#a fact that doesnt change that i still try my best to get better

[tortademaracuya]

I have spent more years of my life feeling how I feel than not. I don't think it's ever really going away, that's just part of how I am as a person at this point, and yet I wish I knew how it felt not to at least for a few months.

[insomniaticvoids]

I honestly am thinking on this again as someone with a major speech impediment but wow people are assholes over not being able to pronounce names. Especially European words or names.

TLDR: don't be an ass to people with speech impediments they are trying don't be an asshole to someone trying.

I personally cannot speak most sounds that require harsh rolling or accented notes. Physically cannot. So learning new words or yet alone speaking them is a geniunly painful thing cause everyone else seems to be able to do those things sort of thing.

I actually love katakanization of names and the sort for that reason since it gives me a spring board to try and pronounce it in English. (Also I can in fact speak Japanese a bit smoother than English due to my speech issues)

But it does baffle me the amount of mockery and rudeness people have over me not being able to pronounce the name of something right. Literally the most damning thing besides me having seizures from a piece of media is if people are rude about me trying to talk about it. If I'm passionate about it I don't care but if I'm engaging with someone else and I say something and your response is to derail the full conversation to mock my issue of saying something I'm not going to want to discuss it again.

Like sorry I can't say Mc white boys blorbos name I can't even roll my letters yet alone say a good chunk without lisping the full word or 15 pause breaks for the word.

[cy-cyborg]

I'm getting a little tierd of the idea because amputees get more representation in media, it means rep for our disability is better and we "have enough"

People are right, we do have way more rep than really any other disability, im not going to deny that, and ive joked before about how often people write amputees without even realising it. So you would think, by sheer numbers, we should have at least some good representation, but by-and-large that is not the case. Legitimatly, the closest example I can think of to point to of good amputee rep is Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood and even that uses multiple tropes I hate (the miracle cure/quest for the miracle cure, the almost perfect prosthetic replacement/forgetting the chatacter is an amputee until it breaks or needs repairs, refusal to call prosthetics, "prosthetics" (automail), the amputee who can't do anything without a prosthetic) and they call Ed a slur for another disability (m*dget) CONSTANTLY. I love fmab deeply, it legitimatly helped me feel seen and represented as a childhood amputee in a way no other show has even come close to, and when it gets it right, it gets it really right, but it's also very far from great and should not be the best example I can think of. Especially nearly 15 years after it released...

A big part of the reason why I don't read many books anymore is because of the sheer amount of books with downright offensively bad amputee rep, some of which were touted as good by people with other disabilities and were recommended to me as good examples. others times, I wasn't even looking for books with amputee/disability rep, it just popped up. It has ruined one of my childhood hobbies for me. Ive tried to get back into reading again as an adult but it hasn't gotten better in that time i was away. I was kicked out of 3 different scifi writing groups on facebook and reddit for asking people to remember "cybernetic enhancement" users are amputees - a real group of people, and maybe debating weather or not we're less human isnt great, and for pointing out seeing those discussions every day was making me feel pretty unwelcome in that space (yes i know, "real" cyberpunk isnt trying to say that, i had to turn notifications off on my post about the topic, it doesnt change the fact that newer creators in the genre dont seem to get that bit, that ive seen cyberpunk writers in these spaces say that debating weather people who loose more parts of their body were less human was, in fact, their intent but they hadnt even considered the fact this made their chatacters amputees, it doesnt change the fact that these tropes, intentionally or not, help make those spaces hostile for disabled fans/creators, especially amputees).

But yeah, I should be thankful I get more rep than other disabilities, no matter the quality, right?

It doesn't just stop at being me being made uncomfortable, though. The sheer, overwhelming amount of amputee chatacters with "perfect prosthetics" has had a noticeable impact on how we are perceived irl. In my lifetime, the general idea people have about multi-limbed amputees in particular has gone from "literally the worst thing that can happen to a person and the worst disability to have" to "is it even a disability? The prosthetic fixes it". These are both wildly untrue and harmful ideas about my disability that were both perpetuated by media, but now that the second one is taking root, it's causing real problems. I have not been shy in talking about how I have to fight to maintain my NDIS funding every time I get something done with my prosthetics, and had to get my prosthetist to sign off, twice, that my fancy prosthetic knee that costs the same as a higher-end new car ($125,000 AUD) is not, in fact a cure and I still need help with other things. It took me nearly 2 years to get a new wheelchair because they didn't understand why I needed it if I had the prosthetics - which to be honest, is not comfortable for me to wear, let alone use all day every day. Guys this isn't just assholes on the street or on twitter saying dumb shit, it's the people in the government body who decide how much funding I get to help with my disability who beleive it. People who have very real control over my life. It's not entirely the media's fault, but when the sheer, overwhelming majority of representation for people like me confirms that belief, it's hard to ignore the possibility that these portrayals are contributing to it, you know?

Which makes it so frustrating when I come on here and see other disability writing advice blogs saying to not write amputees because they have so much representation already. We do, I can acknowledge that, but the vast, vast majority of it is shit, and no one, not even other disabled people, are listening to us about it. And what makes it even worse, is the people they're advising to not writing amputees are the creators who care enough to be doing the research. They're the ones willing to listen, to ask questions. They could be the start of the positive change. But instead they're advised to not even bother with us.

And don't get me wrong, other disabilities ARE under-represented. There are so many disabilities, including some I have myself, that I've never seen represented as anything other than the butt of a joke. There does need to be more reprentation of disabilities other than amputation and limb differences. 100%! but can you please talk about that without saying "amputees have enough"

This isn't even touching on how amputees/people with limb differences who dont/cant use prosthetics, or even folks who use prosthetics sometimes but not others, are almost never represented unless it's for pitty-porn, or how the non-fictional media's (news outlets, etc) portrayal of amputees in particular is used to justify hurting very real, very vunderable people but this rant is long enough and honestly, ive got enough thoughts to make whole other posts on those subjects. That second one in particular deserves its own (more thought-out) spotlight and shouldn't be a footnote in a frustrated rant post lol.

[verboselocket38]

tw: a//bu//se

Before I get into this I just want to say that although I am a critic of HH/HB, I still like the show either way. This post is not meant to attack anyone, its just to give my thoughts.

So there has been something about Stolitz I have been thinking about recently and I just think that even IF Stolas is sorry for what he did to Blitzø, its best for the two to just move on. I mean imo if you were to get back together with your abusive ex after they apologized for the horrible stuff they did (whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or in this case coersion) then what is stopping them from doing it again? Even if they DO stop hurting you, it doesnt change the fact that they hurt you. Just because the abuser claims something like "Hey, whatever horrible things I might say and do to you, I still love you no matter what" is a BIG red flag. Stolas is an abuser. Blitzø is a victim. People say that its Blitzø's fault he does not feel the same way Stolas does. Even if their relationship was healthy, you can't force someone to fall in love. Even IF Blitzø felt the same way as Stolas those moments are few and far between. And just because you have a crush on someone that doesnt necessarily mean that you should be in a relationship with them, ESPECIALLY in this context. Just because Stolas was sexually repressed does not excuse the fact he forced Blitzø into sexual coersion. Just because he had a mean wife it does not excuse him for his actions. The show puts Stolas in a light where he didnt do anything wrong, and made him and his relationship with Blitzø a predictable cliche love plot. I always WANTED to like this ship, I really do... But when I see people trying to romantacise something toxic, it makes me worry if this is how they will treat REAL people. Because, lets be real most Vivziepop stans are 13 year olds who think saying the f-bomb in every sentece is peak writing.

To Stolitz shippers: Just because someone doesnt like Stolitz, does not make them homophobic. I dont like Stolitz because it romanacizes a toxic relationship. Yes the show is fictional, but fiction has bleed into reality before.

I think this is the best video that hits the nail on the head. I am not trying to demonize people who like this ship. I HATE HARASSMENT.

To Critics/Haters: PLEASE DO NOT HARASS PEOPLE WHO LIKE THIS SHIP. While I find myself uncomfortable shipping relationships that are toxic, its imature to harass people over it. It does not make you a better person. Not all Stolitz shippers are horrible people, there are both horrible people in the Fandom and Hatedom. We already have many people in the community who left the community from both sides. So please be more open minded about this.

Thats all

[stevie-petey]

hiiiiiiiii honey <3 could we get a blurb about bug telling steve about jonathan’s outburst towards her after he took the pictures of nancy and steve’s reaction to learning about it???? it would be so so appreciated by me <3 you’re the best ever <3 MWAH

(i am being held against my will to write this jonathan sweetie im so sorry) (i love u val) (u are evil)

i know this isnt necessarily what u MEANT but ,,, ive been dying to expand upon bugs kindness and how it may seem annoying and pathetic, but its hers ! its her kindness !!!

enjoy <3

"no way you guys havent wanted to strangle each other at least once." steve remarks one day as he watches you and jonathan work side by side at the cash register.

jonathan had been bored today and decided to join you and steve at work, something that you're very happy about, honestly.

"oh, ive definitely wanted to strangle jonathan," you say, writing down a new shipment receipt while the boy next to you doodles.

steve rolls his eyes. "old married couple squabbling doesnt count. im talking, like, full on betrayal and hurt here. you guys are always so... you, and it has to be an act."

jonathan snorts. "shouldve seen the fights we had last year. surprised y/n didnt kill me with her bare hands."

"i dont believe you."

"no, hes right." you look up at steve. "he threw a jacket at my face last year and then told me we werent family the night he took those pictures of nancy. then cried in my arms like a day later."

steve stares at you, shocked.

"i also then slept in nancys bed and lied about it. and tried leaving you behind a few times."

"that you did," you flick jonathans ear, causing him to wince in pain. "you deserved that."

"i did."

during this entire exchange, steve hasnt said a single word. hes still stunned, baffled by the fact that jonathan could be so cruel to someone so wonderful.

"wait a second," he looks between you and jonathan. "and youre still friends?"

"yeah." you both say at the same time.

steve cant fucking believe it. you do anything and everything for jonathan, that much is obvious, and sure. steve has seen jonathan do small acts of kindness towards you, devote the same back, but to throw a jacket at you and belittle you? and now here he is, joking about it alongside you. as if it was all okay in the end.

"youre too nice sometimes, y/n." the words leave steves lips before he can stop them. once he realizes what hes said, he looks up at jonathan and panics. "sorry, man. im sure you guys talked it out and... yeah."

jonathan shrugs. "no, youre right. she is and i was dick."

"im right here, you know."

steve winces. "sorry."

"its fine, honestly." you go back to scribbling shipment orders. "i am indeed too nice, but i dont ever really see the point in holding a grudge? i mean, jonathan apologized and i understood the stress he was under. sure, it didnt erase all the hurt he caused, but after almost dying immediately after being mad at him for not including me in something... i dont know. it felt silly to hold onto that anger after. childish, even."

jonathan and steve share a look, for once both seeming to think the same thing.

shes too good.

you hate that they do this. you hate that people view your kindness as a weakness. after the hell youve been through, long before monsters even came to hawkins, youve learned the hard way just how rare kindness is.

now you try to be kind to everything and everyone, no matter what it may cost you.

the kindness is yours, no one elses.

and if that makes you weak, then at least it made you better.

you tear two pieces paper from your notebook, scrunch them up into balls, and then throw them at steve and jonathan. "stop pitying me. im kind and i love that aspect of myself. i dont care if it makes me vulnerable or pathetic. its a piece of me, and i wouldnt change it. if you dont like it, then that belittles me even more than emotional outbursts ever could."

jonathan sighs. "youre right, bug. youre a very kind and lovely person and its what makes you a joy to be around, paper balls and all."

steve plays along. "definitely a better super power than spider-man, dare i say."

"okay, lets not get ahead of ourselves now," you giggle, appreciative of both the boys. they may not understand or like the way you view the world, but theyre at least trying.

its all you could ask for.

even if steve later on that day pulls you aside to whisper, "i think i can kick jonathans ass this time, if you ever need it."

and its enough.

[onthegreatsea]

i needed to test a joycon and had left totk in my switch so i sat down and was just casually playing it and like.. fuck man. its such a frustrating game. why is everything so cumbersome?

it uses every button on the controller constantly and its still not enough! its so poorly designed. i honestly cant believe this was the best design they could come up with why the fuck cant you just fuse things in the menu? why do i have to select the item in the menu, drop it, exit the menu and then press two more buttons to fuse it? assuming i am not accidentally too close to another item that is also fuseable and then have to run around to get it to auto select the thing i want? (god forbid the physics make it roll down a hill)

like im in the middle of a fight and want a special arrow and what do i have to do? spend the next minute in a menu scrolling through items while the game is paused.

weapons break so fast and it STILL doesnt auto equip another one so you have to manually do it yourself. and now you also have to fuse the weapon first? because adding more steps to their tedious durability system definitely makes it more fun.

oops your bow broke in the middle of a fight better force you to pause the game and take all the tension out of it so you can scroll through 20 of them trying to find the right one. pausing is fun right?

what a dynamic battle system

and of course i was forced to deal with the fucking stamina system again

im not opposed to stamina systems but link starts off with such a pathetic amount. barely any stamina in a huge world where everything depletes it and your top speed feels like a snail. how did they not fix this?

and yes you can spend hours slowly getting items to upgrade your stamina but like.. i've already done this in botw. it was a chore then why would i wanna do it again? and you need four of the goddamn things to improve your stamina *slightly*, it requires you to sacrifice improving your health, it takes forever and requires a huge amount of commitment just to get to a point where its not a constant annoyance. the stamina pieces dont feel like rewards that improve you; instead it feels like they're punishing you for not having enough of them to start with

seriously tho its ridiculous how much time you have to spend stuck in menus with this game

you still cant just select ingredients in a menu and combine them there; you have to back out, put them in a pot (that you had to light yourself) and hope you dont hit the stick and drop the ingredients on the floor. and why the fuck cant it save my recipes and just let me make multiple dishes in one go? hey why the fuck cant link just auto eat food when i lose health? why do you want me to spend so much time in your cumbersome menu system selecting shit instead of outside it doing the fun stuff?

why do i have to spam a button to pick things up? why cant link just auto pick things up that dont take up inventory space?

why cant i just auto change an entire outfit instead of selecting each bit manually? why cant i save specific outfit combos?

in fact why are so many useful abilities assigned to specific outfits so i am forced to keep entering the goddamn menu to change every time i want to have the highest climbing speed instead of have highest attack? and why does every outfit only have ONE ability?

the complete set bonuses just make this worse. if they didnt exist you'd have less reason to constantly be changing shit because you could mix and match the best abilities into one outfit. like every other RPG in existance already figured out decades ago.

how did they not realise how annoying all this menu shit is in over ELEVEN YEARS of development? how is this the best interface they could come up with?? in ELEVEN YEARS?? its fucking baffling

seriously, every time i think i can get some enjoyment out of it i collide head first into the constant tedium of its poorly designed interface and wonder how the fuck this got a metacritic of 96

[t4transsexual]

why do you identify with "lesbian" if you say you're a man. A man can't be a lesbian, i don't understand it.

The whole lesbian concept excludes men bc it has nothing to do with men. Lesbian is women loving women, and if you identify as a man, i don't understand how you can identify w the lesbian community as well.

like this isba genuine question, I'd like to listen to your explanation bc im genuinely confused!

trans men, and any trans person really, cannot exist on the same binary cisgender people exist on. the binary was not made with trans people in mind, to be trans and to change your sex (which isnt limited to bottom surgery btw), would be inherently nonbinary, simply because the binary does not accommodate for trans people

beyond that, trans men dont have the same rights privileges and power that a cis man would have. meaning that while a trans man IS a man, he is not a cis man, and thus cannot experience male privilege, or the systemic power that comes with being a cis man

so we can conclude from that two things. one, trans people are inherently nonbinary. while not every trans person identified as nonbinary, the act of transitioning, socially and medically, is an inherently nonbinary act. i personally choose to identify as nonbinary to deal with the distress of people forcing me into the cis man category when i am fundementally different from them. now that we have concluded that the act of transitioning is nonbinary, let me address that: trans men have always been included in lesbianism. the communities are not seperate. the historical definition of lesbian has included gender diverse people as well as women, and trans men are still gender diverse

beyond that; a trans man identifying as a lesbian is not the same as a cis man identifying as a lesbian. the ideas that trans men are men and that trans men are NOT cis men can both be true. trans men who are attracted to women have more societally in common with lesbians (especially genderqueer lesbians) than cishet men. yes, trans men identify as straight all the time. however, if a trans man wants to identify as a lesbian, who are we to deny him? he isnt a cis man, hes not a threat to lesbianism or to the queer community.

faq:

"wouldnt identifying as a lesbian and a trans man be invalidating?"

a: different trans men have different opinions for themselves and their gender. some trans men choose to identify as straight/heterosexual, some trans men choose to identify as lesbians. it just depends on the person, however, if a trans man truly felt invalidated by the lesbian label, he just wouldn't use it. you dont get to assign rules on how a trans man chooses to identify, and you don't know him better than he knows himself

"what IS a lesbian then?"

a: the historical defintion of a lesbian is any gender diverse individual who likes women and/or gender diverse people. however, every lesbian can tell you something different. i know lesbians who only date binary women. i know lesbians who are exclusively t4t. i know lesbians who are femme4butch and date trans men who are butches. someones personal definition of their own lesbianism doesnt invalidate yours, and vice versa

"whats next, a CIS man identifying as a lesbian to cause trouble?"

a: and what if the world was made of pudding? trans men are not cis men, and to believe such is wishful thinking at best, and ultimately distressing to trans people. beyond that, i raise a counterargument of, what if we let trans people use the bathroom of their preferred gender? what would happen if a cis person used the opposite genders bathroom to cause trouble? the fact of the matter is, punishing trans people who are trying to live for the hypothetical cis person doing something wrong is transphobic and also stupid

"evan, i dont WANT to date a male lesbian/lesbian on t! what does this mean for my lesbianism?"

a: absolutely nothing! date who you want! you actually dont have to be attracted to every single person who is a lesbian! i know im not! youre allowed your preferences. i do know for a fact that some lesbians, especially under the trans/genderqueer umbrella are really into trans male lesbians and lesbians on t, but that does NOT mean that you have to be! once again, nobody elses personal definition of lesbianism can invalidate YOUR personal definition of lesbianism. im ALL ABOUT doing what you want!

[zhonglicious]

my take on the itoshi brothers

the itoshi brothers’ relationship is so complex and it makes me want to throw myself off a building so hard. spoilers to anime onlys, and spoilers for the u-20 arc onwards. if u dont wanna see then just scroll <//3 so anyways as i was saying, the itoshis

this is half analysis, half theory, part screaming, so like if u have anything u disagree w me on or anything u wanna add then please do

so obviously from the very start we can see how warped their relationship’s gotten ever since sae went to spain. rin focuses all his attention and efforts into getting better so he can crush sae, while sae doesnt even acknowledge his existence. 

at first, i only saw rin’s side in this. i admit, up until i reread the manga and their backstory, i was thinking ab the situation solely from rin’s perspective and ended up neglecting some details. most especially sae’s reaction to the fallout, as well as some other minor details.

we can see from the suitcase than sae had just landed, and that his first instinct was to go to rin. his first priority was to go see his baby brother, with the intention of telling him about his decision regarding his soccer career. he obviously still cares about rin here, and we can see that as he didn’t “completely” abandon their dream. 

for sae, his view on their dream shifted. after seeing how big the skill gap is between him and the world, he decided that he can’t be the best with rin as he is. especially as rin hasn’t had the opportunity to see how it actually is outside of japan. i think he shifted his view so that they can still be the best, just with him lifting up rin rather than being by his side. much like how reo shifted his view into becoming a midfielder so he can make nagi shine even brighter 

sae changed his resolve to become a midfielder, while he “entrusts” the original dream to rin. In his eyes, it’s still their dream, as he’ll still be the best with rin, just not as strikers. however, i don’t think he counted that rin would be completely attached to their original dream. well, either that or he was desperately hoping that rin would understand where he’s coming from

to be completely honest i think it's the latter. as rin expressed his discontentment with sae’s new resolve, we see in his eyes that he’s frustrated. and then it all comes boiling over when rin yells “you’re not the same brother i shared a dream with”

we can obviously see the hurt in his eyes before his face is masked by shadow. i think that deep down he already knew that rin wouldn’t accept his “new dream” but was still hoping he would. rin saying this was just the confirmation that he would, in fact, not accept it

again this post is half analysis half theory. personally i think that the brothers, in their own way, were trying to defend their relationship. rin wanted to keep the previous them, the them that were together in their dream always. sae wanted to preserve his relationship with rin somehow, seeing as how much he changed after his time in spain

sae, in his own way, is still trying to protect rin. at first, his original plan was to make rin the best striker by becoming the best midfielder. that way, rin isn’t alone when he finally faces the world. however, as rin didn’t want to give up on their dream, then sae decided that the best course of action was to destroy that dream so that rin wouldn’t get hurt any further

in my eyes this is the moment sae steels his resolve to shatter that dream. he then faces away from rin so his resolve doesn’t shatter, knowing that seeing his brother’s face in anguish will weaken that resolve

the fallout hurt both of them, but that hurt spiraled into two different responses. sae becomes completely aloof to rin, while rin begins to harbor a boiling “hate” towards sae. 

after the u-20 game, we immediately see that rin’s “hate” for sae is in fact not hate. his first instinct is to call sae “nii-chan” a deeply affectionate title that hasn’t been said since that night. however, sae crushes rin’s spirit by saying that isagi is the one that has the potential to change japan’s soccer

now here i think sae, in his own, messed up way, is trying to motivate rin into becoming the best in the world. the worst part i think is that it works, as this is one of the critical moments that causes rin’s way of thinking to change, with the other one being the fallout. here, crushing sae is no longer his “first and foremost” priority, and he’s instead setting his sights on becoming the best, without anyone or anything holding him back

i’m not very good at articulating my thoughts and there ARE some things i wanted to put here, but i couldn’t explain them in a way that’s coherent to anyone other than me. but the final thought im getting away with here is that ultimately, the brothers still haven’t given up on their dream, whether they’re aware of it or not. by inadvertently giving rin motivation to become the best, sae is still giving rin a chance to catch up to him. in the same vein, rin’s desire to catch up to and surpass sae is his desire to prove his worth to sae again

once again these are just my personal views on the relationship. i could be wrong, i could be right, i could be partially wrong or i couldve missed the point completely. either way i just needed to get that out of my brain. so if u have anything to contradict me with or anything to add, please feel free to do so! i love hearing ab other people’s thoughts anyways <33

[ganondoodle]

feeling much better now having gotten some sleep (the dont trust how you feel about yourself past 9pm is good advice no joke)

of course all my criticism of totk still applies but im feeling less depressed about it, tho i will say its honestly kinda baffling how many times the game actually got me interested and excited about stuff and then just kinda drops it in a dead end, of course they were those kind of things in botw as well but it seems much less .. balanced in totk

(not even just the big things like making me want to actively do something to help zelda turn back when it just gets solved on its own in the end, but also some lil things like the fact that so many NPCs tell you about that newly discovered animal species and when you find the dongos they are just gem vending maschines)

in the end i can say, no, i dont like totk, tho i still love the graphics and the way the world is made ( botw showed me jsut how immersive and alive a world can feel i love it to death), i liked the gameplay and that it kept the freedom botw had established, the bossfights are mostly fun (tho i wish you could refight more of them), i LOVE the yiga and im glad they got more of a spotlight, the music is FANTASTIC i keep catching myself humming along, alot of the sidequests are much bigger and feel like you are actually doing something, i like how the sages are a bit more integrated into the story, the majority of the new designs are great, both the japanese and german voice acting is great, and the end fight has some of the best build up i have ever experienced, my heart starts to race when that music build up starts even tho i have beaten it 3 times already-

however, the story is both simple and incredible flat with lots of stuff that doesnt make sense especially when it was said to be a sequel, the zonau should have stayed a mystery imo, they failed to make me care about them even a little bit and often felt forcefully crammed into the world and its history, i think you could have told an incredible story taking place in the present and leave the past be the past, you easily could have connected botw and totk in a much better way than they did, i dont like how it changes aspects about botw all the while nigh ignoring it ever happened, it still feels like it was trying to be a replacement and not a sequel and all the referencing and callbacks to the old titles may have been done in good faith but that and including time travel yet again ultimately lead to people ripping each other to shreds over trying to prove its placed in the old timeline despite it making no sense at all and confusing people even more; often when the game made me care or be excited about something it was dropped in a dead end, there was a ton of missed opportunities and lost potential to tell a much more nuanced and interesting story/lore, and thinking about it only makes me sad for the things that could have been

overall i think my disappointment is outweighing my fun and the only way i can keep playing it while having fun is ignoring everything that isnt, which works quite well most of the time since im pretty much done with all story stuff but i keep slipping into my little rants nonetheless; i will say its making me a little worried about the future of the franchise, but i know im in the minority and maybe i will just have to accept that the new stuff wont be for me anymore and i should not hope for anything that interests me xD

except for some meme material or specific characters i love i dont think i will make much use of anything totk tried to establish, and i hope thats fine with the lot of you (<3) hopefully that also means my ranting days are over xD

anyway, back to making niche art i go! (sorry for making you endure these long ass rambling posts :,) )

[finchesslingshott]

here's my finch lore,,, if you even care,,,,

Adrian Alexander “Finch” Cortez — Main Lore:

Father ran off when he was five. He was a drunk who cheated on & abused his wife & son

Mother got pregnant again when Finch was nine and had a miscarriage, losing the baby. It was going to be a girl named Lucy :( Finch still has an emotional attachment to the name

Finch’s mother got tuberculosis about three months after losing the baby and fought it until Finch was eleven, passing away and leaving no will behind 

Finch was sent to the Refuge but ran off only after six weeks of being there, to be found by one of the older Newsies (either Jack, Crutchie or Race, he can’t remember now). He became one of them and has been there ever since.

The eating disorder started when he was about twelve, when he noticed a bunch of the littles not selling enough to get food. He started offering bits and pieces to some of the younger kids, eventually giving up every meal to help them out, saying that they had to eat better than he did to grow up good and they were “more important”.

Jack found out when he was around 13 and forced him to stop, helping him as best as he could to recover. Finch was doing good for a while, but relapsed into it around the time of the strike (he was 14 ½). He got progressively worse from that point on. 

Buttons was the next person to find out, right after they started dating and since then, he’s been on the road to recovery.

Other Important Details:

Has frequent nightmares of the Refuge, his father’s abuse, and his dying mother. Doesn’t wake up screaming, but will start sobbing in his sleep, eventually woken up + comforted by Buttons

He can’t handle loud noises (flinches), arguments (reminds him of his parents), and the Delanceys (remind him of the Refuge days; also they beat him pretty bad during the strike). 

He has dysgraphia/dyslexia (I forget the correct term; long story short, bro can’t read), and often has to get another Newsie (usually Mush, who’s super smart) to help him out)

Always rubs at his ribs and doesnt realise he does it, sort of trying to make sure he can still feel the bones and make sure he’s still “thin enough”, even though he never thinks he will be

Has a crippling fear of change

Has ADHD & generalized anxiety disorder

His prized possession is a book about all the different kinds of finches, and it's the only book he's ever managed to read (with the help of his mother and Buttons) and he's memorized every single bird name and fun facts about them

Modern AU: After Finch and Buttons get married, they adopt a baby girl and name her Lucy :’)

Modern AU: Whenever Finch has a depressive episode or just a bad day, he has a specific "rotting hoodie" (this really oversized brown zip-up) that he literally does not take off; that’s how you can tell he ain’t doin’ so well

[speak-to-roger]

“Hello? Hello, hello?”

howdy! this is my second attempt at an intro post for this blog! by me, i mean the blog owner/mod! my main acc is @themostsanebug but you may refer to me as the fly! several things have changed on this blog that i would like to inform everyone of!

✎ᝰ.

Are asks open?

yes they are!

Is RogerSport still canon?

simple answer is no! due to the person who used to roleplay jack going inactive for a long while and only just now returning, i feel its better if ANYTHING that happened rogersport wise (this includes the mpreg arc, meanin the kid is no longer real) was recalled and made not canon to this blog!

Where is Roger now?

to put this simply as well, in the same universe as blogs such as @ask-steven-stevenson, @whathedickens, and my own oliver blog @gnarliest-phone-dude! aka i put him in dialtown despite this bein dsaf roger! i did this so i can actually interact with other blogs on this one with it making sense considering this is a roleplay blog. it currently, however, has found himself in stevens location! (ALSO SORRY YOU TWO FOR THE @!!!)

Why is Roger out of character?

he may be out of character due to this being my own spin on it and the fact that i havent had the time to rewatch any dsaf playthroughs to get the lore right! my sincerest apologies to anyone looking for a lore accurate roger blog, you will not find that here!

✎ᝰ.

Extra Info

this roger uses he/it pronouns still!

he is a trans man, bisexual and polyamorous! it has no canon partners as of now due to the blog bein (basically) restarted! i will update this if he get any!

it has a stutter (obviously) that i try my best to portray, my apologies if that is overused as well! just politely remind me if it is!

this is dsaf roger i have just placed him in dialtown for ease of interaction as i previously mentioned!

it has a tail, that i tend to mention in roleplay because. shut up its fun.

he is autistic and i will portray this the best i can! it is not diagnosed however so he doesnt know this itself.

Rules

sexual/suggestive asks are still fine, but please dont make them the main focus much like last time. same thing applies to romantic asks.

roleplaying is heavily encouraged! other character interactions and ocs are all welcome here!

no nsfw/heavily violent asks, ill simply delete the ask and maybe block you.

basic dni (no zoos/maps/etc.)

no venting in the askbox, i cant handle my own problems let alone someone elses!

no spamming the same ask over and over either!

i am free to delete whatever asks i please. keep that in mind.

[hwangjins00]

Johnny Lawrence and the self-fulfilling prophecy

so i've been thinking about this for a while and also because s6p1 just came out but i think that johnny is one of the best examples of a self-fulfilling prophecy in ck.

SO we've seen multiple times that johnny's been told he ruins people, by danial, robby, shannon, and carmen, even terry. And i'm not gonna disregard his actions, i agree that he has done a lot of stuff that negatively affected himself and those around him, not limited to becoming a functioning alcoholic, teaching kids aggression, drunk fights, being an absentee father, etc

BUT we also see him try a lot of times to get his act together and do better for the people around him, such as teaching miguel mercy, cleaning up his apartment and trying to limit drinking for carmen, and trying to get along with daniel for the sake of his students, but he's still criticized even for trying his best, the only character to consistently have been on his side through his highs and lows has been miguel.

out of all the characters the one who refuses to see johnny's change the most is probably daniel, and this is NOT a daniel hate post, i love daniel and he's one of my favourite kk and ck characters but that doesn't disregard the fact that he tends to have knee-jerk reactions and gets unbalanced easily when it comes to johnny. A lot of the characterization in the show can be attributed to writing choices but i'm going to try my best to not make that my main focus.

alright lets start!

when johnny first opens up his dojo its partly because of the anger he feels towards daniel for succeeding in life but mainly because he doesn't want miguel to keep getting beat on and miguel probably reminds him of himself before he met kreese. Daniel is the one to come to johnny and tell him to close cobra kai and this is completely valid seeing as how daniel's experiences with cobra kai were in his youth, however its also been 30 years and its reasonable to assume that johnny isnt still a high school bully. He tells miguel that if he doesnt leave the dojo he'll end up 'just like' johnny. Right off the bat we have someone insinuating that johnny is a terrible role model. Then when daniel starts training robby and discovers robby's homelife he goes to talk to johnny just to immediately turn on him the second he sees kreese, he doesn't talk to johnny to clear up the situation and he doesn't tell him about his son, and yes johnny has been a shitty dad but he deserves to know that his kid is going to be living with someone else (i honestly thought it was crazy that daniel never mentioned that he had johnny's SON IN HIS HOUSE??)

when robby takes sam to johnny's apartment when she was drunk daniel literally kicked down his door and got into a physical fight with johnny because he couldn't believe that johnny was being considered a safe space for his son to bring his crush to in order to sober up and wouldn't listen to johnny rationally asking him to calm down. and S6 SPOILERS but i think that out of the two of them johnny was trying much harder to be accomodating to daniel, he gave up the name cobra kai and eagle fang for miyagi do, worked kata into his teaching and geniunely tried to not be so hard headed and quick to fight. He tried to get a job (daniel making him switch from using karate as a job was honestly crazy, that was literally how he was paying bills and putting food on the table, johnny asking to be paid for his time and effort wasnt an insane ask especially considering that daniel owns multiple dealerships and chozen comes from a rich family as well, johnny is the only one that actually needed the dojo as a way to make money) and just overall be there, im not saying hes a great dad right away but its obvious that he's trying to be there for both miguel and robby without making either one of the boys feeling forgotten. (ex, telling them both he's proud win or lose, tying robby's headband, listening to miguel's college essay)

HOWEVER, it seems that no matter what he does, johnny is almost never seen positively by anyone other than miguel and devon. daniel switches up on him instantly (he drops people at the first sight of their flaws, as soon as johnny takes even a single step backwards instead of acting rationally and looking at the situation + offering support he tells johnny he'll never change and drops him immediately, he did the same thing with robby and doing that to a teenager dependent on you for food and shelter is honestly crazy), carmen has been pretty much sidelined due to the baby (i have THOUGHTS on this), kreese is his only supporter and he was literally tripping balls and snapped hallucination johnny's neck like a stale breadstick so johnny doesnt really have much in the way of a good support system

now for those that have somehow stuck around lol lets get to the actual point (i realized here that i literally just blabbed for so long without making my point lmfao)

a self-fulfilling prophecy is essentially: you become what you are told. if i told you everyday that you will never amount to more than what you are right now, ive 'prophesied' your future and to self-fulfil it you would just stop trying because you know that nothing you do will ever change my mind.

in a similar vein i believe that deep down johnny DOES believe that no matter what he does or how hard he tries he'll never be able to move past the image of him thats already been made up in peoples minds (society for all it talks about rehabilitation does not tend to actually support those who want to rehabilitate- more thoughts below) and so he goes through a constant cycle of disappointing those around him again and again because no one believes he can be any better and he's internalized that, i honestly have soo many thoughts about johnny's character in kk1 and ck and i would love to chat with anyone interested about it

re: society and rehab

so people talk the good talk about how rehabilitation is important and necessary, in the show daniel is able to form good friendships with both chozen and mike who were arguably much worse than johnny was to him (chozen fought in a literal DEATH MATCH against him and mike harassed him, dangled him off a cliff, forced him to compete in a rigged match where he pretty much just whaled on him on the mat), why was daniel able to forgive these guys but not johnny? my theory is that its because to him chozen and mike have their lives together and have also properly apologized for their actions (JJ&H im still waiting on that johnny apology where we address the 'you're alright larusso' line) meanwhile johnny has obviously gone downhill since HS, but daniel never takes his attempts to get it together seriously and along with a lot of the toxic ideals put into him by kreese, johnny doesn't take his rehabilitation seriously either, he can't afford rehab for his alcohol dependency (plus rehab isnt viewed positively by him either) and he doesnt have a very steady support system so that makes it even more difficult. unlike daniel he's never had a positive father figure in his life which makes it difficult for him to act as a father without fear of becoming kreese, i just wish that the show would take johnny's journey to becoming the man he wants more seriously

[skunkes]

trying to make sure my sketchbook is at the best quality it can be before uploading and

going kind of insane over the fact that.... microsoft fucking edge is better for viewing vs viewing a pdf in firefox?

comparison between the 2

these are at around the same zoom, second image of each set is firefox and looks more crunchy and blurry... since png to pdf is supposed to be lossless i might just. upload what ive got and hope that it doesnt look horrible on whatever ppl use to view pdfs/hope ppl just Get that the files are big + theres only so much u can zoom before it doesnt look crisp anymore....but still....embarrassing.

i heard that when this happens its also bc of the anti aliasing settings on whatever you're using to view a pdf but i cant find a way to change that on firefox....alas

[immafish0258]

[LONG RANT ABOUT FANDOM INCOMING I AM SO SORRY]

idk how to open this but ykw fuck it, i'll cut to the chase: imo some ppl in this fandom (mostly with the ppl on r/glassanimals, but its in other sites aswell) dont rlly know how to give criticism that isn't just plain insults

[more below (so it wont clog up the ga tag)]

theres nothing wrong with ACTUAL, CONSTRUCTIVE, HEALTHY CRITICISM dont get me wrong! whenever you like ilysfm or not, imo its important to like, have a healthy conversation, be respectful and be like "I like/dislike this album and imo I think it could've been better if x, y, z " and thats valid! even if its just "this album is/isn't my thing" thats ok! thats alright! I've seen people be respectful and give constructive criticism and have a convo!

I get the frustration aswell! I get that ppl wish for music that they like, and that ga dipping their toes (haha get it) into the pop genre for the second time in a row makes them feel estranged!

but the way some people try and "criticise" album 4 is just.. not it.

do some of yall think that "its not zaba therefore its a cashgrab and its mid and ga fell of and theyre sellouts" is constructive criticism? that's just plain insults with no taste! thats not healthy and doesnt start a good convo either!

like at some point you don't seem like a ga fan anymore and just a zaba stannie!

some ppl acting like zaba is superior and ga owes them more zaba is kinda weird to me cause like, they dont owe you anything! they dont know us! and we only know the parts they want us to see online!

and it's also not the first rodeo! this happened before! (definetly happened with dreamland but not sure on htbahb)

the take of "why are they making repetitive music" while you want ga to make another zaba AKA MAKE REPETITIVE MUSIC is a hypocritical take! It's not a good look I'm sorry!

and the take of "lp4 is full of generic love songs for depressed 13 year olds" that I've seen from a few people ain't good cause like, this album is full of depressing-at-best, toxic-at-worst relationships! just cause it's about love doesn't mean it's instantly generic! the lyrics aren't like "we would be together in the stars we would be so lovey dovey" "i wish you loved me back" "youre the air that i breathe", they're more like "ive been kidnaped and developed stockholm syndrome" "hey i fucking hate your guts but i still lowkey love yo- oh shit the songs ending" "we fell out of love and i cant change that no matter how hard I try". like IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU BRO! like misinterpreting these lyrics so badly my god-

also the fact that some went like "ga should be ashamed and embarressed for releasing this" is rlly sad to me, like I remember Dave saying that this is his most personal work and he had to get vulnerable first before making it, and saying that he should be embarressed for pouring his heart out is kinda :[ to me (maybe because vulnerabillity is a very important trait to me, but moving on)

or the take that "theyre making radio-friendly tiktok music" like what radio would play a song with lyrics mentioning ball gags and being tied up??????

like this is unproductive, lowkey unhealthy, very repetitive and very tiring imo. people are getting tired of the same ol recycled, poorly disguised as "criticism", bare insults. most of the time in the reddit, some here, on twitter, insta and discord. this has been repeated ad nauseam, and it's getting nowhere imo.

so uh yea. that's my thoughts on this whole thing

thanks for reading :] -A

[kiwibirb1]

Okay here to create an entire au based on just one song lyric but:

"What if the protagonists just died in the first scene?"

Anne did NOT survive that first week. But the guardian is like "shit didnt think this far ahead ummm ghost?" So Anne is this visible but *mostly intanglibe spirit. she panics at first bc "OMF I DIED" but gets used to it. shes visible, can still interact with people. she has cool ghost powers now. aint all that bad, aint it?

*If she focuses reallyyyyy hard than she can get like. half an hour of tangibleness. MAX

anyway now to over exlpain stuff as it pops into my head but ill put it under the cut dont worry. got the basic stuff anyway alwaredy

So: Reunion. Anne of the year happens and stuff and Toadie is like "some one says their a friend" yada yada yada stuff so anne is still ghost when she goes up to sasha. BUT she has learned that its best to pretend to be alive at least when approaching someone so she float walks up (looks like shes walking but is actaully floating) and then realizes its sasha and goes "Oh shit" and tangibles herself just before the hug. during the ride she lets herself go untangible but still trys to keep herself not see through so sasha doesnt know whats up. anyway while theyre at toad tower she tangibles but is really fucking tired most of the time. fight happens and anne is holding on with everything shes got. except she can feel herself losing focus. Sasha says the whole 'better off without me" line but right before she can let herself go Anne goes intangible again so sasha drops but she knows she was still holding on and she could feel anne so what happened? sasha has a lot of questions. Anne has extra grief bc she was the one who dropped sash. yeah...

Marcy at the gates! Anne is fully prepared to float over the wall and stuff but doesnt bc fam is in danger and oh hey theyre saved and thats a weird looking newt let me float over and help them but- oh. that is a human. who has just seen me be very much not alive. shit.

Anne pretends that nothing happened for a bit and goes tangible and all that while theyre doing the barbirant quest thing. Marcy is like "well, since she's not mentioning it, I must have imagined it!" Until that one bit where Marcy like shoves Anne out of the way. And just goes straight through her. Both girls eyes widen as they process what just happened but Anne takes control and is like "I'LL EXPLAIN LATER LETS FOCUS ON THE FIGHT RN" so yada yada yada thing happens except Anne kinda hides ghostyness a little less bc the secret is already out, not much you can do now. After fight she explains and marcy is broken. She brought her best friend here and now shes dead. She killed her best friend. Breaks so hard in fact that she spills the secret to Anne who is like "what. i- i need time to think" so they dont talk for multiple days besides the king andrias meeting**. Anne eventually lets Marcy explain why and friendship is very strained but Anne learns to move on. Not forgive, not yet, maybe not even ever, but move on. It happened, and all she can do now is deal with the consequences.

**CORE LORE HEHEHE. So actaully gonna slightly change some core lore and shit. Anne takes one look at the crown and it like "that thing is evil and I dont know why" bc she has some extra spirit senses now. She tries to focus in on it and her eyes flash blue for a second and she catches a glimpse of thousands of orange spirits, all with to many eyes, floating around the crown and whispering in Andrias's ears. She cant see them again, but is very suspicious of Andrias now. Thankfully, the core didn't see her. Or did it?

One little spirit, mostly ignored by the rest, saw her looking. For some reason, it doesn't feel compelled to tell the rest of the hivemind. It knows they wont look in it's mind, it has long lost all usefullness, only around because it was forgotten. It itself can't connect with the rest, and has no reason to want to. It follows Anne, leaving the core behind. It watches, silent. Until one day, Anne catches a glimpse of it following her. She doesnt day anything until she is alone. She calls out, "I know you're there." It is surprised, but becomes visible to her. (only her. thats important. but yeah the core ghosts have more control over theyre visiblity and shit.) She is surprised. It seems... so small. "Who are you?" It seems to think. It does not know. It's name has long faded from memory. It tells her so, and she softens just a bit more. "What are you?" It perks up. This it knows the answer to! It tells her of the Core, the collection of Amphibia's greatest minds. She understands why she dislikes the crown now, and what she saw that day. But she also knows that this little fellow wont hurt her.

Anne has a little ghost buddy now. She names it Clementine. (It's faintly orange, just like all the other Core ghosts, but slightly less as it is nearly entirely removed from the hivemind.)

[aroacesigma]

okay massive loredump incoming so im terribly sorry if none of this makes sense lol

to understand valkyrie's dynamic in the most basic way possible, shu is an incredibly talented artist who might seem extremely standoffish and cold while also being very short tempered (especially during the earlier stories) but he is very tender to those who cares about. throughout his entire arc though he learns how to express those feelings better so its really sweet to see ^-^ he really loves antique dolls and admires any type of art form really. and hes a very big croissant enjoyer. currently in the story hes studying in france. and i dont care if its only like a silly gag in the game but you have to take shu having DID out of my cold dead hands. he sometimes speaks through the doll his grandfather gave him, mademoiselle.

and mika is, for a lack of a better word his biggest fan(tm). type of guy that would defend anything shu does on twitter lmao. but before getting into their relationship!! i need to gush about my silly first. mika is an orphan who ends up at yumenosaki because he remembers meeting shu when they were both kids and seeing shu perform once. and was like. "hey. i want to be next to him" and somehow??? got in???? but anyway. hes a very sweet guy but might sometimes come off as a bit of an airhead. doesnt help w the fact that he keeps saying hes dumb while that not being the case at all. he really likes plushies :3 he frequently picks up abandoned plushies and clothes from the trash to fix them up and everything. he also has a bit of a sweet tooth lol. but he prefers cheaper candy or sweets that are a little flawed like a cake thats slightly burnt and whatnot because he says that the nice ones make him sick.

oh wow this is already so long im SORRY but getting into them together, their entire arc is them growing and learning and trying to become the best versions of themselves as partners.

during ! era, the earlier batch of stories, when mika first joins valkyrie his relationship with shu is really not healthy at all. people still call them a proship sometimes because they will just ignore any development they had 💀 this was the time that mika was incredibly devoted to shu and very dependent on him. that his only purpose was to be shu's doll for him to control and lead him because he couldnt be trusted with himself or whatever. this being paired with shu's perfectionism resulted in this dynamic of a puppeteer and his puppet, basically. i will probably get to the war in another ask if you want me to bc. i feel like im rambling on too much nfmfnf <.< but after the events of the war their dynamic starts changing with time, in the later ! stories a few of them shows this switch to emphasizing mika needing to become his own person, and to live as a human instead of mindlessly following what shu says him to do. when we get to the !! era how much they've both grown is way more visible, by now shu has moved to france but visits japan frequently for valkyrie's activities or other things. shu cannot shut up about being partners in art with mika and is really proud of how far he has come. mika on the other hand, he really starts pushing for his own artistic taste more and also!! he calls shu out on his bullshit sometimes its really fun to read.

and if you want more tragic yaoi, id recommend listening to acanthe first and the lyrics then going onto le temps des fleurs, both have insane stories in the game accompanying the songs but i will . stop myself for now. all i will say is that the outfits in le temps des fleurs, half of it is supposed to be the groom while the other is the bride, so yeah theyre married to me now.

ohhhh theyre so silly. honestly love that character development for them <3 so glad gay marriage is real in enstars