#all I do is post about anime and complain I don’t be bothering no one 😭

[tariah23]

im so sorry you got nasty asks ppl can be so vile. i love seeing you on my dash and you always have the best posts and put great stuff on my dash. ive never watched naruto but i dont mind seeing that either <3 ily i hope youre doing ok outside of ppl being terrible

They had me like this, anon...

[v3lvieraven]

Twisted wonderland boys x sleepy!reader

Note- in this context it’s just that your constantly sleepy. But I didn’t add ortho.

Riddle-

Honestly he’s very worried, but also finds it endearing how you cling to him all the time. He likes the fact he’s the one you go to when you get sleepy. Makes it a very big deal to everyone around him when your asleep, telling them to be quiet or else they might lose their head. Generally if it’s during class though, he will try to wake you up or help you focus. But he knows you can’t help it at all, so on those rare occasions he gives in, he will take notes for you and scold you after. Your punishment is getting a full nights sleep with him.

Trey-

He loves it, often times he finds you asleep while he’s baking something for the queen. It’s always a lovely surprise for him to find you in a place he loves being. Many times he had to redirect riddle so that you were not in his line of sight, considering you would get a scolding session. There’s many times that he’s saved you from riddle in that regard, your very lucky trey is riddles best friend.

Cater-

He absolutely loves taking pictures of you when you’d asleep (if your okay with it of course). If your okay with him taking pictures, then he might post a few. But majority are saved in a private folder. He brags about it a lot too, and will actively make sure you hear him bragging about how cute you are. Even before you have an established relationship he would seek you out so he could fawn over you. He’s definitely like Leona/Floyd in the sense that he will use you as a teddy bear

Ace-

He’s going to complain a lot, and make fun of you. No doubt. He finds it annoying at first, but once you get to know each other, he begins to love it. He definitely tells you that he hates your sleepy face, but he has so many pictures. Also he’ll tell you that he doesn’t want to carry you around, but he insists even when you tell him he doesn’t have to.

Deuce-

He finds you so adorable. Beats up everyone who makes fun of you. Despite him thinking it’s adorable, he will make sure that it’s not a mental health problem or a health problem.. just wants you to be healthy in every way possible. Still, he defends you and makes sure to keep an eye on you so you don’t fall over or pass out. He may not be as affectionate as ace, but he will still pull you onto his lap often.

Leona-

Lazy ass lion. He has the audacity to call you lazy! I think you probably stepped on his tail, then when he was yelling at you, you thought of him as a stuffed animal because of the ears and cuddled him. You were too tired to realize what you were doing, and the best part is he let you. Now he drags you to the garden to be his stuffed animal. He gets very possessive and won’t let you sleep near anyone else.

Ruggie-

He also finds it endearing, although he doesn’t have much time to spare, he will coddle you and fawn over you like cater. But he expects something in return for looking after you while your asleep, often makes you take him on lunch dates. Teases you about your sleepy face but immediately starts pouting when you stop.

Jack-

He’s flustered, big strong wolf boy is turned into a needy puppy in your hands. Every time you cuddle up to him during class, whether it’s because the class is boring or because your tired and the room is cold, he always gets startled. You thought you were bothering him and stopped which caused him to be even more needy.

Azul-

His sleep schedule was absolutely fucked up. So your sleepy personality actually really helped when you whined for him to take a break and take a nap. Almost made you sign a contract to only take naps with him, and is still considering it. Probably asks you about it though, if you say yes he will be ecstatic. Due to his workload he’s often pent up, in need of relaxation! Meaning you are his perfect match

Jade-

Jade teases you all the time without relent. He loves it so much how could he not! But only he’s allowed to make fun of you for it, no one else. If your sensitive then he will try to tone it down though. I can imagine that he took you in a wagon while he was looking for mushrooms. That’s been stuck in my head all day, him just pulling your sleeping form around in a wagon.

Floyd-

He’s too energetic for his own good! Like I said earlier, he will use you as a stuffed animal. Hauling you around campus and really anywhere he goes while hugging you. Bites you to wake you up or make you focus and pay attention to him. He hates that he has to chase after your focus but it’s all worth it when your half-glaring at him but are too tired to do anything. It’s very cute!

Kalim-

Also is too energetic for his own good! Will scream in delight when you lay your head on his shoulder. But he’s a sweetheart about it, may or may not carry a pillow around for you so that your neck won’t hurt when taking a nap. Unfortunately that’s not very good when the teacher can clearly see the pillow and it definitely makes you stand out.

Jamil-

He’s more calm about it, he wants you to do well in school, so he might scold you or “monitor” you while you sleep. It’s kinda creepy, most of the time he does that thing where he stays there and cuddles with you until you fall asleep. That’s until he figures out that it backfires because now you wake up whenever he leaves…

Vil-

Oh dear, this will not do! Your hair is a mess, and while it may look cute like that you need to brush it out. He will scold you lightly but only because he’s worried about you. Rook managed to convince him to do your makeup while your asleep, he kept those photos as his wallpaper. But overall he loves you deeply, even if you constantly sleep on top of him when he’s supposed to be doing something…

Rook-

He will find out what is causing this. No matter what. It doesn’t matter if it’s a health problem that he can’t entirely fix, or if it’s just something like lack of sleep or insomnia, maybe narcolepsy. He wants to know if he can help. He still teases you, but that’s mostly to mask his worry. Will slip in little reminders to take care of yourself.

Epel-

He isn’t one to like cute things, but your the exception! He likes how calm you are! (I figure him as a person who likes either a very calm/tired person or an energetic partner. No in between) Honestly he likes how easy going you are, sometimes he feels like his life is too intense and you help level that. Draws on you in your sleep, but also makes sure you take care of yourself.

Idia-

Aw your so cute! You look like those anime girls that sleep all the time. Honestly he loves it, the only part he dislikes is when you don’t eat or drink because of exhaustion. He cares a lot for you though, enough that he will pause his game or let himself lose because you need something.

Malleus-

Lovely dragon boy, adorable dragon boy. He’s so in love, feels honored that you trust him enough to be in such a vulnerable state around him. That being said, he will make sure under no circumstances you don’t get woken up. Unless you need to eat or drink or shower and stuff like that. Sebek is prohibited from being around you when your in this state, specifically because he started yelling at you when you were sleeping on malleus’s lap. It stormed that night.

Lilia-

Aw you are so adorable! He could just hang upside-down with you! He’s done that as well, sometimes you don’t wake up and he gets all giddy. Almost dropped you… he scares you awake though, mainly because he finds it so cute with the face you make when you get startled.

Sebek-

I’m not even gonna lie, you arnt getting any naps in around him. It happens once in a while, those times are very special. It only happens when he’s sleepy or when your sick. That’s when he allows himself to be affectionate and cut loose. Mainly he will hold your hand while you sleep or he might play with your hair, but that’s about it. It’s not that he hates physical affection he’s just not used to it.

Sliver-

Immediately falls in love. If he’s the one that’s more tired, your stuck with waking him up and hauling him around with you when needed. He won’t object though, just make sure you cuddle him later to make up for it. Really hates when his sleep is disrupted but when it comes to you, it’s a lot better. If your the one that’s more sleepy, then it kinda depends. You’re either screwed or you’re being dragged with him wherever he goes. Says he sleeps better with you

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Tight Threads | Yandere Malleus Draconia and Idia Shroud

Pop!

With a tentative lick, you collected the remaining bits of your favorite gum from over your lips. Even so, you didn’t bother pulling your eyes away from the glowing monitor, watching the animated cards shift as the electronic dealer reshuffled. The game was currently a fair fight. 

“Yuck! I was hoping to get another lucky noob!”

You kept quiet. Refusing to move your eyes from the robotic shuffling of the cards; your significant other on the other hand pulled himself over to the adjacent monitor which finally finished its animated cutscene. He sucked his teeth clicking the buttons and notches of the matching console as a boss fight ensued. 

“Geez this game is as buggy as those reviews were whining about. What a disgrace to the Love Supreme brand!” 

He sneered out a couple more insults, defeating the enemy and accepting another side quest. A flashy graphic flashed on the screen initiating his turn, he sucked his teeth again complaining about the player’s speed before sliding to the original monitor again. Despite his eyes being on the other screen he easily completed the quest, letting the victory screen play in the background.

“Huh!? Betting already and so much there’s no way they have a bad hand! There’s only one choice in this case–”

He brought a blue painted finger to the keyboard with full intentions to press down on it.

And it would've if it weren't for your intervention. 

“Hold it.”

You barricaded the monitor with your body as you confirmed your suspicions. Continuing to hog the keyboard, you held your ground waiting for Idia to change focus. Post haste he moved his controller from his lap, wrapping it around your waist as you replaced it. The clicking of his controller rang once more as he watched you in bewilderment. You answered him with a sigh.

“They’re baiting you. The way the cards are dealt means that the other players most definitely don’t have the means. They’re just trying to trick you with the size of the bet.” 

You shuffled your (his) hand before upping your own bet. The clicking stopped as he rested his chin on your shoulder, squeezing his arms tight around you. 

“Are you sure this isn’t just because we just watched that gambling anime? I don’t think we’ll be allowed to go to that con if you lose this much.”

“I got this Iddy watch me!”

You pressed the button to raise the bet. Letting the graphics cue the 2nd player and all that was left was to wait. Idia’s tapping pattern became more frantic, a small change from his usual pattern. You nuzzled his face in comfort as he completed his quest. Both of you nervously stealing glances at the bouncing dots of the player deciding.

“They’re raising.”

“Wouldn’t need to if their hand is good.”

Pressing the button again. The dots reappeared and you lightly shifted in anticipation. Idia on the other hand tucked his head into your neck as he harshly focused on the other monitor, too anxious to watch with you.

“おめでとう GamblerofZunderworld667! You’ve won the bet and a balance of over 30 million tokens”

Idia shakily sighed into your neck, brushing his lips against it as he triggered another cutscene in his game. Smirking with pride, you stretched your arms above your head. You then went to reach for the keyboard again only for the desk to slide out of your reach.

You pouted at the man on your shoulder.

“I think that’s enough betting for you.”

“Heh? You of all people shouldn’t be talking about limits. How many hours have you got on your latest RPG.”

“H-hey off! Off!”

He wrestled the controller from your grasp, maneuvering it behind him far enough to be out of your reach. Thanks to your position it proved to be the most effective way to stop you from taking his controller. You giggled as you thought of something devious. 

“Oh, Iddy~! Why don’t we both stop playing and do something more fun?”

Idia let a blush take over his face as he thwarted another attempt of yours for the controller.

“No way! It’s you who’s playing a game that spends our allowance.”

“Yeah, but you’re the one who’s playing a game with voice chat. You- know-who isn’t going to like that~.”

“Who isn’t going to like what?”

You both stopped, startled at the new voice. You quickly straightened up as though you hadn’t been struggling just seconds before. Both of you putting on innocent smiling faces. Taking the lead you could practically feel the worry teeming off Idia.

“Hi Mal-Mal how was work today.”

“Irritating. I could only think about coming home to you two.”

“Awww Mal-Mal!” 

You got up from Idia’s lap to throw your arms around his shoulders, subtly taking in his scent. He seemed to do the same with you holding you close while supporting your back. Taking the hint you wrapped your legs around his waist, his hands cupping your butt, and waited for him to start walking. Idia watched you two leave into the adjacent room, golden eyes following before returning to the screen, quickly saving his progress and powering down.

“I don’t understand why you two stay cooped up in here when you have a full mansion at your disposal.”

“It's because that’s where Idia wanted our gaming set-up to be. Said he’s scared of the webcams getting hacked if we kept them in our room. Besides–” He arrived at your shared bedroom setting you on the bed while he removed his tuxedo in your walk-in closet. “He knows you’d never allow it.”

He smirked. “That’s absolutely correct.”

Now changed into his casual turtle-neck and loose jeans he returned to the bed. Kissing you multiple times on the eyebrow, your forehead, your cheek, and then your lips. Staying on that last part as long as he could before you lightly tapped at his forearm. Lightheaded you leaned into him, catching your breath while he nuzzled into your ear. Emerald eyes looked past your bowed head to the open door as Idia silently entered as well. Malleus hummed to himself as he watched his other lover disappear into the master bathroom.

“I’m sure we all will have so much to catch up on. Somehow a workday of seven hours feels like an eternity.”

___________________________________________________________

“How did it go? Did any of the conspirators get into the meeting?”

Idia huffed as he took a lick of his raspberry popsicle, leaning against Malleus’ unclothed chest. The vibrations of Malleus' laughter reverberated against his back, a feeling that made his heart beat even faster. 

“What do you think? I wouldn’t be the heir to the Draconian bloodline if they even got into the building.” 

“Still though, usually there's always someone who drops the bag. I can’t imagine a public book signing not having at least one.”

“Why do you ask Idia? Did you find something?”

Under Malleus’ intense gaze, the gamer found himself fidgeting, swallowing a chunk of his aftercare treat in hopes of delaying the response. It didn’t help. It only encouraged Malleus to wrap his arm around him to firmly hold his chin in a subtle threat, letting him continue to nibble at the frozen treat.

“N-not necessarily. Most of what I was talking about was a generalization–”

“Wrong.”

He tightened his grip on Idia’s chin forcing him to turn his head. Idia faltered feeling the warm breath tickle his lips as he tried to look away from that fanged smile. Malleus chuckled at his expression but held firm.

“You’re lying again.”

“W-what makes you think I’m lying?”

Malleus moved closer letting his lips graze Idia’s as he spoke.

“I know everything about my loves, every expression, every sound, every moan. I know it all. I thought you’d respect that by now.”

“I’m not trying to challenge you–”

“No?”

“I just want to make sure it's going well without you stomping on my info!” 

Idia let himself openly glare at the heir whose eye widened only for a second before he captured his lips. With reciprocated fervor, they each explored each other's mouth; savoring the taste of raspberry flavoring. Idia reluctantly pulled away tucking his burning face into Malleus’ neck. Malleus conceded.

“Didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

“I-Its whatever. But there are a couple of really determined communities that are really digging to link you to the (L/n)'s disappearances and that turd’s family.”

Idia looked up at him, biting his popsicle for emphasis. Malleus continued to smile, his eyes holding an animosity at the mention of the former. Even when given the juvenile nickname it didn’t quell the furious flame Malleus had. 

“Well, rumors used to be a crime punishable by death for many.”

“No more deaths, it’ll be too obvious. Our best bet is to ruin them with something else. By someone else.” 

He was smirking again,” then I suppose the Shroud genius has a plan?”

Idia gave a toothy smile. “But of course. You’d really think I’d let those neets slander your name?”

Malleus didn’t need to answer. Gave a thankful kiss on Idia’s head before looking over to you, who was laying with your back towards them; arms and legs wrapped around a body pillow with some nameless anime character on it. It gave him that ugly feeling again. 

“Idia. Three things.”

“Yeah?”

Malleus pinched Idia’s side earning a yelp as Idia leans in closer to him. 

“1) I expect you to properly greet me when I return home.”

“With hugs and kisses?”

“With hugs and kisses.”

“Fine. It’ll be cringy though.”

“That’s fine with me. 2) I’m going to shred the next body pillow you gift (Y/n).”

“What?! But they love their body pillow!”

“If it's not gone by tomorrow I’m burning it in the furnace.”

“Okay okay!”

“And 3)--” Malleus snatched the popsicle stick from Idia’s mouth, flinging it perfectly into the trash can beside the bed. 

“No eating in the bed.”

Part 2?

[farawayfroppy]

Evergreen – I am swept up in you; please don't dispose of me

part 2 ↣ part 1

izuku midoriya x reader

cw: aged up characters, pro-hero au, lots and lots of angst, some canon-typical violence and deaths, Izuku experiences triggers, panic attacks, and nightmares, Reader has a dream-altering quirk, adult language, Reader is referred to as she/her. i see a lot of myself in midoriya so i gave him the therapy that i need

~3k words

hey all! been a while. oops. i started my first year of teaching, so i have had no time to write. i wasn't even planning on posting this i til i had written more of it, but i wanted you to know that i tried lol. i know it's not much, but i hope you enjoy. - Jean xx

Just like that, Izuku found himself back at work.

He knew it was probably too soon, knew it wouldn’t look good to the press or feel like anything other than painful for himself, but he also knew he had a job to do. One of the bastards that had aided in stealing two lives, right in front of him, had gotten away and he hadn’t even known. Hell, beyond that, there was an entire crime ring that seemed to be growing, getting bolder, right under all of their noses.

As much as he didn’t want to relive any of it, to think about it even in the slightest, he knew that as the only hero on the scene that day, he was also a witness. Shouto had wanted information, and now he had it—first hand.

Once inside the doors of his agency, away and safe from the cameras and prying eyes, he made a beeline for his office. He took the stairs today, not bothering with the elevator, where he might have felt like an animal in a cage. That panicked feeling was happening again as he ascended the stairs. Up and up, around and around, it was all blurring together. When he finally reached his floor, he burst through the door, startling an intern standing near a water fountain that was placed a little too closely to the exit.

Izuku mumbled, “Sorry,” but didn’t slow his pace.

He tried not to think about the astounded looks he received from his coworkers as he flew down the hallway. He realized then that he probably should have notified someone, at least his secretary, of his return. As he neared his office, he passed by her, and she rose from her desk with a surprised expression.

“Oh, Deku, you’re back already?” She asked, trying to disguise the shock in her voice. Thinly veiled, painted over with politeness in a way he knew all too well. The customer service voice was like the landlord special of communication, skirting around and covering up the real issues.

He knew it was for his benefit. She was gentle and kind, but he couldn’t handle it. He didn’t feel like he deserved gentle. He didn’t have the capacity to accept kindness, didn’t know how to hold it while already juggling so much. But he wasn’t mean.

“Yep,” he replied, trying to muster up a smile. Tight-lipped, but passable. “Sorry about the disruption, Jane, but I’ll be pretty busy now, so don’t let anyone in. Thanks!” He rushed out before all but diving into the sanctity of his office.

“But—“ he heard her start just as he closed his door, locking it for good measure.

Izuku sighed, slumping against the door with his head down. He felt like crying. He felt small again. How could a man who had accomplished so much, who drew so many eyes, feel so minuscule unto himself? It was hard to live like this, feeling bad for feeling bad, for complaining when he had such privilege and responsibility. There was no end.

“Hey, squirt,” he heard a gruff voice say.

Startled, he shot up, being met with the sight of Bakugou standing near his desk.

“Wh—how did you know I would be here?” He stammered, floored by his friend’s presence and immediately sobered. “Also, I told you to stop calling me that, because—“

Bakugou cut him off, “It’s gross and weird, I know.” He snickered, his shit-eating grin somehow a sight for Izuku’s sore eyes at that moment. “Your mom called me,” he explained, and Izuku cursed to himself quietly.

He should have known. Mama Inko always needed a spy on the inside to make sure he wasn’t lying about being okay. Which, to her credit: he was totally lying about being okay.

“She said you were coming back here today and asked me to make sure you weren’t throwing up and pissing everywhere," he said, and Izuku raised a questioning eyebrow at that.

“My words, not hers,” Bakugou continued. “And you haven’t puked yet, which is a good sign I guess, but do I spy a little pee running down your leg?” He taunted, making his way closer to his green-haired companion to place a large, gloved hand over his face.

Izuku groaned, prying Bakugou’s hand off of him, “Why do you always have to be so gross? And do you ever wash your gloves?”

His friend scoffed in response, “Tch. Haven't you heard I smell like caramel?"

Izuku shuddered, "Caramelized onion maybe. Go take a bath."

Bakugou gave him a long, pointed look before speaking again," So you're really gonna be okay this time, eh?"

Izuku felt his eyebrows furrow in confusion, knowing his expression was probably all too readable to his friend of many years, at least if his stupid smirk was anything to go by.

"What do you mean?" he said indignantly. "I'm here, aren't I?"

"You look like you're here," Bakugou started, "and you may even feel like you're here," he continued, giving Izuku just enough of a shove to make him lose his balance momentarily.

"Hey–" he started to protest, stopping when Bakugou jabbed at his forehead, right between the eyes.

"But up here, you're somewhere else. And usually, you stay there longer," he explained, pulling his hand back to cross his arms, "but you're coming back to us. I can tell 'cause you sound like an idiot again–less deranged, though–but still stupid. I'm way past hoping you'll give up on being perfect or whatever, but you're making a little more sense than you were when I came by your apartment," he said, rolling his eyes as he continued, "Ya know, before you so rudely kicked me out and left me arguing with the fuckin' door. Anyway, that's a good enough sign for me to tell your mom not to get her panties in a twist," he finished.

"Because you care so much," Izuku stressed the words, "I am fine, just like I said when you barged into my apartment before," he paused. Then, with a face of disgust and exasperation, he screeched, "And can you not talk about my mom's panties?"

"Yeah, yeah," Bakugou relented. "How 'bout that neighbor chick that lives next to ya?" he smirked. "Bet hers have little cherries on 'em. And let me tell ya, they were all tied up in knots over you."

Izuku froze, feeling his ears get hot with a blush as your face came to mind–all pinched up in concern–and he immediately stared at his shoes.

"My neighbor?" he asked in disbelief, "When did you talk to her?" He peeked up.

Bakugou grinned, knowing he had struck gold with this line of conversation, "After you locked me out of your place. She came home and saw me arguing away with your closed door–asked if you were okay."

"And?" Izuku prompted, watching as his friend shoved his hands in his pockets so nonchalantly, like he didn't just say something potentially life-ruining. "What did you say?"

"Nothing," Bakugou shrugged, watching Izuku's mouth open in shock. "Didn't know you had the hots for her. Not just gonna give some creep info on you in your time of dire need."

Izuku must have visibly deflated, because he continued, "Don't implode; I wasn't mean to her. She looked all...concerned and shit, so you still got a shot."

Izuku sighed, half-relieved that he didn't scare you off and half-annoyed by his friend's tendency to be nosy.

"She's just nice, okay?" He asserted. "Not that you're ever gonna shut up about this, regardless of what I say," he groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. "And don't talk about her panties either," he ordered.

Bakugou mockingly put his hands up in defeat, "Got it, squirt. I'm heading out now, anyway, now that I've busted up your pity party," he gestured vaguely as he headed toward the door. "I'll tell your mom you haven't keeled over and died yet," he said finally.

He unlocked the door and started to turn the handle as Izuku went to his desk and took a seat, newly determined and ready to get to work.

Bakugou opened the door and began to step out, pausing as he said, "I'm glad you're better now. Than you were that day, I mean." He then added, without any real bite, "Won't have to pick up your slack."

And Izuku didn't know what to say. He nodded, and the other man left. Slumping in his chair, Izuku breathed deeply, not feeling as much of the weight that had been there before, but deep down, he knew that calling himself 'better' was too generous. He understood, though.

The last time he saw Bakugou was right after he had gotten home. Post-incident, post-bullet wound–could you blame him for not making sense? And he was so angry. Just so angry, like he hadn't been in a long time. His friend had come by to try to put an early end to his downward spiral, but he wouldn't listen to any of it. He couldn't. It's like his eyes and ears and, hell, his entire head had been filled with cotton. There had been one time like it in the past, a time that Bakugou had bore witness to just how much the job really affected Izuku.

A few years back, fresh out of school, they had been called on to a kidnapping case. This girl in a small town had disappeared, and people feared it might have been the work of a trafficking ring from a nearby city. They were right. The two of them managed to infiltrate the house that they had been holding the girl hostage in. They even found her.

Izuku still remembers how he had scooped her up, promising that she would be safe again. Promising that she would feel safe again. Bakugou had been fighting close by, securing their exit, a plan they had become accustomed to by then.

They both agreed that Izuku was better at the hands-on rescuing stuff, a more calming presence during a really traumatic time for the victims they saved. And Bakugou was doing what he did best, fighting with an almost reckless abandon. They were almost out, the majority of the suspects involved had been subdued either on the way in or by Bakugou's hands on the way out. But they missed one.

They missed a man who waited for them right at the top of the stairs, one who shot without hesitation. The bullet should have hit Izuku right in the chest, but he was holding the girl he had promised to save. It hit her instead, saving his life but ending hers almost instantly.

It wasn't instant, though. And he remembers how she had looked up at him, with shock, disbelief, pain, and fear. But more than that, he remembered the look of hope. And he doesn't know if it was confusion, or ill-advised optimism that would never cease despite the odds, but she spoke her last words to him then.

"Don't worry," she had choked out, with a smile and the tears on her cheeks that betrayed it.

"Deku will save us."

Izuku felt too warm, trying to shake his head to rid himself of the memory.

"Work," he reminded himself. "Work, work."

He knew that his best chance of preventing anything like that from happening again was to stop it before it started. He had to find the evil in the world and snuff it out before it could spread. But evil doesn't exist in a vacuum.

Evil is born and raised. It's shut out, dealt a bad hand. Loved or unloved; seen or unseen. Evil is a product of generations of the product of an evening. It can sometimes be found in minds and hearts, but always in places it shouldn't be.

It had been hard for Izuku to learn that evil wouldn't be going anywhere despite his best efforts. Like the the night to the day, it just is. He didn't know if it was necessary, and understood that ultimately, he would not be the one to decide. He could only be evil's consequence, but that had consequences for him as well. Everything balanced out, one way or another. All he could do was try to tip the scales in favor of the righteous and the good.

He spent the next few hours pouring over any and all footage from the incident, as well as witness testimonies. From that, he could gather a decent description of the second perpetrator despite his face being partially obscured. The guy was too coward to even show his face, so he'd worn sunglasses and a baseball cap. He did, however, neglect to cover the tattoos that covered his arms, and some were familiar.

At this point, Izuku had seen criminals of all kinds, and was starting to be able to tell who ran with who just based on their tattoos and general demeanor. But while these looked familiar, he couldn't exactly place them. They were slightly different than those of the main gang that ran in his area, so he decided he would send an enhanced (as enhanced as possible based on grainy footage from the scene) photograph of the tattoo he was looking at to both Dynamight and Shouto's agencies. Maybe they would recognize it.

There wasn't much else to go on at the moment, so as difficult as it was, Izuku turned back to the less pressing but very necessary task of filing reports from past cases. Cases--at times very loosely called so--could mean anything from a traffic violation to a minor dispute. Of which, there were many, especially in a big city. It wasn't glamorous, but it was work that needed doing. And, in his absence, the reports had started to pile up.

"Alright," he said, cracking his knuckles. "Paperwork."

To Izuku, the minutes seemed to pass more quickly than usual, which was probably due to the fact that he could basically hear the humming of his heartbeat. His leg was bouncing too, unconsciously, a dull anxiety nipping at his throat while his heart turned over in his chest. His vital organs thrumming with energy made him feel connected to the moment in a way he wished he could reject. It came out of nowhere, that thief of focus. Not completely unwelcome, but uncomfortable in a way that made him start to realize the sweat on his skin and the scratch of his collar.

He had been productive, at least, and had burned through the daylight. He checked the time, eyes growing a bit when he realized how long he had been working. He was completely caught up on paperwork and had even started to get ahead on some things, so he should've known that he had gone way beyond working hours.

He packed his things and left, noticing how he seemed to be the last one in the office. Jane had really taken it to heart when he asked not to be bothered. In some ways, he was relieved. He felt like he'd had enough conversation for the day, so he found a guilty pleasure in walking out in silence. It seemed that even the camera and news crews had taken their leave, and Izuku let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in.

Once he arrived home, he had only just turned the key when your door was thrown open. He flinched, visibly startled, before taking you in.

You looked flustered as you rushed out, "Oh, did I scare you? I'm sorry." Sheepishly you added, "I totally wasn't waiting for you to come home or anything. Just wanted to...look...at the hallway." You nodded then, as if trying to convince yourself, "You know, for fresh air..."

Izuku laughed, slightly confused, but like felt that was the right move.

"Do you want to come over?" You asked suddenly, and he saw something hopeful swimming in your eyes, which were much more open now than the last time he had seen you. He was thankful for that.

Before he could even agree, you said, "I promise I won't fall asleep on you this time."

He really laughed at that as he nodded, "Sure. Give me 10 minutes? I just need to put my stuff away and change."

"No," you whined playfully, slipping back into your apartment. "Don't change. I like you how you are!"

Izuku just laughed at your antics as your door closed, glad to see you much more full of energy. He hoped you were able to get the rest you needed, but knew that fixing that level of deprivation would take a bit of time. You can't catch up on sleep, after all.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Hey look. It is one of those Mounds they are always putting in the backgrounds of Mario games! Are they mountains? Hills? Whatever the case, they seem impractical to me! So extremely vertical with nary a foothold. Mario is all about platforming, and yet these iconic structures are not even platformable! What gives? What are they here for? What is their purpose?

They are here to eat trains, of course! Yum yum yum! Honestly, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Trains never get eaten. They’ve had it too good for too long! I love trains, but even I can admit this is a necessary evil to keep them humble.

...Hey, wait! This isn’t right at all! Mountains don’t have digestive systems! There’s no telling what will happen if a mountain eats something!

Name: Fawful Mountain

Debut: Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story

Wow! What a scientific breakthrough! It turns out that if a Mario Mountain eats something, it turns into a Funny Guy. Who would have thought? Of course, there is only a sample size of one. Would the same happen if any old mountain ate a train? Or if this individual mountain ate a different train, or something else entirely? We need more tests done! Someone get the train out of this mountain, toss in a chicken parmesan, and see what happens!

Anyway, I love this design a lot a lot! It is so cute for a massive lumbering pillar of earth! The way its dirt arms emerge make it seem like some sort of artificial mech, but then its little feets with toes feel so natural! Maybe there are even paws on the bottoms of those. With this in mind, as well as the closed eyes visible before its awakening in the 3DS remake, I am getting the impression that this is truly some sort of ancient, slumbering dirt giant! Usually content to just sleep, it will awake if it senses anything wrong with the soil it is so in tune with... or if a train goes in its mouth! Rude!

Fawful Mountain appears during Giant Bowser’s battle with the Fawful Express, and that is how Fawful Mountain gets its name, because sadly nobody bothered to ask its name before Fawful laid claim to it. (I would have asked) After the train has taken damage, the Monty Mole operators drive it into a mountain to use as cover while they make repairs, and do not seem at all bothered when the mountain comes to life! Shame on them for leaving this innocent mountain creature to be beaten up for their own benefit.

I will give them one thing, though. That 100 in the corner is a distance counter, and they measure in Kilomoles. That is cute.

This isn’t cute, though! Fawful Mountain is weak to fire, what with all the flammable greenery covering it, and once it is on fire, it will stay that way. It is in pain! This is the worst day of this mountain’s life! Also the last one. Though it fights with all its might, Bowser kills it. Sorry mountain :( you were my best friend who was also a location.

Sorry to post such graphic imagery, but Fawful Mountain bursts into clumps of earth... maybe this isn’t so bad? Maybe it can later reform like nothing happened? Maybe its soul is released and can inhabit another mountain to use as a vessel? I hope so! But we will never know because no Mario game has ever dared to revisit the concept of trains animating mountains into monsters. I wouldn’t mind if they did! It would be pretty cool if that became the new generic plot instead of Peach being kidnapped. Imagine gamers complaining on the internet because ugh they did ANOTHER train animating a mountain plot? And I would just smile.

[epickiya722]

While I won’t deny that there is some misogyny in Hori giving Mirko and his other female characters costumes that expose more skin (mainly for fan service) whereas male characters get costumes made from their dna so they don’t have to be half naked, people hating on Mirko BECAUSE of her costume is so laughable since her leotard is meant to look like the one-piece bodysuits wrestlers wear and her hero alias was even inspired by a real life wrestler

It is very damn laughable.

At most, the female characters do expose skin.

But the male characters also service fanservice, if not more. It's just that people are so use to male characters going shirtless during fights, I feel like it just flies over their head that some of those moments are fanservice.

Need a whole board to count the amount of time Midoriya and other male characters went shirtless. That one shot of Todoroki after he almost killed Midoriya after their match? Yeah, the way it's shot, even in the anime, that's fanservice. The costumes are tight, and there are scenes to showcase how tight to give emphasis on the muscles. Crust's costume exposes his abs and thighs and Vlad King's got a whole cleavage window.

That AFO scene when he regenerates his body and he's all buff and nude? That was fanservice.

That scene when Mr. Compress shows his face? Fanservice. Shigaraki and Dabi have became walking moments of fanservices.

What reason does Shigaraki actually need to be shirtless?? After season 5, he can't keep a shirt on. Dabi? "It's to show his scars." Oh, that, too! But it's obvious the team caught on that he has fans that want to lick him. Hence, his recent costume change.

If people gotta talk about the fanservice over Miruko, then bring the same energy for the male characters and the female characters more. That's what bothers me.

Miruko is designed to reference an actual kickboxer. Mirko Cro Cop is a real person (even referenced in the first chapter of JJK which tickles me because it was for Itadori, who is my other favorite. Yeah, Horikoshi and Gege read other's stories and are friends). If the wrestling gimmick wasn't clear enough, her backstory has her wear a mask like a wrestler does and she fights others... in a wrestling ring!! She fights like a wrestler!

So her costume actually makes a lot of sense! Both in the case of her fighting style and aesthetic.

Yes, some of the designs for the female characters could be a little better, but it's the amount of energy people want to bring to voicing their hatred about Miruko's actual pretty tame costume to everyone else. She ain't the only damn body in the story serving fanservice, so stop acting like she is.

And considering that Miruko is also a grown woman is always what make me even more confused.

In the case of Yaomomo and Hagakure, it makes sense people would be uncomfortable. They are still teenagers, just 16. I'm sure we all are tired of the teen girls being half nude for fanservice trope.

But Miruko? That woman is almost 30. I would expect for people to thirst over her just as much as they do the other characters. Grown women are allowed to be sexy.

Oh, my bad. Apparently not. I forgot how people get upset with women who are confident in their sexual appeal and want to show it off.

The same people who complain about Miruko being sexy are the same people who probably read smut posts about Bakugou.

The way the fandom acts towards Miruko is the point of my post from yesterday.

Y'all hate her costume, but don't mind it on your character for your obvious horny reasons. A lot of the fics and art was horny.

Call Horikoshi a "misogynist", but some of you ain't even no better because of your treatment of Miruko. If you're gonna complain about her costume being "too much", then I need to see that for almost every single body on that same post. People like to say "You're just horny for her", well, what's the problem? Same people who complain that Miruko fans find her attractive are the same people who find their own faves attractive and only that. Some of you probably can't remember your fave's favorite food or their birthday. So I'm trying see what's the problem.

"Oh, here's another Miruko butt shot."

That's the only butt shot you noticed? Hm... kind of odd to be specific about a Miruko butt shot instead of "Oh, here's another butt shot". Is it just me who smells the absolute bullshit that this fandom is sometimes? Just me? Could be just me.

And it's not even just the costume that bothers me.

[asirensrage]

Demanding It All - Gojo Satoru Oneshot

Title: Demanding It All Rating: Explicit Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen Pairing: Gojo Satoru x Unnamed Female OC Warnings: Slight possessive behaviour. Sex. Mentions of Gojo being an asshole (and ruining her dates with others) Summary: They've both finally had enough. Satoru does something about it. Sequel to Wanting More

Notes: Unbeta-d. I wrote this in a few hours and only looked it over a couple times so forgive me if it's not to my usual standards lol. It's also only the second time I've written him. I used/referenced a couple prompts from this post.

This is dedicated to @nejires-hado and the anon in my ask box who decided to complain to me about @nejires-hado sexualizing anime characters before asking me "Don't you ever look at yourself and feel shame?" The answer, of course, is no and because I excel at spite, I bring you this spite smut. Enjoy!

“Damn it, Gojo! What the hell is your problem?” 

“Hmm?” he asks, looking not at all bothered by her anger. He’s lounging on her couch again, looking as though he belongs there. No matter how many times she’s thrown him out, he’s found his way back. Like some stray cat she never wanted. 

“Why are you ruining everything?”

“Ruining?” he laughs at that. All it does is piss her off more. “What was there to ruin?”

“Don’t you have other people you can bother? Or Elders to irritate? Schools to reform? Some shit that doesn’t require you to dig into my personal life?”

He stares at her. Even if she can’t see his eyes, she can feel his gaze. “Who says I’m not?”

She tries not to scream in frustration. She doesn’t know what’s wrong with him or what changed. Suddenly, he was showing up more frequently, not to mention interrupting all of her dates, throwing his arm around her like she was his and demeaning every man she had met with. It was driving her insane. Especially considering she actually liked the first one he drove off. “I’m sick of this. I’m sick of you acting like you’re not doing anything wrong!”

He sits up at that, long legs bent at the knee with his feet planted on the ground. “When have I ever done something wrong?” He scoffs. 

“You showed up during my date and told him our kids were waiting for us!” 

“Oh, that.” He leaned back, getting comfortable again. “He was boring. I saved you from a terrible date.”

“I didn't ask you to!” she snarls. “In fact, I don’t know why you’re still here! We’re not friends, Gojo.”

He grins and she can already tell that whatever comes out of his mouth is going to irritate her further. “Oh? Then what are we, dearest?”

“A headache.” 

“Aww, come on. You deserve better than them.” He stands up and moves towards her. She glares at him, inwardly cursing the Limitless that keeps him protected. 

“I deserve some peace from you,” she bites back asking if he has other friends. She was angry but that was just cruel. “What is your problem?”

“You.” 

She blinks, surprised by the tone of his voice. Satoru is rarely serious. Even at the brink of death, he finds a way to enjoy himself, to mock those weaker than him. Everyone is weaker than him. “What?”

“You are my problem.” He moves closer and she stops herself before she steps back. She’s not afraid of him. She never has been. 

She glares up at him. “Well don’t stick around on my account.”

He sighs and she gets the sense he’s disappointed. “Haven’t you figured it out yet?”

“Gojo, leave me alone.” She doesn’t want to play his games. “Or I’m going to find a way to throw you out the window.”

He laughs at that. “Always so creative! Not that it would hurt.” 

She reacts without thinking, shoving him back. Her hands stop before they can reach him. It just makes her angrier. “Fuck you, Satoru!”

He reaches up, grasping her wrists. Her breath catches in her throat at the feel of his skin against hers, the warm grip that holds her. Has she ever touched him before? Has anyone? “Promise?” 

“Just stop, okay? Stop bothering me. Stop scaring my dates off. Just stop!”

“They don’t deserve you.”

“Yeah?” she sneers. “Who does? Nanami?”

His lips are on hers before she can even think. His hands still hold her wrists, keeping her in place as his mouth moves against hers. He pulls back, just enough so that they can breathe. 

She stares at him, confused and uncertain. He kissed her. Satoru, who has strived to make her life hell, kissed her. “What–”

He lets go of her wrists, one hand moving to the small of her back, pulling her into him. The other hand goes to the back of her neck, tilting her head up towards him. His mouth finds her again. The kiss deepens. It’s hard and demanding, almost punishing for something she never knew she was doing.

She can taste the sweetness of the candies he had been eating on his tongue. His grip tightens for a moment and she moves her arms, reaching up to wrap them around him. She digs her nails into his shoulder, feeling him smile against her lips. She loses herself in the kiss, mindlessly wondering how it came to this while hoping he doesn’t stop. 

His mouth moves, trailing kisses against her jaw, down her neck. She presses her fingers into the base of his scalp, trying to keep herself from pulling off his blindfold so she could bury her fingers in his hair. 

“So good,” he mutters against her skin. “-knew it.” 

She’d shove him off for that if she didn’t want him closer. She presses up on her toes, nipping at his jaw for the remark. His grip tightens slightly before he kisses her again. He steps forward, forcing her back. She lets him lead in the parody of a dance, ushering her through her own apartment as he sheds the shirt he’s wearing in between claiming her mouth with his. She doesn’t even question how he knows which way to go. There’s no point. Not with him. 

She pulls off her own shirt, throwing it in the direction of her laundry basket. His chest presses against her, warm skin against hers. Somehow she never thought he’d be warm. His mouth finds her again and the thought is lost as she kisses him back just as hard. She bites at his lip, ignoring the way he laughs against her. He lets her take what she wants, all the while moving them until the back of her knees hit the side of her bed and she’s lying down with him above her. 

Her breath catches in her throat at the sight of his eyes. Darkened with lust, she can barely begin to decipher the look in them before he closes them, distracting her again with his kiss. His fingers move, tugging at the shorts she’s wearing. She lifts her hips enough to help him pull them off. He takes her underwear with them. 

She closes her eyes, unwilling to see his expression as he looks at her, bare under his gaze. Weren’t they always? 

He doesn’t linger long. His hands move, mapping the curves of her body as his mouth traces a trail that only he understands. Her hands grip the sheets under her and she allows herself the satisfaction of digging her fingers into his hair like she wanted. She can’t stop the urge to yank on it, just because she finally can. He bites at her skin before pressing his tongue flat against one of her nipples. Her breath catches in her throat and the desire to hurt him fades against the need for more. 

She hooks a leg around him, pressing him closer. 

“Patience, darling,” he teases. “I want to savour this.”

She groans in frustration. “Don’t play with me, Satoru.” 

“But it’s so fun!” 

Her eyes narrow and before she can lift her leg to kick him off of her, he grips it, holding her in place against him. He presses closer and rocks his hips against her. The friction of his clothed legs pressing against her makes her gasp. 

“Wait,” he orders. He bends back down, mouth on her skin again. He keeps one hand on her leg, keeping her against him. The other skims against her, cupping one of her breasts. His fingers brush against her nipple, tugging at it playfully before he moves to soothe it with his tongue. 

Her head falls back, relaxing into the sensations. Goosebumps prickle against her skin that his fingers brush against. She’s going to be marked, bruises caused by his mouth. It's as though she’s one of those desserts he goes out of his way to find, the ones he lingers in eating, trying to enjoy as long as possible. 

He shifts, moving down slightly and releasing his hold on her leg. His hand goes between her legs and she is left suddenly open as he presses against her carefully. It’s seconds before he finds it, thumb pressing against her clit as her legs clench around him. If he laughs, she doesn’t hear it, her focus only on his fingers and the way they are slowly pressing in. When his mouth joins, his tongue flicks as it replaces his thumb before pressing flat. 

The pressure increases and she buries her hand in his hair again, holding him close as she gets closer to the edge. 

“Please, please, please,” she begs. She’s never begged him before but she can’t stop. Not when there’s more. Not when she’s so close. 

She breaks. He doesn’t protest at the way her legs tighten around him or how she pulls his hair without meaning. It’s as though all he can focus on is her and how she tastes. He finally pulls away, letting her catch her breath and come back to earth. She could finally understand why he called himself a god. Why it might be slightly deserved. Forget what abilities he could have, that alone was enough to redeem him. 

He positions himself above her, staring down at her. His eyes are bright in the shadows of her room. She stares back, any hesitance is gone in the aftermath of her orgasm. 

“Stop looking at me,” she says softly, finally breaking the silence between them. He smiles at her, something softer than his usual smug grin. 

“I can’t.” Seeing her confusion, his smile widens. “You’re so pretty like this.” 

Her nose scrunches up at the compliment. It doesn’t seem right coming from him. She tries to shove him back but he grabs her hand, pinning it down against the bed next to her. 

“Don’t,” he says softly. He leans forward and brushes his nose against her jaw. “I want to see everything.”

“Don’t you already?”

“Not like this.” He kisses her again before pulling back. She sits up slightly, confused at the sudden coldness before she realizes what he’s doing. His pants are quickly abandoned and she can see the condom he pulls out. 

“Can I–” her offer to help is cut off. He moves impossibly quick sometimes and before she can even move, he’s back between her legs. He pauses only to check with her, to meet her eyes as he positions himself. She hooks a leg around his waist, pulling him closer. 

The stretch is uncomfortable at first, despite the preparation. He groans against her skin as he holds himself close. She breathes, trying to let herself relax as he fills her. Did it feel like this before? Were others lacking or was it simply more because it was him? 

His lips move across her neck, an attempt to distract them both. She clutches at him, nails digging into his skin before she demands that he move. So he does. 

Her head falls back as he thrusts forward. It’s so much and somehow not enough. She wants more. She wants to burn him into her skin, some proof that this is real and happening. That he’s really muttering in her ear about how good she feels, how he’s the only one to deserve her. How he won’t let her go. 

She ignores that and focuses on how she feels. He moves one of her legs higher, his elbow under her knee as he tries to get closer, shifting the angle of his hips until her mouth drops open and words become impossible. The noises from them both would be embarrassing if she could bring herself to care. The pressure continues to build and she finds herself plunging into another orgasm before she realizes it. He kisses her, swallowing her scream as his pace increases. She leaves scratches in his skin, drawing blood as he fucks her into the mattress, refusing the ease even for a moment. 

She’s teetering on the edge of another when he finally breaks. He groans, burying himself into her. He holds her tight enough to bruise but doesn’t move. The potential of her own orgasm fades and for once she’s a bit thankful if only for the chance to breathe, to hold off on losing herself to him again. 

He pulls out, discarding the condom before he collapses on the bed next to her. She turns, moving to her stomach while she tries to recover her energy. How did they get here? Satoru and her were friends. Sort of. And now…did they ruin that? 

An arm curls around her waist before she’s pulled into his chest. She glares, regretting the last hour already. His eyes are closed and she’s surprised at the fact that he actually looks relaxed. Not in the way he pretends he is, like when he taunts the Elders.This looks real. 

One of his eyes open, peering at her. “Still hate me?” he asks, sounding far too amused for someone who just tried to fuck her senseless. 

“Yes.”

His lips twitch at that. “Same amount?”

She pretends to think about it. “Hmm…maybe a little less.”

“A little?”

She moves, holding up a hand and showing an inch between her thumb and index finger. “Just a bit.” 

He laughs. “Then I’ll just have to keep you in bed until you love me.”

Her face scrunches up at the thought. “I’m going to throw you off the roof.” 

Satoru’s grip tightens on her, pulling her closer. She thinks she feels his lips against her hair. “You can try.”

“One of these days, Satoru…” she warns. He just closes his eyes, ignoring her. She tries to push him off, gaining a bit of space so she can at least clean herself up. His grip is firm though and he doesn’t let go.

“Not yet,” she hears him say. “Just…wait, okay?”

It’s too soft and she finds herself settling without realizing. “Yeah,” she leans back against him. “Okay.” 

taglist: @raith-way @arrthurpendragon @veetlegeuse @chickensarentcheap @nejires-hado @residentdormouse @endless-oc-creations  @stanshollaand @wordspin-shares @chrissymunson

[yarrowleef]

mmm somethings been rattling around inside my brain about queerness in xenofiction (warrior cats centric cause that's obviously mostly what people are talking about in my internet circles) and I know around here I am preaching to the choir but w/e. I feel like i may have made this post before but i’ll do it again until i feel like i’ve crafted all of my thoughts correctly

everyone knows there’s always like. some shmuck on twitter or youtube comment sections, complaining about how gay cats just don’t make sense ~realistically~

and the common argument back is always something along the lines of “these cats have complex society and religion and talk to ghosts and sometimes have magic powers, and being gay is where you draw the line? it doesn’t have to be realistic”

and something just rubs me the wrong way about that argument, not that it’s WRONG, it’s not wrong, xenofiction by definition is all super super unrealistic. I think it’s more like, it oversimplifies it. because honestly when I make critiques about the warriors world building not making sense, I don’t tend to like the argument beginning and ending at “well it doesn’t have to be realistic” because no it doesn’t but it’s still supposed to feel believable.

i think i don’t like that the argument seems to imply that gay animal characters are at all on par with other fantasy things like talking to ghosts and having powers or complex religion. I also don’t like it when people who are being fake-supportive can condescendingly say “well the gay couple may be completely absurd and unrealistic but I guess it’s ok because its just a silly fantasy :) ” cause like. Like its not unrealistic tho. i don’t like the implication that it’s uniquely unrealistic, if this was a grounded story with no magic or religion and the cat social groups were more inspired by real feral cats, it would still be illogical for some queer cats not to exist.

 I feel like it is a more effective argument to point out that straight cats are just as unrealistic, in fact more unrealistic and silly

“cats lovingly and monogamously married-for-life and raising kids together” is the absurdity it should be compared to, rather then the magic elements. Because then the complainers have to contend with the fact that they aren’t bothered by unrealistic relationships between cat characters, they are just uniquely bothered by gay ones. 

I mean...not to get tmi but it seems obvious to me this knee jerk reaction people have to rolling their eyes and scoffing when “gay” and “animal character” are placed in the same sentence is based on their insistence on equating the breeding behavior of animals to the romantic relationships of humans. Y'know, they're assuming that when people talk about romantic couples between anthro characters, that that is the sort of thing they are drawing from. When, certainly when it comes to cats, that is a very very poor equivalent. Cat mating behaviors are not affectionate or long lasting--they actually seem quite stressful, and then the father runs off to find more girls and probably never calls his one-night-stand again.  

this is why I am really not fond of “mate” being used at the go-to replacement for husband/wife in xenofiction. Consider just coming up with a brand new word for your animal character’s version of romance! maybe they have types of relationships and words for them that humans don’t even have! but “mate” feels like. an action, nothing more. It doesn’t inherently imply love. frankly I think more people should be anthropomorphizing mates as simply Business Partnerships where the business is in desiring offspring, as opposed to husband/wife.

Just like....ok if you’re going to use the real behavior of animals as at least the loose inspiration for your anthropomorphic character’s behavior, surely pair bonding would be a smoother translation to what we view as a romantic couple?? not mating?? because pair bonded animals are the ones having consistent pleasant interactions, and being physically affectionate, and working together in life, sometimes even raising each others kids together.  

And keeping that in mind, frankly you could argue that gay-coded cats should be the norm. (not that I think pair bonded creatures should always be interpreted as a romantic coded relationship, you could interpret some as platonic or familial or simply allies needing to survive. The point is no matter what route you go, you are projecting some human experience onto animals who’s minds and feelings we cannot ever actually understand. So to make it coded as a gay romance is just as reasonable as making it an adopted found-family sort of affection. You can go any route and be the same amount of unrealistic.)

If these losers actually want reasonable cat fiction, no one should have romantic affection for anyone! and if two cats have kittens together, it should be treated more like a short-lived antagonistic business partnership where you part ways immediately after. If you only criticize one type of romance for being “unbelievable and silly because these are CATS for crying out loud 🙄” but you don't feel “distracted” or “taken out of the story” about the other type of romance, then this aint about realism my guy, sounds like you just have some baggage to unpack.

I am beating people over the head with a very big sign that reads “Whether you’re writing about cats or birds or aliens or fantasy people or whatever, you cannot grant any creature the ability to love without all the variety and complexity that **naturally** goes hand in hand with those messy emotions. If the creatures can fall in love at all, then there must exist the possibility for some of them to be queer about it. And if you view queerness as unnatural, then we don’t have a writing disagreement, we have a fundamental moral disagreement about life. And I can’t help you there, that’s your problem! But I refuse to let people benignly hide behind a “simple desire for more realistic-feeling fiction uwu” as a defense!! (gay people are real. It’s true! I checked!!)”

[foreverfairytailfan]

🚨RANNT ABOUT FAIRY TAIL HATE INCOMINGGGG🚨

Long rant. Like LONG long. Feel free to scroll on by but I seriously needed this off my chest so just be prepared if you decide to read it💀 also not trying to (and wont with all due respect) debate with anyone about the things I’ve mentioned below, this is just purely how I feel inside atm, plus it’s super sloppy and emotionally charged; I would’ve done a much better job at talking if it was a debate post, but it’s not lol. Debating stuff about FT can always happen another time on another day so hopefully this post isn’t misunderstood to be starting something, just a simple rant :) okaythanksforyourtimehaveagoodday

Mentions of death, as well as murder/killing

——————

ARGH THESE FAIRY TAIL HATERS GET ON MY NERVES SOMETIMES FOR REAL! LIKE I GET PERSONAL PREFERENCES BUT THEY HATE OVER THE MOST STUPIDEST THINGS ABOUT IT!!

One thing I always see people complain about is how Fairy Tail hardly has any killings. First of all, wtf??? How have we become so desensitized that we want to see innocent characters to die? Like I get it contributes to good story telling by expressing the emotional process of it all, and I certainly know I’m not immune to a good and gripping character death when it’s done right, but come on do we really need to have people dying left and right ALL THE TIME?? If the story has to have so many deaths 24/7 to make it a good story, is it really a good story?

Second, there was in fact death in Fairy Tail; it’s just not enough death for people to mention apparently?? While the deaths are rare in FT, when they happen I think it hits harder, and it makes it much more personal because it’s not a normal occurrence. It affects you on a deeper level because you weren’t expecting it already, you know? It shows us that death shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Third, death is not gonna happen frequently for Fairy Tail. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARENT ACTIVELY FIGHTING CRIME!! THEY ARE NOT A GUILD ABOUT FIGHTING PEOPLE!!! They. are. not. superheros!! They are a magic guild that cares about family, their town and townspeople, and supporting one another. They always try keep the violence to themselves (aka roughhousing) and taking jobs that can have potential battles involved.

They don’t ask to be dragged into shit like guild wars, fighting literal dragons and crazies, and life threatening forces! They fight because they’re good people who want to protect the ones they love, innocents, and their planet. This is not a shonen about killing their enemies and bathing in their blood and victory, all they want is to have peace and fun with each other. There is more to the story than death. There are multiple tragic things that happen in the series that are just as heartbreaking as a death.

It’s a feel good series that doesn’t focus on the deep negatives, but how people overcome said negatives and use the power of the love for their found family to fight for what’s right. You say it’s a surface level series, but the truth is your not willing to look deeper under it because you can’t be bothered to see there is more to a series than many deaths, killings, etc.

there are so many shows and mangas like FT that don’t get a quarter of hate like FT does and I just think it’s incredibly stupid and unfair to target a show over petty reasons such as LACK OF DEATH?? It’s a wonderful show that is supposed to cheer you up and make you feel happy, why can’t we just have a series that’s exactly like that and still be considered a good story? And yes, Fairy Tail isn’t perfect; no series is. It has its flaws just like any other shonen.

My point is that FT is picked on way too much for reasons that other anime’s display as well, and that there’s a lot of hypocrisy in FT haters. I never understood why Fairy Tail was the scapegoat for all the hate when their favorite shows and mangas do the exact same thing! If Fairy Tail isn’t what you’re looking for, then move on without shitting on it.

The people of Fairy Tail are extremely important to me, as cheesy and cringe as that sounds. They raised me, taught me lessons that I still hold dear to my heart to this day. It has picked me up in times of need while still being able to evoke strong emotions from me. It just gets under my skin when so many people either pick it apart and don’t bother to dig deeper behind the meaning of it, or just sexualize the characters constantly without paying attention to the valuable lessons we could be learning from them instead.

I know it’s just a show/series at the end of the day, and I shouldn’t let it bother me this much; but I can’t help it, the characters are like family to me and have helped me process many emotions and gotten me through dark times. I just think if you’re gonna hate, you should do your research first and then come back with plausible reasons. I respect all opinions (as long as it doesn’t hurt others) and I never try to say that they’re wrong and I’m right blahblahblah because we all have our own preferences and that should be celebrated, as well as be able to have the right to express them; but let’s not over do it with hate outloud and in the open where people can be affected by the hurtful things you say.

[cartoonfuel]

Cookie Dough Ice Cream — Chapter 1

First Post (includes actual writing lol) — Multifandom x Reader/Reverse Harem

BEFORE YOU READ: I have some explaining to do. 🥴

So my buddy @lou-struck and I created harems for each made up of anime characters from literally aaaaalllll over the board (at random!). For my Ouran High School Host Club fans out there: You may get a kick outta this!

@lou-struck’s harem includes:

Tooru Oikawa - Haikyuu!! (Playing the Perfect/Princely One)

Edward Elric - Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (Tsundere)

Shoto Todoroki - My Hero Academia (Strong Silent Type)

Ayato Sakamaki - Diabolik Lovers…unfortunately (Badass)

Armin Arlert - Attack on Titan (Best Friend)

Denki Kaminari - My Hero Academia (Pervert)

Zenitsu Agatsuma - Demon Slayer (Comedian/Comedic Relief)

Kusuo Saiki - The Disastrous Life of Saiki K (Enemy…I’d be terrified if I were @lou-struck)

Pretty loaded roster, amiright? >:D

Please note that this is purely FOR FUN and nowhere near as detailed as my typical projects. But…it definitely has a lot of personality! 🫠

** Written in active voice second person POV (I usually do not write using active voice).

And uhh…college au was literally the only way to make this work lol

If all that makes sense…then let’s begin Chapter One. Enjoy!

~~~~~

Cookie Dough Ice Cream — Chapter 1

Word Count: 1K

TW: None

- One - Two -

~~~~~

Every Tuesday after class, you and your best friend Armin go to get ice cream together at the local Baskin-Robbins. You catch up, talk about your week, complain about the people in your social circle. Sure, it’s a little bit toxic, but it’s harmless for the most part.

“The guy won’t leave me alone,” you explain to Armin after shoving a spoonful of cookie dough ice cream into your mouth. “I don’t know what to do anymore!”

Armin sighs. “You have to stop leading him on.”

“But I swear I’m not!”

“You have to tell him to his face that’s he’s not welcome—no tiptoeing around it.”

“Are you actually Armin in there? Or did a ghost possess you?”

“I’m being serious! This guy’s trouble and you know it and now I’m starting to get concerned.”

You collapse face-first onto the table and sigh. “I know…” You pause. “I mean, he’s just a creep more than anything.”

“A strong attractive creep that everyone seems to like despite the weird aura he gives off.” Armin crosses his arms. “I still can’t get over the time he sniffed the back of your neck.”

“Can we not talk about that please?” You try to hide your blush though fail miserably. Suddenly, your eyes go big. “You think he’s a vampire?!”

“Ayato Sakamaki is not a vampire,” Armin replies, clearly used to the silly conclusions you would often jump to.

“A girl can dream, can’t she?”

“You girls always fantasize about that stuff. I don’t get it.”

“Eh, we may think we like that stuff but it’s probably pretty scary in real life.”

“Speaking from experience, are you?”

“Definitely not, and thank god for that.”

All of a sudden, Armin’s eyes widen for just a moment, peaking your interest. You hesitate to glance over your shoulder and determine what it was that distracted your friend.

“Don’t look now,” he says quietly. “Your boyfriend is here.”

You knew exactly what he meant by that. “Oh? You mean the delusional college volleyball player who misunderstands the undeniable fact that I am not his girlfriend?”

Out of nowhere, a powerful hand clamps down on your shoulder and startles you. “Look who it is! Good to see you! Seems like Baskin-Robbins is the place to be, eh?”

“Unfortunately,” you growl, turning and glaring at the man standing above you.

“Yikes! What’s with the nasty scowl?”

“You’re interrupting my ice cream date, Oikawa.”

Tooru Oikawa. He’s not the worst scum bag on the planet, but definitely one you didn’t want to get involved with. The way girls would drool all over him always bothered you. However, part of you wondered what was actually going on inside that fat head of his as you never shot down the possibility of his arrogant attitude simply being a front.

“Oh, well my sincerest apologies!” He leaned towards you, now resting his hands on the back of your seat. “It won’t happen again, honest! Because next time, it’ll be our own little outing.” The hairs on your arms stood up. “Can’t interrupt a date you’re already on, can you?”

You roll your eyes. “If that’s your way of asking me out—for the sixth time this month—it’s a bit aggressive, don’t you think?”

“Aggressive is the only way I play, honey!” Armin started chuckling. Oikawa turned to look at him. “What’s so funny?”

“Aggressive?” Armin replied. “More like desperate. But I’ll be nice and assume you meant you play aggressively on the court and not in the dating world.”

Oikawa gave you some room to breathe, pulling up a chair next to you and your best friend. “Listen, I could have any girl I want. HOWEVER! I realize how special your friend is.”

Armin shrugged. “Well, you’re not wrong. She is pretty damn special. Which is exactly why you aren’t good enough for her. Don’t you have some lame sport to go play?”

Now it was your turn to notice some idiot wandering into the ice cream shop. This time, it was your mortal enemy: Kusuo Saiki. Realizing he was here, you immediately stood up and got your things together.

“Whoa, everything okay?” Oikawa asked you.

“Nope!” You said in a hurry. “Gotta go. Armin, I’ll fill you in later.”

However, in order to leave the Baskin-Robbins, you’d have to pass by Saiki, currently standing in line for his ice cream. You desperately hoped being fast alone would be enough for him to ignore you.

“Oh,” Saiki said as soon as he saw you. “Just my luck. Thought I’d get to catch a break for once and be able to enjoy Baskin-Robbins’ new coffee jelly flavored ice cream in peace.”

You started to panic. “And you will! I was just on my way out.”

The scariest part was, you knew Kusuo Saiki was a psychic. You were one of the few people who did, and the day you found out his secret was hands down the worst day of his life—and you’re sure he’s had a lot of worst days! That day is probably why he has such a strong distaste towards you. You’re afraid in the future he might internally explode from all the turmoil he deals with on a daily basis and possibly take it out on you.

“Stop acting so terrified, I’m not going to hurt you,” Saiki snapped.

“You could,” you chuckled anxiously. “Really, I was leaving, so I’ll see you around! You don’t need to worry about seeing this ugly mass of bones and muscle! Bye!”

And with that, you darted out of the shop, leaving Saiki to silently pray that you never discover the true reason as to why he passionately hates your guts so much.

~~~~~

Alright! So that showcases SOME of the fandoms I’m familiar with at least. Bro, I’m scared for MY harem…pretty sure that consisted of Light Yagami (yikes already), Mikey from Tokyo Revengers, Kyo (Fruits Basket), Katsuki Bakugou…yeah, I’m dead.

Anyway, thanks for reading! This was a fun concept to carry out and I look forward to updating it sometime soon.

Oh! And I’ll add this to my welcome post, but it is worth noting I actually am a volleyball coach/player. So any Haikyuu I write…I try to make fairly accurate! ☺️ Again, thanks for reading and see ya later!

[panjakes]

that weirdo saying all kpop boys are racist is actually insane because there are hundreds of idols who haven't done anything racist and are unproblematic and actually speak up about cultural problems in the kpop community. there are Even kpop GIRLS that are unproblematic, they are being so ignorant and close-minded. I can literally name idols too

Also wtf does posting pictures of black people have to do with anything? There are thousands of popular tumblr blogs on here that have "black reader" in the hashtags and caption but there aren't pictures of black women in the story (almost all anime writers) . but you put description of the readers description like every other black writer so what's the problem. people just want a find a problem with anything, this is why other tumblr communities clown black writers and readers bc people like them are always starting drama or complaining about unnecessary shit. we will never be united.

Speaking about stuff they don’t even know about!! You saw one article and assumed every apple in the basket was bad because of one. I don’t understand why they did all that. I was unbelievable stupid. I’m not hurting or bothering nobody.

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

So, I went to a national park yesterday with my siblings, and while there I thought over my own little np au, and really got thinking about it when we were stuck waiting for a huge herd of bison to pass by.

So, here’s a fun little one-shot for the au with Crowley, Aziraphale, and wild animals.

Warning: for the love of fuck, please do not approach wild animals of any sort in a national or state park! And do not feed them human food, this is not good for them, and this gets them too used to humans, meaning that they could get hurt, or you could get hurt if you bother them too much.

On with the fic!

--

“You’d think that people would be a bit more considerate about the beauty of this park when, ya know, they’re fawning over it while they toss their trash about.” Crowley grumbled as he speared at a half empty bag of chips, clearly discarded and left for some animal to get into. He tossed it into his mobile trashcan. 

“It is a darn shame.” Aziraphale sighed, following along, gesturing with a finger at a crumpled beer can. It vanished, but it ended up in the can to be tossed away. “We’ve got signs posted all over the park, especially at the rest areas and campgrounds! They’re even in a variety of languages!”

“Humans are just like that, angel. They take this world for granted.”

“Have you ever tossed your rubbish about like this?”

“Ehhh... when I was younger, didn’t even seem to care, didn’t know any better. Auntie Ash got on me about it, put the fear of her into me, been a lot better about it since.” Crowley replied, stabbing more trash with his spiked pole. “And since workin’ here... uhg. Yeah, no. Not throwin’ anymore trash on the ground.”

“Good call.” Aziraphale smiled before frowning, turning his head in the direction of one of the picnic tables nearby. He had noticed something going on out of the corner of his eye (and his unseen Eyes), a bit of excited chattering and activity with a group of tourists. 

He could see a group of young college-aged humans, giggling and laughing, chatting about something they were circled around. A few of them even had out their cellular telephones, and Aziraphale gently put a hand on Crowley’s shoulder. “Dear, what are they doing over there?”

“Hm?” Crowley turned, glancing over. “What, that group? Looks like they’re excited about something. Can you see what they’re looking at with your spooky eyes?”

Aziraphale scoffed, muttering under his breath that his extra Eyes were not ‘spooky’. He could see, in just a blink, what the group was surrounding. It appeared to be two raccoons, and they were feeding them junk food.

“Oh! OH! No, no, stop, don’t do that!” Aziraphale shouted, rushing over, startling the group. “Don’t feed those animals!”

“What’re you freaking about, old man?” One of the young men said, and Aziraphale made a face at being called ‘old man’, how rude some humans could be! He was neither old nor a man! “

“Yeah, they came up to us!” A girl complained. “How could we say no to those li’l faces!”

“Easily.” Crowley stated as he approached. “Look, it’s cute and shit when you see people online feedin’ animals in videos from people involved in animal conservation and stuff. I get that, I love that kinda shit, but you are not qualified to do that. And these are wild animals, they live in the park, they’re not at a center or a zoo, or whatever.”

“Yeah, but, like, they’re totally sweet and nice, came right up to us without a problem. Look, they’re not even sick! They like eating oreos!” Another girl smiled at the two raccoons, who didn’t seem to care at all of what was happening, they were busy munching on the treats left within reach.

Crowley slapped his forehead, dragging his hand down his face. “They’re not allowed to eat that. This is why animals get into the trash cans, which, mind you, are meant to have their lids on them, and are not meant to be left open for any number of animals to get into. You want bears? This is how you get bears! And they will not gently eat outta your hands, they’ll bite ‘em off!”

One of the other boys snorted. “As if we’re gonna listen to a janitor.”

“It’s basic knowledge for all park employees, you dumbass! And for tourists as well!” Crowley looked about ten seconds from screaming at these humans like he did his plants and Aziraphale held up a hand, gently patting it against his human’s chest.

“Here, let me handle this, my dear. I’ll talk some sense into these rowdy children.”

Before anyone could say anything, he turned to the group and smiled, ever so sweetly as he felt the Eye tattoos on his arms warm. “Now, if I were you, I think it would be wise to properly pack up all food items in secured containers, especially meat products. Those can be tied up with a rope and strung up in a tree for easy access for you, but it is difficult access for animals. And I think you should clean up all your trash, disposing of everything properly, without any fussing. Oh, and you owe Crowley here an apology.”

The college students blinked a few times, saying apologies to Crowley, all sounding like they meant it, as they started to pack up their food and trash. Aziraphale smiled sweetly still and then gently shooed off the raccoons, saying that there was probably a yummy blackberry bush a bit away from here just asking for someone to eat its berries. 

He turned to Crowley, who looked a bit gobsmacked. “The hell did you just...”

“I’m very persuasive, Crowley.” Aziraphale flashed him a smile before returning to the trash can. “Come along, love, we’ve got to finish this before our date! We have reservations!” 

--

Crowley probably would have gotten into a fight, because from what my sister told me from her own experience working at a national park, a lot of employees were down to fight tourists. 

[levmada]

you should do a levi ackerman feet analysis /hj

i WOULD in fact be HAPPY to ACTUALLY

i talk a lot about feet in this post and also being attracted to feet so if that bothers you i recommend not clicking ‘read more’ and also not being mean to me about it

first and foremost as a researcher i must address the limited population of my study due to the fact that nowhere in the anime or manga is Levi barefoot. Like catch him in s3p2 at the beach in full uniform😭 Wit, who animated aot for seasons 1-3, rarely VERY rarely made official art with Levi’s barefeet.

(i hate this image he looks like a 12 year old boy)

which isn’t that strange right??? i mean you don’t look at official art expecting to see feet. that means you are normal.

HOWEVER. it is not wit’s lack of Levi feet pics that trouble me. it is Mappa's OVERWHELMING amount of Levi feet pics (these are not all and often he is soaking wet). before i make an analysis, i just had to get that out of the way bc the number of official arts where Levi is barefoot -

literally insane. i’m just saying. not complaining tho

he’s got ankles that could cut throats. do u see how sharp they are.

his second toe is the longest on his foot. the thing that’s crazy is that this is consistent through every official art so in a sense it’s canon that his second toe is the longest on his feet. there’s a name for this and it’s common, but for some people the first toe is the longest. THEY’RE ALL LONG but they’re all very symmetrical. the fucking bone structure. the pronounced knuckles. i would fuxking pay to suck on them. jesus fucking christ

i bet he files his toenails. like even his feet are well-groomed (but are you surprised?) and he doesn’t have those toes that get so tiny by the time you reach the smallest one so that you basically have a claw instead of a toenail. it would be very satisfying to paint them❤️

holy shit the bone structure. the sharp and pronounced and perfectly angular structure of this man’s feet. THE A R C H. LOOK

god i wanna lick them so bad. can i explain why. NO BUT GOD IT’S SO HOT. they’re so fucking arched and pretty. Levi was never drawn in heels bc everyone knew he’d be too powerful.

i would just like to push my tongue through that fuxking arch and suck on his toes. he deserves a massage. i would love to rub his feet and listen to him moan. picturing him admiring his nails after i’ve painted them and hims wiggling his toes. i am so weak.

how big do u think they are. considering Levi's overall size he probably wears women’s size boots and that is so fucking cute.

i fucking love this man’s feet. even his feet are sculpted by the gods. jesus

[jewishbarbies]

Hi! I’m sorry to bother you, but I found your posts by accident and I just have a few thoughts as a fellow Jew (I’m mixed but my matrilineal Jewishness is Jewish Arab/Arab Jewish). This is aimed at the gentiles in your asks, but white USAmericans need to realize that they’ll always be inherently more privileged than Jewish people. Point blank. There’s no real discussion to have in regards to that. And there’s a LOT of commentary and jokes being made from USAmericans (mostly white) that is framing themselves as the victims or centers of this ethnic cleansing and apartheid. They are WHITE. I’m not a fan of them appropriating a lot of the humor or commentaries the actual oppressed and ethnically cleansed peoples are making, because when white gentiles do it it is ABSOLUTELY punching down and antisemitic. Westerners in general need to realize they have systemic power behind their words and actions that inherently disadvantage Jews. I’ve been very vocal about people derailing pro-Palestinian posts, and I’m going to be JUST as vocal about people derailing Jewish people venting about people using Israel as an excuse to voice their already preexisting antisemitic views. My Jewish identity is both Arab and Jewish. They don’t care about Arabs either. The same mayo gentiles beating their chest falsely accusing Jewish people venting, like yourself, of being a Zionist or genocide apologist are the same ones who before this past month was openly anti-Arab around me. So it’s like 🤷🏻‍♂️

White gentiles are not the oppressed in this dynamic, they are the oppressors and they need to start remembering that.

Jewish people halfway across the world shouldn’t be having to constantly condemn Israel in order to be allowed to vent about western antisemitism. Plus, goyim don’t even hide their antisemitism when even I, an anti-Zionist Jew, have been accused of being a Zionist when I’ve called out random white people using antisemitic tropes or imageries. If you want my honest blunt take, white gentiles are frothing at the mouth hoping that Jews, Arab, and Muslims just wipe each other out while they sit back and watch from their ivory towers in the US eating popcorn and scrolling through tiktok. I’ve been very critical of the white supremacy when it’s derailing Palestinian posts (even when done by my fellow Jewish people), and I’m also very critical of the white supremacy when it’s derailing your (or any) posts about antisemitism. I’m not trying to explicitly state the anon is a white supremacist (though I have some concerns), but … I was very annoyed by their implications you’re a closeted Zionist, just because you’re Jewish and venting about the Nazi shit that’s been on the Nazi app, formerly known as Twitter. You’re not derailing posts about the genocide or ethnic cleansing. You’re not even “both siding” genocide, either. You’re just a random Jewish person venting about the western world getting off to the idea of a bunch of Jews dying. A lot of people on here and Twitter aren’t even saying Israelis anymore they’re bluntly saying Jews. And as another Jewish person yourself, I know you’ve seen that vernacular shift first hand, especially judging from your vents.

I’ve had white people on this hellsite defend calling Jewish people they don’t like reptile people because “well Israel is calling Arabs animals” and I had to go “uh excuse you you are WHITE and I’m being dehumanized by both sides so thanks for that.”

It’s inherently antisemitic to police Jewish people being afraid of the rising antisemitism in the west and it’s also disingenuous to erase white gentiles’ and white countries’ involvement in this issue. It doesn’t miss me people are underplaying what white goyim have done and are still doing to contribute to the apartheid and genocide. All of this you’re vent vagueing about is the same exact stuff anti-Zionist Jews have also been complaining about for literal decades.

I’m sorry I ranted for too long, but I wanted to show solidarity with you. I’m sure there’s a lot you and I don’t see eye to eye on (2 Jews, 3 opinions), but at the end of the day I have your back because I know exactly what you’re talking about. No one is going to be antisemitic to you and get away with it 😤😤😤

I am so sorry people are wearing their iron crosses in your asks and Twitter feeds. And I’m sorry for wasting your time with all of this, I just felt you needed another Jew in your corner

thank you so much for taking the time to send this, I really do appreciate it. 🧡

I agree with everything you said here. it’s tiring seeing goyim think they can be apart of jewish conversations and are owed a seat at that table just because they believe all jews are white and therefore all white people are apart of the same group. I don’t expect them to truly understand everything bc how could they while not being jewish themselves, but the basic respect they give to other minorities is all I’m asking and I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

[anti-dazai-blog]

3.1- Any game involving Dazai is rigged (and other complaints)

Me, looking at 6 major unfinished school assignments: haha I could do that later :)

Me, looking at chapter 3 of the BSD manga: I Must Bring Justice To The World Via Anti-Dazai Posts.

[DISCLAIMER: I use a fan translation of the manga for this, so any quotes may not be exactly the same as the official translation]

Chapter 3 is the first chapter in which the majority of Dazai’s crimes are not against Atsushi. However, he still makes sure to do a lot of asshole-ery, so there’s much to write about.

Let’s start off with a small and petty complaint before getting to the bigger issues— Dazai’s first slight offense comes in the form of mocking Kunikida’s act during the entrance exam. Of course lightheartedly roasting your friends is normal. I wouldn’t complain about that alone. Even taking into account Kunikida’s reaction (clear annoyance, not finding it funny), I wouldn’t be complaining about such a small thing. However, it’s the fact that he’s doing this in front of Atsushi— someone who’s practically a stranger to them both— that bothers me.

 Possibly I’m judging by personal standards, but then again, what other standards should I judge by, if not my own? If it were me, I’d be fine with my close friends lightheartedly making fun of me, but if they try to do that when there’s a new person that I don’t know involved in the conversation, I’d be significantly less ok with it. I’m sure many, many people feel the same way. Additionally, Kunikida follows up Dazai’s teasing with “I was told to do that!!”— and he’s right- he was just following his script. A script that, need I remind you, Dazai probably played a significant part in writing.

But Dazai’s just like that. He gets people to act according to his whims, and then mocks them for actually going through with whatever form of humiliation he allotted to them. [That may be a bit dramatic, but. If the shoe fits.., y’know. It’s a commonly occurring thing for him to do, and if the first example is a bit petty, that won’t stop me from pointing it out.]

After that brief exchange, Kunikida asks Dazai to confirm his commitment to looking after Atsushi (something he promised to do in the previous chapter). Dazai ignores him in favor of getting distracted by a waitress, who he’d like to invite to join him in his quest to end his life.

Now, how many times shall I call out all his sexual harassment? Every time he asks a woman to commit double suicide with him? Since Dazai doesn’t actually go through with this, and doesn’t ask the waitress anything, I’ll let him off with only being guilty of Planned Sexual Harrassment. Maybe in some future chapter a woman will finally call the cops on him. That would be great. I would love that. That would be the funniest chapter in BSD. Just imagine it— Dazai asks some lady to commit double suicide, and the woman promptly takes out her phone and calls the police. 

Dazai’s not done harassing Kunikida. Obviously not- he’s never done with that. So when Atsushi asks what everyone’s previous jobs were, Dazai insists that they turn it into a game. They’ll go around the table and he’ll get to guess everyone’s prior profession. The people sitting at this table are Tanizaki, Naomi, Kunikida, and Dazai (and Atsushi of course, but he doesn’t count since he’s the one guessing). Keep that in mind— there are only four non-Atsushis here. This will come up later.

So Atsushi starts with the obvious: Tanizaki and Naomi must both be students. They’re around his age (18), so it’s most likely they have not had a past job prior to joining the agency. 

Of course this leaves Kunikida and Dazai still un-guessed. Dazai prompts Atsushi to guess Kunikida’s job next- which, by the way, is skipping over him [Dazai] in the order of the table. He does this for two reasons: one, to make sure that he gets guessed last, as a sort of dramatic non-reveal, because he likes the attention and likes coming off as mysterious. And two, to make Kunikida uncomfortable. The anime doesn’t show how adamantly against this game Kunikida is, but he truly and genuinely does not want to be playing this. When Dazai prompts Atsushi to guess Kunikida’s old job, Kunikida responds immediately with “STOP, even my former job—”

Atsushi guesses incorrectly and Dazai’s quick to reveal that he was a math teacher. Atsushi is momentarily surprised by this, but Kunikida shuts down any possible questions with “It’s in the past, I don’t want to remember it.”

Does it get any more straightforward than that? He says outright that it’s something he wants to put behind him. From his facial expression and body language he’s clearly very uncomfortable with the conversation. Any decent human being would never purposely bring up a topic that makes their friend this uncomfortable, especially not just for the fun of seeing their friend’s reaction. 

And to make matters worse: let me remind you that there are only four people at this table—- two of which are obvious students (Naomi’s even wearing her uniform!), and therefore there’s nothing to guess with them. One of which is Dazai himself, who has no plans of revealing his prior job. And the last? The last is Kunikida himself. So let me make this clear:

1- There was only one (1) guessable person in the Prior Jobs Guessing Game

2- That person is Kunikida

3- Kunikida is uncomfortable talking about his past

4- Dazai is aware of this

5- Dazai suggested The Game solely for the sake of exploiting this, for his own entertainment.

And as for guessing his own past job— that was an impossible task from the start. Not because he was a mafia executive and people wouldn’t expect that from him— on the contrary, Kunikida says outright that he “already guessed that he was a type of criminal, but he said [Kunikida] was wrong”. The reason no one would guess it is because Dazai’s a liar. That’s it. He already lied about not being a criminal, which eliminates any possibility of him being a mafia executive. It’s impossible to guess because the correct answer has already been ruled incorrect by Dazai himself.

Dazai says the cash prize for the winner is 700,000 yen. Kunikida clearly won when he guessed that Dazai’s a criminal. Dazai owes Kunikida (at least) 700,000 yen. He better pay up. 

The scene ends with Dazai saying “I’ll leave the bill to you”- I’m not sure if he’s talking to Atsushi or Kunikida, but given the context I’ll guess Atsushi. Regardless of who he’s really leaving the bill to, he should probably start paying for his own meals, like the mature adult he’s supposed to be (@ anyone who’s 22+ and reading this— it’s ok, you don’t have to be a mature adult. Only Dazai does. I’m holding Dazai to standards that I’m not holding you to, mainly because when I eventually turn 22 I doubt I’d want to be a mature adult. But Dazai is well aware of how to be a mature adult- after all he was a mafia executive. So he has no excuses for not doing something as basic as paying for his own food with all that mafia money he undeniably has stored away somewhere.)

In conclusion, Dazai is a terror and a menance to society. 

Join me next week after finals when I’ll tell you all about how Dazai causes way more problems than he solves, and if Bungo Stray Dogs was set in a realistic world, he would have been fired a hundred times by now.

<Prev.

[jmbringitonworld]

Good Girl Needs Kiss

AO3 link for those who prefer to read fics there.

I'm supposed to be taking a break from writing. I was just going to post the Dream&Nightmare brotherly bonding oneshot I had just finished (which will now have to wait until I've finished this nonsense), and take a break. But this post by @a-snowpoff popped up on my dash, and the tags immediately gave me this ridiculous idea for a fic, which demanded to be written. So here we are, with my latest mistake.

UPDATE: There will be minor Frans (Frisk x Sans) later, so if that's not your cup of tea, DON'T bother reading this and complaining to me later (seriously, I'm sick of it).

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Chapter 1 : A Doggone Disaster

This entire mess started with a simple, innocent wish, as do most of my bad ideas. I just wanted to be able to communicate with animals, so that I could finally have a proper conversation with my black cat familiar, Midnight. Now don’t get me wrong, I could understand Middy about as well as any cat owner could understand their pet, but my little furball and I had a special connection, as a witch and her familiar! We should be closer than your average pet and their owner! I wanted to be able to ask him why he kept leaving dead mice in my slippers, or why he sometimes stared unblinkingly at the ceiling, when there was nothing there besides cobwebs, or why he’d suddenly start yowling in the middle of the night. And, you know, actually receive a proper answer for once. Did he think my slippers were tiny cauldrons he could use? Were the spiders gossiping about me behind my back? Was he chatting up the local ghosts? I had to know!

So, I did the natural thing, and brewed a potion for understanding animals. Simple. But then I wondered about the potency of the spell. How strong was this ability it would grant me? Would I be able to understand all animals, or only some? It would be awful if it was the former. I didn’t want to be able to hear every single creature that creeped and crawled in my lovely little witch’s cottage, after all. And I definitely didn’t want to listen to the animals getting it on in my backyard, especially not those horny foxes, I heard them enough as it was. So then, how to narrow the effect down? And then it hit me. A love-based enchantment! With that, I would be able to tailor the effects of the spell, to only work on those whom I had especially strong feelings for. Genius. What could possibly go wrong?

What I had failed to take into account, however, was one tiny, crucial detail: I was an utter dumbass , who’d never gotten a single spell right on the first try, and whose magical endeavours were more miss than hit. In my defence, most of my screw-ups were entirely fixable, with the consequences being, at worst, a tad... explodey. Nothing I couldn’t work around or reverse. I would be fine , I told myself, surely .

And so, it was with all the confidence of someone who really should know better, that I downed my smoking, puce-coloured concoction, choking down the thick, goopy mixture, while reflexively supressing the urge to gag, and waited, eagerly, for the magic to kick in. It took a couple of seconds, but then, with a * poof* , my world erupted into smoke. It took a while for my coughing to die down, as the smoke cleared away, but eventually I opened my eyes.

Why was everything so big?

Looking around, I noticed how gigantic my home appeared, as if it’d grown a dozen sizes. Wait a minute . A dreadful thought hit me. What if everything around me hadn’t grown , but instead, I’ d shrunk . Fuck. I looked down at myself. Double fuck. What I saw were two fluffy paws. Not hands. Not feet. Paws . Trying to turn around, I stumbled, losing my balance, and fell over, landing in a mass of soft fabric. It took me a little while to realise that those were my official witch robes. I’d become so small, that my clothes no longer fit me. I was completely naked, on top of being much shorter and fluffier than normal. Lovely.

It took a lot of stumbling, shuffling and tripping, but I eventually managed to coordinate all of my limbs enough to make my way over to my floor-length mirror. My jaw dropped at the image which greeted me.

I was a dog.

And not just any dog. A chihuahua . Well, fuck me .

It’s not that I hated dogs, per se, but being a self-respecting witch, I obviously preferred cats. I did get on quite well with my local wolf pack, but that was about it. And now I’d managed to turn myself into a dog. No, a chihuahua . Those nasty, yappy little blighters some weird women liked to carry around in their purses and dress up in ridiculous outfits. Why couldn’t I have been a husky, or a German Shepherd, or something a little more dignified, and a little less... this ? Urgh...

A dark shadow fell over me. Startled, I looked up and realised that Midnight had managed to sneak up on me, without my notice.

“You stealthy bugger, this is all your fault!” I told him.

Or at least, I tried to. But all that came out of my mouth were several high-pitched barks. Oh right, I’m a dog now. Midnight tilted his head at me, studying me with the same intense look of curiosity he wore when examining some new toy I’d gotten for him. He sniffed me, his long whiskers tickling my face and making my nose twitch, then meowed at me. I stared at him. No. No, it couldn’t be. I couldn’t have screwed up this badly! He meowed again. Oh. My. Stars .

I howled (literally) in rage, as I realised that, not only had I been transformed into a dog, not only was I a fucking chihuahua of all things, but I still could not understand a single damn thing my cat was saying! All that work, all those ingredients, all this humiliation and inconvenience I was currently suffering! It was all for nothing ! Could this debacle get any worse?!

As if to answer my hypothetical question, and add salt to my proverbial wounds, Midnight turned his back to me and sauntered away, his long, black tail waving in the air, as if to bid me goodbye. Traitor! Don’t abandon me when I’m at my lowest! We’re supposed to be partners! Come back heeeeere! But my heartless bastard of a cat merely leapt through an open window, with all the grace and agility my clumsy, canine body could only dream of, and disappeared from view. I was officially alone.

Well, fine. Fine , then. I didn’t need anyone. I could fix this, on my own. I was a big girl and a competent witch, right? Wrong , my mind whispered, but I promptly shoved that unhelpful thought aside, and focused on trying to find a solution to my current predicament. First things first, what went wrong? As I pondered that question, I thought back to the lessons my mother, a famed sorceress in her own right, had taught me as a child. All spells were inherently tricky, she would say, no matter how simple they seemed, and it was best to never overcomplicate them, as any number of things could affect a spell’s outcome.

So, perhaps some of the ingredients hadn’t reacted the way I’d expected? Was it the eye of newt that was the problem? Or did I put in too much bat saliva? Maybe I should’ve added some extra frogspawn, to stabilise the mixture a bit more? Hmmm... Oh! I suddenly remembered how my mother had advised me to avoid combining different magical mediums, as it was always difficult to predict how they’d interact with each other, even if their normal effects seemed very straightforward. I guess I shouldn’t have added that enchantment to my potion. Oops. To be fair, my mother did it all the time, but then again, she was an experienced witch and master spellcaster, while I was... not. Yet , at least. But someday, I would be! If I ever managed to return to human form, that is.

I sighed, feeling my ears droop and my tail lower to the floor. But I didn’t allow myself to wallow in self-pity for too long, as I soon pulled myself together and shook my head, my entire body following suit. Okay, think . How do I undo the spell? Well, enchantments were generally easier to break than trying to reverse a potion’s effects, every witch knew that, so I should try to figure out how to do that . The enchantment I’d placed on the potion was based on feelings of love. So perhaps it was those same feelings of love which would break the spell? An idea started to form in my mind.

What about true love’s kiss?

That broke most curses, after all, and what was a curse if not a malicious enchantment? And love was the most powerful magic in the world, with a kiss from one’s true love being the single most effective cure to most unwanted spells. I nodded my head decisively, my overlarge ears flapping with the motion. Love got me into this mess, so love would get me out of it! There was only one problem. I didn’t have a true love.

Being a witch was a full-time job, after all, and a mysterious and often dangerous one at that, with many unforeseen consequences. Case in point: me. A dog. The point was, I hadn’t had the chance to get out much and socialise with the general populace, and hadn’t been on many (read: any) dates. So, I would need to find someone to fall in love with me and give me a kiss. I looked down at my very fluffy paws. While being a dog, I mentally added. How the hell was I supposed to get someone to fall for me as a chihuahua?

I bit my lip, or rather, I tried to, and just ended up baring my teeth in a growl. Well... Maybe it didn’t have to be romantic love? I did specify my platonic love for my cat, when creating the enchantment, so maybe that same, warm, fuzzy adoration for one’s pet would be enough to break the spell? I dearly hoped so. It was either that, or find a zoophile, and I really wasn’t too keen on the latter. So, I needed to find a shmuck- uh, I meant, a kind soul who loved dogs, and who would take one look at my, erm, cute , tiny, fluffy self, and love me enough to kiss me. And then, poof! I’d be back to normal! Easy peasy.

I grinned as best as my doggy mouth would allow me (which probably still just looked like a grimace). What a foolproof plan! All I needed to do was to put it into action. And the best place to find a dog lover, was the dog park. With my tail automatically starting to wag, and consequently shaking my entire body, given how tiny I was, I got to my feet, uh, paws, and made the long, arduous trek to the nearest dog park.

~~~

It took me the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon, as I slowly got used to walking on all fours, but eventually I arrived at my destination. The change in my body was more apparent than ever, as a tidal wave of intense and unfamiliar scents assailed my now incredibly sensitive nose. I stood, frozen in place, as my brain went into overdrive trying to process all these new smells. I hadn’t been this overwhelmed since the first time I entered my mother’s study as a child, and discovered all of her mysterious and mystifying arcane instruments, and all of her ancient tomes filled with esoteric knowledge.

As I stared out at the wide expanse of grass in front of me, and all of the people walking and running around, playing with their pooches, I realised that I could still see the same variety of colour as I could as a human. It seemed that I hadn’t acquired dogs’ dichromatic vision along with their keen sense of smell. Thank my guardian stars for small mercies...

Just then, a flash of white bone crossed my field of vision and something in my doggy brain pinged . Before I realised what was happening, I was already running at full speed towards it and, once I was near enough, I launched myself into the air, jaws wide open and closed them around the hard, white osseous matter.

“YOWCH!!!”

I barely had time to process that almost earsplittingly loud exclamation of pain, before gigantic hands came around my body and firmly yanked me off of the bone I’d just bitten into. Those hands then carried me up, up, up into the air and came to a stop in front of a skull. Said skull proceeded to glare at me, in a way human skulls definitely couldn’t , and started talking.

“YOU MALEVOLENT MUTT! I KNOW THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM IRRESISTIBLE. HOWEVER! MY BONES ARE NOT FOR EATING!! SO IN FUTURE, PLEASE DEVOUR ME WITH YOUR EYES! AND NOT WITH YOUR MOUTH!!”

As his abnormally loud voice washed over me, the realisation dawned on me, then, that I’d just bitten a skeleton monster. Like some rabid animal . How utterly mortifying... Without conscious thought, my ears drooped down, flattening themselves against my head, and my tail tucked itself between my legs. I could feel my eyes widening and my body trembling, as the most pathetic, high-pitched whimpers I’d ever heard, escaped my mouth.

The monster’s expression visibly softened, against all laws of skeletal anatomy, and he sighed heavily, despite being a literal skeleton. Monsters were honestly fascinating , maybe I could persuade this one to let me examine him in the future. Once I’d returned to normal, of course. Ignorant of my inner thoughts, the monster lowered me back to the ground, and gently pet my head.

“OH, NEVER MIND, LITTLE ONE,” he smiled brightly at me, the sunshine glinting off of his pearly white teeth. “I FORGIVE YOU! I AM AN UNDERSTANDING SKELETON, AFTER ALL. I’M SURE THAT YOU DIDN’T MEAN TO HURT ME. YOU OBVIOUSLY COULDN’T CONTROL YOUR URGE TO HAVE A TASTE, WHEN PRESENTED WITH SUCH FINE BONES! I UNDERSTAND! BUT PLEASE!! BE A BIT MORE CAREFUL IN THE FUTURE, OKIE DOKIE?”

And with that, he gave me another few gentle pats to my head, causing my tail to instinctually start wagging wildly, shaking my whole body with the force of the motion, and he stood up. As he walked away, I felt compelled to chase after him. Some primal part of me recognised a kind heart when it saw it, and wanted more of this nice stranger’s wonderful head pats. If the skeleton monster, Papyrus as he’d called himself, noticed me, he gave no indication, continuing his march through the park at a brisk pace, and swivelling his skull around as if searching for something or someone.

After what I estimated was about ten minutes of trailing along behind him, I started to slow down, my limbs growing unbearably heavy and my muscles aching, as my exhaustion from the day’s events finally caught up with me. Coming to a halt, I collapsed onto the grass, panting heavily, and watched Papyrus’s form get further and further away from me. Distress gripped my heart. No! Please don’t go! Don’t leave me! I cried out to his retreating back, and sharp, keening wails filled the air in place of words.

Papyrus froze, before swiftly turning around and marching right back to me. Stopping in front of my prone, tired body, he crouched down to caress my fur with long, gentle strokes.

“WHAT’S THE MATTER, FRIEND?” my ears perked up at the name, and at the warm tone of his voice. My tail began to wag, though much more sluggishly than before, and Papyrus smiled down at me. “YOU’VE BEEN FOLLOWING ME FOR A WHILE NOW. DO YOU WISH TO JOIN ME AND HELP ME SEARCH FOR MY OWN, LOST DOG? HE’S RUN OFF, AGAIN , THAT PERNICIOUS PUP! AND I’M LOOKING FOR HIM. I WOULD APPRECIATE THE COMPANY.”

Yes! I very much would like to join you! I wanted to tell him, but my delighted barks and yips conveyed my meaning well enough. Papyrus seemed to take them for the affirmation that they were, and stood up, looking down at me with a warmth that made my tail wag.

“GOOD GIRL, YOU’RE JUST LOST AREN’T YOU?” he asked me, tone soft and pitying.

He wasn’t wrong, though not in the way he meant it. I weakly tried to stand up, to walk with him once more, but my tired legs could no longer support my body, and I slumped back to the ground. Papyrus frowned down at me, his expression worried.

“OH NO! ARE YOU TIRED, GIRL?”

Without waiting for a response, not that I could really offer one in my state, the tall skeleton picked me up again and tucked me into the crook of the arm not holding a leash. Immediately, I was surrounded by the smell of snow and... spaghetti? It was oddly pleasant, and so comforting, soothing my soul like the greatest calming draught in the world. I snuggled closer into his hold, woofing softly in relief. Satisfied that I was secure and comfortable, Papyrus resumed his search.

From such a high vantage point (goodness, he really was tall, wasn’t he?), I could see far into the distance, though I tried my best not to look down. The height really was dizzying. Being this close to Papyrus, I could hear him grumble to himself.

“I BET THAT MEDDLING CANINE FOUND A STASH OF DOG SLIME TO ROLL AROUND IN!! THIS WOULD BE THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK! JUST HOW MANY BATHS DO I NEED TO GIVE ONE DOG IN A WEEK…”

He then peered down at me, giving me a considering look. I yipped in his arms, my tongue sticking out as my tail wagged at the attention. Ah crap, these doggy instincts were getting stronger...

“CERTAINLY YOU’D KEEP CLEAN IF I BATHED YOU,” he continued to think aloud.

Well of course I would! Dog slime is not for rolling around in! It’s for adding to witchy brews, to curse someone with the compulsion to chase squirrels and bark at strangers! I huffed at him, offended at the very idea of doing such a thing, and something about my expression or my demeanour must have tickled his funny bone, because he tilted his skull back and laughed.

“NYEH HEH HEH! OF COURSE YOU WOULD! YOU’RE A GOOD GIRL, AREN’T YOU?”

I am! I barked out, feeling proud of myself, inexplicably. Blessed stars, I really have turned into a dog, haven’t I? Hopefully these canine thoughts don’t get any worse. I prayed that the effects of my botched spell were entirely reversible...

After almost an hour of fruitless searching, Papyrus came to a stop, sighing loudly and slumping his shoulders.

“NYOO HOO HOO... DESPITE MY VERY BEST EFFORTS, I HAVE FAILED TO FIND MY DOG... AND IT IS GETTING LATE. I NEED TO RETURN HOME AND PREPARE DINNER. I CANNOT LET MY BROTHER STARVE, BECAUSE OF MY TARDINESS!! I SHALL RETURN HOME, COOK DINNER, AND THEN RETURN TO CONTINUE MY SEARCH! AND I WON’T STOP LOOKING UNTIL I’VE FOUND THAT DOG! EVEN IF IT TAKES ME ALL NIGHT!!”

Papyrus looked really fired up, sparks of light shining in his dark eye sockets, as he clenched the fist not holding me. Then, he glanced down at me, his brows furrowing fretfully.

“AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, LITTLE LADY?” he asked, as if I could answer him. “DO YOU HAVE A HOME TO RETURN TO? A KIND AND LOVING FAMILY THAT IS MISSING YOU RIGHT NOW?”

At that, I thought back to Midnight, and how he’d left me, all on my own, without so much as a backward glance. I complained aloud. I should’ve gotten a toad, instead, or an owl! Those would be more loyal. Less cuddly, though... I miss my kitty ...

Papyrus must’ve taken my shrill, puppy whines as an admission of loneliness, for he quickly cuddled my body closer to his, running one phalange through my fur and scratching me under my chin. Oh. That felt rather nice, actually. Yes, more of that please .

“IT’S ALRIGHT, TINY MISS! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS ,  SHALL BE YOUR FRIEND!! YOU MAY STAY WITH MY BROTHER AND I FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIKE! I PROMISE TO CARE FOR YOU JUST AS WELL AS I DO WITH MY OTHER DOG! AND MAYBE YOU COULD TEACH HIM A FEW MANNERS ALONG THE WAY...”

I most certainly could! I’m very polite, I’ll have you know, and am very well-mannered! Just ask the bats living in my roof.

Papyrus beamed at my excited barking, taking in my wagging tail with delight, his eye sockets lighting up once more.

“WOWIE!! I HAVE MADE ANOTHER CANINE FRIEND! AND HOPEFULLY ONE WHO WON’T STEAL MY SPECIAL ATTACKS!”

I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but I gave him another happy bark anyway. He beamed even harder, letting out another loud “nyeh heh heh”, and took off again, with long, decisive steps, towards the car park. When we arrived, Papyrus came to an abrupt halt in front of a sleek, bright red convertible, where a small, white dog was sitting in the passenger’s seat.

“YOU!! HAVE BEEN HERE!! ALL THIS TIME?!?!”

Papyrus stamped his foot angrily, while the white dog only wagged his tail and gave a few high-pitched yips. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the dog looked almost smug. The dog seemed to take notice of me and leaned forwards eagerly, barking excitedly and wagging his tail harder. Papyrus stopped fuming, then, and held me out towards the other dog, who proceeded to start sniffing me curiously.

“LOOK!! I HAVE FOUND US ANOTHER FRIEND! SHE’LL BE LIVING WITH US FROM NOW ON, SO BE GOOD, OKAY?”

The little white dog barked again, which Papyrus seemed to take as agreement, if his pleased “nyeh heh heh” was anything to go by. He carefully placed me next to the white dog, and rounded the car to take the driver’s seat. As Papyrus started up the car and drove us out of the dog park, my canine companion had clearly decided that I was sufficiently friend-shaped, as he then did his level best to completely cover me in dog slobber. It reminded me of that time a client had asked me to commune with the spirit of her recently deceased wife, who’d then gone on to nearly drown me in ghostly ectoplasm, because I’d misread the incantation, and caused the spirit to believe I was trying to flirt with her, in front of her widow. Ah, good times...

~~~

By the time Papyrus parked his car in front of a large, two-story house, the sun had well and truly set. Exiting his car, the skeleton monster reached over and plucked me out of my seat, cradling me in his arms once more, while the white dog chose to make his escape, leaping out of his seat and dashing through the small dog flap installed in the front door. Papyrus paid him no mind, and made his way into his home, kicking open the door with one foot and loudly announcing his arrival.

“SANS!!! I’M HOME!! AND I’VE BROUGHT A NEW FRIEND!!”

A skull, rounder than Papyrus’s, peaked out from the couch, grinning widely at us.

“oh really? heh, good for you, bro,” his voice was lower and deeper than the taller skeleton’s, and his eyelights looked around for a second, before zeroing in on me when Papyrus held me out in front of him.

“I FOUND THIS SWEET, LITTLE LADY AT THE DOG PARK. SHE WAS NICE ENOUGH TO HELP ME LOOK FOR THAT MISCHIEVOUS PUP WHEN HE RAN OFF, SO I’VE OFFERED TO LET HER STAY WITH US, SINCE SHE HAS NOWHERE TO GO.”

I gave a little woof, putting on my best innocent little angel face, but I wasn’t sure how well that translated on my new chihuahua face. I hoped I wasn’t grimacing like some demented gremlin. But Sans’s grin widened and his eye sockets crinkled at the edges, as he stared at Papyrus’s proud smile.

“that sure was kind of ya, pap. you’re so cool,” his tone was sincere and there was genuine affection in both his expression and his voice. It was clear to me that these two (brothers, right?) were very close. Papyrus did his “nyeh heh heh” laugh again, which I had to admit was really starting to grow on me, before lowering me to the floor, giving me one last head pat, then striding off to an adjacent room. Not wanting to be left alone with a stranger, I ran after him, following him into what I could only assume was the kitchen.

What proceeded was the most intense cooking session I’d ever borne witness to. Papyrus was a very passionate individual, that much was abundantly clear, and he seemed to put his all into everything he did, at least when it pertained to cooking. Ingredients were tossed around like he was launching attacks, and he never stayed in one spot for too long, hopping from one place to another, as if he was dancing to a tune only he could hear.

He was definitely enjoying himself, if his loud laughing and gleeful grin were anything to go by, and his enthusiasm was infectious. I couldn’t help cheering him on, in my own doggy way, and he seemed to take it positively, his movements becoming more frenzied as I barked and howled. He even started to add dramatic flourishes whenever possible, and shot me the occasional wink, as I wagged my tail like never before. When I started spinning around, barking madly, no longer able to contain my energy, Papyrus laughed even harder, the sound filling the room and probably the entire house.

The sound of deep, rumbling laughter caught my attention, and I spun around towards it. Sans was leaning against the door frame, bright eyelights taking in the scene with obvious delight.

“you guys seem to be havin’ a lotta fun in here,” his voice was full of amusement at our antics, fondness clear in his expression as he gazed at the two of us. Papyrus turned to face his brother, striking a pose with his hands on his hipbones and his long, red scarf fluttering behind him, despite the lack of a breeze.

“NYEH HEH HEH HEH!! INDEED WE ARE!! I’M GLAD TO HAVE FOUND A FELLOW COOKING ENTHUSIAST!! IT IS SO WONDERFUL TO HAVE SUCH AN APPRECIATIVE AUDIENCE FOR ONCE!!”

A beep went off, and Papyrus beamed.

“AND YOU ARE RIGHT ON TIME, BROTHER! DINNER IS READY!”

And in a flurry of movement, Papyrus plated up two heaping helpings of mouthwatering spaghetti. That would explain why both he and his entire house smelled so strongly of the pasta dish. It was plainly obvious that it was a favourite of his. He then set both plates on the table in the nearby dining room, before filling up two small bowls with dog food. When he placed the bowls on the floor, the fluffy white dog seemed to materialise out of thin air, given how suddenly he appeared, and launched himself at the nearest bowl, tucking into the dog food with gusto. Meanwhile, I could only eye the dog food with distaste. That was another thing that hadn’t transferred over to my new form: I didn’t have the same tastes as a real dog.

With only one option left, I pattered over to Papyrus and started pawing at his leg, whimpering as sadly as I could manage. When he looked down at me, I willed my eyes to widen into irresistibly adorable puppy dog eyes (much easier in my current body). Feed me , I tried to convey to him, I’m naught but a poor, hungry little pupper, begging for some scraps . He seemed to get the message, his skull taking on a look of pity.

“HAS THE DELECTABLE SMELL OF MY SPAGHETTI ROBBED YOU OF YOUR APPETITE FOR LESSER FOODS?” at my answering * bork! *, he nodded his skull gravely. “IT’S UNDERSTANDABLE. I SHOULD HAVE PREDICTED THIS! I’M SORRY, MY LITTLE LADY, FOR NOT NOTICING SOONER! HERE!! TAKE MY PLATE! THERE’S PLENTY LEFT, SO EAT ALL YOU LIKE! AND DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME. I SHALL GET MYSELF ANOTHER PLATE!”

He deposited his plate in front of me, and I wasted no time in digging in. Despite the show he’d made of cooking it, and all of his exaggerated actions, the spaghetti was surprisingly delicious. Papyrus clearly knew what he was doing in the kitchen and was a more masterful chef than he initially seemed. I resolved to have more faith in him in the future, he definitely deserved it.

When we’d all finished eating (my portion of dog food having been devoured by the other dog, much to Papyrus’s dismay), Sans retired to his bedroom, bidding his brother goodnight and yawning widely, while the white dog curled up in his basket in the living room. Papyrus made me a little nest of blankets and pillows, promising to get me my own dog bed in the morning. With one last, full body pet and a few extra ear scritches, he too retreated to his bedroom on the upper floor, turning off all the lights as he went.

With the room now plunged into total darkness, I tried to make myself as comfortable as possible within my temporary bed, and closed my eyes. Today had taken many, very unexpected turns, but for every dark cloud, there was a silver lining, and mine was meeting Papyrus. I’d known him less than a day, but he’d already found his way into my heart and had built himself a permanent home there, I was sure of it. He was so kind to me, despite the less-than-ideal way I’d introduced myself, and had a high-spirited magnetism that I couldn’t take my eyes off. Something about him drew me inexorably to him, and being a witch, I knew not to ignore fate when she showed her hand so clearly. This skeleton monster was the one who would break my spell and return me to my true form, I was certain of that.

As sleep was beginning to claim me, a sudden sound snapped me right back to full consciousness. Now fully alert, I scanned my surroundings for the source of the noise, and spied two yellow, luminescent eyes by the open window, glowing like floating lanterns in the darkness. I almost yelped in alarm, before I realised that I recognised those eyes. Midnight! You’ve come back to me!

I shot up and ran towards him, as he silently alighted on the floor. The black cat gave me a few sniffs, before bumping his nose against mine in greeting, blinking slowly at me. If my eyes could tear up, they would’ve, given how relieved I was at being reunited with my beloved familiar. Things really were looking up, after all!

But then the white dog apparently noticed our new visitor, and trotted over. The two animals seemed to take an instant liking to each other, sniffing each other thoroughly and circling each other like two excited children playing together. The two then pranced off, beginning an impromptu game of tag and proceeding to completely ignore my presence.

I stared in disbelief at my traitorous familiar, who had once again abandoned me, to go play with a stupid dog . I growled at him. You asshole! How dare you forsake me! Again! See if I give you any more catnip from now on! I swore that, as soon as I returned to human form, the first thing I would do was use a laser pointer to make that jerk run head-first into a wall...

Eventually, the racket from the animals’ playtime, and my aggrieved wails, woke up Papyrus, who stomped down the stairs, turning the lights on, and glaring at us with his arms crossed.

“COME NOW, I KNOW WE’VE ALL HAD AN EXCITING DAY, BUT-” he cut himself off as he spotted the black cat amongst us. Blinking, he approached the intruder and knelt down beside him. “OH HELLO THERE! WELCOME TO SCENIC OUR HOUSE! I’M NOT USED TO HAVING VISITORS OVER AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT, BUT YOU SEEM TO BE A FRIEND OF MY ANNOYING DOG, SO YOU’RE VERY WELCOME HERE, OF COURSE!”

I whined my complaint at the fact that Midnight was supposed to be my friend, not the dog’s. Papyrus reached out towards my cat and picked him up, scrutinising him carefully. He peered closely at Midnight’s collar and squinted his eye sockets at the tag.

“OH! SO YOUR NAME IS MIDNIGHT! WELL THEN, MR. MIDNIGHT, YOU’RE MORE THAN WELCOME TO STAY HERE FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIKE! ANY FRIEND OF MY PET’S IS A FRIEND OF MINE!”

I grumbled to myself, as Papyrus put my cat back down, and barked angrily when Middy once more ignored me in favour of pouncing on that white dog, tackling him to the floor and proceeding to wrestle with him. Papyrus beamed at their playful tussle, but I turned away, padding over to the corner of the room, facing the wall, and started howling my misery for all the world to hear. I was distraught , and godamitall I was gonna express that!

I abruptly stopped crying when I was lifted unceremoniously into the air, and pressed into hard bones. It took me a moment to realise what had happened, but once I’d processed the fact that Papyrus was hugging me, I calmed down against my will. The tall skeleton’s embrace was tight enough that I could feel his attempt to comfort me, but he didn’t squeeze me so tightly that it hurt. Papyrus had always made sure to never hurt me, no matter what.

“AWWW... POOR GIRL... YOU MUST HAVE FELT SO LONELY, SEEING THE OTHER TWO PLAYING TOGETHER, WITHOUT YOU,” his voice was softer than I thought it capable of, and it helped soothe the sting I felt at my familiar preferring another’s company over mine. “BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU THREE CAN’T STILL ALL BE FRIENDS! IT’S ALWAYS MORE FUN TO HAVE MORE FRIENDS!”

But something in my expression must have clued him in to how little his words appeased me. He sighed, then offered me a gentle, reassuring smile.

“IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM, THEN THAT’S OKAY TOO!! NOT EVERYONE CAN OR SHOULD BE FRIENDS, AND YOU SHOULD NEVER FORCE YOURSELF TO LIKE SOMEONE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO!!” then his expression brightened. “AND NO MATTER WHAT, I’LL ALWAYS BE YOUR GOOD FRIEND!! YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON THE GREAT PAPYRUS TO BE THE VERY BESTEST OF BEST FRIENDS!! AND THE VERY COOLEST OF COOL DUDES!! NYEH HEH HEH!!”

I couldn’t have stopped my tail from wagging if my life depended on it. This guy never failed to lift my spirits. At my joyful yipping and yapping, Papyrus pet my head, and then, instead of putting me back down, he carried me in his arms up the stairs, flicking off the lights, and entered the first room we came across.

My eyes could barely make anything out in the darkness, but as we came closer, I could see that his bed was shaped like a racing car. It felt incredibly fitting. Papyrus lied down on his bed, placing me on his sternum, and lifted his blanket up to cover us up to my neck. With both of us tucked into his bed, the monster rested one large, skeletal hand on my back, and I relaxed under its comforting weight.

“MY MISCHIEVOUS DOG SOMETIMES SNEAKS INTO MY BED WHILE I’M RESTING, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN I SHOO HIM OUT. HIS PAWS ARE SO COLD! IT’S AWFUL!!” his frown softened into a smile as the hand on my back started stroking me, up and down, very gently. “BUT NOT YOU. YOU’RE VERY WARM, AREN’T YOU? SOFT AND WARM AND CUDDLY. MY GOOD GIRL.”

As his sweet words of praise drifted into my ears, I closed my tired eyes and snuggled closer to Papyrus. Below me, I could feel a gentle thrumming, soft pulses of warmth and magic, which made something in my chest, something my witch training had taught me was my soul, answer back with its own light humming. It was these tender feelings which followed me into my dreams that night.

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This was supposed to be a oneshot, but it expanded without my consent, and I've had to concede to making it a twoshot. I pray it doesn't grow any more than that, because I really don't want to make this any longer than it needs to be. It's just supposed to be a short, silly, occasionally sweet, fic. Not some massive project I don't have the energy for. Next (and hopefully last) chapter should be out within a week, unless real life screws me over (again), and then I'm going to hibernate for a while and not even think about writing for the next few centuries. I can't wait （；´д｀）ゞ

Chapter 2 / Chapter 3