#a lot of people praise the same 5 artists and then hate everyone else

[foolbo]

“rossmos artstyle doesnt fit the book” the book is about tim living in a boat based queer communiy and beating up old poetry it deserves silly fun art

[harrowharkboygf]

Game Night

a short post-season 5 oneshot. read on ao3

——

Catra liked to think of herself as a dedicated person. There were a lot of things she still hated about herself—the therapist Perfuma had recommended to her had said during their first session that it would take time to fully forgive herself, to get out of the “self-destructive mindset” she had spent so long embracing. But she at least prided herself on her resolve, her resilience, her determination.

However, it turned out that in terms of determination, she was nothing compared to the princesses’ crazed desire to hold as many social events as physically possible.

At first, during the initial celebration at Brightmoon and the stream of Thank You For Saving The World, Princesses! parties that were thrown in their honor as they traveled across Etheria to help with rebuilding efforts, Catra thought that this was just because of the circumstances. Everyone was clearly thrilled to be alive and happy that the princesses were back to being heroes, and they wanted to commemorate the occasion with festivities.

(It was still weird to think of herself like that. As a member of the Princess Alliance. Would it ever get less strange?)

But then Catra learned that the princesses were just like that. There were endless game nights and iceball tournaments and flower crown-making circles and picnics and trips around Etheria just for the purpose of seeing the sights. Late night planning meetings that turned into sleepovers, and visits to their allies under the guise of “checking in” that held no tactical purpose in the end.

This was so foreign, so beyond her reality; she had grown up in the Horde, where her idea of free time was just more training. Her only celebrations came in the form of stolen moments with Adora and extra ration bars, which she hoarded like it was water in the Crimson Wastes.

But despite how skeptical she acted, deep down Catra loved it, even the flower crowns. She discovered that she was very good at iceball—so good that she and Adora were banned from playing against each other on the grounds of being too competitive. (Thankfully, Glimmer and Frosta were equally worthy opponents.) Spinnerella and Netossa were more than happy to teach her all their tricks; Catra found the couple oddly comforting, a nice, stable, older presence that she’d never had before.

But above all, Catra loved the quiet moments the most. Late sleepovers with the Best Friend Squad (her attempts to change the name to something more badass, like the Kickass Comrades, had been shot down) had, much to her surprise, become one of her favorite things. The old Catra would have scoffed seeing her now, eating sweets and giggling late into the night, but she didn’t care. Arrow Boy and Sparkles had actually become her friends, dignity be damned.

And of course, there was Adora. Beautiful, amazing, wonderful Adora, with her sparkling blue eyes and soft lips and strong arms that always ended up wrapped around Catra. She could hardly believe it was real, that Adora loved her. She wondered if she would ever be able to wake up and not stare in disbelief at the sight of Adora lying next to her, staring at her with soft, loving eyes. If one day she would stop fearing that all of it was a dream.

“Hey, lovebirds!” Glimmer shouted. “Quit being gross and get over here so you can finish helping us!”

They had spent the last two weeks in what had formerly been known as the Fright Zone, and what was soon to become Scorpia’s kingdom. The still-newly-minted princess had decided to use it as a refuge for former Horde soldiers who were looking to turn over a new leaf. “After all,” Scorpia had said, “if Catra and Adora and I all changed, everyone else can, too.”

But unsurprisingly, the place was still, as Catra put it, full of shit. So the Princess Alliance decided to clean it up and redecorate.

“You said we could take a water break!” protested Adora.

“Yeah,” said Catra, smirking. “We’re so thirsty.” She blinked innocently up at Glimmer from her perch on Adora’s lap, one arm slung around her shoulders and the other hand playing with her blonde hair.

Mermista, who was carrying a stack of boxes nearby, rolled her eyes. “Yeah you are,” she muttered. Behind her, Sea Hawk gave them a thumbs up.

Glimmer put her hands on her hips, shaking her head. “I said you could take a water break when Adora tried to lift a literal tank without shifting into She-Ra. But that was twenty minutes ago! Let’s go, you two. Chop chop.”

Adora’s gaze was fixed on Catra, a soft smile sliding across her lips. “Just a minute,” she told Glimmer, not breaking eye contact with Catra. Gently, she tipped her head upwards and kissed her. Catra let herself dissolve into the kiss, closing her eyes and exhaling.

They pulled apart only to press their foreheads together. “I think we’re annoying,” Adora stage-whispered.

Catra barely kept herself from giggling. (Giggling. What the fuck, honestly.) “You think?” she asked.

She heard Glimmer say, “Bow! Come help me!” Then she felt hands wrap around her as Bow and Glimmer bodily lifted her up off of Adora’s lap. She hissed in fake-annoyance, squirming in their grip.

“Don’t pretend you two are much better!” she shrieked as they deposited her onto a pile of stacked bedrolls. “I saw you feeding Sparkles at breakfast!”

Frosta scoffed as she used her ice powers to hang a lantern. “I get it, you’re all gross! When can we be done? I’m bored!”

Scorpia delicately set a plant down on a nearby windowsill, mindful of her claws. “Soon! Thank you so much for your help, guys. The place looks great.” Everyone beamed, pausing to look around and admire their handiwork.

It did look great. The walls had been painted a lighter color, and the hallways were now well-lit, filled with softer, more pleasant decor. The clanging of machinery still echoed, but gone was the smoke and pollution; Entrapta had spent a long time working on a more clean form of energy, one that was better for magic and the planet and whatever.

Speaking of the pig-tailed princess—“Where’s Entrapta?” asked Catra. “She didn’t want to come and invent some bot to help us?”

Perfuma adjusted her girlfriend’s placement of the potted plant, trying to give it as much sunlight as possible. “She’s very busy with all her new ethical science projects now—”

“Semi-ethical,” corrected Bow, rubbing the back of his neck.

“—But she was invited to our celebration tomorrow night! Hopefully we will see her then.”

“Another party? It never ends, does it?” Catra said to Adora, who had come back to stand at her side.

Perfuma clasped her hands together. “Oh, this one will just be a small get-together. We’ll throw a big party once all of Scorpia’s citizens move in, but this is just for us princesses!”

“And Bow and Catra and Sea Hawk,” Mermista reminded her.

Perfuma shrugged. “Honorary princesses!”

Adora cleared her throat. “Alright, team, let’s get these last few things in place. We can pick up the little bit that’s left tomorrow morning. I think it’s bedtime.”

——

“And then I said, “Uh, your ship’s on fire!’”

The room burst in laughter. Catra wiped a tear from her eye as she cackled—there was something about Mermista’s deadpan delivery that made all her stories way funnier than anyone else’s. “And did you ever run into that pirate again?” she asked.

Sea Hawk spread his arms grandly. “Why, of course! He approached us a short time later to tell us how our genius and fighting prowess inspired him, and how he had decided to become an artist and build statues in our honor. To this day, his children sing our praises around campfires.”

At the same time, Mermista shook her head and said, “Nope. Never saw him again.”

This unleashed another wave of giggles. Still snickering, Catra leaned forward in her seat and took a cookie off the plate on the table in front of her. As she did so, Frosta opened her mouth wide and pointed wordlessly at it. Catra rolled her eyes and tossed a cookie at her. She caught it in her mouth and gave a muffled cheer as she chewed.

Bow rubbed his hands together. “Okay, guys, let’s get started.” He gestured at the table in front of them, which would soon be the center of Scorpia’s strategy room. Tonight, however, it was covered with a big game board and several playing pieces, dice, and stacks of cards. “Here’s how we play—”

“We’re here!”

Entrapta practically bounced into the room, Emily close at her side, beeping cheerfully. Wrong Hordak followed close behind them, smiling his typical sheepish smile and holding a tray crammed with an almost-impossible amount of tiny pink cupcakes.

Adora stood up to greet them. “Hey, guys! Welcome to…”

Her voice trailed off abruptly as the last guest entered. Catra felt her heart begin to pound; she stood up too, curling her claws into fists. Melog, who had been sleeping next to the sofa the Best Friend Squad was sharing, sprang to its feet, hissing. The rest of the group froze, exchanging shocked glances.

Hordak (the real one) stood in the doorway, somehow managing to look both awkward and stern. “Hello,” he said shortly, his deep voice echoing slightly.

When no one answered for a long, tension-filled minute, Entrapta looked rapidly between the group and Hordak, her eyes wide with confusion. “Sorry we’re late,” she said tentatively. “Did I…did I bring too many people?”

Mermista buried her head in her hands and let out a muffled scream. Sea Hawk patted her arm sympathetically.

Catra struggled to choose between saying What is he doing here and Absolutely fucking not and just straight-up attacking him. Judging by her facial expression, across the table Frosta was thinking along the same lines.

Entrapta twirled one of her ponytails around her nervously, her smile slowing sliding off her face the longer the silence dragged on. Next to her, Wrong Hordak shifted from foot to foot. “Uh…”

Perfuma hastily jumped up, a fake smile plastered on her face. “We’re so glad you could come!” she chirped, flinging her arms around her.

Wrong Hordak joined the hug. “I have missed you, brothers!” he told them tearfully.

At Perfuma’s pointed look, Scorpia and Frosta made space for the newcomers, bringing over more chairs.

“Will you be joining us, Hordak?” Catra asked icily, sneering at him.

“Be nice,” Bow whispered to her.

“She has a point,” Glimmer whispered back.

Hordak glared right back at her. “Entrapta invited me. Am I not welcome here?”

Adora managed to pick her jaw up off the floor. “Uhhh…no, um, take a seat. Bow was just about to tell us how this game works.” She sat down, pulling Catra down with her.

Bow started to explain, occasionally being interrupted by Frosta, Perfuma, and Sea Hawk, who all had their own opinions on how the rules should be interpreted. Meanwhile, Catra hissed quietly, “Are we seriously just going to play a board game with Hordak of all people?”

“He’s changed, I guess,” Adora murmured back.

On her other side, Glimmer rolled her eyes. “Allegedly.”

After the war had ended, the Rebellion didn’t really know what to do with Hordak. Sure, he had saved Entrapta and turned against Horde Prime, but they weren’t just going to let him sit back on his throne. Originally Catra had been in favor of dumping his ass in the Crimson Wastes, but Huntara was having none of it.

So eventually the princesses settled on letting him live in Dryl with Entrapta, as long as he swore never to hold any political power or territory for the rest of his life. An oath they would make sure he held, with magic to ensure it, if necessary.

“I don’t trust him,” Catra murmured.

Adora placed a comforting hand on her thigh. “Me neither, but Entrapta trusts him. And whatever makes her happy, we’ll support.”

They watched Hordak sneer as Perfuma tried to offer him some fruit juice. She frowned back at his rude behavior, huffing in that trying-to-be-dignified-yet-offended way of hers. Frosta looked like she wanted to stick his head in an ice block. Meanwhile, Entrapta was in full science mode, spilling out a detailed lecture about dice and probability.

“Even if the thing that makes her happy is Hordak?” grimaced Glimmer.

Adora sighed, rubbed her forehead. “Even so,” she said glumly.

Bow clapped his hands, signaling the end of his rules explanation. “Okay, does everyone get it?”

“Yes,” said Catra.

“Totally,” said Glimmer.

“Yeah…” said Adora.

Bow gave them a look that suggested he knew they hadn’t been listening at all. “Okay, let’s get started!”

Thankfully, Catra was able to figure it out as she went. The game was fairly simple: the players had to try to be the first one to make it around a map of Etheria, while fighting mythical monsters and challenges along the way. She leaned forward, smirking, her competitive nature taking over. “You’re all going down,” she said, making a show of cracking her knuckles.

Glimmer scooped up the dice and began to shake them. “As if!”

Scorpia laughed and shook her head. “No, guys, Perfuma is the champion at this game. She’s beaten me every time, she’s that amazing.”

The flower princess blushed a deep crimson. “Oh, Scorpia!” she trilled. “You are amazing too!”

Catra watched this play out fondly. Despite her and Scorpia’s…rocky history, she was genuinely sorry for all the pain she’d caused her. Although Scorpia had said she forgave her, there was a while after the war where things had been awkward, uncomfortable. She was happy to see that the former Force Captain had found someone who could make her happier than Catra ever could.

Hordak made a strangled noise in the back of his throat. It took her a minute to realize that he was laughing. “This is a childish competition,” he announced, sounding annoyed.

Mermista rested her chin on her palm. “You’re just mad that you couldn’t conquer Etheria and now you can’t win this board game.”

Hordak stiffened. “How dare—”

“Okay!” Bow interceded, his voice hinging on hysteria. “Glimmer will start!”

They went around in a circle, their game pieces slowly advancing with each roll of the dice. Catra was not thrilled when Glimmer rolled four tens in a row and she kept only rolling ones and twos. Thankfully, she was able to get Sparkles back when she pulled a Brightmoon-themed card and “teleported” her to the little red and yellow spot on the board that was supposed to represent the Crimson Wastes.

Scorpia was, unsurprisingly, the best sport about this. While everyone else soon succumbed to playfully cursing each other out as they scrambled to keep their game piece ahead of the group, Scorpia was the one congratulating everyone even when they fucked her over.

Even Perfuma huffed when Frosta got her stuck in the “Northern Reach”. “This is a betrayal,” she sniffed dramatically, crossing her arms. “I will never, ever forgive you.” A moment later, she cracked a smile and winked at the younger girl to let her know she was joking.

Wrong Hordak landed on a “Magic Zone” square and whipped out a card. “Do not worry, sister! This piece of paper says the Sorcerers’ Guild has granted me the power of…time travel! I will reverse your plight!” he declared. He reached down and daintily picked up Perfuma’s piece so he could place it back on the path.

Perfuma giggled. “My hero!”

“That was supposed to be used for your piece,” Entrapta pointed out, fidgeting with a small gear as she waited for her turn.

Adora shrugged. “Eh, let him do what he wants,” she said. She leaned back and not-so-casually draped her arm over Catra’s shoulders. She leaned into her girlfriend’s touch happily.

Entrapta pulled out the recorder she clearly kept with her at all times. “Observation number two hundred and fifty-three: when playing games, rules are to be broken at the player’s convenience.”

“Now you’ve got the spirit!” chuckled Sea Hawk, who was currently attempting to steal alien chips off of Mermista’s plate. Every time she caught him, he gave her the most lovestruck eyes he could pull off until she let her snag a chip.

Wrong Hordak handed the dice to Actual Hordak. “Your turn, brother!”

Hordak took the dice emotionlessly and rolled it. A five. He moved his game piece to the appropriate square.

“You landed on a runestone!” Perfuma cheered. “That means you get to move ahead five spaces!”

Hordak frowned down at the tiny drawing. “This pathetic image looks nothing like the real Black Garnet. It fails to capture the strength, the raw power that eminented from my runestone. How comical.”

“Your runestone?” Catra repeated, raising one eyebrow. “It’s not yours anymore, Hordak.”

He glowered at her. “In a better life, it was.”

Glimmer narrowed her eyes. “Are you saying that—”

Entrapta scooped up the dice. “My turn!” she chirped.

Adora hastily stood up, gripping both Glimmer and Catra’s arms tightly. “We are going to get more fruit juice!” she said. “Bow, will you come with us?”

His grin was particularly strained. “Of course!”

They both looked at Glimmer. “Fiiiine,” she sighed, before transporting the Best Friend Squad to the nearby kitchen.  

Once there, Adora immediately turned to Catra and Glimmer. Melog slunk in after them, not wanted to be separated from its owner.

“He’s a terrible person!” protested Catra, already knowing what she was going to say. “I want him out of here.”

“Everyone did terrible things while they were in the Horde,” Bow reminded her gently as he poured more fruit juice into cups. Including you was the unspoken meaning behind that sentence. She looked down at the ground.

“But,” Bow said, handing her a cup, “what matters is that they’ve changed.”

Glimmer took the juice pitcher out of his hands, kissing his cheek. “I agree with Catra,” she told him as she poured. “Hordak might have said he was sorry, but he doesn’t act like it.”

“ And ,” added Catra, emboldened by someone siding with her, “he’s just straight up gross. How someone could possibly find that greasy-haired stick-up-his-ass attractive is just absolutely beyond me—”

“I know! He’s all—” Glimmer deepened her voice, hunched her shoulders. “—‘Pathetic princesses! You know nothing of true power! I am Hordak, Prince of Evil! Mwahahaha!’”

Catra laughed so hard she choked, and almost fell over.

Even Bow, who was rooting through the cabinets looking for more napkins, chuckled. “That’s cute,” he told her.

She winked at him. “ I’m cute.”

“You are.” He pulled her into a hug from behind, pressing his lips to the side of her head.

Adora took Catra’s hand. “Just please try to refrain from killing him for tonight,” she asked. “Afterwards, you and Glimmer and Mermista can start an I Hate Hordak club if you want.”

Catra tugged playfully on her ponytail. “Don’t tempt me. I will run that club.”

Her girlfriend poked her cheek in return before helping Glimmer and Bow stack the cups of fruit juice onto a tray. Catra grabbed another bag of alien chips, just in case.

“Alright,” said Adora, carefully balancing the heavily-stacked tray and ignoring everyone else eying her worriedly. “Ready?”

Bow winced as the tray wobbled dangerously when she took a step. “Adora, do you need—”

“I got it!”

Glimmer shook her head. “Maybe we’d better walk back to the strategy room. I don’t know if those cups can survive a teleportation trip.”

“We’ll be fine!” Adora assured her, and then promptly tripped, sending the tray flying.

——

“I’m really proud of you,” Adora told her as they waved goodbye to the group. They all had to return to their own kingdoms; it still wasn’t stable to be gone for too long.

Catra looked up at her. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, you—” She was cut off by a yell of frustration coming from the direction of the skiff waiting to take their friends back to Dryl.

The two of them watched Wrong Hordak and Entrapta attempt to bodily lift Emily onto the skiff, which was hovering a few feet above the ground. The bot was nothing more than deadweight, beeping irritably.

“Her programming is due for an update soon,” Entrapta explained. “Sometimes she gets sulky like this.”

“She doesn’t wanna say goodbye to her friends,” Frosta said. She seemed particularly pouty herself. She had become particularly clingy after the war ended, and probably wasn’t happy about having to go back to her own kingdom alone after spending so much time with everyone.

Catra could relate.

“We’ll see everyone again soon,” Glimmer reminded her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. “We’re throwing a celebration once Perfuma and Scorpia get everyone settled here, remember?”

“Yeah,” said Frosta, sticking out her lip grumpily.

Wrong Hordak shrieked as one of Emily’s appendages kicked him in the face. He dropped her with a thud.

“Emily!” scolded Entrapta. “Not nice!” Scorpia and Perfuma moved to help them, which definitely made things more successful. Meanwhile, Hordak watched the whole scene unfold from inside the skiff, not bothering to offer his help.

“As I was saying,” Adora said, still chuckling, “I’m really proud of you, Catra. I—I know it can be hard to keep your anger in check when you’re dealing with…”

“With the former dictator of our childhood?” she finished. “I know.”

“You’ve come a long way.”

Catra laced their fingers together, leaned against her shoulder. “So have you.”

Mermista called Frosta over to their skiff, where Sea Hawk was helping her load up their bags. The game night victor gave Glimmer a hug, then Bow, Adora, and, to her surprise, Catra. “See you later, Horde Scum,” Frosta said, parroting her mentor.

Catra grinned back at her. “See you later, princess.”

From the skiff, Mermista tossed a wadded-up piece of paper to Catra. “I look forward to it!” she shouted as Sea Hawk helped Frosta into the skiff.

“Me too!” Catra shouted back.

Adora looked curiously at the paper ball. “What’s that?”

Catra handed it to her without saying a word, smirking. Adora unfolded it, revealing a flyer.

The I HATE HORDAK Club

Calling all Etherians!

Do YOU hate the former Horde Lord?

Do YOU fantasize about ruining his day?

If so, this is the place for you!!!

Meetings will be held at Brightmoon Castle. Any questions, please see Catra or Princess Mermista.

[mystech-master]

F/GO High School/Modern AU BS

Me and @rex101111 have been talking about a modern/HS AU ft. as many Chaldean servants as possible. Here are the ideas we came up with (I am pretty much cut and pasting our message convo, so this is a mixture of both me and Rex's ideas):

Gil is the douchbag Senior everyone hates but his dad owns the school or whatever so he can do whatever he wants. The only decent person who willingly hangs out with him is his childhood friend Enkidu who's hoping he can un-douch his bro. He has kid Gil as his little brother and Caster Gil as his older bro who both agree that he sucks (Gil is the loser middle child of the family), Caster Gil wonders what Enkidu sees in his shit head brother. "He's too good for you." "Blow it out your ass." "One day he's going to wise up, see how much of a shit you are, and when you're all alone don't come crying to me." Caster Gil is in college studying political science, Kid Gil goes to a fancy boarding school. Archer Gil goofs off and throws parties

Scathach is a swimming class teacher, mainly b/c I recall underwater training being a part of Cu's regiment under her tutelage. People were jealous of the Cus for like two seconds when they find out the swim teacher is their mom, then they see her having them do an extra twenty laps and ignoring when OG Cu starts floating in the water. "CU DIED!" "YOU'RE NOT HUMAN!" while Scathach is like "you have two seconds to stop playing around before I ACTUALLY drown you" and he's back to doing laps.

Yeah with 4-5 Cus (if you count Setanta from Arcade) that is like 5 brothers.

Nightingale as school nurse, she is friends with Asclepius who works at a hospital associated with the school (strictly professional, but the students think otherwise).

Side note, keep in mind you can have multiple servants be the same type of teacher, just for different classes/grades.

King Hassan is the old Religious History teacher. Every one thinks he's older then the rock is the school is made out of. He has a scary face and a scarier voice but most students consider him the most fair and patient teacher in the whole school. He always gets a lot of food gifts before Ramadan form the students. (A few students, such as the Guda twins and Mash, call him gramps.) The other Hassans are his grandkids, like actual grandkids. He's super strict with them because he expects a lot from them. He always praises them when they do well though. He made sure they ALL got into his class and they've been living in fear ever since. They love their grandpa but by Allah they know not to disappoint him. The only one to ever get out of anything is kid Hassan (one of the hundred face). Cursed Arm is oldest, then Asako (the main hundred face), then Serenity.

"I am very disappointed in ALL of you, have you all lost your heads? I swear I-*to kid Hassan*-ah no Habibi not you you're fine here have a candy-*back to the rest*-I KNOW you're better than this!"

VERY traditional guy, Cursed Arm mutters "Oh for God's sake" while doing a pop quiz and King Hassan looms over him and growls, "No Blaspheming In This Class Room"

For the various Artoria/Arturias, I imagined Lancer and Lancer Alter being sisters, so Saber Alter is a cousin. That leaves everyone else to just be sisters with one brother. Mother Lartoria owns a casino and gas her own yacht in reference to the summer event where she became a Ruler. If you want MHX could be a part of the family as a massive fucking Star Wars nerd. MHXX and MHX Alter are her mom and sister (so MHXX is a third sister for the two Lancer Artorias)

For Irisviel, I remember in one of the Nero Fest things that she was called Therapist Iri. Maybe she starts to get into that b/c she wants to help her adoptive son Shirou (instead of a big fire like in Zero it can be an orphanage fire thing, similar situation but a much smaller scale) , so she is the school therapist/psychiatrist. Like Maruki in P5 Royal.

Iskandar died in his 30s, Waver is around his 30s as Lord El Melloi II. The two are old college friends who still hang out and Alexander is Iskandar’s kid.

If you guys want you can see this as the two being gay dads since I know that ship is popular.

Fran had an abusive father before Babbage and Moriarty got involved. In the og story, Frankenstien has a scientific mindset like his creator, here Fran has a talent in the field, but she also hates it b/c it reminds her of him. Like imagine being talented at the thing your abusive parent was good at/known for. Moriarty tried to get it into her that SHE'S the one with the talent, not her college dropout bum of a father, "From you tell me of him Victor couldn't engineer his way out of an argument with a cat, you have a magnificent mind my dear, not letting it flourish to spite him would be a horrible waste...it's your talent, your skill. Not his." He smiles that smile she loves that scares every one but she knows he only smiles like that when he is absolutely convinced of something, "and you can out perform him without breaking a sweat."

Moriarty teaches Fran sign language while Babbage teaches her some engineering.

Jekyll is going for a major in medicine with a minor in law (in the actual irl story Dr. Jekyll was a doctor in medicine and law).

For science associated servants, you got da Vinci, Babbage, Edison, and Tesla as possible science teachers.

The Jeanne sisters. Without the Avenger BS, the reason Jalter (or Joan as one series of fics calls her) could hate her here is just inferiority complex and being compared to her perfect saint big sister all her life. Joan does have her talents, based on the summer event an, but again she doesn't acknowledge her own talent b/c of her always being compared to her older sister., in the 7 counterfeit events she is a really good artist. And it is the typical thing of Jeanne actually being scared out of her wits of being less than perfect because of all the expectations thrust on her. She gets one A- and runs to the bathroom crying and Joan has to swallow her pride and actually have a conversation with her sister for the first time in years. Jeanne Alter lily puts up Christmas decorations super early, much to Jeanne Alter/Joan's displeasure.

"IT JUST TURNED NOVEMBER CHILL TF OUT!"

"CHRISTMAS!"

Martha is Jeanne's BF since middle school and has this HUGE dog that scares everyone and growls at anyone expect Martha and Jeanne. She calls him Terry.

Rex loves Penthesilea. and we talked at length about the situation between her and Achilles. Can you not tell that he likes a woman who can kick his ass *gestures to all of his Baiken posts*

Rex's idea: I think they had a fight when they were little and Achilles, being a little shit back then, made fun of her for being a girl, and Penth has been sore about it ever since. She keeps running into big misogynistic meatheads that reminded her of that and she just got angrier over the years. She's a wrestler and can knock out just about every dude in school by herself. Achilles is very regretful about back then and wants to apologize but Penth ain't having any of it.

My idea: I thought they were on opposing HS sports teams and when Achilles handed her ass to her he forgot to drink his respect women juice and then Penth got all pissed.

In this AU, Penth and Hippolyta's dad was a general who taught them how to kick the ass of men twice their size since they were seven or something.

Penth surprises everyone when a festival comes up and she gets picked to be the one to organize everything...and does a spectacular job. Another surprise is that she plans on being a business major when she goes to college (Obligatory Amazoness CEO jokes)

Bedivere is the Arturia Pendragon family butler with a prosthetic arm. He's also the security guard, last guy that tried to steal something or cause trouble got slapped right out of the window he sneaked in from.

Francis Drake and Artoria Alter Lancer are work friends (referencing them both being associated with the Wild Hunt in F/GO's lore).

Beni-Enma is the short and shorter tempered lunch lady, last kid who mouthed off at her during lunch got smacked upside the head with her spoon. She's sweet, but if you're in detention and have to help her in the kitchen she's a mini Gorden Ramsey, "IT'S RAW DECHI!!!" She can also come into the home EC class where Shirou is her best student. Also her roasting of the other girls like in her quest. Getting Fs in Beni's class is the worst, because it isn't just an F, it's a meticulous dressing down of exactly why letting into a kitchen should be considered a war crime, dechi.

The three Avenger Nobus are three different people. 1st Ascension is basically Archer Nobu, then you got Oda Kipposhi, and then the mom is Ascension 3 with Demon King Nobunaga. The youngest Ascension 1 Nobu is a musician. Demon King Nobu is one of those "super scary but also super polite people that only makes them scarier" type, basically a female koei Nobunaga from samurai warriors (check out some cutscenes form the games with him, he's a treat).

Imagine Demon King Nobu mom in a business suit.

Suzuka Gozen and Sei Shonagon are the textaholics who always talk in slang to the point of it sounding like they speak a different language. Murasaki is the librarian but Sei is like that ONE student who just makes her job so much harder.

Every week it's "No phones in the library Miss Shonagon." while Sei rolls her eyes and types out twitter post like "fugly ol librarian at my school needs a life lol"

Oui Katsushika is a gifted art student, and her dad (not a floating little octopus), is just a normal dude with a squid/octopus like beard. She's the teacher's pet in De Vinci's art class.

Eresh and Ishtar come from a rich family, Ereshkigal is the older sister so she had a shit load of responsibility to take over the family business while Ishtar basically gets to party her life away. Rin is the cousin they each try and swing their way. Eresh wants Rin to keep up her studies and get into a good university, Ishtar wants Rin to loosen the fuck up and admit that she likes that scrawny Emiya kid already.

BB is the host of a talk show downtown so she is kind of an absentee mom. Meltryllis has prosthetic legs that she specifically asked to be made into stilts b/c she wanted to be taller, and Passonlip has a massive rack that makes life difficult (either people staring, people assuming she's gonna be a home wrecker b/c said staring must be intentional, etc.), and of course he also has prosthetic arms to match her canon claws, obviously not as massive.

Hijikata is a very serious police officer but his wife Carmilla just uses this to have fun in the bedroom. They have two Dobermans. Hijikata's route has him patrolling near the school so most of the kids know as that scary police dude that has a picture of his wife in his pocket. One day a famous Idol called Eli-chan~ (yes spelled with the ~) is about to perform in the town and the kids can't stop talking about her, so Hijikata overhears. But, being the serious dude he is he shrugs it off until he sees a picture of this "Eli-chan~" and realizes it's his sister-in-law that came to visit and suddenly the influx of parasitic paparazzi near his house start making sense.

Carmilla: "Now you see why I hate them?", Hijikata: "No you cannot send the dogs after them honey."

She almost ran one of them over in her, very expensive, car and when that reporter says she should be locked up Hijikata corrects that would only happen if she had hit him...and she would be fined. For littering.

Okita Alter being Hijikata's partner, while Okita is her younger sister who's looked up to Hijikata since she was a little kid but she has asthma and such so she's afraid she might not get accepted.

Sigurd owns a metalworks shop (referencing his myth where he was raised by the dwarf Reginn), he met his wife Brynhildr when she was disowned by her overly controlling father.

Ozymandias, Nitocris, and Cleopatra are all the high board members of a company. Nitocris specifically got wind of Scheherazade's abusive husband situation and after getting said husband arrested, she offered Scheherazade a job.

Atalanta is a college student/TA who worked with Achilles' dad who ends up at their HS for a program or something, Achilles' dad has told him a lot about her.

Amakusa Shirou is an uncle married to the CEO of Babylon Gardens Pharmaceuticals, Semiramis. Semiramis herself is kinda chill if REALLY scary. She had to be pretty cutthroat to get to her position in the company, but Amakusa Shirou helped her mellow out, but she is still a massive tsundere.

"You know you COULD poison their lunch." "Semi, dear, I'm not going to poison my coworker's sandwich for being an ass." "It wouldn't kill them! Just a bit in their peanut better and they'll be stuck on the toilet for a week, no harm no foul."

Rex initially said Taiga would be an overly enthusiastic gym teacher but then I remembered that she was a homeroom/English teacher in Fate canon, but either or can do if you wanna be unique.

For Quetzalcoatl, Wrestling club supervisor when she isn't the senior year gym teacher. Some of the male students laughed that they didn't think a woman would know anything about wrestling. Two piledrives later, the students have earned a new appreciation for the importance on how not to be two pieces of shit. She's big on Lucha as in canon and during Halloween she gets JAGUARMAN to have an exhibition fight with her. They make a show of it but later on Taiga admits that Quatz could have CRUSHED her if they were actually fighting. She takes the wrestling club out for homemade Mexican food after tournaments

For Siduri, there's a bunch of rumors she's dating Caster Gil but it's strictly professional, Caster respects her too much to consider that. Archer Gil hits on her relentlessly, she manages to wound his ego more severely then anyone else simply by being unfailingly polite in her rejections and treating him like what he is, a teenage punk jumping higher than he can handle to land.

Ibaraki is Shuten's adoptive little sister after she was taken from an abusive mother, hence why Ibaraki looks up to her. Ibuki is either Shuten's big sister who had to take on a guardian role, or just her mom. Shuten and Ibuki have a bit of a strained relationship because Shuten saw the way Ibuki acted as they grew up, taking more and more responsibilities onto herself and refusing any distractions. And she decided that her biggest nightmare is to wake up one morning and realize she's turned into Ibuki so she tries to do everything to avoid that, hence their relationship not being the best. Ibaraki is kinda stuck in the middle because she wants to side with Shuten but she sees where Ibuki is coming from. Messy.

Caren is still Kotomine’s daughter, but he isn’t a good dad and in rebellion she sleeps around despite being a woman of god. Including sleeping with local punk Angra Mainyu. Angra Mainyu seems like a bad guy but he has a shit load of issues due to being blamed for everything going wrong in his old town, eventually coming to believe them and thinking he will cause nothing but problems. Caren banging him gives him a type of closeness he’s never felt, but under very warped circumstances.

For the Tamamo family, Vitch totally fucked her way up a corporate ladder or something, imagined Tamamo Cat working at a Cat Cafe if she were a Student. Tamamo no Mae accidentally fed her prev BF a food he was allergic too, and that kind of haunted her and scared her rep. IDK basically she seriously fucked up a previous relationship, either on purpose or accidentally, and that kind of hurts her deeply so she wants to start over with Hakuno.

Nero and Tamamo no Mae are rivals over this one guy.

Kiichi Hougen is the adoptive mom, Benkei is the family friend/uncle, Taira is Ushiwaka's older sister. Taira isn't on the best of terms with her family, some drama way back caused a rift and nowadays Ushi is the only one who's willing to talk to her and visit. Benkei never lets her go alone because he doesn't trust Taira one bit. Taira and Ushiwaka are Kintoki and Tomoe's cousins (I say Tomoe b/c apparently her husband and Ushiwaka were half cousins, with their grandpa having kids with their grandmas. I tried to make a whole family tree out of a few servants).

These are the ideas we had the most to talk about, if you guys have any suggestions for your fav servants in this AU, let either me or Rex know. Or just reblog and say them here. Who knows maybe you have a much better idea for a Servant we already mentioned.

[vivalamusicaltheater]

Types of art reposters, ranked by how much I personally hate them

Hey so I haven’t personally had art reposted bc I’m a small artist and not that good in terms of technique yet (this isn’t self deprecation, just an acknowledgment that I’m not that great at anatomy and lighting and shading and such yet), but I see art reposters all the time on Instagram and (occasionally, not actually that often) here, and I’ve seen the negative effects art reposts have on other artists and I’m big mad about them, so I decided to make this list. This is gonna be a long post so if you want to be salty with me (or genuinely don’t know why I think art reposting is bad and want to find out) just know that this is gonna be fairly long.

Disclaimer (and I know this may seem obvious so I’m sorry to everyone who already knows but I feel like I have to put this here because I’ve actually seen people confused about this): reposting is not the same as reblogging. Reblogging is a function on tumblr (the little black arrows in a square right next to the like button at the bottom of posts) where you can share an artist’s work to your blog. Reblogging is good because it provides an artist with more exposure, as you probably have people following you that don’t follow them, so the more people who reblog someone’s art the more people see it and the more attention the artist is able to get, and because reblogged art provides a direct link to the original post and the artist’s blog. This way if someone likes an artist’s work they can go directly to the artist’s blog and see if they have more work they like. Reposting (saving someone’s art to your device and uploading it to one of your accounts) is bad because it takes away that direct link to the original artist. This means that is is way harder for the original artist to gain exposure for their art and often leads them to be discouraged when they see a repost of their art that got way more attention than the original, which can make them a lot less motivated to make more art. That out of the way, time to rank reposters.

13) People who directly tag/provide a direct link to the artist and provide proof that the artist allowed them to repost their work/that they allow all their work to be reposted

I don’t actually hate you if you do this. I don’t really understand why you’d want to repost someone’s art instead of just reblogging it or putting a link on your Instagram story, or retweeting it if you’re on Twitter, but by directly linking to the artist and showing that you asked them about it or know for a fact that they’re okay with it, you’ve shown that you respect the time and effort they put into their work so thank you for being a decent human being.

12) People who directly tag/provide a direct link to the artist

Ok so you didn’t actually ask permission (or at least if you did you didn’t let anyone know that you did) so I don’t respect you as much as the people who do ask for permission to repost artwork, but at least you did provide a direct link to the artist so you’re not as bad as you could be.

11) People who provide the artist’s correct username and what platform they’re on but don’t directly link to the artist

Again, good that you provided their username and where to find them, but because you didn’t directly link to the artist, many people will just be lazy and like your post and move on, or like your post because they don’t have whatever social media the artist is on. This takes away notes that should go to the original artist, which frustrates me. I don’t flat out hate you but you’re on thin f*cking ice

10) People who provide the artist’s correct username but don’t specify what platform they’re on

Hey if you do this, especially if you post art that was originally found on another platform, it makes it significantly harder to find the original artist. People are even more likely to just like your post and go on with their days instead of checking out the original artist. This barely counts as credit and you have got to do better.

9) People who credit the wrong person

Usually when people do this it’s an accident, so I don’t hate you nearly as much as some of the other people on this list, but not taking the time to make sure the information about the artist you provided is correct is lazy and shows you don’t respect their work as much as you should. By the way, if you credited the wrong person on purpose so the original artist wouldn’t find out you were reposting, I hate you a LOT more.

8) People who ask the original artist for permission to repost their artwork but don’t actually wait for them to say yes before doing it

If you do this it’s clear that you are entitled and asked the artist for permission not because you actually cared about their answer but because you wanted to be able to say that you asked for permission. It’s clear that you don’t actually respect artists, and I hate you.

7) People who credit the right person but purposefully put a / right after the @ sign so it doesn’t actually tag the original artist

The only reason I don’t hate you for doing this is if the original artist knows you’re reposting their work but specifically said they don’t want to be tagged because they don’t want to deal with the notifications or something like that. If that’s not the reason than you’re likely just doing that so the original artist doesn’t get a notification that they were tagged in a post and thus doesn’t see that you reposted their work. That’s cowardly you’re a coward and a loser and I hate you.

6) People who don’t credit at all, but don’t claim to be the original artist and it’s obvious they’re not

If you don’t even bother to try to credit the artist then it shows you don’t care enough about their labor and just expect an endless supply of art that you can repost and get thousands of notes for even though you didn’t go through the effort of drawing it. I hate you with a passion. Credit artists you sack of sh*t.

5) People who say “credit to the artist!” or “credit to google/pinterest” or “I don’t know who made this but dm me if you do!”

Listen. The fact that you’re only my 5th most hated type of art reposter is not because I don’t hate you on an ASTRONOMICAL level, but because there are (unfortunately!) people who repost in worse ways than you do. “Credit to the artist!” is NOT actually giving credit to the artist because you’re not telling your followers who the artist is!! It’s not credit if you don’t specifically name who it came from!! I see this so much and I hate it I hate you if you do this. Similarly, “credit to Pinterest/google/some other website!” is not credit either!! A website did not draw that art, a person did and I will drop kick you off a cliff for refusing to acknowledge that!! Finally, and I think you can probably see where this is going, “I don’t know who made this but dm me if you do!” is, you guessed it, not crediting the original artist! The fact that you are so lazy as to not find the original artist but you also ask your followers to do it for you? Unbelievable!! The level of entitlement!! And these happen so much!!! I hate you I hate you I hate you.

4) People who repost work from artists who have specifically stated that they don’t allow reposts or who refuse to take down reposted work after the original artist asks them to

If you respect artists so little that you repost their work knowing they don’t want you to or refuse to take down their work after they ask you to, you are a horrible person. That art does not belong to you, you did not take the time to make it, and I HATE you so much for thinking you’re entitled to it. “Well then they shouldn’t have posted it on the internet -” shut UP that’s how they choose to share their talent! Art is art even if it’s not displayed anywhere, but artists who post their art on the internet are kind enough to share their talents with the world. Maybe the artist put their work on the internet so that they can find people interested in commissioning them, which helps provide them with funds that could be necessary to their survival. Or maybe art is something they do for fun that they could very well stop doing because of people like you who feel like they own sh*t just because it was posted on the internet (hint: posting artwork on the internet does not equal consent for everyone to use it)! I hope you have a sh*tty life. I hate you.

3) People who say “I’m not gonna credit, what are you going to do about it?”

If you do this, you’re most likely a troll, and most DEFINITELY an awful awful human being. If I met you in real life I would actually physically fight you regardless of whether I thought I could win or not because I hate you that much. Step on a rusty nail and learn basic respect for people’s time and effort. I hate you. (Also, if the original artist finds out what you’re doing they can at least file for copyright and hopefully get their work taken down. If you’re an artist whose work has been reposted by someone like this I’m deeply sorry for you and hope these reposters get all the sh*tty things they deserve in life).

2) People who pretend to be the original artist even though they’re not

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but definitely not in this case. If you have the AUDACITY to take credit for the work someone else put their time and effort into and accept all the praise and attention that the original artist should be getting, I hate you so unvelievably much. How is it possible to be that awful of a person? You are stupid and I hope you lose your job or something else similarly awful. (Again artists if you have ever experienced this I’m so so sorry for you).

1) People who repost art for the sole purpose of making fun of it

Congratulations, if you do this you are the worst asshole on this list of huge f*cking assholes. Not ONLY are you creating all the usual problems that come with reposting but you ALSO have the nerve to call someone’s art bad?! There is a SPECIAL place in hell for you. Likely if you do this you also make fun of marginalized people or kids, as most “bad art” blogs feature lgbt+ artwork done by lgbt+ people, or art of people of color, or children’s ocs that have like rainbow hair and vampire fangs and wings or something. I don’t CARE how bad you think their anatomy is and I don’t CARE if they have the “calarts art style” or “tumblr art style” the fact that you are taking the time to repost something somebody spent time on and criticize it is despicable and I hate you more than I hate anyone else besides bigoted people. I also don’t care if you think it’s a “joke”, if the original creator of the art ever found your repost it could be really harmful to their self esteem, and could cause them to stop making art, which means they’ll never have a chance to get “better”. Doing this is a personal attack on someone’s passion and I hate you so incredibly much for it. If you want art that you think is good so bad then f*cking make it yourself. What’s that? Oh you don’t make art you just think you could do better even though you’ve never drawn in your life/you just know what “good art” is? Sit down and shut the f*ck up. I hate you.

(Disclaimer #2: this category obviously does not extend to things like art that is racist or transphobic or anything like that. There’s a difference between calling out something that is genuinely harmful and mocking artists for drawing things that make them happy. The former is good the latter is bad.)

Anyways that is my list of art reposters ranked by how much I hate them! If you are any of these kinds of art reposter besides 13, 12 and maybe 11, then congratulations I hate you and hope you have an awful day!

[yeppeojiwrites]

beauty and a beat 5: out of the bag//multigroup crossover

summary: san exposes your secret to the rest of the members of ateez.  

pairings: reader x hongjoong, reader x yunho

word count: 2029

a/n: sorry it took so long for me to update :/ this kinda sucks but the next chapter will be w a y more interesting so !!!! see you guys later!!

(previous / next)

(i got another two for one deal with this gif)

--

reminders!!

plain text is english

bold text is korean

italicized bold text is korean with honorifics

--

The seven boys watched their leader pace back in forth in front of them. He stopped at one end to sigh and pull at his lip with his fingers but quickly walked to the other side and sharply turned and repeated the process. After pacing a few more times, he stopped in his tracks and turned to face his members. 

“So...let me get this straight...(Y/N) is fluent in Korean?” Hongjoong questioned. Everyone turned to look at San. San’s eyebrows furrowed. 

“Why are you looking at me? Yunho’s the one who knows her the best out of all of us.” San defended, causing everyone to turn and look at Yunho. 

“I don’t know what he’s talking about.” Yunho quickly contested.

“You knew what (Y/N) was talking about last night.” San smirked. Everyone’s eyes widened. 

“Wh-what happened last night?” Seonghwa hesitated while nervously looking between San, Yunho, and Hongjoong. 

“They went on a date.” San revealed. Yunho’s eyebrows furrowed as everyone else gasped. 

“It’s not what you think!” Yunho tried to convince his members. San scoffed.

“So....what was it then?” Mingi interjected, encouraging his friend to speak. 

“(Y/N) and I went to a noraebang with Chan and Changbin from Stray Kids, Jimin Park, and Yuqi from G(I)-DLE. Then we came back here and had snacks and then I walked her home.” Yunho responded. 

“Sounds like a date to me~” San sang under his breath. Yunho started to respond but Yeosang cut him off. 

“Let’s just clear all of this up instead of prolonging it. Hongjoong, why don’t you call her and tell her we need her opinions on the choreography for our title track and then we can figure it out then?” Yeosang suggested. 

“This is why we keep you around.” Hongjoong praised Yeosang as he pulled out his phone to call you. 

“Clearly. I’ve barely gotten any lines in our past two albums.” Yeosang mumbled. 

“(Y/N) has been fighting to get you more lines on this album.” Yunho assured the younger male Yeosang. Yeosang nodded. 

“Yeah, I noticed. I got the intro for one of the songs.” Yeosang smiled. 

“Guys, I’m about to call (Y/N) so be quiet.” Hongjoong said. 

--

You were looking for something to eat for lunch when you got a call from Hongjoong. You cocked your head a bit and answered the phone hesitantly. 

“Joong? What’s up?” you asked. 

“I know it’s Sunday and it’s your day off but...we need an opinion on the choreography for our title track. Do you think you can come over and judge for like an hour or so?” Hongjoong asked. 

“Yeah, sure!” you responded. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes. Do you guys want me to get you guys snacks?” 

Hongjoong hummed as he thought. “No, we’re fine.”

“Alright. Like I said, I’ll be there in twenty minutes. Which room are you guys going to be in?”

“We’ll be in the practice room we’re usually in.” Hongjoong informed you.

“Sounds good.” you replied as you grabbed a jacket from your room.  

“I’ll see you later then. Be safe.” You could hear the smile in his voice.

“I’ll try. See you later!” you said before hanging up.

--

When you reached the door of the practice room, you knocked and stuck your head into the room. 

“Hey guys!” you said, causing everyone to turn towards you and fill the room with different variations of ‘hi’s and ‘hey’s and ‘hello’s.  

“Oh, you’re here!” Hongjoong said walking over to you and opening the door so you could enter the room. 

“Are you guys ready or do you still need time?” you asked Hongjoong. Hongjoong shrugged. 

“They’re trying to work out how to style the dance moves but they should be finished soon.” Hongjoong responded. 

“No, you have to move your legs kinda like you’ve been sitting on the toilet for too long and Seonghwa is yelling at you to get out of the bathroom so that he can wash his face before he goes to sleep.” San scolded Wooyoung. You snorted at the statement and tried to suck in your lips to prevent the corners of your mouth from lifting. 

“You have to like swing your arm a little bit like it’s sore from...nightly activities.” Yeosang said to Jongho before swinging his arm loosely at his side. Jongho nodded in understanding and you choked on your spit. 

“Are you okay?” Hongjoong asked. You nodded in between coughs. 

“You understood that, right?” Hongjoong asked. You bit your lip and tried to weigh your options. You could keep up this lie that you’re pretty sure Hongjoong has caught onto or you could just come clean. 

“What gave it away?” you sighed. Hongjoong poked your cheek where your dimple is located. 

“Your dimple showed up after Wooyoung said...what he said...and your dimples only ever show up when you laugh or try to hide your smile. And you choked after Yeosang said...what he said.” Hongjoong replied. 

“You’re very observant.” you nodded. Hongjoong snapped his fingers and got the attention of his group members. 

“She cracked. You guys can stop being weird now.” Hongjoong said. 

“Finally! That was the weirdest thing I’ve ever done in my life.” Yeosang said. 

“Oh good. I was wondering if that was how your rehearsals actually went.” you sighed. 

“Oh, she’s good!” Seonghwa said. 

“I told you guys.” San sighed. 

“You weren’t the one that told everyone?” you asked Yunho. 

“He indirectly told us. He said that the two of you hung out yesterday and he’s not fluent in English so we put two and two together.” Mingi informed you. 

“Tell us, (Y/N): did you and Yunho go on a date yesterday?” San asked, throwing an arm around your shoulders. 

“No, we did not go on a date. We went to a noraebang with some members of Stray Kids, Jimin Park, and Yuqi from G(I)-DLE and afterwards we went to a convenience store and got some honey butter chips and Coca-Cola and we came back here to eat and then Yunho walked me home.” you replied. 

“Isn’t Yuqi from China?” Hongjoong asked. You nodded. 

“(Y/N) can speak Mandarin.” Yunho stated to which you nodded again. 

“My older sister is an artist and animator who does a lot of jobs in China and Taiwan. She met my brother-in-law when she was twenty one years old on a job. After a while, she figured that she would marry him and she pressed me to learn Mandarin so that she wouldn’t be the only one in our family who’s able to communicate with his family.” you responded before unzipping your jacket. 

“Let’s stop talking about my personal life so I can see the choreography!” you cheered and the boys replied with cheers in response as they moved into their starting positions. 

Jongho ran to hit the play button on the music and ran back to his position before the music started. 

“Hey, (Y/N) feel free to walk around us to see the details,” Yeosang yelled before the music started. You nodded before walking near the front. 

The music quickly filled the room and you smiled at the sound of the familiar beats and chords. Over the next few minutes, the song continued and walked around and the room several times. Every time you met eyes with Hongjoong he would wink at you and whenever you met eyes with Yunho he would make the most pseudo-sensual face possible. You felt your cheeks heat up but you played off your feelings by shaking your head and rolling your eyes playfully. 

At the end of the song, some of boys flopped onto the ground and sighed while others walked to the other side of the room to get water. You smiled and clapped. 

“That was really good, guys!” you cheered. You received tired sounds of gratitude. 

“Do you have any tips? Like from a fan’s point of view?” Seonghwa asked between gulps of water. 

“Just a few,” you started. “Keep the same energy throughout the song and control your facial expressions.”

“Facial expressions?” Yeosang asked. You felt two people look at you. 

“Hongjoong and Yunho, save the charisma for the stage, hm?” you said. 

“I can’t believe you two flustered our producer,” Jongho groaned. 

“I’m not flustered.” you said in an unconvincing tone. “You can’t even tell if I’m blushing.” 

“Don’t your cheeks get warm when you blush?” San teased. 

“That doesn’t matter,” you mumbled, causing the boys to laugh. Mingi walked over to you and threw an arm around your shoulder, pinching your cheek with his free hand.

“It’s okay~” he cooed. You smiled and playfully swiped his hand away. 

“Are you guys doing anything later?” you asked. 

“We’re going to practice for a few more hours.” Yeosang responded. “Did you want to stay here and watch?”

You nodded and walked to the other side of the room and sat down. 

“Start practicing!” you encouraged them. They groaned. 

“It’s like having another Hongjoong!” Wooyoung whined. 

The sound of shoes hitting the ground and deep inhales filled the room after a minute and the sound transported you back in time. 

--

“I can’t believe it took them this long to figure it out,” Byounggon’s laugh echoed through the speaker of your phone. “How did you even get away with it for that long?” 

“I would take twenty seconds to read a twelve-syllable phrase and mouth the syllables to make it seem like I was actually trying to figure out what it said.” you revealed before taking a sip from from your fruit punch. 

“You’re an evil genius.” Byounggon praised. 

“I didn’t do it to be mean, I just wanted to make sure that they didn’t hate me before I actually became friends with them.” 

“Does it seem like they hate you?” Byounggon asked. 

“I think they appreciate my presence.” you said in a thoughtful tone.

“What do you mean?” 

“I’m not as mean to the boys as Hongjoong is but we’re both perfectionists. Yeosang and Yunho are really sweet guys and I help San and Wooyoung with their English sometimes. I help Hongjoong and Mingi make sure that their English lyrics are grammatically correct. And I always try to cheer them on whenever I can tell that they’re tired of recording or stressed out about not being able to get a part right.” you elaborated. 

“You’re probably the nicest producer.” Byounggon laughed. You snorted at his answer. 

“That might be true.” you conceded. 

“Do you want to...hm...” he trailed off. 

“Do I want to what?” you teased. He laughed nervously.��

“How would you feel about visiting me at C9 on Saturday and meeting the rest of my members?” he asked. 

“The boys are working on choreography and breath control this weekend. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to visit.” you responded. “Will there be food involved?” you whispered. 

He sighed. “Yes, there will be food involved.” 

“What should I wear?” 

He hummed. “Something casual and weather appropriate. It’s supposed to rain for the entire week.” 

“I’m happy that you care about my safety and the safety of my clothes.” you teased. 

“Of course I care.” he replied in a serious tone.

“Byounggon, I was being sarcastic,” you explained. 

“I know but I just wanted to let you know that I care.” 

You smile. 

“I appreciate the sentiment, Byounggon.” 

“You’re welcome,” the boy responded. “It’s getting late so I’ll hang up soon since you have to wake up early tomorrow.” 

“You wake up earlier than I do,” you sassed. 

“Yes, but I’m older than you.” he reasoned.

“By two years,” you pointed out.

“Yes, I’m two years older than you, making you a child.” 

“I’m not a child.” 

“You aren’t a legal adult here.” he quipped. 

“But I’m an adult at home.”

“But you aren’t at home right now, are you?” you could practically hear the smirk. 

“You’re so annoying,” you mumbled. 

“Oh?” he laughed.

“Hmm, maybe I WON’T come visit you at C9,” you proposed. 

“Okay, fine.” he conceded. 

“Go home soon, okay?”

“All right, kid.” he laughed. 

“Alright, ahjussi.” you laughed before hanging up. You heard a “Hey!” before you hung up. 

It was barely a minute later when you received a text. 

byounggon : i am NOT an ahjussi >:(

(previous / next)

[bantan]

JP FC Vol. 2 - My Biography with BTS: SUGA edition

BTS JAPAN OFFICIAL FANCLUB MAGAZINE VOL.2

Translation @kocchi Raws @szkvr For full images send me a follow request at @szkvr! DO NOT REPOST SCANS ANYWHERE

My Biography with BTS: SUGA edition

A corner to look back on how the members were raised. Volume 2 features the calm and fatherly presence, SUGA!

Growing from a cheeky child to a boy who loved books

I was born in Daegu, the third city of southern South Korea, and raised there until I moved to the capital. I was a very normal child when I was younger. I liked to fool around, so I don’t think my kindergarten teachers liked me very much. (laughs) I remember they’d scold me to “Be careful!” a lot. I liked sports and I was good at running. I was chosen as a relay athlete from primary school all the way to high school. Study-wise, I was above average.

I liked to play with my friends outside when I was young, but that changed as I grew older. You know how when most kids go out, they just gather in the park and don’t do anything in particular? I didn’t like that, so I stayed in my house on the weekends more often. My mother even told me “You should go outside with your friends once in a while.” (laughs)

I have an obsession for collecting things, and when I was young I used to collect tons of books. I wanted to become one of those refined, educated adults, and I was at that age for that kind of behaviour. I read novels, poems, essays, newspapers… mature genres that didn’t suit my age. Also, for some reason, up until middle school I had the habit of reading things from the last page backwards. Even now I read books on occasion. I can process lumps of text at once, so my reading speed is really fast.

My memory of my first love in primary school… doesn’t exist. I really don’t have one. The further you go from Seoul to the rural regions, the more conservative everything is. The boys and girls didn’t talk to each other in the school I went to. Just being near a girl was super embarrassing, so I really didn’t even talk to them.

Started making songs in middle school after meeting hip-hop

The first time I became interested in music was when I saw a Korean artist named Stony Skunk on TV. It was the era of ballads at that time, and on a music show of 18 groups you’d get maybe 10 ballads, 5 idols, and 3 other genres. They were one of those other 3. It was really cool how they were different from the others. I didn’t have any interest in music until then, but thanks to Stony Skunk I started listening to hip-hop and reggae music. I also received influence from Epik High. It was just around then that the MP3 player came out, but I listened to them on my Panasonic CD player.

At the same time I started listening to music like that, I also started to write lyrics. It wasn’t like anyone told me to, but for some reason I felt like I had to. I started making raps in primary school and started making music in middle school. Back then, there was no one around me that liked hip-hop… Now it’s really popular in South Korea again, but back when I started listening it was like an outdated genre from the past. I was probably the only one in the town that rapped. My friends would complain when I rapped at karaoke. You know how hip-hop has gestures where you move your hands? They teased me for that too.

But I’ve always liked hip-hop and I believe it was in my second year of middle school when I stood on the stage for the first time at the school festival. I performed Dynamic Duo’s “Go Back” with a friend. I didn’t like standing in front of other people, but for some reason I felt like I had to at the time. I wanted to show the rap I practiced too… even though I was really bad. (laughs)

I actually wanted to go to an arts high school, so I composed classic songs when I was in middle school. But the school fees were so expensive, I ended up going to a regular high school. I told my father “I’ve already done enough music, so I’ll study hard in high school,” but I didn’t end up doing that. (laughs)

Properly began rapper activities after joining a local crew

In middle school I only composed for my own benefit, as a hobby. I seriously started creating songs after changing my MIDI program. In my first year of high school, I gave my song to a person who was like a teacher to me to listen to, and they really liked it. That was when they introduced me to a hip-hop crew called D-town, which I joined. That song was like a new age beat, a hip-hop beat song like Nujabes. By the way, that teacher who praised me ended up going to Berklee College of Music and is now a music director for movies.

I started rapping properly once I entered the crew. While I had dabbled with rap from primary school, there was no one around me who rapped too so I thought I was the best. (laughs)

So that’s how I started activities in the Daegu underground. But even then I knew that I couldn’t feed myself by doing music underground. Many of the hyungs who did music with me back then were around 10 years older than me, some of them even in their thirties. The hyungs would do part-time jobs as they did music, and that looked really tiring to me. Even during our lives, it was difficult getting 100 people in the audience, and I hated that… I thought if I succeeded, I could be the bridge between the underground scene. There are so many cool people doing music in the underground, I wanted to become famous and put them in a better environment, I wanted the world to know about my hyungs music.

It was at this time that I found out Big Hit was holding an audition in Daegu. The only thing I knew about it was that it was a company the composer Bang Shihyuk had created, but I tried out anyway. The next day, I was immediately informed that I passed. From what I heard later on, he took one look at me and decided I passed right away. Even though I was really bad at rapping then too. (laughs)

An unexpected trainee life after first arriving at Seoul…?

I came to Seoul in my second year of high school on November 7, 2010. I remember it even now.

I joined the company not because I wanted to rap, but because I wanted to compose. That’s why I didn’t have to dance, could leave rapping to the people good at it, and just focus on becoming a producer myself. Yet it ended up completely different, huh? (laughs) Back then, the company planned to have a full rap group rather than an idol group, but that all changed. The members back then were RM, J-HOPE, and me. And also i11even and IRON. If we had debuted like that, I believe our rap would have been good but the group would have failed. (laughs)

The future SUGA aims for as a rapper and producer

The reason why I was able to pursue the path of music like this is hugely thanks to my brother, who is 4 years older than me. He started liking hip-hop because of my influence, but the only person in my family who didn’t oppose me taking the audition was my brother. They didn’t like the fact I was doing musical activities in the first place, and my relatives would say “You, doing music? Study more instead,” to me. That’s why the only one I let listen to the songs I made was my brother. I also told my brother first when I passed the audition. We really get along so well, like best friends. I normally don’t drink alcohol, but the only time I make the exception is to drink with my brother.

Of course, everyone in my family now supports me. The relatives who told me to study now ask for my signature. (laughs)

I still have a desire to do producing activities from here on out. I don’t have any greed towards the centre position, I just want to do music. I don’t have any interest towards the entertainment industry, so while everyone else wants to act or go on variety shows I don’t want to at all. (laughs) But first, I believe BTS has to become number 1 in both South Korea and Japan. And I want to aim to be the best in both rapping and producing. It may take some time, but we have to do it.

BTS JAPAN OFFICIAL FANCLUB MAGAZINE VOL.2

Translation @kocchi Raws @szkvr For full images send me a follow request at @szkvr! DO NOT REPOST SCANS ANYWHERE

[incognitowetrust]

I am a selfish person. Long incoherent rambling time.

There’s no way to get this out in a well written thing without taking fucking forever. 

But it’s something that bothers me about myself. Actually, I just wrote a thing in a Discord chat, and I’m basically gonna copy-paste the damn thing because I don’t want to rewrite the whole thing. I’ll add a bit more on than the initial thing though. 

I usually don't vent, but I'm just gonna do a small one because I feel like mentioning it to someone. A friend person I made recently is on the spectrum like me and around the same age, and she's nice and all, but I have the same problem with her that I've noticed I have with some other people, and it makes me feel awful and also annoys the fuck outta me. Her drawing style is pretty basic, and I'm happy to see people get excited about their characters but her characters aren't technically interesting, and she messages a lot and recently I did say "hey listen I'm not gonna reply to every message" because I like to be upfront about that shit just so people know... but anyway, it's hard to describe, but she falls into like a specific type of person that I can relate to and still have love for but I find myself wanting to avoid and I can't actually grow off of them. 

Like... it's awful because it reminds me of when I was like ages 13-15 and actually learning social things that other people already knew just because of me lacking friendship experience and only just having made artist friends, and I cringe at my past self but understand it at the same time, and I have to be understanding towards people because I understand what it's like to be there, and I always want to be the person I needed when I was younger. But... I mean... is it selfish to pick and choose who I "like" based on standards like... "experience" and "skills"? I mean, I often haven't been brave enough to interact with "cool" people anyway, but... fuck, I wiiish that I couuuld be liike the coool, kidsss, like the coool kiiiids.

I wonder if some of my feelings relate all the way back to elementary school, I was often paired with this one autistic girl, who I didn't have anything against (though tbh she did have some gross habits and she was hard to talk to at a young age), she and I were always the slowest in PE, always the quiet lonely kids, always the kinda pudgy and awkward girls, and I guess I felt myself pushing away from her not because I didn't like her but because of my strong sense of wanting my own identity and didn't want to always be stuck with her "just 'cuz" she was the only partner who was left over when other kids made partners.

Something that I also wonder is, well, I have an older sibling on the spectrum, but diagnosed early. I was diagnosed at 18. My parents have always tried to be fair as far as making sure we both get the attention we needed, but still, I was pretty much the older sibling because for much of our childhoods my sister and I did everything together, and I was very protective of her. The only reason I have ever punched anyone was because someone stole her glasses and I punched the girl to get them back after trying to politely reason didn’t work. We were so close, but somewhere around puberty I started breaking off from her, I became more and more hungry for my own identity, and our interests and activities grew apart as well. At this point in my life, I don’t really chat with my sister much, or do a ton of sisterly activities with her, and I think I basically avoid her because I don’t want to get mad at her for stupid little pet peevey reasons. I admit, there’s some of me that resents that I’ve had to make sacrifices because of her, I could never hum or sing because of her sound sensitivity, and nowadays sometimes I have to be the one to receive a text to relay a message to my sister because she often either doesn’t notice texts, or doesn’t have her phone on at all. I remember in 2016 in the past, it was around the peak of a shitty time in my life, a school staff member came up and asked how my sister was doing and what she was doing. I was salty and grumpy, and basically said “I don’t know” and “I don’t really care” because I’m not her damn babysitter, and if it’s SO important to ya, lady, you can probably just email her. Though, oh yeah, my sis hadn’t always checked her emails either. 

Look, I’m not gonna act like I don’t have my problematic quirks. I do take out garbage and vacuum, but I avoid problems even if I remember there’s something I’m supposed to do, and I procrastinate. It’s also very easy for me to forget or ignore something unless it’s right under my nose, but I admit, often it’s just me acting out of avoidance. 

Something that I think I’ve developed is... I have a huge want to love and be loved in return, I want to take care of people and feel like I matter to someone, but on the other hand besides my mom and a few adults rocking pulling me through life I’ve kinda picked up on behaviors of “Other people have problems. They gotta be taken care of. I should help. I am lazy and not all that troubled anyway, so I don’t need to share my problems with others.” ... I want to take care of others and be a good listener, but I resent it at the same time. I resent that while I’m out trying to take care of people, I don’t feel like I can be vulnerable and let someone take care of me. Because I also don’t want to let myself be vulnerable and rely on someone enough so that if I made a “friend” and lost them that I’d be legit hurt. 

I’m left with even more weird feelings about myself, remembering and considering things I know about my own family members now that I didn’t know the same about when I was young, like my mom, who I credit as being the most important person in my life, she’s the oldest of 5. She was really another parent. Look, I don’t care how close your family is, or how loving they are, when ya got a big family, the oldest child becomes another parent. And they lived in Saudi Arabia for a while, where at one point the family got in a bad car accident and my gramma was wheelchair bound and immobile, and though my mom lost use of one of her arms for a while she took up the brunt of a lot the taking-care-of-people work. She’s badass, but so many responsible people, as much as suffering builds character, there’s a lot that so many people like this shouldn’t of had to do. My aunt Santos (partner of one of my aunts) was the “tough” child... sure, her parents can praise her for never having to give her help, but it doesn’t matter how “normal” or how “capable” you are, everyone should be able to feel like they can be vulnerable and be taken care of sometimes. Something I’ve come to try and remember a lot is you never know what pain people are actually going through, so while I do want to take care of myself, I always ask my mom when she comes home how her day was. She’s mentioned to me in the past that as a parent there’s the dilemma of “do I show I’m troubled so my child knows I’m human and it’s okay to be upset, or do I hide my troubles for the sake of their comfort?” ... but now that I’m older, I assume this gave a lot more leeway for me to be a listener. She still takes care of me way more than I take care of her, but I do things with her and listen to her in ways that my sister doesn’t necessarily do automatically. 

I guess back to more of the original subject, I’ve actually had a friend for many years now, or at least I’ve certainly known them for many years and we became friendly a little later, she isn’t diagnosed with autism, but she still fits in the category of “nice people who I sometimes want to avoid for some reason”. It’s awful, this person has great respect for me, and we even made a couple OCs together, but I’ve had times sitting here in my chair wondering “how do I respond to this?” or “Should I feel bad I’m not as excited about this one thingy as she is?” and “Aw man I wanna talk to someone. No, not you right now. I’m being a choosing beggar.” like who the fuck do I think I am to not be loving on this person who only holds me in the highest of regards?? 

But here’s the thing I guess. No matter what, there are a few important things in friendships, or really any relationship. Communication, and mutual enjoyment. It doesn’t have to be the choice fault of one or both people that something doesn’t like up, often people just don’t line up. I mean, lots of romantic relationships end not because people hate each other but because two perfectly decent people feel hungry for something else. As long as I treat people with basic human respect, I can’t be too hard on myself can I? There’s so so many people I could choose to have as the few I have regular conversations with at a time, but I tend to fall into routines, and there’s only so much time in the day, so this impacts my social capabilities a lot. I can only talk to people how I want to talk to people on my own time. I wish I could hear everyone’s stories and carry a small piece of them around with me all the time, but it’s tiring as fuck, man. 

I want to be around people who inspire me so badly I am thrown into euphoria, the rare euphoria I only get when I have a friendly interaction with someone I didn’t think would have the time or interest to notice me. I technically have really good reading, writing, and drawing skills, but I need to push myself, I need people to bounce off of so I feel motivated to impress and not be lazy. I’m constantly starved for that stimulation and positive reinforcement. 

I’ll end this here I suppose. 

[miraakhan]

10 reasons why Thugs of Hindostan failed

This is not a film review. This is a critique of all the unwarranted criticism Thugs has garnered, which has been so extreme that part of me wonders if it’s all somewhat premeditated. But conspiracy theories aside, nothing evokes such vitriolic more than challenging the Indian people’s implicit prejudices. Which ones? Well, where do I even start. Here are just the top 10 prejudices reasons why this perfectly acceptable movie is getting unacceptable levels of hate...

1.       Because Indians are racists

How many Pirates of the Caribbean movies did they make again? And how many of them flopped at the Indian box office? I assure you, nobody was complaining about ‘illogical’ stuff in those movies. Why, because those movies were made by white and not brown people? Mind you the same junta will go watch Guy Ritchie’s Robin Hood this weekend and come out all praise for its fantastical, logic-defying action sequences. But since he’s a gora, well.. as Khudabaksh Jahazi says – “Ek Hindustani ka sabse bada dushman ek Hindustani hi hota hai.” 

2.       Because Indians are sexists

There are two female protagonists in the movie. And needless to say that is just two too many for the patriarchal junta of India. How dare they have a female character who is not a damsel in distress, but instead is a terrific archer and kicks total ass?!? To top that, how dare they have the other one be a prostitute with clear agency over her body, a rebellious mind of her own, and wield actual power over her male patrons? Nope, that’s just too much for desi pricks to handle, isn’t it? Also, given Aamir’s very vocal support of the #MeToo movement in India, I won’t be surprised if the social media attack on the movie was an orchestrated effort to hurt him for it.

3.       Because Indians are ageists

This is a country that clearly still idolizes youth and still hasn’t seen life expectancy go up like in the developed world. So how ridiculous to have a septuagenarian play one of the leading heroes, isn’t it?!? How utterly unbelievable to have said man look his exact age too, maybe even older. Mind you this is the country that happily sits through heavy-duty special effects just to have Rajni in a movie look half his age, because who the hell would ever come to theaters to watch Rajni the way he truly looks like now? 

4.       Because Indians are casteists

I hadn’t thought of this myself until an article in the Indian Express pointed it out. Firangi Malhar – Aamir’s character is clearly what one would call a ‘low-born’ hailing from an oppressed social and economic background. But that simply won’t do, will it? Did the movie makers really expect Indians to root for a… a Dalit? How dare they force us to confront our deep-rooted casteist prejudices like that, when all we want to do is enjoy a movie on a long weekend?

5.       Because Indians are religious bigots

And let’s not forget the other sacrilegious decision the movie makers now live to regret… to have three out of the four main protagonists be Muslim?! Oh my God. Literally. Keep in mind who this country voted into power five years ago and probably will again next year – a Hindu fundamentalist wannabe-dictator with a track record of supporting communalist elements in his own party. Here’s what’s funnier but also sad: the villains are more secular than the audiences of this movie. The British are actually celebrating Dussehra, and even if it’s nothing more than cultural appropriation, it’s still more religiously tolerant than Indians these days. 

6.       Because Indians are self-righteous hypocrites

The self-righteousness dripping from some of the reviews I read online is both laughable and infuriating. What about the word “Thugs” did these apparently literate guys not understand? Protagonists can be regular people too you know, and regular people are not perfect. The heroes in this story aren’t trying to be heroes, nor do they claim to want anything more than their very deeply personal objectives – revenge, resolving internalized guilt etc. In fact, the only person who ends up risking everything without any personal agenda, is Suraiyya Jaan. But does the desi audience appreciate the multidimensional complexities of these very human characters? Noooo. In a period movie set during the colonial era, desi heroes better be a sati savitri, or sata savitra, or they might as well be villains.

 7.       Because Indians are stereotypers

So if the Indian audience is to be believed, stereotyping morons that they are, Aamir Khan should only do movies with a social message in them and nothing else. He’s an actor for god’s sake, why can’t he just do a movie for the sheer entertainment value of it? He has repeatedly said so in his interviews, to the very same media people who now completely choose to ignore his pleas to just let him be an artist. The fact that he is socially responsible is a huge bonus that we should all be bloody grateful for, not use it to put him in a box that restricts his creative instincts. (And if some of you are now arguing that I’m doing the same thing, stereotyping all Indians as the same, well I’m sorry. I know I’m doing it, but at least now you know how it feels.)

8.       Because Indians are ungrateful

How quickly everyone seems to have forgotten the immense contributions Aamir and Mr. Bachchan have made to Bollywood. And this isn’t unique to the film industry. Indians are just as ungrateful to their sports idols, refusing to acknowledge that sportspeople, like actors, are only human. Everyone is bound to have bad days. So what if Yuvi doesn’t perform today, why let it erase the memory of the six sixes he hit in Durban ten years ago? How is it okay to insult and deride this man who is trying his best? It’s especially hurtful when it happens to Aamir because he’s been incredibly selfless in his attempts to improve quality of life in India. Sadly, Aamir, this society does not appreciate, let alone be grateful for, your activism, or your artistry.

9.       Because Indians are group-thinking morons

I don’t know if this is particularly true for desis or just a human trait in general. But it’s particularly hilarious to see it play out on social media. The lack of individual thought is sorely evident in all the reviews and trolls I read online. Also, newsflash, if all you do is retweet, reblog, and forward, you might as well be a mindless bot spreading fake news but adding no value to the discourse whatsoever. If you have a contrarian opinion (like maybe you actually liked the movie) but are too afraid to share it, why have a social media page at all? And for God’s sake, if you never saw the movie, shut the fuck up.

10.   Because Indians are trolls

Years of repression is likely responsible for this surge in social media trolling in India, but come on, you can only understand and excuse this behavior for so long. These trolls seem to have taken special interest in bringing down our biggest heroes and mind you, Aamir truly is a hero in real life – the kind we sorely need. And yet, for the very same reasons, he seems to have a target on his back, especially on the internet where cowards attack him while hiding behind anonymity. No matter what their agenda (jealousy, SRK stans, an episode of SMJ hit too close to home), they seem intent on holding Aamir personally responsible for shortcomings of the movie. I’ll admit Thugs isn’t perfect but none of its faults are the actors’ fault. Either way, I don’t think they’re doing it mindlessly. Like I said before, I strongly suspect an orchestrated conspiracy to bring the movie down. Why? Well, take your pick. Aamir has definitely pissed off a lot of people who want to keep the status quo. 

[musicalmukebox]

Let’s Get (Back) Together | l.h. (11)

Ctto of the gif!

AU: Parent Trap Dad!Luke

Summary: A strong love which led to a strong marriage and twin daughters. Yet in the end, it didn’t turn out so well. You strongly refuse to encounter him ever again. But what happens when both of you coincidentally send your twin daughters to the same summer camp in Florida after 10 years?

Word Count: 6.1k

Warnings: swearing, fighting, mentions of anxiety, anxiety attacks, bad overthinking, angst

(LONG) A/N: YES LOVES, I AM BACK FROM THE DEAD AKA COLLEGE LIFE!! First, Youngblood has dropped, alongside my panties and well-being. Second, I missed writing, yet I don’t know how consistent nor the scheduling of posting will go, so stay alert and maybe turn on those notifs!! I kinda had mental block for this one, so I do hope you still enjoy this! By the way, I’ll be using the gif above for the past and remaining chapters for easier distinguishing when I come up in any of the tags you search in. I love you all, especially those who’ve stayed!!

I don’t own Parent Trap and its ideas. It’s only used as inspiration.

1 / 2A / 2B / 2C / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14

Feedback/Questions/Others? Here.

-

2021, Los Angeles

“Shit, I’m nervous.”

“Don’t be, she’s kind!”

Here you are again, nervous of meeting another set of Luke’s loved ones, or maybe just one person in particular. “But Sierra Deaton is up there, being in the music industry for so long and I’m still starting out ya know.” You say, intimidated by her career so far.

Where were you both exactly? At the balcony of this club in LA, where a Miss Sierra Deaton would be performing her last show of her mini USA tour. Surprisingly, you haven’t met her considering that she is a very close friend of the band, but she is a busy artist after all and you didn’t really mind because you begin to relate. Luke did say she was a kind woman, yet you mind lets your drift into a different direction, letting you get access the worst thoughts possible.

“Babe,” Luke, seated right beside you, puts his hand on top of yours, feeling the nerves shaking in your body. “She’s been there and gets it. Trust me on that, alright?” Giving him a reassuring nod, the lights begin to dimmer and fans from the mosh pit below begin to scream in excitement.

“Woo, let’s go!” Ashton from behind your seat cheers, followed a giddy Michael. “Fucking start already!” He joked, in which Crystal reacted by hiding her face with her hand and looking down as everyone around you were laughing, even you too. Some fans from the pit noticed that voice, and were going nuts to find you guys up there. But it was short-lived when the first notes of Don’t Hurt played, shifting their attention to the stage, wherein low and behold, there she was. A mic on one hand and smiling wide.

“LA, make some noise!”

Swaying her hips along to music before opening up, she harmonized well with the backup singers. You were singing along, enjoying the lively vibe in the room. When she lit the room more with a smile.

“Luke’s right, self. No need to worry.”

-

“Ah, boys!!” You entered Sierra’s dressing room along with the others to see her unwinding in the couch with some wine. Getting up, she patiently gives her hellos and hugs to everyone, leaving you last. Upon your turn, she gasps lightly in awe.

“Finally, we’ve met, Miss (Y/N)!” She wraps her arms around you for a hug, which was a reassuring surprise. She was a lot shorter than you, you noticed. “Luke has told me so many great things about you.” 

“Oh, he has?” You glanced at the blondie by your side, blushing. “I might’ve gotten carried away too.” 

“You got him so whipped, hun.” She teased, making Luke fake a pout before he laughs along.

“I guess so? Also, it’s nice to finally meet you as well, Sierra.” You say, sounding as if you were questionable as you replied. “You performed so well awhile ago!” You praised, making her chuckle. 

“Thank you very much! And to celebrate,” She takes hold of the wine bottle alongside some spare glasses by the table beside her. “Want some sangria?” 

It took a simple nod then a loud “Cheers!” with everyone else there to release your nerves out. At some point, you lost count of how much glasses of Sangria you’ve drank and got a bit buzzed. Eleanor was telling a story about how she and Calum had a mini vibrator war during the recent MTV awards.

“Wait, what the fuck?!” Crystal belt out, laughing. “Was that why you squirmed a lot when you were seated with me?” Eleanor only blushing, nodding.

“I’m not surprised honestly.” Ashton added on.

“So that’s why Calum had a hard-on during our acceptance speech!” Luke says in realization, shaking his head at a red Calum, suffering from embarrassment. “I’m sorry I can’t really help what happens down there!”

“Kinky shits!” You ratted out, chugging those remaining contents of your glass. This led to a flushing feeling down there, urging you to let it out. 

“Excuse me, guys,” You stood from the couch, grabbing your phone with a little wobble. “I must urinate.”

“Wow, so formal.” Brianna joked.

“She acts that way when she’s drunk.” Luke exposed, making you slap his shoulder slightly. “Hey!” He fake winced, giving a little pout.

“Don’t shade me like that!” Brushing your hair to the back flamboyantly, you quickly leave the room, pacing in search of a restroom. “Ah here!” You breathe with relief as you turned to the right and pulled the door open. 

Let’s not go into detail on your session in the stall. But it was relieving and you were ready to drink a few more. After all, Luke is the designated driver tonight. Sliding your stall door open, your eyes gleamed at surprise at the sight of Sierra, arms crossed as she leaned behind the marbled cement where the faucets were located. Her facial expression was hard to decipher, yet you maintained respectful.

“Oh hey, Sierra.” You greeted instantly, trying to hide your sudden redness of cheeks. 

“Oh cut off the crap, yeah?” She hissed, walking towards yourself as you begin to walk back. When you stopped at your tracks by the wall, she pointed her finger at you. “How much is he paying you?”

You were dumbfounded at this girl’s harshness. “Excuse me, but nothing!” You pushed her back, controlling your anger and non-sobriety. “What’s your problem? Luke told me you’re a kind girl.”

She laughed at the comment, stepping closer to you once more, like what the fuck? “Oh love, I am. It’s just that,” She was eyeing you up and down in utter disgust. “The past girls Luke’s been with were always PR stunts. Luke never fell in love with any of them, except his ex Arzaylea and she hurt him. Badly.“ 

“How the hell would you compare me to her? You just met me!”

“If there’s something I’m good at, it’s reading people, and you, Miss (Y/N), are an attention-seeking slut who wants to rank up high in the acting industry!” She shouted in anger. 

“Keep that fucking anger in you quiet unless you want someone to catch us!” You motioned your hands downward, signaling her to keep her voice down. Rolling her eyes, she spoke up again, but quietly.

“You don’t deserve him.” At her tone and shaking of her head, her mood is easily interpreted.

“And you do? Hun, jealousy is not a good look on you.” Your confidence rose up, being down to get closer to her. “If he wanted you, you both would have been together and I’m still hustling at a successful career, which is something I’m aiming for.” Inhaling deeply, “He chose me, not you. Why bother, yeah?” Fluttering your lashes in innocence, you swerved against her, pulling the door open. “This isn’t over, (Y/N). The tables will turn, and I didn’t want you to watch my show! I was trying to avoid you!” She threatened.

“Well sorry Sierra, but Luke brought me along. That’s already a sign of failure, but thanks for trying!” You sassed, banging the door closed. This buzzed state of yours always brings the confidence you lack, and you were hella aware of your worth, not taking shit from anyone.

Yes, you were right earlier with your initial thoughts on this girl. Your mind tells you to tell Luke, but your heart says to keep that feud between you and Sierra since they’ve been friends for so long and you don’t want to be a friend-wrecker.

“The latter it is.”

-

2034, Los Angeles

“Ahh, it’s today!” Stella beamed as she tied the shoelaces of her converse. “I get to watch perform live with uncle Mikey, Cal and Ash!”

It was finally Saturday, the day of the band’s show in the Forum. As much as you didn’t want to confess, you were pretty excited to watch them because it’s a reunion too. But one thing is standing your way into enjoyment: Sierra. But whatever, what matters here are your daughters and enjoying the night with them with good music, having more family time.

“Becks texted, they’re outside!” She says, running to the front door and opening it excitedly to reveal a black van. The vehicle slid open, seeing her fellow identical seated in beside Luke. Following right behind her as you grew nearer to the entrance, you gave a wave at the Aussies.

“Hi poppet and Luke.” You say upon entering the car, taking the row of seats behind the Rebecca and Luke alongside Stella. Upon settling down, the driver continued its job to head to the Forum.

“Hi (Y/N), hey bub!” He reaches behind his seat to give a short, side hug to Stella, who did the same. He also ruffled her hair much to her annoyance. “Ah dad, stop! Oh and hey loser!” As she wiggled away from Luke’s grasp, she gave a high five to Rebecca, who initiated their handshake. The same handshake of Becks and Luke with air guitar playing in the end. “Hiya brat, hey mom!” Rebecca says, giving a kiss on your check.

At the moment, you didn’t really like the way they addressed each although you did that with your friends, even with the band. But they are sisters after all, they got to be nice. “Girls, be nice.” Luke addressed, having thought of the same things as you.

“Oh come on, dad! Those were our nicknames back in camp.” Stella addresses. “Well, when we hated each other.” Becks added.

“Wait, you hated each other?” Luke gasped, making the girls look at each other dumfounded, initiating them to tell the full story of their camp shenanigans. “Shit Becks, was Stella the girl whom you dared to jump the lake commando?”

Knowing now the full story made you proud of their character developments, putting aside their personality differences and joined together in order to make this reunion possible. As for Luke, he’s very glad to see the other half of his family despite everything. If only it wasn’t this way. Much to your surprise, the story telling lasted until you arrived the venue, seeing all these different fans of different ages lined up at the entrance. Proud was an understatement. Even after more than 20 years, they’re still very popular to the younger generations.

When the car halted near the backstage doors and got out, you began to feel nervous, shaking out goosebumps. Luke caught that moment from you just as he told the twins to behave properly as they entered backstage. “Are you okay, (Y/N)? I just saw you shake out some nerves or something.”

“Y-Yeah, it’s just pretty cold.” Luke knew you were lying straight away by the way you were breathing heavily and your eyes kept looking around.

“You can be honest with me, you know?”

Darn, he’s good. “I just don’t know how the others will react, like suddenly I cut off ties with them for so long. I think they’re still mad at me.” You overthink, getting goosebumps again.

“Hey, don’t say that.” Luke comforts, putting his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it a bit. “They miss you, and would never do that. But if something happens, I’ll handle it.” Nodding him instead of speaking another word, he leads you to the backstage. Surprisingly, a lot of backstage crew remembered you from way before, giving their hellos and small talk. You were afraid that they could say something already before even seeing your old group of friends, but Luke has your back by discreetly telling the crew to keep it a secret for now.

A good 20 minutes later, you somehow encountered and hear Rebecca giving a similar kind of Luke’s pep talk to Stella in a private part of the backstage. “But what if they don’t like me, Becks? I practically lied to them by acting like you, which isn’t a good impression.”

“Stella, they will like you! I have a feeling they missed you after so long, and besides, I’ll be here when you get nervous.” Rebecca reassures, giving her twin a tight hug before they see you and Luke during their special moment.

“You guys ready?” Luke asks, specifically to you and Stella whether you’re prepared to head further to the backstage area of the boys. You still were speechless, so you just nodded and trying to regain your calmness. “Yup, dad!” Stella expressed quietly with excitement.

Walking a few more steps and getting closer got your heart racing and thoughts running all over your head, you just kept thinking of all these different bad scenarios of what could happen and just wanted to get it over with. Stella, who was beside you, noticed the way you crinkled your eyes repeatedly and gives a squeeze on your hand. “You’ll be okay, mom. No need to panic.”

You just returned a squeeze, mouthing “thank you”. Luke was also getting pretty tense upon heading to the band backstage room, unsure of everyone’s reaction, especially Sierra. Oh shit, her. Not bad or anything he thinks, though he’s always sensed some tension between you two but he couldn’t be too sure. As he sees the sign “Band” on a door, everything felt more intense. Thank the heavens that the door was closed because it gives more time for everyone to relax.

“Well, we’re here.” He begins. “Rebecca and I can go inside first, then I’ll spill everything on your behalf so you can calm down. Is that okay?”

“Sure, dad. Go on ahead so we can get this show started!” Stella answered for you, still holding your hand. Luke gives a nod before he shifts the knob of the door to the right, letting the door open frontwards. Everyone, from the boys and their wives with the kids, was just talking and goofing around, but at the sight of Luke and Rebecca, they cheered in relief.

“Finally, you two are here!”

“God Luke, where have you been? We need our frontman!”

“It’s about time you both arrived!”

Rebecca paid respect by giving hugs and cheek kisses to her aunts and uncles, then waves at the different kids while Luke shares a laugh at their banter before he gets serious. “Sorry, guys. But, I have an excuse.”

“You got occupied with a Miss Sierra Deaton?” Michael joked, which was a struggle for Rebecca to not act disgusted.

“Nice try, Mikey, but we didn’t arrive together. I was late because instead of riding with you guys, I took a detour and brought a few other guests for tonight’s show.” Everyone’s interest peaked, dense as to what this blondie was up to.

“Who did you bring then?” Calum asked, crossing his arms. Rebecca looked back at Stella who was relatively a bit near to the door but not near enough to be seen by them, gesturing to come here. “Come here, brat!” Her relatives were confused, wondering how special this person was to her. Stella was hesitant, but she didn’t want to keep them waiting. “Wait here, mom. I’ll start.”

Stella gives a nod, but before making a move, Rebecca speaks up first before she enters. “This person is someone who I grew to love in a short span of time, almost like we’re the same.” With this pun, Stella comes inside the room with a hoodie to cover her face at first from everyone and also facing down.

“There’s no need to be shy, bub.” Luke remarks, which has the adults begin to create assumptions of who this could be, especially since they are aware that Luke only gives that nickname to one person. The kids were pretty excited to know who this was because this felt so new. Stella eventually gave in, unveiling the hood and tilts her head up to show herself. Just to add, she was right beside Rebecca. Everyone was just astonished, hands in their mouths and gasps.

“Am I tripping or is that-“ 

“Stella?” Bryana cuts off Ashton, still frozen at the sight of her goddaughter. Stella nodded, urging Bryana to approach her vicinity. She kneeled to her height. “I’ve missed you so much.” 

Stella didn’t speak but instead gave her a heartfelt hug. “I’m Bryana, by the way. I’m your godmother.” Bryana introduces herself mid-hug. Letting go, “Oh, I know who you are, actually everyone. Well, except the godmother part, aunt Bryana.”

“What do you mean?” She asks, then by instinct, the twins looked at each other with mischievous smirks.

“Well,” Rebecca starts. “It all began when we met at camp.”

“Then we figured ‘hey why not swap so we get meet the loved ones of our mom and dad?’, which brings us to today.” Stella finishes.

As everyone tried to comprehend the situation, “So wait, if Stella was whom we had these past weeks,” Ashton pondered.

“That meant Becks was wi-“

“Me.” Eleanor was cut off by your entrance to the room, which made everyone hitch their breaths. Upon hearing your daughters talk, you knew they couldn’t do this alone, so you straightened out your nerves and just went for it. This also went Luke, whom you could easily spot the hesitation he felt with the whole explanation thing going on because it was too much to handle.

“Oh my god, (Y/N).” Crystal says, covering her mouth in surprise. Eleanor is speechless then ran to your vicinty and gave a tight hug, which you returned with a flinch. She was your best friend, and it gutted you both to have cut those ties. Well actually, you had the scissors. “I fucking missed you, (Y/N).” She blurted out, sniffling a bit as she felt all these various emotions running her veins at a fast pace.

“I missed you so much too, Eleanor.” You couldn’t contain yourself either as you respond, your voice cracking as you say those words. Eleanor’s strong movement undoubtedly created a domino effect, which led the other boys and girls to give their hellos. Surely yes, Luke was pretty nervous on bringing you along, seeing this happen first-handedly marveled him, in fact much better than he thought. The vibe felt casual, no grudges withheld and fulfillment to be reunited with a loved one.

“You haven’t changed a bit!” Crystal compliments. 

“You ey, found out that you have a new film out soon!” Ashton addressed, handing you a red cup with some sort of alcohol in it. 

“Yeah! Take Me or Leave Me, it’s out next week.” You plugged. Catching up slowly with life updates, laughing along to Michael and Calum’s random jokes, you unexpectedly recalled a weird sensation from when Eleanor hugged you earlier.

“You got a hard core over there, Eleanor. Been working out?”

She laughed, shaking her head. “I wish! I’m actually pregnant, babe!” You dropped your jaw, gasping “Oh my God!” and giving your congratulations. As different conversations between you and your old set of friends flowed coherently, not running out of ideas, and even getting to reintroduce yourself to some of the young children, 

“Hey guys!” A tanned woman calls out as she enters inside the room, making everyone freeze. Especially you, because the voice was all too familiar. Luckily, you were facing backwards.

“Oh hi babe.” Luke greets, giving her a peck on the cheek. Everyone could just feel the awkward tension in the room, emitting twisted grins and widened eyes. 

“Are you guys okay? It’s like you saw a ghost or something?” No one could respond, but you did by turning your back. A bold move indeed, but it could save everyone’s misery.

Sierra gasped before she crossed her arms before giving an all too fake smile on you, in which everyone else interprets it as just a surprised smile.

“Oh my, (Y/N)!” She exclaimed, still stood on the same position.

“Hello, Sierra.” You waved and smiled back, trying your best to be as genuine as you could be. You were more genuinely fake though. Things could get worse from here, but thankfully, one of the show managers came through.

“Show starts in 5, boys!” Sighing in relief, Luke scrambles to get his guitar, while was then followed by the other boys. As for the girls, they begin to head out and bring their kids to the designated family area of the Forum where they will watch the show. Eleanor tapped your shoulder, “Ready to go?”, hand in hand with Nick.

“Yeah, sure! Rebecca and Stella!” You called the two girls, who were in deep conversation with Alex. “Later, mom! We’re still talking!” Stella replied.

“Alex is pretty surprised that Stella and I switched. So we’re pretty much explaining everything in full.” Rebecca giggles. Letting it slide, you vacated the room with Eleanor and continued to talk about anything that you could think of, yet the topic of Sierra is the dominant one. “Well, that was awkward, huh?”

“Kinda? I mean, I really don’t care about whatever they have going on.” You casually shrugged off.

“Oh really? Might’ve felt some jealousy in the air.”

“Whatever, Eleanor. As long as they’re happy, I’m fine. Besides, what matters now to me now is our daughters.” You flatly say.

“If there is something I know about you, (Y/N), your drive for success is strong. You would never let anything you love just pass. And you are mischievous as well.” She trailed off with those words before getting to the area and hearing the excited squeals of different fans.

Meanwhile for Luke, he was unlucky to get in an argument begun by Sierra, who was furious and confused with what she saw, but one thing is for sure: Luke was heavily and soberly involved.

“How did you and her meet again? Why did you even bring her tonight? Just why is she back in our lives?” She believes that she deserves to feel the way she’s feeling because she was there to comfort Luke after the divorce, serving as his rock. 

“It’s a long story babe, which I will explain later. Now please,” He put his hand on her shoulder, moving her to the side. “I have a show to play.” He says, sounding rushed as ever before running to the entrance of the stage. Sierra was beyond pissed, throwing a mini tantrum at his sudden change of mood. A change which occurred when you entered back at his life.

“That fucking bitch.” Bringing out her phone and dialing a familiar mobile number, she puts the device her ear, smirking like the devil as she thinks through what she intends on doing next after this sudden confrontation.

“Hello, Miss Deaton. It’s been a long time.”

“Lovely to talk to you again, Perez. Now, I have a story for you.”

-

“All my life I've been waiting for moments to come, when I catch fire and watch over you like the sun..”

You and the other girls were singing along and bopping your heads to the current song being played, enjoying the good vibes being spread. As much as you can, you stayed away from the public eye which was pretty successful so far, but mostly from Sierra. Dancing along with the twins and even cheering some lyrics out like before, it honestly felt like it was the early 2020’s again. You just haven’t felt this euphoria from a concert in so long.

Ending Catch Fire, the boys took sips of water and beer before they interacted with their audience, loud and proud. “Alright, Los Angeles!” Ashton rekindled an old meme, jumping out also from his chair and holding out his drum sticks momentarily before resting his bosom down again.

“How we feeling tonight, LA?” Luke hyped, combing his locks with his hands to get a better view of the crowd. They roared in excitement, the kind of reaction the band was used to. For sure with a catchy song like Catch Fire, another catchy song will follow up. But this setlist was different compared to the past.

“Thank you for the love, everyone! Now how about we tone the mood down a bit? Release some hidden angst in us.” Calum smoothly caressed his words, making sure his usage of different words was correct. The venue lights dimmed down, a single spotlight focused on Luke as he plucked on some guitar strings.

“We have never played the song live ever, and it’s an oldie too.”

“It makes everything more exciting, Luke. People wanted us to hear those underrated songs, so it’s a start! Besides, we need to give the people what they want!” Michael exclaimed, frenzying the fans to just reveal this song. Luke chuckled, mustering up his emotions before talking. Most especially as he saw you watching, distracting his focal point which was the audience.

As for you, you were unaware of it all. It was just like a regular concert with the band cracking jokes and playing their greatest hits. Another thing you were unaware of was that Sierra saw everything happen between Luke and you, well mostly him. She really tried to shrug it off, but every time they lock eyes, it was for a split second before he looks away and continues strumming his guitar. Jealousy was spicing up her veins.

“It’s an oldie from the Sound Good, Feels Good era, and surprisingly, it took a few runs before we fully remembered how to play it. One of my favorite songs of angst.” He paused for a moment, looking down and avoiding a gaze at anyone. He knew he was used to gigs like this, but now, it felt different because you were in the audience after all this time.

Recalling every lyric of it, he knew the meaning wholeheartedly. It was a risk he was willing to take to entertain the fans.

“This is Story of Another Us.” 

The audience were astounded, finally getting a piece of a big request that has been running for so long: to play the so-called songs that “they left to die”. Screaming was an understatement, more especially when Calum sang the first few lines. 

“Replay the scene over again, before the credits rolling inside my head...” 

Even the other wives around you didn’t expect this, the strong yet out-of-tune vocals of Eleanor singing along because you were aware that this was one of her favorite songs of theirs.

“I don't recall a single word, you hit me faster than I heard inside my head..” She was in sync with Calum, who was crinkling his eyes as he saw her sway her hips, controlling his chuckling since the song was heartbreaking. Some fans noticed, videoing that little moment of theirs which was bound to be posted everywhere. Crystal raised her arms in the air, moving along with the rhythm of the song. Bryana films the moment, quietly humming along. The other kids were watching in awe, most especially Stella because this is the first show she seen of this band. Well, one that she will remember for a long time.

So far, this concert and this song performance embodied how mature they’ve become as they are now in their late 30’s going 40’s, emotionally mostly. Bopping along to the last few lyrics, Michael having just sung his part of the bridge, Luke had his full gaze on you, lips quivering as he opened it to sing his part before one last hurrah of the chorus.

“One last ditch, a new beginning, so take this heart, put yourself in it, this surprise ending I'm depending on…..”

Confusion raced through your mind at his action, whether if he also has a hidden agenda. He thinks he could hide his emotions with those eyes of his, but after all those years of love you had for him, you knew so well of how bad of a liar he was.

“I got a long-term plan with short-term fixes, and a wasted heart that just eclipses, and I push my luck from trust to dust enough, that's the story of another us…”

He is the first to look away, avoiding any unnecessary attention and returning his focus to the main audience. You could see the heartbreak in his eyes and vibe it too from his raspy voice. For Luke, he knows that you are just as pained, even if you tried to conceal it. That was already tough, but what more when your twins have noticed that session of yours?

With every second withering and the song fading too, you could feel your chest getting pressed too tightly from all these different emotions overwhelming you, your mind playing a role too by reminding you those painful moments of the deterioration of your past romance. Your breath span shortened as your head felt woozy, making you choke. Without warning, you made a run for it, leaving the area in a flash. This led to your daughters’ enjoyment to be interrupted by the vulnerable sight of you, their instincts kicking and telling them to help you out because it seemed serious.

Longingly searching for a private area without any staff interference and running further the corridors, you eventually found a dimly-lit spot and settled there. Leaning against the white wall and bent your knees in fetal position, many bad thoughts got you overthinking the decision of the divorce.

“You’re selfish! You made your daughters stay away from each other!”

“You should’ve gain full custody of the twins, not just one of them!”

“You failure! No wonder Luke figured that you held him back!”

“You didn’t put up a fight and gave up like a wimp!”

Your urge to shed tears grew uncontrollable, along with moderate whimpering and melting some of your makeup too. But you could care less at this point because you’ve just lost it. All those held back emotions have met you once more.

Meanwhile, the show continued on and the girls have excused themselves to their aunts, saying that they have a “monthly dilemma”.

“Oh no, do you need any help or anything?” Eleanor suggested, getting shakes from the twins’ head as a response. “Alright then, hurry back! Your dad is halfway done.” Nodding, they ran as fast they could, turning right and left on the hallway and ponders deep. “Where could’ve mom went?” Rebecca worried, her breath hiked and the feeling of worry bound to reach its peak.

“I may have seen her turn left from the corner of my eye.” Stella points out as she scratched the nape of her neck, nervous of your state. “Let’s head on then.” Rebecca rushed, going steps further than Stella, making her chase after her Australian counterpart. This went on for a few more minutes, turning another left and right.

“Stella, chill! I’m dying.” Rebecca complains. “Oh come on! Quit your comp-” Stella’s nagging was interrupted when she overheard a familiar voice in one corner, stopping dead at her tracks. Rebecca took notice, following the domino effect and shifted her direction behind to where Stella stood, her head leaning to one open corridor.

 “What are you do-” Now it was Stella that was interrupted as she heard your echoing whimpers at the very end of the hallway which was wasn’t too far from where the twins were. “Rebecca, go ahead! I’ll follow!” Weirded out, Stella was about to interject, but it took a loud “Go!” from her twin to do otherwise, chasing after the now fainting noise. Rebecca discreetly followed the voice, trying to decipher who it was, why that person was inside and the main topic of discussion.

Who else could it be? Stella sneaked a glance to find Sierra drinking some sort of concoction on a wine glass and talking to a mystery person. Petty, Stella brought her phone, recording whatever she was saying. For future reference, she thought.

“Ugh Perez, I thought we got rid of her forever! ….. Oh yes, what a witty caption! Got Lily to take photos from the private area? …… Nice! But wait she left? Doubt it, her bratty twins are there. But whatever, I’ll talk to you later, can’t miss out on my fiancé’s show too much.”

whom she picked up to be a writer of some sort with the words “caption” and “photos”. Got rid? Kids? She knew straight away it was you.

With those actions occurring, Rebecca has finally found you, releasing the stress. But she pitied at the sight of you with messed up hair, makeup and flowing tears. You were too vulnerable, in every aspect and it broke her heart. Kneeling down right in front of you,

“Mom, what happened? Did something or someone hurt you?” She held her hands on top of yours. With those blue saddened eyes of hers, you couldn’t stop your tears even more because she is half of him and also the half you gave up.

“I-” You choked, your breath stiffened and halted for a moment. Taking a deeper inhale, you properly articulate words, well tried too. “I’m a selfish disappointment! I gave you up so fast when I could’ve just settled for half custody instead of a closed custody that our divorce lawyer suggested. Your dad said yes to it because he was hurt and angry just like me, but I’m your mother! I should’ve never done it!” One hand of yours was released from her grasp, tracing her soft face then brushing some hair behind.

“You’re so beautiful, and I want to know more about you.” Those words made Rebecca just as emotional, reaching over you for a hug and begins to sniffle. “

“Did you even want me just a little bit before you and dad divorced?” This was a question that has haunted Rebecca ever since she got older and knew the real story between you both, instead of the excuse of “mommy’s too busy on her business trip, baby”. Honestly, Luke sucks on hiding secrets.

“I wanted you 100 percent. I love you so much, baby. You and your sister are everything to me.”

“And dad?” That took you in for a surprise and you had no words to respond. She was anticipating for an answer, and before you say what you made up, you were abruptly saved when you heard fast shuffling in the hallway, getting you startled.

“Oh there you guys are!” It was Stella, thank God. “Mom, are you okay?” She was ready to kneel down like Rebecca, but with this mini heartfelt session reaching an end, you felt much better and you could breathe easily now.

“Oh yes, bub.” You gathered your strength to stretch your legs up and stand up, shaking off any dust in your outfit. “Thank you for coming after me. I didn’t realize how much an impact I made.”

“Well, only to the both of us. We were concerned, and our familial instincts kicked in.”

“Nonetheless, thank you, loves. Now, let’s go continue that great show of your dad’s, huh?” They nodded, but first, Stella got a mini-pack of facial tissue from her slingbag and grabbed a few. She rubbed it on your face gently. “You’ve got some smudges of mascara and eyeliner by the bottom of your eyes.” As she stopped, “All better. Let’s head back now.”

Giving her a grateful smile, you followed her lead whilst you wrapped one arm around Rebecca’s shoulder.

“I forgive you, mom. I love you so much, please never leave my life again.” Rebecca whispered, just appreciating every intimate and personal moment she can get with you. Your heart fluttered at the closure, and quickly you were back to the curtained pathway of the private family area.

“Shit, there you girls are!” Your trance was ended at the sight of a sweaty Luke, who looked nervous like you were previously. “Where have you gone? You missed 2 songs!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be performing right now, dad?” Stella questioned.

“Uncle Calum is singing Invisible with uncle Michael while I’m here to get some cool air with uncle Ash. Now, please answer my question, girls.” Rebecca and Stella had nothing to reply, dumbfounded at his nervous and stressful persona.

“Hmm, I don’t know how to say this, but Rebecca thought that she was getting her “monthly” gift for the first time, so we went searching for resources to help her out.” You covered for them.

“Oh.” He chuckled, scratching the nape of his neck like Stella earlier. “Never thought it was that. I was just worried.”

“It’s okay, dad. I feel better now.” Rebecca reassured, giving a discreet wink at you.

“Well, I’m happy, poppet. I need you to be healthy always!” He hugged her up in the air.

“Ahhh, dad let go! I might make an incident if you get what I mean.”

“Oh, shit sorry!”

“Dad, swearing!” Rebecca and Stella squealed, covering their innocent ears.

“Ashton, Luke, Cal and Mikey are almost done!” A manager called out for them.

“Well, that’s my cue, girls. See you in a bit!” He waves his hand goodbye before running off alongside Ashton.

“Aren’t you girls cunning and successful at it?” You smirked at your twins, impressed.

“Well, we got that from you, mom.”

[authorlaneblevins]

On Facing Criticism

Chances are, if you’ve faced rejection as a writer, you’ve also had to face criticism. Whether that criticism is levied against your work or your desire to write in the first place, it can be just as unpleasant an experience as rejection. Some of the emotional responses are the same: self-doubt, loss of confidence, and questioning whether you truly have what it takes to effectively tell stories or express yourself. There are some nuances in facing criticism, however, that you don’t have to worry about when facing rejection. How you respond to that criticism, for example: when dealing with rejection, you often aren’t in a position to respond to whoever has rejected your work, but with criticism that is often not the case. You might have to hear criticism face to face, and how you react to it will be pivotal to how you are regarded as a member of the writing community.

It should go without saying that every time you put your work out there—either in a creative writing workshop, on an online forum such as a blog or literary journal, or by enlisting the help of beta readers—you are opening yourself up not only to appreciation and praise, but also to criticism that can range from constructive to harsh and destructive. Having sat through dozens of creative writing workshop sessions where 12 or more students (along with the professor) discuss what they like and don’t like about your work while you are expected to silently listen and take notes, I have experienced the full spectrum of feedback. I’ve had fellow writers who had nothing but praise for my work, I’ve had some who provided constructive criticism in a professional and respectful manner, and I’ve had some who seemed to get great pleasure in issuing out the most mean-spirited, condescending and venomous critiques they could muster. In my junior year of college, I workshopped a story about a pianist undergoing a mental breakdown; one girl in my class, seemingly having a hard time differentiating between the narrator and the writer, stated more than once that “this scene just made you sound crazy.” In these situations, how you react (and how you absorb the criticism) can be crucial to your reputation, to how you view your work, and to your own sense of self-worth.

 Below are a few tips for handling criticism.

 1. When dealing with unconstructive criticism: There’s really no way of knowing why some fellow writers (or readers) choose to be intentionally hurtful and mean-spirited in their criticism. Maybe they’re jealous of your talent. Maybe they’re an elitist who truly believes everyone else is beneath them. Maybe they don’t realize how abrasive they are because they don’t understand the concept of tact. Maybe they think they’re doing you a favor by not sugar-coating their response to your work. Maybe they get off on schadenfreude because they’re just a dick. While it may be embarrassing and infuriating to have to listen to this asshole, the best thing you can do in this situation is put on your poker face, thank them for their input and remind yourself that you have promise. That person just might not be your intended audience.

It might also be helpful to pay attention to the feedback of others, just to see if you’re being too sensitive (if you’re having the same emotional response to everyone’s feedback, you might be taking criticism too personally), if there are any consensuses on problem areas in your work, or if anyone actively opposes the harsh critic’s points (if the critic hated your use of metaphors but the majority liked or loved your figurative speech, for example).

I highly recommend not engaging the harsh critic in debate or trying to defend your work in a workshop setting, as doing so often looks like you’re making excuses, that your work can’t speak for itself and requires an explanation, or that you’re being thin-skinned. Ignore the sting, check your gut (as in determine whether there are any grains of truth to their criticism) and continue to believe in your work.

2. When dealing with constructive criticism: It’s usually a lot easier to handle constructive criticism; these critics have your best interests and the improvement of your work in mind when they tell you what didn’t work for them. Often these critics know how to talk to you about their issues with the story, chapter or poem in a way that is tactful, respectful and promotes a sense of camaraderie instead of competition. This kind of criticism is a gift. It allows you to make the necessary changes to elevate your work to the next level. However, just because criticism is constructive doesn’t mean you have to implement it. The gut-check is just as important with constructive criticism as it is for unconstructive criticism. Listen to what the critic has to say, take your notes, and give deep consideration to what you think would actually help your work out and what wouldn’t.

I once had a workshop critique for an excerpt from a dystopian novel set twenty years in the future; the critic was very constructive and helpful in most of her feedback, but one of her suggestions was that, instead of bullets, it would make more sense for guns to be firing lasers because the story is set in the future. Again, though most of her stylistic advice was very helpful, this particular piece of advice was something I absolutely had no intention of implementing, for several reasons: one, no one else had any difficulty believing this story was set in the future just because the weaponry is similar to contemporary weaponry (had there been a consensus, I may have entertained the idea for a moment), two, this critique didn’t feel necessary or helpful for the story, and lastly, I knew in my gut that I wasn’t just being sensitive about it. My decision to ignore this particular critique, therefore, passed my gut-check.

3. When responding to criticism: Whether you agree with the criticism you receive or not, and whether you feel it was constructive or intentionally destructive in nature or tone, the best thing you can do to maintain your professional bearing is to thank the critic for their feedback and extrapolate as much helpful lessons as you can from the criticism. Even when a critic is being a dick for the sake of being a dick, if a writer responds in a touchy and hysterical manner, the writer is going to look worse. That may seem unfair and it probably is, but artists are expected to have thick skins. This isn’t to say that you can’t give trolls a piece of your mind while maintaining professionalism and poise. For lessons here, just study J.K. Rowling’s Twitter: when you have mastered her level of composed sarcasm, you too can call out dickishness without looking fragile.

4. Applying feedback to your work: The most important reaction to receiving criticism is to find the little nuggets of truth—those flaws in your work that maybe you suspected were there but couldn’t quite pin down, those imperfections you hoped no one else would notice, or those inconsistencies that you didn’t even realize were there—and to apply them when you revisit your work to edit. If you receive feedback from 20 readers and find nothing in their comments that prompts you to change something about your work, you might be being too stubborn and sensitive to accurately view the value of their points. And if you go through that much criticism and don’t change anything about your work, then you endured all those harsh words and blunt dissections for nothing.

Writers put their unfinished work out there to get honest opinions, to get the hard truths about their own shortcomings as writers, all for the purpose of going back and improving their work. If you don’t have the stomach for criticism, then you may want to be the kind of writer who only writes for their own enjoyment and not with the intention of releasing their work for others to see. And that’s fine, if you’re that kind of writer. It’s better to identify that early on than it is to keep torturing yourself until you give up on writing altogether. If, however, you hope for others to read your work someday, it behooves you to learn to process criticism, apply changes that you agree with, and thereby improve your skills and creative instincts.

5. When dealing with criticism about your passion for writing: There are going to be people in your life (often people who aren’t writers or artists) who will view your endeavors as a writer with skepticism and condescension. They might say snarky things like “Do you even make any money writing?” or “You haven’t published anything yet?” or “Must be nice to have enough time on your hands to waste it on the computer.” They might make jokes about starving artists or useless English degrees. Or it might be your parents, worried that you don’t get out enough because you spend all your free time cooped up in your apartment working on a novel. The temptation might be there for you to give up on writing altogether, to pursue “normal” hobbies or social events, to go for the practical degree in something that bores you to tears. If you are passionate about writing, though, don’t listen to these people. The easiest way to respond is that you are just as likely to make it big as a writer as a high school football player is to make it to the NFL. Your goals, talents and interests are just as valid. You gain and learn just as many vital skills in the pursuit of writing as your mother did in her pursuit of gardening or tennis. If writing grants you fulfillment and a sense of purpose (and, sometimes, pure happiness) then that should be all that matters to anyone, especially anyone who cares about you.

Like rejection, facing criticism is never easy, but it does get easier with time and experience.

For more tips, check out Terrible Writing Advice’s take on Criticism: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v4R2ZcxPlA

[bipolarandannoyed]

On why I’m contemplating shutting down my AO3 account

So I wanna first clarify that this is not a decision I’m taking lightly. I’ve actually been contemplating this for around two years. I have not decided yet, but I wanted to let everyone know it’s a distinct possibility so they don’t go to check something, or re-read something and it’s just gone.

Even though this post is going to be a TL:DR in and of itself, I’m still going to give you a quick TL:DR of that in case you don’t want to read this monstrosity.

It’s a mix between my tumultuous relationship with fandom, some issues I’ve had with specific fandoms, problems with fanfiction in general, an extreme loss of inspiration and drive, mental illness, and my original writing.

All right. Some details. I can extrapolate on any of these, so if you want more information, please ask.

1) When I first joined fandom, it was a different beast. It was the mid 2000′s and I was a young teenager with only a few friends who, thinking back, probably didn’t like me that much. Fandom was the first place I could connect with people who liked the same things I did, back when the internet wasn’t the home staple it is now. A lot of you may still feel the same way.

But as the internet is such a mainstay in most homes, and most people have their own nearly unlimited access to it, fandom has changed. It’s taken on the popularity issues that prevail in every large culture. With the introduction to “fandom awards”, I’m not sure how this can be argued. And I despise popularity hierarchies. I hated them in school, and I hate them online.

Before anyone gets on my case about just being petty because I want to be popular in fandom, I don’t. I actually want to avoid being one of those “top tier” fandom people. I like to be anonymous. I even have anxiety about leaving my curtains open. I was raised to be paranoid, and for very good reasons I won’t be going into.

I have moral issues with popularity. Specifically in the way we treat those who aren’t popular. They’re all but ignored. And when they’re not, people act like they’re throwing them a bone, like any attention to the work they produce is a gift they’re receiving and they should be so excited and happy to get a single like. Meanwhile they watch the big names being showered with praise and attention. Think about when you’re in school and you experience this yourself, and how it makes you feel. But that’s the thing, no one does.

Fandom feels entitled to the work of people. I’ve received my fair share of “write it for those of us who are reading”, and that’s just unacceptable. You are not owed a single thing. People are producing things for you for free. And for most of us it goes completely unrewarded. I’ve said in the past to think about comments and reblogs as payment. Everyone talks a big game about supporting artists, but that ends pretty quickly when there’s a chance for real follow through.

2) As for my personal issue with fandom, it’s about people stealing the stuff I produced. Not my stories, thankfully. I’d be filing a complaint about that real quick. But with posts. I won’t name any names, or even fandoms, but it’s happened a few times with a few different people. Sometimes it would be a few days after I posted, and sometimes it would be as little as an hour. Since I’m not a big name, no one notices. And since I prefer to stay under the radar, calling the people out would only call unwanted attention to me. So, as a result, I’ve mostly left fandom.

3) So my problems with fanfiction are a bit more of a me thing. If you followed my old tumblr and read my personal posts, you’d know that I don’t really read fanfiction anymore. I haven’t for a couple years, only fics that people have personally suggested to me.

A few years ago I got curious about why my fics were unpopular. I’ve only written two that more than a few people have cared about, and in an unpopular fandom, or with an unpopular ship, that’s pretty par for the course. But I’ve considered myself a pretty decent writer for a while, and that was a huge blow to my ego and had me questioning my ability to make it as an author, which has been my goal for fifteen years, and something I’d been considering for a few years before that.

I did some research on what kind of fics and authors are popular, and I found it’s the opposite of what people like with books. Simplicity is the most important thing. Fics with common plot lines, predictable plot points, and recognisable tropes tend to be the most popular. Conflict tends to turn people away. Basically people want comforting stories that don’t challenge them in their fics. That’s something I just can’t do. I’ve actually tried. I love writing stories with high conflict and taking tropes that people are used to and turning them around. I’ve used fics to develop my writing to prepare for my books. I will never be a popular fic writer, and I’m okay with that.

4) I’ve lost most motivation for my fics. A big part of that is because of my living situation. I’m working on building a tiny home so I can make sure I’m not homeless, and for health reasons. Because of that I’m living with my family while I build it.

But an even bigger part is because there’s no energy in it. People’s excitement, their responses, gave me energy and inspiration. I wrote Pretend to be Dating in two weeks because of the interaction with people who were reading it. It’s about 28,000 words, which is the length of a novella, and I didn’t fill it with superfluous prose. People were excited, and they expressed that excitement. That made me want to produce more. And even before that when I was writing for TotA, a pretty much dead fandom, I had a friend who would get excited every time I would write anything, no matter how small. But she has a family now.

That interaction, that energy, inspires me. And I know it inspires a lot of others. And no, not every comment inspires me. It’s pretty easy to tell the difference between someone commenting because they like something, and because they just want me to continue. Being a temporary distraction from life until people move on to the next distraction actually has the opposite effect and kills my inspiration and drive. It’s important to me that people like my stories and my writing.

I’m aware that a large part of this is my fault. Because people liking my stuff is vital to my future career, as there is no career if people don’t, responding to comments on my AO3 makes me feel like I’m artificially boosting my comment count and making it seem better than it is. It’s a very weird bit of anxiety, but it’s very debilitating. That’s why I’ve encouraged people to come talk to me here.

5) So I’m bipolar. I’m taking meds for it, but I’m not currently in therapy.

A lot of people don’t understand what bipolar is. It’s not being moody. It’s a cycling disorder that can seriously mess up your life, fuck with your mind, and it’s one that’s still socially acceptable to dismiss and mock. Just look at every time someone calls Halsey “teen angst”.

Bipolar has a lot of effects on my cognitive abilities, and actually made it nearly impossible for me to read for three years before I finally started taking meds. I sometimes spend over and hour at a time pacing because I just can’t seem to stop, I’ve almost broken my hand because of sudden bursts of anger, and there are high risk behaviors we suffer from that have caused me to almost die on several occasions, behaviors I don’t consider dangerous when I’m doing them.

There’s a reason so many bipolar people relate to Jekyll and Hyde.

I’ve been depressive since last May. It’s been a very long depressive phase for me. It’s caused me to almost lose my job. And because of that, it’s been extremely difficult to write. I used to write until my hand literally couldn’t hold a pen, for twelve hours at a time. Now I’m lucky if I can get more than an hour a night. So when I can write, I want to write something that’s important. And if my fics aren’t important, if people don’t care, I don’t want to write them, no matter how excited I am about certain stories or chapters. And when I post a chapter that I’ve been so excited about, and no one else is excited, that has a really bad effect on me.

6) I’ve mentioned that I’m working on becoming a published author, hopefully a career author. This is vital to my happiness and fulfillment as a person. This is the entire reason I started writing fics back in 2005. I’ve written entire books that I’ve scrapped, have five projects in the works, and am working on creating a serial to gain attention.

At this point, writing fics is doing nothing to help me with that. It’s a distraction. And until recently, it’s a distraction that I’ve found worth it, because it’s something I enjoyed, and something that gave me creative satisfaction. But that’s not the case anymore. I don’t see the point in producing things for people who don’t appreciate them, when I could be working on things that could hopefully supply me with the means to live.

Fanfiction will always have a place in my heart. It’s been such a big part of my life. But like with most things that I loved as a teenager, it just doesn’t give me the enjoyment and satisfaction it once did.

[1000-directions]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

*All answers should be about works published in 2017.

tagged by @imlouisaf <3

1. List of works published this year (in the order that they were posted):

o jeez, they were all really short but i published 14 stories on ao3 altogether

even if it’s a lie, say it will be all right

spinning on that dizzy edge

a praise chorus

lay your hands over me (written before everything else on this list but posted to ao3 months later as a backdated work)

baby, here we go again

i don’t care, i’m not scared

amsterdam without you

show me you can handle this

girl crush

she’s a good girl

see where this thing goes

boy, make me believe

are you that somebody?

part of your world

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

this is hard because i’m proud of different stories for different reasons. some of these i just never would have thought i was capable of writing, and that feels awesome. but i’m going to go with even if it’s a lie, say it will be all right. writing this felt like torture sometimes, and by the time i published it, i’d spent so much time up close inside it that i couldn’t tell if there was anything good or redeemable about it at all, and i was embarrassed to even show it to anyone else. but when i read it now, i’m really pleased with it. i like the different relationships in the story, i like my use of flashbacks to sketch in backstory, i like the way louis and eleanor use sex in different ways to illustrate the complexity of their relationship. i love the interplay between past and present, and i think overall it has more emotional complexity than anything else i’ve written. i poured a lot of myself into it, and it sucked, and it was hard, but i’m so happy with how it turned out. also, i got some really amazing feedback about it, especially from people who were not sold on the idea of real-life elounor but found this portrayal sympathetic. i really loved being able to change some people’s minds and get them excited about louis’ real relationship.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

lol fuckin spinning on that dizzy edge 😩😩 my most kudos-ed work currently and probably forever, rip me. it’s not even a story, it’s literally just me describing louis in two different outfits, i think it took like an hour to write, it’s just...not...anything? i know that i’m too hard on this story, but actually, i’m nOT!!!

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

i do like this little paragraph from boy, make me believe, part of the louis/bebe truckstop au.

She didn’t know it could be like this. When she’d imagined her sexual future, she always thought it would be the same sort of adequate sex she’d been having before, just with progressively older guys, until she married one of them, and then they’d get older together. She’s only ever been with boys, is the thing, and Louis is such a man that’s she giddy with it. He has a job and a family and a kid. He knows a trade, and he lives alone in his own house, and he can fix mostly anything. He’s muscular and strong, and he smells like beer and cigarettes most nights. He’s all grown up and self-sufficient, and he knows who he is and what he wants. And he wants to worship her, and he knows how to do that, too. She didn’t know there would be gentleness. She didn’t know there would be selflessness. She didn’t know that being manly could still leave so much room for being soft.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

you know, it’s so funny to look at the kudos counts for the truckstop au, because they’re so much lower than i realized. and that’s because every comment i’ve gotten on that series has been so thoughtful and excited and loving and kind that it makes me forget that that series is SUPER NICHE and almost no one read it. but the people who did read it were just amazing and supportive, and even just a handful of people buying into that world and getting excited about it and talking shit out with me in the comments and helping me develop that world more and consider things differently than i had before, it was really just the best most rewarding thing.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

every second of writing that pig dog story was torture, especially as the deadline loomed closer and i still had almost none of it written. and also especially because i was really inspired at that time to work on my louis/briana story, but i didn’t have time, and i resented having to work on this one instead. i reread it today, and i swear it’s the first time i’ve actually even liked it. writing that story was brutal.

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

writing two stories with harry as a narrator was a weird surprise. i really love writing through or about louis. i’ll read lots of different pairings, but it’s hard for me to get excited about writing a story that doesn’t involve louis. so i really didn’t expect to enjoy writing my hamille stories so much, but that’s been such a fun relationship to explore, and i expect i will write more of them next year.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

my philosophy this year has mostly been to only write what i want to write, and i mean both in terms of pairings and in terms of actual content. i don’t like writing plot and backstory and worldbuilding and all that shit, so i just...stopped. and i really focused in on the bits that i do like, the internal monologues and little scraps of dialogue and emotions and sensations, and i think it made my writing sharper and more concentrated. i think i reduced a lot of filler this year and really focused on writing undiluted, strong emotions and metaphors. if something was boring or dragging, i skipped it. i know that’s not for everyone, but it many writing much more enjoyable for me personally.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

i would like to try some new pairings. this is weird, but i’ve never really written a true nouis story? it feels like i should have, but i haven’t, and that’s something i wouldn’t mind tackling next year. also, when i first started out, i didn’t feel comfortable leaving canon behind because i worried that i didn’t have a strong enough grip on my characters yet, and i feared that if i started writing AUs or whatever, my characters would become unrecognizable. but i’d like to keep venturing out and trying new worlds and tropes. i want to write more trans characters. i’d like to write an ace fic. i’d like to bring my eye to things i haven’t written before and see what happens.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

jeez, everyone? you know what, i’m gonna go ahead and single out @alligatornyc as someone who doesn’t write but is such a positive and uplifting reader. if you get on her good side, she will make you feel like the greatest person who ever wrote a single word, and that is such a rare and wonderful gift. @mildlymaddy is also really phenomenal about showering her friends with amazing comments and feedback. @queerlyalex more than anyone else i’ve ever known is just...super positive about encouraging people to be creative and do whatever makes them happy, and they are so celebratory about whatever you end up producing.

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

louis’ depression in even if it’s a lie, say it will be all right is my depression. also, this from see where this thing goes is 100% me dropping out of school and being ashamed to tell most of the people in my life:

“Do you figure you’re going to head back home?” Jay asked when they were both finished eating, and Bebe imagined what that would be like, to give up after so much planning. She remembered the going away party they had thrown for her at the old diner, the balloons and the cake and the card they’d all signed for her and the gas station gift card they’d all chipped in for, only forty bucks but it melted her heart that they’d all believed in her and wanted her to go off and be a big star. She couldn’t go home. She couldn’t face those people again until she became someone, and her eyes welled up with tears just thinking about it.

“I can’t go back there,” Bebe had said.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

there is room for you to write the kind of stories you want to write. you don’t have to follow those “avoid these writing mistakes” posts that drive me fucking crazy. show don’t tell? who cares. if you wanna tell, then tell, it’s your story. people get very focused on word count and writing every day and forming proper habits, and if that works for you, good, and if that doesn’t work for you, that’s good, too. if forcing yourself to write every day makes you feel shitty and inadequate, then don’t do it. if writing when you’re uninspired feels bad, don’t do it. you don’t have to do this the way everyone else does. you’re doing this FOR FREE. it should feel good. if you’re not enjoying it, figure out a way to do it differently.

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

louis/bucky barnes is a thing, and it is happening, and i am getting really excited about it. louis/briana is happening. cis girls hamille is probably happening. more truckstop au will hopefully be happening. trans louis is theoretically happening, but that one is only just starting to coalesce in my mind. and once louis’ album drops, i’m sure way more elounor will be happening.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

i hATE TAGGING 😩 if we are mutuals and you wanna do this, tag you’re it! please tag me in your response. if we aren’t mutuals are you wanna do this, tag you’re it! please tag me in your response. fair warning tho this thing takes F O R E V E R to do

[joh-gaming]

Why is this affecting me so much?

This is probably going to be an incredibly long post, one that I don’t expect many would read but that I feel I have to write. If not for Epic to read it at some point, then for myself, to remember this and why this game was so important.

I will have a lot of personal opinions, unfair comparisons and highly critical comments in those comparisons that may or may not be accurate. There will also be speculation as there’s more going on than what they’ve been willing to say.

If you care, then please, click on Keep Reading to continue.

How did I learn about it?

Honestly, I have no idea and that’s an issue that lead to its current situation. This is what I remember hearing back then. Paragon is a new game by Epic Games, creators of the Gears of War series (which I’m not really a fan of) and the Unreal Engine (which has always fascinated me) It was going to be a MOBA (which I hate, don’t like any MOBAs except Paragon but I’m getting ahead of myself here)

Clearly the above isn’t enough to get me to try it, on the contrary. So what was it, I must have seen something that made me think, this is worth a try. As great as that announce trailer was, none of the heroes in it speak to me, not even Sparrow whom ended up as my first mastered character and the one I own the most skins for. It wasn’t a gameranx before you buy thing which to this day I haven’t seen nor plan to, nor Angry Joe’s first look which again, I have no interest in watching. I’m not being critical of those channels, it’s just that I already experienced the game, most if not all of its iterations, so I really don’t care what they had to say about it.

Well... funny enough it was Overwatch the reason I gave Paragon a try. While Paragon is relatively older than Overwatch, it was in closed beta for the first few months. After trying, and falling in love with Overwatch’s beta, I felt the need to fill that void but with another, hopefully similar game. Then I saw the announcement of Paragon’s own free open beta weekend

I don’t remember if I took part on it or not, the next thing I wrote of Paragon after that was Digital Foundry’s graphic comparison of the game on PC and PS4 vanilla (at the time, the only PS4 there was) praising how a console game let you use mouse and keyboard.

Now, going back to Overwatch for a second, there are a few things you should know. 1. I have a friend that is part of the Overwatch team 2. I bought the game myself, no free keys and it was the PS4 version 3. I didn’t have enough money to buy it at launch, I ended up buying it late June or mid July, can’t remember and it’s not THAT important right now. 4. I tend to prefer cartoon like graphics as they are pretty much timeless

With that being said, this was my first impressions on Paragon, having tasted Overwatch.

“I feel really bad for the artists working on Paragon. Clearly a lot of effort was put into the design and modeling of the characters but good God they're so damn boring. The maps are also bleh with a palette that doesn't help things at all. Animations feel like over a decade old with awkward jump and run. I will be surprised if this game is actually successful 'cause it's a MOBA and what's the most important part of a MOBA? The damn heroes.“

I’ve been wrong before, but this is probably the top one. The map in question is what we now call Legacy. After spending a long time in super colorful maps in Overwatch, I found myself in this semi realistic map with ruins and a jungle that looked old and boring. Movement was too slow and I’m not sure what I was talking about with the animations, maybe they were bugged at the time ‘cause Paragon’s animations are impressive. Some of the best work in gaming.

Needless to say, I had a rocky start with Paragon, mostly because I didn’t understand it. I don’t know how long I tried it before I deleted it but that’s what I ended up doing. I got frustrated and instead of doing research I just quit.

So, going back to Overwatch for another second, how long was my honeymoon after I bought it? It lasted for about a month, after that I started seeing all the issues the game had and has (most of them are still there) especially on consoles. Broken heroes, Play of the game that encourages nonsense, the “scoreboard” that highlights the wrong things, lack of content, lack of heroes, easily exploitable on certain maps, etc. So I guess, thanks to Overwatch, not only did I dare to try Paragon, but fell in love with it. (btw, I did check, bought Overwatch mid June and by mid July I was sick of it, only made worse in August trying to get the limited time skins I wanted) And that’s not even talking about how Overwatch popularized Loot Boxes (yes, they have existed for a long long time, they just made it seem OK in a full priced game, ‘cause it was $60 on console)

Now, I couldn’t find this anywhere but I remember I returned to Paragon when Lt. Belica was announced. Gave it another go but again, failed to understand the character and gameplay. I will get more into the true problem for new people later on, but for now let’s go with why did I delete the game a second time. Well, it wasn’t out of frustration this time, rather than HDD space on my PS4. At the time it didn’t support external HDD. When did I return in a more permanent manner? When Countess came out.

She became my main for a while, which is funny ‘cause part of her kit was taken from the hero that would completely grab me forever. I started understanding the design decisions of the characters and the graphics, I got past the part where they wouldn’t last a few years, I was wrong about that too. I think they found the right balance between realistic and somewhat cartoonish to make the graphics last. That and they weren’t shy on retouching characters later on.

On November 2016 I said this

“Now I have a better understanding of the game, mind you that if I were to read about it I MAY learn it faster, but I prefer to learn from my own mistakes rather than trying to play like someone else that is probably more skilled. I can accomplish a similar standard just playing with things that work for me rather than what is "optimal". Or that word that gets on my nerves, the META. Fucking meta...” 

Funny, I still agree on that.

Paragon growing on me

I’m going to quote myself again, but I’m going to edit said quote for context purposes, not trying to say something different than I said before. For instance, the post was made with a video that I won’t include here, so anything mentioning the video is out of context.

“The more I play Paragon, the more I like it, but at the same time the more I notice its problems. Paragon currently has 24 heroes with a new one added every 3 weeks. Only has one map and one game mode, but it's free and high quality so no complaints here. However if you're like me, you tend to pick certain characters based mostly on looks not on play style. This is one of the biggest issues in Paragon and even Smite for that matter. The character design in Paragon is on point but at the same time it’s dull and boring.

You have your human characters, your robots and your beasts. They decided to go with a semi realistic look for the game instead of doing the cartoon like design from popular and unpopular  MOBAs. Which is fine I guess, you want to differentiate yourself, especially when now everyone that does it is instantly going with "an Overwatch look". On PS4 they had to lower the graphics quite a bit.

Paragon has a hero limit since launch and you can't switch heroes of course. The character selection process is completely random (I was the first to pick this time by pure luck) there are no rules for this other than what common courtesy SHOULD dictate. Personally, even if I get to pick first, let's say if the third player selects Countess before I do, I consider that a priority so I leave Countess open for him. You should learn how to play at least 4 characters. Game actually wants you to learn five characters, that's why you get 5 deck slots by default.

I prefer to play Countess, but I'm better with Sparrow and already have experience with Belica. That being said, the whole mastery system induces people to rage quit when the character they wanted gets picked by someone else. It starts off fine, but eventually leveling up your character becomes a chore and a grind.”

This was still back in November 2016.

On December 2016, I had this to say about the game

“There were a few things keeping the game from being as good as it could be. One of them being the learning curve. This wasn't your go in spray and pray your way to victory while you press a button to get a highlight at the end of the match to feel great about your awesomeness. No, in Paragon you needed to learn a lot about the mechanics, you had to build your character from scratch, and you had to find a way to balance your build to be ready for what's to come. It was amazingly refreshing to be honest. Sure it took me some time to like it, mostly 'cause I still feel the graphics aren't what they should be and the characters, while having an interesting design, they lack a palette that makes them unique.”

“This past Tuesday, Epic Games decided to upload Monolith. Basically Paragon is now a whole different game. Taking into account player feedback, mostly for how slow the game was, they applied a lot of changes to the mechanics of the game. Some of the changes would have been enough in the Legacy map to make the game nearly perfect, but no. Monolith is a smaller map than Legacy, character speed is improved but then it creates other issues when you fight other heroes. Certain classes are now having a tougher time. You gain less card power, forcing you to stay on the map longer rather than going back to base to level up. That in theory would be great if you weren't so fucking weak for half of the game. So what are people doing to combat this? They basically have the same builds. Build for attack speed and power, then some life steal and you're good to go. It's boring now, it's more like a shooter. “

I ended up that paragraph with something I regret and therefore won’t repeat. Even if it didn’t happen... I didn’t uninstall the game and have no plans to do so. Not even after it’s gone (unless it keeps affecting my health, more on that later)

“The simplification of Paragon, as a whole, made it more accessible to regular players, you know your regular multiplayer bro. So it's kind of funny to see the rage quitters because the early game is so painfully slow (in terms of levels) and how easy it is to die when you don't understand how minions and towers work. They changed more things in Paragon than what Massive changed in The Division. Paragon is like a different game, one that doesn't require you to be as smart as before. You now stack attack and go play. That's why I'm a little disappointed with the update. Thankfully they are listening to the feedback so perhaps they can find a middle ground between this version and the previous one, because both have great ideas, they just need to remove the bad ones. A match in Paragon is still more fun than a match in Overwatch though.” 

2017, a roller coaster of emotions

Last year alone Paragon went through at least 3 big changes. Many think these changes lead to its current downfall but I don’t agree. In a community corner video (I may edit this if I find it again) they said (a bit arrogantly I may add) that Legacy won’t ever come back. Keep in mind that while at first I was one of those that felt betrayed by the changes Monolith brought to the game, I was still playing and having fun. Originally the thought was, “we don’t want to split the community” and at the time I agreed. But looking back I failed to see the same thing they missed, the community was already divided. Bringing Legacy as a mode, or a more strategic version while Monolith would be more fast paced wouldn’t be bad.

Look at Smite and Overwatch, both games that wouldn’t want to have a split community, now their games have plenty of modes. Keeps players in because if they tire of one thing they could test another ‘cause at the end of the day, it’s the heroes that will keep you coming back. So it wasn’t the changes, more like a pinch of arrogance and a lack of modes. The player retention they later complained about, was of two folds, lack of ranked mode and a poor tutorial.

What made Paragon different and special, besides the heroes I will come to love even more than those in other games, was the card system. You’ll find videos from ‘tubers that are now jumping to conclusions just to talk about the closure of a game they never even heard of. You’ll hear them say something about it being pay to win with buying cards and what not, which funny enough was true in 2016, nobody said anything about it then, but all of that was removed when they added the card crafting system so long ago that I don’t even remember when that was implemented.

Building a deck was crucial to success in Paragon, just as much as understanding minions, towers, your role, buffs, rotations and kills. For most of the 2 years, the jungle was crucial too, that was changed in one of the latest patches. Some say for the worse, I’m not too sure it was. If it was simplification they were after, then the current jungle makes the jungler job easier to understand. Farm, get some levels and skills, then go help the lanes. True that had it been a mode in Monolith with Legacy being the more strategic match, it would have been better received, or at least that’s my perception.

People don’t like to feel dumb, even less to realize they actually are. If what I’m writing here makes me sound dumb, then perhaps I am, but it doesn’t matter as this post has nothing but my sincerest thoughts on the matter, even if I’m trashing Overwatch along the way. I think Paragon was a great game, unique in a sea of MOBAs, that people just failed to understand and that the developers didn’t support correctly.

Was Fortnite the issue?

Epic Games is often accused of doing popular things then scrapping them, fad chasers is what they call them. Paragon started when MOBAs were a big thing, just like Fortnite started when Minecraft was a thing. Sure at the time you had Cliffy B on board so he wanted a gritty and scary thing in Fortnite. Fortnite was one of those games that went through development hell, a game that if not by PUBG catching fire (see what I did there) and they being able to rip it off, it would have crashed and burned by now. Fortnite was sold as an Early Access game

I clearly bought into Fortnite’s Early Access, hence the screenshot of the banner unlocked. What made me buy Fortnite when I knew it wasn’t done? If there’s one thing I learned from playing Paragon, is that Epic will change everything trying to find the best system for the gameplay. I wanted to be a part of that too, I wanted to see the game change and grow (keep that expression in mind) over time. I also wanted to thank Epic for Paragon, so I thought this would be the best way to do so.

I was aware of Fortnite before I knew anything about Paragon, I mean like I said, it’s one of those games that went through development hell. I was watching one of their livestreams when they were giving away keys to almost everyone, they didn’t give me one (at the time it was a PC only game) so I never got the chance to try it myself. Over time I stopped paying attention to it as I never got a key, nor even acknowledgement that I wrote them asking for one. Why was I interested in Fortnite? Well, obviously the cartoon graphics as I mentioned before, then there’s the whole building thing which I enjoy a lot (main reason why I like Fallout 4) and Orcs Must Die 2 is one of my favorite Tower Defense games. (Keep that game in mind too)

If I had known that everything they said about working on developing what is now a mode (Save the World) was a lie, I would never have wasted money on Fortnite. The game is as incomplete now as it was on launch. Sure they have had events but almost every resource is going into the Battle Royale mode. Again proving that they are indeed fad chasers. If you feel like I’m wrong here, that it was a logical business decision and that justifies whatever you’ve spent on Fortnite, then fine, that’s what you think. But personally, I can’t recommend anyone to spend money on ANY Epic Games game from now on. This will sound like Blackmail and maybe it sort of is, but I do mean this, if Paragon is completely closed (as in I can’t play it in any way, shape or form) to me, I don’t see myself giving EG money again in the future. I don’t just say things like that and change my mind when it’s convenient, I haven’t bought an EA game since they burned me with SimCity 2013.

The Heroes of Paragon

Paragon has a bunch of great heroes, my favorite hero would come out in May 2017. That would be Phase. I’d say it was love at first sight but it wasn’t, it was love at first try. Before Phase there was Aurora, a controlled type character that had the looks and mobility, not to mention damage output. I often play range roles or control types, while Aurora was melee, I felt she has more mobility than Countess plus her control abilities were great to set up team attacks. I never thought a support would be far more interesting to me.

Phase’s kit was amazing, actually it was too good to the point where she broke the game for some people. One thing is a good support, another is a support good at everything. Good at healing, dealing damage and controlling the enemy. She got nerfed a couple of times, with her healing being affected the most, she’s still my main. For whatever reason, Phase felt like a part of the Phantom Thieves in Persona 5. Granted that after reading her lore I completely understand why that was the case, but the fact that I thought about it without reading it says a lot about the work put into the character itself

There are so many nuances in her animations, even her new launch pad animation. While not as involved or defining as most of the characters’, it still feels like a Phase launch. Her relationship with Shinbi was explored later, it was interesting but it didn’t change what I thought the character was like. She is the character I’ll miss the most, but don’t think she’s the only character I like a lot.

1. Countess 2. Aurora 3. Lt. Belica 4. Sparrow 5. Dekker 6. Serath 7. Morigesh 8. Zinx 9. Drongo 10. Wraith 11. Yin 12. Gadget 13. Muriel 14. Twinblast 15. Murdock 16. Shinbi

I will miss all of them. There are a few I haven’t even tried.

The greatest game I couldn’t play

From September 19, 2017 to January 9 2018, I didn’t have internet access. Hurricane Maria had destroyed our infrastructure leaving many of us in a terrible situation. Originally I was OK, I was prepared for around 2 months of no power, let alone net access. My house held fine (or so it did at first) and my family was OK. Then it started, the following days it started raining what felt like non stop and the damage Maria did, was now evident. Water was pouring in, my things were getting damaged, first I lost my bed, then my desk, well to cut to the point, I pretty much lost my house. I don’t have the money to fix it and with the situation my country is in, I don’t think it’s even worth it.

All I kept thinking about was, man I wish I could play Paragon again. Sounds silly but everyone has something that helps them disconnect from whatever terrible reality they are in. For nearly 4 months that’s all I wanted to do. Late October I moved to my brother’s house, it had power, water would come later but at least it had power. I started playing some games to avoid thinking of what I lost and had yet to lose, as I couldn’t save everything important. Nothing clicked, all I wanted was to play Paragon. I would watch my captures of my game time, over and over and the “music video” I did of my first coop match playing her

I missed the October event, I wanted that mummy Yin skin. I almost missed the winter event skins, got net back right when they extended the event 1 more week, so I was able to buy Morigesh and Aurora’s skins. Those weren’t the last skins I bought, no. The last skin I bought was the Panda skin for Phase. The day before they announced that Paragon would close.

So you see, the answer to my first question, why is this affecting me so much? well, after losing my house and some of my things, the game I wanted to play the most is going away too. It breaks my heart, I saw Paragon from almost every stage in development, highs and lows I loved playing it, I still do. There are terrible games that somehow are still up (Day Z comes to mind) yet this amazing game that is making so many people cry, it’s going away. Or is it?

Were we lied to?

It all points to yes, something happened that they can’t talk about. In their open letter they said

Here inside Epic, we’re talking about the future of Paragon in pretty much the same terms as you’re talking about it. The core challenge is that, of new players who try Paragon, only a small number continue to play regularly after a month. Though Paragon has evolved, no iteration has yet achieved that magical combination of ingredients that make for a sustainable game. (As an aside, the problem isn’t marketing or how to make money with Paragon. We have good ideas that would solve those problems if we can find a way to make Paragon grow.) 

So, if the problem wasn’t marketing (which btw it was, it wasn’t even promoted 1/5 of what Fortnite has been) nor making money with it, the problem was making it worth the effort. At least that’s my opinion. Fortnite success came over night, so it was an easy decision to ditch their less popular game even though it is their superior product. But is that even the case here? While Paragon is going to close for us, in China it started its closed beta

What the flying fuck is going on here?

It’s hard not to feel betrayed, it’s hard not to wish Epic Games failure (I try not to) but nothing is harder than seeing a great game close, with some relatively true explanation but no real logic behind it. Closing Paragon, even if it was to make development on Fortnite easier, is a mistake. Leave it in life support until you can come up with better ideas for it. The rank mode they were working on was never implemented in Paragon, instead it was moved to Fortnite. So don’t tell me you did everything for the game, it died because you didn’t support it Epic. It died because you killed it not because we left, I never left. As the final months are quickly going by, and I try to enjoy my final moments with it, in an analogy I rather not say, I feel myself getting sick. I get this massive headaches now, Paragon may have nothing to do with it but coincidentally, they come after playing a few matches. It hurts to know it’ll be gone and that I won’t be Phase anymore.

On the other side, I hope Epic Games have realized that Fortnite is more of a platform than a game. Quickly being able to transform itself from tower defense building game to a battle royale with building elements. I mentioned Orc Must Die series, well their latest game was one of the many MOBA attempts that kind of failed. They had to add the classic gameplay that made them popular in order to keep their fans, because they were bleeding players like crazy. Now, the current version has plenty of modes, kept the MOBA, (EDIT: They removed the MOBA mode) added the classic and created a few more. Fortnite can be Paragonized if they wanted to, they could even add some of the Paragon characters to Fortnite, I would gladly pay for Phase.

Soldier Class

1. Belica 2. Murdock

Constructor Class

1. Terra 2. Greystone

Outlander Class

1. Phase 2. Twinblast

Ninja Class

1. Shinbi 2. Kwang

And clearly, I’m not the only one that thinks that’s doable. naastika.deviantart.com

Final thoughts

I may be angry and disappointed, and I do mean it, that if I can’t play Paragon or Phase (mostly Phase) any more, that I truly won’t support any more Epic Games games, but I do appreciate the rare opportunity to play such an amazing game. I’m too old to like video games for the gamey aspects of it, I prefer the media side of it, the opportunities it offers as a story telling device that surpasses books and movies. I started my gaming on the Atari 2600, I’m done with jumping around for hours or shooting for no reason. It is extremely rare for me to get attached to a game with no narrative, and the fact that Paragon pulled this off, speaks to the talent working on the game.

Thank you for Paragon, and fuck you if you do close it.

[periakman]

A Loose Amateur Compilation to Good Writing Community Guidelines

Everyone wants to create a space where writers can kick back and ooze with creativity, be it a club an irc channel, a discord server, a skype group, or something different. And the fact is, it’s harder than just starting up a group, providing a link, and letting people pour in, so let’s look at some basics...

What Do You Want This Community to Be?

  -   There is more than one type of writing to exist. Most of the young folk online are usually in the midst of writing their big sci fi/fantasy epic. But that’s not everyone. Some people write nonfiction. Some people do it as a 9-5. Some people only ever want to write poetry. Figure out what type of people you want to attract. Decide if you want to accommodate a wide spread of people, or if you want to focus on one specific aspect.    -   There is more than one type of writing community to exist. Some are just for encouraging writing. You give your word counts. You engage in writer sprints. You cheer each other on. You gripe when something doesn’t work. Others are more about gushing and celebrating. You might not have anything written down, but you love your oc and want to share that love. Others are about research, ironing out problems, or maybe getting in depth feedback.  Decide what type of writing community you want, or if you want to take on multiple aspects    -   Don’t overclutter. It’s easy enough to decide you want a catch all server, but unless you have a pre-made base audience, it can very easily turn into a situation where you only get a few casually passionate people about a bunch of topics who have no desire to interact with each other. Additionally, while “bigger is better” might be your goal, keep in mind that not every service can actually keep up with a large group of people. You can’t have a “everyone gets a turn at being given criticism” if there are more people in a group than there are minutes in your free time.    -   There is no “every community has this” truth. If you think something exists in every community, you are wrong. Not every community has a problem child. Not every community has terrible flame wars. Not every community has trolls. When you’re creating a community, it’s on you to moderate. It’s on you to decide what you don’t. As some quick and obvious things to consider:        -   Slurs (written or discussed)        -   Traumatic Situations (written or discussed)        -   Off Topic Conversations        -   Therapy/Comfort        -   Harsh Criticism        -   Drama Importation/Exportation

   -   How do you plan on accomplishing this? If you want a community with Super Serious Published Writers, maybe don’t just post a link for anyone to join. If you want a casual server but with a polite atmopshere, maybe don’t post it in a place known for abrasive and divisive opinions. If you want to create a community for people you have no contact with (I’m a creative person with no creative friends! How do I find them D:!) then you might want to consider joining other people’s groups. Get a lay of the land. See how they do things. Meet people, befriend them, build your base, etc.    Additionally, think about the other things you want! Make sure each thing you want has a planned strategy. Don’t just say you want it and hope it comes, research into it!

What Is Required Of You As A Leader?

   -   Moderation! You are the one who decides who comes and who goes. If two people jump into a fierce argument, you are responsible for settling it, and even if it gets resolved, making sure it doesn’t happen again (unless you WANT fierce arguments). Remaining neutral is not a boon here, but being fair and unbiased is of tantamount importance. If you don’t think you’re capable of doing this, recruiting someone else is a good idea.

   -   Catalyzing! People are easily distracted and are not obligated to contribute. Figure out easy ways you can ignite your chat with fresh new topics. Merely posting a million writing prompts isn’t going to help. If you are busy and don’t want to do such a thing, then once again, recruiting people who will do this is a good thing. If done right, this will self propel by itself, but you need to lay that initial spark.

   -   Positive Role Enforcement! We’re all humans, and we’re all flawed. If a random newcomer says “ugh I hate everyone who likes Naruto! Why can’t they all just Stop LoL”, then most naruto fans will take umbrage, but probably not necessarily go to war about it. If a mod or a leader says it, it can take a very different tone. By being the leader, you have power. That doesn’t mean you can’t be mean or negative or weird or stupid. but it means you should figure a way to clearly distinguish yourself when you’re “on” and “off” and realize that if you are the type to speak bombastically or harshly, it could affect potential nervous newbies. 

   -   Cultural Enforcement! If you want a culture where everyone gives detailed feedback, you need to give detailed feedback. If there’s a queue, you cannot jump the queue. Live the status you want to see everyone else do. If there are exceptions (such as if you are dedicating a server to your work specifically) clarify and write it out clearly.    -   Communication! Do you have dreams of a large spanning community, with subcategories and many moderators? Or do you just want to not have to read every single line that is written? Well, communication is your friend! Specifically, vertical communication! If someone complains about something that goes on in the community, will it reach your ears? and also, horizontal communication! If you have multiple authorities (or perhaps are doing a collab with other communities), does information hit all parallel groups? Now, in small groups this is fairly easy to deal with, but keeping these basic ideas in mind for measuring success of information distribution can be a great rule of thumb.

What Actions Are Detrimental to the Community?

Now, for this section, I’d like to draw your attention to a little thing called “Benne and Sheats’ Group Roles.”  It can give a great quick example of how there are different ways to contribute to a community, and how to tear it down. It’s honestly a nifty little way to think of people, and while it doesn’t provide all the answers, it can give options you hadn’t even thought of! With that out of the way, let’s talk toxicity! But as a general disclaimer, these actions don’t mean the person should be banned, or that the actions are detrimental all the time. Just that they can be if not done in a pre-agreed manner. And this doesn’t cover everyone, but it covers some of the bigger issues I’ve seen.    -   The Self Server: The one who will provide mountains of information about their own story, lovingly detailed and lovingly explained, but will often falter when other people’s writing comes up, or anything that doesn’t involve them. Online, this can often result in personal messaging out of the blue, where they will encourage newbies to read their work, even if they have no intention of doing the same in turn.    Self Serving can show up in truly toxic people who just want the praise and attention, but also can show up in people who are well intentioned. They want attention, and don’t know how to get it, so they go through the only thing that’s a technical success, not realizing the awkward position they put everyone else in. Many might also have social issues, and not know how to give people attention that they desire. Having some default sentence starters can be useful here. As an example:       “I like your X thing. It’s similar to my thing, Y. I like my Y because Z reasons. Anyway, Question about your X?”     It is also important to recognize that everyone shows their attention differently. Some might be willing to listen, but not feel so good about commenting and complimenting. Others might show their support in paying money, but never mention it. When dealing with this action, it’s important to codeify what others require in order to feel validated, and the best way to go about validating someone who might have counter-intuitive values.    -   The Drama Starter: They start arguments. They complain. They whine. They never quite do much else, but whenever they type something up, it’s sure to start drama. They might not even ever discuss what they’re writing, but boy are they Suffering (tm).     Toxic Drama Starters are people who usually want to get attention, but also want to feel vindicated in some way. They are about being right and being told they are right. More well intentioned drama starters probably have a lot of going on in their life, with no idea on how to solve it. So they vent, and vent, and vent. The words help them form a frame of reference, and maybe a way to rationalize it in their head. Unfortunately, if all someone contributes to a community is constant complaining (unless it is, of course, a community based on complaining), then it will rarely turn out to be productive. These are the ones who seem to always start fights, even if they don’t intend to.     It’s worth heavily moderating people who keep starting unwanted fights. You don’t have to ban them, but you have to uphold a standard of rules. Some people improve, some people don’t. Use your own judgment.

   -   The Con Artist: They’re going to start a huge project. They’ve started it already, in fact. It’s going to be huge. They’ll get famous. And when they do they’ll totally hire you to contribute! In fact, why don’t you do something now? The ideas are solid and of course they’re writing it. Of course, at some point, the information dies down. And then there’s nothing. Maybe a chapter comes out, maybe it doesn’t. And then they resurface, a new idea, a new passion, and a new enthusiasm to drum people up with.    At best, a con artist is just someone who has no solid work ethic but strong passions. They honestly mean every word they say, and feel terrible guilt about the pile of old projects left behind. At worst, well, they’re an actual literal con artist. The latter is someone who does not belong in a community, the former is someone who can exist, but needs to be informed of their cycle. It can be tough, of course, to find the line between “happily gushing about new project” and “gushing about a doomed project to the point of community detriment.”  In the end, it’s up to the community to decide what they want to tolerate, but also up to the community to make sure other newcomers don’t get swept up in a wave that will come crashing far more shortly than they thought.

   -   The Elitist: There is a tiered system in writing. On the top are the mainstream famous writers. They don’t actually exist, but we know they do. Then you have the successful writers, who people might  know of, but are unknown by the common populace. Sometimes you might meet them briefly. You keep going down the rungs, and you hit “published author who sold three copies” and keep going further down to “person with ten WIPS with not a page written” and finally to things like “fanfiction” and “roleplay” and “popular posts on the internet”.     This system is completely arbitrary. There is no form of writing or existence in writing that is truly “better” although I think we’d all prefer to be in a situation that made our bank accounts better. Despite the arbitrariness, there are people who will hold their hearts to it, or to some tiered equivalent. And that is where, of course, elitism comes in.    Elitism can show up in any category. No matter how lowly or equal. There is always a way to be Better. It’s something humans are incredibly good at, unfortunately. And it’s an extremely detrimental aspect to any community, especially if it’s growth focused.    Toxic Elitists are exactly what they look like. They want to feel better, and they don’t want to help others. While there’s nothing wrong with admitting a community might not be proper for someone of a certain skill level, there is of course a polite way to do this and a rude way. Additionally, many “innocent” elitists might be younger folk, or people who never bothered to interact with a group, and are just spouting off pre-canned lines that they never considered the implications of. Merely informing someone of this can be a very easy way to offset the toxicity.    Additionally, things like age and having english as a second language can also set off issues with elitism. For instance, a twenty six year old might be at a loss as to how to interact with a thirteen year old, and vice versa, especially in the world of the internet where it’s not immediately known. These situations are complicated and require personalized and contextualized moderation.

   -   The Judge: All Love Triangles are badly written, they say. It’s common knowledge, so it must be true. There’s no debate or discussion around it, it’s just correct. This person has learned the tools and tricks of writing, but has no concept of what it’s actually like to fruitfully discuss something. This one is fairly simple, and can easily go hand in hand with the Drama Starter. It’s bad arguing, and it’s not helpful.    Toxic Judges are ones who refuse to admit they’re wrong, or that their world view is anything but all knowing. More innocent ones might be honestly perplexed as to how things could go differently, or are employing clumsy arguing tactics they developed without the self awareness to realize how or why they work.   It is a good idea to try and inform people of when they fall into this, and encourage them not to make such objective statements. Maybe don’t say something is obviously bad when someone else was just talking about how much they liked it. Maybe don’t dismiss a work with “oh this is romance it’s obviously bad” etc. A community will only improve when nuance in opinions is accepted.    -   The Single Issue Wonker: The person who is way too interested in one Specific Thing. Perhaps it’s a sexual interest, perhaps it’s not. There’s nothing wrong with liking something passionately. But if taken to an extreme, it can mean every conversation is a derailment waiting to happen. It doesn’t matter how mundane the interest is, if forced unnecessarily, it will eventually cause discomfort to the community at large, unless that is something everyone loves together.    This is a tough one to deal with. Most of us are nerdy folk. We have the things we love, and want chances to gush. There are also many neurodivergencies that can lend itself to creating an environment where you do have a Very Specific Interest, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! However, in a community, striking a balance is important, and making it so that all facets of the community’s goals can be discussed and interacted with is what will help it live longer.     The other common form of this is the “fetishist” so to speak. They are clearly sexually turned on by something specific, and are going to constantly showcase it. This is semi understandable. Many people have sexual interests, and folks have a right to depict it in ways that satisfy those interests. However, constantly bringing it up, or using a writing server as a masturbation area is rather rude, for multiple reasons.     Even if there is an “nsfw” section, not all nsfw categories are about things being sexy, and it’s crucial to figure things like that before dumping those interests in such a category. And even if it IS about the sexy things, it is still good to allow others chances to exist in their own sexy canons, without necessarily adding a specific one to the mix.    In short, if someone’s interest in something specific is eclipsing the point of the community, it needs to be addressed.

   -   The Wounded Heart and the Hurtful Heart: Two sides of the same toxic coin. This one is one we all know, so I will be brief. Either they take criticism too harshly, even if they beg for it, or they give it far too cruelly for it to be considered anything but bashing. Sometimes they are even the same person. Maybe they want to give up writing, maybe they want you to give up writing, maybe it’s just a giant dramatic blur and everyone is confused.    At the end of the day, if someone cannot emotionally handle the guidelines you set, then you have to either consider changing your rules, or dealing with the person in question. Everyone needs to learn how to give and take feedback, but not every community is conducive to that environment, and not every person is conducive to actually learning.

On the Topic Of Feedback    -   What Is Feedback? The golden question for all communities. Define what your feedback is! Recognize that not all people want the same feedback! Some people just want emotional responses! Some people want their execution to be looked at. Others want their actual ideas to be criticized. Some want criticism. Others also want criticism, but their definition of criticism is completely different than the other person, and now they’re fighting. Define your feedback! Force other people to also define their feedback! Some ways to clarify:       -   Where are you looking to improve with sharing your work       -   What problem areas do you think there are?       -   Do you want grammatical feedback?       -   Do you want content feedback?       -   Do you want the sandwich method (compliment-critique-compliment), or do you just want straight honesty?

   -   Speaking of the Sandwich method! it’s a very well known tactic and is quite useful if you are just starting out and don’t know how to word things. It’s very simple, you say something you like. You say something they need to work on. You say something else you like. It can be a great method if you have something you need to convey and don’t want to hurt someone.    With that being said, there are some issues with this method once you get into tougher and more nuanced issues. For instance, if a story has something that must be addressed (maybe it’s unreadable, maybe it depicts a graphic scene that you were not warned about), sandwiching such a complaint will probably not be as helpful. It also can create a sort of false equivocation between the sentences, or just make the whole thing seem strange.  As an example:    “I think the story is clearly very passionate. Also your worldbuilding, characters, plot, and grammar all need a lot of work. I like the names you picked for your character, very unique.”     Would just be strange and demeaning. So while it’s not always a good structure to use for everyone, it’s a way to start.

   -   Recognize Premise v. Execution when giving feedback. This is a very specific sort of advice, but for people just starting out, it can be hard to understand the difference between going “this is why I dislike it” and going “this is why it’s going to be disliked even by people who want to like this.” One mentality to really drive home is that when you’re giving feedback, it’s to help the writer, not to help you read it. So you are helping them achieve what they want to achieve. If they want to write some strange story where bunnies are actually aliens and the main character dies a a third of the way in, only to be replaced with an omniscient narrator, then your goal should not be to dissuade them from writing that, your goal should be to help them turn that into something readable.    You can still of course say “I don’t think this premise will work without serious reworking” but in order to give good feedback, you need to accept whatever internal core exists for the story, and starting from there.

   -   Some people don’t want feedback. Some people just want to share. It is up to the community to decide what’s the norm. Should feedback be expected unless told not to give it? or should feedback be only allowed when asked for? What’s the difference between idle negative observation and negative feedback?

   -   Decide how feedback will be given. The general rule is “look at the thing above you and then post yours.” Others do queues, where no one is allowed to post until X amount of opinions are posted. Personally I try and employ a “2 for 1″ philosophy. You must give your opinions on 2 things (if possible) before posting up yours. This means there’s less of a tit-for-tat going on, and it means there will always be more feedback than posting.    There is a downside to this, obviously. It means people who don’t feel comfortable feedback won’t be posting. To which, you as a community maker need to have a decision. What is important to you when setting up your system of feedback? People feeling comfortable posting something, even if they might not ever get anyone looking at it, or people who will get feedback, but it might be disjointed and half-hearted, in a rushed attempt to just post theirs?    Now, this ignores the best possible ending. That people will give feedback willingly and in abundance. Now, to be honest, that is rarely going to happen. Usually it just means that one or two people give all the feedback, and other folks just keep producing content without bothering to contribute, because they know someone else will deal with the feedback.    One strategy some communities employ is by making sure they’re also recruiting people who love to read and edit, but this falls into another issue...

   -   Remember that giving feedback is a skill. Not just a skill, one that people get actively paid to do. That means when you are asking for feedback, you are asking for someone’s time, energy, and brain power. And you’re doing it for free. Art, music, these things can be consumed in sets amount of time, very easily. Reading someone’s manuscript is homework. Even the action of excitedly telling you someone about your work involves paying attention and keeping track of a bunch of fictional facts to form a story you’ve never read inside the confines of your brain.    The people who are best at giving feedback are being paid to do it. You are probably not paying people. So you must adjust considerations accordingly. Relying on a few people can make those people feel unloved. Forcing everyone into one standard might end up becoming actual homework and actual unpaid labor. It is unfortunate, but at the end of the day, despite how important feedback is to a writer, no one is obligated to run a whole marathon just to help with what is put forward.

   -   This is ultimately the double bind I see in a lot of communities. What it devolves into is a chaotic sprawl where no one gets feedback, but everyone wants it, and giving it can be a bit of a nightmare. This is why guidance is so important, especially if you want a feedback focused community. In the beginning, it does mean doing a lot of legwork yourself, at least until people realize what they can get out of it. This is why I personally prefer structures where effort must be put in before you get to put up your work for feedback. In Conclusion   -   The most important philosophy to take into account is that Good Faith and Not Taking Any BullCrap can exist in a mutually beneficial relationship. There will be many people who want to write, all of varying desires and oddities. Accepting people’s desires in good faith is imperative to a healthy community, and for others to do the same. But at the same time, to know what a problem looks like, and how to seamlessly remove it, without causing issue.    Trust that the people you encounter want to be happy in your community, that they want to grow and improve. But do not blindly believe it in the face of contradicting evidence. As a reminder, do check out the benne and sheats group roles linked above, as it does provide more broad overviews of positive ways to contribute on a general level and personal level, and more common issues that can show up in any group, not just writing. Writing is an incredible experience, and naturally we want to share it with other writers. We want to be in that community of nerds, all gaggled together chuckling about our injokes. And there is nothing wrong with that, but every community needs active positive influence, or it will crumble. It’s like a plant, or a pet. You can’t just say that because it’s alive and healthy now it will always be alive and healthy. Your job is not done. It’s only just beginning.

[kanasmusings]

[Translation] Growth Drama CD Vol. 2 (Kokoro no Puzzle) - Track 2

Here’s Track 2 of Growth’s Drama CD. 

Again, thank you to @s-o-a-r-a for the files!  You can buy the CD here to officially support the artists!

Please don’t use these translations anywhere without permission.

It’s long, so it’s under the cut! Enjoy~

Other tracks: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] Masterpost:  ☘

Track 2 - “Interview Showdown” [対談対決]

Characters:

·         Eto Koki (C.V. Toki Shunichi)

·         Fujimura Mamoru (C.V. Terashima Junta)

·         Sakuraba Ryota (C.V. Yamashita Daiki)

·         Yaegashi Kensuke (C.V. Yamaya Yoshitaka)

·         Hishida Mitsuru (C.V. Watanabe Takumi)

·         Sugai Makoto (C.V. Hamano Daiki)

Kensuke:         The one getting his make-up done over there is Hishida Mitsuru.

Mamoru:          Yep, yep.

Koki:                The one standing by the window there is Sugai Makoto.

Koki:                I called the agency to confirm and they said that the original unit we were supposed to be interviewed with was double-booked. So, they were sent as replacements.

Mamoru:          Eh…

Kensuke:         I know, right?

Kensuke:         If I’d known from the beginning that it would be them, I’d have refused.

Kensuke:         Anyway, what’d the agency say?

Koki:               They said that they didn’t want this to be an issue or anything so we should just proceed as usual.

Koki:               I’m fine with that.

Ryota:             Well…

Ryota:             I guess we have no choice.    

Ryota:             I figured we’d eventually meet someday anyway.

Ryota:             That day just happened to be now.

Kensuke:         Same here.

Kensuke:         We’re just beginning artists so we really don’t have that much room to complain about this.

Kensuke:         It’s better if we just avoid confrontation.

Mamoru:          I guess that’d be really… hard for you to do?

Koki:               When we told our previous agency about our joining the TsukiPro auditions, everything went smoothly.

Koki:               There really weren’t any problems… is what I’d like to say but…

Koki:               I guess there was that feeling of mutual dislike.

Kensuke:         That’s right.

Kensuke:         Though I guess that’ll disappear if we work together at least once.

Mamoru:          Understood…

Mamoru:          Let’s make sure that we don’t fail.

Mamoru:          Those two are the ones who debuted in your place, right?

Ryota:             Right.

Ryota:             They were related to the previous chairman.

Ryota:             Then, last year, they made their debut as “ZIX”.

Ryota:             I guess you could call us acquaintances from our juniordays.

Kensuke:         More like, Mitsuru is Ryo’s natural enemy and Makoto treats Ko like a rival.

Mamoru:          Eh?!

Mamoru:          Natural enemy?

Mamoru:          Rival?!

Ryota:             He’s not wrong.

Ryota:             Mitsuru and I will NEVER see eye-to-eye.

Ryota:             There’s even that famous story of our disagreement during our junior days.

Kensuke:         Right.

Kensuke:         Mitsuru’s got a nice air and is a good talker. He’s known to his fans as someone good-natured. But, his double personality is really too much.

Ryota:             There’s definitely a hidden motive behind that smile.

Mamoru:          Oh?!

Kensuke:         Guess you could say that, too.

Kensuke:         He gives off that feeling of a suspicious person. He’s poisonous.

Mamoru:          His two-facedness is intense…

Mamoru:          And… he’s poisonous…

Ryota:             Mamoru.

Ryota:             If somehow those words remind you of someone, I’d suggest you keep those lips shut.

Mamoru:          I wasn’t thinking of anything…!

Mamoru:          It’s just…

Mamoru:          I thought I’ve heard that somewhere before or…

Mamoru:          It’s not like I was thinking “That reminds me of Ryo~” or something…!

Kensuke:         He just said everything.                

  Kensuke:         Anyway, let’s talk about Makoto.

Kensuke:         Sugai Makoto.

Kensuke:         Just like you’ve seen, he’s got that arrogant attitude, in words and in actions.

Kensuke:         He’s the type who has wild, enthusiastic fans.

Kensuke:         And his leadership skills are good, too.

Kensuke:         Ever since our junior days, he’s been trying hard to get his unrequited feelings of rivalry noticed by Koki.

Koki:               He’s conscious of me?

Koki:               Was he really?

Kensuke:         See, just like I said~

Kensuke:         He hasn’t really noticed yet.

Kensuke:         That’s why I said ‘unrequited’.

Mamoru:          That’s so like Ko-kun.

Ryota:             I thought he’d at least have a vague idea.

Ryota:             But, since it’s Ko, I guess he didn’t really notice.

Ryota:             I guess that person won’t accept it but Ko’s really not aware.

Koki:               Is that so…?

Kensuke:         It is!

Kensuke:         Don’t you remember?

Kensuke:         Even during the dance lessons, he’d try to one-up you. He even auditioned for the same parts you did.

Kensuke:         Did you really not…

Kensuke:         Guess you didn’t.

Kensuke:         I get it, geez.

Koki:               There was a time that I DID think it was weird.

Kensuke:         Just a little? Now, I kinda sympathize with Makoto.

Ryota:             Ko stood out a lot, huh?

Ryota:             Among the juniors standing there, you could always notice one that’s a lot more special than the others.

Ryota:             I guess that wasn’t that interesting but Makoto was the type who liked to stand out, too.

Kensuke:         Since we naturally got along, Ko, Ryo, and I eventually managed to get together.

Kensuke:         But, to the agency, I guess they thought that Mitsuru and Makoto would make a better unit.

Kensuke:         There was that rumor, too.

Mamoru:          Eh?

Koki:               I…

Staff:               Sorry for the wait! Everything’s ready now.

Kensuke:         Coming!

Mamoru:          Ko-kun, let’s go.

Koki:               Yeah, let’s.                          

  ***

  Mitsuru:           Oh~ That guy over there.

Mamoru:          Eh? Me?

Mitsuru:           You’re not their manager?

Mamoru:          Ah…! No, I’m not.

Mamoru:          I’m a member of Growth. My name’s Fujimura Mamoru.

Mamoru:          It’s a pleasure to meet you.

Mitsuru:           Hello~

Mitsuru:           Nice response.

Makoto:           If he’s not your manager then, Koki, where’s your manager?

Koki:               Hm?

Koki:               Ah, he had something else to take care of so he’ll be a little late.

Koki:               Don’t worry. We got permission to proceed as usual.

Makoto:           Other business, huh?

Makoto:           Do you guys not have a permanent manager?

Koki:               Yeah. For now, that is.

Makoto;           That so?

Staff:               Now then, shall we get started?

  ***

  Mamoru:          Simply put, that’s how Growth creates their songs.

Staff:               I see.

Staff:               I’m quite surprised to hear that it’s Fujimura-san who does the songs instead of an agency composer.

Mamoru:          I’m self-taught so there might be a lot that a professional may criticize but…

Mamoru:          I have friends who’ve got my back that will look over mistakes with me. Then, we’ll present it to our fans whole-heartedly.

Mamoru:          Everyday is fun because of that, I think.

Kensuke:         The harmony might be all over the place sometimes or we can’t get the pitch right but, if we keep thinking that we can do it then we will.

Kensuke:         We like challenging ourselves.

Ryota:             That’s right.

Ryota:             Mamoru will even let me complain sometimes during rehearsal.

Mamoru:          I let him all the time.

Mamoru:          Since I know that it’s a song that everyone’s serious and passionate about.

Koki:               Listening to our individual parts is nothing special but when the song comes together as a whole, it feels different. Thinking about that makes every day worth it.

Koki:               I guess you could compare it to a puzzle.

Koki:               Our individual parts are the pieces that complete the puzzle.

Koki:               It’s a puzzle that shows a really beautiful and unique world.

Staff:               I see.

Staff:               ZIX, what do you think of Growth’s songs?

Mitsuru:           Them having fun is a good thing, huh?

Mitsuru:           Hm…

Mitsuru:           I mean this in a good way when I say that it doesn’t seem professional and feels more like a club activity~

Mitsuru:           I mean it in a good way.

Mitsuru:           Right?

Makoto:           To compare, our songs are professional and are million-sellers. Without doubt, it’s something that gives off the feeling of being the best.

Mitsuru:           Yep, yep~ But that’s not all we’re capable of.

Mitsuru:           Our methods are safe and trustworthy.

Mitsuru:           ZIX’s songs are always cool. If someone thinks that, it makes me want to shout ‘Yay!”

Koki:               They really are good songs, huh?

Makoto:           You know them?

Koki:               Of course I do.

Koki:               I’ve listened to all your songs.

Kensuke:         Oh? Really?

Koki:               Yeah.

Koki:               Since it’s a song by people who we used to be in the same agency with.

Koki:               I got curious and I learned a lot from it.

Mamoru:          Here, here~

Mamoru:          He let me listen to them with him~

Mitsuru:           Hm… Thank you~

Mitsuru:           Want me to sign them for you, too?

Mamoru:          Eh?! Will you really?

Mamoru:          Yes!

Kensuke:         Nice response!1

Ryota:             Right?

Staff:               Now then, for the next question.

Staff:               It seems like everyone here were from the same agency.

  ***

  Staff:               That will be all!

Staff:               That concludes the interview.

Staff:               Everyone, thank you very much for today.

Everyone:        Thank you very much!

 Makoto:           Koki.

Koki:               Yeah?

Koki:               Makoto, thanks for today.

Koki:               Good work.

Makoto:           You…

Makoto:           Are you happy there?

Makoto:           You don’t feel like you made the wrong choice?

Ryota:             What do you mean by that?

Makoto:           You didn’t hear?

Makoto:           That there was talk of Koki debuting with us.

Kensuke:         Eh?!

Mamoru:          Is that true, Ko-kun?

Makoto:           Isn’t it, Ko-kun~

Koki:               There was some talk about it.

Mitsuru:           Hey, hey! That’s not everything, is it?

Mitsuru:           The agency persuaded you a lot, didn’t they?

Mitsuru:           They said if you said yes then you wouldn’t have to quit. Plus, you’d have been a working professional like us with a permanent manager, too.

Mitsuru:           Wasn’t it so?

Ryota:             Ko…

Kensuke:         So, it’s really…

Kensuke:         So, that rumor was really true?

Makoto:           I was sure that you’d be there.

Makoto:           But, then the next moment, I heard that you had quit.

Makoto:           Were you not satisfied with us?

Koki:               I wasn’t.

Koki:               It’s just… I… I thought that I’d naturally want to be with Ryo and Ken.

Makoto:           “Naturally”, huh?

Makoto:           So, in the end you joined TsukiPro. Don’t you think that you went too out of your way?

Makoto:           You’d have undoubtedly sold more if you stayed with us.

Makoto:           Am I wrong?

Makoto:           Tch.

Makoto:           I really hate you but…

Makoto:           I know that we’d sell more with you.

Makoto:           That irritates me.

Makoto:           That’s why you turned me down and made me go out of the way.

Koki:               Makoto, I…!

Makoto:           I hate you, Koki.

Makoto:           You…

Makoto:           You’re always acting like a goody-two-shoes.

Makoto:           You’re always making that clueless face and people praise you for it.

Makoto:           You don’t even think about what you’d like to do next and yet you always get the best part.

Makoto:           That’s why I hate you.

Makoto:           Hey, Koki.

Makoto:           I…

Makoto:           I don’t give a damn what you do.

Makoto:           Just know that I hate you.

Makoto:           That’s the only thing I’ll tell you straight.

Koki:               Makoto…!

  Mamoru:          Alright!

Mamoru:          Your heartfelt reunion ends here~

Mamoru:          If we don’t get ready to leave soon, we’ll cause trouble for the staff.

Ryota:             Mamoru…!

Mamoru:          Growth’s schedule for today is complete!

Mamoru:          So, with that said, let’s go~

Mamoru:          What about you? ZIX’s Mitsuru-san?

Mitsuru:           HUH?!

Mitsuru:           Ah…! I think we still have an interview after this.

Mamoru:          As expected from a popular group~

Mamoru:          Good luck with your interview, okay?

Mamoru:          Alright, then~ Time to go, time to go.

Kensuke:         Ah! Ye-yeah!

Kensuke:         That’s right!

Kensuke:         Alright! Great work for today!

Kensuke:         Looks like today’s impossible but next time let’s go out to eat somewhere.

Kensuke:         See you later, ZIX.

Ryota:              I definitely won’t eat with them.

Ryota:              But, good work. Alright, bye.

Mamoru:          Come on, now, Ryo-kun…

  Mamoru:          Ko-kun?

Mamoru:          Are you okay?

Koki:                A-ah… Sorry. I’m fine.

Mamoru:          Don’t give in.

Mamoru:          Koki.

Koki:                Yeah.

  ==END==

 Translator’s Notes:

1 “Nice response!” here used by Kensuke is actually “マジレス” in Japanese. It’s an internet slang that means “serious response” to an otherwise unserious statement (i.e. a joke or a witty/sarcastic remark).

If you like what I’m doing, please consider buying me a coffee here. Though you don’t have to if you don’t want to! It’s totally optional (o^▽^o)

[beingveekay]

ROBYN “RIHANNA” FENTY.

Beautiful, dope, crazily amazing artistry, iconic fashion sense. A majority of us know her as RIHANNA. She also goes by the predisposed alias of RiRi and the well-deserved nickname/social media handle, @BadGirlRiRi. My first connection with Rihanna was similar to everyone else’s. She was the new, Barbadian girl on the music scene with the pop song “Pon de Replay”.  As time has passed, Rihanna’s music has evolved since her fun and innocent debut. While she still carries a light-hearted, girl-like, sweet, and carefree demeanor, she has since then elevated into a superstar with ALL the bad ass qualities to match. From her ability to make record breaking, chart-topping music in EVERY genre she steps foot in, to her flawless and effortless style; I think it’s safe to say that Rihanna is one of the biggest stars this world has ever known.

Here are some of her accomplishments:

9 Grammys

12 Billboard Music Awards

12 American Music Awards

8 People’s Choice Awards

Icon Award (2013)

Fashion Icon Award (2014)

Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award (2016)

Harvard University’s Humanitarian Award (2017)

Over 10 million albums sold in the US

Ranked the best-selling digital artist in the country, breaking a Guinness world record for digital singles sales of over 58 million

the ONLY artist to surpass the 100 million cumulative singles award threshold

3rd best selling female artist this CENTURY

Named the second best-selling female artist in the country, trailing behind only Madonna

Second only to The Beatles for the most million-selling singles in the UK of all time and the list goes on. 

After reading her accomplishments, you’d think that’s ENOUGH of a reason to be a fan. Not for me. True enough, her grind is admirable and one could only look at these things she has attained, and use her accomplishments as a tool to jumpstart their own #lifegoals, but there’s so much more to Robyn Fenty. She is multi-faceted in her stardom. Not only does her work-ethic, rule-breaking music, and star-studded name alone make her someone to look up to, but her UNAPOLOGETIC lifestyle and resonate beliefs really do it for me.  Even the name of her fan base has the deepest of meaning to it. The NAVY ain’t called “The Navy” for nothing. Rihanna, with a past as a cadet in a military program, leads this fanbase as THE NAVY because like herself, they are fighters. The name came about after the release of her fourth studio album RATED R. Now if you don’t know, let me tell y’all how #BLACKTWITTER (yes, it’s a thing) can get. One thing you don’t do, YOU DON’T ATTACK ARTISTS WITH A GLOBAL FAN BASE, especially if they’re Rihanna. They will digitally and socially behead you honey. Rihanna’s fans simply did NOT go for the backlash RiRi got behind her new sound. You better believe, the Navy fought for their H.W.I.C. (Head Woman In Charge). They drew blood and took names later. That’s what a navy sorta does right? Alright then. There ‘ya go.

I’ve followed RiRi for quite some time now and I can honestly say that I’ve applied some of her life philosophies to my own. Not only that, I’ve found myself in several situations in which I’ve had to come out of my own and adopt another persona that in the past I didn’t readily carry. That persona embodies a fearless, confident, life-grasping individual. As I’ve grown, I’ve come to know that in this lifetime, if there are things you want, you must GO AND GET THEM. There isn’t much time to be meek or mild, not when you’re trying to change your life! In my past life, sometimes now as well (depending on the situation), I was that quiet, timid, unprotesting individual that hated conflict or speaking too LOUDly. I hated being in the spotlight, still do more times than most, and I simply just didn’t know how to OWN a room, let alone own who I was. Ok, here’s a secret, Rihanna has been a major part of my “glow up”. While some may see this as sad, I see it as much needed brilliance that changed the way I view the world; the way I view myself. I’ve had SEVERAL W.W.R.D. (What Would Rihanna DO) moments and guess what, THEY ALL TURNED OUT GREAT. Yes, I’ve had other influences, mostly spiritual, that aided me in becoming who I am as well, but with Rih’s help I’ve changed several of my perceptions since I was inducted into the Navy. Rihanna taught me:

TO WORK, or WERK, if you will.

“When you realize who you live for, and who’s important to please, a lot of people will actually start living. I am never going to get caught up in that. I’m gonna look back on my life and say that I enjoyed it – and I lived it for me.”

Those W.W.R.D. moments I mentioned earlier? They changed the course of my life and how I make decisions. I used to make decisions based on what I thought people would accept or not accept about me.  I began to think for me and only me. I began to do things based on how I felt about them and how would feel about them later, NO ONE ELSE. With that new attitude came a new me. To follow suit, I began to  wear that lipstick that I thought would be too bright for my skin and I ROC’d IT OUT without worry. I’ve gone into venues, whether it was a night out with my girls or a job opportunity with a potential employer, and I was confident about who I was. See, Rihanna taught me that it’s not JUST about who you are, but the way you carry yourself in knowing who you are. And to carry yourself in a way in which others will respect, you HAVE TO BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN. You have to know what you’re willing to accept and not. You have to know what things you’re great at and you’ll be damned if someone told you differently. You have to know that there is nobody who does YOU better than YOU. Even if the next can do something similar to you, she’ll never be able to do it quite like YOU. This is what you have to KNOW. And once you know these things, you find yourself living for you, and that being confident in pleasing yourself is FIRST. Watching Rihanna, I learned this and I’m damn happy I did.

In my glow up process, I knew that if I truly wanted to love myself, I’d have to learn…

TO EMBRACE MY SKIN.

“Thank you so much for celebrating us in a world that doesn’t celebrate us enough.” 

“The minute you learn to love yourself, you will not want to be anybody else.”

“All girls rock. Black girls… We’re just on another level.”

A few of her words from her acceptance speech at 2016’s Black Girls Rock. There was a time when I found this very hard to do. Being a little dark-skinned girl from the south will do that to you. Especially when you’re surrounded by a community of others who look similar to you but are brain-washed by the poison that is COLORISM. It took me a LONG time to get here. But dear God, I’m HERE! (In my Celie from the Color Purple voice) Rihanna has spoken against self-hatred in the black community and has even gone as far as blocking a fan on Twitter who tweeted her with an enhanced photo of herself, except it had been filtered to make her appear about 5 shades lighter. The caption said something about she was more beautiful that way or something within that same line of insanity. After one block on Twitter and NO MENTIONS from Rihanna about the lady years later, she is STILL embracing all shades of her part African descent. And what better way to embrace your lineage and ethnicity than to create a whole makeup line designed for girls that look like us? As a girl who swears by beauty both inner and outer, it was heartbreaking not seeing any major, sole-proprieted, commercialized beauty lines made for black women. I’M ESTATIC THAT FENTY BEAUTY WAS BORN! THANK YOU RIH.

Major right? As if that wasn’t DOPE enough, RIH taught me to..

LIVE OUT MY DREAM, UNAPOLOGETICALLY.

    “I always believed that when you follow your heart or your gut, when you really follow the things that feel great to you, you can never lose, because settling is the worst feeling in the world.”

Once upon a time, I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I had an inability to be grateful for any job that the good Lord had helped me to get. I say this because I hated 80% of them. With time I’ve learned to be content with anything I had that helped me to supply myself with my wants and needs. Aside from that, I also used to think that ‘being more realistic’ was the only way I’d survive in this world. Let me just praise the fact that I’m no longer BOUND by that LIE. The things that lie within you that constantly scream at you, begging you to let them out into the world, is not a mistake. It’s called PURPOSE. Although I’ve never denied the fact that I wanted to write and that I should, I placed everything, SCHOOL, JOBS, INTERVIEWS, in front of the one thing I knew I could DO without hesitation, insecurities, over exhaustion, or hatred. I got tired of putting it on the back burner. Although I’m still not a place where I can say my passion is my source of profit, I can say that it’s no longer hidden due to the fact that “I have more important things to worry about.” THIS IS MY IMPORTANT THING. Writing to inspire WHILE making a profit will one day be my reality. And because of Rih, I’m a firm believer of this.

Life has called me to be hard a number of times, simply because being soft wouldn’t have worked in those moments. Being hard almost ALWAYS couples with the idea…

TO GO HARD.

That’s all I could ever hope for, to have a positive effect on women. ‘Cos women are powerful, powerful beings. But they’re also the most doubtful beings. They’ll never know – we’ll never know – how powerful we are.

FOR EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN, I NEED TO GO HARD. I once heard a quote by Oprah in which she states, “I never did consider or call myself a feminist but I don’t think you can really be a woman in this world and not be.” Like Oprah, I don’t think I ever considered myself a feminist but I have adopted a duty to make sure that every woman I ever come into contact with will gain some sort of knowledge, strength, and value within herself. Hence, BEING VEEKAY.  That’s going hard. Taking what you believe and doing something about it. As a woman, I’ve visited and revisited the issues that come along with my gender. Most of them are issues that stem from birth, caused by insecurities and just down right disrespect from what we know as “The MALE.” Because I was born female, I am automatically made to make less than a man in the same field, even if I have more experience and/or education. But that’s another topic for another day.  Just know that Rihanna backs up my beliefs and I back hers. As a woman who’s disadvantaged in several areas of life simply because of my reproductive organs, I will always GO HARD for women. I hate to say this but there are some areas I could clean up before deeming myself a full-fledged feminist like doing away with demeaning rappers who spit woman-hating, misogynistic, lyrics. I’ve done away with most of them but I could do much better! When I learn to dodge the dance floor when stuff like “Taking over for the 9 9 and the 2000’s” comes on, I’ll then say I AM FEMINIST. HEAR ME ROAR. Lol.

Perfect time to say, BEING “Woman” comes with COUNTLESS, most times, silly insecurities. Rih helped me understand that as a woman…

COCKINESS, I should LOVE IT on me.

You have to just accept your body. You may not love it all the way, but you just have to be comfortable with it, comfortable with knowing that that’s your body.

Firstly, let me say that EVERY WOMAN SHOULD BE COCKY. To a certain degree. I know cocky is originally a negative term. But it stems from a very positive place. Cockiness starts with Confidence. It only becomes negative when one is OVERLY confident in themselves, coming off as arrogant and narcissistic. Oh how these type of people annoy me. DON’T BE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE. Nothing is sexy about it. However, to be confident is both beautiful AND sexy. And as we have seen Rih transform from skinny, to heart eyes THICK, she still loves every curve she’s gained. Because she truly loves who she is. I think that’s a lesson that all us women could learn. If you’ve seen any pictures of her from this past Grammy’s season (I’ve included some above), then you’ll see Rihanna flaunting pounds she didn’t once have. Too many of us go by unrealistic beauty standards that society has made us to believe and live by. Whether were size 6 and now 16, or were once 16 and now 6, your body image is just that, an IMAGE. It doesn’t make who you are. Only you decide that. Not your measurements! Not your bra size! Not your pants size! And definitely not anybody who makes you feel bad for being whatever size you are!

Alright y’all. I could honestly go on with another 10 or 15 things this beautiful ICON has taught me, but I decided that these are probably the most IMPACTFUL. I hope this piece did you some justice. I hope this piece makes you feel better about who you are and where you’re going. These be the things that Rih has taught me. Now go ‘head girl, put on your crown, “SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND.”

I want to hear from YOU! SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME! PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT OR TWO DOWN BELOW! Let’s have a discussion. I’m open to all suggestions and comments.

  Thanks for reading y’all! Continue to #GlowYourOwn destiny until next time,

#LoveVeeKay.

        What Rihanna Taught Me ROBYN "RIHANNA" FENTY. Beautiful, dope, crazily amazing artistry, iconic fashion sense. A majority of us know her as…