Me when Logan was about to walk away in the end and Wade was like "Logan 🥺" and that's all it took for him to stay... Y'all I can't they love each other so much 😭
after literal years i finally got around to downloading a pdf of the wipers times, an unsancitioned satitical british trench magazine circulated among the troops in france from 1916-1918 after the fortuitous discovery of a printing press. i have approximately five million other things i need to read so idk when i'll be able to devote much time to it, and i gotta pick up a proper copy bc it's missing at least salient no 4 vol 2. that said? i'm genuinely laughing at what i've skimmed so far
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
ID: A digital drawing of the Lamb and Narinder from the video game Cult Of The Lamb, dacing over a blue background. The Lamb is drawn with a short ponytail, wearing white shorts and a red top with short sleeves, as well as arm and leg guards. Their back is facing Narinder who is holding one of their hands up above their head. Narinder is drawn as his follower form, wearing wide pants and a red shirt with wide, shoulder-length sleeves. Both characters are smilling and have a slight blush over their face.
Me: [sees everyone talking about how Assad Zaman was "literally" coming up with RPF about himself and Eric Bogosian in an interview]
Me: ah, fandom's doing its little "interpret an innocent comment in Some Kind Of Way" thing again, let's go find the video and do our own critical thinking about what was actually said here--
Assad: What would happen if I said-- [words that cannot be interpreted as anything but RPF fanfic]
headcanon that tyson thinks percy and annabeth are married. like, he's fully convinced that they're newly weds. and that they just decided to have a private wedding. then one day. percy invites tyson over for dinner with his parents and annabeth. and tyson casually refers to annabeth as percy's wife. and everyone just pauses. but before percy can correct him. annabeth just slyly confirms it and continues setting the table.
In a series of events that absolutely nobody could have predicted, Steve’s parents adore Eddie. Richard thinks he’s witty and sharp, a breath of fresh air for a man stuck in endless meetings with corporate egos. Linda laughed so hard the first time they invited him to dinner, she cried. Nobody is more surprised than Steve, who brought his alternative high school dropout boyfriend to his parents almost as an act of late teenage rebellion. But hilariously, Eddie’s fun personality and his disdain for everything mainstream makes him catnip for rich pretentious people. They bond over their hatred of the idiosyncrasy of middle class small town people in America, everyone is so closed minded and average, you know? No ambition, nothing! And this guy is a rockstar, Steve!, they say. You could use some of that ambition yourself! Have some goals in life!
It’s almost insulting. Like that’s his boyfriend. They can’t like him more than he does!! But Steve even caught his mom smoking pot with Eddie in the porch after dinner one time, which was insane to him since the last time they caught him doing exactly that Steve had been grounded for a week. You were 16 Steve, and a star athlete, we couldn’t have you smoking in the house, she argued. And Eddie, the treacherous man that he was, agreed with her. How would you feel if Dustin started smoking, huh?
In retrospective, Steve should have seen this coming. His parents hate Hawkins people as much as Eddie does, they do everything in their power to be away from town as much as it’s physically possible without actually moving away. They’ve had the “moving to another state” conversation several times already, and it’s been Steve who refused every time. The entire fight about Steve not getting into any college had been more about having to stay in Hawkins than anything else. But of course, his boyfriend who is literally everything this town hates in a person would be exactly what his parents like. No bond is stronger than the one between people who hate the same things.
The difference between Season 1 and Season 3 of the Bad Batch
Season 1:
Omega: Crosshair, can I have a hug?
Crosshair: The audacity??? Of this Child??? Nothing would revolt me more than to show any kind of weakness to sate your neediness.
Season 3:
Omega: Crosshair, you're getting a hug.
Crosshair: The charity??? Of my Sister??? Nothing would give me more joy than to be hugged by the Literal Angel that you are, though I am a lowly worm.
it has occurred to me, as I age, that most people did not spend their childhoods getting simplified breakdowns of class-action lawsuits explained to them over dinner at least once a week