#also i can feel myself getting better (?) at this?

[asleepyy]

Hi! I'm a big fan of Oopsie!Omens. Also, your art is so good, tbh it's kind of inspirational <3

I've been missing the comic, which I say not to make you feel pressured at all but I guess just as a way to segway into this: mostly what I wanted to say is that although I really wanna see more because it's really good, I'm not annoyed/mad/whatever at the slow updates. Maybe it isn't necessary, idk, but I feel like a lot of the time fans of things can be super annoying and demanding when they don't have any right to expect things from the creator. So I want to do the opposite. Please don't feel pressured in any way to get updates out quickly; your mental health is most important.

And maybe you already know all that, but I do hope at the very least that some part of this was nice to hear :)

It was nice to hear, thank you!! I miss when I could update oopsie omens once a week HAHA but having a full time job and still trying to take care of myself and do other things I enjoy sucks up a lot of my time now ; , )

The next update is halfway complete, if that makes anyone feel any better LOL

[oh-koenig-my-koenig]

returning home

(cw: age gap 26/41; nsfw, mdni, smut, a bit of angst and drama, fluffiness and a lot of tears)

the part before: it's the parts of König that she didn't see

a/n: i'm sorry, this got a bit out of hand :') over 9k words, buckle in, we're in for a ride

I have been a mess those past four months. This has been the worst breakup of my life. I mean, not that I had that many partners before. And the only one I still sometimes cry after is my highschool sweetheart.

But this… we weren’t even an official thing. König and I spent a lot of time together in those few weeks, yes. But we never even clarified if we were in a relationship or not. Dating. Being exclusive. And sure, I was basically living at his place after only a week of knowing each other. But that didn’t mean anything in retrospect. Apparently.

You can’t really call in sick for a broken heart and I wasn’t able to leave my bed for a few days. Sleeping a lot, listening to all the sad love songs, barely eating. Until my mom came by, basically kicking me off my mattress. Forcing me – in a loving way – to get a grip and not mope around like a heartbroken mess.

The worst part was when I found one of his hoodies in between my stuff, I must have accidentally packed it with my clothes when I got everthing together, and it still smelled like him. It doesn't anymore because I have been wearing it nonstop when I'm at home. Not outside though, because the piece of clothing looks ridiculous on me with how big it is compared to my size. I could fit myself in there three times and the hem falls over my knees. If I press my face into the fabric, I still pick up hints of his scent. At least that’s what I tell myself.

The marks on my body faded too. The hickeys he left on my skin becoming fainter by each day, until they were gone.

I looked at all the pictures we took together. Well, more like, I took them and König is also in them. And the selfies we sent each other. The only ones I didn't keep were the filthy ones, because it felt wrong, so I deleted them. But I didn't have the heart to do that to the pictures of us, the ones that carried the memories. And it stopped hurting as much over time. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Lying in bed. The one he bought and we built together, because he broke mine. It's unfair, really, because he is gone and I can't escape him still. Repeating his words to me in my mind.

You should be with someone your age.

It never had been a topic for me, not something I would've spent a second thought on, at least not like this. But apparently, it had been on his mind.

Someone who can promise you that they'll come back every time.

And in the back of my mind there is still the little voice that wishes that he would just have had the guts to be with me. Despite the possibility of him not coming back in one piece, leaving me to mourn him. Because like this, he isn't in my life either. And I still worry about him, because there is no way for me to know that he still is in this life.

He didn't even want to hear my side of things. Or maybe he wanted to, but I was just too blindsided by it all, frozen in place as he “broke up” with me.

Afterwards, when I thought about what he said, I wanted to scream. To shout at him. Even if I could never really do that. I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him and ask him, what the fuck he was thinking. Why the fuck he was thinking that.

Fuck. I’m so sorry, Liebes.

His apologies didn’t help either. Because I wanted to be mad at him. I was mad at him, and I still am. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Because even though I get it - I get what he was telling me - I still don’t fully understand.

And I remember the look on his face as he was crouched before me. When it became painfully clear that I couldn’t read him.

I never meant for this to go this far or… this deep.

Well, I didn’t either. But it did. And he left, even though he felt the same way. Or at least so I thought.

After a few weeks I finally feel better. I’m okay with how it is. That’s what I tell myself.

Not at all ready to go out on dates again. Not that there is any rush. Not that there had been that many occasions, but still. The thought alone of being with somebody that's not him…

I get back to work, meet my friends, hang out with my family, and when they ask me how I’m doing, I can convincingly tell them I’m okay.

Almost every night the thing on my mind before I fall asleep is him. Nothing, but him, and how I wish he was lying right next to me. I still just want him to come back.

And I know I’m not making any sense. It’s just gonna take some more time to get over this.

When I wake up one morning and see the messages on my phone, I don't even realize what they mean at first.

I'm coming back tomorrow I don't deserve you, but if there's any chance that you'd want to see me again... I’m landing at the airfield in [REDACTED], at 1130 I'm sorry, and I understand if you've moved on or maybe we can talk sometime this week if you're busy whatever works for you or maybe you don’t want to talk to me at all which is fine as well, of course just let me know in Liebe, König

I blink, reading the messages over and over again. The little incoherent ramble until it finally clicks. He's coming back.

I groan, putting the phone away, hiding my face in my hands. Contemplating what I should do as the possibility of seeing him again churns in my stomach. And all the emotions come flooding back, tears pricking in the corner of my eye. God damn it.

Men and women are disembarking from the aircraft and I crane my neck, looking for him.

I’ve been waiting here for some time cause they were running late. And I’m not the only one, there are quite a bunch of people waiting. Probably families and partners? They all seemed relaxed, at least more relaxed than me.

I’m hopping from one leg to the other, my hands feel a little clammy as I knead them. And honestly, I’m a little nauseous.

More people in gear than I would have thought come off the plane, meeting up with their relatives, mingling with each other or just leaving.

I already fear that I completely misunderstood his messages, but that couldn’t have been possible, right? Maybe I shouldn't have come here, and just told him I’ll see him some time this week, maybe I shou-

Two more figures emerge from the cargo hold, coming down the ramp. I don’t recognize the man on the right, but the one on the left…

Beige cargo-pants, protectors on the knees and shins. A simple longsleeved shirt, black of course, and a bulletproof vest. Gloves and more protectors on his arms. The band of bright red beads around his wrist.

The mask, the hood fashioned out of simple fabric, red streaks down underneath the eyeholes, held in place by the helmet atop his head. Hiding his face away.

Fuck.

I only saw a picture of him in gear once, when he showed me, but I still would have recognized him instantly. His tall build, the attitude with which he carries himself, gives him away. This get-up can’t hide it.

He stills. Frozen in place, and from the distance I can’t make out anything.

I just stand there, unsure if he already saw me. And I lift my hand, just a little wave, before I drop it again.

Shit, maybe I should have told him that I was coming.

But then he starts running towards me. A slight jog at first, his strides getting longer with every step. I can’t just stand here either, my legs almost moving on their own.

Dropping the bag that hung over his shoulder. His gloved hands are fumbling with his helmet, until he gets it off, just throwing it away, and pulling of the mask too, and when I see his face for the first time in month, I feel tears prick in the corner of my eyes. Running a little faster, only a few meters between us now. The skin around his eyes is smeared with eyeblack, his long hair is clinging to his head, as he also gets rid of the balaclava, just pushing it down, so it sits around his neck, and then…

He stops, just a step before me, not to run me over, but I don’t, jumping up, jumping into his arms, the full impact of my body against his not moving the big guy a little bit. I’m clinging onto his shoulders as he catches me in his embrace. I’m burying my face in his neck, and when his scent hits my nostrils, a little sharper than usual, gunpowder and sweat mixing with his warm soothing scent, the tears flow free, staining his balaclava, wetting his cheeks. Sobs are shaking me as he presses me against him, my legs hugging around his waist.

“I missed you so fucking much.”, he says, his deep voice shaky, and I can’t even answer because it just makes me cry more. “Ssssh, Liebes. Don’t cry.”, he tries to comfort me, but hearing his favourite term of endearment only lets the tears flow freely. “I didn’t wanna make you cry.”

“To-oo late for - that.”, I press out between two sobs.

“I’m so sorry, fuck.”, he sighs, his arms closing even tighter around me. “I don't know how I will ever make it up to you.” His gloved hand is softly caressing down my back.

“I missed you too.”, I finally manage to say, my voice thick with tears, pressing myself against him, and I never wanna let go.

But I need to pull back, only a little, just to look at him again. Touch him. Convince myself that this is real.

My vision is blurred, but that’s still him, his face so close to mine. His gaze intently on me, while one of my hands grabs him, my fingers caressing over his jaw, the stubble a little longer than I’m used to, the smudged black colour around the eye area making him look a little different. He leans into my palm, the eyebrows pulling up and the tension melting away.

His hand cups mine, his thumb softly caressing over it, such soft touches and another small sob is shaking me.

“I don’t want to overstep anything.”, he whispers. “But I would really like to kiss you.”

And I nod, not able to speak the words yet. And before he can lean in, I already press my lips to his. When my mouth meets his, and I taste the saltiness of my tears intermingling with his scent, the wave of relief that floods me is indescribable.

It's as soft as I remember, something that always surprised me. How soft his kisses are.

The way his lips press against mine, like he's searching for something, tasting me. Nipping at my lower lip, his nose rubbing against mine. His stubble scratching over my skin as he tilts his head.

He presses kisses to the corner of my mouth, my cheeks, my nose. All over my face, slowly drying up my tears, and I take a deep breath, calming myself down. He really is back.

When I finally take a look around, I realise that we’re off to the side a bit, but not that far away from the others on the tarmac, so… this must be quite the spectacle for his colleagues and the people who waited for them. Some of them are in tight hugs or talking with the civilians, but some are also looking in our direction, every once in a while. I don't have any time to feel self-conscious though, about being a teary mess.

And the guy who disembarked the aircraft with König comes our way, a little hesitantly, but smiling at us both.

“Köni.”, he says in a deep, but friendly voice, omitting the g in his name.

“Horangi.”, König says, setting me down, but keeping me close by his side, and I wouldn’t have moved an inch away.

The man in front of us is dressed in green and beige camo, quite different from what the big guy is wearing except for the pants. A similarly coloured balaclava around his neck and sporty sunglasses on his head, sitting on top of it in his hair, complete the look.

“I heard so much about you.”, he says lightly, addressing me.

“You did?” My eyebrows shoot up, almost colliding with my hairline.

He nods, grinning, not fazed at all by the threatening stare from König. “Yes. Every time he drank just a little too much, he wouldn't shut up about you.”, Horangi says. “You did a number on the guy.”

I don't know what to say to that at first, honestly a little gobsmacked. “I did?”

“Yeah, yeah, now fuck off.”, König says to Horangi, patting the other man’s back, the frown on his face turning into a grumpy smile.

“See ya, Colonel.”, he says with a grin. “Enjoy your leave.”, adding a little joking salute, before stomping off.

I wave after him, confused for a moment. Colonel?

“Don't mind him.”, König grumbles as I turn to him again, but he doesn't look mad in the slightest bit. “He doesn't know how to behave sometimes.”

My arms closing around his waist, and he repositions me a bit, so the straps on his bullet proof vest don’t press into my cheek.

“So, you really did miss me.”, I say pulling him tighter. Not a question, a statement.

“I did.”, he answers almost solemn as he brushes a stray strand of hair out of my face.

Some of the soldiers are still standing around, talking to each other and the people around them, but I can’t make out what they’re saying.

“They’re still looking.”, I whisper to him, unsure what that means.

“Yeah, cause they’re all seeing my face.”, he whispers back, smiling down at me.

Right, the hood!

“Oh shit, I forgot about the mask thing.”, I say, my hand clasping over my mouth. “I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine.”, he says softly. “They'll survive seeing my face. And I will too.”

“Right, still.”

“Don’t worry about it. I asked you to come here.” He pauses for a moment. “More on a whim, cause I didn’t really think you actually would.”

I take a deep breath. “To be honest, until this morning I didn’t know either.” My eyes pan up to meet his. When I woke up, I knew that I wanted to see him. But only when I got into my car, I called into work to take a personal day off and instead drove here.

“I’m glad you did.”, he says, holding my gaze.

“Me too.”, I whisper back.

“Cause Horangi was right. I was miserable.”

Just like I was. “Really?”, I ask him again, almost soundlessly.

“I was fucking miserable without you.”, he repeats, picking me up again and pressing another kiss to my lips.

I think I don't wanna leave his embrace ever again. But we still have stuff to talk about. Stuff to sort out. And we really can't do that here.

Plus his kisses have their usual effect. As the emotional turmoil and tears dissipate, a familiar feeling spreads through my body, my lower belly tensing up.

“You’re here in your car?”, he asks quietly in between two more kisses. Getting more desperate.

“Yeah.”, I say. “I parked it around the corner.”

“Okay, you wanna get out of here then?”

I just nod, kissing him again, and his little hum against my lips lets tingles erupt all over me. Then we're out of here.

Not before picking up his helmet and hood that he shed on the way, me still in his arms, getting his duffle bag, and I can’t help the little giggle escaping me, because he refuses to set me down when he bends down. Carrying me like I weigh nothing, also not willing to leave my side even for a moment.

On the way to the car, it gets even a little more heated and I’m glad when we turn the corner, hiding away from other eyes.

He’s taking huge strides, heading right for my car, that he spotted in an instant, the small silver one.

My fingers are tangled in his hair, his hands grabbing my ass and thighs, and I pull the car key out my pocket and unlock it. He opens the car door, lying me down on the cushioned seat and I scoot back to make room for him.

Reminders flood my brain how we did it in the back of his car, much bigger than the Toyota I drive. It’s way too small for him, but that doesn’t stop us.

I push off my shoes and get my pants off quickly as he climbs in over me, his shoulders pressing up against the roof of the car, while he sheds his protectors and gloves and shuts the door behind him.

A moment later, I’m folded in half, my knees against my chest, the feet up in the air brushing against the frame of the car. His hands gripping my thighs, spreading me for him.

König is eating me out like a starved man, soft mewls and grunts dropping from his lips, the vibrations of them against my sensitive skin.

“Oh fuck.”, I groan.

His hair is falling over his face, but I just want to see him, brushing the strands back. His gaze burning into me as he looks up at me, the eyeblack giving him a rugged look.

Desperately licking me, my juices glistening all over the lower part of his face. The stubble that is longer than usual is scratching against the insides of my thighs, but I don’t care about that right now, in the contrary, the soft scratch right there makes me even hotter.

It’s him. in this get-up, a little different than I was used to, but it’s him.

When he slips his fingers into me, his lips closing around my clit, sucking on the sensitive bud, something that always made me lose my mind fast, and this is no exception.

The way he fills me up, his thick digits stretching me. His tongue working my pussy, knowing exactly what makes me cry out. His mouth wandering, littering my inner thigh with kisses and hickeys.

The bites and nibbles send shivers down my body, my hips rutting forward, pushing my pussy into him. His arm comes over tummy, holding me in place, so I can't escape his touches.

“Yes, please, just-”, I sigh, and I can feels how he curls his fingers inside me, hitting just the right spot.

I come around them, my cries a bit too loud in my own ears in the small space, and I almost bump my head into the car door behind me as he doesn’t let up, but dives in again. His tongue is toying with my clit, dragging over it, slow, broad licks, and my body shakes and convulses.

“König…”, I plead, my hand tangled in his hair.

He finally pulls back a bit, still lapping everything up, even putting his own fingers in his mouth. His lips closing around them, his lids fluttering for just a moment.

“You taste so fucking good, Kleine.”, he whispers, not breaking eye contact as he meticulously licks my arousal off them, and I can’t help the blush on my face, especially when his tongues darts through between them. Fuck.

Instead of an answer, I pull him into me, to kiss him again, tasting myself on his lips, my hands dropping to his belt, fumbling with the clasp. I want more. I want him.

“Wait.”, he says, his hand coming over mine, I can feel the lingering wetness on them, and I still for a moment. “Shouldn’t we like…”

“You…. don’t want to?”

"No, of course I do, Liebes… I just want to do it right, you know? Make it right. In a proper bed."

I pull one of my eyebrows up. He thinks about that now after eating me out. "We can still do that later, no worries."

"But- I-"

"Yeah, that's all really noble, but right now I just need you." I kiss him again. "So shut up and fuck me. Please.", I say, still fumbling with his belt.

“I don’t have any condoms with me.”, he says, still not helping me to get his gear off.

I pull up an eyebrow. “And?” We did it raw many times, why would it be…

"Did you not... You didn't...?", he stammers, his eyes searching mine.

And then it dawns on me. "If you're gonna ask, if I slept with somebody else in the meantime, I suggest you don't. Because I fucking didn't." Adding after a moment’s pause: “Did you?”

"Fuck, no.”, he answers without hesitation, but his whole body is still shaken with agitation. “Fuck, I'm sorry, I just-" His hand strokes through his hair, exasperated, straightening up a bit and almost hitting his head on the roof of the car.

"König."

He stills, his eyes on me again and I can see the turmoil in them.

"I didn't want anybody else, I just wanted you back.", I say, my voice a little shaky. "And now that I've got you back, I just need to feel you. We can talk and do all the other stuff after getting home, okay?"

Home. The word slipped over my lips before I could think about it. It's out there before I can take it back.

He doesn't move a bit, just looks at me incredulously, and my hand shoots out to grab him which pulls him from his thoughts.

“I do not fucking deserve you.”, he whispers, and then it all happens very quickly. Pulling the zipper down and getting his dick out, the tip slipping between my folds.

He doesn't wait a moment longer and we both groan in unison when he slides into me, and the familiar feeling floods me, the stretch deliciously making me squirm.

Yet my eyes don't leave his for even a moment, not daring to close them, in case this is still a dream and he did not really come back.

But when he grasps my chin, tilting it up and leaning down to press his lips to mine, the tears that have been welling up again roll down my cheeks, the wetness blurring my vision.

I wipe them away, aggressively, a little mad at myself that I just can't stop crying. “Fuck, just… I-” I sigh. “Those fucking tears.”

He’s not saying anything, his thumb brushing over my cheek, a soothing gesture. His lips are peppering kisses all over my face as he starts to fuck me, slowly and sweetly.

I look down to where we are connected, seeing him push into me, seeing and feeling his dick slip into me. As deep as he can go.

With the position I’m in, folded in half, my belly is bulging with every thrust, just a bit, but still. And when he bottoms me out, time after time after time, I inadvertently squeeze around him.

“Fuck, you feel so good.”, he groans.

He’s not fucking me fast, more hard and deep. The sound of skin against skin when his lap collides with the plush of my thighs, loud and quite heavy. And I’m underneath him, framed by his strong arms, holding onto them.

Every single one of his thrusts lets a moan slip out of me, especially with how his pubic bone is pressing up against my sensitive clit, over and over again.

My breath hits his face, the look on it still a little incredulous, the almost enamored smile.

His breath is getting heavier too, rattling grunts shaking his chest. I wanna feel them, I wanna feel his rapid heartbeat against my fingertips. My hand slips under his vest, the other one holding onto it. The soft fabric of his compression shirt is warm, feeling his heartbeat strum against the palm of my hand, as I look up at him. Back in one piece. Alive.

The telltale signs how close he is are written on his face. The breath that halts in his throat every so often. The way his jaw drops. His brows draw together, not his usual frown, the ever-present scowl. Ecstasy visible on his features. And his eyes pressing together, for just a moment.

Looking down at me again, he’s still fucking me, my knees pressed up against my chest, his propped-up arms carrying most, but not all of his weight. My fingers are grabbing his bulletproof vest, needing him closer. The buttons of his waistband and the belt pressing into my ass with every thrust.

But all those sensations get overtaken when my second orgasm washes over me abruptly, just holding onto him, and I can’t keep my eyes open anymore, when he doesn’t stop. The pushes of his hips, how he rolls them into me, getting a little more desperate, almost losing the rhythm, as I clench around him.

He’s buried deep inside me, filling me up when he comes, and groans drop from his lips. His face contorting in pleasure. I missed his stupid face, and apparently I also missed his O-face.

He takes a big breath, backing off a bit, giving me a moment to reposition my legs. When his dick slips out of me, I sigh, feeling a bit empty and the wetness against my stomach as it rests over it.

His big heavy body slumps over me, and we just stay like that for a while. Cheek to cheek. My arms around his neck, his hands softly caressing down my body.

Maybe I could even stay like this forever.

Again I remember the time we did it on the backseat of his car, that was much more spacious. Half an eternity ago. Only the second time we ever did it.

Softly kissing now and then. The little sounds and our breath the only thing in the calm silence around us, until he breaks it.

“Can I take you home?”

“Yes.”, I answer without hesitation. We still have some stuff to sort out, and we should get going.

He’s zipping himself up, I put on my pants again, his cum seeping into my panties now, but I don’t even care and get into the driver’s seat, the doors close behind us.

And for once he is in the passenger’s seat, my car still way too small for the big man. It’s almost ridiculous how his stature fills the car. He almost has to duck his head like this, even without the helmet, dwarfing the whole space.

I chuckle a little, put on some music and start driving.

“So Colonel, huh?”, I ask him, pulling an eyebrow up.

“Yeah.”, he says, scratching the back of his head. “I don’t know why I never told you.”

“It’s okay.”, I say. “I guess, that doesn’t really matter in the civilian life.”

“It doesn’t.”, he agrees. “But it also feels like I wasn’t fully honest with you. Which is shitty.”

I clasp my hand over his for a moment, squeezing his fingers. A little reassurance. I don't care about his rank cause it doesn't change anything anyway, and I also never bothered to ask.

“So, I wouldn't get in trouble for insubordination if I called you Sir and not Colonel?”, I ask him, teasingly.

His brows furrow, that certain look in his eyes like always when I was being bratty - and I missed that too.

“You won't.”, he grumbles.

I can't help the little laugh. “Good to know.”

I look to the side, and there he is. It’s him, even in this get-up, it’s him. In my car.

And he’s grinning back at me, not as bright as I was used to, but still. I shake my head as I look back onto the street. He really is back.

I pull into the driveway, the sight of his house alone pulling at my heartstrings. The heavy feeling hits me, the lightheartedness I felt before taking a little hit, even before turning the motor off, getting out the car and heading inside.

He unlocks the door and goes inside, putting down the duffle bag, as I follow him. I stand around a little unsure, taking my shoes off, before heading to the living room.

When I see the couch, I have to swallow my emotions down, not ready to cry again. The memories come rushing back and I just need a moment to take it all in.

Heavy steps behind me, warmth emanating from his body. His presence so tangible, even when he’s not touching me. I’m still so tuned into him.

And I turn.

God damn, I almost forgot how big he is. He fills the doorframe that has been fit to his height. His shoulders seeming even broader in his gear. His head almost grazing the top of the frame.

And I have to tilt my head back to look up at him. We just stand here for a moment.

“I need to shower.. you, uh-”, he starts.

“I’m just gonna wait here, okay?”

He nods. “Yes, of course.” He hands me his phone. “You wanna order something to eat in the meantime? For us.”

“I can do that.”

“Pick whatever you like.”, he tells me before rushing up the stairs with huge strides, taking his bag with him.

I sigh and take a seat at the dinner table we barely ever used. Not daring to sit on the couch like I usually would have.

Unlocking his phone, only clicking on the delivery app, of course. Searching for his favourite take-out place, the grill with the nice little garden out back.

Does he deserve it? I don't know, maybe not. But I'm not gonna be petty over food. I’m adding another dessert for myself, though.

After I placed the order, I put his phone away, picking up mine instead. Scrolling on the usual apps, waiting because I don't know what else to do. He’s taking longer than I’m used to for the shower. And I can feel myself getting a bit restless. My mind coming back to the things he said. When he broke up with me and then today when he came back.

Heavy steps are coming down the stairs, him emerging in a get up I’m more used to, a simple black shirt and shorts.

His hair is still a bit wet, clinging to him in strands. He’s freshly shaved too, the stubble he had before gone. And I can smell the clean and sharp tone of his after-shave when he walks up to me.

“Food will be here soon.”, I tell him, because I don’t know what else to say.

“Okay, thank you.”

“Your favorite.”

“You didn't need to do that.”

“I know.” I hand him back his phone. “And I didn't snoop through it or anything.”

He nods, acknowledging my comment. “I trust you.” He steps a bit closer, taking it. “But you wouldn't have found anything noteworthy either. My phone is embarrassingly empty.” He looks up from the device, to me, a lopsided wry smile adorning his face. “Mostly work emails and photos of you I couldn't bring myself to delete.”

“Yeah?”

He nods.

“What’s the other stuff?”

“Photos of Mimi.” His smile is turning into a grin.

“That little minx. I should have known.”, I say exasperated, but jokingly.

He’s still standing there, swaying from one foot to the other ever so slightly, and almost wanna tell him to just sit down.

“I thought about calling you. I just didn't know what to say.”, he says, his voice quiet. “I wasn't even sure you'd pick up.”

“I don't know if I could have handled talking to you over the phone.”, I say carefully, but honestly. I probably wouldn’t have picked up.

He just nods. “I understand.”

“I actually didn’t know what to think when you texted me.”, I continue. “It was a lot. After a few months of no bleep, no nothing.”

“I wanted to text you. I just chickened out every time.”, he says. “But Horangi kicked some sense into me.”

“Does he do that often?”, I ask, biting back a grin, when remembering the conversation with him earlier. How he basically snitched on him, painting the a bit pathetic picture of drunk König who missed me so much that he wouldn't shut up about me. After he broke up with me of his own volition.

He tilts his head to the side, grudgingly admitting: “Sometimes.”

“And we all need friends like that sometimes.”, I say.

He laughs a little and confesses. “Yeah, he actually helped me phrase the messages because I just didn’t know how I-” He breaks off. “I meant everything I said though.” His eyes find mine again. “I would've understood if you didn't have time or if you just didn't wanna see me. But I still had to try. And I meant it earlier, when I said that I’m glad you came.”

The look on his face, almost pleading. And I feel the same way, but being here with him still feels a little… overwhelming.

“I-”

The doorbell ringing disrupts our conversation. He turns and hurries to the door. I can hear him talk to the delivery person as I get up and hurry to the kitchen to get plates and cutlery.

We’re both coming back a few moments later, setting everything down on the dinner table, taking a seat next to each other. Opening up the containers of food, laying everything out. Loading our plates up, my stomach grumbling. I hadn’t eaten all day, too anxious and nervous. I dig in, taking spoonsfuls of the veggies with rice, and I feel how his eyes are on me, how he’s watching me.

I meet his eyes when he breaks the silence again.

“I missed your birthday, didn't I?”, he asks, but judging from the look on his face he already knows the answer.

“Yeah, a few weeks ago.”, I say, nodding.

“Now there's ‘only’ 15 years between us.”, he says, matter-of-factly.

“There are.”, I agree. “But it doesn’t matter. 15, 16, what’s the difference.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

I put my fork down for a moment and just tell him outright what I have been thinking: “When I teased you, it was never about that. Our age difference never was an issue for me, you know. But I will never call you an old man again, if there is a chance that you will throw it in my face like that.” I pause. “Again.”

“I’m not gonna do that - again.”, he reassures me.

“Good.” I take a deep breath. “If I had known that this was plaguing you, I could have put your mind at ease. Or at least tried.”

“It’s not on you.”, he says with a sigh, his hand dragging over his face for just a moment, rubbing over his eyes. I can feel the frustration emanating off him. “I just- I tried to hide it.” Like he also tried to hide it when he had shit days. I wanna grab him by the shoulders and shake him.

“I figured. Because the whole… conversation came out of nowhere for me.”

“Yeah, I felt like such an asshole afterwards. I went about it the most blunt way. The whole thing anyway… it was a mistake.”, he continues, point-blank. “And I’m sorry for that.”

If we had this talk only weeks after he left, I would have been so mad still. The distance helped. It's also helping right now. Acknowledging that it had been a mistake, it doesn't make the "break up"-thing go away. But I feel like I still needed to hear that.

“It’s okay.”, I whisper.

He shakes his head. “It’s not.”, he says. “It wasn’t okay.”

“I know.” I reach for him, our fingers intertwining, my thumb softly caressing over the back of his hand. Our eyes meet and I can see his emotions in them, clearer than ever before. Not trying to hide them anymore. And I understand. A little smile stalks onto my face.

“Let’s just eat, okay?”

And I never have to tell him that twice.

After we finished up, he carries the plates and leftovers to the kitchen, refusing my help, and I finally take a seat on the big couch, slumping into the cushions.

König emerges in the doorframe, just standing there. Frozen in place. I put my phone down and for a moment we just look at each other. The same familiarity hits me, but the guilty look on his face tells me why he’s not moving an inch closer.

It's a bit ridiculous. We fucked, we ate together, we talked about some of the shit that went down. He apologized - again.

I softly pat the cushion beside me. “Come here.”

He’s taking a few steps, hesitatingly approaching and sitting down. But he stops there. I look up at him from the side, and I have never seen him so unsure. It's almost a little sweet.

Grabbing him, I pull him down to me and he just lets me. Positioning his head in my lap, cradling his face, and he lies down the feet dangling over the side of the couch. When my hand caresses over his chest, he sighs. Relaxing into the cushions. I can almost hear the weight drop from his shoulders as he melts into my touch. His hand clinging onto my arm. His brows turning up as he looks up at me.

For a moment we just sit in silence and I let the calmness flood me that his proximity brings. Playing with the long strands of his hair. Softly straightening out the waves that always form when they are freshly washed. Looking down at him.

“I don’t fucking deserve you.”, he whispers.

And there it is again. That sentence. It bothered me when I read it in the messages he sent. And then when he uttered them today.

I grab his face and make him look at me. Squishing his cheeks. “Don’t say that.”, I tell him, my voice trembling. “Don’t fucking say that.”

He stills, his eyes flitting between mine, his mouth dropping open a little.

“I didn’t- I…” I’ve almost never seen him speechless, but today every time I’ve said something that he seemingly didn’t expect he just looked at me like that.

“You think it's flattering or whatever. It’s not.”, I say, exasperated. “It’s like I’m on a fucking pedastal. It doesn’t make me fucking feel good, okay?”

“I’m sorry.”

I shake my head. I don’t need anymore “sorry”s from him. “You already thought that before you broke up with me, didn’t you?”

He hesitates for a moment before nodding. Silence between us as I only look at him, reading what’s in his eyes.

“Beating yourself up over this isn’t gonna make either of us feel better. I don’t want you to grovel like a beaten dog. I just want you to be honest with me what’s going on in this thick head of yours.” Tapping on said thick head.

“Yeah, you fucking hurt me by just dropping me off in my flat and fucking off because you thought it was the right thing for both of us. I don’t need you to think for me. I just need you to talk to me.” Damn, I’m laying into him right now, but I fear otherwise I’m not gonna get through the thickheaded stubborness.

“I didn’t mean to go over your head like I did. I was too in my own head already, so it was the only thing that made sense to me.”, he says as calmly as he manages. “I thought it was the right thing for you.”

“Because you didn’t deserve me anyways and I would be better off with someone else, right?”, I summarize. I can’t help but sound a little bitter. And I realise now that that was the thing that hurt me the most.

He nods again.

I feel the jab in my heart. Not knowing what to say to that. It's not nice to have the person you're with express the sentiment that you should be with someone else. Well, it’s pretty fucking far from nice.

He casts his eyes down, fidgeting with his wristband, not daring to look at me. And I can practically feel his self-deprecation prickling at my fingertips, the hand still lying on his chest, clearer than ever before.

“I thought I would be selfish to have you wait for me. And I realised that the opposite is true. I was a coward, I just fucking ran away.”, he sighs, and I can hear the shame in his voice.

His hand clasps over mine, squeezing my fingers.

“You did.”, I simply say.

“And it didn’t fucking solve anything.” He laughs, a barking joyless laugh. “For the first time in a long time it was worse without someone else, you know.” He pauses for a moment, finally looking up at me again. You don't need to be Sherlock to know who he's talking about.

I nod, swallowing back my emotions again, squeezing his hand back. “And it didn’t have to be like this.”

“Fuck. I know, I just- wanna kick myself every time I think about it.” An exhausted and frustrated sigh rising up from deep in his chest. “I don't know what I can say to make it all okay again. I don't know what to tell you to-”

“Just show me.”, I interrupt him before he can go down that spiral. He stills

“I’m gonna make it up to you, I swear.” His hand grabs mine a bit tighter. Pulling it up to his face and pressing a kiss to my knuckles.

I nod, a little smile stalking onto my face. “Okay, good.”, I say, adding a “And don't ever say you're undeserving again.”

“I won't.”

“Thank you.” I lean down and press a soft kiss to his lips, and he answers it like it holds the promise he just made.

When I pull back, I don’t get far cause he is cradling my cheek, not letting me go anywhere.

“Did anybody ever tell you that it’s hot when you get all bossy like that?”, he whispers, a small grin forming on his face.

“Yeah?”, I say, tongue in cheek. “You like getting ripped to shreds?”

“Only by you, Hexe.” which makes me laugh. “But I deserved it too.”, he says.

“You did a little bit.”, I say graciously, and we both laugh.

We just stay like this for a while, holding hands, and I can take a deep breath feeling most of the weight drop away from me that I felt walking into the living room.

He turns to the side, his cheek pressing against my belly as his arms close around me, around my waist. As close as he can get.

I’m brushing his hair out of his face, playing with it. Massaging his neck and shoulders, softly caressing.

He almost falls asleep like that, and I don't think I’ve ever seen him so peaceful. Deep calm breaths. Not a wrinkle on his forehead as I brush over it with my thumb. His eyebrows are turned up. Not even a hint of a frown on his face.

He grabs my hand, pressing sweet kisses to my fingers. “Stay with me.”, he whispers. “Please.”

“You sure?”, I ask.

He nods, not letting go of me. “I just want my bed and you in it, like I dreamed about those last few weeks. So… please?”

And it finally sinks in that the break was just as painful for him as it had been for me. Because I dreamed of the same thing. “Okay.”

He doesn't need anything else, just gets up off the couch, picking me up as well.

I can't help the giggle rising up my throat when my legs close around his hips and my lips find his neck, kissing the sensitive spots, the ones that always make him shiver. My fingertips are digging into his shoulders. The soft lingering touches I know will get him riled up.

He hums. “Glad to see that your ass is still as bratty as before.”, he grumbles, but he can't hide the grin as he playfully places the tiniest spank on said butt.

“Never.”, I tell him before he kicks open the bed room and lies me down on the bed.

We both scramble to get rid of our clothes, pulling them off quickly. He crawls over me, his dick nudging against my pussy while he settles between my thighs and his lips land on mine. His long hair falls over me like a veil, the tips tickling my naked skin.

His hand drops down, his fingers rubbing over my clit as he pushes into me. Carefully enough. And I sigh taking him in.

His mouth is coasting over my neck, making me shiver as he kisses, nibbles and bites. Leaving marks where anyone can see. Licking the sensitive skin, his tongue drawing wet tracks over it. His heavy breath hitting the shell of my ear as he pulls my head back and sucks on the sensitive spot right beneath it.

My fingers are digging into his shoulders and back, his muscles, leaving my own marks with my nails. Dropping down further until I grab his asscheeks, pulling him into me.

He chuckles, pushing deeper, his thrusts picking up pace. I arch my back to meet his movements, my chest against his, the sensations making me throw my head back.

His hand catches my chin, and he’s telling me: “Look at me, Liebes, please just look at me.”

My eyes meet his, a satisfied deep hum rising up his throat. And I never felt more at the center of anybody's attention than in that moment.

He turns, and suddenly I’m on top, riding him, my hands placed on his hairy chest. Slowly sliding up and down his length. One of his arms around my waist, the other on my ass guides me. I almost can't handle it, the way he fills me up in this position, his tip nudging against my cervix. But fuck. I have missed this.

Not just the sex. The closeness. The familiarity. Him.

König looks up at me, the same look on his face that I have seen a few times today, the one that I still can’t quite place what it means. But I love when he looks at me like that. If the warm fuzzy feeling in my chest is any indication.

We spend the rest of the day in bed, talking, fucking, listening to music, sometimes almost dozing off. Until it’s late, almost a bit too late.

My head is resting against his chest, his heartbeat strong and steady, his legs entangled with mine. His burly tattooed arms embracing me, pulling me against him. His cheek resting atop my forehead with the way I’m nuzzled into the crook of his neck, so his hair is tickling me when he moves a bit.

His body all around me, with nowhere else to go.

I didn’t like sleeping like this ever before I got to know him. But I really don’t mind anymore. I really don’t.

When I open my eyes the next morning, I need a moment to catch up where I am. König’s bedroom. In his bed, the soft sheets against my naked skin. I stretch a little and turn to the side, expecting to find him still fast asleep. But I’m greeted with a smile on his face, his eyes on me. Wide awake already.

“Good morning, Liebes.”, he says softly, catching my hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it, and I have to swallow to not instantly burst into tears.

“Hi.”, I answer, trying a little wobbly smile.

His hand shoots out and he caresses over my cheek. A simple gesture, one he did so many times before, but right now it has me crying again.

“Oh Liebes.”, he coos as he sees the tear rolling down my face.

“I swear, I don't wanna cry! I must be getting my period or something.”, I grumble while he presses kisses to my cheeks, softly kissing away the tears.

“I’m gonna make you laugh and come twice as much for every time you cried.”, he says, and the twinkle in his eyes tells me that he is joking, yet at the same time seeming earnest.

I break out in laughter. “That would be a lot of jokes and a lot of orgasms.”, I gasp out, wiping the wetness from my cheeks.

He leans down and gives me a kiss. “That’s okay. Cause I’m not going anywhere.” He pulls back a bit.

“Don't make any promises you can't keep.”, I say.

“I wouldn’t.”, he says, his voice serious and his gaze soft. “I promise.”

I nod. “Okay.”

“Now let me start with it. I already got a laugh out of you.”

“You insatiable man. Let me go get my teeth brushed first or-”

“No time!”, he exclaims, pulling away the blanket, to position himself between my legs.

I burst into laughter again, the sounds turning into moans when he pulls away my panties and puts his mouth on me.

“Another laugh… that means I need to keep up with the orgasms.”, he quips, mischief lighting up his eyes as his tongue dips into me.

I sigh, snuggling myself back into the comfy sheets, grinding my hips against his face. Meticulously he eats me out, getting all sloppy with it.

His hands are grabbing the swells of my ass, my legs over his shoulders, until he is buried between my thighs. They are littered with all the marks he left there. Faint bites and hickeys. And he’s leaving even more. Oh god, I missed them.

He spits once before his fingers push into me, soft squelching when he fills me up. I’m still a little sleepy, yawning once while I stretch. Meeting his movements and touches.

“Feels so good.”, I tell him, and a little smile forming on his lips as I look down at him.

“Yeah?”, he quips, his thumb rubbing over my clit while he fingerfucks me, slow and deliberately.

I barely can hold the eye contact, almost a little shy, although we did this what feels like a million times. “Yeah.”

He slips his fingers out of me, taking over with his mouth again. I feel the wetness on his fingers as he grabs my thigh again, his fingertips pressing into the plush.

In the time apart nothing had changed about this. It still feels like he has memorized every little part of me, which buttons to push to make me cry out.

His own moans and grunts give away just how much he enjoys this, and I don’t think I will ever get enough of him. Seeing how his hips restlessly move, almost fucking into the mattress, while his tongue dips into me, fucking into me, over and over again, it does something to me as well.

When he nips at my clit, I jolt, my hips lifting off the mattress, but he doesn’t let me go anywhere. Repeating the same move and I come on his face. My back arching, my fingers grabbing at the sheets, curses dropping from my lips.

With a deep breath I look at him again, the big man still very comfortable between my legs, his chin and lips glistening with moisture before he wipes it away.

“And that’s the first one.”, he says with a little grin, and I can’t help the little laugh.

I sit up and grab him. “Yeah, but it’s your turn now.”, I tell him as I pull him up to me, needing him closer.

A wry smile adorns his face. “I’m sorry, Liebes, I already...”

“You… what?”, I ask a little dumbfounded. Looking down while he sits back on his knees, his tummy all sticky, coated in his come. The sheets beneath him soiled, like he humped himself to completion spilling all over them, while eating me out. My jaw drops. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

This man. The lop-sided smirk, making him look younger than he is. The long hair all messy. Not ashamed in the slightest that he came like that, just eating me out.

“Just give me a few minutes, okay?” He grins down at me as he crawls over me. “And maybe a shower.”

“But I need to get to work!”, I tell him.

“Who said, you'll ever leave this house again?”

“König!”

“I’m keeping you.”, he says, like a definite statement, while he scoops me up and tosses me over his shoulder.

“Brute.”, I say poutily while I can't hold back my giggles.

He just laughs, grabbing my ass as he carries me to the bathroom. “Gonna fuck you in the shower, two birds with one stone. Still need to make you come one more time.”, he lays out his plan.

And I could never say no to that, could I?

We manage to be on time though, even drinking a coffee in the kitchen together, and then he drives me to work.

He also picks me up again, not ready to spend any possible moment apart.

The stupidest biggest grin stalks onto my face when I head out of the office and see his car already parked, faint drum and bass sounds penetrating through. I run up to it and open the door, recognizing the song as Shadow of Intent’s ‘Oudenophobia’, one of the songs I showed him some time ago.

I get into the passenger seat, his hands already grabbing me before I’m properly sitting. Pressing his lips to mine in a kiss. The simple greeting turning into something else with the way he kisses me. Like he doesn’t want to let go.

“Hi.”, I finally manage to say, a little out of breath.

“Sorry, missed you all day.”, he whispers apologetically, backing off a bit, just looking at me.

“No, come back here.”, I say, my hand grabbing his neck, fingers tangled in his hair, and I pull him down to me again for another kiss.

When he pulls back now, he’s grinning down at me. And I don’t need to tell him that I missed him too. He knows.

König straightens up in his seat, shifts the car into gear and pulls out of the parking lot. (The only thing he ever pulls out of, really)

“What’s the plan for today, Prinzesserl?”, he asks me then.

“Oh oh, there is this new Asian fusion place that opened up a few weeks ago.”, I say. “I haven’t been yet.”

He pulls up his eyebrows. “Asian fusion?”

“Yes.”, I say. “They have all kinds of stuff from all over.”

“Spring rolls too?”

“I bet.” I grin up at him.

“Then let’s go.”, he says, the expression on his face mirroring mine.

I sit back, crossing my legs and snuggling into my seat. His hand lands on my thigh and mine clasps over it.

It’s like he never left. Well almost, at least.

And I know that not everything’s forgotten. It doesn’t work like that. My heart is content, but my mind is still catching up. Sometimes thinking about what he said when he left. The promises he made when he came back. Working out how this relationship between us will be from now on. Working with him on that, for both our sakes.

Because despite what happened and my efforts while he was gone... I still do love him.

And we both deserve it.

the whole story in the Masterlist

i'm sorry, i'm so in love with this man that isn't real :') (well, he is, in my mind)

[euniexenoblade]

Trans gal that sent u an ask a while back about cis gf who said I have "male socialization". She's also been saying I need to have sex with her more cause it makes her feel like "her needs don't matter" with the amount we currently. Like I've been in relationships where libidos don't match and I know it can suck on the other end to but... idk why this is being framed as me not putting enough into the relationship. I just feel so icky! I can't force myself to want to have sex more, anything more than what we currently do would just be to satisfy her and not cause I want to. I'm trying to figure out what I can do to get out. My mom might be willing to help me out if I talk to her about the situation. I'm just really sad cause the majority of the time things are great, and I do love her.

Anon, I really really think you need to get out of there. She doesn't seem to be accepting of you or understanding. It's already been said a million times on the other post, the "socialization" thing is abuse. I get you love her, but love is not enough to fix this situation. She needs to treat you better. If she wants to change and prove it to you, that's awesome, but she can do that once boundaries have been formed and she's not tearing you down over shit like this. Please prioritize yourself.

[raya-hunter01]

Not My Sister's Keeper Pt. 8

Roman X OC(Kara)

Jey Uso X OC (Tia)

Rating: 18+

Warning: Smut; sex, fluff, couple arguing, Jealousy, infidelity, pregnancy

Roamn’s wife recently left medical school and returned home to save her marriage. Upon her return, she finds out things are not what they seem. Her sister is pregnant by her best friend Jey Uso, who is also Roman’s cousin, and her husband is acting suspicious.

What happens when a conversation overhead on a baby monitor blows her world apart?

Boston Medical Center

Two Weeks Later

Kara’s POV

“Kara, you gotta eat baby,” my mom pleaded as I sighed taking another bite of the soup she was feeding me.

“I just hate ya’ll gotta do all of this stuff for me,” I said feeling just discouraged and helpless.

“Don’t do that, what I told you last night?” Jey asked reaching over and wiping my tears.

“To let ya’ll help me,” I whispered as he took the food from my mom.

“Ma, gon’ check on the other one, I know you’re worried about her. I got Kara,” he said as my mom looked guilty.

“I wouldn’t make it back in time before visiting hours is over.”

“Mama, it’s ok go check on her,” I said as she sighed reaching over and giving me a hug.

“I’ll be back in the morning, they are going to transfer her from the jail to the hospital, I don’t want her to be alone,” she said as I nodded putting her mind at ease.

Even though deep down I wanted her to stay in jail not getting transferred to hospital for mental evaluation.

As soon as the door closed Jey and I shared a knowing look.

“A’ight gon’ let it out,” he said as I shook my head.

“What good would that do?”

“It may would help you feel better, you’ve been through a lot you need to talk Kara,” Jey said as I thought about how to even put into words how I felt.

“My sister almost killed me, and laughed over my body. I’ll never be ok with her Jey, and I don’t think mama can handle that.”

“Kara it ain’t for her to handle, I would be worried as fuck if you could be cool with everything that happened.”

“She’s going to try to get me to not press charges, I just know it,” I whispered as Jey sighed.

“I figured as much you’re both her daughters and she loves you both,” He said as I looked down at my chest.

“I stabbed her Jey, like I didn’t even second guess it-”

“Kara, she shot you, and was trying to kill you. I think anybody can understand that.”

“The lawyer said I would have to testify and so would Roman and Trin. I just want it to be done and over with,” I said as Jey sat down the bowl of soup.

“Trin is game if you are and even though I ain’t talked to Roman I know he will testify too. She can’t get away with this Kara. It’s gotta stop before someone gets killed. And I’ll be damned if that’s you,” he said as I burst into tears.

“I know,” I cried as Jey maneuvered himself in the bed carefully pulling me in his arms as I cried.

“We gon’ get through this…I promise you,” Jey whispered, and I prayed he was right.

-----

One Month Later

Boston Municipal Courthouse

 Jey’s POV

This has been a straight shit show. Tia is really up in here on the stand painting a picture of Kara betraying her. I am just confused as shit right now as is everyone else.

“Ms. Morris what was going through your mind as you held your sister and you boyfriend hostage?”

“Boyfriend?” Trin whispered as I felt Kara’s grip on my hand tighten as she listed to Tia serve up her lies.

“All I could think about is that I had just got suspended and I just wanted to talk to my sister.  I go to her house and there is my boyfriend I couldn’t believe they were hooking up behind my back,” she said as Kara leaned on her knees.

“Is she serious right now?” Kara whispered as Tia began crying. “I saw he had sent her flowers and I just lost it. We were arguing and before I knew it, I pulled out the gun and it went off by accident.”

I put my hand on Kara’s knee as I saw the pool of tears in her eyes. “She’s lying and they’re believing her,” she whispered looking at the jury trying to not lose it.

I couldn’t believe myself when I saw a juror crying.

“Kara, it gon’ be ok,” I whispered as she shook her head in disbelief as Tia spun a new web of lies trying to save her own ass.

“No, it’s not. It’s hopeless,” Kara whispered getting up and going out of the courtroom as I got up to follow her.

“Kara, ya’ll are going to have your time up there, and it will work out, I said catching up to her. “Why are we here?” Kara asked, the look on her face breaking my heart.

“To get justice and you will get it, I promise,” I said seeing Trin coming out with Jimmy, Roman and a few other people.

“They are doing a twenty-minute recess and then I’m up,” Roman said as I rubbed Kara’s arms trying to get her to calm down.

“Did all that really just happen?” she asked as I saw her wince in pain.

“Look sit down you’re still hurt and trying to do too much,” I fussed as I saw Roman cut his eyes at me.

“Kara, we go up there, tell the truth and everything will work out,” Roman said as Kara took a deep breath and laid her head on my shoulder.

“I hope so,” she whispered rubbing her chest as Roman looked at me with worry.

“Jey, can I talk to you for a minute?” Roman asked as I reluctantly agreed as Jimmy switched places with me and sat next to Kara.

I didn’t know what he wanted but it must have been important for him to want to talk about it now at all places.

“I need to tell you what I’mma talk about up there,” he said as I stopped him.

“Kara already told me you were in the house when she got there. She told me ya’ll argued about me, the keys, her pulling a knife on you . She told me everything,” I said as Roman sighed in relief.

“I didn’t know if she had told you, so much has been going on. I just didn't want you to be blindsided,” Roman said as I nodded in understanding.

“Jey, I’m trying my hardest here to make it right,” Roman said as I sighed. “I know I got a long way to go, and things will never be the same, but I want us to at least be able to be cordial to each other if I see you at family functions.”

“I know, I just don’t think nobody will be able to move on until Tia is gone,” I said as we saw people heading back in the court room.

“Then let’s make it happen..Kara and Logan’s safety  are the top priority,” Roman said as I silently agreed as we went back to join the others.

The tension in the court room was so thick as Roman was sworn in. Tia looked so calm it was almost scary.

“So, Mr. Reigns on the night in question why you at were your ex-wife’s house?”

“Objection your honor, why Mr. reigns was there has nothing to do with this case. This case is about Ms. Morris showing up there and holding them hostage and almost killing her sister along with Mr. reigns and Mrs. Fatu who was almost shot at.”

“Sustained, Ms. Morris stated she showed up and her boyfriend was there, so continue counselor." The judge said as I frowned at him.

“Oh my god,” Kara whispered as Trin slid over and put her arm around Kara as I grasped her hand.

“We got you,” she whispered as Kara sighed, looking at Roman

“I had saw my ex-wife on a video my cousin had posted. I was upset so I flew to see her, went in her home to wait for her and we argued about it when she got home,” Roman said with remorse.

“Mr. Reigns how did your wife- ….I’m sorry ex wife-”

“Council stop badgering the witness,” the judge said seeing how uncomfortable Roman was at the lawyer taunting him.

“I’m sorry your honor…Mr. Reigns how did Ms. Morris finally get you to agree to leave?” the lawyer asked as Roman looked over at Kara then back at the lawyer nervously.

“Uh, I wouldn’t leave after she continuously asked, Kara did what made her feel safe. I don’t blame her, I was kinda out of control,” Roman said as Kara wiped her tears.

“That’s not what I asked you Mr. Reigns, what did she do?” The lawyer pressed.

Kara’s POV

This man is really up here trying to say I’m the aggressor. Roman looked at me and I gave him a small smile letting him know I was ok and to tell the truth.

“I’ll ask you ag-”

“I don’t need you to ask again, I wouldn’t leave so Kara pulled out a knife and told me to leave. I apologized and went to le-”

“So, what you saying is she was already angry and willing to hurt someone, maybe even kill them in her hysterics. I mean she almost killed her own sister,” the lawyer said as I looked over at my mom who was crying.

“Objection your honor how is the victim on trial?!”

“Sustained, answer the question Mr. Reigns.”

“This motherfucker,” I heard Jimmy hiss as I felt Jey calmy caressing my hand.

“Kara, was upset and hurt. I wouldn’t leave, and even though I put her through hell, do you know what she did?

“I’m sure you will enlighten us Mr. Reigns,” the defense lawyer said smartly as I saw Tia smirk.

“I damn sure will, when she had a chance to run, she stopped and came back when Tia threatened to kill me. She asked Kara did she want to be the reason my daughter wouldn’t have a father,” Roman said as getting choked up.

“You monster, you tried to kill my baby!” Ms. Janice yelled standing up as the judge began beating his gavel.

“Order in the court! Order in the court!”

“I can’t believe ya’ll are putting people through this! She did it and needs to be in jail!” Janice screamed as Jimmy was trying to get her to calm down seeing two bailors coming towards us.  

“Come on auntie, let’s go take a walk,” he whispered leading her out the courtroom as she cried against him.

 The judge seemed conflicted if he should continue, or not as Roman stood up wanting to go after his mom.’

“Are you ok to continue Mr. Reigns?” the judge asked as he nodded sitting back down.

“Um, your honor it has already been a long day can we reconvene tomorrow?” the state attorney said as Roman seemed happy about the suggestion

“Yes, reconvene tomorrow at 9 a.m.,” the judge said as Roman came down and went to check on his mom.

“Ya’ll this is going to be an uphill battle, she’s spinning everything,” Mr. Reiner said as we walked out.

“It’s hopeless,” I said as my mom walked over making me look at her.

“Baby, its gonna be alright,” she said giving me a hug as I tried to hold it together.

As I saw Roman talking to his mom, he seemed relieved as she nodded, and they hugged.

“What they so happy about? That was a disaster in there,” Trin said as they walked towards us.

“Are you ok? You acting real happy all of a sudden,” I said as Roman hugged me, as I saw Jey tense up for a second before I saw his body relax.

“Uce, do you remember when I met ya’ll to sign the papers for the house and Kara was talking about getting used to being alone in the city again?” Roman asked as Jey rubbed his beard.

“Uh, yea, I remember,” Jey said still not following and neither was I. “What did you suggest she get?” Roman asked as it then clicked for Jey.

“Ring cameras,” Jey whispered as Roman nodded.

“Yes, ring cameras…Now please tell me ya’ll got them,” Roman pleaded as I nodded.

“Yea, Jey and Jimmy started doing them, but they had only got to the living room and kit-”

“Oh my god, ya’ll got everything on video,” Trin whispered as Mr. Reiner seemed to perk up at the new information.

“How do you retrieve the footage, Kara?” he asked, knowing I didn’t live in that house anymore.

“When I used It, it would automatically save to my iCloud and the ring camera app. When I was out and about, I could look at footage from inside the house,” I said opened the app and going back to the date before giving it to Mr. Reiner as he turned off the sound and began fast forwarding through the footage from that day.

“Can we use it?” Jey asked as but he didn’t say anything for a few minutes.

 “Kara, Roman, and Trinity come with me please,” he said pausing the video on my phone as I looked at Jey, panicking. “I’ll be right here waiting,” he said as I nodded following behind Trin and Roman.

“Can I help you Mr. Reiner?” the clerk asked as he smiled. “Yes, I need to see Judge Kendell in his chambers this is important. I have new evidence this has come to light, and it is vital to our case,” he said as the clerk got up to see had he left yet.

“Please let him see us,” Trin prayed as I felt like this was too good to be true.

“I can’t believe I didn’t think about that. We could have avoided all this shit,” I hissed as roman grabbed my hands.

“Hey, it’s about to be over…Believe me,” he whispered as I nodded.

“I’m just glad you remembered, because I didn’t even think about it,” I said as he sighed. “It just popped in my head when I was talking to mom and I’m glad it did too,” he said giving me a hug that I actually welcomed this time.

“The judge will see you all now,” the clerk said taking us to his chamber. I felt like I was walking the green mile.

The poor judge looked ill watching the footage, thankfully he didn’t have the sound on, and we didn’t have to see it. I don’t think I would have been able to keep it together.

“I will inform the prosecution of the new developments. You do know this will be played in court tomorrow. Do you all think you can handle that judge Kendall asked as Roman and Trin nodded.

“Ms. Morris what about you?”

“If it gets to be too much, I’ll leave…They have to see it, she can’t get away with this.”

“Ms. Morris, you fought for your life in there that night, and I don’t want you to feel guilty. You had no choice in the matter, and the jury needs to see this,” he said as I nodded in understanding and feeling better knowing he knew the truth.

“Mrs. Fatu, I’ve watched your face throughout this trial, and I’ve seen a lot of this weighing heavy on you. I want you to know that you did the right thing, you ran and got your family help.”

 Reaching over I grabbed her hand in mine as she wiped her tears.

“Told you so,” I whispered, clearing my throat trying not to cry myself as Roman put his arm around us both.

 “I’m sorry we’ve had to put you all through this.” Jude Kendall said sincerely remorseful.

“I’m just glad Roman thought about it and we can set the record straight,” I said he looked at Roamn.

 “You didn’t hesitate to risk your life for these young ladies, its commendable.”

“They’re my family I wasn’t a hard decision,” Roman said as the Judge cracked a smile.

“Mr. Reigns the circus that took place in there today will not happen tomorrow; I promise you.”

“I hope not sir, but I’m just thankful this will be over soon so I can get back to my daughter.”

“I will see you all at 9 am and let’s finish this,” he said standing up shaking all of our hands.

I walked out feeling happy but at the same time unable to really feel it was over until I heard a guilty verdict.

----

Later on that night

Kara’s new house

Jey’s POV

“So, ya’ll didn’t see the footage?” Jimmy asked as Trin shook her head.

“Nah, he said watching it tomorrow was going to be hard enough. He watched and apologized. How’s Kara?”

“I just checked on her..She’s finally asleep.  It was hard on her today,” I said not even wanting to think about the train wreck that was court today.

“I know it was, I couldn’t believe that asshole was trying to paint her as the problem,” Jimmy said as I nodded taking a swig of my beer.

“I wanted to reach over and kill him, like do you know what she been through. What we all been through dealing with that crazy fool?”

“He gets paid to get his clients off, but he ain’t gon’ be able to do shit tomorrow, it’s game over,” Trin said with full of confidence.

“Your right let’s just focus on tomorrow. I don’t even know how Kara is going to react seeing that footage tomorrow. Hell, how are any of us going to react?” I asked, truly not looking forward to watching the video tomorrow.

The lawyer called earlier and told us they had lifted the footage from the app and put it together splicing the view from the living room and kitchen together.

Tomorrow people were going to see everything up until they carried Roman out of the house on a gurney.

The worst moment of our lives was about to be displayed for everyone to see but if that was what needed to be done for Tia to pay then so be it.

-----

The next day

Boston Municipal Courthouse

Kara’s POV

I smiled watching that smile fall from Tia’s face as the judge allowed the evidence to logged in and tagged. They are currently moving the big screen TV to the middle of the courtroom.

“I have to warn you all this is graphic, and does have sound.,” the Judge said as Tia’s lawyer all but jumped out of his chair.

“Your honor, I object this is a witch hunt,” Tia’s lawyer said as the footage was being loaded.

“Sustained…. Counselor your client got on this stand and said her side of the story, now the prosecution is about to present their side of the story and evidence.” He said as Tia’s lawyer sat down placing his hand over the microphone as Tia leaned over talking to him.

She was shaken, that smile was gone now, and I loved it.

“Ms. Morris, Mr. Reigns, and Mrs. Fatu if at any time this gets to be too much you can leave,” the judge said looking at me as I gave him a small smile.

The video started with me walking across the living room with Roman in tow.

I felt the Jey tense as he saw Roman following me into the kitchen.

I felt embarrassed watching myself pulling out a knife on Roman. “God, I look crazy, maybe she was right,” I whispered as Jey shook his head.

“No, you were defending yourself, he wouldn’t leave,” Jey said looking over at Roman who had his head down, refusing to look.

“Kara, we need to talk about Je-”

“I don’t want to talk to you…I want you out!”

Hearing my voice, Iclosed my eyes almost transporting back to that moment as I tried to tune everyone out. But hearing a collective gasp, I looked up to see Tia urging Roman back inside the house and shutting the door with the gun pointed directly at him.

Lie number one exposed…..

“My god, Tia,” my mother whispered in disbelief as the scene played out like a movie in front of us.

“Get back here or I’ll shoot him.. Do you want to be the reason Logan has no father?”

I felt helpless once again, seeing myself this way was fucking with me. My hands in the air begging and pleading for her to calm down as she seemed to love the fear she had instilled in us.

Roman jumping in front of me to protect me.

“You didn’t give us a chance because you wanted her, Roman! You wanted her!..... Jey wanted her!”

I looked at Jey as he frowned looking the footage, but he never let go of my hand. His eyes full of tears.

“Kara, I got your food, twins ran up the street to the store for your ginger ale, and some snacks.”

“Trin Run!!”

“Help! Help us! She has a gun!” Trin hysterical screams fill the courtroom as she leans, over putting her head on my shoulder.

“I can’t do this,” my mother cried getting up, but my dad pulled her back down into her seat. “No, you need to see this, we all do.”

“Run Kara!”

I glanced up at the screen, hearing the first gunshot, my stomach becoming queasy as I looked over and saw Roman getting up to follow his mom, who was unable to stand it anymore.

 She had just saw her son head hit his head on the table as he struggled to get a gun away from a lunatic. His neck snapping back as he collapsed on the ground, unconscious and bleeding profusely from his head.

Who could blame her for wanting to leave?

I was finding people to look at instead of watching the video. I glanced at the jury as soon as I saw the video switch to the view in the kitchen.

I didn’t want to see it…I couldn’t see it.

As another gunshot rang out, I closed my eyes heard my body hit the floor with a thud.  I shifted in my seat trying move, but Jey stopped me, pulling me closer as I looked up at him.  

The ushed tears spilling from his eyes breaking my heart. I felt the walls closing in on me.

My heart dropping  to my stomach as a blood curling scream escaped from my mother’s lips as I stabbed my sister, the swift sound of the blade entering her flesh made me nauseous.

The silent sobs of the jurors making my heart race. I saw many people in the room focused on me, trying to see if I was actually watching the video…They wanted a show, but I wasn’t going to give it to them.

What they didn’t know was that I didn’t have to look at the TV screen to know what was happening.

It was a horrible nightmare etched in my memory, consuming me as I laid in that hospital bed thinking and wondering what I could have done differently.  

The way you could hear a pin drop in the courtroom when the Paramedic screamed, I wasn’t breathing and asking for backup sent chills down my spine.

Hearing Jey’s voice I looked at the screen. There was Jey seemingly in a daze helping the paramedic any way he could.

“She’s dead, Jey,” the joy in Tia voice shocking everyone in the court room. She truly wanted me dead and it ain’t no coming back from that.

Seeing the relief in Jey’s face as I began breathing again as he kissed me on the temple, I couldn’t stop my tears.  

“Kara, its Josh…I love you so much…You hear me I’m here and I ain’t goin’ nowhere,” I couldn’t take it anymore and as calmy as I could, I got up and left, as Jey followed me.

“Kara, stop for a second,” he pleaded as I tried to find a quiet place, finally going into an empty stairwell away from prying eyes.

“I’m so sorry I did that to you,” I whimpered as Jey made me stop walking and wrapped me up in his arms, burying his head in my neck.

“You ain’t got nothin’ to be sorry for,” his voice breaking as we silently cried together, the reality of what could have happened and did happen hitting us hard.

“I almost lost you and it’s fuckin’ wit me but I can’t even imagine what you feeling after having to see all that. It’s ok to not be ok.”

“I know, it just seemed to hit me all at once,” I whispered pulling away slightly, to look at him.

“We gon’ be ok though Kara, we are almost there,” Jey said as I gave him a tired smile.

“Thanks for being here,” I said as he smiled at me. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else, I got you and we can go back when you ready,” he whispered as I nodded.

After about an hour, we went back in the courtroom sat back down next to Trin and Jimmy.

“You ok? We had gone out to look for you but couldn’t find y’all.”

“Yea, I just had a moment sis, and needed a break. What did we miss?” I asked as she chuckled.

“Girl, the defense was so shook.. They waived calling any of us back up to the stand to be questioned. They know it’s a wrap, they rested and gave a weak ass closing argument and now want to take the original plea deal,” Trin said as rubbing my knee trying to calm my nerves.

“I’m so glad this is about over,” I said as Mr. Reiner stood up.

“Yesterday we heard this sad sob story from Tia Morris on how her sister hurt her by going with her boyfriend. When in actuality, Tia did that betrayal to her sister Kara Morris,” he said talking to the jury, briefly turning around to point at Tara.

Watching their faces, it seemed they were invested in what he was telling them.

“Your honor is this necessary?” Tara’s Lawyer asked as Mr. Reiner smiled.

“Your honor, they brought up this yesterday, so I feel the jury has a right to know how all this started.”

“Sustained…Keep it brief,” Judge Kendall said as Mr. Reiner nodded in understanding.

 “Tara Morris isn’t as innocent as she claims to be.. She sought out her sister’s husband, seduced him, had a child with him and them tried to extort money from him. The child hasn’t had anything to do with its mother really since birth.” He said walking back and forth down the jury box, making sure to look at everyone.

“When Ms. Morris realized Mr. Reigns still loved his wife, and wasn’t going to be with her, she abandoned the child and agreed to sign over her rights to her daughter if Mr. Reigns would give her 50 million dollars.”

“Dirty bitch,” Trin muttered as I sighed shifting in my seat.

“Her sister Kara Morris then moves away to get away from the chaos that is her relationship with her sister, and husband. Gets a divorce, is trying to piece her life back together to only have her home invaded and almost shot and killed by that same sister she left Florida to get away from.”

“Gon’ break dat shit down for’em,” Jimmy said engrossed in what the lawyer was saying. Everyone was and I actually felt a little more at ease.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, who taunts another human being as someone they love lays dying on the cold hard floor?” The dramatic pause in his voice captivating the room.

I’ll tell you who… An animal that’s who, an animal shows no remorse. The tricky part though is when Ms. Morris realized she had to face the consequences of her actions, she cried mental breakdown, and I don’t think that’s the case her at all.”

I felt Jey caressing my leg as I looked at him and he winked. “She’s going down,” he mouthed as I nodded, looking back at my mother who seemed just defeated.

“The video we all saw today clearly shows malice intent and while at times unhinged, Ms. Morris knew what she was doing. Now, I would never say deny someone mental help, but I do believe in actions have consequences and Tia Morris has been terrorizing people with no consequences for her actions.”

I nodded agreeing with him as I saw a few jurors looking at me with a sad smile.

I didn’t want pity. I wanted this to be over. Sensing my discomfort Jey draped his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer, kissing me gently on the temple as I melted into his touch.

“It’s time we do right by Ms. Morris and make sure her attacker takes responsibility for her actions and her disregard for human life. It’s time for Kara to heal so she can move on with her life.”

He was working the room, and everyone was hanging on to his every word.

 “It’s time we do right by Mr. Reigns so he can move on a focus on being a father to his beautiful little girl who needs him so he can move on with his life.”

“Oh, he’s going in for the kill,” Trin whispered as I smiled. “Yea, he is.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time we do right by Mrs. Fatu so she’s not afraid to walk into her best friend’s home. Give her the comfort of knowing there won’t be a psycho lying in wait trying to kill the people she loves or even kill her.” Mr. Reiner said, his voice trembling as I saw an older lady juror nodding, wiping her tears.

“Damn, man,” Jimmy whispered trying to keep his emotions in check as he looked at Trin. “Hey, I’m ok,” she assured him leaning over giving him a chaste kiss on the lips.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you have the power to give them all peace of mind so they can finally move forward with their lives… Please make the right decision and thank you all for your time.”

I wanted to jump up and give him a standing ovation, but I had to force myself to sit quietly. Looking over I saw Tia arguing with her lawyer, that cool facade long gone. She was scared.

“Oh, he did that,” Trin said with a small smile.

“Yes, he did.. Now let’s see if the jury can take it on home,” I said as the judge gave them instructions.

As they filed out the room to deliberate, I went and sat by my mom and dad. I had been somewhat avoiding them knowing they were struggling with being there for Tia and me.

They didn’t want either of their children in trouble or hurt.

“Honey, I’m so sorry,” my mom cried as I shook my head at her words.

“Mama, it’s ok…I’m good,” I said as my father gave me a hug. “You did what you had to do,” he whispered as my mom began sobbing.

“What was she thinking?” my mom cried as my dad sighed.

“Rebecca, she wasn’t thinking. She’s so used to getting away with stuff or shifting the blame she thought she was invincible. Now she’s going to have to deal with the consequences,” he said as my mother continued to cry.

“Maybe the time away will do her good and she can get some help she needs,” she said as I tried to share her positive outlook, but I wanted her ass in jail for the rest of her life.

Nothing would never ever be the same again.

As we went to lunch at a local eatery down the street, I tried not to worry but I was so use to Tia finding some way to get out of things I had to be prepared.

“So, when are you going to Mike’s?” Jimmy asked as I chuckled. “I don’t know yet, but he has been sending me ideas of what he could do to cover this,” I said pointing at my chest.

“It’s not that big, so you could easily get like a tiny tattoo,” Jey said knowing I was never really big on tattoos on my body, but I loved them on him.

“Doctor said it would be a few months before I could get a tattoo, I’m still healing. I think I want a little one, but the idea of the pain scares me. I remember your choice words as he did your back tattoo,” I said as he chuckled.

“Man, dat shit hurt, I was questioning my choices,” he said as we laughed.  

“Good choice though, it looks amazing, and I love it. It was really cool to see the process up close,” I said as he blushed.

“Damn, she got twin out her blushin’ n shit,” Jimmy said as Trin slapped him on the shoulder.

“Get out they business, Jurdy.” Trin warned as Jey rolled his eyes at his brother. Hearing my phone buzz on the table, I quickly picked it up.

“Hello, Mr. Reiner,” I said as the table got quiet in anticipation.

“I was just calling to let you know, they’ve reached a verdict. I’ll meet you all back at the courthouse.”

“Um, thank you, we’ll see you there,” I said hanging up, feeling anxious. Damn that was quick as hell.

“What did he say?” Jey asked as I looked at him in disbelief. “They already have reached a verdict, we need to head back to the courthouse,” I said as he smiled at me.

“What we still sittin’ here for then,” he said getting up to go pay the bill.

“Damn, in under an hour! “Jimmy said as Trin smiled at him.

“It’s guilty, I know it is,” she said as I silently prayed it was.

---

Boston Municipal Courthouse

Jey’s POV

“Will the defendant please rise,” the judge said as Tia stood up with her lawyer.

The appointed juror that was nominated to speak began to read the verdict.

“We the jury on the charge of attempted murder in the 1st degree we find the defendant, Tia Morris not guilty.” The collective gasp of disbelief spread throughout the courtroom as Tia smiled.

I wanted to bolt but Jey held me in place. “Just listen,” he pleaded.

“On count two, attempted murder in the second degree, we find the defendant Tia Morris guilty,” the juror said as I collapsed against Jey in relief.

“I got you..I’m right here,” Jey whispered as I tried to keep my tears at bay.

“On the charge of reckless endangerment in the second degree, we find the defendant Tia Morris guilty.” Satisfied murmurs filled the courtroom as I finally felt free, she had been found guilty.

“Was the verdict unanimously reached?” the judge asked as all the jurors answered yes.

“Good, we can begin to talk about the terms of the plea deal.”

Looking at Tia, I knew the theatrics was about to begin. She all of a sudden cried out, and collapsed on the floor as my mother screamed, running over to her with a bailiff.

“Oh, get up, ain’t nobody buying that shit,” Trin said as I shook my head.

“There she goes, always two steps ahead,” I whispered as Jey made me look at him.

“Aye, she can fall out all she wants, it’s a done deal…You hear me, they found her guilty,” he said as I nodded trying not to look over at her.

“Bitch, get yo’ fakin’ ass up off dat floor,” Trin whispered with a hiss as Jimmy shook his head in confusion.

“She really done fell her crazy ass out on these folks’ floor,” he said as Roman looked over at us in just as much shock.

“Leave her alone, she alright..Get up ,Tia,” my father said standing up as my mother scoffed at him.

“She’s hurt Bill.”

“Hurt my ass, more like caught. Tia get up before I come over there,” he ordered as she began to sit up, wiping her tears.

“Yea, that’s what I thought,” my dad said irritated, sitting back down shaking his head.

“Lord have mercy,” Ms. Janice said as Roman shook his head.

“They got her Rebecca, come back over here,” my dad said as my mom looked Tia over quickly and came back to her seat.

“Well, that was rather eventful,” Judge Kendall said looking at Tia as she wept standing next to her lawyer.

“Ms. Morris, your guilty verdict of second degree means some feel you acted in a moment of passion. That tails a 5-to-15-year sentence. Your reckless endangerment charge warrants three to seven years. Now your attorney wants your clean record to be taken into account and I tend to somewhat agree.”

“Thank god," my mother said as I rolled my eyes. I was getting irritated as fuck, as Jey reeled me in with his touch.

“Tia Morris, in taking all that into consideration, and you opting for the original plea deal. Ms. Morris, I hereby sentence you to eight years at the Boston State Women’s prison. Probation eligibility after three years served. Counseling will be provided on a weekly basis,” he said as Tia nodded, wiping her tears.

“Thank you so much your honor,” she whimpered making my skin crawl.

“You’ve been given a second chance Ms. Morris don’t make the court regret it. Also, I’m issuing a no contact order with your sister Kara Morris. When released if you violate the order, you will go back to finish your original 15-year sentence. Do you understand?”

“Yes, your honor I do,” Tia whispered as I nodded taking in the verdict.

“She could be out in three years.”

“Hey, let’s not think about it now,” Jey said as I looked at Tia as she hugged her lawyer.

Justice had been served, but I still felt like things between Tia, and I were a long time from being over.

Could we all really move on with this cloud hanging over our heads?

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[ao3commentoftheday]

I hope I don’t bother you sending this ask because it’s long and not especially coherent. I’ve been writing for over a decade now. When it comes to fanfic, I’d never been particularly bothered by low level engagement. But last year I found myself wreaked by a dead-in-the-water fic. I think many factors contributed. This fic was partially my way of dealing with negative feelings surrounding an event in canon that cut me deep in all the wrong ways. It was a research intensive fic that took a great amount of time. I don’t have the bandwidth to write that I used to, so I was elated to finally post something. I poured some very personal things into the story. I was already feeling anxious from offline trials and tribulations, etc. Situational factors.

After posting, I eventually revised story problems I should’ve reassessed sooner. While the revisions felt good and necessary to improve the work, they didn’t enhance engagement with the fic. I’d never been so embarrassed about an overwhelming views to kudos ratio before. I’d never been utterly crushed over a lack of comments. I’ve had staunch difficulty writing since then and I’m frustrated with myself because boohoo, everybody has a story that bombs at some point, right? Nobody should let one bad story stop them from writing altogether! It isn’t productive to be this upset about it. More than that, it would be dumb to throw in the towel just because one fic didn’t get the response I was hoping for. The Dark Crystal didn’t get the response Jim Henson was hoping for. It’s life, disappointments happen. Sometimes we miss the mark and the best thing to do is keep pushing on and trying anyway. Do better next time.

That said, this just made me feel even more alone in fandom than I already did. The event in canon that cut me in all the wrong ways? Most of the fandom is totally fine with it. A few friends I was eager to share my fanfic with passed on it altogether. My faith in my ability to write is shaken. I’m also scared if I do write again, I’ll get heartbroken and humiliated by failure again, that something has changed and I won’t be able to go back to the old me who accepted low engagement without any fuss and pretty easily moved onto the next idea.

Oh anon. I'm so sorry you've been dealing with this ❤️ But your problem isn't about your writing or your confidence. It's much deeper than that.

As I read through this ask, everything that stood out to me was about your emotional well-being and a lack of support.

You begin by talking about pouring a lot of personal things into a story that you were writing - and the impetus for writing it was being cut deep by canon events. You were using your writing to work through a painful event and to process your feelings around that. You mention other factors from the other parts of your life that made that process difficult, too, so I can imagine that some of those personal pieces you included in the fic were related to all of that.

The time you took and the energy you spent researching would have added onto that emotional toll you were putting into that fic, and when you put that much of yourself into something, it's completely natural to want to receive something back. I think that's why the lack of kudos and comments hurt you more than usual. This story meant a lot more to you than any of your other ones, so this one not getting attention felt like a personal rejection rather than just not hitting a popular trope.

That's incredibly disappointing, and it adds a hurt on top of an existing hurt. You were already in pain because of the canon events and things happening in your life, and now you're experiencing a form of abandonment because not even your fandom friends are interested in reading what you wrote.

Right now, you're trying to force yourself to ignore the pain you're in and just move on. That's about as useful as telling someone with a broken leg to walk it off. 💗

Did your friends know how important this story was to you? Or did they just think it was like any other fic and if they weren't interested, they could just skip it or read it later? If you're up to it, maybe share this ask with them so they have a better understanding of how you actually feel. They might not know how deep you were cut and how much you need their support right now.

I think your writing is just fine and you have no need to worry on that score. What you're actually afraid of is being rejected and abandoned again. That fear is going to stay as long as this current pain continues. I recommend you get the care you need - from fandom friends, from family, from whoever you feel comfortable reaching out to - and maybe hold off on writing until then.

You didn't do anything wrong with your story. You just put a lot of yourself out there and didn't hear back. I wish I could give you a hug, anon, and I hope someone in your life can give you one instead. I think you really need it right now - and you have for a while. 💗

[jx3-xd]

Hi, I was wondering if you could do a Vox x Reader, where Vox accidentally broadcasts a private, heartfelt message he intended only for you across Hell's airwaves. Embarrassed but touched, you find a way to reassure him and reciprocate his feelings publicly?

A/N: Yessss!!! Ofc! I feel like I actually did pretty good w this one ngl

Vox x Reader: Public Broadcast

Word Count: 840

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Vox was in his recording studio, alone oddly enough. When he had entered the room, his crew had asked to join him to help with recording, but he denied it and said it was something important and classified. Vox sat down in his chair, no paper in front of him to read, nothing on the teleprompter, no people behind the aux, no one and nothing besides Vox and the chilling air in the studio.

Vox pulled out his camera and turned it on, clearing his voice as he took a deep breath. He went over what he wanted to say in his head for a second, before shaking his head. ‘All I need to do is say what comes to my head, no pre-planned speech for them, just words straight from my head.’ He took another deep breath and clicked the button to begin the broadcast.

All over the pride ring people began to receive an ominous broadcast from Vox. Everyone listened in…everyone besides poor Y/N who didn't get the message. “Hey darling,” He started, thinking he had the camera prompted to broadcast only for his beloved. “I love you so much, ya know? I love you to Earth and back- better yet, to heaven and back- no no, I love you to infinity and beyond! You're so cute and adorable and I love everything about you. I love your cute eyes, I love your soft, cherry blossom pink lips, I love your death glares and your soft glances, I love your blush and I love all of your beautiful face. And oh my Lucifer, don't get me started on your moans in bed.” He rolls his head back and smirks.

All of hell is confused but also amused, most laughing at their screens ecstatically. Y/N was confused and looked over someone's shoulder to see what they were dying laughing at. They blush madly when they see their boyfriend making comments about how good they treat him in bed, how good their lips and tongue work their magic on his dick, how good their pussy tastes…he goes on and on and into more and more detail. Y/N was almost about to have a nosebleed and faint before they made themselves look away and put in an earbud and called Vox.

Still broadcasting, Vox picked up the call and saw it was from Y/N, confused as he turned off the stream and walked away.

“Hey mamacita, did you like the broadcast?” He says in a flirty tone. “B-babe- that went to all of Hell except for me-” Vox pauses and his screen begins to overheat. “Babe don't overheat just make sure the broadcast is off and I'm on my way-”

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ (imma start using kitties during the stories for time skips :D)

Vox was sitting on the floor when Y/N came inside his studio, curled up on the cold, tile floor and on the verge of overheating. They sat by him and made him look at them. “Hey, love, thank you for the broadcast. I saw some of it and you made my day, even though I was blushing so much, but it's alright that you accidentally broadcasted it to all of the pride ring.” “N-no it's not, I just made the biggest fool of myself ever…” Vox said, looking away. They made him face them and kissed him, pulling his screen close (look it's hard to make love to a TV-). They pull away after a second, a trail of saliva still between them both. “Vox, everything will be alright, okay love?” Vox nods, smiling a bit.

Y/N suddenly got an idea. “How about I go live showing everyone how much I just adore you, hm?” Vox perks up at the idea, smiling a bit. “Mhm!- i-i mean yeah, only if I can show them who you belong to my darling.” He says as he tries to stay confident and dominant. They giggle at his enthusiasm and how he tries to hide it for his ego. They both stand up and dust themselves off before going over to Vox's news chair.

All across Hell there was another odd stream that day, but not Vox rambling on about his lover, no no. This time, Y/N, his lover, leaned back in his chair, shirt stripped off and Vox on top of them. Vox bit and licked and sucked all over Y/N’s chest and neck and arms. He claimed them as his over and over and over, whispering sweet nothings to them in their ear while straddling their hips, grinding on their crotch slowly underneath the table. Y/N was steadily saying praises about Vox, about how he was such a good daddy and how he hit all the right spots over and over to the camera, eyes closed and face flushed. Vox finished up the broadcast by making out with you before cutting off the stream as he took you back to his penthouse and fucked you for a long while all over the penthouse.

“You're all mine, beautiful~”

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[jeffstormer]

On Awards, and the Grief (and Growth) of Giving Up

I made a big life decision at the start of this year I want to unpack here today, for obvious reasons.

As of this year, I made the decision to formally stop submitting my work for any kind of award, event, or industry recognition tied exclusively to a public/fan vote. Further, I would not ask others to submit on my behalf, and would go so far as to ask people not to do so. I'd like to talk about why I made that call and what it means to me.

Before I do, a necessary disclaimer: No shade whatsoever to those who do submit to those kinds of awards, and campaign for those kinds of awards. I recognize the market value in that kind of thing; the personal validation that comes from a group of people announcing you as the best. I see that all, and I'm proud of you for earning that recognition. This is strictly one person's opinion.

With that said, why did I make that call?

The truth is, from the moment I entered the tabletop industry, winning an ENnie was, to me, the benchmark of success. It was the sign that I was good at this. I let it define my relationship to my art. I couldn't stop, couldn't be satisfied, until I held that trophy.

So, every year, I would submit, and every year, I'd fall short, and every year, I'd be crushed.

At times, I could look at the list of nominees and winners and feel confident that we didn't have a chance. Other times, I didn't feel that way. But I was always viewing my work in competition, which warped how I perceived art on the whole.

Eventually, I came to the realization: it's not going to happen, and all aspiring to this platform is going to accomplish is "making me jealous of my peers instead of feeling in community with them." To find real satisfaction with the work, it can't be through that kind of mechanism.

Which is to say: I gave up. I acknowledged "my work is never going to be the kind of beloved that puts me on that pedestal, so all I am doing is setting myself up for disappointment. Better to be personally proud of something, and recognize the contributions made in other ways, than to hold yourself in a system that grinds you down year after year.

There's no shame in admitting you're giving up in something. Sometimes, things are meant to be failures. Sometimes, your best will never be good enough. I can recognize the ways in which my work is special (we hold a world record in Actual Play that will, frankly, likely never be topped, maybe not ever in my lifetime at least), without holding myself accountable to a standard that frankly, doesn't apply to the kind of art I make.

That said, there's also a grief in admitting that.

It's an acknowledgment that, on some level, the goal that I set for myself was a failure. That awards I have previously wanted to win are permanently out of my grasp, that I have failed to achieve a goal. That I, on a very literal level, wasn't good enough to do the thing.

And that's tough. Moreso on some days than others.

But, in spite of it all, I feel great about this decision. I feel like I made the right decision for myself, my work, and my trajectory as an artist.

It has been a profoundly difficult year for me, 2024. For personal reasons I cannot get into publicly. For professional reasons I've spoken about elsewhere (feeling increasingly isolated from Actual Play as an artistic community and industry).

But in this one area--claiming my own satisfaction of the work and using that to guide my own way forward--I am content.

[basicallyaturtle]

never been part of a tag game, sounds really fun! tagged by dear Lanvender, @khan-crete

Do you make your bed? A freshly decrumbed, stuffed animal arranged and dirty clothes removed bed feels great. How often do I do this? We mustn't ask (like once or twice a month) that's all making the bed entails for me, I just have a fitted then normal sheet and blankets

Favorite Number? 4 4 4 4 4! I've loved four my entire life she is like a goddess to me. 2+2 2*2 2^2, divides into halves twice. can only compete with sixteen, whose status and 2^4 and 4^2 is nice, but not as symmetric. 37 and 73 have a place in my heart as the 12th and 21st primes, but not a large place compared to 4

What's your job? What do I get paid for? undergrad lab TA, what do I do? grad research in low energy nuclear physics

If you could go back to school, would you? In school technically still. Would I rewind time to experience school again? highschool no college yes. would I go back for another college degree? I could be convinced if it would be cheap and unobtrusive to my current schooling. Was always torn between physics and linguistics. I made the right choice but I always wonder what if.

Can you Parallel Park? I have done it, on the driving test, like four or five years ago. I think I could do it again, but not too confident

Do you think Aliens are real? Eh, probably in a 'the observable universe 9.3e+9 ly across, it must have happened more than once' kinda way, but not in a 'they've been feeding us tech for thousands of years or are visiting us' kinda way.

Can you drive a manual car? Never tried, hubris tell me yes, anxiety with even normal cars tells me I'd probably fuck up the transmission while trying to leave the driveway. gonna say yeag

Guilty Pleasure? I think like cheesy childhood disney live action movies?, generally I'm pretty full chested about the things I enjoy

Favorite Type of Music? yeah, hard, a lot of vocaloid, which isn't reallly a genre, a lot of edm genres from like old school monstercat, a lot of jrock by way of anime OP's of show's I've never watched then finding other songs by those artists. some rock music though that genre is also extremely expansive and I'm not sure how I'd categorize a lot of it. Generally my music consumption consists of a group of maybe five songs completely unrelated on repeat for months at a time and genre is not a huge factor in that

Do you like puzzles? twisty puzzles like rubik's cube type puzzles are really fun working, towards doing a 3x3 blindfolded but challenging, I used to do jigsaw's with my mom but over the course of a very long time because we'd get frustrated. crosswords, but I'm no good at them

Favorite Childhood Sport? Soccerrrr. Wish I'd stayed with it, but there were only a couple more years before there wasn't a league for my age group anyway, been trying to get back into it recreationally

Do you talk to yourself? I do, but as if I'm talking to someone else. I prefer not to do it because I'm not content with my voice atm, but I find myself doing it a lot especially when getting stuck on research stuff trying to talk it out or I will say a comment to someone I disagree with outloud rather than typing it and posting it. A lot of this is to my reflection which is probably part of the reason it feels like someone else lol

Tea or Coffee? tea all the way. drank iced sweet black tea my entire childhood and started drinking it hot with milk in college. I was the kind of person that disliking coffee was a sort of pillar of my tastes, but then a few years ago made it with like half milk and a lot of sugar and like it, lotta people wouldn't call that coffee, but eh.

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? The actual first thing was everything. I would amalgamate like all the stereotypes of things kids want to be into one so a firefighter-astronaut-whatever else. When I got a better sense of my interests, inventor, so I guess like product designer, but what that meant to me was I got to sit around and think of neat gadgets and items then figure out how to make them like freeze ray, time machine, clone gun, that kind of thing lol. the first practical idea of a job I wanted was theoretical physicist in like middle school, which I kinda am now so success I guess

What Movies do you Adore? not much of a movie person, but like to watch movies other people are interested in with them, love castle in the sky, LOTR, howl's moving castle, your name, probably others in those categories I don't know about yet or have forgotten and I have a strong soft spot for childhood halloween movies like twitches and halloweentown

I'm curious what @arc-archernar and @charyou-tree have got to say if they'd like to, and anyone else that wants to participate!

[bloominglegumes]

hii

i loved your jazterwave designs so much!! and wanted to draw them but i gotta ask is soundwave wearing a religious outfit or is it just a stylistic choice?

thanks so much!!! i'd be super happy if anyone wanted to draw my designs ^-^

for soundwave, my initial thought was simply that they would cover themself as neatly and as thoroughly as possible because that seemed to fit with soundwave's usual vibes, plus in my head, it would also be somewhat of a sensory thing to feel 'shielded' from the world

and tbh i couldn't decide on a hairstyle i liked, and doodling hood + hat outfits from pinterest sort of.expanded into hijab fashion because i just thought they looked nice,,

(put together a few earlier scribbles to make this post more fun, see below for more)

i've read some ppl's tags/comments under my other post + i do honestly like the idea of hijabi soundwave, but i'm not particularly religious myself, i know that i can't be completely thorough or find all accurate information when i go searching things up about wearing hijabs or other head coverings and the reasoning behind it,, and i don't want to blatantly misrepresent real-life beliefs/groups even if it's in fiction (・・;)

while i know that it varies between individuals on how closely they follow traditionally taught ideas and different beliefs can coexist, like people being both lgbtq+ and religious, i'm just a bit hesitant to say for sure whether i want to treat soundwave's headscarf as a religious covering or just a clothing choice before i can get a better understanding,,

though it might also be possible that i'm overthinking fictional characters and i should just let hijabi soundwave commit sins and atrocities?? i sincerely welcome feedback on this hfhdfjd

[philosophiums]

hi sam ok now i would love to know if you have any jji hot takes 👀

KJSDBVDKJFBV trying to get me #canceled i see i see /jkjk

i kind of only have one really Hot Take i guess (i have an uncountable amount of opinions but those have been said before by myself or others, or are just... yknow. vibes and feelings and preferences), and it's that:

gege is a character writer, specifically with an emphasis on character relationships (mirrors, foils, family, [perceived] romance, etc.), but he is not particularly skilled at plot (and specifically seems to struggle with balancing story within the plot), and i think a lot of the current animosity towards jjk would not exist if he had really buckled down on and maintained the level of character-centered storylines that we got at the beginning.

i will elaborate under the cut bc i don't think everyone needs or wants to read my thought processes KJSDBVJKDBV

jjk, in my opinion, has a very clean dividing line that is Everything In The Beginning and then Everything Post-Shibuya. up to the end of the shibuya incident, the story is character-driven (though a bit fast-paced, it still manages) and has a very clear and defined goal (not for the characters, though they also have their own motivations, but for the plot): get yuuji to eat all of the sukuna fingers, and then execute him. obviously a story has to story, so there are antagonists getting in the way, and there are underlying themes and actions that make that goal more heartbreaking, but it is laid in stone right away that there is no happy ending here (yuuji will die) and the best we should hope for is happy memories along the way, while the best we can hope for is the characters figuring out a way to get around this doomed reality. we had a great main cast and a through-line for the plot and, most importantly, circling themes of character/relationship mirrors, cycles in general, and the connecting thread between power and a severing or loss of humanity (which all created a story).

there's a reason so many readers are unhappy with the culling game arc and the sukuna fight, and i think that reason is the really hard pull away from characters being able to drive the story (it's a little bit about pacing too, i think, because the culling games were long and boring, and the sukuna fight has equally been long and predictable). i truly think the worst mechanical decision gege made for jjk was separating the main cast during the culling game arc. it created a "need" to introduce a million new (pointless) characters, and all it did was underline and emphasize that character (as a writing tool) doesn't actually matter to the story anymore.

like objectively it's not... bad. there is (probably) a plot that he's following, and he (probably) has an end-goal in mind and a conclusion that he is gunning towards. he is maintaining continuity and wrapping up loose threads that were mentioned in previous chapters. things are linked. but like.... it's just so, so hard to care about what's happening in the plot right now because A) so much tragedy based around characters we don't know has only made me exceptionally numb to everything gege decides to do now, and B) we the audience have been seated next to the narrator instead of next to yuuji or gojo or yuuta or whoever. it's soooo drawn back, it's so far away from character. and i think that was just.... a really bad decision.

anyway, i think, all else equal, jjk would be on better footing right now if gege had decided to maintain the writing from Pre-Shibuya and stick to a character-driven plot. at least all of the carnage would mean something, then 🤷

[l-ii-zz]

.

so uhh I feel like I gotta be sincere about this even if it's nobody else's business but mine, but at the same time it's more of a little vent what I need atm and writing it kinda helps. You can ignore this if you want. I'm honestly not having a good time. There are some things irl that are bothering me enough to lose motivation on everything. I thought I could just ignore it but it has been like this for some long time already and it's not easy to stand calm while my body knows nothing more but anxiety and bad thoughts over things I can't control. I'm worried, and quite sad ngl. I know that it won't be like this forever but it has lasted more than I thought it would and at this mental state, it has been harder to draw and it's starting to feel more like an obligation instead of something I want to do, so I guess I'll give it up for some time; at least until things get better here or until I gain motivation back. I have been pushing myself to draw but now I think I pushed too much and I don't want to do it anymore.

Still, I hope to get enough energy to join artfight this year since I wanted to try it (and I already have made an account an oc sheets and I'll feel dumb that I did all of that for nothing). No promises, but I hope I will. I'm also thinking about finally open commissions, but it will all depend on my life's issues if I open them soon or not. So that's my lil vent, I'm posting something this Saturday and then I'll just leave my blog alone until things get better here. Thank you for everything as always 💛

[princesssascha]

Summer Glow Up Action Plan (1/3 - Health)

As I mentioned in my previous post, we are going to have the best summer of our lives.

I was depressed for years, but during the summer, in just 2 months I became truly unrecognisable.

I did it unintentionally, but I believe I cracked the code to glowing up insanely fast. That is, if you're willing to get out of your comfort zone for a few weeks. But what's worse? Being uncomfortable for 2 months doing something that is good for you OR suffering for years? I'll let you answer that for yourself.

Thanks to my experience I made an action plan to make this summer even better and I'd love to do it together with YOU.

1. Mental Health

If your soul is shattered, your body will reflect that. By taking care of your mind you will automatically want to take care of yourself in every other way. Not because you think you're not pretty enough or smart enough, but because you deserve to be healthy and educated.

Get out of your comfort zone

Whatever that is. Last year I went abroad all by myself. I was so insecure about my English and I was soo socially awkward, but I did it. And when I tell you it was the most special feeling in the world. It was stressful at first, but I came back as a new person. I think it was the main factor that contributed to my mental glow up.

Obviously, you don't have to travel to a different country to glow up, but think about what's something you'd like to try that you're afraid to do. Maybe it's bungee jumping, going out to a restaurant alone, coming up to someone on the street. It is supposed to make you uncomfortable, it's called exposure therapy and it is really one of the best things that I have ever stumbled across.

Meditate

It's popular for a reason. Quiet your mind, control your breathing. You can also do yoga, as it requires the same things as meditation, however you also get physical exercise! Start with 5-10 minutes a day and work your way up to whatevers comfortable for you. You can try guided meditation/yoga for beginners.

Go outside

There's a reason why people tell you it's so important.

First, you get physical exercise, you get fit, you get healthy and everyone's happy.

Like actually happy. Physical exercise (the kind you enjoy ofc!) and being outdoors is proven to be good for your mental health. So go out. You can go somewhere crowded or somewhere isolated like a forest. You can take your pet on a walk if you have one.

Self development content

Especially YouTube, I get that some people can't get themselves to read books, but nowadays there are so many ways to educate ourselves. I will mention this topic again in this post, but I love watching YouTubers that post self development & mindset videos.

My favourite YouTubers are:

TheWizardLiz,

Mae Alice Suzuki,

Tam Kaur

If you like reading I recommend Brianna West, she's incredible.

Affirmations

I am such a fan of affirmations! If you feel bad about yourself start affirming the opposite? You feel insecure? "I am confident" etc. You don't want to affirm out loud. You can do it in your mind or listen to affirmation tapes. Even if you don't feel like it's doing anything KEEP PERSISTING! Your mind will conform.

2. Physical Health

This chapter focuses on health, not beauty, although they are connected. If you're unhealthy you won't be that attractive, because we find health attractive. So here I'll share more advice on being healthier rather than getting a sexier body. Healthy>sexy because HEALTH is SEXY!!

Vitamins and supplements

You can't be healthy if you have a vitamin deficiency. Get a blood test and start taking supplements for what you need.

Here's a little cheat sheet, although please do your own research to be safe and be mindful of what dosage you can ingest!!

Visit a doctor regularly!

If you are getting a disease it's important to diagnose it as soon as possible. In some cases it could save your life!

You need to go to your doctor at least once a year, but you should visit them at least twice a year and whenever you have any concerns. That includes a dentist, gynecologist, dermatologist etc. Although I understand not everyone has free healthcare and there are many reasons why it could be difficult for you to get there, at least go to one doctor once a year or when you suspect something is wrong.

Check up on yourself every month

Of course, you're not gonna go to the doctor every month, so it's important to do a little check up yourself every month. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

- what does your skin look like?

Are there any new moles? Maybe some spots? Just because you have a mole doesn't mean it's dangerous, but a mole could turn into skin cancer, so please be careful! Here are a few tips for recognising if a mole is actually a melanoma:

Melanoma is more likely the paler you are, but no matter what your skin color is you should always wear at least SPF30, although the higher the better. If sunscreens are too greasy for you or leave a whitecast I recommend Missha All-around safe block

Look at your skin, did anything strange appear? Something that wasn't there before? Don't forget about the inside of your mouth or between your toes. Although not very common, melanoma can also appear in your eye, in which case you need to contact a doctor ASAP!!

oral health

I don't think I need to tell you to wash your teeth, but I will still share some tips for those pretty teeth:

Oil pulling: get a spoonful of coconut oil and oil pull for 10-20 minutes. After that rinse your mouth thoroughly.

Wash your teeth for at least 2 minutes after every meal and after waking up, HOWEVER if you eat something acidic wait for at least 30 minutes until you wash your teeth. If you can't wash them rinse your mouth with water, but you should still wash them when you get home.

Use a tongue scraper! Like one of those steel/metal ones and scrape that bad boy. It is honestly disgusting how much bacteria sits on your tongue. There are also 2in1 tongue scrapers and flosses but it won't scrape anything off, so save your money. Also, only use flosses when necessary.

CHECK FOR CAVITIES!!

Seriously! I don't think it needs any explanation. Open your mouth and show your teeth. Look at how they look. If there's anything concerning contact your dentist.

skincare

Although it also suits the beauty part, what we find beautiful is just healthy. No skin conditions, clear glowy skin. What skin concerns do you have? Acne, hyperpigmentation, redness etc. Visit a dermatologist or find some skincare yourself, although do it carefully. Just because something is trendy doesn't mean it's good. Everyone's skin is different, so be mindful.

Also, there are different kinds of pimples, so check which types you have and how you can heal them. You can have just one or multiple kinds.

One universal thing: SPF! CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!

haircare

Just like with skincare, healthy hair is what we find beautiful. That's why I emphasize health so much. If you're healthy you are beautiful.

I won't talk about styling right now as it has nothing to do with health, but haircare is 80% of the job.

Is your hair greasy or dry? Keep in mind it can be both, your scalp could be greasy but your ends could be dry. Do you have thick hair or thin hair? Curly or straight? If you bleached your hair it means your hair is damaged (because it's dead), but your hair can be damaged nonetheless, so think about what you need and find products that were made for your concerns.

Learn how to wash your hair correctly. A lot of you guys don't know how to do it. Just because you rub shampoo on your head doesn't mean you're doing it right. And when you're not it could do more harm than good. I recommend theblowoutprofessor on YouTube, he explains it well.

Healthy eating

This is a pretty obvious one so I won't get into details, however if you guys want me to make a post dedicated to healthy eating lemme know in the comments!

Eat veggies and fruits, limit Ur sugar intake. Don't starve yourself, you'll have uncontrollable cravings and you'll get it all back.

move your body

Although good for you both mentally and physically, it's important to choose something you like. Here are my favourite forms of physical activity:

Dancing,

Yoga,

Pilates,

Walking,

Horse riding.

If you don't have a favourite right now, experiment. It doesn't have to be expensive, there are many sports that you can do at home with no equipment.

Try to move for at least 30 minutes/day.

[dallasgallant]

As I re-read the novel I find myself appreciative and disappointed. As it’s really damn close a lot of the time, some parts are word for word and there’s little details here and there but then it’ll loose these pretty important moments. The biggest for me being how cut down the drive in scene is. Not only because there are some funny quippy parts to it but also so much world building and character work.

The whole reason Marcia cracks her “you just burry him no sweat.” joke is because Greaser fighting is wildly complicated! It’s fascinating to how two bit explains it.

To a greaser violence becomes almost like another form of communication, blowing off steam, solving an argument- getting the anger out of the way now so there’s less grudge holding and more solidarity. They have self made rules and honor that holds them to their system of fairness. You back up your friends when they ask you but sometimes it’s their fight alone— Dally’s getting what’s coming to him for slashing those tires, they ain’t cheap and it’s a poor community. Tim will whip him and they’re back to buddies by the end of the night. Big fights, real fights - rumbles- are organized with rules and this weird sense of civility.

There’s this weird mix of “Boys will be boys” roughhouse with “got to be tough to survive” raised in violence survivalism.

Meanwhile,the Soc’s are a lot less warm with their approach to fighting its “cold and impersonal” like they handle all things. Though honestly I’d argue it’s a lot more personal— not fighting for communication but because one can or to exert power. They don’t fight fair, they hold those grudges and there’s no solidarity to that. Ponyboy describes them best as “a snarling pack”. Their violence is rooted in the same systems and misfortunes Greasers face - in that what perpetuates violence is a bit universal. The difference is a greaser will help a guy up and maybe get him an ice pack where as a Soc will just leave you in the street for the sake of appearance or dominance, it’s not enough that they beat you. Nothing is ever enough, like Cheryl mentions they can never be satisfied.

“It’s not the money it’s feeling— you don’t feel anything and we feel too violently.”

I’ll keep mentioning that quote until I’m blue in the face honestly, it goes right alongside “things are rough everywhere.” Differences stem especially from their reactions and behaviors in response to what’s rough. Some hardships are universal but don’t mishear me as a good portion of it is also class issues because the Reason a Soc might drink himself into oblivion is way different from why a Greaser might.

Beyond Two-bits explaination I’m sad we loose more of the talk between Cherry and Pony on emotions and money. How people are people and they’re all a lot more similar than one might think (despite the contrasting I’ve been doing in this post it’s very true). And talking about his brothers. In the movie it’s a little weird as he only brought up Soda once but she “feels like she knows him” and he brings up sunsets to her later in the movie and they never mentioned it here! Unless they’re trying to imply they had more of a convo on the short walk to the parking lot but I’m not buying that.

Ponyboy being resentful (not that he’s wrong for it) because how hard everyone he knows has it compared to Soc’s. How he has to learn though the novel that “things are rough all over” isn’t that everyone has the same troubles/level of trouble. As they’re certainly worse off; it’s about empathy and everyone being human. That some might be better off but that doesn’t mean they’re entirely without problems. That not everyone is out for a fight all the time.

It’s just a shame as this scene adds so much context to the world, social circles and the moral of the literal freaking novel. The compare/contrast with their lives is pretty important… I digress.

[hilacopter]

You say ur a zionist depending on the definition but you believe jews are indigenous to the levant? That is the definition why don't you just call urself a zionist

see the thing is I genuinely think a lot of the whole zionism controversy mostly stems from a giant stupid misunderstanding and people not being properly informed. me telling someone I'm a zionist can either give them the right idea or the completely wrong idea.

let me paint a picture for you: a self-identified zionist and a self-identified anti-zionist walk into a bar. the zionist thinks the definition of zionism is wanting a Jewish state in the Levant, they want peace and a two-state solution. the anti-zionist thinks zionism is kahanism, they want peace and a two-state solution. "are you a zionist?" the anti-zionist asks, "yes" the zionist answers, and they immediately get into an argument. "anti-zionism is antisemitism!" the zionist shouts, "zionists are fascists!" the anti-zionist yells. of course this could all have blown over peacefully if they had asked eachother what zionism is, but why would they need to? what else could the word possibly mean?

I respect people on this site who identify as zionists, providing of course their meaning is wanting Jewish self-determination and not denying the right to Palestinian life and self-determination alongside us (remember I'm literally saying all this as an Israeli, if anyone wants Jewish self-determination in Israel it's me because my life quite literally depends on it). but I feel like they create a lot of unnecessary conflict for themselves by identifying as such and in most cases not explicitly stating what they mean by zionism. I know there's the desire to make dumb people understand the actual definition of the word, but with how much the misconceptions have already been set in stone I think it's a battle we cannot win.

there's more to all this though, buckle up for a pretty long post because I have a lot to say which I won't religate to the tags for once. first of all, I genuinely think a lot of anti-zionists, especially on the younger side (saying this as a minor myself), do not even have a solid definition of zionism in their head. they just see all of their peers shitting on it and follow along, making up whatever zionism means in their head along the way. since in leftist spaces it's not very acceptable to actually ask about the cause, why everyone is doing what they're doing. you have to take everything for granted, after all you wouldn't want to look uneducated by not knowing what zionism is! (this aspect of leftism 100% comes from cultural christianity btw)

there are also many anti-zionists who, at least to some extent, do know zionism means self-determination of Jews in the Levant and wanting Israel to exist. a lot of which think Israel is a white colonizer state, unaware of the history of the region, how more than there are ashkenazi Jews in Israel there are mizrachi Jews expelled from Arab nations, and are unaware of Jewish indigeneity to the Levant. how this land was originally Judea, only renamed Syria-Palaestina after being conquered from us and having most of us expelled. unfortunately the vast majority of pro-pal activists are very much simply jumping on the trendy train, not bothering to actually do their own research about the history of this insanely complex conflict and simply know everything by word of mouth from other equally uneducated leftists. I do think a lot of these people genuinely just don't know and aren't actively denying Jewish history on purpose, I've had like two cases happen where I told anti-zionists of this sort about Jewish indigeneity to the Levant and they just went "really? I had no idea". but of course for every person like that, there will be a person who will double down and dismiss it as propaganda, a myth and a fairytale. those people can go fuck themselves, clinging desperately to their half-assed worldview rather than willing to own up to being wrong and better themselves. denying Jewish history. or in a rare case of exceptional shittiness an anti-zionist can view zionism as wanting Jewish self-determination in the Levant and know that Jews are indigenous, yet still choose to identify as an anti-zionist by that definition for what can be a myriad of horrible reasons, usually complete tride and true antisemitism.

so in conclusion, I don't identify as a zionist outright until I know what kind of anti-zionist is asking me the question. is it an anti-zionist who just wants peace as much as I do, or is it an anti-zionist who wants me and my family dead? I've had people call me a zionist, non-zionist, anti-zionist and I don't really know what to expect each time. I feel like this approach leaves the most room for me to open good faith discussions with people and educate them on the subject as someone who actually knows xir shit, more than the average pro-pal at least, rather than having them immediately dismiss me as whatever definition of a zionist they have. not that good faith discussions are easy to have with people on tumblr dot com, and really online in general, but I'd rather have the option in the rare case of an actual open-minded individual who is willing to listen to Jews and better themself.

[greenqueenhightower]

I can understand why people like Rhaenyra. I can understand why Alicent isn't to everyone's taste. I still don't understand how she is so hated for behaving like a human considering the gaslighting and abuse she's been through, and how she has much less free agency than Rhaenyra. It was reading through the horrific and vitriolic extreme takes on Alicent that made me side with her. And something about Rhaenyra and her mean diehards just remind me so much of white feminism. I feel like it's no coincidence I see way more WoC tending to sympathize with Alicent, as a WoC myself. The gaslighting and watching someone else consistently get away with things you wouldn't while being trapped in a cage is all too relatable. The rules dont apply to Rhaenyra and Rhaenyra only. And seeing Rhaenyra being the only one in the narrative made to look extra sympathetic (like the double birth scenes, as if all births aren't horrific and like Alicent didn't give birth even younger too). I also hate how despite their efforts in diverse casting, black actors are just backdrops or tools to make Rhaenyra and TB look better and how they're disposable to move the plot forward for her. This matter has been brought up in the TG subreddit thank God I was not the only one who saw that. Now it seems like they're even butchering B&C to absolve TB. 🙂🙃 Girl I am not ready for the blind Rhaenyra dickriding and Alicent victim blaming to come this season. You'll know it'll be misogyny and double standards all around. The suffering Alicent endured in Season 1 will be even more disregarded.

Hi anon! 💚

Alicent isn't to everyone's taste because to understand her character, motivations, and aspirations, one needs to take the whole show as context, instead of some stand-alone scenes that provide dissatisfaction or lack the "wow"/"badass" factor that the average got/hotd viewer is used to.

I understand how Rhaenyra's character appeals to people because she is the female Targaryen heir, desires the best for her children, and is determined to honor her cause and her late father's wishes to serve the realm. Rhaenyra believes so much in herself; Alicent doesn't. Rhaenyra's overconfidence, her "flouting to do as she pleases" is what is so attractive to a lot of viewers, me included, because, well, she doesn't give a damn. She can go against the conventions of her time because she has already entered the game in a good battle formation, has the means, and is ready to play it (I'm trying to go for a chess analogy here as we saw in the promo, bear with me).

Alicent on the other hand, has entered the game as a foreigner. She did not wish this, she has no historical ties to rulership, no dragon blood to base her confidence on, and no pride in taming and riding wild beasts. She is common as Rhaenyra is exotic. What Alicent has and brings to the game is "honor, duty, sacrifice." These values alone make Alicent compelling and intriguing because they are very subtle qualities and principles that one needs to notice to comprehend her character. They are not as easily identifiable as riding a dragon or slicing a wild boar.

Yet they are equally powerful, because as Rhaenyra plays the game in the open field, being free to make her own decisions, unstoppable in always getting what she wants and being able to claim it herself, Alicent plays the game behind closed doors, in septs, praying to the seven, following directions, seeking council, and moving strategically. Rhaenyra's battle is more visually impactful, but Alicent's is equally moving if one cares to observe and understand it properly.

Therefore, what you are saying about WoC standing by Alicent makes perfect sense because the motivations and experiences as well as the feeling of always having to try twice as hard to achieve what is simply given to others is a point of connection for WoC.

You also very poignantly highlight the show's "humanization" of Rhaenyra through two birth scenes, because again, she is this exotic being whom the audience loves to aspire to, but we must also not forget that she is special while also being human. Alicent's suffering in S1 very much humanizes her in my eyes and is precisely also what distinguishes her from a commoner. She becomes a strong woman who doesn’t shy away in the fear of danger, learns to hold her head high and pushes forward the interests of herself and her children. The hate Alicent receives is uncalled for, and it stems from a misreading of her character, despite being the most interesting character in hotd in my opinion.

I’m glad you decided to stan Alicent after reading all the horrific takes about her! There are so many people in the fandom who want to vilify her, but there are also many who totally connect to her and sympathize with her character, like queer people, WoC, etc.

I didn’t like what the show did with black characters in s1 either. They served mostly as props and had brutal deaths. For S2, it does seem as if the show will want to downgrade the events of B&C and continue emphasize the narrative of Rhaenyra’s superiority (and the Greens and Alicent will be blamed and hated a lot this season), but I honestly stopped reading leaks and spoilers because they affect me a lot. I’d rather wait and see what the producers decide to do with their portrayal and then comment on the events. I’m so scared about B&C though and how this will affect the Greens’ arc and their perception by the public, but again, I’ll be standing by Alicent’s side till the end lol. 💚

[crowleysgirl56]

Concerning the reactions to the comment David made to a young woman about the ending of Good Omens season 3 (including mine).

Firstly let me start by saying that most of my posts are to be taken a jokes. They are written to be mostly tongue in cheek, sarcastic and (what I think) are hilarious. So even though my previous post about freaking out about what David said might seem like I was legitimately panicking I just want to say that it was a joke and please don’t take it too seriously. Honestly I hope it just made you laugh, and you continued scrolling. If my post caused anyone to further their own anxiety or freak out, I apologise. If my post contributed to the fandom as a whole slightly losing their minds, I also apologise.

For those of you who took your reactions to David’s comment a step further and threatened that poor girl, insulted her, or were just generally mean to her, stop it! Don’t do that! Don’t be awful. Please be kind. Go and apologise!

With that out of the way, I did want to do a quick* analysis of the comment and perhaps address why people (and to a little extend myself) are feeling nervous.

To begin with, Neil has previously said (and this is a really good point), David was speaking directly to a fan, and was unaware he was being filmed. So when he says “maybe it’s not the ending you want”, he’s speaking directly to the person who asked him. We don’t know the context of their interaction beforehand and maybe she (or anyone else) had already expressed what their desire for the ending is, so this was his response. However taken out of context, the fandom has put themselves in the shoes of the person asking the question and therefore inserted themselves into the you part. The ending might not be want we want or expect. And considering the number of discussions the fandom participates in, the number of headcanons the fandom throw around, and the number of fanfics being written and read, whatever ending Neil has written is not going to satisfy everyone. It’s impossible to. But that is the same of any fandom really.

Speaking of fandoms, yes we are collectively nervous for a few reasons. One, for a good month there, we were convinced that the ending of season 2 was what the end of that story was going to be. Then when it was announced there’s still one more story to tell, there was another four months before it was finally confirmed that we were going to get that story. Two, case in point Game of Thrones. I don’t think I need to explain anymore than that. We have been burned before and now we’re worried it could happen again (though I will point out here, Neil has a better handle of storytelling and the love, devotion, and desire to finish a story that is beloved to him and is effectively a love letter to his best friend, compared to two TV producers who got bored and wanted to move onto other projects…). Three, filming is still 6 months away, and the premiere likely another year after that. A lot can happen in that time. So after these experiences, I can appreciate why people get nervous and a little in their heads about things.

In terms of the immediate reaction to what this could mean for the ending itself, I honestly cannot fathom how some people have managed to draw a straight line from “It might not be the ending you want” to “Terry would absolutely hate it”. Like, that just boggles my mind. HOW do you extrapolate that? David then immediately said “It’s a good ending”. So I think it’s safe to say that it will be good.

So let’s talk about endings and what people are mostly worried about.

1) Crowley and Aziraphale become human. This isn’t going to happen. Mainly because Neil has joked multiple times that this is the ending. Therefore if he says “this is what will happen” I’m pretty confident that this is what definitely won’t happen. You know after season 2, I ended up writing my own little fan fiction about them becoming human. I thought it was sweet and cute. Then I saw a lot of people absolutely hate that idea, so I never published it anywhere. Oh well.

2) Either one or both of them will die. Also not going to happen. Something tells me that Neil would not participate in the “bury your gays” trope. I do think that maybe there might be a non-permanent death or near death in the climax. But both will live, I’m positive of this.

3) Sex. I’ve spoken about this before. We’re not getting hardcore sexual activity. This is not the show for that. Neil has said before he’s not into writing that kind of thing. Do I think we’ll get more kissing? Yes. Do I think there will be implied sex? Maybe, hopefully, I’m wishing for it. But there is not going to be actual sex folks. Please make your way to AO3 for your reading pleasure.

4) The South Downs. And now we get to what I’m most worried about. That we won’t get what everyone assumes the ending will actually be. Crowley and Aziraphale retired and living in the South Downs. Will I be disappointed if this doesn’t happen? Absolutely. Will I lament here about it? Sure, probably. Will I send Neil abusive messages about how he destroyed and ruined the ending? NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! AND DON’T ANYONE ELSE DO THAT EITHER!

So, will the ending be what we want? There is every chance that it will be, but always a possibility that it won’t be. This is the nature of storytelling. You will never satisfy everyone. Will the ending be good? I have no doubt in my mind that it will be. David says it’s a good. I trust him. Neil says it will be good. I very much trust him.

This is a comedy, first and foremost. Comedies have happy endings. Let’s just take a collective breath and believe it to be so.

*by “quick” I actually meant “really long”. Sorry about that.