#also i have no idea who this ask was for and this is literally the only lesbian ask i have on my inbox

[cheftsunoda]

hiii!

I love your writing sooo much and I just had an idea for a story with Lando (if you write for him)

The idea came to me when I was watching one of his interviews in which he gets asked if he likes cats or dogs and he says that he's DEFINITELY a dog person and hates cats (which should be a crime imo)

Anyway I was wondering if you could write a story in which the reader LOVEEEES cats and Lando likes reader a lot but they tell him that they refuse to date someone who doesn’t like cats so Lando tries to charm/befriend their cat/cats

nine lives — ln4

lando norris x !cat lover reader

smau + blurbs

You’ve always said you could forgive many things in a relationship—bad taste in music, questionable cooking, even the occasional forgotten anniversary. But not liking cats? Unforgivable. Which is why, when a clip of Lando—your boyfriend of almost a year—where he boldly declares “I just don’t trust cats. They stare at you like they’re plotting your death.”, your phone practically explodes with notifications. And right in the middle of your peaceful Sunday morning, curled up in bed with four purring furballs and one very smug grey baby sprawled on your chest, Lando walks into the room holding his phone like it’s ticking.

“They’re all sending me this video,” he says, deadpan. “And now half the internet thinks we’re about to break up because I disrespected Mister Whiskers the Third.”

You blink at him. “You did. And you disrespected me.”

And that’s when he sighs—loudly, dramatically—and looks your cats in the eye like he’s facing his greatest challenge yet.

“I guess I’m gonna have to win them over, huh?”

fc : random pinterest girlies

(a/n) : hi babyyyyyy. thanks for the love:) i am a huge cat person so this was very fun for me to write. my cat was stepping on my keyboard keys as i was literally trying to type it out. LMAOOO

ALSO NOT MY DUMBASS HAVING THIS EDITED AND READY FOR TWO DAYS AND NOT REALIZING. IM SO SORRY.

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lando’s ‘undercover’ GQ interview — 6/23/2025

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It starts innocently enough. You’re lounging on the couch in your sunlit living room, a tabby curled against your hip, a calico stretched across your feet, and your ancient, grumpy Persian—Count Meowcula—curled up like a loaf of bread on the coffee table. Lando is still asleep upstairs, likely tangled in the duvet with his mouth slightly open and hair sticking up like a dandelion. You’re scrolling through your phone when the first tag pops up.

@/username000 : NOT LANDO SAYING HE HATES CATS 💀💀💀 @/yourusername come get your man pls

You furrow your brows and click the link.

It’s a recent clip, from the GQ interview he just did the other day. The interviewer shows him an old clip of himself.

And the younger Lando on the video, without missing a beat, replies with boyish arrogance, “Dogs, obviously. Cats are evil. I don’t trust them. They just sit there and judge you.”

Your jaw drops a little. “Excuse me?”

He goes on—oh, he goes on.

“They’re always knocking things off tables. Like, why? For what reason? I could never live with a cat. I’d be on edge all the time.”

You blink at the screen, stunned. A moment later, your mentions erupt like fireworks.

@/username00 : so like… yn owns FIVE cats and lando said THIS?????

@/username0 : the betrayal. the slander. does Count Meowcula know??

@/username1 : if my man ever said this about cats i’d simply let them scratch his eyes out 😭

You let out a little laugh—half horrified, half amused—and glance around the room. As if sensing drama, your youngest cat, a tiny grey kitten named Pickles, climbs onto your lap and stares directly into your phone screen like she’s reading the replies.

“I know,” you murmur to her. “He’s got some explaining to do.”

Almost on cue, heavy footsteps pad down the stairs. You hear a yawn, then a groggy voice.

“Morning…” Lando steps into the room, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He’s in one of your hoodies and a pair of mismatched socks, hair a complete mess.

You swivel your phone toward him, the video paused on the exact moment he says, “Cats are evil.”

He squints. “Oh no.”

“Oh yes.”

Lando flops face first onto the couch beside you, groaning into a throw pillow. “I was, like, twenty! I didn’t know better!”

“The internet disagrees.” You smirk, holding your phone up as notifications keep pouring in. “You’ve got approximately two million cat lovers and a grumpy Count Meowcula very disappointed in you.”

Lando turns his head, eyes squinting at the Persian cat who is, indeed, staring at him with an expression of utter betrayal.

“I told him it was an old interview,” you say solemnly. “He doesn’t care.”

“I’ll never earn his forgiveness, will I?”

“Not unless you make amends.”

He sits up dramatically, pressing a hand to his chest. “Then I have no choice. I must… bond with the cats.”

“Oh?” you tease. “The same cats who are evil? The ones you can’t trust?”

“I was young! I was foolish!” He throws himself at your feet in mock agony. “Please, my love, allow me to prove myself to you—and to Pickles. And to Mr. Whiskers. And… Count Meowcula.” He pauses.

“God, why do they all sound like retired supervillains?”

“Because they are.”

Pickles meows at him, unimpressed. Lando slowly sits back up, adjusting his hoodie and patting his lap. “Alright. I’m ready. Send me your softest warrior.”

You raise an eyebrow. “You’re serious?”

“I’m ready to face the consequences of my words,” he says solemnly. “Bring me the cats.”

One by one, like some ceremonial trial, the cats are introduced. Pickles curls up beside him without protest. Mr. Whiskers claws his leg once, just for good measure, and then lays on his foot. Count Meowcula eyes him for a solid three minutes before climbing onto his lap and promptly falling asleep.

You grab your phone and take a picture of the scene—Lando sitting stiff as a board, surrounded by cats, one paw resting over his knee like a warning.

Moments later, the tweet goes viral. The top reply?

@/alex_albon : petition for Lando to do a cat photoshoot in apology form.

You grin and show it to him.

“Absolutely not,” Lando mutters as Mr. Whiskers licks his hand. “Okay. Maybe. Only if I get to wear the little ears too.”

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yourusername

liked by lando, oscarpiastri, alex_albon and 1,201,005 others.

yourusername : should i leave this muppet because he doesn’t like my babies?

tagged : lando

—

view 72,075 other comments.

alex_albon : yes. absolutely. dump him. lily and i will take you and your cats in.

liked by yourusername and lilymhe

↳ yourusername : omw to the albon farm where me and my 5 children will be APPRECIATED.

liked by alex_albon and lilymhe

↳ lando : HEY HEY WE DO NOT HAVE TO GO THIS FAR

liked by yourusername

↳ lando : i am like the cat whisperer now. ask pickles.

liked by yourusername

↳ yourusername : you screamed when mr whiskers jumped up on the couch behind you. mans was just existing.

liked by alex_albon

↳ lando : HE STARTLED ME.

liked by yourusername

maxverstappen1 : leave him. now. i want to see him walking down the road with one of those hobo sacks.

liked by yourusername

↳ lando : OH MY GOD. YOU ARE ALL SO OVERDRAMATIC. I WAS YOUNG.

↳ maxverstappen1 : do not care. you still said it.

liked by yourusername

username00 : i take it he is still in alot of trouble yn

↳ yourusername : oh yes. very much so. sleeping on the couch currently.

liked by maxverstappen1 and alex_albon

↳ maxverstappen1 : make him sleep on the sidewalk.

liked by yourusername and username00

lando : I AM SORRY BABYYYYY DO NOT LEAVE ME. I NEED YOU AND YOUR 5 CHILDREN.

liked by yourusername

alexandrasaintmleux : leave lando. not bc of the cat thing but just so you can date me😻

liked by yourusername

↳ lando : ALEX. OUT. DO NOT TRY TO WIN OUT ON MY MISFORTUNE.

liked by yourusername and alexandrasaintmleux

oscarpiastri : I, for one, stand for feline rights. #teampickles

liked by yourusername

charles_leclerc: just wait til she has a conversation with zhou about this…

liked by alex_albon, oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, yourusername and zhouguanyu24

↳ zhouguanyu24 : oh i already know and sweetcorn and i are offended deeply

↳ lando : BROOOOOOOO

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f1gossipgirls

liked by yourusername and 1,100,100 others.

f1gossipgirls : Lando on live tonight with YN’s kitten Pickles!

tagged : lando and yourusername

—

view 175,007 other comments.

username000 : pickles pawing him in the head killed me #teampickles

liked by yourusername

username00 : @/yourusername you are so powerful. he went from hating cats to calling pickles his son in a matter of a week

liked by yourusername

↳ yourusername : that’s what good pussy does…bad joke?

liked by lando and username00

username0 : pickles had more screen time than max 😭

liked by yourusername and maxfewtrell

username1 : HE DID THE BABY VOICE AWWWWW

liked by yourusername

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The stream wasn’t even supposed to happen. It started because Max texted Lando “go live you coward I miss your face”, and then fifteen minutes later Lando was setting up his webcam while you sat cross legged on the couch, cradling Pickles in your lap like royalty. You had no intention of being on camera—until Pickles decided to launch himself from your arms and climb straight up Lando’s hoodie mid-intro.

“AH—oh my god—HE’S IN MY SHIRT,” Lando yelps, half-laughing, half-panicking, while you scramble into frame trying to extract the tiny menace from his hood. The comments explode instantly.

@/username0000 : IS THAT PICKLES??

@/username000: this is already the best stream of the year

You finally wrestle the kitten free and sit down beside Lando, both of you breathless from laughing. Pickles, smug as ever, curls into a perfect ball on Lando’s shoulder like he owns the place.

“He’s… decided to stay,” Lando mutters, eyes wide. “I’m not moving for the rest of the stream.”

“That’s called growth,” you tease. “You used to call him a demon.”

“I still think he is,” Lando says. “He’s just my demon now.”

Then Max joins the call. And everything goes downhill.

“Oi,” Max says, grinning into his camera. “Am I interrupting domestic bliss?”

“Pickles almost crawled into my ribcage five minutes ago,” Lando replies. “So yes, but it’s fine.”

You wave at Max. “Hi Max. I saved your best friend from a feline induced death.”

“Legend,” Max says with a wink. “Though if Pickles had finished the job, I’d finally win our Fantasy league.”

Lando flips him off. The chat goes wild. Over the next half hour, it descends into total chaos. Lando’s trying to game, Max is throwing shade, and you’re in the background trying to keep Pickles from knocking over an open can of Monster with the energy of a feral toddler. At one point a conversation sparks.

Max started. “So YN, how many cats is too many cats?”

You thought for a moment. ”Hypothetically?”

“Yeah.”

“Ten.”

Lando spits out his drink, “TEN?”

You shrugged, “I’m just saying. We have the space.”

Max laughed. “This is how it starts. First it’s one kitten, next thing you know, you’re on a reality show called My Strange Addiction..’”

You laughed, “I’d watch my episode.”

Lando sighed heavily, “Don’t give her ideas, she’s already been measuring out a catio for the balcony.”

The chat is unhinged at this point.

@/username11: lando is literally becoming the cat dad he swore he’d never be and I love it

Then Pickles decides to crawl back onto Lando’s lap mid game, and instead of pushing him off, Lando just says, “Okay okay buddy, you can sit there, just don’t touch the mouse—”

Immediately, Pickles touches the mouse. Lando loses the round. Max howls laughing.

“I’ve been sabotaged,” Lando groans. “By my own child.”

You hand him a tiny sweater. “He earned this.”

Lando holds up the sweater to the camera—soft knit, neon orange, a little lightning bolt stitched across the back.

“It’s giving superhero sidekick,” Max says. “He needs a cape.”

“Don’t tempt me,” you say, already pulling out your phone to text your Etsy supplier.

By the end of the stream, Pickles is asleep on Lando’s chest, purring, and Lando’s stroking his tiny head absentmindedly while bickering with Max about who cheated in karting back in 2015.

“He’s so gone,” Max mouths into the camera, pointing at Lando, who doesn’t even notice because he’s too busy whispering, “You’re my best mate, but if you ever touch my mouse again, I swear—” to a literal sleeping kitten.

The final shot before the stream ends? Lando kissing the top of Pickles’ head without even realizing he’s doing it. The comments explode. And the clip goes viral.

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You come home expecting the usual—a trail of cat toys on the stairs, a half consumed cup of Lando’s coffee on the kitchen counter, and Pickles dramatically lounging in your spot on the couch. What you don’t expect is Lando standing in the hallway with his hands behind his back and the guiltiest grin on his face.

“What did you do?” you ask instantly.

“Why do you assume I did something?” he replies, rocking on his heels.

“You only smile like that when you’ve either crashed a scooter or spent a suspicious amount of money.”

“I prefer the term invested.”

You narrow your eyes. “Lando…”

He takes your hand. “Okay. Just… come with me.”

He leads you to the balcony, practically vibrating with excitement. The sliding doors are already open, and the cats are pacing back and forth like they know something’s up. And then you see it. A catio.

Not just any catio. A custom, multi-level, architectural wonderland that stretches across half the balcony. There’s a tunnel system, clear bubble pods for sunbathing, platforms shaped like trophies, and tiny nameplates engraved for each cat. At the top—of course—is Count Meowcula, looking down on his kingdom like he’s about to demand taxes.

You blink. “Lando. What the hell is this?”

“It’s a Catio 2.0,” he says proudly. “Designed it with a guy from Reddit. Don’t ask how much it cost.”

You turn to him, stunned.

“And this?” you say, gesturing to the racing stripe hammock that literally says “PICKLES’ PAD.”

He scratches the back of his neck. “Okay that part was my idea. And the tiny pit wall.”

There is a tiny pit wall. You burst out laughing, hand over your mouth. “I can’t believe you did this.”

He shrugs, pulling you into a hug. “You said they deserved fresh air and enrichment. And I figured… if I’m gonna be a cat dad, I might as well go all in.”

You lean up and kiss him, dizzy with love. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I know,” he grins. “But you love me anyway.”

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It started as a joke. You were scrolling through Instagram with Lando one night, curled up on the couch while Pickles aggressively kneaded his thigh. Zhou had just posted yet another selfie with Sweetcorn, his fluffy, spoiled cat, perched on his shoulder like a queen.

Lando squinted at the screen. “I’m starting to think Zhou loves that cat more than he loves people.”

You smirked. “I respect it. Honestly, I love sweetcorn too.”

“Okay, weird. But what if we got him, like… a Sweetcorn pillow?” Lando said, half joking, half serious.

You stared at him. “Wait. That’s actually genius.”

Two weeks later, the package arrives.

A two foot long plush pillow—an eerily accurate, almost too realistic version of Sweetcorn, down to the slightly tilted ears and smug expression. You nearly cry laughing when you pull it out of the box. Lando holds it up like he’s presenting Simba.

“We’ve peaked,” he declares. “This is our legacy.”

You’re both waiting outside the Ferrari hospitality unit when Zhou walks up, sunglasses on, coffee in hand, completely unprepared.

Lando grins. “Got you a present.”

Zhou raises a brow. “What’d you do?”

Then you pull the pillow out from behind your back and hold it up proudly.

Zhou stops. Blinks. Takes off his sunglasses in slow motion.

“You did not.”

“Oh, we did,” you laugh. “Meet… travel-sized Sweetcorn.”

Zhou stares at the pillow, mouth open, completely speechless. Then, without a word, he drops his coffee and takes the pillow in his arms like a long lost child.

“I’m never sleeping alone again,” he says.

Lando bursts out laughing. “We made it extra squishy so you’d get maximum cuddle support.”

Zhou is still cradling the pillow, already doing voices— “‘Who needs anyone when I’ve got you, Sweetcorn 2.0.’”

You snap a picture of him holding the pillow like a baby, and before long it’s all over social media.

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lando

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, alex_albon and 4,001,008 others.

lando : i have made amends with all the cat people in my life. built a catio, traveled to the albon farm and got zhou a mini sweetcorn. and i can say i finally understand why max broke down the door for his cat children.

tagged : alex_albon, yourusername, maxverstappen1 and zhouguany24

—

view 175,001 other comments.

yourusername : this is the man i love. covered in cat hair.

liked by lando

lando : god i hate how i will do literally anything for you

liked by yourusername

yourusername : love you lannnnnnn

liked by lando

maxverstappen1 : and id break ten more doors.

liked by yourusername and lando

alex_albon : you still flinched when one of ours sneezed but we made progress so idc

liked by yourusername and lando

zhouguanyu24 : mini sweetcorn sleeps beside me every night. nothing will ever top this gift.

liked by yourusername and lando

yukitsunoda0511 : yn!! do you think we can get him to go to the cat cafe in tokyo??

liked by yourusername

lando : no

yourusername : if you love me you will

liked by yukitsunoda0511

lando : GOD damnit

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[existence-is-a-pain87]

You guys hear that? It's the sound of my original writing plans flying away because I got an AU idea. Mmmmm I love ADHD.

Oh well, this AU should be pretty cool and I hope you'll like it! This isn't a series I'm gonna be solely focusing on like the Eyes series. If yall wanna see more from this AU sooner rather than later, send in an ask.

To Die is to Live

Yandere!Monster!Forsaken x Reader; Yandere!Monster!Block Tales x Reader

Warnings: Obsession and other general yandere behaviors

Note: This is an AU heavily based on/directly inspired by Homicipher. @allimili 's CRK x Homicipher AU was also an inspiration (your work is so peak btw, never change). It's also gonna get really dark since it's basically a Homicipher AU of Forsaken and Block Tales.

Furthermore, I wanna say that this MC is akin to another alternate version of the Eyes MC. Teehee.

I love experimenting with my writing :D

And don't worry, I'll still fufill requests. I just wanted to write this. Enjoy!

--☆☆☆☆☆--

You didn't know how you got here.

Your memories felt like a jumbled mess, as if your head had been plucked off your body, shaken around like a maraca, and then placed back on your neck with no cares in the world.

Bruises litered your body, and you tasted something metallic in your mouth, as if you had bit your cheek. But you didn't feel any injuries inside your mouth, so you ignored it after spitting out what looked like normal saliva.

You rubbed your eyes, before your vision cleared a bit and you processed... uh.

You could only describe this place as... a mess. Mold stained the walls, cobwebs nestled in each corner, and stains covered the tile floor. This place felt like what you could only describe as a giant indoor mall as you scanned the area, wondering where you were and what was going on.

You searched in your brain, desperate for any hint of knowledge you weild to help you piece together where you were.

Then you recall the rumors online about an alternate world that can trap others within it if they enter a damaged room with no windows when it rains. You never really believed in them despite all the warnings older folk online gave you about them.

But... what if you got there?

You remember someone attacking you and you desperately fighting them off, before stumbling into a random room in the abandoned mall- soon to be torn down- to try to hide after you...

...

...

...

You don't remember what you did to that person. You can guess they beat you pretty badly, though, and you fled to avoid them killing you or worse, judging from all your wounds and how you've never been someone super strong.

You just stand up, looking for any exit and trying to recall all the information you knew about this place.

A lot of people, around your age at least, called the Other World a copy of the Backrooms. But this place, while giant, wasn't infinite. And there had to be a clear way out.

Of course, no one who went in came out according to the stories, but you could always change that.

You opened the only door and peered out, seeing no signs of life as you stared out into what looked like a giant abandoned mall. Like an alternate, larger, and more warped version of what you walked into to get here. But there were other things too, and made this place feel like a giant mashpit of so many different abandoned and damaged places.

You just walked out and wandered around, regretting that all you had on you was a black raincoat and your usual clothes. You didn't even have an umbrella.

You had no weapons in case there was anything dangerous here. And you were injured and had no clue how to fight. If there were any monsters like this was the Backrooms, you're as good as dead.

And being dead doesn't work well with your goal to go home.

Your feet pad across the dusty and dirty ground, and you look around for anything that seems familiar.

Maybe if you found the exit to the mall, that'd be the exit to this world. Maybe then you'd get home.

You weren't sure. You just hoped. And what more could you do?

You looked around as you went, trying to see anything that caught your attention. You noted what looked like green buds with leaves that you occasionally found nestled in an upper corner, but they didn't seem to special so you didn't pay them too much mind.

You did think you saw one close back into a bud when you looked at it, and you swore there was an eye at its center. You just looked away, not wanting to fuck around with the ominous plant things.

Though, after that, you tried to stay out in the open less. Hanging out near the walls and searching more intently for a weapon while hoping nothing showed up to attack you.

Unfortunately, you weren't that lucky.

A thumping sound approaching made you flinch and duck into an abandoned store-like area while peaking out slightly through the window to see whatever is wandering past.

Whatever it was, it looked like a fucked up human. It wore a hardhat that covered the entirely of its upper face, but you saw blood leaking down from the inside of the hat and staining the gray skin on his face. He seemed to be wearing a gray hoodie of sorts, but the blood that stained it made you uncomfortable.

He seemed to be looking around for something (you had no idea if he could see with no visible eyes) and you noted the hammer he held in one of his hands.

You just stayed still, hoping he would leave as you panicked over the fact there were monsters here. You just stayed quiet, not even daring to breathe.

Then his head turned to look over in your direction, then angled to stare directly at you. You didn't move, didn't breathe. Just stared at where his eyes would be while silently praying to whatever god was out there.

Your prayers were ignored.

Immediately, the creature moved, approaching the glass as it stared down at you, before raising its hammer.

You screamed, turned around, and ran through the store, hearing the shattering of glass behind you as you narrowly avoided the shards from hitting you, weaving through bare clothing racks and through aisles as you desperately sped away.

From the thumps you heard, it was following you. You just fled into the backrooms of the store and scurried into a box the moment you got space between you and the monster.

As you hoped your violent shaking wouldn't disturb the box to not give your location away, you felt tears stinging your eyes as you heard the thumps of the monster get closer happened, some unintelligible noises you didn't understand that sounded like it came from between two different beings, before the thumps faded away.

You didn't dare exit the box. Especially when you heard thumps again, these ones sounding different than the original monster's. Then you heard them pause, and the sound of boxes being opened nearby you.

Your breathing hitched as you quickly tried to bury yourself more in the box and hoped the monster would stay away.

Then some thumps got uncomfortably close, and the box you were in opened.

You stared up at this new monster, and screamed again.

--☆☆☆--

Whatever it was, it was definitely not human. Sure, this one had normal skin and was wearing glasses, but from the spider-like mandibles jutting out from the corners of its lips and the pupil-less and iris-less eyes with two smaller eyes above it, you knew this was a monster.

Its hands- with short claws on the end of each finger- rested on the sides of the box, keeping it open, as the monster stared down at you. Its mouth was open very slightly and you could see the fact it seemed to have stubble and was wearing... a burger-like hat. It also seemed to be wearing a blue sweater of sorts.

Then, another pair of near identical arms- separate from the ones holding the box open- reach into the box and pull your panicking and struggling form out. He held you out in front of him and only winced when you punched him in the head. He didn't seem too mad, though.

He just sighed and used his other pair of arms to pin your own to your sides. You squirmed, hoping he wouldn't eat you before,

"hxd xtjh? hxd dwqjavnm?"

You froze at the weird noises that emerged from his mouth, staring at him in confusion.

"...what?"

He stared at you, before speaking again.

"mxwc dwmnabcjwm. hxd bljanm. r fxwc qdac hxd. hxd bjon."

You stared at him blankly, trying to process whatever he was saying.

"hxd dwmnabcjwm vn? wx?"

You just slowly nodded, not understanding a word.

"...r cnjlq." He suddenly said, before using one of his extra limbs to point at himself, "vn." Then he pointed at you, "hxd."

Was he trying to teach you the language? Was he... friendly?

He repeated the words again and gave you an expectant look.

You hesitantly repeated the words, and he nodded and said them with the motions as if he was trying to get it into your head.

...

You decided to call him Mr. Spider, especially considering how his legs were what you could describe as four spider legs.

And god, you were relieved he wasn't eating you. But he wasn't putting you down either.

You hesitate, before motioning him to set you down. He gives you a confused look before... sitting?

You raise an eyebrow and try to pry yourself away, and he seems to finally process you don't want to be held onto and lets you go.

You back away as he stands up, looming over you. God, he's huge.

But as you start to walk away, he follows. His spidery feet tap against the ground as he easily keeps up with you.

You stare at him, face scrunched up in confusion.

"hxdan bljanm. r yaxcnlc. r oxuuxf jwm yaxcnlc." He casually tells you, staying close.

...you aren't fighting the giant spider man unarmed and when he's twice your size. You don't have a deathwish.

Though, Mr. Spider seemed to want to protect you, and you were not going to complain at all about having a giant man spider thing protecting you if anything else here was super dangerous.

...

"hxd" probably meant "you" and "vn" meant either "me" or "I". You weren't sure. All you knew is apparently this world has a whole different language compared to anything you heard.

And how Mr. Spider seemed more than willing to help teach you some of the language when you didn't understand.

You glance up at him, and he looks back at you with lidded eyes. You point at the shattered window, giving him a confused look.

"frwmxf." He notes, squinting a bit, "kaxtnw frwmxf."

...you're guessing "frwmxf" means window. No clue what "kaztnw" means, though.

As you and he went along, you continued pointing at things so he'd state what they are in his language so you'd understand it better.

It honestly was pretty helpful having a surprisingly friendly monster teaching you the language bit by bit. You didn't expect there to be friendly monsters here... at all. But at least there was Mr. Spider.

...

...

...

Loud stomps suddenly echoed through the halls, and you flinch and look around as Mr. Spider's eyes widen. Quickly, he grabs onto you and drags you close to him, and you see...

...

Oh god.

You stare up at whatever just crept out of the darkness. It's huge, looming over Mr. Spider and completely dwarfing you. It's skin was practically a neon red, with giant and demon-like horns sticking out of his forehead. A red hood and cape that matches it's skin color hangs off its body, and it seems to be emitting a glitch or fire effect of sorts, with visible and external ribs and an uncomfortably wide smile.

Black symbols are inscribed on its chest that you can't understand.

It stares directly at you and Mr. Spider, before making an excited noise and darting closer.

You flinch as it crouches down, it's demon-like tail seeming to wag as it speaks. It's black hands press against the walls, similarly-colored claws digging into the concrete, and you realize this thing is very, very powerful.

"mjm! mjm! hxd vjmn oarnwm?" It asks, it's voice loud and echoing, "mxnb oarnwm fjwc cx yujh? r fjwc cx yujh!"

You shake as it leans in close, intently staring at you. Mr. Spider shields you with his arms, before talking back at the new monster so quickly you can't even hear the words said.

A rapid conversation between the two happens, before the monster makes a happy noise and darts off, before making sounds like it's... counting?

Then Mr. Spider suddenly lifts you up and looks around, before placing you up in a gap in the ceiling and motioning you back into the dusty and dark space.

You have no idea what's happening as you creep back, barely able to see what's going on below you as Mr. Spider suddenly runs out of the room.

It's all quiet for a moment, your mind reeling as you try to process what just happened.

Then the red monster bursts back into the room, loudly giggling and toss around and open everything on the floor, as if... searching for something.

...does it think you're playing Hide and Seek with it?

As you see it throw aside a box and rip it open, you realize that if Mr. Spider didn't hide you up here, you'd probably be dead or injured enough you'd wish you were dead.

You shrink back slightly as the monster looks around before running out of the room, giggling.

...it acts a lot like a giant child. Hm...

You'll call it "Red Child".

You hear more sounds, more crashing and thuds, and eventually, you see Red Child excitedly scamper back into the room, and Mr. Spider follows after him, looking a little winded if not... slightly injured.

Red Child resumes searching for you, before Mr. Spider approaches your hiding space and gently pulls you out.

"oxdwm cqnv." He tells Red Child, who immediately perks up and bounds over.

"(You) qrmn fnuu! yujh jpjrw!" He says, trying to grab you. You flinch, and Mr. Spider thankfully pulls you away.

"fjrc. cqnhan fnjt. kn pnwcun. cqnh qdac njbh." Mr. Spider instructs, as Red Child seems disappointed for a moment before nodding and holding you like you were a misbehaving cat.

You sweat slightly as you stare at this giant, demonic monster child, who opens their mouth and shows rows of razor-sharp teeth. "r urtn hxd. (You) oarnwm."

You just frantically nod, not wanting to die.

"mjm! mjm! ljw fn tnny cqnv?" Red Child asks Mr. Spider, shaking you slightly. "cqnh odw! cqnh ldcn! r urtn!"

Mr. Spider just nods. "hnb."

Okay, judging from the nod that is clearly a version of "yes"...

Red Child makes a series of happy noises, shaking you a bit as they excitedly talk. "oarnwm! oarnwm! (You) bcjh qnan! fn yujh!"

...you're so screwed, aren't you?

--☆☆☆--

Being practically carried throughout the Other World by Red Child, who was fucking huge, while Mr. Spider stayed close was a fucking fever dream. And being brought to what you could only describe as someone who took a large closet and set some things up to make what you figured were makeshift beds with other things scattered about.

Being dropped into what was a mess of random clothes, towels, and even some blankets and pillows stunned you too.

Red Child giggles and begins to point around at thing. He starts with where you're sitting, which is the much larger one of the piles of clothes and other things.

"vh knm." Then he points at the smaller pile (which is still pretty big), "mjm knm."

"mjm"... he uses that word to refer to Mr. Spider. You wonder what it means.

Though, "knm" probably means "bed".

Red Child looks around, before his smile twitches, looking like he wants to frown and... can't.

"mjm!" He calls over to Mr. Spider, who looks up from where he was grabbing some things. "oarnwm mxnbw'c qjen (bed)! fn wnnm (bed) oxa oarnwm!"

What does "oarnwm" mean? It clearly refers to you, though. You're so confused.

"fnuu pnc oarnwm (bed). oxxm orabc." Mr. Spider says, picking up what looks like... uh... a bucket?

"dwmnabcxxm!" Red Child chirps out, "(you) cjtn oarnwm?"

"(You) fjwc (me) cjtn oarnwm?"

"(Yes)! cjtn oarnwm! oarnwm ldarxdb! bnn?" Red Child pokes your cheek, accidentally scraping your cheek slightly with his claw. You don't mention it, just staring blankly ahead. Then Red Child leans in close, tilting his head, "(you) fjwc px?"

You nod slightly, hesitant.

"bnn! oarnwm fjxc px!"

Mr. Spider stares at you, his expression calm, before he nods. Then he approaches you and picks you up, and you squirm a bit as you get carried out, Red Child waving at you until you're brought out and set down on the ground.

Are they... trying to keep you as a pet or something? They were talking about a bed for... you?

You glance up at Mr. Spider, who stares down at you before motioning you to follow him. He starts walking, and you stay still until he's a good bit away, and you book it.

So what if he's friendly? If he's trying to keep you as a pet with Red Child, that's a hell no from you.

You speed through the place, hoping your shoes are enough to muffle the sound of you running as you try your best to lose Mr. Spider as you hear him make a sound of confusion and follow after.

And somehow, you manage to do it.

You collapse on the ground, wheezing and shaking as sweat oozes off your brow and tears sting your eyes. But as the thuds fade away, you figure you're safe.

You sit there, processing everything for a long moment before you hear what sounds like digitized laughter.

"Q4Q4Q4Q4Q4Q4!" You look around in a panic, as the voice continues, "U0U. H0DAN VXA3 BL4A3M CQ4W K1AM."

Your eyes then lock with what looks like some kinda fucked up plant nestled in a corner of the wall, this one unfurled with an eye in the center staring right at you as a venus flytrap-like mouth talks.

"H0DA3 BV4UU. C1WH. URCCU3." You think it... snickers? "QXF 4A3 (you) WXC M3JM?"

"...better than you, you bitchless creepy ass plant." You mutter back, grimacing.

"FQ4C?"

"..." You just stand up and back away from the plant.

"(Y0u) BLJANM? P0XM. K3 BLJA3M." The plant tells you, "L4WC FJ1C CX F4CLQ (y0u) MR3. XA L0V3 C0 (me) BX 1 L4W T1UU (you)."

You just flip it off and run for dear life, ignoring the plant's cackles as you go.

Great, sentient plants. What's next? Headless horseman clone?

As you slow down, shaking and wheezing as you cower in an abandoned bathroom, you flinch as you hear a voice. A different and unfamilar voice.

"yvccf."

You look around, and notice something... glowing in the stalls. Something yellow.

You look around frantically and see a crowbar laying on the floor. You immediately grab it, and hold it in front of you with shaking hands as you approach the stall. You shove it open and look around, holding the crowbar above you as you're ready to swing it and...

...

You don't see anything directly in front of you...

"cffb ufne."

You flinch at the voice again and look all around, looking down and seeing the source of the yellow glow. It's a blue jack-o-lantern emitting a yellow glow, with black antlers, that seem to curl into each other like thorn vines, sticking out of it.

Then it talks.

"yvccf."

You scream and drop the crowbar.

--☆☆☆--

Somehow, despite the language barrier, you were convinced to carry around the pumpkin.

You aren't sure how. It's just when you picked up the crowbar and tried to run the pumpkin started talking loudly and quickly until you picked it up and it calmed down.

And now, you're taking it some place as it sort of teaches you the language.

"(Left)." It instructs you, and you go that way, "(forward)."

You now know "left", "right", "forward", "go back", and "no" in this language due to the instructions you kept getting. You just hoped wherever you were going wasn't a death trap.

...at least you still had the crowbar with you.

As you approached a hallway with a blank front door at the end of it, you hesitated as the pumpkin instructed you to go forward.

In the end though, you go forward and open the door with shaky hands, and you hold your breath.

The room you walk into almost bears a resemblance to a living room, with furniture that looked like it used to be display, and a table littered with...

...

Bones. And a headless, giant, robed body sat nearby.

You freeze as the body stands up suddenly, white arms outstretched towards you as you shove the pumpkin into its hands and back up, fumbling with the door in a panic.

"kyreb pfl, bzeu jkirexvi." The pumpkin tells you as it is placed upon the stump of the body's neck. It uses a hand to hold the pumpkin in place as it walks across the room.

A lump on the couch moves, and a large, humanoid shape sits up. Losely draped on its body is a black cloak of sorts, and you see dozens of yellow and white wings sticking out of its body. Its skin is feathery and yellow, and there's messy brown hair on its head.

It turns to look at you, and you don't see its eyes. But it seems to smile as it lets out a laugh-like sound.

"yr! nyf kyzj tlkv jkirexvi?" It says, and it sits up as it seems to stare at you.

You hate how sweaty your palms are as you try to open the door, too scared to turn your back out of fear one of them will attack.

"ufek befn. kyvp yvcg (me)." The pumpkin man says (you're just gonna call him Mr. Pumpkin), and you see him now holding what looks like a needle. "z evvu yvcg kyivruzex evvucv."

"z xfk zk." A new voice says, as another door in this room opens and...

...that monster wearing the hard hat walks in.

It freezes when it notices you, and you two stare with locked eyes (ignoring his lack of eyes) for too long.

You manage to open the door and stumble out.

"nrzk!" The winged one suddenly says, and quickly gets up. Before you know it, you're picked up and carried back into the room by the winged man. "nyp (you) ileezex? pfliv xfeer xvk vrkve flk kyviv."

You quake as the winged man looks at the one in the hard hat, who's helping Mr. Pumpkin stitch the pumpkin on. "nyrk uzu (you) uf kf jtriv kyvd jf sru?"

The one in the hard hat hums, before speaking. "z jrn kyvd svyzeu (window). z kizvu kf xirs kyvd kf drbv jliv kyvp uzuek uzv, jf z sifbv kyv nzeufn. kyvp jtivrdvu reu ire. kyvp jtriv vrjp."

You squirm as you're unceremoniously dumped on the couch, and the winged man (you're calling him Mr. Bird since he looks like a weird bird) looms over you, smiling as it sounds weirdly cheerful. "ufek sv jtrivu, tlkv! ef fev nzcc vrk (you). (You) jrwv."

Tears drip out of your eyes as Mr. Bird pets you on the head. "grk, grk. ef tipzex, (you) jrwv."

Why does this keep happening to you..?

[puppygirlsnout]

1. Trans women are hurt by this too??? The article you listed literally talks about how this bill targets trans women in the first couple paragraphs. Iswtg yall don't read your own sources on here

2. Nobody is against transmasc specific language. There are objections to the term "transandrophobia" because it's a very obvious "but what meeeeee. What about men" response to transmisogyny. Also the idea of "androphobia" or hatred of masculine traits on a structural level is very antifemininst at its core. It's obvious of you think about it for five or so seconds.

3. A large portion of hate transfems receive comes as a source of their "rejection of masculinity" they are viewed as a stain on the male oppressor class by staining themselves with femininity. At the same time, we are also viewed as invaders of women's spaces, putting "the real wombyn" in danger by our "male presence" this is part of the "third, worse thing" that transfems are treated as, a very foundational part of transmisogny. I also can't tell you how showing it is that you state that this treatment is unique to transmascs while claiming to vy for "listening to others experiences." it's showing how despite the fact you claim to be open minded to others, while yelling right over transfems with no consideration for our experiences. It begs the question, are you telling us to listen, or are you telling a bunch of "whiny bitches" to sit down and shut up when the men are talking.

4. The dehumanizing I've seen towards transmascs comes from expression of feminene traits, not masculinity, or not matching to the identity they claim. This is, misogyny and transphobia intersected of course, but a transfem could just as easily suffer this. Tran women are often harassed for this too, often facing claims of being a "fake woman" whereas transmasculine people will be clocked as "actually a woman." You can see that, while transmascs are reduced to their assigned gender at birth, as is common with trans people, trans women are seen as this worse, third thing. In this way, transfems get the worst of both worlds, and a third of their own as well, making this dehumanizing and sexualization you claim to be transmasc unique, not so transmasc-exclusive after all.

I dont want to minimize your personal experiences, and I don't want to speak over you, so I'll keep this brief. but I would ask you to consider what your mother would have done if it was a "son" wearing a dress. Think about what your mother would've done if it was a "son" trying to be feminine. Because I don't think she would welcome that with open arms.

If you want to say transphobia on a stage is exclusive to transmascs, you are so out of touch that it's incredibly concerning. Do you know how often people like Matt rife of Dave chappele will just get up on stage and shit on transfems? Do you want to talk about how people will spew lies about us being crazed rapists who want to get into women's spaces for sexual assault? This point is perhaps the most telling of them all. This shows that you 1. Did not take transfems into account at any point writing this 2. Do not even listen to transfem experiences, while telling people to listen to yours. Can you make your misogyny any clearer?

Your claim that transmascs have been erased more than anyone else is just ridiculous. Once again you are blatantly ignoring transfem experiences. You have to consider, there is more then one kind of erasure. When someone who was a "crossdresser" (feminine) is shown in history, that is more often then not all they are. Unless if they are shown unfavorably, then, they are every awful thing you can think of, because they were a sick crossdressing mental case. When someone is overshadowed by this one aspect of their life, this one major thing, it is also erasure. Erasure of trans women as people. Erasure of trans women as anything more then some boogeyman, outside of man or woman, some third, monstrous thing. And transfem erasure is more than that. Most people have never heard of Compton cafeteria riot, the things that gave rise to it, or any other structure of transfeminine identity outside of the role of "weird and exotic sex object", and most don't even know that. So no, erasure is not some "transmasc-only" form of oppression. And claiming that it is is fucking disgusting, as with everything else you've said.

The idea that that transmascs are the only trans people who get sent to asylums, jails, etc. Is absolutely insane. This was done to "feminine men" too. They were lobotomized, raped, and abused, and when you say that transmascs are the main class that has been sent to mental institutions and prisons to fie, you spit on the Graves of countless numbers of my dead sisters. This is genuinely one of the most evil fucking takes ever. You were whining about erasure in the paragraph just before, but you've done nothing but yell over transfem voices in your entire response. This genuinely sickens me to my core. I don't even have words for how awful this is.

And for my tags, I'm sorry if I offended your sensibilities, but you've confirmed the exact thing I was trying to say. You're just telling transfems to shut up and listen to the men who know better. I genuinely hope you come around from your violent transmisogyny, but you will be blocked because of your horrid opinions and beliefs.

without fail, every single time, men just seem to forget that there are women experiencing all the same stuff they do with added misogyny. "well what if i don't pass as a man? i'm treated like an ugly woman!" what do you think happens to trans women who don't pass. real quick. hey what's that transandrophobia thing doing in your bio

[kkoffin]

I need everyone in radblr to go buy urself a copy of "Herland"(1915(?)) by Charlotte Perkins Gilman as soon as possible. Yall do not understand. I cannot believe this isn't like, basic radfem/female separatist literature already.

Same author as "The Yellow Wallpaper", three men find a land consisting of only women which is a literal utopia. The men question their own failures in patriarchal society while the women of this land politely exchange information with them about their own lands.

You have no idea how therapeutic this book is. men casually say "oh no man can do that!" and the women respond "oh, no man? can women do it?" and the men go "oh yeah, also no women". There's also such brilliant regular feminist thinking through the book;

"These women... were strikingly deficient in what we call "femininity". this led me very promptly to the conviction that those "feminine charms" we are so fond of are not feminine at all, but mere reflected masculinity- developed to please us because they had to please us, and in no way essential to real fulfillment of their great process."

Insane for 1915 and such a fucking relief and pleasure to read. I hope all the anons who have asked me about radfem books see this bc yall NEED IT

[fanged-fanfics]

Can I request headcannons for transformers x gn human reader who said they could hold their whole world in their hands then gently cupping their face?

☆ The World In Your Palm — Transformers x GN Human Reader ☆

Genre: Fluff || they/them pronouns for reader || No warnings needed

A/N: Features Optimus, Ratchet, Bumblebee, Starscream, Soundwave, and Megatron

──────.𖥔 ݁ ˖˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ──────

Optimus

ᯓᡣ𐭩 "Can you now? That's quite the goal"

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He thinks it's another cute little human idea initially. A bit of a naive one maybe, but most earth ideas for "shooting for the stars" always confused him a bit. He also sort of sums it up to a hyperbole and doesn't ask much more about it

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Until you offer to show him. That gets his attention. Humans are capable of incredible feats, yes, but how were you planning to prove such a thing? Much more visibly confused, he leans down like you ask him to

ᯓᡣ𐭩 As soon as your palms cup his cheekplates, he's even more bewildered. After thinking about it for a second, he chuckles, leaning into your touch as he uses a large hand to pull you a little closer. "That's very clever" he says with a smile "looks like I can hold the world in my hand too"

Ratchet

ᯓᡣ𐭩 "Uh..huh. Good luck with that"

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Completely doesn't understand the setup. The whole world?? This one? The giant ball in space holding billions of people? What's that supposed to mean? He assumes you're trying to bait him into a joke or something

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Then you ask him to lean down, and he's even more lost. If this is some sort of practical joke you'd learned from others, he wasn't excited for the outcome. But because it's you, he trusts it, bringing his face close enough for you to reach

ᯓᡣ𐭩 When your hands cup his face, he's even more lost. He runs the situation over again in his heads a few times before it actually lands. He acts exasperated to cover up how flustered he is, lightly patting your head. "You humans, I swear... cute trick, kid"

Bumblebee

ᯓᡣ𐭩 "Oh yeah? Go ahead, try, I wanna see it"

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He's amused at the idea. He knows you're likely not being literal, but he wants to see where it goes. He's had a lot of fun learning human jokes so far, what's one more to the list?

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He leans down as soon as you asked, excited to see the expected punchline. He can't exactly see where it's going yet, but knowing you he hopes for the best and waits expectantly

ᯓᡣ𐭩 When your hands land on his face, he has to take a second to get it. There's a bit of a 'is that... it?' moment where he's still waiting for the joke. Then it clicks all at once, and he gains a very obvious blush on his face. He cups his hands around your head, grinning widely "Well I can hold my whole world in just one hand! Beat that"

Starscream

ᯓᡣ𐭩 "Ha! That bold, are you? Is there no end to your feeble little plans?"

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He sounds a little mean about it, but it's just his usual teasing. Sort of in a 'that's nice honey' kind of way. He of course argues that if anyone is fit to carry the world, it would be him, obviously

ᯓᡣ𐭩 It takes some convincing to get him to kneel down. He pretends like he's oh so busy and has so many important things to do, but inevitably gives in and indulges your whims

ᯓᡣ𐭩 The second your hands reach his face, he gets it immediately. He stammered a bit, chuckling as he tried to brush it off. He didn't want it to be so obvious that something so small could fluster him, but he couldn't help it around you. "Ahem- well- you're very brave for being so forward! But I suppose I can allow you to hold on for a moment longer"

Soundwave

ᯓᡣ𐭩 "Improbable. The world is too big for human hands"

ᯓᡣ𐭩 Takes your words at direct face value. He's trying to be honest and let you down easy. He's got no idea how you somehow convinced yourself you were strong enough to pull that off, but he feels like he has to bring you back to reality

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He's only confused when you ask him to come closer. What does this have to do with your claim? He leans down of course, but he doesn't understand what's happening

ᯓᡣ𐭩 When your hands hold his face, he just pauses. He's about to correct you, but before the words can fully leave his mouth, he realizes what you're trying to say. He sighs from his vents as he holds onto your wrists. "I see. I.. can hold the world in mine, too"

Megatron

ᯓᡣ𐭩 "Aiming big, aren't we? Your time will come"

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He indulges your comment. He's promised you the world, everything his servos can carry. Of course it'll all be yours someday, he'll make sure of it

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He leans down at your request, though he of course asks what you're planning. He can tell by your little grin whenever you've got something brewing in your head, but he allows it for the sake of it

ᯓᡣ𐭩 He catches on the second you hold his face, and he chuckles in amusement. "Ah, that's what you meant" he said, leaning into the embrace "clever... for a human" he teases lightly

[ptergwen]

saw the post for ideas 👀… yknow those vlogs peter would film in homecoming? what if the only exception in strange’s spell was to let him keep a copy of those films of you and him/memories of the team. he rewatches them when he needs to feel like someone is there with him eating dinner, on holidays, a rough night of patrol, etc :(

always belong to you ❤︎‬

ask box  |  taglist  |  blurb masterlist  |  main masterlist

w/c: 2.0k

warnings: suggestive jokes, doctor strange being a bully, angst

a/n: ugh you know i love an angst/fluff combo, i lowkey got carried away if you can't tell by the word count lmao but i think y'all will like :) p.s. i have more things brewing so stay tuned!

"ok, so, we just got on the plane. we're taking off in... i don't know, soon."

the camera pans to you half asleep on peter's shoulder. you hide your face in your boyfriend's flannel, grinning nevertheless. "y/n's tired. it's early," peter tells the camera. "but i'm excited," you mumble. he beams and hugs you to his side. "me too. we all are."

you wrap your arms around peter's bicep and rest your chin on his shoulder. "so, where are you the most excited to go? london, right?" peter looks over at you, his hand rubbing up and down your side. "mhm. what about you, venice?" you ask him.

"definitely venice. i’ve been practicing my italian," peter says. you move closer to the camera so you can talk into it. "yeah, he actually learned some italian. and french, for when we go to paris." you smile sleepily. "city of love," peter adds. you peck his lips, and he smiles against yours.

you never actually made it to paris. god, that whole trip was a disaster. it's a miracle his camera even survived it, since most of his stuff literally got blown up. your plans kept getting changed, and peter barely got to spend any time with you or his friends because he got dragged into doing spider-man stuff, spider-man stuff that put everybody in danger.

but it's not spider-man's fault that he lost you — it's peter parker's.

"you've been practicing your british accent. that's something," peter jokes. "oh yeah, true. i also learned british slang. i wanna be cultured like you, innit?" you do an over-exaggerated accent, which peter chuckles at. "c'mon, i never even leave new york. except germany that one time, and..." he lowers his voice. "space."

"what are you doing?" mj pops up behind peter. her, ned, and betty are in the row behind yours. you got stuck next to flash, who's been snapping at one of the flight attendants for something. "just making video diaries of the trip," peter explains. "ooh, aren't those for may?" ned enthusiastically asks from the aisle seat. "hi, may! everybody say hi to peter's aunt!"

"hi, peter's aunt!" betty waves. "sup, aunt milf," flash chimes in. peter clenches his jaw. "hi, may. your nephew woke me up," mj deadpans. she manages a smile. "i don't know how i’m gonna get any sleep around the lovebirds."

"i'm gonna sleep, too. i'm still kinda tired," you tell mj through a yawn, squeezing peter's bicep. "you should try to sleep, darling. there's gonna be a pretty big time difference when we land." you lay your head on peter's shoulder again with a smile that he returns even bigger.

"okay, i will. don't wanna be jet lagged," peter agrees, turning the camera to himself. "well, that's it for now, may. love you! see you when we land!"

"bye, may!" you echo, peter resting his head against yours as the video ends.

you were both so happy back then. now, you don't even remember who peter is. all he has left of you is memories, ironically enough. it's all he has left of any of his loved ones. may is gone, his only family. his best friends have no memory of him, and neither does his team.

but if peter had just thought things through before he asked doctor strange to cast that spell, he wouldn't have needed to cast a second one, and the world wouldn't have forgotten peter parker.

peter wishes he could make you remember him on nights like these, when he's missing you extra. he'd kept to himself all day in his classes — he doesn't really engage with anyone unless he's in the suit. patrol was quiet tonight, though. so as peter lays on his creaky bed at the end of the day, all by himself in his cramped apartment, he's never felt more lonely.

he thought it might make him feel better to watch some of his old videos. his camera is one of the only things he'd kept from before, and it has videos with everyone on it. he watches them sometimes so he can hear your voice, see your face.

"peter! you look so cute in your little lab coat," you say behind the camera. "babe, you can't call me cute in here," peter groans. you zoom in on him setting up some test tubes. "yeah, you think you're so tough cause you're an avenger. spider-man can't be cute, he's too big and scary," you tease.

"maybe not scary, but he's big for sure." peter smirks at the camera. "i can confirm," you smirk at him. peter's eyes widen. "woah, y/n. i meant, like, my arms. you're so unprofessional today, i think i'm gonna need a new camerawoman," peter shakes his head playfully, pouring something into a beaker.

"you can't replace me. i'm irreplaceable," you insist. "yeah. i know you are," peter says, and means it. he can make out a smile in your voice. "anyways, since you're so tough, why don't you take off the coat? and the goggles? i guess you don't need them."

"i can't! if doctor strange comes back and sees, he'll say i’m-"

"-violating safety precautions and being stupidly, dangerously irresponsible."

doctor strange lands on the linoleum floor of the lab, his cloak trailing behind him. peter has his goggles on his head, so he quickly pulls them down. you prop the camera up against a stool subtly, all three of you coming into the frame.

"we're dealing with the quantum realm, parker, something neither you nor i completely understand. let's not take our chances." strange puts on his own pair of lab goggles, giving both you and peter a stern look. you make a face at the camera. "yes, sir. i mean, stephen. i mean... yeah, stephen," peter stutters.

you take his hand to calm his nerves. he laces your fingers together with a grateful smile.

"where's banner?" doctor strange asks. "still not here yet. scott and i started setting up, though," peter answers. "you're certainly no world renowned scientists, but fine. i trust you know enough to handle glassware," strange says sarcastically.

"and what have you been doing, practicing your magic tricks?" you ask doctor strange. "they're not tricks, it's a mystic art. but yes, actually. things work differently in the quantum realm than they do here," he replies, narrowing his eyes at you.

"thanks for clearing that up. wow, you know a lot about this stuff. i can see why they made you sorcerer supreme," you say smugly. doctor strange closes his eyes, visibly irritated. "no, they chose wong. you know that," he says in a monotone. peter bites the inside of his cheek to suppress a smile.

you'd naturally met the avengers over the years you and peter were dating. everybody loved you because peter loved you, and they loved him. doctor strange was another story. peter hardly felt like strange even tolerated him, let alone his girlfriend he was constantly getting humbled by.

you figured that if he did it to peter, someone should do it to him. peter always appreciated you having his back in those moments.

you and strange had your banter, though, and he did love peter in his own way. clearly, considering that he brainwashed the whole world for him on multiple occasions.

"is there a reason you're here exactly?" doctor strange questions you. "yeah, to watch you make pym particles." you shrug. he sighs. "make– it doesn't work that way." doctor strange turns to peter. "what is she doing here?" he crosses his arms over his chest, his cloak mirroring his stance.

"y/n's always here," peter innocently replies, swinging your connected hands back and forth.

"yeah, she's one of us!"

"who said that?" doctor strange demands, looking around the lab.

"it's me, i’m tiny. hold on." scott suddenly grows from the size of an ant to his normal, human size, appearing next to the three of you. doctor strange and his cloak jump backwards.

"have you been here this whole time?" strange's voice raises in anger. "um, yeah. pay attention much?" scott scoffs. "pete already told you, we're setting up. hey, y/n/n." you and scott fist bump. "pete," he claps peter's shoulder. peter nods at him. "hey, scott. keep up the good work."

"solidarity among the bug men, isn't that sweet?" doctor strange dryly remarks. scott points a finger at him. "listen, wizard. you should be nicer to me. i’m your ticket to this whole quantum thing."

the two of them start to argue, so you and peter sneak away. you grab peter's camera again and film him as he finishes setting up for their experiment.

"i can't believe we got all that on video," peter laughs out. "yeah, that was some avengers reality tv shit," you agree. peter tightens more test tubes in place. some have pym particles in them, others empty. you suddenly take peter's chin between your fingers, prompting him to stop what he's doing and look up.

"you know what i was trying to say before? i know you're tough, and strong, but i’ll never just see you as spider-man. you're peter."

his doe eyes lock with yours behind the camera.

"and you might be spider-man to the world, but you'll always be my peter."

peter stops the video. he rewinds it to the part where you call him your peter, and then rewinds it again. tears begin to well up in his eyes. at the time, it was just something sweet you said. you could never have known how much it would mean to him now.

peter curls up on his pillow. he's gripping the camera with both hands, holding on tightly like it's you, because it's the closest thing he has to you. tears drip down his face and land on the screen as the rest of the video plays.

"thanks, baby. i'm not that strong, though. i just try to act like it because i’m scared. this all gets pretty intimidating sometimes," peter admits. "i know, but you deserve to be here. they need you here, and i think you're strong for coming," you reassure him. you flip the camera so it's showing your face and the back of peter's head.

peter kisses your cheek, then your lips lovingly. he can't tell watching it back, but he assumes he tries for more because you giggle and turn your face away.

"okay, guys! we hashed everything out!" scott calls in the background. "something of that sort," doctor strange mutters. "and y/n, since you insist on being here..." the cloak of levitation flies over to you and forms a makeshift hand, holding out a lab coat and goggles. "we have a dress code."

peter snickers at you. you put down the camera and take the lab gear, glaring at doctor strange, who smiles wickedly. strange's cloak floats behind you and taps on the camera lens, alerting his attention to it. his smile drops.

"are you two idiots recording in my lab?" doctor strange asks you and peter. "bruce's lab," scott corrects him. "yeah, it's mr. bruce's. i mean, doctor bruce's. i mean, doctor banner's-" peter cuts himself off when doctor strange comes marching over. he narrowly avoids bumping into him.

strange's cloak swipes the camera off the lab desk. you reach for it, but the cloak floats higher.

"well, until mr. doctor bruce banner shows up, i’m in charge, and this is strictly confidential," doctor strange decides.

"but we're not gonna show anyone, it's just for memories!" peter defends. "bruce always lets us record," you add. strange grabs the camera. "coat and goggles on. now," he reprimands you, scowling at the camera as he shuts it off.

peter actually finds himself laughing when the video ends. he misses you and his team so much, but watching his old videos has been comforting. he's exhausted now, both physically and emotionally, so he gets under the covers and lets himself drift off to the sounds of your voice as the next video plays.

there's a piece of you in each one, and a piece of peter parker, too. the real peter parker — yours. he'll always belong to you, even if you don't know it.

tags

@spidermans-gf @sacharinee @thollandsgirl2013 @pettypeety @girlinlovewithlove @marvelgurl @superlegend216 @angelinabelovedballerina @moniffazictress11 @superlegend216 @doubledizzy22 @mystic-writings @just-lost-inbetween-worlds @lnmp89 @starlight-starks @hollandsangel @ellebutnotwoods @tayyx @valluvsu @ronweasleysslut @winchestersgirl222  @fishingirl12 @raajali3 @niktwazny303 @thismessymasterpiece @alina02 @itsjanedeluca @idkeverythingistakennn @prancerrparkerr @urfayevorite @getwellsoontana @deanswifeyy @marvelita86 @uhhhj13iguess

[chameleon66]

TADC Headcanon/Theory

Is Jax Transgender or at least trans coded?

This sounds like a very typical headcanon in just about any fandom and I am most definitely far from the first person to have the idea of Jax being trans. But I didn’t truly think of it until episode 5 of The amazing digital circus.

Two moments in the new episode that really made me think of this. One is when Jax mentions masculinity twice in one singular thought in regards to his avatars design.

Now it’s unclear whether or not these designs were auto generated or designed for each specific person who enters the circus.

But speaking with the second idea in mind, what if they base character designs off of the characters own thoughts/opinions of themselves.

Zooble having an unclear sense of identity being a toy with removable and swappable parts.

Ragatha being the emotional support of just about everyone and also the victim of (implied) abuse from her mom is a rag doll plush toy.

Kinger and his wife are both chess pieces which fit together with them being the king and queen piece respectively since they’re married.

And Gangle is the literal embodiment of the term masking and fragile.

(I couldn’t think of anything for Pomni).

What if Jax’s digital avatar is defined as male because that’s what he thinks of himself as, even if he before the game was biologically female.

This would probably make Jax a little more “Ok” with being trapped in the circus than everyone else. Even if Jax doesn’t remember his dead name or even the name he gave himself he probably remembers that he’s trans since it’s canon that all the players remember their lives before the circus.

Since they all didn’t know one another before the circus, all of the rest of the cast would just think of Jax as Jax and not give too much of a second thought about how he chooses to label himself.

Now, I am not transgender and even if I was, I would not get the right to speak on behalf of all trans people. But I do have some friends who are transgender or that identify outside of the gender binary and after a consultation with them I can see why Jax may see being in the circus a little differently than everyone else.

One problem all four of my friends/acquaintances brought up is their new identity not being accepted by others. Things like being constantly dead named, being misgendered even after being given their proper pronouns explicitly, and being bought or forced to specifically gendered clothing they don’t feel comfortable wearing.

One friend described it to me like this. Imagine you have worn one particular brand of shoes your whole life that somebody else bought for you but over time you grow as a person and learn you don’t feel right wearing those specific shoes, whether that’s because of style or whatever else. So you buy yourself a new pair of shoes that feels right to you but everyone else just always asks what happened to your old shoes and when you try to explain why you wanted to wear these specific shoes they don’t listen all they hear is “I wanted to be different from everyone else.” Or “I’m experimenting with things but will go back to normal when I get bored.”

This is why online spaces like social media apps may be considered escapes of those who have transgender identities. Since they say their name is whatever they want it to be and same with their pronouns and just about everything about themselves and no one will tell them they’re wrong or that they’re just going through a phase.

The digital circus parallels this in a sense since they’re all essentially strangers to each other they could actively choose what they say about themselves and what they don’t to form the “Persona” they have in the circus.

The second moment from episode five that gave me this idea is when Jax gets put in the maid outfit. His reaction to it is very negative and it’s clear he isn’t happy to be wearing it. (Look for the screenshots of it at the bottom of the post).

Now this part of my thoughts feels kind of rigged to me since to be honest I don’t know any men who’d be ok with being put into a maid outfit (Or women for that matter) but to this feels like how in media trans men often get labelled as being femboys or are still feminized thereby making their transition seemingly a meaningless fact.

In reality this over feminization of trans men can lead to a lot of feelings such as gender dysphoria, depression, anxiety along with many others. Of course I do not speak for trans people in the slightest so it’s important to take these feelings on an individual basis and not assume.

Though it is interesting to me just how upset Jax gets over it and then later Zoobles comment of never seeing Jax this upset before. One thing that also stood out to me is how Jax picked up his skirt before going to chase after Gangle. I would’ve thought that Jax wouldn’t have thought to do that if he hadn’t worn skirts or dresses in the past, probably pre-transition.

Afterwards you can also clearly see Jax feeling both horribly embarrassed and uncomfortable which is again understandable even without the possibility of him being transgender.

Though one aspect of jax being transgender I do like thinking about is how it would impact his relationship with the others.

Kinger might be confused for like a minute before someone explains it to him but would otherwise be unbothered by it whether or not he forgets.

Pomni would also probably be supportive along with Gangle.

Ragatha I’m not too sure of. While I doubt she’d ever be outwardly malicious towards him especially in regards to something like this, she may not turn on her ESA attitude she has for everyone else at the reveal of this information.

With Zooble I feel there may be some bonding with the two of them over the reveal of Jax’s trans identity. Now it’s clear in the canon of the show that they can’t stand each other but Zooble may grow a little sympathy for Jax if it ever were to happen in the show that Jax is trans, after all they both know the feeling of not liking themselves and wanting to change themselves to find what feels right for them. The only difference is that in this headcanon/scenario Jax already found it.

Jax is a character of many secrets. What does his room look like? What happens when he holds his breath? What happened to the supposed friend he used to have? Along with much more.

Now Jax canonically being trans is in all honestly probably never gonna happen but do enjoy the idea of it and wanted to share my thoughts with all the other TADC fans there are on Tumblr.

[ckret2]

Can you give us more Scaramouche/Aku content please? I crave this ship/their dynamic

With pleasure! have a bunch of headcanons

I'm currently working on a fic so I'm (mostly) trying to avoid headcanons that'd spoil parts of that fic. most of these are ideas I've left in comments or DMs but haven't put in an actual post, so the topics are all over the place.

this is one of those "this got so long that i'm unironically giving it a table of contents so i remember what's in it" posts.

a note on chronology

aku's (baselessly) worried jack could use scaramouche against him

once that's not a concern, EVERYONE'S gotta watch the wedding.

if aku's in love he's insufferable about showing off his beloved.

and insufferable about showing off for him.

scaramouche is the only bot in his line with a crush on the boss

his line was custom designed to meet aku's aesthetic tastes

scaramouche at karaoke night

scaramouche & his aku tattoos engravings

no matter who asks for the first date, it goes badly

aku's big on gift giving. like, 💰💰💰💸💳💎💍👑🔑

lot of people go "aku had a robot boyfriend built for him?? cringe"

don't use cute pet names on aku, it might kill him

"trading assassinations for dinner dates" romcom

1. some of these headcanons are pre-relationship, some are during a relationship. whenever I mentally insert scaraku into canon I never interpret it as "Aku & Scaramouche are having a relationship off-screen we just don't see." Instead, my interpretation is "Scaramouche has a decades-long crush on Aku; Aku would reciprocate if he knew, but he doesn't, and so it's never occurred to him that romance with a robot is even an option."

So any headcanons about them together as a couple aren't set in the canon timeline, but some alternate timeline where they get together (and obviously aku didn't blow up scaramouche's head.)

2. Aku's never struck me as bashful or self-conscious about his desires. If he wants something, it's everybody's business. he's telling the whole planet and if he isn't handed what he wants in five minutes he's stealing it. I imagine he'd be the same way about romance.

With one exception: when Jack's around. If Jack were to fall in love, Aku wouldn't hesitate for a second to use Jack's love interest against him (even, as it turns out, if that love interest is Aku's own flesh and blood), so he sort of assumes Jack would do the same to him. Even though Jack's a good guy. Like that would probably be one of those "for the greater good" things Aku's heard about.

Love is a weak spot. If Jack stabs Scaramouche through the chest, it'll be Aku's heart that feels it. (like, metaphorically—but I guess also literally since Scaramouche is powered with Aku essence? but we're talking about the metaphor right now.) I doubt Aku's been in love or whatever-close-approximation-passes-as-love-for-him very often, if ever before. He's not used to having a vulnerability like that. This little robot is a piece of Aku's heart that's much MUCH easier to kill than the rest of Aku is.

So as long as a guy eager and able to kill Aku is running around, Aku won't want the world to learn about this new weakness. Any relationship is top secret and Scaramouche isn't allowed to get anywhere near Jack.

3. But the second Jack's no longer a threat—OR if Jack somehow finds out about them so there's no point keeping it a secret—every TV channel on the planet is interrupted with a broadcast from Aku going "what's up bitches i'm getting married and you have to watch it or die" (he probably doesn't say it like that.)

if "Jack's no longer a threat" overlaps with "Jack's still alive" for some reason (truce? lost his sword again??), Aku's making a big deal out of inviting his daughter to the wedding and mentioning in the invitation that she can bring a +1. like, oh of course I'M not inviting the samurai, but I care about him so little that i'm not even telling you you can't bring him. that's how unimportant he is. double insult.

the wedding thing's a half joke. but like if it happened it'd go like that.

4. When Aku's got nothing to fear, he'd be SO annoying about being in a relationship. Only the greatest specialest little robot in the world could possibly have won the almighty Aku's attention, much less affection, and that means Scaramouche is the best and Aku's gonna show him off; disrespect this robot and you are disrespecting Aku (he will kill you). This is his Yoko Ono, his George Viliers. Half the world's gonna grow to really hate Scaramouche.

Scaramouche isn't bothered by this. They just hate him because he snagged the ruler of the world. Suck his hypothetical penis.

5. having a romantic relationship would just make aku even more over-the-top. Being in the same room as someone he feels loved by would puff up his ego like a helium balloon. Usually he has to keep that ego inflated by himself! Getting regular tributes from enslaved subjects can only do so much for him when he KNOWS they're only doing it on his orders; having just one person he genuinely likes who thinks the WORLD of him—not because he forced them to—would do more for him than a hundred dumb monuments in the ocean.

Scaramouche walks in and immediately smiles when he sees him and Aku knows he means it and instantly gets a little giddy, and now he's like I've gotta show off. kills the next person who walks into the room.

6. I've mentioned that I headcanon Scaramouche is just one unit in a line of robots designed & programmed similarly to him: same basic body, same initial skillset, same emotion programming—which means same preprogrammed loyalty to Aku.

Yet Scaramouche is the only one who developed a crush on the boss.

The rest of them are like "yeah of course i'm loyal to the boss to the end, but if the samurai ever actually kills him, either i'll keep working for whoever replaces him or go find some other job. i probably wouldn't even be sad about it." and meanwhile scaramouche is like "if the samurai ever kills the boss i'm just gonna kill myself too. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ no, wait. if the samurai kills the boss, I'M gonna have to go find a time portal so i can go back and stop HIM—" and the rest are like "what's wrong with you."

every once in a while he'll have a conversation with the other robo-assassins that ends with something like "what do you MEAN the rest of you don't think Aku's handsome?!?!" "WHAT'S HANDSOME ABOUT HIM??" "if he's not the standard by which you judge all other beauty, then i don't know how to explain it to you."

They're all painfully aware of Scaramouche's crush. They have all let him know they think he's an idiot. Somebody dropped a poll in the robo-assassin group chat, "DO YOU THINK AKU LIKE-LIKES SCARAMOUCHE?" 1 vote yes 11 votes no. The yes vote is a lie based on hope.

7. when Scaramouche's line was being built, the scientists told Aku that these were gonna be some super advanced robots—they've got programming for emotions and evolving personalities so they can continue to develop after they're built, they're designed to be able to survive with like 99% of their bodies blown up so that they can be rebuilt with their memories intact, these are the assassin bots of the future, these things will be usable for centuries if not longer.

And Aku went "well if i've gotta stare at these things for that long, then I at least want to like looking at them." so he told the scientists how he wanted them to look.

Which means that, without realizing it, Aku had these bots custom-designed to be particularly handsome according to his personal aesthetic standards. which shouldn't have been an issue, it's not the first time he's told his scientists "if I'm gonna be using these things then I want to like how they look," that's how he ended up with an army of beetles. except then one of these very pretty bots started hitting on him.

8. aku's in an interesting position where he basically defines "mainstream" culture—he's this world's government and god and has been for millennia, HE'S the one broadcasting propaganda, HE gets to decide what's on the airwaves; but at the same time he's also kind of the counterculture because, like… nobody wants this. nobody likes him being in charge. but in either case he's at the center of global culture. culture is defined by its orbit of him.

so people write songs about him, or songs using him as a metaphor for something else, as one does about major cultural figures. and songs about him might be:

part of mainstream culture: you know those christian rock songs that sing about jesus in a way that kind of makes you go "is the singer in love with jesus orrr—?" those, except about aku

part of the counterculture: you know how christian songs sing about the devil? those, except about aku. he considers songs about him being evil fine, but songs about casting him out/rejecting him/getting rid of him/him being defeated by some higher purer power are Not Approved, you're risking some trouble playing songs like that. but they're still written.

part of the counter-counterculture: you know how like tongue-in-cheek satanic metal bands sing about the devil? "he's awful he's terrible he's the worst yay yahoo hurray we love him"? those, except about aku. they basically loop back around to being mainstream in spite of somehow also being opposite of the mainstream songs.

"what's this got to do with scaraku?" never go to karaoke night with scaramouche because all you're getting is songs from category 1 and category 3.

9. Scaramouche has at least one engraving on his body dedicated to Aku. He possibly gets more. He's got like, you know those full sleeve tats that look like an oni or a dragon or whatever? Gets an engraving like that but it's of Aku.

To whoever does Scaramouche's engravings, he probably comes across as like,, one of those unhinged ultra-patriotic nationalists who gets a bunch of tattoos of the cult of personality dictator. Okay, creepo, as long as you're paying for them

tattoo artist doesn't find out Scaramouche is anything other than a crazy patriot until the day he comes in beaming looking like somebody used a jackhammer to carve the word "AKU" in his chest and asks for it to be filled in with gold. "It's kinda sloppy, you sure you don't want it cleaned up?" "Nope!" "Where'd you get this one done?" "Autograph from the boss himself!" "What." surely this robot means LITERALLY an autograph. Like at a meet and greet or something.

on some other engraving, "Okay, do you want the face filled in with gold like the other engravings, or do you want enamel so I can get it red and green?" "Uhhh… hold on." Pulls out his phone "hey Aku baby!!! Do you want your face in gold or enamel?" "Dude what the fuck, do you have his number?" They're like half a dozen engravings deep before the artist is like wait what do you mean you actually know him. What do you mean you're in love with him. Not sure if that's better or worse than the crazy patriot thing.

10. if Aku's the first one to ask for a date he's gonna unintentionally scare the shit out of Scaramouche. internal monologue: "should i ask him if he's free tomorrow? wait. why would i ask. i'm the one who gives him his jobs, i should know if he's free. i can make him free."

Scaramouche, talking to the robo-assassin group chat: "babes i think i fucked up :(" shares a screenshot with the group chat of a text from Aku that says "I'm canceling your next job. Report to my audience chamber tomorrow."

there are characters who are careful about navigating the nuances of a relationship with a significant power imbalance, and aku is not one of them. (Whatever Aku loves is HIS, and he'll take good care of them, treasure them, give them anything they want—but they don't get a say in the matter. If Aku's in love, the beloved doesn't get the option to say no.)

It's better for everyone if Scaramouche makes the first move—but he's been trying to make the first move for like the past twenty years and the hints fly straight past Aku. He's invited Aku to like five different public executions and every time Aku's turned him down thinking "well he just mentioned he was going to the execution and asked if I wanted to go too, only a fool would talk about their weekend plans in front of the lord and master of all and then exclude him, he only invited me to be polite."

11. Aku's INCREDIBLY grandiose with affectionate favors & gifts. he owns everything, he can do that.

like,, he approaches scaramouche like "hey i do a lot of business in this big city, i should get a permanent place to stay when i visit, you spend a lot of time in that city right? do my househunting for me, let me know which places you think are best. the budget is five million bucks—minimum." and after scaramouche gushes about a few places aku gets one and goes "ok here's the key." "wait, didn't you get this place so YOU'D have somewhere to stay?" "i did. this place has seven damn bedrooms, i'm sure you can keep one set aside as a guest room for me."

Scaramouche doesn't even want expensive stuff. expensive stuff is nice, but that's not what he's here for, he just wants aku. now he gets aku AND expensive stuff. he's the luckiest robot in the world.

he tries to return the favor, but unlike aku he's on a budget. he's not above stealing gifts, though. most common gifts he brings are jewels of various kinds—bonus if they're magical. the boss likes pretty enchanted rocks, and what the boss wants, he gets.

12. there are definitely some people who see Aku, who is the most single a person has ever been, get together with a robot, and assume "that guy's so lonely and so unpopular that he got some kind of sex bot built & programmed to be his boyfriend so he can pretend he's loved."

if Scaramouche overhears any claims like that, his response is generally "do you wanna see just what i was built & programmed to do?" 🗡️🗡️🗡️

"Aku's #1 assassin" isn't a SUPER well-known celebrity position—but it's well-known enough for a lot of people to instantly reverse their position on aku's new toy when they hear his name. oh you mean THAT scaramouche? scaramouche the merciless?? ohhh.

13. Aku is not designed to accept affectionate statements and terms of endearment. ZERO defenses against it. throwing a pet name at aku is like unleashing an invasive species on a delicate ecosystem: that thing does NOT belong here and it's gonna demolish everything in its path. aku has no antibodies for this virus. a single cutesy nickname can KO him for an hour.

Scaramouche calls him "hot stuff" and his entire face catches on fire and that's how Scaramouche learns what Aku's version of a blush looks like.

the latent leftover code from X-49 buried deep in Scaramouche's programming surfaces and he unthinkingly calls aku "sweet thing," and aku excuses himself from his audience chamber to melt in a puddle in his bed and stare at the ceiling. what is this nonsense. he is not a thing that is sweet. it's absurd. he's not thinking about anything else for the rest of the afternoon.

scaramouche is convinced he just keeps accidentally insulting aku.

14. In the IDW comics, in one issue there's a running gag about Aku upgrading Jack's bounty to "20 googolplex and a dinner date with Aku." in the depths of my DMs there's a serial killer romcom fic I'm never gonna write where Aku offers a dinner date as part of the bounty for various high-level targets, with the tacit understanding that what this means is more like "you get aku's attention for an hour to attempt to network with him or plead for your family's safety or whatever you want. and you get dinner out of it."

except scaramouche manages to take out one of these targets, goes on one dinner date, INSTANTLY falls in love even though aku did absolutely nothing to try to impress him, and starts knocking out one name on Aku's Most Wanted list after another to rack up these dinner dates.

the second time it happens aku goes "this bot again?" the fifth or sixth time it happens aku goes "this bot AGAIN???????" after the thirtieth time it happens he's going "it's been three weeks since scaramouche took out a target with a dinner date attached, what's taking him so long??"

after like the 10th date scaramouche is telling everyone he knows "yeah aku and i are definitely officially a couple" and simultaneously aku's thinking "i wonder if scaramouche would be interested in making things official. ... no, of course not, if he was interested he wouldn't only ask me out when he's collecting a bounty."

scaramouche's pals are trying to convince him that if he and aku were an item, aku wouldn't require him to kill somebody every time they go out—"he's a busy guy, that's just his excuse to make time for me!"—and meanwhile aku's sitting on his throne staring at his phone trying to telepathically command scaramouche to call him.

this idea is more silly than anything else. the idea of Aku, Shogun of Sorrow, Master of Masters waiting for a call from his kind-of-unofficial-boyfriend like a lovesick teen just amuses the hell out of me.

[princelysnape]

What kind of kinks do you think sneep would have? Would he be more vanilla? Or would he be a dom daddy with multiple kinks he'd want to try with his partner?

And... please don't judge me. I'm ovulating right now tehe 🤭🙃

i would never judge you, anon. god knows i'm not in a position to point fingers lmao

before we can discuss what kinks i think severus can possibly have, first let me acknowledge that 1) whatever desires sev may or may not have, he probably doesn't have sophisticated names for them (as previously established, the wizarding world stopped evolving in the middle ages; they're conservative and repressed), and 2) this man is extremely untrusting of others, insecure and sexually inexperienced (if he was a virgin or not by the time of his death, it's still something i'm contemplating about; ask me again in a few weeks, and i'll give you an definitive answer)

so from this alone we can presume that, yes, by definition severus must be quite vanilla. he's not seeking out people to be kinky with, simply because he's not seeking out anyone at all lmao. i mean, i guess that could change if he was to enter a stable romantic relationship with someone who's into the same things as him. it's not completely out of the realm of possibility. still, it seems rather unlikely given the time period and severus' own trauma towards intimacy and just sheer sexual repression

that's not to mean he doesn't have fantasies and desires considered out of the norm though. he does, but it's something that only exists in the depths of his mind, yes? i think he would have trouble accepting any kind of loss of control over his body and mind, especially if we're talking about his sexuality. besides, not everyone is open minded and "woke" enough to understand that having depraved and perverted thoughts doesn't necessarily make you depraved and perverted

so yeah, technically, he's not very kinky at all

HOWEVER, just because severus can't name or recognize his kinks by what they are, doesn't mean they're not real. have you ever heard of linguistic relativity? it refers to the idea that the language one speaks can influence the way they think. so if you don't have the words for something, a definition, then it's not a thing. it's not a valid concept worth thinking about seriously, and that's what happens to severus in regards to his kinks

okay, so this is getting way too fucking long to such a silly goofy ask, so let's go to the list:

voyeurism. i said this before and i will say it again: you can't be a good legilimens if you're not curious about people's secret thoughts and ideas. you have to want to know, and you have to like having the knowledge even if you don't like the knowledge itself. also, the guy was a literal spy. he thrives on knowing intimate things about people. oh, prince, but what does that have to do with anything???? BITCH, don't suppress the artist. this shit has to bleed over to other parts of his life, it's what i mean—there's no fucking way it doesn't. are you telling me he never caught a stray sexual fantasy out of someone's mind? are you telling me he never jerked off to the sound of his classmates jerking off in the slytherin dorms? are you telling me that during his gig as a spy, wandering around the manors of sexually repressed dark wizards, he never got an eyeful? please

olfactophilia. scent kink, basically. it's one of my headcanons that severus has a very acute sense of smell, weirdly so. like, imagine hannibal lecter being able to literally smell out sickness, that's severus snape. he's not really into fetid smells though, it's more of a natural body smell thing. some people say it's a pheromones thing, who knows. but give him your working out clothes and he'll masturbate with them on his face. i know this dude is into licking armpits, but i just can't prove it—

underwear fetish. panty sniffer. i'm sorry, but it's true. and yeah, it's the smell thing again, but it's also the inherently intimate nature of panties in general. i mean, your underwear is constantly cupping your bits and i feel like this is a thought severus would obsess over every time he sees someone's underwear (which, admittedly, isn't very often). also, have you ever watched call me by your name? there's a scene where elio puts on oliver's shorts and masturbates while wearing them. now that's severus snape

degradation/praise kink. this one will make enemies, i know, but hear me out. do i think severus enjoys being called names during sexy times? no, absolutely not. he will get upset, angry and insecure wondering if there's an edge of truth to your words. so no calling him a "slut". but i also do think he can enjoy it in a very specific way. if you use a softly mocking and condescending tone of voice while simultaneously praising him, this man is done for. say he's desperate or pathetic, and also call him "love" or "honey" and he's putty in your hands (needless to say, this isn't something you can just throw at him or he'll hex you to hell—baby steps)

humiliation kink. again, only under very specific circumstances where there's no actual risk of being humiliated for real. probably not even involving another human being at all, just him alone. maybe he imagines himself jerking off or having sex in front of the death eaters and the dark lord or he uses a pensive to see his own performance during sex (if you know, you know lmao) and the cringe makes him hot for some fucking reason. maybe it's because he's the one in control of the narrative so that's sexy for him, who knows🤷🏾‍♀️well, i probably should know since this is my post, but sometimes i work with vibes only, guys. i do stand by this though

exhibitionism. but like, a passive sort of exhibitionism if that makes sense. a dormant sort of exhibitionism only activated when he's aware he's being watched and the person who's watching him is also aware he's watching them. it can't be a sneaky thing, or that'll turn him off

bondage. but don't think you'll be the one tying him up because that just won't happen. yes, i think he could be into the idea of tying up his partner. of just having them completely at his mercy. he probably wouldn't even know what to do at first, but that's not really the point. it's a trust thing for him. if you trust him enough to let him restrain you like this, then that must mean you really love him and is unafraid of him. which is an honor, really. hypocritical? maybe, but you try getting hanged upside down to see if you can trust anyone restraining you ever again

soft dom/domme. you asked if i thought severus would be the type of being a daddy dom and the answer is no. honestly, i can't see him being very dominant in bed at all. but i can imagine someone doing it to him. would his person be his dominant in a official way? also, no. i think it would sneak up on them; a dynamic where severus has a partner who's "bossy", assertive and decisive and severus would just let them take the wheel sometimes. and not always sexually either. they would make sure he eats, sleeps, go out etc, and he would agree with minimal grumbling because it just feels easier having someone telling you what to do. i mean, he already has two masters, what's another one?

yeah, i think that's it for now. i hope this was... something🙂‍↔️

[alacants]

The "a thread of order" blog recently referenced something Carlos said after the 2024 RG final: “In the fifth set of the final is the time to give it all, fight until you can’t fight anymore. That’s what makes you a warrior, and I consider myself a warrior.” That quote, together with his constant references to the movie "300", his on-court histrionics and the supernatural big-final-moment level of tennis he can produce, made me spiral into an idiotic sincaraz fan-theory (OBVIOUSLY inaccurate and fictional.) So here it is:

I personally suspect that Carlos perceives matches (especially important ones) as if they were movies/plays and he's the one playing the hero & warrior archetype. It's partly why he needs the crowds: they're all part of the scene, and also big reactions feel more epic. And it's also why he can sometimes reach an unbelievable level at the acme of big matches, something that would require inhuman amounts of confidence and self-belief: that's because in that moment he's not just Carlos the excellent tennis player-normal guy, he's not just himself (that would cause some amount of insecurity) but he's actually embodying The Heroic Warrior archetype! And he knows that there's a divine narrative script in place for heroes in stories (matches) which will make him prevail at the end. It's basically a narrative archetype/role he tries to live up to and embody in matches, because he needs to see the matches and himself as "something more" in order to then get more from himself on court. And when the opponent is weak or the match isn't exciting the illusion of being the Hero-Warrior is obviously harder to maintain obviously.

On the other side we have Jannik, who tries to block out the crowd and be composed, and only communicates with his team and his opponent. Where Carlos tries to see the whole stadium as part one big scene that's enacting something more than a tennis match, Jannik tries to shrink his world to the strict permiter of the singles court plus his own box. For him it's a competitive pro game, it's his career and his public role, it's exciting and fun and terrible but it's not a big metaphor or an archetypal flight of fancy. He's competing against his opponent and trying to play the best tennis possible. He's "just" himself on court, the player-version of himself.

[I wonder if this maybe would have something to do with Jannik not focusing on tennis until he was 13 (and having a more gradual and setback-prone rise) while Carlos has been immersed in tennis from birth basically (and has obviously had a more sudden and easier rise in the scene.) I don't think that can be the reason though, it's too superficial.]

op this essay is awesome. i was just answering an unrelated ask and coming to the same conclusion that carlos thrives on the narrative import of big moments. he is Aware of them in a way that not every athlete can let themselves be aware, he is Aware of what it means to rise to the occasion. classic advice is "pretend it's just another match" but carlos demonstrably performs better in Big Moments than in just another match.

also think this contributed to the post-olympics crashout. not just defeat, not just a match he could have won, but failure at the ultimate climax of the ultimate stage of the biggest theater in sport, the global superevent literally created to propagate the idea that Sports Is More Than Sports. all that, and here's where he finds out that sometimes sheer protagonism just isn't enough. narrative of choice trumped by other, bigger narrative. i'm sure that was wildly destabilizing to experience for the first time, lol, good (????) thing he's got the protagonism back on track now.

this all just boils down, again, to the question of ego and self-made mythos and can you achieve greatness without storytelling. (© user radelulu.) it is sooooooooo fun to see absolute black-and-white photonegative-inverses in a direct clash for our entertainment. tho bc the clash is taking place in the theater of sports the table is rigged and the house, aka storytelling, always wins—the only way to beat it is to remove yourself from the table.

[amillionmagpies]

Yes! One of the things I think a lot of people forget is that in Avengers, it's not Fury's idea to use Coulson's death to bring the Avengers together; it's Coulson's. As he's dying, he tells Fury, "they needed something to fight for," (or something along those lines, I'd have to go watch that scene again for the exact dialogue and I don't feel like it rn). It's literally his dying wish to have Fury use his memory to bring the Avengers together, and Fury honors that! Hill gives him shit for the whole thing with the Captain America trading cards, but being a cynical bastard isn't the (only) reason he did it - he also did it because Coulson asked him to. Because that's who Coulson is.

It really makes me emotional how Phil Coulson has always symbolized union, bringing people from different places and being the glue that holds them together. I love how this is codified into his Marvel appearances, from his roles in almost every Phase I movie, literally being the Superhero Wrangler, to his death leading to the Avengers coming together, to then creating a new team of people who would end up being as close as family. I love how AoS carries on this idea, how he continues to be the "guy who brings in strays", like people headcanon he did with Barton, like we saw he did with Daisy, and would do with others like Kara, how he's literally "the one who can bring all the pieces together". That's literally who he is. We (and him) joke about Dying being his superpower. But I think his real power is that he is the very personification of the ideal he inherited from Fury's "a man can accomplish anything once he realizes he's a part of something bigger". And people do come together for him. He's the one who makes possible the whole solution because he brings together the pieces that solve the puzzle. He is more than just Fury's right hand man, more than the Director, more than the dad of the group. He's literally the heart and soul of early MCU and AoS, the symbol, the one that took the potential that so many extraordinary people, powered and otherwise, had, and managed to make them work like well-oiled machines, long after he was already gone.

[twilightofthesandwiches]

Right from the start, Deltarune has established itself as a “Game Where Choices Don’t Matter”. Only having one ending has been core to its narrative and theming since day one. But it’s important to remember that it’s a concept that Deltarune has explored through several different ways, with two broad ‘main’ angles.

First there is the obvious way. That “Your Choices Don’t Matter” feels restrictive, oppressive, foreboding. The railroading that makes everything ‘safe’ in a way that feels just slightly insincere, the idea that making a real change in this world is impossible, the Darkners doomed to their Purpose to 'serve' the Lightners, the Prophecy that cannot be changed.

It's about the feeling of powerlessness, a lack of control. It's kinda creepy even when you're forced into a 'good ending' (like the Card Castle Darkners joining Castle Town even if you've been nothing but an absolute menace to them), but especially so if you're marching towards some inevitable and terrible fate.

But on the other hand of that spectrum, there is the matter of Player Agency versus Character Agency. Sometimes in Deltarune, your Choices Don't Matter not because the Choice was taken away from you by some Great Unseen Force - but because you, the Player, are the Great Unseen Force and the characters are asserting their Agency against you.

The general point here is that the Player's Choice often stands at odds with the narrative agency of the characters. Ralsei is the most accommodating member of the main cast and the one most likely to ask Kris (or rather the Player) what to do, and… he's also unhealthily selfless doormat who literally does not believe he's allowed to have opinions of his own and is the most fatalistic about the Prophecy. The biggest example of actual Player Choice in the game so far is the Weird Route, which requires tearing away the agency of both Noelle and Kris until they are tools for the Player.

Kris themself is also a factor in this. Being Literally Possessed means that they're really the perfect example of lacking in freedom and lacking in choices… And when they are asserting their own Agency, it's usually by taking away a 'Choice' from the Player. They often try and rebel, resist or wise-ass their way out of doing or saying something that they don't truly want to say or do.

And their most important moments are, of course, the ones they do of their own will.

It is all 'railroading' from an out-of-universe perspective because it is just the Game stopping you from doing things that will cause the narrative of the story to diverge too much, but within the fiction that the game created, it is a bold act of free will.

The characters' relationships and arcs are 'set on a path' and unchanging because they are dependent on the characters' personalities and experiences and their choices, and there's very little the Player can do to override that. Like, being discouraging towards Ralsei's character arc in Chapter 4 is a huge dick move on the part of the Player, but I doubt it will actually stop him from his path to growth. Because with Susie's support (and Kris' attempt to also support him despite our Choices)

his development is not in our hands.

Basically the one time the Player can meaningfully affect another character's arc and relationship… is Noelle in the Weird Route. And again, this is portrayed as a very dark act of manipulation that robs her and Kris of their genuine choices and will.

And nowhere is this concept more clear than with Susie. The most rebellious character in the entire cast, the one most likely to chafe against the railroady nature of the world and the inevitability of the Prophecy and also against the Player. A lot of the plot in this game has been the same, regardless of our choices, regardless of the Weird Route… because Susie's will and choices has been such an overwhelming leading force in the narrative, that the Player can do very little to change it.

We know Deltarune only has one ending, but I don't think that means we are doomed to get whatever terrible fate has been promised in the Prophecy. I think maybe there's only one ending because there's hardly any Choice a Player can make that will slow down Susie's unbreakable, unwavering, unchangeable fate-defying spirit, we will not be able to Choose to hinder her sheer Determination to break the Prophecy and give herself and all of her friends a happy ending. Susie herself is the real inevitability in Deltarune.

At least, that's the best we can hope for.

[hazard-haze]

Eddie and Volt headcanons (no player)

Soooooo

My brain has decided this shit is my new hyperifxation

And that these are my new comfort characters

But I heard that everyone was getting a hate ending with them and guess who got friendship with them first tryyyyyy! So uh, skill issue/j heres some headcanons for ya'll :)

-He doesn't do it often because he knows Eddie hates it, but Volt can 110% pick up Eddie and will abuse this power if he needs to

-Eddie is Volt's anger translator. It usually goes something like this:

Volt: "We are sorry you weren't satisfied with our service, but this is the best we can do and I'm going to have to ask you to leave now."

Eddie *passing by behind him*: "Pay your fucking tab and get out!"

-Volt cannot keep his hands still, he tries to play it off suave-ly (?) by just tapping his fingers and running his hand through his hair repeatedly but when he gets really excited or angry about something he will wave his hands with big, fast, eccentric gestures.

-Volt wears eyeliner, sometimes Eddie helps him put it on.

-Eddie is very talented at most things he does, fixing, building, mixing drinks (he can even do some tricks with shakers), and there's a plethora of odd things he's picked up throughout the years. However this makes him get pretty frustrated when things don't work out the first couple times he attempts something. While not the main reason, this is part of why he was so frustrated and irritable during most of his main plot. Volt sometimes has to remind him that it's okay to not have everything figured out immediately, or pull him from his work if he's starting to stress out or exhaust himself too much.

-On the topic of pulling Eddie from his work, that is a feat. Volt full well knows he can't just ask Eddie to take a break, usually he has to either ask him to do something easier as a favor, or blame the break on himself.

"Oh Eddie, I know your in the middle of something but could you wipe the bar down? I have no time before we open."

"Eddieeeee, I have no one to watch the new season of Cougar vs Cougar with! Would you take a break to and come watch it with me? Please! Just for a little bit! Just one episode!" (They got through like 2 1/2 before Eddie passed tf out)

-Oh yeah, Volt loves reality TV and Eddie pretends to not be at least a little invested.

-Eddie can draw. Volt cannot. Volt is very jealous of Eddie in this regard.

-Infodumpingggggggg. They infodump to one another without even realizing it, it is so much of how they communicate. They will ramble and bounce ideas off each other, mostly about the club but about other stuff too.

-On the flip side. They can also communicate by saying pretty much nothing, just through brief glances. I think it would partly be because they are literally split from the same thing but it's more in that way when you widen your eyes slightly at your bestie and that equates to like a full paragraph of text.

-Eddie is short af, Volt is tall af.

-Volt makes fun of Eddie for being short

-Like seriously ya know that audio that's like "I know we don't always see eye to eye" "that because your too short to do so"

-Eddie will get revenge. He can kick/punch really hard but he can also come up with some other very clever ways of revenge. Do not mess with the guy who has access to the tools.

-Neither of them really like just hard liquor. Volt likes sweeter drinks and Eddie likes quality craft beers. If either sees the other drinking something like scotch/whiskey they can usually assume somethings wrong.

-Volt has sooooo many ideas for the club, several of which are not exactly... possible. Eddie has to be the one to break the news to him that No Volt we can't break down the retaining wall of the bar and turn it into an inanimal fish tank. Why? Because without it the roof would collapse!

-Volt's love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation

-Eddie's love language is acts of service.

-Going deeper into that, Volt loves physical touch, as previously mentioned. Eddie however does not. But they make it work, Eddie can tell when Volt needs a hug or just to have someone next to him, Volt can tell when Eddie is getting overstimulated or just needs space.

-They both have their ears pierced. Volt did it for both of them.

-Eddie actually quite likes talking to people, I mean he's definitely tended the bar at some point, he just doesn't like talking to annoying people. He's sarcastic and his humor is a bit deadpan and he's more reserved, but he 100% can be very funny and hold conversations very well with patrons and even better with friends.

-That being said, bro does not chat while he works on maintenance. If anyone, including Volt, is working with him, he isn't saying shit unless its telling them what to do, or looking over their work. If someones lucky they get a "Good job."

-Neither have ever been a fan of the dark, but they especially would not be after the black out.

-They both hate silence, I mean they work in a night club, at this point it just feels unnatural.

-Kinda already mentioned this but Volt gets quiet angry and Eddie gets loud angry. If Volt goes silent, you know you fucked up. On the opposite end, it will sometimes be assumed that Eddie is mad because he's being quiet but that just how he is, if Eddie actually is properly yelling you know he's upset.

-Nerve damage babyyyyyy. It is all up Eddie's arms, contributes to why he's not super touchy because his arms get that awful pulling, itchy, pain when something touches them.

-Volt can get some nasty fatigue. The electricity fluctuates? Bro is immediately drained, head rush, migraine, the whole shabang.

-Not really headcanon but neither of them are good at admitting they need help or at accepting it when its offered.

-They both know each others triggers tho, and make sure to tell the other to rest when they need to. Neither take their own advice.

-Eddie hyperfocuses like crazy. If he sits down with his tools, something to fix and no one around he will not move from that spot for hours.

-Volt is always jumping from project to project, person to person, never slowing down. There's a lot to do in the breaker box and he is more than happy to juggle all of it.

-Both of them forget to sleep because of these facts. and eat (do they eat?). and talk to other things. and talk to each other. and-

-They would be cat people. Volt has definitely brought up getting an inanimal from Mateo but Eddie is always hesitant (even though he would 100% end up loving it to bits if they got one)

----

Ya'll I think I'm a loser. Instead of being out on a night off I am sitting in my bedroom writing headcanons about an actual breaker box in a dating sim that I'm not even attracted to, I just think their silly. What is my life T-T

[snowstormarts]

omgomg wait youre taking date everything reqs!! this is my first time req something, may i have literally any form of headcanons for Chance, Parker, Penelope and/or Connie/Luna? I love these nerds so much ToT thank youu!!! - 🌹

Headcanons coming right up for you dear Rose Anon! Also I already wrote something for Parker here so feel free to check that out :D

Likes & Reblogs are appreciated and like always the Inbox is open for Asks & Requests

Date Everything Headcanons Galore

[Feat; Chance, Penelope & Connie/Luna]

🎲 Chance 🎲

- Has a collection of mini-figures for G&G that he paints while thinking of new ideas for his campaign or after a stressful one. If you're friends/lovers he will gladly let you paint one of them, he will even explain how to if it's your first time

- He only accept Co-Dungeon Mastering with his partner, nobody else. It's something very important to him and he trusts you enough to nudge your group into the right direction if they trail too far off the road ["Our bard is in jail..." "Don't worry I know one of the guards and he owes me a favor"]

- Wears the Red Glasses not only for aesthetically reasons but also because his eyes are super sensitive to light, you can often see him without his glasses when you visit him at night

- I don't care what anyone says but every person I know [including myself] who plays Dnd is neurodivergent, so I bestow upon him the biggest honor I can; Autism Headcanon Blast!

-Rongomaiwhenua & him have a mutual helpful friendship, she helps him imitate how gods would speak so he can use those in his Campaigns while she gets amusement out of him

🗃 Penelope 🗃

- She got really into coloring books, especially those with positive messages ["You don't need to solve all your problems today, it's enough to just make it through" "You're worth of Kindness and Care", ect]

- She's friends with Dolly who helps her build up her confidence and is there on her lowest moments, Penelope in turn helps Dolly keep all her paperwork organized & quizzes her on things she currently studies

-Has an Inanimal buddy which is a Erasle [Eraser Turtle] who hates everyone but her, they even dislike Mateo and will glare at him

🎮 Luna/Connie 🎮

- Get's super competitive in all games, even cozy games where there is no rival farmer ["We will be the best farmers and beat our competition!" "But...We're the only farmers" "For now, who knows who will come to take our title!"]

- She will alert you when there's a sale on games you either wanted but always missed the sale or on games she really wants to try out

- Had a slight crush on Telly when she first arrived here but it has long since faded and they are now work acquaintances, nothing more

- Hates when Updates have to be done since she's basically forced to sleep through them with the energy they consume. She could rant for hours how much a sudden update sucks and she will if you offer to lend an ear

[ilchulsoleil]

DO NOT TRY MANIFESTING A BEATLES BOYFRIEND!! PLEASE!!! YOU HAVE BEEN SEVERELY WARNED!!!

I HAVE ACCIDENTALLY MANIFESTED THREE JOHN LENNON LOVE INTERESTS IN THE PAST YEAR ALONE!!! I have learned my lesson.

(first and last ones are genuinely uncanny)

Each scenario and how it affected me:

Ok I lied, the first guy I've known for longer than when I first started liking John Lennon (I know. I KNOW.)

First guy, I highkey thought he was a girl when I met him (for a whole two months) and I was really intimidated by him at first but then we became friends and he got me into making music & I've wrote songs about him but he has no idea and he's kind of f-cked up by his youth & we've known each other since we were teenagers. We've tensed up our tight-knit friend group more times than I'd like to admit & the best I can describe our relationship is like enemies to something grander than lovers in a constant cycle only comparable to doomed yuri, but I love him & he loves me back even if things get between us.

This is literally Paul and John guys. He's my John. Like, my official one.

The second guy, my gosh, guys, (derogatory) I started becoming friends with this guy who is literally 1970 raggety, greasy ass John Lennon, and I swear to you I didn't know him for longer than a week and he asked me out without even remembering my name </3 Something's definitely up with this guy but after I ignored him for half a year we became friends again.

Guys. Honorable (or dishonorable) mention is actually this freak ass guy I hung out with ONCE at a volunteer thing for a stageshow and he wasn't even PART OF IT. He just WALKED IN AND SAT AROUND. And he was really bad at everything but he was funny and I guess that got to him cause I never spoke to him again but I saw him last month at a party and the weirdo was in HEAT 😒genuinely hate him. Looked like 1970 John, acted worse than what 1968 mutton chops looks like.

Sigh..

The last guy. Man. This was simmering in the pot of lore, man. I sort of knew this guy, and the first time any of my friends said anything about him, it was NEGATIVE. So naturally I just avoided him but also naturally to myself, I picked up on casual chats with him as I do with everyone, and I realised this guy wasn't as bad as he was put out to be. He was just sort of out there. He had a very distinct (and annoying) voice, and he just acted off. Definitely theatrical by some points. But I didn't judge, and he introduced me to his friends, and I even hung out with them when they all did their music stuff. I never spoke much when it was all of them, but I did when it was just the two of us (do you see where I'm going). This guy spoke more about his best friend more than he ever did anything else, and they were really close and touchy. Like, I thought they were the ones dating at some points. I didn't know him before his past relationships, but according to everyone they were pretty bad, and he wanted to be better than how he used to be with me. So I guess my manifestation of a later John guy was on its way to me. However, he was a little too much for me, and he cut me off because I wasn't romantic enough. Maybe this is his Lost Weekend & we'll meet some other time. I hope I never see him again, though, honestly.

I like being John-less. Even if I have my original still in my life. Love that guy.

I'm gonna start manifesting a Paul McCartney husband now I guess. Just kidding, I learned after the first four times. Leave me alone, Beatles.

[maxdibert]

I don't get the idea that Severus is "the one character that it's important to keep as a white straight man"... Like, why? What do they mean?

It's important that's he's white so he can be a former death eater? That doesn't make sense, because race isn't the same as blood purity. Also, who says you can't headcanon him as asian or other race?

It's important that he's straight because of his relationship with Lily? But he could love Lily and still be bi/pan. Or asexual. That changes nothing. Not to mention that he's very queer coded, as many people have pointed out.

Who am I kidding, I know what they mean. They want Severus to be a cishet white man so it can "make sense" that he joined the death eaters. So it looks like he is "privileged" compared to everyone else. Which is ridiculous, considering we are talking about someone who grew up in poverty. How is that your average "privileged white man"?

The more I think about it, the more it strikes me how desperately these people cling to that monstrous image they’ve built of Severus and how, in order for it to make sense in their heads, he has to be a white, straight man. Like, that’s not a coincidence. It’s literally the only way they can maintain that flat, one-dimensional, almost propagandistic version of him. Because, of course, if you start adding layers, if you acknowledge that he’s working-class, that he grew up in an abusive home, that he possibly had mental health issues, that he was marginalized and isolated as a teen then suddenly the “pure evil” narrative doesn’t hold up anymore. It doesn’t fit their symbolic scapegoat mold.

And that’s where it gets interesting, because what they’re doing —whether they realize it or not— is reducing the human experience to this hyper-individualistic, neoliberal formula where only certain identity markers matter. In their minds, being white and male automatically means being in a position of power, always, in every context, like race and gender are the only axes of oppression that exist. As if class, poverty, trauma, neglect, or mental illness don’t count. It’s a logic that comes straight out of hegemonic U.S. discourse —the kind of stuff that’s been exported worldwide through social media— where “white man” equals top of the food chain, no questions asked. But that logic doesn’t work everywhere.

Because no, being a white man in liberal US society is not the same as being a white, working-class man in a caste-like society disguised as a democracy, like Britain. The HP world is clearly modeled on British aristocratic structures, where class is everything. Blood status, last name, old money... that’s what determines your place. What good is whiteness if you’ve got no money, if you live in a grimy little house on Spinner’s End, if your dad beats you, and your classmates mock you because your robes are second-hand? Race won’t save you from that. Being a man won’t protect you from public humiliation, loneliness, or social contempt. But these people don’t get it, because they’re viewing everything through the lens of Twitter USA 2020.

And then there’s the most disturbing part: this obsession with “rewriting” characters. Like, giving a character a different ethnicity or sexual orientation isn’t a problem in itself (in fact, it can be interesting in many cases), but here, the subtext is twisted. What they’re doing isn’t reinterpretation, it’s moral laundering. It’s using oppressed identities as moral shields. As if being gay, or racialized, or trans suddenly made your actions immune to criticism. As if belonging to a minority group automatically made you a better person. And that’s not just a childish view of the world, it’s a dangerous one.

Because what are they really saying, deep down? That if the abuser isn’t white or straight, then it’s not abuse? That if someone from a minority attacks someone from the “dominant” group, then it’s fine? Then it’s not violence? And that’s deeply disturbing. Because it implies that they’ve truly internalized the idea that abuse only exists when it comes from above, and never in reverse. That power is only ever structural, never situational, emotional, or interpersonal. But that’s just not true. Abuse is abuse, no matter who commits it. And no, turning the victim into a symbol of dominant hegemony doesn’t make your violence any less violent. Even if that “dominant” victim is a poor, traumatized, working-class teenage boy. Apparently, none of that matters.

The logic is absurd. And the worst part is it’s not innocent. Because behind all this, there’s a desperate need to justify certain symbolic (and sometimes literal) forms of aggression under the excuse that they’re aimed at “the enemy.” But if you need to turn another person into a flattened ideological prop just to feel good about hurting them then you’ve already dehumanized them. And honestly, that’s what’s terrifying. And, certainly, that's so close to fascist mentality. The actual one, the REAL one.