#affect her and her work which is basically being a scary person the only people that she allows herself to be kinda open with are

[theghostofwilburtheworm]

nobody understands megara from hades like i do/hj

[weebsinstash]

Alright bestie I’m on that shit again

So yandere Superman, right? Like obviously your fucked. The only other yandere in existence that might just be able to keep you from him is Batman, but even then he’d probably sooner work together just to ensure your safety- but that’s a prompt for another day.

Back to yan Superman, imagine you’re his darling and he is “keeping you safe”. But one day, you get snatched up by some organization that wants to use you as leverage or some shit, but you are just sobbing in relief at maybe being free- only to have Superman show up and do some not so super things to everyone who “stole” you

There are just so many casually horrifying things about Superman that people don't realize until you start like digging into his lore. "Oh he's super strong and a super fast flyer" actually he can do basically anything at those super speeds to the point he can literally even PROCESS THOUGHTS at near light-speed which means he has Absolutely Terrifying reaction times and can make plans and schemes on a dime, which, you know, can be even better utilized by him being intelligent. He has natural invulnerability so if you throw a punch at him too hard you could literally shatter the bones in your hand and he can't even control that, like you could literally hurt yourself with him on accident! He can see across INSANE DISTANCES and his x-ray vision doesn't have like a set range so he could do anything from, peep inside buildings to spy on you, to looking under your clothing for any bruises or injuries or even self harm marks, to peeking behind your hero disguise to learn your true identity, to seeing if there's anything inside your stomach and seeing if you're eating properly. Like jesus christ he literally found out Lois was pregnant from waking up one morning and suddenly hearing the heartbeat of the FETUS, there's literally nothing from him pulling that stereotypical "I know you're nervous or lying or afraid because I can literally hear your heartbeat increase" scary bullshit

And let's talk about Lois for a sec because my god her death was literally what kicked off the Injustice timeline? And there are other forms of Superman media where she just straight up dies naturally of cancer! Sure we could take the easy way and say "in this au Lois never existed or was just Clark's friend and he loved YOU" (which is my preferred default tbh bc, no competition for Reader lol) but I mean if you're going for that angst, that real whump, a yandere Clark Kent that just lost his wife/unborn child to either the Injustice incident or cancer, now overcome with grief? And in those cancer timelines they usually already have a son, Jonathan, and sometimes Jordan, and here's Clark thinking, well, his boy needs a mother, and he's got these weird feelings for you, and lil Jonny clearly has affection for you, maybe bring a bit of a platonic yan himself who sees you as either a big sister or even a secondary mom, so... be his wife maybe?

Like my god if Reader somehow helped him through the grief of losing Lois and managed to avoid "fully activating" Superman's anime villain arc, like he's going full fascist in the Injustice 2 Bad Ending, then some shit DEFINITELY goes down when Reader gets taken away. It just reactivates all his trauma. No! He can't lose anyone else! Jonathan can't lose anyone else! You're not just someone he loves, you're his FRIEND!

You're just huddled in whatever cell you've been kept in with your black eyes and bruises and knuckles bloodied from trying to fight back when you hear Clark's voice and you look up with excitement that just falls immediately off your face because holy shit did he just unlock that thumbprint scanner with a severed arm, and suddenly you're realizing there are other shades of red on his costume and dripping from his fingers

I can only imagine like, ngl I considered a sequel to my fic Doubt where Reader escapes the manor and runs into Supernan as the only other person who can protect you, so here we would have the inverse: you're the only one who knows about Clark's increasing instability and, while you still have your own freedom and autonomy, try to speak to Bruce about it, and now you have Batman Vs Superman: Competing For Your Heart Edition. I can only imagine what sort of unhinged reactions there would be if you think you've got Batman alone and you're beginning to cry all "Bruce I'm really worried about Clark, he isn't acting like himself, there's something wrong with him" and. Clark is like literally using his x-ray vision to read lips through the walls if he can't use his super hearing to outright eavesdrop.

Of course as you suggested, I'm always a slut for ideas with"oh shit I ran to this guy to help me and he's ALSO crazy, now they're teaming up and I'm in some weird shared/poly situation with TWO nutjobs". Lmao you go to Bruce concerned about Kal and Bruce goes to confront him and Clark just drops "did you know Y/N has been hiding self harm cuts under their hero suit also wow they smoke HELLA weed and im worried about their lungs and all the stuff they do when they're alone that no one else knows about 🥺" and suddenly here's Bruce " thanks i hate this actually :)" and there's a scheme concted to spy on you or move you elsewhere.

I've even thought of "Reader oh nooOoooOo, that, giant monster or villain attack or whatever also coincidentally destroyed your shitty little apartment complex? You mean Clark 'accidently' got sent flying into your building or smacked some giant creature into it and now you don't have a place to live? And you're broke too? Oh no 🥺 Well, BATMAN has this nice big house with lots of room in for you to stay toooootally 'temporarily', we PROMISE uwu"

Batman is the one who can put a tracking chip injected into your skin or even disguised as a filling in one of your teeth, and Superman is the one who can zoom off to rescue you/retrieve you "faster than a speeding bullet". I think one of the only people who could bring them down together at that point would be like. Fucking DARKSEID and, Jesus no, you definitely don't want HIM treating you as a pet 😭 the evil Batman that was brainwashed by him in the Apokolips War movie was scary enough (and scary HOT, lmao, let him keep me as some sort of prize and the only luxury Darkseid will allow him as a reward for his obedience. Lord Batman goes from having a meeting talking about like enslaving people to returning to his quarters and railing tf outta you because he's still holding onto some slim vestiges of humanity where he cares about you but also using you as his personal anti stress fuck toy)

[markerofthemidnight]

I love your Hatchetfield fics Grayscale and Hidden Depths. Can you tell me a tidbit about both/ether of them?

AHHHHHHH I’d be happy to oblige!!!

As much as I’d like to talk about both at the moment… I hate to admit this, but I’ve really been ignoring the existence of Hidden Depths as of recent. And Greyscale, but Hidden Depths deserves attention too! So, since Chapter 6 has been held back for so long, why not share some more about the Old Lords?

HD: ULTIMATE Recap was, after all, only a very small tidbit of extra info on them. I’m also working on a piece that’ll show you all their designs- except Kindler’s, since we’ve already seen his, but I’m not even halfway through that yet. Starting to get pretty concerned with how little I’ve been doing stuff as of recent…

Well, anyways! Here’s some extra information on the Old Lords and my thought process behind making them.

Kynzol Errakt (aka Kindler)

The God of the Sun and Flames, as you know. Previously known as the God of Drought in Chapter 1, but I felt like it was pretty odd to have a god whose powers can only be defined by what they aren’t associated with.

Obviously very draconic in design, but the dragon actually isn’t his associated animal. That would go to the thorny devil: everybody’s favourite spiky little reptile that I felt best summed up what exactly I was trying to go for with Kindler, and that was before I learned that they can apparently drink water by absorbing it through their feet!

Known as the Everburning Star, Kindler is the de facto leader of the Old Lords. He carries himself with a sophisticated yet very intentionally intimidating disposition, and tends to not really think about the wellbeing of others unless it affects his.

It’s fairly obvious from his behaviour that he has a pretty big god complex (ironic, huh?), and is incredibly stubborn in his beliefs. Not even the Old Lords would ever dare speak out against him: the only reason why they’re so comfortable with his presence is because they’ve spent 5,000 years with him.

You may be wondering why I chose this specific personality when it’s not very different from Wiggly’s. Well… that’s because Kindler was pretty much just based on my perception of what Wiggly’s predecessor probably would’ve acted like, which slowly developed into the dragon we know today.

The main difference between them, I’d say, is that Wiggly is only partly scary (hence why so many people are in love with him), whereas Kindler is actually genuinely scary and villainous. It’s like the difference between any normal Disney villain and Emperor Belos from The Owl House.

Trypnarash (aka Thrasher)

The God of Noise, associated with a bat for fairly obvious reasons. Rather fittingly, also as blind as a bat. For some reason he switches between having an Australian or a Cockney accent depending on whichever one I think would be better suited to what he’s saying.

Known as the Beastly Cacophony, Thrasher is… loud. Very loud. Strangely enough, he’s actually surprisingly chill: he’s pretty much fine with anything as long as it’s entertaining.

However, it’s important to keep in mind that this still doesn’t make him a good person. He’s evil just like the rest of them, only in his own ways. (Not Evil from The Lego Movie 2 is a song that I associate with him quite a lot, by the way.)

Inspiring false hope so that the others can crush it, and toying with people in more personal ways, is his MO. He pretty much does whatever’s most entertaining to him at the moment: the only reason why he’s alright with Blinky not being evil is because in a few months, he’s gonna be dead for good. No point in caring about that.

Gazon Q’raktic (aka Gazer)

The Goddess of Space, associated with jellyfish since it was the first animal I thought of that felt alien enough to be associated with space. Also known as the Scholar of the Stars.

My basic concept behind her and her personality was “what if the ancient deity was a girlboss.” A stark contrast to the slowly rotting incel with ADHD that we call Tinky. Some would call her arrogant, though it’s important to keep in mind that arrogance implies misplaced confidence.

And hers is definitely not misplaced.

She is smarter than you. Much, much smarter. Gazer has peered into the distant voids of space, and understands the universe in a way no one else can. She knows how the Big Bang happened, she knows about the existence of extraterrestrial life, and the answers to many more unanswered questions about the universe. How does she know? Simple: she figured it out. HERSELF.

She has an IQ of at least 2,000. And she is cursed with knowledge no one else can ever bear: because no one, not even any of her fellow Old Lords, is intelligent enough to understand it.

Kindler is arrogant to the point of being delusional. Gazer is… probably the only one out of those five who actually has her head on straight.

Honestly, she’s also probably the closest to being a good person, as well? Whenever she plays with mortals, it’s usually some kind of simple challenge with fair enough rules, which only gets violent if those rules are broken.

Retonydunfir (aka Rattler)

The God of Decay, associated with vultures. The name Rattler comes from the bones all over his body. Known as the Harbinger of Decay.

Rattler is… you know how I just said Gazer’s probably the only sane one there? He’s close to being sane. Not quite there yet, though.

His base personality is best described as the archetypical cranky grandfather who says the most appalling and racist things as if he’s just talking about the weather. Except Rattler is more intimidating than that.

He works slightly differently to the other Lords in that his powers are fueled. When something somewhere in the universe dies or decays- no matter how great or small- he gains power.

He is obsessed with what he calls the “art” of decay. Partly because it fuels his powers, but mainly because he’s just, for lack of a better term, a nightmare fetishist.

This stretches not only to physical decay, but mental decay as well. Unlike Nibbly, he’s very patient, and prefers to make people suffer through slow torment that steadily gets worse as it continues, rather than just… eating them.

Definitely not someone you want to have on your bad side… or your good side, as he’s known to subject some of his own followers to similar things once they die. What they endured his room (and, to this day, continue to endure in Nibbly’s room) can only be described as a really big, really long retelling of I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream.

Stinturmor (aka Stinger)

The Goddess of War and Discord, and probably my favourite out of the old Lords in Black? Her associated animal is an ant, because ants go to war with each other all the time. She’s known as the Gyne General (a gyne being the primary reproductive female in a system of insects, i.e. an ant queen).

She has two forms in total. The first and more commonly seen one is a small cartoony blue ant. The second… I can’t talk about what the second one looks like.

She’s also the first of the Old Lords to have her room fully designed. It’s a medieval castle on a hill (🎶 AS THE STORY GOES 🎶), mainly either royal blue or baby blue in colour.

She likes ponies, drinking tea with honey, and drawing her favourite mortals all being horrifically tortured whilst laying on her little princess bed with her feet kicking in the air like a toddler.

…Yeah.

So the main inspiration for Stinger, as well as my headcanon voice for her, was The Ghost of Christmas Present from Scrooged. If you’ve watched that, I’m sure you’ll know exactly what Stinger’s going to be like in the story, specifically when talking to Pokey.

The reason why that specifically is her personality is because, if Pokey represents peace and harmony, she represents war and discord. Dissonance, conflict, contrasting elements between characters.

So naturally, my only option with her was to play up the general vibe of the canon LiB, giving her two sides: the first being this cutesy little whimsical creature who talks like she’s from Oz, and the second being a horrible nightmare that’ll torture you for days on end, kill you as soon as she gets bored, and then resurrect you as soon as she gets bored of all her other favourite playthings.

She also has the ability to summon any weapon at will. And I do mean any weapon, even ones that she shouldn’t feasibly be able to wield. She prefers ones from the Dark Ages or beforehand, but unfortunately for you, our dearest Stinger doesn’t exactly believe in consistency.

For this very reason, I am very much looking forward to writing a scene in Hidden Depths where she just nonchalantly whips out a grenade launcher.

[amphiptere-art]

This is a info post for my red, blue, and black AU until I get a proper character art to pair it with.

So my red blue and black AU is a Sun and Moon show AU. Duh.

First I'm going to post quirks about each character that will be explained later.

Eclipse

Eclipse is two AI merge together. One similar to blood Moonb(red moon) and one similar to lunar (Sun copy).

The red moon AI coding causes eclipse to have a very simplistic, rhyming, sort of speech.

Eclipse will kill any sort robot similar to tsams-eclipse. If you were an AI that invaded a sun's mind or your name to eclipse in your universe. He will hate you.

Is often prone to more physical bursts of happiness. Ergo imagine the let's get crazy for New Year's kid.

Considers the computer is adoptive dad

Goes by blue moon when traveling universes.

Moon

Is much more into his work. Ergo his technology making and marketing.

Will act very animal like with possessions or places that are his.

Switches between somewhat calm and somewhat scary crazy.

Will often use suns ESA cat. Maybe even more so than sun.

Sun

Has lots of nightmares. Lots of nightmares.

Is easily prone to short bursts of anger.

Will have moods where he will refuse to give people their proper names.

Switches between having anxiety attacks to trying to manipulate you to buy him ice cream.

Has an ESA cat.

A lot of what is said below can be inferenced from this post.

In this universe tsams-Eclipse AKA Moon's leftover kill code. Instead of becoming tsams-eclipse became a part of Sun. Changing his personality to be more like one he when searching for tsams-eclipse. Although not entirely like that. he suffers from frequent nightmares. Being snarky, conniving, and downright a manipulator in some situations. Although his previous personality does show out with anxiety attacks, a general nervousness to be useful and other such traits that sun has now.

Moon of course wasn't exactly a fan of this situation. Blaming himself like he does in the show. But life continues on like normal. Imagine the Sun and Moon show except for the majority of the time Sun is an ass. Until Moon's kill code starts to show up.

This is where a lot of things change and a lot of me taking an inferences happens.

I like to think tsams-eclipse acts almost entirely like moon times and I believe Moon shows traits of tsams-eclipse all the time. Ergo moon might do things tsams-eclipse have done. Ergo moon starts making different AI to help him with sun and with himself.

Basically at first he creates a blood moon like AI. To "kill" the kill code. Of course he finds out that AI is very volatile. And might kill him in the process. He then creates an AI like lunar to suppress the kill code. Unfortunately much like lunar when kill code appeared It does nothing and for the most part and just hides. Moon's kill code appears much sooner in this AU so he chucks those AI into the computer and tries to figure out other solutions with a Monty.

The computer, of which is much more independent in this AU, decides to do some tampering of his own. He takes the good parts of both the blood moon AI and the lunar AI (which technically in this AU is called red moon and Sun copy) and emerges them together creating this AUs eclipse (only by name). Creating a AI that can not only lift people spirits but also defend itself if needed. Kind of imagine Earth if she was more giddy and might claw your throat if you tried to threaten her. He is my mental love child of lunar and blood moon.... quiet.

Eclipse who is just now born. Considers the computer his creator despite the fact that Moon technically was also his creator. The computer gives eclipse the objective to save Sun and Moon from their kill codes. Now sun already being affected is mostly switched in his brain too "help sun learn to live a normal life" While moon at this point (who is not fully infected) is as the objective states.

Eclipse tries to do this but of course he is a brand new AI who was a mix of a giddy lunar type personality with the speech and straightforward thinking of blood moon doesn't really help too much. Moon getting desperate finally creates the star (Or gets out? I'm not sure when the star was made in this AU). And starts talking about plans to use it to reset him and sun should they both go over the edge to Monty.

Eclipse of course is terrified of this idea. The fact that his brothers might just be wiped. Now technically. although I didn't mention it, Eclipse has grown as strong friendship with Golden Freddy. Having gone to him first after hearing about his ghostly magic to see if he could do anything about Sun and Moon's kill code. Now of course the situation is the same, he can't. But Golden takes eclipse under his wing. Seeing as Moon is too concerned about suppressing his kill code in his own way and sun is quite literally a manipulating jerk with anxiety attacks. So when the star is mentioned eclipse goes to him to see what to do.

Unfortunately after this conversation Eclipse goes back only to witness moon being completely overtaken. The star in his hands. Eclipse swipes the star. Terrified of what moon might do in this moment of panic. Moon of course acts very much like he does in the first episode that kill code takes over. He maniacally asks Eclipse for the Star back. Eclipse stunned by his failure runs back to Golden. And begs him to hide it. Not wanting Moon Sun or Monty to use it in any way. He's had mild success helping sun live a relatively normal life And he now plans to do the same with Moon.

Eclipse goes back and after suppressing kill code moon decides to lock them up until he calms down. Sun of course not being affected the same way is having a panic attack. After everything is calmed down Eclipse sets on his plan to help Moon repress kill code the same way he did before. And let him live a normal life.

A bunch of time passes. At this point Moon has repressed it to about the same level before he separated from Sun. Moon is mostly the same with a little bit of quirks. While sun becomes very eclipse like. Moon just becomes overall more animalistic in some situations. His room becomes something he defends. Other such objects that are possessions are treated much the same way. If you are to startle him there is a good chance he might attack you. And they're also is that general scariness about him.

At some point in time the cube (which is technically just the askers) appears. The cube is the creation of a time paradox. One I am not going to explain. All you need to know is that the cube will spontaneously teleport to a different universe or dimension. When it appears it goes and finds the first animatronic it finds. It just so happens to be Eclipse. It bonds with the eclipse and while at first eclipse and brothers just thinks he's found a new friend he is actually found a new deadly travel partner.

The first time it happens Moon the computer and sun all panic. There's nothing like having a pleasant conversation with your crazy brother and then him just up and vanishing into a dark purple mist. When he reappears in the same place he disappeared in they of course crowd him with questions. Eclipse at the time didn't know and after the third or fourth time of this happening a moon finally figured out it was the cube. Moon then gives him a dimensional travel chip And that's kind of where we set off.

Eclipse of course unfortunately learns about the main timeline. And shortly gains a hatred towards anything like the kill code. Usually in the form of eclipses. Or anyone like tsams-eclipse. At some point he also greets the grandpa lunar. Who much like nice eclipse therapizes him.

Moon and Monty are still looking for the star. But Golden has kept it well hidden. Sometimes Sun and Moon will come over to his place to do some soul magic to try and help themselves. But they have never found the star. Golden Freddy's magic is too strong to sense it through.

It is around this time when the askers come using the cube as a vessel.

[trash----panda]

More background

Ok so tw. Abuse, seggs mention, death, ect. Their background is a result of my tweening and though i tweaked it it is still a little eh

Birth years:

-1446 Adam's birth -1451 Richard's birth -1452 Cassity's birth -1453 Dani's birth -1454 Liam's birth -1460 Minx's birth -1470 Kit's birth -1536 Boa's birth

Dani was afab, so in the 1400s it was basically the same mentality as a Medieval setting. Though he tried to be a good kid and work with his father in the field ultimatily his father decided this "im a boy" talk was too much, going as far to kick him out. For the longest time Dani lived on the streets, even before immortality being pretty durable, he'd pretend carrages ran him over for compensation or simply to pick their pockets. Sometimes he managed it, other time he got beat to a pulp and had to have Adam fix him up. But either way he some how survived. He managed to transition pretty well and make himself appear more male, thinking his father would accept him better if he saw it. He went back to the farm to try and ask if he could return but his dad immediatly accused him of working with a demon, striking him with the pitchfork he was brandishing. The stunned Dani ran, assuming that he'd get away or survive but the adrenaline was the only thing keeping him from collapsing, which that didnt last forever. He ended up collapsing in the middle of the forest, in the ruins of an unfinshed ritual, his blood pooling in the carvings of the floor. Just before he passed he managed to summon a demon who kept his soul tethered to this plane to make a deal. She only wanted one thing, and that was him, he was a perfect specimen and being a rather young demon Shadow assumed she could seduce him. He accepted but never actually had real feelings for her. When she found this out (after the creation of Kit) she asked to change the terms, to consume his misery instead, he added his own terms as well, wanting his family to be sustained too. She agreed.

Cassity was saved just barely as she was fighting Orc who'd stormed her village.

Liam who'd locked himself in a dungeon had stopped starving suddenly.

Adam didnt know until Dani pushed him off a cliff.

And Dani, he let the world burn, recruited a dragon, fed his father to it. He'd kinda assumed he would come back but someone who denounnces you as family isnt family anymore. Not that it mattered, just solidifying his hatered. He ended up destroying the village and going on to continuously bring chaos and misery though the years. Adopting and making more Newmans as he pleased.

Until he met Cass. He teased and prodded at the demi-god, harming him as a "joke" since they both healed. Until Cass scratched back, leaving an actual scar on his chest. Seeing he had power against the human Cass became an enemy that always tries to attack on sight with Dani. The human had to be saved by one of his friends who managed to talk the demi-god down from ending him. It's only been in the recent 100 years but that's when it hit him how scary death was, how horrible he'd been being, his personality dulling a little. The immortal now docile instead of his normal choatic neutral attitude. He started helping people out and ended up going to applogize for bothering Zane and Kori in their youth only to find them married. Of course intruding on their lives, like a stray cat making himself at home and coming and going as he pleases. Afterwards finding Vix after his cult burnt down, taking him to live with two dads who'd love him very much. Finally having a family to protect him. He didnt expect it, but has come to better understand affection, though he's still pretty sure people just keep him around cause they cant get rid of him.

[mdhwrites]

Since you started Arcane I gotta ask. I think you mentioned about Powder not reacting accordingly to her family death from the bomb... on that scene she was sorry to Vi she messed up not that she killed their father basically. Vi reacted "normally" but Powder didn't show any remorse.

Do you think she became numb to "death" since she witnessed it from a young age with her parents on the bridge? Vi was a bit older so maybe she conceptualized it already. Since then it's clear they faced death many times around, Zaun is harsh environment/upbringing after all, what's horrible to us is average there. I think she may have became a sociopath from it. Vi as well to an extent but only to strangers, death of close ones will still affect her, Jinx cares if only Vi dies tho (well not just her. Actually I'd add more to that but it'll be spoilers until u finish so I'll wait)

So first: I won't be finishing Arcane. That sucks but at least until I can bury my own trauma from my brother, I just can't have that casting a shadow over it. It'll make it hard for me to enjoy any of it, let alone review it properly.

However, I actually want to rebuff this analysis of how Powder reacts and try and be a bit fairer myself. First: She does technically react to her father's death but she never apologizes. She instead acts like a small, frightened child. She starts shutting down, wanting to be assured things will be okay. That things are okay. It's a very classic response to this sort of trauma, not helped by the fact that, as someone else pointed out, Vi had taught her to react to things with violence but now violence was getting her in trouble.

That is the counterpoint though, isn't it? Milo says in the first episode that Vi was twice the person Powder was and I kind of have to wonder if that meant she actually, you know... Was a member of Zaun. Was a member of the violence and trouble. Even worse when you remember that while they're young, Powder still looks at least 5 during the battle at the bridge that claimed their parents. That KILLED their PARENTS. And she isn't breaking down or running from the scary man who just murdered an enforcer in that scene.

And the rest of the first three episodes are warring with itself over how to write Powder. Is she a ruthless child of Zaun, out for blood and to make a name for herself? The sort that would have absolutely godlike aim even at her age, at the point where she can far surpass others who are years older than her with ease? All while having a cold, expressionless face until she's done with her task? Or is she the innocent? The one who can only run and who seems damn near traumatized by the sight of just a street brawl happening in front of her? The noise fades out and echoes while things go into more slow mo like most media does to show something horrifying, which the street fight in episode 1 seems to supposed to be for Powder, but like... Is that REALLY the first street fight she's seen? Milo even says she needs to take a punch like she's literally never been hit, which does have the horror of Vi being the first person to hit her but this is the same person who made an explosive monkey filled with a material she knew could do some REAL damage to people and property.

It's still done well enough that Powder isn't awful. The pain of the last scenes of episode 3 are still mostly earned and I even admitted in my original review that I had to recognize that I had a problem due to personal elements. After all, characters can be multifaceted, have different sides to them, etc. like that... But that works a lot better for adults like Vander who have had the life experience to turn one side on and one side off. Even then, you still see a core of a person in there.

Meanwhile, Powder is fighting between the innocent little girl who's meant to die and her champion form, Jinx, and those parts to me are just a bit too incongruous. A little too at odds without a bit more smoothing out. It's SO close to being right though that I do want to cut it more slack than I originally did.

[nitrateglow]

Thoughts on a bunch of movies I saw recently

I haven’t posted much about what I’ve been watching, so here are some reviews.

Valley of the Dolls

This movie was sold to me as a campy mess and to be honest, that description is not inaccurate... but is it weird that the film actually moved me at points? Am I insane? Maybe.

The plot follows three young women in show business: good girl Anne (Barbara Parkins), who goes from secretary to model; the tragic Jennifer (Sharon Tate), a kind-hearted but talentless chorus girl who views her body as her sole value; and of course Neely (Patti Duke), the ruthless singing superstar with a passion for “dolls”-- that is, barbiturates. The stuff of soap opera ensues: love triangles, husbands with rare, incurable diseases, backstage backstabbing, affairs, etc.

The style is strange: director Mark Robson shoots this sleazy story as though it were a 1950s prestige picture, which somehow makes the material seem even more tawdry than it already is. The dialogue has some real corkers-- my favorite is, “SPARKLE NEELY SPARKLE,” belted out by Patti Duke in her ever-controversial hamfest of a performance. Or the wig in the toilet scene which is... well, I don’t want to spoil that insanity for you.

But in-between the cheese and the sleaze, there are weirdly affecting moments. Two stood out for me: one is when Anne returns home after a long period, reuniting with her down-to-earth family, and the other involves Jennifer’s awful fate. It’s so weird that this disaster actually has emotional scenes that work... but that’s what makes Valley of the Dolls so interesting.

The Fabelmans

I regret not seeing this movie in the theaters, because WOW. It’s so fantastic-- the acting, the direction, everything.

If you’re unaware, this is basically a thinly veiled autobiography of Steven Spielberg’s childhood and teenage years, when he developed a passion for filmmaking and dealt with his parents’ strained relationship. It’s a slow movie, more character-driven than anything, but it was so well-handled. The characters were three-dimensional and the emotional situations felt authentic.

A lot of people describe The Fabelmans as being about the power of movies, and while that’s true, I was more moved by the film’s depiction of that point in your life when you realize your parents are not all-knowing demigods but human beings with dreams independent of their parental roles and failings that don’t make them evil but simply all too vulnerable and human.

Also the scene where David Lynch shows up as John Ford is freaking hilarious. And the advice he gives about composition is actually very good advice.

Magic

I first heard about this movie from a YouTube video and from the moment I realized it was going to be a creepy puppet movie with Anthony Hopkins, I was sold. Hopkins plays Corky, a struggling magician who makes it big when he incorporates a foul-mouthed dummy into his act. The act gets attention from a television network, but the requirement that Corky submit to a medical exam, he balks and runs off to his remote hometown. It turns out Corky suffers from mental illness, relying on his dummy Fats as a kind of alternate personality, and he’s afraid of being exposed.

Back home in the Catskill Mountains, Corky reunites with his high-school sweetheart (Ann Margret), an unhappily married woman looking for sympathy. The two start an affair, which upsets Fats. And when Corky’s agent (Burgess Meredith) tracks him down, well... things get homicidal.

This is a great slowburn horror story, less about gore and jump scares, and more about psychology. Hopkins is sympathetic and scary in the lead-- actually, I think he’s more frightening in this than he was in Silence of the Lambs, probably because he’s so much more unstable. You never know when he’s going to snap, especially since the fear of being found out by the other characters terrifies him so. As Fats, he’s hilarious yet amoral and coldblooded. I don’t like dummies on a good day and Fats only intensified that aversion.

Richard Attenborough directed the film and this is probably the first time I’ve been impressed with him in that role. I tend to find his style meh, but here, he has great command of pacing and suspense, as well as blending comedy with scares.

Also, I found out while reading about the film that there was originally talk of Gene Wilder playing Corky-- and that would have been so fascinating to see. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen, and while I think Hopkins is phenomenal, I would love to travel to that alternate universe where Wilder got the part.

Georgy Girl

I’ve been going through a lot of British New Wave films lately and Georgy Girl is from late in the cycle, reflecting more of the Swinging Sixties and less of the Angry Young Man trope that had dominated the earlier part of the movement. It has a cult following, but I’m afraid the film didn’t win me over at all, though it’s too interesting for me to dismiss it.

Technqiue-wise, the film is very New Wave, using a quirky, playful style to tell what is at heart a pretty downbeat story. It’s about a young music teacher named Georgy (Lynn Redgrave), an awkward, virginal, sensitive young woman self-conscious about her weight and crushing on her beautiful, promiscuous roommate’s “sexy” (I cannot put enough quotation marks around that word) boyfriend (Charlotte Rampling and Alan Bates play the ever irritating couple). When her roommate becomes pregnant, decides not to terminate the pregnancy, and marries the boyfriend, Georgina becomes excited, hoping to help her friend care for the baby. Instead, she starts an affair with the husband, essentially becomes the baby’s sole caregiver because no one else wants to bother, and finds out the unhappy, self-absorbed couple are going to put the kid she’s grown to love up for adoption.

Oh, and a rich older man (James Mason) who’s known Georgy since she was a kid wants her to be his mistress. That subplot is every bit as awkward and ew as it sounds.

All of these points come together at the end, and I admit the ending is so cynical and weird (and very reminiscent of the following year’s The Graduate) that I had to respect it, even though the journey was not enjoyable for me in the least. I just did not like or care about a single one of these characters, nor did I find their sour misadventures terribly funny. I’m not going to fault the actors-- it’s just the writing I did not care for and well, when that happens what can you do?

And now the damn title theme song is stuck in my head again...

[shmowder]

I looked at your blog at work and the grinning emoji is so scary looking on that computer?? The chipmunk/squirrel is even cuter though!

I love and admire people who are capable of inventing an interesting reader insert backstory <3 Cause mine are. Well. Low effort and bad (although I say this with affection). Young woman who just happens to be there. Daughter of a somewhat important person, important enough to be spoiled but ultimately well-behaved, unimportant enough to escape most people's notice. Personality may or may not change a bit depending on the fandom. It's fine though... just don't think about it too hard or else you'll find yourself staring at a big ol' void 😌

Ooh, now there's a scenario I hadn't considered! iirc Yulia isn't originally from the town; if the surgery is only taboo in the town then ideally it could be done most easily in the capital if she can travel there. But where's the fun and drama in that? Seems best if Artemy doesn't get involved; if Daniil's around at that time then maybe he should be on hand for backup.

There's something... romantic about the third option, I have to say. The level of trust involved! She shouldn't have to do it all by herself - do you think she would, though? It would be lovely to see her around the town more <3

Speaking of dreams, I'm not usually a dream rememberer but not too long ago I had a dream where I got shot in the kidney for NO reason. This was before I started thinking about Pathologic again so I can't even use that as an excuse. When I was little, I liked to read about extinct animals and the most vivid dream I ever had involved being chased around my own house by an enormous Great Auk that was taller than me. 0/10 would not recommend.

And lastly, I'm happy to hear that ^^ This is definitely the most I've ever spoken to anyone on here but I'm enjoying it a lot. And honestly you're making me use my brain more than I usually do these days, which isn't a bad thing. Just wish I could put my messages under a readmore for your other followers sake :P

🐿️ anon

I said it before, and I'll say it again, you hit the jackpot with the squirrel emoji. It's truly adorable, one of a kind and stands out.

Thank you <33 I'm glad you like my idea. Honestly I spend a lot of time just imagining backstories for various reader concepts and how to seamlessly weave them into the game story yk?

Like the medical engineer healer with the prosthetic approach to curing the plague and Yulia being their proof of concept prototype. They replace the infected organs of people with prosthetic ones to cure them at the hospital. Yulia x reader focused with some Daniil x reader.

There is also a lawyer reader who isn't a healer but one of the utopians. They come into the town and help defend Big Vlad Olgimsky for his crimes. They are morally grey and know there is no concrete truth in the world, so they easily twist facts to their advantage. It's younger Vlad x reader centred.

Reader x herb bride one too! Basically, the reader is sort of a cowboy/gunslinger? Their first seen is with them drowning in the river, poisonous water seeping into their lungs before a herb bride pulls them out and saves them. They are healers, and rather than cure the plague, they make it their mission to get rid of the army and their weapons of destruction so the real doctors are granted more time. They have a forbidden love story with the herb bride.

Fresh med school graduate reader insisting they company Daniil to the town. You're a Thanatica intern, but he is not your supervisor. It's a different doctor. Once you learn that Simon is dead, you completely lose interest and refuse to help Dankovsky with the petty revenge murder search. You and Dankovsky are both dandies from the capital, but you two never get along and always disagree and oppose each other in medical opinions. You're not a healer in this but one of the humbles.

My current fixation is about a semi-knight reader who carries a big fuck off sword around? While the soul n halves help the Haruspex, the dogheads are your gang of kiddos and Khan gives you insight on the town inner affairs. You're allowed on the polyhedron and vow to protect these children from any harm since day one. Except the polyhedron slowly makes you spiral into madness the more time you spend inside and the Kains really want you under their thumb. You're a healer and help deal with the plague by evacuating people to safer areas, carrying the sick to the theatre hospital and preforming basic first aid.

Reader being the inventor of this big ass canon that the army brings to tramble the town. You're a genius mechanic with a history with General Block. I haven't decided yet if reader is a healer or not

Etc the list goes on.

There are so many tbh, they just manfiest into my brain while I listen to music at the gym. I indulge the fleeting fantasies and sometimes revisit them.

But I prefer coming up with these concepts myself yk? Because I can understand my own vision. That's why general or vague requests are the best, they give me a lot of creative freedom. While the more specific a request becomes that harder, it will be for me to make a comprehensive story out of the other person's vision.

Requests are already a writing exercise each time I make them. When writing stories on my own, I can consult myself for any changes, plotholes, or inquiries I may have. But with a requester, you can only guess. You write with blind faith and hope the other person ends up liking it.

It was hard at the start, but I have been doing requests for about 2 years now? So I got better at reading between the lines in requests, noticing the anon's style and what they might like. It becomes a subconscious habit to pick on other people's preference and break down the specific words they deliberately chose to determine what kind of story they're looking for.

It makes it fun. And I enjoy making requests for other people. Someone wrote a request for me once when I was 13 and afraid of people, i spoke with broken English and was terrified of strangers online... But the writer was patient and listened to my rambling and gave me exactly what I was looking for! I didn't mention my preference or detials like that but they managed to grasp my mindest through my rambling. It was like mind reading i tell you. I still have that fic saved and admire it from time to time.

Reading is beautiful too, I like making stories and making people happy. Especially that these people already read! Like it is so much easier to go play a videogame or look at fanart, but no. You decide to read words on a screen, to get your fulfilment through the oldest form of entertainment known to mankind.

I love reading, be it fanficton or books in general. Words are indescribable. I love talking too!

-

Oh my god you got shot in your dream and didn't immediately wake up? Damn you must have pissed off the dream fairy or something. Most of my dreams are unpleasant so I feel you.

And dowhfksjsn being chased by a great Auk, especially a little kid too. 10/10 looney tones vibe dream.

Thank you for the praise <3 I do enjoy these conversations. It was a lonely empty blog before ngl- But please don't feel pressured into anything. I always be here and you can and go as you please, send an ask whenever you want.

Media analysis is the whole reason I fell in love with writing in the first place. I mean yes, you don't need to understand how a machine works in order to operate it, but once you do a whole new world opens before your eyes.

Art is a reflection of the observer. Whenever you like a piece of art, be it a video game, a movie, a story or a painting, you will be liking traits which you've already held yourself.

Think of it like light and colours. Each object under the light absorbs all the colours and reflects back one. Humans are inherently complex and filled with so many colours and traits much like light is, so when you observe art, it reflects back certian colours which originated from you.

That's why no one story will be the same. No one analysis of pathologic will be the same and not one single character depiction will be the same. Art will reflect different colours for different people. You and I can look at the same exact story and notice different things.

Even if we see the same colour and we both agree it's red, the hue will be slightly off. The saturation varying for each of us, it's brighter in some areas for you and dimmer in the corners for me.

When you ask someone for their opinion on a story or a character, they reflect back the same colour they saw in that piece of art. With their own special hue, you're seeing the story through their own eyes.

Nothing objectively holds any meaning. Words are just inky lines scratched onto preserved tree tissue.

The observer gives them meaning, You give them meaning.

It's always been you.

That's why you cannot possibly read too much into one thing, the curtians were blue for a reason. Much like the outside skies are blue and yet this character is sitting here, in a prison of their own mind between four solid walls. Yearning for freedom. For the blue skies just out of reach.

And the next best thing is a bittersweet reminder in the form of blue curtains.

Critcal thinking is a skill you nurture, a habit you build one day at a time. No one is born with great art observation skills, no one can glance at a piece of art and determine all the possible colours it can reflect.

But you can train yourself to shift the hue, to look at it from a different angle. To comprehend that art was never about beauty or skill, but communication. The artist will always leave a trail of messages behind them, even a kid's scribble can spell a new story if you pay attention to where the fingerprint smudges are located, that they drew they drew the house before the grass, that the smidges on the corner are from melted chocolate and cookie crumbs.

[odd8ball]

Lore

Land of Fae Emotional and mental Health

Thinking about how kids and emotional support affects fantasy wolrd. Child protection is way more important in the land of the fae than the human world because wonder at the world partially fuels magic (human or not) as discovered by one of the reapers and their culture in general kinda prioritizes mental and emotional health, a lot of faires see humans and their ass backwards treatment of kids and just go "I could do better than these people." and basically kidnap orphans or children in bad homes which is why humans being raised by fae is pretty common all things considered. Fae also embrace healthy coping mechanisms and negative emotion way more than humans as bottling those things up makes them harder to get rid of later.

As for emotionally healthy happy adults, well they're kinda seen as diamonds in the rough in human society but in Fae society it's way more common being honest about hard things and being supportive in times of need is seen as the standard. That said mentally unwell fae and people do exist and while there is always a place for you if you chose to get better and seek help if you don't and chose to remain in comfortable misery or stubbornness you're generally seen as the worst of the worst. To make an active decision to hurt a child emotionally or physically to make yourself feel better is seen as the lowest of the low especially if it's a child you raised, at best the kid will be taken away until you get your mental health together and at worst you may be turned to stone.

Emotions in the land of fae are so important culturally because emotional hurt can manifest itself physically and it's much more obvious to emotional creatures like Pixies or Gnomes. The greatest honor you can achieve to the fae is being able to look back on yourself at your worst and smile because that's not you anymore. That said this mostly remains as common in communities of fae, if you are a lone Pixie born from a flower with no friends or family it might be a bit harder to wrap your head around. This is how certain toxic groups of fae merge as a counter culture of fueling your worst habits, They typically call themselves Wraiths (despite still being pixies, gnomes, vampires Ect) and typically spread diseases rot and decay wherever they go. Physically their unaddressed issues may present themselves in multiple ways, usually scary manifestations of trauma that represents how the subject feels or perhaps a specific memory. It could be obvious what the issue is but typically it's so garbled and surreal only the person who manifested it can gleam any meaning. Wraith society keeps these manifestations of trauma locked away to be ignored, although in practice this makes them grow bigger.

Henry is a Sproutling member of Wraith society, he constantly overworks himself for the sake of his art. Luna grew up in a typical pixie community with a stable support system and an awareness of her flaws. As you can see there isn't much difference in terms of looks, the difference is one has a being of agony locked away in his Town and Henry is far more physically and emotionally drained. Both are pillars in their community for different reasons, Luna for being an Honest emotionally healthy hard worker with a friendly demeanor and Henry for being functional and "Proof the system works" Although Henry himself will tell you otherwise his negative self talk is seen as modesty.

Cain would be a lone Fae, he is trying his best to work live his best life but isn't aware of a pixie community. He emerged from a blue rose alone and was adopted by some passing Wraiths before eventually rejecting the toxic norm and living amongst the mixed bag people known as humans. He eventually found his happy place with a human man named Akio Sato who became Fairykin once Cain started seeing him as a father figure. Cain isn't fully aware of all of his issues but since he is consistently working on then it keeps a physical trauma creature from spawning.

[nightcolorz]

Poorly describing my versions of the Gotham rogues:

Joker: “yolo” in its most dangerous form, def is writing a slow burn enemies to loves fic about him and Batman. Gay and homophobic 💯 The other rogues don’t invite him to pride celebrations anymore cause he’ll keep calling people slurs “as a joke”. Him and Edward have longterm beef, like schoolgirl levels of petty drama.

Harley Quinn: would describe herself as a “girlboss” unironically while committing heinous crimes. tweeted “clowns aren’t funny” after breaking up with Joker (ended up causing a huge scandal). The OG “I can fix him” girl. Is sort of the rogues free underground therapist (god knows they need it) cause they can’t get professional help without being sent to Arkham.

Poison Ivy: Breaking News: Cottagecore lesbian commits mass murder cause her plant wilted. She’s what republicans think environmentalists are. Would get in a fist fight with that vegan teacher cause “plants have feelings too”. Has beef with most of the male rogues, supports ‘kill all men’ without realizing it’s a joke (she prefers ‘kill all humans’ but figured she had to downgrade because the Gotham city sirens are humans technically).

Cat Woman: “OH NO! It appears I’ve gotten stuck backwards in the bank vault step-Bat 😏😏😏😏😏😏, looks like I’m not stealing any more diamonds today 😰😩”. Mad respect for Selina, she just wants diamonds and bat dick, no tragic backstory or complex motivations needed. I personally like to headcanon her as wearing a straight up cat costume (ears and a tail like a true furry) cause it’s way funnier to imagine a sophisticated rich woman dressing up as a cat to steal shit than whatever bullshit DCs up to these days. Trans catgirl supremacy 💎👍

Scarecrow: That one guy who gets angry at people because “Halloween costumes are meant to be scary 🤬😡😑😒”. Doesn’t even attempt to express emotions, is the human embodiement of this emoji: 😐. His presence is more jarring than threatening, his intimidation levels are somehow underwhelming and overwhelming at the same time. The other rogues have collectively decided that he’s asexual under no assumption other than that they don’t want to imagine Jonathan having sex. Overtime Jonathan has become basically fearless (he smokes his own fear gas like vape just to feel something). Jonathan and Harley became good friends when they both worked in Arkham, their dynamic is surprisingly wholesome.

The Riddler: Didn’t get hugged enough as a child and is now making it everyone’s problem. Would hold a bank hostage to show Batman his third grade spelling bee medal. Is the only autistic rogue that gets accommodations in Arkham because he won’t stop bugging the guards. FTM trans ofc (his names Edward Nygma for Christ's sake). He ran away from home at seventeen and faked his own death (his deadname is legally dead lmao). Uses the terms “alpha, beta, and omega male” unironically.

Two Face: “Yeah, I mean, I didn’t wanna blow up the orphanage either, but Y’know the coin said-” The other rogues talk to Harvey as if he’s constantly at his breaking point, which is half true. Harv is a stone cold mf, he’s the rock that’s holding Two Face together tbh. Edward calls Harvey and Harv Jekyll and Hyde cause he’s that original. All the rogues have at least a sneaking suspicion that Bruce Wayne is batman and use Harvey as their little primary source (being ex besties and everything), until they find out Selina and Bruce are a thing of course. No matter how much evidence he’s faced with Harvey will never accept Bruce Wayne is batmam, he’s not ready to consider that one of the only positive people in his life has been duking it out with him this whole time.

Penguin: He’s the rest of the rogues chill gay gangster uncle I don’t make the rules. The iceberg lounge is like the Batman villain equivalent of The Central Perk from friends (aka: its their default place to hangout). Oswald always makes a fuss about them not making reservations ahead of them but at this point it’s just performative. Everyone’s 99% sure Oswald and Edward fucked at some point (Edward always makes a show of flustering Oswald when he needs a loan). Ossie always takes care of the others belongings when they’re in Arkham (he has a special place in his heart for Jonathan‘s crows).

The Mad Hatter: I love Jervis lmao he just really likes Alice in Wonderland and that’s a valid ass villain motivation 👍. One of the smartest rogues but doesn’t get enough credit because of how childish he is. He dresses in kids clothes, not just because he wants to but because he’s small af and can’t fit in shit. In public while the rogues are undercover Jervis usually wears a beanie or a baseball cap (he’d get spotted instantly if he wore his usual, but on bad days Jervis can’t bear to be without a hat). Jonathan and Jervis play chess a lot together in Arkham, and frequently engage in intellectual discussion, Edward tends to be a piss baby when Jon encourages him to do the same, he’s not ready to accept the reality that Jervis can match his intelligence.

Killer Croc: Waylon has a surprising amount in common with Jonathan, they share southern solidarity. He doesn’t travel out of the sewer often so the rogues will occasionally come to visit Waylon there (Edward always makes sure to complain loudly about the smell). Will show immense affection and loyalty to anyone who treats him as human (poor guy just needs a friend ☹️).

Mr Freeze: Literally just dead inside, someone give this poor bastard a hug. Victor stands as the most awkward rogue, he‘s sorta like the odd one out. The other rogues don’t interact with him that often because he’s sort of a party pooper. He’s the straight friend on thin ice, haha get it. Mr Freeze is my sisters favorite Batman villain because she thought the ice puns were funny in Batman in Robin, little does she know I’m embarrassing myself on tumblr in her glory.

Music Meister: So many of the Gotham rogues have horrible childhood trauma and Music Meister is just like “people bullied me for being a theater kid 😩😭💔😔”. In all honesty he’s iconic, in my au universe thingy I have him join the dork squad latter on and he sticks out like a sore thumb for a bit. I feel like him and Jervis would really hit it off though (mind control buddies, ha), although Jervis would always get him to sing Alice in Wonderland songs. In Arkham they have him wear a dog collar thingy and zap him when he sings, he gets bullied for that lol. anyways I’m sure I could make more of these, but it’s 2:20 am and my mind went blank. If y’all liked this I could always put more au headcanons out (I have A LOT)

[queen-of-the-night-lights]

Beautiful (Omega x Mom!Reader x Bad Batch)

A/N: So, I have been seeing all of these other stories with a few scenes of the reader being a mom towards Omega and then the rest of the story being with a member of the batch. While I love those my brain went “ Give this little girl done love and support” and I came up with this story which is basically Omega and the reader just hanging out by themselves. ( I also left the ending open so you can imagine the batch member of your choosing😉)

Warnings: None/fluff

Plot: The reader does Omegas make-up for the first time.

“ What are you doing?” The young girl asked innocently. She caused you to jump slightly, it has taken a while to get used to a new voice around the ship. “ People on this planet wear a large amount of make-up so I decided to wear some while I go out to get food and supplies. Here I would stand out much more if I didn’t wear any, opposed to if I did.” You explained brushing on some finishing touches. Meanwhile Omega just watched you, she has never seen anything even close to what you were doing, but then again she didn’t know much about anything outside Kamino.

When you finished you turned to the child and asked “ What do you think?” She smiled and said “ It looks good. A little weird because you look a little different, but still good.” She gave a soft chuckle “ Well thank you, I appreciate your honesty.” Just as you were about to put your makeup away Omega chimed in “ Can I try some on?” You turned back to the girl as she gave you a curious and pleading look. With a small smile on your face you approved with a “ Sure. Come sit down.”

You stood up from your vanities chair to let her sit in it hoping it would make her feel special, in some weird way that’s how you thought of the chair. Pulling a stool close so that you could sit while helping her. “ Lets see...” You said studying Omegas face, you didn’t want to put too much makeup on her since this is probably her first time putting anything on her face. While doing this you noticed many qualities she did share with other clones, making Techs statement a few weeks ago resonate with you. She of course was very different from Regs just like the rest of the batch was, but little traits here and there are where you can tell they are related.

“ Okay so, since I don’t want to put too much on you just incase you have a poor reaction to the makeup, we are just going to do yours a little lighter than mine.” You explained and she nodded in acknowledgment before asking “ What do you mean by reaction?” You then explained how some makeup isn’t compatible with people’s skin and how sometimes people have allergic reactions. After noticing the slight nervousness on the kids face you soothed her by telling her that you only use hypoallergenic makeup and the likelihood of her having a reaction would be very low, but you just want to be careful. After that reasoning she seemed to have gone back to her usual curious nature. “ So usually we would start with foundation, that this part that covers the entire face...” you gestured a circle around yours as you continued “ ...but since I don’t have your exact skin tone of foundation , we are going to use this powder.”

Showing her the brush and translucent powder. “ Now let me know at anytime if you are uncomfortable. Then I will stop and we will make sure everything is okay.” With that you started gently brushing the powder along her face. She giggled at first “ It tickles.” You smiled at her adorable laugh “ Yes it does at first, but I need you to try to hold still the best you can okay?” She then nodded and you continued. The brush was big and soft she had never felt anything like it before. It was a nice feeling as you gently brushed and stippled along her face. You then decided to skip the eye shadow primer and things such as that. Those are for another time when you could teach her longer and had more makeup for her to try.

“ Next, I’m going to have you close your eyes and we are going to use this brush with these two colors and put them right on your eyelids. After that I’m going to wet this brush and put a little line of eyeliner on. That’s this around the base of my eyelashes.” You explained closing your own eyes. She smiled and closed her eyes trusting you not to hurt her. You and the boys always made sure that she was comfortable, no matter what. However there was this different feeling she had towards you than with the others. While she trusted them and loved being around them, there was this different kind of feeling of care you gave off. Maybe it was that “mother” feeling the others told her you had. You just seemed to know the right thing to say and how to say it. You also knew exactly what everyone needed when sometimes they didn’t know themselves.

“ (Y/N), can I ask you something?” As you switched colors you replied in a calm yet reassuring tone “ Of course.” “ How did you learn to do makeup?” You smiled at her question as memories started to fill your head. Taking a breath you explained “ I used to watch my mom. My mother she was, beautiful. With or without make up she had the ability it make a transport ship stop in its tracks. She had these two friends and sometimes they would all put their makeup on together before they would go out. They had this setup where they would put all their mirrors, like this one, all together in a row in front of this huge window we had at my family’s house. And from there I would watch them and think ‘ I can not wait until I am old enough to play with this stuff.’ “ As you finished your story you told Omega to open her eyes and instructed her on the next step. “ It’s all coming together now! This next part is a little scary, but I promise I will not poke you in the eye. I’m going to take this mascara wand and gently put this on your eyelashes.” Omega nodded an okay, then you explained “ Okay, I’m going to need to open your eyes really really wide and look right here.”

You pointed right at where your neck meets your collar bone and quickly put on the mascara. You remember how uncomfortable you were the first time you had it put on for you. Omega seemed a little more relieved after you put it on as well. She then blinked and fluttered her eyes as they adjusted to the new sensation. She then looked back up to you with your soft smile still adorned on your face and asked “ Do you think I’m pretty?” A little taken back you then confidently answered “ Yes Omega, you are very pretty. You have these big, round, and bright eyes, a cute nose...” you said giving her a light tap on her nose to emphasize your point. That caused her to scrunch it up and let out a little laugh. “ And you have this amazing smile.”

Omega had a small blush creep on to her face as you complimented her. You can’t imagine her life back on Kamino, even though she probably treated differently from the rest, you knew that her life, her beginning of her childhood must have been hard. Yet she almost always seemed happy. “ Alright here’s where the hard decision comes in, for your lips do you want a solid color or something shiny.” You said holding a lipstick and a lipgloss in each hand. “ Definitely the shiny one.” She said pointing to the one in your right hand.

“ Excellent choice! Now I’m going to ask you to make a really weird faces. Kinda make your lips go like this.” Omega then mimicked the pursing of your lips making sure she was doing it right. You always thought it was cute when she would try to do the same actions as you all did in the ship, her favorite person to mimic was Hunter, but you couldn’t blame her. “ Alright, now we blot. We want to make sure that our lipstick or lipgloss doesn’t stick or wear off to easily.” Grabbing a tissue of the vanity and showing her what you wanted her to do. Making you lips form a line and gently putting them together, but not actually putting the tissue in your mouth.

Once Omega finished you stood up and asked “ Are you ready to take a look?” She nodded her head with excitement and you spun the chair around to have her face the mirror. You saw her eyes widen and get bigger, if that was even possible, as they filled with wonder. A small whisper of her exclaiming “ woah” left her as she looked at the makeup you did. A bit of pride and affection towards the girl swelled in your chest as the girl copied the head tilts you did earlier as you finished your own makeup. “ Beautiful.”

She smiled as she continued to admire your work “ Thank you!” She exclaimed with a beaming smile looking up at you. “ You are very welcome, but you have to remember it is never the makeup that makes you look pretty, it’s how you treat others and what is on the inside that makes you beautiful.” When you finished that statement Omega turned the chair around and gave you a hug. With tears pricking your eyes you hugged her back. You felt bad for everyone that lived on Kamino, you remember the first time you hugged the others and they were a little taken back and confused by the gesture. Omega however was different due to her young age and hugged you quite often. You wished her the best in the galaxy and wanted to protect her and your boys, your family from any danger.

The hugged lasted a while but you didn’t care, what the two of you didn’t know was that someone was watching you from the doorway. His heart swelled at the interaction between the two of you. He wasn’t there long, he had only been standing there a few minuets. Everyone seemed to have changed a little when Omega came on to the team, and while you didn’t change as much as the others your personality amplified. The way you are able to take care of them became more noticeable, you just had this amazing way with all of them and your ability to care so much.

Everything you did was amazing, making sure they we’re rested, making sure that they had eaten, that they didn’t overwork themselves, reassuring them when they had doubts, and giving hope. He started feeling different about you after the first few months of you being with them. Back then he didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling, but now he knew. He had fallen in love with you. Seeing you with Omega assured him that you would always be there with his family and that you wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt them. He wanted a life with you, his brothers, and Omega. No one will ever take that dream away from him, ever.

[flickeringart]

Neptune aspecting Mercury and Venus

(Continuation of my post “Neptune aspecting the Sun and Moon”)

Mercury aspecting Neptune

Mercury is representative of deductive reasoning, of communication and learning, of exchange of information and social interaction. Mercury is essentially representative of the mental faculties, the ability to draw conclusions based on the gathering of information. Mercury represents the intellect, the most commonly applied tool for understanding and navigating the world around the self. It’s the tool that makes connections, that defines and discriminates. The intellect is a divisive mechanism that breaks things down and distinguishes every little part to discover its function and purpose within the whole.

Mercury aspecting Neptune often lends itself to a very creative mind and an ability to articulate and communicate nuances. It also seems to lend itself to a vivid imagination – an ability to paint a picture with words or portray an archetypal energy through mimicry and acting. The conjunction is the most intense of the aspects and the benefits as well as the debilitations are felt more acutely. While Mercury-Neptune has the ability to “enchant” with words and easily navigate the world of imagery and fairytales, the real world void of magic can be less easy to navigate. Taylor Swift has the conjunction and she’s a great example of someone who is a storyteller through songwriting. She essentially takes the interactions of her everyday life and turns it into magic – something that is universal and appeals to people world wide. Music has the ability to glamorize the most dull and ordinary and elevate it to new heights. There’s a might to music and it speaks to people on the feeling level. Music, movies and theater for that matter have the goal to affect people, to mirror their inner life and strike a note on some level of the psyche. Mercury-Neptune comes with the risk of being easily affected by words and a tendency to read into things more than necessary. Sometimes the meaning of another person’s words can be distorted and made to fit the person’s own preferred narrative. This is a huge problem, especially for the conjunction - sometimes words that actually carry weight can be made out to mean anything. Furthermore, in overlooking the concrete – that which is spelled out loud and clear, there door is wide open to make mistakes and blunders when tending to details, and in real life this can have dire consequences. Reading too much into things or not reading enough into things seems to be the problem. Neptune refines whatever planet it touches and this can make for a real ability to work with subtleties, but the more subtle something is, the less dense and concrete it is. The more sensitive the instrument, the more susceptible it is to suggestion and manipulation. Fantasy and imagination is inextricably merged with the intellect with this aspect.

The trine and the sextile aspects from Neptune to Mercury similarly lends themselves to a feeling for subtlety when communicating and thinking. The trine is more of a natural modus operandi while the sextile is more of a skill that can be used and activated through conscious cooperation. Mercury-Neptune can potentially cause a propensity for lying, not because of a need for a control but because of a natural tendency to distort information. This is as true for the conjunction as the trine, while the sextile might take some deliberation. The tendency to convey information in the most romanticized and creative fashion might border on lying because it leaves people with no grasp of the cold and hard facts. Mercury-Neptune is not good with the plain, cut and dry message transferring – these people thinks in images and imbue everything they convey with a touch of story-telling.

The square from Neptune to Mercury, seems to make the native very serious in creative pursuits. There’s effort and strain that is required because of conflict felt between the intellect and the vault of dreams and fantasy. Usually, the native displays criticism of their work and is skeptically inclined toward their own influence or the value of their own artistic pursuits. Amy Winehouse had the square in her chart and she was quite hard on herself although the public loved her. Even in people who aren’t pursuing an artistic path, the Mercury –Neptune square will cause the person to undervalue any talents and dreams that they have, yet be pressed to develop and fulfill them. David Bowie is also a great example of this type of person – on the one hand there’s nebulousness and chaotic creativity, on the one hand there’s analyzing and mental discernment that is unforgiving. Donald Trump also has the square, quite the business man, yet he’s not someone who is able to stick to the purely factual– he manufactures his own story, his own narrative that people, to a large extent, wants to buy. He speaks to the masses and moves them emotionally, some say he’s profoundly stupid, some says his wits are underestimated. This is typical of the square, there’s tension between the two planets and one cannot take credit for both ends. Either one sacrifices Mercury and looks mad and deranged, or one sacrifices Neptune and appears overly critical and rational – even cold and unfeeling.

The opposition aspect is in turn linked to extremism – the native must try to balance intellectual discernment with emotional receptivity. Too much of one thing will be to the detriment of the other. While the square produces conflict and tension, the opposition can give the ability to abandon one planet in favor of the other. Yoko Ono has this aspect and she has obviously been a big advocate of peace and love (Neptune), sometimes to the detriment of rhyme and reason. She has suggested that “direct communication” is the only way to true communication, but of course, this is only possible in the womb, if even then. The great gift of the opposition is the ability to abandon reason, to experience everything and hold onto nothing, to not label and impose judgment. However, it’s not difficult to see the consequences for this sacrifice.

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Venus aspecting Neptune

Venus is representative of love and beauty, of femininity and sociability. The planet is linked to that which is of value, worthy of display and admiration. It also has something to do with preferences, style and talent. Venus is the one attracting Mars, that instigates desire, that draws him in. That which instigates our desire is powerful because it dictates action. Venus has a lot to do with money because it’s a marker and a measure of value – and people want to have as much as possible of it in order to be comfortable and socially desirable. Venus also has to do with partnership and marriage, and in order to catch someone’s eye, one has to be beautiful and appealing.

Neptune conjunct Venus is truly the height of love. While Venus is more personal and more social in nature, Neptune is the collective urge for redemption, the pull to touch something sacred. Neptune in us wants it all, the magic of enchantment that belongs to fairytales. Ordinary human love, which is more about feeling esteemed within a social context and desired for specific qualities, is not cutting it. With these planets conjunct, the person craves the total submerging with the one and only beloved in one’s heart and in other people’s hearts. Neptunian love is based on the mutual longing for something eternally blissful, the garden of Eden, the ultimate escape. This longing exist in all human beings to a larger or lesser extent, but it certainly unifies us and in some ways confirm our basic vulnerability and need for redemption. When Neptune and Venus are conjunct it would seem as if the person is very compassionate and understanding of people’s hearts. No doubt one can be very soothing and able to see the beloved one in all people one meets, which can be wonderful but also overwhelming and exhausting. The person is certainly capable of being accepting of all people, even to the point of allowing things that shouldn’t be allowed. Disillusionment can dawn brutally on these types since they have strong investment in the pure and untainted love that can only be kept alive in fantasy. These planets aspecting each other is a setup for being in love with love. Love for these types might not be about a specific person, they might seek out someone for their ability to mirror them. In other words, it would be difficult to love a person for their individuality because one would seek out someone with enough receptivity and mutability in order to find something of oneself in the other. Of course, this seems to be the nature of love despite Venus aspecting Neptune or not. We only ever fall in love with ourselves, although we’re unconscious of the fact. The only reason we’re ever drawn to someone is because we see something of ourselves in them. For people with Venus-Neptune contacts this phenomenon is taken to new heights. Liking and being fond of something yet knowing that that person or thing is different from oneself is entirely different from feeling a sense of union and yearning that is the oceanic deity calling a person home. With Neptune, the love object is the answer to all prayers and the remedy for all one’s troubles and pains. This is of course never quite true and the disappointment that follows upon the clearing of the intoxicating mist can be very scary and deeply depressing. Personal love, marriage and commitment might be idealized to the point of absurdity.

The trine and the sextile aspects are less intense compared to the conjunction, but they similarly denote a refined taste and a appreciation of artistry and music – anything that touches people’s souls inexplicably and profoundly. Typically, all Venus-Neptune aspects indicate a need to be loved unconditionally and to love unconditionally. Both of these harmonious aspects denote a very compassionate nature and a tendency to idealize and glamourize love. One is naturally very generous with one’s outpouring of affection, even when one’s own heart is broken. The trine indicates that the person is innately and naturally mirroring other people’s beauty. Escapism and distortion of reality is one’s way of being, it is not an acquired skill but rather something that’s a given. It’s probably easy to over-indulge in pleasure in order to escape the dreary everyday existence. In fact, when things get too hard, this is exactly what this type is likely to do. The sextile is more of a skill that is available for use. In other words, one is able to stimulate a bit of Neptune’s magic and universality in one’s style of expressing love – adding a bit of glamour, unattainability and fantasy in the mix. Conscious cooperation is required though, it’s not as if the sextile is going to cause over-indulgence as soon as one lets go of inhibitions.

The square aspect typically brings doubt and friction, when Neptune and Venus are involved, the conflict is between one’s personal value(s) and the recognition of oneness. Usually, the ugly side of Neptune comes out more readily. One wants to attain something special and magical but since one is not attuned enough or certain of one’s own preferences and values neither planet gets fulfilled or satisfied. Kim Kardashian has this square and she is never quite satisfied with her appearance (Venus), which is why she spends to much time perfecting it. She wants so badly to embody the ideal (Neptune) yet can’t seem to close the gap between her own personal look and the otherworldly refinement that Neptune represents. What ends up happening is that she becomes too artificial, some would even call her grotesque – she simply can’t find peace with imperfection – everything has to be sweet and pretty to the point that the coin flips and everything turns ugly. Although Neptune is usually associated with spirituality and the beauty of the divine, it is also associated with dissolution and disintegration – which often manifests as madness. Kim Kardashian has many times been rude or downright aggressive because of her vanity and venusian pride. Madonna also has this square and she certainly falls in the category of people who care enormously about their appearance, being attractive and young even up until old age. Venus is the goddess of youth and beauty and Neptune holds the promise of redemption through the planet(s) that it aspects. It’s easy to see how this square relationship between the planets could run amok. If youth is the gate to heaven, one would be willing to go very far in order to not let the imperfections stop heaven from becoming a reality. When it comes to love and relationships there’s inevitability of disappointment and uncertainty – one tends to look for the perfect partner yet no one can be it all in terms of fulfilling the dream because the standards are set too high. On the flip side, the standards can also be too low, because of the Neptunian tendency is to either be unrealistically idealistic or stubbornly accepting and passive in destructive situations.

The opposition aspect doesn’t typically bring out the obsession with perfect love and beauty. It makes the individual aware that love, in it’s selfish guise of wanting another person or object tied to the self in some way because of good looks and style, is antithetical to universal love. In a sense, personal love must be sacrificed for communion with the source of life, that which many people call God – or, God must be sacrificed for ordinary human seduction, value and pleasure.  These are the people who are only looking to touch the source of life through love and union, nothing more. They’re not looking to simple hedonistic pleasures or superficial adornments. If they do, they’re doing it at the detriment of true compassion and communion with all of life. George Harrison had this opposition in his chart and so had Bob Marley. Both were musicians, both used drugs and both had a deep urge for spirituality. Both emphasized the importance of the connection with God and pointed out the triviality of worldly matters. Venus, is to an extent, quite earthy and materialistic. She cares about being nice, looking nice and behaving in a way that causes others to admire her. It seems like Harrison lost his first marriage because of incessant drug use and infidelities. Neptune is boundless and is everywhere and anywhere – there was no way Venus, ruling marriage and social contracts, could conquer the pull of the promise of ecstatic union. With the opposition, either special partnership/marriage or God is the pursuit, neither can exists in conjunction with the other.  

[bratz-kitten]

attack on titan characters - birth chart analysis 🌙

Here is my take on the big 6 of Levi, Eren, Armin and Mikasa of attack on titan/shingeki no kyojin! I kept their sun signs since we know the day and month of their birthday and since I think they’re absolutely perfect. If you want me to do my take on the others (like Jean, Historia, Erwin, Hanji, Connie, Sasha, Reiner, etc) please let me know! (spoiler warning!)

Levi Ackerman

sun in capricorn - levi mf ackerman is fuelled by three things and three things only: LOYALTY, a strong moral code and power. he is seen by most people as a heartless, unemotional bastard but is canonically the most emotional character - he shows love through very indirect ways and he’s the peak of capricorn in the sense that he represses his emotions – he smiled literally ONE time in four seasons, and didn’t once shed a tear. he’s very hard to read. has a lot of respect for his superiors and follows the orders of only those he’s loyal to. he’s driven by his moral codes in the sense that the protection of humanity is his prime motive for fighting titans. like a true capricorn, is the master of his field of work and cares the most about being a survey corp member. please protect this tragic baby. 

virgo rising - two words: CLEAN FREAK. this man has a strong need to be presentable at all times and hates getting blood on his hands for the single fact that he needs himself and his environment to be clean. his obsession with being clean is very much due to his childhood trauma and how he lived in in poor conditions in the underground. he has many quirks that correlate with this: the way he holds his cup, the carvat he uses bc of his mother, and the way he always cuts his own hair because that’s the way his mother used to do it.  intimidating and demands respect. DRY HUMOUR. 

moon in scorpio - i think he has many similarities with mikasa, especially in the moon and venus. introverted and hates people but will go to the ends of the earth to protect the ones he loves and respects. represses emotions and internalizes his hatred until he has a mental breakdown - which happens in the form of extreme violence. VERY sensitive and emotional even if he doesn’t show it. he’s very intuitive and often acts based on gut; he’s secretive and vindictive. very wise and great at giving advice. doesn’t let himself get manipulated and uses shitty situations to his advantage (like with the reeves company). trust is the most important thing to him.

mercury in aquarius - levi is extremely logical, and hates when others involve their feelings in the making of decisions. his decisions are always backed up by strong arguments and others often see him as cold and detached. i saw someone  mention something extremely interesting about aquarius mercury’s/people with their mercuries in the 11th house: despite not being very sociable, others are drawn to them for friendships – and often they’re the introverts who get “adopted” by extroverts. this is 100% levi’s case, hanji and erwin practically adopted him. being very vulgar with his words and having a distinctive sense of humour, he’s very humanitarian and is actually really talkative but only when he’s very comfortable around someone. blunt, always tells it like it is – like when he tells eren he can’t know what the right choice really is and he needs to choose it himself. teases and insults his friends as a form of affection.

mars in scorpio - levi’s a fighter, a survivor. he knows what it’s like to come from nothing and have to build himself up. very confrontational. reclaims his power by exerting intimidation and mastering violence. others fear doing as much as make a joke at his expense. understands other’s motivations and characters very easily. he’s very intuitive. very serious due to his need for having an intense and demanding presence, for being respected and valued. he’s the one who everyone sighs of relief when things go to shit and he appears because you know he’s the strongest and most dependable person.

venus in capricorn - good luck getting this motherfucker to open up. his trust is very hard to gain but is necessary for working with him – he places his full trust in his comrades and demands the same from them. very work-oriented and takes relationships very serious; it’s really telling that he cares little for romance because capricorn venuses are the ones to date to marry, and will only devote themselves to someone once they believe they’ve met the one. they either want a more powerful and mature partner or they exude that energy (levi is the latter). slightly parental – we see this in the way that levi is pretty much the dad figure. it’s called squad levi for a reason, after all. very responsible. takes care of loved ones and often uses tough love as a form of discipline.

Eren Jaeger - im not even kidding with this one, he has extreme aries energy

sun in aries - eren feels the need to be very independent and he hates whenever he has to depend on mikasa and others, wanting to be strong enough to reverse the roles. he’s very self-confident, bold and direct. very impulsive, he’s quick to anger but is also very quick to forget - especially seen with his arguments with jean, fighting him is basically a love language at this point. aries suns are very fast thinkers and their strong energy may come off as intimidating. they have great intentions but that often becomes muddled with their impulsivity and the fact that they don’t think ideas through. eren is unabashedly himself and fights relentlessly for what he wants. his aries energy also makes him extremely motivated! he believes in the impossible and will make it happen no matter what.

aries rising – aries risings are the trailblazers. they ooze intensity. eren has very much a baby face and, due to his impulsivity and childish charm, people tend to baby him a lot – in the sense that he’s this kid surrounded by adults who needs supervision at all times or he’ll get into deep shit. aries risings are also marked by their extreme need for action, they’re the ones to do now and apologize later instead of asking for permission to do something in the first place. he is guided by his passion and is a natural leader who inspires everyone to fight alongside him. aries risings have a lot of energy which they need to express in a physical way, making them be prone to be very athletic and lead very active lives. he’s also extremely competitive and is driven by the force of becoming stronger than mikasa, and often feels angry when he realizes how stronger than him other people can be. at the same time, this pressure to be better is put solely on himself. he’s a dumbass with a good-heart and pure intentions.

moon in sagittarius – all this motherfucker talks about is freedom and seeing the world past the walls. he craves adventure and is extremely optimistic. but even if a sagittarius moon needs their freedom, they are still absolutely ride-or-dies and once they’ve commited to something, NOTHING or NO ONE can stop their determination. these are also the people to try their best to always appear cheerful and full of determination to hide their sad façade – like when he was nearly vomiting when talking about the titans to the other recruits when they began the training in the military but still forced himself to say that the titans aren’t scary at all and that they aren’t a big deal; he naturally inspires others and fills them with courage. but the way they put on this strong and brave façade leads to a strong emotional turmoil, violent urges and a sudden hostility to others. they are filled with surpressed anger that can lead them through very destructive paths – and the happy-go-lucky child might just lose her hope. we see this in eren in the most heartbreaking way.

mercury in aries – LOUD!!! eren speaks what’s on his mind with NO hesitation whatsover. he’s very quick to defend his friends and points of view, and speaks openly about his passions and dreams. he’s very assertive and tenacious. short attention span and not afraid to give a different opinion from someone else’s. very passionate about what he argues about. very expressive and when an aries mercury disagrees with you, you’ll know it immediately by their facial expression. confident and thrives on inspiring others. remember him being mad when it was discovered the possibility of all titans being humans because now he didn’t know who the enemy is and he NEEDS to hate someone and blame them in order to keep going? ARIES MERCURY ENERGY!!

mars in aries - people look to mars in aries to lead them. they’re full of energy and dynamic, and very athletic - eren exceeds at hand-to-hand combat and, in the other subjects where he’s not so good, his determination makes him push forward and become better. VERY hot-headed and confrontational, which is both the source of all their problems and their strength - they are not afraid of going after what they want and are willing to go through any obstacle to do so, and they’re also not afraid of upsetting other people in order to do so. eren is courageous, loves to take initiative and is very enthusiastic - something that is very contageous. competitive and hates compromise, he likes getting his own way. aries mars are also very individualistic and can have a huge ego.

venus in pisces - i know this is going to confuse a lot of people - like, how does he have so much aries energy, how is he so intense yet has one of the softest venus placements? i deeply believe he’s a pisces venus, and here’s why. his friends are EVERYTHING to him. pisces venus’ love very deeply and are very dependent on their loved ones, and eren is extremely protective of his loved ones and is willing to do anything to protect them. pisces venus’ are very vengeful, too, something that people seem to brush off about them - they might not do anything when you mess with them but as soon as you mess with their friends it’s game over. i also get a lot of “there was no other way, the word had to be fixed” vibes from this placement? like, this placement gives me the energy of someone willing to commit awful crimes under the excuse of it being for the greater good, which is something he dramatically experiences as he grows older and witnesses the cruelty of the world.

Armin Arlert

sun in scorpio - armin very resourceful!! he easily adapts to the circunstances he’s in and works his way around it. very intelligent and with great memory. extremely manipulative, cunning and perceptive. scorpios are known for their capability to be great investigators due to their natural curiosity, and armin has this deep need to see the world outside of the walls and he studies all there is to know about it with great passion. determined to succeed. 

cancer rising - armin just wants to achieve his dream and it’s so soft. cancer risings are very receptive of other’s emotions and incredibly sensitive, but it’s difficult for them to open up to others. his appearance is very soft and delicate. loves to help others and has a naturally warm presence that makes others feel comfortable in his presence. give off a very grounded and stable energy, but this is often because they try to hide their most intense emotions and don’t know how to deal with them/don’t want to bother others by opening up about it. 

moon in pisces - one word: EMPATHY!!! very compassionate. tendency to become a martyr and be very self-sacrificial. VERY imaginative, he is the strategist, after all. can feel others emotions and read them very easily. avoids confrontation but feels a strong need to take the weight off of others’ shoulders and to solve all their problems. very loving and giving, in tune with his emotions and emotionally intelligent. on the other side, this caring side of him can make him see other people through rose-colored glasses, and he is prone to believing in the best in people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. but when they’ve proven their true nature to him, he’ll see them for what they are and will no longer defend them, even if still feeling remorse. notice how he’s always like “this had to be done, we had no other choice” to justify his actions.

mercury in scorpio - bro armin’s eyes are so intense. when he gets on his manipulative bullshit it’s IMPOSSIBLE to look away from his gaze. he practically communicates through the eyes. armin is very sharp and his innocent appearance has everyone still thinking of him as a sweet angel as if he isn’t a whole war criminal. he easily psychoanalizes others to know what they want and uses it to his advantage, like how he used berthold’s love for annie to manipulate him to let eren go after him and reiner kidnapped him. scorpio mercuries be knowing shit, they be knowing everyone’s secrets and others usually confide in them as if they’re their therapists. 

mars in pisces - mars in pisces makes a person avoid physical confrontation at all costs. notice how armin’s first response to everyone wanting to kill reiner and bertold/the marleyans was “please let’s just talk about this first”? he hates violence and deems it not worthy most times. he is very physically weak and aware of his limitations, unlike eren and levi, whose first instinct is to use violence in order to get what they want. no, armin has developed a much more subtle and effective way to get what he wants without using violence: emotional manipulation. he is the KING of appearing innocent and naïve and having people feel bad for him and want to baby him and protect him, and due to his extremely intuitive nature, he knows EXACTLY what to say to someone to get under their skin. he twists his words and emotions to get what he needs out of people and it’s both incredible and dangerous. also, very self-sacrifical and his goals are based on his emotions.

venus in cancer - he loves so much and it’s so beautiful and heartbreaking. he gives everything to the ones he loves and thrives off of being helpful and keeping everyone safe. reads a lot into the behaviour of the people he loves. very emotionally intelligent, wants stability and to maintain peace and may bend over backwords to achieve that. needs to feel understood and has a soft spot for troubled people, those who are more demanding and assertive (eren and mikasa), people he can take care of and who can take care of him in return. very affectionate and communicative. warm presence, you can pretty much feel the love radiating out of him. 

Mikasa Ackerman 

sun in aquarius - if you get past the emotional walls of an aquarius that has them appearing detached and distant because they’d rather use intelligence than seem emotional, you’ll be met with an incredibly soft, loving and caring person. an aquarius strength is their ability to be very unique, individualistic and humanitarian individuals - they truly march to the beat of their own drum. mikasa possesses a great deal of determination and isn’t afraid of being rebellious, especially when her loved ones are in danger. 

capricorn rising - people with capricorn rising had to learn to be very independent from a very young age. mikasa is very intimidating but she has a very doll-like beauty, common to many capricorn risings. these people have had to deal with a lot ever since childhood, but they are fighters and their determination has them being able to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against them. capricorn risings tend to be serious and disciplined, and with a melancholic aura to them – which mikasa perfectly embodies. but the fact that these people have cancer in their descendant makes them strongly emotionally attached to their loved ones.

aquarius moon - even under the most stressful and dangerous situations, mikasa always remains in control of her emotions. she thrives in those situations, it’s the adrenaline of the moment that has her being so good at controlling her emotions until it’s safe to be anything but racional again. aquarius moons are feel very misunderstood and tend to racionalize their emotions a lot. however, it’s only due to their fear of vulnerability that they build this emotional walls, because they experience very intense emotions. i always think about that survey corp member saying “what did you have to go through for you to be like this?” when she was perfectly stable in a life-or-death situation. 

mercury in capricorn - mikasa is incredibly action-oriented and she speaks in a structured but confident way. although she’s on the quieter side and is reserved, she’s able to inspire everyone when all hope seems lost, and she’s taken up eren’s words of “if we don’t fight, we can’t win” and uses it constantly in order to keep going. she’s very hard to read due to her usually expressionless face, giving her a mysterious aura. she’s very ambitious, persuasive and determined. 

mars in capricorn - when people say that mars in capricorn people are the scariest when they’re angry, they’re not wrong. they act so calm and collected until suddenly they’re fixing you with a death glare and you’re rethinking all your life choices up until this point. mikasa might be extremely rational and calm, but as soon as someone threatens the ones she loves, she’ll stop at nothing to eliminate the threat. it’s like she fears nothing but ever being unable not to save them. she’s very responsible and reliable, with a lot of physical strength and stamina. very PROTECTIVE, grounded and GIVING 

venus in virgo - this is one of the things that makes mikasa so similar to levi, the way they love. this bitch is LOYAL to her very core. she knows very well where her loyalties are - eren and armin - and is ready to kill all her close friends and superiors in order to protect them. she threatened to kill historia if she got in the way of getting eren back home safely, jumped levi on sight when he wanted to save erwin instead of armin, and got pissed at connie for doubting eren’s intentions after the whole marleyan ordeal. acts of service are very much her love language - she constantly picks up eren’s and armin’s stuff and carries it herself or orders them to rest while she works. it’s very hard to gain her trust and loyalty but once you do it’s forever, she’s very selective about the people she cares for. she’s possessive, too - giving historia the coldest death glare in the world when she saw her with eren. i’ve also noticed that venus in virgo are very difficult to declare their emotions!! they’ll just wait for the person to notice their indirect acts of affection. very attentive to the needs and details of loved ones.  

[kenkamishiro]

Lost in Translation: Choujin X chapter 1

Fun fact, I was planning to do fan translations for Choujin X with a scan group until it could get a simulpub release, though I didn’t expect it to get one from the very first chapter lol. I’m happy though since it means everyone can read it right away and it doesn’t mess up my schedule.

So instead I’ll be making comparison notes between the EN and JP text to supplement the official translation. I’m not doing this because the official TL is bad (I actually think it’s pretty solid and I hope it will maintain this quality) but because it’s inevitable for something to be lost in translation, and it’s nice to have that additional context for theory crafting and whatnot.

If you want to read it on Twitter instead, the original thread is here, but this is the proofread and way more detailed version 😄

This translation isn’t wrong, but there’s an emphasis on それ (which is TLed as ‘it’) that connotes a stronger, “other, that thing” feeling that isn’t present here. The general idea behind this sentence is: That [becoming a Choujin] resembles more of a disease [than a transformation].

Ely talks like a tomboy, she uses rougher speech patterns and the pronoun オラ (ora), a derivative of the masculine 'ore'. But it's a bit old-fashioned (eg. すまなんだ) which makes sense considering her upbringing with her grandfather on a farm. Hence her country bumpkin speech pattern in English.

Not sure if I should use Ellie or Ely? Ellie makes more sense based on the kana, but Ishida explicitly called her Ely so I might stick with Ely for now... (also istg that blond guy with the huge chin is a reference, I've seen him somewhere)

Tokio, I know your teacher is annoying, but it's rude to call her that lol. This is basically the oppai equivalent of paisen (senpai backwards, it’s slangier). Similar thing actually happened with Ely describing her dream hubby as Goldilocks instead of blond; ‘kinpatsu’ (blond hair) was inverted to become ‘patsukin’, hence the translation as Goldilocks.

Kurohara Tokio (黒原トキオ) and Higashi Azuma (東アヅマ). Kurohara is a common surname, means 'black fields'. Tokio is in katakana, so it’s hard to say what kanji it could be. 'Toki' could be 時 (time) or 外喜 (outside + delight). The 'o' can be the common male name suffix 男 (boy).

But when I think of Tokio, I think of TK's song called 'tokio'. You can read the translated lyrics here. If these lyrics end up being relevant to Tokio's character development I will eat my shoe lol.

Higashi means 'east'. Azuma (which can also be romanized as Aduma, it’s a softer ‘zu’ sound which is why Tokio called Azuma ‘Aju’ earlier in the chapter before correcting himself) is an archaic form of ‘east’. So...this guy is literally East East. The Choujin X equivalent of Moon Moon 😂

Someone also informed me that Higashi Azuma is a station in Tokyo, though the kana are slightly different (アヅマ／あづま vs. あずま). They effectively sound the same though nowadays, if I have to be honest. It’s like comparing the difference between 애 and 에 in Korean.

Tbh this is minor, but worth mentioning just cause it changes the meaning a bit. Tokio is saying something more like, “Why are we even talking about this [the roly-polies] again?”

I think I heard people talking about how the official TL doesn’t match the original text, but personally I really like how this was translated! Sis is using the expression  「爪の垢を煎じて飲む」, which literally means “boiling the dirt under someone’s fingernails and drinking it”. By taking the dirt/grime under the fingernails of someone that you admire, and boiling it and drinking it like a tea, you can become more like them.

But because idioms don’t tend to directly translate well between languages, translators often have to adapt it so that the meaning still remains the same. In English the closest idiom we have to this is “rubbing off on someone.” The “holding hands” bit was added to replace the physical aspect of “taking the dirt from someone’s fingernails” and also contribute to Sis’s sassy and very informal way of speaking.

So Sis is saying in JP (ignoring her personal speech style for now):

You should take the dirt from under [Azuma's] fingernails and boil it so you can be more like him.

And now in ENG it becomes:

You guys should hold hands or something, then maybe he’ll rub off on you.

It now sounds natural in English, still carries the same meaning as the original text, and also suits the character’s speech pattern.

Moving on, in that same panel the literal TL of Tokio’s dialogue is, “Policeman Azuma got dispatched again today,” emphasizing Azuma’s heroic deeds along with his family connections to the police. Another thing I want to note is that this is the second time Azuma has been called 偉い (erai) so far - noble, and now great guy. I’ll just dump the general English definition of 偉い from Jisho here so you get the general idea:

Great; excellent; admirable; remarkable; distinguished; important; celebrated; famous; eminent

But you can tell from how people describe Azuma as 偉い that others look up to him, think he’s a great person and Mr. Perfect. Always being placed on a pedestal by others. (What are the odds this will affect his mentality after the Choujin serum?)

The meaning is still pretty much the same, but I’ll offer a slightly different perspective. Sis mentions that if she were Tokio, she’d burst from the [Azuma] complex. (Clearly Tokio and Azuma's relationship is gonna crack at some point)

Tokio mentions an idiom about hawks (taka) before recalling his childhood memory about vultures. Vultures are called 'hagewashi', but in the chapter it mentions they can also be called 'hagetaka' (buzzard/condor, literally bald hawk).

The kids call him names like "Hagetaka Tokio" and "Hageo". But Hagetaka Tokio only really works in JP cause Hagetaka kinda mimics his last name (Buzzard Tokio doesn't give the same vibe). Same with Hageo. Hage-o = Bald-o = Baldy.

I also think Buzzard was chosen over another name for a vulture like Condor because Buzzard can pass off as an insult.

I would have translated this as, “I wanted to be a lion too...” but this is just personal preference.

A continuation of the 「爪の垢を煎じて飲む」 expression Sis used earlier. Without the adapted idiom the exchange goes something like this:

Tokio: My sister said I should bring home the dirt from under your nails. Can I have some?

Azuma: ...huh? What for, that’s scary. No way.

Tokio: I have to boil it and drink it, apparently.

Azuma: Don’t even think about boiling or drinking it.

But since the 「爪の垢を煎じて飲む」 expression was modified to make it sound natural in English, it means this conversation has to be modified too.

JP: My sister said I should bring home the dirt from under your nails. Can I have some?

EN: My sister says we should hold hands...so I can be more like you. What do you think?

The “dirt from under your nails” part got adapted to “holding hands”, hence how the 1st line from Tokio becomes, “My sister says we should hold hands...so I can be more like you.” “Can I have some?” makes no sense now in this context now, so it was changed to “What do you think?” as a question to Azuma to keep the similar conversation flow going.

JP: ...huh? What for, that’s scary. No way.

EN: Huh? What’re you talking about? No thanks.

Azuma’s next line is similar enough to the JP text except for the removal of “scary”. I think the reason it was most likely removed is because leaving it as it is could be constituted as homophobic (2 boys holding hands, absolutely nothing scary about it as bible thumpers would like people to believe).

JP: I have to boil it and drink it, apparently.

EN: She said to hold hands so you’ll rub off on me.

Tokio’s response to that is explaining what he meant by his proposal. In the original text he lays out the latter half of the idiom (he doesn’t even realize it’s an expression, poor boy), and in English he does something similar by going into why his sister said they should hold hands (so Azuma can rub off on Tokio).

JP: Don’t even think about boiling or drinking it.

EN: C’mon. That’s not how things work.

Azuma’s then rebuts Tokio’s proposal as ridiculous. In the original text he drops a typical straight man response (don’t do *insert whatever ridiculous thing the idiot suggested*). But since Tokio’s proposal in English isn’t as preposterous, his rebuttal is toned down in response by telling him not to take it literally.

Ultimately, even though a lot of this dialogue was changed, I still think it was successful in maintaining the original’s intent. Tokio takes his sister’s sarcastic suggestion literally and brings it up to Azuma, who dismisses it as silly. It would be nice if we could keep the expression as it was in Japanese, but in instances like this where it’s played off of in multiple lines, that’s easier said than done.

軟体 isn’t an actual word, it’s made up of the kanji soft + body. So kinda like Elastigirl, but Flexi was chosen instead. It doesn’t sound 100% right, but I don’t think I could come up with anything better.

Replacing the しい in 楽しい with the C plus that elongated pronunciation makes Johnny sound even more like a stereotypical Yankee, which is why he sounds like that in English 😂

Random but I found it interesting how Azuma called Johnny a youkai (妖怪) instead of something like bakemono (化け物) or obake (お化け) since they’re shapeshifting monsters.

Tokio is worried that if he doesn't do something right now, he's going to lose his friendship with Azuma. The sentence is fine as it is though.

Azuma’s line can also be worded as, "No hard feelings, okay?"

Bestial = 獣化 (juuka) = beast+change = beast transformation

That’s it from me, if you have questions about the TL feel free to send an ask or reply to this post, I promise I’ll check my inbox more often this time 😂

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/24/2021: ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE DARK

During Elvira's 40th Anniversary Very Scary, Very Special, Special on Shudder, the apparently immortal horror heckler (she looks exactly the same as she did when I was a little kid, WT actual F??) does a bit where she pretends to read rude letters about her own movie. One of the messages, from a "Leonard Maltin", complains that there was no character development, and while this is all for laffs, that was really the general complaint about ELVIRA: MISTRESS OF THE DARK. Unfortunately, it's hard to disagree, and this points to a paradox within the character herself. The figure of the horror host forms a sort of bridge between fans and the films we love, but when her routine so favors cheap digs and low blows, is Elvira really with us, or against us?

Somewhere I heard, probably more than twice or thrice, the basic admonishment that nobody tries to make a bad movie. Making a movie at all is a huge challenge, and you can assume that anybody who showed up to work on one was trying as hard as they could. And like, I think that's a pretty good benefit of the doubt to take to any viewing experience. I can't convince myself that this is literally always true, but even if we do take for granted that every movie is made with the best of intentions, that still doesn't cover the toll taken by financial hardship, production hangups, lack of inspiration, inexperience, and just plain old incompetence, among other enemies of art. Luckily, movies that suffer from these ails can still be enormously entertaining at a certain mental remove, as per the great Mystery Science Theater 3000, which was certainly a major contributor to the modern craze for irony that lingers on to this day. The thing to note is that MST3K always had a warm glow of affection around it, at least in the Joel Hodgson years; perhaps this aura of sympathy stems from the creator himself being a prop comic, and his uber-independent production being not that far removed from the never-say-die creative spirit of a grade B or Z genre movie. In any case, while Hodgson's style of sarcastic commentary caught on in a big way, his baseline love of (as he put it) "weird, adorable movies" takes more soul than some viewers have to offer, and it can feel as if most people enjoy watching something "cheezy" because it gives them a chance to spew some sort of repressed rage in the form of nasty, condescending commentary that doesn't rise to the level of comedy, and that doesn't have much purpose for anyone but the spewer.

Where the hell was I going with this?

Oh yeah. I want to know what Elvira's whole deal is supposed to be.

Cassandra Peterson seems like a lovely person. An interesting person, even. Somebody I wouldn't mind being stuck in an elevator with. She's had an eventful life, one that probably required a lot of chutzpah, and any friend of Pee-wee Herman is a (theoretical) friend of mine. But right at the beginning of the movie about her busty, bouffant-sporting hostess character, Elvira herself says something that I found suspect. Well actually, she does it twice, once immediately in the first scene, where she tears into the Roger Corman classic IT CONQUERED THE WORLD on her TV show, a mockup of the real-life KHJ-TV series Elvira's Movie Macabre. Pointing her finger down her throat, she quips that the movie was "about an hour and a half too long," which is way harsher than even Leonard Maltin was in his own measured review. Seconds later, after being groped by the station's sleazy new owner, Elvira quits, ranting to her agent, "As soon as my show opens in Las Vegas, I'll never have to host another one of those crappo horror movies again!"

Hmmm.

So anyway, even though Elvira doesn't have the dough to launch her own Vegas revue, she gets a fresh start when she inherits the fortune of her mysterious Great Aunt Morgana. She travels from Kansas to Massachusetts with dollar signs in her eyes, only to discover that her winnings are a dilapidated mansion, an ornery toy poodle, and an old recipe book—actually a powerful grimoire, which is the envy of Elvira's Uncle Vincent (William Morgan Sheppard), actually an evil warlock and the only other survivor of her magical bloodline. Elvira's journey of self-discovery is fraught with peril, not only from Vincent, but from the even more menacing Morality Club and its president, Chastity Pariah (the incomparable Edie McClurg), who virtually runs the town. Luckily, Elvira has a little help in the form of local teens who are raring to rebel, and a new love interest in the person of THIS guy.

That's right, Daniel Greene, the arm-wrestling cyborg from Sergio Martino's HANDS OF STEEL, which is a much, much stranger movie than either MISTRESS OF THE DARK or IT CONQUERED THE WORLD could ever hope to be.

But I digress. Even though ELVIRA is ostensibly a movie about being true to yourself, it's hard to get a read on what the main character is about. When you first meet her, she makes it pretty clear that she hates her job AND the movies she has to watch for it. Later in the film, when she learns that her suitor operates the local movie theater, she urges him to run a midnight program with the shlocky movies she has been toting around in the trunk of her car. We catch some of her act, in which she joyfully heckles ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES from her signature velvet fainting couch, but that movie is itself an act of heckling, and doesn't tell us much. If you're like me, you kind of want Elvira to champion these movies instead of seeing them as an albatross around her neck; for her ribbing of them to be tempered with reverence. Which it sometimes is, and sometimes isn't. And you kind of want her love of horror to tie in to her essential, indomitable difference from normal people. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem at all impressed by Great Aunt Morgana's gothic digs, or even her own magical origins. She only sees her newfound powers as another way of getting enough money to go to Vegas.

Incidentally, the showgirl thing is autobiographical for the star and co-writer, who started dancing at The Dunes when she was only 17. Peterson is also really from Kansas, like her character in the movie, so you'd think this story was wide open for exploring themes of self-acceptance and the embrace of originality. The fact that Elvira is an orphan isn't even mentioned until half way through the plot, when more is revealed about Morgana, and this just feels like a huge missed opportunity. Elvira might have been wondering all her life why she's so different, and where she came from, as she doesn't seem to fit in anywhere. She might have found validation in the search for fantastical escape that genre fans have in common, which is reflected here in the wild turnout for the midnight movie extravaganza at the local theater. But instead, at the beginning, middle, and end of the journey, Elvira remains exclusively focused on getting the money to go to Vegas. Please don't mistake me for looking down on that ambition! The lady can twirl a mean pair of tassels. But still, I just wanted a little more Elvira in my Elvira.

It shouldn't be, but Elvira's car is really the star of this movie.

I don't mean to sound naïve; obviously Cassandra Peterson really does love these movies, or else she wouldn't be, you know, Elvira. But MISTRESS OF THE DARK should have been a big opportunity to give us a little more than snark and sneers. It should have been an opportunity as big as PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE—after all, it was co-written by the late great John "Jambi" Paragon!—but the character is just not that well exploited. When various reviewers complained that there was not enough character development here, they really meant of anyone, because the cast is just too voluminous for anybody besides Elvira to get much individual screen time. But, I would have been happy with just a deeper dive on Elvira herself. I hear that she's trying to get a new movie made today, which may wind up being animated. She can sign me up for that, as long as she's serving something a little meatier than MISTRESS OF THE DARK.

[jeonggukookies]

too young || five

summary: you learn about jungkook’s past, and jungkook and his daughter aren’t too happy about that

word count: 4,116

genre: parent!au, single dad!jungkook angst

one || two || three || four || five

As long as you could remember, Valentine’s Day was your favorite holiday. You just loved making cute valentine’s cards, colored paper hearts and making little mailboxes to put your candy in. Not only that, but you just loved your parents spoiling each other on that day whether it was doing cute things spontaneously or putting love poems on sticky notes every where around the house.  

Valentine’s Day was just the day you wanted to be in love, but for the most part, you and your short term boyfriends never made it that long, so it was just mainly you working at schools, doing arts and crafts with the kiddos, spreading the love to them. 

Today was different. 

You invited all parents to come and help their child decorate their mailboxes, and you rescheduled any tasks or meetings that day as you wanted to spend the whole day visiting each classroom to see everyone’s progress and give candy out. 

Wanting to spend the most time with Jules, you visited her classroom last. Her classroom was well decorated for the holiday. The color pink and red along with messages and puns about love and hearts were found everywhere. 

Standing under the doorway, a smile appeared on your face once you saw Jules in Jungkook’s lap. She was laughing with her head tilted back as Jungkook traced his hand onto the cardboard mailbox. “Jungkook, why are you putting a hand turkey on our mailbox?!”

You talked to every student and parent in the class before taking a seat next to Jungkook. “I love the mailbox.” 

“Do you want to put your handprint on it?” Jules asked as she put a heart shape lollypop in her mouth and snuck one into your pocket. “Me and Jungkook have more for you later, but don’t tell anyone.” 

You smiled and grabbed a red marker from the table. “I would love to put my hand on the mailbox.”

“So I have some news,” Jungkook said as you pushed the marker lid off. “I have to leave a day early next week.” 

Jungkook was going on a business trip overseas for a week, and during that week, Jules was going to stay with you. At first you didn’t understand why Jungkook was telling you, but once you realized it, you dropped the marker abruptly. “Wait, that means you won’t be able to be there with me when I meet the girls.”

“I’m sorry, but I promise Jin is going to make sure it all runs smoothly,” Jungkook reassured you, picking up the marker off the table. “We can wait till after you come back if you want.”

You shook your head, not wanting to wait any longer to meet them. It was bound to happen whether you liked it or not. “It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” He questioned, raising his eyebrows. 

“I promise.” 

After school, you spent the rest of Valentine’s Day making blanket forts and watching movies with Jungkook and Jules, and you knew that you could never get tired of this. 

___________

“Uncle Jin!” Jules excitedly jumped up and down as Jin bent down and wrapped her arms around her. “I missed you!” 

“It’s not as if I didn’t see you a day ago.” Jin pulled away, smiling. “Your cousin is waiting for you in her room.” 

Jules hurried off to take off her jacket and rushed upstairs. “So you’re first meeting Taehyung’s wife first, then Jimin’s and then mine,” Jin quietly explained as he took your jacket along with Jules to put it on the coat rack. “Tae dropped her off first, so you can warm up to her. Jimin’s on his way to drop off Seo-yeon, and Su-ji is still at work and has to pick up tonight’s dinner.” 

He gestured behind him with his eyes where Tae’s wife, Ji-Ho was. You were surprised by her appearance. She looked like a normal human being when the boys had described her similar to the evil queen from Snow White.

"She doesn’t look scary at all,” you whispered in a hushed voice. “Why did you guys try to scare me?”

“Ji-Ho, this is Y/N, Jungkook’s girlfriend. Ji-Ho came early, and we’re just talking about a book idea she has,” Jin said in his normal tone, ignoring the comment you made. “She wants to write a book about being able to forgive and forget.” 

Sitting next to Jin on his white loveseat, you looked and smiled at Ji-Ho who was on the white sofa across from you two, staring at carpet, not meeting your eyes. “I didn’t know you wrote books. Why do you want to write a book about that?”

“The world is a cruel place where people hold grudges over trivial and dumb things. They say they forgive, but never forget. Teaching others and helping them learn to do that will make it seem like you’re mature and able to have peace with yourself,” she explained, now playing with her hands in her lap. “Why hold grudges when you can move on and not give them the power to think about them?”

“I suppose that you can be happier just living your own life when you focus on yourself and forget and forgive.” Jin shrugged his shoulders. 

“Do you think that people who can’t forgive and forget are unhappy people?” You asked. 

“Excuse me?” Ji-Ho asked, finally looking at you. 

“I think what she meant to say is-” You cut Jin off.

“Personally, I think you only need to forgive someone and come to terms that not everyone or everything is going to work out in your favor. Forgetting it is like running away from your problems. It’s not going to go away just because you ignore or forget the feeling; you just will experience it again.” You shrugged your shoulders as Jin muttered an ‘oh god we’re dead’ under his breath. He was shaking in fear, worried about what you were going to say next and afraid of Ji-Ho’s reaction.

Ji-Ho scoffed. “What do you think about forgiving and forgetting then? You think we shouldn’t forgive and we shouldn’t forget?” 

“No, I’m not saying that, and I’m not saying that you’re wrong either because I don’t think we should hold grudges,” you said slowly. “But maybe you can forgive and accept, but you can’t forget, so you can be able to learn and overcome obstacles like that to be a better version of oneself.  Does that make sense?” 

Ji-Ho scoffed, but this time, she smiled at you and looked at you with interest in her eyes. “What is your name again?” 

“Y/N.” 

“It’s nice to meet you.” She released a laugh, which startled Jin. “I think we’re going to get along perfectly fine.” 

Ji-Ho did open up to you right away, talking about her interests and asking all about you as if she wanted to know every single detail. She was a lot like Taehyung, and you realized they truly were a perfect match for each other. They were both kind, observant and funny without even trying. 

After twenty minutes, Seo-yeon and Su-ji arrived at the same time. Su-ji immediately went into the kitchen with some grocery bags as Seo-yeon took a seat next to Ji-Ho, smiling. 

“Hi, how are you?” She asked, not giving you anytime to think or respond before talking again. “We heard so many great things about you, and I am so happy for Jungkook. It’s about time he finally found someone and that we’re able to meet her.” 

Not knowing what to say, you laughed as your cheeks reddened. You weren’t really good at accepting compliments, but a part of you felt happy, knowing Jungkook was surrounded by people who loved him and wanted what was best for him.

“I got a charcuterie board for all of us,” Su-ji said out of breath, coming out of the kitchen. She placed the large plate on the coffee table in front of everyone and took a seat in between the other wives. “Hi, Y/N.” 

Most of the dinner went well. It was basically like an interview where they were trying to see your strengths and weaknesses, but you still felt comfortable with them, talking to them.

“Can we see pictures of you and Jungkook?” Ji-Ho asked. You unlocked your phone and passed it to Jin’s wife as she sat in the middle and could show them. “It really sounds like you two are both happy and comfortable with each other.” 

“It was really nice to meet you all,” you said as most of the plate was gone. 

“You don’t have to lie to them,” Jin joked. “I know my presence is enough for you to enjoy.” 

“No, I do mean it,” you reassured them just in case they didn’t take you seriously. “Jungkook talks about Jules and his support system all the time, and it warms my heart that you guys were there for both of them when they were struggling especially after their loss.” 

“Oh?” The look of displacement was written all over Su-ji’s face. “You know about Sarah?” 

“Yes,” you answered. “Is that a problem?”

“If you want me to be honest, I never thought Jungkook would see anyone after Sarah’s passing,” Jin’s wife absentmindedly said, thinking it was a compliment. In the corner of your eye, you can tell Jin was giving her a warning glare as if he didn’t want her to say anything else to you.

“Excuse me?” If she was trying to make you feel better about yourself, she was surely doing the opposite, but you hardened your face, so she couldn’t see that her words affected you. You knew that’s what she wanted, for you to be hurt. She wanted a reaction out of you, and you weren’t going to give her the satisfaction of getting it. 

“You know, Y/N, from the way you talked about it, your relationship with Jungkook reminds me of Sarah and Jungkook’s relationship,” Su-ji said once she saw the picture Jules took of you and Jungkook laying down, cuddling in the blanket fort during New Years. 

Although hearing the name of Jules’s mother made your heart drop, you kept your poker face on and continued to act like everything was okay. With confidence, you raised your eyebrows. “I’m not sure what that means.” 

“Jin and I actually grew up with Sarah and Jungkook. We always went on lunch dates together while we were still in school,” Su-ji explained with a murderous smile on her face. “Kook’s a romantic, isn’t he? Opening the doors, cooking home-cooked meal, giving his jacket when it’s cold, and writing songs and poems weekly? He did that all the time for girls when we were younger. He did that for Sarah too.” 

Your face softened at what Su-ji listed. They were all things he had never done for you, and you couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad thing. Did he want to do something new and fresh with you? Or did he just not put in effort and care? 

Most of it wasn’t a big deal. There was nothing wrong with opening the door yourself and being prepared for cold weather. You could have easily just asked Jungkook for a piece of his clothing if you had wanted to. But the thing that bothered you the most was in a span of months, Jungkook has never written anything for you.

He was a songwriter, but somehow, he didn’t have any words for you. 

You knew Su-ji was hurting your pride on purpose, but for some reason, you let her continue and listened to every word she had to say. She stared at the pictures on your phone. “The way he looks at you is almost identical to the way he looked at Sarah.” 

“Su-ji...” Jin warned. “Stop now.”

"It’s almost as if you were Sarah.” Her sharp words cut like a knife. If it weren’t your phone that started ringing in her hands, you would have cried on the spot. You felt a little better seeing Jungkook’s name on your screen. “Oh speak of the devil.”

“Why don’t we call it a night? I’m sure Y/N needs some rest.” Jin suggested as you stared at your phone. “How about you girls go clean, I’ll go get the kids, and Y/N, stays here to talk to Jungkook?” 

The girls, one by one, got up from the couch with their plates, heading towards the direction of the kitchen. As they left, each one of them gave you a look. Jin’s wife gave you a look of resentment, Jimin’s wife gave you a look of pity, and Tae’s wife gave you a look of worry.

You slid your thumb on the screen and answered Jungkook’s call. “Hey. What’s up?” 

“How are you, darling?” His honey voice made you want to cry. All you wanted was to cry your heart out and have his voice and touch comfort you, but he was the reason why you wanted to cry. “Doing okay?” 

“Yeah, the dinner went terrific. I really liked tonight,” you lied, trying not to let your voice crack. “I’m actually not feeling so well, so I’m leaving early with Jules in like five minutes.” 

“Are you sure you’re okay? It sounds like you want to cry?” He could read you so easily. “Is something wrong? If something is wrong, I can take the next flight and be back with you as soon-” 

“Everything is fine. Jules and I are fine.” Lie once again. “Please don’t worry.” 

Jules came down the stairs, holding hands with Jin. She ran towards you with a smile on your face, cheering you up a little bit. “Is that Jungkook?” 

“Do you want to talk to him?” You asked, and she shook her head. “Kook, I’m going to help Jules get ready to go home, and I’ll call you back once we’re there. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, of course. Drive home safely, okay? I miss you.” 

“I’ll talk to you later.” You hung up the phone. 

Jules put her arms out once she saw you grab her red winter coat from the armchair. As you helped her put her jacket on, you hear distant arguing. 

“What were you thinking, Su-ji?! You had no right to do that! That behavior was unacceptable and immature of you.” Jin whispered as he scolded her. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Talking about Sarah and Jungkook like that! Making Y/N feel bad when she did absolutely nothing to you. He paused. “Sarah might have been your best friend, but she would have been extremely disappointed in how you treated Jungkook’s girlfriend.”

“I don’t need a lecture from you, Jin,” Su-ji snapped. “I personally do not think I do anything wrong!”

“I wouldn’t even be having one if you had behaved like an adult!” He argued back. “Even Ji-Ho didn’t say anything degrading about her. She actually liked Y/N and she usually hates everybody at first.”

 “Don’t you think she deserved to know? All I did was tell her the truth!”

“You didn’t help her!” Helping Jules put her black hat on, you tried to listen to more of their conversation. “You’re unbelievable. I am furious with you.” 

“Sleep on the couch then if you just want to defend her instead of me.”

“If something happens between them because of this, I will never forgive you.” 

It doesn’t take long for Jin to come back to the living room with a forced smile on his face. He went closer to where you and Jules were at, bent down, grabbed the white gloves and helped Jules put them on her hands.

“Jules, honey, aren’t you going to say bye to your favorite Uncle Jin?” You asked. “Thank him too.” 

“Thank you Uncle Jinnie for the food and hugs.” She wrapped her arms around him, instantly, making him smile. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Sweetie.” He let go of Jules and stood up, making eye contact with you as you put your jacket on. “I’ll walk you out.” 

____

[seokjin]

i want to apologize for su-ji’s behavior. i should have stopped her, and i am sorry. you didn’t deserve that. i know you’re going to tell me that it’s okay, but save it. it really was not okay

you know what su-ji said isn’t true right? 

jungkook only loved sarah as a sister

he didn’t love her like he loves you

i promise

It took you a while to respond to Jin’s text. You wanted to believe his words because he knew Jungkook better than anyone, but his wife’s words kept repeating in your head. 

It’s almost as if you’re Sarah.

did he tell you that? 

that he loved me differently than sarah? 

He didn’t respond, and what you’ve learned in the past is that sometimes no answer is an answer.

___

"Why do you like me?” Jungkook was coming back tomorrow, and before his flight, you called him randomly. “Why me? Out of all people? I’m nothing special.” 

“What are you talking about?” Jungkook asked. “Don’t say things like that. That’s not true.” 

“I mean, come on, when you got to know me, I didn’t have a rough upbringing or had a special talent that made me stand out from others. I was just an ordinary person with parents and a few friends.” 

As you waited for an answer, you opened your laptop and went onto a social networking website. Sighing, you looked up the one person that was on your mind lately ever since the dinner at Jin’s. 

“You talk about how I’m so passionate about my dream and how I’m so amazing for growing up and taking care of Jules, but I think about you like that.” 

“How so?” You breathed out, barely audible. 

“Like I know it’s your job to take care of the kids and to make sure everyone is learning, but you take the time to connect with others and strive to make everything better is amazing.” 

Sarah’s profile finally loaded onto your screen. Her profile picture was her and Jules, smiling on a park bench. Scrolling down, almost all her public and tagged pictures were with Su-ji and Jin’s family, celebrating almost every little occasion together. “Really?”

“And I know you want to take care of everyone and you’re okay with being by yourself, but I hope you know that there are people in the world who do care about you and will care about you.” His comforting words made you want to cry. “I care about you.” 

Before you could say anything, the last picture you stumbled across on was a picture of Sarah and Jungkook together at her graduation. Sarah was wearing her cap and gown, holding a bouquet of roses in her hand. She had the biggest smile on her face as she looked up at Jungkook, who was in the middle of laughing. Although this picture of old, Jungkook almost looked the same and had the same features. The only difference was that he never looked quite as happy with you.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asked, bringing you back to reality. “What’s up?

Clearing your throat, you answered, “Yeah. I just was thinking.”

“I also love everything about you, you know? I love how you have a different, but such an understanding perspective about literally anything,” he said. “You’re special.”

“I hope so.”

“I’m going to sleep now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” You hung up the phone without saying anything, still staring at the picture of Jungkook and Sarah.

“What are you doing?” A gasp came out of your mouth as you shut the laptop lid as quickly as you could and turned your head to see Jules behind you. The look of confusion was all over her face along with heartache. “Why were you looking at pictures of my mom?” 

“I’m not!” You denied, putting the laptop onto the table. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

“You were.” She ignored your question, wanting actual answers. “I saw you.” 

She took a seat next to you, looked at your for a long time and looked down at her fingers in her lap. “I know it’s been a long time, but I know what my mom looks like, and I know you were looking at her.”

“Honey-” Jules ran up the stairs, not hearing your explanation or excuse. 

__

“I missed you so much.” The moment Jungkook saw you in the airport, he ran as fast as he could with his silver carry on suitcase, wrapping his arms around you. It was the tightest hug you’ve ever received, and you never wanted to let go. “I missed Jules too, but I really missed you.” 

He pulled away and saw the tiny red bag in your left hand. “I got you a gift for White Day.” 

“You didn’t have to.” Wrapping his arm around your shoulder, you two walked slowly towards the exit. “Is this really for White Day?” 

“What else would it be for?” 

“A gift for being insecure?” 

You stopped in your tracks, and he took it as a sign to let go of you. “What?” 

“Well, I don’t know what to think when you asked me things I liked about you, and then Jules telling me you were looking up Sarah.” Not wanting to meet his stare, you continued looking down at the ground at your feet. Once you looked back up, he saw the guilt in your eyes. He scoffed and rubbed under his nose in disbelief, taking your silence as his answer. His tone of voice changed. “I can’t believe you.”

“Why does it bother you, Jungkook? Maybe I was just curious. Is that so wrong?” 

“Except you weren’t! You and I both know that!” His voice grew louder with each word he said. It was the first time he was raising his voice at you, and it was a surprise. He was always the one who always kept calm in the most heated situations. “I told you everything about Sarah.” 

“Not the fact that she was head over heels for you!” You cried.

“Oh my god. Is this what this is about? You wanted to see if Sarah was in love with me?” He shook his head. This wasn’t the Jungkook you knew; he was acting different. “Who even told you that?”

“Does it really matter?” You stared at him. “I was bound to find out sooner or later.”

He shook his head. “No one looks pictures of dead strangers unless they want to know something.” 

“Fine! I just wanted to know if what the girls said was true. They said that you two were madly in love. They said I was practically a replacement for Sarah.  I just had to find out if it was true.” You paused when Jungkook looked away, not wanting to look at you. Not only that, but you noticed there were tears that were about to fall from his eyes. “She was beautiful and looked so happy with you. You looked happy with her too.” 

Silence.

“Seokjin told me that you didn’t love her.” 

Silence. 

“Is that true?”

Silence once again. 

“Jungkook, I can’t compete with her.” 

He finally looked back at you and grabbed your hands. “I’m not asking you to.” 

“I can’t do this,” you cried, pulling away. “I want to be with you and want you to want me because you love me. Not because I remind you of the girl who isn’t here anymore.”

“Don’t do this,” he whispered. “Don’t say that.” 

“Do you realize how badly it hurt when they told me that?” Sobbing, you covered your mouth holding back any ugly sounds you were going to produce. “I was humiliated and felt like I would never measure up.” 

“You are more than good enough.” 

“What am I supposed to think when they told me that?” 

“Believe me and Seokjin when I say that I have feelings for you.” You knew he was trying to comfort you, but you noticed that he didn’t straight out admit that he didn’t have feelings for Sarah. 

“You’ve never written me a song,” The color drained out of his face as he heard your voice crack; you got your answer. There were tears falling down your face, but he didn’t wipe them like he always did when you cried after watching sad movies. “You have never written me anything.”

He let go of your hands. 

You walked away, and he didn’t even come after you. __ 

lowkey not proofread but i really just want to continue this hehe thanks for reading