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heartofsnark · 4 years

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This Is Love (Chapter Ten): The Snakes We Don’t See

Notes: Kinda been sitting on the two most recent chapters, since I like started to write some cyberpunk 2077 stuff. So, thats why its been a while, but given how short the prologue for that fic is, I decided to go ahead and update this this month as well.

Word Count: 13277

Chapter Warnings: Child Abuse (excerpts from the book of joseph), Suicide (non-graphic but still), A body horror dream (my favorite) with some symbolism/implications of sexual assault, discussion of religion, and really really way too blunt on the nose foreshadowing

For chapter one and the warnings about this fic’s overarching themes, please click here!

For the previous chapter; click here!

The church and compound look beautiful in the moonlight, Dahlia can’t help but note as she drives Cassie towards it. The modest white buildings and the silver gate work looking beautiful beneath a blanket of stars. It’s not a steady bustle of activity like it was last time, thanks in large part to the late hour, she’s sure. But there’s a few church members meandering around the outside of the church, beyond the gate. Which, to her dismay is being watched by Theodore. It had to be one of the two members who hate her, didn’t it? Because life can’t just kick her in the teeth once and call it done, no, it has to throw in a few extra hits for good measure. The towering man is glaring at her as she comes to a slowed down stop before the gate.

“Though I doubt it’s why you’re here, service is over, so save me a headache and scram.”

“No can do, I gotta talk to Joseph.”

“Pfff,” he scoffs at her, “you arrest me, ruin service, and then come around demanding an audience with The Father. Gotta hand it to you, nothing else, you got balls.”

“Technically, Hudson arrested you, I wasn’t hired yet.”

“You think that helps?”

“Come on man, this ain’t about me.”

He looks past her to Cassie, still holding onto Dahlia’s back, face ducked down to hide away from his amber gaze. Dahlia can see gears turning in his head and he sighs, rolling his eyes.

“Fine, you can come through, but only ‘cause The Father likes you.”

“Thanks,” Dahlia parks her bike, Cassie handing her back her helmet before the pair walk into the compound.

“That guy at the gate is kind of…a lot.”

“Eh, he doesn’t like me much, but he’s not that bad. Lonny’s probably the biggest d-bag I’ve met here, Jacob and his…friends, if you can call ‘em that, are a bit rough. But, even then, I’m seen more friendly faces than I’ve seen cruel ones.”

A few people recognize Dahlia from the barbecue, giving her a kind smile and a friendly wave as she passes by in search of Joseph. She returns the kind gestures but stays focused on her goal. Dahlia isn’t quite sure she’s ready to fulfill her promise of stepping foot into the church just yet, but if they’re freshly done with service, that’d be where she’d find him.

“Deputy,” a soft angelic voice speaks out, Faith walking through the compound yard towards them, her hair is done up in plaits with flowers twisted in them, “is everything okay?”

“Uh, not really? I was hoping to talk to Joseph? If he’s around.” Of course he’s around, she’s not sure why she’s acting like there’s a chance he’s not here.

“Sure, I’ll go get him right away.”

She breathes a sigh of relief when she sees him, walking out of the church with Faith beside him, she’s never been happier to see a preacher in her entire life. Dahlia looks over at Cassie and sees the raised eyebrow, which is understandable. Joseph is Joseph, strange and weird, shirtless with a myriad of sins and tattoos etched into his skin, and yellow aviators on despite the silver moonlight that covers them all. But at the moment, that moonlight gives him a halo, a saving grace for a shitty night.

“Deputy, I’m surprised to see you so soon,” Josephs greets her,

“Yeah, I’m sorry to bug you, but I…we,” Dahlia looks back at the still timid Cassie, duffle bag held out in front of her lap, “need some help. I didn’t know who else to turn to.”

“Of course, if there’s anything I can do to help, I will.”

“Well, Joseph, Faith, this is my friend Cassie, Cassie this is Joseph and Faith,” Dahlia first introduces them

“Hi…” Cassie gives an awkward nod of her head.

“A pleasure to meet you,” Joseph responds with a warm smile, “though I feel there’s more to this than friendly introductions.”

His gaze lingers on Dahlia’s knuckles, still stained with Liam’s blood.

“Okay, so, Cassie’s home life is,” Dahlia pauses and looks to Cassie, searching for words that she might be comfortable with the deputy using, “bad, she’s not safe there. That’s all I’ll say. So, I was letting her stay with me but….recent events mean it ain’t too safe there either.”

“I’m so sorry, I’m sure this has been difficult on the two of you.”

“Difficult is a word for it; but more importantly, I hear Eden’s Gate takes folks in.”

“Deputy…”

“I know it’s a lot to ask, I know it’s short notice, and I-“

A large warm hand grasps her shoulder and she doesn’t flinch, not this time.

“I’m honored you’d come to me for help.”

And she feels his sincerity in his touch, hears it in every word, and sees it in his eyes. It’s hard to believe how much she distrusted him at first, she curses her past for coloring her view. He’s strange certainly, but he’s good.

“So, I take it you can help?”

“Of course, my child.”

“We have plenty of space at the convent,” Faith chimes in with a soft smile, looking from Joseph to Cassie.

“Thank you, thank you, seriously, thank you so much,” Cassie gushes, relief swimming in her dark eyes.

“We can get you settled in tonight.”

“That’s so sweet, I can’t thank you enough.”

“We’re happy to help,” then Joseph’s eyes turn to Dahlia, “will you be alright though, deputy?”

Joseph suddenly catches her hand in his own, brushing his fingers over her bloodied knuckles, no sign of hesitation at the rough sight. Brows furrowed in concern.

“Oh yeah, it’s not mine, don’t worry, uh,” she catches herself, “that sounds bad, but like dude was gonna torch my trailer so, it was like okay to punch him, I think.”

“Wait, what?” Cassie’s eyes go wide as she looks to Dahlia, she must not have seen Liam with the lighter, only Dahlia striking him.

“Yeah, dude was gonna fuckin’ torch the place, so I blacked his eye. More than fair, if you ask me.”

“Okay, first,” Cassie starts and Dahlia smiles as a bit of the girl’s personality peeks through her fear, “I didn’t know it was that bad. Secondly, I don’t think you’re suppose to talk like that in front of a church and it’s preacher.”

“I also shouldn’t have worn a shirt that said ‘hail satan’ to their sermon.”

“You what?”

“Look, in my defense,” Cassie is covering her mouth and laughing, a welcomed sight, “I don’t think, okay, you think I think and I just don’t alright.”

Dahlia is laughing through her own words, face flushed red at being the butt of the joke, but if it can bring a smile to Cassie’s face right now she’d make a thousand more mistakes like it. Faith’s little melodic giggles ring out behind her own hand. Joseph doesn’t laugh but he does smile. With the tension of Cassie’s housing eased, everyone seems in a brighter mood.

“And despite all that, you still like her?” Cassie asks, looking up at Joseph and Faith.

“I’d get mad but like, fair fuckin’ question.”

“I’ve forgiven sins and transgressions far greater than yours, deputy,” Joseph says and his eyes are intense, kind, but the word sins makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up. It’s not a fun word, but most religions have a ‘everyone’s born a sinner’ mentality. So, surely she can’t be too upset.

“Your patience is both staggering and appreciated, I assure you,” Dahlia tells him, her smile a bit more forced than it was a moment ago. If he can tell he doesn’t say anything.

“Come on Cassie, I’ll introduce you to everyone and we’ll get you settled, okay?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

Faith grabs Cassie’s hand and leads her away with a giggle, the sigh of the flower adorned woman leading her away in the night reminds Dahlia of her odd dream before. The draw of Faith, the siren pulling someone away in the moonlight. But that’s silly, Dahlia tells herself, they’re climbing into a pickup truck drove by another church member, yelling goodbyes to Joseph and Dahlia with smiles on their face. Yet the image of a siren dragging a victim into the sea pricks at her mind, despite how asinine it may be.

Dahlia shakes her head, wondering why her nerves have suddenly ticked up. She’s over this, isn’t she? Eden’s Gate is good, she reminds herself, one of the few good things in this county that’s actually helping people instead of letting them drift into the cracks. Despite everything she’s heard, they’re good. Her personal issues is just fucking with her, that has to be it.

“Are you certain you’ll be okay, Deputy?” Joseph asks as the truck rolls down the curves of the road, disappearing over the horizon, Cassie gone with it.

“Uh, yeah, gave the guy a hell of a shiner so he should cut the shit for a while. Should be fine.”

“Is it?”

“Fuck if I know, but what am I gonna do, sit around and cry about it?”

“I certainly wouldn’t expect you to, but if something does happen, you know you can come to me.”

“Yeah, uh, it means a lot,” Dahlia scratches at the back of her neck, his gaze too intense again, “and thanks again for helping out Cassie. It means a lot, I really don’t know if I can thank you enough.”

“You could always attend church, if you wanted to show thanks.”

“Patient but persistent, I see, but, uh, not quite ready to cash in that promise yet.”

“I understand but, I’d be remiss if I didn’t caution you. My patience may be staggering, but the world is not so kind. Time is finite and you window for finding salvation may be closing quicker than you know.” His voice is fevered and impassioned, hints of a southern accent peeking through as his intensity rises, awash in moonlight the glow of it around turns from a halo to an eerie glow.

“Okay, not holding back, are you?” Dahlia tries to laugh it off, religious folks are just like this sometimes, aren’t they?

“I would be doing you a disservice if I did.”

“So…you think the worlds ending?” She asks, trying to keep her tone light, the only other interpretation of her window closing is Joseph’s convinced she’ll die soon.

“You don’t?” He questions, brows furrowed, as if the idea of the world not ending is ridiculous. And…she kind of gets that.

“I didn’t say that,” she moves to lean her back against the church building, standing next to Joseph instead of before him, looking at the stars, “I mean eventually humans are gonna destroy the planet, climate change, corporate pollution, not to mention us just trying to kill each other half the time. And even if we don’t fuck it up, eventually time will, sun’s going to go to the next stage and destroy the earth. So…”

“You sense it coming, too..” He presses his back against the wood next to her, no longer focusing his stare on her but the moon, maybe he sense her unease with his gaze…

“Yeah…I guess, don’t know when or how, but eventually…”

The itch of nerves under her skin is too strong, she digs a cigarette from it’s pack and lights it, smoking against the church building. John warned her it’s forbidden by Eden’s Gate, that Joseph wouldn’t like such an act, but he doesn’t stop her in the moment. Whether it’s another moment of him showing her kindness or just consideration for her not being apart of the church, she doesn’t know.

“Yet, you still put off salvation.”

“Okay,” she exhales a plume of smoke, “I’ll bite, what’d that fix?”

“When the world collapses those who’ve followed the path to Eden, confessed their sins, atoned, and made their sacrifice will be the ones who walk into the garden, into New Eden. A world cleansed of sin and turmoil. The world will be pure again, free of pain.”

New Eden sounds like their heaven, essentially, to Dahlia. So, nothing truly new by any religious standards. Almost every Christian religion has a doomsday, revelation, apocalypse, end of the world and those who do what god wants get to be super happy in some magic paradise, while everyone else burns. Same stuff, new label.

“Well, as much as your concern for my immortal soul is appreciated, I’m gonna have to pass.”

“You’ll come to understand eventually… I just hope it’s not too late.”

She scratches at the back of her neck again, his words leaving a bad taste in her mouth that mingles with the nicotine, it feels dismissive of her… Like he claims to know her feelings and where they’ll end up better than she does. There’s a habit among those older than her to assume they know how the world works more than she does, she chalks it up to an old man thing, and lets it roll off her back. He still helped her, despite his faults.

“We’ll have to agree to disagree, but I do appreciate everything, I’ll have to when I get a chance call Cassie and see how she’s settles in.”

“I’m afraid that won’t be so simple.”

“What?” She turns to look at Joseph now, raising an eyebrow, why wouldn’t she be able to call Cassie?

“While Cassie is staying with us, we do expect her to abide by our rules. There are no cellphones permitted in the convent, I’m sure you understand.”

“Oh,” Dahlia blinks, “guess that explains why not a single person was on their phone at the barbecue.”

“Smartphones and social media have eroded people’s values, they’re more concerned with it than they are their own family.”

“Okay, okay, I get it; the convent have a landline or Satan manage to get through that too?” His expression hardens, unimpressed by her quip, though she can’t help but smile. After a moment, he sighs.

“There is a landline available there, but it’s typically reserved for church matters. If you wish to check on her, visiting and writing letters would be ideal.”

“Got it, I’ll keep that in mind,” she moves from her spot against the church exterior, “thanks again, Joseph. I’ll talk to you, later.”

“Have a nice night, Deputy.”

“You too.”

Dahlia stubs out her cigarette once she’s outside the compound’s gates, climbing onto her motorcycle. She didn’t realize how isolated Cassie might be there, if she’s not even allowed to call her friend. It just doesn’t sit right. But, Joseph’s far from the only old religious man to claim technology is bad. And if Cassie is living with them, it’s natural to expect her to follow the same guidelines as everyone else. It was already asking a lot for them to house her, it’d be unthinkable to expect special treatment as well.

The trailer park is far calmer when she rides through, damage already done, Dahlia sighs at the sight of all the havoc they caused. It’s already well past midnight, but her night is far from done. There’s glass to be cleaned up and windows to be covered until she can get supplies to fix them properly. She could care less about the spray paint and if needed she can sleep through the chill, but she’d at least like to not sleep on broken glass.

She’s parked and locked up her bike, walking up her porch when she hears the crush of steps, someone clearing their throat. Liam stands, hands in his pockets and a mottle of bruises across his eye. His blues eyes look anywhere but her.

“Dude, seriously, just go. I-”

“I’m sorry…,” he mumbles, clearing his throat again, searching for words, “I didn’t know she was in there, I really didn’t. Clyde said she left out and he hadn’t seen her come back, we thought the place was empty and-”

“And? You could have killed her, ignorance don’t cure third degree burns!” She’s taken steps towards him, nearly yelling in his face now, she can see hurt in his face. He may not have meant to take a life, but in one dumb moment he nearly did and he damn well needs to know that.

“I know, I know, I just…no one got hurt, she, she ain’t hurt, right?”

“No, thank fuck, but that doesn’t make it okay? Even if you didn’t hurt you, you scared the fuck out of her, this was suppose to be a safe place for her and you destroyed that!”

“I’m sorry, okay, I… I can’t fuckin’ say sorry enough and I mean it. I just we were drinking and thought we’d see if we could run ya out of here, it got out of hand.”

“You hate cops, I get that, I do and quite frankly you wanna give me hell, have at it. There ain’t anything you can do to me that hasn’t already been done. But shit like that doesn’t just affect me, hell, you could of set the whole damn place on fire.”

“Yeah, I, fuck I nearly pulled a Sharky.”

“I’m…not sure what you mean by that, ‘cause last thing I saw that man do was…very different. But, uh, if you’re doing that too you should stop.” Her stomach churns at the reminder of Boshaw in his jeep, she really was hoping she repressed that.

“I don’t even wanna know,” Liam shakes his head, “but I am sorry about Cassie…I’d like to apologize to her, if she’s around.”

“Fat chance of that man, I found her another place to stay, she’s somewhere safe and far away from your ass.” The convent isn’t particularly far away, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“I deserve that.”

“Fuck yeah, you do.”

“Well, I said my piece, I assume I’ll be seeing the inside of a cell tomorrow?”

She chews her lip for a moment, he strikes her as genuine, in both his remorse and ignorance. He wasn’t trying to become a murderer, he only mean to run her out of the trailer park. And at the end of it all, Cassie is safe.

“Nah man, it’ll be fine, so long as you don’t pull this shit again. You do and I’ll be in jail for killing your ass.”

“Gotcha…thanks…I think.”

“Now, fuck off, I got a mess to clean. Unless you care enough to help?”

“Hell no, have fun, narc,” Liam scoffs at the idea and leaves, clear his remorse was only ever for Cassie’s sake. Asshole. She watches him vanish into his own trailer before finally walking into her own to start on her night of work.

That night and next day are monotonous, mess cleaned up and windows covered just as the sun starts to rise over the horizon. Muscles aching and a damp sweat clinging to her skin, she showers and catches a few hours of sleep. When she wakes up she’s off to the local hardware store and buying what she needs to fix the windows, as well as some damage done inside the trailer.

The sun is setting on the next day by the time all the damage is attended to, well everything but the graffiti of PIG across the outside of the trailer. But, she doesn’t have the energy to wash it away. Lounging around her living room after another shower, Dahlia finds her mind drawn back to Cassie and The Seeds.

No phone calls, only letter writing. It seems so unnecessarily archaic in the modern age, though she may mostly be whining because her handwriting is completely illegible. It’s too late to drop in on the convent, plus she doesn’t particularly want to move. After last night, she likes the idea of a lazy night. And with her long at time hard to predict workdays, it may not be possible to swing by for more than a moment until the weekend.

She doesn’t have to write her letter, at least not by hand, she decides as she opens her laptop. She’ll type it up and print it out at the station, then she can send it like a proper letter, to appease Joseph’s hatred of tech.

“Hey, Cassie, Deputy whatever (did I tell you my last name, legit can’t remember?) here. Joseph said you guys can’t like call? I guess? But you can get letters, so given my handwriting, typing it instead. I just wanted to check in on you, make sure you’re settling in. Maybe this weekend I can visit? I’ll treat you to lunch.”

That sounds alright, she decides, saving the typed letter. She drums her fingers against the table, searching for something else to maintain her attention. The Book of Joseph with her drawing tucked inside of it is still nearby, Joseph’s lecture of last night coming to mind. Maybe, she could write him a thank you letter? He seems like the kind of guy who’d appreciate that, she opens another document.

“Dear Joseph,

That’s how you format a letter, right? Sorry, social media has “eroded” my soul and the art of letter writing is lost on my generation. That’s a joke, I hope it’s somewhat funny, if not sorry. My handwriting is atrocious, so I hope a typed letter still fits into your beliefs, since I’m trying here. I just wanted to thank you in some small way, despite some of our different beliefs, you’ve been incredibly kind to me and my friend. I read somewhere that drawings can be like gifts? So, I drew something for you. I hope it’s a nice gesture and not creepy, but it can’t be as creepy as the portrait in your book and creepy is kind of your thing, so. Also a joke, I promise I’m trying to be funny not mean… I’ll end this now, thanks again, Me, Cassie, and my eroded damned soul appreciate it. “

Dahlia saves the letter to Joseph, it’s messy and awkward, but so is she. She’ll print and mail them both out tomorrow. Hopefully, she won’t have to put her proper name on an envelope to send it. The idea of no one knowing her name is fun, she wants to play into it. The mysterious deputy who no one knows, sounds way cooler than she is.

She stretches her arms out and puts her laptop aside, grabbing the Book of Joseph, the conversation with Joseph has renewed her interest in learning more about his beliefs. Even if they don’t align, even if she’ll never believe in god, the least she can do is try to understand. She made harsh initial judgments and still struggles with her past effecting her thoughts, making what could be nothing into red flags, this is a way to make amends. Even if Joseph isn’t able to see her efforts, it means something to her, growing as a person.

“Not ice cream trucks, not social services cars, not even police patrols.

In any case. In these parts, people kept their noses out of other people's business, even when that business took place on a porch out in the open.

The father thrashed his arms furiously while the boy, young Joseph Seed stood with his head bowed, contrite and seemingly fixated on the floorboards. If he had looked up, he would have seen the kaleidoscopic colors of an old issue of Spiderman flashing by, alternating with the smooth black leather of his father's Bible and the ruddy face of the father himself. He would have seen the grey teeth-few and far between-of Old Man Seed, as the locals called him, or Old Man Seed behind his back, as Josephs big brother Jacob had snickered to him. Dental care was not a priority in the Seed household. The money was needed for other things. So, his father's teeth always reminded Joseph of the rocky crags that pirate ships washed up on in picture books at the library.”

She tries to see them, a young Joseph and Jacob on their porch. It’s both easy and difficult all at once. A part of her can easily see in her mind, the two young boys with freckled faces and bright blue eyes, one ginger and the other brunette. But, connecting that to who she knows to be Joseph and Jacob Seed is more difficult. It’s always weird to imagine old people when they were young, old to her she should specify. To imagine the mountain that is Jacob Seed as a young boy, laughing behind his abusive father’s back. To see Joseph as a little boy reading comic books and pirate stories. The images seem so far removed from the tall intense older men she knows now.

The life they’ve lived is one she knows well, no media beyond the bible, and beatings for breaking rules. But, her own abuser was more hidden, pretending to be a pillar of the community with his wonderful little church while beating her black and blue behind closed doors. Behind a church following service was the most brazen he ever became; it’s hard to imagine a man bold enough to beat his children in broad daylight on his porch. Though, she has no doubt what she reads is true. She’s seen Joseph’s back, his distaste for shirts making every scar a public display, she knows the lash marks well. Her own back marred with them as well.

It makes her wonder, how they could be so different in their takeaways… Joseph if anything has turned to religion, leading his own church and group, taking issue with the sinfulness of modern media. Though, by no means an abuser, it’s hard to debate that he now shares qualities with his father, if only regarding religiosity.

Dahlia once heard that people grow up to be their parents, particularly their same sex parents. Which is an all at once terrifying prospect for most people, but especially for people like her and the Seeds. The prospect she could be anything like her mother, watching passively as her own child is abused, bending to the will of a man and losing herself completely; is downright terrifying. Dahlia is determined to not let that happen, but it’s still a fear. She can see ways they match; both physically and in certain traits. Dahlia wonders if Joseph sees the way he matches his father and if those qualities scare him too. If he worries his faith has turned him into that same monster. She wonders too about Jacob, if his surliness is a part of that, if he sees any of his father in himself.

“The priority in the Seed household, as everyone in the neighborhood knew, was cheap whiskey, which the father drank from dawn 'til dusk. The more whiskey that went in, the more Bible verses that came out -and the more often his children felt the switch.

The cause of the paternal fury was simple: comics were forbidden in the home - comics and books, records, magazines, radio, and television. Only the Bible was allowed.

Once, when the entire elementary school went to see Gone with the Wind at an old theatre in town, Joseph's father had leapt up in rage like a drunken jack-in-the-box, and before stunned teachers and students, launched into a rambling sermon condemning the sins of Hollywood, insisting this Babylon had long perverted the most fragile of minds and was responsible for the downfall of all of America, with Joseph under one arm and Jacob under the other, he stormed out of the room still hurling curses.”

Dahlia doesn’t have many blessings to count, but Monroe never dragged her from school with a sermon. Only making her withdraw and begin homeschooling the moment he learned the public school had the nerve to provide even shoddy sex education. But she’d take a quiet withdrawal from the system over being physically dragged out before everyone.

“This time, when they arrived home, he beat Jacob only, because he was the eldest and thus responsible for his younger brother. At least the brothers had had time to see Atlanta burn. Thus, when Old Man Seed stood on the porch and began sliding off his belt, the child simply removed his T-shirt, folded it carefully, and bent over to offer his pale, delicate back to the worn-out strap of leather.

Joseph's head was turned toward the well maintained- at least by local standards - house of a quiet, gentle widow. He considered it a blessing, if a small one. Facing the other way, he would have had to look at the other neighbor's house, which even by local standards was so run-down as to be hideous to the eye. When they were younger, the widow used to bake them cakes, probably out of pity for them. The children's mother wasn't exactly an impressive chef. She wasn't exactly a loving mother either. But the widow didn't bake much of anything anymore now that she was dying of cancer. Instead, she spent her days in her porch rocking chair, rain or shine, tottering gently. Jacob and Joseph argued over whether the groaning came from the wooden rocking chair or the old women.”

Dahlia closes the book, marking the page at that point, she can’t deny the intensity of the content and the impact it has on her. She can only stomach so much at a time, trauma too close to her own. Talks of a lackluster mother and the kindness of strangers only adding to it all. Maybe one day she’ll talk to Joseph about this, how he can bless those who hurt him in such a way, how he has managed to be so open about it. It all seems to be a level of maturity she can’t imagine reaching, how much work and growth does it take to accomplish that?

She falls asleep that night thinking of just how much work she has left to do, just how far she has to go as a person. How long will it take her to be okay with her past? Thoughts fade to black as she succumbs to her heavy eyelids.

The sun is bright and high in the bright blue sky, deceptively cherry for what her and Pratt are being called out to. Despite shifting opinions on Joseph, she can’t deny that the statue still creeps her the fuck out. As they drive further upward, the sheer scale of the cement monument takes her breath away. How much time and work went into that? Joseph doesn’t seem to have an ego, but to an outsider this downright makes him look like a narcissist. They don’t go fully up the mountain, where the trail forms stone circular steps and rings around the base of the statue. From where they park, she can see gazebos with flowers woven into them that line the open space around it.

There’s a small crowd waiting for them at the base of the mountainside the statue is built on, a section of it just beneath the stone Joseph’s hand is carved slightly down. Ledges with spots to grapple along comes down to the ground. The statue blocks out the sun when they stand beneath it, the visage of Joseph towering over them like a kaiju is both terrifying and hilarious to the young deputy.

The ambulance is already there, body bag being brought inside of it, sparing the deputies from seeing what remained of the person after they jumped. Rocky ground where the man would have hit is painted with a white Eden’s Gate symbol, blood now staining the dark rock and white paint.

Faith and a few Eden’s Gate members are nearby. The youngest Seed sits on a stone, adorned in one of her delicate white dresses, her blonde hair pulls back in a soft ponytail today. Her feet are still bare, as if someone’s blood isn’t mere inches from her, as if a body bag isn’t being rolled into an ambulance. Faith leans back on her hands, humming softly, kicking her feet gently in tune to her little song. Does this even faze her?

“Not much to do here,” the EMT tells Pratt and Dahlia, “another suicide, guy hit his head off the cliff before he even reached the ground, dead on arrival.”

“This happen a lot?” Dahlia asks, looking between Pratt and the EMT. They talked as if this happens every day.

“Kinda, “ Pratt admits, “I mean, it’s easy to access and tall as fuck, people have been jumping off to die since the peggies finished building it.”

“Hope County’s version of The Golden Gate Bridge.”

“That’s…fucked.”

“We gotta get to the morgue, call the next of kin, don’t know if there’s much else for you all to handle.”

“Alright, thanks for the help.”

Pratt and Dahlia wave off the EMT as the ambulance drives away; leaving the deputies with Faith and the Eden’s Gate members. It’s only natural to ask the owners of the statue a few questions, if they saw or heard anything. Faith seems to know this, given her soft smile as she waits for them, this really must be a normal occurrence.

“Hello, deputies,” she greets them as they wander off, “it’s a shame really, that a symbol of hope is used by the hopeless to end their own suffering.”

“I’m sure your heart is breaking, but, don’t suppose there’s any chance you saw anything?’

“No, I’m afraid no one was here this morning or late last night.”

“Of course,” Pratt says, more annoyed than anything and if this is the typical, Dahlia can understand why. There’s not much they can really do, it’s a tragedy, but unless there was another party involved it’s not really a police matter.

But, Dahlia wonders why the statue is so enticing a spot for suicide? It’s tall of course, the fall is a certain death. But, there are so many bridges around as well, not that she’s in that mental state at the moment but she imagines falling into water to die would be more enticing than hitting rock. And it’s odd as well, that the impact spot is marked with their symbol.

“Why is the ground painted?”

“Hmm?” Faith hums out an inquisitive noise, blinking at the deputy’s sudden question.

“The ground here, your church symbol is on it, I was just wondering why? Doesn’t seem like you can or would do much in this exact spot?”

Dahlia’s reminded of a bible passage, one of many she recalls from her childhood. The story of Satan trying to tempt Jesus to jump from a high cliff in Jerusalem, that if he’s truly the child of god he’d be safe, to give a leap of faith. It sticks in the back of her mind, nagging at her, surely that wouldn’t be a thing?

“Oh, I know it’s silly, but we like to put our symbol of hope and faith wherever we can, even in the smallest of places.”

“Uh, this isn’t like a thing, is it?” Dahlia asks before she can stop herself.

“Rook,” Pratt scolds her for the accusatory question. But Faith giggles.

“You really have a vivid imagination, don’t you, Rook? I don’t imagine we’d keep many members if we were pushing them off a statue.”

“Yeah, sorry,” that was dumb, Dahlia realizes the second she hears it out loud, “I think I’ve been watching too many horror movies.”

“Next, you’ll be accusing us of drugging our members,” Faith says, giggling with a soft smile on her face and Dahlia laughs along, yeah, she’s being ridiculous.

“Okay, well with that out of the way, we’ll get out of your hair,” Pratt speaks up, ready to go back to the station, not that there was much for them to do.

“Uh, actually, I did wanna ask you something, real quick, about Cassie,” Dahlia pipes up, before they leave. Pratt raises an eyebrow, looking at Dahlia.

“She’s settling in really well, she already feels like a part of the family, I assure you.” Faith squeezes Dahlia’s shoulder, warm in it’s reassurance.

“Thanks, I’m hoping I can visit before too long.”

“Oh, that’d be wonderful!” Faith captures both of Dahlia’s hands this time, grinning and stepping into the deputy’s personal space. Her and Joseph are both so touchy, it catches her off guard.

“Well, it’s been nice talking to you Faith, but we really need to be headed back now, c’mon, Rook.”

“Coming,” Dahlia calls out following behind a fast walking Pratt, one final wave goodbye to Faith.

Dahlia is fastening her seat belt in the cruiser, Pratt starting up the engine and taking them back down that winding road. There’s a palpable tension that eases with every step away from that statue. Whoever at Eden’s Gate approved it is ridiculous.

“Didn’t know you and Faith were so close.”

“We get along alright, her and Joseph helped me out this weekend.”

“What, you ditch the barbecue to hang out with peggies?”

“No,” she rolls her eyes, “my friend Cassie was staying with me, some shit happened at the Moonflower, they offered to help her out.”

“Since when do you have friends?”

“Hahaha, hilarious. Look, it’s not like I planned for shit to go sideways, why do you even care?”

“I don’t.”

“Sure seems like you do.”

“I don’t, you wanna run around with peggies, that’s your business, but it’s not gonna do you any favors around here.”

“Oh no, are the popular girls not gonna like me if I sit with the peggies?” Dahlia says with mock worry, pressing her hand to her chest. What kind of high school bullshit is this?

“Shut up, I’m fuckin’ serious, the only people who like peggies are peggies. Since when do you like that shit anyway?”

“I don’t like it, I’m not into religion, you know that. Just, I don’t know, doesn’t mean they aren’t chill.”

“Eden’s Gate is not fuckin’ chill, they’re weird and a pain in the ass.”

“They’re definitely weird, you know social media has eroded my soul?”

“What they find out you shared John’s shitty commercial on Twitter?”

“Huh, no? How’d you know that?” Dahlia’s careful to keep herself hard to identify online, her Twitter has no name, job, or location. Though, unless Eden’s Gate is broadcasting their cheesy crap all over the nation, that’d be easy for a Hope County Native too figure out.

“Petunia’s your icon on there.”

“I didn’t realize you could tell the difference in opossums.” In Dahlia’s defense, Petunia looked adorable eating her lunch that day and again, she assumed anyone would just think it was a random opossum picture.

“I know Petunia when I see her, give me some credit,” he rolls his eyes, “you know John’s gonna kill you if he does find out.”

“Well, it’s a damn good thing Eden’s Gate doesn’t use social media then.”

“Ah, yes, because as we all know no one ever disobeys their religion. I for one am still a picture perfect altar boy.”

“Loo-you’re Catholic?” The realization hits her and she looks bewildered at her partner’s profile. Granted, she rarely thinks about anyone’s religion, but for Pratt it seems all the more confusing. He hardly seems religious by any standard.

“I was raised Catholic,” he specifies and she nods her head, “Joey was too.”

“Neither of you are anymore?”

“I really can’t be bothered to give a fuck about it anymore, it is what it is, pretty sure Joey completely gave up on any of it.”

“There’s not a lot of practicing Catholics in this area, is there?” She’s pretty sure Montana is mostly protestants.

“No, the church in Falls End is Hope’s Catholic church, and it’s always been small. Me and Joey were damn near the only kids even.”

Dahlia can’t help but smile, thinking of Hudson and Pratt as kids. She always had the feeling they’d known each other for a long while, both talking about Hope County like they’ve been here all their lives. Hudson is a little older, but not much, so it just makes sense that in this small a place they’d known each other as children.

“How long have you guys known each other?”

“We playing fifty questions or something?”

“I’m curious!”

“No, your turn asshole. You wanna grill me on religion and shit, you get it back.”

“You already know how I feel about religion.”

“I know you didn’t wanna go to church and were a weirdo about it, that’s it.”

“Uhh,” she breathes, he’s right that it’s only fair to answer the same questions he answered for her, “my actual dad was Catholic, my mom was Jewish, then she remarried a fundie Preacher, Pentecostal, so that’s how I was raised, unfortunately.”

“So, you were zigzagged all over as far as that goes.”

“Eh, I mean, before she remarried, neither my mother or dad were like devout or felt they had to raise me a certain way. Like, I think I vaguely remember getting both Christmas and Hannukah when I was three?” She tries to pull up the fuzzy memory of when her mother, back when she was a true mother, helped her light a menorah and her dad hoisted her up to put a star on a modest Christmas tree.

“You believe in anything nowadays.”

“I consider myself an atheist at best.”

“At worst?”

“Well, if god does exist, he’s an asshole and I’d like to break his nose.”

That gets a laugh out of Pratt and Dahlia grins, she knows it sounds silly, but it’s true. How she genuinely feels, she doesn’t think anyone is watching over them, no singular or multiple gods, but if any creator can watch idly by as everyone suffers… Not someone she’d want to be worshipping, quite frankly.

The day winds down with little else for the deputies to do. Beyond the station windows the sky starts to turn pink, sun setting on another workday. Dahlia is fiddling with her phone, walking out of the station.

“You coming to The Spread Eagle tonight,” Hudson asks her, “I know you haven’t really been since that asshole gave you a hard time.”

“Oh uh, yeah, I could tag along.” Dahlia scratches at the back of her neck, feeling the heat climb up her face. She can see concern in Hudson’s olive-green eyes, which isn’t helping the blush across the young deputy’s face.

“C’mon then, probie,” Pratt calls out, giving Dahlia a playful smack on the shoulder as he passes by.

It’s the usual sight as Stray walks into The Spread Eagle; rock-folk music on the Jukebox tonight, couples dancing or sharing drinks, workers in flannels and dirty boots grabbing a drink after a long day. They slide into their usual seats, the youngest deputy between her two superiors, there’s a warmth to the low lights and wood interior. Mary May’s soft smile greeting them as she serves the rest of the patrons.

“I don't care if it rains!

Let's all go to the bar!

I don't care if there's a hurricane!

Let's all go to the bar!”

“I’ve been stuck on desk duty all day,” Hudson speaks over the music, starting the evening conversation with a groan, “so please tell me you two had something interesting happen.”

“Suicide out at Joseph’s statue, that’s about it.” Dahlia shrugs, nothing else really of note.

“Ugh, if I was near that statue I’d kill myself too.”

“It gives my heebie jeebies the heebie jeebies, not gonna lie.”

“Really, Rook, but Joseph’s your new best friend, remember?” Pratt cuts in to taunt the Junior Deputy.

“I have a finger for you.”

“You aren’t buddying up with the Seeds, are you deputy?” Mary May’s voice rings out as she sets drinks and food in front of the three officers, they hadn’t even ordered yet. Dahlia’s seen her do it with Hudson and Pratt, knowing the two deputy’s order inherently after years of routine. But it’s the first time she’s done it for Dahlia, knowing the youngest deputy’s favorite burger and soda. It’s nice and she’d love to spend a moment appreciating the coziness of it, but the weight of the bartender’s question hangs in the air.

“No,” Dahlia assures her, though a part of her feels guilty, as if she’s compromising loyalties, “they helped me and a friend out, that’s all.”

“Eden’s Gate doesn’t help anyone without expecting something in return, I know you’re new around here, deputy, but you need to be careful around them. They’ll do anything to have another cop wrapped around their finger.”

“Woah woah,” Dahlia holds her hands up in mock surrender, “it was just a little favor, nothing big I promise.”

“You don’t get it, that fami-“

“I think Merle is trying to flag you down for another beer,” Pratt interjects, saving Dahlia from the rest of the lecture.

“Yeah, uh, just be careful, deputy.” With that Mary May leaves them to serve Merle, some man with a mullet, another beer.

“Sorry about that,” Pratt says, “forgot how weird she gets about the Seeds.”

“Can’t blame her for it though, John Seed’s had it out for her family since they came here.”

“I would like to change the subject.”

“Pfft,” Pratt stifles a laugh at her blunt declaration, “alright, we can do that.”

“Well, okay, how’d your break go?”

“Mostly boring, other than when Pratt took me flying.”

“You took her up in the helicopter?” Hudson asks, raising an eyebrow at the male deputy over Dahlia’s shoulder.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“You seriously pulled that move on her?”

“Shut up.”

“Move?”

“Pratt has a habit of bringing girls up in the helicopter, don’t you?”

“I plead the fifth.”

“Oh, uh, I don’t know it was fun, though.” Dahlia shrugs, she doesn’t really care if he brings other people up in the helicopter. She’s not really sure how it’s relevant or what Hudson means by it being a move; she had fun with her friend and he cheered her up.

“Hear that, Joey, it was fun. Don’t put weird ideas in Rookie’s head. “

“Oh yeah, blame me.”

“So, anything interesting happen at the station while I was gone?”

“Well,” Hudson smirks, mischief in her eyes as she glances at Pratt again.

“She doesn’t need to know about that.”

“I think she does, the day after you went on leave-”

“I’d like to change the subject,” Pratt cuts Hudson off, mimicking Dahlia from earlier.

“I don’t even know what the subject is yet!” The youngest deputy objects, laughing.

“Well, a certain someone’s mom felt the need to come down to the station and let Whitehorse know just how wrong he is to put her precious son in harm’s way.”

“Oh my god,” Dahlia says, unable to resist smiling, while Pratt’s buried his head in his hands, “your mom came to the station?”

“Yes, yes, laugh it up.”

“You call me a child and you have your mommy checking in on you at work?”

“I didn’t invite her!”

Pratt’s face is flushed bright red while Hudson and Dahlia laugh at his expense, but despite the embarrassing aspect, Dahlia can’t help but think it’s a little endearing. His mom must really love him.

“She worry about you a lot?” Dahlia asks, core aching from laughing.

“Ugh, that’s a fuckin’ understatement.”

“Mama Pratt’s always been a little too worried about her baby boy,” Hudson taunts, reaching over the table to pinch at Pratt’s cheek, only for him to smack her hands away.

“I’m sure that went over great when you went into law enforcement.”

“She still gets furious at Whitehorse for putting us in danger.”

“Us?”

“She wasn’t very happy about me becoming a cop either,” Hudson admits and that makes sense, given what Pratt’s told Dahlia about them being close as kids, surely she’d be close to his mother.

“And if she meets you, she’ll be in Whitehorse’s ear again.”

“Huh?”

“I can hear it now, ‘how could you put that little girl in danger, what’s wrong with you?’” Hudson tries her best to mimic Pratt’s mother, grinning at the ridiculousness of it, and despite herself…the idea of his mom doting on her the way she would Hudson. As if Dahlia could be as close to either of them, even if the idea of being seen as a vulnerable little girl is a bit patronizing.

“Not gonna lie, I really want to meet your mom now.”

“No.”

“C’mon!”

“No, not in a million years, I get enough hell from Joey and Beau, I don’t need it from you too.”

Their conversation continues late into the evening as it so often does, just a few hours shy of staying until closing, early mornings the only thing that keeps them from staying later. Around the same time as they have every other night, they leave and say their goodbyes. Pratt and Hudson heading back to the small set of apartment housing that resides in the little town, while the youngest deputy rides back to the trailer park.

She stops at the mailboxes, in the registration building, rows of them with their lot numbers associated with them. The printed letters for Cassie and Joseph heavy in her pocket. A part of her does feel guilty, mostly to Mary May, but it’s not as if they’re close friends and the bartender can’t expect Dahlia to avoid an entire family because of hearsay. And it’s not as if she’s joining up or spending every moment with them. She shakes her head, stupid feelings, it’s not as if she has to choose sides. She can be thankful for the Seed’s help and still get along with Mary May. She tucks the letters inside her mailbox to be sent out then heads into her trailer, throwing herself down on her couch to sleep for the night.

Hands on her, groping and prodding on Dahlia’s bare body. She screams and fights against them, unable to see whom they belong to, a mystery hidden by the logic of a dream. They feel different, but she sees no difference, each pair ink black as if monsters reaching from the void to defile her. They claw and grab; scratching over her ribs, locking fingers around her throat, squeezing at her thighs, and pressing over her mouth. The hands are everywhere and they smear black across her skin, smears and filth, reminders of their violation. They stain her skin, mark her flesh, and leave the aftermath of their violence on her body.

And she fights. She kicks and she pulls, but it only spurs them to grab her more. Dahlia lashes out at the void that touches her, but it does not retreat. She bites at the ink fingers that push into her tongue, but the digits only press deeper in, sliding into her throat.

She can’t be sure if she breaks away or they let her go, but their touch is gone, Dahlia dropping to her knees as if they were the only thing supporting her. Inky black slick across her skin where they touched her, heavy even on her tongue, finger prints within them.

And she wretches as flowers bloom from the stains they’d left on her. Small blue flowers blossom forth bursting through the flesh of her tongue, sprouting from her throat and gagging her, soft petals falling from her lips. Those same vibrant blue flowers burst forth from her throat where she was choked.

Red flowers bloom out from the flesh of her ribs, stacked blossoms along a single stem cutting through the tender skin, like blades. They follow the curve of the bones within her, just long beneath her breast where rough hands had torn at her skin.

White petals, the most familiar as they recur so often and are a constant sight within the county. They grow through the plush of her thighs, not even blood or black tarnishing them as they push through her skin. They wind and weave as they come through like petal ropes around her .

And her heart staggers a beat as a sunflower grows within it, then through her chest, a vivid yellow. Her eye burns, a pressure behind it as another great yellow bloom grows behind it, piercing the fragile membrane, blood falling from her socket, vision in the eye obscured from the flower that’s taken it’s place.

She’s awash of yellows, blues, whites, and reds. Turned into a cruel art piece, body aching as her skin is open, her lungs choked, her heart stuttering to beat, and body protesting in agony.

And she snaps awake, not jolting from her couch but twisting with a heavy cough, phantom tickles within her throat. She gags on something that doesn’t exist, heartbeat thundering and lungs burning. Dahlia takes a moment to gather herself, a cold sweat still clinging to her skin. Her clock informs her it’s four in the morning.

She pushes back the hair that’s fallen into her face and lights up a cigarette, inhaling nicotine to ease her shaky body and frayed nerves. These dreams have only been getting more frequent and they’re starting to fuck with her. She can’t live with having a heart attack every other night and barely getting sleep.

Once she’s filled her lungs with smoke, let the burning cigarette nearly singe her fingers before she tosses it out. Dahlia throws on the lights, blinking through the way it blinds her after so long of darkness, but she ignores the sleep heavy in her eyes as she grabs her drawing pad, sitting at her coffee table on the floor letting her mind lead her hand.

Sunflowers she knows, the flower iconic enough in identity for her to know it and with the white flowers being so around the county, she could easily be able to figure out what they are. She thinks they’re called moonflowers, given the name of the trailer park and that a field of them surround them. But she sketches them out, along with the other flowers she saw. Four types of flowers on the page. She needs to get them on paper while they’re fresh in her mind. And then in the crux of them all, she draws out the layered ones from her previous dreams.

She plans on looking them up, flowers have significance and meaning, she’s heard that before that people can plan bouquets to communicate messages. She’s never cared about flowers in her entire life, so she has no idea why on earth they’d such a recurring theme in her dreams be.

Dahlia feels more relaxed now that she’s smoked and gotten the images of the flowers on paper. She’ll search for her answers later, after she’s gotten more sleep. Nerves and body relaxed, she curls back up on her couch, letting herself fall into a dreamless sleep.

It’s a few hours past noon the next day, a slow day of just tickets, the young deputy’s head is against her own seatbelt. Her eyes are starting to close despite the amount of energy drinks she’s consumed. She managed to salvage a few hours of restful sleep, but not nearly enough to keep her awake through an already boring day. Her eyelids are impossibly heavy, each blink growing longer and longer.

“Rook!”

“I’m awake!” Dahlia says with a jolt, Pratt’s voice and a shake of her shoulder waking her back up.

“Are you?” Pratt asks while laughing and she pinches at the bridge of her nose, a headache coming on.

“I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“What were doing?”

“Wasn’t doing nothing; just bad dream,” she tells him, shrugging.

“Units near the Orchard please respond,” Nancy from dispatch’s voice crackles over their radio, they’re still in the Valley and maybe five minutes from the giant orchard.

“Deputy Pratt responding.”

“Debbie and Doug called in a robbery, suspect has fled the scene, but they’re still requesting an officer to file a report.”

“We’ll be there shortly,” he hangs up the receiver, “wake up, Rookie, we have to actually work today.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe,” he admits, acknowledging that it’ll likely just be an hour of talking, writing down a report, and then leaving.

They drive past the pumpkin farm, Dahlia unable to resist smiling when she sees Boomer playing with his owners, weaving through the gourds. She’s reminded of her first day, stopping to pet the dog to dispel her own nerves. Then the apple trees filter in, bright red and shining in the light. Each tree is overflowing, a few crates out fill with the fruit, apples that have fallen on the ground.

Pratt pulls up to the orchard’s packing facility past the market stall that advertises cider tasting. There’s a man and woman standing in front of the large open packing facility; the building painted red with green roofing, the open doors showing the crates and machines. The smell of crisp apples hits Dahlia as she gets out of the cruiser, mixing with the fresh air, she feels more awake than she was before. Rarely, but sometimes, the beauty of the county manages to lift her spirits.

“What’s going on?” Pratt asks the couple.

“Someone,” Debbie gives a pointed look at her husband Doug, arms crossed, “left the office key in the stall again, next thing we know, someone cleared out our safe.”

“Hey, don’t blame me.”

“Well who the fuck am I suppose to blame?”

“That fuckin’ church would be a goddamn start.”

The tension is palpable as the couple argues, body language tight and wrought with frustration. Stray can’t tell if Debbie is about to cry or scream, maybe both. Doug looks as if he’d like to rip the earth up and bury himself beneath it.

“Everybody calm down, did anyone see anything suspicious?”

“John fuckin’ Seed and his band of goons were here earlier, no one saw him grab the key, but no one else would have. Son of a bitch has it out for us.”

“Alright, you wanna take me back to the office, I’ll have a look around,” Pratt asks Doug.

“Yeah, no problem.”

“You mind staying out here and talking to me, Debbie?” Dahlia offers, she’s not the most comforting person in the world, but the older woman clearly needs to get some stuff off her chest.

“Yeah, I can do that.”

Doug and Pratt go back to the office within the packing facility, leaving Dahlia alone with Debbie.

“Lets find a place to sit down and just breathe for a minute, alright?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Debbie agree and Dahlia places what she hopes to be a comforting hand on the woman’s back, guiding her into the market stall where she saw benches.

She settles in across from Debbie, who wrings her hands together.

“No pressure and you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but if you need an ear, I’m willing to listen.”

“Don’t even know where to start, ever since John Seed set his sights on the orchard, it’s been a nightmare.”

“He been making life hard for you?”

“That’s the understatement of the god damn century, that church has been buying up properties since they got here. The railyard, the old summer camp, the veterans center, the conservatory; list goes on…I use to wonder why everyone sold out to them, but I fuckin’ get it now.”

“They’re persistent?”

“They’re fucking heartless. Me and Doug built this place from the ground up; John Seed made an offer and we said no. Next thing we know; roads are blocked so our shipments can’t go out, they buy up the fertilizer plant and we can’t use it to help the new crops, cargo trucks are toting away product in the dead of night, and now this shit. We’ve been hemorrhaging cash ever since he set his sights on us. Got an attorney involved and all they did was charge us.”

“I’m so fucking sorry, I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you.”

“We had a good year for crops, thought we’d break even if nothing else, then what little we got was taken. I can’t even pay my god damn workers, we’ve had to let go of folks who’ve been here for years because they couldn’t keep working for free cider.”

The woman lets out a breath, body deflating as she finally gets everything off her chest, but her blue eyes are brimming with tears. Dahlia offers her a tissue from her pocket, not sure what else she can do, watching the woman dab at her eyes. Despite the help Joseph and his church has given to Dahlia and Cassie, this sort of behavior can’t be enabled. Theodore was stealing booze from The Spread Eagle, on the order of John Seed, when she first came here. Lonny hasn’t exactly been shy about insinuating he should just be allowed to take her motorcycle. So, it’s not far fetched to imagine them getting greedy. As ironic as it is to attach a sin to church goers.

“They can’t do that shit.”

“But they do, no evidence though, nothing can be done. If the cops even bother to show up, no offense, but a lot of your station ain’t doing their fucking jobs.”

“No offense taken, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you every cops here for the right reasons. But, uh, if there’s something I can do to help, I want to.”

“Short of a miracle, I don’t think there’s much we can do. Take John’s next offer, try to fuckin’ survive.”

“There has to be a way for you guys to keep the orchard,” Dahlia murmurs more to herself than Debbie, at the end of it all the young deputy doesn’t have a dog in the fight. But, her heart does break for the couple and she wants to find some way to help.

“I’m willing to try anything at this point.”

“Ever think of doing any kind of apple festival or something? I mean people do that, sounds nicer than one for testicles.”

“Pssh,” she laughs a little at the way Dahlia wrinkles her nose, “it’d take a lot of work to get something like that set up.”

“I mean, do you really think the rest of the county won’t come together to help, you can do stands, have food, games, charge some money. I mean, it’s an idea.”

“We got stands for the market, don’t know if I can cook for a whole county though, if they even show.”

“Do you think Casey or Chad would help out?” Dahlia brings up the cooks from the Spread Eagle and Grill Steak. Small communities are suppose to come together in times of crisis, that’s the hope at least. Lloyd always told her that’s what he loved about Hope County and Reinette, everyone’s willing to pitch in.

“Maybe… Casey knows the runners of the Testy Festy too, he could help up get vendors and games set up, I…ya think we can actually do this?”

“Way I see it, best case scenario, it gets you through the rough spot, sticks it to John Seed, and you could do it every year for an income boost. Worst case scenario, you go down swinging, having some fun, and with friends by your side,” Dahlia tells her honestly with a shrug, she doesn’t want to give false hope, but even in worst case scenario, it’s worth it to go down swinging.

“That’s,” she smiles, tears clearing, she looks hopeful finally, “that’s hard to argue with, you gonna help?”

“Of course, I can see about talking to Casey tonight even.”

“Deb?” Doug’s voice calls out and the women leave the market stall, Doug and Pratt have come back from the office Pratt raises an eyebrow, eye drifting from the now happy Debbie, to Dahlia. Silently asking her what the hell happened.

“There wasn’t anything that can pin it on anyone, no security footage or prints, sorry,” Pratt tells her.

“I figured… Doug, me and Deputy….” she searches for Dahlia’s name only to realize she doesn’t know it, “…her have been talking, what do you think about throwing together a festival?”

“A festival?”

“Yeah, we could get the county together, might just be what saves this place. I…just…I don’t wanna give up yet. She said she’d help, I think, I think we can do this.”

“We’d need to move fast and a festival take a lot of time to set up.”

“I mean, we get enough people on board, I can’t see why we can have it ready to go by, next Friday, the 10th?” Dahlia cuts in to help, that’d give them a little over a week, short notice but not impossible.

“You planning on helping?”

“Of course,”Dahlia beams, but no reason she can’t volunteer some more help, she throws an arm over Pratt’s shoulder, “we’d both be happy to help anyway we can.”

“What?” Pratt asks blankly and she just gives him a friendly smack on the chest, if he can force her into a church barbecue, she can damn well rope him into helping a local business.

“Well then, I think next Friday could work,” Doug admits.

“We could hold it Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. An entire weekend for everyone to come together, have some fun and maybe save this place,” Debbie tells him, smiling wide.

“Okay, lets do it.”

“Hell yeah.” Dahlia grins, the formerly frustrated and desperate couple are now smiling bright as can be. Warmth is burning in the rookie deputy’s chest, proud that she can help them get those smiles back.

“Yeah…well, guess I can help,” Pratt admits, still glaring at Dahlia in his peripheral, she’s just amazed he hasn’t pushed her off of him yet.

“I’ll try to talk to Casey tonight, if the bars too busy, I’ll try tomorrow. Then I’ll get in touch with Chad, ask around about music, games, anything we could need.”

“Gotta find a way to advertise it.”

“I’ll figure it out,” Dahlia tells them, confident she can put it together, “you guys worry about getting the orchard set up, getting food, cider, prices, and all that figured out. And if you need anything just call down to the station and ask for Rook.”

“Thank you, seriously, both of you.”

“No problem,” Pratt says, though there’s a sigh in his voice, “our probie here just loves to help people.”

“Well, it is my job, speaking of which, you said the church is blocking the roads?”

“Yeah, our trucks can’t even get a shipment out.”

“Do you know where they’re set up?”

“Yeah, the road that leads from Holland valley out to Missoula, if you follow it far enough, why?”

“Public roads legally can’t be blocked,” Pratt explains for her.

“So, we’re gonna pay them a quick visit.”

“Thanks again, we’ll be in touch, Deputy.”

They wave off the couple, saying their goodbyes as they climb back into the cruiser. A beat of silence passes without Pratt starting the engine.

“What the fuck, Rook?”

“What?”

“You know your getting yourself into deep shit, right? Pissing off the church right after they helped you out?”

“Them helping me out ain’t a free pass to do whatever they want. I can get along with someone and still hold them accountable for their bullshit. They have no right trying to railroad Debbie and Doug like that.”

“And you have no right dragging me into it.”

“You volunteered me for the fuckin’ church barbecue.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“We were off the clock, not work hours.”

“What about trying to pressure me into going to the Rye barbecue, while at Redlers, technically on the clock.”

“That was also different.”

“How?”

“’Cause you’re the rookie and I’m allowed to be mean to you.”

“No, that is not how that works!”

“Is too, the entire point of hiring rookie cops is to hassle them, you don’t get to hassle back.”

“Well, too bad, fucker we’re throwing an apple festival.”

“Jesus christ.”

“It’ll be fun.”

“It’ll be a pain in my ass,” he says, grumbling as he starts the engine, taking off out of the orchard.

Dahlia sticks her tongue out at him as they wind through the roads. Apple trees become the usual firs and pines, road signs starting to indicate they’re in route to Missoula. The young deputy watches the woods pass by, where the trees meet the blue sky, farmland occasionally breaking the landscape with cows meandering around.

It’s not long before they come to a stop and sure enough, large slabs of concrete are across the roadway. White trucks bearing the Eden’s Gate symbol are slotted behind them, black flags with the symbol in white stream from the back, and sturdier white vans are nearby as well. Members of the church are gathered there, woman with overgrown hair and men with hairy faces, a few she recognizes. All looking at the stopped cruiser with some measure of anger or worry.

“Hey, deputy,” it’s Waylon who greets Dahlia, smiling at her, “what seems to be the issue?”

“Your blocking public roads,” Pratt is the one to answer.

“Oh, see the thing if, the church is having some property worked on nearby. So, we really can’t have anyone driving through here, it’s temporary of course.”

“You can’t do that, though,” Dahlia explains, “if you need to fence off private property, you need to do it along the property line. Unless you have permission from the state, you cannot block public road access.”

“Deputy please, surely you understand.”

“Waylon,” she puts a hand on his shoulder, “you know we get along and I don’t have anything against the church, but blocking the road affects everyone else. If you really need roads blocked off, you need to contact the right people and get permits first, okay?”

“Understood.”

“Okay, then, just clear out and everything will be fine.”

He doesn’t seem happy, none of the church members do, but that’s the rules. She can’t even understand why’d they ever need to block the roads, if she didn’t know any better she’d think they were trying to keep people from leaving.

They drive the trucks and vans away; Dahlia and Pratt even helping move the concrete blockades off the road. Why do they even have those?

There’s still a sour note in the air once the block is cleared and the deputies have pulled away. She hates this weird back and forth; the church helping her but then doing something that gives her reason to doubt them. Wanting to be their friend but needing to put her foot down; wanting them and both the people who hate them to like her. Torn between the two as well as her child; like an unfortunate child in the midst of their parent’s divorce and she’s being forced to choose one.

It’s getting close to evening, when they pull up to the station to put in the report. The usual folks are in the bullpen, Hudson working at her computer with a mug of coffee and Brennan at his desk as well. The faces she’s come to know the best outside of Pratt. He plops himself down into his chair at his desk and Dahlia decides to grab another energy drink from the kitchen first.

She’s managed to rummage through the collection of tana cola bottle to find it, cracking it open with a yawn as she leaves the kitchen.

“…it wouldn’t have been so bad if Rook didn’t volunteer me for some bullshit.”

“Don’t be so fucking dramatic.”

“Jesus fuck,” Pratt jolts in his chair, nearly toppling it over, “that’s it, we’re getting you a god damn bell!”

“Didn’t know you were into that, Staci,” Brennan says with a snicker.

“Shut up.”

“Oh, please, no one’s buying it,” Hudson says, rolling her eyes.

“There’s nothing to buy, Rook is an annoying shit, who just grabbed me and volunteered me for bullshit.”

“You’re such a baby.”

Dahlia reaches out and flicks his ear, laughing when Pratt grabs her hand, fingers intertwining as he tries to push her back. She brings her other hand up, trying to reach out and flick him with her other hand. But he grabs it in the same way, the two pushing against each other, both grinning like children. She’s not even sure what the goal is and Pratt probably doesn’t either. But then his office chair wheels slide back from the force and she’s found a goal, pushing Pratt across the room. No particular reason for it other than the idea of watching him sail across the bullpen makes her giggle. But he won’t let go of her hands enough that she can push him without him dragging her too.

“The hell are you two doing?” Whitehorse’s voice booms out when he walks in to see the two deputies horsing around.

“Being idiots.”

“I don’t know, looks like flirting to me.”

Hudson’s insult and Brennan’s teasing makes red flush up the two bickering deputy’s cheeks. They’re technically holding hands and leaning into each other’s personal space, Dahlia realizes. Pratt suddenly drops her hands, jolting away as if her skin has burnt his, and pushing his chair away from her. Nearly toppling over a trashcan in his haste.

“Yeah why the hell you holding my hand, Rookie?”

“You grabbed my hand first, asshole!”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

“You did.”

“You absolutely did.”

Hudson and Brennan agree with Dahlia, Pratt’s face going from pink to scarlet. Whitehorse rolls his eyes, no doubt questioning his hiring decisions. How any of them still have jobs is a mystery, except Hudson.

“How’d things go at the orchard?” The sheriff asks, adjusting his cowboy hat. He really does look like such a stereotype.

“We couldn’t find any evidence of who broke into the office, they grabbed the key, so I told Doug he should look into changing the locks and investing in some security cameras. They’re dead set on it being John or someone with the church though,” Pratt explains, rolling his chair back up to his desk.

“You know it was,” Brennan scoff, “damn church is destroying the whole county.”

“Now, now, you can’t go making accusations without evidence, I just hope Debbie and Doug can bounce back.”

Dahlia doesn’t miss the roll of Brennan’s eyes and the sneer on his lips, he doesn’t like Eden’s Gate or Whitehorse’s attitude towards them it seems. She’s rarely seen the officer without a smile, but lips curled and leg bouncing, he seems a moment away from flipping the desk in front of him.

“Well, if Rook’s plan works, they’ll do fine.”

“Your plan?” Whitehorse looks at her with a raised eyebrow; her fellow deputies and Brennan all look at her expectantly as well. She scratches at the back of her neck, skin prickling at the attention.

“Oh, uh…well, I figured they could do like an apple festival, be fun for the county and help raise some money for ‘em.”

“That the plan you were bitching about, Pratt?” Brennan raises an eyebrow at him.

“It’s a pain in the ass and the Seed family is gonna be pissed.”

“So, apple pie and pissing off the Seeds, I’m fuckin’ sold,” Brennan sticks his fist out to Dahlia and she bumps her knuckles to his, grinning, “anything I can help with, just say the word.”

“Seriously, see why can’t you be my partner?”

“Hey, rude.”

“’Cause we’d never get Pratt to stop whining about it.”

“What the hell, you’re suppose to be on my side, Beau.”

“I don’t remember agreeing to that.”

“I’m willing to help out too if I can,” Hudson cuts in between the banter, eyes soft, “I still remember going apple picking there with my family, I don’t wanna see Doug and Debbie lose that place.”

“Yeah…that place has a lot of memories for everyone,” Pratt admits, hazel eyes deepening with nostalgia.

“Still remember the first year you came with us,” Hudson grins, “Mark tried to lift you up to grab an apple and you just started sobbing.”

“Your brother was trying to kill me and I stand by that,” Pratt smiles as he pretends to defend himself.

“When are Deb and Doug planning on having the festival?” Whitehorse asks Dahlia.

“Aiming for the next Friday, the 10th, they wanna see if they can do it the whole weekend too.”

“Lot of work to get done if that’s gonna happen.”

“I know, I’m planning on talking to Casey as soon as I can. See if he’ll help cook and if there’s any testy festy supplies or vendors he can help with.”

“Mary May has a live band that plays once a week, they might be willing to play,” Hudson offers.

“Think they’d work cheap or free? I’d hate to stiff anyone and I’ll pay whatever I have too out of my own pocket, but the last thing we want is the festival costing more than it makes,” Dahlia explains, leaning against the wall as she talks it out.

“If they’re not willing to work any or all of it, we could always talk to Wheaty too.”

“Wheaty?”

“Kid who lives up North,” Brennan points in the general North direction, “he’s been obsessed with starting a radio station for years, he’ll basically DJ anything for free just to show off his vinyl collection.”

“That could work too.”

“Addie would probably help with money for it, honestly, just throw some advertisements up for the Marina.”

“Hell, if me and Staci ask her, she’d probably do it anyway,” Brennan gives a wide toothy smile.

“Gross, but true.”

“Didn’t Grace use to do those shooting competitions at fairs and shit, letting people pay to try and outshoot her?”

“Yeah,” Hudson nods to Pratt’s suggestion, “she hates the attention, but if it’s for a good cause I’m sure she’d do it.”

“I don’t think the Fowler brothers would bring Cheeseburger, since they gotta watch what he eats, but they might be willing to bring down some animals for people to see.”

“Hell, if we could convince Rae Rae to bring Boomer; people will show up just get a picture of him.”

“Pie eating contest would draw people in too.”

“Lorna would probably make pasties for it if we asked.”

Dahlia can’t help but grin at all the ideas and suggestions; a fire seemingly ignited in everyone. There’s a warmth in her chest and a swelling sense of pride that she could get everyone on board. The orchard means a lot to the county, not just Debbie and Doug. And she may actually be able to save it.

“Woah woah, hold on now,” Whitehorse calls out and Dahlia stiffens, this technically isn’t police work, “is anyone writing all this down? Not gonna do anyone a lick of good if we forget something.”

He smiles, blue eyes soft as Hudson grabs a piece of paper, writing down the ideas that’ve been said so far. Whitehorse is giving his stamp of approval and that pride in her chest only swells bigger, thumping against her ribs and making her smile widen.

“Rook.”

“Yes, sheriff?”

“As long as you keep an ear to your radio, don’t see any reason you can’t work on some of this during work, alright?”

“Yeah, absolutely.”

“Good, Debbie and Doug deserve the best and we’re damn well gonna give it to ‘em, that’s an order.”

The sheriff ruffles her hair before he leaves and her face hurts from smiling so much. She pulls up a chair to the desk, sitting with Hudson, Pratt, and Brennan as they keep working on ideas. All four stay past their shift hours; scribbling down all possible ideas, who they should reach out to and who should be the one to talk to them. Dahlia smiling the entire time as they talk late into the evening.

#far cry 5 #fc5 #this is love #joseph seed #faith seed #staci pratt

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prettyoddfever · 4 years

Text

RYAN’S & BRENDON’S LJ POSTS IN EARLY 2005

I condensed the format of the livejournal posts to save space btw... and these are being taken from the masterpost that Letsdisco generated in summer 2006 using ljseek after Ryan deleted his livejournal and Brendon made his friends-only. That masterpost is still being passed around today, so that’s why the lists of their posts usually have similar formatting and are all missing the same exact entries. I think I only saved a few of Brendon’s fall 2005 posts that happened to be deleted before summer 2006, so I’m missing some of his other posts as well as some pictures. But at least we have something...

RYAN

January 23: your mouth is like a magazine. sup. i’m thinking we move the band to l.a. because for some reason or another we end up down there every weekend. anyways..nothing big going on. trying to write songs at breakneck speed.and “this mission just got a hell of a lot more impossibler”. song #1 for the record:done. well,maybe. the academy is…coming here feb 12. looking forward to meeting those dudes.you will all love their record. i got some good new games for gameboy advance which should be good for the road....pete put a shitty picture of us up on the clandestine site. go make fun of it. brendon is wearing a bra

January 30: ok. i haven’t had any sort of schedule in my life for the past 2 to 3 months so im trying to act like a normal person now. 1. wake up before noon 2. write every single day 3. listen to a new band every day the list will grow but thats for starters.

February 4: maybe its my love of dispondent things but the woodsman is a good movie, see that. i’ve been thinking alot on what i want this record to be about. and i have some things i’d like to say i just hope it comes out right. parts will be about some of you too like it or not. i am going to start wearing my seatbelt more often. i have seen some pretty bad car wrecks happen in my head. give me envy give me malice give me closure. if i talk alot of shit on this record i hope i can back it up.

February 10: portugal the man, is really, really good. i think.

February 23: today is the worst day of the rest of your life. blink. i will miss you dearly. this is band alone is the reason i play music now. tom delonge will always be my biggest influence and best hero. i’ve got to much hurt going on with everything .boy, things do like to build up and fall apart all at the same time for me.

February 24: i’ve been trying to find a new heart on ebay. i think they quit making those though.

March 10: “Proposing college courses on the pigments of his eye color which had prevailingly changed in the matter of your position toward the sun.” wish that were about me. you out write me any day of the week.

March 15: panic at the disco are such sellouts sooooo, its official. we signed to decaydance/fueled by ramen! we’ve got alot of work to do for this record. i’ll be pretty much hibernating and only coming out when something super important comes up that i think you all should hear about. wishusluck

April 4: snap your fingers. tap your heel to the concrete. in this little number we party like its 1888. i hope you like to dance to different beats. you’ll love this record. or hate it.

April 15: i traded in you bedsheets for shoddy transmission dreams in the back of a van. this is where i am supposed to write how i feel. “she sure as hell aint you,but lord knows she’ll have to do” imlosingit.

April 25: death on two legs. mr. mercury said it best. what is my excuse. i do drunk dialing minus the alchohol. god damn i’d hate to see what i’d do under the influence. but you see what you’ve done? this is what i get for giving myself to you in the first place .indiangivericannotbewhoiwish. it goes like this. i am here. now i’m there.

April 26: got a heavy metal mouth that hurls obscenity and i get my check from the trash treasury because i took my own insides out it don’t matter cause i have no sex life all i want to do now is inject my ex wife.

April 28: “can anybody find me somebody to love”

May 7: “You got a new friend, now I’m the odd man gone. You got a new friend. You got a new friend, I know. And your mom’s got you convinced that he’s the one. He’s all you need, so forget me – marry him at once. But if you ever change your mind…I could still buy that box of wine. I still have your copy of Harold and Maude. But you got a new friend. Yeah, you got a new friend” i’ve been weaving you a playlist, if you put together all the lyrics from these past few entries, you’ll see.you’ll see. “i’ll write the album of the year, and i know she’ll love me then. i swear to god she did its the way she’d bite my lower lip and push her hips against my hips and dig her nails deep into my skin.” i’m in a slump.

May 14: “In periods of rapid personal change, we pass through life as though we are spellcast. We speak in sentences that end before finishing. We sleep heavily because we need to ask so many questions as we dream alone.”

May 18: this is prefect non fiction fiction. oh look what i found. this evening,while cleaning. i found your diary. it doesn’t get any better than this. this is the scalp off the head of your worst enemy. just what were you thinking? leave it to me. i’ll write your life. displeasing things. i’ve already started on some of the bigger events.wedding days..the part where i can’t figure out why i can’t seem to just forget you completely.every word i write will be the truth about how and why you threw me away. things that you’d only find deep inside someones diary. and when i fill all the pages i’ll send it back your way. you know, just to see what you think.

May 23: you’ve got to hope there’s someone for you, as strange as you are. who can cope with the things that you do, without trying to hard.cause you can bend the truth, till it’s suiting you. these things you’re wrapping all around you, you’ll never know what they will amount to. cause life is just going on without you. it’s the end of the things you know….here we go. listen to this song. it’s moving

May 29: since you’ve been gone i cant breathe for the first timeeeeshegivesmebutterflies? whaaaat.how.

here’s the May 30th post

BRENDON

March 15: don't shake. i hate to see you tremble. looking forward to california next week. march 24, anaheim, house of blues. see you there.. does anyone have anymore suggestions for good bands out there? if so, please tell me. watched "badder santa" in class last week. very funny movie. also, any donations to the "brendon is a helpless, hopeless bum" fund would be greatly appreciated. thank you.

March 18: ground control to major tom. take your protein pills and put your helmet on.* i learned a few things today: the school system is fucked. white "thugs" at my school are degrading towards girls and very rude (and loud as well). some people really DON'T have a brain. sad. i almost died driving today. i was waiting in the far left turn lane at a red light when a random van going around 60 jumped the median and rammed the truck in front of me. scared the shit out of me. luckily no one was hurt. im wondering if i should walk with my class. you know, the whole graduation ceremony...

March 25: it’s not enough to hear me say you’ve won* california was awesome. it was good to see friends and meet new people. played a lot of gameboy. super mario 3 is an addiction. the new mars volta cd is awesome as well. i still havent found what im looking for.

April 6: ...it's so close but we're so far away...* sadness. i cant have much dairy anymore b/c it ruins my voice. would anyone possibly have a diet that excludes dairy? i would greatly appreciate it. the 2nd song on the new mae album is amazing to me. im beginning to lose faith in medicine. we are still writing. i really hope some of you enjoy this record. love.

April 12: a very merry unbirthday to me. today is the day where im supposed to feel older. more mature. responsible. legal…nope. today is meant to be a leap into the rest of my life. a new beginning…nope. every year on this day is meant to be a “happy birthday” but today is just “birthday” mein getburtstag. i’ll stop looking forward to birthdays.

April 25: sooner or later we all sleep alone hmm these entries seem to be getting more and more pointless. that, or i'm just getting ornery and tired. i think its both. some kid in my german class was ranting about how "rock-a-billy" started every modern genre we listen to today. nice try, kid. hey monica. haha. check it out: "monica is the coolest girl ever. we're gunna get married.i love her." hahaha. nice.

May 6: you get me every time, why’d you have to be so cute? to those attending my school: generally i wouldnt talk to you, but i, just that desperate for friends and attention. i love dreams. when they come true.

May 14: get up you son of a beeotch, cause [brendon] loves ya “i hope they love you like i did when you needed me…” so anxious to begin a new routine.

May 30: where are we; what the hell is going on? imogen heap= amazing. period. the countdown has begun to maryland. excitement. stress. anxiety. we’ve got the best of both worlds. dance and “other.” i hope you kids are ready for it. “we continue now with our piano interlude.”

* the 3 posts with the asterisks after the titles were saved by @starafar!

THE MAIN POST

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marvinswriting · 4 years

Text

a beautiful roar (that’s in my head)- one

THIS IS A NEW AU?!?!?!? AND A NEW MULIT CHAPTERED FIC?

welcome to the first fic in the mean heathers au. thats right. a crossover au. bear and i have so many hcs and ideas about this au, and this was so much fun to write. keep in mind, this is only chapter one....much more to come

Tw: d slu, the ususal

mean heathers au ft bmc

Veronica stared at the hotel room laid out before her.

"Well, it's nice." Heather McNamara said, stepping into the room and lowering her suitcase.

"Yeah."

It was a nice hotel room. A bathroom, mini corner kitchen, two beds, a closet, and a dresser. Just-

very small.

"Remind me why we're here again?" Veronica places her suitcase on the edge of the bed Mac didn't pick.

"Veronica," Heather says resembling a disappointed mother. "We are here for Ram and Kurt. This is a big sport tournament for them and we're lucky enough to be able to come here through the school."

"And?"

"And it's an excuse not to be in school." Heather finishes.

"Mhmm." Veronica teases.

Westerburg was attending some big event for schools across the nation. It featured sports for both tinies and giant and was only for the best of the best teams.

To have the tiny football team here was an honor.

"Maybe they'll fund the teams properly now," Heather said. "The tiny cheer squad and the football team have always been the better ones. They just won't fund us because we're smaller. Literally."

Veronica cackles, flopping on her bed. "This is why I don't bother with sports."

Heather grins. "No, it's just because you're lazy."

"Yo! Heather! Ronnie!" The hotel door swings open, Kurt popping his head in. "Heather wants us in the lobby, stat."

Veronica rolls her eyes standing up as Kurt disappears. "We should remember to lock that door."

"Yeah." Mac grins, getting up. "Better not keep them waiting."

The lobby was a lot nicer than the tiny room, as most things are. It was furnished with expensive-looking couches and fancy coffee tables. Sitting at one of those nice sofas already was Duke, Chandler, and JD.

Veronica, Heather, Ram, and Kurt stood at the platform where the tiny hotel ended, flagging down their friends.

Chander noticed them first, whispering something to Duke before the green Heather got up and walked over.

"Hi, Heather." Mac said.

"Hello, Heather."

Even to this day, the whole Heather, Heather, and Heather never got any less confusing for Veronica.

Duke let Veronica and Heather on her shoulder before scooping up Ram and Kurt.

She walked back over to the coffee table, dropping the two jocks roughly.

Veronica and Mac stayed on the shoulder, where it was safer.

"So, what I was about to say," Duke continued what she was talking about before grabbing the tinies. "Another school here, Northshore, they're here for soccer and football, their HBIC is a tiny. Regina George."

"Really?" Chandler's eyebrows raised.

"Mhmm." Duke nods. "Their social hierarchy is all out of wack too. Regina kicked a friend off the squad and ruined her social life only to befriend her again later, with her social life still ruined. And the tiny got replaced by a giant only for Regina to rule again."

"Must be one strong tiny." Mac said.

"Or a little bitch." JD offered, not even bothering to look up from his phone.

"It could be both." Veronica said.

"Wait I'm not done."

"Do tell more. I feel like I'm hearing the summary of a bad Netflix show."

"There's rumors of this dude, Damian. He's punched Shane Omen."

"Shane Omen?!" Chandler leaned forward. "You're kidding."

Northshore and Westerburg might not be close schools, but popular kids know popular kids, no matter what. Veronica who was still fairly new to the popular kid life- had no idea who Shane Omen was.

Gotta be a pretty big asshole to get a reaction like that out of Chandler though.

"Jesus, okay. Let's not piss off this Damian."

Duke nodded. "Apparently broke his nose."

"Really?"

"Damian's got a tiny friend, Jane, Janis, something with a J. Shane was fucking with her- as one does- and Damian just decked him."

"So, all I'm hearing is that J girl is off-limits," JD says.

"You're not threatening tinies." Veronica scolds.

"It is fun to do though," Duke says.

Veronica held the shoulder underneath her tighter.

Her giant friends would never actually hurt her, but that didn't mean they didn't like to fuck around.

"Ha! Shane's a loser." Kurt said from the table.

"You've never met him," Duke says. "Quiet."

"Who is Shane?" Veronica asks tentatively.

"A boy Heather and I would party with a couple of summers back," Chandler explained. "He came to Westerburg every summer up until highschool. Biggest asshole I've ever met but man. He's a pretty good kisser."

Okay.

Sure.

"I wonder if Shane's here this year since Northshore is here." Duke questions out loud.

"Maybe. Northshore is here for tiny soccer and giant football." Mac answers.

"Two? Holy shit." Ram exclaims from the table. "You think we could take on their giant football team?"

"They'd use you as the ball." Duke deadpans.

"This place is big and loud and I'm just not having a good time." Janis sinks further into Damian's jacket pocket.

"We're doing it for Aaron, love." He reminds her, opening the door to the hotel room Damian has.

Janis was supposed to share with Regina, but since Damian got his own room, well- Janis was definitely staying with him.

"Couldn't we have just gotten him a 'wow you're a good soccer player' card and moved on?"

Damian chuckled. "No, sweets. We're good friends. Unless you just want a card next art show you win."

Janis huffed but provided no further argument.

Aaron was playing a game right now, actually, but the rest of the gang had to check-in. If they rushed, they could probably make it to the end of the game.

Not that it mattered. Tiny games were recorded and live-streamed into a theater where giants could watch or playback later on the tournament's website. It wasn't the same as being in the bleachers watching the game live.

Still, Damian dropped their luggage and went to meet everyone else back in the lobby.

Cady was already in the streaming room, supporting her tiny as usual. Gretchen picked up Regina and met Damian and Karen before walking to the rooms themselves.

The room was pretty empty because once again- replay online.

Cady saved three seats in the front row for the other giants and grinned hen everyone sat down.

"It's a tie with one minute left."

"I don't understand soccer," Janis said, trying to make sense of the commotion on screen.

The ball was passed to Aaron and she watched as he dribbled it down the field, shooting it into the goal.

The goalie reached out but the ball just bounced past the tips of his fingers, landing in the net as the whistle blew.

Cady jumped up with a cheer. "Yeah!"

"Did Aaron score a winning goal? I don't understand soccer." Gretchen asks with a nervous laugh.

"Yes!"

"Is that good?" Janis says.

"Yes, it's good! Northshore won the first match!"

"Hell yeah!" Regina cheered.

The live stream ended as Cady called Aaron.

"Where do we meet you?"

There was silence as Aaron responded to Cady, something the rest of the gang couldn't make out.

"Okay, we'll see you there."

Cady hangs up the phone turning to her friends. "The team is taking the bus back to the tiny part of the hotel, Aaron will meet us in the lobby."

"Okay but how long with that take," Janis says. "Tiny bus means a long ride."

"Bout an hour."

"So let's explore for an hour!" Karen says. "This place is huge."

"I don't think I can put into words how badly I hope you fall." Duke remarked, watching Kurt trying to do pull-ups hanging off the edge of the table.

Veronica laughed from her spot on JD's shoulder. "Ram, push him."

"Okay."

No hesitation, the jock pried his friend's fingers off the edge of the counter.

Chandler rolled her eyes. "None of you know how to act."

"Please be careful." Heather McNamara said worryingly, peering over the edge of the table where Kurt fell.

"You don't have to be." Duke sneered.

"Heather." Chandler turned to the girl sitting next to her. "I want to go look around. Come with me. JD, please try not to kill the tinies."

"Okay, Heather." Duke stood up, lifting Kurt back to the table in the process.

"Heather, you're in charge." Chandler pointed to the small girl on the table.

"Okay!"

"So, tell me moth about the other schools."

Veronica watched as both giants walked away, their conversation fading.

"You've reached Regina's voicemail. Either I'm busy talking shit about you or I don't want to talk to you. You know what to do, beep!"

Janis sighed, lowering the phone from her ear and looking around the room.

She lost Regina about ten minutes ago and there was still no sign of the blonde.

The was on one of the rooms off the lobby that was tiny accessible. More specifically, she was standing on the tiny platform.

There were lots of people in the room, both big and small, but no Regina Geroge.

Janis's eyes trail over the giant crowd, trying to find some of her bigger friends.

"You lost, shortie?" A voice calls out.

Janis looked to see who girls, both wearing ridiculous costumes, staring at her.

The girl who spoke was wearing green and had sleek black hair tied into a low ponytail by a scrunchie.

"No, I'm not." Janis states flatly.

Shes had enough of asshole giants from Northshore. She doesn't need it from other schools.

The girl in red looks her up and down silently. She gave off an entitled vibe and Janis didn't like it. Very pre-bus Regina.

"Can I help you?"

The red chick suddenly reached out and Janis stepped back.

"Use your words, not your hands, bitch."

"Excuse me?"

"You're excused."

"My name is Heather Chandler. You don't get to talk to me like that."

Who does this bitch think she was? Heather Chandler. Okay? Doesn't change anything.

Janis was having a pretty shitty day She didn't need this.

"And I'm Janis Sarkisian. Great, we're on a first-name basis. Leave me the fuck alone."

The green chick seemed to have a moment of recognition but didn't vocalize it. Before Janis could say anything about it, a hand landed on her shoulder.

"Sorry for leaving you, I saw somebody I knew." Regina explained. "C'mon, Damian's looking for you. Don't want him to lose it."

Jains groaned. "He needs to stop worrying about me."

"Damian?" Heather asked. "Are you two- from Northshore?"

If Janis didn't know any better she'd say she looked scared.

"What's it to you?"

"No, it's nothing. Never mind. Sorry about earlier."

Heather turned away, dragging her friend with her.

"What was that?" Regina asked.

"No fucking clue," Janis said, turning to the tiny exit. "Let's go."

They walked through the tiny halls, making their way to the lobby. "Those girls were confusing," Janis said. "One minute it's all, I'm Heather Chandler, don't talk to me like that, and the next its all, I'm so sorry. What a bitch."

"Okay, somebody isn't having a good day."

"No, I'm not. Thanks for noticing."

The anxiety of being in a whole new crowded place, mixed with exhaustion, and just lots of things going wrong today was the perfect formula for a pending breakdown.

"I need a nap."

"Ohhh me too," Regina said as they entered the lobby. "Let me call Gretchen, let her know we're here. Oh, twelve missed calls from Janis."

"Yeah. Stupid."

The whole gang sat at one of the dining tables where the hotel was hosting a Sunday bar in celebration of kicking off the tournaments. Gretchen dropped Janis and Regina off at the tiny table to get food telling them to flag her down when they were done.

To be honest, Janis wasn't that hungry. Just tired. So fucking tired.

"Yo! Space Dyke!"

God damnit.

"Not today, Shane. Seriously."

Regina and Janis turn around to see Shane Omen, backed up by a boy they've never seen before.

Janis huffs stepping back as Shane reaches his hand. "Dude. Not fucking kidding."

Not that she's kidding normally. But, with a new environment and piles of stress, she might just start sobbing.

Like that would hinder Shane anyway.

"Please, I just want to introduce you to my friend."

"We've heard a lot about the little space alien." The friend sneers.

Space alien over dyke anyway.

Whatever.

Janis was pretty desensitized to the name.

"Well, now you've met me. Leave me alone."

"Damn, she's got a bite, huh?"

Bite.

Not a bad idea.

Regina wrapped her arm around Janis. "Shane. Please take you and your goons and leave."

Shane grins. "This ain't Northshore, Reggie. You think I'll listen to you?"

"It be in your best interest too." A voice calls behind Shane.

The duo turns around to give view to Gretchen and Damian- neither looking too pleased.

Shane's friend shugs. "And what would you do about it?"

Gretchen raised her eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

Without a warning, a hand grabs Janis off the platform. "What. Would. You. Do. About. It?"

Why doesn't Regina get picked up and messed with?

"Hey!" Janis pushed at the fingers wrapped around her. This was pretty par for a school day, but-

This was supposed to be a fun week to support Aaron.

What the hell.

"Put her down!" Damian steps forward.

"And who are you to do anything about it?"

Gretchen pauses for a moment before ginning, stepping next to Damian. "That's Damian Hubbard."

Shane's friend holding me laughs. "Damian? You're kidding. Shane- this is the dude who broke your nose?"

Shane huffs but can't defend himself over his friend's laughter.

"Jesus, and here I thought I should be worried."

The fist around Janis tightens, further then Shane's ever fucking done.

She almost preferred Shane.

Almost.

"Stop-" She couldn't breathe.

Her ribs hurt.

What the fuck.

"What you gonna do about it, Damian." The dude holding Janis mocks. "Punch me? I'd like to see you try."

"Oh fuck! Get em, Damian!" Regina cheers.

If Janis could breathe, maybe she'd laugh.

There's a whacking sound as the fist around her releases and Janis can only assume Damian did fact, punch him.

She had bigger worries though as she went from an extreme lack of air to being surrounded by nothing but-

This truly felt like your average school week.

It felt just like Northshore.

The hands, the grabbing, the freefall and the-

Janis landed on a warm surface just like normal

-the catch.

Damian's fingers wrapped around Janis the second she was securely in his hand.

Janis looked up as she was brought to Damian's chest to see Shane's friend bent over, holding his nose.

Regina was cheering, still on the ice cream bar counter.

"What the fuck was that for?" Shane asked stepping forwards aggressively.

Damian shrugged. "Did he not literally say he wanted to see me try?"

"Yes, he did!" Regina grinned.

Y'know when a cornered dog lashes out? Yeah, Shane resembled that.

He stepped towards the tiny platform. "You're a fucking bitch Regina George. I hope you know that. I could fucking kill you if I-"

"Hey, Shane?" Gretchen tapped him on the shoulder, making him turn around.

"Wha-"

There was a loud smack that echoed through the room- over the other conversations around up.

Shane's hand shot to his cheek. "Did you just slap me?"

"I'll do it again." Gretchen stood to her full height, chest to chest with Shane. "Fuck. Off."

Janis felt Damian's fingers tighten around her. Not painfully just- defensively.

Fortunately, Shane and his friend walked away, both clutching their faces.

"I guess that solidifies the rumors," Gretchen mumbled, glancing over the crowd, most of whom were staring at the four of them.

"What rumors?" Regina asked, allowing herself to be scooped up by Gretchen.

"Nothing lets just- eat ice cream."

Heather and Veronica sat in one of the tiny spaces in the hotel.

They were just little areas with sofas and vending machines but- they were tiny-sized and it was nice.

"Have you seen Kurt or Ram?" Heather asked.

"No, maybe it's for the best. They're probably doing something stupid." Veronica said, glancing up from her phone.

"Yeah."

Three kids their age walked into the room, making way to the vending machine. Veronica didn't may them much mind, a lot of students stay at the hotel for the event, there have been lots of kids walking in and out. They typically didn't interact.

"Um, excuse me?"

Typically.

Veronica looked up to see a girl with two-toned length hair. She wore a baggy denim jacket covered in paint and fancy patterned fishnets.

"Do you happen to know a Heather Chandler?"

"Uh, yes? Why?" Heather responded.

The girl shrugged. "You all have a similar get-up. Wasn't sure if it was a coincidence." She stepped closer as her friends finished up at the vending machine. "I'm Janis."

"Veronica."

"Heather."

Janis' eyebrows raised. "Two Heather's in the same friend group? Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Actually there's three. And yes, it's confusing as fuck." Veronica nods.

Janis grinned. "Sounds rough."

The boy she was with stood next to her holding candy from the machine. "I'm Aaron, the girl kicking the vending machine for her chips is Regina."

There's a clunk and Regina bends down. "Got it!"

Janis shook her head. "Well Heather and Veronica, maybe we'll see you around."

The trio waved bye and they turned down the hall, their voices fading.

Heather waved after them before turning back to Veronica. "Well, they seem nice!"

oh ho ho when i say me and bear have talked about this for weeks- i mean weeks. this will be fun

@realmisspolarbear @musicallygt @smallsoysauce @sourishlemons

#mean heathers au #g/t mean girls #g/t heathers #tiny janis #tiny regina #tiny aaron #tiny mcnamara #tiny veronica #tiny kurt #tiny ram #giant damian #giant cady #giant karen #giant gretchen #giant chandler #giant duke #giant jd

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ilovemyschool · 4 years

Text

Teaching through COVID???

Bless you if you actually make it to the end of this post, lol.

I teach high school science- specifically Chemistry and AP Chemistry. I absolutely love teaching and I love my students. I especially enjoy getting to talk to them about what they want to do when they graduate, where they want to go to college, what kind of jobs they want to do, and all of that fun stuff. Finishing high school is an incredibly exciting time in life for a person, and I feel privileged to get to re-live the excitement and apprehension and hopefulness and all the other feelings that come along with having so many possibilities for your life laid out in front of you. I don’t know any other kind of work that allows you to feel those feelings year after year like I get to through my students. I also try to support them through the hard stuff. I listen when they cry and tell me that they feel alone in a room full of people, I hug them (if they want a hug) when they tell me their mom moved out over the weekend, and I feed them and get them additional support when they tell me they are hungry and don’t have enough to eat. I spend hours on tutoring, grading, and lesson planning outside of my “contract hours.” It never bothered me because I knew I was doing something that mattered to my kids. If you’ve never gotten to see a kid gain self-confidence in their own ability by practicing with you one-on-one- let me just tell you it’s magical. When they know you’ll sit down and work with them again and again when it’s still tough for them, they can see that you believe they’re worth the time and effort, and they start to believe it too. When you get a note from a student about how they never thought they’d be able to understand chemistry so well, but aced a state final exam or got a 4 or 5 on the AP exam, it feels like you’ve done more than teach them your subject- you’ve taught them to believe they can do hard things.

I’m sick to my stomach right now, because I am so torn on whether to go back this year. My students are set to come back in two weeks. There are so many things going through my head and this has been whirling around for the past two weeks, so I’m writing it out. To quit or not to quit. That is my question.

To Quit:

*My district notified parents of the plan just two weeks ago at the same time as the teachers- teachers actually just got a quick email that said something to the effect of “oh hey- check out this stuff we’re sending to parents about next school year.”

*Since they released their plan, I got in to see a doctor. I have an autoimmune condition. It’s not a big deal in general, just a pill everyday, but it does affect my risk- although in the grand scheme of immuno-issues, thankfully mine is on the low end of the COVID risk spectrum.

*The district’s plan is for all students to go back to school 5 days/week, unless they opt for the virtual option. The hours will be shortened so that the district doesn’t have to do a deep clean at the 4 hour mark as would be required if we were in school for the usual 7 hours. Instead, teachers will all teach 4 class periods and also have to teach an online class. If you’ve never taught, teaching online is a whole separate thing, so even if you teach chem both online and in person, it’s likely that most of the time you’ll have to set up your lessons completely differently for the two. It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s extra work for sure.

*Teachers are responsible for sanitizing the classrooms between classes, which means we’ll have to pee some other time, although every teacher is teaching all 4 classes, so we won’t have anyone available to cover us? I guess they’ll figure that out?

*According to the FAQ document our principal sent out, if we are told to quarantine or isolate, we have to use our sick days. If we go through our sick days or run out we can apply to the sick day bank. They don’t say it in the FAQ, but once you’ve used up days, they dock your pay.

*However, that might not actually be a problem, because in a virtual staff meeting they held on Friday, the assistant superintendent shared that the health department here is now defining “exposure” as 15 minutes or more within 6 feet of a person who has tested positive without a mask. That means that we could be in the classroom with kids who later test positive for COVID for an hour and neither the teacher nor the parents of the other kids in that class would be notified or asked to isolate because we were all wearing masks and therefore were “not exposed.”

*Since all kids are going back at the same time, thats nearly 1800 kids (minus the ones who signed up to take all their classes virtually). Based on early estimates, less than 20% are going to opt to go online. There are no plans to stagger class changes, which means our hallways will be full- it will not be possible for students to social distance.

*Currently, I have a class with 33 students in one of my face-to-face classes. That’s a fairly big class anyway, but in COVID, they’ll be packed in there. It is not possible to keep that many kids 6 feet apart in my classroom.

*We are relying on parents to do temperature checks every day and keep their child home if their temp is 100.4 or above. If you’ve ever taught, you know that while most parents are responsible with things like this, there are some that will send their child in no matter what because they have to work or (in some very sad situations) want the time to themselves.

*In our state’s official COVID school plans, they outlined “Required,” “Strongly Recommended,” and “Recommended” measures. My district seems to be reading “Strongly Recommended” as “Not Required.” This means that they are okay with us running labs, sharing equipment, and working in close proximity because they think that parents understand that if they’re sending their child to school, that they know their child will be in close proximity to others. They say that parents know that their kids will be 2/bus seat anyway and that they’re going to have to be changing classes in a full hallway. I’m not so sure I agree with that. I think parents are probably very unaware of that because I think it would be reasonable for parents to think that the “Strongly Recommended” guidelines would be implemented. I’m not a parent, but I think that I would assume that? Unfortunately, things like 6 feet of separation, doing on-site temperature checks, and not sharing materials are in the “Strongly Recommended” category, which means the district will “do their best.”

*Our district’s Union President wrote a letter to the board on our behalf regarding the strongly recommended guidelines. The superintendent was dismissive of those concerns, stating that schools in other countries saw negligible spread upon reopening, which is like comparing our shitty COVID apples to European oranges. Shortly after his response, two other board members went on to praise the administration for putting together a “safe” plan and quickly approved it to send on to the department of education. I wish that those board members would come and sit in our classrooms for the first few weeks of school.

*We won’t know which class(es) we’ll be teaching online until the week before (best case scenario), so we can’t prepare very much that is specific to our class until the week before school. We won’t know our final schedule in general until next week. To not know this with only a week and a half to go is insane. My anxiety is in full gear.

*Financially, we could handle it if I don’t work.

Not to Quit:

*I have one student who had me for a science class his freshman year, then requested to take my chemistry class during his sophomore year, and is signed up for AP Chem this year. I don’t want to miss it.

*Lots of my former chem kids are signed up for my AP Chem class this year. I’m newer to the school, but I’ve been really working on growing the AP Chem program. We even had enough students sign up to make 2 sections of AP Chem this year, which hasn’t happened in a long time at this school.

*I don’t want to quit with only 2 weeks before school- granted, they just announced the district plans 2 weeks ago and in that time I’ve had to talk with my husband and family, consult a doctor, and look at our finances and upcoming expenses to gather the information I need to make a decision. However, with only 2 weeks left before kids are in my classroom, it would be extremely tight to hire and have someone in place for those kids. I would hate to leave students in that spot where they might start school with a sub.

*I LOVE my classroom and my lab. I put so much time into organizing and cleaning it out. I decorated it really nice and made it super functional. I would hate to have to move everything out- I doubt I’d ever have a classroom that epic again. All my desks match, too!

*A bird in hand is worth two in the bush. I have a job I really love at a school I like and with kids I like and it’s close to my house. If I resign, they’ll have to hire someone else for my job, and I won’t get it back next year. There is no guarantee that I get hired again next year at another school nearby either. With budget cuts, who knows?

*In a new job, I could be teaching anything in the sciences- I love that I have a specifically chemistry teaching job. Those are rare and hard to come by.

*One of the “Required” measures in the state’s plan is to wear a mask. That’s helpful. All students and staff will have to wear a mask unless they are medically exempt.

*I’m still youngish, especially by COVID risk standards.

*Maybe nothing bad will happen- hopefully it won’t and the year will go relatively smoothly and staff and students will stay healthy and get through unscathed. If that ends up being how it goes, I’d regret resigning and second guess my decision.

*I would feel guilty for calling it quits when so many others don’t have the option and may be at higher risk than me due to age or underlying conditions or taking care of loved ones that are either older or immunocompromised. I know so many teachers who have to work this year because their spouse/partner is unemployed, or they are the sole breadwinner for their family, or they are going to retire soon and need their income to stay high to maximize their social security benefits.

*I don’t know how I’ll take it if I go from teaching full time to being a stay at home wife. I did stay at home for a year when we moved to another state, and it was HARD on me. I developed a bit of a depression, exasperated by some other things that were going on. I got on medication and did some therapy and it eventually resolved, but that SUCKED. I would really miss my students and my fellow teachers and having a clear purpose/mission for my days.

In conclusion...

I’m not generally a hypochondriac or a “Nervous Nelly.” Most stuff rolls off my back fairly easily. This scares me. I get the flu or an upper respiratory thing almost every year. There’s no reason to think that somehow I’ll manage to miss COVID if it comes into our school. I am beyond anxious about teaching in person with so few precautions being taken. I’m also angry that my choices are to resign and lose the job I really want or to go in and feel anxious and angry about the lack of care and respect that teachers and students are being shown by district and building administration for the foreseeable future until COVID is over. I have had a stress knot in my gut for the past two weeks over this stuff, and I highly doubt it’s going away if I decide to stay and teach.

Since the pandemic started I have stayed at my house with few exceptions over the summer. I wear a mask when I go out, I usually use a pick-up option for my groceries, a drive-thru option for my pharmacy, and I just avoid gatherings. We do occasionally see my in-laws and my parents, usually outside and observing social distancing. In my state restaurants can’t fill to more than 50% capacity and movie theaters are just plain closed, but schools are about to open at 100% capacity. I honestly can’t imagine putting myself in an enclosed space with over 30 kids or into a hallway with close to 1800 of them. Even more than that, I can’t imagine not sitting down at a desk next to them to help them or watch them work a problem to see what they’re thinking. I can’t imagine not getting to hug the girl who’s mom left or sit with the boy who doesn’t feel connected with his peers so he comes up to sit with me and do his homework after school. Even if I do teach this year, I worry that my kids won’t get what they need from me- whether that’s homework help or emotional support.

If you are so inclined, please send up a prayer for state leaders, school administrators, teachers/school staff, and students this year. We could all definitely use some wisdom, some grace, and your good vibes.

#teacher #school #back to school #covid #covid19 #covid-19 #tough decisions

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acrobaticcatfeline · 4 years

Text

Of Books, Brothers, and Broadway (Creativitwins College AU) Chapter Two!!!

Word Count: 3814

TW: Remus, Janus, ocean creatures, I.E. octopus, swearing, I think thats it?

Pairings: pining logince and dukeceit right now, mentioned established moxiety.

Notes: This is pages 4-11 of a current 24. I can like, literally not stop writing this it is a stream of consciousness and I haven’t felt this productive or creative in such a long time. We meet the other 5 in this finally! At this point with 24 pages I think the title should be Of Books, Brothers, Broadway, and Boys. So there’s a little hint. Listen I’m just desperate for soft.

Summary: Roman and Remus are trying to write a musical all while juggling their college courses and jobs. Remus and Roman both inadvertently end up introducing their friend group to their brother and two are pining hard for their brothers best friend. Meanwhile, Remus talks to his boss and gets some news that makes his day.

“Hiya Roman!!! Hey wait up a sec!”

Roman was walking through campus when he heard Patton trying to grab his attention over his headphones. He pulled the headset off his head and turned towards the energetic friend who was racing to catch him.

“Howdy Popstar! I missed you last period, where were you?”

Patton panted softly as he tried to catch his breath. He finally smiled up at Roman.

“Oh yeah, my boyfriend is at home sick and I lost track of time. I didn’t even think about it until his phone alarm went off for his online class, what did I miss?”

“Oh nothing much, another duet skit, lucky for you, you got paired with me!”

“Oh boy, what skit?”

“I’ll give you the packet when we get to class, but it's from midsummer nights”

“Ohhhh I love that play!!!”

Roman was just about to bring up the musical he and Remus had started, being called the magicians notebook, when JJ walked up. He gave a casual peace sign and Patton waved.

“What's up with our favorite preps today?”

“Well actually I was just about to tell Patton about this musical-”

Jay decided to jump in front of them, now walking backwards as he stared at Roman with barely restrained joy.

“Musical you say? What’s it called? Who made it? Do I know about it?”

Roman chuckled.

“It's actually one me and my brother are making”

“YOU'RE MAKING A MUSICAL!?”

Roman couldn't hold back the loud laughter at JJ’s response, he doubled over laughing, still smiling widely as JJ was bouncing on his heels and Patton stared at him in awe.

“Wow, you and your brother are making a musical?”

“Roman I don't think I have to explain to you just how mother fucking rad that is, I think you know that already, but whats it about? Do you have any songs yet? Do you have a name yet? Who's your brother? I have so many questions Roman I can't believe I wasn't the first person you told!!!”

“You were you dork! You and Patton are currently the only ones who know about it!”

“I need answers Roman!”

“Salutations Remus. I presume you got your portion of the assignment done… 2 minutes ago?”

Remus rushed to his seat as their professor started class. He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed nervously.

“Am I that obvious Shakespeare?”

Logan stared at him emotionlessly. He looked him over then leaned his head on his hand.

“You are barely on time, cluing me in that you were preoccupied with something and lost track of time, your bag is still open, likely due to you shoving your laptop in it hurriedly without double checking the zipper, and of course, you looked sheepish as you sped in, hinting that you were doing something you weren't supposed to be doing slash doing something you were supposed to have done earlier last minute, instead of proud like you do when you were wasting your time on something you felt justified in taking your time on”

Remus shrunk. Logan could always read him like an open book, though it was his fault for befriending the psychology major he supposes. He felt ready to be completely humiliated as Logan smirked and pulled up his phone.

“And of course, the text I got from you an hour ago warning me that you might run late because of the assignment was a nice bonus”

Remus felt his cheeks redden as he remembered messaging him. He probably shouldn't be so surprised and attacked and yet he turned his face towards their professor with a huff as he pulled out his notebook and textbook. He was startled out of his thoughts as he heard the hall door open suddenly. He turned towards the noise and snickered as he saw Virgil clambering towards them as quietly as possible.

“Mr. Storm I would appreciate that if you are late to class you attempt to cause less of a distraction to the rest of your peers”

“Y-yes sir, I’ll keep that in mind”

Remus had to cover his mouth as Virgil squeezed past them and took the spot on the other side of him. He gave him a quick look and went back to the text. A small piece of paper slipped in front of him as Virgil unpacked that asked if he had missed anything. Remus shook his head idly. The three kept quiet until the teacher released them. As they packed up, Logan started a conversation.

“What made you late Virge?”

“Huh? Oh, I'm not feeling great, I woke up feeling like shit. I was originally going to just stay home sick, but I remembered our project so here I am I guess”

“Oh, Vee, you could've texted us, you didn't have to come if you were dying”

“Meh, I spent too much on this class to miss it. Especially since it's one of my prereqs. I’ll survive”

“Well I guess if you're gonna be here we might as well take advantage of it. I don't have any more classes today, you guys want to get some writing done?”

“I suppose that would be amenable”

“Sure, but I need some caffeine first, haven't had any at all today”

“Good god how were you able to drive here?”

“I can function without coffee if I get enough sleep. I also am simply not addicted”

“Well that is ridiculous, you must not be human. But I could go for a soda right now. Want me to take orders and meet you guys at the library?”

“Lit. you know what I want”

“Oh my god, somebody needs to take your flashcards”

“If you like having 5 fingers on each hand I would recommend you not do that”

Remus was getting annoyed with his brother. He was quietly ranting on the phone at him in the study room he had booked with Logan and Virgil.

“Roman, I literally could not give a shit if you told your friends about the musical idea, I was gonna tell mine as well. … so fucking what if its my final? None of your friends are in any of my courses, I'm not scared they're gonna plagiarize me, you trust them, I'm sure that you have half a decent taste in friends. … Listen, I can't deal with all of you right now, I have a collaborative story I'm supposed to be working on, we can deal with this when I get home. Just like, have a glass of your shitty wine and maybe you'll calm down. I gotta go, i’ll see you later”

Logan smirked at him as he hung up. He did the lean again and god Remus could throw him into the wall.

“What's this about a musical I hear? I didn't take you for a song and dance guy”

Remus sighed, brushing his hand through his hair as he sat down in front of his computer.

“I'm not, but my brother is. When we were younger he said that we should make a musical together. And as a man of my word, I've been working on a book for a musical for him. He's already got a couple of songs written up for it and we’re working with it. It's actually not half bad. He may drive me insane, but he's talented at what he does”

Remus had just started typing when his phone alarm went off. His eyes widened and he scrambled to pack up again.

“SHIT!!! I have a meeting with my boss, they're giving me an octopus to care for I can't believe I forgot I'm such an idiot oh shit I'm gonna be late and they won't-”

Logan stopped his hands. He looked him calmly in the eyes with a small smile.

“Hey, we’ll pack for you and drop your stuff off for you, just go and get that octopus Remus”

Remus smiled gratefully and after checking he had his phone and keys, he ran to get home.

“Hello Dr. sanders! Please come in!”

The doctor smiled at him as he stepped inside. He glanced around the area idly with a smile.

“With how energetic and, well, chaotic you are at work I didn't expect your home to be so immaculate!”

“Heheh, yeah I prefer a clean canvas. Sorry not everything is in place, I kinda forgot about this until just a bit ago and had to rush out of a study group. It's usually cleaner than this, well, at least most of it is, my brother is a mess, but he has a completely separate space. Oh boy I’m talking a lot”

“It's fine kid. Mind showing me where you'd be keeping her?”

Remus nodded and led the doctor into his room, and suddenly he felt a little self conscious over all the terrariums in his room. Dr. Sanders paid his full attention to the fish tank.

“This is impressive, it's a nice little ecosystem for all of them, are you sure Cephy won't disrupt them all?”

“Oh! Yes, I did a little research on her breed and none of the fish in there are food for her, nor is she food for. I know she's super friendly and all these guys have been very receptive to new members in the past, my newest one is the angel fish but she doesn't seem to be bothered by bigger creatures. I also have a back up tank for worst case scenarios, and the fish don't bother my brother!”

“Only thing I'd say is, maybe add some driftwood or floating objects for her to lay on”

He then turned to look at the other tanks. He smiled as he saw the lizards scatter a bit. Remus felt like he was about to die.

“These are pretty nice! You have a nice assortment of reptiles here, where'd you get them?”

“Oh, um, just uh, just outside. A good amount of lizard friends come to our patio, and every once in a while they'll like, crawl up to me. My family says I’m the reptile whisperer heh”

“That's intriguing. Most of these species are loner types, were they hurt?”

“Um, some of them were, got beat up by a local cat or something I think”

“Huh. that's even more fascinating. Anyways, back to the point. You know the rules with Cephy right? You aren't in charge of buying her food or medication until we decide whether or not she can be released. If she doesn't cut it, we will likely have you keep her rather than attempt to remove her from familiarity and then she will become your responsibility alone. She may have an attitude the first few days from moving around, but for the most part she will integrate well I think. If any complications arise, you have my personal number, and I think that's it! We will send her home with you tomorrow with a week's supplies. Any questions?”

“No sir! Thank you so much, you won't regret this, I swear!”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you last week! We were asked to lower our number of interns!”

“What? Wait why are you telling me this?”

“Well, due to that we had to make some changes, and i'd like to formally offer you a full time job! And of course, by full time, I don't plan on changing your hours unless it works with your school schedule. We would love to keep you as one of our marine biologists once you graduate!”

“I- sir, thank you so much, I, I am so grateful! Wait, does that mean I can get even more hands on experience with the critters? Oh thank you so much!”

“Heh, you're one of our best workers, I figure it might be helpful to have a proper wage. But on that note, I really should be going, I have an appointment in an hour and it's a 45 minute drive from here”

“Oh, yeah! Yes, of course, here, I’ll show you out!”

When Roman got home he didn't expect to have Remus tackle him.

“Whats up Remus?”

“I PASSED!!! SHE'S COMING TOMORROW!!! AND I GOT A PROMOTION!!! ROMAN I GOT A RAISE, I'M GETTING AN EXTRA 5 DOLLARS AN HOUR I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LUCK!!!”

“Holy shit man, maybe you should be paying all the bills now, you make way fuckin more than I do at the cafe!”

“Oh, wait, fuck, Logan and Virgil are coming by fuck I gotta clean”

Roman just about died laughing as Remus ran around trying to tidy the place. It was only a few minutes before there was a knock on the door. Roman got it as Remus made a pot of coffee.

“Hello!”

“Hello Remus! We came to return your bag and your soda that you left at the library”

“Logan open your eyes, that's not Remus. Remus has a mustache you fool”

Logan opened his eyes to see Remus. But not Remus, Remus was more scruffy, and he was shorter, Remus was only a little taller than him, but the not Remus in front of him towered a good several inches over him. And the biggest difference to Logan, was Remus had auburn eyes, almost red, the not Remus in front of him had bright green eyes. Logan felt his cheeks redden. He looked down sheepishly after having stared.

“My apologies, you must be Remus’ brother. My name is Logan and this is Virgil”

“Well hello there Logan and Virgil, my name is Roman. Please, come in”

“Roman STOP FLIRTING!!!”

The two stepped in and laughed as Roman shouted back.

“I LITERALLY JUST SAID HELLO AND MY NAME OH MY GOD”

Logan and Virgil wandered in, meeting Remus in the living room, greeting them with a smile and cups of coffee. The two took them graciously and sat down at Remus’ request. While Remus stayed in the kitchen as he searched for snacks in the cabinet, Roman leaned against the wall, giving the guests a quick look over. He smiled faintly as he saw the glasses clad one, Logan he reminded himself, turn red at the attention.

“Roman did you ever go to the store and get what I asked you for?”

“Of course not, you didn't give me a list and I prefer to keep our phone calls to twice a month and I was out of calls”

“You're an idiot”

“Yeah I sorta went into the least brainy major I could find. You're supposed to be the brainy one”

Remus sighed as he brought out a plate of fruits and chips and dip. He shot a glare at Roman's smirk.

“What are you smirking about now?”

“Oh nothing, just a little offended that you hid your cute friends from me”

Roman nearly sputtered after the words left his mouth as Logan turned bright red. Virgil just rolled his eyes at him and Remus looked just about ready to smash his glass of coffee over Roman's head, but he stayed resolute.

“Roman, can't you just go flirt with a random tree? Or one of my lizards! Keith would love a boyfriend!”

“I would rather make out with an octopus”

“Well duh! Octopi are great kissers!”

“God you and Jay would get along so well I really need to introduce you two”

“Yeah sure I would, with one of your theatre nerd friends”

Virgil then sat up a bit. He looked between the twins with a grin.

“Oh wait, theatre nerds? You wouldn't happen to be the Roman my boyfriend keeps telling me about?”

“Depends, who is he?”

“Patton Corwyn”

“Oh fuck yeah! He's one of my best friends!”

“Then I agree with him, you would love Jay”

Remus grumbled something into his coffee. He sent another glare towards Roman as he set down his cup.

“Roman I know you don't know anything about courtesy, but you are making my friends uncomfortable, could you go do your messy things in your room or something?”

“Wait we aren't-”

“Lucky for you I've got a shift at the cafe in a bit, I just gotta change. Nice meeting you Logan, Virgil, see you later rem”

Roman gave a finger salute before diving into his room. Logan almost felt sad at his departure. He tried to focus back on his coffee and his computer screen but Virgil nudged him and sent him a knowing smirk. He glared at his screen instead.

“Does our bookworm have a crush?”

“Oh please do not have a crush on him he’ll be so cocky and dumb!”

“I, I don't have a crush, shut up, your apartment is just really warm. Shut up!”

He angrily typed away as the other two giggled at his bright cheeks. A door opened and Logan turned to see, and he really shouldn't have turned to see. Roman was wearing black slacks, a red button up shirt and a black half apron. And who said he was allowed to be so attractive? Roman gave him a quick wink before looking over at Remus.

“Is it my night for dinner?”

“Yes”

“K, I’ll text you when my shift is done and get your order. See you later”

“Cool, k, leave! I'm trying to study!”

“Ok ok!”

Logan wasn’t free of the teasing until he finally left.

“Good afternoon! Welcome to Dream Bean! What can I get for you today?”

“Hiya Roman! Strawberry acai with extra whipped cream large please?”

“Ah, Patton, I see your taste remains a slave to the pink drink, it'll be right up!”

“Don't shame me! It's sweet and healthy!”

“And has no caffeine, but I’ll leave it be, promise”

“Oh, and a blueberry muffin!”

“Alrighty! That'll be 7 dollars!”

Roman loved his job. The dream bean coffee shop had higher prices than the local Starbucks, but they had better drinks and food in his humble opinion. The college students in the town were spoiled, they got discounts at the place and most alumni swore by the little shop. It was a staple of the town, and Roman had been coming to it for as long as he can remember. He paid no attention to the fact that both his friends had decided to nestle in a corner of the little shop far longer than they were technically supposed to. That is, until he clocked out, making himself a cafe mocha before popping over to the booth the two had stolen away to. He raised his eyebrow at them as he took a sip of his drink.

“What brings you two here?”

“Can't we just want some of the best coffee in the world?”

“Considering Patton didn't get coffee, and from the looks of it you got a hot chocolate with a shot of espresso, no, no you can't”

“Ok so we wanted to know more about your musical! Sue us!”

“Hmm, how about I tell you about it on a walk, if Patton tells me why he didn't mention that his boyfriend is friends with my brother. And why you didn't introduce me to Logan”

“Deal!”

Patton giggled as he brought his new cup of coffee to his lips. He and Virgil stood and followed Roman out the door.

“I didn't know your brother and Vee were friends! He must be Remus then right?”

“Mhmm. whole family of mythology names, my uncle's name is Romulus”

“Hmm! I haven't actually met him, Virgil doesn't bring his friends over a lot. But why are you more upset about not knowing about Logan?”

“I mean, hes hot as fuck, would’ve liked to talk t him more but I had to leave for work before I could say much more than hello or goodbye. He looks smart. Wouldn't take him for a creative writing guy”

“Oh he's a psych major, he wants to write scientific journals and studies and stuff. There wasn't a minor choice for journalism, so he figured creative writing would fulfill the same things. He's actually really talented, he writes lots of sci-fi and fantasy things, he's a huge nerd, but he's really sweet”

“He blushed at like anything I said, it was adorable. Remus almost killed me”

“Ok as much as I love hearing your tea on guys, I do not care about this near as much as I care about this musical”

Patton and Roman both devolved into a mess of laughter at JJ’s insistence about the musical. Roman pulled out his phone with a grin and gave Jay a sympathetic look.

“Ok, let me text Remus for his dinner order and then I’ll tell you all about it”

Remus just about groaned when he heard keys jingle in the door. He was sprawled across the couch, legs over the top of it and his head and arms draped on the floor. He was even more tempted as he heard more voices mix with his brothers. He shouted across the apartment when the door opened.

“YOU NEED TO STOP EXISTING, LOGAN WOULDN'T STOP THIRSTING OVER YOU THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS HERE!”

“Too bad, he's kinda cute!”

Remus fell off the couch as Roman and his friends walked in. mostly because one of them was hot as balls. He hoped beyond hope that he was the Jay Roman had mentioned from earlier. Jay had a face full of scars on one side of his face, and wore a pastel yellow shirt with a jean vest covered in pins. He also wore a deep yellow beanie. Remus couldn't look away as he stood up again.

“Oh! Uh hello! Roman’s friends!”

The other one smiled brightly, just about as bright as his pastel blue jumper and white suspenders. He held out one hand, the other filled with bags of food. Remus shook his hand.

“Hiya! I'm Patton! And you're the Remus my boyfriend keeps talking about!”

“Hello! That must mean that you are Jay?”

Jay stuttered after actually getting a good look at him. He nodded and smiled back at him.

“You can um, you can call me Janus! If, if you want that is! Um, Roman told us about the musical you two are writing and it's really cool! I uh, I know it's gonna be great!”

Remus grinned, and let out a giggle as Roman leaned on him. Janus hissed at him and swatted at Roman’s arm.

“Be careful not to corrupt this one, he's a baby”

“I AM 19 YEARS OLD YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!”

“And a freshman. This makes you babey. Regardless, I know you are also a weirdo who loves reptiles, and my brother has a collection that i'm sure he would be delighted to show you”

“repTILES?!”

At that, Janus started bouncing and god, Roman was right, he is babey. Remus grins and nods excitedly as well.

“I can do that! I'd love to show off my babies! But dinner first, I've been begging Roman to let us have Thai food for weeks!”

Taglist: @fivebyfive-finebyfive @tacohippy56900 @analogical-mess @crookedlyoptimisticdestiny @angels-and-dreams @fandomloverangel @booklover223

Let me know if you want to be tagged in my writing!!!

Thank you for reading I will see you later ladies lords and nonbinary royalty!!!

#roman sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #ts janus #duke remus #remus sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #thomas sanders #college au #familial creativitwins #logince #dukeceit #moxiety #tw swearing #tw cursing #tw ocean #my writing #my fanfiction

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allelitefics · 5 years

Text

Your Past... Pt 1.

Characters: Jon Moxley x reader (OFC)

Summary: He was your best friend for the longest time, and now he’s reemerged in your life. All the feelings you once had start to resurface. It gets complicated.

Warnings: infidelity.

Categories: eventual smut, fluff, angst - again all the good stuff.

Your weekly chat with Brandi was right around the corner, the one where she convinces you that you need to "put yourself out there!" and that "it's been 6 months!" but you weren't sure if you were ready yet. Sure, you were around really... really attractive men on a weekly basis. It would be easy to put yourself out there right? You sighed to yourself organizing your hair and makeup area. There she came, she didn't need makeup, she was a natural beauty, you were jealous of that but happy about your blossoming friendship. "There's my favorite makeup artist!" she said embracing you in a hug. "There's my favorite chief branding officer!" you say laughing as you take a step back. "Step into my office" you follow up with gesturing towards the makeup chair. "So how was your week? go on any dates?" she asked raising an eyebrow, knowing full well you hated when she asked you that question. "My week has been alright so far" you say .. "and no.. no dates" "Why not?!" she whines back to you. "I don't know!" "There's a whole roster of single men, y/n! I'm serious. I'm going to set you up." You roll your eyes, "Whatever." you say. Your attention quickly gets taken away from Brandi to a tall muscular figure walking up the corridor, you felt like you stopped breathing. "Earth to y/n" Brandi says but your eyes are fixed, and then he stops and a smile creeps on his face when he realizes that you're there. "Holy shit! Y/N?!" he says. It was John.. John Moxley. "John!" you say. He comes over and gives you a hug, "Holy shit, how long has it been?!" "A long time" was all you could muster. He smelled so damn good, he steps back out of the hug and looks you up and down which you then playfully hit his arm... his rock hard arm. "How do you two know each other?" Brandi says making you suddenly realize you weren't the only two people in the area right now. "I used to train y/n..when she still wanted to be a wrestler." he says raising his eyebrow. You look at Brandi and she looks shocked, "You wrestled?!" John answers for you, "Yeah until she decided it wasn't for her.. she was good.." You shake your head, "I was 18, and wanted to give it a go.. but I didn't like feeling sore all the time.. figured I'm too much of a princess to take anymore bumps." "Wow." Brandi says looking impressed. "I can't believe you never told me." You shrugged, "It's not me anymore." you say. "She would've been a big star if she stuck with it" John follows up, "She had the best trainer." You try to hold back your grin and just shake your head, "Well i'm still in the business." you say. "Yeah.. we'll have to catch up." he says. "Yeah, for sure." "See y'all later." he says glancing at you one last time and then walking off. The tension leaves your body as you turn your attention back to Brandi. "Wow." she said. "What?!" "You got like school girl giddy when he walked up to you." she said giving you a look. You know that he's married.. but he was a significant part of your past. "You you two used to?!" she asks widening her eyes. You look down to the side for a second, "Oh my god!" she says hitting your arm. "Was he good?!" she inquires and you can't help but laugh. "Brandi!" "What? I'm curious, tell me everything!" "It was a long time ago." "Bullshit." she calls you out. "Okay it's was like 3 or 4 years ago last time we saw each other. And it didn't really end well. We were never 'together'" you start. "We just...hooked up? I don't know, it was like we were together but we weren't. We never put a label on it. Then he met his wife and he ended things with me when things with her got serious." "Well thats shitty." Brandi said frowning. "Yeah.. I mean.. I should've told him how I felt about him.. I had a crush on him from the start. He didn't look at me any differently until a year into knowing him and him training me."

*Flashback*

You sat on your bed on a Friday night, you and Jon had been close for so long that he had the spare to your apartment. You were painting your toenails as you usually did when he approached your bedroom door. You had sensed something was up.. for a while now..but he had become your best friend so you didn't say anything. "Hey you." he says and you glance up and smile. "Hey." Things had been shitty between you two, you knew the talk was coming. It was going to happen right now. "We need to chat." he said. "Yeah I figured." you said giving him your attention. He still stood in your doorway, a couple feet away from you. "I've been seeing someone..and it's getting serious." You glance back down to put the attention on your toenails. "y/n, would you please look at me?" "Why?" you start, "you're basically dumping me." He sighs loudly, "You're one of my best friends." he states. "Yep." "y/n...please." "Jon, I get it, we were just friends who hooked up. That's it." "You know that I care about you so much." He felt like a huge asshole, but he couldn't keep spending time with you when he was falling for someone else. "Yep." He closed his eyes for a moment and realized you were hurting and there wasn't anything he could do to change that. "I'm really sorry." he followed. "Yeah me too." you say still not looking at him, because if you look at him he'll see the hurt in your eyes. "You can go Jon, just leave your spare key on my kitchen table." "You don't want me to keep it?" You're annoyed that he sounds surprised that you asked him to leave it. "No." He nods his head. "I'm sorry." he says again.

Don't look up.. don't look up...was all you could tell yourself.

"You should go." you say. He looks around your room, seeing you sitting on the edge of your bed painting your toenails like you did every Friday. Remembering how he'd lay on the bed watching tv as you'd do that, remembering the countless times you've screamed his name, and then waking up in the morning with you in his arm. He couldn't help but wonder if he was making a mistake.

"Damn" was all Brandi could say as you finished your story and was almost done with her face. "Yeah..I mean obviously I got over him, dated Brian for 2 years." you say referring to your ex who wasn't in the business, and him not being in the business ended up being the downfall to your relationship. "Yeah but shit, that was intense." All you could do was nod your head, "Yeah, I was miserable for weeks and then I met Brian..and he took me out of it. And now I'm here back in the wrestling biz and am single with Jon in the fucking building." you say laughing making light of the situation. "Brian was a dumbass." Brandi said, "A jealous freak. I'm glad you ended shit with him." You laughed again, "Yeah me too."

#jon moxley x reader #moxley x reader #jon moxley fanfiction

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starlightshore · 5 years

Note

im kinda want to get into this sort of thing so is it okay to ask u a few questions? if not just delete this, but here goes? would u reccomend game maker studio 2, and how hard is it to use in ur opinion? and is there anything u wish u knew at the beginning of making ur fangame?

aw anon you’re so sweet! don’t worry about asking about this, its really exciting to make games and trying new things! i would not say i’m an expert, and i wouldn’t even say i know gml like. at all. i just understand a how the code is used, but now what the code itself is or what to type exactly. like, i understand the theory more so than actually doing it. which is, eh, fine? i’m getting by, and i’m still learning. i’ve only been using gms 2 for 2 months now.

also, i’m using a fangame engine! i feel its kinda like cheating lmao, but its just meant to be a framework to build your own thing off of. and i still need to learn gms2 to use it, and i plan on doing more advanced and complicated things (ie: changing how battles even work structurally.) so. i’m not good at gsm2 yet, but uh, really once you understand coding its not any harder than i’d imagine w/ other professional game engines. compared to unity, i like this better because it seems built on the idea of making 2d sprite games. its SO much more simpler and the userface (while. i’m not a fan of how it has its workspace but whatever) is simple and easy to grasp.

i can’t say for certain if i recommend game maker. its very pricey and doesn’t go on sale often. (big sales i mean, it goes on 15% somewhat frequently) i really, really recommend doing your research first.

so here i talk about what game engines i’ve used over the last year. (also i hear Godot is good!)

at the end of that post i said this: “TLDR; figure out what kind of game and story you want to tell/make. i could of saved a year’s worth of work if i just sat myself down and realized i wanted to make a completely new fangame separate from my old blog stuff. and that i wanted to make an rpg specifically.“

and so! past me has good advice. figure out the scope and what story do you want to tell. with AL, I know it has 2 chapters, and rn i’m only concentrating on chapter 1. chp 1 has 7 nights and one area where you fight enemies. its very story/character driven and is more so like. a deconstruction of the rpg genre than an actual rpg game. (i know that the word deconstruction is over used as hell, but it is what this is.)

it builds off the themes of the original, while focusing on things that i want to focus on and develop. ut, at it’s heart, is about stories and grief, i’m just taking it to a different extreme and angle.

uh, anyway, i really wish i knew what i wanted to make and understood the source material more and what i wanted to make. i’ve. thought really really hard over what UT means, what message toby was trying to convey, how he did it and what I thought about it. understanding what YOU want from and for your project is the most important thing. WHY do you want to make this? WHAT do you want people to feel and think about when playing? or even, after playing? it doesn’t have to be super deep either.

so, figure out what you what to make, and then you can work on the how. really plan your story, but honestly i wouldn’t recommend planning it in super big details right off. also, super helpful to have a friend help you brainstorm and plot check things for you. (shout out to my friend the sniffer

anyway, don’t plan things TOO detailed because things are GOING to change no matter how well you plan! just try to get get an outline done, then rewrite it 5 more times and then MAYBE you’ll be ready to tackle a more detailed version. then write it 5 more times. i can’t stress enough how important planning is, and how you shouldn’t expect everything to work out even on draft 10! things will work, and when they do, draft 10 is going to look like bad awful nonsense cause you’re at draft 20 now and everything is much more coherent and better. games aren’t written or consumed all at once on the fly. its not a piece of fanart, a fanfic, a comic. its not updated more than once. its out, and then its just out. plan for it.

and real quick, don’t worry about art assets! depending on how you do the art, that’s most likely going to change and its going to be polished LAST. i could go more into how you should think of art when game developing, but thats another topic. just. honestly use shitty art assets and worry about it later.

kris’ place holder sprite for deltarune ^ it don’t need to be pretty, it needs to be practical.

second advice: start SMALL!!! i feel i should of done this, and frankly i probably will have to sit down and do this lmao, basically, you should make boring small games to learn the basics. I know, i know, nobody really wants to recreate asteroid when you got big ideas of making stories and animations u wanna make. but like. you really need to figure out how the program works and how the code works in theory and practice.

ok so like, think of coding like this. i got this from a skillshare video series, so uh. i’m going to retell this but in a shittier and likely less nuanced way. sorry

ok so imagine. you’re telling this guy who is trying to get to Gary’s house. now, Gary’s house is just down the road, few houses down, now, you can tell this guy that and he’ll likely find the house just fine. but if you’re telling a robot it’s not going to understand what “down the road” means. what road? how long? it needs instructions that are simple and work in a language it understands.

so you tell the robot “go down two houses, stop at sign until x seconds pass, turn right, go forward 1 house, turn ect. stop at house, ring doorbell. IF Gary answers, go inside; ELSE: do not go inside, wait;

so this what i mean by understanding the theory behind the code rather than the code itself. yes there’s complexities and differences in each language, but they’re ALL based on the same concepts. different program languages are less like different speech languages, but rather different dialects of the same. (uh, like us english vs uk english) its just different rules and “spellings” of the same core concepts.

next advice: don’t be afraid to ask for help! but also! do so within reason! if people are OPEN for helping, be sure do so in the right environment and within what time works for them. compensate people for the time and effort if you can. ALWAYS try to figure out the solution yourself first. often with coding, it can be a simple solution that you could of thought of yourself if you took the initiative to. google is your friend, youtube is your friend! (ok, youtube isn’t, but in this case! yes!) the answer might not always be easy to find, and its perfectly fine to look for help but its good to at least try on your own first!

speaking of which! LEARN LEARN LEARN! be ready to devote A LOT of time to watching and reading about game development. this goes to every game making program, not just gms2. i watch. so many videos on gms. i rec having the video play at 1.5x or 2x speed to cut down time. obvs you still need to retain the information, so speed might be not a good idea then. and its REALLY GOOD to pause and type out the code and follow along. but its also good to just understand the concepts, and theres no harm in rewatching once you’ve understood it better at a different speed.

things WILL click and work out for you, and its going to be a very time consuming and long journey to get there. i LOVE making this game and telling this story but I also had no idea what i was getting into! and i probably will have more advice once i’m further in, (i’ve only used gms 2 for 2 months!) but thats the best i can say for now! i hope you pursue your dreams and start making things!!! you can do it!!!

the best time to start is yesterday, the second best time is right now! even if you put a little effort into it everyday, you’ll build up progress and you can learn SO MUCH over time and theres this whole world of possibilities out there! the world NEEDS your story and your perspective, and i think creating it in anyway you can is necessary for humanity! your work will mean something to someone someday, and i am so excited for you to start your journey!

#i know u probs meant gms2 specifically but this got a little out of hand lmao #long post #personal stuff #sams replies #Anonymous

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dementedgnomicwizard · 5 years

Text

i preplanned those tunnel tweets + made a list of specifically what pictures i wanted and finished making the worms earlier this morning so like i wasnt Winging It at all but it sure felt like it! bc weve only ever gone to the tunnels as a group before, but today the only time i could go was in the 25 minutes before my evening class and no one else was free then so i was like whatever ill just go get my pictures and then to class and it’s fine. so i put my little sandwich baggie full of worms in my pocket and went over to the machinery building, which is where the tunnel entrance is, but the entrance is in the basement and there’s two ways to get into the basement both of which are almost always locked so i was like well i’ll just check and see if either of them are open. and it turned out the freight elevator was allowing trips to the basement so i got in and went down

the freight elevator spits you out in like this really cluttered and fucked-up looking storage basement basically which is where the tunnel entrance is and while the tunnel is dark the basement itself is usually lit by these shitty fluorescents HOWEVER! today when the elevator doors opened it was absolutely completely dark in the entire enormous basement. but at that point i was like i made it over here, i have my worms, i have my photo list, i have time before class, and what are the odds the elevator will be working again, ill just use my flashlight who cares. so i turned my flashlight on and started picking my way through to the tunnel entrance, except i stopped and made a detour to take pics in that little office room because i thought it would sorta look like the room where they found gertrude’s body and i could make a fun joke about it ANYWAY as i’m coming out of the office room i notice that the stairway door directly across from me is open, which is weird because they’re Never open because they don’t want us to go down there. so i was like, shit, maintenance and/or security are down here and my only way out is the super obvious elevator so ill just wait them out so i like turned my flashlight off and crouched behind a bunch of shit

anyway i just sort of huddled in the dark for a while and soon enough it became clear that no one was actually coming so i took advantage of my proximity to the ground to scatter some worms and take that first worm pic where im pointing. and then i was like okay, might as well get the tunnel bit over with. so the area of the basement where the mouth of the tunnel is is closed off with this big metal fence and there’s like a wire-mesh on the front with a huge padlock only years and years of horrible college students have managed to sort of beat the bottom half of the gate a few inches outwards + compromise its integrity enough that its easy to pull far enough open for someone else to slip through. however my problems today were 1) like i said ive only ever gone with a group before, meaning i’d always had someone to hold the gate open for me, and i had never attempted to get through without assistance before let alone back out and 2) the gate is RIGHT next to the stairs that i mentioned earlier were open when they usually never are. so i stood there for a minute like... okay, say i DO try to get through myself, and i get stuck. OR, say that happens and THEN whoever was working down here comes back and im stuck so i get caught and in trouble.

and then i was like actually fuck it we ball so i like. sort of just got down fully on the ground (which was gross btw do not recommend) and like rolled and twisted and pushed myself around until i wiggled through. that was the moment when i sort of started to accept just how much tunnel dirt i was gonna be covered in by the end but it was so far past too late to back out so i headed into the tunnel entrance. it gets TRULY dark like really really soon after you walk in also like i thought the basement outside was dark because the lights were off but the tunnels are like.... DARK. anyway i stopped halfway down the entry tunnel to try and set up the like “worm door outline” thing from after MAG39 and like initially i had thought that i could figure out an okay way to at least temporarily get them on the wall bc theyre made of latex and super light but it was quickly apparent that that would not be the case so i found a patch of the floor that looked smooth enough to be a wall and set it up on there instead. so i’m like. squatting on the floor in this very dark and kind of gross tunnel, and i have my phone laying on the ground next to me flashlight-side-up so i can see as well as use both hands to dig cold little latex worms out of a sandwich baggie and arrange them in a pattern on the ground and the flashlight was lighting up the tunnel in the most fucked up way and it was dead silent and the WHOLE time i was like, and this is the moment when like a maintenance worker turns the corner and finds me and is just like, hello??? theres some clown playing with worms in the tunnel????

anyway that did not happen and instead i got my little doorway set up and then it was time to take the first pic (of the worm door by itself without me in it) which was when i realized that when i open my camera app my phone forcibly turns the flashlight off so every time i wanted to take a picture in the tunnels i was gonna have to turn my light off and just like chill alone in the pitch dark in a tiny tunnel for however long it took me to take each photo and i was like hm okay wig i guess so i took the door pic and then it took me like four tries to get myself positioned right for the cringe ass fail worms one because, surprisingly, it is difficult to position yourself directly in the center of an archway of worms that you cannot see, and while i was doing all those failed tries i got to spend a lot of time laying splayed out on my back in the dark on the tunnel floor anyway i got it finally so i just sort of kicked the worms to the sides and kept going in further. to get to the pit you have to turn left at the first fork and then take a right and then theres this weird like step? thing? in the middle of the tunnel and if youre me you have to do a super awkward crabwalk limbo step thing to get over it because the pipes on the ceiling above it are hot and the step comes up to like 6 inches below the pipe but also i dont like to touch the top of the step because its gross. so its always a production. this time i think they had worked on that pipe recently or something because it was leaking so the step was wet and the pipe dripped hot water onto my neck while i was crawling under it LMAO

anyway from there its a straight shot and it opens out into this like larger room near the entrance to the engine room and the pit is right at the edge of where the dirt of the tunnel turns into the concrete of the room floor. and theyve like half-covered the top of it in wooden planks but theyre not held down so when you have to step on them just for a second to get out of the tunnel its so nervewracking. theres overhead lights in that room though so that was nice idk if i couldve managed the flashlight-camera-transition in the dark AND one-handed. so i took my from-above tunnel pic and then i was like (checks my photos list) “well...... i did say id get two from inside the pit.” i had actually never been in the pit before because the other two times i’ve gone to the tunnels i’ve been with other people and they would barely even let me get near it let alone get on the ladder. so i was like well i guess there is a first time for everything so i put my phone in my back pocket and ducked under the little yellow chain they have up and started going down the ladder and i got like 8? maybe 10? feet down before i thought to look down again and let me just say..... all the times we had looked into that pit from above we had never guessed anywhere CLOSE to how deep it actually was. thats all. so i was like.... um i was expecting to be able to like, stand on solid ground while i take this pit selfie, but that was clearly not going to be an option, but also i had committed this far already to getting these pics from the pit so i was like ugh i guess and hooked my one arm over the ladder so i could get my phone out w the other hand and take the pics from in there. and then i climbed back out. the ladder rungs made my hands SO gross and dirty with rust i was like eugh eugh.

but after that the only picture left to take was the one w my pen and the only way for me to go was back out towards the entrance so i was like its fine im almost done. so i went back out until i got to the tunnel after the first fork and i was like cool here’s a good a place as any so i got my pen ready + went to get my camera out, and literally RIGHT as the flashlight went out and the camera app opened i was like SO sure i saw something move vaguely in the darkness to my right like REALLY close to me shoulder height so i was like uhhh no and took a flash photo more out of reflex than anything and i didnt see anything but also the flash lit up for like, one second and then it was dark again so i like switched back to the flashlight really quick and obviously it was just a normal tunnel and i was the only one there so i opened the camera app again to try to take the pic again and literally just like the first time right as the flashlight turned off i was soooo sure something moved right next to me like so close but i was like “nell. youre being insane.” so i didnt do anything and i just took like three more possible variations on the pic i wanted and then i turned my flashlight back on and once again obviously nothing was amiss so i was like epic win and went back out the tunnel entrance. and then i was like............. oh god i have to do the gate squirm again. but there was no other way so i just did it really fast before i could really get worked up about it lol and then i went back over to the freight elevator only when i pressed the button it would light up and then immediately go dark when i unpressed it and i was like oh fuck because 90% of the time when you get in on the ground floor this elevator literally refuses to take you to the basement and i was like oh no it re-locked while i was down here and now i can’t get up this way so im just like in this basement for the foreseeable future but then of course as i was going down that tangent the elevator doors opened and i stepped into the fluorescent light and looked down and was like wow i am just so thoroughly, completely, orangely covered in dirt. but i made it home with like 5 minutes to wash up a bit before my evening class so that was a win! i did learn however that i should never take my evening dose of adderall directly after a bit of minor breaking&entering while the adrenaline is still there because when i got to class i almost jackhammered a hole through the floor with my shakyleg

#tired and still probably quite dirty if im being honest but Satisfied with the Outcome #also i had a lot of fun during + especially afterwards when i got to actually use the pics i took

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lorencourtier · 4 years

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Discord Thread II Loren, Jace, and Emily

Discord thread featuring: Loren and jace @jace-matthews and Emily @warmvlbes

Mentions: @malakhai-ozera @davieslandon @bensonnick

When: July 28th

Description: Loren, Jace and Emily all get into a fight after Lorens texts with Emily

Jace “do you know what’s funny? You and emily living under the same roof but texting each other. Cutest friendship ever.”

Loren. “It is funny. But I don’t wanna leave you.” He laughs

Jace “I’m sure it’s juicy whatever it is.”

Loren. “Oh, just Khai shit” he shrugged

Jace “because....he backed out of a chat after a couple exchanges about a food item?” He snickers rolling his eyes.

Loren. “Yeah... I don’t know. I thought it was funny”

Jace “guys are weird. Id know. I am one.”

Loren. “Yeah, I just don’t have the brain power to analyze Khai right now” he chuckled

Jace “who...does?” He laughed. “I haven’t even had the chance to speak to him really”

Loren. *so, I guess if you wanna move in with me. It’s gonna be at my old place. Thank god I still haven’t sold it yet”

Jace “I beg your pardon? No I’m not doing that.” “I like it here.”

Loren. “So then move in with Emily. I’m out.” He gets off the bed and starts grabbing shit from the closet to throw back into its box

Jace “can you explain to me what is going on?” “because y’all are literally in the same house. Don’t make me pull you both out into the common room and treat you both like my students that I mentor”

Loren. “I’m just done supporting her ass and then she turns around and calls me fake because I think their being intense and weird? Fuck that Jace. I don’t need this shit in my life. I’m sorry.”

Jace “Okay first of all: watch your tone with me. Second of all: if you felt that way, then maybe you should’ve told her that versus saying other things? Calling people is tense or weird isn’t nice. And you know how Khai is with emily. You can’t blame her for acting out. He’s literally done nothing but to prove he can’t be trusted. If I did that shit with you, how would you feel being called intense or weird? You’re her best friend loren. She’s always going to look to support you bc I’m sure if I fucked up, she wouldn’t be on my side. you don’t have the brain capacity for tonight, okay. But insulting them all together isn’t going to solve anything. It does come off a little left sided.”

Loren. “Okay, you know what. She should know damn well I love her. I get intense and weird myself and if I was being that way I wouldn’t be all shitty for being called out on it. Second off. I know how he’s been, fuck do I know, and if it were you I would have already left. I don’t do this drama shit, I don’t play, and I’m not about to be disrespected for speaking my mind. I always have her back, always. She knows this. I try to help her see the light in Khai because she loves him. I personally don’t like him. Anyway, I’m leaving. You can stay wirh her”

Jace “loren you’re staying and thats final.” He said raising a brow. “Im literally moving in with my boyfriend of 24 hours and she didn’t call us intense or weird. So she’s stronger than the average person but that doesn’t make her crazy. You hurt her feelings loren. And so she did it right back. Y’all just need to talk this out. But you’re not leaving and if you do, thennnn....I’m gonna take a step back because this can be easily solved and if you walk out on her for this, then I’d hate to see how you’d react for the first time we fight. running away solves nothing.” He shrugged. “So either get it together the both of you? Orrrrr Im out.”

Loren. “You’re kidding right? This isn’t our first fight, and if your out for that. Because she disrespect me. Then you know what? I’m sorry. I’m not gonna sit down and be a fake person and smile when all I do is be there for her. I say one thing she doesn’t like and I’m the bad person, and now you threaten to leave me because I don’t wanna deal with it? That hurts” he turns around and walks into the bathroom slamming the door

Jace “did she not feel disrespected by you too though...?” “EMILY GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW.”

Emily She walks in, standing in the door frame.

Jace he opens the bathroom door. “LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW. I’ve had enough with both of you. This is bullshit. OVER A BOY? REALLY? Y’all- it’s KHAI WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. he’s not perfect. You’re not perfect. pointing to em and you are not perfect pointing to loren. BUT DISRESPECTING EACH OTHER IS A LOW OF ALL LOWS. IT SOLVES NOTHING”

Loren. He comes out of the bathroom and pushes past them both. “Figure your shit out. I’m done” he said to Emily. Turning to jace after. “You wanna leave me over this? Fine. Do what you want. I’m leaving” he walks toward the front door

Jace “Loren if you walk out that god damn door, I will know your love for me was not real and you are running from me just like you had to do with Landon. Pick and choose your battles right fucking now bc she is here and so am I. I am trying to help. and you literally aren’t even listening. You’re too busy trying to run.”

Loren. “I can’t believe you just said that to me. You can’t be serious”

Jace “you two need to talk. I don’t care if it doesn’t happen tonight but we’re not about to throw away this home over a boy. YOU can’t be serious. You’re running. Is it that easy for you to walk? I’m trying to help.”

Emily “I’m not going to be the reason y’all break up either.”

Loren. “I’m leaving because I’m obviously needing to cool off. But you want me to stay and keep fighting? You want me to be fake and say it’s all okay? Fine... it’s all okay baby. She didn’t disrespect me at all. Happy?”

Jace “did I fucking say THAT LOREN? NO I DIDNT.” “I JUST SAID TO TALK IT OUT”

Loren. “I DONT WANT TO! I tried and she just kept saying fuck me. So guess what! Fuck me!”

Emily “Loren wait*”

Loren. “I don’t wanna do this. I am not about to do this again. Just stop” he said dropping to the floor and holding his head

Emily “look i was fired up and said some things I didn’t mean. But you really did hurt my feelings...”

Loren. “Just stop”

Emily “stop what! I’m trying to apologize”

Loren. “I didn’t do a fucking thing wrong. And I can’t do this... i need to leave”

Emily “so my feelings are invalidated because it stung to hear you call me weird and intense? With someone you’re usually happy for me for?” “i mean if it means saving the friendship, I’ll just stop going to you about Khai. It’s not like I can talk with anyone else about him. So I’ll just leave the subject of him to deal with myself.” “because all people do is want to either try to insult him or tell me how I should do better. I’m just gonna...stop...talking about him”

Loren. “Well I’m sorry you don’t think it’s intense and weird to be off and on and constantly trying to one up each other. I don’t care what you do. I always support you, you know damn well I do. But YOU” he pointed to Jace. “Just broke my fucking heart.”

Jace “what the fuck did i do? You just tried to walk out on me for trying to help mend something?”

Loren. “I never said I was walking out on YOU”

Emily “Loren YOUVE always supported us so it was just weird to hear you say that...it felt out of no where. But I am sorry that I disrespected you. I just felt disrespected too.”

Loren. “But to throw Landon in my face? That hurt”

Jace “I’m not talking about this in front of emily.”

Loren. “Yeah. I’m just don’t with this whole conversation”

Jace “then go like you planned on doing.”

Loren. “I’m not going”

Emily “can we just light a joint or something? I don’t like us all fighting.”

Loren. “But I’m not about to ever be threatened like that again. Ever”

Jace “you tell me you love me every fucking day and you were ready to throw me in her by myself over some petty ass bullshit. You’re not going to just walk out on me trying to talk to you and that wasn’t a threat. It was a promise. Bc it was juvenile. This whole thing is Juvenile.”

Loren. “I was upset and the first thing you did was say I was acting out and sides with her. You wanna do that, fine. You don’t wanna talk about this in front of her, fine. I wasn’t walking out on you. I just don’t wanna live somewhere that I feel like I have to walk on eggshells. I did that my entire fucking life”

Jace “I was trying to get you to see from her perspective as you do every time I’ve spoken to you about my mom, or anything else loren.”

Emily “can no one leave? Please. Y’all this is my fault. I raised the tension bar and i don’t like this. I’m really really sorry loren.”

Loren. “ I see her fucking perspective. But she doesn’t care to see mine. I’m not even going to be okay with this. Or pretend to be. Maybe you should just... I’m not doing this. Fuck this” he started to cry

Emily she walked over and held him. “Jace can you just give me 5 minutes? Please.”

Jace “whatever”

Loren. “Don’t touch me I need to leave. I need to go. Just leave me alone”

Jace “I thought you said you weren’t going.”

Loren. “I-“ he just shook his head

Emily “Jace! 5 minutes.” She said again watching as Jace walked out. “Loren I know you hate me right now but you need to listen to me. You hurt my feelings too. Okay? I know you support me and yeah I see your perspective. But you’ve literally called me strong from day 1 and now it’s like you’re calling me weak for even attempting to make shit work with Khai.” She shrugged. “I don’t want to fight you at all. I’m just a little blindsided by the comments you made and I’m sorry because yes, you have supported me 100% of the way. But that’s exactly why I got confused and upset just now. as for Jace, I-I don’t have advice for that but you guys love each other and y’all just need to breathe and talk this out. But don’t leave. Because that’s clearly not what he wants. But if it’s what you NEED to do, then I guess do it.”

Loren. “Emily, I do nothing but listen to shit between you two. I never complain, I never hardly ever bring up my own shit. But the truth is. I do think you could do better. He obviously has shit he needs to deal with before locking down. But still I support you and root for you. I’m always honest with you, and I’m sorry you didn’t like what I had to say tonight. But it’s always something with him, and that’s a lot on me to make you feel better. I told you I was off. But you still get shitty with me like I’m supposed to just kiss your ass and lift you up. Now I This shit with Jace? Because of Khai and you and what he said... I don’t know if I can forgive that. It’s obviously just too much for me.’so leaving felt like the right thing to do. If he doesn’t wanna support me. Then maybe I was wrong about him”

Emily “I think he was just trying to support us both.” She said through worried eyes. “He cares about Our friendship, Loren. That’s not terrible but he didn’t need to stoop that low and I’m sorry he did. But i don’t think you were wrong about him. Just remember how much shit i deal with when it comes to Khai. But i still love him. Just like you love Jace. If you need to, stay in my room tonight. I don’t care. I want to be there. And like i said, I’ll stop talking about Khai because yes I fully take responsibility for this and that’s exactly why I don’t want to be the reason, or my bullshit with Khai, to be the reason y’all break up.” “I’m really really sorry.”

Loren. “I don’t wanna stay in your room. I don’t wanna be here. You both hurt me. You both made me feel like my opinion or feelings didn’t matter. He should support me not you. I know your friends but he is supposed to be my number one supported. Someone who calms me and is there for ME. I’m just not going to pretend this didn’t happen, and yeah. You started the whole fire in me but he fueled it. I’m just done. I’m just fucking done. Do what you want with Khai. But don’t expect me to sugar coat shit anymore. You deserve better. He’s a piece of shit. Handle it”

Emily “I’m just gonna try and move on. It’s all i can do and i don’t expect you to just bump and forgive me for this or forget this happened. I’m just saying sorry because your opinion does matter. It just hurt coming from you. And if you don’t want to be here, then go.” “or I’ll go. I’ll just go stay at nicks.”

Jace “and I’ll go too.”

Loren. “It’s like everything is fine as long as I’m saying what you wanna hear. How many times have I backed you or lifted you up?”

Emily “every time...”

Loren. “Now it’s all my fault and I’m losing my boyfriend over it? Go stay with nick like I fucking care.”

Emily “i was just saying that i will go....Christ.”

Jace “actually I’m still here but I can go if this is how tonight is gonna continue to pan out.”

Loren. “Are you here for me or her? Cause I’m a little confused right now”

Jace “I’m here for both of you because this fight is dumb. Like y’all both invalidated each other. Grow up”

Loren. “Yeah, grow up” he just laughed

Jace “yeah I’ll just go because we’re gonna be going in circles all night. I’ll see y’all later.”

Loren. “Okay, Emily, baby, it’s okay. I forgive you.”

Emily “no you don’t. I’m leaving too.”

Loren. “Jace, I forgive you too. It’s all my fault and next time I will watch what I say more carefully”

Jace “goodnight, Loren.” Walks out the front door and slams it

Loren. “Let it all be on me”

Emily she sighs, runs into her room and starts packing an overnight bag

Loren. “Don’t you ever talk to me again. I can’t believe you just did this to me after all I did for you”

Emily “loren I do not control Jace’s actions....”

Loren. “This is not friendship You just broke me in a million pieces all because of a stupid left on read by Khai”

Emily “Okay this is bullshit. I didn’t even do anything except fight with you. I don’t control what Jace does. I’m sorry he cared about both of us??? LOREN I SAT HERE AND TRIED TO APOLOGIZE AND YOU ARE BEING A DICK SO INSAID ID LEAVE. IDK WHATBYOU WANT”

Loren. “I’m going to get high. Fuck you”

Emily “fuck you too dude.”

Loren. “I’ve never felt so alone in my whole life. And I’ve been beaten, raped, and disowned by my father.”

Emily “I’m not Jace, Loren. he tried to help...”

Loren. “No your not. Did he?”

Emily “yeah he did but you’re too pissed off to see that and taking it out on me.”

Loren. “I don’t think he did. He threatened to leave if I didn’t just suck it up and forgive you”

Emily “shouldn’t you be fighting him?”

Loren. “That’s not someone who was trying to help”

Emily “you’re not even taking fault for what you said. You’re not sorry at all. You don’t care how it made me feel so why should I care how you feel right now? Oh that’s right. Because i tried to apologize and it’s still nothing.”

Loren. “All I did was wanna leave and I wanted him to come wirh me. But he chose you”

Emily “Because he didn’t want to see a friendship end over a stupid boy...”

Loren. “I didn’t say anything wrong You both were being intense and weird.

Emily “it’s funny how you can see things from Khai’s prospective but when it comes to people pissing you off, it’s complete tunnel vision” “Loren you don’t have to berate or lecture me again on how i can do better. I got it the first 2 times you said it.”

Loren. ”oh my god. Can you not just take one step back and try to see where I’m coming from?”

Emily “I did and do. Do you know how many people tell me that i can do better?” She asked.

Loren. “I don’t care that’s the thing. If you wanna be wirh him I support you. I just said what I saw and you flipped”

Emily “do you know how annoying it is to feel like Me fighting for something that i really want only for people to say why emily?”

Loren. “I give up. It’s always about you” “I’m trying to tell you. I support you”

Emily “if you’d let me fucking finish— I should not have snapped at you but it had been everyone. Literally everyone. Even anonymous beings telling me to do better. Hearing it from you, it just hurt. AND I KNOW LOREN. OKAY I KNOW.”

Loren. “But all you hear is this stupid shit I said one time”

Emily “you want what’s best for me. Okay i hear you. I do. I’m sorry. Idk how many times you want me to say it. I’m. Sorry. I know you want to see me do better.”

Loren. “I can’t even keep up with you right now. That isn’t even what I was saying” “Let me talk”

Emily “It’s how it came across loren.”

Loren. “I wasn’t saying that in our text. I was just saying. You two are intense and weird. I don’t see anything wrong with that, it’s who you two are. But you completely flipped on me. I always support you and root for you and try to paint him as an angel for you. You know I do. So why you went off on me is beyond me. You should know I’m not aaron or any of those stupid assholes. I’m here for YOU! Yeah, maybe you could do better. I don’t really like the way he treats you. But I didn’t say that in the text. I always support you. I wanted to take a step back and just cool off because you literally went off and said fuck me. I don’t need that shit. I’m battling my own demons too you know. Now Jace...”’he teared up. “I should have known better. But guess what? I didn’t. So now I’m broken and you can be sorry but it doesn’t matter. I learned what I had to I guess. I hope you do too.”

Emily “Loren you also just said that I could do better though. But i do appreciate you supporting me and I’m sorry...I’m sorry if I’m the reason you and Jace break up but i really hope I’m not. I highly doubt he’s even left. He’s probably just as broken but this is my fault and I feel horrible for all of this. At this rate, i don’t even know how i have friends because I’ve snapped at every single one of them this week.” She shrugged. “I just don’t want this friendship to die over this. This is so stupid. And I will bring Jace back in here because yalll have to talk. Don’t let this ruin you both. Please. but can i also please just ask for pure transparency with you? Because painting Khai as some angel ISNT going to help me if he pulls the shit like he did tonight.” she sighed, peaking out the window. “He’s literally on the staircase, top step. I’m gonna bring him back in here. Just please...try to talk.”

Loren. “He didn’t even do anything but not text you back. That’s why I try to calm you down. Cause something you act like he’s so bad. When literally he barely did shit. I get why you feel the way you do, trust me I do. I have trust issues myself. But Jace using Landon against me. I can’t even.... that’s just not okay.”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “Loren it wasn’t even about the text. It was the fact that he backed out of a convo when I was joking with my best friend. Hello.” She sighed. “Talk to Jace. It’s the only advice i can offer. I already said he shouldn’t have stopped that low and i mean it.”

Loren. “I didn’t run from Landon. I tried to protect him and then I fell in love with someone else. I don’t run. I cool off, and I’m done with this. This is too much”

Emily “Loren I’m behind you on this. But I can’t solve it. You have to talk to him, babe”

Loren. “Nope, let him go” “I’m used to being left”

Emily “Loren stop.”

Loren. “I don’t want to” “I don’t have the energy for this.”

Jace he walks in and grabs his book bag, trying to grab his things in peace, his face red from crying but doesn’t say a word

Emily “then give it up. If he’s not worth it then let him go”

Loren. “I didn’t say he isn’t worth it”

Emily “well he’s leaving.”

Loren. “Don’t you dare put words in my mouth”

Emily “I’m not...I’m giving you options Loren. Either talk it out with him, or let him go. doesn’t have to happen tonight. He’s already on his way out”

Loren. “Wow, you really don’t ever listen to me do you?”

Emily “LOREN IM LITERALY SAYING TALK TO HIM WHEN YOU CAN”

Loren. “Has the one choosing to leave” “He’s also the one choosing to hurt me. I can’t control him”

Jace “BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO, LOREN!”

Emily she sighed, and walked out.

Jace “IM HOMELESS. I HAVE TO FIND SOMEWHERE TO GO”

Loren. “Well, im just done. I literally can’t do this anymore” “You didn’t want me to leave. But there you go”

Jace “so that’s it. Youre breaking up with me”

Loren. “As long as it’s not me right” “No I’m not. You’re the one leaving”

Jace “I didn’t leave. I’m still here. I was crying on the top step because I shouldn’t have said what i said. And now yes I want to leave because I really don’t think i should be here. I’m not good for you loren. I’m not.”

Loren. “Wow.’okay”

Jace “You can’t convince me I am when I just hurt you that badly.”

Loren. “I really just don’t even understand how this is my fault”

Jace “i have to live with that for the rest of this life, this relationship. I’m not blaming you. I’m blaming myself.”

Loren. “You wanted to protect her instead of me. That’s fine. I’m just not going to beg you to want me. I’m not gonna beg you to side with me. And I’m sure as hell not staying in this fucking town”

Jace “so you are leaving”

Loren. “Why do I have any reason to stay without you?”

Jace “and I didn’t want to protect anyone...I was literally just trying to help... immsorry” “Loren if you leave, so will I.”

Loren. “You literally ask me every day if I’m okay. No, Jace. I’m not”

Jace “you don’t talk to me. You never fucking talk to me maybe I’ll just take that trip to Hawaii like I planned to find my mom.”

Loren. “I try to stay stable for you. For her. For myself for gods sake. But I’ve been through a lot. To the point I just wanna die most days. But you are literally the only thing keeping me going. Then you say that about Landon. Like I actually ran from him? I didn’t run from him. I was beat within inches of my life. Then I met you... and now you. Okay you know what. I can’t even... I just need to go. This is pointless”

Jace “our love is FAR from pointless, Loren.”

Loren. “Neither one of you let me talk”

Jace “you just spoke”

Loren. “I’m sorry okay? I’m fucking sorry. Can I please go get pure now?”

Jace “I don’t even know what that means. And I don’t know why you’re apologizing when I’m the one who fucked this up.”

Loren. “I don’t know either. I literally am not in the right state of mind tonight. I said that half a dozen times. And still... “

Jace “I’ll just crash on the couch. Talk later.”

Loren. “Okay. I’m done”

Jace “ok”

Loren. “Don’t say I didn’t fight for this” he says walking out the door and slamming it

Jace “what the fuck is going on?” He follows him. “you’re really confusing me loren. You wanna talk but don’t. You don’t want me to walk out, I don’t want you to walk out but here you are ready to skip town. So which is it? I thought you were needing a break to talk about this later. So I opted to stay on the god damn couch but that was a wrong move too. What the fuck do you want? Talk”

Loren. He sat on the top step and just cried

Jace “I love you loren. I’m trying here. But I don’t know what you want me to fucking do”

Loren. “I wanted you to back me. No matter what. I wanted you to love me, no matter what. I just wanted to know I could come to you with anything and you wouldn’t leave or tell me I was invalid in my feelings. Now everything is ruined, and it’s all because I didn’t want to be treated like shit by my so called best friend” [3:32 AM] “I’ve done shit for her that was so out of line, I’ve done everything for her. I didn’t deserve any of this”

Jace he sighed and sat down beside him, keeping his hands to himself. “Loren, you’re right. You don’t deserve anything that happened but you have 2 people trying to apologize. I don’t know how many times I have to say this: I was trying to get you to see it from her perspective. That is it. I’m not saying what you said was wrong. Im not saying what she did was right either, baby. You have to listen to me.” He sighed, wiping his own tears. “It’s...a boy. And this is a friendship. Khai is a shitty person, okay? But she loves him. And truth hurts. People lash out on that shit. All i was trying to do was for you to see why she did. I did have your back by trying to help mend it but I see that’s where I came off wrong. And I’m sorry.” He sighed, choking up. “And I’m sorry for what I said too. That was low of me and i know you will never forgive me for that.” She sighed, trying to catch his breath. “Truth is I do love you. I do have your back. You can come to me with anything but much like you told emily, I’m not one to sugar coat shit. I’ve been in my own depression since finding out about bea but you’re the reason I stay afloat. And no. Not everything is ruined. You still have me and you still have emily. But if you don’t want us, that’s your decision. We can’t force you to do anything. No matter how bad I may not want you to leave, the choice is yours.”

Loren. “I did see her side, Jace. That’s the whole point. I tried to talk to her and explain myself and she tore into me like I haven’t been there for her the whole fucking time. I can’t do this shit with her anymore. I can’t, and I can’t let it come between us. Yeah, you hurt me with what you said. I don’t even know what to do with that. But I’m so in love with you, I need you. I know you’ve been stressed and I think I just need to focus on us and not them. I need to. Because I need you, and I’m so in love with you. I’d fucking marry you if you’d let me. But you need to know, when I say I’m leaving. I just need to cool off. I’d never walk out on you. Never”

Jace he took a deep breath and moved to hold loren, cupping his face. “I know what it’s like to try and focus on others relationships. But she has to fix this on her own. You can only do so much. But y’all need to support each other. NOT that you WERENT before. Because you were. But you know what I mean.” He presses his forehead to his. “But i love you so much and yes, we’ll get married. I don’t want to lose you. I want us to work on ourselves together. But please be open with me baby. I can’t help you if you’re not”

Loren. “I’m trying” he said grabbing his wrists. “I’m so used to being told to keep quiet and to stay in my own lane. But I’m really trying. I told you about the heroin, and Dominic, and I have been doing good. But, I’ve just been stressed with Emily. Because I love her and I hate seeing her hurt” [3:55 AM] “Please don’t leave me. I love you so much and don’t you ever threaten me like that again. I literally crumbled”

Jace “of course you do baby. Shes your best friend.” He pressed his forehead to his. “I am so sorry. I really am. I just was scared to lose you. I didn’t want you to leave. Too many already have walked out of my life.”

Loren. “I didn’t even think that’s how you might have felt. I just thought you knew I needed to cool off and that’s my bad. I apologize for that. I do” he pressed his head back against his and sighed. “I’m never gonna leave you okay? I just build up and I go off. So I just need to calm down. Please know I’d never leave you”

Jace “I believe you. I’m sorry.” He told him, moving to hug him and breaking down in his arms. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” He repeated over and over in light whispers

Loren. He wrapped his arms around him and cried with him. Kissing the side of his head. “I’m so sorry too. I really am. I love you”

Jace he sobbed into his neck before pulling out and pressing his lips to him. “Can we go back inside our home?” He asked, breaking away from the kiss.

Loren. He kissed him back with all the love he still had for him and nodded as he pulled away. “Yeah baby. Let’s go to bed.” He brushed his cheek wiping his tears and smiled softly. “I love when you call it that”

Jace “well it is. It’s our home. I want it to stay that way.” He smiled, kissing him again as he wiped his own boyfriend’s tears. “Let’s go” he took his hand, holding tightly

Loren. “Yes it is” he nodded. He kissed him back and took his hand before getting up and leading him inside. “I’m not going anywhere, ever. I promise”

Jace “I’m not either. A trip to Hawaii? Without the love of my life to support me? I’d be out my damn mind.”

Loren. “Yeah, you would. But if it’s something you really feel you need to do alone. I’d respect that”

Jace “I can’t do that alone. I don’t have the balls to do it alone*”

Loren. “Okay, then I’m there. I’m by yours side always. I love you” he led him into the bedroom and pulled the covers back on the bed. “You sleep on my side okay?”

Jace “w-where will you sleep?” He asked lying down hesitantly.

Loren. “In your spot” he said. Crawling on top of him and laying his head onto his shoulder”

Jace “the switch up only for you to cuddle me.” He smiled, tilting his head up to kiss him. “I love you.”

Loren. “Yeah”’he chucked. Kissing him back before rolling off of him. Half his body still on him though. “I love you too. With every ounce of my existence”

#chats:jace #chats:emily #chats:discord #ft.emily #ft.jace #ft.khai #ft.landon #ft.nick

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