do they. It's not too late to gain the upper hand."

Doc Scratch 1:40 PM

You stand and listen as he rattles off his ideas. Theyre not all without merit, but theyre naive, blunt, though its something you've come to expect. How could he possibly have known what he was getting himself, and the rest of the Felt, into. "Hes not burning them, he's burning us. True, it was careless, but Droog wont stay careless. Hes distraught over his daughters death, but he wont stay that way forever. He has as at least as much of a tactical mind as I do, he was built for war." You run a hand over your head, eyes closed in thought, trying not to imagine plumes of purple smoke eating their way through the Felt manor. Purple and green clash too much, it would be hideous. "I have ways of retaking the people, though its not the dregs of society that I'm worried about. All  I need is a shiny coin and a loaf of bread to win their loyalty back. We need to spread out. We need bases of operation throughout the city, safe places that arent glaring green mansions on a hilltop. If the Crew want war, we have to play their game." Yes, this is sounding more like a plan every passing second. You almost get carried away, before remembering where you are. This is no time to get caught up in nostalgia. "You know, it would be much easier planning if we had our trackers back. You and Fin have skills that will be of paramount importance coming very soon. Yet, I hesitate to bring you into the fold. Why should I trust that you can stay your hand? That your loyalty to this organization will trump your lust for revenge? You've proven the exact opposite is the case. Give me a reason why I shouldn't just let you sit down here and rot until the war is over with."

Trace 7:47 PM

Hey, can't blame you for trying, considering your situation. The night in here didn't exactly allow you to do your homework. Neither does it help with the next question. You look at him, tired as you are, trying to muster up the energy to defend yourself. Can't say you're, heh, dying to prove your loyalty to him, but wasting away down here in this cell doesn't seem like a solution either. "I... can't live without this organization. And neither can those that I care about. I know that my actions didn't exactly show it, but I want to do what I can to help it succeed and keep us all safe where possible." You'd like to assure him that your thirst for revenge is well-quenched - and for now it is. But should anything happen to Nepeta and Fin in this war you've apparently summoned, things could get ugly really fast. You won't tell him that. He's probably well aware. You'd like to not have to come to that though. "You gave the reason yourself. We're good at what we can do, and without us, this is gonna be much harder to deal with. Sure, it's a risk for you, but I'd be the one out there, risking my neck. It's my blood they're after. I'm not expecting your trust. I'm sure if you send me out there again, you'll be keeping a close eye on me, until I'll maybe have proven myself someday. Not sure what else I can give you besides my word, and I don't think that's much worth to you right now."

Doc Scratch 1:35 PM

"Hmm, its true enough." You sit back down, leaning back as you think. If you were a lesser man, you might consider handing him over to the crew and suing for peace. That would only be a short term fix, though, and probably cause more problems than itd solve. Not to mention youre loathe to lose one piece of the set. "In truth, Trace, I dont blame you for your actions. Not fully. Droog brought his suffering upon himself. We're just lucky he was good enough to burn all the  evidence." "At the very least you'll be going back to work soon, though as far away from Fin as possible. Perhaps Crowbar can take up the handle of your keeper. I cant have a mad dog running around doling out a childs version of vigilante justice." "For now, though, youll enjoy these accommodations. Im just having your room prepared."

Trace 1:48 PM

You should probably feel relieved at that response, could have gone much worse, after all. But the feeling of anxiety and dread keeps lingering. "I guess that's only fair." You lean back as well, which sends another pain shooting through your arm. A quiet hiss escapes you. Cursed thing. "Before you leave.. with all due respect, not trying to tell you what to do, but I don't think you'd find having me lose my arm or my life to an infection practical..."

Doc Scratch 1:55 PM

You were aleady on your way out when he makes his request. Now you pause, and turn slightly. "Does it hurt? Good. Its supposed to. Someone will be down soon to tend to it. Think on your mistakes, and how you can do better in the future." With that, you take your leave, closing and locking the door behind you.

[musubiki]

Got any hcs for white? Her starter, her journey, etc? And like. Fws hcs?? 👀👀👀

K HERE WE GO MY SECOND FAVORITE GIRL EVER(this is gonna be long bc. i like them too)

➞

white chose tepig as her starter. this is actually a GREAT match because Gus is really rash and hasty and stubborn fist fighter just like her

white has never lost a battle. that was her goal it was never really to become champion or anything (she didnt care for all the responsibility that came with it) her goal was to be undefeated. which did not bode well for cheren, who wanted to be champion, and lost every battle against her

“well this is discouraging”

she really loves bianca!!! and cheren!!!!! she has the least patience and sense out of the three. cheren has to keep her grounded so she doesnt do weird shit

white is physically the strongest out of the protags. its mysterious. she als o has the best hair 

when she first meets N he is. a creep. im sorry. even i see it like that when you first meet him hes weird. when she first hears the team plasma speech in the first town, shes like boiling already. why would anyone listen to the knights of the round table?! this is weird. she kicks N’s ass first battle.

her problem from here on out and throughout the journey is that. she was the opposite of N. she thought that everyone treated their pokemon nicely and no one could ever hurt a pokemon. she learned she was wrong fairly quickly, and tried to fix and embrace reality instead of N, who tried to change the world all at once.

this is why shes the hero of truth and hes the hero of ideals. 

i dont have a lot of solid hc interactions between them (mostly bc i havent played in a while jfklas i abandoned my boy) but throughout their journey they. actually talk. and argue. and they both equally learn things from each other. and despite him being kinda weird (she thinks) shes actually kinda concerned for him

he makes her think about things she wouldnt otherwise. not just the fate of pokemon but about the future and the whole world. because of him she actually has this moment, where she has all of her current team out. and she realises that she is, like what he says and just makes her pokemon fight. of course and loves and cares for them, and she just. asks them real solemly like. “Do you guys even want to fight? Like do you even like being here?” 

and she already decided that if any of them didn’t want to be there, she would let them go.

luckily, her whole team is full of pokemon just like her and they enjoy the fights, and the adventure, and spending time with her, and shes thrilled. after this she asks pokemon she catches that she wants to keep if they wanna stay with her

i love N a lot ok. whenever N talks to white she always says something that surprises him and makes him look at the world differently. eventually he finds himself actually seeking her out and deliberatly looking for chances to run into her. he gains a lot of respect for her. whenever he talks to her he takes his hat off and nervoulsy kinda. holds it in his hands and shes kinda “?”

when she first finds out hes king. of team plasma. shes pissed. shes ready to TIP TH DAMN CART THING IN THE FERRISHWEEL AND HAVE A FIGHT RIGHT THERE. HES TELLING HER TO CALM DOWN AND SHES LIKE HOW DID YOU EXPECT ME TO REACT??????????????

shes angry bc hes the king of this. horrible orginization. and as far as shes seen all they do is steal and abuse pokemon. the next few times she talks to him he tells her that theyre nothing like that, and that they only look after pokemon

this is actually true. some of the grunts fully believe in the true cause. but most of them follow ghetsis. and N has no idea that his grunts are actually abusing and stealing (i keep thinking about the dreamyard because that scene was what the fuck????a re you doing????)

she begins to realize this. that he has no idea. and that he actually believes in this cause. and as she gets to know him she realises he is. the purest person. and he has no idea. and she feels kinda bad bc she was kinda mean to him before, but hes still plasma so shes confused about how she should treat him because he always treats her and her pokemon pretty nicely. 

N is actually a very nice and gentle soul. he’ll put up a fight for sure, but especially towards white hes the sgtwytwytws weetest thing im sorry i have a soft spot for him. lowkey he wants her approval.

if youve ever seen miraculous ladybug, i imagine N to be kind of like adrien(without the chat side to him) like hes just. nice. and gentle and. cute.

i hc that they have way more interactions than the game gives you

the best thing theyve ever had together was this celebration in Iccirus city (similar to like…the 4th of july kinda thing..) and whites pretty alone. cherena and bianca are off doing Arceus knows what and shes like. alone. and she finds N outside the city with some pokemon. 

so she goes and talks to him. questions why hes out here all alone in like, the cold. shouldnt you be with your family or something? its a holiday. and she caught him off gaurd and he immedatly like stands up and hes kinda happy to see her. he doesnt question why but hes. happy. when shes around. 

he tells her his father never really cared for these kinds of celebrations anyway, and that he usually spends these kinds of days alone. he doesnt think this is a big deal but whites kinda,.. lonely too. so she proposes “Listen, no one should be alone today. And I don’t really have anyone to hang out with either, so what do you say we just, forget about the sworn enemies thing for the night and go have some fun or something” 

and hes. surprised. here she goes again. always saying something new and pleasent and hes. like beaming hes so cutnhejfje so he agrees. 

and this turns into. a pretty great night for them both actually. like they actually get along great when theyre not arguing about the future of unova. they play a lot of booth games and. 

hdj white loses at one of those ball tossing games(she usually loses and then harasses the booth guy with “Booo its rigged” but she just likes to have fun) and N. is determined. he fuckin. calculates wind direction and all this weird shit and gets. a record high score and shes like how the fuck did you do that. he smiles and answers its all in the wrist. 

he gets her some stuffed animal thing. shes like this is the best day ever shes thrilled. they go and get food and like by the end of the night theyre actually. like friends. and she didnt think this would happen but she actually likes hanging out with him. at some point she wins a seashell necklace that she wears for the timeskip outfit

so theyre sitting there at the edge of the festival whatever eating caramel popcorn and ice cream and hot dogs laughing and telling stories about weird people theyve met and crazy things theyve done.

and they talk about his family. and why hes with plasma in the first place. and where her parents are. and why they believe in the things that they say and do. it turns out theyre both orphans. the only difference between them is that hes alone

at some point (i forget how this comes up) he asks white if theyre friends. she pauses for a while because she doesnt know how to answer it. yes, she thinks, when she’s with him like this. when she forgets that hes leading a region-wide organization aiming to seperate people and pokemon. but she settles with a yes, and jokingly adds that if they were destined to be mortal enemies they could hang out more, and he smiles

she spots a pair of plasma grunts, looks like theyre doing some shady things, but her head flashes back to the conversations shes had with N. he doesnt know what his grunts do. so she tells him to stay there and she’ll be back. hes kind of confused and worried, so he follows her from a distance.

she follows the grunts into a cave/grotto/area. yep, here they are abusing some poor purrloins or something, trying to get something that ghetsis claims he needs. she has her stountland right beside her and angrily questions what they think theyre doing. 

when they snarkily and confidently answer that they do whatever they want, she asks why theyre even a part of team plasma at all if theyre gonna treat pokemon like this. she tells them to go join team rocket if theyre looking for business like that. N is outside listening to all of this

they say something like “You think this about money?” and she asks what else and they answer “This is about power. We don’t give a damn about freeing pokemon for justice! When all the pokemon are gone plasma will reign supreme!!” 

she clutches her pokeball. shes pissed. not just because, these fuckers got issues, but because they are deliberatly. disobeying N, and everything he stands for. so she tells them to get out of there before they end up regretting it. they laugh and tell her they dont even listen to their own King, why would they listen to her.

(white is a huge badass by the way. shes the more hardcore and probably coolest protag)

then N steps in and they. fall silent. and they are terrified. the stutter and stammer about how it was all a misunderstanding, and it wasnt their fault, and they didnt mean it, and every excuse they could come up with but N. is kind of like leaf in this sense because he is. angry. but his anger comes off cold and heartless and man he is cool.

so they, because they know theyre screwed already, decide that they wont take this shit anymore and challenge them to a fight. figure if they manage to beat N, maybe they could rule plasma instead. (this is my excuse to get N and White to double battle) and they rock. theyre the perfect tag team. truely the two sides of the same coin

when theyre defeated. N forces them to release their pokemon and they run away, never to show their faces to plasma again. They stand there in silence for a while, and N asks “Why did you tell me not to stay there?”

shes quiet for a while before answering “Because…you believe in what you do” and “I didn’t want you to see the worst of what was going on.” 

he thanks her for her concern, and tells her not to think like that, because now he finally sees what shes been trying to tell him about plasma, and maybe he can do something about it now that he knows. ignorance is never bliss, he adds, and she knows hes right. she just didnt want him to be hurt, she thinks

she asks what hes going to do, and he answers he’d try to weed out whatever corruption was in plasma. he hopes what the grunts say wasnt true, and that this was just a small mutiny, not rooting from the very top.

FYI SHES NOT SUPPORTING PLASMA at this point she still hates plasmas ass for doing what they do, but shes seen now the way some trainers treat their pokemon (in and out of plasma) and she thinks that if this cause was done right, it would help the world a lot

unfortunaly N is a fool lol and wants to liberate ALLLL THE DAMN POKEMON. 

ofc after this. ghetsis goes and. poisons his mind again with how shes a fool and shes trying to manipulate you and why would you doubt your own father. and right after this N. becomes the hero of ideals and they become worse enemies than theyve ever been. she becomes the hero of truth and he smiles because suddenly. everything makes sense. why hes always so happy to be around her. why it feels like she completes him despite all their differences and he. loves her he just doesnt know it 

and she knows for a fact that ghetsis is behind all of this but because N is the king, she has to go through him first. 

and she really cares for N. she actually ends up realising after he leaves that yeah, she pretty much loved him. and she hates his ass for leaving. so she goes to chase him down because cheesy as it is, these two are literally soulmates. they both acknowledge that meeting and growing with the other has made them better and stronger people and white refuses to let that go.

(i love their story and dynamic)

i dont have a set reuniting scene for them yet, the only one i have is.,.,. a part of that other story im lowkey working on..,.,. but she slaps him thats for sure LOL. hes like a puppy hes so happy to see her again hes like “White!!” and shes. PISSED. she has tears in her eyes and CATCH THESE HANDS. leaf and green are probably there and theyre like WHOA WHAT

green actually relates to white bc of this bc yeah, i waited for like 3 years for the love of my life too

[kinkyacademia]

Mod Pasta!! I'm so glad your ask is open, I love your villian writings 💕 Could you do a scenario (or headcannons if you'd like), how a person w/ a crush on Shigaraki gets him to date her (and maybe a lil bit of their first time too? *wink wonk*)

This, well, this is going to be fun. Starting with headcanons always seems to be the best way to slip me into scenarios. THANK YOU SO MUCH THOUGH-

-Mod Pastatata🍜🍝

🤞Shimura Tenko, commonly known as Shigaraki Tomura, is the king of being oblivious. All for One knows this all too well, and laments for your situation; he knows it all too well. He first introduced you to Tomura because he thought the boy needed some company, and you were a business partner’s rambunctious, open daughter with a powerful quirk that his son apprentice could exploit later.

🤚What neither All for One, your villainous mother, or Shigaraki know is that you fell desperately in love with the hand fetish man. You knew how to handle most guys who have a crush on you, and sure you’ve had a few crushes on the occasional person. They’ve never been so hopelessly oblivious though!

🖐You’ve hugged him with your breasts pressed to him; he just carefully hugged you back. You’ve kissed his cheek, you’ve “accidentally” sat on his lap, you’ve even held his pinky to pull him to a store. He just ignored every single sign of your affection, content with being friends and seemingly nothing more.

✋So, you had to step it up and bring the big guns. You set aside your dignity and agreed to your mother’s tries to buy you fashionable clothing; but, there was a twist she didn’t know when handing you her card: The clothing was ever so revealing, like crop tops, short shorts, ripped leggings and off the shoulder sweaters that seemed just a touch too low. You threw some keyholes in, a few dazzling shoes, and your personal favourite: a light blue crop top that only had one long sleeve, not even a short sleeve on the other side; it was sexy, and you loved it. Once you bought the clothing, you headed back and got ready to go over to the League once more.Not after your mom pestered you to see the clothes though.

🤚 When you slipped into the room, a devious smile alit your lips; he’s never even seen your stomach before, much less your clean-shaven legs and your entire arm and shoulder. Kurogiri stared for a few seconds behind the counter before slowly looking away.

“That’s new, but I should have expected it,” He claimed thoughtfully, then complimented you. You giggled bashfully, then heard a struggled sound of breathing when you turned to see Tomura in the doorway. Your childish crush looked like he had got up he likely had, and his cheeks were a deep purple.

“Oh, hey Tomura,” You waved casually, trying to act normal. Your heart was racing; not because of how exposed you felt, but because Tomura did seem to notice you; all of you. You actually liked the clothing; it wasn’t too bad, and it made you feel very flirtatious. He was now covering his mouth in surprise.

“Should I leave you two-? Yes, Shigaraki Tomura,” Kurogiri quickly left when Tomura gave him a short nod. He approached you, undressing you with his dangerous eyes. This man was a killer, after all, and it looked like you just poked his sleeping bear.

“(F/N),” His voice was lower than usual. You nodded, laughing breathily.

“Yeah, Tomura-?”

“This isn’t you. Take it off,” he demanded, and you felt your heart sink. Frowning, you knew that he wasn’t noticing you; he was just being a good friend and telling you to be more like you used to be. You sighed, nodding and getting up.

“Sorry, I’ll go change,” You tried to scoot past him, but he remained in front of you. Your eyebrows furrowed as you pushed lightly on his chest, realizing how much taller he was standing right now than his usual slumped self, “Tomura, move.”

“Take. It. Off.” He emphasized each word, causing your eyes to widen, “Right now, or I’ll disintegrate it myself,” You yelped, quickly taking the top off and blushing deeply in absolute embarrassment. You hadn’t expected things to move this quickly!!

“What if someone walks in?” You squealed as he continued to glare down at you, causing you to have to remove your shorts and underwear, then your heels, leaving you in absolutely nothing with a cold draft between your legs.

“Get under my hood. We’re going to my room,” He simply stated, his cheeks still tinted purple. You hesitantly lifted his hoodie to see a white shirt under it, and he waited a few seconds before starting to lose his patience, “Now, (F/N).” You quickly slithered under, and you felt his soft blue hair on your face as you realized how much bigger in general he was compared to you. You went to cover your lower region, but felt one of his hands (minus pinkie) cover you. All blood rushed to your head at the contact, causing you to yelp.

The waddle back to his room was awkward, but the conversation and activities afterwards were so worth it.