#also if ive made mistakes someone tell me and i’ll correct it

[augujerdeer]

hi! ive been checking out some of your blogs and i really feel it like a safe space, so i finally make up my mind to ask a -prob silly question- concerning did x MD. i am a maladaptive daydreamer and have created some ““oc s”” in my head that are for the majority very close to our reality, just that i am in another person’s body (that i made up only) living a slight different life. briefly, in one of those, the person “i am” has DID. however i do not have DID myself, but it’s a mental disorder that genuinely interests me (no k!nk!!!! ) and ive made lots of researches to learn more about it and educate myself. anyways, i was asking if that was irrespectful or naive and that i should stop daydreaming of that “imagined reality”, insisting on the fact i do not fake having DID irl!! -i think this is ridiculously wrong and terribly stupid and hurting-; it’s all just stories i am making in my head day to days. i also don’t romanticize traumas of any kind (having ones myself).

i’d just thought having the opinion of a person w DID could be helpful and educational and guiding.

thank you if you read up to this much! this is a genuine question and i have no bad intentions but to learn and change :)

Huh, i dont know how to answer this myself! I understand why you’re on anon, this can be a scary question to ask

So.. letting this sink in for a minute or two, personally, i think it’s fine..? Just remember these pointers:

Not claiming you do have DID, which you already know that dkbdkdh

Knowing that, just because you do all the research, it doesn’t make you a source for what DID is, what it’s like, how it works! Don’t use your research as a way to “gatekeep” or tell others (both singlets or systems) how systems “should work or are” basically! You will not see us engage in system gatekeeping anywhere, but we also agree a discussion like that has no place for singlets to be in

Please be aware of the “stereotypes” systems have! Systems who are “evil” “criminals” are a stigma, and having “evil alters” is also a stereotype. It’s complex

The reason why I don’t think this is something at least we (our system) should be concerned about, is because you seem to know what would be disrespectful to do! And it reminds me of how.. we believe people who don’t experience [thing] should still be able to (and/or can) write about [insert thing here], and they can with the right research and going to the right people for advice. It’s not the same thing as maladaptive daydreaming(?) (which we don’t have! But know there are systems out there who are both systems and have MD, so it might be helpful to look for those people? I understand it might be difficult), but it does remind me of the writing process authors [should] have. We’ve for sure seen singlets try to write people with DID/OSDD1/etc and it would be strange for us to say “only people with [insert things here] can write these!” That’s kind of a toxic mindset we think, and means less chances for representation. Also, plus, this is something you’re doing privately in your own space

ANYWAY im rambling, i suggest finding other systems to ask about this with!

TL;DR = for us, it’s fine, you seem to try to be as respectful as possible. As long as you’re not pushing your ideas onto others or harming systems or singlets with what you’re learning or doing then I don’t see what the problem is!

I think the worry some people might have, is the possible antagonization of, or making a system a villain! Which, i think is the most disrespectful thing someone can do. It’s not like a system can’t hurt others (we’ve seen and experienced it, systems are never perfect and should not be put on a pedestal) BUT in mainstream media systems are tend to always be “evil” and criminals, so please try not to go that route! Out of everything, that’s the only thing I can ask of you! “evil systems” are a terrible stereotype, and the most disrespectful thing you could do i think, because of the lack of good representation people with systems have

[potionsprefect]

One Split Second

Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x Victoria Clarke

Word count: 2.4k

Summary: An incident in the hospital sends shockwaves

Rating: T

Category: angst/trauma (but there’s a happy ending)

Victoria Clarke walked the corridors of Bloom Edenbrook, smiling to fellow doctors and nurses who were attending to patients. She headed over to the admin desk to pick up a new patient chart, having previously discharged her last one.

“Hi Ines. Any interesting cases come in today?” Victoria asked as she approached the doctor.

“Hiya Victoria. Take your pick. The sooner we discharge these patients, the better. How’s the wedding planning coming along?” Ines replied brightly.

“We’re getting there. These last few months are stressful making sure everything’s in order. I’ve already fallen out with my sister-in-law twice over my nieces bridesmaid dress.” Victoria sighed.

“Oh no. I’m sorry to hear that. What was it over? Angie had a similar problem with hers and opted for none in the end!” Ines laughed slightly.

“I wanted my niece Isabella to wear a headband on the day but my sister-in-law disagreed saying she would find it itchy. She wanted her to wear a flower crown but I’m not a big fan of those. This was two weeks ago and we haven’t really spoken since.” Victoria sighed.

Victoria loved her sister in law Erin but she really wished she had listened to what she was trying to point out. Erin was adamant that Isabella wouldn’t wear the headband but Victoria had said she had worn them before. Erin said she knew her daughter best and that she wouldn’t wear one and Victoria couldn’t persuade her. They hadn’t spoken since.

“Oh I’m sorry. Nine times out of ten the stress leading up to a wedding is usually always something to do with bridesmaids. But all of that won’t spoil your big day! I’m so excited for you!”

“Thanks Ines.” Victoria smiled.

“Instead of taking your pick, I’ve got one case here for you.” Ines pointed to the whiteboard. “It’s just been assigned to you which I found a little strange but I guess it’s nothing abnormal. Here’s the chart.” Ines handed Victoria a standard looking chart.

“Thanks Ines” Victoria smiled as she walked off down the corridor and into the elevator to see the said patient.

Her route to the patients room took her past her fiancé’s office. She saw him through the window, working away at the laptop in front of him. Victoria made a mental note to go visit him once she has assessed her new patient.

Finding the correct room, Victoria opened the door and noticed the curtains were drawn around the bed.

“Mr Embleton?” Victoria pulled back the curtain and froze in her steps.

“Well well well. Hello Victoria. What a nice surprise seeing you here.” A young man smirked from his bedside.

“George Embleton?! What are you doing here?” Victoria stepped back.

“What does it look like I’m doing here? I’ve injured my leg. I need stitches.” George pointed to his leg. “And you’re going to be the one to do it.”

“Why me?”

“Because I said so.” George replied.

Victoria eyed the young man she had once been at school with. He had always been a nasty piece of work. What was he doing in Boston?

Victoria grabbed the suturing kit and pulled up a stool and set to work on stitching George’s leg. Victoria could just see out the corner of his eye him watching her, almost as if he was waiting for her to make a mistake.

“So what are you doing here in Boston?”

“A simple hello would’ve sufficed. But as you’re clearly so desperate, I’m here for a conference. Not that it’s any of your business.” George replied.

“Part of my job is to make conversation to keep the patients at ease, whether I know them or not is irrelevant.” Victoria replied not looking up from her work.

“You always were a mouthy little cow at school, shame your attitude hasn’t changed.”

“And you’re still treating me like you did all these years later. And for the record, the Wilkinson School of Dancing thought I was amazing, no matter what your little friends told you.” Victoria looked up at him.

“Keep telling yourself that Clarke, I’m not the one who fumbled up a big performance.” George shrugged.

“Only after you shouted out that you’d seen less fat on a piece of steak than my thighs.” Victoria said eyes burning with tears.

Dance used to be her life. She thought about becoming a professional dancer instead of a doctor but that one performance shattered her confidence that she never danced in front of an audience again.

“Wasn’t lying though was I?”

“Not even your friends could persuade you to dial it down a bit. Did someone hurt you in another life and you were reborn so you could be hellbent on getting revenge?” Victoria hit back. He wasn’t going to come here and terrorise her. Not now and not ever.

“Shut your mouth.” George snapped.

“Luckily for you I will. Because I’m done. I’ll get you your discharge paper and you can get the hell out of here so I never have to see your face again.” Victoria said standing up.

As Victoria turned her back, what she didn’t know was that George had a lighter in his hand and a cigarette in the other. She also didn’t notice when she originally walked into the room that he had an IV in his arm.

What happened next, seemed to happen in slow motion. George flicked the lighter and Victoria found herself thrown to the floor, her ears ringing, vision blurry, she could just about make out an orange flame before everything went black

— — — — —

Ethan headed down the stairs, a small spring in his step. Life really couldn’t be much better. He was about to marry the love of his life in a few months and he was looking forward to starting a new life with her.

“Doctor Ramsey!” A voice called behind him. Ethan turned round to see Sienna walking towards him, chart in hand.

“Doctor Trinh.” Ethan nodded as she came and stood next to him.

“I just wanted to check that you are ok. Victoria mentioned she was having a slight disagreement with her sister in law over wedding planning and I wanted to check that you’re not caught in the middle.”

“That’s very kind of you Sienna.” Ethan chuckled.

“Just trying to be a better person every chance I get.” Sienna shrugged.

“There’s a lot of people out in the world who would be grateful for you checking up on them. I am definitely one of them.” Ethan smiled.

“Thank you. So tell me. Has the storm weathered or are the clouds still rolling?” Sienna laughed a little.

“To be honest it’s just raining at this point. They haven’t spoken since but the storm clouds have evaporated. William and I are trying to make peace but Erin is standing firm by her decision.” Ethan sighed.

“I’m sure she’ll come around. It’s Victoria’s and your wedding in the end. What Victoria wants should be the final decision.” Sienna said.

“I hope so. I just don’t want that to overshadow the big day.”

“It won’t. All that matters that day is you two and your happiness. Besides, we’ve all been planning a special present for the two of you so even if the wedding goes wrong, you’ll have something to cheer you up.” Sienna laughed a little.

“Thanks Sienna, although I hope-“

BOOM!

The noise was deafening. Everyone within a few feet of the blast were thrown off their feet. Glass shattered everywhere and there was the smell of smoke and a bright orange flame.

Ethan lifted his head and saw others slowly getting to their feet. He looked round and saw Sienna lying a few feet away, covered in blood.

“Sienna! Are you okay?” Ethan moved over to her, helping her get to her feet.

“Yeah I think so. Is that blood?” She felt her forehead and felt something sticky. “Oh god.”

“Go and get yourself cleaned up.” Ethan said.

“No no I’m okay. I’ll be fine.” Sienna insisted. “Where did this explosion come from?”

“I don’t know. We need to open this door.” Ethan said.

He decided to break the door down not knowing what to expect behind it. Once he kicked the door off it’s hinges his heart stopped.

There on the floor, laid his beautiful fiancé. Ethan dropped to his knees and cradled her head in his hands, tears forming in his eyes.

“Oh my god!” Sienna cried. “I’ll go grab a gurney!” She hurried off and came back with two nurses who were pushing a gurney.

“Do blood work and get her vitals. And we need a head CT just to be sure.” Ethan barked as he picked up his soon to be bride and laid her gently on the gurney.

“Got it, we’ll look after her.” Sienna reassured him. She knew he wanted to stay but his anger was high. He needed to stay calm and seeing Victoria how she was wasn’t going to help anyone.

“Sienna-“

“No Ethan. She’ll be okay. She’s in safe hands. Help others who are injured and find out what the hell has happened.” Sienna instructed as she wheeled Victoria away to a trauma room.

Ethan watched her be wheeled away by the nurses, panic still rushing though his veins. His thoughts were interrupted by an object approaching him out the corner of his eye.

“I am here to help. Please do not interfere with my work.” Binx’s cheery voice echoed.

“Yes yes carry on you overgrown pile of nuisance.” Ethan huffed.

“You sound angry. I am trained to-“

Ethan punched him.

— — — — —

The bright lights were beginning to irritate her, voices swarmed around, not to mention the pounding as if someone was hitting her head with a hammer.

“I think she’s waking up!” A familiar voice said. Victoria opened her eyes to see a dozen pair of eyes looking down at her.

“Victoria? Can you hear me?” Sienna voice said.

“Yeah I... what happened?” Victoria said groggily.

“There was an explosion in one of the rooms. Luckily you’re not too badly injured.” Sienna replied.

“Shame about the other guy.” Jackie said.

“Other guy?” Victoria asked. Then it hit her. “Oh my god! My patient!” Victoria sat up.

“Woah Vic calm down! He’s okay. Well kind of. He wasn’t badly injured, but he was arrested.” Bryce said from the foot of the bed.

“What?!”

“Yeah it turns out the saline bags had ether in them, one spark and then everything just blew up. He apparently had a lighter in his pocket.” Elijah said.

“He said he knew you. Who was he?” Rafael asked from where he was sat.

“I... I went to school with him. He used to bully me relentless.” Victoria sighed.

“So how comes you were assigned to him?” Sienna asked.

“I may have an answer to that.” Jackie said. Everyone looked at her as she turned to Victoria, looking at her sympathetically. “You know the lab technician Eliza Fitzgerald? Turns out they’re cousins. She was the one who put the saline bags in even though he didn’t require them. And she put your name on the board at his request. They’re both in custody now.”

“But why?” Bryce said.

“Because he hates me. And he clearly wanted to step everything up a notch.” Victoria said tears rolling down her face.

“We’d never let anyone hurt you. You’ll always have us and Ethan.” Sienna put an arm around her.

“Speaking of Ethan why isn’t he round my bedside? And where’s Aurora?”

“Patching up your fiancées hand. He and Binx had an unfortunate encounter earlier.” Elijah chuckled.

“It was quite a sight to see.” Rafael laughed.

“He’s also barking out orders to the hospital board about employee safety. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Naveen look so wary of him.” Jackie said.

“I’ve made a mental note to never cross Ramsey’s path.” Bryce chuckled.

“I’ll page him, we’ll come by and see you tomorrow.” Sienna gave Victoria a hug. The rest of the group filtered out the room as Victoria gazed out into the dark sky, the city sparkling under the moonlight.

“You need to stop scaring me Rookie.” A voice suddenly said. Victoria looked towards the door to see her fiancée hurrying over to her bed, wrapping her up in his arms when he got close enough.

“I’m so sorry Ethan.” Victoria sighed leaning into his embrace.

“What on earth are you apologising for? You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” Ethan said kissing her cheek, running a hand through her hair. “Dr Varma explained everything to me.”

“I thought I could handle it. I had no idea what he was doing.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me. He’s locked up, far away from you, he can’t hurt you again.”

“I know and I’m glad. Although from what I’ve heard, it sounds like I’m not the only one who ran into an old foe today.” Victoria chuckled slightly, picking up Ethan’s hand that was wrapped in a bandage and kissed it.

“That calculator made its final equation.” Ethan chuckled resting his chin on top of Victoria’s head.

“I wish I was there to see it.” Victoria smiled.

“You wouldn’t have stopped talking about it for weeks.”

“Of course. And I think everyone would be gossiping as well. I heard you went to the boards and gave them a tough time.”

“I did what I was obliged to do, not just as your fiancé but as your boss. Our doctors should be safe when they are in work, everything could’ve ended up so different tonight.” Ethan sighed.

“Luckily it didn’t.” Victoria smiled.

“Indeed. I love you, you know.” Ethan looked at her, cupping her face in his hands.

“I love you too. I can’t wait to marry you.” Victoria smiled.

“And I can’t wait to marry you.” Ethan smiled kissing her passionately. The two began to lose themselves in each other’s kiss before the vibrating of a phone forced them to break apart.

“Who’s that?” Ethan kissed her cheek, nuzzling his nose there.

“It’s Erin.” Victoria said confused. “You were right, I’m sorry.” She looked at Ethan.

“Sounds like she’s willing to compromise about the headband.” Ethan chuckled tightening his arms around her.

“Sounds like she is.” Victoria stared at her phone.

“Come on, you need sleep.” Ethan took her phone and put it away and forced Victoria to lie down before he laid down next to her.

“Are you staying the night?” Victoria looked up at him.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Ethan replied.

“Good. I want a cuddle.”

“You always want a cuddle.”

“You give the best cuddles, I always want more.”

The couple drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.

— — — — —

Well that was a ride! But we love a happy ending!

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@choicesficwriterscreations

[willwedie-justalittle]

Teen wolf and sounds

Ever since I started watching tv, I noticed that I would be more likely to recognise songs and voices instead of faces. That lead to a game in my household where I would try to remember which characters had the same voices, since the shows I watched were mostly American and needed dubbing. This means that most of the time, a single French guy would be the voice of a lot of different characters. I also spent a lot of time just singing the theme songs or trying to recognise which song was being used in a scene. And when I started TW, I watched it in English. That meant that I no longer needed to listen to the voices to see if they reminded me of another character, I could just concentrate on the sounds the makers of the show decided to use.

When making a cinematographic piece, there are a lot of things to take into consideration. Not only does the cast have to be good, they also have to make sure the visual and sounds serve a purpose. A dialog can be perfectly delivered by the actors, if their surrounding aren’t made to follow along, it just becomes a pretty useless scene. And since I’ve watched a shit ton of Teen Wolf over the years, I wanted to talk in length about the sounds and noises used by the makers of the show to help move the story forward, and how much I enjoy it. I originally wanted to concentrate on the 3rd season, but I soon realised that I couldn’t limit everything to a single season. Everything that’s being said here doesn’t reflect anybody’s opinion but my own. I accept criticisms, and I also recognise that I don’t own kind of degree regarding movies and/or sounds. I’m just a 27-year old who loves cinema and music. Don’t take it too seriously. This is also a disclaimer : I’m French, so there might be some mistakes along the way, don’t hesitate to tell me and I’ll correct them.

This goes without saying, but SPOILERS.

Here’s how I organised this :

I : Introduction to sounds, for the viewers and the characters

II : Wolves and vilain, how they communicate?

III : What if we just talk?

IV : The new world within the new world

________________________________________________________________

I : Introduction to sounds, for the viewers and the characters

Where it all began

For this story to exist, there is one thing that can’t be taken away : a police scanner. We overhear that a body has been discovered in the forest during the night at the end of August/early September. Stiles, the Sheriff’s son intercept the message on his police scanner and decides to drag Scott, his best friend, deep into the woods to go and look for the body. It is made clear to the audience that listening devices are going to be important, so much so that one of the main character has one installed in his car.

After the search, and an altercation with the Sheriff’s department, Scott gets bitten. In the scene, we see him turning around because of the noises the wolf behind him is making. The scene is dark, and we hear more that we see the wolf attacking him. We hear his feral snarls, and Scott’s screams. And here starts what becomes a very TW characteristic : the presence of a wolf is mostly known because of their sounds. Whether it’s the growling, the running, or the noises that come along the reveal of their shifted form with the glistening of their eyes. It’s a very distinct sound, one that will be kept until the end of the show to signal to the audience of the changing into a wolf of one of the character, no matter their rank.

The police scanner has then been used multiple times, up until the end of the 5th season, when Stiles and Scott hear that a body had been found in the woods, again, the story going full circle when Stiles decided to leave Beacon Hills to start studying in the FBI’s training program. Of course, it wouldn’t be the last time we see Stiles, but it was pretty heart-warming to see that after they passed the torch to Liam and Mason, their story as teenagers was coming to an end.

As my mum would say : should you listen to your music so loudly?

I thought it was interesting how music was used in the series. Not the background musics, sadly I didn’t have the time to go too deep with the interpretation of why a certain song was being used in a specific scene, but rather, how music is being used in the series in regards to the character’s actions, and the sense of false security that comes along with it.

First, let’s talk about Kira. In her first scene interacting with the pack, she overhears a conversation between them; using it to approach them. Sounds here serve as an introduction to the pack for her, since she’s able to become part of it afterwards. The other interesting part is that through noises and sounds, she is able to get a few glimpses into Scott’s world without fully understanding it.

She’s actually the first character that made me realise the importance of music as a tool. In season 3, she comes close to death when William Barrow comes to the school and is ordered to kill her. She has no idea that a serial killer roams around the school and goes to the library after her classes end. When Stiles pulls the emergency alarm; a universal sounds that signifies danger when heard, to evacuate the school, she is unable to hear it due to the music in her headphones being so loud. When Coach finds her and makes her leave, Barrow is shown hiding behind the shelves next to her. If music seems to be a way for her to escape, it it used to trick her into a state of false security.

Then, it Liam’s turn. In s4, this newcomer is bitten by Scott in order to save his life. And soon enough, he begins to change into a werewolf. This is being shown to the audience through music. When being driven by Kira, the music playing in the background overwhelms him, making it as if it was being played at a loud volume, instead of the nice background noise it actually was. It’s a nice flashback to when Scott was still learning to get used to his heightens senses (more on that later). Teen wolf has a habits of making things go full circles and often uses sounds to translate this for the viewers. Even without outright saying it, we are able to reflect on what it can mean. And this sense of false security comes back too. Kira is here pretending to drive him to a party, when she is actually bringing him to the pack to help him control the shift.

Last, I’m going to talk about the bonfire, and how, once again, music was made to lure the wolves into a dangerous situation. In the bonfire scene, we are shown Liam and Malia getting drunk, something that we’ve been told was impossible due to their healing powers.

Scott ends up realising that the music playing for the crowd is being used to disable them to help the killer who came there to cross their names off the deadpool.

The makers of Teen wolf found a universal part of the life of teenagers, something that can help them go through difficult times and decided to use it against the characters, showing the audience that nothing is safe. They all have to figure out a way to navigate through this new life without the help of what was once a source of comfort, and so does the audience.

II. Wolves and vilains, how do they communicate ?

How the wolves use it

Not only are we, as spectator, made aware of their changing, but the wolves themselves gain something from being bitten. Their sense of sight, smell and hearing become heightened, to help them not only hunt, but protect themselves.

Scott is the first wolf we see who is learning how to control his senses. In the first season, Derek tries to teach Scott a way to control and survive the shift. It doesn’t go as easily as Derek hoped, and he has to resort to showing Scott what will happen if he doesn’t try harder. He helps him concentrate on the sounds of hunters approaching them one night, and makes him watch another wolf get killed. From this moment on, Scott is not only able to take this training more seriously, but also use his listening ability to protect himself.

Unfortunately, the hunters are aware of this characteristic and found a way to deprave them from it : they fabricated a device that emits a sound only wolves are able to hear and it was originally used to distract them and lead them to a trap. But as the seasons go by, Chris Argent (whose family is known for hunting werewolves) becomes an ally and helps regroup Boyd and Cora to the school using those emitters. The torture device becomes helping as the seasons progress, along with the relationship between the characters. The noises then become a tool.

Over the following seasons, Scott masters this ability, and is shown using it in a lot of different situations. It helps him when he needs to listen in to conversations in relations with a villain he’s chasing, or when it helps him get closer to Allison on her first day. Funny enough, it is also used to try to befriend Kira when she first arrives after he heard her talking to her father about her lack of friends.

Alphas and packs

Since the beginning of the show, it was showed that wolves can communicate differently. To signal their position, they can howl and while it might not mean anything to humans, other wolves/animals are able to understand it. It is also used to bring someone back from their headspace. Scott first uses it in the first season to bring the alpha to the school. Later, in season 3, when he and Lydia enter Stile’s mind, he howls on Lydia’s advice to help Stiles overcome the Nogistune’s power in his mind. Stiles being part of Scott’s pack is able to hear it and regains control of his mind despite being human. Over the course of the show, we see wolves of Scott packs using it with each other, but they’re not the only one.

In the first half on the 3rd season, we are introduced to the Alpha Deucalion. Leader of the pack Scott fights against, he uses his voice to force terror and submission to those around him. He shatters his glasses when he proclaims himself Destroyer of worlds and tries later on to force Scott to kill Jennifer, making Scott fall to his knees ; his wolf unable to resist the command of an Alpha.

Sounds in this case becomes a way to rally someone to a cause or a pack. But it is a very grounding sound, used to bring either peace of mind, or terror. The viewers are then able to choose a fighter.

III. What if we just talked ?

Phones, man’s greatest invention

Scott realises quickly that something’s happening to him when he hears Allison (on the other side of the school ground) saying to the mother on the phone that she forgot to bring a pen. It helps him get on her radar since he is able to give her one, making him the first person/student Allison talks to when she arrives in BH.

As the story goes on, I’ve always thought that Allison’s relationship with sounds was a pretty important on. As a foreshadow, she gets some mysterious voicemails of a man speaking Japanese when her phone is turned off the night Stiles goes missing in s3. It is revealed that the man is telling instruction to a group of prisoners in a Japanese camp named Oak Creek during WW2. It ends up being relevant, since Kira’s mother summoned the Nogitsune while being a prisoner in this camp. Sadly, it also happens to be the place where Allison is killed.

Still with the Argents, when Kate is brought back to life, Scott says that since he doesn’t have the money to call France where Chris is staying since his daughter’s death, he thought he could text him the bad news. Stiles tells him that it might not be such a good idea to announce something like that over a text. And with money being a big part of the 4th season, the foreshadowing is once again strong in this scene.

Then we have the case of Jennifer Blake, the English teacher/antagonist in s3a. We are first introduced to her through her voice. She sent a text to all of her students, quoting the end of a book they’re going to study, and she reads the last sentence out loud coming into the classroom. And if it can be shocking to see teachers texting their students, it is later used to set up a meeting between her, Derek, Scott and Deucalion. This time, instead of the tool bringing people closer, it is used to put a plan in motion, one that involves death and pain.

Words aren’t just words, they’re tools

I talked about a lot of sounds a wolf can make, but another important thing in a series are the words themselves, the dialogues. In this story, we are faced with a lot of teenagers, and it isn’t wrong to say that at 16/17, it is hard to voice everything that’s going on in the head of a teenager. Everyone relies on a different method, and it builds their characters. Where Scott can be a little shy, Stiles is the loud one. When Lydia is making sure nobody knows how high her grades are, her boyfriend Jackson likes to brag about his successes. We have a lot of paradoxes here, and there are a lot more comparison to do.

Spoken words are loud in this series. Stiles is the sarcastic one, using it to defend himself, and it is quite interesting that Lydia is doing the same thing with her screams. But sadly, the unspoken things are louder. They can break a family apart. Scott is once again a good example. After his drunk father came home after a night out drinking, his mother told him to get out. She then went to Noah Stilinski to talk about it. Stiles overheard everything but never said a word to Scott. But so did Scott’s mother who felt like Scott would resent her if she told him that she was the one how asked his father to leave. Secret are hard to keep and live with, and they gain so much power as time goes by. There is also something to be said about misunderstandings. In that case, Melissa admits to Scott’s father in the 3rd season that he misunderstood her words, saying that she wished that he would still be a part of their son’s life.

Then, we have Stiles trying to get the biggest secret of all off his chest and tell his dad about the supernatural at the hospital. His father has a very specific answer :« I’m listening, I've been listening ». Meaning that as much as he is used to his son antics, he doesn’t want to admit that he is telling the truth. He hears what his son is saying, but he doesn’t want to listen, despite what he’s saying. Listening and hearing are two very different things. Listening means taking into account the words that are being spoken. And when the things he hears go against everything he believed his entire life, and he can’t listen to it any longer. We then find out that he had a moment when his wife died and a young woman told him to go be with his wife, and he didn’t want to obey. As much as he tells himself that he doesn’t believe, he just doesn’t want to face the fact that he missed his wife’s last moments. And it is heartbreaking to see that he needs to be himself close to dying to admit that his son was right. Stiles’ words were true, and not just the rambling of a teenager. He finally listened, after days, even years of dismissing what he refused to believe.

But some words can help bring closure. It is always a regret people have when they can’t say goodbye to their loved ones. But Allison isn’t one of them. On the contrary, her last words are probably the most important ones of the series. Just before her final battle, she made a point of telling her dad that she loved him. She needed to voice it, making sure that no matter what happened, her words would always resonate in her father’s mind. Then, she tells Scott how he’ll always be her first love, and finishes by saying that she has to tell something to her dad. When Chris hears it, he first think of his last conversation with his daughter, but it turns out that Allison needed to tell him something else : she realised how to kill the Onis, and she wants to make sure the pack and her dad are able to use her arrow heads to defeat them. Allison was a powerful young woman, fierce and strong, and as much as she values her relationship with the people around her, she also made sure to voice what was important to her.

Spoken words are on of the most effective ways to bring a story to life, but not everyone is able to speak. The show doesn’t let it stop them, and it brings us to the next subject.

Different kinds of voices

Over the course of the series, we see the pack facing all kinds of villains. Some like to talk and be heard, like Kate, or Peter, but some others use another way to be understood and deeply feared.

Let’s start with the Mute. He is a man (?) without a mouth, a professional killer who decides to kill supernatural beings from the deadpool. He uses a wrist keyboard with a computer generated voice to communicate with his victims. And the fact that he can’t talk but still has a voice coming out of him makes for a great villain, but a scary one at the same time. Because he only uses his voice to invoke fear ; with Sean Walcott to tell him that he killed his family and will kill him too, and with Peter when he tells him that Derek will be the next to die. The sounds coming from him are haunting, and likely resonate in the head of the people lucky enough to survive him.

The Anuk-Ite, who doesn’t use his own voice, found a way to inflict fear as well, with a difference: he uses other’s people voice to make his victims suffer. In the series finale, he uses the pack’s weaknesses’s voices against them to make them open their eyes and freeze them. Most of them give in and open their eyes, but Scott finds a way to go around it. If the Anuk-Ite uses voices, he will use his eyes. And it is such a great power move, because it shows us that while powerful enough to create illusion of the pack’s loved ones or fears, Scott decided to exploit the villain’s weakness against him.

Then we have the Oni, the « Japanese ninjas » from season 3. They don’t need a voice to be feared. The sound effects used to signal their presence is the only thing we need; a weird sound that comes out every time they appear, making the viewers and the character scared for what’s about to happen. And we have to recognise the talent of the people behind those sound effects, because without them, we would need words, and threats from the villains. But given that the only introduction they need is this sound, the scenes come across perfectly. And, except the few information given by Katashi, we don’t need anything else to understand that anyone standing in their way will be killed. Similar to them, are the Rider’s in the 6th season. They are some of the biggest villains the pack has faced, erasing dozens of people from existence without uttering a single word.

Finally, we have one of the most human killers of the show ; Brunski, the Head Orderly at Eichen House. He was a serial killer who killed patients because he believed he was helping them with their pain and recorded it on a tape recorder to listen to it later. In the fourth season, we found out that he murdered Lydia’s grandmother and uses this to torture her by made her and Stiles listen to the young woman's grandmother pleading for her life. And it must have been excruciating for Lydia to know that the last thing she will ever hear of her grandmother was her last moment alive. Once again, sounds and voices are being used against Lydia to torture her further, showing us that this human serial killer doesn’t need any super power to be heard and have his voice used to kill. Worst than this, his use of sounds is so disturbing. He finds happiness in listening to his victims suffer, going even further by recording it to relieve it all over again. He uses the last defences his patients have against them, even beyond their death.

Now that we saw the importance of sounds coming from humans and wolves alike, let’s see who else needs more than words to express themselves.

IV : The new world within the new world

Lydia and other Banshees

When we first meet Lydia, she is as far from the supernatural as one can be. But as time progresses, she encounters Peter who bites her and turns her into… Well something. She starts by following blindly his orders in season 2, but the real progress happens in season 3. Being held captive by Jennifer Blake, she ends up screaming, signalling every supernatural creatures around that something is happening to her. In the previous season, her screams were made to believe she was just screaming out of fear, as humans sometimes do when faced with a gigantic black form sprinting out of a store window. Blake then realises that she’s a Banshee ; the wailing woman, shading lights on so many events in the seasons : why she ended up finding a lot of the bodies in the beginning of the season, or why she would end up at certain key locations. But once again, the makers of the show decided to use sounds to express not only how she felt, but what it meant.

After she sees Peter talking to her mother about hearing, she decides to go to him to learn more about her power. He tells her that the screams don’t give her her powers. They help her calm down enough to quiet her mind. That explains how she was able to find out what was hidden in Talia Hale’s claws ; she screamed and threw them at the wall, allowing her to understand the voices inside it. That’s also how she was able to understand that the flies she was hearing in the William Barrow episodes were actually electricity, which helped the pack realise that Kira was being held at the power plant. After spending an entire day thinking there were flies around her, she finally screamed when Stiles told her to. Lydia has a special relationship with sounds, but they are sadly too overwhelming at first, thus stopping her to understand what’s going on.

During this time, a possessed version of Stiles was taking some medical tests in an MRI machine. Lydia, being so scared for his friend, spent the entire day being hyper sensitive to sounds. She was hearing lockers and doors closing at a higher rate and heard the sound of the machine loud and clear, as if she was the one inside it. She tried to put the music louder but the sounds were all she could hear, and she finally screamed. But no sound were heard in the scene. We only saw her despair and fear. She wasn’t screaming as a Banshee, but as someone who didn’t want her friend to die. The torture wasn’t over though, because Void Stiles took her in Oak Creek and there, she was able to hear every single person who died during the riot. She appears in total distress, not being able to shut her mind from all the pain that roamed around the corridor. The saddest moment however came when Allison was killed. Not being able to stop herself, or help a passed out Stiles, she just screams for the life of her best friend, and it no doubt will be added to cries of the other victims of this place.

Next comes the study in the Lake House. During the party in season 4, she realises that once the door was closed, no noise was able to come through. And as hard as it to make a scene with the proper music and sounds, it is even harder to do when there aren’t any sounds. Here we see how important the absence of noise is. And it becomes so much more relevant when we learn that her grandmother was also a Banshee who was able to predict one death because she heard rain when it wasn’t raining outside. Sadly, it didn’t help, since her girlfriend ended up dying, not able to understand where this warning was coming from. Her grandmother then decided to look for other people like her and here came Meredith. This young woman wasn’t able to understand the voices in her head. The Lake House served as some kind of experiment for her, and here, the sounds are used to show how mad they drove her. If Lydia was able to understand more of her family’s heritage and her power, Meredith bled from her ears in this room. Once again, foreshadowed when the wine bottle breaks on the ground, spreading red everywhere.

As for Meredith, she goes through some rough times during the end of the season when we discover that she was the one who created the deadpool in response of Peter’s thoughts that she was able to hear when he was in a coma after the fire. He kept going on and on about how there should be a list of supernatural people, and that professional killers should be the first one to cross names off that list. Lydia explained that for Meredith, all the time he spent in a coma, it was like she was only hearing his thoughts, like a radio. And so the deadpool was born. And once again, the study in the Lake House was a crucial part of the story since it was there that the deadpool was able to be active, and ended up being destroyed. When the truth comes out, Lydia is the only one able to understand Meredith. And it prompted the saying « Not all monsters do monstrous things ». Lydia is finally able to understand the world around her and herself, recognising that sounds and screams can be used for the greater good.

And it is also Meredith who ends up teaching a lot to Lydia, showing her that her screams can be as powerful as a bullet. From then on, Lydia is able to save Stiles from the Hunt-version of his mother in season 6 for example, help him break free of his imprisonment of the Hunt, or break Mason from The Beast’s possession in season 5. Her screams no longer come from a place of fear, but power.

But it also shows us something important : when the pack was trying to destroy the Beast of Gevaudan, Lydia is attacked by Sebastian Valet and, when she attacked him, he clawed at her throat, making her unable to use her voice, making her powerless. Over time, her screams became a defense, something that she was able to channel to protect herself. And the inability to produce them showed us once again that while it is hard to voice our thoughts and make sense of things while talking, it is even harder to deal with them without the ability to be loud or even just heard.

Eichen House & Echo House

We are first introduced to this place in season 3 when Stiles believes he is trapped there by the Nogistune. He finally decides a few episodes later to stay there to ensure the safety of the pack. And from the moment he walks in, we are surrounded creepy music. The woman tells Stiles that he won’t have any spoken contacts with the outside world for 72 hours, making sure that the isolation is complete. It also means that he won’t be able to be reassured by his loved ones. And as soon as the Sheriff begins to doubt his decision to leave Stiles there, he hears sounds louder, like Lydia earlier ; doors closing, buzzing sounds like in a prison when a cell opens and closes, etc… His mind is unable to concentrate on anything else but the sounds telling him that his son isn’t safe there. And as soon as he leaves, we have proof of that : a man hangs himself from the stairs. Right before that happens, we hear him talking, without anybody paying attention to him, even when Stiles points it out to the nurse. And when he voices his need to talk to someone outside, his request is denied. In this place, there are so many voices and levels of insanity that the few clear sentences that come out of the patients’ mouth are taken as white noise.

Stiles' roommate Oliver then tells him that he is aware of the suicide without having to leave his bed. The other name for this institution is Echo House, because according to him, everything echos there. Which means that the pain and suffering that one patient can experience is voiced and shared with all the other patients. Voices here are a sign of insanity and unsafe environment.

Sadly, all of this was perceived by Lydia earlier in the season. When Stiles went missing, she went to his room to find an intricate bundle of rope all over his bed. When Aiden pinched a string, Lydia heard voices telling her that Stiles was trapped in Eichen house.

The story then comes full circle with Lydia being a patient at Eichen House in the 5th season where she learns all about the strength of her powers. As patients are often physically restricted or tied to their beds, it is significant that Lydia was able to finally scream out her pain. So loud in fact, that she was able to break windows and free herself.

_____________________________________________________________

In the eighth episode of season 6, Blitzkrieg, Noah Stilinski says that they are gathered together (minus Stiles) because his « goofball son » decided to drag his greatest friend in the world out in the wood to see a dead body a few years ago. And this call was the beginning of everything. If Stiles hadn’t been listening, he wouldn’t have led Scott outside, Scott wouldn’t have been bitten, and none of this would have happened. And that’s the most important thing in this show. Without sounds, there wouldn’t be any kind of story.

Rare are the shows and movies who are able to make a complete work without any sounds, or spoken words. But as astonishing as those body of work are, it makes even more important the ones that feature sounds as a tool. Because that’s what they are, in the end. Tools to move a story, tools to understand the characters. Show runners talk through their characters, bring life to words that only existed in their minds. Some put more thoughts into it than others, but I think that we can learn a lot from the person behind a show if we listen closely to the sounds they choose to include in a story. Each character is a representation of a specific idea, and each one of their words represents an important notion a show runner wants the audience to grasp. Are we all willing to listen, though?

[cherryblossomstars]

Five Firsts (R. Edogawa)

for my lovely @nerdygremlin also the formatting is wonky and there’s a lack of capitlization because i wrote it all on my phone oopsies

genre: fluff/very slight angst if you squint

word count: 1,279

summary: five firsts with ranpo. its exactly what the title says ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

warnings: kidnapping but its nothing bad or graphic i promise

I. first meeting

“so can i?” the man in front of you asked.

you’d come to the armed detective agency in hopes of a job as a clerk and almost as soon as you were accepted, the man named ranpo had asked if he could show off his deduction skills.

“how are you going to show off, exactly?”

he hums, “i can tell you your exact routine and everything you had to do to get from your house to here.”

“i’ll pass.”

he almost looks shocked, but it turns into a pout that he tries (and fails) to hide by shoving a snack into his mouth, “but why?”

“i think life is more interesting if you leave some mysteries as they are- mysteries.” you shrug.

he stares at you for another few moments before deciding you were no longer interesting and instead focuses back on his work.

II. first hug

it wasn’t supposed to be like this. not for the clerks, at least. but the damn ADA just has to have to many enemies, don’t they?

and so here you were, trapped in some ranky, underground hideout with naomi and haruno.

it wasn’t scary, though. if anything, it was more inconvenient and annoying. you’d have to make up for lost time when you got back, meaning you’d have to speed up on some of the assignments you were given. on top of that, you can’t even do some of that work tonight because you’d promised ranpo you’d go out for some drinks with him.

seriously, what a pain. then, there’d have to be reports made and filed because of this kidnapping incident. you have absolute faith the agency would rescue the three of you, but just the thought of the amount of work you’d have when you got back makes you kind of wish the kidnappers had decided to off you anyway.

and so, when the large bolted doors were inevitably busted down, the agency left standing tall and proud by the giant hole that used to be the door, you internally groaned. they never do anything subtly, do they? you know they could handle this carefully and quietly, but they wouldn’t.

instead, you’re forced to watch as kenji, tanizaki, dazai, atsushi, and kyouka speed around the room, effectively defeating every last person until only one- their leader- was left.

yosano inspected the three of you for injuries, sighing in disappointment when she found nothing but mere scratches. and when you were finally released from your binds, your vision was filled with brown and you were enveloped in warmth.

oh.

“hi ranpo,” you giggle against his shoulder, wrapping your arms around him as well.

he presses his face against your hair, “hi.”

you try not to pay attention to the knowing smirks dazai and yosano are throwing your way.

III. first... “fight”?

“ranpo.” you try to get his attention for the umpteenth time that day.

once again, you’re met with silence. you sigh, you had work to do and instead you’re forced to try and pull the giant man child out of the pouty mood that you caused.

“ranpo i said i was sorry already.” you frown, poking his cheek.

he simply whines and swats your hand away. “you’re only sorry you got caught.”

“...you’re right. i am only sorry i got caught. but i can make it up to you.” you roll your eyes, goodness he could be so dramatic.

“what happened?” atsushi asks, amusement twinkling in his eyes at the scene.

“betrayal, atsushi. the person i trust the most betrayed me.” ranpo whines at his coworker.

you roll your eyes, “i thought the president was the person you trusted most.”

“...the second person i trust the most has betrayed me!” he corrects himself.

“but what happened?” atsushi sends a pitying smile your way.

“i ate one of his snacks.”

“but they’re locked in a vault!” atsushi glances between the two of you, knowing how precious ranpo’s snacks are to him.

“haha... yeah... about that...” you steal a glance towards dazai, who was napping on his desk. but you know for certain your partner in crime and professional lock picker had taken a bag of chips and hidden it in one of his drawers as well.

it was a shame you were the one that got caught when that sly, sneaky bast-

“you were in cahoots with dazai!” ranpo exclaimed, practically vibrating at the thought that someone else had also gotten their hands on his snacks.

“well-“

“you cahooted!”

you glance at the floor, nodding in guilt. “i’ll buy you more, okay? we can go out shopping when we get off.”

for some reason, he looks like he’s won something, “okay!” and he’s suspiciously agreeable, too.

IV. first kiss

it happens under the moonlight and with the witness of the stars. along the harbor of yokohama, with the sky twinkling above you as if it knew what was about to happen.

it was as if the universe were witnessing a play, and a very well-anticipated scene were about to occur.

on a walk home from a night out with ranpo (you could call them dates, but nothing between you was official yet), you walked a few steps ahead of him, on your way to his house.

as much as he would love to be the one walking you home instead, he couldn’t work out the train station if his life depended on it.

a small, genuine smile found itself onto ranpo’s lips as he watched you ramble about your favorite show.

you were right, some mysteries were better left unsolved. the spontaneity he experienced when he was with you was something he looked forward to everyday.

for everyday more, if it was something he was allowed to have.

and when your walking had slowed down, enough for the both of you to fall into a rhythm alongside each other, he’d taken your hand and pressed his forehead against your own.

“hi ranpo,” you giggled, soft green eyes looking directly into yours. despite it being your favorite view- the rare view of his eyes open- you couldn’t help but close your eyes.

“hi.” and when you felt the press of his lips against your own, you’re sure the sky shined even brighter than before.

V. first time he realizes he’s in love

he says i love you in his own little ways.

you get access to his snack vault after he gave you the code to it.

his immediate instinct to protect you. it doesn’t go unnoticed by you when the port mafia decides once again to barge into the agency and ranpo’s hand twitches in your direction, despite knowing very well you’ll be alright.

ranpo’s annoyed glare at dazai when dazai decides that boundaries have no business being between you and him.

when he’s bored, and decides to sit in your chair and have you in his lap while you work, tapping away at your laptop and he corrects any mistake you may have made.

but the first time he really knows he’s in love is when dazai was fucking around in the office, as usual.

he’d tossed ranpo kunikida’s notebook, telling him to open the page that he’d bookmarked for ranpo.

ah. the infamous 58 conditions to be doppo kunikida’s partner.

ranpo grimaces, “kunikida... this is too much.”

“well you already have someone so leave me alone!” kunikida yells, trying to snatch the notebook back from ranpo while simultaneously trying to kick dazai away.

if he were to have any condition to be his ideal partner, ranpo thinks, he’d only have one. the only condition needed to be fulfilled would be that they’d have to be you.

fin.

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

Amity absolutely in not going to choose the Emperor’s Coven over Luz.

 I keep seeing it suggested that Amity’s ties to the Emperor’s Coven could become an issue. That she may decide supporting Luz isn’t as important as her ambitions related to the Coven. That she might chose to side with the Emperor’s Coven, causing a rift between her and Luz. However I don’t believe that for a second, and that’s for two reasons.

1.) Luz is, as of right now, the most important thing to Amity. It's always felt to me like Amity already chose Luz over everything else. Amity has sacrificed her own physical wellbeing, even putting her own life in danger, to help Luz in the past. There's no way Amity's parents approve of Luz so she's put her relationship with her parents, something she's worked desperately for, at risk just by liking Luz, but she continues to be around her. Amity was willing to throw out her social group for hurting Luz. Why wouldn't she follow the pattern and pick Luz over the Emperor's coven too? And I mean..she must know she'll have to. Amity knows that Luz is Eda's apprentice. She knows that Eda is wanted by the Emperor's Coven. She's gotta know that she'll have to pick between the two things eventually, right? And if her plan wasn't to eventually pick Luz when she had to make the choice, why would she have put Luz before her own physical wellbeing, before her social status, and before her abusive parents' wishes? Not to mention , Amity's greatest fear was being rejected by Luz. It wasn't her abusive family. It wasn't being denied by the Emperor's Coven. It was the idea that she could lose Luz. Which makes it pretty cut and dry what the most important thing to Amity is in the end. Amity has already been willing to put so much on the line for Luz. I feel like she isn't going to stop now. Especially since, tbh, it seems like Amity has never been happier than she is currently. Realistically if you were a normal person with a good strong support system and a healthy conviction to follow your dreams then you wouldn't be willing to risk your life and dream job for another person. However Amity isn't a very healthy person. Her family is abusive, her friends are cruel, etc. Amity made their goals for her into her own goals because she didn't feel like there was anything else out there for her, not becsuse she personally wants it. She wasn't happy. Until Luz was kind and optimistic and showed her the potential that there are good people out there. I mean, why do you think she latched onto Luz so quickly and has put her physical wellbeing, social status, and relationship with her family in jeopardy just through having feelings for Luz and standing by her so far? She's willing to do that because Luz is one of if not the only person in her life that isn't abusing her to some extent. She isn't going to act like a normal person with a good support system and healthy ambitions they care about because Amity isn't any of those things and right now Luz means so so so much to her by proxy of being the only person in her life who's good. I don't think she'd give that up for anything, speaking both from personal experience and from the behavior ive seen her exhibit as of late and how much she's already risked.

and

2.)  Siding with the Emperor’s Coven would go against Amity’s strong sense of morality. Amity has been an incredible human being for her entire life. Every flashback we've seen of Amity has shown her as nothing but a good person. She was wrong to treat Willow the way she did, sure, but Amity did it all in an attempt to protect Willow and in the end how could anyone hate her for that? When she was told to befriend Boscha, Amity immediately refused, acknowledging that the other girl was mean, and for as long as the two were friends she never seemed to warm up to the cruel girl. When Amity accidentally got her Grudby teammates hurt she felt so horribly guilty that she quit playing forever. She's made mistakes cause she's a human being and people mess up sometimes, but I honestly think Amity has always been an admirable person. Why on earth would Amity ever support the Emperor’s Coven when she finds out what horrible things they’ve done? And some people suggest that while she’s not a bad person, her ambitions may make her do bad things. But Amity’s integrity has always come before her ambition. That much is made exceptionally clear back in Covention. Amity wasn’t willing to cheat in their magic duel. She refused to lie or cheat and that means that if Luz had really been better than her and won fairly, Amity would have taken the loss. She easily could have cheated. Everyone else did, it wouldn’t have been hard for Amity to do the same. But she didn’t, and she was extraordinarily upset that the other people involved did. Amity was horrified that Lilith cheated in her favor. Even if it helped her look good in front of the Emperor’s Coven, cheating was never even an option that crossed Amity’s mind and she was completed mortified that Lilith tricked her into it anyway. Her ambition was never as strong as her integrity back then, so why would it suddenly overwhelm her morals now? I mean, if cheating in a competition was a disgusting thought that she never considered for a second. Something that Amity screamed at Luz for doing and was completely ashamed when Lilith did it. Then how can anyone expect that Amity would support the Emperor’s Coven after all they’ve done? Even with all the pressure Amity’s under from society in general and her abusive parents, she hasn’t sacrificed her morals yet, and to suggest she might now is to completely disregard the strength of character she’s been shown to possess so far.

“But Wait!” I hear you say, “A clear parallel was drawn between the relationship of  Luz and Amity vs  the relationship of Eda and Lilith! That means Luz and Amity was likely to go down the same route and become enemies!”

And you are correct that there was a clear parallel drawn between these four in Covention. However i’d venture to suggest that this parallel will be used as a contrast rather than to show history repeating itself.

I’ll start by saying that I personally believe the “history repeats itself” trope is very hard to get right and is only really effective in certain situations, this not being one of them. Tell me, what, narritively, would be the positive effect of pushing Amity and Luz down the same route Lilith and Eda went down? I can’t see any good reason for it except the ~shock value~, and honestly anything you do with a character exclusively to shock or upset the audience rather than to develop the characters in their natural progression is a bad choice by default. There’s no reason Luz and Amity need to be like Eda and Lilith. And in fact, not only is the idea of their relationship being a foil the the Clawthorne sister’s relationship more interesting to me because it has an actual purpose (to show that the sister’s both screwed up their relationship and that if you communicate and try to be good people then you won’t end up in a fight to the death against someone you’re supposed to love and that both sister’s could have made steps to be better siblings but they didn’t and that’s on them), but it also seems to fit a lot more cohesively into the narrative knowing what we do about both the relationship between Lilith and Eda and the relationship between Amity and Luz.

I get the feeling Lilith was always jealous of Eda. That Eda was stronger. That Eda outshone her. It may not even have been fair a lot of the time, after all, Eda is known to cheat her way through things. And it also seems as if Eda, instead of supporting and reassuring her insecure sister, was proud of this and held it against Lilith that she was better. Well, when Luz and Amity first met, Luz outshone Amity too. Amity was angry and bitter and disliked Luz because it fucking hurt to have her achievements taken away from her unfairly. They easily could have gone down the same route Lilith and Eda did. With Luz sticking to her guns and insisting she was better, that she deserved the recognition more anyway and Amity acting like a jealous, vindictive child. But that didn’t happen. Luz tried her best to make it up to Amity and Amity, once Luz expressed her remorse and took steps to make amends, not only accepted it but reflected on her own behavior and admitted she herself could have been better too. How did Amity and Luz manage to overcome a conflict that’s still tearing two grown women apart?  By overall being better than Eda and Lilith were. Luz felt terrible for hurting Amity. Eda was proud of outshining Lilith. Amity didn't let herself be overcome with bitterness or jealousy and instead reflected inwardly on how she could have been better too. Lilith just kept getting worse and worse and straying from the path of morality more and more. We can see it clearly in Covention. Lilith cheated. Amity on the other hand would never stray from her integrity even if she wanted to win and was mortified to find out what happened. Eda bragged and taunted and teased Lilith for cheating. Luz ran after Amity to comfort her. Overall Amity and Luz are better than Lilith and Eda and that's why I don't see them making the same mistakes.  Another difference I see, Lilith let her desperation for power make her a bad person. Amity realized she was being colder than she'd like to and instantly ditched her cruel friends and tried to he better. Eda let's her wild nature make her inconsiderate (she's not just a criminal for not joining a coven, she does actual morally wrong crimes too) but Luz tries her best to be kind and to make people happy and he selfless in general. As I said before, they're both better than their mentors. Both Eda and Lilith made mistakes that lead them to where they are (although Lilith is objectively the worse of the two, she isn't necessarily the only one to blame for their relationship failing). Because Luz and Amity are a contrast to Eda and Lilith, not a repition of their story. Luz and Amity show what can happen when you communicate and try to understand and empathize with people and don't stray from your own morals no matter what other people may do to you.That's something it doesn't seem like the sister's ever learned how to do, and that's what tore them apart. But it's something Luz and Amity exhibit consistently. Communication, mercy, understanding. and that's why they aren't doomed to be like their mentors. Because as I said before, they contrast Lilith and Eda's dynamic in every way simply by being better friends to each other and people in general.   

[rigelmejo]

6/28 I DID A LOT

WOOH

WOOH

I talked in chinese today! For around a half hour!! AHHHHHHHH

ANYWAY

AHHHHHHH

IM SO HAPPY I WAS UNDERSTANDABLE AHHGGHGSIUSJAJEJDJEEJIE

So first of all I practiced with Google translate today beforehand (lol yes machine translate isn’t perfect). I clicked the app, clicked transcribe, spoke in chinese then saw if the English translation it was producing was close enough to what I was trying to mean to say. (Also I learned chinese transcribe will need to process for a few moments if you play Chinese audio like from a podcast because at first it will give you a sucky transcription lol and then correct itself). Anyway so I did that and quickly learned: Google translate WILL fucking think I am speaking sentences when I’ve only said a couple words of my sentence because I pause “too long” so when I tried thinking of tones or grammar I spoke too fucking slow for the app so BAM I had to speak faster for the app just to comprehend me. So I did not practice Thinking about how the fuck to say things right much, just how to recall words on a fucking speed time limit lol. So uh that was an experience. I’ll definitely say that my 学习普通话 app is way better for me actually practicing pronunciation with any success, because Google just will NOT tolerate me speaking slowly goddamn.

Anyway so then tonight I spoke with my language partner. Well

WELL

good news: I was understood, I was told I sound pretty standard and they can tell I maybe imitate some peoples phrases and words from shows I watch (which in this case is a compliment since they said weeks ago when I asked how they improved their standard mandarin accent for a speech competition that’s what They did and the kind of shadowing they suggested I try doing more for accent work).

My grammar and word choice was understandable (I KNOW I wasn’t perfect and there were fucking mistakes Especially just notable spots where I forgot common words and tried to talk Circles around those words to describe them since I know Enough words to kind of “explain around” and come up with a more word description of a simple word I forgot sometimes but fuck is it probably awkward to listen to. Like I forgot “back then/at that time” so I said “the time when I was in high school” or “in high school I..” just because I couldn’t say “that time” on the spot, also fucking I forgot how to say “also” and “or” in certain ways and just had to figure out a different way to make my point like “this is like that” or “not the same” ToT).

Anyway regardless it’s a real big accomplishment to me. Reasons being: 1. I’ve never talked in chinese that long straight or to someone else communicating, or telling stories about my life and asking questions and actually testing my fucking communication abilities past small talk. Even talking alone to myself it’s just phrases or small situations where if I forget a word I just stop, so this was huge for me. 2. I did not have time to think about tones period while talking today with my language partner so like being comprehensible is!!!! GREAT. Considering I tried speaking to a language partner simple common word tone pair examples or very simple small talk at 5 months into learning and remember being incomprehensible like 50% of the time. Versus me now a little under 2 years in so being able to simply not be constantly thinking about tones and still know I might be understood (and in this specific case was understood) is nice to know. 3. I did better at winging vocabulary and talking my way around words I didn’t know than i thought I could. 4. REALLY simply tone and grammar being comprehensible is blowing my mind on its own - I know there were many mistakes (I personally could hear my 3rd tone not always sounding right to my own ear, and know I heard a few grammar mistakes I heard after I’d made my point lol). But just being comprehensible enough for someone understand my points even if I made those mistakes was really cool. 5. I’m hoping this means all the things I’ve been doing lately: the Listening Reading, the watching shows with English subs this month while repeating some of the Chinese lines to myself, listening to audiobooks and repeating many of the lines to myself, and the weekly language exchange I’ve been doing, have all been helping to some degree. Improving production skills is not something I’ve tried studying before and so basically all that I’m doing is flailing around trying stuff and hoping something is useful. It’s nice to see something must be if I’ve managed this.

Anyway it was just very very cool to be understandable. ;-; At this time last year I was absolutely assuming it would take years to get even a little understandable. Also for now idk this proved to me to maybe just stick to shadowing for a while and Not specifically thinking of tones While actively speaking. For a while I thought of them actively which made me clearer and I think was important and helped, at this point currently I think sometimes i overthink and trying to speak from memory/more shadowing practice might help it become a bit more automatic? And then I can go back to some corrective work where I’m messing up specifically or haven’t internalized certain words/phrases tones maybe.

—

IN OTHER NEWS

today I ALSO played 4 hours of Kingdom Hearts II in Japanese WHICH WAS AN EXPERIENCE

AN EXPERIENCE IVE NEVER HAD BEFORE LIKE FUCKING THIS

So 1. EONS easier than last time I studied Japanese. For context at 2-2.5 years into studying Japanese I played the opening of KH2. I remember it was brutal, I used my phone constantly to look up words, but I got through like the opening portion to the first save point after the haunted mansion (so like is that day 2? Basically what’s usually .5-1 hour of play or less that took me a few hours back then). It was doable, kinda brutal, but also I have kh2 near to my heart so I could play it without reading when I felt drained. Now?? I had over a year break from Japanese study (maybe 2-3 years break idk). I reviewed Japanese in I think March-April 2021 this year. April/May to June (now) I’ve been studying some new material. The biggest new material being some more Nukemarine memrise decks, and Clozemaster as of this month. So like... this Eons of improvement is after a long ass gap of no study, a cram review, and some just beyond last-times-progress kind of new study. It is a HUGE difference to me in how it feels.

I did not use a dictionary at all this time. I did not play slow either, I read at a speed much more bearable, I comprehended most sentences totally (understanding words because of a mix of knowing most words, knowing the context for the words since I know KH2 WELL, knowing Hanzi from chinese, and thanks to Clozemaster of all things feeling a lot better/quicker with Japanese grammar comprehension), and a few sentences I knew the overall gist because of recognizing the Hanzi (tho they were being used in words that aren’t similar to Chinese), the grammar overall (the rough intention of the sentence), and knowing KH2 well enough to remember the main idea of th English sentence. So it was overall a much more pleasant, easygoing experience this time around playing! It was something where I COULD play 50 hours of Japanese KH2 now.

This kind of showed me some things: first that knowing a basis in chinese (for me) makes a huge difference. Kanji now make words easier for me to learn and guess. I can now recognize when some pronunciations are somewhat similar to Chinese words. I can recognize when some kanji are used to mean Different things from Chinese (since I know the English context too). I can also now actually Like and Appreciate that KH2 specifically uses kanji in some speech bubbles and scenes then hiragana for the same words at other times - it gives me a chance to use context to see both versions of the word and learn both the pronunciation and kanji a bit more. Now I have katakana English like words and kanji (in the sense of their similarities to Hanzi) and my basic grammar grasp to rely on to parse sentences which makes all of it much easier. For me chinese was just easier, and that’s now paying off also in making Japanese easier in some ways than it was before.

I also appreciate now why “prior context” and “comprehensible input” are encouraged so much. My effort level is comfortable and NOT draining, so I could’ve kept my playing for hours and I did not need a dictionary for new words because I had TONS of context. Part of this is KH2 being a game I know super well (so even back at year 2 it was doable if draining when no other video game probably would’ve been doable at all). So it makes sense now it would be the first comfortable feeling one. It is VERY comprehensible input for me, especially now with some of the Japanese improvements I’ve made.

Whereas I tried to play crisis core a month ago (doable but DRAINING in part because I knew the game so comprehensible but I didn’t HAVE the game remembered by heart like KH2 so I had to slow down to read everything slowly and figure out words much slower with no prior meaning in my head for many parts), and persona 3 (which was doable but DRAINING in part because I have little prior context compared to cc or KH2 and in part because it has so much reading). Also KH2 is easier to read than cc or persona 3 - kh2 is obviously meant for age 10+ and so the amount of text I’m required to read is shorter, a lot of conversational stuff and not layered (cc had a lot of technical paragraphs of directions for missions and persona is aimed at older teens and has much more like “think about it more long term” conversations which I struggle more to parse). Also just persona 3 has so much dialogue I started speed reading just to get to a save point which felt Draining. Whereas KH2 the reading is comfortable so I don’t read too slow, and so it doesn’t feel as draining since it’s not slow nor do I have to rush at lower comprehension to get through it - I can just read and comprehend everything as much as I can at a reasonably non draining pace.

Also I DO think Clozemaster (so kudos to u app) is actually helping noticeably. I’m doing Clozemaster Japanese by common word tracks (still in the 100 most common words sentences and almost done). I’ve been doing listening mode and then reading sentences after. I can TELL it’s helped me already with the following. I’m doing better at recognizing some grammar structure particles/words/conjugations in various forms and levels of politeness. I now have much less issue telling how to separate sentences into word/grammar functions - it makes everything just much easier to start being able to segment my sentences as I read so I can just pinpoint WHAT parts I know versus don’t know and what their rough function is (and since in KH2 I know the English lines usually it makes it way easier to guess what words mean roughly what English translation). I also read some manga during this past month that’s also helped with this skill. I noticed Clozemaster also is just helping with it a lot since in Clozemaster the politeness level varies and stuff so I’m forced to practice guessing and figuring it out more with Clozemaster sentences over and over. The listening mode has helped because I can tell that some of the most common words I can hear more instinctively now and read aloud at a more normal pace now. I still CLEARLY read over listening when the subtitles in KH2 are there if I don’t know a word, so my listening has HUNDREDS or likely thousands of hours to go (my Chinese is much much better). But I can already notice the sheer fact Clozemaster listening question mode is forcing me to 1 HEAR Japanese more (and I need like what 2000 hours listening) and 2 start recognizing more easily at least recognizing words I’ve learned when I hear them (whereas before I would struggle to hear certain words even if I’d studied just because I’d read-studied a lot but not actually heard much of those words much). Now this all isn’t a huge help with new words in KH2 since I’m learning to read them from the game but my listening isn’t picking them up or Parsing them well. But as far as IN Clozemaster: yes the constant audio word drilling is helping me recognize words by sound which is great since thanks to Chinese kanji recognition is now not intensely difficult, it’s the sound recognition and match up to spelling that’s now the major confusion for me. I mean grammar is also confusing.. and will take years... I do think Clozemaster forcing me to practice interpreting the grammar somewhat with nothing to help me is helping me at least feel less drained by the grammar. I used Clozemaster before for french and chinese at the stage between graded readers and actual native speaker material, and I think for Japanese it’s also Good for this purpose. Clozemaster is good for a lot of immersion-like sentence reading practice, with tools to make it easier like a translation and mostly words you know in each sentence. Making it a bit easier than just diving into the deep end into a random novel. I do think it helps with preparing you for less learner-tailored materials a bit while still being easier than native speaker materials so you can practice without feeling youre drowning.

anyway ahh. WOOH I PLAYED KH2 in japanese today!!! I HAD FUN

gonna do it some more.

kh2 is maybe THE original reason i started trying to learn japanese. its really fun playing it now.

—-

And finally, while I’m at it: I am ALMOST done with the Sundial arc in Guardian Listening Reading wise. I’m on chapter 17. I have like 2 days left so who knows maybe I can manage to finish the sundial arc we’ll see.

What I mostly did this month was Redo L-R chapter 1-12 with a second audiobook, read the novel print version up to chapter 12, read chapter 1-2 in the traditional print version, also read maybe 4 chapters of other random things, listened to audiobook files of stuff overall idk 20+ times while repeating after a lot of lines, did a small amount of Clozemaster chinese (mostly just Radio mode), did 30 min - 1 hour writing or speaking language exchange sessions once a week, and watch a bunch of Chinese shows with English subs this month while repeating after a lot of lines.

As you can tell my reading Amount lowered significantly since the past couple months. However, I think I’ve pushed up my listening amounts a little.

[summoner-kentauris]

What does your interpretation of Zacharias think about Líf and Thrasir? (You can either just answer or write a lil story if you feel like it)

OOOO now i have thought in my free time a fair amount about what líf thinks of zasha but, and i cannot believe this, i have not thought about what zacharias thinks about líf and thrasir. full disclosure, book III happened to be going on when i formally stopped playing feh. i kept up with the story after that but, theres my obligatory knowledge base disclaimer.

also minor cws through this whole thing because i talk here and there about zacharias and his... mm, canonical relationship to death/selfharm

-

so, i spent a lot of time thinking about this one, and i keep coming back to my gut reaction, which is that i don't think zacharias would like them very much. i dont know why i think that, though.

PART ONE

i think a lot of it would depend on how they approach him, which is maybe why i've spent more time thinking about the reverse of this ask, come to think of it. see, i think zacharias could go any which way in terms of what he thinks of them. i think he could hate them, as two people who killed versions of everyone he ever loved, including metaphorically killing off the two people closest to him.

i think he could love him, having seen the hell (ha ha literally) that they went through. understanding what that feels like. given the way he talks about his suicide attempts, and honestly that he spent most of book I trying to get people to kill him, really his whole relationship to death. i mean the man talks a lot about death and killing. he might not be the feh OC who best understands how manipulative and... whats a good word. alluring? what im trying to say is that besides eir, he might be the one most likely to understand why Hel and hel's offer appealed to líf and thrasir. i feel like this bit has a place here: "With his dying breath...he begged for his life. He called out your names! "I'll do anything you ask! Just let me live!" excepting of course that i still am not sure if i think he said/thought that or not. ive never been sure who really is in control of speaking right then and there. Anyway. Probably he could come to understand Líf and Thrasir's stance, enough that he could care about them the same ways he cares about his versions of Alfonse ann Veronica

on the other hand, i can see him being fully horrified by the choices those two made in response. this bit: Not anyone... This dark god...seeks death. And it cries for the destruction of Askr. Like. Líf and Thrasir are intentionally enacting the same thing as the dark god's desires, in order to correct a mistake they made that, uh, also enacted the same thing as dark god's desires. talk about awkward. and i think Zasha, who has lived with this nightmare in his head for so long, might recoil from people who are so directly aligned with it. who wants to be around someone who has become, who has chosen to become, everything you ever feared you'd be? especially when you're nearly drowning from the effort of fighting to stop yourself.

i could also see him meeting them and it being incredibly, incredibly bad for him. i feel like, he puts a whole lot of... mm. what am i trying to say.here:

Yet it is you that says this, dear friend, and so I must consider it. I see the faith reflected in your eyes. Perhaps it is possible...

SPEAKING OF BUNNY ZACHARIAS I ALSO THINK YOU COULD TAKE THE FOLLOWING:

You never change. All you see is a lofty goal, even if you lack the means to achieve it... The idea that gods would fall by the hand of man is a fantasy... and a preposterous one. This is a goal that even our ancestors Líf and Thrasir could not achieve.

setting aside the obligatory wtf zash i know you know your lore (fuck, maybe there is no killing the gods, maybe all Fire Emblem victories are temporary at best and Zenith is the only one who knows it. but i think, probably not), i think you could spin a very believable scenario where zacharias takes one look at these two ambitious, arrogant posers and absolutely refuses to speak to them any further.

so, part one, i think that zacharias could think any number of things about líf and thrasir. which i suppose means that i think he's fairly neutral on the subject of líf and thrasir. makes sense to me, i suppose. i feel like zacharias | bruno has practice (regardless of whether he's any good at it or not, or whether its any good for him) at holding and maintaining separate personas, so I don't think the fact that líf and thrasir were alfonse and veronica would necessarily be all that important to him.

which brings me to part ii

what happened to dead zenith zacharias

if zacharias is neutral on the subject, I think a lot of their relationship is going to pushed in one direction or another by líf and thrasir themselves.

and, complicating matters (when do I make things simple?), i think their approach to zacharias would of course depend on what happened to their zacharias. correct me if im wrong, but i dont think we have even a hint what happened to him.

there are three ish options I'm seeing. one: as dead world zenith is further along in its timeline and as zacharias claims he's almost out of time with his curse, other zacharias died due to that before the war with hel. i feel like scenario one is the most likely to lead to a good relationship between main zacharias and líf and thrasir.

two: mr. professional "knows plot relevant things out of knowhere" was the one who found out about angrboða's heart in the first place. especially given "As destruction took hold, we joined with Embla to seek the forbidden heart...", which to me sounds a lot like, "hel was kicking our ass then zacharias showed up and said we should go get this mystical plot object from embla". thrasir even says she and líf weren't allies before the world went to shit. anyway. hear me out here:

Yes. The heart is sealed within an Emblian blood temple. If that seal is broken, someone will die each time the heart beats... Those who perform the rite are the first to die.

Now. Líf claims he was the one who broke it open, but he also was present for the war that followed and only after was he killed and inducted into hel's army. so. both of those things can't be true. i propose that the magic mcguffin located in a sealed emblian blood temple was unlocked by our dear zacharias and thats what killed him in other zenith. i think its possible that other veronica was the one who did it, but you know. its all imagination at this point. also, and i forgot this, but thrasir does go off about how she can't lose until she saves her brother, so. something especially tragic happened at least. and oh boy is scenario two a nice fresh tasty tragedy. so that's scenario two. other zacharias directly died as a result of attempts to fight hel

number three thing that could have happened to zach is boring. he's always off doing things, he could have just died off screen. i mean. everyone did, eventually.

frankly he could still be alive for all i know. the heart appears to take the lives of people in the world, not of the world, or else the summoner would have been fine. so, if zacharias was on one of his off world jaunts, he could conceivably be a-okay. well. as okay as someone who's whole world died. i don't think that's what happened, because thrasir is pretty clear about feeling that she failed him, but yknow.

líf and thrasir's reactions to the above

thrasir is i think the most straightforward. i can't really see her approaching main zacharias with anything but positive intent. even if she's only a little bit open, i think thrasir and zacharias will probably have a decently tolerable relationship. if zacharias can come back to a country that exiled him as a kid and let his mother die in a dungeon and then go on to not just befriend but protect and care for a half sister he didnt know before then, then i think he'll find a way to care about thrasir. you know, intsys could have had fun making another perpetual older brother character. as i understand it, xander gets brother'd a lot, he and zach could have talked. could have been fun. a whole, zacharias, a historically traumatized child: *arrives in a world* every currently traumatized kid in a five mile radius: oh shit this one's ours now. you know what im saying? found family except zacharias would very much like it to stop finding him. he's got important brooding to do. but anway, they didn't go that route and its a tragedy.

líf is... more complicated. i think scenario one creates the most positive outlook. i can see him still having guilt over zacharias' loss, but i think any of it would be overshadowed by everything else that happened. in this scenario, líf finally gets back a piece of the world he'd lost. yeah, it's not his zacharias, but still. it is a zacharias, who is living and breathing and frowning and asking why you are staring at me, knight. i think the two of them could get along rather well, although i see them having significant issues with pessimism. inch-restingly enough... the dark curse bades its hosts to kill askrans. and líf is, well. dead. so... perhaps... perhaps líf wouldn't trigger the curse like alfonse does. in that case, not only does líf get someone back he thought he'd never see again, but so does zacharias.

scenario two is just a nightmare. frankly, i initially thought this scenario would lead to líf just ignoring zacharias (out of guilt, pain, etc), but i was rereading the scripts looking for the spelling of angrboða and this came up:

Tell Hel. She'll erase those memories. She'll erase them all...

so, honestly? i think that in scenario two líf just straight up gets hel to remove his memories of zacharias (as an aside maybe this is also why he never ever ever talks about other anna >:{ )

in that case, líf wouldn't really have any reason to talk to this man, who causes this empty deeply sad feeling to well up in him for now discernible reason. and zacharias has no reason (or time) to talk to this standoffish general of the dead. so. that's a real ships in the night moment.

number three i think líf would still hold the same guilt as in number two, but i don't think it would be as horrifically tragic, so i think it's more likely he'd be willing to approach zacharias. he does appear to have even worse of a thing than alfonse about not opening oneself up to people, but i think that even if he's líf, he once was an alfonse, and being that this is me answering this, i don't think any alfonse can really keep away from a zacharias for very long. its a version of the person who once knew him as well as any other person in the world. like líf can't really seem to stop himself from associating with main sharena, i don't think he could stop himself from reaching out in his own way to main zacharias. and god does that man need some more friends. i think zacharias would probably be a little frightened of líf, and of what an alfonse could become. but i think probably... i feel like a lot of book i issues stem from the fact that, justified or not, zacharias thinks alfonse would risk anything, any harm to save him. i don't know that confronting an alfonse who literally risked everything and did all harm to save his world would be a comfort, but i do think zacharias would get a lot out of having someone who's already done the worst they can do. been there, done that, got the tshirt. i think zacharias would be a little afraid of what an alfonse could become, but i think he would no longer have to be afraid of... no, anxious about it. i think there's a kind of calm in having something confirmed that zacharias could appreciate. healthy? unhealthy? fuck if i know. i also think that in líf, zacharias has a friend who he can't physically hurt anymore. lífs already dead. been there done there got the.... glowing gel torso. i think, curse nonewithstanding, zacharias will always have some degree of tension and fear about hurting people he's in a relationship with, be that because of his issues with abandonment, of abandoning, of harm, etc. but you know. líf's kind of a rock. and he's already hit his rock bottom, now that i'm thinking about rocks. i think that kind of steady, placid deathness could really help zacharias. and i think he would find it soothing, whether or not he knew why.

plus he will be able to know that if the curse gets him, if he dies... he'll still have a friend in the realm of the dead. he doesnt have to be so afraid of leaving and getting left

so there we go! lots of musings. i have been thinkin about why my headcanons are less that and more elaborate branching theories, and i think it is because i would change my opinion depending on which story i wanted to tell or hear or see.so yeah. dunno which one of these answers belongs to the question, what does your interpretation of Zacharias think about Líf and Thrasir?, but hopefully at least one of them is interesting to read about!

OH also. i think he would be petty-ly annoyed about them cribing líf and thrasir's name. like full on scholar petty. probably showed up to the order in a nerdy huff excited to meet the actual factual líf and thrasir and turns out its just those two, sitting around glowing and reciting death metal lyrics like they're spoken word ballads. dont think he'd get over that ever.

[simplyxdolxstyles]

Shattered part 2

Here we are. Part 2 to ‘Shattered’. The ending is sucky cuz I didn’t know how to end. It’s kinda sad.

“Warning: angst/fluff

Here you were currently driving like a maniac after what Grayson had told you. You left a note to your friend explaining everything. You just hoped to God Ethan would be okay. After some time you finally arrived at the hospital. Your stomach was tight with knots of every worst possible scenario entering your mind. Walking into the hospital you were greeted by Grayson who pulled you into a hug. You couldn’t hold back and you let your tears. He was trying his best to comfort you, but you could tell it was hard for him to.

 “H-How is he?” You ask, lips trembling.

 “I don’t know, I think they’re still checking him out.” He replied. (Please correct me if I make a mistake. (This is my first time writing a hospital scene so correct me if something is wrong, thanks.)

“God, this is my fault.” You put your head in your hands as another set of tears wrack through your body. Grayson was quick to your, embracing you.

 “Hey, hey, sshhhh.” He caresses his hand through your hair. The feeling comforting.

 “None of this is your fault, okay? Don’t blame yourself.” He pecked your forehead softly. It put you at ease a bit but that feeling just wouldn’t leave your mind. If something happened to Ethan you wouldn’t know what to do. Grayson and the rest wouldn’t want anything to do with you, so you just nodded at Grayson and believed it. Finally, a doctor came out after what seemed to be forever and approached you two.

 “Are you here for Ethan Dolan?” He asked. You both nod.

 “I’m his brother.” He replied, then the doctor turned to you.

 “I’m his…” You started but couldn’t find the word.

 “Girlfriend. She’s his girlfriend.” He answers for you after some moments. You meekly nod.

 “How is he?” Grayson asks, looking anxious.

 “Well, it’s not life threatening but…he’s pretty banged up.” The doctor explained. You swallowed thickly and Grayson caught your hand in his trying to ease you.

 “C-Can we see him?” You ask biting your lip.

 “Look, if you’re not family, then-“

 “Please, I-I need to see him.” Your voice quivered. The doctor looked at you and sighed but nodded to the both of you.

 “He’s on the 2nd floor, first door to the right.” He called out after you as you both made your way to Ethan’s room.  Heart racing with each passing minute. Finally, you had arrived and were now standing in front of his room.  Suddenly, you got nervous. Turning to Grayson with distressed eyes.

 “Grayson, I can’t…” You spoke quietly.

 “Yes you can, I’ll be in there with you. Okay? You can do this.” He spoke and gave you supportive smile before pulling you into a comforting hug. You were still a hesitant but nodded and took a deep breath. What you saw next, broke your heart. A nasal cannula inserted in his nose, an IV, a neck brace, and deep gashes and bruises scattered around his face. The doctor wasn’t lying when he said the he was pretty banged up.

 “Oh, Ethan.” You mutter. Slowly, you made your way up to him with Grayson trailing behind you. You approach the bed as silent tears leaked down your cheeks. With that, the flood gates have started. Then moving on to the two of you crying into each other, held on, and seeking comfort. After a few minutes of trying to calm down you turned and faced Ethan once again. You almost didn’t want to touch him in fear he would break from the slightest touch.

  “Ethan.” You say again, gently caressing the bruised skin of his cheek. Grayson standing on the otherside of the bed. Taking Ethan’s hand in yours as you scanned all of him, a pang in your heart in his current state. You lean over and place a delicate kiss on his forehead.

 “I hope he wakes up.” You say looking at Grayson.

 “I hope so too.” He replied, sniffing a bit. Seeing Grayson this way made you feel bad. You just couldn’t shake the feeling away no matter how many times he said it wasn’t your fault.

 “I’m sorry Ethan.” You say. Grayson looking at you now. You continued.

 “I’m sorry for causing such distress. Running off like that definitely wasn’t the answer. Yes, what you did really hurt me and it will take time from all this, but I also hurt Grayson by simply running away from my problems, and here you are in a hospital for crying out loud. I blamed myself for your reason of being here, making you worry. I sincerely apologize.” You sniff.

 “But I love, and I want nothing more than for you to be okay. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you. Even if now not as boyfriend or girlfriend but as friends, hopefully we could maintain some sort of relationship. I will always love you Ethan Dolan, never forget that.” Voice wavering as you brought his knuckles to your lips for a sweet kiss. His hand twitched in your grasp. Both your eyes widened at this.  Ethan grunted a bit before his eyes slowly fluttered open.

 “Ethan?!” You gasp. His hazel eyes slowly meeting yours. An unreadable expression on his face and you became nervous. ‘What if he didn’t want to see you? What if he didn’t want you here? What if he was mad at you?’

“(Y-Y/N?” He ever so lightly croaked.

 “Y-Yeah, it’s me. Gray’s here too.” You gestured towards Grayson. He looked at Grayson (I almost spelled Gayson lol) before looking back at you.

 “How are you feeling?” You ask, almost regretting it for how dumb that sounded, but you wanted to know.

 “Probably look better then how I feel.” He tries to joke.

 “Oh okay. Listen, about what happened earlier. I-”

 “No, listen to me. I was the one that fucked up. I had no idea what I was doing when I did that. She was this girl I was hooking up with before I met you. I tried to tell her so many times that I had a girlfriend but she didn’t have none of that. I was going to tell her personally that I was with someone, but one thing lead to another and…yeah.” He got quiet at the end. You nodded.

 “Well, thanks for telling me.”

 “I hate myself for it. I’m surprised you’re even here right now.”

 “Yes, Ethan I was mad, furious even, but if something happened to you then I don’t know what I’d do. Causing Grayson, your family pain…I-I just..” Your lips quivered.

 “I’d be the one to blame because I had caused it.”

“Sshhh, hey, no you’re not. If I hadn’t done it in the first place none of this would have happened.” He winced in pain.

 “Oh, Ethan.” You cry. He awkwardly tried to console you, trying to hug you where it wasn’t hurting but it was hard, so he opted for rubbing your shoulder.

 “Please don’t cry. You’re too beautiful to cry.” He tried to lighten the mood again. You snort out a laugh as he wiped your cheeks.

 “I’m not asking for you to forgive me right away, but just know I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.” He spoke softly.

 “I love you, Ethan. I’m ready.” You say. His eyes widened at your words but then softened.

 “I love you too.”

 “Oh stop it you guys are gonna make me cry.” Grayson pipes up making the both of you chuckle.  

 “Way to ruin the mood, bro.” He playfully glared. You went to kiss his forehead again but he stopped you, directing your lips to his and kissing you as best he can minding the cuts.

 “You ever thought of hospital sex?” He whispered to you so only you could hear.

 “Ethan!” You hissed, slapping his arm and regretting it when he winced.

“It’s alright, I deserved that.”

 “It’s good to have ya back. bro.” Grayson smiled, happy to see

 “It’s good to be back.” He said pulling you closer to his side.

[dccomicsimagines]

Coming Out By Bleeding Out - Young Justice Imagine

Requested by Anon -  If you're comfortable with it, maybe something with the S1 team where FTM!reader gets hurt on a mission and when they take him to the med-bay to patch him up he refuses to take off his suit, and the team is freaking out bc *Y/N you're gonna bleed out--* when he finally takes it off they see he has top surgery scars and he tells them he didn't want them to find out he was trans because he'd had some bad experiences with coming out before and its just some good platonic hurt/comfort💞 thanks✨!!

Requested by Anon -  can you please write something with a trans!reader who is nervous about telling the team since people hadn't been accepting before? I'm kinda in a similar situation rn and your writing always cheers me up :)) also sorry if i made any grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language lol😂 thanks in advance!!!!❤❤ ❤❤

Author’s Note -  For the second Anon, if you wanted a story with a MTF!reader, please send in another request and I’ll do that for you. I just figured since both prompts had similar themes of coming out that I would combine them. 

***

“Stay awake, (Y/N),” Artemis ordered as she put pressure on your gunshot wound. You moaned, sleep pulling at you.

“I’ll try.” Pain seared through your body when Artemis pressed down harder. Black swarmed your vision. 

Kaldur came into your sight, taking over for Artemis. “We’re about five minutes out, (Y/N). Stay awake.” 

“I think I might hurl,” Wally exclaimed when he got a peek at the blood soaked bandage. 

“Shut up, baywatch.” Artemis smacked him away. “You have no room to comment when (Y/N) took the shot for you.” 

“That wasn’t me! Rob was the one that was about to be shot,” Wally protested, moving away.

“Who cares?” You moaned, closing your eyes. There was a hard tap on your cheek. You forced your eyes open to see Conner glaring down at you.

“Stay awake.” He snorted.

You hummed. Pain rocked through you again. “We’re almost there,” M’gann shouted.

Everything blurred together. You felt yourself being moved. Pain shot through your body. You heard Kaldur explaining the situation to Red Tornado. 

You were laid down. Your heart skipped a beat when you felt someone start to pull up your shirt. “No!” Your hands gripped the edge of your shirt, keeping it down. Fear made your blood run cold. You saw the rest of the team was still in the room with Red Tornado standing over you. 

“(Y/N), I must take your shirt off to see the wound,” Red Tornado explained. 

“No, no, no.” The pain disappeared as you kept a tight grip on your shirt. 

“(Y/N), you are bleeding out, we have to take your shirt off,” Kaldur soothed, coming to your side. 

“It will be fine.” Red Tornado attempted to take off your shirt again, but your grip was too strong. “(Y/N), your resistance will only cause you to lose more blood.” 

You shook your head. The fear made you more aware. They didn’t have to worry about you falling asleep anymore. “No, leave me alone!”

“Take the shirt off, (Y/N)!” Conner snapped, tired of it. M’gann touched his arm.

“(Y/N), why are you scared?” M’gann asked, frowning. You felt her reading your mind. The horror of the team finding out this way chilled you to the bone. You weren’t ready to come out to the team. They would reject you like how you were rejected before. 

More blood gushed from your wound. You felt lightheaded. “No, don’t.” You collapsed back into the bed. All you saw was black.

***

You woke up to bright lights. Panic filled you as the memory came back. You reached to touch your chest, relieved to find you were wearing a shirt. However, the horror set in when you realized it was a different shirt. They had taken off your shirt.

“(Y/N), you’re awake,” Dick said, perking up from the chair beside you. You flinched, staring at him in horror. “Woah, hey you’re fine.” 

Your mouth went dry, terrified out of your mind. You didn’t want to be kicked off the team. They were your friends. You couldn’t stand the idea of them throwing you out. 

Dick held up his hands. “Hey, you’re fine, (Y/N). You lost a lot of blood and you’ll have to heal, but there’s no permanent damage.” 

You covered your face with your hands, wincing when the IV pulled slightly at your movement. Dick eyed you before leaving the room. You couldn’t move your hands away from your face even after you heard the others filing in. 

“(Y/N), my dude,” Wally said with a bright smile on his face. “I’m so glad you’re awake. We thought we lost you, man.” He plopped down beside you, making himself comfortable. You stared at him in shock.

“You scared us to death,” Artemis added, slapping Wally’s arm. “Give (Y/N) space, baywatch. He doesn’t need you crowding him out of his own bed.” 

“(Y/N) doesn’t mind. We’re buds.” Wally nudged you with his elbow, giving you a smirk. You were still staring at him with wide eyes. None of this was making sense.

Swallowing hard, you were able to wet your throat. “You don’t care?” 

Wally and Artemis looked confused. “What do you mean we don’t care? Of course, we care. Why else would we save you?” Conner said, frowning.

You snorted at the irony that you would have to bring this up. “About my scars?” 

“Of course, we care,” Kaldur said calmly. “You are our friend.” 

You blinked in disbelief. This wasn’t what you expected. “You mean it doesn’t bother any of you that I’m trans?” You looked around at everyone, meeting each of their gazes.

Dick shrugged. “No, I mean you’re a cool guy that took a bullet for me and Wally. Can’t complain about that. I’m whelmed.” He laughed his signature creepy laugh. Your heart soared. A smile pulled at your lips.

 M’gann gave you a bright smile. “You’re our friend, and I think I speak for everyone when I say this changes nothing.” 

“Yeah, doesn’t change a thing,” Wally said, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

Artemis snorted. “Yeah, like we didn’t have to explain what top surgery was.” She slapped Wally’s head. Wally whined.

“Sorry that I don’t know everything.” Wally glared at her, but turned back to you a moment later. “But I’m willing to learn what I need to know.” You turned away, tears in your eyes. “Hey, don’t cry. You’ll make Artemis cry.” 

Artemis snorted. You ran a hand over your face, getting control of yourself. “I just expected you guys to hate me,” you explained. “When I came out before, everyone treated it like a joke. No one would use my correct pronouns and don’t get me started on the bathroom...” A sob escaped you.

Kaldur came up to pat your leg while Wally hugged you. M’gann joined the hug a moment later. “We respect you, (Y/N),” Kaldur said quietly.

“Thank you.” You sniffled, trying to stop yourself. 

“But if you refuse to take your shirt off again when you’re bleeding out, we’ll kill you,” Dick said. The mood lightened. You laughed along with everyone else. The relief rushed through you and you realized the best friends you had ever had were the ones standing around you. 

[kz-i-co]

Sorority Secrets: Part IV

Summary: You were officially banished but you couldn't give up without a fight.

Pairing: Kim Jiwon (Bobby) / Reader

Genre: angst/fluff

Words: 2.7k

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 || Part 5 ╫ m.list ╫ ikon masterlist

m.list  ╫ ikon masterlist

-

You paced back and fourth as anger was fuming. You crumbled the note tossing it away and made you way out to the corridor. You saw Haeryung's room lit up the dark hall and immediately went over to her door knocking with rage.

"Oh hello (Y/N)." She just smiled enjoying every second. "I see you're not taking it well. Don't worry you can still sleep here tonight but tomorrow-"

"This is bullshit and you know it." You cut her off. "You can't kick me out, you got nothing on me."

"Huh. Think again." She pulled out her phone with a picture of you and Bobby kissing only an hour ago. "I got my proof right here so don't you dare threaten me." She said proudly.

"This is a fake rule. It's not even in the handbook."

"You talking about this handbook?" She held up her official book. "Caught you stealing as well. Wow."

"It's a rule if you like it or not and there's nothing you can do about it." She continued.

"I'll just go to the Dean then." You spoke up.

"Go ahead." She smirked once again. "He knows about this rule so it's official.....What?....Were you going to get your theata boyfriend to get Dk to steal from his father. Good plan." You hated to admit it but she was way ahead of you. "The Dean knows of our little rivalry. Pff he's the one that even suggested the rule....so sorry you have to leave us so soon."

"I don't believe you."

"Then go ask him yourself. You have been nothing but trouble since you got here. Wait until your mother finds out, she'll be so disappointed that her own daughter-"

You couldn't take it anymore. You slapped her across the face causing her to pull your hair quickly as the fight officially broke out. The girls from downstairs were up quickly from the commotion and tried to break you both away from each other.

"What the fuck is going on?" Mimi raised her voice. Haeryung was looking at you with rage as her hair was a mess and her clothes all ruffled.

"She slapped me first." She was quick to defend herself. "She's taking her banishment harshly."

"You can't banish me for a made up rule that's not even in the official handbook. Even if it was this is against initiation. First warning, then fine, then the banishment. You just skipped to the end because you couldn't stand me since I've gotten here."

"I did give you a warning sweetheart."

"It has to be in writing."

"Everyone downstairs." Haeryung spoke since the tight hallway was closing in.

She had all the girls in an open circle, as you stood in the middle. "I didn't get the chance to explain everything yet so here it goes. Jennie was banished from our Kappa house this morning because we caught her with a theata, more then once. Next Miss (Y/N) here is also banished from our Kappa house, too caught with a theata several times. And not only that, snuck into this very house, now that's two rules breaks right there."

"I'm not a idiot (Y/N). I see everything that goes on around here. That's why I kept my eye on you very closely. You don't deserve to get a warning and you're sure as shit lucky you didn't get a Fine. But once I go to the Dean about this, you mine as well be banished from school property."

"Please I barely touched you." You fought back.

"I was gonna let you spend the night but I can't bare to see your face another second. You can come back for your stuff tomorrow as security stands watch."

"May I have a word before I go?" You said.

"Of course not." Haeryung folded her arms.

"My past sisters need to hear this." You began to take the floor as Haeryung watched from the side.

"Yes I may have started a fight with sister Haeryung and I'm very sorry. But she hasn't let me breath since I've gotten in this house. She knew who I was and knew who my mother was. Like she was afraid the mothers were gonna give me her title or something."

You laughed but got to the point. "But yes it's true I've been caught with a theata, I've actually met him at the first party. And yes he was your typical party theata who was annoying and obnoxious like Haeryung warned but then he was talking to me during school, still annoying but then he started holding my hand, carrying my books, comforting me when Haeryung constantly harassed me." You sighed. "He was just a boy, who cares if he is a theata or sigma or whatever. I fell for him and he's very sweet and kind and one stupid rule isn't gonna keep me away from him. The rule is made up because of Haeryung past experiences and it's not fair that we get to all suffer because of it. The theatas are not bad. They're just regular guys, some are assholes and some aren't."

"Nice speech (Y/N) but it's too late. Your banishment was already emailed to the Dean." Haeryung smiled.

"Haeryung hasn't been honest with everyone here." You smirked. "Haeryung fell in love with a theata too. You all know him from the day we moved in. Theata leader himself Seunghoon." The girls looked at Haeryung with shock. "You are obviously still in love with him unless this stupid rule wouldn't be so enforced."

She squinted at you. "I'm not in love with that moron."

"But you are Haeryung unless this rule would fade out. You have a grudge against him because he made one stupid mistake and still regrets it, you know why Haeryung? It's because he's still in love with you."

"Bobby told me the truth. You were the perfect couple almost your whole freshman year but the last night for the seniors got too carried away. The theatas back then were harsh on their brothers and always forced them to do stupid shit they didn't want to do......But anyway he got wasted and cheated on you with a fellow kappa. He begged for forgiveness but you just pushed him away and worse you got that Kappa in trouble and got her kicked out for something she didn't do. You are a liar and manipulator and it's not fair to have someone like you as our leader."

"Who cares. The theatas have proved they are no good and the Dean agrees. That's why we have this rule. Anyone who disagrees can leave to."

"I understand the rule but banishment is out of the question Haeryung and my mother would agree with me. She was a leader once too."

"Then go cry to her and leave our house." She yelled.

"Another thing before I go." Haeryung rolled her eyes. "I'll keep their identity a secret but there is another Kappa here who has been dating a theata far way longer then I have. Years actually. Surprised you haven't found them out Haeryung, since they are constantly on your side." You smirked. "One thing I like about the theatas is that they are honest. They don't have secrets like everyone in this damn house."

You finally left. It was dark outside but you still had enough street lights guiding your way. You didn't know where Jennie was but you had to find out. You were going to fight this thing.

....

"What are you doing here Kappa?" Seunghoon answered the door with a smirk.

"Your evil ex kicked me out." You said returning the look.

He shook his head with a chuckle and opened the door wider for you to enter. "She wasn't always like that you know."

"I'm sorry, are you sober? I'm not used to that."

"I have a mid term tomorrow." He raised his eyebrows. "Bobby's upstairs."

"By the way." You started. "I think she is still crazy about you unless this stupid rule wouldn't exist. She's still hurting."

He sighed looking down. "I've tried talking to her."

"Maybe you can-"

"It's not gonna work. She's changed."

"It's funny. As much as I hate her, I just want to see everyone happy."

He smiled and went back to the living room as you went upstairs.

"Hey It's pool girl." Another theata caught you in the hallway as you passed their open room. He leaned against the door only wearing a towel around his waist. He had blond hair with a labret piercing.

"Is that what you guys call me?" You asked curious looking passed him as you noticed his roommate come closer. You remembered him as Jinu, the senior that was dating Jeonghwa. You still couldn't believe he was a senior from just looking at him, his face was so young and pure.

"Or we just call you Kappa." Towel dude continued.

"Oh yeah I remember you at our party." Jinu said.

"I'm not a Kappa anymore. I got "banished"." You confirmed.

"How come?" Jinu asked.

"I'm sorta dating Bobby. Do you know what room is his? Last time I was here I was pretty drunk."

"It's that one over there." He leaned out the doorway and pointed to the correct door. He smile was very genuine.

"Thank you." You nodded and slowly began to take off.

"Wait...." Jinu closes the door behind him to continue talking to you.

"You really got kicked out for dating a theata? We knew that was a rule but we thought it bogus."

"I thought you would know that out of anyone." You turned back towards him.

"You know?" He looked worried.

"I'm not gonna tell anyone." You smiled. "I thought at first it would help me break this stupid rule but it's too late now."

"It's not too late. I'll help you if you want it, just let me know."

"Thank you Theata senior. That's kind of you." You bowed respectfully.

"Ugh, please don't call me that." He turned around back towards his room.

You continued back towards Bobby's room and knocked on the door. You just hoped he wasn't asleep since it was already past midnight.

"Hey what are you doing here?" Bobby answered as Hanbin leaned up in bed seeing you at the door.

"Well....." You sighed deeply. "I was banished from the Kappa nu house and I have nowhere to sleep tonight."

"They can't just kick you out in the middle of the night like that." Bobby said growing angry.

"I was allowed to just sleep the night at first but then I started a fight with Haeryung so yeah. Now I'm here."

"Jennie was banished too, have you seen her?" You continued looking at Hanbin.

"She was banished?" He said sitting up.

"Has she talked to you at all?" You asked.

"She said she was feeling sick and going home for a few days." He pulled out his phone and started texting.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do." You said and Bobby pulled you into his chest.

"We'll go to the Dean tomorrow and get this straightened out."

"Haeryung said he knows already and it's an official rule."

He signed. "We'll figure this out tomorrow. Let's just get some sleep."

You took your shoes off and laid down cuddling into his chest. By this point you rather just live here so you could do this every night.

"Hey." Hanbin walked back in the room after getting off his phone with Jennie. "She said there's no more dorms that's why she's home. Have you thought about the apartments down the road? They are mostly students anyway."

"I wouldn't be able to afford it, I would have to get a job."

"I'll just talk to the Dean, and hopefully get this all straightened out." You continued.

-

Your face scrunched as the sudden ringtone alerted you awake. You leaned over trying to grab the device but you felt the sudden pull from Bobby's sleep state behind you. You let the call go straight to voicemail as you turned around closer into his chest to try to wake him up. You kissed up his neck causing him to groan in his sleep. Once his eyes slowly drifted open you continued to deepen your kiss until they met up to his lips.

"You guys better not do what I think you're about to do." Hanbin groaned as he slowly rose from his bed.

You giggled as you lied back down. "No worries."

"I better hit the shower before the other guys wake up." Bobby groaned as he left your side leaving you with a cold empty bed.

You went back to pick up your phone seeing it was only 9:30 and saw your new notification for a voice mail from Haeryung. You took a deep sigh trying not to let her bother you and began to listen.

"Good morning (Y/N), I hope you had a good night's sleep from everything that happened last night. I do wish you could of acted more mature so we can deal with this in a clean manor but unfortunately my hands are tied from your aggressive behavior. I will only be able to have campus security here by noon so I do wish to ONLY see you then. We will have helping hands here for you as a gratitude on my behalf because I did wish to see you rise above the other pledges and see you one of us but I guess we can't always get what we want. I wish for the best in your future." And with that the voicemail ended.

She really continued to get under your skin with that positive optimistic attitude. She's fake and a manipulator. How were you going to beat someone like that? She had everyone believing her bullshit and it's been that way for years.

"Did you want to shower (Y/N)?" You looked at your boyfriend as his hair dripped with fresh water and he continued to use his towel to dry it as fast as possible.

"No thanks." You made a face of judgment.

"Oh I get it. You think having only two showers in a house full of guys is probably disgusting. But I promise you......it could be worse." You couldn't help but giggle at his attempt.

"I'll just use the locker rooms to shower, no biggie. I have to be at the kappa house by noon so I guess I'll see you later." You said kissing him goodbye.

....

You were on your way over to the hell house to finally get this over with. The only problem was where you suppose to go after this? There was no more dorms and you weren't in a position to get an apartment. Would begging to stay be ridiculous? Could you sink to that level?

You rolled your eyes as you saw actually campus security waiting by the front door. "Hi (Y/N). Right on time." Haeryung came out side with her stupid fake smile.

"Are they really necessary. I'm not dangerous."

"Must I bring up last night?"

"That was just all my emotions build up from everything that was happening and I do apologize. I promise I'm not a violent person." You bowed respectfully.

"Trying to kiss up to me in front of security? That's cute."

"I'm not." You looked at her with sincerity. "I thought about everything you said and I was stupid and careless. I should of listened."

"What? Did you break up with your theata already?"

"If I did would that make a difference?" You asked not hurting anyone.

"Of course it would but then you attacked me. I'm not dumb (Y/N). You've been lying to my face since you joined us. Can't have girls like you in this sorority."

"Don't you mean cult." You glares at you but then her eyes lit up going past you.

You turned around to see what made her mood shift and immediately felt chills. Your mother stood before you with her arms crossed and the look of disappointment. It was worse then seeing her angry but you knew this wasn't gonna end well. Kappa Nu was your mother's everything and you messed up.

"Mom I can explain." You began.

[nekoannie-chan]

A Diary of Secrets part I

Pairing: 40’s! Steve Rogers X Barnes! Reader.

Word count: 2186 words.

Summary: Y/N Barnes decided to write a diary telling everything that had happened while she waited for Steve and Bucky to come back from the war, what happens when Bucky found out everything that happened between his little sister and Steve?

Warnings: Some smut references, mention of a death of characters, nothing explicit.

A/N: The diary parts are in italics.

Main story is setting between 1943-1945.

Also I included in a small Runaways cameo.

This is my entry to the @cake-writes ‘s Cake’s 1940’s Challenge with the quote:

“Force is the only language they understand, like bullies“-President Franklin D. Roosevelt.

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English, if you notice any mistake please let me know and I will correct it.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics be posted in other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don’t steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other’s people. The only exception is the ones I gifted ‘cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and is not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Marvel’s characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

Main masterlist.

Add yourself to my taglist here.

My other media where I publish: Ao3, Wattpad, ffnet, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter.

If you like it please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Part II   Part III   Part IV   Part V   Part VI

 1943

 You took the notebook; you missed your big brother, not even a week had passed since he had left, although he was not the only one, however, you did not know if you would see him again given the chances that you will reach the next decade, you opened the notebook and took your favorite pen.

"Maybe it's a nice memory for Bucky to know what was going on in his absence," you thought while smiling.

To Bucky:

 I'm writing this diary for you, I don't know if I'm going to make it or if I'll see you again, but if I don't make it and you do, I want you to at least know what happened during all this time.

It is also to feel closer and not miss you so much and have something of me in case anything should happen.

I really love you brother.

 You weren't sure if that was a good introduction but you needed to make sure that no one else was going to read it.

However something was very true you did not know if you would see him or Steve again, it still hurt that Steve had left even though he had made a promise that you hoped the two of you could keep.

 Dear Bucky:

 Do you remember when you introduced Steve to our family? I was eight years old, and I guess you never imagined how relevant it was going to be in our lives, right?

I hope that both of them are well in the army, Steve did not want to work in the factory with Rebecca's husband, they are fine, Mom is working hard too.

You know the other day I remembered the time you found Steve and me kissing each other, that's when you found out about our relationship.

I miss you brother.

 You wrote other memories and banalities, sometimes you felt as if time passed very slowly, other times very fast, you could not say exactly what fate was going to bring to any of the three, but you felt that it was not exactly a good thing.

 1939

 You were on the swing in the park crying, you didn't really want to go home.

“Y/N?”

You tried to wipe away the tears with the back of your hand, then looked up as you recognized the voice.

"Hi Steve," you said.

“You're crying, what's wrong?” He asked worriedly sitting down on the swing next to him.

"No, nothing," you replied, looking away.

"Tell me the truth, you know I'm going to try to help you," he asked.

"Steve, nothing happens."

Steve raised your face with one of his hands and studied him closely.

"Your eyes give you away, you were crying, I know you so tell me what's up or let's go to your brother," Steve said.

You sighed and bent down to grab your purse that he used with a backpack and showed him a completely broken notebook.

He took it completely confused and began to check the notebook realizing that it had happened.

“It's your stories' notebook? but who…?”

"It was a girl in my class because my brother didn't want to dance with her the other day."

Steve hugged you, he better than anyone knew how you felt.

"If they bother you again, tell me and I'll give them what they deserve," he assured.

"Steve, I don't like to be bothered, it's bad for your health," you commented.

"It is also bad for yours and it is very cruel that they want to hurt you, so ignore those girls, you are very cute Y/N," he said.

"Do you think I'm cute Steve?"

"No ... well ... I mean if ... I mean ...”

"Forget it, they are right, I am horrible," you interrupted.

“No! I don't want you to say something like that again”

"Steve ...”

He kissed you, an innocent kiss on the lips, Steve could no longer contain himself, he liked you, and however he hated when people bothered you and made you feel bad, he hated to see you cry.

For him, you were the prettiest and most innocent girl he had ever met, you were almost the opposite of Bucky, the only one who didn't look at him with disgust or contempt, the only one who always remembered his birthday.

Bucky ... he didn't even care if he hit him, he had already gotten tired of so many failed appointments that he had accepted to forget you, but he couldn't keep hiding his feelings anymore.

“I…”

You felt the heat on your cheeks increase, you didn't know what to say or do, and you liked Steve since you were twelve years old.

"Y/N, I like you, I don't care if your brother hits me, and I can't hide feelings anymore" Steve confessed.

"Are you serious, Steve?"

"Sure but I understand if ...”

You came closer to him and now you kissed him.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" He asked finally.

And then you kissed again, finally after so long.

“How shall we tell your brother?” Steve suddenly asked, terrified.

Knowing Bucky… he was probably going to murder him.

"Well, I don't know ... I don't know how he's going to take it," you answered confused.

"Hmm ... we better not tell him."

You nodded, maybe for the moment that was for the best.

"I'll buy you another notebook and you can write more stories there," Steve promised.

"I won't be able to get them all back."

Some sheets were completely broken, they had also lost pieces and with that fragments of the stories that you liked so much to write.

"You will make better ones," he assured you.

Steve kissed your hand.

"You must return to your house or they will start to worry, I will accompany you," he offered without releasing your hand.

All the way back they went hand in hand.

"Thanks, see you tomorrow?" You thanked him when you arrived at the porch of your house.

“Sure”.

You gave him a little kiss. You separated a few seconds before the door to the house opened.

“Y/N? I was going to go look for you, “Bucky said.

"I met Steve on the way here, we talked for a while and he offered to accompany me back," you replied.

Bucky thanked him and made him come in to have dinner with you.

 1943

 “What!? Are you leaving Steve? ”You asked, unable to process what I had said a few minutes earlier.

"Yes doll, I was finally accepted into the army," he repeated.

"Steve, I thought we had already talked about this."

“I know but it's that Bucky…”

“My brother what? You can do other things...”

“What things? Are you going to say the same as him? ”He asked, exasperated.

 ”Why do you want to go?”

"I must do something for the country, my father did it, and it is my duty."

You shook your head, Steve and his father were not the same people.

"Force is the only language they understand, like bullies," Steve said.

"Steve ... I don't want to lose you, you are the love of my life" you whispered almost crying.

"I promise I'll be back, as soon as I get back we'll be married."

From his pocket, he took out an engagement ring.

“Where did you get that?”

“It belonged to my mom, save it for when the time was right, I think this is it, would you marry me?

You nodded as you felt the tears start to come out of your eyes, he took your hand and put the ring on you.

"I love you Y/N, as soon as I return I will fulfill everything you always wanted," he promised.

"I love you, Stevie."

You kissed, Steve started cuddling you.

 2024

 They beat Thanos, thanks to Sister Grimm; Tony's wounds were healed as well as being able to bring Nat back with Tina Minoru’s help.

Steve was debating for a while about whether to stay or return to the moment before he had made the biggest mistake of his life, but if he left, he didn't know how he would explain the reasons to Bucky, so he decided to stay, he owed it to his friend, and he owed it to your beloved Y/N.

“Barnes, this is what we found, I don't know but I think it was from your family, do you know Y/N?” Nat asked, giving Bucky a box with various things.

"She is my younger sister," he replied.

"Well, there are several notebooks there, it seems they are hers, I think she wrote something to you, I don't know very well, I only read the first page to make sure that were things for you," Natasha indicated.

“Thank you.”

Bucky took the box and began to check things, some vague memories came to him.

He knew Rebecca had passed away in 2010, but he didn't know when Y/N had passed away or what had happened to her.

He remembered that Rebecca had married a few months before he went off to war, so she knew after the war finished she had several children.

But Y/N ... his little sister ... she was dating Steve ... had she continued with her life after what had happened? No matter how much he searched, he found no information.

He saw one of the last photos that the three of them had taken together, they were smiling, Y/N was the smallest, not only of age but also of height, he looked very happy in that photo.

Although on second thought, if Y/N had known everything that happened to her ... she would have been disappointed in him, she had always admired him, but for all those things he did in the past, he felt ashamed.

“Buck, finally I find you, what is that?” Steve asked when he saw that his friend had something in his hand.

"Natasha gave me this, it's my family stuff."

He showed the photo to Steve, he seemed to notice that his friend had turned pale when he saw it, but he had probably hallucinated him.

"Do you know what happened to my little sister?"

"Hmm, yes, Peggy told me, she went to see your family after I fell on the ice and ...”

“AND?”

"She didn't make it."

“Oh…”

Bucky held onto the table, finding his direct family was more than impossible in the current era.

"I don't know exactly what happened to her, your family didn't give Peggy much information," Steve continued.

"She ... she was sick, wasn't she?"

“Yes, her condition was very delicate since she was twelve years old.”

"I guess she got worse," Bucky deduced.

"What's all that?" Steve asked, glancing inside the box.

“Booklets, it seems that Y/N wrote things.

"Surely the stories she loved to create so much."

Bucky looked at the photo again, did not remember many details.

"Do you know when that was?" Steve asked him.

"Before the war?" Bucky answered uncertainly.

"Yes, a month before you were accepted in the army, there should be another photo of the four of us.”

"You had a photo on your compass, didn't you?"

“Yes, it's from Y/N.”

Steve showed him the compass, Bucky couldn't remember how Steve and Y/N had ended up together.

Steve was beginning to feel uncomfortable, no one knew what had actually happened the last time he saw her, he had been thinking of going back and fixing everything, there was no time when he did not regret or feel bad about what had happened.

"I have to go with Tony, he asked me for help."

"Sure, go, I'll keep checking this."

After Steve left, Bucky looked doubtfully at the notebooks, should he read them? From the little she flipped through it looked like a newspaper, wouldn't she be violating her little sister's privacy?

But there was no way of knowing what had happened to his little sister, he opened the first page, it seemed that it was dedicated to him, that then could be a signal to continue, but he did not want to be interrupted.

He took the box and took it to his room, he made sure he was reading the first volume, he wanted to understand everything perhaps that would also help him to remember and know more about his past, many things were still blurred and confusing.

If Bucky found out what had really happened, he probably wasn't going to forgive him either, Steve saw the compass again, he would even be able to sell his soul if necessary as long as Y/N forgave him.

"As I would like you to truly believe that I regretted what I did, I never wanted to hurt you, I was very stupid, I couldn't fulfill anything I promised you doll," he murmured before closing the compass.

The weekend he would go to Y/N's grave again to leave him flowers, nobody knew that he used to do it, he did not want to answer any kind of questions, would it be too cynical of him to ask the photos of Bucky?

[sakura--jin]

seven (sasusaku)

summary: Memories. Seven ways they were perfect from the start, and their story finally complete. Fluff.

note: I first posted this story on FFN 7 years ago - before we went canon! You’d think that I’d be tired of this couple by now...but I always come back. :)

-.-.-.-.-

seven

by JIN1968

-.-.-.-.-

Seven, the perfect number.

.

.

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i. 7 colors of the rainbow

At six, it was your smile that made me smile and get butterflies in my stomach.

Now, I'm not sure if you know this, but I used to watch you and the other boys in our little class of fifteen play ball together after class. Because I was just that bit more mature, people thought I was hard to approach, so no one really talked to me - this was before Ino - and so I always sat alone on the swingset, watching you and the others play. I never said anything because I felt that if I did, I'd disrupt some kind of perfect harmony that everyone at the park had, and just carried on with my role of swinging and staring.

One day, you threw a perfect toss towards the wall - the weekly basketball games had turned to wall ball - and tripped and fell over. I think I was first shocked that you would make this kind of mistake, and then realized that you must've been in a lot of pain. So I yelled for an adult to come while I tried to help you stand. (Meanwhile, most of the other girls had just screamed at the sight of a bit of blood on your knees and ran away.)

(...Just for the record.)

When you came back the next week for another game of wall ball, I saw you smile at me before making another perfect toss without falling over this time. This made me smile so much that I got off my swing and started jumping up and down, cheering you on.

You came over to me, and asked, real politely, "Would you like to play with us?"

To which I answered in the most exasperated way, "Yes!"

And so we would always play together: me, you, and the other boys too, until that older brother of yours would come and pick you up. You'd wave and smile at me, saying our goodbyes, and I'd do the same back, before resigning back to my seat on the swings.

This was before the massacre, of course. Itachi would soon not only take you away from me after every ball game we played, but he'd also take away the warmth of your heart and the naive smile that I fell in love with which won't ever come back.

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ii. 7 cosmic stages

At eight, it was your fake smiles and silent suffering that made me cry in your place.

I'd heard about the massacre and what happened with your brother from my parents who had heard it from the neighbors - after all, it was the gossip of the village for the next three months.

I can imagine how painful and annoying it was for you to be suffering from the trauma, and the murmurs and exaggerated sympathy from the villagers. Which is why, looking back now, I must've been just that much more annoying when I gave you a basket of tomatoes as an out-of-the-blue present and then proceeded to tell you that I was sorry.

It made me cry though, when you stood up from your seat and told me I was pissing you off. And it made me break down, even more, when you went on and reprimanded me for saying "I'm sorry" so carelessly.

But I wasn't saying it like that, just tossing an apology absentmindedly.

I said it because I couldn't understand why you would keep smiling and not have a complete mental breakdown in front of the grown-ups who gave their conspicuously feigned sympathies.

And when you don't understand something, Sasuke - one can only try to sympathize with the other.

But after losing you, and having the village call my teammate a "despicable traitor," I've come to empathize with you.

Completely.

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iii. 7 heavens

At twelve, it was your silent ways of showing that you still cared that made me smile and put my faith in you.

Obviously, you were never really the one who'd boldly act out a random act of kindness for another; that was more of Naruto's thing. Instead, you probably did all of it subconsciously.

Subconsciously, you'd correct my mistakes in training by watching me and then demonstrating. Subconsciously, you'd pay for all the ramen after our team seven monthly dine-outs. Subconsciously you'd save my life and Naruto's, subconsciously you actually did listen to what I wanted for Christmas.

(And don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about, Sasuke. If I didn't notice the little things, then I probably wouldn't have been valedictorian of our academy class. I also wouldn't be head of the hospital, for that matter.)

Because it's the little things that count and the little things that matter. You'd always make all your weapons and everything nice and neat, down to the very detail.

So of course, when it came to your "betray the Hidden Leaf" plan, I'm sure you had it all thought out, of course. And knowing you - you probably already knew that I was going to stop you.

.

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iv. 7 hells

At twelve, it was your flat out rejection that made me realize the pain of losing another.

How you sent me through hell and back with just two words, I won't ever know. I'd spent nights thinking about what they'd meant.

"Thank you…" But no?

"Thank you…" Me too?

"Thank you..."

Sometimes I wish that you were capable of speaking more than two words in a sentence. But then that wouldn't be like the Sasuke I know, so I wouldn't actually like that.

I remember spending so many days, so many nights, after you left, just walking around Konoha, watching the stars, thinking of you. Wondering if you were suffering now, or if you ever wondered about me and Naruto.

But most of all, I wondered if you had changed. I wondered and feared if the sheer environment, people, and society of Sound, was capable of changing someone so caring and brave and smart as Sasuke Uchiha —

And of course, it did.

I knew the Sasuke I knew had died some day in Sound. And so I cried every night, pretending that he was still alive and that I was still waiting for him.

But when the pain became just too much to bear - I gave up waiting and entrusted my dreams to the future.

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v. 7 pillars of wisdom

At seventeen, it was my poisoned kunai at my throat that made me realize that our little love that could had already crumbled and fell.

Just what had happened to you, Sasuke? What happened between the time we'd last met at the hideout? What happened between fighting Naruto and living in Sound? What happened between my confession and now?

Did my feelings really mean nothing to you anymore?

After we'd left the area, and for months to follow the incident, the same question would always surface in my mind:

Did you actually want to kill us? Were you actually capable and fully prepared to do so?

In the weeks before the incident, I immediately would've said no. No, I would've said confidently, Sasuke's still the Sasuke we know, and the Sasuke we know is someone who cares for his teammates and is cold, but never cruel, towards others. I'd also add softly that, that was the Sasuke I had fallen in love with so many years back.

But looking back now and thinking so long, I don't think so.

I know you were fully capable of killing us that day, Sasuke. I'll never forget the maniacal laughter you gave that day. And I'll never forget that blood-stained expression on your face either.

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vi. 7 circuits of jericho

At nineteen, it was your return to our side in the war that made me realize that yes, we're allowed to forgive and forget.

Of course, it just had to be me who first noticed you had come to us with the other Hokages. And of course, I just had to be oh-so-surprised and utterly wonderstruck when we first made eye-contact.

I'm sure you thought I looked pretty stupid, just like that good old twelve-year-old fangirl Sakura. Well, no sir -

for your information, that smirk you gave (and Naruto's little squeaks of...awe) after I punched the hell out of those monsters later that day was fulfilling enough to temporarily forgive you for looking down on me. And anyway, you came back by yourself, out of the blue - which to the me in the midst of such a great and confusing war, meant all the more meaningful. For years Naruto and I had just tried and tried to get you to come back, and yet, how ironic that in the end, you came back on your own accord (complete with a pretty impossible dream to become Hokage, you psycho). And for the first time in just far too long, we all fought as the original Team 7 again - which seriously, just meant much more than the world to me.

(Also, forgive me for randomly slapping you after it all was over. I just had to.)

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vii. 7 pipes of pan

At twenty-one, it was your awkward cliched proposal on one knee and bouquet of roses in hand that made me realize that yes, Sakura - love can always start again.

And Sasuke, after making you read such a long story of us, I suppose my answer to your confession is, has, and will always be, quite obvious in the most exasperated way - hell yes, you stupid psycho bastard.

Seven, the number of completion.

End.

-.-.-.-.-

Thank you so much for reading - have a great day!

[aliceslantern]

Serendipity, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 5

ser·en·dip·i·ty | n -- the occurrence of an unplanned fortunate discovery.

It's all fun and games until someone gets pregnant.

Modern AU, Zemyx, Ienzo is trans and AFAB.

Chapter summary:  Ienzo moves into the third trimester. Life changes forever.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

The third trimester was not nearly as pleasant as the second. Ienzo felt heavy, unwieldy, his thought processes muddy and murky. At least the weather was no longer so unbearably hot. He was again exhausted, and it was very difficult to find pregnancy clothing that wasn’t feminine. Naminé thankfully came to the rescue and sewed some things for him.

How odd, to think they had family. Not just the blood or adopted relatives, but the friends, too. Riku was continually surprised to see him. “I keep forgetting,” he said honestly. His partners, Sora and Kairi, were almost more excited about the baby than he was. “Here you are. Going domestic.”

“I’ll certainly have no shortage of babysitters,” Ienzo said drolly. “Sora, if you post that selfie you won’t have a phone anymore. Thank you.”

He was finding it difficult to work normally. Getting up and down off of his high stool at the research desk was something of a chore. Considering how frequently he needed to move around, it was an issue. While he still did love feeling the baby move, especially as the further the pregnancy went the more he could distinctly feel each little limb, he no longer was quite so enamored with this state of being.

One afternoon he was feeling more tired and sluggish than normal. He was trying to fix some kind of issue with his personal computer, one that, were he not pregnant, he could solve within five minutes, but he couldn’t think straight. The frustration actually brought tears to his eyes, and he wasn’t able to blink them back this time. And once the tears started… they didn’t stop.

Demyx found him with his head in his hands on the couch. “Babe?” he asked. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I feel so slow. So stupid.”

“It’s just the hormones,” he said. “You’re--”

“I know. I know it’s the fucking hormones.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’m exhausted.”

“I know.” Demyx handed him a tissue. “Why don’t you lay down? I’ll make some dinner.”

He did… and he drifted. When he woke up he felt nauseous and feverish and there was an awful ache in his back that wouldn’t rub away. He sat up slowly, with the intent of searching these symptoms, only for the nausea to immediately escalate. He barely was able to grab the living room wastebasket in time. It couldn’t be morning sickness--it was far too late for that.

Something was wrong.

Demyx poked his head out of the bathroom. “Ienzo? What’s--oh. Oh, baby.”

The tears were back. Demyx rested a hand on his forehead. “You’re really warm.”

“I don’t feel right.”

“I know.”

Dizzily, he flicked his eyes back to the clock. It was late, too late to see a doctor.

“Could it be a stomach bug?”

“Maybe--” He sniffled. Demyx took the sick from him and handed him a wet paper towel.

“Why don’t you lay back down? We can get you to the doctor in the morning.”

Maybe it was because he was so weak, but he didn’t resist, and dipped in and out of consciousness.

“...thanks for coming. I wasn’t sure who else to call.”

“Of course. It’s been a long time since I practiced medicine, but I think I can manage.”

“He was crying. Ienzo never cries. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“We’ll figure it out.” A cold hand on his face. “Ienzo? Love?”

He blinked. “Dad? What are you--”

“Demyx was worried about you. I am too.”

He tried to sit up, but Even eased him down. He was cold now, trembling. A thermometer was eased into his mouth.

“You’ve got quite a fever,” he said. “What else do you feel? Other than the nausea and vomiting?”

“Something just doesn’t feel right,” he said thickly. “My back… hurts pretty badly.”

Even felt at his back, probing gently near the ribs. Ienzo winced. “Is that where it hurts?”

“Yes.”

“Hm. Well.” It was still pretty dark in here; all Ienzo could see was the curtain of his father’s hair. “Those are your kidneys. Seems a pretty straightforward infection to me.”

“...Kidney infection?” He blinked wearily. “How--”

“Perhaps you confused the frequent urination for mere pregnancy pressure. A normal mistake. Not to mention your immune system currently has a lot to keep up with.”

“But the baby--”

“I’m sure the baby will be fine. I would like to get you to a hospital, though, to be safe.”

In a haze, Ienzo went with them. He was sweating like crazy, foggy and miserable. Even’s diagnosis was correct. They started him on IV antibiotics just to be cautious, and decided to observe him overnight due to the pregnancy. He had trouble getting into a comfortable position to sleep on the small hard bed. The baby seemed to sense his distress, kicking gently. Their heart rate seemed to be normal, judging by the monitors. The on-call OB had told him as much, and they would likely be fine.

He felt guilty. The thing he had the most control over--his body--had failed him. How could he possibly expect to be a good parent if he couldn’t even tell when he was sick ? Again, he felt the tears and covered his mouth.

Demyx, half asleep in the uncomfortable plastic chair, stirred. “Ienzo? Are you in pain?”

“No,” he said. “I just--I didn’t know. How didn’t I know?”

“It’s not your fault.” He came over to the bed.

“How can I possibly protect them when I can’t even protect them from my own body?”

“Babe, you’re spiraling,” he said. “You couldn’t have done anything differently. And you know what? You’re going to be a good dad.”

“How can you know that?”

His gaze was fervent. “Because of how much you care,” he said. “This whole time--even before you thought you were going to stay pregnant, you’ve been on top of it. The way you eat. The way you talk about them. And if it helps? I’m scared too.”

He wiped at his eyes. “You raised your sister.”

“That’s not starting from scratch, though. You and me? I think we can do it.” He kissed Ienzo’s sweaty forehead. “We can’t save them from everything. We just have to do our best.”

He hiccupped. “Alright,” he said. “I’ll try.”

---

The more time passed, the harder it was to go about his daily life. Simple chores like laundry or cleaning took much longer, and he was often short of breath from the baby compressing his lungs. As much as Demyx tried to help, he also knew that Ienzo saw help as patronizing. September and October passed dizzily. Ienzo found himself often unable to sleep; if he were not getting up for the bathroom, he couldn’t get comfortable, or the baby would be moving too much to let him sleep. His nipples, despite there being very little breast tissue after the top surgery, ached, and he learned in his research he could still produce small amounts of milk.

He spent a lot of these hours organizing and reorganizing things in the nursery. Logically, he knew it was nesting, an instinctive process, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. He would sit in an old rocking chair--a relic from his childhood--with a pair of earphones around his stomach. As soon as Demyx learned the baby was starting to hear, he created dozens of playlists for them in utero. Truthfully, Ienzo did not mind. Some of these nights Demyx would come get him, coax him back into bed, and rub his back until he finally fell into a hesitant sleep.

Dr. Gainsborough told him he would likely need a C-section; the baby was getting too large to pass through his hips. Privately, Ienzo was relieved. He could deal with surgery. The ordeal of natural birth seemed humiliating. They scheduled this birth for November ninth.

“That’s my lucky number,” Demyx said. “A good sign.”

He had to stop working earlier than he would have liked. Getting through the days was just too exhausting. He settled for doing what he could from home.

A few days before Halloween, he felt it, a thick, heady cramp that made him gasp out loud. But it passed quickly, just being a Braxton-Hicks. It happened a few more times, sporadically. “It’s not as if my body knows the baby is being born surgically,” Ienzo assured a frantic Demyx. “It’s just practice. Lucky me.”

On the holiday itself, however, he woke up with one of those cramps, deeper than before. They must be getting stronger the farther I get, he thought, wincing. Demyx was in class, and was due to work a Halloween concert in the evening. Ienzo had planned on spending the day with a few of his favorite gothic novels, and sleeping when he could.

This all changed when he stood up. He felt it happen, a slight pinch between his legs before the wetness ran down them, releasing a pressure he hadn’t been fully conscious was there. Janice the cat padded over and sniffed at it curiously.

“Oh, no,” Ienzo said. “No, no. You’re early.” It didn’t surprise him; Demyx was notoriously an early riser. “No, kitty, you don’t want to drink that.” As he struggled to clean up both himself and the mess, he was weirdly calm--almost numb.

I’m in labor, he thought, as if thinking it would make him internalize the truth. I’m in labor and I can’t give birth.

He called his doctor first.

“This happens all the time,” she said. “Just get to the hospital when you can. Have someone drive you. You’re in no shape. It’s going to be okay, Ienzo.”

The contractions remained sporadic. The pain was… bracing, but he’d always had a high tolerance and dealt accordingly. As soon as he knew Demyx’s class was out, he called.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“Yes and no,” Ienzo said. “I’m afraid I’m in labor. They’re going to move the c-section up to today. Can you come get me?”

“Can I come--” Ienzo heard him take a shaky breath. “Of course. Of course. Just relax. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

He sat on the couch with the small bag he’d packed a few weeks ago. Janice kneaded his stomach gently, purring. “I suppose you know,” he said to the cat. He called his parents and told them as well.

“You were early too,” Even told him. “Your mother--bless her--tried to keep working. She said you liked being kept busy. I thought she was going to give birth right on that lab floor.”

“I’d hoped to--not have to feel this nonsense,” he said, through his teeth.

“Are you sure you want to wait for Demyx? I can take you now.”

“The contractions are still pretty far apart. I want him to be there. He needs to be there.”

He waited.

How odd, it was to be in this state. In several hours this person would be out of him. It would be through with--save the next eighteen years. He contracted. He breathed. He felt the baby’s feet acutely as they moved, steadily, down.

Demyx all but threw the door open. “How are you doing?”

“Believe it or not, I’ve had worse pain,” he said.

Demyx helped him up gently. “When? How?”

“When I was in the fourth grade--” A contraction gripped him, and he needed to wait until it was over to finish the sentence. “I was riding bikes with friends. We were heading down a big hill. I lost control. Cracked my femur. That was far more awful.”

“We should go,” Demyx said. “Careful. Take your time.”

Ienzo was acutely aware that this was the last time it would only be the two of them in the apartment, and he felt an almost thick fear.

It all seemed to be going slowly and quickly at the same time. He was admitted, Even came and worried over him anxiously, the hospital staff prepared the OR in maternity. Before he’d even fully accepted that he was about to give birth, he was being given the spinal block for the procedure and eased down onto the table. “Where are you?” Ienzo asked.

“I’m right here.” He felt Demyx take his hand. The light in here was blinding. A nurse set up the draping that would hide the reality of the surgery from him. “I’ve never been in an operating room before.”

“A good thing,” Dr. Gainsborough said. “Ienzo? You doing okay?”

“Quite--it’s just very bright.”

“Ah--sorry.” She moved a lamp. “Do you want me to tell you what I’m doing?”

“Demyx is squeamish,” he said wearily.

“But you’re the one giving birth,” Demyx said. “Birth. Holy fuck.”

“No,” he said. “No, it’s alright.”

They prepped him gently, chatting happily around him, about the fact that it was a Halloween baby. He felt oddly meditative, very calm. He wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with the anesthetic.

“You might feel some pressure,” Dr. Gainsborough said. “But that’s all you should feel.”

Surely enough, he could feel some tugging. She’s taking them out of me , he thought dazedly.

“There we go,” she said, a smile in her voice. “You’ve got a little girl.”

And then Ienzo heard her cry. It was this that startled him back fully into the present, a surge of endorphins forcing tears to his eyes.

“Everything looks great,” she said.

After a moment--far too short and far too long in the same breath--a wrapped bundle was being brought to his face. Ienzo had to fight the urge to grab her, conscious of the fact that he was quite literally still being operated on. He placed a hand on her, straining to get a good look.

Demyx brought her a little closer. He was crying freely. “Look at her,” she said.

“I see. I see.” His voice was unsteady. “Hi, love. Oh.”

He planted a kiss onto his forehead. “You did it. Thank you.”

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Swallow - A Dark Kairi/SoKai/KHIV Story Chapter Three

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21456412/chapters/51131662

Summary: My idea for a Kingdom Hearts IV--that will eventually have all that entails, like Shibuya and Verum Rex and Sora's PoV--but that deals with the idea of a dark Kairi after everything she's been through, because this girl deserves to be allowed to feel things.

Author’s Note: So, Re:Mind came out since I last updated this. And, sad to say, it’s not canon to this story… because the idea that Kairi didn’t get to spend much time with Sora at all—or get a chance to prove herself in the Keyblade War in her eyes—is part of why she’s so messed up here. But the rest of KHIII and its ending is canon to this, as is all our theories about where the series is going next. And to be clear… though this is a “dark Kairi” story… so far, at least (I might change my mind about this later. IDK) she’s not literally getting darkness within her heart—as she’s a Princess of Heart, and that shouldn’t be impossible—she’s just moreso experiencing the emotions that usually lead to darkness, but don’t with her because of her unique makeup. Also, last chapter Kairi had no idea that who she met was the Master of Masters—or even who the Master of Masters is—but since then, she’s figured it out. And I've only edited this massive chapter once (oops), so if there are any weird mistakes... that's why. Sorry Magic in the Midst Kairi’s PoV “Kairi, I was too hard on you,” Riku began, as he found her in what was still her favorite place somehow: the paopu tree. “I never should’ve said what I did. Especially when losing Sora’s been so… hard. “I know- I know you were just thinking of the greater good. I would have killed Ansem, I mean…” Except that Riku was being way too hard on himself here, and Kairi knew it. But since she didn’t exactly want to give up her newfound strength yet—and admitting that Riku had actually been right about her would make her have to do it—she selfishly didn’t correct him. Instead, she decided to focus on what really mattered—as she scooted closer to Riku, so he’d be able to hear her perfectly as she said this. “Master Yen Sid thinks he may have a new idea for where Sora may be. Another world that we haven’t been to yet… But Riku, I’m scared. The Master of Masters said that every world I’d go to on an upcoming adventure would be tied to my- my anger. And first off, I don’t know if I’m ready to face that worst part of myself. But it also makes me think that we won’t find Sora at all. Because how could he, of all people, ever be in a place connected to that?” Riku smiled at Kairi sympathetically, as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder… which was probably the only thing even remotely keeping her connected to the World at this point. Seeing this nice side of Riku again—from before he’d become obsessed with seeing the outside world and had lost himself some (huh. If thatdidn’t sound familiar right now)… that- that had been the Riku she’d had a crush on even before Sora. But as it was—as nice as this was—Kairi would never love another besides Sora. And having another guy touch her now, almost felt like a betrayal to him, even though she also knew it was really, really stupid to think that way—because of course her best friend should be allowed to try and comfort her… even if she didn’t at all deserve it. “Kairi, I’m not going to lie… when I was told, in Castle Oblivion, that I would only see beings of darkness—and places tied to my own darkness—I probably felt exactly what you’re feeling now, or close to. But as Sora would probably say…  there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. I definitely found my own there, in learning how to use light and darkness back to back. So you- you gotta believe the same about yourself. “Especially since I know something you don’t. It would seem this so called ‘Master’ was wrong. Master Yen Sid told me that the world of ‘Andalasia New York’ is a happy one. And that the reason he thinks Sora is there, is because… Sora’s already left wherever we were first sensed him, and now Yen Sid thinks Sora will be going only to joyful worlds: because- because he thinks he’s more likely to find you in those, and because he wants to show you those kinds of things himself… We’re going to find Sora, Kairi. Believe in that.” And Riku came over to Kairi and put a flower behind her ear like he had done when they were kids, and Kairi leaned into his touch and allowed herself to believe there could be a good future… for just a moment. … Master Yen Sid ended up being absolutely right that the next world she would go to would be a wonderful one. Kairi landed on the planet the moment that a giant singalong was about to take place—though she hadn’t known that at the time, of course—and she saw her charge, Giselle (that she would learn the name of later) right away, based on the way she was dressed and how she soon started singing. Basically? It wasn’t hard for Kairi to spot another Princess of Heart like herself, and how she prayed that this woman would end up leading her to Sora as she tried to help her! But since this world was so glorious—with bright colors everywhere, sunny colors, sweet people, and more delicious food than Kairi had ever been able to dream of—she had no idea why an acidic apple came flying towards both Giselle and a man on a bicycle. Only the Princess’ great reflexes with the Keyblade kept both of them safe… and the apples even began to try and burn through Destiny’s Embrace and shatter them the way Riku’s Way to the Dawn had. But Kairi uttered a quick “curaga” on her blade and was thankfully able to save it in time. But Kairi did not make Giselle and Robert’s (she’d learn his name later, too) acquaintance right away. No. She lost track of them in the massive throng of people, and instead ended up in a diner—at first just thinking she’d order something to eat and figure out her options then—when she saw what had to be the Princess’ prince based on what he was wearing, and the way he looked into the distance hopefully: the way that Kairi had often seen Sora look right before they were reunited again. “I will find Giselle, Nathaniel. This hard world will not deter me!” “As it shouldn’t, sire,” the man who Kairi could only assume was “Nathaniel” answered back to his prince before scurrying away somewhat suspiciously, but Kairi didn’t give it much mind. Instead, she went to sit beside the sweet—and somewhat clueless, it would seem—prince, who reminded Kairi a bit of her Sora, if she was being honest. She reached her hand out to shake the man’s hand and said with start of a smile, “Hello there. My name is Kairi… and I think I may have seen the woman you’re looking for. And I think I could find her for you, if I really tried.” “Could you really, kind lady?!” And the prince was on his feet at once, before then kneeling and then kissing Kairi’s hand—something that made her feel guilty like Riku hugging her had, but she tried to force the feeling down—“Oh, you doing that would be worth more than all the money in all the lands. What can I do to make your search up to you? Just name it, and it’s yours.” Normally, Kairi would have told this prince—Edward, he was whispering his name to her now—that that wasn’t necessary. That she only wanted to help because it was in her heart to do so… but Kairi also couldn’t help feeling this was her chance and lead to Sora, perhaps! Sora had always aided others in the worlds on their quests, that would then take him further in his own, right? Maybe the same thing was happening here. Perhaps Edward was meant to find Sora for her, and she’d find Giselle for him. “I- I’m looking for a lost love, too. A ‘Sora’. And if you happen to see him, and could just let me know, I’d appreciate it.” And having found a camaraderie with each other, the two began telling each other stories about their beloved. Prince Edward told Kairi that Giselle had the most beautiful singing voice he’d ever heard—and the sweetest heart… And Kairi told him about some of her and Sora’s more childish moments: of when Kairi was sad that she had swallowed her tooth, and was worried the Tooth Fairy wouldn’t give her a dollar because of it, and Sora had then pulled out his own falling tooth via a door, and given it to her. But also of their older times together, too: of how, oddly enough, Kairi had felt more butterflies when Sora’s fingers had just brushed against hers when she’d given him Mickey’s letter, than when he’d given her her lucky charm back slightly before that… and how that had just kept growing and growing. The two of them—totally lost in their love for others… and not even realizing people had gathered around them to listen to their “fantastical narratives”—probably would have continued on there, if Kairi hadn’t started hearing an ominous voice in her head… coming from the kitchen, it sounded like, and talking about killing someone? If she’d heard them correctly?! And if she hadn’t started feeling darkness in that exact moment… that she know wasn’t coming from Prince Edward, but where, then? “I- I’ve got to get out of here,” Kairi whispered, hating herself that she was leaving early through this cute chipmunk’s—who’d just shown up on the scene’s—attempts to tell them something about Giselle. “I- I promise I’ll find your Giselle for you… but if I don’t leave right now, I’m going to do something stupid.” Like find this caster of darkness and sell my soul to them—or it—in order to find Sora. And as Kairi pushed her way out the door, she heard this voice in her head: 'Oh, little princess—much like Giselle here—you have no idea who you’re dealing with, or even what you’ve begun for yourself, do you?

… It must have been Kairi’s day to go to restaurants—despite the fact that she was seasoned Keyblade wielder, who should have been out on the streets fighting Heartless… wasn’t that what she’d wanted and what the worlds usually seemed to want?—because after a lot of searching; and not before she fought a Heartless version of herself, that some mysterious force had made who had kept taunting her about her stupidity—Kairi found herself going to a pizzeria just for a bite to eat, since she was getting famished. And who should she find there but the very princess she was looking for? Kairi saw Giselle with the man from earlier and an adorable little girl, that made Kairi think that if she ever found Sora… she did want to have kids with him one day. Kairi walked over to Giselle—not even worrying about ordering food at the moment—and prepared to tell her the good news about her prince Edward… but had to pause when she heard Giselle seeming to insinuate that she was on a date with this man—and almost seeming to be excited about it—before he hastily corrected her? Perhaps? Kairi was about to turn around then, thinking that maybe this woman wasn’t Giselle, after all, or to maybe ask Prince Edward if he was maybe confused about their relationship to each other if this was Giselle, when the orange-haired-girl saw Kairi and stopped her. “Uhh? Excuse me? Miss?” and Kairi could only assume that Giselle was talking to her, since—other than Giselle—she was the only woman in this place, as the rest of the restaurant seemed to have been rented out for some father and son bonding, if the signs were anything to go off of. “I believe I saw you out and about in New York today. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw you sending a flying apple from out of our way. And I’d like to thank you. What a strong and kind heart you must have, to do such a thing.” “What?” asked the dashing man beside Giselle—who, if Kairi was being honest, was probably closed to what her idea of “tall, dark, and handsome” had been when she was young. “Giselle, there were thousands of people out and about today. You can’t really be sure that-“ “It was no problem,” Kairi was already answering, though, before those doubtful words had even caught up with her. “Protecting people is sort of what I do. I was happy to help,” …But if only she’d been good at helping people when Sora had disappeared—and been conscious, in order to stop him from senselessly sacrificing himself for her—but- it was probably best to not dwell on that now (even if she wanted to); these strangers didn’t need to know all about her woes. No, she would smile for them and pretend everything was alright, instead. Wasn’t that how she always was with strangers now? It was only around her friends, that she showed how broken she was… but then when she did, she had to even wonder if that was a good thing to do. Because Riku had been hating on her some for it, hadn’t he? “You’re a hero?!” the little girl with the cute curls asked Kairi, as Kairi took a seat beside them… thinking that if they were going to be having a conversation here, she ought to be polite and not block everyone’s view of the TV. “That’s so cool! Do you think you could give me hero lessons?!” “I’m- I’m really not a hero,” Kairi argued, as she put a gentle hand on the child’s hand—to try and let her know that she wasn’t disagreeing with her because of her, but since she hated herself. “I’m anything but… And while dreams of… heroing are lovely; and some day you may become one yourself and it will be wonderful for you… try to enjoy the simple things of being a child while you can.” “Yes, thank you! The last thing I want, is for Morgan to think that doing dangerous things is good. And Giselle’s right: thank you for bouncing that ball out of the way for us today. I’d thought it was a ball, but it was an apple? That’s crazy. But thank you. I’m Robert, by the way.” He reached his hand out for Kairi to shake it, and she did. And the moment she touched him—maybe it was her Princess of Heart powers—Kairi could tell that Robert had once been a bright light, similar to her, until he’d become jaded like her. And Kairi felt a certain camaraderie there. And while she’d still try to do what she could for Prince Edward… Kairi thought that if Giselle had found someone to balance her out, when she was maybe too idealistic otherwise, was probably a good thing. “Ahh. I guess I’ll do that, then…” Morgan said with a bitter edge to her voice as she began coloring again, but still with a grin for Kairi. And maybe that’s why Kairi chose to then tell everyone gathered who she was (even if she despised who she was). “…Kairi. My name’s Kairi, and it’s nice to meet you all.” And here Kairi bowed at them, that the three seemed to appreciate, but Kairi also thought she’d done something wrong by their reactions. Oh well. “It’s nice to meet you, Kairi. And while I get where you’re coming from—because if I hadn’t tried to rescue Pip, the chain of events that led me to this strange place may have never happened—I’m also glad that I did it. Because Pip deserves to live, of course. And this land is magical, despite everything, and I never would have experienced without my actions… so I’m here, but I’m holding onto my love for my past through my memories.” “You tell them, Giselle,” Morgan supplied, and Kairi noticed that she was giving the woman she was coloring orange hair, too. Maybe… maybe Giselle was right. Perhaps she was looking at this whole thing wrong. And could she, too, now balance her sense of reality with that old idealism somehow? And it was just when Kairi was about to tell Morgan of some of Sora and Riku's adventures--to prove she wasn't completely against teens saving the world--that the chipmunk Kairi had seen earlier appeared on the scene! "Pip!" Giselle exclaimed, as both Giselle and Morgan--and even Kairi herself cooed over him--and when he told Giselle that her prince was there to save her, Kairi cut in that she had meant to tell her that. But then somehow or another, Pip ended up in a pizza, as a man was trying to get him, and Morgan was frantic. And when the pizza went in the oven, Kairi had never felt worse in her life. And when she proved to be the only one who could calm Morgan down--as she got lost in her tales of Chip and Dale--Robert and Giselle invited her over. … Later that night, once Kairi had exhausted herself in trying to assure Morgan that Pip—from what she had seen—seemed plenty resourceful and had surely escaped with his wits about him, she exited the little girl’s room to find Robert and Giselle in some sort of argument… Well, that wasn’t entirely true. First, she’d unintentionally overheard Robert saying how his first wife had left him and that had made him wake up to the idea that true love didn’t exist. And Kairi’s heart had gone out to him, because even while she still strongly believed in what she and Sora had and always would… it had been losing him that had made her somewhat wake up to the horrors of the world. But after that, Robert began trying to Giselle that Prince Edward wasn’t coming for her for whatever reason—something that Kairi had been about to step in and correct—until Giselle sort of ended up snapping herself. And that was what really called on Kairi to make herself known, despite the fact that none of this was really her business at all. Because… was Giselle also somewhat waking up like she had? Giselle seemed furious for the first time that Kairi had ever seen (not that she’d known her much thus far, to be fair). But she seemed oddly… thrilled about it, as she laughed gleefully at the fact that she was angry… before Robert walked off, after Giselle’s hand had found its way to his chest. Kairi remembered what it had felt like to have Sora’s chest pressed up against her own, as he had saved her from Terra-Xehanort… and it was that, more than anything, that made Kairi finally decide to make her presence known and to tell Giselle what was in her heart. “You- you have a right to angel, Giselle. All- all people do. And don’t let anyone tell you any differently, okay? Especially if someone you love has hurt you… intentionally, or not.” Giselle didn’t say anything for a long time—and Kairi was beginning to wonder if she would—so she occupied her time by looking at the holes in the curtains, that it looked as though Giselle had used to make her dresses… the strange pizza boxes that actually seemed to hold something called “doughnut sandwiches”, and the homework of Morgan’s that was littering the couch and hadn’t found its way into her schoolbag yet. There was such a nice, normal life here… and Kairi selfishly wanted to be part of it… Or rather, a life like this with Sora. "Kairi... if you don't mind my asking, do you prefer the emotion of anger? You're kind of acting like it, from what I’ve seen—or maybe hiding your true heart underneath it, a bit like Nancy—not! that I'm badmouthing you or Nancy! You're such a lovely girl, who I sense is trying to be there for everyone here. And as for Nancy… deep down, I sense that she wants something magical like what I have with my Edward." Wow. Giselle had sized Kairi up even better than Naminé ever had. And that was saying something! Though Kairi felt awful, with what Giselle had taken to mean her preferring being mad to anything else. But what was worse, was that Kairi was starting to imagine she was right. And if she was, the Master of Masters might as well have taken her for his plan now! But even if she was doomed, she would stir Giselle in the right way. She would! Kairi promised herself, as she clenched her fists so tightly that her nails drew blood from her skin that way. "I- I'm starting to think one needs both positive and negative sets of emotions in order to be whole. And since if I’m right, it actually affects you, Giselle, as a New Seven Hearts... I'm going to tell you the truth that I probably shouldn’t." “…You and I both have hearts of pure light. But everyone else in the world—save for five others like us—have darkness in their hearts, preferably in balance with their light. I- I used to think we could Seven Hearts could still feel the negative emotions that would lead to darkness in others' hearts—without it doing the same for us—but now I’m not so sure. “Maybe the way I am, with the light in my heart, makes me broken so that I can't understand those who have to deal with a lot of tragedies in their lives… and that's why they leave me. But I'm not saying you'relike that, Giselle... I’m probably just all kinds of a freak, because I wield a Keyblade unlike any other sort of Princess thus far.” But as all of what she’d just said caught up with her, Kairi instantly regretted it. And for it, Kairi almost thought she deserved for the Master of Masters to show up that very moment and give her a thrashing or something. Kairi knew that she hadn’t been applying any of her self-loathing comments to Giselle... but why even sayany of them out loud, then, on the off-chance that Giselle would still take it the wrong way? Kairi was about to apologize for everything she’d just done, but before she could Giselle was throwing her arms around her. "…It sounds to me that you've suffered very much, Kairi, and I'm so sorry for that... You've given me a lot to think over, and I believe most of it. Before, I honestly would have thought you were wrong about needing to feel things like anger, sadness, and envy... but through comparing and contrasting those with their opposite, isn't that how we know the good?" But even with Giselle offering Kairi an olive branch here, she still wanted to try and make things right with her. She thought that the new Princess was perhaps being too kind to her, like Anna, Rapunzel, and even Elsa. But when the woman pulled away from Kairi with a calculating look in her eyes, the auburn-haired-girl thought Giselle must have figured out all the secrets of the multiverse, and she believed in her. … Kairi couldn’t sleep that night, as everything she had thought about and discussed with Giselle hours before—and memories of everything she had been through post-Sora’s disappearance—was causing a conga line of trauma in her heart. So when she eventually heard what sounded like a crash at the door and loud voices, Kairi partly thought she was still dreaming—from the few hours she had been able to sleep—but when she heard the angry tone of Prince Edward, and what sounded like a squeak from Robert, she knew that things had gone to hell in a handbasket and she darted out of bed. And with Destiny’s Embrace acting like more of an extension of her arm than it ever had before, she stopped Prince Edward from dispatching Robert just in time: as she blocked Prince Edward’s weapon with her own. Not having to be told to move twice, Robert moved over to Giselle’s side as they both tried to scream to Prince Edward what was going on. “Fair Kairi, was I wrong to trust you?! Were you also a part of the hideous scheme that took my Giselle away from me all along?!” as he asked this question, the prince was able to cut Kairi’s cheek and—in her shock for that—nearly stab it into her chest. But Kairi simply put a hand over the wound to halt some of the worst of its attributes, and then kicked at him so that he fell into a beanbag chair behind them. Kairi aimed her Keyblade at the Prince, and was about to perform a “Stop” spell on him, if necessary—despite the fact that she didn’t want to seem like she was a witch, to add fuel to Prince Edward’s theory—but it wasn’t necessary when Giselle ran to Edward’s side and embraced him. “Edward, dear, I fell into this land by accident and these kind people have been helping me ever since.” “Oh!” Edward exclaimed, with his demeanor changing completely—back to the man Kairi had actually liked—as he smiled at everyone and offered them his hand. “Then you have my most sincere thank yous, peasants.” And having had enough excitement for one morning—for one life, really—Kairi went back to sleep. She’d deal with whatever Kingdom Hearts was trying to tell her when she had more sleep or caffeine in her system. Preferably both. … When Kairi next awoke—far into the night this time. Oops—it was to find out that Prince Edward and Giselle had gone on some sort of date. And while that seemed right to Kairi—and what she’d been aiming for here along—she also couldn’t deny the sense of wrongness she felt, when she saw how heartbroken Robert looked about it. And as she did notice that, something dawned on Kairi—as she set to making him the kind of tasty coffee that Master Yen Sid had taught her to make with magic—“That’s why you invited me here too, isn’t it? Because I feel in this world, people don’t trust easily and wouldn’t just allow strangers into their homes so easily. You can tell I’m kind of like Giselle. And while you don’t love me, like you do her, you don’t want all magic to leave you and Morgan if she ends up leaving you.” And the way that Robert looked at her then, as he blew at the hot drink that Kairi had just put into his hands, told her that she’d hit the nail on the head. “You’re under no obligation to stay, of course. Neither was, nor is, Giselle. I just wanted to help you both, when I realized you were innocents in New York, of all places, with nowhere to stay and nowhere to protect you… And if you’re able to give a sense of fun to Morgan—that I can’t give her—before you leave, who am I to begrudge you that?” But you are fun to Morgan, Kairi wanted to argue. I could tell that from how she was reading the Madame Curie book, you obviously gave her, before she went to bed last night. She was doing this for you. But she didn’t. Instead, Kairi decided to focus on another question she’d had since entering this world. “I guess I am a bit like Giselle… and come from a place where people believe in one and onlys. So I’ve been confused by the feelings that I’ve seen Giselle show for both you and Prince Edward. But I’ve got to ask: do you think Giselle is your one and only soulmates?” Like Sora is mine, even though I had some crush on Riku when I was younger? And Kairi could tell by his silence, that Robert thought the answer was “yes”, or would have liked it to be. But he’d never say it aloud… probably because he had loved his ex-wife, and maybe thought that she had been a “one and only” for him at the time… Or because he’d become too jaded to voice that he still believed in that stuff, or because he thought it would be inappropriate to discuss or didn’t want to get his heart broken again. But Kairi knew the answer. And it made her sad, as she took a dainty sip from her own coffee and judged the world. “Life isn’t fair, is it?” “No. No it is not.” … Kairi learned the next day—after she hadn’t learned her lesson about getting enough sleep at all, for she had gone out into the night again and fought Heartless after Heartless and Nobody after Nobody—that there was some sort of ball that evening, that both Prince Edward and Giselle and Robert and this Nancy were planning on intending. And while a side of Kairi had been tempted to tell them this was a bad idea—because Robert and Giselle seeing each other all dolled up would surely hurt them even more, with what couldn’t be; Kairi remembered well how Sora had reacted to seeing her older and much prettier in the Castle That Never Was, after all—she’d been unable to deny Giselle and Morgan when they invited her to their “girls night out” to help Giselle get ready. Giselle was also suggesting that Kairi go. And who was she to say no to that, when Kairi was still very much a girl herself and would take any excuse to wear a pretty new dress? So out shopping—and eventually to the salon—they went. Giselle bought an elegant baby purple dress that was almost mermaid and hugged all of her curves… and Kairi went with a similarly cut light brown one (though faux snakeskin)… because she had once dreamed she’d find Sora again while wearing that color partly. And if she could try and make that dream a reality, Kairi would gladly do it. At the salon, she also gave herself a buzz cut—because it would help with all her fighting—whereas Giselle just nicely straightened her hair. But since with her hair option, Kairi knew she had—arguably—made herself uglier than she’d ever looked before, she made sure to go all out with her makeup and jewelry to doll herself up even more. But it was as the hairdresser was adding some wave to Giselle’s locks—and Kairi was buying the best smelling hair gel that she could, to even try and spike her hair some—that Kairi overheard Morgan telling Giselle that boys only wanted one thing. And while it was clear that the young girl had no idea what she was saying—thank the light—Kairi couldn’t help becoming livid, that this was always said against boys. Sora wasn’t like this! Riku wasn’t! And neither were any of the Guardians of Light, for that matter! …But then as Kairi realized she was getting riled up at something as silly as this, she guessed that the Master of Masters must have been right about her and that maybe she was doomed, after all. And Sora… he would surely never love her as she was now, right? So as it was… dark thoughts plagued Kairi, and it ruined a lot of her, Giselle, and Morgan’s time together—though she tried not to let it, and to point out bunnies in the clouds before the taxi driver dropped her off back home—and even her half-an-hour in a cab with Prince Edward and Giselle as they rode to the dance together. But once they reached their destination and Kairi stepped outside, she found her mood improving exponentially. Unlike the rest of New York, this part of it seemed to be kept pretty pristine: so Kairi had no doubt that someone had been hired to sweep outside of this theater, which made her appreciate the brown sidewalk of this world for the first time since she’d seen it. Kairi was also impressed by the wide screen TVs just above the building they were about to enter, that were showing various pictures of the inside and announcing in glitter where they were at. Kairi had never seen something quite so beautiful. And she bet her sister—the artist Naminé—would have appreciated it, too. "Well, shall we my ladies?" Prince Edward asked, as he kindly made sure Kairi and Giselle's coats were securely on them—even though they were about to go inside—since it was a bit chilly. And they followed the crowd and went in, and into the most gorgeous room Kairi had ever beheld. It looked a lot like the floor of the ball pit that Sora had gotten to explore on his last adventure—Kairi knew this from Naminé having shown her some of Sora's memories, on the off-chance that it would help them find him. And everyone was decked out to the nines, and seemed to be having the greatest time. And the punch bowl seemed to be made of ice, if you could believe it! And there seemed to be a purple gem theme that permeated the entire room, that even made it into the balloons above them. "Breathtaking!" Kairi gasped, just as Giselle came up to her side and smiled—laying a friendly hand on Kairi’s shoulder as she did so. Prince Edward took both his date and Kairi's coats off of them now. And as he did so, Kairi noticed Robert—and who she assumed to be Nancy—before them and she could tell that Giselle did, too. Nancy looked absolutely gorgeous—with her hair in stylish pigtails, as she wore a green dress with red accents on it. Robert had cleaned up well, too, as he wore a black tuxedo with his hair slicked back. Kairi was reminded of school events that she  and Sora had dragged Riku to—as he had never wanted to go to them—but he always stole the show at. Robert and Giselle started making small talk… and with that, Kairi felt somewhat out of place and didn't know what to do. She wanted to tell them both to follow their hearts, but how could she when hurt would come from it? She had followed her heart and fought in the Keyblade War, and Sora had died because of it... So to distract herself from the pain and all of the confusion, Kairi introduced herself to Nancy and then suggested that he and Nancy dance together, when it became clear the first waltz was intended for a man with a woman he hadn’t asked out that evening. As Kairi stood on the sidelines, many young men sweetly began asking her to dance… but she turned them all down, for they were not Sora or even Riku. And it was at that point that she—ridiculously, in her eyes—began crying, and wondering what had happened to the tough girl she'd become, as she found herself almost becoming jealous of all of the couples before her. It was then that Kairi heard the same mysterious voice from before. ‘Oh! Poor dear Kairi: doomed to be forever injured by this cruel, cruel world. But, hey: maybe it doesn’t have to be that way. I don’t want Giselle to inherit my throne, because she and my son will force me off it to follow the rules… But if I share my home with you, you won’t… will you, Kairi? After all, I can tell you care little about rules anymore and only want stability. Or, moreover… perhaps I can give you what you want from the depths of your very heart! And before Kairi’s very heart, a Heartless in the form of Sora was created… Though “Heartless” might not have been the right word for it, because that seemed to imply the Shadow Soras or Anti-Sora that Riku had once created… This dark Sora was so close to the real thing in his Anti-Form or Rage Form—even though, deep down, Kairi knew that it was still a Heartless—that Kairi could have almost believed that it was him, and that she’d found him at long last! But she also wasn’t stupid enough to fall for this trap. Now that she thought about it, this was the second time that Kairi had heard about possible danger for Giselle. And at the top of the stairs, Kairi could see someone trying to give Giselle an apple or something! The Princess of Heart tried with all her might to get to her, but she found that she couldn’t move… because—metaphorically, and even somewhat literally—she was split in two: her heart wanted to do the right thing and help her new friend. But her body, that had somewhat been succumbing to wants and desires in this place, wanted nothing but the Sora before her… even if he was a fake, it didn’t care. And when he did a “come hither” motion, Kairi found her body flowing to him of its own accord… and then it was following him into the dark corridor he’d just made on the floor—as so many screamed out for Giselle in that exact moment. ... Kairi, somehow, became aware that it had been moreso her astral body that had followed this “Sora”—as her physical one was desperately trying to regain consciousness in order to help out—on the ballroom floor, but there seemed like there was nothing she could do to cement the two back together. And the most awful part of all of this? Kairi thought that if she had had to fall, she had fallen for the wrong reason. For the most part—though Sora had been misled before—it usually had nothing to do with him chasing phantom versions of her. She was supposed to be like Sora, wasn’t she? And here she had pulled a Riku, almost, when he had listened to Maleficent’s honeyed promises about saving her. Just what was wrong with her?! And it was when Kairi was having these despairing thoughts—and tearing at the little hair she had in her anger—that a memory of Sora’s somehow came her way... of when he had fought Roxas for the first time and the former Nobody had been raining two Keyblades down on him, and Sora had blocked them with a spin and with just Decisive Pumpkin on hand. Idly, Kairi had to wonder if she was maybe doing the same thing against the Sora Heartless’ physical body now (because it seemed it hadn’t really come to this place and had tricked her. Was it still up there with her body, that was only starting to come awake?)... she felt in her body that she probably was, but she didn’t really know. Not when all her consciousness wanted to do, was to reach down and touch the face that she saw on Sora’s heart platform in his memory with Roxas here. In said memory, Roxas was now asking Sora why the Keyblade had chosen him, and realizing it was because he loved both her and Riku so much—as he stood between pictures of both of them—and Kairi thought she might cry. But she also thought she’d done enough of that for a lifetime, so she held it back. 'Are you somehow talking to me here, Sora? ...Telling me that I’m not a fool for losing myself, just for a moment, in my love for you? Or… if you were able to connect to me in this world, are you saying that you’re in this Andalasia New York?!' But as he had done in some of his second journey there, Sora ignored Kairi and she got no answer. And she was left trying to figure it all out for herself. But wasn't that how Sora himself had been on most of his quests? She knew when Ansem Seeker of Darkness had tried to behead Sora, for instance, that he had thrown Donald and Goofy out beforehand. So, holding onto the belief that if Sora could triumph alone, she could do the same… Kairi decided to be strong just like Sora, and she blinked her eyes open. And whatever the reason, the dark Sora had been encompassed by light and was already starting to dissipate as he cried out… and Kairi almost bawled her eyes out for him, or reached for him, but she didn’t: for through his form, Kairi saw Giselle fighting a giant dragon outside and she knew that that should be her priority. The massive blue dragon was speaking to Giselle in that haunting female’s voice that she had now heard three times, and had climbed to the top of a tower with Robert in hand! And Giselle only had a sword to try and fend her off with! Kairi summoned her Keyblade to aid her once more, and was awe-struck when it wasn’t Destiny’s Embrace she was seeing… but somehow Oathkeeper. And that was all she really needed to know, wasn’t it? Kairi was just about to run outside into the rain, when she was stopped by a plump, blond man, who was wearing outfits that spoke to her of Giselle’s and Prince Edward’s. "Princess of Heart, that beast is Prince Edward's mother, the queen Narissa. She wants Giselle to die so that she won’t have to give up her throne for her, and I'm ashamed to say I tried to help her with that... and with some plans against you." "We- we all make mistakes, Sir, but what matters is that you recognized yours, and told me about it so I can help stop things before it becomes too late. That's what matters. And I’m sure Prince Edward feels the same way,” for it was suddenly clear to Kairi that this was the man she’d seen scurrying away from the Prince when she’d first met him. And just behind them, Prince Edward smiled at this man from his court to seemingly tell him that Kairi was right. But before Kairi could witness anymore of this catharsis with them, she used flowmotion to climb the dragon’s back and was then using “Flare” to try and light it up. Meanwhile, Giselle and Pip were cleverly attacking Narissa’s head with blade and weight. But Narissa noticed what Kairi was doing right away, and sent her tail flying into the Princess' face to knock her away. And somehow, it was not the fact that she was flying backwards into a building that Kairi noticed while she was losing, but the rough indents the spike of Narissa’s tail had just left in her face. They hurt. "Ohhhhhh? Is the selfish Princess Kairi finally here to help her friend Giselle, when before she was lost in her own woes? Well, guess what: it doesn't matter. Either way, I'll smash you both into smithereens and still play myself as the victim here!" Narissa hissed, as she also sent Gargoyle Heartless Kairi's way—that tried to pick her up via her light weight and throw her back to the ground, once she’d finally gotten her bearings. But Kairi resisted like it was nothing. "Holy!" she cried out, as she released a beam of light from her Keyblade that then washed the world in its vibrance. But while it was enough to keep Narissa’s tail from moving, it didn’t seem enough to do more to her. Kairi was about to worry for that fact, but then she heard Giselle's voice as she slid down the woman's back and stabbed her with her sword. "Kairi isn't selfish. She's one of the dearest friends I’ve never know—who has told me many truths, even though it’s hurt her!" "Giselle-" Kairi choked out at her friend's easy defense of her. And just as she did, she decided to help Giselle with the final blow. "Pearl!" Kairi screamed, as she did an attack similar to Holy... but that separated itself somewhat, so that it could hit every target on Narissa that Kairi wanted it to. And as Kairi did that, Giselle batted the witch on the head one last time and then jumped into the air so she could free Robert from her claw... but then they were falling out of her hand and down the roof! Except... except that Kairi saw they were fine, and now kissing on said roof. Deciding to leave them alone for just a moment, Kairi returned to the ball room... where she saw Edward and Nancy running away somewhere together? Huh. It seemed they had done the switcheroo on mates, after all. They would probably be fine… But Kairi wanted to make sure, anyway, and to finally give this “Andalasia” place some exploring. And when she got there, she saw that time moved somewhat differently there (it also looked somewhat different here: more like the worlds she was used to seeing, whereas the other one had seemed more like the Pirate world Sora had told her about… or so she guessed). Nathaniel, who had once worked for Queen Narissa, was writing a book about everything he’d been through and an agent by his side seemed very interested in it. And in the background—as they looked through books on shelves to try and find inspiration for what Nathaniel’s book should look like—Edward and Nancy were planning a wedding and inviting Kairi to it, when they got all the kinks worked out… which she of course agreed to. And then Kairi was feeling a weight on her shoulder and again seeing the cute chipmunk from earlier. In a much deeper voice than Kairi had been expecting of him—though, to be fair, she hadn’t thought he could talk at all—he was telling her, “It seems to me, that—for the time being at least—little Giselle doesn’t need me anymore. But it seems like you could use a shoulder to cry on, sweet girl. Mind if I go with you on your adventure?” For the first time in a long time, Kairi truly smiled—thinking that this was how Sora must have felt whenever he had gotten Summons before—“No… I don’t at all. And thank you. But first, I think we should go back and see Giselle and get her permission first.” And back to see Giselle, they went… Or, moreover, back to see Morgan first: as Robert and Giselle were in her room, reading her a bedtime story about Twelve Dancing Princesses, and Kairi had been unable to deny helping to read it to her, too. It was when the adults had safely exited Morgan’s room when she was asleep, that hugs and thank yous were given. “Well, I can’t speak for Giselle, of course… But I think she’d be thrilled with you taking Pip as a thank you, since you helped save me and always believed in us… and love, deep down.” “And that’s- that’s why I actually have to go!” Kairi explained, as she looked at her two new friends in turn, so they’d see how serious this was and maybe finally know the real her. “Because- Because there’s a reason I saw myself in everyone here—and also why I’ve become so jaded—my- my boyfriend died… but I think that he’s out there, and I can save him. I just need to try really hard, and all the help I can get.” And before Kairi could even blink, she found herself in a hug from Giselle again—as the other Princess of Heart even kissed her cheek this time. “Then, yes: please take Pip with you. And if you need my help, I’ll even be content to leave here and help you for a little while, if need be. But thinking of here: always know that you’re always welcome back. Pip, Kairi, take care of each other on the long road.” And as Pip nuzzled into Kairi’s neck and she giggled, she found that neither one of them had to be told that twice. And then—right then—Kairi thought she heard Sora’s voice for the first time in years. “K-K-Kairi, go to- go to a world where you think I became the strongest. There’s something for you there.” And as a tear slid down Kairi’s eye, that both Robert and Giselle tried to wipe away for her, she thought she knew exactly where she was going to next. Author’s Note: I’m sorry that this took me so long to write/post. I hand wrote some of it… and that was actually somewhat my downfall, since it took me forever to type it up after that. And after Re:Mind came out and fixed some of my worries about Kairi going forward, I wasn’t sure if this story was necessary anymore and if I should finish it. But I definitely want to, so here we are Enchanted is also a dream world for me, and I wanted it in this story one way or another… but it was really hard for me to write—perhaps for obvious reasons—and I rewrote a lot of it. Hopefully it’s okay in the end. I actually wanted to do stuff with Nancy, but it didn’t pan out. Prince Edward also sort of disappears, which is a shame since he and Kairi were bonding at first (and they do still have that bond, don’t get me wrong). But perhaps it makes sense, that this moreso focused on Giselle and Robert in the end (and Kairi’s relationship with them), like the film.

[imaginexmeintheuniverse]

An X Co. Xmas

12 Days of Christmas OTP Challenge

Day 1: Character A and Character B, sworn enemies, are chosen to prepare the company Christmas Party.

A/N: well this is starting off great im already late on the first day, but i was getting wrecked by uni and wanted to do some research first so please correct me if i made any mistakes concerning Hanukkah! This is actually so long but I had a lot of fun writing it <3 Also i recently started binge watching the office and i just finished my finals which incidentally was for management so here goes!

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i. an infuriating announcement

"You're shitting me, Ro," you deadpan, already feeling like giving up. "Can't someone else do it? Anyone?!"

"Sorry, the rest of the team already have their assignments for the month, and this is yours— and Peter's."

Being in charge of the big X Company Christmas party is an event you've wanted to take the lead on since you joined this department, but being paired up with none other than Peter Maximoff, makes this the best opportunity and the worst case scenario.  

"But he's an idiotic man-child!" You're not even sure how he made his way up to being part of this project management team. You assume it must have something to do with his father being co-chairman of the company. "Yesterday he ordered fifteen pizzas under my name!"

"To be fair, you did glue all his pens and pencils together last week," she smirks, and lets out a small laugh at the memory. "In any case, the project groups for this month have been divided by aptitudes and experience like they always are, and you two ended up together because everyone else was matched up with other projects. I know you two don't exactly get along the best, but upper management is on my ass and the rest of the team is already totally booked with the hectic holiday season."

"Is there anything you can do?"

"Sorry, babe," she apologizes, and give you a sympathetic lopsided smile.

"What's the use of being best friends with the boss if I can't get sorted with a better partner," you grumble with a playful smile, because you obviously love Ororo, but you're not sure how long you'll last without wanting to do something that might land you in HR.

"If it's any consolation, he's not thrilled about being your partner either."

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ii. an idiotic man-child

"This obviously isn't working out—"

"We can't agree on anything—"

"You two are supposed to be coordinating this event together—" Ororo ducks her head between her hands and exhales out of exasperation as she rubs her temples.

"She locked me in the conference room!"

"He put all my office supplies in Jell-O!"

"You need to stop bickering like children and get your shit together!" She stands from her desk, chiding you and Peter. You both sit in adjacent chairs in front of her and you feel like you're back and school and have landed yourself in the principal's office. "I can't be babysitting you constantly, so you'll just have to pull it together and figure it out before you get kicked off this team!"

You and Peter nod in unison, and then exchange side glares at each other when Ororo is sitting back down. She is an amazing manager, and to be fair you and Peter had spent the last thirty minutes complaining about one another, so it's understandable that her patience is running thin.

She takes a moment to collect herself, smoothing out her skirt and tucking a loose strand of hair back into her tight bun. "As I've told you before, it's too late to add or exchange team members with their assignments this month, but I can give you the intern to help you out."

"Kurt?"

"Yes, I've already sent him a memo and he'll be back in the bullpen waiting for you." With that, she dismisses you, and you walk out of her office with Peter following right behind you.

"I hope you don't plan on nagging the intern to death, wouldn't want to scare the poor kid away," he taunts you, catching up to your quicker walking pace to beside you.

"I hope you can actually do your job for once, so that he won't have to do it for you," you retort, without even glancing his way.

"Chill, princess—"

"We don't all have a boss for a father who will help us float to the top— I had to work my ass off to get here and I'm not going to let you drag me down!" You're fuming, and judging by the slight falter in his usual smirk, you think you might have gone too far.

He doesn't say anything for a moment, and then you see Kurt smiling and waving at both of you from across the room. You offer him an awkward smile and Peter gives him a weak wave, both of you dampened from your exchange.

There's no point in wasting any more time with the fast-approaching deadline, so you turn to him, totally neutral and say, "We have work to do, let's just delegate tasks and check up on each other later."

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iii. an unmethodical arrangement

"Damn it!" Peter shouts from his desk, and you look up at him from your computer, distracted by his sudden outburst. He slams the phone back into place in hanging up, and you raise an eyebrow at him. "That's the third band to cancel," he says, exhaling slowly to calm himself down.

He was in charge of music, and as the project deadline approaches with the holidays, it's getting harder to lock down on services. Even you're having a hard time trying to find a restaurant that's available to cater. You decide to give your tired eyes a rest by closing your monitor and leaning back in your chair, blinking a few times to adjust to more favourable lighting.

You're both exhausted from running around all day, and you already sent the intern home a few hours ago. Furthermore, watching the sun set so early through the widow walls, and always having to work so many hours after dark has been getting really depressing. Despite it being demanding and requiring crazy hours, you do love this job.

"Tell me about it, all the restaurants are long overbooked."

There's a moment where all you hear is the clicking of Peter's fingers gliding over the keyboard and then he speaks up, "My mom is friends with this restaurant owner who owes her a favour." He turns his monitor to show you a simplistic webpage. "It's a small family business, they're not going to be booked because they don't advertise their catering service, and they have a menu that can suit all kinds of food restrictions."

"That's great!" you exclaim, taking note of the restaurant name. "Okay, now we just need to find the music." You let out a low sigh, and pull out your planning binder to hopefully gain some inspiration or answers. This fails you, as you end up merely staring blankly at the flipping pages— that is until you fall on one in particular that could help you out. "Hey Peter," you call out to him, and he stops spinning to face you. "What about Warren?"

"What about Warren?" He asks, curious as to why you're bringing up your old teammate. You worked on a lot of projects with Warren before he got promoted to higher management last year.

"He has a bunch of connections, and he hired this great DJ for one of the big fundraisers last year. Why don't we ask him?"

"That's actually not a bad idea, I'll email him." Peter smiles, scribbling on a sticky note and posting it on his computer screen. "But I'll take care of that tomorrow morning," he thinks out loud. "Can we meet earlier tomorrow morning?"

Glancing at the clock, you wonder why the hell he would want to meet earlier since you two have been working so late. "Why?"

"Hanukkah starts tomorrow," he answers simply. "It's already been approved by management, but we are partners so I just wanna make sure you're cool with it."

"Yeah, that's fine," you reply, giving him a small smile. Honestly, this is the longest you two have gone without bickering, but it actually feels nice to be getting along with him.

"All right, I'm gonna call it quits for tonight," he says, gathering his bag and coat. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Y/N."

"Have a good night."

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iv. an evening before

Everything since those little speed bumps you hit concerning the music and food has run really smoothly, and you and Peter have been getting along a lot better since that late night in the office. You developed a steady work flow and actually found yourself laughing at some of his lame jokes. Peter was surprised when he realized that he no longer subconsciously rolled his eyes every time you opened your mouth, and he'd feel himself light up when you greeted him in the morning.

"I think everything should be fine," Peter announces, as you check off the items on the task list.

"All the services are on schedule, and the design department is putting the final touches in the hall," Kurt reports, tucking a few stray papers back into his planner.

"All right, then you may be dismissed, we'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning to greet the caterers and waiting staff." Kurt nods, and bids you and Peter a good evening before heading off into the gentle snowfall of NYC. "We finished with an hour to spare," You smile at Peter who loosens his tie as you both gather your things and head out of the building together. "It'll give me extra time to try not to stress out about tomorrow."

Peter chuckles, and nods in agreement to your statement. "I'll be able to go surprise my sister and pick her up from school."

"You have a sister?"

"Yeah, my little sister, Wanda, she's in middle school and hates the school bus."

"I totally understand, the bus is another kind of hell."

He opens his mouth to say goodbye, but then you remember that you had something for him, and you reach into your bag to pull out a present tied up in a pretty satin bow. "Before you go, I have something for you," you say shyly, not sure why you feel a heat creeping up to your cheeks when you notice how charming Peter looks with snowflakes resting delicately on his dark eyelashes.

"What's this for?" He asks, curious about the neatly wrapped box you place in his hands.

"Today is the last day of Hanukkah isn't it?"

"Yeah," he confirms, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

He tears the wrapping off, opens the box, and pulls out the dreidel you put inside. "I'm sorry, it's kind of lame— you probably have a ton of them."

"No, this is really great," he says with a smile, turning the top in his hands to admire the craftsmanship. You happened to walk past a kiosk with handmade dreidels when you had to take a different way home the previous night, and couldn't help but notice how pretty they were. "Thank you, Y/N."

A few seconds pass by awkwardly where you're both smiling, but aren't sure what to do, until Peter leans forward and wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a hug. The foreign affection from him is completely new, but surprisingly warm, comfortable, and welcome. You've just let yourself melt into the hug when he breaks off, and it's like you've been snapped out of a daze and left out in the cold. Still feeling slightly disoriented, you wish him a happy Hanukkah, and leave it at that before you make a fool of yourself. You start to head off towards the subway when Peter calls out to you.

"Do you—" He hesitates for a moment, unsure of what he's asking exactly.

"Did you say something?" You turn back around to face him and he stutters for a moment, because the sun shining perfectly on your features with snow falling all around you has him unable to process anything else around him. "Peter?"

"D-Do you want to come? I figure it's better than trying not to stress out at home alone."

Your lips curve up into a smile and you're not even conscious of how much your heart rate has picked up yet. Everything is sorted for the company party tomorrow, and you've discovered that Peter isn't too bad to be around, so what's the harm?

"Sure."

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v. an important night

"Wow—" Peter utters breathlessly, stunned by the sight of you entering the hall. Last time he saw you was less than a half hour ago, and he'd be lying if he were to say that he weren't impressed by your quick transformation. Just moments ago you were running around in your work clothes, with a clipboard and unruly hairs sticking out in all wrong places. Now that the party's started and everything is running smoothly, you seem a lot more calm and managed to fix up your hair and makeup flawlessly. He hadn't seen your dress yet, and even though he thought you were still the prettiest person in the room in your stressed out mess, you're definitely a showstopper now.

"You should wipe the drool off your chin before Y/N notices," Scott smirks at Peter as he walks up to him with Jean on his arm. As if on cue, you notice Peter and your other team members from across the room and wave at the group, a smile gracing your lips that makes Peter weak in the knees. Scott, of course, notices this and feels the need to tease him about it. "If I didn't know how much you two hate each other's guts, I'd think you might actually like each other as more than just archenemies."

"Scott, leave the poor guy alone," Jean chimes in, grinning playfully. "He obviously has it bad."

"You guys don't know what you're talking about." Peter runs a hand through his silver hair that's neatly coiffed for once. "Y/N and I are just partners on this event, and then everything is going to go back to normal," He laughs it off, despite what he just said settling uncomfortably in his mind. Working with you over the last few weeks has brought out the best in both of you; you've been getting along great, even having a couple of inside jokes, and last night he had so much fun. The way your eyes would light up with genuine interest as you listened to his explanations of the rituals, how well you seemed to fit in with his family, and Wanda, she adored you. He found himself frequently gazing at you with a goofy grin on his face, not even realizing he was staring until you'd make eye contact with him, and then he'd get all flustered from being caught.

All this to say that he's very confused about his feelings. He likes the relationship akin to friendship the two of you have developed, but he also feels something more. The thought that makes him more uncomfortable is: what will happen when this is over? Will you just be disbanded and assigned to different projects after? Will you go back to being at each other's throats, will you still be friendly with each other, or will you just never speak again unless you're assigned to the same project again?

"Peter, you need to calm down." Jean interrupts his overthinking, offering him a comforting smile. "Go ask her to dance."

"It's like you read my mind," He shoots her a wink and finishes off his drink before heading off in your direction.

"Hey Peter," You greet him after excusing yourself from a group conversation. "This is going great isn't it?"

"Y-Yeah, it's awesome."

"Who would've known we'd make a half-decent team?" You grin at him playfully, and also notice that he seems a little spaced out. "Are you okay, Maximoff?"

"Do y-you wanna dance?"

"It would be my pleasure," You extend your hand, and he takes it in his larger one, leading you to the dance floor where he slips his other arm around your waist. He starts to guide you is slow circles, feet following the rhythm of the smooth tune. Throughout the course of the song, your bodies get closer to one another, and you hope he can't tell how warm your cheeks are upon realizing this. "Wow, Peter, where'd you learn to dance like this?"

"My, uh, mom made me take lessons when I was younger," he says sheepishly, a blush creeping its way onto his face.

"I'm impressed."

The song ends, and you thank each other for the dance. This is the when you'd normally break apart, but neither of you moves— neither of you wants to. The next song starts to play and you're the only ones not moving on the dance floor.

"You look amazing, by the way," he tells you, and you feel like you're lungs are failing you.

"Thanks, you clean up real nice yourself." Another few seconds go by without anything happening, other than the tension continuously building.

"Well- th-thanks for the dance, a-and being a good partner."

Peter mentally slaps himself as you smile and start to walk off the dance floor. There's obviously something there, why didn't he do anything? Idiot. Just when he thinks he's blown his only chance, you spin on your heel and march back to the spot he hasn't moved from, pull him down by the shoulders to press your lips against his. He barely has time to process what's happening before you pull back, leaving him reeling.

"Whoa," is all he can manage to get out. It was only a few seconds, but your kiss took all the air out of his lungs.

"May I have this dance?" You ask nervously, taking a shot at the dark, hoping he feels the same way you do.

He doesn't say anything else, unable to keep the goofy grin off his face. Instead of speaking, he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his body and leans in for another kiss. His soft lips move against yours gently, and as you let your eyes flutter shut, you feel that same warmth as when he first hugged you the previous night.

When you break apart, neither of you can keep the smiles off your face, and you happily let him lead you in circles on the dance floor.

  ❄  ❄  ❄

vi. an extra scene

Peter hugs you from behind and presses a quick kiss to your cheek before heading to his desk.

"Congrats you two!" You and Peter both jump at Ororo's less-than-subtle entrance. "The party was a hit, and upper management wants to add you to the New Year fundraiser event planning team!"

You both thank her for the opportunity and accept the detail files she hands you.

"Oh, and congrats for the other thing too," She says, gesturing between you and Peter. "You know what that means, right?"

"We get a raise for organizing the party of the year?" Peter half-jokingly suggests.

"Real funny," she chuckles, making her way to her office. "You're going to have to file this with HR, now."

[ilovebtsandexoalot]

rosie

pairing: yoongi x reader 

genre: angst, fluff

You exited your chaotic home early on that Wednesday morning. Your sister had taken the last of the quinoa cakes and you had had enough, so you opted for walking to school rather than enduring an extra 5 minutes with your sister even if it did mean having to leave 20 minutes earlier.  

You didn't mind walking for another reason though. Spending time with Yoongi had you half in ecstasy he was your best friend and you enjoyed sharing banter. He was also your crush. Now you knew to an outsider this may seem great seeing as you live right next door to each other, therefore you get to spend a lot of extra time with him. However, for you its different. You were crushing on him, and you were crushing damn hard. The only problem was, not only did he have no idea you felt this way but he also had a crush on someone else. To make this whole awful situation worse his crush was the most kind perfect beautiful girl you had ever seen, Rosie. 

Even though all of your friends had said otherwise, you couldn't help but think that you were just, well Sophie, nothing special really. If you were pretty, Rosie was stunning. If you were kind, she might as well have been the reincarnation of Mother Teresa, you supposed. Every time he talked about her to you, (which was a lot) because you were his best friend damnit and you couldn't pretend that you didn't like her or discourage him because the you'd seem like a shitty friend PLUS you did like her because who wouldn’t. Him talking about her felt like daggers through your heart. It felt like you were running in a race that you knew you'd never win. 

That morning you exited your driveways and the exact same time. You too always shared such remarkable timing.You were always in perfect sync. Your heart always screamed “THIS IS A SIGN YOU’RE CLEARLY MEANT TO BE” but the logic in your brain hastily corrected your hearts foolish mistake and washed out the disillusions with a wave of self hatred. 

You observed him. He managed to look breathtaking even in his idiotic leaf green school coat and you mentally cursed him for pulling off anything he wore. His black hair was fluffy and looked freshly washed. “Hey friend!” he said casually. Right you thought ‘friend’ because thats all you'd ever be. The one to come to when he wants to know what ring to to choose when he inevitably marries someone outstanding and completely worthy of him, while ripping you to shreds without  even knowing. 

You walked for a while in comfortable silence until he said it. The words that made the ground around you crumble to pieces and left you with no way to escape. “I think I'm gonna ask her on a date” he said confidently.  Your heart plummeted and as if you weren't already having a bad morning this made it five billion times worse. “Huh?” was all you could come up with . You just hoped to God that he was talking about something that wasn't about to rip your frail heart to shreds. “Rosie!” he said ‘“hey are you ok your voice sound a bit shaky” he said lightly punching you on the bicep. “Oh yeah I'm fine why wouldn't i be” you said hoping that your voice would betray the self destruction that you were experiencing. “Also thats sound great hope she says yes! “ you lied. You had to lie, for the sake of you friendship. What if he didn't feel the same way. How could you continue this friendship normally if he knew you harboured feelings for him and  he was fully responsible for your heartbreak. You couldn't do that, because doing that would not only ruin your close friendship, but hearing the confirmation that he really didn't love you would destroy you. You would finally plummet off the tightrope you have been trying so hard so maintain balance upon. Plus you suppose spending time with him this way was better than not spending time with him at all. 

That day at school was torture all you could think of was Yoongi and all of the threads of him being cut out of your grasp and being left with a broken heart and theres nothing you could say or do about it because nobody knows about this. to everybody else your Yoongis best friend. Nothing more. Nobody knew the pain you felt every time he looked at his love interest. And thats how it should be, because if nobody knows than nobody will ever find out especially Yoongi. 

You gathered your books for homework rather a huff as your teacher was a huge bitch and gave you a hell of a lot of homework. As you walked out of the school building you found your eyes drawn to the effortlessly stunning silhouette of Rosie along with Yoongi’s rather nervous looking one.He was doing it. There’s nothing you can do abut it. You lost him. The realisation punched you in the face. You never even had him. How can you lose something that wasn't even yours in the first place? You needed to get out. You needed to get home. You willed your tears to at least refrain until there weren't people you knew in the vicinity but it was no use. 

“y/n!” You barely heard the familiar voice over the constant ringing in your ears. You couldn't stop now. You couldn't face him now. You heard footsteps speeding up against the tarmac and felt a warm hand on your exposed arm. You reluctantly turned your head towards the confused boy. “woah woah hey hey hey why are you crying? are you ok?” You breathed a choked laugh and the question. No you weren't ok. Far from it actually. You had a constant pain in your chest because you were constantly wanting something you knew would never be yours in the way you needed it to be.  “I-I’m sorry” you choked. “I can’t do this.” you ran. Ran away from the pain. Away from his shouts of your name. Away from the boy who broke your heart and had no idea he had done it. 

You sat in your room on your bed crying and crying. Just crying. Your phone constantly ringing and Yoongi’s name flashing upon it. The ringing stopped. Had he given up? The thought brought sickness to your stomach. Did he really not care that much. Just then you heard a knock on the door. You didn't want to talk yet. You weren't ready. You needed him and you were too scared of the consequences of what you needed to say. Having him but being in constant emotional pain was better than not having him at all.

Wasn't it? 

You're parents weren't home yet so nobody would answer the door. What if it wasn't even him? What if it was your mum needing help with the shopping. You thought there was no harm in checking, So you reluctantly trudged through the hall and checked the peep hole. No mum. No sopping. Just a worried looking, incredibly gorgeous, kind and hilarious by that you had known so well. You didn't want to answer. You didn't mean to answer. You knew it wast wise. But you did it anyway. They say when you truly love someone the pull is strong and you find yourself alway drifting back. This was that. True love. The pull. You felt it and it threatened to consume you. And that is why you opened the door. 

When you opened it you saw Yoongi looking almost surprised that you did. “Come in.” you said flatly. You knew being cold was unreasonable because technically  he didn't quite know what he had done wrong, but you had had enough. He needed to know the truth before the pain controlled you. “So are you gonna tell me what I did to make you so pissed off at me or are you just gonna be bitchy and ignore me again.” He had no fucking right to say that and now you were angry. 

“You think I'm being bitchy” You almost screamed “wow how could you be this stupid” you said under your breath. “You think I'm being bitchy.” you said calmly this time. “Do you want to know whats bitchy?” you started. At this point Yoongi looked even more confused than when you told him what a period was in 4th class. “Longing, and yearning for your best friend and knowing he’ll never love you back.” you said breathlessly. 

“What are you talking about? Of course I love you” he said weakly. 

You laughed humourlessly. “Not in the same way I love you. Do you know what I’d do for you to look and me, to talk about me, to love me like you do Rosie. God I love you! How can you not see that!” You felt like all the life had been sucked from your body. “Please love me.” You whispered 

Yoongi stared blankly back at you. And so it being the painful demise of your weak heart. “I-I need to take a walk” all you could do was stand helplessly and watch him leave. Probably never to return. He grabbed his jacket and you heard the click of the front door. Thats when you sunk to the ground and cried, and cried and cried. 

You just sat there and thought about Yoongi, his hugs his touches his soft kisses at your temples that made you melt and didn't do a thing for him. All the things you had just lost. His company made you feel like you were finally happy and there was nothing anyone or thing could do to change it. Until now. Now you were alone. And your heart was broken. Forever. 

~

You didn't know how long you were asleep for. You almost had forgotten what had happened but not for long. You must have been so emotionally drained you fell asleep. But now you were faced with the soft expression of Yoongi looking fondly in your direction. It felt like a dream as he moved a strand of hair from your face and around your ear. “hey!” he said softly, “Are you awake?” you groans in response. “Good.” he said “Cause i need to tell you something.” 

“no” you said “can we just say like this for a while. Please” 

So you did. You stayed in his arms for a while. It felt just like it should. It felt perfect. It felt like Yoongi. 

“rosie said no.” he said softly. what. Was she crazy? “huh?” was all you could manage. “yeah, she mentioned something about having a boyfriend in Andrews or something.” he looked slightly dejected as he spoke. “oh I'm sorry yoongi..” you said. 

“Look y/n, I’m gonna tell you something. It may not be exactly what you're looking for but its the best i can give you right now. I’ll be honest. Ive never thought about you in that way before. BUT, if you're willing to I'm willing to try it as something more. I love you sophie not in the same way as you do yet, but I can see myself with you in the future. And that is why I'm asking you now, to go on a date with me on the condition that if it doesn't work you'll be willing to go back to friends, best friends.” 

“yes.” 

10 years later.

You and Yoongi had just finished your 10 year anniversary dinner. 10 years since you decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend. 10 years since he told you he loved you. In every way.

 It was the middle of summer. It was 9pm and as you walked through. The park where you and Yoongi had spent much of your childhood. The park where you went on your first real date. It was perfect. The sun was sinking into the horizon like quicksand. You made it to the top after a slow ascent. You walked handed in had over to the balcony type thing over looking the  bay. “Oh my God that is beautiful!” you exclaimed. “not as beautiful as you.” he smirked. “that reminds me actually.’ and that moment was when your life truly began. The moment where he knelt down one knee and spoke. “y/n y/l/n. I know we’re both young, and i know this may feel too soon to you, but it doesn't for me and well the more i think of waiting, the less i want to , and i just want today thank you for being you. Thank you for telling me your feelings so i would stop being such an idiot and realise mine. Thank you for making me study for the Leaving cert. thank you for reminding me not to eat too many koka noodles. thank you for not being Rosie. Thank you for being amazing, intelligent, beautiful you. There is not a single other person in the universe I’d rather spend the rest of my life with and thank you for letting me realise that. y/n y/l/n, will you make me the happiest man on earth, will you marry me?” By now obviously the tears were GUSHING but you didn't care. The man you adored loved you and wanted to marry you. All you could think of saying was

 “yes!”