#also all the work i can get takes stress away from how i'll survive the summer

[houkagokappa]

Ehehehe I got a job offer from my employer from last year. It feels great to know that she genuinely appreciated having me around

[thegeeksideofsr]

Midnight Snack

Summery: Nate's daughter' period is a pain, literally and figuratively. Sent home to relax, and receives a late night visitor.

A/n: This is entirely self indulgence. I was on my period, had cramps and wanted cuddles. But alas. I am single. So this was made. Eliot might be a little OOC, but whatever. It's fluffy.

The kitchen is a buzz with activity. Kate works with the pastry chef and over sees the line cooks prepping at their stations, the prep cooks prepare ingredients and portioning them out, and the bussers setting tables up.

I sit at the bar talking with the sommelier, Alice, and bartender, Duncan, about the wine list, the drinks available, and the influx of minors trying to buy alcohol.

I try to pay attention to them, but my cramps are taking over, going from my waist to my lower back, I run a hand along my abdomen, trying to soothe the pain.

"Boss, you ok?" Duncan asks.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine, hun," Alice pipes in. " You look like you are going to be sick or pass out."

"I am fine," I stress. " It's just cramps. I've had them before and I'll have them again. Now the wine list-"

"Boss!" Yells Kate comes out of the kitchen in a trot. " Do you still want to do the- whoa! You look like shit!"

"Thanks, Kate. Just what every girl want to hear."

"Sorry, but you do." She turns to Duncan and Alice, "What'd you two do to her?"

"Nothing!" They exclaim.

"She has cramps and insists she's fine even though she looks awful." Alice's explains.

Kate turns to me, "You want to go home? I can hold down the fort."

"I can't. It's a Friday night, I can't leave you guys here while I'm at home."

"Ok, but how much help are you going to be of you are in pain all night. Have you taken anything?"

I nod. "Forty minutes ago. They haven't touched it."

"Well then I am pulling Soue Chef rank and sending you home." Kate's hand in her hips and a determined look on her face.

"I don't think that's a thing." Duncan mutters.

She ignores him and squints at me. "I will call your father and tell him you aren't talking care of you self."

I squint back.

"You wouldn't."

She reaches into her pocket, pull her phone out and opens to his contact. Her finger hovers over the call button.

"If you don't agree to go home in the next ten seconds I will call him." She says calmly then begins to count down.

I look to Duncan and Alice.

Duncan raises his hand in defense,"I'm not getting in the middle of Kate and one of her missions. I know better."

Alice shrugs. "While I don't agree with her tactics, you need a break. You have been here almost everyday for the past three months."

I glare at them. "Traitors."

"Five, four, three" Kate's finger hovers closer to the screen.

"Fine! I'll go home!" I relent. " What are you, twelve? Threatening to call my dad."

Kate shrugs as she put her phone away.

"It worked though. What's that say about you?"

I roll my eyes as I slide of the stool. "I hate you."

"I know."

I head to my office to get my phone and some paperwork, then to the wall of lockers in the back for the rest of my stuff.

I explain to the kitchen crew that I'm not feeling well and that Kate is sending me home, they all nod in understanding as they have also experienced her mothering, then stop at the bar again on my way out.

"Call me if you need me," I tell the trio. " I can still -"

"We will survive until Monday," Alice assures.

"Monday?"

"We discussed it," Kate nods, and gestures to the pair next to her. "And decided you need a vacation. You make sure this place runs smoothly and that everyone is ok. It's time you took care of yourself."

The thoughtfulness is touching, and she is right, a break would be nice.

"If you're sure."

"Go!" The three practically yell.

"Ok, ok I'm going."

I head towards the door, wave one last time, then open the door.

"Call the guy you told me about!" Kate yells after me. " The one with blue eyes!"

"What guy?" Duncan asks, a protective tone to his voice.

I roll my eyes and head to my car.

**********************************************"

Once in my apartment I go for a hot shower, hot as I can stand. My cramps are a bit better, but not gone, and the heat of the shower helps.

After the shower come the comfy pants, my favorite sweatshirt, and fuzzy socks.

I make my way to the kitchen and make a cup of tea. I place a bean bag in the microwave and turn it on for a few minutes to heat up.

Once it's done, I grab my mug and bean bag, then head to the couch turning off lights as I go.

Once in the living room I grab the remote and place it on the side table next to my mug, before placing the bean bag on my lower belly then tuck my blanket in around me.

I turn the TV on and pull up my comfort show, volume turned down low.

Cool autumn air flows in from the window, cracked open for fresh air, fairy lights line the ceiling of the living room casting a warm glow.

After half an hour my phone vibrates on the side table, my Dad's name across the screen.

I pick it up to answer.

"Hey, Dad. How are you?"

"Hey, kiddo. I wanted to check in, haven't heard from you in a while. Didn't expect you to pick up. Was gonna leave a message because you were working."

"I'm fine. Just busy with work. I wasn't feeling well so Kate sent me home," I explain.

"Are you okay?" His voice full of concern.

"I'm fine. Nothing a good nights sleep won't fix." I assure him. "I'm sorry I haven't called you or come by, but you and the team seemed busy. The last time I saw you all Eliot looked like he when toe to toe with a moose and lost."

"Yeah, we have been rather busy, but that doesn't excuse us not spending time together."

"I know, but it's not a big deal. We both have been busy. It happens. And what you and the team are doing is good work, I don't want to get in the way. The least I can do is feed you when I have the opportunity."

He goes quiet, neither of us speak for a moment.

"Can you come over tomorrow? Just us. So we can catch up?"

I smile. "Of course! What time do you want me there?"

"Ten?"

"Ten is perfect. I-"

I hear a yell in the background, I think is Eliot . Dad yells back that he's on his way.

"I have to go, kiddo. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you too, Dad. I'll see you tomorrow."

We hang up, I set my phone down again and go back to my show.

I start to dose after a few episodes. My bean bag long since cooled, but the blanket keeps the heat in. Thankfully the cramps have subsided.

A knock on my door breaks through the quiet.

A groan leaves me. I extract myself from my cocoon, keeping my blanket wrapped around me as I trudge to the door.

I look through the peap hole, to find Eliot on the other side.

Confusion floods me as I unlock and open the door.

"Eliot?" I ask him. "What are you doing here this late."

"Nate said you weren't feelin' well." He lift his arm, showing off a fabric bag. "I brought this."

"What is it?"

"Can I come in?"

I nod, stepping out of the way.

He step past me to stand in the entrance awkwardly while I lock the door.

I turn to him. He looks out of place in my cozy apartment. His leather jacket and hoodie over a Henley, work boots and blue jeans.

He in turn looks at me. Reminding me that I'm wearing a blanket as a cape and fuzzy socks.

"Where's your kitchen?" He asks.

"Down on the left." I gesture towards the kitchen.

He nods, goes to take a step but hesitates.

"Should I take my boots off?" He asks.

I look down to his rather dirty boots, then back to his face.

"Would you mind?"

He shakes his head.

"I can take the bag to the kitchen if you'd like."

He hands it to me hesitantly, then bends to unlace his boots.

I head to the kitchen, "Make yourself at home," I call over my shoulder.

I place the bag on the counter, then turn my kettle on for another cup of tea, or hot chocolate. That would be good too.

Foot steps pull me from my thoughts as Eliot comes to the counter and start to pull items from the bag to lay on the counter.

Two tupperware of something, two quart jars of what looked like broth, and a tub of my favorite ice cream.

"Can I borrow your kitchen?" He asks, leaning against the counter next to the items he laid out.

"Depends. What are you making?"

He opens and sets down one of the tupperware to reveal scrambled eggs and small bits of cooked chicken, repeating with the next container to reveal small elbows pasta.

"My mom's chicken noodle soup. Homemade broth is what makes it so good. Fixes any ailment you got."

Oh that sounded good.

"Eliot, as sweet as this is and how good it sounds, I don't think that soup will help me right now."

He shrugs. "Never know till ya try it. How ya feelin' any way?"

I hesitate and look away from him.

He steps closer, his hands rest on my arms, heat radiating through the blanket around my shoulders.

"What is it?" He asks.

"My period. The cramps have been really bad today. Kate made me go home because I looked like I was going pass out. I was fine, but it was nice to relax for a while."

"Have you taken anything for them?"

I nod. " Some meds. And a hot shower and a heated bean bag. It's fine though, you didn't have to come over."

He shakes his head, "I don't mind. Are you cramping now?"

"The meds are wearing off," I check the clock on the stove, "I can take more in half an hour."

"Alright. When's the last time you ate?"

That question makes me pause. Thinking back, I wasn't hungry when I got home, or after my shower, so that ment the last meal would have been lunch with Alice and Kate. Considering it was ten-thirty , it had been about eleven hours. Yikes.

"Lunch time," I mutter.

He sighs and give me a disapproving look.

I roll my eyes, "I know. You can cook if you agree to stay and eat with me and keep me company."

He lets a half smile cross his face. " Deal."

I nod then leave him to fetch my mug for a new cup of tea.

On my return I see he's pulled a medium pot from the cupboard, emptied the two jars into it, the container of eggs and chicken as well, the ice cream no longer on the counter, presumably tucked away safely in the freezer.

"Where'dya keep your herbs?" He asks.

"Left of the stove." I gesture towards the cupboard as I pour hot water into my mug.

He opens the cupboard, reading the hand written labels.

"You dry these yourself?" He turns to me, holding the jar of dill.

I nod.

"The building has a community garden. Some people grow fruits, others grow veggies. I grow the herbs and dry them. The landlord has a chicken coop and those ladies are egg producing machines," I explain with chuckle as I grab my mug and move to the kitchen table, tucking my legs under me.

"We share what we grow, like a family. There's only a six units in the building so it works well. It was nice when Dad was out in LA. And when Sam died. My neighbor's made sure I was ok during that time."

"Nate wasn't there for you?"

"Not as much as I would have hoped. He took it the hardest. He got really angry at the world." I look down to my hands. "I was just starting my restaurant when he got diagnosed. Kate was the only one who knew."

"I'm sorry." He says, looking at me with a sad look. "I met Nate when he was probably at his worst. He was reckless. He never mentioned you before."

I laugh lightly.

"I'm not surprised. He always kept work and family separate as much as he could."

He nods then goes back to cooking.

I watch him cook. His movements smooth and confident, adding herbs and stirring them in, adding the pasta and turning the heat down to simmer.

Watching him slowly gets taken over by pain encircling my hips and lower abdomen.

I lean forward over my lap, squishing my organs to relieve the pain. I must make some kind of noise, because Eliot's feet appear in front of me, then he squats down in front of me.

"You ok, darlin'?"

"I'm fine." I mutter.

"No, you're not. Where are your meds?"

"Bathroom, left middle drawer."

He leaves my view, I hear him rummage through the drawer, then his foot steps back to the kitchen.

He squats back in front of me, opening the jar and pouring out a few pills into his hand.

"How many?"

"Two."

He puts the extras away until two remain in his palm, held out towards me.

I sit up, and take them from him, I wash them down with my tea, now drinking temp.

I set my mug back on the table, Eliot's gaze following my movements, hand on my knees gently rubbing.

"Why are you so calm about this?" I ask. "Most guys are kinda grossed out, or do the bare minimum."

"My mom taught me to take care of people, especially women in pain. Plus I've been workin' with Parker and Sophie for two years, this ain't my first rodeo."

"Parker must be a handful." I joke.

"Yeah she is." He chuckles, the corners of his eyes crinkle. "You need anything else?"

"Not right now." I push my blanket from my shoulders to stand up. "I think I'll go back to my spot on the couch after a quick bathroom stop."

He nods, taking a step back allowing me room to stand.

I head to the bathroom, sounds come from Eliot moving about my apartment through the door.

Once I'm done I head back out towards the kitchen, but the living room catches my eye, the couch specifically.

My blanket it there, not on the kitchen chair, my mug on the side table, and two bowls sit on the coffee table in front of the couch, steam rising from them. The microwave hums is the kitchen.

I stand in the door way of the kitchen, starring at Eliot, leaning against the counter waiting for the microwave to finish.

He looks up at me.

"Go sit down. I'll bring this over when it's done."

"What is it? My bean bag?"

He nods.

"Found it when I brought you blanket over. Thought I'd warm it for you while you were gone."

The thoughtfulness makes my heart flutter.

"Thank you, Eliot."

"You're welcome. Now go sit." He points towards the living room then turns to the microwave as it beeps.

I give a small salute then head to the couch, tucking my self into my blanket like a nest.

Eliot follows a minute later holding the bean bag.

"Over the blanket or under?" He asks.

"Under." I reach for the bag, move the blanket and settle it across my lap and abdomen.

I tuck the blanket back around me, leaning my head down to the back of the couch.

"Better?" He asks.

I hum an confirmation.

The couch dips next to me, he sits close enough to feel his body heat, but not touching.

He leans forward and pick up a bowl, passing it to me, then picking up the next for himself.

I thank him, then take a spoon full of the soup. It smells amazing, and the taste even more so.

"Eliot, this is amazing. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm glad you like it."

I watch him as he eats, sitting on the edge of the couch, leaning forward like he's really to go at a moment notice. Not relaxed at all.

"Eliot," I say to him. "Sit back get comfy."

He looks at me, almost like a dear caught in headlights, then shifts back and settles into his spot.

"Happy?" He grumbles.

"Very. Now," I reach for the TV remote and turn it back on. " What do you like to watch?"

"I don't watch TV much, but when I have the opportunity it's sports."

"Of course it is," I whisper under my breath.

"What was that?" He raises any eyebrow at me.

"Nothing! So sports, I think they are running some old baseball games -"

"Not baseball."

"What's wrong with baseball?"

"It's stupid. Can't score off defense."

I roll my eyes.

"Don't say that around my restaurant, you'd never make it out alive."

"I think I'd be fine."

I shake my head, turning back to the TV to find something we agree on, surprisingly it's old reruns of Magnum PI. At least he's got good taste out side of sports.

Soon enough the bowls a empty, ice cream replaces soup and is consumed. Empty bowls are left on the coffee table to be cleaned later.

During the third episode, I lean over to rest against Eliot's side, his arm moving from the back of the couch to around my shoulders, his thumb rubbing against my shoulder.

I feel myself start to doze off. The dimly lit room, the warmth from Eliot around me, and the comfort of his arm around it the perfect recipe for sleep.

I wake up a little bit as I feel myself being being lifted from the couch. I'm carried for a few seconds, then am gently set onto something soft. A hand cradles my head, guiding it until my head hits my pillow.

The blankets are pulled over me, tucking me in. A head brushes some hair from my face, then leaves. I look to catch the hand, I hold tight.

"I gotta go, darlin'. You need sleep." He whispers.

"Stay." I mumble back, eyes falling closed again.

He doesn't move, still holding my hand, he then squeezes it briefly and lets go.

"A'right, I'll stay."

He rounds the bed and climbs in the other side. I shuffle over to his side, his body heat like a magnet. I cuddle into his side, my head on his chest, arm draped across his stomach.

He's stiff, and his heart beats are rapid.

He soon relaxes, heart slowing, one hand resting on my upper back, the other coming to rest on the back of my head, rubbing my scalp, lulling me to sleep.

***********************************************

Sun through shear curtains shines on my face, pulling me from sleep.

I roll away from the window reaching to the side that was occupied the night before, but my hand lands on cool, empty bedsheets.

I sit up and glance around the room. Not a trace of anything out of place. I listen for movement, but the apartment is silent.

I toss the blankets of and slip out of my room.

The blanket on the couch is neatly folded, there are no mugs on the coffee or side tables.

The kitchen is the same. No tupperware or jars, no pots on the stove. The sink is empty, or in the drainer.

The whole house is baren of any sign Eliot was in my apartment, let alone my bed.

Except for the the pot of coffee on my counter, the light still on.

***********************************************

Taglist: @fictional-hooman @skyeofbees @kimberkingrivers @spencereliotwinchester @padawancat97

[autistic-duck]

It really sucks when you realize that a survivor's mentality is not a sustainable model for working full-time.

I can't go into every day thinking, “Oh, if the bathroom is occupied during lunch then I'll just wait to pee when I get home” because that is survival. I'm just surviving until I can get to a safe time and place. I am literally holding in pee for eight hours straight, feeling more and more pain because I can't figure out a better time to go to the bathroom.

I can't keep doing that.

Every day, it becomes, “If you can just sit still for a couple more hours, you'll get to move a little bit.”

Or, “if you can just hold in the tears until you can sneak into an empty room, you'll be able to make it through the day without anyone knowing you're upset.”

(Click “keep reading” to hear a more detailed explanation)

I started work this week, and I had completely forgotten just how awful it is to try and exist in a way that doesn't seem off-putting (or scary) to other people.

I had to do two eight-hour blocks of time alone away from home, which I hadn't done since high school, and I'm already realizing that my old methods no longer work.

I legitimately can't mask the entire day anymore. I can feel my joints groaning under the stress. My cells are feverish with the desire to stim. My mind is slowly melting under the fluorescent lights. The voices, the droning voices of professionals, buzz in my head and make no sense. I take notes, but the words look like no language I've ever spoken.

I can't keep pretending to understand what's going on.

But I'm also new to telling people that I'm disabled. The only people who know are immediate family and friends and the psychology clinic that diagnosed me. I want to be proud and confident, to just ask for and demand help, but I can't imagine anyone actually believing me. Nobody helps me when I ask for something because they decide it isn't important.

My sensory issues aren't “bad enough.” My social struggles are just “excuses to be rude.” My stimming is “attention seeking.”

Why did I choose education as the field to go into? I'm not cut out for this new “customer service” teacher mentality. I have to have good interactions with everyone all the time? Just so parents want to send their kids to our schools? How is that even possible? I have a hard time smiling at people who are nice to me, so how do you expect me to smile when someone is yelling at me for failing their student because they didn't turn in their work?

The education system is broken, and I'm just one disabled person who is just now realizing that their disability might actually stop them from keeping their dream job.

How do you advocate for yourself when you grew up thinking that self-advocacy was selfish and evil?

I literally just realized that I can't eat food or respond to greetings if I'm stressed. Showering used to make me feel relaxed before bed, and now it's the only thing preventing me from crying right before sleeping.

I want to learn Spanish, write in my journal, cook healthy meals, exercise in the morning, drink plenty of water, sleep comfortably at night, and spend time with friends who don't make me feel guilty for existing. I want to be able to go to the bathroom whenever I need to. Why does that feel impossible now?

If anyone has experience with advocating for a disability, especially high-functioning and heavily masked autism, I'd really like advice. Who do I talk to? What do I ask for? How do I explain my struggles and keep a job?

[in3rci4]

† ALL OF THEM ALIVE : AFTERMATH HEADCANONS †

Introduction

I asked you guys which Hcs would you like me to write first and you decided the option . The majority of blogs had talked about their own personal Hcs about this AU ! / Possible final where all the boys survived their kidnapper " The Grabber " , so I think it's time I'll do mine too . In this fandom we all wished or thought at least once about this , about the " what if " , and it's interesting how there's some stuff we all agree with and how some would differ depending the person you're asking . But anyways , I shall get to the point and talk about what you stopped reading for

author's note : I'm really sorry for not writing lately , I've been kinda stressed out and with little time to do something like this . Like I said before , I promised than little by little I'll do y'all requests , I didn't forget , so please be patient because soon I'll have the time

Warnings ¡! : Children abuse , SA , VERY long rant , possible misspelling , specific details that might be gruesome , headcanons about future and family situation of each character , suicide , angst , mention of real life killers / predators , homophobia , sexism , etc ... . If you don't agree with the following headcanons then I'm open to discuss yours politely , so now after that been said , enjoy it ^^

¿ How they escaped from " The Grabber " ?

This one is very difficult to decide , since there's a lot of options that can be valid and logical in the context of the movie , so I will make a ranking to most to least " possible " in my opinion :

THE GRABBER HIMSELF LETS THEM GO : Now , I know that knowing this character is based on a pedophile serial killer and IT'S a pedophile serial killer , the possibility of him letting them go sounds not logical at first , but hear me out on this one . The first 2 thoughts that comes in my mind when someone has escaped their kidnapper , is that they escaped when they've killed or ran away when their kidnapper was distracted , or , the very own criminal let them go . Remember the scene when Albert tells Finney that " nothing is going right " or that " he's thinking about letting him go " ? Well , I think that if in another universe they all escaped from him because HE lets them go , either because he was afraid of being caught by the police or his very own sick self that had enough of toying with them ( You imagine what could been " enough " for this psycho ) . The circumstance of them also being discarded as " dead " in the worst physical state is also an option , yet one of the saddest , because this one is where they get to live the worst of the " Naughty boy " game . Some walking back home on their own , some others found by other people that called the authorities for help

MAX HELPS THE KIDS TO ESCAPE : this crackhead seems to be smart on his own way , but way too fucked up with drugs to reach his full sane and clean potential , yet , on the movie , he figures his brother out , but he unfortunately dies by the hand of his very own blood . But , if Albert did went to work , I believe he would ramble a little about how it made sense , on how he didn't figure out sooner , etc . Soon the plead of the kids of letting them go makes him go back half on his senses , and he either calls the police and tells the kids to search on the house more about his brother in order to have more proofs against him ( Yes , this sounds dumb but justice sometimes don't do what they have to do ) or either takes all of them to the police station right away , proud of himself because HE DID found the kids , but of course , little does he know that he won't and will never get the credit for it .

SAME BASEMENT , DIFFERENT ROOMS : This one that I've seen more repeating on the people on the fandom , and I guess I understand why . There's 2 possibilities in each instance : The place , the victim who knocks out the Grabber and the final state of the kidnapper . If if we're talking about the place , it ain't something impossible for a house to have a immense basement under it with multiple rooms and stuff . Albert Shaw is based on Jhon Wayne Gacey , a pedophile homosexual serial killer that also did "children entertainment " gestures and had also like work construction business , this man hide the bodies of his victims under his house , on his backyard and in another house apart from where he lived ( Josef Fritzl can be also compared to this killer too , this man build a basement specially to SA his own daughter and have incestuous children with her that maintained them from escaping ) . A sick twisted mind that build a basement JUST to SA poor boys that had the bad luck of encounter him . That , or the "Naughty boy " game takes place in different locations , the first part , under his house basement , the one that we see on the movie , the second , somewhere else , a basement that who knows what happened or who created such thing with soundproofed rooms that has a black phone united to the next room , the boys , prisoners of a masked human devil that checked that all the telephones were disconnected or broken , but they make it work , and create a plan to take down their tormentor . The idea of all of them taking him down at the same time sounds cool and almost relieving , as all the victims participate on fighting against their predator , but if you prefer more the idea of Finney being the boy who takes down The Grabber , then the final plan is him setting the others free after being done with him . And depending on how possible you may think an option or other is , The Grabber gets killed by all his victims , or survives , and is arrested ... Not allowing the cycle of pain to end for the kids

UNKNOWN PREVIOUS VICTIMS GHOSTS : I admit I don't really know if the creators / writers or whatever said something about this before , but this man killed 5 kids and its hinted on the book that he had also kidnapped more , we only know about this kids on the movie because of Finney's perspective and Gwen's dreams ( Except Griffin Stagg ) , but what if there was more somewhere else in another state / town ? What if instead of only one child having an spiritual gift we had 6 trapped children that got kidnapped in a haunted building of previous victims of The Grabber ? Perhaps all of them being able to contact the Spiritual world but not knowing until they were taken by a crazy man ? That would be not only cool in my opinion to see in a movie ( it would be really interesting to see how differently they would react to ghosts ) but it can be something possible in the context of the movie and / or in the " The Shinning" universe ( non confirmed to be cannon it's just a theory )

THE POLICE SOLVING THE CASE : Look , we all know sometimes police it's more useless and dangerous that what they supposed to be , BUT , if we are talking about the most possibles " what if " , I think that maybe , in this particular case , in another universe the detectives ( I don't remember their names , I think maybe Mr Wright and Mr Miller ? ) figure out fast enough to solve the case and save the kids ( Tbh Gwenny did so much more for her brother and those kids than the police did on the movie , and she's just a child that didn't got credit for being the most important person on the case ) so if we didn't have Gwen's psychic abilities and we're on a non paranormal context of the movie , sooner or later killers are discovered , either because lack of self awareness or because they wanted to be recognized , and usually sexual predators tend to lack self awareness the more they get " confident " ( ik fucking disgusting ) . If the they did the same Max's reasoning , I believe that they could have the luck to say " that the help came " ( Again , I believe this possiblity of police figuring Albert Shaw sounds reasonable , but doing it on time , that's a 40/60 , 40% they got before any SA or death happened , 60% that something bad already happened when they got to arrest Albert Shaw " The Grabber" )

THE VERY OWN KIDS ESCAPE BY THEIR OWN : All of this are possibilities , even if it's on the lowest of the ranking , it is still something that could happened , but for me , it's a very low chance of it actually happening . I know cases of children and teenagers escaping and saving others from killers / kidnappers , but if the whole movie happened , it was because no matter how "popular " or " strong " they were , they were still kids / young teens against a grown ass adult twice their weight and height . But my point is , if they did escaped on their own without interacting while being captive with others victims , then The Grabber definitely cannot commit his crimes on the same place / in one of his houses . As I see it on this option , if they did escaped , they did it like the way they tried and died for ( Billy breaks a window , Griffin escapes on a moment of distraction , Vance escapes by getting into another room that helps him to exit , Bruce perhaps instead of digging himself a tunnel finds a trapdoor that leads to a tunnel . Idk what to think as a escape route for Robin or Finney , perhaps Robin had to actually get into a fight with the Grabber and started to get chased but he manages to escape , maybe Finney waits enough time to observe and makes a whole plan to escape and call the police on Albert's absence ) . Idk if they would be able to tell who is their captor or not , but I'm sure that in this last option , The Grabber definitely gets arrested or " learns from his mistakes " to " get better " at kidnapping children .

¿ Do they stick together after all the trauma ?

I believe it's a 50/50 , I can see both options being possible if all or some of the victims survived

WHY IT'S POSSIBLE : Nobody would understand the pain and trauma that they been through better than them as a group , not the police , not the reporters , not their friends , not their families , not the child therapists , only them . Unconsciously would still be on alert mode and seek for their and the others safety , possibly being more protective or snap back at those who try to bother them or another boy , and if we follow the " Same basement , different rooms " option , they feel like they're in debt with the others for helping / saving their life , making a sort of friendship / comfort bond with the other boys . A friendship that could be intact for years even after they are living their own lives or are far away from each other

BUT AT THE SAME TIME : Seeing the others is a constant remind of what they been through , wich it could result in them drifting apart from each other to avoid the memories coming back at them . Perhaps some will even resent others , blaming them without knowing why , be mad that they told the police / other people what they been through and now everyone knows they also been SA or physically abused , frustrated that people or the own victims boys search them asking about what happened or how they feel after " it's all over " . If they didn't killed Albert or help the other to escape , then the anger for not being able to finish him or be left behind would also increase the discordance between each other

¿ Would they be able to go back to their normal lives ?

I'm sorry but again , I'll think it's a 50/50 thing , or well , more like a 40/60 thing . They of course , after so much trauma in their heads they will need time to get over or deal with it , but some will have more support than others and that's a fact . They can't erase the past , but some of them would not have the same tools to deal with it in a healthy way ( Personal opinion : none would be able to cope in a healthy way . We're talking about boys that been possibly SA with physical and mental damage from living such situation as kidnapping and being captive against their will . Homophobia was 6x worse in the 70's , even if nothing was their fault , there's always people that would make them feel like shit for " not standing up " or " letting it happen" , questioning their sexuality or " if they liked it " or if they " search that " . Media would definitely not help this situation at all )

So in a ranking of who I personally think would be able to manage to " come back to normal" in their lives to " fastest to slowest " or have more support would be :

BRUCE YAMADA : His family and popularity would make him the one gets more empathy from the people in town , not like the others won't get it at all , but he definitely would have the odds more on his favor . His parents are wealthy enough to pay him a therapist or seek a doctor that helps him to cover his scars , anything that he asks or needs to feel better . People , let's be honest , would sympathize more with him than before and would even get it from those that before didn't like him that much . Yet , it would take him time to get back on his normal rhythm , baseball would be more difficult due how much muscular strength he lost while being captive , parties would overwhelmed him , and he would not like going out by himself , always needing someone on his side . Luckily , he would be on shape in a few months , hanging out in small parties and slowly but surely , being on his own on the streets . All though , he makes sure that his friends , baseball buddies or the people that hangs up with him in general didn't dare to bring the subject of him , the others or The Grabber on his presence , he doesn't want to start a unnecessary discussion or stop talking to them for their loud mouths ...

BILLY SHOWALTER : Everybody recognized his face before and after he went missing , but this time it was different , the look in the eyes of people that he came across with wasn't indifferent or the regular polite ones , now they would speak for the person louder than their voice did , they tried to hide it , but the pity was something that the look in their eyes didn't lie about . Nobody said or told him nothing , but he knew , Billy knew that everybody knew , and it made him a little bit paranoid ¿ How much did they knew about what happened ? He stopped delivering papers after seeing his face and the others in it , stopped watching TV for a while until the news of his " case " would disappear , his family thought it would be a good idea to take more trips to his grandparents house or outside the home general , like camping , lakes , family cookouts , etc . Little by little he would gain a little bit more confidence on himself , but he would need to isolate himself from the people to get a bit of peace of mind and be back to " the real world " . Sometimes frustration of not being able to erase people's memories of him as the kidnapped kid would get him , but he'll suppressed it , as well as he can , just like him trying to not get alarmed by his dog barks ...

FINNEY BLAKE : He's for sure got his back covered by his sister Gwen before , now and forever , their bond was always strong and it became even stronger after he went missing . After surviving The Grabber the bullying stopped since he was THAT kid who survived the The Grabber , making him be in peace for a good amount of time on high school , although when it all calmed down , some or other dude would call him names , but it wasn't like he would get beaten for it , and if they tried to , he wasn't scared to throw a punch to shut them up . I do believe that Terrance tried to change for his son and daughter , but even then , the damage was already done , there's was no more violence or alcohol smell in the house , but there was no deep connection between him and his kids . Sometimes his father would accidentally make a loud noise and he would flinch or jump on his place , to later realize it wasn't nothing . And if his father kept his same attitude that he had before he was taken , Finney wouldn't take any more shit from him anymore . As a generational curse , father and son would get into heated discussions , discussions where Finney would dare him to hit him or Gwenny , just once , for him to see what'll do to his father if he did . So , if we expect the good development , I think he will sometimes get to live a somehow normal life with ups and downs , the last ones being the hardest times if they clicked something from the past , but usually being able to compose himself , if his dad doesn't help his recovery to normalcy , then he might slowly loose little by little the calmness in him and isolate himself to avoid problems , like before ..

ROBIN ARELLANO : His mother was ecstatic when she heard her that her child didn't die like her husband , giving him a big hug that was full of pleading for forgiveness and thanking God for bringing Robin back home alive , as well his uncle , who waited for her to to finish to hug his nephew too . He would get child treatment for a long time , his mother would make him a lot of his favorite food for him to gain weight and pepper him with kisses and cheesy nicknames that he didn't heard since he was a toddler , his uncle giving him more gifts than before as well as doing the impossible to make space on his work schedule and drive him the way to and back from school . At first Robin didn't complain , why would he ? He would lie if he says he didn't missed his family and the affection he receives from them , but as time passed and he tried to "get over it " and go back to normal , he noticed how much those actions made him feel weak and useless . He asked his mother to stop treating him like a child and his uncle to let him walk by himself like before , wich lead her mother to be confused of why he wouldn't like what she does and , for the first time on his life , he having an argument with his uncle about what's safe or what he needs . School was still difficult for him to understand , Robin felt like everything changed since he left and now he's more close to suspending than before , thankfully he got a tutor teacher that is just as good and understanding like Finney . The kids still respect him as one of the toughest in school , even the ones that were waiting for an opportunity to fight him didn't want to face him , but that made him angry , how he's supposed to let all this pent up frustration now ? He didn't see this as respect , he felt this as pity , they consider him not in condition to fight , he escaped the god damn Grabber for fucks sake ! He hates it , the feeling of vulnerability not leaving after escaping that cold basement . He'll try to keep a low profile and try his best to avoid talking to people , keep his cool , but hearing his uncle talk about the fight he had on his work with his mother because some coworker called his nephew a faggot , made this feeling of vulnerability turn into disgust ... Disgust by himself , which lead him into a depression and isolation period of time that he would only get over after a year or an a half . Later , he would tell himself that what happened made him stronger , and that's part of him now , hyping himself up as well as he can , because toxic masculinity won't go just because of him ..

GRIFFIN STAGG : He only has his mother for support and some other adults that felt compassion towards him , after all , he survived a huge cut on his throat that didn't let him talk freely like before . He had to learn sign languages along with deaf and / or mute kids , they were friendly , and even if he was a little bit doubtful of the idea of making friends , he found himself comfortable with them . He hated it , how even in hot weather he had to cover his neck , how he went to invisible to have the entire school eyes on him and his name known for every kid in Colorado , and not for good . For a long time doctors told him to had certain soft food diet until his throat got better , so the frustration of not being able to talk or eat freely made him isolate himself or shut himself down . His mother took him to a child therapist and it certainly helped him , just not enough to say he's happier . The only good thing he sees on all of this is that he's better at school and learned to be more focused , because the part of him not being able to talk back and be like a walking ghost of flesh and bones was definitely not the good one ...

VANCE HOPPER : The actor of this character said that his background or house life is definitely not good or supportive , specially coming from his father . I headcanon that this kid had the misfortune to have the worst type of men as his dad : aggressive , abusive , toxic and definitely not the most open minded either . I also think his mother is much of a submissive woman who accepted her fate and is way too scared to do something against her husband , which results into her not standing up for her son when he gets beat up or yelled at . Even he hates his old man with all his heart , he unconsciously became similar to him in thinking and bad temper . I also think either because of his mother or his father contacts ( not in the rich kind of way , its either because his own father works there or one of the two knows someone inside the police force ) he would set free of jail and not being sent to a juvenile rehabilitation center . After what he been through , his hate towards the world and life would increase even more , because he was the exception of out the 6 boys , the only one that the police didn't care to find and kids were grateful he was gone , that his own father was grateful that he "escaped " from his house , but his mother knew that it wasn't like that . He would feel that everyone thought he searched what happened to him , that everyone stopped fearing him to be disgusted by him , it would take a slight insult or wrong look for him to explode and beat the person . He felt conflicted , and didn't know where to go to feel better outside the mall with a pinball machine , teachers still saw him as the outcast , his " friends " didn't feel comfortable being around Vance anymore and the therapy costed way too much , or well , too much for his dad opinion . He would get into trouble more often than before , but no one would say something , they would resort to just to avoid him like an rabid dog , just like before he guess . If he's by himself , he would grow up hating himself and projecting that hate towards others , not to say that his father stopped beating his ass , but the venomous comments shamming him for what happened didn't , to the point Vance wished he was just straight beaten up like before instead of hearing those awful words every day ..

¿ What if The Grabber and the children are taken to the court of law ?

I don't think I saw people talking about this or maybe someone did but I never encounter their opinion before , but let's just say they escaped either by A or B and Albert is not killed but arrested , you know how painful would be for the boys to live the whole process until his sentence is dictated ? The constant interview with the police , the television transmitting everything , the lawyer and fake witnesses in Albert Shaw's favor , etc .

We have the Yamada and Showalter family , the Yamada family will try to get every contact to help them win the case , the best lawyers possible in the name of their son and if it's allowed , the other children too . The Showalter family would ask every neighbor in Denver to speak in favor of the children and would definitely do everything on their power to make the country know what injustice would be made if they give a monster like Albert Shaw a lower punishment that he deserves , for the people to not believe what the witnesses says and his " good man " facade and think about their children , probably with the television or radio stations help . The Arellano family would try to to avoid the public eye just like Mr Blake ( Terrance ) , unless the police , media or the court made a difference with Robin because he's hispanic , then they , specially his mother Mrs Arellano , would expose with all the tools they could get access to , the people who disrespects Robin . Terrance would try his best to not interfere with the legal process , but if someone ever tried to blame Finney for defending himself he would get physically violent , and I believe to avoid this impulsivity to happen , he would try his best not to see Albert Shaw's face and make it worse for his son . Mrs Stagg I believe would not want at first her son to live through the whole process and would have her son's mental health as priority first , but seeing that it would be more harmful than beneficial , she would be by Griffin's side until it's all over or at least that horrible man gets what he deserves . Hopper's family though , expect bad things to happen with this family . The father Mr Hopper if offered money , wouldn't care that the man that harmed his son was set free and could even force Vance to step aside of the whole legal process , or maybe not accepting money , but definitely enjoying the attention that the reporters gives him everytime they tried to speak to him for more information . The mother , Mrs Hopper does want justice for her child , but isn't sure how to help him without making her husband mad or messing up things , but she would definitely take the courage to testify against the disgusting person of name Albert Shaw , even she doesn't know if what she's doing will bring her consequences , since Albert's lawyer accused them of being involved with police corruption .

I think all of them would collaborate as much as possible for the life imprisonment to be dictated for " The Grabber " , repeating their testimony as many times as necessary , even if they feel ashamed if any SA happened and would take them a timespan to open up to the detectives and the court .

¿ Would they tell their friends or family what happened ? ¿ How they would continue their lives ?

Definitely it's different on each case / boy , and we're definitely not on the same line as before with the law happening because once dead , the only thing left of " The Grabber " is the damage he caused in these boys . The police demands their testimony , they get it , and it's over , but what the details they don't release on public ? Would the boys tell those closed to them what exactly happened underground with that man ?

Those details : Paranormal activity , Gwendolyn Blake / Max Shaw participation , starvation , dehydration , the state of the kids the moment they're found ( Dirty , bloody , skinny , with dry white lips , perhaps with missing pair of clothes ) , SA towards the missing children

VANCE HOPPER : If possible , he would keep every detail to himself , internalized homophobia and sexism would live with him as he grows up to be a volatile man that would have a hard time trusting other people and keeping his job . Would rely on drinking or physical violence to cope the trauma , definitely isolating himself , perhaps changing Pinball for gambling machines . In a very heated period of life , he may consider suicide or commit illegal acts

BRUCE YAMADA : Asked his parents to not let anything come out of the police station that wasn't already said on TV , his parents asked him why , but he only told them to do it for him . Would deny or avoid talking about what happened focusing to become the baseball player he always dreamed to be . It isn't until one day , as a already famous hitter of strikes , in a interview a reporter asks him if any SA happened during his time captive by the criminal " The Grabber " . Bruce couldn't stop his hands from trembling and his voice to stutter after the interview . This would make him have panic and anxiety attacks , fearing the public eye as he never did before , but the more you try to run away from your past , the past gets closer to catch you as time goes by . After a while , he feels like it's to time to tell the truth , and Bruce gets enough confidence and courage to speak on the media that yes , he was sexually abused by a man that kidnapped him when he was a teen , that felt that he should hide it if he wanted to be a baseball star , because society makes the SA victims feel guilty for what they live through even if it's not their fault , specially men , that either are ignored or ridiculed , treated as trash or unworthy of empathy . This would had a huge impact on the media , but also would help people to question their beliefs and speak for their experiences . When he got the permission to open a foundation for abused children and teenagers , he felt that invisible weight on his chest get lighter . The letters of fans that have been abused thanking him for speaking out loud his experience made him cry on the privacy of his house ...

GRIFFIN STAGG : Would only tell his mother if she persisted once and never talk about it again , and since Griffin's therapist died of old age , he wouldn't want any other to have a session with , wich meant he'll never tell anyone about it . He grows up to accept jobs that he changes once a while when the money ain't for him to pay the bills , like being a librarian or a janitor of different buildings , his frustrated dream of being a veterinarian would from to time to time make him feel sad about it , but he'll comfort himself by saying that at least he has enough to live good . Well , good it's what doctors say , because he's tired of the constant medical visits for his vocals and throat to be checked . It's not like a miracle would and he suddenly was healed completely and capable of speaking . It's just the same old routine since... That ...

ROBIN ARELLANO : If possible , he would deny everything that happened to him if his family wants to know " the truth " . The truth is that he tries to move on and forget , but until he gets on his period of life with confidence and cool persona back , he would feel like the worst shit ever . He grows up and gets some of his old normalcy back , the horror movies though ? Not his favorite type anymore . I believe he probably wants to become a soldier like his father , but ends up being a fire fighter or part of a rescue team , but at an adult age , because his youth would have tons of low wage jobs due his inexperience and origin . Would only confess a single time to someone that confessed to lived something similar has him , to make them know they have his support and they're not alone .

FINNEY BLAKE : Would only confess this as an adult on a dinner with his sister , breaking down , rambling nonsense that would stop once Gwen stands up from the table and hugs her big brother , rubbing his back in a attempt to comfort him . He definitely works hard to be part of the NASA workers , although as time goes by , he realizes that being astronaut was a huge responsability and demanding , and he prefers to stay as a spaceship engineer . If some collegue or superior tried to talk with him about his time being captive on the basement , he would politely ask them to change the subject of the conversation , if they persistent he would find an excuse to leave and " go back to work " . Maybe if he did choose the astronaut profession this wouldn't happened ...

BILLY SHOWALTER : If the police didn't let the people know , he would take all his memories to the grave , maybe write them if he feels the need to vent . Doesn't matter who asks , he would always deny , decline and avoid any exchange about what happened on the 78' . He wanted to become a reporter or with enough luck a businesses man , but due the circumstances he prefers to be a low profile mechanic , little does he know that one day he'll become the most expensive race cars mechanic , meeting a lot of famous people that some would become close to him . The world would only know what Billy went through once they found a notebook were every dark , depressing and specific details was written on those old pages of paper .

[betterfettered]

I love your yandere Lucifer... Maybe I have a defective survival instinct, but I have heart eyes for that micro-managing maniac. If you would indulge my curiosity, how would his yandere obsession develop after he falls in love? Would he immediately try to take control of his darling and their life as soon as he realizes his feelings, or would it happen slowly throughout their "relationship" as he gets more and more demanding?

Hello beautiful sweet anon! I am so glad you love my yandere Lucifer 🥺💖 I got another ask that's a little similar to yours from another beautiful sweet anon

Could you do NSFW headcanons of Lucifer? Please, spill the tea! 😳 Is he always rough with his darling, or does he have a sweet spot for an obedient little darling~ 😇 or perhaps he's extra rough when he's feeling affectionate? 😈 Would he seduce them or take them by force? As intimidating as he is, we all know how persuasive this sexy, sexy bastard can be! It's part of the charm. If you cannot tell I thirst heavily for this devil of a man, insane or not (though I will admit I prefer him insane 😉)

So I'll group them together into a list of Lucifer HCs!! 🧚🏿‍♀️

(Gn!reader x AMAB!yandere)(dubcon)(bdsm)(Descriptions of sort of dom/sub relationships that are not sane, and only maybe safe or consensual.)(18+ readers only please, mdni)[This is fetish content and rape and abuse are disgusting and inexcusable in real life. If you were to have a relationship with someone like this, they wouldn't be your dom, they would be an abuser.]

• How would his yandere obsession develop after he falls in love? I think it would be a number of factors mixing over time rather than an immediate shift, but when he finally reflects on how his personality has changed, he would just decide to commit to it. To explain a bit more: I think after falling for you, he would develop a protective impulse over you. But he's always busy with work, and while he's away his brothers are always taking you to do dumb or dangerous things (what he thinks is dangerous can be subjective and dependant on his mood). That would stress him out, so soon he would start imposing rules on what you can and can't do. Since the brothers really cannot help themselves, they'd probably always be getting punished for things. They never learn their lesson anyway, so no harm done on their end, but any sense of guilt or anguish you felt over always getting them in trouble would gratify Lucifer. Hurting others is a significant deterrent for you, and he has no problem doing it, so he can just cut out the middle man and tell you what he'll do to your friends if you keep acting out. Of course, your friends are his brothers, so when he starts saying such things, he'll wonder what he's thinking/feeling that's driving this violent and controlling urge. Once he realized the true nature of his feelings, he'd commit to them and just announce that you're to be his future spouse and obey everything he says, and that's that.

• That isn't to say you aren't getting your own punishments that whole time. He has a lot of "games" he likes to play, but many of them revolve around keeping you in anticipation. He'll blindfold you and nudge your face with a riding crop, fluff your hair with it, stroke your spine, and then whip your ass with it so hard that you can't breathe. Then, pause, gently poke your nose with it, run it under your chin, and chuckle to himself when it makes you flinch.

• He also likes to force you to take part in the design of whatever he's doing. He'll ask if you want to be on all fours or kneel, tell you to pick which flogger he uses, or ask how many times you think he should hit you (it's a trick question: if you pick fewer, he'll just do it harder to make up for it).

• He always leaves you covered in marks, announcing his claim to you, but never leaves make up streaked down your face by tears.

• He likes blowjobs, but they're not his favorite. He wants to be more active and command the situation, while blowjobs feel too passive. Now, face fucking on the other hand? One of his favorite ways to punish you for speaking out of turn. He'd never admit it because it's so sloppy, but if he fucked your face hard enough that you puked he'd feel quite accomplished. It's another side of you he forced out with his actions alone.

• He doesn't really feel the need to seduce you, because things will end the same regardless. He takes great pride in knowing your body and what you like, because it makes him feel more like you belong to him and will do/feel as he says, so he's going to make you unintelligible whether you want him to or not. You are his. What you have to say doesn't matter.

• Clenching his teeth onto your jugular is the way he feels most secure, the way he feels most like you are his. Affection drives him a little crazy because he has a hard time just blurting out how he's crazy about you, so it does come out it how hard he grips your face to make you look at him, how hard he fucks you with your face pressed into his desk, how much he bends your body this way and that way to the limits of your flexibility. So yes, he'd almost always rough in handling you.

• If you climb on his lap, undress him, and cover him in kisses, he will melt for you like chocolate in your fingertips, but in return he'll run his hands over your body and finger you until you lose your composure, at which point you'll find yourself beneath him in a flash. It won't take long before you hear the rattle of handcuffs, feel his hot breath on your spine...

• That being said, if he's feeling so loving that he wants gentler sex, he'd be so hesitant and blushy that you would feel like you're fucking a virgin.

• Loves when you say his name or beg him to stop by his name, though he'll always react with another lash, telling you to call him "sir".

• Besides really filthy talk, he's not very vocal in bed. You'd know he's cumming because of his fingers digging into your flesh hard and his body grinding against yours at an irregular pace.

• I'm sorry but I am legally obligated to say that yes he'd fuck you in front of diavolo if the situation called for it

Yes anons no anons? Is crazy ass Lucifer still the man of your dreams?

Slowly starting to clear out the inbox, so don't be shy, send more asks 🙇🏿‍♀️

[fumifooms]

oh, sorry for so many asks, i also wanted to say too though i really agree so much with your chilchuck thoughts so far, even down to your personal headcanons about how things might go post-series. and you're absolutely right, i'll defend that little guy any day myself. you understand him so well and it's kind of relaxing to have someone else dish out this kind of analysis and already agree with all of it cus it's just so real, so thank you again for the Meal <- perhaps the perfect thing to say about dungeon meshi analysis when i think about it

i know you have playlists and stuff so i wanted to share a song i've been listening to that that reminds me of him: divine loser by clem turner

No worries, they’ve been a lot of fun! I do plan on getting back to each one btw, just gotta get through some other things first hopefully. Aaaah that’s really nice to hear 🥺 I do know the feeling haha, it’s always fun to have posts that Get It that you just nod along with 🤝 I’ve thought sooo much about Chilchuck I rotate him in my brain like rotisserie chicken more often than not, glad it all ended up being productive haha. Y’know recently my friends have been calling me a Chilchuck superfan/scholar jokingly and it actually made me have a realization moment of…

Bc I’ve always said Laios was my fave and like, he does mean everything to me idk if I’ve ever felt so seen as with Laios, I relate to him sooo much, but then. Okay alright that can be a different thing than a character being your favorite fine FINE I admit it Chilchuck’s my top blorbo. He’s so.🧍‍♂️I can’t even describe. He’s so….. He’s a clown but he’s also perfection in its best imperfect form I will not be taking further questions today. My friend called him my silly rabbit like that one meme and it makes me laugh sm

Thank you for the music rec!! I listened to it and yes agreed, sent straight to my Chil playlist. Songs are my bread and butter when I have character brainrot bc like with web weavings I feel like there are so many emotions and thoughts you can communicate about something so simply through one… (Which for anyone interested here’s my web weaving tag, got 2 about Chil). Gonna link all my dunmeshi playlists while I’m here: Dungeon Meshi, Chilchuck & his wife, marchil, Mithrun.

Ok everyone saw this coming but this ask ran away from me and I ramble about some song lyrics I associate with Chil & different facets of his life below the cut. Some people find my, ehem, heated rambles about Chil entertaining, this is your cue to get out the popcorn.

When thinking about songs for Chil I have 3 angles I take: About Chilchuck, about him and his wife, or about him & Marcille. Marchil is so engraved into me with their arcs together, that they’re like the concept of closure and letting go and letting yourself live again to me, sorry for all the non-enjoyers…

I think currently my top song for him is Jackrabbit by San Fermin, because it combines all three it makes me go wild. It’s about trepidation… Throwing yourself into it even despite the fear (working with traps, survival in poverty where you have to rush & hustle), or just staying there paralyzed(not reaching out to his wife). Flight or freeze!! Saying goodbyes and saying hellos!! Not dying alone!! The life cycle of a wild rabbit living and dying, the baton pass race of life from generation to generation!! Chil and his daughters even!!! Going through life at a frenzied pace!! It is so Chilchuck and so marchil, and the music does give that hurried and scared energy to me too, and sigh the Marcille side to it with fear of death too…

Extra fun context but the other day on the discord server we were talking about what animal each character’s fursona would be as we do and I thought of a rabbit for Chilchuck: Quick footed, ‘cowardly’, small and frail and seen as weak 🙃, athletic and slender, pulls stunts, stressed out, has very fine hearing and has good instincts, etc. And ofc that fits really well with Marcille since she’s kinda associated with dungeon rabbits hehe~ But I think while Marcille’s 100% the cute round rabbit Chil’s more like a brown hare, more wild and like, more like a jackalope if we’re still doing monsters... I do lowkey find it more fun than his associated monster being mimics because he’s crabby, because they’re clever (with where they place themselves) and because of how he has a soft shell but soft insides, lol.

OKAY so that’s my song pick with the main 3 facets sure, now I’ll share some lyrics for each 3 sides separatedly 😈 Kinda summarizing my web weavings for him thus far. If we start with Chilchuck by himself we have… Enter One by Shelby Merry and Drunk by The Living Tombstone

With his wife, we have the bad end, and the good end for if they get back together with Lost Kitten by Metric and North by Sleeping At Last… Okay okay plus Love Like Ghosts and My Heart is Buried in Venice… Little Soldier by The Crane Wives for them also RUIN me

And Marchil… Marchil oh my beloved. Another buddy also made a full analysis on discord about Soap by The Oh Hellos for them lol, but these are Not I by I Fight Dragons and My Heart is Buried in Venice again~

Okay okay two more. Boats & Birds by Gregory and The Hawk, and Tummy by Tamino.

Finishing it up with quotes from, in order, A Softer World by Joey Comeau, Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky, Acknowledgements by Danez Smith, The Letter by Richard Paul Evans, and last but not least posts from dead tumblr account flintcoded. I keep looking around and finding MORE fitting quotes. Someone stop me- In loving me you hold a knife at my throat, in loving you I tell you exactly where to cut. Forgive me, memory is a rope around my neck. I need you to be happy, I need one of us to be happy.

Hand in unlovable hand…

In conclusion;

[mikotothighslicker]

John's fronting time in 09sys being questionable and how this accounts to John possibly only being partially responsible for the murders

Before I say anything, this is mostly based on 3koto. So along with the 2nd trial report, we know that Jackalope implies that Mikoto has the highest kill counts, even more than Shidou. This means that Mikoto murdered at least more than 3 people, in other words, he's a serial killer. Now this had me questioning, with that high of a kill count, how did John get away with them? Because take a look at this part in Neoplasm: Es: Can I ask why did you kill them? John: They annoyed me. Es: Who did you kill? John: Whoever was walking nearby. Es: How many people did you kill? John: Can't remember. I was just born back then so it's all fuzzy. TL from this video (slightly edited to fit the jp more) Not only are the answers vague as hell, but John talks as if he wasn't there? Let's think about this, John talks as if he was just killing mindlessly, all the talk about "being just born back then" and his memory issues, yet in MeMe the footage shows the crime directly to the viewer. And just a reminder, MVs are extracted from the prisoner's heart which means that this memory exists but John might not be the bearer of it. In Double, we actually take a peek into John's POV and the imagery? VAGUE AS HELL. The entirety of Double is not set in reality at all. And the crime footage? John smashing mannequins mindlessly. Mannequins, not people. In contrast to MeMe, which clearly shows footage of a person being killed and having their corpse disposed of. So.. how long did John really front? John: Evidently, the time I've been fronting has been getting longer, so I was able to stabilize. John: If I had stayed a monster.. maybe that would have been better. These lines above imply that before the events of Neoplasm (or even MILGRAM in general), he hadn't been able to stabilize -> Only recently was he able to stabilize. From this we can infer that John's previous fronting times could be described as "Not long enough for stabilization". This, contradicts with the fact that Mikoto might be a serial killer. How? Without enough stabilization, I doubt he could've done all the disposing work and getting rid of evidence. 09's crime is heavily implied to have happened over a long period and it's simply impossible to mindlessly murder and get away with it for that long. ボク(also known as Mido) likely is the alter responsible for doing the things John couldn't. However, this is a little off-topic so I'll move on. Now that we've explored this much, I want to express my personal thoughts about John.. (feel free to disagree)

No matter how much he puts himself to be Mikoto's savior/ideal, in the first place he never had a choice. Behaviors of violence were introjected into him before birth (Mikoto's "dreams"). When he gained consciousness, his first and foremost instinct was to destroy, to relieve stress, and later on when he learns about Mikoto's life, he was already put in a position where he has to acknowledge his other self's pain (and also his), of course, the natural reaction is wanting to save Mikoto and wanting to take it all on so Mikoto doesn't have to. He's indeed a monster but perhaps there was no other way for him to exist. This was the only way he could've been helpful. He didn't have any other choice. Pitiful, huh. Is a destructive existence that has to destroy others to sustain itself, guilty for just trying to survive? Well, as an end note, I just want to say If I turn out to be somewhat right I will punch ボク/Midokoto in the face.

[small-but-mighty]

Getting Dumped

Domestic small animals will NOT survive in the wild. The outdoors is no place for animals that get stressed when their hay is the wrong texture. Unfortunately, when shelters are full, people are overwhelmed, and feel there is no other way out, they take to abandoning their animals outdoors. The worst part about these situations is it's very rarely just one. I have countless stories of this happening, so I'll try to limit it, but I want to share the struggles these animals have gone through because of the actions of people.

In July 2023, numerous rescues found themselves at a rest stop on the side of a highway trapping domestic rabbits. There was probably dozens of them. The RISPCA took in 11 of them. I spent an entire weekend pulling ticks off young rabbits, never mind the fleas I found. The smell of these animals feces was horrible, their stomach flora was all kinds of messed up. That was the healthiest of the bunch. One of the rabbits, had a horrific head tilt, it could not walk straight or even stand up straight. Our vet suspected e. cuniculi. If you are unfamiliar with e. cuniculi, count yourself lucky. It's a parasite, which can affect a rabbit's nervous and renal (kidneys) systems, and if not treated soon enough, the damage it causes can be permanent. The parasite is also contagious to other rabbits through urine, which means that if all these animals were possibly housed together in the past, they all had a chance of contracting the parasite. Unfortunately, the treatment for the rabbit with a head tilt did not work, it was too late, and he passed away. All the other rabbits in our custody had to be treated however, and luckily nobody else began showing symptoms. Now it is unknown if the rabbit had e. cuniculi before being released, but there still is always the possibility that the rabbit contracted the parasite from the wild rabbits that it may have interactions with outside. I would also like to mention that the rabbits were not spayed or neutered, nor were they only a single gender. This means that there may have been even more domestic rabbits that may have been introduced into the elements had rescues not intervened. Following their medical treatments and spay/neuters, all 10 of the rabbits that survived were adopted.

Around the same time that the rabbits were found at the rest stop, someone walked into the shelter with a rabbit in a box. She said the rabbit appeared on her back porch. The rabbit's hind leg was mangled, basically facing the opposite direction of what it should of been... Now we have no way of knowing how or why his leg was that way, but truthfully it doesn't really matter. Our veterinarian opted that it would be best to amputate the leg. Today, the little guy (who we affectionately named Tiny Tim) is healthy, happy, and in his fur-ever home as a happy little tripod!

Both these events were in a span of a weekend. It's a reoccuring event though. To briefly just name a few more:

June 2023, nine female guinea pigs dumped at the end of our shelter driveway after hours

July 2023, forty-two Guinea Pigs dumped in the woods of Exeter

February 2024, seven rabbits dumped at the park in Warwick

This post mostly just address the events of large number dumpings, but even the occurrence of single domestic rabbits being found dumped and being picked up as strays but animals controls are continuing to grow in numbers too. So, please, if you are in a situation where you are not able to care for the animal you own any longer, contact a local shelter as soon as you know you are in that situation. The sooner we know you need help, the sooner we can ensure you get help. And don't just limit your ask for help to one shelter. We are all in this together, ask a few for help, one may be able to help sooner than others. Even if you are in a situation with large numbers, we are not here to punish, we are here to help.

[aerkame]

Hello! I’d like to send in a request, I’m not picky about format so you can do headcannons, a one shot, etc. ^^

Takes place during Transformers Prime Season 2, Episodes 1-2.

Orion Pax coming across Optimus’ human charge on the Nemesis (said GN!human charge is a mercenary who needs energon to survive because they’re kinda part Predacon due to MECH fucking around with a funny looking fossil they found; this’ll be relevant in a bit. They were with Arcee when she got into the ship, they jumped off her and hid in the little side crevice under the main walkway [something like what Bulkhead is crawling through in S2 Ep10: Armada 11:57] when Soundwave opened a ground bridge) They kinda have to beg him not to report them to Megatron, and he agrees (albeit very reluctantly).

They hide behind/under his workspace and he brings them energon so they don’t die✨ (apparently he’s gone for a long while [a few weeks to a month] and not like, a few days like I originally thought-)

They converse, having nothing better to do to pass the time, and Orion has a strong and fond sense of familiarity lingering in the back of his mind.

Little does he know he was developing strong feelings for them, back then as Optimus and now once more as Orion.

(I’m so sorry about how long it is but I felt like it would make sense if I didn’t explain-)

If this seems like too much please feel free to delete my request ^^”

Sorry for the late post!

Also it's alright, It is a long explanation, but good for the headcanons so I know what I'm working with. I'll try leaving some details vague though, as the whole purpose of me being strict on backgrounds or OCs is so that any reader can immerse themselves in what I post as simply the reader.

________________________________________________________

Optimus...well, Orion knew that something was very off the second he laid his optics on you. He had done enough research behind Megatron's back to know what planet he was on and the inhabitants on it, and you were not supposed to be like that. He could tell there were Cybertronian metals in your body, his only guess was experimentation of sorts. Orion was taken aback by this when you came rushing in for a place to hide and in his spark he knew he couldn't let an innocent fall to harm on his watch, this encounter stored in his memories now had only made him further question Megatron's motives. Too many secrets, too many inconsistencies, and too much loss of life. With you here staying with him (albeit in secret), Orion felt more at ease, finally having someone there to ground him on stressful days. When you do eventually need to refuel just like him, he always lets you get your fill first, tipping his cube of energon just enough to let you take sips. During this time his mind wanders a bit, curious as to how exactly you're still functioning after all this time in a body like yours. What happened to you? Who did this to you? How are you able to process energon like him? Every time these thoughts come up he's tempted to ask you but shies away from the idea of pushing you on a sensitive subject such as that, a habit of his old self, not something Optimus would do. It's until after you bring it up after venting to him does he hear about what really happened. It saddens him really...what happened to you, how much it just reminds him of his own world where corruption is everywhere, even on this young planet. He wishes he could help you, he really does, but he's not sure where he would start. Both you and Orion grew closer and closer over the time spent on the Nemesis, each day you'd tell him something new about Earth and in exchange he'd tell you something about Cybertron. Orion wasn't like Optimus in many ways, him being more open like this as one reason and Orion being far more gentle in his aura as another reason. Eventually you did try bringing up that Orion WAS a Prime, but he struggled with explaining his hesitance to believe you. As far as he knew, he was Orion Pax, right before the war started, nothing made sense to him anymore. It did not mean he was ignorant of Megatron's suspicious behavior though nor did he not believe you outright, He could tell for himself that this was not the mech he once knew. If anything he wanted to speak with someone from team Prime to hear their side of the story. It was risky sure, but with everything you had discussed with each other, he was willing to take that risk once the opportunity arrived. When there was a long period of free time, Orion opted to lay down on his berth and have long chats with you. Something about you just felt familiar and warm, and you were his only comfort while stuck on that ship. Every time you smiled or laughed his spark would feel light and he'd slowly begin smiling himself. Maybe soon he'll find a safe way for you to leave the ship, and then you two could meet again, but for now, he would enjoy your presence with him. This growing relationship did not go unnoticed however...Megatron knew you could be a threat to his plans, but for now, you seemed to be keeping Orion's mind in tact, something he needed if he wanted the best work out of him. The warlord could not help but feel a pang of anger though when he saw how Orion looked at you, he knew that look all too well.

Note: Sorry if there are any errors, I'm still sick and I might not be thinking straight.

[invisibleletterstoafriend]

I got out!!!

Life update - 24/7/24

Dear Friend,

As of 22/7/24, I have moved out with my partner and escaped the toxicity of my family home. It all came to a head when my mom sent me some nasty messages about not cleaning my room for a house inspection, when I had locked myself away all Sunday to clean it and was very happy with my results. I know she's been stressed at work and I honestly think she has just been picking fights with everyone in the house for minor things. As I had started sleeping over at my partner's house on Monday night, I was there when she started berating me and rejecting all my attempts at a healthy and productive conversation.

After looking around where I was at the time, realising that I had enough of the cycle of verbal abuse, I told her I would be moving starting this week. I told her that these conversations, regardless of what triggered them, are usually just her insulting me and expecting me to sit there and take it until she feels better. It's not healthy and I'm done with it. Since then, I've been staying with my partner and working through the feelings of shock and anxiety about leaving my sister in that house. She called me and told me she was scared of how erratic and angry my mom was being. Not because she posed any threat to my sister but because she was just saying horrible things about me and my dad as he tried to calm her down.

The only reason I am going to stay over tonight is because tomorrow is my 20th birthday and I would like to see my sister before she goes to school and I go to uni. I also have to pack more things for living at my partner's house the majority of the week. I'm well aware that there may be some kind of blowout when I get there tonight but I don't particularly care. I just want to see my sister, maybe go to dinner on my birthday with her and my dad, get my shit and leave. I'm slowly realising that my mother's anger is not the end of the world and I can say with absolute certainty that I'm doing the right thing.

That isn't to say I haven't felt scared or guilty facing what happened. I've been dealing with tremendous amounts of guilt around leaving my little sister in that house to fend for herself. She told me the other day that she's just waiting for my mom to pick something and blow up at her about it, knowing that she's 16, doesn't currently work and doesn't yet have her learners license. I have been plagued with thoughts of her sitting on my bed as she always does when she waits for me to get home, knowing that I'm probably not coming back for the night as per usual. I am haunted by the what-ifs and what would have happened had I just took my mom's anger instead of standing up for myself.

At the same time, though, I know that playing those thoughts over and over again will just rip me apart. I've made a decision that even my sister was encouraging me to make. And the longer I stay out here with a partner who loves me, the better of an example I set for her and the more likely she'll be to come here when my mom gets too much. I'm trying to be strong, trying to show my little sister that she doesn't have to worry about me because I will survive this and find a way to heal from everything our parents have failed to do for us.

Thank you for listening, friend. I hope you are safe and healthy. Remember that you are worth far more than others may say you are. Be strong, keep fighting and I'll see you on the other side. You deserve a chance at happiness.

With all my love always,

Your Friend

[weirdthinkingdragon]

Stockholm Yandere

Something that I wonder how it would work is a yandere with Stockholm syndrome.

Have a few ideas how I can really think of with that working but I'll focus on one for now.

One is the yandere being a caught serial killer and being brought to a corrupt experimentation place. Kinda like SCP in a way. However, he was framed and is actually completely innocent. (kinda like an au of the zombie apocalypse with superhuman idea I had before)

Him being the only one to survive every test so far, but not treated with an ounce of kindness. Why would he? To them he killed tens or possibly even a hundred people?

But then there's you that starts working there and can't help but be a bit more kind to him. You're not left in the dark of what they've done, but at least this one seemed to be treated worse than any of the others. And you've got insane intuition that's never been wrong. It's just screaming at you he isn't even a criminal at all.

The only thing you really can do is clean up the blood of his leftover wounds and even be gentle about it. Sneak a bit of touch like a hand over his to try to comfort him, and tell him you know he's innocent.

You tell him you're looking into his case more, but to please try to hold on until then. What you didn't tell him though is knowing the plan they have to break him into becoming the first successful superweapon. The chemicals, stress, injuries, even the radiation from a few experiments turned his hair into an unnatural bright, pure white. You despised watching the dark brown leave his hair overtime. His hair also getting incredibly long overtime from them not caring about cutting it and don't allow you to bring anything sharp near him from how they believe he could easily overtake you and kill everyone.

It eventually comes to light he wasn't the killer, but obviously the damage has been way too far done. For that, they question things and refuse to have you around anymore. They try to fire you and make sure you never come back again.

A loud noise is heard from the distance. Everyone is unaware of their impending deaths.

Meanwhile at first meeting, he didn't believe you when you first started working with him that you believed he was innocent. He thought you were just putting on an act. But time passed and he eventually believed it from how you treated him. He grew insanely attached, and even started having wild ideas of you punishing him. From you he'd gladly take it. He... He also can't let you go. You can't leave him now. He barely remembers what his friends and family looked like. He doesn't even care to or want to remember. He knows they set him up. None of that matters. only you matter to him now.

Your touches, words, even physical appearance and smell are enough to drive him mad. But in a way it calms him. He started purposefully acting up whenever you're forced to leave. He's already impossible to stop now. no drug can put him to sleep, nothing can hold or pin him down, and he refuses extra attempts by any of them. He only tolerates it days you're here knowing you'll be right there for him after.

He knows they're getting angry by it, but he just doesn't care. At least, until the day he heard them fire you. No, no, no! He can't be without you! can't leave him! He lov... oh. He finally just realized it. He loves you, he loves you, HE LOVES YOU. please! You can't leave him! He'll do anything for you! Want him to be like some sort of fucked up pet? He'll be that! Want him to be your lover? the BEST way, but anything else is fine! as long as you don't leave him! He'll even kill anyone or anything if you ask him to! No, he HAS to kill right now or they'll keep you away from him!

He punches straight through the "impenetrable" wall of his cell. He rips it as easily as slicing and spreading soft butter on toast. Within the blink of an eye, any scientist or even other criminals he sees are slaughtered to bits until he comes to you and the one who framed him. Only he and they knew the truth until you uncovered it. But no one cared from him being the owner of the place and payed well also by the government for said experiments.

He doesn't let the man get one word in. He'll pay with his life for yelling at you as well. He always hated how the man treated you for helping him.

The only regret is the absolute terror on your face as the man's blood splatters all over you as well.

No... Please don't look at him like that. Please! if you have to, punish him! he'll take it! Any painful way you wish he'll endure. Just please never leave him!

He hugs you tightly and sobs in your neck with you still frozen.

-----------------------------------

Now finishing and rereading this idk about this idea. Seems kinda weird to me now :-/

[hypnotisedfireflies]

I wondered if in the Driftverse had either Sarah or Nico (Mike can stay dead) survived, would Joel and Tess connect. From your recent posts I guess yes in the case of Sarah. But, if it had been Nico who survived would Joel want to get involved with a woman with a toddler?

I’m starting to think that you’re all out to get me. 

I’m sleep deprived but I don’t think this paranoia is misplaced??  You are all out to get me with your prompts and your plot bunnies and asks that make things happen in my brain that I can't control and then want to write about. 

The short answer is Joel would get involved with Tess probably a lot earlier (not that they wasted much time) had kids been involved. I'm thinking of this through the lens that Sarah also lives, because let's go full happy here.

I'll bullet point how Drifters might have gone had Nico and Sarah survived:

(Also can I point out the Nico Servopoulos – Nico Parker thing was a coincidence.  I called the kid Nick which I was then like, that’s short for Nicholas, that’s TOO many S’s and so changed it to be short for Nico and then later clicked with the Nico Parker connection.  Funny how these things work out.  ANYWAY).

Tommy, Joel and Sarah eventually come to the Lake Michigan camp – the brothers want to get off the road for Sarah’s sake.  They’re not as hardcore do-it-alone when they’ve got her to protect.  The priority is just finding somewhere safe to be. 

Tommy and Tess don’t meet up as early contacts and the windmill stuff never happens, because Tess isn’t trading.  She’s grounded at the Lake Michigan camp with Nico.

They start to interact with Tess through Sarah.  Tess is struggling.  She had started to find her rhythm with Nico before the Outbreak happened, but that’s all gone out the window. 

I kind of think having Nico is almost an Achilles Heel for Tess rather than a serious motivator as it is for Joel.  Like, she’s already struggled so much to function as a mother and now she has all these other issues to contend with.  When it’s just Tess, she can be as selfish as she needs to be.  But the pressure of looking after someone who she already feels like she’s failing would be such a stressful, frightening situation for her. 

And because she doesn’t trust anyone, she’s not really getting any help and she’s just kind of heading toward some kind of serious crash.

There’s no other kids at the Lake and Sarah, who is in that twilight between childhood and adulthood, starts spending time with Nico and Tess.  Sarah has never been around little kids so she’s not like a star babysitter or anything, but it gives her something to do - and someone to talk to who isn’t an adult who talks over her head and makes decisions for her all the time. 

Joel meets Tess and can tell right away that she’s not coping.  He makes some gentle suggestions to which she is not amenable, but Sarah’s in earshot so she reserves her right to tell him what he can do with his advice. 

Joel would start coming by, helping out.  They’d take Nico sometimes so Tess can just rest.  And he’s just naturally good with kids, right?  Daddering just comes easily to him.

They probably end up in the Chicago QZ with Ash’s group.  They’re not going to risk travelling far with kids.

Thanks for the ask, anon! It’s interesting exploring the Coulda Beens.

And then ... Idk, maybe they never get to Boston.

Or maybe they get to the Appalachian Mountains? There are a few prompts floating around to this effect ...

They'd become a tight family unit. Nico's going to call Joel Dad and Joel would see him as his kid. I've never thought Ellie would call Tess Mum, but maybe Sarah would.

Oh and Tommy probably doesn't leave. He wants to, but Sarah won't let him. 🥺

If Sarah wasn't alive, Joel would still become involved with Tess and provide that support, but it would take longer. She'd get a lot closer to that crash.

[cosmos-daughter]

☆ Thoughts on Resident Evil 4 Remake

CONTENT: why I find it average, why the original is so special + Leon's frustrating out-of-character behavior.

This is not a hate post, but simply criticism coming from a hardcore RE4 fangirl. The original game is my all-time favorite, the one I never tire of and finished multiple times, the one I can quote verbatim on the spot since I remember every single dialogue, the true meaning of "comfort game" to me. The original Resident Evil 4 has always felt like a sacred, precious thing to me — and so the mere thought of a remake sounded borderline sacrilegious, if I may be a little dramatic. I am also against the thought that good games need to be remade for the sake of modernity, and I believe the dated graphics & mechanics of the game are a huge part of its unique charm. So naturally, I have a lot to say about this.

First of all, I think it's funny how the directors said this game is more survival horror than the original because it's absolutely not. I'll get into details about why during this text, but I don't think the game is scary, especially compared to others RE games, and personally I didn't feel fear at all during my gameplay, not even with the regenerators, even if they look terrifying visually (they were the closest to being scary though).

The reason behind that is simple: the game is too focused on combat, therefore, loses a huge part of the horror. If you carry a knife you can parry almost every attack, and the ones you can't you can evade by pressing the button at the right time. For example: in the original, even if it was also combat-focused, you couldn't afford to let the regenerators too close, and even at a distance they were still dangerous because of the attack they stretch their arms and grab you (something you can get away from instantly in the remake if you have a knife; unlike the original where you have to press the button repeatedly and you still lose a lot of HP for being caught).

Huge part of the reason why the original got my hands sweating, especially when I played in the professional mode, was the tank/old game controls. That made the whole game 10x harder because if you were at the wrong place at the wrong time, you were done. While seeing Leon parrying a chainsaw with a knife is cool as hell, it also takes away the impact of the whole thing, since you're not screaming in horror when you turn back and see the chainsaw dude right behind you because you know you're already dead ー since you can't parry and can't quickly evade because of the controls, you don't have time to react anymore. This is one of the things that made original game so special, and since we don't have that kind of gameplay in modern games anymore, I think it would be better if they stopped remaking the old games for the sake of modernization and focused on releasing new games instead, so we can have new characters, lore, enemies, locations.

The original also didn't have a auto-save every five seconds like the remake does. That castle section where you send Ashley up to handle the cranks was stressing as hell in the original because if you died at the very end you had to begin the entire damn phase all over again, since the beginning. The remake is much easier in that sense, since it has way too many checkpoints, even in hardcore mode.

You also have a lot of space in your inventory and key items don't take up space there because they go alongside the treasures, so item managing is basically nonexistent. And as if that wasn't enough, you also have a second inventory (typewriter) in which you can store weapons. This mechanic only works well on other RE games because you have nothing more than a tiny inventory to carry your weapons, recovering items and key items at the same time. In a game where you can literally have a XL sized suitcase as a inventory system, I think it's very unecessary. The resources in this game aren't scarce either, unless you're playing in the hardest difficulty, which it's the very least.

The only thing this game technically does better than the original is the atmosphere, at least visually speaking, since it has more realistic graphics and lighting, so we have darker/spookier places. But that's not all there is to atmosphere, there's also the psychological aspect, which this game doesn't have much because like I said, it doesn't make you tense, you're not fearing for your life most of the times because you know you can easily fight back whatever comes at you and there aren't many insta-kill attacks. This game doesn't have the same tension that RE2 remake does when you have to move around the station knowing Mr. X is hunting you because you can hear his heavy footsteps amongst the silence and you also know he has a incredible hearing, so any noise you make can lead him to you, thing that pressures the player to not stay on the same room for too long.

And yeah, yeah, I know most of the previously mentioned things are the same way in the original, but that's exactly my point. Capcom bragged so much about this game being more survival horror than the original so I expected them to actually keep their word and do some changes on the gameplay/mechanics to actually make this be true.

Unless Capcom's definition of "more survival horror" is simply adding more dimly lit rooms and realistic graphics, since that's the only huge and noticeable difference from the original. And if it's the case, I'm very disappointed, considering it's coming from the same company that made RE1 remake: the closest there is to a perfect survival horror and a perfect game -- RE2 remake: a game that perfectly masters the art of ambience and atmosphere as manner to cause tension and uneasiness at the player, and the greatest modern survival horror in my opinion -- and RE7: a genius masterpiece of horror and the most terrifying game I have ever played so far. While all these games also make use of poor lighting to create atmosphere (it's a horror game, after all), none depend solely on that, because that'd mean is a bad game. We know they know very well how to make a terrifying, spine-chilling survival horror, and it's clearly not what they did in this remake, so I think it's very audacious of them to say so.

Resident Evil's horror was always the fact that you actually had to be smart and skilled to survive. What causes fear is your own helplessness as a player, the knowing that you're not invencible because you can't parry a chainsaw with a knife, you can't dodge attacks, you can't sneak up on your enemies and take them down with one attack from behind, and all that while having to use your resources wisely. These are games that encourage the player to avoid enemies instead of going on a killing spree because the enemies drop items. It punishes you for taking down enemies instead of rewarding. You're meant to avoid them when instead of confronting.

I thought maybe they'd implement these typical RE stuff to the remake and change the game a little, since they were talking soooo much about it being "more survival horror", but turns out they didn't, and at the end it resulted in a game that has nice, updated graphics and gameplay but manages to be inferior than the original because it's less unique and easier; and that's why I don't think RE4 remake has even half of the appeal of the previously mentioned games. It's just a game, a very well made one, mind you, but it's just what's expected of a AAA game, and it's not outstanding in any way if not except for graphics (which is something I personally don't care for) and while it's a fun time, it doesn't bring anything worth putting it on a pedestal, both story and gameplay-wise. Capcom did not overcame themselves with this game, neither it's their best work until now.

There are good changes in the remake, Ashley and Luis being the best of them, now that they've been given more screentime and depth, both are much more likeable and interesting characters. I fell in love with them both, and they are the reasons why I even managed to replay it, especially Ashley, she's so cute and pretty and I loved her gameplay section more than anything. The side activities such as tresure hunting and target shooting mini-game are way more fun too. While all of these are ten thousand times better now, it's not enough to be considered worth making a remake because that's not why you play a Resident Evil game for.

To me, the remake wasn't necessary because all they could possibly 'upgrade/improve' in a remake would be the story, gameplay or graphics, and the reason why people love the original is not because of any of those, but because it's a unique game.

The game is so unrealistic, chaotic and goofy while still being creepy, tense, challenging, and that's what makes it perfect. It seems like something coming out of a Junji Ito's manga -- surreal, bizzare, and so exaggerated that ends up being comical. The bodily mutilations and distortions of the enemies are horrifying but these same enemies are idiotic and unserious; the absurdity, ridiculousness and improbability of everything going on in the story is what feeds this different type of horror this game has, for this reason I like to think of it as a horror comedy of some sort.

I mean, Ada showing up in a cheongsam doesn't make sense but we love it and it's iconic because it's the only horror game where you'd see a woman fighting in a long red dress and high heels. The game is full of extremely extra characters doing unrealistic and unnecessary things all the time just because it looks cool, and there's hilarious scenes like Leon running away from a fucking gigantic walking statue, the laser room scene, or Ashley being kidnapped by a abnormally big mosquito. The original didn't care about being realistic, their goal was to achieve what was considered cool back in the day. They valued creativity, not realism.

Resident evil 4 (2005) is kind of a mess, I meant it when I said the game is very chaotic. It's a crazy mixture of things that you normally don't see going together in a horror game, but it works surprisingly well in the end. It has:

Characters based on anime characters archetypes. Ada is the mysterious morally grey enemy-ally with a complicated relationship with the MC. Leon is the cool, handsome (ikemen) good hearted hero. Ashley, the tsundere-ish himedere damsel in distress who's in love with the main character. Luis, the charming womanizer who's secretive about his motives and arguebly an asshole. And all the very theatrical villains with cartoonish speach.

A action-focused combat.

Escort mission (having to protect and guide Ashley).

Humor very present in the story.

Yet it still has the typical horror stuff -- a lack of dialogue and soundtracks that makes the game's atmosphere lonely, the bleak, cold and pale scenery, gruesome and gory deaths, grotesque body horror including disgusting scenes that shows the enemies' bodies being ripped open and modified, etc. All these things in one game is not something you find everyday.

Point is, the original didn't need to be have poorly lit places, jumpscares or anything to be good, because it already had the huge factor of being a distinct and very specific game at it's favor, and what does the remake have? Now that the game looks, plays and feels like every other high-budget game that comes out every year, what's the appeal of it? There are plenty of games similar to RE4 remake, but nothing quite like RE4. That doesn't necessarily means it's bad, not every game has to be revolutionary, I'm not that harsh, but it means that there's nothing extraordinary about it.

Now, my next topic and the most important one to me: our protagonist, Leon Scott Kennedy. He was definitely the main reason why I couldn't enjoy this game as much. God, how frustrating it was to see this Leon onscreen. Completely out of character, so emo and edgy and grumpy that ended up being borderline annoying. Keeping his one-liners and "sense of humor" doesn't matter when you changed everything else that formed the essence of the character.

Not to mention even his humor now is more dry and overly sarcastic, very different the way Leon used to joke around. He had a harmless and silly humor overall (remember the classics: "where's everyone going? bingo?" "your right hand comes off?" [re4] "what the matter, not a fan of sewers?" "got some sins to confess?" [re6], etc). It was the clever and well timed remarks that made him so funny, he didn't really had to offend people or be cynical all the time.

Now he's saying stuff like "give my regards to your god" "i'll give you a holy body" amongst other stupidly forced things, I feel like his 'humor' is just over the top, very edgy and even a little bit cringe sometimes. His humor used to be the kind that would make you giggle because it was smart and a bit goofy -- not roll your eyes. ... Or maybe it'd make you roll your eyes too, but affectionately. Having a smart mouth and being sassy is not Leon's entire personality. When you know his character well, you easily notice the difference. But I guess it kinda makes sense, because they were clearly going for the RE2r version of Leon instead -- which is very different from the Leon from RE4 original and RE6. And the cgi movies, too.

What REALLY got under my skin though, was when when Luis said to him "quiet type, aren't you?" or something like that. That made me want to bang my head on the wall repeatedly until I pass out because this is the kind of thing you would never hear someone say about the old Leon -- this man loves likes to talk, way too much, even. He's anything but the quiet type. Leon is not Leon without his charisma and exceptional social skills.

And in the remake, he lacks all of those qualities and is reduced to a serious ass agent, as if we don't see enough of characters like this. That distinction between him and your typical government agent was what made him so special and beloved. And it doesn't help that his current voice actor voices him speaking aggressively towards people most of the time and Leon is not a agressive or confrontational person at all (not blaming the voice actor, he's just doing what he's been instructed to!) and doesn't carry the same charisma and confidence on his voice like the previous VAs did, and his voice is not as mature as Mercier or Mercer's. I feel like he did a great job voicing RE2 remake Leon, when he's supposed to be a young, naïve, inexperienced young man, but it's definitely not fit for older the Leon. You can't tell me a character's voice doesn't affect their personality because it absolutely does.

As I mentioned before, the whole reason why Leon is so unique it's because of how different he is of what you'd expect a person on his field of work to be; while you'd expect serious, cold and unfriendly person, he's all the opposite. He may look like a sad-tumblr-boy (I mean, look at his hair) but he's actually a very easy-going and fun person with good intentions, and this is why people like him so much. In the remake, he is the sad-tumblr-boy, he looks like he's running out of patience all the time, and that made me appreciate even more how calm the old Leon was. Basically, the old Leon is that cool, chill guy you'd approach on a bar, but remake Leon is the kind you'd stay away because he doesn't look exactly approachable.

His life sucks and he's miserable but he's not a bitter person -- it's the opposite. He's admirable and he is so strong for managing to be like this even with the immense trauma and survivor's guilt he carries within himself. I'm not saying he can't lose his patience and needs to be relaxed all the time because that's not how he is, he might be calm and non-confrontational in general but his hatred towards bio-weapons and those who use them is something that is very present on his character, very clear in every movie and game he's on -- it's literally what he fights for. We saw his more of his "bad side" (not to me tho y'all be safe) in Damnation and Vendetta -- yet it still feels like him. Even if he's having a mental breakdown, stressed out and showing a side of him we haven't seen before, it's still feels like Leon, he doesn't sound or act like a complete new character like he does now in the remake because he still carries all the traits that are important to his character.

I have seen people complaining about Leon's old behavior being unrealistic but I strongly disagree. Just because he's traumatized and depressed it doesn't mean he needs to be salty all the time -- the problem is that people think if the story doesn't show or mentions all the time how the character suffers from whatever he struggles with, it means the character doesn't suffer from it at all.

His calm demeanor, flirty comments and humor were also coping mechanisms, he joked as a way to relief the tension -- his own and other people's -- and as an attempt to calm down people around him, something he was always good at doing. Remember how easily he could calm Ashley in the original, how softly he spoke to her, how he manages to comfort Helena right after she lost her sister and was nice to her the whole time when he didn't have the obligation and had reasons to be pissed at her. His sincerity, good intentions and tenderness makes people get attached to him easily, because Leon is always very aware of the mental state of the people around him and cares a lot. Sometimes I even wonder if his caring and empathetic behavior towards people isn't a reflex of his desire of having someone doing the same for him.

He always wears his heart on his sleeve -- and while he doesn't say out loud how he feels, he doesn't have to because his eyes say it all, he is very expressive, he's always been. Leon is a sensitive person with a big golden heart, and I find that not very well represented in the remakes, even if his interactions with Ashley are still lovely and he's still described as a good guy. They're telling us, but not exactly showing, when it was the opposite in the past. I don't think they did a good job in showing his sensitiveness and softness, which are things that were very present and clear even when he was at his worst state.

And like I said before, I don't think his old personality was unrealistic, but if you think it's okay to completely change a character's personality for the sake of realism I feel bad for you, that's exactly why the main characters are getting more boring and all-the-same each day, like what happened to Jill for example, she's unrecognizable now. Leon is my favorite character of all time and it has been that way for years, so seeing his character getting murdered like this annoyed me to an extent that I considered giving up on Resident Evil (as you can see I didn't though).

I'm not saying remake Leon is bad ー he's grown into me, though it took a few years for that to happen. But it's undeniable that he is very different from what he is on other RE media. He still has the same traits as the original Leon but he displays them in a very different manner, way more subtle, which is disappointing to see because Leon's transparency is one of the most important and admirable parts about him, a man that isn't scared of showing how he feels is incredibly sexy and that why he is so attractive. Like I said before, he is the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, he doesn't hide much. He's a sensitive, kind, good hearted man that will do anything to protect people, and I wish they focused more on those qualities than on his bitter, traumatized side that we know exists deeps down. They could've let this for another game, another story.

TLDR: the remake is a nice game, and it'd be amazing as a individual game unrelated to RE or if the original didn't exist and this what the original release, but for a Resident Evil and compared to the 2005 game it's not that impressive and lacks in many aspects; it doesn't have the same charm and uniqueness as the original, and the changes they did in Leon's personality made the game much less appealing, since his charisma and humour pretty much carried the original game. I'll probably replay it again in the future, because I did enjoy it, but I'd have appreciate a new game with brand new content and story much more than a remake that ended up nerfing the best parts of the original game and what made it so special and loved.

[wytfut]

Deal with what you are dealt...

A simple comment that can confuse. Everyone does this. But most likely not like anyone else or what they may think is proper.

Even people who appear not to "deal with what they are dealt" actually do. They are dealing with it.... but it isn't recognized to anyone but themselves. As in a third party would say, " why don't they do something about that"..... but they are, and you don't recognize it.

I'm one of the "odd man out" types. The way I deal with issues/items/people I'm sure is considered pretty outlandish, or "what in the world was he thinking??" Or.... (I'm giggling here) a direction that no one in his right mind would ever do. My results "maybe different"....

Some of us are very good at dealing with what we are dealt. But are the "us's" really? Is it only because its recognized and seen popular or exceptable, when the end result appears.

Most of the time I don't believe we have the right to judge how someone handled "what they were dealt". I do catch myself though, ... and wish I hadn't.

LOLOLOL..... life is most definitely not sanitary.... judging, dealing, living.

No matter. ...

Generally I'm an "up" person. An extrovert maybe too much. Accepting. As I age, some of this, or at least parts go away. Is it age, or is it me? I hope its age and I recognize it, and try to amend.

But by golly, I still deal with issues every day. Sometimes it seems I get a streak of bad decisions. But when I get it right, it makes it all worth while. Gives me a feeling of self accomplishment.

You may think I'm writing about huge issues, that approach all of us time to time. I am, but I'm also writing about petty daily house keeping issues.

A persons personal values determines which way we decide to take something.

For example:.... I'm a tightwad. At least I consider myself one. I was getting financial assistance for a medication I'm on. This year they decided I make too much money. That has now cost me more than $800/year. Its a fancy convenient medication.

But another very old one is really cheap, as in almost free. I requested my personal Dr. to change my med to the this one. He tried to talk me out of it..... as its inconvenient for him and his staff if I'm on it. I dealt with it..... now I'm on the cheap one. I'm not out for my Dr. and staff, I just had to decide what was best for me.

I think I dealt with it correctly. I'm sure some don't.

Another example, something bigger.... life changing maybe: I retired from Lincoln Hoot and Hollar with over 30 years.

With the kids out of the house, and my position at that time, money was no issue. I was actually walking around with cash in my billfold. Many would consider this WAY too young to retire from a career.

But I did indeed retire. The job be what it may, for my mindset was way too stressful. Alltel was not a Mom/Pop sort of affair. Alltel didn't know/care about me or my fellow workers. Alltel was there to make money. Careers are secondary.

Lincoln Hoot and Hollar, knew who I was, and when I needed help from them, they actually did. For example when my house burned down, many privileges happened to my advantage.

We've struggled financially since retirement. I cannot deny. But we have survived, and I'm still a pretty happy guy.

Other events happened since then and have knocked the shit out of our financials, "if only I was still working at the phone company". But..... we are still here.

My current "deal", is my back (ad nauseum) . Yes continuing on and on and on. This in turn brings other deals to my table of life. My particular example being my "rat truck" project, sitting in the steel shed with a ton of dust on it. My back will not let me tackle this project. ... I'll deal with it, but at the moment I'm empty headed for answers.

Somehow what ever I did to deal with these obstacles, worked.... well up to this time. Dominoes come to mind here, so a true time line may prove different. But then.... its evolved.... and its a "new deal" to deal with.

My inspiration to this, came today to me after watching one of my favorite movies. I was not planning to watch it, in fact I had a whole scenario of things to do today..... now postponed a couple of hours. Patti had just "had it on", and it captured me again.

2 versions of this movie are out. One English (the original). And the American version. Both versions are excellent per my rating. Both were released kind of under the radar, with not much Marketing.

"Otto"...

Boiled down, it shows me how a person struggles with the issues he is dealt, and what he thinks is the right decision/result, no matter how abstract it may appear, to keep himself comfortable.

[captainseaweedbrains]

I posted 7,820 times in 2022

That's 2,060 more posts than 2021!

47 posts created (1%)

7,773 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@rosegardeninwinter

@glorianas

@mermaidsirennikita

@endlessnightlock

@lovely-tothe-bone

I tagged 1,981 of my posts in 2022

#period drama - 459 posts

#bridgerton - 252 posts

#otp: survival - 214 posts

#books - 213 posts

#the hunger games - 137 posts

#perfect movie - 137 posts

#the flock - 134 posts

#dead - 125 posts

#otp: hooked - 55 posts

#pride and prejudice - 44 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#give authors a little grace they are doing their bestthe recent antitrust trial should show you publishing doesn't know what the f it's doin

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Fav Peeta moment or quote in each books?

(Please tag other blog who want answer too)

Thank you 😊

@curiouspeetamellark

Oooooh, this is hard because Peeta is my favorite character in the series. Let's see... I'm doing both moment and quote because my favorite moments don't have my favorite quotes.

The Hunger Games:

Moment:The cave scene is the obvious choice, but I absolutely adore when he's teasing her in the river to help ease her stress over his injury. That scene just really highlights his easy-going, self-deprecating humor and I love him for it. Not caring if she and the entire country see him naked? Iconic.

Quote: I stand by this being the most important quote in the series because it shapes Katniss' narrative and how she moves forward in the series. And also because it proves Peeta isn't some weak character.

"I don't want them to change me in there. Turn me into some kind of monster that I'm not...No, when the time comes, I'm sure I'll kill just like everybody else. I can't go down without a fight. Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to--to show the Capitol they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games," says Peeta.

Catching Fire:

Moment: Listen, Peeta Mellark shines in this book. Shines like the sparkling pearl that he is. Collins made him shine because she knew what she was going to do to him in Mockingjay and wanted us (and Katniss) to hurt. There are so many moments I could choose.

But my favorite moment probably in the whole series if I'm being honest is when Peeta gets knocked out by the force field and Katniss freaks the eff out, slapping him in the face, flabbergasted when Finnick starts kissing CPR, shoves Finnick out of the way when he comes to, AND THE FIRST THING PEETA SAYS IS "Careful. There's a force field ahead." LIKE. SIR. YOU JUST DIED. YOUR GALLOWS HUMOR IS SHOWING. And then he COMFORTS KATNISS AFTER JUST DYING. A true star. We stan Peeta Mellark in this household.

And then the fact that this moment is Peeta's true death sentence because it's what convinces Snow that Peeta can truly be used against Katniss???? *chef's kiss*

Quote: I am a simple woman and Katniss observing him drawing always gets to me. Look at them, being a normal couple for once, drawing on the couch while her foot heals. Just look at these two idiots.

“I like to watch his hands as he works, making a blank page bloom with strokes of ink, adding touches of color to our previously black and yellowish book. His face takes on a special look when he concentrates. His usual easy expression is replaced by something more intense and removed that suggests an entire world locked away inside him... I don't know quite what to make of it. I also become a little fixated on his eyelashes, which ordinarily you don't notice much because they're so blond. But up close, in the sunlight slanting in from the window, they're a light golden color and so long I don't see how they keep from getting all tangled up when he blinks.”

Mockingjay:

Moment/Quote: I absolutely love when Katniss and Peeta talk for the first time since his hijacking. That scene is incredible and proves Everlark would be incredibly obnoxious in a modern au if/when they ever broke up because that's literally what Mockingjay is with war thrown in. The pain and anger in this scene. Katniss' frustration. Peeta's hard, observant words. I eat this stuff up like it's cake.

"I must have loved you a lot."

"You did." My voice catches and I pretend to cough.

"And did you love me?" he asks.

I keep my eyes on the tiled floor. "Everyone says I did. Everyone says that's why Snow had you tortured. To break me."

"That's not an answer," he tells me.

Thanks for asking, dearie! I think everyone who would do this has already done it, so anyone who wants to talk about Peeta and how awesome he is, I tag you!

21 notes - Posted July 9, 2022

#4

I have a friend who hates Peeta so much, because they only watched the movies. They said that Peeta is a weakling and a stalker etc.

What key point or best qualities of Peeta's I should tell them so they change their mind? Thank you 😊

(Please don't answer with, "they should read the novel, it's so good!", I've tried many times, fail every times 😑) @curiouspeetamellark

Hello! I've seen people answer this, but I finally have the mental ability to get to this. So, let's see!

I think it's important for people to remember the time these movies originally came out in, which was post-Twilight movie era. Everyone and their mother was trying Not to Be Like Twilight. Which is ridiculous and sexist and yeah. Not Great, Bob. But yeah, the movies don't portray Peeta well (especially the first movie) because of this reaction to the Twilight movies. I think it's extremely important to remember that, and looking at interviews with cast for the first movie really drives that home. I wrote my thoughts on how Peeta/Everlark are portrayed in the movies and why it lacked so so much here.

As for qualities: Peeta Mellark is one of the most rebellious character in the series and is crucial to the plot. He doesn't just talk the talk. He walks the walk. Peeta is the one who wants to die as himself and not be a piece in the Capitol's game (which Katniss thinks is DUMB when she first hears it and later understands and embraces, might I add). Peeta is the one questioning why they should stop rebellion (IN SNOW'S MANSION!). Peeta is the one who drops the baby bomb, making those in the Capitol protest sending an expectant mother into the Hunger Games. Peeta is the one who warns District 13 about the attacks, thus saving them and risking more punishment himself. Peeta does a lot in the series that only Katniss gets full credit for, especially in the movies.

But his biggest rebellious trait is his kindness. Everything stems down to that. From risking a beating to save Katniss when they were kids, to purposely aligning himself with the Careers in their first Games to protect her (Which he almost DIES for). And then giving a lifetime worth of money to Rue and Thresh's families because he wanted to and not asking permission. He just does it. Kindness is so so rare in Panem (and our world, honestly). It does not get the respect it deserves, which is why he is often seen as "weak." But being kind to someone, especially when that someone wants you dead for game, is a thousand times harder than being mad and cruel. This is what makes him stand out to Katniss time and time again. And she does not mince words when it comes to her thoughts. She admires him greatly because of his kindness.

Another one of Peeta's strength is how he can work a crowd and that is extremely powerful. Words hold power, especially in a propaganda war like the one in the series. He can weave a narrative like no one's business. This is how he and Katniss win their first Game, ultimately. That star-crossed-lovers move helped them gain sponsors, even though he was merely stating he has a crush on her. And before someone claims that's manipulative, let's just think about how any of his statements harm anyone but himself. They don't. In fact, KATNISS (and Haymitch) is the manipulative one out of the two--for good reason! She was trying to keep them alive, but she played with his feelings no matter the intentions. She also drugged him, which isn't a great look either.

I'm not even touching upon how having a crush on someone is equivalent to stalking. I don't want to be friends with someone who jumps to that conclusion because it's unhealthy to think that. Unless Peeta is peeping in her window at night and following her every move, (which he's NOT. He AVOIDS her before and after the games) it's not stalking. In fact, he leaves the ball in Katniss' court throughout the entire series. She is always the first to initiate contact with him, seeks him out.

TL;DR: Peeta is important to the series. There would literally be no series without him because he's the moral compass to Katniss' story arc, makes her fully understand that the Capitol plays these games and the districts and tributes are just pieces in it. He is smart, kind, and important.

25 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

#3

My dearest friend, shall my eyes feast on the second chapter of the much anticipated story “The Flock” soon?

Very soon! Some time in October.

Here's a little teaser:

“I have decided Katniss will be dressed in blood red,” Marta announced that night in her cool, leveled tone. “It will act as a symbol of rebirth.” 

Cecily frowned. “Red? For a Binding? That seems a bit…unconventional.” 

“Perhaps,” Marta mused, stirring a bit of cream into her tea, “But Bara and I wish for Peeta’s Binding to be seen as a new dusk for our people. Samuel’s demise lies heavy on all our souls,” she said, her words incongruous with her tone, which did not sound remotely upset about the assassination of her husband’s father. “It is best we continue to remind the Flock that our family is about progress, and innovating what does not work.”  

“This is a Binding,” Cecily sniffed. “Not a political statement, Madame.”

“Ah,” Marta smiled, “but every ceremony is a political statement when you share the blood of the Mockingjay, Lady Axson. It is best to remember what family Katniss is joining.” 

How could Katniss forget? She was reminded of it constantly. 

25 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

#2

Flock Part 2 Teaser

I thought I’d give a little teaser to those interested in part 2 of The Flock. Enjoy! @rosegardeninwinter

“My lord!” Katniss exclaimed, holding onto her veil in fear the stupid thing would fly off in their haste. “What is the hurry?” 

Peeta stopped them and let go of her hand, taking a calming breath in. “Apologies, Miss Axson. I just knew my temperament was not ready for your grandmother, and my mother,” he added to lessen the insult. 

A smile played on her lips. “It is alright if you are not fond of my grandmother, Your Grace,” she mused, not expecting such an honest opinion from him. Everything about the Mellarks felt so calculated, especially as the Binding drew near, that it felt nice seeing her intended express his true thoughts to her. Katniss took a step closer to him. “In fact,” she said in a half conspiratorial whisper, “I am not always fond of her either.” 

There was that smile she liked so much. “Miss Axson,” he said, his voice warm in amusement, “I do not believe I’ve ever heard a woman speak so frank about her guardian. Well,” he laughed, “I suppose I’ve heard plenty from my mother, but never from a lady.” 

“Are you insinuating your mother is not a lady, Your Grace?” 

“I insinuate no such thing,” he said. “And let us stop with such titles. Our souls are to be Bound in two short months and you will be my wife. Call me by my baptismal name.”

30 notes - Posted May 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Katniss has been Paired beyond her family’s wildest hopes. Her upcoming Binding to the High Priest-Elect is sure to be an event for the tomes of Flock history, particularly if her grandmother has anything to say about it. But the longer the preparations drag on, the more beleaguered the young bride becomes. Peeta Mellark may be handsome and kind, but is that enough to entice her into life as a prudent and pious wife … and with Madame Mellark as her-mother-in-law?

As her impending nuptials loom, Katniss begins to consider her options.

Is she prepared to face their cost?

Religious cult Everlark

Hello all!

Part two is finally here, and only a couple days past the self-imposed deadline! *self-high five*

Wow. So over a year ago, when posting The Flock: The Pairing, I had no idea it would garner the love and support that it has. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and enthusiasm. Part two would not be here without you all.

And a HUGE thank you to the lovely and wonderful @rosegardeninwinter​ Part two truly wouldn't be done without her encouragement and editing and writing talent.

As always, all mistakes are mine.

I hope you enjoy part two and Katniss' journey to matrimony! And if you have not already, I highly encourage you to start with part one.

Read Part Two: The Veil on Ao3 👰🏽🥀💧🍞

78 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

mindshift progress report

So, whenever I embody "I'm going to fight god and everyone else I don't give a fuck" mode, things tends to shift in the overhead baggage departments. When I roll survival and decide to choose fight... well, it takes a lot out of me. I much prefer running away or fawning. Still learning how to get out of freeze. Also, I don't think I mentioned that the old man that I yelled at for threatening and scaring the shit out of me was wearing a literal JESUS SPORTS JERSEY. I made limited eye contact, of course, but staring at a sparkling gold embroidered "Jesus" while I was giving him a scolding for learning how to regulate his own damn emotions was a little off putting. Kind of glad Jesus is known more for wine than thunderbolts. Yesterday I was feeling kind of awful. Things aren't moving at the speed of light like I want them to, especially in terms of my regressed skillsets, and I just... felt the usual hopelessness I tend to get when I'm actually making an effort and things don't fall perfectly into place. Naming my blessings is kind of boring because I'm already a diehard optimist, so a progress report to make me feel better should get me started in the right direction today. Little boost of confidence. Singing/Hobby ---> Getting better and better and I'm more comfortable with it and have made friends and joined a little community and actually LOOK FORWARD to socializing as long as no one really pays attention to me for to long. check

Dancing/Cardio ---> using my mirror neurons in a fun way to embody actual songs instead of singing them in the dark with my eyes closed in the shower is helping me loosen up a bit for performances I think. Also, it's so fun to imagine myself dancing in those little worlds as those fun characters. check

Karaoke/job? ---> Since administrative tasks are difficult for me because my executive function regressed and I'm terrified of another burnout... this one has been tricky. I was hoping my confidence from other spheres would move this along, but I'm still... struggling. Ugh. Luckily, in true me fashion, I already put out a feeler out at the karaoke business that runs at the bar I sing at. I've watched the three women that operate it closely, and I can envision myself doing that job. It's less interactive with the public than waitressing would be. The two women that work there hug me when I come to the bar so I think that means we are friends (even though I don't know their names). The owner of the business has taken time to come talk to me a few times, praised my singing, and made a really strong pitch for an apartment she is renting out in full detail. So she must think I'm okay too. I asked if they needed people last week, but since the woman I was talking to and I are both autistic... the conversation spiraled into something else and I didn't get a direct answer. I likely didn't ask the right question. But I did have the right intention. I'll build on that tonight. Plus, since it's a local business, there will be less forms and applications and absolute bullshit my poor executive function will not touch without sending me into fight or flight. So, as usual, trying to find a work around for my current limitations. check

Kids/awesome ---> Since I will now have two dethroned kings, I should come up with a name for them to keep them straight. Maybe calling them by their horoscope signs for now will keep things neutral. Also, no one can say I didn't try to make it work with earth. Taurus had a work trip, so I've had the kids full time this week. It has been more work and stressful, and because of that I've had to let go of my perfectionism a bit. Today when we were running late for school we decided today was our villain era and played anti-hero songs to laugh about our nervousness. It's all working out even if I'm fucking things up. That's nice. They're also able to be really honest with me in their struggle with the awkward dynamics of playing house with Virgo and not being able to help myself when he's shitty and I have a deep need to be shittier. They've also commented that when he and I start sniping at each other that it must be like how we feel when they fight. They aren't wrong. I'm glad we all get to experience the pleasure. check

So, unlike yesterday, where I was convinced I was a wreck of a human making a disaster of my life... things aren't so bad and I am making progress and the world is ok. Yay.